Cult Hero (2022) Movie Script
1
[whimsical dramatic music]
[crows cawing]
[growling]
[metal clanking]
[Theoren] I want to thank
for your patience,
your servility,
your...
donations.
Tonight marks the end
of a long, hard yesterday,
and the dawn
of a glorious new tomorrow!
[bird cooing]
[ominous instrumental]
It's time.
[metal clanking]
[groans]
Uh, I think we need
to pause right here and um,
just think about all of this.
Um...
[zipper unzipping]
Yeah, just, uh,
just think and uh...
just, uh...
Surprise fuckers!
[dramatic guitar riff]
I'm sorry. Who are you?
I'm Dale Domazar, Cult Buster
and expert day programmer.
And this cult is busted.
[hard rock music playing]
[cow mooing]
[Dale]
Previously on Cult Buster,
expert gumshoe,
Dale Domazar, has closed in
on a sinister death cult
known as The Lost Ones.
I'm Dale Domazar,
the one true Cult Buster,
here to remind you that America
is constantly shitting out
new cults by absorbing
debris of the old ones.
Jonestown, Heaven's Gate,
The Branch Davidian
all give rise to new ones
like QAnon, NXIVM, CrossFit,
and now the Lost Ones, yeah.
We've pinpointed their camp,
just outside
Fairfax, Saskatchewan,
and we've secretly installed
five hidden cameras
throughout the compound.
They're a blood-thirsty
collective of dead enders
and true believers.
Their leader,
a charlatan par excellence,
calls himself
Theoren the Shepherd.
This is fundamental.
A personality cult.
The minions worship the leader
and exalt him
to godlike status.
That's fanaticism.
Go, go, go.
I managed to extract
a Lost Ones defector
and escort them to safety.
We're in the clear.
Now, we do a delicate
brain scrub for intel
on their master plan.
You're in a safe space
here with ol' double D.
Now, tell me everything
I need to know
about the Lost Ones!
It's okay. You're safe.
[woman] They controlled
every aspect of our lives
and they kept alluding
to a purification ceremony.
[Dale] These bastards
are up to something
and it's time to go undercover.
We now go live
to the season one finale.
And this cult is busted!
[electric guitar riff]
Who among our number
ordered a clown?
There's no starship coming,
but I'm here to help you
and I can provide exit
counseling for small fee.
Nice to meet you, Dale,
but we're in
the middle of something.
Everybody freeze. Now!
[metal squeaking]
[grunting]
[metal squeaking]
[evil laughter]
[Dale gagging]
Jesus!
Awaken, my star seeds.
Everybody, hold up.
Stay where you are.
This idiot pretender
has poisoned
our purification ceremony.
I've alerted the authorities,
and they are very close.
When we made our vows,
you took an oath in the event
that we were [indistinct].
I now enact the unmask protocol!
-[gun cocking]
-I will shoot you.
End my suffering.
Okay, well then,
I-- I don't know.
I'll, uh, I'll shoot
your fucking knees off.
You really haven't
thought this through, have you?
[pants] One.
-One.
-[Dale] No.
What are you doing?
Stop that. I'm counting.
Two.
[Dale] No, no. I say two,
fucker! No, don't do that.
[Theoren] Three.
-No.
-[bellowing]
[Dale] Don't! No!
No, don't do that.
No, what are you doing?
Stop that.
What are you fucking doing?
-[evil laughter]
-[Dale] Spit that out.
Spit that out. No!
[evil laughter]
[ominous instrumental]
Asshole!
[suspenseful music]
Uh, please!
Dale, what the hell
happened here?
Uh...
the Lost Ones have been found.
[downtrodden rock instrumental]
[whimsical
orchestral instrumental]
[Kallie]
I'll be the first to admit
that life isn't always
an inspirational hand
stitched embroidery quote.
It wasn't always this way.
Things were looking up
when we moved Owen Sound.
I found us
a beautiful three bedroom home
in hopes that
our family would grow,
just like our love
for each other had,
but the universe
had other plans.
Plans we're still
trying to navigate.
Sure, there's a lot
less pressure on us now,
but nonetheless, our marriage
started to feel off.
Like an old recipe that
just doesn't taste the same.
Not enough spice perhaps,
or maybe too much.
If I don't like something,
I return it
and I want my marriage to return
to how it was,
before Brad went all loopy.
The extreme hair loss,
selective hearing.
Not to mention,
he almost bought a painting
without consulting me
for the front foyer.
Brad's even demoted himself
at his investment
firm twice now
just to relieve
some unnecessary stress.
I'm really at
the end of my rope.
I feel like I've done
everything to help him.
It's amazing
I even got him here.
But you know,
when it comes down to it,
I really wanna do this for him.
For me. For everyone.
For us. For me.
Not to say we're not happy.
We're happy, right?
The question was
actually for Brad.
-Oh!
-Brad, what do you hope
to get out of this place?
I guess a sense of purpose.
Beyond?
It's okay.
A honey do list.
[scoffs]
I think you're gonna
fit in perfectly here.
Our resident
spiritual elder is none other
than Master Jagori.
He alchemized a safe space
for self-awareness,
for transcendence,
specifically tailored for men
like our Bradley here.
A program called The Ascension.
His teachings elevate oneself
to a higher frequency.
Too often, we find ourselves
swimming up river.
Well, here at Hope Acres,
we surrender to the current.
It's a stream,
but of consciousness.
Master Jagori can do
great things for you, Brad,
but it depends on
how open you are to change.
Are you ready
to join The Ascension?
I really like it.
I sure as hell don't buy
any of that witch-doctor jargon,
but for you, it's perfect.
They're gonna snap you
right out of this pity party
you got going on. And it seems
like they have guys there
who have it way worse than you,
so it's gonna give you
some perspective.
[ominous instrumental]
We'll just pay our way
out of the sadness
[muffled] and one day,
we can laugh about all this.
[rooster crowing]
[sighs]
[toothbrush rustling]
[Dale gurgling and spitting]
[can fizzing]
[burps]
[fly buzzing]
Hey. Hey.
[belches and sighs]
[distorted]
Hey! Remember me?
I'm Dale Domazar. Good old
double D, the Cult Buster guy.
Do you need to wish a friend
a happy birthday?
[fly buzzing]
Do you need-- Fuck!
Do you need to wish a friend
a happy birthday?
Or maybe your child
needs a pep talk.
Hell, I'll even
break up with your boyfriend
on your behalf.
I'm your guy.
Just $20 for 60 seconds of me.
And do you need
any manual labor done?
Give me a shout
because this cult is bust--
[static]
-[melancholic music]
-[engine thrumming]
[garage door squeaking]
[door unlatching]
[Kallie] Brad?
[garage door squeaking]
[Brad coughing]
[Kallie] There you are.
You started the car and
I didn't know where you went.
[Brad coughing]
You're gonna have to look
at the return policy on
this thing.
Adventure awaits.
[cheerful instrumental]
[Kallie]
Can you believe it?
Believe what?
The McLaughlins, they went
with Cynthia. Cynthia Doyle.
You physically took down
their Christmas lights.
It was March.
They were on vacation.
I heard a rumor that
Cynthia Doyle has fibromyalgia,
so I looked it up
and all the symptoms
are exactly what I have.
I have fibromyalgia.
She's copying me.
She's obsessed with me!
[Kallie sighs]
Can you turn on my karma app?
Damn it, Brad! Come on!
[instructor]
Let go today, Kallie.
Your need for oversight burns
from the ashes of your fear.
Let go and enjoy the ride.
[rousing music]
[Kallie] Oh, I think you're
really gonna be thanking me
after this weekend.
[screaming]
Right on time.
I believe it was
the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu
who said
[speaking Chinese]
Wow! Did you get that, Brad?
I don't think he's listening.
A journey of a thousand miles
begins with one single step.
Oh, can I use that?
I really like that.
I work in real estate.
I'd like to introduce you
to two of our finest members,
Dalton and Luther.
Both are expert healers
and longtime students
of The Ascension.
[Kallie]
Gosh, that stinks.
That's our traditional right
of acquaintance?
[Kallie]
Okay. [sighs]
Please.
Uh! Oh, I did wanna
check his bag before he goes.
He's arrived at a very special
time here at Hope Acres.
Among those chosen
in the year zero.
Okay. Well, can you make sure
he takes his pill?
Sometimes, he forgets.
He'll be taken care of here.
[Kallie]
Okay, honey. Uh, bye.
Don't even think
about having dairy.
I'm proud of you. I love you.
Don't have too much fun
without me.
[sighs] All right.
[ominous instrumental]
[Dalton]
Bradley. Oh, perfect fit.
Please, this way.
Don't be nervous.
I was a patient like you,
but then, soon after, my whole
life completely changed.
Look, Dr. Pavy,
our resident medicine man.
What a pleasure. And please,
Cormac is fine by me.
Doctor,
Bradley's medical records.
Ooh! How wonderful!
I'll take a lookie-poo
through this today.
-[Dalton chuckles]
-[both] May we ascend.
[Dalton laughs]
Please, this way, Bradley.
There's so much to see.
You know, Dr. Pavy, he healed
three slipped discs of mine.
The man is a miracle worker.
Oh, I'm sure you're gonna
make a ton of friends here,
but let me show you around.
Over here we have
our hall of nourishment.
Over to the left,
we have our patient rec center.
And behind that, we have
our very own indoor pool.
But first,
let me show you our garden.
Nature restores
the ascension process,
so you'll be spending
much of your time outdoors
to shed that protective armor
you have cladded to your soul.
Come, I have more to show you.
With the wisdom you'll
absorb within our gardens,
you'll be able to live the rest
of your days in peace,
as is our hope.
You'll come to realize
your soul chose all of this
before you even came here.
-[birds chirping]
-[inhales]
How long do people
usually stay here?
[ominous instrumental]
Until they remember
it's time to leave.
Master Jagori, may we ascend.
Welcome home, Brad the broken.
It's vitamin C.
May we ascend.
May we ascend.
[clock ticking]
[Cynthia]
You work hard for your money,
you need a home that
represents your success.
This elegant home
offers that lifestyle
and like you,
is well maintained.
Who has time to clean
when you are busy
hosting dinner parties?
Don't you want
your own in-island waterfall?
So wet!
If you're like me, ladies,
you like 'em big.
Big ceilings,
big windows, gorgeous views.
This is
the paradise you deserve.
So call Cynthia Doyle today
for your private viewing.
Cynthia,
I don't know how you do it,
but this video
is gonna change real estate
across Owen Sound.
Well, yes. The internet
is our friend, Marcia.
The more that we can captivate
an audience online,
the quicker our homes will sell.
Well, I have full faith that
you have a handle on it here.
Thank you.
Kallie?
Kallie, are-- are you okay?
Yep. I just brought
a snack for everyone.
They're my famous deviled eggs.
It's a little hot in here, so...
thought we could use a snack.
What? Cynthia,
I'm-- I'm so sorry.
No, it-- it-- it's fine.
You know what?
I'm suddenly really hungry.
Uh, I think it's near lunch.
Good call.
Okay, folks, lunchtime.
Let's go get lunch, okay?
You stay there. We need to talk.
Okay, good. Because someone's
been stealing my lawn signs
and I am not very
happy about it.
Uh, excuse me.
This can't be here right now.
We have an open house
on the street.
Do you even have
a permit for this?
Oh, my-- Can you please
get off our lawn?
No. This needs
to be cleaned up now. No.
What? I'm calling the police.
Well, I'm gonna get my lawyer.
Are you filming me?
They were violating
at least three bylaws.
No parents in sight!
Mouths like a crew of pirates!
That's enough.
Kallie, the firm
cannot afford another one
of these ranting meltdowns.
They were positioned
right down the street
from my open house.
What would
potential buyers think?
"Oh, great! Here's some kids,
begging for change
-on the side of the road."
-They're kids for Christ's sake!
And as for those
other complaints,
those charges were dropped
and I had every right
to self-defense.
This could cost you
your real estate license.
I can't have it!
-I'm giving you one more chance.
-What?
You can sell
the Victorian on the hill.
Are you insane?
Now, I don't want to hear
one single complaint from you,
from neighbors or anybody.
Is that clear?
You are to sell that house
and prove to me
that you can be
a responsible realtor.
[eerie music]
[indistinct whispering]
[Marcia]
Sell the Victorian on the hill.
[indistinct whispering]
[Marcia]
Sell the Victorian on the hill.
-Kellie?
-Ah!
Hey, doll. Hi. Yeah,
I-- I hope you're doing okay.
Why? I'm fine. I'm always fine.
I hope that
you're hanging in there.
Oh yeah. No, honey.
I'm-- Yeah, I'm good.
I know-- I just-- I just know
things are tough right now.
I heard about
Bradley being at Hope Acres.
My Brad? No, he's doing great.
Okay. Well, I-- It's just
I sponsor a few patients there.
I could have swore
I saw him at my last visit.
Nope. No, he's at home.
He's doing good.
Yeah. [scoffs]
You know what? Maybe I'm wrong.
Yeah. I must have got it wrong.
You do. You have it wrong.
Oh, gosh!
I'm so-- I'm so relieved.
You know, I thought
maybe there was, you know,
something going on.
Nope. We're good. I'm good.
Brad's good
and we're stronger than ever.
Good.
So, I hope that you get through
what you're
going through as well.
Okay, Kallie. You, uh, you
take care of yourself. Okay?
We'll see you when we see ya.
[upbeat funky instrumental]
You like to work hard,
so why not put some work
into this big classic.
Relax in your
very own sitting room.
Each of these doors
weigh 35 pounds.
Solid wood.
This opportunity
won't last long,
so call Kallie Jones today
to book your
very private showing.
[sniffs]
Okay, Mr. Domazar,
thank you for breaking
your silence with us today.
[clears throat]
Yeah, of course.
-[clears throat]
-Here we go.
-Thank you.
-Hello, my loyal--
Hey there. How's it going?
[Tessa] No, this is the intro.
I'll introduce you.
-Oh!
-It's okay.
I'll just edit it out later.
No, keep it.
-What?
-I want this to be authentic.
Whatever.
Let's just start again.
[announcer]
Unsafe Sects.
Hello, loyal zealots.
Welcome to another episode
of Unsafe Sects.
As always, I'm your ringleader,
Tessa Fantastic.
We've got a big guest on today.
For the past 15 years,
he's been unmasking cults
and deprogramming fanatics.
Welcome to the show,
Dale Domazar.
Yeah. Rock on! Hey, everyone.
Our listeners are very
familiar with your backstory:
your show being canceled,
the lawsuits.
We haven't heard from you
in five years
since the Lost One's debacle.
What made you decide
to break your silence now?
Well, I've been, uh,
taking some time to myself.
I've been doing a lot
of drinkin-- Thinking.
A lot of thinking.
It's time to reenter the world.
Get back to work.
Oh, what kind of work
did you have in mind?
[Dale]
Paid appearances,
some light bounty hunting,
a little private
investigation on the side.
It says here that you got
your private investigator
license revoked when--
Yeah, I'm appealing that.
So, strictly speaking,
you're done with cults?
Look, I know it sounds crazy.
Re-launching, re-inventing,
whatever the hell
you want to call it,
my Cult Buster project.
[laughs] You really
think people will go for that?
-Seriously?
-Yeah, of course they will.
The cult world has evolved.
Cults are less of a threat now.
Even cult experts are
more subtle and nuanced.
At this point,
I think a new show
would be very ill-advised.
You've squeezed everything
you can from this character.
Don't you think
it's time to just,
you know, let it go?
[hard rock instrumental]
-Dale?
-Yeah.
[Tessa]
Okay. Next question.
It was reported
that you went off script
in the season finale,
and that was what caused
the entire Lost One's cult
to commit mass suicide,
when in fact,
they had only been planning
a single human sacrifice.
That cult was demonic!
[Tessa] Maybe. But if it
weren't for the added theatrics
of the show
and your decision making,
then perhaps, the cult
could have lived long enough
for the police to arrive.
[grunting]
[birds chirping]
[alarm clock ringing]
[spiritual music]
[instructor]
Today is a new day
and you've woken up on
the right side of the bed.
It's important
to let your guard down
with any interactions
you may face today.
You might meet someone
you haven't seen
for a while or heard from.
They might have surprising news.
Be understanding.
[dramatic instrumental]
[balloon sputtering]
[dog whining]
Fuck you!
My weekend was great.
It was really nice
to have some alone time,
uh, just to have a glass
of wine, unwind, introspect.
Okay, well, uh,
I guess we better be going.
I'd like to go before
the grocery store closes.
I found us a new vegan bone
marrow recipe we could try.
-Actually, I...
-[Kallie] What?
-I thought you called her.
-Who called me?
Brad has requested an extension
and it's been approved.
No, we didn't.
I didn't approve anything.
Technically,
your consent is not required.
Master Jagori has waived
all the fees and expenses
for Brother Bradley.
Bradley has chosen to complete
his ascension journey.
[scoffs] Okay,
well, the only journey
my husband will be continuing
is the one back to our house
where we live together, now.
Brad! Are you rebuffing me?
No. Yes. I-- I'd like to stay.
[Dalton]
Beautiful work, Brad.
Stunning.
-We're leaving.
-Please respect my boundaries.
Your boundaries? What the fuck
have they done to you?
See, I don't feel like
I'm being heard right now.
Enough of this.
Honey, I brought you here
so that we can be happy,
not so that you stay with these
fucking freaks in bathrobes.
God damn it!
I'm calling the police.
Mrs. Jones, the police
have already been notified.
[Kallie]
For what? What have I done?
You're trespassing.
-You're kidnapping!
-They're on their way now.
They practically insisted
when they heard your name.
What the fuck is wrong
with you people?
What is this?
Some kind of cult?
-This is a cult, isn't it?
-Ma'am, please ma'am.
Honey, you think--
Get your hands off him!
[Dalton]
Come on, ma'am.
[Kallie shouting]
-[car honking]
-God damn it!
-[cars honking]
-Fuck! God damn it!
[screaming]
They came at me.
They were coming right at me,
I couldn't say anything.
What was I supposed to say?
[screaming]
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong!
It was them! They came at me!
I'm a woman! They
were hitting me! They hit me!
I was on the ground!
[sighs & sniffles]
[deep breathing]
[somber instrumental]
[sobbing]
[sobbing louder]
What happened to us, Brad?
Get off me! Of course,
you're gonna record this.
[Dalton]
Ma'am, please step back.
Get your hands off me! Get
that camera-- Get out of my--
Is that what I look like?
Oh.
It wasn't that bad.
God! [sniffs]
I tried my best.
[balloons popping]
Cult Buster.
Think you know cults
Mister, uh, Dale Domazar?
We'll see about that.
Give this a shot.
[suspenseful instrumental]
Okay. See if he's home.
[Dale sighing]
[phone ringing]
[Dale] You've reached
the Cult Buster hotline.
Leave a message.
[beeping]
[Kallie] This is Scenic City
realtor, Kallie Jones.
I'd like to report a cult
here at Owen Sound,
so I need a Cult Buster,
and I guess you're my guy.
So, you're gonna be going
to Hope Acres Wellness Center
and shut them down.
[shaky voice] They have
taken my husband, Brad,
and they assaulted me and you
need to get him outta there
because he's terrified
and alone
and he couldn't
even look me in the eyes.
[panting]
So I need you to go there
and burn them
to the ground. Okay, bye.
[beeping]
[loud gun cock and gunshot]
[hard rock music playing]
[triumphant music]
[gun cocking]
[engine rumbling]
[splashing]
[sighs]
[instructor]
A change is upon you, Dear One.
With your decision to evolve,
the universe moves quickly
to shed all dense energies
so you are ready
to move freely forward.
Hello?
[instructor]
With the moon and transition,
-this is the perfect time.
-[glass shattering]
-[ominous instrumental]
-You are free to feel.
Relationships are a path to--
[glass crunching]
[Kallie]
Excuse me?
Can I help you?
That's not your piata! Brad?
[growling]
Who are you?
How'd you--
How'd you get in here?
[Kallie screaming]
[ceramic shattering]
[Kallie panting]
[Kallie screaming]
[man bellowing]
[Kallie screaming]
[Kallie screaming]
No, no, no, no, no, no.
[Dale]
Hey, creepo.
-[chainsaw buzzing]
-[man groaning]
Sorry about the mess.
Didn't know just what we'd be
dealing with here tonight.
Who the hell are you?
Dale Domazar. You called me
two nights ago. Dale? Me?
Yeah. I did.
Renowned Cult Buster
and exit counselor.
I got here soon as I could.
Renowned or disgraced?
Hey. I'm all you got, lady.
[Kallie panting and sniffing]
About that job offer, accepted.
You and me,
we're gonna investigate
suspected cult activity
rooted in this very community.
You're not very professional.
I thought you'd be taller.
Look, you may think
that I'm bottom of the barrel,
but I get shit done.
You called me as a last resort
because no one believes you
about Hope Acres, correct?
Yeah. Well, you can
bet your ass that I do.
So, I'm not crazy
and they are a cult. Okay!
I've studied fringe factions
my entire life. Ever since...
Ever since what?
Never mind. It doesn't matter.
Okay. Well,
I'm gonna call the cops.
No. No, that's
exactly what they want.
Most cult yearn
for armed confrontation.
It validates their end game.
[sighs] You move in
and surround those assholes,
lay siege?
Well, you can kiss your hubby
and everybody else embroiled
in that kooky compound goodbye.
They're minced meat.
-All right, fine.
-[Dale] Okay, then.
Pack your shit.
I'm parked down the street.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
It's not safe here.
We killed one of theirs.
They will be back.
You killed. You killed
one of theirs in my home.
I just saved your ass.
If it wasn't for me,
you'd be dead,
or worse, indoctrinated.
But stay.
Be my goddamn guest.
You need me a hell of
a lot more than I need you.
Don't tell me what I need.
I'm staying. This is insane.
Fine, by all means.
But you need to realize
that I'm not
the one to worry about.
They know where you live,
and they will not stop
until you are dead.
Do you know a safe place
that we can go?
Because you have no idea who
the fuck we're dealing with.
Yeah, I-- I know a place.
[Dale] Great. Now, do you
want to hear the good news?
Because they have no idea
who the fuck
they're dealing with either.
[electric guitar riff]
So, what's this
hide out of yours?
It's a house I'm selling.
How much?
You could never afford it.
We'll see about that
soon enough.
[engine thrumming]
[Kallie]
I just don't understand
why they would wanna attack me?
[Dale]
Two days ago,
when you tried
to steal from their flock.
[Kallie]
You mean my husband?
[Dale] Yeah. You pushed them
on their own turf.
I mean, you practically
snapped Brad out of the spell.
The whole thing would've
imploded like a house of cards.
I have to admit,
I kind of liked the moxie.
It was rude, crude,
and right on the mark.
However, you don't just
provoke a fucking death cult
like that. No.
What we need here is subtlety
and sophistication
to gain access.
A death cult.
Jesus Christ, Brad!
Stay with me here,
Kallie Jones.
Here's what we're not gonna do.
We're not gonna storm
in there guns blazing. No!
They'll hunker down
and we'll have ourselves
a 90-day standoff
on national television.
What?
What we need here is
covert concealment. Yeah.
We gotta get in there,
earn their trust,
pull back the curtain,
rescue the followers,
and detain the leader
and expose it all on
a one-hour TV special, baby.
I knew that there
was some angle with you!
And I'm willing to offer you
my platinum
deprogramming program.
Do not try to upsell me.
I'm a natural born negotiator.
You mean bullshitter?
[tires screeching]
[Dale panting]
All right, tell me
about this platinum package.
Well, you'll get
infiltration, extraction,
three months of thought
reform consultations,
and all I need is
my per diem, gas, food,
lodging, maybe a haircut.
And if we're successful,
you'll get 25% of my comeback
special royalties.
Whatever. Just get my husband
outta that freak fest
and we got a deal.
Yeah!
Whoa! This place is--
-I know. It's--
-Fucking awesome! Whew!
[Kallie] There's a couple
bedrooms upstairs,
so you can just pick one.
No, I'm on the job.
I'm gonna stay out here
and keep an eye on things.
Suit yourself.
[ominous instrumental]
[heart monitor beeps]
[man screaming]
[knock on the door]
Come in.
Master Jagori would like to
have a word with you, Bradley.
Oh, right now?
In the pool.
Uh, okay.
We do not go in there.
What was that?
Tonsillitis.
May we ascend.
We may.
[Jagori] I'd like to
check in with you, Brad.
Thank you, sir.
You've had some spectacular
success in the mere days
that you've been with us.
[indistinct]
More than
many achieve in years.
I knew you were significant
early on when you arrived.
The greats come from
the lowest of the lows.
Yeah. Uh, well, it's--
it's nice to relax for once.
I-- I do feel accepted here.
I feel like I can breathe a bit.
Well, we would like
to formally invite you
to level up at the quantum
edification ceremony tomorrow.
Wow! [chuckles]
I don't know what to say.
You know, few have
receive such an invitation
and even fewer
have anything to say about it.
Well, thank you.
It-- it-- it's everything
that I was hoping for.
Good. Good.
It's just, um,
my wife, can she come?
Oh, Brad! [exhales]
You need to focus
on your own path.
When we lean on partners,
we cease to make
our own choices.
Sometimes in relationships
you get to the point--
Well, it's not a point. Maybe
it's just a limit exceeded.
Soon, us becomes them.
You see what I'm saying to you?
I'm not quite sure I follow.
Your wife is
a bloodsucking vampire.
Kallie? No, no.
Kallie means well.
-[Jagori] No, no, no!
-She loves me.
No, she treats you
like a child, Brad.
Step into your power!
Ugh!
We have to control ourselves.
We make the choices.
Okay. I'll be there.
Good.
The guides have
great plans for you.
[panting]
All right.
Camera and sound, aces.
Calibration, primo.
Framing is fucking epic.
Let's do this.
All right. Cult Buster,
season two, scene four.
And this episode of Cult Buster
is brought to you
by Scenic City realtor,
Kallie Jones.
All right, folks. We're
going down the rabbit hole.
Going into this
here haunted house
and we're gonna
surveil the premises
for any cult activity
or fucking booby traps.
Kallie?
Scenic City realtor,
Kallie Jones?
Yeah, I'm in here.
I just need another minute.
[instructor]
With new energy on the horizon,
you are reminded to
stay grounded in your routine.
It can be easy--
[Dale] Cult Buster season two,
scene five, take one.
What the hell
is going on in here?
Kallie Jones, we have
a big day today. Sit down.
Where? There's shit
all over my bed!
Anywhere.
It doesn't matter. Please.
Are those guns?
All right. I've created an
excellent pre-production video
to get us started.
Watch this. Action.
[hard rock music playing]
Do you need a safe space oasis?
Look no further
than Hope Acres,
a run-of-the-mill
wellness center
located in
the sleepy hamlet of Owen Sound.
[ominous instrumental]
But pull back the curtains
and you'll find
an ungodly personality cult
centered around its
charming guru, Master Jagori.
Real name Ira Keating,
61, white, lazy.
Little is known of the man,
but he is just a man,
let's remember that.
He studied Shamanism,
mycology, cursed warfare.
He traveled
Central America, Amazonia,
and later,
the Himalayan foothills.
Then, he writes
an autobiographical novella
called The Grand Affliction.
Two star average review.
But from its main tenets,
he forms the basis
of his master shell game:
The Ascension.
The compound is purchased
in a private sale
on the outskirts
of an unsuspecting town,
ripe with disenchantment.
Then, Jagori elevates
his personal assistant
and two fan boys
in his manifesto
to form their
sub-leadership framework.
These three Igors are entrusted
to implement
a rigid hierarchy of command.
The patients are gently
brainwashed into accepting
an increasingly
authoritarian internal culture.
The Ascension program
steals the language used
in new age mysticism
to achieve the exact opposite
of the free spirit ethos.
And evidently,
some of these patients graduate
into axe-wielding zealots
like our friend from last night.
They're masquerading
as a wellness center
with the aim
of enticing despondent men.
Hey, Kallie Jones?
Do you not understand
the severity of this situation?
Yes, I understand
the severity of the situation
and you can bet your ass
we can do your little game plan
as soon as I've done my showing.
-What?
-[Kallie] I have a house showing
today, here.
I haven't had a buyer in months
and if I don't
sell something soon,
Brad won't even have
a house to come back to anyway.
Everyone deals
with stress differently
and focusing on this deal
is the only thing keeping me
from shaving my head.
[Dale] Here.
I've made
a couple of risky forays.
around the perimeter
of the compound last weekend.
I managed to set up
three spy cameras
on the outside
of the main building
in the event that we can
get some concrete video evidence
to use for my comeback special.
What the-- That's Cynthia Doyle.
She mentioned she's
sponsoring a couple patients
at Home Acres.
Sponsoring or recruiting?
Town records have
her first land deal
as an estate sale
of the old Moreland Place
to one Ira Keating.
And she just won
Realtor of the Year,
ending my winning streak.
That's it!
I have to sell this house today.
Kallie, how well
do you know this buyer?
We spoke on the phone.
Those clever bastards!
What are you insinuating?
We may have a bidding war.
And so, in conclusion,
we are the intended.
We are the brides of creation,
and the day before you
arrived here at Hope Acres,
you were perfect.
Okay. Well, why don't
we sing the Ascension song.
I will ascend
with Master Jagori
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up,
ascending to glory
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I got my wings
from Master Jagori
I'm never
gonna know your name
I'm never gonna know you
This is the last time
Ascension is the way
His name is my name
My name is your name
My name is just the same
He will take me
Master Jagori,
he will take me where I go
The ascension is the way
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
[ominous instrumental]
We need to find a hiding spot.
How much time do we got?
[Kallie]
Any minute now.
[Dale sighs]
[Dale sniffles]
What is this?
[Kallie]
They're my famous devilled eggs.
Oh, jackpot.
Not here. Let me just
stick it in here. Perfect.
[indistinct].
This is a setup!
[doorbell rings]
I need the floor. You gotta
go hide. Calm the hell down!
[panting]
Welcome, welcome. Kallie Jones,
Scenic City Realty.
[distorted]
Mum, you can call me Mr. Mort.
Well, come on in, Mr. Mort.
Now the house was
built in 1870 by...
[muffled speech]
The house was
used as a flophouse,
a gambling den
and a murder mystery theater.
Very good locks. Champagne?
Okay. Now, it's
a little musty in here.
The house has not been updated
and holds a lot
of its original charm,
but I like to think
of it as a blank canvas.
What will you paint?
[distorted]
Did someone die in here?
[Kallie] I believe
they were sick for many years,
but they did get them
on the front lawn
before they passed.
Uh, anyways,
beautiful dining room up here.
Family man, Mr. Mort?
Lots of memories to be
made in this dining room.
-[organ playing]
-I'll tell you that much.
You can carve a turkey.
You look like you've carved
a couple turkeys in your day.
Oh, a songbird. Yes.
The organ does
come with the house
and I've been known to tickle
an ivory or two in my day.
Now, I will tell you
that we have had a few offers.
I will be upfront about that.
Have you fixed up
many homes, Mr. Mort?
It does need a little TLC,
but location's everything,
right? [chuckles]
It doesn't get safer
than Owen Sound.
Did you see the lemonade stand
down the street?
It happens every weekend.
I haven't been able
-to keep a quarter on me since.
-[chime clanking]
[distorted] Kallie,
is there someone else here?
No. It's just
you and me, Mr. Mort.
I'd love to take you upstairs.
Four bedroom, three bath.
Are you much
of a soaker, Mr. Mort?
I've been
getting into meditation
and I find the bathtub
is my sanctuary.
A couple bath bombs,
a little bit of salt
and a little music.
[chuckles] You know what?
It's crazy what you can--
Oh, Mr. Mort?
Oh yeah, the kitchen.
Okay. Mr. Mort,
is everything okay?
[distorted]
Is there a basement?
Yeah, it's right here.
[distorted]
Can you show me it?
Ah, yes.
That would be my pleasure.
Now, it's a little musty
down here as well. Kind of dark.
A little cold
and dark down here,
but I thought it'd be nice
for a wine cellar.
[tense music]
And I'm hoping to
get your email address
because we do have a survey
for Realtor of the Year Award
and that would
really help things.
[gunshot]
[indistinct lyrics]
[Kallie]
Great secrets of a home,
but I'm real with my buyers.
I'm an open book.
Oh! Oh my gosh.
You're quite
the home inspector, Mr. Mort.
Luckily, we are on a backup
generator, which is nice.
[distorted]
A message from Master Jagori.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
[distorted]
Join us as a recruiter
and witness Brad's ascension
this very evening.
Brad? How do you know Brad?
[evil laughter]
[metal clanking]
[groans]
I'm sorry. You were
right about Hope Acres.
[Kallie screams]
No, no, no, no, no!
[glass shattering]
[Kallie screams]
[Dale grunting]
[Kallie screaming]
[growling]
[Dale]
Love these French doors.
[Kallie screams]
[Mr. Mort groans]
Mr. Mort is le mort.
All right, Kallie,
rolling. Okay.
Season two, scene 17--
16-- 17. Okay.
Mortified. Yeah.
Let's do that again.
Move closer. Yep.
Scene 17. Mortified.
[static]
So, what the hell do
you get outta this anyways?
Let's just say I've been trying
to deprogram people
for a long time.
But why?
[sigh] My sister.
I lost her.
Oh, geez.
I'm sorry. What happened?
[Dale sighs]
25 years ago,
my sister and I ran away
from a foster home,
signed up for
a traveling carnival.
They were gonna save our asses.
[sighs]
We moved into one of their RVs
and started traveling
town to town,
learning the secret
carnie language.
We were drinking it all in.
True believers.
"The Domazar kids."
There was this head honcho guy,
called himself the Viceroy.
He was always babbling on
about the end of days.
He set us up
in the ticket booth.
He kept all the money,
but somehow,
in this fucked up society,
it all made perfect sense to us.
Then, one day, the jig was up,
a gravitron operator escaped
and he exposed
the whole racket to the media.
It was a true shit show,
literally.
Apparently, the Viceroy
had set up cameras in the RVs
and was recording
everybody on the toilet,
and sending out videos
and blackmailing
all of our relatives.
[sighs]
But we refused to believe it.
I mean, this was the Viceroy
we were talking about.
[sighs] And the coppers,
they surrounded us at
the Phelpston County fair.
[distant sirens wailing]
Two-week besiegement began,
then the assault from the feds.
Only a few of us
made it out of there alive.
[distant gunshots]
That's the last time
I saw my sister.
-[faded gunshots]
-Shit!
Yeah. Shit.
[music fading off]
I mean, last I heard
she was doing all right.
Got a promotion
to games manager.
What? Your sister isn't dead?
Uh, no!
It's scary how far someone
can get inside your head.
All it takes is figuring out
everyone's mental lock
combination, like a horoscope.
And I guess your Brad
was one easy crack.
-What did you say?
-Crack.
No! Horoscope.
[instructor]
Today will be a day of endings.
You've been running
for too long,
but your problems
will always catch up.
This is how I found out
about Hope Acres.
It was a random ad I had
to listen to to get my reading.
[Dale]
Let me see that.
[Kallie] They've been
writing my daily horoscopes.
I knew they were
way too accurate.
Oh, Kallie! They've been
tracking you this whole time.
Hey!
[gunshots]
[man grunts]
[man gurgling]
A missing nose. A missing ear.
And Mr. Mort
didn't have any eyes.
I'm developing a theory.
What if they're harvesting
body parts from the patients?
Like some kind of fucked up
Frankenstein experiment?
Oh, no! Brad!
And Jagori's book
mentioned all of this.
The quest for eternal youth
through ridding the body
of defective parts
for some kind of offering.
Maybe those zealots
had issues with sight,
sound and scent.
Kallie, think. Think hard!
Is there any weak part
in Brad's anatomy?
Our health team
said that he's unprolific.
Well, what does that mean?
He's sterile!
Sweet mother of Christ!
[Jagori]
Guess who's here.
[man] Master.
[Jagori]
Dalton and Luther,
is that where you think
that's supposed to go?
You're wrong.
We discussed a different spot.
Please use your imaginations.
Pavy, what do
you call those things?
God's teeth, sir.
God's teeth? God, Pavy.
You take my breath away.
All right, everyone. Assemble.
All right.
Good evening, everybody.
Now, we're gonna run
through a little rehearsal.
It starts out with, uh,
the people at the back, right?
With Dalton and Luther
lined up there.
Pavy, you'll be at the,
uh, altar with the offering.
And, uh, then I'm gonna walk in,
uh, since he's gonna
lead the way, uh,
and I'll land
right here like this.
Uh, Martin, uh,
he's going to thank me,
uh, for being here
and I will thank him
for the introduction.
And, uh, Martin, is that--
is that where you want to be,
right there? Is it?
Because you look like--
You just look like you
wandered up here and stopped.
There. Think about it.
Thank you. Thank you, Martin.
Okay, so I just--
Then, I'm gonna
have to make a reference
to Brad's, uh, manhood.
I'm gonna have
the male organ of Brad.
What am I gonna call it, Martin?
I just, I don't
want this to be funny.
The organ of continuation.
Organ of continuation.
That's fantastic.
Did you write that?
That's fantastic. Okay.
Then, everybody's
going to be there.
They'll be toasting
and the, uh, the doses
of the elixir will be consumed
by the intended, yes?
Uh, and then,
I guess at some point,
I'm going to eat
the organ of contemplation.
-Continuation. Sorry.
-Organ of whatever.
And then, um, I will depart
for the after realms.
How does that work?
[Jagori]
How does what work?
Sorry. Your departure?
Well, I depart. I-- I leave,
uh, this earthly plane.
-I ascend.
-Just like that?
No, not just like that.
[Jagori] It's not a goddamn
escalator at the fucking mall.
It's an ascension. Jesus Christ!
Okay, so, uh, then, uh,
Cynthia will take over
my teachings for whatever
and then flee, right?
And I will, uh,
meet my disciples in the ether
and so we'll wrap it up there,
I think. Uh, that's it.
So, if you've got
any other questions,
I'll be in the pool.
Well, this is exciting.
[gunshot]
[Dale]
Not bad.
-[gunshot]
-Not bad at all.
[gunshot]
I want you to have this
in case I don't come back.
[gun cocking]
And these. They've set
their sights on you, Kallie.
You can never be too careful.
Now, you lay low out here
while I work my magic
from the inside.
-How?
-I thought you'd never ask.
Check this shit out.
[beeping]
[ominous instrumental]
Cult Buster,
season two, scene 29, take one.
Dale Domazar here
with my foolproof plan
to gain access to Hope Acres.
Step one, easily fool
the assessment interviewer
to gain access.
Step two, embed myself amongst
the worker bee zealots.
Step three,
infiltrate the leadership
and figure out whatever the fuck
they're plotting.
Step four...
kick their fucking asses.
Step five,
rescue Brad and the boys.
Yeah!
Now remember, I've got
these guys all on camera
and they're not gonna know
what the fuck hit them.
Now, wish me luck.
Good luck, Dale.
Call me Cult Buster.
No.
Do you wanna get
that, uh, camera for me?
[ominous instrumental]
Yeah. It's gonna be a no for us.
[phone ringing]
Yes.
Yes.
Understood.
[whispering]
Master Jagori wants him to stay.
[Martin]
All right [indistinct].
Well, it seems
you've been accepted after all.
Um, Dalton will take you
to your quarters, Mr. Hobney.
You've been requested
to dine privately
with Master Jagori this evening.
Oh, really! Spectacular.
I would truly be honored.
Dale Domazar,
the professional Cult Buster,
here reporting from the
belly of the beast as one
Mr. Hobney.
At risk, middle-aged male,
just taking it all in.
And by that,
I mean, hook, line,
and stinker.
The Hobney avatar has proven
successful 100% of the time,
and I believe
I've even jumped the cue.
But I'm not gonna lie,
going undercover
in an environment such as this
is as dangerous as it gets.
These people are highly trained
at penetrating
the new recruit until he bleeds.
I must be only Hobney now.
Become Hobney.
Hobney. Domazar. I am Hobney.
Domazar! Oh!
-[knock on door]
-Shit.
Shit!
Uh! Cynthia Doyle!
You know my name! I'm flattered.
Well, everyone knows
who you are.
In fact, I was sitting
on your face just yesterday.
-I beg your pardon?
-Park bench.
You are truly gifted
at self-promotion.
Oh, well thank you,
Mr. Hobby. [chuckles]
-Um, it's Hobney. Hobney.
-Hm.
[Luther] You've arrived
at the final rundle
on the ladder
of quantum edification.
Tonight, climb shall give way
to flight.
There are two elixirs
to experience.
The first is the pinnacle
of your wellness journey.
The ayahuasca sacrament.
Drink and shed your dead skin.
[slurping]
[Cynthia] Well, you have the
opposite problem, don't you?
Uh, how do you figure?
Come on! If I can be frank,
Mr... Hobney, [chuckles]
the men that find themselves
here are all a--
a specific type, let's say.
Oh, and what type is that?
Beta.
What's the second drink?
[Luther] Bradley, it's the final
tool of your ascension.
It will deliver us, all of us,
to Jagori in the after realm.
[Pavy]
May we ascend.
[Cynthia]
Hopelessly beta.
-May we ascend.
-[Cynthia] Submissive.
May we ascend.
[Cynthia] Simps.
Cucks.
Is that what you are,
Mr. Hobney?
You don't know the first thing
about me, Ms. Doyle.
So, you're not such a beta?
Well, what do you think?
I think that maybe
you don't belong here.
And I could say the same
thing about you, Ms. Doyle.
Oh, you can say
whatever you like, Mr. Gibney.
Hob-- Hobney.
Mr. Hob-Hobney. I'm just here
to give you the tour
and I'm gonna
show you everything.
All of it. All.
Uh...
I think I've seen
just about enough Ms. Doyle.
Are you opting out of my tour?
Yeah. I'm more of
a main event kind of guy.
Hm. As you wish.
[hard rock instrumental]
Ever have I longed
for the secret serenity
that I first foresaw
when I dreamt of the ascension.
The ancient Greeks had
a term for it:
ataraxia.
A complete absence
of stress and anxiety.
-May we ascend.
-[all] May we ascend.
Cheers, Martin.
You may be excused.
We'll see you tonight
at the edification ceremony.
-I have a--
-Uh-- You know, sorry.
May I ask you something?
When you killed
all of those poor people
on your silly show and then
bootlegged your own videos
to bankroll the legal fees,
did you ever think, you know,
"Maybe I am the one who belongs
in a place like Hope Acres?"
You know, "Maybe-- maybe
I am the one who needs help?
Maybe, just maybe,
Mr. Hobney is a more decent,
more genuine man
than that jarhead jack-off
you call Dale Domazar.
[huffs]
That's a burn. [chuckles]
Well, have I got
a surprise for you guys.
I'm not Mr. Hobney
and this cult is busted. Yeah!
Shh.
Now, I'm gonna tell you
what's gonna happen next.
I feel I owe you a story,
Dale Domazar.
Uh, I wasn't finished.
[Jagori] A story
that might shed some light.
When I was a young man,
consumed with a terrible fever
to travel the world
in search of answers,
ancient answers,
for our modern predicament.
I found myself
high in the Andes, Peru.
When I say high,
I was tripping, man,
on this potent ayahuasca.
And so, there I found myself
in the sacred valley,
in the long shadow
of the ancient citadel
of Machu Pikachu.
-It's, uh, Picchu.
-What?
[chuckles]
It's, uh, it's, Machu Picchu.
Funny. I didn't see
you there, Mrs. Doyle.
Anyway, anyway, where was I?
Oh, yes. I met this shaman
who ferried me across
to the ancient island that
was lost in the mists of time.
You see, thousands of years ago,
the village was beset with
a terrible plague of leprosy,
and they banished those lepers
onto this island,
this nameless island.
Never given a name.
Not to this very day,
as far as I know.
And in the summer solstice,
the very same shaman
would return to the island
and surgically remove
the offending features
from the, uh,
wretched unfortunates.
And he would ferry it back
in a sack, a meat sack,
and he'd return to the village
and give it to a medicine woman
who was under the influence
of the very same
terrible hallucinogen
that I was then
reeling under myself.
And she prepared a meal
and served it up to the shaman
and it was a ritualistic
removal of sin from the village.
And for this, for this,
he was rewarded
with an ascension
into the after realms
and from there,
he had a great influence
on the events of this world.
And then the lepers,
well, they were--
they were welcomed back
and treated like royalty.
Oh, wow! So, they were
able to cure leprosy?
No, no, no.
Leprosy is a terrible disease
and it followed
its own course and--
and they had to go back to
the island and then back again.
And the cycle repeated itself
until really the island
was just populated
with human worms.
Anyway, uh,
the point of the story
is that shaman ascended.
-He did?
-Oh, he did so.
Wow!
Mind blown!
[blows raspberry]
Oh.
Oh, funny you
should say that. [laughs]
What? What's so funny?
Oh, well, I think what
the master is trying to say
is that your brain damage
is also on the menu tonight.
I resent that!
It's funny, but, uh,
he eluded your honey trap
earlier tonight, Mrs. Doyle.
I believe that was a problem
with a different part
of his anatomy.
Well, we have one
of those ready to go as well.
[sarcastic laughter]
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, while you simpletons
we're busy playing
your game of checkers,
I was all about
the royal game of chess.
[overlapping whispering]
[Jagori]
King me!
Prepare another alter
and tell the doctor to brush up
on his lobotomy skills.
I think we have another
offering for the festivities.
I can't feel my eyes.
Why can't I feel my eyes?
And that would be the,
uh, strong deliriant that you--
that you put in his drink.
That was my idea.
Nice one.
[evil laughter]
If I may, Master, I have
uncovered a hidden spy camera
on one of our trees
in the courtyard.
Wow! Leave it. Let the world
see our masterpiece.
[chuckles] You've done
terrific work, Dalton.
Thank you, Master.
May we ascend.
Now...
who do you think turned
this Cult Buster onto us?
I can think of somebody.
[suspenseful instrumental]
What the? That's who's been
stealing my signs?
[coughing and gagging]
[fly buzzing]
Oh, my God. Brad.
[panting]
[deep laughter]
[gun cocking]
Brad.
[indistinct chanting]
[indistinct whispering]
[evil laughter]
[Jagori]
Prepare the altar.
[foreboding
ritualistic instrumental]
[chanting]
[ghostly voice]
Give him your heart.
[incoherent chatter]
[evil laughter]
I can feel you!
[chanting]
Drink!
[laughter]
So, do you have
anything left to say?
[sighs] Uh, uh-uh.
[Kallie]
I do!
[blood gushing]
[Kallie groans]
I'd like to speak
with your manager!
[gunshot]
Everybody on your hands now!
You are trespassing.
[gunshot]
Bradley,
I'm here for you, honey.
I sent an email, but I can
see you guys are a little busy.
Don't move.
No, no, no, no, no.
[gunshot]
[metal clanking]
Brad, honey? Brad, honey?
Are you okay? I'm here.
Hi. Hi, Cynthia.
Scenic City Realtor,
Kallie Jones.
They doped me
and stole my hair. Nice tattoo.
I've lived a life.
No, no. Don't listen to her.
You're here to ascend.
May we ascend.
Drink, you idiots.
No! We can
still ascend together.
We can see Master Jagori
in the after realms together.
Drink it! Please!
Step away from the patients.
[blood gushing]
Don't drink that.
Put that shit down.
Hold up. Hold up, okay?
Look at your leader now.
He doesn't love you. I do.
I love you. I love you guys.
Okay, we're gonna go. Can
you walk? Can you walk, honey?
Come on! Come on!
Stay back, Cynthia!
I'm here for you.
Put the drinks--
Yeah, put them down.
That's what we like.
Yeah, dump that shit.
Come on, honey.
Come on! It's time to go.
Wake up! Wake up!
-[Kallie shrieks]
-This is a private ceremony.
What's your damage, lady?
[gunshot]
[panting]
Come on, honey. Come on.
[Kallie screaming]
[Kallie gasping]
Cynthia Doyle.
[thud]
[breathing heavily & coughing]
[ominous instrumental]
What the fuck is wrong with
you motherfuckers? Seriously!
Jesus Christ,
you wanna party, huh?
Dale Domazar, you manky
fucking mall cop, huh?
What about you, Kallie Jones?
You alcoholic [indistinct]
demented motherfucking
soccer mom!
Brad, you birthday boy.
Come blow out
your fucking candle!
[Jagori screaming]
Come on! I love everybody.
I love you
and I fucking love you! Come on!
Let's do it! Yeah!
This is my party.
My fucking party!
[gunshot]
[triumphant instrumental]
Come on down, bud. Come on.
Got ya.
And Cult Buster season two
is wrapped! Yeah!
Yeah!
[fire flickering]
[hopeful instrumental]
[Kallie] Like I said before,
life isn't always
an inspirational
hand-stitched embroidery quote.
It's messy and unpredictable.
It's okay to not be in control.
It only took me
saving my husband
from a cannibalistic
death cult to realize that.
But hey, I'm only human
and I'm okay with that.
I've learned to let go
and let be what is.
We all wanna become
a part of something bigger
to feel important,
to feel needed,
but the most important thing
you'll ever be a part of
is right in front of you.
[metal unsheathing]
[hard rock instrumental]
[ominous music]
I will ascend
with Master Jagori
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up,
ascending to glory
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I got my wings
from Master Jagori
I'm never
gonna know your name
I'm never gonna know you
Oh, his name is my name
My name is your name
My name is just the same
He will take me
Master Jagori,
he will take me where I go
The ascension is
The way
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
Yeah
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I got my wings
from Master Jagori
I'm going up,
wind's going to take me
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up
Oh, what is it?
What have you done?
-[Martin] I'm going up.
-What have you done?
-I'm sorry, Master Jagori.
-That's not right.
-I'm sorry.
-Just start again.
[whimsical dramatic music]
[crows cawing]
[growling]
[metal clanking]
[Theoren] I want to thank
for your patience,
your servility,
your...
donations.
Tonight marks the end
of a long, hard yesterday,
and the dawn
of a glorious new tomorrow!
[bird cooing]
[ominous instrumental]
It's time.
[metal clanking]
[groans]
Uh, I think we need
to pause right here and um,
just think about all of this.
Um...
[zipper unzipping]
Yeah, just, uh,
just think and uh...
just, uh...
Surprise fuckers!
[dramatic guitar riff]
I'm sorry. Who are you?
I'm Dale Domazar, Cult Buster
and expert day programmer.
And this cult is busted.
[hard rock music playing]
[cow mooing]
[Dale]
Previously on Cult Buster,
expert gumshoe,
Dale Domazar, has closed in
on a sinister death cult
known as The Lost Ones.
I'm Dale Domazar,
the one true Cult Buster,
here to remind you that America
is constantly shitting out
new cults by absorbing
debris of the old ones.
Jonestown, Heaven's Gate,
The Branch Davidian
all give rise to new ones
like QAnon, NXIVM, CrossFit,
and now the Lost Ones, yeah.
We've pinpointed their camp,
just outside
Fairfax, Saskatchewan,
and we've secretly installed
five hidden cameras
throughout the compound.
They're a blood-thirsty
collective of dead enders
and true believers.
Their leader,
a charlatan par excellence,
calls himself
Theoren the Shepherd.
This is fundamental.
A personality cult.
The minions worship the leader
and exalt him
to godlike status.
That's fanaticism.
Go, go, go.
I managed to extract
a Lost Ones defector
and escort them to safety.
We're in the clear.
Now, we do a delicate
brain scrub for intel
on their master plan.
You're in a safe space
here with ol' double D.
Now, tell me everything
I need to know
about the Lost Ones!
It's okay. You're safe.
[woman] They controlled
every aspect of our lives
and they kept alluding
to a purification ceremony.
[Dale] These bastards
are up to something
and it's time to go undercover.
We now go live
to the season one finale.
And this cult is busted!
[electric guitar riff]
Who among our number
ordered a clown?
There's no starship coming,
but I'm here to help you
and I can provide exit
counseling for small fee.
Nice to meet you, Dale,
but we're in
the middle of something.
Everybody freeze. Now!
[metal squeaking]
[grunting]
[metal squeaking]
[evil laughter]
[Dale gagging]
Jesus!
Awaken, my star seeds.
Everybody, hold up.
Stay where you are.
This idiot pretender
has poisoned
our purification ceremony.
I've alerted the authorities,
and they are very close.
When we made our vows,
you took an oath in the event
that we were [indistinct].
I now enact the unmask protocol!
-[gun cocking]
-I will shoot you.
End my suffering.
Okay, well then,
I-- I don't know.
I'll, uh, I'll shoot
your fucking knees off.
You really haven't
thought this through, have you?
[pants] One.
-One.
-[Dale] No.
What are you doing?
Stop that. I'm counting.
Two.
[Dale] No, no. I say two,
fucker! No, don't do that.
[Theoren] Three.
-No.
-[bellowing]
[Dale] Don't! No!
No, don't do that.
No, what are you doing?
Stop that.
What are you fucking doing?
-[evil laughter]
-[Dale] Spit that out.
Spit that out. No!
[evil laughter]
[ominous instrumental]
Asshole!
[suspenseful music]
Uh, please!
Dale, what the hell
happened here?
Uh...
the Lost Ones have been found.
[downtrodden rock instrumental]
[whimsical
orchestral instrumental]
[Kallie]
I'll be the first to admit
that life isn't always
an inspirational hand
stitched embroidery quote.
It wasn't always this way.
Things were looking up
when we moved Owen Sound.
I found us
a beautiful three bedroom home
in hopes that
our family would grow,
just like our love
for each other had,
but the universe
had other plans.
Plans we're still
trying to navigate.
Sure, there's a lot
less pressure on us now,
but nonetheless, our marriage
started to feel off.
Like an old recipe that
just doesn't taste the same.
Not enough spice perhaps,
or maybe too much.
If I don't like something,
I return it
and I want my marriage to return
to how it was,
before Brad went all loopy.
The extreme hair loss,
selective hearing.
Not to mention,
he almost bought a painting
without consulting me
for the front foyer.
Brad's even demoted himself
at his investment
firm twice now
just to relieve
some unnecessary stress.
I'm really at
the end of my rope.
I feel like I've done
everything to help him.
It's amazing
I even got him here.
But you know,
when it comes down to it,
I really wanna do this for him.
For me. For everyone.
For us. For me.
Not to say we're not happy.
We're happy, right?
The question was
actually for Brad.
-Oh!
-Brad, what do you hope
to get out of this place?
I guess a sense of purpose.
Beyond?
It's okay.
A honey do list.
[scoffs]
I think you're gonna
fit in perfectly here.
Our resident
spiritual elder is none other
than Master Jagori.
He alchemized a safe space
for self-awareness,
for transcendence,
specifically tailored for men
like our Bradley here.
A program called The Ascension.
His teachings elevate oneself
to a higher frequency.
Too often, we find ourselves
swimming up river.
Well, here at Hope Acres,
we surrender to the current.
It's a stream,
but of consciousness.
Master Jagori can do
great things for you, Brad,
but it depends on
how open you are to change.
Are you ready
to join The Ascension?
I really like it.
I sure as hell don't buy
any of that witch-doctor jargon,
but for you, it's perfect.
They're gonna snap you
right out of this pity party
you got going on. And it seems
like they have guys there
who have it way worse than you,
so it's gonna give you
some perspective.
[ominous instrumental]
We'll just pay our way
out of the sadness
[muffled] and one day,
we can laugh about all this.
[rooster crowing]
[sighs]
[toothbrush rustling]
[Dale gurgling and spitting]
[can fizzing]
[burps]
[fly buzzing]
Hey. Hey.
[belches and sighs]
[distorted]
Hey! Remember me?
I'm Dale Domazar. Good old
double D, the Cult Buster guy.
Do you need to wish a friend
a happy birthday?
[fly buzzing]
Do you need-- Fuck!
Do you need to wish a friend
a happy birthday?
Or maybe your child
needs a pep talk.
Hell, I'll even
break up with your boyfriend
on your behalf.
I'm your guy.
Just $20 for 60 seconds of me.
And do you need
any manual labor done?
Give me a shout
because this cult is bust--
[static]
-[melancholic music]
-[engine thrumming]
[garage door squeaking]
[door unlatching]
[Kallie] Brad?
[garage door squeaking]
[Brad coughing]
[Kallie] There you are.
You started the car and
I didn't know where you went.
[Brad coughing]
You're gonna have to look
at the return policy on
this thing.
Adventure awaits.
[cheerful instrumental]
[Kallie]
Can you believe it?
Believe what?
The McLaughlins, they went
with Cynthia. Cynthia Doyle.
You physically took down
their Christmas lights.
It was March.
They were on vacation.
I heard a rumor that
Cynthia Doyle has fibromyalgia,
so I looked it up
and all the symptoms
are exactly what I have.
I have fibromyalgia.
She's copying me.
She's obsessed with me!
[Kallie sighs]
Can you turn on my karma app?
Damn it, Brad! Come on!
[instructor]
Let go today, Kallie.
Your need for oversight burns
from the ashes of your fear.
Let go and enjoy the ride.
[rousing music]
[Kallie] Oh, I think you're
really gonna be thanking me
after this weekend.
[screaming]
Right on time.
I believe it was
the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu
who said
[speaking Chinese]
Wow! Did you get that, Brad?
I don't think he's listening.
A journey of a thousand miles
begins with one single step.
Oh, can I use that?
I really like that.
I work in real estate.
I'd like to introduce you
to two of our finest members,
Dalton and Luther.
Both are expert healers
and longtime students
of The Ascension.
[Kallie]
Gosh, that stinks.
That's our traditional right
of acquaintance?
[Kallie]
Okay. [sighs]
Please.
Uh! Oh, I did wanna
check his bag before he goes.
He's arrived at a very special
time here at Hope Acres.
Among those chosen
in the year zero.
Okay. Well, can you make sure
he takes his pill?
Sometimes, he forgets.
He'll be taken care of here.
[Kallie]
Okay, honey. Uh, bye.
Don't even think
about having dairy.
I'm proud of you. I love you.
Don't have too much fun
without me.
[sighs] All right.
[ominous instrumental]
[Dalton]
Bradley. Oh, perfect fit.
Please, this way.
Don't be nervous.
I was a patient like you,
but then, soon after, my whole
life completely changed.
Look, Dr. Pavy,
our resident medicine man.
What a pleasure. And please,
Cormac is fine by me.
Doctor,
Bradley's medical records.
Ooh! How wonderful!
I'll take a lookie-poo
through this today.
-[Dalton chuckles]
-[both] May we ascend.
[Dalton laughs]
Please, this way, Bradley.
There's so much to see.
You know, Dr. Pavy, he healed
three slipped discs of mine.
The man is a miracle worker.
Oh, I'm sure you're gonna
make a ton of friends here,
but let me show you around.
Over here we have
our hall of nourishment.
Over to the left,
we have our patient rec center.
And behind that, we have
our very own indoor pool.
But first,
let me show you our garden.
Nature restores
the ascension process,
so you'll be spending
much of your time outdoors
to shed that protective armor
you have cladded to your soul.
Come, I have more to show you.
With the wisdom you'll
absorb within our gardens,
you'll be able to live the rest
of your days in peace,
as is our hope.
You'll come to realize
your soul chose all of this
before you even came here.
-[birds chirping]
-[inhales]
How long do people
usually stay here?
[ominous instrumental]
Until they remember
it's time to leave.
Master Jagori, may we ascend.
Welcome home, Brad the broken.
It's vitamin C.
May we ascend.
May we ascend.
[clock ticking]
[Cynthia]
You work hard for your money,
you need a home that
represents your success.
This elegant home
offers that lifestyle
and like you,
is well maintained.
Who has time to clean
when you are busy
hosting dinner parties?
Don't you want
your own in-island waterfall?
So wet!
If you're like me, ladies,
you like 'em big.
Big ceilings,
big windows, gorgeous views.
This is
the paradise you deserve.
So call Cynthia Doyle today
for your private viewing.
Cynthia,
I don't know how you do it,
but this video
is gonna change real estate
across Owen Sound.
Well, yes. The internet
is our friend, Marcia.
The more that we can captivate
an audience online,
the quicker our homes will sell.
Well, I have full faith that
you have a handle on it here.
Thank you.
Kallie?
Kallie, are-- are you okay?
Yep. I just brought
a snack for everyone.
They're my famous deviled eggs.
It's a little hot in here, so...
thought we could use a snack.
What? Cynthia,
I'm-- I'm so sorry.
No, it-- it-- it's fine.
You know what?
I'm suddenly really hungry.
Uh, I think it's near lunch.
Good call.
Okay, folks, lunchtime.
Let's go get lunch, okay?
You stay there. We need to talk.
Okay, good. Because someone's
been stealing my lawn signs
and I am not very
happy about it.
Uh, excuse me.
This can't be here right now.
We have an open house
on the street.
Do you even have
a permit for this?
Oh, my-- Can you please
get off our lawn?
No. This needs
to be cleaned up now. No.
What? I'm calling the police.
Well, I'm gonna get my lawyer.
Are you filming me?
They were violating
at least three bylaws.
No parents in sight!
Mouths like a crew of pirates!
That's enough.
Kallie, the firm
cannot afford another one
of these ranting meltdowns.
They were positioned
right down the street
from my open house.
What would
potential buyers think?
"Oh, great! Here's some kids,
begging for change
-on the side of the road."
-They're kids for Christ's sake!
And as for those
other complaints,
those charges were dropped
and I had every right
to self-defense.
This could cost you
your real estate license.
I can't have it!
-I'm giving you one more chance.
-What?
You can sell
the Victorian on the hill.
Are you insane?
Now, I don't want to hear
one single complaint from you,
from neighbors or anybody.
Is that clear?
You are to sell that house
and prove to me
that you can be
a responsible realtor.
[eerie music]
[indistinct whispering]
[Marcia]
Sell the Victorian on the hill.
[indistinct whispering]
[Marcia]
Sell the Victorian on the hill.
-Kellie?
-Ah!
Hey, doll. Hi. Yeah,
I-- I hope you're doing okay.
Why? I'm fine. I'm always fine.
I hope that
you're hanging in there.
Oh yeah. No, honey.
I'm-- Yeah, I'm good.
I know-- I just-- I just know
things are tough right now.
I heard about
Bradley being at Hope Acres.
My Brad? No, he's doing great.
Okay. Well, I-- It's just
I sponsor a few patients there.
I could have swore
I saw him at my last visit.
Nope. No, he's at home.
He's doing good.
Yeah. [scoffs]
You know what? Maybe I'm wrong.
Yeah. I must have got it wrong.
You do. You have it wrong.
Oh, gosh!
I'm so-- I'm so relieved.
You know, I thought
maybe there was, you know,
something going on.
Nope. We're good. I'm good.
Brad's good
and we're stronger than ever.
Good.
So, I hope that you get through
what you're
going through as well.
Okay, Kallie. You, uh, you
take care of yourself. Okay?
We'll see you when we see ya.
[upbeat funky instrumental]
You like to work hard,
so why not put some work
into this big classic.
Relax in your
very own sitting room.
Each of these doors
weigh 35 pounds.
Solid wood.
This opportunity
won't last long,
so call Kallie Jones today
to book your
very private showing.
[sniffs]
Okay, Mr. Domazar,
thank you for breaking
your silence with us today.
[clears throat]
Yeah, of course.
-[clears throat]
-Here we go.
-Thank you.
-Hello, my loyal--
Hey there. How's it going?
[Tessa] No, this is the intro.
I'll introduce you.
-Oh!
-It's okay.
I'll just edit it out later.
No, keep it.
-What?
-I want this to be authentic.
Whatever.
Let's just start again.
[announcer]
Unsafe Sects.
Hello, loyal zealots.
Welcome to another episode
of Unsafe Sects.
As always, I'm your ringleader,
Tessa Fantastic.
We've got a big guest on today.
For the past 15 years,
he's been unmasking cults
and deprogramming fanatics.
Welcome to the show,
Dale Domazar.
Yeah. Rock on! Hey, everyone.
Our listeners are very
familiar with your backstory:
your show being canceled,
the lawsuits.
We haven't heard from you
in five years
since the Lost One's debacle.
What made you decide
to break your silence now?
Well, I've been, uh,
taking some time to myself.
I've been doing a lot
of drinkin-- Thinking.
A lot of thinking.
It's time to reenter the world.
Get back to work.
Oh, what kind of work
did you have in mind?
[Dale]
Paid appearances,
some light bounty hunting,
a little private
investigation on the side.
It says here that you got
your private investigator
license revoked when--
Yeah, I'm appealing that.
So, strictly speaking,
you're done with cults?
Look, I know it sounds crazy.
Re-launching, re-inventing,
whatever the hell
you want to call it,
my Cult Buster project.
[laughs] You really
think people will go for that?
-Seriously?
-Yeah, of course they will.
The cult world has evolved.
Cults are less of a threat now.
Even cult experts are
more subtle and nuanced.
At this point,
I think a new show
would be very ill-advised.
You've squeezed everything
you can from this character.
Don't you think
it's time to just,
you know, let it go?
[hard rock instrumental]
-Dale?
-Yeah.
[Tessa]
Okay. Next question.
It was reported
that you went off script
in the season finale,
and that was what caused
the entire Lost One's cult
to commit mass suicide,
when in fact,
they had only been planning
a single human sacrifice.
That cult was demonic!
[Tessa] Maybe. But if it
weren't for the added theatrics
of the show
and your decision making,
then perhaps, the cult
could have lived long enough
for the police to arrive.
[grunting]
[birds chirping]
[alarm clock ringing]
[spiritual music]
[instructor]
Today is a new day
and you've woken up on
the right side of the bed.
It's important
to let your guard down
with any interactions
you may face today.
You might meet someone
you haven't seen
for a while or heard from.
They might have surprising news.
Be understanding.
[dramatic instrumental]
[balloon sputtering]
[dog whining]
Fuck you!
My weekend was great.
It was really nice
to have some alone time,
uh, just to have a glass
of wine, unwind, introspect.
Okay, well, uh,
I guess we better be going.
I'd like to go before
the grocery store closes.
I found us a new vegan bone
marrow recipe we could try.
-Actually, I...
-[Kallie] What?
-I thought you called her.
-Who called me?
Brad has requested an extension
and it's been approved.
No, we didn't.
I didn't approve anything.
Technically,
your consent is not required.
Master Jagori has waived
all the fees and expenses
for Brother Bradley.
Bradley has chosen to complete
his ascension journey.
[scoffs] Okay,
well, the only journey
my husband will be continuing
is the one back to our house
where we live together, now.
Brad! Are you rebuffing me?
No. Yes. I-- I'd like to stay.
[Dalton]
Beautiful work, Brad.
Stunning.
-We're leaving.
-Please respect my boundaries.
Your boundaries? What the fuck
have they done to you?
See, I don't feel like
I'm being heard right now.
Enough of this.
Honey, I brought you here
so that we can be happy,
not so that you stay with these
fucking freaks in bathrobes.
God damn it!
I'm calling the police.
Mrs. Jones, the police
have already been notified.
[Kallie]
For what? What have I done?
You're trespassing.
-You're kidnapping!
-They're on their way now.
They practically insisted
when they heard your name.
What the fuck is wrong
with you people?
What is this?
Some kind of cult?
-This is a cult, isn't it?
-Ma'am, please ma'am.
Honey, you think--
Get your hands off him!
[Dalton]
Come on, ma'am.
[Kallie shouting]
-[car honking]
-God damn it!
-[cars honking]
-Fuck! God damn it!
[screaming]
They came at me.
They were coming right at me,
I couldn't say anything.
What was I supposed to say?
[screaming]
I did nothing wrong.
I did nothing wrong!
It was them! They came at me!
I'm a woman! They
were hitting me! They hit me!
I was on the ground!
[sighs & sniffles]
[deep breathing]
[somber instrumental]
[sobbing]
[sobbing louder]
What happened to us, Brad?
Get off me! Of course,
you're gonna record this.
[Dalton]
Ma'am, please step back.
Get your hands off me! Get
that camera-- Get out of my--
Is that what I look like?
Oh.
It wasn't that bad.
God! [sniffs]
I tried my best.
[balloons popping]
Cult Buster.
Think you know cults
Mister, uh, Dale Domazar?
We'll see about that.
Give this a shot.
[suspenseful instrumental]
Okay. See if he's home.
[Dale sighing]
[phone ringing]
[Dale] You've reached
the Cult Buster hotline.
Leave a message.
[beeping]
[Kallie] This is Scenic City
realtor, Kallie Jones.
I'd like to report a cult
here at Owen Sound,
so I need a Cult Buster,
and I guess you're my guy.
So, you're gonna be going
to Hope Acres Wellness Center
and shut them down.
[shaky voice] They have
taken my husband, Brad,
and they assaulted me and you
need to get him outta there
because he's terrified
and alone
and he couldn't
even look me in the eyes.
[panting]
So I need you to go there
and burn them
to the ground. Okay, bye.
[beeping]
[loud gun cock and gunshot]
[hard rock music playing]
[triumphant music]
[gun cocking]
[engine rumbling]
[splashing]
[sighs]
[instructor]
A change is upon you, Dear One.
With your decision to evolve,
the universe moves quickly
to shed all dense energies
so you are ready
to move freely forward.
Hello?
[instructor]
With the moon and transition,
-this is the perfect time.
-[glass shattering]
-[ominous instrumental]
-You are free to feel.
Relationships are a path to--
[glass crunching]
[Kallie]
Excuse me?
Can I help you?
That's not your piata! Brad?
[growling]
Who are you?
How'd you--
How'd you get in here?
[Kallie screaming]
[ceramic shattering]
[Kallie panting]
[Kallie screaming]
[man bellowing]
[Kallie screaming]
[Kallie screaming]
No, no, no, no, no, no.
[Dale]
Hey, creepo.
-[chainsaw buzzing]
-[man groaning]
Sorry about the mess.
Didn't know just what we'd be
dealing with here tonight.
Who the hell are you?
Dale Domazar. You called me
two nights ago. Dale? Me?
Yeah. I did.
Renowned Cult Buster
and exit counselor.
I got here soon as I could.
Renowned or disgraced?
Hey. I'm all you got, lady.
[Kallie panting and sniffing]
About that job offer, accepted.
You and me,
we're gonna investigate
suspected cult activity
rooted in this very community.
You're not very professional.
I thought you'd be taller.
Look, you may think
that I'm bottom of the barrel,
but I get shit done.
You called me as a last resort
because no one believes you
about Hope Acres, correct?
Yeah. Well, you can
bet your ass that I do.
So, I'm not crazy
and they are a cult. Okay!
I've studied fringe factions
my entire life. Ever since...
Ever since what?
Never mind. It doesn't matter.
Okay. Well,
I'm gonna call the cops.
No. No, that's
exactly what they want.
Most cult yearn
for armed confrontation.
It validates their end game.
[sighs] You move in
and surround those assholes,
lay siege?
Well, you can kiss your hubby
and everybody else embroiled
in that kooky compound goodbye.
They're minced meat.
-All right, fine.
-[Dale] Okay, then.
Pack your shit.
I'm parked down the street.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
It's not safe here.
We killed one of theirs.
They will be back.
You killed. You killed
one of theirs in my home.
I just saved your ass.
If it wasn't for me,
you'd be dead,
or worse, indoctrinated.
But stay.
Be my goddamn guest.
You need me a hell of
a lot more than I need you.
Don't tell me what I need.
I'm staying. This is insane.
Fine, by all means.
But you need to realize
that I'm not
the one to worry about.
They know where you live,
and they will not stop
until you are dead.
Do you know a safe place
that we can go?
Because you have no idea who
the fuck we're dealing with.
Yeah, I-- I know a place.
[Dale] Great. Now, do you
want to hear the good news?
Because they have no idea
who the fuck
they're dealing with either.
[electric guitar riff]
So, what's this
hide out of yours?
It's a house I'm selling.
How much?
You could never afford it.
We'll see about that
soon enough.
[engine thrumming]
[Kallie]
I just don't understand
why they would wanna attack me?
[Dale]
Two days ago,
when you tried
to steal from their flock.
[Kallie]
You mean my husband?
[Dale] Yeah. You pushed them
on their own turf.
I mean, you practically
snapped Brad out of the spell.
The whole thing would've
imploded like a house of cards.
I have to admit,
I kind of liked the moxie.
It was rude, crude,
and right on the mark.
However, you don't just
provoke a fucking death cult
like that. No.
What we need here is subtlety
and sophistication
to gain access.
A death cult.
Jesus Christ, Brad!
Stay with me here,
Kallie Jones.
Here's what we're not gonna do.
We're not gonna storm
in there guns blazing. No!
They'll hunker down
and we'll have ourselves
a 90-day standoff
on national television.
What?
What we need here is
covert concealment. Yeah.
We gotta get in there,
earn their trust,
pull back the curtain,
rescue the followers,
and detain the leader
and expose it all on
a one-hour TV special, baby.
I knew that there
was some angle with you!
And I'm willing to offer you
my platinum
deprogramming program.
Do not try to upsell me.
I'm a natural born negotiator.
You mean bullshitter?
[tires screeching]
[Dale panting]
All right, tell me
about this platinum package.
Well, you'll get
infiltration, extraction,
three months of thought
reform consultations,
and all I need is
my per diem, gas, food,
lodging, maybe a haircut.
And if we're successful,
you'll get 25% of my comeback
special royalties.
Whatever. Just get my husband
outta that freak fest
and we got a deal.
Yeah!
Whoa! This place is--
-I know. It's--
-Fucking awesome! Whew!
[Kallie] There's a couple
bedrooms upstairs,
so you can just pick one.
No, I'm on the job.
I'm gonna stay out here
and keep an eye on things.
Suit yourself.
[ominous instrumental]
[heart monitor beeps]
[man screaming]
[knock on the door]
Come in.
Master Jagori would like to
have a word with you, Bradley.
Oh, right now?
In the pool.
Uh, okay.
We do not go in there.
What was that?
Tonsillitis.
May we ascend.
We may.
[Jagori] I'd like to
check in with you, Brad.
Thank you, sir.
You've had some spectacular
success in the mere days
that you've been with us.
[indistinct]
More than
many achieve in years.
I knew you were significant
early on when you arrived.
The greats come from
the lowest of the lows.
Yeah. Uh, well, it's--
it's nice to relax for once.
I-- I do feel accepted here.
I feel like I can breathe a bit.
Well, we would like
to formally invite you
to level up at the quantum
edification ceremony tomorrow.
Wow! [chuckles]
I don't know what to say.
You know, few have
receive such an invitation
and even fewer
have anything to say about it.
Well, thank you.
It-- it-- it's everything
that I was hoping for.
Good. Good.
It's just, um,
my wife, can she come?
Oh, Brad! [exhales]
You need to focus
on your own path.
When we lean on partners,
we cease to make
our own choices.
Sometimes in relationships
you get to the point--
Well, it's not a point. Maybe
it's just a limit exceeded.
Soon, us becomes them.
You see what I'm saying to you?
I'm not quite sure I follow.
Your wife is
a bloodsucking vampire.
Kallie? No, no.
Kallie means well.
-[Jagori] No, no, no!
-She loves me.
No, she treats you
like a child, Brad.
Step into your power!
Ugh!
We have to control ourselves.
We make the choices.
Okay. I'll be there.
Good.
The guides have
great plans for you.
[panting]
All right.
Camera and sound, aces.
Calibration, primo.
Framing is fucking epic.
Let's do this.
All right. Cult Buster,
season two, scene four.
And this episode of Cult Buster
is brought to you
by Scenic City realtor,
Kallie Jones.
All right, folks. We're
going down the rabbit hole.
Going into this
here haunted house
and we're gonna
surveil the premises
for any cult activity
or fucking booby traps.
Kallie?
Scenic City realtor,
Kallie Jones?
Yeah, I'm in here.
I just need another minute.
[instructor]
With new energy on the horizon,
you are reminded to
stay grounded in your routine.
It can be easy--
[Dale] Cult Buster season two,
scene five, take one.
What the hell
is going on in here?
Kallie Jones, we have
a big day today. Sit down.
Where? There's shit
all over my bed!
Anywhere.
It doesn't matter. Please.
Are those guns?
All right. I've created an
excellent pre-production video
to get us started.
Watch this. Action.
[hard rock music playing]
Do you need a safe space oasis?
Look no further
than Hope Acres,
a run-of-the-mill
wellness center
located in
the sleepy hamlet of Owen Sound.
[ominous instrumental]
But pull back the curtains
and you'll find
an ungodly personality cult
centered around its
charming guru, Master Jagori.
Real name Ira Keating,
61, white, lazy.
Little is known of the man,
but he is just a man,
let's remember that.
He studied Shamanism,
mycology, cursed warfare.
He traveled
Central America, Amazonia,
and later,
the Himalayan foothills.
Then, he writes
an autobiographical novella
called The Grand Affliction.
Two star average review.
But from its main tenets,
he forms the basis
of his master shell game:
The Ascension.
The compound is purchased
in a private sale
on the outskirts
of an unsuspecting town,
ripe with disenchantment.
Then, Jagori elevates
his personal assistant
and two fan boys
in his manifesto
to form their
sub-leadership framework.
These three Igors are entrusted
to implement
a rigid hierarchy of command.
The patients are gently
brainwashed into accepting
an increasingly
authoritarian internal culture.
The Ascension program
steals the language used
in new age mysticism
to achieve the exact opposite
of the free spirit ethos.
And evidently,
some of these patients graduate
into axe-wielding zealots
like our friend from last night.
They're masquerading
as a wellness center
with the aim
of enticing despondent men.
Hey, Kallie Jones?
Do you not understand
the severity of this situation?
Yes, I understand
the severity of the situation
and you can bet your ass
we can do your little game plan
as soon as I've done my showing.
-What?
-[Kallie] I have a house showing
today, here.
I haven't had a buyer in months
and if I don't
sell something soon,
Brad won't even have
a house to come back to anyway.
Everyone deals
with stress differently
and focusing on this deal
is the only thing keeping me
from shaving my head.
[Dale] Here.
I've made
a couple of risky forays.
around the perimeter
of the compound last weekend.
I managed to set up
three spy cameras
on the outside
of the main building
in the event that we can
get some concrete video evidence
to use for my comeback special.
What the-- That's Cynthia Doyle.
She mentioned she's
sponsoring a couple patients
at Home Acres.
Sponsoring or recruiting?
Town records have
her first land deal
as an estate sale
of the old Moreland Place
to one Ira Keating.
And she just won
Realtor of the Year,
ending my winning streak.
That's it!
I have to sell this house today.
Kallie, how well
do you know this buyer?
We spoke on the phone.
Those clever bastards!
What are you insinuating?
We may have a bidding war.
And so, in conclusion,
we are the intended.
We are the brides of creation,
and the day before you
arrived here at Hope Acres,
you were perfect.
Okay. Well, why don't
we sing the Ascension song.
I will ascend
with Master Jagori
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up,
ascending to glory
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I got my wings
from Master Jagori
I'm never
gonna know your name
I'm never gonna know you
This is the last time
Ascension is the way
His name is my name
My name is your name
My name is just the same
He will take me
Master Jagori,
he will take me where I go
The ascension is the way
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
[ominous instrumental]
We need to find a hiding spot.
How much time do we got?
[Kallie]
Any minute now.
[Dale sighs]
[Dale sniffles]
What is this?
[Kallie]
They're my famous devilled eggs.
Oh, jackpot.
Not here. Let me just
stick it in here. Perfect.
[indistinct].
This is a setup!
[doorbell rings]
I need the floor. You gotta
go hide. Calm the hell down!
[panting]
Welcome, welcome. Kallie Jones,
Scenic City Realty.
[distorted]
Mum, you can call me Mr. Mort.
Well, come on in, Mr. Mort.
Now the house was
built in 1870 by...
[muffled speech]
The house was
used as a flophouse,
a gambling den
and a murder mystery theater.
Very good locks. Champagne?
Okay. Now, it's
a little musty in here.
The house has not been updated
and holds a lot
of its original charm,
but I like to think
of it as a blank canvas.
What will you paint?
[distorted]
Did someone die in here?
[Kallie] I believe
they were sick for many years,
but they did get them
on the front lawn
before they passed.
Uh, anyways,
beautiful dining room up here.
Family man, Mr. Mort?
Lots of memories to be
made in this dining room.
-[organ playing]
-I'll tell you that much.
You can carve a turkey.
You look like you've carved
a couple turkeys in your day.
Oh, a songbird. Yes.
The organ does
come with the house
and I've been known to tickle
an ivory or two in my day.
Now, I will tell you
that we have had a few offers.
I will be upfront about that.
Have you fixed up
many homes, Mr. Mort?
It does need a little TLC,
but location's everything,
right? [chuckles]
It doesn't get safer
than Owen Sound.
Did you see the lemonade stand
down the street?
It happens every weekend.
I haven't been able
-to keep a quarter on me since.
-[chime clanking]
[distorted] Kallie,
is there someone else here?
No. It's just
you and me, Mr. Mort.
I'd love to take you upstairs.
Four bedroom, three bath.
Are you much
of a soaker, Mr. Mort?
I've been
getting into meditation
and I find the bathtub
is my sanctuary.
A couple bath bombs,
a little bit of salt
and a little music.
[chuckles] You know what?
It's crazy what you can--
Oh, Mr. Mort?
Oh yeah, the kitchen.
Okay. Mr. Mort,
is everything okay?
[distorted]
Is there a basement?
Yeah, it's right here.
[distorted]
Can you show me it?
Ah, yes.
That would be my pleasure.
Now, it's a little musty
down here as well. Kind of dark.
A little cold
and dark down here,
but I thought it'd be nice
for a wine cellar.
[tense music]
And I'm hoping to
get your email address
because we do have a survey
for Realtor of the Year Award
and that would
really help things.
[gunshot]
[indistinct lyrics]
[Kallie]
Great secrets of a home,
but I'm real with my buyers.
I'm an open book.
Oh! Oh my gosh.
You're quite
the home inspector, Mr. Mort.
Luckily, we are on a backup
generator, which is nice.
[distorted]
A message from Master Jagori.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
[distorted]
Join us as a recruiter
and witness Brad's ascension
this very evening.
Brad? How do you know Brad?
[evil laughter]
[metal clanking]
[groans]
I'm sorry. You were
right about Hope Acres.
[Kallie screams]
No, no, no, no, no!
[glass shattering]
[Kallie screams]
[Dale grunting]
[Kallie screaming]
[growling]
[Dale]
Love these French doors.
[Kallie screams]
[Mr. Mort groans]
Mr. Mort is le mort.
All right, Kallie,
rolling. Okay.
Season two, scene 17--
16-- 17. Okay.
Mortified. Yeah.
Let's do that again.
Move closer. Yep.
Scene 17. Mortified.
[static]
So, what the hell do
you get outta this anyways?
Let's just say I've been trying
to deprogram people
for a long time.
But why?
[sigh] My sister.
I lost her.
Oh, geez.
I'm sorry. What happened?
[Dale sighs]
25 years ago,
my sister and I ran away
from a foster home,
signed up for
a traveling carnival.
They were gonna save our asses.
[sighs]
We moved into one of their RVs
and started traveling
town to town,
learning the secret
carnie language.
We were drinking it all in.
True believers.
"The Domazar kids."
There was this head honcho guy,
called himself the Viceroy.
He was always babbling on
about the end of days.
He set us up
in the ticket booth.
He kept all the money,
but somehow,
in this fucked up society,
it all made perfect sense to us.
Then, one day, the jig was up,
a gravitron operator escaped
and he exposed
the whole racket to the media.
It was a true shit show,
literally.
Apparently, the Viceroy
had set up cameras in the RVs
and was recording
everybody on the toilet,
and sending out videos
and blackmailing
all of our relatives.
[sighs]
But we refused to believe it.
I mean, this was the Viceroy
we were talking about.
[sighs] And the coppers,
they surrounded us at
the Phelpston County fair.
[distant sirens wailing]
Two-week besiegement began,
then the assault from the feds.
Only a few of us
made it out of there alive.
[distant gunshots]
That's the last time
I saw my sister.
-[faded gunshots]
-Shit!
Yeah. Shit.
[music fading off]
I mean, last I heard
she was doing all right.
Got a promotion
to games manager.
What? Your sister isn't dead?
Uh, no!
It's scary how far someone
can get inside your head.
All it takes is figuring out
everyone's mental lock
combination, like a horoscope.
And I guess your Brad
was one easy crack.
-What did you say?
-Crack.
No! Horoscope.
[instructor]
Today will be a day of endings.
You've been running
for too long,
but your problems
will always catch up.
This is how I found out
about Hope Acres.
It was a random ad I had
to listen to to get my reading.
[Dale]
Let me see that.
[Kallie] They've been
writing my daily horoscopes.
I knew they were
way too accurate.
Oh, Kallie! They've been
tracking you this whole time.
Hey!
[gunshots]
[man grunts]
[man gurgling]
A missing nose. A missing ear.
And Mr. Mort
didn't have any eyes.
I'm developing a theory.
What if they're harvesting
body parts from the patients?
Like some kind of fucked up
Frankenstein experiment?
Oh, no! Brad!
And Jagori's book
mentioned all of this.
The quest for eternal youth
through ridding the body
of defective parts
for some kind of offering.
Maybe those zealots
had issues with sight,
sound and scent.
Kallie, think. Think hard!
Is there any weak part
in Brad's anatomy?
Our health team
said that he's unprolific.
Well, what does that mean?
He's sterile!
Sweet mother of Christ!
[Jagori]
Guess who's here.
[man] Master.
[Jagori]
Dalton and Luther,
is that where you think
that's supposed to go?
You're wrong.
We discussed a different spot.
Please use your imaginations.
Pavy, what do
you call those things?
God's teeth, sir.
God's teeth? God, Pavy.
You take my breath away.
All right, everyone. Assemble.
All right.
Good evening, everybody.
Now, we're gonna run
through a little rehearsal.
It starts out with, uh,
the people at the back, right?
With Dalton and Luther
lined up there.
Pavy, you'll be at the,
uh, altar with the offering.
And, uh, then I'm gonna walk in,
uh, since he's gonna
lead the way, uh,
and I'll land
right here like this.
Uh, Martin, uh,
he's going to thank me,
uh, for being here
and I will thank him
for the introduction.
And, uh, Martin, is that--
is that where you want to be,
right there? Is it?
Because you look like--
You just look like you
wandered up here and stopped.
There. Think about it.
Thank you. Thank you, Martin.
Okay, so I just--
Then, I'm gonna
have to make a reference
to Brad's, uh, manhood.
I'm gonna have
the male organ of Brad.
What am I gonna call it, Martin?
I just, I don't
want this to be funny.
The organ of continuation.
Organ of continuation.
That's fantastic.
Did you write that?
That's fantastic. Okay.
Then, everybody's
going to be there.
They'll be toasting
and the, uh, the doses
of the elixir will be consumed
by the intended, yes?
Uh, and then,
I guess at some point,
I'm going to eat
the organ of contemplation.
-Continuation. Sorry.
-Organ of whatever.
And then, um, I will depart
for the after realms.
How does that work?
[Jagori]
How does what work?
Sorry. Your departure?
Well, I depart. I-- I leave,
uh, this earthly plane.
-I ascend.
-Just like that?
No, not just like that.
[Jagori] It's not a goddamn
escalator at the fucking mall.
It's an ascension. Jesus Christ!
Okay, so, uh, then, uh,
Cynthia will take over
my teachings for whatever
and then flee, right?
And I will, uh,
meet my disciples in the ether
and so we'll wrap it up there,
I think. Uh, that's it.
So, if you've got
any other questions,
I'll be in the pool.
Well, this is exciting.
[gunshot]
[Dale]
Not bad.
-[gunshot]
-Not bad at all.
[gunshot]
I want you to have this
in case I don't come back.
[gun cocking]
And these. They've set
their sights on you, Kallie.
You can never be too careful.
Now, you lay low out here
while I work my magic
from the inside.
-How?
-I thought you'd never ask.
Check this shit out.
[beeping]
[ominous instrumental]
Cult Buster,
season two, scene 29, take one.
Dale Domazar here
with my foolproof plan
to gain access to Hope Acres.
Step one, easily fool
the assessment interviewer
to gain access.
Step two, embed myself amongst
the worker bee zealots.
Step three,
infiltrate the leadership
and figure out whatever the fuck
they're plotting.
Step four...
kick their fucking asses.
Step five,
rescue Brad and the boys.
Yeah!
Now remember, I've got
these guys all on camera
and they're not gonna know
what the fuck hit them.
Now, wish me luck.
Good luck, Dale.
Call me Cult Buster.
No.
Do you wanna get
that, uh, camera for me?
[ominous instrumental]
Yeah. It's gonna be a no for us.
[phone ringing]
Yes.
Yes.
Understood.
[whispering]
Master Jagori wants him to stay.
[Martin]
All right [indistinct].
Well, it seems
you've been accepted after all.
Um, Dalton will take you
to your quarters, Mr. Hobney.
You've been requested
to dine privately
with Master Jagori this evening.
Oh, really! Spectacular.
I would truly be honored.
Dale Domazar,
the professional Cult Buster,
here reporting from the
belly of the beast as one
Mr. Hobney.
At risk, middle-aged male,
just taking it all in.
And by that,
I mean, hook, line,
and stinker.
The Hobney avatar has proven
successful 100% of the time,
and I believe
I've even jumped the cue.
But I'm not gonna lie,
going undercover
in an environment such as this
is as dangerous as it gets.
These people are highly trained
at penetrating
the new recruit until he bleeds.
I must be only Hobney now.
Become Hobney.
Hobney. Domazar. I am Hobney.
Domazar! Oh!
-[knock on door]
-Shit.
Shit!
Uh! Cynthia Doyle!
You know my name! I'm flattered.
Well, everyone knows
who you are.
In fact, I was sitting
on your face just yesterday.
-I beg your pardon?
-Park bench.
You are truly gifted
at self-promotion.
Oh, well thank you,
Mr. Hobby. [chuckles]
-Um, it's Hobney. Hobney.
-Hm.
[Luther] You've arrived
at the final rundle
on the ladder
of quantum edification.
Tonight, climb shall give way
to flight.
There are two elixirs
to experience.
The first is the pinnacle
of your wellness journey.
The ayahuasca sacrament.
Drink and shed your dead skin.
[slurping]
[Cynthia] Well, you have the
opposite problem, don't you?
Uh, how do you figure?
Come on! If I can be frank,
Mr... Hobney, [chuckles]
the men that find themselves
here are all a--
a specific type, let's say.
Oh, and what type is that?
Beta.
What's the second drink?
[Luther] Bradley, it's the final
tool of your ascension.
It will deliver us, all of us,
to Jagori in the after realm.
[Pavy]
May we ascend.
[Cynthia]
Hopelessly beta.
-May we ascend.
-[Cynthia] Submissive.
May we ascend.
[Cynthia] Simps.
Cucks.
Is that what you are,
Mr. Hobney?
You don't know the first thing
about me, Ms. Doyle.
So, you're not such a beta?
Well, what do you think?
I think that maybe
you don't belong here.
And I could say the same
thing about you, Ms. Doyle.
Oh, you can say
whatever you like, Mr. Gibney.
Hob-- Hobney.
Mr. Hob-Hobney. I'm just here
to give you the tour
and I'm gonna
show you everything.
All of it. All.
Uh...
I think I've seen
just about enough Ms. Doyle.
Are you opting out of my tour?
Yeah. I'm more of
a main event kind of guy.
Hm. As you wish.
[hard rock instrumental]
Ever have I longed
for the secret serenity
that I first foresaw
when I dreamt of the ascension.
The ancient Greeks had
a term for it:
ataraxia.
A complete absence
of stress and anxiety.
-May we ascend.
-[all] May we ascend.
Cheers, Martin.
You may be excused.
We'll see you tonight
at the edification ceremony.
-I have a--
-Uh-- You know, sorry.
May I ask you something?
When you killed
all of those poor people
on your silly show and then
bootlegged your own videos
to bankroll the legal fees,
did you ever think, you know,
"Maybe I am the one who belongs
in a place like Hope Acres?"
You know, "Maybe-- maybe
I am the one who needs help?
Maybe, just maybe,
Mr. Hobney is a more decent,
more genuine man
than that jarhead jack-off
you call Dale Domazar.
[huffs]
That's a burn. [chuckles]
Well, have I got
a surprise for you guys.
I'm not Mr. Hobney
and this cult is busted. Yeah!
Shh.
Now, I'm gonna tell you
what's gonna happen next.
I feel I owe you a story,
Dale Domazar.
Uh, I wasn't finished.
[Jagori] A story
that might shed some light.
When I was a young man,
consumed with a terrible fever
to travel the world
in search of answers,
ancient answers,
for our modern predicament.
I found myself
high in the Andes, Peru.
When I say high,
I was tripping, man,
on this potent ayahuasca.
And so, there I found myself
in the sacred valley,
in the long shadow
of the ancient citadel
of Machu Pikachu.
-It's, uh, Picchu.
-What?
[chuckles]
It's, uh, it's, Machu Picchu.
Funny. I didn't see
you there, Mrs. Doyle.
Anyway, anyway, where was I?
Oh, yes. I met this shaman
who ferried me across
to the ancient island that
was lost in the mists of time.
You see, thousands of years ago,
the village was beset with
a terrible plague of leprosy,
and they banished those lepers
onto this island,
this nameless island.
Never given a name.
Not to this very day,
as far as I know.
And in the summer solstice,
the very same shaman
would return to the island
and surgically remove
the offending features
from the, uh,
wretched unfortunates.
And he would ferry it back
in a sack, a meat sack,
and he'd return to the village
and give it to a medicine woman
who was under the influence
of the very same
terrible hallucinogen
that I was then
reeling under myself.
And she prepared a meal
and served it up to the shaman
and it was a ritualistic
removal of sin from the village.
And for this, for this,
he was rewarded
with an ascension
into the after realms
and from there,
he had a great influence
on the events of this world.
And then the lepers,
well, they were--
they were welcomed back
and treated like royalty.
Oh, wow! So, they were
able to cure leprosy?
No, no, no.
Leprosy is a terrible disease
and it followed
its own course and--
and they had to go back to
the island and then back again.
And the cycle repeated itself
until really the island
was just populated
with human worms.
Anyway, uh,
the point of the story
is that shaman ascended.
-He did?
-Oh, he did so.
Wow!
Mind blown!
[blows raspberry]
Oh.
Oh, funny you
should say that. [laughs]
What? What's so funny?
Oh, well, I think what
the master is trying to say
is that your brain damage
is also on the menu tonight.
I resent that!
It's funny, but, uh,
he eluded your honey trap
earlier tonight, Mrs. Doyle.
I believe that was a problem
with a different part
of his anatomy.
Well, we have one
of those ready to go as well.
[sarcastic laughter]
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, while you simpletons
we're busy playing
your game of checkers,
I was all about
the royal game of chess.
[overlapping whispering]
[Jagori]
King me!
Prepare another alter
and tell the doctor to brush up
on his lobotomy skills.
I think we have another
offering for the festivities.
I can't feel my eyes.
Why can't I feel my eyes?
And that would be the,
uh, strong deliriant that you--
that you put in his drink.
That was my idea.
Nice one.
[evil laughter]
If I may, Master, I have
uncovered a hidden spy camera
on one of our trees
in the courtyard.
Wow! Leave it. Let the world
see our masterpiece.
[chuckles] You've done
terrific work, Dalton.
Thank you, Master.
May we ascend.
Now...
who do you think turned
this Cult Buster onto us?
I can think of somebody.
[suspenseful instrumental]
What the? That's who's been
stealing my signs?
[coughing and gagging]
[fly buzzing]
Oh, my God. Brad.
[panting]
[deep laughter]
[gun cocking]
Brad.
[indistinct chanting]
[indistinct whispering]
[evil laughter]
[Jagori]
Prepare the altar.
[foreboding
ritualistic instrumental]
[chanting]
[ghostly voice]
Give him your heart.
[incoherent chatter]
[evil laughter]
I can feel you!
[chanting]
Drink!
[laughter]
So, do you have
anything left to say?
[sighs] Uh, uh-uh.
[Kallie]
I do!
[blood gushing]
[Kallie groans]
I'd like to speak
with your manager!
[gunshot]
Everybody on your hands now!
You are trespassing.
[gunshot]
Bradley,
I'm here for you, honey.
I sent an email, but I can
see you guys are a little busy.
Don't move.
No, no, no, no, no.
[gunshot]
[metal clanking]
Brad, honey? Brad, honey?
Are you okay? I'm here.
Hi. Hi, Cynthia.
Scenic City Realtor,
Kallie Jones.
They doped me
and stole my hair. Nice tattoo.
I've lived a life.
No, no. Don't listen to her.
You're here to ascend.
May we ascend.
Drink, you idiots.
No! We can
still ascend together.
We can see Master Jagori
in the after realms together.
Drink it! Please!
Step away from the patients.
[blood gushing]
Don't drink that.
Put that shit down.
Hold up. Hold up, okay?
Look at your leader now.
He doesn't love you. I do.
I love you. I love you guys.
Okay, we're gonna go. Can
you walk? Can you walk, honey?
Come on! Come on!
Stay back, Cynthia!
I'm here for you.
Put the drinks--
Yeah, put them down.
That's what we like.
Yeah, dump that shit.
Come on, honey.
Come on! It's time to go.
Wake up! Wake up!
-[Kallie shrieks]
-This is a private ceremony.
What's your damage, lady?
[gunshot]
[panting]
Come on, honey. Come on.
[Kallie screaming]
[Kallie gasping]
Cynthia Doyle.
[thud]
[breathing heavily & coughing]
[ominous instrumental]
What the fuck is wrong with
you motherfuckers? Seriously!
Jesus Christ,
you wanna party, huh?
Dale Domazar, you manky
fucking mall cop, huh?
What about you, Kallie Jones?
You alcoholic [indistinct]
demented motherfucking
soccer mom!
Brad, you birthday boy.
Come blow out
your fucking candle!
[Jagori screaming]
Come on! I love everybody.
I love you
and I fucking love you! Come on!
Let's do it! Yeah!
This is my party.
My fucking party!
[gunshot]
[triumphant instrumental]
Come on down, bud. Come on.
Got ya.
And Cult Buster season two
is wrapped! Yeah!
Yeah!
[fire flickering]
[hopeful instrumental]
[Kallie] Like I said before,
life isn't always
an inspirational
hand-stitched embroidery quote.
It's messy and unpredictable.
It's okay to not be in control.
It only took me
saving my husband
from a cannibalistic
death cult to realize that.
But hey, I'm only human
and I'm okay with that.
I've learned to let go
and let be what is.
We all wanna become
a part of something bigger
to feel important,
to feel needed,
but the most important thing
you'll ever be a part of
is right in front of you.
[metal unsheathing]
[hard rock instrumental]
[ominous music]
I will ascend
with Master Jagori
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up,
ascending to glory
This is the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I got my wings
from Master Jagori
I'm never
gonna know your name
I'm never gonna know you
Oh, his name is my name
My name is your name
My name is just the same
He will take me
Master Jagori,
he will take me where I go
The ascension is
The way
I'm going up, up, up
I'm never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
I'm going up, up, up
Never gonna go down
Yeah
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I got my wings
from Master Jagori
I'm going up,
wind's going to take me
This may be the last time
you'll ever see me
I'm going up
Oh, what is it?
What have you done?
-[Martin] I'm going up.
-What have you done?
-I'm sorry, Master Jagori.
-That's not right.
-I'm sorry.
-Just start again.