Dance Flick (2009) Movie Script
Yeah, come on!
Get off me!
Get back!
- In your face.
- He's trying...
You know you like it! Right here!
Whatever.
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Your turn, go.
- Do it!
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Look at him!
- Drill! Drill! Drill!
- Where'd he go?
- Yo!
Wait, wait! Wait!
Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop that!
Stop that!
Stop that! Hey, hey, this is my house!
This is my house!
We not gonna have that here.
Now, we got a tie.
- What?
- What?
That's right.
The baddest two crews are left.
And I'm talking bad. Super bad.
I'm talking Wesley Snipes don't pay his
taxes bad.
We talking T.I.
Buying machine guns bad.
We talking everything on the CW bad.
- Yeah.
- Now, the only way to settle this...
...is a rematch.
That's right, that's right.
So, what y'all gonna do?
- Let's do it.
- No, wait.
Y'all go on over there and talk about it.
Go talk about it, talk about it.
Sugar Bear is gonna kill us
if we lose his money.
Come on, Thomas, we can take these
fools, man.
All we need is for D
to do his signature move.
- No, I'm not sure that's a good idea.
- He can't, it's too dangerous.
Yo, I don't care about that, man.
D's gonna do it.
But he could break his neck
and be crippled forever.
D don't care about that, man. All right,
he gonna take one for the team.
But like a hundred million Americans,
D doesn't have insurance.
- Yeah, he's right, I don't.
- Yo, man...
...he's doing the move and that's final.
I want this.
Exactly. You want this.
Look, man, there ain't no "I" in "team. "
- There ain't?
- No.
- What about "group"?
- Not in "group" either.
- Crew?
- No.
- Troupe? Gang?
- No.
- Einsemble?
- You just mispronounced that word...
...to make it sound
like it had an "I" in it.
Yo, forget about all that, man.
Let's do it.
- But, guys!
- Stay out of your business, D!
- Come on, man!
- So, what y'all gonna do?
Double or nothing, $5,000.
All right, well, put the money in the hat.
Oh, well, cat's out the bag.
You heard the man, $3,000.
Did I say three? I meant $5,000!
Now, what you gonna do?
- We in.
- Oh, yeah, we got us a battle now.
Show them some love!
That's right, these young men are gonna
be battling it out for $7,000 in cash!
$10,000. And one of my loud-ass suits
from my loud-ass suit collection...
...comes in a variety of ghetto colors,
Flavor Flava eyes yellow...
Kool-Aid red, ashy gray...
...and for weddings and funerals,
Djimon Hounsou black.
Y'all ready to do this?
Well, let's get it on.
Yo, this dude is whack.
Why is everybody going crazy over him?
He's the director and your cousin.
Anything he do is fine.
Yeah! This is my movie.
It's all you, D.
Look at this dude.
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight!
That money is ours!
- All right!
- All right!
Yo. Give me the oil, give me the oil.
- What's up, man?
- What's up?
Oh, no!
Looks like we got us a winner!
The 409 Crew it is!
Yeah!
Excuse me. Is this seat taken?
- Oh, no, not at all.
- Good.
Come on, kids, it's empty!
There we go.
- You want some chicken?
- No, thank you.
I love the ballet.
Never had the body for it, though.
That's why I chose football.
That's me when I was nine.
You dance?
I used to.
When I lived in the suburbs.
Megan, honey, you hungry?
Hey, Megan, will you help me
with my home...
Special delivery for Megan...
- Megan, honey, we're really busy.
- But, Mom, you promised.
I know, sweetie, but it's about to start
raining, and I need to fix the brakes...
...and I have to drop off
the life insurance check.
- This is the biggest day of my life.
- All right, sweetie.
You're the best, Mom.
Don't you worry. I won't let you down.
I'll make it to that audition if it is
the last thing I do.
You're gonna die, bitch.
Oh, no! Oh, my God! Help me! Please!
Over there, over there, hurry!
- Oh, thank God!
- Free gas!
- Yeah, baby! Premium!
- Wait, people!
Where's everyone going?
We've hit the jackpot!
Get me some gas.
- We need something to put it in!
- Help me! My seatbelt is jammed!
Oh, please, help me!
In here, somebody give me a hand!
I was on the way
to my daughter's audition.
Okay, miss, I need you to lift up and
swing your body towards me, okay?
- Okay. Please, hurry! I can't get it.
- I can see it. Almost!
Got it! I got it!
What the hell!
Miss White, is there anything you would
like to share before you begin?
Well, I think my thighs look really fat
in this outfit.
Valtrex does not work.
I have no gag reflex.
I meant about your routine.
Well, nothing other than it's something
that my grandfather helped me with.
This should be good.
Oh, my God. I'm okay.
Thanks, you guys.
It's just a few cuts and bruises.
Don't worry about me.
I'm just gonna get a lift.
Don't worry, baby.
I'll get there even if it kills me.
Not even Brandy can stop me.
Oh, shit, not again.
Yeah! I'm Rick James, bitch!
Yeah, okay.
Yes, I'll find a way to tell her gently.
Your mother died,
and, no, you didn't get in.
- What?
- Next!
You mean,
my audition wasn't good enough?
I ain't asked you all that.
Come on, kids, let's move away from
this long-winded ho.
Come on, babies. Goodness.
Well, if it isn't my two dancing
delivery boys.
- Where's the other Musketeer?
- He died in a tragic dance accident.
I'm talking about my chocolate bar,
bitch!
- Don't get cute.
- I got it right here, Sugar Bear.
It's all good.
Now, I told y'all two,
when I gave you that loan...
...that I'm gonna need my piece of the pie.
I got it right here.
Pumpkin pie.
I ain't gonna sugarcoat this.
Yeah, I is.
I heard about you two fools getting
served at that dance battle.
But I like you two, so I'm gonna give
you a chance to make things right.
I'm gonna give you till the end of next
week to bring me my chips.
But if I don't get them by then,
we all gonna be crying over spilt milk.
Spilt milk and crumbled cookies.
Now get out!
Somebody get me a fork.
Who back there?
The Suburban Express has arrived
in the ghetto on track two.
Dad?
- Megan.
- Hi.
Hi. So, you got a lot of baggage?
Well, you left me when I was 10,
Mom is dead.
I haven't had a decent date in a year
because of my low self-esteem...
Honey. I'm talking about your luggage.
Yeah, well, it's over there.
Keep the platform clear of all luggage,
guns and knives.
Okay. Now, look, I'll grab this.
You grab the rest. I'm double parked.
Home, sweet home.
I don't wanna talk to you!
Come on, honey,
I'll give you the grand tour.
I'll kill you, bitch!
Isn't it beautiful? Isn't it great?
Now, listen, sweetheart, I know this
may not be what you're used to...
...but I got a perfect spot picked out
for you. What do you think?
Yeah, I know. It's a little out in the open.
But I got a little work to do on it.
It's gonna be great,
I promise you, honey.
When I'm done, it's gonna be perfect.
This just won't do.
Hey.
Well, all right, everybody.
Let's get this place cleaned up.
Mr. Crackhead.
Have fun.
Grab a brush, grab a broom.
Grab a mop and bucket.
Come on, everybody
and we'll scrub, scrub, scrub it.
Clean up your own shit, hey.
Kiss my furry a-hole.
- This bitch can't sing. I'm out of here.
- Word.
I shot him, it was at a quarter to 1:00
Nobody was there so I didn't run.
It was 2007, October 1
Under my bed is where I hid the gun.
Man, you killed it.
You're under arrest for murder.
What you talking about, man?
I didn't... I didn't even do nothing.
Got your confession on tape.
I shot him, it was at a quarter to 1:00
- Man, that wasn't even me, man.
- He hid the gun under the bed.
A- Con, what up, dawg?
- What up, man?
- Chilling.
So, what's up, man?
You going back to school?
Are you serious, man?
All these losers running around here
with hopes and dreams.
Teachers want you to better yourself.
Nah, man. Give me prison any day, fam.
Yeah, totally don't agree with you.
So what are you gonna do?
Come on, man. The judge says
it's either school orjuvie.
I'm only one crime away from
going back, B. I'm excited, man!
Kickball, arts and crafts, showers.
Yo, I'm about to go to the bank, man.
- Cool. You're gonna make a deposit?
- Nah. Withdrawal.
Tell your mom I'll be by later
for some pie.
Okay.
Ray? I ain't gonna beat around the bush
with you.
You blind, son.
Ain't no easy way to say
you're a blind little bastard.
I know, Mamma.
Ain't nobody gonna have pity on you
'cause you blind.
Now, wipe them tears.
These ain't tears, Mamma.
These is eye boogers.
Then blow your eyes!
Now, I done showed you
how to do things once.
But now you're on your own.
But you remember, you blind, not stupid.
Okay, Mamma.
Just get out the car, you stupid, blind
son-of-a-bitch!
- Ray?
- Yes, Mamma?
You know how many steps it takes
to get to the school, right?
Yes, Mamma. I also remember
how many licks it takes...
...to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
- Just take your stupid, blind ass on.
- Yes, Mamma.
One, two, three!
Now, contrary to rumor, my door is
always open, from 5:00 to 5:05 p. m.
At which point
I usually take my three-hour lunch.
So, if you miss me, you can catch me
every other Tuesday...
...of every other leap year,
from 4:45 a. m. To 4:47 a. m.
So just know I'm here to give you kids
some guidance.
Bobby! What are you doing writing
on that wall with a marker?
Use this spray paint. Don't you want
people to be able to see your work?
- Oh, yeah, let me try that.
- Damn fool.
Come on, blondie, pick up the pace.
I'm getting my wig rotated at 11:00.
Johnny! Take that condom off!
You know you can't feel anything
with it on!
- You right.
- These damn kids today...
...don't even know how to get low.
Okay, here we are. Here's your locker
and here's your combination.
Now, do you have
any questions or concerns?
Well, I do have a few concerns.
It's kind of a pressing matter...
...but I know you don't have much time.
She's good.
Jimmy Hopper, please come
to the principal's office. Jimmy Hopper.
Girl, don't be leaving your bag on the
floor. It's like giving it to charity.
- Hi, I'm Charity.
- I'm Megan.
- Are you a dancer?
- I used to be.
Yeah, me, too. Until I had my baby.
Get busy! Go, Charity! Get busy!
Go, Charity! Get busy! Go, Charity!
Get busy! Go, Charity! Get busy!
Go, Charity! Go! Go! Go!
Oh, my God!
You bring your baby to school with you?
Hell, yeah! I am a good mother, okay?
You can't just be leaving your baby
with anybody.
These nannies be beating
on your children like LAPD.
I keep him with me because that way
I know that he is safe and sound.
You know what I'm talking about?
You can't just be leaving your kid
with anybody.
These people out here be crazy,
neglecting their children. Okay.
All right, boo boo, you remember
to breathe through the vents...
...and Mommy loves you, punkin!
- Hey, Jack.
- Hey, Tracy.
I was wondering if you have a dance
partner for the senior showcase...
'cause I was thinking
we could be partners.
There's this really romantic scene
in Romeo and Juliet.
That's great.
I've always wanted to play that part.
You'll be a great Romeo.
I'm not talking about Romeo.
You're so funny.
"Delighted that he was fat
Delighted that he was old...
"No doubt in the world about that
Delighted that he had gold"
How now, brown cow.
Scene. An actor prepares.
Acting, people...
...is action and reaction.
- Oh, shit!
- Yes, son, yes! Yes, that is truth!
- You don't know me.
- I see murder in your eyes.
Yes, that's good, son.
You need an agent. You are excellent.
Now, what will you do to act?
What are you willing to sacrifice...
...for your art, son? Yes?
Are you willing to die for it?
Are you willing to cry for it?
Are you willing
to lose your manhood for it?
No? You, get out of my class,
get out of my class!
You call yourself an actor? Get out!
Damn it, I gave up my manhood...
...twice.
Yes, it hurt. I bled.
But I got five weeks' work
on a non-union student film.
Now, class, there are 50,000 people
who have the audacity...
...to call themselves actors.
- Yeah, like Jessica Simpson.
- Yes, like Jessica Simpson.
Did any of you guys see
Employee of the Month?
Refund, please!
That Dane Cook makes me do this.
Well, I kind of like that movie.
I thought she did a really good job.
I saw it four times.
Yeah, I guess I'd rather see her act than...
...ruin the Cowboys' chances
of ever winning the Super Bowl.
It seems as though we have a debate
going on here.
How about those mom jeans?
Irregardless of what you may think of
Miss Simpson, she is a success story.
Of the 50,000 people that call
themselves actors...
...there's only 500 working actors.
Of that 500, most of them are white.
There are a few roles for black people...
...but those roles are usually
for the Wayans brothers.
We must all, in our lives
and in our craft, have one thing.
Dignity. Yes, dignity.
Well, I remember one time,
they offered me a role...
...in a despicable, disgusting,
stereotypical racist movie.
Do you know what I told them?
- Yes, Miss White?
- You turned it down.
Hell, no! I took that money!
But I did it with dignity.
Let us watch.
Boy, you ain't picking
that cotton fast enough.
Massa, no!
I be's the best cotton-picking
picaninny this side of Jubilee.
Yes, sir, I's a cotton-picking fool!
They call me Lightning Jack.
- See, I just love picking me some cotton.
- Boy, you lie talking me?
Massa, I's be here forever. I cuts my
own foot off, sir, to show my love to you.
I love me some massa. No, Massa. No!
Integrity.
Attention, ladies!
Everybody take your place.
I am your dance instructor...
Ms. Camelto.
Now, I'm sure most of you have heard...
...that I have a huge count...
Excuse me, country music collection...
...but that's irrelevant.
I have one interest here today...
...and that one interest is dance.
I wanna see you dance and I wanna
see you smile. Understood?
I barely saw you there. You look like
a needle. You look like a gutted worm.
You look like the number 11.
What are you, Mary-Kate or Ashley?
I've inserted tampons bigger than you!
I don't teach by the pound.
You, shave it!
What do you think this is,
Busch Gardens? Trim it!
Flatten it. Look who freed Willy!
Whale spotting! Grecian tanker!
You've got more chins than a Chinese
phone book.
How about some butter for those rolls?
We do the mashed potato here,
we don't eat the mashed potato.
Please. You gonna keep the baby?
I hope so.
And what's your situation? Did you
grow up next to a nuclear power plant?
You look like you were yanked
through a closed door.
You know, you're never gonna make it
as a dancer, Sister Sledge.
If I were you, I'd kill myself.
My life is over!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
It was a metaphor!
Girls, if you wanna have a successful
senior showcase...
...you're gonna have to step it up.
Nora, show them how it's done.
Be a tree.
A cloud.
An earthworm. An acorn.
- Wow, she's amazing.
- A pair of lips.
That's Nora, she's a triple threat.
- She acts, sings, and dances.
- You're a cup of coffee.
She's won every competition out there.
Excellent, Nora, excellent!
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Brilliant, A-plus!
Now, for the rest of you cows...
I want you to follow me over here
to the balance beam.
All right, that's good, Jack, that's good.
Now, take it to the right.
Take it to the right.
Now the left, come on!
All right, now bring it up the middle.
Let's go, come on.
Jeez, give me that.
You have got to take your ball
and drive it hard into your opponent!
And I mean drive it long and hard.
Let's go again.
- Dad, can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, shoot.
Did you ever wanna try something new...
...but were afraid of what your friends
might think?
What, like bonking a hooker?
Nothing wrong with that.
Your first time should be special.
No, that's not what I mean.
Did you ever wanna try something
other than basketball?
Like having a strong man pin you down?
His hot breath breathing down your neck
as you struggle to the ground...
I know what you're getting at.
If you wanna join the wrestling team,
you have my full support.
Now, remember, we got
basketball practice this afternoon, huh?
Lady-killer.
Excuse me!
This is the dancers' table, and from
what I understand, you no longer dance.
- Damn, Nora, you are so mean.
- Not mean. Just real.
Come on.
Don't worry about Nora.
She is all bark and no bite.
Besides, those are the rich bitches...
...and you don't wanna
sit with them anyway.
Now, this is us, right over here.
Holla, holla, holla, holla!
Now, these are my roll dogs.
This is Uglisha and what's her name.
- Hey, girl!
- Hey, girl!
Wait, you don't know her name?
I thought they were your friends.
No, no, girl. I didn't say they were
my friends. I said I roll with them.
You see, I hang out with them because
they make me look better.
Now, what would I be doing being
friends with a bitch with a keloid...
...and some run-over shoes?
Look at her shoes. They tragic. God.
Uno!
What an asshole.
Who, girl? 'Cause you know in this
school you got to be more specific.
- Him.
- You talking about the corny brother...
...with the Cosby sweater
and the Dumbo ears?
Yeah. The one with the dried lips,
big forehead, and ashy knuckles?
That's my brother.
No, I wasn't talking about him. Him.
I don't usually do it.
- Cousin.
- Him.
- Yo, really?
- Nephew.
I'm really sorry.
I don't mean to offend you...
Oh, girl, I'm just messing with you!
She got you, girl. She got you good.
Yeah, she's like, "I'm surrounded by
black girls. Backpedal, backpedal. "
I think she's sweating Tang.
- She's so crazy.
- Scared me.
- They like my little minions, you see?
- Yeah. It's fun...
Come on, guys! Yeah!
All right.
Baby, look at me...
I'm just an average teen...
In gym class I watch you undress...
It's no secret that
fashion is my interest...
I got something in me...
I'm gonna set it free...
I'm Lance from 'N Sync's
number one fan...
Don't you know I love Bass
Now you know that I'm gay...
Flame...
I'll be gay forever...
I will always love guys...
Guys...
I'll wear chaps made of leather...
Do you think Tom Cruise is bi?
Gay...
Brokeback Mountain was heaven...
Is Ryan Seacrest straight?
Flame...
I'm gonna love men forever...
Baby, remember, I'm gay...
Remember, he's a member
Remember, he's a member...
Remember, he's a member...
I'm gay...
- Remember, I'm gay
- Gay!
One of you lucky boys is gonna be
my partner in the big showcase.
Now let's get started. You.
Go get her.
Next!
Yeah, you better be smiling.
Stop shaking.
Man up, dude! Come on, guys,
I weigh exactly 97.2 pounds.
I had one grape this morning, one!
- We're out of here.
- Guys, no! Don't go!
Save it, lard ass.
My life is over.
- I'll do it.
- Do what?
- Whatever it is y'all trying to do.
- You think you can lift me?
Shit, I could lift you.
Wait.
- Now what?
- You take your half boner off me.
My bad.
- Now put me down.
- All right.
Damn, I think I broke a nail.
So, we going to Club Violence tonight.
It's a hip-hop club. You should come.
- Yeah, sure.
- Are you 21?
No. I'm in high school.
So, what are you saying? I'm stupid
'cause I'm 21 and still in high school?
No, no, no, not at all.
Yo, A-Con, Megan needs a hook-up
on an ID for Club Violence tonight.
- Word. Give me $50.
- For what?
So I can get you some ID for $20.
You know Club Violence
ain't no square dance, right?
That's all right. I'll dance in circles,
probably around you.
Snap!
- She gonna roll around you, fam!
- All right.
She gonna roll around you.
All right, girl, let's roll.
- I think mami feeling you, fam.
- She probably got friends, too.
Oh, no, I'm good, B.
I need me a Queen Latifah type chick.
Corn rows and broad shoulders,
you know what I mean?
So, if I get jumped,
she knocking everybody out.
Yo, up here!
- Hey, girl.
- Hey, girl!
Come back in here, you little brat!
Quit playing around!
I'll be right down, Megan.
- Hey, girl!
- Hey!
Are we stopping somewhere first?
No. Why?
Do you need to stop somewhere?
No, I was just wondering,
is he coming to the club with us?
- Yeah. Why? Is there a problem?
- No. Not at all.
Okay, then, let's roll. Come on.
You are going to love Club Violence.
All the big ballers get shot there.
Speaking of which, you gonna need this.
It's your ID.
Oh, my God, her hair is horrible.
She has buckteeth, a lazy eye, and
needs to wax that unibrow. Who is this?
That's you!
- You're right.
- Come on.
Hey, Uglisha! Hey, Keloid!
- Hey, girl!
- Hey, girl!
- Charity, can I ask you something?
- Sure, what is it?
How do I look?
Girl. You ain't going nowhere with me
looking like that. Hold on.
Uglisha, let us use your car right fast.
- No, but I can't let...
- But nothing!
We ain't going nowhere,
we just wanna sit in it.
Nobody trying to take
your beat-up bucket.
Anyway, come on, let's go. Get...
- I thought...
- Just get in, hurry, hurry up.
You, hold this.
All right, here we go.
First, you need to take off
that sorry ass coat...
'cause it's country,
and you look country in it.
Take off those whack ass earrings,
'cause those are played.
And those shoes they've got to go.
Come on, hurry up. All right.
Now, put this on.
And take a little bit of this
and some of that.
Now, you are good to go, girl.
You look good. You ready.
Yo, check it.
- What it do, shorty?
- Damn!
- Girl, you looking good now.
- Let's bounce, girl.
Not y'all.
- Yo, what up, A-Con?
- Yo, what up, fam, you good?
- Chilling.
- All right. Dude.
Oh, hell, no. Con.
Got some girls coming to the after party?
No doubt, I'll bring the condoms, B,
I got you.
- Yeah, I'll be there, man.
- You ain't invited.
- Cool, I'll bring the chips.
- Hey, A-Con.
- How you doing, love? Love, you good?
- Good, looking good.
- You're looking better.
- Thank you.
- What up, ma?
- Get out of here!
Sorry, I'm taken.
Hey, ladies!
Yo! Hook a sister up.
- Don't look, don't look.
- At who?
My baby daddy, that's him over there.
Don't look.
I see you. How you doing?
Why don't you ask
how your son is doing?
That's a line you ain't tried in a while.
- Can I buy you a drink?
- You need to buy your baby something.
You right.
- Hey, bartender.
- Yeah.
Let me get a milk on the rocks,
and put it in a sippy cup.
- You got it.
- Oh, yeah...
...and a Patrn pineapple for my son.
- So, you wanna dance?
- No.
Come on, Charity.
You know you wanna dance with me.
That's all you ever wanna do,
is argue with me and dance with me.
Come on.
You so crazy.
I'll be back in, like, five minutes, okay?
One second.
Turn around!
So, what do you wanna drink?
I don't know.
You're the genius, remember?
You know everything.
I don't know everything.
Like I don't know how Jermaine Dupri
got with Janet Jackson.
And I don't know why porn stars pray.
It's pointless.
You know God's up there like...
I definitely don't know how Star Jones
didn't know her husband was gay.
I mean, he laughs like this.
You need to take care of your
responsibilities.
Yeah, but you still love me though,
right?
You right. You know what, boo?
I was thinking that we should have
another baby.
This is my song! Yes, yes!
I'm so happy! Yes, yes!
I'm so excited! Yeah!
Yes!
- Come on, let's dance.
- No, I really don't feel like dancing.
Come on. I wanna see you
dancing circles around me.
- Okay.
- Watch the body.
Let me show you how it's done.
Right.
- Where am I?
- Where are you?
- I don't know. Where am I?
- Where'd you go?
- Where did I go? I don't know.
- Seriously, though.
- Where are you?
- Here I am.
- Oh, hey. That was...
- Just magic.
Follow me.
Yeah. Step. Step.
- This is easy.
- Yes!
That's right, your boy A-Con
in the building right now.
Yeah, here we go, y'all. Bass drop!
Put your hands up
Put your hands up...
You got a $20 bill
Put your hands up...
You got a $50 bill
Put your hands up...
You got a $100 bill
Put your hands up...
Now give me all your goddamn money,
everybody, right now!
That's right, B!
Come on, that's right. Put it in there.
Trick or treat, smell my heat,
so me and my baby moms can eat.
Come on!
Hey. Yo, where y'all suckers going?
Well, well, well, if it isn't the Pied Piper
of short dancers.
We're ready to battle.
So you think you can dance?
Well, step up. Bring it on.
'Cause we,
we America's best dance crew.
Yeah!
Hey! What'd I tell you?
Like Michael Jackson's video!
- I lean, you catch me.
- Okay. Okay. All right.
I think y'all better roll bounce
before we stomp your yard.
And take honey here with you,
'cause she's coyote ugly.
You better be at the Streets.
We gonna be at the Streets, fam,
so y'all best be on yourjob.
Oh, we on ourjob. Let's roll, 409!
- What you gonna do?
- What'd I say?
Man!
Thomas, hang on!
Thomas, wait! Hold on a second.
- What was that back there?
- Believe me, you don't wanna know.
- Well, I had a great time tonight.
- I'm glad you liked the club.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- You got a ride?
No, I'm just gonna walk home.
No, no, no, no. There's too many
wannabe thugs around here.
- Yeah, I'll walk you.
- No, it's fine, I can protect myself.
I was actually hoping
you could protect me.
- You're serious.
- Yeah, I'm serious.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Don't worry about me.
Lil' man is packing.
Good night.
Do you have one of those?
- I had a really great time tonight.
- Yeah, me, too.
If you ever wanna, like,
hook up sometime...
...and work on your dance moves,
I'm totally, like, up for it.
- Well, yeah, that'd be great.
- Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
- All right. Thanks for the dance.
- No problem.
You have to teach me that one.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- See you.
- Bye.
My house is that way.
Are you gonna do your show tomorrow?
Don't have any more alcohol.
Don't you see what it's doing to you?
It's ruining your life. You're on the floor
with no shirt and tight pants.
Promise me you're not gonna have
any more alcohol.
I promise.
Don't have any more alcohol or else
I'm gonna disown you. Say you promise.
I don't have anyone.
What? What do you mean?
Of course you have me.
I don't have a little black boy.
That's true but that doesn't mean
you don't have me. So say you promise.
I promise.
All right. Let's warm up.
Okay, let's do this.
- Okay.
- Yeah, now you're getting it.
See, hip-hop is aggressive.
It's raw, so what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna invade your space...
...and then you invade mine back.
- It's like a battle. All right?
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
All right. So, I'm gonna guide you.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Your space, my space.
Your space, my... How's that feel?
- Good. Good.
- Good? All right.
'Cause I'm gonna let go
of the training wheels now, so...
- Really?
- Yeah, get ready.
- Okay.
- You got it. Feel it.
It's aggressive.
You gotta be aggressive towards me.
Okay.
Bitch, what's wrong with you?
You just gonna invade my space?
Don't invade my space!
You're gonna invade my... Knees!
Good.
Now what you gotta do
is learn how to back your shit up.
- You wanna try it again?
- No, no, no.
- All right.
- I'm good.
Very good. Very good.
So, that's it for today. Tomorrow
I'm gonna teach you how to do this.
Okay.
So, tell me, what's up
with you and A-Con?
I don't get why you guys hang out.
You're so different.
Look, me and him got into some stuff
a while ago. He got caught, I didn't.
But he never ratted me out,
so I owe him for that.
But don't you wanna be something
more than just a street thug?
I know you've got bigger dreams
than that. What do you wanna be?
I wanna be a doctor.
I bet you wanna work with kids,
don't you?
- No, vaginas.
- What?
I wanna be a vaginacologist.
They're all I think about.
Big ones, small ones, the cute ones
with the little Hitler mustaches on them.
Or how about the ones that are fat
like Jay-Z's lips?
But I gotta get into college first, so...
But what about you?
What does your mom think
about you dancing hip-hop?
My mom's dead.
Well, how come
you never talk about her?
What am I supposed to do?
Run around the school yelling about it?
If it helps.
My mom's dead!
She's dead! My mom's dead!
This book is so good.
- You like Thomas, don't you?
- No.
Well, he's okay, I guess.
He does have a nice smile,
beautiful skin and luscious lips.
But I love his big, fat...
Hey, hey, hey, girl! That is my brother.
What? I was just gonna say "butt. "
Well, you should see his...
Girl, I wonder who that could be.
I hate when people come by
unannounced. So tacky.
What do you want?
You know what I want, Charity.
I'm here to pick up my son.
Hey, son.
All right, I'm out.
I'll be back next week
to pick him up again.
He's such a good father.
Yes! I got in!
What is it? What's happened?
- Dr. Thomas Anderson!
- Let me see. Hold on.
"You and everyone else that applied
have been accepted...
"to Just Community College. "
Just Community College?
Just Community College!
That's great. You got in!
Congratulations!
That's great!
Megan, tonight I'm taking you out
to celebrate.
- Don't look.
- Okay.
- Stairs, there's stairs.
- Where?
- Right now.
- Okay.
- I'm so excited.
- I'm glad.
- Are you looking?
- No, I'm not looking.
- All right. Are you ready?
- Yes.
Surprise!
I'm sorry. I can't go in there.
What do you mean
you can't go in there?
- This is where I'm taking you.
- No.
Come on.
It's opening night. You're going.
She risked her life...
What a sacrifice...
Smashed by a truck
Last words were, "What the fuck?"
Momma's gone, momma's gone...
No more can you see her face...
Or hear her voice on the phone...
Your momma's dead, momma's dead
And she's never coming back...
Your momma's dead, momma's dead
That's right, she's never coming back...
You can wish...
She's never, never coming back...
You can cry...
She's never, she's never coming back...
Now go kill yourself...
That's right, she's never coming back...
Mom!
Encore! Encore!
- I thought you would've liked it.
- I did.
You wasn't acting like you did.
Wasn't even being loud.
I didn't hear you heckle once.
I'm sorry.
I don't want you to think I didn't have
a good time tonight, Thomas...
...but dancing
isn't a part of my life anymore.
Why not? You just woke up one day
and decided to waste your talent?
How do you know I have talent?
'Cause I danced at the club?
Because I saw the look on your face
when you did it, Megan.
It's the same look you had tonight.
It's the same exact look that you had...
It's the same... Mother...
Guys, can you quiet down here, please?
Can I talk to the girl?
Low self-esteem? Vulnerable?
Thank you.
- Like I was saying...
- Yeah.
I saw the look on your face
when you did it.
It's the same look you had tonight.
Goofy, happy, pale with freckles.
So, if you're gonna tell me something
about not dancing...
...then tell me something real.
Maybe I don't want it to be real.
What I want is to wake up
and see my mom.
For things to go back to the way
they were when life made sense.
And it's all my fault.
She got scraped off the highway for me.
For my damn audition.
- She was rushing, it was raining. I...
- Wait, it was raining?
Well, yeah,
but she promised she would be there.
I made her promise.
Damn! So, it was raining
and you still made her promise?
- Yeah, and then I didn't wait for her.
- That's messed up!
So, even if she didn't die,
she still would've been late?
I know I should've waited for her,
but they called my name and...
And then I didn't say anything.
So she would've got there
and been stuck outside.
That's what you're saying?
Well, technically, yeah,
but they called me.
You didn't put your mother's name
on the list? Are you kidding me?
Well, I had to go over my dance moves,
so I didn't have time to!
You didn't have time
for your own mother?
The person who gave birth to you.
You didn't have time for her?
- No, I... No, I...
- Okay.
No, I see what kind of party? This is.
Cry me a river.
All she wanted was for me to dance.
No. All she wanted was to live.
Not that she didn't support your dream.
It's just, the point is
you killed your mother.
And she's never coming back.
She's dead because of you!
God hates you, okay?
So, you not dancing
doesn't make any damn sense at all.
I know! But she...
I just don't think I
could do it without her.
Do you want this?
I mean,
do you really wanna go to Juilliard?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
Well, then, it's on you
to make your dream come true.
Oh, shit, black girls.
So what you're gonna wanna do
is make that left, go up three blocks...
- I don't know you, and...
- What are you...
- Thomas, what are you talking about?
- Sistahs! Yeah!
- So this is where you live?
- Yep, this is it.
Oh, my God!
This is my dad's music room.
He's actually pretty good,
if you like the buckets.
I don't.
He's working tonight,
so he's gonna be gone all night.
So that means we could probably
play the TV as loud as we want. Yeah!
There's a Blue's Clues marathon!
It's not working.
Well, I was thinking more like...
Make hotdogs?
Not exactly. Okay. More like...
Ice cream. Who has two thumbs
and wants ice cream? This guy.
No.
Charades. I like charades.
- All right, I'm good at this.
- Yes!
Yoga. You're doing yoga.
- Leap frog. Okay. You're riding a pony.
- Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah!
No, Thomas! Have sex!
Why didn't you say something?
Well, I'm a little shy.
Yo. Sugar Bear wants to see you.
Who's that scary-looking guy?
Who, him? That's nobody.
- Just an old friend, you know.
- Okay.
- We should all get together sometime.
- Yeah, great.
I'm just gonna go hang out.
Do some cardio. Read.
- Well, have fun.
- I will. I really...
Hey, yo, Thomas, they caught us, fam.
I don't know how they found you, though.
- I gotta go.
- Okay.
So, I'm gonna give you a call
around 9:11?
That's a little late, but that's okay.
And I also got us
some Police concert tickets.
Oh, my God, I love the Police!
I'm so excited!
There's a COPS marathon. COPS.
Love it, right?
- Okay, I'll TiVo it.
- Okay. Bye.
Bye!
You ain't got my dough yet?
You know how much bread,
how much cheddar...
...how much cake that is?
I want my chips!
Don't worry, man, we gonna have
your money for you, Sug.
- When?
- Soon as possible, fam.
Well, that ain't good enough.
There's a dance battle coming up,
and I suggest you win.
- What if we lose?
- No!
No! No!
And I am telling you...
My belly's growling...
I like glazed ham, pig feet and toes...
The Biggest Loser, I say no...
Give me mo, mo, mo, mo steaks...
Chicken and ribs, too...
I'm not living without food...
I don't wanna be no Nicole Richie...
Chips by the mountain
Soda pop from the spout...
You can say what you wanna
I'm not working out...
Fry me some chicken, strike up the grill...
'Cause you're gonna feed me...
That's right, you will, yes...
I am smelling food...
I'm so hungry...
Smucker's is the best jam
I've ever known...
And you, and you, and you...
You're gonna feed me...
Feed me...
Feed...
Me...
Be aggressive, guys! Let's score!
Excuse me!
Come on, let's get that basket!
Why do they call you nappy?
I don't understand it.
Why don't you "D" up on her?
You know, maybe if you weren't so tired
from having sex with Thomas...
...maybe you could guard her.
How do you know
I had sex with Thomas?
Who's the ho now?
- Give that back!
- No!
You are going down, Twiggy!
You bow-legged bitch!
Break it up! Break it up! Get off of her!
What are you doing?
I am not gonna have two nubile,
sweaty teens fighting like that...
...making me moist in my own gym!
Do you understand?
If you've got a beef to settle,
we're gonna settle it my way. Got it?
Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
- Get her!
- Come on! Get that ass!
- Grab it!
- You want some of this?
I'm gonna make it rain
on these hoes! Yeah!
Show me what you got!
Let me see some ass!
What is wrong with you guys?
Do you know what's at stake here?
We're talking state championships!
Hey! Stand up, Weiner!
You're not looking polished, Knob!
You gotta play hard, Cockran!
Headd! You gotta give me some!
Don't you guys wanna know
what it feels like to be winners?
To be 10 men,
holding each other after a big victory?
Standing naked in the showers...
...screaming at the top of your lungs,
foam flying?
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Now, that is the spirit, son!
Now, the rest of you,
get your head in the game!
Let's go!
So, how did he catch it?
Probably one of them kids at school.
You know kids.
I told him to wear a condom,
but does he listen to me? No.
Just like his damn daddy.
Now you sit there and let it itch.
So, I heard about the fight.
Yeah. It was all Nora's fault.
It was all Nora's fault?
You didn't have anything to do with it?
No! She's just jealous of me
and Thomas.
Well, what do you expect?
It is hard out there for a white girl.
It used to be that y'all just show up
and bat your eyes...
...and the brothers would come running.
But now, the competition is fierce.
You see, girl, first
it was J. Lo with Puffy.
She opened the door
for every Latina this side of the border.
Then it was Kimora Lee Simmons
leading a dojo ofAsian bitches.
And now, we got Kim Kardashian...
...and her big, Armenian ass
pulling brothers right and left.
So, what is a rich white girl
supposed to do?
The last thing she needs is you coming
in here with your blonde hair...
...your perky breasts,
and a little bit of rhythm...
...taking the last sellout brother left.
You think that Nora
is the only oppressed white girl?
Well, I'll have you know,
I have paid my dues.
Excuse me, miss?
Have you been drinking?
- Nope.
- Ma'am, step out of the car.
The damage isn't that bad.
Ma'am, I'm gonna have
to have you blow into this tube.
Ma'am, I meant this tube.
It's a lot bigger.
Ma'am, I'm gonna have to take you in.
Time's up, Miss White.
You're free to go.
Hope you learned your lesson.
What took you so long?
Your flashback was longer
than your time in County...
...and that don't make you one of us.
I thought we were friends.
What do you mean, we're not gonna pay
Sugar Bear back his money?
'Cause I'm tired of Sugar Bear
always trying to punk us, B.
What type of self-respecting thug
pays back a debt?
So, what are you gonna do
when he comes after us?
He ain't coming after us.
We gonna get him first.
- Meet me under the bridge tonight, 8:00.
- No.
- Bitch.
- Okay.
There's something I need to tell you.
You're pregnant? Oh, no.
What? No, Thomas, I'm not pregnant.
Good, 'cause with your big head
and my ears, God only knows.
No, I'm performing
at the senior showcase...
...and then, who knows, maybe Juilliard.
That's great!
And I was kind of thinking, you know...
...maybe we should just kind of cool it
for a while.
What do you mean?
I'm saying I think we need
to take a break.
Break, definitely,
yeah, we should definitely take a break.
How long you need, like,
We actually should synchronize
our watches...
- So we can meet up...
- No, Thomas. I need space.
Okay. Space. Space is good.
That's enough space?
Thomas, we're done.
Definitely. This has been
a long rehearsal, very tough.
Thomas, I'm leaving you!
I don't wanna be
your girlfriend anymore!
We spend more time
defending our relationship...
...than actually having one!
Nobody wants to see us together.
Not my friends and not yours.
I'm saying it's over.
Fine.
- Fine, leave! Get out!
- Sorry! I'm sorry!
God has put you in my path
and I aim to keep you!
I'm making steaks for dinner
and I expect you to stay.
Megan!
So, here's my number. You just call me.
You married?
That's sexy. I'll talk to you later.
Oh, shit.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can we talk?
Can we talk, Charity?
I just want to let you know, from now on,
things are gonna be different.
I don't wanna be the kind of father...
...that his kid only sees him
on the weekends.
That's not the kind of life I want
for my son. My son!
- You don't even know his name.
- It doesn't matter!
Maury said it was a 99.9% chance
that he is mine!
And I'm gonna honor that!
Anyway, I want my kid to wake up
every morning and see my face.
Here, put this in his room.
I'm out.
Hey, sup, man, I gotta talk to you.
- I ain't going with you.
- What you mean you not going with me?
I mean this shit is dangerous!
Of course it's dangerous, it's a drive-by!
But we can get the money.
All we have to do is battle the 409s
at the Streets tonight...
...pay Sugar Bear back, and we're good.
Nigger, did you wear a pink shirt
to a drive-by?
It brings out my eyes.
Look, if you walk away from this,
I'll walk away with you.
Walk away from what?
I'm not you, Thomas.
I can't go to Just Community College
like you...
...be a doctor,
operating on people and shit.
Yes, you can, man!
If I can do it, you can do it!
Not with these hands!
I got guns for hands!
They call me
Edward Triggerhands, fam.
For me, it's all about respect.
A- Con...
Are you wearing the elastic
I asked you to wear?
Keep your chins up.
You're never gonna be a Nora.
Have a good show.
Yes, this is she.
Hey, Charity. Where's Thomas?
The last time I heard,
he and A-Con went after Sugar Bear.
- What?
- Yeah, well, they owe him $5,000
...and they can't come up with the money.
There has to be another way.
Well, if he had a crew,
he could've battled at the Streets...
...and possibly won the money back,
but where we gonna find a crew?
Hey, guys! Thomas is in trouble
and he needs our help.
There's a battle at the Streets tonight
and he needs a crew.
So, what are you saying?
You want to start a crew?
Yeah!
And who's gonna be in this "crew?"
Well, maybe you don't wanna step out
of your perfect world...
...but there's a lot going on
under the radar at Musical High.
Take sweet little Tracy, for example.
She has really bad hair.
Tyler has a horrible smile!
And what about you, Nora?
I mean, everybody knows
that you're the best dancer in school.
Let's do this!
What about the showcase?
The 409 Crew coming up, y'all!
It's that time, y'all.
Now, I believe that our distinguished
panel of random extras...
...have made their decision.
May I have the envelope, please?
Man.
And for all you people
at home watching...
I am wearing all yellow.
This is a tight moment.
Tighter than the button on my suit.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a winner!
- The winner is...
- Hey, yo, Truck!
- What do you want, punk?
- Hey, hey. Hey, now.
I wanna battle! Me and you, one on one.
That's not how it goes.
You have to have a crew to battle.
- Says who?
- It's a written law of the Streets.
Says it right there.
"No dance battling without a crew. "
- And you don't have a crew.
- Oh, yes, he does.
Megan? What are you doing here?
Oh, no, this for street dancers only.
They're not street dancers.
We gonna do it
just like we do it on the Streets.
Now the baddest man hit my hand.
Now you've been challenged.
Do you accept?
- Let's do this.
- All right.
Then it's gonna be the 409 Crew versus,
what's your name, young man?
- Thomas Uncles.
- The Uncle Toms!
Show your love!
Let's go, 409, let's go!
Uncle Toms, assemble!
We got this.
Hey, wait a minute, I thought only
the good guys get to go in slow motion?
- Hey, yo, Thomas.
- A-Con!
What's up?
Wait, what happened with Sugar Bear?
Mr. Stache took care of that, man.
We good.
Now let's serve these suckers, B.
Everybody huddle up.
Hold on, man!
Yo, how we gonna compete
with these guys with these guys?
We got this, A-Con.
All right, everybody.
You just do what you do best, okay?
Let's do this!
- What's going on?
- I don't think I can do this.
Remember the routine you used to do
at the club?
Do that and you'll be great.
Okay.
I didn't mean that club.
That's my girl!
What's this?
Yeah!
Nigger! Did you wear tight ass shorts
and skates to a battle?
Yeah. So did you.
Oh, yeah. And it worked for T.I.
In ATL, right?
What up, dawg!
Wee!
Stop weeing!
Yeah! What!
Yeah!
They did their thing tonight!
And the judges have made
their decision.
And the winner is...
- A tie?
- What?
Oh, hell, no!
Y'all can't do this to these kids!
What y'all want to see?
Y'all want to see them battle it out?
All right. We gonna do this
the Stache way.
Each crew gets one move, no rules,
and the audience will decide.
Let's get it on!
Let's go. They got one move left,
and we know what that is.
Three, four, five, six, seven.
- What are they doing?
- Stealing our move, man!
I'm stealing your shit!
Now what?
Yo, that's not fair. You stole our move!
That's true.
But you still got one move left.
Sugar Bear?
I came here to get my bread,
my chips, my cheese.
- Here you go.
- I'm talking about my money, bitch.
Don't get cute.
All right, fat boy, let's see what you got.
I'm about to get in your ass!
Am I still cute?
I look like a black Gumby?
Uncle Toms! Uncle Toms!
Uncle Toms! Uncle Toms!
And the crowd has spoken!
The winner of this year's
Battle of the Streets and $5,000
...goes to the Uncle Toms!
Yeah! Show your love!
Now that's a battle right there!
That's what I'm talking about!
- Good work, guys!
- Hey!
Hey!
That was really wild,
what you did out there.
Thanks. I couldn't let you go out there
and risk your future.
Oh, my gosh, Megan!
Megan, congratulations, girl!
Thanks, Charity.
By the way,
I brought somebody with me.
- Well, now, that certainly was different.
- I guess it was.
So, you and your entire crew
missed the senior showcase for this?
Ever since I started hanging out
with these guys, I've learned a lesson.
Some things are more important
than going to college...
...or getting a high-paying job...
...or inventing something
that could save the lives of millions.
It's something we like to call respect.
And you only get it here, in the Streets.
Yeah!
Well, this might surprise you...
...but I know a little something
about the hip-hop.
What you know about hip-hop?
Well, back in the day, I happened to be
one of the best beatboxers around.
- Is that right?
- Yeah!
- Well, why don't you kick a beat then?
- All right.
That beat is hot.
But her lips ain't moving.
- Oh, yes, they are.
- Yo!
We like to party...
We don't cause trouble
We don't bother nobody...
We're just some men that's on the mic...
And when we rock upon the mic
We rock the mic right...
I am a human beatbox...
Hold onto me.
What's the matter, Thomas?
- You think you know me?
- Yes.
Then you need to see me in the light.
Are you afraid?
No. I'm not afraid.
You should be.
- Aren't you even a little scared?
- No. More disappointed than anything.
You just turned around
with glitter on your face.
- You don't even have fangs.
- Let's dance.
- Now you're dancing.
- At prom. And next year, at Juilliard.
Thomas, why didn't you take me
when you had the chance?
You don't know what you're saying.
You don't really want this.
It will change your life.
Besides, you know what they say.
Once you go black, you never go back?
No. You shouldn't do it until you're
with the one you'll be with forever.
I dream of being with you forever.
- So you really want this?
- Yes. Give it to me right now.
You're gonna live a long
and happy life with me.
Oh, shit, white guys.
So, what you're gonna do
is leave the car up front.
Here are the keys.
It's the one blasting Coldplay.
Don't steal anything, okay? Scurry on.
Get off me!
Get back!
- In your face.
- He's trying...
You know you like it! Right here!
Whatever.
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Your turn, go.
- Do it!
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Look at him!
- Drill! Drill! Drill!
- Where'd he go?
- Yo!
Wait, wait! Wait!
Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop that!
Stop that!
Stop that! Hey, hey, this is my house!
This is my house!
We not gonna have that here.
Now, we got a tie.
- What?
- What?
That's right.
The baddest two crews are left.
And I'm talking bad. Super bad.
I'm talking Wesley Snipes don't pay his
taxes bad.
We talking T.I.
Buying machine guns bad.
We talking everything on the CW bad.
- Yeah.
- Now, the only way to settle this...
...is a rematch.
That's right, that's right.
So, what y'all gonna do?
- Let's do it.
- No, wait.
Y'all go on over there and talk about it.
Go talk about it, talk about it.
Sugar Bear is gonna kill us
if we lose his money.
Come on, Thomas, we can take these
fools, man.
All we need is for D
to do his signature move.
- No, I'm not sure that's a good idea.
- He can't, it's too dangerous.
Yo, I don't care about that, man.
D's gonna do it.
But he could break his neck
and be crippled forever.
D don't care about that, man. All right,
he gonna take one for the team.
But like a hundred million Americans,
D doesn't have insurance.
- Yeah, he's right, I don't.
- Yo, man...
...he's doing the move and that's final.
I want this.
Exactly. You want this.
Look, man, there ain't no "I" in "team. "
- There ain't?
- No.
- What about "group"?
- Not in "group" either.
- Crew?
- No.
- Troupe? Gang?
- No.
- Einsemble?
- You just mispronounced that word...
...to make it sound
like it had an "I" in it.
Yo, forget about all that, man.
Let's do it.
- But, guys!
- Stay out of your business, D!
- Come on, man!
- So, what y'all gonna do?
Double or nothing, $5,000.
All right, well, put the money in the hat.
Oh, well, cat's out the bag.
You heard the man, $3,000.
Did I say three? I meant $5,000!
Now, what you gonna do?
- We in.
- Oh, yeah, we got us a battle now.
Show them some love!
That's right, these young men are gonna
be battling it out for $7,000 in cash!
$10,000. And one of my loud-ass suits
from my loud-ass suit collection...
...comes in a variety of ghetto colors,
Flavor Flava eyes yellow...
Kool-Aid red, ashy gray...
...and for weddings and funerals,
Djimon Hounsou black.
Y'all ready to do this?
Well, let's get it on.
Yo, this dude is whack.
Why is everybody going crazy over him?
He's the director and your cousin.
Anything he do is fine.
Yeah! This is my movie.
It's all you, D.
Look at this dude.
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight!
That money is ours!
- All right!
- All right!
Yo. Give me the oil, give me the oil.
- What's up, man?
- What's up?
Oh, no!
Looks like we got us a winner!
The 409 Crew it is!
Yeah!
Excuse me. Is this seat taken?
- Oh, no, not at all.
- Good.
Come on, kids, it's empty!
There we go.
- You want some chicken?
- No, thank you.
I love the ballet.
Never had the body for it, though.
That's why I chose football.
That's me when I was nine.
You dance?
I used to.
When I lived in the suburbs.
Megan, honey, you hungry?
Hey, Megan, will you help me
with my home...
Special delivery for Megan...
- Megan, honey, we're really busy.
- But, Mom, you promised.
I know, sweetie, but it's about to start
raining, and I need to fix the brakes...
...and I have to drop off
the life insurance check.
- This is the biggest day of my life.
- All right, sweetie.
You're the best, Mom.
Don't you worry. I won't let you down.
I'll make it to that audition if it is
the last thing I do.
You're gonna die, bitch.
Oh, no! Oh, my God! Help me! Please!
Over there, over there, hurry!
- Oh, thank God!
- Free gas!
- Yeah, baby! Premium!
- Wait, people!
Where's everyone going?
We've hit the jackpot!
Get me some gas.
- We need something to put it in!
- Help me! My seatbelt is jammed!
Oh, please, help me!
In here, somebody give me a hand!
I was on the way
to my daughter's audition.
Okay, miss, I need you to lift up and
swing your body towards me, okay?
- Okay. Please, hurry! I can't get it.
- I can see it. Almost!
Got it! I got it!
What the hell!
Miss White, is there anything you would
like to share before you begin?
Well, I think my thighs look really fat
in this outfit.
Valtrex does not work.
I have no gag reflex.
I meant about your routine.
Well, nothing other than it's something
that my grandfather helped me with.
This should be good.
Oh, my God. I'm okay.
Thanks, you guys.
It's just a few cuts and bruises.
Don't worry about me.
I'm just gonna get a lift.
Don't worry, baby.
I'll get there even if it kills me.
Not even Brandy can stop me.
Oh, shit, not again.
Yeah! I'm Rick James, bitch!
Yeah, okay.
Yes, I'll find a way to tell her gently.
Your mother died,
and, no, you didn't get in.
- What?
- Next!
You mean,
my audition wasn't good enough?
I ain't asked you all that.
Come on, kids, let's move away from
this long-winded ho.
Come on, babies. Goodness.
Well, if it isn't my two dancing
delivery boys.
- Where's the other Musketeer?
- He died in a tragic dance accident.
I'm talking about my chocolate bar,
bitch!
- Don't get cute.
- I got it right here, Sugar Bear.
It's all good.
Now, I told y'all two,
when I gave you that loan...
...that I'm gonna need my piece of the pie.
I got it right here.
Pumpkin pie.
I ain't gonna sugarcoat this.
Yeah, I is.
I heard about you two fools getting
served at that dance battle.
But I like you two, so I'm gonna give
you a chance to make things right.
I'm gonna give you till the end of next
week to bring me my chips.
But if I don't get them by then,
we all gonna be crying over spilt milk.
Spilt milk and crumbled cookies.
Now get out!
Somebody get me a fork.
Who back there?
The Suburban Express has arrived
in the ghetto on track two.
Dad?
- Megan.
- Hi.
Hi. So, you got a lot of baggage?
Well, you left me when I was 10,
Mom is dead.
I haven't had a decent date in a year
because of my low self-esteem...
Honey. I'm talking about your luggage.
Yeah, well, it's over there.
Keep the platform clear of all luggage,
guns and knives.
Okay. Now, look, I'll grab this.
You grab the rest. I'm double parked.
Home, sweet home.
I don't wanna talk to you!
Come on, honey,
I'll give you the grand tour.
I'll kill you, bitch!
Isn't it beautiful? Isn't it great?
Now, listen, sweetheart, I know this
may not be what you're used to...
...but I got a perfect spot picked out
for you. What do you think?
Yeah, I know. It's a little out in the open.
But I got a little work to do on it.
It's gonna be great,
I promise you, honey.
When I'm done, it's gonna be perfect.
This just won't do.
Hey.
Well, all right, everybody.
Let's get this place cleaned up.
Mr. Crackhead.
Have fun.
Grab a brush, grab a broom.
Grab a mop and bucket.
Come on, everybody
and we'll scrub, scrub, scrub it.
Clean up your own shit, hey.
Kiss my furry a-hole.
- This bitch can't sing. I'm out of here.
- Word.
I shot him, it was at a quarter to 1:00
Nobody was there so I didn't run.
It was 2007, October 1
Under my bed is where I hid the gun.
Man, you killed it.
You're under arrest for murder.
What you talking about, man?
I didn't... I didn't even do nothing.
Got your confession on tape.
I shot him, it was at a quarter to 1:00
- Man, that wasn't even me, man.
- He hid the gun under the bed.
A- Con, what up, dawg?
- What up, man?
- Chilling.
So, what's up, man?
You going back to school?
Are you serious, man?
All these losers running around here
with hopes and dreams.
Teachers want you to better yourself.
Nah, man. Give me prison any day, fam.
Yeah, totally don't agree with you.
So what are you gonna do?
Come on, man. The judge says
it's either school orjuvie.
I'm only one crime away from
going back, B. I'm excited, man!
Kickball, arts and crafts, showers.
Yo, I'm about to go to the bank, man.
- Cool. You're gonna make a deposit?
- Nah. Withdrawal.
Tell your mom I'll be by later
for some pie.
Okay.
Ray? I ain't gonna beat around the bush
with you.
You blind, son.
Ain't no easy way to say
you're a blind little bastard.
I know, Mamma.
Ain't nobody gonna have pity on you
'cause you blind.
Now, wipe them tears.
These ain't tears, Mamma.
These is eye boogers.
Then blow your eyes!
Now, I done showed you
how to do things once.
But now you're on your own.
But you remember, you blind, not stupid.
Okay, Mamma.
Just get out the car, you stupid, blind
son-of-a-bitch!
- Ray?
- Yes, Mamma?
You know how many steps it takes
to get to the school, right?
Yes, Mamma. I also remember
how many licks it takes...
...to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
- Just take your stupid, blind ass on.
- Yes, Mamma.
One, two, three!
Now, contrary to rumor, my door is
always open, from 5:00 to 5:05 p. m.
At which point
I usually take my three-hour lunch.
So, if you miss me, you can catch me
every other Tuesday...
...of every other leap year,
from 4:45 a. m. To 4:47 a. m.
So just know I'm here to give you kids
some guidance.
Bobby! What are you doing writing
on that wall with a marker?
Use this spray paint. Don't you want
people to be able to see your work?
- Oh, yeah, let me try that.
- Damn fool.
Come on, blondie, pick up the pace.
I'm getting my wig rotated at 11:00.
Johnny! Take that condom off!
You know you can't feel anything
with it on!
- You right.
- These damn kids today...
...don't even know how to get low.
Okay, here we are. Here's your locker
and here's your combination.
Now, do you have
any questions or concerns?
Well, I do have a few concerns.
It's kind of a pressing matter...
...but I know you don't have much time.
She's good.
Jimmy Hopper, please come
to the principal's office. Jimmy Hopper.
Girl, don't be leaving your bag on the
floor. It's like giving it to charity.
- Hi, I'm Charity.
- I'm Megan.
- Are you a dancer?
- I used to be.
Yeah, me, too. Until I had my baby.
Get busy! Go, Charity! Get busy!
Go, Charity! Get busy! Go, Charity!
Get busy! Go, Charity! Get busy!
Go, Charity! Go! Go! Go!
Oh, my God!
You bring your baby to school with you?
Hell, yeah! I am a good mother, okay?
You can't just be leaving your baby
with anybody.
These nannies be beating
on your children like LAPD.
I keep him with me because that way
I know that he is safe and sound.
You know what I'm talking about?
You can't just be leaving your kid
with anybody.
These people out here be crazy,
neglecting their children. Okay.
All right, boo boo, you remember
to breathe through the vents...
...and Mommy loves you, punkin!
- Hey, Jack.
- Hey, Tracy.
I was wondering if you have a dance
partner for the senior showcase...
'cause I was thinking
we could be partners.
There's this really romantic scene
in Romeo and Juliet.
That's great.
I've always wanted to play that part.
You'll be a great Romeo.
I'm not talking about Romeo.
You're so funny.
"Delighted that he was fat
Delighted that he was old...
"No doubt in the world about that
Delighted that he had gold"
How now, brown cow.
Scene. An actor prepares.
Acting, people...
...is action and reaction.
- Oh, shit!
- Yes, son, yes! Yes, that is truth!
- You don't know me.
- I see murder in your eyes.
Yes, that's good, son.
You need an agent. You are excellent.
Now, what will you do to act?
What are you willing to sacrifice...
...for your art, son? Yes?
Are you willing to die for it?
Are you willing to cry for it?
Are you willing
to lose your manhood for it?
No? You, get out of my class,
get out of my class!
You call yourself an actor? Get out!
Damn it, I gave up my manhood...
...twice.
Yes, it hurt. I bled.
But I got five weeks' work
on a non-union student film.
Now, class, there are 50,000 people
who have the audacity...
...to call themselves actors.
- Yeah, like Jessica Simpson.
- Yes, like Jessica Simpson.
Did any of you guys see
Employee of the Month?
Refund, please!
That Dane Cook makes me do this.
Well, I kind of like that movie.
I thought she did a really good job.
I saw it four times.
Yeah, I guess I'd rather see her act than...
...ruin the Cowboys' chances
of ever winning the Super Bowl.
It seems as though we have a debate
going on here.
How about those mom jeans?
Irregardless of what you may think of
Miss Simpson, she is a success story.
Of the 50,000 people that call
themselves actors...
...there's only 500 working actors.
Of that 500, most of them are white.
There are a few roles for black people...
...but those roles are usually
for the Wayans brothers.
We must all, in our lives
and in our craft, have one thing.
Dignity. Yes, dignity.
Well, I remember one time,
they offered me a role...
...in a despicable, disgusting,
stereotypical racist movie.
Do you know what I told them?
- Yes, Miss White?
- You turned it down.
Hell, no! I took that money!
But I did it with dignity.
Let us watch.
Boy, you ain't picking
that cotton fast enough.
Massa, no!
I be's the best cotton-picking
picaninny this side of Jubilee.
Yes, sir, I's a cotton-picking fool!
They call me Lightning Jack.
- See, I just love picking me some cotton.
- Boy, you lie talking me?
Massa, I's be here forever. I cuts my
own foot off, sir, to show my love to you.
I love me some massa. No, Massa. No!
Integrity.
Attention, ladies!
Everybody take your place.
I am your dance instructor...
Ms. Camelto.
Now, I'm sure most of you have heard...
...that I have a huge count...
Excuse me, country music collection...
...but that's irrelevant.
I have one interest here today...
...and that one interest is dance.
I wanna see you dance and I wanna
see you smile. Understood?
I barely saw you there. You look like
a needle. You look like a gutted worm.
You look like the number 11.
What are you, Mary-Kate or Ashley?
I've inserted tampons bigger than you!
I don't teach by the pound.
You, shave it!
What do you think this is,
Busch Gardens? Trim it!
Flatten it. Look who freed Willy!
Whale spotting! Grecian tanker!
You've got more chins than a Chinese
phone book.
How about some butter for those rolls?
We do the mashed potato here,
we don't eat the mashed potato.
Please. You gonna keep the baby?
I hope so.
And what's your situation? Did you
grow up next to a nuclear power plant?
You look like you were yanked
through a closed door.
You know, you're never gonna make it
as a dancer, Sister Sledge.
If I were you, I'd kill myself.
My life is over!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
It was a metaphor!
Girls, if you wanna have a successful
senior showcase...
...you're gonna have to step it up.
Nora, show them how it's done.
Be a tree.
A cloud.
An earthworm. An acorn.
- Wow, she's amazing.
- A pair of lips.
That's Nora, she's a triple threat.
- She acts, sings, and dances.
- You're a cup of coffee.
She's won every competition out there.
Excellent, Nora, excellent!
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Brilliant, A-plus!
Now, for the rest of you cows...
I want you to follow me over here
to the balance beam.
All right, that's good, Jack, that's good.
Now, take it to the right.
Take it to the right.
Now the left, come on!
All right, now bring it up the middle.
Let's go, come on.
Jeez, give me that.
You have got to take your ball
and drive it hard into your opponent!
And I mean drive it long and hard.
Let's go again.
- Dad, can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, shoot.
Did you ever wanna try something new...
...but were afraid of what your friends
might think?
What, like bonking a hooker?
Nothing wrong with that.
Your first time should be special.
No, that's not what I mean.
Did you ever wanna try something
other than basketball?
Like having a strong man pin you down?
His hot breath breathing down your neck
as you struggle to the ground...
I know what you're getting at.
If you wanna join the wrestling team,
you have my full support.
Now, remember, we got
basketball practice this afternoon, huh?
Lady-killer.
Excuse me!
This is the dancers' table, and from
what I understand, you no longer dance.
- Damn, Nora, you are so mean.
- Not mean. Just real.
Come on.
Don't worry about Nora.
She is all bark and no bite.
Besides, those are the rich bitches...
...and you don't wanna
sit with them anyway.
Now, this is us, right over here.
Holla, holla, holla, holla!
Now, these are my roll dogs.
This is Uglisha and what's her name.
- Hey, girl!
- Hey, girl!
Wait, you don't know her name?
I thought they were your friends.
No, no, girl. I didn't say they were
my friends. I said I roll with them.
You see, I hang out with them because
they make me look better.
Now, what would I be doing being
friends with a bitch with a keloid...
...and some run-over shoes?
Look at her shoes. They tragic. God.
Uno!
What an asshole.
Who, girl? 'Cause you know in this
school you got to be more specific.
- Him.
- You talking about the corny brother...
...with the Cosby sweater
and the Dumbo ears?
Yeah. The one with the dried lips,
big forehead, and ashy knuckles?
That's my brother.
No, I wasn't talking about him. Him.
I don't usually do it.
- Cousin.
- Him.
- Yo, really?
- Nephew.
I'm really sorry.
I don't mean to offend you...
Oh, girl, I'm just messing with you!
She got you, girl. She got you good.
Yeah, she's like, "I'm surrounded by
black girls. Backpedal, backpedal. "
I think she's sweating Tang.
- She's so crazy.
- Scared me.
- They like my little minions, you see?
- Yeah. It's fun...
Come on, guys! Yeah!
All right.
Baby, look at me...
I'm just an average teen...
In gym class I watch you undress...
It's no secret that
fashion is my interest...
I got something in me...
I'm gonna set it free...
I'm Lance from 'N Sync's
number one fan...
Don't you know I love Bass
Now you know that I'm gay...
Flame...
I'll be gay forever...
I will always love guys...
Guys...
I'll wear chaps made of leather...
Do you think Tom Cruise is bi?
Gay...
Brokeback Mountain was heaven...
Is Ryan Seacrest straight?
Flame...
I'm gonna love men forever...
Baby, remember, I'm gay...
Remember, he's a member
Remember, he's a member...
Remember, he's a member...
I'm gay...
- Remember, I'm gay
- Gay!
One of you lucky boys is gonna be
my partner in the big showcase.
Now let's get started. You.
Go get her.
Next!
Yeah, you better be smiling.
Stop shaking.
Man up, dude! Come on, guys,
I weigh exactly 97.2 pounds.
I had one grape this morning, one!
- We're out of here.
- Guys, no! Don't go!
Save it, lard ass.
My life is over.
- I'll do it.
- Do what?
- Whatever it is y'all trying to do.
- You think you can lift me?
Shit, I could lift you.
Wait.
- Now what?
- You take your half boner off me.
My bad.
- Now put me down.
- All right.
Damn, I think I broke a nail.
So, we going to Club Violence tonight.
It's a hip-hop club. You should come.
- Yeah, sure.
- Are you 21?
No. I'm in high school.
So, what are you saying? I'm stupid
'cause I'm 21 and still in high school?
No, no, no, not at all.
Yo, A-Con, Megan needs a hook-up
on an ID for Club Violence tonight.
- Word. Give me $50.
- For what?
So I can get you some ID for $20.
You know Club Violence
ain't no square dance, right?
That's all right. I'll dance in circles,
probably around you.
Snap!
- She gonna roll around you, fam!
- All right.
She gonna roll around you.
All right, girl, let's roll.
- I think mami feeling you, fam.
- She probably got friends, too.
Oh, no, I'm good, B.
I need me a Queen Latifah type chick.
Corn rows and broad shoulders,
you know what I mean?
So, if I get jumped,
she knocking everybody out.
Yo, up here!
- Hey, girl.
- Hey, girl!
Come back in here, you little brat!
Quit playing around!
I'll be right down, Megan.
- Hey, girl!
- Hey!
Are we stopping somewhere first?
No. Why?
Do you need to stop somewhere?
No, I was just wondering,
is he coming to the club with us?
- Yeah. Why? Is there a problem?
- No. Not at all.
Okay, then, let's roll. Come on.
You are going to love Club Violence.
All the big ballers get shot there.
Speaking of which, you gonna need this.
It's your ID.
Oh, my God, her hair is horrible.
She has buckteeth, a lazy eye, and
needs to wax that unibrow. Who is this?
That's you!
- You're right.
- Come on.
Hey, Uglisha! Hey, Keloid!
- Hey, girl!
- Hey, girl!
- Charity, can I ask you something?
- Sure, what is it?
How do I look?
Girl. You ain't going nowhere with me
looking like that. Hold on.
Uglisha, let us use your car right fast.
- No, but I can't let...
- But nothing!
We ain't going nowhere,
we just wanna sit in it.
Nobody trying to take
your beat-up bucket.
Anyway, come on, let's go. Get...
- I thought...
- Just get in, hurry, hurry up.
You, hold this.
All right, here we go.
First, you need to take off
that sorry ass coat...
'cause it's country,
and you look country in it.
Take off those whack ass earrings,
'cause those are played.
And those shoes they've got to go.
Come on, hurry up. All right.
Now, put this on.
And take a little bit of this
and some of that.
Now, you are good to go, girl.
You look good. You ready.
Yo, check it.
- What it do, shorty?
- Damn!
- Girl, you looking good now.
- Let's bounce, girl.
Not y'all.
- Yo, what up, A-Con?
- Yo, what up, fam, you good?
- Chilling.
- All right. Dude.
Oh, hell, no. Con.
Got some girls coming to the after party?
No doubt, I'll bring the condoms, B,
I got you.
- Yeah, I'll be there, man.
- You ain't invited.
- Cool, I'll bring the chips.
- Hey, A-Con.
- How you doing, love? Love, you good?
- Good, looking good.
- You're looking better.
- Thank you.
- What up, ma?
- Get out of here!
Sorry, I'm taken.
Hey, ladies!
Yo! Hook a sister up.
- Don't look, don't look.
- At who?
My baby daddy, that's him over there.
Don't look.
I see you. How you doing?
Why don't you ask
how your son is doing?
That's a line you ain't tried in a while.
- Can I buy you a drink?
- You need to buy your baby something.
You right.
- Hey, bartender.
- Yeah.
Let me get a milk on the rocks,
and put it in a sippy cup.
- You got it.
- Oh, yeah...
...and a Patrn pineapple for my son.
- So, you wanna dance?
- No.
Come on, Charity.
You know you wanna dance with me.
That's all you ever wanna do,
is argue with me and dance with me.
Come on.
You so crazy.
I'll be back in, like, five minutes, okay?
One second.
Turn around!
So, what do you wanna drink?
I don't know.
You're the genius, remember?
You know everything.
I don't know everything.
Like I don't know how Jermaine Dupri
got with Janet Jackson.
And I don't know why porn stars pray.
It's pointless.
You know God's up there like...
I definitely don't know how Star Jones
didn't know her husband was gay.
I mean, he laughs like this.
You need to take care of your
responsibilities.
Yeah, but you still love me though,
right?
You right. You know what, boo?
I was thinking that we should have
another baby.
This is my song! Yes, yes!
I'm so happy! Yes, yes!
I'm so excited! Yeah!
Yes!
- Come on, let's dance.
- No, I really don't feel like dancing.
Come on. I wanna see you
dancing circles around me.
- Okay.
- Watch the body.
Let me show you how it's done.
Right.
- Where am I?
- Where are you?
- I don't know. Where am I?
- Where'd you go?
- Where did I go? I don't know.
- Seriously, though.
- Where are you?
- Here I am.
- Oh, hey. That was...
- Just magic.
Follow me.
Yeah. Step. Step.
- This is easy.
- Yes!
That's right, your boy A-Con
in the building right now.
Yeah, here we go, y'all. Bass drop!
Put your hands up
Put your hands up...
You got a $20 bill
Put your hands up...
You got a $50 bill
Put your hands up...
You got a $100 bill
Put your hands up...
Now give me all your goddamn money,
everybody, right now!
That's right, B!
Come on, that's right. Put it in there.
Trick or treat, smell my heat,
so me and my baby moms can eat.
Come on!
Hey. Yo, where y'all suckers going?
Well, well, well, if it isn't the Pied Piper
of short dancers.
We're ready to battle.
So you think you can dance?
Well, step up. Bring it on.
'Cause we,
we America's best dance crew.
Yeah!
Hey! What'd I tell you?
Like Michael Jackson's video!
- I lean, you catch me.
- Okay. Okay. All right.
I think y'all better roll bounce
before we stomp your yard.
And take honey here with you,
'cause she's coyote ugly.
You better be at the Streets.
We gonna be at the Streets, fam,
so y'all best be on yourjob.
Oh, we on ourjob. Let's roll, 409!
- What you gonna do?
- What'd I say?
Man!
Thomas, hang on!
Thomas, wait! Hold on a second.
- What was that back there?
- Believe me, you don't wanna know.
- Well, I had a great time tonight.
- I'm glad you liked the club.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- You got a ride?
No, I'm just gonna walk home.
No, no, no, no. There's too many
wannabe thugs around here.
- Yeah, I'll walk you.
- No, it's fine, I can protect myself.
I was actually hoping
you could protect me.
- You're serious.
- Yeah, I'm serious.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Don't worry about me.
Lil' man is packing.
Good night.
Do you have one of those?
- I had a really great time tonight.
- Yeah, me, too.
If you ever wanna, like,
hook up sometime...
...and work on your dance moves,
I'm totally, like, up for it.
- Well, yeah, that'd be great.
- Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
- All right. Thanks for the dance.
- No problem.
You have to teach me that one.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- See you.
- Bye.
My house is that way.
Are you gonna do your show tomorrow?
Don't have any more alcohol.
Don't you see what it's doing to you?
It's ruining your life. You're on the floor
with no shirt and tight pants.
Promise me you're not gonna have
any more alcohol.
I promise.
Don't have any more alcohol or else
I'm gonna disown you. Say you promise.
I don't have anyone.
What? What do you mean?
Of course you have me.
I don't have a little black boy.
That's true but that doesn't mean
you don't have me. So say you promise.
I promise.
All right. Let's warm up.
Okay, let's do this.
- Okay.
- Yeah, now you're getting it.
See, hip-hop is aggressive.
It's raw, so what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna invade your space...
...and then you invade mine back.
- It's like a battle. All right?
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
All right. So, I'm gonna guide you.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Your space, my space.
Your space, my... How's that feel?
- Good. Good.
- Good? All right.
'Cause I'm gonna let go
of the training wheels now, so...
- Really?
- Yeah, get ready.
- Okay.
- You got it. Feel it.
It's aggressive.
You gotta be aggressive towards me.
Okay.
Bitch, what's wrong with you?
You just gonna invade my space?
Don't invade my space!
You're gonna invade my... Knees!
Good.
Now what you gotta do
is learn how to back your shit up.
- You wanna try it again?
- No, no, no.
- All right.
- I'm good.
Very good. Very good.
So, that's it for today. Tomorrow
I'm gonna teach you how to do this.
Okay.
So, tell me, what's up
with you and A-Con?
I don't get why you guys hang out.
You're so different.
Look, me and him got into some stuff
a while ago. He got caught, I didn't.
But he never ratted me out,
so I owe him for that.
But don't you wanna be something
more than just a street thug?
I know you've got bigger dreams
than that. What do you wanna be?
I wanna be a doctor.
I bet you wanna work with kids,
don't you?
- No, vaginas.
- What?
I wanna be a vaginacologist.
They're all I think about.
Big ones, small ones, the cute ones
with the little Hitler mustaches on them.
Or how about the ones that are fat
like Jay-Z's lips?
But I gotta get into college first, so...
But what about you?
What does your mom think
about you dancing hip-hop?
My mom's dead.
Well, how come
you never talk about her?
What am I supposed to do?
Run around the school yelling about it?
If it helps.
My mom's dead!
She's dead! My mom's dead!
This book is so good.
- You like Thomas, don't you?
- No.
Well, he's okay, I guess.
He does have a nice smile,
beautiful skin and luscious lips.
But I love his big, fat...
Hey, hey, hey, girl! That is my brother.
What? I was just gonna say "butt. "
Well, you should see his...
Girl, I wonder who that could be.
I hate when people come by
unannounced. So tacky.
What do you want?
You know what I want, Charity.
I'm here to pick up my son.
Hey, son.
All right, I'm out.
I'll be back next week
to pick him up again.
He's such a good father.
Yes! I got in!
What is it? What's happened?
- Dr. Thomas Anderson!
- Let me see. Hold on.
"You and everyone else that applied
have been accepted...
"to Just Community College. "
Just Community College?
Just Community College!
That's great. You got in!
Congratulations!
That's great!
Megan, tonight I'm taking you out
to celebrate.
- Don't look.
- Okay.
- Stairs, there's stairs.
- Where?
- Right now.
- Okay.
- I'm so excited.
- I'm glad.
- Are you looking?
- No, I'm not looking.
- All right. Are you ready?
- Yes.
Surprise!
I'm sorry. I can't go in there.
What do you mean
you can't go in there?
- This is where I'm taking you.
- No.
Come on.
It's opening night. You're going.
She risked her life...
What a sacrifice...
Smashed by a truck
Last words were, "What the fuck?"
Momma's gone, momma's gone...
No more can you see her face...
Or hear her voice on the phone...
Your momma's dead, momma's dead
And she's never coming back...
Your momma's dead, momma's dead
That's right, she's never coming back...
You can wish...
She's never, never coming back...
You can cry...
She's never, she's never coming back...
Now go kill yourself...
That's right, she's never coming back...
Mom!
Encore! Encore!
- I thought you would've liked it.
- I did.
You wasn't acting like you did.
Wasn't even being loud.
I didn't hear you heckle once.
I'm sorry.
I don't want you to think I didn't have
a good time tonight, Thomas...
...but dancing
isn't a part of my life anymore.
Why not? You just woke up one day
and decided to waste your talent?
How do you know I have talent?
'Cause I danced at the club?
Because I saw the look on your face
when you did it, Megan.
It's the same look you had tonight.
It's the same exact look that you had...
It's the same... Mother...
Guys, can you quiet down here, please?
Can I talk to the girl?
Low self-esteem? Vulnerable?
Thank you.
- Like I was saying...
- Yeah.
I saw the look on your face
when you did it.
It's the same look you had tonight.
Goofy, happy, pale with freckles.
So, if you're gonna tell me something
about not dancing...
...then tell me something real.
Maybe I don't want it to be real.
What I want is to wake up
and see my mom.
For things to go back to the way
they were when life made sense.
And it's all my fault.
She got scraped off the highway for me.
For my damn audition.
- She was rushing, it was raining. I...
- Wait, it was raining?
Well, yeah,
but she promised she would be there.
I made her promise.
Damn! So, it was raining
and you still made her promise?
- Yeah, and then I didn't wait for her.
- That's messed up!
So, even if she didn't die,
she still would've been late?
I know I should've waited for her,
but they called my name and...
And then I didn't say anything.
So she would've got there
and been stuck outside.
That's what you're saying?
Well, technically, yeah,
but they called me.
You didn't put your mother's name
on the list? Are you kidding me?
Well, I had to go over my dance moves,
so I didn't have time to!
You didn't have time
for your own mother?
The person who gave birth to you.
You didn't have time for her?
- No, I... No, I...
- Okay.
No, I see what kind of party? This is.
Cry me a river.
All she wanted was for me to dance.
No. All she wanted was to live.
Not that she didn't support your dream.
It's just, the point is
you killed your mother.
And she's never coming back.
She's dead because of you!
God hates you, okay?
So, you not dancing
doesn't make any damn sense at all.
I know! But she...
I just don't think I
could do it without her.
Do you want this?
I mean,
do you really wanna go to Juilliard?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
Well, then, it's on you
to make your dream come true.
Oh, shit, black girls.
So what you're gonna wanna do
is make that left, go up three blocks...
- I don't know you, and...
- What are you...
- Thomas, what are you talking about?
- Sistahs! Yeah!
- So this is where you live?
- Yep, this is it.
Oh, my God!
This is my dad's music room.
He's actually pretty good,
if you like the buckets.
I don't.
He's working tonight,
so he's gonna be gone all night.
So that means we could probably
play the TV as loud as we want. Yeah!
There's a Blue's Clues marathon!
It's not working.
Well, I was thinking more like...
Make hotdogs?
Not exactly. Okay. More like...
Ice cream. Who has two thumbs
and wants ice cream? This guy.
No.
Charades. I like charades.
- All right, I'm good at this.
- Yes!
Yoga. You're doing yoga.
- Leap frog. Okay. You're riding a pony.
- Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah!
No, Thomas! Have sex!
Why didn't you say something?
Well, I'm a little shy.
Yo. Sugar Bear wants to see you.
Who's that scary-looking guy?
Who, him? That's nobody.
- Just an old friend, you know.
- Okay.
- We should all get together sometime.
- Yeah, great.
I'm just gonna go hang out.
Do some cardio. Read.
- Well, have fun.
- I will. I really...
Hey, yo, Thomas, they caught us, fam.
I don't know how they found you, though.
- I gotta go.
- Okay.
So, I'm gonna give you a call
around 9:11?
That's a little late, but that's okay.
And I also got us
some Police concert tickets.
Oh, my God, I love the Police!
I'm so excited!
There's a COPS marathon. COPS.
Love it, right?
- Okay, I'll TiVo it.
- Okay. Bye.
Bye!
You ain't got my dough yet?
You know how much bread,
how much cheddar...
...how much cake that is?
I want my chips!
Don't worry, man, we gonna have
your money for you, Sug.
- When?
- Soon as possible, fam.
Well, that ain't good enough.
There's a dance battle coming up,
and I suggest you win.
- What if we lose?
- No!
No! No!
And I am telling you...
My belly's growling...
I like glazed ham, pig feet and toes...
The Biggest Loser, I say no...
Give me mo, mo, mo, mo steaks...
Chicken and ribs, too...
I'm not living without food...
I don't wanna be no Nicole Richie...
Chips by the mountain
Soda pop from the spout...
You can say what you wanna
I'm not working out...
Fry me some chicken, strike up the grill...
'Cause you're gonna feed me...
That's right, you will, yes...
I am smelling food...
I'm so hungry...
Smucker's is the best jam
I've ever known...
And you, and you, and you...
You're gonna feed me...
Feed me...
Feed...
Me...
Be aggressive, guys! Let's score!
Excuse me!
Come on, let's get that basket!
Why do they call you nappy?
I don't understand it.
Why don't you "D" up on her?
You know, maybe if you weren't so tired
from having sex with Thomas...
...maybe you could guard her.
How do you know
I had sex with Thomas?
Who's the ho now?
- Give that back!
- No!
You are going down, Twiggy!
You bow-legged bitch!
Break it up! Break it up! Get off of her!
What are you doing?
I am not gonna have two nubile,
sweaty teens fighting like that...
...making me moist in my own gym!
Do you understand?
If you've got a beef to settle,
we're gonna settle it my way. Got it?
Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
- Get her!
- Come on! Get that ass!
- Grab it!
- You want some of this?
I'm gonna make it rain
on these hoes! Yeah!
Show me what you got!
Let me see some ass!
What is wrong with you guys?
Do you know what's at stake here?
We're talking state championships!
Hey! Stand up, Weiner!
You're not looking polished, Knob!
You gotta play hard, Cockran!
Headd! You gotta give me some!
Don't you guys wanna know
what it feels like to be winners?
To be 10 men,
holding each other after a big victory?
Standing naked in the showers...
...screaming at the top of your lungs,
foam flying?
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Now, that is the spirit, son!
Now, the rest of you,
get your head in the game!
Let's go!
So, how did he catch it?
Probably one of them kids at school.
You know kids.
I told him to wear a condom,
but does he listen to me? No.
Just like his damn daddy.
Now you sit there and let it itch.
So, I heard about the fight.
Yeah. It was all Nora's fault.
It was all Nora's fault?
You didn't have anything to do with it?
No! She's just jealous of me
and Thomas.
Well, what do you expect?
It is hard out there for a white girl.
It used to be that y'all just show up
and bat your eyes...
...and the brothers would come running.
But now, the competition is fierce.
You see, girl, first
it was J. Lo with Puffy.
She opened the door
for every Latina this side of the border.
Then it was Kimora Lee Simmons
leading a dojo ofAsian bitches.
And now, we got Kim Kardashian...
...and her big, Armenian ass
pulling brothers right and left.
So, what is a rich white girl
supposed to do?
The last thing she needs is you coming
in here with your blonde hair...
...your perky breasts,
and a little bit of rhythm...
...taking the last sellout brother left.
You think that Nora
is the only oppressed white girl?
Well, I'll have you know,
I have paid my dues.
Excuse me, miss?
Have you been drinking?
- Nope.
- Ma'am, step out of the car.
The damage isn't that bad.
Ma'am, I'm gonna have
to have you blow into this tube.
Ma'am, I meant this tube.
It's a lot bigger.
Ma'am, I'm gonna have to take you in.
Time's up, Miss White.
You're free to go.
Hope you learned your lesson.
What took you so long?
Your flashback was longer
than your time in County...
...and that don't make you one of us.
I thought we were friends.
What do you mean, we're not gonna pay
Sugar Bear back his money?
'Cause I'm tired of Sugar Bear
always trying to punk us, B.
What type of self-respecting thug
pays back a debt?
So, what are you gonna do
when he comes after us?
He ain't coming after us.
We gonna get him first.
- Meet me under the bridge tonight, 8:00.
- No.
- Bitch.
- Okay.
There's something I need to tell you.
You're pregnant? Oh, no.
What? No, Thomas, I'm not pregnant.
Good, 'cause with your big head
and my ears, God only knows.
No, I'm performing
at the senior showcase...
...and then, who knows, maybe Juilliard.
That's great!
And I was kind of thinking, you know...
...maybe we should just kind of cool it
for a while.
What do you mean?
I'm saying I think we need
to take a break.
Break, definitely,
yeah, we should definitely take a break.
How long you need, like,
We actually should synchronize
our watches...
- So we can meet up...
- No, Thomas. I need space.
Okay. Space. Space is good.
That's enough space?
Thomas, we're done.
Definitely. This has been
a long rehearsal, very tough.
Thomas, I'm leaving you!
I don't wanna be
your girlfriend anymore!
We spend more time
defending our relationship...
...than actually having one!
Nobody wants to see us together.
Not my friends and not yours.
I'm saying it's over.
Fine.
- Fine, leave! Get out!
- Sorry! I'm sorry!
God has put you in my path
and I aim to keep you!
I'm making steaks for dinner
and I expect you to stay.
Megan!
So, here's my number. You just call me.
You married?
That's sexy. I'll talk to you later.
Oh, shit.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can we talk?
Can we talk, Charity?
I just want to let you know, from now on,
things are gonna be different.
I don't wanna be the kind of father...
...that his kid only sees him
on the weekends.
That's not the kind of life I want
for my son. My son!
- You don't even know his name.
- It doesn't matter!
Maury said it was a 99.9% chance
that he is mine!
And I'm gonna honor that!
Anyway, I want my kid to wake up
every morning and see my face.
Here, put this in his room.
I'm out.
Hey, sup, man, I gotta talk to you.
- I ain't going with you.
- What you mean you not going with me?
I mean this shit is dangerous!
Of course it's dangerous, it's a drive-by!
But we can get the money.
All we have to do is battle the 409s
at the Streets tonight...
...pay Sugar Bear back, and we're good.
Nigger, did you wear a pink shirt
to a drive-by?
It brings out my eyes.
Look, if you walk away from this,
I'll walk away with you.
Walk away from what?
I'm not you, Thomas.
I can't go to Just Community College
like you...
...be a doctor,
operating on people and shit.
Yes, you can, man!
If I can do it, you can do it!
Not with these hands!
I got guns for hands!
They call me
Edward Triggerhands, fam.
For me, it's all about respect.
A- Con...
Are you wearing the elastic
I asked you to wear?
Keep your chins up.
You're never gonna be a Nora.
Have a good show.
Yes, this is she.
Hey, Charity. Where's Thomas?
The last time I heard,
he and A-Con went after Sugar Bear.
- What?
- Yeah, well, they owe him $5,000
...and they can't come up with the money.
There has to be another way.
Well, if he had a crew,
he could've battled at the Streets...
...and possibly won the money back,
but where we gonna find a crew?
Hey, guys! Thomas is in trouble
and he needs our help.
There's a battle at the Streets tonight
and he needs a crew.
So, what are you saying?
You want to start a crew?
Yeah!
And who's gonna be in this "crew?"
Well, maybe you don't wanna step out
of your perfect world...
...but there's a lot going on
under the radar at Musical High.
Take sweet little Tracy, for example.
She has really bad hair.
Tyler has a horrible smile!
And what about you, Nora?
I mean, everybody knows
that you're the best dancer in school.
Let's do this!
What about the showcase?
The 409 Crew coming up, y'all!
It's that time, y'all.
Now, I believe that our distinguished
panel of random extras...
...have made their decision.
May I have the envelope, please?
Man.
And for all you people
at home watching...
I am wearing all yellow.
This is a tight moment.
Tighter than the button on my suit.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a winner!
- The winner is...
- Hey, yo, Truck!
- What do you want, punk?
- Hey, hey. Hey, now.
I wanna battle! Me and you, one on one.
That's not how it goes.
You have to have a crew to battle.
- Says who?
- It's a written law of the Streets.
Says it right there.
"No dance battling without a crew. "
- And you don't have a crew.
- Oh, yes, he does.
Megan? What are you doing here?
Oh, no, this for street dancers only.
They're not street dancers.
We gonna do it
just like we do it on the Streets.
Now the baddest man hit my hand.
Now you've been challenged.
Do you accept?
- Let's do this.
- All right.
Then it's gonna be the 409 Crew versus,
what's your name, young man?
- Thomas Uncles.
- The Uncle Toms!
Show your love!
Let's go, 409, let's go!
Uncle Toms, assemble!
We got this.
Hey, wait a minute, I thought only
the good guys get to go in slow motion?
- Hey, yo, Thomas.
- A-Con!
What's up?
Wait, what happened with Sugar Bear?
Mr. Stache took care of that, man.
We good.
Now let's serve these suckers, B.
Everybody huddle up.
Hold on, man!
Yo, how we gonna compete
with these guys with these guys?
We got this, A-Con.
All right, everybody.
You just do what you do best, okay?
Let's do this!
- What's going on?
- I don't think I can do this.
Remember the routine you used to do
at the club?
Do that and you'll be great.
Okay.
I didn't mean that club.
That's my girl!
What's this?
Yeah!
Nigger! Did you wear tight ass shorts
and skates to a battle?
Yeah. So did you.
Oh, yeah. And it worked for T.I.
In ATL, right?
What up, dawg!
Wee!
Stop weeing!
Yeah! What!
Yeah!
They did their thing tonight!
And the judges have made
their decision.
And the winner is...
- A tie?
- What?
Oh, hell, no!
Y'all can't do this to these kids!
What y'all want to see?
Y'all want to see them battle it out?
All right. We gonna do this
the Stache way.
Each crew gets one move, no rules,
and the audience will decide.
Let's get it on!
Let's go. They got one move left,
and we know what that is.
Three, four, five, six, seven.
- What are they doing?
- Stealing our move, man!
I'm stealing your shit!
Now what?
Yo, that's not fair. You stole our move!
That's true.
But you still got one move left.
Sugar Bear?
I came here to get my bread,
my chips, my cheese.
- Here you go.
- I'm talking about my money, bitch.
Don't get cute.
All right, fat boy, let's see what you got.
I'm about to get in your ass!
Am I still cute?
I look like a black Gumby?
Uncle Toms! Uncle Toms!
Uncle Toms! Uncle Toms!
And the crowd has spoken!
The winner of this year's
Battle of the Streets and $5,000
...goes to the Uncle Toms!
Yeah! Show your love!
Now that's a battle right there!
That's what I'm talking about!
- Good work, guys!
- Hey!
Hey!
That was really wild,
what you did out there.
Thanks. I couldn't let you go out there
and risk your future.
Oh, my gosh, Megan!
Megan, congratulations, girl!
Thanks, Charity.
By the way,
I brought somebody with me.
- Well, now, that certainly was different.
- I guess it was.
So, you and your entire crew
missed the senior showcase for this?
Ever since I started hanging out
with these guys, I've learned a lesson.
Some things are more important
than going to college...
...or getting a high-paying job...
...or inventing something
that could save the lives of millions.
It's something we like to call respect.
And you only get it here, in the Streets.
Yeah!
Well, this might surprise you...
...but I know a little something
about the hip-hop.
What you know about hip-hop?
Well, back in the day, I happened to be
one of the best beatboxers around.
- Is that right?
- Yeah!
- Well, why don't you kick a beat then?
- All right.
That beat is hot.
But her lips ain't moving.
- Oh, yes, they are.
- Yo!
We like to party...
We don't cause trouble
We don't bother nobody...
We're just some men that's on the mic...
And when we rock upon the mic
We rock the mic right...
I am a human beatbox...
Hold onto me.
What's the matter, Thomas?
- You think you know me?
- Yes.
Then you need to see me in the light.
Are you afraid?
No. I'm not afraid.
You should be.
- Aren't you even a little scared?
- No. More disappointed than anything.
You just turned around
with glitter on your face.
- You don't even have fangs.
- Let's dance.
- Now you're dancing.
- At prom. And next year, at Juilliard.
Thomas, why didn't you take me
when you had the chance?
You don't know what you're saying.
You don't really want this.
It will change your life.
Besides, you know what they say.
Once you go black, you never go back?
No. You shouldn't do it until you're
with the one you'll be with forever.
I dream of being with you forever.
- So you really want this?
- Yes. Give it to me right now.
You're gonna live a long
and happy life with me.
Oh, shit, white guys.
So, what you're gonna do
is leave the car up front.
Here are the keys.
It's the one blasting Coldplay.
Don't steal anything, okay? Scurry on.