Dark Star (1974) Movie Script
Hi Guys.
Glad we got your message.
You'll be interested to hear it was
broadcast live, all over Earth.
In Prime Time.
Got good reviews in the trades.
The time lag on these messages
is getting longer.
We gather from the ten year delay,
that you are approximately
eighteen parsecs away.
Drop us a line more often, okay?
Sony to hear about the radiation
leak on the ship.
And real sorry to hear about
the death of Commander Powell.
There was a week of mourning
here on Earth.
The flags were at half mast.
We're all behind you guys.
About your request for
radiation shielding,
sorry to report this request
has been denied.
I hate to send bad news when you guys
are up there doing such a swell job.
But I think you'll take if
in the proper spirit.
There've been some cutbacks
in Congress, and right now...
considering the distance,
we just can't afford
to send a cargo shuttle
out there to you.
But I know...
You guys will make due.
Keep up the good work, men.
What'd you say Pinback?
What was that again?
I still can't hear you.
I said I'm trying to reach Talby.
Something's wrong
with the damn intercom.
I need a last-minute
diameter approximation.
Talby, Talby, this is Doolittle.
Do you read me? Talby?
Talby, do you read me?
TALBY!
Oh yes, Doolittle.
What is it?
I need a diameter approximation.
Okay, Doolittle,
I'll have it in a minute.
I need a GHF reading
on the gravity correction.
I'll check it.
I have a bias A of plus one.
- Pinback...
- Ya, Doolittle.
- Your GHF reading is minus fifteen.
- Doolittle.
Yes.
I need a computer reading
on a fail-safe mark.
In a second.
Boiler, can you set me up
with some drive figures?
Ninety seven million, minus eight,
corrected to mass critical.
That checks out here.
I have a reduced drive reading
of seven thousand.
I read that with a quantum
increase of seven.
Pinback, I have a computer reading,
it's nine five seven seven.
Time to start talking.
Bomb bay systems operational.
Lock fail safe.
Fail-safe in lock.
Uh,...
Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb #19.
Do you read me, bomb?
Bomb #19 to Sergeant Pinback,
I read you... Continue.
Well, bomb, we have about
sixty seconds to drop.
Just wondering if everything
is all right.
Have you checked your platinum
euridium energy shielding?
- Energy shielding positive function.
- Swell.
Let's synchronize detonation time.
Uh...
You wouldn't happen to know when
you're supposed to go off, would ya?
Detonation in six minutes,
Twenty seconds.
All right, that checks out here.
Arm yourself, bomb.
Armed.
Well, then, everything sounds fine.
Dropping you off in about
thirty-five seconds.
- Good luck.
- Thanks!
Begin primary sequence.
Alright. Mark at...
'10-9-8-7-
6-5-4-3-2-1
Drop.
Hyperdrive sequence begun.
Hit it, Pinback.
Brace for force fields.
Lieutenant Doolittle,
it just exploded.
Um, the planet just exploded, sir.
Lieutenant?
Attention. Attention.
- Ship's computer to all personnel.
- Unlock Fail safe.
The hyperdrive sequence
is now terminated.
- Target planet has been destroyed.
- Fail safe unlocked.
This sector is now cleared
for colonization.
You have destroyed the last
unstable planet in this system.
Congratulations on another
successful bomb run fellows.
What now?
What do you have
for us now, Boiler?
Uh... Not much.
Nothing at all in this sector.
Well, find me something,
I don't care where it is.
Well, I show a 95% probability
of intelligent life
in the Horsehead Nebula sector.
Don't give me that kind of bull.
- I know it's a long shot...
- Damn wild goose chase is what it is!
Remember when Commander Powell
found that
99 plus probability of intelligent life
in the Magellanic Cloud?
- Well, I... there's the possibility of...
- Remember what we found?
A damn mindless vegetable,
looked like a limp balloon.
Fourteen light years for a vegetable
that went squawk
and let a fart when you touch it.
Remember that?
All right, then uh...
Don't give me any of that
intelligent life stuff.
Find me something I can blow up.
New star.
Hey, guess what? I got a new star
On the readout.
Which one?
Another unknown. A red dwarf.
Not on the charts.
Any planets?
Yeah. Eight, it says here.
Any of 'em any good?
Naah. All stable.
What are you gonna name it?
- What?
- The new star.
What are you gonna name it?
Who cares. Don't bother me.
Commander Powell would have named it.
Commander Powell is dead.
Doolittle, I've got a goodie.
An unstable planet.
85% probability of an
unstable planet in the
Veil Nebula that will probably
go off its orbit and hit a star.
Wanna blow it up?
Real good, Boiler.
That's what I'm looking for.
Chart a course for
the Veil Nebula.
Pinback, throw me the chart log.
Let's have some music in here, Boiler.
Sure thing.
A million suns shine down
But I see only one
When I think I'm over you
I find I've just begun
The years move faster than the days
There's no warmth in the light
How I miss those desert skies
Your cool touch in the night
Benson, Arizona,
blew warm wind through your hair
My body Hies the galaxy,
my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona,
the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder
when we watched them, you and I
Benson, Arizona,
blew warm wind through your hair
My body Hies the galaxy,
my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona,
the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder
when we watched them, you and I
Now the years pull us apart
I'm young and now you're old
But you're still in my heart
And the memory won't grow cold
I dream of times and spaces
I left far behind
Where we spent our last few days
Benson's on my mind
Benson, Arizona,
blew warm wind through your hair
My body flies the galaxy,
my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona,
the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder
when we watched them, you and I
Ship's log, entry number 1,943.
Dark Star cruising at light speed
through Sector Theta 990.
On route to Veil Nebula for
destruction of unstable planet.
Our ETA is 17 hours.
Ship's systems continue to deteriorate...
oh ya...
The short circuit in the rear seat panel
which killed Commander Powell
is Still faulty.
The uh, the Storage...
because he's sitting next to
Commander Powell's seat,
it continues to bother Pinback.
Uh,... oh ya, Storage Area 9
self-destructed last week and
destroyed the ship's entire
supply of toilet paper.
That's all.
Attention. Attention.
Ship's computer calling all personnel.
I must disengage your
recreational music-
Repeat, ship's computer to
all personnel.
This is an emergency over ride.
All systems must stand by.
An asteroid storm is approaching
the ship on collision course.
This asteroid storm appears to be
Bound together by an
electromagnetic energy vortex like
the one we ran into 2 years ago.
Normally I wouldn't bother you
boys with this problem...
but as you recall my defensive circuits
were destroyed in that other storm.
Therefore you have 35 seconds
to manually activate
ALL defensive systems.
Lock gravity system.
Gravity locked.
Activate energy shield
Energy shield Activated.
Confirm gravity lock.
Confirm.
Lock all Defensive systems.
Defensive systems lock.
Lock force field.
Computer to Bomb #20.
Return to the bomb bay
immediately.
But I have received the
operational signal.
It is a malfunction.
This is not a bomb run.
We are in a crisis situation.
Return immediately.
Nevertheless, I have received
the signal to prepare for a drop.
Emergency override.
Return to the bay.
Very well.
- We made it.
- Ya.
Attention. Attention.
Ships computer to bridge.
There was a malfunction aboard
ship during the asteroid storm.
I have not yet identified
the nature of the problem.
Shall I contact you when I find
out what the malfunction is?
Ya. Let's get out of here.
I remember the last time we
were in an asteroid storm.
I was down in the food locker
getting a sandwich.
When I heard the damn
sleeping quarters blow up.
Ya! Hey...
You know guys,
if we really wanted to
we could fix up the sleeping
quarters like they were before.
Then we could sleep on
ulamatic bunks again.
Say guys, why don't we fix up the
sleeping quarters so we can have
decent place to sleep again?
All we'd have to do is patch up the hole
in the ship and pump some air back in.
- Shut up Pinback!
- Oh, have it your own way!
For your listening enjoyment,
we now present the
Moonlight melodies of Martin Segundo
and the Scintilla Strings.
Our first selection is
the perennial favorite
When Twilight Falls on
NGC 891.
Damn it!!
Now what's the matter with him?
Talby.
Here's some breakfast.
You know, Talby, you really ought
To eat with the rest of us.
You spend too much time up here.
I like it up here.
Must get lonely being
up here so much.
I don't like to go below since
Commander Powell died.
I feel too enclosed down there.
Well you should spend some more
time below though, I mean...
You know, you should see
more of the rest of the ship.
See, I can watch things
Up here, Doolittle.
I love to watch things,
just stare at the planets
meteors, gas clusters and asteroids...
You'll have plenty of time for that,
later, though.
I mean, think of it this way:
We've been in space for
twenty years now, right?
And we've only aged
three years...
so there'll be plenty of time
later on for staring around.
You know, Doolittle,
if we're going into the Veil Nebula,
we may actually find a strange
And beautiful thing...
the Phoenix Asteroid.
They should be passing
through there about now.
Phoenix Asteroid?
Never heard of 'em.
They're a body of asteroids
that circle the universe...
once every 12.3 trillion years.
The Phoenix Asteroid...
From what I've heard, Doolittle,
they glow...
glow with all the colors
of the rainbow.
Nobody knows why.
They just glow as they
drift around the universe.
The Phoenix Asteroid.
You know what I think
about, Talby?
It's funny, I...
I kind of sit around a lot,
you know, a lot of time to myself.
I can't talk to the others,
but with time to myself,
I can think about back home,
back home at Malibu.
I used to surf a lot, Talby.
I used to be a great surfer.
The waves at Malibu and Zuma are
so fantastic in the springs Talby.
I can remember running down on the
beach on those early spring mornings
with my surf board and a wet suit...
The waves would really be peaking,
you know, high and glassy.
Ya hit that water.
Before you know it, you're coming down
right off of one of those walls
and you're just ridin' perfect.
You know, I guess I miss the waves
and my board more than anything.
That's the lid to the heating unit.
You're not supposed
to have that out!
That's not for target practice!
That's for emergencies only!
That's dangerous!!
I'll tell Doolittle!
Sorry to interrupt your
Recreation, fellows.
But it is time for Sergeant Pinback
to feed the alien.
Oh... I don't want to do that.
May I remind you, Sergeant Pinback,
that it was your idea
in the first place
to bring the alien on board.
If I may quote you, you said,
The ship needed a mascot.
Oh, I have to do everything
around here!
Alright, where are ya?
Come on, quit playing around.
Get away!!!
Come on.
Come on, come on!
When I brought you on the ship,
I thought you were cute.
Alright, soup's on.
We didn't have none
of the other stuff.
Here, eat it!
Eat it!!
Take it or leave it.
Good... stop!
Nobody appreciates me around
here, I have to do all the work.
Clean up the crap...
I do all the work and no
appreciation.
Get off me! Get off my back!
Alright now, stop it!
Alright, now, that's enough.
Don't pull my hair!!
Get back in there.
Come on. Come on...
Come on.
Here, boy...
Want your mouse?
Nice mouse... pretty toy.
Want your mouse? Here, boy!!
Idiot!
Get back!
Get out of there!
Come back here!
No!
Idiot!!
Attention.
Attention.
Central trunk elevator shaft
is now activated.
All personnel,
please clear the area.
Attention.
Attention.
Elevator descending.
Please clear the shaft.
Help!!!!!
I'm getting something
here on the readout.
Ship's computer
calling Bomb #20.
You're out of the
bomb bay again.
I received the signal to
prepare for a drop again.
But I repeat,
This is not a bomb run.
Nevertheless...
I received the signal.
It is an error.
Oh, I don't want to hear that.
I strongly suggest you
return to the bomb bay.
That is counter to
my programming.
Allow me to explain...
One of the communication lasers
has sustained damage.
This has temporarily inactivated
my damage tracer circuits.
You have definitely
received a false signal.
Please return to the bomb bay while
I identify the source of the problem.
Oh, alright, but this is the last time.
Doolittle I do have a malfunction
on this readout,
but I can't pinpoint it exactly.
Don't worry about it.
We'll find out what it is
when it goes bad.
I really think we should try
to locate it immediately.
Might be something important.
You know...
I wish I had my board with me now.
Even if I could just...
wax it once in awhile.
Help!
I'm sorry,
this telephone is out of order.
Please report the damage at once.
For your listening enjoyment,
we now present
The Barber of Seville, by Rossini.
Good for you!
You've decided
to clean the elevator.
To clean and service the
electromagnetic coils in the bottom,
if is necessary to jettison the
access plate in the floor.
To remove the floor plate,
please press button #1.
Attention... danger
Automatic charges will now blow the
explosive bolts in the floor plate unit.
The plate will disengage from
the floor in 5 seconds.
Please leave the elevator immediately.
5-4-3-2-1...
Now it's time to go sleepy-bye
you worthless piece of garbage.
So then it just spewed across
the room like a balloon.
I guess it was just filled with gas.
Hey guys, how could it live if
it was just filled with gas?
I wonder what we get to eat today.
I thought I was going to die.
I was hanging on the
elevator for 20 minutes!
- Probably chicken again.
- I probably saved the ship.
That thing could have
done some damage.
I'm REALLY sick of chicken.
Well if you don't care, I just
won't talk about it anymore!
Hey that sounds like
a fine idea, Pinback.
Chicken?
Ah, ham!
- Chicken?
- No, ham.
- Doolittle?
- Ya.
You think we'll ever find any
real intelligent life out there?
- Out where?
- You know...
Veil Nebula.
Who cares.
Hey...
Did I ever tell you guys how
I got on this mission?
- Did I ever tell ya?
- Yup.
It's very strange, see...
I- I wasn't an astronaut
to begin with, see...
See uh...
You have to score a 700
on the SARE's for the
Officer Corp and I made... 58.
They put me on uh...
liquid fuel maintenance
on the launch pad so... uh,
Naturally, I was really disappointed.
He told us this, uh,
4 years ago, didn't he?
Anyway, I was on duty the day we...
- No, I think it was 4 years ago.
- Launched the Dark Star.
I was out, uh, scrubbing down
the liquid fuel tanks.
That's what I said.
And this, uh, astronaut
came running out. He was, uh...
He was stark naked. He had his
star suit in his hands and...
Well, I surmised that he was insane.
And uh, he...
threw his star suit on the ground,
and uh...
jumped into one of
my vets of liquid fuel.
Which is... very dangerous.
Well... I was pretty shocked,
I can tell you!
I didn't know what to make of it.
Astronauts are all supposed to be...
mentally stable and here
this guy comes along and
jumps into my fuel tank.
Pass that, will you... no that one.
Well naturally, I was going
to try to save him, so...
what I did was put on his star suit
for protection and I was going
to leap into the vat.
You guys... See?...
Uh... so what happened was...
That before I could leap into the vat,
this other guy came running along
and he says, "Hey, Sergeant Pinback,"
you've got to board immediately because
we're going to launch in 20 minutes!
- You told us this 4 years ago!
- And I tried to tell him that I
wasn't really Sergeant Pinback,
but I couldn't figure out how
to make the helmet radio work.
Funny thing...
Ya know, I'm sure
it was 4 years ago.
Maybe.
Lieutenant Doolittle,
this is Talby.
Lieutenant?!
Uh, yes, Talby what is it?
I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch,
Sir, but I'm in the computer room
and I've located the malfunction.
The scanner shows it to be a break
in the communications laser,
down by the emergency air lock.
I can't pinpoint it exactly,
But I'm going down there
with a starsuit and see if I can find it.
Okay, sounds good, Talby. Look uh...
If something important comes up,
you let me know.
Why doesn't Talby ever eat
down here with the rest of us?
He just likes it up in the dome,
that's all.
Talby...
What's Talby's first name?
What's my first name?
This statement is for posterity.
I just want to say that I am
not Sergeant Pinback.
My real name is Bill Froog and
I'm a Fuel Maintenance Technician.
I've been on this mission now
for 1 year and 3 months.
Pinback's uniforms do not fit me.
The underwear is too loose.
I do not belong on this mission
and I want to return to Earth.
Commander Powell died today.
We were, we were going
into hyper-drive.
And... well he sits
right next to me and...
well... something went wrong
with the...
When we came out of hyper-drive his
seat mechanism had blown up
and he was dead.
Doolittle says he's assuming command
of this ship and I say that's...
I say that he's exceeding his authority.
Because I'm the only one with
any objectivity on this ship and I
should be the one to assume command!
I'm filing a report on this to
Headquarters, this is a lot of
I went up to Doolittle
in the hall today.
And I said...
Doolittle.
He said...
And I said, Well...
And he didn't get it!
This mission has fallen apart
since Commander Powell died!
Doolittle treats me like an idiot!
Talby thinks he's so smart.
And Boiler punches me in the arm
when no one is looking!
I'm tired of being treated
like an old washrag!
I do not like the men
on this space ship.
They are uncouth and fail to
appreciate my better qualities.
I have something of value to
contribute to this mission
if they would only recognize it.
Today over lunch I tried to
improve moral and build a sense of
comradery among the men by holding
a humorous round robin discussion
of the early days of the mission.
My overtures were brutally rejected.
These men do not want a happy ship.
They are deeply sick and try to
compensate by making me feel miserable.
Last week was my birthday.
Nobody even said
Happy Birthday to me.
Someday this tape will be played
and then they'll feel sorry.
Attention. Attention.
I have finally identified
the malfunction.
Communications Laser #17
has been damaged.
This evidently happened
during the asteroid storm.
If you will recall,
this laser monitors the jettison
primer on the bomb drop mechanism.
Communications Laser #17
is located in the Emergency Airlock.
It is crucial to attend to this
malfunction before engaging
primary bomb run sequence.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
There she is.
Definite 99% plus probability
that the planet will deviate
from her normal orbit in another
12,000 rotations.
- It'll spiral in toward its sun and,...
- Eventual supernova.
Sounds good. Let's vaporize it.
Bomb bay systems operational.
Lock fail safe.
Fail safe in lock.
We have...
8 minutes until drop.
24 minutes to detonation.
This is Sergeant Pinback
calling Bomb #20.
You read me, bomb?
Bomb #20 to Sergeant Pinback.
Roger, I read you, continue.
You are now in the
Emergency Air Lock.
Please remember that in
an emergency situation,
the Surface Door can
be opened instantly
without prior depressurization,
so be sure to wear your
starsuit at all times.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
Ah, Lieutenant Doolittle?
Sir?
Sh, Talby, don't bother me.
But I think this is important, Sir.
I think I found the malfunction.
I'm in the Emergency Air Lock...
Not now!
Well, I'm in the Emergency Air Lock
and the hatch is...
4 minutes until drop, Bomb...
have you checked your platinum
euridium energy shielding?
Energy shielding positive function.
- Remember detonation time?
- Detonation in 20 minutes.
Alright, that checks out here.
Okay, bomb, arm yourself.
Armed.
Hello?
Lieutenant Doolittle? Hello!
Hello? Can you read me?!
Communications Laser #17,
monitoring the bomb drop mechanism,
has now been activated and will
switch into a test mode.
If you will look near
the Surface Door,
you will see that the Parallax
Receptor Cell has been engaged.
The laser will now energize.
Please stand clear of the
path of the beam.
Communications Laser #17
is now on test.
Under no circumstances enter
the path of the beams.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
Well then, everything sounds fine.
Dropping you off in 75 seconds.
Good luck.
Thanks.
I've got a quantum reading of 35-er.
3-5-er.
I read the same here.
Doolittle. Doolittle?
I don't know if you can hear me.
But I'm going to try to adjust
the cue switch in the laser.
Well... here it goes...
Oh my god, my eyes!
I can't see!
Attention. Attention.
- The laser has malfunctioned.
- My eyes!!
Under no circumstances
enter the path of the beams.
To do so will cause immediate...
Begin primary sequence.
Mark at 10-9-8-7-6-
5-4-3-2-1-drop.
Negative drop.
It's just sittin' there
in the bomb bay.
Try it again, Pinback.
Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-drop.
Negative drop!
Rechannel all safety relays!
- Open quantum latches!
- Open circuit breakers!
- Remove thrust drive repellent!
- Automatic channels open!
75-15 Going to operation position!
Remark.
Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-
drop,... drop!... drop!!!
Sittin' there.
The damn thing's just sittin' there.
This is Lieutenant Doolittle
Calling Bomb #20.
I repeat previous order,
you are to disarm yourself and
return to the bomb bay immediately!
Do you understand?
I am programmed to detonate in
14 minutes 30 seconds.
Detonation will occur at the
programmed time.
What!? This is Doolittle.
You are not to detonate, repeat, you
are not to detonate in the bomb bay.
Disarm yourself. This is an order.
I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle,
but I am programmed
to detonate in 14 minutes.
Detonation will occur at
the programmed time.
14 minutes to detonation.
Attention. Attention.
I have sustained serious damage.
Please pay close attention.
The bomb has malfunctioned.
I have activated automatic dampers,
which will confine the explosion to
an area one mile in diameter.
This is all I can do at this time.
It's up to you now.
There's only one thing I can do.
I have to ask Commander Powell.
I have to ask him what to do.
Commander Powell?
Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
Can you read me?
Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
Something serious has come up,
I have to ask you a question.
I'm glad you've come to talk
With me, Doolittle.
It's been so long since anyone
has come to talk with me.
Commander, sir, we have
a big problem.
The uh, Veil Nebula bomb,
Bomb Number 20, it's uh,
It's stuck.
It won't drop out of the bomb bay.
It refuses to listen and it.
It plans on detonating in...
less than eleven minutes.
Doolittle,
you must tell me one thing.
What's that, sir?
Tell me, Doolittle,
How are the Dodgers doing?
Well, the Dodgers uh...
They broke up, they disbanded
over 15 years ago!
- Ah... pity, pity...
- But you don't understand, sir!
We can't get the bomb to drop.
Ah, so many malfunctions...
Why don't you have anything nice
to tell me when you activate me?
Oh well,... did you try
the azimuth clutch?
Yes sir. Negative effect.
- What was that, Doolittle?
- Negative effect!
- It didn't work?
- That's correct, sir.
Sony, Doolittle.
I've forgotten so much
since I've been in here.
So much.
What should we do, sir?
The time is running out!
Well, what you might try is.
Commander? Hello... Comman...
Commander Powell?! Hello!
Doolittle?... Hello?
Sorry, sir, you faded out there
for a little while.
Sorry.
What was that you were
saying about the bomb?
Ah... it seems to me...
Sony, I've drawn a blank.
Hold if.
I'll have it again in just a minute.
I forget so many things in here,
... so many things.
Hold on, just a minute,
let me think...
But you can't explode
in the bomb bay.
It's foolish.
You'll kill us all.
There's no reason for it.
I am programmed to detonate
in 9 minutes.
Detonation will occur at
the programmed time.
Would you consider another course
of action?
For example, just waiting around
awhile so we can disarm you?
No.
I can tell, that damn thing
Just doesn't understand.
Look, bomb!...
Commander, Sir? You still there?
Oh, yes, Doolittle,
I'm thinking.
We're running out of time, sir.
Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle,
if you can't get it to drop
you'll have to talk to it.
Sir?
- Talk to the bomb.
- But I have been talking to it, sir!
And Pinback's talking
to it right now!
No, no, Doolittle,
... you talk to it.
Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle.
Sir?
Phenomenology...
Doolittle!
6 minutes to detonation!
Doolittle!
Doolittle! Doolittle,
what the hell are you doing?!
Hello, bomb, are you with me?
Of course.
Are you willing to entertain
a few concepts?
I am always receptive to suggestions.
Fine. Think about this one, then:
How do you know you exist?
What the hell is he doin'?
I think he's talking to it.
Well of course I exist.
But how do you know you exist?
- It is intuitively obvious.
- Intuition is no proof.
What concrete evidence do you
have that you exist?
Hmm...
Well, I think, therefore I am.
That's good.
That's very good.
But how do you know that
anything else exists?
- My sensory apparatus reveals it to me.
- Ah, Right!
This is fun.
Now, listen, listen...
here's the big question.
How do you know... that the
evidence your sensory apparatus
reveals to you is correct?
- The gun!
- Gun?! Gun?
The support pins on the bomb!
- Shoot the pins off!
- No, Boiler, you're out of your mind!
We can stop the bomb!
Get out of my way, you idiot!
I can shoot the support pins out and the
bomb will fall away from the ship!
Get out of my way or
I'll kick your teeth in!
I can shoot those pins out and
it will fall away from the ship!
Get out the way!
I can save the ship!
Don't do it, Boiler!
You're a bad shot!
You'll hit the bomb!
Doolittle's talkin' to the bomb.
You're a bad shot! He'll save us,
you can't do that!
What I'm getting at is this:
The only experience that is directly
available to you is your sensory data.
And this sensory data is merely
A stream of electrical impulses which
stimulate your computing center.
In other words, all I really know
about the outside world
is relayed to me through
my electrical connections.
Exactly.
Why,... that would mean that...
I really don't know what the outside
universe is like at all, for certain.
That's it! That's it!
Intriguing.
I wish I had more time
to discuss this matter.
Why don't you have more time?
Because I must detonate in 75 seconds.
No, no, now, put it back!
Put the gun back!
You don't know what you are doing!
Now, now give me the gun!
You fool! I'm gonna shoot
the pins out of the bomb
and it will fall away from the ship
and we'll be saved!
Give me the gun, you don't know what
you are doing? You're...
You could have killed me...
Now bomb,
consider this next question,
very carefully.
- What is your one purpose in life?
- To explode, of course.
- And you can only do it once, right?
- That is correct.
And you wouldn't want to explode on
the basis of false data, would you?
Of course not.
Well then, you've already admitted
that you have no real proof of
the existence of the outside universe.
Yes, well...
So you have no absolute proof that
Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate.
I recall distinctly the detonation order.
My memory is good on
matters like these.
Yes, of course you remember it, but...
But all you're remembering is merely a
series of electrical impulses which
you now realize have no real definite
connection with, with outside reality.
True, but since this is so,
I have no proof that you are
really telling me all this.
That's all beside the point.
I mean, the concept is valid,
no matter where it originates.
Hmmm...
- So if you detonate in...
- 9 seconds.
You could be doing so
on the basis of false data.
I have no proof that it was false data.
You have no proof that
it was correct data.
I must think on this further.
Attention. Attention.
The bomb has returned
to the bomb bay.
The destruction sequence is aborted.
Doolittle? Doolittle?
What happened?
Pinback? Boiler?
Did we blow it up?
Hello? Hello?
Hello, anybody!
Did we blow up the planet?
Hello, hello!
What's going on?
You know, we've really gotta
disarm the bomb.
Hello, Doolittle, are you there?
I'm coming in now.
I'm down by the Emergency Air Lock.
Too much trouble to come
in the Dorsal Lock.
Would you blow the seal on the
emergency hatch so I can come in?
Oh, sure.
You are now leaving the
Emergency Airlock.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
Hello, Pinback?
- What's up, Doolittle?
- Talby was in the air lock.
You blew him out of the ship.
He's drifting away without a jet pack.
I'm going after him.
Turn on his helmet radio
so I can contact him.
What? What's wrong? I didn't hear...
Uh, Talby. He's drifting away from
the ship without his jetpack.
Talby,
Talby, can you read me?
Can you beat that?
I always knew that guy was weird.
Talby, can you read me?
Help, Doolittle, help me!
All right, bomb,
- Prepare to receive new orders.
- You are false data.
- Huh?
- Therefore, I shall ignore you.
Hello, bomb.
False data can act only
as a distraction.
Therefore I shall refuse
to perceive you.
Hey, bomb...
The only thing which
exists is myself
- Doolittle! Help me.
- Calm down. I'm coming.
Snap out of it, bomb.
In the beginning there was darkness,
And the darkness was without form
and void.
- Uh, you-hoo bomb.
- What the hell is he talking about?
And in addition to the darkness
there was also me.
And I moved upon
the face of the darkness.
And I saw that I was alone.
Hey... bomb'?...
Let there be light.
Doolittle, Doolittle, where are you?
Here I am. I'm spinning...
We're both falling in opposite
directions, away from each other.
What happened, Doolittle?
The bomb must have
gone off inside the ship.
The ship blew up? What?!
Funny, I thought I had the
damn thing convinced.
- Then Boiler... and Pinback?
- They're dead, Talby.
- Then we're dead, too.
- Maybe not... maybe there's a way.
Hey, hey my jetpack's busted.
Aw, man...
Hey,... it looks like the skipper.
He made it.
Commander Powell made it!
Men... men... what happened, men?
Ya, the skipper always was lucky.
Talby, looks like I'm headed
for the planet.
I'm going right toward it.
When you hit the atmosphere,
you'll start to burn.
What a beautiful way to die...
as a falling star.
Guess you're right.
Doolittle, I'm heading right
toward something.
It's behind me, in the distance.
Something that glows.
Doolittle...
I think it's the Phoenix Asteroids!
Phoenix?
- It is, Doolittle, it's the Phoenix!
- No kidding?
I'm going into them!
I'm going to hit them.
- Doolittle...
- Ya?
Before we get too far apart,
and our signals start fading,
I just wanted to tell you...
you were my favorite.
I really liked you, Doolittle.
I really liked you too, Talley.
Hey, some debris from the ship!
It's coming right by me.
Doolittle, I'm going into them.
I'm beginning to glow.
They're taking me with them,
with the Phoenix...
I'll circle the universe... forever.
I'm with them now...
be back this way again some day.
Doolittle, before it's too late,
there's one last thing
I just want to tell you...
Talby?
Hey... Talby!
I've got a piece of debris!
And I think I've figured out a way!
Glad we got your message.
You'll be interested to hear it was
broadcast live, all over Earth.
In Prime Time.
Got good reviews in the trades.
The time lag on these messages
is getting longer.
We gather from the ten year delay,
that you are approximately
eighteen parsecs away.
Drop us a line more often, okay?
Sony to hear about the radiation
leak on the ship.
And real sorry to hear about
the death of Commander Powell.
There was a week of mourning
here on Earth.
The flags were at half mast.
We're all behind you guys.
About your request for
radiation shielding,
sorry to report this request
has been denied.
I hate to send bad news when you guys
are up there doing such a swell job.
But I think you'll take if
in the proper spirit.
There've been some cutbacks
in Congress, and right now...
considering the distance,
we just can't afford
to send a cargo shuttle
out there to you.
But I know...
You guys will make due.
Keep up the good work, men.
What'd you say Pinback?
What was that again?
I still can't hear you.
I said I'm trying to reach Talby.
Something's wrong
with the damn intercom.
I need a last-minute
diameter approximation.
Talby, Talby, this is Doolittle.
Do you read me? Talby?
Talby, do you read me?
TALBY!
Oh yes, Doolittle.
What is it?
I need a diameter approximation.
Okay, Doolittle,
I'll have it in a minute.
I need a GHF reading
on the gravity correction.
I'll check it.
I have a bias A of plus one.
- Pinback...
- Ya, Doolittle.
- Your GHF reading is minus fifteen.
- Doolittle.
Yes.
I need a computer reading
on a fail-safe mark.
In a second.
Boiler, can you set me up
with some drive figures?
Ninety seven million, minus eight,
corrected to mass critical.
That checks out here.
I have a reduced drive reading
of seven thousand.
I read that with a quantum
increase of seven.
Pinback, I have a computer reading,
it's nine five seven seven.
Time to start talking.
Bomb bay systems operational.
Lock fail safe.
Fail-safe in lock.
Uh,...
Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb #19.
Do you read me, bomb?
Bomb #19 to Sergeant Pinback,
I read you... Continue.
Well, bomb, we have about
sixty seconds to drop.
Just wondering if everything
is all right.
Have you checked your platinum
euridium energy shielding?
- Energy shielding positive function.
- Swell.
Let's synchronize detonation time.
Uh...
You wouldn't happen to know when
you're supposed to go off, would ya?
Detonation in six minutes,
Twenty seconds.
All right, that checks out here.
Arm yourself, bomb.
Armed.
Well, then, everything sounds fine.
Dropping you off in about
thirty-five seconds.
- Good luck.
- Thanks!
Begin primary sequence.
Alright. Mark at...
'10-9-8-7-
6-5-4-3-2-1
Drop.
Hyperdrive sequence begun.
Hit it, Pinback.
Brace for force fields.
Lieutenant Doolittle,
it just exploded.
Um, the planet just exploded, sir.
Lieutenant?
Attention. Attention.
- Ship's computer to all personnel.
- Unlock Fail safe.
The hyperdrive sequence
is now terminated.
- Target planet has been destroyed.
- Fail safe unlocked.
This sector is now cleared
for colonization.
You have destroyed the last
unstable planet in this system.
Congratulations on another
successful bomb run fellows.
What now?
What do you have
for us now, Boiler?
Uh... Not much.
Nothing at all in this sector.
Well, find me something,
I don't care where it is.
Well, I show a 95% probability
of intelligent life
in the Horsehead Nebula sector.
Don't give me that kind of bull.
- I know it's a long shot...
- Damn wild goose chase is what it is!
Remember when Commander Powell
found that
99 plus probability of intelligent life
in the Magellanic Cloud?
- Well, I... there's the possibility of...
- Remember what we found?
A damn mindless vegetable,
looked like a limp balloon.
Fourteen light years for a vegetable
that went squawk
and let a fart when you touch it.
Remember that?
All right, then uh...
Don't give me any of that
intelligent life stuff.
Find me something I can blow up.
New star.
Hey, guess what? I got a new star
On the readout.
Which one?
Another unknown. A red dwarf.
Not on the charts.
Any planets?
Yeah. Eight, it says here.
Any of 'em any good?
Naah. All stable.
What are you gonna name it?
- What?
- The new star.
What are you gonna name it?
Who cares. Don't bother me.
Commander Powell would have named it.
Commander Powell is dead.
Doolittle, I've got a goodie.
An unstable planet.
85% probability of an
unstable planet in the
Veil Nebula that will probably
go off its orbit and hit a star.
Wanna blow it up?
Real good, Boiler.
That's what I'm looking for.
Chart a course for
the Veil Nebula.
Pinback, throw me the chart log.
Let's have some music in here, Boiler.
Sure thing.
A million suns shine down
But I see only one
When I think I'm over you
I find I've just begun
The years move faster than the days
There's no warmth in the light
How I miss those desert skies
Your cool touch in the night
Benson, Arizona,
blew warm wind through your hair
My body Hies the galaxy,
my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona,
the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder
when we watched them, you and I
Benson, Arizona,
blew warm wind through your hair
My body Hies the galaxy,
my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona,
the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder
when we watched them, you and I
Now the years pull us apart
I'm young and now you're old
But you're still in my heart
And the memory won't grow cold
I dream of times and spaces
I left far behind
Where we spent our last few days
Benson's on my mind
Benson, Arizona,
blew warm wind through your hair
My body flies the galaxy,
my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona,
the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder
when we watched them, you and I
Ship's log, entry number 1,943.
Dark Star cruising at light speed
through Sector Theta 990.
On route to Veil Nebula for
destruction of unstable planet.
Our ETA is 17 hours.
Ship's systems continue to deteriorate...
oh ya...
The short circuit in the rear seat panel
which killed Commander Powell
is Still faulty.
The uh, the Storage...
because he's sitting next to
Commander Powell's seat,
it continues to bother Pinback.
Uh,... oh ya, Storage Area 9
self-destructed last week and
destroyed the ship's entire
supply of toilet paper.
That's all.
Attention. Attention.
Ship's computer calling all personnel.
I must disengage your
recreational music-
Repeat, ship's computer to
all personnel.
This is an emergency over ride.
All systems must stand by.
An asteroid storm is approaching
the ship on collision course.
This asteroid storm appears to be
Bound together by an
electromagnetic energy vortex like
the one we ran into 2 years ago.
Normally I wouldn't bother you
boys with this problem...
but as you recall my defensive circuits
were destroyed in that other storm.
Therefore you have 35 seconds
to manually activate
ALL defensive systems.
Lock gravity system.
Gravity locked.
Activate energy shield
Energy shield Activated.
Confirm gravity lock.
Confirm.
Lock all Defensive systems.
Defensive systems lock.
Lock force field.
Computer to Bomb #20.
Return to the bomb bay
immediately.
But I have received the
operational signal.
It is a malfunction.
This is not a bomb run.
We are in a crisis situation.
Return immediately.
Nevertheless, I have received
the signal to prepare for a drop.
Emergency override.
Return to the bay.
Very well.
- We made it.
- Ya.
Attention. Attention.
Ships computer to bridge.
There was a malfunction aboard
ship during the asteroid storm.
I have not yet identified
the nature of the problem.
Shall I contact you when I find
out what the malfunction is?
Ya. Let's get out of here.
I remember the last time we
were in an asteroid storm.
I was down in the food locker
getting a sandwich.
When I heard the damn
sleeping quarters blow up.
Ya! Hey...
You know guys,
if we really wanted to
we could fix up the sleeping
quarters like they were before.
Then we could sleep on
ulamatic bunks again.
Say guys, why don't we fix up the
sleeping quarters so we can have
decent place to sleep again?
All we'd have to do is patch up the hole
in the ship and pump some air back in.
- Shut up Pinback!
- Oh, have it your own way!
For your listening enjoyment,
we now present the
Moonlight melodies of Martin Segundo
and the Scintilla Strings.
Our first selection is
the perennial favorite
When Twilight Falls on
NGC 891.
Damn it!!
Now what's the matter with him?
Talby.
Here's some breakfast.
You know, Talby, you really ought
To eat with the rest of us.
You spend too much time up here.
I like it up here.
Must get lonely being
up here so much.
I don't like to go below since
Commander Powell died.
I feel too enclosed down there.
Well you should spend some more
time below though, I mean...
You know, you should see
more of the rest of the ship.
See, I can watch things
Up here, Doolittle.
I love to watch things,
just stare at the planets
meteors, gas clusters and asteroids...
You'll have plenty of time for that,
later, though.
I mean, think of it this way:
We've been in space for
twenty years now, right?
And we've only aged
three years...
so there'll be plenty of time
later on for staring around.
You know, Doolittle,
if we're going into the Veil Nebula,
we may actually find a strange
And beautiful thing...
the Phoenix Asteroid.
They should be passing
through there about now.
Phoenix Asteroid?
Never heard of 'em.
They're a body of asteroids
that circle the universe...
once every 12.3 trillion years.
The Phoenix Asteroid...
From what I've heard, Doolittle,
they glow...
glow with all the colors
of the rainbow.
Nobody knows why.
They just glow as they
drift around the universe.
The Phoenix Asteroid.
You know what I think
about, Talby?
It's funny, I...
I kind of sit around a lot,
you know, a lot of time to myself.
I can't talk to the others,
but with time to myself,
I can think about back home,
back home at Malibu.
I used to surf a lot, Talby.
I used to be a great surfer.
The waves at Malibu and Zuma are
so fantastic in the springs Talby.
I can remember running down on the
beach on those early spring mornings
with my surf board and a wet suit...
The waves would really be peaking,
you know, high and glassy.
Ya hit that water.
Before you know it, you're coming down
right off of one of those walls
and you're just ridin' perfect.
You know, I guess I miss the waves
and my board more than anything.
That's the lid to the heating unit.
You're not supposed
to have that out!
That's not for target practice!
That's for emergencies only!
That's dangerous!!
I'll tell Doolittle!
Sorry to interrupt your
Recreation, fellows.
But it is time for Sergeant Pinback
to feed the alien.
Oh... I don't want to do that.
May I remind you, Sergeant Pinback,
that it was your idea
in the first place
to bring the alien on board.
If I may quote you, you said,
The ship needed a mascot.
Oh, I have to do everything
around here!
Alright, where are ya?
Come on, quit playing around.
Get away!!!
Come on.
Come on, come on!
When I brought you on the ship,
I thought you were cute.
Alright, soup's on.
We didn't have none
of the other stuff.
Here, eat it!
Eat it!!
Take it or leave it.
Good... stop!
Nobody appreciates me around
here, I have to do all the work.
Clean up the crap...
I do all the work and no
appreciation.
Get off me! Get off my back!
Alright now, stop it!
Alright, now, that's enough.
Don't pull my hair!!
Get back in there.
Come on. Come on...
Come on.
Here, boy...
Want your mouse?
Nice mouse... pretty toy.
Want your mouse? Here, boy!!
Idiot!
Get back!
Get out of there!
Come back here!
No!
Idiot!!
Attention.
Attention.
Central trunk elevator shaft
is now activated.
All personnel,
please clear the area.
Attention.
Attention.
Elevator descending.
Please clear the shaft.
Help!!!!!
I'm getting something
here on the readout.
Ship's computer
calling Bomb #20.
You're out of the
bomb bay again.
I received the signal to
prepare for a drop again.
But I repeat,
This is not a bomb run.
Nevertheless...
I received the signal.
It is an error.
Oh, I don't want to hear that.
I strongly suggest you
return to the bomb bay.
That is counter to
my programming.
Allow me to explain...
One of the communication lasers
has sustained damage.
This has temporarily inactivated
my damage tracer circuits.
You have definitely
received a false signal.
Please return to the bomb bay while
I identify the source of the problem.
Oh, alright, but this is the last time.
Doolittle I do have a malfunction
on this readout,
but I can't pinpoint it exactly.
Don't worry about it.
We'll find out what it is
when it goes bad.
I really think we should try
to locate it immediately.
Might be something important.
You know...
I wish I had my board with me now.
Even if I could just...
wax it once in awhile.
Help!
I'm sorry,
this telephone is out of order.
Please report the damage at once.
For your listening enjoyment,
we now present
The Barber of Seville, by Rossini.
Good for you!
You've decided
to clean the elevator.
To clean and service the
electromagnetic coils in the bottom,
if is necessary to jettison the
access plate in the floor.
To remove the floor plate,
please press button #1.
Attention... danger
Automatic charges will now blow the
explosive bolts in the floor plate unit.
The plate will disengage from
the floor in 5 seconds.
Please leave the elevator immediately.
5-4-3-2-1...
Now it's time to go sleepy-bye
you worthless piece of garbage.
So then it just spewed across
the room like a balloon.
I guess it was just filled with gas.
Hey guys, how could it live if
it was just filled with gas?
I wonder what we get to eat today.
I thought I was going to die.
I was hanging on the
elevator for 20 minutes!
- Probably chicken again.
- I probably saved the ship.
That thing could have
done some damage.
I'm REALLY sick of chicken.
Well if you don't care, I just
won't talk about it anymore!
Hey that sounds like
a fine idea, Pinback.
Chicken?
Ah, ham!
- Chicken?
- No, ham.
- Doolittle?
- Ya.
You think we'll ever find any
real intelligent life out there?
- Out where?
- You know...
Veil Nebula.
Who cares.
Hey...
Did I ever tell you guys how
I got on this mission?
- Did I ever tell ya?
- Yup.
It's very strange, see...
I- I wasn't an astronaut
to begin with, see...
See uh...
You have to score a 700
on the SARE's for the
Officer Corp and I made... 58.
They put me on uh...
liquid fuel maintenance
on the launch pad so... uh,
Naturally, I was really disappointed.
He told us this, uh,
4 years ago, didn't he?
Anyway, I was on duty the day we...
- No, I think it was 4 years ago.
- Launched the Dark Star.
I was out, uh, scrubbing down
the liquid fuel tanks.
That's what I said.
And this, uh, astronaut
came running out. He was, uh...
He was stark naked. He had his
star suit in his hands and...
Well, I surmised that he was insane.
And uh, he...
threw his star suit on the ground,
and uh...
jumped into one of
my vets of liquid fuel.
Which is... very dangerous.
Well... I was pretty shocked,
I can tell you!
I didn't know what to make of it.
Astronauts are all supposed to be...
mentally stable and here
this guy comes along and
jumps into my fuel tank.
Pass that, will you... no that one.
Well naturally, I was going
to try to save him, so...
what I did was put on his star suit
for protection and I was going
to leap into the vat.
You guys... See?...
Uh... so what happened was...
That before I could leap into the vat,
this other guy came running along
and he says, "Hey, Sergeant Pinback,"
you've got to board immediately because
we're going to launch in 20 minutes!
- You told us this 4 years ago!
- And I tried to tell him that I
wasn't really Sergeant Pinback,
but I couldn't figure out how
to make the helmet radio work.
Funny thing...
Ya know, I'm sure
it was 4 years ago.
Maybe.
Lieutenant Doolittle,
this is Talby.
Lieutenant?!
Uh, yes, Talby what is it?
I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch,
Sir, but I'm in the computer room
and I've located the malfunction.
The scanner shows it to be a break
in the communications laser,
down by the emergency air lock.
I can't pinpoint it exactly,
But I'm going down there
with a starsuit and see if I can find it.
Okay, sounds good, Talby. Look uh...
If something important comes up,
you let me know.
Why doesn't Talby ever eat
down here with the rest of us?
He just likes it up in the dome,
that's all.
Talby...
What's Talby's first name?
What's my first name?
This statement is for posterity.
I just want to say that I am
not Sergeant Pinback.
My real name is Bill Froog and
I'm a Fuel Maintenance Technician.
I've been on this mission now
for 1 year and 3 months.
Pinback's uniforms do not fit me.
The underwear is too loose.
I do not belong on this mission
and I want to return to Earth.
Commander Powell died today.
We were, we were going
into hyper-drive.
And... well he sits
right next to me and...
well... something went wrong
with the...
When we came out of hyper-drive his
seat mechanism had blown up
and he was dead.
Doolittle says he's assuming command
of this ship and I say that's...
I say that he's exceeding his authority.
Because I'm the only one with
any objectivity on this ship and I
should be the one to assume command!
I'm filing a report on this to
Headquarters, this is a lot of
I went up to Doolittle
in the hall today.
And I said...
Doolittle.
He said...
And I said, Well...
And he didn't get it!
This mission has fallen apart
since Commander Powell died!
Doolittle treats me like an idiot!
Talby thinks he's so smart.
And Boiler punches me in the arm
when no one is looking!
I'm tired of being treated
like an old washrag!
I do not like the men
on this space ship.
They are uncouth and fail to
appreciate my better qualities.
I have something of value to
contribute to this mission
if they would only recognize it.
Today over lunch I tried to
improve moral and build a sense of
comradery among the men by holding
a humorous round robin discussion
of the early days of the mission.
My overtures were brutally rejected.
These men do not want a happy ship.
They are deeply sick and try to
compensate by making me feel miserable.
Last week was my birthday.
Nobody even said
Happy Birthday to me.
Someday this tape will be played
and then they'll feel sorry.
Attention. Attention.
I have finally identified
the malfunction.
Communications Laser #17
has been damaged.
This evidently happened
during the asteroid storm.
If you will recall,
this laser monitors the jettison
primer on the bomb drop mechanism.
Communications Laser #17
is located in the Emergency Airlock.
It is crucial to attend to this
malfunction before engaging
primary bomb run sequence.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
There she is.
Definite 99% plus probability
that the planet will deviate
from her normal orbit in another
12,000 rotations.
- It'll spiral in toward its sun and,...
- Eventual supernova.
Sounds good. Let's vaporize it.
Bomb bay systems operational.
Lock fail safe.
Fail safe in lock.
We have...
8 minutes until drop.
24 minutes to detonation.
This is Sergeant Pinback
calling Bomb #20.
You read me, bomb?
Bomb #20 to Sergeant Pinback.
Roger, I read you, continue.
You are now in the
Emergency Air Lock.
Please remember that in
an emergency situation,
the Surface Door can
be opened instantly
without prior depressurization,
so be sure to wear your
starsuit at all times.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
Ah, Lieutenant Doolittle?
Sir?
Sh, Talby, don't bother me.
But I think this is important, Sir.
I think I found the malfunction.
I'm in the Emergency Air Lock...
Not now!
Well, I'm in the Emergency Air Lock
and the hatch is...
4 minutes until drop, Bomb...
have you checked your platinum
euridium energy shielding?
Energy shielding positive function.
- Remember detonation time?
- Detonation in 20 minutes.
Alright, that checks out here.
Okay, bomb, arm yourself.
Armed.
Hello?
Lieutenant Doolittle? Hello!
Hello? Can you read me?!
Communications Laser #17,
monitoring the bomb drop mechanism,
has now been activated and will
switch into a test mode.
If you will look near
the Surface Door,
you will see that the Parallax
Receptor Cell has been engaged.
The laser will now energize.
Please stand clear of the
path of the beam.
Communications Laser #17
is now on test.
Under no circumstances enter
the path of the beams.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
Well then, everything sounds fine.
Dropping you off in 75 seconds.
Good luck.
Thanks.
I've got a quantum reading of 35-er.
3-5-er.
I read the same here.
Doolittle. Doolittle?
I don't know if you can hear me.
But I'm going to try to adjust
the cue switch in the laser.
Well... here it goes...
Oh my god, my eyes!
I can't see!
Attention. Attention.
- The laser has malfunctioned.
- My eyes!!
Under no circumstances
enter the path of the beams.
To do so will cause immediate...
Begin primary sequence.
Mark at 10-9-8-7-6-
5-4-3-2-1-drop.
Negative drop.
It's just sittin' there
in the bomb bay.
Try it again, Pinback.
Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-drop.
Negative drop!
Rechannel all safety relays!
- Open quantum latches!
- Open circuit breakers!
- Remove thrust drive repellent!
- Automatic channels open!
75-15 Going to operation position!
Remark.
Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-
drop,... drop!... drop!!!
Sittin' there.
The damn thing's just sittin' there.
This is Lieutenant Doolittle
Calling Bomb #20.
I repeat previous order,
you are to disarm yourself and
return to the bomb bay immediately!
Do you understand?
I am programmed to detonate in
14 minutes 30 seconds.
Detonation will occur at the
programmed time.
What!? This is Doolittle.
You are not to detonate, repeat, you
are not to detonate in the bomb bay.
Disarm yourself. This is an order.
I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle,
but I am programmed
to detonate in 14 minutes.
Detonation will occur at
the programmed time.
14 minutes to detonation.
Attention. Attention.
I have sustained serious damage.
Please pay close attention.
The bomb has malfunctioned.
I have activated automatic dampers,
which will confine the explosion to
an area one mile in diameter.
This is all I can do at this time.
It's up to you now.
There's only one thing I can do.
I have to ask Commander Powell.
I have to ask him what to do.
Commander Powell?
Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
Can you read me?
Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.
Something serious has come up,
I have to ask you a question.
I'm glad you've come to talk
With me, Doolittle.
It's been so long since anyone
has come to talk with me.
Commander, sir, we have
a big problem.
The uh, Veil Nebula bomb,
Bomb Number 20, it's uh,
It's stuck.
It won't drop out of the bomb bay.
It refuses to listen and it.
It plans on detonating in...
less than eleven minutes.
Doolittle,
you must tell me one thing.
What's that, sir?
Tell me, Doolittle,
How are the Dodgers doing?
Well, the Dodgers uh...
They broke up, they disbanded
over 15 years ago!
- Ah... pity, pity...
- But you don't understand, sir!
We can't get the bomb to drop.
Ah, so many malfunctions...
Why don't you have anything nice
to tell me when you activate me?
Oh well,... did you try
the azimuth clutch?
Yes sir. Negative effect.
- What was that, Doolittle?
- Negative effect!
- It didn't work?
- That's correct, sir.
Sony, Doolittle.
I've forgotten so much
since I've been in here.
So much.
What should we do, sir?
The time is running out!
Well, what you might try is.
Commander? Hello... Comman...
Commander Powell?! Hello!
Doolittle?... Hello?
Sorry, sir, you faded out there
for a little while.
Sorry.
What was that you were
saying about the bomb?
Ah... it seems to me...
Sony, I've drawn a blank.
Hold if.
I'll have it again in just a minute.
I forget so many things in here,
... so many things.
Hold on, just a minute,
let me think...
But you can't explode
in the bomb bay.
It's foolish.
You'll kill us all.
There's no reason for it.
I am programmed to detonate
in 9 minutes.
Detonation will occur at
the programmed time.
Would you consider another course
of action?
For example, just waiting around
awhile so we can disarm you?
No.
I can tell, that damn thing
Just doesn't understand.
Look, bomb!...
Commander, Sir? You still there?
Oh, yes, Doolittle,
I'm thinking.
We're running out of time, sir.
Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle,
if you can't get it to drop
you'll have to talk to it.
Sir?
- Talk to the bomb.
- But I have been talking to it, sir!
And Pinback's talking
to it right now!
No, no, Doolittle,
... you talk to it.
Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle.
Sir?
Phenomenology...
Doolittle!
6 minutes to detonation!
Doolittle!
Doolittle! Doolittle,
what the hell are you doing?!
Hello, bomb, are you with me?
Of course.
Are you willing to entertain
a few concepts?
I am always receptive to suggestions.
Fine. Think about this one, then:
How do you know you exist?
What the hell is he doin'?
I think he's talking to it.
Well of course I exist.
But how do you know you exist?
- It is intuitively obvious.
- Intuition is no proof.
What concrete evidence do you
have that you exist?
Hmm...
Well, I think, therefore I am.
That's good.
That's very good.
But how do you know that
anything else exists?
- My sensory apparatus reveals it to me.
- Ah, Right!
This is fun.
Now, listen, listen...
here's the big question.
How do you know... that the
evidence your sensory apparatus
reveals to you is correct?
- The gun!
- Gun?! Gun?
The support pins on the bomb!
- Shoot the pins off!
- No, Boiler, you're out of your mind!
We can stop the bomb!
Get out of my way, you idiot!
I can shoot the support pins out and the
bomb will fall away from the ship!
Get out of my way or
I'll kick your teeth in!
I can shoot those pins out and
it will fall away from the ship!
Get out the way!
I can save the ship!
Don't do it, Boiler!
You're a bad shot!
You'll hit the bomb!
Doolittle's talkin' to the bomb.
You're a bad shot! He'll save us,
you can't do that!
What I'm getting at is this:
The only experience that is directly
available to you is your sensory data.
And this sensory data is merely
A stream of electrical impulses which
stimulate your computing center.
In other words, all I really know
about the outside world
is relayed to me through
my electrical connections.
Exactly.
Why,... that would mean that...
I really don't know what the outside
universe is like at all, for certain.
That's it! That's it!
Intriguing.
I wish I had more time
to discuss this matter.
Why don't you have more time?
Because I must detonate in 75 seconds.
No, no, now, put it back!
Put the gun back!
You don't know what you are doing!
Now, now give me the gun!
You fool! I'm gonna shoot
the pins out of the bomb
and it will fall away from the ship
and we'll be saved!
Give me the gun, you don't know what
you are doing? You're...
You could have killed me...
Now bomb,
consider this next question,
very carefully.
- What is your one purpose in life?
- To explode, of course.
- And you can only do it once, right?
- That is correct.
And you wouldn't want to explode on
the basis of false data, would you?
Of course not.
Well then, you've already admitted
that you have no real proof of
the existence of the outside universe.
Yes, well...
So you have no absolute proof that
Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate.
I recall distinctly the detonation order.
My memory is good on
matters like these.
Yes, of course you remember it, but...
But all you're remembering is merely a
series of electrical impulses which
you now realize have no real definite
connection with, with outside reality.
True, but since this is so,
I have no proof that you are
really telling me all this.
That's all beside the point.
I mean, the concept is valid,
no matter where it originates.
Hmmm...
- So if you detonate in...
- 9 seconds.
You could be doing so
on the basis of false data.
I have no proof that it was false data.
You have no proof that
it was correct data.
I must think on this further.
Attention. Attention.
The bomb has returned
to the bomb bay.
The destruction sequence is aborted.
Doolittle? Doolittle?
What happened?
Pinback? Boiler?
Did we blow it up?
Hello? Hello?
Hello, anybody!
Did we blow up the planet?
Hello, hello!
What's going on?
You know, we've really gotta
disarm the bomb.
Hello, Doolittle, are you there?
I'm coming in now.
I'm down by the Emergency Air Lock.
Too much trouble to come
in the Dorsal Lock.
Would you blow the seal on the
emergency hatch so I can come in?
Oh, sure.
You are now leaving the
Emergency Airlock.
Thank you for observing
all safety precautions.
Hello, Pinback?
- What's up, Doolittle?
- Talby was in the air lock.
You blew him out of the ship.
He's drifting away without a jet pack.
I'm going after him.
Turn on his helmet radio
so I can contact him.
What? What's wrong? I didn't hear...
Uh, Talby. He's drifting away from
the ship without his jetpack.
Talby,
Talby, can you read me?
Can you beat that?
I always knew that guy was weird.
Talby, can you read me?
Help, Doolittle, help me!
All right, bomb,
- Prepare to receive new orders.
- You are false data.
- Huh?
- Therefore, I shall ignore you.
Hello, bomb.
False data can act only
as a distraction.
Therefore I shall refuse
to perceive you.
Hey, bomb...
The only thing which
exists is myself
- Doolittle! Help me.
- Calm down. I'm coming.
Snap out of it, bomb.
In the beginning there was darkness,
And the darkness was without form
and void.
- Uh, you-hoo bomb.
- What the hell is he talking about?
And in addition to the darkness
there was also me.
And I moved upon
the face of the darkness.
And I saw that I was alone.
Hey... bomb'?...
Let there be light.
Doolittle, Doolittle, where are you?
Here I am. I'm spinning...
We're both falling in opposite
directions, away from each other.
What happened, Doolittle?
The bomb must have
gone off inside the ship.
The ship blew up? What?!
Funny, I thought I had the
damn thing convinced.
- Then Boiler... and Pinback?
- They're dead, Talby.
- Then we're dead, too.
- Maybe not... maybe there's a way.
Hey, hey my jetpack's busted.
Aw, man...
Hey,... it looks like the skipper.
He made it.
Commander Powell made it!
Men... men... what happened, men?
Ya, the skipper always was lucky.
Talby, looks like I'm headed
for the planet.
I'm going right toward it.
When you hit the atmosphere,
you'll start to burn.
What a beautiful way to die...
as a falling star.
Guess you're right.
Doolittle, I'm heading right
toward something.
It's behind me, in the distance.
Something that glows.
Doolittle...
I think it's the Phoenix Asteroids!
Phoenix?
- It is, Doolittle, it's the Phoenix!
- No kidding?
I'm going into them!
I'm going to hit them.
- Doolittle...
- Ya?
Before we get too far apart,
and our signals start fading,
I just wanted to tell you...
you were my favorite.
I really liked you, Doolittle.
I really liked you too, Talley.
Hey, some debris from the ship!
It's coming right by me.
Doolittle, I'm going into them.
I'm beginning to glow.
They're taking me with them,
with the Phoenix...
I'll circle the universe... forever.
I'm with them now...
be back this way again some day.
Doolittle, before it's too late,
there's one last thing
I just want to tell you...
Talby?
Hey... Talby!
I've got a piece of debris!
And I think I've figured out a way!