Darkheart Manor (2022) Movie Script
1
Hello, my name is Eloise.
This is where I was born.
No, not in the field,
but well you'll see in a moment is he,
My dad was an inventor and once upon
a time he invented something really
amazing. It made a lot of money and we
lived in a big house in the country.
But the trouble was dad never ever
invented anything else that made any more
money. And then one day dad
asked his favourite child,
There's always a favourite
to help and well,
something awful happened.
Well, that was seven years ago,
and now we've come home to where
it all started back home at
Dark Heart manner.
Yes, yes, yes. Don't worry,
you'll have the necklace.
Yes, she did wear them.
I'll do my best. I.
Silence.
Hello.
How are you?
All right, thanks.
So here we are then back home.
It's Shane. We only come.
Back here when something bad happens.
Something bad is what sent us all away.
Darling, can you get
my pastina out please?
Hi Carl.
Get mine as well. Will you, Colin?
Right? Anyways. Have you got the keys?
I'm not standing out here anymore.
We're in here somewhere.
Come on, Mary Poppins. They're
probably hidden under the hat stand.
Bottom.
Key doesn't seem to work.
So how's Colin?
Oh, same as usual.
Ah, is he not coming in?
He's just unpacking the waitress shopping.
Waitrose.
Yeah,
I had the foresight to pick some things
up at our local one after he'd come back
from Cowells last night. I knew no one
else would think about it. So come on,
Eloise.
Dad might have changed the locks again.
I just want to get somewhere. There
is potentially some central heating.
Colin Pina.
Is my tooth chi.
Are you being serious? Why would
you think you've chipped your tooth?
Tell him it's fallen out. I think I did
it when I was getting outta the car.
On what? Your ego.
Does it feel different when your.
Tongue limit. Run your tongue along it.
It feels a bit jagged, but
Oh, it's alright, don't worry.
It's just about these TP awards.
I wondered how long it was gonna
take to say the word awards.
What.
Awards? What awards? Oh.
Did you not read about it in heat?
I can't repeat heat. What
awards he talk you about?
I've got these best daytime TV
presenter awards tomorrow night, right?
Is this that auction thing you do? Oh.
You've seen it, have you?
Well, no, but I think someone
mentioned it. I don't watch daytime tv.
Well, neither do I. I'm on it.
Jesus.
Bloody draughts doors always slamming.
I had hope Dad might have fixed that.
I remember dad saying the slamming doors
were caused by the restless soul of a
gamekeeper walled up in the cell for.
Poaching. Dad was good at
not adding to hysteria.
He told me that the slamming was the
house protecting itself against the
invaders.
When were you last here?
Seven years ago. Toms, you know.
You haven't been to
see dad in seven years.
When did you last see dad? Easy
to point the finger, isn't it?
I guess he was on Tell.
I'm having my old run.
Okay,
now you've gotta look straight up and
try not to get anything on the edge of
your vision. What?
Like.
Trees? Now trees are right out. It's
gotta be sky only. Sky. Got it? Yep.
Just.
Go. Okay, now picture the world.
It's a huge ball and you're lying
on top of that ball looking up
into space, but the world is round.
Now imagine what it would be like if you
were lying on the bottom of that ball
looking down into infinity.
What.
You mean like upside.
Down? Yeah, absolutely.
And only gravity is holding
you from falling off into
the bottomless of forever.
Can you feel it? It's sort
of like an optical illusion.
You've gotta really believe it.
That's really weird. I
feel like I'm looking down.
Okay,
now you've gotta look straight up trying
to get anything else in your vision.
Just sky.
Okay, now you really good at it.
You feel like you're about
to fall off the planet.
Oh.
My God, I just felt like I was levitating.
That's.
So wicked.
That's.
Really what laugh happens.
If I really believe it.
I suppose you just fall off into space.
Laugh.
Now really concentrate on one particular
bit of sky and really think hard about
it being below you instead of above you.
Hello.
Niece. What? It's Uncle Simon.
Oh, Uncle Simon.
You're up late, aren't you? It.
Is lunch time.
What? Oh, listen.
Something's happened.
Look, I'm up for best daytime
presenter. This isn't about you.
Really, Yesian.
It's all about who you are with and
how good she looks and you know it.
What if you do win and I'm
wearing the expensive diamonds.
I can't right now. I've
got a call for sister.
Not that stupid boring
one you told me about.
No, the other one. Eloise.
She's got no fashion.
Since.
I've gotta go. Your.
Whole family's.
Rubbish. Donna.
Or I'm gone.
Hello dear sister, what
can I do for you? It's.
About dad. He's a,
He's dead. I'm sorry.
Somehow dad, I've.
Got a feeling that
everything's gonna change.
Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna. I dunno what you see
in her yet. She's awful.
She's a bit rough around the
edges, but she cares for me.
I hate her hair. Plastic hair can't
stand it. And a noticeable Ack.
She's so desperate. Proper, desperate.
You can actually smell the desperation.
You can smell it. Wanna.
Do you mind? I've just had this.
Look, you know, know as station manager,
You should really be taking me to
the awards. Not miss Circle of Shame.
You're going to the awards
with who? Donna. Donna. Donna.
I know. We told him. Look, take me
to the awards or lose me forever.
My heart's in the right place. What?
In Silicon Valley. I mean.
What? Mr. Jones? I'm
Sally Sneed from M gtv.
I was just wondering, could you spare
a sec to talk to us about the awards?
That'd be brilliant.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Any publicity's? Good
publicity. Mr. Jones. Talk.
About Knack.
Knack. Thank you. I'd be happy to. Cool.
Great. Barry. Okay.
Hi,
I'm Sally Sneed and I'm here with best
daytime TV presenter nominee Yesian
Jones.
Hello, Sally.
Now the viewers at home have
one burning question to ask.
Yes.
What will Donna be wearing to the awards?
God.
And why are you named after a book?
It's not after a book. My grandfather,
Jeremiah Jones was a pilot and my dad.
I'm sorry, but dad's gone. We're all
busy. We need to clear the house,
sell it, and move on.
What do you mean sell the house?
You can't.
Sell the house. It's
dad's life. It's our life.
And this could be worth millions Suki.
Well, the way the market's
looking at the moment,
I think it's probably worth two mil.
But then we are gonna be stung for
a lot of inheritance. Tax vultures.
That's 500 grand each.
500 grand each.
Look, we can't sell the house.
Dad wouldn't want us to do that.
It's nothing to do with dad anymore.
We didn't do enough for
dad when he was alive.
So maybe now we should make more
of an effort. Now he's dead. That.
Doesn't make any sense.
500 Grand each.
Half a million could do a lot with that.
What are you expecting us to do?
Open it up as a stately home and
masal Liam to a mad professor.
Please don't talk. I don't like.
That. You can't realistically
think of keeping it on.
It's gonna take staff to run it
and look after that massive garden.
So you are just living in La la land. No.
Now you promised you wouldn't say
that. Look, I'm not a child anymore,
so don't treat me like what? Girls?
Girls. I can get someone from my
show to have a look at everything.
See if anything has any value.
Money. That's all you ever think about.
What are the practicalities
of what you're suggesting?
Well, I can call Nick knacks and we can
get the good stuff taken to the studio.
It'll.
All have to be audited and itemised.
No guys, Guys, you've
all got loads of stuff.
I don't have any stuff.
So we don't wanna get rid of the
stuff because this is our stuff.
Eloquently put. Look,
I don't have any stuff.
I've got this bed and a weird armchair
that smells so we can't just let
strangers come in here and
go step away. Okay? Cherry.
Pick the stuff you want. Now.
What happened seven years ago?
Destroyed this family.
It's the only.
Would anyone ever want to come
back to the scene of Tom's.
Death? It's not the scene of Tom's death.
It's the only thing that's gonna keep
us together. Otherwise, what is it?
An email every six months if that.
Come on. I've gotta pack up.
Let's have a really good look around
the place first. See what there is.
Fine. I'll order it as we go. Are
we gonna go together or separately?
Together? Fine.
We didn't even talk about dad.
Death. Is it the end or a
gateway to something else?
I once asked dad what
happens after we die?
He told me we get married in the
mud and worms eat our bodies.
I guess he didn't want to tell me the
truth that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally. He probably
didn't want to upset me.
I.
Think Rub Chan.
I love that one with me and dad.
We got any more keys? Can't
seem to get into dad's.
Lab. No, the front door key.
I wonder where they are.
There's a whole.
Load of keys in a drawer over there.
Oh.
I can't get in there either. Where they,
No luck. None.
You know where we haven't looked?
Tom's room.
Doesn't.
Feel right being here.
Do you think that maybe
if the world's okay,
then I might be able to turn this
place into a hotel or a hostel.
Maybe an artist retreat.
I'd be good at that.
We could rename the house,
break the curse of dark heart
manner once and for all.
If that's what you want.
I promise I'll help.
Look at this. The yellow by plane's gone.
Look.
Oh my God, it's back over there. How?
Maybe one of dad's inventions.
Oh my God.
It won't do it if we'll walk it.
S
That's freaky deaky.
Come on, we can look at this
tomorrow. I've gotta get this.
Hi. Sorry darling. No,
I was just talking to no,
not another woman. No.
Eloise, my sister.
The hangar.
We're not allowed in there without dad.
Dad's not around to stop us from going in.
I've gotta go.
Wow.
I love.
This place so much.
Can't believe how grubby it is.
Something feels really weird.
I think dad was low. I mean really low.
This magazine says 2004.
2004. That was the last
time I was here. Me too.
Not me. Why would he stop flying the
plane? It doesn't make any sense.
Poor old tongue.
Old. He was 22.
He died. He don't get
much older than that.
Excuse been me that died.
I for God's sake. Come on, let's get
inside. Don't be ridiculous. Look.
Wait, we need to talk about this. Not.
In here. I'm freezing. Look, Dad clearly
hasn't set foot in here for years.
Let's get inside quickly.
I don't get it. Well.
Fine. We'll leave you here then.
Wait, wait.
What? Now.
You and me in the tree.
She called you out. You have to
go to the tree. It's the rules.
Oh, it doesn't get any smaller
laugh. I would it. Well,
you know when you get older things
that were big as a kid. Yeah.
Like waggon wheels.
God, it was magical wasn't it?
It's just a place to go away from
the house. It wasn't special. Really?
Why do you always do that?
Just being practical.
Be beep gum builder.
Let me say always the right
thing and never the wrong thing.
I'm not trying to say the
right and I am never angry.
You asked me a question, didn't you?
Did you or did you not ask me
if I thought it was magical?
Yeah.
And no I didn't because I
realised it's just a tree.
I am a wise woman. I know everything.
I realise that a tree is just a tree and
anyone can sit up just being pragmatic.
Brag.
Somebody had something.
Burnt. Marta again. Beep laugh.
Look how magic this place
was. Don't you remember?
We were happy here. How
could you all leave?
Hang on. You left two. Yeah.
But I was 17. I didn't have
a clue what was going on.
All I knew is that Tom had died,
Mum had left and dad was going mad.
Hey, don't pass any blame onto
us guys. Please don't argue.
Because we were older,
we could see what was going on
and had to deal with it too.
Oh, shut up.
Laugh. We're not putting up with this.
Me neither. This is why we left.
Guys.
Hello.
Hello.
I'm Rupert Deadlock from Deadlock and
Roberts. I've come to talk about Mr.
Jones' estate. I spoke to Mr. Simon Jones.
Hello.
Uncle Simon.
Stay here. Thanks.
Zuki. Alzheimer's henchman has arrived.
M circling already. Huh? Hello. I'm Zuki
the youngest daughter. This is Colin,
my husband.
Hello everyone.
After the death of a person proceedings
start to execute the will and distribute
any wealth and assets. Now,
you may or may not know that your
father did leave a will and now
that the police are satisfied
that there was no foul play.
What do you mean no foul play?
The verdict was death by mis adventure.
He electro kissed himself.
You didn't. He didn't know that.
No. How could we,
Uncle Simon just called me
and then I called the others.
I thought you could've
spoken to the police.
Why?
Just thought you would've.
We didn't even get to go to the funeral.
Uncle Simon took so
bloody long to tell us.
Funeral. There hasn't been a funeral.
The body's still at the mortuary.
Please just get on with the will.
We can sort the rest of
this mess out later. Fine.
Fine. Now your father, Mr.
John,
Jeremy James Jones had planned
to leave the house to all the
children to be divided equally.
But
he was conducting some very expensive
research these last seven years.
The bank bailed him out several
times but it had to stop.
Stop.
Yes. Stop.
He defaulted on several
loan repayments. Loans.
I never borrowed any money.
You mean it isn't Towers?
Yes. I'm sorry.
The bank owns the house.
He was 200,000 pounds behind with
the loan repayment. 200,000 pounds.
And what are they going to.
Do with it?
Well, I think the plan is
demolish the house demo.
There's a property developer who's had
die on the area for quite a while now.
Demolish the house.
Building a shopping
arcade or something. Well,
we have to get our money back somehow.
What's the time scale?
I'm sorry, but you're gonna have
to start moving out straight away.
You've got a few days to
vacate and demolition.
Demolition commences on the.
11Th. Get out. Get out.
Of my house.
I'm just the messenger.
Yes. Then so off. So off Mercury.
The
No.
You'll.
Regret that. I'll have you out
for assault. This is a new suit.
Oh,
laugh. I can't.
Believe dad spent our.
House. God, he really messed up.
Didn't he? How could he have spent 200 K?
We have to get into dad's lap.
We need to find out what the
hell he spent all our money on.
D Oh.
Laugh.
Oh, I can go my, Oh.
Can someone get that.
Morning? Bloody long drive You got here.
I should be paid by the mile to
do this job. I help you. Yeah.
Could you sign for this please?
Okay.
And this heavy one sign again please.
And one more.
How many more of these things are.
There's actually this one.
Another bloody lots. One more
sign perfectly with your name this time.
Sure.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Okay.
You got the necklace?
Yes darling.
It better be the one that Posh
had Buck said that he could get me
Kylie's Tiara.
From. Yeah. Well I'm sure
Buck can do a lot of things,
but I've got the diamonds you wanted.
Okay, good. See you tomorrow.
What's that all about?
I thought I saw Tom.
Tom. What did he look like?
Well, you know like Tom.
Tom then Not Tom. Now.
That's a stupid question.
Tom then alive Tom and he was all.
A what.
Without.
A focus. Blurry. I couldn't
really see him properly.
He but he walk like Tom.
You okay? Yes. Look at Tad Peaky.
Just had a bit of a shock. That's.
All electric. No, he just thought
he saw someone in the garden.
Is anyone seen the so key for dad's.
Lap?
What's this clown meeting for?
Thought I saw someone look like Tom.
I don't think this is funny. I'm.
Not trying to be funny.
Just the house staring up memories.
Why do you have to be so logical?
Because.
Without logical people, the
world wouldn't function.
This family wouldn't function.
This family doesn't function. It
could have been a ghost. Tom's ghost.
And then what? Talk of ghosts.
And poor old Tom. I don't like it.
Forget it. I've gotta make some calls.
Good. Turn for the key.
Let's see what else can find.
You. Okay.
It's all so, it's so awful. I mean,
Tom and mum and now dad. I mean if
someone doesn't make any bloody decisions,
then what? It's okay. So there's
always been me, the sensible one.
Sorting everything out,
never having any fun. Maybe.
We can have a nice few days
here. Say goodbye to your dad.
This house, it's wretched house. It
just makes me feel like I'm a failure.
No, no. Eloise has failed in love
and work and well everything.
Yours will never be the TV God He
so wants. And mom died and dad died.
And Tom, my little brother,
he failed to have an existence and
I failed to have a family. Jesus us.
What a bunch of failures
we've turned out to be.
It's supposed to be a bloody holiday.
It's so typical of daddy's bloody
selfish. Even after death is stupid.
Inventions bug everything up.
It was his inventions that bought
the house in the first place.
God sake. Colin, you're as bad as Eloise.
Come on then. Go and check the
pantry. I can't do it on my own.
I've got you a van.
One of Nick NA's productions assistants
will drive it around on Sunday.
Cuz everyone has to be back at work
on Monday apart for you. Of course.
How big is it?
Oh, thank you you and it's very kindly,
but just sort of van out for me. Lovely.
You are a nice brother.
How big is it?
Like a transit van, not a.
Loise.
Would you like me to put you together a
basic starter kit to someone living on
their own cooking? Thanks.
I've been eating my own
food since I was 17.
And you're still not dead.
So I'm simply asking,
would you like me to pick you out
a frying pan and some utensils?
I'd like one of those forks. That's.
A spoon.
A spo.
You'll have to go to mills for
that. I'll be in the kitchen.
I'm going to go upstairs, see
if I can find something useful.
Dad once said a home is only
a home because of its ghosts.
Who are the echoes of people
snag behind like wool on a nail.
Without them, it's just a house.
He also said treat each day
as your last because one day
you'll be right.
What are we gonna do with
all this stuff, Collin?
EBay.
Not helpful, Cole. I actually
don't wanna get rid of it.
Most of stuff is rubbish.
Why keep it memories?
This was mum's. I dunno.
It's just not how it should end.
It isn't the end. You get to
choose when the chapter ends.
Do you wanna hand with anything?
Yeah. Actually can you take this
chair down to the hall for me?
Careful though. I think
it might be antique.
Oh is it?
Oh I don't mean I have any
value. I just mean it's old.
I think I've seen Mine is on the show.
I like it. It's gonna be my reading chair.
Yeah. Well I think I might like to leave
this here if it doesn't fit in the van
perhaps.
Do you want it?
Well, it's something I could do.
You want it?
Well, if it doesn't fit in.
The van, do you want it?
Yes. I would quite like it. Yes. What for?
We've we're doing a chair
week on Knicknacks chair.
But I want it and I do not
wanna hear about your weird
sorted chair week. I actually
want to sit on it. Well.
Could I just bore it then?
Bring it back after show. You.
Said you didn't want any of this
Chuffing tat. So I'm having it.
Sorry, I better get this.
Do you remember that one? Why
did you put the phone down on me?
Do you.
Remember this cd?
You wanna come over here?
I remember that one.
Do you remember this Cole?
Yes I do. Unfortunately.
Laugh.
Can you just give us a bit of
time? What was my favourite song?
Let go. Like do you remember the words?
What the.
Words? I used to play this all the time.
I remember my sleep. I used
to remember this classic.
The bravest.
Animals in this land would.
Captain be Andand. There's Tim.
Breakfast rats.
Artful Hour.
Guys.
You said no.
About his Sid laugh was the noise
just singing? Do you remember this?
We used to play it all the time.
We were so annoying. You did?
I'm gonna get CD from the car.
Hello? Hello?
I say hello. Hello.
Guess who I found
Dad's lap. Wow.
This is amazing. Don't
forget. Found the key.
Careful just careful.
Okay. You dunno what
your father was working.
On?
Come on.
It was probably some new type of
milk container or maybe salate.
That doesn't tear your lip off
when you try and bite it in two.
Well, I don't like it.
It gives me the willies.
Oh my God.
Look.
Oh dear.
It's it's all plugged in. inaudible.
Oh look, it's.
Dad. Password please. Password. Any ideas?
Snowy.
Snowy?
Yeah. Tinting and snowy.
Okay. Nope.
It is. It's tinting and snowy.
Okay. Does it have a number.
Then? Oh snowy threes number three.
Thank you. Huh? How did you know that?
Was it just your dad?
Huh? It says there's a component missing.
What does it look like?
How the hell should I know you knob?
Look, I've gotta keep
an eye on the dinner.
Let me know if you see
anything interesting.
So this is what dad spent
all our inheritance on.
What the hell? It looks like some sort of,
Oh it's mom.
What were you doing at the special tree?
I saw a man.
Zuki. What do you mean you saw a man?
There was a man. It was weird.
He looked sort of outta focus.
Thought I'd leave Al to get
on with it. You right. Cool.
Look ladies see a ghost.
Well done. Very well done.
What did I do?
Colin's got a bit of a
problem with the paranormal.
The paranormal?
Yeah. There was an incident
at college that upset him.
Oh yeah. Well I like the
sound of an incident.
Oh God. If you could get your mind
out of the gutter for just one second,
it would make all our
lives so much better.
I'm hurt by that remark. Anyway.
Tell me of this incident.
I'm at college.
Colin tried to make a bit of
money by faking some ghost photos.
What?
Like Darren Brown, fraudulent
mediums and all that. Bullock.
Sort of he and offended it
and they made a bit of money.
Only Colin thought his mate.
Carl was doing the photos,
but he wasn't.
Oh, sorry. I don't follow you.
Carl wasn't making the
pictures. Colin was.
Carl was making the pictures. Yes.
Without knowing it.
When he found out he had a
bit of a panic attack and
now he thinks he's a psychic photographer.
Laugh Colin Cole. Psychic.
I know. I shouldn't have told
you. Look, he gets upset about it.
Why is he always taking photos then?
He won't take photos of people.
Only things.
Oh, that's brilliant. Just when
you think you work somebody.
Else. Look,
if you ever tell Colin that I
told you I will cut your balls.
Off.
This is ridiculous. I have
a clue what I'm doing.
Dad once told me he was writing
a book about anti-gravity.
He said it was impossible to put down.
And then I saw a picture of Tom
and it all began to make sense.
Smells this. It's just savoury,
mince. Keeping it simple.
You're not vegetarian at the
moment. Are you one of these?
Huh? As we're all here in this house.
Post toast to mum,
to dad to dead. Tom. I
do. We wouldn't say that.
Don't call him dead Tom. Okay.
Poor Tom then. That's better.
Much better to poor.
What means your life
Chip should be pleased.
Someone's out there.
Hello Helloe.
How many times do we have
to flash until he goes away?
Haven't seen you since our wedding.
You see how long.
Then? You remember.
Shagging my bridesmaid.
Soy. I am deeply hurt.
That was an accident.
Come. Oh, be nice. I bought
chocolates and booze.
Yes. Oh, little to laugh.
Oh lovely. What have we got here? Ooh.
Yeah. Yum. Yum. Pigs bum. Help yourself.
Thank you
to my brother James.
Today. Today.
Very nice. So where have
you been anyway? Simon
been travelling a lot of
work overseas. Oh yeah.
Where?
Well, I went to Paris, which
was beautiful. Amsterdam,
which was beautiful.
Munich, which was beautiful.
Warsaw, which was
depressing. You like Warsaw.
Uhhuh, very funny.
And now I'm back just like
you. And the house needs salti.
40 years of secrets here.
Maybe you and me tomorrow we
could relive the old times. Yeah.
Go back up the special tree.
Why is it the special tree
anyway? I mean there's hundreds.
Because dad put a seat in it and
we could see the house and not
be seen from the house.
No, that's not why it's the special tree.
It's because when you are in the tree
you feel something special. Something
something magic. The first
time that I went up there,
I felt this thing brush against my face.
It was sort of like a butterfly wing,
but bigger. Oh what? Like a leaf on
a branch? No, like a butterfly wing,
but bigger.
And then I saw something and it was
sort of small and quite and quite
squirrly. What? Like.
A squirrel?
No, not like a squirrel. I saw,
I really thought I saw something.
What?
At the end of the story. I mean you
really thought you saw something.
No. Cause I'm not gonna tell you the rest
of the story cuz SU's just to ruin it.
Well I.
Want to hear more about
the tree, the special tree.
Okay.
Carry on now.
Okay. Well
when I told dad about the
butterfly wing against my face,
he built me a fairy trap. It was
such a load of old nonsense jealousy.
Hardly. I mean, she was about 10.
Yes, I was 10. Thank you. But I
mean, come on. Why anything then?
Why Father Christmas? Why the
tooth fairy? Why eat ice cream?
Why didn't you sit in the dark eating
bread and butter banging your head against
a brick.
Wall? You're just being obtuse.
Why even imagine anything? Why read a
book? Why you just burn all the books?
Ding.
Ding. Round two 10 is far
too old for a fairy trap.
Dad knew that. And there's
no such thing as fairies.
One just died. Well, I believed him then
he made me a fairy chap. Cause
he knew that I wanted one.
He could have got me something
like a barbie, which was real,
but rubbish he got made me
something I would want. Well,
you and he got better than me. He
mean he what? With the grammar.
Oh, sorry. Sorting off.
Ladies.
That's just typical of that living
in a fantasy world populated by
fairies is just building up hopes and
dreams when ultimately they're gonna be
dashed.
Not a so schizophrenic, little
really mentally disturbed.
You get over that stuff.
So what happened to the fairy trap?
Well,
I thought I'd set it really
late night before I went to bed.
And one day Tom and I woke
up and we went down to the
fairy trap and.
There was a fairy trapped in
the trap. And dad set her free.
I remember saying, I fly off.
It was amazing. Will I never
saw anything like that.
Maybe you were too busy not
believing in the unbelievable.
I only went out the tree
to get away from you. Law.
You spoiled the tree. Miss sour face.
He loved you. You know,
killed him when Tom died.
Killed him even more.
When each one of you left.
Do you know what he was working on?
No. That it was complicated and expensive.
Something. Something.
Something. What?
Something.
Bad.
Don't be ridiculous.
Some of those components cost a fortune.
He.
Keeps talking about crossing the void
and jumping. Space time, stuff like that.
Oh, that was into all kinds
of stuff. Space travel,
parallel universes. Time and travel.
Alternative dimension. Time travel.
You don't think.
No.
Dad was working on a time machine.
To go back and save Tom before.
He killed him. That's just stupid.
I mean, listen to yourselves.
Time travel. You've.
Been watching too much. Dr.
Who? I quite like the new
doctor. What do you think?
Well, well it's not
Ryan. Tom Baker is the.
Best. Oh, you have to admit tenant was.
Excellent. Yeah, I really
love the gay garlic episode.
Dad wasn't working on a time machine.
What?
He wasn't working on a
time machine. It says here
he was working on a
machine to get to the dead.
World.
He was trying to find out
where you go when you die.
He was trying to get to the afterlife.
Trick or treat what.
Trick or treat.
But it isn't even Halloween. It's.
Not Halloween.
Mom said we can't go out
dress like this on Halloween.
And H it isn't Halloween.
So we're dress like this. Okay.
Drink or treat.
Well, we haven't got any sweets.
It's okay. Right.
Boy Christ. I need
that. Like off the tell.
Oh yes.
My gra likes you.
Sort off your little shits.
Who was that? Nothing. Just a fan.
So who was it?
It was the grim Reaper.
That's not important.
What.
Have we got there?
Component 63,702.
I think this is the missing
part of dad's computer.
Dad must have ordered it before he died
weeks ago. And it's only just arrived.
Let's try that.
Now we can finish the machine.
Okay. You take the study for
any other notebooks. Suki.
Put.
The cat on.
Look at this.
You.
Oh, that's no way to
talk to your granddad,
is it? I wouldn't do that if I was you.
He never did get it Earthed
properly. I did tell him.
I.
I, Are you really?
Yes darling. It's me.
Your girl. Silly.
No.
I'm dead. I know. Your dad
was a very clever man. What.
Did dad do?
Your dad, She had done,
she speaking to the day he
wanted to talk to Tom. Just.
Bloody hell.
Those little trick or treaters
slashed Uncle Simon's tyres.
He's out there now with
Colin. They're not happy.
Zuki. You need to see this.
Anne.
Well.
Well, I thought dad was working on
some sort of time machine. Like, Well,
we discussed it, supper. And I thought
maybe he was going this bit mental.
And I was looking at everything
and it was so confusing.
And then I looked at this be jar.
Looks like a lava me.
And that is a lava lamp.
This.
Is a beacon.
And granddad's face
appeared out of nowhere.
Right? Well, you got
something serious to say. Oh.
For one second. Open your tiny mind.
I thought you were actually gonna say
something important because now you're
talking bollocks.
She's telling the truth. Oh.
Oh. It's typical of you two ganging up
on me trying to make me look stupid.
Dad made a machine for
talking to the dead.
Nonsense.
Look, I was sitting here and I
pressed this button and touched this.
And then a spark flew and grandad was
talking to me and he was like, Oh,
hey Eloise. How's it going?
Granddad never spoke like that.
Maybe not to you. He always
spoke to me like that. It's.
Gotta be a special effect. I mean,
dad's just transferred some old C films
and made it into a little screen or
something.
Dad never filmed granddads.
I mean, it's just like a mini imax.
An imax.
Yeah. I mean, it's a circular thing.
In a jar. An IMAX in a jar.
Yeah, easily.
I don't understand how wy wi things go
up in the sky and land down in a mobile
phone. But why don't it be something
like that? Or living will thing.
Why don't you just show up?
Turn it on. It's just a screen.
Honey.
Look, I swear to you,
I'm telling the truth.
It scared me.
At death.
Sees amazing.
laugh is the feeling
of mini film Granddad.
You love.
Oh my God.
God is wonderful to see.
For again and Suki Suki love kill
any great grandchildren.
No. No. Not yet. Should. And I have
been thinking about it, but Jesus,
I'm talking to a jar.
Any should know about.
It's a long story, Granddad. Maybe we
could have a drink and a smoke together.
I haven't had those cigarettes in your.
Boy. I could give you some.
I've got some back in my.
Room. Stop. That's ridiculous. You can't
talk back to him and give him things.
He's a bloody hologram or something.
My God. It's nice to dead.
He's hellish.
Zuki.
He's talking.
To us.
It's, It's a recording.
That's a nice scar you've got.
Oh Jesus Christ.
That colour really goes with your jumper.
No.
He hasn't lost his sense of.
Humour.
Understand. I don't.
No, no, no. I don't understand.
Now don't stop it. Stop it. Stop.
It.
What the hell did you do that for?
Don't understand it. I don't understand.
It. Getting in back, Getting in back.
Al. I don't think we should
mention this to Simon or Colin.
Okay.
So the little bastard.
What's wrong with the lights?
Blown a fuse.
I'll fix them. Yes, you
do that. I'll do that.
Colin will do that.
I'll do that then.
Something.
Weird though. Mom's bracelet.
All the diamonds are gone.
Maybe your dad was using the diamonds
in his machine. Weird and weirder.
Sometimes I feel my life is an open book,
but it's very poorly written
and I die in the end.
Hello.
Hello.
Now I'm hearing voices. Oh dear.
You's gonna, Don't you think we should
try and have an laugh about all this?
No. Why are you just sold off?
Oh, come on.
What's he up to? What's he looking for?
Cheers.
laugh.
You won't be sorry. You asked me to.
Come. I didn't ask you.
To come then you won't
be sorry. Then will you.
Laugh.
I'm thinking about mom.
I've been thinking it's
okay to miss her now.
I mean, to forget her.
Think of her as mom again.
Just wanna remember the fun stuff.
Like the pond incident.
Oh God, the pond. That
was wonderful. Dad, what.
Did you hear that?
Hear what.
Sounded like. Dad.
Dad. Dad. What are you, Tom?
That's me. Now stop it, Tom.
Don't leave me. Leave mes me.
Leave me. Leave me leave. Wait,
wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?
Jesus, Eloise.
He scared me.
What are you doing?
Ah, I couldn't sleep. You
know, just looking around.
What.
Are you doing with dad's stuff?
He was my brother. I miss until
he borrowed a lot of money from me.
I just wanted to find
out what I spent it on.
Well.
I've been going through all the files.
It shouldn't take me more than a day or
two to figure out what's been going on.
It's the little battlefields
that leave the biggest scar.
School rooms,
bedrooms,
misunderstandings.
Like your father killing
your brother. Yeah,
I know what you mean.
Night.
Night uncle. Hi,
I'm Sally Sneed and I'm here
with best daytime TV presenter,
nominee Roger Laslow Smith.
You've got one of the best jobs. How
would you describe getting up for work?
How do you feel every day? Tired. Tired?
Yeah. If I have to be up at four 30
every morning, forget that. Well,
it's not what I planned. It wasn't,
wasn't my chosen career path. Well,
is it nice if you nominate for something
that you don't really want to do?
Yes. It's very nice. Sorry, I.
It's a huge.
Honour. It's an honour. Yes. Yes.
And I would love to win the award. Just.
Morning sleep head.
Where is everyone.
Gone to inspect the special tree?
Well, I've got my fingers crossed.
You're my favourite. Okay.
Thank you so much. And best of luck.
Can I just see you later in your lovely.
Wife? Yes. Yes. It will be on
the red carpet. I'll be, I.
Had a weird dream last night.
Do you mind? I'm trying to
watch the end of this programme.
I know the girl in it.
Oh, excuse me. I'm sure wouldn't want
to interrupt your precious programming.
I'll just stand here and not
I Should't make another sound.
Thank you. It's been a pleasure.
Thank you.
Oh dear. Maybe you sa might
actually win it's buck.
He's really fit.
Thank you so much, Mike,
for taking some time out and
sparing minutes before your.
Busy day. All that stuff
that happened last night.
And you are just watching
bollocks tv. Are.
You excited? Are you
nervous about later on?
I very rarely get nervous.
I should stay here perfectly.
Still shouldn't say another word.
Sorry, Jones. Are you worried?
Is he something to worry about?
Staring is all I've got to worry
about. I haven't got a problem.
Oh, I see. I see. Fighting talk.
We like that, man. Confidence. Now,
what I really wanna know is that,
will you be bringing a special
ladies or someone in your life?
Do I start a chop?
So you know me a special.
It's.
Just that last night we discovered a
telephone that could talk to the dead.
I think it might be rather important. Yes.
But nevermind. I'm voting
on you anyway. All.
Right. We'll actually.
See you later.
I'm sure it can make us a
really, really lot of money.
Best of luck. Good luck. Buck laugh. It.
Rhymes. I know.
Laugh. It rhymes, doesn't.
It? Yeah. Thank you.
Let's go check it out.
Can't you get him back?
Yeah. Uber. Oh, Elvis.
Elvis. It's a radio. Dad built
it. We We've just got it.
Working again and heard Elvis.
And her Elvis.
But it doesn't matter now cuz
Suki broke it. So it's bugger.
Elvis.
I might have a better idea what your
dad was working on than you have.
We should all pool our ideas,
see what we come up with.
Now what does that do?
That well? That I
Well, I don't know.
Look, I know your dad was
using diamonds as capacitors.
I know crystalline synthetic diamond
is the highest thermal conductivity
of any known solid at room temperature.
How do you know that?
Your dad told me. I thought
diamonds were forever.
Diamonds are definitely not
forever. Shirley Bassett laugh,
He was pissing his money away.
But I didn't know he was
going on such a grand scale.
Even using your mom's jewellery.
Why don't you go and grab yourself a box
and help yourself do anything you like.
We're gonna be ages on this.
What? Really?
Elvis laugh.
We need a diamond to get
the machine working again.
SU's engagement ring.
SU's engagement ring.
Absolutely not. No way.
Look, it won't get ruined.
We just need to borrow it.
This is ridiculous. Talking to spirits.
We can't find out if it really was
granddad because you broke the machine.
If it was granddad.
Granddad said it was nice
to see all four of us.
It wasn't granddad.
When it comes to psychic
stuff, I think it's all BOLs.
But even I think something
very weird is going on.
Yes. Thank you. Joss
Granddad said four of us.
I assumed he meant Colin, but.
Colin wasn't in.
The room. There was one.
Me and me. That's two.
And of course me three and
me four. So that's three.
Hello? And me. Four.
Yes.
Oh yeah. I love that.
Careful.
Soki. We're leaving right.
Now. Colin, what's.
Wrong? Are you coming or not? Colin?
Yes or no? Hi, yes or no? What's.
That, Colin? I have to pack when
there's a waitress shopping and fudge.
White trs. I'm leaving now.
Colin.
Oh.
He is really captured my spirit there.
Oh my God.
That's a good one of me.
Tom.
I see some colour in my
cheeks instead of maggots.
He's here with us now.
I have been trying to tell
you guys, I see live people.
They're everywhere.
Zuki,
Zuki. We need to speak to granddad again.
We need to find out what
the hell dad did to Tom.
He made a machine that sucked my soul
from the dead world and trapped her hair
and sucked his soul into the dead
world. It's quite simple. Really?
Laugh.
Come on you too.
Oh
surprise.
Who's that? It's.
Your slutty girlfriend.
Hi, sexy.
I'm Donna with two Ns.
Hi Paul. With two Ps.
Oh. So you don't be like
that. Oh, it's okay.
Lots of girls are jealous of me until
they get to know me. Fancy drink.
Danish Gossiping for Coke. Zero.
I'll have a cup. Get her out.
Now.
What the hell is that?
I was trying to get that picture off
the wall and the bloody thing fell in my
head. I was looking for
something. Keep the swelling down.
All I could find was this
frozen hot cross bun.
Laugh. Hello?
Hello.
I'm Simon. You can call Mey.
Could you help me? This thing. It
stuck on my head, not you. Yeah.
Bill.
Come here. I'll sort you out.
Thank you.
What's.
Bitten her?
I don't think she wants me to go.
Well, it's not really any
of her business, is it?
Oh. Oh yeah. Oh, that's,
Oh God, that's, that's so
much better. Thank you.
Was she always the str? Si.
No. Well, you know she had problems as
a child. She was, It was a bed wetter.
laugh.
Do you think it,
if I take a picture
that Tom will be there?
Tom.
If you're here, will you let us know?
I'd.
Love to. Well,
I'm sorry I miss you so much.
I wish I could be with you.
Don't.
Get it. We know he's here.
It won't work. Colin's not here. Colin.
He's the link. He made
the pictures possible.
He's a psychic photographer.
And wishes he wasn't.
We've gotta get a move
on. It's getting late.
Yeah, I've got some stuff to do.
What stuff?
Well, you know, family stuff.
Family stuff. Babe, we've
been planning this for months.
It's going to be Sodding amazing. Come on.
This was meant to be our
romantic night together.
Just the two of us on tv.
We can watch it on TV here.
Okay. Please don't ever speak to
me like that ever again. Okay,
so you're having a spas moment.
So I'm gonna give you half
an hour to calm down here.
Then we are going to these Sodding awards.
How important are you and I?
You're getting all.
Or what?
I thought we were going out on
the town, getting in magazines,
having loads of fun. It is fun, isn't it?
It's fun. Yeah, but I'm sure
there's room for other things.
You mean you want me to
have kids and be fat?
Well, not fat particularly.
You mean you want to ruin my
career before it's even started?
You are so frigging selfish. No,
this was supposed to be our night
to finally get the sodding exposure.
We've been dreaming of our whole lives.
Don't pretend this doesn't
mean stuff to you. Come on.
What? You're giving me the Gucci glasses.
Serious sweet laugh. I
give you half an hour, right?
Babe?
This connection feels a bit weak.
But we put a new diamond in.
I don't think it's a very good one.
Look, granddad, we know Tom's
here or his ghost anyway.
Yeah, I was Okay going to tell you.
But someone unplugged me.
Your father was trying
to find Donald so he
could say Solomon, but it went wrong.
Your dad's machine broke it
into the dead world killing him.
And suck Tom into this
world. Like an exchange.
When your dad found me, I
thought he'd been looking for me.
But no, it was just a wrong number.
A wrong number.
Missing digit in the celestial dna.
Frigging dialling coat.
Being here is unimaginable.
I don't want to be here anymore.
So now we need to get at your dad.
So out here,
send both Tom,
your dad off to Paris
or Dad and he's stuck
here forever. Tom, wonder the earth.
That's a lot of soul. Oh, talent.
Prove you're my granddad.
You buried by a special tree. I.
Can we speak to dad.
It's just, it's not tuned in anyway. Yeah,
it's tuned. Tune about
God. What God ought to do.
You're dead. Have to met God.
Yet it seems like a popular thing
for dead people to want to do.
I'm in a different place.
You need to get a moved
on. Get your dad to me.
Cool.
Why are you there? Why
aren't you in heaven?
Because I killed you.
What are you talking about? She
took an overdose. It was depression.
Yes, but who gave her pills?
She was so sad. I thought
I was hop. But it did.
It seemed to work out that way.
You said we were running outta time.
Once the machines taking part,
no one will ever be able to
get it. Work. Work again.
If you don't get dad and Tom
to heaven and we will now.
They will be lost in
darkness for all talent.
But why is Tom there? He
hasn't done anything wrong.
Dad's stupid machine sent
Tom to the wrong place.
How do you know that?
It's all in here.
The connections going.
What do we need to do?
Find peace. Done.
Set them off to us.
What.
Are we gonna do now?
We need to get dad out of the dead world.
I can help.
What.
I wanna show you something.
Diamonds have gone. What?
Diamonds hide these diamonds
for Don to wear to the awards.
I'm gonna put the cattle on.
Have a think.
Good idea.
Nothing for an hour. I've got an
award ceremony to go to. Look,
you're flipping asshole. They hung up.
Who taxi got to go now?
I thought you were going with yours.
He's not coming. I'm just gonna go.
Why would you go on your
own? It's his award.
He said he's wanted to do family stuff
like there was something to sort out or
something. What's that in your
bag? What? Let me see. So Louise,
you seeing anyone? No. You couldn't
get his act together boys. Huh?
Wanting the fun, but not the commitment.
What does your see in you? Pardon?
Well.
Generally he goes for hot
girls. Dim. Granted, but hot.
You're not really his type. He doesn't
generally go for cheap looking. Sls.
Excuse me. Oh, I said sl, you better
shut your mouth. Oh, that's what you are.
Isn't it?
Cheap looking. Little dirty sl. Who
needs to sleep her way to the top?
Because she has no discernible
tant of her own. Take a.
Back.
You
look. I don't.
Wanna fight you. Just
give us back what's us.
I'm going to the awards and I
am taking the diamonds. Don't.
Be stupid.
Oh, Angela
inaudible.
This is getting outta It's going to tv
boy.
I'll be on tv.
I'll be on tv. I'll be on T laugh.
I'll be on tv.
Laugh how we
Oh, you got come. Yes', Ares job.
Come on. Go, go.
No, no, no. Go get in.
I told you she was no good.
Thanks.
So dad and Tom are totally bollocks then.
Good.
Now find out which programme
it needs to run on it.
How do we do that?
You've got to retune
the beacon to your dad.
He tried to, tried to get
to to Tom. Tom, but got me.
I
But.
Didn't work. Didn't
work. Not enough power.
Takes a huge amount of power
to swap a soul from another
dimension.
Well, we've removed the
Pegasus, whatever that was.
But again, just one.
We just used two bloody diamonds.
What if it isn't powerful enough?
My life force. I'm going to.
Wouldn't you be all doc?
Yes, I will cease to.
Exist. But you'll be nothing nowhere.
Press button. inaudible.
I can't lose you. Yes.
Push the bloody button.
Thank.
Goodbye everyone. I'll
miss you. Hi guys. Guys.
Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye.
Good, goodbye.
The house feels different.
You feel that? Less sad.
It's like my ears have
popped, My headaches gone.
I think Tom's gone too.
Bugger.
You wouldn't get me in one of those.
Oh, I should be there. Being
interviewed Sally instead.
What's happening.
Down there? I'm on the red carpet.
Let's see. You can speak to, We've got,
Here's girlfriend, Donna. Hi
Donna. Hello. Hello Sally.
Look like you had a bit of an accident.
You've been, Are you okay? Yeah.
I'm fine. I'm sorry. Sorry. Fine.
So you're not here with Oh, Oh, sorry.
Excuse me. Hi. But fuck Sally. Speed.
You look absolutely no.
Fantastic. I didn't tell me you're
bringing a lovely lady who's.
A beautiful woman. This is
my girlfriend, Victoria.
Hi, I'm Victoria. I love you. Work.
You look fantastic. A cheeky question,
are those diamonds? Yes. Yes.
These are diamonds. Listen to me.
Hey girls, can we come down here?
This is my moment. You're.
Rough. Hi,
I'm.
Victoria, but darlington's
girlfriend. He's gonna.
Win tonight. That's my girl.
Time to go Get your hands off
me. No, this is my night though.
Let's go. I'll call you.
Okay. Okay. So back to
Keith and lovely Linda for.
Your awards.
Oh thank you Sally.
welcome one in all TV
daytime television awards.
It's absolutely great to
be here, laugh. Anyway,
let's get the nominees for
best daytime presenter.
And those nominees are
Buck Darson for Good Morning London.
Roger Laslow Smith for
breakfast with Roger and
Usar Jones for knicknacks tv.
I've show bloody. Yeah,
what the right coat?
I'm getting a black belt button.
Right is the moment you've
all been waiting for.
The winner is the envelope, please. Linda,
the winner is Roger Laslow
Smith for breakfast with Roger.
Have you come Roger laugh
applause everybody please.
Laugh. Hello.
I didn't think I gonna win, but otherwise
I wouldn't have had so much to drink.
Daytime television is rubbish.
People shouldn't watch tele for breakfast.
They should read a paper or
listen to the radio. How sensible.
So if you are watching this,
then don't watch Breakfast Tell.
But if you're watching this and
you're watching me, please give a job.
It was.
A rubbish award anyway.
And no one will notice that
three diamonds were missing.
And they were insured.
No one will question what
happened when there were 3 million
witnesses.
How much did that bastard solicitor
deadlock tell us? Dead owed.
200 Grand.
Oh.
My God.
I think we just go.
Our house. Bye.
Laugh.
How you doing, dad?
Silence.
I'm sorry. I can't you.
It's okay, dad.
It's okay.
You look wonderful.
It's.
Good to, I've risked you.
Good to see you do that.
Come on. Hop on. It's time to get going.
Where we going?
Paradise. Paradise. Sure.
You'll like it there.
What's it like? Them this paradise of.
Yours. They say it's all right.
Everybody's happy there all the time.
Or at least to the end of the universe.
Mum's there. She's waiting for you.
Mum's there. Yeah. Don't wait to see you.
And that was the end of Dark Heart manner.
Yes. It's yet another knickknack.
This one is kind of a China
teapot. It's quite flash.
It's Ming the merciless,
not the Yes. Anyway,
you get the gist. Yes.
It's teapot. You can put
water in it. Boiling water.
Normally I put in it you put tea in it.
You can get tea from anywhere. India,
China shops mainly. That's where
I go. I went to India once.
Not for the tea. I just went
to India. It's got a spout. No,
it's got a kind of a handly thing.
It's got a lid, which you can
it doesn't actually fit. It's
from somewhere else, I think.
But you can put it in there.
Well, we'll come back to that.
And you can do that. And it
stops the tea falling out.
It's probably worth at least 24,
maybe 25 pence. Yeah
I've seen several of these before. This.
Who made it? Isn't the
best one. Who made it?
It was made by Timothy Dalton.
Oh no, Royal Dalton. Sorry.
He collects them. Timothy,
Personal friend of mine. Actually.
What can I say? It's got a lid.
I could probably put some sugar in
that. Or snuff out a candle. Maybe.
Not really much more I can say about
it. Really? I'm getting really fed up.
I mean,
It's got some holes in the lid
if anyone's interested. I'm not.
You might be. I've seen
the way you look at it.
You want it, don't you?
Is it the spout? Yeah,
it's your dirty urchin. Yeah. Well
you can make noises as well. You can.
Oh shit.
I said it was worth 25 pence. It's
probably worth about three PEs.
Now I've just broken a bit of it off.
That suits me that.
Hello, my name is Eloise.
This is where I was born.
No, not in the field,
but well you'll see in a moment is he,
My dad was an inventor and once upon
a time he invented something really
amazing. It made a lot of money and we
lived in a big house in the country.
But the trouble was dad never ever
invented anything else that made any more
money. And then one day dad
asked his favourite child,
There's always a favourite
to help and well,
something awful happened.
Well, that was seven years ago,
and now we've come home to where
it all started back home at
Dark Heart manner.
Yes, yes, yes. Don't worry,
you'll have the necklace.
Yes, she did wear them.
I'll do my best. I.
Silence.
Hello.
How are you?
All right, thanks.
So here we are then back home.
It's Shane. We only come.
Back here when something bad happens.
Something bad is what sent us all away.
Darling, can you get
my pastina out please?
Hi Carl.
Get mine as well. Will you, Colin?
Right? Anyways. Have you got the keys?
I'm not standing out here anymore.
We're in here somewhere.
Come on, Mary Poppins. They're
probably hidden under the hat stand.
Bottom.
Key doesn't seem to work.
So how's Colin?
Oh, same as usual.
Ah, is he not coming in?
He's just unpacking the waitress shopping.
Waitrose.
Yeah,
I had the foresight to pick some things
up at our local one after he'd come back
from Cowells last night. I knew no one
else would think about it. So come on,
Eloise.
Dad might have changed the locks again.
I just want to get somewhere. There
is potentially some central heating.
Colin Pina.
Is my tooth chi.
Are you being serious? Why would
you think you've chipped your tooth?
Tell him it's fallen out. I think I did
it when I was getting outta the car.
On what? Your ego.
Does it feel different when your.
Tongue limit. Run your tongue along it.
It feels a bit jagged, but
Oh, it's alright, don't worry.
It's just about these TP awards.
I wondered how long it was gonna
take to say the word awards.
What.
Awards? What awards? Oh.
Did you not read about it in heat?
I can't repeat heat. What
awards he talk you about?
I've got these best daytime TV
presenter awards tomorrow night, right?
Is this that auction thing you do? Oh.
You've seen it, have you?
Well, no, but I think someone
mentioned it. I don't watch daytime tv.
Well, neither do I. I'm on it.
Jesus.
Bloody draughts doors always slamming.
I had hope Dad might have fixed that.
I remember dad saying the slamming doors
were caused by the restless soul of a
gamekeeper walled up in the cell for.
Poaching. Dad was good at
not adding to hysteria.
He told me that the slamming was the
house protecting itself against the
invaders.
When were you last here?
Seven years ago. Toms, you know.
You haven't been to
see dad in seven years.
When did you last see dad? Easy
to point the finger, isn't it?
I guess he was on Tell.
I'm having my old run.
Okay,
now you've gotta look straight up and
try not to get anything on the edge of
your vision. What?
Like.
Trees? Now trees are right out. It's
gotta be sky only. Sky. Got it? Yep.
Just.
Go. Okay, now picture the world.
It's a huge ball and you're lying
on top of that ball looking up
into space, but the world is round.
Now imagine what it would be like if you
were lying on the bottom of that ball
looking down into infinity.
What.
You mean like upside.
Down? Yeah, absolutely.
And only gravity is holding
you from falling off into
the bottomless of forever.
Can you feel it? It's sort
of like an optical illusion.
You've gotta really believe it.
That's really weird. I
feel like I'm looking down.
Okay,
now you've gotta look straight up trying
to get anything else in your vision.
Just sky.
Okay, now you really good at it.
You feel like you're about
to fall off the planet.
Oh.
My God, I just felt like I was levitating.
That's.
So wicked.
That's.
Really what laugh happens.
If I really believe it.
I suppose you just fall off into space.
Laugh.
Now really concentrate on one particular
bit of sky and really think hard about
it being below you instead of above you.
Hello.
Niece. What? It's Uncle Simon.
Oh, Uncle Simon.
You're up late, aren't you? It.
Is lunch time.
What? Oh, listen.
Something's happened.
Look, I'm up for best daytime
presenter. This isn't about you.
Really, Yesian.
It's all about who you are with and
how good she looks and you know it.
What if you do win and I'm
wearing the expensive diamonds.
I can't right now. I've
got a call for sister.
Not that stupid boring
one you told me about.
No, the other one. Eloise.
She's got no fashion.
Since.
I've gotta go. Your.
Whole family's.
Rubbish. Donna.
Or I'm gone.
Hello dear sister, what
can I do for you? It's.
About dad. He's a,
He's dead. I'm sorry.
Somehow dad, I've.
Got a feeling that
everything's gonna change.
Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna. I dunno what you see
in her yet. She's awful.
She's a bit rough around the
edges, but she cares for me.
I hate her hair. Plastic hair can't
stand it. And a noticeable Ack.
She's so desperate. Proper, desperate.
You can actually smell the desperation.
You can smell it. Wanna.
Do you mind? I've just had this.
Look, you know, know as station manager,
You should really be taking me to
the awards. Not miss Circle of Shame.
You're going to the awards
with who? Donna. Donna. Donna.
I know. We told him. Look, take me
to the awards or lose me forever.
My heart's in the right place. What?
In Silicon Valley. I mean.
What? Mr. Jones? I'm
Sally Sneed from M gtv.
I was just wondering, could you spare
a sec to talk to us about the awards?
That'd be brilliant.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Any publicity's? Good
publicity. Mr. Jones. Talk.
About Knack.
Knack. Thank you. I'd be happy to. Cool.
Great. Barry. Okay.
Hi,
I'm Sally Sneed and I'm here with best
daytime TV presenter nominee Yesian
Jones.
Hello, Sally.
Now the viewers at home have
one burning question to ask.
Yes.
What will Donna be wearing to the awards?
God.
And why are you named after a book?
It's not after a book. My grandfather,
Jeremiah Jones was a pilot and my dad.
I'm sorry, but dad's gone. We're all
busy. We need to clear the house,
sell it, and move on.
What do you mean sell the house?
You can't.
Sell the house. It's
dad's life. It's our life.
And this could be worth millions Suki.
Well, the way the market's
looking at the moment,
I think it's probably worth two mil.
But then we are gonna be stung for
a lot of inheritance. Tax vultures.
That's 500 grand each.
500 grand each.
Look, we can't sell the house.
Dad wouldn't want us to do that.
It's nothing to do with dad anymore.
We didn't do enough for
dad when he was alive.
So maybe now we should make more
of an effort. Now he's dead. That.
Doesn't make any sense.
500 Grand each.
Half a million could do a lot with that.
What are you expecting us to do?
Open it up as a stately home and
masal Liam to a mad professor.
Please don't talk. I don't like.
That. You can't realistically
think of keeping it on.
It's gonna take staff to run it
and look after that massive garden.
So you are just living in La la land. No.
Now you promised you wouldn't say
that. Look, I'm not a child anymore,
so don't treat me like what? Girls?
Girls. I can get someone from my
show to have a look at everything.
See if anything has any value.
Money. That's all you ever think about.
What are the practicalities
of what you're suggesting?
Well, I can call Nick knacks and we can
get the good stuff taken to the studio.
It'll.
All have to be audited and itemised.
No guys, Guys, you've
all got loads of stuff.
I don't have any stuff.
So we don't wanna get rid of the
stuff because this is our stuff.
Eloquently put. Look,
I don't have any stuff.
I've got this bed and a weird armchair
that smells so we can't just let
strangers come in here and
go step away. Okay? Cherry.
Pick the stuff you want. Now.
What happened seven years ago?
Destroyed this family.
It's the only.
Would anyone ever want to come
back to the scene of Tom's.
Death? It's not the scene of Tom's death.
It's the only thing that's gonna keep
us together. Otherwise, what is it?
An email every six months if that.
Come on. I've gotta pack up.
Let's have a really good look around
the place first. See what there is.
Fine. I'll order it as we go. Are
we gonna go together or separately?
Together? Fine.
We didn't even talk about dad.
Death. Is it the end or a
gateway to something else?
I once asked dad what
happens after we die?
He told me we get married in the
mud and worms eat our bodies.
I guess he didn't want to tell me the
truth that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally. He probably
didn't want to upset me.
I.
Think Rub Chan.
I love that one with me and dad.
We got any more keys? Can't
seem to get into dad's.
Lab. No, the front door key.
I wonder where they are.
There's a whole.
Load of keys in a drawer over there.
Oh.
I can't get in there either. Where they,
No luck. None.
You know where we haven't looked?
Tom's room.
Doesn't.
Feel right being here.
Do you think that maybe
if the world's okay,
then I might be able to turn this
place into a hotel or a hostel.
Maybe an artist retreat.
I'd be good at that.
We could rename the house,
break the curse of dark heart
manner once and for all.
If that's what you want.
I promise I'll help.
Look at this. The yellow by plane's gone.
Look.
Oh my God, it's back over there. How?
Maybe one of dad's inventions.
Oh my God.
It won't do it if we'll walk it.
S
That's freaky deaky.
Come on, we can look at this
tomorrow. I've gotta get this.
Hi. Sorry darling. No,
I was just talking to no,
not another woman. No.
Eloise, my sister.
The hangar.
We're not allowed in there without dad.
Dad's not around to stop us from going in.
I've gotta go.
Wow.
I love.
This place so much.
Can't believe how grubby it is.
Something feels really weird.
I think dad was low. I mean really low.
This magazine says 2004.
2004. That was the last
time I was here. Me too.
Not me. Why would he stop flying the
plane? It doesn't make any sense.
Poor old tongue.
Old. He was 22.
He died. He don't get
much older than that.
Excuse been me that died.
I for God's sake. Come on, let's get
inside. Don't be ridiculous. Look.
Wait, we need to talk about this. Not.
In here. I'm freezing. Look, Dad clearly
hasn't set foot in here for years.
Let's get inside quickly.
I don't get it. Well.
Fine. We'll leave you here then.
Wait, wait.
What? Now.
You and me in the tree.
She called you out. You have to
go to the tree. It's the rules.
Oh, it doesn't get any smaller
laugh. I would it. Well,
you know when you get older things
that were big as a kid. Yeah.
Like waggon wheels.
God, it was magical wasn't it?
It's just a place to go away from
the house. It wasn't special. Really?
Why do you always do that?
Just being practical.
Be beep gum builder.
Let me say always the right
thing and never the wrong thing.
I'm not trying to say the
right and I am never angry.
You asked me a question, didn't you?
Did you or did you not ask me
if I thought it was magical?
Yeah.
And no I didn't because I
realised it's just a tree.
I am a wise woman. I know everything.
I realise that a tree is just a tree and
anyone can sit up just being pragmatic.
Brag.
Somebody had something.
Burnt. Marta again. Beep laugh.
Look how magic this place
was. Don't you remember?
We were happy here. How
could you all leave?
Hang on. You left two. Yeah.
But I was 17. I didn't have
a clue what was going on.
All I knew is that Tom had died,
Mum had left and dad was going mad.
Hey, don't pass any blame onto
us guys. Please don't argue.
Because we were older,
we could see what was going on
and had to deal with it too.
Oh, shut up.
Laugh. We're not putting up with this.
Me neither. This is why we left.
Guys.
Hello.
Hello.
I'm Rupert Deadlock from Deadlock and
Roberts. I've come to talk about Mr.
Jones' estate. I spoke to Mr. Simon Jones.
Hello.
Uncle Simon.
Stay here. Thanks.
Zuki. Alzheimer's henchman has arrived.
M circling already. Huh? Hello. I'm Zuki
the youngest daughter. This is Colin,
my husband.
Hello everyone.
After the death of a person proceedings
start to execute the will and distribute
any wealth and assets. Now,
you may or may not know that your
father did leave a will and now
that the police are satisfied
that there was no foul play.
What do you mean no foul play?
The verdict was death by mis adventure.
He electro kissed himself.
You didn't. He didn't know that.
No. How could we,
Uncle Simon just called me
and then I called the others.
I thought you could've
spoken to the police.
Why?
Just thought you would've.
We didn't even get to go to the funeral.
Uncle Simon took so
bloody long to tell us.
Funeral. There hasn't been a funeral.
The body's still at the mortuary.
Please just get on with the will.
We can sort the rest of
this mess out later. Fine.
Fine. Now your father, Mr.
John,
Jeremy James Jones had planned
to leave the house to all the
children to be divided equally.
But
he was conducting some very expensive
research these last seven years.
The bank bailed him out several
times but it had to stop.
Stop.
Yes. Stop.
He defaulted on several
loan repayments. Loans.
I never borrowed any money.
You mean it isn't Towers?
Yes. I'm sorry.
The bank owns the house.
He was 200,000 pounds behind with
the loan repayment. 200,000 pounds.
And what are they going to.
Do with it?
Well, I think the plan is
demolish the house demo.
There's a property developer who's had
die on the area for quite a while now.
Demolish the house.
Building a shopping
arcade or something. Well,
we have to get our money back somehow.
What's the time scale?
I'm sorry, but you're gonna have
to start moving out straight away.
You've got a few days to
vacate and demolition.
Demolition commences on the.
11Th. Get out. Get out.
Of my house.
I'm just the messenger.
Yes. Then so off. So off Mercury.
The
No.
You'll.
Regret that. I'll have you out
for assault. This is a new suit.
Oh,
laugh. I can't.
Believe dad spent our.
House. God, he really messed up.
Didn't he? How could he have spent 200 K?
We have to get into dad's lap.
We need to find out what the
hell he spent all our money on.
D Oh.
Laugh.
Oh, I can go my, Oh.
Can someone get that.
Morning? Bloody long drive You got here.
I should be paid by the mile to
do this job. I help you. Yeah.
Could you sign for this please?
Okay.
And this heavy one sign again please.
And one more.
How many more of these things are.
There's actually this one.
Another bloody lots. One more
sign perfectly with your name this time.
Sure.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Okay.
You got the necklace?
Yes darling.
It better be the one that Posh
had Buck said that he could get me
Kylie's Tiara.
From. Yeah. Well I'm sure
Buck can do a lot of things,
but I've got the diamonds you wanted.
Okay, good. See you tomorrow.
What's that all about?
I thought I saw Tom.
Tom. What did he look like?
Well, you know like Tom.
Tom then Not Tom. Now.
That's a stupid question.
Tom then alive Tom and he was all.
A what.
Without.
A focus. Blurry. I couldn't
really see him properly.
He but he walk like Tom.
You okay? Yes. Look at Tad Peaky.
Just had a bit of a shock. That's.
All electric. No, he just thought
he saw someone in the garden.
Is anyone seen the so key for dad's.
Lap?
What's this clown meeting for?
Thought I saw someone look like Tom.
I don't think this is funny. I'm.
Not trying to be funny.
Just the house staring up memories.
Why do you have to be so logical?
Because.
Without logical people, the
world wouldn't function.
This family wouldn't function.
This family doesn't function. It
could have been a ghost. Tom's ghost.
And then what? Talk of ghosts.
And poor old Tom. I don't like it.
Forget it. I've gotta make some calls.
Good. Turn for the key.
Let's see what else can find.
You. Okay.
It's all so, it's so awful. I mean,
Tom and mum and now dad. I mean if
someone doesn't make any bloody decisions,
then what? It's okay. So there's
always been me, the sensible one.
Sorting everything out,
never having any fun. Maybe.
We can have a nice few days
here. Say goodbye to your dad.
This house, it's wretched house. It
just makes me feel like I'm a failure.
No, no. Eloise has failed in love
and work and well everything.
Yours will never be the TV God He
so wants. And mom died and dad died.
And Tom, my little brother,
he failed to have an existence and
I failed to have a family. Jesus us.
What a bunch of failures
we've turned out to be.
It's supposed to be a bloody holiday.
It's so typical of daddy's bloody
selfish. Even after death is stupid.
Inventions bug everything up.
It was his inventions that bought
the house in the first place.
God sake. Colin, you're as bad as Eloise.
Come on then. Go and check the
pantry. I can't do it on my own.
I've got you a van.
One of Nick NA's productions assistants
will drive it around on Sunday.
Cuz everyone has to be back at work
on Monday apart for you. Of course.
How big is it?
Oh, thank you you and it's very kindly,
but just sort of van out for me. Lovely.
You are a nice brother.
How big is it?
Like a transit van, not a.
Loise.
Would you like me to put you together a
basic starter kit to someone living on
their own cooking? Thanks.
I've been eating my own
food since I was 17.
And you're still not dead.
So I'm simply asking,
would you like me to pick you out
a frying pan and some utensils?
I'd like one of those forks. That's.
A spoon.
A spo.
You'll have to go to mills for
that. I'll be in the kitchen.
I'm going to go upstairs, see
if I can find something useful.
Dad once said a home is only
a home because of its ghosts.
Who are the echoes of people
snag behind like wool on a nail.
Without them, it's just a house.
He also said treat each day
as your last because one day
you'll be right.
What are we gonna do with
all this stuff, Collin?
EBay.
Not helpful, Cole. I actually
don't wanna get rid of it.
Most of stuff is rubbish.
Why keep it memories?
This was mum's. I dunno.
It's just not how it should end.
It isn't the end. You get to
choose when the chapter ends.
Do you wanna hand with anything?
Yeah. Actually can you take this
chair down to the hall for me?
Careful though. I think
it might be antique.
Oh is it?
Oh I don't mean I have any
value. I just mean it's old.
I think I've seen Mine is on the show.
I like it. It's gonna be my reading chair.
Yeah. Well I think I might like to leave
this here if it doesn't fit in the van
perhaps.
Do you want it?
Well, it's something I could do.
You want it?
Well, if it doesn't fit in.
The van, do you want it?
Yes. I would quite like it. Yes. What for?
We've we're doing a chair
week on Knicknacks chair.
But I want it and I do not
wanna hear about your weird
sorted chair week. I actually
want to sit on it. Well.
Could I just bore it then?
Bring it back after show. You.
Said you didn't want any of this
Chuffing tat. So I'm having it.
Sorry, I better get this.
Do you remember that one? Why
did you put the phone down on me?
Do you.
Remember this cd?
You wanna come over here?
I remember that one.
Do you remember this Cole?
Yes I do. Unfortunately.
Laugh.
Can you just give us a bit of
time? What was my favourite song?
Let go. Like do you remember the words?
What the.
Words? I used to play this all the time.
I remember my sleep. I used
to remember this classic.
The bravest.
Animals in this land would.
Captain be Andand. There's Tim.
Breakfast rats.
Artful Hour.
Guys.
You said no.
About his Sid laugh was the noise
just singing? Do you remember this?
We used to play it all the time.
We were so annoying. You did?
I'm gonna get CD from the car.
Hello? Hello?
I say hello. Hello.
Guess who I found
Dad's lap. Wow.
This is amazing. Don't
forget. Found the key.
Careful just careful.
Okay. You dunno what
your father was working.
On?
Come on.
It was probably some new type of
milk container or maybe salate.
That doesn't tear your lip off
when you try and bite it in two.
Well, I don't like it.
It gives me the willies.
Oh my God.
Look.
Oh dear.
It's it's all plugged in. inaudible.
Oh look, it's.
Dad. Password please. Password. Any ideas?
Snowy.
Snowy?
Yeah. Tinting and snowy.
Okay. Nope.
It is. It's tinting and snowy.
Okay. Does it have a number.
Then? Oh snowy threes number three.
Thank you. Huh? How did you know that?
Was it just your dad?
Huh? It says there's a component missing.
What does it look like?
How the hell should I know you knob?
Look, I've gotta keep
an eye on the dinner.
Let me know if you see
anything interesting.
So this is what dad spent
all our inheritance on.
What the hell? It looks like some sort of,
Oh it's mom.
What were you doing at the special tree?
I saw a man.
Zuki. What do you mean you saw a man?
There was a man. It was weird.
He looked sort of outta focus.
Thought I'd leave Al to get
on with it. You right. Cool.
Look ladies see a ghost.
Well done. Very well done.
What did I do?
Colin's got a bit of a
problem with the paranormal.
The paranormal?
Yeah. There was an incident
at college that upset him.
Oh yeah. Well I like the
sound of an incident.
Oh God. If you could get your mind
out of the gutter for just one second,
it would make all our
lives so much better.
I'm hurt by that remark. Anyway.
Tell me of this incident.
I'm at college.
Colin tried to make a bit of
money by faking some ghost photos.
What?
Like Darren Brown, fraudulent
mediums and all that. Bullock.
Sort of he and offended it
and they made a bit of money.
Only Colin thought his mate.
Carl was doing the photos,
but he wasn't.
Oh, sorry. I don't follow you.
Carl wasn't making the
pictures. Colin was.
Carl was making the pictures. Yes.
Without knowing it.
When he found out he had a
bit of a panic attack and
now he thinks he's a psychic photographer.
Laugh Colin Cole. Psychic.
I know. I shouldn't have told
you. Look, he gets upset about it.
Why is he always taking photos then?
He won't take photos of people.
Only things.
Oh, that's brilliant. Just when
you think you work somebody.
Else. Look,
if you ever tell Colin that I
told you I will cut your balls.
Off.
This is ridiculous. I have
a clue what I'm doing.
Dad once told me he was writing
a book about anti-gravity.
He said it was impossible to put down.
And then I saw a picture of Tom
and it all began to make sense.
Smells this. It's just savoury,
mince. Keeping it simple.
You're not vegetarian at the
moment. Are you one of these?
Huh? As we're all here in this house.
Post toast to mum,
to dad to dead. Tom. I
do. We wouldn't say that.
Don't call him dead Tom. Okay.
Poor Tom then. That's better.
Much better to poor.
What means your life
Chip should be pleased.
Someone's out there.
Hello Helloe.
How many times do we have
to flash until he goes away?
Haven't seen you since our wedding.
You see how long.
Then? You remember.
Shagging my bridesmaid.
Soy. I am deeply hurt.
That was an accident.
Come. Oh, be nice. I bought
chocolates and booze.
Yes. Oh, little to laugh.
Oh lovely. What have we got here? Ooh.
Yeah. Yum. Yum. Pigs bum. Help yourself.
Thank you
to my brother James.
Today. Today.
Very nice. So where have
you been anyway? Simon
been travelling a lot of
work overseas. Oh yeah.
Where?
Well, I went to Paris, which
was beautiful. Amsterdam,
which was beautiful.
Munich, which was beautiful.
Warsaw, which was
depressing. You like Warsaw.
Uhhuh, very funny.
And now I'm back just like
you. And the house needs salti.
40 years of secrets here.
Maybe you and me tomorrow we
could relive the old times. Yeah.
Go back up the special tree.
Why is it the special tree
anyway? I mean there's hundreds.
Because dad put a seat in it and
we could see the house and not
be seen from the house.
No, that's not why it's the special tree.
It's because when you are in the tree
you feel something special. Something
something magic. The first
time that I went up there,
I felt this thing brush against my face.
It was sort of like a butterfly wing,
but bigger. Oh what? Like a leaf on
a branch? No, like a butterfly wing,
but bigger.
And then I saw something and it was
sort of small and quite and quite
squirrly. What? Like.
A squirrel?
No, not like a squirrel. I saw,
I really thought I saw something.
What?
At the end of the story. I mean you
really thought you saw something.
No. Cause I'm not gonna tell you the rest
of the story cuz SU's just to ruin it.
Well I.
Want to hear more about
the tree, the special tree.
Okay.
Carry on now.
Okay. Well
when I told dad about the
butterfly wing against my face,
he built me a fairy trap. It was
such a load of old nonsense jealousy.
Hardly. I mean, she was about 10.
Yes, I was 10. Thank you. But I
mean, come on. Why anything then?
Why Father Christmas? Why the
tooth fairy? Why eat ice cream?
Why didn't you sit in the dark eating
bread and butter banging your head against
a brick.
Wall? You're just being obtuse.
Why even imagine anything? Why read a
book? Why you just burn all the books?
Ding.
Ding. Round two 10 is far
too old for a fairy trap.
Dad knew that. And there's
no such thing as fairies.
One just died. Well, I believed him then
he made me a fairy chap. Cause
he knew that I wanted one.
He could have got me something
like a barbie, which was real,
but rubbish he got made me
something I would want. Well,
you and he got better than me. He
mean he what? With the grammar.
Oh, sorry. Sorting off.
Ladies.
That's just typical of that living
in a fantasy world populated by
fairies is just building up hopes and
dreams when ultimately they're gonna be
dashed.
Not a so schizophrenic, little
really mentally disturbed.
You get over that stuff.
So what happened to the fairy trap?
Well,
I thought I'd set it really
late night before I went to bed.
And one day Tom and I woke
up and we went down to the
fairy trap and.
There was a fairy trapped in
the trap. And dad set her free.
I remember saying, I fly off.
It was amazing. Will I never
saw anything like that.
Maybe you were too busy not
believing in the unbelievable.
I only went out the tree
to get away from you. Law.
You spoiled the tree. Miss sour face.
He loved you. You know,
killed him when Tom died.
Killed him even more.
When each one of you left.
Do you know what he was working on?
No. That it was complicated and expensive.
Something. Something.
Something. What?
Something.
Bad.
Don't be ridiculous.
Some of those components cost a fortune.
He.
Keeps talking about crossing the void
and jumping. Space time, stuff like that.
Oh, that was into all kinds
of stuff. Space travel,
parallel universes. Time and travel.
Alternative dimension. Time travel.
You don't think.
No.
Dad was working on a time machine.
To go back and save Tom before.
He killed him. That's just stupid.
I mean, listen to yourselves.
Time travel. You've.
Been watching too much. Dr.
Who? I quite like the new
doctor. What do you think?
Well, well it's not
Ryan. Tom Baker is the.
Best. Oh, you have to admit tenant was.
Excellent. Yeah, I really
love the gay garlic episode.
Dad wasn't working on a time machine.
What?
He wasn't working on a
time machine. It says here
he was working on a
machine to get to the dead.
World.
He was trying to find out
where you go when you die.
He was trying to get to the afterlife.
Trick or treat what.
Trick or treat.
But it isn't even Halloween. It's.
Not Halloween.
Mom said we can't go out
dress like this on Halloween.
And H it isn't Halloween.
So we're dress like this. Okay.
Drink or treat.
Well, we haven't got any sweets.
It's okay. Right.
Boy Christ. I need
that. Like off the tell.
Oh yes.
My gra likes you.
Sort off your little shits.
Who was that? Nothing. Just a fan.
So who was it?
It was the grim Reaper.
That's not important.
What.
Have we got there?
Component 63,702.
I think this is the missing
part of dad's computer.
Dad must have ordered it before he died
weeks ago. And it's only just arrived.
Let's try that.
Now we can finish the machine.
Okay. You take the study for
any other notebooks. Suki.
Put.
The cat on.
Look at this.
You.
Oh, that's no way to
talk to your granddad,
is it? I wouldn't do that if I was you.
He never did get it Earthed
properly. I did tell him.
I.
I, Are you really?
Yes darling. It's me.
Your girl. Silly.
No.
I'm dead. I know. Your dad
was a very clever man. What.
Did dad do?
Your dad, She had done,
she speaking to the day he
wanted to talk to Tom. Just.
Bloody hell.
Those little trick or treaters
slashed Uncle Simon's tyres.
He's out there now with
Colin. They're not happy.
Zuki. You need to see this.
Anne.
Well.
Well, I thought dad was working on
some sort of time machine. Like, Well,
we discussed it, supper. And I thought
maybe he was going this bit mental.
And I was looking at everything
and it was so confusing.
And then I looked at this be jar.
Looks like a lava me.
And that is a lava lamp.
This.
Is a beacon.
And granddad's face
appeared out of nowhere.
Right? Well, you got
something serious to say. Oh.
For one second. Open your tiny mind.
I thought you were actually gonna say
something important because now you're
talking bollocks.
She's telling the truth. Oh.
Oh. It's typical of you two ganging up
on me trying to make me look stupid.
Dad made a machine for
talking to the dead.
Nonsense.
Look, I was sitting here and I
pressed this button and touched this.
And then a spark flew and grandad was
talking to me and he was like, Oh,
hey Eloise. How's it going?
Granddad never spoke like that.
Maybe not to you. He always
spoke to me like that. It's.
Gotta be a special effect. I mean,
dad's just transferred some old C films
and made it into a little screen or
something.
Dad never filmed granddads.
I mean, it's just like a mini imax.
An imax.
Yeah. I mean, it's a circular thing.
In a jar. An IMAX in a jar.
Yeah, easily.
I don't understand how wy wi things go
up in the sky and land down in a mobile
phone. But why don't it be something
like that? Or living will thing.
Why don't you just show up?
Turn it on. It's just a screen.
Honey.
Look, I swear to you,
I'm telling the truth.
It scared me.
At death.
Sees amazing.
laugh is the feeling
of mini film Granddad.
You love.
Oh my God.
God is wonderful to see.
For again and Suki Suki love kill
any great grandchildren.
No. No. Not yet. Should. And I have
been thinking about it, but Jesus,
I'm talking to a jar.
Any should know about.
It's a long story, Granddad. Maybe we
could have a drink and a smoke together.
I haven't had those cigarettes in your.
Boy. I could give you some.
I've got some back in my.
Room. Stop. That's ridiculous. You can't
talk back to him and give him things.
He's a bloody hologram or something.
My God. It's nice to dead.
He's hellish.
Zuki.
He's talking.
To us.
It's, It's a recording.
That's a nice scar you've got.
Oh Jesus Christ.
That colour really goes with your jumper.
No.
He hasn't lost his sense of.
Humour.
Understand. I don't.
No, no, no. I don't understand.
Now don't stop it. Stop it. Stop.
It.
What the hell did you do that for?
Don't understand it. I don't understand.
It. Getting in back, Getting in back.
Al. I don't think we should
mention this to Simon or Colin.
Okay.
So the little bastard.
What's wrong with the lights?
Blown a fuse.
I'll fix them. Yes, you
do that. I'll do that.
Colin will do that.
I'll do that then.
Something.
Weird though. Mom's bracelet.
All the diamonds are gone.
Maybe your dad was using the diamonds
in his machine. Weird and weirder.
Sometimes I feel my life is an open book,
but it's very poorly written
and I die in the end.
Hello.
Hello.
Now I'm hearing voices. Oh dear.
You's gonna, Don't you think we should
try and have an laugh about all this?
No. Why are you just sold off?
Oh, come on.
What's he up to? What's he looking for?
Cheers.
laugh.
You won't be sorry. You asked me to.
Come. I didn't ask you.
To come then you won't
be sorry. Then will you.
Laugh.
I'm thinking about mom.
I've been thinking it's
okay to miss her now.
I mean, to forget her.
Think of her as mom again.
Just wanna remember the fun stuff.
Like the pond incident.
Oh God, the pond. That
was wonderful. Dad, what.
Did you hear that?
Hear what.
Sounded like. Dad.
Dad. Dad. What are you, Tom?
That's me. Now stop it, Tom.
Don't leave me. Leave mes me.
Leave me. Leave me leave. Wait,
wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?
Jesus, Eloise.
He scared me.
What are you doing?
Ah, I couldn't sleep. You
know, just looking around.
What.
Are you doing with dad's stuff?
He was my brother. I miss until
he borrowed a lot of money from me.
I just wanted to find
out what I spent it on.
Well.
I've been going through all the files.
It shouldn't take me more than a day or
two to figure out what's been going on.
It's the little battlefields
that leave the biggest scar.
School rooms,
bedrooms,
misunderstandings.
Like your father killing
your brother. Yeah,
I know what you mean.
Night.
Night uncle. Hi,
I'm Sally Sneed and I'm here
with best daytime TV presenter,
nominee Roger Laslow Smith.
You've got one of the best jobs. How
would you describe getting up for work?
How do you feel every day? Tired. Tired?
Yeah. If I have to be up at four 30
every morning, forget that. Well,
it's not what I planned. It wasn't,
wasn't my chosen career path. Well,
is it nice if you nominate for something
that you don't really want to do?
Yes. It's very nice. Sorry, I.
It's a huge.
Honour. It's an honour. Yes. Yes.
And I would love to win the award. Just.
Morning sleep head.
Where is everyone.
Gone to inspect the special tree?
Well, I've got my fingers crossed.
You're my favourite. Okay.
Thank you so much. And best of luck.
Can I just see you later in your lovely.
Wife? Yes. Yes. It will be on
the red carpet. I'll be, I.
Had a weird dream last night.
Do you mind? I'm trying to
watch the end of this programme.
I know the girl in it.
Oh, excuse me. I'm sure wouldn't want
to interrupt your precious programming.
I'll just stand here and not
I Should't make another sound.
Thank you. It's been a pleasure.
Thank you.
Oh dear. Maybe you sa might
actually win it's buck.
He's really fit.
Thank you so much, Mike,
for taking some time out and
sparing minutes before your.
Busy day. All that stuff
that happened last night.
And you are just watching
bollocks tv. Are.
You excited? Are you
nervous about later on?
I very rarely get nervous.
I should stay here perfectly.
Still shouldn't say another word.
Sorry, Jones. Are you worried?
Is he something to worry about?
Staring is all I've got to worry
about. I haven't got a problem.
Oh, I see. I see. Fighting talk.
We like that, man. Confidence. Now,
what I really wanna know is that,
will you be bringing a special
ladies or someone in your life?
Do I start a chop?
So you know me a special.
It's.
Just that last night we discovered a
telephone that could talk to the dead.
I think it might be rather important. Yes.
But nevermind. I'm voting
on you anyway. All.
Right. We'll actually.
See you later.
I'm sure it can make us a
really, really lot of money.
Best of luck. Good luck. Buck laugh. It.
Rhymes. I know.
Laugh. It rhymes, doesn't.
It? Yeah. Thank you.
Let's go check it out.
Can't you get him back?
Yeah. Uber. Oh, Elvis.
Elvis. It's a radio. Dad built
it. We We've just got it.
Working again and heard Elvis.
And her Elvis.
But it doesn't matter now cuz
Suki broke it. So it's bugger.
Elvis.
I might have a better idea what your
dad was working on than you have.
We should all pool our ideas,
see what we come up with.
Now what does that do?
That well? That I
Well, I don't know.
Look, I know your dad was
using diamonds as capacitors.
I know crystalline synthetic diamond
is the highest thermal conductivity
of any known solid at room temperature.
How do you know that?
Your dad told me. I thought
diamonds were forever.
Diamonds are definitely not
forever. Shirley Bassett laugh,
He was pissing his money away.
But I didn't know he was
going on such a grand scale.
Even using your mom's jewellery.
Why don't you go and grab yourself a box
and help yourself do anything you like.
We're gonna be ages on this.
What? Really?
Elvis laugh.
We need a diamond to get
the machine working again.
SU's engagement ring.
SU's engagement ring.
Absolutely not. No way.
Look, it won't get ruined.
We just need to borrow it.
This is ridiculous. Talking to spirits.
We can't find out if it really was
granddad because you broke the machine.
If it was granddad.
Granddad said it was nice
to see all four of us.
It wasn't granddad.
When it comes to psychic
stuff, I think it's all BOLs.
But even I think something
very weird is going on.
Yes. Thank you. Joss
Granddad said four of us.
I assumed he meant Colin, but.
Colin wasn't in.
The room. There was one.
Me and me. That's two.
And of course me three and
me four. So that's three.
Hello? And me. Four.
Yes.
Oh yeah. I love that.
Careful.
Soki. We're leaving right.
Now. Colin, what's.
Wrong? Are you coming or not? Colin?
Yes or no? Hi, yes or no? What's.
That, Colin? I have to pack when
there's a waitress shopping and fudge.
White trs. I'm leaving now.
Colin.
Oh.
He is really captured my spirit there.
Oh my God.
That's a good one of me.
Tom.
I see some colour in my
cheeks instead of maggots.
He's here with us now.
I have been trying to tell
you guys, I see live people.
They're everywhere.
Zuki,
Zuki. We need to speak to granddad again.
We need to find out what
the hell dad did to Tom.
He made a machine that sucked my soul
from the dead world and trapped her hair
and sucked his soul into the dead
world. It's quite simple. Really?
Laugh.
Come on you too.
Oh
surprise.
Who's that? It's.
Your slutty girlfriend.
Hi, sexy.
I'm Donna with two Ns.
Hi Paul. With two Ps.
Oh. So you don't be like
that. Oh, it's okay.
Lots of girls are jealous of me until
they get to know me. Fancy drink.
Danish Gossiping for Coke. Zero.
I'll have a cup. Get her out.
Now.
What the hell is that?
I was trying to get that picture off
the wall and the bloody thing fell in my
head. I was looking for
something. Keep the swelling down.
All I could find was this
frozen hot cross bun.
Laugh. Hello?
Hello.
I'm Simon. You can call Mey.
Could you help me? This thing. It
stuck on my head, not you. Yeah.
Bill.
Come here. I'll sort you out.
Thank you.
What's.
Bitten her?
I don't think she wants me to go.
Well, it's not really any
of her business, is it?
Oh. Oh yeah. Oh, that's,
Oh God, that's, that's so
much better. Thank you.
Was she always the str? Si.
No. Well, you know she had problems as
a child. She was, It was a bed wetter.
laugh.
Do you think it,
if I take a picture
that Tom will be there?
Tom.
If you're here, will you let us know?
I'd.
Love to. Well,
I'm sorry I miss you so much.
I wish I could be with you.
Don't.
Get it. We know he's here.
It won't work. Colin's not here. Colin.
He's the link. He made
the pictures possible.
He's a psychic photographer.
And wishes he wasn't.
We've gotta get a move
on. It's getting late.
Yeah, I've got some stuff to do.
What stuff?
Well, you know, family stuff.
Family stuff. Babe, we've
been planning this for months.
It's going to be Sodding amazing. Come on.
This was meant to be our
romantic night together.
Just the two of us on tv.
We can watch it on TV here.
Okay. Please don't ever speak to
me like that ever again. Okay,
so you're having a spas moment.
So I'm gonna give you half
an hour to calm down here.
Then we are going to these Sodding awards.
How important are you and I?
You're getting all.
Or what?
I thought we were going out on
the town, getting in magazines,
having loads of fun. It is fun, isn't it?
It's fun. Yeah, but I'm sure
there's room for other things.
You mean you want me to
have kids and be fat?
Well, not fat particularly.
You mean you want to ruin my
career before it's even started?
You are so frigging selfish. No,
this was supposed to be our night
to finally get the sodding exposure.
We've been dreaming of our whole lives.
Don't pretend this doesn't
mean stuff to you. Come on.
What? You're giving me the Gucci glasses.
Serious sweet laugh. I
give you half an hour, right?
Babe?
This connection feels a bit weak.
But we put a new diamond in.
I don't think it's a very good one.
Look, granddad, we know Tom's
here or his ghost anyway.
Yeah, I was Okay going to tell you.
But someone unplugged me.
Your father was trying
to find Donald so he
could say Solomon, but it went wrong.
Your dad's machine broke it
into the dead world killing him.
And suck Tom into this
world. Like an exchange.
When your dad found me, I
thought he'd been looking for me.
But no, it was just a wrong number.
A wrong number.
Missing digit in the celestial dna.
Frigging dialling coat.
Being here is unimaginable.
I don't want to be here anymore.
So now we need to get at your dad.
So out here,
send both Tom,
your dad off to Paris
or Dad and he's stuck
here forever. Tom, wonder the earth.
That's a lot of soul. Oh, talent.
Prove you're my granddad.
You buried by a special tree. I.
Can we speak to dad.
It's just, it's not tuned in anyway. Yeah,
it's tuned. Tune about
God. What God ought to do.
You're dead. Have to met God.
Yet it seems like a popular thing
for dead people to want to do.
I'm in a different place.
You need to get a moved
on. Get your dad to me.
Cool.
Why are you there? Why
aren't you in heaven?
Because I killed you.
What are you talking about? She
took an overdose. It was depression.
Yes, but who gave her pills?
She was so sad. I thought
I was hop. But it did.
It seemed to work out that way.
You said we were running outta time.
Once the machines taking part,
no one will ever be able to
get it. Work. Work again.
If you don't get dad and Tom
to heaven and we will now.
They will be lost in
darkness for all talent.
But why is Tom there? He
hasn't done anything wrong.
Dad's stupid machine sent
Tom to the wrong place.
How do you know that?
It's all in here.
The connections going.
What do we need to do?
Find peace. Done.
Set them off to us.
What.
Are we gonna do now?
We need to get dad out of the dead world.
I can help.
What.
I wanna show you something.
Diamonds have gone. What?
Diamonds hide these diamonds
for Don to wear to the awards.
I'm gonna put the cattle on.
Have a think.
Good idea.
Nothing for an hour. I've got an
award ceremony to go to. Look,
you're flipping asshole. They hung up.
Who taxi got to go now?
I thought you were going with yours.
He's not coming. I'm just gonna go.
Why would you go on your
own? It's his award.
He said he's wanted to do family stuff
like there was something to sort out or
something. What's that in your
bag? What? Let me see. So Louise,
you seeing anyone? No. You couldn't
get his act together boys. Huh?
Wanting the fun, but not the commitment.
What does your see in you? Pardon?
Well.
Generally he goes for hot
girls. Dim. Granted, but hot.
You're not really his type. He doesn't
generally go for cheap looking. Sls.
Excuse me. Oh, I said sl, you better
shut your mouth. Oh, that's what you are.
Isn't it?
Cheap looking. Little dirty sl. Who
needs to sleep her way to the top?
Because she has no discernible
tant of her own. Take a.
Back.
You
look. I don't.
Wanna fight you. Just
give us back what's us.
I'm going to the awards and I
am taking the diamonds. Don't.
Be stupid.
Oh, Angela
inaudible.
This is getting outta It's going to tv
boy.
I'll be on tv.
I'll be on tv. I'll be on T laugh.
I'll be on tv.
Laugh how we
Oh, you got come. Yes', Ares job.
Come on. Go, go.
No, no, no. Go get in.
I told you she was no good.
Thanks.
So dad and Tom are totally bollocks then.
Good.
Now find out which programme
it needs to run on it.
How do we do that?
You've got to retune
the beacon to your dad.
He tried to, tried to get
to to Tom. Tom, but got me.
I
But.
Didn't work. Didn't
work. Not enough power.
Takes a huge amount of power
to swap a soul from another
dimension.
Well, we've removed the
Pegasus, whatever that was.
But again, just one.
We just used two bloody diamonds.
What if it isn't powerful enough?
My life force. I'm going to.
Wouldn't you be all doc?
Yes, I will cease to.
Exist. But you'll be nothing nowhere.
Press button. inaudible.
I can't lose you. Yes.
Push the bloody button.
Thank.
Goodbye everyone. I'll
miss you. Hi guys. Guys.
Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye.
Good, goodbye.
The house feels different.
You feel that? Less sad.
It's like my ears have
popped, My headaches gone.
I think Tom's gone too.
Bugger.
You wouldn't get me in one of those.
Oh, I should be there. Being
interviewed Sally instead.
What's happening.
Down there? I'm on the red carpet.
Let's see. You can speak to, We've got,
Here's girlfriend, Donna. Hi
Donna. Hello. Hello Sally.
Look like you had a bit of an accident.
You've been, Are you okay? Yeah.
I'm fine. I'm sorry. Sorry. Fine.
So you're not here with Oh, Oh, sorry.
Excuse me. Hi. But fuck Sally. Speed.
You look absolutely no.
Fantastic. I didn't tell me you're
bringing a lovely lady who's.
A beautiful woman. This is
my girlfriend, Victoria.
Hi, I'm Victoria. I love you. Work.
You look fantastic. A cheeky question,
are those diamonds? Yes. Yes.
These are diamonds. Listen to me.
Hey girls, can we come down here?
This is my moment. You're.
Rough. Hi,
I'm.
Victoria, but darlington's
girlfriend. He's gonna.
Win tonight. That's my girl.
Time to go Get your hands off
me. No, this is my night though.
Let's go. I'll call you.
Okay. Okay. So back to
Keith and lovely Linda for.
Your awards.
Oh thank you Sally.
welcome one in all TV
daytime television awards.
It's absolutely great to
be here, laugh. Anyway,
let's get the nominees for
best daytime presenter.
And those nominees are
Buck Darson for Good Morning London.
Roger Laslow Smith for
breakfast with Roger and
Usar Jones for knicknacks tv.
I've show bloody. Yeah,
what the right coat?
I'm getting a black belt button.
Right is the moment you've
all been waiting for.
The winner is the envelope, please. Linda,
the winner is Roger Laslow
Smith for breakfast with Roger.
Have you come Roger laugh
applause everybody please.
Laugh. Hello.
I didn't think I gonna win, but otherwise
I wouldn't have had so much to drink.
Daytime television is rubbish.
People shouldn't watch tele for breakfast.
They should read a paper or
listen to the radio. How sensible.
So if you are watching this,
then don't watch Breakfast Tell.
But if you're watching this and
you're watching me, please give a job.
It was.
A rubbish award anyway.
And no one will notice that
three diamonds were missing.
And they were insured.
No one will question what
happened when there were 3 million
witnesses.
How much did that bastard solicitor
deadlock tell us? Dead owed.
200 Grand.
Oh.
My God.
I think we just go.
Our house. Bye.
Laugh.
How you doing, dad?
Silence.
I'm sorry. I can't you.
It's okay, dad.
It's okay.
You look wonderful.
It's.
Good to, I've risked you.
Good to see you do that.
Come on. Hop on. It's time to get going.
Where we going?
Paradise. Paradise. Sure.
You'll like it there.
What's it like? Them this paradise of.
Yours. They say it's all right.
Everybody's happy there all the time.
Or at least to the end of the universe.
Mum's there. She's waiting for you.
Mum's there. Yeah. Don't wait to see you.
And that was the end of Dark Heart manner.
Yes. It's yet another knickknack.
This one is kind of a China
teapot. It's quite flash.
It's Ming the merciless,
not the Yes. Anyway,
you get the gist. Yes.
It's teapot. You can put
water in it. Boiling water.
Normally I put in it you put tea in it.
You can get tea from anywhere. India,
China shops mainly. That's where
I go. I went to India once.
Not for the tea. I just went
to India. It's got a spout. No,
it's got a kind of a handly thing.
It's got a lid, which you can
it doesn't actually fit. It's
from somewhere else, I think.
But you can put it in there.
Well, we'll come back to that.
And you can do that. And it
stops the tea falling out.
It's probably worth at least 24,
maybe 25 pence. Yeah
I've seen several of these before. This.
Who made it? Isn't the
best one. Who made it?
It was made by Timothy Dalton.
Oh no, Royal Dalton. Sorry.
He collects them. Timothy,
Personal friend of mine. Actually.
What can I say? It's got a lid.
I could probably put some sugar in
that. Or snuff out a candle. Maybe.
Not really much more I can say about
it. Really? I'm getting really fed up.
I mean,
It's got some holes in the lid
if anyone's interested. I'm not.
You might be. I've seen
the way you look at it.
You want it, don't you?
Is it the spout? Yeah,
it's your dirty urchin. Yeah. Well
you can make noises as well. You can.
Oh shit.
I said it was worth 25 pence. It's
probably worth about three PEs.
Now I've just broken a bit of it off.
That suits me that.