Dating the Enemy (1996) Movie Script
[Rob] At least one of us has an admirer.
Yeah, my florist,
I spent 40 bucks on them.
[Christina] You didn't.
Well, if I'm desperate enough
to be spending
Valentine's Day night with my friends,
playing Trivial Pursuit,
then I'm quite desperate enough
to send myself flowers.
And the rules of the game are
if you get a question right, you advance.
You get it wrong,
then you forfeit a piece of your attire.
-[Rob] Whoa!
-[Christina laughing]
You haven't left yourself
too much room for error, Laetitia.
It's hot. It's very hot.
I can't believe
we're really gonna do this.
Oh, come on.
With these guys, it'll be like seeing
-your brother in the shower.
-[door opens, closes]
[Rob] Oh, have you two been introduced?
Laetitia, this is Brett.
He's an old friend of mine from Melbourne.
Uh, Brett's just got the job
hosting our new music show.
Hi.
[knocking on door]
I'll get it.
[moans]
He's sort of a journalist.
Maybe he and Tash
will have something in common.
She's a science journalist.
He's gonna sit on a couch
and read the Top 20 backwards.
It's a very different thing.
Hi.
Hi.
Can I, uh, take your coat?
I'm cold.
It's very cold.
[all laughing]
What's the capital of
What is the capital of Vietnam?
-[Christina] Uh, Saigon.
-[Laetitia] Wrong!
-Hanoi.
-You thought it was Saigon?
[Laetitia] Oh, one, two, three Sports?
Okay, at The Tokyo Olympics
which individual won the--
Well, I'm out, because the Olympics
have always bored me to death.
[Rob] That was easy.
[Laetitia sighs seductively]
[Paul laughs] Oh, no.
[Christina laughs]
[Rob] With Laetitia out of the way,
that brings us to Brett.
-Brett-star, you're up.
-Last game's a good game.
Right, okay, here we go.
One, two, three.
-[Rob] Aw, entertainment again.
-[Paul] This is easy.
Which music act simultaneously held
the top five position
in the US singles charts?
The Beatles, March 1964.
"I Wanna Hold Your Hand."
"Please, Please Me," "Love Me Do,"
"From Me To You," "She Loves You."
-[Rob] Throw again.
-Very good, very good.
-One, two, three, four
-[all chuckle]
-[Paul] Ah, that's Tash's subject.
-Science.
What is the scientific term
for the substance produced in the brain
when one human being
is attracted to another?
Uh, that'd be, um
Steam?
[all laughing]
No, endorphins.
-[Christina] Endorphins?
-[Rob] Come on, mate, take it off.
-[Paul] Yeah, take it off.
-[Rob] Come on, take it off!
Well, Paul and Christina are out,
so it's Tash's go.
[Paul] Roll that dice, girl.
-[Christina] Three.
-Three.
-[Rob] One, two, three, ooh
-Oh, bugger.
[laughs] Entertainment.
[chuckles]
What '60s American TV series
featured a futuristic family
whose spaceship home became lost in space?
-[Christina] Oh, easy!
-[Paul] Oh, my goodness.
-Hello?
-[both laugh]
[Rob] I'll give you a clue.
[as The Robot] "Warning, warning!"
[all laughing]
Uh, Star Trek.
[all laughing]
No.
-No?
-[Rob] Wrong galaxy.
Okay.
[Rob] Right, make way for the champion.
Baby needs a new pair of shoes.
[all chattering in distance]
[Christina] Oh, my God!
-[all laughing]
-[shushing]
[gasps] Oh!
[bottle clattering]
[exhales]
Have you been looking at me?
Hmm.
Why?
Well, it's weird, but, uh
-I think I like you.
-[laughs]
I'm not your kind of person.
Why not?
You're the kind of guy
who sat at the back of the class at school
and at lunchtime kissed
all the glamorous girls
behind the football field.
I sat in the front row.
I spent lunchtimes on my own
reading chemistry books,
and no one noticed I was gone.
So don't you think
you got the wrong person?
[laughs nervously]
I had a secret crush
on that girl in the front row,
but, uh, I could never
seem to find her at lunchtimes.
You should have tried the library.
Ah, that's where you were.
[laughs]
I'm messy.
I'm very tidy.
I'm too punctual.
I'm usually late.
We've got nothing in common.
I don't care.
You are about to become
some kind of TV star.
Won't this new job change you?
Not a chance.
[thinking]
Teeth, perfect. Hair, unbelievable.
Five minutes to taping, Brett.
[clicks tongue]
What force in the universe
drives molecules
to join together to form matter?
This new research may help us understand
the origin of our universe,
and indeed, its future.
[softly] Yes!
-Sam, Jane.
-Good arse, Brett.
Thanks, babe.
Brett, just got off the phone
from New York.
This close, buddy. This close.
-It's gonna happen.
-Yes.
-When are we gonna know?
-Two weeks, max.
Fantastic. Whoo!
Great news. What does Tash think?
I haven't told her yet, but I will.
Hello, I'd like to speak
with Dr. Kamins, please.
This is Natasha Trevellyn
from The Australian.
Yes, I would like to leave a message.
I would like to interview him
about his new project.
If you could tell him I've called
everyday for the past month
and I will call again tomorrow.
Yes, you have got my number.
-Right. How's it going?
-Very good.
Thank you. Goodbye!
Page seven.
Page seven? It's a page three lead.
It's an egghead piece.
You're lucky I'm running it at all!
This is a crucial discovery,
I can get you graphics.
Is it about sex?
Is it about my car engine?
Is it a cure for cancer?
No. Page seven.
Right. The future of fuel injection
will be page two.
The future of the universe, forget it!
[laughing]
[bell rings]
Look out. Here's trouble.
Listen, folks.
Vanessa, you're looking well.
[Vanessa] I don't want any trouble
from you today.
-[director] Ten seconds, Brett.
-[Brett] Thirty-five seconds.
Fifty, 50, 100 seconds.
[sighs] Okay, let's go.
[showtune playing]
[cameraman] Five, four
Hi, I'm Brett Flinders,
and you're watching Express.
[keyboard clacking]
[water burbles loudly]
[keyboard continues clacking]
Uh, uh, it's molecules, not atoms.
[sighs heavily] It's punchier.
Molecules and atoms
are very different things.
It's not scientifically correct.
All right. Okay, okay, fine.
-[keyboard clacking]
-Thank you.
[woman] Hold everything!
The Health Minister has just resigned.
Any sex in it?
Yes.
[all clamoring]
So much for dignity in parliament.
Page 12.
[groans in frustration]
Bloody
-[upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
Look around your world, pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me
And look into your heart, pretty baby
Is it aching with some nameless need?
Is there something wrong
And you can't put your finger on it?
Right then, roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to
Talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don't try to deny it, pretty baby
You've been down so long
You can hardly see
[sighs]
It's the right time to roll to me
Roll to me
Roll to me
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
[knocking on door]
Ooh
Don't start an argument.
Ooh, baby.
[Brett moans]
Haven't you got something to tell me?
Like what?
Happy anniversary, genius.
-Happy anniversary.
-[laughs]
I'll just put these in some water.
[inhales deeply]
[exhales] They're beautiful.
[Brett thinking]
Thank you, florists everywhere.
[clears throat]
"Happy Valentine's Day, Brett,
from all the girls at Polygram Records."
Babe, the boat leaves at 8:00.
I was ready an hour ago.
What have I done now?
[techno music playing]
-[Brett] Hey, guys.
-Hey, Brett!
Happy Valentine's Day. Absolutely.
[man] Brett, mate,
let me get an appointment with you.
[Brett] Soon. Soon, soon, soon.
-Howdy, how are you?
-[woman] Okay, and you?
[Brett] Hey, mate, I'm not gonna kiss you.
I knew this would happen. Why do I come?
-[indistinct conversation]
-[chuckles]
You know,
you gotta be able to communicate--
Brett, hi!
-Good to see you.
-Hey, babe.
Terrific.
The word is out drift on down
Come on and have some fun
[both mouthing]
Young and old gather 'round
Hear the laughter in the air
So, Colette
Let's move it till the break of dawn
[laughs] Oh, look, it's me.
[Colette] Oh, there you are.
[inaudible]
[boat horn blaring]
[sighs]
Jesus, Tash, don't cry.
[Colette laughing]
I don't believe a word.
[Brett] It's true.
I'm telling you it's true.
No, you're a big liar.
-Hey, guess what?
-What?
Looks like I might be going to New York.
[Colette] New York? Really, what for?
Oh, they're looking for a new host
for the show over there,
and they've asked to see my tape.
Fantastic.
-When are you gonna find out?
-[Brett] End of the month.
Is that why things seem a bit tense
between you and Tash at the moment?
Uh, things aren't great
between me and Tash anyway.
She doesn't know about New York.
I haven't told her yet.
Shit. Tash?
Tash!
[boat horn blares]
[techno music playing]
Tash, Tash!
I don't want to talk about this
in front of 200 people.
Oh, why worry now?
You just told intimate details
of our private life to that model.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I didn't want a scene like this.
I'm not angry
because you're going to New York.
I'm angry because you confide in Colette
before you tell me.
Maybe I can talk to Collette
because she doesn't criticize me
all the time.
-[scoffs]
-Maybe I can have a good time with her
because she is not so uptight.
Uptight? Who wouldn't be uptight?
You're completely consumed
by that pathetic program.
It's just TV, Brett. Not world politics.
You're just a glorified CD salesman.
Oh, well, I'm sorry
that I don't live up to your standards.
[Brett scoffs]
I don't want to to do this anymore.
It's too hard.
Fine.
What's happened to you?
What's changed you?
I'm tired of trying to be
what you want me to be.
You want to be someone that I'm not.
You want me to be you.
Oh, I wish you would be me
so you could see how I feel for once.
I wish I could be you so I could show you
what an idiot you've become.
[sighs]
[Tash] I'm glad it's over.
He wasn't the right person for me.
Men like Brett will be extinct
in one generation.
I would have thought
they'd be propagating themselves stupid.
Not in this age of contraception.
They're missing
the crucial commitment gene.
No commitment, no kids.
No kids and they've bred themselves
out of the gene pool.
Every time I look into the eyes
of a louse, I think,
"Oh, evolution's got you marked, buddy."
Getting into a relationship with a woman
these days is like
It's like getting into a cab with a driver
that doesn't speak English.
I mean, you tell 'em where you want to go
when you start off,
and they nod and smile
and you think they've understood.
And then all of a sudden you look up,
and you're driving down,
"moving in" street,
or "having a baby" street.
And you say,
"No, I never wanted to go here."
And then, they start yelling
at you in some language
you don't even understand.
Man, I'll tell you something.
From now on, I'm walking.
Brett, Rob, hi!
-How you doing?
-Good. How are you?
Good.
Now what are you gonna do tonight?
Oh, I think I'll buy a family-size pizza
and eat myself to death.
Oh, don't do that. It's a full moon.
It's a very bad time to be eating alone.
-I'll come and help you.
-Okay.
-And I'll bring a bottle of wine.
-Okay.
[Brett] I had a secret crush
on that girl in the front row.
-Happy anniversary.
-[Tash laughs]
[Tash inhales deeply, exhales]
They're beautiful.
[laughing]
Well, I'm sorry [echoing]
[Tash] Hi.
Won't this new job change you? [echoing]
I can't do this.
[phone ringing]
[on answering machine] Hi, this is Brett,
and I'm listening to you.
[answering machine beeps]
Brett, it's Rob, it's nine o'clock.
I'm in the bar. The band's about to start.
Where are you, mate?
[answering machine beeps]
[Brett groans] Oh, man.
How long have I been asleep?
[exhales]
[screams]
[Brett's voice] Oh, my God.
[Tash's voice] Oh, my
[Brett's voice] Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
Tell me it's still there.
Please tell me it's still there.
[yells] No!
[Tash's voice] Mm, coming.
Leave me alone.
Oh, God, Laetitia,
don't knock the door down.
-[screams]
-Shit!
-[gasping]
-Shit!
-[Tasha's voice] Brett, is that you?
-Yes, it's me.
God
God What is this?
[gasps]
[Tash's voice]
The atomic number of an element
is equal to its number of protons.
[Brett's voice]
The atomic weight of an element
is the sum of its number
of protons and neutrons.
What are you talking about?
I look like you,
but I still think like me.
-You try it.
-What?
Think of something.
[sighs]
[Brett's voice] Pearl Jam,
formed in Seattle in 1990 when
[Tash's voice] Mother Love Bone.
They broke up,
and then they reformed
as, uh, Temple of the Dog.
-And then--
-Okay, we get the point.
Well, it's quite clear.
You're in my body, and I'm in yours.
We have our own minds.
This is fascinating.
It's not fascinating. It's frightening!
[sighs]
I knew we were spending
too much time together.
You!
You didn't even want to
share a plate together.
Now you've really moved in.
What have you done to me?
-What have you done to me?
-What have I done to you?
What have you done to me?
Stop shaking me.
Stop hitting me!
Tash. Tash.
[grunts]
[doorbell buzzes]
It's Laetitia.
Get rid of her.
You know what?
This is our chance to see
if this has really happened
or if it's some kind of
jewel hallucination.
[Laetitia] Tash, darling, it's moi.
Let me in.
[doorbell buzzes]
Put this on.
You make me look stupid.
[knock on door]
Hi, Laetitia.
So, do I still hate him,
or do I like him now?
When you've sorted it out,
why don't you let me know?
I just wish you two could be me,
so you could see how utterly
nauseating I think this looks.
What is up with that woman?
What?
What did I yell at you at the party?
Let me get the list.
I said, I wish you could be me
so you can see what it's like.
And I wish I could be you
to show you what a creep you've become.
What are you saying?
That this is a wish?
Am I wearing harem pants?
Does this look like an episode
of I Dream of Jeannie?
-No.
-It's medically, physically
and chemically impossible
for two bodies to dematerialize,
travel through the air and switch brains.
Science can't explain this.
The forces of the universe
are trying to teach you a lesson.
And since when have the forces
of the universe been on your side?
It's karma.
You were with Colette today.
Haven't you ever heard
of a mourning period?
I just ran into her.
There's nothing happening between me
and Colette.
Sure, serves you right, Brett.
You have no scruples.
Well, change me back
and I'll get out of your life.
Let's think logically,
we slept, we transformed.
Perhaps if we sleep again,
we'll wake up tomorrow
and everything will have changed back.
Maybe it's just a one day wish, you know,
like, King for a day.
King for a day.
Wait Where do you get this stuff from?
A little golden book of fairy rules?
Do you have a better hypothesis?
[sighs]
Oh, God.
[sighs, exhales]
-Oh, God. I'm dead.
-Why don't you go home, Brett?
You can call me in the morning
if anything happens.
-No way.
-Why not?
Have you seen that movie, The Fly?
If our bodies are going to be tilly
transporting themselves during the night,
I am not going to risk any interference.
And cruising around between my place
and yours,
we could end up
half teenage surf junky,
half pizza delivery van.
[scoffs]
I am not moving from here tonight.
You're not sleeping with me.
I'll sleep here.
All right.
What are you doing?
I'm just trying to get a hang of the door.
Stop perving on my body.
I have seen it all before, Tash.
Just, uh, not exactly from this angle.
Well, not anymore.
From now on, we're strangers,
and I'd like you to treat my body as such.
Hey, fine by me.
Good.
Good night.
[Tash's voice] Jesus,
looks like something out of Alien.
[Brett's voice] I'm going to open my eyes
and this will
all have been a horrible nightmare.
Shit.
[grunts]
[clears throat]
[whistling]
So much for theory number one.
What do we do now?
Well, I haven't been able to find anything
which could explain it.
I know
another science writer, though,
who's done a lot of work
on psycho physical forces.
Maybe he could put us onto someone.
We are not telling anyone about this.
Especially not the press.
What do you propose, Brett?
First, we need to get
some plain clothes from my place.
Brett Flinders cannot be seen
in an unironed shirt.
Do you really think that's a priority?
Come on, Tash.
You've seen those tabloid photos.
This is exactly how they have
a celebrity, tired and emotional.
You need to get the white linen shirt,
the black stove pipes,
my tan suede jacket.
Here, I'll give you a list.
[door closes]
[keypad beeping]
[knock on door]
Tash, what's going on?
[Brett's voice] Right.
Madam Lash.
Did Brett stay here last night?
Are you two back together again?
Well, uh, you could say we've
decided to stick together for a while.
Oh, my God.
Why? The guy is such a louse.
[Brett scoffs]
Thanks very much.
Oh, I don't know.
I think you misjudged Brett, Laetitia.
He's a cool guy.
He's funny,
he's stylish.
He's very charming.
[laughs] Yeah, he thinks he is.
Those big, cheesy smiles,
he looks like he should be doing
toothpaste commercials.
Between friends though,
tell me, you can't say
you've never found Brett attractive.
Tash, I can say it.
Look, uh, I don't know
how to tell you this,
but your so called ex-boyfriend
just tried to call me up.
-I told her not to tell anyone!
-What?
Maybe,
maybe he was just trying to be friendly.
Oh, [laughs] I doubt it.
Anyway, what's happened to his big break?
Is he still going to New York?
[Brett's voice] Oh, God, my job.
I don't know.
You can only hope.
-Hi.
-Bye.
We have got to do something about this.
You both seem in perfect health.
[Tash] But I
What makes her
him a man
and me, a woman?
-That's all okay?
-Absolutely.
Look, if you're looking at starting
a family,
you should have no problems.
[scoffs] I'm not ready to become a father.
[chuckles] I don't think you ever will be.
It's very common in a relationship to feel
like you've lost your sense of self.
However, role playing
can be a wonderful way
of really bringing out
those little gripes into the open.
I'd definitely give up dairy products.
This is a nightmare!
Take it out on your furniture,
not mine.
What are we gonna do tomorrow?
We'll have to be in sick.
We can't do that.
Mondays, I have to submit
my story ideas for the week.
You'll have to go in for me.
What?
I can write my article at home
in the evenings
and you can submit it on Thursday.
As long as there is no press conference,
you should cope.
It's not easy, my job, you know?
Neither is mine.
You? All you do is sit back
in a lounge chair drinking vodka,
gossiping with people
on national television.
I can do that.
Get up, walk around.
Come on.
[scoffs]
You don't even walk like me.
You're too stiff.
Relax, cruise with it.
Learn from the hippie man.
You walk as if you've got someone
playing cymbals in your pants.
[imitating high-hat]
It's a high-hat, not cymbals.
Anyway, it's better than
brass marching band like you.
[imitating trumpet]
I'm not that bad.
You are.
You're like a tiny tank, Tash.
You wouldn't want to
get in the way of you.
-It's frightening.
-Ho ho ho ho!
Are they really gonna believe you're me?
Well, they're certainly not
gonna think of anyone else, are they?
I know you like the back of my hand.
And I know you like the back of my hand.
Hmm, see what I mean?
[peppy music playing]
Look.
[vocalizing]
[vocalizing]
Oh, shit.
[vocalizing]
Ooh!
I think I've told you everything.
Now, remember. Tell Harrison
you're working on a story
on Electro Magnetics.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-If anything happens, call me.
-[shushing]
Hi, guys.
-Hi.
-The usual?
Thanks.
I'm not drinking herbed tea.
Okay, now you say nothing
this morning.
Just keep quiet
and agree with everyone.
If anyone asks, say you got the flu.
All right.
[Tash clears throat]
No. In your pocket.
Your wallet goes in your pocket.
Your purse goes in your handbag.
Oh, hi, Brett.
Hi, Brett.
Hi, gorgeous.
[Tash's voice]
Is this an office or a harem?
Hi, Brett.
Nice tie.
The day hasn't been the same
without your morning ambush.
What have you got?
I'm, uh,
working on a story about, um
-Electro-magnetics.
-Great.
Saved the front page for that one.
Uh, coffee, lots of milk.
Two sugars.
Drop dead.
[Davis] Well, then, the answer
is no drinking on camera.
It's not a good look, all right?
I don't give a shit what the guests
think they need to get
through an interview.
Okay. Video of the week.
What do we think, folks?
Come on. Come on. Come on.
What? Pearl Jam?
Brett?
[Tash's voice] Pearl Jam?
Pearl Jam? What
What's Pearl Jam?
Uh [chuckles]
Remind me, what what is Pearl Jam?
[all laugh]
What's Pearl Jam?
We'll go with Lemonheads.
Lemonheads.
[Tash's voice] What's a lemon head?
All right, ratings.
Exactly.
So tomorrow, Brett, you'll spend the day
with TV Week, cover story.
[Tash's voice] Oh, great.
[telephone ringing]
Great.
Glad you like it.
Crystal, can I have a word?
It's for you.
Hello.
What's up with the secretaries
in this dump?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
How's it going?
Fine.
We'll discuss it tonight.
-Have you spoken to Harrison yet?
-Yeah. Yeah.
Listen, we've got to go to
Steve's opening at 6:00.
I promised him upfront.
Do I have to?
Yeah, you have to because I have to
and you are me, remember?
Yes, all right.
What am I supposed to do
for the rest of the day?
Count staples?
I always go through
my new science journals on Monday.
They'll be in the basket on the desk.
Bring them home for me, will you?
Okay, see you at 6:00.
You didn't tell me
your ratings were down.
Oh, we just had a run of
dead guests lately, it's nothing.
What did they say?
They said they want you to do
an interview all day tomorrow
with some TV magazine.
TV World, TV times
-TV Star.
-TV Week?
-Mmm. I think I'll call in sick.
-[exclaims]
No way. It's too important.
All day? It's gonna be a cover story. Yes!
And how am I supposed to get my job done?
Hey. It's under control.
Hey, don't spill anything
on that shirt, it's a Gaultier.
Where was it that we last
I remember, it was Tahiti,
that beautiful little lagoon.
[man] There's a fine line
between commerce and art
and this stuff,
it doesn't fall into either.
You know, it's kind of a more of a
[Tash's voice] Hmm
Hmm
Oh, no!
Oh, God, it moves by itself.
-Hi.
-Stand in front of me.
This is so embarrassing.
I've obviously still got your hormones.
You really are over sexed, aren't you?
Hey, your libido
isn't exactly unmoved by this either.
So does, this mean you two
have sorted things out?
-Well
-Yes.
It was all my fault.
I was a complete creep.
I apologized to Tash and admitted
I was entirely in the wrong.
Good for you.
No one even guesses.
[chuckles] This could be fun.
[man] Ooh, baby.
Do you, um, find Tash attractive?
Yeah, little bit.
She's wild in bed.
Brett is very sensitive,
and he loves intelligent women.
He's always said that about you.
That he, uh,
he admires your intelligence.
Hmm.
I always knew she liked me.
Don't look now, but I think
she's coming to talk to you.
Well, it's good to see you two
have made up.
Colette, I want to apologize
about the other night,
I was being totally neurotic.
And I guess sometimes
I'm just a silly woman.
Oh, how did I do that?
Hey, I have got a great arse.
-Taxi?
-Hang on.
I've written some notes
for the TV Week interview.
Be pleasant and smile a lot.
I'll give it a go.
[cameraman] Fantastic.
-Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.
-[camera shutter clicks]
Now, how about a really big smile?
That's fantastic. That's great.
[cameraman]
Just relax a bit more, Brett, will you?
Lean up against that tree.
You look a bit tense.
Fantastic.
[Tash sighs]
This is like watching paint dry.
He's not normally like this.
Let's give him a break
for a couple of minutes.
Okay. Uh, take a break
for a few minutes, Brett.
We're just changing the cameras.
Hey, look at this.
New Scientist?
[rock music playing]
[burps]
[music stops]
Here's tomorrow's story.
Now, when you file it, tell Harrison
it's groundbreaking research.
-It's a page five.
-Mm-hmm.
And keep an eye on Mark,
and make sure he makes no changes
to the scientific terms.
-Uh-huh.
-Page five, no changes.
Have you got that?
Yeah, yeah.
Five changes. No pages.
Hey, hey, Tash.
Tash, come here.
I want to ask you a serious question.
I've, um
I've been thinking about our position
from the the scientific point of view,
and, well, it's a little
inconvenient for us.
We are very unique
in having this experience
and I've been thinking,
haven't we got a responsibility
to explore the situation and document it?
You know, like,
for greater scientific knowledge?
You're right.
What do you think we should do,
keep a diary?
No.
I thought we should have sex.
I'm serious, Tash.
It's the ultimate hidden secret.
What is sex really like
for the other half?
We
could be the pioneers.
What's wrong?
I never knew my face went like that.
This, uh,
this isn't happening for me.
What do you do to get it working?
What do you mean?
Well, what do you think about?
What do you visualize?
-My sexual fantasies?
-Yeah.
I'm not telling you.
Come on, Tash.
-No.
-It's for science.
All humanity will thank you.
Tash.
Come on.
Mr. Watley, my chemistry teacher
says
"You haven't done your homework.
You're a very bad girl."
[laughs] Is that it?
-Oh, Tash, Tash, wait.
-[door closes]
[groans]
[clears throat]
Rob's phone.
Rob, it's uh, Tash.
Tash, it's great to hear from you.
How are you?
Fine. Look, Rob
I'm ringing
because I'm worried about Brett.
He's been, um, pretty weird lately.
I was wondering if anyone's
noticed anything at work.
No, I don't think so.
[Brett's voice] Oh, thank God.
Actually, I was just thinking of you.
The science show here
is auditioning for a new reporter.
I thought you might be interested.
[Brett laughs] Oh, are you kidding?
Tash, on TV?
Uh, no thanks, Rob,
I'm happy here at the good old paper.
-Look, keep it mind.
-Yeah, I will. Thanks, see you.
Some Professor Caymans called
while you were out.
Thanks, sweetheart.
[loud game noises]
Hey, Tash.
Tash?
Yeah?
You've written "subatomic particles"
here quite a few times.
I, uh, I just wanted to change
just one of them,
to molecules.
-Is that all right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sounds okay to me, pal.
-[videogame sounds]
-[grunts]
I don't believe this! Molecules?
He kind of ruined my reputation.
I didn't ask to do any of this.
You didn't have to do anything.
Just remember a simple message.
God!
Tash, Tash, Tash.
Now remember, you have to relax
and smile, you look great.
The jacket really suits you.
You want a glass of water?
When it's your job,
you're concerned enough, aren't you?
I'm a real journalist.
I know how to interview people.
-[bell ringing]
-[Rob] Stand by.
Positions, please.
Standby, autocue.
Coming to you on camera two, Brett.
-[imperceptible]
-[Rob] About to roll the opener.
-[opening theme music playing]
-Ten,
nine, eight,
seven, six,
five, four
[Rob whispering] Two, two
And, hi.
Welcome to a really happening show tonight
that's crammed with all the hottest
and the latest
Fifteen takes just for the intro!
I told you, relax and smile.
[Brett] I said sorry.
What are you doing?
I want to watch it again.
I want to watch you wreck my career
right before my eyes.
Welcome to
a really happening show tonight
Look, look, look!
You make me look like a dead person!
-Ugh!
-I'm sick of this.
I'm doing your job and my job.
From now on,
you can do my job on your own.
-I bet you won't do any better.
-Oh, really?
All right, you're on.
And stop putting
so much food into my body.
It's not your body at the moment.
Well, you don't know
how long you're gonna be in it.
And the world's a hard place
for a fat woman
as you may well have time to find out.
I'm not gonna have two years
slogging it in that gym
wasted on pizzas I don't even get to eat.
And what if I do?
I might have a sudden desire
to perm my hair.
-I want my life back.
-I want my flat back.
Move back to your own place.
Oh, and what are people gonna think?
She comes round to visit you.
And what do you say?
"Oh, I'm living in your place.
No, you're living at your place.
I mean, you're living in my place
-as a joke.
-[banging]
[neighbor yelling]
Will you guys shut up?
We'll have to swap apartments.
Fine. I'll pack my things.
What things?
You're not going to get much chance
to wear dresses or your lipstick.
Give me the keys.
[Tash's voice] Hmm.
Brett's favorite record.
Clean it first, Tash.
These records are worth a lot of money.
You keep saying
You'll be mine for a while
You're lookin' fancy
And I like your style
You drive us wild, we'll drive you
[Tash's voice]
Brett's designer boxer shorts.
Brett's silk socks.
Brett's favorite leather jacket.
Brett's favorite baseball cap.
I wanna rock and roll all night
And party every day
I wanna rock and roll all night
And party every day
I wanna rock and roll all night
-I can't hear you
-And party every day
I wanna rock and roll all night
-Oh, yeah
-And party every day
[Tasha's voice] Fantastic!
[Brett's voice] Hmm. Why doesn't
she ever wear these?
I love all this stuff.
You keep on shouting
You keep on shouting
[Tash's voice] I knew it.
[Brett's voice] Ooh, baby. You sexy thing.
Ooh.
[phone ringing]
-Hello.
-[Brett] Louse.
[Brett's voice] What's she got in here?
Surveillance cameras?
[indistinct chatter]
[Brett's voice] Oh, yes, I have died
and gone to heaven.
Mm-mm.
Laetitia. Whoa!
This beats playing basketball.
[man] Go!
Come on!
[man] Brett, come on!
Hey!
What a dickhead.
[drums music playing]
[women shouting]
[all shouting in unison]
[yells]
Ow! [groans]
You hurt me, Robbie.
Sorry, man. My foul. Your ball.
[Laetitia] It absolutely amazes me.
I mean, can you believe
Paul and Christina?
They're friends for, what, eight years,
and suddenly they stop bonking each other
-and now they're going to get married.
-Mm.
And Christina does say the sex
is quite good, except Paul does worry
that he can't give her multiple orgasms,
and I keep saying to him--
Hang on, hang on.
-She told you that?
-Yes. Why wouldn't she?
Do they
Do they really exist?
I mean, do any women actually have them?
God, I don't know. But we still write
about them in the magazines.
Got to give the boys something
to worry about. [cackles]
Huh.
Tell me about the the G-spot.
[Rob] Get in
-How's your love life, Robbie?
-Uh, yeah, you know, the same.
It's important to have a real relationship
in this business, isn't it?
I mean, you can't
just survive on a career.
[Rob] Mm.
What do you think about Tash?
About her and I. Do you think we should
try and get back together again?
[scoffs] I don't know, mate.
None of my business.
I mean, I can only say
what I've said before.
And what was that again?
You know, I I don't think
she's the girl for you.
[women giggling]
[Brett] What's going on?
Have I got on odd socks or something?
Davis is going off his head about it,
but I think it's cute.
That is cute.
Why shouldn't brains be sexy?
I'm gonna make some coffee.
Would you like one?
[Brett's voice] Reading glasses.
No one sees me in my reading glasses.
No one on TV has glasses!
I'm gonna kill her.
Brett Flinders.
Reading glasses? What are you doing?
You should be grateful.
At least I made you look
like you're a person of some credibility
instead of the male equivalent
of a barrel girl.
Fine. Just remember, you started this.
Since as that we're speaking,
we're going to have to see each other.
There's a dinner party
for Paul and Christina on Wednesday
-at my place. Uh, your place.
-What?
I promised them months ago.
They're our friends
and they're getting married.
Don't worry, Brett. I'll do it all.
[sighs in exasperation]
[inaudible]
[Brett's voice]
I know what their stories need.
Harrison.
Yes.
-I've, uh, got an idea for a story.
-Mm.
It's about science of sex.
[woman] Superficial, sensationalist
and page three!
Laugh when he jokes
Slap him when he chokes
It's time to give up the smokes
And oh, when he cries
Don't wipe his eyes
Take the wine from the swine
And remind him of his crimes
Oh, in another world
[inaudible]
Oh, in another world
Yeah, he could wear a dress
Imagine his surprise
When he opened his eyes
And I'd run the lawnmower
over his thighs
Oh, in another world
Yeah, he could wear a dress
Oh, in another world
[distant]
Yeah, he could wear a dress
How's it going?
You just have to brown that chicken
and follow the rest
of the recipe. It's easy.
-Well, are you gonna give me a hand?
-What?
Brett Flinders, Mr. Takeaway King.
I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation.
You better add something soon,
otherwise, we're all gonna get very tipsy.
Brett's not being much help, eh?
Is there something I can do?
He doesn't know how lucky he is.
I know how lucky he is.
[Brett's voice] What?
Oh, no.
I think you're terrific, Tash.
I've always thought you were terrific.
Dinner's ready!
[Brett's voice] Rob likes Tash?
[woman] It's not that you two have been
I can't believe it.
[people laughing]
A toast to the hostess.
This meal is fantastic.
-[all] To Tash.
-[Brett's voice] They all like her.
What is this? I'm the popular one!
God, no. You better throw it to Laetitia.
-We might all get crushed in the rush.
-[people laughing]
[Brett's voice] I'm the funny one!
Maybe she's funny because she's me now.
Who does that make me?
-No, I do not mind the distinguished--
-Excuse me.
-[man] Distinguished anything.
-[people laughing]
Oh, man, I am losing it.
Stay calm, stay calm. I'm me.
I'm Brett.
There's something different
about you, Tash.
-You're not pregnant, are you?
-Ugh. That'd be all I need.
Uh, no.
Oh, well, one day.
You know, maybe I should
throw the bouquet to Brett.
Then he might get the idea.
Yeah. I don't think
Brett's the marrying kind.
If Brett isn't going to get there, Tash,
don't you miss out.
Find someone who appreciates you.
It's no fun to be alone.
Thank you.
Top show, mate.
-See you later.
-Okay, see ya.
Feel like a walk?
Sure.
Tash, I think we need
to talk about the future.
I know. Davis says we should find out
any day now about the New York job.
It's a big chance for you, and you never
know when we might change back.
Tash, I
I was talking about something
more important than that.
I missed you, Tash.
And I realized that
I haven't always done
the right thing by you.
I'd like to give us another chance.
I I'll try to do it properly,
living together, everything.
If you want.
Do you really mean it?
Look at the way we are.
Who else could there be for us?
And what am I gonna do? Pick up guys?
It may be this way forever.
I see.
You haven't really changed your mind.
You're just afraid of having no one.
I'm just being realistic.
I'm talking about us being together.
I thought that's what you wanted.
If it had come three weeks earlier,
it would have meant a lot more.
[scoffs] Oh, right.
Not only do I have to be what you want,
but I have to be it when you want it, too.
You've just had a taste of what it's like
being on the receiving end
and you're scared
you're gonna get stuck that way.
You've made it very clear
over the past few weeks
that being me is the worst thing
that could've ever happened to you.
Well, I'm not overjoyed
about being you either.
But I'm going to make the most of it.
I've decided now.
I'm gonna go for that job,
and if I get it,
-I'm going to New York.
-Oh, I give up.
I can't win with you.
What if we change back?
Would you still feel the same way then?
I guess we may never know.
[sniffling]
[Brett's voice] Oh.
Someone's broken a nail.
What's wrong?
What's wrong with me?
Why does it never work out?
-There's nothing wrong with you.
-There must be.
It always, always happens to me.
[sobbing]
Hey.
Come on.
-Bastards.
-Bastards.
[Brett's voice] It's a dog eat dog world
out there.
Paul and Christina.
Do you vow to care for
and cherish each other,
respecting your differences,
sharing your weaknesses
and your strengths,
and remembering always
the magic of the love
which brought you together?
-We do.
-We do.
[people cheering]
-[woman laughing]
-I know.
-Look at that dress.
-Mm.
So, are you two still not talking?
I'm not gonna let it spoil my night.
I'm gonna have a good time.
-They're all little boys. [chuckles]
-Laetitia, you're a winner.
Oh, God. Look who's here.
-Oh, well, I'll get us some supplies.
-I'll come with you.
I think Paul and Christina were gonna
go there for their honeymoon.
What are you wearing?
You're making me look
like a gameshow hostess.
Your image needed a lift.
What, you've lifted it right out
the front of that dress.
I'm not afraid of my sexuality.
Laetitia helped me pick it out.
Stay away from my friend. She'd be sick
if she knew who you really were.
You're with Rob. I'll do what I like.
Hi, Brett. I didn't know
you were going to be here.
Colette.
We haven't talked in a long time.
In fact, I don't think we've ever talked.
How's work?
Why don't you tell me all about it?
I'd much rather hear about you.
What's happening about New York?
[indistinct chatter]
Yeah, he trusts me. I'm his director
-Hi.
-This is my boyfriend, Brett.
You're so funny.
[Brett's voice] Oh, please.
Hey, uh, I'm just gonna go
and powder my nose.
-Don't go away, will you?
-I'll be right here.
Good.
Will you stop coming on to her?
Well, the shoe's
on the other foot now, isn't it?
He who lives by the sword
dies by the sword, buster.
And what if she thinks it's serious?
Have you thought
about that, Miss Morality?
-Keep it down.
-Look who's worried about appearances now.
I think this job's
going to your head, Tash.
Taxi! Wait! Wait!
-[Tash] Stop, you bastard.
-Brett, I'll give you a lift.
No, it's all right, Colette.
I just want to be alone.
Well, you'll never get a cab
at this hour on a Saturday.
-Stop! Stop.
-[car honking]
My car's right here.
[Jeff] Colette.
Go away, Jeff.
Oh, come on, baby.
I just want to speak to you.
Piss off! Just ignore him, Brett.
Who's he?
He doesn't want to talk to you,
and I don't want to talk to you,
so just go away!
Look, when a woman says
she doesn't want to talk to you,
it means she doesn't want to talk to you.
When a guy says something like that to me,
it means he wants his head smacked in.
-I don't want to fight you.
-Too bad, mate.
[thud]
[Brett groans]
[groans]
Oh, my lip. My lip.
Oh, poor, poor Brett.
Colette, please don't
take offense, but I can't do this.
I really can't explain, but I
-I've had a lot to drink.
-That's okay.
I understand.
You do? Oh, great.
It's got nothing to do with you.
I'm sure you're a really nice girl.
[zipper unzips]
Don't take it personally.
Colette, what are you doing?
No, no. Stop.
[Tash moans] Wow!
Come on, Tash. Give me the keys.
Rob, it's my car. I'm driving.
I think I should drive, eh?
Come on, into the car.
-You all right?
-Mm-hmm.
-Yep.
-Keys.
That's a girl.
Here we go.
[Tash] Whoa.
Ooh, and a slam dunk to the switch.
Very good.
There we go. You all right?
Well, I should be going.
No, no, no, no.
Stay and have another drink.
-No, I don't think I can drink anymore.
-You want a coffee?
Yeah.
Have a coffee.
[Tash clears throat]
Thanks.
God, women's clothes are sexy.
But they're kind of complicated.
[Rob clears throat] Tash, um
you know, Brett's my best friend.
Well, there are rules
about this kind of thing.
[Brett] Oh, Rob. What a guy.
But you don't realize
I'm your best friend.
[laughs]
No. No, mate, stop.
I know it feels weird.
But you and Brett have broken up.
We're not doing anything wrong. Mmm.
[Brett] Oh, no.
Oh, no. No, you don't understand, Rob.
-This could be dangerous.
-[shushes] I've got condoms.
[Brett] Oh, well, basketball will
never be the same again.
[Brett] That's it.
Sorry.
[Brett] Oh, what have I done?
[Tash] What have I done?
[phone keypad beeps]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing, beeps]
[answering machine] Hi, this is Tash.
And I'm listening to you.
Tash, it's Laetitia. This is
the fourth time I've called.
Why don't you pick up?
I'm getting really worried.
-[beep]
-[tape winding]
[phone ringing, beeps]
[answering machine] Hi, this is Tash.
And I'm listening to you.
Tash, it's, uh, it's me, Rob.
Uh, look, will you give me a call?
I'd really like to see you.
Oh, no.
-[phone ringing]
-Hello.
Hi, Robbie.
Feel like going down
and shooting a few baskets?
Loser buys the drinks.
Brett. Uh, yeah, look, I can't.
I've gotta go to my brother's for a
family lunch.
I'll see you tomorrow?
Bye.
[sighs]
[sighs]
[sighs]
Tash, I know you're in there!
Tash, please!
I won't go away!
Come on, let me in.
Granny's chocolates.
Well, if you're gonna eat yourself
into a diabetic coma,
you could have at least chosen
something a little more exotic.
[sobbing]
Tash.
Well, don't cry.
What is wrong with me?
There's nothing wrong with you.
You You're binging out on chocolates
and feeling weepy.
You're probably just getting your period.
My what? My period?
Oh, God! Oh, no!
Oh, it's not that bad.
It's only normal after all.
It's not normal.
Listen to me, Laetitia, I am not Tash.
I am just in Tash's body.
Tash is in my body.
I am Brett.
Oh, you've got to get over this.
This is getting crazy.
Forget Brett. You have got to
get your life together.
[Brett's voice] What life?
I don't have a life.
[crying]
[church bell tolling]
[man laughing in the distance]
[exhales]
[Brett's voice] I can't do this anymore.
Miss Trevellyn.
I quit.
[Davis] Now, as you all know,
the international head of production's
flying in to see this show.
Mark Hutchinson is confirmed,
but Jenny Mathison canceled.
So, who do we like?
Any thoughts, people?
Brett? Brett? You with us?
Oh. Uh, yes.
Um, I've developed a formula
to predict who will rate well
based upon guests,
past appearances and ratings.
And I think we should get, um um
Karen Zader.
[all laugh]
Very amusing, Brett.
What's wrong?
Hutchison and Zader haven't even
spoken to each other,
let alone appeared in public
since they broke up three years ago.
I'm sure they'd be overjoyed to have
a cozy little chat on national television.
We could ask them.
It's been three years,
I'm sure they're over by now.
Brett, she sold the entire story
of their breakup
to The Truth with Pictures.
And he called his last album
The Bitch in Black.
Any sensible suggestions?
I know my idea sounds unusual,
but I'd still like you to consider it.
If they agreed, it would be great.
An interview with some conflict
is what we need.
And since when did you decide
what we need?
Brett, I don't want this New York gig
to go to your head.
When that guy comes to see the show,
you won't be the only guy he's looking at.
See, producing a TV show is like football.
It's a team sport.
Every member of the team has a position.
And every position has a job to do.
Do you know what your job is?
To interview.
To do whatever I can to make
the interviews in-teresting.
To read. That's your job.
To read.
You can do whatever you like
to make your reading interesting.
The rest you can leave
to the other players of the team.
[sniffles]
Oh, for Christ's sake, Brett, don't cry.
Off to kill her.
Who do you think will be next?
[sobbing]
-[door opens]
-[sobbing]
Brett. Mate, I
I have to tell you something.
I slept with Tash.
You did what?
I shouldn't have.
You gotta understand.
I've been in love with her for years.
[Tasha's voice] In love with me?
You two had broken up
We'd had a lot to drink
And you know how it is.
[Tasha's voice] Brett slept with you?
I don't want this to come between us.
You and I have been
friends for a long time.
I'd like to think that we can still,
you know,
play basketball.
I have had enough.
I've been insulted, abused, head-butted.
I was beaten up in the name of sport,
and I've cried in front of
the entire office.
I just find out that my ex-boyfriend
has slept with another man,
and all anyone can do
is offer me a game of basketball.
I don't wanna play basketball.
I don't wanna be a man anymore.
I want to talk to somebody.
I want to be a woman.
[door slams shut]
[moaning]
Oh, no. You haven't
Don't say anything.
[sighs]
I feel shocking.
I know this is some kind of karma thing
and the whole universe
is laughing its head off at me,
but I get the point.
I was wrong.
I've been wrong in so many ways
I can't count.
[exhales]
I'm sorry.
You know
I think this is like one of those
three-legged races we had at school.
If we keep running in opposite directions,
we're never gonna get anywhere.
Yeah, I know.
Rob, you owe me a favor.
I want you to see if you can still
get Tasha a shot on that science show.
Tell them we have
a great interview subject.
Mm-hmm. Good.
Dr. Kamins, it's Natasha Trevellyn again.
I was with The Australian.
Ah, yes, I'm aware of your policy
regarding interviews.
But I know how relevant
your research is to many people.
And just as you have
your responsibilities as scientists,
I have my responsibilities
as a science journalist.
And that is to see that the public
get to share in the knowledge
that science creates,
which is knowledge
that belongs to all humankind.
Yes.
Okay.
Cool.
Thanks.
-He'll do it.
-Yes!
But only on Friday afternoon.
Just before the show?
Well, we'll have to deal with that.
Everyone on the team
has the right to contribute.
My Zader and Hutchison idea was good.
And I'm not leaving until you consider it.
[files thud]
I've researched the ratings of past shows.
Separately, these two
have always been big broadcasts.
Together, they'll break through the roof.
Oh, piss off, Brett.
They'll never go for it.
They have.
I told each of them
that the other had agreed to appear.
They had to say yes, or else look like
they were the one who hadn't.
Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good, B.
You've got to make it punchier.
Not too punchy.
No, no, not too punchy.
Just punchy enough.
[chuckles]
[bell rings]
[Rob] Production tape. B roll.
15 seconds please.
Right. We ready to go?
[Rob] Stand by.
Don't let it freak you.
Just try and imagine it's you and me
having a private conversation.
[clicks tongue]
Dr. Kamins, we're very grateful
to you for speaking to us.
We understand this is the first time
you've spoken to the press
about your new research.
Could you tell us what you've discovered
about human reproduction and evolution?
We've been studying the genes
of thousands of couples.
And what we found is,
that in the majority of cases,
people's natural instinct
will subconsciously
lead them to choose the person
who is the perfect
genetic compliment for them.
Ah.
Does this mean that
there's a scientific basis
-to love at first sight?
-Yes.
And for other folk wisdoms,
such as "opposites attract,"
we found in our research that many people
are attracted to those
who are very different from them.
Often, these people would later
worry about this
and try to to change
their partner physically
and behaviorally
to be more like themselves.
However, we found that in these cases,
the opposition of their genes in fact
formed a perfect genetic complement.
Like male and female in the first place.
Nature had a very good reason
for putting them together.
Oh, there you are.
They're going mad for you.
He's here.
[bell rings]
[Rob] Stand by.
-You'll like this, Sal.
-[Rob] Positions please.
There is where we get down to
the naked sweating underbelly
of this relationship.
-[Rob] Cue on camera two, Brett.
-[mouthing words]
[mouthing words]
[Rob] Eight seconds.
Six, five, four
We're back with our special guests,
Karen Zader and Mark Hutchison.
Karen, you've always been big here,
but it's only been in the last three years
that it's really happened for you.
Why is that?
Well, you know, three years ago,
there was a lot of
negative stuff happening
and it was draining my energy.
These days I can put my energy
into my music.
Three years ago, you spent more time
trying to get your face on magazine covers
than you did in the studio.
[scoffs] Yeah, just 'cause no one's
wanted to interview you
since anyone can remember.
There's nothing left to tell,
since you sold
the entire story of my private life
to the junk press!
Oh, they would have
found out anyway, sweetheart!
You were sleeping with our publicist.
Mark
What was the publicist's name?
[laughter]
Good show, guys.
Excuse me.
[Davis clears throat]
[chuckles]
Brett, I'm going out
for a final meeting now.
I'll give you a call
Feels good. Real good.
Yes!
Great! Great!
Congratulations.
Friends?
Friends?
So, what do you think
after the party, friend?
Oh, you know, drinking more.
Do you wanna come back to your place?
Yeah. Yep.
Here's to your new career
as a TV science journalist.
Ahem!
Of course, in a moment,
it will actually be my job.
Till we change back.
Mm.
-If we change back.
-Mm.
But, after that, it will be yours.
Thank you.
Any time.
And you're going to get your dream.
Eventually.
Right?
Oh well, I'm kind of
getting used to being you anyway.
[chuckles] Really?
-[chuckles]
-[soft music playing]
You
Watch me fall through your fingers
I will spill away
Why didn't you and I work out?
I guess I wasn't the right guy
for you after all.
Never lived up to your expectations.
I wasn't
what you wanted.
All I ever wanted was for you to love me.
But
I always have.
Why don't you let me do this?
I have a feeling I know what you like.
Okay.
[moaning]
Mm.
Mm.
We've changed back.
Mm.
You must be glad.
I suppose I am.
[phone rings]
Yeah, speaking.
Oh, sorry, yeah, hang on. It's Davis.
Yo.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Sure.
Sure, okay.
I, uh, got the job.
They want me to go and meet with him now.
There's a chance I might have to fly back
to the States with him this afternoon.
That's great. Congratulations.
I mean, you have to go.
You can't turn something like this down.
No, I suppose not.
Do you want me to give you
a lift to the airport, or
Do you want a hand to pack?
It's not definite about flying out today.
I'd better get over there
and find out.
Okay. Well, um, call me later,
then I'll be at my place.
Sure.
[intercom buzzes]
Hello?
[Brett] Tash. It's me.
Okay.
Can you come down?
I've got a taxi waiting.
Oh. All right.
[voice breaking] I'm sorry, I'm
I'm happy for you, it's just that
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
about everything, I
I didn't help you, and
support you either, it's just that
I didn't realize until it was too late.
Nearly too late.
What? You turned the job down?
So you're going?
What?
Well, I got the job.
And then I thought,
if they want a really modern show,
why should it be limited by geography
when cyberspace is endless.
Why have one compere in New York?
Why not have comperes all over the world?
Connected via satellite.
Sort of like the internet on TV.
And they flipped over the idea.
[laughs]
So stop crying and help me get these bags.
This cab's gonna cost a fortune.
Well, if you're not leaving,
what are the bags for?
Well, if you're gonna move into my place,
you're gonna need some extra cases
to pack your stuff in.
Are you asking me to move in with you?
Mm.
I'm messy.
No, you're just aesthetically relaxed.
I'm too punctual.
I'm working on my punctuality.
We have nothing in common.
Perfect.
Only you
Can make all this world seem right
Only you
Can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love
For only you
Only you
Can make all this change in me
For it's true
You are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand
The magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one and only you
Look around your world, pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me
And look into your heart, pretty baby
Is it aching with some nameless need?
Is there something wrong
and you can't put your finger on it?
Right then, roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don't try to deny it, pretty baby
You've been down so long
You can hardly see
When the engine's stalled
And it won't stop raining
It's the right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
It's the right time to roll to me
Ooh
Yeah, my florist,
I spent 40 bucks on them.
[Christina] You didn't.
Well, if I'm desperate enough
to be spending
Valentine's Day night with my friends,
playing Trivial Pursuit,
then I'm quite desperate enough
to send myself flowers.
And the rules of the game are
if you get a question right, you advance.
You get it wrong,
then you forfeit a piece of your attire.
-[Rob] Whoa!
-[Christina laughing]
You haven't left yourself
too much room for error, Laetitia.
It's hot. It's very hot.
I can't believe
we're really gonna do this.
Oh, come on.
With these guys, it'll be like seeing
-your brother in the shower.
-[door opens, closes]
[Rob] Oh, have you two been introduced?
Laetitia, this is Brett.
He's an old friend of mine from Melbourne.
Uh, Brett's just got the job
hosting our new music show.
Hi.
[knocking on door]
I'll get it.
[moans]
He's sort of a journalist.
Maybe he and Tash
will have something in common.
She's a science journalist.
He's gonna sit on a couch
and read the Top 20 backwards.
It's a very different thing.
Hi.
Hi.
Can I, uh, take your coat?
I'm cold.
It's very cold.
[all laughing]
What's the capital of
What is the capital of Vietnam?
-[Christina] Uh, Saigon.
-[Laetitia] Wrong!
-Hanoi.
-You thought it was Saigon?
[Laetitia] Oh, one, two, three Sports?
Okay, at The Tokyo Olympics
which individual won the--
Well, I'm out, because the Olympics
have always bored me to death.
[Rob] That was easy.
[Laetitia sighs seductively]
[Paul laughs] Oh, no.
[Christina laughs]
[Rob] With Laetitia out of the way,
that brings us to Brett.
-Brett-star, you're up.
-Last game's a good game.
Right, okay, here we go.
One, two, three.
-[Rob] Aw, entertainment again.
-[Paul] This is easy.
Which music act simultaneously held
the top five position
in the US singles charts?
The Beatles, March 1964.
"I Wanna Hold Your Hand."
"Please, Please Me," "Love Me Do,"
"From Me To You," "She Loves You."
-[Rob] Throw again.
-Very good, very good.
-One, two, three, four
-[all chuckle]
-[Paul] Ah, that's Tash's subject.
-Science.
What is the scientific term
for the substance produced in the brain
when one human being
is attracted to another?
Uh, that'd be, um
Steam?
[all laughing]
No, endorphins.
-[Christina] Endorphins?
-[Rob] Come on, mate, take it off.
-[Paul] Yeah, take it off.
-[Rob] Come on, take it off!
Well, Paul and Christina are out,
so it's Tash's go.
[Paul] Roll that dice, girl.
-[Christina] Three.
-Three.
-[Rob] One, two, three, ooh
-Oh, bugger.
[laughs] Entertainment.
[chuckles]
What '60s American TV series
featured a futuristic family
whose spaceship home became lost in space?
-[Christina] Oh, easy!
-[Paul] Oh, my goodness.
-Hello?
-[both laugh]
[Rob] I'll give you a clue.
[as The Robot] "Warning, warning!"
[all laughing]
Uh, Star Trek.
[all laughing]
No.
-No?
-[Rob] Wrong galaxy.
Okay.
[Rob] Right, make way for the champion.
Baby needs a new pair of shoes.
[all chattering in distance]
[Christina] Oh, my God!
-[all laughing]
-[shushing]
[gasps] Oh!
[bottle clattering]
[exhales]
Have you been looking at me?
Hmm.
Why?
Well, it's weird, but, uh
-I think I like you.
-[laughs]
I'm not your kind of person.
Why not?
You're the kind of guy
who sat at the back of the class at school
and at lunchtime kissed
all the glamorous girls
behind the football field.
I sat in the front row.
I spent lunchtimes on my own
reading chemistry books,
and no one noticed I was gone.
So don't you think
you got the wrong person?
[laughs nervously]
I had a secret crush
on that girl in the front row,
but, uh, I could never
seem to find her at lunchtimes.
You should have tried the library.
Ah, that's where you were.
[laughs]
I'm messy.
I'm very tidy.
I'm too punctual.
I'm usually late.
We've got nothing in common.
I don't care.
You are about to become
some kind of TV star.
Won't this new job change you?
Not a chance.
[thinking]
Teeth, perfect. Hair, unbelievable.
Five minutes to taping, Brett.
[clicks tongue]
What force in the universe
drives molecules
to join together to form matter?
This new research may help us understand
the origin of our universe,
and indeed, its future.
[softly] Yes!
-Sam, Jane.
-Good arse, Brett.
Thanks, babe.
Brett, just got off the phone
from New York.
This close, buddy. This close.
-It's gonna happen.
-Yes.
-When are we gonna know?
-Two weeks, max.
Fantastic. Whoo!
Great news. What does Tash think?
I haven't told her yet, but I will.
Hello, I'd like to speak
with Dr. Kamins, please.
This is Natasha Trevellyn
from The Australian.
Yes, I would like to leave a message.
I would like to interview him
about his new project.
If you could tell him I've called
everyday for the past month
and I will call again tomorrow.
Yes, you have got my number.
-Right. How's it going?
-Very good.
Thank you. Goodbye!
Page seven.
Page seven? It's a page three lead.
It's an egghead piece.
You're lucky I'm running it at all!
This is a crucial discovery,
I can get you graphics.
Is it about sex?
Is it about my car engine?
Is it a cure for cancer?
No. Page seven.
Right. The future of fuel injection
will be page two.
The future of the universe, forget it!
[laughing]
[bell rings]
Look out. Here's trouble.
Listen, folks.
Vanessa, you're looking well.
[Vanessa] I don't want any trouble
from you today.
-[director] Ten seconds, Brett.
-[Brett] Thirty-five seconds.
Fifty, 50, 100 seconds.
[sighs] Okay, let's go.
[showtune playing]
[cameraman] Five, four
Hi, I'm Brett Flinders,
and you're watching Express.
[keyboard clacking]
[water burbles loudly]
[keyboard continues clacking]
Uh, uh, it's molecules, not atoms.
[sighs heavily] It's punchier.
Molecules and atoms
are very different things.
It's not scientifically correct.
All right. Okay, okay, fine.
-[keyboard clacking]
-Thank you.
[woman] Hold everything!
The Health Minister has just resigned.
Any sex in it?
Yes.
[all clamoring]
So much for dignity in parliament.
Page 12.
[groans in frustration]
Bloody
-[upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
Look around your world, pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me
And look into your heart, pretty baby
Is it aching with some nameless need?
Is there something wrong
And you can't put your finger on it?
Right then, roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to
Talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don't try to deny it, pretty baby
You've been down so long
You can hardly see
[sighs]
It's the right time to roll to me
Roll to me
Roll to me
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
[knocking on door]
Ooh
Don't start an argument.
Ooh, baby.
[Brett moans]
Haven't you got something to tell me?
Like what?
Happy anniversary, genius.
-Happy anniversary.
-[laughs]
I'll just put these in some water.
[inhales deeply]
[exhales] They're beautiful.
[Brett thinking]
Thank you, florists everywhere.
[clears throat]
"Happy Valentine's Day, Brett,
from all the girls at Polygram Records."
Babe, the boat leaves at 8:00.
I was ready an hour ago.
What have I done now?
[techno music playing]
-[Brett] Hey, guys.
-Hey, Brett!
Happy Valentine's Day. Absolutely.
[man] Brett, mate,
let me get an appointment with you.
[Brett] Soon. Soon, soon, soon.
-Howdy, how are you?
-[woman] Okay, and you?
[Brett] Hey, mate, I'm not gonna kiss you.
I knew this would happen. Why do I come?
-[indistinct conversation]
-[chuckles]
You know,
you gotta be able to communicate--
Brett, hi!
-Good to see you.
-Hey, babe.
Terrific.
The word is out drift on down
Come on and have some fun
[both mouthing]
Young and old gather 'round
Hear the laughter in the air
So, Colette
Let's move it till the break of dawn
[laughs] Oh, look, it's me.
[Colette] Oh, there you are.
[inaudible]
[boat horn blaring]
[sighs]
Jesus, Tash, don't cry.
[Colette laughing]
I don't believe a word.
[Brett] It's true.
I'm telling you it's true.
No, you're a big liar.
-Hey, guess what?
-What?
Looks like I might be going to New York.
[Colette] New York? Really, what for?
Oh, they're looking for a new host
for the show over there,
and they've asked to see my tape.
Fantastic.
-When are you gonna find out?
-[Brett] End of the month.
Is that why things seem a bit tense
between you and Tash at the moment?
Uh, things aren't great
between me and Tash anyway.
She doesn't know about New York.
I haven't told her yet.
Shit. Tash?
Tash!
[boat horn blares]
[techno music playing]
Tash, Tash!
I don't want to talk about this
in front of 200 people.
Oh, why worry now?
You just told intimate details
of our private life to that model.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I didn't want a scene like this.
I'm not angry
because you're going to New York.
I'm angry because you confide in Colette
before you tell me.
Maybe I can talk to Collette
because she doesn't criticize me
all the time.
-[scoffs]
-Maybe I can have a good time with her
because she is not so uptight.
Uptight? Who wouldn't be uptight?
You're completely consumed
by that pathetic program.
It's just TV, Brett. Not world politics.
You're just a glorified CD salesman.
Oh, well, I'm sorry
that I don't live up to your standards.
[Brett scoffs]
I don't want to to do this anymore.
It's too hard.
Fine.
What's happened to you?
What's changed you?
I'm tired of trying to be
what you want me to be.
You want to be someone that I'm not.
You want me to be you.
Oh, I wish you would be me
so you could see how I feel for once.
I wish I could be you so I could show you
what an idiot you've become.
[sighs]
[Tash] I'm glad it's over.
He wasn't the right person for me.
Men like Brett will be extinct
in one generation.
I would have thought
they'd be propagating themselves stupid.
Not in this age of contraception.
They're missing
the crucial commitment gene.
No commitment, no kids.
No kids and they've bred themselves
out of the gene pool.
Every time I look into the eyes
of a louse, I think,
"Oh, evolution's got you marked, buddy."
Getting into a relationship with a woman
these days is like
It's like getting into a cab with a driver
that doesn't speak English.
I mean, you tell 'em where you want to go
when you start off,
and they nod and smile
and you think they've understood.
And then all of a sudden you look up,
and you're driving down,
"moving in" street,
or "having a baby" street.
And you say,
"No, I never wanted to go here."
And then, they start yelling
at you in some language
you don't even understand.
Man, I'll tell you something.
From now on, I'm walking.
Brett, Rob, hi!
-How you doing?
-Good. How are you?
Good.
Now what are you gonna do tonight?
Oh, I think I'll buy a family-size pizza
and eat myself to death.
Oh, don't do that. It's a full moon.
It's a very bad time to be eating alone.
-I'll come and help you.
-Okay.
-And I'll bring a bottle of wine.
-Okay.
[Brett] I had a secret crush
on that girl in the front row.
-Happy anniversary.
-[Tash laughs]
[Tash inhales deeply, exhales]
They're beautiful.
[laughing]
Well, I'm sorry [echoing]
[Tash] Hi.
Won't this new job change you? [echoing]
I can't do this.
[phone ringing]
[on answering machine] Hi, this is Brett,
and I'm listening to you.
[answering machine beeps]
Brett, it's Rob, it's nine o'clock.
I'm in the bar. The band's about to start.
Where are you, mate?
[answering machine beeps]
[Brett groans] Oh, man.
How long have I been asleep?
[exhales]
[screams]
[Brett's voice] Oh, my God.
[Tash's voice] Oh, my
[Brett's voice] Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
Tell me it's still there.
Please tell me it's still there.
[yells] No!
[Tash's voice] Mm, coming.
Leave me alone.
Oh, God, Laetitia,
don't knock the door down.
-[screams]
-Shit!
-[gasping]
-Shit!
-[Tasha's voice] Brett, is that you?
-Yes, it's me.
God
God What is this?
[gasps]
[Tash's voice]
The atomic number of an element
is equal to its number of protons.
[Brett's voice]
The atomic weight of an element
is the sum of its number
of protons and neutrons.
What are you talking about?
I look like you,
but I still think like me.
-You try it.
-What?
Think of something.
[sighs]
[Brett's voice] Pearl Jam,
formed in Seattle in 1990 when
[Tash's voice] Mother Love Bone.
They broke up,
and then they reformed
as, uh, Temple of the Dog.
-And then--
-Okay, we get the point.
Well, it's quite clear.
You're in my body, and I'm in yours.
We have our own minds.
This is fascinating.
It's not fascinating. It's frightening!
[sighs]
I knew we were spending
too much time together.
You!
You didn't even want to
share a plate together.
Now you've really moved in.
What have you done to me?
-What have you done to me?
-What have I done to you?
What have you done to me?
Stop shaking me.
Stop hitting me!
Tash. Tash.
[grunts]
[doorbell buzzes]
It's Laetitia.
Get rid of her.
You know what?
This is our chance to see
if this has really happened
or if it's some kind of
jewel hallucination.
[Laetitia] Tash, darling, it's moi.
Let me in.
[doorbell buzzes]
Put this on.
You make me look stupid.
[knock on door]
Hi, Laetitia.
So, do I still hate him,
or do I like him now?
When you've sorted it out,
why don't you let me know?
I just wish you two could be me,
so you could see how utterly
nauseating I think this looks.
What is up with that woman?
What?
What did I yell at you at the party?
Let me get the list.
I said, I wish you could be me
so you can see what it's like.
And I wish I could be you
to show you what a creep you've become.
What are you saying?
That this is a wish?
Am I wearing harem pants?
Does this look like an episode
of I Dream of Jeannie?
-No.
-It's medically, physically
and chemically impossible
for two bodies to dematerialize,
travel through the air and switch brains.
Science can't explain this.
The forces of the universe
are trying to teach you a lesson.
And since when have the forces
of the universe been on your side?
It's karma.
You were with Colette today.
Haven't you ever heard
of a mourning period?
I just ran into her.
There's nothing happening between me
and Colette.
Sure, serves you right, Brett.
You have no scruples.
Well, change me back
and I'll get out of your life.
Let's think logically,
we slept, we transformed.
Perhaps if we sleep again,
we'll wake up tomorrow
and everything will have changed back.
Maybe it's just a one day wish, you know,
like, King for a day.
King for a day.
Wait Where do you get this stuff from?
A little golden book of fairy rules?
Do you have a better hypothesis?
[sighs]
Oh, God.
[sighs, exhales]
-Oh, God. I'm dead.
-Why don't you go home, Brett?
You can call me in the morning
if anything happens.
-No way.
-Why not?
Have you seen that movie, The Fly?
If our bodies are going to be tilly
transporting themselves during the night,
I am not going to risk any interference.
And cruising around between my place
and yours,
we could end up
half teenage surf junky,
half pizza delivery van.
[scoffs]
I am not moving from here tonight.
You're not sleeping with me.
I'll sleep here.
All right.
What are you doing?
I'm just trying to get a hang of the door.
Stop perving on my body.
I have seen it all before, Tash.
Just, uh, not exactly from this angle.
Well, not anymore.
From now on, we're strangers,
and I'd like you to treat my body as such.
Hey, fine by me.
Good.
Good night.
[Tash's voice] Jesus,
looks like something out of Alien.
[Brett's voice] I'm going to open my eyes
and this will
all have been a horrible nightmare.
Shit.
[grunts]
[clears throat]
[whistling]
So much for theory number one.
What do we do now?
Well, I haven't been able to find anything
which could explain it.
I know
another science writer, though,
who's done a lot of work
on psycho physical forces.
Maybe he could put us onto someone.
We are not telling anyone about this.
Especially not the press.
What do you propose, Brett?
First, we need to get
some plain clothes from my place.
Brett Flinders cannot be seen
in an unironed shirt.
Do you really think that's a priority?
Come on, Tash.
You've seen those tabloid photos.
This is exactly how they have
a celebrity, tired and emotional.
You need to get the white linen shirt,
the black stove pipes,
my tan suede jacket.
Here, I'll give you a list.
[door closes]
[keypad beeping]
[knock on door]
Tash, what's going on?
[Brett's voice] Right.
Madam Lash.
Did Brett stay here last night?
Are you two back together again?
Well, uh, you could say we've
decided to stick together for a while.
Oh, my God.
Why? The guy is such a louse.
[Brett scoffs]
Thanks very much.
Oh, I don't know.
I think you misjudged Brett, Laetitia.
He's a cool guy.
He's funny,
he's stylish.
He's very charming.
[laughs] Yeah, he thinks he is.
Those big, cheesy smiles,
he looks like he should be doing
toothpaste commercials.
Between friends though,
tell me, you can't say
you've never found Brett attractive.
Tash, I can say it.
Look, uh, I don't know
how to tell you this,
but your so called ex-boyfriend
just tried to call me up.
-I told her not to tell anyone!
-What?
Maybe,
maybe he was just trying to be friendly.
Oh, [laughs] I doubt it.
Anyway, what's happened to his big break?
Is he still going to New York?
[Brett's voice] Oh, God, my job.
I don't know.
You can only hope.
-Hi.
-Bye.
We have got to do something about this.
You both seem in perfect health.
[Tash] But I
What makes her
him a man
and me, a woman?
-That's all okay?
-Absolutely.
Look, if you're looking at starting
a family,
you should have no problems.
[scoffs] I'm not ready to become a father.
[chuckles] I don't think you ever will be.
It's very common in a relationship to feel
like you've lost your sense of self.
However, role playing
can be a wonderful way
of really bringing out
those little gripes into the open.
I'd definitely give up dairy products.
This is a nightmare!
Take it out on your furniture,
not mine.
What are we gonna do tomorrow?
We'll have to be in sick.
We can't do that.
Mondays, I have to submit
my story ideas for the week.
You'll have to go in for me.
What?
I can write my article at home
in the evenings
and you can submit it on Thursday.
As long as there is no press conference,
you should cope.
It's not easy, my job, you know?
Neither is mine.
You? All you do is sit back
in a lounge chair drinking vodka,
gossiping with people
on national television.
I can do that.
Get up, walk around.
Come on.
[scoffs]
You don't even walk like me.
You're too stiff.
Relax, cruise with it.
Learn from the hippie man.
You walk as if you've got someone
playing cymbals in your pants.
[imitating high-hat]
It's a high-hat, not cymbals.
Anyway, it's better than
brass marching band like you.
[imitating trumpet]
I'm not that bad.
You are.
You're like a tiny tank, Tash.
You wouldn't want to
get in the way of you.
-It's frightening.
-Ho ho ho ho!
Are they really gonna believe you're me?
Well, they're certainly not
gonna think of anyone else, are they?
I know you like the back of my hand.
And I know you like the back of my hand.
Hmm, see what I mean?
[peppy music playing]
Look.
[vocalizing]
[vocalizing]
Oh, shit.
[vocalizing]
Ooh!
I think I've told you everything.
Now, remember. Tell Harrison
you're working on a story
on Electro Magnetics.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-If anything happens, call me.
-[shushing]
Hi, guys.
-Hi.
-The usual?
Thanks.
I'm not drinking herbed tea.
Okay, now you say nothing
this morning.
Just keep quiet
and agree with everyone.
If anyone asks, say you got the flu.
All right.
[Tash clears throat]
No. In your pocket.
Your wallet goes in your pocket.
Your purse goes in your handbag.
Oh, hi, Brett.
Hi, Brett.
Hi, gorgeous.
[Tash's voice]
Is this an office or a harem?
Hi, Brett.
Nice tie.
The day hasn't been the same
without your morning ambush.
What have you got?
I'm, uh,
working on a story about, um
-Electro-magnetics.
-Great.
Saved the front page for that one.
Uh, coffee, lots of milk.
Two sugars.
Drop dead.
[Davis] Well, then, the answer
is no drinking on camera.
It's not a good look, all right?
I don't give a shit what the guests
think they need to get
through an interview.
Okay. Video of the week.
What do we think, folks?
Come on. Come on. Come on.
What? Pearl Jam?
Brett?
[Tash's voice] Pearl Jam?
Pearl Jam? What
What's Pearl Jam?
Uh [chuckles]
Remind me, what what is Pearl Jam?
[all laugh]
What's Pearl Jam?
We'll go with Lemonheads.
Lemonheads.
[Tash's voice] What's a lemon head?
All right, ratings.
Exactly.
So tomorrow, Brett, you'll spend the day
with TV Week, cover story.
[Tash's voice] Oh, great.
[telephone ringing]
Great.
Glad you like it.
Crystal, can I have a word?
It's for you.
Hello.
What's up with the secretaries
in this dump?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
How's it going?
Fine.
We'll discuss it tonight.
-Have you spoken to Harrison yet?
-Yeah. Yeah.
Listen, we've got to go to
Steve's opening at 6:00.
I promised him upfront.
Do I have to?
Yeah, you have to because I have to
and you are me, remember?
Yes, all right.
What am I supposed to do
for the rest of the day?
Count staples?
I always go through
my new science journals on Monday.
They'll be in the basket on the desk.
Bring them home for me, will you?
Okay, see you at 6:00.
You didn't tell me
your ratings were down.
Oh, we just had a run of
dead guests lately, it's nothing.
What did they say?
They said they want you to do
an interview all day tomorrow
with some TV magazine.
TV World, TV times
-TV Star.
-TV Week?
-Mmm. I think I'll call in sick.
-[exclaims]
No way. It's too important.
All day? It's gonna be a cover story. Yes!
And how am I supposed to get my job done?
Hey. It's under control.
Hey, don't spill anything
on that shirt, it's a Gaultier.
Where was it that we last
I remember, it was Tahiti,
that beautiful little lagoon.
[man] There's a fine line
between commerce and art
and this stuff,
it doesn't fall into either.
You know, it's kind of a more of a
[Tash's voice] Hmm
Hmm
Oh, no!
Oh, God, it moves by itself.
-Hi.
-Stand in front of me.
This is so embarrassing.
I've obviously still got your hormones.
You really are over sexed, aren't you?
Hey, your libido
isn't exactly unmoved by this either.
So does, this mean you two
have sorted things out?
-Well
-Yes.
It was all my fault.
I was a complete creep.
I apologized to Tash and admitted
I was entirely in the wrong.
Good for you.
No one even guesses.
[chuckles] This could be fun.
[man] Ooh, baby.
Do you, um, find Tash attractive?
Yeah, little bit.
She's wild in bed.
Brett is very sensitive,
and he loves intelligent women.
He's always said that about you.
That he, uh,
he admires your intelligence.
Hmm.
I always knew she liked me.
Don't look now, but I think
she's coming to talk to you.
Well, it's good to see you two
have made up.
Colette, I want to apologize
about the other night,
I was being totally neurotic.
And I guess sometimes
I'm just a silly woman.
Oh, how did I do that?
Hey, I have got a great arse.
-Taxi?
-Hang on.
I've written some notes
for the TV Week interview.
Be pleasant and smile a lot.
I'll give it a go.
[cameraman] Fantastic.
-Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.
-[camera shutter clicks]
Now, how about a really big smile?
That's fantastic. That's great.
[cameraman]
Just relax a bit more, Brett, will you?
Lean up against that tree.
You look a bit tense.
Fantastic.
[Tash sighs]
This is like watching paint dry.
He's not normally like this.
Let's give him a break
for a couple of minutes.
Okay. Uh, take a break
for a few minutes, Brett.
We're just changing the cameras.
Hey, look at this.
New Scientist?
[rock music playing]
[burps]
[music stops]
Here's tomorrow's story.
Now, when you file it, tell Harrison
it's groundbreaking research.
-It's a page five.
-Mm-hmm.
And keep an eye on Mark,
and make sure he makes no changes
to the scientific terms.
-Uh-huh.
-Page five, no changes.
Have you got that?
Yeah, yeah.
Five changes. No pages.
Hey, hey, Tash.
Tash, come here.
I want to ask you a serious question.
I've, um
I've been thinking about our position
from the the scientific point of view,
and, well, it's a little
inconvenient for us.
We are very unique
in having this experience
and I've been thinking,
haven't we got a responsibility
to explore the situation and document it?
You know, like,
for greater scientific knowledge?
You're right.
What do you think we should do,
keep a diary?
No.
I thought we should have sex.
I'm serious, Tash.
It's the ultimate hidden secret.
What is sex really like
for the other half?
We
could be the pioneers.
What's wrong?
I never knew my face went like that.
This, uh,
this isn't happening for me.
What do you do to get it working?
What do you mean?
Well, what do you think about?
What do you visualize?
-My sexual fantasies?
-Yeah.
I'm not telling you.
Come on, Tash.
-No.
-It's for science.
All humanity will thank you.
Tash.
Come on.
Mr. Watley, my chemistry teacher
says
"You haven't done your homework.
You're a very bad girl."
[laughs] Is that it?
-Oh, Tash, Tash, wait.
-[door closes]
[groans]
[clears throat]
Rob's phone.
Rob, it's uh, Tash.
Tash, it's great to hear from you.
How are you?
Fine. Look, Rob
I'm ringing
because I'm worried about Brett.
He's been, um, pretty weird lately.
I was wondering if anyone's
noticed anything at work.
No, I don't think so.
[Brett's voice] Oh, thank God.
Actually, I was just thinking of you.
The science show here
is auditioning for a new reporter.
I thought you might be interested.
[Brett laughs] Oh, are you kidding?
Tash, on TV?
Uh, no thanks, Rob,
I'm happy here at the good old paper.
-Look, keep it mind.
-Yeah, I will. Thanks, see you.
Some Professor Caymans called
while you were out.
Thanks, sweetheart.
[loud game noises]
Hey, Tash.
Tash?
Yeah?
You've written "subatomic particles"
here quite a few times.
I, uh, I just wanted to change
just one of them,
to molecules.
-Is that all right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sounds okay to me, pal.
-[videogame sounds]
-[grunts]
I don't believe this! Molecules?
He kind of ruined my reputation.
I didn't ask to do any of this.
You didn't have to do anything.
Just remember a simple message.
God!
Tash, Tash, Tash.
Now remember, you have to relax
and smile, you look great.
The jacket really suits you.
You want a glass of water?
When it's your job,
you're concerned enough, aren't you?
I'm a real journalist.
I know how to interview people.
-[bell ringing]
-[Rob] Stand by.
Positions, please.
Standby, autocue.
Coming to you on camera two, Brett.
-[imperceptible]
-[Rob] About to roll the opener.
-[opening theme music playing]
-Ten,
nine, eight,
seven, six,
five, four
[Rob whispering] Two, two
And, hi.
Welcome to a really happening show tonight
that's crammed with all the hottest
and the latest
Fifteen takes just for the intro!
I told you, relax and smile.
[Brett] I said sorry.
What are you doing?
I want to watch it again.
I want to watch you wreck my career
right before my eyes.
Welcome to
a really happening show tonight
Look, look, look!
You make me look like a dead person!
-Ugh!
-I'm sick of this.
I'm doing your job and my job.
From now on,
you can do my job on your own.
-I bet you won't do any better.
-Oh, really?
All right, you're on.
And stop putting
so much food into my body.
It's not your body at the moment.
Well, you don't know
how long you're gonna be in it.
And the world's a hard place
for a fat woman
as you may well have time to find out.
I'm not gonna have two years
slogging it in that gym
wasted on pizzas I don't even get to eat.
And what if I do?
I might have a sudden desire
to perm my hair.
-I want my life back.
-I want my flat back.
Move back to your own place.
Oh, and what are people gonna think?
She comes round to visit you.
And what do you say?
"Oh, I'm living in your place.
No, you're living at your place.
I mean, you're living in my place
-as a joke.
-[banging]
[neighbor yelling]
Will you guys shut up?
We'll have to swap apartments.
Fine. I'll pack my things.
What things?
You're not going to get much chance
to wear dresses or your lipstick.
Give me the keys.
[Tash's voice] Hmm.
Brett's favorite record.
Clean it first, Tash.
These records are worth a lot of money.
You keep saying
You'll be mine for a while
You're lookin' fancy
And I like your style
You drive us wild, we'll drive you
[Tash's voice]
Brett's designer boxer shorts.
Brett's silk socks.
Brett's favorite leather jacket.
Brett's favorite baseball cap.
I wanna rock and roll all night
And party every day
I wanna rock and roll all night
And party every day
I wanna rock and roll all night
-I can't hear you
-And party every day
I wanna rock and roll all night
-Oh, yeah
-And party every day
[Tasha's voice] Fantastic!
[Brett's voice] Hmm. Why doesn't
she ever wear these?
I love all this stuff.
You keep on shouting
You keep on shouting
[Tash's voice] I knew it.
[Brett's voice] Ooh, baby. You sexy thing.
Ooh.
[phone ringing]
-Hello.
-[Brett] Louse.
[Brett's voice] What's she got in here?
Surveillance cameras?
[indistinct chatter]
[Brett's voice] Oh, yes, I have died
and gone to heaven.
Mm-mm.
Laetitia. Whoa!
This beats playing basketball.
[man] Go!
Come on!
[man] Brett, come on!
Hey!
What a dickhead.
[drums music playing]
[women shouting]
[all shouting in unison]
[yells]
Ow! [groans]
You hurt me, Robbie.
Sorry, man. My foul. Your ball.
[Laetitia] It absolutely amazes me.
I mean, can you believe
Paul and Christina?
They're friends for, what, eight years,
and suddenly they stop bonking each other
-and now they're going to get married.
-Mm.
And Christina does say the sex
is quite good, except Paul does worry
that he can't give her multiple orgasms,
and I keep saying to him--
Hang on, hang on.
-She told you that?
-Yes. Why wouldn't she?
Do they
Do they really exist?
I mean, do any women actually have them?
God, I don't know. But we still write
about them in the magazines.
Got to give the boys something
to worry about. [cackles]
Huh.
Tell me about the the G-spot.
[Rob] Get in
-How's your love life, Robbie?
-Uh, yeah, you know, the same.
It's important to have a real relationship
in this business, isn't it?
I mean, you can't
just survive on a career.
[Rob] Mm.
What do you think about Tash?
About her and I. Do you think we should
try and get back together again?
[scoffs] I don't know, mate.
None of my business.
I mean, I can only say
what I've said before.
And what was that again?
You know, I I don't think
she's the girl for you.
[women giggling]
[Brett] What's going on?
Have I got on odd socks or something?
Davis is going off his head about it,
but I think it's cute.
That is cute.
Why shouldn't brains be sexy?
I'm gonna make some coffee.
Would you like one?
[Brett's voice] Reading glasses.
No one sees me in my reading glasses.
No one on TV has glasses!
I'm gonna kill her.
Brett Flinders.
Reading glasses? What are you doing?
You should be grateful.
At least I made you look
like you're a person of some credibility
instead of the male equivalent
of a barrel girl.
Fine. Just remember, you started this.
Since as that we're speaking,
we're going to have to see each other.
There's a dinner party
for Paul and Christina on Wednesday
-at my place. Uh, your place.
-What?
I promised them months ago.
They're our friends
and they're getting married.
Don't worry, Brett. I'll do it all.
[sighs in exasperation]
[inaudible]
[Brett's voice]
I know what their stories need.
Harrison.
Yes.
-I've, uh, got an idea for a story.
-Mm.
It's about science of sex.
[woman] Superficial, sensationalist
and page three!
Laugh when he jokes
Slap him when he chokes
It's time to give up the smokes
And oh, when he cries
Don't wipe his eyes
Take the wine from the swine
And remind him of his crimes
Oh, in another world
[inaudible]
Oh, in another world
Yeah, he could wear a dress
Imagine his surprise
When he opened his eyes
And I'd run the lawnmower
over his thighs
Oh, in another world
Yeah, he could wear a dress
Oh, in another world
[distant]
Yeah, he could wear a dress
How's it going?
You just have to brown that chicken
and follow the rest
of the recipe. It's easy.
-Well, are you gonna give me a hand?
-What?
Brett Flinders, Mr. Takeaway King.
I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation.
You better add something soon,
otherwise, we're all gonna get very tipsy.
Brett's not being much help, eh?
Is there something I can do?
He doesn't know how lucky he is.
I know how lucky he is.
[Brett's voice] What?
Oh, no.
I think you're terrific, Tash.
I've always thought you were terrific.
Dinner's ready!
[Brett's voice] Rob likes Tash?
[woman] It's not that you two have been
I can't believe it.
[people laughing]
A toast to the hostess.
This meal is fantastic.
-[all] To Tash.
-[Brett's voice] They all like her.
What is this? I'm the popular one!
God, no. You better throw it to Laetitia.
-We might all get crushed in the rush.
-[people laughing]
[Brett's voice] I'm the funny one!
Maybe she's funny because she's me now.
Who does that make me?
-No, I do not mind the distinguished--
-Excuse me.
-[man] Distinguished anything.
-[people laughing]
Oh, man, I am losing it.
Stay calm, stay calm. I'm me.
I'm Brett.
There's something different
about you, Tash.
-You're not pregnant, are you?
-Ugh. That'd be all I need.
Uh, no.
Oh, well, one day.
You know, maybe I should
throw the bouquet to Brett.
Then he might get the idea.
Yeah. I don't think
Brett's the marrying kind.
If Brett isn't going to get there, Tash,
don't you miss out.
Find someone who appreciates you.
It's no fun to be alone.
Thank you.
Top show, mate.
-See you later.
-Okay, see ya.
Feel like a walk?
Sure.
Tash, I think we need
to talk about the future.
I know. Davis says we should find out
any day now about the New York job.
It's a big chance for you, and you never
know when we might change back.
Tash, I
I was talking about something
more important than that.
I missed you, Tash.
And I realized that
I haven't always done
the right thing by you.
I'd like to give us another chance.
I I'll try to do it properly,
living together, everything.
If you want.
Do you really mean it?
Look at the way we are.
Who else could there be for us?
And what am I gonna do? Pick up guys?
It may be this way forever.
I see.
You haven't really changed your mind.
You're just afraid of having no one.
I'm just being realistic.
I'm talking about us being together.
I thought that's what you wanted.
If it had come three weeks earlier,
it would have meant a lot more.
[scoffs] Oh, right.
Not only do I have to be what you want,
but I have to be it when you want it, too.
You've just had a taste of what it's like
being on the receiving end
and you're scared
you're gonna get stuck that way.
You've made it very clear
over the past few weeks
that being me is the worst thing
that could've ever happened to you.
Well, I'm not overjoyed
about being you either.
But I'm going to make the most of it.
I've decided now.
I'm gonna go for that job,
and if I get it,
-I'm going to New York.
-Oh, I give up.
I can't win with you.
What if we change back?
Would you still feel the same way then?
I guess we may never know.
[sniffling]
[Brett's voice] Oh.
Someone's broken a nail.
What's wrong?
What's wrong with me?
Why does it never work out?
-There's nothing wrong with you.
-There must be.
It always, always happens to me.
[sobbing]
Hey.
Come on.
-Bastards.
-Bastards.
[Brett's voice] It's a dog eat dog world
out there.
Paul and Christina.
Do you vow to care for
and cherish each other,
respecting your differences,
sharing your weaknesses
and your strengths,
and remembering always
the magic of the love
which brought you together?
-We do.
-We do.
[people cheering]
-[woman laughing]
-I know.
-Look at that dress.
-Mm.
So, are you two still not talking?
I'm not gonna let it spoil my night.
I'm gonna have a good time.
-They're all little boys. [chuckles]
-Laetitia, you're a winner.
Oh, God. Look who's here.
-Oh, well, I'll get us some supplies.
-I'll come with you.
I think Paul and Christina were gonna
go there for their honeymoon.
What are you wearing?
You're making me look
like a gameshow hostess.
Your image needed a lift.
What, you've lifted it right out
the front of that dress.
I'm not afraid of my sexuality.
Laetitia helped me pick it out.
Stay away from my friend. She'd be sick
if she knew who you really were.
You're with Rob. I'll do what I like.
Hi, Brett. I didn't know
you were going to be here.
Colette.
We haven't talked in a long time.
In fact, I don't think we've ever talked.
How's work?
Why don't you tell me all about it?
I'd much rather hear about you.
What's happening about New York?
[indistinct chatter]
Yeah, he trusts me. I'm his director
-Hi.
-This is my boyfriend, Brett.
You're so funny.
[Brett's voice] Oh, please.
Hey, uh, I'm just gonna go
and powder my nose.
-Don't go away, will you?
-I'll be right here.
Good.
Will you stop coming on to her?
Well, the shoe's
on the other foot now, isn't it?
He who lives by the sword
dies by the sword, buster.
And what if she thinks it's serious?
Have you thought
about that, Miss Morality?
-Keep it down.
-Look who's worried about appearances now.
I think this job's
going to your head, Tash.
Taxi! Wait! Wait!
-[Tash] Stop, you bastard.
-Brett, I'll give you a lift.
No, it's all right, Colette.
I just want to be alone.
Well, you'll never get a cab
at this hour on a Saturday.
-Stop! Stop.
-[car honking]
My car's right here.
[Jeff] Colette.
Go away, Jeff.
Oh, come on, baby.
I just want to speak to you.
Piss off! Just ignore him, Brett.
Who's he?
He doesn't want to talk to you,
and I don't want to talk to you,
so just go away!
Look, when a woman says
she doesn't want to talk to you,
it means she doesn't want to talk to you.
When a guy says something like that to me,
it means he wants his head smacked in.
-I don't want to fight you.
-Too bad, mate.
[thud]
[Brett groans]
[groans]
Oh, my lip. My lip.
Oh, poor, poor Brett.
Colette, please don't
take offense, but I can't do this.
I really can't explain, but I
-I've had a lot to drink.
-That's okay.
I understand.
You do? Oh, great.
It's got nothing to do with you.
I'm sure you're a really nice girl.
[zipper unzips]
Don't take it personally.
Colette, what are you doing?
No, no. Stop.
[Tash moans] Wow!
Come on, Tash. Give me the keys.
Rob, it's my car. I'm driving.
I think I should drive, eh?
Come on, into the car.
-You all right?
-Mm-hmm.
-Yep.
-Keys.
That's a girl.
Here we go.
[Tash] Whoa.
Ooh, and a slam dunk to the switch.
Very good.
There we go. You all right?
Well, I should be going.
No, no, no, no.
Stay and have another drink.
-No, I don't think I can drink anymore.
-You want a coffee?
Yeah.
Have a coffee.
[Tash clears throat]
Thanks.
God, women's clothes are sexy.
But they're kind of complicated.
[Rob clears throat] Tash, um
you know, Brett's my best friend.
Well, there are rules
about this kind of thing.
[Brett] Oh, Rob. What a guy.
But you don't realize
I'm your best friend.
[laughs]
No. No, mate, stop.
I know it feels weird.
But you and Brett have broken up.
We're not doing anything wrong. Mmm.
[Brett] Oh, no.
Oh, no. No, you don't understand, Rob.
-This could be dangerous.
-[shushes] I've got condoms.
[Brett] Oh, well, basketball will
never be the same again.
[Brett] That's it.
Sorry.
[Brett] Oh, what have I done?
[Tash] What have I done?
[phone keypad beeps]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing, beeps]
[answering machine] Hi, this is Tash.
And I'm listening to you.
Tash, it's Laetitia. This is
the fourth time I've called.
Why don't you pick up?
I'm getting really worried.
-[beep]
-[tape winding]
[phone ringing, beeps]
[answering machine] Hi, this is Tash.
And I'm listening to you.
Tash, it's, uh, it's me, Rob.
Uh, look, will you give me a call?
I'd really like to see you.
Oh, no.
-[phone ringing]
-Hello.
Hi, Robbie.
Feel like going down
and shooting a few baskets?
Loser buys the drinks.
Brett. Uh, yeah, look, I can't.
I've gotta go to my brother's for a
family lunch.
I'll see you tomorrow?
Bye.
[sighs]
[sighs]
[sighs]
Tash, I know you're in there!
Tash, please!
I won't go away!
Come on, let me in.
Granny's chocolates.
Well, if you're gonna eat yourself
into a diabetic coma,
you could have at least chosen
something a little more exotic.
[sobbing]
Tash.
Well, don't cry.
What is wrong with me?
There's nothing wrong with you.
You You're binging out on chocolates
and feeling weepy.
You're probably just getting your period.
My what? My period?
Oh, God! Oh, no!
Oh, it's not that bad.
It's only normal after all.
It's not normal.
Listen to me, Laetitia, I am not Tash.
I am just in Tash's body.
Tash is in my body.
I am Brett.
Oh, you've got to get over this.
This is getting crazy.
Forget Brett. You have got to
get your life together.
[Brett's voice] What life?
I don't have a life.
[crying]
[church bell tolling]
[man laughing in the distance]
[exhales]
[Brett's voice] I can't do this anymore.
Miss Trevellyn.
I quit.
[Davis] Now, as you all know,
the international head of production's
flying in to see this show.
Mark Hutchinson is confirmed,
but Jenny Mathison canceled.
So, who do we like?
Any thoughts, people?
Brett? Brett? You with us?
Oh. Uh, yes.
Um, I've developed a formula
to predict who will rate well
based upon guests,
past appearances and ratings.
And I think we should get, um um
Karen Zader.
[all laugh]
Very amusing, Brett.
What's wrong?
Hutchison and Zader haven't even
spoken to each other,
let alone appeared in public
since they broke up three years ago.
I'm sure they'd be overjoyed to have
a cozy little chat on national television.
We could ask them.
It's been three years,
I'm sure they're over by now.
Brett, she sold the entire story
of their breakup
to The Truth with Pictures.
And he called his last album
The Bitch in Black.
Any sensible suggestions?
I know my idea sounds unusual,
but I'd still like you to consider it.
If they agreed, it would be great.
An interview with some conflict
is what we need.
And since when did you decide
what we need?
Brett, I don't want this New York gig
to go to your head.
When that guy comes to see the show,
you won't be the only guy he's looking at.
See, producing a TV show is like football.
It's a team sport.
Every member of the team has a position.
And every position has a job to do.
Do you know what your job is?
To interview.
To do whatever I can to make
the interviews in-teresting.
To read. That's your job.
To read.
You can do whatever you like
to make your reading interesting.
The rest you can leave
to the other players of the team.
[sniffles]
Oh, for Christ's sake, Brett, don't cry.
Off to kill her.
Who do you think will be next?
[sobbing]
-[door opens]
-[sobbing]
Brett. Mate, I
I have to tell you something.
I slept with Tash.
You did what?
I shouldn't have.
You gotta understand.
I've been in love with her for years.
[Tasha's voice] In love with me?
You two had broken up
We'd had a lot to drink
And you know how it is.
[Tasha's voice] Brett slept with you?
I don't want this to come between us.
You and I have been
friends for a long time.
I'd like to think that we can still,
you know,
play basketball.
I have had enough.
I've been insulted, abused, head-butted.
I was beaten up in the name of sport,
and I've cried in front of
the entire office.
I just find out that my ex-boyfriend
has slept with another man,
and all anyone can do
is offer me a game of basketball.
I don't wanna play basketball.
I don't wanna be a man anymore.
I want to talk to somebody.
I want to be a woman.
[door slams shut]
[moaning]
Oh, no. You haven't
Don't say anything.
[sighs]
I feel shocking.
I know this is some kind of karma thing
and the whole universe
is laughing its head off at me,
but I get the point.
I was wrong.
I've been wrong in so many ways
I can't count.
[exhales]
I'm sorry.
You know
I think this is like one of those
three-legged races we had at school.
If we keep running in opposite directions,
we're never gonna get anywhere.
Yeah, I know.
Rob, you owe me a favor.
I want you to see if you can still
get Tasha a shot on that science show.
Tell them we have
a great interview subject.
Mm-hmm. Good.
Dr. Kamins, it's Natasha Trevellyn again.
I was with The Australian.
Ah, yes, I'm aware of your policy
regarding interviews.
But I know how relevant
your research is to many people.
And just as you have
your responsibilities as scientists,
I have my responsibilities
as a science journalist.
And that is to see that the public
get to share in the knowledge
that science creates,
which is knowledge
that belongs to all humankind.
Yes.
Okay.
Cool.
Thanks.
-He'll do it.
-Yes!
But only on Friday afternoon.
Just before the show?
Well, we'll have to deal with that.
Everyone on the team
has the right to contribute.
My Zader and Hutchison idea was good.
And I'm not leaving until you consider it.
[files thud]
I've researched the ratings of past shows.
Separately, these two
have always been big broadcasts.
Together, they'll break through the roof.
Oh, piss off, Brett.
They'll never go for it.
They have.
I told each of them
that the other had agreed to appear.
They had to say yes, or else look like
they were the one who hadn't.
Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good, B.
You've got to make it punchier.
Not too punchy.
No, no, not too punchy.
Just punchy enough.
[chuckles]
[bell rings]
[Rob] Production tape. B roll.
15 seconds please.
Right. We ready to go?
[Rob] Stand by.
Don't let it freak you.
Just try and imagine it's you and me
having a private conversation.
[clicks tongue]
Dr. Kamins, we're very grateful
to you for speaking to us.
We understand this is the first time
you've spoken to the press
about your new research.
Could you tell us what you've discovered
about human reproduction and evolution?
We've been studying the genes
of thousands of couples.
And what we found is,
that in the majority of cases,
people's natural instinct
will subconsciously
lead them to choose the person
who is the perfect
genetic compliment for them.
Ah.
Does this mean that
there's a scientific basis
-to love at first sight?
-Yes.
And for other folk wisdoms,
such as "opposites attract,"
we found in our research that many people
are attracted to those
who are very different from them.
Often, these people would later
worry about this
and try to to change
their partner physically
and behaviorally
to be more like themselves.
However, we found that in these cases,
the opposition of their genes in fact
formed a perfect genetic complement.
Like male and female in the first place.
Nature had a very good reason
for putting them together.
Oh, there you are.
They're going mad for you.
He's here.
[bell rings]
[Rob] Stand by.
-You'll like this, Sal.
-[Rob] Positions please.
There is where we get down to
the naked sweating underbelly
of this relationship.
-[Rob] Cue on camera two, Brett.
-[mouthing words]
[mouthing words]
[Rob] Eight seconds.
Six, five, four
We're back with our special guests,
Karen Zader and Mark Hutchison.
Karen, you've always been big here,
but it's only been in the last three years
that it's really happened for you.
Why is that?
Well, you know, three years ago,
there was a lot of
negative stuff happening
and it was draining my energy.
These days I can put my energy
into my music.
Three years ago, you spent more time
trying to get your face on magazine covers
than you did in the studio.
[scoffs] Yeah, just 'cause no one's
wanted to interview you
since anyone can remember.
There's nothing left to tell,
since you sold
the entire story of my private life
to the junk press!
Oh, they would have
found out anyway, sweetheart!
You were sleeping with our publicist.
Mark
What was the publicist's name?
[laughter]
Good show, guys.
Excuse me.
[Davis clears throat]
[chuckles]
Brett, I'm going out
for a final meeting now.
I'll give you a call
Feels good. Real good.
Yes!
Great! Great!
Congratulations.
Friends?
Friends?
So, what do you think
after the party, friend?
Oh, you know, drinking more.
Do you wanna come back to your place?
Yeah. Yep.
Here's to your new career
as a TV science journalist.
Ahem!
Of course, in a moment,
it will actually be my job.
Till we change back.
Mm.
-If we change back.
-Mm.
But, after that, it will be yours.
Thank you.
Any time.
And you're going to get your dream.
Eventually.
Right?
Oh well, I'm kind of
getting used to being you anyway.
[chuckles] Really?
-[chuckles]
-[soft music playing]
You
Watch me fall through your fingers
I will spill away
Why didn't you and I work out?
I guess I wasn't the right guy
for you after all.
Never lived up to your expectations.
I wasn't
what you wanted.
All I ever wanted was for you to love me.
But
I always have.
Why don't you let me do this?
I have a feeling I know what you like.
Okay.
[moaning]
Mm.
Mm.
We've changed back.
Mm.
You must be glad.
I suppose I am.
[phone rings]
Yeah, speaking.
Oh, sorry, yeah, hang on. It's Davis.
Yo.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Sure.
Sure, okay.
I, uh, got the job.
They want me to go and meet with him now.
There's a chance I might have to fly back
to the States with him this afternoon.
That's great. Congratulations.
I mean, you have to go.
You can't turn something like this down.
No, I suppose not.
Do you want me to give you
a lift to the airport, or
Do you want a hand to pack?
It's not definite about flying out today.
I'd better get over there
and find out.
Okay. Well, um, call me later,
then I'll be at my place.
Sure.
[intercom buzzes]
Hello?
[Brett] Tash. It's me.
Okay.
Can you come down?
I've got a taxi waiting.
Oh. All right.
[voice breaking] I'm sorry, I'm
I'm happy for you, it's just that
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
about everything, I
I didn't help you, and
support you either, it's just that
I didn't realize until it was too late.
Nearly too late.
What? You turned the job down?
So you're going?
What?
Well, I got the job.
And then I thought,
if they want a really modern show,
why should it be limited by geography
when cyberspace is endless.
Why have one compere in New York?
Why not have comperes all over the world?
Connected via satellite.
Sort of like the internet on TV.
And they flipped over the idea.
[laughs]
So stop crying and help me get these bags.
This cab's gonna cost a fortune.
Well, if you're not leaving,
what are the bags for?
Well, if you're gonna move into my place,
you're gonna need some extra cases
to pack your stuff in.
Are you asking me to move in with you?
Mm.
I'm messy.
No, you're just aesthetically relaxed.
I'm too punctual.
I'm working on my punctuality.
We have nothing in common.
Perfect.
Only you
Can make all this world seem right
Only you
Can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love
For only you
Only you
Can make all this change in me
For it's true
You are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand
The magic that you do
You're my dream come true
My one and only you
Look around your world, pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me
And look into your heart, pretty baby
Is it aching with some nameless need?
Is there something wrong
and you can't put your finger on it?
Right then, roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don't try to deny it, pretty baby
You've been down so long
You can hardly see
When the engine's stalled
And it won't stop raining
It's the right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
It's the right time to roll to me
Ooh