Deadly Illusion (1987) Movie Script
Just because you're gay
doesn't mean you can't shoot straight.
Nobody implied that, sir.
I have a right to equal protection.
And I don't want to hear any bulshit!
Or you will see pickets around this
office up to your male chauvinist ass.
Why does everybody have to use
such bad language around here.
I haven't got any fucking idea.
Well, Mr. Hamberger,
back again, it seems.
Your file was transferred to the
Deputy Commissioner's office.
And then the Assistant District Attorney
sent a note down to the licensing office.
I'm flattered. All those
top dogs troubling themselves?
Well, you shot several people,
Mr. Hamberger. -Only three.
I can't go outside my
house without my gun.
I'll be a dead man. Please
check it one more time. Yeah.
So, I was thinking a .38-caliber
Smith and Wesson snub nose.
The really cute one?
That'll let them know that
I want to be taken seriously.
I'll tell you. I'm not
getting ripped off again.
If one of those
muggers comes up to me,
I'm gonna blow his
fucking head off.
Okay, what do you say? Huh?
What do you mean
it's not approved?
You got to approve
this goddamn license!
Or else I'll blow
your brains out!
Drop the gun and
slide it over here,
or I'll blow her fucking
brains out. Now do it!
Back up, everybody. Somebody's
gotta pay for it. You're gonna die!
Application approved.
Don't move, sucker!
Spread your legs, baby.
Damn it. That's four, I'm sorry.
Forget it.
Can I move now?
-Yeah.
I need a drink.
I've already done enough
for you for one day.
My name is Hamberger.
Please, no jokes about the name.
On January 1st, the population
of New York was 7,161,400.
But I can't figure out is, how
come half this town knows my face?
# Deadly eyes zero in
# Doing strange things to me
# If eyes meet eyes I gotta hide
# Else they'll see
right through me
# Suddenly Illusions are real
# There's no need to fear me
# Reality seems to be
# Better 'cause you're near me
# Illusions are real
# Oh
# Illusions are real
# Yeah
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real
Have you come up
with any more evidence?
Well, we're right on the brink
of something, I can feel it now.
Actual proof?
You just leave it to us.
Well, it's been such a long road.
Oh, I nearly forgot, Mr. Hamberger,
nearly forgot to pay you.
Thank you.
Rina, why don't you make
out a receipt for Mrs. Bains.
I don't know what
I'd do without you two.
You're the only people
who listen and understand.
Here you go.
The turkey was very tasty.
Can I give you a ride home now?
My taxi is right outside.
Oh, no, no, thank you.
My doctor says I should walk.
Here, let me help you.
It's all right, dear. I can
make it under my own steam.
Well, Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
Be careful.
That $5 does more good for her
than all the doctor bills in the world.
Ah, Jesus, she ate for $6.95.
I'll do something big
for her next week.
You know, one day you're gonna fly
down to Dallas and really solve it for her.
Belated Merry Christmas.
Well, this must be Mr. Burton.
You're right on time.
Uh, if you don't mind, uh,
what I'd like to talk
about is confidential.
Rina and I don't
have any secrets.
Well, let's make
the gentleman comfortable.
I'll go for the Haagen-Dazs.
He adores Haagen-Dazs.
Vanilla Swiss Almond.
And don't let it melt.
Oh, gosh.
That's the trouble with her.
Around her everything
melts. Everything.
You, uh, you come to
me highly recommended,
but what kind of a place
is this to do business in?
I'm an unemployed person.
I hang out in
delicatessens all day
and hope that
work will turn up.
You mean you're a
detective without a license.
Got a lot of trouble with licenses.
That's why I don't own a car or a dog.
Very well, let me
get to the point.
The thing is, you see, uh,
I'd like to get my wife murdered
and I thought maybe you
could do something about it.
Could you be a little
more direct? - Mm-hm.
I don't care how you do it.
A gun, your hands,
a pillow perhaps.
What makes you think
I'm in that line?
You're involved in so many
circumstances where people die violently.
It's accidental. I try to wound
people, but I got a lousy aim.
Oh, I know you've never
been indicted for anything.
What's the problem?
Now let's go to my office.
We're talking about a...
- Uh, Charlie, come here.
Give the ears a
rest. - Thank you.
Excuse me.
It's a matter of
some $100,000 in cash.
Now, if you can't do it yourself,
surely you can find me
someone who can.
Act as your middle man,
keep you insulated?
I wouldn't know where to look.
I'm sure you're well connected.
Did you just say $100,000?
Thought that's what you said.
That's a lot of cash.
Can you tell me some nasty
things about your wife?
Things that might make it easier.
What can I say about her...
Sharon is really, actually,
a very pleasant person.
Very active in charities.
The problem is, she knows
too much about my business.
Things that could ruin
me with my partners,
not to mention the tax people.
And you know how the nice ones
can get when they've been crossed.
Yeah, I've run across
a few nice ones in my time.
Do you have a photograph of
Sharon in your billfold? - Certainly.
Here's the photograph.
I prepared an itinerary
of her daily activities.
A plan and keys to our
New York apartment.
A map and keys to our
weekend place on the Island.
I, uh, I trust you know
how to dispose of these
when you finish with them?
Thanks for the confidence.
Shall we say, uh,
$25,000 in cash now
and the balance upon
execution of our agreement?
I would hate to take your money
if I'm not able to go through with it.
Bad for my conscience.
Conscience?
All right, I'm squeamish.
I don't like the sight
of dead bodies.
Then why do you
make so many?
I'm off to Chicago.
I should be back for our annual
New Year's bash next Tuesday.
It'd be nice if I didn't have
a date for that party.
Make me a widower,
Mr. Hamberger.
I thought this Christmas
season was gonna be,
you know, the kind
you see in the movies.
Me and Rina in front
of a warm fire...
Well, you know the rest.
Instead, here I am driving
50 miles out in the suburbs
because some guy offers
me 100 grand to kill his wife.
I wanna meet the woman
that's worth $100,000.
After all, I did take
the down payment.
DENNY ENTERPRISE
30 ROCKFELLER CENTER ROOM 404
N. Y. , N. Y. 10020
This refrigerator is larger
than my apartment.
You've got a great body,
but that gun is distracting.
I don't even know if
this thing is loaded.
I just pulled it out from under
the bed where my husband keeps it.
Wouldn't it be embarrassing
if I pulled this trigger
and nothing happened?
Wouldn't it be more
embarrassing if something did?
So, what were
you going to steal?
The jewelry,
my stereo? - No.
I didn't hear any
glass breaking.
Well, I had a key.
Several keys.
And to your place
in the city, too.
You might say I work
for your husband.
What, you work
for Alex? - Mm-hm.
You just came out here
to pick something up?
No, to put something away. You.
Do you mind if I sit down?
I'd really rather you didn't.
It's easier to hit a standing
target. - I don't think so.
He gave me your picture.
Which pocket?
This pocket.
Not bad.
This is terrible.
Alex took this one himself.
Yeah, he takes his own pictures,
but doesn't do his own murders.
And if you're so outraged,
then why did you take this job?
Well, if I had turned him down,
then he would've looked elsewhere
and found somebody else.
And then one day,
I'd see another picture of you
splashed across the centerfold
of the Daily News
and it would ruin my morning.
Aw, and now you can wake up
to a whole series
of unending guiltless mornings,
right, Mr. uh...
Hamberger. And please,
don't make fun of my name.
So, this thing was unloaded?
You'll never know.
There's, uh, more
chicken in the refrigerator.
Yes, I saw.
Now, hold on now,
I don't want a falling-down
drunk on my hands.
This one's for you.
Thank you.
Besides, I might fall in your direction.
Would you catch me?
So tell me, how are
you planning to do it?
With your big strong hands?
And you have large
glatt instrument.
I like to improvise.
Oh, good. So do I.
I'm sure you can make it, uh,
quick and painless.
That's more than life can be.
God, I had no idea you
criminals led such exciting lives.
I'm not a criminal exactly.
What, an outlaw, then?
You like that better? - Mm.
Hm? Mm-hm.
So, maybe you'd do
me a little favor. - What?
Maybe you could do
a little job on my husband.
All right, I'm sorry I asked.
That wouldn't be ethical.
I mean, after all, he asked me first.
Boy, is he gonna be surprised
when he comes home
and finds me playing hostess
at his little New Year's bash.
Get on a plane, get out of town.
I'd forget about the festivities
if I were you.
You like me, Hamburger.
Like yourself.
Came to me and...
Ham, you ware great.
I took your advice and split.
Love, Sharon.
That's the easiest $25,000 I ever made.
Now all I got to do is come up
with a story for her husband.
Ham, what are you doing
out here in the suburbs?
Keep the change.
- Thanks.
My man, Ham!
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, okay.
Maybe she'll buy this.
Rina, I had to spend the night
with Mrs. Burton
because her plane didn't leave
until this morning.
Out of the way, bozo!
Well, here goes nothing.
I scared you.
You always scare me.
But in that dress you terrify me.
Thank you. You like it? Mm-hm.
What every New York
cabbie should wear.
It should increase your tips.
Hey, what's wrong?
- Nothing.
You're lying. - No, I'm not
lying. What am I lying about?
You're lying.
I'm not lying about...
I didn't even say anything.
What do you mean I'm lying?
- 'Cause I can tell.
I mean, aren't you gonna...
You're gonna catch cold in that dress.
No, I'm not.
It has gloves to go with it.
Oh, good, great, let's...
Can we see the gloves?
Come on, I'll show you.
I'm gonna put 'em on
so I don't hurt my
knuckles when I hit you.
Beat you to a pulp.
What are you gonna hit me for?
I didn't do anything.
Yeah. What did I do?
I'm gonna feel pretty
shabby next to you.
Yeah? So I rented you a tux.
What, just sit around
the apartment then?
I like us to be alone.
This way I got you all to myself.
Let-Let me put
some of this stuff up for you.
As I was going up Pippen
Hill Pippen Hill was dirty.
There I met a pretty Miss
And she dropped me a curtsy
Little Miss, pretty Miss,
All blessings light upon you
If I had half-a-crown a day,
I'd gladly spend it on you.
Bullshit.
So, how's the young
lady out on Long Island?
Not so young, but a nice woman.
Yeah? - Should I put
this up? - How nice.
Yeah. I can't lie to you, Rina,
because you'd know.
I didn't kill her.
And I didn't sleep with her either.
You didn't, huh?
It was a pretty big shock
when she found out
her husband wanted
to have her iced, hm?
Bet she cried all over
your little shoulder now, didn't she?
Ooh, I bet you made her feel
just like a woman again, right?
I talked to her.
Ooh, I bet you told her all about me.
I told her all about your
cab and everything, okay?
Yeah, right.
Put it on.
Oh, please.
You better put it on quick.
You know I'd never
shoot you in a rented tux.
I'll be doggone. Look
at that. - Mm, mm, mm.
$25,000. I thought I hid this from you.
Not too good. Took me
about four minutes to find it.
You just walked into my apartment
and just ransacked the damn place.
I didn't have to ransack nothing.
I'm gonna have to
get myself a vicious dog
to keep you off
my property. - Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Mm-hm.
Yeah, and he'll learn to love me, too.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
Hey, I love you.
Madly.
- Mm-hm?
Yeah. Yeah, sure you do.
Better hold onto
this before I lose it.
I'll certainly do that.
- Yeah.
Oh, hello, Paul.
Enjoying the scenery?
Maybe if he wasn't
here, it'd be better.
Well, season's greetings, Lieutenant.
What do you got
to be so jolly about?
I'm glad you came by.
Rina and I picked out for you for Christmas
a year's supply of...Odor-Eaters.
What, is that a joke?
It's very funny.
You're a regular comedian.
I got one for you, funny man.
You know a lady
named Mrs. Alex Burton?
Does she say I know her?
- Well, she doesn't say anything.
You see, they found her dead
in her house out in the Hamptons
and your fingerprints
are all over the fucking place.
Including the bedroom.
Oh, now you're painting me
a pretty picture here.
How did she die?
Well, she was shot at close range.
Now, you wanna deny you were there?
- I put her on a plane.
She must have come back.
- You put her on a plane?
Yeah. - Hey, you.
I said, hey, you.
Wait a minute, now...
- Whoa!
You're really something.
You've ruined my
entire New Year's Eve here.
Wait a minute! - I used to believe
that stuff that you handed out.
Rina, let me explain it to you.
But he's smarter than me.
Well, wait a second.
Maybe she finally does understand.
Why don't you...
- Hey, you!
I sure as hell do understand!
I got you all figured out now.
I... I...
You were with her. You were with her.
All right, come on. I'm taking you...
Wait a second!
All right. Hey, listen. Maybe you
could beat a confession out of him.
Listen, you.
- I'm not allowed to.
I've already had enough of you.
Wait a minute-
Shut up!
You've loused up my entire life. Damn it.
Wait a minute, let
me explain. - Explain?
You got the right to
remain silent, ashole.
Oh, ya, come on. Explain.
- Let me explain it to you.
Come on. I felt sorry for her, so I...
Sorry? Sorry for her.
Shut up! - Yeah. I...
Okay! Wait a second,
I got a few presents for you, buddy.
It's over. You want to
take a few things with you?
Here. Could you hold this, please?
- Absolutely. - I don't wanna...
That's right.
Here, take your coat, too. Yeah.
Take everything!
Take your light!
And get out. Okay?
It's over. You understand? It's over.
That's right. It's over between
you and I. Get out!
Take this too! Shut up!
Here's something else.
You're a real humanit...
He's a real humanitarian
when it comes to women.
Aren't you? Oh, yeah.
Okay. You can have him now.
Thank you.
Son of a bitch. Damn it!
He never ever listens.
Damn it.
Excuse me.
May I see your invitation, please?
I work for Alex Burton.
Hey, what's the matter?
Are you afraid you're
gonna miss the New Year?
I'm ending it right.
Oh, my goodness!
Move it, move it!
We all saw it. We're all witnesses.
The man attacked you.
Well, just remember that
when the police arrive,
that your guest of honor was misbehaving.
Guest of honor?
I thought this was Alex Burton's party.
It is. All the more pity
he could not attend.
It seems his plane is grounded
in Chicago because of a blizzard.
But, uh, such is fate.
That definitely wasn't Alex Burton
that just took that dive?
Then who the hell was he?
I have no idea.
Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
Well, well, look who's back.
Hey. You giving up your
whole New Year's on my account.
Well, the year started
off pretty amazing.
I understand a guy went through
a window on the Times Square tonight.
Yeah, I got a great view of it.
I heard.
- You did?
Now just relax.
I'm gonna take your piece off you.
I am relaxed.
You're the one who's not relaxed.
What'd you do with
Rina? Lock her up?
Come on, you know
better than that.
You know what's really amazing?
You abuse this kid,
and she still sticks with you.
I don't understand.
She only cares what I
do when we're together
and we do just great,
thank you very much.
You know, we know
each other a long time.
Yeah, that's true.
You're making me look bad.
Now I want all of it.
The guy said he was Burton.
He laid 25 grand on me to kill his wife.
I kept it and warned
her. That's all.
Well, where's the money?
Rina's got it.
You stupid bastard.
You're making her an accessory.
Let's go.
Come on. Get in the car.
I never knew how strongly
you felt about her.
Come on. In the car.
I'm awfully glad you got
that out of your system.
So am I. I feel
better now. - I don't.
Go ahead, take a walk!
Why don't we take a
look at the lady's body?
Medical Examiner's got it.
Well, I could use a
doctor right about now.
Look, Rina's gonna ask you
who did this to you.
I'll tell her I got mugged.
You can take
these cuffs off now.
I'll take the cuffs off
when we get to Bellevue.
You've been beating me
since we were 12 years old.
When do I get to win one?
Never.
Better take these cuffs off me. before
I make a citizen's complaint about you.
Turn around.
How's your wrist?
Here. - What do you mean how's
my wrist? It hurts.
Wipe your lip.
Keep walkin'.
What did I tell you?
Isn't that something?
What a waste.
This isn't the Mrs. Burton I saw.
It's fraud.
- This is a much junger women.
This woman just had intercourse
shortly before she died.
Oh, not with me, not this one.
Has anybody else
made an identification, Al?
Sure. The mother, the brother,
they both were here.
That's Sharon Burton all right.
Yeah, what about the husband?
- That's him, that's Burton.
What? Not even close.
Who are you guys? What right do you have
to be in here looking at her like this?
You're a very devoted husband, Mr. Burton.
Who is he?
Lieutenant Lefferts.
This man claims that
someone pretending to be you
approached him and offered
him money to murder your wife.
What are you saying?
This isn't a burglary?
About your height.
A little thinner.
Steel grey hair.
You'll find a version of him
on that cold slab over there.
Why would someone put a contract
out on your wife, Mr. Burton?
This man took
money to kill Sharon?
I'm gonna hurt him bad.
- Hey, you lay off!
Wexler, it's all right.
Just wait out by the car.
Next time I'll hit him harder.
Go ahead.
Wexler was very
devoted to Mrs. Burton.
I understand.
Everibudy is kicking
my ass today.
What, are you going to arrest him,
or charge him, or what?
Well, we want to take our
time on this, Mr. Burton.
We want a conviction.
Not some mess that goes to the
Court of Appeals and gets reversed on us.
I've already been
brutalized twice today,
so I think you're gonna be
a little out of luck on that account.
This man bleeds.
What do you know?
I'd like to have one more time
alone with my wife, please.
Come on, Hamberger, let's go.
DA wants to see you.
Come on.
I said alone.
This guy Burton was pretty torn up.
And I guess it doesn't matter
how much money you got.
Yeah, Wexler's pretty
upset, too. - Right.
You're really gonna
book me, aren't you?
The Assistant DA wants
a shot at you first.
Let's go.
This is really great. I get pulled out
of my own New Year's party
at 4:30 a.m. to have
a conference with you two.
Alex Burton is a major
figure on Wall Street
and a big contributor
to the mayor's campaign fund.
Now that puts a lot of
pressure on our office
to charge somebody
with his wife's murder.
Him, for example?
- He'll do.
Hey, wait a minute, I didn't murder her.
Shut up. I'll handle this.
Oh, you'll handle this?
You were obviously
too busy to see
the late news tonight.
You made television history.
A man flew out of
a 20th-floor window
and landed in the middle
of Times Square at midnight.
Look, I can explain what happened.
I'm giving you till 10:00 p.m.
on Friday night to apprehend the killer.
And it had better stick.
Happy New Year.
On national television?
Oh, I swear to God,
I don't know what's happening.
Somebody is setting me up.
But I'm gonna find out
what's going on.
Ham, you got till
10:00 Friday night.
That's all I can give you.
Rina!
Rina!
Jeez, I'm hung over
and I'm not even drunk.
Rina!
New Year's Eve,
and nobody shows up
at my party, man. Rina!
Happy New Year, baby!
Rina!
# Should old acquaintance Be forgot
Rina!
Happy New Year, neighbor.
Rina?
Don't die on me, Rina.
Don't move.
On your knees.
- Yes, ma'am.
So, now that you've ruined
my New Year's for the third year in a row,
what you got to
say for yourself, buddy?
Grounds for justifiable
homicide. - Hm.
I thought you were gonna shoot me.
Well, I would have.
But I didn't want them to shoot you first.
Oh, that's...
That's thoughtful of you, dear.
Happy New Year, darling.
I see Paul finally got to you.
He was pretty mad at me, you know.
I told him he could spank me.
And? - He said he'd save
the spanking for you.
He did, huh?
- Mm-hm.
So who screwed up the wall?
Over there.
I figure it's gotta be
somebody looking for you.
I would've went after him,
but as you can see I'm butt naked.
Well, then you better get down
before somebody shoots you.
They were after you.
You're the only witness
to Mr. Burton's proposition.
Only, Mr. Burton wasn't Mr. Burton
and Mrs. Burton wasn't Mrs. Burton.
Does that mean
we don't get to keep the cash?
Oh, you beautiful...
mercenary creature, you.
Yes, we get to keep the cash,
provided we come up with a murderer
by Friday, 10:00 p.m.
Ooh, that means we got lots
of time, right? Come here.
Now you can go over
to Sharon Burton's apartment
and talk to the doorman,
the delivery boy, the janitor. Huh?
Wait a second. How come I have
to talk to the delivery boys
and the janitors
and you get to talk
with the limousine drivers
and the call girls
and all the fun stuff?
You wanna to make love me.
The delivery boys love you, baby.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna make them love me.
Hey, check it out now. AC's the name
and Three-Card Monte's the game.
We're gonna play it one time.
Now, red card is a winner,
black card is a loser, understand?
Reds move ahead.
Black, you stay back, you got it?
I got it.
- Good. AC.
Which one you want, man,
which one you want? That one.
You sure? You sure you got the money
to pay for it? That one.
You sure? You sure you got the money...
That one.
Hey, no problem, you won, brother.
Check it out.
Pay the man. Check it out.
Hey, look, man,
today must be your lucky day.
Check it out, man.
Red card, red card.
Honey, okay, so we're gonna go
to the apartment, right?
Then we're gonna...
- Whoa. Whoa. H-H-Hold it.
I ain't got time for that right now.
What do you mean
you ain't got time for that?
Here, take this cash,
get yourself something, buy something.
Go on. Come on, beat it,
I'll see you later.
Hey, what do you say, Willy?
Boy, you're looking good.
Hamberger. In person.
You're not looking
that bad yourself today.
Thank you very much.
You enjoying la dolce vita?
La dolce what?
- Good life, Willy, the good life.
Come on, let's take a walk down the, uh,
boulevard here.
Sure. What's on your mind?
Well, Willy,
a woman got murdered out
on Long Island a few days ago.
Mrs. Alex Burton.
She was an addict.
You supply her...
- Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute, man.
Don't try to put that on
me, man. Who says so?
I say so. Hey, what do you say, Willy?
Wait a minute, man. I do not discuss
my clients' business, all right?
Well...
I'm gonna tell you why
you're gonna help me out.
It's nice to lend a
hand to an old friend.
Friend?
Let me tell you something.
I don't think you have any friends.
Now, you're hurting
my feelings, Willy.
I don't care about me
hurting your feelings, man.
Hey! Hey!
Now, how would
a woman like that
come in contact
with scum like you?
Who?! Jane Mallory.
She has got that
modeling agency, man.
She got a whole lot of people
into drugs, man.
Her girls bring that
top-grade stuff in from Europe.
All right?
All right.
You know what, man?
People are right about you!
You're nuts!
Hi, Mallory Agency.
Yes. No, we have
general interviews... - Hi.
...from 1:00 to 5:00 on Wednesdays.
Just bring your book by.
Thanks, Bye-bye.
Hi, may I help you?
That depends on you.
Really? Well, then you're
gonna have a terrific day.
You can start by getting me
in to see Miss Mallory.
Oh, is that all?
- Will that be difficult?
Great name.
Thanks.
Hi. There's a Mr. Hamberger
here to see Miss Jane Mallory.
Uh, no, he does not
have an appointment.
Okay. Thanks. Bye-bye.
I'm gonna need that back.
It's the only one I've got.
Thanks.
Do you supply the models for
the TV commercials for the Burton file?
Yep. We do all their
print and TV spots.
Then Alex Burton's been
up here? Personally?
Excuse me.
Yes?
Okay, great.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
Why don't you
ask Miss Mallory that?
As a matter of fact, she's been expecting
you and she is right down the hall.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
You're kinda cute.
- Oh, thanks.
So are you.
Excuse me. Thanks again.
Mallory Agency.
Mr. Hamberger, come in.
Nice to meet you.
Hello. How are you?
Fine. What can I do for you?
You know, you have
a very rugged face.
Has anyone ever told you
you ought to try modeling?
I thought you had to be
good-looking to be a model.
Well, it doesn't hurt.
But, on the other hand,
every once in a while I have a client
who's looking for a particular
face for a particular product.
Right now there's an aftershave lotion
that you would be just perfect for.
Well, I'm sorry.
I-I don't like to have my picture taken.
You never know
what someone's gonna do with it.
Are you trying to put
me at a disadvantage?
Do you always
do that to women?
You know, I always think
of you as that little girl.
What were you, five years old
when you started modeling?
Six. Sweet of you to remember.
The most photographed
face in the world.
Who'd ever thought
she'd grow up to be a pusher?
A what?
You've been a naughty girl,
supplying no-no's to your friends.
But, when a chum gets murdered,
then it becomes serious.
Or shall I say customer?
Now, you know that
that is a ridiculous accusation
and you also know
I could sue you for it.
Well, the beauty of my position
is that I don't have very much.
Two suits, an apartment I owe rent on,
no stocks or bonds, no boat.
So, you see, lady,
I'm invulnerable.
Yes, so I've heard.
I just like to make people squirm.
I particularly like
the way you squirm.
You started out accommodating
friends and clients.
Now, it's big business, isn't it?
Mr. Hamberger, I don't know
what the hell you're talking about.
Maybe I should just
talk to the police.
Maybe we could, uh,
chat over cocktails?
You did say you
have another suit.
Oh, yes. I... My,
uh, my good suit.
Great. Why don't you
go put that one on
and meet me at
4:30 at 1 Main Street?
4:30 at 1 Main Street.
One. Right.
Okay.
How do you stay so trim?
Hypertension.
I'll do my best to
try to add to that.
Don't worry, you're doing great.
So, you heard?
Now, 4:45 sharp
I'm going to excuse myself
to go to the ladies' room.
You take care of the rest.
Don't I always?
But this one, I think
I'm going to enjoy.
You can't kid me.
You enjoy them all.
Miss Gloria Reid?
Yeah. Who are you?
My name is Hamberger.
Oh, you don't have to be afraid.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
I'm just looking
for some information.
I got your name out of this
book, this little address book.
It was one of those
names crossed out in red.
Do you know a Jane Mallory?
Yeah. Sure I do.
I used to work for her.
I could pick the lock
for you, if you'd like.
I've already been inside.
You wanna go in?
Come on, I-I put up a pot of coffee.
It's necessary that I talk to you.
Come on.
All right.
You shouldn't smoke.
It's bad for you.
Turn around for a minute.
Let me see your face.
You curious?
Wanna see it up close?
Beautiful, isn't it?
- What happened?
I was in a car accident.
I went through the windshield.
You didn't go through a windshield.
Why does it concern you?
Why does it interest you?
I've known men like you.
Men who kinda like it.
Very sick men.
What do you mean...
What sick men?
Sometimes I wish they'd
done the whole job.
You really did make coffee.
Yeah. And I'll go get it.
You just hang in here for a minute.
All right, here we
are. Cafe for two.
For you.
For me.
You have a sweet tooth.
We all have our weaknesses.
Let me see your arm.
I've been clean
about six months.
I can't afford it.
If I had the money,
I would be right back to it.
Well, here's to
your staying broke.
Who are you?
Tell me about the people
who cut your face up
and who's behind it.
Look.
There are quite a few names,
besides yours, crossed
out in red. See?
I think some of these women
might welcome some help.
What's this all about?
All right.
You wanna know, I'll tell you.
I was modeling for Jane Mallory.
She sent us on a number of trips
to the Cypress and Middle East...
and I found out that some of
the girls were bringing back stuff.
And I taught, it
must be ok,
I mean we are top model, making
200.000 - 300000 $ on year
The tax is gettin
shit of that
so I quess that make
me to breaking the low.
I think you're in
some kind of danger.
Something really crazy is going on
and I don't know what it is.
But this was years ago.
I want you to leave
this apartment for a while.
Is there any place
where you can go?
Yeah. My friend Caroline's
in France for a month.
I... I have her keys.
I water her plants.
I could go there.
Go there. Stay in.
Order out.
I'm gonna give you my card
and I want you to contact me
as soon as you're situated.
Now don't lose it.
It's the only one I've got.
Every time I get in trouble,
there's a beautiful woman involved.
Why is it this one scares me?
I'm meeting the famous Miss Mallory.
I'm afraid I can't seat
you without a necktie.
But in Miss Mallory's case,
we might make an exception
if you will simply button
the top button of your shirt.
How do I look?
- Slightly blue.
I took the liberty
of ordering the wine.
How come you don't have
to keep your collar buttoned?
I'm a girl, didn't you notice?
It seems you have difficulty
hanging on to your models.
There's been a hell
of a turnover lately.
Yes. Well, you know how
beautiful women are... fickle.
They, uh, fall in love,
go off and get married and so on.
Some of them die.
Mainly suicides.
I suppose it's difficult
for someone to understand
why a beautiful woman
would want to take her own life.
But often, they don't see
themselves as beautiful.
Like, sometimes they just see themselves
as objects that people want and desire.
Yes, that could be frustrating.
Yes. Well, I'm sure you've
known your share
of beautiful women, Mr. Hamberger.
Were they happy?
Usually not.
But I did my best
to cheer them up.
It didn't work out too good.
Excuse me, sir.
That little old button.
I hope the food is good.
Oh, it is.
And the view is spectacular,
don't you think?
I can't tell.
I'm about to
black out. Excuse me.
Waiter. Waiter, what is this?
I hope you're not gonna
catch cold and die on me.
Now,
tell me about
the girls that didn't die.
Beautiful girls, partially disfigured
and ashamed ever to be seen
or photographed again.
You've seen what
happened to those girls?
One of them. Like Gloria Reid.
You remember her.
Well, then you know that people
like that can't be stopped.
I might stop some of them.
There's a gentleman
who takes a psychopathic pleasure
in altering ladies' faces for them.
Their own personal
plastic surgeon, huh?
I'd like to meet him sometime
and discuss his bedside manner.
Would you excuse
me just a moment?
Now, wait a minute.
This is getting interesting.
Oh, I'll just be a minute.
But first, tell me about Alex Burton
and how he fits into this scheme.
Alex's wife was an addict.
He found out I was supplying
her and came to me all in a rage
and then, instead
we became friends.
I introduced him to my contact
in Marseilles, we became partners.
Now is that enough for you
to digest for the moment?
May I please go
powder my nose?
Where are you rushing?
You must have told
somebody about our date.
My secretary made the reservations.
It certainly wouldn't have
been very hard to find out.
Lady, in another minute you
would have been in the ladies' room.
No place safer
than the ladies' room.
Well, it's a hell of a lot safer than
hanging out with you, Mr. Hamberger.
Well, this is the address
on the bottle.
Denny Enterprises,
30 Rockefeller Center, room 404.
I wonder how Clyde
Denny is tied into this.
Anybody here?
Ever get a funny
feeling, hotdog?
Too often around you.
- Just stop.
Looks like they didn't lock up
too good, huh?
Wow, check out this place.
Those kind of pictures always
gave me bad dreams. - Not me.
I kinda like being
scared in the dark.
Check this out.
That's what you're gonna look
like when you're about 60.
Well, how about this?
That's what you're
looking like right now.
You know who this is?
This is Jane Mallory. - Yeah.
One of the most photographed
models in the world.
I've seen her on all
the covers of the magazines.
You keep up with
that stuff, don't you?
Here, cover me.
Clyde Denny?
Either his most convincing
special effect or he's dead.
I bet on dead.
He used to be
famous, too, didn't he?
Yeah, he spent a lot of his
spare time developing prosthetics
for our disfigured war vets.
Well, so much for
Clyde Denny. Nothing.
Let's take a look
around down there.
Looky, looky.
Hey, look up there.
Hold it! Hey, hold it!
Fuck!
Look out! Move!
Hamberger!
Let go of me. Come on.
Let go of me!
No! He didn't do anything!
Let go of me!
Okay, let's go.
Get your hands off of her!
Get your hands off of her!
You get away from her!
Hamberger, what are you doing?
Let me explain! Get your hands off me!
What are you doing in this city, huh?
I mean, what,
you hate holidays or something?
He was chasing after the man
that murdered Clyde Denny,
up there, fourth floor, shot!
You're supposed to find the killer.
Not cause more murders.
Look, the guy you want
is some kind of an acrobatic,
some kind of a circus performer
who's still ahead. Not me.
I'm still trying to clean the mess up
downtown from the helicopter.
Quit blaming him for everything, okay?
Take the cuffs off of him. Yes, sir.
Take the stuff out of your hair.
And get out of here
before the media shows up.
I'll see you Friday at 10:00 p.m.
with Burton's killer.
You better be there.
- Okay.
Well, with this guy loose,
gonna have to raise taxes.
Merry Christmas.
Let's go. There's another stiff
on the fourth floor.
Drop me off here.
I'm gonna have a talk with Burton.
I only have one witness.
Her name is Gloria Reid.
Oh, great. Another beautiful model.
Somebody cut up her face.
And you're the father figure.
I can't believe this.
Some of the stuff I put up with.
When am I gonna learn?
She's at 149, Fraser
Avenue, apartment 3.
Well, we'll just sit around
and talk about how
wonderful you are.
Watch that!
Oh, you're not serious. You're
gonna be sorry you came up here.
Oh, Wexler, I hate violence.
Going down?
Is Alex Burton here?
Excuse me?
Is Alex Burton here? It's okay.
You don't have an appointment.
You can't go in there.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
Is Alex Burton here?
- You can't go in there.
Yes, I can.
Because of the decline
in quarterly profits,
there'll be no dividend this period.
Furthermore, I...
- Excuse me.
Sir, you must be in the wrong place.
Will you check with the receptionist?
It's okay.
- What is okay?
It's all right.
I-I don't understand.
Who are you?
His name is Hamberger.
Lookit, I failed economics in high school,
but I know that gold fluctuates
and the bottom fell out
of the silver market a year ago.
But drugs, they never lose their value.
They only go up.
What're you talking about?
That a very small select segment
of American big business
has shifted to raw heroin
as a method of hedging their bets
against inflation in the currency change.
I'm gonna call security.
Security is on a coffee break.
Sit down, Petersen.
- Yes, sir.
All right, let's speculate
that certain private investors
wish to control the drug market.
Don't you think that's been
going on for some time?
Don't you think even governments
have participated?
Don't lecture me.
Just tell me who disfigures
and murders beautiful women.
We needn't tell him anything.
I don't think he's
gonna shoot anybody.
For God's sakes, tell him.
The man you want
is Ambrose Costillion.
We contact him through his sister
who is a model for the Mallory Agency.
Satisfied?
That's the name I wanted.
Just needed verification.
I'd hate to kill anybody
without verification.
On Wall Street, when
the crunch comes,
they tell me guys like you
usually jump out of windows.
Try not to fall on me.
Thanks a lot.
Cosmopolitan.
New Yorker magazine.
Mademoiselle.
Gentlemen's Quarterly.
Guns and Ammo Monthly.
May I present Miss Francette Masse.
Presenting Patty Petersen.
Pardon me, but...
aren't you Reggie Jackson,
the ball player?
No, I'm Jesse Jackson,
the Presidential candidate.
Oh, heh, right on.
Meet Mr. Jesse Jackson.
Oh, thanks. Mr. Jessie Jackson.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Cheers to you.
- Now look at Anita Paul.
Ladies. Good to see you.
What is this?
Don't eat that stuff.
It's terrible stuff.
You are so tacky.
I try.
You know you have
no business being here.
You couldn't be more wrong.
How would you like it
if I had you thrown out?
By one of them?
What are you, one of those guys
who likes to beat up on homosexuals?
I tried that once.
He was the ex-middleweight
hampion of the US Marine Corp.
I lasted five rounds.
Well, I can see that you
would be attractive to all the sexes.
And here we have Nancy Costillion.
Let's see how I appeal
to Miss Nancy Costillion.
Leave Nancy alone.
Keep this cold for me.
Ta-da.
Sorry.
Don't eat that.
Excuse me, sir. This area's
restricted. You can't go in.
That's okay.
Uh, Miss Costillion, I gotta talk to you.
I don't know you.
Sorry, I have to change.
Well, the whole operation's collapsing.
Your brother's panicky
and he's killing people.
I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.
You're a witness. Maybe
the only witness to a lot of it.
You've gotta be silenced.
Yeah, your own brother.
You know he's capable of it.
Just get out of here!
Nancy, go back to
your dressing room.
Nancy, you don't
have to be afraid!
I want to help you!
- Stop it. Leave her alone.
Nancy, get back to
your dressing room!
I don't believe this.
I didn't mean to kill the guy.
I was just trying to wound him.
Look at this. I mean, that's ridiculous.
Don't you think that's ridiculous?
I was worried.
That I wasn't being killed. Not
this time. Thanks. So, who is he?
His name is Levante.
He was one of Costillion's servants.
I first saw him in London
about four years ago.
So, he had his own sister killed
and let you live. Why is that?
I owe him so much money.
You'll say anything.
You really know how to lie
with a straight face.
It amazes me.
Mr. Hamberger, there's an
important phone call for you.
I'd follow you anywhere.
How'd you know my name?
Girl on the phone said
you probably shot someone.
Hello, Rina?
Someone's watching the apartment
your friend Gloria was holed up in.
Around her street.
I hope you got a plan
because I'm really scared,
And I don't want to
go back to my place.
What should we do?
Rina, don't panic.
Take her to Shea Stadium.
Drop her off at the picnic gate.
I'll have Carmine meet her.
Shea Stadium?
Carmine can't even get
you good seats. - Rina...
Okay, we're on
our way. - Rina...
But I'm telling you that this
time we're in over our heads.
Listen to me.
How come I love you
more every minute?
So, Mr. Hamberger is in love?
What about it?
Oh, you're in big trouble now.
You're suddenly very
vulnerable. - So I am.
But your friend, Costillion, is worse off.
He's nearly dead.
I love fashion shows.
Hey, come back here.
You have to wait for the police.
Jeez.
Hi, you must be Gloria,
right? I'm Carmine.
Gloria Reid.
You know, I started as a ticket taker.
Twenty years later, I'm head of
security. Here, let me get this.
Hamberger never calls
unless it's important...
or he needs tickets.
But he did call,
and what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna
baby-sit for him till he gets here.
Look at this place.
Is this incredible?
Shea Stadium, home of
the New York Mets.
I spent half of my life
working in this ballpark.
And what a beautiful park, huh?
I'm a lucky man.
Here, watch your step.
Have a seat here.
- Okay.
How's about a
little coffee? Good.
That'll be great.
- Like I said,
you know, Ham doesn't usually call me
unless it's for tickets.
Otherwise, I don't hear from him.
I don't know much about baseball.
Really? Casey Stengel?
Duke Snider?
Marvelous Marv Throneberry?
- Sorry.
Willie Mays?
- Mm-mm.
Where have you been, on Pluto?
If you're in any kind of trouble,
don't worry, Ham will take care of it.
Carmine!
Carmine!
- That's him now.
Behind you!
Ham, we're here!
Hey, ashole!
Over here.
Who's your friend, Gloria?
Let go of the lady.
Shut up!
Just take it easy.
We'll work something out.
Just move the gun
away from the lady's head.
Shut up!
Okay, now let's talk.
Or do you want me to dump
this refuse over the edge?
Take it easy.
- Throw your gun away!
Okay. Just take it easy.
I'm putting my gun down.
Gloria, you really do talk too much.
I should have cut
your fucking tongue out!
Look, we're gonna work this out.
Just take it easy.
You don't have to die.
Neither does she.
She'll be my hostage
until I leave the country.
Mr. Hamberger can take care
of the police until then.
That's the deal.
- Hamberger makes his own deal.
He has a high regard for you.
I mean nothing to him.
He can still have Jane Mallory
and Burton and all the others.
All but me.
Costillion!
You're out.
I got Costillion.
Somehow the face was different.
But the voice,
I should have recognized the voice.
That's what confused me.
But, here we are and now,
there's only one lose end to take care of.
Couple of the year,
you and Alex Burton.
Whatever face you
wear, you're beautiful.
Oh, it's gotten me out
of a lot of trouble.
'Course, it's gotten me into
a little trouble, too.
But then, you know about that.
- Meaning Alex Burton?
He came to castigate me
for giving drugs to his wife.
And he took one look at
you and changed his mind.
He loves me more than he's
ever loved any woman in his life.
I can understand that.
So, you became partners.
Well, it was the new
international commodity.
Better than gold or silver.
Better than diamonds.
After all, De Beers controls
the diamond market.
They get to dictate the price.
That's what Alex
wanted to do with heroin.
There was one flaw
in his master plan,
his wife.
Yes. Well, she did find out
about our little enterprise.
I mean, he offered
to pay her off, but...
God, she is so
destructive bitch.
Please, the lady's dead.
You're being unsympathetic, darling.
I had nothing to
do with how she died.
Oh, come now. Innocent?
Didn't you have the notion of hiring
some kill-crazy fellow
everybody had it in for,
somebody you could count
on to do the foolish thing?
The noble thing.
Oh, yes, how noble I was.
I slept with the lady,
I warned her, but she turned out
to be the wrong lady.
Was she already dead and hidden
somewhere in the
house when I got there?
Burton couldn't have done it.
He was busy fixing himself
an air-tight alibi in Chicago.
Burton isn't running
the operation anyway.
He's just the front. It's you.
You're getting nowhere, Hamberger.
I'll bet you some
money you're wrong.
All bets are off, Hamberger. Ah.
Nice to see you.
You had to muddy up the waters
a little bit, didn't you?
Create a substitute in a story
that I would tell and
nobody would believe.
Time marches on.
Did he tell you
about the strange coincidence?
When they took his wife's
body to the autopsy,
they found she'd
had sexual relations.
The very night she died, she was
with a man. - Shut up, Hamberger.
And now that I think about it,
I wonder who that man was.
You, son of the bitch. - Don't tell
me you consider him uman being.
After all, he set me up kill his
wife, and he is safe in Chicago.
I think... is a nice man.
You scruin her, and she
scruin me. - Shut up!
Where do we go from here?
How about Rio?
What makes you
think I can be bought?
Who's talking about buying you?
I just want to rent
you for a few years.
Sorry, Miss Mallory,
I'm not for rent, either.
Living with you could be dangerous.
You might kill me
if I got a headache.
Oh, now, that's very doubtful.
Come on, Hamberger, why don't
you stop chasing ambulances.
Wise up for once in your life.
You know, we could have it all.
You make it real hard.
Hard? Honey, I make it real easy.
Rina. Rina Hamberger?
Where have you been? And don't go
telling me any of your nonsense, either.
Come and get me. - I've spent
half my life waiting for you to call
and I'm tired of sitting here
cooking for no reason.
From now on, if you're
not gonna show up,
don't bother ever
showing up ever again.
I never did like
two-faced women.
It's amazing how greed
and growing old make
people act strange.
At least, those are two things
I'll never have to worry about.
By the way,
what the hell was in
those green bottles?
# Deadly eyes zero in
# Doin' strange things to me
# If eyes meet eyes I gotta hide
# Else they'll see
right through me
# Suddenly illusions are real
# There's no need to fear me
# Reality seems to be
# Better 'cause you're near me
# Oh
# Ooh
# Ohhhhh
# Illusions are real,
illusions are real
# Illusions are real
illusions are real
# Deadly games played to win
# Nothin' worse than losin'
# When you win
the world's your friend
# Lady Luck, she's two cents
# Suddenly illusions are real
# There's no need to fear me
# Reality seems to be
# Better 'cause you're near me
# Illusions are real
# Oh
# Illusions are real
# Yeah
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real
doesn't mean you can't shoot straight.
Nobody implied that, sir.
I have a right to equal protection.
And I don't want to hear any bulshit!
Or you will see pickets around this
office up to your male chauvinist ass.
Why does everybody have to use
such bad language around here.
I haven't got any fucking idea.
Well, Mr. Hamberger,
back again, it seems.
Your file was transferred to the
Deputy Commissioner's office.
And then the Assistant District Attorney
sent a note down to the licensing office.
I'm flattered. All those
top dogs troubling themselves?
Well, you shot several people,
Mr. Hamberger. -Only three.
I can't go outside my
house without my gun.
I'll be a dead man. Please
check it one more time. Yeah.
So, I was thinking a .38-caliber
Smith and Wesson snub nose.
The really cute one?
That'll let them know that
I want to be taken seriously.
I'll tell you. I'm not
getting ripped off again.
If one of those
muggers comes up to me,
I'm gonna blow his
fucking head off.
Okay, what do you say? Huh?
What do you mean
it's not approved?
You got to approve
this goddamn license!
Or else I'll blow
your brains out!
Drop the gun and
slide it over here,
or I'll blow her fucking
brains out. Now do it!
Back up, everybody. Somebody's
gotta pay for it. You're gonna die!
Application approved.
Don't move, sucker!
Spread your legs, baby.
Damn it. That's four, I'm sorry.
Forget it.
Can I move now?
-Yeah.
I need a drink.
I've already done enough
for you for one day.
My name is Hamberger.
Please, no jokes about the name.
On January 1st, the population
of New York was 7,161,400.
But I can't figure out is, how
come half this town knows my face?
# Deadly eyes zero in
# Doing strange things to me
# If eyes meet eyes I gotta hide
# Else they'll see
right through me
# Suddenly Illusions are real
# There's no need to fear me
# Reality seems to be
# Better 'cause you're near me
# Illusions are real
# Oh
# Illusions are real
# Yeah
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real
Have you come up
with any more evidence?
Well, we're right on the brink
of something, I can feel it now.
Actual proof?
You just leave it to us.
Well, it's been such a long road.
Oh, I nearly forgot, Mr. Hamberger,
nearly forgot to pay you.
Thank you.
Rina, why don't you make
out a receipt for Mrs. Bains.
I don't know what
I'd do without you two.
You're the only people
who listen and understand.
Here you go.
The turkey was very tasty.
Can I give you a ride home now?
My taxi is right outside.
Oh, no, no, thank you.
My doctor says I should walk.
Here, let me help you.
It's all right, dear. I can
make it under my own steam.
Well, Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
Be careful.
That $5 does more good for her
than all the doctor bills in the world.
Ah, Jesus, she ate for $6.95.
I'll do something big
for her next week.
You know, one day you're gonna fly
down to Dallas and really solve it for her.
Belated Merry Christmas.
Well, this must be Mr. Burton.
You're right on time.
Uh, if you don't mind, uh,
what I'd like to talk
about is confidential.
Rina and I don't
have any secrets.
Well, let's make
the gentleman comfortable.
I'll go for the Haagen-Dazs.
He adores Haagen-Dazs.
Vanilla Swiss Almond.
And don't let it melt.
Oh, gosh.
That's the trouble with her.
Around her everything
melts. Everything.
You, uh, you come to
me highly recommended,
but what kind of a place
is this to do business in?
I'm an unemployed person.
I hang out in
delicatessens all day
and hope that
work will turn up.
You mean you're a
detective without a license.
Got a lot of trouble with licenses.
That's why I don't own a car or a dog.
Very well, let me
get to the point.
The thing is, you see, uh,
I'd like to get my wife murdered
and I thought maybe you
could do something about it.
Could you be a little
more direct? - Mm-hm.
I don't care how you do it.
A gun, your hands,
a pillow perhaps.
What makes you think
I'm in that line?
You're involved in so many
circumstances where people die violently.
It's accidental. I try to wound
people, but I got a lousy aim.
Oh, I know you've never
been indicted for anything.
What's the problem?
Now let's go to my office.
We're talking about a...
- Uh, Charlie, come here.
Give the ears a
rest. - Thank you.
Excuse me.
It's a matter of
some $100,000 in cash.
Now, if you can't do it yourself,
surely you can find me
someone who can.
Act as your middle man,
keep you insulated?
I wouldn't know where to look.
I'm sure you're well connected.
Did you just say $100,000?
Thought that's what you said.
That's a lot of cash.
Can you tell me some nasty
things about your wife?
Things that might make it easier.
What can I say about her...
Sharon is really, actually,
a very pleasant person.
Very active in charities.
The problem is, she knows
too much about my business.
Things that could ruin
me with my partners,
not to mention the tax people.
And you know how the nice ones
can get when they've been crossed.
Yeah, I've run across
a few nice ones in my time.
Do you have a photograph of
Sharon in your billfold? - Certainly.
Here's the photograph.
I prepared an itinerary
of her daily activities.
A plan and keys to our
New York apartment.
A map and keys to our
weekend place on the Island.
I, uh, I trust you know
how to dispose of these
when you finish with them?
Thanks for the confidence.
Shall we say, uh,
$25,000 in cash now
and the balance upon
execution of our agreement?
I would hate to take your money
if I'm not able to go through with it.
Bad for my conscience.
Conscience?
All right, I'm squeamish.
I don't like the sight
of dead bodies.
Then why do you
make so many?
I'm off to Chicago.
I should be back for our annual
New Year's bash next Tuesday.
It'd be nice if I didn't have
a date for that party.
Make me a widower,
Mr. Hamberger.
I thought this Christmas
season was gonna be,
you know, the kind
you see in the movies.
Me and Rina in front
of a warm fire...
Well, you know the rest.
Instead, here I am driving
50 miles out in the suburbs
because some guy offers
me 100 grand to kill his wife.
I wanna meet the woman
that's worth $100,000.
After all, I did take
the down payment.
DENNY ENTERPRISE
30 ROCKFELLER CENTER ROOM 404
N. Y. , N. Y. 10020
This refrigerator is larger
than my apartment.
You've got a great body,
but that gun is distracting.
I don't even know if
this thing is loaded.
I just pulled it out from under
the bed where my husband keeps it.
Wouldn't it be embarrassing
if I pulled this trigger
and nothing happened?
Wouldn't it be more
embarrassing if something did?
So, what were
you going to steal?
The jewelry,
my stereo? - No.
I didn't hear any
glass breaking.
Well, I had a key.
Several keys.
And to your place
in the city, too.
You might say I work
for your husband.
What, you work
for Alex? - Mm-hm.
You just came out here
to pick something up?
No, to put something away. You.
Do you mind if I sit down?
I'd really rather you didn't.
It's easier to hit a standing
target. - I don't think so.
He gave me your picture.
Which pocket?
This pocket.
Not bad.
This is terrible.
Alex took this one himself.
Yeah, he takes his own pictures,
but doesn't do his own murders.
And if you're so outraged,
then why did you take this job?
Well, if I had turned him down,
then he would've looked elsewhere
and found somebody else.
And then one day,
I'd see another picture of you
splashed across the centerfold
of the Daily News
and it would ruin my morning.
Aw, and now you can wake up
to a whole series
of unending guiltless mornings,
right, Mr. uh...
Hamberger. And please,
don't make fun of my name.
So, this thing was unloaded?
You'll never know.
There's, uh, more
chicken in the refrigerator.
Yes, I saw.
Now, hold on now,
I don't want a falling-down
drunk on my hands.
This one's for you.
Thank you.
Besides, I might fall in your direction.
Would you catch me?
So tell me, how are
you planning to do it?
With your big strong hands?
And you have large
glatt instrument.
I like to improvise.
Oh, good. So do I.
I'm sure you can make it, uh,
quick and painless.
That's more than life can be.
God, I had no idea you
criminals led such exciting lives.
I'm not a criminal exactly.
What, an outlaw, then?
You like that better? - Mm.
Hm? Mm-hm.
So, maybe you'd do
me a little favor. - What?
Maybe you could do
a little job on my husband.
All right, I'm sorry I asked.
That wouldn't be ethical.
I mean, after all, he asked me first.
Boy, is he gonna be surprised
when he comes home
and finds me playing hostess
at his little New Year's bash.
Get on a plane, get out of town.
I'd forget about the festivities
if I were you.
You like me, Hamburger.
Like yourself.
Came to me and...
Ham, you ware great.
I took your advice and split.
Love, Sharon.
That's the easiest $25,000 I ever made.
Now all I got to do is come up
with a story for her husband.
Ham, what are you doing
out here in the suburbs?
Keep the change.
- Thanks.
My man, Ham!
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, okay.
Maybe she'll buy this.
Rina, I had to spend the night
with Mrs. Burton
because her plane didn't leave
until this morning.
Out of the way, bozo!
Well, here goes nothing.
I scared you.
You always scare me.
But in that dress you terrify me.
Thank you. You like it? Mm-hm.
What every New York
cabbie should wear.
It should increase your tips.
Hey, what's wrong?
- Nothing.
You're lying. - No, I'm not
lying. What am I lying about?
You're lying.
I'm not lying about...
I didn't even say anything.
What do you mean I'm lying?
- 'Cause I can tell.
I mean, aren't you gonna...
You're gonna catch cold in that dress.
No, I'm not.
It has gloves to go with it.
Oh, good, great, let's...
Can we see the gloves?
Come on, I'll show you.
I'm gonna put 'em on
so I don't hurt my
knuckles when I hit you.
Beat you to a pulp.
What are you gonna hit me for?
I didn't do anything.
Yeah. What did I do?
I'm gonna feel pretty
shabby next to you.
Yeah? So I rented you a tux.
What, just sit around
the apartment then?
I like us to be alone.
This way I got you all to myself.
Let-Let me put
some of this stuff up for you.
As I was going up Pippen
Hill Pippen Hill was dirty.
There I met a pretty Miss
And she dropped me a curtsy
Little Miss, pretty Miss,
All blessings light upon you
If I had half-a-crown a day,
I'd gladly spend it on you.
Bullshit.
So, how's the young
lady out on Long Island?
Not so young, but a nice woman.
Yeah? - Should I put
this up? - How nice.
Yeah. I can't lie to you, Rina,
because you'd know.
I didn't kill her.
And I didn't sleep with her either.
You didn't, huh?
It was a pretty big shock
when she found out
her husband wanted
to have her iced, hm?
Bet she cried all over
your little shoulder now, didn't she?
Ooh, I bet you made her feel
just like a woman again, right?
I talked to her.
Ooh, I bet you told her all about me.
I told her all about your
cab and everything, okay?
Yeah, right.
Put it on.
Oh, please.
You better put it on quick.
You know I'd never
shoot you in a rented tux.
I'll be doggone. Look
at that. - Mm, mm, mm.
$25,000. I thought I hid this from you.
Not too good. Took me
about four minutes to find it.
You just walked into my apartment
and just ransacked the damn place.
I didn't have to ransack nothing.
I'm gonna have to
get myself a vicious dog
to keep you off
my property. - Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Mm-hm.
Yeah, and he'll learn to love me, too.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
Hey, I love you.
Madly.
- Mm-hm?
Yeah. Yeah, sure you do.
Better hold onto
this before I lose it.
I'll certainly do that.
- Yeah.
Oh, hello, Paul.
Enjoying the scenery?
Maybe if he wasn't
here, it'd be better.
Well, season's greetings, Lieutenant.
What do you got
to be so jolly about?
I'm glad you came by.
Rina and I picked out for you for Christmas
a year's supply of...Odor-Eaters.
What, is that a joke?
It's very funny.
You're a regular comedian.
I got one for you, funny man.
You know a lady
named Mrs. Alex Burton?
Does she say I know her?
- Well, she doesn't say anything.
You see, they found her dead
in her house out in the Hamptons
and your fingerprints
are all over the fucking place.
Including the bedroom.
Oh, now you're painting me
a pretty picture here.
How did she die?
Well, she was shot at close range.
Now, you wanna deny you were there?
- I put her on a plane.
She must have come back.
- You put her on a plane?
Yeah. - Hey, you.
I said, hey, you.
Wait a minute, now...
- Whoa!
You're really something.
You've ruined my
entire New Year's Eve here.
Wait a minute! - I used to believe
that stuff that you handed out.
Rina, let me explain it to you.
But he's smarter than me.
Well, wait a second.
Maybe she finally does understand.
Why don't you...
- Hey, you!
I sure as hell do understand!
I got you all figured out now.
I... I...
You were with her. You were with her.
All right, come on. I'm taking you...
Wait a second!
All right. Hey, listen. Maybe you
could beat a confession out of him.
Listen, you.
- I'm not allowed to.
I've already had enough of you.
Wait a minute-
Shut up!
You've loused up my entire life. Damn it.
Wait a minute, let
me explain. - Explain?
You got the right to
remain silent, ashole.
Oh, ya, come on. Explain.
- Let me explain it to you.
Come on. I felt sorry for her, so I...
Sorry? Sorry for her.
Shut up! - Yeah. I...
Okay! Wait a second,
I got a few presents for you, buddy.
It's over. You want to
take a few things with you?
Here. Could you hold this, please?
- Absolutely. - I don't wanna...
That's right.
Here, take your coat, too. Yeah.
Take everything!
Take your light!
And get out. Okay?
It's over. You understand? It's over.
That's right. It's over between
you and I. Get out!
Take this too! Shut up!
Here's something else.
You're a real humanit...
He's a real humanitarian
when it comes to women.
Aren't you? Oh, yeah.
Okay. You can have him now.
Thank you.
Son of a bitch. Damn it!
He never ever listens.
Damn it.
Excuse me.
May I see your invitation, please?
I work for Alex Burton.
Hey, what's the matter?
Are you afraid you're
gonna miss the New Year?
I'm ending it right.
Oh, my goodness!
Move it, move it!
We all saw it. We're all witnesses.
The man attacked you.
Well, just remember that
when the police arrive,
that your guest of honor was misbehaving.
Guest of honor?
I thought this was Alex Burton's party.
It is. All the more pity
he could not attend.
It seems his plane is grounded
in Chicago because of a blizzard.
But, uh, such is fate.
That definitely wasn't Alex Burton
that just took that dive?
Then who the hell was he?
I have no idea.
Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
Well, well, look who's back.
Hey. You giving up your
whole New Year's on my account.
Well, the year started
off pretty amazing.
I understand a guy went through
a window on the Times Square tonight.
Yeah, I got a great view of it.
I heard.
- You did?
Now just relax.
I'm gonna take your piece off you.
I am relaxed.
You're the one who's not relaxed.
What'd you do with
Rina? Lock her up?
Come on, you know
better than that.
You know what's really amazing?
You abuse this kid,
and she still sticks with you.
I don't understand.
She only cares what I
do when we're together
and we do just great,
thank you very much.
You know, we know
each other a long time.
Yeah, that's true.
You're making me look bad.
Now I want all of it.
The guy said he was Burton.
He laid 25 grand on me to kill his wife.
I kept it and warned
her. That's all.
Well, where's the money?
Rina's got it.
You stupid bastard.
You're making her an accessory.
Let's go.
Come on. Get in the car.
I never knew how strongly
you felt about her.
Come on. In the car.
I'm awfully glad you got
that out of your system.
So am I. I feel
better now. - I don't.
Go ahead, take a walk!
Why don't we take a
look at the lady's body?
Medical Examiner's got it.
Well, I could use a
doctor right about now.
Look, Rina's gonna ask you
who did this to you.
I'll tell her I got mugged.
You can take
these cuffs off now.
I'll take the cuffs off
when we get to Bellevue.
You've been beating me
since we were 12 years old.
When do I get to win one?
Never.
Better take these cuffs off me. before
I make a citizen's complaint about you.
Turn around.
How's your wrist?
Here. - What do you mean how's
my wrist? It hurts.
Wipe your lip.
Keep walkin'.
What did I tell you?
Isn't that something?
What a waste.
This isn't the Mrs. Burton I saw.
It's fraud.
- This is a much junger women.
This woman just had intercourse
shortly before she died.
Oh, not with me, not this one.
Has anybody else
made an identification, Al?
Sure. The mother, the brother,
they both were here.
That's Sharon Burton all right.
Yeah, what about the husband?
- That's him, that's Burton.
What? Not even close.
Who are you guys? What right do you have
to be in here looking at her like this?
You're a very devoted husband, Mr. Burton.
Who is he?
Lieutenant Lefferts.
This man claims that
someone pretending to be you
approached him and offered
him money to murder your wife.
What are you saying?
This isn't a burglary?
About your height.
A little thinner.
Steel grey hair.
You'll find a version of him
on that cold slab over there.
Why would someone put a contract
out on your wife, Mr. Burton?
This man took
money to kill Sharon?
I'm gonna hurt him bad.
- Hey, you lay off!
Wexler, it's all right.
Just wait out by the car.
Next time I'll hit him harder.
Go ahead.
Wexler was very
devoted to Mrs. Burton.
I understand.
Everibudy is kicking
my ass today.
What, are you going to arrest him,
or charge him, or what?
Well, we want to take our
time on this, Mr. Burton.
We want a conviction.
Not some mess that goes to the
Court of Appeals and gets reversed on us.
I've already been
brutalized twice today,
so I think you're gonna be
a little out of luck on that account.
This man bleeds.
What do you know?
I'd like to have one more time
alone with my wife, please.
Come on, Hamberger, let's go.
DA wants to see you.
Come on.
I said alone.
This guy Burton was pretty torn up.
And I guess it doesn't matter
how much money you got.
Yeah, Wexler's pretty
upset, too. - Right.
You're really gonna
book me, aren't you?
The Assistant DA wants
a shot at you first.
Let's go.
This is really great. I get pulled out
of my own New Year's party
at 4:30 a.m. to have
a conference with you two.
Alex Burton is a major
figure on Wall Street
and a big contributor
to the mayor's campaign fund.
Now that puts a lot of
pressure on our office
to charge somebody
with his wife's murder.
Him, for example?
- He'll do.
Hey, wait a minute, I didn't murder her.
Shut up. I'll handle this.
Oh, you'll handle this?
You were obviously
too busy to see
the late news tonight.
You made television history.
A man flew out of
a 20th-floor window
and landed in the middle
of Times Square at midnight.
Look, I can explain what happened.
I'm giving you till 10:00 p.m.
on Friday night to apprehend the killer.
And it had better stick.
Happy New Year.
On national television?
Oh, I swear to God,
I don't know what's happening.
Somebody is setting me up.
But I'm gonna find out
what's going on.
Ham, you got till
10:00 Friday night.
That's all I can give you.
Rina!
Rina!
Jeez, I'm hung over
and I'm not even drunk.
Rina!
New Year's Eve,
and nobody shows up
at my party, man. Rina!
Happy New Year, baby!
Rina!
# Should old acquaintance Be forgot
Rina!
Happy New Year, neighbor.
Rina?
Don't die on me, Rina.
Don't move.
On your knees.
- Yes, ma'am.
So, now that you've ruined
my New Year's for the third year in a row,
what you got to
say for yourself, buddy?
Grounds for justifiable
homicide. - Hm.
I thought you were gonna shoot me.
Well, I would have.
But I didn't want them to shoot you first.
Oh, that's...
That's thoughtful of you, dear.
Happy New Year, darling.
I see Paul finally got to you.
He was pretty mad at me, you know.
I told him he could spank me.
And? - He said he'd save
the spanking for you.
He did, huh?
- Mm-hm.
So who screwed up the wall?
Over there.
I figure it's gotta be
somebody looking for you.
I would've went after him,
but as you can see I'm butt naked.
Well, then you better get down
before somebody shoots you.
They were after you.
You're the only witness
to Mr. Burton's proposition.
Only, Mr. Burton wasn't Mr. Burton
and Mrs. Burton wasn't Mrs. Burton.
Does that mean
we don't get to keep the cash?
Oh, you beautiful...
mercenary creature, you.
Yes, we get to keep the cash,
provided we come up with a murderer
by Friday, 10:00 p.m.
Ooh, that means we got lots
of time, right? Come here.
Now you can go over
to Sharon Burton's apartment
and talk to the doorman,
the delivery boy, the janitor. Huh?
Wait a second. How come I have
to talk to the delivery boys
and the janitors
and you get to talk
with the limousine drivers
and the call girls
and all the fun stuff?
You wanna to make love me.
The delivery boys love you, baby.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna make them love me.
Hey, check it out now. AC's the name
and Three-Card Monte's the game.
We're gonna play it one time.
Now, red card is a winner,
black card is a loser, understand?
Reds move ahead.
Black, you stay back, you got it?
I got it.
- Good. AC.
Which one you want, man,
which one you want? That one.
You sure? You sure you got the money
to pay for it? That one.
You sure? You sure you got the money...
That one.
Hey, no problem, you won, brother.
Check it out.
Pay the man. Check it out.
Hey, look, man,
today must be your lucky day.
Check it out, man.
Red card, red card.
Honey, okay, so we're gonna go
to the apartment, right?
Then we're gonna...
- Whoa. Whoa. H-H-Hold it.
I ain't got time for that right now.
What do you mean
you ain't got time for that?
Here, take this cash,
get yourself something, buy something.
Go on. Come on, beat it,
I'll see you later.
Hey, what do you say, Willy?
Boy, you're looking good.
Hamberger. In person.
You're not looking
that bad yourself today.
Thank you very much.
You enjoying la dolce vita?
La dolce what?
- Good life, Willy, the good life.
Come on, let's take a walk down the, uh,
boulevard here.
Sure. What's on your mind?
Well, Willy,
a woman got murdered out
on Long Island a few days ago.
Mrs. Alex Burton.
She was an addict.
You supply her...
- Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute, man.
Don't try to put that on
me, man. Who says so?
I say so. Hey, what do you say, Willy?
Wait a minute, man. I do not discuss
my clients' business, all right?
Well...
I'm gonna tell you why
you're gonna help me out.
It's nice to lend a
hand to an old friend.
Friend?
Let me tell you something.
I don't think you have any friends.
Now, you're hurting
my feelings, Willy.
I don't care about me
hurting your feelings, man.
Hey! Hey!
Now, how would
a woman like that
come in contact
with scum like you?
Who?! Jane Mallory.
She has got that
modeling agency, man.
She got a whole lot of people
into drugs, man.
Her girls bring that
top-grade stuff in from Europe.
All right?
All right.
You know what, man?
People are right about you!
You're nuts!
Hi, Mallory Agency.
Yes. No, we have
general interviews... - Hi.
...from 1:00 to 5:00 on Wednesdays.
Just bring your book by.
Thanks, Bye-bye.
Hi, may I help you?
That depends on you.
Really? Well, then you're
gonna have a terrific day.
You can start by getting me
in to see Miss Mallory.
Oh, is that all?
- Will that be difficult?
Great name.
Thanks.
Hi. There's a Mr. Hamberger
here to see Miss Jane Mallory.
Uh, no, he does not
have an appointment.
Okay. Thanks. Bye-bye.
I'm gonna need that back.
It's the only one I've got.
Thanks.
Do you supply the models for
the TV commercials for the Burton file?
Yep. We do all their
print and TV spots.
Then Alex Burton's been
up here? Personally?
Excuse me.
Yes?
Okay, great.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
Why don't you
ask Miss Mallory that?
As a matter of fact, she's been expecting
you and she is right down the hall.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
You're kinda cute.
- Oh, thanks.
So are you.
Excuse me. Thanks again.
Mallory Agency.
Mr. Hamberger, come in.
Nice to meet you.
Hello. How are you?
Fine. What can I do for you?
You know, you have
a very rugged face.
Has anyone ever told you
you ought to try modeling?
I thought you had to be
good-looking to be a model.
Well, it doesn't hurt.
But, on the other hand,
every once in a while I have a client
who's looking for a particular
face for a particular product.
Right now there's an aftershave lotion
that you would be just perfect for.
Well, I'm sorry.
I-I don't like to have my picture taken.
You never know
what someone's gonna do with it.
Are you trying to put
me at a disadvantage?
Do you always
do that to women?
You know, I always think
of you as that little girl.
What were you, five years old
when you started modeling?
Six. Sweet of you to remember.
The most photographed
face in the world.
Who'd ever thought
she'd grow up to be a pusher?
A what?
You've been a naughty girl,
supplying no-no's to your friends.
But, when a chum gets murdered,
then it becomes serious.
Or shall I say customer?
Now, you know that
that is a ridiculous accusation
and you also know
I could sue you for it.
Well, the beauty of my position
is that I don't have very much.
Two suits, an apartment I owe rent on,
no stocks or bonds, no boat.
So, you see, lady,
I'm invulnerable.
Yes, so I've heard.
I just like to make people squirm.
I particularly like
the way you squirm.
You started out accommodating
friends and clients.
Now, it's big business, isn't it?
Mr. Hamberger, I don't know
what the hell you're talking about.
Maybe I should just
talk to the police.
Maybe we could, uh,
chat over cocktails?
You did say you
have another suit.
Oh, yes. I... My,
uh, my good suit.
Great. Why don't you
go put that one on
and meet me at
4:30 at 1 Main Street?
4:30 at 1 Main Street.
One. Right.
Okay.
How do you stay so trim?
Hypertension.
I'll do my best to
try to add to that.
Don't worry, you're doing great.
So, you heard?
Now, 4:45 sharp
I'm going to excuse myself
to go to the ladies' room.
You take care of the rest.
Don't I always?
But this one, I think
I'm going to enjoy.
You can't kid me.
You enjoy them all.
Miss Gloria Reid?
Yeah. Who are you?
My name is Hamberger.
Oh, you don't have to be afraid.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
I'm just looking
for some information.
I got your name out of this
book, this little address book.
It was one of those
names crossed out in red.
Do you know a Jane Mallory?
Yeah. Sure I do.
I used to work for her.
I could pick the lock
for you, if you'd like.
I've already been inside.
You wanna go in?
Come on, I-I put up a pot of coffee.
It's necessary that I talk to you.
Come on.
All right.
You shouldn't smoke.
It's bad for you.
Turn around for a minute.
Let me see your face.
You curious?
Wanna see it up close?
Beautiful, isn't it?
- What happened?
I was in a car accident.
I went through the windshield.
You didn't go through a windshield.
Why does it concern you?
Why does it interest you?
I've known men like you.
Men who kinda like it.
Very sick men.
What do you mean...
What sick men?
Sometimes I wish they'd
done the whole job.
You really did make coffee.
Yeah. And I'll go get it.
You just hang in here for a minute.
All right, here we
are. Cafe for two.
For you.
For me.
You have a sweet tooth.
We all have our weaknesses.
Let me see your arm.
I've been clean
about six months.
I can't afford it.
If I had the money,
I would be right back to it.
Well, here's to
your staying broke.
Who are you?
Tell me about the people
who cut your face up
and who's behind it.
Look.
There are quite a few names,
besides yours, crossed
out in red. See?
I think some of these women
might welcome some help.
What's this all about?
All right.
You wanna know, I'll tell you.
I was modeling for Jane Mallory.
She sent us on a number of trips
to the Cypress and Middle East...
and I found out that some of
the girls were bringing back stuff.
And I taught, it
must be ok,
I mean we are top model, making
200.000 - 300000 $ on year
The tax is gettin
shit of that
so I quess that make
me to breaking the low.
I think you're in
some kind of danger.
Something really crazy is going on
and I don't know what it is.
But this was years ago.
I want you to leave
this apartment for a while.
Is there any place
where you can go?
Yeah. My friend Caroline's
in France for a month.
I... I have her keys.
I water her plants.
I could go there.
Go there. Stay in.
Order out.
I'm gonna give you my card
and I want you to contact me
as soon as you're situated.
Now don't lose it.
It's the only one I've got.
Every time I get in trouble,
there's a beautiful woman involved.
Why is it this one scares me?
I'm meeting the famous Miss Mallory.
I'm afraid I can't seat
you without a necktie.
But in Miss Mallory's case,
we might make an exception
if you will simply button
the top button of your shirt.
How do I look?
- Slightly blue.
I took the liberty
of ordering the wine.
How come you don't have
to keep your collar buttoned?
I'm a girl, didn't you notice?
It seems you have difficulty
hanging on to your models.
There's been a hell
of a turnover lately.
Yes. Well, you know how
beautiful women are... fickle.
They, uh, fall in love,
go off and get married and so on.
Some of them die.
Mainly suicides.
I suppose it's difficult
for someone to understand
why a beautiful woman
would want to take her own life.
But often, they don't see
themselves as beautiful.
Like, sometimes they just see themselves
as objects that people want and desire.
Yes, that could be frustrating.
Yes. Well, I'm sure you've
known your share
of beautiful women, Mr. Hamberger.
Were they happy?
Usually not.
But I did my best
to cheer them up.
It didn't work out too good.
Excuse me, sir.
That little old button.
I hope the food is good.
Oh, it is.
And the view is spectacular,
don't you think?
I can't tell.
I'm about to
black out. Excuse me.
Waiter. Waiter, what is this?
I hope you're not gonna
catch cold and die on me.
Now,
tell me about
the girls that didn't die.
Beautiful girls, partially disfigured
and ashamed ever to be seen
or photographed again.
You've seen what
happened to those girls?
One of them. Like Gloria Reid.
You remember her.
Well, then you know that people
like that can't be stopped.
I might stop some of them.
There's a gentleman
who takes a psychopathic pleasure
in altering ladies' faces for them.
Their own personal
plastic surgeon, huh?
I'd like to meet him sometime
and discuss his bedside manner.
Would you excuse
me just a moment?
Now, wait a minute.
This is getting interesting.
Oh, I'll just be a minute.
But first, tell me about Alex Burton
and how he fits into this scheme.
Alex's wife was an addict.
He found out I was supplying
her and came to me all in a rage
and then, instead
we became friends.
I introduced him to my contact
in Marseilles, we became partners.
Now is that enough for you
to digest for the moment?
May I please go
powder my nose?
Where are you rushing?
You must have told
somebody about our date.
My secretary made the reservations.
It certainly wouldn't have
been very hard to find out.
Lady, in another minute you
would have been in the ladies' room.
No place safer
than the ladies' room.
Well, it's a hell of a lot safer than
hanging out with you, Mr. Hamberger.
Well, this is the address
on the bottle.
Denny Enterprises,
30 Rockefeller Center, room 404.
I wonder how Clyde
Denny is tied into this.
Anybody here?
Ever get a funny
feeling, hotdog?
Too often around you.
- Just stop.
Looks like they didn't lock up
too good, huh?
Wow, check out this place.
Those kind of pictures always
gave me bad dreams. - Not me.
I kinda like being
scared in the dark.
Check this out.
That's what you're gonna look
like when you're about 60.
Well, how about this?
That's what you're
looking like right now.
You know who this is?
This is Jane Mallory. - Yeah.
One of the most photographed
models in the world.
I've seen her on all
the covers of the magazines.
You keep up with
that stuff, don't you?
Here, cover me.
Clyde Denny?
Either his most convincing
special effect or he's dead.
I bet on dead.
He used to be
famous, too, didn't he?
Yeah, he spent a lot of his
spare time developing prosthetics
for our disfigured war vets.
Well, so much for
Clyde Denny. Nothing.
Let's take a look
around down there.
Looky, looky.
Hey, look up there.
Hold it! Hey, hold it!
Fuck!
Look out! Move!
Hamberger!
Let go of me. Come on.
Let go of me!
No! He didn't do anything!
Let go of me!
Okay, let's go.
Get your hands off of her!
Get your hands off of her!
You get away from her!
Hamberger, what are you doing?
Let me explain! Get your hands off me!
What are you doing in this city, huh?
I mean, what,
you hate holidays or something?
He was chasing after the man
that murdered Clyde Denny,
up there, fourth floor, shot!
You're supposed to find the killer.
Not cause more murders.
Look, the guy you want
is some kind of an acrobatic,
some kind of a circus performer
who's still ahead. Not me.
I'm still trying to clean the mess up
downtown from the helicopter.
Quit blaming him for everything, okay?
Take the cuffs off of him. Yes, sir.
Take the stuff out of your hair.
And get out of here
before the media shows up.
I'll see you Friday at 10:00 p.m.
with Burton's killer.
You better be there.
- Okay.
Well, with this guy loose,
gonna have to raise taxes.
Merry Christmas.
Let's go. There's another stiff
on the fourth floor.
Drop me off here.
I'm gonna have a talk with Burton.
I only have one witness.
Her name is Gloria Reid.
Oh, great. Another beautiful model.
Somebody cut up her face.
And you're the father figure.
I can't believe this.
Some of the stuff I put up with.
When am I gonna learn?
She's at 149, Fraser
Avenue, apartment 3.
Well, we'll just sit around
and talk about how
wonderful you are.
Watch that!
Oh, you're not serious. You're
gonna be sorry you came up here.
Oh, Wexler, I hate violence.
Going down?
Is Alex Burton here?
Excuse me?
Is Alex Burton here? It's okay.
You don't have an appointment.
You can't go in there.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
Is Alex Burton here?
- You can't go in there.
Yes, I can.
Because of the decline
in quarterly profits,
there'll be no dividend this period.
Furthermore, I...
- Excuse me.
Sir, you must be in the wrong place.
Will you check with the receptionist?
It's okay.
- What is okay?
It's all right.
I-I don't understand.
Who are you?
His name is Hamberger.
Lookit, I failed economics in high school,
but I know that gold fluctuates
and the bottom fell out
of the silver market a year ago.
But drugs, they never lose their value.
They only go up.
What're you talking about?
That a very small select segment
of American big business
has shifted to raw heroin
as a method of hedging their bets
against inflation in the currency change.
I'm gonna call security.
Security is on a coffee break.
Sit down, Petersen.
- Yes, sir.
All right, let's speculate
that certain private investors
wish to control the drug market.
Don't you think that's been
going on for some time?
Don't you think even governments
have participated?
Don't lecture me.
Just tell me who disfigures
and murders beautiful women.
We needn't tell him anything.
I don't think he's
gonna shoot anybody.
For God's sakes, tell him.
The man you want
is Ambrose Costillion.
We contact him through his sister
who is a model for the Mallory Agency.
Satisfied?
That's the name I wanted.
Just needed verification.
I'd hate to kill anybody
without verification.
On Wall Street, when
the crunch comes,
they tell me guys like you
usually jump out of windows.
Try not to fall on me.
Thanks a lot.
Cosmopolitan.
New Yorker magazine.
Mademoiselle.
Gentlemen's Quarterly.
Guns and Ammo Monthly.
May I present Miss Francette Masse.
Presenting Patty Petersen.
Pardon me, but...
aren't you Reggie Jackson,
the ball player?
No, I'm Jesse Jackson,
the Presidential candidate.
Oh, heh, right on.
Meet Mr. Jesse Jackson.
Oh, thanks. Mr. Jessie Jackson.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Cheers to you.
- Now look at Anita Paul.
Ladies. Good to see you.
What is this?
Don't eat that stuff.
It's terrible stuff.
You are so tacky.
I try.
You know you have
no business being here.
You couldn't be more wrong.
How would you like it
if I had you thrown out?
By one of them?
What are you, one of those guys
who likes to beat up on homosexuals?
I tried that once.
He was the ex-middleweight
hampion of the US Marine Corp.
I lasted five rounds.
Well, I can see that you
would be attractive to all the sexes.
And here we have Nancy Costillion.
Let's see how I appeal
to Miss Nancy Costillion.
Leave Nancy alone.
Keep this cold for me.
Ta-da.
Sorry.
Don't eat that.
Excuse me, sir. This area's
restricted. You can't go in.
That's okay.
Uh, Miss Costillion, I gotta talk to you.
I don't know you.
Sorry, I have to change.
Well, the whole operation's collapsing.
Your brother's panicky
and he's killing people.
I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.
You're a witness. Maybe
the only witness to a lot of it.
You've gotta be silenced.
Yeah, your own brother.
You know he's capable of it.
Just get out of here!
Nancy, go back to
your dressing room.
Nancy, you don't
have to be afraid!
I want to help you!
- Stop it. Leave her alone.
Nancy, get back to
your dressing room!
I don't believe this.
I didn't mean to kill the guy.
I was just trying to wound him.
Look at this. I mean, that's ridiculous.
Don't you think that's ridiculous?
I was worried.
That I wasn't being killed. Not
this time. Thanks. So, who is he?
His name is Levante.
He was one of Costillion's servants.
I first saw him in London
about four years ago.
So, he had his own sister killed
and let you live. Why is that?
I owe him so much money.
You'll say anything.
You really know how to lie
with a straight face.
It amazes me.
Mr. Hamberger, there's an
important phone call for you.
I'd follow you anywhere.
How'd you know my name?
Girl on the phone said
you probably shot someone.
Hello, Rina?
Someone's watching the apartment
your friend Gloria was holed up in.
Around her street.
I hope you got a plan
because I'm really scared,
And I don't want to
go back to my place.
What should we do?
Rina, don't panic.
Take her to Shea Stadium.
Drop her off at the picnic gate.
I'll have Carmine meet her.
Shea Stadium?
Carmine can't even get
you good seats. - Rina...
Okay, we're on
our way. - Rina...
But I'm telling you that this
time we're in over our heads.
Listen to me.
How come I love you
more every minute?
So, Mr. Hamberger is in love?
What about it?
Oh, you're in big trouble now.
You're suddenly very
vulnerable. - So I am.
But your friend, Costillion, is worse off.
He's nearly dead.
I love fashion shows.
Hey, come back here.
You have to wait for the police.
Jeez.
Hi, you must be Gloria,
right? I'm Carmine.
Gloria Reid.
You know, I started as a ticket taker.
Twenty years later, I'm head of
security. Here, let me get this.
Hamberger never calls
unless it's important...
or he needs tickets.
But he did call,
and what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna
baby-sit for him till he gets here.
Look at this place.
Is this incredible?
Shea Stadium, home of
the New York Mets.
I spent half of my life
working in this ballpark.
And what a beautiful park, huh?
I'm a lucky man.
Here, watch your step.
Have a seat here.
- Okay.
How's about a
little coffee? Good.
That'll be great.
- Like I said,
you know, Ham doesn't usually call me
unless it's for tickets.
Otherwise, I don't hear from him.
I don't know much about baseball.
Really? Casey Stengel?
Duke Snider?
Marvelous Marv Throneberry?
- Sorry.
Willie Mays?
- Mm-mm.
Where have you been, on Pluto?
If you're in any kind of trouble,
don't worry, Ham will take care of it.
Carmine!
Carmine!
- That's him now.
Behind you!
Ham, we're here!
Hey, ashole!
Over here.
Who's your friend, Gloria?
Let go of the lady.
Shut up!
Just take it easy.
We'll work something out.
Just move the gun
away from the lady's head.
Shut up!
Okay, now let's talk.
Or do you want me to dump
this refuse over the edge?
Take it easy.
- Throw your gun away!
Okay. Just take it easy.
I'm putting my gun down.
Gloria, you really do talk too much.
I should have cut
your fucking tongue out!
Look, we're gonna work this out.
Just take it easy.
You don't have to die.
Neither does she.
She'll be my hostage
until I leave the country.
Mr. Hamberger can take care
of the police until then.
That's the deal.
- Hamberger makes his own deal.
He has a high regard for you.
I mean nothing to him.
He can still have Jane Mallory
and Burton and all the others.
All but me.
Costillion!
You're out.
I got Costillion.
Somehow the face was different.
But the voice,
I should have recognized the voice.
That's what confused me.
But, here we are and now,
there's only one lose end to take care of.
Couple of the year,
you and Alex Burton.
Whatever face you
wear, you're beautiful.
Oh, it's gotten me out
of a lot of trouble.
'Course, it's gotten me into
a little trouble, too.
But then, you know about that.
- Meaning Alex Burton?
He came to castigate me
for giving drugs to his wife.
And he took one look at
you and changed his mind.
He loves me more than he's
ever loved any woman in his life.
I can understand that.
So, you became partners.
Well, it was the new
international commodity.
Better than gold or silver.
Better than diamonds.
After all, De Beers controls
the diamond market.
They get to dictate the price.
That's what Alex
wanted to do with heroin.
There was one flaw
in his master plan,
his wife.
Yes. Well, she did find out
about our little enterprise.
I mean, he offered
to pay her off, but...
God, she is so
destructive bitch.
Please, the lady's dead.
You're being unsympathetic, darling.
I had nothing to
do with how she died.
Oh, come now. Innocent?
Didn't you have the notion of hiring
some kill-crazy fellow
everybody had it in for,
somebody you could count
on to do the foolish thing?
The noble thing.
Oh, yes, how noble I was.
I slept with the lady,
I warned her, but she turned out
to be the wrong lady.
Was she already dead and hidden
somewhere in the
house when I got there?
Burton couldn't have done it.
He was busy fixing himself
an air-tight alibi in Chicago.
Burton isn't running
the operation anyway.
He's just the front. It's you.
You're getting nowhere, Hamberger.
I'll bet you some
money you're wrong.
All bets are off, Hamberger. Ah.
Nice to see you.
You had to muddy up the waters
a little bit, didn't you?
Create a substitute in a story
that I would tell and
nobody would believe.
Time marches on.
Did he tell you
about the strange coincidence?
When they took his wife's
body to the autopsy,
they found she'd
had sexual relations.
The very night she died, she was
with a man. - Shut up, Hamberger.
And now that I think about it,
I wonder who that man was.
You, son of the bitch. - Don't tell
me you consider him uman being.
After all, he set me up kill his
wife, and he is safe in Chicago.
I think... is a nice man.
You scruin her, and she
scruin me. - Shut up!
Where do we go from here?
How about Rio?
What makes you
think I can be bought?
Who's talking about buying you?
I just want to rent
you for a few years.
Sorry, Miss Mallory,
I'm not for rent, either.
Living with you could be dangerous.
You might kill me
if I got a headache.
Oh, now, that's very doubtful.
Come on, Hamberger, why don't
you stop chasing ambulances.
Wise up for once in your life.
You know, we could have it all.
You make it real hard.
Hard? Honey, I make it real easy.
Rina. Rina Hamberger?
Where have you been? And don't go
telling me any of your nonsense, either.
Come and get me. - I've spent
half my life waiting for you to call
and I'm tired of sitting here
cooking for no reason.
From now on, if you're
not gonna show up,
don't bother ever
showing up ever again.
I never did like
two-faced women.
It's amazing how greed
and growing old make
people act strange.
At least, those are two things
I'll never have to worry about.
By the way,
what the hell was in
those green bottles?
# Deadly eyes zero in
# Doin' strange things to me
# If eyes meet eyes I gotta hide
# Else they'll see
right through me
# Suddenly illusions are real
# There's no need to fear me
# Reality seems to be
# Better 'cause you're near me
# Oh
# Ooh
# Ohhhhh
# Illusions are real,
illusions are real
# Illusions are real
illusions are real
# Deadly games played to win
# Nothin' worse than losin'
# When you win
the world's your friend
# Lady Luck, she's two cents
# Suddenly illusions are real
# There's no need to fear me
# Reality seems to be
# Better 'cause you're near me
# Illusions are real
# Oh
# Illusions are real
# Yeah
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real
# Illusions are real