Despicable Me 4 (2024) Movie Script

1
(grand orchestral fanfare
playing)
(speaking Minionese)
(yelling)
(chuckles) Ah.
(electrical buzzing)
Ah. Hmm.
-(yells)
-(screaming)
(chuckles) Stuart.
-(whimpers, yells)
-Illumination!
(Minions laughing)
("Double Life"
by Pharrell Williams playing)
That's the question
Who will Gru be tonight?
That's the question
Hey, what are you hiding?
Whatcha doing when you gone?
Nothing wrong being private
Make sure it ain't wrong
Your life double-sided
Two-faced like coins
What side do I get?
Which side are you on?
So what have you done?
(tires squealing)
Some of your dirt
has come to light
Why were you
-Speeding up that hill
-(bleating)
Until the brakes came off?
And someone saw you
in a fight
-(tires squealing)
-Am I right?
I know you heard the rumors
You must get over to it
right away
If anyone can do it
You gotta get there soon,
it's not okay
You got cars to drive,
plenty jets to fly
When will you arrive?
You're running outta time
Don't you see that everything
is on the line?
Am I right?
Who will you be tonight?
That's the question
Who will Gru be tonight?
That's the question
The thrill of
the double life.
-(car alarm chirps)
-(song ends)
(tires squealing)
(both grunting, straining)
(creaking)
(yelps, groans)
(laughing)
Phil, Ron, Ralph, stay focused!
(laughing stops)
Ah. Okay, okay.
(grunts softly)
Okay, our target
is Maxime Le Mal,
one of the Anti-Villain
League's most wanted.
And trust me, a real jerk.
So, there is no room for error.
Got it?
ALL:
Si, boss.
Uh, boss? Uh, Gru?
-("Word Up!" by Cameo playing)
-(lively chatter, laughter)
Yo, pretty ladies
around the world
Got a weird thing
to show you
So tell all
the boys and girls...
-(gasps) Phil! Ron!
-Huh?
Looka! Looka! Oh!
-Yummos!
-(chattering in Minionese)
-Come here, come here.
-(all panting)
(speaking excitedly
in Minionese)
Ah.
-Pusha. Pusha.
-(others straining)
Ah...
-(muffled): Helpa. Ah, helpa.
-Ah.
Ah. Oh, helpa.
(munching loudly)
MAXIME:
Kids can be so cruel,
but Maxime can be even crueler!
(Maxime laughing)
-(laughing): Oh!
-(gasps)
Well, well, well.
Look who it is.
If it isn't Gru-ser the Loser.
(laughs)
Well, if it isn't Maxime Le Mal.
You look...
Magnificent?
Yes, I know.
What did you think, huh?
I was going to look
like a bald loser
with a dad bod?
Oops, looks like
you beat me to it, no?
-Well, that's not...
-(guests oohing)
BOTH:
Ooh!
Oh.
It's good to laugh, no?
(laughs)
Anyway, you remember
my girlfriend, Valentina?
She was captain of
the Femme Fatales cheer squad
and the most popular girl
in school, huh?
I remember.
Good to see you, Valentina.
(scoffs)
(dog growls)
(laughs)
What happened, Gru?
All your dreams of becoming
a famous villain,
they go poof-poof, huh?
-(laughs)
-(others laughing)
Well, I don't know if you know,
but I did manage
to steal the moon.
Really?
You mean that moon?
(laughing)
PRINCIPAL UBELSCHLECHT:
Is this on?
Can I have everyone's
attention, please?
Good evening, and welcome,
Lycee Pas Bon alumni.
Now, we're going to kick off
the festivities
by announcing the winner
of our most coveted award,
the Golden Alumni.
(cheering, applause)
And so, without further ado,
the winner of this year's
Golden Alumni is, uh...
oh, my favorite student,
Maxime Le Mal!
-What? What?
-Oh, thank you.
Are you kidding me?
Thank you. Merci.
Merci beaucoup.
Mais non, you don't have to.
-(groans)
-("Unbelievable" by EMF plays)
(laughing)
-Oh, thank you. Thank you.
-You're unbelievable.
-(song stops)
-Thank you.
I'm sure you all know
that I have
something very big in the works.
Now, some of you laughed
at my childhood obsession
with cockroaches.
(chuckles)
But I quickly learned
that they are a miracle
of evolution.
-(crowd gasping, murmuring)
-(cockroach chatters)
And I have found a way
to harness the strength
and the speed and the--
what is the word?--
unsquishability of
the most powerful creature
on the planet.
Which makes me indestructible
and unstoppable!
CROWD (chanting):
Maxime!
Maxime! Maxime!
Behold, the power
of the cockroach!
(straining)
(creaking)
(grunts)
(yells)
(grunting)
(yells) Oh!
-(gasps)
-Ah.
(Maxime laughing)
(crowd cheering)
Ah. (grunts)
(yells, laughs)
(roaring)
Aah, aah! Stop! Oh, oh, stoppa!
Aah! Stoppa!
So, my sad little friend,
what do you say about that, huh?
Well, I'd say
you're under arrest,
courtesy of
the Anti-Villain League.
(chuckling):
Oh, I don't think so, mon ami.
Oh, yeah? Goop Grenade!
(grunts, groans)
(straining)
(grunting)
(laughs, grunts)
Move in.
-AVL!
-Stay where you are!
Move, move, move!
(grunts, gasps)
(groans)
(grunting and groaning)
(yells)
-Stay there!
-(electrical crackling)
(yelps, whimpers)
Freeze!
-(weapon blasting)
-(grunting)
-(whooshing)
-(yells, groans)
Gotcha.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No!
-This is not happening.
-(dog whimpering)
C'est impossible. (grunts)
Get your hands off of me!
(groans) I...
I am commanding you to let...
(laughing)
So long, Maxime.
Who's the loser now?
-(blows raspberry)
-Loser!
BOTH:
Loser! Loser!
-(Maxime yelling)
-(all gasp)
-(electrical buzzing)
-(rapid grunting)
This is not over!
(all whimpering)
You won't always have the AVL
to fight your battles,
you coward.
Mark my words,
I will exterminate you!
(Maxime laughing wildly)
What?
-(clanking)
-(chuckles)
Not, uh... not scary at all.
(laughs nervously)

(birds chirping)

-(Lucky bleating)
-(Kyle grunting)
Hello, everybody.
-EDITH: Gru, what's up?
-AGNES: Hey, Gru!
-Hey, Gru.
-I'm so happy you're here!
What's shaking in the Gru house?
Look what I taught Lucky.
-Lucky, sit.
-(bleating)
(grunts, passes gas)
Aw, Lucky. I said "sit."
-(bleats)
-(laughing)
Well, it is only
his first lesson.
Uh, maybe we practice outside
from now on.
There's my favorite husband.
Did you remember
to get the milk?
Well, yes. They had a few kinds.
They got the almond milk,
soy milk, hemp milk,
oat milk, goat milk,
chocolate milk, half-and-half,
powdered and of magnesia.
What about regular milk?
Uh, they don't make that
anymore.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
-One, two, three girls.
-(Agnes giggling)
One wife.
-Something is missing.
-(girls laughing)
No, I think that's
all of us, yeah.
You know what,
I keep forgetting-- this guy!
(laughing, babbling)
(laughing):
Oh!
There's my boy!
-There he is.
-(cooing)
A-coochie-coochie-
coochie-coochie.
Where is Daddy's hug?
Oh, looks like somebody's
a little cranky.
-(fussing)
-Behind that sourpuss,
I know you love your dada!
Go on, say it. "Dada."
"Dada."
-Yes, of course he loves you.
-(laughing)
He just... he just doesn't
show it on his face.
Or with his body language.
(chuckles)
Right, Gru Jr.? Come on.
Show Daddy
how much you love him.
Oh, I know what
will make you happy.
Mmm. Bahama Medley.
(fusses, squeals)
No?
It's from the Bahamas--
all of them.
Look. Oh, so yummy.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
-(gags, coughs)
-(laughing)
Oh, that really tastes
like the Bahamas.
See? He loves his daddy.
He's sharing. (chuckles)
(Gru Jr. laughing)
Phil, Ralph, Ron.
(Minions grunting rapidly)
("Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen
playing)
(speaks Minionese)
(babbles, speaks Minionese)
-(laughing)
-(toothbrush buzzing)
(speaking Minionese)
-(groans)
-(grunting)
-(yelps)
-(speaks Minionese)
-(speaking Minionese)
-(drill whirring)
(speaking Minionese)
-(song stops)
-(bell dings)
-Thanks, guys.
-(doorbell rings)
Ramsbottom?
-"Bottom."
-(all laughing)
I need a word with you both.
-Sure, but what...
-I'm sorry,
there's no time for chitchat.
Maxime Le Mal has sent you
a message from prison.
(static crackling)
Bonjour, Gru.
I know you can hear me,
so hear this.
You think you can humiliate me
and get away with it, yes?
But no!
When I break out of prison,
I'm coming for my revenge, Gru,
but this time,
I won't go so easy on you.
(laughs)
And I know where you live,
so you'd better sleep
with one eye open,
'cause you can't hide from me.
(laughs)
Sweet dreams, Gru-ser!
(laughs)
(both gasp)
Don't worry,
he can't get out of there.
(chuckling):
It's a maximum security prison.
Ah, yes, well, um...
(clears throat)
he escaped yesterday.
What?!
Leave our home?
Oh, no, you're gonna love it.
It's-it's called the safe house,
and it's fun, and it's safe,
and it's fantastic,
and we're going.
Yeah, you'll get a new room,
go to a new school.
That'll be fun, right?
Everything's gonna be new.
We love new.
What about all my friends?
You'll make new friends,
probably better ones.
(Margo groans)
-I can't believe this.
-GRU: Yes, yes.
Lot of emotions,
big life change.
Less talking, more walking.
Come on. Here we go.

(Minions grunting)
-(Lucky bleats)
-(Margo grunts)
(Agnes sniffles, whimpers)
I'm sorry you can't go with us,
Lucky.
(bleats)
Take good care of him.
(bleats)
Be good, Lucky.
Don't forget to practice
your tricks.
-(vehicle door closes)
-(sighs)
We'll arrive at the AVL
safe house in a few hours.
Mayflower is a lovely town.
A lovely, safe, boring town.
Trust me,
it is for the best, Gru.
And what about Grandma?
And Uncle Dru?
I'm sorry, no one can know
of your whereabouts.
Not even family.
Bingo,
there's your silver lining.
And you promise to take care
of the other Minions?
They'll be safe and sound
at AVL headquarters.
I have big plans for them.
(scoffs)
Good luck with that.
("Boombayah" by Blackpink
playing)
Been a bad girl, I know I am
And I'm so hot, I need a fan
I don't want a boy,
I need a man...
(Minions laughing, chattering)
-(noisemakers blaring)
-(whooping)
(groans)
That is it!
-(tires squealing)
-(grunting, noisemaker blares)
-(song stops)
-(Minions chattering)
-Quiet!
-(chattering stops)
You are now on Carl's bus.
And Carl is
a longtime AVL employee
whose retirement benefits
are almost vested,
so while on Carl's bus,
-you follow Carl's rules.
-(teeth chattering)
No shenanigans, no antics
and no tomfoolery.
-Tom?
-(blows raspberry)
So this ends now,
or you're gonna see
a side of Carl
you do not want to see.
Do I make myself clear?!
(groans)
-MINION: Bazooka!
-(laughter)
-(noisemakers blaring)
-(song resumes)
Yah yah yah, boombayah...
-(Minions shouting wildly)
-(Carl groaning)
Carl does not like this!
Watch your hands.
What are you doing?
-Who's pinching?! No!
-(horn toots)
Yah, yah, yah, yah
-Let's go!
-Ooh-ooh.
(song ends)

SILAS: Here we are,
the town of Mayflower.
The safe house has been used
to protect our agents
for decades now.
Oh, look at that place.
LUCY: Wow, look at these lawns,
the flowers.
EDITH (laughing):
Whoa, that is cool!
Are we really gonna live here?
-(gasps) Look at that fountain!
-Whoa.
EDITH:
Awesome.
-(snoring)
-Oh, is that one ours?
-Uh, uh, looka. (giggles)
-Whoa! -MARGO: Look at that!
AGNES:
Oh, that's pretty!
LUCY:
I could get used to this.
-(snorting)
-(laughing)
AGNES: Ooh, it looks like
a princess lives there!
And here it is.
Your new home.
(crows cawing)
Oh.
Hmm. No fountain.
I'm sure it's gonna be great.
Come on.

Wow, it's so...
cold and uninviting.
But in a homey kind of way.
-(chuckles)
-What?
Yes, everything here
is AVL standard.
What it lacks in comfort,
it more than makes up for
in functionality.
Th-There's even a fully
automated lockdown mode.
Isn't that fun?
Ooh, full lockdown mode.
(chuckles)
(unenthusiastically):
Yay.
(gasps)
It has a vending machine!
-I love this place!
-(gasps, speaks Minionese)
-(grunts)
-(shouts in Minionese)
(gasps, speaks Minionese)
Uh, uh, looka.
-(screams, yells in Minionese)
-(laughing)
This will be great.
All right, now down to business.
For your own safety, you'll all
be assuming new identities.
New identities?
Is that really necessary?
-It's not up for debate, Gru.
-(Gru Jr. fussing)
Now, you are
a solar panel salesman.
Lucy, you're a hair stylist
at an upscale salon.
-(gasps) A hair stylist?
-(Gru Jr. squeals happily)
Yes! Jackpot!
Silas, did you choose that
because you knew
I cut my own hair and that
I would totally rock at this?
No.
"Chet Cunningham."
Da, that's got
a nice ring to it.
SILAS:
Girls.
(chuckling):
Cool.
I'm Blair.
Britney?
My name is Bree?
Oh, come on. There are
worse names than Bree.
Yeah, like Blanche.
(laughs)
Yes, Margo.
Blanche?
Oh, that is a terrible name.
(chuckles)
Imagine being named Blanche.
Truly, I cannot think
of a worse...
My name's Blanche, isn't it?
-Yup.
-(laughter)
Well, I'll get used to it.
Well, why don't you girls go
and pick out your rooms
while I have a word
with your parents?
Yes, I-I didn't want
to frighten the girls,
but it is absolutely crucial
you keep your true identities
under wraps.
Gru, you're going to have
to try to not be so Gru-ish.
What is that supposed to mean?
Well, I'm just saying you tend
to stand out in a crowd.
That's all. You know, you, uh...
Like the way you're always
cranky and irritable
and, uh, how you make things
a bit awkward
for everyone around you.
You do do that. (laughs)
-I mean, you, you know, you...
-Okay, enough.
I don't make people awkward
or uncomfortable.
I'm very comforting.
Like a nice meat loaf.
I'm pretty delicious.
This is not awkward.
You're the ones
who are making it awkward.
Gru, you have to blend in.
Your family's lives
are at stake.
You understand?
Of course. Yes.
Fully understand.
We would do anything to keep
our family safe. Yeah.
Right, well, I'll be in contact
when this is all over.
Until then,
capturing Maxime Le Mal
is our top priority.
Stay safe.
-(door closes)
-(Gru Jr. chuckles)
You know what, Gru?
Maybe this isn't so bad.
We need a break
from chasing down villains
and dangerous missions, right?
We can actually be
a normal family for once.
(gasps)
And I can finally spend
some little bonding time
with the baby.
It's gonna be great, right, pal?
Who's got your nose?
Who's got...
-Aah! He's got my nose!
-(Gru Jr. laughing)
(groans)
Quite the grip there.
The kid is strong.
-(groans)
-(Gru Jr. squeals happily)
Ah.
(cockroach chattering)
-
-(chatters)
(yells)
(grunts, chatters)
("Freedom" by Pitbull playing)
Let's be free, baby,
and cruise the world
Are you with it, girl?
I'm free to do what I want
and have a good time...
(laughing)
Thank you. Look at everyone.
Yes. We are having
a good time, right?
(singing along):
I'm free to do what I want
And have a good time...
(whooping)
(laughs)
No, I love you.
Thank you, my beautiful army.
Maxime's back, baby! (laughs)
(cheering)
And a special merci beaucoup
to everyone who helped me
break out of AVL prison.
Todd and Linda, where are you?
Where are you?
Yes. For distracting the guards.
-Oh, trs magnifique.
-(whooping)
-(laughs) Now, silence!
-(cheering and whooping stop)
We must make Gru suffer
for arresting me.
(laughs)
And what better way
than to take away from him
his precious little baby?
Oh, I want to take that baby!
(laughs)
-(gasps, exclaims)
-(whistling, cheering)
-Oh, Maxime.
-No, no, wait, wait.
Not Maxime.
What if I start going
by Cockroach Man?
Huh? Little on the nose,
but it is very clear, huh?
-It's good, no?
-(scoffs)
I'm not calling you
that stupid name,
but I love this evil plan.
Well, Gru has it coming.
He humiliated me
in front of the whole school.
I had my trophy and everything.
-But now the game begins!
-(cockroach exclaims)
He runs and hides
like the mouse,
and we find him like the cat!
Game on.
(Ron chuckles)
-Stoppa. Stoppa.
-(chuckling continues)
Stoppa. Stoppa.
(exclaims in Minionese)
-Stoppa!
-(laughing)
Okay, we've got Chet's famous
super cheesy scrambled eggs
-(Lucy humming)
-And Blanche's famous bacon
That spells your name.
Here you go...
Britney.
Wait.
I can't say my name is Britney.
That would be a lie.
Yes.
But we aren't "stupposed"
to lie.
Don't think of it as lying.
Think of it as
high-stakes pretending.
Well, I'm not going to.
-Ah, just a little white lie.
-Nope.
Agnes, as your father,
I command you to lie.
No.
-Yes, lie.
-Mm-mm.
You are walking on thin ice,
little lady.
Hmph.
(Gru Jr. giggling, munching)
Why can't you be more like
your sister Edith?
She lies all the time.
-No, I don't.
-See? See?
She's lying right now.
Beautifully, I might add.
LUCY:
Okay, you guys.
This is our first big day
in Mayflower,
and I say we make it
a great one.
Right, Chet Jr.?
-Woo-hoo! Mayflower!
-(Gru Jr. squeals excitedly)
Yeah! Woo-hoo!
We're gonna be late for karate.
-And you have to get Margo
to school. -Ah.
-(Margo groans)
-EDITH: It's gonna be awesome.
-(unenthusiastically): Yay.
-Hey.
You just have to put yourself
out there, and I promise,
Mayflower will love
Chet Cunningham.
Well, they're gonna love him
just as much as I do.
GRU:
Mm.
And you, little man,
are gonna have
so much fun
with your daddy today.
(smacking lips)
Yep, just you and Dada.
Come on, say it. "Dada."
"Dada."
(blows raspberry)
Gonna be a fun day.

(takes deep breath)
-(Minions grunting rapidly)
-("Hot for Teacher" playing)
(grunting, speaking Minionese)
-Okay.
-(drill whirring)
(speaking Minionese)
(laughing)
-Thanks a lot, guys.
-(chuckles, speaks Minionese)
(speaking Minionese)
(laughs)
MAN:
All right.
-Thanks, hon. Bye.
-Bye.
Look, Margo. Neighbors.
Hello!
Hmm?
Come on.
You got this, Chet.
(shudders)
I'm your new neighbor,
Chet Cunningham.
Uh-huh. Perry Prescott.
So, what, uh, brings you
to the neighborhood, Chet?
Well, uh...
(gasps)
Solar panels.
That's it. I sell solar panels.
Have you joined
the solar revolution?
Yeah, no.
Uh, I think I'm good.
Good to know.
So, uh, what do you do, Perry?
I own Prescott Motors,
the largest auto dealer
in the state.
Wow. That's impressive.
This is my daughter Margo.
Bree, Dad.
GRU:
Ah, yes.
Yes. Did I say "Margo"?
It's funny because
I was thinking...
I was thinking about a fish
I once had as a pet named Margo,
who lived in the pond
and, uh, then died.
(stammers softly)
Anyway, I, uh...
I am about to take Bree
to school for her first day.
Yeah, I was about to take Poppy
to school, so...
Poppy. Hello, Poppy.
That's a fun name to say.
You want to carpool with us?
No.
You can be friends with Bree.
Right, Bree?
You don't have any friends.
(Margo chuckles awkwardly)
Well, love the chitchat, Chet,
but she's got school,
and I'm meeting some pals
over at the country club, so...
Ooh, country club.
That sounds like a lot of fun.
If I were ever invited
to a country club,
(chuckles): I am sure
that I would love it.
Yeah, well, we really
have to get going,
-so nice meeting you, Chet.
-(engine starts)
(over stereo):
I'm too sexy...
Okay, cool.
Anytime you want to hang out,
just hit me up with a text.
He's gonna text me.
That was painful.

You'll see, by lunchtime,
you will have forgotten
all about your old,
lousy friends.
Mm, not so sure about that.
(students chattering, laughing)
(bicycle bell dings)
(sighs)
Hey, honey, you got this.
You are smart. You are funny.
What's there to worry about,
right?
They're gonna love you.
Thanks, Gru.
Buh-bye.
Oh, please let them love you.
(sighs)
(gasps)
Hey, Poppy.
Uh...
-(horns honking)
-(yells, stammers)
-(horns continue honking)
-Move it!
(chuckling):
Sorry. My bad.
I'm going. All right, I'm going.
Ooh. Glassos.
(chattering, laughing)
-(shouts in Minionese)
-(screams)
(groans)
-(grunting)
-(barking)
(whimpering)
(laughs, speaks Minionese)
-(leash snaps)
-(screams)
(barking, snarling)
(whimpering)
(grunting rapidly)
(speaking Minionese)
(grunts, screams)
(speaking Minionese)
(muffled chattering)
All right, gentlemen, fall in.
Some of you may be wondering
why you're here.
-MINION: Uh...
-MINION 2: Si.
As you may or may not know,
I was recently called out
of retirement
to head up the AVL's
new top secret initiative
to take down Maxime Le Mal.
And that's where you come in.
We need volunteers.
(all shouting, laughing)
We are looking for the strong,
the mighty...
-Oh.
-Uh...
-...the fearless.
-MINION: Uh, nope.
-We need the best of the best.
-Uh...
-So, who's it going to be?
-(Minion chuckles)
(Minions murmuring,
chuckling nervously)
Yes, nice work, gentlemen.
-Uh, blumach.
-(sighing)
(laughter)
The AVL is known
for cutting-edge weapons
and vehicles,
but now we are developing
cutting-edge agents,
and I can think of no better
guinea pigs than you.
-Guinea pig! Yeah!
-(laughing)
(blows raspberry)
You will be the first
to test our Super-serum,
designed to transform you
into elite agents
with powers and abilities
far beyond those of mortal man.
Or you might just explode.
We don't really know.
Uh, uh, huh?
(whimpers, yelps)
(screaming)
Ah... (chuckles)
(whirring)
-(electrical crackling)
-(Minions grunting rapidly)
(grunts)
(hollers, growls)
(yells)
(laughing)
(giggles, yells)
(grunts, strains)
(grunting)
(speaks Minionese)
(chuckling woozily)
(yelling fiercely)
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the Mega Minions.
-(yelling, roaring)
-(Minions whooping)
(entry bell jingles)
(laughing):
Cool!
Aw, you guys look adorable.
And-and really tough
and-and scary.
I'll look even better
when I have a black belt.
Hi-yah!
Ooh, ooh! I'm gonna break
a brick with my head.
-That's the spirit. Oh!
-(gong clangs)
Oh, okay, now, go have fun
while I'm at work.
Blair and Britney, right?
-Mm...
-We will!
Okay. Bye, Mom.
-LUCY: Bye!
-(kids grunting)
Gotcha.
Hi-yah!
Circle up, people.
(grunting fiercely)
Show respect for your sensei.
KIDS:
Yes, Sensei O'Sullivan!
Hai!
You, Moscovitch, didn't I
tell you to cut that hair?
You look like a sheepdog.
Sorry, Sensei.
(Agnes whimpers,
chuckles nervously)
Now, we have
two new students today
ready to begin their journey--
hi-yah!-- to awesomeness.
-You, tiny girl.
-(gasps)
Step forward
and tell us your name.
Um...
(whispers):
It's Britney.
Uh...
m-my name?
I can't...
There's no "can't" in karate.
Ten push-ups after class!
Hey, that's not fair.
(grunting)
You better not be talking back
to your sensei.
(grunts fiercely)
Now, are you ready to tell us
your name and participate?
Mm...
I guess not.
Then why don't you go sit
in the corner
of disgrace and reflection
and think about what kind
of person you want to be?
Now, am I gonna get
any trouble from you?
Yeah, probably.
-Excuse me?
-(neck cracks)
If you think I'm above
fighting children,
you picked the wrong dojo.
(grunting fiercely)
(grunts threateningly)
-(Edith grunts)
-(screams)
(groans)
(gong clangs)
(kids gasping)
(kids cheering)
That was for my sister.
(O'Sullivan yells)
(whimpers)
You broke my pinkie toe.
(whimpers)
(Edith chuckles nervously)
That's gonna be
a lot of push-ups.
(Edith chuckles nervously)
LUCY(quietly):
Okay, put this over here.
Hair gel.
-Hairspray.
-Oh, uh, Mrs. Cunningham.
Oh, yeah, uh, yeah? Uh, um, hi.
I have to say,
this is quite a rsum.
Well, what can I say?
I'm good at what I do.
(chuckles)
Well, you are exactly
what we need here.
Lot of vain, demanding divas
in this town.
(both laugh)
(entry bell jingles)
I have a hair emergency, people.
Where's what's-her-name?
Remy? Rhonda?
Oh, Melora, I'm so sorry.
Rachel's on maternity leave.
What?! Oh, that is unacceptable.
But you are in luck, because
Blanche here is fantastic.
Perfect. I'll be in my chair.
Okay, kiddo, you're up.
-(chuckles nervously)
-Let's go!
("Dynamite" by BTS playing)
So, Melora,
what are we thinking?
What if we just wet the hair
and let it dry in the air?
(chuckling): Let nature do
its "thang," you know?
No, no, no, no,
that style is dead to me.
It's-it's time for
a whole new Melora.
I want this.
Wow. (chuckles)
Wow. Um...
Okay. Let's start with color.
Yes, color, 'cause that's
what you start with.
A little of this.
Some of that.
And, ooh, that's pretty.
This isn't so hard. (chuckles)
(sizzling)
Uh...
What?
(sniffs)
Should it be smoking?
Yes, uh-huh.
Smoking means it's working.
(chuckles, gasps)
(whimpers)
-(screams)
-(flame whooshes)
(electrical crackling)
-(gasping)
-What's going on?
Perfect. No one panic.
Call 911!
-(people screaming, sobbing)
-(fire alarm ringing)
Quickly, quickly.
-(fire truck horn blasting)
-Oh. (chuckles)
Wonder where they're going.
(frantic chatter)
(laughs) Voil.
My latest creation.
All of my transformation powers
in a handheld design, huh?
Ay, I love it.
Oh, and look at
the little antenna.
That's so cute.
It's not supposed
to be cute, no!
I'm going for intimidating.
Terrifying, even.
Now, all I have to do is find
that walking bald potato,
-and his baby is mine.
-(laughing)
-Check this out. (chuckles)
-(alarm chirps)
(whirring)
(all gasping in awe)
(barking)
(laughing maniacally)
No, I kid you not. I'm being...
Whoa!
Whoa!
-(camera clicks)
-(rumbling)
(Maxime laughing)
Oh, this is going to be so good!
(whooshing)
(groans)
Okay, Daddy is
officially exhausted.
I changed your diaper.
I've got your bottle,
your Binky.
And here are your balloons.
-There you go.
-(giggles)
-You like those, right?
-(fussing)
All right,
a little bit of me time.
(sniffs deeply)
(sighs)
(grunts)
(slurping)
-(balloon pops)
-(screams)
(groans)
(Gru Jr. coos)
(Gru grumbles)
-Mmm, mmm.
-(balloon pops)
-(horn honks)
-(screams)
(groans)
(coos)
(crying)
(exasperated sigh)
Someone put a glitter bomb
in my locker.
Ugh, teenagers are the worst.
Yeah, babies are no picnic,
either.
(Gru Jr. laughing)
-(balloon pops)
-(horn honks, Gru screams)
-GRU: Junior!
-(tires squealing)
(snoring)
(shushes, speaks Minionese)
Ah, okay, okay.
(grunting)
Dua Lipa. Prosciutto.
-(giggles)
-(grunts)
-(yells)
-(laughing)
(speaking Minionese)
-Fire in de bowl!
-(explosive whoosh)
(laughing)
Good night, Ralph.
(scatting)
Taking out the trash
'cause I'm an awesome dad
And the baby finally
went to sleep.
(scatting)
POPPY:
Hello, Gru.
Hello. Wha... Hey.
What. What the...
Oh. Hello, Poppy.
Did you say something?
Wha... My name's Chet,
by the way.
Chet Cunningham.
Gru?
(laughing): Wha...
What does that even mean?
It means you're bad at lying.
Hey, that's not nice.
Ever hear of respecting
your elders?
I don't respect boomers.
I just mock them.
(laughs)
Is that, like, a joke
you read on the Web?
Wow. "The Web"?
How old are you?
Well, old enough to know
that you are a rotten little...
(gasps, stammers)
-You better watch yourself.
-(yelps)
(gasps) Ooh.
You used to be a master villain.
(scoffs)
That's not me.
I don't even see a resemblance.
Clearly, you have the wrong guy,
as I sell... mm, solar panels.
Oh, don't worry.
I'm not gonna expose you.
Because you're gonna help me
pull a heist.
We start planning tomorrow.
You want to pull a heist?
(laughs)
Listen, kid, I'm not going to...
-No, you listen, old man.
-Ow.
I own you.
And I promise,
you do not want to cross me.
Okay. (stammers)
All right, but tomorrow
is-is not really good timing.
Bummer for you.
Because this is happening,
unless you want the whole world
to know exactly who you are...
...Gru.
(gasps)
(whispers):
She's terrifying.
(Minion humming)
(grunts)
Ah. (gasps)
-Oh, looka! (speaks Minionese)
-(babbling)
(laughter, whooping)
Bello. Bello. Thank you.
(chatter in Minionese, laughter)
-Ow!
-Ooh!
(whooping laughter)
(speaking excitedly
in Minionese)
-(chuckles)
-(screams)
-(speaks Minionese)
-Oh, thank you.
-(camera clicks)
-(screams)
(grunts)
-(microwave timer dings)
-Yay!
Oh, blumach.
Hey, Jiminy! Tu cafe le colda?
No problemo.
(stammering, whimpering)
(screaming)
(people screaming)
(shouting frantically)
(grunts)
(sighs, speaks Minionese)
(laughing)
(roaring)
-Thank you.
-(yelps)
(laughter)
All right, all right,
s-settle down.
-Settle down!
-(laughter dies down)
Thank you.
It's time to get you out
for some real-world training.
(excited chatter)
And if you do well out there,
you'll be the AVL's
new secret weapon.
Pomodoro!
(others murmuring)
(all shouting in Minionese)
(laughter)
(grunts, chatters)
-(laughs)
-(cheering)
(startled grunting)
I'm quite sure
I won't regret this.
No, the painters canceled.
-Uh-huh.
-True story.
-Wow. -I don't know what is
the deal with these...
-GRU: Morning, neighbors!
-Uh...
Hey there!
Still waiting on that invite,
Perry.
-Uh...
-(gasps) Oh!
-No. No. No, no.
-Yoo-hoo!
-Patsy. (grunts)
-Oh, neighbors.
-Oh, Patsy.
-Hi there.
I'm Perry's wife Patsy.
Oh. I'm Blanche.
And this is Chet.
Hi. So I look over here,
and I see you, and... (laughs)
I have one of
my brilliant ideas.
Perry needs a fourth
for tennis tomorrow.
Oh, honey.
(chuckles):
I... I don't know.
He doesn't seem like
much of a tennis guy.
Much of a tennis guy?
I am too much of a tennis guy.
I'm Mr. Tennis.
It's my favorite
of all the sports games.
With the racket and, uh,
with the balls.
-So yellow and fuzzy.
-(Perry groans)
-(Perry grunts)
-Oh, then we're all set.
See you two at the club
tomorrow.
(laughs)
Toodle-oo.
Okay. Toodle-oo to you two, too.
(chuckles)
So, you-you play tennis?
Yes, yes, I play tennis.
I'm pretty fantastic, actually.
Well, at least I was
at summer camp.
Wow, that's great.
Here you go.
-Mwah. Okay, bye.
-(Gru Jr. fussing)
-(Gru chuckles nervously)
-Have fun.
There you go.
(groaning):
Okay.
-(grunts) Huh?
-(laughs)

What the... (yelps)
(sighs)

(whirring)
Gru.
You can't hide from me, Gru.
-(back cracks)
-Ay, my back is killing me.
How long is this gonna take?
It will take
as long as it takes.
Mark my words, Gru will not win.
This won't be like
the ninth grade talent show.
Ay, again with this.
Yes, again.
It was a pivotal moment.
Why can't you indulge me?
(both groan)
It was the night
of the big show.
(Valentina scoffs)
MAXIME:
I had practiced for weeks,
perfecting a number that would
blow my classmates away.
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon...
I was about to go on when...
-What?
-I heard it.
-Wait. Oh.
-("Karma Chameleon" playing)
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon...
MAXIME:
There was that little jerk
doing my big number.
GRU:
You come and go...
He ruined everything.
I couldn't go on after him.
I would've looked like a fool.
Like I was copying him.
Maybe it was just a coincidence.
That was a very popular song.
Oh, no, no, no, no. He knew.
He did it on purpose.
He reveled in humiliating me.
-(alarm blaring)
-Huh?
-What now?
-Ugh, we're low on fuel.
It's always something.
Look, I can never focus
on just being evil.
(groans) Okay.
Pull over.

(wind whistling)
(barking)
(dog whimpers)
(slurping)
(dog yelps)
-(slurping bottom of cup)
-(dog grumbles)
(coughing)

Okay, let's see.
Regular unleaded.
Ooh. Wow.
It is expensive, no?
Okay. Insert card
and remove rapidly.
-"Card not read."
-(machine beeping)
-Oh, come on.
-Did you pull it out rapidly?
Yes, yes, very rapidly.
-(grumbling)
-(machine beeping repeatedly)
(prolonged beep)
-(yells)
-(beeping stops)
Ay, get me a slushy.
It's my cheat day.
(entry bell jingles)
Hey, you, your stupid machine
won't read my card.
Did you remove it rapidly?
-Yes.
-(sighs)
Well, sometimes it's too rapid.
You should probably try again.
(groans)
I don't have time for this!
(whimpers) Whoa!
I'm trying to destroy
my archnemesis.
Now, give me 900 gallons
on pump four, you idiot.
(whimpers)
Please don't hurt me.
Oh, I'm not going to hurt you.
-(chuckles)
-(weapon powering up)
-Wha...
-(weapon blasts)
-Ow! (grunting rapidly)
-(electrical crackling)
(grunting)
(groans, chatters)
MAXIME:
Oh, look at you.
(laughs)
Much better.
Now, get me a purple slushy!
(yelling, groaning)
I'm not paying for that,
just so you know.
So there. (laughs)
I know I'm so bad.
-(Maxime laughing)
-(grumbles)
(entry bell jingles)
Hmm. Okay, why don't you guys
pick out a healthy cereal?
(gasps) This was Lucky's
favorite cereal.
You don't think
he'll forget me, do you?
Oh, sweetheart,
that's impossible.
You play with Lucky
and-and dress him up.
And you guys have your podcast.
There is no way in this world
he could ever forget
-his best friend.
-(laughs)
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, look it!
This one has extra marshmallows!
Double Frosted Choco Clusters.
-AGNES: Yeah.
-Yeah, let's go with those.
All right, what else do we need?
(gasping)
Oh, no.
Nobody see. Nobody notice.
Nobody notice.
-(whimpering)
-(Agnes yelps)
-Whew.
-EDITH: What's wrong?
Huh?
Oh, nothing. Just, uh...
ooh, stretching
before we hit the aisles.
Shopping is the number one
cause of pulled hamstrings.
Probably didn't know that.
Okay, all stretched.
Let's go. Quickly.
Quick, quick, quick, quick,
quick, quick, quick.
(sighs) Okay. Coast is clear.
-(screams, gasps)
-(cans clattering)
Uh... oh.
(gasps)
-You!
-(products drop to floor)
(chuckles nervously)
You did this to me!
You fraud.
Come on, girls.
Clean up on aisle nine!
(chuckles)
I've always wanted to say that.
Just hide over here.
-What does that lady want?
-(panting)
Lady? I didn't see a lady.
-("Terminator 2" theme plays)
-(yells)
(gasps) Lady!
-Come on, let's go.
-(Agnes yelps, Edith grunts)
-Faster.
-Aah! -Whoa!
You're no hairdresser!
-(Lucy and shopper whimper)
-I'm onto you!
-Get back here!
-Got to get out of here.
(grunts)
(whimpers)
-(screams)
-(yells)
(whimpers, screams)
(muffled whimper)
(panting):
Okay.
(yelps)
-(growls)
-(screams)
(yelling)
Come back here!
(yelps, whimpers)
-AGNES (laughing): Whoa!
-(Edith giggling)
(shoppers yelling)
-Hey! No, no, no, no, no!
-(girls whooping)
-You can't just... (grunts)
-LUCY: Open! Open!
-Open!
-(girls scream)
(all screaming)
(grunts)
Whoa!
Let's go.
(engine starts)
(engine revs, tires squeal)
Stop! Come here, you!
(panting)
(sobbing):
No!
Whew.
That was a close one.
Always a fun time
when you go shopping with Mom.
-Yeah!
-Best shopping trip ever!
AGNES:
I feel so alive!

(meows)
(electronic dance theme playing)
("Through the Fire and Flames"
by DragonForce playing)
(cat moaning)
-(music stops)
-ANNOUNCER: Perfecto.
-(meows)
-GRU (over speaker): Poppy?
-(gasps)
-Poppy!
(meows)
I don't see her, Junior.
POPPY:
Look up, genius.
-Huh?
-(over speaker): You're late.
(groans)
How do I get up there?
POPPY (over speaker):
Use the trampoline.
Huh?
(sighs)
Here we go.
(pants, grunts)
(straining)
-(Gru Jr. giggling)
-(yelps)
(panting)
Whoa! Aah!
(screams, strains)
-(groaning)
-(Gru Jr. laughs)
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
(Gru straining)
(Gru Jr. laughing)
(grunts, groans)
POPPY:
It is I,
Poppy Prescott,
-villainess.
-(meows)
Have a seat, Gru.
All right, I'll sit... (grunts)
-(cat meowing)
-(Gru Jr. laughing)
Okay. Why am I here?
Because, like you,
I was born to be bad.
-And now...
-(knuckles crack)
it's time to discuss
our big heist.
(scoffs)
"Heist."
Please, you're just a child.
(grunting)
All great villains start young.
Didn't you steal the
Crown Jewels when you were 12?
(Gru Jr. laughing)
I was a lot younger than that.
And no offense,
but you're not me.
Oh, I plan on being
a lot better than you.
Check this out.
Hey, is that my old school?
Bingo.
Which I have expertly modeled
with glue and Popsicle sticks.
And it's where
we are going to steal...
the school mascot.
You want to steal Lenny?
-Exactly.
-(cat meows)
Lycee Pas Bon has always been
my dream school,
and this heist
will look so great
on my villain transcripts.
That is a terrible idea.
Have you ever even seen
a honey badger?
They are vicious
little monsters.
They literally eat bees
and cobras for breakfast.
Honey badger don't care.
No way. No way am I helping you.
Well, that's the thing
with blackmail.
(Gru Jr. coos)
You kind of have no choice.
(Gru Jr. laughing)

(Minions laughing)
Come here. Come here!
(speaking Minionese, grunting)
(straining)
(speaks Minionese, chuckles)
-(speaking Minionese)
-(sirens wailing)
Ah, uh... (speaks Minionese)
Tim.
Tim, uh, tu le do it.
-Go, go, go.
-P-P-Porque meo?
(continues in Minionese)
(whimpers) Chihuahua.
(distant bang,
someone screaming)
(all gasping, whimpering)
(frightened chatter
in Minionese)
Bas enough!
(continues in Minionese)
No! Tu le stronga.
Tu le forta.
Tu le besta!
(continues in Minionese)
Les salami!
OTHERS:
Les salami!
Aah! Suppository!
(laughter)

-(grunts)
-(gasps)
Hey! Police!
No problemo.
(grunts)
(metal rod whooshing
through air)
-(grunts)
-Ooh. Uh...
Pia colada.
(gasps, yelps)
(screaming)
-MAN: Help!
-(gasps)
(shouts in Minionese)
Please, can you help me?
-Oh, si, si. (grunts)
-(whimpers)
(vocalizing an upbeat melody)
Hey. All is goot.
Ciao!
(whimpers)
(meows)
Smudge, Smudge, come down.
Hey! (speaks Minionese)
(meows)
(grunts)
-Les gato. (chuckles)
-(gasps)
-Thank you. Thank you.
-(startled grunting)
Ooh, smoocha.
(giggling)
Oh!
(yowls)
-(muttering in Minionese)
-(people screaming)
(alarm blaring)
(straining)
(grunts, yelps)
Help!
MEGA TIM:
Bazooka!
(grunting)
-(straining)
-(metal screeching)
-(sighs)
-(passengers cheering)
(whooshing, crashing)
(grunting)
Ah. Uh... (chuckles nervously)
(grunts)
Hey, hey. Stoppa. Stoppa.
Muy risky. Lemme do it.
-(muffled explosion)
-(grunts)
(cheering)
(grunting frantically)
(belches thunderously)
-(car alarms blaring)
-(people groaning)
(sighs) Ciao, bellos!
(laughing)
There they are.
Those guys crushed my car.
They destroyed the coffee shop!
MAN:
Yeah, get out of here!
MAN 2:
They're ruining everything.
I'm sick of superheroes.
-Yeah.
-Let's get 'em.
-(crowd clamoring)
-(gasping, screaming)
(tires squeal)
Get in. (grunts)
(panicked gasping, grunting)
-(clamoring continues)
-(tires squealing)
Gentlemen... (groans)
-our experiment has failed.
-(disappointed murmuring)
You are officially
going to be retired.
Yeah! Retirement!
Uh, uh, no?
(horn honks)

(gasps)
Whoa. There it is.
The castle.
The gargoyles. (gasps)
-I can't believe I'm
really here. -(Gru sighs)
RON:
(grunts) Okay.
(speaking Minionese)
Voil.
(sighs)
Okay, let's get this over with.
-Ron, hand me my gear.
-Voil.
-Keep a close eye on him.
-RON: Okay.
If you need anything,
I brought formula...
-Uh-huh. Formula. Diapers.
-...extra diapers,
-his favorite Binky.
-Come on.
Let's go, let's go. (grunts)
(mutters mockingly)
(grunts)
And now we cut
through the glass with my...
Diapers?
What?
You've got to be kidding
with me.
(Minions whimpering,
speaking Minionese)
Hey, guys. Guys.
Guys? Guys.
Guys, where is the other bag,
with my gear?
Ah, in le balloon.
-(Gru gasps)
-PHIL: Ah, uh...
Oops. (laughs)
(speaks Minionese)
What? How...
(grunts, groans)
All right, all right.
Let's see what I got in here.
Uh... come on.
-Come on, come on, come on.
-(sniffs, groans)
Aha.
(grunts)
Thank you.
-(chuckles)
-Easy peasy.

(grunting)
(Gru Jr. giggling)
(grunts) Huh?
(both gasp)
-(keys jingling)
-(grumbling quietly)
(whispers):
That's Mr. Friendly.
(whimpering)
(grunts)
No, no, no, no, no!
(gasps)
(gasps)
(Mr. Friendly grumbling)
Whew.
(both grunt)
-(yelps, grunts)
-(blows raspberry)
Ha, ha, ha. (blows raspberry)
(all panting)
POPPY:
That's Dr. Destructo.
He was just a kid.
And there's Killer Driller's
original helmet.
Come on. Stay focused.
-(snaps fingers)
-Diaper.
(grunting)
(groans)
I need something like...
-something that I can...
-How about this?
Nice.
(lock clicks)
Yes! (squeals excitedly)
(gasps) We're in.
GRU:
Wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
Baby powder.
Ah, si, si. Yeah.
Whoa.
You know, the most important
part of a heist
is being constantly aware
of potential danger.
-PHIL: Le baby!
-(gasps)
La la! Tiramisu!
No, no! Le baby! Komay le!
-No. Junior.
-(Minions gasping, whimpering)
Junior, come back here.
(coos)
-(grunts)
-So, what's your plan now?
I am dealing with it. (gasps)
(giggling)
(Gru groans in frustration)
Don't touch anything.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no!
(all gasp)
(laughs) Good job, Junior.
Way to go. (groans)
(laughing)
Aw, he's having fun.
Eh, too much fun.
(speaking Minionese)
-Ah, stoppa.
-Blah, blah, blah.
Please, Junior, Daddy needs
to steal a honey badger.
Whew. Okay.
I know they keep Lenny here
at night.
And if memory serves,
there is a hidden switch
around here somewhere.
Ah. Aha.
-(clanking)
-Yes.
(creaking)
(gasps)
BOTH:
Ooh.
(laughs)
(snoring softly)
I'll hit him with this.
Once he's knocked out,
we'll open the cage.
That fuzzy demon will sleep
like a baby the whole...
(both gasp)
(cooing)
(yells, whimpers)
(Lenny snoring)
(sighs)
Okay, he's still asleep.
-(Lenny snarls)
-(Gru yells)
(screams)
-(Phil screaming)
-(Lenny snarling)
(Poppy gasps)
I tranked myself. (yelps)
-(laughing)
-GRU: Ow!
-(screaming)
-(Poppy gasps)
-(snarling viciously)
-POPPY: Hey! Hey!
(screams)
-Gru, what do we do?
-(whimpers)
No! (gasps)
(yells)
-(alarm blaring)
-Oh, no!
I ruined our heist.
(alarm continues)
What? Who dares?
(whirring)
(grunts)
Intruders!
(explosive whooshing)
Intruders!
-(growls)
-(yells)
(groans)
(screaming)
(growls)
(laughs)
-(snarls)
-Wake up! (gasps)
No!
(coos)
-(laughing)
-(Lenny panting)
-What?
-(Lenny yelps playfully)
(slurping)
Hmm.
(laughing)
Aw.
BOTH:
Aw.
(speaking Minionese,
smacking lips)
No. Nope.
-(distant shrieking)
-(frightened whimpering)
Come on. We have to go.
(panting)
(yelps, groans)
-(distant shrieking)
-(gasping)
Intruders, you messed
with the wrong principal.
(gasps) Here we go.
Come on. Come on.
(frantic whimpering, grunting)
(laughs, squeals happily)
-Go, go, go!
-(frantic whimpering continues)
-(Minion screams)
-(Gru Jr. squeals happily)
PRINCIPAL UBELSCHLECHT:
Come on! Come on!
Ooh, you won't get away
with this.
-(screams)
-(yells fiercely)
(screams)
(Minions whimpering frantically)
(tires squealing,
engine revving)
(Ron screaming)
-(gasping)
-(Gru grunts)
(panting)
-(sighs)
-(Poppy grunts)
Prepare to feel the wrath
of Ubelschlecht.
(gasps)
(yells fiercely)
(grunts)
Diaper rash cream.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Stop, stop, stop.
(screams)
Oh, dear.
(grunts)
Get back here, you!
I want my Lenny!

-(Gru groaning)
-(Minions panting)
How are we getting out of here?
Follow me.
Get in.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
(engine chugging)
-(yells)
-(all screaming)
Mr. Friendly!
Whoa!
(explosive whooshing)
(groans)
POPPY:
I have to say,
that was, without a doubt,
the coolest night of my life.
I can't believe
we actually pulled that off.
(chuckles)
Not gonna lie,
that was pretty fun.
RON:
Scusa. Scusa. (whimpering)
POPPY:
Thanks, Ron.
Whew. (speaks Minionese)
And thank you for everything.
Oh, and hey, don't worry.
Your secret is safe with me,
partner.
Thanks.
Good night.
(Gru Jr. coos)
Your dada did pretty good,
huh, Junior?
-(squeals, laughs)
-(chuckling)
(Minions chattering)
Hello, Maxime.
How's my favorite student?
You know, I think you and I
might be looking
for the same person,
and I know exactly where he is.
(laughing maniacally)
(laughing)
Thank you,
Principal Ubelschlecht.
We got him!
Valentina, to Mayflower!
-With pleasure.
-(dog barks)
(laughs)
Ah. Here we go.
(chuckles)
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
-It's all coming back to me.
-(laughter)
(panicked chatter in Minionese)
-(groans)
-GRU: Oops. Oh.
(chuckles) Okay.
See you later.
Say, "Bye, Mommy and Daddy."
Have fun at the club.
-Make good choices.
-(engine starts)
-Bye, guys.
-Goodbye.
Bye!
POPPY:
Hey, Cunninghams.
Um, hey, Poppy.
I heard our parents
are having a playdate--
which is adorable, by the way--
and I thought you might
want to hang out.
Oh. Yeah, sure. Come on in.
Let's get this party started,
people!
I like her.
Yeah, most people do.
-(laughter)
-Sweet.
So, have you guys ever seen
a honey badger?
(players grunting)
Whoa, okay. These guys
aren't messing around.
There are my favorite
new neighbors.
-Hi.
-I'm loving this whole vibe.
You two look like
a couple of pros.
(Lucy and Gru
chuckling awkwardly)
Yeah, but we're not. (chuckles)
Perry and the boys are waiting
for y'all on the court,
and we are hitting
the clubhouse.
And you're telling me where
you got that to-die-for outfit.
(sighs)
(grunts)
-(Gru whimpers)
-(groans)
Over here, Chet.
Hello.
(sighs):
Okay.
Skip, Chip, Chet.
Chet, Skip, Chip.
Hey there, fellas.
-Hello.
-How are you doing, Chet?
Okay. (chuckles, yelps)
(Perry chuckles)
Chet here is gonna show
us fellas how it's done.
Right?
Uh, hmm. (grunts)
Oh, I'm gonna smoke this guy.
(panting):
Okay.
(chuckles)
-(grunts)
-(yelps)
-(whistle blowing repeatedly)
-Huh?
-What the...
-(grunts "I don't know")
(whistles loudly)
Okay. Let's do this.
(whistles loudly)
Huh? You've got to be kidding.
(whistles loudly)
Okay, okay.
Better?
(blows whistle)
(grunts)
-PERRY: What?
-GRU: Hmm?
(grunts)
PERRY:
That doesn't count.
-And... oh! What?
-(blowing whistle repeatedly)
You can't just... (grunts)
This is ridiculous!
-(whistles loudly)
-Huh? (grunts)
(Ron grunting)
Ah. (speaks Minionese)
-(explosive bang)
-(Ron screams)
-(groaning)
-(gasps)
(chuckles) Thanks, Ron.
Hey, no! Oh, no!
(muffled shouting)
-(chattering wildly)
-(girls laughing)
EDITH:
Come and get it.
-Oh, it's so cute.
-Whoa.
This is the weirdest dog ever.
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it.

(gasps)
Well, hello, little one.
Is your daddy home?
Sorry. I'm not "stupposed"
to talk to strangers.
(chuckles):
Oh. I'm not a stranger.
Well, you look strange to me.
(groans)
MARGO:
Who is it?
I don't know.
But she's old
and smells like pickles.
(panting)
(sniffs)
(whimpering)
Okay, I'm coming.
(Poppy gasps)
Oh, no. Um...
-I'll be right back.
-(whimpering)
(Gru Jr. babbling)
Can I help you?
Well, I hope so.
I'm an old friend of Gru's.
Well, he's not here, so...
Oh, that's all right.
(girls yelp)
I'll wait.
(exhausted panting)
(whistle blows)
Huh? What? No!
-(whistles loudly)
-(yells, groans)
Whenever you're ready, Perry.
-(cell phone chimes)
-Um...
Hmm?
(gasps)
(quiet chatter, laughter)
Needless to say, Perry and I
are no longer welcome
on the island of O'ahu.
(laughs)
True story.
-(chuckles)
-GRU: Honey.
-Oh, thank goodness.
-It's the children.
-We have to go now.
-(gasps, gulps)
Oh.
Thanks. Bye.
-Our cover's blown.
-What?
-Call Silas.
-Oh, no.
(blowing whistle repeatedly)
(line ringing)
(beeping)
(chatter in Minionese)
-(yelling)
-(laughing)
(Minionese chatter continues)
(shouting in Minionese)
(laughter, whooping)
(frantic gasping)
Happy birthday to you.
(Minionese chatter continues)
(spits, groans)
(chuckles)
Ah. (clears throat)
-(alarm blaring)
-(gasps)
Gru's been compromised.
This is an emergency, people.
Retirement is officially over.
Assemble the Mega Minions.
(seagulls squawking)
(rapid beeping)
(gasps)
Pomodoro!
-(laughs)
-(seagulls screeching)
(munching loudly)
-(rapid beeping)
-(gasps)
Pomodoro!
(laughing)
(laughs)
Shooshta, shooshta,
shooshta, shooshta,
shooshta, shooshta, shooshta!
(bees buzzing)
Hey. (chuckles)
Bello, busy bee.
(gasps) Aw.
-(rapid beeping)
-(gasps, laughs)
Pomodoro!
(laughs)
(bellows)
-Yee-haw!
-(rapid beeping)
(gasping excitedly)
Pomodoro!
(chuckles)
Pomodoro!
-Yee-haw!
-(bellowing)
Yippa, yippa!
Huh?
Whoa. (laughs)
Yeah!
-(laughs)
-(rapid beeping)
Huh? (groans)
(grumbling)
So, your father
has been naughty.
Very naughty.
He took something of mine
that I desperately want back.
(all gasp)
(yells)
(both grunting fiercely)
Principal Ubelschlecht?
Ooh. I know you took my Lenny.
-Now, hand him over!
-Ow!
Ow. That... (chuckles)
-Actually very funny story.
-Zip it!
I don't want to hear
your excuses.
I'm here to teach you a lesson.
Let's go, tough guy.
(chuckling):
Okay.
I'm not going to fight
an old lady.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm gonna give you
a whupping
for the history books.
Whoa, whoa!
-(grunts)
-(Lucy gasps, yelps)
Take that!
-(Gru grunts, groans)
-(Lucy gasps)
(whimpers)
-Yeah, go!
-(Gru yelps)
Girls, look out! Over here!
-Everyone, get down!
-GIRLS: Gru!
(girls and Minions whimpering)
Hey, back off, lady.
(grunting)

(Gru yelling)
Stop it!
Let him go!
-Take that!
-(Minions yelling)
(babbling happily)
(laughing)
(grunting and groaning)
(continues laughing)
(chuckles)
Now we have to get in there
and find that baby.
-(clattering)
-What?
(laughing)
(gasps)
Oh! Jackpot, huh?
Ay, Maxime.
-This is too easy.
-(both laugh)
MAXIME:
Come here, little baby.
Come to Maxime.
Yes. Coochie-coochie...
-(screams) Oh!
-(yelps) Ay, Maxime.
-You little...
-(Gru Jr. fusses)
You are in big trouble.
-Gotcha!
-(yelps)
(grunting and groaning continue)
-(electrical crackling)
-(pained whimpering)
(panicked grunting)
(screaming)
-Whew.
-(all panting)
Wait. Where's the baby?
-Where's the baby?!
-(gasps)
Junior?
(Gru Jr. crying)
-(Ubelschlecht yells)
-(Lucy gasps)
GRU:
Lucy!
Go after the baby.
(gasps)
(aircraft whirring)
Maxime.
Say au revoir, Gru.
Oh, and don't worry.
He will be very happy
with his new daddy.
Right? Look at him.
-Oh, he loves his new daddy.
-(crying)
Junior!
(crying continues)
No!
-(tires squeal)
-Whoa!
Get in.
(grunts)
We've got a baby to save.
(tires squealing)
-(laughs) We got him!
-(Valentina laughing)
Oh, who is ready to become
a little roach?
-Ow! Let go!
-(Gru Jr. laughs, squeals)
Ow! Those are very sensitive.
Aah! You squirmy little...
-(liquid trickling)
-MAXIME: Oh!
-(giggles, coos)
-Ugh! Are you kidding me?
You got pee-pee
all over my ship.
(giggling)
Valentina, bring me
the Roachification Ray.
(giggles, gasps)

There they are.
I'm on it.
Here we go!
(laughing)
(screams)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
(yelps)
(whimpering)
-(radar pinging)
-What's that? (gasps)
(chuckles) Hello.
(groans) Gru!
Get me closer.
Almost there.
(grunts)
-Take them out!
-(Valentina chuckles)
-(Gru yelps, grunts)
-(Poppy screaming)
(both yelling)
(screams)
(grunts)
You're doing great!
(grunts)
Go get 'em, partner.
(screams, gasps)
(grunts)
(Valentina gasps)
(laughing)
(frightened whimpering)
(Gru screams)
Ay! I can't see!
(yelps)
(all screaming)
(whimpering)
(grunts, gasps)
(grunts)
(coughing)
Junior.
MAXIME:
(laughs) Don't worry, Gru.
The baby is fine.
See for yourself.
(Gru Jr. coos)
(gasps)
Oh, Junior.
And now he belongs to me.
Isn't that right, Maxime Jr.?
(Gru Jr. coos)
Together, we will wreak havoc,
cause mayhem
and have so much fun
doing it, huh?
(both laughing)
And best of all, he hates you!
He really does.
Let my son go.
No, I don't think so.
The fun is just about
to start, huh?
(laughing)
(screams, gasps)
(screams)
Oh, look at what a coward
your old daddy is, huh?
(Maxime laughing)
(gasping)
(laughing)
(yelps, screams)
(gasps)
-(gasps)
-(rumbling)
(Valentina screams)
(panting)
(growls)
You crossed the line, Maxime.
Now, give me my son.
I told you, he is my son now.
(gasping)
(yells)
(both grunting)
(gasps)
(grunts)
(grunts, laughs)
-Watch your step, Gru.
-(gasps, whimpers)
It's a doozy!
(laughs)
Too bad you can't fly, huh?
(grunting)
(Gru screaming)
-Let go!
-Ow!
(groaning)
(screaming)
(both grunting)
(gasps, grunts)
This ends now!
Say goodbye to Daddy.
(Gru Jr. chatters)
(gasps)
It's okay, Junior.
Dada loves you.
(laughs)
(Gru screaming)
(yelps, screams)
(Gru groaning, screaming)
(gasps)
(laughing)
(screams)
(gasps)
-(Maxime groaning)
-(thud)
Get back here.
Bad baby.
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Get off me, you demon! (groans)
You are going to feel
the wrath of...
(yells)
(gasps, whimpers)
(screams)
(laughs)
(screaming)
(groans, whimpers)
(screams)
(groans) Whoa.
(screams)
(groans)
(screams)
(pained whimper)
(grunts)
See? Not a scratch.
-Huh? Wha...?
-(cattle bellowing)
Salami!
(screams)
Pastrami!
(screams, whimpers)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
MINION:
Prosciutto!
-What? (coughs)
-Prosciutto!
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!
-Gross.
-(bees buzzing)
(panicked whimpering)
(sighs) Nice try. When I...
-(laughs)
-(Maxime whimpers)
-Antipasti. (chuckles)
-(camera clicks)
(chuckling)
-(tires squealing)
-(laughs): Oh!
-Gru! -Oh, Gru!
-You're here!
Junior! (laughs, whoops)
Yes!
-AGNES: Yay!
-EDITH: Holy cow!
-LUCY: Are you guys okay?
-MARGO: That was insane!
-(Lucy sighs)
-(Gru chuckles)
(Gru Jr. cooing)
Dada.
(gasps)
ALL:
Aw.
Aw. My boys.
-Dada.
-(Gru sniffles)
(crying): You know something,
today has been
a real roller coaster
of emotion.
-(whimpers)
-(Gru Jr. giggling)
(Minions chuckling)
Uh, Gru?
Can we go back home now?
All right. There you go.
-(gasps) Yay!
-(coos, babbles happily)
Thanks, Dr. Nefario.
(chuckles) Good as new.
No job too small or too mad.
(chuckles) Bye, then.
Bye.
(squeals happily)
Hey. You okay, sweetie?
(Agnes whimpers softly)
-GRU: Agnes!
-(gasps)
Someone's here to see you!
(panting)
(gasps)
Lucky?
(bleats)
Lucky!
-(Agnes laughing)
-(Lucky bleats)
Did you practice your tricks?
-(bleats)
-Okay, play dead.
(Lucky gasping)
(laughing):
Yay!
Ah, that was... disturbing.
-Yeah, little bit.
-AGNES: Lucky!
-(laughing)
-(bleating)
Hey, I'll, uh...
I'll be back soon.
-Oh. Okay.
-Mwah.
There's something
I need to take care of.
Mwah.
See you later, buddy.
Love you, honey.
Da-da-da. (giggles)

(sighs heavily)
How you doing, Maxime?
(sighs)
What are you doing here, Gru?
You came to gloat, no?
Gloat? No, no, no, no. I just...
I wanted to get something
off my chest.
-(scoffs)
-And it concerns
the ninth grade talent show.
Well, actually...
-I did steal your song.
-What?
I knew it!
I knew there was no coincidence.
You little liar!
(grunting)
Well?
Well, what?
-Well, where's my apology?
-Apol...
What are you talking about?
I just apologized.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, that was no apology.
You just wanted to rub it in.
I can't believe
you stole my song.
Hey, I only did that
to get back at you
for pantsing me
at the homecoming dance.
-(chuckles)
-Besides,
you could've gone on after me.
It is not my fault
that you were afraid.
Afraid because I killed it!
Afraid? Ha!
I could outsing you
any day of the week
and all day Sunday.
(laughs)
I'd like to see that.
Anytime, anyplace.
You name it, mon ami.
("Everybody Wants
to Rule the World" playing)
(quiet chatter)
(laughing excitedly)
Oh, yeah.
Welcome to your life
Aah!
There's no turning back
Aah!
Even while we sleep
Oh, come on!
We will find you
-Act...
-...ing on your
Best behavior
Turn your back
on Mother Nature
Everybody wants
to rule the world
-Yes!
-Woo-hoo! Yeah!
-(cheering)
-(dog barking)
(groans)
It's my own design
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
-It's my own remorse
-(laughing)
-Let's boogie!
-Help me
(muffled):
To decide
(Minions whooping, hollering)
Help me make the most
of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
-Everybody
-(laughs) -Yeah!
-Wants to rule the world
-Whoo! -Ha-ha!
There's a room where
the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls
come tumbling down
When they do,
I'll be right behind you
So glad we've almost made it
SILAS (singing along):
So sad they had to fade it
Pom-pom, pom-pom
Tra-la, la-la-la
Everybody wants
to rule the world
Say that you'll never, never,
never, never need it
One headline,
why believe it?
Everybody wants
to rule the world
MINION:
Woo-hoo!
All for freedom
-And for pleasure
-(Gru Jr. laughing)
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to
Rule the world.
-(song ends)
-GRU: Oh, yeah.
(snoring)
(startled grunting)
Bello?
Bello!
(whimpers)
(grunting)
(repeated banging and grunting)
(grunts fiercely)
(laughing, whooping)
(screams)
(alarm blaring)
(whimpers)
RALPH:
Oh, strudel.
("Double Life"
by Pharrell Williams playing)
(screaming)
-Hey, what are you hiding?
-(laughing)
Whatcha doing when you gone?
(screams, shouts in Minionese)
Nothing wrong being private
Make sure it ain't wrong
-Your life double-sided
-(electrical humming)
-Two-faced like coins
-Huh?
-(grunts, laughs)
-What side do I get?
-Which side are you on?
-(shouts in Minionese)
-So what have you done?
-(electrical crackling)
-Some of your dirt
-(whooping)
-Has come to light
-Oh?
Why were you
-Speeding up that hill
-(gasps)
-Until the brakes came off?
-(sneezes)
(groans)
And someone saw you
in a fight
-(blowing)
-Am I right?
-(belches thunderously)
-(screaming)
(laughing)
It doesn't matter to you
if you get heads or tails
-(shouts angrily in Minionese)
-(screams, high-pitched yell)
You just don't like to flip
-All the time
-(chuckling)
-(giggling, grunting)
-But if you spin it
Then you get to see
both sides
Oh, the thrill
of the double life
Uh, whoops.
-Lie detector time
-(chuckling)
(screams, whimpers)
Do you feel bad
when you lie?
-The look on your face says
-(chattering)
"The best life"
And then come home
like it's fine
-Am I right?
-(excited chatter)
I know you heard the rumors
-You must get over to it
-(excited chatter)
-Right away
-(all grunt)
-If anyone can do it
-(whimpers, shouts)
-You gotta get there soon
-(laughing)
It's not okay
You got cars to drive
Plenty jets to fly
-When will you arrive?
-(panicked grunting)
-You're running outta time
-(screams)
Don't you see that
Everything is on the line?
-Hmm. Okay, come in.
-So I'm sorry
But you have to
choose a side
-Bello.
-(frantic yelling)
You never know
when it's your time to go
-(grunting wildly)
-It's now or never
-(exhausted panting)
-On this everything rides
(laughing)
-Before the spinning stops
-No. No, no, no. (screams)
You must pick a side
Ooh. (munches loudly)
Who will you be tonight?
That's the question
Who will Gru be tonight?
(yelling)
That's the question
-The double life.
-(song ends)
-(gasps, whimpers) Uh, uh-oh.
-(rumbling)
(all screaming)
(sighs)

(grunting)
(yelps, screams)

(whimpering, yelling)

(munching loudly)
(gasps, screams)
(seagull screeches)

(seagull squawking)
(grumbles)
(groans)

(grunting)
(grunting, panting)
(gasping frantically)

(grunts)
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah.
(sighs)
Ooh-la-la.
(grunting)
(straining)

(Minion vocalizing melody)
(vocalizing stops)

Hey-hey! Bello! (chuckles)
(stammers)
Oh. (laughing nervously)
(laughing trails off)

(whistling melodically)
(whistling fades)


(grunting)

(music fades)
(snoring)
-(grunts)
-(whimpers)
-(shouting frantically)
-(laughing)