Dick Dynamite: 1944 (2023) Movie Script
1
(Screams)
Los! Los!
Put her with the others.
(Screams)
(Crying)
Please don't kill them
Was?!
Who in FUCK said that?!
Was?!
It was you.
(Groaning)
Don't kill them.
Well...
I don't know about you but...
that sounded rather like...
an order.
Come on!
Put them in the chamber!
(Door Slams)
(Chuckles)
(Machine Whirling Up)
Oh!
Watch this!
It's always my Favourite bit.
(Maniacal Sniggering)
(Yelps)
(Screams)
Nicole!
(Screams)
Nein!
Nicole!
Let her go!
Nicole!
(Screams)
(Whimpering)
(Zombie Snarls)
Do you still want us not to kill
the children?
Do something
they are nearly upon us.
(Zombie snarls)
What?!
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me
(Laughs)
Ok.
You two
with me!
Men!
Kill the children.
You may laugh now
But there is a man
A legend
He will tear you apart from your
anus to your sack
A man born with balls so big
they thought it was twins
He's capable of bringing down
your precious Reich with one
smush of his fist.
The man.
The legend.
DICK DYNAMITE.
Isla flee!
Raus!
Fuck off!
You killed my men!
Now
I fuck you!
Go ahead Americunt!
Make
mein tag!
Tag
you're it!
It's excelent weather for dying
Or not to die
You...
you can't do this!
We're Americans!
We Americans take no shit!
and if you think you're gonna
get away with this...
Guards!
You're wrong!
Isla: Shoot this pig shit swine!
(Maniacal laughter)
Look at them all lined
up like that.
I guess that's why
they call it...
death row.
hahahaaa
You Germans aren't known
for your sense of humor.
My jokes however
are perfectly executed.
Sorry about what happened to
your boyfriend...
He had a na(sty headache)
What's the matter Neilson...
Your wife not washed your pants
since Manchuria?
That was a long time ago Dick
and if it wasn't for me
you'd still be pig-deep
in ballshit
from the Kwantung.
Still beats being a room mate
of baldy here.
His farts could be bottled and
sold as a weapon to the Nazi's.
Well it's good to see you've
still got a sense of humor Dick.
Even the night before
your execution.
Since when did killing Germans
become a crime?
That and a fuck tonne
of other shit
PROCTOR!
The mutilation
of Joseph Mengele's genitals.
Three counts of unnecessary and
ultra-violent torture.
In one instance...
sewing a certain Colonel Wagners
rectum shut...
and feeding him his own
guard dogs.
Dick
we are offering you the deal
of a lifetime.
We're gonna send you on
a death-defying mission
that's going to overture your
court martial.
Needless to say
this conversation never
happened...
and if you make it back from
said mission
Your record will be wiped clean
and there will be no more
catalog of these heinous crimes.
Isn't that right Dr. Proctor?
Well I have no recollections
of any such events ever having
taken place.
(THUD!)
Personally Dick...
I'd like to thank you.
I think your actions are quite
commendable.
The sheer...
volume of your fatalities
it does wonders for our
troops moral.
If it were up to me
I'd give you a fucking medal.
And what if I say no?
It's a death sentence
either way.
Oh and uh...
Dick
If you get to split Eva Braun
in two...
Just promise me a sniff
of your fingers.
What about me?!?
I landed behind enemy lines
without a parachute.
That mother fucker can't
even fight sleep.
Smell my fingers mother fucker.
I already fucked Eva Braun.
EAT SHIT!!!
Dick Dynamite
I'm agent Steele.
Sheesh that's a hell
of a handshake.
This here
is officer Wakoffski.
It's Wakowski.
If you don't mind gentlemen time
is of the fucking essence.
Pardon my French.
Our intelligence team recently
intercepted this film canister.
Many people died to
bring us this.
What you're seeing here is
the Nazis top secret blueprints
for what we are calling -
the Uber Bomber.
Also known as...
We believe the Nazis are
constructing the biggest jet
propelled plane
the world has ever seen.
Capable of flying long
range distances
the Uber Bomber can easily make
it to the East Coast
and is carrying a payload
capable
of flattening Manhattan.
Due to an increase in enemy
activity just a few miles
from here
British intelligence indicates
that the enemy bomber
is being constructed along
the Austrian/German border
where we will drop you
and your team.
Unfortunately we can make our
move until we have solid proof.
That's why we are sending in you
and your team comprising of...
First up, the Alabama arsonist -
Napalm Jeff.
Next up The loud arse
mouth-piece that is Franky
Jenetti, also know as 'Brooklyn.
son of the notorious prohibition
gangster Vinnie Jenetti
he picked up his skills with
a Tommy Gun at the age of six
Ruthlessly mowing down in cold
blood the con artist known as
Garry Crease.
Then we've got Tam 'The Bam'
Tamson, the mad Scots Brigadier.
A vile rat of a man who
specializes in torture tactics.
Although one whiff of his breath
is usually enough to do the job.
Next up
Doctor Raymond Kirby
also known as 'Doc'.
Doc won a Victoria cross for
stapling Prince Edwards foreskin
back on during the battle
of Somme.
Next up...
Lucas from Tucas.
Mad as an otter but put a knife
in his hands and he thinks he's
Leonardo Da-fuckin' Vinci.
and lastly...
Mother-Fucker.
Despite having a high IQ of over
165 he possesses two words in
his vocabulary.
'Mother'...
and 'fucker'.
Dick Dynamite... you and your
dirty-half-a-dozen are gonna
escort Wakoffski to the site
to get concrete evidence
of the bomber and back again
before you can say Adolf's
your auntie.
At oh-eight hundred hours, we're
going to drop you sausage-side
where you are to liase with
British agent
and defer all command to him.
The project is being overseen by
a one 'Maximillion Stacker'
When it comes to unusurped
violence -
he is Hitlers right hand man
almost acting like his own
personal Rottweiler.
That was the good news...
NOW
Listen up for the bad news
Get this
we believe that tomorrow...
is gonna be dick-day
If you don't already know
there is a rogue group
of German snipers
already operating in that area
referring to themselves
as 'The Black Wolf'.
These sick bastards collect body
parts as trophies
and swap cigarettes as part
of the sick competition.
Every day of the week...
they target a different limb
Last time
we had over 16 casualties
in the area
All of them died as a result
of their pain inflicted penises.
What a way to go.
The group are lead by the most
dangerous sniper in Europe -
known as 'Mutti'.
During a stand off with one
of our top commandos
he managed a one in
a million shot
straight through
the snipers barrel
exploding the snipers round
burning off his flesh.
ladies & gentlemen, that
concludes our mission briefing.
Now let's start a war!
In English please?
Aufweidersen pet.
Step right up, step right up
ladies and genitals
and place your fucking
bets right here!
You fuckin' ugly mooleys.
Can I owe you 30 bucks?'
Brooklyn?
Make it sixty with a signed
naked picture of Rita Hayworth
and you got yourself
a fuckin deal, Fucko.
(Hustling crowd chatter)
Every fucking time!
Up next, what we got,
is this fine specimen of a man.
This is Jimmy Johnson.
Come on!
Get in close with the right!
Ok in his spare time Jimmy here
He likes to milk cows.
And the horses
(Laughter)
Sick fuckin' bastard.
He's an animal lover what
can I say!?
Jimmy Johnson everybody!
(Crowd Cheering)
I'll kick his fucking ass if
you can't do it.
Get that Nazi scum bastard.
Come on! Get his ass! Come on!
Yes!
Get this mother fucker!
(Crowd booing)
I hate fucking Nazis!
Whats up Doc?
Me Dick...
been up for four days straight
on some Nazi crank we pulled off
some dead soldiers
shits getting a little weird.
Whats the sit rep down here?
Well Brookylns got dollar
eyes for signs
he's found some Aryan-Ape that
ain't gonna do down easy.
We'll see about that.
Nobody fucks with Dick Dynamite.
Quit your fuckin' hollering.
Up next,
the next fighter to enter
the....
oh shit.
Fuck him up let's go let's
go let's go!
Pound his fuckin' ass!
Yeah!
Stick your dick in his
fuckin' ass!
Rip his face off!
Smash that fuckin' Nazi cunt!
You mother fucker!
You cock sucker!
My mother hits harder than that!
(Crowd Boos)
C'mon bitch.
Please.
(Crowd cheering)
Ok
Ok
for fuck sake.
Fuck you!
Alright
just one fucking minute.
I knew you were gonna
fucking win
I fucking knew it!
Gear up,
we move out at oh six hundred.
Fuck!
Fuck you!
That will be five bucks
for a picture of my Mumma.
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
(Siren)
(indistinct chatter
and hilarity)
(indistinct radio chatter)
(indistinct chatter)
That's right Doc!
you find me one of those
aryan dames...
I'm gonna spray ya with so
many bullet holes
and FUCK EM!
and my man juice comes flying
out them bullet holes.
Never mind bullet holes
your dick ain't big enough to
fuck her ear holes.
(Everyone laughs)
Oh you laugh now
wait till later
all you mother fuckers be sayin
"Oh Lucus from Tucus
let me get some of that action
we want them bullet holes too!".
(Laughter)
Don't you worry Wakoffski
we'll be finished with her
real quick.
and then
you'll be able to
(POP)
pop that cherry of yours
while she's still nice and
fuckin warm.
That's
mighty fine of you fellas to
offer, but...
no thank you
I will... not be partaking in
any such activities.
THE FUCK YOU SAY FOUR EYES?
sayin' our sloppy seconds ain't
good enough for you?
That's right book worm
you'll fuck a guard dog if
we tell you.
Even if it means pushing your
pimply little white ass.
Ladies!
knock off this macho bullshit!
and prepare for jump!
For your information
I popped my cherry back in
sophomore.
MAYDAY!
MAYDAY!
Shitbird Express going down
repeat
going down.
Brace for impact,
we're going to crash land!
Doc!
Give me a head count...
NOW!
I think he's a goner.
TAM!
TAM!
He's done for Dick
we need to lickity
split the sack
NOW!
We'll have to make a run for it.
Fucker.
Come on
let's go!
Hault!
So...
the Schotlander has been shot.
Tell me!
Is it true what they say about
you people?
You know!
That you don't wear any...
unterhosen.
This is something which has
fascinated me for years.
SCHEISS GRANATE!
I thought the other guy was
Dick Dynamite haha.
(Explosion)
Tell me the good news
Herr Sturmitz.
There will not be one brain left
in Europe to work for us.
In order to have the island
fully operational within
the week
We have had to draught in
the help of a certain
Mikhail Leznik.
What have I told you about
working with Russian defectors?
The smell is unbearable.
I can smell the rotten
potato from here.
BUT SIR!
Who is this Fotze.
Colonel Shtacker this is
Professor Mikhail Leznik.
I am the genius behind
the vile and cruel experiments
that will cause even your fecal
matter to curdle.
I'm shitzen in my hosen...
Mikhail.
Even though the Russian
technology is superior to
the German war machine.
Together we can make positive,
for bringing death to the U.S
of America, a reality.
For someone who proclaims to
have such superiority in
the field of technology
I wonder why you people simply
over look personal hygiene.
And your breath...
(Sniffs)
As if you were
sucking the cock of Stalin
and forgot to brush your teeth.
This I find amusing
Not so much.
REJOICE!
and crack out the vodka
and say
dosvidaniya!
You're mistaken
dosvidaniya means goodbye.
In Deutschland we say
auf wiedersehen.
Now...
Now this...
I find very amusing.
(Chuckles)
(Maniacal laughter)
Find me a reliable scientist
it is not exactly rocket
surgery.
(Sneezes)
YOU KEEP THAT SHIT UP GOOSIN US
I'LL THROW IN THE FRONLINE SCREAMIN
JUDEN!
JUDEN!
JUDEN!
FUCKIN ASS WIPE!
Uh jeez
I...
I'm so sorry..
it's...
it's my allergies
I...
I really gotta watch my hygiene.
What you know about hygiene?
Tell me this
How come
the more you wash the tip
of your dick
The worst it smells
You tell me that
Mr Smarty Pants.
The more you wash the tip
of your dick the worse it
smells?...
what?
See you don't know shit
for brains.
Most important mission yet,
they said.
Take some pictures, they said.
Yeah...
escorted by a walking bicep
bunch of
backwards
red neck
Retards!
What's going on?
Mother
fucker!
YOU ASSHOLES!
YOU JUST SHOT A LITTLE GIRL!
Murdering bastards...
She was a defenceless child.
I don't know if you noticed from
back fucking there
but up here!
she was like a wild fucking dog
and she needed put down.
What would Cairnie
think now huh?
You want me to take a picture
of this?
Barbarians...
The whole lot of you.
You're just a bunch
of friggin...
(Yelp)
(Yelp)
(Yelp)
Kill it...
Kill it with what ever you got!
We must've put enough lead in
her to take down a fuckin'
elephant.
And yet a single shot to
the head was all it took to take
her down.
LUCAS!
WAKOFFSKI
FULL PARTY SWEEP OF THE AREA.
see if there's any more of them.
Buckle up sweetheart.
What the hell are they?
(Sniff sniff)
Come, come,
hurry up and get on with it.
Colonel Shtacker has insisted
that I witness some sort
of vulgar display of power
hmm
Meine Damen
bitte.
What?
What is this?
Colonel Shtacker will have your
garners for guts.
It was Shtacker himself
who sent you to us.
NOW!
HOLD STILL!
But should you flinch
then
you are in for a shit fuck
world of pain.
NOW!
THE SERUM!
Steady yourself child.
brace yourself.
Now Stefan...
We just fucking wait.
But what if the experiment does
not go as planned?
Then we ditch the bitches body
and the old spunk bugger
Schtacker
never needs to fucking know.
Need...
To know...
What?
Wilhelm.
You will need to know...
how quickly we can turn
around this
Fresh batch of serum.
According to my calculations...
oh...
in about
(Screams)
(Chuckles)
You were saying?
Scientifically
we are on the verge
of a real break through here
if you would just allow
more time
for equipment
checks...
Few...
Dr Arbietz
You are now in command
see that it is ready for human
consumption by...
This time tomorrow.
Do not...
Fail me.
As you wish
Colonel Shtacker.
Report to my office
Both of you.
(Maniacal laughter)
You go round the building here
Just watch out for...
(Wolf Whistle)
Pardon me boys
so rude of me to interrupt.
So you must be the British prick
that Eagle told us about.
The name's Dalton
Dash Dalton.
I heard of you
You're responsible
for the deaths of hundreds
of innocents civilians in India
Yes. It's true.
Carry on like that out
the Kyber,
might finally put some hairs
on your tiny bollocks
ho ho ho ho ho.
Let's say we take a knee
and discuss le plan of action.
Right...
well at nineteen hundred hours
that's 7 o'clock yankee time
I'm going to need some help
to infiltrate and go undercover
to some swanky time bar.
Is he for real?
Rumour has it that it will be
full of floosies and big bollock
Nazi SS officers.
Once inside, we'll hopefully get
in touch with our
secret contact.
Then... we will receive
the where abouts
of the manufacturing plant
that's housing the America
bomber.
Sure...
Sounds simple
Waltz into a circle jerk of top
brass krauts
receive our tip off,
and go totally unnoticed
That's the spirit, Dick.
That's the spirit, Dick.
(DOOF)
A sense of humour as well as
a sense of adventure.
You know what old Dash Dalton
says at a time like this?
LET'S KILL SOME JERRYS
AND SHAG SOME BIRDS
HIYAAAA!!!!
Dash...
Hat.
Bastard.
Ahh...
I do beg you pardon.
hmm.
no
Christ.
A Nazi party
My Favourite.
I think I see our contact
I'd recognise her anywhere.
I'd recognise that derriere
anywhere.
I think I found the floosie
I'll just say that password.
(hmmf)
(Complains in German)
That's some password.
Go rest your thumbs at the bar
I'll scout for little Miss
butter arse.
Tonic wine
On the rocks.
Bonsoir mon amour.
Excuse moi.
Jennings, meet Dick.
If this insufferable tit doesn't
get us all killed
I'll kill him myself.
Look lady
We just need one thing.
The location of that bomber.
Good luck with that...
the only one who knows where
that is,
is that twat stain over there
Maximillion Schtacker.
Schtacker?
The most dangerous man
in the Reich.
Put your practice to good use
and you can suck it out
of his cock.
I should shoot you right now.
(Scoffs)
What I want you to do
is slip him this drink.
That will get him talking.
What the blazes is that?
Nazi crank
You'll have to shoot him to
shut him up.
Wow.
Bottoms up.
Bastard.
Don't mind if I do.
Bollocks!
big black bollocks.
The ghoulish git's Rogered
things up.
Why don't you come upstairs and
tell me all about it.
hmmmm
Excuse me
I have to go expel urine from
my bladder.
Remember dear Richard
two shakes is more than a wank.
(Chuckles)
You dirty bastard.
Gentlemen.
Piss...
Piss on a stinking shit.
(indistinct chatter)
Can I help you?
I'm just checking you're
not Jewish.
Well I hope I passed your
penis inspection.
Don't!
Forget to wash your hands.
Fuck
The great plague was a direct
result of poor hygiene.
Remind me of your name
one more time
because...
I don't recall seeing you
on the guest lists.
The name's Dynamite.
huh?
Dick Dynamite.
Come my dear.
We have much to talk about.
Is that so?
and...
what would you like to
talk about?
Now that I think about it...
I should just like to cock-fuck
your mouth.
Oh...
My favourite.
You know...
This tastes a little like...
Come here my little Schonheiten.
Ahhh that's it, next time I see
Jennings I'm going to confess my
fucking love to her.
Oh I love you.
I don't recall you
liking seafood.
Dash, he's upstairs,
I think he's ready to talk.
It will take a real man to
finish the job
please extract the information.
For you dear
I'd do anything.
For Queen and for Country.
Out of my way
nincompoop!
Right you bastard.
Don't lose your head.
(German demanding)
What seems to be the problem?
This woman is accused
of being a spy.
If this woman is a spy,
then I'm Laurel and Hardy.
Let me see your papers.
Let me see,
my papers are right...
Here!
(Sceams)
You pair of plonkers have
cocked up my cover.
You'll have to take me with you.
Well...
You did promis to kill Dalton.
Nazi bastard,
I wanted to do that for years.
My heart bleeds.
So does his.
Did you get the information?
Yes, of course I've got it...
I know where the bloody
well bomber is!
Come on
let's go.
What happened to Schtacker?
He tapped out.
Christ.
(complains in German)
Sturmnitz?
DYNAMITE!
Well?
Security is tighter than a bulls
arse during fly season.
You guys sit tight.
I will find another way to
flush them out.
Roger that.
(Radio chatter)
Mother
Fucker.
Never mind the bloody
well pictures
we can not let that thing
get airbourne
Now come on everyone, let's go.
Little bastard.
Come on!
Come on little man
You done fuck with the big
boys now.
Yes...
COME ON!
(German shouting)
(screaming)
Bastard!
(German Radio communications)
"Deiter come in Deiter"
Deiter
HEY!
(screams)
Shoot him!
Nein.
Shoot them all.
(Alarm sounding)
(Alarm stops)
(screaming)
Come on
the coast is clear.
Ouch.
Thanks for killing twirly
stick man.
The pleasure is all mine.
Fucking do it.
If it's breakfast and a blowy
you're looking for,
you can see one of your rim
sniffing colleagues for that.
I could do with a full English.
Yeah, well you can see your pal
Dalton for that.
(German Radio chatter)
Jeff!
take point
an explosion that size...
the payload may not
have detonated
(Whistles)
I believe I found us a quick
way outta here.
That's a U.S truck
how did they get that?
They just whacked the driver.
Give me that before you get
someone killed.
What am I suppose to do?
Blind them to death with my
camera flash?
Take this
it's a purse.
Ok here's what we do.
Split the team in two
and we'll flank them.
But first we need a diversion.
I think I might of just found
one my little cock-a-leekie.
That fellow must have glands
of pure steel.
What the fuck?
(German shouting)
ahh
My favourite.
Give it here!
We lost a lot of good fucking
men on this bastarding mission.
Here's to Doc
and Tam the Bam...
and now Tucas
(German shouting)
(German radio communication)
(German radio communication)
Who are you waving at?
Those nice gentlemen on
the motorbikes, look.
They're not on our side
are they?
Right you...
Ohhh
Hello my lovely, ho haw haw.
Piss off puss face.
Aim for the bike, not the rider.
Wooo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Fuck you asshole.
Don't pat your flaps
just yet boys
there's more of the bastards.
Where?
There!
Argh!
Stop the truck!
Come on!
What are you doing?
Come on Wakowski!
(Yelps)
GO!
GO!
Are you ok?
Hey Sarge uh
you still got that uh
that big gun?
You mean this one?
oh
It's not as big as his.
As who's?
That guy.
OH FUCK!
Right you
OH!
Bastard.
This is as far as we
go tit shits.
LYRICS: you're gonna die
everybody's gonna die
can't you realize
that you're gonna die
YOU'RE
YOU'RE
YOU'RE GONNA DIE
EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY'S GONNA DIE
You're gonna die
(Snarling)
Mother
fucker!
No
no
no
no
no
The chemical infection has no
effect on the body at all...
The brain however
They go down quicker than
a Tayside trollop.
Oh Christ, that's a doozy.
I'm afraid the bite's too close
to the main artery
it's going to increase
the spread of the infection.
The fuck are they?
Vampires?
This is just a mere side effect
of the weapon onboard
that bomber.
Seem to know a hell of a lot
more than you are telling us
asshole.
That's why the British
government's so interested
in this.
We can steal this technology and
use it against them.
If we knew what kind of twisted
bullshit you were up to
I would of told you where to
shove your mission.
Bloody Yankees have never won
a war on your own...
(High pitched squealing)
ohhhhh
ohhh oh ohhhhh
ohhh ohhhhh
(grunting and snarling)
You're one
Ugly...
Mother
Fucker!
Come!
Herr Dynamite
surrender
You are not only out numbered
but out gunned
Throw down your weapons
and we will treat your with
the respect
such a worthy adversary
deserves.
What the fuck?
He can't be fucking serious
Dick don't do it.
Surrender?
Sounds like a great idea.
Fuck!
SO WHICH ONE OF YOU CUNTS
SHOT DOWN MY BOMBER?
Well...
It was a rhetorical question you
complete Kartofel Fotze.
You complete arschlechs
Foiled the biggest attack ever
to hit the shores of America
Thanks to you bunch of complete
fuck-shits
we were able to...
retrieve this little baby...
from the wreckage.
It is...
Die Heilung
the bargaining chip I need to
turn the course of this war
in my favour.
Unless you plan to stick that
up my ass...
do your worst.
perhaps later.
(German chatter)
What do you think they're doing
to Dick and the chick?
Knowing Dick, he's probably
putting his dick in a chick.
If one were to hazard a guess,
I'd say...
in a similar predicament
to ourselves...
in other words...
up a paddle without a creek.
DICK!
DICK!
DICK!
DICK!
DICK!
Where are we?
Those Nazi tosspots seem to have
brought us to some old church.
Well...
if it isn't Nosferatu
Funny you should say that
Dick Dynamite
for there will be some blood
about to be spilt.
What have you done with my men?
At this precise moment
your pitiful band of rebels are
about to be executed.
(German Chatter)
How about me and you
go right now?
Toe to fuckin' Toe
Man to man right here right
fucking now.
How about you put the fuckin'
gun down.
Ow!
You...
motherfucker!
Nazi fucking prick!
Any last words?
These are my last words.
I take comfort that this bullet
will not harm an innocent man
woman or child.
God bless my family.
God bless my enemy.
God bless America.
Full stop.
Another one bites down
on the dust.
You see...
aside from you...
(Gun shots)
And so...
I shall leave you
in the very capable hands
of
Fahig.
Before we say our
final farewells
I should like to leave you
a special
goodbye.
Promise
I'll kill you!
(Laughter)
Come on then
do your worst.
Don't you fucking touch her.
No
(whimpering)
(Whimpering)
NO!
NO!
NO!
(Screams)
NO!
(Screams)
NO!
(Screams)
JENNINGS!
JENNINGS!
NO!
(Screams)
NO!
(Screams)
(Maniacal Laughter)
(Laughter)
He is merely a child!
(Screams)
MASTER!
(Laughter)
(Moaning in pain)
(Maniacal Laughter)
Ahhh
Herr Dynamite
so glad you could join us
you're just in time to witness
the awesome power
of die Heilung.
Who would've thought that the
introduction of a chemical
so volatile
would have rendered one
under it's control
so much more...
(Laughs)
controllable.
After all
what use is a soldier
who does not recognise
his superiors.
Now...
my child
Kill Dick Dynamite!
Bravo!
Herr Dynamite...
Bravo!
You have just killed
an innocent child
in the eyes
of God.
(Laughter)
Told you I'd kill you.
With a touch of flair.
Halt
you will not touch Herr Dynamite
until I give the command.
Shtacker
tonight...
one of us dies.
Arschgeige!
What do you think this is?
some kind of movie!
In real life
the bad guy
always wins!
You bible bashing Nazi son
of a BITCH!
What's the difference
between Dick Dynamite
and a Russian whore?
About twenty bucks.
You can get one extra finger
in Dick.
Prost!
Let's kill this Fotze once
and for alles.
Folgen Mir!
Time...
to die.
You doing alright there Sarge?
Thanks Brooklyn.
Uh uh baby
you ain't got me to thank
Wakowski here...
well his balls just fucking
dropped.
You should of seen him
he went bat shit crazy
he went bat shit crazy
No
he went bat shit crazy
Grrrr
he went ball shit fuckin crazy.
he went ball shit fuckin crazy.
GET YOUR FUCKIN HANDS OF MY
CAMERA YOU NAZI FUCK!
GET YOUR FUCKIN HANDS OF MY
CAMERA YOU NAZI FUCK!
(Screams)
FUCK YOU!
YOU NAZI FUCK!
YOU WANT SOME TOO?
YOU SHOULDN'T OF FUCKED WITH ME
YOU SHOULDN'T OF FUCKED
WITH MEE!
What do we do now?
There's too many of those
fuckin' zombie creeps
we gotta go
NOW!
They pushed this fuckin'
peckerwood too fuckin' far
and what they got was a wild
fuckin' animal.
I love this fucking new
fucking guy.
Listen Dick!
we gotta get the fuck
outta here.
(Monk Master moans)
Come on Dick
it's time to go
go
GO!
Save your voice Master.
Those huns have been stockpiling
munitions...
Weapons
in our basement
they have enough ordnance
to stop a small army...
Dick Dynamite.
Make sure you...
Come on Dick...
it's time to go.
Our father
who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Please see that your hand guides
Dick Dynamite
on his path of righteous
retribution
upon his crusade against these
Unholy
abominations
and the masters who
created them.
May he never be overcome by evil
but be a force for good.
And Lord...
Punish those
BASTARDS
for their judgment
is nigh.
Dig in boys.
What the fuck is it with these
European broads and their hairy
fuckin' pits?
Hey Hey Heeey
check out the fucking size
of this mother fucker.
You know I...
I think Dicks is bigger.
Really Dick?
Burning books...
You know if you do that
you're no better than them.
No... I'm worse.
You guys go ahead.
I'll catch up.
Come on, let's get 'em.
(Screams)
Los! Los!
Put her with the others.
(Screams)
(Crying)
Please don't kill them
Was?!
Who in FUCK said that?!
Was?!
It was you.
(Groaning)
Don't kill them.
Well...
I don't know about you but...
that sounded rather like...
an order.
Come on!
Put them in the chamber!
(Door Slams)
(Chuckles)
(Machine Whirling Up)
Oh!
Watch this!
It's always my Favourite bit.
(Maniacal Sniggering)
(Yelps)
(Screams)
Nicole!
(Screams)
Nein!
Nicole!
Let her go!
Nicole!
(Screams)
(Whimpering)
(Zombie Snarls)
Do you still want us not to kill
the children?
Do something
they are nearly upon us.
(Zombie snarls)
What?!
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me
(Laughs)
Ok.
You two
with me!
Men!
Kill the children.
You may laugh now
But there is a man
A legend
He will tear you apart from your
anus to your sack
A man born with balls so big
they thought it was twins
He's capable of bringing down
your precious Reich with one
smush of his fist.
The man.
The legend.
DICK DYNAMITE.
Isla flee!
Raus!
Fuck off!
You killed my men!
Now
I fuck you!
Go ahead Americunt!
Make
mein tag!
Tag
you're it!
It's excelent weather for dying
Or not to die
You...
you can't do this!
We're Americans!
We Americans take no shit!
and if you think you're gonna
get away with this...
Guards!
You're wrong!
Isla: Shoot this pig shit swine!
(Maniacal laughter)
Look at them all lined
up like that.
I guess that's why
they call it...
death row.
hahahaaa
You Germans aren't known
for your sense of humor.
My jokes however
are perfectly executed.
Sorry about what happened to
your boyfriend...
He had a na(sty headache)
What's the matter Neilson...
Your wife not washed your pants
since Manchuria?
That was a long time ago Dick
and if it wasn't for me
you'd still be pig-deep
in ballshit
from the Kwantung.
Still beats being a room mate
of baldy here.
His farts could be bottled and
sold as a weapon to the Nazi's.
Well it's good to see you've
still got a sense of humor Dick.
Even the night before
your execution.
Since when did killing Germans
become a crime?
That and a fuck tonne
of other shit
PROCTOR!
The mutilation
of Joseph Mengele's genitals.
Three counts of unnecessary and
ultra-violent torture.
In one instance...
sewing a certain Colonel Wagners
rectum shut...
and feeding him his own
guard dogs.
Dick
we are offering you the deal
of a lifetime.
We're gonna send you on
a death-defying mission
that's going to overture your
court martial.
Needless to say
this conversation never
happened...
and if you make it back from
said mission
Your record will be wiped clean
and there will be no more
catalog of these heinous crimes.
Isn't that right Dr. Proctor?
Well I have no recollections
of any such events ever having
taken place.
(THUD!)
Personally Dick...
I'd like to thank you.
I think your actions are quite
commendable.
The sheer...
volume of your fatalities
it does wonders for our
troops moral.
If it were up to me
I'd give you a fucking medal.
And what if I say no?
It's a death sentence
either way.
Oh and uh...
Dick
If you get to split Eva Braun
in two...
Just promise me a sniff
of your fingers.
What about me?!?
I landed behind enemy lines
without a parachute.
That mother fucker can't
even fight sleep.
Smell my fingers mother fucker.
I already fucked Eva Braun.
EAT SHIT!!!
Dick Dynamite
I'm agent Steele.
Sheesh that's a hell
of a handshake.
This here
is officer Wakoffski.
It's Wakowski.
If you don't mind gentlemen time
is of the fucking essence.
Pardon my French.
Our intelligence team recently
intercepted this film canister.
Many people died to
bring us this.
What you're seeing here is
the Nazis top secret blueprints
for what we are calling -
the Uber Bomber.
Also known as...
We believe the Nazis are
constructing the biggest jet
propelled plane
the world has ever seen.
Capable of flying long
range distances
the Uber Bomber can easily make
it to the East Coast
and is carrying a payload
capable
of flattening Manhattan.
Due to an increase in enemy
activity just a few miles
from here
British intelligence indicates
that the enemy bomber
is being constructed along
the Austrian/German border
where we will drop you
and your team.
Unfortunately we can make our
move until we have solid proof.
That's why we are sending in you
and your team comprising of...
First up, the Alabama arsonist -
Napalm Jeff.
Next up The loud arse
mouth-piece that is Franky
Jenetti, also know as 'Brooklyn.
son of the notorious prohibition
gangster Vinnie Jenetti
he picked up his skills with
a Tommy Gun at the age of six
Ruthlessly mowing down in cold
blood the con artist known as
Garry Crease.
Then we've got Tam 'The Bam'
Tamson, the mad Scots Brigadier.
A vile rat of a man who
specializes in torture tactics.
Although one whiff of his breath
is usually enough to do the job.
Next up
Doctor Raymond Kirby
also known as 'Doc'.
Doc won a Victoria cross for
stapling Prince Edwards foreskin
back on during the battle
of Somme.
Next up...
Lucas from Tucas.
Mad as an otter but put a knife
in his hands and he thinks he's
Leonardo Da-fuckin' Vinci.
and lastly...
Mother-Fucker.
Despite having a high IQ of over
165 he possesses two words in
his vocabulary.
'Mother'...
and 'fucker'.
Dick Dynamite... you and your
dirty-half-a-dozen are gonna
escort Wakoffski to the site
to get concrete evidence
of the bomber and back again
before you can say Adolf's
your auntie.
At oh-eight hundred hours, we're
going to drop you sausage-side
where you are to liase with
British agent
and defer all command to him.
The project is being overseen by
a one 'Maximillion Stacker'
When it comes to unusurped
violence -
he is Hitlers right hand man
almost acting like his own
personal Rottweiler.
That was the good news...
NOW
Listen up for the bad news
Get this
we believe that tomorrow...
is gonna be dick-day
If you don't already know
there is a rogue group
of German snipers
already operating in that area
referring to themselves
as 'The Black Wolf'.
These sick bastards collect body
parts as trophies
and swap cigarettes as part
of the sick competition.
Every day of the week...
they target a different limb
Last time
we had over 16 casualties
in the area
All of them died as a result
of their pain inflicted penises.
What a way to go.
The group are lead by the most
dangerous sniper in Europe -
known as 'Mutti'.
During a stand off with one
of our top commandos
he managed a one in
a million shot
straight through
the snipers barrel
exploding the snipers round
burning off his flesh.
ladies & gentlemen, that
concludes our mission briefing.
Now let's start a war!
In English please?
Aufweidersen pet.
Step right up, step right up
ladies and genitals
and place your fucking
bets right here!
You fuckin' ugly mooleys.
Can I owe you 30 bucks?'
Brooklyn?
Make it sixty with a signed
naked picture of Rita Hayworth
and you got yourself
a fuckin deal, Fucko.
(Hustling crowd chatter)
Every fucking time!
Up next, what we got,
is this fine specimen of a man.
This is Jimmy Johnson.
Come on!
Get in close with the right!
Ok in his spare time Jimmy here
He likes to milk cows.
And the horses
(Laughter)
Sick fuckin' bastard.
He's an animal lover what
can I say!?
Jimmy Johnson everybody!
(Crowd Cheering)
I'll kick his fucking ass if
you can't do it.
Get that Nazi scum bastard.
Come on! Get his ass! Come on!
Yes!
Get this mother fucker!
(Crowd booing)
I hate fucking Nazis!
Whats up Doc?
Me Dick...
been up for four days straight
on some Nazi crank we pulled off
some dead soldiers
shits getting a little weird.
Whats the sit rep down here?
Well Brookylns got dollar
eyes for signs
he's found some Aryan-Ape that
ain't gonna do down easy.
We'll see about that.
Nobody fucks with Dick Dynamite.
Quit your fuckin' hollering.
Up next,
the next fighter to enter
the....
oh shit.
Fuck him up let's go let's
go let's go!
Pound his fuckin' ass!
Yeah!
Stick your dick in his
fuckin' ass!
Rip his face off!
Smash that fuckin' Nazi cunt!
You mother fucker!
You cock sucker!
My mother hits harder than that!
(Crowd Boos)
C'mon bitch.
Please.
(Crowd cheering)
Ok
Ok
for fuck sake.
Fuck you!
Alright
just one fucking minute.
I knew you were gonna
fucking win
I fucking knew it!
Gear up,
we move out at oh six hundred.
Fuck!
Fuck you!
That will be five bucks
for a picture of my Mumma.
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
(Siren)
(indistinct chatter
and hilarity)
(indistinct radio chatter)
(indistinct chatter)
That's right Doc!
you find me one of those
aryan dames...
I'm gonna spray ya with so
many bullet holes
and FUCK EM!
and my man juice comes flying
out them bullet holes.
Never mind bullet holes
your dick ain't big enough to
fuck her ear holes.
(Everyone laughs)
Oh you laugh now
wait till later
all you mother fuckers be sayin
"Oh Lucus from Tucus
let me get some of that action
we want them bullet holes too!".
(Laughter)
Don't you worry Wakoffski
we'll be finished with her
real quick.
and then
you'll be able to
(POP)
pop that cherry of yours
while she's still nice and
fuckin warm.
That's
mighty fine of you fellas to
offer, but...
no thank you
I will... not be partaking in
any such activities.
THE FUCK YOU SAY FOUR EYES?
sayin' our sloppy seconds ain't
good enough for you?
That's right book worm
you'll fuck a guard dog if
we tell you.
Even if it means pushing your
pimply little white ass.
Ladies!
knock off this macho bullshit!
and prepare for jump!
For your information
I popped my cherry back in
sophomore.
MAYDAY!
MAYDAY!
Shitbird Express going down
repeat
going down.
Brace for impact,
we're going to crash land!
Doc!
Give me a head count...
NOW!
I think he's a goner.
TAM!
TAM!
He's done for Dick
we need to lickity
split the sack
NOW!
We'll have to make a run for it.
Fucker.
Come on
let's go!
Hault!
So...
the Schotlander has been shot.
Tell me!
Is it true what they say about
you people?
You know!
That you don't wear any...
unterhosen.
This is something which has
fascinated me for years.
SCHEISS GRANATE!
I thought the other guy was
Dick Dynamite haha.
(Explosion)
Tell me the good news
Herr Sturmitz.
There will not be one brain left
in Europe to work for us.
In order to have the island
fully operational within
the week
We have had to draught in
the help of a certain
Mikhail Leznik.
What have I told you about
working with Russian defectors?
The smell is unbearable.
I can smell the rotten
potato from here.
BUT SIR!
Who is this Fotze.
Colonel Shtacker this is
Professor Mikhail Leznik.
I am the genius behind
the vile and cruel experiments
that will cause even your fecal
matter to curdle.
I'm shitzen in my hosen...
Mikhail.
Even though the Russian
technology is superior to
the German war machine.
Together we can make positive,
for bringing death to the U.S
of America, a reality.
For someone who proclaims to
have such superiority in
the field of technology
I wonder why you people simply
over look personal hygiene.
And your breath...
(Sniffs)
As if you were
sucking the cock of Stalin
and forgot to brush your teeth.
This I find amusing
Not so much.
REJOICE!
and crack out the vodka
and say
dosvidaniya!
You're mistaken
dosvidaniya means goodbye.
In Deutschland we say
auf wiedersehen.
Now...
Now this...
I find very amusing.
(Chuckles)
(Maniacal laughter)
Find me a reliable scientist
it is not exactly rocket
surgery.
(Sneezes)
YOU KEEP THAT SHIT UP GOOSIN US
I'LL THROW IN THE FRONLINE SCREAMIN
JUDEN!
JUDEN!
JUDEN!
FUCKIN ASS WIPE!
Uh jeez
I...
I'm so sorry..
it's...
it's my allergies
I...
I really gotta watch my hygiene.
What you know about hygiene?
Tell me this
How come
the more you wash the tip
of your dick
The worst it smells
You tell me that
Mr Smarty Pants.
The more you wash the tip
of your dick the worse it
smells?...
what?
See you don't know shit
for brains.
Most important mission yet,
they said.
Take some pictures, they said.
Yeah...
escorted by a walking bicep
bunch of
backwards
red neck
Retards!
What's going on?
Mother
fucker!
YOU ASSHOLES!
YOU JUST SHOT A LITTLE GIRL!
Murdering bastards...
She was a defenceless child.
I don't know if you noticed from
back fucking there
but up here!
she was like a wild fucking dog
and she needed put down.
What would Cairnie
think now huh?
You want me to take a picture
of this?
Barbarians...
The whole lot of you.
You're just a bunch
of friggin...
(Yelp)
(Yelp)
(Yelp)
Kill it...
Kill it with what ever you got!
We must've put enough lead in
her to take down a fuckin'
elephant.
And yet a single shot to
the head was all it took to take
her down.
LUCAS!
WAKOFFSKI
FULL PARTY SWEEP OF THE AREA.
see if there's any more of them.
Buckle up sweetheart.
What the hell are they?
(Sniff sniff)
Come, come,
hurry up and get on with it.
Colonel Shtacker has insisted
that I witness some sort
of vulgar display of power
hmm
Meine Damen
bitte.
What?
What is this?
Colonel Shtacker will have your
garners for guts.
It was Shtacker himself
who sent you to us.
NOW!
HOLD STILL!
But should you flinch
then
you are in for a shit fuck
world of pain.
NOW!
THE SERUM!
Steady yourself child.
brace yourself.
Now Stefan...
We just fucking wait.
But what if the experiment does
not go as planned?
Then we ditch the bitches body
and the old spunk bugger
Schtacker
never needs to fucking know.
Need...
To know...
What?
Wilhelm.
You will need to know...
how quickly we can turn
around this
Fresh batch of serum.
According to my calculations...
oh...
in about
(Screams)
(Chuckles)
You were saying?
Scientifically
we are on the verge
of a real break through here
if you would just allow
more time
for equipment
checks...
Few...
Dr Arbietz
You are now in command
see that it is ready for human
consumption by...
This time tomorrow.
Do not...
Fail me.
As you wish
Colonel Shtacker.
Report to my office
Both of you.
(Maniacal laughter)
You go round the building here
Just watch out for...
(Wolf Whistle)
Pardon me boys
so rude of me to interrupt.
So you must be the British prick
that Eagle told us about.
The name's Dalton
Dash Dalton.
I heard of you
You're responsible
for the deaths of hundreds
of innocents civilians in India
Yes. It's true.
Carry on like that out
the Kyber,
might finally put some hairs
on your tiny bollocks
ho ho ho ho ho.
Let's say we take a knee
and discuss le plan of action.
Right...
well at nineteen hundred hours
that's 7 o'clock yankee time
I'm going to need some help
to infiltrate and go undercover
to some swanky time bar.
Is he for real?
Rumour has it that it will be
full of floosies and big bollock
Nazi SS officers.
Once inside, we'll hopefully get
in touch with our
secret contact.
Then... we will receive
the where abouts
of the manufacturing plant
that's housing the America
bomber.
Sure...
Sounds simple
Waltz into a circle jerk of top
brass krauts
receive our tip off,
and go totally unnoticed
That's the spirit, Dick.
That's the spirit, Dick.
(DOOF)
A sense of humour as well as
a sense of adventure.
You know what old Dash Dalton
says at a time like this?
LET'S KILL SOME JERRYS
AND SHAG SOME BIRDS
HIYAAAA!!!!
Dash...
Hat.
Bastard.
Ahh...
I do beg you pardon.
hmm.
no
Christ.
A Nazi party
My Favourite.
I think I see our contact
I'd recognise her anywhere.
I'd recognise that derriere
anywhere.
I think I found the floosie
I'll just say that password.
(hmmf)
(Complains in German)
That's some password.
Go rest your thumbs at the bar
I'll scout for little Miss
butter arse.
Tonic wine
On the rocks.
Bonsoir mon amour.
Excuse moi.
Jennings, meet Dick.
If this insufferable tit doesn't
get us all killed
I'll kill him myself.
Look lady
We just need one thing.
The location of that bomber.
Good luck with that...
the only one who knows where
that is,
is that twat stain over there
Maximillion Schtacker.
Schtacker?
The most dangerous man
in the Reich.
Put your practice to good use
and you can suck it out
of his cock.
I should shoot you right now.
(Scoffs)
What I want you to do
is slip him this drink.
That will get him talking.
What the blazes is that?
Nazi crank
You'll have to shoot him to
shut him up.
Wow.
Bottoms up.
Bastard.
Don't mind if I do.
Bollocks!
big black bollocks.
The ghoulish git's Rogered
things up.
Why don't you come upstairs and
tell me all about it.
hmmmm
Excuse me
I have to go expel urine from
my bladder.
Remember dear Richard
two shakes is more than a wank.
(Chuckles)
You dirty bastard.
Gentlemen.
Piss...
Piss on a stinking shit.
(indistinct chatter)
Can I help you?
I'm just checking you're
not Jewish.
Well I hope I passed your
penis inspection.
Don't!
Forget to wash your hands.
Fuck
The great plague was a direct
result of poor hygiene.
Remind me of your name
one more time
because...
I don't recall seeing you
on the guest lists.
The name's Dynamite.
huh?
Dick Dynamite.
Come my dear.
We have much to talk about.
Is that so?
and...
what would you like to
talk about?
Now that I think about it...
I should just like to cock-fuck
your mouth.
Oh...
My favourite.
You know...
This tastes a little like...
Come here my little Schonheiten.
Ahhh that's it, next time I see
Jennings I'm going to confess my
fucking love to her.
Oh I love you.
I don't recall you
liking seafood.
Dash, he's upstairs,
I think he's ready to talk.
It will take a real man to
finish the job
please extract the information.
For you dear
I'd do anything.
For Queen and for Country.
Out of my way
nincompoop!
Right you bastard.
Don't lose your head.
(German demanding)
What seems to be the problem?
This woman is accused
of being a spy.
If this woman is a spy,
then I'm Laurel and Hardy.
Let me see your papers.
Let me see,
my papers are right...
Here!
(Sceams)
You pair of plonkers have
cocked up my cover.
You'll have to take me with you.
Well...
You did promis to kill Dalton.
Nazi bastard,
I wanted to do that for years.
My heart bleeds.
So does his.
Did you get the information?
Yes, of course I've got it...
I know where the bloody
well bomber is!
Come on
let's go.
What happened to Schtacker?
He tapped out.
Christ.
(complains in German)
Sturmnitz?
DYNAMITE!
Well?
Security is tighter than a bulls
arse during fly season.
You guys sit tight.
I will find another way to
flush them out.
Roger that.
(Radio chatter)
Mother
Fucker.
Never mind the bloody
well pictures
we can not let that thing
get airbourne
Now come on everyone, let's go.
Little bastard.
Come on!
Come on little man
You done fuck with the big
boys now.
Yes...
COME ON!
(German shouting)
(screaming)
Bastard!
(German Radio communications)
"Deiter come in Deiter"
Deiter
HEY!
(screams)
Shoot him!
Nein.
Shoot them all.
(Alarm sounding)
(Alarm stops)
(screaming)
Come on
the coast is clear.
Ouch.
Thanks for killing twirly
stick man.
The pleasure is all mine.
Fucking do it.
If it's breakfast and a blowy
you're looking for,
you can see one of your rim
sniffing colleagues for that.
I could do with a full English.
Yeah, well you can see your pal
Dalton for that.
(German Radio chatter)
Jeff!
take point
an explosion that size...
the payload may not
have detonated
(Whistles)
I believe I found us a quick
way outta here.
That's a U.S truck
how did they get that?
They just whacked the driver.
Give me that before you get
someone killed.
What am I suppose to do?
Blind them to death with my
camera flash?
Take this
it's a purse.
Ok here's what we do.
Split the team in two
and we'll flank them.
But first we need a diversion.
I think I might of just found
one my little cock-a-leekie.
That fellow must have glands
of pure steel.
What the fuck?
(German shouting)
ahh
My favourite.
Give it here!
We lost a lot of good fucking
men on this bastarding mission.
Here's to Doc
and Tam the Bam...
and now Tucas
(German shouting)
(German radio communication)
(German radio communication)
Who are you waving at?
Those nice gentlemen on
the motorbikes, look.
They're not on our side
are they?
Right you...
Ohhh
Hello my lovely, ho haw haw.
Piss off puss face.
Aim for the bike, not the rider.
Wooo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Fuck you asshole.
Don't pat your flaps
just yet boys
there's more of the bastards.
Where?
There!
Argh!
Stop the truck!
Come on!
What are you doing?
Come on Wakowski!
(Yelps)
GO!
GO!
Are you ok?
Hey Sarge uh
you still got that uh
that big gun?
You mean this one?
oh
It's not as big as his.
As who's?
That guy.
OH FUCK!
Right you
OH!
Bastard.
This is as far as we
go tit shits.
LYRICS: you're gonna die
everybody's gonna die
can't you realize
that you're gonna die
YOU'RE
YOU'RE
YOU'RE GONNA DIE
EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY'S GONNA DIE
You're gonna die
(Snarling)
Mother
fucker!
No
no
no
no
no
The chemical infection has no
effect on the body at all...
The brain however
They go down quicker than
a Tayside trollop.
Oh Christ, that's a doozy.
I'm afraid the bite's too close
to the main artery
it's going to increase
the spread of the infection.
The fuck are they?
Vampires?
This is just a mere side effect
of the weapon onboard
that bomber.
Seem to know a hell of a lot
more than you are telling us
asshole.
That's why the British
government's so interested
in this.
We can steal this technology and
use it against them.
If we knew what kind of twisted
bullshit you were up to
I would of told you where to
shove your mission.
Bloody Yankees have never won
a war on your own...
(High pitched squealing)
ohhhhh
ohhh oh ohhhhh
ohhh ohhhhh
(grunting and snarling)
You're one
Ugly...
Mother
Fucker!
Come!
Herr Dynamite
surrender
You are not only out numbered
but out gunned
Throw down your weapons
and we will treat your with
the respect
such a worthy adversary
deserves.
What the fuck?
He can't be fucking serious
Dick don't do it.
Surrender?
Sounds like a great idea.
Fuck!
SO WHICH ONE OF YOU CUNTS
SHOT DOWN MY BOMBER?
Well...
It was a rhetorical question you
complete Kartofel Fotze.
You complete arschlechs
Foiled the biggest attack ever
to hit the shores of America
Thanks to you bunch of complete
fuck-shits
we were able to...
retrieve this little baby...
from the wreckage.
It is...
Die Heilung
the bargaining chip I need to
turn the course of this war
in my favour.
Unless you plan to stick that
up my ass...
do your worst.
perhaps later.
(German chatter)
What do you think they're doing
to Dick and the chick?
Knowing Dick, he's probably
putting his dick in a chick.
If one were to hazard a guess,
I'd say...
in a similar predicament
to ourselves...
in other words...
up a paddle without a creek.
DICK!
DICK!
DICK!
DICK!
DICK!
Where are we?
Those Nazi tosspots seem to have
brought us to some old church.
Well...
if it isn't Nosferatu
Funny you should say that
Dick Dynamite
for there will be some blood
about to be spilt.
What have you done with my men?
At this precise moment
your pitiful band of rebels are
about to be executed.
(German Chatter)
How about me and you
go right now?
Toe to fuckin' Toe
Man to man right here right
fucking now.
How about you put the fuckin'
gun down.
Ow!
You...
motherfucker!
Nazi fucking prick!
Any last words?
These are my last words.
I take comfort that this bullet
will not harm an innocent man
woman or child.
God bless my family.
God bless my enemy.
God bless America.
Full stop.
Another one bites down
on the dust.
You see...
aside from you...
(Gun shots)
And so...
I shall leave you
in the very capable hands
of
Fahig.
Before we say our
final farewells
I should like to leave you
a special
goodbye.
Promise
I'll kill you!
(Laughter)
Come on then
do your worst.
Don't you fucking touch her.
No
(whimpering)
(Whimpering)
NO!
NO!
NO!
(Screams)
NO!
(Screams)
NO!
(Screams)
JENNINGS!
JENNINGS!
NO!
(Screams)
NO!
(Screams)
(Maniacal Laughter)
(Laughter)
He is merely a child!
(Screams)
MASTER!
(Laughter)
(Moaning in pain)
(Maniacal Laughter)
Ahhh
Herr Dynamite
so glad you could join us
you're just in time to witness
the awesome power
of die Heilung.
Who would've thought that the
introduction of a chemical
so volatile
would have rendered one
under it's control
so much more...
(Laughs)
controllable.
After all
what use is a soldier
who does not recognise
his superiors.
Now...
my child
Kill Dick Dynamite!
Bravo!
Herr Dynamite...
Bravo!
You have just killed
an innocent child
in the eyes
of God.
(Laughter)
Told you I'd kill you.
With a touch of flair.
Halt
you will not touch Herr Dynamite
until I give the command.
Shtacker
tonight...
one of us dies.
Arschgeige!
What do you think this is?
some kind of movie!
In real life
the bad guy
always wins!
You bible bashing Nazi son
of a BITCH!
What's the difference
between Dick Dynamite
and a Russian whore?
About twenty bucks.
You can get one extra finger
in Dick.
Prost!
Let's kill this Fotze once
and for alles.
Folgen Mir!
Time...
to die.
You doing alright there Sarge?
Thanks Brooklyn.
Uh uh baby
you ain't got me to thank
Wakowski here...
well his balls just fucking
dropped.
You should of seen him
he went bat shit crazy
he went bat shit crazy
No
he went bat shit crazy
Grrrr
he went ball shit fuckin crazy.
he went ball shit fuckin crazy.
GET YOUR FUCKIN HANDS OF MY
CAMERA YOU NAZI FUCK!
GET YOUR FUCKIN HANDS OF MY
CAMERA YOU NAZI FUCK!
(Screams)
FUCK YOU!
YOU NAZI FUCK!
YOU WANT SOME TOO?
YOU SHOULDN'T OF FUCKED WITH ME
YOU SHOULDN'T OF FUCKED
WITH MEE!
What do we do now?
There's too many of those
fuckin' zombie creeps
we gotta go
NOW!
They pushed this fuckin'
peckerwood too fuckin' far
and what they got was a wild
fuckin' animal.
I love this fucking new
fucking guy.
Listen Dick!
we gotta get the fuck
outta here.
(Monk Master moans)
Come on Dick
it's time to go
go
GO!
Save your voice Master.
Those huns have been stockpiling
munitions...
Weapons
in our basement
they have enough ordnance
to stop a small army...
Dick Dynamite.
Make sure you...
Come on Dick...
it's time to go.
Our father
who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Please see that your hand guides
Dick Dynamite
on his path of righteous
retribution
upon his crusade against these
Unholy
abominations
and the masters who
created them.
May he never be overcome by evil
but be a force for good.
And Lord...
Punish those
BASTARDS
for their judgment
is nigh.
Dig in boys.
What the fuck is it with these
European broads and their hairy
fuckin' pits?
Hey Hey Heeey
check out the fucking size
of this mother fucker.
You know I...
I think Dicks is bigger.
Really Dick?
Burning books...
You know if you do that
you're no better than them.
No... I'm worse.
You guys go ahead.
I'll catch up.
Come on, let's get 'em.