Doll Shark (2022) Movie Script
1
(rain pattering)
(thunder rumbling)
- [News Anchor] A storm
warning is in effect
for Wellsboro County from 5:00
p.m. until midnight tonight.
Wind gusts up to 60 miles
per hour are expected.
Please find shelter indoors
until the storm has passed.
(waves crashing)
(tense music)
(thunder rumbling)
- Come on you hell beast,
just a little closer.
(dramatic music)
I've been hunting the
devil shark for days,
slowly, methodically.
Stalking it much like
a shark does its prey.
This is no ordinary
shark though,
I'm convinced it's
possessed by something dark,
sinister and evil.
It's killed several locals
including two children,
plucked from life while
swimming on the beach.
I take that personally.
I have a child of my own,
and I'm being paid
to kill this monster
(shark roaring)
once and for all.
(thunder rumbling)
(shark groaning menacingly)
(spear piercing)
(shark hissing)
Die you devil fish.
(shark howling)
A souvenir for my kid.
(shark gasping)
(office workers chattering)
See Shark Swim, this is from
my son's favorite TV show,
he's going to love it.
And this will bring him luck.
(tense music)
- Kirby.
It looks like your deadbeat dad
remembered he still has a kid.
I wish he was that timely
with his alimony payments.
Kirby?
- Yes mom?
Oh boy, from dad.
Mom, I got a See
Shark Swim doll.
Cool.
(television program theme)
See shark swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See shark swim
He's happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
for a real fun time
See shark swim
He's cute and he always wins
Flashing and laughing,
waving his great big tail
See sharks swim
Swim swim swim
Heading your way
right about now
(shark growling)
(man growling)
(upbeat music)
- Welcome back to the
Video Store Junkies,
the podcast is about movies
and the experience
of watching them.
Today we'll be talking about
two of our favorite things,
evil dolls and
weird shark movies.
Yep, we're talking about
the new film Doll Shark,
which got me thinking, gave
you guys noticed that toys
have gotten pretty violent
and dangerous lately?
- Oh yeah, yeah, well I
think it's a backlash,
because after the 70s and 80s
when we had things like sharks,
and kids were getting impaled.
All of a sudden everything
had to be Nerf and soft,
so I think it's just going
back to the way it should be.
You've got now, I think they're
bringing out (indistinct)
with curare tips on
them to poison the kids.
I don't know,
that's what I think.
- Hmm, personally I like it,
I think that kids
are getting soft.
I think that they need things
to toughen them up a little bit.
I'm really for this whole
dangerous toy thing, frankly.
- You know what?
I agree.
Natural selection,
harsh but fair.
And we need a little bit
more of it out there,
people have gotten too soft.
As long as it
doesn't go too far.
Let's not bring back
ventriloquist dummies,
'cause those things
are ridiculous.
They're scary and terrifying,
and they encourage insanity.
These kids have already been
pushed pretty far the
last couple years,
We don't need to tip them over
into carrying around
a little wooden human
and pretending that it's real.
and having people buy
into this nuttiness,
this craziness,
encouraging them.
And they'll do things like
the dummy will insult someone,
and the person goes up
face-to-face with the dummy,
pointing jabbing their finger
into his little wooden face.
And the ventriloquist
holding him back,
I'm trying to keep the
dummy from anything.
And it's like, no, no,
punch the ventriloquist
in the face,
he's the one insulting you.
What are you stupid?
What were we talking about?
(crickets chirping)
(tense music)
- (screams) Mom.
(tense music)
(creepy laughing)
(tense music)
(man growling)
(mellow music)
Oh mom.
(mellow music)
(suspenseful music)
That's not possible.
- Yeah, I am so
looking forward to it.
A few days alone with
you at the shore.
No.
Of course.
He doesn't know yet,
I'll tell him after lunch.
I hired a sitter to
watch him for a few days.
Yeah, we'll do that.
(Kirby humming)
- See shark swim.
Shark see shark,
swim, swim, swim.
Shark, see shark swim.
(dog panting)
(Kirby humming)
(dog growling)
(mellow music)
(dog growling)
Be a good boy and go home.
(dog growling)
(shark snarling)
(dog crying)
(tense music)
I guess you scared him away.
(tense tone)
(mellow music)
I'm gonna go play in my room.
(mellow music)
Dear dad, thank you so much
for the Sea Shark Swim doll,
it goes everywhere I go.
I miss you.
When will you come back and
visit me like you promised?
Love Kirby.
Dad's a fisherman.
(mellow music)
See sharks swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See shark swim
He's happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
for a real fun time
See shark swim
He's cute and he always wins
Flashing and laughing, and
waving his great big tail
See shark swim,
swim, swim, swim
Heading your way
right about now
Oh mom.
- You can finish watching
it when we're done talking.
- Okay.
- I have something
I wanna discuss.
- Let me guess, you're
going away for a few days.
- Yes, with a new
friend for three days.
- What's his name?
- Kirby, you're
being unreasonable,
even adults want to
have a little fun.
- Why can't you and dad
be together anymore?
- Oh, Kirby, we've
been over this,
your dad and I just
don't get along.
It's better that we're apart,
as hard as it is for
you to understand that.
- On your way to
wherever you're going
with your new boyfriend,
can you do me a favor?
- Sure.
- Can you mail this out for me?
I wanna thank Dad
for the present,
make sure it's
the right address.
- Yeah, that's about right,
I'll mail it for you.
- Thanks. am I
going to Grandma's?
- No, I have a sitter
coming for you.
- Not Lila.
- Yes, Lila.
- I don't like her.
- Well she likes
you, it'll be fun.
(doorbell ringing)
Let's hope that's her.
- Come on, hurry up, I wanna
get this weekend over with.
- Hi Lila, come on in.
- [Lila] Hi.
- Kirby, Lila's here.
- He's getting so big, we're
gonna have so much fun.
- Swell.
- Cheer up Kirby, I'm only
gonna be gone a few days.
Lila, you have my number
and there's plenty of
food in the refrigerator.
Kirby can stay up, mm,
a half hour than he used
to, so bedtime's at 8:30.
- Got it.
(horn honking)
- That's my ride,
can't keep him waiting.
(blowing kisses)
Love you, I'll call.
Be good.
- Yes mom.
- See you later Lila.
- Have a blast.
(horn honking)
Sit up straight would you.
(horn honking)
Look, let's get a
few things straight,
you don't like me
and I don't like you
but we have to get along for
the next few days, got it?
- Yes Lila.
- And you better not get
in the way, all right?
That's a stupid toy,
aren't you a little too old
to be carrying around
stuffed animals?
- It's from the
show See Shark Swim,
ever watch it?
- Hell no.
- My dad sent it to me.
- Your dad?
I'm surprised he still
knows where you live.
Of course if I had a kid
like you I'd skip town too.
- Don't talk about
my dad that way.
- Whatever creep.
Look, I'm having some friends
come over this weekend,
and you better
not get in the way
or else I will put
you in your bedroom
for the next three days, okay?
- My mom doesn't want
strangers in the house.
- Your mom has strangers
over every night,
you should be used to it by now.
- Yes Lila.
- Where are your video games?
- No.
- Forgot I was
talking to a nerd,
well just sit
there and watch TV.
(mellow music)
(horn blowing)
(mellow music)
(horn blowing)
(mellow music)
- I wonder if my son
got his present yet.
- But it's too
early to go to bed.
- Not according to
my watch, get in.
- Mom lets me stay
late on Fridays.
- Oh, your mom lets me
stay up late on Fridays,
well, too bad, get in.
- We can stay up late
and watch Sea Shark Swim,
it plays 24 hours a day.
- That dumb show,
I don't think so.
Besides, I have other
things to do tonight
that don't involve watching TV.
- What could you
possibly have to do?
- Grownup things.
If you don't go to sleep I'm
gonna take your sissy toy
and throw it away.
- Give it back.
- Only if you lay down
like I asked you to,
if not then this is going
straight in the trash.
- You wouldn't.
- Wanna bet?
- All right you win.
- All right, pipe
down and go to sleep.
(crickets chirping)
Yeah, I know he's kind of cute,
but I heard that he has a...
- Has what?
- A reputation.
He gets down your pants,
gets you all going,
and then the next thing you know
he leaves you with
blue lady balls.
- But he's got you hot
while he's there, right?
- No, I'm serious, I'm not
giving it up for him...
That easily.
(tense music)
- Well there is more
fish in the sea than him,
do you have any other options?
(electric buzzing)
- A few, but it's
tough, I want them all.
- Then have them all,
there's seven nights
in a week right?
(electric buzzing)
(shark growling)
Hey, what are you doing?
- Making a sandwich.
(shark growling)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
Oh hell, they're back already.
- [Neighbor] He's
here, yay. I know.
- [Neighbor's Friend]
Oh, it's getting chilly.
- [Neighbor] I know, I
wonder if the pool's good.
- I thought she was
gone all weekend.
- No, not her, the neighbors,
they hang out at
the pool all night,
screwing around
and making noise.
- Well then you can
take some notes then.
- I just might.
(shark growling)
(shark snarling)
- Hang on a sec.
Okay, I'm back.
- What was it?
- Nothing, I just thought
I heard something.
(water splashing)
- Come on in.
- Oh, the view's just
fine from here, thanks.
- It would be better
if you were in here.
(shark snarling)
besides, who's gonna help me
find the rest of my swim suit?
- Okay fine, where do I change?
- That shed back there.
Sike.
(suspenseful music)
(shark snarling)
(suspenseful music)
- What the hell is that?
That is one weird pool toy.
(shark snarling)
(Neighbor's friend yelling)
- Jeez, are you coming or not?
(shark growling)
(suspenseful music)
(Neighbor's friend whimpering)
(tense music)
(shark snarling)
(tense music)
- I'm cold, I'm
getting out, nevermind.
(water splashing)
(mellow music)
(shark snarling)
(water splashing)
(shark snarling)
(dog whimpering)
Pippit, Pippit,
where are you boy?
I know I forgot to
feed you this morning,
and last night, and well,
yesterday morning too.
But I got some food for you now.
Pippit, Pippit, where are you?
(sirens blaring)
- [Bystander] Do
you know anything?
I heard they found
his guts spilled out
all over the garage floor.
- [Neighbor] I heard they found
the girlfriend's torso severed
mid thorax in the hot tub.
What kind of nut does
something like that?
- [Radio] I got a call
back for (indistinct)
Negative (indistinct)
at a corner.
(radio chattering indistinctly)
- What laws have
they broke this time?
(sirens blaring)
- Good morning.
- Not so far.
- What's for breakfast?
- I don't know,
what are you making?
- Mom makes eggs
over easy and toast.
- Kid, get your own breakfast.
(indistinct radio chatter)
(door knocking)
Can I help you?
- Sorry to bother you ma'am,
but may I ask you
a few questions?
- You the cops?
- I'm the Inspector in charge
of the murder investigation.
- Murder?
- May I come in ma'am?
- What do you wanna know?
(tense music)
- Last night did you hear
anything strange, screaming?
Have you seen anyone
in the neighborhood
you haven't seen before?
- No, I've been here for
a day now babysitting him,
and I haven't seen or
heard anything strange.
- What can you tell me
about the folks next door?
- Kind of keep
themselves, they're loud,
sometimes they argue.
I think they're
swingers actually.
- Why would you say that?
- They have company at
weird hours of the night,
and it's always couples.
That swimming pool of theirs
is a hotbed of activity.
- Such as?
- Mm, don't really
wanna say here
in front of the kid and all.
- Oh yes, I get it.
Well here's my card if you
see or think of anything else.
- Hey, how did they?
- Not sure, it could
be an animal attack,
they were butchered.
Have a nice day.
(mellow music)
- What's a swinger?
- Your mom, forget about it.
(indistinct radio chatter)
(suspenseful music)
(indistinct radio chatter)
(radio beeping)
(indistinct radio chatter)
- (sighs) We've got a damn
psycho killer on the loose.
- In nearby Amity the
residents are still reeling
from the recent shark attack
and death of a young swimmer.
The town has received
several proposals
from local fishermen,
including one proposal
that was a staggering $10,000.
Submitted by the town's
part-time shark hunter,
slash full-time drunk.
Local officials were outraged
over the price gouging,
and have vowed to seek
additional outside quotes
to help curtail
their shark problem.
Amity, as they say,
means friendship,
and they will need
all their friends
to reel in this problem.
See shark swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See shark swim, he's
happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
for a real fun time
See shark swim
- Shut that off, we gotta go.
- I'm watching TV.
- This show is on 24/7, you
are not missing anything.
Now come on, we gotta
go get some groceries.
- Do I have to?
- Yes, you have to.
This ugly ass thing
is staying here.
(mellow music)
(shark snarling)
(mellow music)
(suspenseful music)
- All right.
(suspenseful music)
- If you keep acting up
I am going to spank you
at the grocery store
in front of everybody.
The finest tale of
sharks and dolls
That ever has been told
Oh, the hearts that
brave the ocean wave
And (indistinct)
So unprepared
to be so scared
Of the shark who was a doll
Though victims came
the victims went
Once the doll
sharks kill 'em
It's quite correct
and we expect
(groans) I can't wait til
this weekend is over with.
The finest scary movie that
made our blood run chilled
The finest tale
of the sharks
(suspenseful music)
- All right.
Score.
Stupid toy.
(electric buzzing)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
What the hell?
(shark growling)
(intruder groaning)
Oh, a whaler's life
is a sailor's life
And the sweetest life of all
But if I could be
someone else but me
I'd be Jeff Kirschenbaum,
he's so dreamy
His sea blue eyes
and the kraken lies
When you see the
fearful squall
When the bathers
fail to see the tail
Of the shark who was a doll
We all turned pale
when we saw the taIl
Of the shark who was a doll
Heave ho
- Hey, a little help here?
Little rat.
See shark
(tense music)
Watch out for his great gray
Don't run off, because
I'm gonna make lunch soon.
Kirby, do you hear me?
See shark swim
- Yes.
He's happy and likes to sing
- Good evening,
I'm Michael Akala,
more news from nearby Amity,
where the mayor has reported
that they have in fact
caught and killed
a large predator
that allegedly
injured some bathers.
When questioned the
mayor did decline
to provide additional details
on those injured bathers.
But did add that
they were looking
at some beautiful weather,
that the beaches were
indeed still open
despite rumors otherwise.
And the tourists were
having a wonderful time.
- Did I leave this place a mess?
(phone beeping)
Hey girl.
- Hey, how's it going?
I tried to call a few
times, but no one answered.
- I had to go get groceries,
the lush left all
the cupboards empty,
there's barely any food.
- Poor kid.
- Hey, he's no saint,
don't fool yourself.
- Well, he's not gonna
be a problem tonight
when we come over?
- No, I got him some
medicine to help him sleep,
if you know what I mean.
Who's we?
- Well, Rich and Steve may
or may not have caught wind
you're having a little
gift together tonight,
and they may or may
not decide to crash it.
- Oh, you are evil.
Swim, swim, swim,
swim, swim, swim, swim
See shark swim
(waves crashing)
(horn blaring)
See shark swim
(phone ringing)
He's happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
(phone ringing)
He's cute and he always wins
- I wonder where they can be.
(mellow music)
(horn blaring)
- This damn case has me stumped.
(phone line ringing)
Hello.
- Hey boss, I got the
final autopsy report here
if you're in the mood to listen.
- Hit me with it.
- The two stiffs were
done in by an animal.
- Are you on crack?
An animal?
- That's what I said.
- I thought they were
hacked up by a psychopath.
- What I found were teeth marks,
not lacerations from
a knife or implement.
- Well, the suspense
is killing me,
what kind of animal?
- I'm no expert, but
I think it was...
- Yeah?
- I think it was a shark.
- A shark, (chuckles)
don't be ridiculous.
How am I going to explain that?
Are you sure?
- 98% certain.
- Well use the remaining 2%
to come up with a
logical explanation.
A shark, who's he
trying to fool?
(hair dryer blowing)
- What is it now Kirby?
- I'm hungry, when's dinner?
- I'll be down in
a second, okay?
Just go watch your stupid show.
- Okay.
(hair dryer blowing)
- Hey kids, it's your
old pal Kippy Clown,
Kippy sees how much you
love Sea Shark Swim.
But you know, clowns can be
just as much fun as sharks,
and we won't eat you.
Chomp (laughs).
Okay, so I wrote this new song
and we'll put it
on the web soon,
so be sure to ask your parents
to play it over and over,
lots and lots, again and again,
so we can make this
thing go viral.
And that brings us to
our word of the day kids,
and it's a repeat, viral.
We had this one a few years ago,
but we're bringing it back
today and applying it.
Another big word,
applying.
In a different way.
Today viral means popular,
we wanna make our new
music video popular.
Get ready kids to sing along,
and loop this one
every chance you get.
Now get ready for
Clowns Can Clap.
(drum roll)
(harmonica tooting)
Clowns can clap, clap, clap.
Clowns can clap,
clap, clap, clap.
Crows.
No.
Cows.
No.
Cars.
No.
But clowns, yes,
clowns can clap.
Clap, clap.
Clowns can clap, clap, clap.
Clap, clap, clap.
(mellow music)
- Hello, welcome to my channel,
this is the Baron.
I'm a YouTuber that
opens up Pokemon cards,
Magic The Gathering cards, AEW
cards, action figures, toys.
If you want to find me on
YouTube I'm right here,
whoop, wrong sign.
I am right here.
Mark Pierce, AKA the Baron.
And then Twitter @JackDeath1969.
Today I'm gonna do something
a little different
than opening a pack.
I'm gonna talk about the largest
Sharpedo Pokemon collection
in the world, which I own.
As you see, I have
100s and 100s,
if not 1000s of cards.
If you're a Pokemon fan
pick your favorite Pokemon,
and then just collect them all.
- [Radio] Your husband's all
right Mrs. Brody, he's fishing.
We just caught a
couple of stripers,
and we'll bring them
home for dinner.
We won't be long, we
haven't seen anything yet.
Over and out.
- Hey Brock, something
I can do for you?
- I need a week off.
- A week off?
You know we're about to shove
off for our southern hall,
that's a four week commitment
and you signed up for it.
- I can't go, I'm sorry.
- This isn't like you
Brock, what's going on?
- I think my son is in danger,
it's a gut feeling,
something's wrong.
- Well, I can't go against
a man's gut instinct,
it has saved a lot of lives.
(sighs) I'll tell you what,
do what you have to do and
I hope everything's okay.
- Thanks so much boss,
I'll be back as soon as I can.
(crickets chirping)
(tense music)
- How is it?
- The soup is great.
- You know what Kirby?
Have as much as you want.
- Lila, can I ask
you a question?
- This isn't about the birds
and bees or anything, is it?
- Huh?
- Nevermind, what's
your question?
- Can toys come alive?
- That's a weird question, why?
- My doll shark sometimes
when I put it down
I see it in other places.
I can see it looking
around like it's alive.
- No, that's silly,
dolls cannot come to life.
- Are you sure?
- I promise, 100% positive.
So how about some more soup?
- Okay.
See shark swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See
Kirby?
Thank God, he'll be
out til noon tomorrow.
(suspenseful music)
I know exactly
where you're going.
He'll thank me
later for this kid.
(phone beeping)
Hey.
Yeah, he's asleep.
Okay, get over.
Okay, bye.
Huh?
(suspenseful music)
How did it get in?
(suspenseful music)
(Kirby groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(electric buzzing)
(shark growling)
(Lila screaming)
(shark growling)
(mellow music)
(doorbell ringing)
(shark snarling)
- Lila where are you?
It's getting cold out here.
(shark snarling)
Lil, where did you go?
Your car is here.
Where'd you get off to?
(shark snarling)
Huh?
(suspenseful music)
(door knocking)
Lila.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'll
have to let myself in.
(shark chuckling menacingly)
All right now.
(suspenseful music)
Lila, quit playing games.
(suspenseful music)
This isn't funny.
Lila, are you here or not?
(suspenseful music)
Blood.
But from what?
(shark growling)
(tense music)
(shark snarling)
(Lila's friend panting)
(suspenseful music)
(Lila's friend panting)
(suspenseful music)
(shark snarling)
(suspenseful music)
Wow, that was close.
(shark growling)
(Lila's friend screaming)
(shark snarling)
(Lila's friend screaming)
(tense music)
(tense music)
- [Steve] This better be
worth it, I'm freezing.
- [Rich] Don't worry.
You'll be getting
warmed up soon.
- [Steve] How can
you be so sure?
- [Rich] I have it
on good authority
that Lila and her friend
are having a sleepover,
and her friend let it slip
where they both are going to be
alone.
- [Steve] What her
folks are out of town?
- [Rich] No, she's
babysitting for the weekend.
- [Steve] Well, that stinks,
that means some brat's gonna
be there to spoil a good time.
- [Rich] That
kid's been doped up
on cough medicine or something,
he won't even know we're there.
- [Detective] What are you
guys doing out this late?
- Who are you?
- I'm investigating a crime
and I was out patrolling.
- A crime?
- Yeah, genius, didn't
you read the paper?
A murder occurred
here two days ago
and they haven't caught
the perpetrator yet.
- Well, I guess you got your
work cut out for you then,
we'll see you around.
- Hold it, you haven't
answered my question,
what are you doing
out this late?
We have dates a
couple of houses down,
we're going to meet them
there and hang out a while.
- Well, see that you get
there safely and stay inside.
- Yeah, sure thing.
- Punks.
(tense music)
- What the hell?
You said the girls
are gonna be here,
it looks like no one's home.
- She said they'd be here,
but maybe there was an
emergency or something.
- Probably that brat kid
screwed everything up,
what do we do now?
- Well, we could leave,
or we could wait
till they return.
- It's getting cold out here.
- Well, we'll find our way
inside then and surprise them.
- That sounds like a plan.
- Yeah, so you go around that
way and look for an entrance,
I'll go around this way.
And whoever gets in first
will let the other
person in, okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.
(tense music)
- Damn.
What a mess, don't
they ever clean?
Oh.
(mellow music)
(tense music)
(shark snarling)
Nearly gave me a heart attack.
(tense music)
Oh, goddamn it.
Oh my God.
(shark snarling)
You've gotta be kidding me.
(shark snarling)
(Rich yelling)
- What the hell?
(shark growling)
Rich?
Rich.
What the hell are you doing?
What a night this has been.
(tense music)
Get off my friend.
(shark snarling)
(shark growling)
(tense music)
(shark growling)
(tense music)
- That was a scream.
What the hell is that thing?
(suspenseful music)
(shark snarling)
What the hell is that thing?
(shark snarling)
(gun shooting)
(gun shooting)
(shark growling)
(Kirby whimpering)
Who's here?
You're in danger.
(shark snarling)
(dramatic music)
(shark snarling)
(mellow music)
Hey kid, are you okay?
(shark snarling)
(mellow music)
(dramatic music)
(Dad grunting)
(shark snarling)
- Dad.
- It's gonna be okay.
That's gonna make a nice mount.
- I don't know how I'm
gonna write this one up.
(waves splashing)
(mellow music)
(creepy music)
(upbeat music)
Run away night and day
Betray, your
life's away, decay
Afraid that I am in disarray
You go away
(indistinct) fade away
Run away night and day
(upbeat music)
It takes some longer to wait
Generational mistakes
Once forgotten histories
(rain pattering)
(thunder rumbling)
- [News Anchor] A storm
warning is in effect
for Wellsboro County from 5:00
p.m. until midnight tonight.
Wind gusts up to 60 miles
per hour are expected.
Please find shelter indoors
until the storm has passed.
(waves crashing)
(tense music)
(thunder rumbling)
- Come on you hell beast,
just a little closer.
(dramatic music)
I've been hunting the
devil shark for days,
slowly, methodically.
Stalking it much like
a shark does its prey.
This is no ordinary
shark though,
I'm convinced it's
possessed by something dark,
sinister and evil.
It's killed several locals
including two children,
plucked from life while
swimming on the beach.
I take that personally.
I have a child of my own,
and I'm being paid
to kill this monster
(shark roaring)
once and for all.
(thunder rumbling)
(shark groaning menacingly)
(spear piercing)
(shark hissing)
Die you devil fish.
(shark howling)
A souvenir for my kid.
(shark gasping)
(office workers chattering)
See Shark Swim, this is from
my son's favorite TV show,
he's going to love it.
And this will bring him luck.
(tense music)
- Kirby.
It looks like your deadbeat dad
remembered he still has a kid.
I wish he was that timely
with his alimony payments.
Kirby?
- Yes mom?
Oh boy, from dad.
Mom, I got a See
Shark Swim doll.
Cool.
(television program theme)
See shark swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See shark swim
He's happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
for a real fun time
See shark swim
He's cute and he always wins
Flashing and laughing,
waving his great big tail
See sharks swim
Swim swim swim
Heading your way
right about now
(shark growling)
(man growling)
(upbeat music)
- Welcome back to the
Video Store Junkies,
the podcast is about movies
and the experience
of watching them.
Today we'll be talking about
two of our favorite things,
evil dolls and
weird shark movies.
Yep, we're talking about
the new film Doll Shark,
which got me thinking, gave
you guys noticed that toys
have gotten pretty violent
and dangerous lately?
- Oh yeah, yeah, well I
think it's a backlash,
because after the 70s and 80s
when we had things like sharks,
and kids were getting impaled.
All of a sudden everything
had to be Nerf and soft,
so I think it's just going
back to the way it should be.
You've got now, I think they're
bringing out (indistinct)
with curare tips on
them to poison the kids.
I don't know,
that's what I think.
- Hmm, personally I like it,
I think that kids
are getting soft.
I think that they need things
to toughen them up a little bit.
I'm really for this whole
dangerous toy thing, frankly.
- You know what?
I agree.
Natural selection,
harsh but fair.
And we need a little bit
more of it out there,
people have gotten too soft.
As long as it
doesn't go too far.
Let's not bring back
ventriloquist dummies,
'cause those things
are ridiculous.
They're scary and terrifying,
and they encourage insanity.
These kids have already been
pushed pretty far the
last couple years,
We don't need to tip them over
into carrying around
a little wooden human
and pretending that it's real.
and having people buy
into this nuttiness,
this craziness,
encouraging them.
And they'll do things like
the dummy will insult someone,
and the person goes up
face-to-face with the dummy,
pointing jabbing their finger
into his little wooden face.
And the ventriloquist
holding him back,
I'm trying to keep the
dummy from anything.
And it's like, no, no,
punch the ventriloquist
in the face,
he's the one insulting you.
What are you stupid?
What were we talking about?
(crickets chirping)
(tense music)
- (screams) Mom.
(tense music)
(creepy laughing)
(tense music)
(man growling)
(mellow music)
Oh mom.
(mellow music)
(suspenseful music)
That's not possible.
- Yeah, I am so
looking forward to it.
A few days alone with
you at the shore.
No.
Of course.
He doesn't know yet,
I'll tell him after lunch.
I hired a sitter to
watch him for a few days.
Yeah, we'll do that.
(Kirby humming)
- See shark swim.
Shark see shark,
swim, swim, swim.
Shark, see shark swim.
(dog panting)
(Kirby humming)
(dog growling)
(mellow music)
(dog growling)
Be a good boy and go home.
(dog growling)
(shark snarling)
(dog crying)
(tense music)
I guess you scared him away.
(tense tone)
(mellow music)
I'm gonna go play in my room.
(mellow music)
Dear dad, thank you so much
for the Sea Shark Swim doll,
it goes everywhere I go.
I miss you.
When will you come back and
visit me like you promised?
Love Kirby.
Dad's a fisherman.
(mellow music)
See sharks swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See shark swim
He's happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
for a real fun time
See shark swim
He's cute and he always wins
Flashing and laughing, and
waving his great big tail
See shark swim,
swim, swim, swim
Heading your way
right about now
Oh mom.
- You can finish watching
it when we're done talking.
- Okay.
- I have something
I wanna discuss.
- Let me guess, you're
going away for a few days.
- Yes, with a new
friend for three days.
- What's his name?
- Kirby, you're
being unreasonable,
even adults want to
have a little fun.
- Why can't you and dad
be together anymore?
- Oh, Kirby, we've
been over this,
your dad and I just
don't get along.
It's better that we're apart,
as hard as it is for
you to understand that.
- On your way to
wherever you're going
with your new boyfriend,
can you do me a favor?
- Sure.
- Can you mail this out for me?
I wanna thank Dad
for the present,
make sure it's
the right address.
- Yeah, that's about right,
I'll mail it for you.
- Thanks. am I
going to Grandma's?
- No, I have a sitter
coming for you.
- Not Lila.
- Yes, Lila.
- I don't like her.
- Well she likes
you, it'll be fun.
(doorbell ringing)
Let's hope that's her.
- Come on, hurry up, I wanna
get this weekend over with.
- Hi Lila, come on in.
- [Lila] Hi.
- Kirby, Lila's here.
- He's getting so big, we're
gonna have so much fun.
- Swell.
- Cheer up Kirby, I'm only
gonna be gone a few days.
Lila, you have my number
and there's plenty of
food in the refrigerator.
Kirby can stay up, mm,
a half hour than he used
to, so bedtime's at 8:30.
- Got it.
(horn honking)
- That's my ride,
can't keep him waiting.
(blowing kisses)
Love you, I'll call.
Be good.
- Yes mom.
- See you later Lila.
- Have a blast.
(horn honking)
Sit up straight would you.
(horn honking)
Look, let's get a
few things straight,
you don't like me
and I don't like you
but we have to get along for
the next few days, got it?
- Yes Lila.
- And you better not get
in the way, all right?
That's a stupid toy,
aren't you a little too old
to be carrying around
stuffed animals?
- It's from the
show See Shark Swim,
ever watch it?
- Hell no.
- My dad sent it to me.
- Your dad?
I'm surprised he still
knows where you live.
Of course if I had a kid
like you I'd skip town too.
- Don't talk about
my dad that way.
- Whatever creep.
Look, I'm having some friends
come over this weekend,
and you better
not get in the way
or else I will put
you in your bedroom
for the next three days, okay?
- My mom doesn't want
strangers in the house.
- Your mom has strangers
over every night,
you should be used to it by now.
- Yes Lila.
- Where are your video games?
- No.
- Forgot I was
talking to a nerd,
well just sit
there and watch TV.
(mellow music)
(horn blowing)
(mellow music)
(horn blowing)
(mellow music)
- I wonder if my son
got his present yet.
- But it's too
early to go to bed.
- Not according to
my watch, get in.
- Mom lets me stay
late on Fridays.
- Oh, your mom lets me
stay up late on Fridays,
well, too bad, get in.
- We can stay up late
and watch Sea Shark Swim,
it plays 24 hours a day.
- That dumb show,
I don't think so.
Besides, I have other
things to do tonight
that don't involve watching TV.
- What could you
possibly have to do?
- Grownup things.
If you don't go to sleep I'm
gonna take your sissy toy
and throw it away.
- Give it back.
- Only if you lay down
like I asked you to,
if not then this is going
straight in the trash.
- You wouldn't.
- Wanna bet?
- All right you win.
- All right, pipe
down and go to sleep.
(crickets chirping)
Yeah, I know he's kind of cute,
but I heard that he has a...
- Has what?
- A reputation.
He gets down your pants,
gets you all going,
and then the next thing you know
he leaves you with
blue lady balls.
- But he's got you hot
while he's there, right?
- No, I'm serious, I'm not
giving it up for him...
That easily.
(tense music)
- Well there is more
fish in the sea than him,
do you have any other options?
(electric buzzing)
- A few, but it's
tough, I want them all.
- Then have them all,
there's seven nights
in a week right?
(electric buzzing)
(shark growling)
Hey, what are you doing?
- Making a sandwich.
(shark growling)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
Oh hell, they're back already.
- [Neighbor] He's
here, yay. I know.
- [Neighbor's Friend]
Oh, it's getting chilly.
- [Neighbor] I know, I
wonder if the pool's good.
- I thought she was
gone all weekend.
- No, not her, the neighbors,
they hang out at
the pool all night,
screwing around
and making noise.
- Well then you can
take some notes then.
- I just might.
(shark growling)
(shark snarling)
- Hang on a sec.
Okay, I'm back.
- What was it?
- Nothing, I just thought
I heard something.
(water splashing)
- Come on in.
- Oh, the view's just
fine from here, thanks.
- It would be better
if you were in here.
(shark snarling)
besides, who's gonna help me
find the rest of my swim suit?
- Okay fine, where do I change?
- That shed back there.
Sike.
(suspenseful music)
(shark snarling)
(suspenseful music)
- What the hell is that?
That is one weird pool toy.
(shark snarling)
(Neighbor's friend yelling)
- Jeez, are you coming or not?
(shark growling)
(suspenseful music)
(Neighbor's friend whimpering)
(tense music)
(shark snarling)
(tense music)
- I'm cold, I'm
getting out, nevermind.
(water splashing)
(mellow music)
(shark snarling)
(water splashing)
(shark snarling)
(dog whimpering)
Pippit, Pippit,
where are you boy?
I know I forgot to
feed you this morning,
and last night, and well,
yesterday morning too.
But I got some food for you now.
Pippit, Pippit, where are you?
(sirens blaring)
- [Bystander] Do
you know anything?
I heard they found
his guts spilled out
all over the garage floor.
- [Neighbor] I heard they found
the girlfriend's torso severed
mid thorax in the hot tub.
What kind of nut does
something like that?
- [Radio] I got a call
back for (indistinct)
Negative (indistinct)
at a corner.
(radio chattering indistinctly)
- What laws have
they broke this time?
(sirens blaring)
- Good morning.
- Not so far.
- What's for breakfast?
- I don't know,
what are you making?
- Mom makes eggs
over easy and toast.
- Kid, get your own breakfast.
(indistinct radio chatter)
(door knocking)
Can I help you?
- Sorry to bother you ma'am,
but may I ask you
a few questions?
- You the cops?
- I'm the Inspector in charge
of the murder investigation.
- Murder?
- May I come in ma'am?
- What do you wanna know?
(tense music)
- Last night did you hear
anything strange, screaming?
Have you seen anyone
in the neighborhood
you haven't seen before?
- No, I've been here for
a day now babysitting him,
and I haven't seen or
heard anything strange.
- What can you tell me
about the folks next door?
- Kind of keep
themselves, they're loud,
sometimes they argue.
I think they're
swingers actually.
- Why would you say that?
- They have company at
weird hours of the night,
and it's always couples.
That swimming pool of theirs
is a hotbed of activity.
- Such as?
- Mm, don't really
wanna say here
in front of the kid and all.
- Oh yes, I get it.
Well here's my card if you
see or think of anything else.
- Hey, how did they?
- Not sure, it could
be an animal attack,
they were butchered.
Have a nice day.
(mellow music)
- What's a swinger?
- Your mom, forget about it.
(indistinct radio chatter)
(suspenseful music)
(indistinct radio chatter)
(radio beeping)
(indistinct radio chatter)
- (sighs) We've got a damn
psycho killer on the loose.
- In nearby Amity the
residents are still reeling
from the recent shark attack
and death of a young swimmer.
The town has received
several proposals
from local fishermen,
including one proposal
that was a staggering $10,000.
Submitted by the town's
part-time shark hunter,
slash full-time drunk.
Local officials were outraged
over the price gouging,
and have vowed to seek
additional outside quotes
to help curtail
their shark problem.
Amity, as they say,
means friendship,
and they will need
all their friends
to reel in this problem.
See shark swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See shark swim, he's
happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
for a real fun time
See shark swim
- Shut that off, we gotta go.
- I'm watching TV.
- This show is on 24/7, you
are not missing anything.
Now come on, we gotta
go get some groceries.
- Do I have to?
- Yes, you have to.
This ugly ass thing
is staying here.
(mellow music)
(shark snarling)
(mellow music)
(suspenseful music)
- All right.
(suspenseful music)
- If you keep acting up
I am going to spank you
at the grocery store
in front of everybody.
The finest tale of
sharks and dolls
That ever has been told
Oh, the hearts that
brave the ocean wave
And (indistinct)
So unprepared
to be so scared
Of the shark who was a doll
Though victims came
the victims went
Once the doll
sharks kill 'em
It's quite correct
and we expect
(groans) I can't wait til
this weekend is over with.
The finest scary movie that
made our blood run chilled
The finest tale
of the sharks
(suspenseful music)
- All right.
Score.
Stupid toy.
(electric buzzing)
(shark snarling)
(shark snarling)
What the hell?
(shark growling)
(intruder groaning)
Oh, a whaler's life
is a sailor's life
And the sweetest life of all
But if I could be
someone else but me
I'd be Jeff Kirschenbaum,
he's so dreamy
His sea blue eyes
and the kraken lies
When you see the
fearful squall
When the bathers
fail to see the tail
Of the shark who was a doll
We all turned pale
when we saw the taIl
Of the shark who was a doll
Heave ho
- Hey, a little help here?
Little rat.
See shark
(tense music)
Watch out for his great gray
Don't run off, because
I'm gonna make lunch soon.
Kirby, do you hear me?
See shark swim
- Yes.
He's happy and likes to sing
- Good evening,
I'm Michael Akala,
more news from nearby Amity,
where the mayor has reported
that they have in fact
caught and killed
a large predator
that allegedly
injured some bathers.
When questioned the
mayor did decline
to provide additional details
on those injured bathers.
But did add that
they were looking
at some beautiful weather,
that the beaches were
indeed still open
despite rumors otherwise.
And the tourists were
having a wonderful time.
- Did I leave this place a mess?
(phone beeping)
Hey girl.
- Hey, how's it going?
I tried to call a few
times, but no one answered.
- I had to go get groceries,
the lush left all
the cupboards empty,
there's barely any food.
- Poor kid.
- Hey, he's no saint,
don't fool yourself.
- Well, he's not gonna
be a problem tonight
when we come over?
- No, I got him some
medicine to help him sleep,
if you know what I mean.
Who's we?
- Well, Rich and Steve may
or may not have caught wind
you're having a little
gift together tonight,
and they may or may
not decide to crash it.
- Oh, you are evil.
Swim, swim, swim,
swim, swim, swim, swim
See shark swim
(waves crashing)
(horn blaring)
See shark swim
(phone ringing)
He's happy and likes to sing
Join him in the water
(phone ringing)
He's cute and he always wins
- I wonder where they can be.
(mellow music)
(horn blaring)
- This damn case has me stumped.
(phone line ringing)
Hello.
- Hey boss, I got the
final autopsy report here
if you're in the mood to listen.
- Hit me with it.
- The two stiffs were
done in by an animal.
- Are you on crack?
An animal?
- That's what I said.
- I thought they were
hacked up by a psychopath.
- What I found were teeth marks,
not lacerations from
a knife or implement.
- Well, the suspense
is killing me,
what kind of animal?
- I'm no expert, but
I think it was...
- Yeah?
- I think it was a shark.
- A shark, (chuckles)
don't be ridiculous.
How am I going to explain that?
Are you sure?
- 98% certain.
- Well use the remaining 2%
to come up with a
logical explanation.
A shark, who's he
trying to fool?
(hair dryer blowing)
- What is it now Kirby?
- I'm hungry, when's dinner?
- I'll be down in
a second, okay?
Just go watch your stupid show.
- Okay.
(hair dryer blowing)
- Hey kids, it's your
old pal Kippy Clown,
Kippy sees how much you
love Sea Shark Swim.
But you know, clowns can be
just as much fun as sharks,
and we won't eat you.
Chomp (laughs).
Okay, so I wrote this new song
and we'll put it
on the web soon,
so be sure to ask your parents
to play it over and over,
lots and lots, again and again,
so we can make this
thing go viral.
And that brings us to
our word of the day kids,
and it's a repeat, viral.
We had this one a few years ago,
but we're bringing it back
today and applying it.
Another big word,
applying.
In a different way.
Today viral means popular,
we wanna make our new
music video popular.
Get ready kids to sing along,
and loop this one
every chance you get.
Now get ready for
Clowns Can Clap.
(drum roll)
(harmonica tooting)
Clowns can clap, clap, clap.
Clowns can clap,
clap, clap, clap.
Crows.
No.
Cows.
No.
Cars.
No.
But clowns, yes,
clowns can clap.
Clap, clap.
Clowns can clap, clap, clap.
Clap, clap, clap.
(mellow music)
- Hello, welcome to my channel,
this is the Baron.
I'm a YouTuber that
opens up Pokemon cards,
Magic The Gathering cards, AEW
cards, action figures, toys.
If you want to find me on
YouTube I'm right here,
whoop, wrong sign.
I am right here.
Mark Pierce, AKA the Baron.
And then Twitter @JackDeath1969.
Today I'm gonna do something
a little different
than opening a pack.
I'm gonna talk about the largest
Sharpedo Pokemon collection
in the world, which I own.
As you see, I have
100s and 100s,
if not 1000s of cards.
If you're a Pokemon fan
pick your favorite Pokemon,
and then just collect them all.
- [Radio] Your husband's all
right Mrs. Brody, he's fishing.
We just caught a
couple of stripers,
and we'll bring them
home for dinner.
We won't be long, we
haven't seen anything yet.
Over and out.
- Hey Brock, something
I can do for you?
- I need a week off.
- A week off?
You know we're about to shove
off for our southern hall,
that's a four week commitment
and you signed up for it.
- I can't go, I'm sorry.
- This isn't like you
Brock, what's going on?
- I think my son is in danger,
it's a gut feeling,
something's wrong.
- Well, I can't go against
a man's gut instinct,
it has saved a lot of lives.
(sighs) I'll tell you what,
do what you have to do and
I hope everything's okay.
- Thanks so much boss,
I'll be back as soon as I can.
(crickets chirping)
(tense music)
- How is it?
- The soup is great.
- You know what Kirby?
Have as much as you want.
- Lila, can I ask
you a question?
- This isn't about the birds
and bees or anything, is it?
- Huh?
- Nevermind, what's
your question?
- Can toys come alive?
- That's a weird question, why?
- My doll shark sometimes
when I put it down
I see it in other places.
I can see it looking
around like it's alive.
- No, that's silly,
dolls cannot come to life.
- Are you sure?
- I promise, 100% positive.
So how about some more soup?
- Okay.
See shark swim
Watch out for
his big gray fin
He's your friend
He's my friend if
you want him to
See
Kirby?
Thank God, he'll be
out til noon tomorrow.
(suspenseful music)
I know exactly
where you're going.
He'll thank me
later for this kid.
(phone beeping)
Hey.
Yeah, he's asleep.
Okay, get over.
Okay, bye.
Huh?
(suspenseful music)
How did it get in?
(suspenseful music)
(Kirby groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(electric buzzing)
(shark growling)
(Lila screaming)
(shark growling)
(mellow music)
(doorbell ringing)
(shark snarling)
- Lila where are you?
It's getting cold out here.
(shark snarling)
Lil, where did you go?
Your car is here.
Where'd you get off to?
(shark snarling)
Huh?
(suspenseful music)
(door knocking)
Lila.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'll
have to let myself in.
(shark chuckling menacingly)
All right now.
(suspenseful music)
Lila, quit playing games.
(suspenseful music)
This isn't funny.
Lila, are you here or not?
(suspenseful music)
Blood.
But from what?
(shark growling)
(tense music)
(shark snarling)
(Lila's friend panting)
(suspenseful music)
(Lila's friend panting)
(suspenseful music)
(shark snarling)
(suspenseful music)
Wow, that was close.
(shark growling)
(Lila's friend screaming)
(shark snarling)
(Lila's friend screaming)
(tense music)
(tense music)
- [Steve] This better be
worth it, I'm freezing.
- [Rich] Don't worry.
You'll be getting
warmed up soon.
- [Steve] How can
you be so sure?
- [Rich] I have it
on good authority
that Lila and her friend
are having a sleepover,
and her friend let it slip
where they both are going to be
alone.
- [Steve] What her
folks are out of town?
- [Rich] No, she's
babysitting for the weekend.
- [Steve] Well, that stinks,
that means some brat's gonna
be there to spoil a good time.
- [Rich] That
kid's been doped up
on cough medicine or something,
he won't even know we're there.
- [Detective] What are you
guys doing out this late?
- Who are you?
- I'm investigating a crime
and I was out patrolling.
- A crime?
- Yeah, genius, didn't
you read the paper?
A murder occurred
here two days ago
and they haven't caught
the perpetrator yet.
- Well, I guess you got your
work cut out for you then,
we'll see you around.
- Hold it, you haven't
answered my question,
what are you doing
out this late?
We have dates a
couple of houses down,
we're going to meet them
there and hang out a while.
- Well, see that you get
there safely and stay inside.
- Yeah, sure thing.
- Punks.
(tense music)
- What the hell?
You said the girls
are gonna be here,
it looks like no one's home.
- She said they'd be here,
but maybe there was an
emergency or something.
- Probably that brat kid
screwed everything up,
what do we do now?
- Well, we could leave,
or we could wait
till they return.
- It's getting cold out here.
- Well, we'll find our way
inside then and surprise them.
- That sounds like a plan.
- Yeah, so you go around that
way and look for an entrance,
I'll go around this way.
And whoever gets in first
will let the other
person in, okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.
(tense music)
- Damn.
What a mess, don't
they ever clean?
Oh.
(mellow music)
(tense music)
(shark snarling)
Nearly gave me a heart attack.
(tense music)
Oh, goddamn it.
Oh my God.
(shark snarling)
You've gotta be kidding me.
(shark snarling)
(Rich yelling)
- What the hell?
(shark growling)
Rich?
Rich.
What the hell are you doing?
What a night this has been.
(tense music)
Get off my friend.
(shark snarling)
(shark growling)
(tense music)
(shark growling)
(tense music)
- That was a scream.
What the hell is that thing?
(suspenseful music)
(shark snarling)
What the hell is that thing?
(shark snarling)
(gun shooting)
(gun shooting)
(shark growling)
(Kirby whimpering)
Who's here?
You're in danger.
(shark snarling)
(dramatic music)
(shark snarling)
(mellow music)
Hey kid, are you okay?
(shark snarling)
(mellow music)
(dramatic music)
(Dad grunting)
(shark snarling)
- Dad.
- It's gonna be okay.
That's gonna make a nice mount.
- I don't know how I'm
gonna write this one up.
(waves splashing)
(mellow music)
(creepy music)
(upbeat music)
Run away night and day
Betray, your
life's away, decay
Afraid that I am in disarray
You go away
(indistinct) fade away
Run away night and day
(upbeat music)
It takes some longer to wait
Generational mistakes
Once forgotten histories