Dude (2018) Movie Script
La-da-da-da-da
It's the motherfucking D-I double-G
Rah, Rah, Rah Digga, y'all
La-da-da-da-da
You're rocking with the L-Y-R-I-C
Yeah, yeah, yeah
East Coast to West Coast
In this motherfucker
What, what, what, what
Yo' roll that weed up
Slice it up
Ha, what's up Jones?
Help Jones headphone
Better turn that shit up
You gotta dig your own hole
About to divvy it up
Ski mask, weight toy
Now we hooking back up
And when they bang this in the club
You got to get up
Straight who jaboo
How we living it up
Murder was the case on Snoop
They ain't locking him up
Taking chances while we rapping
In the party for sure
Slipping with my ball forward
No ID for the dough
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm like Sisyphus
I'm bound to push rock
Other MCs are such jokes
I call them Knocks Knocks
Your mom wears Crocs
While she's sucking cock
I float so hard
You're gonna need a smock
Yeah, horses wear shoe
But do horses wear socks?
Call me fucking Freddy
'cause I got it on lock
I smoke weed
I don't fuck with a rock
My flow's so regular
Like a motherfucking clock
Hold up, wait
All these niggaz thinkin we soft
We don't play
We gon' rock it
Til the wheels fall off
Hold up, wait
- Ready?
- Yeah.
Take a seat
Hope you're ready...
Where the dick at?
Smoke weed everyday
First prom with my dudes.
It's hot. I need something to drink.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Making you thirsty?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Having fun?
- Yeah, I'm having fun.
- The fields, field of dreams.
- Yup.
And that's home base.
- Did I get that right?
- No, that's the pitcher's...
- That's the pitcher's mound.
- You don't have an idea.
There is home base.
- And that's where you stand?
- Yeah, yeah.
Where all your dreams came true.
Yeah.
Are you sad about graduating?
Not really. Are you?
Chloe and I are gonna come visit you...
obviously.
I'm just glad I have another year here.
I can't imagine leaving this place.
I think if you do it right,
it never really leaves you.
Sorry, I just heard that
and threw up in my own mouth.
I hope you're right.
Hey! Come on. Limo's here.
Let's get some double-doubles.
Okay. Be right there.
Oh, my God,
I got so wasted last night.
So, wait, what happened?
The bouncer wouldn't let you in
with your In-N-Out.
Which was obviously unacceptable.
Right. So, that's when we hoisted
you over the wall of the patio.
And then,
you fall into the cactus.
Oh, dude. They're everywhere.
It's like I was giving blowies
in the desert all night.
Oh, fuck. I have work tomorrow.
Yeah, I have a practice exam
in the morning.
All right.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye.
- I love you.
- Bye.
Bye.
Okay. To the homestead?
Thomas wants us to come
to Top of the World.
- Cool.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Would you rather
lose all the hair on your body
or be a prostitute for a week?
- Prostitute for a week.
- Easily.
You didn't even hear the parameters.
No hair whatsoever,
no eyebrows, no lashes.
Oh, please. Come on.
I pay good money to have hot wax
rip most of that shit
out of my body anyway.
Yeah, for real.
But seriously, feel how smooth.
Is it good?
It might be cool
to be all slithery like a dolphin.
I don't think I'd do well as a prostitute.
I'd definitely end up a truck-stop boy.
I'd be an escort, but I'd only take jobs
from Johns who, like,
- wanted to be dominated and stuff.
- Yeah.
You guys have always sucked at this.
Whatever. Your go-to used to be
fart out of your mouth or sweat piss?
Still a valid question.
You lack imagination.
Can't believe school's in your hands now.
It's all downhill.
Every year says that.
And this bitch will be president
and these things will be extra special.
All right. Come on.
I'm tired as balls. Let's get out of here.
Thomas, I told mom
we'd be home soon.
Xi'an dinner tomorrow night?
- Oh, definitely.
- Okay.
We got to hit all the usual spots
before you go.
Okay. Bye, Thomas.
See you at home.
Don't be too long. Mom's gonna be pissed.
Love you.
Love you, girls.
Today we mark a moment
we will never understand,
that life stops.
A son, a brother,
a friend was taken from us.
I've tried to take comfort in the fact
that we are now
the stewards of his story...
...of his joy,
of his life.
We must hold on to that and to each other.
Oh, my God. Chloe,
we're so sorry. He meant so much to us.
No. Not right now. No.
What other way is there to heal
the pain than to think of him and cry,
and laugh, and be together?
Mint?
I'm gonna chug it.
Oh! My eyes.
Oh shit. You guys, we're late for yoga.
Namast-gay.
Oh. I got to meet with Student Council
Noah about prom.
You, you have your college meeting, yeah?
Oh, yeah. I should roll.
- Love you.
- Love you, bye.
Okay. So it's all finished?
- Pretty much.
- Okay. Great.
Are you sure you want to shut down
a full road for a red carpet?
Yes. Big gestures are very important.
Okay. So, what I'm thinking...
Hey, Lil.
Top of the afternoon, Guy.
Aren't you supposed to be
in my class right now?
Aren't you supposed to be
in your class right now?
- This never happened.
- What never happened?
Here you go.
Okay. I'm super excited.
I'm gonna plaster these around.
I'm thinking bathroom stalls.
Because people taking shits
are a very captive audience.
Ooh. Yeah. I like the way you move.
- Yeah. Bye.
- Bye.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How'd it go?
Uh, waitlist. Should find out this week.
She just keeps telling me
to think positive thoughts.
Sometimes I just wanna punch her
in her third eye.
I guess if I don't get in,
Santa Barbara wouldn't be that bad.
No. Hm-mmm.
You're going to NYU
and I'm going to Columbia.
We're gonna be life partners forever.
God, imagine how many times
we've walked these halls and thought
three months, two months, two weeks.
How the fuck did we get here?
"Time has a terrible way of fleeting by."
My mom wrote that to me
in a letter when I was eight.
Okay. I got to dump out.
I can't believe
you like shitting at school.
I'm very comfortable here.
So...
- Yo! What's up?
- Hey.
Just the girl I was looking for.
- Oh, Sam.
- Jared.
Jared. Hey guys, what's up?
So, we got a create-a-party tomorrow
at Carrie's and I need to spread the word.
- Hold on.
- Uh-oh.
I know what this is.
Hi, guys.
Hi. So, it was a really good day
at Path Less Taken, wasn't it?
Yeah, this guy knows
what I'm talking about. Cool.
Okay. So we only have
two weeks left, right?
- We need to cherish...
- And so, at prom, you two going together?
Well, yeah. Mein Fuhrer 's orders.
Yeah, she used to pencil in our playdates.
Prom, May 18th, it's gonna be
the best night of your life.
- But it's a shame though.
- I promise you.
- Buy tickets, please.
- I look fine in a tux.
Please, please.
Also, party at Carrie's tomorrow night.
Yes, thank you.
- Bye.
- Here you go.
Hey.
- Yo.
- Yo.
- Pretty good, huh?
- Mmm, that was nice.
- Bemis alarm. 3:00.
- Oh. Ooh,
Bemis.
Bite my penis.
- Bemis is really hot.
- I know, right?
I like his wizard glasses.
Yeah, I'd let him Harry Potter this.
You should hide Donkey Bong better.
Come on. We need him around.
His last days of high school, too.
So we'll pick up tree
then meet at my house, yeah?
- For sure.
- Okay. Bye.
Becks.
Beck.
Rebecca, come on.
Becks.
Give it to me now
I wanna li-li-li-lick you
From your head to your toes
And I wanna move from the bed
Down to the down to the to the floor
And I wanna ah-ah
You make it so good
I don't wanna leave
But I got to kn-kn-kn-know
What was your fantasy
I wanna li-li-li-lick you
From your head to your toes
Hello? Yeah, father.
Divorce meeting tomorrow, remember?
Why don't you call her?
Bye.
Are you f...
Hey, don't text and drive.
From Dad, "Your mother is a bitch."
Is everything okay?
Do you ever feel like your parents only
see you as an extension of their own ego
and have no regard
for your personal happiness
as an autonomous human being?
Yes. And they just don't know how to
support you in the ways that you need,
and that makes you feel alienated,
and then you feel guilty
for feeling alienated,
and then you resent them
for making you feel guilty
for feeling alienated, but the truth is
they just don't have the capacity
to understand or care?
Yeah. Hold on.
What were you and Bemis talking about?
Ugh. So, I gave a great presentation
on Kant today,
and then found this in my locker.
"I KANT stand this KUNT."
That's actually pretty clever.
Well, fuck you, because Bemis
said that my unpacking
of the third formulation was enlightened.
Mmm. Are you sure he wasn't talking
about the unpacking of his cock?
That... Ten and two.
Jesus.
Who goes there? What up?
- What up?
- Okay, okay. I knew it was you.
Thank you for putting up
my draconian security protocol.
How y'all doing? Have a seat.
Uh, I laid out
a little sample sale here.
We got Pluto OG,
aka Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Next up we got one I call Kramer,
because it like pops in.
You know I'm saying?
And then we got Strawberry Cough
and Barack O'bubba Kush,
because I know you're political and shit.
- Ha!
- Get some Cough.
That was your bro's favorite, too.
Highs and lows?
I'll go first. Highs,
prom-planning, duh. Uhm, and lows,
hmm, only having two weeks left
of high school with you guys.
That was so sad, it sucks.
Becks' eye-fucked Bemis
for, like, 30 full seconds.
Oh, yeah, I did, because Amelia,
in yoga, was pose banging Aaron Jakes'
like cat and cow.
How about this? You like that one?
You like this one?
How's my pussy looking downward dog?
Oh, look at that.
What's that one?
How's that back arch
for my vagina?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Aaron Jakes,
the, the sophomore
who wears that puka shell necklace?
- Have his balls even dropped yet?
- Yes.
Into your mouth?
A couple times. He could be fun for prom.
Have you guys given thought
to going to prom together?
Just girls?
Oh, I want a real prom date,
like with a penis.
I know. There will be plenty of guys
to satisfy us at After Prom.
Okay. Sorry, Slutty B. Anthony.
But this is about more than just
girl power and getting laid.
Ugh, fine, you guys are such girls.
You should invite Bemis to prom.
I might invite him
to the graduation party.
- Ooh.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Jill.
- Hi.
Jill, who did you take to prom?
Uhm, I went with, uh, Lily's dad.
So, look how well that turned out.
Just kidding.
- Little girls.
- Love you.
Not so little anymore.
Now they're just a bunch
of washed-up skanks.
- What the fuck? Shut up.
- Whoa.
- Excuse me.
- They washed-up, they swag.
- They all washed-up.
- Fuck you.
- It's over.
- Crap, I got to pick up your sister.
I need some perfume. You got any?
Mom, she, she knows that you smoke.
When you have kids,
you will know how important it is
to keep up appearances for your children,
and then slowly reveal all your flaws
when they're old enough to handle them.
Okay, bye.
- I love you girls so much.
- Love you.
Love you.
I can't wait to be a mother.
- Go away. Get out of here.
- So weird. Go away.
- How's everybody doing?
- Excited.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Uhm,
Chloe hasn't heard from NYU yet,
so that's a bummer.
Yeah, but I mean, wasn't she feeling
really good about UCSB?
No. Us, going to school together,
near each other, that is part of the plan.
Okay, my little cruise director.
- It is.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
- Okay. Okay.
- What's this? What are you writing?
- Oh. No, that's, uh...
it's for Clo.
Tomorrow's Thomas' 19th birthday.
So, I just had some nice things planned.
Do you wanna talk about it?
I'm fine.
It's gonna be a tough day, for everybody.
You know,
he would have hated this shrine.
"Don't be such a sad sack, mom. Turn it
into a pool room or a sex dungeon."
Hmm.
It's not
how it's supposed to be.
I know.
But it's how it is, mom.
We, we could do something later, maybe.
Yeah. Yeah.
Top of the morning, Jerry.
You wanted to see me?
So, how you doing?
Great.
A little wound-up lately?
Uh, it's kind of my default.
Okay. So, I wanted to talk to you about
some prom stuff before Student Council.
I wanna talk to you about delegating.
- You suck at it.
- Don't do this to me, Jerry. Don't do it.
You know who...
- And just because it hasn't worked before,
doesn't mean it never will.
People can be there, if you let them. You have to share
this process, you have to share it with Student Council,
especially with Noah, because
it looks like he's gonna be the one
taking over next year.
Okay. A wise man once told me, "The world
begins when I'm born and ends when I die."
And I really feel that that applies
to my tenure here. So, let's just,
you know, let that one marinate
and then we can circle back.
That doesn't make any sense.
My buddy was in jail at San Quentin. He was jonesing for some blow.
Uh, those days I had a pretty good arm. So, I loaded up a tennis ball
with some grade A quality snow,
hurled it over the wall.
It worked out great.
Okay. Let's get started
with those drug presentations.
- PCP?
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- Uhm, can it wait?
- If you want a bloody beanbag.
Menstruation is a miracle. I'm jealous
that I can't experience it myself.
Take your time.
All right. Who's ready? Angel dust?
Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?
I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by
and get you girls in 30.
I love you.
I'll call you when I'm outside.
Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?
I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by
and get you girls in 30.
I love you.
I'll call you when I'm outside.
Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?
I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by
and get you girls in 30.
I love you.
I'll call you when I'm outside.
Clo. Clo.
- Hey.
- Hey. I took the liberty.
- Is class over?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
It was a hard day.
Here.
To Thomas,
who showed us that
you can be smart,
athletic, kind, and...
fucking high all at the same time.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
You want me to get Lil?
No, it's okay. She's off saving the world,
one prom at a time.
Yeah.
Well, you know, uhm, speaking of prom...
Uhm...
I was a little worried that
you might think I was just, like,
fucking around earlier.
Definitely. I'd really like to go
with you, if you're into it?
I don't know about your face.
I don't know if you would. But...
No, I have this, uhm...
I have this pre-frosh thing
at UCSB this weekend.
-No. That's, that's chill.
- I totally get that.
- No. No. No. No. I'm not saying that.
I don't, I don't know
if I'm gonna go to that or not, uhm,
but if I don't go,
I'd love to go to prom with you.
Well you should then. Cool.
So Jerry will make
an announcement
and then it'll be girls' soccer,
led by yours truly.
Then it'll be boys' soccer,
though I really object to that order,
but then we'll both celebrate
our crushing victories.
Okay. Prom?
I really need your guys' help on this.
So Noah...
will you check the rates
at these catering companies?
Uhm, try Alphonso at Caf Food,
just let me know if you need any help.
You know what, I can actually, I can...
Noah, uh, are there some
agenda issues you'd like to address?
So, there are many things
that are important for prom,
but the most important thing,
is, uh, your date.
Hmm. What's going on?
Lily will you please
Come to prom with me
I think you are very pretty And very sweet
And I have wanted to ask you For like 600 weeks
Sorry if that makes me a creep
I'm so tall and I'm Jewish
And you're Jewish
We're both Jewish
And Jews should stick together
Because there's not that many of us
So let me go to prom with you
Don't say no, don't say no
Don't say no
- Don't say no, don't say no
- Wow, that was great.
That was... doesn't that...
Okay. Email tonight,
meeting adjourned, thank you guys.
Look, I know I'm no Heath Ledger,
but I know you like big gestures so...
Prom is my prom date
and it should be yours too.
I mean, dude, the ukulele...
Seriously? Have some self-respect.
Yeah, but he planned
the whole thing though.
Pretty fucking cute.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Guys, I just had a serious CRAFT moment.
What did you play, Light as a feather,
stiff as a board? I love that game.
No. So I was sitting in the library,
and guess who walks in.
- Hey. Rebecca.
- Hey. What's up?
- A little light reading I see?
- Yeah.
My parents never done one,
so I'm just trying to sort through
and this one's my personal reading.
Ah, well, uh,
you know, sometimes
there's just no reason at all
- and there's nothing pure about it.
- Yeah.
Right.
I'll just, uh, you know,
- finish the shift.
- Yeah, nice seeing you.
She rockin she drinkin she turning She rolling she smoking sweating
She's sweating I hold her She about to go and she going shake
She rocking
She rocking only for dollars
For dollars they are from ballers
From ballers think she'll be
Your sexy flawless
Here's 26, 28, 30 inches
You taste it got a lot of ambition
You get a lot of woman bad bitches
Drop it, drop it, drop it
Girl get it get it
Pop it pop it drop it drop it rub it
Girl get it get it
Girl get it girl get it get it
What's up?
- Hey.
- Hey.
The water hot enough for you?
Have you ever masturbated to completion
next to a total stranger before?
Bemis is hot.
but in my fantasy,
it's Gore Vidal and Trent Reznor.
Is that fucking crazy?
Wait. So she knew you were masturbating?
She knew who I was fantasizing about.
I masturbate at school all the time,
it's a great burst of energy.
It totally focuses and relaxes you.
I'm never holding your hand again.
Okay. So, if you send a sext
to somebody and they text you back,
"O period K period", what do you reply?
Aaron Jakes is a douche.
Have you seen him again?
Just a few times,
late night at his house,
younger boy throwdown,
they do what you say.
Hm. Unless they turn you down.
Anyway, indifference
is the greatest aphrodisiac.
Yup, because Iceberg Slim said,
"You can't need the pussy."
And who is Iceberg Slim?
A great writer and renowned pimp.
- How did the meeting go, Meils?
- Dude, divorce stuff sucks.
My dad refuses to give Rosa benefits,
but then I see him and he gives me this.
That's fucking suck.
It's just such a fucking letdown,
you know.
And this bracelet's
like really fucking tacky.
- You should tell him it upsets you.
- No, you can't. He's a dick.
You might as well enjoy the perks.
I fucked up my eyeliner.
- This corner.
- Yeah.
Okay. So...
I have a little something.
It's Thomas' favorite.
Oh.
Happy birthday dear Thomas
Happy birthday to you
Okay. To Thomas. All right.
Here we go, all right.
That was the one, good cake.
Very good cake.
Taxi's here bellas.
All right ladies, let's throw on
some slutty dresses and get fucked up.
- Is that what you're wearing?
- Yeah, I'm over it.
Give me my shot, give me my shot
Give me my shot, keep calm
Give me my shot, give me my shot
Give me my shot, keep calm
Give me my shot, give me my shot
Give me my shot, keep calm
All right. Let's get schwatsy faced,
zanzi-bars? Shrooms?
I don't care, whatever, I'll get weird.
I'm gonna grab that blunt
from the Travises. Travis!
Oh.
Okay. I'm, I'll go to the bathroom.
A lot of Wagner biographies.
You go to Catcher High?
That's a bummer.
Uh-hmm. You a Path girl?
Hmm.
Enjoy yourself.
Yeah, you too.
Psst. Madame President?
What the fuck?
Were you waiting out here
for me with a joint?
I was. Uh, it's an apology joint.
No. I should apologize.
You were really sweet. I was...
I was a really big bitch, I'm sorry.
No. You weren't a bitch, you weren't.
I, it's, most guys look so cool to you
and I thought that I would join the ranks
of those great uke players, but, uhm...
I found out
that I'm not one of those guys,
and I feel really bad
that I embarrassed you, I, I didn't...
- I'm just not that kind of girl.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Uhm, and, and plus,
- Okay.
I already have dates.
I thought prom was your date?
Well, the girls and I
were probably gonna go together.
Yeah, but, I mean, who are they
gonna dance with during slow songs?
You'll be the one running shit,
they can't dance with you.
Besides, I thought it might be nice
if you have someone to give you their coat
if you get cold.
Fuck. I'm a bitch.
That would be nice. You...
You're so nice, you are. It's just,
I have a lot of things...
I'm not that nice.
Okay. So, let's just hold our horses.
- I'm here with my girls.
- Oh, no. No. No. Don't...
Look, it's dark outside,
you're probably really drunk,
I could be anyone to you.
So, if we're gonna do this,
you need to come over
in the afternoon,
it's much better lighting.
Give me your phone.
You are really fucking nice. Thank you.
- See you.
- Bye.
Bye. Thank you.
Fuck yeah.
Well, this is fucking cute.
Meanwhile, my chocolate chunk prom date
is over there feeling on some
just-started-birth-control-titties.
Fuck Aaron Jakes
and screw that tiny Tinkerbell cunt.
I mean, what are we gonna do
about tree next year?
That East Coast weed
is some schwag-ass shit.
I feel like we're gonna be doing,
like, cool, like, brooding winter drugs,
like, opium,
you know?
Chloe? Earth to Chloe.
What's up?
I, uhm,
I got into NYU this morning.
- You better fucking stop.
- Oh, my God.
- Dude?
- Really?
- Hm-mmm.
- What? What's wrong?
You love Ol' West City.
I think I wanna go to UCSB,
like, be close to my mom and stuff.
Have you to talked to Lil?
Oh, sorry, excuse me. Hey.
Hey. They attached a trash bag
to a vaporizer, it's fucking dope, hit it.
Wait, what happened to your lip?
Younger boy throwdown?
You fought a little boy?
Mmm. Yeah.
- What? Did I miss something?
- ...are star people.
Oh, my God, somethings off
in PussTown USA. I'm so sorry.
Uh, ah, Chloe, I know I said get weird
and do shrooms and shit,
maybe, maybe you're getting
a little too weird?
There's nothing weird about
just hanging with your prom date.
But hold on,
what about those shrooms, though?
It's disgusting,
there's splash everywhere.
Damn it.
Cops, cops with dogs.
Shit. Go. Go.
- Ah. Becks. Where's Becks? Where...
- Find her. Find her, meet me outside, go.
Got a little roof on there. A little roof.
Oh, what the...
Ah! Ah! What the fuck! Really?
- Becks.
- Becks? Becks.
- No.
- Cops, cops, cops. Come on.
Guys, I pulled out two tampons.
- Dude, gross.
- I know.
- How long were they in there?
- One was mummified.
- So, they're like all...
- Yeah.
- Like a loom.
- No.
Like Penelope fighting off suitors.
Okay. Come on, we got to go. Come on.
All right.
Party's over, let's go.
Where are you ladies going?
- Uhm...
- Yeah?
Our friend Rebecca here
just had two tampons inside of her,
and it was quite a struggle
to get them out.
Maybe you, you have a, a daughter
and you know how difficult tampons
can be sometimes.
Yeah. She's got a point.
Nora just turned 13.
I spent an hour outside the bathroom
yelling through the door,
"Just shove it up there." Tampons.
All right, ladies, that's it, come on,
party's over. Let's go. Be safe. Come on.
Thank you, officers. Thank you.
- Anyone else?
- Oh, oh, oh.
There is this book,
it's called It's Perfectly Normal,
it talks about everything
from discharge to tampons,
you should really check it out.
Thank you so much.
That's the most times
Ive heard the word tampon ever.
Did she just say discharge?
Hey.
Croissants to soak up the poison
that is rotting in your stomachs.
Oh, Mr. Bemis loves croissants.
I feel like your period
is punctuated by two huge dumps,
- one at the beginning and one at the end.
- Oh, we're synched. Mc-lin-tock.
Yeah, I'm just happy,
I wont have it at prom.
Oh, yeah, which apparently
you are going to with Sam,
- that's a subtle ditch, Judas.
- Oh, your face. I cant. Too hung over.
Where's the tree?
I think were Treeless in Seattle.
- Not even One Tree Hill?
- Nothing.
All Ive got are these weird
weed mint strips.
Those even work?
I don't know, well see.
Either have really fresh breath
or we'll be really high.
Cheers.
- Cheers bitches.
- Mazel tov.
I Am Legend is how it will happen.
Someone will invent a cure for cancer
and the vaccine will make everyone
a zombie brain-eater.
I Am Legend?
Okay...
Would you rather have penises for fingers
or vaginas for ears?
Hmm, do the penises get hard?
Yes.
Okay. But like can you control them
when they're hard?
The thing with dick fingers,
is that you cannot wear rings,
but if you have vaginal ears,
you can wear earrings.
Like bling?
- Like Vling.
- Vling.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, girl,
listen, listen, listen.
Yeah, what's up? Okay. What if
you have dick fingers and vagina ears?
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Like, oh,
like I've literally fucked my brains out.
I've got brains coming out of my nose
and jizz all over my head
and I haven't even made dinner yet.
I'm making hamburger helpers.
Eww.
- Liv!
- Liv!
- Oh yeah. Here's my baby sister!
- There she is.
Wait, Liv, youre in sixth grade?
- Yeah?
- Dude,
- my boobs were so big at sixth grade.
- That is...
Yeah. That is the best fucking year,
- it's gonna be the best year of your life.
- I hope not.
- I promise.
- I hope you're the best.
I promise.
Oh no. Lil, I think Stella
ate your breath strips.
Oh, Stella.
You guys really like fresh breath.
Stella.
How are you feeling girl?
Trippin' balls...
Huge, sweaty balls...
You're gonna get through this.
I don't know man...
Oh. Her breath smells like someone
hot boxed a toothpaste factory.
Prom tickets, 15 dollars.
Seriously guys, they're 15 bucks.
Okay. After party tickets,
Forty bucks apiece. Leggo.
This is bullshit,
why do they want your tickets?
Look, after Party is more important
than prom, all right?
Prom is just an excuse for girls
to get fancy dresses and fake tans.
And to make memories
in a beautiful atmosphere,
all right, expertly created
- by dedicated Student Council members.
- Hm-mmm.
Look, you care too much. They smell it.
Look, wanting people to be happy
and have a good time, that's a bad thing?
No, it's just letting people
have a good time is better.
Thank you.
Look, you know, its fine
that you asked Chloe to prom,
but you should've talked to me first.
What about bro code?
Im sorry. I didnt want to upset you,
- okay?
- Whatever. It's cool.
I mean, I guess if she's not gonna go
with me, youre the next best thing.
All right. We good?
Yeah, we're cool.
- All right, thank you.
- All right.
Oh, God.
Meils. Meils, are you okay?
I came here to give that
little piece of shit a piece of my mind.
Piece of shit? Oh.
Aaron Jakes. You know that little
taint-troll? Is he around here?
All right, you know, you take that,
I'm gonna get this one home.
- Please do.
- All right. Let's go.
Oh, shit, better grab Liv, come on.
Aaron?
I love him.
Liv...
whats wrong?
I got in trouble, because James
wrote something really gross
in my paper on governments.
- What?
- James,
he must've gone
on the computer when it was up.
What did it say?
In the paragraph on oligarchies it said,
"I like to sneak in
and watch my dad take showers."
Its not funny.
Hes so mean, it really hurts me.
Older brothers are gonna make fun of you.
All right? That's just what they do.
James just sees you as a kid right now,
soon enough you'll be friends.
But seriously, you have to admit.
"I sneak in and watch my dad
take showers", that's funny.
Wait, who told you guys about that?
Okay. That only happened once, okay?
And Liv, it was really scary.
Never do it, okay?
It's like,
it's like an angry sea monster.
Hey, look, look,
I'll talk to James, all right?
- All right.
- Okay. Love you.
- Love you. Bye.
- Bye.
-Bye, Liv.
- Bye.
- Jesus.
Ugh, fuck. I want froyo.
Hey, do you think were fucked up,
because of our fucked up relationships
with our dads?
Uh, you dont have a relationship
with your dad.
You know what I mean.
Well, yeah, I mean,
everyone's dad fucks them up.
Like, I see my dad and I'm like,
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
But then, you know, I wanna see him
and I still want him to wanna see me.
Yeah.
I mean, I never felt like I needed mine.
I always have my mom, I have you guys.
Mmm, but either your dad fucks you up,
because he's not there
or your dad fucks you up,
because he's there
and honestly
nobody can live up to that shit.
Right.
But I guess, until then,
he's still gonna get laid, right?
Yeah.
Hey, dickwad,
can I talk to you for a second?
Your little essay addition,
you have anything to say about that?
Oh! You're repulsive.
That is disgusting. God, dear God.
Okay.
You know how many peoples' games you just
ruined? Abduls gonna be pissed at me.
Oh, cry me a river, Leroy Jenkins.
Dude, this is serious.
It's a joke.
She's not gonna get in trouble.
No, its not about school, its about her.
Poor thing, she thinks that you hate her.
She needs you. Look,
were the only other people who know
what weve been through, all right? And...
you know, pretty soon, your friends,
they're gonna wanna bang her
and if you're not nicer,
- she, she's probably gonna do it.
- Dude, dont talk about my friends
- fucking my baby sister.
- Look, you talked about her peep-holeing
her own dad in writing,
in writing to her teacher.
Uh, yeah, but that's funny,
because we don't have a dad.
Seriously?
Noah
Hang? I'm nearby.
- Where are you going?
- Read a book.
And this is
where the magic happens.
This is awesome.
Thanks. How was your day?
Uh, It was, it was good. Uhm, that guy Ken
was a dick in Academic Journal.
Theres this like, this freshman girl...
Oh, my God. This is really out of tune.
It's horrible.
So there's this freshman girl who wears
those kind of like risqu stuff
and he makes these gross comments about it
and she's so fucking schevvy like...
Young male teachers have a hard time
handling a burgeoning young woman, so...
Yes, well, you are very burgeoning.
Look, I'll talk to him,
if he's got a problem with her,
he should really
have a female counselor speak to her.
I, uhm, I wasn't listening
to anything you just said.
See, you would've missed all this
in the dark, drunken stupor of the party.
- Hey, that just tickles.
- Yeah.
I got it.
Wow.
Can I take these off?
That is so hot that you asked,
yes, please, take them off.
Okay. So, uhm...
I'm gonna get really quiet, but it,
it's not that it doesn't feel good.
It's, it's because that it does
and I just wanna focus on that moaning.
It's too distracting.
11 minutes later...
Keep going. Right there, I'm gonna cum.
Okay, wait.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Fuck me.
Okay.
You're fucking beautiful.
Okay. Reciprocity.
- What?
- Take these off.
Oh, fuck.
Look moi. No hands.
That's awesome.
Oh, fuck.
Afternoon Delight is the best.
- Hey.
- You're amazing.
Yeah. Yeah, that was, that was awesome.
I'm gonna... a lot of energy
for the game now. Thanks.
Hey, so, uhm, listen. Would you ever
wanna come over to my house
and, like, have dinner with my parents
and just, like, hang out with my family?
Uhm, yeah, I, I would love to come over
and meet your parents as a mentor,
guidance figure in your life. But, uhm,
I mean, they'll really like me
and you'll like that and that's, that's,
that's just bad news for everyone, so...
Well, well, I mean, I already like you.
Like, I'm not trying to date you.
I, I know that you have to leave soon
and my crazy ex would kill me if...
What, the one from Catcher?
Yeah. Yeah.
They're gonna play her tonight.
You got to watch out. She got wind
of this and she's, she's really pissed.
All right, ladies,
we want a good, clean game.
Tough with these messy skanks.
- Excuse me?
- Call it.
- Heads.
- You would.
- What does that even mean?
- Heads it is.
Run that shit.
Independent women.
- You know, he was at my place last night.
- Well, that's cool. I'm a sharer.
Stay away from him, cock goblin.
Oh.
Boo!
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
- What the fuck?
Ref, your voicemail box is full,
you missed the ball.
No one's gonna go for that...
Done, bitch.
Keanu Reeves's mother
is actually Asian.
So, that's why The Matrix is pretty
cool.
Because, uh, some say it's based on
Baudrillard's Simulacra and Simulation,
but he refuted the comparison.
It's not even a thing.
I can't believe
what a raging bitch Noah's ex is.
Guys like crazy girls.
Yeah, I'm not getting involved
with that shit.
I am not playing The Boy is Mine
my last week of senior year.
Yo. You two right here?
You two were too fucking amazing tonight.
You know that?
Yeah. You know that moment
when you just know
you're not gonna be
a professional athlete?
- Hm-mmm.
- I kind of have one tonight.
Mmm, well, that moment that you had,
comes a little later for black folk.
Yes, but I get you though. I do.
So, uhm, celebratory roll
- for your victory, though?
- Ooh.
- Where did you get this?
- You don't need to know.
Okay, guys, seriously,
just, like, drink lots of water.
- Stay hydrated, please.
- Let's see you on the other side.
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
Girl you workin' with some ass yeah
You bad yeah
Make a nigga spend his cash yeah
His last yeah
Hoes frown when you pass yeah
They mad yeah
You gon ride in the jag yeah With that head
You could smoke or buy a bag yeah Of grass yeah
Got money I can flash yeah
And trash yeah
I'm a Big tymer nigga yeah
Pull the trigger yeah
A playa hata flipper yeah
Grave filla yeah
I be slangin wood yeah...
Water.
Open up.
Oh!
Tastes like butter.
Yes.
- Lil, I have to tell you something.
- You're gay?
Called it.
There's this...
pre-frosh thing at UCSB this weekend.
Yeah. And it's prom. Fuck that, right?
I think I'm gonna go.
Oh, you're getting into NYU.
I don't even know if
that's a hundred percent what I wanna do.
What?
I don't know. Maybe this could be
like a good thing for us, have some space.
What's up? Excuse us.
This table is like, you know,
it's not tight, you know.
It's, it's, like, too confined.
You know, it's too tight.
I don't know what I'm fucking saying.
Let's dance. Let's do that.
Dude, I love you, okay?
Let's not let this ruin our trip, okay?
- Talk about it tomorrow?
- Hm-mmm.
When we're sober, okay? All right.
Call me Big Daddy
When you back that azz up
Hoe who is you playin' wit
Back that azz up
Girl you looks good won't you back...
She's beyond this now.
She's beyond high school.
She's beyond prom. She's beyond you.
No, no, no.
You have to tell her how you feel.
- Just...
- That was like beautiful.
What? Shit. Fuck.
I didn't see you there.
Are you okay?
I peed myself.
And it was like how warm, you know.
And now, now I'm right here.
- Okay.
- Where are you going?
All right. Hold on.
- All right, cheers, ladies.
- Cheers.
I know you can't stand it
Dick bandit done landed
See your drawers handed
Freak to get it
Y'all game spit at y'all
Put the bitch on the wall
And I hit it y'all
Lookin' kind of lonely
I'm feelin' horny put the dick
Are you okay?
I feel like my heart's gonna explode.
Uhm, what hurts you?
I got pain in my chest,
a raging fire in my stomach,
and a desire to kill someone
and die at the same time.
Are you allergic to gluten?
Hi, I, uh, I'm Mike.
- Yeah.
- We met at the...
Yeah, yeah, I remember. Uhm, Lily. Sorry.
Uhm, whatever it is you're mad about,
I'm sure it's not that bad.
Or maybe it is. Okay.
Fine motherfucker
Won't you back that azz up
Call me Big Daddy
When you back that azz up
Hey, do you wanna go out somewhere,
like, it's a little bit quieter?
Would you go upstairs with me?
Can we go upstairs?
- Absolutely.
- Great.
Man, you are sexy. Fuck.
Uhm...
Those are for a balloon party.
We're not, we're not having sex.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Oh, my God, you're so wet.
- Oh!
- Whoa, dude...
Okay, that was really...
that was really tricky.
- Mike, stop. Mike, stop.
- Hold on.
- Hold on, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come.
- Mike. Get off. Get off.
Can I have my underwear, please?
- No.
- You look really bad, Lil.
Have you seen Chloe
or Amelia or Becks anywhere?
I'm pretty sure they all left.
I saw them walking outside.
- They left?
- Yeah. Sorry.
I'm headed to Moreno Street.
Oh! My face hurts.
Morning sluts.
Hey, are you okay?
Oh, sorry about the leaving confusion.
We couldn't find you for hours and then
Alicia the Cunt said you'd already left.
Yeah, what the fuck happened?
We couldn't find you. Your phone was off.
We were in the tree house.
Yeah, what happened to you?
Last night was really fucked up.
- Yeah, we're pretty fucked up, right?
- No, you guys were fucked up to me.
Guess you wanted
to get it in with Sam now,
since you can't at prom, huh?
- Why are you acting like this?
- I'm just trying to be honest.
Chloe is not going to prom.
Chloe is going to orientation at UCSB.
You guys knew?
I had a feeling.
I hadn't heard from NYU,
UCSB was sounding like the smart option,
Lil. Maybe the thing that I wanna do.
Oh, you hadn't heard?
And, and now you know, right?
And you didn't tell me?
I didn't wanna say anything
before prom and ruin anything.
Ruin anything?
What about our fucking lives, Clo?
- Calm down, Lily. This is good for us.
- Yeah. Yeah. This is great.
Let's all just be alone,
that's a great way to go through life.
You know what?
Last night was a little preview.
You are fucked up and you're confused
and you're feeling all sorts
of new emotions and then all of a sudden,
you're in a dark room
with some sweaty guy on top of you,
- but none of your friends will care,
- What?
because none of your friends
are gonna be there
and you're gonna be
absolutely fucking on your own.
- What happened to you last night?
- What happened?
Nothing. A guy was...
was goal-oriented,
it was shitty. I'm fine,
but you guys ditched me
and that is not fine.
Lily, you went off
with some dude and didn't tell us?
- That's not our fault, Lil. We're...
- That's easy for you to say,
you're turning your back on us.
What are you, you think
you're gonna find some new best friends?
What? I owe you,
so I can't make any new friends?
All, I'm just saying, like,
how could you be friends
with someone who didn't know Thomas?
Are you fucking serious?
I can't be friends with anyone
who didn't know my dead brother?
Jesus fucking Christ, Lily.
He didn't die
so we could be best friends forever.
We can still all be best friends.
- Yeah.
- No. No, because she is fucking up
the friend ecosystem.
Like, I'm the glue here, but without Clo,
your boy crazy ass
is gonna be with some dude.
Your fuckin' head
is gonna be in the clouds.
Yeah, my head's in the clouds,
because Im, like, worrying about
paying for loans and school and shit
that's never even entered your mind.
Yeah, and I'm boy crazy?
Guys drive you fucking nuts, dude.
Look, you don't deal. Your dad is gone.
The guy that you were in love with, died.
- I'm sorry for the truth bomb.
- You know what?
Lil, I'm just thinking about it.
Every guy you've loved, has left.
Okay, fuck! Fuck. I'm not trying
to psychoanalyze myself right now.
- I'm outta here.
- This is your house.
Yeah, make yourself at fucking home.
This is an awkward moment,
but I feel like, uh, I have a coffee date,
potential roommate situation.
Could you drive me?
- I got you.
- Okay.
Okay. She's gonna go. That was fucked up.
Come on. Let's go.
Hey. Lil.
What the fuck is going on with you?
I can't believe
you don't wanna go to school with me.
and I seriously cannot believe
that you lied to me about it.
This is fucking bullshit. You are
too smart to be acting this pathetic.
You clearly don't understand at all
- where I'm coming from.
- No, clearly you don't understand.
All your cherishing every moment and prom
and your weird fucking memorials.
Since Thomas died, you've gone
into overdrive. It's fucking oppressive.
Yeah, this terrible thing happened
and I'm just trying to get us through it.
I'm trying to make it better.
Yeah, this terrible thing happened,
but it doesn't mean everything else
has to be peachy fucking keen, Lily.
Meils' parents still suck,
Becks still has to worry about money,
your dad is still gone,
I still have to deal with the gaping
fucking hole that's left in my family.
- Life is hard and it keeps being hard.
- Clo, I know that.
This has been really tough for me, too.
- Oh, my God.
- And every time I try to talk to you
- about it...
- Okay, but we are different, Lil.
- Our shit is different.
- Yeah. I miss him, too.
Okay. Well, you know what?
Sometimes you don't get to tell me that.
Youre right, I, I'm not blood,
but he was something else for me.
Dude, whatever you thought he was,
- he was actually my brother.
- Dude, I know.
And I, I, was, I was trying
to make this time special.
All right? I was trying to make our future special,
because, Clo, I don't know what I would do if I lost you.
Stop. Stop.
Oh, my God, I can't...
with this psycho girlfriend act.
This isn't you and I know it.
I'm okay alone
It makes my soul stir
Under microscopes
Oh. How adorable.
You know, college is gonna be
so great. We don't need any friends.
Yeah. We can totally reinvent ourselves
as sloppy skanks who don't need anyone
and gain 15 pounds.
God, shit buckets.
Fuck.
- Hello.
- What's going on back there?
- I'm sorry, I, I was...
- Texting?
- Thinking?
- Well...
you can't just stay still,
you have to keep moving.
- I know.
- And other people have places
- to go, too, so you can't stop them.
- No, I, I know that.
There is a whole life happening
all around you and you can't control it
just by stopping whenever you please
and decide everybody else
just have to fall into place.
I get it, fuck!
Have you been smoking?
No.
Then what's that bong in the backseat?
Oh, that donk... That's funny. That's a, a sculpture that I, I
made in school. It is. I, we're, I, I'm Student Body President.
I'm a good kid. I am. I just,
I have a lot on my plate right now.
I'm so stressed out.
I, I, I'm graduating.
- Right now...
- Are you going to college?
Yeah, Columbia.
- It's a university.
- Oh, it is? It's not just a country?
Now, I wonder if the people at Columbia
would be excited to find out
that one of their future students
- was arrested for possession.
- What?
I don't know
what the fuck you're thinking
driving around with a bong
in the backseat of your car.
Who do you think you are, Willie Nelson?
Now, even he got arrested.
You're arresting me?
All right. Look, I'm not,
I'm not gonna ruin your life forever.
Oh, thank God. Thank you.
But I am gonna fuck it up
for about a week.
God,
you could be in jail right now.
I can't believe
you would do something so stupid!
Mom, I'm a really safe driver.
I was just distracted.
Yeah, but...
Lil...
- Smash it.
- No.
- Yes.
- Mom.
This is Donkey Bong.
All right? He has been with us
through all of high school.
Thomas smoked out of this.
Smash it.
I wasn't even smoking. I was sad driving!
What's sad driving?
Rebecca was,
she was sitting with her new roommate.
Chloe's not going to NYU.
She fucking hates me
and she's, she's ditching prom
for the orientation of her new life.
Okay. So, be happy for her,
you should be supportive of her choices.
But her choices, they're wrong.
Shes making a huge mistake.
She is ruining our lives.
Lily, she wants a change.
It's not some affront
to what you guys share together.
- Yes, it is. That's exactly what it is.
- No...
No wonder she wants to get away from you.
- Mom, why are you yelling at me
- Because
- about this?
- You're being a monster.
You think you know everything?
You don't know shit.
Now learn your lesson
and smash your bong!
Really good parenting, mom.
Well, fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck.
Hey, this is Chloe.
Leave a message.
Hey, guys, it's Meils.
Uhm, I don't check my messages. So...
see you when I see you, motherfucker.
Hi, it's Rebecca. I'm not here
right now, so leave a message. Bye.
Bergbaum-Goldwyn Residence One.
Hi Rosa, uhm, is Chloe over there?
Chloe, Beck, Melia. Where are you?
You need any help, Madame President?
Stop.
I, uh, I couldn't find you
at the party the other night.
- I wanted to congratulate you...
- It's a little vicious, huh?
- What?
- You and Jessica are still involved.
- Don't you think that's a little hurtful?
- Jessica and I have a bond,
but her being completely insane keeps us
from ever being in a relationship.
We're not together.
I like spending time with you.
I care about you.
Yeah, well, I don't wanna be that girl.
Yeah, you made that pretty clear
when you blew-and-dashed the other day.
- You couldn't turn me down fast enough.
- Yeah, clearly,
because you were shoving your tongue
down your ex's throat a few hours later.
Wait, I wanted to be with you
and now you're jealous?
Oh God. Don't flatter yourself.
You know, for someone who's so nice,
you're actually kind of a bitch.
- Wow.
- Wow what?
Are you gonna talk to me?
No? Okay, awesome. Fuck you.
Whatever.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's wrong?
- Everything.
No, it's just prom shit. What's up?
Uhm...
It's stupid but, uhm...
What's Chloe's favorite color?
- It's for her corsage.
- She's not going.
Oh. And so she's, uh,
going to the pre-frosh orientation thing.
Yeah, right, of course you knew.
Oh, uh, well, she had mentioned
something about it.
Okay. I got to go get streamers.
It's green, for what it's worth.
Thanks.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
What are you doing?
Figuring out what to wear to prom.
Paper bag should do.
Oh, you mean on your body.
Stop.
- Are you on your period?
- Yes.
I think that actual steam
just came out of your ears.
This is pretty.
Dude, no, do not.
You're gonna stretch it.
My slender boyish figure
is the stuff that trannies dream of.
Talk.
Mom's pissed at me.
Yeah, but you know she'll deal.
What's really going on?
All the girls hate me.
Which kind of makes sense,
I've pretty much sucked lately.
I mean, you are a freak. But,
uh, I mean, you've always been like that.
You know, I mean,
maybe you've been a bit, uh...
you know, like BFFAEAE this year
with your power pussy posse.
But, uh, you know,
I mean, your expiration dating.
You know, I mean, you taught me that.
It's like, uh, you know, like camp dude,
summer was over and he was like, uh,
he was like, "Oh, you're so hot,"
you know, "you give the best handys,
we're gonna AIM all the time
and all that shit."
It's like when you know things are ending,
you freak out, and you try to hold on
and then it gets weird waiting it out.
When did you get so wise?
I'm surrounded by brilliant women.
- You got to get a new mindset.
- What? Like an emotional pre-game?
It's like feel shitty or be alone.
You know, I mean, dad left
the night before our Disneyland trip.
You know, we didn't go. I mean,
that shit's gonna fuck me up
for the rest of my life, but it's chill.
C.A.R.L. 4ever
C.A.R.L. forever?
- Shut up.
- What are you, a gay trucker?
I'll leave you to wallow now.
- Take it off.
- Nope.
Hi, Robert, it's Jill.
Just calling, 'cause our daughter's
high school graduation is coming up...
Valedictorian.
Speech.
Gonna be a, a big one.
Yeah, could make up
for all the others that you missed,
maybe. Olivia and James are, are well.
They're becoming really...
just wonderful, smart people.
I think you'd really like them.
I do. I think you'd really like them.
Anyway, I'd say talk soon, but I think
we both know that's not gonna happen.
Okay? All right. Graduation, Tuesday.
If you give a shit, go fuck yourself.
Okay. Okay, goodbye.
Go fuck... Yeah. Go fuck yourself.
What?
It took a lot to introduce myself
I had to put my heart up on the shelf
Glug, glug, glug, in my glass,
then my tummy, and I will pee you out.
That night I got home
I was all alone
Oh, was it love
Or was I fooling myself
And I hope that time
Doesn't pass us by
Or am I fooling myself
Fooling myself
Fooling myself
It took a lot to introduce myself
I had to put my heart up on the shelf
I didn't know that it could be so hard
That night I got home I was all alone
And left to wonder
About the great unknown
Oh was it love
And I hope that time
Doesn't pass us by
Or am I fooling myself
Fooling myself
Fooling myself
And I hope that time
Doesn't pass us by
It was so funny, and then
I don't even know what's going on.
I can't believe
we're at prom though.
Thank God we got invited.
- But I need to be way more drunk.
- Me, too.
Oh. Slow your roll, girls,
the night is long.
Whiskey?
Why not?
- Hi.
- What's up?
You, uh, you look beautiful.
- You look beautiful.
- All right, thank you.
Uhm, look, I just really wanted
to apologize for, for getting all weird
and walking away from you
the other day in the library.
Loans categorically suck
and I'm still paying mine off.
So, you know, If you ever wanna talk,
I can imagine it's not the kind of thing
that gets,
gets a lot of attention around here.
Yeah, it's not really a big topic of
conversation amongst my friends. You know.
But, uhm, it's very cool
that you are dealing with it now.
- Got to do it, so...
- Yeah.
How's, uh, how's your date?
Uhm, it was just supposed
to be us girls, but things are changing.
Everyone's leaving, it's weird, you know.
Well, what endures
when all else has changed?
- It is love.
- It is love. Kierkegaard.
- Hm-mmm.
- I love that guy.
- Yeah.
- You know, poet.
Well, look, just tell them
your love hasn't changed.
You'll only get so many chances.
- You sad about leaving?
- Not really.
I'm just glad I have another year here.
I can't imagine leaving this place.
What are we doing?
You're leaving in a couple of months.
I, I don't know what Chloe's gonna do.
Hey, Lil, this isn't some fling.
I love you.
Hey.
Hey.
You came back.
Mr. Bemis: What's a fart that sounds
and smells like nothing? A Sartre
I hate boys.
I know. We're ready for men.
No. You know what I need right now?
I need my dudes, where the fuck is Lily?
I don't know. I wish Clo was here, too.
I miss our token white friends.
I know, it's ironic.
This just...
- Wasn't we had planned?
- Wasn't us.
God, that fuckhead Mike's in there.
They have fucked me up, just fucked up.
Lil, whatever happened
with that guy, I just...
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry.
I think I'm so fucking well-adjusted.
I'm not, I'm just this,
like, Stepford wife control freak.
I'm crazy.
And I'm so sorry
for being so intense about Thomas.
I just wanted to be sad together.
I get it, sometimes you don't wanna talk,
and he's not my brother,
and just because I was in love with him,
it doesn't mean...
He was in love with you, too, Lil.
I know.
He wrote me a letter about it.
Look, Lil...
It's gonna hurt forever.
It's part of who we are now.
Mourning what was
and what is,
is sad enough, Lil.
I just, I can't take on mourning
something that could have been.
And, you know, whatever it is,
whatever is gonna happen,
we're still gonna be us.
You're my life partner.
I'm sorry about your prom.
No, you are my prom.
Ready?
Oh! Look who decided to show.
- Come on, I couldn't miss prom.
- Hm-mmm.
Guys, I'm really sorry
for being such a psycho.
- It's okay.
- Yeah, it's okay.
You're like
the obsessive boyfriend I never had.
What is never changed
when everything's changed?
It is love.
Oh. I love you.
Now, I don't know what's gonna happen,
but I've got you guys,
- and that is pretty fucking good.
- Yeah, girl.
- Let's blow this joint.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Prom sucks.
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
Yes.
Have you seen the video
that she's talking about?
- No.
- It, it's the best.
- ...your fucking phone. Asshole.
- Why were you looking at my phone?
You can't look in my phone.
Hey, remember me?
Hey, how's it go...
- Oh!
- Shit!
- Go fuck yourself.
- Fuck, yeah!
That was awesome.
- Yeah. You can't fucking look...
- Fuck you.
- Hey.
- Shit, sorry you had to see that.
Everything okay?
Uhm, she's mad that I have a phone...
I guess.
I don't know. She's fucking crazy, man.
I shouldn't have brought her, that was...
a bad idea.
I have been such a dick to you
and I, I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to be. And I'm really sorry.
Noah, I've been kind of dick-like, too.
- Dickishness forgiven?
- Yeah.
Great. Come on. Let's go.
- Yay!
- Yo, now the party's here.
Last ones to leave,
classy girls.
Savoring every moment.
All right, ladies.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Oh, wait, wait, let me get a picture of you. - Oh, seriously?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- So let's take pictures,
- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, okay.
Oh, that's good. All right.
Freeze it, hold it.
She smashed brother's Donkey Bong?
Donkey Bong,
there with us through high school,
life, death, SATs, prom,
we only had a little bit of weed, but we
wanted to get, like, really, really high.
We bury you next to your brethren,
Jon Bong Jovi, Sean Bongery,
Bong Connery, "Ceci n'est pas une pipe."
You will be missed.
Oh.
Now, what do we do?
Hmm, I have to finish my grad speech,
but I almost don't give a fuck.
What do you have so far?
Mmm, I'm writing that on my phone.
- Well, stand up. Do it for us.
- Yeah.
- Hmm?
- Lily, Lily.
Okay. I've tried to put a name
on what I'm feeling.
It has to do with fear,
of the unknown, of change.
It's wrapped up in memory,
being in the places
that have contained your life.
It has the sense of too-soon nostalgia,
as if I deeply long
for what's right in front of me.
Then a friend said it, loss.
Is that what I'm feeling,
what it means to grow up?
Your growing familiarity
with an acceptance
of the pain of life's losses?
Growing up is understanding
what eases that pain, friendship.
A bond fused by tears, traumas,
hours logged in the same cars,
in front of the same TVs.
All of our memories
are wrapped up in each other.
It's the greatest gift
this place has given us,
and it's part of our loss today.
But the poet, Robert Penn Warren
gave a better definition of loss,
what loss can be if we approach it right.
"The process whereby
the pain of the past in its pastness
may be converted
into the future tense of joy."
Mr. Bemis.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Okay, uh, call me Immanuel.
- Immanuel? Really?
- Hm-mmm.
- Uhm, thank you for the flowers.
I'm glad you came.
God, what am I gonna do without you?
- You're the reason I come to school.
- Me, too. For you.
Look, I know it's wrong.
I'm 18, though.
Look, I just graduated, so...
I'm, I'm 24, but I have
the emotional maturity of like a 20 or...
- Right. Right. Right.
- maximum.
- Come, come meet my mom.
- Wow, uh...
I'm nervous. All right.
In the middle? Immanuel Bemis.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- I'm gonna get all of us.
- Amelia.
- Rosa.
Your brownies are so delicious,
everybody loves them.
Where did you, where did you get this?
Damn, I love to chill, dude.
- Hi.
- Congratulations.
You killed your speech.
I was crying the whole time.
- Thank you.
- Thanks. Yeah. It was great.
- Are we still on for dinner tomorrow?
- Yeah, motherfucker.
My mom is currently basting
the brisket as we speak, so, yeah.
- Amazing.
- Great.
Lily, I wanna get a family photo.
Okay. Go photo. I'm gonna stay here
and to really eat
- every single one of these brownies. - Okay. - Hey, guys.
- Go. Okay, wait, here she comes.
- All right. Go. Go. Go. Get in there.
- You just literally ruin it.
- Do something.
- Whoa.
- I'm sorry.
- Do something, uhm, adorable.
The monkeys. The monkeys.
- Aw. Do it.
- The monkeys.
Oh, there it is. There it is.
Good one. And we'll do that thing
where you guys hit a hundred times.
- And enough now. Come with me.
- Perfect.
- How are you doing?
- Little bro.
- How do you feel about everything?
- Free. I made it.
- And you're gonna miss the shit out of me.
- Do you feel all right about it?
- Yeah.
- I'll be right back.
What?
Rosa may have served the brownies
that I made for our private after party.
- What?
- What?
Just look.
- But how much weed's in them?
- Like an ounce.
- An ounce?
- Fuck.
- Maybe like four ounces.
- Four ounces?
- I thought we deserve to get high.
- Oh my God.
Your heads are so huge
in a good way.
Okay. Thanks, Rosa.
You know I throw hard in a motherfucker
It's like that go hard up In a motherfucker
And now my tracks getting plate up
In the club that ketamine's lean
But it's better than drugs what
Yo I'm trying to move this brand
Trying to get up
Till it's cracking like Petland
We seen a drought
Now we're wading through the wetlands
I could be the girl chick
I could be the yes man
But I think I catch
A Law and Order marathon
Send a couple texts
Put a motherfucking Snuggie on
I'm sorry, mama
That I am not a doctor
That I rap about the vag
And I smoke marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I'm talking that shit
When I smoke marijuana juana
Marijuana juana
Marijuana juana
I guess you win some and lose some
But my fortune cookies
Have always read true son
I got a mouth
From the motherfucking west
An involuntary underdog
Motherfucking Mets
And all these sneak bitches
Hop up on the train
They squirt when I spit
So yeah I make it rain
They scream when I hit
I know exactly what they say
I love Awkwafina
Just like Gucci Gucci Mane
But I think I catch
A Law and Order marathon
Send a couple texts
Put a motherfucking Snuggie on
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I rap up about the vag
And I smoke marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I'm talking that shit
When I smoke marijuana juana
Marijuana juana marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I rap up about the vag
And I smoke marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I'm talking that shit
When I smoke marijuana juana
Marijuana juana marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry mama
And I smoke marijuana
I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry mama
And I smoke marijuana juana
It's the motherfucking D-I double-G
Rah, Rah, Rah Digga, y'all
La-da-da-da-da
You're rocking with the L-Y-R-I-C
Yeah, yeah, yeah
East Coast to West Coast
In this motherfucker
What, what, what, what
Yo' roll that weed up
Slice it up
Ha, what's up Jones?
Help Jones headphone
Better turn that shit up
You gotta dig your own hole
About to divvy it up
Ski mask, weight toy
Now we hooking back up
And when they bang this in the club
You got to get up
Straight who jaboo
How we living it up
Murder was the case on Snoop
They ain't locking him up
Taking chances while we rapping
In the party for sure
Slipping with my ball forward
No ID for the dough
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm like Sisyphus
I'm bound to push rock
Other MCs are such jokes
I call them Knocks Knocks
Your mom wears Crocs
While she's sucking cock
I float so hard
You're gonna need a smock
Yeah, horses wear shoe
But do horses wear socks?
Call me fucking Freddy
'cause I got it on lock
I smoke weed
I don't fuck with a rock
My flow's so regular
Like a motherfucking clock
Hold up, wait
All these niggaz thinkin we soft
We don't play
We gon' rock it
Til the wheels fall off
Hold up, wait
- Ready?
- Yeah.
Take a seat
Hope you're ready...
Where the dick at?
Smoke weed everyday
First prom with my dudes.
It's hot. I need something to drink.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Making you thirsty?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Having fun?
- Yeah, I'm having fun.
- The fields, field of dreams.
- Yup.
And that's home base.
- Did I get that right?
- No, that's the pitcher's...
- That's the pitcher's mound.
- You don't have an idea.
There is home base.
- And that's where you stand?
- Yeah, yeah.
Where all your dreams came true.
Yeah.
Are you sad about graduating?
Not really. Are you?
Chloe and I are gonna come visit you...
obviously.
I'm just glad I have another year here.
I can't imagine leaving this place.
I think if you do it right,
it never really leaves you.
Sorry, I just heard that
and threw up in my own mouth.
I hope you're right.
Hey! Come on. Limo's here.
Let's get some double-doubles.
Okay. Be right there.
Oh, my God,
I got so wasted last night.
So, wait, what happened?
The bouncer wouldn't let you in
with your In-N-Out.
Which was obviously unacceptable.
Right. So, that's when we hoisted
you over the wall of the patio.
And then,
you fall into the cactus.
Oh, dude. They're everywhere.
It's like I was giving blowies
in the desert all night.
Oh, fuck. I have work tomorrow.
Yeah, I have a practice exam
in the morning.
All right.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye.
- I love you.
- Bye.
Bye.
Okay. To the homestead?
Thomas wants us to come
to Top of the World.
- Cool.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Would you rather
lose all the hair on your body
or be a prostitute for a week?
- Prostitute for a week.
- Easily.
You didn't even hear the parameters.
No hair whatsoever,
no eyebrows, no lashes.
Oh, please. Come on.
I pay good money to have hot wax
rip most of that shit
out of my body anyway.
Yeah, for real.
But seriously, feel how smooth.
Is it good?
It might be cool
to be all slithery like a dolphin.
I don't think I'd do well as a prostitute.
I'd definitely end up a truck-stop boy.
I'd be an escort, but I'd only take jobs
from Johns who, like,
- wanted to be dominated and stuff.
- Yeah.
You guys have always sucked at this.
Whatever. Your go-to used to be
fart out of your mouth or sweat piss?
Still a valid question.
You lack imagination.
Can't believe school's in your hands now.
It's all downhill.
Every year says that.
And this bitch will be president
and these things will be extra special.
All right. Come on.
I'm tired as balls. Let's get out of here.
Thomas, I told mom
we'd be home soon.
Xi'an dinner tomorrow night?
- Oh, definitely.
- Okay.
We got to hit all the usual spots
before you go.
Okay. Bye, Thomas.
See you at home.
Don't be too long. Mom's gonna be pissed.
Love you.
Love you, girls.
Today we mark a moment
we will never understand,
that life stops.
A son, a brother,
a friend was taken from us.
I've tried to take comfort in the fact
that we are now
the stewards of his story...
...of his joy,
of his life.
We must hold on to that and to each other.
Oh, my God. Chloe,
we're so sorry. He meant so much to us.
No. Not right now. No.
What other way is there to heal
the pain than to think of him and cry,
and laugh, and be together?
Mint?
I'm gonna chug it.
Oh! My eyes.
Oh shit. You guys, we're late for yoga.
Namast-gay.
Oh. I got to meet with Student Council
Noah about prom.
You, you have your college meeting, yeah?
Oh, yeah. I should roll.
- Love you.
- Love you, bye.
Okay. So it's all finished?
- Pretty much.
- Okay. Great.
Are you sure you want to shut down
a full road for a red carpet?
Yes. Big gestures are very important.
Okay. So, what I'm thinking...
Hey, Lil.
Top of the afternoon, Guy.
Aren't you supposed to be
in my class right now?
Aren't you supposed to be
in your class right now?
- This never happened.
- What never happened?
Here you go.
Okay. I'm super excited.
I'm gonna plaster these around.
I'm thinking bathroom stalls.
Because people taking shits
are a very captive audience.
Ooh. Yeah. I like the way you move.
- Yeah. Bye.
- Bye.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How'd it go?
Uh, waitlist. Should find out this week.
She just keeps telling me
to think positive thoughts.
Sometimes I just wanna punch her
in her third eye.
I guess if I don't get in,
Santa Barbara wouldn't be that bad.
No. Hm-mmm.
You're going to NYU
and I'm going to Columbia.
We're gonna be life partners forever.
God, imagine how many times
we've walked these halls and thought
three months, two months, two weeks.
How the fuck did we get here?
"Time has a terrible way of fleeting by."
My mom wrote that to me
in a letter when I was eight.
Okay. I got to dump out.
I can't believe
you like shitting at school.
I'm very comfortable here.
So...
- Yo! What's up?
- Hey.
Just the girl I was looking for.
- Oh, Sam.
- Jared.
Jared. Hey guys, what's up?
So, we got a create-a-party tomorrow
at Carrie's and I need to spread the word.
- Hold on.
- Uh-oh.
I know what this is.
Hi, guys.
Hi. So, it was a really good day
at Path Less Taken, wasn't it?
Yeah, this guy knows
what I'm talking about. Cool.
Okay. So we only have
two weeks left, right?
- We need to cherish...
- And so, at prom, you two going together?
Well, yeah. Mein Fuhrer 's orders.
Yeah, she used to pencil in our playdates.
Prom, May 18th, it's gonna be
the best night of your life.
- But it's a shame though.
- I promise you.
- Buy tickets, please.
- I look fine in a tux.
Please, please.
Also, party at Carrie's tomorrow night.
Yes, thank you.
- Bye.
- Here you go.
Hey.
- Yo.
- Yo.
- Pretty good, huh?
- Mmm, that was nice.
- Bemis alarm. 3:00.
- Oh. Ooh,
Bemis.
Bite my penis.
- Bemis is really hot.
- I know, right?
I like his wizard glasses.
Yeah, I'd let him Harry Potter this.
You should hide Donkey Bong better.
Come on. We need him around.
His last days of high school, too.
So we'll pick up tree
then meet at my house, yeah?
- For sure.
- Okay. Bye.
Becks.
Beck.
Rebecca, come on.
Becks.
Give it to me now
I wanna li-li-li-lick you
From your head to your toes
And I wanna move from the bed
Down to the down to the to the floor
And I wanna ah-ah
You make it so good
I don't wanna leave
But I got to kn-kn-kn-know
What was your fantasy
I wanna li-li-li-lick you
From your head to your toes
Hello? Yeah, father.
Divorce meeting tomorrow, remember?
Why don't you call her?
Bye.
Are you f...
Hey, don't text and drive.
From Dad, "Your mother is a bitch."
Is everything okay?
Do you ever feel like your parents only
see you as an extension of their own ego
and have no regard
for your personal happiness
as an autonomous human being?
Yes. And they just don't know how to
support you in the ways that you need,
and that makes you feel alienated,
and then you feel guilty
for feeling alienated,
and then you resent them
for making you feel guilty
for feeling alienated, but the truth is
they just don't have the capacity
to understand or care?
Yeah. Hold on.
What were you and Bemis talking about?
Ugh. So, I gave a great presentation
on Kant today,
and then found this in my locker.
"I KANT stand this KUNT."
That's actually pretty clever.
Well, fuck you, because Bemis
said that my unpacking
of the third formulation was enlightened.
Mmm. Are you sure he wasn't talking
about the unpacking of his cock?
That... Ten and two.
Jesus.
Who goes there? What up?
- What up?
- Okay, okay. I knew it was you.
Thank you for putting up
my draconian security protocol.
How y'all doing? Have a seat.
Uh, I laid out
a little sample sale here.
We got Pluto OG,
aka Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Next up we got one I call Kramer,
because it like pops in.
You know I'm saying?
And then we got Strawberry Cough
and Barack O'bubba Kush,
because I know you're political and shit.
- Ha!
- Get some Cough.
That was your bro's favorite, too.
Highs and lows?
I'll go first. Highs,
prom-planning, duh. Uhm, and lows,
hmm, only having two weeks left
of high school with you guys.
That was so sad, it sucks.
Becks' eye-fucked Bemis
for, like, 30 full seconds.
Oh, yeah, I did, because Amelia,
in yoga, was pose banging Aaron Jakes'
like cat and cow.
How about this? You like that one?
You like this one?
How's my pussy looking downward dog?
Oh, look at that.
What's that one?
How's that back arch
for my vagina?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Aaron Jakes,
the, the sophomore
who wears that puka shell necklace?
- Have his balls even dropped yet?
- Yes.
Into your mouth?
A couple times. He could be fun for prom.
Have you guys given thought
to going to prom together?
Just girls?
Oh, I want a real prom date,
like with a penis.
I know. There will be plenty of guys
to satisfy us at After Prom.
Okay. Sorry, Slutty B. Anthony.
But this is about more than just
girl power and getting laid.
Ugh, fine, you guys are such girls.
You should invite Bemis to prom.
I might invite him
to the graduation party.
- Ooh.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Jill.
- Hi.
Jill, who did you take to prom?
Uhm, I went with, uh, Lily's dad.
So, look how well that turned out.
Just kidding.
- Little girls.
- Love you.
Not so little anymore.
Now they're just a bunch
of washed-up skanks.
- What the fuck? Shut up.
- Whoa.
- Excuse me.
- They washed-up, they swag.
- They all washed-up.
- Fuck you.
- It's over.
- Crap, I got to pick up your sister.
I need some perfume. You got any?
Mom, she, she knows that you smoke.
When you have kids,
you will know how important it is
to keep up appearances for your children,
and then slowly reveal all your flaws
when they're old enough to handle them.
Okay, bye.
- I love you girls so much.
- Love you.
Love you.
I can't wait to be a mother.
- Go away. Get out of here.
- So weird. Go away.
- How's everybody doing?
- Excited.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Uhm,
Chloe hasn't heard from NYU yet,
so that's a bummer.
Yeah, but I mean, wasn't she feeling
really good about UCSB?
No. Us, going to school together,
near each other, that is part of the plan.
Okay, my little cruise director.
- It is.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
- Okay. Okay.
- What's this? What are you writing?
- Oh. No, that's, uh...
it's for Clo.
Tomorrow's Thomas' 19th birthday.
So, I just had some nice things planned.
Do you wanna talk about it?
I'm fine.
It's gonna be a tough day, for everybody.
You know,
he would have hated this shrine.
"Don't be such a sad sack, mom. Turn it
into a pool room or a sex dungeon."
Hmm.
It's not
how it's supposed to be.
I know.
But it's how it is, mom.
We, we could do something later, maybe.
Yeah. Yeah.
Top of the morning, Jerry.
You wanted to see me?
So, how you doing?
Great.
A little wound-up lately?
Uh, it's kind of my default.
Okay. So, I wanted to talk to you about
some prom stuff before Student Council.
I wanna talk to you about delegating.
- You suck at it.
- Don't do this to me, Jerry. Don't do it.
You know who...
- And just because it hasn't worked before,
doesn't mean it never will.
People can be there, if you let them. You have to share
this process, you have to share it with Student Council,
especially with Noah, because
it looks like he's gonna be the one
taking over next year.
Okay. A wise man once told me, "The world
begins when I'm born and ends when I die."
And I really feel that that applies
to my tenure here. So, let's just,
you know, let that one marinate
and then we can circle back.
That doesn't make any sense.
My buddy was in jail at San Quentin. He was jonesing for some blow.
Uh, those days I had a pretty good arm. So, I loaded up a tennis ball
with some grade A quality snow,
hurled it over the wall.
It worked out great.
Okay. Let's get started
with those drug presentations.
- PCP?
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- Uhm, can it wait?
- If you want a bloody beanbag.
Menstruation is a miracle. I'm jealous
that I can't experience it myself.
Take your time.
All right. Who's ready? Angel dust?
Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?
I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by
and get you girls in 30.
I love you.
I'll call you when I'm outside.
Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?
I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by
and get you girls in 30.
I love you.
I'll call you when I'm outside.
Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?
I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by
and get you girls in 30.
I love you.
I'll call you when I'm outside.
Clo. Clo.
- Hey.
- Hey. I took the liberty.
- Is class over?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
It was a hard day.
Here.
To Thomas,
who showed us that
you can be smart,
athletic, kind, and...
fucking high all at the same time.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
You want me to get Lil?
No, it's okay. She's off saving the world,
one prom at a time.
Yeah.
Well, you know, uhm, speaking of prom...
Uhm...
I was a little worried that
you might think I was just, like,
fucking around earlier.
Definitely. I'd really like to go
with you, if you're into it?
I don't know about your face.
I don't know if you would. But...
No, I have this, uhm...
I have this pre-frosh thing
at UCSB this weekend.
-No. That's, that's chill.
- I totally get that.
- No. No. No. No. I'm not saying that.
I don't, I don't know
if I'm gonna go to that or not, uhm,
but if I don't go,
I'd love to go to prom with you.
Well you should then. Cool.
So Jerry will make
an announcement
and then it'll be girls' soccer,
led by yours truly.
Then it'll be boys' soccer,
though I really object to that order,
but then we'll both celebrate
our crushing victories.
Okay. Prom?
I really need your guys' help on this.
So Noah...
will you check the rates
at these catering companies?
Uhm, try Alphonso at Caf Food,
just let me know if you need any help.
You know what, I can actually, I can...
Noah, uh, are there some
agenda issues you'd like to address?
So, there are many things
that are important for prom,
but the most important thing,
is, uh, your date.
Hmm. What's going on?
Lily will you please
Come to prom with me
I think you are very pretty And very sweet
And I have wanted to ask you For like 600 weeks
Sorry if that makes me a creep
I'm so tall and I'm Jewish
And you're Jewish
We're both Jewish
And Jews should stick together
Because there's not that many of us
So let me go to prom with you
Don't say no, don't say no
Don't say no
- Don't say no, don't say no
- Wow, that was great.
That was... doesn't that...
Okay. Email tonight,
meeting adjourned, thank you guys.
Look, I know I'm no Heath Ledger,
but I know you like big gestures so...
Prom is my prom date
and it should be yours too.
I mean, dude, the ukulele...
Seriously? Have some self-respect.
Yeah, but he planned
the whole thing though.
Pretty fucking cute.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Guys, I just had a serious CRAFT moment.
What did you play, Light as a feather,
stiff as a board? I love that game.
No. So I was sitting in the library,
and guess who walks in.
- Hey. Rebecca.
- Hey. What's up?
- A little light reading I see?
- Yeah.
My parents never done one,
so I'm just trying to sort through
and this one's my personal reading.
Ah, well, uh,
you know, sometimes
there's just no reason at all
- and there's nothing pure about it.
- Yeah.
Right.
I'll just, uh, you know,
- finish the shift.
- Yeah, nice seeing you.
She rockin she drinkin she turning She rolling she smoking sweating
She's sweating I hold her She about to go and she going shake
She rocking
She rocking only for dollars
For dollars they are from ballers
From ballers think she'll be
Your sexy flawless
Here's 26, 28, 30 inches
You taste it got a lot of ambition
You get a lot of woman bad bitches
Drop it, drop it, drop it
Girl get it get it
Pop it pop it drop it drop it rub it
Girl get it get it
Girl get it girl get it get it
What's up?
- Hey.
- Hey.
The water hot enough for you?
Have you ever masturbated to completion
next to a total stranger before?
Bemis is hot.
but in my fantasy,
it's Gore Vidal and Trent Reznor.
Is that fucking crazy?
Wait. So she knew you were masturbating?
She knew who I was fantasizing about.
I masturbate at school all the time,
it's a great burst of energy.
It totally focuses and relaxes you.
I'm never holding your hand again.
Okay. So, if you send a sext
to somebody and they text you back,
"O period K period", what do you reply?
Aaron Jakes is a douche.
Have you seen him again?
Just a few times,
late night at his house,
younger boy throwdown,
they do what you say.
Hm. Unless they turn you down.
Anyway, indifference
is the greatest aphrodisiac.
Yup, because Iceberg Slim said,
"You can't need the pussy."
And who is Iceberg Slim?
A great writer and renowned pimp.
- How did the meeting go, Meils?
- Dude, divorce stuff sucks.
My dad refuses to give Rosa benefits,
but then I see him and he gives me this.
That's fucking suck.
It's just such a fucking letdown,
you know.
And this bracelet's
like really fucking tacky.
- You should tell him it upsets you.
- No, you can't. He's a dick.
You might as well enjoy the perks.
I fucked up my eyeliner.
- This corner.
- Yeah.
Okay. So...
I have a little something.
It's Thomas' favorite.
Oh.
Happy birthday dear Thomas
Happy birthday to you
Okay. To Thomas. All right.
Here we go, all right.
That was the one, good cake.
Very good cake.
Taxi's here bellas.
All right ladies, let's throw on
some slutty dresses and get fucked up.
- Is that what you're wearing?
- Yeah, I'm over it.
Give me my shot, give me my shot
Give me my shot, keep calm
Give me my shot, give me my shot
Give me my shot, keep calm
Give me my shot, give me my shot
Give me my shot, keep calm
All right. Let's get schwatsy faced,
zanzi-bars? Shrooms?
I don't care, whatever, I'll get weird.
I'm gonna grab that blunt
from the Travises. Travis!
Oh.
Okay. I'm, I'll go to the bathroom.
A lot of Wagner biographies.
You go to Catcher High?
That's a bummer.
Uh-hmm. You a Path girl?
Hmm.
Enjoy yourself.
Yeah, you too.
Psst. Madame President?
What the fuck?
Were you waiting out here
for me with a joint?
I was. Uh, it's an apology joint.
No. I should apologize.
You were really sweet. I was...
I was a really big bitch, I'm sorry.
No. You weren't a bitch, you weren't.
I, it's, most guys look so cool to you
and I thought that I would join the ranks
of those great uke players, but, uhm...
I found out
that I'm not one of those guys,
and I feel really bad
that I embarrassed you, I, I didn't...
- I'm just not that kind of girl.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Uhm, and, and plus,
- Okay.
I already have dates.
I thought prom was your date?
Well, the girls and I
were probably gonna go together.
Yeah, but, I mean, who are they
gonna dance with during slow songs?
You'll be the one running shit,
they can't dance with you.
Besides, I thought it might be nice
if you have someone to give you their coat
if you get cold.
Fuck. I'm a bitch.
That would be nice. You...
You're so nice, you are. It's just,
I have a lot of things...
I'm not that nice.
Okay. So, let's just hold our horses.
- I'm here with my girls.
- Oh, no. No. No. Don't...
Look, it's dark outside,
you're probably really drunk,
I could be anyone to you.
So, if we're gonna do this,
you need to come over
in the afternoon,
it's much better lighting.
Give me your phone.
You are really fucking nice. Thank you.
- See you.
- Bye.
Bye. Thank you.
Fuck yeah.
Well, this is fucking cute.
Meanwhile, my chocolate chunk prom date
is over there feeling on some
just-started-birth-control-titties.
Fuck Aaron Jakes
and screw that tiny Tinkerbell cunt.
I mean, what are we gonna do
about tree next year?
That East Coast weed
is some schwag-ass shit.
I feel like we're gonna be doing,
like, cool, like, brooding winter drugs,
like, opium,
you know?
Chloe? Earth to Chloe.
What's up?
I, uhm,
I got into NYU this morning.
- You better fucking stop.
- Oh, my God.
- Dude?
- Really?
- Hm-mmm.
- What? What's wrong?
You love Ol' West City.
I think I wanna go to UCSB,
like, be close to my mom and stuff.
Have you to talked to Lil?
Oh, sorry, excuse me. Hey.
Hey. They attached a trash bag
to a vaporizer, it's fucking dope, hit it.
Wait, what happened to your lip?
Younger boy throwdown?
You fought a little boy?
Mmm. Yeah.
- What? Did I miss something?
- ...are star people.
Oh, my God, somethings off
in PussTown USA. I'm so sorry.
Uh, ah, Chloe, I know I said get weird
and do shrooms and shit,
maybe, maybe you're getting
a little too weird?
There's nothing weird about
just hanging with your prom date.
But hold on,
what about those shrooms, though?
It's disgusting,
there's splash everywhere.
Damn it.
Cops, cops with dogs.
Shit. Go. Go.
- Ah. Becks. Where's Becks? Where...
- Find her. Find her, meet me outside, go.
Got a little roof on there. A little roof.
Oh, what the...
Ah! Ah! What the fuck! Really?
- Becks.
- Becks? Becks.
- No.
- Cops, cops, cops. Come on.
Guys, I pulled out two tampons.
- Dude, gross.
- I know.
- How long were they in there?
- One was mummified.
- So, they're like all...
- Yeah.
- Like a loom.
- No.
Like Penelope fighting off suitors.
Okay. Come on, we got to go. Come on.
All right.
Party's over, let's go.
Where are you ladies going?
- Uhm...
- Yeah?
Our friend Rebecca here
just had two tampons inside of her,
and it was quite a struggle
to get them out.
Maybe you, you have a, a daughter
and you know how difficult tampons
can be sometimes.
Yeah. She's got a point.
Nora just turned 13.
I spent an hour outside the bathroom
yelling through the door,
"Just shove it up there." Tampons.
All right, ladies, that's it, come on,
party's over. Let's go. Be safe. Come on.
Thank you, officers. Thank you.
- Anyone else?
- Oh, oh, oh.
There is this book,
it's called It's Perfectly Normal,
it talks about everything
from discharge to tampons,
you should really check it out.
Thank you so much.
That's the most times
Ive heard the word tampon ever.
Did she just say discharge?
Hey.
Croissants to soak up the poison
that is rotting in your stomachs.
Oh, Mr. Bemis loves croissants.
I feel like your period
is punctuated by two huge dumps,
- one at the beginning and one at the end.
- Oh, we're synched. Mc-lin-tock.
Yeah, I'm just happy,
I wont have it at prom.
Oh, yeah, which apparently
you are going to with Sam,
- that's a subtle ditch, Judas.
- Oh, your face. I cant. Too hung over.
Where's the tree?
I think were Treeless in Seattle.
- Not even One Tree Hill?
- Nothing.
All Ive got are these weird
weed mint strips.
Those even work?
I don't know, well see.
Either have really fresh breath
or we'll be really high.
Cheers.
- Cheers bitches.
- Mazel tov.
I Am Legend is how it will happen.
Someone will invent a cure for cancer
and the vaccine will make everyone
a zombie brain-eater.
I Am Legend?
Okay...
Would you rather have penises for fingers
or vaginas for ears?
Hmm, do the penises get hard?
Yes.
Okay. But like can you control them
when they're hard?
The thing with dick fingers,
is that you cannot wear rings,
but if you have vaginal ears,
you can wear earrings.
Like bling?
- Like Vling.
- Vling.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, girl,
listen, listen, listen.
Yeah, what's up? Okay. What if
you have dick fingers and vagina ears?
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Like, oh,
like I've literally fucked my brains out.
I've got brains coming out of my nose
and jizz all over my head
and I haven't even made dinner yet.
I'm making hamburger helpers.
Eww.
- Liv!
- Liv!
- Oh yeah. Here's my baby sister!
- There she is.
Wait, Liv, youre in sixth grade?
- Yeah?
- Dude,
- my boobs were so big at sixth grade.
- That is...
Yeah. That is the best fucking year,
- it's gonna be the best year of your life.
- I hope not.
- I promise.
- I hope you're the best.
I promise.
Oh no. Lil, I think Stella
ate your breath strips.
Oh, Stella.
You guys really like fresh breath.
Stella.
How are you feeling girl?
Trippin' balls...
Huge, sweaty balls...
You're gonna get through this.
I don't know man...
Oh. Her breath smells like someone
hot boxed a toothpaste factory.
Prom tickets, 15 dollars.
Seriously guys, they're 15 bucks.
Okay. After party tickets,
Forty bucks apiece. Leggo.
This is bullshit,
why do they want your tickets?
Look, after Party is more important
than prom, all right?
Prom is just an excuse for girls
to get fancy dresses and fake tans.
And to make memories
in a beautiful atmosphere,
all right, expertly created
- by dedicated Student Council members.
- Hm-mmm.
Look, you care too much. They smell it.
Look, wanting people to be happy
and have a good time, that's a bad thing?
No, it's just letting people
have a good time is better.
Thank you.
Look, you know, its fine
that you asked Chloe to prom,
but you should've talked to me first.
What about bro code?
Im sorry. I didnt want to upset you,
- okay?
- Whatever. It's cool.
I mean, I guess if she's not gonna go
with me, youre the next best thing.
All right. We good?
Yeah, we're cool.
- All right, thank you.
- All right.
Oh, God.
Meils. Meils, are you okay?
I came here to give that
little piece of shit a piece of my mind.
Piece of shit? Oh.
Aaron Jakes. You know that little
taint-troll? Is he around here?
All right, you know, you take that,
I'm gonna get this one home.
- Please do.
- All right. Let's go.
Oh, shit, better grab Liv, come on.
Aaron?
I love him.
Liv...
whats wrong?
I got in trouble, because James
wrote something really gross
in my paper on governments.
- What?
- James,
he must've gone
on the computer when it was up.
What did it say?
In the paragraph on oligarchies it said,
"I like to sneak in
and watch my dad take showers."
Its not funny.
Hes so mean, it really hurts me.
Older brothers are gonna make fun of you.
All right? That's just what they do.
James just sees you as a kid right now,
soon enough you'll be friends.
But seriously, you have to admit.
"I sneak in and watch my dad
take showers", that's funny.
Wait, who told you guys about that?
Okay. That only happened once, okay?
And Liv, it was really scary.
Never do it, okay?
It's like,
it's like an angry sea monster.
Hey, look, look,
I'll talk to James, all right?
- All right.
- Okay. Love you.
- Love you. Bye.
- Bye.
-Bye, Liv.
- Bye.
- Jesus.
Ugh, fuck. I want froyo.
Hey, do you think were fucked up,
because of our fucked up relationships
with our dads?
Uh, you dont have a relationship
with your dad.
You know what I mean.
Well, yeah, I mean,
everyone's dad fucks them up.
Like, I see my dad and I'm like,
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
But then, you know, I wanna see him
and I still want him to wanna see me.
Yeah.
I mean, I never felt like I needed mine.
I always have my mom, I have you guys.
Mmm, but either your dad fucks you up,
because he's not there
or your dad fucks you up,
because he's there
and honestly
nobody can live up to that shit.
Right.
But I guess, until then,
he's still gonna get laid, right?
Yeah.
Hey, dickwad,
can I talk to you for a second?
Your little essay addition,
you have anything to say about that?
Oh! You're repulsive.
That is disgusting. God, dear God.
Okay.
You know how many peoples' games you just
ruined? Abduls gonna be pissed at me.
Oh, cry me a river, Leroy Jenkins.
Dude, this is serious.
It's a joke.
She's not gonna get in trouble.
No, its not about school, its about her.
Poor thing, she thinks that you hate her.
She needs you. Look,
were the only other people who know
what weve been through, all right? And...
you know, pretty soon, your friends,
they're gonna wanna bang her
and if you're not nicer,
- she, she's probably gonna do it.
- Dude, dont talk about my friends
- fucking my baby sister.
- Look, you talked about her peep-holeing
her own dad in writing,
in writing to her teacher.
Uh, yeah, but that's funny,
because we don't have a dad.
Seriously?
Noah
Hang? I'm nearby.
- Where are you going?
- Read a book.
And this is
where the magic happens.
This is awesome.
Thanks. How was your day?
Uh, It was, it was good. Uhm, that guy Ken
was a dick in Academic Journal.
Theres this like, this freshman girl...
Oh, my God. This is really out of tune.
It's horrible.
So there's this freshman girl who wears
those kind of like risqu stuff
and he makes these gross comments about it
and she's so fucking schevvy like...
Young male teachers have a hard time
handling a burgeoning young woman, so...
Yes, well, you are very burgeoning.
Look, I'll talk to him,
if he's got a problem with her,
he should really
have a female counselor speak to her.
I, uhm, I wasn't listening
to anything you just said.
See, you would've missed all this
in the dark, drunken stupor of the party.
- Hey, that just tickles.
- Yeah.
I got it.
Wow.
Can I take these off?
That is so hot that you asked,
yes, please, take them off.
Okay. So, uhm...
I'm gonna get really quiet, but it,
it's not that it doesn't feel good.
It's, it's because that it does
and I just wanna focus on that moaning.
It's too distracting.
11 minutes later...
Keep going. Right there, I'm gonna cum.
Okay, wait.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Fuck me.
Okay.
You're fucking beautiful.
Okay. Reciprocity.
- What?
- Take these off.
Oh, fuck.
Look moi. No hands.
That's awesome.
Oh, fuck.
Afternoon Delight is the best.
- Hey.
- You're amazing.
Yeah. Yeah, that was, that was awesome.
I'm gonna... a lot of energy
for the game now. Thanks.
Hey, so, uhm, listen. Would you ever
wanna come over to my house
and, like, have dinner with my parents
and just, like, hang out with my family?
Uhm, yeah, I, I would love to come over
and meet your parents as a mentor,
guidance figure in your life. But, uhm,
I mean, they'll really like me
and you'll like that and that's, that's,
that's just bad news for everyone, so...
Well, well, I mean, I already like you.
Like, I'm not trying to date you.
I, I know that you have to leave soon
and my crazy ex would kill me if...
What, the one from Catcher?
Yeah. Yeah.
They're gonna play her tonight.
You got to watch out. She got wind
of this and she's, she's really pissed.
All right, ladies,
we want a good, clean game.
Tough with these messy skanks.
- Excuse me?
- Call it.
- Heads.
- You would.
- What does that even mean?
- Heads it is.
Run that shit.
Independent women.
- You know, he was at my place last night.
- Well, that's cool. I'm a sharer.
Stay away from him, cock goblin.
Oh.
Boo!
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
- What the fuck?
Ref, your voicemail box is full,
you missed the ball.
No one's gonna go for that...
Done, bitch.
Keanu Reeves's mother
is actually Asian.
So, that's why The Matrix is pretty
cool.
Because, uh, some say it's based on
Baudrillard's Simulacra and Simulation,
but he refuted the comparison.
It's not even a thing.
I can't believe
what a raging bitch Noah's ex is.
Guys like crazy girls.
Yeah, I'm not getting involved
with that shit.
I am not playing The Boy is Mine
my last week of senior year.
Yo. You two right here?
You two were too fucking amazing tonight.
You know that?
Yeah. You know that moment
when you just know
you're not gonna be
a professional athlete?
- Hm-mmm.
- I kind of have one tonight.
Mmm, well, that moment that you had,
comes a little later for black folk.
Yes, but I get you though. I do.
So, uhm, celebratory roll
- for your victory, though?
- Ooh.
- Where did you get this?
- You don't need to know.
Okay, guys, seriously,
just, like, drink lots of water.
- Stay hydrated, please.
- Let's see you on the other side.
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
Girl you workin' with some ass yeah
You bad yeah
Make a nigga spend his cash yeah
His last yeah
Hoes frown when you pass yeah
They mad yeah
You gon ride in the jag yeah With that head
You could smoke or buy a bag yeah Of grass yeah
Got money I can flash yeah
And trash yeah
I'm a Big tymer nigga yeah
Pull the trigger yeah
A playa hata flipper yeah
Grave filla yeah
I be slangin wood yeah...
Water.
Open up.
Oh!
Tastes like butter.
Yes.
- Lil, I have to tell you something.
- You're gay?
Called it.
There's this...
pre-frosh thing at UCSB this weekend.
Yeah. And it's prom. Fuck that, right?
I think I'm gonna go.
Oh, you're getting into NYU.
I don't even know if
that's a hundred percent what I wanna do.
What?
I don't know. Maybe this could be
like a good thing for us, have some space.
What's up? Excuse us.
This table is like, you know,
it's not tight, you know.
It's, it's, like, too confined.
You know, it's too tight.
I don't know what I'm fucking saying.
Let's dance. Let's do that.
Dude, I love you, okay?
Let's not let this ruin our trip, okay?
- Talk about it tomorrow?
- Hm-mmm.
When we're sober, okay? All right.
Call me Big Daddy
When you back that azz up
Hoe who is you playin' wit
Back that azz up
Girl you looks good won't you back...
She's beyond this now.
She's beyond high school.
She's beyond prom. She's beyond you.
No, no, no.
You have to tell her how you feel.
- Just...
- That was like beautiful.
What? Shit. Fuck.
I didn't see you there.
Are you okay?
I peed myself.
And it was like how warm, you know.
And now, now I'm right here.
- Okay.
- Where are you going?
All right. Hold on.
- All right, cheers, ladies.
- Cheers.
I know you can't stand it
Dick bandit done landed
See your drawers handed
Freak to get it
Y'all game spit at y'all
Put the bitch on the wall
And I hit it y'all
Lookin' kind of lonely
I'm feelin' horny put the dick
Are you okay?
I feel like my heart's gonna explode.
Uhm, what hurts you?
I got pain in my chest,
a raging fire in my stomach,
and a desire to kill someone
and die at the same time.
Are you allergic to gluten?
Hi, I, uh, I'm Mike.
- Yeah.
- We met at the...
Yeah, yeah, I remember. Uhm, Lily. Sorry.
Uhm, whatever it is you're mad about,
I'm sure it's not that bad.
Or maybe it is. Okay.
Fine motherfucker
Won't you back that azz up
Call me Big Daddy
When you back that azz up
Hey, do you wanna go out somewhere,
like, it's a little bit quieter?
Would you go upstairs with me?
Can we go upstairs?
- Absolutely.
- Great.
Man, you are sexy. Fuck.
Uhm...
Those are for a balloon party.
We're not, we're not having sex.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Oh, my God, you're so wet.
- Oh!
- Whoa, dude...
Okay, that was really...
that was really tricky.
- Mike, stop. Mike, stop.
- Hold on.
- Hold on, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come.
- Mike. Get off. Get off.
Can I have my underwear, please?
- No.
- You look really bad, Lil.
Have you seen Chloe
or Amelia or Becks anywhere?
I'm pretty sure they all left.
I saw them walking outside.
- They left?
- Yeah. Sorry.
I'm headed to Moreno Street.
Oh! My face hurts.
Morning sluts.
Hey, are you okay?
Oh, sorry about the leaving confusion.
We couldn't find you for hours and then
Alicia the Cunt said you'd already left.
Yeah, what the fuck happened?
We couldn't find you. Your phone was off.
We were in the tree house.
Yeah, what happened to you?
Last night was really fucked up.
- Yeah, we're pretty fucked up, right?
- No, you guys were fucked up to me.
Guess you wanted
to get it in with Sam now,
since you can't at prom, huh?
- Why are you acting like this?
- I'm just trying to be honest.
Chloe is not going to prom.
Chloe is going to orientation at UCSB.
You guys knew?
I had a feeling.
I hadn't heard from NYU,
UCSB was sounding like the smart option,
Lil. Maybe the thing that I wanna do.
Oh, you hadn't heard?
And, and now you know, right?
And you didn't tell me?
I didn't wanna say anything
before prom and ruin anything.
Ruin anything?
What about our fucking lives, Clo?
- Calm down, Lily. This is good for us.
- Yeah. Yeah. This is great.
Let's all just be alone,
that's a great way to go through life.
You know what?
Last night was a little preview.
You are fucked up and you're confused
and you're feeling all sorts
of new emotions and then all of a sudden,
you're in a dark room
with some sweaty guy on top of you,
- but none of your friends will care,
- What?
because none of your friends
are gonna be there
and you're gonna be
absolutely fucking on your own.
- What happened to you last night?
- What happened?
Nothing. A guy was...
was goal-oriented,
it was shitty. I'm fine,
but you guys ditched me
and that is not fine.
Lily, you went off
with some dude and didn't tell us?
- That's not our fault, Lil. We're...
- That's easy for you to say,
you're turning your back on us.
What are you, you think
you're gonna find some new best friends?
What? I owe you,
so I can't make any new friends?
All, I'm just saying, like,
how could you be friends
with someone who didn't know Thomas?
Are you fucking serious?
I can't be friends with anyone
who didn't know my dead brother?
Jesus fucking Christ, Lily.
He didn't die
so we could be best friends forever.
We can still all be best friends.
- Yeah.
- No. No, because she is fucking up
the friend ecosystem.
Like, I'm the glue here, but without Clo,
your boy crazy ass
is gonna be with some dude.
Your fuckin' head
is gonna be in the clouds.
Yeah, my head's in the clouds,
because Im, like, worrying about
paying for loans and school and shit
that's never even entered your mind.
Yeah, and I'm boy crazy?
Guys drive you fucking nuts, dude.
Look, you don't deal. Your dad is gone.
The guy that you were in love with, died.
- I'm sorry for the truth bomb.
- You know what?
Lil, I'm just thinking about it.
Every guy you've loved, has left.
Okay, fuck! Fuck. I'm not trying
to psychoanalyze myself right now.
- I'm outta here.
- This is your house.
Yeah, make yourself at fucking home.
This is an awkward moment,
but I feel like, uh, I have a coffee date,
potential roommate situation.
Could you drive me?
- I got you.
- Okay.
Okay. She's gonna go. That was fucked up.
Come on. Let's go.
Hey. Lil.
What the fuck is going on with you?
I can't believe
you don't wanna go to school with me.
and I seriously cannot believe
that you lied to me about it.
This is fucking bullshit. You are
too smart to be acting this pathetic.
You clearly don't understand at all
- where I'm coming from.
- No, clearly you don't understand.
All your cherishing every moment and prom
and your weird fucking memorials.
Since Thomas died, you've gone
into overdrive. It's fucking oppressive.
Yeah, this terrible thing happened
and I'm just trying to get us through it.
I'm trying to make it better.
Yeah, this terrible thing happened,
but it doesn't mean everything else
has to be peachy fucking keen, Lily.
Meils' parents still suck,
Becks still has to worry about money,
your dad is still gone,
I still have to deal with the gaping
fucking hole that's left in my family.
- Life is hard and it keeps being hard.
- Clo, I know that.
This has been really tough for me, too.
- Oh, my God.
- And every time I try to talk to you
- about it...
- Okay, but we are different, Lil.
- Our shit is different.
- Yeah. I miss him, too.
Okay. Well, you know what?
Sometimes you don't get to tell me that.
Youre right, I, I'm not blood,
but he was something else for me.
Dude, whatever you thought he was,
- he was actually my brother.
- Dude, I know.
And I, I, was, I was trying
to make this time special.
All right? I was trying to make our future special,
because, Clo, I don't know what I would do if I lost you.
Stop. Stop.
Oh, my God, I can't...
with this psycho girlfriend act.
This isn't you and I know it.
I'm okay alone
It makes my soul stir
Under microscopes
Oh. How adorable.
You know, college is gonna be
so great. We don't need any friends.
Yeah. We can totally reinvent ourselves
as sloppy skanks who don't need anyone
and gain 15 pounds.
God, shit buckets.
Fuck.
- Hello.
- What's going on back there?
- I'm sorry, I, I was...
- Texting?
- Thinking?
- Well...
you can't just stay still,
you have to keep moving.
- I know.
- And other people have places
- to go, too, so you can't stop them.
- No, I, I know that.
There is a whole life happening
all around you and you can't control it
just by stopping whenever you please
and decide everybody else
just have to fall into place.
I get it, fuck!
Have you been smoking?
No.
Then what's that bong in the backseat?
Oh, that donk... That's funny. That's a, a sculpture that I, I
made in school. It is. I, we're, I, I'm Student Body President.
I'm a good kid. I am. I just,
I have a lot on my plate right now.
I'm so stressed out.
I, I, I'm graduating.
- Right now...
- Are you going to college?
Yeah, Columbia.
- It's a university.
- Oh, it is? It's not just a country?
Now, I wonder if the people at Columbia
would be excited to find out
that one of their future students
- was arrested for possession.
- What?
I don't know
what the fuck you're thinking
driving around with a bong
in the backseat of your car.
Who do you think you are, Willie Nelson?
Now, even he got arrested.
You're arresting me?
All right. Look, I'm not,
I'm not gonna ruin your life forever.
Oh, thank God. Thank you.
But I am gonna fuck it up
for about a week.
God,
you could be in jail right now.
I can't believe
you would do something so stupid!
Mom, I'm a really safe driver.
I was just distracted.
Yeah, but...
Lil...
- Smash it.
- No.
- Yes.
- Mom.
This is Donkey Bong.
All right? He has been with us
through all of high school.
Thomas smoked out of this.
Smash it.
I wasn't even smoking. I was sad driving!
What's sad driving?
Rebecca was,
she was sitting with her new roommate.
Chloe's not going to NYU.
She fucking hates me
and she's, she's ditching prom
for the orientation of her new life.
Okay. So, be happy for her,
you should be supportive of her choices.
But her choices, they're wrong.
Shes making a huge mistake.
She is ruining our lives.
Lily, she wants a change.
It's not some affront
to what you guys share together.
- Yes, it is. That's exactly what it is.
- No...
No wonder she wants to get away from you.
- Mom, why are you yelling at me
- Because
- about this?
- You're being a monster.
You think you know everything?
You don't know shit.
Now learn your lesson
and smash your bong!
Really good parenting, mom.
Well, fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck.
Hey, this is Chloe.
Leave a message.
Hey, guys, it's Meils.
Uhm, I don't check my messages. So...
see you when I see you, motherfucker.
Hi, it's Rebecca. I'm not here
right now, so leave a message. Bye.
Bergbaum-Goldwyn Residence One.
Hi Rosa, uhm, is Chloe over there?
Chloe, Beck, Melia. Where are you?
You need any help, Madame President?
Stop.
I, uh, I couldn't find you
at the party the other night.
- I wanted to congratulate you...
- It's a little vicious, huh?
- What?
- You and Jessica are still involved.
- Don't you think that's a little hurtful?
- Jessica and I have a bond,
but her being completely insane keeps us
from ever being in a relationship.
We're not together.
I like spending time with you.
I care about you.
Yeah, well, I don't wanna be that girl.
Yeah, you made that pretty clear
when you blew-and-dashed the other day.
- You couldn't turn me down fast enough.
- Yeah, clearly,
because you were shoving your tongue
down your ex's throat a few hours later.
Wait, I wanted to be with you
and now you're jealous?
Oh God. Don't flatter yourself.
You know, for someone who's so nice,
you're actually kind of a bitch.
- Wow.
- Wow what?
Are you gonna talk to me?
No? Okay, awesome. Fuck you.
Whatever.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's wrong?
- Everything.
No, it's just prom shit. What's up?
Uhm...
It's stupid but, uhm...
What's Chloe's favorite color?
- It's for her corsage.
- She's not going.
Oh. And so she's, uh,
going to the pre-frosh orientation thing.
Yeah, right, of course you knew.
Oh, uh, well, she had mentioned
something about it.
Okay. I got to go get streamers.
It's green, for what it's worth.
Thanks.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
What are you doing?
Figuring out what to wear to prom.
Paper bag should do.
Oh, you mean on your body.
Stop.
- Are you on your period?
- Yes.
I think that actual steam
just came out of your ears.
This is pretty.
Dude, no, do not.
You're gonna stretch it.
My slender boyish figure
is the stuff that trannies dream of.
Talk.
Mom's pissed at me.
Yeah, but you know she'll deal.
What's really going on?
All the girls hate me.
Which kind of makes sense,
I've pretty much sucked lately.
I mean, you are a freak. But,
uh, I mean, you've always been like that.
You know, I mean,
maybe you've been a bit, uh...
you know, like BFFAEAE this year
with your power pussy posse.
But, uh, you know,
I mean, your expiration dating.
You know, I mean, you taught me that.
It's like, uh, you know, like camp dude,
summer was over and he was like, uh,
he was like, "Oh, you're so hot,"
you know, "you give the best handys,
we're gonna AIM all the time
and all that shit."
It's like when you know things are ending,
you freak out, and you try to hold on
and then it gets weird waiting it out.
When did you get so wise?
I'm surrounded by brilliant women.
- You got to get a new mindset.
- What? Like an emotional pre-game?
It's like feel shitty or be alone.
You know, I mean, dad left
the night before our Disneyland trip.
You know, we didn't go. I mean,
that shit's gonna fuck me up
for the rest of my life, but it's chill.
C.A.R.L. 4ever
C.A.R.L. forever?
- Shut up.
- What are you, a gay trucker?
I'll leave you to wallow now.
- Take it off.
- Nope.
Hi, Robert, it's Jill.
Just calling, 'cause our daughter's
high school graduation is coming up...
Valedictorian.
Speech.
Gonna be a, a big one.
Yeah, could make up
for all the others that you missed,
maybe. Olivia and James are, are well.
They're becoming really...
just wonderful, smart people.
I think you'd really like them.
I do. I think you'd really like them.
Anyway, I'd say talk soon, but I think
we both know that's not gonna happen.
Okay? All right. Graduation, Tuesday.
If you give a shit, go fuck yourself.
Okay. Okay, goodbye.
Go fuck... Yeah. Go fuck yourself.
What?
It took a lot to introduce myself
I had to put my heart up on the shelf
Glug, glug, glug, in my glass,
then my tummy, and I will pee you out.
That night I got home
I was all alone
Oh, was it love
Or was I fooling myself
And I hope that time
Doesn't pass us by
Or am I fooling myself
Fooling myself
Fooling myself
It took a lot to introduce myself
I had to put my heart up on the shelf
I didn't know that it could be so hard
That night I got home I was all alone
And left to wonder
About the great unknown
Oh was it love
And I hope that time
Doesn't pass us by
Or am I fooling myself
Fooling myself
Fooling myself
And I hope that time
Doesn't pass us by
It was so funny, and then
I don't even know what's going on.
I can't believe
we're at prom though.
Thank God we got invited.
- But I need to be way more drunk.
- Me, too.
Oh. Slow your roll, girls,
the night is long.
Whiskey?
Why not?
- Hi.
- What's up?
You, uh, you look beautiful.
- You look beautiful.
- All right, thank you.
Uhm, look, I just really wanted
to apologize for, for getting all weird
and walking away from you
the other day in the library.
Loans categorically suck
and I'm still paying mine off.
So, you know, If you ever wanna talk,
I can imagine it's not the kind of thing
that gets,
gets a lot of attention around here.
Yeah, it's not really a big topic of
conversation amongst my friends. You know.
But, uhm, it's very cool
that you are dealing with it now.
- Got to do it, so...
- Yeah.
How's, uh, how's your date?
Uhm, it was just supposed
to be us girls, but things are changing.
Everyone's leaving, it's weird, you know.
Well, what endures
when all else has changed?
- It is love.
- It is love. Kierkegaard.
- Hm-mmm.
- I love that guy.
- Yeah.
- You know, poet.
Well, look, just tell them
your love hasn't changed.
You'll only get so many chances.
- You sad about leaving?
- Not really.
I'm just glad I have another year here.
I can't imagine leaving this place.
What are we doing?
You're leaving in a couple of months.
I, I don't know what Chloe's gonna do.
Hey, Lil, this isn't some fling.
I love you.
Hey.
Hey.
You came back.
Mr. Bemis: What's a fart that sounds
and smells like nothing? A Sartre
I hate boys.
I know. We're ready for men.
No. You know what I need right now?
I need my dudes, where the fuck is Lily?
I don't know. I wish Clo was here, too.
I miss our token white friends.
I know, it's ironic.
This just...
- Wasn't we had planned?
- Wasn't us.
God, that fuckhead Mike's in there.
They have fucked me up, just fucked up.
Lil, whatever happened
with that guy, I just...
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry.
I think I'm so fucking well-adjusted.
I'm not, I'm just this,
like, Stepford wife control freak.
I'm crazy.
And I'm so sorry
for being so intense about Thomas.
I just wanted to be sad together.
I get it, sometimes you don't wanna talk,
and he's not my brother,
and just because I was in love with him,
it doesn't mean...
He was in love with you, too, Lil.
I know.
He wrote me a letter about it.
Look, Lil...
It's gonna hurt forever.
It's part of who we are now.
Mourning what was
and what is,
is sad enough, Lil.
I just, I can't take on mourning
something that could have been.
And, you know, whatever it is,
whatever is gonna happen,
we're still gonna be us.
You're my life partner.
I'm sorry about your prom.
No, you are my prom.
Ready?
Oh! Look who decided to show.
- Come on, I couldn't miss prom.
- Hm-mmm.
Guys, I'm really sorry
for being such a psycho.
- It's okay.
- Yeah, it's okay.
You're like
the obsessive boyfriend I never had.
What is never changed
when everything's changed?
It is love.
Oh. I love you.
Now, I don't know what's gonna happen,
but I've got you guys,
- and that is pretty fucking good.
- Yeah, girl.
- Let's blow this joint.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Prom sucks.
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
Yes.
Have you seen the video
that she's talking about?
- No.
- It, it's the best.
- ...your fucking phone. Asshole.
- Why were you looking at my phone?
You can't look in my phone.
Hey, remember me?
Hey, how's it go...
- Oh!
- Shit!
- Go fuck yourself.
- Fuck, yeah!
That was awesome.
- Yeah. You can't fucking look...
- Fuck you.
- Hey.
- Shit, sorry you had to see that.
Everything okay?
Uhm, she's mad that I have a phone...
I guess.
I don't know. She's fucking crazy, man.
I shouldn't have brought her, that was...
a bad idea.
I have been such a dick to you
and I, I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to be. And I'm really sorry.
Noah, I've been kind of dick-like, too.
- Dickishness forgiven?
- Yeah.
Great. Come on. Let's go.
- Yay!
- Yo, now the party's here.
Last ones to leave,
classy girls.
Savoring every moment.
All right, ladies.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Oh, wait, wait, let me get a picture of you. - Oh, seriously?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- So let's take pictures,
- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, okay.
Oh, that's good. All right.
Freeze it, hold it.
She smashed brother's Donkey Bong?
Donkey Bong,
there with us through high school,
life, death, SATs, prom,
we only had a little bit of weed, but we
wanted to get, like, really, really high.
We bury you next to your brethren,
Jon Bong Jovi, Sean Bongery,
Bong Connery, "Ceci n'est pas une pipe."
You will be missed.
Oh.
Now, what do we do?
Hmm, I have to finish my grad speech,
but I almost don't give a fuck.
What do you have so far?
Mmm, I'm writing that on my phone.
- Well, stand up. Do it for us.
- Yeah.
- Hmm?
- Lily, Lily.
Okay. I've tried to put a name
on what I'm feeling.
It has to do with fear,
of the unknown, of change.
It's wrapped up in memory,
being in the places
that have contained your life.
It has the sense of too-soon nostalgia,
as if I deeply long
for what's right in front of me.
Then a friend said it, loss.
Is that what I'm feeling,
what it means to grow up?
Your growing familiarity
with an acceptance
of the pain of life's losses?
Growing up is understanding
what eases that pain, friendship.
A bond fused by tears, traumas,
hours logged in the same cars,
in front of the same TVs.
All of our memories
are wrapped up in each other.
It's the greatest gift
this place has given us,
and it's part of our loss today.
But the poet, Robert Penn Warren
gave a better definition of loss,
what loss can be if we approach it right.
"The process whereby
the pain of the past in its pastness
may be converted
into the future tense of joy."
Mr. Bemis.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Okay, uh, call me Immanuel.
- Immanuel? Really?
- Hm-mmm.
- Uhm, thank you for the flowers.
I'm glad you came.
God, what am I gonna do without you?
- You're the reason I come to school.
- Me, too. For you.
Look, I know it's wrong.
I'm 18, though.
Look, I just graduated, so...
I'm, I'm 24, but I have
the emotional maturity of like a 20 or...
- Right. Right. Right.
- maximum.
- Come, come meet my mom.
- Wow, uh...
I'm nervous. All right.
In the middle? Immanuel Bemis.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- I'm gonna get all of us.
- Amelia.
- Rosa.
Your brownies are so delicious,
everybody loves them.
Where did you, where did you get this?
Damn, I love to chill, dude.
- Hi.
- Congratulations.
You killed your speech.
I was crying the whole time.
- Thank you.
- Thanks. Yeah. It was great.
- Are we still on for dinner tomorrow?
- Yeah, motherfucker.
My mom is currently basting
the brisket as we speak, so, yeah.
- Amazing.
- Great.
Lily, I wanna get a family photo.
Okay. Go photo. I'm gonna stay here
and to really eat
- every single one of these brownies. - Okay. - Hey, guys.
- Go. Okay, wait, here she comes.
- All right. Go. Go. Go. Get in there.
- You just literally ruin it.
- Do something.
- Whoa.
- I'm sorry.
- Do something, uhm, adorable.
The monkeys. The monkeys.
- Aw. Do it.
- The monkeys.
Oh, there it is. There it is.
Good one. And we'll do that thing
where you guys hit a hundred times.
- And enough now. Come with me.
- Perfect.
- How are you doing?
- Little bro.
- How do you feel about everything?
- Free. I made it.
- And you're gonna miss the shit out of me.
- Do you feel all right about it?
- Yeah.
- I'll be right back.
What?
Rosa may have served the brownies
that I made for our private after party.
- What?
- What?
Just look.
- But how much weed's in them?
- Like an ounce.
- An ounce?
- Fuck.
- Maybe like four ounces.
- Four ounces?
- I thought we deserve to get high.
- Oh my God.
Your heads are so huge
in a good way.
Okay. Thanks, Rosa.
You know I throw hard in a motherfucker
It's like that go hard up In a motherfucker
And now my tracks getting plate up
In the club that ketamine's lean
But it's better than drugs what
Yo I'm trying to move this brand
Trying to get up
Till it's cracking like Petland
We seen a drought
Now we're wading through the wetlands
I could be the girl chick
I could be the yes man
But I think I catch
A Law and Order marathon
Send a couple texts
Put a motherfucking Snuggie on
I'm sorry, mama
That I am not a doctor
That I rap about the vag
And I smoke marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I'm talking that shit
When I smoke marijuana juana
Marijuana juana
Marijuana juana
I guess you win some and lose some
But my fortune cookies
Have always read true son
I got a mouth
From the motherfucking west
An involuntary underdog
Motherfucking Mets
And all these sneak bitches
Hop up on the train
They squirt when I spit
So yeah I make it rain
They scream when I hit
I know exactly what they say
I love Awkwafina
Just like Gucci Gucci Mane
But I think I catch
A Law and Order marathon
Send a couple texts
Put a motherfucking Snuggie on
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I rap up about the vag
And I smoke marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I'm talking that shit
When I smoke marijuana juana
Marijuana juana marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I rap up about the vag
And I smoke marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama that I am not a doctor
That I'm talking that shit
When I smoke marijuana juana
Marijuana juana marijuana juana
I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry mama
And I smoke marijuana
I'm sorry mama, I'm sorry mama
And I smoke marijuana juana