Egghead & Twinkie (2023) Movie Script
1
(upbeat pop music)
(Twinkie sighs)
- [Twinkie] Let's
get this over with.
Hi, I'm Twinkie
Harris, spaceman icon,
master of sarcasm and
anime extraordinaire.
These are my parents.
They're separated but trying
to get back together, maybe.
I don't really know.
And this is Egghead, he's
cool, but also smart.
Like straight A's
on every test since
elementary school smart.
we became best friends
in the fourth grade
when he moved into the house,
across the street from me.
I saw him Naruto running in
his front yard one morning,
then the rest is history.
We like a lot of
the same things.
Slushies, anime, soft pretzels,
(beep), riding our bikes.
The list goes on.
And Egghead is a
really good friend.
Yeah, such a great friend.
(upbeat synth pop music)
I'm gonna miss him when he
goes to Stanford in the fall.
He's studying engineering,
while I'm working on my art,
figuring out what my
next step is gonna be.
I wanna be an animator someday.
Egghead made me promise
that I'll put him in a show
when I have my big break,
but for now, it's
just the two of us.
Egghead and Twinkie,
bestest of friends.
Who never, ever fight and
are totally getting along.
(table tapping)
(doodle Twinkie sobbing)
- Sorry for the wait. Can I
get y'all something to drink?
(paper crumpling)
- Yes. Can I please have a-
- Yes, I will have a lemonade,
and a diet Coke and a
chocolate milkshake,
as well as baked mac and
cheese, a classic cheeseburger.
And what's your
favorite dessert here?
- Carrot cake's pretty
good. (chuckles)
- I'll have one of those too.
- And for you, hun?
- Can I have a coffee?
- She will have a
small black coffee.
- That'll be right out.
- Are you done being petty now?
- Me petty?
You left me in the middle
of nowhere stranded.
- What do you want me to say?
- I want you to be honest.
I need to know the whole story.
Okay? From beginning
to end, everything.
- I don't even know
where to start.
(tense music)
- Start here. Who
the heck is BD?
(tense music swelling)
(phone tapping)
(phone vibrating)
(pen scratching)
(sword slices)
(phone vibrating)
(horn honks)
(pen scratches)
- Shit.
(Air Traffic Controller's
"Hurry Hurry" playing)
Come on.
Where's my hat? Where's my hat?
I wish I'd snoozed
I could have used
a bit more sleep
Put on my shoes, these
ones are ruining my feet
Eat that apple to the core
As I hurry, hurry
out the door
And on my way
to seize the day
I start to think
Did I leave something on
the counter by the sink
Check my pockets, never mind
Hurry, hurry there's no time
(horn honks)
Coming, I'm coming. Stop.
But I'm the jerk
who's late again
And they know well
that I was up 'til 4 AM
You've run too
much in parallel
Now hurry hurry is your hell
The output is what you
put in and it ain't enough
If you're not focused
on the most important...
(ringtone chimes)
(Twinkie chuckles)
(horn honking)
Coming.
Ooh I'm gonna miss something
As I keep bumping the
most significant stuff
- Oh good. You're up.
Matthew's outside.
- Mom, nobody calls him that.
(keys jingling)
- Wait, your dad called.
He's coming over
for brunch tomorrow,
so you need to make
sure that you're home.
- Okay, fine. Gotta go.
- Say hi to your
boyfriend for me.
- [Twinkie] Oh my God.
(door clicks)
Shit.
Ooh I'm gonna miss something
As I keep bumping The
most significant stuff
All my friends and
all the loose ends
- [Egghead] Come on.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
You didn't have to honk
the horn that loud.
- Well, I didn't
think you would wait.
- The whole (indistinct)
could hear us.
Hurry, hurry, oh
Hurry, hurry, oh
Hurry, hurry, oh
- We are so fired.
- Yeah well, you know,
maybe that wouldn't
be the worst thing.
(car engine roaring)
- [Egghead] What the?
How are you gonna make money?
Whoa oh
Put your seatbelt on.
- [Twinkie] My
seatbelt is on, mom.
- [Egghead] Okay, great.
I'm just making sure.
Wait, your mom thinks
I'm your boyfriend?
- My mom thinks yogurt is vegan
and vaccines cause autism,
of course she thinks
you're my boyfriend.
- Oh.
- It's like 'cause you're a dude
and you drive me everywhere,
that automatically makes you
my boyfriend or something.
- I'm pretty sure that
makes me your chauffeur.
- Yeah, well, lucky for you,
I'm getting my license
next month, so.
- You've been saying
that literally all year.
What are you gonna
do when I leave?
I drive you to school,
I drive you to work.
You would even have a summer
job without me, actually.
- Yeah, what a
tragedy that would be.
- Do you know how many kids
applied to work at Rick's?
We lucked out big time.
(car engine roaring)
(brakes squeaking)
- Hey, yo Chinese girl,
Jake thinks you're hot.
- Yo, shut up, man.
- (indistinct)
- I'm gonna punch those
guys in the throat.
- Well, that's not
very sunny of you.
- Ah ha ha. I hate this costume.
Why do I always
have to be Cuthbert?
- Because you're a
better dancer than me.
- I do have some
pretty sick moves.
Woo.
- Just so you know,
I'm calling you sick tomorrow.
- What?
- Dad's coming over
for brunch.
- Your dad's back in town?
- Yeah, apparently lost
like 20 pounds since he
and my mom separated.
- Really?
Dude, imagine how much
weight he would lose
if they got a divorce.
(child giggling)
Huh? Incoming.
Ho ho ho, hi, ya kids.
Hope you have a sunny day.
(kids screaming)
Oh my God.
Is any of this relevant?
- If I don't tell you what
happened exactly as it happened,
then you'll start
asking questions
about why everything happened
the way that it happened.
- But at this rate,
I'm never gonna know.
What's happening?
- Dude, you just dropped
me off like 10 minutes ago.
- I know that we still have
to finish our "Naruto"
marathon and all.
But my mom gave me
an AMC gift card.
Apparently she cleaned
up at Bunco last night.
- Hmm. Typical Kathy.
- [Egghead] Yeah.
I was wondering if
maybe you wanted
to go see a movie with me later.
- Sure. What movie?
- I don't know, some random
romcom that my mom picked up,
that I have not seen, obviously.
- Yeah, yeah. What time?
- Well, the movie
starts at 7:00,
but I could pick you up at 6:15
so we have enough time to
pee before the trailers?
Sound good?
Twink?
(keyboard tapping)
- Uh. Yeah, sure. Sounds good.
I'll see you then.
(upbeat hip-hop music)
- Okay.
What? Don't be late.
(phone beeps)
Yes.
(doorbell rings)
- Hey.
- Hi.
Are you ready?
I brought a Slushie?
- Ooh. Thanks. Gimme
like two seconds.
- Well, lucky for you, we
don't have to stop for snacks.
What? Why? Check it.
- What? That's awesome.
- Right? We have Twizzlers,
M&Ms, gummy bears,
gummy worms, Cheetos, popcorn,
baby wipes.
- Baby wipes?
- Well, yeah for
the Cheeto Dust.
- Duh.
- [Egghead] Ay, duh.
(door thumps)
(door clicks)
- [Speaker on TV]
Sponsor, (indistinct),
which is a very popular
perfume (indistinct)
If you want 10% off
your first bottle-
- Hey. How was the movie?
- It was fine.
- How's Matthew doing? Is he
excited to go to Stanford?
- Yeah, I think so.
I mean, it's Stanford so.
- I know you're gonna miss him.
Oh, long distance
isn't easy but...
I see the way that
boy looks at you.
- [Speaker Over TV] Obsessed
with this brand, and-
- You two are
gonna be just fine.
(Twinkie sighs)
(Twinkie screams)
(Twinkie snoring)
(phone vibrating)
(phone continues vibrating)
(ambient music)
- Holy shit.
(doorbell rings)
- [Lisa] Twinkie,
your dad's here.
- Lisa, the quiche looks great.
- This is lucky number six.
- Oh, what happened
to the other five?
- Ugh, quiche again.
- It's brunch.
- Mom, everybody
knows that brunch
is just breakfast for hipsters.
- So, Vivian,
heard you went on a date
last night to the movies?
- It wasn't a date and
nobody calls me that.
- What do they call you then?
- [Egghead] Twinkie.
- [Scott] Twinkie?
- Yes, 'cause she is
yellow on the outside
and white on the inside.
- What? That's terrible.
- I like it.
- So Vivian-
- [Twinkie] Twinkie.
- Vivian, what have
you been up to?
I barely see you anymore.
- I got my pay cheque
from work yesterday,
so Egghead wanted to
use his AMC gift cards.
- Egghead?
- Matthew. They call
him Egghead now.
- Why the hell would
he do that to himself?
- Scott, language.
- So we went to go see
this awful movie together
and then Egghead
tried to kiss me.
(tense music)
- [Fred] I love you,
Angela. I always have.
- [Angela] Why
didn't you tell me?
- [Fred] I did tell you.
I told you every time
I drove you to work
or made you coffee.
- [Angela] I thought you
were just a nice guy.
- [Fred] I am a nice guy.
A nice guy who's
- A nice guy who's
- [Fred] in love with you.
- In love with you.
Twinkie.
(music swelling)
- Yup.
It completely
solidified my theory
that I'm a raging homosexual.
All in all, pretty
productive week.
What about you guys?
- You came out like that?
- Yeah, so?
- Dude, your parents are
like super conservative.
- Yeah, sure, but what
are they gonna do?
Call the adoption agency?
I don't think they accept
returns after 30 days.
- Was kissing me
really that bad?
Twinkie. (echoing)
- No.
- Look, I think I
used too much tongue.
I used too much tongue.
Hey, we can try
again if you want.
- Shh.
- [Angela] Oh, Brad.
- [Brad] Oh, Angie.
- Twinkie?
- I'm gay, Egghead.
- Why didn't tell me?
(actors moaning)
(popcorn crunching)
- [Fred] Oh, Angela.
- [Angela] Oh, Brad.
- You should start
telling people though,
because that's
not really honest.
- [Movie Goer] Shh.
- [Angela] Brad. (moaning)
- [Brad] Oh, Angela. (moaning)
- So you are a lesbian?
(Lisa coughing)
- Yes, I'm gay.
- You can't possibly know
that, you're too young.
- I'm 17.
- When I was 17, I wanted
to be a marine biologist.
And now look at me.
I'm in real estate.
- Oh my God. That is
not the same thing.
- Can we talk about
this later, please?
- No, no. Just gimme a
minute. I'm almost done.
- Listen, Vivian.
- Twinkie.
- Vivian.
- [Twinkie] Twinkie.
Twinkie.
- I know what all this
is about. Shock value.
It's why you wear those clothes.
That's why you let the
kids call you Ding Dong.
And that's fine.
But I tell you what
we're not gonna do.
We're not gonna sit here and
have this silly conversation,
which quite frankly,
is inappropriate for
someone your age.
Let's enjoy this quiche,
and I don't want to
hear anything more
about this lesbian business.
- Lesbian business?
- Quiet, Twinkie.
- Don't call her that.
(tense music fades)
(door rattling)
- [Lisa] I didn't want
this for her either.
- [Scott] The hell have
you guys been talking about
while I've been gone?
- [Lisa] Are you kidding me?
(indistinct) she was gonna
say something like that.
- [Scott] Well, then you
should've said something.
(ringtone chimes)
- [Lisa] And yet
I stayed silent.
- [Scott] And look
where that got us.
Nowhere.
- [Lisa] Okay, like
you can do any better.
- [Scott] You're her mom.
You're supposed to
know these things.
- [Lisa] What difference
does that make?
- [Scott] The
difference is to me
I have been home grown,
working day in, day out,
trying to earn a
living to give you
a roof over your head.
- [Lisa] You would be
hanging on top of the mess.
- [Scott] The mess
that you have made.
- [Lisa] You don't
understand anything.
- [Scott] More than you think.
- [Lisa] You don't.
- [Scott] No, I do.
- [Lisa] No, you don't.
- [Scott] Listen.
- [Lisa] You don't.
- [Scott] This is not the way
that we raised our daughter.
- Oh, my God.
(upbeat music)
(dial tone ringing)
- [Automated Voice]
You're calling-
(phone beeps)
(upbeat music continues)
- Yes.
(upbeat music continues)
(keyboard clacking)
(suitcase rumbling)
(ringtone chimes)
Take off the costume.
- Take off my what?
- Forget it. I'm
running away right now.
Are you in?
- What? What? Where
are you going?
- Texas.
There's this really cool
animation studio in Dallas
that I really wanna check
out, and I don't know.
I thought it'd be fun.
You know, one last
hurrah before college.
- Twinkie, you sound insane.
Is this about last night?
Because I really didn't
mean to make things awkward.
- What about last night?
- Nevermind.
- Listen, everything
is ready to go.
I just need to know if
you're coming or not.
- What about my stuff?
- Already packed?
- You went to my house?
- Yeah. I mean it isn't far.
- That's true.
- So are you coming?
- We're playing Settlers
of Catan tonight-
- Egghead.
- What?
My mother is very
serious about game night.
- No, Kathy's fine.
Look, you will not get in
any trouble, I promise.
- Oh my God.
We're so dead.
- What? You're not
chickening out, are you?
- No.
I just think it feels wrong.
Feels like he's watching us.
- Don't be such a
weenie. Come on.
(upbeat music)
You ready?
(Egghead sighs)
Here we go. Dallas, Texas, baby.
- Whoa. Okay. No
turning back now. Woo.
- Well, technically we
could, but are we going to?
- No.
- No, no.
- No, no.
Let's do this.
(car engine starts)
Is that normal?
- It's been doing
that for months.
Look, it's gonna be fine.
Think of all the kids
that are smoking crack
and having babies.
Our parents probably
think we're lame.
- You're right, you're
right. I just...
(Mother Falcon's
"Marigold" playing)
Let's do this.
(Mother Falcon's "Marigold"
continues playing)
- [Twinkie] Yeah, say cheese.
We kissed without
hesitation, no reservations
We dangle our feet
from the highest places
In the crowd of the sad
in the crowd of the mad
We are the only
smiling faces
(Twinkie laughing)
- Cash register has to pay.
("Marigold" continues playing)
(car engine roaring)
And every day and all night
Even when you're alright
I don't want to let you go
The morning light was blocked
by dusty, dirty blinds
And I could hear your
vodka kisses shouting
- Fight, fight, fight, fight.
- Fight, fight, fight, fight.
("Marigold" continues playing)
- Woo.
Is this love? I don't know
- You're so hot, baby.
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
Is this love? I don't know
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
- Twinkie.
Can I use your toothbrush?
You forgot to pack mine?
- Sure. Yeah, go for it.
- Thanks.
(ringtone chimes)
Someone's popular.
Who are you talking to?
- Just a friend
from summer camp.
- Liar.
That makes three lies so far.
Once for Fanimation Studios,
twice for telling me that
I wouldn't get in trouble,
and now thrice.
You were saying?
Summer camp? Cool.
(faucet running)
- Egghead.
- Yeah.
- Fanimation only does studio
tours on Fridays, so no rush.
- Well, then we won't be
back until like Sunday.
(Twinkie sighs)
I guess you don't really
seem gay, you know?
- What do you mean?
- Well, don't I seem straight?
- No.
Half of the school
thinks you're gay
because you sang "Tainted Love"
at the fifth grade talent show.
- Okay, well...
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
- Not really.
- Oh. (sighs)
(upbeat music)
Well then...
How did you know
that you were gay?
- Uh...
Lesbians
Lesbians
Lesbians
Be my friend
Lesbians
Uh...
- Well?
- What?
- How did you know you were gay?
- Um...
Porn.
- Porn? (echoing)
- Just forget about
it. Okay, whatever.
Shut off the light.
- How did you...?
Who even are you?
(alarm beeping)
(car engine roaring)
(phone vibrating)
(car engine roaring)
Oh, my hip hurts, dude.
We need to stretch before
we get back in the car.
- Yeah, no worries. You good?
- Yeah. Just happens sometimes.
Need to do some like-
- Hip rotations or relaxing
your pelvic region.
Sorry, I didn't
mean to interrupt.
It's just my grandma had
really bad hip pain for years,
and we all thought
it was arthritis?
Turns out it was bone cancer.
Anyway, hi, I'm Jess. I'll
be your server for today.
Can I get you guys started
with something to drink?
- Yeah, I'll have a diet Coke.
- And for the lady?
- What do you recommend?
- Oh, the Vietnamese
coffee is pretty good.
The bubble tea, obviously.
Do you like boba?
- I don't know.
I've never had it.
- Oh my god. We have a
bunch of different flavors,
but the Taro tea is the best.
I'd shoot up with that stuff
if I was like a drug
addict or something.
- Yeah. That's funny.
(both laughing awkwardly)
- Yeah.
- So did you want the Taro
or different flavor or?
- You know what? Let's
go with the Taro.
I wanna try something new.
- You know what? Yeah, I
wanna try something new.
Let me also get the Taro tea.
With the bubbles.
- Sounds good.
I'll be right back
with your bubble tea.
(whimsical music)
- Was it just me or is
that waitress like weird?
- If you say so.
(music continues)
(Twinkie slurping)
- What do you think?
- This is so good.
- Right?
Aren't you gonna try some?
- What are the black
things at the bottom?
- That's the boba.
- Say, what now?
- Dude, just try it.
Go.
- All right.
(Egghead slurps)
Oh, mm.
Oh, slimy.
- That's 'cause
they're frog eggs.
(Egghead hurling)
(Twinkie laughing)
- You suck.
- I'm gonna pee.
- No, no.
- Wait, seriously,
I have to pee.
(upbeat music)
(phone vibrating)
I wish my parents
would stop calling me.
- I think they're just
worried about you.
Maybe you should
just call 'em back.
- Yeah, I don't really feel
like getting yelled
at right now.
- Well, what do you wish
that they would say?
In like a perfect world?
- I don't know.
Maybe something like,
"We love you and we accept you
and we're proud of you
for being who you are."
Whatever.
(phone vibrating)
What are you doing?
- Your phone is ringing.
- Hello?
- Hi.
Yeah, I just wanted
to let you know that,
that I love you and I accept you
and I'm just, just
so proud of you.
And there was, hold on.
What was the last
part that you said?
- Dork.
- Okay. Ow.
No, nevermind.
I take it all back.
You're an asshole.
Okay, bye.
- You just hung up on me.
- You're being mean.
- Well, now I'm gonna
call myself back.
- I don't have enough
minutes for that.
- You don't have enough minutes,
you're not even on minutes.
I know you.
I know your mom (indistinct)
you have minutes.
- Stop.
- No.
- Gimme your-
- No.
Stop. Don't do that.
(both laughing)
I'm really glad that
we're doing this.
Just going to Dallas.
- Yeah, me too.
Thanks for coming with me.
(Egghead pops lip)
- How long have you liked me?
- What?
- I said how long
have you liked me?
- Uh.
(Dave Antrell's "A
Girl Like You" playing)
I wanna love
I wanna thrill
I wanna give all the
things like Jack and Jill
I'll be candy to
A girl like you
A girl like you
I wanna love
I wanna tease
I wanna hear her say
Johnny, please, please
(water trickling)
Uh, not long.
- Really?
- I think it was a moment
of temporary insanity
'cause you're a
girl and I'm a guy
and we hang out all the time.
So my brain was
like, kiss that girl.
But yeah, no, I'm totally
over it now though.
Yeah, I'm totally fine.
- Okay.
I didn't want you pining
over me or anything, so.
- [Speaker] I will
be at the hide out
with my girlfriend and it's...
Yeah-
- [Waitress] You
okay there, champ?
- Yeah. I'm sorry.
I'm just tired.
- Where's your friend?
- Oh, she went to the bathroom.
(ringtone chimes)
(phone tapping)
Was I supposed to know that
you were gay the whole time?
Because now I just
feel like an idiot.
- No, come on.
You're not an idiot.
But yeah, I don't know.
I guess I thought
you already knew.
- What do you mean?
- Come on, Egg.
Have I ever talked about guys?
Or even looked at
guys like that?
- No, but I just
figured that was
because you were
in love with me.
- What?
- Oh.
No. I'm sorry. I was zoning out.
What were you saying?
- Nevermind. I'm going to bed.
(soft music)
- We'll be in Dallas
tomorrow night.
- Mm.
There's this club I
really wanna check out.
- We're not old enough
to go to a club.
Twinkie.
- Yeah?
- How do you know you're
not like bisexual?
- I guess I could be.
I just wouldn't be
attracted to you,
specifically.
Well, goodnight.
- Goodnight.
(faucet dripping)
Wakey, wakey, you
lying piece of-
- Cake?
- No, no, no, no, no.
That is not how it happened.
- What do you mean? I woke
up, you were screaming at me.
- I was not screaming at you.
- Yes, you were.
- No, all I said was,
"Twinkie, you ready to get up?
- That's not what I remember.
- (scoffs) Okay.
Well you're not exactly
a trustworthy source.
Why did you ask me
to go to Dallas?
- Because I thought it
would be fun, obviously.
What's your problem.
- I'm flying to
Stanford in three weeks
and I won't be back
until Turkey Day.
- Yeah, I know.
- So this is the last thing
that we're gonna do
together before college.
Our trip, just going
to Texas, you and me.
Being best buds. Am I right?
- I guess.
- Why else would I be here?
To drive you around to
beat your chauffeur?
- What? No, you're here because
I wanna spend time with you.
What are you talking about?
- Okay, then why are
we going to Dallas?
- To go to Fanimation Studios.
- Really?
(phone chimes)
- You snooped through my phone?
- Your girlfriend sent like a
million texts and woke me up.
(continuous notifications)
What the...
Hello? Are you crazy?
She could be a catfish
or a serial killer.
- She's not a catfish, okay.
We talk on the
phone all the time
and she has a really
popular Instagram,
so I don't see
why you're trying-
- Oh, okay. All right.
Well, enough then.
That makes her
totally legit then.
- She is.
- Do you even know
what she looks like?
Have you ever tried
to FaceTime her?
- No, but that was because
her app wasn't working,
so I just-
- Oh my God. Are you stupid?
Or you just that desperate
for any woman's attention?
- You know, maybe I am.
Is that a problem?
- I just don't think
this is a good idea.
- Right? Because you're jealous.
- I'm not jealous.
You're my best friend and
you're not acting like yourself.
We tell each other
everything, right?
- Yeah, but how was I
supposed to know that you-
- You lied to me.
- I didn't lie. I
was gonna tell you.
- When? When I
took you to Dallas?
Drove you all the way
there, did my job?
- It's not like that.
- You're using me to
get what you want.
Do you think I
wanna go to a club?
To a gay club?
- I don't know. Maybe.
- No, I don't
because I'm not gay.
Do you even stop to
think for one second
how not fun that might
have been for me?
No, you're being selfish.
- I'm not selfish, okay?
I'm just trying to
exist and have a life.
And sometimes it feels like
you can't be a part
of that anymore.
- Maybe you're right.
And I should have
known this trip
was only ever
gonna be about you.
(upbeat music)
(keys jingling)
Are you serious?
Twinkie.
Oh, my god, oh my god.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no. Come on, Twinkie.
Stop, stop the car.
Twinkie.
(fire crackling)
(car engine roaring)
(Twinkie sighs)
(upbeat pop music)
(upbeat rock music)
(static crackling)
(car beeping)
(gravel crunching)
- Ugh.
Come on. Fu--!
(phone vibrating)
(Egghead sighs)
(suspenseful music)
(vending machine rattling)
- Ow.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I kick you?
- Jerk.
Look, I'm really, really sorry.
Honestly.
I was being a dickhead.
A fry.
How generous.
- But seriously, where were you
and why did you not call me?
- Didn't have my phone.
- You couldn't have
borrowed somebody else's?
- I don't have your
number memorized.
- Oh my God.
- I just always
use your contact.
- Answer the question.
When was the last
time you changed your-
- Oil.
- I don't know. A while ago.
- Yeah, I can see that.
What about tires?
Oh.
(Randy laughing)
Who's this chump?
- That's my dad.
- Oh.
Yeah, I can see the resemblance.
Well, you've got a coolant
problem, little lady.
You see that there?
Radiator hose is split. Now
I can replace that easy.
A leaky water pump
is a different story.
Thing is...
I ain't really a mechanic
more the go-to car
guy in these parts.
- Right. Okay.
So where's a mechanic?
- About a hundred
miles that way.
Yeah.
So if you wanna wait
someplace with AC,
there is a diner right
here on main street
and there's a Baptist
church, Methodist church,
Chinese place.
- Wait, wait. The Chinese place.
(soft rock music)
Hey.
- Holy shit.
- Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
- You scared me.
- I did not mean to do that.
- No. It's okay.
I just didn't expect
to see you here.
Are you staying in town or?
- No, no. It's kind of
a funny story actually.
See, I was going to Dallas,
but then I took the wrong turn,
so I ended up driving
back the way we came from,
and then my car broke down
and then I got stranded
for like two hours
and now I'm waiting for the
mechanic guy to fix it, so.
- So is your friend with you?
I'm really, really sorry about
the whole frog eggs thing.
- Oh, no, no. Don't be.
He's back at the motel.
- We don't have any motels.
- Oh, no, no, not, not here.
Like 50 miles back.
What are you listening to?
- Oh, just some playlists
called Sick Beatz.
You wanna listen?
- Oh.
- Well, that sounds like
bullshit.
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean?
You're telling me
your car broke down
and you were
conveniently stranded
with Boba girl of all people?
- Yeah, but it
wasn't convenient.
Super inconvenient, actually.
- Oh. Sure it was.
- You wanna hear
the story or not?
(bell chimes)
- Holy shit.
- Wanna listen?
- Sure, yeah.
(distant music)
- I like girls.
- What?
- I said I like the
squirrels on your pants.
(air wheezing)
- Oh, oh my God. No, I...
Things were really
crazy this morning,,
so I didn't have time
to change, and...
- I totally understand.
You can take my
clothes if you want.
- What?
- Sorry?
Not take my clothes.
Like steal them or rip them
off my body or whatever.
(Twinkie laughing)
More like I'm going
home for lunch,
and you can come and borrow
some clothes if you want.
The guy who's fixing your
car, it's Randy, right?
- Yeah.
You know him?
- Everyone knows everyone.
I can give him a call,
let him know you're here.
All righty, Randy.
Okay.
Yes, yes, you too.
All righty. Bye.
Apparently your car is even
more jacked than we thought.
- Did you say five hours?
- Yeah, maybe more.
Randy's driving to the city
to pick up some new parts.
So he said you're lucky the
car didn't catch on fire
or completely destroy itself.
Or you would've been-
(toast sizzling)
Oh man, it's burnt.
- Sure you don't want
some of this instead?
- I'm sure.
You get sick of Chinese food
when you serve it all day.
- But it's so good.
(Jess giggles)
So your family's Chinese?
- No. What gave you that idea?
(gong sounds)
- Just a hunch?
- Well, we're Japanese.
We started out serving Chinese
and Japanese food, you know,
like generic Asian cuisine,
but half the town only
eats orange chicken anyway,
so we simplified.
- Well, I'm Chinese.
Kind of.
Both of my parents are white.
- Oh, so you're adopted?
- Yeah, but not from China.
When I was a kid,
strangers used to
come up to my mom
and ask where she
adopted me from.
Totally threw them off
when she said Miami.
(both laughing)
- But you're not only
Chinese, you look mixed.
- I don't know.
Everyone thinks I look Chinese,
so I usually just
say that I'm Chinese.
- Oh, so you're whatever
people say you are.
Well, in that case you look...
50% Chinese,
and...
50% pajama chic.
- Pajama chic?
(door grinding)
- Wow.
You look really nice.
- Thanks.
- So like you don't have to
answer this, but are you gay?
(choral music)
- No.
- Oh, so,
you're an ally, or?
- Oh no, I'm bi.
My mom bought the wrong
flag for me last year
when I came out and
she was so excited,
I just didn't have
the heart to tell her.
- Cool. That's awesome.
I think these pants
are too tight.
- Try on the shorts.
("Girl" by Bad Bad Hats playing)
(zipper grinds)
(door grinds)
Are you gay?
Because that's the gayest
outfit I've ever seen.
What? What's wrong with it?
- Nothing's wrong with it.
What? Are you homophobic?
Let's see.
(distant music playing)
I have an idea.
("Girl" continues playing)
What do you think about
Okay, this would
look really good.
- No, no, no.
- Just try it on.
Just try it on.
- Okay.
Yours.
- Cute. Why do you have this?
- My lady.
- Now that would
look really good.
- I can't put my arms in.
Girl
Girl
There is a light between us
When you are not touching me
My love's another year older
But it's crushing me,
it's crushing me, oh
Girl
- I really like her style.
- Oh wait, go back.
That post is about me.
- Cute. So she's
your girlfriend?
- No, not yet, but
we talk all the time.
- Hmm.
- I think she's gonna make
it official when we meet.
That's from Dallas Pride.
She told me all
about it afterwards.
- Oh, lucky.
I was supposed to
go to LA Pride,
but we ended up
moving here instead.
And Deer Creek Pride is a more
of a secret solo celebration.
(both laughing)
So what does BD even stand for?
Belly dance?
- No.
- Baby daddy?
- No.
It stands for her Instagram
handle, Big Dyke Energy.
Big Dyke.
- Oh yeah, of course.
- Oh shut up.
- Yeah, big dyke.
(Jess laughing)
So what's her real name?
- She's gonna tell me when
we finally meet on Friday.
- Like tomorrow Friday?
- Shit. Oh my God.
Can I DM on her
Instagram real quick?
- Oh yeah.
Have you tried messaging
what's-his-name?
Eggman?
(upbeat music)
- He doesn't have
an Instagram.
Or any social media.
I mean, he is not
really a phone person.
- Hi, Mr. Harris.
Twinkie can't come to the
phone right now because...
She's taking a shower.
She is a selective mute.
Your daughter is on a ski trip.
She is still in the shower.
I know.
Twinkie has died...
In a horrific car accident.
How did I survive?
- Can you stop interrupting me?
I'm trying to tell a story here.
- Well, your parents
left nine voicemails.
Nine.
Twinkie, we really
should call them back
when we get to the motel.
Twinkie.
- Did your parents actually
name you after a Hostess cake?
(Twinkie laughing)
- Nah, it's Vivian, but
everyone calls me Twinkie.
- Why?
- Because I want them to.
Okay, so last summer
my parents sent me
to this week-long Chinese camp
to learn more about my culture.
And the kids there, you know,
I was so excited
because I thought
I was finally gonna
fit in, but I didn't.
Though there's one girl there
that kept calling me a Twinkie
because I'm yellow
on the outside and
white on the inside.
- White on the inside.
- Yeah.
So I started calling myself
Twinkie because screw that.
- At least Twinkie
is kind of cute.
She gonna called
you Ding Dong or...
Ho Ho?
- Oh my God. Ho ho Harris?
- Sounds like a
slutty Christmas self.
(in sultry voice) Here
comes ho ho Harris
singing "Santa Baby."
- Oh, stop.
(both laughing)
(magical music)
Jess.
- Yeah.
- Do I even look Chinese?
- Is this about
what I said earlier
when I said you look mixed?
Don't worry about it. I was
just talking to talk, you know?
- I guess, but it's like I've
always been the Asian girl.
You know?
The girl adopted from China,
even though that's not true.
- Miami, China, same difference.
(both chuckle)
- Maybe it's stupid.
I hated being
different for so long
and now that I finally
like being Chinese,
it's like everyone just
keeps saying you're a Twinkie
or you look mixed.
- Whoa, wait. That's
not what I'm saying.
You're Chinese, you totally are,
but you're also mixed with
everything else too, you know?
- I guess.
- So that doesn't make
you any less Chinese.
Makes you more of everything.
More like yourself.
- Yeah.
(soft music)
Thanks.
(phone vibrating)
- Good news. Your car is ready.
- Mm. What time is it?
- [Jess] Almost midnight.
Took a lot longer
than five hours.
Do you wanna just sleep over
and leave in the morning?
- Thanks, but I should go.
Egghead is going to kill me.
(hood thumps)
- See? All hunky dory.
Now what did I just say?
- Hunky dory.
- She's running low on gas.
You gotta fill her up first
chance you get, and I mean that.
All right, now it'll
be 280 for everything.
- Sorry, I only have 260.
- Well, that's just great.
Oh, let me wipe
down that window,
bird's been shittin'
all over the place.
(gravel crunching)
- Well, I guess this is it.
- Yep. Guess so.
Then Jess was like...
- Peace out.
- And I was like see you never.
Then I got in the car and
drove all the way back
to the motel and now we're here.
The end.
- Oh my God. That
was an awful story.
There was way too
much exposition.
It floundered in the second
act and you rushed the ending.
Have you ever heard of
rising action or denouement?
- Yeah. Well, that's
what happened.
- I have to pee.
- Well, I guess this is it.
- I guess so.
And thank you by the way,
for letting me borrow
your clothes off.
- Oh no. Yeah, of course.
It was a lot of fun.
I was just about to say,
maybe we can do
this again sometime,
but we're probably never
gonna see each other again.
Oh.
- Oh. Okay.
Awe.
(chimes chimimg)
(ominous music)
What are you doing?
- I can't find my wallet.
- Maybe you left
it at the motel.
- Huh? Well you're paying right?
- Well, technically
my dad's paying.
- Wait, you're out
of cash already?
- I had to pay the mechanic.
- All right. I'm gonna
retrace my steps.
Maybe I left it in the bathroom.
Be right back.
(ominous music)
- [Jess] Well, what's wrong?
Twinkie?
- Nothing.
What are you trying
to do? Kiss me?
- What? No, we were
literally hugging.
- Yeah, but you were looking
at me like Egghead did
before he decided
to tongue me during
the worst movie of all time.
(car door slams)
- Are you sure you don't wanna
wait until Randy gets back?
(car starting)
I didn't mean to freak
you out. I'm sorry.
- You didn't freak me out.
I just...
I need to go.
I'm sorry.
Get home safe.
- The payment didn't go through.
Do you have another card?
No, but that shouldn't
actually be a problem.
Let me call my bank.
- Okay, well it's not the
bathroom, so I must have-
- Sit down.
My card got declined. I think
my dad froze the account.
- That dick.
What if this was an
actual emergency?
- This is an actual emergency.
What're we gonna do? We owe
them like $46 and 52 cents.
We have to tell them
that I lost my wallet.
Do you really
wanna tell that guy
that we don't have any money?
We're gonna have to run for it.
- What?
- People dine and
dash all the time.
Okay? At least we
feel bad about it.
- Twinkie, it's stealing.
(upbeat music)
- You're right. You
really wanna stay?
- Yes.
- Then I'll go and
you can stay here.
After all, you are the
one who ordered all food.
I just got a small black coffee.
- You
are evil.
- So here's the plan.
I'm gonna go outside and start
the car and you count to 30.
Actually count to
60, make it 60.
And then go outside,
make a run for it.
- Wait, wait, why am I
doing all the running?
- Because I have
to call my bank.
Hi. Yes.
Hello? I...
Yes, I have a question
about my credit card.
I'm trying to make a payment
but it won't go through
for some reason.
- Wait, wait. Oh my god.
- Yeah, of course.
Yeah, one second.
- Oh, my credit card
number is gonna be 8, 3, 7.
- 1.
- 9, 3. Bullshit.
- Twinkie.
(engine starting)
(car beeping)
(phone beeping)
- Shit.
- 54.
(indistinct)
take me home say
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
(gravel crunching)
(car starting)
Go, go, go.
- What? What's happening?
- Shit. We're out of gas.
- Are you kidding me?
- Hey.
- Get out, run.
- Whoa.
- (indistinct) going.
- I can (indistinct)
- Whoa.
(indistinct chatter)
- Go ahead and run.
We got your car.
You come back here again,
I'll skin you alive.
You hear me?
You're dead.
- Wait, wait.
Come on.
It's just the lows
of high society
Damn it.
- Damn it.
(gravel crunching)
- Hey.
What do you think you're doing?
- I was passing out fliers
that might interest you
and your customers.
- You one of them Mormons?
- What?
- You a fairy or something?
- No. Why does
everyone think that?
My name is Cuthbert.
I am with the National
Campaign of the Climate Change.
Good to meet you, Bob.
- Climate change.
You want to talk to me
about climate change?
- Yes.
- Yeah, well lookie
here, all right?
I don't appreciate you
hassling my customers
with a bunch of propaganda.
So you just go back and
you tell your people
that we're not interested.
- But, but, but no.
The polar bears.
Yeah, you like polar bears?
- I don't know. I never met one.
- They are awesome.
(upbeat music)
Look, did you know that we
are pumping record levels
of carbon dioxide
into the atmosphere,
which is trapping
heat from the sun
and melting the polar ice caps?
- This just an
attack on big oil.
(paper crumpling)
But don't worry, I won't
shoot the messenger.
(Egghead chuckling)
- Well, you know, you...
Bob, you. Stop it.
You're a funny guy.
Bob, the polar
bear are drowning.
- Get your hands off me.
What did you say
your name was again?
- It's Matthew.
- Matthew, I thought
you said your name was-
- Egghead.
(Egghead whimpering)
- Hey.
- Drive.
Drive, drive.
- Stop the car.
Stop the car.
- Sorry, Bob.
- Son of a.
(car engine roaring)
(ringtone chimes)
- What are you smiling
out over there?
- Nothing.
Jess added me on Instagram.
- Jess.
The Boba girl?
- Yep.
- Okay, look,
I know we're headed to Dallas
to see BD and all that,
but I think Boba girl
has a crush on you, dude.
(Twinkie laughing)
- What?
- [Egghead] Yeah.
- No.
She's way too cool for me, dude.
- Didn't we meet
the same person?
- Shut up.
Look, she's cool.
(ringtone chimes)
(phone tapping)
(Twinkie chuckles)
BD says she can meet us there.
(ringtone chiming)
Why don't you tell
me more about BD?
Like what is she like?
How'd you guys meet?
Did you reverse image
search any of her photos?
- She's not a catfish.
(Twinkie sighs)
Okay, so I DMd her on
Instagram like six months ago
and she actually
responded, which was crazy.
So we were DMing for a
while and then she asked me
for my number.
And now we text
like all the time.
She's honestly just like
a really cool person.
Really confident and authentic.
Tell me how you're feeling
Are cool or are we freezing
'Cause I can't take it
Don't want your fake shit
No, baby, it ain't
gonna shake my heart
Tell me how you're feeling
And I don't need
your kneeling
- You made this?
- Ew, no. One of
our fan girls did.
Keys.
Tell me how you're feeling
Are we cool or
are we freezing
You ready to change?
- Uh.
You know, I think I'm just
gonna go on this, honestly.
- Why? The whole point of
the party is to dress up.
- Yeah, no, I know, I just...
I don't want to give
people the the wrong idea.
- What do you mean?
- I just mean...
You know, we're
going to a gay club,
and I would be wearing
a rainbow outfit.
- Okay.
Suit yourself.
- Okay, so what is
this place called?
Hideaway?
The Hidey Hole.
The hide, it's hide something.
It's...
(indistinct chatter)
(phone ringing)
- [Automated Voice] Your
call has been forwarded to a-
- She's not picking up.
- What? Well, you
can't go in there.
You're not old
enough to keep going-
- Shh. I know.
Just let me think.
- IDs, ladies.
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
Okay, I'm gonna go in there,
and just tell her to call you
and you can just
wait by the car.
Okay?
- I got it.
You're okay? Yeah, yeah.
Go, go, go.
- Okay.
(indistinct chatter)
- [Bouncer] Next.
- You do know this
is lady's night?
Lez Dance?
- Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
(bouncer chuckles)
Thanks.
- Next.
(upbeat music)
(indistinct chatter)
- Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Do you know where to find BD?
- What?
- BD.
Oh, oh, Big Dyke.
Do you know a Big Dyke?
You don't know?
(people cheering)
- Woo hoo hoo.
(people cheering)
- Yeah.
(people cheering)
- What are you doing out here.
Now I'm gonna have to
pay to get back in.
- Okay, question.
Do you rip your band-aids off
or do you peel 'em off slowly?
- What are you talking about?
You're being all
cryptic and weird.
- Okay, okay.
I'm gonna say this to you,
but you have got to let
me explain it, okay?
- Okay.
- I think BD's cheating on you.
I don't...
I walked in and I saw her on
stage and there was this girl
and she just came up to her
and they started kissing,
But I'm...
I don't know. I don't know.
I'm sorry, Twinkie. I'm sorry.
(phone vibrating)
- Well, congratulations.
I guess that means I can be
your girlfriend now, right?
- Twinkie? That's...
- Hey.
What? I can't hear you.
Look, why aren't you
answering any of my calls?
I'm stuck in the parking lot.
- [BD] I'm sorry, okay?
Feminix was supposed to go first
and she switched
with me last minute.
I'll be out in like 10 minutes.
Can I call you back?
- Hold on.
Egghead said he saw
you kissing some girl.
Who is she?
- Oh my God. Did
she talk about me?
- She's just a friend.
You know, part of
the whole DJ thing.
For the show or whatever.
You're not mad at me, are you?
- No, it's just...
I don't know, it kind of
felt like we were dating.
- [BD] No, I don't.
- Not dating,
but it kind of felt like
it was just you and me.
- I don't really do the
whole relationship thing.
It's cute though. I'm flattered.
- How come you never told me
that you were
seeing other people?
- [BD] I mean,
was I supposed to?
We're not dating, so.
- Yeah, I know, but we've
been talking for months.
- Yeah.
- Yeah 'cause I
like talking to you.
But, it's casual, you know?
- Casual?
You said I love you
to me over text.
- Yeah, and I say I love
you to like everybody.
- That doesn't make any sense.
- [BD] Come on, Twinkie.
I probably told you.
- No, you didn't
because I was waiting
for you to talk about
some other girl.
I was like, there's
no way she likes me,
but after six months I started
to think maybe she does,
maybe she actually does.
- [BD] Oh my God.
Jesus, Twinkie.
I do like you, okay?
You live on like the
other side of the country.
You think I'm gonna start a
long distance relationship
with someone I barely even know?
I didn't tell you cause I
didn't wanna hurt your feelings.
Okay?
I was trying to protect you.
- Look, I don't need protecting.
- Oh, come on. I've
been out since I was 14.
I've been out for
like, what? Four days?
You barely even
know who you are.
- Listen,
why don't you just come outside
and we can talk about this?
- [Hot Girl] Get off your
phone. Let's go dance.
Let's go dance.
- [BD] I don't know.
Kind of freaking
me out right now.
- What do you mean? I'm
just trying to talk to you.
- [BD] No, you're not.
You're trying to blame
all of this on me.
Make me the bad guy.
You're the one who
assumed all of this.
- Look. You're right.
Okay.
Can we just forget
any of this happened
and just go in and dance?
I mean, if you still want to.
- [BD] Do you still want to?
I don't know.
I feel like you're pissed at me.
- Look, I'm not, okay.
I like you. I really like you.
I don't know, I just
want you to like me back.
(indistinct chatter)
- [BD] Look, I'm sorry, okay.
This was a bad idea.
You're making me feel like
a total asshole right now,
you know?
I think you should just go home.
I'm sorry you came all this way.
- Wait, are you serious?
(phone beeps)
(Twinkie sobbing)
(somber orchestral music)
- [Egghead] Twinkie?
- I messed up.
Can you just go inside and
ask the bouncer to let me in
for like five minutes?
(Twinkie sobbing)
I just wanna go in, Egg.
(somber music continues)
- Twinkie.
(car engine roaring)
I don't think we have enough
money to stay in another motel.
Barely have enough
to get food and gas.
Where are we gonna
sleep tonight, man?
- I just wanna go home.
And if we don't stop, it
should only be 16 hours.
- We have to stop.
We have to stretch,
use the bathroom.
I know that you're
hurt right now.
I also got like three hours
of sleep last night, so.
Can you do that...?
Play some rock music for
me? Keep me awake, okay.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Scott] Vivian, it's
Dad. I am tired of calling.
You're gonna have to
come home eventually.
And when you do, they're
going to be serious,
and I mean serious consequences.
We raised you better than this.
(scanner beeping)
- 8.02.
- $8?
- 6.31.
Thank you.
- Hey, I really like your pin.
- Thanks. I got it at
Pride back in June.
They have a whole bunch
of cute vendors and stuff.
- I've never been, so.
- What? Girl, you
are missing out.
It's so much fun.
Me and my friends, we go
every summer. (chuckles)
All right, so here is your...
- Egghead, we gotta
look back on the road.
- Just five more minutes
and I'll feed the dog.
(Egghead sniffing)
- My parents are gonna kill me.
I never should've stolen
my dad's car, but...
(somber music)
I was so pissed because he
never takes me seriously,
and my mom just goes along
with whatever he says,
even though it makes you mad.
And then BD said that I
barely even know who I am,
but that's not true.
I've known that I was gay
since the fifth grade.
And it's like everybody thinks
that they know me
better than I do.
(Egghead sniffing)
I know you still like me,
and it sucks because
it makes me feel like
you don't believe me either.
(Egghead snorts)
(Twinkie giggling)
Dork.
(Twinkie groans)
Ow.
What the hell?
- Rise and shine.
Today, we're gonna turn
that frown upside down.
(air horn honks)
- Can you not?
What are you...
Why're are you
dressed like that?
- What? You mean this old thing?
- This is about what
I said last night?
You were awake the whole time?
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
I'm just showing support
from my best friend
who is super cool
and gay and unique.
- And you could even say
that she is a fruit loop
in a world of Cheerios.
- A fruit loop.
- I dunno. I saw it
on a T-shirt once.
Listen up, Twinkie,
I am proud of you.
And you are a totally
cool, legit lesbian.
Not that I'm an
expert in that field.
(Twinkie laughing)
The point is, you don't have
to prove yourself to me.
You don't have to prove
yourself to your parents.
You don't have to prove
yourself to anyone.
And I will wear this
costume every day
if that is what makes
you feel better,
because seeing you upset is like
the worst thing in the world,
and honestly, you're very
scary when you're pissed off.
Whoa.
- So let's go get your girl.
- My girl. You mean BD?
- No, no, the other one.
Boba girl.
BG.
- Wait, Jess?
- Yes.
- She obviously likes
you for some reason,
and correct me if I'm wrong,
but you may be kind of
sorta of like her back.
- Listen, thanks for
whatever this is,
but I kind of really
messed things up with Jess
and she probably hates me.
- What?
- No, no, no.
She opposite of hates you.
- She loves me?
- Love is a little intense,
but maybe she does,
and at the very
least she likes you
and she's not a complete
jerkwad like Big Dick.
- Okay, but what
if you're wrong?
- Well, then you'll
just be friendzoned
and depressed like me.
(Mother Falcon's
"Marigold" playing)
So what do you say? Are you in?
(Twinkie chuckles)
That's what I thought.
(Mother Falcon's "Marigold"
continues playing)
Every day and all night
'Til the morning's
always bright
I don't want to see you go
Every day and all night
Even when you're alright
I don't want to let you go
Is this love? I don't know
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
Is this love? I don't know
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
- I can't do it.
- What do you mean?
No, no, no. What do you mean?
You've got it.
- I don't even have a plan.
- No, you don't need a plan.
That's what's so romantic.
No plan. No plan.
Just pure carnal instinct.
- Egghead, you've kissed
one girl and now she's gay.
- Oh. There she is.
She's alone behind the
restaurant. This is perfect.
- [Twinkie] For what? A mugging?
(both laughing)
(horn honking)
- Come on, stop.
- Get out.
She's staring, she's staring.
- I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.
- She's staring.
(car engine roaring)
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here?
Did you forget something?
- Kind of.
I'll just come over.
I'll come over to you.
We're on our way back, so I
wanted to stop and say hi.
And this is for you.
(hopeful music)
- Wait, you drew this?
Thanks.
- Stop.
- Ow. My sciatica.
- So I called her out on
it and she ghosted me.
Blocked me on text,
Instagram, everything.
- Man, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
She's kinda of an asshole.
- Sounds like it. Yeah.
And I work in food service,
so I've met some pretty
exceptional assholes.
- So are you listening
to more Sick Beatz?
- Yeah, the sickest.
(Twinkie laughing)
You wanna listen?
(distant music playing)
- Hey Jess, listen.
I'm really sorry for
freaking out last time
when we said goodbye.
I did...
- It's okay. I get it.
- Really?
- Yeah. I mean it
was kind of my fault.
You had a thing for BD and
it was probably stupid,
obviously that I liked you.
- Liked as in past tense?
- Past, present.
Future?
Oh wow. Your friend
is stretching.
- Yeah, his hips
started bothering him
like 50 miles back.
Just pretend he's...
- Oh, it's kind of hard.
He's really getting into it.
Is he wearing a tutu?
- Oh my god.
Holy shit.
- Holy shit.
Walls down
Make it count
'Cause love is all
we need right now
Love is all we
need right now
- Are you on lunch?
- No, I'm not. I
have to go back.
I have to go back to it.
- How did it go?
- It was perfect.
Got her number and everything.
- Wow. Look at you.
Well, I hate to
burst your bubble,
but we have a hellish
drive ahead of us.
So I mapped out the
route and it says
it should only take 10
hours if we don't stop.
But obviously, we have to stop.
So factoring a three hour nap
and approximately four pit
stops for food and gas,
that puts us there
at around 8:00 AM.
- You're a really good friend.
- Thanks.
All right.
- Oh my god, this is
gonna take forever.
(car engine roaring)
(horn honking)
- Watch you piece of-
(static hissing)
(car engine roaring)
Twinkie.
Twinkie, wake up.
We're here.
- Oh my God.
- Your parents left
me another voicemail.
- Sorry about that.
- No, it's okay.
They text me all the time
and they call me too.
Your mom made a group
chat and everything.
- What?
- Your dad sent me a little GIF
of a piggy wearing rain boots.
- Why didn't you tell me
you were texting my parents?
Dude, they're obviously
using you to get to me.
- I know.
What do you think that I
think that they're doing?
Try to be my new
middle-aged best friends?
Twinkie, we stole your dad's
car and just disappeared.
I don't want them to like
call the cops or something.
We should at least hear
what they have to say.
- [Lisa] Hi, Matthew.
It's me again.
I was hoping you could pass
on a message to Vivian.
It's just her dad and
I love her very much.
Whatever's going on, we
wanna help her figure it out.
Okay. Mr. Harris is
gonna say something now.
- [Scott] Hi, Matthew.
Some good news for you.
The guy at the
restaurant, Bob Hudson,
he said he doesn't
wanna press charges.
- Wait, stop.
- [Scott] Can you please tell-
- You told my dad about Bob?
- What? No, no, no, no.
He just must have
found out somehow.
Well, at least she's
not pressing charges.
It's good old Bob.
- [Scott] Please tell Vivian
to be an adult and call me back
because we love her very much.
We do, it's just, you know,
we don't really talk
about this stuff,
but we're willing to try
if that's what she wants.
Okay. That's it.
Drive safe.
- [Lisa] Thanks, Matthew. Bye.
- Wow.
They completely avoided
the whole gay thing.
(Egghead sighs)
- I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I think they'll come around.
You ready to go in?
- (sighs) Yeah.
I want you to have this.
- The whole thing?
(Egghead laughing)
Oh wow.
This is so cool.
Us said the diner.
(laughing) There's Bob.
Oh my god.
You really captured his essence.
- Really gonna miss you.
- What are you talking about?
I don't leave for
like three weeks.
- Two and a half, I checked.
- So what?
There are so many
things that we can do
in two and a half weeks.
I'm pretty sure that we're
fired for stealing Cuthbert.
So I don't have anything
to do except for packing
and hanging out with you.
- Yeah, I'm probably grounded,
but you can just
sneak it window.
- Yeah. I figured.
(soft music)
(keys jingling)
(Jukebox The Ghosts' "The
Great Unknown" playing)
Walking through
the heavy light
The streets are empty
And you don't feel right
You didn't want to
let yourself down
So don't be
scared to get out
There's 1,000 voices
saying the time is now
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
The great unknown
Keep your head up
Don't take your
eyes off the road
No you're never gonna change
by doin' what you're told
You don't wanna
let yourself down
So don't be scared
to stand out
There's 1,000 voices
saying the time is now
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
The great unknown
The great unknown
In the great unknown
The great unknown
The great unknown
The time is now
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
(upbeat electronic music)
(upbeat pop music)
(Twinkie sighs)
- [Twinkie] Let's
get this over with.
Hi, I'm Twinkie
Harris, spaceman icon,
master of sarcasm and
anime extraordinaire.
These are my parents.
They're separated but trying
to get back together, maybe.
I don't really know.
And this is Egghead, he's
cool, but also smart.
Like straight A's
on every test since
elementary school smart.
we became best friends
in the fourth grade
when he moved into the house,
across the street from me.
I saw him Naruto running in
his front yard one morning,
then the rest is history.
We like a lot of
the same things.
Slushies, anime, soft pretzels,
(beep), riding our bikes.
The list goes on.
And Egghead is a
really good friend.
Yeah, such a great friend.
(upbeat synth pop music)
I'm gonna miss him when he
goes to Stanford in the fall.
He's studying engineering,
while I'm working on my art,
figuring out what my
next step is gonna be.
I wanna be an animator someday.
Egghead made me promise
that I'll put him in a show
when I have my big break,
but for now, it's
just the two of us.
Egghead and Twinkie,
bestest of friends.
Who never, ever fight and
are totally getting along.
(table tapping)
(doodle Twinkie sobbing)
- Sorry for the wait. Can I
get y'all something to drink?
(paper crumpling)
- Yes. Can I please have a-
- Yes, I will have a lemonade,
and a diet Coke and a
chocolate milkshake,
as well as baked mac and
cheese, a classic cheeseburger.
And what's your
favorite dessert here?
- Carrot cake's pretty
good. (chuckles)
- I'll have one of those too.
- And for you, hun?
- Can I have a coffee?
- She will have a
small black coffee.
- That'll be right out.
- Are you done being petty now?
- Me petty?
You left me in the middle
of nowhere stranded.
- What do you want me to say?
- I want you to be honest.
I need to know the whole story.
Okay? From beginning
to end, everything.
- I don't even know
where to start.
(tense music)
- Start here. Who
the heck is BD?
(tense music swelling)
(phone tapping)
(phone vibrating)
(pen scratching)
(sword slices)
(phone vibrating)
(horn honks)
(pen scratches)
- Shit.
(Air Traffic Controller's
"Hurry Hurry" playing)
Come on.
Where's my hat? Where's my hat?
I wish I'd snoozed
I could have used
a bit more sleep
Put on my shoes, these
ones are ruining my feet
Eat that apple to the core
As I hurry, hurry
out the door
And on my way
to seize the day
I start to think
Did I leave something on
the counter by the sink
Check my pockets, never mind
Hurry, hurry there's no time
(horn honks)
Coming, I'm coming. Stop.
But I'm the jerk
who's late again
And they know well
that I was up 'til 4 AM
You've run too
much in parallel
Now hurry hurry is your hell
The output is what you
put in and it ain't enough
If you're not focused
on the most important...
(ringtone chimes)
(Twinkie chuckles)
(horn honking)
Coming.
Ooh I'm gonna miss something
As I keep bumping the
most significant stuff
- Oh good. You're up.
Matthew's outside.
- Mom, nobody calls him that.
(keys jingling)
- Wait, your dad called.
He's coming over
for brunch tomorrow,
so you need to make
sure that you're home.
- Okay, fine. Gotta go.
- Say hi to your
boyfriend for me.
- [Twinkie] Oh my God.
(door clicks)
Shit.
Ooh I'm gonna miss something
As I keep bumping The
most significant stuff
All my friends and
all the loose ends
- [Egghead] Come on.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
You didn't have to honk
the horn that loud.
- Well, I didn't
think you would wait.
- The whole (indistinct)
could hear us.
Hurry, hurry, oh
Hurry, hurry, oh
Hurry, hurry, oh
- We are so fired.
- Yeah well, you know,
maybe that wouldn't
be the worst thing.
(car engine roaring)
- [Egghead] What the?
How are you gonna make money?
Whoa oh
Put your seatbelt on.
- [Twinkie] My
seatbelt is on, mom.
- [Egghead] Okay, great.
I'm just making sure.
Wait, your mom thinks
I'm your boyfriend?
- My mom thinks yogurt is vegan
and vaccines cause autism,
of course she thinks
you're my boyfriend.
- Oh.
- It's like 'cause you're a dude
and you drive me everywhere,
that automatically makes you
my boyfriend or something.
- I'm pretty sure that
makes me your chauffeur.
- Yeah, well, lucky for you,
I'm getting my license
next month, so.
- You've been saying
that literally all year.
What are you gonna
do when I leave?
I drive you to school,
I drive you to work.
You would even have a summer
job without me, actually.
- Yeah, what a
tragedy that would be.
- Do you know how many kids
applied to work at Rick's?
We lucked out big time.
(car engine roaring)
(brakes squeaking)
- Hey, yo Chinese girl,
Jake thinks you're hot.
- Yo, shut up, man.
- (indistinct)
- I'm gonna punch those
guys in the throat.
- Well, that's not
very sunny of you.
- Ah ha ha. I hate this costume.
Why do I always
have to be Cuthbert?
- Because you're a
better dancer than me.
- I do have some
pretty sick moves.
Woo.
- Just so you know,
I'm calling you sick tomorrow.
- What?
- Dad's coming over
for brunch.
- Your dad's back in town?
- Yeah, apparently lost
like 20 pounds since he
and my mom separated.
- Really?
Dude, imagine how much
weight he would lose
if they got a divorce.
(child giggling)
Huh? Incoming.
Ho ho ho, hi, ya kids.
Hope you have a sunny day.
(kids screaming)
Oh my God.
Is any of this relevant?
- If I don't tell you what
happened exactly as it happened,
then you'll start
asking questions
about why everything happened
the way that it happened.
- But at this rate,
I'm never gonna know.
What's happening?
- Dude, you just dropped
me off like 10 minutes ago.
- I know that we still have
to finish our "Naruto"
marathon and all.
But my mom gave me
an AMC gift card.
Apparently she cleaned
up at Bunco last night.
- Hmm. Typical Kathy.
- [Egghead] Yeah.
I was wondering if
maybe you wanted
to go see a movie with me later.
- Sure. What movie?
- I don't know, some random
romcom that my mom picked up,
that I have not seen, obviously.
- Yeah, yeah. What time?
- Well, the movie
starts at 7:00,
but I could pick you up at 6:15
so we have enough time to
pee before the trailers?
Sound good?
Twink?
(keyboard tapping)
- Uh. Yeah, sure. Sounds good.
I'll see you then.
(upbeat hip-hop music)
- Okay.
What? Don't be late.
(phone beeps)
Yes.
(doorbell rings)
- Hey.
- Hi.
Are you ready?
I brought a Slushie?
- Ooh. Thanks. Gimme
like two seconds.
- Well, lucky for you, we
don't have to stop for snacks.
What? Why? Check it.
- What? That's awesome.
- Right? We have Twizzlers,
M&Ms, gummy bears,
gummy worms, Cheetos, popcorn,
baby wipes.
- Baby wipes?
- Well, yeah for
the Cheeto Dust.
- Duh.
- [Egghead] Ay, duh.
(door thumps)
(door clicks)
- [Speaker on TV]
Sponsor, (indistinct),
which is a very popular
perfume (indistinct)
If you want 10% off
your first bottle-
- Hey. How was the movie?
- It was fine.
- How's Matthew doing? Is he
excited to go to Stanford?
- Yeah, I think so.
I mean, it's Stanford so.
- I know you're gonna miss him.
Oh, long distance
isn't easy but...
I see the way that
boy looks at you.
- [Speaker Over TV] Obsessed
with this brand, and-
- You two are
gonna be just fine.
(Twinkie sighs)
(Twinkie screams)
(Twinkie snoring)
(phone vibrating)
(phone continues vibrating)
(ambient music)
- Holy shit.
(doorbell rings)
- [Lisa] Twinkie,
your dad's here.
- Lisa, the quiche looks great.
- This is lucky number six.
- Oh, what happened
to the other five?
- Ugh, quiche again.
- It's brunch.
- Mom, everybody
knows that brunch
is just breakfast for hipsters.
- So, Vivian,
heard you went on a date
last night to the movies?
- It wasn't a date and
nobody calls me that.
- What do they call you then?
- [Egghead] Twinkie.
- [Scott] Twinkie?
- Yes, 'cause she is
yellow on the outside
and white on the inside.
- What? That's terrible.
- I like it.
- So Vivian-
- [Twinkie] Twinkie.
- Vivian, what have
you been up to?
I barely see you anymore.
- I got my pay cheque
from work yesterday,
so Egghead wanted to
use his AMC gift cards.
- Egghead?
- Matthew. They call
him Egghead now.
- Why the hell would
he do that to himself?
- Scott, language.
- So we went to go see
this awful movie together
and then Egghead
tried to kiss me.
(tense music)
- [Fred] I love you,
Angela. I always have.
- [Angela] Why
didn't you tell me?
- [Fred] I did tell you.
I told you every time
I drove you to work
or made you coffee.
- [Angela] I thought you
were just a nice guy.
- [Fred] I am a nice guy.
A nice guy who's
- A nice guy who's
- [Fred] in love with you.
- In love with you.
Twinkie.
(music swelling)
- Yup.
It completely
solidified my theory
that I'm a raging homosexual.
All in all, pretty
productive week.
What about you guys?
- You came out like that?
- Yeah, so?
- Dude, your parents are
like super conservative.
- Yeah, sure, but what
are they gonna do?
Call the adoption agency?
I don't think they accept
returns after 30 days.
- Was kissing me
really that bad?
Twinkie. (echoing)
- No.
- Look, I think I
used too much tongue.
I used too much tongue.
Hey, we can try
again if you want.
- Shh.
- [Angela] Oh, Brad.
- [Brad] Oh, Angie.
- Twinkie?
- I'm gay, Egghead.
- Why didn't tell me?
(actors moaning)
(popcorn crunching)
- [Fred] Oh, Angela.
- [Angela] Oh, Brad.
- You should start
telling people though,
because that's
not really honest.
- [Movie Goer] Shh.
- [Angela] Brad. (moaning)
- [Brad] Oh, Angela. (moaning)
- So you are a lesbian?
(Lisa coughing)
- Yes, I'm gay.
- You can't possibly know
that, you're too young.
- I'm 17.
- When I was 17, I wanted
to be a marine biologist.
And now look at me.
I'm in real estate.
- Oh my God. That is
not the same thing.
- Can we talk about
this later, please?
- No, no. Just gimme a
minute. I'm almost done.
- Listen, Vivian.
- Twinkie.
- Vivian.
- [Twinkie] Twinkie.
Twinkie.
- I know what all this
is about. Shock value.
It's why you wear those clothes.
That's why you let the
kids call you Ding Dong.
And that's fine.
But I tell you what
we're not gonna do.
We're not gonna sit here and
have this silly conversation,
which quite frankly,
is inappropriate for
someone your age.
Let's enjoy this quiche,
and I don't want to
hear anything more
about this lesbian business.
- Lesbian business?
- Quiet, Twinkie.
- Don't call her that.
(tense music fades)
(door rattling)
- [Lisa] I didn't want
this for her either.
- [Scott] The hell have
you guys been talking about
while I've been gone?
- [Lisa] Are you kidding me?
(indistinct) she was gonna
say something like that.
- [Scott] Well, then you
should've said something.
(ringtone chimes)
- [Lisa] And yet
I stayed silent.
- [Scott] And look
where that got us.
Nowhere.
- [Lisa] Okay, like
you can do any better.
- [Scott] You're her mom.
You're supposed to
know these things.
- [Lisa] What difference
does that make?
- [Scott] The
difference is to me
I have been home grown,
working day in, day out,
trying to earn a
living to give you
a roof over your head.
- [Lisa] You would be
hanging on top of the mess.
- [Scott] The mess
that you have made.
- [Lisa] You don't
understand anything.
- [Scott] More than you think.
- [Lisa] You don't.
- [Scott] No, I do.
- [Lisa] No, you don't.
- [Scott] Listen.
- [Lisa] You don't.
- [Scott] This is not the way
that we raised our daughter.
- Oh, my God.
(upbeat music)
(dial tone ringing)
- [Automated Voice]
You're calling-
(phone beeps)
(upbeat music continues)
- Yes.
(upbeat music continues)
(keyboard clacking)
(suitcase rumbling)
(ringtone chimes)
Take off the costume.
- Take off my what?
- Forget it. I'm
running away right now.
Are you in?
- What? What? Where
are you going?
- Texas.
There's this really cool
animation studio in Dallas
that I really wanna check
out, and I don't know.
I thought it'd be fun.
You know, one last
hurrah before college.
- Twinkie, you sound insane.
Is this about last night?
Because I really didn't
mean to make things awkward.
- What about last night?
- Nevermind.
- Listen, everything
is ready to go.
I just need to know if
you're coming or not.
- What about my stuff?
- Already packed?
- You went to my house?
- Yeah. I mean it isn't far.
- That's true.
- So are you coming?
- We're playing Settlers
of Catan tonight-
- Egghead.
- What?
My mother is very
serious about game night.
- No, Kathy's fine.
Look, you will not get in
any trouble, I promise.
- Oh my God.
We're so dead.
- What? You're not
chickening out, are you?
- No.
I just think it feels wrong.
Feels like he's watching us.
- Don't be such a
weenie. Come on.
(upbeat music)
You ready?
(Egghead sighs)
Here we go. Dallas, Texas, baby.
- Whoa. Okay. No
turning back now. Woo.
- Well, technically we
could, but are we going to?
- No.
- No, no.
- No, no.
Let's do this.
(car engine starts)
Is that normal?
- It's been doing
that for months.
Look, it's gonna be fine.
Think of all the kids
that are smoking crack
and having babies.
Our parents probably
think we're lame.
- You're right, you're
right. I just...
(Mother Falcon's
"Marigold" playing)
Let's do this.
(Mother Falcon's "Marigold"
continues playing)
- [Twinkie] Yeah, say cheese.
We kissed without
hesitation, no reservations
We dangle our feet
from the highest places
In the crowd of the sad
in the crowd of the mad
We are the only
smiling faces
(Twinkie laughing)
- Cash register has to pay.
("Marigold" continues playing)
(car engine roaring)
And every day and all night
Even when you're alright
I don't want to let you go
The morning light was blocked
by dusty, dirty blinds
And I could hear your
vodka kisses shouting
- Fight, fight, fight, fight.
- Fight, fight, fight, fight.
("Marigold" continues playing)
- Woo.
Is this love? I don't know
- You're so hot, baby.
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
Is this love? I don't know
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
- Twinkie.
Can I use your toothbrush?
You forgot to pack mine?
- Sure. Yeah, go for it.
- Thanks.
(ringtone chimes)
Someone's popular.
Who are you talking to?
- Just a friend
from summer camp.
- Liar.
That makes three lies so far.
Once for Fanimation Studios,
twice for telling me that
I wouldn't get in trouble,
and now thrice.
You were saying?
Summer camp? Cool.
(faucet running)
- Egghead.
- Yeah.
- Fanimation only does studio
tours on Fridays, so no rush.
- Well, then we won't be
back until like Sunday.
(Twinkie sighs)
I guess you don't really
seem gay, you know?
- What do you mean?
- Well, don't I seem straight?
- No.
Half of the school
thinks you're gay
because you sang "Tainted Love"
at the fifth grade talent show.
- Okay, well...
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
- Not really.
- Oh. (sighs)
(upbeat music)
Well then...
How did you know
that you were gay?
- Uh...
Lesbians
Lesbians
Lesbians
Be my friend
Lesbians
Uh...
- Well?
- What?
- How did you know you were gay?
- Um...
Porn.
- Porn? (echoing)
- Just forget about
it. Okay, whatever.
Shut off the light.
- How did you...?
Who even are you?
(alarm beeping)
(car engine roaring)
(phone vibrating)
(car engine roaring)
Oh, my hip hurts, dude.
We need to stretch before
we get back in the car.
- Yeah, no worries. You good?
- Yeah. Just happens sometimes.
Need to do some like-
- Hip rotations or relaxing
your pelvic region.
Sorry, I didn't
mean to interrupt.
It's just my grandma had
really bad hip pain for years,
and we all thought
it was arthritis?
Turns out it was bone cancer.
Anyway, hi, I'm Jess. I'll
be your server for today.
Can I get you guys started
with something to drink?
- Yeah, I'll have a diet Coke.
- And for the lady?
- What do you recommend?
- Oh, the Vietnamese
coffee is pretty good.
The bubble tea, obviously.
Do you like boba?
- I don't know.
I've never had it.
- Oh my god. We have a
bunch of different flavors,
but the Taro tea is the best.
I'd shoot up with that stuff
if I was like a drug
addict or something.
- Yeah. That's funny.
(both laughing awkwardly)
- Yeah.
- So did you want the Taro
or different flavor or?
- You know what? Let's
go with the Taro.
I wanna try something new.
- You know what? Yeah, I
wanna try something new.
Let me also get the Taro tea.
With the bubbles.
- Sounds good.
I'll be right back
with your bubble tea.
(whimsical music)
- Was it just me or is
that waitress like weird?
- If you say so.
(music continues)
(Twinkie slurping)
- What do you think?
- This is so good.
- Right?
Aren't you gonna try some?
- What are the black
things at the bottom?
- That's the boba.
- Say, what now?
- Dude, just try it.
Go.
- All right.
(Egghead slurps)
Oh, mm.
Oh, slimy.
- That's 'cause
they're frog eggs.
(Egghead hurling)
(Twinkie laughing)
- You suck.
- I'm gonna pee.
- No, no.
- Wait, seriously,
I have to pee.
(upbeat music)
(phone vibrating)
I wish my parents
would stop calling me.
- I think they're just
worried about you.
Maybe you should
just call 'em back.
- Yeah, I don't really feel
like getting yelled
at right now.
- Well, what do you wish
that they would say?
In like a perfect world?
- I don't know.
Maybe something like,
"We love you and we accept you
and we're proud of you
for being who you are."
Whatever.
(phone vibrating)
What are you doing?
- Your phone is ringing.
- Hello?
- Hi.
Yeah, I just wanted
to let you know that,
that I love you and I accept you
and I'm just, just
so proud of you.
And there was, hold on.
What was the last
part that you said?
- Dork.
- Okay. Ow.
No, nevermind.
I take it all back.
You're an asshole.
Okay, bye.
- You just hung up on me.
- You're being mean.
- Well, now I'm gonna
call myself back.
- I don't have enough
minutes for that.
- You don't have enough minutes,
you're not even on minutes.
I know you.
I know your mom (indistinct)
you have minutes.
- Stop.
- No.
- Gimme your-
- No.
Stop. Don't do that.
(both laughing)
I'm really glad that
we're doing this.
Just going to Dallas.
- Yeah, me too.
Thanks for coming with me.
(Egghead pops lip)
- How long have you liked me?
- What?
- I said how long
have you liked me?
- Uh.
(Dave Antrell's "A
Girl Like You" playing)
I wanna love
I wanna thrill
I wanna give all the
things like Jack and Jill
I'll be candy to
A girl like you
A girl like you
I wanna love
I wanna tease
I wanna hear her say
Johnny, please, please
(water trickling)
Uh, not long.
- Really?
- I think it was a moment
of temporary insanity
'cause you're a
girl and I'm a guy
and we hang out all the time.
So my brain was
like, kiss that girl.
But yeah, no, I'm totally
over it now though.
Yeah, I'm totally fine.
- Okay.
I didn't want you pining
over me or anything, so.
- [Speaker] I will
be at the hide out
with my girlfriend and it's...
Yeah-
- [Waitress] You
okay there, champ?
- Yeah. I'm sorry.
I'm just tired.
- Where's your friend?
- Oh, she went to the bathroom.
(ringtone chimes)
(phone tapping)
Was I supposed to know that
you were gay the whole time?
Because now I just
feel like an idiot.
- No, come on.
You're not an idiot.
But yeah, I don't know.
I guess I thought
you already knew.
- What do you mean?
- Come on, Egg.
Have I ever talked about guys?
Or even looked at
guys like that?
- No, but I just
figured that was
because you were
in love with me.
- What?
- Oh.
No. I'm sorry. I was zoning out.
What were you saying?
- Nevermind. I'm going to bed.
(soft music)
- We'll be in Dallas
tomorrow night.
- Mm.
There's this club I
really wanna check out.
- We're not old enough
to go to a club.
Twinkie.
- Yeah?
- How do you know you're
not like bisexual?
- I guess I could be.
I just wouldn't be
attracted to you,
specifically.
Well, goodnight.
- Goodnight.
(faucet dripping)
Wakey, wakey, you
lying piece of-
- Cake?
- No, no, no, no, no.
That is not how it happened.
- What do you mean? I woke
up, you were screaming at me.
- I was not screaming at you.
- Yes, you were.
- No, all I said was,
"Twinkie, you ready to get up?
- That's not what I remember.
- (scoffs) Okay.
Well you're not exactly
a trustworthy source.
Why did you ask me
to go to Dallas?
- Because I thought it
would be fun, obviously.
What's your problem.
- I'm flying to
Stanford in three weeks
and I won't be back
until Turkey Day.
- Yeah, I know.
- So this is the last thing
that we're gonna do
together before college.
Our trip, just going
to Texas, you and me.
Being best buds. Am I right?
- I guess.
- Why else would I be here?
To drive you around to
beat your chauffeur?
- What? No, you're here because
I wanna spend time with you.
What are you talking about?
- Okay, then why are
we going to Dallas?
- To go to Fanimation Studios.
- Really?
(phone chimes)
- You snooped through my phone?
- Your girlfriend sent like a
million texts and woke me up.
(continuous notifications)
What the...
Hello? Are you crazy?
She could be a catfish
or a serial killer.
- She's not a catfish, okay.
We talk on the
phone all the time
and she has a really
popular Instagram,
so I don't see
why you're trying-
- Oh, okay. All right.
Well, enough then.
That makes her
totally legit then.
- She is.
- Do you even know
what she looks like?
Have you ever tried
to FaceTime her?
- No, but that was because
her app wasn't working,
so I just-
- Oh my God. Are you stupid?
Or you just that desperate
for any woman's attention?
- You know, maybe I am.
Is that a problem?
- I just don't think
this is a good idea.
- Right? Because you're jealous.
- I'm not jealous.
You're my best friend and
you're not acting like yourself.
We tell each other
everything, right?
- Yeah, but how was I
supposed to know that you-
- You lied to me.
- I didn't lie. I
was gonna tell you.
- When? When I
took you to Dallas?
Drove you all the way
there, did my job?
- It's not like that.
- You're using me to
get what you want.
Do you think I
wanna go to a club?
To a gay club?
- I don't know. Maybe.
- No, I don't
because I'm not gay.
Do you even stop to
think for one second
how not fun that might
have been for me?
No, you're being selfish.
- I'm not selfish, okay?
I'm just trying to
exist and have a life.
And sometimes it feels like
you can't be a part
of that anymore.
- Maybe you're right.
And I should have
known this trip
was only ever
gonna be about you.
(upbeat music)
(keys jingling)
Are you serious?
Twinkie.
Oh, my god, oh my god.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no. Come on, Twinkie.
Stop, stop the car.
Twinkie.
(fire crackling)
(car engine roaring)
(Twinkie sighs)
(upbeat pop music)
(upbeat rock music)
(static crackling)
(car beeping)
(gravel crunching)
- Ugh.
Come on. Fu--!
(phone vibrating)
(Egghead sighs)
(suspenseful music)
(vending machine rattling)
- Ow.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I kick you?
- Jerk.
Look, I'm really, really sorry.
Honestly.
I was being a dickhead.
A fry.
How generous.
- But seriously, where were you
and why did you not call me?
- Didn't have my phone.
- You couldn't have
borrowed somebody else's?
- I don't have your
number memorized.
- Oh my God.
- I just always
use your contact.
- Answer the question.
When was the last
time you changed your-
- Oil.
- I don't know. A while ago.
- Yeah, I can see that.
What about tires?
Oh.
(Randy laughing)
Who's this chump?
- That's my dad.
- Oh.
Yeah, I can see the resemblance.
Well, you've got a coolant
problem, little lady.
You see that there?
Radiator hose is split. Now
I can replace that easy.
A leaky water pump
is a different story.
Thing is...
I ain't really a mechanic
more the go-to car
guy in these parts.
- Right. Okay.
So where's a mechanic?
- About a hundred
miles that way.
Yeah.
So if you wanna wait
someplace with AC,
there is a diner right
here on main street
and there's a Baptist
church, Methodist church,
Chinese place.
- Wait, wait. The Chinese place.
(soft rock music)
Hey.
- Holy shit.
- Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
- You scared me.
- I did not mean to do that.
- No. It's okay.
I just didn't expect
to see you here.
Are you staying in town or?
- No, no. It's kind of
a funny story actually.
See, I was going to Dallas,
but then I took the wrong turn,
so I ended up driving
back the way we came from,
and then my car broke down
and then I got stranded
for like two hours
and now I'm waiting for the
mechanic guy to fix it, so.
- So is your friend with you?
I'm really, really sorry about
the whole frog eggs thing.
- Oh, no, no. Don't be.
He's back at the motel.
- We don't have any motels.
- Oh, no, no, not, not here.
Like 50 miles back.
What are you listening to?
- Oh, just some playlists
called Sick Beatz.
You wanna listen?
- Oh.
- Well, that sounds like
bullshit.
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean?
You're telling me
your car broke down
and you were
conveniently stranded
with Boba girl of all people?
- Yeah, but it
wasn't convenient.
Super inconvenient, actually.
- Oh. Sure it was.
- You wanna hear
the story or not?
(bell chimes)
- Holy shit.
- Wanna listen?
- Sure, yeah.
(distant music)
- I like girls.
- What?
- I said I like the
squirrels on your pants.
(air wheezing)
- Oh, oh my God. No, I...
Things were really
crazy this morning,,
so I didn't have time
to change, and...
- I totally understand.
You can take my
clothes if you want.
- What?
- Sorry?
Not take my clothes.
Like steal them or rip them
off my body or whatever.
(Twinkie laughing)
More like I'm going
home for lunch,
and you can come and borrow
some clothes if you want.
The guy who's fixing your
car, it's Randy, right?
- Yeah.
You know him?
- Everyone knows everyone.
I can give him a call,
let him know you're here.
All righty, Randy.
Okay.
Yes, yes, you too.
All righty. Bye.
Apparently your car is even
more jacked than we thought.
- Did you say five hours?
- Yeah, maybe more.
Randy's driving to the city
to pick up some new parts.
So he said you're lucky the
car didn't catch on fire
or completely destroy itself.
Or you would've been-
(toast sizzling)
Oh man, it's burnt.
- Sure you don't want
some of this instead?
- I'm sure.
You get sick of Chinese food
when you serve it all day.
- But it's so good.
(Jess giggles)
So your family's Chinese?
- No. What gave you that idea?
(gong sounds)
- Just a hunch?
- Well, we're Japanese.
We started out serving Chinese
and Japanese food, you know,
like generic Asian cuisine,
but half the town only
eats orange chicken anyway,
so we simplified.
- Well, I'm Chinese.
Kind of.
Both of my parents are white.
- Oh, so you're adopted?
- Yeah, but not from China.
When I was a kid,
strangers used to
come up to my mom
and ask where she
adopted me from.
Totally threw them off
when she said Miami.
(both laughing)
- But you're not only
Chinese, you look mixed.
- I don't know.
Everyone thinks I look Chinese,
so I usually just
say that I'm Chinese.
- Oh, so you're whatever
people say you are.
Well, in that case you look...
50% Chinese,
and...
50% pajama chic.
- Pajama chic?
(door grinding)
- Wow.
You look really nice.
- Thanks.
- So like you don't have to
answer this, but are you gay?
(choral music)
- No.
- Oh, so,
you're an ally, or?
- Oh no, I'm bi.
My mom bought the wrong
flag for me last year
when I came out and
she was so excited,
I just didn't have
the heart to tell her.
- Cool. That's awesome.
I think these pants
are too tight.
- Try on the shorts.
("Girl" by Bad Bad Hats playing)
(zipper grinds)
(door grinds)
Are you gay?
Because that's the gayest
outfit I've ever seen.
What? What's wrong with it?
- Nothing's wrong with it.
What? Are you homophobic?
Let's see.
(distant music playing)
I have an idea.
("Girl" continues playing)
What do you think about
Okay, this would
look really good.
- No, no, no.
- Just try it on.
Just try it on.
- Okay.
Yours.
- Cute. Why do you have this?
- My lady.
- Now that would
look really good.
- I can't put my arms in.
Girl
Girl
There is a light between us
When you are not touching me
My love's another year older
But it's crushing me,
it's crushing me, oh
Girl
- I really like her style.
- Oh wait, go back.
That post is about me.
- Cute. So she's
your girlfriend?
- No, not yet, but
we talk all the time.
- Hmm.
- I think she's gonna make
it official when we meet.
That's from Dallas Pride.
She told me all
about it afterwards.
- Oh, lucky.
I was supposed to
go to LA Pride,
but we ended up
moving here instead.
And Deer Creek Pride is a more
of a secret solo celebration.
(both laughing)
So what does BD even stand for?
Belly dance?
- No.
- Baby daddy?
- No.
It stands for her Instagram
handle, Big Dyke Energy.
Big Dyke.
- Oh yeah, of course.
- Oh shut up.
- Yeah, big dyke.
(Jess laughing)
So what's her real name?
- She's gonna tell me when
we finally meet on Friday.
- Like tomorrow Friday?
- Shit. Oh my God.
Can I DM on her
Instagram real quick?
- Oh yeah.
Have you tried messaging
what's-his-name?
Eggman?
(upbeat music)
- He doesn't have
an Instagram.
Or any social media.
I mean, he is not
really a phone person.
- Hi, Mr. Harris.
Twinkie can't come to the
phone right now because...
She's taking a shower.
She is a selective mute.
Your daughter is on a ski trip.
She is still in the shower.
I know.
Twinkie has died...
In a horrific car accident.
How did I survive?
- Can you stop interrupting me?
I'm trying to tell a story here.
- Well, your parents
left nine voicemails.
Nine.
Twinkie, we really
should call them back
when we get to the motel.
Twinkie.
- Did your parents actually
name you after a Hostess cake?
(Twinkie laughing)
- Nah, it's Vivian, but
everyone calls me Twinkie.
- Why?
- Because I want them to.
Okay, so last summer
my parents sent me
to this week-long Chinese camp
to learn more about my culture.
And the kids there, you know,
I was so excited
because I thought
I was finally gonna
fit in, but I didn't.
Though there's one girl there
that kept calling me a Twinkie
because I'm yellow
on the outside and
white on the inside.
- White on the inside.
- Yeah.
So I started calling myself
Twinkie because screw that.
- At least Twinkie
is kind of cute.
She gonna called
you Ding Dong or...
Ho Ho?
- Oh my God. Ho ho Harris?
- Sounds like a
slutty Christmas self.
(in sultry voice) Here
comes ho ho Harris
singing "Santa Baby."
- Oh, stop.
(both laughing)
(magical music)
Jess.
- Yeah.
- Do I even look Chinese?
- Is this about
what I said earlier
when I said you look mixed?
Don't worry about it. I was
just talking to talk, you know?
- I guess, but it's like I've
always been the Asian girl.
You know?
The girl adopted from China,
even though that's not true.
- Miami, China, same difference.
(both chuckle)
- Maybe it's stupid.
I hated being
different for so long
and now that I finally
like being Chinese,
it's like everyone just
keeps saying you're a Twinkie
or you look mixed.
- Whoa, wait. That's
not what I'm saying.
You're Chinese, you totally are,
but you're also mixed with
everything else too, you know?
- I guess.
- So that doesn't make
you any less Chinese.
Makes you more of everything.
More like yourself.
- Yeah.
(soft music)
Thanks.
(phone vibrating)
- Good news. Your car is ready.
- Mm. What time is it?
- [Jess] Almost midnight.
Took a lot longer
than five hours.
Do you wanna just sleep over
and leave in the morning?
- Thanks, but I should go.
Egghead is going to kill me.
(hood thumps)
- See? All hunky dory.
Now what did I just say?
- Hunky dory.
- She's running low on gas.
You gotta fill her up first
chance you get, and I mean that.
All right, now it'll
be 280 for everything.
- Sorry, I only have 260.
- Well, that's just great.
Oh, let me wipe
down that window,
bird's been shittin'
all over the place.
(gravel crunching)
- Well, I guess this is it.
- Yep. Guess so.
Then Jess was like...
- Peace out.
- And I was like see you never.
Then I got in the car and
drove all the way back
to the motel and now we're here.
The end.
- Oh my God. That
was an awful story.
There was way too
much exposition.
It floundered in the second
act and you rushed the ending.
Have you ever heard of
rising action or denouement?
- Yeah. Well, that's
what happened.
- I have to pee.
- Well, I guess this is it.
- I guess so.
And thank you by the way,
for letting me borrow
your clothes off.
- Oh no. Yeah, of course.
It was a lot of fun.
I was just about to say,
maybe we can do
this again sometime,
but we're probably never
gonna see each other again.
Oh.
- Oh. Okay.
Awe.
(chimes chimimg)
(ominous music)
What are you doing?
- I can't find my wallet.
- Maybe you left
it at the motel.
- Huh? Well you're paying right?
- Well, technically
my dad's paying.
- Wait, you're out
of cash already?
- I had to pay the mechanic.
- All right. I'm gonna
retrace my steps.
Maybe I left it in the bathroom.
Be right back.
(ominous music)
- [Jess] Well, what's wrong?
Twinkie?
- Nothing.
What are you trying
to do? Kiss me?
- What? No, we were
literally hugging.
- Yeah, but you were looking
at me like Egghead did
before he decided
to tongue me during
the worst movie of all time.
(car door slams)
- Are you sure you don't wanna
wait until Randy gets back?
(car starting)
I didn't mean to freak
you out. I'm sorry.
- You didn't freak me out.
I just...
I need to go.
I'm sorry.
Get home safe.
- The payment didn't go through.
Do you have another card?
No, but that shouldn't
actually be a problem.
Let me call my bank.
- Okay, well it's not the
bathroom, so I must have-
- Sit down.
My card got declined. I think
my dad froze the account.
- That dick.
What if this was an
actual emergency?
- This is an actual emergency.
What're we gonna do? We owe
them like $46 and 52 cents.
We have to tell them
that I lost my wallet.
Do you really
wanna tell that guy
that we don't have any money?
We're gonna have to run for it.
- What?
- People dine and
dash all the time.
Okay? At least we
feel bad about it.
- Twinkie, it's stealing.
(upbeat music)
- You're right. You
really wanna stay?
- Yes.
- Then I'll go and
you can stay here.
After all, you are the
one who ordered all food.
I just got a small black coffee.
- You
are evil.
- So here's the plan.
I'm gonna go outside and start
the car and you count to 30.
Actually count to
60, make it 60.
And then go outside,
make a run for it.
- Wait, wait, why am I
doing all the running?
- Because I have
to call my bank.
Hi. Yes.
Hello? I...
Yes, I have a question
about my credit card.
I'm trying to make a payment
but it won't go through
for some reason.
- Wait, wait. Oh my god.
- Yeah, of course.
Yeah, one second.
- Oh, my credit card
number is gonna be 8, 3, 7.
- 1.
- 9, 3. Bullshit.
- Twinkie.
(engine starting)
(car beeping)
(phone beeping)
- Shit.
- 54.
(indistinct)
take me home say
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
(gravel crunching)
(car starting)
Go, go, go.
- What? What's happening?
- Shit. We're out of gas.
- Are you kidding me?
- Hey.
- Get out, run.
- Whoa.
- (indistinct) going.
- I can (indistinct)
- Whoa.
(indistinct chatter)
- Go ahead and run.
We got your car.
You come back here again,
I'll skin you alive.
You hear me?
You're dead.
- Wait, wait.
Come on.
It's just the lows
of high society
Damn it.
- Damn it.
(gravel crunching)
- Hey.
What do you think you're doing?
- I was passing out fliers
that might interest you
and your customers.
- You one of them Mormons?
- What?
- You a fairy or something?
- No. Why does
everyone think that?
My name is Cuthbert.
I am with the National
Campaign of the Climate Change.
Good to meet you, Bob.
- Climate change.
You want to talk to me
about climate change?
- Yes.
- Yeah, well lookie
here, all right?
I don't appreciate you
hassling my customers
with a bunch of propaganda.
So you just go back and
you tell your people
that we're not interested.
- But, but, but no.
The polar bears.
Yeah, you like polar bears?
- I don't know. I never met one.
- They are awesome.
(upbeat music)
Look, did you know that we
are pumping record levels
of carbon dioxide
into the atmosphere,
which is trapping
heat from the sun
and melting the polar ice caps?
- This just an
attack on big oil.
(paper crumpling)
But don't worry, I won't
shoot the messenger.
(Egghead chuckling)
- Well, you know, you...
Bob, you. Stop it.
You're a funny guy.
Bob, the polar
bear are drowning.
- Get your hands off me.
What did you say
your name was again?
- It's Matthew.
- Matthew, I thought
you said your name was-
- Egghead.
(Egghead whimpering)
- Hey.
- Drive.
Drive, drive.
- Stop the car.
Stop the car.
- Sorry, Bob.
- Son of a.
(car engine roaring)
(ringtone chimes)
- What are you smiling
out over there?
- Nothing.
Jess added me on Instagram.
- Jess.
The Boba girl?
- Yep.
- Okay, look,
I know we're headed to Dallas
to see BD and all that,
but I think Boba girl
has a crush on you, dude.
(Twinkie laughing)
- What?
- [Egghead] Yeah.
- No.
She's way too cool for me, dude.
- Didn't we meet
the same person?
- Shut up.
Look, she's cool.
(ringtone chimes)
(phone tapping)
(Twinkie chuckles)
BD says she can meet us there.
(ringtone chiming)
Why don't you tell
me more about BD?
Like what is she like?
How'd you guys meet?
Did you reverse image
search any of her photos?
- She's not a catfish.
(Twinkie sighs)
Okay, so I DMd her on
Instagram like six months ago
and she actually
responded, which was crazy.
So we were DMing for a
while and then she asked me
for my number.
And now we text
like all the time.
She's honestly just like
a really cool person.
Really confident and authentic.
Tell me how you're feeling
Are cool or are we freezing
'Cause I can't take it
Don't want your fake shit
No, baby, it ain't
gonna shake my heart
Tell me how you're feeling
And I don't need
your kneeling
- You made this?
- Ew, no. One of
our fan girls did.
Keys.
Tell me how you're feeling
Are we cool or
are we freezing
You ready to change?
- Uh.
You know, I think I'm just
gonna go on this, honestly.
- Why? The whole point of
the party is to dress up.
- Yeah, no, I know, I just...
I don't want to give
people the the wrong idea.
- What do you mean?
- I just mean...
You know, we're
going to a gay club,
and I would be wearing
a rainbow outfit.
- Okay.
Suit yourself.
- Okay, so what is
this place called?
Hideaway?
The Hidey Hole.
The hide, it's hide something.
It's...
(indistinct chatter)
(phone ringing)
- [Automated Voice] Your
call has been forwarded to a-
- She's not picking up.
- What? Well, you
can't go in there.
You're not old
enough to keep going-
- Shh. I know.
Just let me think.
- IDs, ladies.
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
Okay, I'm gonna go in there,
and just tell her to call you
and you can just
wait by the car.
Okay?
- I got it.
You're okay? Yeah, yeah.
Go, go, go.
- Okay.
(indistinct chatter)
- [Bouncer] Next.
- You do know this
is lady's night?
Lez Dance?
- Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
(bouncer chuckles)
Thanks.
- Next.
(upbeat music)
(indistinct chatter)
- Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Do you know where to find BD?
- What?
- BD.
Oh, oh, Big Dyke.
Do you know a Big Dyke?
You don't know?
(people cheering)
- Woo hoo hoo.
(people cheering)
- Yeah.
(people cheering)
- What are you doing out here.
Now I'm gonna have to
pay to get back in.
- Okay, question.
Do you rip your band-aids off
or do you peel 'em off slowly?
- What are you talking about?
You're being all
cryptic and weird.
- Okay, okay.
I'm gonna say this to you,
but you have got to let
me explain it, okay?
- Okay.
- I think BD's cheating on you.
I don't...
I walked in and I saw her on
stage and there was this girl
and she just came up to her
and they started kissing,
But I'm...
I don't know. I don't know.
I'm sorry, Twinkie. I'm sorry.
(phone vibrating)
- Well, congratulations.
I guess that means I can be
your girlfriend now, right?
- Twinkie? That's...
- Hey.
What? I can't hear you.
Look, why aren't you
answering any of my calls?
I'm stuck in the parking lot.
- [BD] I'm sorry, okay?
Feminix was supposed to go first
and she switched
with me last minute.
I'll be out in like 10 minutes.
Can I call you back?
- Hold on.
Egghead said he saw
you kissing some girl.
Who is she?
- Oh my God. Did
she talk about me?
- She's just a friend.
You know, part of
the whole DJ thing.
For the show or whatever.
You're not mad at me, are you?
- No, it's just...
I don't know, it kind of
felt like we were dating.
- [BD] No, I don't.
- Not dating,
but it kind of felt like
it was just you and me.
- I don't really do the
whole relationship thing.
It's cute though. I'm flattered.
- How come you never told me
that you were
seeing other people?
- [BD] I mean,
was I supposed to?
We're not dating, so.
- Yeah, I know, but we've
been talking for months.
- Yeah.
- Yeah 'cause I
like talking to you.
But, it's casual, you know?
- Casual?
You said I love you
to me over text.
- Yeah, and I say I love
you to like everybody.
- That doesn't make any sense.
- [BD] Come on, Twinkie.
I probably told you.
- No, you didn't
because I was waiting
for you to talk about
some other girl.
I was like, there's
no way she likes me,
but after six months I started
to think maybe she does,
maybe she actually does.
- [BD] Oh my God.
Jesus, Twinkie.
I do like you, okay?
You live on like the
other side of the country.
You think I'm gonna start a
long distance relationship
with someone I barely even know?
I didn't tell you cause I
didn't wanna hurt your feelings.
Okay?
I was trying to protect you.
- Look, I don't need protecting.
- Oh, come on. I've
been out since I was 14.
I've been out for
like, what? Four days?
You barely even
know who you are.
- Listen,
why don't you just come outside
and we can talk about this?
- [Hot Girl] Get off your
phone. Let's go dance.
Let's go dance.
- [BD] I don't know.
Kind of freaking
me out right now.
- What do you mean? I'm
just trying to talk to you.
- [BD] No, you're not.
You're trying to blame
all of this on me.
Make me the bad guy.
You're the one who
assumed all of this.
- Look. You're right.
Okay.
Can we just forget
any of this happened
and just go in and dance?
I mean, if you still want to.
- [BD] Do you still want to?
I don't know.
I feel like you're pissed at me.
- Look, I'm not, okay.
I like you. I really like you.
I don't know, I just
want you to like me back.
(indistinct chatter)
- [BD] Look, I'm sorry, okay.
This was a bad idea.
You're making me feel like
a total asshole right now,
you know?
I think you should just go home.
I'm sorry you came all this way.
- Wait, are you serious?
(phone beeps)
(Twinkie sobbing)
(somber orchestral music)
- [Egghead] Twinkie?
- I messed up.
Can you just go inside and
ask the bouncer to let me in
for like five minutes?
(Twinkie sobbing)
I just wanna go in, Egg.
(somber music continues)
- Twinkie.
(car engine roaring)
I don't think we have enough
money to stay in another motel.
Barely have enough
to get food and gas.
Where are we gonna
sleep tonight, man?
- I just wanna go home.
And if we don't stop, it
should only be 16 hours.
- We have to stop.
We have to stretch,
use the bathroom.
I know that you're
hurt right now.
I also got like three hours
of sleep last night, so.
Can you do that...?
Play some rock music for
me? Keep me awake, okay.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Scott] Vivian, it's
Dad. I am tired of calling.
You're gonna have to
come home eventually.
And when you do, they're
going to be serious,
and I mean serious consequences.
We raised you better than this.
(scanner beeping)
- 8.02.
- $8?
- 6.31.
Thank you.
- Hey, I really like your pin.
- Thanks. I got it at
Pride back in June.
They have a whole bunch
of cute vendors and stuff.
- I've never been, so.
- What? Girl, you
are missing out.
It's so much fun.
Me and my friends, we go
every summer. (chuckles)
All right, so here is your...
- Egghead, we gotta
look back on the road.
- Just five more minutes
and I'll feed the dog.
(Egghead sniffing)
- My parents are gonna kill me.
I never should've stolen
my dad's car, but...
(somber music)
I was so pissed because he
never takes me seriously,
and my mom just goes along
with whatever he says,
even though it makes you mad.
And then BD said that I
barely even know who I am,
but that's not true.
I've known that I was gay
since the fifth grade.
And it's like everybody thinks
that they know me
better than I do.
(Egghead sniffing)
I know you still like me,
and it sucks because
it makes me feel like
you don't believe me either.
(Egghead snorts)
(Twinkie giggling)
Dork.
(Twinkie groans)
Ow.
What the hell?
- Rise and shine.
Today, we're gonna turn
that frown upside down.
(air horn honks)
- Can you not?
What are you...
Why're are you
dressed like that?
- What? You mean this old thing?
- This is about what
I said last night?
You were awake the whole time?
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
I'm just showing support
from my best friend
who is super cool
and gay and unique.
- And you could even say
that she is a fruit loop
in a world of Cheerios.
- A fruit loop.
- I dunno. I saw it
on a T-shirt once.
Listen up, Twinkie,
I am proud of you.
And you are a totally
cool, legit lesbian.
Not that I'm an
expert in that field.
(Twinkie laughing)
The point is, you don't have
to prove yourself to me.
You don't have to prove
yourself to your parents.
You don't have to prove
yourself to anyone.
And I will wear this
costume every day
if that is what makes
you feel better,
because seeing you upset is like
the worst thing in the world,
and honestly, you're very
scary when you're pissed off.
Whoa.
- So let's go get your girl.
- My girl. You mean BD?
- No, no, the other one.
Boba girl.
BG.
- Wait, Jess?
- Yes.
- She obviously likes
you for some reason,
and correct me if I'm wrong,
but you may be kind of
sorta of like her back.
- Listen, thanks for
whatever this is,
but I kind of really
messed things up with Jess
and she probably hates me.
- What?
- No, no, no.
She opposite of hates you.
- She loves me?
- Love is a little intense,
but maybe she does,
and at the very
least she likes you
and she's not a complete
jerkwad like Big Dick.
- Okay, but what
if you're wrong?
- Well, then you'll
just be friendzoned
and depressed like me.
(Mother Falcon's
"Marigold" playing)
So what do you say? Are you in?
(Twinkie chuckles)
That's what I thought.
(Mother Falcon's "Marigold"
continues playing)
Every day and all night
'Til the morning's
always bright
I don't want to see you go
Every day and all night
Even when you're alright
I don't want to let you go
Is this love? I don't know
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
Is this love? I don't know
But tonight I'm
gonna find out
- I can't do it.
- What do you mean?
No, no, no. What do you mean?
You've got it.
- I don't even have a plan.
- No, you don't need a plan.
That's what's so romantic.
No plan. No plan.
Just pure carnal instinct.
- Egghead, you've kissed
one girl and now she's gay.
- Oh. There she is.
She's alone behind the
restaurant. This is perfect.
- [Twinkie] For what? A mugging?
(both laughing)
(horn honking)
- Come on, stop.
- Get out.
She's staring, she's staring.
- I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.
- She's staring.
(car engine roaring)
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here?
Did you forget something?
- Kind of.
I'll just come over.
I'll come over to you.
We're on our way back, so I
wanted to stop and say hi.
And this is for you.
(hopeful music)
- Wait, you drew this?
Thanks.
- Stop.
- Ow. My sciatica.
- So I called her out on
it and she ghosted me.
Blocked me on text,
Instagram, everything.
- Man, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
She's kinda of an asshole.
- Sounds like it. Yeah.
And I work in food service,
so I've met some pretty
exceptional assholes.
- So are you listening
to more Sick Beatz?
- Yeah, the sickest.
(Twinkie laughing)
You wanna listen?
(distant music playing)
- Hey Jess, listen.
I'm really sorry for
freaking out last time
when we said goodbye.
I did...
- It's okay. I get it.
- Really?
- Yeah. I mean it
was kind of my fault.
You had a thing for BD and
it was probably stupid,
obviously that I liked you.
- Liked as in past tense?
- Past, present.
Future?
Oh wow. Your friend
is stretching.
- Yeah, his hips
started bothering him
like 50 miles back.
Just pretend he's...
- Oh, it's kind of hard.
He's really getting into it.
Is he wearing a tutu?
- Oh my god.
Holy shit.
- Holy shit.
Walls down
Make it count
'Cause love is all
we need right now
Love is all we
need right now
- Are you on lunch?
- No, I'm not. I
have to go back.
I have to go back to it.
- How did it go?
- It was perfect.
Got her number and everything.
- Wow. Look at you.
Well, I hate to
burst your bubble,
but we have a hellish
drive ahead of us.
So I mapped out the
route and it says
it should only take 10
hours if we don't stop.
But obviously, we have to stop.
So factoring a three hour nap
and approximately four pit
stops for food and gas,
that puts us there
at around 8:00 AM.
- You're a really good friend.
- Thanks.
All right.
- Oh my god, this is
gonna take forever.
(car engine roaring)
(horn honking)
- Watch you piece of-
(static hissing)
(car engine roaring)
Twinkie.
Twinkie, wake up.
We're here.
- Oh my God.
- Your parents left
me another voicemail.
- Sorry about that.
- No, it's okay.
They text me all the time
and they call me too.
Your mom made a group
chat and everything.
- What?
- Your dad sent me a little GIF
of a piggy wearing rain boots.
- Why didn't you tell me
you were texting my parents?
Dude, they're obviously
using you to get to me.
- I know.
What do you think that I
think that they're doing?
Try to be my new
middle-aged best friends?
Twinkie, we stole your dad's
car and just disappeared.
I don't want them to like
call the cops or something.
We should at least hear
what they have to say.
- [Lisa] Hi, Matthew.
It's me again.
I was hoping you could pass
on a message to Vivian.
It's just her dad and
I love her very much.
Whatever's going on, we
wanna help her figure it out.
Okay. Mr. Harris is
gonna say something now.
- [Scott] Hi, Matthew.
Some good news for you.
The guy at the
restaurant, Bob Hudson,
he said he doesn't
wanna press charges.
- Wait, stop.
- [Scott] Can you please tell-
- You told my dad about Bob?
- What? No, no, no, no.
He just must have
found out somehow.
Well, at least she's
not pressing charges.
It's good old Bob.
- [Scott] Please tell Vivian
to be an adult and call me back
because we love her very much.
We do, it's just, you know,
we don't really talk
about this stuff,
but we're willing to try
if that's what she wants.
Okay. That's it.
Drive safe.
- [Lisa] Thanks, Matthew. Bye.
- Wow.
They completely avoided
the whole gay thing.
(Egghead sighs)
- I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I think they'll come around.
You ready to go in?
- (sighs) Yeah.
I want you to have this.
- The whole thing?
(Egghead laughing)
Oh wow.
This is so cool.
Us said the diner.
(laughing) There's Bob.
Oh my god.
You really captured his essence.
- Really gonna miss you.
- What are you talking about?
I don't leave for
like three weeks.
- Two and a half, I checked.
- So what?
There are so many
things that we can do
in two and a half weeks.
I'm pretty sure that we're
fired for stealing Cuthbert.
So I don't have anything
to do except for packing
and hanging out with you.
- Yeah, I'm probably grounded,
but you can just
sneak it window.
- Yeah. I figured.
(soft music)
(keys jingling)
(Jukebox The Ghosts' "The
Great Unknown" playing)
Walking through
the heavy light
The streets are empty
And you don't feel right
You didn't want to
let yourself down
So don't be
scared to get out
There's 1,000 voices
saying the time is now
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
The great unknown
Keep your head up
Don't take your
eyes off the road
No you're never gonna change
by doin' what you're told
You don't wanna
let yourself down
So don't be scared
to stand out
There's 1,000 voices
saying the time is now
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
The great unknown
The great unknown
In the great unknown
The great unknown
The great unknown
The time is now
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
So let go
You're on your own
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
So let go
Of the ones you know
There's nothin'
waitin' for ya
In the great unknown
(upbeat electronic music)