Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) Movie Script
Elvira - Mistress of the Dark
Finally I see your face.
You're ugly! Horrible!
Come on. You can not touch me!
I'll send you to hell!
Later discovered that
the man has feelings
and therefore the greatest
child of the universe.
It is love and hope,
what makes us invincible.
Now I have to go eat.
Wait a minute.
THE END
Hello dears! It's me again.
Yours Cruelly, Elvira.
The girl with the enormous...
hearing. Well, that was the show.
I hope you enjoyed
seeing and not killed.
Amazing, saw that monster!
It seemed inflated with steroids.
In short,
the film has a moral.
Where are the shrimp?
Anyone know what it was
this film?
I'll tell you. It was
that he had plenty of hours.
Next week "The head with two
things. "I say" The thing with two heads. "
Until then, I am Elvira, the girl
having rear edge.
In-sweet dreams!
- They want to get off!
- How can I get it?
- There is something that will embarrass you?
- Yes of course, use this in public would.
Bravo girl!
Have the news?
- Elvira!
- Not now, Rudy.
Wait a second!
See that guy over there?
- Yes, the 10 gallon tank with a hat?
- The new owner of the channel.
From the sea,
the end of the valley ...
- The what?
- Shut up!
Calm down.
The guy is a millionaire.
Mr. Hooter, this is Elvira.
My name is Earl, but my
friends call me "the bull".
- You can imagine why.
- Maybe something to do with your breath?
I'll let you wear something.
The sooner you are ready,
have the best.
Sorry buddy, but I think
that will be you and your right hand.
- Careful, do not want to be fired, no lady?
- Go ahead, despdame!
I need this job as
a leper triple mirror.
- I just hope for my show in Las Vegas.
- Perfect! Test your act with me.
Time of milk.
I'm sick!
But this can not stand.
- As for you, calf shit ...
- It's Hooter! Someone take him out of the floor!
I never put my hands on,
I give thanks that the squirm!
- I said you were a nymphomaniac.
- What a disaster!
- You can not quit.
- Great stuff!
In Las Vegas, I will have
that continue to present these films cheaper.
-There will be no problems with the show, right?
- Problems?
- Complications perhaps, but no problems.
- All right go ahead, Manny!
Flamingo not continue with the show
if you put money to finance it.
- Of how much you talk?
- $ 50,000.
50,000? Are you crazy?
Where will I get that money?
- Perhaps not too late to return to work.
- Forget it, never go back to that degenerate!
I'll have to look for
another degenerate.
- A telegram to Elvira.
- I give it.
"Dear Elvira, as executor of the
property of his great aunt, Morgan Talbot, "
"I regret to inform
his death. "
I did not know he had an aunt,
least one aunt. Let me see.
He says I should go to Falwell, Mass.
the reading of the will
and collect my inheritance.
Not out of the blue?
Finally,
my lovely niece Elvira
who has supported with
unwavering moral
the vagaries of an imperfect world
with so much sacrifice and uncomplaining,
I leave ...
all my fortune.
Now let's show Elvira
what exactly has inherited!
Elvira, start with something
we all have dreamed of.
A wonderful boat!
You'll be able to navigate,
Sunchaser in a 2 model sport.
And that's not all!
And when you are tired of browsing,
coming home drive
this brand new Jeep Wrangler.
I must be dreaming!
You will sit to dine in this
American Heritage furniture.
And besides all that,
money! Lots of money!
- Elvira, you feel good?
- Call the Flamingo, Manny.
I'll tell them as soon as the 50,000
Massachusetts again.
Las Vegas, here I come!
On board, a sailor!
Hey, you forgot the ax!
ELVIRA,
LADY IN THE DARK
Know that I am 80 an hour
in an area limit of 40?
No, I go so slowly,
me dizzy.
I have to think of another joke.
This is ruining me.
I need gas.
"Self"
You know? it will kill you.
Have a nice day!
"Welcome to Falwell, Massachusetts
A decent community. "
The Reverend asked me to come to him.
I suspect what you want.
- I never ...
- And never will, with that in mind.
Listen, young man, I do not know who he is or
where, but in this town does not fit.
Not even fit
in that dress.
Listen, sister, beware your
opinion on your fat ass.
- Anita, Anita
- The Antichrist indeed!
- There is some service around here?
- If there is one, for this street.
It would be possible, big boys, which
give me a ... boost?
Slowly, not scratch the paint!
She is amazing.
Would not know what to touch those tits!
They are real!
Great! I'm stranded in
this hellhole.
I mean great hole.
Hey, is there a motel nearby?
Is the "Porcupine" next to the shop
Bishop's widow.
His son takes care of everything
pyorrhea after which it was.
He swelled his mouth, seemed to have
chewing a box of tacks.
It was said that both
besuquear his old dog.
Nice tits!
One room?
- Sorry, it's all busy.
- Why do you say out there instead?
We have a room. You remember the
truck driver who went this morning?
I hope you have changed
the sheets.
Hello!
You make what you have in
face, young lady?
No grandmother.
Well yes, grandmother, just a little.
How do I have to tell you that you
too young for makeup?
- Mama, I do not ...
- Shut up, Leslie!
Grandmother, all the girls at school
make-up.
And if all the girls
jump into a pit, and thou?
Jump into a pit?
You have no personality.
I hate to interrupt this episode of
"The Waltons". I need a room.
Ok, but prepayment.
I know well what you do, thrash
heavy metal, with hotel rooms.
I read this in "The Star".
- I will take the girl to his room.
- Oh no, you do not!
Do not get depressed.
I had the same problem
with the nuns at the orphanage.
Sure, I was only eight years.
- I'm Elvira.
- I'm Robin.
So ... Robin,
how to have fun around here?
Not much to do. There
a site, the bowling alley.
When there is competition,
stir well.
I think I can handle it.
If safe.
They think we're stupid.
They think they will kill Spiderman
with plutonium?
- He's got radioactive blood.
- Yes? Let me see that.
- Hey, why did you do that?
- Shut up!
Look what just came!
A "Bloody Mary".
We do not serve alcohol until eight o'clock.
Want a "Virgin"?
Maybe, but I would like
a couple of drinks first.
Hey babe, I have something to show.
Sorry
I left my magnifying glass at home.
Very good! Billy,
no way to talk to a lady.
So how about a blowjob?
I bet you thought it was funny, right?
- I enjoyed it.
- Yes? you will enjoy this even more.
I will cut off!
- I hurt!
- I cheated. Is false.
My name is Elvira.
But you can call me ... tonight.
I'm Bob, Bob Redding.
Nice to meet you.
- Look at this mess, who will pay for this?
- Okay, Patty, I will deal with the damage.
Seems to me its all this
cheap little tarts fault.
Cheap? Who would you say cheap?
What perfume do you use? "Raise the day"?
Look dear,
I do not know what hole you came out,
but you had better come back,
if you know what suits you.
Yes, better be careful of
not get someone's eye out with that.
We better go.
You seem to have something
competition, Patty.
Charlie, thrash does
not compete with class.
I'm down the street,
the "Porcupine."
- So, what brought you to Falwell?
- My self.
No, I came to the reading of the will
my aunt, Morgana.
- Morgana Talbot? It's your aunt?
- Yes, it was a surprise for me too.
Never met her, but
I admire your courage.
He never allowed himself master, as all
in this town.
But I will not bore you
with local politics.
Go ahead, abrreme.
The local council is horrified if someone
wherever or whatever, having a good time.
What conservatives are pigs.
- I drive the theater.
- Seriously?
I work with film as well.
You have shown "I married Satan"?
No.
- How about "I Married Satan II"?
- No.
I, I can only show films
general audience.
There is nothing wrong with films of GA
if they contain too much sex and violence.
Listen Bob, I'll be in town a couple
of days and ... I can make room in my ...
agenda.
I love it!
Mr. Talbot, his sister
was like a mother to me.
It was also a mother to me, dear.
Well, since we have met the
mandatory waiting, can begin.
It was the wish of Mrs. Talbot,
all heirs
be present to
reading of the will.
All heirs are present,
I, myself, and ... me.
Apparently Ms. Talbot had
a great-niece, Elvira,
which is also one of the
beneficiaries.
That is impossible.
Who is this great-niece?
Hey guys! Sorry I'm late!
Well, also the aunt.
Did he die?
Nothing serious, I hope.
Nice jacket!
Which museum drew it?
There is a bathroom around here? The motel
looks like a science project.
Who is this woman?
This must be the great-niece
Ms Talbot.
Elvira, this is the brother
his aunt, Vincent Talbot.
She was my aunt, you are his brother,
must be my ... Uncle Vinnie!
Get me out of this woman!
And you must be Aunt Em and Uncle Remus.
There is nothing like home!
Nothing like home
Go ahead, Bigelow,
once we finish!
Yeah, right, finish
before someone else dies.
"This is the only and last testament
Morgan Talbot of the deceased. "
"My housekeeper, Mrs. Morrissey,
for their loyalty and devotion, "
"I leave my silver service and
a sum of $ 5,000. "
Hey, what's wrong?
It has a big chunk!
"Mr. Morrisey, my driver, I leave my
car and a sum of $ 5,000. "
Wow, 10,000 for the service!
The old silver was rotten.
I meant that my sweet Aunt Morgana,
was very generous!
Does it say about me?
Which leaves me? Which leaves me?!
- "My great-niece, Elvira ..."
- Come on, Aunt Morgana, a lot of money!
Lots of money!
"I leave my house, my dog, Algonquin
and my precious cookbook. "
That's it?
A house, a dog and a book?
Please, if I may finish.
"Finally,
my dear brother, Vincent,
the rest of my goods and properties,
which means nothing "
Where's the money?
Where is the furniture?
Where is Bob Ubanks?
Do not mention it.
I do not understand. What is the importance
a silly recipe book?
This silly cookbook,
has much more power
than their poor minds
never could imagine.
and by right belongs to me.
I have that book.
Great! I need a house in Falwell,
well as a padded bra.
I can not live here.
I would go crazy! Understand?
- I take you somewhere?
- Long moron, not in the mood!
Are you, Uncle Vinnie!
Uncle Vinnie ...
I must apologize for my behavior
in the office, is that your appearance was ...
a bit shocking to me.
All right. When I appear,
all are impressed.
Yeah, well, as you can see,
My sister and I say ...
We had our differences.
I guess, the truth that
spent a bit.
Listen to Vinnie, I will share my
inheritance with you. I give the dog.
No Thanks! But I am interested in
cookbook.
You know, for the sentimental value.
- You will pay, I give you, say, $ 50.
- Yes of course, by 50 I will.
Vinnie, you have your cookbook.
The lawyer will take me home, so
You can go through it later.
- Well. See you there.
- Oh, and do not forget to bring money.
Drive!
It's here!
Not bad the house!
Could get a fortune for it.
If you could ...
but his house is one.
Mr. Talbot, I wanted to thank you for
your donation to the Club of Morality.
- With pleasure.
- As I always say, morality is cheap.
Speaking of cheap, a little bird told me
such that Elvira is a relative.
It's not my business, of course,
but I worry.
Believe me, I want to get off the
much as you.
Great!
When you see someone like that, you start
to teach sexuality in schools,
and to distribute condoms in pre-school.
He remembers those black ...
Will not stay here long.
Sure I are looking for.
Chastity Pariah is so busy. Goodbye!
With care, some tables
may be loose.
- What a dump!
- I would not say that, just needs something.
If a killer.
A Algonquin likes you.
Good dog, catch it!
I hate puppies. If my aunt
not dead, kill her.
Sorry, Aunt Morgana,
just kidding.
Here's the rest of his inheritance,
the book of recipes from her great aunt.
Yes, what a legacy. At least
I will draw $ 50 for it.
How think you might
ask for the house?
Despite having to repair it,
is in very good location.
I think I could ask for it
about 70,000.
- 70 large?
- Maybe more, if the fix.
She is interested in selling?
That if a chicken has crest?
Of course I'm interested!
Now, what I do with you?
There,
do you think, Algonquin?
Algonquin, whose name cheesy!
Now, how do you call?
I know, Gonk.
Like this?
Wait, I'm ready.
Hello Uncle Vinnie
come by the book, right? Spend!
- I can offer you some tea or something?
- Do not want to cause you discomfort.
Good point.
In any case,
I will not stay long.
- Not interested in buying a home, right?
- I'm afraid not.
- The sell really cheap.
- No thanks.
Vinnie, do not make homes like this.
Look at the details.
Look at the craftsmanship!
How much would you pay for a
house like this?
Do not answer, because not only
would have the house,
also you keep
These beautiful furniture.
Much would you pay? I tell you is
a bargain, a jewel, a love nest.
I'd give my right hand to accept,
or the left ... I would eat a cockroach!
No!
Only the book!
Ok.
No need to get well ...
- How strange. I could swear I was on the table.
- You promised me that book!
Do not worry, I do not think
escapes. I'll get it.
Yes! Sure you will.
Forgive me.
The creation of a pitbull.
Luckily I will not be
for long.
The neighbors never could sleep.
- About time. You bring the camera?
- I look like an idiot?
- Want me to answer that?
- Shut up! O hear us.
Mirror, mirror, who is the most
divine deadly of them all?
Oh, you're saying.
- Do you see? Do you see?
- Wait a minute.
- Let us see!
- Wait a minute!
Do not let it escape!
Guys, have nothing
how distracted?
We wanted to see the condition of the house
to help repair it.
What kind! But you better
with daylight. Good night!
- You blew.
- Dress up this pair of tits?
I have it!
Elvira!
Out, out!
- Hello, Elvira!
- Hey, they're here!
Richard works in a
hardware. We have enough paint.
I wish I worked in a bank.
I'll be right.
Begin!
- Elvira, a couple more volunteers.
- Well, make tools and to work!
- Hello, Elvira!
- Robin! Spend!
Randy, give me that cloth!
Yeah, sure.
Girl!
Robin Meeker,
do you think you here?
You'll see, young lady.
I fix and this young lady!
It is fabulous!
I tell them was to die.
There she was taking care
of all those clothes and
extravagant use.
I mean almost nothing.
I think not of this planet ...
and all the guys around her
hearing that wild music.
This morning in my round by the
boys bathroom, I seized ... this!
I will make the announcement this afternoon.
Thereafter, all students
will be subject to immediate exposure
if found in the company
that ... bitch!
Please do not think
we should use that appellation.
Calvin means that Elvira
is a woman of low morals
perverted customs,
as Sodom and Gomorrah
a filthy whore,
a succubus,
a concubine, a street,
a bitch!
a cheap whore!
Will be just a bad dream,
wants to sell the property and leave.
- In fact, goes on sale tomorrow.
- And what if she decides not to sell?
And what if she decides
settle here?
Well, if your moral does not fit here
we have the right to
everything we can to
her out of this town.
- We agree?
- Absolutely.
- Maybe we're not being objective here ...
- Shut up, Leslie!
Unanimous decision.
Harold Glotter,
Falwell realtor.
I hope it becomes a buyer.
So far only have been curious.
Do not worry,
investors know that
buy this house in a minute.
That if ...
play your cards right.
Would do anything to
out of this trap.
I like that
a motivated seller.
Then the technical.
First of all, how about ...
start with the right environment?
Good idea! The less
heard here, the better.
Is
catch the buyer.
Talk of the potential of the house,
teach to the last tile.
Slowly, revealing everything from the balcony
the basement, corner by corner.
Then, when no more stamina,
pulls out his pen and signed the deal!
Regret it!
Do not sell this house without me!
The house is for sale,
does not mean that I will be!
Get me this dog!
Out of here!
Calm down Manny says it ...
I have the Flamingo behind my
for money for the room,
and tell me to calm down?
I told you, I have the most money.
I was about to sell the house today.
Look girl, better have the money soon,
or forget. Hear me?
The only show you'll see in
Las Vegas, will be doing the cleaning!
From what I hear,
is out there looking for work.
No books above, but I have
their tights. Try one. Eaten.
Keep looking!
Excuses, excuses!
- We turned the whole house.
- Yes, and tell the dog.
- Must be the size of a buffalo.
- Enough!
Listen carefully!
I want to go to court,
take out all the records
local ordinances
and I bring them.
Understood?
Si.
Now get out of here!
Oh my God!
Elvira, I'm sorry, are you okay?
I think so.
- How's your head?
- So far, I had no complaints.
- Excuse me?
- Oh, I think I'll live.
Believe me, it's the worst that
me today.
I walked around the town
and no one employs.
It seems a conspiracy
or something.
You know what your problem?
Chastity Pariah.
That always hurts.
Chastity Pariah is a witch.
He put all the people against you.
Great! If no one hires me
I'm fucked up.
I mean broken.
I would give you work if I could,
but the business does not give as it is.
No wonder. Who would pay
to see that the ducks?
Also, sorry Bob, but
there is extra "e" in "matinee".
Of course not. So it is written.
Bob, I work in the show.
I know how to write "matinee".
"WILD ADVENTURE
HOW COG ... "
Bob, how can I pay you?
Let me try.
That bitch!
I return to work.
The matinee begins at a time.
Yes, I see people lining up.
I give this shit ruin.
Got a better idea?
It happens that I have some classics
in the trunk of my car.
In fact ...
One who holds the Book of the Vision,
when the moon lost its light,
will become lord of the Night,
Master of Darkness!
The lunar eclipse, Morgana!
Is less than one week.
When the Moon
loses its light ...
There is nothing you can do!
You're dead and I do not!
Here they are!
The've been looking everywhere.
You will not believe the good news.
This you see here, will present a
special evening in the living room of Bob.
With one of the worst movies
ever made.
Seriously, it's bad.
You know, bad as in:
"Bad, I'm bad, Jamal, you know it ..."
What is this,
"Invasion of the Zombies"?
Two days ago,
we were close friends.
Is the Director ...
What matters the Director, friends
we must be united.
I refer to the Director,
Mr. Cobb.
We kill, for that show.
Not to mention our parents.
- It will kill their fathers?
- No, they do not let us go out at night.
I see. Well no
to do this and get into trouble.
I mean, what else gives you lose the last
chance to make a living?
I know, not your problem.
And if ... I get depressed, why
I throw in the oven?
If you ask me,
tell them that I was something more
a great pair of breasts.
Also an incredible
pair of legs.
And tell them, tell them never
declined to a friend.
Well, I never refused a
strange, but no matter.
And tell them ...
tell them when the end came,
I asked to recall two
simple words.
Any two,
honest and simple.
If we all decided to help Elvira,
Cobb what you can do?
We can kick them all.
I do not know the rest of you ..
but I'll be there.
- I.
- Count on me.
Sorry, Elvira.
We all go to your show.
Great! At 12 o'clock.
Be there, I hope.
It was great!
- You really like?
- Yes.
- Elvira, where you want this?
- Right up there.
- Why is the bucket?
- I tell you. It's very cool.
This part of the copied ... say is
inspired by "Flashdance".
I raise my arm, pull the rope
and my whole body is covered
gold luster. It is not deadly?
- Good!
- Believe me, it will be a standing ovation.
Name?
Now is when pureed.
So boring, so Italian.
They will make a great marinara sauce.
Robin ... ?
are you?
Now the tomatoes chasing heroin.
I can not look.
This ending is so bad that the tomatoes
People should throw rotten to the screen.
Stop it! Nobody move
it's the best.
Ladies and dobermans,
grand finale time!
Patty!
Never been so humiliated
in my life!
Wait till I get my hands
up to that Patty.
I'll tear each one of those
hair bleached skull.
We bring out the eyes and head
I will use bowling ball!
I swear I will not get away
with it!
That bitch Chastity, not
let me get a job ...
the lecherous director wanted
getting kids against me ...
pork from real estate
who just wants to be your commission ...
I will take vengeance on all but
is the last thing to do!
- What is that perfume you wear?
- Nafta super. Do not smoke.
Well, my big debut!
I mean ... forget it.
- Guys, do not believe that it is time to sleep?
- We have no dream.
Yes, it was too late ...
- Yes. We better go.
- See you tomorrow.
This is the recipe book!
How you got here?
- By the way, I'm starving.
- Me too.
Let's go eat something.
There's a place open all night.
No, Bob.
I have a better idea.
You set the table, while I see
what to prepare in the kitchen.
What a strange way to write.
I do not understand a word of this.
It seems written in a language
foreign or something.
Wait, check this out!
"Adraka Kazorol".
Kazorol ... pan! Sounds good.
Let's look at the ingredients.
A "edrazeba".
I wonder where
a edrazeba here.
This is a spice cabinet.
Here it is! Edrazeba.
A edrazeba.
One half of "folemgra".
The folemgra is bad.
However, says it serves
until next year.
What the hell!
My stomach is iron.
Okay let's see.
Two dashes "guletra".
A "kuderam".
It does not smell so bad,
but it looks like baby poop.
This is much better.
The soup!
- It smells great. What is it?
- A little thing I ... invented.
Allow me.
Thank you very much.
I hope you're hungry.
Because here's the dinner.
Turn it on, Bob!
Is the first time that almost
I devour the main course.
Where did you learn to cook well?
I did not,
just followed the recipe from my aunt ...
Gonk, what you do? Give me that book.
Gonk, come back here right now or
I will shut for a week.
Deja vu.
Gonk, you're here?
Gonk, what you mean dog.
We were filled with slime.
Now do you want?
- I think he wants to open the trunk.
- Why do not you say so?
Look at all these amazing things!
This could be you, Gonk.
I think I came out with this guy.
Look at this!
- Think it will be for me?
- Better run it.
You open it.
"Dear Elvira, for all these years,
I have protected the truth, "
"But now is the time that
the only protection is the truth. "
The what? Let me see that.
"Your mother, Devana,
was an extraordinary woman. "
"It was a real lady of Darkness.
But his power was not complete. "
"For 300 years, your great uncle
Vincent has tried to master it. "
300 years?! God, I hope to look like that
when you are that age.
"We have destroyed as your mother,
if I had not sent her away. "
"I've left all the power
need to protect you. "
"And I have entrusted to my faithful family."
What is that familiar?
Bob, you've never seen the old
Roger Corman films?
All witches have a pet,
you can change almost anything.
Where was I? Ah yes.
"Not only do you want to protect,
also the book
containing the magic of your mother. "
"Our enemy is dangerous.
Protects the book, Elvira! "
"First, when Vincent aprtalo
the moon is under the shadow of the Earth. "
"Remember, you carry the power to you.
Your aunt, who loves you, Morgana. "
What macabre! I knew it was
different but not much.
No wonder you put so Vinnie
when not finding the book.
Yes, you heard what your aunt said.
Not have to fall into their hands.
There is no way you have it now.
I killing myself for a living
as host of horror
when, in fact, descend
a celebrity metaphysics.
If I find the right spell,
I can make money to go to Vegas.
I mean, really make money.
I think you should not play
again with that book.
Here, Bob! "Riki Selzba Moula" ...
Just what I need, much moula.
- "Riki Selzba Moula" ...
- Elvira, I do not ...
... "Pasera Floctum
Kezrah Flome ".
It's working, Bob!
It's working!
- Bob, are you still there?
- Yes, here!
What is this?
You know Bob, I can be wrong but
I think I found a love spell.
- Seriously?
- Bob!
Hold me, Bob!
Hug me!
"Annual Picnic Club
Falwell morality "
Chastity, the picnic is
a great success!
Yes, I think that is something that
we could not have before.
Come to the table!
Guys act like wild animals.
At the end of the line!
What good is it!
I have not felt so hungry.
Melody, I see you've done
Tic Tac your famous pie.
Bob, what do you do?
You scared me to hell!
- What is happening?
- Say settling scores.
See if they like. I assure you
when you open the pot will repent.
I have not tried this.
Revenge is best
that Christmas.
I do not understand.
What happened?
It seems a kind of stew.
This is wonderful!
I have to get the recipe.
Damn it! What ruined when
supplanted the "folemgra" with red chili.
Thanks for the drink.
I feel a little dizzy.
Suddenly it's hot.
This reminds you of something?
And this reminds you of something?
Give me that!
It's mine!
Wow, what a bitch I am!
Excuse me,
is this seat free?
Let macho, dance!
Moving!
That's an interesting dish.
Where did you learn how to do?
It's just a family recipe.
Okay, I give you $ 500
for the book.
I look like a calibrated?
No deal, man.
You think you're very clever, no? As you
I will kill you and your little dog too!
Help me!
No! You again?
Always wear the same dress?
No. Sometimes I prefer to take
something low cut and sexy.
I guess your profession,
better attention.
Come here, Bob, let me show
how does a real woman!
Sorry!
Everyone saw it! I attacked in broad daylight
abusing me!
I?! Barely escaped alive.
You'd end up with a mechanical bull.
Do not get away with it, you
sex maniac!
I demand that the council
dismiss this pervert.
I did not even touch these
sheep, so help me!
Calvin smeared with jam all.
I am innocent, I licked just a little.
Silence!
Do not you see?
Have them in your hands.
Is Elvira who is responsible
of this.
Sure, I should have known that was the bitch.
We should throw the people
mounted on a huge trunk!
She might enjoy it a lot.
There is a solution much
more satisfying.
We can make
the arrest.
Arrest, under what charges?
It happens that there is a law
going back to the Salem witch trials,
specifically prohibiting and I quote:
"Any citizen to practice
the ancient arts of,
witchcraft, demonology,
alchemy or conjuration. "
The charge, my fellow members
council, is ...
Witchcraft!
- Let me out of here!
- Stop screaming!
I've seen "popular court". I have the right
a call and an investigation.
There are public phone in front. What is it?
Not sure where you left the broom?
Listen, paunchy, if I had a broom,
would know exactly where I put it.
This is great!
I can hear Manny.
"Hello, Vegas! There is a change of plans.
The star was burnt at the stake. "
Elvira, good news. Get
the best lawyer in the county.
It will come in tomorrow morning.
Bob, in the morning? At that time
only be my ashes.
- You get me out of here!
- But how?
The book! It is my only chance.
Quick, go home and bring it!
- Bob, wait!
- What?
I hid under the floor,
in the living room.
Bob!
- What?
- Hurry!
Move!
Now!
Whine why?
It's me they will do barbecue.
Sorry.
It's mine!
The power is mine!
Gonk, which does not give you a panic attack!
I think I took
too much acid in the '60s.
Who is the stake?
For Elvira!
- Thank the Lord, Father!
- I come to save you, my child.
At last, someone to do
to reason with these people.
Lord, save the soul
of this poor creature,
although its creamy white flesh
burn and scorch ...
Well, how convenient!
Thanks for trying,
guys!
Gonk, are you boy?
Good job, Gonk!
Burn the witch!
- Smoke?
- Yes, but I'll leave.
I will believe! I left the oven
on! Be right back.
- Last words?
- Only one: Help!
To burn the witch!
Everyone shut up!
Now, by the power vested in me
by the state of Massachusetts,
will pronounce judgment on
Elvira, the prisoner.
Death at the stake!
Wait, sheriff!
What you are doing is wrong.
Burn faster,
if you turn it on in several places.
Patty, no!
We should do this
every year.
Qumate in hell
witch!
Bye, guys! It was a pleasure!
Please send my ashes to Las Vegas!
Let me go!
- Hello Bob.
- Patty, you're a good person.
Gonk?
Remember,
you carry the power in you.
The ring!
Are you okay?
Look, the eclipse of the moon!
Remember
the card from your aunt?
When the moon falls under
the shadow of the Earth ...
- If so what?
- Vincent has the book.
Elvira!
Little devil!
Vincent, we do not recognize?
We are on your side.
Pigs!
Stay back!
Attacks Gonk!
Do not make me use this!
The amulet was unable to protect your mother
and neither will save you!
Want to play hard?
Take this!
You can not escape me, daughter of Devana!
I will destroy you as I did with it!
I looking for me?
Think you can stop
with your toys?
No, but it was worth shooting.
Look!
Sure,
easy for you to say.
That hurts!
You and I have
an outstanding bill.
Yes, we can negotiate.
Surely we can understand.
- Sure, you know, I want this, that ...
- I'll show you what I want!
- I am the master of darkness!
- Before I see you in hell!
Elvira now, you will die!
Remember, you take the power in you!
What did the insurance agent?
The policy does not cover unforeseen demons.
Well at least you still have the ring.
If the only thing I have left
and it looks cheap.
Sorry, Elvira. I know you wanted
act more than anything in Las Vegas.
I'm not the kind of girl
that he fulfilled the dreams.
I do better nightmares.
I wish I could do something.
Do not worry about me, Bob, I'm like a
plastic fruit, I do not rot so easy.
Here comes the crowd
to lynch me.
- Calm down, calm down, I went.
- We do not want you to go.
- We wanted to tell you that we were
wrong with you and sorry.
Elvira, you're the best
happened to our people.
You touched a part of my son
no one had touched before.
How I wish ...
Whenever you come to Falwell, have
free room in the "Porcupine."
- Wait a minute, Leslie!
- Shut up, you old witch!
- Finally, it was repaired.
- Great!
At least I'll have a place
to live.
- But still I have no way to pay.
- Do not worry, I'll think of something.
I'm sorry dear
burn and everything else and ...
I hope I do not hold grudges.
Do not worry,
it is above that.
If, well above.
Elvira, I have important roles
you have to sign.
As his uncle has died, you are the
sole heir of his property.
- I?
- To my knowledge no other.
- Las Vegas!
- Elvira, that's great!
Las Vegas!
Ladies and gentlemen, Hotel Flamingo
is proud to present
The Lady of Darkness, Elvira!
I've always dreamed of doing this.
And now I have my chance ...
So sorry if I delight ...
in a little song and dance!
For me?
In-sweet dreams!
Best Watched using VLC, MKV, BSPlayer
Finally I see your face.
You're ugly! Horrible!
Come on. You can not touch me!
I'll send you to hell!
Later discovered that
the man has feelings
and therefore the greatest
child of the universe.
It is love and hope,
what makes us invincible.
Now I have to go eat.
Wait a minute.
THE END
Hello dears! It's me again.
Yours Cruelly, Elvira.
The girl with the enormous...
hearing. Well, that was the show.
I hope you enjoyed
seeing and not killed.
Amazing, saw that monster!
It seemed inflated with steroids.
In short,
the film has a moral.
Where are the shrimp?
Anyone know what it was
this film?
I'll tell you. It was
that he had plenty of hours.
Next week "The head with two
things. "I say" The thing with two heads. "
Until then, I am Elvira, the girl
having rear edge.
In-sweet dreams!
- They want to get off!
- How can I get it?
- There is something that will embarrass you?
- Yes of course, use this in public would.
Bravo girl!
Have the news?
- Elvira!
- Not now, Rudy.
Wait a second!
See that guy over there?
- Yes, the 10 gallon tank with a hat?
- The new owner of the channel.
From the sea,
the end of the valley ...
- The what?
- Shut up!
Calm down.
The guy is a millionaire.
Mr. Hooter, this is Elvira.
My name is Earl, but my
friends call me "the bull".
- You can imagine why.
- Maybe something to do with your breath?
I'll let you wear something.
The sooner you are ready,
have the best.
Sorry buddy, but I think
that will be you and your right hand.
- Careful, do not want to be fired, no lady?
- Go ahead, despdame!
I need this job as
a leper triple mirror.
- I just hope for my show in Las Vegas.
- Perfect! Test your act with me.
Time of milk.
I'm sick!
But this can not stand.
- As for you, calf shit ...
- It's Hooter! Someone take him out of the floor!
I never put my hands on,
I give thanks that the squirm!
- I said you were a nymphomaniac.
- What a disaster!
- You can not quit.
- Great stuff!
In Las Vegas, I will have
that continue to present these films cheaper.
-There will be no problems with the show, right?
- Problems?
- Complications perhaps, but no problems.
- All right go ahead, Manny!
Flamingo not continue with the show
if you put money to finance it.
- Of how much you talk?
- $ 50,000.
50,000? Are you crazy?
Where will I get that money?
- Perhaps not too late to return to work.
- Forget it, never go back to that degenerate!
I'll have to look for
another degenerate.
- A telegram to Elvira.
- I give it.
"Dear Elvira, as executor of the
property of his great aunt, Morgan Talbot, "
"I regret to inform
his death. "
I did not know he had an aunt,
least one aunt. Let me see.
He says I should go to Falwell, Mass.
the reading of the will
and collect my inheritance.
Not out of the blue?
Finally,
my lovely niece Elvira
who has supported with
unwavering moral
the vagaries of an imperfect world
with so much sacrifice and uncomplaining,
I leave ...
all my fortune.
Now let's show Elvira
what exactly has inherited!
Elvira, start with something
we all have dreamed of.
A wonderful boat!
You'll be able to navigate,
Sunchaser in a 2 model sport.
And that's not all!
And when you are tired of browsing,
coming home drive
this brand new Jeep Wrangler.
I must be dreaming!
You will sit to dine in this
American Heritage furniture.
And besides all that,
money! Lots of money!
- Elvira, you feel good?
- Call the Flamingo, Manny.
I'll tell them as soon as the 50,000
Massachusetts again.
Las Vegas, here I come!
On board, a sailor!
Hey, you forgot the ax!
ELVIRA,
LADY IN THE DARK
Know that I am 80 an hour
in an area limit of 40?
No, I go so slowly,
me dizzy.
I have to think of another joke.
This is ruining me.
I need gas.
"Self"
You know? it will kill you.
Have a nice day!
"Welcome to Falwell, Massachusetts
A decent community. "
The Reverend asked me to come to him.
I suspect what you want.
- I never ...
- And never will, with that in mind.
Listen, young man, I do not know who he is or
where, but in this town does not fit.
Not even fit
in that dress.
Listen, sister, beware your
opinion on your fat ass.
- Anita, Anita
- The Antichrist indeed!
- There is some service around here?
- If there is one, for this street.
It would be possible, big boys, which
give me a ... boost?
Slowly, not scratch the paint!
She is amazing.
Would not know what to touch those tits!
They are real!
Great! I'm stranded in
this hellhole.
I mean great hole.
Hey, is there a motel nearby?
Is the "Porcupine" next to the shop
Bishop's widow.
His son takes care of everything
pyorrhea after which it was.
He swelled his mouth, seemed to have
chewing a box of tacks.
It was said that both
besuquear his old dog.
Nice tits!
One room?
- Sorry, it's all busy.
- Why do you say out there instead?
We have a room. You remember the
truck driver who went this morning?
I hope you have changed
the sheets.
Hello!
You make what you have in
face, young lady?
No grandmother.
Well yes, grandmother, just a little.
How do I have to tell you that you
too young for makeup?
- Mama, I do not ...
- Shut up, Leslie!
Grandmother, all the girls at school
make-up.
And if all the girls
jump into a pit, and thou?
Jump into a pit?
You have no personality.
I hate to interrupt this episode of
"The Waltons". I need a room.
Ok, but prepayment.
I know well what you do, thrash
heavy metal, with hotel rooms.
I read this in "The Star".
- I will take the girl to his room.
- Oh no, you do not!
Do not get depressed.
I had the same problem
with the nuns at the orphanage.
Sure, I was only eight years.
- I'm Elvira.
- I'm Robin.
So ... Robin,
how to have fun around here?
Not much to do. There
a site, the bowling alley.
When there is competition,
stir well.
I think I can handle it.
If safe.
They think we're stupid.
They think they will kill Spiderman
with plutonium?
- He's got radioactive blood.
- Yes? Let me see that.
- Hey, why did you do that?
- Shut up!
Look what just came!
A "Bloody Mary".
We do not serve alcohol until eight o'clock.
Want a "Virgin"?
Maybe, but I would like
a couple of drinks first.
Hey babe, I have something to show.
Sorry
I left my magnifying glass at home.
Very good! Billy,
no way to talk to a lady.
So how about a blowjob?
I bet you thought it was funny, right?
- I enjoyed it.
- Yes? you will enjoy this even more.
I will cut off!
- I hurt!
- I cheated. Is false.
My name is Elvira.
But you can call me ... tonight.
I'm Bob, Bob Redding.
Nice to meet you.
- Look at this mess, who will pay for this?
- Okay, Patty, I will deal with the damage.
Seems to me its all this
cheap little tarts fault.
Cheap? Who would you say cheap?
What perfume do you use? "Raise the day"?
Look dear,
I do not know what hole you came out,
but you had better come back,
if you know what suits you.
Yes, better be careful of
not get someone's eye out with that.
We better go.
You seem to have something
competition, Patty.
Charlie, thrash does
not compete with class.
I'm down the street,
the "Porcupine."
- So, what brought you to Falwell?
- My self.
No, I came to the reading of the will
my aunt, Morgana.
- Morgana Talbot? It's your aunt?
- Yes, it was a surprise for me too.
Never met her, but
I admire your courage.
He never allowed himself master, as all
in this town.
But I will not bore you
with local politics.
Go ahead, abrreme.
The local council is horrified if someone
wherever or whatever, having a good time.
What conservatives are pigs.
- I drive the theater.
- Seriously?
I work with film as well.
You have shown "I married Satan"?
No.
- How about "I Married Satan II"?
- No.
I, I can only show films
general audience.
There is nothing wrong with films of GA
if they contain too much sex and violence.
Listen Bob, I'll be in town a couple
of days and ... I can make room in my ...
agenda.
I love it!
Mr. Talbot, his sister
was like a mother to me.
It was also a mother to me, dear.
Well, since we have met the
mandatory waiting, can begin.
It was the wish of Mrs. Talbot,
all heirs
be present to
reading of the will.
All heirs are present,
I, myself, and ... me.
Apparently Ms. Talbot had
a great-niece, Elvira,
which is also one of the
beneficiaries.
That is impossible.
Who is this great-niece?
Hey guys! Sorry I'm late!
Well, also the aunt.
Did he die?
Nothing serious, I hope.
Nice jacket!
Which museum drew it?
There is a bathroom around here? The motel
looks like a science project.
Who is this woman?
This must be the great-niece
Ms Talbot.
Elvira, this is the brother
his aunt, Vincent Talbot.
She was my aunt, you are his brother,
must be my ... Uncle Vinnie!
Get me out of this woman!
And you must be Aunt Em and Uncle Remus.
There is nothing like home!
Nothing like home
Go ahead, Bigelow,
once we finish!
Yeah, right, finish
before someone else dies.
"This is the only and last testament
Morgan Talbot of the deceased. "
"My housekeeper, Mrs. Morrissey,
for their loyalty and devotion, "
"I leave my silver service and
a sum of $ 5,000. "
Hey, what's wrong?
It has a big chunk!
"Mr. Morrisey, my driver, I leave my
car and a sum of $ 5,000. "
Wow, 10,000 for the service!
The old silver was rotten.
I meant that my sweet Aunt Morgana,
was very generous!
Does it say about me?
Which leaves me? Which leaves me?!
- "My great-niece, Elvira ..."
- Come on, Aunt Morgana, a lot of money!
Lots of money!
"I leave my house, my dog, Algonquin
and my precious cookbook. "
That's it?
A house, a dog and a book?
Please, if I may finish.
"Finally,
my dear brother, Vincent,
the rest of my goods and properties,
which means nothing "
Where's the money?
Where is the furniture?
Where is Bob Ubanks?
Do not mention it.
I do not understand. What is the importance
a silly recipe book?
This silly cookbook,
has much more power
than their poor minds
never could imagine.
and by right belongs to me.
I have that book.
Great! I need a house in Falwell,
well as a padded bra.
I can not live here.
I would go crazy! Understand?
- I take you somewhere?
- Long moron, not in the mood!
Are you, Uncle Vinnie!
Uncle Vinnie ...
I must apologize for my behavior
in the office, is that your appearance was ...
a bit shocking to me.
All right. When I appear,
all are impressed.
Yeah, well, as you can see,
My sister and I say ...
We had our differences.
I guess, the truth that
spent a bit.
Listen to Vinnie, I will share my
inheritance with you. I give the dog.
No Thanks! But I am interested in
cookbook.
You know, for the sentimental value.
- You will pay, I give you, say, $ 50.
- Yes of course, by 50 I will.
Vinnie, you have your cookbook.
The lawyer will take me home, so
You can go through it later.
- Well. See you there.
- Oh, and do not forget to bring money.
Drive!
It's here!
Not bad the house!
Could get a fortune for it.
If you could ...
but his house is one.
Mr. Talbot, I wanted to thank you for
your donation to the Club of Morality.
- With pleasure.
- As I always say, morality is cheap.
Speaking of cheap, a little bird told me
such that Elvira is a relative.
It's not my business, of course,
but I worry.
Believe me, I want to get off the
much as you.
Great!
When you see someone like that, you start
to teach sexuality in schools,
and to distribute condoms in pre-school.
He remembers those black ...
Will not stay here long.
Sure I are looking for.
Chastity Pariah is so busy. Goodbye!
With care, some tables
may be loose.
- What a dump!
- I would not say that, just needs something.
If a killer.
A Algonquin likes you.
Good dog, catch it!
I hate puppies. If my aunt
not dead, kill her.
Sorry, Aunt Morgana,
just kidding.
Here's the rest of his inheritance,
the book of recipes from her great aunt.
Yes, what a legacy. At least
I will draw $ 50 for it.
How think you might
ask for the house?
Despite having to repair it,
is in very good location.
I think I could ask for it
about 70,000.
- 70 large?
- Maybe more, if the fix.
She is interested in selling?
That if a chicken has crest?
Of course I'm interested!
Now, what I do with you?
There,
do you think, Algonquin?
Algonquin, whose name cheesy!
Now, how do you call?
I know, Gonk.
Like this?
Wait, I'm ready.
Hello Uncle Vinnie
come by the book, right? Spend!
- I can offer you some tea or something?
- Do not want to cause you discomfort.
Good point.
In any case,
I will not stay long.
- Not interested in buying a home, right?
- I'm afraid not.
- The sell really cheap.
- No thanks.
Vinnie, do not make homes like this.
Look at the details.
Look at the craftsmanship!
How much would you pay for a
house like this?
Do not answer, because not only
would have the house,
also you keep
These beautiful furniture.
Much would you pay? I tell you is
a bargain, a jewel, a love nest.
I'd give my right hand to accept,
or the left ... I would eat a cockroach!
No!
Only the book!
Ok.
No need to get well ...
- How strange. I could swear I was on the table.
- You promised me that book!
Do not worry, I do not think
escapes. I'll get it.
Yes! Sure you will.
Forgive me.
The creation of a pitbull.
Luckily I will not be
for long.
The neighbors never could sleep.
- About time. You bring the camera?
- I look like an idiot?
- Want me to answer that?
- Shut up! O hear us.
Mirror, mirror, who is the most
divine deadly of them all?
Oh, you're saying.
- Do you see? Do you see?
- Wait a minute.
- Let us see!
- Wait a minute!
Do not let it escape!
Guys, have nothing
how distracted?
We wanted to see the condition of the house
to help repair it.
What kind! But you better
with daylight. Good night!
- You blew.
- Dress up this pair of tits?
I have it!
Elvira!
Out, out!
- Hello, Elvira!
- Hey, they're here!
Richard works in a
hardware. We have enough paint.
I wish I worked in a bank.
I'll be right.
Begin!
- Elvira, a couple more volunteers.
- Well, make tools and to work!
- Hello, Elvira!
- Robin! Spend!
Randy, give me that cloth!
Yeah, sure.
Girl!
Robin Meeker,
do you think you here?
You'll see, young lady.
I fix and this young lady!
It is fabulous!
I tell them was to die.
There she was taking care
of all those clothes and
extravagant use.
I mean almost nothing.
I think not of this planet ...
and all the guys around her
hearing that wild music.
This morning in my round by the
boys bathroom, I seized ... this!
I will make the announcement this afternoon.
Thereafter, all students
will be subject to immediate exposure
if found in the company
that ... bitch!
Please do not think
we should use that appellation.
Calvin means that Elvira
is a woman of low morals
perverted customs,
as Sodom and Gomorrah
a filthy whore,
a succubus,
a concubine, a street,
a bitch!
a cheap whore!
Will be just a bad dream,
wants to sell the property and leave.
- In fact, goes on sale tomorrow.
- And what if she decides not to sell?
And what if she decides
settle here?
Well, if your moral does not fit here
we have the right to
everything we can to
her out of this town.
- We agree?
- Absolutely.
- Maybe we're not being objective here ...
- Shut up, Leslie!
Unanimous decision.
Harold Glotter,
Falwell realtor.
I hope it becomes a buyer.
So far only have been curious.
Do not worry,
investors know that
buy this house in a minute.
That if ...
play your cards right.
Would do anything to
out of this trap.
I like that
a motivated seller.
Then the technical.
First of all, how about ...
start with the right environment?
Good idea! The less
heard here, the better.
Is
catch the buyer.
Talk of the potential of the house,
teach to the last tile.
Slowly, revealing everything from the balcony
the basement, corner by corner.
Then, when no more stamina,
pulls out his pen and signed the deal!
Regret it!
Do not sell this house without me!
The house is for sale,
does not mean that I will be!
Get me this dog!
Out of here!
Calm down Manny says it ...
I have the Flamingo behind my
for money for the room,
and tell me to calm down?
I told you, I have the most money.
I was about to sell the house today.
Look girl, better have the money soon,
or forget. Hear me?
The only show you'll see in
Las Vegas, will be doing the cleaning!
From what I hear,
is out there looking for work.
No books above, but I have
their tights. Try one. Eaten.
Keep looking!
Excuses, excuses!
- We turned the whole house.
- Yes, and tell the dog.
- Must be the size of a buffalo.
- Enough!
Listen carefully!
I want to go to court,
take out all the records
local ordinances
and I bring them.
Understood?
Si.
Now get out of here!
Oh my God!
Elvira, I'm sorry, are you okay?
I think so.
- How's your head?
- So far, I had no complaints.
- Excuse me?
- Oh, I think I'll live.
Believe me, it's the worst that
me today.
I walked around the town
and no one employs.
It seems a conspiracy
or something.
You know what your problem?
Chastity Pariah.
That always hurts.
Chastity Pariah is a witch.
He put all the people against you.
Great! If no one hires me
I'm fucked up.
I mean broken.
I would give you work if I could,
but the business does not give as it is.
No wonder. Who would pay
to see that the ducks?
Also, sorry Bob, but
there is extra "e" in "matinee".
Of course not. So it is written.
Bob, I work in the show.
I know how to write "matinee".
"WILD ADVENTURE
HOW COG ... "
Bob, how can I pay you?
Let me try.
That bitch!
I return to work.
The matinee begins at a time.
Yes, I see people lining up.
I give this shit ruin.
Got a better idea?
It happens that I have some classics
in the trunk of my car.
In fact ...
One who holds the Book of the Vision,
when the moon lost its light,
will become lord of the Night,
Master of Darkness!
The lunar eclipse, Morgana!
Is less than one week.
When the Moon
loses its light ...
There is nothing you can do!
You're dead and I do not!
Here they are!
The've been looking everywhere.
You will not believe the good news.
This you see here, will present a
special evening in the living room of Bob.
With one of the worst movies
ever made.
Seriously, it's bad.
You know, bad as in:
"Bad, I'm bad, Jamal, you know it ..."
What is this,
"Invasion of the Zombies"?
Two days ago,
we were close friends.
Is the Director ...
What matters the Director, friends
we must be united.
I refer to the Director,
Mr. Cobb.
We kill, for that show.
Not to mention our parents.
- It will kill their fathers?
- No, they do not let us go out at night.
I see. Well no
to do this and get into trouble.
I mean, what else gives you lose the last
chance to make a living?
I know, not your problem.
And if ... I get depressed, why
I throw in the oven?
If you ask me,
tell them that I was something more
a great pair of breasts.
Also an incredible
pair of legs.
And tell them, tell them never
declined to a friend.
Well, I never refused a
strange, but no matter.
And tell them ...
tell them when the end came,
I asked to recall two
simple words.
Any two,
honest and simple.
If we all decided to help Elvira,
Cobb what you can do?
We can kick them all.
I do not know the rest of you ..
but I'll be there.
- I.
- Count on me.
Sorry, Elvira.
We all go to your show.
Great! At 12 o'clock.
Be there, I hope.
It was great!
- You really like?
- Yes.
- Elvira, where you want this?
- Right up there.
- Why is the bucket?
- I tell you. It's very cool.
This part of the copied ... say is
inspired by "Flashdance".
I raise my arm, pull the rope
and my whole body is covered
gold luster. It is not deadly?
- Good!
- Believe me, it will be a standing ovation.
Name?
Now is when pureed.
So boring, so Italian.
They will make a great marinara sauce.
Robin ... ?
are you?
Now the tomatoes chasing heroin.
I can not look.
This ending is so bad that the tomatoes
People should throw rotten to the screen.
Stop it! Nobody move
it's the best.
Ladies and dobermans,
grand finale time!
Patty!
Never been so humiliated
in my life!
Wait till I get my hands
up to that Patty.
I'll tear each one of those
hair bleached skull.
We bring out the eyes and head
I will use bowling ball!
I swear I will not get away
with it!
That bitch Chastity, not
let me get a job ...
the lecherous director wanted
getting kids against me ...
pork from real estate
who just wants to be your commission ...
I will take vengeance on all but
is the last thing to do!
- What is that perfume you wear?
- Nafta super. Do not smoke.
Well, my big debut!
I mean ... forget it.
- Guys, do not believe that it is time to sleep?
- We have no dream.
Yes, it was too late ...
- Yes. We better go.
- See you tomorrow.
This is the recipe book!
How you got here?
- By the way, I'm starving.
- Me too.
Let's go eat something.
There's a place open all night.
No, Bob.
I have a better idea.
You set the table, while I see
what to prepare in the kitchen.
What a strange way to write.
I do not understand a word of this.
It seems written in a language
foreign or something.
Wait, check this out!
"Adraka Kazorol".
Kazorol ... pan! Sounds good.
Let's look at the ingredients.
A "edrazeba".
I wonder where
a edrazeba here.
This is a spice cabinet.
Here it is! Edrazeba.
A edrazeba.
One half of "folemgra".
The folemgra is bad.
However, says it serves
until next year.
What the hell!
My stomach is iron.
Okay let's see.
Two dashes "guletra".
A "kuderam".
It does not smell so bad,
but it looks like baby poop.
This is much better.
The soup!
- It smells great. What is it?
- A little thing I ... invented.
Allow me.
Thank you very much.
I hope you're hungry.
Because here's the dinner.
Turn it on, Bob!
Is the first time that almost
I devour the main course.
Where did you learn to cook well?
I did not,
just followed the recipe from my aunt ...
Gonk, what you do? Give me that book.
Gonk, come back here right now or
I will shut for a week.
Deja vu.
Gonk, you're here?
Gonk, what you mean dog.
We were filled with slime.
Now do you want?
- I think he wants to open the trunk.
- Why do not you say so?
Look at all these amazing things!
This could be you, Gonk.
I think I came out with this guy.
Look at this!
- Think it will be for me?
- Better run it.
You open it.
"Dear Elvira, for all these years,
I have protected the truth, "
"But now is the time that
the only protection is the truth. "
The what? Let me see that.
"Your mother, Devana,
was an extraordinary woman. "
"It was a real lady of Darkness.
But his power was not complete. "
"For 300 years, your great uncle
Vincent has tried to master it. "
300 years?! God, I hope to look like that
when you are that age.
"We have destroyed as your mother,
if I had not sent her away. "
"I've left all the power
need to protect you. "
"And I have entrusted to my faithful family."
What is that familiar?
Bob, you've never seen the old
Roger Corman films?
All witches have a pet,
you can change almost anything.
Where was I? Ah yes.
"Not only do you want to protect,
also the book
containing the magic of your mother. "
"Our enemy is dangerous.
Protects the book, Elvira! "
"First, when Vincent aprtalo
the moon is under the shadow of the Earth. "
"Remember, you carry the power to you.
Your aunt, who loves you, Morgana. "
What macabre! I knew it was
different but not much.
No wonder you put so Vinnie
when not finding the book.
Yes, you heard what your aunt said.
Not have to fall into their hands.
There is no way you have it now.
I killing myself for a living
as host of horror
when, in fact, descend
a celebrity metaphysics.
If I find the right spell,
I can make money to go to Vegas.
I mean, really make money.
I think you should not play
again with that book.
Here, Bob! "Riki Selzba Moula" ...
Just what I need, much moula.
- "Riki Selzba Moula" ...
- Elvira, I do not ...
... "Pasera Floctum
Kezrah Flome ".
It's working, Bob!
It's working!
- Bob, are you still there?
- Yes, here!
What is this?
You know Bob, I can be wrong but
I think I found a love spell.
- Seriously?
- Bob!
Hold me, Bob!
Hug me!
"Annual Picnic Club
Falwell morality "
Chastity, the picnic is
a great success!
Yes, I think that is something that
we could not have before.
Come to the table!
Guys act like wild animals.
At the end of the line!
What good is it!
I have not felt so hungry.
Melody, I see you've done
Tic Tac your famous pie.
Bob, what do you do?
You scared me to hell!
- What is happening?
- Say settling scores.
See if they like. I assure you
when you open the pot will repent.
I have not tried this.
Revenge is best
that Christmas.
I do not understand.
What happened?
It seems a kind of stew.
This is wonderful!
I have to get the recipe.
Damn it! What ruined when
supplanted the "folemgra" with red chili.
Thanks for the drink.
I feel a little dizzy.
Suddenly it's hot.
This reminds you of something?
And this reminds you of something?
Give me that!
It's mine!
Wow, what a bitch I am!
Excuse me,
is this seat free?
Let macho, dance!
Moving!
That's an interesting dish.
Where did you learn how to do?
It's just a family recipe.
Okay, I give you $ 500
for the book.
I look like a calibrated?
No deal, man.
You think you're very clever, no? As you
I will kill you and your little dog too!
Help me!
No! You again?
Always wear the same dress?
No. Sometimes I prefer to take
something low cut and sexy.
I guess your profession,
better attention.
Come here, Bob, let me show
how does a real woman!
Sorry!
Everyone saw it! I attacked in broad daylight
abusing me!
I?! Barely escaped alive.
You'd end up with a mechanical bull.
Do not get away with it, you
sex maniac!
I demand that the council
dismiss this pervert.
I did not even touch these
sheep, so help me!
Calvin smeared with jam all.
I am innocent, I licked just a little.
Silence!
Do not you see?
Have them in your hands.
Is Elvira who is responsible
of this.
Sure, I should have known that was the bitch.
We should throw the people
mounted on a huge trunk!
She might enjoy it a lot.
There is a solution much
more satisfying.
We can make
the arrest.
Arrest, under what charges?
It happens that there is a law
going back to the Salem witch trials,
specifically prohibiting and I quote:
"Any citizen to practice
the ancient arts of,
witchcraft, demonology,
alchemy or conjuration. "
The charge, my fellow members
council, is ...
Witchcraft!
- Let me out of here!
- Stop screaming!
I've seen "popular court". I have the right
a call and an investigation.
There are public phone in front. What is it?
Not sure where you left the broom?
Listen, paunchy, if I had a broom,
would know exactly where I put it.
This is great!
I can hear Manny.
"Hello, Vegas! There is a change of plans.
The star was burnt at the stake. "
Elvira, good news. Get
the best lawyer in the county.
It will come in tomorrow morning.
Bob, in the morning? At that time
only be my ashes.
- You get me out of here!
- But how?
The book! It is my only chance.
Quick, go home and bring it!
- Bob, wait!
- What?
I hid under the floor,
in the living room.
Bob!
- What?
- Hurry!
Move!
Now!
Whine why?
It's me they will do barbecue.
Sorry.
It's mine!
The power is mine!
Gonk, which does not give you a panic attack!
I think I took
too much acid in the '60s.
Who is the stake?
For Elvira!
- Thank the Lord, Father!
- I come to save you, my child.
At last, someone to do
to reason with these people.
Lord, save the soul
of this poor creature,
although its creamy white flesh
burn and scorch ...
Well, how convenient!
Thanks for trying,
guys!
Gonk, are you boy?
Good job, Gonk!
Burn the witch!
- Smoke?
- Yes, but I'll leave.
I will believe! I left the oven
on! Be right back.
- Last words?
- Only one: Help!
To burn the witch!
Everyone shut up!
Now, by the power vested in me
by the state of Massachusetts,
will pronounce judgment on
Elvira, the prisoner.
Death at the stake!
Wait, sheriff!
What you are doing is wrong.
Burn faster,
if you turn it on in several places.
Patty, no!
We should do this
every year.
Qumate in hell
witch!
Bye, guys! It was a pleasure!
Please send my ashes to Las Vegas!
Let me go!
- Hello Bob.
- Patty, you're a good person.
Gonk?
Remember,
you carry the power in you.
The ring!
Are you okay?
Look, the eclipse of the moon!
Remember
the card from your aunt?
When the moon falls under
the shadow of the Earth ...
- If so what?
- Vincent has the book.
Elvira!
Little devil!
Vincent, we do not recognize?
We are on your side.
Pigs!
Stay back!
Attacks Gonk!
Do not make me use this!
The amulet was unable to protect your mother
and neither will save you!
Want to play hard?
Take this!
You can not escape me, daughter of Devana!
I will destroy you as I did with it!
I looking for me?
Think you can stop
with your toys?
No, but it was worth shooting.
Look!
Sure,
easy for you to say.
That hurts!
You and I have
an outstanding bill.
Yes, we can negotiate.
Surely we can understand.
- Sure, you know, I want this, that ...
- I'll show you what I want!
- I am the master of darkness!
- Before I see you in hell!
Elvira now, you will die!
Remember, you take the power in you!
What did the insurance agent?
The policy does not cover unforeseen demons.
Well at least you still have the ring.
If the only thing I have left
and it looks cheap.
Sorry, Elvira. I know you wanted
act more than anything in Las Vegas.
I'm not the kind of girl
that he fulfilled the dreams.
I do better nightmares.
I wish I could do something.
Do not worry about me, Bob, I'm like a
plastic fruit, I do not rot so easy.
Here comes the crowd
to lynch me.
- Calm down, calm down, I went.
- We do not want you to go.
- We wanted to tell you that we were
wrong with you and sorry.
Elvira, you're the best
happened to our people.
You touched a part of my son
no one had touched before.
How I wish ...
Whenever you come to Falwell, have
free room in the "Porcupine."
- Wait a minute, Leslie!
- Shut up, you old witch!
- Finally, it was repaired.
- Great!
At least I'll have a place
to live.
- But still I have no way to pay.
- Do not worry, I'll think of something.
I'm sorry dear
burn and everything else and ...
I hope I do not hold grudges.
Do not worry,
it is above that.
If, well above.
Elvira, I have important roles
you have to sign.
As his uncle has died, you are the
sole heir of his property.
- I?
- To my knowledge no other.
- Las Vegas!
- Elvira, that's great!
Las Vegas!
Ladies and gentlemen, Hotel Flamingo
is proud to present
The Lady of Darkness, Elvira!
I've always dreamed of doing this.
And now I have my chance ...
So sorry if I delight ...
in a little song and dance!
For me?
In-sweet dreams!
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