Fathers' Day (1997) Movie Script
1
He's just a young boy
Lookin' for a way
to find love
It isn't easy
Nothin' you can say
will help him
Find love
He's got to do it
For himself
And it can take
so long
He's just a young boy
Lookin' for a way
to find love
Find love
A perfect combination
Find love
Whatever you do
Find love
A cause
for celebration
And it might
come lookin'
Lookin'
Come lookin' for you
Yeah
Find love
In any situation
Find love
Whatever you do
Find love
A cause
for celebration
And it might
come lookin'
Lookin'
Come lookin' for you
He doesn't need
Another helping hand
from someone
But don't you think
He doesn't understand
what he wants
Someone
Though independence
means a lot
He's got
to still be strong
He's just a young boy
Lookin' for a way
to find love
Yeah
Find love
A time for meditation
Find love
A source
of inspiration
Find love
Instead
of confrontation
Find love
And love will come
Lookin' for you
I think that would be
excellent lawyering
on your part.
So, what do you think,
about 90 cents
on the dollar?
Jack?
90 cents on the dollar.
I think that would
be fair.
Uh, yeah.
Let's do this
after lunch, ok?
So how long
has it been?
17 years.
Wow.
Wow. Hello.
Yeah.
Hmm!
I suppose you're
married now, huh?
Yeah. 8 years.
Oh.
Yep, 4 years
for the first wife,
3 years
for the second wife,
and this one
a year so far.
How about you?
Yeah, I married
soon after we broke up.
Really?
Mm-hmm. Any kids?
No. No, no, no.
Not for me.
And you?
Uh, yeah. A son.
Scott. He's 16.
Wow.
He's yours.
Is that a joke?
Oh, no. He's your son.
My son?
Yes.
I just never
said anything
because by the time
I found out
I was pregnant,
we had broken up,
and I was in love
with Bob,
my husband.
I married him and...
he thinks Scott
is his.
How do you know
that he isn't?
Well, I know.
I know.
I did the math.
Well, not to demean
your math skills,
but don't you think
we should do this
the right way?
You know,
blood tests, DNA.
And why are you
telling me now
after all of this time,
by the way?
Scott ran away
2 weeks ago.
Bob...
The husband?
Yeah.
Scott and Bob
had a terrible fight.
Bob kept saying
he'd be back,
but it's--
it's been 2 weeks,
and we haven't...
Do you have any idea
where he went?
No.
He ran away
with this girl
he was seeing--
Nikki Trainor.
Her parents
are divorced.
Her father lives
in San Francisco.
He...
works in
a towing service.
Tip-Top Towing.
Tip-Top Towing?
Well, when we called,
he wouldn't even speak
to us.
He wouldn't even speak
to the police.
Do you have a picture?
Of Scotty?
Yeah.
Oh.
You can see
the resemblance,
right?
Well, it's the wrong
expression.
When he smiles,
he's you.
Do you have a picture
of him smiling?
Well, sorry.
I... I...
wish there was something
or anything that I could do.
You can find him.
Me? I don't find people.
I sue them.
To whom it may concern.
For years I've thought
about killing myself--
It's the only thing
that's kept me going--
but something
always held me back.
My writing.
Good-bye...
my life's work.
Au revoir, oeuvre.
Ciao, caca.
2 bullets
should be enough.
Aah!
Hello.
Who's this?
Collette?
Collette Richard?
Oh, my God.
How are you?
Oh, me?
Oh, I'm not bad.
Tomorrow?
Well, you know,
I made no plans.
It's one face.
Oh.
I have a son.
Oh, God.
Dale...
Ohh...
I'm ok.
Just tell me
about Scotty.
When can I see him?
Dale, Scott is missing.
My son is missing?
We think he's up here.
Here in San Francisco?
Since you live here,
and you were always
so understanding...
Oh, psychic sometimes.
But you really seem
to have a full plate.
Collette...
I know I seem a little...
fuzzy...
but I can focus.
Let me try this.
I can do it.
My son needs me.
Don't you worry, Scotty.
Daddy's coming.
Why didn't somebody
call me
before I left
Los Angeles?
Because we didn't know,
Jack.
My client showed up here
20 minutes ago
then said his cast
was too tight.
He was in terrible pain,
and he had to go home.
Terrible pain.
It's true. He'll be
all right by tomorrow.
Yes, but I am here
today.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Rose will book you
into a hotel overnight.
Where do you
like to stay?
My house, but it's
in Los Angeles.
Hello.
Jack: Hi, honey.
Oh, what's wrong?
Yeah, we have
a little problem.
I have to stay over
tonight. I'm sorry.
You gonna be ok?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
I'm just taking care of
stuff around the house.
All right.
I'll call you later. Bye.
Ok, bye.
Ok, let's see.
Do you have
a phone book?
Hi, Scott...
I'm your dad.
Hi, Scotty.
Oh!
Good firm handshake.
Scotty, how ya doin'?
Dude, I'm your old man.
I suppose
you're wondering
why your middle name
is Rainbow.
Yo, Scott.
What's up, homes?
You know, Scott,
when I was a boy
your age,
I was pulling on myself
harder than a tractor pull
in Arkansas.
I'm your papa
Your daddy
Your pal
You got to care for me,
you see?
I am your father.
Hug me...
and let us join
our spirits.
Mr Trainor?
What?
Hi, my name
is Jack Lawrence.
So?
So, I was hoping
that maybe you could
help me with something.
Have you seen this boy?
This again. Who are you?
I'm, uh...
I'm his father.
Well, what are you
bothering me for?
I already talked to
your wife on the phone.
Oh, no. She's not my wife.
She--she's--listen,
that's not even the point.
The point is I don't
know anything,
so get lost.
When was the last time
that you saw him?
Look, I'm tired
of this bullshit,
all right?
Now, just get the hell
out of here.
I'll get it. Hello?
Give me that.
No, he can't.
He's in a meeting.
What is wrong with you?
Hello? Listen, he can't
speak right now.
No, he's having
a lot of trouble
with his testicles.
I will tell him. Bye.
That was your mother
on the phone.
Come on, now.
There you go.
You're gonna be ok.
Sit there. All right.
All right.
All right.
Ok. Come on.
Everything's gonna be ok.
What were we talking about?
You know, I just--
oh, right, right, right.
Your daughter and my son.
Yeah, um...
All right, they were here
with a bunch of other kids.
Good. Good.
And?
And now they're gone.
And where did they go?
Nikki said something
about trying to get money
from my ex-wife and...
And she would be?
The lady that runs
the marina in Tiberon.
What's her name,
Bosco?
Shirley.
Shirley's marina.
Shirley's marina
in Tiberon.
Thank you very, very much.
Oh, excuse me.
Mr Trainor?
No, that's not me.
Oh, no?
Uh, he's in there.
Oh, thank you.
Ok. Ok.
Sheesh.
Hey, can I get a cab
out front?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, nice shot.
Thanks a lot.
Mr Trainor?
Yeah?
I hope I'm not catching you
at an inconvenient moment.
Ahem. I won't
waste an extra minute
of your valuable time.
Have you seen
this handsome boy?
Who--who are you?
Isn't it obvious?
I'm his father.
I understand that, uh,
he and your daughter are,
shall we say, an item.
Oh, they grow up so fast,
don't they?
I mean, one minute,
there you're going
"Who's the little boy?"
And the next minute
he's banging
your little girl.
May I sit down?
Sure.
So, how many fathers
does this kid have?
Oh...
No. I see.
No, the man you met
is not the real father.
I'm the real father.
See, it's a long story.
17 years ago,
we were biking
through the wine--
The mother and I were,
you know,
biking through
the wine country.
It began to rain
a little--
Please,
you answer the phone.
I'll finish my story
after.
Ow! What the--
Wait! I'm sorry!
Get the hell
out of here!
What's that all about?!
Oh!
My God!
That man is insane!
He just bludgeoned me
with a phone
for no reason!
He's a bad guy.
Are you ok?
I don't know.
Is there blood?
No.
Good.
I was just telling him
this lovely story
about me and a girl
biking through
the wine country.
Hey, those stories
aren't for everybody,
pal.
I guess not.
I have to talk
to him, though.
I'm trying to find
my son.
Your son?
Yeah.
He ran away.
Your son ran away?
Yeah.
So did mine.
How richly bizarre.
They could be together.
You think so?
He said there's
a whole group of them.
Dale Putley.
Jack Lawrence.
Do you know
where Tiberon is?
Jack: Dale, I feel like
I'm in a white Bronco.
Dale: I'm sorry.
I just get anxious
driving over bridges.
That's because you're
going 11 miles an hour.
I'm going 25 miles
an hour, Jack.
Yeah, I can feel
the g-force.
What?
What?!
Son--
Calm down.
I'm ok. It's just
all these people.
I don't like
a lot of people
or a lot of cars.
What do you do
for a living?
Well...
I teach English
as a third language
at the Jewish
Community Centre.
Excuse me!
I'm really sort of a...
writer at large.
I write and perform
poetry and plays.
Things from my soul.
Ah. Really?
Yeah.
But it's avant-garde.
Very experimental.
You mean like
with guinea pigs and--
you're not a mime,
are you, because I...
I used to be.
Oh, you did?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, what? No, please.
Nothing. Just...
Oh, no, no. Tell me.
It's ok. I can...
I hate them.
I see the mime on the street,
I want to kick him in the face,
I'll tell you.
Really?
You should
talk to somebody
about that, Jack.
They're annoying.
Really?
If I go out shopping
or something,
he's got a balloon,
it's like--
What do you do?
And I just want
to smack him.
What do I do?
I'm a lawyer.
Bloodsucker.
Uh, I'm sorry. What?
I didn't hear
what you said.
Right here.
The throat.
Sorry.
Dale?
What?
You missed the exit.
Oh, I what?
All this
pithy conversation,
and we missed the exit.
You have to go off
and come back around.
Ohh...
Oh.
Oh.
Dale!
What are you doing?!
What was that?!
Oh! I'm sorry.
I turn around,
and you blacked out!
I'm sorry.
What was that?!
In crisis situations,
I have these
anxiety attacks,
and I hyperventilate,
and I pass out
for a moment.
Sorry. I'm back.
Whew.
Jack: So have you
been driving long?
About 30 years now.
Oh, listen,
these things take time.
Here. Pull in here.
Yeah, brake, brake, br--
Perfect.
Anchovies. I gave you
the shrimp, right?
Yeah.
Here are the pile worms.
Gentlemen,
have a good time.
Catch some fish.
Mrs Trainor?
Yes.
Hi, my name
is Jack Lawrence.
Can I talk to you
for just a moment?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, Pepe,
don't start on that till
I get over there, ok?
I'm Dale Putley.
How do you do?
Shirley: Fine.
What do you want?
It's about
your daughter Nikki.
Dale: Your ex-husband
told us to talk to you.
Oh, God.
What'd she do now?
Oh, we're not
looking for Nikki.
We're trying to find
our 2 boys.
Yeah, we think
that they're moving
in your daughter's
social circle.
Listen to me.
I don't know
where Nikki is.
Frankly,
I don't want to know.
But we're...
How'd you get her husband
to talk?
I head-butted him
in the face.
How Joe Pesci of you.
What are you gonna do
with her,
run her tits
through the Visa machine?
Hey, listen,
how about crying again?
Me?
Yeah. It might reach
her maternal thing.
Cry just like that?
You cried when we missed
the exit.
Don't mock me.
Listen, Chip--
Dale.
Dale.
You're an actor, right?
You're a performer.
Let's make believe
that it's a play--
A very sad play.
A tragic play.
You're a tragic hero.
You're...
You're Lou Gehrig.
Who's that?
Lou Gehrig.
Lou Gehrig.
Everybody
knows Lou Gehrig.
The baseball player.
He died of Lou Gehrig's
Disease.
Wow. What are the odds
on that?
Oh, boy.
Here's what I need:
I need tears,
and I need them quickly.
She's gonna come back.
Come on.
I'll try.
Do it.
Just need to find
something personal
from my past.
At the actor's studio,
they call it sense memory.
Wow.
Ok.
Ok.
Come on.
That's nice. Good.
Wow. That's fantastic.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm at my grandmother's
funeral.
Well, sorry
I wasn't there.
Oh, it was great.
Jack: Cut it out.
She's here.
Why are you still here?
Well...
What's wrong with him?
Him? He's...
He's upset.
He's distraught.
Crying?
Crying? He's weeping.
Why?
Why?
It's his son.
His son is his life.
His whole life.
You know, we come here
looking for help,
and you with your
big city ways,
you crush his last hope
of ever finding him again.
Y-yeah-ha-ha.
Ow... my boy, my boy.
I don't know.
Come on, you're ripping
his heart out.
Listen, my daughter
could get into trouble.
No, no.
We'll keep it private.
Strictly
in the family.
Yeah, from one parent
to another.
To another.
Whew.
They're probably
with Sugar Ray.
The boxer?
No, it's a rock band.
Nikki and some
of the other kids
travel all over
following them around.
Dale: They're in
San Francisco then?
Where are they playing?
They were, and then Nikki
came over a couple days ago
and said she was taking off
to Sacramento.
They're playing a club
called, uh, The Temple.
The Temple?
Yes.
In Sacramento.
Sugar Ray.
Thank you
very, very much.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Look,
if you see Nikki,
tell her to call me
if she needs anything.
At the risk of sounding
a little pretentious,
I want to share
with you
a line from one
of my unproduced plays.
Oh, no.
"The amazing thing
about a parent's love
"is that something
so large
can so often
go unseen."
That's beautiful.
Thank you.
Look, what do
they look like,
your sons?
If they were with Nikki,
I probably met them.
Do you have a picture?
Yeah. I have a picture.
Yeah, I did.
There he is.
Shirley:
Well, he's handsome.
Thank you.
This is my guy.
What is this, a joke?
Scott.
Scott.
That bitch!
That bitch!
Hello?
Jack: Collette?
Aah!
Guess who.
Yes, that's right.
Guess where I am.
No, I'm in San Francisco.
And guess who I'm with.
Oh, God.
I'll give you a hint.
Don't do that!
She got it in a second.
Wasn't even a pause.
Oh, thank you.
What the hell
is going on, huh?
How could you do this?
How could you tell us both
the same story?
Oh, I'm so hurt!
It's not a story.
Collette,
who is the father?
Is it me, Bob,
or...
Dale!
Dale?
Look, the truth
is I don't know, ok?
I knew all 3 of you
then.
Any of you could be
his father.
Please, just find him.
I mean, find him,
and we can settle it
later.
Oh, that really helps.
Good-bye.
What did she say?
She said
she's not sure.
You don't know
who Scott's father is?
When did you meet her?
At a baseball game.
Mm-hmm.
You?
Up here at Berkeley.
Ahh, Collette.
Oh, that accent.
Mmm.
Mouth.
I tell you,
she was just so...
Stimulating.
The first date...
I just stared at her
the whole night.
She was that stunning.
In the moonlight,
with that skin.
I didn't even touch her.
I took nude photographs
of her.
She posed nude for you?
Yeah.
It was photography class.
It was extra credit.
Wow.
All she ever did for me
was have sex.
Mmm. We did that, too,
but I've got some negatives.
Wow.
It was Berkeley.
You know.
I took nude pictures
of her,
she took nude pictures
of me.
Her roommate
took nude pictures
of the both of us.
Then I took nude pictures
of her and her roommate
wrestling on a slip-n-slide,
coming at me like...
Enjoy.
Francene?
Mm-hmm?
Excuse me, but, um,
this has cheese on it.
It's better
with cheese.
I'm not conducting
a poll.
You see,
I can't digest this.
Cheese is no longer
my friend.
If I eat this,
it's gonna be bad for me,
and pretty much
everybody else
on this side of the room,
so could you give me
another one?
Francene.
Mm-hmm?
Can you also
take this one,
and wrap both of them
to go, ok?
Oh, and the check.
Francene: Nothing would
give me greater pleasure.
Thank you.
Dale, where am I going?
Sacramento,
where our son is.
No, you don't
understand.
We don't know
what's going on.
She keeps telling us
different stories.
Why are we running off
there?
We don't know
who the real father is.
We won't know unless
we go there and find out
for ourselves.
Francene: Thank you.
Thank you,
Francene.
Pick it up, pick it up
Pick it up, pick it up
Aah!
What is the matter?
Will you do me a favour?
Will you look back there
and see if there's
a dead body in the road?
What?
Please.
No, there's nothing there.
There's not a body
lying in the road?
A what?
A body.
No.
Nothing there.
Oh, good.
I often think
that I've run
someone over.
But now
I'll be on MTV
A magazine
like Seventeen
Or Rolling Stone
or Mother Jones
Put it in my pocket
And my pic's
on your t-shirt, yeah
I hope he's here.
Don't worry, Jack.
Let me be your guide.
I know this world.
Oh, yeah?
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Let's split up.
No, Jack.
No, no, no.
You'll be fine.
You go that way,
I'll go this way.
No, Jack--
Just ask if
they've seen Scott.
Ask if
I've seen Scott.
Ok.
Ok?
Excuse me!
Pardon me!
Excuse me, have you
seen this boy? Um...
Have you seen this boy?
No.
No.
Have you--ohh!
Oh, my God!
Ow! Ow!
I'm sorry.
You all right?
No, I'm not all right.
Will you get it off?
All right.
It was an accident.
Ow! My nose! Ow!
I'm sorry.
Dale: Hello?
Have you seen
a young man named Scott?
He's my son!
Perfect. Have you
seen this boy?
You guys want him?
Oh, no!
Aah!
Oh, Jack! Oh, Jack.
All right, stop it.
That's him!
That's Scott!
My boy!
Get the gate!
Turn around, guys.
Oh, no, excuse me,
Mr Humongous,
but we've got to
get back to that boy.
Turn around!
Private area!
Hey, listen, let's make
it a semi-private area.
I really have
to get back there.
Don't make me have
to hurt you, old man.
Old man.
Old man?
Old man.
Come here, let me
tell you something.
What's that?
Let's go.
What?
Let's go.
Come on.
Oh, my God!
Ohh!
Oh, Scotty.
Everything's
all right.
I'm here. It's ok.
It's ok.
It's not him.
Who's this?
I don't know.
He's over here!
Call your father.
Come on!
Ok.
Is he all right?
We better get him up.
He's out cold.
Ohh! Oh, this guy's
in good shape.
Oh, that girl's
not for you.
Yeah, she's for
everybody else.
At least we know he ate.
Ok.
Yeah.
Get him out of here.
He's going to
catch pneumonia.
Jack: No, no,
he's ok, Collette.
No, I--I promise.
No, I'll--I'll, uh, I'll
tell you all about it
when I see you,
but, uh, what
we're gonna do is,
we're gonna bring him
back to the hotel in
San Francisco tonight,
and then we'll
bring him home tomorrow.
And then, Collette,
listen to me,
we have got to
work this thing out.
Ok. You're welcome.
I'll tell him. Bye.
She was happy, huh?
Oh, yeah, she was
happy and relieved.
You know, it's funny.
The first time I got drunk,
it was over a girl.
Yeah.
Yeah?
My first suicide attempt
was over a girl.
Are you joking?
You--you really--
No. I--I used to
be somewhat unstable.
Oh.
What happened?
Well, it was
in high school.
We were
doing a production
of The King and I.
Mm-hmm.
And my drama teacher,
Miss Manero,
stayed late one night
to show me that dance
that the king
does with Anna.
Oh, uh...
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?
Ba ba ba
Ba ba ba
Shall we dance?
1, 2, 3.
Well, she taught me
the dance,
and then she
showed me a part
that was obviously cut
from the original.
You made it with
your high school teacher?
Yeah.
You know,
I got to tell you.
I don't know what you have
to be depressed about.
You're taking nude
pictures of roommates,
you're humping
your faculty.
Your life is something
I'd be ashamed to rent.
But she dumped me.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, hey, look,
these things happen.
Is there--
There's nobody there.
Thank you.
Why don't you take
a plane in the morning?
No, that'd be too late.
It's--I'm his father.
I want to be there when
he wakes up.
If, you know, if I
drive straight through,
I can just make it.
You're still angry
at me, aren't you?
Actually, I'm--I'm
just angry at myself.
I should have been
the one to go after him
in the first place.
No, I just--I wanted
to give him a chance to
come home on his own,
and he didn't.
I love him and
I want him to know it.
Ok, I should go.
For the road.
Thanks.
Bob, when you see--when
you see Jack and Dale,
tell them how sorry
and ashamed I am
about what I did.
I just didn't think
I'd see Scotty again.
I'm sorry you
couldn't count on me.
Good evening,
Mr Lawrence.
How are you, Andre?
Nice to see you again.
Fine.
I got him.
It's ok. I got him.
Oh, wait, wait.
Can we...
May I help you?
We got him.
No, we're fine.
You're sure?
Absolutely.
Little man
had a big day. Ok.
Good evening,
Charles.
Anything we can
help you with,
Mr Lawrence?
Could you send
the valet to my room,
please?
Right away,
sir.
Thank you.
Here we go.
Good evening.
Oh, after you.
We'll take
the next one.
Ok.
Ohh!
Ohh!
Dale:
Oh, he's a mess.
Yeah.
Oh, my God!
What, fungus?
Look at his toes.
Look at his toes.
What am I missing?
Do you see how that
big one bends that way,
the little one
tucks itself underneath?
Uh-huh. You're
easily entertained.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, really?
Entertain this.
Huh?
What?
See, it's a match.
We have the same toes.
Millions of people
have toes like that.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Do you?
Yeah.
Oh, let's see.
No.
Take your shoes
and socks off.
No, I won't.
Get away.
Come on,
take them off.
Come on, let's see.
Let's see what
you've got there.
Come on, come on,
take them off.
No! Ow!
Let go!
Let me see.
I will sue you!
Yeah?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Uncle! Uncle!
Ha ha ha ha ha.
All right!
What?
Oh. Oh, I'm really sorry,
Dale. You don't match.
No match. You lose.
I'm the father. Ha ha.
Means nothing.
That's not proof.
Oh, toe-boy.
Check this out.
What?
The whirl.
The whirl?
The boy has a whirl,
just like I got one.
See, that's a whirl.
This is a curl,
that's whirl.
Do you have a whirl?
No.
No whirl.
You... are whirless!
Ha ha!
Thank you very much.
I go to a hairdresser,
I get a whirl.
Really? Well, I will
tell Jose maybe
to add some
more hair, ok?
Let me ask you
something, Whirly.
Ok, nothing
about sports.
Ok, when did--when did
Collette call you?
Uh...
Huh? When did she
talk to you about him?
Tuesday.
Oh, too bad.
That's it,
I'm the father. You lose.
But you go home with
some lovely parting gifts.
You get all that
from Tuesday?
How?
Yes.
Because she
saw me on Monday.
So?
So I wasn't
very co-operative,
so then she came to you.
I cannot believe
you did that with
an unconscious child.
Get the phone.
Get the phone.
Ow! Ohh!
Excuse me.
Hello?
Jack! Oh, finally.
Where have you been?
Uh, I was out.
Of course you were out.
I've been calling you
all night, Jack.
I mean, I was afraid
that you had been
killed or something.
No, no, no, I'm fine.
I'm absolutely fine.
I just had, uh,
something I had to do.
Carrie:
Where have you been?
Jack, soap!
Dale:
Some soap,
please.
Who is that?
No one.
What do you mean
no one?
Well, actually, honey,
it's--it's a friend.
I made a new friend.
Hello?
Valet.
Dale: I'm hosing
him down, Jack.
What--what
is that noise?
That's the shower.
You and your new friend
are taking a shower?
No, we're not--
I'm not in the shower.
Uh, he's in the shower.
And you're
watching him?
Somebody call
for a valet?
No--
It's like
wrestling flipper!
Excuse me,
I knocked,
but I guess you
didn't hear me.
Oh, he's so slippery.
I'll come back.
No, no, no, no, no.
Just--just--just--
The jacket is on the desk,
and I'll give you the pants.
Honey, hold on. I got
to take my pants off.
Don't call me honey.
No, not you. Honey,
hold on just a sec.
No, I'm not
going to hold on.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Carrie: You pick
up this phone!
Pick up the phone!
Pick up the phone,
Jack!
How's everything
at the house? All right?
Oh, Jack!
He's gonna blow!
What is go--
What was that noise?
Carrie, you
are confusing me.
I'm very tired.
Explain to me
what is going on there.
Honey, listen,
it's--it's very
complicated, ok?
He's soaking wet!
Get over here!
Dry his toes!
Honey, I have to go.
I have to help him
towel off the boy.
What boy?
Bye.
That went well.
Ohh!
There you go.
Did you have to
talk all the time?
Oh, excuse me, but
I was in there all alone!
Why couldn't you
respect my privacy?
I'm trying
to clean up our boy.
He's weeping.
Now he's weeping.
This is great.
Why'd we bother putting
him in the shower?
You just could
have wept on him.
Bob: Ok.
Ohh!
Oh.
God!
15 minutes till I
take this deposition.
Where the hell is he
with my suit?
Jack, look at this.
That's money. I remember
that from when I was single.
It's $5,000.
I was cleaning out
his pants and I found
it in the pockets.
$5,000 in cash.
What's he doing with
$5,000 in cash?
He stole it.
Why do you
leap to the worst
possible conclusion?
Ok, he won it
in a hair whirl
contest.
That's my suit.
Here's your suit.
Thank you. Oh, wait,
wait, wait. Here.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, I didn't
see a thing.
Get out of here.
Jack, you took $20
of the boy's money.
Just 20.
I'm going to
keep track of that.
You owe him $20.
Jack owes 20.
Dale?
What?
He's getting up.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Who are you?
I'm Dale Putley.
I'm Jack Lawrence.
We're--
Friends.
Right. Of your mother.
Wh-where am I?
San Francisco.
The Mark Hopkins Hotel.
Beautiful day
out there.
You had a big night
last night.
Oh, boy.
You were...
Ha ha ha.
Where's Nikki?
Oh, Sacramento.
Forget her.
I wouldn't
worry about her.
What'd you do with my cl--
my clothes?
Well, you--you
were very sick and--
Listen,
don't be scared.
Look, I just want
my clothes, and I want
to get out of here.
You can't keep me here.
It's illegal.
Now, take
it easy, ok?
We got to tell him.
I guess so.
What?
What?
Scott, sit down.
Please?
Come on.
Dale:
We've got a little
surprise for you.
Come on.
Have a seat.
Do you mind
if I tell him?
Fine.
Scott--
17 years ago,
your mother and I
were pedalling through
the wine country.
It began to rain.
It was more of a mist.
It was
so romantic.
I don't have time
for the wine country saga
right now, ok?
Fine.
Scott...
What I'm
about to tell you
may sound
a little bit--
Bizarre.
Unusual.
Unbelievable,
actually.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, this is the truth,
as best as we know it.
One of us--
Either one.
Either one.
Whatever. Sorry.
Scott, one of us
might be...
your father.
I know. It
sounds crazy
to us, too,
but, you see--
17 years ago,
we--we both...
Your mother.
And there's
a debate now
as to who your--
Father is.
Yeah,
it's the truth.
This is bullshit!
No, no,
it's true.
You can
call your mother.
She'll tell you.
Oh...
Hello?
Your car's here.
Yeah. Listen,
I have to go.
Now?
Yeah.
I have a deposition
in 15 minutes.
What the hell
are we gonna do?
About what?
Yeah.
About what?
About the fact
that I'm leaving
him alone with you.
Oh, why don't you do
the old headbutt?
That way he'll
be sprawled out
on the floor
when you come back.
All I'm saying is, are
you gonna be ok with him
if I leave you?
Well, I'm a lot more
capable than you
think I am.
Where's my money?
Yeah, don't worry--
I got it.
Give me my money.
That's my money!
I want it right now!
Back off, skippy, or
I'll call the cops!
Hey! Let's just
take it easy, ok?
I'm sorry.
Calm down.
All right?
What?
Come here.
Give me the money.
No.
Give me the money.
As a parent,
I disagree with
your approach.
Thank you.
Here's the money.
No, we're just going
to put it right here
for safekeeping.
Ok?
You'll see.
I have got to go out.
And when I
come back, we'll--
we'll talk about this.
We'll all get
to know each other,
and you'll see,
it won't be so bad, ok?
Order anything you want
from room service.
It's on me.
Whoa! That's a biggie!
Hey, Jack...
Oh, boy.
Morning.
Beautiful day,
ain't it?
Oh, yeah,
perfect so far.
My guy's out with
the truck right now.
Soon as he gets back,
we'll get your car.
Ok, great.
I gotta call my wife.
Any men's room?
We use a port-a-potty.
It's out back.
Ain't it something
How the way things go?
Ain't it something
Ain't it something
Ain't it something
The way things go?
Everything ok?
Oh, yeah.
Ain't it something
How the way things go?
Ain't it something
How the way things go?
Hey!
Whoa! Aah!
Ohh!
Ow!
Ohh!
Help!
Oh, my God!
Help!
Whoa! This is not good.
Are you ok?
No, it's horrible!
It's an accident,
I swear.
I don't care!
I'll get help.
And then I wrote
my medical musical comedy.
It was called:
Hello, Doctor,
It's Still Swollen.
Catchy, huh?
It had a great
opening number.
Oh, uh, it was
called Hindsight.
And, my--
you know, the audience
was all out there
and we went...
Hello, Mr Colon
My prostate's
feelin' swollen
I think that
thing's are flowin'
Not so well
Breakfast. Ha ha.
I'm feelin'
kind of heinous
'Cause there's
something in my--
Good morning.
Come on in.
Here's your breakfast.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Mmm! Yum! Yum!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Here we go.
Let's see
what we have here.
Belgian waffles,
all the way from Brussels.
Granola, nature's broom.
15%, but I'm not paying,
so $20 tip.
Waiter:
Very good, sir.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
Oh, look, come on.
I saw that.
Mr Dimples.
He's trying to
make an appearance.
Come on.
Gray skies
are gonna clear up
Sit on a happy face
That's the way
my mother used to sing it.
But that's another story
and a lot of therapy.
Ooh.
Actually,
I am pretty hungry.
Thanks for
ordering breakfast.
You're welcome. Hey...
You probably need it
after last night.
You want some coffee?
Thank you.
Aren't you
a little gentleman.
Aah!
Aah!
Ow!
Ow! Ohh!
Oh, God! Ohh!
You little shit!
May you rot in hell!
Oh, my testicles!
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh. Ohh.
Ah, Woolite!
Ow! Ow!
Good morning.
Aah!
Oh! Oh, sorry.
It's all right.
I'll stand, you go.
Fine.
Ok.
Oh, excuse me.
Good afternoon.
Jack?
Jack?
Jack--
Uh, excuse me. Hi.
Yes, good morning.
How are you?
Good morning. I'm fine.
Do you know anything
about the man who was
staying in this room?
I was paid to keep
my mouth shut, lady.
No, no, no, no,
look, I'm his wife.
Lady, I don't want to get
in the middle of it, ok?
What?
The middle of what?
If it's any comfort,
I've seen worse.
Bob: Help!
All right, hold on.
I'm coming, pal.
Bob: Ok.
Oh, man, does that stink!
Just get me out.
It's terrible in here.
Hey, you know,
it'd been a lot easier
if you'd landed
with the door on top.
Next time.
Ohh. Ohh.
Hey, don't worry about it.
We got a winch right here.
We're gonna lift the whole
thing just right up.
Just hurry. I'm trying
to help my son.
Oh, my God!
Is he in there, too?
Bring 'em up!
Nice and easy!
You're looking real good.
You all right in there?
We'll get--whoa!
Ok.
Bob: Aah! Ohh!
Ow!
Oh, God!
Ooh!
Mr. Barmore, when you invested
your client's money in this --
car wash restaurant--
Wax and Waffles, yeah.
What about it?
Did you inform them
that it was owned by
your own brother
and that his
last 3 businesses
had gone bankrupt?
Only one went bankrupt.
Excuse me.
2 were acts of God.
Acts of God. That would
be the fire and the enormous
gasoline explosion,
both occurring in
the middle of the night?
The fact
that they occurred in
the middle of the night,
that's, uh, coincidence.
Yeah, the Lord works
in mysterious ways.
Jack, the sarcasm
isn't necessary.
Yes?
I'm really sorry,
but there's someone here
who says he has to
see Mr Lawrence.
Who is it?
I don't know, but he
looks a little strange,
and... he's...
um...
Weeping?
Then it's for me.
Excuse me just a second.
All right, why don't
we take a break?
You're doing great.
Jack?
Ohh.
What happened?
He poured hot coffee
all over my penis,
took my clothes,
and he ran away.
Don't cry.
Now, where is he?
I don't know.
I don't like you.
Don't.
OK.
Thank you.
Yeah, hi.
Is Jack Lawrence there?
I believe he's
taking a deposition.
This is his wife.
Um, do you wanna
get me a cab, please?
Thanks. What?
Reno? What? What
are you talking about?
Why--why is
he going to Reno?
Well, I--would you have
that flight information?
Dale: A rock festival
in Reno? I'm psyched.
Jack: I know.
It's awesome.
Shouldn't we
call Collette?
And tell her
we lost her son? No.
Oh, my batteries are dead,
and I have to talk to Carrie.
Well, use the pay phone.
We have time.
All right, I'll
be right over there.
I'll just be a second.
What?
Jack, I got
to get a new shirt.
I mean, you know,
this one's really--
Can I have $20?
Look, I'm not a mad
terrorist. I'm his wife.
I just want to see if my
husband is on the plane.
I'm sorry.
It's a strict FAA rule.
I can't give out
that information.
All right, then,
Miss Tweesbury,
I'll just buy a ticket
for the plane.
OK, you have to
do that downstairs.
What? OK. Well, thanks
a lot for your help.
Really appreciate it.
How the hell
I'm supposed to
make this flight.
It leaves in 5 minutes.
Ohh! Oh.
My purse.
You OK?
I'm fine.
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm OK.
Have we met?
No, I don't think so.
May I just say
if springtime
had a face,
it would be you.
I'm--I--that's swell.
I'm in a hurry.
Bless you.
It's from one of
my longer poems.
It's called
Cupid's Shaft.
Dale. Dale, come on.
I just had a vision.
Me, too.
That is a bad shirt.
You don't like it?
What's wrong.
No.
It's fine. Come on.
Well, what?
Call your wife?
Yeah, but she's
not there.
Besides, what
can I tell her?
If he's not my son,
why bring it up?
And if he is my kid,
then it's not how
I want to tell her.
You care
about her a lot.
I can tell.
She's great.
I love her a lot.
She's my favourite wife.
It's not even close.
And I don't want
to do anything
to screw it up.
How come you don't
have any children?
Well, the first 2 times
I was married,
I wasn't ready.
Then I thought
I was ready,
but I wasn't married.
And now Carrie and I are
married just a year,
so it's new, you know?
Jack.
What?
There's something
I should tell you.
What's that?
I'm somewhat
of a reluctant flyer.
Agent: You can go
right on board,
thank you.
Thank you.
Are you
a frequent flyer?
Because there's a new
mileage deal here.
You can apply today
for mileage plus.
Then you can get
a credit card
and you can get
a free mile
for every dollar
that you charge.
I think that's
a great deal.
Oh, God!
Just hold me!
That's a very good deal,
as a matter of fact.
Sir, take a big sip
of this.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You'll be
all right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, that's
pretty disgusting.
Well, we'll get
you cleaned up
real good there.
Turn around here.
Whoo. Let me
get in there.
You got a little
on your back here.
Turn around.
Come on.
Come on,
turn around.
There you go.
It's a miracle
that you didn't get,
like, really hurt
in that thing.
That went down
like a--
You know, I should
call my wife.
Now wait a minute.
Hold on.
Let me just get
your ear there.
You got
something in there
you really don't want
in there. Hoo!
Oh, here. Here's
some britches for you.
Hank gave you these.
There you go.
You'll be all right.
You got a little shit
there on your back.
Whoo! I'll get it.
Simmer down
Don't you hear
what I say?
Simmer down
Simmer and simmer
Long time, people
used to say
Watch the money go
It's runnin' away
Simmer down
You workin' too hard
So simmer down...
Hey, Scotty. I thought
we lost you.
No. I just had
some stuff--
You know what,
have you seen
Nikki around?
Yeah. We're
all crashed in 215.
She's up there
right now?
Yeah.
Look, I really wanted
to surprise her.
Could I borrow
your key?
Yeah, all right.
Thanks.
Oh. Matt and Lee
are looking for you.
They're here?
Oh, yeah.
Come on, man.
Open the door,
man.
Nikki?
Yeah. In here.
Hey.
Hey. I made it.
I thought maybe you
went home or something.
No. Um...
Nikki, what's
going on?
What do you mean?
I mean with you
and Mark.
I don't know.
Do you still like me?
Yeah, Scott.
I got you something.
What is it?
Open it.
Wow. Cool.
They're real diamonds.
I thought it might
look nice on you.
It cost $4,700.
Whoa.
Come on, let's do it.
Please, come on.
Please, please.
Oh, come on.
Back off!
I'm playing
that one, too.
Oh!
OK. I know the hotel
where the band
is staying.
I got directions.
We can be there
in 5 minutes.
Yeah, yeah.
Hello.
Yeah.
We're looking
for a kid, remember.
Oh, yeah.
OK, come on.
What is this outfit?
What?
I lent you $200,
and look at you.
You look like
Howdy Doody.
What is this?
It only cost
$110, Jack.
Oh. Where's my change?
It's in one
of these machines.
You put my money
in these machines?
Yeah. Ohh...
Damn you!
Jack, there's got to be
a blood bank open somewhere.
They give cash,
don't they?
Let's go.
OK.
Hey, guys.
Hello, Snot.
Surprised
to see us, Snot?
No.
I think
you are, mate.
No. I was
coming down here
to look for you.
Oh, really?
Listen, Scott...
where's the stuff?
Stuff?
Hello. The stuff.
Look, we gave you
a simple little job.
I mean, any moron
could do it,
even Matt here.
Matt: Even me.
Yeah. In fact, if
I'm not mistaken,
you asked
for the job, right?
So now,
where's the stuff?
The guy--
he didn't show up.
No, no.
See, he called,
and you didn't show up.
No. I waited.
Look, let's
go over it.
I was supposed
to stand right by--
All right. You didn't
get the stuff, huh?
So, where's the money?
The money is--
Our money!
The $5,000.
Where is it?
It's safe--
It's in a safe.
It's in a safe,
mate.
It's at the hotel
where I'm staying.
It's by the airport.
I'll go get it.
Oh, really?
Excuse me, but, uh...
do I have "asshole"
tattooed on my forehead
or something?
No.
All right. Well, I think
we all better go get it.
Hey? Yeah?
Like a date.
Come here.
You're not bullshitting us,
are you, Scotty?
Because if you're
bullshitting us,
I'm gonna
kill you.
Watch your step
here, mate.
Hey!
Get back here!
Wait until
I catch you!
Move!
Jack: I see this
all the time.
A rich kid
running wild.
Probably got
an expensive car,
running around town.
There's
no discipline.
Bob gives him
no control,
no boundaries.
Now Bob has no kid.
Oh, really? Well,
I think it's probably
exactly the opposite.
Really.
The kid needs compassion.
He needs attention.
He needs a big hug.
You know what
this kid needs?
What this kid needs
is a great big--
Aah!
I hit someone.
Yeah. It's not at all
like I imagined it.
Oh, God!
It's Scott!
My arm!
Scott, are you
all right?
Are you OK?
Please call 911!
Calm down.
You hit our son!
It was an accident.
Shut up!
Did you call the hotel
in San Francisco?
Well, no, they must
be driving back.
No. I'm sure he's fine.
No, I'm OK.
No, I'm all right.
Yeah.
No. I'm driving
back right now.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
No. I--I love you.
OK.
He's gonna kill us.
Oh, God.
Can you fix
the tyres?
Yeah, well, we can
fix the tyres.
But...
What?
Well, he cracked
the axle
when he towed
the car back.
But don't worry.
We can fix it...
in a day or so,
maybe.
The doctor
says he's fine--
a simple break--
and he gave him
a prescription
in case there's
any pain.
He's in there.
You can go in.
Thanks a lot.
I didn't--
The--
It's been a long day.
Yeah. I'm--
How you feeling?
Thanks.
Scott.
Scott.
Hey, come over here.
Hey, Scott.
Scott.
Scott, I'm sorry.
You ran me over.
It was an accident.
Yeah, I know you both
might be my father,
but just leave me alone.
What the hell was
my mother anyway,
some kind of whore?
Hey! Watch your mouth.
Your mother was somebody
that we both cared
a lot about.
And she cares
a lot about you.
You know how
lucky you are
to have that?
Maybe, but--
You know,
you have no idea
what my father's like.
So, tell us.
Yeah. Nikki's the first girl
that I ever loved,
but my father
doesn't care.
He wouldn't let me
see her anymore.
He said, "She's bad news.
She's a tramp."
He said he's putting
his foot down.
Blah blah blah blah.
I mean, he never
lets me explain.
It's like,
for absolutely
no reason,
he'll just take
my car away.
You have a car?
Yeah.
Scott, your father
is Mister Rogers.
You want to hear
a father story?
Here comes the lecture.
No. No lecture,
just a true story.
On my 10th birthday,
my father
takes me downtown
to go to the circus.
Wow. What a great story.
On the way downtown,
we drop my dog off
at the vet.
So, we go to the circus
and we have a great time.
I come home, and I go,
"Hey, where's Skippy?
They go, "Oh, we had
to put him to sleep."
I said,
"You mean he's dead?
You killed my dog?"
And he said, "Yeah.
He was sick.
That's why we brought him
to the vet."
And I said,
"Why did you have to do it
on my birthday?"
And he said,
"It was on the way."
Hmm?
What's the point?
What is the point?
The point...
The point is...
that parents...
screw up sometimes
and that they
don't mean it
and that they
make mistakes
because they're
human beings.
Doesn't mean that
they don't love you.
Doesn't mean that
they don't care.
It just means
that, uh...
they're doing
the best they can.
You know?
I can't eat
any more of this.
Don't worry.
I didn't understand
the story either.
That's OK.
What about
the Rolling Stones?
Yeah.
They're old.
How about Zeppelin?
They had a nice logo.
I mean, they were OK.
Oh, but Jimi Hendrix.
I mean, come on.
He was good,
but he's dead.
Speaking
of bad music.
Bad music. Oh, no, no.
You can't do it.
This was my band.
You can have
your Sugar Ray.
Sly and The Family Stone,
this was the band
I followed around.
Yeah.
Oh, feel that?
Uh-oh. Jack's
gonna funkify.
I want to,
I want to
Boom box: I wanna
take you higher
Watch out. It's
Denny Terrio's
Attorney Dance Party.
Get down and depose.
This is the worst
dancing I have
ever seen.
Everybody I know
dances like this.
You can't help
but wiggle your ass
when you listen
to Sly.
You're right, Jack.
Oh, wait a minute.
Hold on. Uh-oh.
I got my mojo.
There it is.
Uh-oh. Let it loose.
Watch out now!
Oh! Oh! Funky Chicken!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
When I was
in high school,
I had an afro
this big.
I don't believe you.
Oh, yeah. I needed help
lifting my head.
I looked like Buckwheat
in a wind tunnel.
I once
shaved my head
and glued
all the hair
to my ass.
Why?
Why?
Well, 2 special
brownies
and a quart
of tequila.
Ahh.
Yeah.
So you two,
you were, like--
you were, like, freaks.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I was
so stoned once,
everyone
sounded like
Johnny Mathis.
Eh eh eh...
When you're young,
you do some things
that, uh...
you're not
that proud of,
you know?
Yeah. We even got in a lot
of trouble sometimes.
You know?
Truth is, I'm in a lot
of trouble myself.
Does it have to do
with $5,000?
Scotty, we're not
here to judge.
Come on, tell us.
I stole that money.
OK.
From drug dealers.
What, are you nuts?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What are you doing?
Yelling like that doesn't
do anybody any good.
Just relax.
Sorry.
So, you give it
back to them.
Well, I spent it.
You spent it?!
He spent the money
from drug dealers!
That's not the way.
Breathe. Breathe.
You said I could
talk to you.
All right. OK.
Scott, you can't run
from these guys.
They'll find you.
They'll come
to your house,
take all your money,
and then beat
the shit out of you.
It happened to me
a couple of times.
Listen.
Let me talk to them.
I do this kind of thing
all the time. All right?
Why are you trying
to help me?
We're your fathers.
Come on.
Never had
to knock on wood
But I know someone
who has
which makes you wonder
if I could
It makes me
wonder if I
Never had
to knock on wood
And if I ever get...
Let's do this!
OK, I'm calling
in this big fat guy
from Jersey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where
are you going, speedy?
Kick some ass.
There will be
no ass kicking.
Do you understand that?
All right, let's go.
Come on.
What are you doing?
I'm coming with you.
You are not
coming with us.
Yes, I am.
I don't want you
with us.
They're crazy.
I want you to get
in the car.
Get in the car.
OK. Look,
I need water.
I'll get you
some water.
Listen, the phone
is right there.
Call your mother.
Tell her
that you're OK
and that you're
coming home.
All right?
All right.
Thanks.
We're gonna
kick some ass, Jack.
Get in the car.
Now.
OK, you ready, buddy?
If this is gonna work,
you have got
to calm down.
Calm down.
All right.
It's them!
Jack!
Jack! Dale!
Scheming little...
Jack.
Excuse me.
What's going on?
They're not
in the hotel.
He's gone.
In what sense?
In the sense that he
stole my rental car
and he left.
I have never felt
this stupid in my life.
Jack, you've never
been a parent
before.
Man.
Dale, this is way
too much trouble.
I can't do this.
I have a life.
You're not giving up?
Dale, good luck.
I mean that.
I'm sorry.
I got to go
call my wife
and tell her that
I'm coming home.
Jack.
No.
I know we've had
a few setbacks,
but we're great
together.
Oh, come on.
You'll never know
if he's your son.
You know what?
I don't even care.
Yeah, you do.
You care.
Yeah, you do.
Stop it.
Machine again.
She's never home.
Why have a house
if you're not
gonna live in it?
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Oh, you're there.
Carrie, listen.
Let me explain
everything.
Yeah, why don't
you go ahead?
Hi.
I got to go now,
honey,
because
you're here.
Ignore that message
when you get home.
This is your wife?
It's you.
Hi.
You know him?
He tried to pick me up
in an airport.
When?
No, I didn't.
This morning.
You were with me.
You were
on the phone.
So you picked up
on my wife?
I didn't know
she was your wife.
I just thought she
was a sexy woman.
Watch that.
This is your friend.
Yes.
Your shower buddy.
Yes?
No.
We were never
in the shower together.
No. The boy and I
were in the shower.
Yeah. He was
soaping him up--
And hosing him off.
And I was just watching.
That's all.
What boy?
17 years ago--
Would you stop?
Would you--
Can I just have
a private moment
with my wife, please?
Sorry.
Carrie, come here.
Um...
this whole thing...
is about a boy...
that I might be
the father of.
Carrie,
it's a long story.
There's a cab.
Taxi.
Sorry if I ruined
your life.
Oh, no. You haven't.
He wanted to come home,
and I kept pushing him.
It's all right.
Really. Don't worry.
OK, but it's
not his fault.
OK.
OK. Really,
it isn't.
Thanks. OK.
Take it easy.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Carrie, I'll just
be a second.
You know, even if
you find him again,
he's only gonna
spit in your face.
Maybe.
How is that gonna
make you feel, Dale?
You're very
successful.
So?
Wife,
your success,
they fill up...
areas.
What I'm trying
to say is...
I need this kid.
If he doesn't
want me around,
let him
turn me down.
Good luck, Dale.
Thanks, Jack.
Taxi!
Taxi!
Scott?
Uh, my car is there,
so you'll have
to go home,
and I'll follow.
Yeah. We can
work it out.
You can't be mad
that I had sex
with this woman
17 years ago.
You were
14 years old.
Do you have
a picture?
Of her? No.
Of the boy, Jack.
Yeah.
He's--he's handsome.
I guess, but
this kid is a major
pain in the ass.
He's so damn
annoying.
You don't like anything
that's annoying.
Who does?
No. I mean, that's a really
special thing for you.
Give me a break.
I've had a hard day.
Oh, you've had
a hard day.
Why should I
give you a break?
'Cause I don't
want to have this
conversation again.
We have never had
this conversation.
No, we have never had
this conversation,
but I have had
this conversation.
This is "The wives
of Christmas past"
conversation.
Would you leave Penelope
and Talullah out of this?
Iris and Debbie.
Whatever.
Why are you
so upset?
I am so upset
because I want to have
kids with you someday,
and what if this
was our son?
Would you
give up on him
because he was
so annoying?
His own father
gave up on him.
So what?
That's the guy
who raised him.
All I am is the guy
who, you know,
slept
with his mother.
Well, the other guy
who slept with his mother
is still out there
looking for him.
Dale?
Dale is a desperate
person
with an empty life.
He's not happy
like me.
Badge.
Badge?
No. You don't
understand.
I--I belong
back there.
Please. I just have
to get back there
right now.
Do you know who
you're talking to?
Do you know
who I am?
Who?
Dale Putley, OK?
And who are you?
I'm Bob.
Bob? Well, Bob,
if you don't
let me back there,
heads are
gonna roll,
and it's probably
gonna be yours, Bob.
You're not getting in
without a badge.
Do you know
who I am?
I am
the cowboy with the
Village People, Bob.
If I don't
get back there,
it's just gonna be
Y.M.- A., OK?
So, Bob, let me
back there,
all right?
Right now.
You're not getting in
without a badge.
OK.
A badge.
I can't get in
without a badge.
Jack! Oh!
OK.
Let's get in there,
all right?
Here's my badge,
Bob!
OK, you guys, listen.
The Muffs are off
in 10 minutes, OK?
We should be setting up
in about 5, all right?
That's the band.
Oh.
Come on.
Follow me.
What are we
going to do?
Hello, boys.
How are you?
Excuse me.
Can I help you?
Hey. Excuse me.
That's very funny.
I love when
it's funny.
Hi. Stu Gold
from the agency.
How can
I help you?
How can you help me?
You can say hello
to the biggest
record producer
this side of the lake.
This is, uh...
Gunther Uber Allen
from Deutsche Be-Bop.
Biggest record producer
in Europe.
Ja. Numero ein.
So, say hi to the guys.
This is Sugar Ray.
Sugar Ray?
Oh, der wunderkinder.
The boys in the bundt.
I think we met before,
dude.
Dusseldorf, maybe.
Klaus, how are you?
What's up mit you?
Hi, how are you?
Give me a high five.
Oh, that's
how it starts.
I love you mit,
eh...
Hitting mit
der strumming mit
die head slamming.
Who does
this guy record?
Oh, biggest producer
in Germany.
Records, uh...
The Cars.
Uh, Big Hairy Women.
Yeah, in America--
Boys 2 Women.
I have heard
about those guys.
Excuse me.
But if we have you,
we could take Europe.
We could take Europe
in what?
One month.
With air support.
Air play.
Air play.
Ja, that's better.
We could do that
for you.
You could have
the world!
Come on.
It's time to go.
Not here.
What do you mean?
Where is he?
I don't know.
Stick with the girl.
He'll be back.
Nikki, I'm sorry.
I need that pin back.
What pin?
Sorry, Nikki,
I need it back.
Scott.
Leave me alone.
Please, I need that pin.
Scott, what's wrong?
Why'd you steal the car?
You're not going home?
Here are the keys.
Just leave me alone.
Nikki,
can't we just talk?
Not now, Scotty,
I'm going to dance
on stage.
Hey, look, everybody's
tired of you. Enough.
Stop this.
This has gone on
long enough.
I thought
he was German.
Nikki, can you
do me a favour?
Explain to Scott that
which is painfully obvious
to everybody but him.
OK.
Thanks.
This is none
of your business.
Maybe, but you
need to hear this.
Nikki, he's not
gonna believe it
unless you tell him
yourself.
OK.
Well, Scotty,
you're boring.
I liked you
for a while,
but now I
can't stand
looking at you.
Even your voice
makes me sick.
It was lovely.
Yes, Hallmark
is waiting for you.
Thank you.
Hey, Scott, she's
not for you, son.
Scott: I feel like
such a loser.
Dale: Scott, come on,
you're 16.
To be a true loser takes
years of dedicated
ineptitude.
Trust me.
Jack: There will be
other girls, you'll see.
I know the truth hurts.
I'll tell you
what else hurts.
I trusted him,
and he steals the car.
Look, I didn't
steal it.
I don't want to talk
about it right now.
Oh, no.
No, no, get him
out of here.
Please, this man has
a major mime issue.
I'll hang you,
you white-faced creep.
Here, stop it.
Why don't you get
a real job, huh?
Build a real wall.
Stop it.
Would you just stop it?
Scotty?
Jack!
Jack, no!
We lost the boy.
Where did he go?
Get out of here!
All right,
we're not good at this.
You go that way,
I'll go this way.
OK.
Scott?
Yeah?
I thought you were
somebody else.
I'm Scott.
Hi. Hey, uh, you--
you want something?
You want
a nose-ring pierce?
N-no, thanks.
Another time.
Does that hurt?
Not the ones
in the face.
Ugh.
The--the one that
really hurts--
Yeah, I bet.
Scott!
Come on! Let's
take a little walk!
Get off of me!
Scott!
Excuse me!
Is there
a problem here?
Piss off!
Who are you?
I'm Scott's father.
Has he done
something wrong?
Yeah, he has,
actually.
He stole $5,000
from me.
He did?
Yeah.
Well, I assure
you, he will be
properly punished.
Young man,
stealing money
from drug dealers!
You are grounded,
mister!
All right, just get knotted,
wanker!
Gentlemen, have we
learned nothing
from the music
of John Lennon?
All we need is love.
No! All we need's money,
mate!
Oh!
Oh!
Do you have
an Advil?
Oh, it's you again.
You're dead, mate.
No, you are.
Ah!
Oh, boy!
You're doing it wrong!
I noticed.
The power comes from
your back! Watch.
Like this...
See? Let me
show you again.
Hey!
Who else wants
a piece of me?!
No! No!
Let's get 'em, boys!
I'll take you out!
I'll be there!
Bob:
Yeah, right here.
Listen, Calvin,
thanks for going
so far out of your way.
It's really above
and beyond the call.
Whoa-ho!
Look at this place.
You must have
robbed a bank at
some time or another.
Yeah. It's...
Scotty's probably
home by now.
I'm kind of nervous
about what to say
to him.
Listen, can I give you
just a little bit
of advice here?
Yeah.
Yeah, all right. Uh,
stop being so stiff, OK?
And lighten up
and take that pickle
out of your butt, boy.
Ha ha. OK.
Listen, listen...
It's not enough
to love him.
You gotta show him
you love him.
Give him a big old
bear hug.
Aah.
All right?
Listen, Calvin,
thank you.
All right.
Ain't nothin', man.
OK. Take care
of yourself.
I will. Listen...
I'll call you.
You got my number.
You got it.
This is for my fine.
This is for his fine.
This is for the boy's fine.
This is for getting the car
out of the impound.
This is for the fabulous
breakfast buffet that
we had this morning.
Are eggs
supposed to make noise
when you eat them?
Very funny.
Here's your
claim check
for your car.
And stay out
of trouble.
Yes, sir.
Thanks.
See you next year
at the reunion.
I go away for a minute
to make a phone call
and you buy
this T-shirt?
Look at this.
What's the big deal?
He wanted it.
You're going
to spoil him.
One T-shirt's
going to spoil him.
I like it.
What's the matter?
I'm afraid of flying.
Give me a minute.
No, no. Come--
this is not exactly
DNA evidence, OK?
Maybe.
Come on.
It'll be fine.
Let's go.
Don't--don't be
afraid, Scotty.
Hey, hey...
It's OK.
Just a couple
of bumps, Scotty.
You're doing great.
You're doing great.
It's OK. Breathe.
There you go.
Just breathe.
OK.
Thank you.
That's OK.
Hey, your
shoe's untied.
I got it.
I got it.
It's hard
with one hand.
There you go.
Scott.
Hi, dad.
Come in, man.
Come in. Are you OK?
Yeah.
Everything
all right? Huh?
Really?
Are you all right?
Really? You OK?
You had me
kind of worried.
Come here.
Oh, I'm--I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Bob.
Jack Lawrence, Bob.
Dale Putley.
Come on in.
Make yourselves at home.
Your mom's in the back.
Nice home.
Come on in.
What happened
to your arm?
A little accident.
Bob: Well, you won't believe
what happened to me.
Oh...
Bright.
What colour yellow
is this?
Baby...
Oh, sweetheart.
Collette: Oh, Scott.
Ohh...
Nice family.
Yeah.
Ahh!
Ahh!
Such a cute baby.
Ohh.
Hmm.
Look at this
little cowboy hat, huh?
Oh, I love this one.
I'm going to take that one.
You can't take that.
It belongs to them.
Yeah. You're right.
Look at that.
Do you understand
the situation?
Yeah, you, uh,
you told them both that
they were my father
so that they'd come
look for me, right?
Right.
I lied to them.
Well,
your mother--
both of us
wanted you back
so badly--
I understand.
I think it's time
I told them the truth.
Would you guys mind
if I told them?
You?
Well, I guess
I'm the reason
that everything
happened, right?
Where's, uh, Jack?
In the den,
calling his office.
You OK?
Everything...
all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, um...
I just talked
to my mom.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
She told me who
my real father is.
Who is it?
She says it's you.
Really?
She says she's sure.
Oh, God.
Come here.
Oh.
I knew the whirl--
Shh! Shh!
We should be--
we should be quiet.
I'm worried about Jack.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
You're right.
We shouldn't tell him.
Right.
It would break
his heart.
He seems tough,
but he's so fragile.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha.
It'll be our
little secret.
OK?
You know--you know, I was,
uh, I was thinking...
Maybe in a few years
I'll come to Berkeley.
Ohh, yes, son.
Yeah.
Hey...
Take photography.
Hmm?
Photography?
I just called
my office, and
good news--
everything went bad
without me.
It's not that funny.
No, no.
No, it isn't.
I'm going to go
call the airport,
see when the next flight
to San Francisco...
What's with him?
Oh, he just--
he told me a funny story.
Ho ho. Yeah.
Hee hee.
So you know,
I--I was talking
to my mom before...
Oh, yeah?
She told me who
my real father is.
Who?
You.
Me?
Wow.
Dale, I'm so happy.
Me, too, Collette.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Listen, Jack,
I--I really,
really appreciate
everything
you've done.
He told me.
Scotty...
Ha ha ha ha.
Jack, thank you.
Hmm. You're welcome.
Dale: Oh, boy.
OK. See ya.
Good-bye.
So...
Why don't you
come on in,
relax, have
a drink, or...
take a swim
if you want.
That's very sweet
of you, Jack,
but you know what?
I'll just come in,
call a cab, and...
head down
to the airport, OK?
Oh, OK.
You know what?
Take my car.
You're giving me
your car, Jack?
I mean, that's
so Elvis of you.
I mean, this is a big--
Not to keep.
No?
No. To take
to the airport.
Oh.
Yeah. You put it
in the overnight valet
and one of my
interns will get it
in the morning. Here.
Are you sure you want me
driving this car?
I mean, Jack...
It's just a thing.
Yes.
It's a car.
A car.
It's just a...
classic...
Mm-hmm.
irreplaceable...
car, that's all.
What's this dent?
Where?
Ha ha ha.
You mirth machine,
you.
Ha ha ha.
Ahh, boy.
Thanks, Jack.
We did good.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah.
Oh, Jack.
Let it out.
It's so healthy, Jack.
It's a breakthrough.
No.
What?
No. I'm cocking
around with you.
This is
what you look like,
you weepy bastard.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, Jack.
Ohh! Uhh!
Ohh, I love you!
Please.
My sternum.
Oh.
A little less gas.
It's not going
anywhere, Jack.
The brake's on.
OK.
You just go that way,
a left--
it's all
under control.
Ease off the clutch.
You won't get
that burning smell.
OK.
OK. Don't worry.
I'm not worried
at all.
I got it.
I'm an idiot.
I'm a big schmuck.
Hi.
You loaned Dale
your Jaguar?
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Jack...
Jack, how...
How did it go?
Scott told me
I'm his father.
Oh.
Wow.
Yep.
I feel good.
I feel terrific.
It's--it's, uh,
amazing.
Yeah.
It's wonderful news.
He was lying to me,
but I still feel great.
Wait, wait. What?
Oh. Right to my face.
Big-time lie.
How do you know?
Honey, I'm a lawyer.
People lie to me
all the time.
Oh. Yeah.
He's a sweet kid.
He lied to me because
he wanted me to feel good.
And I did.
Just the idea of being
somebody's father
made me feel wonderful.
Yeah?
So here's what
I'm thinking:
For the next one,
I'd like to be there
from the beginning.
Well, would I be
involved this time?
Oh, I hope so.
I mean,
from the beginning.
Hmm hmm-hmm hmm-hmm
Hmm-hmm hmm-hmm
Hmm hmm
Be-lee-lee deh-deh
Pow.
Hmm hmm-hmm hmm--
Oh...
Houston,
we have a problem.
Mayday.
Hi.
Hi.
Car problem?
Yeah.
Oh.
Phew.
Maybe I could be
of assistance.
Do you know anything
about cars?
Oh, yeah.
Somewhat of an expert
on cars.
Oh, terrific.
Well,
w-what do you think?
This one's
not working.
It's a rental.
I'm on my way
to the airport,
and I'm late.
Well, I'm on my way
to the airport.
I have a 4:00 flight
to San Francisco.
That's my flight.
Really?
Yeah--United.
321?
Right.
Oh. Me, too.
How richly bizarre.
Here we go.
I'm at your service.
It's a beautiful car.
Thanks.
I just got it.
There you go.
Everybody in?
Yeah.
Hi.
Oh...
I'm Virginia Farrell.
Dale Putley.
Hi.
Will anybody
be meeting you
at the airport?
Like a husband?
No. I'm--I'm
not married.
Oh. Me--me neither.
You have a boyfriend?
No.
Me neither.
Have you ever been
to the wine country?
No.
I've always
wanted to go.
Really?
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, yes!
Dale: Jack?
Yeah?
Guess who?
Oh.
You know how I hate
to fly, Jackie?
Where are you?
Somewhere on
the coast highway.
You shouldn't be
anywhere near
the coast highway!
I'm driving
to San Francisco.
In my car? No way.
I've got to do this,
Jack.
No, you don't.
The road is calling me.
I was born to be wild.
No, you weren't, Dale.
No. No wild.
I saw you swaying
to the rhythm of the music
Caught you playing
Caught you praying
to the voice inside you
I saw you
swaying there
I don't care
What you wanna be
I go back so far
I'm in front of me
It doesn't matter
what they say
They're giving
the game away
Hey
Hey
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
See it in
a different light
I can see
the world tonight
I heard you listening
to a secret conversation
You were crying
You were trying not
to let them hear you
I heard you listenin' in
Well, never mind
What they wanna do
You've got a right
To your point of view
It doesn't matter
what they say
They're giving
the game away
Hey
Hey
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
See it
in a different light
I can see
the world tonight
I can see
the world tonight
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
See it in
a different light
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.
AND NATIONAL CAPTIONING
He's just a young boy
Lookin' for a way
to find love
It isn't easy
Nothin' you can say
will help him
Find love
He's got to do it
For himself
And it can take
so long
He's just a young boy
Lookin' for a way
to find love
Find love
A perfect combination
Find love
Whatever you do
Find love
A cause
for celebration
And it might
come lookin'
Lookin'
Come lookin' for you
Yeah
Find love
In any situation
Find love
Whatever you do
Find love
A cause
for celebration
And it might
come lookin'
Lookin'
Come lookin' for you
He doesn't need
Another helping hand
from someone
But don't you think
He doesn't understand
what he wants
Someone
Though independence
means a lot
He's got
to still be strong
He's just a young boy
Lookin' for a way
to find love
Yeah
Find love
A time for meditation
Find love
A source
of inspiration
Find love
Instead
of confrontation
Find love
And love will come
Lookin' for you
I think that would be
excellent lawyering
on your part.
So, what do you think,
about 90 cents
on the dollar?
Jack?
90 cents on the dollar.
I think that would
be fair.
Uh, yeah.
Let's do this
after lunch, ok?
So how long
has it been?
17 years.
Wow.
Wow. Hello.
Yeah.
Hmm!
I suppose you're
married now, huh?
Yeah. 8 years.
Oh.
Yep, 4 years
for the first wife,
3 years
for the second wife,
and this one
a year so far.
How about you?
Yeah, I married
soon after we broke up.
Really?
Mm-hmm. Any kids?
No. No, no, no.
Not for me.
And you?
Uh, yeah. A son.
Scott. He's 16.
Wow.
He's yours.
Is that a joke?
Oh, no. He's your son.
My son?
Yes.
I just never
said anything
because by the time
I found out
I was pregnant,
we had broken up,
and I was in love
with Bob,
my husband.
I married him and...
he thinks Scott
is his.
How do you know
that he isn't?
Well, I know.
I know.
I did the math.
Well, not to demean
your math skills,
but don't you think
we should do this
the right way?
You know,
blood tests, DNA.
And why are you
telling me now
after all of this time,
by the way?
Scott ran away
2 weeks ago.
Bob...
The husband?
Yeah.
Scott and Bob
had a terrible fight.
Bob kept saying
he'd be back,
but it's--
it's been 2 weeks,
and we haven't...
Do you have any idea
where he went?
No.
He ran away
with this girl
he was seeing--
Nikki Trainor.
Her parents
are divorced.
Her father lives
in San Francisco.
He...
works in
a towing service.
Tip-Top Towing.
Tip-Top Towing?
Well, when we called,
he wouldn't even speak
to us.
He wouldn't even speak
to the police.
Do you have a picture?
Of Scotty?
Yeah.
Oh.
You can see
the resemblance,
right?
Well, it's the wrong
expression.
When he smiles,
he's you.
Do you have a picture
of him smiling?
Well, sorry.
I... I...
wish there was something
or anything that I could do.
You can find him.
Me? I don't find people.
I sue them.
To whom it may concern.
For years I've thought
about killing myself--
It's the only thing
that's kept me going--
but something
always held me back.
My writing.
Good-bye...
my life's work.
Au revoir, oeuvre.
Ciao, caca.
2 bullets
should be enough.
Aah!
Hello.
Who's this?
Collette?
Collette Richard?
Oh, my God.
How are you?
Oh, me?
Oh, I'm not bad.
Tomorrow?
Well, you know,
I made no plans.
It's one face.
Oh.
I have a son.
Oh, God.
Dale...
Ohh...
I'm ok.
Just tell me
about Scotty.
When can I see him?
Dale, Scott is missing.
My son is missing?
We think he's up here.
Here in San Francisco?
Since you live here,
and you were always
so understanding...
Oh, psychic sometimes.
But you really seem
to have a full plate.
Collette...
I know I seem a little...
fuzzy...
but I can focus.
Let me try this.
I can do it.
My son needs me.
Don't you worry, Scotty.
Daddy's coming.
Why didn't somebody
call me
before I left
Los Angeles?
Because we didn't know,
Jack.
My client showed up here
20 minutes ago
then said his cast
was too tight.
He was in terrible pain,
and he had to go home.
Terrible pain.
It's true. He'll be
all right by tomorrow.
Yes, but I am here
today.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Rose will book you
into a hotel overnight.
Where do you
like to stay?
My house, but it's
in Los Angeles.
Hello.
Jack: Hi, honey.
Oh, what's wrong?
Yeah, we have
a little problem.
I have to stay over
tonight. I'm sorry.
You gonna be ok?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
I'm just taking care of
stuff around the house.
All right.
I'll call you later. Bye.
Ok, bye.
Ok, let's see.
Do you have
a phone book?
Hi, Scott...
I'm your dad.
Hi, Scotty.
Oh!
Good firm handshake.
Scotty, how ya doin'?
Dude, I'm your old man.
I suppose
you're wondering
why your middle name
is Rainbow.
Yo, Scott.
What's up, homes?
You know, Scott,
when I was a boy
your age,
I was pulling on myself
harder than a tractor pull
in Arkansas.
I'm your papa
Your daddy
Your pal
You got to care for me,
you see?
I am your father.
Hug me...
and let us join
our spirits.
Mr Trainor?
What?
Hi, my name
is Jack Lawrence.
So?
So, I was hoping
that maybe you could
help me with something.
Have you seen this boy?
This again. Who are you?
I'm, uh...
I'm his father.
Well, what are you
bothering me for?
I already talked to
your wife on the phone.
Oh, no. She's not my wife.
She--she's--listen,
that's not even the point.
The point is I don't
know anything,
so get lost.
When was the last time
that you saw him?
Look, I'm tired
of this bullshit,
all right?
Now, just get the hell
out of here.
I'll get it. Hello?
Give me that.
No, he can't.
He's in a meeting.
What is wrong with you?
Hello? Listen, he can't
speak right now.
No, he's having
a lot of trouble
with his testicles.
I will tell him. Bye.
That was your mother
on the phone.
Come on, now.
There you go.
You're gonna be ok.
Sit there. All right.
All right.
All right.
Ok. Come on.
Everything's gonna be ok.
What were we talking about?
You know, I just--
oh, right, right, right.
Your daughter and my son.
Yeah, um...
All right, they were here
with a bunch of other kids.
Good. Good.
And?
And now they're gone.
And where did they go?
Nikki said something
about trying to get money
from my ex-wife and...
And she would be?
The lady that runs
the marina in Tiberon.
What's her name,
Bosco?
Shirley.
Shirley's marina.
Shirley's marina
in Tiberon.
Thank you very, very much.
Oh, excuse me.
Mr Trainor?
No, that's not me.
Oh, no?
Uh, he's in there.
Oh, thank you.
Ok. Ok.
Sheesh.
Hey, can I get a cab
out front?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, nice shot.
Thanks a lot.
Mr Trainor?
Yeah?
I hope I'm not catching you
at an inconvenient moment.
Ahem. I won't
waste an extra minute
of your valuable time.
Have you seen
this handsome boy?
Who--who are you?
Isn't it obvious?
I'm his father.
I understand that, uh,
he and your daughter are,
shall we say, an item.
Oh, they grow up so fast,
don't they?
I mean, one minute,
there you're going
"Who's the little boy?"
And the next minute
he's banging
your little girl.
May I sit down?
Sure.
So, how many fathers
does this kid have?
Oh...
No. I see.
No, the man you met
is not the real father.
I'm the real father.
See, it's a long story.
17 years ago,
we were biking
through the wine--
The mother and I were,
you know,
biking through
the wine country.
It began to rain
a little--
Please,
you answer the phone.
I'll finish my story
after.
Ow! What the--
Wait! I'm sorry!
Get the hell
out of here!
What's that all about?!
Oh!
My God!
That man is insane!
He just bludgeoned me
with a phone
for no reason!
He's a bad guy.
Are you ok?
I don't know.
Is there blood?
No.
Good.
I was just telling him
this lovely story
about me and a girl
biking through
the wine country.
Hey, those stories
aren't for everybody,
pal.
I guess not.
I have to talk
to him, though.
I'm trying to find
my son.
Your son?
Yeah.
He ran away.
Your son ran away?
Yeah.
So did mine.
How richly bizarre.
They could be together.
You think so?
He said there's
a whole group of them.
Dale Putley.
Jack Lawrence.
Do you know
where Tiberon is?
Jack: Dale, I feel like
I'm in a white Bronco.
Dale: I'm sorry.
I just get anxious
driving over bridges.
That's because you're
going 11 miles an hour.
I'm going 25 miles
an hour, Jack.
Yeah, I can feel
the g-force.
What?
What?!
Son--
Calm down.
I'm ok. It's just
all these people.
I don't like
a lot of people
or a lot of cars.
What do you do
for a living?
Well...
I teach English
as a third language
at the Jewish
Community Centre.
Excuse me!
I'm really sort of a...
writer at large.
I write and perform
poetry and plays.
Things from my soul.
Ah. Really?
Yeah.
But it's avant-garde.
Very experimental.
You mean like
with guinea pigs and--
you're not a mime,
are you, because I...
I used to be.
Oh, you did?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, what? No, please.
Nothing. Just...
Oh, no, no. Tell me.
It's ok. I can...
I hate them.
I see the mime on the street,
I want to kick him in the face,
I'll tell you.
Really?
You should
talk to somebody
about that, Jack.
They're annoying.
Really?
If I go out shopping
or something,
he's got a balloon,
it's like--
What do you do?
And I just want
to smack him.
What do I do?
I'm a lawyer.
Bloodsucker.
Uh, I'm sorry. What?
I didn't hear
what you said.
Right here.
The throat.
Sorry.
Dale?
What?
You missed the exit.
Oh, I what?
All this
pithy conversation,
and we missed the exit.
You have to go off
and come back around.
Ohh...
Oh.
Oh.
Dale!
What are you doing?!
What was that?!
Oh! I'm sorry.
I turn around,
and you blacked out!
I'm sorry.
What was that?!
In crisis situations,
I have these
anxiety attacks,
and I hyperventilate,
and I pass out
for a moment.
Sorry. I'm back.
Whew.
Jack: So have you
been driving long?
About 30 years now.
Oh, listen,
these things take time.
Here. Pull in here.
Yeah, brake, brake, br--
Perfect.
Anchovies. I gave you
the shrimp, right?
Yeah.
Here are the pile worms.
Gentlemen,
have a good time.
Catch some fish.
Mrs Trainor?
Yes.
Hi, my name
is Jack Lawrence.
Can I talk to you
for just a moment?
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, Pepe,
don't start on that till
I get over there, ok?
I'm Dale Putley.
How do you do?
Shirley: Fine.
What do you want?
It's about
your daughter Nikki.
Dale: Your ex-husband
told us to talk to you.
Oh, God.
What'd she do now?
Oh, we're not
looking for Nikki.
We're trying to find
our 2 boys.
Yeah, we think
that they're moving
in your daughter's
social circle.
Listen to me.
I don't know
where Nikki is.
Frankly,
I don't want to know.
But we're...
How'd you get her husband
to talk?
I head-butted him
in the face.
How Joe Pesci of you.
What are you gonna do
with her,
run her tits
through the Visa machine?
Hey, listen,
how about crying again?
Me?
Yeah. It might reach
her maternal thing.
Cry just like that?
You cried when we missed
the exit.
Don't mock me.
Listen, Chip--
Dale.
Dale.
You're an actor, right?
You're a performer.
Let's make believe
that it's a play--
A very sad play.
A tragic play.
You're a tragic hero.
You're...
You're Lou Gehrig.
Who's that?
Lou Gehrig.
Lou Gehrig.
Everybody
knows Lou Gehrig.
The baseball player.
He died of Lou Gehrig's
Disease.
Wow. What are the odds
on that?
Oh, boy.
Here's what I need:
I need tears,
and I need them quickly.
She's gonna come back.
Come on.
I'll try.
Do it.
Just need to find
something personal
from my past.
At the actor's studio,
they call it sense memory.
Wow.
Ok.
Ok.
Come on.
That's nice. Good.
Wow. That's fantastic.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm at my grandmother's
funeral.
Well, sorry
I wasn't there.
Oh, it was great.
Jack: Cut it out.
She's here.
Why are you still here?
Well...
What's wrong with him?
Him? He's...
He's upset.
He's distraught.
Crying?
Crying? He's weeping.
Why?
Why?
It's his son.
His son is his life.
His whole life.
You know, we come here
looking for help,
and you with your
big city ways,
you crush his last hope
of ever finding him again.
Y-yeah-ha-ha.
Ow... my boy, my boy.
I don't know.
Come on, you're ripping
his heart out.
Listen, my daughter
could get into trouble.
No, no.
We'll keep it private.
Strictly
in the family.
Yeah, from one parent
to another.
To another.
Whew.
They're probably
with Sugar Ray.
The boxer?
No, it's a rock band.
Nikki and some
of the other kids
travel all over
following them around.
Dale: They're in
San Francisco then?
Where are they playing?
They were, and then Nikki
came over a couple days ago
and said she was taking off
to Sacramento.
They're playing a club
called, uh, The Temple.
The Temple?
Yes.
In Sacramento.
Sugar Ray.
Thank you
very, very much.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Look,
if you see Nikki,
tell her to call me
if she needs anything.
At the risk of sounding
a little pretentious,
I want to share
with you
a line from one
of my unproduced plays.
Oh, no.
"The amazing thing
about a parent's love
"is that something
so large
can so often
go unseen."
That's beautiful.
Thank you.
Look, what do
they look like,
your sons?
If they were with Nikki,
I probably met them.
Do you have a picture?
Yeah. I have a picture.
Yeah, I did.
There he is.
Shirley:
Well, he's handsome.
Thank you.
This is my guy.
What is this, a joke?
Scott.
Scott.
That bitch!
That bitch!
Hello?
Jack: Collette?
Aah!
Guess who.
Yes, that's right.
Guess where I am.
No, I'm in San Francisco.
And guess who I'm with.
Oh, God.
I'll give you a hint.
Don't do that!
She got it in a second.
Wasn't even a pause.
Oh, thank you.
What the hell
is going on, huh?
How could you do this?
How could you tell us both
the same story?
Oh, I'm so hurt!
It's not a story.
Collette,
who is the father?
Is it me, Bob,
or...
Dale!
Dale?
Look, the truth
is I don't know, ok?
I knew all 3 of you
then.
Any of you could be
his father.
Please, just find him.
I mean, find him,
and we can settle it
later.
Oh, that really helps.
Good-bye.
What did she say?
She said
she's not sure.
You don't know
who Scott's father is?
When did you meet her?
At a baseball game.
Mm-hmm.
You?
Up here at Berkeley.
Ahh, Collette.
Oh, that accent.
Mmm.
Mouth.
I tell you,
she was just so...
Stimulating.
The first date...
I just stared at her
the whole night.
She was that stunning.
In the moonlight,
with that skin.
I didn't even touch her.
I took nude photographs
of her.
She posed nude for you?
Yeah.
It was photography class.
It was extra credit.
Wow.
All she ever did for me
was have sex.
Mmm. We did that, too,
but I've got some negatives.
Wow.
It was Berkeley.
You know.
I took nude pictures
of her,
she took nude pictures
of me.
Her roommate
took nude pictures
of the both of us.
Then I took nude pictures
of her and her roommate
wrestling on a slip-n-slide,
coming at me like...
Enjoy.
Francene?
Mm-hmm?
Excuse me, but, um,
this has cheese on it.
It's better
with cheese.
I'm not conducting
a poll.
You see,
I can't digest this.
Cheese is no longer
my friend.
If I eat this,
it's gonna be bad for me,
and pretty much
everybody else
on this side of the room,
so could you give me
another one?
Francene.
Mm-hmm?
Can you also
take this one,
and wrap both of them
to go, ok?
Oh, and the check.
Francene: Nothing would
give me greater pleasure.
Thank you.
Dale, where am I going?
Sacramento,
where our son is.
No, you don't
understand.
We don't know
what's going on.
She keeps telling us
different stories.
Why are we running off
there?
We don't know
who the real father is.
We won't know unless
we go there and find out
for ourselves.
Francene: Thank you.
Thank you,
Francene.
Pick it up, pick it up
Pick it up, pick it up
Aah!
What is the matter?
Will you do me a favour?
Will you look back there
and see if there's
a dead body in the road?
What?
Please.
No, there's nothing there.
There's not a body
lying in the road?
A what?
A body.
No.
Nothing there.
Oh, good.
I often think
that I've run
someone over.
But now
I'll be on MTV
A magazine
like Seventeen
Or Rolling Stone
or Mother Jones
Put it in my pocket
And my pic's
on your t-shirt, yeah
I hope he's here.
Don't worry, Jack.
Let me be your guide.
I know this world.
Oh, yeah?
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Let's split up.
No, Jack.
No, no, no.
You'll be fine.
You go that way,
I'll go this way.
No, Jack--
Just ask if
they've seen Scott.
Ask if
I've seen Scott.
Ok.
Ok?
Excuse me!
Pardon me!
Excuse me, have you
seen this boy? Um...
Have you seen this boy?
No.
No.
Have you--ohh!
Oh, my God!
Ow! Ow!
I'm sorry.
You all right?
No, I'm not all right.
Will you get it off?
All right.
It was an accident.
Ow! My nose! Ow!
I'm sorry.
Dale: Hello?
Have you seen
a young man named Scott?
He's my son!
Perfect. Have you
seen this boy?
You guys want him?
Oh, no!
Aah!
Oh, Jack! Oh, Jack.
All right, stop it.
That's him!
That's Scott!
My boy!
Get the gate!
Turn around, guys.
Oh, no, excuse me,
Mr Humongous,
but we've got to
get back to that boy.
Turn around!
Private area!
Hey, listen, let's make
it a semi-private area.
I really have
to get back there.
Don't make me have
to hurt you, old man.
Old man.
Old man?
Old man.
Come here, let me
tell you something.
What's that?
Let's go.
What?
Let's go.
Come on.
Oh, my God!
Ohh!
Oh, Scotty.
Everything's
all right.
I'm here. It's ok.
It's ok.
It's not him.
Who's this?
I don't know.
He's over here!
Call your father.
Come on!
Ok.
Is he all right?
We better get him up.
He's out cold.
Ohh! Oh, this guy's
in good shape.
Oh, that girl's
not for you.
Yeah, she's for
everybody else.
At least we know he ate.
Ok.
Yeah.
Get him out of here.
He's going to
catch pneumonia.
Jack: No, no,
he's ok, Collette.
No, I--I promise.
No, I'll--I'll, uh, I'll
tell you all about it
when I see you,
but, uh, what
we're gonna do is,
we're gonna bring him
back to the hotel in
San Francisco tonight,
and then we'll
bring him home tomorrow.
And then, Collette,
listen to me,
we have got to
work this thing out.
Ok. You're welcome.
I'll tell him. Bye.
She was happy, huh?
Oh, yeah, she was
happy and relieved.
You know, it's funny.
The first time I got drunk,
it was over a girl.
Yeah.
Yeah?
My first suicide attempt
was over a girl.
Are you joking?
You--you really--
No. I--I used to
be somewhat unstable.
Oh.
What happened?
Well, it was
in high school.
We were
doing a production
of The King and I.
Mm-hmm.
And my drama teacher,
Miss Manero,
stayed late one night
to show me that dance
that the king
does with Anna.
Oh, uh...
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?
Ba ba ba
Ba ba ba
Shall we dance?
1, 2, 3.
Well, she taught me
the dance,
and then she
showed me a part
that was obviously cut
from the original.
You made it with
your high school teacher?
Yeah.
You know,
I got to tell you.
I don't know what you have
to be depressed about.
You're taking nude
pictures of roommates,
you're humping
your faculty.
Your life is something
I'd be ashamed to rent.
But she dumped me.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, hey, look,
these things happen.
Is there--
There's nobody there.
Thank you.
Why don't you take
a plane in the morning?
No, that'd be too late.
It's--I'm his father.
I want to be there when
he wakes up.
If, you know, if I
drive straight through,
I can just make it.
You're still angry
at me, aren't you?
Actually, I'm--I'm
just angry at myself.
I should have been
the one to go after him
in the first place.
No, I just--I wanted
to give him a chance to
come home on his own,
and he didn't.
I love him and
I want him to know it.
Ok, I should go.
For the road.
Thanks.
Bob, when you see--when
you see Jack and Dale,
tell them how sorry
and ashamed I am
about what I did.
I just didn't think
I'd see Scotty again.
I'm sorry you
couldn't count on me.
Good evening,
Mr Lawrence.
How are you, Andre?
Nice to see you again.
Fine.
I got him.
It's ok. I got him.
Oh, wait, wait.
Can we...
May I help you?
We got him.
No, we're fine.
You're sure?
Absolutely.
Little man
had a big day. Ok.
Good evening,
Charles.
Anything we can
help you with,
Mr Lawrence?
Could you send
the valet to my room,
please?
Right away,
sir.
Thank you.
Here we go.
Good evening.
Oh, after you.
We'll take
the next one.
Ok.
Ohh!
Ohh!
Dale:
Oh, he's a mess.
Yeah.
Oh, my God!
What, fungus?
Look at his toes.
Look at his toes.
What am I missing?
Do you see how that
big one bends that way,
the little one
tucks itself underneath?
Uh-huh. You're
easily entertained.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, really?
Entertain this.
Huh?
What?
See, it's a match.
We have the same toes.
Millions of people
have toes like that.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Do you?
Yeah.
Oh, let's see.
No.
Take your shoes
and socks off.
No, I won't.
Get away.
Come on,
take them off.
Come on, let's see.
Let's see what
you've got there.
Come on, come on,
take them off.
No! Ow!
Let go!
Let me see.
I will sue you!
Yeah?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Uncle! Uncle!
Ha ha ha ha ha.
All right!
What?
Oh. Oh, I'm really sorry,
Dale. You don't match.
No match. You lose.
I'm the father. Ha ha.
Means nothing.
That's not proof.
Oh, toe-boy.
Check this out.
What?
The whirl.
The whirl?
The boy has a whirl,
just like I got one.
See, that's a whirl.
This is a curl,
that's whirl.
Do you have a whirl?
No.
No whirl.
You... are whirless!
Ha ha!
Thank you very much.
I go to a hairdresser,
I get a whirl.
Really? Well, I will
tell Jose maybe
to add some
more hair, ok?
Let me ask you
something, Whirly.
Ok, nothing
about sports.
Ok, when did--when did
Collette call you?
Uh...
Huh? When did she
talk to you about him?
Tuesday.
Oh, too bad.
That's it,
I'm the father. You lose.
But you go home with
some lovely parting gifts.
You get all that
from Tuesday?
How?
Yes.
Because she
saw me on Monday.
So?
So I wasn't
very co-operative,
so then she came to you.
I cannot believe
you did that with
an unconscious child.
Get the phone.
Get the phone.
Ow! Ohh!
Excuse me.
Hello?
Jack! Oh, finally.
Where have you been?
Uh, I was out.
Of course you were out.
I've been calling you
all night, Jack.
I mean, I was afraid
that you had been
killed or something.
No, no, no, I'm fine.
I'm absolutely fine.
I just had, uh,
something I had to do.
Carrie:
Where have you been?
Jack, soap!
Dale:
Some soap,
please.
Who is that?
No one.
What do you mean
no one?
Well, actually, honey,
it's--it's a friend.
I made a new friend.
Hello?
Valet.
Dale: I'm hosing
him down, Jack.
What--what
is that noise?
That's the shower.
You and your new friend
are taking a shower?
No, we're not--
I'm not in the shower.
Uh, he's in the shower.
And you're
watching him?
Somebody call
for a valet?
No--
It's like
wrestling flipper!
Excuse me,
I knocked,
but I guess you
didn't hear me.
Oh, he's so slippery.
I'll come back.
No, no, no, no, no.
Just--just--just--
The jacket is on the desk,
and I'll give you the pants.
Honey, hold on. I got
to take my pants off.
Don't call me honey.
No, not you. Honey,
hold on just a sec.
No, I'm not
going to hold on.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Carrie: You pick
up this phone!
Pick up the phone!
Pick up the phone,
Jack!
How's everything
at the house? All right?
Oh, Jack!
He's gonna blow!
What is go--
What was that noise?
Carrie, you
are confusing me.
I'm very tired.
Explain to me
what is going on there.
Honey, listen,
it's--it's very
complicated, ok?
He's soaking wet!
Get over here!
Dry his toes!
Honey, I have to go.
I have to help him
towel off the boy.
What boy?
Bye.
That went well.
Ohh!
There you go.
Did you have to
talk all the time?
Oh, excuse me, but
I was in there all alone!
Why couldn't you
respect my privacy?
I'm trying
to clean up our boy.
He's weeping.
Now he's weeping.
This is great.
Why'd we bother putting
him in the shower?
You just could
have wept on him.
Bob: Ok.
Ohh!
Oh.
God!
15 minutes till I
take this deposition.
Where the hell is he
with my suit?
Jack, look at this.
That's money. I remember
that from when I was single.
It's $5,000.
I was cleaning out
his pants and I found
it in the pockets.
$5,000 in cash.
What's he doing with
$5,000 in cash?
He stole it.
Why do you
leap to the worst
possible conclusion?
Ok, he won it
in a hair whirl
contest.
That's my suit.
Here's your suit.
Thank you. Oh, wait,
wait, wait. Here.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, I didn't
see a thing.
Get out of here.
Jack, you took $20
of the boy's money.
Just 20.
I'm going to
keep track of that.
You owe him $20.
Jack owes 20.
Dale?
What?
He's getting up.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Who are you?
I'm Dale Putley.
I'm Jack Lawrence.
We're--
Friends.
Right. Of your mother.
Wh-where am I?
San Francisco.
The Mark Hopkins Hotel.
Beautiful day
out there.
You had a big night
last night.
Oh, boy.
You were...
Ha ha ha.
Where's Nikki?
Oh, Sacramento.
Forget her.
I wouldn't
worry about her.
What'd you do with my cl--
my clothes?
Well, you--you
were very sick and--
Listen,
don't be scared.
Look, I just want
my clothes, and I want
to get out of here.
You can't keep me here.
It's illegal.
Now, take
it easy, ok?
We got to tell him.
I guess so.
What?
What?
Scott, sit down.
Please?
Come on.
Dale:
We've got a little
surprise for you.
Come on.
Have a seat.
Do you mind
if I tell him?
Fine.
Scott--
17 years ago,
your mother and I
were pedalling through
the wine country.
It began to rain.
It was more of a mist.
It was
so romantic.
I don't have time
for the wine country saga
right now, ok?
Fine.
Scott...
What I'm
about to tell you
may sound
a little bit--
Bizarre.
Unusual.
Unbelievable,
actually.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, this is the truth,
as best as we know it.
One of us--
Either one.
Either one.
Whatever. Sorry.
Scott, one of us
might be...
your father.
I know. It
sounds crazy
to us, too,
but, you see--
17 years ago,
we--we both...
Your mother.
And there's
a debate now
as to who your--
Father is.
Yeah,
it's the truth.
This is bullshit!
No, no,
it's true.
You can
call your mother.
She'll tell you.
Oh...
Hello?
Your car's here.
Yeah. Listen,
I have to go.
Now?
Yeah.
I have a deposition
in 15 minutes.
What the hell
are we gonna do?
About what?
Yeah.
About what?
About the fact
that I'm leaving
him alone with you.
Oh, why don't you do
the old headbutt?
That way he'll
be sprawled out
on the floor
when you come back.
All I'm saying is, are
you gonna be ok with him
if I leave you?
Well, I'm a lot more
capable than you
think I am.
Where's my money?
Yeah, don't worry--
I got it.
Give me my money.
That's my money!
I want it right now!
Back off, skippy, or
I'll call the cops!
Hey! Let's just
take it easy, ok?
I'm sorry.
Calm down.
All right?
What?
Come here.
Give me the money.
No.
Give me the money.
As a parent,
I disagree with
your approach.
Thank you.
Here's the money.
No, we're just going
to put it right here
for safekeeping.
Ok?
You'll see.
I have got to go out.
And when I
come back, we'll--
we'll talk about this.
We'll all get
to know each other,
and you'll see,
it won't be so bad, ok?
Order anything you want
from room service.
It's on me.
Whoa! That's a biggie!
Hey, Jack...
Oh, boy.
Morning.
Beautiful day,
ain't it?
Oh, yeah,
perfect so far.
My guy's out with
the truck right now.
Soon as he gets back,
we'll get your car.
Ok, great.
I gotta call my wife.
Any men's room?
We use a port-a-potty.
It's out back.
Ain't it something
How the way things go?
Ain't it something
Ain't it something
Ain't it something
The way things go?
Everything ok?
Oh, yeah.
Ain't it something
How the way things go?
Ain't it something
How the way things go?
Hey!
Whoa! Aah!
Ohh!
Ow!
Ohh!
Help!
Oh, my God!
Help!
Whoa! This is not good.
Are you ok?
No, it's horrible!
It's an accident,
I swear.
I don't care!
I'll get help.
And then I wrote
my medical musical comedy.
It was called:
Hello, Doctor,
It's Still Swollen.
Catchy, huh?
It had a great
opening number.
Oh, uh, it was
called Hindsight.
And, my--
you know, the audience
was all out there
and we went...
Hello, Mr Colon
My prostate's
feelin' swollen
I think that
thing's are flowin'
Not so well
Breakfast. Ha ha.
I'm feelin'
kind of heinous
'Cause there's
something in my--
Good morning.
Come on in.
Here's your breakfast.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Mmm! Yum! Yum!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Here we go.
Let's see
what we have here.
Belgian waffles,
all the way from Brussels.
Granola, nature's broom.
15%, but I'm not paying,
so $20 tip.
Waiter:
Very good, sir.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
Oh, look, come on.
I saw that.
Mr Dimples.
He's trying to
make an appearance.
Come on.
Gray skies
are gonna clear up
Sit on a happy face
That's the way
my mother used to sing it.
But that's another story
and a lot of therapy.
Ooh.
Actually,
I am pretty hungry.
Thanks for
ordering breakfast.
You're welcome. Hey...
You probably need it
after last night.
You want some coffee?
Thank you.
Aren't you
a little gentleman.
Aah!
Aah!
Ow!
Ow! Ohh!
Oh, God! Ohh!
You little shit!
May you rot in hell!
Oh, my testicles!
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh. Ohh.
Ah, Woolite!
Ow! Ow!
Good morning.
Aah!
Oh! Oh, sorry.
It's all right.
I'll stand, you go.
Fine.
Ok.
Oh, excuse me.
Good afternoon.
Jack?
Jack?
Jack--
Uh, excuse me. Hi.
Yes, good morning.
How are you?
Good morning. I'm fine.
Do you know anything
about the man who was
staying in this room?
I was paid to keep
my mouth shut, lady.
No, no, no, no,
look, I'm his wife.
Lady, I don't want to get
in the middle of it, ok?
What?
The middle of what?
If it's any comfort,
I've seen worse.
Bob: Help!
All right, hold on.
I'm coming, pal.
Bob: Ok.
Oh, man, does that stink!
Just get me out.
It's terrible in here.
Hey, you know,
it'd been a lot easier
if you'd landed
with the door on top.
Next time.
Ohh. Ohh.
Hey, don't worry about it.
We got a winch right here.
We're gonna lift the whole
thing just right up.
Just hurry. I'm trying
to help my son.
Oh, my God!
Is he in there, too?
Bring 'em up!
Nice and easy!
You're looking real good.
You all right in there?
We'll get--whoa!
Ok.
Bob: Aah! Ohh!
Ow!
Oh, God!
Ooh!
Mr. Barmore, when you invested
your client's money in this --
car wash restaurant--
Wax and Waffles, yeah.
What about it?
Did you inform them
that it was owned by
your own brother
and that his
last 3 businesses
had gone bankrupt?
Only one went bankrupt.
Excuse me.
2 were acts of God.
Acts of God. That would
be the fire and the enormous
gasoline explosion,
both occurring in
the middle of the night?
The fact
that they occurred in
the middle of the night,
that's, uh, coincidence.
Yeah, the Lord works
in mysterious ways.
Jack, the sarcasm
isn't necessary.
Yes?
I'm really sorry,
but there's someone here
who says he has to
see Mr Lawrence.
Who is it?
I don't know, but he
looks a little strange,
and... he's...
um...
Weeping?
Then it's for me.
Excuse me just a second.
All right, why don't
we take a break?
You're doing great.
Jack?
Ohh.
What happened?
He poured hot coffee
all over my penis,
took my clothes,
and he ran away.
Don't cry.
Now, where is he?
I don't know.
I don't like you.
Don't.
OK.
Thank you.
Yeah, hi.
Is Jack Lawrence there?
I believe he's
taking a deposition.
This is his wife.
Um, do you wanna
get me a cab, please?
Thanks. What?
Reno? What? What
are you talking about?
Why--why is
he going to Reno?
Well, I--would you have
that flight information?
Dale: A rock festival
in Reno? I'm psyched.
Jack: I know.
It's awesome.
Shouldn't we
call Collette?
And tell her
we lost her son? No.
Oh, my batteries are dead,
and I have to talk to Carrie.
Well, use the pay phone.
We have time.
All right, I'll
be right over there.
I'll just be a second.
What?
Jack, I got
to get a new shirt.
I mean, you know,
this one's really--
Can I have $20?
Look, I'm not a mad
terrorist. I'm his wife.
I just want to see if my
husband is on the plane.
I'm sorry.
It's a strict FAA rule.
I can't give out
that information.
All right, then,
Miss Tweesbury,
I'll just buy a ticket
for the plane.
OK, you have to
do that downstairs.
What? OK. Well, thanks
a lot for your help.
Really appreciate it.
How the hell
I'm supposed to
make this flight.
It leaves in 5 minutes.
Ohh! Oh.
My purse.
You OK?
I'm fine.
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm OK.
Have we met?
No, I don't think so.
May I just say
if springtime
had a face,
it would be you.
I'm--I--that's swell.
I'm in a hurry.
Bless you.
It's from one of
my longer poems.
It's called
Cupid's Shaft.
Dale. Dale, come on.
I just had a vision.
Me, too.
That is a bad shirt.
You don't like it?
What's wrong.
No.
It's fine. Come on.
Well, what?
Call your wife?
Yeah, but she's
not there.
Besides, what
can I tell her?
If he's not my son,
why bring it up?
And if he is my kid,
then it's not how
I want to tell her.
You care
about her a lot.
I can tell.
She's great.
I love her a lot.
She's my favourite wife.
It's not even close.
And I don't want
to do anything
to screw it up.
How come you don't
have any children?
Well, the first 2 times
I was married,
I wasn't ready.
Then I thought
I was ready,
but I wasn't married.
And now Carrie and I are
married just a year,
so it's new, you know?
Jack.
What?
There's something
I should tell you.
What's that?
I'm somewhat
of a reluctant flyer.
Agent: You can go
right on board,
thank you.
Thank you.
Are you
a frequent flyer?
Because there's a new
mileage deal here.
You can apply today
for mileage plus.
Then you can get
a credit card
and you can get
a free mile
for every dollar
that you charge.
I think that's
a great deal.
Oh, God!
Just hold me!
That's a very good deal,
as a matter of fact.
Sir, take a big sip
of this.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You'll be
all right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, that's
pretty disgusting.
Well, we'll get
you cleaned up
real good there.
Turn around here.
Whoo. Let me
get in there.
You got a little
on your back here.
Turn around.
Come on.
Come on,
turn around.
There you go.
It's a miracle
that you didn't get,
like, really hurt
in that thing.
That went down
like a--
You know, I should
call my wife.
Now wait a minute.
Hold on.
Let me just get
your ear there.
You got
something in there
you really don't want
in there. Hoo!
Oh, here. Here's
some britches for you.
Hank gave you these.
There you go.
You'll be all right.
You got a little shit
there on your back.
Whoo! I'll get it.
Simmer down
Don't you hear
what I say?
Simmer down
Simmer and simmer
Long time, people
used to say
Watch the money go
It's runnin' away
Simmer down
You workin' too hard
So simmer down...
Hey, Scotty. I thought
we lost you.
No. I just had
some stuff--
You know what,
have you seen
Nikki around?
Yeah. We're
all crashed in 215.
She's up there
right now?
Yeah.
Look, I really wanted
to surprise her.
Could I borrow
your key?
Yeah, all right.
Thanks.
Oh. Matt and Lee
are looking for you.
They're here?
Oh, yeah.
Come on, man.
Open the door,
man.
Nikki?
Yeah. In here.
Hey.
Hey. I made it.
I thought maybe you
went home or something.
No. Um...
Nikki, what's
going on?
What do you mean?
I mean with you
and Mark.
I don't know.
Do you still like me?
Yeah, Scott.
I got you something.
What is it?
Open it.
Wow. Cool.
They're real diamonds.
I thought it might
look nice on you.
It cost $4,700.
Whoa.
Come on, let's do it.
Please, come on.
Please, please.
Oh, come on.
Back off!
I'm playing
that one, too.
Oh!
OK. I know the hotel
where the band
is staying.
I got directions.
We can be there
in 5 minutes.
Yeah, yeah.
Hello.
Yeah.
We're looking
for a kid, remember.
Oh, yeah.
OK, come on.
What is this outfit?
What?
I lent you $200,
and look at you.
You look like
Howdy Doody.
What is this?
It only cost
$110, Jack.
Oh. Where's my change?
It's in one
of these machines.
You put my money
in these machines?
Yeah. Ohh...
Damn you!
Jack, there's got to be
a blood bank open somewhere.
They give cash,
don't they?
Let's go.
OK.
Hey, guys.
Hello, Snot.
Surprised
to see us, Snot?
No.
I think
you are, mate.
No. I was
coming down here
to look for you.
Oh, really?
Listen, Scott...
where's the stuff?
Stuff?
Hello. The stuff.
Look, we gave you
a simple little job.
I mean, any moron
could do it,
even Matt here.
Matt: Even me.
Yeah. In fact, if
I'm not mistaken,
you asked
for the job, right?
So now,
where's the stuff?
The guy--
he didn't show up.
No, no.
See, he called,
and you didn't show up.
No. I waited.
Look, let's
go over it.
I was supposed
to stand right by--
All right. You didn't
get the stuff, huh?
So, where's the money?
The money is--
Our money!
The $5,000.
Where is it?
It's safe--
It's in a safe.
It's in a safe,
mate.
It's at the hotel
where I'm staying.
It's by the airport.
I'll go get it.
Oh, really?
Excuse me, but, uh...
do I have "asshole"
tattooed on my forehead
or something?
No.
All right. Well, I think
we all better go get it.
Hey? Yeah?
Like a date.
Come here.
You're not bullshitting us,
are you, Scotty?
Because if you're
bullshitting us,
I'm gonna
kill you.
Watch your step
here, mate.
Hey!
Get back here!
Wait until
I catch you!
Move!
Jack: I see this
all the time.
A rich kid
running wild.
Probably got
an expensive car,
running around town.
There's
no discipline.
Bob gives him
no control,
no boundaries.
Now Bob has no kid.
Oh, really? Well,
I think it's probably
exactly the opposite.
Really.
The kid needs compassion.
He needs attention.
He needs a big hug.
You know what
this kid needs?
What this kid needs
is a great big--
Aah!
I hit someone.
Yeah. It's not at all
like I imagined it.
Oh, God!
It's Scott!
My arm!
Scott, are you
all right?
Are you OK?
Please call 911!
Calm down.
You hit our son!
It was an accident.
Shut up!
Did you call the hotel
in San Francisco?
Well, no, they must
be driving back.
No. I'm sure he's fine.
No, I'm OK.
No, I'm all right.
Yeah.
No. I'm driving
back right now.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
No. I--I love you.
OK.
He's gonna kill us.
Oh, God.
Can you fix
the tyres?
Yeah, well, we can
fix the tyres.
But...
What?
Well, he cracked
the axle
when he towed
the car back.
But don't worry.
We can fix it...
in a day or so,
maybe.
The doctor
says he's fine--
a simple break--
and he gave him
a prescription
in case there's
any pain.
He's in there.
You can go in.
Thanks a lot.
I didn't--
The--
It's been a long day.
Yeah. I'm--
How you feeling?
Thanks.
Scott.
Scott.
Hey, come over here.
Hey, Scott.
Scott.
Scott, I'm sorry.
You ran me over.
It was an accident.
Yeah, I know you both
might be my father,
but just leave me alone.
What the hell was
my mother anyway,
some kind of whore?
Hey! Watch your mouth.
Your mother was somebody
that we both cared
a lot about.
And she cares
a lot about you.
You know how
lucky you are
to have that?
Maybe, but--
You know,
you have no idea
what my father's like.
So, tell us.
Yeah. Nikki's the first girl
that I ever loved,
but my father
doesn't care.
He wouldn't let me
see her anymore.
He said, "She's bad news.
She's a tramp."
He said he's putting
his foot down.
Blah blah blah blah.
I mean, he never
lets me explain.
It's like,
for absolutely
no reason,
he'll just take
my car away.
You have a car?
Yeah.
Scott, your father
is Mister Rogers.
You want to hear
a father story?
Here comes the lecture.
No. No lecture,
just a true story.
On my 10th birthday,
my father
takes me downtown
to go to the circus.
Wow. What a great story.
On the way downtown,
we drop my dog off
at the vet.
So, we go to the circus
and we have a great time.
I come home, and I go,
"Hey, where's Skippy?
They go, "Oh, we had
to put him to sleep."
I said,
"You mean he's dead?
You killed my dog?"
And he said, "Yeah.
He was sick.
That's why we brought him
to the vet."
And I said,
"Why did you have to do it
on my birthday?"
And he said,
"It was on the way."
Hmm?
What's the point?
What is the point?
The point...
The point is...
that parents...
screw up sometimes
and that they
don't mean it
and that they
make mistakes
because they're
human beings.
Doesn't mean that
they don't love you.
Doesn't mean that
they don't care.
It just means
that, uh...
they're doing
the best they can.
You know?
I can't eat
any more of this.
Don't worry.
I didn't understand
the story either.
That's OK.
What about
the Rolling Stones?
Yeah.
They're old.
How about Zeppelin?
They had a nice logo.
I mean, they were OK.
Oh, but Jimi Hendrix.
I mean, come on.
He was good,
but he's dead.
Speaking
of bad music.
Bad music. Oh, no, no.
You can't do it.
This was my band.
You can have
your Sugar Ray.
Sly and The Family Stone,
this was the band
I followed around.
Yeah.
Oh, feel that?
Uh-oh. Jack's
gonna funkify.
I want to,
I want to
Boom box: I wanna
take you higher
Watch out. It's
Denny Terrio's
Attorney Dance Party.
Get down and depose.
This is the worst
dancing I have
ever seen.
Everybody I know
dances like this.
You can't help
but wiggle your ass
when you listen
to Sly.
You're right, Jack.
Oh, wait a minute.
Hold on. Uh-oh.
I got my mojo.
There it is.
Uh-oh. Let it loose.
Watch out now!
Oh! Oh! Funky Chicken!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
When I was
in high school,
I had an afro
this big.
I don't believe you.
Oh, yeah. I needed help
lifting my head.
I looked like Buckwheat
in a wind tunnel.
I once
shaved my head
and glued
all the hair
to my ass.
Why?
Why?
Well, 2 special
brownies
and a quart
of tequila.
Ahh.
Yeah.
So you two,
you were, like--
you were, like, freaks.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I was
so stoned once,
everyone
sounded like
Johnny Mathis.
Eh eh eh...
When you're young,
you do some things
that, uh...
you're not
that proud of,
you know?
Yeah. We even got in a lot
of trouble sometimes.
You know?
Truth is, I'm in a lot
of trouble myself.
Does it have to do
with $5,000?
Scotty, we're not
here to judge.
Come on, tell us.
I stole that money.
OK.
From drug dealers.
What, are you nuts?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What are you doing?
Yelling like that doesn't
do anybody any good.
Just relax.
Sorry.
So, you give it
back to them.
Well, I spent it.
You spent it?!
He spent the money
from drug dealers!
That's not the way.
Breathe. Breathe.
You said I could
talk to you.
All right. OK.
Scott, you can't run
from these guys.
They'll find you.
They'll come
to your house,
take all your money,
and then beat
the shit out of you.
It happened to me
a couple of times.
Listen.
Let me talk to them.
I do this kind of thing
all the time. All right?
Why are you trying
to help me?
We're your fathers.
Come on.
Never had
to knock on wood
But I know someone
who has
which makes you wonder
if I could
It makes me
wonder if I
Never had
to knock on wood
And if I ever get...
Let's do this!
OK, I'm calling
in this big fat guy
from Jersey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where
are you going, speedy?
Kick some ass.
There will be
no ass kicking.
Do you understand that?
All right, let's go.
Come on.
What are you doing?
I'm coming with you.
You are not
coming with us.
Yes, I am.
I don't want you
with us.
They're crazy.
I want you to get
in the car.
Get in the car.
OK. Look,
I need water.
I'll get you
some water.
Listen, the phone
is right there.
Call your mother.
Tell her
that you're OK
and that you're
coming home.
All right?
All right.
Thanks.
We're gonna
kick some ass, Jack.
Get in the car.
Now.
OK, you ready, buddy?
If this is gonna work,
you have got
to calm down.
Calm down.
All right.
It's them!
Jack!
Jack! Dale!
Scheming little...
Jack.
Excuse me.
What's going on?
They're not
in the hotel.
He's gone.
In what sense?
In the sense that he
stole my rental car
and he left.
I have never felt
this stupid in my life.
Jack, you've never
been a parent
before.
Man.
Dale, this is way
too much trouble.
I can't do this.
I have a life.
You're not giving up?
Dale, good luck.
I mean that.
I'm sorry.
I got to go
call my wife
and tell her that
I'm coming home.
Jack.
No.
I know we've had
a few setbacks,
but we're great
together.
Oh, come on.
You'll never know
if he's your son.
You know what?
I don't even care.
Yeah, you do.
You care.
Yeah, you do.
Stop it.
Machine again.
She's never home.
Why have a house
if you're not
gonna live in it?
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Oh, you're there.
Carrie, listen.
Let me explain
everything.
Yeah, why don't
you go ahead?
Hi.
I got to go now,
honey,
because
you're here.
Ignore that message
when you get home.
This is your wife?
It's you.
Hi.
You know him?
He tried to pick me up
in an airport.
When?
No, I didn't.
This morning.
You were with me.
You were
on the phone.
So you picked up
on my wife?
I didn't know
she was your wife.
I just thought she
was a sexy woman.
Watch that.
This is your friend.
Yes.
Your shower buddy.
Yes?
No.
We were never
in the shower together.
No. The boy and I
were in the shower.
Yeah. He was
soaping him up--
And hosing him off.
And I was just watching.
That's all.
What boy?
17 years ago--
Would you stop?
Would you--
Can I just have
a private moment
with my wife, please?
Sorry.
Carrie, come here.
Um...
this whole thing...
is about a boy...
that I might be
the father of.
Carrie,
it's a long story.
There's a cab.
Taxi.
Sorry if I ruined
your life.
Oh, no. You haven't.
He wanted to come home,
and I kept pushing him.
It's all right.
Really. Don't worry.
OK, but it's
not his fault.
OK.
OK. Really,
it isn't.
Thanks. OK.
Take it easy.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Carrie, I'll just
be a second.
You know, even if
you find him again,
he's only gonna
spit in your face.
Maybe.
How is that gonna
make you feel, Dale?
You're very
successful.
So?
Wife,
your success,
they fill up...
areas.
What I'm trying
to say is...
I need this kid.
If he doesn't
want me around,
let him
turn me down.
Good luck, Dale.
Thanks, Jack.
Taxi!
Taxi!
Scott?
Uh, my car is there,
so you'll have
to go home,
and I'll follow.
Yeah. We can
work it out.
You can't be mad
that I had sex
with this woman
17 years ago.
You were
14 years old.
Do you have
a picture?
Of her? No.
Of the boy, Jack.
Yeah.
He's--he's handsome.
I guess, but
this kid is a major
pain in the ass.
He's so damn
annoying.
You don't like anything
that's annoying.
Who does?
No. I mean, that's a really
special thing for you.
Give me a break.
I've had a hard day.
Oh, you've had
a hard day.
Why should I
give you a break?
'Cause I don't
want to have this
conversation again.
We have never had
this conversation.
No, we have never had
this conversation,
but I have had
this conversation.
This is "The wives
of Christmas past"
conversation.
Would you leave Penelope
and Talullah out of this?
Iris and Debbie.
Whatever.
Why are you
so upset?
I am so upset
because I want to have
kids with you someday,
and what if this
was our son?
Would you
give up on him
because he was
so annoying?
His own father
gave up on him.
So what?
That's the guy
who raised him.
All I am is the guy
who, you know,
slept
with his mother.
Well, the other guy
who slept with his mother
is still out there
looking for him.
Dale?
Dale is a desperate
person
with an empty life.
He's not happy
like me.
Badge.
Badge?
No. You don't
understand.
I--I belong
back there.
Please. I just have
to get back there
right now.
Do you know who
you're talking to?
Do you know
who I am?
Who?
Dale Putley, OK?
And who are you?
I'm Bob.
Bob? Well, Bob,
if you don't
let me back there,
heads are
gonna roll,
and it's probably
gonna be yours, Bob.
You're not getting in
without a badge.
Do you know
who I am?
I am
the cowboy with the
Village People, Bob.
If I don't
get back there,
it's just gonna be
Y.M.- A., OK?
So, Bob, let me
back there,
all right?
Right now.
You're not getting in
without a badge.
OK.
A badge.
I can't get in
without a badge.
Jack! Oh!
OK.
Let's get in there,
all right?
Here's my badge,
Bob!
OK, you guys, listen.
The Muffs are off
in 10 minutes, OK?
We should be setting up
in about 5, all right?
That's the band.
Oh.
Come on.
Follow me.
What are we
going to do?
Hello, boys.
How are you?
Excuse me.
Can I help you?
Hey. Excuse me.
That's very funny.
I love when
it's funny.
Hi. Stu Gold
from the agency.
How can
I help you?
How can you help me?
You can say hello
to the biggest
record producer
this side of the lake.
This is, uh...
Gunther Uber Allen
from Deutsche Be-Bop.
Biggest record producer
in Europe.
Ja. Numero ein.
So, say hi to the guys.
This is Sugar Ray.
Sugar Ray?
Oh, der wunderkinder.
The boys in the bundt.
I think we met before,
dude.
Dusseldorf, maybe.
Klaus, how are you?
What's up mit you?
Hi, how are you?
Give me a high five.
Oh, that's
how it starts.
I love you mit,
eh...
Hitting mit
der strumming mit
die head slamming.
Who does
this guy record?
Oh, biggest producer
in Germany.
Records, uh...
The Cars.
Uh, Big Hairy Women.
Yeah, in America--
Boys 2 Women.
I have heard
about those guys.
Excuse me.
But if we have you,
we could take Europe.
We could take Europe
in what?
One month.
With air support.
Air play.
Air play.
Ja, that's better.
We could do that
for you.
You could have
the world!
Come on.
It's time to go.
Not here.
What do you mean?
Where is he?
I don't know.
Stick with the girl.
He'll be back.
Nikki, I'm sorry.
I need that pin back.
What pin?
Sorry, Nikki,
I need it back.
Scott.
Leave me alone.
Please, I need that pin.
Scott, what's wrong?
Why'd you steal the car?
You're not going home?
Here are the keys.
Just leave me alone.
Nikki,
can't we just talk?
Not now, Scotty,
I'm going to dance
on stage.
Hey, look, everybody's
tired of you. Enough.
Stop this.
This has gone on
long enough.
I thought
he was German.
Nikki, can you
do me a favour?
Explain to Scott that
which is painfully obvious
to everybody but him.
OK.
Thanks.
This is none
of your business.
Maybe, but you
need to hear this.
Nikki, he's not
gonna believe it
unless you tell him
yourself.
OK.
Well, Scotty,
you're boring.
I liked you
for a while,
but now I
can't stand
looking at you.
Even your voice
makes me sick.
It was lovely.
Yes, Hallmark
is waiting for you.
Thank you.
Hey, Scott, she's
not for you, son.
Scott: I feel like
such a loser.
Dale: Scott, come on,
you're 16.
To be a true loser takes
years of dedicated
ineptitude.
Trust me.
Jack: There will be
other girls, you'll see.
I know the truth hurts.
I'll tell you
what else hurts.
I trusted him,
and he steals the car.
Look, I didn't
steal it.
I don't want to talk
about it right now.
Oh, no.
No, no, get him
out of here.
Please, this man has
a major mime issue.
I'll hang you,
you white-faced creep.
Here, stop it.
Why don't you get
a real job, huh?
Build a real wall.
Stop it.
Would you just stop it?
Scotty?
Jack!
Jack, no!
We lost the boy.
Where did he go?
Get out of here!
All right,
we're not good at this.
You go that way,
I'll go this way.
OK.
Scott?
Yeah?
I thought you were
somebody else.
I'm Scott.
Hi. Hey, uh, you--
you want something?
You want
a nose-ring pierce?
N-no, thanks.
Another time.
Does that hurt?
Not the ones
in the face.
Ugh.
The--the one that
really hurts--
Yeah, I bet.
Scott!
Come on! Let's
take a little walk!
Get off of me!
Scott!
Excuse me!
Is there
a problem here?
Piss off!
Who are you?
I'm Scott's father.
Has he done
something wrong?
Yeah, he has,
actually.
He stole $5,000
from me.
He did?
Yeah.
Well, I assure
you, he will be
properly punished.
Young man,
stealing money
from drug dealers!
You are grounded,
mister!
All right, just get knotted,
wanker!
Gentlemen, have we
learned nothing
from the music
of John Lennon?
All we need is love.
No! All we need's money,
mate!
Oh!
Oh!
Do you have
an Advil?
Oh, it's you again.
You're dead, mate.
No, you are.
Ah!
Oh, boy!
You're doing it wrong!
I noticed.
The power comes from
your back! Watch.
Like this...
See? Let me
show you again.
Hey!
Who else wants
a piece of me?!
No! No!
Let's get 'em, boys!
I'll take you out!
I'll be there!
Bob:
Yeah, right here.
Listen, Calvin,
thanks for going
so far out of your way.
It's really above
and beyond the call.
Whoa-ho!
Look at this place.
You must have
robbed a bank at
some time or another.
Yeah. It's...
Scotty's probably
home by now.
I'm kind of nervous
about what to say
to him.
Listen, can I give you
just a little bit
of advice here?
Yeah.
Yeah, all right. Uh,
stop being so stiff, OK?
And lighten up
and take that pickle
out of your butt, boy.
Ha ha. OK.
Listen, listen...
It's not enough
to love him.
You gotta show him
you love him.
Give him a big old
bear hug.
Aah.
All right?
Listen, Calvin,
thank you.
All right.
Ain't nothin', man.
OK. Take care
of yourself.
I will. Listen...
I'll call you.
You got my number.
You got it.
This is for my fine.
This is for his fine.
This is for the boy's fine.
This is for getting the car
out of the impound.
This is for the fabulous
breakfast buffet that
we had this morning.
Are eggs
supposed to make noise
when you eat them?
Very funny.
Here's your
claim check
for your car.
And stay out
of trouble.
Yes, sir.
Thanks.
See you next year
at the reunion.
I go away for a minute
to make a phone call
and you buy
this T-shirt?
Look at this.
What's the big deal?
He wanted it.
You're going
to spoil him.
One T-shirt's
going to spoil him.
I like it.
What's the matter?
I'm afraid of flying.
Give me a minute.
No, no. Come--
this is not exactly
DNA evidence, OK?
Maybe.
Come on.
It'll be fine.
Let's go.
Don't--don't be
afraid, Scotty.
Hey, hey...
It's OK.
Just a couple
of bumps, Scotty.
You're doing great.
You're doing great.
It's OK. Breathe.
There you go.
Just breathe.
OK.
Thank you.
That's OK.
Hey, your
shoe's untied.
I got it.
I got it.
It's hard
with one hand.
There you go.
Scott.
Hi, dad.
Come in, man.
Come in. Are you OK?
Yeah.
Everything
all right? Huh?
Really?
Are you all right?
Really? You OK?
You had me
kind of worried.
Come here.
Oh, I'm--I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Bob.
Jack Lawrence, Bob.
Dale Putley.
Come on in.
Make yourselves at home.
Your mom's in the back.
Nice home.
Come on in.
What happened
to your arm?
A little accident.
Bob: Well, you won't believe
what happened to me.
Oh...
Bright.
What colour yellow
is this?
Baby...
Oh, sweetheart.
Collette: Oh, Scott.
Ohh...
Nice family.
Yeah.
Ahh!
Ahh!
Such a cute baby.
Ohh.
Hmm.
Look at this
little cowboy hat, huh?
Oh, I love this one.
I'm going to take that one.
You can't take that.
It belongs to them.
Yeah. You're right.
Look at that.
Do you understand
the situation?
Yeah, you, uh,
you told them both that
they were my father
so that they'd come
look for me, right?
Right.
I lied to them.
Well,
your mother--
both of us
wanted you back
so badly--
I understand.
I think it's time
I told them the truth.
Would you guys mind
if I told them?
You?
Well, I guess
I'm the reason
that everything
happened, right?
Where's, uh, Jack?
In the den,
calling his office.
You OK?
Everything...
all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, um...
I just talked
to my mom.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
She told me who
my real father is.
Who is it?
She says it's you.
Really?
She says she's sure.
Oh, God.
Come here.
Oh.
I knew the whirl--
Shh! Shh!
We should be--
we should be quiet.
I'm worried about Jack.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
You're right.
We shouldn't tell him.
Right.
It would break
his heart.
He seems tough,
but he's so fragile.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha.
It'll be our
little secret.
OK?
You know--you know, I was,
uh, I was thinking...
Maybe in a few years
I'll come to Berkeley.
Ohh, yes, son.
Yeah.
Hey...
Take photography.
Hmm?
Photography?
I just called
my office, and
good news--
everything went bad
without me.
It's not that funny.
No, no.
No, it isn't.
I'm going to go
call the airport,
see when the next flight
to San Francisco...
What's with him?
Oh, he just--
he told me a funny story.
Ho ho. Yeah.
Hee hee.
So you know,
I--I was talking
to my mom before...
Oh, yeah?
She told me who
my real father is.
Who?
You.
Me?
Wow.
Dale, I'm so happy.
Me, too, Collette.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Listen, Jack,
I--I really,
really appreciate
everything
you've done.
He told me.
Scotty...
Ha ha ha ha.
Jack, thank you.
Hmm. You're welcome.
Dale: Oh, boy.
OK. See ya.
Good-bye.
So...
Why don't you
come on in,
relax, have
a drink, or...
take a swim
if you want.
That's very sweet
of you, Jack,
but you know what?
I'll just come in,
call a cab, and...
head down
to the airport, OK?
Oh, OK.
You know what?
Take my car.
You're giving me
your car, Jack?
I mean, that's
so Elvis of you.
I mean, this is a big--
Not to keep.
No?
No. To take
to the airport.
Oh.
Yeah. You put it
in the overnight valet
and one of my
interns will get it
in the morning. Here.
Are you sure you want me
driving this car?
I mean, Jack...
It's just a thing.
Yes.
It's a car.
A car.
It's just a...
classic...
Mm-hmm.
irreplaceable...
car, that's all.
What's this dent?
Where?
Ha ha ha.
You mirth machine,
you.
Ha ha ha.
Ahh, boy.
Thanks, Jack.
We did good.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah.
Oh, Jack.
Let it out.
It's so healthy, Jack.
It's a breakthrough.
No.
What?
No. I'm cocking
around with you.
This is
what you look like,
you weepy bastard.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, Jack.
Ohh! Uhh!
Ohh, I love you!
Please.
My sternum.
Oh.
A little less gas.
It's not going
anywhere, Jack.
The brake's on.
OK.
You just go that way,
a left--
it's all
under control.
Ease off the clutch.
You won't get
that burning smell.
OK.
OK. Don't worry.
I'm not worried
at all.
I got it.
I'm an idiot.
I'm a big schmuck.
Hi.
You loaned Dale
your Jaguar?
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Jack...
Jack, how...
How did it go?
Scott told me
I'm his father.
Oh.
Wow.
Yep.
I feel good.
I feel terrific.
It's--it's, uh,
amazing.
Yeah.
It's wonderful news.
He was lying to me,
but I still feel great.
Wait, wait. What?
Oh. Right to my face.
Big-time lie.
How do you know?
Honey, I'm a lawyer.
People lie to me
all the time.
Oh. Yeah.
He's a sweet kid.
He lied to me because
he wanted me to feel good.
And I did.
Just the idea of being
somebody's father
made me feel wonderful.
Yeah?
So here's what
I'm thinking:
For the next one,
I'd like to be there
from the beginning.
Well, would I be
involved this time?
Oh, I hope so.
I mean,
from the beginning.
Hmm hmm-hmm hmm-hmm
Hmm-hmm hmm-hmm
Hmm hmm
Be-lee-lee deh-deh
Pow.
Hmm hmm-hmm hmm--
Oh...
Houston,
we have a problem.
Mayday.
Hi.
Hi.
Car problem?
Yeah.
Oh.
Phew.
Maybe I could be
of assistance.
Do you know anything
about cars?
Oh, yeah.
Somewhat of an expert
on cars.
Oh, terrific.
Well,
w-what do you think?
This one's
not working.
It's a rental.
I'm on my way
to the airport,
and I'm late.
Well, I'm on my way
to the airport.
I have a 4:00 flight
to San Francisco.
That's my flight.
Really?
Yeah--United.
321?
Right.
Oh. Me, too.
How richly bizarre.
Here we go.
I'm at your service.
It's a beautiful car.
Thanks.
I just got it.
There you go.
Everybody in?
Yeah.
Hi.
Oh...
I'm Virginia Farrell.
Dale Putley.
Hi.
Will anybody
be meeting you
at the airport?
Like a husband?
No. I'm--I'm
not married.
Oh. Me--me neither.
You have a boyfriend?
No.
Me neither.
Have you ever been
to the wine country?
No.
I've always
wanted to go.
Really?
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, yes!
Dale: Jack?
Yeah?
Guess who?
Oh.
You know how I hate
to fly, Jackie?
Where are you?
Somewhere on
the coast highway.
You shouldn't be
anywhere near
the coast highway!
I'm driving
to San Francisco.
In my car? No way.
I've got to do this,
Jack.
No, you don't.
The road is calling me.
I was born to be wild.
No, you weren't, Dale.
No. No wild.
I saw you swaying
to the rhythm of the music
Caught you playing
Caught you praying
to the voice inside you
I saw you
swaying there
I don't care
What you wanna be
I go back so far
I'm in front of me
It doesn't matter
what they say
They're giving
the game away
Hey
Hey
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
See it in
a different light
I can see
the world tonight
I heard you listening
to a secret conversation
You were crying
You were trying not
to let them hear you
I heard you listenin' in
Well, never mind
What they wanna do
You've got a right
To your point of view
It doesn't matter
what they say
They're giving
the game away
Hey
Hey
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
See it
in a different light
I can see
the world tonight
I can see
the world tonight
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
See it in
a different light
I can see
the world tonight
Look into the future
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