Final Stab (2001) Movie Script
1
Hello?
Hiya, Charlie.
It's me.
Hi, Angela.
I was just thinking about you.
What's that
going on in the background?
Green zombie, true classic.
Yuck, sounds
like a great way to spend
an evening alone.
Well, why don't you come over then?
I might be motivated to
watch something else.
Well, sweetheart, if I come over
and all we end up doing is watching TV,
I'll be very disappointed.
Fair enough.
Let me just hop in the shower.
If you show up and I won't answer the door
just use your keys and let yourself in.
You're taking a shower?
Why don't you save that for me?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, every had a come back?
Wow, this is a different side to you.
You'd be surprised
what I'd do with the proper
motivation, sweetheart.
See you in a few.
Angela?
I must have blown a fuse or something.
Angela?
If you're messing with me...
Angela?
If you're trying to screw with me
you're going to be very disappointed.
What the hell's going on right now?
Honey?
I mean it, this isn't funny.
- Boo.
- Jesus Christ.
Scared you, huh?
See?
I brought the beer.
Very funny.
What's up with the lights?
Oh, the freaking power company.
Oh, guess we'll have to do
everything by candlelight, huh?
Let me finish my shower first.
Okay, I'll just put these
beers away in the fridge
then I'll join you.
Hello?
Hey Angela, you naked yet?
Angela?
What the hell?
Jesus, Charlie, another one?
Oh, baby.
They're getting worse.
Maybe you should talk
to the psychiatrist again.
Maybe they can give
you pills or something.
No more doctors, I'm fine.
Besides, I'm not rich like you.
I don't have money running
into a shrink every time
something bad happens.
I'm sorry.
You can't keep going on like this.
I mean, you have these nightmares,
you don't even know why.
They're just nightmares.
I'm sure I'll live.
Could be that half a pizza
you scarfed down before bed.
Could be my crazy girlfriend.
Oh, play nice.
Come back to bed.
I'll protect you from
the nightmares, okay?
You need some goddamn sleep, mister.
Okay.
All right.
And if you wake up screaming again,
I can just smother you with my pillow.
Ha ha.
I hope this
isn't gonna take too long.
You're so impatient, Doug.
I think that's what I like about you.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Why don't we just cut the bullshit?
Let's get down to business here.
Well, this is the future site
of one of my more elaborate
business ventures.
We're actually gonna open it up tonight.
What are you talking about?
Oh you know, I've been
telling you about it for months.
Oh, right, that elaborate
business venture of yours.
The one that's legal for a change.
Well, I got to tell
you something, Kristin,
I'm real proud of you.
You're all grown up.
What the hell is this place?
Ride up with me.
I'll give you the nickel tour.
Tada.
This is, or was, before the
bank finally closed on it,
the infamous palermo estate.
Never heard of it?
Sorry, local history
really wasn't my thing.
It should be.
See, back in '95 there
was a family living here
and one night somebody or
several somebodies snuck in,
broke the lock and ah, choo,
hacks him into hamburger helper.
Four people, all dead.
Very Charles manson.
Sort of.
They never caught the guys who did it.
This place is a big legend around here.
The locals almost burned it down twice
in the last five years.
They think it's cursed.
Or haunted.
So you, naturally, went
and bought the place?
Sure, a girl's got to have her hobbies.
Right.
Okay, so uh, why am I here?
Well, I'm planning on throwing
a party out here tonight.
For Angela.
Okay, second time.
Why am I here?
Well, I need you to talk to her for me.
It's been a long time since
she and I have gotten along.
If I ask her, she won't come.
Yeah, well, she is
wise beyond her years.
You're her best friend, Doug.
This isn't going to work
unless Angela's here,
you know that.
Look, I just think you
should just drop it, okay?
I mean, really.
No, I got Julie and Patrick
here setting things up.
Brett and Steve are on their way.
I've got it all planned out.
What?
What, you got the whole gang down here?
What, what is this gonna be?
The Ivy league losers party?
Besides, I don't even think
Angela likes those guys.
Everybody will be okay
once I bury the hatchet.
Look, I'm not gonna be
the go-between between you
and your sister, okay?
So why don't you just grow
up, pick up the damn phone,
and do it yourself.
Oh, I hate it when we're not love.
Okay, that's, you know.
I've got the right equipment, keep it.
Wrong game.
Besides, I'm sure you
tell it to all the boys.
Like?
Oh, Brett.
Brett is a marriage of convenience.
We conveniently fuck,
he conveniently leaves,
and I move on to conveniently
fuck someone else.
Look, come to think of
it, maybe that is love.
Okay, how about Charlie?
Don't even joke about that.
Look, if you don't want to cooperate
how about I take a drive
down to the country club
and tell all your friends
are a little secret?
Or your parents?
Thank you.
I'm gonna be off for
awhile doing some errands
but Julie and Brett are
here setting things up.
I want Charlie and Angela
out here this evening,
8:00 o'clock, okay?
Things should be set up by then.
Okay, what happens after that?
Hey, do yourself a
favor, don't fret about it.
Oh, Doug, give me a big smile, huh?
Give me a big smile.
I don't get what the big
deal is about this flyer.
I don't know.
It's all those rich kids
up at the hardware store
buying all kinds of weird shit.
One of them dropped that.
It's a flyer looking for
local actors, drama students,
that kind of stuff,
yeah?
So why the hell should we care?
Because that bitch Kristin
Mitchell's behind all this.
Her name's on the flyer.
You mean that preppy chick?
Oh man.
Oh, yeah.
That's that tease that
got you all worked up
at that donatello mega
kegger and ditched you
for somebody else, right?
Fuck you, Earl.
Her folks on the textile
plant my old man worked for.
He got laid off last year for no reason.
Three months before its pension
was supposed to kick in.
You know, maybe we
should just leave it alone.
Those assholes are bad news.
Well, the way I see it is,
if you guys ain't interested
in helping me out,
it's one hell of a long walk back to town.
Helping you with what?
And her buddies a little visit.
I'm tired of her playing
games with people's heads.
Especially mine.
So when the time comes, I'm
gonna mess up their little play
or whatever it is.
Screw with the car, fuck up the property.
Or just scare the living crap
out of the snobby assholes.
That sounds pretty stupid, man.
If you want to pussy out, pussy out.
Go ahead and walk back home.
Up yours.
What happens if we get caught, man?
If we do this right,
we don't get caught.
You got your cell phones, right?
Yeah.
What I need you to do is go around front
and check the gate.
I need you to call me when
people start showing up.
I'monit.
You stay with the truck.
If somebody sees us,
we're gonna need you
to haul us out of here.
And what about you?
I'm gonna sneak around
back and whatever you do,
don't leave the truck or I'll
crack your fucking head open.
So why the hell
are we doing this, Julie?
Because Kristin
asked us to, okay?
Somehow I don't exactly
see Kristin is a party host.
Well, this is something
she really wants to do.
But there's more to it than that.
Yeah, it wouldn't have
anything to do with that meatball
her sister's dating, would it?
Right.
Here's a thought.
Why don't you just let Kristin's
sister do what she wants
with whoever she wants to do it with?
She's a big girl.
She seems happy.
I mean, I don't exactly
like Charlie either,
but you know, there's limits.
You guys just need to let it go.
It doesn't work like that.
And besides, Charlie's
not part of our crowd.
No, of course he isn't.
So why don't we just leave him alone?
You don't know the whole story.
Oh yeah?
Enlighten me.
Okay, fine.
Charlie used to live with
his mom and dad a while back
and one night this escaped
mental patient, or psycho killer,
or some bullshit like
that, breaks into the house
and hacks at mom and dad with the fire ax.
Charlie saw the whole thing.
It messed up his head really bad.
So bad that he spent six
months at shallow falls
and two years after that
on the thorazine express.
How do you know all this?
Pillow talk.
I slept with my mom's
psychoanalyst one night
and he mentioned it to impress me.
I guess it's some big secret.
Not even Angela knows, so
let's keep it that way, okay?
Un-fuckin'-believable.
What?
That Kristin would go
through all this trouble
for those two?
No, that you slept
with your mom's shrink.
Bud?
Cosmo?
You guys get back here already?
Hey, now's not the time to be
pulling this Halloween shit.
What?
Dude, it's Earl.
What's the problem?
Are you still at the truck?
Yeah, but I heard something.
What, like footsteps or something?
Well, no.
It was like a branch
breaking or something.
I mean, I don't see anything but...
For Christ's sakes.
It's the woods dumb ass.
Animals and shit.
Are you gonna call me every single time
a goddamn squirrel runs up the tree?
Well, I thought it was you guys.
Look, don't call me unless
you see somebody here's
or it's an emergency.
And don't gonna anywhere,
are we clear on that?
Yeah.
I hate nature.
Yeah?
It's cosmo.
Look, I got Earl calling me
up about some stupid raccoon
or something he heard in the woods.
What's going on over there?
Two guys just drove up in a nice car
and pulled up to the house.
Are they walking row
like they saw somebody?
No, they drove up as far as I can tell.
I think you're okay.
I'm gonna walk up a
little further and watch.
All right, do me a favor
and let me know when that
bitch shows up, all right?
Sure, but what are
you planning on doing?
Just call me when she arrives.
I'm in charge.
Steve, catch.
You up for throwing the football around?
No can do.
Yeah, great.
They're playing football.
Aw, just a couple of minutes.
Shouldn't we be setting up for tonight?
Yeah, well, that's tonight.
How much prep time do I need to die?
That's what you get
for being a party animal.
How's that?
Because only the sweet, innocent virgin
and her misunderstood
boyfriend live at the end.
Ever see Halloween?
Friday the 13th?
Usually gets an ax in the crotch
while he does a handstand.
Oh, what?
Because I like to party?
That's bullshit.
Face it, Brett, you're doomed.
Yeah, well, if anybody
hits me in the crotch
or anything I'll kick their
ass right to the wall.
Better talk to the boss.
After all, it might be your lucky day.
Hey, real stupid, Earl.
Bud said to stay with the truck.
Great, now I'm seeing shit.
Of course, if I was dating her,
I'd probably take a shot to the crotch.
Where is Kristin, anyways?
Who knows.
She told me to pick up
the actor in an hour.
Fuck, she's hiring actors?
Yeah.
She really is going too
far with it this time.
I think it's kind of cool.
I know that's you, Earl.
Hiding behind trees,
creeping me out.
It's real cool asshole.
Listen, just give me a sec, all right?
I wanna see if anybody's here yet.
All right?
Well, here we are.
Yeah.
We don't have to do this.
Look, I want to do this
for you, kiddo, okay?
I don't mind.
You just look funny, that's all.
Sick.
Thanks.
No, seriously, all right?
Are you under the weather or something?
No, I'm not under the weather.
The nightmares, then?
I told you, sweet pea, I'm fine.
Don't call me sweet pea.
Don't call me sick and we have a deal.
I'm serious.
You don't have to put on
this big tough guy act
just to make me happy.
Too late.
We can leave, you know.
Bitch or not, Kristin will understand.
Look, I really want you
and your sister to get along.
I know how important it is both of you.
You're the best.
This is gonna be just some party right?
Um, yeah.
We'll stick around for awhile,
hang out with the guys.
Stay away from the girl
cleaning, get bored and go home.
So where is everybody?
Uh, I don't know.
Maybe we were the first ones to show up.
I still can't believe
you got roped into this.
Me either.
Hey, listen, this is one of
Kristin's more lethal soirees
so I'll do my best to make sure you guys
don't get the worst of it.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Looks like nobody showed up.
Somebody's gotta be here, right?
The door was unlocked, so.
This is about par
for the course of Kristin.
Surprise!
Welcome back to my life, sis.
Thank you, Kristin.
Really, Doug said you
guys were having a party
but I had no idea it was for me.
Yeah, yeah, I know what you thought.
I figured it was time to make peace.
I'm just really glad you came.
You shit.
You could have said something.
It's a surprise party, the
point is to be surprised so.
It's been a while, Angela.
We've really missed you.
Now we're not gonna have to
pull this lame surprise stuff
every time we want to see you, are we?
Oh, it seems he's not
having such a good time.
Okay, why don't you see if
our Charlie needs a drink?
Why?
Because I asked and because
I used small words, honey.
Hey Charlie, what's up?
Looks like we both got lucked
out to this thing, huh?
Those Mitchell women, huh?
Yeah, tell me about it.
Hey, you need a drink?
Sure you do.
What's your poison?
Beer if you got it.
Hey Steve, how about
making yourself useful
and getting our man here Charlie a brew?
Nice knife.
Looks like the beer's in the kitchen.
Hold on a second, I'll be back.
Look, you don't have to
go to any trouble for me.
Oh, let him.
It's a rare treat, believe me.
Well, I'm not big on the speeches
so before I dig into that cake
and gain about a hundred pounds,
I just want to say thank you
for doing this for me tonight.
I'm glad I came out, really.
You guys definitely went all out
to kick this evening off right.
I hope bud light's okay.
He's dead.
Oh my god.
The kitchen's empty.
Well, he has to be there.
Maybe crawled out the goddamn window.
My point is, the kitchen's empty.
Where's the phone?
We need to call the police.
I'monit.
The line's dead.
Oh, fucking terrific.
Charlie.
I gotta go get him.
One of you should go get help.
How?
We all arrived by limo.
Fine, Doug, take my car no get help.
Okay, you can get up now.
This fake blood tastes like shit.
Definitely want to help with that one.
You know, you could have
made this a lot easier
on all of us if me, Patrick, and Steve
just took the scum ball out back
and beat the shit out of him.
Yes, but that lacks finesse.
Finesse and legality.
You boys take Charlie out back
and beat him up and you're
up on assault charges.
My way is much cleaner.
Funny, I didn't know you
liked your filth so clean.
Oh, we're talking shop, Brett.
Save the sex talk for later.
Did you see his face?
It's working.
I'm the queen bitch of deception.
How easily I forget.
Now remember, in a few
minutes the power goes out,
the phones are dead,
and nobody has their
cell phones with them.
No, the phones are dead.
Which means that everybody had better
turn their goddamn cell phones off.
And Angela's car battery
has mysteriously died.
You made sure the cars are
all hidden out back, right?
Right.
Good.
So we're trapped here.
Steve is dead, stabbed
to death, major panic.
Okay, now someone gets the bright idea
to go look for either a phone...
What?
Excuse me, queen, but
if there's no phones
why the hell are we split
up to go look for one?
And if this place is deserted,
which I think it is,
then why would even think
about going to look for a phone?
Doug darling, you're being an asshole.
Okay, you can go look for a phone,
a nearby farm house to get help,
a fucking tampon, I don't care.
Just find a reason to
split up into small groups.
Now one by one, you guys will get killed.
The idea being that
everyone is playing along
with this scenario except
Charlie and Angela.
Now you just get stabbed
with a phony knife,
you lay there, you spit up some
stage blood, and that's it.
This murder mystery weekend
is my best idea yet.
Charlie?
Angela, I'm sorry.
They're gonna try and
get ahold of the police.
We have to stay with the others, okay?
1 can't go back in there.
Charlie, we have to.
I can't.
The blood, it's...
Charlie, I know, I'm scared
out of my mind, all right?
Not half as much as I am.
We should stay together.
It's the only way we can be safe.
That's not true.
Charlie, you need to
get yourself together.
We need to leave.
No.
Steve was my friend.
I just get up and leave my
sister, all my old friends.
I have to stay.
We have to stay until Doug gets help.
I'm not talking to the police.
Charlie, Jesus Christ,
what's wrong with you?
Look, if we're not
leaving, I need to be outside
of this house somewhere safe, something.
You're babbling now.
Angela, I love you but I can't do this.
What, you're just gonna run off?
I can't handle this.
Charlie.
Look, is the game over or
are we gonna have to run around
this dump playing scream all night?
Oh, my friends, this
game has only just begun.
This is my business venture.
After tonight, we're gonna have
the hottest weekend getaway
in the city.
Yeah, and Charlie will
end up in a rug room
writing home with crayolas.
Hey, kill two birds with one stone.
Who's the killer?
Oh, everybody meet
professional actor Wallace Simon.
He's playing the killer.
So how was my performance?
Well, I didn't think that
fake knife is very convincing.
What's this?
Try this instead.
I mean, if this is supposed
to be a live-action version
of a Friday the 13th movie,
then the killer is supposed
to be killing people.
Just watch when you swing
that one around, okay?
What about my script?
There's no script.
You mean I'm supposed to
prance around in this ridiculous
outfit and stab people?
That's it?
You want a stuntman.
Listen, I have a drama degree
from west Covina community college.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
So does my gardener.
Look, I'm paying you 100 bucks an hour
so you better start
listening to the director.
Your job is simple.
On cue you jump out from behind the gazebo
and you attack Julie
and Patrick when I say.
Got it?
It's not Shakespeare.
Now you two go on to the
courtyard where Charlie and Angela
aren't gonna see you
and get all dolled up.
Remember the blood pump
that I showed you earlier?
Use that.
I think there's a slashed
throat too that we can use.
We're supposed to go out
by the gazebo and get killed?
Not quite.
Brett and Doug, when
Angela and Charlie show up
you two take them into
the study, you know,
stay together, safety in numbers,
who knows where the killer might be.
Blah, blah, blah, blah,
and you wait for my signal.
You guys better get going.
So, um, what's the signal
that we're waiting for?
I's just like the horror movies.
The power will suddenly go out.
Now bear in mind now that Julie's gone,
Patrick's gone, and I'm gone.
Where are you gonna be?
I'm gonna be out by the
gazebo directing traffic.
But the story is we all went
looking for Angela and Charlie.
Now when the power goes out,
you guys are too freaked
to stay in the house,
so you take them out to the gazebo.
They'll see Julie and Patrick get whacked.
It should be enough.
Just make sure Charlie's there to see it.
You wait out by the gazebo.
I'll be out there in a minute
to tell you when to pop out and do thing.
Okay.
Everybody else clear
on what we have to do?
Steve, you just lay there play dead.
Don't get up or I'll really kill you.
Brett and Doug, when
Angela and Charlie show up
just play along like I said.
Yes, your fucking highness.
Why do we hang out with her again?
Because she's usually
the one with the coke
and the ecstasy.
Oh yeah.
Damn, I gotta take a leak.
Hello?
Is someone in here?
I saw you.
No lights, of course, no lights.
I've seen bus stations more
sanitary than this place.
Fyi, I didn't agree to get
those pranks pulled on me.
I'm just here to act.
Shit!
Yep, we're all having fun.
I've seen snuff treat their
actors better than this.
I hate this job.
Nice try.
The blood doesn't even look real.
Who are you, my understudy?
Man, am I really gonna
have to do this all night?
This sucks.
Shut up and play along, Steve.
Somebody's coming.
Doug, what the hell are you doing here?
I thought you were gonna go get help.
I was but I tried to start your car
and the the battery's dead.
- What?
- Yeah.
This is totally fucked up.
What are we gonna do, Doug?
We?
What we?
I mean, I know what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna haul ass out of here.
What about Steve?
We're not just gonna leave him like this.
I don't know.
Maybe we can come back and carry him,
where did everybody else go?
They went to find a
phone to call the police.
Oh, Jesus.
Did they at least stay together
with that killer out there?
Hello?
Look, I told you,
I don't know when I'm
gonna be done with it.
Just quit fucking calling me.
Uh, look, now is not a good time,
let me call you back in a few.
What the hell is going on around here?
What is this?
Some kind of a sick joke?
Not exactly.
Look, Kristin enlisted you and Charlie
to be the Guinea pigs for tonight.
She's got this scheme
she's been trying to get lifted for years.
This murder mystery weekend,
just the cool people.
A bunch of kids trapped in an
old house with a mass killer.
It's really stupid.
Oh yeah, it's mega stupid.
I thought Steve really got
killed, so did Charlie.
I should have known you guys
wouldn't have just thrown me
a party 'cause you were sweethearts.
When were you let us in on the plan?
Look, we didn't mean no harm.
I mean, you know how Kristin
is, she's always scheming.
You remember what she was like in college.
Yeah, yeah, she's a total drama queen.
What are you guys bitching about?
I'm the one who has to lay
on the floor all night.
This was supposed to be the test run
for her murder mystery weekend.
You guys are all supposed to go first.
Yeah.
She thinks she can make
a fortune out of this
if it works out.
Yeah, you know, another fortune.
Where is she?
1 don't know but I should
probably go find her.
See if she needs some help.
Is everybody else
gonna split up now, too?
Well, you and I are actually
supposed to wait in the study.
Well, I'm sorry, I can't do that.
Charlie took off.
That thing was Steve
really freaked him out.
Well, we are 20 miles from town,
I don't think he's gonna get too far.
Well, I don't want him going anywhere,
he's really shaken up.
I'm sure if we wait in
this study he'll come back
and we can explain the whole thing to him.
Do you want to go outside and get lost?
Because I don't, okay?
Trust me.
Just wait in this study
with me and Kristin's
probably found him by now or Brett will.
Okay, but if he's not back in 10 minutes
we go looking for him.
What about me?
Can I can go wait in the study too?
Look, you just lie
down and act dead, okay?
We don't want to piss Kristin off.
Oh, man.
Here kitty-kitty.
Here super bitch.
Where the fuck are you, Kristin?
Man, if you left the truck
I'm gonna kick your ass.
Great, where the hell is everybody?
Earl?
Cosmo?
Damn it.
What the hell is this shit?
So are you mad at me because of this?
I just don't understand
why you have to jump
every time she says to, that's all.
It's complicated.
Take a cue from me.
I do my own thing, Kristin does hers.
So I guess you don't mind
that she's up there right
now with Mr. 501 blues?
You of all people should know
I'm not the jealous type.
Well, I guess that was
maybe just when you and I
were going out.
Things change I guess.
1 guess I have lousy
luck with guys, huh?
I know what you mean.
You all need to leave Charlie alone.
It's not like I'm picking on Charlie.
Alls I'm saying is that our Kristin here
probably has an agenda.
And what is her agenda?
Well, you cut right
to the chase, don't you?
I'm just saying that I'm sure
Kristin thinks it's funny
to watch you squirm, okay.
I mean you know how she is.
She she brings out the worst in people.
And what about Charlie?
You're all gonna treat him like a leper
because he doesn't have your money?
Look, don't you lump me
in with those guys, okay.
I like you and I like Charlie.
Then why did you play along
with this game of Kristin's?
Look, nevermind why
Kristin's doing this, okay.
I had my own ulterior motives.
Oh for Christ's sake.
Shit's making my clothes
itch my freaking back.
Kristin?
Somebody?
Goddamn it.
Wallace, back so soon?
Could you me a favor and find Kristin?
Tell her Charlie's gone.
I don't think he's coming back
and I'm not laying here in blood anymore.
Did you hear what I said?
Jesus.
Doug, when did you get
interested in me again?
In you?
I was talking about Charlie.
Ah ha, very funny.
Okay, seriously, what's wrong?
He's having nightmares.
It's messing up his job,
it's messing up his, oh.
Oh.
You know, huh?
So you guys haven't
been doing the nasty?
Yeah.
Ooh, poor baby.
Well have you thought about
taking him to a psychologist?
No, we tried that.
They've tried meds to even
him out, nothing works.
Maybe Charlie can't be fixed.
What's supposed to happen
if the gazebo, do you know?
Who knows what's going
through Kristin's mind
but all I know is she's probably
having the time of her life.
I think we should go after Charlie.
Look, Charlie will be fine.
Hey, everybody's outside
and if he's out there too,
I'm sure they probably found him by now
and even what I meant on the joke.
You didn't see his face,
Doug, he was terrified.
I know but he'll calm down
and you just need to relax.
Oh god, I cannot believe
we're gonna have to wear this stuff.
Eh, come on, it'll be fun.
Does it wash it off?
Sure, I'll even be the guy
who scrubs you down afterwards.
Ooh, I can't wait for that part.
Do you think Kristin's gonna
bitch at us if she sees us
messing around out here?
We're all alone, okay?
What about that Wallace guy?
Trust me, nobody's gonna come out here.
Boo!
Oh my god.
Nice going, Brett.
What?
I thought you're supposed to be inside
with Doug and Angela waiting
for the power to go out?
Yeah and I thought
you guys were supposed
to be getting ready to get
killed out by the gazebo, so.
We are getting ready.
Yeah, sure looked like it.
I went to find Kristin
to see if she needed
any help setting up.
Did you guys see her?
Check out the gazebo.
We'll be out there in a few minutes.
Jesus, can this get
any more complicated?
Nevermind all that.
What the hell happened to the lights?
That's that's our cue, okay.
It looks like Kristin's
got our little party
in high gear here so
it's off to the gazebo.
- Doug?
- Yes?
You don't really think Kristin out there
after Charlie do you?
Who knows what Kristin's after?
You'd probably know better than I would.
What about Charlie?
I don't know.
What about Charlie?
You think he's with Kristin right now?
1 don't know Charlie well
enough to make that judgment
call but I will say one
thing, she has tried before.
What?
Yeah, it was a while ago
just after you two started dating.
She made a play for him at some party,
she was drunk off her ass, okay.
But she practically did
a striptease for him
in front of everybody.
And?
And he said no.
But you know how Kristin is.
Never say no to her, so the
next night she showed up
at his place in a mink
coat and nothing else.
Bitch.
Don't worry, he threw her out.
Which explains a lot.
Except for the fact
that he never told you.
There's a lot of things
Charlie hasn't told me.
Like about what happened to his parents.
Maybe he will in time.
Maybe.
That looks pretty bad, Steve.
Well, I give this to him.
He's sure doing a hell of an acting job.
Are you gonna do this all night?
Hmm, fine.
My sister, one-in-a-million.
Only Kristin could get a
bunch of Ivy league grads
to lay down and play dead.
Next thing you know she'll
be having him play fetch.
She does have that way with men.
Who is that?
Oh, it's that drama
student Kristin hired.
Yeah, well he's supposed
to be out at the gazebo.
Let's go tell him to follow us.
Hey, Wallace, we'd better
hightail it out to the gazebo.
Mattress checks out.
Terrific.
Maybe the poor bastard's
having a love affair
with the plastic skeleton.
Yeah, maybe he really is a psycho.
Yeah.
Great, the power's out.
That means we missed our cue.
It looks like the guy snuck
out of the bathroom window.
Are you serious?
Yeah, he probably
headed up to the gazebo.
We should probably get out there.
Who cares, Patrick?
I don't.
Look, we can lock the doors.
We can lock the windows.
Nobody gets in and we can do
whatever the hell we want to.
Right?
Shouldn't we tell Kristin?
Sure.
I mean like right now?
Before Doug gets Charlie
and Angela out by the gazebo
and nothing's happening?
You're wrecking the mood.
Since you're still
dressed just run about there
and tell her we need a
15-minute break, please.
You want me to go all the way out there?
Don't shave your cell phone?
Can't you just call her?
It's around here somewhere, hold on.
Forget it.
Look, I'll go.
Don't move and don't put
any more clothes back on.
Brett?
Kristin?
My turn?
What the hell.
Is this gonna be bloody
cuz it's a real shame
to ruin this dress.
Found it.
Damn, look at her go.
That looks great.
That's a lot of frigging blood, man.
We're gonna take a frigging shower.
I guess we're off the hook.
It's pretty freaky, Julie.
I guess Kristin changed the plot, huh?
I'm gonna call her and see
if it's okay if I just splash
some blood on myself and call it a day.
Julie.
I can't believe this.
Where the hell is everybody?
I don't know but I think at least Steve
got the right idea, just play dead
and stay the hell out of it
for the rest of the night.
So they were supposed to
meet us out here, right?
I know Patrick and Julie were.
And Kristin?
That I don't know.
So one of us get
stabbed with a fake knife?
I can't tell you everything now can I?
Damn it.
Sorry, I've been doing that all night.
Why the hell aren't you over
there with Doug and Angela?
I went to find you to see
if you needed help setting up.
Why don't you help me by
staying with Doug and Angela?
Excuse me for caring.
Where's Charlie?
Who cares?
We're alone and we got all night together.
Yeah, you want me, okay.
You gonna answer my question, or what?
1 don't know, Angela
said Charlie bugged out
and ran off somewhere.
That's not good is it?
I need to know exactly where he is.
Why, what you deal with him?
I don't get it.
Nevermind, all that you need
to know is he screwed me over
awhile back and I'm getting even tonight.
We have another problem.
No Patrick, no Julie, and no killer.
I thought they'd be here by now.
I'll go get them.
You go find Charlie.
And where is Wallace?
If you see him could you tell
him to stop fucking around
on my time and do his job?
No problem.
I don't think anybody's gonna show up.
Oh, it's Charlie.
He's running back inside.
Anybody in here?
Hey, it's Wallace, right?
Look, Kristin's really pissed off.
You were supposed to be at the gazebo.
Hey, did you hear me, man?
You want to take that
fucking mask off, or what?
I'm not playing games, man.
I think Steve must have fallen asleep.
Find him, where's Charlie?
I don't know.
Bullshit.
That sounded like it
came from the basement.
Basement?
Charlie?
Well at least we know
Wallace was down here.
Are you sure?
Pretty sure.
Jesus Christ, why didn't you answer me?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
Charlie, thank god you're okay.
Steve's not really dead.
This whole thing is Kristin's
sick little business venture.
Fake knives and kool-aid blood.
It doesn't matter, it
just all came flooding back.
The nightmares?
Listen, I think it's it's about time
we went over a few things.
What are you talking about?
This whole murder mystery
thing is one giant setup.
Kristin knows about Charlie's mom and dad.
My parents were killed a few years ago.
Murdered.
I was the eyewitness.
I've spent years in therapy.
I almost killed myself twice.
I thought I was over it but I saw Steve...
You should have told me.
Jesus, Charlie.
You should have told me.
So what was the master plan?
Humiliate Charlie, make him crazy?
Tell me, goddamn it.
She wanted Charlie to flip
out and distance you two, okay.
She she doesn't want Charlie in your life.
Okay, that's what she said at any rate.
What I think is that she
really wanted revenge.
She figured that you
wouldn't want him anymore
if he's in the loony bin.
You wouldn't happen to know
where she is now, would you?
I swear, I don't know.
Fine, then I'll go back
upstairs and look for her.
Doug, is the battery in my car really dead
or is that just part of the gag?
Part of the gag, of course.
Great, I want you to take
my car and drive Charlie home.
You still have the keys?
Yeah.
Are you gonna be okay?
So wait, I take Charlie home, then what?
Then everybody is going
to be asked to leave.
Everybody except Kristin.
I want to be alone with
my sister for a while.
Why?
'Cause goody two-shoes Angela
might be knocking her fucking
teeth out, that's why.
Hey man, listen.
I am really sorry about
this whole thing, okay.
But if it's any consolation
I don't think Kristin is gonna be messing
with anybody much after this.
It's all right, man.
Don't worry about it.
I'm fine.
So, where to?
I say we go get shit-faced.
I think I've messed with my mind
more than enough for one evening.
Oh, come on.
Jose cuervos, loosen
you up, calm you down.
Hey, remember college?
Freshman year?
Did you ever tell Angela about us?
Did you?
How open-minded is she?
Well, it's not as if I was exactly
pushing the envelope when
her and I were dating.
Now it's just you and me why don't you
tell me what the hell
you're doing in the middle
of all this?
Charlie, listen, I had no choice, okay.
Kristin knows about you and I.
Yeah, and she was gonna
tell my parents, okay.
I mean, they would disinherit me.
How the hell does Kristin know?
Oh man, she knows every
skeleton in everyone's closet.
Every skeleton?
Every skeleton.
Jesus Christ.
What if Angela finds out?
I need a drink.
Hey now that sounds like
the Charlie I know and love.
What about Angela?
Well, who's to say Angela
can't come along for the ride?
I can't.
I should go get her before
she and Kristin get into something ugly.
Kristin, your little game is over.
I know what's going on.
Come on out, bitch.
I'm ready to play in your way.
Terrific.
Now what?
Excuse me.
Patrick.
Patrick.
Come on Patrick, you're
always good for a drink.
You can stop playing for
a minute and tell me where
the hell Kristin is.
Patrick, go ahead and answer your phone.
I know this whole thing is your stupid
fucking murder mystery
weekend or whatever.
Who is this?
Help.
Please.
Doug?
Is that you?
What the hell's going on?
Charlie, Charlie,
there's somebody out there.
Somebody's really killing people.
What?
I saw Patrick, Julie, and
Brett, they're all dead.
What have you done, Kristin?
I just wanted Charlie gone, okay?
I didn't know.
I had no idea.
Everybody's dead.
I know.
I didn't think that he would do this.
I just thought that he'd
freak out and you'd hate him
and he'd be gone.
He almost got me, got you.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so goddamn sorry.
What the hell are you talking about?
Don't come any closer,
Charlie, or I'll stab you,
I swear to god.
Angela get away from him.
Look at that, he's got a
knife, he's gonna kill us.
You know I would never kill anybody.
He killed all of our friends.
He's psychotic, you know that.
- Shut up!
- No!
Oh, god.
I killed her.
Perfect.
Bravo.
Oh that's right, Charlie.
Innocent little me sets up
a murder mystery weekend
to freak out my older sister's boyfriend.
Oh yeah, I'm a jealous bitch with money.
Only I had no idea would set
off your homicidal tendencies.
Whoops.
How could you do this?
You just don't get it, Charlie.
I love horror movies, love them.
In Friday the 13th, that's great shit.
Without getting caught.
That's how I came up with this whole
murder mystery weekend thing.
It's the perfect crime and
you're the perfect patsy.
Some working-class nut
job with a case history.
My hands are clean.
I'll tell them what really happened.
Oh, and who do you think
they're gonna believe,
psycho boy?
But how could you kill them all?
No, see.
That's where you're confused.
You killed them.
I brought you out here,
you saw some fake murders,
you flipped out and went ape
shit with a butcher's knife.
You get life in jail,
Angela gets a tacky funeral,
and I get alla mommy and
daddy's inheritance money.
Like I said, the perfect crime.
You bitch.
You killed your friends for money?
What friends?
A pack of losers that kiss my ass to ride
on my cocaine train?
You're crazy.
Whatever.
You better stay put.
I already called the cops
about five minutes ago.
The only prints they're
gonna find are on the knife
that you stabbed my sister with.
Wait a minute.
That's wrong.
That knife looks fake.
Where is she?
That was a great idea you had
about framing me for this shit.
It's too bad I had the same idea.
No.
This is for showing up at Charlie's
in nothing but that mink
coat you stole from me.
How you gonna explain this
when the cops show up?
It was self-defense.
Kristin goes section
eight and kills everybody.
Gets pissed when things
don't go the way she thought
they would, comes at you with a knife.
You had to protect yourself.
The end.
Have you ever done this before?
It's amazing what you come up with
under the right circumstances.
You were gone for a long time.
Where the hell were you all night?
Following your sister,
she was really busy.
I can't believe she
killed everyone, even Doug.
He's the only one I actually liked.
Me, too.
It was so horrible.
I heard Doug getting killed
on Patrick's cell phone.
You know the weird thing is
Kristin was at the caretaker's
apartment two seconds later to get me.
Well, you know your sister,
she never does anything halfway.
But no human can move that fast.
Thank god we stopped her.
Poor Kristin.
I guess we should have told her the part
about how your family used to live here.
Well, I didn't want
to ruin the surprise.
They never did find the
guys who killed your parents,
did they?
No, they never did.
Hello?
Hiya, Charlie.
It's me.
Hi, Angela.
I was just thinking about you.
What's that
going on in the background?
Green zombie, true classic.
Yuck, sounds
like a great way to spend
an evening alone.
Well, why don't you come over then?
I might be motivated to
watch something else.
Well, sweetheart, if I come over
and all we end up doing is watching TV,
I'll be very disappointed.
Fair enough.
Let me just hop in the shower.
If you show up and I won't answer the door
just use your keys and let yourself in.
You're taking a shower?
Why don't you save that for me?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, every had a come back?
Wow, this is a different side to you.
You'd be surprised
what I'd do with the proper
motivation, sweetheart.
See you in a few.
Angela?
I must have blown a fuse or something.
Angela?
If you're messing with me...
Angela?
If you're trying to screw with me
you're going to be very disappointed.
What the hell's going on right now?
Honey?
I mean it, this isn't funny.
- Boo.
- Jesus Christ.
Scared you, huh?
See?
I brought the beer.
Very funny.
What's up with the lights?
Oh, the freaking power company.
Oh, guess we'll have to do
everything by candlelight, huh?
Let me finish my shower first.
Okay, I'll just put these
beers away in the fridge
then I'll join you.
Hello?
Hey Angela, you naked yet?
Angela?
What the hell?
Jesus, Charlie, another one?
Oh, baby.
They're getting worse.
Maybe you should talk
to the psychiatrist again.
Maybe they can give
you pills or something.
No more doctors, I'm fine.
Besides, I'm not rich like you.
I don't have money running
into a shrink every time
something bad happens.
I'm sorry.
You can't keep going on like this.
I mean, you have these nightmares,
you don't even know why.
They're just nightmares.
I'm sure I'll live.
Could be that half a pizza
you scarfed down before bed.
Could be my crazy girlfriend.
Oh, play nice.
Come back to bed.
I'll protect you from
the nightmares, okay?
You need some goddamn sleep, mister.
Okay.
All right.
And if you wake up screaming again,
I can just smother you with my pillow.
Ha ha.
I hope this
isn't gonna take too long.
You're so impatient, Doug.
I think that's what I like about you.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Why don't we just cut the bullshit?
Let's get down to business here.
Well, this is the future site
of one of my more elaborate
business ventures.
We're actually gonna open it up tonight.
What are you talking about?
Oh you know, I've been
telling you about it for months.
Oh, right, that elaborate
business venture of yours.
The one that's legal for a change.
Well, I got to tell
you something, Kristin,
I'm real proud of you.
You're all grown up.
What the hell is this place?
Ride up with me.
I'll give you the nickel tour.
Tada.
This is, or was, before the
bank finally closed on it,
the infamous palermo estate.
Never heard of it?
Sorry, local history
really wasn't my thing.
It should be.
See, back in '95 there
was a family living here
and one night somebody or
several somebodies snuck in,
broke the lock and ah, choo,
hacks him into hamburger helper.
Four people, all dead.
Very Charles manson.
Sort of.
They never caught the guys who did it.
This place is a big legend around here.
The locals almost burned it down twice
in the last five years.
They think it's cursed.
Or haunted.
So you, naturally, went
and bought the place?
Sure, a girl's got to have her hobbies.
Right.
Okay, so uh, why am I here?
Well, I'm planning on throwing
a party out here tonight.
For Angela.
Okay, second time.
Why am I here?
Well, I need you to talk to her for me.
It's been a long time since
she and I have gotten along.
If I ask her, she won't come.
Yeah, well, she is
wise beyond her years.
You're her best friend, Doug.
This isn't going to work
unless Angela's here,
you know that.
Look, I just think you
should just drop it, okay?
I mean, really.
No, I got Julie and Patrick
here setting things up.
Brett and Steve are on their way.
I've got it all planned out.
What?
What, you got the whole gang down here?
What, what is this gonna be?
The Ivy league losers party?
Besides, I don't even think
Angela likes those guys.
Everybody will be okay
once I bury the hatchet.
Look, I'm not gonna be
the go-between between you
and your sister, okay?
So why don't you just grow
up, pick up the damn phone,
and do it yourself.
Oh, I hate it when we're not love.
Okay, that's, you know.
I've got the right equipment, keep it.
Wrong game.
Besides, I'm sure you
tell it to all the boys.
Like?
Oh, Brett.
Brett is a marriage of convenience.
We conveniently fuck,
he conveniently leaves,
and I move on to conveniently
fuck someone else.
Look, come to think of
it, maybe that is love.
Okay, how about Charlie?
Don't even joke about that.
Look, if you don't want to cooperate
how about I take a drive
down to the country club
and tell all your friends
are a little secret?
Or your parents?
Thank you.
I'm gonna be off for
awhile doing some errands
but Julie and Brett are
here setting things up.
I want Charlie and Angela
out here this evening,
8:00 o'clock, okay?
Things should be set up by then.
Okay, what happens after that?
Hey, do yourself a
favor, don't fret about it.
Oh, Doug, give me a big smile, huh?
Give me a big smile.
I don't get what the big
deal is about this flyer.
I don't know.
It's all those rich kids
up at the hardware store
buying all kinds of weird shit.
One of them dropped that.
It's a flyer looking for
local actors, drama students,
that kind of stuff,
yeah?
So why the hell should we care?
Because that bitch Kristin
Mitchell's behind all this.
Her name's on the flyer.
You mean that preppy chick?
Oh man.
Oh, yeah.
That's that tease that
got you all worked up
at that donatello mega
kegger and ditched you
for somebody else, right?
Fuck you, Earl.
Her folks on the textile
plant my old man worked for.
He got laid off last year for no reason.
Three months before its pension
was supposed to kick in.
You know, maybe we
should just leave it alone.
Those assholes are bad news.
Well, the way I see it is,
if you guys ain't interested
in helping me out,
it's one hell of a long walk back to town.
Helping you with what?
And her buddies a little visit.
I'm tired of her playing
games with people's heads.
Especially mine.
So when the time comes, I'm
gonna mess up their little play
or whatever it is.
Screw with the car, fuck up the property.
Or just scare the living crap
out of the snobby assholes.
That sounds pretty stupid, man.
If you want to pussy out, pussy out.
Go ahead and walk back home.
Up yours.
What happens if we get caught, man?
If we do this right,
we don't get caught.
You got your cell phones, right?
Yeah.
What I need you to do is go around front
and check the gate.
I need you to call me when
people start showing up.
I'monit.
You stay with the truck.
If somebody sees us,
we're gonna need you
to haul us out of here.
And what about you?
I'm gonna sneak around
back and whatever you do,
don't leave the truck or I'll
crack your fucking head open.
So why the hell
are we doing this, Julie?
Because Kristin
asked us to, okay?
Somehow I don't exactly
see Kristin is a party host.
Well, this is something
she really wants to do.
But there's more to it than that.
Yeah, it wouldn't have
anything to do with that meatball
her sister's dating, would it?
Right.
Here's a thought.
Why don't you just let Kristin's
sister do what she wants
with whoever she wants to do it with?
She's a big girl.
She seems happy.
I mean, I don't exactly
like Charlie either,
but you know, there's limits.
You guys just need to let it go.
It doesn't work like that.
And besides, Charlie's
not part of our crowd.
No, of course he isn't.
So why don't we just leave him alone?
You don't know the whole story.
Oh yeah?
Enlighten me.
Okay, fine.
Charlie used to live with
his mom and dad a while back
and one night this escaped
mental patient, or psycho killer,
or some bullshit like
that, breaks into the house
and hacks at mom and dad with the fire ax.
Charlie saw the whole thing.
It messed up his head really bad.
So bad that he spent six
months at shallow falls
and two years after that
on the thorazine express.
How do you know all this?
Pillow talk.
I slept with my mom's
psychoanalyst one night
and he mentioned it to impress me.
I guess it's some big secret.
Not even Angela knows, so
let's keep it that way, okay?
Un-fuckin'-believable.
What?
That Kristin would go
through all this trouble
for those two?
No, that you slept
with your mom's shrink.
Bud?
Cosmo?
You guys get back here already?
Hey, now's not the time to be
pulling this Halloween shit.
What?
Dude, it's Earl.
What's the problem?
Are you still at the truck?
Yeah, but I heard something.
What, like footsteps or something?
Well, no.
It was like a branch
breaking or something.
I mean, I don't see anything but...
For Christ's sakes.
It's the woods dumb ass.
Animals and shit.
Are you gonna call me every single time
a goddamn squirrel runs up the tree?
Well, I thought it was you guys.
Look, don't call me unless
you see somebody here's
or it's an emergency.
And don't gonna anywhere,
are we clear on that?
Yeah.
I hate nature.
Yeah?
It's cosmo.
Look, I got Earl calling me
up about some stupid raccoon
or something he heard in the woods.
What's going on over there?
Two guys just drove up in a nice car
and pulled up to the house.
Are they walking row
like they saw somebody?
No, they drove up as far as I can tell.
I think you're okay.
I'm gonna walk up a
little further and watch.
All right, do me a favor
and let me know when that
bitch shows up, all right?
Sure, but what are
you planning on doing?
Just call me when she arrives.
I'm in charge.
Steve, catch.
You up for throwing the football around?
No can do.
Yeah, great.
They're playing football.
Aw, just a couple of minutes.
Shouldn't we be setting up for tonight?
Yeah, well, that's tonight.
How much prep time do I need to die?
That's what you get
for being a party animal.
How's that?
Because only the sweet, innocent virgin
and her misunderstood
boyfriend live at the end.
Ever see Halloween?
Friday the 13th?
Usually gets an ax in the crotch
while he does a handstand.
Oh, what?
Because I like to party?
That's bullshit.
Face it, Brett, you're doomed.
Yeah, well, if anybody
hits me in the crotch
or anything I'll kick their
ass right to the wall.
Better talk to the boss.
After all, it might be your lucky day.
Hey, real stupid, Earl.
Bud said to stay with the truck.
Great, now I'm seeing shit.
Of course, if I was dating her,
I'd probably take a shot to the crotch.
Where is Kristin, anyways?
Who knows.
She told me to pick up
the actor in an hour.
Fuck, she's hiring actors?
Yeah.
She really is going too
far with it this time.
I think it's kind of cool.
I know that's you, Earl.
Hiding behind trees,
creeping me out.
It's real cool asshole.
Listen, just give me a sec, all right?
I wanna see if anybody's here yet.
All right?
Well, here we are.
Yeah.
We don't have to do this.
Look, I want to do this
for you, kiddo, okay?
I don't mind.
You just look funny, that's all.
Sick.
Thanks.
No, seriously, all right?
Are you under the weather or something?
No, I'm not under the weather.
The nightmares, then?
I told you, sweet pea, I'm fine.
Don't call me sweet pea.
Don't call me sick and we have a deal.
I'm serious.
You don't have to put on
this big tough guy act
just to make me happy.
Too late.
We can leave, you know.
Bitch or not, Kristin will understand.
Look, I really want you
and your sister to get along.
I know how important it is both of you.
You're the best.
This is gonna be just some party right?
Um, yeah.
We'll stick around for awhile,
hang out with the guys.
Stay away from the girl
cleaning, get bored and go home.
So where is everybody?
Uh, I don't know.
Maybe we were the first ones to show up.
I still can't believe
you got roped into this.
Me either.
Hey, listen, this is one of
Kristin's more lethal soirees
so I'll do my best to make sure you guys
don't get the worst of it.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Looks like nobody showed up.
Somebody's gotta be here, right?
The door was unlocked, so.
This is about par
for the course of Kristin.
Surprise!
Welcome back to my life, sis.
Thank you, Kristin.
Really, Doug said you
guys were having a party
but I had no idea it was for me.
Yeah, yeah, I know what you thought.
I figured it was time to make peace.
I'm just really glad you came.
You shit.
You could have said something.
It's a surprise party, the
point is to be surprised so.
It's been a while, Angela.
We've really missed you.
Now we're not gonna have to
pull this lame surprise stuff
every time we want to see you, are we?
Oh, it seems he's not
having such a good time.
Okay, why don't you see if
our Charlie needs a drink?
Why?
Because I asked and because
I used small words, honey.
Hey Charlie, what's up?
Looks like we both got lucked
out to this thing, huh?
Those Mitchell women, huh?
Yeah, tell me about it.
Hey, you need a drink?
Sure you do.
What's your poison?
Beer if you got it.
Hey Steve, how about
making yourself useful
and getting our man here Charlie a brew?
Nice knife.
Looks like the beer's in the kitchen.
Hold on a second, I'll be back.
Look, you don't have to
go to any trouble for me.
Oh, let him.
It's a rare treat, believe me.
Well, I'm not big on the speeches
so before I dig into that cake
and gain about a hundred pounds,
I just want to say thank you
for doing this for me tonight.
I'm glad I came out, really.
You guys definitely went all out
to kick this evening off right.
I hope bud light's okay.
He's dead.
Oh my god.
The kitchen's empty.
Well, he has to be there.
Maybe crawled out the goddamn window.
My point is, the kitchen's empty.
Where's the phone?
We need to call the police.
I'monit.
The line's dead.
Oh, fucking terrific.
Charlie.
I gotta go get him.
One of you should go get help.
How?
We all arrived by limo.
Fine, Doug, take my car no get help.
Okay, you can get up now.
This fake blood tastes like shit.
Definitely want to help with that one.
You know, you could have
made this a lot easier
on all of us if me, Patrick, and Steve
just took the scum ball out back
and beat the shit out of him.
Yes, but that lacks finesse.
Finesse and legality.
You boys take Charlie out back
and beat him up and you're
up on assault charges.
My way is much cleaner.
Funny, I didn't know you
liked your filth so clean.
Oh, we're talking shop, Brett.
Save the sex talk for later.
Did you see his face?
It's working.
I'm the queen bitch of deception.
How easily I forget.
Now remember, in a few
minutes the power goes out,
the phones are dead,
and nobody has their
cell phones with them.
No, the phones are dead.
Which means that everybody had better
turn their goddamn cell phones off.
And Angela's car battery
has mysteriously died.
You made sure the cars are
all hidden out back, right?
Right.
Good.
So we're trapped here.
Steve is dead, stabbed
to death, major panic.
Okay, now someone gets the bright idea
to go look for either a phone...
What?
Excuse me, queen, but
if there's no phones
why the hell are we split
up to go look for one?
And if this place is deserted,
which I think it is,
then why would even think
about going to look for a phone?
Doug darling, you're being an asshole.
Okay, you can go look for a phone,
a nearby farm house to get help,
a fucking tampon, I don't care.
Just find a reason to
split up into small groups.
Now one by one, you guys will get killed.
The idea being that
everyone is playing along
with this scenario except
Charlie and Angela.
Now you just get stabbed
with a phony knife,
you lay there, you spit up some
stage blood, and that's it.
This murder mystery weekend
is my best idea yet.
Charlie?
Angela, I'm sorry.
They're gonna try and
get ahold of the police.
We have to stay with the others, okay?
1 can't go back in there.
Charlie, we have to.
I can't.
The blood, it's...
Charlie, I know, I'm scared
out of my mind, all right?
Not half as much as I am.
We should stay together.
It's the only way we can be safe.
That's not true.
Charlie, you need to
get yourself together.
We need to leave.
No.
Steve was my friend.
I just get up and leave my
sister, all my old friends.
I have to stay.
We have to stay until Doug gets help.
I'm not talking to the police.
Charlie, Jesus Christ,
what's wrong with you?
Look, if we're not
leaving, I need to be outside
of this house somewhere safe, something.
You're babbling now.
Angela, I love you but I can't do this.
What, you're just gonna run off?
I can't handle this.
Charlie.
Look, is the game over or
are we gonna have to run around
this dump playing scream all night?
Oh, my friends, this
game has only just begun.
This is my business venture.
After tonight, we're gonna have
the hottest weekend getaway
in the city.
Yeah, and Charlie will
end up in a rug room
writing home with crayolas.
Hey, kill two birds with one stone.
Who's the killer?
Oh, everybody meet
professional actor Wallace Simon.
He's playing the killer.
So how was my performance?
Well, I didn't think that
fake knife is very convincing.
What's this?
Try this instead.
I mean, if this is supposed
to be a live-action version
of a Friday the 13th movie,
then the killer is supposed
to be killing people.
Just watch when you swing
that one around, okay?
What about my script?
There's no script.
You mean I'm supposed to
prance around in this ridiculous
outfit and stab people?
That's it?
You want a stuntman.
Listen, I have a drama degree
from west Covina community college.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
So does my gardener.
Look, I'm paying you 100 bucks an hour
so you better start
listening to the director.
Your job is simple.
On cue you jump out from behind the gazebo
and you attack Julie
and Patrick when I say.
Got it?
It's not Shakespeare.
Now you two go on to the
courtyard where Charlie and Angela
aren't gonna see you
and get all dolled up.
Remember the blood pump
that I showed you earlier?
Use that.
I think there's a slashed
throat too that we can use.
We're supposed to go out
by the gazebo and get killed?
Not quite.
Brett and Doug, when
Angela and Charlie show up
you two take them into
the study, you know,
stay together, safety in numbers,
who knows where the killer might be.
Blah, blah, blah, blah,
and you wait for my signal.
You guys better get going.
So, um, what's the signal
that we're waiting for?
I's just like the horror movies.
The power will suddenly go out.
Now bear in mind now that Julie's gone,
Patrick's gone, and I'm gone.
Where are you gonna be?
I'm gonna be out by the
gazebo directing traffic.
But the story is we all went
looking for Angela and Charlie.
Now when the power goes out,
you guys are too freaked
to stay in the house,
so you take them out to the gazebo.
They'll see Julie and Patrick get whacked.
It should be enough.
Just make sure Charlie's there to see it.
You wait out by the gazebo.
I'll be out there in a minute
to tell you when to pop out and do thing.
Okay.
Everybody else clear
on what we have to do?
Steve, you just lay there play dead.
Don't get up or I'll really kill you.
Brett and Doug, when
Angela and Charlie show up
just play along like I said.
Yes, your fucking highness.
Why do we hang out with her again?
Because she's usually
the one with the coke
and the ecstasy.
Oh yeah.
Damn, I gotta take a leak.
Hello?
Is someone in here?
I saw you.
No lights, of course, no lights.
I've seen bus stations more
sanitary than this place.
Fyi, I didn't agree to get
those pranks pulled on me.
I'm just here to act.
Shit!
Yep, we're all having fun.
I've seen snuff treat their
actors better than this.
I hate this job.
Nice try.
The blood doesn't even look real.
Who are you, my understudy?
Man, am I really gonna
have to do this all night?
This sucks.
Shut up and play along, Steve.
Somebody's coming.
Doug, what the hell are you doing here?
I thought you were gonna go get help.
I was but I tried to start your car
and the the battery's dead.
- What?
- Yeah.
This is totally fucked up.
What are we gonna do, Doug?
We?
What we?
I mean, I know what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna haul ass out of here.
What about Steve?
We're not just gonna leave him like this.
I don't know.
Maybe we can come back and carry him,
where did everybody else go?
They went to find a
phone to call the police.
Oh, Jesus.
Did they at least stay together
with that killer out there?
Hello?
Look, I told you,
I don't know when I'm
gonna be done with it.
Just quit fucking calling me.
Uh, look, now is not a good time,
let me call you back in a few.
What the hell is going on around here?
What is this?
Some kind of a sick joke?
Not exactly.
Look, Kristin enlisted you and Charlie
to be the Guinea pigs for tonight.
She's got this scheme
she's been trying to get lifted for years.
This murder mystery weekend,
just the cool people.
A bunch of kids trapped in an
old house with a mass killer.
It's really stupid.
Oh yeah, it's mega stupid.
I thought Steve really got
killed, so did Charlie.
I should have known you guys
wouldn't have just thrown me
a party 'cause you were sweethearts.
When were you let us in on the plan?
Look, we didn't mean no harm.
I mean, you know how Kristin
is, she's always scheming.
You remember what she was like in college.
Yeah, yeah, she's a total drama queen.
What are you guys bitching about?
I'm the one who has to lay
on the floor all night.
This was supposed to be the test run
for her murder mystery weekend.
You guys are all supposed to go first.
Yeah.
She thinks she can make
a fortune out of this
if it works out.
Yeah, you know, another fortune.
Where is she?
1 don't know but I should
probably go find her.
See if she needs some help.
Is everybody else
gonna split up now, too?
Well, you and I are actually
supposed to wait in the study.
Well, I'm sorry, I can't do that.
Charlie took off.
That thing was Steve
really freaked him out.
Well, we are 20 miles from town,
I don't think he's gonna get too far.
Well, I don't want him going anywhere,
he's really shaken up.
I'm sure if we wait in
this study he'll come back
and we can explain the whole thing to him.
Do you want to go outside and get lost?
Because I don't, okay?
Trust me.
Just wait in this study
with me and Kristin's
probably found him by now or Brett will.
Okay, but if he's not back in 10 minutes
we go looking for him.
What about me?
Can I can go wait in the study too?
Look, you just lie
down and act dead, okay?
We don't want to piss Kristin off.
Oh, man.
Here kitty-kitty.
Here super bitch.
Where the fuck are you, Kristin?
Man, if you left the truck
I'm gonna kick your ass.
Great, where the hell is everybody?
Earl?
Cosmo?
Damn it.
What the hell is this shit?
So are you mad at me because of this?
I just don't understand
why you have to jump
every time she says to, that's all.
It's complicated.
Take a cue from me.
I do my own thing, Kristin does hers.
So I guess you don't mind
that she's up there right
now with Mr. 501 blues?
You of all people should know
I'm not the jealous type.
Well, I guess that was
maybe just when you and I
were going out.
Things change I guess.
1 guess I have lousy
luck with guys, huh?
I know what you mean.
You all need to leave Charlie alone.
It's not like I'm picking on Charlie.
Alls I'm saying is that our Kristin here
probably has an agenda.
And what is her agenda?
Well, you cut right
to the chase, don't you?
I'm just saying that I'm sure
Kristin thinks it's funny
to watch you squirm, okay.
I mean you know how she is.
She she brings out the worst in people.
And what about Charlie?
You're all gonna treat him like a leper
because he doesn't have your money?
Look, don't you lump me
in with those guys, okay.
I like you and I like Charlie.
Then why did you play along
with this game of Kristin's?
Look, nevermind why
Kristin's doing this, okay.
I had my own ulterior motives.
Oh for Christ's sake.
Shit's making my clothes
itch my freaking back.
Kristin?
Somebody?
Goddamn it.
Wallace, back so soon?
Could you me a favor and find Kristin?
Tell her Charlie's gone.
I don't think he's coming back
and I'm not laying here in blood anymore.
Did you hear what I said?
Jesus.
Doug, when did you get
interested in me again?
In you?
I was talking about Charlie.
Ah ha, very funny.
Okay, seriously, what's wrong?
He's having nightmares.
It's messing up his job,
it's messing up his, oh.
Oh.
You know, huh?
So you guys haven't
been doing the nasty?
Yeah.
Ooh, poor baby.
Well have you thought about
taking him to a psychologist?
No, we tried that.
They've tried meds to even
him out, nothing works.
Maybe Charlie can't be fixed.
What's supposed to happen
if the gazebo, do you know?
Who knows what's going
through Kristin's mind
but all I know is she's probably
having the time of her life.
I think we should go after Charlie.
Look, Charlie will be fine.
Hey, everybody's outside
and if he's out there too,
I'm sure they probably found him by now
and even what I meant on the joke.
You didn't see his face,
Doug, he was terrified.
I know but he'll calm down
and you just need to relax.
Oh god, I cannot believe
we're gonna have to wear this stuff.
Eh, come on, it'll be fun.
Does it wash it off?
Sure, I'll even be the guy
who scrubs you down afterwards.
Ooh, I can't wait for that part.
Do you think Kristin's gonna
bitch at us if she sees us
messing around out here?
We're all alone, okay?
What about that Wallace guy?
Trust me, nobody's gonna come out here.
Boo!
Oh my god.
Nice going, Brett.
What?
I thought you're supposed to be inside
with Doug and Angela waiting
for the power to go out?
Yeah and I thought
you guys were supposed
to be getting ready to get
killed out by the gazebo, so.
We are getting ready.
Yeah, sure looked like it.
I went to find Kristin
to see if she needed
any help setting up.
Did you guys see her?
Check out the gazebo.
We'll be out there in a few minutes.
Jesus, can this get
any more complicated?
Nevermind all that.
What the hell happened to the lights?
That's that's our cue, okay.
It looks like Kristin's
got our little party
in high gear here so
it's off to the gazebo.
- Doug?
- Yes?
You don't really think Kristin out there
after Charlie do you?
Who knows what Kristin's after?
You'd probably know better than I would.
What about Charlie?
I don't know.
What about Charlie?
You think he's with Kristin right now?
1 don't know Charlie well
enough to make that judgment
call but I will say one
thing, she has tried before.
What?
Yeah, it was a while ago
just after you two started dating.
She made a play for him at some party,
she was drunk off her ass, okay.
But she practically did
a striptease for him
in front of everybody.
And?
And he said no.
But you know how Kristin is.
Never say no to her, so the
next night she showed up
at his place in a mink
coat and nothing else.
Bitch.
Don't worry, he threw her out.
Which explains a lot.
Except for the fact
that he never told you.
There's a lot of things
Charlie hasn't told me.
Like about what happened to his parents.
Maybe he will in time.
Maybe.
That looks pretty bad, Steve.
Well, I give this to him.
He's sure doing a hell of an acting job.
Are you gonna do this all night?
Hmm, fine.
My sister, one-in-a-million.
Only Kristin could get a
bunch of Ivy league grads
to lay down and play dead.
Next thing you know she'll
be having him play fetch.
She does have that way with men.
Who is that?
Oh, it's that drama
student Kristin hired.
Yeah, well he's supposed
to be out at the gazebo.
Let's go tell him to follow us.
Hey, Wallace, we'd better
hightail it out to the gazebo.
Mattress checks out.
Terrific.
Maybe the poor bastard's
having a love affair
with the plastic skeleton.
Yeah, maybe he really is a psycho.
Yeah.
Great, the power's out.
That means we missed our cue.
It looks like the guy snuck
out of the bathroom window.
Are you serious?
Yeah, he probably
headed up to the gazebo.
We should probably get out there.
Who cares, Patrick?
I don't.
Look, we can lock the doors.
We can lock the windows.
Nobody gets in and we can do
whatever the hell we want to.
Right?
Shouldn't we tell Kristin?
Sure.
I mean like right now?
Before Doug gets Charlie
and Angela out by the gazebo
and nothing's happening?
You're wrecking the mood.
Since you're still
dressed just run about there
and tell her we need a
15-minute break, please.
You want me to go all the way out there?
Don't shave your cell phone?
Can't you just call her?
It's around here somewhere, hold on.
Forget it.
Look, I'll go.
Don't move and don't put
any more clothes back on.
Brett?
Kristin?
My turn?
What the hell.
Is this gonna be bloody
cuz it's a real shame
to ruin this dress.
Found it.
Damn, look at her go.
That looks great.
That's a lot of frigging blood, man.
We're gonna take a frigging shower.
I guess we're off the hook.
It's pretty freaky, Julie.
I guess Kristin changed the plot, huh?
I'm gonna call her and see
if it's okay if I just splash
some blood on myself and call it a day.
Julie.
I can't believe this.
Where the hell is everybody?
I don't know but I think at least Steve
got the right idea, just play dead
and stay the hell out of it
for the rest of the night.
So they were supposed to
meet us out here, right?
I know Patrick and Julie were.
And Kristin?
That I don't know.
So one of us get
stabbed with a fake knife?
I can't tell you everything now can I?
Damn it.
Sorry, I've been doing that all night.
Why the hell aren't you over
there with Doug and Angela?
I went to find you to see
if you needed help setting up.
Why don't you help me by
staying with Doug and Angela?
Excuse me for caring.
Where's Charlie?
Who cares?
We're alone and we got all night together.
Yeah, you want me, okay.
You gonna answer my question, or what?
1 don't know, Angela
said Charlie bugged out
and ran off somewhere.
That's not good is it?
I need to know exactly where he is.
Why, what you deal with him?
I don't get it.
Nevermind, all that you need
to know is he screwed me over
awhile back and I'm getting even tonight.
We have another problem.
No Patrick, no Julie, and no killer.
I thought they'd be here by now.
I'll go get them.
You go find Charlie.
And where is Wallace?
If you see him could you tell
him to stop fucking around
on my time and do his job?
No problem.
I don't think anybody's gonna show up.
Oh, it's Charlie.
He's running back inside.
Anybody in here?
Hey, it's Wallace, right?
Look, Kristin's really pissed off.
You were supposed to be at the gazebo.
Hey, did you hear me, man?
You want to take that
fucking mask off, or what?
I'm not playing games, man.
I think Steve must have fallen asleep.
Find him, where's Charlie?
I don't know.
Bullshit.
That sounded like it
came from the basement.
Basement?
Charlie?
Well at least we know
Wallace was down here.
Are you sure?
Pretty sure.
Jesus Christ, why didn't you answer me?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
Charlie, thank god you're okay.
Steve's not really dead.
This whole thing is Kristin's
sick little business venture.
Fake knives and kool-aid blood.
It doesn't matter, it
just all came flooding back.
The nightmares?
Listen, I think it's it's about time
we went over a few things.
What are you talking about?
This whole murder mystery
thing is one giant setup.
Kristin knows about Charlie's mom and dad.
My parents were killed a few years ago.
Murdered.
I was the eyewitness.
I've spent years in therapy.
I almost killed myself twice.
I thought I was over it but I saw Steve...
You should have told me.
Jesus, Charlie.
You should have told me.
So what was the master plan?
Humiliate Charlie, make him crazy?
Tell me, goddamn it.
She wanted Charlie to flip
out and distance you two, okay.
She she doesn't want Charlie in your life.
Okay, that's what she said at any rate.
What I think is that she
really wanted revenge.
She figured that you
wouldn't want him anymore
if he's in the loony bin.
You wouldn't happen to know
where she is now, would you?
I swear, I don't know.
Fine, then I'll go back
upstairs and look for her.
Doug, is the battery in my car really dead
or is that just part of the gag?
Part of the gag, of course.
Great, I want you to take
my car and drive Charlie home.
You still have the keys?
Yeah.
Are you gonna be okay?
So wait, I take Charlie home, then what?
Then everybody is going
to be asked to leave.
Everybody except Kristin.
I want to be alone with
my sister for a while.
Why?
'Cause goody two-shoes Angela
might be knocking her fucking
teeth out, that's why.
Hey man, listen.
I am really sorry about
this whole thing, okay.
But if it's any consolation
I don't think Kristin is gonna be messing
with anybody much after this.
It's all right, man.
Don't worry about it.
I'm fine.
So, where to?
I say we go get shit-faced.
I think I've messed with my mind
more than enough for one evening.
Oh, come on.
Jose cuervos, loosen
you up, calm you down.
Hey, remember college?
Freshman year?
Did you ever tell Angela about us?
Did you?
How open-minded is she?
Well, it's not as if I was exactly
pushing the envelope when
her and I were dating.
Now it's just you and me why don't you
tell me what the hell
you're doing in the middle
of all this?
Charlie, listen, I had no choice, okay.
Kristin knows about you and I.
Yeah, and she was gonna
tell my parents, okay.
I mean, they would disinherit me.
How the hell does Kristin know?
Oh man, she knows every
skeleton in everyone's closet.
Every skeleton?
Every skeleton.
Jesus Christ.
What if Angela finds out?
I need a drink.
Hey now that sounds like
the Charlie I know and love.
What about Angela?
Well, who's to say Angela
can't come along for the ride?
I can't.
I should go get her before
she and Kristin get into something ugly.
Kristin, your little game is over.
I know what's going on.
Come on out, bitch.
I'm ready to play in your way.
Terrific.
Now what?
Excuse me.
Patrick.
Patrick.
Come on Patrick, you're
always good for a drink.
You can stop playing for
a minute and tell me where
the hell Kristin is.
Patrick, go ahead and answer your phone.
I know this whole thing is your stupid
fucking murder mystery
weekend or whatever.
Who is this?
Help.
Please.
Doug?
Is that you?
What the hell's going on?
Charlie, Charlie,
there's somebody out there.
Somebody's really killing people.
What?
I saw Patrick, Julie, and
Brett, they're all dead.
What have you done, Kristin?
I just wanted Charlie gone, okay?
I didn't know.
I had no idea.
Everybody's dead.
I know.
I didn't think that he would do this.
I just thought that he'd
freak out and you'd hate him
and he'd be gone.
He almost got me, got you.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so goddamn sorry.
What the hell are you talking about?
Don't come any closer,
Charlie, or I'll stab you,
I swear to god.
Angela get away from him.
Look at that, he's got a
knife, he's gonna kill us.
You know I would never kill anybody.
He killed all of our friends.
He's psychotic, you know that.
- Shut up!
- No!
Oh, god.
I killed her.
Perfect.
Bravo.
Oh that's right, Charlie.
Innocent little me sets up
a murder mystery weekend
to freak out my older sister's boyfriend.
Oh yeah, I'm a jealous bitch with money.
Only I had no idea would set
off your homicidal tendencies.
Whoops.
How could you do this?
You just don't get it, Charlie.
I love horror movies, love them.
In Friday the 13th, that's great shit.
Without getting caught.
That's how I came up with this whole
murder mystery weekend thing.
It's the perfect crime and
you're the perfect patsy.
Some working-class nut
job with a case history.
My hands are clean.
I'll tell them what really happened.
Oh, and who do you think
they're gonna believe,
psycho boy?
But how could you kill them all?
No, see.
That's where you're confused.
You killed them.
I brought you out here,
you saw some fake murders,
you flipped out and went ape
shit with a butcher's knife.
You get life in jail,
Angela gets a tacky funeral,
and I get alla mommy and
daddy's inheritance money.
Like I said, the perfect crime.
You bitch.
You killed your friends for money?
What friends?
A pack of losers that kiss my ass to ride
on my cocaine train?
You're crazy.
Whatever.
You better stay put.
I already called the cops
about five minutes ago.
The only prints they're
gonna find are on the knife
that you stabbed my sister with.
Wait a minute.
That's wrong.
That knife looks fake.
Where is she?
That was a great idea you had
about framing me for this shit.
It's too bad I had the same idea.
No.
This is for showing up at Charlie's
in nothing but that mink
coat you stole from me.
How you gonna explain this
when the cops show up?
It was self-defense.
Kristin goes section
eight and kills everybody.
Gets pissed when things
don't go the way she thought
they would, comes at you with a knife.
You had to protect yourself.
The end.
Have you ever done this before?
It's amazing what you come up with
under the right circumstances.
You were gone for a long time.
Where the hell were you all night?
Following your sister,
she was really busy.
I can't believe she
killed everyone, even Doug.
He's the only one I actually liked.
Me, too.
It was so horrible.
I heard Doug getting killed
on Patrick's cell phone.
You know the weird thing is
Kristin was at the caretaker's
apartment two seconds later to get me.
Well, you know your sister,
she never does anything halfway.
But no human can move that fast.
Thank god we stopped her.
Poor Kristin.
I guess we should have told her the part
about how your family used to live here.
Well, I didn't want
to ruin the surprise.
They never did find the
guys who killed your parents,
did they?
No, they never did.