Finding Bliss (2009) Movie Script
[ woman ]
All right, I want you to have
a couple bites, all right ?
[ man ]
I think that you need to
focus more on your academics.
No, she did all her
homework before dinner.
Dressing, honey ?
Sure, thank you.
All right.
[ woman ]
Sex has been a disaster
for me my entire life.
Daddy ?
[ man ]
Mm-hmm ?
What's a blow job ?
[ screaming ]
I couldn't say "blow job"
for ten years after that.
Let alone give one.
But I could still
wonder about it.
Especially if it
had anything to do with
French-kissing Bobby Daples.
But even then,
when it came to sex--
total disaster.
By the time the bottle
finally landed on Bobby,
he must have watched me
kiss over 100 boys.
I'm not kissing you.
You're a slut.
I didn't kiss another boy
until my last year
of college.
[ woman ]
Promise it won't hurt ?
[ man ]
No, no, honey,
it's not gonna hurt at all.
Really ?
Trust me.
It's gonna feel great.
You're gonna
absolutely love this.
Okay.
Trust me.I'm a little scared.
[ screaming ]
He dumped me the next day,
and I finally accepted
the harsh truth.
I sucked at sex.
Romance ?
That was a whole
other story.
I gotta go.
Oh, come on.
You're torturing me.
It's gonna be
worth the wait.
Honestly, I knew it wasn't worth
the wait for either one of us,
but as long as I was
in the power position,
I was happy.
But there was one place
where love was honest,
selfless and eternal.
It was the closest I could come
to succeeding in love...
and sex.
I didn't just fall in love
with watching them,
I fell in love
with making them.
I could rearrange reality
the way I wanted...
and it was addictive.
Jody, this has to be,
hands down,
the best fucking
sex I've ever had.
I can't believe you're
a virgin.
That's impossible.
Two years later, I was
graduating from NYU Film School.
[ applauding ]
And now for our
final award.
Mr. Marshall,
if you please.
Professor Emerich,
thank you.
This year's special award
for Best Student Film
goes to...
Jody Balaban.
Whoa, yes !
[ cheering ]
Jody, where are you ?
Jody, wait !
That's Garry Marshall
up there, okay ?
Show him those lips are
good for giving more than
an acceptance speech.
"Pretty Woman," baby !
"Pretty Woman" !
Hi, here you go.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Hi, our friendly
filmmaker.
Take a picture.
Who are these people ?
Oh, those are my parents.
Ah, for the parents.
It was the best day
of my life.
The day I knew I was
destined to do great things.
[ Jody ]
Hi, it's Jody Balaban calling
again for Mr. Marshall.
Sure, I can call back in six
months, but I'd really like to--
[ dial tone ]
After a year in LA,
I realized the closest I'd ever
get to directing
was directing traffic.
I just wanted to
drop my rsum off.
He gave me the Best
Student Film award.
This is crazy.
I've sent out hundreds of copies
of my script,
my film and my rsum.
I've spent more money on postage
than I have on my rent.
[ phone ringing ]
[ woman ]
Mr. Marshall's office.
Hi, it's Jody Balaban
for Mr. Marshall.
Wait, didn't you
call yesterday ?
Yes, I called--[ dial tone ]
I'd answered ads for every job
in this business
and I can't get
anyone to call me back.
[ horn honking ]
[ tires screeching ]
Asshole !
That asshole was
the one that hit me !
It was the fifth job I was
fired from in a year.
But at least
I still had my dignity.
Fuck !
So what'd you think ?
It's even better than
it was before.
Oh, really ?Yeah, really, really.
Jody, it's hilarious, but you
have rewritten this thing
100 times and you are still
the only one that's read it.
You gotta get it out there,
you know ?
You gotta get it
read by somebody who matters.
I can't get anyone to
return my calls.
You know that.
You have to network.
You have to go out
and play the game.
I moved out here a month
after you
and I'm already
working for Joel Metzger.
The hottest--
Exec in town.
Yeah.
I know
and that's different.
Why ?
Because I wanna
break into producing ?
No, because you're
blowing him.
I should just make
the movie myself.
We could shoot it
super low-budget.
"We" ?
You said yourself,
it's a great script.
Yeah, Jody,
but be realistic.
How are you gonna
afford camera,
lights, a crew, sets ?
I mean, you're broke.
I could sell my grandma's
engagement ring.
That is a family heirloom.
Your parents
would kill you.
All artists make sacrifices
for their dreams.
Put your big dreams
aside for a little while.
You're 24 years old.
Go on a date
or something.
Good night, I love you.
I love you, too.
Who am I kidding ?
I'd love some romance
in my life,
but I can't
afford to lose my focus.
Not now.
I just needed one yes.
Someone who'd
give me a chance.
[ beep ]
[ man ]
You have
one new message.
[ woman ]
Hi, honey, it's Mom.
I just finished your
screenplay.
Oh, I just--
I don't know what to say.
It's outstanding.
You have to
call me.
[ beep ]
[ phone ringing ]
[ man ]
Hey, how you doing ?
This is Gary calling from
Irene Fox's office.
You answered
our ad in the paper
for the editor position ?
Irene was really impressed
with your rsum
and would
love to meet you ASAP.
Yes !
[ Jody ]
Hi, it's so nice
to meet you.
[ bones cracking ]
Ow.
Oh, you too.
You just relax,
sit down, hon.
Okay.
What a cute blazer,
I love it.
I just wanted to say how
excited I am to meet you
and as much as I'd love
the opportunity
to be an in-house editor,
what I really wanna do
is be a filmmaker.
Oh, no, I know.
I saw your student film,
it was very impressive.
You watched it ?
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
You have just this
incredible
female point of view,
which is really gonna be
a plus on Jeff's movie.
Jeff ?
Jeff Drake.
The director you'll be
working with.
Oh.
You've never
heard of him ?
I'm really embarrassed to
say that I haven't.
How many films
has he directed ?
Oh, not that many lately.
I'm gonna say
four this year.
This year ?
Mmm.
Wow, that's incredible.
What's his
best-known movie ?
"Charlie's Anals.""Charlie's Angels" ?
No !
[ laughing ]
Honey, you're cute.
No, "Charlie's Anals."
Shipped 20,000 copies
last month.
Uh... uh...
Oh.
Uh... oh.
Uh... oh !
Oh, oh, oh, uh...
This is-- this is--
this is-- um...
I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
This is a huge mistake,
because I answered this ad
in the "Daily Variety,"
which said, "Up-and-coming
production company
seeks self-starters for a
challenging editing position."
Well, we are
up-and-coming.
[ laughing ]
I didn't mean it...
I didn't realize
that this was a porn--
No-- uh, we do not use
the "P" word here, honey.
The "P" word
is pass.
It's adult entertainment.
Look, every single applicant
I've interviewed for this job
thinks it's a nine-to-five
jack fest.
I want someone with
real filmmaking talent.
You are a smart, young woman
with an accessible
point of view.
That's invaluable
if we're gonna make it
into the mainstream.
Don't get me wrong,
nobody shoots sex better
than Jeff Drake, trust me.
But he's a little out of touch
with his romantic side.
And romance,
that's what we need
if we're gonna pull in
the female demographic
and make it
onto the big screen.
It's gonna be
on the big screen ?
In the top
art-house markets.
Los Angeles, New York,
Miami.
Miami-- great.
My parents
could see it.
Oh, good.
Look, I've...
I've never even
seen a porn--
Hey, no "P"--
Adult film.
Fabulous.
You'll have
the fresh perspective
we're so desperately
in need of.
Why don't you
keep it overnight,
check it out,
and I want your answer first
thing in the morning.
All right.
Thanks, Jody.
Hi, this is Jody Balaban
calling for Garry Marshall.
It's a matter of grave
importance.
[ woman ]
He's not available.
Can I take a message ?
Ahh !
God, I would have loved to
have seen your face, though,
at a porn company ?
Little Miss Virgin
lost in a bay of pigs.
I'm not a virgin.
Excuse me, when a girl's
genitals become petrified,
she's reclassified a virgin.
Beats sleeping
with my married boss.
That's getting tired.
At least I'm willing to make
a sacrifice for my art.
Sound familiar ?
I'm willing to do
whatever it takes.
So am I, you know ?
I should just take that job
at the porn company.
Even edit my movie there.
What movie ?
[ tires screeching ]
Hey, you must be Jody.
I'm Gary.
I'm gonna be your
tour guide here at Grind
and I figured we'd start
at the editing room.
It's this way.
I'm actually
head of tech support.
So, you know, if you need
some technical help,
I would be...
the technical guru.
Well, I haven't actually
accepted the job yet.
Right, yes,
I know, so...
Of course.
This is just one of our
small editing rooms.
This is not locked.
Well, here it is.
That's our logo.
Pretty cool, right ?
Well, I hope you
take the job.
Actually be nice to
have a pretty face
like yours working here.Thanks.
One that doesn't have
a freakishly large penis
jammed into it.
Oh, fuck me,
that just popped out.
I'm so sorry, that was so
terribly inappropriate.
Oh, fucking, just beat me with
a baseball bat at this moment.
It's okay, it's okay.
I didn't mean to
say that to you.
It's okay.
Thank you so much
for the tour,
but I really
have to get going.
Why don't you just at least
see the soundstage ?
There's a soundstage ?We have a soundstage, yeah.
It's down this way.
Well, this is it.
Just shot
"Gladiator" here.
He shot "Gladiator" here ?
Uh...
Yeah, no, it's...
"Glad He Ate Her."
Vagina.
I know, it's not--
Anyway, this was actually
just a warehouse
'til Irene took over,
now it's one of the busiest
soundstages in town.
They actually shot
200 movies this year alone.
It's like a few
movies a week.
If you can imagine...
Action.
Action, action, action.
Cut !
If you imagine it, y'know,
they probably shot it here.
There's a fridge filled with
film stock in the back
and lighting
and sound.
The whole nine yards.
This place has
everything we need.
I couldn't have planned it
any better-- it's perfect.
I'll edit their porno movies during the day...Oh, my God.
... and make my movie at night.
What if we get caught ?
We won't get caught.
If we shoot a few hours every
night after everybody
leaves the building,
no one will
ever have to know.
We could wrap the movie
in under a month.
An editing job ?
Oh, honey,
I'm so happy for you.
I knew if you would call
Garry Marshall--
I knew that
would be the answer.
And full benefits,
you said ?
I got everything.
Even a parking space.
It's about time you have
a respectable job, Jody.
Something worthy of
your talents.
Honey, what else has
the company done ?
Because you know
what we're gonna do ?
We're gonna rent every movie
they ever did from
Blockbuster. No, you can't.
They're an up-and-coming
company.
They're just
getting off the ground.
Even better.
You'll grow
with the company.
It's like I've always said.
Just because it's
Hollywood
doesn't mean
you have to sell your soul.
All you need are talent
and connections,
then you can look any
producer square in the eyes
and tell him with
dignity to--
"Fuck me in the ass !
Harder, harder,
oh, baby !"
Who's line is it ?
Oh, oh...
"Oh, yeah,
take that black dick.
You like that big black
fucking dick ?"
Yo, idiot,
that's my line.
Yeah, you just
slap my ass.
Where does it
say that ?
[ Gary ]
Stage directions, Dick.
They're called stage
directions.
Oh.
Okay, right here.
Okay, Jody, why don't you
read those for us.
Me ?Yeah, right here.
Thank you.
Uh... okay.
"He grunts as he spreads
her wet...
He inserts his
rock-hard cock..."
You know what,
I'm just the editor.
Can she read them ?
[ Irene ]
You'll have that by Thursday.
Oh, hi, guys.
Marty's just finished the new
draft of the script.
Hopefully you can have it
all memorized by Monday.
Monday ?
Uh-huh.
I'd rather throw in
a DP for free.
DP.
That's director of
photography, right ?
The double penetration.
What's a double...
Yeah.
[ Dick ]
Yes !
ATM is still in here.
Please tell me that ATM is
automated teller machine.
It is, it is, yeah.
It's also
"ass to mouth."
Okay, there we go.
Hot !
The coffee's
just really hot.
I thought it was
rather tepid.
Hey, everyone.
Jeff !
Hey, Jeff.
Sindi.
You must be
my new editor.
Oh, yes, Jeff,
this is Jody,
your new
right hand, huh ?
Oh, fantastic.
Hi.
Hi.
[ Dick ]
Ha !
Jody, you don't
wanna be his right hand.
Maybe she does.
Okay, before it gets gross,
I'm gonna go.
Have a good read.
All right, everyone,
let's read that new scene.
"Oh, baby you're giving me
a hard attack--"
No.
Dress.
No, okay, dress, sorry.
"Oh--
"Ooh, ooh, baby.
That dress is giving me
a hardattack."
[ woman ]
Maybe no is my dress.
Maybe it's my body.
I cur-vacuous girl.
[ man ]
Not "vacuous."
"Vaceous," curvaceous.
What mean "vacuous" ?
It means you're vacuuming.
Oh, God,
this piece of shit !
I mean, come on, Marty.
Really, is this the best
you can do ?
"Hard attack" ?
I mean, how many times
do I have to tell you,
we're not making another
wall-to-wall piece of crap ?
We're making a movie.
A movie to play
in a movie theater.
Do you know the difference,
Marty ?
Yeah, the viewer can't
fast-forward to the fucking.
Oh, that's funny.
You just threw my scripts
in the trash.
Marty, you're fired.
Who the hell do you
think you are, Drake ?
Orson fucking Welles ?
Y'know, go fuck yourself.
And fuck your little fantasy
about making a real movie
with this
pathetic bunch of clowns.
Get the fuck
out of here !
Hey, I heard you
went to Dartmouth.
I went to MIT.
How do people like us
end up here ?
Ah, yes,
it would be Karma.
I spent my entire adolescence
whacking off to porn and now--
I know I'd rather watch
gall bladder surgery
on Discover.
Not to whack off to.
No, that would--
that would be gross.
I don't do that.
You're over here,
so...
I believe you.
Oh, this is my
editing room.
It's pretty sweet,
right ?
Only the best
for my new editor.
Gary, you mind giving us
a minute ?
Yeah, you got it, pal.
Have a seat.
Irene showed me your
student film and I loved it.
Especially the writing.
Thank you.
I have
a proposition for you.
You help me rewrite Marty's
piece-of-shit script,
and I will
double your salary.
What do you say ?
Irene hired me
as an editor.
Yeah, now you've
been promoted.
You'll be my
editor and my writer.
I really don't think I'm
gonna have the time.
No, listen, this could be
a huge opportunity for you.
I want this film to be
released
in an art house.
It's a movie about a bride
who willingly gets gangbanged
before her own wedding.
That's true, that is true.
Good writing
will legitimize it,
get people to pay attention.
But in the meantime,
I need to make sure
you can handle
cutting hard-core.
What's this ?
That's the star
of my movie, Bliss.
It's a trial run
of her opening.
I think of that as a little
test drive for my editor.
Fine.
What's to test ?
Fuck me, you little
piece of shit !
[ man ]
Yeah, I'm gonna come !
Oh, the hell you are !
You don't make me come first,
I'm gonna yank your little dick off.
Oh, my God. You want it, Bliss, huh ?
Yeah.
I'm gonna give it to you, you
dirty, little fucking slut !
I am a dirty fucking slut !
You're a slut.
You're a slut.
[ groaning ]
Jody is a slut.
Remember junior high,
dreaming about Bobby Daples ?
Even then your little
hoo-ha was on fire.
Oh, no, I'm thinking
about Bobby's pee-pee
during my own
Bat Mitzvah.
It's fucking priceless.
Now look at you.
Hiding behind your work so
you don't have to deal with
the sweaty complications
of real life.
Just remember,
wherever you go,
there you are.
Oh, Bliss,
I'm gonna come !
[ moaning ]
[ girl ]
Of course I have needs,
but I'm not about to give my
body over to some man
who's only interested
in me giving him a blow--
Okay !
Thank you so much.
That's--
that'll be all.
How old was she, 12 ?
No.
How many more girls
do we have left ?
Reading for Katie ?
Just one.
That's it ?
Brandi Snow,
why don't you come in ?
Hi.
[ Sindi ]
I love your script.
It's so funny.
Actually, I didn't write it,
the director did.
She'll be in in a minute.
Do you wanna come in ?Okay.
Ow, what is your problem ?
That's Sindi.
It's one of the porn stars
from Grind.
Wait a second.
Brandi Snow is her real name
and Sindi's her porn name ?
Just read her
and get her out of here.
Okay.
[ man ]
I'm gonna come.
[ woman ] On it, not in it !
Fucking slut !
Hey, I got you
some coffee.
Thanks.
What'd you think of
Bliss ?
She is something else.
Yeah, yeah,
she's a force of nature.
A woman who's totally in touch
with her sexuality,
no excuses, no apologies.
And you're gonna be spending
a lot of time with her.
Here.
What's this ?
Directions to my house.
I'm having a party
tomorrow night
before our
first day of shooting.
I'd like for you to come up
and get to know
the talent as people,
not just scary sex machines.
Thanks for asking,
but I can't.
Oh, I'm not asking.
I'm highly suggesting.
Just ignore how handsome Jeff
is when you see him, okay ?
We only have to stay
for a couple of minutes.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me,
don't I know you ?
Oh, no,
I don't think so, no.
Did we do that strap-on scene
in Brad's kitchen last week ?
No.
Wait, wait, you--
you're that girl
I auditioned for.
Oh, right.
What is she doing here ?
Kathleen is
my best friend.
We went to film school
together.
You-- you have to
read her script.
It is so awesome.
You really think so ?
Yeah, I mean, I know I'm
not right to play Katie,
but what I wouldn't
give to be in that movie.
You wanna be
a real actress ?
It's been my dream since--
since I was a kid.
So then why are
you doing porn ?
'Cause it's tough trying to
make it in Hollywood.
It's not like
I'm gonna do it forever.
And then I have
this hot body,
so it's like God
telling me to do porn.
You just have to
believe in yourself.
That's what my mom
always tells me.
I love this song.
I gotta go, bye !
[ rock music blaring ]
[ woman ]
Shake it, girl !
I'm gonna go find
the bathroom.
Oh, God, hurry.
[ man ]
So we all came in
a martini glass
and then the chick
swallows it.
She takes the olive
and then she
bites down on that.
And that's the end
of the movie.
I've been dating that girl
from the 101 and I just--
I don't even
know if I like her.
I don't know--
how can I tell ?
You know what I do ?
If I really
like a chick...
I jack off to her.
I think all
kind of little nasty shit
that I wanna do to her,
just the prolonged one,
not the quickie one,
and then when I nut,
if I still have any sense
of emotion for her,
I call her.
What happens after you nut
if all you
wanna do is text her ?
[ woman laughing ]
[ door opening ]
It's about time
you got here.
Is this yours ?
Hell, no, that's--
that's Jeff Drakowski's.
You're Jeff Drakowski ?
The Jeff Drakowski that
directed "Mystic Shadows" ?
You might be
one of ten people
who's actually seen
that movie.
I love that movie.
It's full of so much
nuanced Romanticism
and harsh
social insights, it--
It's a pretentious
piece of crap
that couldn't
pay my phone bill.
But thanks for
the compliment.
Art isn't about
making profit.
It's about
making a human connection.
Fuck art.
Porn is about making
a human connection.
How can you say that ?
Aren't you just romanticizing
your cynicism ?
You'll understand after a few
months of Grind, believe me.
I'm not gonna
be there that long.
Then why'd you
take the job ?
Come on, Balaban,
you can tell me.
Why are you
really working at Grind ?
You're supposed to say
to work alongside
the great Jeff Drake.
All that nuanced
Romanticism crap.
Enjoy the party.
Americans have such
fascination with asshole.
I know one girl,
she fit two men
and one cucumber in her butt.
How do you call this ?
When a guy pull out and hole
stay open like this ?
It's called gaper, yes ?
Oh, thank God.
Where were you ?
I can't believe
I know what a gaper is.
Jeff Drake is
Jeff Drakowski.
Who ?
Jeff Drakowski.
You remember that amazing
film that Emerich showed
at orientation,
"Mystic Shadows" ?
Are you sure it's
the same guy ?
Yes.
[ Gary ]
Jody, hey, you made it.
Who's your pretty friend ?
That's terribly tacky--
I just said that, didn't I ?
I'm sorry, I didn't wanna
say you were pretty.
Not that you're not
pretty, I think you're very--
I'm still doing it
right as I speak to you ?
Someone, if you have a baseball
bat, now is the time.
Gary.
Yes.
This is my
best friend Kathleen.
Kathleen, Gary.Hello, I'm Gary.
She just said
that twice.
Now it's three times.
Hi.
Hi, Gary.
Pleasure.It's very nice
to meet you.
You, too.
So, hey, should we
get going ?You guys should go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jody, it's totally cool.
I'm very used to rejection,
that's why I sleep with hookers.
What ?
Yes, it's true.
I lost my virginity
to a hooker
and it's been about
500 bucks a month ever since.
And I just said that
to both of you.
Well, I totally relate.
I lost my virginity to my
best friend's stepdad,
and it's been a series of
married assholes ever since.
Really ?
Can I freshen
your drink up ?
You wanna have
another one ?
I don't know, I'm just
talking out loud again.
Okay.Great, Jody, you--
Thank you, okay.
[ Jody ]
And whenever you're ready.
Ted was the one
I waited for.
He betrayed me.
But worse than that,
he betrayed
my idea of romantic love.
Richard, I can't have
sex with you.
Katie, just say yes.
No.
[ Jody ]
Oh, my God,
that was amazing.
You guys were awesome.
[ Kathleen ]
Making a movie !
[ mother ]
Hi, honey.
Okay, tell me, has there
been any reaction
to the script ?
Actually, I'm pretty close
to getting it made.
Oh, honey,
I'm so excited--
[ doorbell ringing ]
Oh.
[ man ]
APS !
I think I have
a delivery.
Okay, I'll hang on.
I'm gonna call you
right back.
Where's Jeff ?
I can't believe
he sent a basket of dildos
into my apartment.
Jeff !
Shh, what are you doing ?
It's the first day
of Jeff's movie.
Come on.
[ women shouting ]
[ bell ringing ]
[ Jeff ]
Cut !
[ man ]
That's one hour
for lunch, guys.
Let's make sure we
clean up the set.
Great first day,
everyone.
Sindi, no beans.
No beans at lunch.
[ all chattering ]
[ woman ]
See you tomorrow, Jeff.
[ Jeff ]
Oh, I see you got
my gift basket.
Is... little Jody Balaban
all set for her
first day at school ?
That's not funny.
I'll check in
with you later.
[ microwave beeping ]
Hey.
Thanks for introducing
me to Kathleen.
I'm so glad
that it worked out.
It did.
You know, she's actually
the first normal girl
I've dated
since high school.
I mean, she's still gonna run
me like 500 bucks a month
but at least I get dinner
and a movie with my load.
[ laughing ]
That is an awful
thing to say.
"I owe you" is really--
is all I really
wanted to say.
I'll see you in a bit.
Irene.
Gary.
Oh, hey, how's
the footage looking ?
I am just about to
get started.
Excellent.
Y'know, I think you and Jeff
are gonna make a great team.
By the way, I want you to
come to me
and tell me
what you think.
I really respect
your opinion.
Okay, Irene, I actually
have a question.
Sure.
Don't you ever have any
issues with working here ?
No.
So paying women to have sex
doesn't bother you ?
Well, I pay men, too.
Actually, I pay the men
a lot less than
I pay the women, but shh.
[ computer beeping ]
[ Jeff ]
Action.
Oh, that's fabulous, Bliss.
[ woman whispering ]
Baby...
Come on, I want it more.
Come on, I want it more.
I love it, baby.
Give it to me.
Oh, come on, baby.
Come on,
I want it more.
More, baby.
I love it, baby.
Yes !
[ moaning ]
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
[ Jeff ]
All right, Bliss,
oh, that's great.
Now touch yourself.
Not so hard.
Lick your lips.
That's right, excellent.
Spread your legs.
Go ahead, Balaban,
touch yourself.
I know you want to.
Really...
fantastic.
Oh, you're so sexy.
That's right,
touch yourself.
[ moaning ]
Oh !
[ Bliss laughing ]
I'm proud of you, baby.
You're finally letting
yourself enjoy this.
I'm not enjoying
myself.
I feel so pathetic.
You're hardly pathetic.
Come on.
Starting tonight you're gonna
be making your own movie.
Yeah, and look at the price
I have to pay.
Shh, shh !
Hey, Jody,
where do we go ?
Shh, around the back !Come and get us !
[ woman ]
Wait, Kathleen, are we not
supposed to be here ?
Of course not.
We just don't wanna
wake up the neighbors.
[ man ]
"On the Virge," take one.
[ woman ]
Roll sound, rolling.
Marker.
Action !
Richard, if you love me,
you'll wait.
A relationship
isn't just about sex.
It's okay, Katie.
I'll never
give up on you.
And cut !
That was awesome,
that was so great !
[ bell ringing ]
[ alarm clock ringing ]
[ moaning ]
[ Kathleen ]
Ready ?
[ man ]
Next set up, let's move.Are we still rolling ?
Action !
[ man ]
Roll sound, rolling.
Action !
Oh, I love it !
Action !
[ alarm clock ringing ]
[ man ]
"On the Virge."
All right, come on, people,
let's go.
We're behind schedule,
keep moving, keep moving.
[ woman ]
Roll sound.[ man ]
Action.
[ Jody ]
Action.
And cut !
Jesus, Jody, this is our
fucking craft services ?
We work on
your movie for free
and you can't even get us
a lousy fruit platter ?
Who's this fucking guy ?
And here I thought
I'd surprise you, Jody.
[ Irene ]
I gotta admit, Jody.
I am impressed by your--
Oh, what is that word
I'm looking for ?
Gall... audacity.
How about perseverance ?
No.
No.
Unfortunately for you,
honey,
I run a business,
not a film school.
You are so lucky I'm not gonna
fire your sneaky ass.
Wanna know why ?
Because you know
how hard it is
to be a woman
in this business ?
No, that's a good one.
I love-- no.
Because you're gonna
rewrite Jeff's movie.
Gratis.
That means for free.
Oh, and one more thing.
From now on, you pay
for your own film stock.
I can't afford to
pay for my own...
You're gonna let me
shoot my movie here.
We got "Fat Fanny's Fannies"
coming in
at the end of the month--
you've got three weeks.
Thank you so much !
At least we won't have to be
sneaking our actors
in and out, right ?
What actors ?
The ones that
ran like the wind
the second they realized
this was a porn studio ?
How did they find out ?
I don't know, maybe it was
the butt plug Angie sat on.
[ horn honking ]
Hey, hey !
Hi !
Do you have my bag ?
Jody ?
Jody ?
The thing is, we can only shoot
at night and on the weekends,
so you have to be able
to balance your schedule
with Jeff's movie
during the day.
Oh, my God.
No problem.
Now you're gonna have two
scripts to memorize
so that means
cutting out pretty much
all of your extracurricular
activities.
You mean like
carbs and stuff ?
Jody.
What are you doing ?
Whatever it takes.
Holy shit, Jody.
These people
can't act.
Especially in
a film about a virgin
holding out for her
wedding night.
You said yourself that
Sindi was really good.
Okay, well, what about
the other two castaways
from the SS Suck and Fuck ?
Don't be mean.
We don't have a Katie.
Who's gonna play your
virginal lead ?
We'll place another ad.
You think you're gonna get
a real actor to
play alongside
these freaks ?
Look, I'm not blowing Joel
anymore, okay ?
Which means that I have
to be super sharp at work,
which means that I can't
work all day
and stay up all
night producing a film
starring people who think
that "character depth"
is a vaginal reference.
That's a lucky pickle.
If you can't do it,
I understand.
But I have one
chance...
and I'm gonna take it.
All right, we start
rehearsing tonight,
and then the second we find
our Katie, we start shooting.
I'll put a casting session
together for tomorrow.
This is gonna
take a miracle.
You're sure you
wanna do this ?
[ doorbell ringing ]
Hey.
Come on in.
Okay, so after
the Jacuzzi scene,
Dick should just say to Bliss,
really vulnerable,
"I've never loved
anyone like this before."
No.
Why not ?
They just had
great sex.
No man should ever tell
a woman that he loves her
after the first time they've
had sex, okay ?
It's not his truth.
He's in some sort of
state of euphoria.
That's not love.
Maybe in your world.
Yes, the real one.
Well, then what world
do I live in ?
The not-real one.
This is why we can't
write together.
Look, he just needs to say
something unexpected.
You know, not some sort of
saccharine-laced sweet clich.
Since when has saying
"I love you" been a clich ?
Look, get over him,
Balaban, okay ?
Who ?
The guy who treated
you so badly
you think every
penis is a loaded gun
aimed straight at
your heart.
Is that a line you want
in the script ?
Because if it is,
don't you think it's
a little bit obvious ?
I'm just hoping
a little honesty
will inspire you to write from
your heart, that's all.
Blackmail gets you my time
and my skill.
Not my heart.
I'll polish this turd,
that's it.
All right, okay.
What are you doing ?
I'm gonna take a Jacuzzi.
Why, what were you
expecting ?
Sure you won't join me ?
Do you have a certificate
of disinfection ?
[ laughing ]
What is that
supposed to mean ?
Like, how many girls have
I done in here ?
How about you, Balaban ?
Why aren't you
dating anyone ?
I work 9:00 to 5:00
watching people sit on
each other's faces.
What am I gonna
talk about on a date ?
How to get ass-cheek
impressions
off of your chin ?
That would definitely
break the ice.
I just wanna say
how much I appreciate
all of you guys being here
and committing to
this project,
and if you have any questions,
please don't
hesitate to ask me, okay ?
I'm so excited !
[ Kato ]
I have question.
You say Katie no have sex,
but then you say she
"sell butt."
No, I wrote that
she's celibate.
It means that she doesn't
have sexual intercourse.
Oh, only in the ass.
You don't have to worry
about it, Kato, okay ?
Mila.
My real name Mila.
Kato is porn name.
Okay, Mila.
If it's better, you call me
by my character name.
Janet, okay ?
Yeah, Janet.
I'd like to be called by
my character's name.
Richard.
Isn't "Dick" short for
"Richard" ?
Whose dick is short ?
No, dummy, the nickname.
No.
Dick Short's not a good
nickname in our line of work.
Jody, I think
we found our Katie.
Okay, I'll be
right back, guys.
Maybe go over your
lines together ?
Oh, awesome.
Okay.
Um, all right,
you start.
Ted was it.
The one I waited
21 years for.
And he betrayed me.
But worse...
he betrayed my idea
of romantic love.
That was amazing.
Oh, thanks.
We just have one question
for you, Laura.
Sure.
How would you feel if we told
you that we were shooting this
at an adult-film company ?
Like a porn company ?
No, the "P"
word is pass.
It's an adult-entertainment
company.
And we're not
shooting for one,
we're shooting at one,
and that's just because
we got a great deal
on their equipment.
Gosh, I mean,
it's not really
my first choice, honestly,
but... I really
need this shot.
Great !
We start tonight.
So I got the part ?
Yes.
[ Kathleen ]
"A" mark.
Action.
Richard, if you love me, you'll wait.
A relationship isn't just about sex.
I promise you, once I'm ready
to give myself to you,
you will have me forever.
It's okay, Katie.
I'll never
give up on you.
But one day, you'll have to
learn to thrustme.
Cut.
Okay.
It's "trust me,"
not "thrust me."
Shit !
It's okay.
We're working on my
movie now, not Jeff's.
Sorry.
Take five, everyone.
[ bell ringing ]
You know, you did
such a great job.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I'm so glad
you said that.
I was so worried that I was
playing Katie a little too...
indecisive.
Why would you
think that ?
Well, because she's
just so in touch with her
feelings and with herself
and the way she can
control her desires,
even with the right guy.
She doesn't know that
Richard's the right guy yet.
That's why she's holding out
to sleep with him.
You know, it's
a trust issue for her.
But hasn't she known
Richard for years ?
Yeah.
Oh.
So you're saying
that Katie's trust issues
are with herself.
Huh.
You're brilliant.
So I just saw your
cut of the wedding orgy
and you stay on
the faces
about 90% of the time.
That 90% is what's
gonna get this film
out of the outhouse and
into the art house.
No, that 90% is
what's gonna send men
running out of the theater,
demanding a refund.
Now, the first rule
in cutting adult film
is no reactions to
the action, okay ?
The only faces I wanna see
are either buried in a bush
or impaled on a cock.
That's so charming.
Mmm.
You're sending me
mixed messages here.
I thought you hired me because
you wanted to raise the bar.
I do.
I just don't wanna lose my
hard-on reaching for it.
It's not
about your hard-on.
It's about giving women
what they need.
What they need is
an emotional connection
and plot and character
and story,
not some sort of onslaught
of gynecological close-ups
where you don't know whose
tits go with what ass.
Okay.
Look, I agree.
The story is important--
it is.
And you're doing a great job,
but it's still an adult film,
and at the end of the day,
the sex... is inevitable.
I agree.
It's just that women need
an emotional connection
to get turned on.
Mmm.
What are you doing ?
Where are you
taking me ?
To see if this is true.What ?
That women need an emotional
connection to be turned on.
Oh, I don't
wanna go in there !
Yes, you do.
And you are gonna watch me
shoot all day long
if that's what
it's gonna take for me
to get through to you,
okay ?
All right.
Got it ?
[ Bliss ]
I want it.[ Dick ]
Give it to me, Bliss.
[ moaning ]
Oh, you're so
fucking hot.
[ moaning ]
[ moaning ]
Oh, fuck !
Oh, God, I'm coming !
Oh, oh, oh...
Excellent,
that's a cut.
[ man ]
That's a cut.
Yeah !
Whoo !
[ door opening ]
Hey, Jode.
I just wanna tell you
how stoked I am
that you gave me a
chance to be in your flick.
You're welcome.
Sorry about the chubby.
[ woman ]
Marker.
Can you feel me ?
Do you feel Jake, baby ?
Huh, do you
feel me, baby ?
Tell me how you feel !
Come on, tell Jake how
you feel, baby !
Tell me you feel it !
Tell me !
[ snoring ]
Yo, what the fuck ?
Come on, baby !
Come on !
12 inches.
What the fuck
is going on ?
[ snoring ]
God damn it.
Starting tonight, you work
around my schedule, all right ?
I don't want you
using any performer
that works for me
the next day.
Is that funny,
is that funny ?
No.
You think that's funny ?
No.
Well, good, I'm glad you
suddenly have the night free,
'cause we have an
ending to write.
Cancel your
shoot tonight.
So I'll tell you what's
not working for me.
We have a move about a bride
who screws the entire
guest list
before her wedding
and her husband's, like,
totally cool with it.
I think Dick should be
really torn up about it.
He really--
he really loves Bliss.
What do you think ?
Well, I think you type
a lot faster
without that huge
rock on your finger.
Where is it ?
Why aren't you
wearing it ?
It was my grandmother's
engagement ring.
And I sold it at a pawn shop
to pay for my film stock.
You're kidding.
Well, I admire
your passion.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go use
your restroom.
[ clattering ]
What are you reading ?
I'm reading
your screenplay.
That's really private.
Well, so is my
medicine cabinet.
I actually really
liked it.
How many pages
did you read, five ?
I understand
Katie's dilemma.
Not trusting men after
being dumped by Ted.
Why risk heartbreak when
the reward is so small ?
The truth is, I think she's
really just afraid
that she's a lousy lay
when that is most likely
not the case.
She just...
hasn't found
the right match.
Where you going ?
I have to put an end
to this day.
But what about
our ending ?
I'm all blocked up.
Good night my baby
You'll be sleeping
While I pray
The dark is fading
I'll return
When you awake
And I can
see the stars
By the light
of day
In need
of something
Feel my body
Levitate
Whoo oh-oh-oh
[ Dick ]
Yo, Jody ![ doorbell ringing ]
[ Sindi ]
Jody, wake up !It's me, wake up !
Ow !
[ knocking ]
[ Sindi ]
Jody ?
[ doorbell ringing ]
Wake up, Jody.
Hi.
Hey, guys.
What are you doing here ?
You forgot us meet
rehearsal.
So you came
all the way over here ?
Look, Jody, this is really
important to us
and we need
you to focus.
We're here to act.
Are you up
for this ?
Yeah, come in.
Okay, this part right here,
where Katie still won't
bone Richard, even though
we know she's dying for it ?
I don't get it.
That's called
delayed gratification.
More like blue balls.
[ laughing ]
I'm sure, Sindi,
there was some guy, right,
and you really liked him,
but you didn't want him to
think that you were easy,
so you played
hard to get.
Katie really likes Richard.
She just thinks that things
that are worthwhile
are worth waiting for,
that the struggle in life is
what's exciting
and that if
Richard really proves
that he really cares about
her and waits...
that then he's
showing her her worth
and how special he
thinks she is.
And then, she wants
to give him everything.
Don't you wanna give
a man everything ?
I do.
Every day I do that.
That's because...
you're so much more
generous than she is.
She just...
she's generous later.
You're freaking
me out, Jode.
I mean, sex is awesome.
I can't believe
I get paid to do it.
Yeah.
[ Jeff ]
Charlie, cue.
Action.
[ moaning ]
Oh, yeah !
Holy shit.
Just like I suspected.
It was a dream.
A very wet dream, huh ?
Shut up.
I can't.
You won't let me.
You won't let
Jeff either.
That man has
you pinned to a "T."
Of course, that's one
of the reasons
your falling for
him, isn't it ?
I wouldn't touch him
with a 10-inch pole.
It's 10-foot pole,
not inch.
No doubt the man is hung,
but let's not go overboard.
Not that you'll ever
find out.
Just you wait and see.
[ sucking noises ]
Hey.
Hey.
I watched the honeymoon
gangbang last night,
and I love
how you cut to the men
waiting for their turn.
I've never really seen it
from that perspective before.
You liked it ?
Yeah, it was hot.
I thought
it was hot, too.
Not that my opinion
matters.
[ sucking noises ]
Okay, Marilyn,
you're done in there.
And I think
I'm done, too.
You know how to do
this stuff ?
Yeah.
Good, okay.
Jode...
bye anyway.
What's with the wet spot ?
What ?
The wet spot
on your pants ?
I'm talking about
your knee.
[ chuckling ]
I skinned it when I fell out
of bed this morning.
Well, let me get you
a Band-Aid.
We have a little scraped-knee
First-Aid kit here.
Okay.
Let's see
what we got here.
Oh, yeah, that's
a real doozy.
Thank you, Dr. Drake.
Or is it
Drakowski ?
It almost was
Dr. Drakowski.
Yeah, no kidding.
UCLA, premed.
Let me guess, gynecology ?
Wow, you're relentless.
So what happened between
the world of MD
and the world of DP ?
Being a doctor was
my dad's idea,
so I abandoned that
as soon as I could,
and then there was
a brief period
as a hot
independent filmmaker,
which won me many awards,
no jobs and a huge
amount of debt,
which led me to my journey
into the deep, dark
underbelly of Hollywood,
the porn industry,
which wasn't all that different
from Hollywood after all.
But none of
that seemed to matter
in the eyes of my father,
who'd rather have me die
in a car accident
than become--
how'd he put it ?
A sleazy pornographer.
That's a pity.
You are so talented.
Jesus Christ, Balaban.
I mean,
don't you get it ?
No one cares.
No one gives a shit.
And you know what ?
They can all go and kiss
my fuckin' ass.
Because I've got
the money they wanna spend
and the girls they
wanna f--
Thanks for
the Band-Aid.
Where are you going ?
If you must know, our
alma mater is having
a gathering for poor loser
film-school alum like myself.
Guess my invitation must
have been lost in the mail.
For a second there,
I was gonna
invite you to go with me.
And be sneered at by
a jury of my peers ?
No thank you.
Great, I already
see three guys
I went down on
in film school.
That's nothing, I see like
six girls I would have
whacked off to
before I met you.
Freak.
Slut.
Hi, could I have a glass
of red wine, please ?
Jody Balaban.
Professor Emerich !
Hi !
My... God,
you look fantastic.
How is that Best Film Award
holding up ?
It's good,
it's on my coffee table.
You know, I called
Mr. Marshall.
I told him to
keep an eye out for you.
You know, I tried
calling him
and it's been
really impossible.
Nothing is impossible,
my dear.
Let's go to my room.
I'll call him
right now.
Oh, Kathleen !
I'll be back !
Jody Balaban.
Hey, Brett.
How are you ?
I'm good,
how are you ?
My agent's just set me up to
direct a Nike commercial.
Can you believe it ?
Well, it's a start, right ?
Anyway, it's better than
working the daily Grind.
Who told you ?
It's a small town.
You do have to laugh
at the irony, though.
The promising Jody Balaban
cutting cock for a living.
I cannot fucking believe
that you just did that.
You royal bitch.
[ Jeff ]
Your highness.
I believe you've missed a spot.
Now, why don't we cut the part
where I break your nose ?
Now run along.
Unless you wanna direct
your Nike commercial
through a wired jaw.
What are you doing here ?
Ah, morbid curiosity.
About who'd be here ?
No.
About what you'd
be wearing.
Come on,
let's get out of here.
[ Gary ]
Jeff.
Hey, man.
What's he doing here ?Getting the hell out
of here before--
Drakowski !
Professor Emerich.
I'm surprised to
see you here.
How's the nut sack ?
See, I kicked the good
professor in the balls.
When was that ?
Four years ago ?
Drakowski wasn't keen on
being called out
for his great contributions
to the cinematic world of porn.
Actually, I wasn't too keen
on you hitting on my wife.
Well, apparently,
the poor woman had no idea
what kind of movies
her husband actually
made for a living.
Yes, but thankfully,
you told her.
Such a waste, Drakowski.
Taking advantage of desperate
women looking for work.
Kind of like using your
credentials to fuck them
in your hotel suite,
Professor ?
I'll be happy to tell
Mr. Marshall
you've made quite
the career change.
[ laughing ]
Why don't you tell his
secretary I say hello ?
Here you go.
So she really didn't know
you directed porn ?
Yeah, it's true.
How is that possible ?
I was too embarrassed to
tell her that I couldn't
make a living as
a filmmaker, so I lied.
I mean, she was content
believing I was making
a half-million dollars
a year doing industrials.
Well, what happened after
she found out ?
Well, naturally, she assumed
I was lying about
everything else,
including fidelity.
Or so she told the judge.
But she's recovering
nicely now in a house
overlooking the Pacific.
I'm sorry, Jeff.
Thanks, Jody.
Are you looking
for attention ?
What kind of attention ?
The kind you can
relish rebuffing.
The kind where
the slimy creature
from the black Jacuzzi
rises from the depths,
starts to lower your strap,
drooling over your innocent,
pert breasts
while he moves in for
the fateful kiss...
closer and closer...
and closer.
I'm just kidding
with you, Balaban.
You think I'm gonna prove
you right about
the big, bad
porn director ?
You think I'm gonna fall
into that trap ?
Come on, you gonna
stay in there all night
or we actually gonna
get some work done ?
I can't take
these games anymore.
If you don't trust me,
there's no point to
even getting married.
I have to
move on.
[ man ]
It's a cut ![ bell ringing ]
So can we move on now ?
I think
I need another one.
Um...
excuse me, can I talk to
you a minute ?
Of course.
I know Katie is supposed to
put up a good fight and all,
but when is enough enough ?
Well, that's
Katie's dilemma.
She really wants to sleep
with Richard,
but she doesn't want him
to think that she's a slut.
Um... but she loves Richard
and how is it
if she's acting on
her true desires,
that that
makes her a slut ?
If she really, really wants
to be intimate with him,
why doesn't she ?
She trusts him,
she loves him.
She desires him.
Why can't she
just be with him ?
Jody, the camera's ready.
I'm gonna do a quick
rewrite on the scene.
[ man ]
All right,
let's rock and roll.
So I don't
wanna have sex ?
You do wanna have sex,
but you want her to want you
even more than you want her,
and that's how you know that
you're gonna get her,
and she's
going to give in.
You gotta play hard to get
a little bit.
Okay ?
That's not natural.
[ man ]
Rolling.
[ Kathleen ]
84 kilo, take five.
Action.
Are you looking
for attention ?
What-- what kind of
attention ?
I don't know.
Maybe...
this kind.
Or this kind.
[ chuckling ]
I'm just playing
with you, Katie.
Jeez.
You take everything
so damn seriously.
[ moaning ]
Jody...
You may now
kiss the bride.
See ?
It was fine for you
to be a slut.
I'm still marrying you.
Okay, everyone,
that's a wrap !
That was hot, guys,
that was so great.
[ all talking ]
[ Kathleen ]
No, thank you.
Hey, Jody.
Hi.
I got you
a wrap present.
Dick, you shouldn't have.
I--
Please, I want you to.
I made it
especially for you.
It's my dick.
In a box.
I'll treasure it forever.
And there's no
balls on it, either.
It's just the shaft.I don't need 'em.
Okay.
I'm so proud of you.
Really ?
When I say this,
this is the truest thing
I've ever said:
You're the best director
I've ever worked with,
and I've done
over 400 movies.
Hey, Laura.
Thank you so much.
I couldn't have done this
without you.
I don't know about that,
but how do you think
it'll turn out ?
A lot different than
the script I wrote,
thanks to you.
Thank you,
thank you so much.
Thank you for taking me
seriously.
You're welcome.
No, I mean it.
To be given this chance,
this opportunity,
really means a lot to me
and it's really special.
Thank you.
See you at the premiere.
Don't really care
Who found who
[ phone ringing ]
[ answering machine beeping ]
[ mother ]
Hi, honey.
It's Mommy and Daddy to wish
you a happy birthday.
We wish we could be
there to celebrate.
We love you so much.
You call us--
Hurry up.
Bye, sweetheart.
Do you think she had
any idea ?
Please, she doesn't
even know we exist.
[ all ]
Surprise !
Sandwich !
Whose idea was this ?
Who do you think,
Balaban ?
Happy birthday.
[ all ]
Aww.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Hey.
Hi.
So let's dance, huh ?
Guys, thank you so much.
Blow out your cock !
Oh, my God.
Come on.
[ Kathleen ]
Why don't you make a wish ?!
[ slow music playing ]
Let's go upstairs.
I got a little surprise
for you up on the roof.
Give you a chance
Here, put this on.
Cheers.
Hey, you know what, this--
Thank you.
Hey, how--
Whoa.
What are you thinking ?
That I really wanna
kiss you right now.
Well, if she's not here,
then we'll just
go back to the room.
Hello.
Hi.
Are you guys
the fluffers ?
No, we're the Balabans,
Jody's parents.
She's with her
new boyfriend.
Jody has a boyfriend.Boyfriend, what ?
Yeah, Jeff.
Jeff Drake.
Director.
Directed by Jeff Drake.
Jupiter, Mars, Uranus.
It's like
a sci-fi thing.
Honey, let's go,
let's keep walking.
We'll find her desk.
Could you
do a scene with--
He's not out
of his dressing room yet.
I think
I'm going crazy.
I just saw my parents.
How was your flight ?
Our-- it was lovely.
We saw
a terrific movie.
It's the--
oh, a Ron Howard movie.
What's the name,
what was it called, honey ?
It's called
"this is your fault."
It's not anybody's fault.
Why does this have to be
somebody's fault, Dad ?
You tell me.
After you've paid four years
of Ivy League tuition
and two years
of grad school
for your daughter,
who ends up--
What ?
Getting a good job,
working as an editor ?
Some things aren't worth
the sacrifice.
I'm not sacrificing
anything.
I saw you
with that--
What's his name ?
The pornographer.
Jeff.
Look, I can imagine how
this must seem to you,
but you should have
more faith in your daughter.
Would you ?
If she wound up working
at a place like this ?
Oh, hell no, no.
In fact,
I'd use this on her.
Except she kind of
likes it.
Okay, okay, let's go.
He's kidding,
he's kidding, he's kidding.
It's not funny.
That's not how you
talk to my parents.
I'm sorry.
See, I didn't know how to
speak to your parents
because I didn't
come here with any sort of
preconceptions as to
who they were.
All I know is I'm
crazy about their daughter.
She's a little quick to judge,
but no one's perfect.
What's your point ?
We shouldn't be
so quick to judge you ?
What, is he kidding me ?
A man is
what a man does.
Come on.
Why did you have to
antagonize them ?
Why didn't
you say anything ?
Is it because a small part
of you agrees with them ?
Or a big part ?
This was a horrible idea
and I told you it was.Okay, okay, I was wrong.
Is that what you wanted me
to say, I'm wrong ?Yes !
But did you have to
be so hard on her--
Mom, Dad, wait.
Look, he's not
what you think.
He's really talented.
He's honest
and he believes in me.
How can you be
so naive, Jody ?
That man could give
a damn about you.
You're just
a sweet, little detour
from his jaded,
perverted life.
And that's where it ends.
How can you not
see that ?
Dad, you're wrong.
Come on, let's go.
Mom.
Debra, get in the car.
Look at how
happy she is.
What's wrong with
being happy ?
And someday
My, my, my
I'll be your life...
I took your advice,
Balaban.
The one with the faces.
No.
No, I'm a little drunk.
And I would...
good for you
to take advantage of me.
If you're here
to apologize,
you're doing a good job.
Lady
I'll make you change
Jeff !
Fuck you.
Hey, stop, stop.
I thought that
was you in there.
You must really think
I'm stupid.
But I'm not.
I may be a loser
at the dating game,
but I had an Ivy League
education.
Yeah, so your
father boasted.
Not like most of
the people here.
I didn't drop out of Fuck Me
High at 16 to come to Grind
to edit pussy
and suck the director's dick.
I came to get what I needed
and get out.
Stop.
Before you say something
you might regret.
Like what ?
Like maybe
my dad was right ?
Or was it your dad ?
Jeff vs. Jody.
I didn't know
who to root for.
[ woman moaning ]
[ knocking ]
Yeah ?
You pulled it off.
I can't thank you
enough, Irene.
No thanks
necessary, honey.
I mean, I just watched
the final cut of Jeff's movie.
Excellent work.
I really think it's gonna
empower the female audience.
God, I'm such a genius
for hiring you.
What did he
say about it ?
Jeff, I'm not sure.
You know, he's made himself
kind of scarce this week, so...
Oh, your last check.
Here you go.
I hope you understand
that I cannot let you
edit your movie here.
Just with what's
transpired with Jeff,
it would be really
bad business.
I understand.
God, it's such a shame
you two didn't just
fuck each other's lights
out and get it over with.
Like that's the answer to
all of life's problems.
It's the answer to
some of the problems.
Some pretty big ones,
honey.
I need to get laid.
[ Bliss ]
Who is it ?
I said, who the fuck
is it ?
I'm sorry,
it's Jody Balaban.
I was the editor.
I know
who you are.
You can come in.
You've done a nice job
with Jeff's movie.
Most people
just go for the gore
and you actually entice
before the payoff.
Maybe that's 'cause...
I think sex is something that's
better off when it's earned.
Or maybe you're just
a natural-born cock tease.
Hey, that's one of the best
parts of being a woman.
That and being a mother.
You're a mother ?
And a wife.
Married eight years.
One beautiful son.
That's crazy.
Does your husband
know what you do ?
Of course
he knows what I do.
He financed my
first movie.
What could I say ?
He gets off watching me
have sex with other men.
As long as it's him
I make love to.
Hey, if there's one thing
you can learn from working
here at Grind, Jody,
it's to each his own.
Or her own.
You know what's funny ?
I had so many conversations
with you in my head,
but you're nothing
like I expected.
You know
what else is funny ?
How much you
respect Laura.
[ laughing ]
I'm a better actress
than you thought, huh ?
[ cell phone ringing ]
Take a breath
and close your eyes
Drifting in the sunlight
It's golden
And feel the rush
of the tide
It feels like
you're starting to fly
You float
There she goes
Where did she go ?
Oh, my God.
You look so beautiful.
I'm so excited.
Before you crash into
the skylight
You're flying
I hold my breath
and close my eyes
The sunlight
in the summertime
Is cold
There she goes
[ Laura ] If you love me, you'll wait.
A relationship isn't just about sex.
[ Dick ]
Are you looking
for attention ?
What-- what kind of attention ?
[ laughing ]
I'm lost
Ooh I tried
What I was
looking for
I could not find
Falling
out of place
With little hope
I thought that I could
do it all alone
So tell me
Where to go
Lead the way
And I will
follow
Teach me
All you know
Lead the way
And I will
follow...
Please, call me anytime.
I would love to set up
a meeting at our agency.
Thank you.
[ woman ]
Great job, Jody !
Thanks.
Ooh !
What's the matter ?
Nobody came.
Everybody came.
From Grind.
Well, what'd you expect ?
I mean, they're probably out
having their ass hairs
waxed or something.
I am so glad your father
didn't hear that.
Mom !
Oh !
[ man ]
Hey, Kathleen.
Oh, my baby girl.
I'm so glad
you made it here.
I would not have missed
this for the world.
Did Dad come ?
[ Sindi ]
Jody ?
Oh, there's--
Hi.
Hey, hey.
Sindi.
Where were you sitting ?I was just--
Next to me.
You did a great job.
Yeah.
You too.
I can never
figure this out.
I need to--
I'm so proud of you.Thank you, Dad.
Well, I'm gonna go
get a drink.
My daughter,
my daughter.
So what'd you think ?
You are so talented
and everyone was awesome.
I can't wait to
tell them.
Why didn't they come ?
They're in Vegas.
Y'know, it's the AVN Awards
tomorrow night.
Oh, the Adult Video Awards.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, Jeff's up for
Best Director.
So that's exciting, right ?
You guys know that
I didn't really mean to
hurt any of you, right ?
And that I appreciate
you so much.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
I don't remember
anything about that night.
I was really wasted.
It really wasn't
Jeff's fault,
'cause--
'cause he-- he thought
that I was you.
So you
and Jeff never--
I wish.
We've all been trying to
get in his pants for years.
I'm beginning to wonder if
he can still get it up.
What do you mean ?
Jeff hasn't been
with a woman
since his wife left him.
It's funny how it
works in our business.
You gotta keep it a secret
when you don't
screw around.
Oh, God,
I almost forgot.
This is for you.
Thanks.
Listen, I've got to
catch my plane to Vegas,
so... I'll see you
around, okay ?
Okay.
I didn't open your present.
Oh, that's
not from me.
It's from Jeff.
See you at
the Oscars.
[ announcer ]
Live from Las Vegas, welcome
to this year's AVN Awards.
It's the biggest night
for the adult industry's
brightest stars.
Up for
Best Girl-Girl:
Stormy Daniels, Jesse Jane,
Sasha Grey.
Up for Best Director:
Jeff Drake for
"Finding Bliss."
Russian superstar Kato arrived
with her costar Dick Harder,
up for Best Actor.
Up for Best Oral Sex,
Dyan Canyons
arrives with porn legends
Ron Jeremy and Jake B. Bigg.
There's Wicked's Dave O.
And welcome to this year's
AVN Awards.
This next category reminds me
of that Victor Mature quote,
"I'm no actor and I have
64 movies to prove it."
[ all laughing ]
You're so immature.
[ crowd ]
Ooh...
Anyway, this year's
nominees for
Best Actor
in a video are...
Got ID ?
Yeah.
Company ID.
Wicked, Vivid--
Grind.
Well... not anymore.
Can't let you in without
an ID, sweet tits.
Hey, Bobby.
Hi, ladies.
Can't do it.
Hi.
About time.
You better
get in there.
You're gonna miss Jeff's
big speech.
They won't let me in.
Really.
And finally, for
the Best Director nominees.
[ cheering ]
We have Ryan Raven
for "Back-End Deal,"
Toby Shaft
for "Hung Jury."
And for the fifth time
in a row,
Jeff Drake for
"Finding Bliss,"
a film you can actually
whack off to
at an art-house
theater near you.
And the winner is...
Jeff Drake !
[ cheering ]
Jeff !
[ laughing ]
Oh, wow, wow.
Thank you,
thank you so much.
It's-- it's always a thrill
to be up here.
Let me start by thanking all
the hardworking people at Grind.
I couldn't have done
this without you.
Especially Irene Fox,
who is my dear friend.
Well, I'd also like to thank
the industry
for the last time.
The adult world
has been good to me,
but it's time for me
to move on.
Before I do, I'd like
to say a special thanks
to a very special woman.
I'd like to thank
the star of my film,
the one, the only...
Bliss.
[ cheering ]
Everyone, this is Jody.
She was my--
Editor.
And my--
Cowriter.
And--
His self-righteous,
cock-teasing...
dildo-hiding--
You had me at
cock-teasing.
[ cheering ]
Ooh...
Found your secret
The secret of life
I want to
share it with you
Trust
And you say
The secret
that's deep inside
That magic door
Inside of you
[ scatting ]
Love
Love
Love
And when you
find it
You will know
Love
Love unconditional
Oh love
Love unconditional
[ scatting ]
Trust
and you'll find
The secret that's
deep inside
That magic door
Inside of you
Oh, oh, oh love
Love unconditional
And when you
find it
You will know
Whoa, whoa, whoa
whoa, whoa
Love
Love unconditional
Oh love
Love unconditional
[ scatting ]
Yes
It's a secret
But it's not
really a secret
Because it's really
inside of us
It's inside everybody
You've just
got to find it
You've just
got to find it
[ scatting ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa
whoa, whoa
Love
Oh love
Love unconditional
Love
Love unconditional
Yes
It's a secret
But it's not really
a secret
Because it's
all inside of us
It's inside everybody
You've just
got to find it
All right, I want you to have
a couple bites, all right ?
[ man ]
I think that you need to
focus more on your academics.
No, she did all her
homework before dinner.
Dressing, honey ?
Sure, thank you.
All right.
[ woman ]
Sex has been a disaster
for me my entire life.
Daddy ?
[ man ]
Mm-hmm ?
What's a blow job ?
[ screaming ]
I couldn't say "blow job"
for ten years after that.
Let alone give one.
But I could still
wonder about it.
Especially if it
had anything to do with
French-kissing Bobby Daples.
But even then,
when it came to sex--
total disaster.
By the time the bottle
finally landed on Bobby,
he must have watched me
kiss over 100 boys.
I'm not kissing you.
You're a slut.
I didn't kiss another boy
until my last year
of college.
[ woman ]
Promise it won't hurt ?
[ man ]
No, no, honey,
it's not gonna hurt at all.
Really ?
Trust me.
It's gonna feel great.
You're gonna
absolutely love this.
Okay.
Trust me.I'm a little scared.
[ screaming ]
He dumped me the next day,
and I finally accepted
the harsh truth.
I sucked at sex.
Romance ?
That was a whole
other story.
I gotta go.
Oh, come on.
You're torturing me.
It's gonna be
worth the wait.
Honestly, I knew it wasn't worth
the wait for either one of us,
but as long as I was
in the power position,
I was happy.
But there was one place
where love was honest,
selfless and eternal.
It was the closest I could come
to succeeding in love...
and sex.
I didn't just fall in love
with watching them,
I fell in love
with making them.
I could rearrange reality
the way I wanted...
and it was addictive.
Jody, this has to be,
hands down,
the best fucking
sex I've ever had.
I can't believe you're
a virgin.
That's impossible.
Two years later, I was
graduating from NYU Film School.
[ applauding ]
And now for our
final award.
Mr. Marshall,
if you please.
Professor Emerich,
thank you.
This year's special award
for Best Student Film
goes to...
Jody Balaban.
Whoa, yes !
[ cheering ]
Jody, where are you ?
Jody, wait !
That's Garry Marshall
up there, okay ?
Show him those lips are
good for giving more than
an acceptance speech.
"Pretty Woman," baby !
"Pretty Woman" !
Hi, here you go.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Hi, our friendly
filmmaker.
Take a picture.
Who are these people ?
Oh, those are my parents.
Ah, for the parents.
It was the best day
of my life.
The day I knew I was
destined to do great things.
[ Jody ]
Hi, it's Jody Balaban calling
again for Mr. Marshall.
Sure, I can call back in six
months, but I'd really like to--
[ dial tone ]
After a year in LA,
I realized the closest I'd ever
get to directing
was directing traffic.
I just wanted to
drop my rsum off.
He gave me the Best
Student Film award.
This is crazy.
I've sent out hundreds of copies
of my script,
my film and my rsum.
I've spent more money on postage
than I have on my rent.
[ phone ringing ]
[ woman ]
Mr. Marshall's office.
Hi, it's Jody Balaban
for Mr. Marshall.
Wait, didn't you
call yesterday ?
Yes, I called--[ dial tone ]
I'd answered ads for every job
in this business
and I can't get
anyone to call me back.
[ horn honking ]
[ tires screeching ]
Asshole !
That asshole was
the one that hit me !
It was the fifth job I was
fired from in a year.
But at least
I still had my dignity.
Fuck !
So what'd you think ?
It's even better than
it was before.
Oh, really ?Yeah, really, really.
Jody, it's hilarious, but you
have rewritten this thing
100 times and you are still
the only one that's read it.
You gotta get it out there,
you know ?
You gotta get it
read by somebody who matters.
I can't get anyone to
return my calls.
You know that.
You have to network.
You have to go out
and play the game.
I moved out here a month
after you
and I'm already
working for Joel Metzger.
The hottest--
Exec in town.
Yeah.
I know
and that's different.
Why ?
Because I wanna
break into producing ?
No, because you're
blowing him.
I should just make
the movie myself.
We could shoot it
super low-budget.
"We" ?
You said yourself,
it's a great script.
Yeah, Jody,
but be realistic.
How are you gonna
afford camera,
lights, a crew, sets ?
I mean, you're broke.
I could sell my grandma's
engagement ring.
That is a family heirloom.
Your parents
would kill you.
All artists make sacrifices
for their dreams.
Put your big dreams
aside for a little while.
You're 24 years old.
Go on a date
or something.
Good night, I love you.
I love you, too.
Who am I kidding ?
I'd love some romance
in my life,
but I can't
afford to lose my focus.
Not now.
I just needed one yes.
Someone who'd
give me a chance.
[ beep ]
[ man ]
You have
one new message.
[ woman ]
Hi, honey, it's Mom.
I just finished your
screenplay.
Oh, I just--
I don't know what to say.
It's outstanding.
You have to
call me.
[ beep ]
[ phone ringing ]
[ man ]
Hey, how you doing ?
This is Gary calling from
Irene Fox's office.
You answered
our ad in the paper
for the editor position ?
Irene was really impressed
with your rsum
and would
love to meet you ASAP.
Yes !
[ Jody ]
Hi, it's so nice
to meet you.
[ bones cracking ]
Ow.
Oh, you too.
You just relax,
sit down, hon.
Okay.
What a cute blazer,
I love it.
I just wanted to say how
excited I am to meet you
and as much as I'd love
the opportunity
to be an in-house editor,
what I really wanna do
is be a filmmaker.
Oh, no, I know.
I saw your student film,
it was very impressive.
You watched it ?
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
You have just this
incredible
female point of view,
which is really gonna be
a plus on Jeff's movie.
Jeff ?
Jeff Drake.
The director you'll be
working with.
Oh.
You've never
heard of him ?
I'm really embarrassed to
say that I haven't.
How many films
has he directed ?
Oh, not that many lately.
I'm gonna say
four this year.
This year ?
Mmm.
Wow, that's incredible.
What's his
best-known movie ?
"Charlie's Anals.""Charlie's Angels" ?
No !
[ laughing ]
Honey, you're cute.
No, "Charlie's Anals."
Shipped 20,000 copies
last month.
Uh... uh...
Oh.
Uh... oh.
Uh... oh !
Oh, oh, oh, uh...
This is-- this is--
this is-- um...
I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
This is a huge mistake,
because I answered this ad
in the "Daily Variety,"
which said, "Up-and-coming
production company
seeks self-starters for a
challenging editing position."
Well, we are
up-and-coming.
[ laughing ]
I didn't mean it...
I didn't realize
that this was a porn--
No-- uh, we do not use
the "P" word here, honey.
The "P" word
is pass.
It's adult entertainment.
Look, every single applicant
I've interviewed for this job
thinks it's a nine-to-five
jack fest.
I want someone with
real filmmaking talent.
You are a smart, young woman
with an accessible
point of view.
That's invaluable
if we're gonna make it
into the mainstream.
Don't get me wrong,
nobody shoots sex better
than Jeff Drake, trust me.
But he's a little out of touch
with his romantic side.
And romance,
that's what we need
if we're gonna pull in
the female demographic
and make it
onto the big screen.
It's gonna be
on the big screen ?
In the top
art-house markets.
Los Angeles, New York,
Miami.
Miami-- great.
My parents
could see it.
Oh, good.
Look, I've...
I've never even
seen a porn--
Hey, no "P"--
Adult film.
Fabulous.
You'll have
the fresh perspective
we're so desperately
in need of.
Why don't you
keep it overnight,
check it out,
and I want your answer first
thing in the morning.
All right.
Thanks, Jody.
Hi, this is Jody Balaban
calling for Garry Marshall.
It's a matter of grave
importance.
[ woman ]
He's not available.
Can I take a message ?
Ahh !
God, I would have loved to
have seen your face, though,
at a porn company ?
Little Miss Virgin
lost in a bay of pigs.
I'm not a virgin.
Excuse me, when a girl's
genitals become petrified,
she's reclassified a virgin.
Beats sleeping
with my married boss.
That's getting tired.
At least I'm willing to make
a sacrifice for my art.
Sound familiar ?
I'm willing to do
whatever it takes.
So am I, you know ?
I should just take that job
at the porn company.
Even edit my movie there.
What movie ?
[ tires screeching ]
Hey, you must be Jody.
I'm Gary.
I'm gonna be your
tour guide here at Grind
and I figured we'd start
at the editing room.
It's this way.
I'm actually
head of tech support.
So, you know, if you need
some technical help,
I would be...
the technical guru.
Well, I haven't actually
accepted the job yet.
Right, yes,
I know, so...
Of course.
This is just one of our
small editing rooms.
This is not locked.
Well, here it is.
That's our logo.
Pretty cool, right ?
Well, I hope you
take the job.
Actually be nice to
have a pretty face
like yours working here.Thanks.
One that doesn't have
a freakishly large penis
jammed into it.
Oh, fuck me,
that just popped out.
I'm so sorry, that was so
terribly inappropriate.
Oh, fucking, just beat me with
a baseball bat at this moment.
It's okay, it's okay.
I didn't mean to
say that to you.
It's okay.
Thank you so much
for the tour,
but I really
have to get going.
Why don't you just at least
see the soundstage ?
There's a soundstage ?We have a soundstage, yeah.
It's down this way.
Well, this is it.
Just shot
"Gladiator" here.
He shot "Gladiator" here ?
Uh...
Yeah, no, it's...
"Glad He Ate Her."
Vagina.
I know, it's not--
Anyway, this was actually
just a warehouse
'til Irene took over,
now it's one of the busiest
soundstages in town.
They actually shot
200 movies this year alone.
It's like a few
movies a week.
If you can imagine...
Action.
Action, action, action.
Cut !
If you imagine it, y'know,
they probably shot it here.
There's a fridge filled with
film stock in the back
and lighting
and sound.
The whole nine yards.
This place has
everything we need.
I couldn't have planned it
any better-- it's perfect.
I'll edit their porno movies during the day...Oh, my God.
... and make my movie at night.
What if we get caught ?
We won't get caught.
If we shoot a few hours every
night after everybody
leaves the building,
no one will
ever have to know.
We could wrap the movie
in under a month.
An editing job ?
Oh, honey,
I'm so happy for you.
I knew if you would call
Garry Marshall--
I knew that
would be the answer.
And full benefits,
you said ?
I got everything.
Even a parking space.
It's about time you have
a respectable job, Jody.
Something worthy of
your talents.
Honey, what else has
the company done ?
Because you know
what we're gonna do ?
We're gonna rent every movie
they ever did from
Blockbuster. No, you can't.
They're an up-and-coming
company.
They're just
getting off the ground.
Even better.
You'll grow
with the company.
It's like I've always said.
Just because it's
Hollywood
doesn't mean
you have to sell your soul.
All you need are talent
and connections,
then you can look any
producer square in the eyes
and tell him with
dignity to--
"Fuck me in the ass !
Harder, harder,
oh, baby !"
Who's line is it ?
Oh, oh...
"Oh, yeah,
take that black dick.
You like that big black
fucking dick ?"
Yo, idiot,
that's my line.
Yeah, you just
slap my ass.
Where does it
say that ?
[ Gary ]
Stage directions, Dick.
They're called stage
directions.
Oh.
Okay, right here.
Okay, Jody, why don't you
read those for us.
Me ?Yeah, right here.
Thank you.
Uh... okay.
"He grunts as he spreads
her wet...
He inserts his
rock-hard cock..."
You know what,
I'm just the editor.
Can she read them ?
[ Irene ]
You'll have that by Thursday.
Oh, hi, guys.
Marty's just finished the new
draft of the script.
Hopefully you can have it
all memorized by Monday.
Monday ?
Uh-huh.
I'd rather throw in
a DP for free.
DP.
That's director of
photography, right ?
The double penetration.
What's a double...
Yeah.
[ Dick ]
Yes !
ATM is still in here.
Please tell me that ATM is
automated teller machine.
It is, it is, yeah.
It's also
"ass to mouth."
Okay, there we go.
Hot !
The coffee's
just really hot.
I thought it was
rather tepid.
Hey, everyone.
Jeff !
Hey, Jeff.
Sindi.
You must be
my new editor.
Oh, yes, Jeff,
this is Jody,
your new
right hand, huh ?
Oh, fantastic.
Hi.
Hi.
[ Dick ]
Ha !
Jody, you don't
wanna be his right hand.
Maybe she does.
Okay, before it gets gross,
I'm gonna go.
Have a good read.
All right, everyone,
let's read that new scene.
"Oh, baby you're giving me
a hard attack--"
No.
Dress.
No, okay, dress, sorry.
"Oh--
"Ooh, ooh, baby.
That dress is giving me
a hardattack."
[ woman ]
Maybe no is my dress.
Maybe it's my body.
I cur-vacuous girl.
[ man ]
Not "vacuous."
"Vaceous," curvaceous.
What mean "vacuous" ?
It means you're vacuuming.
Oh, God,
this piece of shit !
I mean, come on, Marty.
Really, is this the best
you can do ?
"Hard attack" ?
I mean, how many times
do I have to tell you,
we're not making another
wall-to-wall piece of crap ?
We're making a movie.
A movie to play
in a movie theater.
Do you know the difference,
Marty ?
Yeah, the viewer can't
fast-forward to the fucking.
Oh, that's funny.
You just threw my scripts
in the trash.
Marty, you're fired.
Who the hell do you
think you are, Drake ?
Orson fucking Welles ?
Y'know, go fuck yourself.
And fuck your little fantasy
about making a real movie
with this
pathetic bunch of clowns.
Get the fuck
out of here !
Hey, I heard you
went to Dartmouth.
I went to MIT.
How do people like us
end up here ?
Ah, yes,
it would be Karma.
I spent my entire adolescence
whacking off to porn and now--
I know I'd rather watch
gall bladder surgery
on Discover.
Not to whack off to.
No, that would--
that would be gross.
I don't do that.
You're over here,
so...
I believe you.
Oh, this is my
editing room.
It's pretty sweet,
right ?
Only the best
for my new editor.
Gary, you mind giving us
a minute ?
Yeah, you got it, pal.
Have a seat.
Irene showed me your
student film and I loved it.
Especially the writing.
Thank you.
I have
a proposition for you.
You help me rewrite Marty's
piece-of-shit script,
and I will
double your salary.
What do you say ?
Irene hired me
as an editor.
Yeah, now you've
been promoted.
You'll be my
editor and my writer.
I really don't think I'm
gonna have the time.
No, listen, this could be
a huge opportunity for you.
I want this film to be
released
in an art house.
It's a movie about a bride
who willingly gets gangbanged
before her own wedding.
That's true, that is true.
Good writing
will legitimize it,
get people to pay attention.
But in the meantime,
I need to make sure
you can handle
cutting hard-core.
What's this ?
That's the star
of my movie, Bliss.
It's a trial run
of her opening.
I think of that as a little
test drive for my editor.
Fine.
What's to test ?
Fuck me, you little
piece of shit !
[ man ]
Yeah, I'm gonna come !
Oh, the hell you are !
You don't make me come first,
I'm gonna yank your little dick off.
Oh, my God. You want it, Bliss, huh ?
Yeah.
I'm gonna give it to you, you
dirty, little fucking slut !
I am a dirty fucking slut !
You're a slut.
You're a slut.
[ groaning ]
Jody is a slut.
Remember junior high,
dreaming about Bobby Daples ?
Even then your little
hoo-ha was on fire.
Oh, no, I'm thinking
about Bobby's pee-pee
during my own
Bat Mitzvah.
It's fucking priceless.
Now look at you.
Hiding behind your work so
you don't have to deal with
the sweaty complications
of real life.
Just remember,
wherever you go,
there you are.
Oh, Bliss,
I'm gonna come !
[ moaning ]
[ girl ]
Of course I have needs,
but I'm not about to give my
body over to some man
who's only interested
in me giving him a blow--
Okay !
Thank you so much.
That's--
that'll be all.
How old was she, 12 ?
No.
How many more girls
do we have left ?
Reading for Katie ?
Just one.
That's it ?
Brandi Snow,
why don't you come in ?
Hi.
[ Sindi ]
I love your script.
It's so funny.
Actually, I didn't write it,
the director did.
She'll be in in a minute.
Do you wanna come in ?Okay.
Ow, what is your problem ?
That's Sindi.
It's one of the porn stars
from Grind.
Wait a second.
Brandi Snow is her real name
and Sindi's her porn name ?
Just read her
and get her out of here.
Okay.
[ man ]
I'm gonna come.
[ woman ] On it, not in it !
Fucking slut !
Hey, I got you
some coffee.
Thanks.
What'd you think of
Bliss ?
She is something else.
Yeah, yeah,
she's a force of nature.
A woman who's totally in touch
with her sexuality,
no excuses, no apologies.
And you're gonna be spending
a lot of time with her.
Here.
What's this ?
Directions to my house.
I'm having a party
tomorrow night
before our
first day of shooting.
I'd like for you to come up
and get to know
the talent as people,
not just scary sex machines.
Thanks for asking,
but I can't.
Oh, I'm not asking.
I'm highly suggesting.
Just ignore how handsome Jeff
is when you see him, okay ?
We only have to stay
for a couple of minutes.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me,
don't I know you ?
Oh, no,
I don't think so, no.
Did we do that strap-on scene
in Brad's kitchen last week ?
No.
Wait, wait, you--
you're that girl
I auditioned for.
Oh, right.
What is she doing here ?
Kathleen is
my best friend.
We went to film school
together.
You-- you have to
read her script.
It is so awesome.
You really think so ?
Yeah, I mean, I know I'm
not right to play Katie,
but what I wouldn't
give to be in that movie.
You wanna be
a real actress ?
It's been my dream since--
since I was a kid.
So then why are
you doing porn ?
'Cause it's tough trying to
make it in Hollywood.
It's not like
I'm gonna do it forever.
And then I have
this hot body,
so it's like God
telling me to do porn.
You just have to
believe in yourself.
That's what my mom
always tells me.
I love this song.
I gotta go, bye !
[ rock music blaring ]
[ woman ]
Shake it, girl !
I'm gonna go find
the bathroom.
Oh, God, hurry.
[ man ]
So we all came in
a martini glass
and then the chick
swallows it.
She takes the olive
and then she
bites down on that.
And that's the end
of the movie.
I've been dating that girl
from the 101 and I just--
I don't even
know if I like her.
I don't know--
how can I tell ?
You know what I do ?
If I really
like a chick...
I jack off to her.
I think all
kind of little nasty shit
that I wanna do to her,
just the prolonged one,
not the quickie one,
and then when I nut,
if I still have any sense
of emotion for her,
I call her.
What happens after you nut
if all you
wanna do is text her ?
[ woman laughing ]
[ door opening ]
It's about time
you got here.
Is this yours ?
Hell, no, that's--
that's Jeff Drakowski's.
You're Jeff Drakowski ?
The Jeff Drakowski that
directed "Mystic Shadows" ?
You might be
one of ten people
who's actually seen
that movie.
I love that movie.
It's full of so much
nuanced Romanticism
and harsh
social insights, it--
It's a pretentious
piece of crap
that couldn't
pay my phone bill.
But thanks for
the compliment.
Art isn't about
making profit.
It's about
making a human connection.
Fuck art.
Porn is about making
a human connection.
How can you say that ?
Aren't you just romanticizing
your cynicism ?
You'll understand after a few
months of Grind, believe me.
I'm not gonna
be there that long.
Then why'd you
take the job ?
Come on, Balaban,
you can tell me.
Why are you
really working at Grind ?
You're supposed to say
to work alongside
the great Jeff Drake.
All that nuanced
Romanticism crap.
Enjoy the party.
Americans have such
fascination with asshole.
I know one girl,
she fit two men
and one cucumber in her butt.
How do you call this ?
When a guy pull out and hole
stay open like this ?
It's called gaper, yes ?
Oh, thank God.
Where were you ?
I can't believe
I know what a gaper is.
Jeff Drake is
Jeff Drakowski.
Who ?
Jeff Drakowski.
You remember that amazing
film that Emerich showed
at orientation,
"Mystic Shadows" ?
Are you sure it's
the same guy ?
Yes.
[ Gary ]
Jody, hey, you made it.
Who's your pretty friend ?
That's terribly tacky--
I just said that, didn't I ?
I'm sorry, I didn't wanna
say you were pretty.
Not that you're not
pretty, I think you're very--
I'm still doing it
right as I speak to you ?
Someone, if you have a baseball
bat, now is the time.
Gary.
Yes.
This is my
best friend Kathleen.
Kathleen, Gary.Hello, I'm Gary.
She just said
that twice.
Now it's three times.
Hi.
Hi, Gary.
Pleasure.It's very nice
to meet you.
You, too.
So, hey, should we
get going ?You guys should go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jody, it's totally cool.
I'm very used to rejection,
that's why I sleep with hookers.
What ?
Yes, it's true.
I lost my virginity
to a hooker
and it's been about
500 bucks a month ever since.
And I just said that
to both of you.
Well, I totally relate.
I lost my virginity to my
best friend's stepdad,
and it's been a series of
married assholes ever since.
Really ?
Can I freshen
your drink up ?
You wanna have
another one ?
I don't know, I'm just
talking out loud again.
Okay.Great, Jody, you--
Thank you, okay.
[ Jody ]
And whenever you're ready.
Ted was the one
I waited for.
He betrayed me.
But worse than that,
he betrayed
my idea of romantic love.
Richard, I can't have
sex with you.
Katie, just say yes.
No.
[ Jody ]
Oh, my God,
that was amazing.
You guys were awesome.
[ Kathleen ]
Making a movie !
[ mother ]
Hi, honey.
Okay, tell me, has there
been any reaction
to the script ?
Actually, I'm pretty close
to getting it made.
Oh, honey,
I'm so excited--
[ doorbell ringing ]
Oh.
[ man ]
APS !
I think I have
a delivery.
Okay, I'll hang on.
I'm gonna call you
right back.
Where's Jeff ?
I can't believe
he sent a basket of dildos
into my apartment.
Jeff !
Shh, what are you doing ?
It's the first day
of Jeff's movie.
Come on.
[ women shouting ]
[ bell ringing ]
[ Jeff ]
Cut !
[ man ]
That's one hour
for lunch, guys.
Let's make sure we
clean up the set.
Great first day,
everyone.
Sindi, no beans.
No beans at lunch.
[ all chattering ]
[ woman ]
See you tomorrow, Jeff.
[ Jeff ]
Oh, I see you got
my gift basket.
Is... little Jody Balaban
all set for her
first day at school ?
That's not funny.
I'll check in
with you later.
[ microwave beeping ]
Hey.
Thanks for introducing
me to Kathleen.
I'm so glad
that it worked out.
It did.
You know, she's actually
the first normal girl
I've dated
since high school.
I mean, she's still gonna run
me like 500 bucks a month
but at least I get dinner
and a movie with my load.
[ laughing ]
That is an awful
thing to say.
"I owe you" is really--
is all I really
wanted to say.
I'll see you in a bit.
Irene.
Gary.
Oh, hey, how's
the footage looking ?
I am just about to
get started.
Excellent.
Y'know, I think you and Jeff
are gonna make a great team.
By the way, I want you to
come to me
and tell me
what you think.
I really respect
your opinion.
Okay, Irene, I actually
have a question.
Sure.
Don't you ever have any
issues with working here ?
No.
So paying women to have sex
doesn't bother you ?
Well, I pay men, too.
Actually, I pay the men
a lot less than
I pay the women, but shh.
[ computer beeping ]
[ Jeff ]
Action.
Oh, that's fabulous, Bliss.
[ woman whispering ]
Baby...
Come on, I want it more.
Come on, I want it more.
I love it, baby.
Give it to me.
Oh, come on, baby.
Come on,
I want it more.
More, baby.
I love it, baby.
Yes !
[ moaning ]
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
[ Jeff ]
All right, Bliss,
oh, that's great.
Now touch yourself.
Not so hard.
Lick your lips.
That's right, excellent.
Spread your legs.
Go ahead, Balaban,
touch yourself.
I know you want to.
Really...
fantastic.
Oh, you're so sexy.
That's right,
touch yourself.
[ moaning ]
Oh !
[ Bliss laughing ]
I'm proud of you, baby.
You're finally letting
yourself enjoy this.
I'm not enjoying
myself.
I feel so pathetic.
You're hardly pathetic.
Come on.
Starting tonight you're gonna
be making your own movie.
Yeah, and look at the price
I have to pay.
Shh, shh !
Hey, Jody,
where do we go ?
Shh, around the back !Come and get us !
[ woman ]
Wait, Kathleen, are we not
supposed to be here ?
Of course not.
We just don't wanna
wake up the neighbors.
[ man ]
"On the Virge," take one.
[ woman ]
Roll sound, rolling.
Marker.
Action !
Richard, if you love me,
you'll wait.
A relationship
isn't just about sex.
It's okay, Katie.
I'll never
give up on you.
And cut !
That was awesome,
that was so great !
[ bell ringing ]
[ alarm clock ringing ]
[ moaning ]
[ Kathleen ]
Ready ?
[ man ]
Next set up, let's move.Are we still rolling ?
Action !
[ man ]
Roll sound, rolling.
Action !
Oh, I love it !
Action !
[ alarm clock ringing ]
[ man ]
"On the Virge."
All right, come on, people,
let's go.
We're behind schedule,
keep moving, keep moving.
[ woman ]
Roll sound.[ man ]
Action.
[ Jody ]
Action.
And cut !
Jesus, Jody, this is our
fucking craft services ?
We work on
your movie for free
and you can't even get us
a lousy fruit platter ?
Who's this fucking guy ?
And here I thought
I'd surprise you, Jody.
[ Irene ]
I gotta admit, Jody.
I am impressed by your--
Oh, what is that word
I'm looking for ?
Gall... audacity.
How about perseverance ?
No.
No.
Unfortunately for you,
honey,
I run a business,
not a film school.
You are so lucky I'm not gonna
fire your sneaky ass.
Wanna know why ?
Because you know
how hard it is
to be a woman
in this business ?
No, that's a good one.
I love-- no.
Because you're gonna
rewrite Jeff's movie.
Gratis.
That means for free.
Oh, and one more thing.
From now on, you pay
for your own film stock.
I can't afford to
pay for my own...
You're gonna let me
shoot my movie here.
We got "Fat Fanny's Fannies"
coming in
at the end of the month--
you've got three weeks.
Thank you so much !
At least we won't have to be
sneaking our actors
in and out, right ?
What actors ?
The ones that
ran like the wind
the second they realized
this was a porn studio ?
How did they find out ?
I don't know, maybe it was
the butt plug Angie sat on.
[ horn honking ]
Hey, hey !
Hi !
Do you have my bag ?
Jody ?
Jody ?
The thing is, we can only shoot
at night and on the weekends,
so you have to be able
to balance your schedule
with Jeff's movie
during the day.
Oh, my God.
No problem.
Now you're gonna have two
scripts to memorize
so that means
cutting out pretty much
all of your extracurricular
activities.
You mean like
carbs and stuff ?
Jody.
What are you doing ?
Whatever it takes.
Holy shit, Jody.
These people
can't act.
Especially in
a film about a virgin
holding out for her
wedding night.
You said yourself that
Sindi was really good.
Okay, well, what about
the other two castaways
from the SS Suck and Fuck ?
Don't be mean.
We don't have a Katie.
Who's gonna play your
virginal lead ?
We'll place another ad.
You think you're gonna get
a real actor to
play alongside
these freaks ?
Look, I'm not blowing Joel
anymore, okay ?
Which means that I have
to be super sharp at work,
which means that I can't
work all day
and stay up all
night producing a film
starring people who think
that "character depth"
is a vaginal reference.
That's a lucky pickle.
If you can't do it,
I understand.
But I have one
chance...
and I'm gonna take it.
All right, we start
rehearsing tonight,
and then the second we find
our Katie, we start shooting.
I'll put a casting session
together for tomorrow.
This is gonna
take a miracle.
You're sure you
wanna do this ?
[ doorbell ringing ]
Hey.
Come on in.
Okay, so after
the Jacuzzi scene,
Dick should just say to Bliss,
really vulnerable,
"I've never loved
anyone like this before."
No.
Why not ?
They just had
great sex.
No man should ever tell
a woman that he loves her
after the first time they've
had sex, okay ?
It's not his truth.
He's in some sort of
state of euphoria.
That's not love.
Maybe in your world.
Yes, the real one.
Well, then what world
do I live in ?
The not-real one.
This is why we can't
write together.
Look, he just needs to say
something unexpected.
You know, not some sort of
saccharine-laced sweet clich.
Since when has saying
"I love you" been a clich ?
Look, get over him,
Balaban, okay ?
Who ?
The guy who treated
you so badly
you think every
penis is a loaded gun
aimed straight at
your heart.
Is that a line you want
in the script ?
Because if it is,
don't you think it's
a little bit obvious ?
I'm just hoping
a little honesty
will inspire you to write from
your heart, that's all.
Blackmail gets you my time
and my skill.
Not my heart.
I'll polish this turd,
that's it.
All right, okay.
What are you doing ?
I'm gonna take a Jacuzzi.
Why, what were you
expecting ?
Sure you won't join me ?
Do you have a certificate
of disinfection ?
[ laughing ]
What is that
supposed to mean ?
Like, how many girls have
I done in here ?
How about you, Balaban ?
Why aren't you
dating anyone ?
I work 9:00 to 5:00
watching people sit on
each other's faces.
What am I gonna
talk about on a date ?
How to get ass-cheek
impressions
off of your chin ?
That would definitely
break the ice.
I just wanna say
how much I appreciate
all of you guys being here
and committing to
this project,
and if you have any questions,
please don't
hesitate to ask me, okay ?
I'm so excited !
[ Kato ]
I have question.
You say Katie no have sex,
but then you say she
"sell butt."
No, I wrote that
she's celibate.
It means that she doesn't
have sexual intercourse.
Oh, only in the ass.
You don't have to worry
about it, Kato, okay ?
Mila.
My real name Mila.
Kato is porn name.
Okay, Mila.
If it's better, you call me
by my character name.
Janet, okay ?
Yeah, Janet.
I'd like to be called by
my character's name.
Richard.
Isn't "Dick" short for
"Richard" ?
Whose dick is short ?
No, dummy, the nickname.
No.
Dick Short's not a good
nickname in our line of work.
Jody, I think
we found our Katie.
Okay, I'll be
right back, guys.
Maybe go over your
lines together ?
Oh, awesome.
Okay.
Um, all right,
you start.
Ted was it.
The one I waited
21 years for.
And he betrayed me.
But worse...
he betrayed my idea
of romantic love.
That was amazing.
Oh, thanks.
We just have one question
for you, Laura.
Sure.
How would you feel if we told
you that we were shooting this
at an adult-film company ?
Like a porn company ?
No, the "P"
word is pass.
It's an adult-entertainment
company.
And we're not
shooting for one,
we're shooting at one,
and that's just because
we got a great deal
on their equipment.
Gosh, I mean,
it's not really
my first choice, honestly,
but... I really
need this shot.
Great !
We start tonight.
So I got the part ?
Yes.
[ Kathleen ]
"A" mark.
Action.
Richard, if you love me, you'll wait.
A relationship isn't just about sex.
I promise you, once I'm ready
to give myself to you,
you will have me forever.
It's okay, Katie.
I'll never
give up on you.
But one day, you'll have to
learn to thrustme.
Cut.
Okay.
It's "trust me,"
not "thrust me."
Shit !
It's okay.
We're working on my
movie now, not Jeff's.
Sorry.
Take five, everyone.
[ bell ringing ]
You know, you did
such a great job.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I'm so glad
you said that.
I was so worried that I was
playing Katie a little too...
indecisive.
Why would you
think that ?
Well, because she's
just so in touch with her
feelings and with herself
and the way she can
control her desires,
even with the right guy.
She doesn't know that
Richard's the right guy yet.
That's why she's holding out
to sleep with him.
You know, it's
a trust issue for her.
But hasn't she known
Richard for years ?
Yeah.
Oh.
So you're saying
that Katie's trust issues
are with herself.
Huh.
You're brilliant.
So I just saw your
cut of the wedding orgy
and you stay on
the faces
about 90% of the time.
That 90% is what's
gonna get this film
out of the outhouse and
into the art house.
No, that 90% is
what's gonna send men
running out of the theater,
demanding a refund.
Now, the first rule
in cutting adult film
is no reactions to
the action, okay ?
The only faces I wanna see
are either buried in a bush
or impaled on a cock.
That's so charming.
Mmm.
You're sending me
mixed messages here.
I thought you hired me because
you wanted to raise the bar.
I do.
I just don't wanna lose my
hard-on reaching for it.
It's not
about your hard-on.
It's about giving women
what they need.
What they need is
an emotional connection
and plot and character
and story,
not some sort of onslaught
of gynecological close-ups
where you don't know whose
tits go with what ass.
Okay.
Look, I agree.
The story is important--
it is.
And you're doing a great job,
but it's still an adult film,
and at the end of the day,
the sex... is inevitable.
I agree.
It's just that women need
an emotional connection
to get turned on.
Mmm.
What are you doing ?
Where are you
taking me ?
To see if this is true.What ?
That women need an emotional
connection to be turned on.
Oh, I don't
wanna go in there !
Yes, you do.
And you are gonna watch me
shoot all day long
if that's what
it's gonna take for me
to get through to you,
okay ?
All right.
Got it ?
[ Bliss ]
I want it.[ Dick ]
Give it to me, Bliss.
[ moaning ]
Oh, you're so
fucking hot.
[ moaning ]
[ moaning ]
Oh, fuck !
Oh, God, I'm coming !
Oh, oh, oh...
Excellent,
that's a cut.
[ man ]
That's a cut.
Yeah !
Whoo !
[ door opening ]
Hey, Jode.
I just wanna tell you
how stoked I am
that you gave me a
chance to be in your flick.
You're welcome.
Sorry about the chubby.
[ woman ]
Marker.
Can you feel me ?
Do you feel Jake, baby ?
Huh, do you
feel me, baby ?
Tell me how you feel !
Come on, tell Jake how
you feel, baby !
Tell me you feel it !
Tell me !
[ snoring ]
Yo, what the fuck ?
Come on, baby !
Come on !
12 inches.
What the fuck
is going on ?
[ snoring ]
God damn it.
Starting tonight, you work
around my schedule, all right ?
I don't want you
using any performer
that works for me
the next day.
Is that funny,
is that funny ?
No.
You think that's funny ?
No.
Well, good, I'm glad you
suddenly have the night free,
'cause we have an
ending to write.
Cancel your
shoot tonight.
So I'll tell you what's
not working for me.
We have a move about a bride
who screws the entire
guest list
before her wedding
and her husband's, like,
totally cool with it.
I think Dick should be
really torn up about it.
He really--
he really loves Bliss.
What do you think ?
Well, I think you type
a lot faster
without that huge
rock on your finger.
Where is it ?
Why aren't you
wearing it ?
It was my grandmother's
engagement ring.
And I sold it at a pawn shop
to pay for my film stock.
You're kidding.
Well, I admire
your passion.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go use
your restroom.
[ clattering ]
What are you reading ?
I'm reading
your screenplay.
That's really private.
Well, so is my
medicine cabinet.
I actually really
liked it.
How many pages
did you read, five ?
I understand
Katie's dilemma.
Not trusting men after
being dumped by Ted.
Why risk heartbreak when
the reward is so small ?
The truth is, I think she's
really just afraid
that she's a lousy lay
when that is most likely
not the case.
She just...
hasn't found
the right match.
Where you going ?
I have to put an end
to this day.
But what about
our ending ?
I'm all blocked up.
Good night my baby
You'll be sleeping
While I pray
The dark is fading
I'll return
When you awake
And I can
see the stars
By the light
of day
In need
of something
Feel my body
Levitate
Whoo oh-oh-oh
[ Dick ]
Yo, Jody ![ doorbell ringing ]
[ Sindi ]
Jody, wake up !It's me, wake up !
Ow !
[ knocking ]
[ Sindi ]
Jody ?
[ doorbell ringing ]
Wake up, Jody.
Hi.
Hey, guys.
What are you doing here ?
You forgot us meet
rehearsal.
So you came
all the way over here ?
Look, Jody, this is really
important to us
and we need
you to focus.
We're here to act.
Are you up
for this ?
Yeah, come in.
Okay, this part right here,
where Katie still won't
bone Richard, even though
we know she's dying for it ?
I don't get it.
That's called
delayed gratification.
More like blue balls.
[ laughing ]
I'm sure, Sindi,
there was some guy, right,
and you really liked him,
but you didn't want him to
think that you were easy,
so you played
hard to get.
Katie really likes Richard.
She just thinks that things
that are worthwhile
are worth waiting for,
that the struggle in life is
what's exciting
and that if
Richard really proves
that he really cares about
her and waits...
that then he's
showing her her worth
and how special he
thinks she is.
And then, she wants
to give him everything.
Don't you wanna give
a man everything ?
I do.
Every day I do that.
That's because...
you're so much more
generous than she is.
She just...
she's generous later.
You're freaking
me out, Jode.
I mean, sex is awesome.
I can't believe
I get paid to do it.
Yeah.
[ Jeff ]
Charlie, cue.
Action.
[ moaning ]
Oh, yeah !
Holy shit.
Just like I suspected.
It was a dream.
A very wet dream, huh ?
Shut up.
I can't.
You won't let me.
You won't let
Jeff either.
That man has
you pinned to a "T."
Of course, that's one
of the reasons
your falling for
him, isn't it ?
I wouldn't touch him
with a 10-inch pole.
It's 10-foot pole,
not inch.
No doubt the man is hung,
but let's not go overboard.
Not that you'll ever
find out.
Just you wait and see.
[ sucking noises ]
Hey.
Hey.
I watched the honeymoon
gangbang last night,
and I love
how you cut to the men
waiting for their turn.
I've never really seen it
from that perspective before.
You liked it ?
Yeah, it was hot.
I thought
it was hot, too.
Not that my opinion
matters.
[ sucking noises ]
Okay, Marilyn,
you're done in there.
And I think
I'm done, too.
You know how to do
this stuff ?
Yeah.
Good, okay.
Jode...
bye anyway.
What's with the wet spot ?
What ?
The wet spot
on your pants ?
I'm talking about
your knee.
[ chuckling ]
I skinned it when I fell out
of bed this morning.
Well, let me get you
a Band-Aid.
We have a little scraped-knee
First-Aid kit here.
Okay.
Let's see
what we got here.
Oh, yeah, that's
a real doozy.
Thank you, Dr. Drake.
Or is it
Drakowski ?
It almost was
Dr. Drakowski.
Yeah, no kidding.
UCLA, premed.
Let me guess, gynecology ?
Wow, you're relentless.
So what happened between
the world of MD
and the world of DP ?
Being a doctor was
my dad's idea,
so I abandoned that
as soon as I could,
and then there was
a brief period
as a hot
independent filmmaker,
which won me many awards,
no jobs and a huge
amount of debt,
which led me to my journey
into the deep, dark
underbelly of Hollywood,
the porn industry,
which wasn't all that different
from Hollywood after all.
But none of
that seemed to matter
in the eyes of my father,
who'd rather have me die
in a car accident
than become--
how'd he put it ?
A sleazy pornographer.
That's a pity.
You are so talented.
Jesus Christ, Balaban.
I mean,
don't you get it ?
No one cares.
No one gives a shit.
And you know what ?
They can all go and kiss
my fuckin' ass.
Because I've got
the money they wanna spend
and the girls they
wanna f--
Thanks for
the Band-Aid.
Where are you going ?
If you must know, our
alma mater is having
a gathering for poor loser
film-school alum like myself.
Guess my invitation must
have been lost in the mail.
For a second there,
I was gonna
invite you to go with me.
And be sneered at by
a jury of my peers ?
No thank you.
Great, I already
see three guys
I went down on
in film school.
That's nothing, I see like
six girls I would have
whacked off to
before I met you.
Freak.
Slut.
Hi, could I have a glass
of red wine, please ?
Jody Balaban.
Professor Emerich !
Hi !
My... God,
you look fantastic.
How is that Best Film Award
holding up ?
It's good,
it's on my coffee table.
You know, I called
Mr. Marshall.
I told him to
keep an eye out for you.
You know, I tried
calling him
and it's been
really impossible.
Nothing is impossible,
my dear.
Let's go to my room.
I'll call him
right now.
Oh, Kathleen !
I'll be back !
Jody Balaban.
Hey, Brett.
How are you ?
I'm good,
how are you ?
My agent's just set me up to
direct a Nike commercial.
Can you believe it ?
Well, it's a start, right ?
Anyway, it's better than
working the daily Grind.
Who told you ?
It's a small town.
You do have to laugh
at the irony, though.
The promising Jody Balaban
cutting cock for a living.
I cannot fucking believe
that you just did that.
You royal bitch.
[ Jeff ]
Your highness.
I believe you've missed a spot.
Now, why don't we cut the part
where I break your nose ?
Now run along.
Unless you wanna direct
your Nike commercial
through a wired jaw.
What are you doing here ?
Ah, morbid curiosity.
About who'd be here ?
No.
About what you'd
be wearing.
Come on,
let's get out of here.
[ Gary ]
Jeff.
Hey, man.
What's he doing here ?Getting the hell out
of here before--
Drakowski !
Professor Emerich.
I'm surprised to
see you here.
How's the nut sack ?
See, I kicked the good
professor in the balls.
When was that ?
Four years ago ?
Drakowski wasn't keen on
being called out
for his great contributions
to the cinematic world of porn.
Actually, I wasn't too keen
on you hitting on my wife.
Well, apparently,
the poor woman had no idea
what kind of movies
her husband actually
made for a living.
Yes, but thankfully,
you told her.
Such a waste, Drakowski.
Taking advantage of desperate
women looking for work.
Kind of like using your
credentials to fuck them
in your hotel suite,
Professor ?
I'll be happy to tell
Mr. Marshall
you've made quite
the career change.
[ laughing ]
Why don't you tell his
secretary I say hello ?
Here you go.
So she really didn't know
you directed porn ?
Yeah, it's true.
How is that possible ?
I was too embarrassed to
tell her that I couldn't
make a living as
a filmmaker, so I lied.
I mean, she was content
believing I was making
a half-million dollars
a year doing industrials.
Well, what happened after
she found out ?
Well, naturally, she assumed
I was lying about
everything else,
including fidelity.
Or so she told the judge.
But she's recovering
nicely now in a house
overlooking the Pacific.
I'm sorry, Jeff.
Thanks, Jody.
Are you looking
for attention ?
What kind of attention ?
The kind you can
relish rebuffing.
The kind where
the slimy creature
from the black Jacuzzi
rises from the depths,
starts to lower your strap,
drooling over your innocent,
pert breasts
while he moves in for
the fateful kiss...
closer and closer...
and closer.
I'm just kidding
with you, Balaban.
You think I'm gonna prove
you right about
the big, bad
porn director ?
You think I'm gonna fall
into that trap ?
Come on, you gonna
stay in there all night
or we actually gonna
get some work done ?
I can't take
these games anymore.
If you don't trust me,
there's no point to
even getting married.
I have to
move on.
[ man ]
It's a cut ![ bell ringing ]
So can we move on now ?
I think
I need another one.
Um...
excuse me, can I talk to
you a minute ?
Of course.
I know Katie is supposed to
put up a good fight and all,
but when is enough enough ?
Well, that's
Katie's dilemma.
She really wants to sleep
with Richard,
but she doesn't want him
to think that she's a slut.
Um... but she loves Richard
and how is it
if she's acting on
her true desires,
that that
makes her a slut ?
If she really, really wants
to be intimate with him,
why doesn't she ?
She trusts him,
she loves him.
She desires him.
Why can't she
just be with him ?
Jody, the camera's ready.
I'm gonna do a quick
rewrite on the scene.
[ man ]
All right,
let's rock and roll.
So I don't
wanna have sex ?
You do wanna have sex,
but you want her to want you
even more than you want her,
and that's how you know that
you're gonna get her,
and she's
going to give in.
You gotta play hard to get
a little bit.
Okay ?
That's not natural.
[ man ]
Rolling.
[ Kathleen ]
84 kilo, take five.
Action.
Are you looking
for attention ?
What-- what kind of
attention ?
I don't know.
Maybe...
this kind.
Or this kind.
[ chuckling ]
I'm just playing
with you, Katie.
Jeez.
You take everything
so damn seriously.
[ moaning ]
Jody...
You may now
kiss the bride.
See ?
It was fine for you
to be a slut.
I'm still marrying you.
Okay, everyone,
that's a wrap !
That was hot, guys,
that was so great.
[ all talking ]
[ Kathleen ]
No, thank you.
Hey, Jody.
Hi.
I got you
a wrap present.
Dick, you shouldn't have.
I--
Please, I want you to.
I made it
especially for you.
It's my dick.
In a box.
I'll treasure it forever.
And there's no
balls on it, either.
It's just the shaft.I don't need 'em.
Okay.
I'm so proud of you.
Really ?
When I say this,
this is the truest thing
I've ever said:
You're the best director
I've ever worked with,
and I've done
over 400 movies.
Hey, Laura.
Thank you so much.
I couldn't have done this
without you.
I don't know about that,
but how do you think
it'll turn out ?
A lot different than
the script I wrote,
thanks to you.
Thank you,
thank you so much.
Thank you for taking me
seriously.
You're welcome.
No, I mean it.
To be given this chance,
this opportunity,
really means a lot to me
and it's really special.
Thank you.
See you at the premiere.
Don't really care
Who found who
[ phone ringing ]
[ answering machine beeping ]
[ mother ]
Hi, honey.
It's Mommy and Daddy to wish
you a happy birthday.
We wish we could be
there to celebrate.
We love you so much.
You call us--
Hurry up.
Bye, sweetheart.
Do you think she had
any idea ?
Please, she doesn't
even know we exist.
[ all ]
Surprise !
Sandwich !
Whose idea was this ?
Who do you think,
Balaban ?
Happy birthday.
[ all ]
Aww.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Hey.
Hi.
So let's dance, huh ?
Guys, thank you so much.
Blow out your cock !
Oh, my God.
Come on.
[ Kathleen ]
Why don't you make a wish ?!
[ slow music playing ]
Let's go upstairs.
I got a little surprise
for you up on the roof.
Give you a chance
Here, put this on.
Cheers.
Hey, you know what, this--
Thank you.
Hey, how--
Whoa.
What are you thinking ?
That I really wanna
kiss you right now.
Well, if she's not here,
then we'll just
go back to the room.
Hello.
Hi.
Are you guys
the fluffers ?
No, we're the Balabans,
Jody's parents.
She's with her
new boyfriend.
Jody has a boyfriend.Boyfriend, what ?
Yeah, Jeff.
Jeff Drake.
Director.
Directed by Jeff Drake.
Jupiter, Mars, Uranus.
It's like
a sci-fi thing.
Honey, let's go,
let's keep walking.
We'll find her desk.
Could you
do a scene with--
He's not out
of his dressing room yet.
I think
I'm going crazy.
I just saw my parents.
How was your flight ?
Our-- it was lovely.
We saw
a terrific movie.
It's the--
oh, a Ron Howard movie.
What's the name,
what was it called, honey ?
It's called
"this is your fault."
It's not anybody's fault.
Why does this have to be
somebody's fault, Dad ?
You tell me.
After you've paid four years
of Ivy League tuition
and two years
of grad school
for your daughter,
who ends up--
What ?
Getting a good job,
working as an editor ?
Some things aren't worth
the sacrifice.
I'm not sacrificing
anything.
I saw you
with that--
What's his name ?
The pornographer.
Jeff.
Look, I can imagine how
this must seem to you,
but you should have
more faith in your daughter.
Would you ?
If she wound up working
at a place like this ?
Oh, hell no, no.
In fact,
I'd use this on her.
Except she kind of
likes it.
Okay, okay, let's go.
He's kidding,
he's kidding, he's kidding.
It's not funny.
That's not how you
talk to my parents.
I'm sorry.
See, I didn't know how to
speak to your parents
because I didn't
come here with any sort of
preconceptions as to
who they were.
All I know is I'm
crazy about their daughter.
She's a little quick to judge,
but no one's perfect.
What's your point ?
We shouldn't be
so quick to judge you ?
What, is he kidding me ?
A man is
what a man does.
Come on.
Why did you have to
antagonize them ?
Why didn't
you say anything ?
Is it because a small part
of you agrees with them ?
Or a big part ?
This was a horrible idea
and I told you it was.Okay, okay, I was wrong.
Is that what you wanted me
to say, I'm wrong ?Yes !
But did you have to
be so hard on her--
Mom, Dad, wait.
Look, he's not
what you think.
He's really talented.
He's honest
and he believes in me.
How can you be
so naive, Jody ?
That man could give
a damn about you.
You're just
a sweet, little detour
from his jaded,
perverted life.
And that's where it ends.
How can you not
see that ?
Dad, you're wrong.
Come on, let's go.
Mom.
Debra, get in the car.
Look at how
happy she is.
What's wrong with
being happy ?
And someday
My, my, my
I'll be your life...
I took your advice,
Balaban.
The one with the faces.
No.
No, I'm a little drunk.
And I would...
good for you
to take advantage of me.
If you're here
to apologize,
you're doing a good job.
Lady
I'll make you change
Jeff !
Fuck you.
Hey, stop, stop.
I thought that
was you in there.
You must really think
I'm stupid.
But I'm not.
I may be a loser
at the dating game,
but I had an Ivy League
education.
Yeah, so your
father boasted.
Not like most of
the people here.
I didn't drop out of Fuck Me
High at 16 to come to Grind
to edit pussy
and suck the director's dick.
I came to get what I needed
and get out.
Stop.
Before you say something
you might regret.
Like what ?
Like maybe
my dad was right ?
Or was it your dad ?
Jeff vs. Jody.
I didn't know
who to root for.
[ woman moaning ]
[ knocking ]
Yeah ?
You pulled it off.
I can't thank you
enough, Irene.
No thanks
necessary, honey.
I mean, I just watched
the final cut of Jeff's movie.
Excellent work.
I really think it's gonna
empower the female audience.
God, I'm such a genius
for hiring you.
What did he
say about it ?
Jeff, I'm not sure.
You know, he's made himself
kind of scarce this week, so...
Oh, your last check.
Here you go.
I hope you understand
that I cannot let you
edit your movie here.
Just with what's
transpired with Jeff,
it would be really
bad business.
I understand.
God, it's such a shame
you two didn't just
fuck each other's lights
out and get it over with.
Like that's the answer to
all of life's problems.
It's the answer to
some of the problems.
Some pretty big ones,
honey.
I need to get laid.
[ Bliss ]
Who is it ?
I said, who the fuck
is it ?
I'm sorry,
it's Jody Balaban.
I was the editor.
I know
who you are.
You can come in.
You've done a nice job
with Jeff's movie.
Most people
just go for the gore
and you actually entice
before the payoff.
Maybe that's 'cause...
I think sex is something that's
better off when it's earned.
Or maybe you're just
a natural-born cock tease.
Hey, that's one of the best
parts of being a woman.
That and being a mother.
You're a mother ?
And a wife.
Married eight years.
One beautiful son.
That's crazy.
Does your husband
know what you do ?
Of course
he knows what I do.
He financed my
first movie.
What could I say ?
He gets off watching me
have sex with other men.
As long as it's him
I make love to.
Hey, if there's one thing
you can learn from working
here at Grind, Jody,
it's to each his own.
Or her own.
You know what's funny ?
I had so many conversations
with you in my head,
but you're nothing
like I expected.
You know
what else is funny ?
How much you
respect Laura.
[ laughing ]
I'm a better actress
than you thought, huh ?
[ cell phone ringing ]
Take a breath
and close your eyes
Drifting in the sunlight
It's golden
And feel the rush
of the tide
It feels like
you're starting to fly
You float
There she goes
Where did she go ?
Oh, my God.
You look so beautiful.
I'm so excited.
Before you crash into
the skylight
You're flying
I hold my breath
and close my eyes
The sunlight
in the summertime
Is cold
There she goes
[ Laura ] If you love me, you'll wait.
A relationship isn't just about sex.
[ Dick ]
Are you looking
for attention ?
What-- what kind of attention ?
[ laughing ]
I'm lost
Ooh I tried
What I was
looking for
I could not find
Falling
out of place
With little hope
I thought that I could
do it all alone
So tell me
Where to go
Lead the way
And I will
follow
Teach me
All you know
Lead the way
And I will
follow...
Please, call me anytime.
I would love to set up
a meeting at our agency.
Thank you.
[ woman ]
Great job, Jody !
Thanks.
Ooh !
What's the matter ?
Nobody came.
Everybody came.
From Grind.
Well, what'd you expect ?
I mean, they're probably out
having their ass hairs
waxed or something.
I am so glad your father
didn't hear that.
Mom !
Oh !
[ man ]
Hey, Kathleen.
Oh, my baby girl.
I'm so glad
you made it here.
I would not have missed
this for the world.
Did Dad come ?
[ Sindi ]
Jody ?
Oh, there's--
Hi.
Hey, hey.
Sindi.
Where were you sitting ?I was just--
Next to me.
You did a great job.
Yeah.
You too.
I can never
figure this out.
I need to--
I'm so proud of you.Thank you, Dad.
Well, I'm gonna go
get a drink.
My daughter,
my daughter.
So what'd you think ?
You are so talented
and everyone was awesome.
I can't wait to
tell them.
Why didn't they come ?
They're in Vegas.
Y'know, it's the AVN Awards
tomorrow night.
Oh, the Adult Video Awards.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, Jeff's up for
Best Director.
So that's exciting, right ?
You guys know that
I didn't really mean to
hurt any of you, right ?
And that I appreciate
you so much.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
I don't remember
anything about that night.
I was really wasted.
It really wasn't
Jeff's fault,
'cause--
'cause he-- he thought
that I was you.
So you
and Jeff never--
I wish.
We've all been trying to
get in his pants for years.
I'm beginning to wonder if
he can still get it up.
What do you mean ?
Jeff hasn't been
with a woman
since his wife left him.
It's funny how it
works in our business.
You gotta keep it a secret
when you don't
screw around.
Oh, God,
I almost forgot.
This is for you.
Thanks.
Listen, I've got to
catch my plane to Vegas,
so... I'll see you
around, okay ?
Okay.
I didn't open your present.
Oh, that's
not from me.
It's from Jeff.
See you at
the Oscars.
[ announcer ]
Live from Las Vegas, welcome
to this year's AVN Awards.
It's the biggest night
for the adult industry's
brightest stars.
Up for
Best Girl-Girl:
Stormy Daniels, Jesse Jane,
Sasha Grey.
Up for Best Director:
Jeff Drake for
"Finding Bliss."
Russian superstar Kato arrived
with her costar Dick Harder,
up for Best Actor.
Up for Best Oral Sex,
Dyan Canyons
arrives with porn legends
Ron Jeremy and Jake B. Bigg.
There's Wicked's Dave O.
And welcome to this year's
AVN Awards.
This next category reminds me
of that Victor Mature quote,
"I'm no actor and I have
64 movies to prove it."
[ all laughing ]
You're so immature.
[ crowd ]
Ooh...
Anyway, this year's
nominees for
Best Actor
in a video are...
Got ID ?
Yeah.
Company ID.
Wicked, Vivid--
Grind.
Well... not anymore.
Can't let you in without
an ID, sweet tits.
Hey, Bobby.
Hi, ladies.
Can't do it.
Hi.
About time.
You better
get in there.
You're gonna miss Jeff's
big speech.
They won't let me in.
Really.
And finally, for
the Best Director nominees.
[ cheering ]
We have Ryan Raven
for "Back-End Deal,"
Toby Shaft
for "Hung Jury."
And for the fifth time
in a row,
Jeff Drake for
"Finding Bliss,"
a film you can actually
whack off to
at an art-house
theater near you.
And the winner is...
Jeff Drake !
[ cheering ]
Jeff !
[ laughing ]
Oh, wow, wow.
Thank you,
thank you so much.
It's-- it's always a thrill
to be up here.
Let me start by thanking all
the hardworking people at Grind.
I couldn't have done
this without you.
Especially Irene Fox,
who is my dear friend.
Well, I'd also like to thank
the industry
for the last time.
The adult world
has been good to me,
but it's time for me
to move on.
Before I do, I'd like
to say a special thanks
to a very special woman.
I'd like to thank
the star of my film,
the one, the only...
Bliss.
[ cheering ]
Everyone, this is Jody.
She was my--
Editor.
And my--
Cowriter.
And--
His self-righteous,
cock-teasing...
dildo-hiding--
You had me at
cock-teasing.
[ cheering ]
Ooh...
Found your secret
The secret of life
I want to
share it with you
Trust
And you say
The secret
that's deep inside
That magic door
Inside of you
[ scatting ]
Love
Love
Love
And when you
find it
You will know
Love
Love unconditional
Oh love
Love unconditional
[ scatting ]
Trust
and you'll find
The secret that's
deep inside
That magic door
Inside of you
Oh, oh, oh love
Love unconditional
And when you
find it
You will know
Whoa, whoa, whoa
whoa, whoa
Love
Love unconditional
Oh love
Love unconditional
[ scatting ]
Yes
It's a secret
But it's not
really a secret
Because it's really
inside of us
It's inside everybody
You've just
got to find it
You've just
got to find it
[ scatting ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa
whoa, whoa
Love
Oh love
Love unconditional
Love
Love unconditional
Yes
It's a secret
But it's not really
a secret
Because it's
all inside of us
It's inside everybody
You've just
got to find it