Fransgiving (2022) Movie Script
1
[ Rustling ]
-In 1621, pilgrims took a break
from burning witches
to attend the first Thanksgiving feast.
Uninvited, obviously.
Read the room, fucking puritans.
After hundreds of years, this national holiday
of wasting a weekend with people you literally just can't with
has been a well-documented
American tradition.
But our generation -- technically I'm Gen Z,
but I self-identify as a Millennial --
is breaking off with the separatist movement
known as Friendsgiving, which is why I'm here.
My name is Frances Sharp. I'm a documentarian.
I'm criticized as a narcissist
with a compulsion
to document everything.
Everyone yells at me to
"cut the fucking camera, Fran."
-You just have to give it to her, and then if you do,
she'll leave you alone
eventually.
-Some people have therapy dogs.
I have my iPhone.
This Thanksgiving, I'm putting myself in front of the camera
with my best friend, Parker.
And her weird-assMormon boyfriend
at his butt-fuck-nowhere cabin.
-Yeah. Okay.
Okay. No. Got to go.
Losing service. Okay.
Ew. Dude, just hit your JUUL
like a normal person.
-No Ingls.
-Wait. Dude, since when did you
start smoking?
-Since... -Don't say Atticus.
-I invited my fuck-buddy,
Atticus,
to Friendsgiving dinner tonight.
Parker doesn't know.
-Really?
-Speaking of Atticus...
Parker doesn't like Atticus.
-I fucking hate Atticus.
-Oh, my gosh.
[ Hip-hop music plays on radio ]
Dude, I just hate that his music is so good!
-It's fucking hot.
-I know.
-A few bungalow railroad Barbies
Been plannin' my escape
all morning
I just don't get why
you like him.
-You justhave to get to know him.
-Hmm. I'm good.
Don't ever care to meet
that guy.
-Whatever.
-I'm an educator at an elite
boarding school.
-She teaches third grade.
-Jude Law's goddaughter
is in my class.
-Please shut the fuck up
-I quit my job as creative director
because I need more creative
control over my projects.
-They fired her for wearing her roller blades in the office.
-Parker. -What?
-Bud Lite in one hand, cigar in the other
3-0-5 till I die, that's word to your mother
Word to your daddy, he can be my caddy
Let me slide in it, girl,
I know you got a fatty
Let me put it on ya,
nice and slow
Red light, green light,it's time for me to go
Get me on a boat, let me get a smoke
Rodriguez cigars and you know I like it so
Say up next ain't just cool
no more
Do the most, can't do no more
So excited for dinner.It's gonna be so perfect.
You're gonna literally love JD.
Like, you're gonna love him.
I just know.
-Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up, ain't lookin' so cool no more
Do the most, what they doin' that for?
-Did we check if this is okay?
-Um, I have literally zero bars.
-It'll be nice to, like, not have service for a while.
-Yeah, I have friends in Idaho.
They go to Starbucksfor their WiFi, and it...
Really cool. I don't hear from them very often.
-Wait. Have you been recording us this whole time?
-Duh.-Typical.
-Oh, look at the swings.
-Oh, my God, wait,
they're so cute.
-Okay, I'm literally screaming.
-I'm so excited!
-Okay.
Remember when I broke my teeth
on that rope swing?
-You also broke your back.
-Less important.
-Okay, you're --you're stressing me out.
Just get on the swing.
-Only because I want to.
Not because you're telling me.
-Just get on.
Okay.So, I'm gonna be cheesy.
I don't know.
I just feel like we've disconnected a lot
in the last few years
and just because of life or whatever.
And I know I've changed a lot
and you've, um --
well, you're you.
I just feel like this weekend's
a perfect time to, like,
reconnect, and I don't know,
I just feel so blessed.
-Don't be bolder.
-Never.
-Is that John David?
-Yes, actually,it's John Dallas,
and I think he's the one.
-Ah! -[ Cheering ]
-Nice. Excited to meet him.
-Is that a tattoo?
-You're judging.
-I mean, I'm only judgingthat you didn't tell me.
-I didn't want to tell you
because you'd judge me out of it.
-I mean, I'm sorry, but who did that shit?
It looks hideous.
-So, Atticus...-Are you serious?
-Sorry I'm reclaiming
my own body.
-Okay, with a prison tat? -'Cause I was feeling
all weird about getting
chlamydia.
-From Atticus.
So you're reclaiming your own
body from Atticus Vincent
by getting a tattoo by Atticus Vincent.
-We've been hooking up for,
like, five years now,
and she still hasn't met him,
but I swear he's nice
and, like, repressed,
progressive, hot.
I mean, he was talking so much
about beingin an open relationship.
-Frances literally thought
they were actually
in an open relationship.
-Then he moved in with his girlfriend, Hannah Jack-off
or Jackson or whatever the fuck.
She still refuses to meet me because I'm "the other woman."
-No, no air quotes.
You're literally that.
-Okay. It's a radio.
I'm tuning in to my new self
or something.
Whatever. It made sense when I was getting it.
My mom was gonna throw me off a roof.
-I mean...
It is kind of cool.
Like something your cousin Melwould get at rehab or something.
-Oh, shit.
-What? What did you do, Fran?
What did you do?
-Basically, I like literally
actively exploit
my family for my films. Last Thanksgiving,
I captured the underlying darkness of American culture.
Mainly my family being hypocritical dicks.
Aunts on Xanax.
My woke father, who hasn't
paid a tax since '89.
My cousin Mel'sheroin addiction.
Big crowd-pleaser.
-Fran.
-So, I was feeling really bad
about getting us both kicked out of Thanksgiving this year.
-Turn your video off.
Off.
-As a result of my truth telling,
I'm technically not allowed back
at Grandma's house.
-And?
Fran. [ Car door closes ]
-Oh, my God. Thanks so much.
Tell your daughter to call me any time she's ready, okay?
Thanks. Stay safe and stay sexy. Bye!
-[ Sighs ]
-You know it's, like, her thing to invite herself everywhere.
-I don't have time
to yell at you.
Just get your fucking turkey.
-Okay. But this turkey is going to befuego.
-Oh, my God. Hi, you guys!
-Mel, where have you been, girl?
-Grad school.
That's what I call my outpatient rehab.
Oh, my God, bro. Did you seethere's a literal fucking river?
Yeah, my sponsor told me that
if I came the mountains,
I'd probably get high.
Or maybe that was my horoscope.
-[ Sighs ]
-Wow, dude, I have not seen you like a guy like this before.
-Love, dude.
And I'm pretty surehe's gonna propose soon.
-Ew. Why? -Well, because I told him to.
-Ew, dude. Why? Do you want to be, like, a child bride?
-Fuck off. -Two-cow dowry.
-Okay, our moms had us when they were both 24.
-They're fucking miserable.
-No.Mymom is miserable.
Your mom's, like, the happiest
woman I know.
-Except when it comes to me.
-Solution -- maybe you should just stop
making films that exploit literally everyone you know?
-Mel isn't allowed
to family events
until she's, like, a year sober.
-Three months clean,
you bitch fuck.
-That's amazing! -Wow! Wow, Mel.
-Don't fucking patronize me like that.
And what the hell are you two
doing withyourlives
that's any better?
-I want to be a mom.
-And I want to be takenseriously as a filmmaker
by my mom.
[ Lightsaber zapping ]
-[Distorted voice] I am your only sibling.
-Noooo!
It's show time!
-Oh.
-I'm Frances Sharp, and you'rewatching Thanksgiving food porn.
-Oh!
Ew!
-Silly me. How could I have started cooking without...
-Oh, guys, I almost forgot. Look what I brought for you!
-Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
-Nope. No, no, no, nope.
I kind of have a weird relationship with, like, food.
Nope. No, no, no, nope.
Is it gonna ruin our appetite?
Absolutely not.
Especially sugar. It's like a control thing.
-Okay. I guess nothing's changed
since high school.
-She tried so hard to be bulimic
in high school,
but she couldnever actually throw up.
-Yeah, that bitch would be in the bathroom, like [Gags].
[ Both gagging ]
-I just can't with Mel.
-[ Retches ] Don't start.
And Mel, how did you
even get here?
-Uber, bitch.
-What the fuck? What was that, like...?
[ Cash register dings ]
-I'm still signed up to my
ex-daddy's account.
He's hella mad about it.
Whatever. I told him to suck a fat cock,
then I asked his brother
for a dick pic.
Oh, my God, you guys,take a look at this big,
juicy fucking monster cock.
-Ew! -The fuck?
How do you have service?
-Mm-mm.
-Do you have Verizon?
-Yeah.
-So I. What the shit?
-Can you at leastuse your thumbs?
She never uses her thumbs.
She just, like, shovels
shit around with her, like, avocado paws.
It's disgusting.
-I need a wine opener.
-Well, good luck finding onebecause his parents don't drink.
-Two years ago, she asked me
if she was an alcoholic.
-...like it so, you know I like to drink
Listen to me sing, rapper, you know I got the bling
-And I told her it's fine aslong as she stops after college.
Then last week, she FaceTimed me, so drunk,
and told meshe did too much cocaine
and clogged the toilet
at a party.
[ Exhales ]
-What the fuck?Are they actually Mormon?
-He's, like, culturally Mormon.
-What does that even mean?
Is he, like, a virgin?
Wait.
You guys haven't had sex yet?
Ew, dude, that's hella creepy.
You've been dating for like six months,
and you're a nympho.
-I'm a nympho!
I'm a nympho! I'm a nym--
-No, I'm not.
-You literally fucked a homeless dude in a one-night stand.
-Dude, that was you.
Yeah. -Still, though.
-Whatever. Well, JD doesn't drink anyway.
-Oh, yeah. He's in recovery.
You're not supposed to fuck in your first year of sobriety.
-No, he's not an alcoholic.
He just chooses not to partake
in premarital sex.
-Oof! Big yikes.
I'm a big catchphrase girl.
Right now, it's "oof" and "big yikes." People love that.
Ay-yi-yi! -Don't.
-Ew! Is that, like...
Is that racist? -Why would you ask me?
-Because you're Mexican.
-Frances, you can't say shit like that!
-Not an insult.
-In this climate, that's also my catchphrase.
-So how the fuckam I supposed to open up
all the wine I brought?
-I don't know. Not my problem,because I'm not drinking either.
-Said the girl that once smuggled blowintoMexico.
-...fucking shot of fucking 100 proof!
You fucking shit-head! Aah!
Whatever.
I'm sure you're gonna forgive me because you're gonna
totally hit it offwith his best friend, Mackenzie.
-Oh. What's he like?
[ Laughter ]
-[ Shouts indistinctly ]
-All right, so I was on my mission, before med school.
-This fool was knocking on my door,
trying to tell me about Jesus.
-He was like, "Bro, I got something better than Jesus."
-Bro, I look like a peacock.
-Bro, youdolook like
a peacock.
Jump off or something.
[ Both laughing ]
-Yo, JD, your neighbors
are awesome!
-He was right. I quit my mission.
-I quit my job at Space X.
-And we've been punching each other in the face ever since.
Mac, do you mind handing me
that box right there?
-JD, this is Frances.
-Hi. How are you?
-He's just, like,so thoughtful and sweet.
-What the fuck? You're so hot.
Oh, my God. My horoscope is literally happening right now.
-Hi. It's so nice to see you.
-So good.
-I feel like it'd be less weird
if they just had sex
in front of us.
-You say that, and then it happens,
and it's, like, kind of awkward.
-JD. Oh, my God! JD!
JD!
-Whoa! Leave him!
-Ow!
-Parker, seriously, let him just stay.
He'll stop in 3, 2, 1.
[ Laughs ]
-What was that?
-Bro.
That was a long one.
-What the hell?
-Babe, are you okay? -No, I'm not fucking okay.
Fine. -He does that, like, every time
we punch each other
in cold water.
-Do -- Do you guys
do that often?
-Mm. Kind of.
We're looking to buy an RV together soon.
-Can you guys do thatliterally anywhere else?
-It's okay. -No, it's not okay.
It's where we're making dinner.
-It's just food.
-No, it's not just food.
It's dinner.
And it means so much to me.
-Put some ice on it. I'm going for a run.
-Are you kidding me?
[ Sighs ]
-Food porn.
That's hot.
Cut.
-Okay. That's enough.You're stressing me out.
Go wash your raw turkey hands.
That's disgusting.
And also, like, what time is it?
Why do you look constipated?
-She knows that I look constipated when I'm guilty.
Forgot my magnesium.
-No, you didn't.
I saw you spent all your unemployment on supplements.
-I invited Atticus.
-Dude!
-On accident! -What the fuck?
That's so fucking rude!
-Oh, my God. Stop screaming.
-No, I-I can't --
I can't handle any more --your inability to set boundaries
and fucks with everyone else's plans.
It's so fucking rude.
-Well, I can't helpthat Mel invited herself.
-I get Mel.That's on brand for her.
But some asshole you're
not even dating?
-Pretty on brand for me,
to be honest.
-Fucking Fran, man.
[ Sighs ]
Ugh!
-Hey, Siri, remind meto 20 in turkey minutes.
-What do you want to be reminded about?
[ Birds chirping ]
-God! Fuck camping.
Ohhh, my God!
Ugh! [ Sobs ]
Fuck me!
Unh! [ Sobbing ]
[ Exhales ]
Breathe.
[ TV chatter ]
-Ew, could you, like, open a window or something?
Be, like, a little more respectful of my sobriety.
Thanks.
[ Laughs ]
LOL atyoubeing the high one
at Thanksgiving now.
-That's different.
-Is it, though?
-You literally overdosed
at Grandma's.
-And?
-And shut up. I'm meditating.
-Is she always like this?
-Well, now that I'm sober and my mental faculties
are heightened, I can see that she probably has a problem.
-With drugs?
-Yeah. And dudes.
Mostly just one, though.
Oh, my God. Your little baby cut.
Let me help you with that.
[ Car approaching, hip-hop music playing ]
-Fuck.
[ Hip-hop song playing
on radio ]
Up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
-Are you ready?
Do the most, what they doin' that for?
Oh, hey. You must be Parker.
It's so nice to meet you.
Are you okay with a hug?
-Sure. -Great.
Oh, this is my partner, Hannah.
-Thank you so muchfor letting me join last minute.
-I tried Frances. I couldn't get a hold of her for some reason.
-Shitty service.-Oh, man. Is that still a thing?
-I'm sure you already have one,
but I thought it wouldn't hurt
to have another turkey.
-And she made amazing veggies
'cause, you know, we're,
like, kind of vegan,
kind of not.
-But this is a real turkey.
-And that's the "kind of not" party.
-Just have to pop it in the oven a little before.
-Oh, great.
Well, I actually think Fran
already brought a turkey.
But this is amazing. So thank you so much.
-Oh, and I brought some stuff to make a charcuterie board.
We're pretty well-known for this at dinner parties.
-Great. Let me help carry that.
-Yep.
Oh, and cases and casesof some of the best wine
from my father's -- Oh, man. All right.
What screams privilege more than
drinking Daddy's wine?
-Literally nothing.
-[ Laughs ]
[ Both laugh awkwardly ]
-Just kidding. No privilege shaming here.
Follow me in.
-[Muttering] Oh, I --
Uh, yeah. Just...
I'm coming.
Oh!
[ Cellphone beeps ]
-I'm not sleeping, you shit-talking-ass bitch.
-Say hi to your mom! -Frances? Is that you?
-Oh, my -- -You look terrible!
-Three months clean, Auntie W.
-Oh. Oh, Mel, honey, that's such great news.
[ Line beeps ]
-Ew!
-No, dude.
-Oof. Is that him?
-Fwanny!
-Atty!
-Happy Thanksgiving.
-Hey, Frances!
-[ Chuckles awkwardly ]
-It's amazing to finally meet you.
-Sorry. Just...
-Hey. -Yeah.
Oh, sorry. Just -- Yeah.
-Hey.
-Hi. -Hey.
-Um, just come in. Yeah.
-Hi.
-So weird that she
invited herself.
-All right, first things first.
How can I help you?
Oh, that salad is absolutely gorgeous.
-Right?-Oh, the colors.
The colors are incredible.
And these decorations are so creative with little leaves.
Did you make those?
-Wow. Um, you're here.
-I'm here.
-Let's watch some game-day
football, baby.
Did you guys know I used to be a cheerleader?
-Oh, my --
-I think the most unattractive
thing a person could do
is a spontaneous backflip.
-Literally, don't tell.
-Sneaky girl.
You so sneaky!
-I, like, think that Fran's
the real asshole here.
You're, like, awesome.
-Oh, Fran's a sweetie,
you're a sweetie.
I'm just happy to be here.
-So, um...
can I get you something
to drink?
-Oh. Sure. Actually, that would be great.
-You know what's funny?
I literally hated you, like, 10 minutes ago.
-That's quite fair.
-And now you've gotten me
to drink?
-I wasn't taking no
for an answer.
But, uh, like, you know, like, no means no.
-No, yeah, yeah. Totally.
Totally.
-I'm gonna go get that big Brie.
-Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
-Wine? -Red, please.
-Okay.
-So, do you send dick pics? Because I bet that cock is...
-This is music to my fucking ears.
-Wait, do you hear that?
Is that Frances I hear, walking on her toes again?
All right, so the trick toreally doing a Franny impression
is [Imitating Frances] you have to talk like this with
[Normal voice] zero subtlety.
-It's like you're tortured
in, like, some weird way or whatever.
-Aren't you guys, like, a married old fucking couple.
-Actually, I was just showing
him my Pinterest board.
-Ew, dude, what is with this wedding shit all of a sudden?
-I mean, I think the pictures
are, like, interesting
and beautiful in, like,a modern, grotesque way.
-You don't even believe
in marriage.
-I don't believe in having
biological children
'cause the world's fucked up
enough as it is,
but Hannah and I -- we've been looking at houses.
-What? You always say you don't believe in marriage.
-[ Parker shrieks ] Oh, my God. What are you doing?
-I'm gutting a fish.
-Why?!
-Are you, like, all into fish rights?
-No. Why are you doing it
in my kitchen?
-Don't worry, I'm gonna grill this up
with the rest of the meat --
it's gonna be so good.
-It smells like fucking fish.
Ugh!
God.
-I thought you weren't
drinking tonight.
-I'm not. This is for you.
Now help me bring this stuff inside.
-Only because I want to. Not because you're telling me.
-Also, I'm really sorry
about Atticus.
I, like, understand now.
He's, like, kind of cool, attentive, whatever.
I still have one problem.
-Love triangles. Same. -No, table settings.
I'm three short. It's gonna fuck up the whole picture.
-Oh, I love this commercial.
-Take them with you.
Everywhere you go.
-Positive
Positive
Positive
Positive, mm
-Y'all ever had a doggie Xanax?
[ Sighs ] Okay.
So, how did youand Atticus meet?
-Bumble, actually.
-So cute.
Modern love.
-[ Smacks leg ]
-Honestly, Bumble really needsto have a filter for micro-dicks
because that shit is problematic.
-Y'all ever try Craigslist Meet-ups?
-What?
-All right, so, my best friend,
the game developer --
he sent me this Woke Special Edition.
It's so dope.
-Oh, fun.
The only thing worse than small talk?
I fucking hate playing games.
I'm too competitive.
-One time, Frances bit Grandpa
after he beat her
in a game of Candyland.
That little bitch broke skin.
She was, like, 10.
-Cool.
So is that, like, a party game?
-Mm-hmm.
-Great. How long is it gonna take?
I actually might hate games
more than Frances.
-All right, it says, "Kiss the nearest consenting adult."
Easy. Babe, can I kiss you?
-Yeah, of course.
-Dude, why can't JD not just be like that?
Well, minus the whole, like,open part. I'd fucking kill him.
-"Name three controversial mascots."
What the fuck?I literally hate sports.
-I'll go. Um...
Oh. "Educate yourself. Vote."
-"Boycott..." What's cultural appropriation?
-All right. For example, we had to stop going to hip-hop yoga.
It got to be a little problematic.
-[ Laughs ] You're literally
a white rapper.
-Technically...
All right, so, my mother's family -- they're from here.
Northern Italy, so, like,basically Germany, right?
But my father's family
were from here,
the southernmost tip of Sicily,
so basically Africa.
-Okay. Fucking murder me.
-So, I mean, you know, technically, in this climate --
-Are you fucking kidding me?
That's my catchphrase.
-I don't know about that. I say it a lot around Franny.
You probably stole it from her,who definitely stole it from me.
-That guy's fucking dead to me.
-Um, absolutely fucking not,
Atticus.
-This one just says to Venmo a Mexican.
-[ Coughs ]-[ Laughs ] I'm so dead.
-What the fuck?
Are you kidding?
[ All shouting ]
-[ JD and Mackenzie cheering ]
-Yeah! Let's go!
-Look, babe.
-Why are you holding roadkill?
-Mac and I set thesesnares earlier, and they worked.
-This is, like, my only outfit.
-I highly, highly doubt that.
-That disgusting. No, you're not.
The menu is set. -Let's get out of here.
-I'm on a hunter-gatherer diet,
baby.
-Since when? -Uh, since always.
In the mountains. Come on.
-Let's go, bro!
-Oh. Sorry.
-It's okay. They're not even prescription.
[ Telephone rings ]
-Who the fuck is that?
-No idea.
-Best popper. -Hey. Nice work, grill.
-Nicely done. Wait. Let me cut it.
-I'm sorry, who is this? -Oh, God. Oof. JD!
-Is JD there?
-JD.
-No. -No, it's your mom.
Take it.
Please. -Yeah?
Mom. I told you I was having friends over today.
Me and Mac and Parker.
-Oh! Oh. -Ew!
-We're just hanging out.
-He's just, like, so thoughtful
and sweet.
-Your father and I are having
Thanksgiving with...
-Mom. Mom.
-JD!-[Laughing] Nice!
-Come on, here.
-Fucking finally. You're here.
I think this is it.
I think -- I think this is
the perfect time to have,
like, an open and honest conversation with each other.
The three of us.
-Whoo! -Yeah!
-I have -- I have to go
to the bathroom.
[ JD and Mackenzie shouting,
cheering ]
-Fuck!
Why are you that?
-I'm starting to feel like I'm in a throuple.
-Don't be the other girl.
-Where is the turkey, Frances?
Where's the turkey, Frances?
-It's in the oven.
I mean that I was going to.
-But then she got high.
-Oh!
-Oh. Oh, my God. -Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God.Everybody stop screaming.
It's fine. Shut up.
Shut up and...
-Ew!
-This is just sofucking typical.
Oh, no, I got it. Thanks.
-Yeah.
-Are you gonna have enough time
to cook it because --
-Yeah, I will. Yeah. This is part of the recipe.
Okay. Actually, um...
-Yeah. -Actually, I just need to...
-[ Laughs ]
-No way, bro. They made you
fight your own food?
-Hi. -Hi.
-Hi.
-So, are you, like high
all the time?
-I don't know, actually.
-That's such a dope way to live.
-Did I tell you Mac and I are getting an RV?
-No.
-You sure you don't want to hit this blunt?
-I mean, I really want to,
but I probably shouldn't.
-Oh, come on.
-Maybe.
-Okay. -I'm getting high for sure.
-You don't like drugs
or alcohol?
-No, the issue is more
that I love
drugs and alcohol more than anything.
-I feel like I should
go help her.
-No, come on. No, come on. Let's go -- Let's go over here.
-[ Sighs ] So, yeah,
the food porn.
We're doing something a littlebit different this Thanksgiving.
We're just gonna, um -- You're just gonna take the turkey.
Yeah. Nice and tight.
Tender.
Just a cup of water, just to make sure it's nice and juicy.
Just turn it on.
Voila.
-I'm sure it's gonna be great.
-No, it's gonna be shit.
-No, no.
-No, yeah. No, it is.
-[Snobby voice] How about a game
of billiards, old sports?
[Normal voice] All right, we can play three ways.
Cutthroat. I'll break.
-Okay. I guess we're doing that.
Okay. There we go.
-You want to, um --You want to hit the ball.
-So, I've been thinking about
the future a lot lately.
-Yeah?
What do you see?
-Changes.
You know, trying to grow things
for the long term.
-Like you and I?
-Like this deck.
I feel like it's in need ofsome repairs, and in the kitchen
and all kinds of stuff
with the house.
-Clear it up a bit more.
Atticus. [ Laughs ]
-So you're talking about renovations?
-Yeah. What are -- What are you talking about?
-Renovations.
-Close.
-We're gonna be here all night
at this rate.
Yes.
[ Pot steaming, boiling ]
-Hey. Also, Parker Salcedo?
-Yeah?
-Will you sleep in the tent
with me tonight?
-Why?
-See those stars?
-It's still light out.
-Yeah, but we cansleep under them.
-Kind of to the right.
-Yeah. To the -- To the right?
-I actually taught him that.
-Are you sure?
You sure I didn'tlearn it from...?
-No, I'm sure. Remember?
We played all the time
with my parents.
-Your parents.-My parents love Atticus.
-Parents tend to love me
in general.
-Hey, and honestly, thank you
for all the work you put in here today.
I feel like you made this whole
thing feel like a home.
"A" for effort.
-Come take a hit, fam.Feels fucking good to let it go.
-Just hit it really hard. Something's bound to go in.
-You know at least something went in.
-Yeah.
-But I actually do want to try
some of those poppers.
Ah! Too hot. Too fucking hot.
Unh-unh.
-Sorry.-It's all right.
-Do you like downers?
-Okay, marry me?
-So gamey.
I love it.
Mmm.
-Shit.
-It's not the...-Nice. No, that was good.
-...best one, but, I mean,
I've done it it better.
-But you just hit again.
-No, I scratched on an eight.
So it's over. -No, it's...
It doesn't have to be.
-Game's over.
-Okay. Okay.
-It's done. That's how the game is played.
I mean, I mean, it's done now.
-Yeah.
-Girls.
My girls
Where will we go?
Hopefully somewhere to have
A threesome
Mo-mome
[ Beeping ]
-I think your turkey is ready.
-Uh-huh.
Yeah.-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Okay. Um, dinner should be ready any minute.
Cool. Gonna check in on that.
-Frances. -See? Look.
It's basically done. Can you just open?
-Sure.
Okay. Food porn. Here we go.
So, you just, you know,
open it and...
Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't you want to just...
Ahh!
It act-- It falls right off the bone.
That's, like, gonna be -- Oh, it's gonna be really good.
Okay, yeah. So, uh, it'spretty much ready to go.
And...
Obviously, we're gonna give it a nice char.
-Oh, don't.
-Mmm!
-[ Coughs ]
-This isn't, like, conventional turkey,
but I think it's gonna be really good.
-Oh, God, Frances.
-You see all the moistness
really come out
in the water right here.
Be right back.
-Frances, that's enough,
seriously.
-Ta-da!
-Looks great.
-Just...
-I think they're using
Hannah's turkey.
-We can try both. It'll be like a...
-That looks really good.
Definitely can't eat this.
-Yeah.
Oh, no. We -- We can, you know,
make it into a...
-It'll be fine. She'll understand.
[Echoing] She'll understand.
Where is the turkey, Frances?
-I thought I could
bring us closer.
-I didn't have enough time to cook it because, you know...
[ Voices overlapping, echoing ]
-No!
No! No!
-[ Screaming ]
-Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
I fucking hate you!
Fuck that fucking turkey.
Ow! Fuck!
-Frances!
-Oh, my God. Frances.
[ All shouting indistinctly ]
-Assholes.
What the fuck do you want?
-Oh, shit.
-Oh! [ Laughter ]
-Shit! -Poor Turkey.
-Oh, yeah, this is for sure
going on my story.
-Yes.
-I don't tell you what I'm thinking
'Cause it's just too heavy
Yeah, it's just too heavy
When we met, it was so easy
I could be so easy
Now things are so heavy
I saw you walking to school
And I almost approached
And said, "Will you be mine?"
I tried telling you a story
But I sound so silly
And you don't have time
Oh...
-Dear Lord, our God.
Higher power that be for some.
Today, we celebrate --
-Dank food.
-Excuse me. Let me fucking finish.
-Mel, I think I would actually like to say grace tonight.
-You wouldn't know Grace if she fucked you in the ass.
-[ Scoffs ]
Rude. -Oh, my heck.
-I'm sorry. Do you have a problem with my language?
-That move is sick, bro.
-Okay, I know I just had the most
cathartic freakout of my life, but I'm not far from a second.
-Mm, nobody wants that from you.
-And what do we want from you?
The girl that can't go three months without getting high.
-I'm sorry, when was the last timeyouwent
three months without getting high?
-Why are you even here?
-Okay, Iwasgoing to apologize
for bullying you two
in high school,
but now lookwho's the fucking bully.
-She has a point.
-Oh, says the born-again
who can't handle a slightest inconvenience.
-[ Scoffs ]
Damn. -Wait.
Let me smell your mouth.
-No.
No. Fuck off. Stop!-Let me smell your mouth.
-Knew it! You red-wine-stained-
teeth-having-ass bitch.
-Leave her alone, Frances.
-Seriously?
-I'm so annoyed at him saying that.
-Can I just not fucking
speak around you?
-Literally everything you say
is fucking annoying.
Just because your beats are fire doesn't mean that any of us
want to hear the stupid shit that comes out of your mouth.
-Babe, I think we shouldget the fuck out of here.
-Huh?
-I think it's time we go home.
-Go where? You can't drive.
-Can you not drive?
-Absolutely not.
-You know, we don't have to take this.
You know we don't have to take this.
-Oh, no, no, I-I want to see all of this.
-Babe, I think we should just go home. We just go home.
-No, we're not leaving.
You brought me here to see who you are
in this other relationship.
[ Laughs ]
I still don't get it.
Like, just tell me the truth.
Why are we here?
Did you -- Did you bring me here to...
fuck her?
-All right -- -You want to know the truth?
-Please. Please. Please.
-The truth is, I convinced Atticus
to open up your guys' relationship because I thought,
"Let's see how cool your girlfriend really is."
And you know what?
You're not that cool.
-Oh.
You know, it's kind of pathetic how you hang on to him still.
He just uses you. -Oh, really?
Who uses who?
-It's "whom."
It's "whom."
[ Sobs ]
[Crying] "Whom."
-[ Laughing ]
-Atticus?
Atticus.
-Hey. Atticus. -No, what did you do?
What did you do, Mel?
-Okay, relax. I just dropped
a Xeroofex in his drink.
It's the doggie Xanax, you guys.
-Melissa!
-Don't even fucking
full-name me.
-You could have killed him.
-He's fine. Just a little sleepy.
-Oh, my God. -Uh, you're welcome.
He was being fucking annoying, and he stole my catchphrase.
-Yo, I drug JD all the time.
It's chill.
-See?
-JD, are you drinking?
-Yeah. I'm having a glass.
-Since when do you drink?
-Since tonight.
-But I stopped drinking for you.
-Okay, I never asked you to do that.
-Hannah, are you okay?
-Uh...
Can I ask you a question?
Why are you here?
-Oh, okay.I mean, can I be honest?
-Can you?
-I thought...
[Clears throat] that if I came here,
I could prove to Atticusthat I can be open-minded
to accept thisotherpart
of his life
that he's kept compartmentalized
from me for so long.
[ Laughs ]
I -- [Clears throat] I wanted to believe that your relationship
with him was purely physical.
I thought you were gonna be a lot hotter,
and you're not that hot.
[ Laughs ]
Like, you're -- you're, like,
naturally pretty.
Which is much worse.
-Thank you. I think.
-I guess...
I guess I just thought that if I came here,
he would realize hewantsto be
with me. [ Laughs ]
To become more mature.
He says he doesn't want to get married until he's 30.
Well, I'm almost 30 and I can't wait around
while my clock ticks until he changes his mind.
But -- But he's willing,
for some reason,
to go into buying property together,
which is like a 20-year commitment, you know?
And now I'm here,
and I feel so dumb.
-Oh, I'm such a dick.
-Thank you for saying that.
-[ Shouts indistinctly ]
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Relax!
-What are you doing? Stop!
-I mean...
I get it. I get it.
I'm over here making these
sacrifices for a guy
who literally needs to get punched in the face
to get his attention.
Like, are you kidding me?
-Oh, my God, you guys.
I almost forgot to apologize
for doing heroin
at your high-school graduation.
Oh, my God.
That's the whole point of me
being here was to do my,
like, living amends or whatever.
Okay, so I'm really sorry,
and I promise not to be like that anymore.
Like, maybe.
-Thanks, Mel.
Looks to me like we're gonna
order Postmates, right?
-Um, fuck yeah.
-But my turkey's fucking good.
-I'll Venmo you.
-This one's on Daddy number two.
-And I guess...
cheers to our biological clocks
and delusional grandeurs.
-Wait!
Did someone say cocaine?
-Aah! Where?! -Fuck yeah!
-I don't know. I thought someone here had to have it.
-Uh...
I have this Adderall my mom makes me take.
-Whoo!-Yeeees!
-I've got a hipster case,
I've got a hipster case
I've got a hipster case
for my phone
She got them skinny jeans, she got them skinny jeans
She got them skinny jeans
syndrome
I've got a hipster stand, I've got a hipster stand
I've got a hipster stand
for my mic
She got a basket case, she got a basket case
She got a basket case
for her bike
Once you go Macthen you don't go back
Know-it-all genius
don't know jack
I'd trade it all in for a pen and a pad
Sanity is just a passing fad
I've got a hipster case,
I've got a hipster case
I've got a hipster case
for my phone
She got them skinny jeans, she got them skinny jeans
She got them skinny jeans
syndrome
I've got a hipster stand, I've got a hipster stand
I've got a hipster stand
for my mic
She got a basket case, she got a basket case
She got a basket case
for her bike
Leaning sideways while I'm standing straight
Original is such
a common trait
-We're helping him
reclaimhisbody.
-Yeah. As a One Direction stand-in.
-Did you just make a joke?
-I swear, I heard it all
She changes her mind, like so many times before
My little china doll
Cracking and crawling all skinny on the bathroom floor
You kissed a fool
And wonder why I do what I
Have to do
Ruthless and cruel
Cold sweats and cigarettes
And billion things
I do for you
I know, I know, I know
I know, I know
-[ Laughing ]
I know, I know, I know
-I love, um...
I love what you've, uh, done
with the place.
-What?
-It's a joke.
-Okay. Do you like it?
-The -- The river sounds nice.
-Babe...
Aah! [ Laughs ]
Hey.
-Hey.
-Have you done this before?
-Not with you.
-Let's turn the light off.
-Oh, my God. Fuck, fuck!
Oh, my God. Is that a fucking bug?!
Oh, my God! Turn the light back on!
-Ladies, let's have an open
and honest conversation
about our relationship.
-Honesty is so manipulative.
-He's a fucking hypocrite.
Thinks he's all progressive and shit because he eats pussy.
-He's -- He's a "feminist"
who's literally addicted
to bondage porn.
[ Gags ]
-Atticus.
We're out of his league.
-He told me he's not happy with the sex we've been having.
-Are you?
-I come every time.
-Same.
-I mean, [Scoffs] so does he.
-Yeah, obviously.
-I hate him.
-No, you don't.
I don't either.
[ Sighs ]
To be honest, I'm glad he didn't choose me.
-Oh, you think he chose me?
-Duh. He's gonna marry you.
-No. [ Laughs ]
He's waiting for you.
-I think we both know he is not waiting for anyone.
-True. He wants everyone.
[ Sighs ]
Now I get why he's kept us away
from each other.
That fuck-boy.
-Are you using his move on me?
-Maybe.
-I know, I know, I know
I know, I know
-When the lights go down
And you feel you're alive
When all that matters
to you now
Is where to await the big crime, oh
-You say -I know, I know, I know
-You say -I know, I know
-You say
My little china doll, say -I know, I know, I know
-You say -I know, I know
-You say
My little china doll, say
-You say -I know, I know, I know
-You say -I know, I know
-You say
My little china doll
I know, I know, I know
I know, I know
[ JD urinating ]
-[Softly] Fuck.
-So, did you, you know?
-No. Did you?
-No.
So we're even.
I love that you love camping.
I feel like we should do
this more often.
-Do you even know who I am?
-You're Parker.
-I fucking hate camping.
-Oh.
-I mean, please tell me, you like this shit?
You -- You like sleeping
with bugs?
-I think this is nice.
-[ Sighs ]
Do you care about anything?
-I care about lots of things.
-No. What about values?
-Of course I care about values.
Morality. I feel like everybody
should be open-minded.
You know?
-JD...
Man. I don't think this is gonna work out.
-Okay.
-"Okay"?
That's it?
-Is there anything else?
-[ Laughs ]
I...
I guess not.
-Okay. See you in the morning.
-[ Scoffs ]
-[ Snoring ]
-[ Chuckles ]
I win. [ Giggles ]
-We should go on a vacation in Alaska.
-Fuck yeah, Alaska.
-Hike that trail that goes from, like,
San Diego to Canada or some shit.
-Fuck yeah, Canada.
-Hey, guys...
-And we can go river rafting
or hiking in the morning.
-Fuck, I'm so down. -Yo! What the fuck?!
-What?! -What? Stop screaming.
-JD and I just broke up and I need Frances.
[ Sighs ]
-Wait...
So JD's likedonedone,
like he's single?
Wait. You knowwhat I've always wanted?
-What? -Two boyfriends
-Oh, that tickles. -...at the same time.
-That tickles, that tickles.
-Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
-[ Breathing deeply ]
[ Stomps ]
Too tired, too high
To try and socialize
I'm late for my date
With gay pornand Chick-Fil-A
Fuck off while I watch
Another '60s dock
Let me know where you go
But I'm gonna stay home
Don't waste my time
Too busy for you tonight
I unpack the cold case
Of Tupac and JonBent
And jack off while I watch
The microwave clock
Let me know where you go
But I'm gonna stay home
Sorry you can't come
To my party of one
Sorry you can't come
It's a party of one
Sorry you can't come
To my party of one
Sorry you can't come
It's a party of one
I just need a drug
To drown you all out
Wish things went my way
But I drink it all down
I don't need a friend
to hold
But I need someone
to hold
-Me and JD broke up.
-Good.-Oh, God.
[ Retching ]
-Dude!
That's my arm.
-Oh.
[ Coughing ]
-Why does feeling good make me feel like shit?
-Why does feeling likea shit baby feel so good?
-Because you're a masochist.
-That's my brand.
I think you should flush that blunt down the toilet.
-No.
-I'll flush my cookie.
One, two, three.
[ Retches, coughs ]
-Should we say a blessing?
-Dear God --
[ Retches ]-Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
[ Toilet flushes ]
-[ Coughing ]
-I'm so sorry about JD.
-I'm so sorry about Atticus.
-I don't care.
-I love you, dude.
-I love you, too.
-Why'd you leave me alone?
Sorry you can't come
To my party of one
Sorry you can't come
It's a party of one
[ Moaning ]
-Two boyfriends! Yes!
[ Tent unzips ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Engine starts ]
Up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Shut the fuck up
Cops ain't lookin'
so cool no more
-Dude. -Dude!
-I know.
-We got to get the fuck
out of here.
-We've got to get the fuck out of here.
-Should we help clean?
-No, dude.
Fuck that. Let's just get a maid.
[ Nature documentary playing
on cellphone ]
-Oh, my God, Mel.
-Have you been up all night?
-I want to get the fuck out of here right now, you guys.
-Okay. Let me just get my camera and beer.
-Already in the car.I got all of it already.
Just fucking go.
-Wow. It's all here.
Thanks, Mel.
I'm glad you came.
-I need to call my fucking sponsor.
-So much for a weekend trip.
[ JD and Mackenzie laughing ]
-Ew. Oh, my God.
Like, he's hot,but just, like...
-Off. Yeah.
-Why did you, like, let me date him?
-Dude, I told you not to,
so many times.
-I love you.
-I missed you. -Okay, don't be vulgar.
-My God, drive. Fucking drive.
Do not let him see me.
He's gonna make me go for a fucking hike.
-Hey, Frances.
Um, so this is probably the only one of these
I'll do alone.
Look, I am not sorry
about last night,
but please don't say anything
'cause he'll die to know that he missed out.
Um...
But the truth is...
I love Atticus.
And I hope you'll respect
our boundaries.
Um...
Yeah.
Okay.
-Dude, these pictures are gold. Look at you two fucking dabs.
[ Laughs ]
-Put that away. -I don't know, man.
-I feel like we really shouldn't be doing this shit anymore.
Like, we're in our mid-20s.
This shit is not cute.
-I mean, yeah, I should probably go back to rehab.
-But I mean... -Oh, look at the little deer!
-...now that we're all single...
-Okay, kind of in love with Mac. -...we should go out more.
You know?
-Fuck, I really want
to do heroin.
-I think we all learned, like,
a valuable lesson.
-Yeah, like, we shouldn't,
like, drink to have fun.
-Yeah, we could do Dry December.
-Mm...-Well...
But then there's Christmas...
-Yeah.
-...which means a lot of mom time. Okay, Dry January.
-Yeah, that sounds better.
I feel like that's when we can,
like, be our best selves
or whatever.
-Yeah.
My diet starts tomorrow.
-...what you workin' on?
Shit nunya, low profile who you lurking on?
-Dude, it's still a banger.
[ Laughs ]
It's still a banger.
-Few bungalow red rope barbies fake
Been planning my escape
all morning
Home plate how'd you swing that
A little slump, your boy
brought the ring back
Motherfucker tweet that
Cheese bread that's a real conch order
I'm a cheese head word to
Lil Young Carter
Back in the day this's a song we'd break laws to, claws to
Say up next ain't just cool
no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up
Ops ain't lookin' so cool
no more
Do the most, what they doing
that for?
-This man has won national championships.
-Okay. [ Clears throat ]
JD and Mac are on a TikTok tour in the RV
they happily bought together.
Hannah and Atticus are fostering a blind cat.
-Oh, my God, they're so annoying.
-Parker is pregnant.
JK. She wishes.
But she is datinga Persian doctor.
-Ooh, Aladdin Daddy.
-Mel, you can't say
shit like that.
-Whatever.And I'm 30 days sober, you guys.
-She got it bedazzled.
And as for me, my video, "Turkey Hacks," went viral.
Turns out tension around Thanksgiving --
highly relatable subject.
Good morning.
It's me, with yourmorning food porn vlog.
Now my food porn vlog has over 100,000 subscribers.
People love my turkey recipes.
We're even allowed back
at Grandma's.
-No, we're literally forced
to be back at grandmas.
-Frances...
-Mom, we're doing ADR.
Shut up.
I fucking miss being banned.
-Daddy, it's cold outside.
-Bud Light in one hand, cigar in the other
3-0-5 till I die, that's word to your mother
Word to your daddy, he can be my caddy
Let me slide in it, girl,
I know you got a fatty
Let me put it on ya,
nice and slow
Red light, green light,it's time for me to go
Get me on a boat, let me get a smoke
Rodriguez cigars and you know I like it so
You know I like to drink,
listen to me sing
You know I got the bling,
and a couple fat rings
And a couple fat hoes with some really nice clothes
Bend it over, girl, and touch your toes
I was here, then I left, I was gone, now I'm back
Little rap relapse, renewed my contract
Let me tell ya how I feel, it's a really shitty deal
Now I'm plannin' on gettin'
Tom back to Spoonbill
Call up Frankie, tell him what I'm thinkin'
Cozumel Park, 9:30,
jumping fences
Got the shovel and we busy digging trenches
Got the Caja China smokin', I ain't talkin' devil's lettuce
Say up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up
Ops ain't lookin'
so cool no more
Do the most, what they doin' that for?
Say up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up
Ops ain't lookin'
so cool no more
Do the most, what they doin' that for?
[ Rustling ]
-In 1621, pilgrims took a break
from burning witches
to attend the first Thanksgiving feast.
Uninvited, obviously.
Read the room, fucking puritans.
After hundreds of years, this national holiday
of wasting a weekend with people you literally just can't with
has been a well-documented
American tradition.
But our generation -- technically I'm Gen Z,
but I self-identify as a Millennial --
is breaking off with the separatist movement
known as Friendsgiving, which is why I'm here.
My name is Frances Sharp. I'm a documentarian.
I'm criticized as a narcissist
with a compulsion
to document everything.
Everyone yells at me to
"cut the fucking camera, Fran."
-You just have to give it to her, and then if you do,
she'll leave you alone
eventually.
-Some people have therapy dogs.
I have my iPhone.
This Thanksgiving, I'm putting myself in front of the camera
with my best friend, Parker.
And her weird-assMormon boyfriend
at his butt-fuck-nowhere cabin.
-Yeah. Okay.
Okay. No. Got to go.
Losing service. Okay.
Ew. Dude, just hit your JUUL
like a normal person.
-No Ingls.
-Wait. Dude, since when did you
start smoking?
-Since... -Don't say Atticus.
-I invited my fuck-buddy,
Atticus,
to Friendsgiving dinner tonight.
Parker doesn't know.
-Really?
-Speaking of Atticus...
Parker doesn't like Atticus.
-I fucking hate Atticus.
-Oh, my gosh.
[ Hip-hop music plays on radio ]
Dude, I just hate that his music is so good!
-It's fucking hot.
-I know.
-A few bungalow railroad Barbies
Been plannin' my escape
all morning
I just don't get why
you like him.
-You justhave to get to know him.
-Hmm. I'm good.
Don't ever care to meet
that guy.
-Whatever.
-I'm an educator at an elite
boarding school.
-She teaches third grade.
-Jude Law's goddaughter
is in my class.
-Please shut the fuck up
-I quit my job as creative director
because I need more creative
control over my projects.
-They fired her for wearing her roller blades in the office.
-Parker. -What?
-Bud Lite in one hand, cigar in the other
3-0-5 till I die, that's word to your mother
Word to your daddy, he can be my caddy
Let me slide in it, girl,
I know you got a fatty
Let me put it on ya,
nice and slow
Red light, green light,it's time for me to go
Get me on a boat, let me get a smoke
Rodriguez cigars and you know I like it so
Say up next ain't just cool
no more
Do the most, can't do no more
So excited for dinner.It's gonna be so perfect.
You're gonna literally love JD.
Like, you're gonna love him.
I just know.
-Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up, ain't lookin' so cool no more
Do the most, what they doin' that for?
-Did we check if this is okay?
-Um, I have literally zero bars.
-It'll be nice to, like, not have service for a while.
-Yeah, I have friends in Idaho.
They go to Starbucksfor their WiFi, and it...
Really cool. I don't hear from them very often.
-Wait. Have you been recording us this whole time?
-Duh.-Typical.
-Oh, look at the swings.
-Oh, my God, wait,
they're so cute.
-Okay, I'm literally screaming.
-I'm so excited!
-Okay.
Remember when I broke my teeth
on that rope swing?
-You also broke your back.
-Less important.
-Okay, you're --you're stressing me out.
Just get on the swing.
-Only because I want to.
Not because you're telling me.
-Just get on.
Okay.So, I'm gonna be cheesy.
I don't know.
I just feel like we've disconnected a lot
in the last few years
and just because of life or whatever.
And I know I've changed a lot
and you've, um --
well, you're you.
I just feel like this weekend's
a perfect time to, like,
reconnect, and I don't know,
I just feel so blessed.
-Don't be bolder.
-Never.
-Is that John David?
-Yes, actually,it's John Dallas,
and I think he's the one.
-Ah! -[ Cheering ]
-Nice. Excited to meet him.
-Is that a tattoo?
-You're judging.
-I mean, I'm only judgingthat you didn't tell me.
-I didn't want to tell you
because you'd judge me out of it.
-I mean, I'm sorry, but who did that shit?
It looks hideous.
-So, Atticus...-Are you serious?
-Sorry I'm reclaiming
my own body.
-Okay, with a prison tat? -'Cause I was feeling
all weird about getting
chlamydia.
-From Atticus.
So you're reclaiming your own
body from Atticus Vincent
by getting a tattoo by Atticus Vincent.
-We've been hooking up for,
like, five years now,
and she still hasn't met him,
but I swear he's nice
and, like, repressed,
progressive, hot.
I mean, he was talking so much
about beingin an open relationship.
-Frances literally thought
they were actually
in an open relationship.
-Then he moved in with his girlfriend, Hannah Jack-off
or Jackson or whatever the fuck.
She still refuses to meet me because I'm "the other woman."
-No, no air quotes.
You're literally that.
-Okay. It's a radio.
I'm tuning in to my new self
or something.
Whatever. It made sense when I was getting it.
My mom was gonna throw me off a roof.
-I mean...
It is kind of cool.
Like something your cousin Melwould get at rehab or something.
-Oh, shit.
-What? What did you do, Fran?
What did you do?
-Basically, I like literally
actively exploit
my family for my films. Last Thanksgiving,
I captured the underlying darkness of American culture.
Mainly my family being hypocritical dicks.
Aunts on Xanax.
My woke father, who hasn't
paid a tax since '89.
My cousin Mel'sheroin addiction.
Big crowd-pleaser.
-Fran.
-So, I was feeling really bad
about getting us both kicked out of Thanksgiving this year.
-Turn your video off.
Off.
-As a result of my truth telling,
I'm technically not allowed back
at Grandma's house.
-And?
Fran. [ Car door closes ]
-Oh, my God. Thanks so much.
Tell your daughter to call me any time she's ready, okay?
Thanks. Stay safe and stay sexy. Bye!
-[ Sighs ]
-You know it's, like, her thing to invite herself everywhere.
-I don't have time
to yell at you.
Just get your fucking turkey.
-Okay. But this turkey is going to befuego.
-Oh, my God. Hi, you guys!
-Mel, where have you been, girl?
-Grad school.
That's what I call my outpatient rehab.
Oh, my God, bro. Did you seethere's a literal fucking river?
Yeah, my sponsor told me that
if I came the mountains,
I'd probably get high.
Or maybe that was my horoscope.
-[ Sighs ]
-Wow, dude, I have not seen you like a guy like this before.
-Love, dude.
And I'm pretty surehe's gonna propose soon.
-Ew. Why? -Well, because I told him to.
-Ew, dude. Why? Do you want to be, like, a child bride?
-Fuck off. -Two-cow dowry.
-Okay, our moms had us when they were both 24.
-They're fucking miserable.
-No.Mymom is miserable.
Your mom's, like, the happiest
woman I know.
-Except when it comes to me.
-Solution -- maybe you should just stop
making films that exploit literally everyone you know?
-Mel isn't allowed
to family events
until she's, like, a year sober.
-Three months clean,
you bitch fuck.
-That's amazing! -Wow! Wow, Mel.
-Don't fucking patronize me like that.
And what the hell are you two
doing withyourlives
that's any better?
-I want to be a mom.
-And I want to be takenseriously as a filmmaker
by my mom.
[ Lightsaber zapping ]
-[Distorted voice] I am your only sibling.
-Noooo!
It's show time!
-Oh.
-I'm Frances Sharp, and you'rewatching Thanksgiving food porn.
-Oh!
Ew!
-Silly me. How could I have started cooking without...
-Oh, guys, I almost forgot. Look what I brought for you!
-Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
-Nope. No, no, no, nope.
I kind of have a weird relationship with, like, food.
Nope. No, no, no, nope.
Is it gonna ruin our appetite?
Absolutely not.
Especially sugar. It's like a control thing.
-Okay. I guess nothing's changed
since high school.
-She tried so hard to be bulimic
in high school,
but she couldnever actually throw up.
-Yeah, that bitch would be in the bathroom, like [Gags].
[ Both gagging ]
-I just can't with Mel.
-[ Retches ] Don't start.
And Mel, how did you
even get here?
-Uber, bitch.
-What the fuck? What was that, like...?
[ Cash register dings ]
-I'm still signed up to my
ex-daddy's account.
He's hella mad about it.
Whatever. I told him to suck a fat cock,
then I asked his brother
for a dick pic.
Oh, my God, you guys,take a look at this big,
juicy fucking monster cock.
-Ew! -The fuck?
How do you have service?
-Mm-mm.
-Do you have Verizon?
-Yeah.
-So I. What the shit?
-Can you at leastuse your thumbs?
She never uses her thumbs.
She just, like, shovels
shit around with her, like, avocado paws.
It's disgusting.
-I need a wine opener.
-Well, good luck finding onebecause his parents don't drink.
-Two years ago, she asked me
if she was an alcoholic.
-...like it so, you know I like to drink
Listen to me sing, rapper, you know I got the bling
-And I told her it's fine aslong as she stops after college.
Then last week, she FaceTimed me, so drunk,
and told meshe did too much cocaine
and clogged the toilet
at a party.
[ Exhales ]
-What the fuck?Are they actually Mormon?
-He's, like, culturally Mormon.
-What does that even mean?
Is he, like, a virgin?
Wait.
You guys haven't had sex yet?
Ew, dude, that's hella creepy.
You've been dating for like six months,
and you're a nympho.
-I'm a nympho!
I'm a nympho! I'm a nym--
-No, I'm not.
-You literally fucked a homeless dude in a one-night stand.
-Dude, that was you.
Yeah. -Still, though.
-Whatever. Well, JD doesn't drink anyway.
-Oh, yeah. He's in recovery.
You're not supposed to fuck in your first year of sobriety.
-No, he's not an alcoholic.
He just chooses not to partake
in premarital sex.
-Oof! Big yikes.
I'm a big catchphrase girl.
Right now, it's "oof" and "big yikes." People love that.
Ay-yi-yi! -Don't.
-Ew! Is that, like...
Is that racist? -Why would you ask me?
-Because you're Mexican.
-Frances, you can't say shit like that!
-Not an insult.
-In this climate, that's also my catchphrase.
-So how the fuckam I supposed to open up
all the wine I brought?
-I don't know. Not my problem,because I'm not drinking either.
-Said the girl that once smuggled blowintoMexico.
-...fucking shot of fucking 100 proof!
You fucking shit-head! Aah!
Whatever.
I'm sure you're gonna forgive me because you're gonna
totally hit it offwith his best friend, Mackenzie.
-Oh. What's he like?
[ Laughter ]
-[ Shouts indistinctly ]
-All right, so I was on my mission, before med school.
-This fool was knocking on my door,
trying to tell me about Jesus.
-He was like, "Bro, I got something better than Jesus."
-Bro, I look like a peacock.
-Bro, youdolook like
a peacock.
Jump off or something.
[ Both laughing ]
-Yo, JD, your neighbors
are awesome!
-He was right. I quit my mission.
-I quit my job at Space X.
-And we've been punching each other in the face ever since.
Mac, do you mind handing me
that box right there?
-JD, this is Frances.
-Hi. How are you?
-He's just, like,so thoughtful and sweet.
-What the fuck? You're so hot.
Oh, my God. My horoscope is literally happening right now.
-Hi. It's so nice to see you.
-So good.
-I feel like it'd be less weird
if they just had sex
in front of us.
-You say that, and then it happens,
and it's, like, kind of awkward.
-JD. Oh, my God! JD!
JD!
-Whoa! Leave him!
-Ow!
-Parker, seriously, let him just stay.
He'll stop in 3, 2, 1.
[ Laughs ]
-What was that?
-Bro.
That was a long one.
-What the hell?
-Babe, are you okay? -No, I'm not fucking okay.
Fine. -He does that, like, every time
we punch each other
in cold water.
-Do -- Do you guys
do that often?
-Mm. Kind of.
We're looking to buy an RV together soon.
-Can you guys do thatliterally anywhere else?
-It's okay. -No, it's not okay.
It's where we're making dinner.
-It's just food.
-No, it's not just food.
It's dinner.
And it means so much to me.
-Put some ice on it. I'm going for a run.
-Are you kidding me?
[ Sighs ]
-Food porn.
That's hot.
Cut.
-Okay. That's enough.You're stressing me out.
Go wash your raw turkey hands.
That's disgusting.
And also, like, what time is it?
Why do you look constipated?
-She knows that I look constipated when I'm guilty.
Forgot my magnesium.
-No, you didn't.
I saw you spent all your unemployment on supplements.
-I invited Atticus.
-Dude!
-On accident! -What the fuck?
That's so fucking rude!
-Oh, my God. Stop screaming.
-No, I-I can't --
I can't handle any more --your inability to set boundaries
and fucks with everyone else's plans.
It's so fucking rude.
-Well, I can't helpthat Mel invited herself.
-I get Mel.That's on brand for her.
But some asshole you're
not even dating?
-Pretty on brand for me,
to be honest.
-Fucking Fran, man.
[ Sighs ]
Ugh!
-Hey, Siri, remind meto 20 in turkey minutes.
-What do you want to be reminded about?
[ Birds chirping ]
-God! Fuck camping.
Ohhh, my God!
Ugh! [ Sobs ]
Fuck me!
Unh! [ Sobbing ]
[ Exhales ]
Breathe.
[ TV chatter ]
-Ew, could you, like, open a window or something?
Be, like, a little more respectful of my sobriety.
Thanks.
[ Laughs ]
LOL atyoubeing the high one
at Thanksgiving now.
-That's different.
-Is it, though?
-You literally overdosed
at Grandma's.
-And?
-And shut up. I'm meditating.
-Is she always like this?
-Well, now that I'm sober and my mental faculties
are heightened, I can see that she probably has a problem.
-With drugs?
-Yeah. And dudes.
Mostly just one, though.
Oh, my God. Your little baby cut.
Let me help you with that.
[ Car approaching, hip-hop music playing ]
-Fuck.
[ Hip-hop song playing
on radio ]
Up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
-Are you ready?
Do the most, what they doin' that for?
Oh, hey. You must be Parker.
It's so nice to meet you.
Are you okay with a hug?
-Sure. -Great.
Oh, this is my partner, Hannah.
-Thank you so muchfor letting me join last minute.
-I tried Frances. I couldn't get a hold of her for some reason.
-Shitty service.-Oh, man. Is that still a thing?
-I'm sure you already have one,
but I thought it wouldn't hurt
to have another turkey.
-And she made amazing veggies
'cause, you know, we're,
like, kind of vegan,
kind of not.
-But this is a real turkey.
-And that's the "kind of not" party.
-Just have to pop it in the oven a little before.
-Oh, great.
Well, I actually think Fran
already brought a turkey.
But this is amazing. So thank you so much.
-Oh, and I brought some stuff to make a charcuterie board.
We're pretty well-known for this at dinner parties.
-Great. Let me help carry that.
-Yep.
Oh, and cases and casesof some of the best wine
from my father's -- Oh, man. All right.
What screams privilege more than
drinking Daddy's wine?
-Literally nothing.
-[ Laughs ]
[ Both laugh awkwardly ]
-Just kidding. No privilege shaming here.
Follow me in.
-[Muttering] Oh, I --
Uh, yeah. Just...
I'm coming.
Oh!
[ Cellphone beeps ]
-I'm not sleeping, you shit-talking-ass bitch.
-Say hi to your mom! -Frances? Is that you?
-Oh, my -- -You look terrible!
-Three months clean, Auntie W.
-Oh. Oh, Mel, honey, that's such great news.
[ Line beeps ]
-Ew!
-No, dude.
-Oof. Is that him?
-Fwanny!
-Atty!
-Happy Thanksgiving.
-Hey, Frances!
-[ Chuckles awkwardly ]
-It's amazing to finally meet you.
-Sorry. Just...
-Hey. -Yeah.
Oh, sorry. Just -- Yeah.
-Hey.
-Hi. -Hey.
-Um, just come in. Yeah.
-Hi.
-So weird that she
invited herself.
-All right, first things first.
How can I help you?
Oh, that salad is absolutely gorgeous.
-Right?-Oh, the colors.
The colors are incredible.
And these decorations are so creative with little leaves.
Did you make those?
-Wow. Um, you're here.
-I'm here.
-Let's watch some game-day
football, baby.
Did you guys know I used to be a cheerleader?
-Oh, my --
-I think the most unattractive
thing a person could do
is a spontaneous backflip.
-Literally, don't tell.
-Sneaky girl.
You so sneaky!
-I, like, think that Fran's
the real asshole here.
You're, like, awesome.
-Oh, Fran's a sweetie,
you're a sweetie.
I'm just happy to be here.
-So, um...
can I get you something
to drink?
-Oh. Sure. Actually, that would be great.
-You know what's funny?
I literally hated you, like, 10 minutes ago.
-That's quite fair.
-And now you've gotten me
to drink?
-I wasn't taking no
for an answer.
But, uh, like, you know, like, no means no.
-No, yeah, yeah. Totally.
Totally.
-I'm gonna go get that big Brie.
-Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
-Wine? -Red, please.
-Okay.
-So, do you send dick pics? Because I bet that cock is...
-This is music to my fucking ears.
-Wait, do you hear that?
Is that Frances I hear, walking on her toes again?
All right, so the trick toreally doing a Franny impression
is [Imitating Frances] you have to talk like this with
[Normal voice] zero subtlety.
-It's like you're tortured
in, like, some weird way or whatever.
-Aren't you guys, like, a married old fucking couple.
-Actually, I was just showing
him my Pinterest board.
-Ew, dude, what is with this wedding shit all of a sudden?
-I mean, I think the pictures
are, like, interesting
and beautiful in, like,a modern, grotesque way.
-You don't even believe
in marriage.
-I don't believe in having
biological children
'cause the world's fucked up
enough as it is,
but Hannah and I -- we've been looking at houses.
-What? You always say you don't believe in marriage.
-[ Parker shrieks ] Oh, my God. What are you doing?
-I'm gutting a fish.
-Why?!
-Are you, like, all into fish rights?
-No. Why are you doing it
in my kitchen?
-Don't worry, I'm gonna grill this up
with the rest of the meat --
it's gonna be so good.
-It smells like fucking fish.
Ugh!
God.
-I thought you weren't
drinking tonight.
-I'm not. This is for you.
Now help me bring this stuff inside.
-Only because I want to. Not because you're telling me.
-Also, I'm really sorry
about Atticus.
I, like, understand now.
He's, like, kind of cool, attentive, whatever.
I still have one problem.
-Love triangles. Same. -No, table settings.
I'm three short. It's gonna fuck up the whole picture.
-Oh, I love this commercial.
-Take them with you.
Everywhere you go.
-Positive
Positive
Positive
Positive, mm
-Y'all ever had a doggie Xanax?
[ Sighs ] Okay.
So, how did youand Atticus meet?
-Bumble, actually.
-So cute.
Modern love.
-[ Smacks leg ]
-Honestly, Bumble really needsto have a filter for micro-dicks
because that shit is problematic.
-Y'all ever try Craigslist Meet-ups?
-What?
-All right, so, my best friend,
the game developer --
he sent me this Woke Special Edition.
It's so dope.
-Oh, fun.
The only thing worse than small talk?
I fucking hate playing games.
I'm too competitive.
-One time, Frances bit Grandpa
after he beat her
in a game of Candyland.
That little bitch broke skin.
She was, like, 10.
-Cool.
So is that, like, a party game?
-Mm-hmm.
-Great. How long is it gonna take?
I actually might hate games
more than Frances.
-All right, it says, "Kiss the nearest consenting adult."
Easy. Babe, can I kiss you?
-Yeah, of course.
-Dude, why can't JD not just be like that?
Well, minus the whole, like,open part. I'd fucking kill him.
-"Name three controversial mascots."
What the fuck?I literally hate sports.
-I'll go. Um...
Oh. "Educate yourself. Vote."
-"Boycott..." What's cultural appropriation?
-All right. For example, we had to stop going to hip-hop yoga.
It got to be a little problematic.
-[ Laughs ] You're literally
a white rapper.
-Technically...
All right, so, my mother's family -- they're from here.
Northern Italy, so, like,basically Germany, right?
But my father's family
were from here,
the southernmost tip of Sicily,
so basically Africa.
-Okay. Fucking murder me.
-So, I mean, you know, technically, in this climate --
-Are you fucking kidding me?
That's my catchphrase.
-I don't know about that. I say it a lot around Franny.
You probably stole it from her,who definitely stole it from me.
-That guy's fucking dead to me.
-Um, absolutely fucking not,
Atticus.
-This one just says to Venmo a Mexican.
-[ Coughs ]-[ Laughs ] I'm so dead.
-What the fuck?
Are you kidding?
[ All shouting ]
-[ JD and Mackenzie cheering ]
-Yeah! Let's go!
-Look, babe.
-Why are you holding roadkill?
-Mac and I set thesesnares earlier, and they worked.
-This is, like, my only outfit.
-I highly, highly doubt that.
-That disgusting. No, you're not.
The menu is set. -Let's get out of here.
-I'm on a hunter-gatherer diet,
baby.
-Since when? -Uh, since always.
In the mountains. Come on.
-Let's go, bro!
-Oh. Sorry.
-It's okay. They're not even prescription.
[ Telephone rings ]
-Who the fuck is that?
-No idea.
-Best popper. -Hey. Nice work, grill.
-Nicely done. Wait. Let me cut it.
-I'm sorry, who is this? -Oh, God. Oof. JD!
-Is JD there?
-JD.
-No. -No, it's your mom.
Take it.
Please. -Yeah?
Mom. I told you I was having friends over today.
Me and Mac and Parker.
-Oh! Oh. -Ew!
-We're just hanging out.
-He's just, like, so thoughtful
and sweet.
-Your father and I are having
Thanksgiving with...
-Mom. Mom.
-JD!-[Laughing] Nice!
-Come on, here.
-Fucking finally. You're here.
I think this is it.
I think -- I think this is
the perfect time to have,
like, an open and honest conversation with each other.
The three of us.
-Whoo! -Yeah!
-I have -- I have to go
to the bathroom.
[ JD and Mackenzie shouting,
cheering ]
-Fuck!
Why are you that?
-I'm starting to feel like I'm in a throuple.
-Don't be the other girl.
-Where is the turkey, Frances?
Where's the turkey, Frances?
-It's in the oven.
I mean that I was going to.
-But then she got high.
-Oh!
-Oh. Oh, my God. -Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God.Everybody stop screaming.
It's fine. Shut up.
Shut up and...
-Ew!
-This is just sofucking typical.
Oh, no, I got it. Thanks.
-Yeah.
-Are you gonna have enough time
to cook it because --
-Yeah, I will. Yeah. This is part of the recipe.
Okay. Actually, um...
-Yeah. -Actually, I just need to...
-[ Laughs ]
-No way, bro. They made you
fight your own food?
-Hi. -Hi.
-Hi.
-So, are you, like high
all the time?
-I don't know, actually.
-That's such a dope way to live.
-Did I tell you Mac and I are getting an RV?
-No.
-You sure you don't want to hit this blunt?
-I mean, I really want to,
but I probably shouldn't.
-Oh, come on.
-Maybe.
-Okay. -I'm getting high for sure.
-You don't like drugs
or alcohol?
-No, the issue is more
that I love
drugs and alcohol more than anything.
-I feel like I should
go help her.
-No, come on. No, come on. Let's go -- Let's go over here.
-[ Sighs ] So, yeah,
the food porn.
We're doing something a littlebit different this Thanksgiving.
We're just gonna, um -- You're just gonna take the turkey.
Yeah. Nice and tight.
Tender.
Just a cup of water, just to make sure it's nice and juicy.
Just turn it on.
Voila.
-I'm sure it's gonna be great.
-No, it's gonna be shit.
-No, no.
-No, yeah. No, it is.
-[Snobby voice] How about a game
of billiards, old sports?
[Normal voice] All right, we can play three ways.
Cutthroat. I'll break.
-Okay. I guess we're doing that.
Okay. There we go.
-You want to, um --You want to hit the ball.
-So, I've been thinking about
the future a lot lately.
-Yeah?
What do you see?
-Changes.
You know, trying to grow things
for the long term.
-Like you and I?
-Like this deck.
I feel like it's in need ofsome repairs, and in the kitchen
and all kinds of stuff
with the house.
-Clear it up a bit more.
Atticus. [ Laughs ]
-So you're talking about renovations?
-Yeah. What are -- What are you talking about?
-Renovations.
-Close.
-We're gonna be here all night
at this rate.
Yes.
[ Pot steaming, boiling ]
-Hey. Also, Parker Salcedo?
-Yeah?
-Will you sleep in the tent
with me tonight?
-Why?
-See those stars?
-It's still light out.
-Yeah, but we cansleep under them.
-Kind of to the right.
-Yeah. To the -- To the right?
-I actually taught him that.
-Are you sure?
You sure I didn'tlearn it from...?
-No, I'm sure. Remember?
We played all the time
with my parents.
-Your parents.-My parents love Atticus.
-Parents tend to love me
in general.
-Hey, and honestly, thank you
for all the work you put in here today.
I feel like you made this whole
thing feel like a home.
"A" for effort.
-Come take a hit, fam.Feels fucking good to let it go.
-Just hit it really hard. Something's bound to go in.
-You know at least something went in.
-Yeah.
-But I actually do want to try
some of those poppers.
Ah! Too hot. Too fucking hot.
Unh-unh.
-Sorry.-It's all right.
-Do you like downers?
-Okay, marry me?
-So gamey.
I love it.
Mmm.
-Shit.
-It's not the...-Nice. No, that was good.
-...best one, but, I mean,
I've done it it better.
-But you just hit again.
-No, I scratched on an eight.
So it's over. -No, it's...
It doesn't have to be.
-Game's over.
-Okay. Okay.
-It's done. That's how the game is played.
I mean, I mean, it's done now.
-Yeah.
-Girls.
My girls
Where will we go?
Hopefully somewhere to have
A threesome
Mo-mome
[ Beeping ]
-I think your turkey is ready.
-Uh-huh.
Yeah.-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Okay. Um, dinner should be ready any minute.
Cool. Gonna check in on that.
-Frances. -See? Look.
It's basically done. Can you just open?
-Sure.
Okay. Food porn. Here we go.
So, you just, you know,
open it and...
Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't you want to just...
Ahh!
It act-- It falls right off the bone.
That's, like, gonna be -- Oh, it's gonna be really good.
Okay, yeah. So, uh, it'spretty much ready to go.
And...
Obviously, we're gonna give it a nice char.
-Oh, don't.
-Mmm!
-[ Coughs ]
-This isn't, like, conventional turkey,
but I think it's gonna be really good.
-Oh, God, Frances.
-You see all the moistness
really come out
in the water right here.
Be right back.
-Frances, that's enough,
seriously.
-Ta-da!
-Looks great.
-Just...
-I think they're using
Hannah's turkey.
-We can try both. It'll be like a...
-That looks really good.
Definitely can't eat this.
-Yeah.
Oh, no. We -- We can, you know,
make it into a...
-It'll be fine. She'll understand.
[Echoing] She'll understand.
Where is the turkey, Frances?
-I thought I could
bring us closer.
-I didn't have enough time to cook it because, you know...
[ Voices overlapping, echoing ]
-No!
No! No!
-[ Screaming ]
-Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
I fucking hate you!
Fuck that fucking turkey.
Ow! Fuck!
-Frances!
-Oh, my God. Frances.
[ All shouting indistinctly ]
-Assholes.
What the fuck do you want?
-Oh, shit.
-Oh! [ Laughter ]
-Shit! -Poor Turkey.
-Oh, yeah, this is for sure
going on my story.
-Yes.
-I don't tell you what I'm thinking
'Cause it's just too heavy
Yeah, it's just too heavy
When we met, it was so easy
I could be so easy
Now things are so heavy
I saw you walking to school
And I almost approached
And said, "Will you be mine?"
I tried telling you a story
But I sound so silly
And you don't have time
Oh...
-Dear Lord, our God.
Higher power that be for some.
Today, we celebrate --
-Dank food.
-Excuse me. Let me fucking finish.
-Mel, I think I would actually like to say grace tonight.
-You wouldn't know Grace if she fucked you in the ass.
-[ Scoffs ]
Rude. -Oh, my heck.
-I'm sorry. Do you have a problem with my language?
-That move is sick, bro.
-Okay, I know I just had the most
cathartic freakout of my life, but I'm not far from a second.
-Mm, nobody wants that from you.
-And what do we want from you?
The girl that can't go three months without getting high.
-I'm sorry, when was the last timeyouwent
three months without getting high?
-Why are you even here?
-Okay, Iwasgoing to apologize
for bullying you two
in high school,
but now lookwho's the fucking bully.
-She has a point.
-Oh, says the born-again
who can't handle a slightest inconvenience.
-[ Scoffs ]
Damn. -Wait.
Let me smell your mouth.
-No.
No. Fuck off. Stop!-Let me smell your mouth.
-Knew it! You red-wine-stained-
teeth-having-ass bitch.
-Leave her alone, Frances.
-Seriously?
-I'm so annoyed at him saying that.
-Can I just not fucking
speak around you?
-Literally everything you say
is fucking annoying.
Just because your beats are fire doesn't mean that any of us
want to hear the stupid shit that comes out of your mouth.
-Babe, I think we shouldget the fuck out of here.
-Huh?
-I think it's time we go home.
-Go where? You can't drive.
-Can you not drive?
-Absolutely not.
-You know, we don't have to take this.
You know we don't have to take this.
-Oh, no, no, I-I want to see all of this.
-Babe, I think we should just go home. We just go home.
-No, we're not leaving.
You brought me here to see who you are
in this other relationship.
[ Laughs ]
I still don't get it.
Like, just tell me the truth.
Why are we here?
Did you -- Did you bring me here to...
fuck her?
-All right -- -You want to know the truth?
-Please. Please. Please.
-The truth is, I convinced Atticus
to open up your guys' relationship because I thought,
"Let's see how cool your girlfriend really is."
And you know what?
You're not that cool.
-Oh.
You know, it's kind of pathetic how you hang on to him still.
He just uses you. -Oh, really?
Who uses who?
-It's "whom."
It's "whom."
[ Sobs ]
[Crying] "Whom."
-[ Laughing ]
-Atticus?
Atticus.
-Hey. Atticus. -No, what did you do?
What did you do, Mel?
-Okay, relax. I just dropped
a Xeroofex in his drink.
It's the doggie Xanax, you guys.
-Melissa!
-Don't even fucking
full-name me.
-You could have killed him.
-He's fine. Just a little sleepy.
-Oh, my God. -Uh, you're welcome.
He was being fucking annoying, and he stole my catchphrase.
-Yo, I drug JD all the time.
It's chill.
-See?
-JD, are you drinking?
-Yeah. I'm having a glass.
-Since when do you drink?
-Since tonight.
-But I stopped drinking for you.
-Okay, I never asked you to do that.
-Hannah, are you okay?
-Uh...
Can I ask you a question?
Why are you here?
-Oh, okay.I mean, can I be honest?
-Can you?
-I thought...
[Clears throat] that if I came here,
I could prove to Atticusthat I can be open-minded
to accept thisotherpart
of his life
that he's kept compartmentalized
from me for so long.
[ Laughs ]
I -- [Clears throat] I wanted to believe that your relationship
with him was purely physical.
I thought you were gonna be a lot hotter,
and you're not that hot.
[ Laughs ]
Like, you're -- you're, like,
naturally pretty.
Which is much worse.
-Thank you. I think.
-I guess...
I guess I just thought that if I came here,
he would realize hewantsto be
with me. [ Laughs ]
To become more mature.
He says he doesn't want to get married until he's 30.
Well, I'm almost 30 and I can't wait around
while my clock ticks until he changes his mind.
But -- But he's willing,
for some reason,
to go into buying property together,
which is like a 20-year commitment, you know?
And now I'm here,
and I feel so dumb.
-Oh, I'm such a dick.
-Thank you for saying that.
-[ Shouts indistinctly ]
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Relax!
-What are you doing? Stop!
-I mean...
I get it. I get it.
I'm over here making these
sacrifices for a guy
who literally needs to get punched in the face
to get his attention.
Like, are you kidding me?
-Oh, my God, you guys.
I almost forgot to apologize
for doing heroin
at your high-school graduation.
Oh, my God.
That's the whole point of me
being here was to do my,
like, living amends or whatever.
Okay, so I'm really sorry,
and I promise not to be like that anymore.
Like, maybe.
-Thanks, Mel.
Looks to me like we're gonna
order Postmates, right?
-Um, fuck yeah.
-But my turkey's fucking good.
-I'll Venmo you.
-This one's on Daddy number two.
-And I guess...
cheers to our biological clocks
and delusional grandeurs.
-Wait!
Did someone say cocaine?
-Aah! Where?! -Fuck yeah!
-I don't know. I thought someone here had to have it.
-Uh...
I have this Adderall my mom makes me take.
-Whoo!-Yeeees!
-I've got a hipster case,
I've got a hipster case
I've got a hipster case
for my phone
She got them skinny jeans, she got them skinny jeans
She got them skinny jeans
syndrome
I've got a hipster stand, I've got a hipster stand
I've got a hipster stand
for my mic
She got a basket case, she got a basket case
She got a basket case
for her bike
Once you go Macthen you don't go back
Know-it-all genius
don't know jack
I'd trade it all in for a pen and a pad
Sanity is just a passing fad
I've got a hipster case,
I've got a hipster case
I've got a hipster case
for my phone
She got them skinny jeans, she got them skinny jeans
She got them skinny jeans
syndrome
I've got a hipster stand, I've got a hipster stand
I've got a hipster stand
for my mic
She got a basket case, she got a basket case
She got a basket case
for her bike
Leaning sideways while I'm standing straight
Original is such
a common trait
-We're helping him
reclaimhisbody.
-Yeah. As a One Direction stand-in.
-Did you just make a joke?
-I swear, I heard it all
She changes her mind, like so many times before
My little china doll
Cracking and crawling all skinny on the bathroom floor
You kissed a fool
And wonder why I do what I
Have to do
Ruthless and cruel
Cold sweats and cigarettes
And billion things
I do for you
I know, I know, I know
I know, I know
-[ Laughing ]
I know, I know, I know
-I love, um...
I love what you've, uh, done
with the place.
-What?
-It's a joke.
-Okay. Do you like it?
-The -- The river sounds nice.
-Babe...
Aah! [ Laughs ]
Hey.
-Hey.
-Have you done this before?
-Not with you.
-Let's turn the light off.
-Oh, my God. Fuck, fuck!
Oh, my God. Is that a fucking bug?!
Oh, my God! Turn the light back on!
-Ladies, let's have an open
and honest conversation
about our relationship.
-Honesty is so manipulative.
-He's a fucking hypocrite.
Thinks he's all progressive and shit because he eats pussy.
-He's -- He's a "feminist"
who's literally addicted
to bondage porn.
[ Gags ]
-Atticus.
We're out of his league.
-He told me he's not happy with the sex we've been having.
-Are you?
-I come every time.
-Same.
-I mean, [Scoffs] so does he.
-Yeah, obviously.
-I hate him.
-No, you don't.
I don't either.
[ Sighs ]
To be honest, I'm glad he didn't choose me.
-Oh, you think he chose me?
-Duh. He's gonna marry you.
-No. [ Laughs ]
He's waiting for you.
-I think we both know he is not waiting for anyone.
-True. He wants everyone.
[ Sighs ]
Now I get why he's kept us away
from each other.
That fuck-boy.
-Are you using his move on me?
-Maybe.
-I know, I know, I know
I know, I know
-When the lights go down
And you feel you're alive
When all that matters
to you now
Is where to await the big crime, oh
-You say -I know, I know, I know
-You say -I know, I know
-You say
My little china doll, say -I know, I know, I know
-You say -I know, I know
-You say
My little china doll, say
-You say -I know, I know, I know
-You say -I know, I know
-You say
My little china doll
I know, I know, I know
I know, I know
[ JD urinating ]
-[Softly] Fuck.
-So, did you, you know?
-No. Did you?
-No.
So we're even.
I love that you love camping.
I feel like we should do
this more often.
-Do you even know who I am?
-You're Parker.
-I fucking hate camping.
-Oh.
-I mean, please tell me, you like this shit?
You -- You like sleeping
with bugs?
-I think this is nice.
-[ Sighs ]
Do you care about anything?
-I care about lots of things.
-No. What about values?
-Of course I care about values.
Morality. I feel like everybody
should be open-minded.
You know?
-JD...
Man. I don't think this is gonna work out.
-Okay.
-"Okay"?
That's it?
-Is there anything else?
-[ Laughs ]
I...
I guess not.
-Okay. See you in the morning.
-[ Scoffs ]
-[ Snoring ]
-[ Chuckles ]
I win. [ Giggles ]
-We should go on a vacation in Alaska.
-Fuck yeah, Alaska.
-Hike that trail that goes from, like,
San Diego to Canada or some shit.
-Fuck yeah, Canada.
-Hey, guys...
-And we can go river rafting
or hiking in the morning.
-Fuck, I'm so down. -Yo! What the fuck?!
-What?! -What? Stop screaming.
-JD and I just broke up and I need Frances.
[ Sighs ]
-Wait...
So JD's likedonedone,
like he's single?
Wait. You knowwhat I've always wanted?
-What? -Two boyfriends
-Oh, that tickles. -...at the same time.
-That tickles, that tickles.
-Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
-[ Breathing deeply ]
[ Stomps ]
Too tired, too high
To try and socialize
I'm late for my date
With gay pornand Chick-Fil-A
Fuck off while I watch
Another '60s dock
Let me know where you go
But I'm gonna stay home
Don't waste my time
Too busy for you tonight
I unpack the cold case
Of Tupac and JonBent
And jack off while I watch
The microwave clock
Let me know where you go
But I'm gonna stay home
Sorry you can't come
To my party of one
Sorry you can't come
It's a party of one
Sorry you can't come
To my party of one
Sorry you can't come
It's a party of one
I just need a drug
To drown you all out
Wish things went my way
But I drink it all down
I don't need a friend
to hold
But I need someone
to hold
-Me and JD broke up.
-Good.-Oh, God.
[ Retching ]
-Dude!
That's my arm.
-Oh.
[ Coughing ]
-Why does feeling good make me feel like shit?
-Why does feeling likea shit baby feel so good?
-Because you're a masochist.
-That's my brand.
I think you should flush that blunt down the toilet.
-No.
-I'll flush my cookie.
One, two, three.
[ Retches, coughs ]
-Should we say a blessing?
-Dear God --
[ Retches ]-Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
[ Toilet flushes ]
-[ Coughing ]
-I'm so sorry about JD.
-I'm so sorry about Atticus.
-I don't care.
-I love you, dude.
-I love you, too.
-Why'd you leave me alone?
Sorry you can't come
To my party of one
Sorry you can't come
It's a party of one
[ Moaning ]
-Two boyfriends! Yes!
[ Tent unzips ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Engine starts ]
Up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Shut the fuck up
Cops ain't lookin'
so cool no more
-Dude. -Dude!
-I know.
-We got to get the fuck
out of here.
-We've got to get the fuck out of here.
-Should we help clean?
-No, dude.
Fuck that. Let's just get a maid.
[ Nature documentary playing
on cellphone ]
-Oh, my God, Mel.
-Have you been up all night?
-I want to get the fuck out of here right now, you guys.
-Okay. Let me just get my camera and beer.
-Already in the car.I got all of it already.
Just fucking go.
-Wow. It's all here.
Thanks, Mel.
I'm glad you came.
-I need to call my fucking sponsor.
-So much for a weekend trip.
[ JD and Mackenzie laughing ]
-Ew. Oh, my God.
Like, he's hot,but just, like...
-Off. Yeah.
-Why did you, like, let me date him?
-Dude, I told you not to,
so many times.
-I love you.
-I missed you. -Okay, don't be vulgar.
-My God, drive. Fucking drive.
Do not let him see me.
He's gonna make me go for a fucking hike.
-Hey, Frances.
Um, so this is probably the only one of these
I'll do alone.
Look, I am not sorry
about last night,
but please don't say anything
'cause he'll die to know that he missed out.
Um...
But the truth is...
I love Atticus.
And I hope you'll respect
our boundaries.
Um...
Yeah.
Okay.
-Dude, these pictures are gold. Look at you two fucking dabs.
[ Laughs ]
-Put that away. -I don't know, man.
-I feel like we really shouldn't be doing this shit anymore.
Like, we're in our mid-20s.
This shit is not cute.
-I mean, yeah, I should probably go back to rehab.
-But I mean... -Oh, look at the little deer!
-...now that we're all single...
-Okay, kind of in love with Mac. -...we should go out more.
You know?
-Fuck, I really want
to do heroin.
-I think we all learned, like,
a valuable lesson.
-Yeah, like, we shouldn't,
like, drink to have fun.
-Yeah, we could do Dry December.
-Mm...-Well...
But then there's Christmas...
-Yeah.
-...which means a lot of mom time. Okay, Dry January.
-Yeah, that sounds better.
I feel like that's when we can,
like, be our best selves
or whatever.
-Yeah.
My diet starts tomorrow.
-...what you workin' on?
Shit nunya, low profile who you lurking on?
-Dude, it's still a banger.
[ Laughs ]
It's still a banger.
-Few bungalow red rope barbies fake
Been planning my escape
all morning
Home plate how'd you swing that
A little slump, your boy
brought the ring back
Motherfucker tweet that
Cheese bread that's a real conch order
I'm a cheese head word to
Lil Young Carter
Back in the day this's a song we'd break laws to, claws to
Say up next ain't just cool
no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up
Ops ain't lookin' so cool
no more
Do the most, what they doing
that for?
-This man has won national championships.
-Okay. [ Clears throat ]
JD and Mac are on a TikTok tour in the RV
they happily bought together.
Hannah and Atticus are fostering a blind cat.
-Oh, my God, they're so annoying.
-Parker is pregnant.
JK. She wishes.
But she is datinga Persian doctor.
-Ooh, Aladdin Daddy.
-Mel, you can't say
shit like that.
-Whatever.And I'm 30 days sober, you guys.
-She got it bedazzled.
And as for me, my video, "Turkey Hacks," went viral.
Turns out tension around Thanksgiving --
highly relatable subject.
Good morning.
It's me, with yourmorning food porn vlog.
Now my food porn vlog has over 100,000 subscribers.
People love my turkey recipes.
We're even allowed back
at Grandma's.
-No, we're literally forced
to be back at grandmas.
-Frances...
-Mom, we're doing ADR.
Shut up.
I fucking miss being banned.
-Daddy, it's cold outside.
-Bud Light in one hand, cigar in the other
3-0-5 till I die, that's word to your mother
Word to your daddy, he can be my caddy
Let me slide in it, girl,
I know you got a fatty
Let me put it on ya,
nice and slow
Red light, green light,it's time for me to go
Get me on a boat, let me get a smoke
Rodriguez cigars and you know I like it so
You know I like to drink,
listen to me sing
You know I got the bling,
and a couple fat rings
And a couple fat hoes with some really nice clothes
Bend it over, girl, and touch your toes
I was here, then I left, I was gone, now I'm back
Little rap relapse, renewed my contract
Let me tell ya how I feel, it's a really shitty deal
Now I'm plannin' on gettin'
Tom back to Spoonbill
Call up Frankie, tell him what I'm thinkin'
Cozumel Park, 9:30,
jumping fences
Got the shovel and we busy digging trenches
Got the Caja China smokin', I ain't talkin' devil's lettuce
Say up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up
Ops ain't lookin'
so cool no more
Do the most, what they doin' that for?
Say up next ain't just
cool no more
Do the most, can't do no more
Please shut the fuck up
Ops ain't lookin'
so cool no more
Do the most, what they doin' that for?