Freaky Tales (2024) Movie Script

1
[synth music pulsing]
[synth music]
[Too $hort narrating]
No joke.
[Too $hort continues]
- Like I said, wild.
- [synth music continues]
But I never thought
too hard on it though.
To me, it was just
one of those freaky things
that made the Bay
so damn fresh.
[lightning striking]
[upbeat music]
Hi, I'm Sleepy Floyd.
Join me this weekend
at the Oakland Coliseum Annex
for Sleepy's Mind
Wide Awake Seminar,
sponsored by Psytopics
Learning Center.
At my workshop,
we'll teach you how to practice
mindfulness and relaxation
under stressful circumstances.
Licensed Psytopics instructors
will give you the tools
to connect
to the cosmic life force
and give you the power
to battle both inner
and outer demons.
Trust me,
you won't wanna miss Sunday.
So join me this weekend,
all ages are welcome.
Sleepy's Mind
Wide Awake Seminar...
- [all] ...will blow your mind!
- [synth music]
[suspenseful music]
[hip-hop beat]
["Freaky Tales"
by Too $hort plays]
[explosion booming]
[hip-hop beat]
[Too $hort] Chapter one...
- AKA, The Gilman Strikes Back.
- [pencil scratching]
- [spring boing]
- [pencil scratching]
[Doppler shift of car honking]
- [thudding]
- [electricity buzzing]
- [car engine idling]
- [vehicle passing by]
Yo, that movie was hella rad.
So grandpa knew about
the vampires the whole time,
but didn't bother to tell
anyone in his family?
Well, that's why it's fresh.
You don't expect it.
All I'm saying,
if you motherfuckers knew
about some secret vampire shit
going off in the neighborhood
and you didn't let me know,
we might have a problem.
Tina. I hate to break it to you,
but if there's a secret cult
of vampires living amongst us--
We would be all up in that shit.
Give me that.
- [truck horn honking]
- Fair point.
- [man] Eat a dick, dyke!
- Get out the truck
and see what happens!
I ain't playing!
- Suck my dick, Black bitch!
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
Keep driving!
- Bitch!
- Fuck you want, faggots?
- Fuck you!
- [yelling continues]
[Tina] Go back to Fresno,
boneheads!
[man] We'll see you punks later!
[whooping]
[indistinct chatter]
- Fucking Nazis.
- [indistinct chatter]
- Let's go.
- [punk rock music]
Dude, you know I'm from Fresno.
Yeah, I've been trying
to forget that.
So I was tailing this dude
outta Lucky's yesterday.
Tailed? Like you followed
some random guy?
Okay, you never
followed anyone before?
[Kohlrabi] Hell, no,
that's some psycho shit.
- [muffled talking]
- [music muffled]
You ever tailed anybody, Luce?
Uh... No.
- [scoffs] Whatever.
- [Kohlrabi] Okay.
[Tina] Stop looking at me
like I'm weird.
[Tina] First time at Gilman?
No, I was here once.
Wanna see my membership?
- [lighter clinks, flicks]
- [indistinct chatter]
- No.
- No way.
[tenor saxophone music]
[indistinct chatter]
Psych.
- [band performing]
- Let's go!
["Bad Town" playing]
They call it a scene,
I call it disaster
Down here
the kids grew up faster
Scared, they're scared
to the bone
Like a pack of wolves
they don't run alone
One-on-one, they won't
look you in the eye
When the pack's together,
you hear a battle cry
I saw it, 15-on-one
The crowd dispersed,
the kid was done
- No!
- [crowd] No more!
- No!
- Bad town!
No more bad town
- No!
- [crowd] No more!
- No!
- Bad town!
No more bad town
- Yeah!
- Oh, shit!
- Dude, are you alright?
- Are you okay?
Down there
you gotta have a label
Just like a cattle
in a stable
Knee-jerk reaction,
I call it violence
Why speak out
when you could be silenced?
Down there,
out on the dance floor
- Yeah! [laughs]
- Too much violence
- I don't want more
- Whoo!
Down there,
out on the street
I can see the air,
I can see the heat
- No!
- No more!
- No
- Bad town!
No more bad town
- No!
- No more!
- No!
- Bad town!
No more bad town
- [rock music on car speakers]
- [yelling]
- [car honking]
- [yelling continues]
- [yelling continues]
- [suspenders snapping]
[yelling over each other]
[yelling, whooping]
- Let's go!
- [yelling continues]
- [music stops]
- [man] Hey, Troy!
- Yeah, meet me in the truck.
- Alright.
- [Nazi laughs]
- [footsteps pounding]
Yeah, Dad?
Did you know
the guy from Splash
used to sell hot dogs
at A's Games?
I don't eat meat.
I mean, I-I'm not trying to--
I'm saying, the guy from Splash.
- Did you see the movie?
- The mermaid movie?
- Yeah.
- Didn't see it.
Uh, what about Bachelor Party?
Do I look like somebody
who would see Bachelor Party?
First naked lady I ever saw
was in that movie.
Your first? Right.
'Cause you've seen
so many since.
I've seen a few!
[truck honking, approaching]
[men yelling]
- Oh, shit.
- [yelling continues]
All I know
is that I do not know
All I know
is that I don't know nothing
All I know
is that I do not know
[Josh] Fucking boneheads
are back.
- Those Nazi fucks
just rolled up.
- Outside.
Fuck, again?
[footsteps pounding]
Come on, guys. Not tonight.
- Fuck you, Jew! Get the fuck--
- Here to volunteer.
And fuck you up!
All I know
is that I don't know nothing
We get told to decide
- [grunts]
- Just like, as if...
I'm not gonna change
my mind
- [effort grunts]
- All I know
is that I don't know
All I know
is that I don't know nothing
All I know
is that I do not know
All I know
is that I don't know nothing
- [crowd yelling]
- ["Knowledge" continues]
What you gonna do
with yourself, boy?
Well, you better
make up your mind
What you gonna do
with yourself, boy?
- Running out of time
- [grunting]
[indistinct yelling]
- [grunts]
- [singer] Shit, man.
That's enough!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
- [effort grunts]
- [Tina] Lucid!
- [bracelet unclasping]
- [Tina] Hey!
- [grunts]
- [groans]
- Dude!
- [Troy] Yeah, tough guy?
[Tina groans]
- [grunts]
- [singer] Fucking bonehead!
[yelling] Hail Hitler!
Lay the fuck off, man. [grunts]
- [mic feedback]
- You okay?
- Yeah. You okay?
- Yeah.
- [mic feedback]
- [urinates]
- Fuck you! Show's over, losers!
- Losers!
- Bye!
- Pussy!
[Nazis shouting]
- Later, punk faggots. [laughs]
- [shouting continues]
- [packet crinkling]
- [Tina wincing]
Oh, it's cold.
It's supposed to be.
- [exhales]
- [chuckles]
- Does that hurt?
- No.
Okay, tough guy.
I didn't mean it like that.
[packet crinkling]
Can I ask you a question?
- No.
- Shut up.
[chuckles lightly]
You ever have a dream
then realize you're dreaming?
- Nah.
- I had one last night.
I was by myself in my room.
[groovy jazz music]
- Everybody was gone.
- [whooshes]
It was quiet. [huffs air]
That's how I knew
I was dreaming.
- [Lucid chuckles]
- My house is never quiet.
So, I started dancing.
I was eating, I forget what,
- Pop-Tarts or some shit.
- [crunching]
But then I was like,
"What am I staying
in the house for?"
[spring boing]
The whole world was mine.
[bell dings]
So I ran outside,
I started flying and shit.
[soaring]
It was so rad.
[bell dings]
[animation soaring]
[jazzy music intensifying]
What would you do?
In a dream?
Yeah, it's all in your head.
You can do anything you want,
no consequences.
[animation squeaking
and popping out]
[animation bouncing]
[jazz music intensifies, stops]
What?
I-- Nothing. I was--
I was thinking,
I see you blushing, tell me.
[scoffs] I was, uh,
thinking about flying.
That'd be... I'd fly too.
That'd be so cool.
Oh, man, that's boring.
That's what you did.
Alright, if I'm boring,
you're boring.
Whatever, Lewis.
Don't tell me.
- [knock on door]
- [Tina's Sister in Korean]
[in Korean]
What'd she say?
- Nothing.
- [footsteps receding]
You hungry?
[Tina's Dad speaking Korean]
...Eddie Money.
- Eddie Money? Yeah.
- [Tina's Dad speaks Korean] Oh!
- "Don't you know who I am?"
- [Tina] What?
[speaking Korean]
- What?
- [Tina's family laughing]
[Tina's Dad speaking Korean]
- Uh-huh.
- [Tina's Dad speaking Korean]
[chuckles] He was singing,
you know? [laughs]
[Kelsey] We just have
to keep 'em out.
No shit, we've been trying.
There's too many of 'em.
There are more of us.
- Yeah.
- [all agreeing]
Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
- Cops.
- Nope.
I did some research.
We can hire
off-duty Berkeley cops
for 11 bucks an hour.
- You called the cops?
- To ask the question, yes.
Don't judge,
all options are on the table.
That's why we're here.
To be fair, Berkeley cops
are different from Oakland cops.
- We all know it.
- You got that right.
Come on, guys,
without Oakland cops,
- there'd be no Black Panthers.
- [laughter]
[Kohlrabi] I'll call a vote.
Those in favor of hiring
off-duty Berkeley cops,
raise your hand.
Opposed?
So where does that leave us?
We fight.
A fight is what they want.
We can't meet their violence
with more violence.
- That's bullshit.
- I believe
in the ideal stenciled
on that sign back there.
But are you willing
to fight for them?
No violence means no violence.
Once you pass through the doors.
Oh, so violence is okay outside?
What about racism,
sexism, homophobia,
those okay outside too?
We're talking
about Nazis, Larry.
- Yes.
- I agree.
The rules don't apply to Nazis.
Dude, we got our asses kicked.
- Yeah.
- We supposed to just take that?
Tina's right, this is our house.
We built it with our bare hands,
and if we can't defend it,
- what's the point?
- [member] Yeah, that's right.
[Kohlrabi] Alright, I call
another vote then.
Those in favor of fighting
the Nazis, raise your hand.
- [items shuffle]
- [chairs squeak]
So, now I'm the guy who didn't
wanna fight the Nazis.
- Fuck that.
- [laughter]
- Yeah! [cheering]
- Yes, sir.
[cymbals clacking]
We won't take any shit
And we're not
about to leave
Just 'cause you don't like
Who and what we wanna be
- Who are you to say
- [thumping]
What's wrong, what's right
If it's what it takes
- We're ready to fight
- [blade zings]
["Ready to Fight" playing]
Ready to fight,
ready to fight, ready to fight,
fight, fight, fight
Ready to fight,
ready to fight, ready to fight,
fight, fight, fight
- ["Ready to Fight" continues]
- [tools whirring]
We won't take any shit
And we're not
about to leave
Just 'cause you don't like
Who and what we wanna be
Who are you to say
what's wrong, what's right
If it's what it takes
We're ready to fight
[on TV] Connect
to the cosmic emerald light.
Picture you are now floating
outside yourself.
Look down and notice
you are no longer anchored
by earthbound flesh.
Ready to fight,
ready to fight, ready to fight,
fight, fight, fight
Ready to fight,
ready to fight, ready to fight,
fight, fight, fight
- [clears throat]
- [electronic feedback]
[dishes clatter]
What's this?
Open it.
What's the occasion?
Today's the occasion.
I don't know, just open it.
[accessory zings]
Dude! [chuckles]
It's fucking awesome.
I love it, thank you.
Of course.
Oh, shit, whoa-oh! [laughs]
Wait, you might wanna...
You might wanna put that away.
- [grunts softly, chuckles]
- [chuckles]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [street bustles]
- Can I tell you a secret?
- [people cheering]
I've never been
in a fight before.
You're in charge
of our security
and you've never been
in a fight?
Yeah, whose idea was that?
I just volunteered
to see free shows.
I never said
I could run security.
You never said you couldn't.
Yeah, well, it was going fine
for the most part
'til the fucking Nazis
showed up.
How many fights
have you been in?
I don't know.
More than zero,
I know that much.
So, one?
- Two.
- Two?
It was one too many.
So you lost one?
I lost them both,
which was fine the first time.
It was a good life experience.
The second time just hurt.
How do you think
you'll describe the third?
[car honking]
- [car revving]
- [indistinct shouting]
Ask me tomorrow.
- They're here!
- Shit, we gotta go.
...what's right
If it's what it takes
We're ready to fight
["Ready to Fight" continues]
Ready to fight,
ready to fight, ready to fight,
fight, fight, fight
Ready to fight,
ready to fight, ready to fight,
fight, fight, fight
[electronic feedback]
- [footsteps thumping]
- [suspenseful music]
[chain clinks]
[suspenseful music continues]
[snuffles]
[footsteps thump]
Hey, Jew!
You can hide
behind a bunch of fags,
but that ain't gonna stop us
from coming in.
[elastic creaks]
[suspenseful music intensifies]
Die, Nazi scum!
[indistinct yelling]
- [whooshes]
- [screams]
[all yelling]
- [thuds]
- [screams]
[yells]
- [yelling continues]
- [groans]
- [grunting]
- [blood splattering]
[groans]
- [grunting]
- [groaning]
[yelling]
- [blood splattering]
- [groaning]
[indistinct]
- [weapon whacks]
- [groans]
- [whacks]
- [thuds]
- [grunts]
- [thuds]
[grunts]
[effort grunts, thuds]
- [grunts]
- [blood splatters]
[Lucid groaning]
- [grunting]
- [groaning]
[both grunting]
- [accessory zings]
- [groans]
- [effort grunts]
- [accessory zings]
- Ah, fuck, fuck, no! [screams]
- [blood splatters]
- [screaming continues]
- [accessory zings]
[both groan]
- [bottle shatters]
- [flame blazing]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[rock music continues]
[indistinct yelling]
[trucks rev]
- [thunder crashing]
- [thudding]
[glass shatters]
- [truck revs]
- [all cheering]
["Rise Above" playing]
Jealous cowards
try to control
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
They distort what we say
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
Try and stop what we do
Rise above, rise above
When they can't
do it themselves
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
We are tired of your abuse
Try to stop us, it's no use
["Rise Above" continues]
We are tired of your abuse
Try to stop us
But it's no use
We are born with a chance
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
I am gonna have my chance
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
We are born with a chance
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
And I am gonna
have my chance
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
- [spotlight zings]
- [transition whooshes]
Rise above, rise above
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
Rise above,
we're gonna rise above
[transition creaks]
[thuds]
[footsteps thump]
[pointing plinks]
[swooshing]
[upbeat music]
[Too $hort] Chapter two...
- [distant traffic droning]
- [horn honking]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [laughs]
But how about that greasy
saxophone-playing motherfucker?
I mean, he was fine, right?
Oh, I still believe!
Yeah, that shit was hella good.
Makes me wanna go to Santa Cruz.
But how come grandpa
didn't tell his family
- about the vampires?
- No, that shit cold, right?
I would be pissed.
So what now?
You wanna go to Giant Burger?
Hell, yeah.
- Shit!
- What?
Think I left my bus pass
in the bathroom.
- Well, just go get it.
- [truck horn honking]
Alright.
[man] Eat a dick, dyke!
Get out the truck
and see what happens!
I ain't playin'!
- Suck my dick, Black bitch!
- Fuck you!
[Barbie] Yeah,
that's what I thought.
Keep drivin'!
- Fuck you, bitches!
- Fuck you want, faggots?
[Tina] Go back to Fresno,
boneheads!
- [horn honking]
- We'll see you punks later!
[indistinct chatter]
You okay?
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
Nazis trippin' again?
I don't know how we went
from Black Panthers
to Skinheads
running wild in this city.
But all I know is somebody
fell asleep at the wheel
- to let that shit happen.
- People need reminding,
ain't nothing cool
about being a Nazi.
It's 1987. You'd think people
would know by now, but, no.
Fo sho. You and your friend.
I've seen you before.
You're in Danger Zone, right?
Yeah. You've seen us?
I saw you perform
at the open mic night
at La Pea a few weeks back.
There was like ten people there.
I was one of 'em.
Hey, good news,
it was not in the toilet.
Bad news, I think somebody
pissed on it anyway.
- Who's this?
- I'm Lenny G.
- Lenny G?
- Lenny G?
- I work with Too $hort.
- We know who you are!
Girl, he knows who we are.
- Quit playin'.
- He saw us at open mic night.
There was like ten people there.
And he was one of 'em.
We got a show coming up.
Why don't you two come on stage,
spit some rhymes with $hort?
And why don't you
shut the fuck up?
- Let the man speak.
- What? He ain't being real.
$hort wanna try something new.
A battle rap section
to the show.
And based on what I saw
from y'all two,
I suspect y'all can hold
your own with him.
And I suspect
your suspicions are correct.
- We'll be there.
- Cool.
You might wanna have
something planned,
in case you get nervous.
[laughs] Yeah,
we don't get nervous.
- Okay. We'll find out.
- Right.
See you there! Thank you!
Shit, I'm nervous.
- Girl, me too!
- [shoes clacking]
- ["Two Hearts" playing]
- [crowd chattering]
We gotta stay ready
'cause they don't protect us.
These motherfuckers
need to respect us.
Here's the question...
["Two Hearts"
playing in background]
[exhales]
What about this finale?
What about it?
I think we need
to practice it again.
Ooh, we already practiced it.
[The Guy] Hello, ladies.
How about you cut the chit-chat
and practice getting me
some ice cream here,
- what do you say?
- What can I get for you?
Um, how's your bubble gum?
It's good
if you like bubble gum.
Let me get a taste.
Mmm.
Yeah, I see what you mean.
Um, can you blow bubbles
with this gum?
Yeah, I-I guess so.
[sucks teeth]
[rattles]
What else can you blow?
[exhales]
What's your favorite flavor?
- [Barbie] Um...
- [The Guy's lips smack]
Oh, wait a minute,
let me guess...
I bet you love
the chocolate showers.
- Am I right?
- [Barbie scoffs]
[tense music]
- You know what?
- [tense music]
- [thuds]
- I think I know exactly
what's you want.
You look like
straight-up vanilla to me.
Don't judge a book by its badge.
I've been known
to have a sweet tooth
for the dark stuff.
[car horn honking in distance]
Is that right?
What's the expression?
Ah, that's it.
The darker the berry--
The harder the slap.
I don't think that's it.
You wanna find out?
What can I get
for you today, officer?
[distant traffic droning]
Give me a sugar cone of vanilla.
- [thuds]
- Great choice.
- Two dollars.
- [hands thud on counter]
Aren't you forgetting something?
["Two Hearts" continues]
Looks like somebody's got
a freebie comin' his way!
I'd like my hole
punched, please.
- [door opens]
- Fucking pervert.
- [door thuds]
- Hey, could we get
some help over here?
Oh, you want us to help you now?
Don't start with me,
Jesse Jackson.
[thudding]
[sighs]
What can I get
for you today, sir?
- [distant traffic droning]
- [chair creaks]
[car door creaks, thuds]
Where's my rocky road?
They were out.
They were out of rocky road?
Yep.
So you didn't think to ask me
if I wanted something else?
- Nope.
- [distant whooping]
- Fucking bitch!
- [car engine starts, revs]
["Two Hearts" playing]
Ay yo. Would you ever take
a beginner class of Psytopics
with me?
Psytopics?
- No, ma'am.
- I mean, they say
- classes could help
control your reality.
- And you believe that?
You ain't never thought
about changing your reality?
We can change it tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is,
what if there is more
to free up here
in order to get free out here.
Okay, damn, that was deep.
I'll meditate on that one.
I guess you didn't hear
about Yolanda.
What about her?
She worked at Psytopics
for, like, six months.
Then, one day during class,
she just started bleeding
from her eyes and ears.
- [clicks tongue] Nah!
- Yeah!
Ask Cherry, she was there.
She thought her head
was about to explode.
- Yeah, that shit crazy.
- [scoffs]
I mean, they at least
gave her a refund.
Oh, I hope so.
[laughs]
["Love Come Down" playing]
[both laughing]
She sure shouldn't.
- [Entice] Did you see that?
- Yeah.
Hey, um,
we're Barbie and Entice.
We should be on the guest list.
Oh, yeah, groupies around back.
- [Entice] Groupies?
- [Barbie] Oh, hell, no.
We ain't no groupies.
We're from Danger Zone.
[sighs deeply]
What's y'all name?
Entice. E-N-T-I-C-E.
Barbie. B-A-R-B-I-E.
[sighs]
I ain't got you
on the guest list.
Shit, see, I knew
that dude was lyin'. Damn!
Look, are you sure?
You're on the artist list.
["Love Come Down" continues]
The artist list.
Yeah,
that's us.
- Artists.
- [chuckles]
Danger Zone.
- [flashlight clicks]
- So, listen.
Green room's through
that door, end of the hall.
Alright? Fo sho, have fun!
Artists we're... Artists.
- Ooh!
- Where is it?
He said at the end of the hall.
Is this it?
Oh, shit!
[woman moans]
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, come on, $hort.
[door creaks, thuds]
What happened?
$hort's in there.
For real?
Then why didn't you go in?
He eating pussy.
Oh.
Maybe we should give him
a minute then.
Maybe five...
ten minutes?
- [door opens]
- [people chattering]
[door thuds]
- End of the hall.
- Right.
[commentator]
They can't wake Sleepy!
[indistinct shouting]
Sleepy Floyd is Superman!
[continues indistinctly]
[Lenny G]
Mothafucker called him Superman!
Hey, 'sup, y'all?
Danger Zone!
Can y'all believe this game?
- Sleepy goin' off!
- Cool.
Hey, make yourself comfortable.
Y'all wanna drink?
- Sure.
- No. Thanks.
[indistinct chatter]
Lenny, you know, we ain't
really talk about money.
- Right.
- [bottle cap clinks]
I was thinking 5% of the door.
Cool?
Hey, find me
after the show, okay?
Alright, sure.
[commentator indistinct]
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, I just thought
we was gonna go over it
at least one more time.
You'll feel it, okay,
I promise you.
I need a bathroom.
[distant cheering]
[sighing deeply]
[Barbie knocks]
Come on, the show's starting!
Go ahead,
I'll be there in a minute.
[Barbie] You sure you're okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, just-just gimme a minute.
[Barbie] Aight.
[sighs]
[chanting] We want $hort!
We want $hort! We want $hort!
Alright, y'all!
Give it up for the man
y'all came to see!
Oakland's own,
Too $hort!
- [upbeat rap music]
- [cheering]
These are the tales,
the freaky tales
These are the tales
that I tell so well
These are the tales,
the freaky tales
These are the tales
that I tell so well
I met this girl,
her name was Joan
She loved the way I rocked
on the microphone
When I met Joan,
I took her home
She was just like a doggy
all on my bone
What was going
through your head
in the fourth quarter?
Um, I wasn't really thinking
at all, Jim.
It was a strange feeling, uh,
as if I left my body
for a few minutes of it.
Well, you certainly
were playing
like a man possessed.
- Congratulations.
- Uh, thank you.
I just wanna say hi out there
to my mom,
and my girlfriend, Andrea,
watching at home.
[Jim] We'll be right back
with the post-game show
after the break.
[man] Before I went
to Psytopics,
my life was outta control.
I was on the street.
I didn't care about anyone,
and no one cared about me.
But everything changed
when I took my first class
at the Spiritual
Learning Center.
I learned there's
a cosmic force all around us.
Anyone can tap into it,
even you.
It's not a joke, trust me.
If you wanna change your life,
start by trusting your mind.
Start by trusting Psytopics.
My girlfriend's name
was Michelle
Her booty was bigger
- than a tail on a whale
- Good to go?
- Yeah.
- When I freaked Michelle
I freaked her well
Her pussy got hotter
than the flames in Hell
So right about now,
- I wanna try something new.
- [audience cheering]
I feel like battling tonight.
- [audience cheering] Yeah!
- Who with me?
[audience cheering]
But I don't think
nobody crazy enough
to jump on this stage
with Too $hort!
Oh, wait, hold up, hold up!
I think we found somebody.
What's this
WrestleMania bullshit?
Is Danger Zone in the house?
- Okay, that's us, let's go!
- Oh, no, wait.
- They set us up.
- What?
- [Lenny G] Where you at...
- They wanna humiliate us.
What are you talking about?
Girl, they are calling us
on stage, now, let's go!
I don't think they showed up.
They think we're a joke.
- Bitch, do you see me joking?
- Danger Zone?
- I don't even know them.
- [Lenny G] There they go!
Give it up
for Danger Zone, y'all!
- [man] Damn, they crazy.
- [scattered applause]
[indistinct chatter]
- Y'all ready, right?
- Fuck, yeah, we ready.
Then let's do this.
[upbeat rap music]
- Say, hoe
- [audience clamors]
- Yeah, you
- [clamoring]
Can I ask you a question?
[man] Ask 'em, $hort!
- You like to fuck?
- [clamoring continues]
Oh, you don't want me
to talk to you like that?
Oh, you like
to make love?
I saw you walking down
the street so I had to stop
Turn up the radio
and drop the top
I see you look so good
and you're so fine
Young tender,
would you be mine?
I put you in my car,
drive you to my house
'Cause I'm a mack
I cold turn you out
I won't ask
and I sure won't beg
Reach right over
and rub your leg
I let my hand slide
between your miniskirt
Put my finger
in your panties,
start goin' to work
What time is it,
don't watch the clock
Lay back, baby doll,
and I'll rock the cock
Funky fresh I am,
and I always can
Freak nasty, I'm the man
I take you out
to the finest restaurant
Buy you any damn thing
that you want
You want flowers,
I'll buy your ass a rose
But later on
you're coming out
with them pantyhose
You want gold,
girl, what's next?
It's me and you,
doing the sex
So now you know
I'm just a freak
Give it up, baby,
I can't wait two weeks
I want it all,
don't say I won't
Get it, girl,
now I'm telling you don't
[cheering]
Come on.
[inhales] Nigga--
[audience groaning]
You got this, don't fight it.
- Just breathe, now, tell him.
- [mystical music]
Nigga, please,
you provoke no feeling
You must've forgot the girls
of whom you're dealing
We haven't the urge
to get busy
- Like those dizzy Lizzies
- Who used to dance for you
- You're through
- I can't put it more blunt
Your vocab is restricted,
you're addicted
To the words
you inflicted
- Time after time
- Line after line
Talking 'bout the bitches
that are on your mind
- Do they call you $hort...
- 'Cause of your height?
Or your width? Diss me, boy
I'll hang your balls
from a cliff
- Wrapped around a slinky
- You're a dinky
- It's an easy task
- To the corner
'Cause the curb
didn't want your ass
Your name is Yuck Mouth,
you don't brush
Gotta cover
your mouth like this
They call you Yuck Mouth
- You refuse to brush
- No, sweetheart
You can keep that kiss
You're a freak with no tail
You have no ass, class,
you can't pass
- You're simply trash
- You're a typical nigga
The kind
you don't take home
- This is Entice
- And Barbie
From the Danger Zone
Like a short dog
that carries fleas
- You make my ass
- Itch, twitch
- Don't you wish
- You could scratch it?
And grab it
like you want it
The name fits
'cause you're all up on it
- [echoes] On it
- [cheering]
- Alright.
- [upbeat rap music]
Yeah, check
Get mad if you want
I won't front
When it's time to hump
I won't be no punk
Roll your ass over
and tap the butt
Too $hort, baby,
all in them guts
I'm not your ABC,
from the alphabet
Every letter I'll write
will make your pussy wet
I'm a player, bitch,
I thought you knew
Like every other nigga
in my crew
I bump hoes,
now it's your turn
Tell me, young tender,
when will you learn?
I cold mack
like pimps you know
Won't sell you dope
or sell you blow
Just your average everyday
straight bump up, bitch
My gold rings
come from spits
Look, baby,
you know what I want
You acting like
it's that time of the month
Are you bleeding?
Can't think about sex
Irritated by your Kotex
We don't need to kiss
We don't have to fuck
I'll pull out my dick,
bitch, you can suck
[audience cheering, chattering]
- Let's see if y'all
can top that.
- Y'all better come with it.
- Punk, I'm not a tease
- I'm not a skeezer
And most definitely
not a dick pleaser
You're dreaming,
and scheming, and fiending
- For my lust
- You don't have enough
For you I feel disgust
- Wait
- Small things I hate
For goodness' sakes
If I wanted someone small
I would masturbate
I'm not talking
'bout your height, weight
- Or what you dream
- When I say Too $hort
- You know what I mean
- You see
- I need a man
- Not a boy
- To approach me
- Your lame game
Really insults me
Your name is Too $hort
Or shall I say too skinny
If size were money, honey
You wouldn't have a penny
Little boy,
you're not a player
- I'm your savior
- To try to get at me shows
Audacious behavior
You wanna bit of danger,
step into my zone
You call yourself a dog
That's how
I'll send you home
With your tail
between your legs
- Screeching and whining
- Nigga say you got some
- Nigga, please
- You're lying
'Cause to fight the feeling
- There would have
to be one
- And mathematically
- Me plus you
- Equals none
[audience cheering, shouting]
[Lenny G] Let's give it up
for Danger Zone!
[audience cheering]
[bus engine revving]
- [both giggling]
- Girl! [groans softly]
[upbeat music]
[upbeat electronic music]
[Too $hort] The third chapter...
[beeping]
[line ringing]
[receptionist]
Dr. Seale's office.
[Clint] Dr. Seale, please.
[birds chirping in distance]
- [Dr. Seale] Hello?
- Dr. Seale, it's Clint.
How is she?
I've been trying to reach you.
I'm afraid she didn't make it.
What?
I'm sorry to have
to tell you like this.
We did everything we could.
What do you mean?
She's dead? She died?
I don't understand.
I was just there.
I'm sorry, Clint.
She took a turn for the worse.
There was just
too much bleeding.
We couldn't get her back
to the OR in time.
[tense music]
What about the baby?
She's in the NICU.
Unresponsive.
We're doing what we can,
but it doesn't look good.
Where are you, Clint?
There are some police here.
They'd like to ask you
some questions
about the, uh, the incident.
[tense music]
[creaks, thuds]
[exhales deeply]
[suspenseful music]
Any requests?
[Grace] The Fly.
No. Nothing scary.
Sid & Nancy.
I wanted to watch it last year,
but you said--
I hate that music.
It's just noise.
- It gives me a headache.
- [mimics]
Oh, I said that?
Yup.
And then I said,
"It's not just noise.
It's actually about something."
And what'd I say?
[mimics Clint]
"Yeah? What's it about?"
[chuckles] And you said?
"Emotional anarchy."
Cool.
You said that too.
And then we watched
The Money Pit.
Which was not a bad movie.
That actor's from Oakland.
He used to sell hot dogs
at A's games.
I shook him down
in the parking lot
after a game once.
I'm pretty sure it was him.
I'll see if they have it.
Be careful.
[car door squeaking]
[car door slams]
Clint.
Hurry back.
[door closes]
[suspenseful music]
- [sirens wailing distantly]
- [distant shouting]
[sports commentary on radio]
Hello?
[store owner] Just a minute.
[Clint] What's the score?
[store owner] Lakers up big.
Damn.
You know, we got lucky
against The Mailman,
but these Warriors
cannot keep up with Magic.
- Yeah, well, you never know.
- I mean, look,
I'm just a movie guy.
I don't know much about sports,
but it's pretty obvious
the brooms
are coming out tomorrow.
- Can't win 'em all I guess.
- No, definitely cannot.
Which is why we love
the underdogs.
They're a projection
of ourselves.
We're all just
a bunch of losers.
We cannot kill Darth Vader,
and we cannot win a rumble
against the Soviets,
and we definitely
cannot beat LA.
And yet,
the underdog believes
they can achieve the impossible.
Top five underdog movies, go.
- Oh, I'm actually here for--
- Let's begin with the obvious,
Rocky. Most people
assume it's number one,
and I think it's best
just to get it out of the way.
It's probably your number one,
am I right? Nevermind.
Number four,
it just came out last year,
it's already an instant classic.
You know where I'm going, right?
Come on, basketball man.
Dennis Hopper, in the same year
as Blue Velvet,
breaking our hearts
both on and off the court.
Say it with me on three.
One, two, three. Hoosiers!
- I haven't seen it.
- And you call yourself
a basketball fan?
No. I'm just here
for some movies.
And I'm giving them
to you, Slim.
[scoffs] That's my job.
Number three.
- [slams table]
- Let's have it.
The Dirty Dozen.
- I've seen that.
- Underdogs
on a suicide mission
to kill Nazis.
Works on multiple levels.
- Right.
- Number two,
Sidney Lumet directed
this courtroom drama
from a perfect script
by David Mamet,
starring Paul Newman
at his incomparable
ambulance-chasing best.
The Verdict.
- I heard that was good.
- No, you didn't.
What you probably heard
is that it is amazing.
So why haven't you seen it yet?
Are you even ready
for number one?
You have no idea.
In his review of this 1979 film,
Roger Ebert wrote, quote,
"Movies like this
hardly ever get made.
When they're made this well,
they become precious
cinematic miracles." Unquote.
- Name that picture.
- Look,
I'm not here to play Jeopardy.
I'm here for some,
uh, specific titles.
I'm trying to provide you
with an experience.
I appreciate it.
Do you have...
Big Trouble in Little China?
Somebody just checked
that out. Sorry.
For a more nuanced portrait
of San Francisco's Chinatown,
I recommend Chan is Missing.
What about Tough Guys?
New releases. Anything else?
Ruthless People.
And?
The Color of Money.
[tense music]
And I thought you were here
for the movies.
- How much?
- Five hundred.
- Behind the curtain.
- [thuds]
- Good luck.
- [phone ringing]
Hey.
So what's number one?
I'll tell you when you come out.
Late Night Video.
No, some jackass stole
our entire collection.
But have you seen Scanners?
It's basically the same idea.
Yeah. See ya.
[clicks, whirs]
- [whirring]
- [suspenseful music]
- [upbeat electronic music]
- [clicks]
[volume increases]
["I Wanna Be the One"
by Stevie B playing]
[sings along]
...when I'm all alone
I think of you
and I'm feeling strong
I'm wishing
you would just look my way
["I Wanna Be the One" continues]
- [chips clacking]
- [Blowhard] All in, assholes!
Call.
Call?
You're dumber than you look,
Yung. You know that?
I thought Asians
were supposed to be smart.
- Oh, yeah.
- [group giggling]
[clears throat]
Goddammit!
[Clint] Ouch.
That looked painful.
[Blowhard] Ah, shit.
[scoffs] Did that video dork
let you in?
I bought in like everyone else.
[Blowhard] Okay, look.
You saw that, right?
- Hella bad beat. I'm sorry.
- [sighs]
Why didn't you say something
when you came in? I...
I had the money ten seconds ago.
It's still on the table.
You were in the middle
of a hand.
[sighing]
Yung, do me a favor.
I'm sorry to ask this,
but can I keep some of that
so I can get this clown
off my back?
No, no, no. That's his money.
I can't take his money.
What do you care?
I'm gonna pay him back!
He's not gonna
pay you back, Yung.
You're gonna have to hire a guy
like me to rough him up for you.
It's a nasty business.
Don't get involved.
[sighs]
[chair creaks]
Come on. What are you doing?
My job.
[sighs] I thought you retired.
Aren't you having a kid?
Hey, congratulations,
by the way.
Thank you.
Ah, kids are the best.
Changed my life.
What do you have?
Two boys.
No.
What do you have for The Guy?
Nothing.
You saw what happened.
Yung took my money.
It's right there.
'Cause Asians are smarter.
Okay, listen. Check this out.
Careful.
Ah, er... [scoffs]
Courtside seats.
Game 4.
Warriors-Lakers.
These are worth
at least a thousand.
Anybody know how much
these tickets are worth?
Five hundred, tops.
What? No way, man.
We're talking about
the showtime Lakers.
Jack Nicholson
would pay a grand a piece.
Do you know Jack Nicholson?
No. But I'm sure I could make
a few phone calls.
Alright? I think
he'd be very interested.
- Okay.
- Okay, what?
Make some calls.
If you can sell 'em, I'll wait.
[tense music]
Will somebody buy these?
- Mm-mm.
- Please?
- [overlapping]
- Two-fifty.
Kiss my ass, $250.
- Alright. Forget it then.
- Forget you then.
Okay.
[exhales deeply]
I'll give these tickets
to The Guy.
I'll say they're worth $500,
more or less.
More. Definitely more.
But, okay, fine. Thank you.
You know it's not enough though.
[sighs] What?
It's not enough.
- Those are courtside seats.
- Right or left?
Under the basket.
Right...
or left?
Come on, Clint.
Is this necessary?
You want me to choose?
[sighs] Fuck it.
- [finger cracks]
- Ow!
- [men] Ooh.
- Fuck!
- [groans]
- Ah, you're alright.
- Fucking A! Fuck!
- This yours?
Fuck! [pants]
- Yeah.
- [indistinct chatter]
- You okay to drive? Yeah?
- Yeah.
Well, fellas...
[sighs]
I'm officially retired.
- [man] Yeah!
- [Yung] Good luck, homie.
I need you girl
- And I need you now
- [door opens]
- [song continues]
- [door closes]
[indistinct commentary
on radio continues]
What happened to the other guy?
What other guy?
The other dude who works here.
He was gonna tell me the best
underdog movie of all time.
I'm the only one here today.
No, there was another guy.
A little older. Maybe the owner?
But you're the owner, sir.
You've always been the owner.
I'm just fucking with you.
That was Hank.
[chuckles]
He's hella intense, huh?
Oh, he's just
on his lunch break, so...
[suspenseful music]
[whirring]
[clerk] Uh, your nose...
Here.
Go Warriors.
[on radio] Credit to the Lakers.
They just know how to win.
- [continues indistinctly]
- [car passing by]
[car door slams]
Aw!
- [exhales]
- You'll watch it with me?
Cost me 90 bucks,
you bet your ass
I'm gonna watch it with you.
- You bought this?
- I ran the numbers,
and I figured
we still come out ahead
on late fees.
So?
[exhales] You know what this is?
A fist of fury.
It was a fist of fury.
Now it's just a hand. [chuckles]
- So no more punching?
- No more punching.
At least not for money.
Well, damn, baby,
let's celebrate!
Okay, but before we go to Reno,
can we stop at Cody's?
This new lady at work said
that she has
this Psytopics book.
She said it'll change my life.
You don't need a book
to change your life, baby.
[tense music]
Look at me.
[keys jingle]
[tense music continues]
You know who I am?
- No.
- Look closer.
Subtract seven years
from my face.
Now imagine,
I'm watching you kill my father.
- [punches landing]
- [man groaning]
It ends when The Guy
says it ends!
- [punches thudding]
- [grunts]
[Antonio yells] Stop!
[tense music]
I'm sorry.
I'm not the same person
that did that to your father.
[sobs] The thing is,
I don't care.
[tense music intensifies]
[gun fires]
- [bullet shells clink]
- [grunts]
[breathing heavily]
Don't watch it without me, okay?
No...
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no!
[engine starts, revs]
[tires screeching]
- [intense music]
- [siren blares]
Hey, mister,
you wanna buy a tape?
I made this East Bay
mix special for you.
Nah, kid, uh...
It's got Too $hort,
and I know you like $hort.
Richie Rich, Tower of Power.
And if you don't like
all that rap stuff,
it's got Sly
and the Family Stone,
The Pointer Sisters,
Sheila E., The Grateful Dead,
Operation Ivy, and Metallica,
if you're a rock and roll guy.
Trade you for these.
Pleasure doing business
with you.
[door creaks, closes]
[Tina] It's fucking awesome.
- [Lucid indistinct]
- [Tina chuckles]
- I love it, thank you.
- [Lucid] Of course.
Oh, shit, whoa-oh! [laughs]
Wait, you might wanna
put that away.
[Dawson] You're late.
What's this?
Your fee.
It's light.
It's a taste.
Keep your taste,
I want the entre.
We got one more job for you.
- The Warrior thing.
- The Warrior thing?
The basketball guys.
Can't talk about it here.
[utensils clink]
Yesterday was the last,
last job.
I did it, I'm done.
Fuck you.
Okay, I do not have time
for this.
You are 30 minutes late.
I'm gonna make this
real easy for you.
You got two choices.
You take that envelope,
give it to The Guy,
you pray he takes mercy on you,
'cause that is nowhere near
your debt.
Might be enough
to buy you another day.
How you pay tomorrow's
up to you.
What's he gonna do?
Make me break my own legs?
You've seen
these younger guys in action.
Cooper, Tuck.
They truly do not give a fuck.
They take a little
too much joy in the work.
A lot more than you ever did.
And my second choice?
Slide that envelope
back across the table,
do one more job with me
and my crew tonight.
One more job.
When's it ever end?
It ends when The Guy
says it ends.
You forgot about
door number three.
- There's no door number three.
- [Clint breathes deeply]
Door number three is...
- [lighter flicks]
- [tense music]
I see you in hell
in a gasoline suit.
[chuckles]
Okay. [laughs]
Door number three it is.
You know what this means, right?
Everybody's on the table.
You, your family,
your fuckin' dog,
The Guy's coming
after everybody.
Well, I don't have a dog.
And my parents died
when I was 15,
and my pregnant wife
was murdered yesterday.
[tense music]
The Guy wants me,
he knows where to find me.
But you may wanna warn him...
I got nothing left.
[tense music]
Pain, Clint.
Maybe you don't mind dying,
but he's gonna collect
on that pain before you do.
Good.
I've caused a lot of people
a lot of pain in this town.
Maybe it's my turn
to bleed a little.
Can I see it?
[tense music continues]
Who's it for?
Nazis.
Aim for the neck.
[whirs]
["So Very Hard To Go"
by Tower of Power playing]
[singer vocalizing]
[lighter flicks]
Ain't nothin' I can say
Nothin' I can do
I feel so bad, yeah
I feel so blue
- [keys jingle]
- [engine starts]
Mmm
I got to make it right
For everyone concerned
Even if it's me,
if it means, just me
Wants getting back
'Cause I can never...
- [tires screeching]
- ...make you unhappy
Clint Flood?
We need you to ID a suspect.
No, I couldn't
do that, girl
Only wish
I didn't love you so...
- [song stops]
- [engine stops]
[commentator on radio]
For the Warriors
in this Game 4,
the backcourt
will be Sleepy Floyd
and Chris Mullin...
[continues indistinctly]
The underdog believes
he can do the impossible.
Defeat the bully,
sell enough mixtapes
to get out of the hood,
break enough bones to pay off
his father's debt.
I'm done believing.
I'm gonna die today.
Most people go
their whole lives not knowing
when they're gonna die,
fearing death.
But I can say with certainty,
this underdog
has seen his last day.
I'm okay with it.
My time has come.
[mysterious music]
And that's okay.
You hear what they found
in the kid's car?
- What?
- Psytopics Tape.
[Pierce] Psytopics?
They do the freaky commercials
with the green eyes, right?
[indistinct chatter]
[tense music]
[packet crumples, thuds]
Thanks.
[phone ringing]
[phone continues ringing]
[receiver clacks]
Yeah.
Okay. I guess
you better tell him then.
It's for you.
- Hello?
- [Dr. Seale] Clint?
Jesus Christ, it's Dr. Seale.
I have good news, Clint.
Your daughter
is going to make it.
She's in stable condition,
she's responsive,
she's very much alive.
She's alive?
Yes. Yes, goddammit,
she's alive.
It's a fuckin' miracle.
Now get your ass
back to the hospital
and meet your girl.
You hear me?
- Yeah.
- Are you coming back?
Yeah.
[tense music]
I just have to do, uh...
I just have to do one thing.
[tense music buildup]
Congratulations.
Looks like you have
something left after all.
[tense music continues]
Number three,
raise your head.
[clicks tongue]
Yeah, just keep looking.
Take your time.
We're not in a hurry.
Number three.
Step forward.
[breathing heavily]
[tense music sting]
[Payton]
He's right in front of you.
[soft ethereal music]
It ain't him.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
gentlemen.
I've gotta get my daughter
from the hospital,
and pick another day to die.
[soft ethereal music continues]
[bouncy music]
[electronic music]
[Too $hort] Final chapter...
- [truck rumbling]
- [shouting rowdily]
[truck horn tooting]
[upbeat punk music]
[snorting]
[roars]
Larry Smith,
Rolling Fort, Mississippi.
Eight points per game,
but rebounds are his specialty.
He scored 15 points
in Game 3.
Has no parents in town,
but he's got a girlfriend
sitting in his comped seats,
row 12, section C.
He had a childhood friend
come in town last night.
Staying in some shitty
motor lodge off Helgenberger.
[The Guy] That's some friend.
Chris Mullin, three-time
Big East Player of the Year.
Guy's got a Gold Medal
from the '84 Olympics,
but it's a high-risk,
low reward collectible
from some guy nobody's heard of.
- [The Guy] Mmm.
- It's his second season,
he already blew
most of his bonus on booze.
He's a lush,
and for what it's worth,
he's the only white guy
on the team.
Okay, fine, leave him
off the list. Next.
Purvis Short,
Hattiesburg, Mississippi.
What is it with this team
and all these Mississippi boys?
Fun fact, he was the fifth
overall draft pick in 1978.
You know who went sixth?
Do I look like
a basketball encyclopedia?
Larry Bird.
- [The Guy] Wow!
- Larry Bird.
Yeah, well, that is a fun fact.
Why are these teams so afraid
to pick a white man, huh?
[thudding down the stairs]
Excuse me. Hey, Troy!
[Troy] Yeah,
meet me in the truck.
- [Nazi laughs]
- Yeah, Dad?
Now what are you boys
up to tonight?
Just gonna drive around
and shit,
maybe beat up some fags.
Cool, and do you need anything?
- [object clacks]
- No.
- [keys jangle]
- Are you sure?
Yeah, alright.
[keys jangling]
[sucks teeth] Thanks, Dad.
Just fill her up
when you're done, okay?
[door creaks, closes]
Good kids, fine people.
[inhales deeply]
Please, go on.
Uh, Purvis Short, they call him
The Rainbow Man because--
'Cause he's a fag! [laughing]
Is that because he's a fag?
[laughing]
Uh, he's got a unique arc
to his jump shot.
Okay, okay, okay, listen,
I'm gonna stop you there, okay?
Now, I respect your attention
to detail, I really do,
but I'm gonna request
from here on out,
no more fun facts.
Because I don't need to know
how many shots Terry Teagle made
in high school in 1977,
what Chris Washburn was smoking
on draft night last year,
or if Joe Barry Carroll's
nickname is Joe Barely Cares,
then so is mine.
I only wanna know,
A, where do they live?
B, what's in their house?
Is there anything worth taking?
And C, will the house be empty
on the night of the game?
Now with all that in mind,
please continue.
Eric "Sleepy" Floyd.
He's an All-Star point guard
out of Georgetown.
What did I just tell you?
Uh, he lives alone.
He's got a nice house
on Skyline Boulevard.
His family's in town
from North Carolina,
sister, brother, and mother,
they're all staying with him,
and they all attended
the last game,
so there's no reason to believe
they won't be there on Sunday.
My source says
that he's a collector
of ancient Asian art.
He has a hidden vault
in his house
with some extremely rare,
extremely valuable items.
Well, well, well,
how does he afford that?
[Travis] Well, he makes around
200 grand per season, sir.
Most players spend this
on cars, coke, and pussy,
but he spent his
on a fine art collection
at Christie's
and I've got the auction logs
to prove it.
- [basketball thuds]
- [tense music]
Good, add his name to the list.
[suspenseful music]
He's fine, he'll be in there
for hours sometimes,
eyes closed,
just clearing his head.
[Travis] There's five of them.
[Tuck] So?
So Ted said
there would be three,
sister, brother, and mother.
So there's a sister, brother,
mother, plus a sister
and a brother, who cares?
I just don't like
when the intel's off.
You wanna find a phone,
call Ted?
We're an hour from tip-off.
He's already at Teagle's house.
[birds chirping]
Well, what do you wanna do?
Fuck it. Let's go.
[suspenseful music]
[melodic doorbell chiming]
[door thuds]
[inhales, grunts]
[door thudding]
[Greg on TV] ...A.C. Green
and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
[Too $hort]
While these knuckleheads
broke into Sleepy's house
looking for his art collection,
his girlfriend, mother,
brother, sister,
and college friend
from Georgetown
were settling in for Game 4
over in East Oakland.
Tickets! Who needs tickets?
I got two seats
under the basket.
- [whistle toots]
- [crowd cheering]
[Too $hort]
To nobody's surprise,
the showtime Lakers dominated
the first three games
and showed no signs
of slowing down
early in this one.
Just as this legend
let go of this beautiful
skyhook over--
- [whistle toots]
- These porn star,
mustache-looking motherfuckers
were snatching up
his girl's jewelry.
By half-time,
eight different crews
were hitting up
eight players' homes
and I guess these cats
didn't get the memo not to fuck
- with Chris Mullin...
- [shatters]
...'cause they took
homeboy's shit too,
including his 1984
Olympic Gold Medal.
- [thuds]
- [dog barking]
And this piece of shit
right here
killed Terry Teagle's
regal beagle.
- [grunts]
- [dog yelps]
And these dudes finally found
Sleepy's secret vault.
I found it!
[Greg on radio] Michael Thompson
meets Kareem underneath,
Kareem with a skyhook!
Great shot by Kareem,
really nice pass.
[Too $hort] As expected,
the Lakers continued to roll
in the second half,
building a 14-point lead
after three quarters.
- [crowd cheering]
- About this time,
Sleepy's mom started feeling
a little queasy,
it wasn't serious, but...
I shouldn't have had
that second hot dog.
[Too $hort] You see,
Sleepy's mom
had recently experimented
with becoming a vegetarian.
In 1987, it proved difficult
to sustain the practice
in small town North Carolina.
She had just reintroduced
small doses of meat
into her diet.
And two Oakland-Alameda
County Coliseum hot dogs
- were perhaps one too many.
- It was good though.
[Too $hort] Sleepy's girlfriend,
Andrea Harris,
volunteered to escort
Sleepy's ill mother home.
With the underdogs down 14,
Sleepy's Georgetown roommate,
Kelvin Quick,
agreed to stay and return home
with Sleepy and his sister,
Renee, after the game.
What happened next
has been hotly debated
over the years,
but this is the tale
as I know it to be.
- [lightning cracking]
- [zings]
[drill screeching]
[indistinct commentary on radio]
[Greg] Oh, my God, guys!
Sleepy Floyd, he is on fire!
- [suspenseful music]
- [engine stops]
[Andrea] Do you still want me
to fix you some tea?
[Sleepy's Mom]
That'll be good.
What is that smell?
Smells like something's burning.
- [Andrea indistinct]
- [indistinct commentary]
[Andrea]
Why is the TV on so loud?
[Tim] Who the fuck are you?
[Travis]
Shut up and get on the floor!
- Get on the floor!
- [Andrea screaming]
- [women screaming]
- [gun firing]
- [Tuck] Fuck, man, we gotta go.
- [footsteps thudding]
[Greg] Welcome back
to the Coliseum,
where nothing
is what as it seems tonight.
Lakers with the basketball!
Throw by-- Stolen by Floyd!
He's in multiple places
at once!
Sleepy puts the ball
in the court...
[continues indistinctly]
...a layup. He scored!
[Jim] Unreal! He's unconscious!
[Greg] What a shot!
Sleepy has 19 in the quarter,
and I need to catch my breath!
[Jim] So do I, Greg.
[Greg] All I can say is,
Sleepy Floyd's mom somewhere
is mighty proud
of her son tonight.
[tense music]
[mellow upbeat music]
- [revving]
- [crowd cheering]
["Oakland" by Too $hort playing]
[Too $hort] Still high
on his record-breaking
fourth quarter,
a record that still stands
to this day,
Sleepy and his crew decided
to hit up Giant Burger
on MacArthur Boulevard.
They ordered six quarter-pound
giant burgers
and a veggie burger for Mom.
While they waited
for their order,
other customers
recognized Sleepy
and a minor riot ensued.
Fun fact,
I was there that night
with the Danger Zone ladies,
and I attempted to pay
for Sleepy's order,
but Sleepy wasn't having it.
Instead, he paid
for everybody's burgers
and shakes that night.
["Oakland" continues]
[siren wailing]
[siren wailing continues]
[car doors thudding]
[Sleepy] Hey, hey,
what happened? I live here.
Mr. Floyd, I'm very sorry.
We can't let you
in the house yet.
Why? Yo, what's going on,
is my family inside?
There was a burglary.
They attempted to drill
into your vault,
but it appears
they were interrupted
before they got in.
I'm very sorry to inform you...
[Too $hort]
His brother was shot,
but alive in a coma.
His mother was alive,
but fainted from the shock.
His girlfriend, Andrea, though,
- dead on the scene.
- [detective indistinct]
...Andrea didn't make it.
- [muffled tense music]
- [muffled chattering]
[over phone]
Hey, it's Chris Mullin.
They hit us all,
but nobody else got hurt.
Can I talk to Sleepy?
Hey, Chris,
appreciate the call, but he--
he's not ready
to talk to anybody.
[Chris] I understand.
Tell him we're all standing by.
We're here for him
whenever he's ready.
Thank you, Chris.
[receiver clacks]
[phone ringing]
Hey, we're all here
for you, man.
Just let me know
when you wanna talk.
[phone ringing]
- [receiver clacks]
- Hello.
[Tina] I need to talk
to Sleepy Floyd.
- Who is this?
- Never mind who I am,
just put him on the phone.
Look, I don't know who you are,
but we just had a tragedy here.
Okay? Sleepy's not talking
to anybody.
I promise you,
he'll wanna hear
what I have to say.
Hey, I already told you,
now is not a good time.
Call back later.
[receiver thuds]
- Who was that?
- Uh, some chick said
she has something
to tell Sleepy. I don't know.
[phone ringing]
- Hmm.
- [glass thuds]
[phone ringing]
[receiver clacks]
- Who's this?
- [Lucid] Is this Sleepy Floyd?
- Yeah.
- Okay, listen to me.
- I know who killed
your girlfriend.
- [tense music sting]
[Too $hort] Turns out,
these two punks overheard
some freaky shit
over in San Leandro
earlier that day.
We have one last job for you.
- The Warrior thing.
- [Clint] The Warrior thing?
The basketball guys.
Can't talk about it here.
[Too $hort] They told Sleepy
about "the basketball guys"
comment
and how they followed this dude
when he left the diner.
[Lucid] I mean, we were just
fucking around, you know,
killing time with some
Blue Velvet mystery-type shit.
We didn't really think anything
was gonna happen.
But then we heard the news,
and we thought
you might wanna know.
[Too $hort] So they gave him
the address,
where they followed him,
before they had
to hop off quick
and take care of some business
of their own.
- They're here!
- Shit, we gotta go.
- [horn honking]
- Sorry for your loss,
- Mr. Floyd.
- [line disconnects]
[receiver thuds softly]
Thank you both for being here.
I'm gonna go to sleep now.
[breathing deeply]
[sighs softly]
[keypad beeps, jingles]
[door clanks]
[door thuds]
[bell tolling]
["For Whom The Bell Tolls"
by Metallica playing]
[roaring raucously]
[button clicks]
[lightning cracking]
[crowd roaring raucously]
Whoo!
[roaring raucously]
[lights clicking off]
[motorcycle revving]
- [lighter flicks]
- [indistinct shouting]
[tires screech]
[engine roars]
- [sighs deeply]
- [lighter clicks]
What the fuck is this?
["For Whom The Bell Tolls"
continues]
You lost, boy?
Man asked you a question, son.
Now, I'm only gonna
say this once--
- [blade thuds]
- [Dawson groaning]
- [blade clinks]
- [gurgling]
[splatters]
[gurgling, thuds]
- [blade clinks, whooshes]
- [thuds]
[lighter clicking]
[blood splattering]
[thuds]
[whirring]
["For Whom The Bell Tolls"
continues]
[tattoo gun whirring]
[muffled shouting]
- [whirring]
- [men yelling]
- [blade clinks]
- [tattooist groans]
[thuds]
You fall asleep back there?
- [flesh squelching]
- [screams, groans]
[clinks, thuds]
["Choices (Yup)"
by E-40 playing]
- [thuds]
- [groans]
- [grunting]
- [groaning]
[biker] Hey,
who the fuck are you?
- [grunts]
- [groans] Fuck!
- [yells, groans]
- [thuds]
[plates clatter]
["Choices (Yup)" continues]
[sword whooshing]
[grunting]
[groans]
- [blade clinks]
- [grunts]
[grunting continues]
- [groans]
- [grunts]
- [groans]
- [effort grunting]
- [groans]
- [blood splatters]
- [blade thuds]
- [screams]
[muffled shouting]
Come on!
[blade zinging]
[dramatic melodic music]
[groaning]
- [grunts]
- [screams]
[grunts, exhales sharply]
- [sword clatters]
- [exhales sharply]
[indistinct shouting]
- [indistinct shouting]
- [grunting]
- [grunting]
- [groaning]
["Don't Stop The Music" playing]
- [grunting]
- [groaning]
[grunting, groaning]
[grunting, groaning continues]
[screaming]
[song stops]
[suspenseful music]
[blade clinks]
[blade clinks]
- [blade thuds]
- [dog yelps]
[roars]
[flesh squelching]
[grunts]
[blade thuds]
- [flesh squelching]
- [grunts]
[thuds]
[mouse squeaking]
[tense music]
[snake hissing]
- [mouse squeaking]
- [breathing deeply]
[chuckling]
Anyone else seeing this?
Son of a bitch, that is nice.
Life's funny sometimes.
You realize, if she'd just
stayed in her seat,
and watched her man play
the best fucking game
of his life, then...
that'd be mine.
And your old lady
would still be yours.
[mouse squeaking]
[chuckles]
[sword whooshing]
[thuds]
[thuds]
Hey.
Good game tonight.
Sir.
Floyd's out there
slicing people up with a sword.
Can you repeat that?
'Cause it sounded to me
like you said
someone's in my house
and they're slicing people up
with a sword?
Yes, sir, that's what I said.
We've got that cleared up, good.
- Who the fuck is Floyd?
- The basketball player,
Sleepy Floyd.
- Of course.
- I don't know how the fuck
he found us so fast.
Well, you killed
the man's family, Travis.
You know what that means,
don't you?
That means
you don't get to fucking decide
when he comes for his revenge!
You're on his timeline now.
Yeah?
[baby gurgling softly]
Is he still alive?
Tuck's crew busted him up
pretty good in the van.
Not for long.
[Travis] What about Floyd?
Did you think about just going
and shooting him?
Um, I dumped my piece
in the bay, sir,
just like you said.
And from a legal standpoint,
that was the right thing to do.
[cabinet thudding]
[baby cooing]
[The Guy] So...
- [gun clacks]
- Let's teach this clown
how to juggle.
Let's go.
[door clacks, creaks]
[intense ominous music]
- [axe thuds]
- [groaning]
- [thuds]
- [grunts]
[tense music]
[gun fires]
[door thuds, creaks]
Hey, asshole.
You ruined my party.
Now tell me something.
[squelching]
Did you do this all by yourself,
or do you have Dopey and Sneezy
hiding in a closet somewhere?
Huh?
Hey, Sleepy.
Wake up and die.
[ominous music sting]
[The Guy grunting]
- [The Guy groans]
- [gun thuds]
- [tense melodic music]
- [The Guy groans]
[groans, pants]
[The Guy groaning] No... God.
Oh, wait a second.
I don't understand, oh, oh!
- [bone crunching]
- [groaning loudly]
[intense melodic music]
- [The Guy groaning]
- [zings]
Argh!
[body parts thudding]
[coughs, groans softly]
- [baby gurgling softly]
- [soft tense music]
[baby cooing]
["The Order Of Death"
by Public Image Ltd playing]
[clinks]
["The Order Of Death" continues]
[brake squeaks]
Dad!
- Hey.
- [footsteps halt]
What happened here?
By the look of things,
I'd say your daddy fucked
with the wrong warrior.
["The Order Of Death" continues]
[Greg commentating indistinctly]
- Sleepy Floyd is Superman!
- [crowd cheering]
[motorcycle rumbling]
["The Order Of Death" continues]
[song fades]
[director] And... set.
[assistant] Background!
- [assistant 2] Marker.
- [clacks]
[director] Action!
Hi, I'm Sleepy Floyd.
I recently scored 29 points
in a single quarter
against the world champion,
Los Angeles Lakers,
an NBA record,
and not everyone
can do what I did.
After all, I am Superman.
[laughing]
But if you put your mind to it,
you can achieve your goals too.
Join me this weekend
at the Oakland Coliseum Annex
for Sleepy's Mind
Wide Awake seminar
sponsored by Psytopics
Learning Center.
At my workshop,
we'll teach you how to practice
mindfulness and relaxation
under stressful circumstances.
Licensed Psytopics instructors
will provide you the techniques
to go deep within your mind
to defend yourself
against the inner,
and outer demons in your life.
And for those attending
the advanced session on Sunday,
you'll learn how to infiltrate
and destroy your enemies
from the comfort
of your own mind.
Trust me,
you won't wanna miss Sunday.
So join me this weekend,
all ages are welcome.
And if you're a racist
Nazi scumbag,
you know who you are,
we have a special
one-time-only free admission,
because Sleepy's Mind
Wide Awake Seminar...
[all] ...will blow your mind!
["Underdog" by Sly
and the Family Stone playing]
I know how it feels to expect
to get a fair shake
But they won't
let you forget
That you're the underdog
And you've got to be
twice as good
Yeah, yeah
Even if you're never right
They get uptight
when you get too bright
Or you might start
thinking too much
- Yeah
- Yeah, yeah
I know how it feels
when you know you're real
But every other time
you get up and get a raw deal
- Yeah
- Yeah, yeah
Say I'm the underdog
No I can handle it
I'm the under
- Underdog
- [singer vocalizing]
- I'm the under, yeah
- Underdog
[singer vocalizing]
Underdog
[singer vocalizing]
Say, I know how it feels
to be played upon
See you at the party
But you're really,
you're really all alone
- They just
underestimate me
- Yeah, yeah
I know how it feels
when you're feelin' down
And you wanna
come up
But you realize
You're in the wrong
part of town
- Yeah
- Yeah, yeah
I know how it feels
to have to
go along with
People you don't
even know
Simply because
there happens
To be a whole lot
more of them
- Yeah
- Yeah, yeah
Say I'm
the underdog...
Late Night Video. Hey, Corky.
Of course, we have it,
Raiders of The Lost Ark,
I've got five copies.
Bring back the other one
and make sure you rewind it,
'cause I'm gonna charge you.
Yes, I am.
- Oh, [bleep] you too.
- [crew laughs]
["Underdog" continues]
["Underdog" fades]
What would it look like
What would it look like
What would it look like
if we were free from this
Free from late-night
bus rides that reek of piss
What would you do
to get up out of this shit
I'd run away
and I would never come back
- I'm thinking...
- What would it...
...be like without the setups
and letdowns
- Chin up but chest out
- To stand up but get down
We gotta stay ready
'cause they don't protect us
These motherfuckers
need to respect us
Here's the question
[all cheering]
What would it look like
What would it,
what would it
What would it look like
What would it,
what would it
What would that life
look like
What would that life
look like
- [cheering continues]
- What would it look like
What would it,
what would it
What it look like,
what it look like
Tell me what it look like
If we took flight,
if we took flight
Tell me what that look like
It would look like
we move like
The rules don't apply
Feelings validated
and our tears run dry
And when we speak the truth,
they don't need the proof
All the women
get a year's supply
'Til the end of our lives
We can't take in
what we're forced to do
If we got half the credit,
that of course would do
What would that look like
Shit, sis, what would that
look like to you
It would look like I wouldn't
have to fight so much
Ice cold looks I'm feeling
like I'm not so tough
But I'ma make it big
'cause my mind's made up
Baby girl,
you ain't gotta give up
- It looks like love
- It looks like peace
- It looks like you
- And it looks like me
We gonna show the world
what it look like
We gonna show the world
what it looks like
What would it look like
What would it,
what would it
What would it look like
What would it,
what would it
What would that life
look like
What would that life
look like
Tell me, what would that life
look like
What would it,
what would it look like
[lights clicking off]
[all cheering]
[mellow upbeat music]
[music fades]