Ghoulies II (1987) Movie Script
Moon's fuller than usual tonight.
Either it's full or it ain't, Ned.
A full moon cannot get any fuller.
You wanna be a magician, nephew,
then you got to pay attention to the moon.
You gotta pay attention to the truck.
It's overheating again.
This is Satan's Den
calling Aladdin's Harem. Over.
This is Aladdin's Harem, Satan's Den.
Dixie on the horn.
Want me to tell y'all
a bedtime story? Over.
I think the radiator's had it. We may
have to find a garage somewhere. Over.
Good luck. Just don't be late getting
to Greenville. Big day tomorrow. Over.
You're wrong, sweetheart.
It's a small day tomorrow when
the accountants take over the carnival.
A small day indeed.
Over and out.
Just keep an eye out
for an open garage, all right?
It's the fullest moon I've ever seen.
It's a magic moon, nephew.
A magic moon.
In there.
Try the door.
Damn.
Take a look around.
He's gotta be close somewhere.
Thank you, Lord.
By the Lord God Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
I denounce thee,
spawn of Satan, seed of the devil.
Almighty God, deliver us from
the devil-worshippers and Satanists
who have summoned these demons from
hell and loosed their evil on the world.
Hello! Anybody here?
Yo!
We could use some help.
Larry! Nephew!
They got any sealer in there?
Can't tell. Nobody's home.
We're gonna have to carry
some extra water with us.
I hope we make it to Greenville.
You better get some sleep, Unc.
- Are you with the carnival?
- Sir Nigel Pennyweight at your service.
I'm one of the denizens of Satan's Den.
Right over there. You see?
A den of death and transfiguration.
- And this is supposed to be scary, right?
- Indeed it is.
And yours truly
is the chief author of those terrors.
Do me a favor, Mr. Nigel.
- That's Sir Nigel.
- Sir Nigel, yes.
Tell everybody that Philip Hardin
would like to see them at the ten-in-one
in half an hour. Thanks.
Mr. Hardin, we've been expecting you.
"They know not how their wits to wear,
their manners are so apish."
Larry.
Larry.
Ned.
- He's here. He's here.
- Ssh. Ssh.
Tough night.
We had trouble with the truck.
He's bottled. You'd better get him up.
Hardin is here and he wants to see us all
in 20 minutes at the ten-in-one.
Uncle Ned.
Uncle Ned.
I'm just getting up.
Here, old boy. Coffee.
It's an evil drug, caffeine. Wakes you up.
I checked the lab and the tomb.
Place is almost ready.
Ready for what? Extinction?
When the accountant gets here, I might
just as well throw the switch on this thing.
Don't say that.
- Why not?
- Because he's here.
Well, then we must greet the bugger.
Hey. Glad to see you made it, son.
How's the rig?
- Can you fix a radiator leak?
- No, but I can do bodywork.
Ba-boom!
- Hey, Nicole.
- Hi.
After this is over,
you wanna go into town, check it out?
We're putting in a new number.
I've gotta rehearse.
Guess everybody's glitzing up their act.
I'm Philip Hardin. At present I'm head
of accounting at Hardin Enterprises.
- The company...
- The company? You mean your father.
The company has asked for an audit
of all Hardin Enterprises holdings,
including this carnival.
I have also been empowered
by the company
to address any debit or shortfall
with commensurate action.
What means "address debit"?
He means that if he thinks
in his ageless wisdom
your act isn't making enough money,
you have to hit the road.
He's absolutely correct.
Let's get down to the bottom line.
Attractions that do not show a profit by the
time we leave here will be closed down.
You can't just draw a bottom line
in the dirt and dare people to cross over it.
This carnival's our life, all our lives.
This carnival is a business,
and it'll be run like a business.
Thank you.
- A carnival runs on magic.
- A company runs on profit.
And the company owns this carnival.
Satan's Den's been losing money
for 16 months.
- Our money.
- You're dead space and that costs us.
You have until the end of the weekend.
Satan's Den's been
part of this outfit for 20 years.
I'm concerned with the future.
Pull your weight or get out of the way.
Come on, Uncle Ned.
We gotta set up the den.
Excuse me, Mr. Hardin, but this carnival
would be nothing without Satan's Den.
Well, it's practically nothing now,
Sir Nigel.
But there's always room
for you at the freak show.
I'm an actor, sir, not a freak.
I played the fool in King Lear
at the Old Vic.
Perhaps you could be useful
at the attraction we've contracted
to take the place of the spook house.
What attraction is that?
- Mud wrestling?
- Quite.
He plans to replace Satan's Den
with a ladies' mud-wrestling tent.
And he wanted me to be the referee.
I'm an actor, not a mudslinger.
We are not gonna be replaced.
We're gonna make money.
How do you expect to do that?
The new sophisticated carnival audience
doesn't seem to find our horrors
horrible enough any more.
We're gonna do what you said.
We're gonna give 'em real magic.
Of course. A little abracadabra
and up pop ghastly demons from hell.
That'll really scare people.
Not like Nigel, who wears a stifling suit
for six hours every night,
trying to frighten children
who laugh at beheadings
and the newest fashions in mutilations
every week at the local cinema.
We'll add a magic show
right after the torture chamber.
You can put up a spotlight and do
your old act. The Great Fausto Returns.
The Great Fausto
has been dead for over 20 years.
I shouldn't have
let your parents send you.
You can still do it.
You've been teaching me magic.
That's why I came,
to learn from the master.
The master? That's great.
He can do anything.
He can even make this bottle disappear.
- Patty, I need you for the late shift.
- I can't. I have a date. An old flame.
- You've got more flames than hell.
- This one gave me the little gold coin.
The sailor in Ohio gave you an anchor.
That putz in Texas gave you a boot.
You go to dinner, I don't see you for days.
You're already packed.
- So I'm popular.
- So you're fired if you don't show.
- You wouldn't!
- Try me.
Muffy. Muffy. Damn cat. Where are you?
- Hi, Patty. Where are you going?
- I'm leaving this dump.
- Have you seen my little Muffy?
- Who hasn't?
- I mean my kitten, musclehead.
- I think I saw him by Satan's Den.
Muffy! Muffy!
Muffy.
Muffy.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Muffy.
Muffy.
Muffy, are you in there?
Muffy, you silly little thing.
Where are you?
Muffy.
Muffy. I know you're in here.
Muffy, come on.
Come on, I have Mr. Mouse.
Muffy.
Muffy.
Muffy, are you in there?
Muffy, come on out.
Muffy.
There. Real magic.
Come forth, all ye imps and sprites
and demons of the spirit world.
The Great Fausto commands you.
I don't need any demons.
I got my own private ones.
Now... the Great fucking Fausto
will perform
one of the worst goddamn tricks
in the history of phony baloney magic.
He will pull a rabbit out of his hat.
Oh, my God!
I've got the DTs.
I'm seeing things.
I'm hearing things.
Imps?
Demons?
It worked.
The incantations. They worked!
The magic. It works!
I called you up. Me, the Great Fausto.
I command you to do my bidding.
Stay right there.
Don't move.
Nephew! Come here for a minute.
Larry! Nigel!
You've got to see this.
"I am better than thou art."
"I am a fool. Thou art nothing."
Larry! Nigel! Where are you?
"The sweet and bitter fool
will presently appear."
Nigel! Larry!
Nigel, there you are.
I've done it! I've done it, man!
Done what? Got stinking drunk
before the show again?
- You have my congratulations.
- I performed magic. Real magic.
Oh, really? Did you make
Philip Hardin disappear?
Come on.
- Come on. I'm gonna show you.
- Hold on, old man.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
In the trunk. In the trunk.
What do you think of that?
- Think of what?
- In the trunk. In the trunk.
No, no.
- No!
- What's wrong?
No! They were real.
I know they were real.
What? Who?
The demons.
I made an incantation. An incantation.
And they appeared. Little demons.
Dammit, Ned! They're gonna close us
down and you're so drunk you can't see.
- Larry...
- Who's gonna be the barker?
Nigel and I gotta work the gags.
What good are you?
He's sick. Can't you see that?
He needs help.
They were real.
Honest, Larry. They were real.
Remember, ladies,
you all take tips by hand.
We're almost ready.
Miss Nicole La Fevre?
It's pronounced La Fay.
I wonder if I might talk to you
for a moment.
We're on in just a few minutes.
Then perhaps after the performance?
I have a few questions I'd like to ask.
I have five shows tonight.
I believe it's important for us to discuss
your future with this organization.
After your last show, then?
- I'll be here.
- Thanks.
Ladies.
They don't call him
Hardin for nothing, honey.
Hey, guys!
You guys, you like?
They walk, they talk,
they crawl on their bellies like...
Reptiles.
Reptiles!
Yes, folks. The most gorgeous reptiles
in the whole world.
They sway, they undulate.
They are irresistible.
And they'll be dancing inside
in five minutes.
Yes, folks.
The show starts in five minutes.
And it all goes on inside.
Ladies and gentlemen,
behold the open gate to hell.
You never know what to expect
on the inside. Get your tickets now.
- Is it really scary, mister?
- I bet it's not. I bet it's stupid.
If the demons don't get you,
you'll be all right.
My ass.
- You have to leave your radio outside.
- The hell I do.
- He don't go nowhere without his tunes.
- Shut up, Merle.
You can take it inside,
but you'll have to turn it down.
You're ruining other people's enjoyment.
Enjoyment. We're gonna enjoy ourselves.
Oh, wow! Look at that!
Whoa, look at the bat.
It's just stupid plastic.
Hey, look at that.
Don't go up there.
You're gonna get us in trouble.
Will you give me a break?
- Cheap piece of shit.
- We better get outta here.
- This place sucks.
- Let's see the rest of it.
Come on.
Don't tickle me. Don't.
Good evening, friends.
Hey, lover boy.
- Hey. Where's Merle?
- You know Merle. He's lost.
- Let's ditch Merle.
- Yeah.
- Never see him again.
- All right!
Baby!
Bobby?
Teddy?
Guys?
- Welcome, friend.
- Goddamn fucking Dracula. Bobby!
Oh, brother.
Water, please.
Crude.
- But it's a good guillotine.
- Yeah, it's OK.
Hey, Eddie, what's that?
- It's a rat, stupid.
- It looks real.
- Let's see.
- Wait, Eddie.
- It could have rabies or something.
- Don't be such a dork, Leo.
Oh, man!
We better get outta here.
You're dead rat meat.
Holy shit!
- Did you see that?
- This place is better than Epcot Center.
- Come on. Let's go and get the guys.
- Yeah, we gotta show the guys.
Ow!
- Torture chamber.
- Hurt me!
Let's party!
Are you ready for some rock and roll?
- What the hell was that?
- It looked like a bat or something.
- Bobby!
- Goddammit!
No!
- What's going on?
- It broke my tunes.
- What?
- I don't know what the fuck it was.
- Bobby, let's go. Please!
- Oh, God.
OK, babe. We're going.
Hey, man, bring my tunes.
Goddammit!
- Yeah, sure.
- I think we'd better go with 'em.
It's just a cat.
Don't worry about it.
Then the rat caught the star in its mouth
and started to chew on it.
- And then it spit this goo all over me.
- No kidding. I love that stuff.
- Sounds terrific.
- Let's go and get some more tickets.
Hi. OK, all right.
Hold on.
I'm gonna sue their ass.
This place is dangerous.
Bobby? Teddy?
Where the hell are you guys?
Dude!
Your tunes.
Come on, guys.
Stop fooling around.
Aagh!
Let me go!
Aagh!
Hey! Whatever you are, let me go!
I'll kick your ass, fuzzball!
Bobby!
That was great, huh?
Looks like you're having a good night.
An excellent night.
I'd like to see the receipts after you close.
I'm staying in Mr. Pennyweight's trailer.
- You'll like it. It's very cozy.
- What caused the turnaround?
Magic.
- We wanna see the rats, man.
- I wanna see the bats.
- Over here.
- Let's go.
Bats? Rats?
Well, you're welcome to them. Philistines!
There he is.
- Come on, guys.
- Here they are.
Lookit. See? Look,
they're all over the place.
They're really neat.
It's great.
- Terrific.
- Isn't that clever?
It must be remote control.
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Yeah!
You're a fascinating woman,
Miss La Fay.
Look, the only thing I want is to make
enough money to leave this carnival.
Sorry to hear that. Ray thinks
you have potential as a specialty act.
I don't think so.
Shame. It's gonna be difficult to make
that kind of money without unique talent.
Sorry. My talents are strictly ordinary.
You're too modest. Walking on a cable
50 feet up without a net is extraordinary.
How did you find out about that?
When we bought out Kelsey's Carnival,
we acquired a wire-walking act.
The Fabulous La Fays.
Would you care to step inside
and talk about it?
That's Sir Nigel's trailer.
Yeah, he was kind enough to let me use it
during my stay here.
After you, Mr. Hardin.
You think you can fit
in that bed, Mr. Hardin?
Have a seat, Miss La Fay.
Oh, lordy, lordy!
They were real.
I'll show 'em.
No.
You can stay with us tonight, Nigel.
Why, thank you, Lawrence.
I wonder how our visitor's doing
in the executive suite.
I imagine he finds it a trifle... Lilliputian.
Oh, yes.
A wee bit wee.
A little bit little.
A tiny bit tiny.
Yes. A wee bit wee.
A tiny bit tiny. I like that, yes.
Nicole, it's been a pleasure.
Nice talking to you.
- Good night.
- Good night.
There you go, Mr. Hardin.
One night's receipts.
It's impressive, but uncharacteristic.
Our records show Satan's Den's
never made this in a weekend,
much less a single night.
I'll reserve judgment
till I see more figures.
- You've already made up your mind.
- I never close my mind to profit.
That's bad business.
What seems to be the problem, Officer?
Their friend never came out
of Satan's Den.
And we were attacked
by some big-ass bat.
Our friends got caught up
in this gooey sticky shit.
- And my tunes are still in there.
- I don't know about your friends or tunes.
Easy, boy. I know these kids.
I don't know you.
Officer, I'm sure
we can clear up this situation.
I'm gonna shut your ass down.
Oh, God.
Don't let this be real.
It is real.
And I'm responsible.
I called you up.
You must obey my bidding.
I command you...
go back to the hell that spawned you!
The book...
I need the book.
All right.
I've assured the officer that nothing
out of the ordinary has happened here.
If that young man or the radio turns up,
we'll notify the police immediately.
- Sure there's nobody in there?
- Nobody at all.
Then how did that happen? Magic?
"Divination by genies."
"Expulsion of demons
through demonic intercession."
Expulsion.
That's gotta be it.
Let go, you little bastard!
"Make a pentagram...
on the floor."
"Gigantus...
daemonium...
exhoritor."
I'm a magician, you sons of bitches!
You can't kill me!
"Gigantus daemonium...
exhoritor."
"Commodestrum daemonium..."
There's another switch in the back.
Maybe my uncle turned it on.
- Everybody stay close.
- What the hell is going on here?
I don't know. Ned!
If that old drunk causes any trouble
for this carnival...
- That's what shorted out the lights.
- But what turned them on?
- Ned!
- Hold it! Kirby, find that other switch.
- I'll get an ambulance.
- He's dead, boy.
Oh, Ned!
- Jesus.
- Don't touch anything.
There'll have to be an inquiry.
I'm afraid it's obvious
what's happened here.
That's Ned Prentiss.
Everyone at the carnival will tell you
that Ned had a drinking problem.
He was obviously drunk and stumbling
around and had a tragic accident.
Here you go, Lawrence.
I brought you some coffee.
Damn thing hasn't been tuned in ages.
No wonder we're the last rig at every stop.
Lawrence...
Larry, listen. I'm gonna miss him too.
He was a fine man and a trooper.
Don't let this place do to you
what it did to him.
- Did you clean up yet?
- No.
I have no intention
of doing any such thing.
Why don't you let it rest?
At least for today.
That's great! And what are you
gonna do when Hardin fires us?
How many openings are there
for second-rate hobgoblins?
Are you a member
of the dwarfs' union or what?
"And they for sudden joy did weep
and I for sorrow sung."
Your coffee's getting cold.
Shit!
Damn piece of rubbish!
Blood.
Oh, my God!
You are real.
And you're everywhere.
Keep away from me!
Keep away!
- What the hell's going on?
- You buy a ticket just like everybody else.
- When the carnival opens.
- I run this attraction.
Not according
to the Greenville circuit court.
I've been thinking about this all day, and
I'll sell if you keep Nigel as part-owner.
He needs the bread and the gig.
I've been thinking about it too.
I don't think this company
needs either of you.
Ned was right.
All you think about is your bottom line.
You've got until opening time
to get off the lot.
What about Nigel?
Sir Nigel can have his trailer back.
Oh, but if you see him,
please tell him we put a lien on his car.
Hey!
Hi.
- This little hook is supposed to hold this.
- Where the hell is Patty?
That broad's gonna be the death of me.
Nigel, what are you doing?
Are they still out there?
Did you see them? They're everywhere.
- What? What's the matter?
- Things.
Living things, like demons.
They're after me.
What is this,
another scene from Shakespeare?
They were here. I saw them.
Look.
I found this. That's Patty's bracelet.
That's blood, Larry.
I think they must have
done something to her.
Patty ran off with some guy from town.
I know what I saw. There were demons.
Listen to me. There is no such thing.
Tell him.
No, don't. They're vicious monsters.
How many?
Four, five, fifty. Who knows?
Look at its teeth.
Remember the bites on Ned's neck?
My God.
I'm gonna kill him.
Get off of me!
- Larry?
- Get off of me!
Help!
Come on! Come on, everybody!
You've never seen a sight like it.
- Where are you going?
- My friend's in there.
- You've still gotta have a ticket.
- No.
There's demons in there!
They're attacking Larry! There's demons!
Demons, huh? Look, man,
you seen my friend Merle in there?
No, I don't know.
Please, you must help him.
- I beg your pardon. Please put me down.
- You little twerp.
Please! Please, listen!
Somebody, please, help him!
There's trouble at the den.
Better get over there.
They undulate...
Ray, there's trouble in the den.
Get your piece.
- Dixie, run the show till I get back.
- Larry, what is it?
- Just stay here. We can handle it.
- I'm coming with you.
If they need us, they'll call.
- It's the den. Real trouble.
- You need me, Larry?
- I hope not.
- Wait. Take this.
You must stop selling tickets.
People could be killed.
Get lost.
Stop! Sorry, folks. Satan's Den is closed.
- Says who?
- Says this.
This attraction is open for business.
Prentiss, you're trespassing.
The rest of you, get back to work.
Larry said there is trouble at the den.
When he say no more trouble, we go.
There's a serious problem.
There are people in danger in there.
If he takes one step
toward that entrance, shoot him.
- Then shoot me.
- Stop right there!
Prentiss!
- What the hell is the matter with you?
- What do you want me to do, shoot a kid?
You're fired!
Help me! They're gonna kill me!
Help me! They're not kidding! Come on!
Get me outta here! Help!
Help me, you little kids!
Help me! Will you get me outta here,
you fucking little kids?
Oh, no.
- Demons.
- No, rats.
They're monkeys.
Get those kids outta here!
Come on, kids. Move! Get out!
Come on! Move! Come on!
Get out! Get out! Come on!
Help me!
I'll get you out. Hold it. Hold it.
Hurry up, man!
- Go on!
- Get outta here!
OK, you mangy bastards, come on!
No wonder you did such a great business.
- Where'd you get 'em?
- From hell.
- That's very funny.
- These things have gotta be wiped out.
- No way.
- They've killed people.
I'm not responsible. Legally,
I don't see what you've got against...
Jesus, God in heaven. It's Patty.
- They're getting away.
- Close the carnival before they kill again.
$1,000 to any man
who brings me one alive.
You son of a bitch!
- What is that?
- A demon. There's a bunch of them loose.
- What?
- They're real.
- What happened to your hand?
- I burnt it trying to kill 'em off.
Get outta there, wimp.
Just a minute, sir. Forgot your glove.
- I don't need no glove.
- That's the rules.
Hey!
Hey!
- Choose your prize, champ.
- Which one, sugar?
This one.
Aw.
Looks just like you.
Baby, baby.
You couldn't hit the bar with a bazooka.
Move on, loser.
Let some other guy have a chance.
If we didn't give you the balls,
you wouldn't have any.
Ah! Aagh!
Aagh! Aagh!
Aagh!
Aagh!
- The trick is not to look down...
- Mike, look.
Larry, listen.
We've tried everything -
guns, knives, clubs.
Nothing seems to work.
Why don't we try magic?
- Nigel!
- No, I'm serious.
It came from something
supernatural, right?
- Why don't we fight fire with fire?
- Maybe you're onto something. Come on.
- What are you looking for?
- The grimoire Ned had in his hand.
I know I put it back in this trunk.
- Here it is.
- What is it?
- A book of magic spells and incantations.
- This is crazy.
I know it is, but it's our only chance.
Ned's blood.
This is it.
Come on.
I'm gonna kill
the owner of this place!
I'll sue the son of a bitch, then I'll kill him.
It's not your fault.
You had nothing to do with it.
"Expuls..."
"Expulsion of demons
through demonic intercession."
This better work.
"Make a pentagram on the floor."
- What's a pentagram?
- It's one of these.
"Gig..." This looks like Latin.
This is your territory.
"Gigantus daemonium...
exhoritor."
"Commodest..."
- I gotta get that book back.
- You'll never make it with your hand.
- I could do it.
- Thanks, Nigel.
I'm going up there.
- Nicole.
- I'll be OK.
- Nicole, are you all right?
- I'm OK!
Nicole!
Here it is. "Gigantus daemonium..."
"Gigantus daemonium exhoritor."
"Commodestrum daemonium...
erunt."
It worked. It worked.
Real magic.
Oh, my God.
I hope that was the right spell.
He swallowed that thing whole.
He's got an appetite,
but how do we get rid of him?
I'm working on it.
- Speed is of the essence.
- I know it is. I'm doing the best I can.
Look out! The behemoth returns.
Shit!
Hold on, old boy. I'm just bone and gristle.
Help me out.
He's still hungry. I'm doomed!
- That's a rare Burgundy.
- Get me some kerosene.
- What are you doing?
- Molotov cocktail. Watch.
- Here's the wick.
- You've already tried fire.
They're tough on the outside,
but maybe they're soft on the inside.
All we need is a little appetizing ghoulie.
Hold this. Help me out.
Open the door when I tell you.
Now.
If you ask me, it was those teenagers
playing that heavy metal devil music.
Yeah, sure.
- You sure it's OK if I just leave?
- There ain't nothing else to tell the law.
You better get going.
Larry's waitin' for ya.
Maybe it's time that you moved along, too.
Babe, I can't do nothin' else
but sling these old bones around.
I might as well stay here
with all my friends.
I'll miss you. Thanks for everything.
Now scoot, kid.
Your carriage awaits, madame.
I'll never forget you.
- Take good care of the den.
- I'll do Ned proud.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow that I..."
Oh, the hell with it. Good luck, you two.
Either it's full or it ain't, Ned.
A full moon cannot get any fuller.
You wanna be a magician, nephew,
then you got to pay attention to the moon.
You gotta pay attention to the truck.
It's overheating again.
This is Satan's Den
calling Aladdin's Harem. Over.
This is Aladdin's Harem, Satan's Den.
Dixie on the horn.
Want me to tell y'all
a bedtime story? Over.
I think the radiator's had it. We may
have to find a garage somewhere. Over.
Good luck. Just don't be late getting
to Greenville. Big day tomorrow. Over.
You're wrong, sweetheart.
It's a small day tomorrow when
the accountants take over the carnival.
A small day indeed.
Over and out.
Just keep an eye out
for an open garage, all right?
It's the fullest moon I've ever seen.
It's a magic moon, nephew.
A magic moon.
In there.
Try the door.
Damn.
Take a look around.
He's gotta be close somewhere.
Thank you, Lord.
By the Lord God Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
I denounce thee,
spawn of Satan, seed of the devil.
Almighty God, deliver us from
the devil-worshippers and Satanists
who have summoned these demons from
hell and loosed their evil on the world.
Hello! Anybody here?
Yo!
We could use some help.
Larry! Nephew!
They got any sealer in there?
Can't tell. Nobody's home.
We're gonna have to carry
some extra water with us.
I hope we make it to Greenville.
You better get some sleep, Unc.
- Are you with the carnival?
- Sir Nigel Pennyweight at your service.
I'm one of the denizens of Satan's Den.
Right over there. You see?
A den of death and transfiguration.
- And this is supposed to be scary, right?
- Indeed it is.
And yours truly
is the chief author of those terrors.
Do me a favor, Mr. Nigel.
- That's Sir Nigel.
- Sir Nigel, yes.
Tell everybody that Philip Hardin
would like to see them at the ten-in-one
in half an hour. Thanks.
Mr. Hardin, we've been expecting you.
"They know not how their wits to wear,
their manners are so apish."
Larry.
Larry.
Ned.
- He's here. He's here.
- Ssh. Ssh.
Tough night.
We had trouble with the truck.
He's bottled. You'd better get him up.
Hardin is here and he wants to see us all
in 20 minutes at the ten-in-one.
Uncle Ned.
Uncle Ned.
I'm just getting up.
Here, old boy. Coffee.
It's an evil drug, caffeine. Wakes you up.
I checked the lab and the tomb.
Place is almost ready.
Ready for what? Extinction?
When the accountant gets here, I might
just as well throw the switch on this thing.
Don't say that.
- Why not?
- Because he's here.
Well, then we must greet the bugger.
Hey. Glad to see you made it, son.
How's the rig?
- Can you fix a radiator leak?
- No, but I can do bodywork.
Ba-boom!
- Hey, Nicole.
- Hi.
After this is over,
you wanna go into town, check it out?
We're putting in a new number.
I've gotta rehearse.
Guess everybody's glitzing up their act.
I'm Philip Hardin. At present I'm head
of accounting at Hardin Enterprises.
- The company...
- The company? You mean your father.
The company has asked for an audit
of all Hardin Enterprises holdings,
including this carnival.
I have also been empowered
by the company
to address any debit or shortfall
with commensurate action.
What means "address debit"?
He means that if he thinks
in his ageless wisdom
your act isn't making enough money,
you have to hit the road.
He's absolutely correct.
Let's get down to the bottom line.
Attractions that do not show a profit by the
time we leave here will be closed down.
You can't just draw a bottom line
in the dirt and dare people to cross over it.
This carnival's our life, all our lives.
This carnival is a business,
and it'll be run like a business.
Thank you.
- A carnival runs on magic.
- A company runs on profit.
And the company owns this carnival.
Satan's Den's been losing money
for 16 months.
- Our money.
- You're dead space and that costs us.
You have until the end of the weekend.
Satan's Den's been
part of this outfit for 20 years.
I'm concerned with the future.
Pull your weight or get out of the way.
Come on, Uncle Ned.
We gotta set up the den.
Excuse me, Mr. Hardin, but this carnival
would be nothing without Satan's Den.
Well, it's practically nothing now,
Sir Nigel.
But there's always room
for you at the freak show.
I'm an actor, sir, not a freak.
I played the fool in King Lear
at the Old Vic.
Perhaps you could be useful
at the attraction we've contracted
to take the place of the spook house.
What attraction is that?
- Mud wrestling?
- Quite.
He plans to replace Satan's Den
with a ladies' mud-wrestling tent.
And he wanted me to be the referee.
I'm an actor, not a mudslinger.
We are not gonna be replaced.
We're gonna make money.
How do you expect to do that?
The new sophisticated carnival audience
doesn't seem to find our horrors
horrible enough any more.
We're gonna do what you said.
We're gonna give 'em real magic.
Of course. A little abracadabra
and up pop ghastly demons from hell.
That'll really scare people.
Not like Nigel, who wears a stifling suit
for six hours every night,
trying to frighten children
who laugh at beheadings
and the newest fashions in mutilations
every week at the local cinema.
We'll add a magic show
right after the torture chamber.
You can put up a spotlight and do
your old act. The Great Fausto Returns.
The Great Fausto
has been dead for over 20 years.
I shouldn't have
let your parents send you.
You can still do it.
You've been teaching me magic.
That's why I came,
to learn from the master.
The master? That's great.
He can do anything.
He can even make this bottle disappear.
- Patty, I need you for the late shift.
- I can't. I have a date. An old flame.
- You've got more flames than hell.
- This one gave me the little gold coin.
The sailor in Ohio gave you an anchor.
That putz in Texas gave you a boot.
You go to dinner, I don't see you for days.
You're already packed.
- So I'm popular.
- So you're fired if you don't show.
- You wouldn't!
- Try me.
Muffy. Muffy. Damn cat. Where are you?
- Hi, Patty. Where are you going?
- I'm leaving this dump.
- Have you seen my little Muffy?
- Who hasn't?
- I mean my kitten, musclehead.
- I think I saw him by Satan's Den.
Muffy! Muffy!
Muffy.
Muffy.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Muffy.
Muffy.
Muffy, are you in there?
Muffy, you silly little thing.
Where are you?
Muffy.
Muffy. I know you're in here.
Muffy, come on.
Come on, I have Mr. Mouse.
Muffy.
Muffy.
Muffy, are you in there?
Muffy, come on out.
Muffy.
There. Real magic.
Come forth, all ye imps and sprites
and demons of the spirit world.
The Great Fausto commands you.
I don't need any demons.
I got my own private ones.
Now... the Great fucking Fausto
will perform
one of the worst goddamn tricks
in the history of phony baloney magic.
He will pull a rabbit out of his hat.
Oh, my God!
I've got the DTs.
I'm seeing things.
I'm hearing things.
Imps?
Demons?
It worked.
The incantations. They worked!
The magic. It works!
I called you up. Me, the Great Fausto.
I command you to do my bidding.
Stay right there.
Don't move.
Nephew! Come here for a minute.
Larry! Nigel!
You've got to see this.
"I am better than thou art."
"I am a fool. Thou art nothing."
Larry! Nigel! Where are you?
"The sweet and bitter fool
will presently appear."
Nigel! Larry!
Nigel, there you are.
I've done it! I've done it, man!
Done what? Got stinking drunk
before the show again?
- You have my congratulations.
- I performed magic. Real magic.
Oh, really? Did you make
Philip Hardin disappear?
Come on.
- Come on. I'm gonna show you.
- Hold on, old man.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on.
In the trunk. In the trunk.
What do you think of that?
- Think of what?
- In the trunk. In the trunk.
No, no.
- No!
- What's wrong?
No! They were real.
I know they were real.
What? Who?
The demons.
I made an incantation. An incantation.
And they appeared. Little demons.
Dammit, Ned! They're gonna close us
down and you're so drunk you can't see.
- Larry...
- Who's gonna be the barker?
Nigel and I gotta work the gags.
What good are you?
He's sick. Can't you see that?
He needs help.
They were real.
Honest, Larry. They were real.
Remember, ladies,
you all take tips by hand.
We're almost ready.
Miss Nicole La Fevre?
It's pronounced La Fay.
I wonder if I might talk to you
for a moment.
We're on in just a few minutes.
Then perhaps after the performance?
I have a few questions I'd like to ask.
I have five shows tonight.
I believe it's important for us to discuss
your future with this organization.
After your last show, then?
- I'll be here.
- Thanks.
Ladies.
They don't call him
Hardin for nothing, honey.
Hey, guys!
You guys, you like?
They walk, they talk,
they crawl on their bellies like...
Reptiles.
Reptiles!
Yes, folks. The most gorgeous reptiles
in the whole world.
They sway, they undulate.
They are irresistible.
And they'll be dancing inside
in five minutes.
Yes, folks.
The show starts in five minutes.
And it all goes on inside.
Ladies and gentlemen,
behold the open gate to hell.
You never know what to expect
on the inside. Get your tickets now.
- Is it really scary, mister?
- I bet it's not. I bet it's stupid.
If the demons don't get you,
you'll be all right.
My ass.
- You have to leave your radio outside.
- The hell I do.
- He don't go nowhere without his tunes.
- Shut up, Merle.
You can take it inside,
but you'll have to turn it down.
You're ruining other people's enjoyment.
Enjoyment. We're gonna enjoy ourselves.
Oh, wow! Look at that!
Whoa, look at the bat.
It's just stupid plastic.
Hey, look at that.
Don't go up there.
You're gonna get us in trouble.
Will you give me a break?
- Cheap piece of shit.
- We better get outta here.
- This place sucks.
- Let's see the rest of it.
Come on.
Don't tickle me. Don't.
Good evening, friends.
Hey, lover boy.
- Hey. Where's Merle?
- You know Merle. He's lost.
- Let's ditch Merle.
- Yeah.
- Never see him again.
- All right!
Baby!
Bobby?
Teddy?
Guys?
- Welcome, friend.
- Goddamn fucking Dracula. Bobby!
Oh, brother.
Water, please.
Crude.
- But it's a good guillotine.
- Yeah, it's OK.
Hey, Eddie, what's that?
- It's a rat, stupid.
- It looks real.
- Let's see.
- Wait, Eddie.
- It could have rabies or something.
- Don't be such a dork, Leo.
Oh, man!
We better get outta here.
You're dead rat meat.
Holy shit!
- Did you see that?
- This place is better than Epcot Center.
- Come on. Let's go and get the guys.
- Yeah, we gotta show the guys.
Ow!
- Torture chamber.
- Hurt me!
Let's party!
Are you ready for some rock and roll?
- What the hell was that?
- It looked like a bat or something.
- Bobby!
- Goddammit!
No!
- What's going on?
- It broke my tunes.
- What?
- I don't know what the fuck it was.
- Bobby, let's go. Please!
- Oh, God.
OK, babe. We're going.
Hey, man, bring my tunes.
Goddammit!
- Yeah, sure.
- I think we'd better go with 'em.
It's just a cat.
Don't worry about it.
Then the rat caught the star in its mouth
and started to chew on it.
- And then it spit this goo all over me.
- No kidding. I love that stuff.
- Sounds terrific.
- Let's go and get some more tickets.
Hi. OK, all right.
Hold on.
I'm gonna sue their ass.
This place is dangerous.
Bobby? Teddy?
Where the hell are you guys?
Dude!
Your tunes.
Come on, guys.
Stop fooling around.
Aagh!
Let me go!
Aagh!
Hey! Whatever you are, let me go!
I'll kick your ass, fuzzball!
Bobby!
That was great, huh?
Looks like you're having a good night.
An excellent night.
I'd like to see the receipts after you close.
I'm staying in Mr. Pennyweight's trailer.
- You'll like it. It's very cozy.
- What caused the turnaround?
Magic.
- We wanna see the rats, man.
- I wanna see the bats.
- Over here.
- Let's go.
Bats? Rats?
Well, you're welcome to them. Philistines!
There he is.
- Come on, guys.
- Here they are.
Lookit. See? Look,
they're all over the place.
They're really neat.
It's great.
- Terrific.
- Isn't that clever?
It must be remote control.
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!
Rats! Rats! Yeah!
You're a fascinating woman,
Miss La Fay.
Look, the only thing I want is to make
enough money to leave this carnival.
Sorry to hear that. Ray thinks
you have potential as a specialty act.
I don't think so.
Shame. It's gonna be difficult to make
that kind of money without unique talent.
Sorry. My talents are strictly ordinary.
You're too modest. Walking on a cable
50 feet up without a net is extraordinary.
How did you find out about that?
When we bought out Kelsey's Carnival,
we acquired a wire-walking act.
The Fabulous La Fays.
Would you care to step inside
and talk about it?
That's Sir Nigel's trailer.
Yeah, he was kind enough to let me use it
during my stay here.
After you, Mr. Hardin.
You think you can fit
in that bed, Mr. Hardin?
Have a seat, Miss La Fay.
Oh, lordy, lordy!
They were real.
I'll show 'em.
No.
You can stay with us tonight, Nigel.
Why, thank you, Lawrence.
I wonder how our visitor's doing
in the executive suite.
I imagine he finds it a trifle... Lilliputian.
Oh, yes.
A wee bit wee.
A little bit little.
A tiny bit tiny.
Yes. A wee bit wee.
A tiny bit tiny. I like that, yes.
Nicole, it's been a pleasure.
Nice talking to you.
- Good night.
- Good night.
There you go, Mr. Hardin.
One night's receipts.
It's impressive, but uncharacteristic.
Our records show Satan's Den's
never made this in a weekend,
much less a single night.
I'll reserve judgment
till I see more figures.
- You've already made up your mind.
- I never close my mind to profit.
That's bad business.
What seems to be the problem, Officer?
Their friend never came out
of Satan's Den.
And we were attacked
by some big-ass bat.
Our friends got caught up
in this gooey sticky shit.
- And my tunes are still in there.
- I don't know about your friends or tunes.
Easy, boy. I know these kids.
I don't know you.
Officer, I'm sure
we can clear up this situation.
I'm gonna shut your ass down.
Oh, God.
Don't let this be real.
It is real.
And I'm responsible.
I called you up.
You must obey my bidding.
I command you...
go back to the hell that spawned you!
The book...
I need the book.
All right.
I've assured the officer that nothing
out of the ordinary has happened here.
If that young man or the radio turns up,
we'll notify the police immediately.
- Sure there's nobody in there?
- Nobody at all.
Then how did that happen? Magic?
"Divination by genies."
"Expulsion of demons
through demonic intercession."
Expulsion.
That's gotta be it.
Let go, you little bastard!
"Make a pentagram...
on the floor."
"Gigantus...
daemonium...
exhoritor."
I'm a magician, you sons of bitches!
You can't kill me!
"Gigantus daemonium...
exhoritor."
"Commodestrum daemonium..."
There's another switch in the back.
Maybe my uncle turned it on.
- Everybody stay close.
- What the hell is going on here?
I don't know. Ned!
If that old drunk causes any trouble
for this carnival...
- That's what shorted out the lights.
- But what turned them on?
- Ned!
- Hold it! Kirby, find that other switch.
- I'll get an ambulance.
- He's dead, boy.
Oh, Ned!
- Jesus.
- Don't touch anything.
There'll have to be an inquiry.
I'm afraid it's obvious
what's happened here.
That's Ned Prentiss.
Everyone at the carnival will tell you
that Ned had a drinking problem.
He was obviously drunk and stumbling
around and had a tragic accident.
Here you go, Lawrence.
I brought you some coffee.
Damn thing hasn't been tuned in ages.
No wonder we're the last rig at every stop.
Lawrence...
Larry, listen. I'm gonna miss him too.
He was a fine man and a trooper.
Don't let this place do to you
what it did to him.
- Did you clean up yet?
- No.
I have no intention
of doing any such thing.
Why don't you let it rest?
At least for today.
That's great! And what are you
gonna do when Hardin fires us?
How many openings are there
for second-rate hobgoblins?
Are you a member
of the dwarfs' union or what?
"And they for sudden joy did weep
and I for sorrow sung."
Your coffee's getting cold.
Shit!
Damn piece of rubbish!
Blood.
Oh, my God!
You are real.
And you're everywhere.
Keep away from me!
Keep away!
- What the hell's going on?
- You buy a ticket just like everybody else.
- When the carnival opens.
- I run this attraction.
Not according
to the Greenville circuit court.
I've been thinking about this all day, and
I'll sell if you keep Nigel as part-owner.
He needs the bread and the gig.
I've been thinking about it too.
I don't think this company
needs either of you.
Ned was right.
All you think about is your bottom line.
You've got until opening time
to get off the lot.
What about Nigel?
Sir Nigel can have his trailer back.
Oh, but if you see him,
please tell him we put a lien on his car.
Hey!
Hi.
- This little hook is supposed to hold this.
- Where the hell is Patty?
That broad's gonna be the death of me.
Nigel, what are you doing?
Are they still out there?
Did you see them? They're everywhere.
- What? What's the matter?
- Things.
Living things, like demons.
They're after me.
What is this,
another scene from Shakespeare?
They were here. I saw them.
Look.
I found this. That's Patty's bracelet.
That's blood, Larry.
I think they must have
done something to her.
Patty ran off with some guy from town.
I know what I saw. There were demons.
Listen to me. There is no such thing.
Tell him.
No, don't. They're vicious monsters.
How many?
Four, five, fifty. Who knows?
Look at its teeth.
Remember the bites on Ned's neck?
My God.
I'm gonna kill him.
Get off of me!
- Larry?
- Get off of me!
Help!
Come on! Come on, everybody!
You've never seen a sight like it.
- Where are you going?
- My friend's in there.
- You've still gotta have a ticket.
- No.
There's demons in there!
They're attacking Larry! There's demons!
Demons, huh? Look, man,
you seen my friend Merle in there?
No, I don't know.
Please, you must help him.
- I beg your pardon. Please put me down.
- You little twerp.
Please! Please, listen!
Somebody, please, help him!
There's trouble at the den.
Better get over there.
They undulate...
Ray, there's trouble in the den.
Get your piece.
- Dixie, run the show till I get back.
- Larry, what is it?
- Just stay here. We can handle it.
- I'm coming with you.
If they need us, they'll call.
- It's the den. Real trouble.
- You need me, Larry?
- I hope not.
- Wait. Take this.
You must stop selling tickets.
People could be killed.
Get lost.
Stop! Sorry, folks. Satan's Den is closed.
- Says who?
- Says this.
This attraction is open for business.
Prentiss, you're trespassing.
The rest of you, get back to work.
Larry said there is trouble at the den.
When he say no more trouble, we go.
There's a serious problem.
There are people in danger in there.
If he takes one step
toward that entrance, shoot him.
- Then shoot me.
- Stop right there!
Prentiss!
- What the hell is the matter with you?
- What do you want me to do, shoot a kid?
You're fired!
Help me! They're gonna kill me!
Help me! They're not kidding! Come on!
Get me outta here! Help!
Help me, you little kids!
Help me! Will you get me outta here,
you fucking little kids?
Oh, no.
- Demons.
- No, rats.
They're monkeys.
Get those kids outta here!
Come on, kids. Move! Get out!
Come on! Move! Come on!
Get out! Get out! Come on!
Help me!
I'll get you out. Hold it. Hold it.
Hurry up, man!
- Go on!
- Get outta here!
OK, you mangy bastards, come on!
No wonder you did such a great business.
- Where'd you get 'em?
- From hell.
- That's very funny.
- These things have gotta be wiped out.
- No way.
- They've killed people.
I'm not responsible. Legally,
I don't see what you've got against...
Jesus, God in heaven. It's Patty.
- They're getting away.
- Close the carnival before they kill again.
$1,000 to any man
who brings me one alive.
You son of a bitch!
- What is that?
- A demon. There's a bunch of them loose.
- What?
- They're real.
- What happened to your hand?
- I burnt it trying to kill 'em off.
Get outta there, wimp.
Just a minute, sir. Forgot your glove.
- I don't need no glove.
- That's the rules.
Hey!
Hey!
- Choose your prize, champ.
- Which one, sugar?
This one.
Aw.
Looks just like you.
Baby, baby.
You couldn't hit the bar with a bazooka.
Move on, loser.
Let some other guy have a chance.
If we didn't give you the balls,
you wouldn't have any.
Ah! Aagh!
Aagh! Aagh!
Aagh!
Aagh!
- The trick is not to look down...
- Mike, look.
Larry, listen.
We've tried everything -
guns, knives, clubs.
Nothing seems to work.
Why don't we try magic?
- Nigel!
- No, I'm serious.
It came from something
supernatural, right?
- Why don't we fight fire with fire?
- Maybe you're onto something. Come on.
- What are you looking for?
- The grimoire Ned had in his hand.
I know I put it back in this trunk.
- Here it is.
- What is it?
- A book of magic spells and incantations.
- This is crazy.
I know it is, but it's our only chance.
Ned's blood.
This is it.
Come on.
I'm gonna kill
the owner of this place!
I'll sue the son of a bitch, then I'll kill him.
It's not your fault.
You had nothing to do with it.
"Expuls..."
"Expulsion of demons
through demonic intercession."
This better work.
"Make a pentagram on the floor."
- What's a pentagram?
- It's one of these.
"Gig..." This looks like Latin.
This is your territory.
"Gigantus daemonium...
exhoritor."
"Commodest..."
- I gotta get that book back.
- You'll never make it with your hand.
- I could do it.
- Thanks, Nigel.
I'm going up there.
- Nicole.
- I'll be OK.
- Nicole, are you all right?
- I'm OK!
Nicole!
Here it is. "Gigantus daemonium..."
"Gigantus daemonium exhoritor."
"Commodestrum daemonium...
erunt."
It worked. It worked.
Real magic.
Oh, my God.
I hope that was the right spell.
He swallowed that thing whole.
He's got an appetite,
but how do we get rid of him?
I'm working on it.
- Speed is of the essence.
- I know it is. I'm doing the best I can.
Look out! The behemoth returns.
Shit!
Hold on, old boy. I'm just bone and gristle.
Help me out.
He's still hungry. I'm doomed!
- That's a rare Burgundy.
- Get me some kerosene.
- What are you doing?
- Molotov cocktail. Watch.
- Here's the wick.
- You've already tried fire.
They're tough on the outside,
but maybe they're soft on the inside.
All we need is a little appetizing ghoulie.
Hold this. Help me out.
Open the door when I tell you.
Now.
If you ask me, it was those teenagers
playing that heavy metal devil music.
Yeah, sure.
- You sure it's OK if I just leave?
- There ain't nothing else to tell the law.
You better get going.
Larry's waitin' for ya.
Maybe it's time that you moved along, too.
Babe, I can't do nothin' else
but sling these old bones around.
I might as well stay here
with all my friends.
I'll miss you. Thanks for everything.
Now scoot, kid.
Your carriage awaits, madame.
I'll never forget you.
- Take good care of the den.
- I'll do Ned proud.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow that I..."
Oh, the hell with it. Good luck, you two.