Give Me An A (2022) Movie Script
1
[wind blowing]
[wind stops]
[distant water drips]
[drips continue]
- [lights thud on]
- [electricity buzzing]
GIRL: Oh, my God,
I thought Mr. J's class
- was never gonna end.
- GIRL 2: Same.
I hate the way he stares
at me-- he's such a creep.
MARIA: Shit,
I knew I had it somewhere.
I totally got a demerit for
having this in English today.
SAM: Isn't that your third
demerit this week?
MARIA: Oh, I got one
in first period because
- my skirt was too short.
- NAOMI: Uh, does anyone have
a pad? I think I just
started my period.
- DANNI: I have a tampon?
- Naomi doesn't wear tampons.
- DANNI: What? Why?
- I don't know, I don't like
- sticking things up my ass.
- DANNI: You don't stick it
up your ass, you put it
in your vajiji.
That's what I meant, I just--
I don't know how to use it.
STEPHANIE:
She lives with her dad.
DANNI:
Oh, okay, watch, demo.
[soft chatter]
Vagina,
insert applicator, push up,
pull out, the end,
don't leave it in overnight.
- Here's another one.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Okay, ladies,
here's your new uniforms.
- Let's go.
- Yes, Coach Judy.
Wow, these are shorter
than the old ones.
Janie's gonna probably
complain about them
- not showing enough leg.
- JANIE: Shut up!
MARIA: I totally got
a demerit for a skirt
- longer than this today.
- JANIE: Ladies, come on,
being sexy is powerful.
KATHLENE: Yeah, reclaim it,
like, we might look like
sluts, but we want
to look like sluts.
BRANDY: Yeah, I'm down,
it's our bodies,
- we do what we want.
- DANICE: Sure, totally, yes.
But also, please,
these uniforms came
from a culture
of pleasing men.
JANIE: Here we go with Danice
and her feminism again.
Fuck the patriarchy,
we get it.
Fuck the patriarchy!
MONICA: Y'all, I don't care
about what we wear.
I do this
because I love cheer,
I freakin' love dance,
and I freakin' love
you ladies.
- We love you.
- Okay, you got 60 seconds
to get on the field,
let's hustle.
BRANDY: Hey, anyone got
an extra water bottle?
- I do.
- Where's Naomi?
- Bathroom probably.
- [overlapping chatter]
MARIA: Shit, my earring.
I'll rip my ears off.
[silence]
[whistle blowing]
- Ready...
- Okay!
We're not the bad guys,
we just want a choice
You can't silence us,
we will raise our voice
We are the future,
we're here to stay
We just want
bodily autonomy
Why are we protecting
rape and incest?
It's my body,
I decide what is best
If this is
about the right to life
Then my life matters like
your daughters and wives
We're strong and sexy,
we like our rights
And we don't wanna
give 'em up without a fight
- Ladies, are we ready?
- Oh, yeah, okay!
- Ladies, are we ready?
- Yeah! What do we say?
[rhythmic clapping]
[whistle blowing]
Give me an A!
[electricity crackling]
[phone alarm tone]
[phone alarm tone]
[sighing]
[urinating]
[yawning, groaning]
[phone chime]
[vibrating, rapid chimes]
[distant phone chimes]
[groaning]
[groaning]
[groaning]
[muffled sobs]
[muffled sobs]
[muffled shriek]
[muffled shriek]
[muffled groaning]
[gasping]
Aah!
[panting]
[hoarse gasps]
[ominous music]
[strained sobs]
[distant sobs]
[all sobbing, wincing]
- [phone chime]
- Don't, Sienna.
Sienna?
Oh, looks like he's here,
I'll call you later.
- Depending on how things go.
- Sounds good.
Sienna?
Mark?
[laughing] Wow.
Um, you are really hot,
even better than
your profile picture.
- Thanks, you too.
- It seems like half the time,
an entirely different
human being shows up.
Instead of DTF, they should
call it bait-and-switch.
- [laughing]
- Yeah.
Thank you,
I ordered us beers.
Cheers.
Contract law.
- Wow.
- Yeah, yeah.
I plan to work
in criminal defense,
helping kids who are
caught in the system.
Oh, shit,
so you're, like,
- saving the world and shit.
- [laughing]
And shit, yeah.
What about you?
I'm a surfer.
[laughing]
Yeah, well, it sounds
- like you're very active.
- Oh, yeah.
Speaking of, uh,
you wanna get out of here?
Definitely.
I definitely do.
You are so hot.
You are.
- So, are you pro?
- No, not yet.
But that's the goal.
If things work out
with the sponsor
I'm talking to,
I'll be on the tour
this year.
[sighing]
So, how about you?
What's next?
- What's next what?
- You know,
once you finish school?
Whole marriage, kids thing?
Aww, you wanna get
to know me, that's cute.
Um, to be honest with you,
I don't see myself
participating in
the patriarchal oppression
of monogamy, marriage,
or child-rearing at all.
I think there are
enough kids in the world.
I intend to do
what I want when I want,
and help the young people
who are already here.
Ooh, I totally get that.
That's admirable, man.
[sighing]
[sighing]
[sighing]
Uh, I hate
to ruin the moment,
but because we were talking
about the future,
I have to ask...
what happens
if I get pregnant?
We use protection.
Obviously, but, I mean,
that's not 100%.
Accidents do happen,
and now that abortion's
no longer an option,
I think we need to discuss
what happens
if that happens.
Uh... well, I guess...
we'll... we'll figure it out.
Might be the lawyer in me,
but I think we need
to figure it out now.
[phone ringing]
- Who're you calling?
- Mm.
Megan, hi, I have that
last-minute contract for you.
Would you mind just...
having a little chat
- with my attorney?
- Your attorney?
- Yeah.
- Okay, yeah.
So, Mark, meet Megan.
Megan, Mark.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Mark.
Congratulations
on having sex with Sienna.
Oh, uh... thank you.
I'll go through this
as quickly as I can,
so you two can get to it.
Do you consent
- to being recorded?
- You mean during sex?
- [laughing]
- No, just so that
we can go over the contract.
Oh, right, uh...
okay, yeah.
So, this is just
a simple sex contract,
stating that you and Sienna
agree to go into
a consensual sexual encounter
to be concluded
at any point in time
that either of you so choose.
Do you agree?
I'm sorry,
I require a verbal yes or no.
- Oh, yes.
- Yes for me.
You both agree to use
prophylactic condoms,
as directed,
during said sexual encounter.
- I do. I mean, yes.
- Me, too.
Finally, Mark, should Sienna
accidentally become pregnant
as a result of this
consensual sexual encounter,
you acknowledge that
you've been made aware that
Sienna intends to focus
on her career
and has no intention
or interest
in raising any child
that might result
from said consensual
sexual encounter; further,
being as the federal law
currently bans all abortion,
even in the event of rape,
incest, or health
of the mother, do you agree,
that in the event that
there was an unwanted
pregnancy, that Sienna would
have no legal
or financial obligation
to any child born
after the execution
of this legally-binding
contract?
Uh... just to be clear,
if I say "no," then
we're not having sex, right?
Right, okay...
then I guess
it's... a yes.
Fantastic.
And just one final provision:
if a child is born,
you, Mark-- I'm sorry,
- what was your full name?
- Mark Darren Greer.
You, Mark Darren Greer,
agree to sole parentage,
sole custody,
and to maintain any and all
financial obligations
for said child
from his earliest six weeks
of pregnancy through
- said child's 18th birthday.
- Yep, yep, yes.
- Whatever, yes.
- Okay, this contract
is hereby executed.
I just need to do
a quick retina scan.
[whirring, tone]
And if you could just give me
a thumbprint here.
- [tone]
- Yes, and if you could
e-sign there.
Congratulations,
you and Sienna are
officially cleared for sex.
Have fun, you two.
[sighing]
That was a lot.
How are you feeling?
Still...
DTF?
Totally.
[ringing]
My controller glitched--
two out of three.
- [men hollering]
- Mark Darren Greer?
Yeah...
I'm sorry,
do I know you?
Hi, um, we met
nine months ago.
I'm Sienna Campbell's
attorney.
Sienna... oh, yeah.
- Right, what's up?
- I'm here to execute
the fulfillment
of your sex contract.
- Meet your daughter, Emma.
- [baby whimpering]
Oh...
[gasping]
[baby coughing]
[gate creaking]
[baby crying]
[baby crying]
[rock and roll music]
Down to fuck
down to fuck
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck
[music]
[ominous music]
[music fades]
Today's an exciting day
for all of us.
I can sense
some feelings of anxiety
in the room right now,
and that's normal.
Even I was anxious
before my first lesson.
If any of you are feeling
nervous at any time,
the Association has
provided a little something
to help calm your nerves.
Now, I'm sure you all have
a lot of questions.
I hope to answer all of them
before the end of this.
I'm going to be
passing these around.
Please take one
and pass them back.
[suspenseful music]
What's wrong?
You don't wanna be
left behind, do you?
Good girl.
You are all
doing the right thing.
Now... are there
any questions?
Does it hurt?
No.
No, it's as close to God
as you will ever be.
How many times
do we get to it?
As many times as you can!
- What if it doesn't work?
- It will work.
As women,
after our 19th year,
our bodies are...
as ready as
they will ever be.
What's that?
That...
is a very generous donation
from the Association.
He has accelerated
the course,
which in turn has given us
a 100% success rate
in seeding!
One hundred years ago,
when our Supreme Court
made that brave decision,
overturning
that archaic bill,
it brought in a new era
of putting life first.
[ecstatic sighing]
I thank God
every day
for putting me
in this situation.
So that we may continue
to give the gift
of conception.
[ecstatic sighing]
Now...
we can do this the long way,
where I go over
what's in your booklets,
you take notes,
you learn,
blah blah blah.
[scattered giggling]
Or...
we can do this the fun way.
Do I have
any volunteers?
[soft giggling]
Wow, so eager, hmm?
Vita?
Can you come up
to the front of the class?
[ominous music]
Vita... please?
[soft laugh]
Thank you for volunteering.
[laughter]
Wasn't that brave?
Coming up here all by herself?
[soft laughter]
Now, class,
what should Vita do next?
She should get
on top of him.
Great suggestion.
Did you hear that?
She says you should get
on top of him.
Good, Vita.
Now, class,
now what should Vita do?
She should grind on him.
Yes, she should grind
on the dummy.
Grind on the dummy.
[rhythmic breathing]
[strong gasps]
[halting breaths]
You should be
very proud of yourself.
Good girl.
[ominous music]
Send the next group in.
- [music]
- [insects buzzing]
So blessed our love,
us ladies
- Aah...
- God gave us
Our precious babies
Y'all sure I can't get you
anything other than water?
Oh, I make the absolute
best ice lattes.
Absolutely heaven-sent.
Oh, and don't worry,
we've got decaf for Mama.
- [canned laughter]
- Oh, we're actually
- not pregnant.
- Ah-ah!
Not yet, honey.
[laughing]
Uh, actually
I can't get pregnant.
Well, the Lord works
in mysterious ways.
[chime]
[humming]
[soft canned laughter]
All of these fertility places
are like this.
Completely baby-obsessed.
Obsessed with the mommies,
obsessed with the daddies.
- Knock-knock.
- [canned applause]
Hi, I'm Dr. Lizbeth.
Thank you so much
for coming in today.
Janie, this is
my boyfriend Alex.
- Hi.
- Uh, it's nice to meet you,
- Dr. Elizabeth.
- Oh, no.
It's just Dr. Lizbeth,
not "E-lizabeth."
That was my grandmother's
grandmother.
[canned laughter]
And you two,
such a lovely married couple.
Oh, actually no, not yet.
We've been together
almost ten years now.
We've just been to so many
of our friends' weddings
that we decided
we should just wait.
But somebody did
catch the bouquet
- at the last one, so.
- [canned laughter]
[laughing]
I have been married
for 20 years
to my wonderful
husband Luke,
and we have
three precious babies.
That's Kayleigh, Bayleigh,
and J.C., our boy.
Named for Jesus Christ
but also my favorite member
- of NSYNC.
- [canned laughter]
But don't tell
my husband that!
[uproarious laughter]
Seriously, don't.
Um, you have
a lovely family, Doctor,
but we are not
quite ready for that yet.
Oh, but what are
you two waiting for?
A stork delivery?
'Cause I've got
some bad news for you...
he's retired!
[canned laughter]
- He's retired!
- Yeah.
I see here
we have 13 gorgeous babies.
Gorgeous, huh?
Must get it from me.
[canned laughter]
Um, actually
they're frozen embryos,
they aren't babies.
Oh.
[laughing]
We are actually here, um,
because of this letter
you sent.
Was there an issue
with our payment--
Oh, no-no-no, nothing--
nothing like that.
We are part
of a new program
that protects
every child in the state
from day one
to heaven above.
I was particularly touched
when I read your file, Janie.
You had breast cancer
in your 20s?
- That is so incredibly sad.
- [audience aww's]
Yeah, that's the reason
we froze embryos
to begin with.
We weren't even sure
if we were going to use them.
Just wanted to, you know,
keep our options open.
Actually we've been thinking
about adoption, maybe?
I don't know, surrogacy just
seems so stressful.
Such a silly idea
when you've already
been so blessed.
Nobody wants to go through
all that adoption paperwork.
Boo, paperwork's
the worst, right?
[canned laughter]
Plus, you're already
starting a family.
A family of 15.
That's gonna be
a lot of diapers.
[canned laughter]
Again, they're frozen embryos.
They are not babies.
And it was made
very clear to us that,
during the process,
we would actually have
- to discard several embryos.
- Ssh!
- [audience gasps]
- You don't want
your precious babies
to hear you.
[heartbeat thuds]
[sighing]
Life begins
at conception.
And that includes
the embryonic form.
Just like your 13 precious,
little...
[echoing]
babies.
Thank you so much
for your time, Doctor,
but we actually have
got to get going.
Thirteen...
precious lives
put at risk,
all for your sinful
and reckless lifestyle.
- [laughing]
- Okay,
like she said,
we're leaving.
[alarm buzzes]
- What the hell is this?!
- Unfortunately, Janie,
we will be
arresting you today
on 13 charges
of child abuse and neglect,
13 charges of attempted
baby-killing--
What the fuck are
you talking about?!
- They aren't children!
- Maybe you should've
prayed more
before the devil cursed you
with all that cancer
for your sins.
Fuck you, Dr. Elizabeth,
you insane fucking fuck!
That's not my fucking name!
- [groaning, shrieking]
- [laughing]
[laughing]
So blessed,
all of us ladies
God gave us...
Our precious babies
[canned laughter]
[music]
[gasping]
Pull over! Stop the car!
- I can't-I can't breathe!
- No-no-no, you're breathing,
you're breathing,
just too fast.
No, I can't breathe, I think
I'm having a heart attack.
No-no-no, you're not having
a heart attack, Kate.
I promise, you're not having
a heart attack. It's okay.
Look at me, look at me,
you are so strong
for making this decision
for yourself, and I know
we've been
to five different places.
- I'm not okay.
- But we're here early
this time,
I think you'll make it in.
- It's not okay... [sobbing]
- [shushing]
You're okay.
It's okay, we're--
we're so close, I know,
I know, but I'm here.
I'm here, and afterwards
we can go get a slushie,
and you'll never have to think
about this again, okay?
But we-we have to go,
right now, okay?
Or you're gonna lose
your chance.
We have to go now, okay?
Okay, okay.
[crying]
I know, I know, I know.
[sniffing, sobbing]
Okay.
- Here.
- [sobbing]
- Are you ready?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- [protestors hollering]
- It's okay.
Ignore them.
Ignore them, ignore them.
[hollering]
[hollering continues]
[hollering continues]
Hey, hey, I'm gonna be
next to you the whole time.
I can't do this.
Look, look, do you remember
when we were kids?
We would go swimming
in the pool all the time
- during the summer?
- [thumping]
- What?
- You were always
so much better at holding
your breath than I was.
- [hollering]
- Hey.
Hey, look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Not them, not them.
Don't look at them.
Look, you could
hold your breath
for almost three minutes.
Just do that today.
Three minutes,
and then it's done.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay?
Three minutes.
- Three minutes.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Yeah, I-- okay.
- Let's go, let's go.
You don't have to do this.
What're you doing here,
huh? Huh?
It's okay, there are people
here to help you.
Is it you?
Are you a child killer?
You should be ashamed!
How dare you?!
Leave her alone!
Leave her alone!
[overlapping shouts]
[overlapping shouts]
WOMAN:
Go to hell, bitch!
Why are you doing this?!
Turn around,
save your child.
[ominous music]
[overlapping shouts]
[overlapping shouts]
- Stop!
- [overlapping shouts]
Stop!
[overlapping shouts]
[gasping]
[music]
[electricity crackling]
[buzzing]
[light woodwind music]
[music]
[music continues]
[buzzing]
[birds tweeting]
[wind chimes ringing]
[beeping]
[clunk, creak]
[woman gasping]
[beep]
[muffled speech]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[distant buzzing]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[buzzing]
[birds cawing]
[electricity crackling]
MAN:
Just to confirm real quick,
your daughter is
Gabi, age 12.
That's right.
And, uh, no other children
in the house?
All right, Mr. Sanchez, if you
could just sign this for me.
You think this is enough?
For what we've lost?
Look, man,
I'm just here to install.
You can call
your representative.
[soft music]
[door closes]
[soft music]
[chime]
WOMAN: Gabi?
Why don't you tell me what's
going on with you today?
Uh, I finished
my book today.
That's great, sweetie.
And all my friends are coming.
I'm officially a teenager.
Feliz Cumpleaos to me!
- [whistling]
- That's great, sweetie.
He doesn't listen,
and I told him
what kind to get,
and he got me
the wrong one again.
I feel like I'm walking around
in a diaper.
You'll be
all right, sweetie.
Why did he ask me
to meet his parents
if he was just gonna
break up with me?
You'll be
all right, sweetie.
Gosh, say something else.
- You'll be--
- Stop, please.
Say something real.
I just want you
to talk to me!
Really.
I'm not allowed, Gabi.
Please?
You'll be all right, sweetie.
[soft music]
[door closes]
Es tuya, Gabi.
Okay, but I haven't
touched it in years.
No lo tienes que usar,
pero no tiene
- sentido aqu.
- You don't get it.
Okay, it won't hurt
if you take it.
It does!
It does hurt me, Dad.
Every time I look at that,
I think of all the ways
that you weren't there for me.
All the times that you let
a government contractor
be my parent
when you didn't feel like it.
You never fucking
felt like it!
Gabi, this is
what they gave us.
And...
I was doing my best.
It wasn't enough.
Not even close.
Gabi!
Gabi!
What's, uh...
what's in the box?
I guess Dad's moving
out of his house.
Sent me the last of my things.
Feliz Cumpleaos to me.
[soft piano music]
- [phone chime]
- Gabi?
I-I didn't think
you would be allowed.
Oh, they stopped monitoring
our line years ago.
Told me to disconnect it,
but I didn't.
I should have...
Guess their plan
did not work, huh?
I'm so sorry,
I always wanted to say more,
to be better for you.
Why'd you do it?
I got to have
my abortion years ago.
I always knew I didn't want
children, but...
there's a curiosity there.
Even in the certainty.
And I guess I thought I...
I thought I was helping.
Why did you pick it up again?
Oh, I, um...
I guess my dad is...
is moving, and...
You guess?
We're not close.
He picked up the phone once.
- Really?
- I couldn't say anything
to him, but he...
he talked.
If it means anything
to you now, he cared for you
so very much.
He was trying very hard
to do right by you.
I, um...
I'm pregnant.
Do you...
Do you want to...
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
I, um...
I have a partner,
and...
he's good,
and we're ready.
I just...
um...
my...
my mom wanted her baby too.
Her second baby.
And it just,
it went wrong,
and they wouldn't help her.
And I'm just--
I'm scared that,
that, what if
it's genetic, you know?
what if-what if it goes
wrong for me too?
And they won't
help me and...
I don't want
to die for this.
But I'm scared that
they're gonna make me.
Gabi...
oh, Gabi...
you'll be all right, sweetie.
[music]
[electricity crackling]
[music]
[clink]
Braintree, March 31, 1776.
I wish you would ever
write me a letter
half as long as I write you.
Mm, I long to hear
that you have declared
an independence,
and by the way,
in the new code of laws,
which I suppose it will be
necessary for you to make,
I desire you would
remember the ladies...
and be more generous
and favorable to them
than your ancestors.
April 14th, 1776,
as to your extraordinary
code of laws...
I cannot but laugh.
[laughter]
We've been told that
our struggle has loosened
the bands of government
everywhere, that, uh,
children and apprentices
were disobedient,
that schools and colleges
were grown turbulent,
that Indians slighted
their guardians
and Negroes grew insolent
to their masters.
But your letter was
the first intimation that
another tribe,
more numerous and powerful
than all the rest,
were grown discontented.
This is rather
too coarse a compliment,
but you are... so saucy,
I won't blot it out.
Do not put
such unlimited power
into the hands
of the husbands.
Remember, all men would be
tyrants if they could.
If particular care
and attention is not paid
to the ladies,
we are determined
to foment a rebellion.
And we'll not hold
ourselves bound
by any laws
in which we have
no voice or representation.
That your sex are
naturally tyrannical
is a truth so...
thoroughly established
as to admit of no dispute,
but such of you as wish
to be happy willingly,
give up the harsh title
of master.
For the more tender
and endearing one
of friend.
Put it out of the power
of the vicious
and the lawless
to use us with cruelty.
Men of sense in all ages
abhor these customs
which treat us only
as the vessels of your sex.
We know better than to repeal
our masculine systems.
Although they are
in full force,
you know they are
little more than theory.
We dare not exert our power
in its full latitude.
We are obliged to go fair
and softly...
and in practice,
you know that
we are the subjects.
Regard us then as beings
placed by providence
under your protection,
and in imitation
of the supreme being,
make use of that power
only for our happiness.
[dramatic chord]
I long to hear that you have
declared an independency.
And by the way,
in the new code of laws,
which I suppose it will be
necessary for you to make,
I desire
you would remember
the ladies.
And be more generous
and favorable to them
than your ancestors.
[whoosh]
[bird cawing]
[electricity crackling]
Finally, you've made
the decision
to take control of your life.
[giggling]
...wink!
You've made the decision
to choose Plan C,
the only birth control
approved
- by the federal government.
- Tell me more!
Waah!
Unlike previous forms
of contraception
outlawed by the court...
Plan C has no side effects,
well, unless you count
a clear complexion,
carefree weight loss,
and my favorite side effect...
copious coitus.
[ding]
Plan C gave me a choice,
and lucky for me,
I chose him.
Commitment.
Thanks to Plan C,
I'll always be committed
to my partner,
from when we eat
to when we make love...
[laughing]
...we're always in sync.
Always.
Plan C combines
state of the art
drone technology
with the latest
in nano-robotics,
to create
an intra-uterine device
more advanced
than ever before.
Your doctor inserts
the device vaginally,
and after
a simple cognitive test,
aligns the system...
[distorted] ...with
the complimentary app.
Just a simple
in-office procedure--
simple in-office procedure--
[glitching voices]
[long beep]
And you're set, for life.
And when you're ready
for that next step,
just tell your doctor,
and once he--
- [thud]
- --or she has
confirmed you're eligible,
they painlessly adjust
the settings
so you can conceive.
[thud]
Commitment, choice, control.
Contraception that works.
That's why I chose
Plan C.
Plan C,
the only plan for me
Talk to your doctor to see
if Plan C is
right for you!
God, I hate that song.
Your legally-required viewing
is complete; do you have
any more questions
before you consent
to Plan C?
[clatter]
Will it hurt?
When you put it in?
Yes.
Hurts a lot.
Do you still consent?
Yeah, can we do it today?
Like, right now?
[clatter]
[echoing humming]
[humming continues]
Plan C,
the only plan for me
[whirring]
[music]
[electricity crackling]
[ominous music]
- Hey, Jodie.
- Hey, Carla.
- Hey, come on in, hey, y'all.
- Hey.
You good?
Go on in.
- How much time we got today?
- I've only got, like,
- 20 minutes.
- My next shift is
- across town.
- I've got ten.
- What, no Della?
- She's doing a triple today.
What?
Fuck, okay.
All right,
that's enough.
You gotta get up,
get dressed,
get your ass out the door.
No one's coming for us.
[soft sobs]
You gotta go to one job
and then the next job
and then the next job,
and you look forward.
One day at a time, okay?
Just one day at a time.
I smell like bleach.
Ugh, here, let me take this.
I know you don't wanna
hear that, but you don't have
any other choice,
none of us do.
[soft whispers]
[soft whispers]
...get to see each other.
I miss you too.
I miss you too.
- Thank you.
- I'm gonna see you tonight.
I'm gonna see you
tonight, okay?
I miss you.
You don't got to worry.
No, it's gonna be okay,
I can tell you that
- from experience, honey.
- I'm scared.
- I know.
- That's normal.
For your safety.
You can trust us,
you're safe.
Just go with it.
[soft sobs]
I can't do it,
I can't do it.
[soft sobs]
CARLA: You got to harden
yourself now, you hear me?
Catch the bus, make the beds,
feed the mouths,
grow the babies,
birth the babies,
raise the babies.
Work.
WOMAN 2: And when you feel
like you're gonna break,
you come here.
We'll get you cleaned up,
we'll get you dressed
every day, if we have to.
I wish it wasn't
this way, honey...
but it is.
Okay?
[echoing]
Okay?
Okay.
[music]
[fly buzzing]
[electricity crackling]
License and registration?
Thank you. Do you know
why I pulled you over today?
No, officer, I do not.
Uh, you were using
the carpool lane
despite being
one single solitary person.
Oh, well, actually,
I am driving for two.
- Oh!
- Just a few months.
Cool, well,
points for creativity,
and congratulations,
but that doesn't count
so I'm still gonna have
to ticket you.
Oh, well, you definitely
don't have to.
Um, you could just
let me off with a warning.
Legally, there are
two of us, please?
I really can't handle
a $250 ticket right now.
- It's $490.
- What?!
Oh, my God, no,
I definitely can't--
Okay, don't fall
into the victim role here,
all right? God has
a plan for you, Jenna.
And single moms have
made it work
since the beginning of time.
You got this.
You can't force me
to have a baby
and pay a speeding ticket.
It's not actually
a speeding ticket--
Whatever!
It's all part
of God's plan, okay?
The burden is heavier
on us as women,
but that's because
we're stronger.
He never gives us challenges
that we can't overcome.
I mean, suicide's a thing.
Yeah, that's
that victim mentality,
it'll kill ya,
that's what I'm saying.
Usually I just take a photo
and it auto-populates but--
So, you think
that this is a baby.
- Yeah.
- Well, then you can't
possibly write me up
for driving with my baby.
I can, uh, and I am.
Except, menu, it's not--
oh, it's loading.
All right, just gotta
wait for it to--
might take a second.
Have you seen the new season
of "Ozark"? It's good.
- Ahh, we're back.
- Stop writing that.
Hey, I said stop writing.
I'm gonna need you
to stay in your vehicle.
Look, a ticket is no big deal,
but threatening an officer,
- that's a big deal.
- Yeah, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
But, look, I am
really struggling right now.
I could really please just use
the tiniest bit of kindness.
- Please.
- I get it.
I don't wanna be a mom,
that seems really hard.
But that's why I keep
my legs closed.
It's pretty straightforward,
you know, I mean,
for the future,
too late now, but...
You have heard of rape, right?
- One in six American women--
- If a baby isn't meant
to be born,
the body will reject it.
Isn't that amazing?
It's all in God's hands.
Oh, yeah, then
what about that ticket?
Is that in God's hands?
'Cause that looks
- like that's in your hands.
- Oh, hey.
I got a gun, right?
So we're gonna calm down.
I understand
that you're hormonal,
but you gotta relax and get
back inside the vehicle.
What is gonna happen
when I can't pay my rent
because of that ticket?
And what if it's God's plan
that I miscarry him,
and I get charged with murder?
It's scarier than that gun.
Okay, you know,
when a dog
is about to be euthanized,
it's very sad,
none of us like it, but
they have to do it sometimes.
But occasionally
it outsmarts the human
and hides in a corner
or escapes.
Usually, even when
they find the dog,
they grant the dog
a stay, right, because
the thinking is,
well, maybe that dog is
destined to live, right?
Just gotta think
about a baby like that.
I am not a violent person,
but I do mean you bodily harm.
I'm gonna need you
to get back in the car.
Oh, fuck.
Hey, hey, it's okay,
it's okay.
We're just gonna write you
this one ticket.
I'm not gonna cuff you
or anything, you can
handle one ticket, okay?
Let's try to...
Oh... okay.
That was... it's a bit
like trying to pat your head
and rub your belly at the same
time, you know what I mean?
Oh, that was close,
but that's what I'm saying is
- it's all part of--
- [blam]
[screaming]
[up-beat rock and roll]
[song continues]
- [electricity crackling]
- [helicopter whirring]
[birds tweeting]
[car starts]
[sighing]
[upbeat funk playing]
[music continues]
[new wave synth beat]
[music continues]
Hey.
Hey, beautiful.
What's your name?
[laughing]
[static fuzzing]
[disquieting music]
What's your name?
Nothing?
Hey, beautiful?
I'm trying to talk to you.
Huh.
Fuckin' rude.
- Bitch.
- Hey, Mister.
Want to play backseat bingo?
Okay, silent treatment.
Hey, beautiful!
Nothing?
[echoing]
Hey, Mister!
[eerie music]
- [engines roaring]
- [electricity crackling]
[birds cawing]
- [camera shutter snaps]
- I need a playboy
Super smash game boy,
send a dick pic...
WOMAN: Previously
on "Crucible Island"...
I can't wait to find out
why we're here, okay?
For two reasons, one,
'cause Henny-thing is
possible, baby.
And two,
if there's a cash prize,
I'm gonna use that
as seed money
for my staplecoin startup.
Fingers crossed that this is
a home renovation show.
People think moving a palm is
just like moving
any other tree,
but it takes a...
a real gentle touch.
I have some medical bills
piling up.
Just a... sorcery mishap.
Heh, so I could
definitely use the cash
to make those, um--
ts-ts-ts-tsah!
Disappear.
I'm just hoping
this is a springboard
- to get my brand out there.
- [laughing]
I'm not eating no bug though.
Honestly, I guess
I'm really here
- just to find love.
- Love.
[bubbling and popping]
- [ding]
- Or a new assistant.
[music]
[hip hop playing]
[audience cheering]
Hello, hello, hello.
Seems you've all settled in.
I bet everyone is dying
to know
why you're all here.
[assorted cheers]
[wolf-whistles]
Let's go ahead and call
this lovely lady Bernadette.
Right? Oh, man, if this is
what we're working with,
I'm hella excited.
Oh, I'm glad I tanned
my balls for this.
Ooh, she is really smokin'.
[laughing]
[both laughing]
Now, Bernadette has just
come back from the doctor,
and we can confirm
she is with child.
We brought you five here
to deduce
which of you heathens put
Bernadette in the family way.
RECORDED BABY:
[giggling] ...dada.
Now, once the lucky
impregnator is rooted out,
he will leave
the house a father!
[laughing]
Or with an 18-year
financial commitment to pay
child support.
[audience cheering]
Okay, are you ready,
Bernadette?
I have never seen
this woman before.
I don't even know
a Bernadette.
This is unacceptable.
I refuse to speak
unless my lawyer is present.
Ruthie, please bring in
Geoff's contract,
highlighting articles 37,
42, and 68.9.
There's this one,
this one...
Well, that's settled.
Get some sleep, boys.
Tomorrow, you face judgment
in the Reckoning Round.
[overlapping shouts]
I have so many bills going on!
HENNY: What about
my staplecoin startup?
[bell clanging]
Geoff, how many women have
you slept with
this year to date?
One.
My wife.
- Oh.
- [phone ringing]
Oh, well, seems we have
some studio callers
claiming that is perjurious.
- Ruthie?
- [beep]
WOMAN:
You have a fucking wife?
WOMAN 2: Does she paint you
with hummus?
WOMAN 3: You told me
you loved me this morning.
Look at you.
So many followers.
[chuckling]
How many of these women
have you slept with?
- Henny.
- April-May June.
That's me-- Henny,
have you had sex with women
or a woman
in the last five months?
Uh, yes, I-I have,
yeah, you know.
- Just one, though.
- Oh, one's enough.
Were you safe
when you did this?
- I think so.
- [buzzer]
Braden's been
bragging about tail
since we got here.
He's your guy.
It wasn't me.
I always pull out.
Pointing fingers
at others is always
the best line of defense.
Geoff, have you ever paid
for someone to have
a secret abortion?
- Never.
- [phones ringing]
The Wisdom Round.
- [ding]
- [applause]
Where do a woman's eggs
come from?
Her hoo-hoo.
Um... God?
No, but you are
all still in the game.
Question number two,
how is an embryo created?
Through alcohol and mistakes,
am I right?
I know this one.
The fallopian tubes.
It's not, it's not,
it's not the fallopian tubes.
Question number three,
can you name
the female
reproductive hormones?
Is the answer boobs?
Potassium.
Science, brah.
Well, this is
an abomination.
Hi, uh, April-May June.
So, obviously
I don't know much
about reproductive
stuff, and...
being here has made me realize
that I haven't been
the best guy,
but seeing Bernadette,
I'm, like, starting
to feel things
that I've never
felt before.
So, I just wanna say,
if it was me,
I accept full responsibility.
[all gasping]
[sighing]
Wow, thank you, Henny.
Bernadette,
is Henny the father?
- No!
- [sighing]
Well, Henny,
you are not the father.
But your willingness
to take accountability
for your actions has
been noted.
So, Henny, you have been
released from your witch hunt.
Your time on "Crucible Island"
has officially come
to an end.
Thank you. Henny-thing
is possible, guys.
He really was
the only one of you I liked.
Our expert will monitor
your polygraph units,
so no lies.
Welcome to the alibi round.
Geoff, where were you
on the night of March 17th?
I was home with my wife.
- Where I always am.
- Well, that's great.
Let's see if Mrs. Geoff
can corroborate.
Let's get her
on the line, Ruthie.
LINDY: Hi, April-May,
as much as I don't wanna help
this narcissistic [bleep]
small-[bleep]
[bleep] [bleep]-boy loser,
we were at home that night
waiting for a couch delivery.
There's ring-cam footage.
As usual, Geoff was rude
to the delivery guys.
Serve him, Abigail!
Hey, Lindy, wait,
please, I--
- [dial tone]
- Eh, yeah, we lost her.
All right, Geoff,
you're not the father.
[gasping]
Well, you have officially been
released from your witch hunt.
Your time on "Crucible Island"
has come to an end.
Now get the fuck out.
I lost, and then I won,
and that's politics.
We are down to three.
So, who's the culprit?
Is it Braden?
Is it Marco?
Is it Keith?
You have three seconds to
answer this question, Braden,
where were you
on the night of March 17th?
- [buzzer]
- You're gonna need to be
quicker, okay,
moving on to Marco.
March 17th, St. Paddy's Day.
I was with
my frisbee golf team,
chugging pitchers
on a parade float.
Hah! I was on a parade float.
Did you have sex?
Nah...
- yeah.
- Oh, my fucking God.
why are we believing
Mr. Dick-Every-Girl-Down?
It's obviously fucking Braden.
Why me? Huh?
Why not magic man here?
He conjures.
I mean, I guess he can
conjure a babe
who fuckin' knows--
then he can conjure
another girl.
Oh, what the fuck, Keith,
Braden literally
calls himself
a clit whisperer.
'Cause it's fuckin' true.
- Mm-hmm.
- Fuckin' Braden.
Fuck you, pipsqueak.
Maybe it's you,
fuck you!
[thudding]
[lights clicking on]
Shall we let the final three
in on our little secret?
Before you were brought here,
Bernadette decided she was
not ready to be a mother.
Not emotionally, not mentally,
not financially.
She went ahead and made
the terminal decision
to have an illegal abortion,
and her actions resulted
in her immediate arrest
and pending prosecution.
[clanging]
- [relieved sighs]
- Fuck yeah.
Now, in the good old US of A,
we have a saying.
Ruthie, can you tell us
what the saying is?
It takes two to tango.
- [guitar strum]
- And once we expose
whomever was
the reputed father,
he too will face
manslaughter charges
alongside Bernadette!
- What?
- She will not tango alone.
I can't go to jail
for a hookup.
It's time for
the Persecution Round.
Let's turn our inquiry over
to the home tribunal.
Folks at home, call 555-1111
to let us know
who you denounce.
[phone ringing]
- Go ahead, caller.
- MAN: I'm pretty sure
Braden did it, he just
looks like a piece of shit.
- Who the fuck is this?
- I'm just a self-righteous
asshole that has now been
emboldened by the patriarchy
and legally enabled to impose
my narrow-minded morality
on anyone
I damn well please.
So, your word
or mine, stranger.
...that's fucking insane.
Next caller claims
to have a connection
to one of you!
WOMAN: Hi, I'm the HR rep
that hired Marco
for our corporate retreat.
He swore he could make
the underwriters disappear,
but instead,
he made my underwear
disappear.
Every last pair.
Even when I bought new ones.
I mean,
he is a good magician,
but he's definitely a perv.
- Abracadabra, loser.
- Oh, you're so damn smug.
When did you get that T-shirt,
spring break?
Yes, actually.
Daytona, where I got COVID
for the whole month of March.
I was bedridden
the entire time I was there.
Keith, you evade punishment.
Keith-It-Reals, you are
released from your witch hunt.
Your time at "Crucible Island"
has come to an end.
- Later, bozos.
- Fuck off.
And then there were two.
Find out who gets raked
over the fiery coals
of feticide next time
on "Crucible Island."
[ding]
- [helicopter whirring]
- [electricity crackling]
[drumroll]
ANNOUNCER:
The following program is
brought to you
by VCTV.
[chime]
Welcome...
to Vasectopia.
A place where you can
finally be yourself again.
Take it away, friends.
- MAN: Come on, let's go!
- MAN 2: Okay!
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place
for you and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Now, what we've learned here
at Vasectopia is that
men aren't crazy about
unwanted pregnancies either.
Right, Kevin?
So we've created a world
where people can
enjoy their lives
and have as much sex
as they consent to,
without the fear
of going to jail.
And don't forget...
bodily autonomy.
In a world
that's dark and sad
Getting pregnant can
be real bad
Now the government
owns your uterus
We got a place to hide
that can be your bliss
Trying to buy contraception
on the black market
out there in the real world?
[laughing]
Don't be ridiculous.
Here, you can get it for free.
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place for you
and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Outside these gates,
you can go to prison
If a sperm and egg have
some sexy fission
Doesn't matter
if it's incest, rape
Or can kill you,
the government owns
Your body more than you do
[drumroll]
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place for you
and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Ding dong ding...
Vasectopia
Ding dong ding dong
Ding dong
ding dong
And the best part
about Vasectopia is...
well, it's in the name.
Come to our doors
and get your snip snip
In our penis-shaped pool,
you can go for a dip
We also have
vagina lollipops
You can lick 'em all day,
and we'll get you off
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place for you
and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Seriously,
why is this only on us?
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Vasectopia.
Join us.
[helicopter whirring]
[electricity crackling]
[helicopter whirring]
[soft music]
REPORTER: ...would be
a monumental decision,
and we are at the capitol
of the last holdout state
to keep pro-choice
abortion rights
since the Supreme Court
overturned Roe v. Wade
over a decade ago
on June 24th, 2022.
The state has become
a battleground
for the pro-life movement
and politicians.
Today, the governor is due
to sign the ratification
presented by
the state senate.
The announcement could be
the end of this process,
- which has since led to--
- [door dinging]
the banning of
abortion rights in 49 states.
As we wait for the decision,
let's go to other--
[mutes TV]
[knocking on door]
[door dinging]
POLITICIAN: ...we are
looking out for the unborn.
Mainstream media want you
to believe
that we aren't pro-women!
Being pro-life
and pro-women's rights
aren't mutually exclusive!
[woman straining]
[woman panting]
[monitor beeping]
WOMAN:
Oh, God...
oh, you can do it.
You can do it.
[monitor beeping]
[woman gasping, panting]
Is some...
Is someone there?
[watch beeping]
[sighing]
[chuckling]
Juanita, mi amor,
- cudate, por favor.
- [knocking on door]
[beeping]
- No.
- [door dinging]
[sighing]
Hey, Vi.
Lookin' bien as usual.
Heh, Officer Hall.
Uh, been busy today.
Huh.
- That's all right.
- Yeah.
I have time.
Time.
Ahh, see, this girl has
the whole department crazy.
You know, I had to work Olast night because we got
a tip that she was, you know,
seen a few miles from here.
I... I hope she's okay.
Where's your...
your little helper?
- Um...
- [laughing]
Juanita,
she took the day off.
She went to the capitol.
Ahh, Juanita.
I just hope
she's on the right side
of this mess.
You know, it can be...
muy malo.
[machine bubbling]
Coffee's ready.
Ahh.
[soft whistling]
[shaking mix]
[stirring]
Caf con leche.
Yeah, yeah,
that's exactly it.
- That's how I like it.
- Mm.
[slurping]
Mmm.
- [chuckling]
- Too strong?
Uh, nah, nah, nah,
it's fine.
It's just fine.
- Thanks, Vi.
- Mm-hmm.
[door dinging]
- What's up?
- You're not gonna
believe this.
Oh, my gosh.
- Is that--
- We can't.
- We are fucked.
- I mean, if she makes it,
what's stopping her
from ratting us out?
This is the job.
Please help me.
[soft sobs]
Hang on.
[sniffling]
Thank you.
Okay.
It's okay.
You made it.
[groaning]
- We want to help you.
- [doorbell dinging]
Shit.
- Ssh.
- [soft whispers]
Shit... por favor,
no se vayan,
don't go anywhere.
[doorbell dinging]
I'm stupid, I was, um,
I was in the back.
- You know--
- That's all right.
- I left my glasses.
- Ahh.
Ahh, there.
Now, I know you don't keep
these cameras just
to keep an eye
on an empty store.
Yeah.
"We have a moral duty
to disobey an unjust law."
Our friend said that.
[doorbell dinging]
REPORTER:
Breaking news, this just in,
a decision has been reached
in the landmark
pro-choice case
in the last state
currently fighting
to uphold abortion rights
in the country.
Let's go live
from the state capitol,
where the governor is
about to announce...
[soft music]
[airplane whooshing]
- [electricity crackling]
- [booming]
MARCO: I know
I'm not hearing you right.
Come on, really?
I-I love you, Junie,
but this is not
- what's best for you.
- Okay, um...
You know what's best for me
and my body, right?
All right, no,
that's not what I'm saying,
- and you know it.
- Marco,
you've been
begging me for years
- to be a cool uncle.
- Yeah, I wanna be
a cool uncle
to a normal kid.
What's that supposed
to mean, hm?
IVF is perfectly normal.
It's not. Do you even know
what this procedure is?
Okay, I-I did research, okay?
It's not IVF,
it's your stem cells.
What does that even mean?
This is the government doing
what they always do...
Goodbye, Marco, goodbye.
- It's, it's...
- [chime]
[ominous chord]
[humming]
[continues humming]
[ominous chord]
[gurgle]
[gasping]
- [phone ringing]
- Uncle SAM's IVF Program,
how can I help you?
Hi, yes,
Juniper Stone.
January 15, 1993.
I need Dr. Evka
immediately.
Please hold.
DR. EVKA:
How are you feeling, dear?
Something's wrong.
I woke up
this morning, and...
- my stomach...
- It's perfectly fine.
This is expected.
This is normal.
I am with you.
I see you.
I wouldn't let
anything happen.
It's very distended.
I'm concerned.
Should I go to the hospital?
Right now,
your stem cells are
fertilizing
and growing exponentially.
As per the process,
that was explained to you
in your contract.
Unless you did something
that you were instructed
not to do.
[sniffling]
Yes, no-- of course not.
We are monitoring you.
Have you been missing
your injections?
Communicating outside
of the designated
- connection window?
- [chuckling]
I don't know
why I'm so bad at that.
We are the future,
and the future is perfect.
[sniffling]
Thank you, Dr. Evka.
[recorded]
You've reached Juniper Stone,
CEO of Rhino Group Media.
Please leave a message
after the beep.
- [beep]
- Junie?
Please, please, please
check out the article
I sent you.
Call me back. Bye.
- [beep]
- Hey, it's Kat.
Um, my wife's in
the same IVF group as you,
and she's acting
really weird.
- Are you okay?
- [beep]
This is Lisa
from Dr. Evka's office.
I'm calling
to remind you that
you're in a closed
communication portion
of your incubation period.
[ominous chord]
[stifled sobbing]
[stifled coughs]
[soft internal groan]
[panting]
[stifled straining]
[gasping]
Dr. Evka's office, please?
This is wrong.
Something is wrong.
I...
- I saw something.
- [gurgling]
DOCTOR: Saw something?
Do we have to do
mental health re-evaluation?
No.
That's what I thought, dear.
Our bodies are built
for this.
This new life,
it's a whole new you.
A better you.
You are going to make
- an incredible mother.
- [chuckling]
Thank you, Dr. Evka.
Now, you just have
to let her out.
[straining]
[straining, grunting]
[gasping]
[screaming]
[soft sobbing]
[groaning]
[gasping]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[knife clinks]
How are you feeling, dear?
Much better.
[electricity crackling]
[panting]
[music]
Come on, kid,
take a little trip
You wanna get high
on the east side with
All the bad kids,
very bad kids
But the shoe don't fit,
it drops like a brick
When times get tough,
gets a little rough
And you just want love
but up comes nothing
Yeah, up comes nothing
Push me out
You know you don't
wanna be lonely, too
Don't put me down
Are you ever gonna get
I'm a bad kid, too?
I guess I'm never
gonna get what I want
'Cause all I wanna get
is along with you
I guess I'm never gonna
get what I want
'Cause all I wanna
get is along...
So, now you've got
to learn how
To be bad to get down
with the cool crowd, honey
Going downtown,
backstreets, underground
Kicking around
with the bad boys
And when times get tough,
gets a little rough
And we all need love
but we all get nothing
Yeah, we all need love
but we all get nothing
Get out while you can
Ooh...
Not everything
that sparkles
In your eyes is
a crazy diamond
I'm tired
of making trouble
Ooh...
I'm tired
of the same old dances
So let's get out
while we can
So come on, kid,
take a little trip
You wanna get high
on the east side with
All the bad kids,
very bad kids
But the shoe don't fit,
the shoe don't fit
[echoing]
The shoe don't fit
I'm an asshole, baby
But I'm an asshole, too
- What do you want?
- I'm an asshole, baby
- Why do you care?
- I'm an asshole, too
MAN: Well,
if you ever find yourself
hopeless
and without love,
always know
happiness could be
waiting for you
out there.
[rhythmic clapping]
The wrong crowd could be
the right one for you,
so don't be blue.
Sooner or later,
it will all make sense.
Just take some of these.
I'm an asshole, baby
- Why do you care?
- I'm an asshole, too
- What do you want?
- I'm an asshole, baby
- Why do you care?
- Just take some of these.
Push me out
You know you don't
wanna be lonely, too
Don't put me down
[guitar outro]
[cheering and applause]
[rock and roll]
You say you never
cross the line
With your makeup all fine
all the time
Listen to them,
and they'll do it
To the nines,
never steal it
For yourself
and say it's fine
Just sit there
and pretend you don't mind
Mm, mm
Mmmm
Yeah, yeah
Uh-huh
This time
you sit in silence
Watching everyone else
go right
Cry to yourself
and whine
Just please remember
you're trying
And you feel it
in your gut
The pain
you don't know what
Whatever's
bringing you down
Just enough to stop
you say you never
Cross the line
with your makeup all fine
All the time
listen to them
And they'll do it
to the nines
Never steal it for yourself
and say it's fine
Just sit there
and pretend you don't mind
Mm, mm
Mmmm
Yeah, yeah
Uh-huh
And this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind
Time to let 'em all
see you redefined
And this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind
Time to let 'em all
see you...
Love...
You say you never
cross the line
With your makeup all fine
all the time
Listen to them
and go do it to the nines
But this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind
Never steal it for yourself
and say it's fine
Never sit there
and pretend you're all right
Never sitting there
in silence
'Cause this time's
a different time
Gonna let 'em
all see you redefined
And cross the line
[rock and roll]
Put it in my pussy
and run
But if you run
then that's no fun
'Cause if it's gonna be
tough on me
You shouldn't be the one
that gets it for free
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
I love dick
but no baby
I love dick but no baby
If you gimme the dick
and give me a baby
Take the baby
and let me be me
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
2022 and birth control
PMS, estrogen,
I control
Fuck the nine,
and their cohort
They have a body
and nothing to abort
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
VOICE: Oh, one-two!
[rock and roll]
Hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
Got it wasted
so I'm on my own
Don't need to tell me
what I already know
A broken smile
and broken bones
Don't need to tell you
that nothing here
Is wrong
So you think
you know better?
Think I know
nothing at all
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your kind
You think
you know the truth
But you don't
look behind
Has it occurred to you
That we don't even mind?
Don't need no help
from no other
I got it covered
in glitter
I'll see the stars
from the gutter
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Got a reckless heart,
I'm not slowing down
What are you waiting for?
Let's crash this town
A broken heart
a messed-up mind
Don't need to tell you
that we won't be just fine
So you think
you know better?
You got it all
figured out
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your kind
You think
you know the truth
But you don't
look behind
Has it occurred to you
That we don't
ever mind?
Don't need no help
from no other
I got covered
in glitter
I see the stars
from the gutter
Hey, hey
So you think
you know better?
You got it all
figured out
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your kind
You think
you know the truth
But you don't
look behind
Has it occurred to you
That we don't
ever mind?
So you think
you know better?
You got it all
figured out
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your lies
Don't need no help
from no other
I got covered
in glitter
I see the stars
from the gutter
[wind blowing]
[wind stops]
[distant water drips]
[drips continue]
- [lights thud on]
- [electricity buzzing]
GIRL: Oh, my God,
I thought Mr. J's class
- was never gonna end.
- GIRL 2: Same.
I hate the way he stares
at me-- he's such a creep.
MARIA: Shit,
I knew I had it somewhere.
I totally got a demerit for
having this in English today.
SAM: Isn't that your third
demerit this week?
MARIA: Oh, I got one
in first period because
- my skirt was too short.
- NAOMI: Uh, does anyone have
a pad? I think I just
started my period.
- DANNI: I have a tampon?
- Naomi doesn't wear tampons.
- DANNI: What? Why?
- I don't know, I don't like
- sticking things up my ass.
- DANNI: You don't stick it
up your ass, you put it
in your vajiji.
That's what I meant, I just--
I don't know how to use it.
STEPHANIE:
She lives with her dad.
DANNI:
Oh, okay, watch, demo.
[soft chatter]
Vagina,
insert applicator, push up,
pull out, the end,
don't leave it in overnight.
- Here's another one.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Okay, ladies,
here's your new uniforms.
- Let's go.
- Yes, Coach Judy.
Wow, these are shorter
than the old ones.
Janie's gonna probably
complain about them
- not showing enough leg.
- JANIE: Shut up!
MARIA: I totally got
a demerit for a skirt
- longer than this today.
- JANIE: Ladies, come on,
being sexy is powerful.
KATHLENE: Yeah, reclaim it,
like, we might look like
sluts, but we want
to look like sluts.
BRANDY: Yeah, I'm down,
it's our bodies,
- we do what we want.
- DANICE: Sure, totally, yes.
But also, please,
these uniforms came
from a culture
of pleasing men.
JANIE: Here we go with Danice
and her feminism again.
Fuck the patriarchy,
we get it.
Fuck the patriarchy!
MONICA: Y'all, I don't care
about what we wear.
I do this
because I love cheer,
I freakin' love dance,
and I freakin' love
you ladies.
- We love you.
- Okay, you got 60 seconds
to get on the field,
let's hustle.
BRANDY: Hey, anyone got
an extra water bottle?
- I do.
- Where's Naomi?
- Bathroom probably.
- [overlapping chatter]
MARIA: Shit, my earring.
I'll rip my ears off.
[silence]
[whistle blowing]
- Ready...
- Okay!
We're not the bad guys,
we just want a choice
You can't silence us,
we will raise our voice
We are the future,
we're here to stay
We just want
bodily autonomy
Why are we protecting
rape and incest?
It's my body,
I decide what is best
If this is
about the right to life
Then my life matters like
your daughters and wives
We're strong and sexy,
we like our rights
And we don't wanna
give 'em up without a fight
- Ladies, are we ready?
- Oh, yeah, okay!
- Ladies, are we ready?
- Yeah! What do we say?
[rhythmic clapping]
[whistle blowing]
Give me an A!
[electricity crackling]
[phone alarm tone]
[phone alarm tone]
[sighing]
[urinating]
[yawning, groaning]
[phone chime]
[vibrating, rapid chimes]
[distant phone chimes]
[groaning]
[groaning]
[groaning]
[muffled sobs]
[muffled sobs]
[muffled shriek]
[muffled shriek]
[muffled groaning]
[gasping]
Aah!
[panting]
[hoarse gasps]
[ominous music]
[strained sobs]
[distant sobs]
[all sobbing, wincing]
- [phone chime]
- Don't, Sienna.
Sienna?
Oh, looks like he's here,
I'll call you later.
- Depending on how things go.
- Sounds good.
Sienna?
Mark?
[laughing] Wow.
Um, you are really hot,
even better than
your profile picture.
- Thanks, you too.
- It seems like half the time,
an entirely different
human being shows up.
Instead of DTF, they should
call it bait-and-switch.
- [laughing]
- Yeah.
Thank you,
I ordered us beers.
Cheers.
Contract law.
- Wow.
- Yeah, yeah.
I plan to work
in criminal defense,
helping kids who are
caught in the system.
Oh, shit,
so you're, like,
- saving the world and shit.
- [laughing]
And shit, yeah.
What about you?
I'm a surfer.
[laughing]
Yeah, well, it sounds
- like you're very active.
- Oh, yeah.
Speaking of, uh,
you wanna get out of here?
Definitely.
I definitely do.
You are so hot.
You are.
- So, are you pro?
- No, not yet.
But that's the goal.
If things work out
with the sponsor
I'm talking to,
I'll be on the tour
this year.
[sighing]
So, how about you?
What's next?
- What's next what?
- You know,
once you finish school?
Whole marriage, kids thing?
Aww, you wanna get
to know me, that's cute.
Um, to be honest with you,
I don't see myself
participating in
the patriarchal oppression
of monogamy, marriage,
or child-rearing at all.
I think there are
enough kids in the world.
I intend to do
what I want when I want,
and help the young people
who are already here.
Ooh, I totally get that.
That's admirable, man.
[sighing]
[sighing]
[sighing]
Uh, I hate
to ruin the moment,
but because we were talking
about the future,
I have to ask...
what happens
if I get pregnant?
We use protection.
Obviously, but, I mean,
that's not 100%.
Accidents do happen,
and now that abortion's
no longer an option,
I think we need to discuss
what happens
if that happens.
Uh... well, I guess...
we'll... we'll figure it out.
Might be the lawyer in me,
but I think we need
to figure it out now.
[phone ringing]
- Who're you calling?
- Mm.
Megan, hi, I have that
last-minute contract for you.
Would you mind just...
having a little chat
- with my attorney?
- Your attorney?
- Yeah.
- Okay, yeah.
So, Mark, meet Megan.
Megan, Mark.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Mark.
Congratulations
on having sex with Sienna.
Oh, uh... thank you.
I'll go through this
as quickly as I can,
so you two can get to it.
Do you consent
- to being recorded?
- You mean during sex?
- [laughing]
- No, just so that
we can go over the contract.
Oh, right, uh...
okay, yeah.
So, this is just
a simple sex contract,
stating that you and Sienna
agree to go into
a consensual sexual encounter
to be concluded
at any point in time
that either of you so choose.
Do you agree?
I'm sorry,
I require a verbal yes or no.
- Oh, yes.
- Yes for me.
You both agree to use
prophylactic condoms,
as directed,
during said sexual encounter.
- I do. I mean, yes.
- Me, too.
Finally, Mark, should Sienna
accidentally become pregnant
as a result of this
consensual sexual encounter,
you acknowledge that
you've been made aware that
Sienna intends to focus
on her career
and has no intention
or interest
in raising any child
that might result
from said consensual
sexual encounter; further,
being as the federal law
currently bans all abortion,
even in the event of rape,
incest, or health
of the mother, do you agree,
that in the event that
there was an unwanted
pregnancy, that Sienna would
have no legal
or financial obligation
to any child born
after the execution
of this legally-binding
contract?
Uh... just to be clear,
if I say "no," then
we're not having sex, right?
Right, okay...
then I guess
it's... a yes.
Fantastic.
And just one final provision:
if a child is born,
you, Mark-- I'm sorry,
- what was your full name?
- Mark Darren Greer.
You, Mark Darren Greer,
agree to sole parentage,
sole custody,
and to maintain any and all
financial obligations
for said child
from his earliest six weeks
of pregnancy through
- said child's 18th birthday.
- Yep, yep, yes.
- Whatever, yes.
- Okay, this contract
is hereby executed.
I just need to do
a quick retina scan.
[whirring, tone]
And if you could just give me
a thumbprint here.
- [tone]
- Yes, and if you could
e-sign there.
Congratulations,
you and Sienna are
officially cleared for sex.
Have fun, you two.
[sighing]
That was a lot.
How are you feeling?
Still...
DTF?
Totally.
[ringing]
My controller glitched--
two out of three.
- [men hollering]
- Mark Darren Greer?
Yeah...
I'm sorry,
do I know you?
Hi, um, we met
nine months ago.
I'm Sienna Campbell's
attorney.
Sienna... oh, yeah.
- Right, what's up?
- I'm here to execute
the fulfillment
of your sex contract.
- Meet your daughter, Emma.
- [baby whimpering]
Oh...
[gasping]
[baby coughing]
[gate creaking]
[baby crying]
[baby crying]
[rock and roll music]
Down to fuck
down to fuck
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck
[music]
[ominous music]
[music fades]
Today's an exciting day
for all of us.
I can sense
some feelings of anxiety
in the room right now,
and that's normal.
Even I was anxious
before my first lesson.
If any of you are feeling
nervous at any time,
the Association has
provided a little something
to help calm your nerves.
Now, I'm sure you all have
a lot of questions.
I hope to answer all of them
before the end of this.
I'm going to be
passing these around.
Please take one
and pass them back.
[suspenseful music]
What's wrong?
You don't wanna be
left behind, do you?
Good girl.
You are all
doing the right thing.
Now... are there
any questions?
Does it hurt?
No.
No, it's as close to God
as you will ever be.
How many times
do we get to it?
As many times as you can!
- What if it doesn't work?
- It will work.
As women,
after our 19th year,
our bodies are...
as ready as
they will ever be.
What's that?
That...
is a very generous donation
from the Association.
He has accelerated
the course,
which in turn has given us
a 100% success rate
in seeding!
One hundred years ago,
when our Supreme Court
made that brave decision,
overturning
that archaic bill,
it brought in a new era
of putting life first.
[ecstatic sighing]
I thank God
every day
for putting me
in this situation.
So that we may continue
to give the gift
of conception.
[ecstatic sighing]
Now...
we can do this the long way,
where I go over
what's in your booklets,
you take notes,
you learn,
blah blah blah.
[scattered giggling]
Or...
we can do this the fun way.
Do I have
any volunteers?
[soft giggling]
Wow, so eager, hmm?
Vita?
Can you come up
to the front of the class?
[ominous music]
Vita... please?
[soft laugh]
Thank you for volunteering.
[laughter]
Wasn't that brave?
Coming up here all by herself?
[soft laughter]
Now, class,
what should Vita do next?
She should get
on top of him.
Great suggestion.
Did you hear that?
She says you should get
on top of him.
Good, Vita.
Now, class,
now what should Vita do?
She should grind on him.
Yes, she should grind
on the dummy.
Grind on the dummy.
[rhythmic breathing]
[strong gasps]
[halting breaths]
You should be
very proud of yourself.
Good girl.
[ominous music]
Send the next group in.
- [music]
- [insects buzzing]
So blessed our love,
us ladies
- Aah...
- God gave us
Our precious babies
Y'all sure I can't get you
anything other than water?
Oh, I make the absolute
best ice lattes.
Absolutely heaven-sent.
Oh, and don't worry,
we've got decaf for Mama.
- [canned laughter]
- Oh, we're actually
- not pregnant.
- Ah-ah!
Not yet, honey.
[laughing]
Uh, actually
I can't get pregnant.
Well, the Lord works
in mysterious ways.
[chime]
[humming]
[soft canned laughter]
All of these fertility places
are like this.
Completely baby-obsessed.
Obsessed with the mommies,
obsessed with the daddies.
- Knock-knock.
- [canned applause]
Hi, I'm Dr. Lizbeth.
Thank you so much
for coming in today.
Janie, this is
my boyfriend Alex.
- Hi.
- Uh, it's nice to meet you,
- Dr. Elizabeth.
- Oh, no.
It's just Dr. Lizbeth,
not "E-lizabeth."
That was my grandmother's
grandmother.
[canned laughter]
And you two,
such a lovely married couple.
Oh, actually no, not yet.
We've been together
almost ten years now.
We've just been to so many
of our friends' weddings
that we decided
we should just wait.
But somebody did
catch the bouquet
- at the last one, so.
- [canned laughter]
[laughing]
I have been married
for 20 years
to my wonderful
husband Luke,
and we have
three precious babies.
That's Kayleigh, Bayleigh,
and J.C., our boy.
Named for Jesus Christ
but also my favorite member
- of NSYNC.
- [canned laughter]
But don't tell
my husband that!
[uproarious laughter]
Seriously, don't.
Um, you have
a lovely family, Doctor,
but we are not
quite ready for that yet.
Oh, but what are
you two waiting for?
A stork delivery?
'Cause I've got
some bad news for you...
he's retired!
[canned laughter]
- He's retired!
- Yeah.
I see here
we have 13 gorgeous babies.
Gorgeous, huh?
Must get it from me.
[canned laughter]
Um, actually
they're frozen embryos,
they aren't babies.
Oh.
[laughing]
We are actually here, um,
because of this letter
you sent.
Was there an issue
with our payment--
Oh, no-no-no, nothing--
nothing like that.
We are part
of a new program
that protects
every child in the state
from day one
to heaven above.
I was particularly touched
when I read your file, Janie.
You had breast cancer
in your 20s?
- That is so incredibly sad.
- [audience aww's]
Yeah, that's the reason
we froze embryos
to begin with.
We weren't even sure
if we were going to use them.
Just wanted to, you know,
keep our options open.
Actually we've been thinking
about adoption, maybe?
I don't know, surrogacy just
seems so stressful.
Such a silly idea
when you've already
been so blessed.
Nobody wants to go through
all that adoption paperwork.
Boo, paperwork's
the worst, right?
[canned laughter]
Plus, you're already
starting a family.
A family of 15.
That's gonna be
a lot of diapers.
[canned laughter]
Again, they're frozen embryos.
They are not babies.
And it was made
very clear to us that,
during the process,
we would actually have
- to discard several embryos.
- Ssh!
- [audience gasps]
- You don't want
your precious babies
to hear you.
[heartbeat thuds]
[sighing]
Life begins
at conception.
And that includes
the embryonic form.
Just like your 13 precious,
little...
[echoing]
babies.
Thank you so much
for your time, Doctor,
but we actually have
got to get going.
Thirteen...
precious lives
put at risk,
all for your sinful
and reckless lifestyle.
- [laughing]
- Okay,
like she said,
we're leaving.
[alarm buzzes]
- What the hell is this?!
- Unfortunately, Janie,
we will be
arresting you today
on 13 charges
of child abuse and neglect,
13 charges of attempted
baby-killing--
What the fuck are
you talking about?!
- They aren't children!
- Maybe you should've
prayed more
before the devil cursed you
with all that cancer
for your sins.
Fuck you, Dr. Elizabeth,
you insane fucking fuck!
That's not my fucking name!
- [groaning, shrieking]
- [laughing]
[laughing]
So blessed,
all of us ladies
God gave us...
Our precious babies
[canned laughter]
[music]
[gasping]
Pull over! Stop the car!
- I can't-I can't breathe!
- No-no-no, you're breathing,
you're breathing,
just too fast.
No, I can't breathe, I think
I'm having a heart attack.
No-no-no, you're not having
a heart attack, Kate.
I promise, you're not having
a heart attack. It's okay.
Look at me, look at me,
you are so strong
for making this decision
for yourself, and I know
we've been
to five different places.
- I'm not okay.
- But we're here early
this time,
I think you'll make it in.
- It's not okay... [sobbing]
- [shushing]
You're okay.
It's okay, we're--
we're so close, I know,
I know, but I'm here.
I'm here, and afterwards
we can go get a slushie,
and you'll never have to think
about this again, okay?
But we-we have to go,
right now, okay?
Or you're gonna lose
your chance.
We have to go now, okay?
Okay, okay.
[crying]
I know, I know, I know.
[sniffing, sobbing]
Okay.
- Here.
- [sobbing]
- Are you ready?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- [protestors hollering]
- It's okay.
Ignore them.
Ignore them, ignore them.
[hollering]
[hollering continues]
[hollering continues]
Hey, hey, I'm gonna be
next to you the whole time.
I can't do this.
Look, look, do you remember
when we were kids?
We would go swimming
in the pool all the time
- during the summer?
- [thumping]
- What?
- You were always
so much better at holding
your breath than I was.
- [hollering]
- Hey.
Hey, look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Not them, not them.
Don't look at them.
Look, you could
hold your breath
for almost three minutes.
Just do that today.
Three minutes,
and then it's done.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay?
Three minutes.
- Three minutes.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Yeah, I-- okay.
- Let's go, let's go.
You don't have to do this.
What're you doing here,
huh? Huh?
It's okay, there are people
here to help you.
Is it you?
Are you a child killer?
You should be ashamed!
How dare you?!
Leave her alone!
Leave her alone!
[overlapping shouts]
[overlapping shouts]
WOMAN:
Go to hell, bitch!
Why are you doing this?!
Turn around,
save your child.
[ominous music]
[overlapping shouts]
[overlapping shouts]
- Stop!
- [overlapping shouts]
Stop!
[overlapping shouts]
[gasping]
[music]
[electricity crackling]
[buzzing]
[light woodwind music]
[music]
[music continues]
[buzzing]
[birds tweeting]
[wind chimes ringing]
[beeping]
[clunk, creak]
[woman gasping]
[beep]
[muffled speech]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[distant buzzing]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[buzzing]
[birds cawing]
[electricity crackling]
MAN:
Just to confirm real quick,
your daughter is
Gabi, age 12.
That's right.
And, uh, no other children
in the house?
All right, Mr. Sanchez, if you
could just sign this for me.
You think this is enough?
For what we've lost?
Look, man,
I'm just here to install.
You can call
your representative.
[soft music]
[door closes]
[soft music]
[chime]
WOMAN: Gabi?
Why don't you tell me what's
going on with you today?
Uh, I finished
my book today.
That's great, sweetie.
And all my friends are coming.
I'm officially a teenager.
Feliz Cumpleaos to me!
- [whistling]
- That's great, sweetie.
He doesn't listen,
and I told him
what kind to get,
and he got me
the wrong one again.
I feel like I'm walking around
in a diaper.
You'll be
all right, sweetie.
Why did he ask me
to meet his parents
if he was just gonna
break up with me?
You'll be
all right, sweetie.
Gosh, say something else.
- You'll be--
- Stop, please.
Say something real.
I just want you
to talk to me!
Really.
I'm not allowed, Gabi.
Please?
You'll be all right, sweetie.
[soft music]
[door closes]
Es tuya, Gabi.
Okay, but I haven't
touched it in years.
No lo tienes que usar,
pero no tiene
- sentido aqu.
- You don't get it.
Okay, it won't hurt
if you take it.
It does!
It does hurt me, Dad.
Every time I look at that,
I think of all the ways
that you weren't there for me.
All the times that you let
a government contractor
be my parent
when you didn't feel like it.
You never fucking
felt like it!
Gabi, this is
what they gave us.
And...
I was doing my best.
It wasn't enough.
Not even close.
Gabi!
Gabi!
What's, uh...
what's in the box?
I guess Dad's moving
out of his house.
Sent me the last of my things.
Feliz Cumpleaos to me.
[soft piano music]
- [phone chime]
- Gabi?
I-I didn't think
you would be allowed.
Oh, they stopped monitoring
our line years ago.
Told me to disconnect it,
but I didn't.
I should have...
Guess their plan
did not work, huh?
I'm so sorry,
I always wanted to say more,
to be better for you.
Why'd you do it?
I got to have
my abortion years ago.
I always knew I didn't want
children, but...
there's a curiosity there.
Even in the certainty.
And I guess I thought I...
I thought I was helping.
Why did you pick it up again?
Oh, I, um...
I guess my dad is...
is moving, and...
You guess?
We're not close.
He picked up the phone once.
- Really?
- I couldn't say anything
to him, but he...
he talked.
If it means anything
to you now, he cared for you
so very much.
He was trying very hard
to do right by you.
I, um...
I'm pregnant.
Do you...
Do you want to...
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
I, um...
I have a partner,
and...
he's good,
and we're ready.
I just...
um...
my...
my mom wanted her baby too.
Her second baby.
And it just,
it went wrong,
and they wouldn't help her.
And I'm just--
I'm scared that,
that, what if
it's genetic, you know?
what if-what if it goes
wrong for me too?
And they won't
help me and...
I don't want
to die for this.
But I'm scared that
they're gonna make me.
Gabi...
oh, Gabi...
you'll be all right, sweetie.
[music]
[electricity crackling]
[music]
[clink]
Braintree, March 31, 1776.
I wish you would ever
write me a letter
half as long as I write you.
Mm, I long to hear
that you have declared
an independence,
and by the way,
in the new code of laws,
which I suppose it will be
necessary for you to make,
I desire you would
remember the ladies...
and be more generous
and favorable to them
than your ancestors.
April 14th, 1776,
as to your extraordinary
code of laws...
I cannot but laugh.
[laughter]
We've been told that
our struggle has loosened
the bands of government
everywhere, that, uh,
children and apprentices
were disobedient,
that schools and colleges
were grown turbulent,
that Indians slighted
their guardians
and Negroes grew insolent
to their masters.
But your letter was
the first intimation that
another tribe,
more numerous and powerful
than all the rest,
were grown discontented.
This is rather
too coarse a compliment,
but you are... so saucy,
I won't blot it out.
Do not put
such unlimited power
into the hands
of the husbands.
Remember, all men would be
tyrants if they could.
If particular care
and attention is not paid
to the ladies,
we are determined
to foment a rebellion.
And we'll not hold
ourselves bound
by any laws
in which we have
no voice or representation.
That your sex are
naturally tyrannical
is a truth so...
thoroughly established
as to admit of no dispute,
but such of you as wish
to be happy willingly,
give up the harsh title
of master.
For the more tender
and endearing one
of friend.
Put it out of the power
of the vicious
and the lawless
to use us with cruelty.
Men of sense in all ages
abhor these customs
which treat us only
as the vessels of your sex.
We know better than to repeal
our masculine systems.
Although they are
in full force,
you know they are
little more than theory.
We dare not exert our power
in its full latitude.
We are obliged to go fair
and softly...
and in practice,
you know that
we are the subjects.
Regard us then as beings
placed by providence
under your protection,
and in imitation
of the supreme being,
make use of that power
only for our happiness.
[dramatic chord]
I long to hear that you have
declared an independency.
And by the way,
in the new code of laws,
which I suppose it will be
necessary for you to make,
I desire
you would remember
the ladies.
And be more generous
and favorable to them
than your ancestors.
[whoosh]
[bird cawing]
[electricity crackling]
Finally, you've made
the decision
to take control of your life.
[giggling]
...wink!
You've made the decision
to choose Plan C,
the only birth control
approved
- by the federal government.
- Tell me more!
Waah!
Unlike previous forms
of contraception
outlawed by the court...
Plan C has no side effects,
well, unless you count
a clear complexion,
carefree weight loss,
and my favorite side effect...
copious coitus.
[ding]
Plan C gave me a choice,
and lucky for me,
I chose him.
Commitment.
Thanks to Plan C,
I'll always be committed
to my partner,
from when we eat
to when we make love...
[laughing]
...we're always in sync.
Always.
Plan C combines
state of the art
drone technology
with the latest
in nano-robotics,
to create
an intra-uterine device
more advanced
than ever before.
Your doctor inserts
the device vaginally,
and after
a simple cognitive test,
aligns the system...
[distorted] ...with
the complimentary app.
Just a simple
in-office procedure--
simple in-office procedure--
[glitching voices]
[long beep]
And you're set, for life.
And when you're ready
for that next step,
just tell your doctor,
and once he--
- [thud]
- --or she has
confirmed you're eligible,
they painlessly adjust
the settings
so you can conceive.
[thud]
Commitment, choice, control.
Contraception that works.
That's why I chose
Plan C.
Plan C,
the only plan for me
Talk to your doctor to see
if Plan C is
right for you!
God, I hate that song.
Your legally-required viewing
is complete; do you have
any more questions
before you consent
to Plan C?
[clatter]
Will it hurt?
When you put it in?
Yes.
Hurts a lot.
Do you still consent?
Yeah, can we do it today?
Like, right now?
[clatter]
[echoing humming]
[humming continues]
Plan C,
the only plan for me
[whirring]
[music]
[electricity crackling]
[ominous music]
- Hey, Jodie.
- Hey, Carla.
- Hey, come on in, hey, y'all.
- Hey.
You good?
Go on in.
- How much time we got today?
- I've only got, like,
- 20 minutes.
- My next shift is
- across town.
- I've got ten.
- What, no Della?
- She's doing a triple today.
What?
Fuck, okay.
All right,
that's enough.
You gotta get up,
get dressed,
get your ass out the door.
No one's coming for us.
[soft sobs]
You gotta go to one job
and then the next job
and then the next job,
and you look forward.
One day at a time, okay?
Just one day at a time.
I smell like bleach.
Ugh, here, let me take this.
I know you don't wanna
hear that, but you don't have
any other choice,
none of us do.
[soft whispers]
[soft whispers]
...get to see each other.
I miss you too.
I miss you too.
- Thank you.
- I'm gonna see you tonight.
I'm gonna see you
tonight, okay?
I miss you.
You don't got to worry.
No, it's gonna be okay,
I can tell you that
- from experience, honey.
- I'm scared.
- I know.
- That's normal.
For your safety.
You can trust us,
you're safe.
Just go with it.
[soft sobs]
I can't do it,
I can't do it.
[soft sobs]
CARLA: You got to harden
yourself now, you hear me?
Catch the bus, make the beds,
feed the mouths,
grow the babies,
birth the babies,
raise the babies.
Work.
WOMAN 2: And when you feel
like you're gonna break,
you come here.
We'll get you cleaned up,
we'll get you dressed
every day, if we have to.
I wish it wasn't
this way, honey...
but it is.
Okay?
[echoing]
Okay?
Okay.
[music]
[fly buzzing]
[electricity crackling]
License and registration?
Thank you. Do you know
why I pulled you over today?
No, officer, I do not.
Uh, you were using
the carpool lane
despite being
one single solitary person.
Oh, well, actually,
I am driving for two.
- Oh!
- Just a few months.
Cool, well,
points for creativity,
and congratulations,
but that doesn't count
so I'm still gonna have
to ticket you.
Oh, well, you definitely
don't have to.
Um, you could just
let me off with a warning.
Legally, there are
two of us, please?
I really can't handle
a $250 ticket right now.
- It's $490.
- What?!
Oh, my God, no,
I definitely can't--
Okay, don't fall
into the victim role here,
all right? God has
a plan for you, Jenna.
And single moms have
made it work
since the beginning of time.
You got this.
You can't force me
to have a baby
and pay a speeding ticket.
It's not actually
a speeding ticket--
Whatever!
It's all part
of God's plan, okay?
The burden is heavier
on us as women,
but that's because
we're stronger.
He never gives us challenges
that we can't overcome.
I mean, suicide's a thing.
Yeah, that's
that victim mentality,
it'll kill ya,
that's what I'm saying.
Usually I just take a photo
and it auto-populates but--
So, you think
that this is a baby.
- Yeah.
- Well, then you can't
possibly write me up
for driving with my baby.
I can, uh, and I am.
Except, menu, it's not--
oh, it's loading.
All right, just gotta
wait for it to--
might take a second.
Have you seen the new season
of "Ozark"? It's good.
- Ahh, we're back.
- Stop writing that.
Hey, I said stop writing.
I'm gonna need you
to stay in your vehicle.
Look, a ticket is no big deal,
but threatening an officer,
- that's a big deal.
- Yeah, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
But, look, I am
really struggling right now.
I could really please just use
the tiniest bit of kindness.
- Please.
- I get it.
I don't wanna be a mom,
that seems really hard.
But that's why I keep
my legs closed.
It's pretty straightforward,
you know, I mean,
for the future,
too late now, but...
You have heard of rape, right?
- One in six American women--
- If a baby isn't meant
to be born,
the body will reject it.
Isn't that amazing?
It's all in God's hands.
Oh, yeah, then
what about that ticket?
Is that in God's hands?
'Cause that looks
- like that's in your hands.
- Oh, hey.
I got a gun, right?
So we're gonna calm down.
I understand
that you're hormonal,
but you gotta relax and get
back inside the vehicle.
What is gonna happen
when I can't pay my rent
because of that ticket?
And what if it's God's plan
that I miscarry him,
and I get charged with murder?
It's scarier than that gun.
Okay, you know,
when a dog
is about to be euthanized,
it's very sad,
none of us like it, but
they have to do it sometimes.
But occasionally
it outsmarts the human
and hides in a corner
or escapes.
Usually, even when
they find the dog,
they grant the dog
a stay, right, because
the thinking is,
well, maybe that dog is
destined to live, right?
Just gotta think
about a baby like that.
I am not a violent person,
but I do mean you bodily harm.
I'm gonna need you
to get back in the car.
Oh, fuck.
Hey, hey, it's okay,
it's okay.
We're just gonna write you
this one ticket.
I'm not gonna cuff you
or anything, you can
handle one ticket, okay?
Let's try to...
Oh... okay.
That was... it's a bit
like trying to pat your head
and rub your belly at the same
time, you know what I mean?
Oh, that was close,
but that's what I'm saying is
- it's all part of--
- [blam]
[screaming]
[up-beat rock and roll]
[song continues]
- [electricity crackling]
- [helicopter whirring]
[birds tweeting]
[car starts]
[sighing]
[upbeat funk playing]
[music continues]
[new wave synth beat]
[music continues]
Hey.
Hey, beautiful.
What's your name?
[laughing]
[static fuzzing]
[disquieting music]
What's your name?
Nothing?
Hey, beautiful?
I'm trying to talk to you.
Huh.
Fuckin' rude.
- Bitch.
- Hey, Mister.
Want to play backseat bingo?
Okay, silent treatment.
Hey, beautiful!
Nothing?
[echoing]
Hey, Mister!
[eerie music]
- [engines roaring]
- [electricity crackling]
[birds cawing]
- [camera shutter snaps]
- I need a playboy
Super smash game boy,
send a dick pic...
WOMAN: Previously
on "Crucible Island"...
I can't wait to find out
why we're here, okay?
For two reasons, one,
'cause Henny-thing is
possible, baby.
And two,
if there's a cash prize,
I'm gonna use that
as seed money
for my staplecoin startup.
Fingers crossed that this is
a home renovation show.
People think moving a palm is
just like moving
any other tree,
but it takes a...
a real gentle touch.
I have some medical bills
piling up.
Just a... sorcery mishap.
Heh, so I could
definitely use the cash
to make those, um--
ts-ts-ts-tsah!
Disappear.
I'm just hoping
this is a springboard
- to get my brand out there.
- [laughing]
I'm not eating no bug though.
Honestly, I guess
I'm really here
- just to find love.
- Love.
[bubbling and popping]
- [ding]
- Or a new assistant.
[music]
[hip hop playing]
[audience cheering]
Hello, hello, hello.
Seems you've all settled in.
I bet everyone is dying
to know
why you're all here.
[assorted cheers]
[wolf-whistles]
Let's go ahead and call
this lovely lady Bernadette.
Right? Oh, man, if this is
what we're working with,
I'm hella excited.
Oh, I'm glad I tanned
my balls for this.
Ooh, she is really smokin'.
[laughing]
[both laughing]
Now, Bernadette has just
come back from the doctor,
and we can confirm
she is with child.
We brought you five here
to deduce
which of you heathens put
Bernadette in the family way.
RECORDED BABY:
[giggling] ...dada.
Now, once the lucky
impregnator is rooted out,
he will leave
the house a father!
[laughing]
Or with an 18-year
financial commitment to pay
child support.
[audience cheering]
Okay, are you ready,
Bernadette?
I have never seen
this woman before.
I don't even know
a Bernadette.
This is unacceptable.
I refuse to speak
unless my lawyer is present.
Ruthie, please bring in
Geoff's contract,
highlighting articles 37,
42, and 68.9.
There's this one,
this one...
Well, that's settled.
Get some sleep, boys.
Tomorrow, you face judgment
in the Reckoning Round.
[overlapping shouts]
I have so many bills going on!
HENNY: What about
my staplecoin startup?
[bell clanging]
Geoff, how many women have
you slept with
this year to date?
One.
My wife.
- Oh.
- [phone ringing]
Oh, well, seems we have
some studio callers
claiming that is perjurious.
- Ruthie?
- [beep]
WOMAN:
You have a fucking wife?
WOMAN 2: Does she paint you
with hummus?
WOMAN 3: You told me
you loved me this morning.
Look at you.
So many followers.
[chuckling]
How many of these women
have you slept with?
- Henny.
- April-May June.
That's me-- Henny,
have you had sex with women
or a woman
in the last five months?
Uh, yes, I-I have,
yeah, you know.
- Just one, though.
- Oh, one's enough.
Were you safe
when you did this?
- I think so.
- [buzzer]
Braden's been
bragging about tail
since we got here.
He's your guy.
It wasn't me.
I always pull out.
Pointing fingers
at others is always
the best line of defense.
Geoff, have you ever paid
for someone to have
a secret abortion?
- Never.
- [phones ringing]
The Wisdom Round.
- [ding]
- [applause]
Where do a woman's eggs
come from?
Her hoo-hoo.
Um... God?
No, but you are
all still in the game.
Question number two,
how is an embryo created?
Through alcohol and mistakes,
am I right?
I know this one.
The fallopian tubes.
It's not, it's not,
it's not the fallopian tubes.
Question number three,
can you name
the female
reproductive hormones?
Is the answer boobs?
Potassium.
Science, brah.
Well, this is
an abomination.
Hi, uh, April-May June.
So, obviously
I don't know much
about reproductive
stuff, and...
being here has made me realize
that I haven't been
the best guy,
but seeing Bernadette,
I'm, like, starting
to feel things
that I've never
felt before.
So, I just wanna say,
if it was me,
I accept full responsibility.
[all gasping]
[sighing]
Wow, thank you, Henny.
Bernadette,
is Henny the father?
- No!
- [sighing]
Well, Henny,
you are not the father.
But your willingness
to take accountability
for your actions has
been noted.
So, Henny, you have been
released from your witch hunt.
Your time on "Crucible Island"
has officially come
to an end.
Thank you. Henny-thing
is possible, guys.
He really was
the only one of you I liked.
Our expert will monitor
your polygraph units,
so no lies.
Welcome to the alibi round.
Geoff, where were you
on the night of March 17th?
I was home with my wife.
- Where I always am.
- Well, that's great.
Let's see if Mrs. Geoff
can corroborate.
Let's get her
on the line, Ruthie.
LINDY: Hi, April-May,
as much as I don't wanna help
this narcissistic [bleep]
small-[bleep]
[bleep] [bleep]-boy loser,
we were at home that night
waiting for a couch delivery.
There's ring-cam footage.
As usual, Geoff was rude
to the delivery guys.
Serve him, Abigail!
Hey, Lindy, wait,
please, I--
- [dial tone]
- Eh, yeah, we lost her.
All right, Geoff,
you're not the father.
[gasping]
Well, you have officially been
released from your witch hunt.
Your time on "Crucible Island"
has come to an end.
Now get the fuck out.
I lost, and then I won,
and that's politics.
We are down to three.
So, who's the culprit?
Is it Braden?
Is it Marco?
Is it Keith?
You have three seconds to
answer this question, Braden,
where were you
on the night of March 17th?
- [buzzer]
- You're gonna need to be
quicker, okay,
moving on to Marco.
March 17th, St. Paddy's Day.
I was with
my frisbee golf team,
chugging pitchers
on a parade float.
Hah! I was on a parade float.
Did you have sex?
Nah...
- yeah.
- Oh, my fucking God.
why are we believing
Mr. Dick-Every-Girl-Down?
It's obviously fucking Braden.
Why me? Huh?
Why not magic man here?
He conjures.
I mean, I guess he can
conjure a babe
who fuckin' knows--
then he can conjure
another girl.
Oh, what the fuck, Keith,
Braden literally
calls himself
a clit whisperer.
'Cause it's fuckin' true.
- Mm-hmm.
- Fuckin' Braden.
Fuck you, pipsqueak.
Maybe it's you,
fuck you!
[thudding]
[lights clicking on]
Shall we let the final three
in on our little secret?
Before you were brought here,
Bernadette decided she was
not ready to be a mother.
Not emotionally, not mentally,
not financially.
She went ahead and made
the terminal decision
to have an illegal abortion,
and her actions resulted
in her immediate arrest
and pending prosecution.
[clanging]
- [relieved sighs]
- Fuck yeah.
Now, in the good old US of A,
we have a saying.
Ruthie, can you tell us
what the saying is?
It takes two to tango.
- [guitar strum]
- And once we expose
whomever was
the reputed father,
he too will face
manslaughter charges
alongside Bernadette!
- What?
- She will not tango alone.
I can't go to jail
for a hookup.
It's time for
the Persecution Round.
Let's turn our inquiry over
to the home tribunal.
Folks at home, call 555-1111
to let us know
who you denounce.
[phone ringing]
- Go ahead, caller.
- MAN: I'm pretty sure
Braden did it, he just
looks like a piece of shit.
- Who the fuck is this?
- I'm just a self-righteous
asshole that has now been
emboldened by the patriarchy
and legally enabled to impose
my narrow-minded morality
on anyone
I damn well please.
So, your word
or mine, stranger.
...that's fucking insane.
Next caller claims
to have a connection
to one of you!
WOMAN: Hi, I'm the HR rep
that hired Marco
for our corporate retreat.
He swore he could make
the underwriters disappear,
but instead,
he made my underwear
disappear.
Every last pair.
Even when I bought new ones.
I mean,
he is a good magician,
but he's definitely a perv.
- Abracadabra, loser.
- Oh, you're so damn smug.
When did you get that T-shirt,
spring break?
Yes, actually.
Daytona, where I got COVID
for the whole month of March.
I was bedridden
the entire time I was there.
Keith, you evade punishment.
Keith-It-Reals, you are
released from your witch hunt.
Your time at "Crucible Island"
has come to an end.
- Later, bozos.
- Fuck off.
And then there were two.
Find out who gets raked
over the fiery coals
of feticide next time
on "Crucible Island."
[ding]
- [helicopter whirring]
- [electricity crackling]
[drumroll]
ANNOUNCER:
The following program is
brought to you
by VCTV.
[chime]
Welcome...
to Vasectopia.
A place where you can
finally be yourself again.
Take it away, friends.
- MAN: Come on, let's go!
- MAN 2: Okay!
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place
for you and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Now, what we've learned here
at Vasectopia is that
men aren't crazy about
unwanted pregnancies either.
Right, Kevin?
So we've created a world
where people can
enjoy their lives
and have as much sex
as they consent to,
without the fear
of going to jail.
And don't forget...
bodily autonomy.
In a world
that's dark and sad
Getting pregnant can
be real bad
Now the government
owns your uterus
We got a place to hide
that can be your bliss
Trying to buy contraception
on the black market
out there in the real world?
[laughing]
Don't be ridiculous.
Here, you can get it for free.
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place for you
and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Outside these gates,
you can go to prison
If a sperm and egg have
some sexy fission
Doesn't matter
if it's incest, rape
Or can kill you,
the government owns
Your body more than you do
[drumroll]
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place for you
and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Ding dong ding...
Vasectopia
Ding dong ding dong
Ding dong
ding dong
And the best part
about Vasectopia is...
well, it's in the name.
Come to our doors
and get your snip snip
In our penis-shaped pool,
you can go for a dip
We also have
vagina lollipops
You can lick 'em all day,
and we'll get you off
Vasectopia's
the place to be
It's a place for you
and me
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Seriously,
why is this only on us?
You can't get pregnant
in a place like this
Let Vasectopia be
your bliss
Vasectopia.
Join us.
[helicopter whirring]
[electricity crackling]
[helicopter whirring]
[soft music]
REPORTER: ...would be
a monumental decision,
and we are at the capitol
of the last holdout state
to keep pro-choice
abortion rights
since the Supreme Court
overturned Roe v. Wade
over a decade ago
on June 24th, 2022.
The state has become
a battleground
for the pro-life movement
and politicians.
Today, the governor is due
to sign the ratification
presented by
the state senate.
The announcement could be
the end of this process,
- which has since led to--
- [door dinging]
the banning of
abortion rights in 49 states.
As we wait for the decision,
let's go to other--
[mutes TV]
[knocking on door]
[door dinging]
POLITICIAN: ...we are
looking out for the unborn.
Mainstream media want you
to believe
that we aren't pro-women!
Being pro-life
and pro-women's rights
aren't mutually exclusive!
[woman straining]
[woman panting]
[monitor beeping]
WOMAN:
Oh, God...
oh, you can do it.
You can do it.
[monitor beeping]
[woman gasping, panting]
Is some...
Is someone there?
[watch beeping]
[sighing]
[chuckling]
Juanita, mi amor,
- cudate, por favor.
- [knocking on door]
[beeping]
- No.
- [door dinging]
[sighing]
Hey, Vi.
Lookin' bien as usual.
Heh, Officer Hall.
Uh, been busy today.
Huh.
- That's all right.
- Yeah.
I have time.
Time.
Ahh, see, this girl has
the whole department crazy.
You know, I had to work Olast night because we got
a tip that she was, you know,
seen a few miles from here.
I... I hope she's okay.
Where's your...
your little helper?
- Um...
- [laughing]
Juanita,
she took the day off.
She went to the capitol.
Ahh, Juanita.
I just hope
she's on the right side
of this mess.
You know, it can be...
muy malo.
[machine bubbling]
Coffee's ready.
Ahh.
[soft whistling]
[shaking mix]
[stirring]
Caf con leche.
Yeah, yeah,
that's exactly it.
- That's how I like it.
- Mm.
[slurping]
Mmm.
- [chuckling]
- Too strong?
Uh, nah, nah, nah,
it's fine.
It's just fine.
- Thanks, Vi.
- Mm-hmm.
[door dinging]
- What's up?
- You're not gonna
believe this.
Oh, my gosh.
- Is that--
- We can't.
- We are fucked.
- I mean, if she makes it,
what's stopping her
from ratting us out?
This is the job.
Please help me.
[soft sobs]
Hang on.
[sniffling]
Thank you.
Okay.
It's okay.
You made it.
[groaning]
- We want to help you.
- [doorbell dinging]
Shit.
- Ssh.
- [soft whispers]
Shit... por favor,
no se vayan,
don't go anywhere.
[doorbell dinging]
I'm stupid, I was, um,
I was in the back.
- You know--
- That's all right.
- I left my glasses.
- Ahh.
Ahh, there.
Now, I know you don't keep
these cameras just
to keep an eye
on an empty store.
Yeah.
"We have a moral duty
to disobey an unjust law."
Our friend said that.
[doorbell dinging]
REPORTER:
Breaking news, this just in,
a decision has been reached
in the landmark
pro-choice case
in the last state
currently fighting
to uphold abortion rights
in the country.
Let's go live
from the state capitol,
where the governor is
about to announce...
[soft music]
[airplane whooshing]
- [electricity crackling]
- [booming]
MARCO: I know
I'm not hearing you right.
Come on, really?
I-I love you, Junie,
but this is not
- what's best for you.
- Okay, um...
You know what's best for me
and my body, right?
All right, no,
that's not what I'm saying,
- and you know it.
- Marco,
you've been
begging me for years
- to be a cool uncle.
- Yeah, I wanna be
a cool uncle
to a normal kid.
What's that supposed
to mean, hm?
IVF is perfectly normal.
It's not. Do you even know
what this procedure is?
Okay, I-I did research, okay?
It's not IVF,
it's your stem cells.
What does that even mean?
This is the government doing
what they always do...
Goodbye, Marco, goodbye.
- It's, it's...
- [chime]
[ominous chord]
[humming]
[continues humming]
[ominous chord]
[gurgle]
[gasping]
- [phone ringing]
- Uncle SAM's IVF Program,
how can I help you?
Hi, yes,
Juniper Stone.
January 15, 1993.
I need Dr. Evka
immediately.
Please hold.
DR. EVKA:
How are you feeling, dear?
Something's wrong.
I woke up
this morning, and...
- my stomach...
- It's perfectly fine.
This is expected.
This is normal.
I am with you.
I see you.
I wouldn't let
anything happen.
It's very distended.
I'm concerned.
Should I go to the hospital?
Right now,
your stem cells are
fertilizing
and growing exponentially.
As per the process,
that was explained to you
in your contract.
Unless you did something
that you were instructed
not to do.
[sniffling]
Yes, no-- of course not.
We are monitoring you.
Have you been missing
your injections?
Communicating outside
of the designated
- connection window?
- [chuckling]
I don't know
why I'm so bad at that.
We are the future,
and the future is perfect.
[sniffling]
Thank you, Dr. Evka.
[recorded]
You've reached Juniper Stone,
CEO of Rhino Group Media.
Please leave a message
after the beep.
- [beep]
- Junie?
Please, please, please
check out the article
I sent you.
Call me back. Bye.
- [beep]
- Hey, it's Kat.
Um, my wife's in
the same IVF group as you,
and she's acting
really weird.
- Are you okay?
- [beep]
This is Lisa
from Dr. Evka's office.
I'm calling
to remind you that
you're in a closed
communication portion
of your incubation period.
[ominous chord]
[stifled sobbing]
[stifled coughs]
[soft internal groan]
[panting]
[stifled straining]
[gasping]
Dr. Evka's office, please?
This is wrong.
Something is wrong.
I...
- I saw something.
- [gurgling]
DOCTOR: Saw something?
Do we have to do
mental health re-evaluation?
No.
That's what I thought, dear.
Our bodies are built
for this.
This new life,
it's a whole new you.
A better you.
You are going to make
- an incredible mother.
- [chuckling]
Thank you, Dr. Evka.
Now, you just have
to let her out.
[straining]
[straining, grunting]
[gasping]
[screaming]
[soft sobbing]
[groaning]
[gasping]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[knife clinks]
How are you feeling, dear?
Much better.
[electricity crackling]
[panting]
[music]
Come on, kid,
take a little trip
You wanna get high
on the east side with
All the bad kids,
very bad kids
But the shoe don't fit,
it drops like a brick
When times get tough,
gets a little rough
And you just want love
but up comes nothing
Yeah, up comes nothing
Push me out
You know you don't
wanna be lonely, too
Don't put me down
Are you ever gonna get
I'm a bad kid, too?
I guess I'm never
gonna get what I want
'Cause all I wanna get
is along with you
I guess I'm never gonna
get what I want
'Cause all I wanna
get is along...
So, now you've got
to learn how
To be bad to get down
with the cool crowd, honey
Going downtown,
backstreets, underground
Kicking around
with the bad boys
And when times get tough,
gets a little rough
And we all need love
but we all get nothing
Yeah, we all need love
but we all get nothing
Get out while you can
Ooh...
Not everything
that sparkles
In your eyes is
a crazy diamond
I'm tired
of making trouble
Ooh...
I'm tired
of the same old dances
So let's get out
while we can
So come on, kid,
take a little trip
You wanna get high
on the east side with
All the bad kids,
very bad kids
But the shoe don't fit,
the shoe don't fit
[echoing]
The shoe don't fit
I'm an asshole, baby
But I'm an asshole, too
- What do you want?
- I'm an asshole, baby
- Why do you care?
- I'm an asshole, too
MAN: Well,
if you ever find yourself
hopeless
and without love,
always know
happiness could be
waiting for you
out there.
[rhythmic clapping]
The wrong crowd could be
the right one for you,
so don't be blue.
Sooner or later,
it will all make sense.
Just take some of these.
I'm an asshole, baby
- Why do you care?
- I'm an asshole, too
- What do you want?
- I'm an asshole, baby
- Why do you care?
- Just take some of these.
Push me out
You know you don't
wanna be lonely, too
Don't put me down
[guitar outro]
[cheering and applause]
[rock and roll]
You say you never
cross the line
With your makeup all fine
all the time
Listen to them,
and they'll do it
To the nines,
never steal it
For yourself
and say it's fine
Just sit there
and pretend you don't mind
Mm, mm
Mmmm
Yeah, yeah
Uh-huh
This time
you sit in silence
Watching everyone else
go right
Cry to yourself
and whine
Just please remember
you're trying
And you feel it
in your gut
The pain
you don't know what
Whatever's
bringing you down
Just enough to stop
you say you never
Cross the line
with your makeup all fine
All the time
listen to them
And they'll do it
to the nines
Never steal it for yourself
and say it's fine
Just sit there
and pretend you don't mind
Mm, mm
Mmmm
Yeah, yeah
Uh-huh
And this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind
Time to let 'em all
see you redefined
And this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind
Time to let 'em all
see you...
Love...
You say you never
cross the line
With your makeup all fine
all the time
Listen to them
and go do it to the nines
But this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind
Never steal it for yourself
and say it's fine
Never sit there
and pretend you're all right
Never sitting there
in silence
'Cause this time's
a different time
Gonna let 'em
all see you redefined
And cross the line
[rock and roll]
Put it in my pussy
and run
But if you run
then that's no fun
'Cause if it's gonna be
tough on me
You shouldn't be the one
that gets it for free
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
I love dick
but no baby
I love dick but no baby
If you gimme the dick
and give me a baby
Take the baby
and let me be me
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Down to fuck!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
2022 and birth control
PMS, estrogen,
I control
Fuck the nine,
and their cohort
They have a body
and nothing to abort
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck!
Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey!
Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck?
VOICE: Oh, one-two!
[rock and roll]
Hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
Got it wasted
so I'm on my own
Don't need to tell me
what I already know
A broken smile
and broken bones
Don't need to tell you
that nothing here
Is wrong
So you think
you know better?
Think I know
nothing at all
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your kind
You think
you know the truth
But you don't
look behind
Has it occurred to you
That we don't even mind?
Don't need no help
from no other
I got it covered
in glitter
I'll see the stars
from the gutter
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Got a reckless heart,
I'm not slowing down
What are you waiting for?
Let's crash this town
A broken heart
a messed-up mind
Don't need to tell you
that we won't be just fine
So you think
you know better?
You got it all
figured out
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your kind
You think
you know the truth
But you don't
look behind
Has it occurred to you
That we don't
ever mind?
Don't need no help
from no other
I got covered
in glitter
I see the stars
from the gutter
Hey, hey
So you think
you know better?
You got it all
figured out
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your kind
You think
you know the truth
But you don't
look behind
Has it occurred to you
That we don't
ever mind?
So you think
you know better?
You got it all
figured out
I'm so, so fed up
With you and your lies
Don't need no help
from no other
I got covered
in glitter
I see the stars
from the gutter