Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) Movie Script

[gentle piano music playing]
[knocking]
No, subject to their
approval... Ah, hold on.
- Hey. Oh, shit, sorry. Let me, uh
- [man] Uh, sign here.
[woman] Can you grab the
thing? Oh my God, it's heavy.
- [man] Have a good one.
- Thank you.
- [kids chattering]
- What's this?
I don't know. I've got the
CNN thing in like now.
Amy, come on. Look
alive. Hold this, please.
On in ten. He's
leading you in now.
Okay.
[kid giggles]
[music continues]
It's from Miles!
[music stops abruptly]
[news anchor] And with me now is
Connecticut governor, Claire Debella,
whose Senate campaign
is picking up steam
as she has positioned herself as
a very different kind of candidate.
Governor, thanks for joining us.
Working from home like
the rest of us, I can see.
Yes. Welcome to our office,
campaign center, and kindergarten.
We are losing our minds.
Your campaign is backed by
billionaire philanthropist, Miles Bron,
founder of the ubiquitous tech giant,
Alpha, which now has dozens of companies
from Alpha Cosmos to
Alpha Car, Alpha Shop
I know, I know, I know.
But what can I do?
- You can tell him no.
- How about no!
[man] Lionel, you're a
scientist, not a publicist.
Exactly.
You can't keep making excuses
for every one of Miles
Bron's insane whims.
Genius always looks like
insanity at first, though, right?
Isn't that how he became Miles
Bron? You guys have no idea.
The man faxes me in
the middle of the night.
He loves his faxes.
He sends me his ideas
that I'm supposed to
You know what, you tell
me. Genius or insanity?
"Uber for biospheres."
I don't know. Okay. Maybe?
"AI in dogs equals discourse."
Okay? I mean, all night
long, they just keep
But then
Remember "child equals NFT"?
We all laughed,
but then the Crypto Kids
app paid for this building.
- [man 2] Delivery.
- I mean, how do you argue with that?
- [man 2] I wiped it down.
- Yeah, we know.
Never bet against
Bron, we know it.
But he's asking us to put a volatile
substance on a manned flight.
He won't listen. He
just says, "Make it work."
And what if it works?
This is science, not a religion.
Remember that, Lionel.
Because if your name
is on this, and it fails,
it will sink you forever.
[mysterious music playing]
[Claire] I'm a hard
line on climate change.
If that scares you, go stick
your head back in the sand.
["Mothership
Connection" playing]
- [people laughing, yelling] - My
constituents trust I'm gonna fight
If you hear any noise It's
just me and the boys hittin' it
Groovin'
You gotta hit the band
All right, all right
I'm so bored.
Peg?
Peg?
Here! Here.
Hey, please stop
fire-spinning inside.
[woman] Peg,
please, I'm so bored.
No. No phones.
Why can't she have her phone?
'Cause she's mean.
No. Because she's
afraid that I will tweet
an ethnic slur.
Again.
Yes. And you agreed no phone
for the rest of the media cycle.
I didn't even know that that
word referred to Jewish people.
I thought it was a
generic term for cheap.
"Jewy"?
[sighs]
Everything is so woke
these days, it's out of control.
Yes.
Love you. Yes.
And I say it like
I see it, no filter.
If people can't handle it, that's
their problem. What's this?
- Don't know. Some guy just dropped it off.
- [woman gasps]
[cell phone ringing]
All right, genius,
what is this thing?
- Well
- It's a Miles invitation.
[sighs] Well, duh!
But I mean, what is it?
- It's just like a block of wood.
- There's gotta be a way to open it.
It's solid. There's no
latches or even visible seams.
The wood-grain pattern's
weird though. It's like it's familiar.
- [cell phone chiming] - Hmm.
Oh, wait. Hold on. It's Birdie.
Okay, how do you
open this thing?
- Hi, Birdie. Lionel's on two. Hi, Peg!
- Hi!
Oh no. Peg's putting
out a fire. She'll be back.
Another fire? Bird.
What'd you say this time?
- No.
- You've got to stay off the Twitter.
It's nothing like that. It's fine.
Now, is this a Miles thing?
Have you figured out
how to open it, Lionel?
Lionel, use your science brain.
I'm working on it. Bird, should
you really be having a party?
No, they're all in my pod. It's
fine. Has anyone heard from Duke?
- No. - No.
[clears throat]
So this has gotten
some attention recently,
so obviously I would
like to speak to this,
and the answer is
no, Jimmy Kimmel,
I do not hate boobs.
Boobs give us many useful
things. Boobs give us milk, cheese.
Breasts nourish our young until the age
where we can go out and hunt for them.
Let's be honest. Boobs are fun.
There's nothing wrong
with that, right, babe?
I love my boobs.
They're so much fun.
- Oops! Sorry, feminists!
- Sorry, feminists.
So when we're talking about
the breast-ification of America
I mean, what that means is a
breakdown in the natural order.
Evolutionary truths that
go back billions of years.
So when you're asking
a young man in America
to slow down so a
woman can catch up
[older woman] Duke!
For centuries, the Western workplace
has been dominated by men 'cause
- [older woman] Dukey!
- that's what nature made us to do.
Dukey! I've been calling you.
You gotta answer me when I call!
Mom! Will you shut it? We've
been over this a million times.
I told you. When me and
Whiskey are live, you gotta let us...
You tell your mother to shut up?
- Sorry. It's just when we're live...
- What?
- When we're...
- What?
Jeez, Mom. I'm sorry.
You got a delivery.
It's in the kitchen.
Maybe it's sensitive to heat.
- [phone buzzes] - [gasps]
Wait. It's Duke. Hold on.
- Duke!
- [Duke] Hey, what is this thing?
- My mom already broke it.
- It's a stereogram.
[Duke] She did something to it. It
opened up. I don't know. She broke it.
A stereogram!
[Claire] A what-a-gram?
Wait, a stereogram!
Were those the things...
[Claire's husband] Magic eye
things? I could never do those.
[Duke] Ma! What did I tell
you about touching my stuff?
[mechanical clicking]
[Peg] Do you group
them by color maybe or
Size? Weight?
Should I weigh them?
Eight by eight. It's a chessboard.
This is a chess endgame.
So it's It's set up for a
mate in one. Should I...
[Lionel] Do it, Kasparov.
[clicks]
[gasps] That's
tic-tac-toe! I know this!
- But it's solved already, so it can't be.
- It's tic-tac-toe.
But thank you for
contributing, Birdie. Yes.
Wait, wait. The tapper
thing is for Morse code.
The X's and O's
are dots and dashes.
Dit's and Da's!
- So that's Yep.
- [Claire gasps] Oh, wow.
O-U-R. Here.
It's tic-tac-toe.
- [box clicking] -
[soaring music plays]
[Birdie] Is something
supposed to happen?
[Claire] "N." Maybe it
stands for something,
maybe in one of
the other puzzles?
It's a compass.
- Ma! - It's a compass!
Okay, north, south
Okay, N is for north,
so turn it due north.
[clicks]
[music box playing]
- [gasps] It's music. Guys, it's music!
- Shh!
- Are you mocking me?
- Yes.
Okay, ha-ha, I'm
gonna Shazam it.
What is that?
Alexa, Shazam this song please.
Alexa, Shazam this song please.
Hey, this is Bach's
Little Fugue in G Minor.
- You sure? - Yeah.
Uh, I'm Shazam-ing it. Alexa,
Shazam this song please.
So a fugue is a beautiful musical
puzzle based on just one tune.
And when you layer
this tune on top of itself,
it starts to change and turns
into a beautiful new structure.
This can't Shazam. It's a lamp.
- I love you, Birdie.
- I love you too, Claire.
Wait. "La-la-layered
back over itself." Hold on.
See this center
wheel? Lift it up.
- [clicks] - [music box stops]
[Lionel laughs]
A whole new tune.
Freaking Miles, man. Genius.
[Ma] That first one's
a Fibonacci sequence.
Ma!
[blows raspberry]
No, get your hand off of that.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Forty-seven for sure?
That's the atomic
number for silver.
- Are you... Are you sure that's silver?
- That's silver.
So this is it.
All together now.
One, two, three.
[soaring music playing]
[mechanical clicking]
[Lionel] Look at that.
[gasps]
[harpsichord playing]
"My dear friends, my beautiful
disruptors, my closest inner circle"
"we could use a moment of normalcy.
And so you are cordially invited"
"for a long weekend
on my private island"
"where we will celebrate
the bonds that connect us,
and I hope your puzzle-solving
skills are whetted."
[squeals]
"Because you will also be
competing to solve the mystery"
Whoo!
"of my murder."
"Travel details to come. Please
forward any dietary restrictions."
"Love and all my kisses, Miles."
Ma! Where's my speargun? I
gotta pack. Babe, get packing!
- What's that?
- [door opens, closes]
I don't know.
Whoo!
[all cheering]
[music crescendoes]
[breathing heavily]
[soft, suspenseful
music playing]
[alarm blaring]
Wait Hold on.
What just happened?
Blanc. I saw you go
in the engine room.
You're the Imposter.
We all know it.
Case closed. We're done.
I don't understand this at all.
So Angie caught me, and
now the game's just over?
Sorry, Blanc, you're
thrown out of the airlock.
It's a no-brainer.
I've got to say,
the world's greatest detective
I thought you'd be better at this.
I think maybe this
game's just not my thing.
Maybe we should try Quiplash.
- [knock on door] -
[Natasha] Uh, or Codenames.
No. No, I [sighs, tuts]
Look, I appreciate what y'all
are trying to do for me here.
We're worried about you, buddy.
Lockdown hasn't been easy for any of us.
But Phillip told me you
haven't left the bath for a week.
Oh, that's hyperbole.
[knock on door]
Get that, would ya?
[Phillip] You're not in
the bath again, are you?
[hesitates] No!
I'm just [sighs]
I lose it between cases anyway.
I think I might be
going insane. [chuckles]
My mind is a fueled-up racing
car, and I got nowhere to drive it.
Hey, can I ask Have
you tried crosswords?
No, no, Natasha.
I I don't need puzzles or games.
The last thing I need is a vacation.
I need danger, a
hunt, a challenge.
I need a great case.
[Phillip] Blanc? There's
someone here for you!
With a box!
[dramatic music playing]
[horn honks]
[Claire] Whoo.
- [grunts] - [Lionel]
Claire, my dear!
Hi, you genius!
[horn honking]
Whoo-hoo!
Hello! Oh my God!
- We can't hug, right?
- [Peg] No!
- I mean, can we?
- Hi, Peg!
- I wanna hug everybody.
- [Lionel] Elbows!
- [Claire] You need help?
- [Peg] Yes, please!
Did you two stay at the hotel
last night? I didn't see you.
[Claire] No, Birdie,
we clearly just arrived.
But you Hello, stranger danger.
[man] Mr. Blanc! You
are stranger danger?
[Benoit] No, that's fine, Nikos. I
don't even know what that means.
[Lionel] Wait a
second. Benoit Blanc?
[Claire] Oh my God. Are you
Benoit Blanc, the detective?
Did you solve the murder
of Ah, what's her name?
That The ballet dancer with
the thing and the thing. That's you?
[chuckling] It is, in the flesh.
I'm obviously familiar
with you all as well.
Governor. Dr. Toussaint.
Miss Birdie Jay.
What an extraordinary gathering.
- [gunshot] - [engine revving]
- [gunshots] -
[tires screeching]
[Whiskey] Whoo-hoo!
[laughs]
Crew! We've arrived.
[turns off engine]
Disruptors have assembled!
- No, no, absolutely not.
- [Birdie] Duke!
[Duke grunts]
- [Lionel] The Duke.
- [Claire] Duke, hello.
[Duke] Hey, guys.
- Remember my girl, Whiskey?
- Hi.
[Claire] Of course,
Whiskey. Hello.
Who's that?
[Claire] Why are you
in Greece, Mr. Blanc?
I was invited by Miles Bron.
Tight with Miles?
[Benoit] No, never met.
[Lionel] Oh, I get it. The,
uh The murder mystery thing.
Benoit Blanc is going to help
solve the mystery of Miles' murder.
- This should be fun.
- Cute.
[Benoit] Well, we'll see.
[ship horn toots]
[car horn honks]
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Greece.
This fine craft will take
you to Mr. Bron's island.
It is a two-hour journey.
Your captain, Mr. Andino, will
assist you with your luggage.
But first, I'm gonna need
you to remove your masks
and extend your tongue.
This will only be
momentarily uncomfortable.
- [device fires]
- [gags]
- [wristband beeps]
- Mr. Cody.
No pineapple in that, right?
Duke don't dance with pineapple.
There's no pineapple.
- [device fires]
- [Duke gags]
[Benoit] Well, it seems I'm
the odd man out, Governor.
You're all friends.
[Claire] Miles does one of these
weekend reunions every year.
Some nutso invitation.
Some extravagant trip.
Just a little [in Southern
accent] menagerie.
Excuse me, I love your
accent. I had to try it. Oh.
- [device fires]
- Oh! [coughs]
Eight years of
doing these trips,
you're the first new
person he's ever invited.
- You must be very special.
- [Benoit] Oh! Oh, well [chuckles]
[Birdie chuckles]
What is this
material? I love it.
- Cotton, I think.
- Sir.
[Benoit] Uh
What is that?
Open, please.
[device fires]
[coughs]
You won't be
needing that anymore.
- [Benoit] I won't?
- You're good.
[wristband beeps]
What is that? Is that some
kind of disinfectant or
You're good. Have a
great trip, everyone.
[car horn honks]
[mysterious music playing]
Andi! Hi!
Holy shit.
[dramatic music playing]
[Benoit] I could not help but
notice the stir at her arrival.
Yeah. That was a stir.
She's not in your little gang?
She was... She is.
Andi started Alpha with Miles
ten years ago, just the two of them.
That's Cassandra Brand?
[Lionel] Andi, yeah.
And they're no longer partners?
In one legal move, he
cut her out completely.
Booted her without a
dime, Social Network'd her.
Lord. But he still invited
her to this weekend?
The question isn't,
"Why did he invite her?"
It's, "Why did she show up?"
[suspenseful music playing]
Is that dock a Banksy?
Pisceshite.
Oh, is that the name
of the island in Greek?
Pisceshite.
Pisceshite. Pisceshite. [laughs]
["Blackbird" by The Beatles
being played on guitar]
[squealing]
Miles!
Oh, my baby, Birdie!
Oh, with your island!
- Serenading me with my song!
- On the guitar Paul wrote it on.
[laughs]
I know, legit, right?
But look at your face.
It was worth it. Oh!
My friends, my friends,
oh, my old friends.
Are we allowed to hug after
the whole Men in Black thing?
- We can hug. Okay.
- Oh, God, bring it in.
- [Miles] Oh! We're allowed to hug.
- Ah. Aw.
[Miles] Duke!
Hey, buddy. This is a dream.
Not a dream, wide awake.
[straining] And it feels so good.
[chuckles]
Whiskey.
Wow. I just I
love that necklace.
- Great. Come on, bring it in.
- This old thing? [laughs]
- [Miles] How you doing?
- I'm so good.
- [Miles] Yeah?
- Mm-hmm. Great island.
[Miles] Greek island,
huh? Sexy, right?
So, uh, Benoit Blanc, huh?
- Hmm? - [Whiskey clears throat]
Man, when you throw
a murder mystery party,
you do it right, buddy.
[Whiskey] Dukey.
- [Miles] My man.
- Hey, pal.
- Good to see you.
- You too, buddy.
Hello.
Mr. Bron, I cannot overstate
my gratitude for this, I...
So happy to meet...
[mysterious music playing]
Andi.
You're here.
I am.
All right, when's the
murder mystery start?
[chuckles] My man,
patience. Patience.
Okay, look, I know you
guys think I'm a hippie,
but can we just take a second
and fully inbreathiate
this moment together?
- [Duke] Mmm.
- [Whiskey inhales]
We're old friends.
We're still friends.
And I love you all.
I just wanted to say that.
But we got a great weekend,
just our gang, just us.
Hey, hey!
Hey, bro.
- I'm not here.
- [bottles clinking]
Who's that?
That's Derol. He's just staying
here. He's going through things,
but he's not part of the
experience at all, okay?
So first, a proper tour
of the Glass Onion.
- [Duke] Here we go.
- [Birdie shrieks] Oh my God.
The Glass Onion, like our bar!
Oh, I loved that baby so much.
Should we, um, get our bags, um
[Claire] Sun is blinding.
or someone will
get them for us. Okay.
[Claire] I could use a
second in the shade.
- This rich-people shit is weird.
- Thank you.
I I have occasionally put
on the dog in my life, but this
This is stretching my
stride-taking abilities.
You're doing great. I'm Andi.
That is very genial
of you. I'm Benoit.
- You got a flat tire there.
- Thank you.
Oh, wow. Okay.
Wow!
It's like an actual
huge glass onion.
- [Claire] Yep.
- [Miles] It's past, present and future.
It's what came before, where I
am now, what I'll leave to the world.
Ignore me.
This is the full reclamation of
everything I've achieved up to now...
So, what kind of staff does it
take to run a place like this?
Normally like 50, but, you know
Look, I sent everyone home.
I just wanna have a normal weekend
with my old friends like the old days.
Right? See, look,
that's the thing.
This isn't just a
rich-asshole house. It's
I mean, it's not even a house.
It's a It's a commune.
For creativity.
Oh, amazing.
- [male voice over speakers] Dong!
- [gong reverberating]
What is that?
That's the hourly dong. You know
I got Phil Glass to compose that?
- What? - Who's Phil Gas?
Okay, let's stop talking and actually
start hanging out and having fun.
Your rooms are
assigned by the chakra
that I most closely associate
with each of you. [chuckles]
I know. Go with it, okay?
Your biorhythm monitor
is the key to your room.
- It'll lead you to the room using haptics.
- Oh my God.
[Miles] Get settled in, change.
Let's meet up at the pool.
We'll have a chill afternoon.
And then the game begins.
- [monitor vibrating]
- Ooh. [gasps]
Sacral! [laughs]
You know me, Miles.
Oh, Miles.
- Ooh. - Hey, Andi
- [Birdie gasps] Sacral!
- [Miles] I
I really am glad you're here.
Wow. I I'm sorry,
but that is just crazy.
- I know. Hey, Mr. Blanc.
- [Benoit] Hmm?
- Could we have a quick word?
- Mmm, of course.
[mysterious music playing]
Oh my word. This
Oh my goodness,
me. This is [chuckles]
That is Wait, what is that?
Oh my God, it's full of stars!
2010, the year we
made contact, that's
Um, this is amazing,
just amazing.
I I'm so happy
to be here under
If there's any role you'd like me to
play in this murder mystery game
as the I don't know, detective,
I'd be more than happy to oblige.
Just to be included
and to To meet you
Is that a motorcar?
Oh, yeah. That's my Baby Blue.
It's one-of-a-kind. Goes
anywhere I go. All around the world.
Why is it on the roof?
'Cause there's nowhere
to drive it on the island.
[inhales] Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.
[Miles] Mr. Blanc, uh
I wanted to ask,
what are you doing here?
[spluttering] I'm sorry?
What are you doing here?
[scoffs]
Uh, you invited me.
No, I didn't.
What
You sent me a box.
- Wait, you received a box?
- [Benoit] Yes.
The wooden box was delivered to my
home with some simple children's puzzles
which, once I completed them,
there was an invitation inside.
Do you have that invitation?
Well, yes, I do. [laughs]
I'm sorry. I'm
I'm very confused.
[spluttering] Is this
part of the game?
[mouthing] No.
This is just like the other
ones, but I didn't send it to you.
[mysterious music playing]
How many of these
boxes did you create?
- Five. One for each of my friends.
- No test boxes? No prototypes?
No, my puzzle guy barely
got the five done in time,
and he apprenticed
with Ricky Jay.
And once the boxes are open
and the puzzles completed,
is there any way to close
them again? To To reset 'em?
Hang on. Hang on.
Someone reset the box.
Someone reset the box.
They sent it to you as a gag.
"Miles is doing a murder mystery.
Let's invite Benoit freaking Blanc."
[laughs]
It's so good.
I am mortified. I don't...
Why? I've got the predefinite detective
in the world at my murder mystery party.
That is so legit.
[sighs] Mr. Bron, I've learned
through bitter experience
that an anonymous invitation
is not to be trifled with.
Okay, look, come on. I'd love
to have you visit me in my home.
There, you've been invited.
You're an official guest now.
Thrilled to have you. I
mean, relax. Enjoy yourself.
Hey, try to solve the
murder mystery if you can.
I don't want to toot my own
horn, but it's pretty next level.
I'm gonna foil.
See you at the pool.
[dramatic music playing]
Lionel, you are too
sexy to be a scientist.
And, Claire you look so cute.
Aw, thanks, Bird.
You really try. I like that.
You really make an effort.
Well, I figured, Greece.
And no masks, I
can breathe again.
Look at this pool. I
think I'll go for a swim.
[soaring music plays]
Maybe I'll lay out for a bit.
["Under the Bridge"
being played on guitar]
[Miles] AK and Flea
get all the credit,
but Frusciante really is the
heart of the Chili Peppers.
- Hey, Blanc! Have a dip.
- [chuckles] Hey.
Grab a hard kombucha.
They're actually pretty good.
Jared Leto sent 'em over. I
think he wants me to invest.
- Well, I am on vacation, so
- Hey, booch me!
There you go.
Yeah.
Oh! The Baby Blue!
[Duke] Iconic.
Remember that night you almost
pancaked me with it on the road outside...
Anderson Cooper's birthday.
[both chuckle]
Coop's parties are memorable.
- [male voice over speakers] Dong!
- [Duke] Yep!
[Duke grunts]
[Claire] Oh, God.
[Lionel] Really, Duke?
- [gunshot] -
[Claire] Oh my God!
Really.
Asshole.
[Miles] Now it's a party.
That is quite a piece.
- Never without it.
- Mmm.
- So I see. [chuckles] - You never
know when shit's gonna go down.
Ah
[suspenseful music playing]
Birdie. You have to tell him.
- You gotta tell him.
- I will.
- I'm serious. You gotta...
- I will.
- I will.
- You just gotta go beg.
- Okay? - Oh, God.
When he goes to his room,
just follow him and then do it.
I will take care of
him. Don't worry.
[Miles] Cool me off.
Gimme a sip of that.
- I'm hot for both...
- That's so hot.
[both laugh]
There was a time,
you know, back when
I was the one on
magazines. He was nobody.
He couldn't believe he
was even talking to me.
He said that to me.
"You're Birdie Jay, on billboards.
I can't believe I'm talking to you."
He was this little
thing in my hand.
[Whiskey laughs]
I preferred that.
Andi! Hi! Wow.
How long has it been?
Since the trial.
So a few months.
Mmm, the trial, ugh.
That was not fun.
I mean, for all of us.
For anybody. Right, Peg?
Right? I'm uncomfortable.
I'm gonna go for a swim.
[machine beeps, whirring]
Now, I can handle the
Matisse in the bathroom,
but is, uh Is that
a fax machine?
[Birdie chuckles]
Miles doesn't even have a phone.
It's really convenient.
I have one number,
goes to all my fax
machines all over the world.
There's something
about analog that's...
Oh! Look at this
blast from my past.
- [chuckles] - Look,
everybody. Look.
Miles, you're so funny,
having this around.
[Benoit] May I ask, if it isn't
too presumptuous of me,
what first drew
you all together?
You're such an eclectic
bunch. [chuckles]
I think disruptors
recognize each other.
Yes.
Now you've used that
word before, "disruptors."
What does that mean?
[Miles] Some people
think Birdie's disruptive
every time she opens her mouth.
I mean, just because she
says what everyone's thinking,
but no one's got
the nerve to say.
It's true. I say
it like I see it.
No. But seriously, you know
about Sweetie Pants, right?
I'm going to
embarrass myself here.
I adore Sweetie
Pants. I live in mine...
You're sitting next to Birdie
Jay. She was a fashion icon.
And then the youngest editor
ever of She She Magazine. Right?
Establishment BS, on
top of the world, but then
Well [sighs]
Then there was the whole
thing with the Halloween costume.
Oh.
[Birdie] It was a tribute to Beyonc,
but people did not take it that way.
- Anyway, I had a lot of time at home.
- [Benoit] Mm-hmm.
- [Birdie] I just spent all my time in my...
- Oh, in sweatpants.
[Miles] She comes out with designer,
high quality, comfortable sweatpants
just as a pandemic hits.
She disrupted her own
disruption. She made a killing.
And look at Duke. You
think people looked at him
and saw anything
other than the beef?
You think they saw the first influencer
to have a million followers on Twitch?
Yes, I did. Here it is.
[grunts] Deal with it.
- Hello.
- [Miles] What about Claire?
You know, soccer mom in beige
throwing grenades into machine politics.
Lionel, he didn't wait ten years
licking on the taint of academia
to get permission to start
pushing the boundaries of science.
He just did it. That's
what I did with Al...
That's what we did
with Alpha. Disrupt. See
Tell you a little secret. Your
worldview's gonna change.
Once you hear it, you can't
unhear it. Is your phone turned off?
- Oh, I left it in my room.
- [Miles] Okay.
If you want to shake things up,
you start with something small.
You break a norm, or
an idea, or a convention,
some little business model.
But you go with things that
people are kind of tired of anyway.
Everybody gets excited because
you're busting up something
that everyone wanted
broken in the first place.
That's the infraction point.
That's the place where you
have to look within yourself
and ask, "Am I the kind of
person who will keep going?"
Will you break more things?
Break bigger things?
Are you willing to break the thing
that nobody wants you to break?
Because at that point, people
are not gonna be on your side.
They're gonna call you crazy.
They're gonna say you're a
bully. They're gonna tell you to stop.
Even your partner will
say, "You need to stop."
Because as it turns out,
nobody wants you to
break the system itself.
But that is what
true disruption is.
And that is what
unites all of us.
We all got to that
line and crossed it.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- [Miles] See?
- Yeah, yeah.
So, disruptors.
All of us.
[clapping]
Wow.
Mmm!
That was some real
red-pill stuff, Miles.
The Andi I built Alpha
with? She believed it.
Oh, I believed it.
I believed it.
Mr. Blanc, you're
a detective, right?
Yes, I'm
Can you spot the other thing?
The real thing this
group has in common?
Andi, come on.
Oh, Lionel. Everybody
knows who Lionel works for.
That's no secret.
And we know who
bankrolled Claire's campaign.
But when nobody
Nobody would touch
Birdie with a ten-foot pole
because she went on Oprah and
compared herself to Harriet Tubman
In spirit! Oh, God.
who do you think showed up
as an angel investor
in Sweetie Pants? Huh?
And Duke.
When Duke got banned from Twitch
for hawking rhino-horn
boner pills to teenage boys
There was zero
rhino in those pills.
who set him up at YouTube
and used their media
empire to promote the stream?
That is the common thread here.
Every single one of you
is holding on for dear life
to Miles Bron's golden titties.
And each of you,
you'll stab a friend
in the back to hold on.
That is what I believe.
[Claire sighs]
[Claire] Andi, wait.
[Miles] Wow.
That was so real.
Anyway, dinner's at 8:00.
See you all there? Yeah.
[Birdie] Like Miles said,
I'm a truth-teller. Some
people can't handle it.
It's a dangerous thing to
mistake speaking without thought
for speaking the truth.
Don't you think?
[mysterious music playing]
Are you calling me dangerous?
Well, we'll see.
If you'll excuse me.
[mysterious music continues]
[Claire] Something's off.
[Lionel] What do you mean?
She's changed.
What's she playing at?
[Peg] Mr. Bron! Wait!
Hey, hi.
- Hello. - [Peg] Uh
- Please don't do this.
- Sorry?
Bird showed me the statement you want
her to make to the press about Bangladesh,
and if you make her go
through with it, her name is
destroyed.
But you see, my resume
is just Birdie Jay, Birdie Jay,
a short stint in retail,
and then Birdie Jay.
So if her name is
destroyed, then my name is
I I'm sorry
It's Peg.
I'm begging you. You gotta
get her to make that statement.
It is her only way out.
- What... - Okay, good.
But, uh
- [male voice over speakers] Dong!
- [gong reverberating]
[lighter clicks]
[alarm blaring]
[automated voice] This
is a smokeless garden.
This is a smokeless garden.
This is a smokeless garden.
[alarms blaring]
[automated voice] Please,
keep our water clean.
Please, keep our water clean.
Please, keep our water clean.
[panting]
[Miles laughs]
[rustling]
[Miles moaning]
Are you gonna do it for me?
[Miles] Mm-hmm.
["To Love Somebody" playing]
There's a light
A certain kind of light
[Birdie gasps] Wow!
That never shone on me
I want my life to be
Lived with you
Lived with you
There's a way
Welcome, gang. A few
cocktails before I'm murdered.
I think I remember
everyone's favorite.
And we got tamales.
My chemist.
- Mmm, Lagavulin 16.
- [Miles] He likes it heavy on the peat.
[Lionel] Serve it up neat.
Is this my Cuban Breeze?
The drink that got us on the
no-fly list at St. Barts. What else?
Well, #Worthlt.
- Claire-bear.
- [Claire] Hmm?
- Room temp white.
- [Claire] Pinot Gris.
[grunts]
Halle Berry! That has a kick.
Oh, that's Jeremy Renner's
small-batch hot sauce.
[clears throat]
I let him invest. He sends me a
pallet every year. Take a few bottles.
Well [coughs] thank you.
I apologize. I don't know your
drink, but, you know, pick your poison.
Hey, Andi.
I'm hoping it's
still whiskey soda.
- You know I...
- [Claire] Okay. Miles.
[scoffs] I mean, I know
you have a thing for it, but
I mean, this place
is the Tate Modern!
Why would you hang a framed print
of the Mona Lisa front and center?
It's like having a Che
poster in your dorm room.
- [Miles] Mm-hmm.
- [chuckles]
Or
Come on.
Wait.
- That's impossible, Miles.
- [Miles] Mm-hmm.
Forgive my incredulity, but
surely [laughs] No, the Mona Lisa,
that's property of the
state. There's no way...
Blame it on the pando, Blanc.
The Louvre was closed,
France needed money,
and so I bought myself
a little short-term loan.
It turns out the transport and
the security was most of the cost.
Check this out.
[glass shield thuds]
- [Claire] Oh my God.
- [Birdie] Oh my God.
- [Birdie laughs]
- [sighs]
Don't tell the insurance guys,
but I had a little
override button installed.
- Oh, you did.
- Where do you think it is?
[thuds]
[Birdie] Oh, my gosh! It's easy.
[Miles] It's so
freaking sensitive.
A phone dings, it
closes up. It's ridiculous,
but I needed to be able to look her in
the eyes without glass in between us.
My mom took me to Paris
when I was six years old.
First time I looked at this
lady, it changed my life.
You know da Vinci invented a technique
for brushstrokes that leave no lines?
That's how you can look straight at her,
and her expression changes every time.
Her smile's there, then it
disappears. Is she happy? Is she sad?
Is it something else?
This simple thing that you
thought you were looking at,
it suddenly takes on layers
and depth so complex,
it gives you vertigo.
It really is something.
It's a classic.
Hey. Not here.
Every time we've gotten to the
point where I'm going to strangle you,
you pull something
like this, and it's magic.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Look, it all started with her.
What did I say to you guys?
The first night we hung out at
the Glass Onion, what did I say?
I wanna be responsible for
something that gets mentioned
in the same breath
as the Mona Lisa.
Forever.
A-and what does that mean?
Oh, it means immortality.
He wants to do something
that's gonna change...
[Claire] Wait a minute, Miles.
Why do you have the Mona
Lisa in your living room?
In one week,
I've invited world leaders and
members of the press from all over
to come to this island.
And right here, I'm
going to unveil the future.
- [sighs] - You
know what this is?
You know damn well we do.
What's going on, Miles?
Uh I don't. [chuckles]
- Don't drop it.
- [Claire] Oh my God.
[Miles] That's a new solid
hydrogen fuel. It's incredibly powerful.
It's radically efficient.
Zero carbon emissions, and it's
derived from abundant seawater.
I call it Klear, with a K.
And at this event, we are going
to announce "Klear America."
Our affordable
home power solution.
Klear is going to be
powering people's dreams,
all over this country,
by the end of this year.
- [glass shield thuds]
- [sighs]
No.
No. Because I
was clear with you.
I told you I need
two years minimum
to test this stuff to see
if it's safe or even viable.
Claire and I are not gonna be responsible
for putting something out in the world
before it's tested and...
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
No.
You're running this
entire place off this?
All of it. All this
awesome lighting,
the heating and cooling, everything
right down to my fax machine.
The whole Glass Onion
is powered by Klear.
Oh my God, Miles.
Guys, we did it.
I'm out. I'm done.
This is reckless. And you're
gonna get somebody killed.
Bro, you're not getting out.
It's already happening.
I love you. Come
on, let's Let's eat!
[Lionel sighs heavily]
Okay, gang.
It's been a memorable weekend already,
to be sure, but now the real fun starts.
We got three days to bask in
the sun, swim in the Ionian Sea,
eat good food and wine, and
enjoy each other's company.
But alongside and underneath the partay,
you've been charged with a serious task.
Because tonight, in this very
room, a murder will be committed.
[Claire scoffs]
My murder.
You will have to closely
observe the crime.
Consider what you
know about each other.
Know that across the
island, I've hidden clues.
Some may be helpful, some may
misdirect. That's for you to determine.
But if anyone can name the killer,
tell me how they achieved the murder,
and, most importantly,
what was the motive,
that person wins our game.
Any questions?
Uh, wait What do we win?
I What do you
mean? What do you
What do you want?
No. No, nothing, I just
I just thought maybe there
was a prize or something.
I An iPad or like
Okay, fine. Yeah, no,
the winner gets an iPad.
And, uh, once you're dead,
will we still be able to talk to you?
Yeah, I'm not playing dead the
whole weekend, dude. [splutters]
We hang, but I
You just can't ask me
questions. I'm not gonna help.
I don't actually need an
iPad. I'm just saying. It's just
When you said "win," it
You know, it made me say it.
Can we, um, work together?
[Miles] Um, only one
person can solve the crime,
so if you got a theory,
keep it close to your chest.
It's designed to be hard. This
will take the whole weekend.
Well, this is truly delightful.
Oh! Have we
started already, is it...
- Well, the murder hasn't happened. But
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, why not? As
Watson said to Holmes...
It was Birdie who planted a
remote device on a crossbow
in revenge for you stealing
her signature Ren Diamond.
Look at the seating arrangement.
It triangulates Birdie just
perfectly with that thing,
which is loaded
with a dummy bolt.
Aimed directly
at Mr. Bron.
Now I believe close inspection will reveal
some sort of remote triggering device,
but more damning, that is a
vintage Jayhawk brand crossbow.
Jayhawk, Birdie Jay.
Of course, there are other
superfluous and rather clumsy clues.
The hedgerow in the
south garden spells letter B.
Birdie's room is the sacral chakra,
which is the one blocked by guilt.
Blah, blah, blah.
But the motive, yes,
on the cleverly planted 1998
issue of The Face magazine
with Birdie on the cover
[chuckles] she famously wore what
became known as the Ren Diamond.
And that's a family
heirloom, I believe.
Well, to be clear, I mean, I didn't
know what a "blood diamond" was so...
Mr. Bron, the large pendulous
locket which is Has not left your neck.
[chuckles] Bit out of keeping
with your breezy island style.
Would you kindly open it for us?
[screams]
My Ren Diamond!
A dramatic, passionate and
colorful crime for a fashionista.
Miss Birdie Jay.
Unfortunately, this crime clashed
with the presence of Benoit Blanc.
[Benoit laughs] Oh!
That See that? That just
went up Very good. Very good.
My God, that just felt so
good. So solid, so satisfying!
You know, like one of those
mini-crosswords The Times has
or, you know, I have a chef friend,
and she speaks of trying to create
the perfect bite and that just felt
like the most satisfying bite-sized...
You're angry.
No, Blanc, I'm,
uh, just, you know
What the hell?
That was not the simplest
thing to set up, so
It's fine. It doesn't
matter. It's just
I hired Gillian Flynn to
write the whole thing...
- Oh, she's quite good.
- She's goddamn expensive, is what she is.
What am I supposed to do now? Play
Yahtzee all weekend? Just [exhales]
Mr. Bron, truth is, I I
ruined your game on purpose
and for a very good reason.
I'm sorry, what?
I like the Glass
Onion as a metaphor.
An object that seems
densely layered,
but in reality the
center is in plain sight.
Your relationship with these
people may seem complex,
but look, what you've done
this weekend is crystal clear.
You've taken seven people,
each of whom has a real-life
reason to wish you harm,
gathered them together
on a remote island
and placed the idea of
your murder in their heads.
It's like putting a loaded gun on
the table and turning off the lights!
Oh, whoa. [chuckles]
Come on.
So you play hardball with Lionel,
threaten to destroy his reputation
if he does not play along and
power a manned rocket with Klear.
But now with Claire too
Now perhaps, you threaten
to support her opponent
in the up-and-coming election if she
does not approve your power plant.
You have done some homework.
And Birdie. Bangladesh.
Sweetie Pants are manufactured
there in a sweatshop.
You're making Birdie take the fall to
cover your ass as the main investor.
And Duke? Well [chuckles] we
all know why Duke wants to kill you.
He doesn't know about that.
Yes, he does.
Take my presence as a sign.
For at least one person on
this island, this is not a game.
Oh, this is the famous napkin!
I know this story.
- Right
- Will you look at that?
I sketched out the original idea
for Alpha on a cocktail napkin
and I showed it to Andi
one night at the Glass Onion.
That was our local bar.
That's where it all began. But
they tore it down the year after that.
[Benoit] Mm-hmm.
[sighs] Andi.
Yes, Andi.
Andi used to tell me the truth.
Nobody does that now.
It's all just fake
smiles and agendas
and people wanting what
they think they're owed.
Hating you when you don't give it to
them because that's what you're there for.
I know it's probably hard to have sympathy
for the poor, tortured billionaire. But
God damn, I miss that bar.
["Take Me Home, Country Roads"
by Toots and the Maytals playing]
- [cell phone dings] -
[glass shields thudding]
Yeah, listen
- [phone dings]
- [thuds]
You know, you could
just power it down.
Ah, it's my Google Alerts.
Got them for all you guys.
Whiskey, sports I
like, general interests.
- [phone dings] -
[glass shield thuds]
You have a Google
Alert for the word "movie"?
I like movies. Don't hate. Nerd.
Oh, thank God for Benoit Blanc.
We don't have to spend
the weekend spelling hedges.
Well, I'm out of here.
Tomorrow morning. Gone.
We just got here.
[imitates crying]
You can stay, have fun.
- Fine. You're murdering my vibe.
- [cell phone ringing]
[Lionel] Well, I hate
saying this in any context,
but I'm with Duke.
Or we can get drunk and
enjoy paradise for the weekend.
We should probably go too.
No. Miserable in paradise.
We've all earned this.
Yes, you have.
Are we even gonna talk
about the elephant in the room?
Or just gonna throw a blanket over
it and push through the weekend?
Am I the elephant?
Yeah. You're the elephant!
You're not that bad.
[Lionel] What'd
you come for, Andi?
Given the circumstances,
I think it's a fair question.
Fair?
Oh my God. Yes, no, fine.
Nothing about any of this is fair.
Congratulations. Now, you know.
And we all stuck with
Miles. What do you want?
Do you wanna know why we did it? Hmm?
Really? Why? Do the math. It's easy math.
[scoffs] So you come here,
in your Gucci flats, telling us
Valentino.
that we owe you?
You made money off
of Alpha all those years.
You did fine. You got yours.
I got?
No, he got his
from me. All of it!
My life was taken away from me by
someone, by everyone in this room.
My life! Do you even
know what that means?
Huh?
What Claire's trying
to say, is we're sorry.
We feel bad for you.
What do you want?
- Are you really asking me that?
- [Claire] Yes. What do you want?
A check? You want
performative pity?
[sighs]
Just tell us the right
words that we can use
so that we can get
on with our lives.
You want revenge? You
want to slit Miles' throat?
You wanna take us all down?
What? Just drop the bombshell! Say it!
- Say it! - I want the truth!
[thuds]
I want the truth.
I can give you that.
I'll be the asshole.
[sighs]
The truth is, is that we are
all holding on to that golden tit.
We're all playing the
same game here, honey.
You lost.
So you can go ahead and
put yourself up on a cross
like some unspeakable crime
has been committed against you
that none of us could
possibly imagine.
But me, I'm tired of pretending
like you're the victim in this game.
You just couldn't hack it.
You're the loser.
There. That's the truth.
[Duke grunts]
- [cell phone dings]
- [glass shield thuds]
There she is. There's
the Andi I know.
[Duke chuckles]
[cell phone dings]
[Miles] Okay.
Oh, jeez, detective.
Your next assignment
is who killed the party.
- [cell phone dings]
- [Claire grunts]
- [Miles] Come on, guys!
- [glass shield thuds]
Blanc ruined my game. It's okay. Hey,
Alpha DJ, give us something upbeat!
Miles, I'm gonna be
leaving in the morning.
- ["Star" by David Bowie
playing] - Yeah, me too.
No. No, we're having a champagne
brunch on the beach tomorrow.
You're gonna try foil surfing,
and you're gonna put some
aloe on, work on that tan,
and make your constituents say,
"What was she doing in lockdown?"
Birdie, come on, dance with me.
Come on, pretty lady, get that
smile up. Come on, come on.
[both chuckle]
Where's Andi?
- Yeah, where is Andi? Come on!
- [cell phone dings]
[Miles] Hey. Duke's smiling.
There it is, there's my guy.
What's going on? You
look like you got good news.
I was wondering why
my Googs are blowing up.
The views on my channel are
off the charts. You gotta see this.
Ooh!
This is all over the Internet. I
mean, look at those numbers.
That's fire. That
changes things, right?
It sure does.
Numbers like this. Maybe
we can talk Alpha News?
- You bet your ass. Come here.
- [laughs]
- Congratulations.
- Dukey! That's amazing! Let me see!
Everything works out in the end.
- You gotta keep the faith.
- [phone dings]
[thuds]
[Miles] Guys, have
I ever let you down?
Have we ever not pulled
through? Pulled it off?
You're staying. Yes?
You're staying. Okay. Love it.
Come on, this is our time.
You feel it? What did we all
used to say? Fake it till you make it
and have fun while we're
doing it. It's happening.
- [phone dings]
- [thuds]
We're all changing the world, all of
us! Making a dent in our own ways.
Five minutes ago, Blanc was telling me
that this whole party was a dangerous idea
'cause you all hate me so much
that one of you would actually wanna
- It doesn't even matter. It's so silly.
- [Birdie] Whoo!
Wow! Look at that dress
spin. Birdie, that's amazing.
Just Watch this dress.
Spin that dress again.
[Birdie] Everybody,
Miles says look at me!
- [cell phone dings]
- [thuds]
Look at you. She's a bird.
I want a toast. I want a
toast to The Disruptors.
My OGs. I love you. All of you.
[laughs] Disruptors!
Breaking it and making it!
[song continues playing]
[Birdie] Whoo!
Turn up the music. We're
going in the pool tonight!
We're all starting in the pool
tonight. That's what I want.
Miles.
On your feet,
genius. I wanna see...
Miles, Duke.
[gasping]
Whoo!
[Duke gasping]
Jesus.
[gasping]
- [screams] - [gasping]
[dramatic music playing]
[Birdie] Duke!
[Claire] What Is he choking?
- [Lionel] Yeah, I think he's...
- No, he's not choking.
- Okay. - [Lionel] You got him?
- [Benoit] Yeah.
- [Lionel] Duke.
You see anything in there?
No, because I feel like he's
[grunts, breathes heavily]
I
[shudders]
What?
I'm afraid Mr. Cody is is dead.
- No, Duke! No!
- [Birdie screams]
[screams] Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
What happened? Did he
choke? What happened?
[Benoit] There was no
obstruction in his airways.
But we won't know the cause
of death without an autopsy.
What just happened?
My dear, would you do me a
favor? Would you come sit over here?
Just so I can take
care of Mr. Cody.
Yes, that's right.
Mr. Bron, would
Would you call your boat and
have them come immediately?
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Mr. Bron!
I'll do it. I'll do it.
How do I do it?
There's a There's a
radio room, through there.
You tell them we need
medical personnel and police.
[Lionel] Okay, yeah.
Listen, I must insist that
nobody touch the body
or disturb anything around it.
Police?
Are you treating this
as a crime scene then?
Oh my God. No, wait, wait,
this is bad. [spluttering] I can't. I
The police always
come. It's protocol.
[Claire] I can
see the headlines!
"Governor jets off to Greece in a pandemic
with a men's rights YouTuber who dies!"
Oh my God. No, I...
[stomach gurgling]
Bacardi
[retching]
[crying]
I think Mr. Blanc's
You're not saying it was
done with intention, are you?
Well, we don't know.
But Mr. Cody's death was
so acute and violent yes.
My guess is something was
put in his drink, intentionally.
[dramatic music playing]
What do you mean
"morning"? How's that possible?
[Andino] Pisceshite!
Dock is Pisceshite!
Piece-of-shite. Piece of
Boat can't come till low tide in the
morning. 6:00 a.m. at the earliest.
Do they understand
the situation?
There is no other landing point,
and Miles' dumbass Banksy
dock was set to low-tide height
and it isn't buoyant.
It is a piece of shit.
Oh, heck. Yeah, all
right, all right. Um
I suggest you all retire to your
rooms, lock the doors until 5:30,
when we will convene here
and walk together to the dock.
I'll stay up all
night with the body.
Make sure it's not
tampered with in any way.
I recommend that
everyone gets some sleep.
Oh!
That is
[gasps] That's
your glass, Miles.
[Miles] He
He picked up mine.
He picked up mine.
He
Now we could
Uh
Oh, come on, Miles.
Miles, it's us!
Miles, baby, for real?
I'll pay you one billion dollars
to tell me which one
of them tried to kill me.
- Miles! - Miles!
- [phone dings] -
[glass shield thuds]
I'm just going to
silence Duke's phone.
We're staying here in this room.
I'm keeping you all in plain
sight until that boat arrives.
- That's what we're doing.
- For God's sakes.
[scoffs]
Where's Whiskey? Where's Andi?
Where's Duke's phone?
It just dinged. It must be here.
[Lionel] Yeah, I saw it.
We just heard it.
It isn't in any of his pockets.
Well, he must have dropped it
somewhere. Let's wait for it to ding again.
Forget about his phone. Look.
Where is his stupid gun?
Oh, fiddlesticks. When
did his gun disappear?
He always has his gun.
Well, he always has it, which
means we stopped seeing it.
But at some point this
evening, it was gone.
- When was that?
- Andi.
We need to find Andi.
[Miles] Andi!
Oh. [sputters]
- Mr. Bron!
- [male voice over speakers] Dong!
Oh, it's all right. It's just
that hourly dong thing.
What?
- Oh, no. No.
- Miles, calm down!
Oh, shit. Shit.
- No. It's happening.
- Mr. Bron. What is the matter?
It was the game. The game! My murder
game. We were gonna be having drinks,
and I thought it'd be fun to say
something dramatic at 10:00.
We were gonna have 20
minutes where [gasps]
Blanc, you have to help me. You
have to help me. Help me! Help me!
What happens at ten o'clock?
[systems powering down]
[Birdie screaming]
- [Peg] Birdie, listen to my voice.
- [Birdie] Oh my God.
- Is that you?
- [Peg] Stop screaming.
- [Birdie] Something touched me!
- [Benoit] Do not panic!
- [Birdie] It's so dark.
- [Peg] I'm here.
- Where's my phone? It has a flashlight.
- [Birdie] I can't see.
- [Benoit] How does this...
- [Claire] Lionel!
- [Lionel] Claire?
- Everybody
- [Lionel] Over here!
- I'm here!
Stand still. Calm
down. Do not panic.
It was Andi!
[panting] It was Andi.
She killed Duke, and she
tore our room apart. I saw her!
- What?!
- [Claire] Is that a speargun?
No. Not today!
[Birdie] Wait, wait, wait.
- [Benoit] Mr. Bron!
- [Claire] What the hell is happening?
Oh, hell's bells! Just,
everybody, just stay here!
[gasps]
[footsteps]
[Peg] Aha! Here's my phone!
Birdie? Lionel? Guys?
Andi?
[Benoit] Andi!
[panting]
[footsteps running]
Who's that?
Oh, Lord help us.
[footsteps approaching]
Helen.
- [grunts] - [panting]
Now listen, did you
take Duke's gun?
Why would I take Duke's
gun? Why are the lights out?
- Duke is dead.
- What?
I don't understand.
Please. Trust me.
It's all in plain sight.
We only need one last piece of
information, but only you can...
[gunshot]
[glass shield thuds]
[Claire] Lionel? Lionel?
[Peg] Guys? Where are you?
[Miles] I'm here! What happened?
- [Claire] Did you hear that?
- [Miles] Guys?
[Lionel] I heard it from
here. Everybody all right?
[Miles] What was that?
[Peg] Was that a gunshot?
It sounded like a gunshot.
[systems powering up]
[knife clatters]
Oh, God.
[screams, whimpers]
[gasps]
[Benoit] Everyone. Inside.
- Shouldn't we...
- She's not going anywhere.
It's time to finish this.
Peg, radio the mainland. Tell
them to send the boats now.
Banksy be damned!
Beach them if they have to!
- She killed Duke. Why would she...
- No.
It makes no sense.
It all makes perfect sense.
Duke, Andi, this weekend,
this ridiculous game that started
well before we set foot on this island.
Will you explain it
to us then, detective?
No, I can peel back the layers,
I can take it to a point,
but what lies at the center,
only one person can tell us
who killed Cassandra Brand.
[gentle piano music playing]
[knock on door]
[Benoit] Get that, would ya?
[Phillip] You're not in
the bath again, are you?
[Benoit hesitates] No!
[door unlocking]
Yep?
Uh
Can I help you?
[in Southern accent] Yes, is
this Benoit Blanc's residence?
Um, what is this regarding?
Well, his office was closed, and
I really need to speak with him.
It's urgent. Please.
Blanc! There's
someone here for you.
With a box!
[Benoit chuckles] Oh my.
Well, why don't we
start at the beginning?
My name is Helen Brand, and I
came all the way here from Alabama.
Well, what do you do in Alabama?
I teach. Third grade.
Do a lot of Zooming.
We've been getting into tie-dying
a lot and all this pandemic stuff.
Okay, none of
that really matters.
Mr. Blanc, two days
ago, I received a call.
My twin sister
committed suicide.
In her car.
In her garage.
With the engine running.
My sister was Cassandra
Brand. Do you know who she was?
Yes, of course. I'm sorry, you I
thought you looked familiar. [chuckles]
Impressive woman, your sister.
You know, she kept a
journal every day of her life
since she was six years old.
You know what she called it?
"Notes For Future
Biographers." Biographers. Plural.
- The girl was six years old.
- [chuckles]
Then the day after high
school, she shot off to New York,
and she just never looked back.
[laughs] You know,
when we were kids,
we goofed together, and we'd
do this character, Rich Bitch.
"Heavens, the dog
ate the caviar again."
[chuckles]
Then I hear her doing a talk, and
that's exactly how she sounded.
Rich Bitch! And I'm like, "Who
are you fooling, girl? Not me!"
She had the guts and
brains for both of us,
and I was just happy
watching her, you know?
So you, um You get the call
Yeah, yeah. I get the call
and I fly in. This was yesterday.
And then I go to Andi's house.
I'm cleaning it out. It's a mess.
All of her books everywhere.
And I'm just thinking about
what was taken from my sister,
how I wasn't there for her.
And I'm getting angrier and angrier,
and then I just hear a knock at the door,
and it's some courier with
this thing from Miles Bron.
And I'm sure there's
some clever way to open it.
I don't know. I just open it.
And it's an invitation
to his private island in
Greece for next weekend.
One of those little trips she'd go on
with him and his group of shitheads.
They like to call
themselves "The Disruptors."
But I knew who they were, and I
told her who they were. Shitheads.
[sighs]
Miss Brand, what
can I do for you?
Andi didn't commit suicide.
[dramatic music plays]
[Helen] She didn't
leave any note.
So I went on her computer,
and I looked in her email,
her sent messages, to see if
she wrote anybody anything.
And look. She sent this at 4:00 p.m.,
the day she was murdered, four days ago.
"I finally found it."
"It's right here, and I'm going to
use it to burn his whole empire down."
"I'm giving you all one last
chance to make things right."
"You know where to find me. A."
And I'm assuming all of
these names here are...
Birdie Jay, Duke Cody, Claire
Debella and Lionel Toussaint.
The Shitheads.
She sends that email,
nobody writes back anything,
and then the next day,
she's dead in the garage
with sleeping
pills in her system?
I searched every inch of
every room in her house,
and guess what wasn't there?
The red envelope.
Compelling.
Google said you are the
world's greatest detective.
Somebody like me,
takes something like this
about a group of rich folk
with an army full of lawyers...
But if one was to get 'em alone,
isolated for a weekend
with, in your words,
the world's greatest detective
You wanna hire me
to go to that island.
It's a stupid idea, right?
Listen, I want to be clear, huh?
I am not Batman.
I can find you the truth,
I can gather evidence,
I can present it to the police
and the courts, but [scoffs]
that is where my
jurisdiction ends.
Yeah, but it's you doing it
instead of me. I'll take those odds.
I've not seen your
sister's death in the news.
- Did you release a statement?
- [Helen] No.
Shit. Was I supposed to?
I don't know how this works.
And you have no other family member
who was informed of the death and
Oh, if I pulled a few strings,
I could keep it from leaking to
the press for another week?
Maybe, that's
Oh.
No, that's outrageous.
That wouldn't
Well, now
Wow. No, that Yes. Miss Brand.
Any feelings of reverence
or respect that you had for me
when you crossed my threshold,
buttress those feelings now.
Buttress them.
I am proposing that you
come with me to that island
as your sister.
As Cassandra Brand.
What? No. No, no,
no, I'm hiring you to go.
I I'm not Are you insane?
Buttress now. Yes.
A famous detective shows up
and out of the blue, starts
poking the subject of your sister,
they'll shut up like a clam.
Your presence on that
island is the essential catalyst.
- Oh, no, come on, man.
- Buttress.
Yeah, I'm trying real hard to
buttress, but this sounds nuts.
But it is the only
way that this works.
Look at me. They'll know
instantly that I'm not her.
You'll cut your hair.
You'll wear her clothes.
Oh, you really think
I can fit into that shit?
- And what about my hair?
- I know a guy.
Now, why would anyone suspect
you showing up, playing your sister,
when they don't know your sister is dead?
[Helen] Right.
They don't know Andi is dead.
So why would they
suspect anything?
- And you'll do the inspecting?
- Yes, I will. You just have to be there.
Mr. Blanc, is Is this safe?
No. No.
One person will know
the truth about you.
From the moment you
arrive on that island,
the killer will know who you
are and what you are doing.
And they certainly wouldn't hesitate
to kill again if it covers their tracks.
I'm I'm a detective,
Helen. I'm not a bodyguard.
I'm sorry. I can't help you.
No.
One of those shitheads
killed my sister.
Do you really think we
can get the son of a bitch?
[suspenseful music playing]
[music continues]
Well, my goodness.
I shouldn't be here. This is
nuts. But I'm here. So let's do this.
- Drink? - You need a drink.
Oh, no, I don't drink.
I'll have some coffee.
[waiter] All right.
Andi's journals.
Good, you keep studying
them. Okay, so Tomorrow.
I'll get there early.
Really lay on some Southern
hokum, get them all off guard.
On the boat be cold.
Don't engage in conversation.
- Okay, I'm not great on boats.
- Oh, you'll be fine.
Just remember, Rich
Bitch voice. Andi posture.
I have all of her TED Talks on
this, and I've been studying 'em.
Good.
- [in stately tone] The dog ate the caviar.
- There you go.
Yeah.
[in Southern
accent] So, you said
you were gonna be researching
these folks for motive.
Did you find anything?
Yes, I did.
But motives for each of
them to want Miles Bron dead.
Now why would they
kill her to protect him?
I just don't get it.
What about Miles?
What if he just did it?
Well, we can't rule it out,
but Miles Bron is not an idiot.
To risk committing murder
after a very public court case,
with the possibility of that
email of Andi's coming to light,
would be an exceedingly
stupid thing to do.
Especially if someone
was willing to do it for him.
Come on. Walk me
through these journals.
Okay.
About ten years ago,
before they all hit it big,
they used to hang
together at this bar.
[Benoit] And Miles
was leader of the pack?
[Helen] No. Andi was.
They were all friends with Andi.
Birdie was a washed-up model.
Duke was a nerd doing
video game tournaments.
Claire just lost a
race for city council.
Lionel was a substitute teacher.
All of them run
aground in their thirties.
But Andi saw their
potentials. She found them all.
- Hi! - Hey!
[Helen] Then she found Miles.
Introduced him to the group.
This is Miles.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Hey, bro.
[Claire] I love your hair.
[Helen] At first,
nobody liked him.
[Miles] outlive the person
[Helen] He'd say stuff like
I want to be responsible
for something
that gets talked about in the same
breath as the Mona Lisa. Forever.
What does that even mean?
It just means immortality.
He wants to create something
that feels lasting, that feels...
His first venture was
Moviefone for foot massages.
- Did it work?
- [Lionel] No!
Okay, listen, let's
just roll with it.
Let's humor him. Let's see where
it goes. Let's see what happens.
- Hey, team.
- [Helen] And things started happening.
[screams]
[Helen] He got Birdie a show
for her designs. It did well.
Got Lionel published.
Duke set up at Twitch.
Claire elected locally.
at you. I love you back!
[Helen] You know, small
stuff, but it happened.
And then the big thing happened.
What is that you're working on?
He told me
Let the children lose it
Let the children use it
Let all the children boogie
So based on the napkin idea,
Andi and Miles created Alpha.
It blows up. They bring
everyone along for the ride.
Miles' aspirations keep
getting bigger and bigger.
Cut to two years ago,
Miles meets some
sketchy Norwegian scientist
at an ayahuasca ceremony in Peru
who sells him on this
whole new hydrogen fuel.
- Hmm. - He becomes obsessed.
And he's willing to give the company's
entire resources to launch this thing.
No.
Andi. Andi, come on. This is it!
No, no, no. This is not a start-up.
This could blow up the world.
Yeah.
No! Literally, Miles. This
could blow up the world!
[sighs]
The reality-distortion field
ends here. I can't let you do this.
What What do you
mean you can't let me?
I'll walk.
And I'll take half the company
to stop you from using it for this.
And she did it. And,
God, I love that she did it.
Then she found out Miles had
the lawyers work the contract
so she was cut out the
company completely.
So she sued over that?
Her whole case was based on
intellectual ownership of
the company's founding idea.
Her idea on the napkin.
Which she didn't keep.
Miles was very
excited. He had an idea.
Uh, so he grabbed a napkin,
and he, uh, he scribbled
something on it to show us.
- That's a lie! Your Honor, it's a lie.
- [judge] Order! Counsel, get your client...
[Andi] Look me in the eye,
Claire! You know it's a lie!
It's a lie.
[camera shutters clicking]
[lawyer] And do you recall,
Mr. Cody, who wrote this napkin?
Yeah, Miles.
Uh, it was Miles.
Miles.
[Helen] This was March.
And right after the verdict,
Miles suddenly found the
napkin written in his handwriting
and did all those
interviews about it.
[Benoit] A
bald-faced fabrication.
A damn lie, and it worked.
[dramatic music playing]
[grunts]
So every one of The
Disruptors perjured themselves
to destroy Andi and
shield Miles Bron.
We You and I, we need
to find out why. Motive.
Whose was strong enough to go
one step further and commit murder?
And then, this will be tricky,
everyone's whereabouts
on the night of her death.
Who could have been at Andi's
house that night? Opportunity.
- Our suspects, motive, opportunity Hey!
- Mm-hmm.
- This kinda looks like that Clue notepad.
- Yes, yes, yes.
You must be really
great at Clue, huh?
I'm very bad at dumb
things. My Achilles' heel.
Ticking boxes, running
around, searching all the rooms.
It's just a terrible,
terrible game.
Well, my students love it.
I'm scared.
I understand.
This is your last
chance to back out.
[dramatic music playing]
[grunts softly]
Oh, God. Boats.
[Duke whistles]
Ballsy move.
[Birdie] You shouldn't be here.
Duke and Birdie, I think they're onto
me. Or they were just being assholes.
Well, that's not
mutually exclusive.
Now, look, I suspect,
when we're all settling in,
Bron's going to pull me
aside to explain my presence.
That is your chance to snoop.
Snoop?
Snoop.
[suspenseful music playing]
Snooping. Snoop.
Okay, here we go.
- [Whiskey] Hey.
- [Helen, in stately tone] Hi.
Andi.
Yes.
I'm Whiskey. We
didn't really meet.
- Are you looking for the pool?
- I am.
- Do you want to walk?
- Sure.
Do you want this? I'm not into
it. It smells like that guy Derol.
That's a beautiful
necklace. You're a Taurus?
Yeah. Um, Miles got it for me.
He, um, surprised
me for my birthday.
He filled his entire penthouse
apartment with roses.
It was very cute.
He's a really good
guy. He's complicated.
But
I think it's really shitty
what they all did to you.
And how they all treated you.
I read your court transcripts,
and you got shanked.
Thanks, Whiskey.
Yeah, this is my second
one of these things.
We did a yacht thing last year.
Well, that sounds fun.
[laughs] No.
I mean, when they're all
together, it's kind of the worst.
Duke just treats me like arm
candy, and they just ignore me.
- Why do you put up with it?
- With Duke?
I'm building my brand, and he's
putting me on his channel more often.
Though, he's leaning harder
right into this mandom stuff.
If I'm going to go
into politics eventually,
I don't think that's a
road I wanna go down.
It's expeditious, but
it's kind of a shitshow.
- Oh, here's the pool.
- I'm gonna walk around a little longer.
- I'll catch you over there.
- Okay.
Hey, it's really great
talking to you, Whiskey.
You too.
- [male voice over speakers] Dong!
- [gong reverberating]
- [gunshot] -
[Claire] Oh my God!
[Duke] Really.
Asshole.
- [Miles] Now it's a party.
- [grunts]
I did it. Two
weeks ago, I did it.
You signed off
on the power plant.
Yep. When this
thing breaks, poof.
My whole base is gone.
The grassroots lefties? Gone.
I did it too.
Did what?
I signed off on putting
Klear in a manned mission.
- The staff doesn't know it yet.
- [Claire] Oh, God damn it.
Let's just pray that Andi was
wrong about this Klear stuff.
No, she was right.
You put its gas form
into household piping,
there's massive leakage into the air.
The hydrogen particles are too small.
Hydrogen gas?
Lionel. I sold my soul for this.
You're telling me that it could literally
turn people's homes into the Hindenburg?
I will take care of
him. Don't worry.
There was a time,
you know, back when
I was the one on
magazines. He was nobody.
He was this little
thing in my hand.
I preferred that.
Andi! Hi!
Wow! No. [chuckles]
You're really good at this.
This is interesting stuff about Whiskey
and motives for both Lionel and Claire.
Well done!
Those were motives?
Because I was kind of confused.
Oh, no, they bet the farm
and will both be ruined
along with Miles if he fails.
They need to protect
him at all costs.
But I can't imagine them
killing her. I just can't.
Think of the crime,
the nature of it.
No, they've come to
apologize, to make amends.
And the murder
itself, it's nonviolent.
Gentle even.
They don't even see her die.
[engine starts]
[Benoit] She just goes to sleep.
No. No.
They're all more than capable.
[Helen gulping]
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I thought you said
you didn't drink?
Oh, this? This isn't a drink.
This is some funky health stuff.
No, you give me that.
That's hard kombucha. That's
Jared Leto's hard kombucha.
What is it that? That's
9% alcohol or so
Get off that. How many
of these things you had?
I don't know, but I feel fine.
Okay? We need to focus.
We need to focus. We need to
find the O's, the opportunities.
We got to open them
up. It's time to push.
No, no, no. We're not
pushing anything right now.
Listen, I feel good.
I think maybe you
should lie down.
- We're running out of time, Blanc!
- Helen!
[softly] Helen
Please.
Think of the danger here.
You gotta step back
and let me handle this.
Push nothing.
[Miles] They're
gonna tell you to stop.
Even your partner will
say, "You need to stop."
Because as it turns out,
nobody wants you to
break the system itself.
But that is what
true disruption is.
And that is what
unites all of us.
We all got to that
line and crossed it.
[Claire] Andi
Wait! Wait.
Wait? No, you wait!
That day in court, you
couldn't even look me in the eye.
What are you doing?
You want to talk
about the email?
Oh.
So now you want to talk about the
email? You didn't even write back.
I'm a politician.
I never email anything
that I wouldn't want to see
on the front page of The Times.
That's why I called.
[scoffs]
We all did. Right after
we got it, over and over.
You Your phone was off,
and then the whole next week.
Yeah, I've got a new number.
And when we couldn't reach
you, I went to your house.
[Claire] Lionel and I got
there at the same time.
Duke was already there.
- [Duke] Andi!
- [Lionel] Hey, Andi?
[Duke] The lights were out.
I was pounding so hard,
I almost broke it down.
Andi!
We knocked, waited, and called
for you, but after an hour, we left.
Birdie came back later on to
check. It was the same thing.
- Where the hell were you, Andi?
- What time did you get there?
I don't know. It was dark.
And, Duke,
you were already there?
He almost got in an
accident on his motorcycle,
he was driving so fast.
Andi, I almost got pancaked.
Okay, okay. Can you say all
that one more time for me, please?
[sighs]
Look.
I don't know what you're
planning on pulling being here,
but we need to talk about this.
If I would've answered
the door that night,
would you have said, "I'm
sorry. I back you with Miles."
Or were you just showing up
so you could stop me
from using that envelope?
Something's off.
I don't like it.
What's she playing at?
[alarm blaring]
[automated voice] Please,
keep our water clean. Please
[Helen] Blanc!
[automated voice] Please,
keep our water clean.
That's everything
she said, I think.
I think maybe you should take
up drinking. You're just killing it.
Lionel and Claire were never there alone.
But Duke came early and Birdie came late.
But they could've gotten
there early, killed your sister,
circled away and then
waited for the other to arrive.
Shit.
Something is just teasing
the edge of my brain.
This this case confounds
me. It just confounds me.
We don't have a motive
for Duke or Birdie, so...
Do either of you two want
to do a session or what?
I'm on the clock.
No, not right now.
[fax machine whirring]
Maybe later.
All right. It's your
money, not mine.
Ugh. Oh, if I ever meet Jared Leto, I'm
gonna whoop his kombucha-brewing ass.
One number. All his machines.
[Helen] Holy shit.
From that afternoon, just
minutes after Andi sent the email.
Lionel. Lionel faxed it...
Now hold on, it doesn't
necessarily mean he Get down.
Right now. Go to him.
Do what you gotta do,
push that son of a bitch.
Just get an answer out of him.
Look, babe. We really need this.
So do this for me one last time, okay?
- All right. I love...
- [line disconnects]
[Miles chuckles]
[Miles moaning]
[Miles] Come here.
[rustling]
Are you gonna do it for me?
[Miles] Mm-hmm.
[grunts]
Not that.
- Hmm? - Huh-uh.
Oh, come on, come on.
It's all he wants.
The YouTube channel's
dying. He needs the exposure.
Just put him on Alpha News,
baby. Just a late-night spot.
And you know he's
earned it. With what he did.
[Miles] Listen, listen.
I am building the
future of news.
I can't have rhino-horn-boner-pill
karma in the mix.
- [both giggle]
- See? See?
Like, he is my loyal friend, but I
can't put him on Alpha News. Okay?
[breathing heavily]
[Birdie] There's
no stopping it, Peg.
I can't do this
anymore. I'm done.
- Peg!
- Don't. Just don't talk to me!
- Wait! Peg!
- [Peg] Ten years! Ten years!
My therapist says this
is a toxic relationship.
- [Birdie] Don't be like that!
- [Peg] Don't follow me. Birdie!
I quit! I quit!
[Birdie] It was a tribute
to Beyonc, but people
[fast forwarding]
[Peg] What did Miles mean,
"This is her only chance"?
[Birdie] What does
anything mean?
[Peg] I swear to God, I'll punch
you in the face if you do not
tell me!
I am going to
sign the statement.
No! That will destroy
us. There's no coming...
The story is gonna break!
There's no stopping it!
We will do what we always do.
Deny, half-apologize,
and then go silent awhile.
I will handle this. You
What is this?
It's my secret phone.
What is this?
An email from the Sweetie
Pants contractor two years ago.
"Miss Jay, I'm writing to inform you
that the proposed Bangladesh factory
is notoriously one of the
world's biggest sweatshops."
"Please advise."
And then you replied,
"Sounds perfect. Thanks."
With your Memoji dabbing.
Birdie,
please tell me you did not think
sweatshops are where they make
sweatpants.
Oh my God.
[sighs] Miles is
going to pay me off.
He said if I take full
responsibility for the sweatshops,
he'll pay me the
value of my shares.
Thirty million.
I will do whatever I
have to do to save myself,
and he is my only lifeline.
- Can I have my secret phone back?
- [Peg] No.
This never happens in Clue.
That's because
it's a terrible game.
They all had a
motive to protect Miles.
They were all there that
night. So what now, detective?
The envelope.
Whoever killed your sister took
that envelope to protect Miles,
and they wouldn't
just destroy it.
They would want him to
see what they'd done for him.
They brought it here. It's here.
So how are we
supposed to find it?
Well, unless someone brings
an attach case to dinner,
they won't have an envelope
that size on their person.
They'll have to
hide it in their room.
So, at dinner tonight
Andi. I'm hoping it's
still whiskey soda.
[Benoit] You need to keep
your head clear and stay sharp.
Because you have to find a way.
[Helen] I want the truth!
[thuds]
I can give you that.
[Benoit] A way that is
so painfully uncomfortable
that nobody will
question it or follow you.
- Pick a fight. And lose.
- I'm tired of pretending.
[Benoit] We have
to find that envelope.
You're the loser.
That's the truth.
[Duke grunts]
There she is. There's
the Andi I know.
- [cell phone dings]
- [thuds]
[in Southern accent] He's a son
of a bitch, Whiskey. Leave his ass.
[dramatic music playing]
[Benoit] Search their rooms.
Ransack them, fast and thorough.
Don't worry about being neat.
[cell phone buzzing]
[grunts]
[gasps]
["Cool Change" by
Little River Band playing]
Hey.
Hi. Sorry.
Want to hang out or
[cell phone buzzing]
Damn it.
What the hell?
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
[dramatic music playing]
[Whiskey screams]
Andi?
[male voice over speakers] Dong!
I can explain this.
Huh?
Wait a minute. Whiskey,
is the party over?
No. No. I left.
Duke [crying]
I left Duke because I
couldn't He didn't deserve this.
How am I going to tell his mom?
Hey, hey, hey. Yes, he
did. Okay? He is a bastard.
I don't feel sorry for him.
He deserved what he got, and
you are better off without him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the fuck?
- [systems powering
down] - [both scream]
[Whiskey] Please don't kill me!
Oh my God, please don't kill me!
[Helen] I'm not trying to
kill you, you crazy bitch!
[dramatic music playing]
[panting]
Andi?
[Benoit] Andi!
Blanc!
Blanc, where are
you? Where are you?
Helen! Listen, there's great
danger. Did you take Duke's gun?
Why would I take Duke's
gun? And why are the lights out?
Duke is dead.
What?
No time. Did you
find the envelope?
No, I searched every
room. It's not there.
Oh, I've been a fool! There's
one more room to search.
They already gave it to
Miles. It's in the Glass Onion.
If I can distract everyone, and
you can get up there and find it...
No, but that doesn't tell
us who gave it to him.
Blanc, I don't understand.
Please. Trust me.
It's all in plain sight.
We only need one last piece of
information, but only you can...
- [gunshot] - [harpsichord
music playing]
[whimpers]
[gasps]
[panting]
Son of a bitch!
Blanc, go chase him!
What are you doing?
Don't let him get away.
The killer thinks you're dead.
This is our cover.
I can buy you maybe five minutes alone
in the Glass Onion, but you have to...
- Give me that.
- You have to find that envelope.
- I will. - That's it
Oh, no, give me
that. Give me that.
This'll be good.
[clears throat]
Oh. Oh. Oh!
Shitballs!
Blanc
Yes.
[systems powering up]
[Claire] Oh, God.
[Birdie screams, whimpers]
[Miles] God, Andi.
[Benoit] Everyone,
inside right now.
- [Claire] Shouldn't we...
- [Benoit] She's not going anywhere.
- [Helen grunts
softly] - [Benoit] Inside.
[Helen whimpering softly]
[Benoit] It's
time to finish this.
[Helen straining]
[gasps, blowing nose]
Shitballs.
[Miles] It makes no sense.
[Benoit] This
makes perfect sense.
Duke, Andi, this weekend,
this ridiculous game that started
well before we set foot on this island.
Will you explain it to
us all then, detective?
No, I can peel back the layers,
I can take it to a point,
but what lies at the center,
only one person can tell us
who killed Cassandra Brand.
Who?
Well, I keep returning, in
my mind, to the Glass Onion.
Something that seems densely
layered, mysterious and inscrutable.
But in fact, the
center is in plain sight.
Where? Where?
And that is why this case has
confounded me like no other.
Why every complex layer
peeled back has revealed
another layer and another
layer and come to naught.
And that was the
problem, right there.
You see, I expected complexity.
I expected intelligence. I
expected a puzzle, a game.
But that's not
what any of this is.
It hides not behind complexity,
but behind mind-numbing
obvious clarity.
Truth is, it
doesn't hide at all.
I was staring right at it.
[soaring, dramatic music plays]
The killer nearly
struck my Achilles' heel.
But thank high heaven,
at the last moment,
I realized what had teased my
brain through this entire case
"Inbreathiate."
It's not a word.
What?
Can we just take a second and
fully inbreathiate this moment?
It's not a real word.
It kind of sounds like one,
but it's just entirely made up.
Now "reclamation,"
now, well, that
That is a word, but
it's the wrong word.
This place is the full reclamation of
everything I've achieved up to now.
This entire day
The predefinite detective.
A veritable minefield
of malapropisms
The infraction point.
and factual errors.
Bask in the sun,
swim in the Ionian Sea.
That is the Aegean Sea.
Oh, yeah, it is. It is.
His dock doesn't float. His
wonder-fuel is a disaster.
His grasp of disruption
theory is remedial at best.
He didn't design the puzzle
boxes. He didn't write the mystery.
Et voil! It all adds up.
The key to this entire case.
And it was staring
me right in the face.
Like everyone in the world,
I assumed Miles Bron
was a complicated genius.
But why?
Look into the clear
center of this Glass Onion
Miles Bron is an idiot.
Oh, please. Just tell
us who tried to kill me.
Nobody tried to kill you,
you vainglorious buffoon.
Duke took my glass!
That's what you told us he did.
He must've picked it up by mistake,
you told us, right after it happened.
Look at that dress spin.
Birdie, do that again. Watch this.
And after you said those words,
that's what we all
remember seeing, but think!
Ignore his lies, everyone,
and think clearly now.
What did we all actually see?
Wow! Look at that dress
spin. Birdie, that's amazing.
Just
- [gasps] - [Benoit] You
handed Duke your own glass.
Clear as crystal. Right
in front of our eyes.
All of us. And then told
a bald-faced fabrication.
And it worked.
Blanc, are you telling
us Miles killed Duke?
- Yes. - Why?
Because the night Andi
sent you all the emails,
when Duke got to Andi's
house early on his motorcycle
[engine revving]
[Benoit] he saw Miles leaving.
[tires screeching]
[Benoit] Was
almost struck by him.
In fact, he told all of us. Right
out in the open, he told us.
Iconic.
Remember that night you almost pancaked
me with it on the road outside of Andi's?
Anderson Cooper's
birthday? Mm-hmm.
That night, at Andi's.
That night, Duke told us
he almost got in an accident.
He pancaked?
Yeah, but Miles had been living
in Greece the past six months.
No. Whiskey.
Miles saw you on your
birthday in New York.
Gave you that necklace for your
birthday. And you're a Taurus.
I am.
Two weeks ago.
- [Benoit] Forget the hydrofuels
- May 9th.
and the sweatshops,
and the consensual cuckolding
for cable news assignments.
Sorry, what?
And focus
on the envelope.
[screams]
[gasps] Holy shit!
What is reality?
Andi?
[Benoit] Who did the
envelope threaten?
Miles Bron.
That night, Lionel faxed Andi's email
to Miles who received it in New York.
The one thing that could
destroy his empire of lies,
the truth in the hands of the
only person unafraid to tell it.
So Miles drives his
Baby Blue Porsche
to the scene of the
crime, and Andi lets him in.
Of course she did.
Miles' machine of
lawyers and power
could destroy her
through sheer dumb force.
But Miles himself?
Oh, she was clever
enough not to fear Miles.
But she didn't see the real threat,
the obvious threat until it was too late.
Duke alone knew you were there that
night, but he didn't know Andi was dead.
No, no, he didn't know
that until this evening.
Right here, when he got a
Google Alert on his phone,
which has now
fallen strangely silent.
And which he showed to you
[gasps]
because you don't own a phone.
Duke! No!
Did he really think he
could stop all of them
from finding out
about Andi's death?
They all have phones.
- Where's my phone?
- [Birdie] Peggy.
- Phone! - Still no.
[Benoit] He didn't
need to hide the death.
He just needed to hide that
Duke had shown him the death
moments before he was killed.
Right out in the open,
Duke showed him.
[Duke] That
changes things, right?
It sure does.
And told him exactly what he
wanted in return for his silence.
Numbers like this. Maybe
we can talk Alpha News?
You bet your ass. Come here.
So what does Miles do?
Does he keep a vial of poison
in his tooth or something?
Is that a rich person thing?
No, no, no, no, it's just It's
so much stupider than that.
Birdie, what are the ingredients
to your Cuban Breeze?
Um, vodka, amaretto.
Oh, God.
[Birdie] And pineapple juice.
No pineapple in that, right?
Duke don't dance with pineapple.
An allergy.
He can't even have a drop.
Pineapple juice!
He just put pineapple
juice in his whiskey.
It's so dumb.
Oh, it's so
dumb, it's brilliant.
No! It's just dumb!
"Died of an apparent suicide.
She is survived by her sister, Helen."
Helen.
You told me about
Helen, your sister...
[gasps] Oh, wait!
Helen Brand, ladies
and gentlemen.
And now we come to
Helen's attempted murder,
which, I have to give you credit for,
did have a sound foundation of thought.
You realized the opportunity
laid out in front of you.
You have a house
on a remote island,
filled with desperate people,
all of whom have a real-life reason
to wish this woman harm. You...
Furthermore, you have a loaded
gun conveniently within reach.
And the lights had
even been turned off.
You've taken seven people,
each of whom has a real-life
reason to wish you harm,
gathered them together
on a remote island,
and placed the idea of
your murder in their heads.
It's like putting a loaded gun on
the table and turning off the lights!
Heavens to
You dim-witted, brainless
jackass!
Your one murder,
with any panache at all,
and you stole the
whole idea from me.
[dramatic music playing]
[gunshot]
And after all that, you
You still kept the envelope?
You didn't burn it or anything?
You recognize this?
Andi's handwriting.
I got you, son of a bitch.
Oh, let's slow down
there, sister. Okay?
Because first, how could you
ever prove that that's the original?
- She might have copied mine.
- No.
The bar closed nine years ago,
and hers has one thing
that yours just doesn't.
Okay, but second
[thuds]
- What the hell did he do?
- He just burned it!
[Miles] Burned what?
I didn't see anything.
[Helen] You burned it!
- Is someone making toast?
- This will not stand.
Uh-huh. Well, did you see this
proof, this smoking napkin, Blanc?
No. Did anybody?
Okay, then wow!
Wow! We got some big
accusations flying around here.
Except, everybody seems to have
a very foggy recollection
of what they actually saw,
and there's nothing but
totally circumspective evidence.
[sighs]
So, if this was just us playing
my murder mystery game,
which we should have
been doing all weekend,
then Blanc wins an
iPad Pro this time.
But this is the real world.
And in the real world, you need
more than a neat, little detective story.
You need evidence.
And you've got nothing.
Do you?
He's right.
The contents of that envelope
and his possession of it
were our only physical evidence.
Right.
Wanna take that to the cops?
You wanna take it to the courts?
[chuckles]
Look, you pick your poison.
Anywhere you go, it's going
to be your word against mine.
How do you think
that's gonna go?
I think it's gonna go
about like it went for Andi.
Jesus.
And, I do want to say,
your sister was a complicated
woman, but she meant the world to me.
And I'm so sorry for your loss.
Nobody's stepping up?
Raise your hand and say,
"I saw him take Duke's gun."
"I saw him that night
at Andi's house."
"I saw the napkin
before he burned it."
We didn't
We We didn't.
You would lie for a lie, but
you won't lie for the truth.
You're still holding
on to his titties.
You shitheads.
Blanc.
I need you to do something.
I'm sorry, Helen.
I gave you the truth.
This is where my
jurisdiction ends.
I have to answer to the
police, the courts, the system.
There's nothing I can do.
Except maybe
offer you some courage.
And a reminder of why your
sister walked away in the first place.
[menacing music playing]
[frenetic string music playing]
[scoffs]
[glass shattering]
Hell, yeah!
Why the hell not?
Yeah, go, Helen!
All right, go, Helen!
[chuckles]
- [glass shatters] -
[music ends abruptly
- [screams] -
[electricity crackling]
God damn, that felt good.
[tense music playing]
Oh, really?
- You want to join in?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. - You go.
Yeah, we should Hey, Miles!
[music intensifies]
Okay.
[Birdie yells]
[women whooping]
I get it, guys. Let it all out.
[Birdie] Yes! Whoo!
[music ends]
[Whiskey and Claire whooping]
Yay! Mazel tov!
Ooh, coming in real hot.
Helen, easy!
Whoa!
I think that
belonged to Liberace.
Okay, I Are we done?
Whoa, whoa.
- We're not done.
- [Claire] Whoa, whoa.
[dramatic music playing]
Why are you... [gasps]
Ooh.
[screaming]
Okay. What?
What? What is it?
What do you want?
We're not...
[women screaming]
- [gasps] - Oh my God! Whoa!
[Lionel] Miles! Fire
extinguisher. Miles?
[Birdie] Andi?
Uh, Helen!
- [Lionel] Fire extinguisher?
- [Birdie] Wait...
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
[Birdie] Helen, God damn it!
Come on, Helen! [gasps]
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! [screams]
Okay, stop!
Stop. Enough.
[sprinklers activating]
Helen, walk away.
Yeah.
With a reminder of why my sister
walked away in the first place.
Oh, shit!
[gasps] Hindenburg.
[automated voice] This
is a smokeless garden.
This is a smokeless garden.
This is a smokeless garden.
This is a smokeless garden.
Disruption. [chuckles]
[automated voice] This
is a smokeless garden.
Fuckin' A.
[both chuckling]
[metallic creaking]
[horn blares]
[huffing angrily]
["Mona Lisa" by Nat
King Cole playing]
Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa
Men have named you
You're so like the
lady With a mystic smile
Is it only 'cause you're
lonely They have blamed you
For that Mona Lisa
strangeness In your smile
Do you smile To tempt
a lover, Mona Lisa?
Or is this your way to hide
A broken heart?
Are you warm, are you real
Mona Lisa?
Or just a cold and lonely
Lovely work of art?
Mona Lisa
Mona Lisa
[song ends]
Oh, fantastic! Oh,
that's so punk rock!
What? You think
you're an alligator?
You think you popped
me like a gangster? No!
You baby!
[screams] You child!
You feel better now?
I hope your little bitch
tantrum gave you closure
'cause it accomplished nothing!
Your fuel of the
future just barbecued
the world's most famous
painting, you dumbass.
Congratulations on the
public launch of Klear
and the end of Miles Bron.
You're ruined. And
you did get your wish.
To forever be remembered
in the same breath
as the Mona Lisa.
No. No.
Gang? We all saw the same thing.
We know what happened. Am I right?
I saw the napkin he burned.
God, now that you mention it, I
clearly saw him grab Duke's gun.
I saw him driving away from
Andi's house the night she was killed.
Oh
you shitheads.
[harpsichord music playing]
[dramatic music playing]
[dramatic music fades]
[harpsichord playing]
[music ends]
Did you get the son of a bitch?
Yeah.
You ready to go home?
[harpsichord music resumes]
["Glass Onion" by
The Beatles playing]
I told you about
Strawberry Fields
You know the place
Where nothing is real
Well, here's another
place you can go
Where everything flows
Looking through
the bent-backed tulips
To see how the
other half live
Looking through
a glass onion
I told you about The
walrus and me, man
You know that we're
as close As can be, man
Well, here's another
clue for you all
The walrus was Paul
Standing on the
cast iron shore, yeah
Lady Madonna Trying
to make ends meet, yeah
Looking through
a glass onion
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
Looking through
a glass onion
I told you about
the fool on the hill
I tell you, man
He's living there still
Well, here's another
place you can be
Listen to me
Fixing a hole in the ocean
Trying to make a
dove-tail joint, yeah
Looking through
a glass onion
[song ends]
[ominous music playing]