Heathers: The Musical (2022) Movie Script

1
[upbeat music playing]
[cheering]
[school bell rings]
[cheering]
[Veronica] September 1st, 1989.
Dear diary.
I think I'm a good person.
I believe
there's good in everyone,
but here we are
first day of senior year.
I see these kids I've known
all my life and wondered,
what happened?
Freak! Slut! Burnout!
Bug-Eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!
We were so tiny
Happy and shiny
Playing tag
And getting chased
Freak!
Slut! Loser! Shortbus!
Singing and clapping
Laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
Bull-dyke! Stuck-up!
Hunchback!
Then we got bigger
That was the trigger
Like the Huns invading Rome
Move
Uh, sorry!
Welcome to my school
This ain't no high school
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath
And count the days
We're graduating soon
White trash!
College will be paradise
If I'm not dead by June!
But I know
I know
Life can be beautiful
I pray
I pray for a better way
If we changed back then
We could change again
We can be beautiful
Ow!
Just not today
-Hey, are you okay?
-Get away, nerd.
Freak! Slut!
Cripple! Homo!
Homo! Homo!
Things will get better soon
As my letter comes
From Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma
Take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of my ivy-covered walls
And smoky French cafes
Watch this!
Fight the urge
To strike a match
And send this dump ablaze!
Oops.
Ram Sweeney.
Third year as linebacker.
And eighth year
of smacking lunch trays
and being a huge dick.
What did you say to me, skank?
Nothing.
But I know, I know
I know life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray
I pray for a better way
We were kind before
We can be kind once more
We can be beautiful
Beautiful!
Agh! Hey, Martha.
Hey.
Martha Dunnstock.
My best friend since diapers.
She's got a huge heart.
Around here, that's not enough.
Thanks.
We on for movie night?
Yeah, you're on
Jiffy Pop detail.
I rented
The Princess Bride.
No, again?
Don't you have
it memorized by now?
What can I say?
I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
Martha Dumptruck!
If you wanna slim down,
you need more protein
in your diet.
Kurt Kelly.
Quarterback.
He is the smartest guy
on the football team.
Which is kind of like
being the tallest dwarf.
[laughing]
What is wrong with you?
I'm sorry,
are you actually talking to me?
My buddy Kurt
just asked you a question.
What gives you the right
to pick on my friend?
I mean, look at you.
You're a high school
has-been waiting to happen.
A future gas station attendant.
You got a zit right there.
[laughing]
Dear Diary.
Why
Why do they hate me?
Why don't I fight back?
[Kurt] Why do I act
Like such a creep?
[Veronica] Why?
Why won't he date me?
Why did I wear this?
Why do I cry myself
To sleep?
Why?
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some hope here!
Something to live for!
[dramatic music playing]
[cheering]
[all] Ah! Heather, Heather
And Heather!
Then there's the Heathers.
They float above it all.
[all] I love Heather
Heather, and Heather
Heather McNamara.
Head cheerleader.
Her dad is loaded,
he sells engagement rings.
Heather Duke.
Runs the yearbook.
No discernible personality,
but her mom did pay
for implants.
And Heather Chandler.
The Almighty.
[all] Heather
She is a mythic bitch.
The Heathers are solid Teflon,
never bothered, never harassed.
I would give anything
to be like that.
I'd like to be their boyfriend.
[all] That would be
Beautiful
If I sat at their table,
guys would notice me.
[all] So beautiful
I'd like them to be nicer.
[all] That would
Be beautiful
I'd like to kidnap a Heather
and photograph her naked
in an abandoned warehouse and
leave her tied up for the rats!
[school bell rings]
[Heather Duke vomits]
Grow up, Heather.
Bulimia is so '87.
Heather, I need a mint.
What you need,
Heather, is to see a doctor.
Ah, Heather and Heather.
[Heather Duke vomits]
And Heather.
Perhaps you didn't hear
the bell over all the vomiting.
You're late for class.
Heather wasn't feeling well.
We're helping her.
Not without
a hall pass you're not.
A week's detention.
My parents pay your salary!
Actually, Ms. Fleming,
all four of us
are out on a hall pass.
Yearbook committee.
[clears throat]
Well, I see you're all listed.
Hurry up
and get where you're going.
This is an excellent forgery.
Who are you?
Veronica Sawyer.
I crave a boon.
What boon?
Let me sit at your table
at lunch. Just once.
No talking necessary.
If people think you guys
tolerate me,
they'll leave me alone.
Before you answer,
I also do report cards,
permission slips
and absence notes.
How about prescriptions?
Shut up, Heather.
Sorry, Heather.
For a greasy little nobody,
she does have
good bone structure.
And a symmetrical face.
If I took a meat cleaver
down the center of her skull,
I'd have matching halves.
That's very important.
Of course, you could
stand to lose a few pounds.
And ya know, ya know
Ya know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss
And we're on our way
Get this girl some blush
And Heather
I need your brush
-Let's make her beautiful
-Let's make her beautiful
Let's make her beautiful
Make her beautiful
Okay?
Okay!
[school bell rings]
Out of my way, geek!
I don't want trouble!
You're gonna die
At 3:00 p.m.
[both] Don't you dare
Touch me!
Get away, pervert!
What'd I ever do to them?
[all] Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!
Who's that with Heather?
[all] Whoa!
Heather, Heather, Heather
And someone!
[all] Heather, Heather
Heather
And a babe!
[all] Heather, Heather
Heather
Veronica?
[all] Veronica?
Veronica? Veronica?
And ya know, ya know
Ya know
Life can be beautiful
You hope, you dream
You pray
And you get your way!
Ask me how it feels
Looking like hell on wheels
My God, it's beautiful!
[all] Beautiful!
My life is beautiful!
[all] Beautiful!
[Veronica]
And when you're beautiful
It's a beautiful
Frickin' day!
[all] Heather, Heather
Heather, Veronica!
Heather! Heather!
Heather, Veronica!
Veronica! Veronica!
Veronica!
Veronica!
[cheering and applauding]
Dear Diary,
it's been three weeks
since I became friends
with the Heathers.
Friends isn't the right
word exactly.
It's more like the Heathers
are people I work with.
And our job
is being popular and shit.
[school bell rings]
Hey, Veronica.
Hey!
You really look
beautiful these days.
Yeah, well, it's still
the same me underneath.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Look, I'm sorry I flaked
on movie night last week.
I've just had a lot going on.
I get that.
You're with the Heathers now.
It's exciting.
It's-- whatever. [laughs]
But we'll hang out soon,
I promise.
Veronica.
Heather requires
your presence. Now.
How very.
Veronica, I need
a forgery written
in Ram Sweeney's handwriting.
You'll need something
to lean on.
Heather, bend over.
[crowd laughs]
[Heather C] "Hi, beautiful.
I've been watching you
and thinking about us
in the old days.
I hope you can come to my
homecoming party this weekend.
I miss you, Ram."
Put an "XO" after the signature.
What's this for anyway?
You remember how Ram used
to hang with Martha Dumptruck?
Yeah, in kindergarten.
I mean, we all did.
We all didn't
kiss on the kickball field.
Oh, my God.
That's right, I totally forgot.
Ram kissed Martha Dumptruck.
[laughs]
It was disgusting.
Perfect. Boys?
Over here, please.
What do you think Heather wants?
My hot body?
Uh-huh, punch it in!
Hell yeah!
Ram, be a sweetie and give this
note to Martha Dumptruck for me.
What? No!
Martha's had a crush on Ram
for like 12 years.
This would kill her.
And come on, Heather,
you're bigger than this.
Are we gonna have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You've come so far, why now
are you pulling on my dick?
I'd normally slap your face off,
and everyone here could watch.
But I'm feeling nice.
Here's some advice.
Listen up, byatch!
-[rock music playing]
-[crowd cheering]
I like
Looking hot
Buying stuff they cannot
I like
Drinking hard
Maxing Dad's credit card
I like
Skipping gym
Scaring her, screwing him
I like
Killer clothes
Kicking nerds in the nose!
If you lack the balls
You can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you
A snack
Whoa!
Or you could come smoke
Pound some rum and coke
In my Porsche
With the quarterback
Oh, whoa
Oh, whoa, oh whoa!
Honey, what you waiting for?
Welcome to my candy store!
Time for you to prove
You're not a loser anymore
Then step
Into my candy store!
Guys fall
At your feet
Pay the check
Help you cheat!
All you
Have to do
Say goodbye to Shamu
That freak's
Not your friend
I can tell, in the end
If she
Had your shot
She would leave you to rot!
Of course if you don't care
Fine, go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on
Whoa!
Or forget that creep
And get in my Jeep
Let's go tear up
Someone's lawn!
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Honey, what you waiting for?
Welcome to my candy store!
You just gotta prove
You're not a pussy anymore
Then step
Into my candy store!
You can join the team
Or you can bitch and moan
You can live the dream
Or you can die alone
You can fly with eagles
Or if you prefer
Keep testing me
And end up like her!
Veronica, look! Ram invited me
to his homecoming party!
See? I told you there was
still something there.
This proves
he's been thinking about me!
Color me stoked.
I'm so happy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Honey what you
Waiting for--
Shut up, Heather!
Step into my candy store!
Whoa, time for you to prove
You're not
A lame-ass anymore!
Then step
Into my candy store!
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy store!
[crowd cheering]
You shouldn't have
bowed down to the swatch dogs
and diet-coke-heads.
They're gonna crush that girl.
I'm sorry, what?
Well, you clearly have a soul.
You just need to work harder
keeping it clean.
We're all born marked for evil.
Okay. Don't just quote
Baudelaire at me
and then walk away.
Excuse me,
I didn't catch your name.
I didn't throw it.
[crowd laughs]
Who does the guy in the jacket
think he is anyway,
he's Bo Diddley?
Veronica's into his act,
no doubt.
Let's kick his ass!
Hey, we're seniors, man.
We're too old for this.
Come on.
[Ram groans]
Hey, sweetheart!
What did your boyfriend say
when you told him
you were moving
to Sherwood, Ohio?
My buddy Kurt just asked you
a question.
[crowd laughs]
Hey, Ram,
doesn't this cafeteria
have a "no fags allowed" rule?
[Ram laughs]
I'm not sure
what your problem is.
But I bet it's really hard
for you to pronounce.
Hold his arms!
[tense music playing]
[grunts]
[all] Holy shit! Holy shit!
Holy shit! Holy shit!
Holy shit! Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit! Holy shit!
Why when you see boys fight
Does it look so horrible yet
Feel so right?
I shouldn't watch this crap
That's not who I am
But with this kid
Damn
Hey, Mr. No-Name Kid
So, who might you be?
And could you fight for me?
And hey
Could you face the crowd?
Could you be seen with me
And still act proud?
Hey, would you hold my hand
And could you carry me
Through no man's land?
It's fine if you don't agree
But I would fight for you
If you would fight for me
Let them drive us
Underground
I don't care how far
[all vocalizing]
You can set my broken bones
And I know CPR
Well, whoa
[crowd laughs]
You can punch real good
You've lasted longer
Than I thought you would
So hey, Mr. No-Name-Kid
If some night you're free
[all vocalizing]
Wanna fight for me?
[all] Holy shit
[Veronica]
If you're still alive
[all] Holy shit
I would fight for you
[all] Holy shit
Holy shit
If you would fight for me
[all] Holy shit
Holy shit
[all] Holy shit
Holy shit
[cheering and applauding]
[Ram and Kurt grunt]
[Kurt] Oh, man, that sucked!
[Ram]
Those were some cheap shots.
Ah! I'm missing a ball!
No, you're not.
No, no, seriously.
I think he kicked it up
my butt or something.
It's probably just impacted.
Plug your nose and push.
Okay.
[gasps]
Oh, there it is.
See, told you.
[crowd laughs]
[whimsical music playing]
Your mouth
was hanging wide open.
No, it wasn't.
I mean, seriously,
Veronica, drool much?
It was nothing like that.
Come on, admit it.
You like the new kid.
I don't even know his name.
You were totally throwing
your panties at him.
[laughs]
[gasps]
[crowd laughs]
I am talking to my friend.
Sorry, Heather.
[crowd laughs]
Oh, mom, dad, look out.
Oh.
Ah. Here you go, girls.
Care for some pate?
This isn't pate.
It's liverwurst.
I'm aware of that, Heather.
It's a family joke.
[laughs]
[Veronica laughs]
Oh, funny.
[Veronica's dad grunts]
Doggone it.
Will somebody please tell me
why I read these spy novels?
'Cause you're an idiot, dad.
Oh, yeah. That's it.
[laughter]
You two.
So, girls,
any plans for tonight?
Yeah, big homecoming party
at Ram Sweeney's house.
I'm catching a ride
with Heather.
Speaking of which.
Right.
Great pate, mom.
But we better motor if we want
to be ready for that party.
[gasps] Oops.
Clean that right now.
Do I look like the maid?
Veronica, your mom is hilarious.
I forbid you to go anywhere
with that girl.
Mom--
Well, she has no respect
for anything.
I know what she is.
What they all are,
but they will get me safely
through high school.
I'm not going to change,
I promise.
So, can I go?
Go.
Thanks.
What the hell goes on
at that school?
[giggles] I do not wanna know.
[upbeat music playing]
So step into my candy store!
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy store!
[cheering and applauding]
[bell jingles]
[car horn honking]
[Heather C] Veronica!
Don't forget to buy corn nuts!
It's not a party
without corn nuts!
Yes, Heather, plain or BQ?
[Heather C] BQ!
[crowd laughs]
Greetings and salutations.
You want a Slurpee with that?
No.
But if you're nice,
I'll let you buy me a Big Gulp.
That's like going to Micky D's
to order a salad.
Slurpee's the signature dish
of the house.
Now, did you say cherry or lime?
No, I said Big Gulp.
I'm Veronica, by the way.
Veronica Sawyer.
You ever gonna tell me
your name?
I'll end the suspense.
Jason Dean, JD for short.
So, JD.
That thing you pulled
at the caf' was pretty severe.
The extreme always seems to make
an impression.
What brings a Baudelaire-quoting
badass like you
to Sherwood, Ohio?
My dad's work.
He owns
a deconstruction company.
Deconstruction?
Yup, the old man seems to enjoy
tearing things down.
You seen the commercial?
"I'm Big Bud Dean.
If it's in the way,
I'll make your day."
Yeah, then he pushes the plunger
and the screen blows up.
[giggles]
Oh, that's your dad?
[crowd laughs]
In all his toxic glory.
Well, everybody's lives
got static.
[car horn honking]
[Heather C] Veronica!
Example,
I don't really like my friends.
I don't like your friends
either.
Hey, bag the party, hang here.
At the 7-Eleven?
Swanky first date.
Hey! I love this place.
No offense, but why?
I've been through
Ten high schools
They start to get blurry
No point in planting roots
'Cause you're gone in a hurry
My dad keeps two suitcases
Packed in the den
So it's only a matter
Of when
I don't learn the names
Don't bother with faces
All I can trust
Is this concrete oasis
Seems every time
I'm about to despair
There's a 7-Eleven
Right there
Each store is the same
From Las Vegas to Boston
Linoleum aisles that I love
To get lost in
I pray at my altar of slush
Yeah, I live
For that sweet frozen rush
[slurping noise]
[grunts]
Freeze your brain
Suck on that straw
Get lost in the pain
Happiness comes
When everything numbs
Who needs cocaine?
Freeze your brain
Freeze your brain
Care for a hit?
Does your mommy know
you eat all that crap?
Not anymore.
When mom was alive
We lived halfway normal
But now it's just me
And my dad, we're less formal
I learned to cook pasta
I learned to pay rent
Learned the world
Doesn't owe you a cent
You're planning your future
Veronica Sawyer
You'll go to some college
And marry a lawyer
But the sky's gonna hurt
When it falls
So you better start
Building some walls
Freeze your brain
Swim in the ice
Get lost in the pain
Shut your eyes tight
Till you vanish from sight
Let nothing remain
Freeze your brain
Shatter your skull
Fight pain with more pain
Forget who you are
Unburden your load
Forget in six weeks
You'll be back on the road
When the voice in your head
Says you're better off dead
Don't open a vein!
Just freeze your brain
Freeze your brain
Go on and freeze your brain
Try it.
[cheering and applauding]
[slurping noises]
[crowd laughs]
I really don't see
what the big deal--
son of a bitch?
[bells jingle]
Veronica!
Uh, I have to go.
So I see.
Corn nuts?
Uh, sorry, Heather.
Don't you have a Marcy concert
to get to?
Come on, Veronica!
[JD humming]
[grunting]
Okay, Ram. Have fun tonight,
but I expect you to act
your age.
The Hendersons' have
the phone number for the cabin.
If they call to complain,
I'm going to drive back here
and knock the sand
out of your diaper.
Dude, what am I, five?
I'm your dad, not your dude.
That goes double for you, Kurt.
You're a guest in Bill's house
and you will treat it
with respect.
Sure thing...
dude!
[both laugh]
[Ram] All right, Kurt.
Hold his arms.
Okay. Come here you.
No! No, no, no!
Come here.
Not me!
Now, who's a great big sissy?
Who's going to prom
in a bright pink dress?
Me! Me! I'm a sissy.
Who's a sissy?
I am a big fat sissy!
Darn right!
Enjoy your party, son!
Punch it in!
[grunts] Boo!
[girly screams]
[both laugh]
[Mr. Dean] Oh, boy! Oh!
Man, that sucked!
Who cares?
The parents are gone
and I got my party slippers on!
[both] All right!
[all vocalizing]
Dad said, "Act your age"
You heard the man
It's time to rage!
[all] Blast the bass
Turn down the light
Ain't nobody home tonight!
[Ram]
Drink, smoke, it's all cool
Let's get naked in my pool!
[all] Punch the wall
And start a fight!
Ain't nobody home tonight!
His folks got a waterbed
Come upstairs
And rest your head
Let's rub each other's backs
While watching porn
On Cinemax!
[all] The folks are gone
It's time for big fun!
Big fun! We're up till dawn
Having some big fun!
Big fun!
When mom and dad forget
To lock the liquor cabinet
It's big fun, big fun!
Big fun!
Whoa!
So it's salt,
then shot, then lime.
Very important
to get the order right.
Ah, you're a natural,
just like my mom.
[crowd laughs]
Veronica,
looking good tonight.
Whoa.
A hot guy smiled at me
Without a trace of mockery!
[all] Brainiac
Please up all night
Veronica is home tonight!
Freaked, tweaked
Head's a blur
How did I get so popular?
[all] Don't get close
You might ignite
Veronica is home tonight!
Dreams are coming true
When people laugh
But not at you!
I'm not alone!
I'm not afraid!
I feel like Bono
At Live Aid!
[all] Ah!
The house is ours
It's time for big fun!
Big fun!
Let's use their showers
That sounds like big fun!
Big fun!
Crack open one more case!
I think that's what they call
Third base
[all] Big fun! Big fun!
Big fun!
I'm actually having big fun!
[all] Big fun! Big fun!
Big fun! Whoa!
Yo, Rottweilers!
What is Westerberg gonna do to
the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?
Gonna make you go whee!
Whee! Whee! Whee!
[all] Ah! The party is
Hot, hot, hot!
It's time for big fun!
Big fun!
You need another shot.
[all] We're having big fun!
Whoa!
[all] Big fun!
Martha Dumptruck
In the flesh
Here comes the Cootie Squad
We should--
Shut up, Heather!
Sorry, Heather
Look who's with her
Oh, my God!
Dang! Dang!
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang-dang!
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
I can't believe
you actually came.
It's exciting, right?
Excuse me,
I want to say hello to Ram.
I brought sparkling cider.
Showing up here
Took some guts
Time to rip them out
Well, who's this pig
Remind you of?
Especially the snout
Hah!
Dang, dang!
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang, dang!
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Hi, Ram. I wasn't gonna come,
but since you took the trouble
to write that sweet note.
What note?
Why do you gotta be so weird
all the time?
People wouldn't hate you so much
if you just acted normal.
There's no alcohol in this!
Were you trying to poison me?
[all] Dang, dang!
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang, dang
Diggety-dang-a-dang
Dang, dang
Diggety-dang-a-dang
Diggety-dang-a-dang
The folks are gone
It's time for big fun
Big fun
We're up till dawn
Having some big fun
Big fun
So let the speakers blow
They'll buy another stereo
Our folks got no clue
'Bout half the shit
Their Children do
Why are they surprised
Whenever we're unsupervised?
It's big fun
Big fun
Big fun
Big fun
Big fun
Whoa!
[cheers and applause]
Okay, Westerburgers.
It's time to celebrate
our upcoming victory
over the Razorbacks
by whacking apart their mascot.
[all cheering]
All right!
We need a volunteer to take
the first swing at the piata.
[crowd chatters]
Martha Dunnstock.
I think you should do
the honors.
I don't really know this game.
Well, let's show this girl
some Westerburg spirit!
Wohoo!
[all cheering]
Martha!
[all] Martha! Martha! Martha!
Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha!
Martha! Martha! Martha! Martha!
Bring out the piata!
Whoa!
[bell rings]
[all cheering]
What's your damage, Heather?
Give it to me.
[indistinct] gotta get them all.
You want it, swim for it.
[suspenseful music playing]
What's going on?
Go home. I'll explain later.
But--
Go.
Well, we gave it a shot, huh?
I'm resigning my commission
from the lip gloss Gestapo.
I'm going back to civilian life.
No!
Don't spin me!
I'm not feeling well!
You don't get to be a nobody!
Come Monday,
you're an ex-somebody!
Not even the losers
will touch you now!
Transfer to Washington,
transfer to Jefferson.
No one at Westerburg's
gonna let you play
their reindeer games!
[pukes]
[screams]
[crowd laughs]
I raised you up from nothing!
And what's my thanks?
I get paid in puke!
Lick it up, baby.
Lick... it... up.
[cheering and applauding]
I know who
I'm eating lunch with on Monday.
Do you?
Okay, party people!
Where's the goddamn keg?
[cheering]
[upbeat music playing]
[dramatic music playing]
The demon queen
Of high school has decreed it
She says Monday, 8:00 a.m.
I'll be deleted
They'll hunt me down
In study hall
Stuff and mount me
On the wall, 30 hours to live
How shall I spend them?
I don't have to stay
And die like cattle
I could change my name
And ride up to Seattle
But I don't own a motorbike
Wait.
Here's an option that I like
Spend these 30 hours
Gettin' freaky
Yeah, I need it hard
I'm a dead girl walkin'
I'm in your yard
I'm a dead girl walkin'
Before they punch my clock
I'm snappin' off
Your window lock
Got no time to knock
I'm a dead girl walking
Veronica?
What are you doing in my room?
Shh.
I had to see you
I hope I didn't wake you
See, I decided
I must ride you
Till I break you
'Cause Heather says
I got to go
You're my last meal
On death row
Shut your mouth
And lose them tighty-whities
Come on!
Tonight I'm yours!
I'm your dead girl walkin'
Get on all fours
Kiss this dead girl walkin'
Let's go, you know the drill
I'm hot and pissed
And on the pill
Bow down to the will
Of a dead girl walking
And you know
You know, you know
It's 'cause you're beautiful
You say you're numb inside
But I can't agree
So the world's unfair
Keep it locked out there
In here it's beautiful
Let's make this beautiful
That works for me.
[cheering and applauding]
Yeah
Full steam ahead
Take this dead girl walkin'
How'd you find my address?
Let's break the bed
Rock this dead girl walkin'
I think you tore
My mattress
No sleep tonight for you
Better chug
That Mountain Dew
Okay, okay!
Get your ass in gear
Make this whole town
Disappear
Okay, okay
Slap me, pull my hair
Touch me there
And there and there
And no more talkin'
Whoa-oh-oh-oh
Love this dead girl walkin'
Oh, oh, hey, hey, yeah, yeah,
Love this dead girl
Oh, hey, hey, wait, wait
Love this dead girl
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Ow!
Yeah!
[cheers and applause]
Hello, slut!
How did you get in here?
I'm like oxygen.
I'm everywhere.
I mean, seriously, Veronica?
You slept with that?
I will crucify you on Monday.
Everyone's gonna know
the good, little Veronica Sawyer
is nothing but a dirty whore!
Why are you so determined
to hurt me?
[laughing]
Because I can!
It'll be so very!
[all] Very, very, very
Very, very, very, very, very
[Veronica screams]
Are you okay?
You're soaking wet.
It was just a dream.
What's the rush?
I have to get
to Heather's house.
Why? You said you were done
with Heather?
[Veronica] Yeah.
Well, that was a sweet fantasy,
a world without Heather.
A world where everybody's free.
Now, it's morning and I got
to go kiss her aerobicized ass.
Oh, yeah?
Well, why don't you let me
come with?
Really?
Yeah.
You know... for back up.
[chuckles]
Okay, then.
By the way...
you were my first.
[dramatic music playing]
Heather?!
Maybe she's not here.
Trust me.
She skips the Sunday
morning trip to grandma's
even when she's not hangover.
Heather?!
Heather?!
What?!
It's Veronica!
I'm here to apologize!
Hope you brought
kneepads, bitch!
Fix me a Prairie Oyster
and I'll think about it.
[eggshell cracks]
Don't forget the worcestershire.
Oh.
You know your hangover cures.
My dad thought me
all kinds of stuff.
[chuckles]
Hey.
Here's my revenge.
I'm going to drop a phlegm
globber in her Prairie Oyster.
[chuckles]
She'll never know.
[makes sound]
I'm more of a no-rust-buildup
man myself.
Oh, don't be a dick.
That stuff would kill her.
Thus, ending her hangover.
I say, we go with big blue.
Hey, what are you doing?
You can't just...
Besides, she would never drink
anything that looks like that.
Well, ceramic mug, dim light,
she won't know
what she's drinking.
[Veronica] Forget it.
Oh...
chicken.
Bawk, bawk,
bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.
You're not funny.
Bawk.
All right. I'm sorry.
[Heather C] Prairie Oyster!
Chop, chop!
[JD] Veronica, you, uh...
I what?
Good luck.
Good morning, Heather.
Ahh,
Veronica...
and Jesse James.
[speaks French]
Quelle surprise.
Let's get to it.
Beg.
We both said things
we didn't mean last night.
I actually prefer
if you did this on your knees
in front of your boy toy.
Okay. Look, I am really sorry.
Do I look like I'm kidding?
Down.
Nice.
But you're still dead to me.
[suspenseful music playing]
Corn...
nuts.
[speaks French]
Quelle surprise...
[in English] indeed.
Well, don't just stand there.
Call 911!
[JD] A little late for that.
Heather.
Heather. Heather. Oh.
Oh, my--oh, my God,
I just killed my best friend!
Oh, and your worst enemy so...
Same difference.
The police are gonna think
I did this on purpose.
They're gonna have to send
my SAT scores to San Quentin.
Unless, look,
she was reading The Bell Jar.
-Oh, no.
-Oh, yes.
You can fake her handwriting.
It will make her sound deep,
like this...
I had pain in my path
Like Silvia Plath
My problems were myriad
I was having my period
[laughs]
Oh, my God.
You know, this isn't funny.
You could go to jail.
Get your head straight now.
Heather would never use
the word myriad.
She missed it in her vocab quiz.
So, it's a badge
for her failures at school.
Work with me.
Okay.
Okay. What would she say?
What is her final statement
to a cold, uncaring planet?
Dear World
Believe it or not
I knew about fear
I knew the way
Loneliness stung
I hid behind smiles
And crazy hot clothes
I learned to kiss boys
With my tongue
That's good.
But, oh
The world, it held me down
It weighed like a concrete
Prom queen crown
No one thinks
A pretty girl has feelings
No one gets her insecurity
I am more than shoulder pads
And makeup
No one sees
The me inside of me
Jesus, you're making me sound
like Air Supply.
Hey, keep going.
This has to be good enough
to fool the cops.
Is it murder?
No, look.
There's a suicide note.
[all] They couldn't see past
My rock star mystique
They wouldn't dare
Look in my eyes
But just underneath
Was a terrified girl
Who clings to her pillow
And cries
My looks were just like
Prison bars
They've left me
A myriad of scars
Myriad. Nice.
[all] No one thinks
A pretty girl has substance
That's the curse
Of popularity
[backup singers]
Popularity
I am more than just
A source of hand jobs
[all] No one sees
The me inside of me
[Coach Ripper]
Yeah, I'm telling you,
Principal Gowan.
Heather Chandler is not
your everyday suicide.
You should cancel classes.
No way, Coach.
I send the kids home
before lunch
and the switchboard will
light up like a Christmas tree.
Our children are dying.
What the school needs is a good
old-fashion rap session.
I suggest we get everyone
into the cafeteria
and just talk and feel together.
Thank you, Ms. Fleming.
Call me when the shuttle lands.
[laughter]
Go ahead, laugh at the hippie.
But we all misjudged
Heather Chandler.
Myself included.
I mean, have you read
this suicide note,
really read it?
Box up my clothing
For Goodwill
Let's give the poor
A helping hand
Donate my necklaces
And rings
To starving children
Needing set
Send them my hats and my CDs
My pumps
My flats, my three TVs!
[all] No one thinks
A pretty girl has feelings
But I weep for all
I failed to be
I failed to be
Maybe I can help the world
By leaving
Maybe that's the me
Inside of me
Ugh, hell.
Long weekend for everybody!
[cheering]
Not too fast, kids.
While they're refueling
the buses,
which gives us
a solid half hour of healing.
I want you all to study
this suicide note,
so you can really
feel Heather's anguish.
Her world seem
Like a perfect place
[Ms. Fleming] Go on.
But friends and toys
Had no effects
[Ms. Fleming] Feel!
That's why she punched me
In the face
[Ms. Fleming] Heal!
[all] Because she was
Desperate to connect
[Veronica] [makes sound]
Veronica,
something on your mind?
I'm sorry. It's just
this classroom discussion
is stirring up emotions
I haven't felt
since hands across America.
My God.
Look what we've done
We're breaking through
Heather would be
So proud of you!
[All] And you! And you!
And you! And you!
No one thinks
A pretty girl can touch you
Heather touching me...
Heather touching me...
[All] But she's made us
Better than we were
Heather's dead
But she will live inside me
And I'll be the me
Inside of her
Holy crap!
This is awesome!
[All] Heather cried, our sins
Fell on her shoulders!
Jesus Christ!
[All] Heather died
So we could all be free!
I'm bigger than John Lennon!
[All] Heather's gone
But she will live forever!
She's the dove
That sings outside my window
She's the twin
From whom I'm separated
She's the horse
I never got for Christmas
[All] Heather sees the me
Inside of me
Heather is the me
Inside of me
Inside of...
Me!
[cheers and applause]
As anyone who saw
the Breakfast Club can tell you,
all teenagers
are essentially the same.
Heather was not alone
in feeling alone.
We have to identify the other
ticking bombs out there.
Identify and...
heal them.
But I gave Heather
a C-minus last week.
And now, I lie awake
at night wondering...
God, turn it off.
...if not, was what
pushed her over the edge?
[Veronica] Ugh, what crap.
Shows like this
make suicide look cool.
Hey, kids,
make your teacher cry,
get the respect
you didn't get in life.
It's gross.
Do you think Heather's mother
keeps everything
in her room the same,
like, she's alive.
Well, rugs gonna need
to get cleaning.
[laughter]
Why?
Well, I feel bad.
Heather was a human-being
and we killed her.
You feel bad, too, right?
Of course.
Hey, you wanna get some ice
cream? Let's go hit Dairy Queen.
What's wrong?
[Mr. Dean] Jason!
We need to leave now.
What is going on?
[Mr. Dean] Jason, are you here?!
That's my dad.
Oh, cool, I wanna meet him.
Not a good idea.
[Mr. Dean] Jason, come on.
It's show time.
Oh, Mr. Dean, hello.
Veronica, this is my dad,
Big Bud Dean--
Get rid of her. Some friends
of ours need a hotel broke down.
Now, run over to Sears,
get 80 pounds of fertilizer
and some diesel fuel.
Uh, use the Nevada ID.
I'm going for ice cream,
with my girlfriend.
[scoffs]
You know how I blew up one of
these shit box suburban houses?
Packed the top floor
with thermals,
set it all off with a Norwegian
in the boiler room.
Where is your house, sweetheart?
Right.
Well, I should go.
My mom is cooking dinner.
Spaghetti with lots of oregano.
Nice.
Last time I saw my mom,
she was waving at me
out the window
of a library in Texas.
Right, dad?
Right, son.
Okay. Well, see you tomorrow.
Dear, Diary.
JD's dad will not be speaking
at our wedding.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Veronica?
It's Heather Mc.
I need help.
I'm out at Layman's Farm.
What's wrong?
Just hurry, please.
It's an emergency.
Is she coming?
She said she was,
but I kind of feel bad
for dragging
her all the way out here.
Nobody cares
about your feelings.
Oh, this mud
is gonna ruin my shoes.
Hmm, I'm not sure it's mud.
Shit!
Exactly.
[Veronica] What are you two
doing in the middle
of a cow pasture?
We're stranded.
We were headed
to the cemetery to pour
a jug of Thunderbird
on Heather's grave.
You know, from her homies.
But Kurt and Ram saw cows
and stopped the car.
Why? There's nothing
out here, but cows.
[Kurt] Get ready to push!
Put your back into it!
[Ram] At the count of three!
What are they doing?
Cow tipping.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
[cow mooing]
[cow thuds]
So immature.
Come on.
I'll drive you guys home.
Oh, that's not
why we called you. [chuckles]
We made a deal with the guys.
A deal?
What kind of a deal?
If we got you to show up here,
Kurt promised
to give us his keys,
so Heather and I could go home.
Show up for...
what exactly?
Come on.
I've seen you looking at Kurt.
[chuckles] What?
You think he's cute, right?
No.
And Ram also very cute?
No.
[Kurt] The cows
are down for the cows.
[Ram] And the chicks
are up for grabs.
-[Kurt] Yow!
-Veronica's here,
so we're leaving.
Car keys now.
[Kurt] All right.
[Heather Mc] Have fun.
Don't do anything
we wouldn't do.
[Ram] Bye.
[Kurt] Oh, look, more keys.
No, no, no, no, no. Come on.
Give me my keys.
No. Stop screwing around.
I have to get home.
You can't just leave.
Not when you're dressed
like that.
Dressed like what?
This is what I always wear.
I know. And it's torture.
How do you expect us to control
ourselves when you look so hot?
Dear Diary
Here we are in the dark
Fifty yards from my car
I could climb that tree
I never get that far
They're a hundred pounds
Heavier
They have my keys
I'm a rat in a trap
Correction, I'm the cheese
Hey there, girl
Ignore this fool
He tries to play cool
While he's dribbling drool
Just trying to say
In our friendly way
That you've gotten hotter
Like every day
Ha!
Hey there, girl
Avoid this punk
He's hungry for a hunk
Of the junk in your trunk
There is no lie
That dog won't try
When a tasty treat
Like you walks by
[both] 'Cause once
You were geeky and nerdy
Now, you're flirty
Freaky, and dirty
You were nothing and nobody
[both] But now you're good
Enough to get with me
Huh, you're welcome
Look where you are
You're welcome
You've won the football star
You're welcome
Baby, what's that smell?
That's the smell of me
Loving you well
[both] You're welcome
[mimics beatboxing]
Yeah
This is not a drill
This is not a bad dream
In a cow pasture
No one can hear you scream
Never break their stare
Stay awake, stay aware
You're not in real danger
'Till they grab your hair
Come back, girl
Now, don't play hurt
If you don't want me staring
Why you're wearing that skirt?
We can't be tamed
And we can't be blamed
It's all your fault
That we're inflamed
[both] Because once
You were grody and grotty
Now, you got a body
Like a Maserati
[both] Stroke my fur
Make me purr
Hey, you wanted
To be popular!
Hit me!
Huh.
[both] You're welcome
Look where you are
You're welcome
Come get your football star
You're welcome
Come and join the pros
Because once we squeeze you
You'll stay squoze
You're welcome in my lap
Welcome on my knee
Well, come on and get grabby
In the grass with me
I got one last chance
To save my ass
What was that move
From my self-defense class?
I'll steal your heart
Like a thief
Bring you sweet relief
[both] Call me Wendy
'Cause you'll never wonder
"Where is the beef?"
They're a powder keg
So don't yell or beg
Stay friendly, then gently
Accidentally sweep the leg
Whoa, what the hell?
Dude, this mud stinks.
Oh, gross.
You're welcome
Back up fool, you reek.
You're welcome
Well, you smell
like a sewage leak.
You're welcome
Wait, dude
I'm pretty sure
This ain't mud!
It's cow manure!
It's cow manure!
[Veronica] You're welcome
[both] No, it's everywhere.
[Veronica] You're welcome
Oh, God, it's in my head.
Oh, God, it's in my head.
You're welcome
[both] Hey, girl
Now, let's not dwell
I'mma smell
[both] You can tell
I can still be loving you well
Swell!
No, I'll be loving you well
See you in hell!
No, I'll be loving you well
No, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be
I'll be loving
Loving, loving, loving
Loving you well
[all] You're welcome
You're welcome
You're welcome
[cheers and applause]
[jazz music playing]
Dear Diary,
that was a close call.
My so-called friends
avoided date rape
by volunteering me
for date rape.
That sort of assholery never
happened when I was in charge.
Oh... you.
I kept Ram and Kurt
on a tight leash.
Look, I'm sorry you're dead now,
but let's not rewrite history.
You were a thug.
Maybe.
But I made the trains
run on time,
everyone knew their place,
the year book got done properly,
the prom
was consistently awesome,
and the spirit float always
won a goddamn blue ribbon.
Once you've scarfed down
a hot ball of chaos,
you'll look back on my regime
as look at old days.
What are those
two pillowcases doing?
[Veronica] It looks like they're
clearing out your locker.
Hey, that's Heather's scrunchie.
Heather Chandler is gone.
It's up to me to take her place.
[laughs]
Is that a joke?
It is most definitely a joke.
Why would you say that, Heather?
[Heather C] See? Chaos.
Heather was our friend.
We can't just swap her
out like a light bulb.
It's because I'm not a
cheerleader like you, isn't it?
You think you're better than me.
What?
No. [laughs]
Shut up, Heather.
No, Heather! You shut up!
[upbeat music playing]
I have a new favorite color
Heather choked
Bought the farm
She could not hack it
Now, we need a strong arm
To run this racket
Heather's out
Who will rise?
Gotta fill that vacuum
It's my turn, it's my prize
I spit lightning
Crack, boom!
I bit my tongue so long
I learned to count to ten
My silence may be strong
I did my time and then
A house dropped on her head
[all] The witch is dead
Ding dong!
Move, bitch, it's my song
[all] I will never
Shut up again
I will never shut up again
Brand new day
Watching dreams come true
Well for me, not you
[all] 'Cause I'll never
Shut up again
Girls like me
Don't climb high
Can't crack that ceiling
But now I scrape the sky
It's you who's kneeling
Heather's pet
You're old news
Look at you, you're busted
You think
You'll fill her shoes
Too late, I just did
[all] Now, I don't need
To brag
Once I was one of you
But now I am the flag
You pledge allegiance to
I am the dream you chase
I'm your amazing grace
Yo, party's at my place
[all] I will never
Shut up again
I will never shut up again
Brand new day
Now we're finally free
Free to worship me
[all] 'Cause
I'll never shut up--
Shut up, don't judge me
Little Ms. Innocence
Your hands ain't clean
I see your fingerprints
You act so uptight
So virgin white
But I heard from the boys
What you are up
To last night
Veronica is my wet dream
Veronica likes to scream
Veronica took one
For the team
She took two for the team
What?!
That girl was on her back
That girl was big fun
[all] Big fun
[both] We smoked her crack
That crack was big fun
[all] Big fun
And that's when things
Went South
We had a swordfight
In her mouth
[all] Whoa! Dang diggity
Dang-a-dang freak!
Dang diggity dang-a-dang
Slut!
Dang diggity dang-a-dang
Swordfight in her mouth, ha!
I will never shut up again
Swordfight in her mouth
I will never shut up again!
Swordfight in her mouth
I'm on fire
And you're my fuel
You should find a new school
[all ] 'Cause I'll never
Shut up again
Yeah, yeah, oh, oh
[all] Never shut up again
No, no, no, no!
Never shut up again
No, no, no, no, no
All hail the queen
I'll wear the red
The scrunchie's on my head
You can't run
You can't hide
I am a crimson tide
You better mind what you do
Big sister's watching you
Can I get an amen?
Because I will never
Shut up again
[all] Hah!
[cheers and applause]
[indistinct chattering]
[JD] Veronica? What's wrong?
What happened?
Oh, she cried
just like that last night,
when she saw how big I was.
[indistinct chattering]
[whistle blowing]
Back to class!
All of you, back to class!
Are you okay?
[groans] Sort of.
What about you?
No, I'm fine.
Listen...
sorry about the waterworks.
They made you cry
But that will end tonight
You are the only thing
That's right
About this broken world
Go on and cry
But when the morning comes
We'll burn it down
And then, we'll build
The world again
Our love is God
Are you okay?
I was alone
I was a frozen lake
But then you melted me awake
See, now I'm crying, too
You're not alone
You're not alone
And when the morning comes
When the morning comes
We'll burn away that tear
And raise our city here
Raise our city here
Our love is God
[phone ringing]
Hello!
Kurt?
Veronica?
I'm sorry about the other night.
I just couldn't decide
which of you two hot gentleman
I wanted to be with.
And then,
I realized why decide at all?
Wait, what?
Meet me at the cemetery
at midnight.
Who?
Me or Ram?
Yes.
What does she want?
Us.
Hell, yeah, punch it in.
We can start and finish wars
We're what killed
The dinosaurs
We're the asteroid
That's overdue
The dinosaurs choked
On the dust
They died
Because God said they must
The new world needed room
For me and you
I worship you
I'd trade my life for yours
They all will disappear
We'll plant our garden here
Plant our garden here
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Whoa!
Are those real?
Yeah, but we're filling it
with Ich Lge bullets.
Ich Lge?
My granddad scored them
in World War II.
They contain
a powerful tranquilizer.
The Nazis used them
to fake their own suicides
when the Russians
invaded Berlin.
We'll use them to knock out
Ram and Kurt
long enough to make it look like
a suicide pact
complete with
a forged suicide note.
[both] "Ram and I died
because we had to hide
our gay forbidden love
from a disapproving world."
[cheers and applause]
[JD]
And when the morning comes
They'll both be
Laughing stocks
[both] So, let's go hunt
Some jocks!
[dramatic music playing]
Hi, Veronica.
So, do we just like
whip it out or what?
Take it slow, Ram.
Strip for me.
Oh, okay. Okay.
[audience wooing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Kurt] I got it.
[audience laughs]
You know, I like the tie.
Put the tie on.
Okay.
[audience laughing]
My mom bought it for me.
[audience laughing]
What about you?
Oh, I was hoping you'd rip
my clothes off me, sport.
[gasps]
Okay.
[audience wooing]
[both] Dude! Matching. Woo-hoo!
Nice.
Count of three.
One, two...
Three!
[gunshots]
[Kurt] Holy crap!
[JD] Don't move.
I'll get him back!
Ram? You're just unconscious,
right, Ram?
Ram.
[Kurt]
Look. Look, I was only joking
about calling your girlfriend
a whore!
Get off the damn fence!
I don't understand!
We can start and finish wars
We're what killed
The dinosaurs
We're the asteroid
That's overdue
Stop being a dick!
The dinosaurs will turn
To dust
What does that mean?
They'll die because
We say they must
[gunshot]
No, no, no. Wait.
What the fuck have you done?
I worship you
I'd trade my life for yours
We'll make them disappear
We'll plant our garden here
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God!
Our love is God
Our love is God!
Our love is God!
[cheers and applause]
[indistinct chatter]
[dramatic music playing]
[cheers and applause]
[dramatic music playing]
Dear Diary
I'm going steady
Mostly he's awesome
If a bit too rock and roll
Lately he's bumped off
Three of my classmates
God have mercy on my soul
They were just 17
They still had room to grow
They could've
Turned out good
But now we'll never know
[JD] There's been
a distinct lack of girls
climbing through
my bedroom window lately.
Take the hint.
Okay. You're mad, I get it.
No, I don't think you do.
Ich Lge bullets?
You lied to me.
Come on. You lied to yourself.
You wanted them dead, too.
I did not.
Did too.
Did not.
Did too.
Did not.
Did they make you cry?
Yes.
Can they make you cry now?
No, but you can.
Just wait 'till you see the good
that comes of this.
What good could possibly
come of this?
Call me an optimist.
[audience laughing]
[dramatic music playing]
Dear Diary,
my teenage angst bullshit
has a body count.
[audience laughing]
I don't really know what
I'm supposed to say up here.
I'm ashamed, certainly.
My family has turned our town
into a laughing stock.
My boy Kurt wasn't who
I thought he was.
When I think of the sick,
disgusting things Kurt and Ram
were doing--
You wait just a minute, Paul!
It is ignorant,
hateful talk like yours
that makes this world a place
our boys could not live in!
They were not dirty
They were not wrong!
They were two lonely verses
In the Lord's great song
Our boys were pansies, Bill!
Yes!
[audience laughing]
My boy's a homosexual
And that don't scare me none
I want the world to know
I love my dead gay son!
[cheers and applause]
Now, I've been thinking
And praying
And reading some magazines
And it's time
We open our eyes
Well, the good Lord
Made gay penguins
And the noble chimpanzees
I've seen gay lions show
Their pride in documentaries
If nature gets her orders
Handed down from God above
Then animal or human
You can't help
On who you love
[all] Love
They were not dirty!
[choir] No, oh
They were not fruits!
[all] Whoa, oh!
They were just two stray laces
In the Lord's big boots
Well, I never cared for homos
Much until I reared me one
[all] But now
I've learned to love
I love my dead gay son!
[all] He loves his son
He loves his son
His dead gay son!
Now, I say
My boy's in heaven
And he's tanning
By the pool!
The cherubim walk with him
And him
And Jesus says "It's cool!"
They don't have crime
Or hatred
There's no bigotry
Or cursing
Just friendly fellows
Dressed up
Like their favorite
Village person!
They were not dirty!
[all] No, no!
They just had flair!
[all] Whoa, oh!
They were two bright
Red ribbons
In the Lord's long hair!
Now, I used to see a homo
And go reaching for my gun
[all]
But now I've learned to love
And furthermore!
These boys walked
Hand-in-hand
These boys
They took a stand!
They could not wait
One second longer to be free
They test out their disguise
No shame, no compromise!
Paul, I can't believe that you
still refuse to get a clue
After all that
We've been through
I'm talking you and me!
[all gasps]
[audience laughing]
In the summer of '83.
[all gasps]
[audience laughing]
That...
was one hell of a fishing trip.
[dramatic music playing]
[all] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
They were not dirty, whoa!
And not perverse no, no!
They were just
Shiny rhinestones
On the Lord's big purse!
[both]
Our job is now continuing
The work that they began!
Come here you.
[all] 'Cause now we love
Love, love
We love your dead
[both] They're up there
Disco dancing
To the thump of angel wings
[all] Yeah!
[both] They grab a mate
And roller skate
While Judy Garland sings!
[all] Yeah!
[both] They live
A playful afterlife
That's fancy, free
And reckless!
They swing up
On the pearly gates
[all]
And wear a pearly necklace!
Woo!
[both] They were not dirty!
[all] No!
They were good men
[all] Whoa!
And now
They're happy bear cubs
In the Lord's big den!
[audience wooing]
[both] Go forth
And love each other now
Like our boys
Would have done
We'll teach the world
To love
[all] The world to love
The world to love
[both]
I love my dead gay son!
[all] Not half bad
Your dead gay son!
Wish I had
Your dead gay son!
Thank you, Dad
For your dead gay son!
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat music playing]
[audience laughing]
Woo.
Hmm. What is that
I smell in the air?
[audience laughing]
Is that-- is that tolerance?
Inclusion?
Love?
How often can you say
it's a good day
to live in Sherwood, Ohio?
You're welcome, town!
You don't have to be so smug
about it.
Well, your love keeps me humble.
So...
who's next?
[audience laughing]
Heather Duke?
What?
Well, she started that rumor
about you.
We can underline
some meaningful passages
in her copy of Moby Dick,
if you know what I mean.
No!
[whimpering]
Three people are dead.
This ends right here.
Or what?
Or I'm breaking up with you.
Well, any war has casualties.
Doesn't mean
it's not worth fighting.
What? You wanna get a free pass
to the cannibals?
To the assholes who make
this world so unbearable
you can't stand to go on living.
JD, I--
how did your mother die?
You really wanna know?
I do.
He says it was an accident.
But she knew what she was doing.
I was nine.
My dad got hired to blow up
this condemned library in Texas.
Norwegian in the boiler room,
the usual.
This day,
this day my mom drives out
to the demolition site
with me in the backseat.
She gets out of the car,
and walks in to the building
two minutes before my dad
blows it up.
She waves at me
from the window,
and then...
kaboom.
She left me.
I am really sorry.
It's okay.
It's okay.
The pain gives me clarity.
You know, you and I are special
and we have a lot of work to do.
No. What work?
Making the world a decent place
for people who are decent.
When does it end?
When every asshole is dead!
No!
Fine, we're damaged
Really damaged
But that does not
Make us wise
We're not special
We're not different
We don't choose
Who lives or dies
Let's be normal
See bad movies
Sneak a beer and watch TV
We'll bake brownies
Or go bowling
Don't you want
A life with me?
Can't we be 17?
That's all I want to do
If you could let me in
I could be good with you
People will hurt us
Or they vanish
And you're right
That really blows
But we let go
Take a deep breath
And go buy
Some summer clothes
We'll go camping
Play some poker
And we'll eat
Some chili fries
Maybe prom night?
Maybe dancing?
Don't stop looking
In my eyes
Your eyes
[both] Can't we be 17?
Is that so hard to do?
If you could let me in
I could be good with you
Let us be 17
If we've still got the right
So, what's it gonna be?
I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you
Wanna be with you
[both] Tonight
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, we're damaged
Badly damaged
[both] But your love's
Too good to lose
Hold me tighter
Even closer
I'll stay
If I'm what you choose
Can't we be 17?
If I am what you choose
If we've still got the right
'Cause you're the one
I choose
You're the one I choose
[both] You're the one
I choose
[cheers and applause]
And they lived
happily ever after.
You really believe all that?
You think it all just
goes back to normal?
Oh, don't give me
that wounded look.
You know exactly what he is,
and you love it!
Just stop talking.
Only a true dead best friend
will give it to you straight.
Veronica, the special assembly
starts in 10 minutes.
Why aren't you back stage?
I'm sorry.
We are saving lives here.
I wouldn't trust her
to save coupons.
Come on, kids.
Pedal to the metal.
Show a little hustle.
Where's the banner?
Denise!
Tell the news crews
they can set up the cameras,
there, there, and there.
Okay. Let's review
your hand choreography.
Precision is key.
I'm kinda looking forward
to being on TV.
Did you have a brain tumor
for breakfast?
No, I had oatmeal.
Veronica,
can I talk to you in private?
Something doesn't add up.
I think Ram and Kurt
were murdered.
Well, fuck me gently
with a chainsaw!
[cheers and applause]
Nancy Drew is onto you,
Veronica.
Why would you say that?
They found a suicide note!
It could have been faked.
I mean, you forged stuff
all the time, right?
I'm in love with this fat girl.
Who would wanna kill
Ram and Kurt?
I'm thinking your friend, JD.
Remember the way he went
after them in the lunchroom.
Right, right.
That's like motive and shit.
Veronica's going to lady prison.
I wanna look in JD's locker.
I thought, maybe, you could
get me the combination.
I bet there's all kinds
of interesting things
in that locker.
Maybe some Ich Lge bullets.
Martha,
this is a pretty wild theory.
I don't care what they said
at the funeral.
Ram was not gay.
Shut up, Kurt.
He kissed me, remember?
On the kickball field.
Yeah, in kindergarten.
Oh, gross, I remember that.
Shut up, Kurt.
My heart knows the truth.
You should totally get up
in that.
Shut up.
Why would Ram write me
that note if he didn't
still feel something.
She ain't afraid of no ghost.
Oh.
Why would he invite me
to his homecoming party?
You wanna stop her,
you know what to say.
I'm gonna confront JD.
[laughs]
You floor me, Martha.
You really do.
What do you mean?
Ram didn't write that note,
I did.
No.
Yeah.
The Heathers put me up to it.
The whole school
was in on the joke,
and nobody laughed harder
than Ram.
He didn't love you.
He was a dick.
He's dead. Move on.
Shit.
I had to hurt her.
You understand that, right?
If JD ever found her
snooping around his stuff,
he'd--
Kill her?
That what's you're afraid of?
Well, I--
Well, I.
That's what I thought.
Come on, assholes.
Oh, shit.
Dear diary,
what am I doing?
I'm sorry,
I can't be in this assembly.
What?
No. No. No, no, no.
You're my second soprano.
When you're not in position,
it will unbalance
the stage picture.
I'm having a bad day
emotionally.
Veronica said that--
Oh, you're sad.
I get that,
but remember how much
your support means
to your classmates
who worked hard
to get this
very important message
out to the world.
And if that doesn't put
a smile on your face,
remember how participation
in this assembly
counts the one-third
on your grade.
Feeling better?
Um--
Good talk.
Okay. Places. Microphone, Jason.
Thank you so much.
Okay, big smiles, everybody.
Lights, please.
Hello, Westerberg!
[cheers and applause]
Welcome.
Welcome to our special assembly.
Now, I want you to ignore
the television cameras
and the news crew.
They're just here to document
this very significant moment.
Whether to kill yourself or not,
is one of the most
important decisions
a teenager can make.
So, you know
what I'm gonna do, right now?
Kill yourself on stage?
[audience laughing]
That's not productive, Dwight.
My senior thesis at Berkeley...
[crowd cheering]
Whatever.
...was on the subject
of Pediatric Psychotherapeutic
Musicology.
[audience] Woo!
Hmm, I know.
So, I speak with some authority.
When I tell you that
the way to eliminate suicide
is by first eliminating fear
by creating a safe zone
in which we are all equal.
Deep inside of everyone
There's a hot ball of shame
Guilt, regret, anxiety
Fears we dare not name
But if we show the ugly parts
That we hide away
They turn out
To be beautiful
By the light of day
Why not
Shine, shine, Shine a light
On your deepest fear
Let in sunlight now
And your pain will disappear
Shine, shine, shine
[Ms. Fleming] And your scars
And your flaws
[all] Will look lovely
Because you shine
You shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Every day's a battlefield
When pride's on the line
I attack your weaknesses
And pray you don't see mine
But if I share my ugly parts
And you show me yours
Our love can knock
Our walls down
And unlock all our doors
Shine, shine, shine a light
On your deepest fears
Let it sunlight now
And your pain
Will disappear!
Who wants to share
what's in their heart?
No volunteers?
Fine, I'll start
My name's Pauline
I live alone
My husband left
My kids are grown
In the '60s, love was free
That did not work out
Well for me
The revolution came and went
Tried to change the world
Barely made a dent
I have struggled
With despair
I've joined a cult,
Chopped off my hair
I chant, I pray
But God's not there
So, Steve
I'm ending our affair
[cheers and applause]
Hello, Steve.
Oh, Steve,
my sweet, sweet, sweet Steve.
[laughter]
Would you stand up for me
so I can really see you?
[crowd cheering]
Everybody say, "Hello, Steve."
[crowd] Hello, Steve.
[Ms. Fleming] That's right.
This is a very free space.
Oh, honey, I wanna thank you
for all those magical times
we had.
But no, honey, I think it's time
we go our separate ways.
But I've got one last thing
I have to say to you.
You're gonna wanna sit down
for this, sweetie.
It's gonna get real.
Steve,
I... faked it.
[crowd cheering]
Yeah.
Every single time.
[crowd cheering]
Yeah.
Whoa, that felt
fan-freaking-tastic!
One, two, take me home, kids!
Shine, shine, shine a light
And your pain will disappear
Let in sunlight now
And your pain will disappear
Shine, shine, shine
And your scars
And your flaws
Will look lovely
Because you shine
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
You shine
You shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine, shine, shine a light
Shine a light, yeah!
[cheers and applause]
Woo! Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Um, come on, kids.
That worked with me.
I want you
to grab hold of your fear
and drag it out into the light
where everyone can look at it.
Anyone?
Anyone at all?
I thought about killing myself.
Heather McNamara?
Share that pain.
Heather, don't do this.
Not here. Let's go, Heather.
Talk to--
Veronica, just so you know,
no one gave you permission
to speak.
You're in a safe place, Heather.
It's just you and me
and the classmates who love you.
Share.
It's gonna be okay.
The guy I used to date...
killed himself
because he was gay
for his linebacker.
And my best friend seemed
to have it all together but...
she's gone too.
Now, my stomach's hurting
worse and worse,
and every morning on the bus
I feel my heart beating louder
and faster and I'm like,
"Jesus,
I'm on the freaking bus again
because all my rides to school
are dead."
[crowd laughs]
[dramatic music playing]
I float in a boat
On a raging black ocean
Low in the water
And nowhere to go
The tiniest lifeboat
With people I know
Cold, clammy, and crowded
The people smell desperate
We'll sink any minute
So someone must go
The tiniest lifeboat
With people I know
Everyone's pushing
Everyone's fighting
Storms are approaching
There's nowhere to hide
If I say the wrong thing
Or I wear the wrong outfit
They'll throw me
Right over the side
I'm hugging my knees
And the captain is pointing
Well, who made her captain?
Still, the weakest must go
The tiniest lifeboat
Full of people I know
The tiniest lifeboat
Full of people I know
[cheers and applause]
What's your damage, Heather?
Are you saying
Westerburg is not a nice place?
Heather.
Where's your school spirit?
You don't deserve
to wear Westerburg colors.
Why don't you hop into
that little lifeboat of yours
and get your gnarly wave
over to Remington?
Heather, shut your cakehole.
All right, knock it off.
Come one people, settle down.
Oh, look Heather's gonna cry.
God, what a baby.
That's it. Young lady,
you are suspended.
Oh, turn the cameras off.
Turn them off, God damn it.
Is that all you care about?
TV cameras?
I care about saving lives.
Heather, you ruined
a valuable teaching--
Valuable?
None of us wanted the spectacle.
To be experimented on
like guinea pigs.
Patronized like bunny rabbits.
I don't patronize bunny rabbits.
This is their big secret.
The adults are powerless.
Heather trusted you.
You said you'd protect her.
They can't help us.
Nobody can help us.
You're useless.
We're alone in the ocean.
You're all idiots.
Heather Chandler was a monster
just like Kurt and Ram.
They didn't kill themselves.
I killed them.
[laughs]
[all laughing]
God, some people
will say anything
if they think
it'll make them popular.
You're worse than McNamara.
No, wait, Heather. No.
[laughter]
[rock music playing]
Oh, stupid child-proof caps.
Oh, look, Heather's going to--
Whine, whine, whine
All night
You don't deserve to live
Why not kill yourself?
Here, have a sedative
Whine, whine, whine
Like there's no Santa Claus
You're pathetic
Because you whine
You whine all night
Whine
Your ass is off the team
Deep down we've always known
Whine
You don't deserve the dream
Whine
You're gonna die alone
Die alone, die alone
Die alone, die alone
Heather, no.
Suicide is a private thing.
Throwing your life away
so USA Today
can print your picture
under the headline
"Troubled teens."
That is the least private thing
I can think of.
But what about Heather
and Kurt and Ram?
If everyone jumped off a bridge,
young lady, would you?
Probably.
Oh.
Well, if you were happy
all the time,
you wouldn't be a human being.
You'd be a game show host.
[dramatic music playing]
Thanks for coming after me.
You're welcome.
Come on.
Come on.
So I'm guessing you're mad, huh.
I'm not mad.
Confused.
You said, you wanted us
to be normal teenagers.
I did that.
I joined the God damn AV Club
for you.
I know.
You know
what would have happened
if they'd actually believed
your confession?
Handcuffs,
separate cells,
cops trying to turn us
against each other
right before they ship us off
to different prisons,
is that what you want?
Of course not.
Well, what then?
Everybody's cashing in
on these fake suicides,
making it about themselves.
It's a sick trend
and we started it.
Turning ourselves in
won't stop human nature.
Then what will?
Fleming's little Kumbaya party
almost ended with Heather Mac
dead on a bathroom floor.
Fleming is not the problem.
Heather Duke is.
She's the one
who made McNamara wanna die.
You wanna slay the dragon?
Cut off its head.
Stop.
But no. You'd rather treat
bubonic plague with Band-Aids.
We had the power
to change things,
but we gave that up
to be normal teenagers.
Good luck at school tomorrow,
Heather Mac.
Hope you don't die!
We are out if you get--
Look, if you wanna
keep it all up,
I'll let you slide in
a fraction, fine.
You, you made me a promise
and I believed you.
Do you even--
Don't act surprised.
You promised.
All right. I'm sorry.
Stop playing, grab ads.
Wait for me in the car.
I'm in the middle of something.
Yeah, I need backup.
Our friends
have another job for us.
Kaboom.
I said I'm busy!
Lot of pretty women
out there, sport.
I could make
another son any time I want.
Now, get in the car.
[Bud] Damn it, Jason.
No firearms in the house!
Well, it pissed off my dad.
It's funny.
None of this is funny.
Why are you carrying
a loaded weapon?
Protection.
From what?
Reruns?
We have got to stop pretending.
This is who I am.
If you don't like it,
take it up with him!
He made me!
Oh, Martha
was right about you.
Now let's have
a real conversation.
She was right.
And I broke her heart.
Let's talk about Heather Duke.
No.
Let's talk about you.
You are a drug
You are a poison pill
I've got to kick
This habit now
Or else I never will
I love the rush
When you would hold me close
But you will not
Be satisfied
Until I overdose
This is it
Hit the brake
I am finally awake
Let me be
Let me go
You need help
I can't provide
I am not qualified
This troubled teen
Is getting clean
I say no
Come on, Veronica, who else is--
No, no, no, no.
Don't say a word
You speak and I cave in
You'll twist the truth again
And drill deep down
Beneath my skin
You said you'd change
And I believed in you
But you're still using me
To justify the harm you do
This is it
Hit the brake
Call it all my mistake
Long as you let me go
You need help
I can't provide
I'm not Bonnie
You're not Clyde
It's not too late
I'm getting straight
I say no
Blame your childhood
Blame your dad
Blame the life you never had
But hurting people
That's your choice, my friend
'Cause I believe
That love will win
And hate will earn you
Nothing in the end
This is the end--
But I love you.
Dude.
This is it
I won't cry starting now
I will try to pay back
All the karma I owe
Start again, somewhere new
Far from cool guys like you
So goodbye 'cause now I
I say no
Just in time, I say no
Somehow I'm saying no
Just say no
I say no
No!
[cheers and applause]
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Girls ready for the big game
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Let's get psyched!
Hey, yo, Westerburg
Tell me what's that sound?
Here comes Westerburg
Comin' to put you
In the ground!
Go, go, Westerburg
Give a great big yell
Westerburg
Will knock you out
And send you
Straight to hell!
I now know thee,
thou clear spirit.
That's from Moby Dick.
I appreciate a well-read woman.
What's in the envelope?
Oh, shit.
And just a reminder that
at one time around age six,
I'm guessing,
you and Martha Dunnstock
were friends.
Where did you get these?
Did Veronica give them to you?
What do you want?
Money?
A favor.
[scoffs] No way.
Well, I love this one
of you and Martha
in the bathtub together.
These photos
are ancient history.
Nobody cares about the past.
Nobody cares
about Martha Dumptruck.
[dramatic music playing]
There was a boy
I met in kindergarten
He was sweet
He said that I was smart
He was good at sports
And people liked him
And at nap time
Once we shared a mat
I didn't sleep
I sat
And watched him breathing
Watched him dream
For nearly half an hour
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Then, he woke up
He pulled a scab off
One time playing kickball
Kissed me quick
Then pressed it in my hand
I took that scab
And put it in a locket
All year long
I wore it near my heart
He didn't care
If I was thin or pretty
And he was mine
Until we hit first grade
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Then, he woke up
Last night
I dreamed a horse with wings
Flew down into my homeroom
On its back there he sat
And he held out his arms
So we sailed above the gym
Across the faculty
Parking lot
My kindergarten boyfriend
And I
And a horse with wings
Now we're all grown up
And we know better
Now we recognize
The way things are
Certain boys
Are just for kindergarten
Certain girls
Are meant to be alone
But I believe
That any dream worth having
Is a dream
That should not have to end
So I'll build
A dream that I can live in
And this time
I'm never waking up
And we'll soar
Above the trees
Over cars and croquet lawns
Past the church and the lake
And the tri-county mall
We will fly through the dawn
To a new kindergarten
Where nap time
Is centuries long
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat music playing]
Martha wasn't in her room today.
Well, did you try
calling her house?
Yeah. It just goes straight
to her answering machine.
Where the hell could she be?
Hey, guys.
Missed you off at third period.
Oh, we were avoiding you
because you're
a terrible person.
Fine.
Skip the foreplay.
Sign this.
What is it?
It's a petition to have MTV
throw a spring break blowout
to help raise suicide awareness.
I got everybody to sign it.
People love me. [chuckles]
I'm gonna make
an inspirational speech about it
at the pep rally tonight.
Oh, count me out.
Don't pop a tampon, Veronica.
It was your boyfriend's idea.
Hmm, the plot thickens.
JD?
He made up the signature sheet
and everything.
Did you hurt your finger,
Veronica?
Because I noticed you still
haven't dialed the cops.
Look, I don't know
what JD is up to,
but if you know
what's good for you,
throw that clipboard away.
Not a chance.
This is very important work
we're doing.
I mean, now, Martha Dumptruck.
Where does it end?
What about Martha?
They haven't announced it yet.
But I hear last night,
she did a belly flop off
the Mill Creek Bridge
holding a suicide note.
Oh, my God.
I wonder what was upsetting her!
Is she alive?
Just some broken bones.
Yet another geek trying
to imitate the popular people
and failing miserably.
Yo, girl
Keep it together
I knew you would come far
Now you're truly a Heather
Smell how gangsta you are
Martha, I'm so sorry!
Yo, girl
Feel a bit punchy?
What's that
Fruit stone you sell?
Now, you've earned
That red scrunchie
Come join Heather in hell!
Where have you been?
Oh, we've been worried sick!
Your friend JD stopped by.
He told us everything.
Everything?
Your depression.
Your thoughts of suicide.
He even showed us
your copy of Moby Dick.
This is not my handwriting.
I've been on
the phone all morning.
He's one step ahead
of everybody.
There's a doctor in Cleveland.
Your parents, the police.
We'd like you to talk with him.
He's thought of everything,
Veronica.
What kind of doctor?
Psychiatric.
Leonard!
What?
Guess who's
Right down the block
You're being manipulated!
Guess who's
Climbing the stairs
There's no shame
in getting help.
Guess who's picking the lock
I am not the problem.
Time's up!
Go say your prayers!
Veronica's running on
Running on fumes now
Veronica's totally fried
Veronica's gotta be
Tripping on shrooms now
Thinking that she can hide
Veronica's done for
There's no doubt now
Notify next of kin!
Veronica's trying
To keep him out now
Too late! He got in!
Knock! Knock!
Sorry for coming in
through the window!
Dreadful etiquette, I know!
Get out of my house!
Hiding in the closet.
Come on, unlock the door.
I'll scream.
My parents will call the police.
All is forgiven, baby.
Come on and get dressed.
You're my date
to the pep rally tonight.
What? Why?
Our classmates thought
they were signing a petition.
You got to come out here
and see what they really signed.
You chucked me out
Like I was trash
For that you should be dead
But! But! But!
Then it hit me like a flash
What if high school
Went away instead?
Those assholes are the key!
They're keeping you
Away from me!
They made you blind
Messed up your mind
But I can set you free!
You left me and I fell apart
I punched the wall and cried
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Then I found you changed
My heart
And set loose all this
Truthful shit inside!
And so I built a bomb
Tonight our school
Is Vietnam
Let's guarantee they'll
Never see their senior prom!
I was meant to be yours
We were meant to be one
Don't give up on me now
Finish what we've begun
I was meant to be yours
So when the high school gym
Goes boom
With everyone inside
Pchw! Pchw! Pchw!
In the rubble of their tomb
We'll plant this note
Explaining why they died!
We, the students
Of Westerburg High will die
Our burnt bodies may
Finally get through to you
Your society churns
Out slaves and blanks
No thanks
Signed the Students
Of Westerburg High
Goodbye
We'll watch
The smoke poor out the doors
Bring marshmallows
We'll make s'mores!
We can smile and cuddle
While the fire roars!
I was meant to be yours
We were meant to be one
I can't make it alone
Finish what we've begun
You were meant to be mine
I am all that you need
You carved open my heart
Can't just leave me to bleed
Veronica, open the--
Open the door, please
Veronica, open the door
Veronica, can we not fight
Anymore, please?
Can we not fight anymore?
Veronica, sure, you're scared
I've been there
I can set you free!
Veronica, don't make me
Come in there!
I'm gonna count to three!
One! Two! Fuck it!
[vocalizing]
[JD] Veronica.
Oh, God.
No.
Please don't leave me alone
You were all I could trust
I can't do this alone
Still I will if I must!
[Mrs. Sawyer] Veronica,
I made you a snack.
Veronica. [screaming]
No, no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
It was just a joke. A joke.
It's not funny.
I love you, Mom.
[Mr. Sawyer] Huh?
What's with all the screaming?
[whimpering] It was Veronica.
I found her in the--
Veronica?
Where did she go? Veronica?
What? What?
I wanted someone strong
Who could protect me
I let his anger fester
And infect me
His solution is a lie
No one here deserves
To die except for me
And the monster I created
Yeah!
Heads up, JD
I'm a dead girl walking!
Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Can't hide from me
I'm a dead girl walkin'!
[all] Hey, yo, Westerburg!
And there's your final bell
[school bell rings]
It's one more dance
And then farewell
Cheek to cheek in hell
With a dead girl walkin'!
[vocalizing]
Yo, Rottweilers!
[vocalizing]
Here we go
Here we go now!
Veronica, Jason Dean told us
you just committed suicide!
No. He's wrong
about a lot of things.
Well, I threw together
a lovely tribute,
especially given
the short notice.
Ms. Fleming,
what's under the gym?
The boiler room.
That's it!
[Ms. Fleming]
Veronica, what's going on?
Got no time to talk
I'm a dead girl walkin'!
[all] Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Tell me what's that sound?
Here comes Westerburg
Comin' to put you
In the ground!
Go, go, Westerburg!
Give a great big yell!
Westerburg
Will knock you out
And send you
Straight to hell!
[suspenseful music playing]
[timebomb beeping]
A Norwegian
in the boiler room?
Just like your dad.
Huh?
And here I thought you'd lost
your taste for faking suicides.
Step away from the bomb.
What? This little thing?
I can hardly call that a bomb.
No. This is to trigger
the packs, the thermals
upstairs in the gym.
Now, those are bombs.
People will look at the ashes
of Westerburg and say,
"Now there is a school
that self-destructed not because
society didn't care, but
because that school was society.
You know the only
place at Heathers and Marthas
can truly get
along is in Heaven!
I wish your mom
Had been a little stronger
Don't talk about my mom!
I wish she stayed
Around a little longer
Stop!
I wish your dad were good!
And I wish
Grown-ups understood!
I wish we met before
They convinced your life
Is war!
I wish you'd come with me
I wish I had more TNT!
[grunts]
[all] Hey, yo, Westerburg!
Tell me what's that sound?
Here comes Westerburg
Comin' to put you
In the ground!
Go, go, Westerburg!
Give a great big yell!
Westerburg
Will knock you out
And send you straight to--
[gunshot]
[grunting]
[timebomb beeping]
Was it good for you?
[grunts]
Kind of sucked for me.
[dramatic music playing]
It's over, JD.
Which wire do I pull?
Which wire?
Everybody get out.
There's a bomb!
We got to evacuate.
Hello? [grunts]
Can anybody hear me?
I don't know
how much time we've got left.
Move the trigger bomb
far enough away.
It can set out
the thermals, right?
Right?
[dramatic music playing]
[Veronica grunting]
Dear Diary [grunting]
I still believe there's good
in everyone
[grunting] even the worst of us.
I believe we're all worth saving
and I guess
that's the belief
I'm willing to die for.
[grunting]
You'll never make it in time,
not on that ankle.
[whimpering] How much further?
You know,
the football field should do it.
Here, let me take it
the rest of the way.
No. It's a trick.
You flatter me. [grunting]
But no.
Look at me, I'm done for.
And I'm not gonna let you die
like my mom.
I am damaged.
But you're different.
You are the one
we ought to spare.
God knows
why you wanna save them...
but you beat me fair and square.
Please stand back now.
A little further.
Don't know
What this thing will do
Hope you'll miss me
Wish you kiss me
Then you'd know
I worship you
I'll trade my life for yours
Oh, my God
And once I disappear
[Veronica] Wait, hold on
Clean up all mess down here
Not this way
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God!
Say hi to God!
[explosion]
[students coughing]
Whoa, they're saying a gas
line exploded.
[panting]
Hey, where have you been?
Fleming told us
you've killed yourself.
You look like hell.
Yeah. Well, I just got back.
Hey, what are you doing?
Listen up, folks
War is over
Brand new sheriffs
Come to town
We are done with acting evil
We will lay our weapons down
We're all damaged
We're all frightened
We're all freaks
But that's all right
We'll endure it
We'll survive it
Martha
Are you free tonight?
[crowd laughing]
What?
My date for the pep rally
kind of blew... me off.
I was wondering if you weren't
doing anything tonight,
you might wanna pop
some Jiffy Pop,
rent some new releases,
something with a happy ending?
Are there any happy endings?
I can't promise
No more Heathers
High school may not ever end
Still, I miss you
I'd be honored
If you'd let me be your friend
My friend
We can be 17
We can learn how to chill
If no one loves me now
Someday somebody will
We can be 17
Help us to make things right
We want a better world
So why not start tonight!
Let's go be 17
Take off our shoes and dance
Act like we're all
Still kids
'Cause this could be
Our final chance!
Always be 17
Celebrate you and I
Maybe we won't grow old
And maybe
Then we'll never die
We'll make it beautiful
We'll make it beautiful
Beautiful! Beautiful!
Beautiful!
Beautiful! Beautiful!
Beautiful!
Beautiful! Beautiful!
Beautiful!
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat music playing]
Give it up
for the Heathers band.
[crowd cheering]
One, two, one, two, three, four.
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
We'll make it beautiful
We'll make it beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful!
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat music playing]