Hell of a Summer (2023) Movie Script
1
[neon sign buzzing]
[guitar strings being tuned]
[flies buzzing]
[guitar strings being tuned]
Wait.
[guitar strings being tuned]
[guitar strumming]
[zapping]
Ow, my hand!
Sorry. There was a bug on you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry. There was a bug.
Okay, so swat it with your hand.
- Okay, okay.
Those things hurt!
I'm sorry.
[guitar strumming]
[zapping]
Ow!
I'm sorry! [laughs]
There was another bug.
Just wipe it away
with your hand!
There's going to be bugs.
We're at the lake!
I think that they're attracted
to the tuning.
You don't think that this is
just where they are?
No, it's just that
your guitar playing,
it sounds like shit.
What do you want to hear?
Play Pineway.
It's too early for that,
I'm saving it.
- No, practice!
[guitar strums lightly]
Fine.
Thank you.
[guitar strumming]
[singing] Let's all go
to Pineway.
Good times at
Camp Pineway.
Through the trees,
and to the lake,
songs we sing, and
the friends we make.
Every morning that we...
[guitar strums]
Wake up,
Pineway is the best!
Yay!
We did it!
[laughing]
[zapping]
Ow! I thought you were
gonna kiss me.
[laughing]
I'm going to get more beers.
[guitar strumming]
[guitar strumming]
What happened to the music?
I zap your strumming
hand too hard?
[screaming]
Oh, my fucking God!
[screaming]
Okay.
[car engine roars]
[crickets chirping]
[squelching]
[thud]
[squelching]
Day After Day
by Badfinger
I remember finding
out about you
Every day, my mind
is all around you
Hey!
[song playing on radio]
Are you okay?
I was cold.
[song playing on radio]
Can't help but feel this is
about the internship.
Why? Do you want to do it?
- No.
Because it's not too late
for me to turn around.
Mom.
All you have to do is just call
up the firm and explain your --
Mom!
It's a legitimate career
opportunity.
So is this.
John and Kathy
specifically asked me
to come back this year.
Oh, give me a break.
This isn't anything.
You're 24 years old
and you're still going
to summer camp.
I'm working at camp.
It's a job.
$100 a week is hardly
employment.
Bumped me up to 115.
Bring it home, baby
Make it so
I give my love to you
Look at all my love
Welcome home.
[car horn honks]
I'm sorry I was harsh earlier.
It's just you got to start
thinking about your future.
I am thinking about my future.
I mean, I have my whole life
to be a lawyer, but...
How many summers does a guy
get to spend here, huh?
A lot, apparently.
Oh, shit.
The puka's not dumb, right?
What? No, I love the puka.
Puka's great.
Puka's good?
Yeah, puka's great.
Right.
I mean, if you're feeling
hesitant about it,
can I just wear one?
- No, I'm gonna wear the puka.
Okay.
I just want to make a good
first impression.
I mean, this summer is
gonna be huge for us.
I feel like we said
that last summer.
Yeah, but now we're counselors.
Do you have any idea how
much more likely it is
that counselor chicks are
gonna hook up with us?
A lot, hopefully?
Yes, exactly.
A lot, hopefully.
I mean, at the very least,
we're gonna hook up
with some older campers,
right?
Women are attracted to power.
[car horn honks]
[Bobby] Camp Pineway,
you beautiful bitches!
Whoa!
Let's make this the best
counselor weekend yet.
[cheering]
Am I right? Fuck!
Which way are we going?
[All] Pineway!
Which way we fucking going?!
[All] Pineway!
Yes, man, yes!
[laughing]
I fucking love your car.
Where's Demi?
[car alarm beeps]
Demi.
Hi, Jason.
What's up?
You need a hand?
Actually, that would
be amazing, yeah.
We could...
Could you be careful with those?
Sorry, Demi.
Okay, see you.
It's great to see you, too.
It's just so good to be back.
You know what they always say?
You can't spell Pineway
without "e-way."
What?
Because I can't stay e-way
from this place.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, well, I'm really excited
that you're back.
You too!
Bye bye.
Dammit. Ah, this door.
This pesky door.
Hey, guys, it's Deedee.
You guys have been asking
for another tutorial,
so today I'm going to teach you
how to do the perfect --
[clapping]
Bravo!
Hey, Ezra.
[exhales]
Jason, I didn't think you were
coming back this year.
Yeah, well, John and Kathy
needed my help, so --
Actually, so do I.
We're doing a gritty reimagining
of Pinocchio this year.
Very political.
And I think that you
may be perfect
for the role of old man
Geppetto.
No, I'm not, I'm not really
much of an actor.
Oh, no, no, no, but you have a
fascinating quality, Jason.
There's something deeply
sad and broken about you.
I think it'll come across
nicely on stage.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Now, auditions aren't for
a couple of weeks,
but I just wanted
to plant the seed.
And Jason!
This is not going to be the
greatest theatrical production
in Pineway's history.
Boop.
I guess the whole film is just
like an allegory, you know,
for how traumatic
experiences
just affect you in general.
I mean, shit, Shannon, I don't
even know if you know this,
but I grew up with a mildly
severe nut allergy.
Yeah, yeah, I think you might
have mentioned that.
So, even though the character
is a schizophrenic,
or a photographer,
it's a...
It's a very personal story.
Yo, which way are we going?
Pineway.
I said, which way
are we going?
My God, he did it.
What do you, what?
When?
We're in the middle of
something here, dude.
No, we aren't.
Hi, Chris.
Hey, Shannon.
Okay, time out.
I'm sorry.
It's 9:42. Arrival is supposed
to be at 9:45.
I was going to be
the one to do it.
Yeah, and I also wanted Shannon
to read my screenplay,
but, like, it looks like we both
can't get what we want.
Fuck.
It's just a stupid chant
anyway. Who cares?
I knew you should've
let me drive.
Dale says you're
a reckless driver.
Fuck Dale!
Whoa!
Dale's been a great stepfather
to me and my mom.
Whatever.
Oh, Bobby. I'm, I'm sorry, man.
I didn't mean it to
come out like that.
Your mom will find someone,
man, I know it.
[door rattling]
[Jason] Hey, stranger.
Holy shit! Hey!
Okay.
You having trouble?
Yeah, I think the handle's like
jammed or something.
Bunk 9 is always a tricky one.
Yeah.
You just have to lift,
jiggle, and then pull.
Yeah, I'm trying.
Jiggle.
Oh, almost. May I try?
Yeah.
Oh! Show off.
Yeah, you loosened it.
I like the beard.
Oh, thank you.
I was trying, trying
something new.
Yeah.
Wait, why did you come back?
Well, John and Kathy needed
extra help, so yeah.
I don't really see why
it's such a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'm just surprised
because last year
you said you weren't
coming back.
Right, but --
And you were like crying.
I don't think I was crying.
You were definitely crying.
You were, like, sobbing.
You gave that "end of an era"
speech.
Okay, but the point
is, like, I'm back
and I'm better than ever.
So how are you? How,
how have you been?
Good, pretty good.
I started seeing someone.
Ooh. Romance for Claire!
Right.
- I love it.
Yeah, he broke my heart.
Oh, yikes. I'm sorry.
It's fine. It was, like,
three weeks ago, so --
It's still fresh.
Yeah, I don't...
Yeah, I guess.
Huh.
Yeah, I wasn't going
to come back either,
but I thought it might
be good to, like,
get away for a while.
Yeah, perfect place
to clear your head,
get him out of your mind, erase
him from your memory.
Totally. Yeah, right.
Why did you guys break up?
Oh, maybe we could talk
about it some other time.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- It that's cool.
Totally, totally.
Maybe I'll catch you up
on my love life.
But I hope you have
a lot of time.
Just kidding.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
So have you seen John
and Kathy?
[Claire] No.
Oh.
[Claire] I'll see you later.
- Yeah, see you soon.
John and Kathy,
where art thou?
[knocking on window]
- Hello, there!
Here's Jason!
This is the best part. I'm just
walking away now,
you know, he gave me a ticket
or whatever the fuck.
I turned around and I'm like,
"Officer, I forgot something.
I forgot to mention,
I'm a liar!" Bam!
360 kick to the face.
This guy's like --
[Jason] Guys, guys!
There's been a robbery.
What?
So the four jacks
all got together
and they decided to rob a bank.
No, no, no, no, no, no magic.
Just keep --
But these --
- No magic, man.
Jacks did --
- Stop!
Fine, let's cut straight
to the biz.
Kathy and John aren't here yet,
but they've asked me
to take over the position
of camp leader.
That's not a real position.
[Jason] So anyways,
I know a few of you are
first time counselors,
and campers arrive
in a couple of days,
so you may be
a little nervous,
but I'm a six year
veteran myself,
and if there's anything
that you need,
any questions that you have,
do not hesitate to ask. You are
in very safe hands.
Capiche?
Molly? Yes. Thank you.
What's the vegan option
for dinner tonight?
Oh, I meant more about
being a counselor,
but um, yeah. Don't worry.
I can, I can grill a mean
tofu burger.
Namaste. Thank you.
Very well.
So...
As you all know, phones
go in the basket.
[all groaning]
[Jason] I know it seems
like a bummer now,
but how refreshing is it
to get a chance
to take a break from
social media?
I mean, in this day and age --
Let's get fucked up!
[all cheering]
Let's get effed up, but let's
also remember,
the camp has very strict
policies against partying.
So just no drinking,
no smoking,
and most importantly,
no Game of Thrones
spoilers.
[talking fading away]
[door slams]
[Claire] Are you coming?
Buzzsaw by The Turtles
[splashing]
Buzzsaw
[splashing]
Ahoy.
[birds chirping]
I've heard that's a real
page turner.
Huh?
[Jason] Your book.
Are you clairvoyant as well?
No, um, unfortunately not,
but I just saw you sitting
here all alone and --
I'm not alone.
Certainly.
[splashing]
Oh!
[laughing]
Ah, Michael! You're terrible!
If it's going to be 9:42,
then just say 9:42.
I mean, don't specify
9:45 in an email
and expect me to what,
anticipate an early arrival.
And Mike's never early.
Chris?
Chris?
[Chris] Hey, Shannon.
[Shannon] Oh, hey!
[Chris] How's it going?
[sighs]
[Chris & Shannon talking
faintly]
[arrow whooshing]
Fuck.
I think the sites are off
on this, or something.
Is that possible?
Maybe.
May I?
- Yeah.
[Jason humming]
[arrow whooshing]
[Claire] Christ.
Yep. You don't win
Pineway Champion Runner Up
four years in a row without
slinging a few bows.
Oh, is that why you're back?
You want to finally win one?
No, no, no. What do you
think I am?
I don't, I don't care about
that kind of stuff.
[arrow whooshing]
Although,
I have to be this year's
favorite, right?
I mean, I don't think I've ever
heard of someone
winning runner up five years
in a row.
No, I don't think anyone's
come close.
Yeah.
Do you think it's a little
bit suspicious
that John and Kathy
aren't here yet?
Suspicious?
I mean,
they specifically asked
me to come back,
and now they're not even here.
I don't know, they'll be back
in a couple of days.
Come on, Claire.
What?
I think they're seeing if I can
run the camp without them.
Why would they do that?
Well, they have to hire
somebody new.
They can't spend every summer
here, all summer.
I mean, they have lives
outside of Pineway.
Yeah, what about you?
That's what I'm saying, I've got
to be the most qualified
person for the job.
No, I mean, like,
what about your life
outside of Pineway?
Oh.
Yeah, I don't know.
I, it was just a thought.
[Demi] So drunk I could
not hold it up.
Okay.
Do you think you could help me
with my, like, form or whatever?
[Jason] I would love to.
Totally.
Okay.
Here, take aim again, and...
Just...
Try not to think of it
as a pull back.
Try to think of it as
a push forward.
[Jason] Push forward.
[Jason] And...
Let go!
[arrow whooshing]
Yeah
Yeah
Hey.
What's up?
Is Chris seeing anyone?
I'm actually pretty busy
right now, so --
How is this busy?
Hey, Demi.
Whoa.
Is that your car, Bobby?
Yep.
[Shannon] No, no,
that's not his car.
[Demi] What?
[Shannon] It's Chris' car.
Why are you washing
Chris' car?
Why are you washing
Chris's car, Bobby?
Well, technically, it's his
step-dad's car.
[music playing faintly]
[Shannon] Okay.
[Demi] I'm gonna go.
Oh.
Cock block.
[Shannon] Ew. You know
she's dating Mike.
For now.
[Shannon] For probably
a long time.
What does he see in you?
Wait, Chris says he sees
something in me?
Oh!
Yesterday's Numbers
by Flamin' Groovies
Have you ever been alone
So long you couldn't end
Did you ever break
a heart, baby
Well, I do
Did you ever lose a friend?
Baby, I want your
love tonight
To make my head
feel light
Hey, pal.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
I just thought this summer
was going to start
a little differently.
Don't I know it.
But you know what they say,
a bad day at Pineway
is better
than a good day anywhere else.
It's a long summer,
and you're in the best
place in the world.
[Bobby] Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks, man.
My pleasure.
I'm Bobby.
What? I know.
Oh, and you are?
Seriously?
We've gone to camp together
for eight years.
Holy shit, Matt?
No! Jason.
Jason?
- Jason, Jason Hochberg.
I don't think I know you, dude.
- You definitely, absolutely do.
I was one of your bunk
counselors two years ago.
Jason.
No.
- That's fine.
That's totally fine.
You know what it is?
I got a gym membership
this past spring,
and I've been trying really
hard to lose all this weight.
So in a weird way,
the fact you don't
recognize me is actually a --
Wait, Jason.
Jason, of course.
Jason Hochberg.
No, you look pretty much
the exact same,
I just forgot you existed.
[Jason] Okay.
Wait, weren't you not going to
come back this summer?
[grill sizzling]
Ooh.
Oh.
One tofu burger, please.
Well done or bloody?
[laughs]
Just kidding.
Well, don't. That's disgusting.
Sorry. Coming right up.
[drum beat]
[birds chirping]
[Bobby] You mind if I join you?
You don't eat meat?
Me? Oh God, no.
No, people who eat meat
disgust me.
They should be slaughtered,
if you ask me.
I say that same exact
thing all the time.
I um, I had no idea
you felt like that.
Yeah, well, I try to
let my actions
speak for themselves,
you know?
Two years vegetarian and proud.
You do realize how disgusting
the dairy industry is, right?
Like, you might as well
be eating meat if you're --
[Both] -- drinking milk.
Jinx! You didn't let me finish.
Two years vegetarian
and proud,
18 months vegan and prouder.
[Ari] You couldn't wait to eat.
He literally is making
you a burger.
[Claire] Why are you
monitoring what I eat?
[whistle blows]
What is going on, everybody?
She is being wildly insensitive
to my condition.
Wait, is this true, Claire?
Of course not. I'm, like, eating
a fucking granola bar
25 feet away from you,
and you are freaking out.
By the way, it doesn't
have nuts in it, okay!
See, that's good.
No nuts.
That's like if I held a gun
to you for five minutes,
like, "Relax, Ari. Doesn't
have any bullets in it."
It's nothing like that
because one is a gun
and the other is a
stupid nut allergy.
[All] Ooh!
[Jason] Okay, she did not
mean that.
Yeah, I do.
[groans]
Twenty-six percent.
[All] What?
Kids who have allergies
are 26% more likely
to develop social anxiety
than those without.
Did you know that? Huh?
No, no, I didn't know that.
Right.
Enjoy your privilege.
[sighs]
[Bobby] It's actually so funny
that you say that
because I'm a Scorpio,
like Ryan Gosling.
Eww, I hate Scorpios.
What?
Miley, no! Don't go!
Miley!
Like Gosling.
[birds chirping]
[flies buzzing]
[whistling]
[door opening]
Mike?
Have you seen my other
lash curler?
I literally just saw it.
I'm trying to get ready
before the bonfire,
and I'm not even close.
Hello, Mike.
[thud]
[Demi groans]
[thud]
[thudding]
[Mike] So I say to him, "Hey, do
you listen to this? I'm a liar."
So you just knocked
him out,
out cold with one shot?
Yeah. I mean, like,
thank God I did,
otherwise, I'd still be in shit.
This guy knocked out
a fucking cop, bro.
Yes, that's sick.
No, it's not sick, okay.
I have a great deal of respect
for the police.
So you kicked one in the head?
I wasn't thinking, man.
I'm kind of an idiot.
No, you're not an idiot.
You kind of are, though.
I mean, you kicked a cop.
He could have shot you.
- Oh, well, this was a --
Who wants to hear
a spooky story?
Jesus Christ, Jason, Mike's
in the middle of a story, dude.
Continue. Mike, please.
I don't even remember
where I was at.
I'll just start over again.
So he reaches for
his cuffs and I say,
"I forgot to mention,
I'm a liar."
[Claire] Hey.
Ah!
Hey.
Woah, I did not
mean to scare you.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Shouldn't, like, leave
your door open.
I wanted a little...
air.
Okay.
Why aren't you with the fire?
Well, I should probably
be planning
some more group activities
for tomorrow.
Plus, I just don't really think
that they want me there.
Fuck that.
You're allowed to
have fun too,
even if you are trying
to like, be professional,
or get hired, or whatever.
You can still have fun.
Why aren't you at the bonfire?
Because they're like,
insufferable.
That's not fair. Claire!
[chuckles] Ezra's doing
monologues.
Ooh.
Mike is shitfaced.
Bobby keeps telling everyone
he's going to jump the fire
on his BMX.
What? That sounds
incredibly reckless.
He could die.
I know.
You want to come watch?
Do you think they'll have
weenies there?
What?
Do you think they'll have
weenies grilling on the --
Why aren't you saying
hot dogs?
It's much more fun
to say weenies.
What's wrong?
It's nothing.
Too much tongue?
- No.
Not enough tongue?
No. No.
Oh, okay, great.
Are you going to maybe tell
Bobby about this?
[exhales]
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I think I will.
- Yeah, I figured.
Wait, he's my best friend,
Shannon.
No, I know he's your
best friend,
but like, he's also
kind of an asshole.
Oh, no, no, no, he just,
he just looks and acts like one.
Come on, you got this.
It's just fire.
Man, he definitely not
doing this.
I know.
[Claire] Hurry up!
Come on, now.
Fire can't burn a dragon.
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
[All] Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Come on! Just do it, pussy!
What? Huh?
What did you just call me?
You know what?
Forget it! No!
I'm about to risk my life
for your entertainment,
and you call me a pussy.
Stunt's off!
[all booing]
You hear that, Ari?
They're booing you.
Right.
[bird calling]
I don't need you.
I won't do this.
I hate you.
[gasps]
[breathing shakily]
It's Beyond Meat.
[screaming]
[slicing]
Is someone there?
It's Mike.
Hello?
Well,
we were talking
by the fire,
and then we went
behind the bunks
and eventually snuck into
the rec room.
And?
Does head mean anything to you?
No way. She blew you?
What? No, no, no,
I blew her.
When?
We were watching Spider-Man 2
on the VCR,
and he just went down on me.
Wait, isn't that
like two hours?
And seven minutes.
How the fuck is that fair?
I've seen the movie
like 100 times.
No! What? That you
blew her first.
In nine out of every ten
straight relationships,
the woman performs
the first sexual favor
on her male partner.
How's that for unfair?
Why do you know that?
And he's studying gender studies
at school next year.
He's the perfect guy.
You're an absolute sucker, man.
[banging on door]
Hey, Chris.
Hey, man.
Bobby!
Fellas!
I'm just doing the rounds
and making sure
everybody is coolio.
I have a couple of amazing group
activities planned for tomorrow,
so try to get a good
night's rest,
and I'll see you in the morning.
Yeah, that sounds great, but
we were actually planning
on going to the rec room soon,
and I imagine we might be there
for a long time, so maybe
just count us out
of those group activities.
[door closes]
Hey, Demi. Don't you worry,
we have a lot of amazing
group activities
planned for tomorrow.
Breakfast will be served
at 8:30 sharp.
[Jason mumbling to himself]
[knocking on door]
Hey Dem, missed you
at the bonfire.
I'm just coming around,
telling everyone about
a couple of fun activities
we have planned for tomorrow.
So, breakfast is at
Hello?
[knocking on door]
Demi?
[door creaking]
I'm coming in!
Are you decent?
[Jason screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[guitar strumming]
[singing] Because she
says, "I love you"
[ Jason screaming faintly ]
Help!
She's dead!
She's dead!
I went down to Demi's bunk.
She's been killed.
[Ezra] What's going on?
- [scream]
Jason saying that
he's been killed.
[gasps]
You guys stole my fucking
murder mystery party idea,
didn't you?
No, I'm being serious!
We, we have to get out of here!
I pitched this idea
months ago, okay?
We need to get help!
We, we, we, we need
to call the police!
Jesus. All right,
go get the phones.
Oh, no!
Someone stole the phones!
Jason, you're pushing
a little bit, okay?
But I do appreciate the
dedication to this performance.
Everybody, please!
Oh, Jason.
Stop talking right now!
Demi is dead in her bunk.
We're not safe here.
We need to leave right now.
We really should not
be going back here.
Is anyone else getting peckish?
There's burgers in the kitchen.
Guys, come on.
[door creaking]
Where is she?
She was just right there.
It could be stage blood.
Definitely Demi.
[screaming]
Oh, fuck!
[screaming]
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
[screaming]
I can fit four people!
Shotgun!
[screaming]
Claire!
[screaming]
Claire!
[screaming]
Claire!
Yeah? What is it?
We need to go.
We need to go.
What the fuck?
[screaming]
Oh, fuck, Dale just got
these installed!
Fuck it, let's go. Start it!
[grunting]
Unlock the door!
[engine struggling]
Fuck! My car won't
fucking start!
The battery's dead!
Fuck, mine too!
What is happening right now?
Demi's been murdered, and
there's a killer on the loose!
What?
Nobody leaves this bunk, okay?
We're safe in here.
What about Miley?
She's still out there.
And Mike.
Oh, yeah, him too.
Fuck! They weren't
with you guys?
We're going to die!
We're all going to die!
No, we're not going to die.
We're going to be okay.
Really? Because Demi's
been slaughtered,
Mike and Miley are
probably next,
and none of us have
our phones.
What about the landline?
Yeah, there's one in
the meal hall.
Brilliant.
It's probably cut.
Whoever did this took
our cell phones,
killed our car, you don't think
they thought of that too.
Maybe they did,
but we have to try.
Fuck that. We don't
have to do shit.
If you want to try, that's
your death wish.
Don't be a dick, Ari.
You did not see
Demi's bunk, okay?
It was a bloodbath. I'm not
going back out there.
Me neither.
Fine, I'll go.
No, you can't go do that alone
because it's too dangerous.
Yeah.
It's way too dangerous,
Bobby.
Why don't you go with him?
Oh, you'd love that,
wouldn't you?
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't want to fucking
go out there.
Yeah, no one does, but
he can't go alone.
These are completely shuffled,
totally random.
Two lowest cards
come with me, okay?
Wait. Are aces high or low?
High.
- Low.
When are aces ever low?
- Cribbage.
How about if you get an ace,
you get to pick
if it's high or low?
- Who the hell would pick low?
I don't know, it's just
a thought.
Aces are high.
Okay?
[All] Three, two, one.
Queen. Yes!
Eight of clubs.
Did anyone get lower
than a three?
Miley?
Mike?
Guys?
Miley?
Mike?
Should we just go
back now
and tell them that the
phone didn't work?
Ugh, fine.
I'm just glad I packed this.
A fucking bear
didn't kill Demi.
We can't rule it out completely.
I threw a tofu burger into
the woods earlier.
A bear probably ate it and
hated the taste so much,
it decided to go for
the real thing.
Human flesh.
I'm afraid so.
What do you guys think
burgers are made of?
The line's been cut.
Oh, I've always wanted
to say that.
What, is line actually cut?
Oh, yeah. No, this thing's not
gonna work at all.
[dripping]
[screaming]
[screaming]
Help!
[ Jason screaming in the
distance ]
Jason! What happened?
- Are you okay?
Where is everyone?
I don't know.
We were in the meal hall
looking for the phone.
Did it work?
No, but then Ari --
Got attacked by a bear.
No, what?
Shut the fuck up.
Just let him finish.
He opened the fridge. Miley's
head was in there.
Next thing I know, they're
sprinting away.
I didn't know what to do,
so I just ran back
as fast as I could.
I thought they'd
come back too.
Maybe they still will.
[owl hooting]
We're going to be all right.
John and Kathy
will be here soon,
and they're going
to call for help.
What are we going
to do until then?
Stay in here.
Fuck.
I knew I should have packed
my nunchucks.
Oh, so now it's not a bear?
- I don't know, Shannon.
No one knows what we're
dealing with here.
I know how we can
get some answers.
Okay.
Everybody join hands together.
We're going to bless the board.
I'd like to sit this one out,
if that's okay.
Everyone in the room has
to be holding hands.
Oh, then I'll leave the room.
[Chris] What's up, man?
I don't fuck with ghost shit.
Do you fuck with getting
brutally murdered outside?
That's kind of a
loaded question.
Just grab someone's hand.
[Bobby] Fine. Can I at least sit
between two chicks?
Hello, spirits.
We are not here to hurt you.
We just want to talk.
All spirits are welcome.
Oh! Whoa! Maybe
not all spirits.
Quiet!
Ezra is with us.
I call upon you, Ezra.
I'm going to ask a yes
or no question.
Are you dead?
- That's a bit of a softball.
Shh.
Let him answer.
Yes.
Who did this to you?
I.
D.
E.
K.
He doesn't even know.
Wait, I, I sense
a new spirit here.
Demi.
Oh my God.
Demi, who killed you?
[slamming]
Ghost!
[screaming]
[whimpering]
Help! Help me!
Fuck you, bitch!
Who the fuck --
[groaning]
[grunting]
[muffled screaming]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, please, please,
please, please.
No! Stop!
Stop! No!
Help!
[muffled screaming]
[screaming]
[sobbing]
Ezra, are you okay?
No! Do I look okay? I can't see.
I've been blinded.
I'm so sorry, dude! I thought
you were the killer.
You screamed, "Ghost."
I didn't know for sure.
Fuck you, Bobby!
[bird calling]
[Claire] What happened?
Where were you?
Well, when I saw Miley's
decapitated head
flop over in the fridge,
I suppose my survival
instincts kicked in.
I closed my eyes and ran
to the one place
that I've always felt safe,
the theater.
But as I was lying there
alone in the dark,
under the boards,
it came to me.
What came to you?
The identity of the killer.
The killer isn't some
deranged woodsman
or psychiatric hospital escapee.
The killer is someone
that we all know,
someone who waited
for the perfect opportunity
to exact their revenge.
The killer is...
Jason.
What?!
Jason Hochberg,
he's the killer.
No, no, no!
Wait, wait!
Ah!
What the fuck?
Claire, stay back!
He's the killer.
I'm not!
Are too!
Ow!
- Get off of him!
You're the one who
took our phones.
Yeah!
It's camp policy.
And you're the one that
found Demi's body.
Yeah!
That was a coincidence.
And you're like
forty-fucking-five,
and you still go to
summer camp.
[All] Yeah!
I'm only 24.
Save it for the jury!
[Claire] Get off of him!
Claire, enough.
He clearly hates himself,
so he snapped and started
killing off the hottest
counselors.
Wait. What? Timeout.
We don't know that.
That's subjective.
No, we do. It's obvious.
You guys are fucking insane.
I agree with Claire. He's
definitely killing at random.
I'm not killing at all.
He's not the killer.
Yes, he is.
I've got nothing but weird
energy from him
ever since we got here.
You get weird vibes from me?
Are you kidding me?
If anyone's a killer,
it's probably her!
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't bring Noelle
into this, okay?
She's a fucking sweetheart.
Apologize to Noelle right now.
I'm sorry. Noelle,
I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean that at all.
But guys, you're making
a huge mistake here.
I'm not a killer.
I'm, Ja --
[muffled screaming]
Okay.
If he doesn't break soon,
we're going to have
to torture him.
I agree.
[muffled screaming]
Now...
You're gonna tell me where
you hid the phones?
[muffled screaming]
Okay, okay, I see how it is.
You'll be talking soon enough.
[muffled screaming]
Hey, Bobby, you coming?
I want to keep an eye on Jason.
Good call.
Do you want anything,
like a snack or something?
Water would be great, actually.
Water? Great.
Jason, anything?
[muffled screaming]
Suit yourself.
[sighs] There are like no good
torture weapons in here.
Can we look for milk
or something?
I can't see anything.
There's water.
Hey! Single use plastics
are the real killers.
[Chris] Shannon, where do they
keep the glasses?
[muffled talking]
Did I ever say something
to you,
did I do something that
made me deserve this?
Jason went nuts,
started killing all
the hot kids,
but I wasn't one of them.
How is that supposed to
make someone feel?
Demi makes sense,
Miley, I understand.
But, Mike, what?
Wrong place, wrong time?
I guess he has a nice body,
but it's mostly genetic.
I mean, I'm an ectomorph,
which means that it's --
[thud]
[thud]
Let's get out of here.
What are you doing? They'll
be back any second.
Yeah, so I'm fucking
untying you.
Ow!
- Did I hurt you?
No, no. Just because be careful
around my rib bones.
Don't say ow f I didn't
hurt you.
Wait, did I make you that one?
The green and yellow one.
Yeah, you gave me that
two summers ago.
You kept it?
Of course.
Oh, no, no. I got it.
We should go.
- Yeah.
Okay, let's go!
- Okay.
Hey, what the fuck?
What's happening?
Jason and Claire are
running away!
What? We didn't even
torture you yet.
Fuck you guys.
No, not cool, guys.
But I brought waters!
Oh, goddamn it!
How'd they get past Bobby?
[glass shatters]
Fine! Stay dehydrated!
Sorry, guys. I'll go get more.
Okay.
Poor Claire.
No, I tried to warn her.
But I mean, she's going
to be okay, right?
Please, he's probably chopping
her up as we speak.
Ezra.
What? He cut Miley's head off.
Like off.
There's just no knowing the
depths of that man's evil.
I just hope everybody's okay.
Claire, maybe we should go back.
We can explain ourselves.
They're getting ready
to torture you.
And they probably feel terrible
about that now.
I bet they're really
embarrassed.
No, I don't think that they are.
But they know I'm
not the killer.
Shannon said it herself.
What are you talking about?
I overheard her saying
that she didn't think
I was capable of doing
something like that.
Physically. Like she didn't
think that you
could physically do that.
Oh.
Yeah, she didn't think that you
could overpower anyone.
Right.
It just doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I was lying there
unconscious,
practically begging
for him to kill me,
and he didn't even
lay a finger on me.
I mean, am I that ugly to him?
You know, I wouldn't take
it personally, dude.
He's a sick, sick man,
and if he had any taste,
he would have killed you
a long time ago.
Thanks, man.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
We should be out there
looking for our phones.
Wrong. We should be waiting
for John and Kathy.
No. Well, we don't know how
long that's going to be.
What, you want to wait until
tomorrow afternoon?
Tomorrow night?
What if they don't make
it at all tomorrow?
Then what happens
to your genius plan?
Nobody knows that shit
went fucking haywire.
[clattering]
Oh, sorry.
You're making me nervous.
Shannon's right.
We can't keep sitting here
doing nothing.
Yeah.
Let's go find the phones.
I just can't believe Bobby
didn't even recognize me at all.
Pineway champion runner up
four years in a row,
and he had no clue who I was.
Like, does he not even look
at the bottom of the frames?
- Shh!
What?
This looks familiar.
Okay, then why do I
have to be quiet?
Oh, I know that tree.
You know that tree?
Yeah.
- What do you mean?
That's Make Out Point.
Ma -- yeah.
Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.
Make Out, yeah, this is
Make Out Point.
You've never been here before?
No, I've been here. Yeah.
It's just, At first, it looked
a little different is all.
It's actually, it's crazy how
much this foliage
changes over the
course of a year.
Mm-hmm.
I'm surprised that
you've been here.
You're surprised?
No, not surprised. I mean,
I'm impressed, is what I --
Not, I don't mean to impressed,
like, you know.
I just mean like you probably
come here all the time
or not all the time.
I mean, normal time.
Like, you come here
like, when it's like,
a good amount, like it's,
like --
No, you're right, I like, I
practically live here.
[chuckling]
Jason?
[door creaking]
[door closing]
[Ezra] Guys, has anyone
found anything?
I'm starting to get freaked out.
[gasps]
Finally!
[thud]
[thudding]
[flies buzzing]
[Claire] Is that...?
[Jason] It's John and Kathy.
Come on, we have to go.
Jason, we have to go.
We have to go back.
What the fuck are
you talking about?
We have to get help.
They where the help.
Everyone thinks that they'll
be there tomorrow.
Right? Which is why
we need to go,
and we need to go
get the police.
It's 30 miles of forest, we
won't make that.
We have no choice.
What are we supposed to do?
Like we go back there
and do what?
We have to try.
Just stop! Be real with yourself
for one second, okay?
If we go back there,
we are going to die.
Then you go.
You go.
Try and get help.
I just, I can't.
I can't leave them.
They like think that
you were the killer.
They were about
to torture you.
Yeah, but they're
just scared.
They don't mean that.
No, they are assholes. You don't
owe them anything.
You don't owe them your life.
I'm supposed to be camp leader.
Yeah, you made that up.
That doesn't mean it's not true.
Just stay with me.
Please?
I'm sorry.
[ Demi speaking faintly ]
Noelle?
Oh, my God.
You guys are alive!
Guys, get in here!
This is amazing!
[Shannon] I can't believe
you guys are alive.
Jason told us that
he killed you.
Wait, what?
Jason told you that
he killed us?
No, he said that you
were dead.
But then we found out
that he's the killer.
Which is why we
decided to kill him.
What, you killed Jason?
No, he got away.
Where'd he go?
Into the woods.
[whistling]
I'm just really glad that
you guys are okay.
Me too.
Mm-hmm.
What the fuck is going on?
Why do they think it's Jason?
Hey, I can't focus when
you look this good.
Are you kidding me?
Can you keep it in your pants
for, like, five minutes?
The plan is going to shit.
Babe, relax. We're fine.
I mean, I know it's not
what you wanted,
but maybe it's not
the worst idea
we blame it on him.
Ow!
- Shh!
I knew you were going to
bitch out! I fucking knew it.
I'm not bitching out.
We killed them to get famous and
you want to turn back now?
I'm not gonna let Jason
get all the credit
for my hard work.
I know, I know, but I've
been thinking about it,
and I don't want to spend the
rest of my life in a jail cell.
I want to be with you.
Okay, cute. And I don't
want to spend
the rest of my life as
a fucking nobody.
As a... babe.
Think about what would happen
if we did blame him.
The young, hot couple
survives a serial killer.
We'd be huge.
Okay, fuck it. Let's do it.
Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
Okay, but we have
to kill them all.
We'll figure something out.
I am not competing
for camera coverage.
[grunt]
[door slams open]
All right, here's the plan.
We're going to sit tight
and wait for help
to arrive in the morning.
We'll all take turns keeping
watch all night.
And if we stick together,
everything's going
to be okay.
Now, this angel over here
had a great idea to leave
a little video behind,
just in case things
go sideways.
Demi, babe, take it away.
[chuckles]
Hey, guys, it's Demi.
Tonight something really
fucked up happened.
This guy named Jason freaked out
and started killing everyone.
He killed Miley,
probably Noelle and Ari too.
You think you know
someone, you know?
I knew it was him
from the start.
Jason Hochberg is a demented
individual.
He is vile, monstrous,
despicable and --
Scary. Jason's a really
scary guy.
Yeah, I had a, I had a few
close calls with the guy.
Real psycho.
He kept saying that there was
no reason behind the attacks.
He really wanted
everyone to know
that they were totally random.
Okay, great.
Thanks, guys. I think we have
everything we need.
Mike?
Can you see anything?
No, it's getting really scary.
I wish we had night
vision goggles.
Dude. I feel like I say
that all the time.
Me too.
Mike?
[crashing]
[grunt]
My mistress with
a monster is in love.
Near to her close and to
consecrated bower,
while she was in her dull
and sleeping hour,
a crew of patches,
rude mechanicals
who work for bread upon
Athenian stalls.
Was that good?
Rude mechanicals who work for
bread upon Athenian stalls,
intended for great Theseus'
nuptial-day.
The shallowest --
wait, no, no, no, no, no.
Were met together to
rehearse a play
intended for great Theseus'
nuptial-day.
Ezra!
What?
Run! Run! Jason's behind you!
What? Where?
Left!
Stage left?
I don't even know
what that means!
[cracking]
[screaming]
[thud]
[thud]
[screaming]
We need to get the
fuck out of here.
Shannon's still in there.
Chris, we need to
leave right now.
I gotta go, man.
She's the one.
Way too soon.
Sometimes you just know.
I'll meet you back outside.
You're a fool, Christian.
Shannon?
[door closes]
[door opens]
[clattering]
Oh!
[Both] Where's Chris?
I thought he was with you.
- He went back to get you.
Fuck!
He's gonna die in there. We have
to go back and get him.
Jason.
Jason.
[slap]
Oh!
Oh, good, you're awake.
[muffled screaming]
Right, because the whole [makes
choking sound] thing.
Yeah, I just couldn't have
anyone wondering where I was.
If I take off the gag, do you
promise not to freak out?
I need you to tell me
where Claire is.
[muffled speaking]
Help! Help me!
No one can hear you.
Help!
Oh, God.
Oh, that's so bad.
There's so much blood.
Shannon, there's
so much blood.
Will you shut the fuck up?
- Oh, fuck, this is bad.
That's so much worse than I
thought I was gonna be.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
Chris will be fine.
No, no, what are you doing,
you fucking idiot?
We have to get Chris now!
- I don't want to get Chris.
He could be anywhere, and
Jason's right there.
[slap]
Oh!
Pull your shit together.
Fuck it, I'll go --
- Fine, wait!
I'm gonna go in,
but before I do
I just want to say that you
probably don't deserve him.
Oh, fuck you!
- No.
But I definitely don't
deserve him.
I don't. At least you
got a chance.
I'll handle the killer.
You just get Chris,
and you both get out of here.
No.
- Yes.
No, Bobby.
- I don't want to hear it.
It's what I have to do.
It's suicide.
Why would you say that?
- What did I say?
It's suicide. I'm trying to
hype myself up
to have this big,
heroic moment,
and now I'm really
second guessing myself.
Sorry.
It's fine.
Just think next time before you
say something like that.
Hey, fuckface!
Wassup?
Fuck!
Chris?
Chris, where are you?
Chris.
Shannon, I'm up here.
Chris, why the fuck did you get
into the castle? Let's go!
Spot me.
- Come on, come on, let's go.
Ah, oh!
You okay?
You came back for me.
Well, yeah, I wasn't going
to let you die.
Okay, let's go.
I love you.
[Shannon] What?
Nothing. Nothing, yeah.
Let's go.
[grunting]
[grunting]
[glass shattering]
Where's Jason?
That's not Jason,
you fucking idiot!
[Mike] Jason's probably
already dead.
Oh, fuck, Mike.
- Mike?
Oh, you miss me?
[Bobby] No, you classically
handsome piece of shit.
Claire, get out of here.
Go find Jason. I'll deal
with this asshole.
[thud]
Demi, what are you doing?
I know you. This isn't you.
[crying] You're right.
It's, it's Mike.
Mike's making me do this.
I don't, I don't want to.
Oh, my God. My hormonal
female brain,
it can't think for itself.
I'm so indecisive.
And thank god a strong man
came along
and convinced me
to murder people.
Are you fucking kidding me?
[Jason] What?
You think that Mike made
me kill people?
No one can make me
do anything.
Bitch!
Oh.
[thud]
[clattering]
[groaning]
Ow! Fucking bitch!
Oh!
[crashing]
[groaning]
Shit!
Come here.
[thud]
[groaning]
Ah, fuck!
[slamming]
Oh, come on!
[grunting]
[grunting]
[crashing]
[groaning]
[wheezing]
[gasping]
[grunt]
Why are you doing this to me?
Why frame me?
Why me?
[Demi] Why? Why? Why?
[spits]
Eww, Jason!
So pathetic.
Don't get mad at me.
Get mad at them.
They're the ones that
blamed it on you.
I was supposed to get
all the credit.
Are you kidding me?
Do you even know how long it
took me to plan everything?
I've been fantasizing about
killing you fucking losers
for years.
I'm honestly a little
jealous of you.
You're going to be even
more famous than me.
You're so lucky.
[door slams open]
Don't fucking move!
[groans]
[glass shattering]
[groaning]
Come here.
[All] Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby.
Ah, fuck!
The fuck?
Oh, you fucking bitch!
Oh!
Ah! Oh!
Fuck you!
[grunt]
Ah!
[grunting]
[thudding]
[grunting]
[thudding]
[laughs]
Oh, what the fuck? Are you
fucking hard right now?
Shut the fuck up!
The fuck?
- Don't fucking look at that.
Look away!
[Bobby] Okay!
Look the fuck away!
I'm not looking!
This isn't even for you, man.
[Bobby] Okay.
Shut the fuck up, man,
you will never get it.
You will never fucking
understand.
Do you know how good pussy
is after killing someone?
What?
[growls]
Do you know how
good pussy is
after fucking killing someone?
Is it that much better?
[thud]
Fuck, dude, that sounds
fucking dope.
I get it, man, I fucking
get it.
So fucking help me with
something, man.
I could, like, be your guys
third or something.
[thud]
Not like that. I didn't
mean it like that.
I won't fucking touch you, man.
I would never fucking dream
of doing that. I'm just gonna
fucking clean up the bodies
and fucking mop up the floor.
[thud]
And if it gets really
fucking horny,
is what I'm saying, I'll fucking
rub one out or something.
It doesn't matter.
- What the fuck?
Don't fucking kill me, Mike.
[thud]
- Shut up.
Mike, I forgot to mention...
I'm a liar.
[gasps]
[thud]
[gasping & coughing]
Put the knife down.
I said don't move, I will
slit his throat.
No! It's over, Claire.
You have to let her kill me.
What?
No.
You were right.
Everyone was right.
I shouldn't be here.
I mean, look at me. I'm
a grown ass man
who still goes to summer camp.
You have to move on.
You have to push forward.
Push forward.
It's time to let go.
Let go, Claire.
Claire.
Let go!
[screaming]
[thud]
Hi, are you okay?
Nice shot.
Yeah, just glad you're okay.
Are you wearing eyeshadow?
Fucking bitch!
[screaming]
[thud]
Whoa.
Oh, fuck, Bobby.
[children singing] Let's all
go to PIneway
Fun times at
Camp Pineway
Through the trees,
and to the lake
Songs we sing, and
friends we make
Every morning
as we wake up
Pineway is the best
[groaning]
I'm sorry I forgot who
you were earlier.
That's okay.
I knew you weren't the killer.
Actually, that's not true. I
thought you might have been
the killer for a second there,
but I didn't know Mike
was still in the picture.
That's okay.
Here.
[groans loudly]
I want you to have this.
Wow.
Thank you.
But why did you do that?
That's really dangerous.
You're never supposed
to pull out a blade.
Shh.
You deserve it.
Bobby, you need to put
pressure on that.
Like, seriously. Here.
Hand up, please.
Good.
- Alright.
When people ask about me,
tell them that I died
a hero's death.
You're not going to
die from this.
Yes, I am.
No, actually, tell them
they killed me first
because I was hot.
Bobby, you're not going
to die from this.
The wound's only like
two inches deep.
Wow.
- Yeah.
Well, it's the thought
that counts.
Listen, it's been a crazy night,
and it made me realize that
after almost dying --
Chris, it's --
- I don't love you.
I mean, I like you a lot,
and I really care about you,
it just, I don't love you. I
mean, maybe down the line --
I don't love you either.
That'd be fucking insane.
Yeah, that'd be fucking insane.
You're right.
You're totally right.
But you do like me,
though, right?
Yes, idiot.
Hey.
You all right?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for coming back.
Oh, yeah. I knew you'd
be fucked without me.
Is Bobby going to be okay?
Don't worry, this isn't
my blood.
This is Mike's blood.
I beat him.
Yeah.
- Good job.
Actually, a good amount of it
is my blood too.
Yeah.
He'll be, he'll be fine.
That's good.
So I figure next year,
I'm really gonna have to take on
more responsibility here.
It'll be a publicity nightmare,
for sure,
but if we could spin it
the right way --
Jason.
I'm kidding.
[chuckling]
I'm just fucking with you.
I'm, you know, fucking
with you, bro.
Eww, don't call me bro.
[chuckling]
So what are you going to do now?
Good Times by Eric Burdon
& The Animals
When I think of all the good
times that I've wasted
Having good times
When I think of all the good
time that's been wasted
Having good times
When I was drinkin'
I should have been thinking
When I was fighting
I could've done
the right thing
All of that boozin'
I was really losin'
Good times
Good times
When I think of all the good
times that's been wasted
Having good times
When I think of all the good
times that's been wasted
Having good times
All of my lying
I remember her crying
My useless talkin'
I could've been walkin'
Instead of complaining
I could've been gainin'
Good times
Yes, here we are all
having a jolly good time
And everything is
working out fine
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
[neon sign buzzing]
[guitar strings being tuned]
[flies buzzing]
[guitar strings being tuned]
Wait.
[guitar strings being tuned]
[guitar strumming]
[zapping]
Ow, my hand!
Sorry. There was a bug on you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry. There was a bug.
Okay, so swat it with your hand.
- Okay, okay.
Those things hurt!
I'm sorry.
[guitar strumming]
[zapping]
Ow!
I'm sorry! [laughs]
There was another bug.
Just wipe it away
with your hand!
There's going to be bugs.
We're at the lake!
I think that they're attracted
to the tuning.
You don't think that this is
just where they are?
No, it's just that
your guitar playing,
it sounds like shit.
What do you want to hear?
Play Pineway.
It's too early for that,
I'm saving it.
- No, practice!
[guitar strums lightly]
Fine.
Thank you.
[guitar strumming]
[singing] Let's all go
to Pineway.
Good times at
Camp Pineway.
Through the trees,
and to the lake,
songs we sing, and
the friends we make.
Every morning that we...
[guitar strums]
Wake up,
Pineway is the best!
Yay!
We did it!
[laughing]
[zapping]
Ow! I thought you were
gonna kiss me.
[laughing]
I'm going to get more beers.
[guitar strumming]
[guitar strumming]
What happened to the music?
I zap your strumming
hand too hard?
[screaming]
Oh, my fucking God!
[screaming]
Okay.
[car engine roars]
[crickets chirping]
[squelching]
[thud]
[squelching]
Day After Day
by Badfinger
I remember finding
out about you
Every day, my mind
is all around you
Hey!
[song playing on radio]
Are you okay?
I was cold.
[song playing on radio]
Can't help but feel this is
about the internship.
Why? Do you want to do it?
- No.
Because it's not too late
for me to turn around.
Mom.
All you have to do is just call
up the firm and explain your --
Mom!
It's a legitimate career
opportunity.
So is this.
John and Kathy
specifically asked me
to come back this year.
Oh, give me a break.
This isn't anything.
You're 24 years old
and you're still going
to summer camp.
I'm working at camp.
It's a job.
$100 a week is hardly
employment.
Bumped me up to 115.
Bring it home, baby
Make it so
I give my love to you
Look at all my love
Welcome home.
[car horn honks]
I'm sorry I was harsh earlier.
It's just you got to start
thinking about your future.
I am thinking about my future.
I mean, I have my whole life
to be a lawyer, but...
How many summers does a guy
get to spend here, huh?
A lot, apparently.
Oh, shit.
The puka's not dumb, right?
What? No, I love the puka.
Puka's great.
Puka's good?
Yeah, puka's great.
Right.
I mean, if you're feeling
hesitant about it,
can I just wear one?
- No, I'm gonna wear the puka.
Okay.
I just want to make a good
first impression.
I mean, this summer is
gonna be huge for us.
I feel like we said
that last summer.
Yeah, but now we're counselors.
Do you have any idea how
much more likely it is
that counselor chicks are
gonna hook up with us?
A lot, hopefully?
Yes, exactly.
A lot, hopefully.
I mean, at the very least,
we're gonna hook up
with some older campers,
right?
Women are attracted to power.
[car horn honks]
[Bobby] Camp Pineway,
you beautiful bitches!
Whoa!
Let's make this the best
counselor weekend yet.
[cheering]
Am I right? Fuck!
Which way are we going?
[All] Pineway!
Which way we fucking going?!
[All] Pineway!
Yes, man, yes!
[laughing]
I fucking love your car.
Where's Demi?
[car alarm beeps]
Demi.
Hi, Jason.
What's up?
You need a hand?
Actually, that would
be amazing, yeah.
We could...
Could you be careful with those?
Sorry, Demi.
Okay, see you.
It's great to see you, too.
It's just so good to be back.
You know what they always say?
You can't spell Pineway
without "e-way."
What?
Because I can't stay e-way
from this place.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, well, I'm really excited
that you're back.
You too!
Bye bye.
Dammit. Ah, this door.
This pesky door.
Hey, guys, it's Deedee.
You guys have been asking
for another tutorial,
so today I'm going to teach you
how to do the perfect --
[clapping]
Bravo!
Hey, Ezra.
[exhales]
Jason, I didn't think you were
coming back this year.
Yeah, well, John and Kathy
needed my help, so --
Actually, so do I.
We're doing a gritty reimagining
of Pinocchio this year.
Very political.
And I think that you
may be perfect
for the role of old man
Geppetto.
No, I'm not, I'm not really
much of an actor.
Oh, no, no, no, but you have a
fascinating quality, Jason.
There's something deeply
sad and broken about you.
I think it'll come across
nicely on stage.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Now, auditions aren't for
a couple of weeks,
but I just wanted
to plant the seed.
And Jason!
This is not going to be the
greatest theatrical production
in Pineway's history.
Boop.
I guess the whole film is just
like an allegory, you know,
for how traumatic
experiences
just affect you in general.
I mean, shit, Shannon, I don't
even know if you know this,
but I grew up with a mildly
severe nut allergy.
Yeah, yeah, I think you might
have mentioned that.
So, even though the character
is a schizophrenic,
or a photographer,
it's a...
It's a very personal story.
Yo, which way are we going?
Pineway.
I said, which way
are we going?
My God, he did it.
What do you, what?
When?
We're in the middle of
something here, dude.
No, we aren't.
Hi, Chris.
Hey, Shannon.
Okay, time out.
I'm sorry.
It's 9:42. Arrival is supposed
to be at 9:45.
I was going to be
the one to do it.
Yeah, and I also wanted Shannon
to read my screenplay,
but, like, it looks like we both
can't get what we want.
Fuck.
It's just a stupid chant
anyway. Who cares?
I knew you should've
let me drive.
Dale says you're
a reckless driver.
Fuck Dale!
Whoa!
Dale's been a great stepfather
to me and my mom.
Whatever.
Oh, Bobby. I'm, I'm sorry, man.
I didn't mean it to
come out like that.
Your mom will find someone,
man, I know it.
[door rattling]
[Jason] Hey, stranger.
Holy shit! Hey!
Okay.
You having trouble?
Yeah, I think the handle's like
jammed or something.
Bunk 9 is always a tricky one.
Yeah.
You just have to lift,
jiggle, and then pull.
Yeah, I'm trying.
Jiggle.
Oh, almost. May I try?
Yeah.
Oh! Show off.
Yeah, you loosened it.
I like the beard.
Oh, thank you.
I was trying, trying
something new.
Yeah.
Wait, why did you come back?
Well, John and Kathy needed
extra help, so yeah.
I don't really see why
it's such a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'm just surprised
because last year
you said you weren't
coming back.
Right, but --
And you were like crying.
I don't think I was crying.
You were definitely crying.
You were, like, sobbing.
You gave that "end of an era"
speech.
Okay, but the point
is, like, I'm back
and I'm better than ever.
So how are you? How,
how have you been?
Good, pretty good.
I started seeing someone.
Ooh. Romance for Claire!
Right.
- I love it.
Yeah, he broke my heart.
Oh, yikes. I'm sorry.
It's fine. It was, like,
three weeks ago, so --
It's still fresh.
Yeah, I don't...
Yeah, I guess.
Huh.
Yeah, I wasn't going
to come back either,
but I thought it might
be good to, like,
get away for a while.
Yeah, perfect place
to clear your head,
get him out of your mind, erase
him from your memory.
Totally. Yeah, right.
Why did you guys break up?
Oh, maybe we could talk
about it some other time.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- It that's cool.
Totally, totally.
Maybe I'll catch you up
on my love life.
But I hope you have
a lot of time.
Just kidding.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
So have you seen John
and Kathy?
[Claire] No.
Oh.
[Claire] I'll see you later.
- Yeah, see you soon.
John and Kathy,
where art thou?
[knocking on window]
- Hello, there!
Here's Jason!
This is the best part. I'm just
walking away now,
you know, he gave me a ticket
or whatever the fuck.
I turned around and I'm like,
"Officer, I forgot something.
I forgot to mention,
I'm a liar!" Bam!
360 kick to the face.
This guy's like --
[Jason] Guys, guys!
There's been a robbery.
What?
So the four jacks
all got together
and they decided to rob a bank.
No, no, no, no, no, no magic.
Just keep --
But these --
- No magic, man.
Jacks did --
- Stop!
Fine, let's cut straight
to the biz.
Kathy and John aren't here yet,
but they've asked me
to take over the position
of camp leader.
That's not a real position.
[Jason] So anyways,
I know a few of you are
first time counselors,
and campers arrive
in a couple of days,
so you may be
a little nervous,
but I'm a six year
veteran myself,
and if there's anything
that you need,
any questions that you have,
do not hesitate to ask. You are
in very safe hands.
Capiche?
Molly? Yes. Thank you.
What's the vegan option
for dinner tonight?
Oh, I meant more about
being a counselor,
but um, yeah. Don't worry.
I can, I can grill a mean
tofu burger.
Namaste. Thank you.
Very well.
So...
As you all know, phones
go in the basket.
[all groaning]
[Jason] I know it seems
like a bummer now,
but how refreshing is it
to get a chance
to take a break from
social media?
I mean, in this day and age --
Let's get fucked up!
[all cheering]
Let's get effed up, but let's
also remember,
the camp has very strict
policies against partying.
So just no drinking,
no smoking,
and most importantly,
no Game of Thrones
spoilers.
[talking fading away]
[door slams]
[Claire] Are you coming?
Buzzsaw by The Turtles
[splashing]
Buzzsaw
[splashing]
Ahoy.
[birds chirping]
I've heard that's a real
page turner.
Huh?
[Jason] Your book.
Are you clairvoyant as well?
No, um, unfortunately not,
but I just saw you sitting
here all alone and --
I'm not alone.
Certainly.
[splashing]
Oh!
[laughing]
Ah, Michael! You're terrible!
If it's going to be 9:42,
then just say 9:42.
I mean, don't specify
9:45 in an email
and expect me to what,
anticipate an early arrival.
And Mike's never early.
Chris?
Chris?
[Chris] Hey, Shannon.
[Shannon] Oh, hey!
[Chris] How's it going?
[sighs]
[Chris & Shannon talking
faintly]
[arrow whooshing]
Fuck.
I think the sites are off
on this, or something.
Is that possible?
Maybe.
May I?
- Yeah.
[Jason humming]
[arrow whooshing]
[Claire] Christ.
Yep. You don't win
Pineway Champion Runner Up
four years in a row without
slinging a few bows.
Oh, is that why you're back?
You want to finally win one?
No, no, no. What do you
think I am?
I don't, I don't care about
that kind of stuff.
[arrow whooshing]
Although,
I have to be this year's
favorite, right?
I mean, I don't think I've ever
heard of someone
winning runner up five years
in a row.
No, I don't think anyone's
come close.
Yeah.
Do you think it's a little
bit suspicious
that John and Kathy
aren't here yet?
Suspicious?
I mean,
they specifically asked
me to come back,
and now they're not even here.
I don't know, they'll be back
in a couple of days.
Come on, Claire.
What?
I think they're seeing if I can
run the camp without them.
Why would they do that?
Well, they have to hire
somebody new.
They can't spend every summer
here, all summer.
I mean, they have lives
outside of Pineway.
Yeah, what about you?
That's what I'm saying, I've got
to be the most qualified
person for the job.
No, I mean, like,
what about your life
outside of Pineway?
Oh.
Yeah, I don't know.
I, it was just a thought.
[Demi] So drunk I could
not hold it up.
Okay.
Do you think you could help me
with my, like, form or whatever?
[Jason] I would love to.
Totally.
Okay.
Here, take aim again, and...
Just...
Try not to think of it
as a pull back.
Try to think of it as
a push forward.
[Jason] Push forward.
[Jason] And...
Let go!
[arrow whooshing]
Yeah
Yeah
Hey.
What's up?
Is Chris seeing anyone?
I'm actually pretty busy
right now, so --
How is this busy?
Hey, Demi.
Whoa.
Is that your car, Bobby?
Yep.
[Shannon] No, no,
that's not his car.
[Demi] What?
[Shannon] It's Chris' car.
Why are you washing
Chris' car?
Why are you washing
Chris's car, Bobby?
Well, technically, it's his
step-dad's car.
[music playing faintly]
[Shannon] Okay.
[Demi] I'm gonna go.
Oh.
Cock block.
[Shannon] Ew. You know
she's dating Mike.
For now.
[Shannon] For probably
a long time.
What does he see in you?
Wait, Chris says he sees
something in me?
Oh!
Yesterday's Numbers
by Flamin' Groovies
Have you ever been alone
So long you couldn't end
Did you ever break
a heart, baby
Well, I do
Did you ever lose a friend?
Baby, I want your
love tonight
To make my head
feel light
Hey, pal.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
I just thought this summer
was going to start
a little differently.
Don't I know it.
But you know what they say,
a bad day at Pineway
is better
than a good day anywhere else.
It's a long summer,
and you're in the best
place in the world.
[Bobby] Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks, man.
My pleasure.
I'm Bobby.
What? I know.
Oh, and you are?
Seriously?
We've gone to camp together
for eight years.
Holy shit, Matt?
No! Jason.
Jason?
- Jason, Jason Hochberg.
I don't think I know you, dude.
- You definitely, absolutely do.
I was one of your bunk
counselors two years ago.
Jason.
No.
- That's fine.
That's totally fine.
You know what it is?
I got a gym membership
this past spring,
and I've been trying really
hard to lose all this weight.
So in a weird way,
the fact you don't
recognize me is actually a --
Wait, Jason.
Jason, of course.
Jason Hochberg.
No, you look pretty much
the exact same,
I just forgot you existed.
[Jason] Okay.
Wait, weren't you not going to
come back this summer?
[grill sizzling]
Ooh.
Oh.
One tofu burger, please.
Well done or bloody?
[laughs]
Just kidding.
Well, don't. That's disgusting.
Sorry. Coming right up.
[drum beat]
[birds chirping]
[Bobby] You mind if I join you?
You don't eat meat?
Me? Oh God, no.
No, people who eat meat
disgust me.
They should be slaughtered,
if you ask me.
I say that same exact
thing all the time.
I um, I had no idea
you felt like that.
Yeah, well, I try to
let my actions
speak for themselves,
you know?
Two years vegetarian and proud.
You do realize how disgusting
the dairy industry is, right?
Like, you might as well
be eating meat if you're --
[Both] -- drinking milk.
Jinx! You didn't let me finish.
Two years vegetarian
and proud,
18 months vegan and prouder.
[Ari] You couldn't wait to eat.
He literally is making
you a burger.
[Claire] Why are you
monitoring what I eat?
[whistle blows]
What is going on, everybody?
She is being wildly insensitive
to my condition.
Wait, is this true, Claire?
Of course not. I'm, like, eating
a fucking granola bar
25 feet away from you,
and you are freaking out.
By the way, it doesn't
have nuts in it, okay!
See, that's good.
No nuts.
That's like if I held a gun
to you for five minutes,
like, "Relax, Ari. Doesn't
have any bullets in it."
It's nothing like that
because one is a gun
and the other is a
stupid nut allergy.
[All] Ooh!
[Jason] Okay, she did not
mean that.
Yeah, I do.
[groans]
Twenty-six percent.
[All] What?
Kids who have allergies
are 26% more likely
to develop social anxiety
than those without.
Did you know that? Huh?
No, no, I didn't know that.
Right.
Enjoy your privilege.
[sighs]
[Bobby] It's actually so funny
that you say that
because I'm a Scorpio,
like Ryan Gosling.
Eww, I hate Scorpios.
What?
Miley, no! Don't go!
Miley!
Like Gosling.
[birds chirping]
[flies buzzing]
[whistling]
[door opening]
Mike?
Have you seen my other
lash curler?
I literally just saw it.
I'm trying to get ready
before the bonfire,
and I'm not even close.
Hello, Mike.
[thud]
[Demi groans]
[thud]
[thudding]
[Mike] So I say to him, "Hey, do
you listen to this? I'm a liar."
So you just knocked
him out,
out cold with one shot?
Yeah. I mean, like,
thank God I did,
otherwise, I'd still be in shit.
This guy knocked out
a fucking cop, bro.
Yes, that's sick.
No, it's not sick, okay.
I have a great deal of respect
for the police.
So you kicked one in the head?
I wasn't thinking, man.
I'm kind of an idiot.
No, you're not an idiot.
You kind of are, though.
I mean, you kicked a cop.
He could have shot you.
- Oh, well, this was a --
Who wants to hear
a spooky story?
Jesus Christ, Jason, Mike's
in the middle of a story, dude.
Continue. Mike, please.
I don't even remember
where I was at.
I'll just start over again.
So he reaches for
his cuffs and I say,
"I forgot to mention,
I'm a liar."
[Claire] Hey.
Ah!
Hey.
Woah, I did not
mean to scare you.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Shouldn't, like, leave
your door open.
I wanted a little...
air.
Okay.
Why aren't you with the fire?
Well, I should probably
be planning
some more group activities
for tomorrow.
Plus, I just don't really think
that they want me there.
Fuck that.
You're allowed to
have fun too,
even if you are trying
to like, be professional,
or get hired, or whatever.
You can still have fun.
Why aren't you at the bonfire?
Because they're like,
insufferable.
That's not fair. Claire!
[chuckles] Ezra's doing
monologues.
Ooh.
Mike is shitfaced.
Bobby keeps telling everyone
he's going to jump the fire
on his BMX.
What? That sounds
incredibly reckless.
He could die.
I know.
You want to come watch?
Do you think they'll have
weenies there?
What?
Do you think they'll have
weenies grilling on the --
Why aren't you saying
hot dogs?
It's much more fun
to say weenies.
What's wrong?
It's nothing.
Too much tongue?
- No.
Not enough tongue?
No. No.
Oh, okay, great.
Are you going to maybe tell
Bobby about this?
[exhales]
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I think I will.
- Yeah, I figured.
Wait, he's my best friend,
Shannon.
No, I know he's your
best friend,
but like, he's also
kind of an asshole.
Oh, no, no, no, he just,
he just looks and acts like one.
Come on, you got this.
It's just fire.
Man, he definitely not
doing this.
I know.
[Claire] Hurry up!
Come on, now.
Fire can't burn a dragon.
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
[All] Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Come on! Just do it, pussy!
What? Huh?
What did you just call me?
You know what?
Forget it! No!
I'm about to risk my life
for your entertainment,
and you call me a pussy.
Stunt's off!
[all booing]
You hear that, Ari?
They're booing you.
Right.
[bird calling]
I don't need you.
I won't do this.
I hate you.
[gasps]
[breathing shakily]
It's Beyond Meat.
[screaming]
[slicing]
Is someone there?
It's Mike.
Hello?
Well,
we were talking
by the fire,
and then we went
behind the bunks
and eventually snuck into
the rec room.
And?
Does head mean anything to you?
No way. She blew you?
What? No, no, no,
I blew her.
When?
We were watching Spider-Man 2
on the VCR,
and he just went down on me.
Wait, isn't that
like two hours?
And seven minutes.
How the fuck is that fair?
I've seen the movie
like 100 times.
No! What? That you
blew her first.
In nine out of every ten
straight relationships,
the woman performs
the first sexual favor
on her male partner.
How's that for unfair?
Why do you know that?
And he's studying gender studies
at school next year.
He's the perfect guy.
You're an absolute sucker, man.
[banging on door]
Hey, Chris.
Hey, man.
Bobby!
Fellas!
I'm just doing the rounds
and making sure
everybody is coolio.
I have a couple of amazing group
activities planned for tomorrow,
so try to get a good
night's rest,
and I'll see you in the morning.
Yeah, that sounds great, but
we were actually planning
on going to the rec room soon,
and I imagine we might be there
for a long time, so maybe
just count us out
of those group activities.
[door closes]
Hey, Demi. Don't you worry,
we have a lot of amazing
group activities
planned for tomorrow.
Breakfast will be served
at 8:30 sharp.
[Jason mumbling to himself]
[knocking on door]
Hey Dem, missed you
at the bonfire.
I'm just coming around,
telling everyone about
a couple of fun activities
we have planned for tomorrow.
So, breakfast is at
Hello?
[knocking on door]
Demi?
[door creaking]
I'm coming in!
Are you decent?
[Jason screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[guitar strumming]
[singing] Because she
says, "I love you"
[ Jason screaming faintly ]
Help!
She's dead!
She's dead!
I went down to Demi's bunk.
She's been killed.
[Ezra] What's going on?
- [scream]
Jason saying that
he's been killed.
[gasps]
You guys stole my fucking
murder mystery party idea,
didn't you?
No, I'm being serious!
We, we have to get out of here!
I pitched this idea
months ago, okay?
We need to get help!
We, we, we, we need
to call the police!
Jesus. All right,
go get the phones.
Oh, no!
Someone stole the phones!
Jason, you're pushing
a little bit, okay?
But I do appreciate the
dedication to this performance.
Everybody, please!
Oh, Jason.
Stop talking right now!
Demi is dead in her bunk.
We're not safe here.
We need to leave right now.
We really should not
be going back here.
Is anyone else getting peckish?
There's burgers in the kitchen.
Guys, come on.
[door creaking]
Where is she?
She was just right there.
It could be stage blood.
Definitely Demi.
[screaming]
Oh, fuck!
[screaming]
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
[screaming]
I can fit four people!
Shotgun!
[screaming]
Claire!
[screaming]
Claire!
[screaming]
Claire!
Yeah? What is it?
We need to go.
We need to go.
What the fuck?
[screaming]
Oh, fuck, Dale just got
these installed!
Fuck it, let's go. Start it!
[grunting]
Unlock the door!
[engine struggling]
Fuck! My car won't
fucking start!
The battery's dead!
Fuck, mine too!
What is happening right now?
Demi's been murdered, and
there's a killer on the loose!
What?
Nobody leaves this bunk, okay?
We're safe in here.
What about Miley?
She's still out there.
And Mike.
Oh, yeah, him too.
Fuck! They weren't
with you guys?
We're going to die!
We're all going to die!
No, we're not going to die.
We're going to be okay.
Really? Because Demi's
been slaughtered,
Mike and Miley are
probably next,
and none of us have
our phones.
What about the landline?
Yeah, there's one in
the meal hall.
Brilliant.
It's probably cut.
Whoever did this took
our cell phones,
killed our car, you don't think
they thought of that too.
Maybe they did,
but we have to try.
Fuck that. We don't
have to do shit.
If you want to try, that's
your death wish.
Don't be a dick, Ari.
You did not see
Demi's bunk, okay?
It was a bloodbath. I'm not
going back out there.
Me neither.
Fine, I'll go.
No, you can't go do that alone
because it's too dangerous.
Yeah.
It's way too dangerous,
Bobby.
Why don't you go with him?
Oh, you'd love that,
wouldn't you?
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't want to fucking
go out there.
Yeah, no one does, but
he can't go alone.
These are completely shuffled,
totally random.
Two lowest cards
come with me, okay?
Wait. Are aces high or low?
High.
- Low.
When are aces ever low?
- Cribbage.
How about if you get an ace,
you get to pick
if it's high or low?
- Who the hell would pick low?
I don't know, it's just
a thought.
Aces are high.
Okay?
[All] Three, two, one.
Queen. Yes!
Eight of clubs.
Did anyone get lower
than a three?
Miley?
Mike?
Guys?
Miley?
Mike?
Should we just go
back now
and tell them that the
phone didn't work?
Ugh, fine.
I'm just glad I packed this.
A fucking bear
didn't kill Demi.
We can't rule it out completely.
I threw a tofu burger into
the woods earlier.
A bear probably ate it and
hated the taste so much,
it decided to go for
the real thing.
Human flesh.
I'm afraid so.
What do you guys think
burgers are made of?
The line's been cut.
Oh, I've always wanted
to say that.
What, is line actually cut?
Oh, yeah. No, this thing's not
gonna work at all.
[dripping]
[screaming]
[screaming]
Help!
[ Jason screaming in the
distance ]
Jason! What happened?
- Are you okay?
Where is everyone?
I don't know.
We were in the meal hall
looking for the phone.
Did it work?
No, but then Ari --
Got attacked by a bear.
No, what?
Shut the fuck up.
Just let him finish.
He opened the fridge. Miley's
head was in there.
Next thing I know, they're
sprinting away.
I didn't know what to do,
so I just ran back
as fast as I could.
I thought they'd
come back too.
Maybe they still will.
[owl hooting]
We're going to be all right.
John and Kathy
will be here soon,
and they're going
to call for help.
What are we going
to do until then?
Stay in here.
Fuck.
I knew I should have packed
my nunchucks.
Oh, so now it's not a bear?
- I don't know, Shannon.
No one knows what we're
dealing with here.
I know how we can
get some answers.
Okay.
Everybody join hands together.
We're going to bless the board.
I'd like to sit this one out,
if that's okay.
Everyone in the room has
to be holding hands.
Oh, then I'll leave the room.
[Chris] What's up, man?
I don't fuck with ghost shit.
Do you fuck with getting
brutally murdered outside?
That's kind of a
loaded question.
Just grab someone's hand.
[Bobby] Fine. Can I at least sit
between two chicks?
Hello, spirits.
We are not here to hurt you.
We just want to talk.
All spirits are welcome.
Oh! Whoa! Maybe
not all spirits.
Quiet!
Ezra is with us.
I call upon you, Ezra.
I'm going to ask a yes
or no question.
Are you dead?
- That's a bit of a softball.
Shh.
Let him answer.
Yes.
Who did this to you?
I.
D.
E.
K.
He doesn't even know.
Wait, I, I sense
a new spirit here.
Demi.
Oh my God.
Demi, who killed you?
[slamming]
Ghost!
[screaming]
[whimpering]
Help! Help me!
Fuck you, bitch!
Who the fuck --
[groaning]
[grunting]
[muffled screaming]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, please, please,
please, please.
No! Stop!
Stop! No!
Help!
[muffled screaming]
[screaming]
[sobbing]
Ezra, are you okay?
No! Do I look okay? I can't see.
I've been blinded.
I'm so sorry, dude! I thought
you were the killer.
You screamed, "Ghost."
I didn't know for sure.
Fuck you, Bobby!
[bird calling]
[Claire] What happened?
Where were you?
Well, when I saw Miley's
decapitated head
flop over in the fridge,
I suppose my survival
instincts kicked in.
I closed my eyes and ran
to the one place
that I've always felt safe,
the theater.
But as I was lying there
alone in the dark,
under the boards,
it came to me.
What came to you?
The identity of the killer.
The killer isn't some
deranged woodsman
or psychiatric hospital escapee.
The killer is someone
that we all know,
someone who waited
for the perfect opportunity
to exact their revenge.
The killer is...
Jason.
What?!
Jason Hochberg,
he's the killer.
No, no, no!
Wait, wait!
Ah!
What the fuck?
Claire, stay back!
He's the killer.
I'm not!
Are too!
Ow!
- Get off of him!
You're the one who
took our phones.
Yeah!
It's camp policy.
And you're the one that
found Demi's body.
Yeah!
That was a coincidence.
And you're like
forty-fucking-five,
and you still go to
summer camp.
[All] Yeah!
I'm only 24.
Save it for the jury!
[Claire] Get off of him!
Claire, enough.
He clearly hates himself,
so he snapped and started
killing off the hottest
counselors.
Wait. What? Timeout.
We don't know that.
That's subjective.
No, we do. It's obvious.
You guys are fucking insane.
I agree with Claire. He's
definitely killing at random.
I'm not killing at all.
He's not the killer.
Yes, he is.
I've got nothing but weird
energy from him
ever since we got here.
You get weird vibes from me?
Are you kidding me?
If anyone's a killer,
it's probably her!
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't bring Noelle
into this, okay?
She's a fucking sweetheart.
Apologize to Noelle right now.
I'm sorry. Noelle,
I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean that at all.
But guys, you're making
a huge mistake here.
I'm not a killer.
I'm, Ja --
[muffled screaming]
Okay.
If he doesn't break soon,
we're going to have
to torture him.
I agree.
[muffled screaming]
Now...
You're gonna tell me where
you hid the phones?
[muffled screaming]
Okay, okay, I see how it is.
You'll be talking soon enough.
[muffled screaming]
Hey, Bobby, you coming?
I want to keep an eye on Jason.
Good call.
Do you want anything,
like a snack or something?
Water would be great, actually.
Water? Great.
Jason, anything?
[muffled screaming]
Suit yourself.
[sighs] There are like no good
torture weapons in here.
Can we look for milk
or something?
I can't see anything.
There's water.
Hey! Single use plastics
are the real killers.
[Chris] Shannon, where do they
keep the glasses?
[muffled talking]
Did I ever say something
to you,
did I do something that
made me deserve this?
Jason went nuts,
started killing all
the hot kids,
but I wasn't one of them.
How is that supposed to
make someone feel?
Demi makes sense,
Miley, I understand.
But, Mike, what?
Wrong place, wrong time?
I guess he has a nice body,
but it's mostly genetic.
I mean, I'm an ectomorph,
which means that it's --
[thud]
[thud]
Let's get out of here.
What are you doing? They'll
be back any second.
Yeah, so I'm fucking
untying you.
Ow!
- Did I hurt you?
No, no. Just because be careful
around my rib bones.
Don't say ow f I didn't
hurt you.
Wait, did I make you that one?
The green and yellow one.
Yeah, you gave me that
two summers ago.
You kept it?
Of course.
Oh, no, no. I got it.
We should go.
- Yeah.
Okay, let's go!
- Okay.
Hey, what the fuck?
What's happening?
Jason and Claire are
running away!
What? We didn't even
torture you yet.
Fuck you guys.
No, not cool, guys.
But I brought waters!
Oh, goddamn it!
How'd they get past Bobby?
[glass shatters]
Fine! Stay dehydrated!
Sorry, guys. I'll go get more.
Okay.
Poor Claire.
No, I tried to warn her.
But I mean, she's going
to be okay, right?
Please, he's probably chopping
her up as we speak.
Ezra.
What? He cut Miley's head off.
Like off.
There's just no knowing the
depths of that man's evil.
I just hope everybody's okay.
Claire, maybe we should go back.
We can explain ourselves.
They're getting ready
to torture you.
And they probably feel terrible
about that now.
I bet they're really
embarrassed.
No, I don't think that they are.
But they know I'm
not the killer.
Shannon said it herself.
What are you talking about?
I overheard her saying
that she didn't think
I was capable of doing
something like that.
Physically. Like she didn't
think that you
could physically do that.
Oh.
Yeah, she didn't think that you
could overpower anyone.
Right.
It just doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I was lying there
unconscious,
practically begging
for him to kill me,
and he didn't even
lay a finger on me.
I mean, am I that ugly to him?
You know, I wouldn't take
it personally, dude.
He's a sick, sick man,
and if he had any taste,
he would have killed you
a long time ago.
Thanks, man.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
We should be out there
looking for our phones.
Wrong. We should be waiting
for John and Kathy.
No. Well, we don't know how
long that's going to be.
What, you want to wait until
tomorrow afternoon?
Tomorrow night?
What if they don't make
it at all tomorrow?
Then what happens
to your genius plan?
Nobody knows that shit
went fucking haywire.
[clattering]
Oh, sorry.
You're making me nervous.
Shannon's right.
We can't keep sitting here
doing nothing.
Yeah.
Let's go find the phones.
I just can't believe Bobby
didn't even recognize me at all.
Pineway champion runner up
four years in a row,
and he had no clue who I was.
Like, does he not even look
at the bottom of the frames?
- Shh!
What?
This looks familiar.
Okay, then why do I
have to be quiet?
Oh, I know that tree.
You know that tree?
Yeah.
- What do you mean?
That's Make Out Point.
Ma -- yeah.
Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.
Make Out, yeah, this is
Make Out Point.
You've never been here before?
No, I've been here. Yeah.
It's just, At first, it looked
a little different is all.
It's actually, it's crazy how
much this foliage
changes over the
course of a year.
Mm-hmm.
I'm surprised that
you've been here.
You're surprised?
No, not surprised. I mean,
I'm impressed, is what I --
Not, I don't mean to impressed,
like, you know.
I just mean like you probably
come here all the time
or not all the time.
I mean, normal time.
Like, you come here
like, when it's like,
a good amount, like it's,
like --
No, you're right, I like, I
practically live here.
[chuckling]
Jason?
[door creaking]
[door closing]
[Ezra] Guys, has anyone
found anything?
I'm starting to get freaked out.
[gasps]
Finally!
[thud]
[thudding]
[flies buzzing]
[Claire] Is that...?
[Jason] It's John and Kathy.
Come on, we have to go.
Jason, we have to go.
We have to go back.
What the fuck are
you talking about?
We have to get help.
They where the help.
Everyone thinks that they'll
be there tomorrow.
Right? Which is why
we need to go,
and we need to go
get the police.
It's 30 miles of forest, we
won't make that.
We have no choice.
What are we supposed to do?
Like we go back there
and do what?
We have to try.
Just stop! Be real with yourself
for one second, okay?
If we go back there,
we are going to die.
Then you go.
You go.
Try and get help.
I just, I can't.
I can't leave them.
They like think that
you were the killer.
They were about
to torture you.
Yeah, but they're
just scared.
They don't mean that.
No, they are assholes. You don't
owe them anything.
You don't owe them your life.
I'm supposed to be camp leader.
Yeah, you made that up.
That doesn't mean it's not true.
Just stay with me.
Please?
I'm sorry.
[ Demi speaking faintly ]
Noelle?
Oh, my God.
You guys are alive!
Guys, get in here!
This is amazing!
[Shannon] I can't believe
you guys are alive.
Jason told us that
he killed you.
Wait, what?
Jason told you that
he killed us?
No, he said that you
were dead.
But then we found out
that he's the killer.
Which is why we
decided to kill him.
What, you killed Jason?
No, he got away.
Where'd he go?
Into the woods.
[whistling]
I'm just really glad that
you guys are okay.
Me too.
Mm-hmm.
What the fuck is going on?
Why do they think it's Jason?
Hey, I can't focus when
you look this good.
Are you kidding me?
Can you keep it in your pants
for, like, five minutes?
The plan is going to shit.
Babe, relax. We're fine.
I mean, I know it's not
what you wanted,
but maybe it's not
the worst idea
we blame it on him.
Ow!
- Shh!
I knew you were going to
bitch out! I fucking knew it.
I'm not bitching out.
We killed them to get famous and
you want to turn back now?
I'm not gonna let Jason
get all the credit
for my hard work.
I know, I know, but I've
been thinking about it,
and I don't want to spend the
rest of my life in a jail cell.
I want to be with you.
Okay, cute. And I don't
want to spend
the rest of my life as
a fucking nobody.
As a... babe.
Think about what would happen
if we did blame him.
The young, hot couple
survives a serial killer.
We'd be huge.
Okay, fuck it. Let's do it.
Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
Okay, but we have
to kill them all.
We'll figure something out.
I am not competing
for camera coverage.
[grunt]
[door slams open]
All right, here's the plan.
We're going to sit tight
and wait for help
to arrive in the morning.
We'll all take turns keeping
watch all night.
And if we stick together,
everything's going
to be okay.
Now, this angel over here
had a great idea to leave
a little video behind,
just in case things
go sideways.
Demi, babe, take it away.
[chuckles]
Hey, guys, it's Demi.
Tonight something really
fucked up happened.
This guy named Jason freaked out
and started killing everyone.
He killed Miley,
probably Noelle and Ari too.
You think you know
someone, you know?
I knew it was him
from the start.
Jason Hochberg is a demented
individual.
He is vile, monstrous,
despicable and --
Scary. Jason's a really
scary guy.
Yeah, I had a, I had a few
close calls with the guy.
Real psycho.
He kept saying that there was
no reason behind the attacks.
He really wanted
everyone to know
that they were totally random.
Okay, great.
Thanks, guys. I think we have
everything we need.
Mike?
Can you see anything?
No, it's getting really scary.
I wish we had night
vision goggles.
Dude. I feel like I say
that all the time.
Me too.
Mike?
[crashing]
[grunt]
My mistress with
a monster is in love.
Near to her close and to
consecrated bower,
while she was in her dull
and sleeping hour,
a crew of patches,
rude mechanicals
who work for bread upon
Athenian stalls.
Was that good?
Rude mechanicals who work for
bread upon Athenian stalls,
intended for great Theseus'
nuptial-day.
The shallowest --
wait, no, no, no, no, no.
Were met together to
rehearse a play
intended for great Theseus'
nuptial-day.
Ezra!
What?
Run! Run! Jason's behind you!
What? Where?
Left!
Stage left?
I don't even know
what that means!
[cracking]
[screaming]
[thud]
[thud]
[screaming]
We need to get the
fuck out of here.
Shannon's still in there.
Chris, we need to
leave right now.
I gotta go, man.
She's the one.
Way too soon.
Sometimes you just know.
I'll meet you back outside.
You're a fool, Christian.
Shannon?
[door closes]
[door opens]
[clattering]
Oh!
[Both] Where's Chris?
I thought he was with you.
- He went back to get you.
Fuck!
He's gonna die in there. We have
to go back and get him.
Jason.
Jason.
[slap]
Oh!
Oh, good, you're awake.
[muffled screaming]
Right, because the whole [makes
choking sound] thing.
Yeah, I just couldn't have
anyone wondering where I was.
If I take off the gag, do you
promise not to freak out?
I need you to tell me
where Claire is.
[muffled speaking]
Help! Help me!
No one can hear you.
Help!
Oh, God.
Oh, that's so bad.
There's so much blood.
Shannon, there's
so much blood.
Will you shut the fuck up?
- Oh, fuck, this is bad.
That's so much worse than I
thought I was gonna be.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
Chris will be fine.
No, no, what are you doing,
you fucking idiot?
We have to get Chris now!
- I don't want to get Chris.
He could be anywhere, and
Jason's right there.
[slap]
Oh!
Pull your shit together.
Fuck it, I'll go --
- Fine, wait!
I'm gonna go in,
but before I do
I just want to say that you
probably don't deserve him.
Oh, fuck you!
- No.
But I definitely don't
deserve him.
I don't. At least you
got a chance.
I'll handle the killer.
You just get Chris,
and you both get out of here.
No.
- Yes.
No, Bobby.
- I don't want to hear it.
It's what I have to do.
It's suicide.
Why would you say that?
- What did I say?
It's suicide. I'm trying to
hype myself up
to have this big,
heroic moment,
and now I'm really
second guessing myself.
Sorry.
It's fine.
Just think next time before you
say something like that.
Hey, fuckface!
Wassup?
Fuck!
Chris?
Chris, where are you?
Chris.
Shannon, I'm up here.
Chris, why the fuck did you get
into the castle? Let's go!
Spot me.
- Come on, come on, let's go.
Ah, oh!
You okay?
You came back for me.
Well, yeah, I wasn't going
to let you die.
Okay, let's go.
I love you.
[Shannon] What?
Nothing. Nothing, yeah.
Let's go.
[grunting]
[grunting]
[glass shattering]
Where's Jason?
That's not Jason,
you fucking idiot!
[Mike] Jason's probably
already dead.
Oh, fuck, Mike.
- Mike?
Oh, you miss me?
[Bobby] No, you classically
handsome piece of shit.
Claire, get out of here.
Go find Jason. I'll deal
with this asshole.
[thud]
Demi, what are you doing?
I know you. This isn't you.
[crying] You're right.
It's, it's Mike.
Mike's making me do this.
I don't, I don't want to.
Oh, my God. My hormonal
female brain,
it can't think for itself.
I'm so indecisive.
And thank god a strong man
came along
and convinced me
to murder people.
Are you fucking kidding me?
[Jason] What?
You think that Mike made
me kill people?
No one can make me
do anything.
Bitch!
Oh.
[thud]
[clattering]
[groaning]
Ow! Fucking bitch!
Oh!
[crashing]
[groaning]
Shit!
Come here.
[thud]
[groaning]
Ah, fuck!
[slamming]
Oh, come on!
[grunting]
[grunting]
[crashing]
[groaning]
[wheezing]
[gasping]
[grunt]
Why are you doing this to me?
Why frame me?
Why me?
[Demi] Why? Why? Why?
[spits]
Eww, Jason!
So pathetic.
Don't get mad at me.
Get mad at them.
They're the ones that
blamed it on you.
I was supposed to get
all the credit.
Are you kidding me?
Do you even know how long it
took me to plan everything?
I've been fantasizing about
killing you fucking losers
for years.
I'm honestly a little
jealous of you.
You're going to be even
more famous than me.
You're so lucky.
[door slams open]
Don't fucking move!
[groans]
[glass shattering]
[groaning]
Come here.
[All] Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby.
Ah, fuck!
The fuck?
Oh, you fucking bitch!
Oh!
Ah! Oh!
Fuck you!
[grunt]
Ah!
[grunting]
[thudding]
[grunting]
[thudding]
[laughs]
Oh, what the fuck? Are you
fucking hard right now?
Shut the fuck up!
The fuck?
- Don't fucking look at that.
Look away!
[Bobby] Okay!
Look the fuck away!
I'm not looking!
This isn't even for you, man.
[Bobby] Okay.
Shut the fuck up, man,
you will never get it.
You will never fucking
understand.
Do you know how good pussy
is after killing someone?
What?
[growls]
Do you know how
good pussy is
after fucking killing someone?
Is it that much better?
[thud]
Fuck, dude, that sounds
fucking dope.
I get it, man, I fucking
get it.
So fucking help me with
something, man.
I could, like, be your guys
third or something.
[thud]
Not like that. I didn't
mean it like that.
I won't fucking touch you, man.
I would never fucking dream
of doing that. I'm just gonna
fucking clean up the bodies
and fucking mop up the floor.
[thud]
And if it gets really
fucking horny,
is what I'm saying, I'll fucking
rub one out or something.
It doesn't matter.
- What the fuck?
Don't fucking kill me, Mike.
[thud]
- Shut up.
Mike, I forgot to mention...
I'm a liar.
[gasps]
[thud]
[gasping & coughing]
Put the knife down.
I said don't move, I will
slit his throat.
No! It's over, Claire.
You have to let her kill me.
What?
No.
You were right.
Everyone was right.
I shouldn't be here.
I mean, look at me. I'm
a grown ass man
who still goes to summer camp.
You have to move on.
You have to push forward.
Push forward.
It's time to let go.
Let go, Claire.
Claire.
Let go!
[screaming]
[thud]
Hi, are you okay?
Nice shot.
Yeah, just glad you're okay.
Are you wearing eyeshadow?
Fucking bitch!
[screaming]
[thud]
Whoa.
Oh, fuck, Bobby.
[children singing] Let's all
go to PIneway
Fun times at
Camp Pineway
Through the trees,
and to the lake
Songs we sing, and
friends we make
Every morning
as we wake up
Pineway is the best
[groaning]
I'm sorry I forgot who
you were earlier.
That's okay.
I knew you weren't the killer.
Actually, that's not true. I
thought you might have been
the killer for a second there,
but I didn't know Mike
was still in the picture.
That's okay.
Here.
[groans loudly]
I want you to have this.
Wow.
Thank you.
But why did you do that?
That's really dangerous.
You're never supposed
to pull out a blade.
Shh.
You deserve it.
Bobby, you need to put
pressure on that.
Like, seriously. Here.
Hand up, please.
Good.
- Alright.
When people ask about me,
tell them that I died
a hero's death.
You're not going to
die from this.
Yes, I am.
No, actually, tell them
they killed me first
because I was hot.
Bobby, you're not going
to die from this.
The wound's only like
two inches deep.
Wow.
- Yeah.
Well, it's the thought
that counts.
Listen, it's been a crazy night,
and it made me realize that
after almost dying --
Chris, it's --
- I don't love you.
I mean, I like you a lot,
and I really care about you,
it just, I don't love you. I
mean, maybe down the line --
I don't love you either.
That'd be fucking insane.
Yeah, that'd be fucking insane.
You're right.
You're totally right.
But you do like me,
though, right?
Yes, idiot.
Hey.
You all right?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for coming back.
Oh, yeah. I knew you'd
be fucked without me.
Is Bobby going to be okay?
Don't worry, this isn't
my blood.
This is Mike's blood.
I beat him.
Yeah.
- Good job.
Actually, a good amount of it
is my blood too.
Yeah.
He'll be, he'll be fine.
That's good.
So I figure next year,
I'm really gonna have to take on
more responsibility here.
It'll be a publicity nightmare,
for sure,
but if we could spin it
the right way --
Jason.
I'm kidding.
[chuckling]
I'm just fucking with you.
I'm, you know, fucking
with you, bro.
Eww, don't call me bro.
[chuckling]
So what are you going to do now?
Good Times by Eric Burdon
& The Animals
When I think of all the good
times that I've wasted
Having good times
When I think of all the good
time that's been wasted
Having good times
When I was drinkin'
I should have been thinking
When I was fighting
I could've done
the right thing
All of that boozin'
I was really losin'
Good times
Good times
When I think of all the good
times that's been wasted
Having good times
When I think of all the good
times that's been wasted
Having good times
All of my lying
I remember her crying
My useless talkin'
I could've been walkin'
Instead of complaining
I could've been gainin'
Good times
Yes, here we are all
having a jolly good time
And everything is
working out fine
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha