Here Comes the Groom (2023) Movie Script
1
"Oh Lord, You are my God."
"I will find You in good time."
"My soul yearns for You."
"My flesh craves You
in a dry and barren
land stripped of water."
Response.
My soul yearns for You, Oh Lord.
"And so I looked towards Your sanctuary
to marvel at Your might and majesty."
You who cleanses
The world of its sins
Have mercy
Have mercy
On us
Have mercy
Have mercy on us
Why does it have to be in a resort?
They can get married here.
There's nothing we can do.
That's Yumi's dream wedding.
Just let them be.
Mom, Dad, let's honor the sanctity
of the sacrament of marriage.
A wedding should be held in church.
Then have the reception in the resort.
Don't worry, dear. When it's your turn,
you get to choose.
- Pa, stop kidding around.
- Ma.
Dad.
The reverend said yes.
He will do it despite the distance
and he will even spend the night.
Great! See, everything is settled.
Junior, why not get married here?
If it were up to me, I'd marry Yumi
in every church there is.
Only that would be a problem.
Why is that, Dad?
It's costly!
Isn't the reverend so gracious?
Did you know that he led
my confirmation rites?
And he also baptized Blesilda.
So, it's just right that he will marry us.
Come here.
I love you!
I love you! I love you!
I love you my love!
- Love, someone might see us!
- I can't wait to marry you!
Someone might see, come on!
So what?
In a few days,
we will be married, my love!
We can do everything we want.
Without the guilt, without the remorse,
without the fear of,
to quote your little sister,
"burning in hell."
I'm sorry about my sister's behavior.
Blesilda's goal is to become
the first Filipina saint.
No worries, my love.
I know it's going to be worth the wait.
It's going to be
worth the long, long wait.
Wait, we may burn in hell
while inside the church grounds.
So be it!
Neshama sheli, Yumi.
Neshama sheli, my love.
- Hey Yumi! Junior!
- Auntie!
Enough with the flirting.
- As if we can't see you.
- Yes, Mom.
Come on, let's go home.
Okay, Mom.
Bye.
I love you!
I love you! I love you!
Bro!
- Hey!
- Are you headed home?
Would you want us to...?
No, its fine.
I wanted to invite you for coffee.
I need to tell you something.
Let's have coffee another time.
Never mind. Let's just do it next time.
Hey, thanks a lot.
For what?
For being so supportive for Yumi and I.
And for being my best man.
It's nothing. Don't mention it.
I'm always here for you.
I mean, for both of you.
You witnessed our love story.
I hope we will be together 'til the end.
Junior, your Aunt Joy just confirmed.
What did she say?
As my cousin
and your soon-to-be godmother,
she'll take care of the roasted pig.
Nice!
She's also asking if you want live music.
Isn't it too much to have a band?
What the point of her being
the town chairwoman then?
Can't we just keep it simple?
Something solemn and more in God's favor.
You're such a killjoy.
It's not every day
someone gets married in this family.
It will be the only wedding.
I am not getting married.
You have not allowed me to become a nun.
My child, let's just talk about that
some other time.
Let's finish the wedding first.
I'm just saying we each have our calling.
Your dad and I are not ready
to become empty nesters.
But we won't be empty nesters.
By next year, we'll have a grandchild.
Then it's like we have our own baby again.
Wait up. Junior, are you sure
you haven't done it with Yumi?
That would be a disgrace.
Seriously.
Stop the malice. We're not like that.
Hebrews Chapter 13 Verse 4,
"Marriage should be honored by all
and the marriage bed kept pure,
for God will judge the adulterer
and the sexually immoral."
Hey! Do you want us dead?!
Kill you? Can't it be just an accident?
I'm very sorry.
Sorry? You're going to get us killed!
Calm down, Papshie. I apologize.
Hey! Don't you dare call me Papshie.
No one got hurt right?
Is everyone still breathing?
- Now that's just rude!
- He's gay! He is.
Hello, Momshie! Are you alright?
If you want to die, die alone.
Spare the rest of us.
Problem is you're a faggot
and a stupid driver at that!
You're too much of a freak!
Enough with the hurtful words!
Is sorry not enough?
Harsh words are unnecessary.
What do you want?
You want war? I'll give you war!
Faggots!
Pests! You are cursed!
You have it worse!
Your wife looks like the heel of a shoe.
Screw you!
- Wait
- Heh!
- Hey!
- That was your fight! Why am I involved?
Hey!
- Bravo!
- Amazing!
You were an action star, Mother.
Even before the father could talk,
our mother lashed out at them!
Mother, I was waiting for your cue.
I was ready to face them
and smack the bejesus out of them!
That was so crazy.
- Got me shaking. I really was!
- Calm down.
There. That's why.
No wonder we get into trouble.
Are you drunk, Mother?
Buzzed is different from drunk.
Mind your looks.
We're late. Be ready to go.
There's no dinner?
Really? You still want dinner?
At that rate, your gown will not fit.
Whitney, be useful and retouch my face.
You need to win later.
If you don't, our electricity will be cut.
I'm on a winning streak.
Tell that to them.
Yeah right. You do win
but if not second, then third place.
- If not third, you place second.
- Enough.
It's annoying.
Whilhelmina, what stupidity is that again?
- Her love life, what else?
- Love you.
Hey, I said I love you.
You see what you did to me?
Look what you did!
Babe, I just need it right now.
Just send it to me. I'll wait, okay?
Alright? Okay?
What will I send you?
Did I go on stage?
Did I win anything?
How can I win when I look like this?
I'll pick you up, okay?
Let's have some beef stew in Tagaytay.
Then let's stay overnight.
You'll like that!
Come on. Tell me where you are.
No.
Use some concealer. Stop being a martyr.
Where is that?
- This?
- Yes.
- Have some tissue, sis.
- Thank you, girl.
Welcome.
What now, girl? Are we done with my eyes?
- I'm on it. Stay still.
- Is it even?
I'm trying. Hold on.
- There!
- Let me see.
You call this even?!
Sis, I tried. Maybe
your face is the problem.
How dare you!
That was harsh.
Whitney, here's the money.
Buy some bread.
They don't even have food here.
Then buy some gin.
Don't tell Wanda, okay?
Yes, Mother.
Mother, please give me a shot.
My high-risk number
for the talent portion is so ready.
Watch...
Yes!
Boogsh!
Split!
And another one!
See how good I am?
Alright. If it makes
you happy, you can join.
I'll talk to the organizer later, okay?
Do you have a costume?
I have! My sisters' hand-me-downs.
Okay. But don't expect too much.
Of course, Mother!
Just being on stage is fine.
Okay. Go now and come back quickly.
- That's a promise, Mother.
- Yes it is.
- Promise?
- Yes!
Okay. Alright!
You really want to sabotage me!
How should I know you chose red?
Take that off. I said take it off!
You change your outfit!
I have nothing else.
But I saw you and your hideous outfits!
Many hanging clothes!
Then why should I adjust?
That's your problem.
You can't both be in red
during the introduction.
And you're both in feathers too!
Don't you have anything else Winona?
Mother, why should I adjust?
You're playing favorites with Wanda again.
Blah! Blah! Too much drama.
Who cares if we both wear red?
Even if you wear
all the colors of the rainbow,
you will end up a loser.
What did you say?
Say that again!
A loser, a flop
Here! Hold these teasing combs.
Stab each other to death!
Such a nuisance.
Can't help being beautiful.
Thank you, Contestant Number 4!
Now, for a very special number,
let's all welcome Contestant Number 2!
She even has those moves!
Wow!
Whilhelmina!
- Fierce right?
- Mina!
Baby!
Axel, what are you doing here?
Didn't I tell you I'd stop by?
Give me a kiss
How did you find us?
Winona texted me.
Hold up. Is that her on stage?
What's her talent?
Wild!
Get going, babe. Let's just talk later.
Oh wow. Aren't you something?
The concealer hasn't even worked
on her bruises yet,
and you're back to do more damage!
Girl! Just stay out of it.
Don't involve yourself.
I'll take care of this.
I'm just here to get something.
Why don't I feel welcome here?
Why not give me money
for the motorcycle so I can leave?
I traveled far and for what?
Babe.
Go on. Leave!
What's your problem?
Your friend is a jerk. Horrible attitude.
All you bring is bad luck.
You're just using my friend.
I thought you were splitting up?
Stop it, please!
Babe, let's just talk later.
No wonder you've changed.
He is putting things in your head!
You're just envious, Wanda.
You don't have a boyfriend like me
And sadly no one will like you.
Because you're ugly with no money!
Axel!
It's true!
What? What did you say to me?
What's your problem?!
You know what, let's just go.
I've had enough Axel, you know that?
Wanda! Axel! Stop it!
Don't hurt my friend! Get away!
Run! Run!
- Axel, please just go!
- Ouch!
Sorry, I didn't mean it.
You witch, you're really out to get me!
See? Is that hard to understand?
I haven't won anything yet!
Just leave!
You're ruining the contest!
Stop it!
Why are they even here?
Call the guards! Call the police!
They're wasting our time!
You scum! Garbage!
Let's talk.
Who do you think you are?
You witch!
You want some of this? Here!
Mother, let me.
I don't want this anymore.
Enough!
You really hurt me.
I said I have nothing.
Whatever! I don't care.
I'm glad the wedding didn't fall
on the day of the solar eclipse.
There are so many superstitions
associated with it.
Like what, Mom?
People say that during a solar eclipse
many evil spirits roam in our midst.
And that's not all.
Food randomly perishes!
That's crazy.
If the wedding was today,
catering would be a disaster.
Belief in these things goes against
the first commandment.
"You shall not have other gods before Me."
Come on.
It's just for fun.
But, Mom, they're just
random things old people say.
But, Mom, it's like saying that amulets,
eclipses, and black cats
are more powerful than the will of God.
We're just joking around.
Regardless, you're
empowering wrong beliefs.
What if other people hear you? Children,
or the uninitiated, or the unenlightened.
Okay, fine. We apologize, Mother Superior.
Let us pray instead to Nuestra Seora
de la Paz y Buen viaje for safe travels.
Let us put ourselves
in the presence of God.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit... Amen.
Mother Wendy, this gig is so far.
Do we get out-of-town rates for this?
Enough of that nonsense.
Did you contribute for gas?
Sorry. I was just asking.
Look at the eclipse. It's stunning.
Whitney!
- What?
- Watch the eclipse, it's pretty.
Eclipse.
- Wow! It's so fabulous.
- Hey, my hair! Close the window!
I said shut it!
Oh my gosh. It's
my first time outside the city.
I thought it was your first time
away from your cave.
Oh.
Is it still far?
Somewhat.
I'm bored.
What do you suggest?
Pray the rosary?
Sounds good.
Let's do the novena.
That's a joke.
How about we sing a song?
Okay!
Junior, what song would we sing
as kids while traveling?
"If You're Happy and You Know It."
If youre happy
And you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy
And you know it, laugh out loud
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, laugh out loud
Ha! Ha! Ha!
It's so boring and so remote!
Hey, Whitney! Find the playing cards.
- Cards? Here, Mother.
- I'm so bored.
Do you want to join?
- I'm in.
- Fine, sure.
The two of us can't play alone.
You idiot.
If youre happy
And you know it, clap your hands
If youre happy
And you know it, clap your hands
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, clap your hands
Boom! Flushes.
Full house!
Savage!
Game over. Four of a kind!
Royal flush!
Don't you dare.
- Yes! Go girl.
- You losers!
Shuffle it, you loser.
- Oh, you're doing it?
- What did you say?!
Loser! Flop. Dud. Take your pick.
Say that again! Take it back!
Take this!
Mother Wendy!
If youre happy
And you know it, shake your hips
If youre happy
And you know it, shake your hips
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, shake your hips
Hit her girl! Smack her!
You might
Settle down!
Mother Wendy!
If youre happy
And you know it, honor Him
Praise the Lord!
If youre happy
And you know it, honor Him
Hallelujah!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, honor Him
Amen!
You can't do that, Mother!
Quit it, you queens!
What now?
We lost our breaks!
Honor Him!
Hallelujah!
Help!
Call an ambulance!
- I don't know the number!
- You're useless!
Oh, my god!
- Help!
- Help!
- Please help us!
- Please rescue us! Please!
They won't wake up!
Help! Oh God! Somebody please help!
Help! Help!
- Lord, please help us! Please help us!
- Somebody help us please!
- Move!
- Out of the way!
- Chairwoman Joy is here! Out of the way!
- Where is it?
Please, make way.
Move to the side.
- We're here. Check that area.
- Make way!
Move it!
Please stay on the sides.
- Oh my goodness!
- Please make way!
- Cousin!
- Joy!
Cousin!
My gosh, what happened?
Oh, no!
Doctor said their vital signs are good.
That's good.
They were shaken, probably whiplash.
- Oh.
- Hold on.
Don't worry too much.
They'll be up and about soon.
Everything will be fine.
Wait.
Let's check Blesilda. She might be up.
Okay. Where is she?
Here, this way.
Cousin, thanks again.
For checking on us despite your schedule.
It's nothing.
You are my guests.
And that's my number one priority.
Peace and order.
I rushed here as soon as
I learned what happened.
Those gays must be charged.
Drunk driving! Look what happened.
That's what I am about to ask you.
Can you spare the gays for me?
I need them for the contest tonight.
My constituents are expecting them.
If they get detained,
I'll run out of gays.
Alright. I get it now, it's fine.
I won't have them arrested.
Thanks for understanding, cousin.
I need to keep my constituents happy.
I want them to feel that I care.
Come on now.
Do you have plans to run for mayor?
Don't be silly.
Why else am I doing this?
I need to be on their good side.
Is it clear?
- All clear.
- Yes, ma'am.
Let's do this to be fair.
Make the gays cover the expenses
for repairs and doctor's fees.
There is a cash prize.
Just deduct it then.
Okay, that's doable.
But they should win first.
Our town has very high standards.
Doctor, how's my son Junior?
He's fine.
Thank you Lord, Hallelujah!
To play safe, have tests
done at the hospital.
Maybe after the wedding.
Thank you very much.
They'll all be awake in a while.
Cousin, I need to get back to the office.
My staff are already looking for me.
I'll just see you tomorrow at the wedding.
Wait up, I'll walk you out.
- Doctor, I will be back.
- Yes, thank you, doctor.
Sure.
Again, thank you very much.
Is your outfit for tomorrow ready?
Yes, I fitted my gown last night.
- You had a fitting?
- Obviously.
- Bye!
- Bye!
Unit 2, Unit 2. Vehicle ready?
- Vehicle ready?
- Roger, sir.
Everyone calm down. Don't push each other.
Chairwoman Joy is on the move! Make way!
- Move!
- Move aside!
Are they alive?
They are.
But, Mother...
If I don't eat, I will die ahead of them.
Where is their food?
What kind of a gig is this?
Fine! Just wait. I'll see what I can do.
You're such a pain.
- Clear whatever's in the way.
- Yes, Chairwoman.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Unit 3, the eagle has landed.
Secure the facility!
Chairwoman.
How did it go? Did they agree?
Things have been settled.
No case will be filed.
Good thing no one was hurt.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Good thing the woman is my cousin.
Thank you very much.
Good thing I'm their wedding sponsor.
- Thank you!
- Good thing I am the chairwoman here.
If it wasn't for me, you'd be behind bars!
What will you do without me?
Yes, you're the best, Chairwoman Joy!
Thank you for everything.
You're the one and the only.
Okay, but there's a catch.
- What is it?
- You need to cover doctor's fees.
Also the car repairs.
Do you have insurance?
I don't.
All the more reason you need to win.
We will deduct payables
from the prize money.
- For real?
- Yes!
But don't worry.
We have big time sponsors.
A whopping 100,000 pesos
will be awarded to the winner.
That should be enough
to solve this problem.
But let's not run the numbers yet.
I have a lot to do as a public servant.
Chairwoman, one last thing.
- What is it?
- Don't you have any food?
Our breaths reek already.
Is that what I smell?
Thank goodness, you're up.
Get your make-up done!
And put on a good amount, you need it.
Who are you? Faggot!
You're tough now?
Who's shouting?
There's the screaming faggot, Mother!
Are you alright? Do you have fever?
- Don't touch me!
- Anyone have paracetamol?
Here's another faggot!
I know you! I've seen you before.
You're the faggot
who almost killed us last week!
Whatever act you've prepared
as talent is impressive!
You're getting us worked up, right girls?
That's Oscar-worthy!
- Best actress!
- Winner!
You're cursed! Heathens!
You will all burn in hell!
Homosexuals!
- Bravo!
- Fabulous!
Winner!
Hail Mary full of grace,
the Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women and
blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother
of God, pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Thank You Lord,
for the answered prayer! Hallelujah!
Honey!
- Thank God you're alright.
- Oh god!
- Thank goodness you're awake!
- Get away, you lesbian!
- Honey!
- Who are you? Where am I?
- Honey
- Stop calling me honey!
It's me, Salve. Your wife!
Again with that. Wait up.
Hold on. Wife?
Are you alright?
Why would I marry a girl?
Hello? Excuse me!
Hello
What happened to me?!
Where did my beauty go? Why
Why is my hairline receding?
And my face is so puffy!
Are those wrinkles?
And I am so fat!
Honey?
Step aside.
- You cant leave.
- What do you mean I can't?!
I said you can't, please!
We still have a contest to win.
The prize money is huge.
And I need you to win it!
What contest are you talking about?
Whatever it is, I don't care. I said move!
Help! Ladies!
Girls, help. She's so strong!
- Help!
- Let go of me!
- You are all gays!
- Shut up!
Oh!
- Wow, the drama's getting intense.
- Let me go!
I said stop it!
No!
You faggots!
Come here!
- I said let me go!
- That's enough!
I said hands off, you kidnappers!
What the heck?
My God, most high and mighty!
You who judge us all.
If I, for a moment,
did wrong and went astray...
Please forgive me, my God.
And should my soul be taken,
why did You place me in this body?
Who are you?
Who am I?
Why am I this beautiful?!
I'm so gorgeous!
I'm fabulous!
They're real!
I'm now a woman!
Access granted!
Blesilda?
You might get hurt.
Who are you? Mom?
- Kidnappers!
- Yumi?
Don't tell me you're one of them.
Where's Yumi?
I need to see Yumi!
Yumi? Is there a Yumi here?
None.
I'm getting married.
It's the most
important day for Yumi and I.
Do you want to get smacked too?
Yumi's waiting for me at the altar.
Are you drunk or am I?
It must be you, Mother.
Hey, where are you going?!
- I don't have my winner for later!
- My God!
- Run after her! Get her back here!
- Ouch, that hurt!
Whilhelmina! Sister, where are you going?
Hey!
Let her be.
That's less competition for us.
Let's go back.
- Let's go.
- Correct, sis.
Let's go.
Sir! Sir!
Can you help me?
What is it beautiful?
Beautiful?
How do I get to San Rafael Resort?
There are jeepneys headed that way.
Great. Thanks, sir.
You're welcome Miss Beautiful.
Miss Beautiful?
Where have my boobs gone?
Oh my god.
Blast from the past.
You came back to life
Face is cute though.
In fairness, it's like
Like a Chinese princess.
But I spent so much on my hips, my boobs,
my hormone shots. Now this!
What's this?!
Back to zero?
Yumi?
Junior?
This is scheduled for tomorrow.
My love, this is it!
Huh?
- Wait! Wait!
- Why?
You're too early!
What are you doing here?
Don't you realize my love?
We are just hours away
from getting married.
So?
Do we fight the urge?
Urge to what?
To start a family!
Excuse me.
My love, let's make babies now, please.
Little Yumis, little Juniors.
Come on!
But how?
Let me show you.
I know we've waited for so long.
And we always did the right thing.
But what's one mistake right?
Just this once!
- Here we go, my love!
- Wait!
Here we go!
Please don't take off your clothes.
But why?
I'll just get envious.
Of what?
I mean
The boys will envy me
once I marry you tomorrow.
My love, stop!
My love!
But your boobs look great.
- Really?
- Yes, girl.
Size 38.
36 Cup C.
36 Cup D my love.
Perfect. It's gorgeous!
It's all yours, my love!
How much did it cost?
Huh?
I mean, where did you get them done?
I mean, never mind. Never mind.
Excuse me, my love.
You know, I'm 100% real.
From head to foot.
You are the chosen one!
Yes, I am!
- My love, take this off now. Come on.
- Wait!
This is bound to happen, don't be shy.
Come on now!
Hold on!
- What now?
- Just a second.
Yumi...
It's Yumi right?
Okay.
Girl, I think it's
just your nerves talking.
And it's putting thoughts into your head.
And also...
it's your big day tomorrow right?
If we do it tonight,
you'll look haggard tomorrow!
Do you want that?
We don't.
So get it together, girl!
Our goal tomorrow is
to take center stage and
Bam! Be fresh and fab.
Isn't that what we want?
You're right my love.
Maybe it's just nerves. I'm sorry.
Don't be nervous. It's just a wedding.
But the gown...
The shoes...
Are they stunning?
Of course they are.
Are the make-up artists top-notch?
Of course, my love.
That's my girl!
That's what you need
to focus on, your beauty!
Not coming here to get some action.
Get a hold of yourself.
But, my love.
I don't want to leave in vain.
Can I at least have a request?
What now?
Kiss me.
Come on. Off you go.
- My love!
- Head out, girl.
Come on, please!
Don't be shy!
You like that, huh? Kiss me first.
My love
See you tomorrow!
- See you.
- I love you!
Rest well!
- Rest! Rest!
- I love you!
What doesn't she get?
I said leave me alone!
Bro.
Let's go for a swim.
Swimming?
Let's go!
Stop!
Just go straight
and you will reach the place.
- Thank you, sir.
- Take care, miss.
Hey! Miss Beautiful.
Dude, we have a mermaid in our midst.
So flawless.
I'll be off. I'm in a hurry.
What a deep voice.
You sound more like a beast.
Or like a faggot?
Gay? Who's gay?
Wait a minute.
You're rude.
Here.
Take a shot first.
I'm in a hurry.
Stay a while.
We have food here. Chick-and-eggs.
More like a chick... with eggs.
That's yummy.
Hey!
Now that's just offensive!
You mean you're my best friend?
Of course.
And you're my best man?
Yes.
So can we swim now?
The chairwoman is coming! Make way!
Chairwoman.
Oh, what is the meaning of this?
Let me go!
I'm calling on all the saints in heaven.
Raise me from this hellhole! Save me!
What is this? Is this a skit?
Are they practicing?
Wanda, Whitney, enough!
If this is a prank, you win!
Don't be an embarrassment
to the chairwoman!
No, no! It's okay.
Go ahead, practice some more. Proceed!
Wanda? Who's Wanda?
Whitney who?
Rodrigo.
Rodrigo is my name.
Rodrigo?
- Dad?
- Who are you?
Dad...
It's me, Blesilda!
My daughter?
Yes, Dad.
It's me.
What happened to your face?
Dad!
Dad, I thought we died and went to hell.
What is happening?
- That was great.
- I don't know either.
I don't understand.
Have mercy on us, Oh Lord.
Amen! Amen! Amen!
This is next level crazy!
Maybe it's just hunger.
Apologies for the late lunch.
Guards, what are you waiting for?
- Feed the gays!
- Lunch is here!
Eat up said the chairwoman!
Everybody eat!
That was great. Good job!
It's spilling!
- It's spilling! Utensils? Spoon and fork?
- Go eat!
Jump in. It's cold.
It is!
I don't understand
why you're acting the way you are.
But if this is a joke,
can you please stop?
Joke?
This is the joke.
This body is the joke. Why did I get fat?
Sis, dad bods are hot these days.
You're one to talk.
It's like you won the lottery ten times.
Look at you.
You're a perfect savage queen.
While here I am...
Tattered...
Torn... An old has-been!
Sis, don't give up just yet!
There's still a market for you!
Momshie wants her own scene.
Enough with the crying, Mom.
Did you see how your dad acted?
What will happen
when your brother moves out?
Or once you become a nun?
- What? Me? Become a nun?
- I'll have to deal with your dad alone.
I'll be sent back to live with nuns?
No! I don't want to,
I've been there and it's sad and boring!
You don't want to become a nun anymore?
Now?
With this face?
And with this body?
Nah-uh!
This beauty has no business in a convent.
Remember what you said in church?
Is that true?
What did I tell you?
That...
You want us to be together...
until the end.
I said that?
Yes.
I hope nothing changes between us.
Despite your marriage to Yumi.
Let's still see each other, be together...
Talk constantly...
Sure.
That's all you can say? Sure?
Don't you get it?
Be straightforward.
What do you really want to tell me?
I love you.
I've loved you for so long.
Wait.
But as a friend?
Not as a friend.
OMG!
- You're in love with your best friend?
- Yes.
And he had no clue all this time?
Yes, but... now you know, right?
You're not mad at me?
Not at all!
I'm even rooting for you guys.
It's like
It's like a boys' love story.
Congratulations!
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon.
Hi, sir.
Stop with the sir.
- Hi sir!
- Hi sir, good afternoon.
Hi.
Are you friends with the groom?
We are gym buddies.
He knows me from triathlons.
We do Muay Thai together.
Muay Thai? Interesting.
Oh, our dates are here.
Hello!
- Have a drink!
- Take a shot!
Straight full shot!
Get ready for us boys!
- Come back!
- Come back here!
Are they also guests?
They're make-up artists
for Yumi and her entourage.
Ah, they're make-up artists.
- Yes.
- Yes, sir.
Fabulous!
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thanks, sir!
Is congratulations all you can say?
What are you expecting then?
When someone tells you, "I love you,"
congratulations is not the response.
Instead, say, "I love you too."
I'm sorry.
But I cannot speak for myself.
Let me just ask you this then.
But you can only answer me with either
a yes or a yes.
Do you love me too?
Guard! Open the gate.
Miss. The resort is closed.
We have a private booking.
I know that. Let me in.
Miss, we have a guest list.
I'm not in the guest list.
Because I am the groom.
What?
Hold on. I need to clear this.
Delta one.
- Good afternoon, sir.
- Good afternoon, sir.
Hi, good afternoon, girls.
How may we be of help?
Yes but...
First, attend to the boys waiting for you.
Really?
Sir, you must be kidding.
Why would I prank you?
Go on, stop being choosy.
- You think you're pretty?
- This must be a prank.
Of course not. Now go!
Hurry!
Go forth and multiply!
Go!
Winner!
Boogsh!
Boogsh!
- You can't touch this!
- My dear.
What are you wearing?
Enough with the drama, Mom.
Let me entertain you.
Let's pick my wedding party dress!
They're all gorgeous!
What do I do?
Oh! I know. Here, Mom.
For more content, take a video.
- There.
- I should?
- How do I?
- Make me look tall.
From here?
Five, six, seven, eight!
Nena girl is still a tot
Tiny tot said um-ah, um-ah-ah
Nena girl is now a teen
Bratty teen said um-ah, um-ah-ah
Nena girl is now a tease
Sexy tease said um-ah, um-ah-ah
- Yes, Mom!
- Like that?
Back it up, Momshie.
Um-ah, um-ah-ah
- Wait, why?
- Ouch!
Wait, what's happening to you?
- It hurts!
- Oh no.
Your dysmenorrhea must acting up again.
I didn't know it would be this painful.
Wait, did you bring your medicine?
What medicine? Might be in my bag.
Oh no! Hold on!
- Oh no!
- Oh!
What do we do?
Momshie, I'm so sorry!
I didn't mean it.
I'll leave you to it.
They were just hungry all along.
Go ahead, Chairwoman.
Your constituents must be waiting.
Yes. Let's go!
Make way, make way!
Chairwoman Joy is on the way!
Make way!
- Joy?
- Yes?
It's me, Rod.
Rodrigo, husband of your cousin Salve.
I didn't recognize you.
It's been a while.
And you seem to have gained weight.
Much more difficult for me
to recognize you because
my cousin's husband doesn't look like you.
It's me! Rodrigo.
You're a godmother at my son's wedding.
You even offered to sponsor
a live band and a roasted pig.
Blesilda! Pay your respects.
That's your Aunt Joy.
That's definitely not
how I remember Salve's only girl.
Beauty runs in our family.
What happened to you?
- Joy...
- What?
You need to help us.
I need to find Salve.
Mom, where are we going?
We're going to town!
Let's find a replacement for
the dress you stained.
Wow! We're going shopping!
Yes. But we need to hurry
as they close the stores early.
- Let's go then!
- Yes, come on.
- What now?
- The pain is piercing.
- What's happening?
- Move slowly.
- It's so painful!
- You're so dramatic.
Come on, let's go.
- Come in.
- But how?
Come on.
Go ahead! My goodness, this girl.
That's my mom! She's with me!
Please stop the vehicle!
Blesilda! Where are you going?
Mom!
Ma'am, let's check your bag first.
Thank you!
- There you go.
- Are we good? Are you happy?
- Alright, let's go.
- Mom!
How about this one?
Mom!
Perfect! Thank you.
Let's go!
Great!
- Let's go there, Mommy!
- Okay.
Oh, here!
Boogsh! Mommy! Do you like this?
That looks great!
- It looks tailor-made for you.
- But, wait.
We need to lift the hemline
and lower the neckline.
Let's not put my long legs away.
- Or my cleavage to waste.
- Right.
- Let's show them!
- We also need to emphasize your waist
Hold on! I know they do alterations here.
Miss!
Miss! Miss?
Mother?
Mom!
Give me back my body!
Give me back my mom!
What? This is your mother?
That's my mother!
How could that be?
My mother is your mother too?
Just my mother.
What do I know about your mother.
This mother is your mother?
That mother is my mother!
You, you're a mother.
She's saying you are her mother.
Hold on, who is this?
Why did they allow
a beggar inside the mall?
- Guard!
- Mom...
Mom... this is me, Blesilda!
You liar!
I don't know how to lie.
That is against the eighth commandment.
"Thou shall not bear
false witness against your neighbor."
- Whatever, you're an impostor!
- Wait! Hold on!
- Wait, stop
- You're a witch!
- You witch!
- Stop it
Stop!
I said stop!
Wait, who are you?
Ah, I recognize you.
You are one of the gays
who hit our car. Yes, that's you!
Please believe me.
I'm Blesilda, your daughter!
We have not been close
but I love you so much.
It hurts me seeing you
happy with this fraud!
Momshie, please take care of me.
- She's so scary!
- Hush.
Don't worry.
Mom, it's me.
Where are you taking my daughter?
She's your child?
She's causing a disturbance here.
Guard, please send them out!
- Move to the side. Make way!
- Salve...
Everyone can take a picture...
It's me, Rodrigo.
Your husband.
What?
What are you saying?
Salve, let me explain.
I'm running out of makeup
yet I still look hideous.
Just have more color.
Rodrigo switched souls with
With Wanda.
And Blesilda's soul went to
Whitney.
The accident must have something
to do with this.
And more likely, Junior's soul
is swapped with
the soul of your missing girl.
Whilhelmina.
This is just my hunch.
But I'm the person who's always right.
Promise!
I miss you, Mom.
Why did you lie to me?
Please forgive, Whitney.
I apologize on her behalf.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was getting my wish
to have a...
a real family.
A real mother.
Whitney is an orphan.
What I said earlier was true.
I used to live in a convent.
The nuns there raised me.
I escaped and saw Mother Wendy
and her girls perform.
I never looked back.
That's why I took her in.
I needed an assistant anyway.
And she's also in training
so she can join pageants.
I'm very sorry.
But still...
I'm grateful to have felt what it's like
to have my own mother.
Salve, hon...
This is still me, Rodrigo.
Your husband who loves you so much.
Believe me.
You know what, you are handsome.
Thank you.
You seem nice too.
I am.
And you are crazy for your best friend.
More than you think.
But I am a good person.
And I believe in karma.
Because if I were to
give in to my bad side,
we've left the pool already.
We'd be in the room by now.
But what?
But I am not what you think I am.
Because you're straight?
Is that it?
You're straight?
Straight?
Me?
It's so hard to explain, wait!
I thought you could see past that.
After everything we've been through...
that might overpower your preference.
That's a thing, right?
Being fluid?
I'm sorry.
Come on. Don't blame yourself.
Well at least, now you know.
I took a chance and I blew it.
Wait up!
Looks like what?
She's pretty?
Pretty but... sounds manly?
Alright. We'll be on our way. Bye.
Who was that?
It's the resort manager.
- And?
- Someone's trying to get in the resort
pretending to be the groom.
It's a woman but she acts like a man.
- What?
- And also...
She looks like Karen Davila.
- That's Whilhelmina!
- That's her? Let's go then!
Get my bag!
- Hurry!
- Come on!
Go straight.
Where are your IDs? Your names please?
Okay, you're on the list.
You may Hey, miss!
- Yumi! Yumi, where are you?
- Delta one!
Miss!
Miss, come back here!
Delta one, we have an intruder!
Oh well. I think
this is all there is to it.
The eyeliner's used up. I did my best.
But this will do.
I look like a Chenee-Daria cross.
Hans!
Hans, right? Hans?
What?
I'm heartbroken and you make fun of me.
Stop with the drama.
Everything just happened so fast.
You dropped bombs one after the other.
I was just surprised.
So there's a chance?
A chance for us?
I can't say for sure because...
Because if we talk about being fluid,
that should take time?
Time to realize that something solid
can transform into liquid and be fluid.
Not to string you along but...
I think you have to give it time.
Can I kiss you?
What?
Party!
- Woohoo!
- Party!
Yumi! Yumi, where are you?
Yumi!
The vehicle is hardly moving.
Lose some weight!
I will try ma'am.
The Chairwoman is coming!
Step to the side!
Make way!
Where is the Karen Davila lookalike?
She got past me ma'am.
The other guards are searching for her.
She got away? That way?
The Chairwoman is on the move!
Don't flock around Chairwoman Joy!
Move!
Step aside!
Please, just one kiss.
Come on.
Bro!
What's the meaning of this?
Who are you?
Right back at you!
Whatever evil spirit is in you,
give me back the body you stole!
Stole?
Excuse me?
Did I ask for this?
The nerve! What are you gloating about?
These delts? Your abs? This V-line?
Girl! I want none of it. It's all yours!
I worked hard for that body.
What makes you think
I didn't do the same for mine?
Would you like to know how much I spent
on my barbie forehead, my nose,
my boobs, my hips,
and for my underarm laser procedure?
How much?
Nothing you can afford!
And you, Hans!
Bro!
What was that?
Why were you about to kiss me?
Who the hell are you?
Newsflash!
Your best man is in love with you.
He confessed his love for you to me.
You get it?
You're gay, bro?
What do you think you are then?
Wait!
There is no fighting in my jurisdiction!
Peace and order is my number one priority.
Who are you?
I'm Junior, Auntie.
And you are?
I am the most beautiful and sexiest girl
under Mother Wendy's care.
Whilhelmina.
See?
Didn't I tell you? I'm always right!
Okay.
Let's talk.
But before we do, can you all promise...
to keep everything between us,
down to the last detail?
- I promise.
- Promise.
That's right, Chairwoman Joy.
We can't go telling everyone
that Hans is gay
when he only wanted Junior to know.
Is it wrong to love?
And you, Junior.
Don't belittle and brush off
what Hans just did.
That was not easy!
He was willing to risk everything
just to let you know his true feelings
even losing you.
Aw, that's touching.
Bro...
do you still love me
even if I look like this?
Or do you love me
because I look like that?
Of course, I want the total package.
Okay. Case closed! Moving on!
Hold on.
Out of all the craziness
that happened, it seems that
Whitney got the best deal.
Aunt Salve, your daughter is so beautiful!
Thank you.
That's what you think.
If I have to go through this pain
every month, I'm better off without it.
Not all gays want to be women.
She has a point.
Right?
Hang on One, two, three, four, five
There should be six of us, right?
Where's my gay-penetrated body?
Body shot!
- Body shot!
- Party!
Body shot!
Body shot!
Body shot!
Hey!
Go back to your rooms!
The wedding starts early.
Hey, wait!
Hey, let's party!
Where are you going?
What are you wearing?
What did you do to my face?
You made fun of me!
You shamed me in front of everyone!
In front of guests!
You turned me into a joke!
You're disgusting!
Why?
Didn't they have a great time?
They even said
you were very pretty.
And that lifting earlier?
They thought you were heavy.
But you weren't and they did very well.
Homo! You are sickening!
All of you! Fags!
Careful, Rod.
You fail to see who surrounds you.
Even if you turn the world upside down,
or you swap our bodies and souls,
the truth remains that being gay is a sin!
- Rod! Hon!
- Fags!
Sir, it's already 2023!
But you seem to be living in World War 1.
If that's how you see us,
what are we doing here?
Let's go girls.
We still have a pageant to win.
We can do this regardless. Come on!
Mother Wendy!
Please don't leave.
And why?
My wedding needs to push through.
No! Let them leave!
They're useless!
Dad! You don't know what you're saying!
On my way here, I was obscenely insulted
by drunk men because of how I look.
They called me names.
Poof, faggot, chick-and-eggs.
If it wasn't for
my Muay Thai skills, I'd be dead.
And you're no different from them.
It's people like you who need to change!
Not them!
You're in the body
of someone like them right?
Is there a difference?
It's has nothing to do with
the clothes, or the makeup,
or whether you've
had plastic surgery or not.
What's important
is what your soul yearns for.
And for me, that's Yumi.
And Yumi alone.
So please, Mother Wendy, don't go.
Since your acceptance speech
is very convincing,
we will help you.
But...
you have to help us too.
In what way?
- Stay still. You look beautiful!
- Pack it up!
- You are stunning!
- Fix it.
Smile!
Go slowly!
Oh!
Why are you hiding your face?
Honey that's too high!
- Too high!
- Hold on. It's fine.
- I'll fix it.
- You're not listening!
We will teach you how to tuck!
You can do it like this.
How do you pull the tip?
- You will slide it in.
- Oh!
Clutch it.
And tuck backwards.
- Voila!
- Yahoo!
Is it difficult?
Thank you for that wonderful question.
I do believe...
Okay, let's say the question is
"What is the essence
of being in a beauty pageant?"
"What is the essence of being a gay?"
So you can answer
World peace is our future.
'Cause anti-bullying is our children.
Because the poor is the purpose.
If there's environment, there's a war.
If education is the climate change,
I think the best version
of myself is equality.
Just spew out flowery words.
- Then answer with confidence.
- So that's how it's done.
And how do you end it?
That's all and I thank you!
My beloved constituents!
The candidates for Miss Gay Kabogera 2023!
Hi! Enjoy yourselves.
Good evening, everyone.
My name is Whilhelmina Wilwayco
and I believe in the saying
"If I don't look pretty in your eyes,
the next contestant
will make you think otherwise."
That's right!
My name is Soneo Lakambini.
Those who will not clap
will look like me in a snap!
"Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord
is to be praised."
Proverbs Chapter 31 Verse 30.
My name is Wanda Wong.
From the land of mooncakes, fish cakes,
rice cakes... Binondo, Manila!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
My name is Winona Williams,
from Ususan, Taguig.
- Thank you.
- Go!
It's your turn! Go on!
Good luck, dear.
Dad! Where are you going?
I can't do this anymore.
Come on, Dad!
We've talked about this.
What do you want me to do?
Make fun of myself?
Join that queer clownery?
Go through it if you want to!
I'm leaving.
Dad!
I beg of you.
Let's get this over with.
If not for Yumi, please just do it for me.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
- Woo!
- Woohoo!
Oh my, that was painful!
Your question, candidate number 1.
What is the essence
of being Miss Gay Kabogera?
For me, it's enlightenment.
Learning to respect other people
however they identify.
So if I happen to win tonight,
I would dedicate it to my family.
Thank you.
And finally, let's call on
candidate number 2!
Thank you for that wonderful question.
I do believe that equality
is the best version of myself
because the important
is the climate change,
the education of the environment,
and that's the purpose
of the poor of the children.
Anti-bullying, future of world peace.
That's all, I thank you.
Very nice.
Excellent, candidate number 2!
Good job, everyone!
Let's give it up for all our candidates!
Oh my! Who will take the crown tonight?
Our top two candidates!
Who is going to be
our next Miss Gay Kabogera 2023?
Ladies, please come forward
Candidate number 1 and candidate number 2!
Come forward. There you go.
Okay.
The first name I'm going to call will be
our new Miss Gay Kabogera 2023!
Who will it be?
Candidate number...
I love you all... Candidate number...
2!
Congratulations candidate number 2!
Of course, our first runner-up
none other than candidate number 1!
Congratulations candidate number 2!
Thank you so much.
Congratulations also
to candidate number 1!
Let's take a picture!
Thank you! I love you all! Thank you!
Congratulations!
Hey! You did great.
- You need a retouch.
- No, it's okay.
Just a little...
- Ouch!
- Stand up straight!
Lower your voice.
You had better act convincing.
Why don't you do it yourself?
A deal is a deal. You have to do this.
I am doing it!
Help me coach him, please?
I don't want anyone to notice.
And I don't want Yumi to be weirded out.
It's her day.
Do it for me.
I got you.
And the kiss!
- Make sure it's a smack.
- I know!
Just a smack.
I will post this.
Oh, hello there!
Hi, my love.
Tonight's the night!
Are you ready for me?
Hi, Father!
Father, game on!
You may now kiss the bride!
This is it, my love! Woo!
Wait
Junior, stay here.
We're married, guys!
Tonight's the night my love! I'm so ready!
Thank you.
Hello? Hello?
Hello! I would like
to propose a toast to our newlyweds.
May your union be
peaceful, calm, and endless.
And as your second parent
I am ready to serve
any time, any day.
Because with Chairwoman Joy,
there's joy every waking day!
Cheers!
Cheers!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Another one! More!
One more oh!
This is crazy.
What happened, dear?
- He's off to the washroom.
- To the washroom!
Where is he going?
Yes, godmother. Eat some more.
Thank you for coming, everyone.
We really appreciate it.
I am warning you.
What, are you going to kill me?
Are you some kind of
a murderer or something?
If anything happens
between you and Yumi tonight,
you know what I'll do?
What?
I'll blow up your boobs!
Bro! Bro, that's enough!
If there's anyone you should warn,
it's not me!
It's Yumi!
She's been trying to expedite
your honeymoon since yesterday.
Get it together
or I'll make you flat-chested, you hear?
Give me that.
Can you talk to your best friend?
He's going crazy.
I'm off, you lunatics!
Are you alright, bro?
Look, my job here is done.
It was an honor being your best man.
I'll be off.
Hang on.
Bro, thank you so much.
Whilhelmina told me
everything you told her.
She did?
Okay.
At least, I don't have to repeat myself.
Sorry.
I love you but...
not like that.
I hope we remain friends... until the end.
You look great!
I'll help you find your match.
My love!
Love.
Tonight's the night!
Are you ready for me, my... hubby?
Ready for what?
My love, are you ready to...
I will do that?
In return, I will...
You can do that?
Of course I can!
And then the two of us will...
What?!
Your mind is so filthy!
Your mouth is also very filthy!
No! No! No!
No!
- Dad
- Come on, Junior!
Something might happen to Yumi!
I thought
you already talked to Whilhelmina?
They might do something!
Junior, come to me!
Come on Junior!
- Don't be shy!
- Stop!
- But why?
- Stop! Stop.
Time first.
I'm feeling dizzy.
My love... are you all warmed up already?
I'm good to go!
Here.
These are two towels.
Fold them again
so you can warm up.
Huh?
Yes! Turn them into swans again.
If you don't like swans, try an elephant.
If you don't like
elephants, try a dinosaur.
If you don't like dinosaurs,
build a snowman!
Junior, calm down.
You will make Yumi more confused.
Don't worry.
Whilhelmina is more feminine
than all of us combined, right?
Here's the snowman!
Wow! You really did it, girl.
I can do anything for you!
And you can do anything with me, my love!
But, Yumi...
Enough with the talking!
It's game time, love!
So game!
Here we go!
Game, love!
Where's my Junior?! Junior!
My love! Oh god.
Oh, wow!
Looks like some
girl-on-girl action is happening.
My god, Mother. So nasty!
That's enough, Wanda!
My goodness
- Son, hold on!
- My dear, wait up!
Yumi!
Yumi, stop that!
Who are you?!
What are you doing here?
Stop that, Yumi!
Because of the accident yesterday,
souls switched between
Papa and Wanda,
Blesilda and Whitney,
and me...
and Whilhelmina.
So to whom did I get married earlier?
Not to Junior?
You only got married to my body today.
I hope that...
even though I look like this...
you will still accept me.
Neshama sheli.
Neshama sheli.
Neshama sheli.
Neshama what?
Neshama sheli.
It's a Hebrew term
from the bible which means,
"my life, my soul."
Whatever.
I choose you, Junior.
Not just how you look,
but for who you truly are.
I love you because of your heart...
because of your soul...
Neshama sheli!
But how can we fix this?
We can't stay like this forever.
Oh! I know someone who can help us.
And who is that?
Hello...
- Anyone home?
- Who is it?
Brother Kim! What's up?
Where did the accident take place?
At the zigzag road near the cliff.
There were hills on the way.
Is this the place?
- Yes! That's exactly it.
- That looks like it.
It's called the Magnetic Hill.
When did the accident happen?
Yesterday.
Same day as the solar eclipse.
Correct!
Did you know
that the magnetic force of the hill
combined with
the gravitational pull of the sun and moon
combined with the impact of the accident
can cause a certain phenomenon
called soul swapping?
That's what happened to you.
Oh, wow!
It also happened 13 years ago.
Did things get back to normal?
They did but only
after recreating the accident
at the same spot where it happened.
Then what are we waiting for?
Come on, let's crash into each other!
But you also need another solar eclipse.
When will the next one be?
You should know.
Based on my research
and on scientific data,
the next solar
eclipse will happen again...
in seven years.
- What?
- What?!
That's too long!
We didn't have a choice
but to live together.
To look for each other
and to protect each other,
like when Axel kept bothering us.
Levina!
Effort! And one, two...
To keep ourselves healthy
and to maintain our beauty
Self-care is important right?
We bonded over
birthdays and anniversaries.
Cheers!
And we found support in one another.
In finding new love
yes, another Filipina success story!
When Mother Wendy had
liver problems because of alcohol
that scared us.
She's better but she misses drinking.
Blesilda is still part of the choir.
Amazing, right?
Mayor Joy is here.
But even more amazing is
Chairwoman Joy becoming mayor.
CITY OF SAN RAFAEL
- One more time!
- One more, please.
Seven years, seven Christmases
we all waited for this moment.
Did you know that eclipse
is from the Greek work ekleipsis
which means to transform or to change.
Solar eclipse is to the sun
as lunar eclipse is to the moon.
So you need to do it
exactly as the moon has covered the sun.
You need to wait for the exact moment.
And did you also know
you only have one chance!
The moon should completely cover the sun
and you should crash into each other
at the very same spot.
- Is this dangerous?
- It is.
- Can it cost us our lives?
- It may.
Then why should we do it?
My love...
I love you the way you are.
Let's not go through this anymore please?
- Love...
- Maybe let's not?
We're already here.
We've waited seven long years for this.
Let's take this chance!
So we can fix things.
I'm sure the Lord will protect us.
Enough with the drama! Let's just do this.
Let's go!
Let's do this!
Positions please! It's happening!
Back off!
Almost there!
On my count...
Three!
Two!
One!
Go!
If youre happy
and you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy
and you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
and you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy and you know it
Do some twerking
Twerking!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the duck walk
Duck walk!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!
If you're happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!
Hey guys! Blesilda has not danced yet.
- Blesilda!
- Blesilda!
Come on!
My god! My god!
If youre happy and you know it
Do some twerking
Twerking!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the duck walk
Duck walk!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!
"Oh Lord, You are my God."
"I will find You in good time."
"My soul yearns for You."
"My flesh craves You
in a dry and barren
land stripped of water."
Response.
My soul yearns for You, Oh Lord.
"And so I looked towards Your sanctuary
to marvel at Your might and majesty."
You who cleanses
The world of its sins
Have mercy
Have mercy
On us
Have mercy
Have mercy on us
Why does it have to be in a resort?
They can get married here.
There's nothing we can do.
That's Yumi's dream wedding.
Just let them be.
Mom, Dad, let's honor the sanctity
of the sacrament of marriage.
A wedding should be held in church.
Then have the reception in the resort.
Don't worry, dear. When it's your turn,
you get to choose.
- Pa, stop kidding around.
- Ma.
Dad.
The reverend said yes.
He will do it despite the distance
and he will even spend the night.
Great! See, everything is settled.
Junior, why not get married here?
If it were up to me, I'd marry Yumi
in every church there is.
Only that would be a problem.
Why is that, Dad?
It's costly!
Isn't the reverend so gracious?
Did you know that he led
my confirmation rites?
And he also baptized Blesilda.
So, it's just right that he will marry us.
Come here.
I love you!
I love you! I love you!
I love you my love!
- Love, someone might see us!
- I can't wait to marry you!
Someone might see, come on!
So what?
In a few days,
we will be married, my love!
We can do everything we want.
Without the guilt, without the remorse,
without the fear of,
to quote your little sister,
"burning in hell."
I'm sorry about my sister's behavior.
Blesilda's goal is to become
the first Filipina saint.
No worries, my love.
I know it's going to be worth the wait.
It's going to be
worth the long, long wait.
Wait, we may burn in hell
while inside the church grounds.
So be it!
Neshama sheli, Yumi.
Neshama sheli, my love.
- Hey Yumi! Junior!
- Auntie!
Enough with the flirting.
- As if we can't see you.
- Yes, Mom.
Come on, let's go home.
Okay, Mom.
Bye.
I love you!
I love you! I love you!
Bro!
- Hey!
- Are you headed home?
Would you want us to...?
No, its fine.
I wanted to invite you for coffee.
I need to tell you something.
Let's have coffee another time.
Never mind. Let's just do it next time.
Hey, thanks a lot.
For what?
For being so supportive for Yumi and I.
And for being my best man.
It's nothing. Don't mention it.
I'm always here for you.
I mean, for both of you.
You witnessed our love story.
I hope we will be together 'til the end.
Junior, your Aunt Joy just confirmed.
What did she say?
As my cousin
and your soon-to-be godmother,
she'll take care of the roasted pig.
Nice!
She's also asking if you want live music.
Isn't it too much to have a band?
What the point of her being
the town chairwoman then?
Can't we just keep it simple?
Something solemn and more in God's favor.
You're such a killjoy.
It's not every day
someone gets married in this family.
It will be the only wedding.
I am not getting married.
You have not allowed me to become a nun.
My child, let's just talk about that
some other time.
Let's finish the wedding first.
I'm just saying we each have our calling.
Your dad and I are not ready
to become empty nesters.
But we won't be empty nesters.
By next year, we'll have a grandchild.
Then it's like we have our own baby again.
Wait up. Junior, are you sure
you haven't done it with Yumi?
That would be a disgrace.
Seriously.
Stop the malice. We're not like that.
Hebrews Chapter 13 Verse 4,
"Marriage should be honored by all
and the marriage bed kept pure,
for God will judge the adulterer
and the sexually immoral."
Hey! Do you want us dead?!
Kill you? Can't it be just an accident?
I'm very sorry.
Sorry? You're going to get us killed!
Calm down, Papshie. I apologize.
Hey! Don't you dare call me Papshie.
No one got hurt right?
Is everyone still breathing?
- Now that's just rude!
- He's gay! He is.
Hello, Momshie! Are you alright?
If you want to die, die alone.
Spare the rest of us.
Problem is you're a faggot
and a stupid driver at that!
You're too much of a freak!
Enough with the hurtful words!
Is sorry not enough?
Harsh words are unnecessary.
What do you want?
You want war? I'll give you war!
Faggots!
Pests! You are cursed!
You have it worse!
Your wife looks like the heel of a shoe.
Screw you!
- Wait
- Heh!
- Hey!
- That was your fight! Why am I involved?
Hey!
- Bravo!
- Amazing!
You were an action star, Mother.
Even before the father could talk,
our mother lashed out at them!
Mother, I was waiting for your cue.
I was ready to face them
and smack the bejesus out of them!
That was so crazy.
- Got me shaking. I really was!
- Calm down.
There. That's why.
No wonder we get into trouble.
Are you drunk, Mother?
Buzzed is different from drunk.
Mind your looks.
We're late. Be ready to go.
There's no dinner?
Really? You still want dinner?
At that rate, your gown will not fit.
Whitney, be useful and retouch my face.
You need to win later.
If you don't, our electricity will be cut.
I'm on a winning streak.
Tell that to them.
Yeah right. You do win
but if not second, then third place.
- If not third, you place second.
- Enough.
It's annoying.
Whilhelmina, what stupidity is that again?
- Her love life, what else?
- Love you.
Hey, I said I love you.
You see what you did to me?
Look what you did!
Babe, I just need it right now.
Just send it to me. I'll wait, okay?
Alright? Okay?
What will I send you?
Did I go on stage?
Did I win anything?
How can I win when I look like this?
I'll pick you up, okay?
Let's have some beef stew in Tagaytay.
Then let's stay overnight.
You'll like that!
Come on. Tell me where you are.
No.
Use some concealer. Stop being a martyr.
Where is that?
- This?
- Yes.
- Have some tissue, sis.
- Thank you, girl.
Welcome.
What now, girl? Are we done with my eyes?
- I'm on it. Stay still.
- Is it even?
I'm trying. Hold on.
- There!
- Let me see.
You call this even?!
Sis, I tried. Maybe
your face is the problem.
How dare you!
That was harsh.
Whitney, here's the money.
Buy some bread.
They don't even have food here.
Then buy some gin.
Don't tell Wanda, okay?
Yes, Mother.
Mother, please give me a shot.
My high-risk number
for the talent portion is so ready.
Watch...
Yes!
Boogsh!
Split!
And another one!
See how good I am?
Alright. If it makes
you happy, you can join.
I'll talk to the organizer later, okay?
Do you have a costume?
I have! My sisters' hand-me-downs.
Okay. But don't expect too much.
Of course, Mother!
Just being on stage is fine.
Okay. Go now and come back quickly.
- That's a promise, Mother.
- Yes it is.
- Promise?
- Yes!
Okay. Alright!
You really want to sabotage me!
How should I know you chose red?
Take that off. I said take it off!
You change your outfit!
I have nothing else.
But I saw you and your hideous outfits!
Many hanging clothes!
Then why should I adjust?
That's your problem.
You can't both be in red
during the introduction.
And you're both in feathers too!
Don't you have anything else Winona?
Mother, why should I adjust?
You're playing favorites with Wanda again.
Blah! Blah! Too much drama.
Who cares if we both wear red?
Even if you wear
all the colors of the rainbow,
you will end up a loser.
What did you say?
Say that again!
A loser, a flop
Here! Hold these teasing combs.
Stab each other to death!
Such a nuisance.
Can't help being beautiful.
Thank you, Contestant Number 4!
Now, for a very special number,
let's all welcome Contestant Number 2!
She even has those moves!
Wow!
Whilhelmina!
- Fierce right?
- Mina!
Baby!
Axel, what are you doing here?
Didn't I tell you I'd stop by?
Give me a kiss
How did you find us?
Winona texted me.
Hold up. Is that her on stage?
What's her talent?
Wild!
Get going, babe. Let's just talk later.
Oh wow. Aren't you something?
The concealer hasn't even worked
on her bruises yet,
and you're back to do more damage!
Girl! Just stay out of it.
Don't involve yourself.
I'll take care of this.
I'm just here to get something.
Why don't I feel welcome here?
Why not give me money
for the motorcycle so I can leave?
I traveled far and for what?
Babe.
Go on. Leave!
What's your problem?
Your friend is a jerk. Horrible attitude.
All you bring is bad luck.
You're just using my friend.
I thought you were splitting up?
Stop it, please!
Babe, let's just talk later.
No wonder you've changed.
He is putting things in your head!
You're just envious, Wanda.
You don't have a boyfriend like me
And sadly no one will like you.
Because you're ugly with no money!
Axel!
It's true!
What? What did you say to me?
What's your problem?!
You know what, let's just go.
I've had enough Axel, you know that?
Wanda! Axel! Stop it!
Don't hurt my friend! Get away!
Run! Run!
- Axel, please just go!
- Ouch!
Sorry, I didn't mean it.
You witch, you're really out to get me!
See? Is that hard to understand?
I haven't won anything yet!
Just leave!
You're ruining the contest!
Stop it!
Why are they even here?
Call the guards! Call the police!
They're wasting our time!
You scum! Garbage!
Let's talk.
Who do you think you are?
You witch!
You want some of this? Here!
Mother, let me.
I don't want this anymore.
Enough!
You really hurt me.
I said I have nothing.
Whatever! I don't care.
I'm glad the wedding didn't fall
on the day of the solar eclipse.
There are so many superstitions
associated with it.
Like what, Mom?
People say that during a solar eclipse
many evil spirits roam in our midst.
And that's not all.
Food randomly perishes!
That's crazy.
If the wedding was today,
catering would be a disaster.
Belief in these things goes against
the first commandment.
"You shall not have other gods before Me."
Come on.
It's just for fun.
But, Mom, they're just
random things old people say.
But, Mom, it's like saying that amulets,
eclipses, and black cats
are more powerful than the will of God.
We're just joking around.
Regardless, you're
empowering wrong beliefs.
What if other people hear you? Children,
or the uninitiated, or the unenlightened.
Okay, fine. We apologize, Mother Superior.
Let us pray instead to Nuestra Seora
de la Paz y Buen viaje for safe travels.
Let us put ourselves
in the presence of God.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit... Amen.
Mother Wendy, this gig is so far.
Do we get out-of-town rates for this?
Enough of that nonsense.
Did you contribute for gas?
Sorry. I was just asking.
Look at the eclipse. It's stunning.
Whitney!
- What?
- Watch the eclipse, it's pretty.
Eclipse.
- Wow! It's so fabulous.
- Hey, my hair! Close the window!
I said shut it!
Oh my gosh. It's
my first time outside the city.
I thought it was your first time
away from your cave.
Oh.
Is it still far?
Somewhat.
I'm bored.
What do you suggest?
Pray the rosary?
Sounds good.
Let's do the novena.
That's a joke.
How about we sing a song?
Okay!
Junior, what song would we sing
as kids while traveling?
"If You're Happy and You Know It."
If youre happy
And you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy
And you know it, laugh out loud
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, laugh out loud
Ha! Ha! Ha!
It's so boring and so remote!
Hey, Whitney! Find the playing cards.
- Cards? Here, Mother.
- I'm so bored.
Do you want to join?
- I'm in.
- Fine, sure.
The two of us can't play alone.
You idiot.
If youre happy
And you know it, clap your hands
If youre happy
And you know it, clap your hands
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, clap your hands
Boom! Flushes.
Full house!
Savage!
Game over. Four of a kind!
Royal flush!
Don't you dare.
- Yes! Go girl.
- You losers!
Shuffle it, you loser.
- Oh, you're doing it?
- What did you say?!
Loser! Flop. Dud. Take your pick.
Say that again! Take it back!
Take this!
Mother Wendy!
If youre happy
And you know it, shake your hips
If youre happy
And you know it, shake your hips
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, shake your hips
Hit her girl! Smack her!
You might
Settle down!
Mother Wendy!
If youre happy
And you know it, honor Him
Praise the Lord!
If youre happy
And you know it, honor Him
Hallelujah!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
And you know it, honor Him
Amen!
You can't do that, Mother!
Quit it, you queens!
What now?
We lost our breaks!
Honor Him!
Hallelujah!
Help!
Call an ambulance!
- I don't know the number!
- You're useless!
Oh, my god!
- Help!
- Help!
- Please help us!
- Please rescue us! Please!
They won't wake up!
Help! Oh God! Somebody please help!
Help! Help!
- Lord, please help us! Please help us!
- Somebody help us please!
- Move!
- Out of the way!
- Chairwoman Joy is here! Out of the way!
- Where is it?
Please, make way.
Move to the side.
- We're here. Check that area.
- Make way!
Move it!
Please stay on the sides.
- Oh my goodness!
- Please make way!
- Cousin!
- Joy!
Cousin!
My gosh, what happened?
Oh, no!
Doctor said their vital signs are good.
That's good.
They were shaken, probably whiplash.
- Oh.
- Hold on.
Don't worry too much.
They'll be up and about soon.
Everything will be fine.
Wait.
Let's check Blesilda. She might be up.
Okay. Where is she?
Here, this way.
Cousin, thanks again.
For checking on us despite your schedule.
It's nothing.
You are my guests.
And that's my number one priority.
Peace and order.
I rushed here as soon as
I learned what happened.
Those gays must be charged.
Drunk driving! Look what happened.
That's what I am about to ask you.
Can you spare the gays for me?
I need them for the contest tonight.
My constituents are expecting them.
If they get detained,
I'll run out of gays.
Alright. I get it now, it's fine.
I won't have them arrested.
Thanks for understanding, cousin.
I need to keep my constituents happy.
I want them to feel that I care.
Come on now.
Do you have plans to run for mayor?
Don't be silly.
Why else am I doing this?
I need to be on their good side.
Is it clear?
- All clear.
- Yes, ma'am.
Let's do this to be fair.
Make the gays cover the expenses
for repairs and doctor's fees.
There is a cash prize.
Just deduct it then.
Okay, that's doable.
But they should win first.
Our town has very high standards.
Doctor, how's my son Junior?
He's fine.
Thank you Lord, Hallelujah!
To play safe, have tests
done at the hospital.
Maybe after the wedding.
Thank you very much.
They'll all be awake in a while.
Cousin, I need to get back to the office.
My staff are already looking for me.
I'll just see you tomorrow at the wedding.
Wait up, I'll walk you out.
- Doctor, I will be back.
- Yes, thank you, doctor.
Sure.
Again, thank you very much.
Is your outfit for tomorrow ready?
Yes, I fitted my gown last night.
- You had a fitting?
- Obviously.
- Bye!
- Bye!
Unit 2, Unit 2. Vehicle ready?
- Vehicle ready?
- Roger, sir.
Everyone calm down. Don't push each other.
Chairwoman Joy is on the move! Make way!
- Move!
- Move aside!
Are they alive?
They are.
But, Mother...
If I don't eat, I will die ahead of them.
Where is their food?
What kind of a gig is this?
Fine! Just wait. I'll see what I can do.
You're such a pain.
- Clear whatever's in the way.
- Yes, Chairwoman.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Unit 3, the eagle has landed.
Secure the facility!
Chairwoman.
How did it go? Did they agree?
Things have been settled.
No case will be filed.
Good thing no one was hurt.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- Good thing the woman is my cousin.
Thank you very much.
Good thing I'm their wedding sponsor.
- Thank you!
- Good thing I am the chairwoman here.
If it wasn't for me, you'd be behind bars!
What will you do without me?
Yes, you're the best, Chairwoman Joy!
Thank you for everything.
You're the one and the only.
Okay, but there's a catch.
- What is it?
- You need to cover doctor's fees.
Also the car repairs.
Do you have insurance?
I don't.
All the more reason you need to win.
We will deduct payables
from the prize money.
- For real?
- Yes!
But don't worry.
We have big time sponsors.
A whopping 100,000 pesos
will be awarded to the winner.
That should be enough
to solve this problem.
But let's not run the numbers yet.
I have a lot to do as a public servant.
Chairwoman, one last thing.
- What is it?
- Don't you have any food?
Our breaths reek already.
Is that what I smell?
Thank goodness, you're up.
Get your make-up done!
And put on a good amount, you need it.
Who are you? Faggot!
You're tough now?
Who's shouting?
There's the screaming faggot, Mother!
Are you alright? Do you have fever?
- Don't touch me!
- Anyone have paracetamol?
Here's another faggot!
I know you! I've seen you before.
You're the faggot
who almost killed us last week!
Whatever act you've prepared
as talent is impressive!
You're getting us worked up, right girls?
That's Oscar-worthy!
- Best actress!
- Winner!
You're cursed! Heathens!
You will all burn in hell!
Homosexuals!
- Bravo!
- Fabulous!
Winner!
Hail Mary full of grace,
the Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women and
blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother
of God, pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Thank You Lord,
for the answered prayer! Hallelujah!
Honey!
- Thank God you're alright.
- Oh god!
- Thank goodness you're awake!
- Get away, you lesbian!
- Honey!
- Who are you? Where am I?
- Honey
- Stop calling me honey!
It's me, Salve. Your wife!
Again with that. Wait up.
Hold on. Wife?
Are you alright?
Why would I marry a girl?
Hello? Excuse me!
Hello
What happened to me?!
Where did my beauty go? Why
Why is my hairline receding?
And my face is so puffy!
Are those wrinkles?
And I am so fat!
Honey?
Step aside.
- You cant leave.
- What do you mean I can't?!
I said you can't, please!
We still have a contest to win.
The prize money is huge.
And I need you to win it!
What contest are you talking about?
Whatever it is, I don't care. I said move!
Help! Ladies!
Girls, help. She's so strong!
- Help!
- Let go of me!
- You are all gays!
- Shut up!
Oh!
- Wow, the drama's getting intense.
- Let me go!
I said stop it!
No!
You faggots!
Come here!
- I said let me go!
- That's enough!
I said hands off, you kidnappers!
What the heck?
My God, most high and mighty!
You who judge us all.
If I, for a moment,
did wrong and went astray...
Please forgive me, my God.
And should my soul be taken,
why did You place me in this body?
Who are you?
Who am I?
Why am I this beautiful?!
I'm so gorgeous!
I'm fabulous!
They're real!
I'm now a woman!
Access granted!
Blesilda?
You might get hurt.
Who are you? Mom?
- Kidnappers!
- Yumi?
Don't tell me you're one of them.
Where's Yumi?
I need to see Yumi!
Yumi? Is there a Yumi here?
None.
I'm getting married.
It's the most
important day for Yumi and I.
Do you want to get smacked too?
Yumi's waiting for me at the altar.
Are you drunk or am I?
It must be you, Mother.
Hey, where are you going?!
- I don't have my winner for later!
- My God!
- Run after her! Get her back here!
- Ouch, that hurt!
Whilhelmina! Sister, where are you going?
Hey!
Let her be.
That's less competition for us.
Let's go back.
- Let's go.
- Correct, sis.
Let's go.
Sir! Sir!
Can you help me?
What is it beautiful?
Beautiful?
How do I get to San Rafael Resort?
There are jeepneys headed that way.
Great. Thanks, sir.
You're welcome Miss Beautiful.
Miss Beautiful?
Where have my boobs gone?
Oh my god.
Blast from the past.
You came back to life
Face is cute though.
In fairness, it's like
Like a Chinese princess.
But I spent so much on my hips, my boobs,
my hormone shots. Now this!
What's this?!
Back to zero?
Yumi?
Junior?
This is scheduled for tomorrow.
My love, this is it!
Huh?
- Wait! Wait!
- Why?
You're too early!
What are you doing here?
Don't you realize my love?
We are just hours away
from getting married.
So?
Do we fight the urge?
Urge to what?
To start a family!
Excuse me.
My love, let's make babies now, please.
Little Yumis, little Juniors.
Come on!
But how?
Let me show you.
I know we've waited for so long.
And we always did the right thing.
But what's one mistake right?
Just this once!
- Here we go, my love!
- Wait!
Here we go!
Please don't take off your clothes.
But why?
I'll just get envious.
Of what?
I mean
The boys will envy me
once I marry you tomorrow.
My love, stop!
My love!
But your boobs look great.
- Really?
- Yes, girl.
Size 38.
36 Cup C.
36 Cup D my love.
Perfect. It's gorgeous!
It's all yours, my love!
How much did it cost?
Huh?
I mean, where did you get them done?
I mean, never mind. Never mind.
Excuse me, my love.
You know, I'm 100% real.
From head to foot.
You are the chosen one!
Yes, I am!
- My love, take this off now. Come on.
- Wait!
This is bound to happen, don't be shy.
Come on now!
Hold on!
- What now?
- Just a second.
Yumi...
It's Yumi right?
Okay.
Girl, I think it's
just your nerves talking.
And it's putting thoughts into your head.
And also...
it's your big day tomorrow right?
If we do it tonight,
you'll look haggard tomorrow!
Do you want that?
We don't.
So get it together, girl!
Our goal tomorrow is
to take center stage and
Bam! Be fresh and fab.
Isn't that what we want?
You're right my love.
Maybe it's just nerves. I'm sorry.
Don't be nervous. It's just a wedding.
But the gown...
The shoes...
Are they stunning?
Of course they are.
Are the make-up artists top-notch?
Of course, my love.
That's my girl!
That's what you need
to focus on, your beauty!
Not coming here to get some action.
Get a hold of yourself.
But, my love.
I don't want to leave in vain.
Can I at least have a request?
What now?
Kiss me.
Come on. Off you go.
- My love!
- Head out, girl.
Come on, please!
Don't be shy!
You like that, huh? Kiss me first.
My love
See you tomorrow!
- See you.
- I love you!
Rest well!
- Rest! Rest!
- I love you!
What doesn't she get?
I said leave me alone!
Bro.
Let's go for a swim.
Swimming?
Let's go!
Stop!
Just go straight
and you will reach the place.
- Thank you, sir.
- Take care, miss.
Hey! Miss Beautiful.
Dude, we have a mermaid in our midst.
So flawless.
I'll be off. I'm in a hurry.
What a deep voice.
You sound more like a beast.
Or like a faggot?
Gay? Who's gay?
Wait a minute.
You're rude.
Here.
Take a shot first.
I'm in a hurry.
Stay a while.
We have food here. Chick-and-eggs.
More like a chick... with eggs.
That's yummy.
Hey!
Now that's just offensive!
You mean you're my best friend?
Of course.
And you're my best man?
Yes.
So can we swim now?
The chairwoman is coming! Make way!
Chairwoman.
Oh, what is the meaning of this?
Let me go!
I'm calling on all the saints in heaven.
Raise me from this hellhole! Save me!
What is this? Is this a skit?
Are they practicing?
Wanda, Whitney, enough!
If this is a prank, you win!
Don't be an embarrassment
to the chairwoman!
No, no! It's okay.
Go ahead, practice some more. Proceed!
Wanda? Who's Wanda?
Whitney who?
Rodrigo.
Rodrigo is my name.
Rodrigo?
- Dad?
- Who are you?
Dad...
It's me, Blesilda!
My daughter?
Yes, Dad.
It's me.
What happened to your face?
Dad!
Dad, I thought we died and went to hell.
What is happening?
- That was great.
- I don't know either.
I don't understand.
Have mercy on us, Oh Lord.
Amen! Amen! Amen!
This is next level crazy!
Maybe it's just hunger.
Apologies for the late lunch.
Guards, what are you waiting for?
- Feed the gays!
- Lunch is here!
Eat up said the chairwoman!
Everybody eat!
That was great. Good job!
It's spilling!
- It's spilling! Utensils? Spoon and fork?
- Go eat!
Jump in. It's cold.
It is!
I don't understand
why you're acting the way you are.
But if this is a joke,
can you please stop?
Joke?
This is the joke.
This body is the joke. Why did I get fat?
Sis, dad bods are hot these days.
You're one to talk.
It's like you won the lottery ten times.
Look at you.
You're a perfect savage queen.
While here I am...
Tattered...
Torn... An old has-been!
Sis, don't give up just yet!
There's still a market for you!
Momshie wants her own scene.
Enough with the crying, Mom.
Did you see how your dad acted?
What will happen
when your brother moves out?
Or once you become a nun?
- What? Me? Become a nun?
- I'll have to deal with your dad alone.
I'll be sent back to live with nuns?
No! I don't want to,
I've been there and it's sad and boring!
You don't want to become a nun anymore?
Now?
With this face?
And with this body?
Nah-uh!
This beauty has no business in a convent.
Remember what you said in church?
Is that true?
What did I tell you?
That...
You want us to be together...
until the end.
I said that?
Yes.
I hope nothing changes between us.
Despite your marriage to Yumi.
Let's still see each other, be together...
Talk constantly...
Sure.
That's all you can say? Sure?
Don't you get it?
Be straightforward.
What do you really want to tell me?
I love you.
I've loved you for so long.
Wait.
But as a friend?
Not as a friend.
OMG!
- You're in love with your best friend?
- Yes.
And he had no clue all this time?
Yes, but... now you know, right?
You're not mad at me?
Not at all!
I'm even rooting for you guys.
It's like
It's like a boys' love story.
Congratulations!
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon.
Hi, sir.
Stop with the sir.
- Hi sir!
- Hi sir, good afternoon.
Hi.
Are you friends with the groom?
We are gym buddies.
He knows me from triathlons.
We do Muay Thai together.
Muay Thai? Interesting.
Oh, our dates are here.
Hello!
- Have a drink!
- Take a shot!
Straight full shot!
Get ready for us boys!
- Come back!
- Come back here!
Are they also guests?
They're make-up artists
for Yumi and her entourage.
Ah, they're make-up artists.
- Yes.
- Yes, sir.
Fabulous!
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thanks, sir!
Is congratulations all you can say?
What are you expecting then?
When someone tells you, "I love you,"
congratulations is not the response.
Instead, say, "I love you too."
I'm sorry.
But I cannot speak for myself.
Let me just ask you this then.
But you can only answer me with either
a yes or a yes.
Do you love me too?
Guard! Open the gate.
Miss. The resort is closed.
We have a private booking.
I know that. Let me in.
Miss, we have a guest list.
I'm not in the guest list.
Because I am the groom.
What?
Hold on. I need to clear this.
Delta one.
- Good afternoon, sir.
- Good afternoon, sir.
Hi, good afternoon, girls.
How may we be of help?
Yes but...
First, attend to the boys waiting for you.
Really?
Sir, you must be kidding.
Why would I prank you?
Go on, stop being choosy.
- You think you're pretty?
- This must be a prank.
Of course not. Now go!
Hurry!
Go forth and multiply!
Go!
Winner!
Boogsh!
Boogsh!
- You can't touch this!
- My dear.
What are you wearing?
Enough with the drama, Mom.
Let me entertain you.
Let's pick my wedding party dress!
They're all gorgeous!
What do I do?
Oh! I know. Here, Mom.
For more content, take a video.
- There.
- I should?
- How do I?
- Make me look tall.
From here?
Five, six, seven, eight!
Nena girl is still a tot
Tiny tot said um-ah, um-ah-ah
Nena girl is now a teen
Bratty teen said um-ah, um-ah-ah
Nena girl is now a tease
Sexy tease said um-ah, um-ah-ah
- Yes, Mom!
- Like that?
Back it up, Momshie.
Um-ah, um-ah-ah
- Wait, why?
- Ouch!
Wait, what's happening to you?
- It hurts!
- Oh no.
Your dysmenorrhea must acting up again.
I didn't know it would be this painful.
Wait, did you bring your medicine?
What medicine? Might be in my bag.
Oh no! Hold on!
- Oh no!
- Oh!
What do we do?
Momshie, I'm so sorry!
I didn't mean it.
I'll leave you to it.
They were just hungry all along.
Go ahead, Chairwoman.
Your constituents must be waiting.
Yes. Let's go!
Make way, make way!
Chairwoman Joy is on the way!
Make way!
- Joy?
- Yes?
It's me, Rod.
Rodrigo, husband of your cousin Salve.
I didn't recognize you.
It's been a while.
And you seem to have gained weight.
Much more difficult for me
to recognize you because
my cousin's husband doesn't look like you.
It's me! Rodrigo.
You're a godmother at my son's wedding.
You even offered to sponsor
a live band and a roasted pig.
Blesilda! Pay your respects.
That's your Aunt Joy.
That's definitely not
how I remember Salve's only girl.
Beauty runs in our family.
What happened to you?
- Joy...
- What?
You need to help us.
I need to find Salve.
Mom, where are we going?
We're going to town!
Let's find a replacement for
the dress you stained.
Wow! We're going shopping!
Yes. But we need to hurry
as they close the stores early.
- Let's go then!
- Yes, come on.
- What now?
- The pain is piercing.
- What's happening?
- Move slowly.
- It's so painful!
- You're so dramatic.
Come on, let's go.
- Come in.
- But how?
Come on.
Go ahead! My goodness, this girl.
That's my mom! She's with me!
Please stop the vehicle!
Blesilda! Where are you going?
Mom!
Ma'am, let's check your bag first.
Thank you!
- There you go.
- Are we good? Are you happy?
- Alright, let's go.
- Mom!
How about this one?
Mom!
Perfect! Thank you.
Let's go!
Great!
- Let's go there, Mommy!
- Okay.
Oh, here!
Boogsh! Mommy! Do you like this?
That looks great!
- It looks tailor-made for you.
- But, wait.
We need to lift the hemline
and lower the neckline.
Let's not put my long legs away.
- Or my cleavage to waste.
- Right.
- Let's show them!
- We also need to emphasize your waist
Hold on! I know they do alterations here.
Miss!
Miss! Miss?
Mother?
Mom!
Give me back my body!
Give me back my mom!
What? This is your mother?
That's my mother!
How could that be?
My mother is your mother too?
Just my mother.
What do I know about your mother.
This mother is your mother?
That mother is my mother!
You, you're a mother.
She's saying you are her mother.
Hold on, who is this?
Why did they allow
a beggar inside the mall?
- Guard!
- Mom...
Mom... this is me, Blesilda!
You liar!
I don't know how to lie.
That is against the eighth commandment.
"Thou shall not bear
false witness against your neighbor."
- Whatever, you're an impostor!
- Wait! Hold on!
- Wait, stop
- You're a witch!
- You witch!
- Stop it
Stop!
I said stop!
Wait, who are you?
Ah, I recognize you.
You are one of the gays
who hit our car. Yes, that's you!
Please believe me.
I'm Blesilda, your daughter!
We have not been close
but I love you so much.
It hurts me seeing you
happy with this fraud!
Momshie, please take care of me.
- She's so scary!
- Hush.
Don't worry.
Mom, it's me.
Where are you taking my daughter?
She's your child?
She's causing a disturbance here.
Guard, please send them out!
- Move to the side. Make way!
- Salve...
Everyone can take a picture...
It's me, Rodrigo.
Your husband.
What?
What are you saying?
Salve, let me explain.
I'm running out of makeup
yet I still look hideous.
Just have more color.
Rodrigo switched souls with
With Wanda.
And Blesilda's soul went to
Whitney.
The accident must have something
to do with this.
And more likely, Junior's soul
is swapped with
the soul of your missing girl.
Whilhelmina.
This is just my hunch.
But I'm the person who's always right.
Promise!
I miss you, Mom.
Why did you lie to me?
Please forgive, Whitney.
I apologize on her behalf.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was getting my wish
to have a...
a real family.
A real mother.
Whitney is an orphan.
What I said earlier was true.
I used to live in a convent.
The nuns there raised me.
I escaped and saw Mother Wendy
and her girls perform.
I never looked back.
That's why I took her in.
I needed an assistant anyway.
And she's also in training
so she can join pageants.
I'm very sorry.
But still...
I'm grateful to have felt what it's like
to have my own mother.
Salve, hon...
This is still me, Rodrigo.
Your husband who loves you so much.
Believe me.
You know what, you are handsome.
Thank you.
You seem nice too.
I am.
And you are crazy for your best friend.
More than you think.
But I am a good person.
And I believe in karma.
Because if I were to
give in to my bad side,
we've left the pool already.
We'd be in the room by now.
But what?
But I am not what you think I am.
Because you're straight?
Is that it?
You're straight?
Straight?
Me?
It's so hard to explain, wait!
I thought you could see past that.
After everything we've been through...
that might overpower your preference.
That's a thing, right?
Being fluid?
I'm sorry.
Come on. Don't blame yourself.
Well at least, now you know.
I took a chance and I blew it.
Wait up!
Looks like what?
She's pretty?
Pretty but... sounds manly?
Alright. We'll be on our way. Bye.
Who was that?
It's the resort manager.
- And?
- Someone's trying to get in the resort
pretending to be the groom.
It's a woman but she acts like a man.
- What?
- And also...
She looks like Karen Davila.
- That's Whilhelmina!
- That's her? Let's go then!
Get my bag!
- Hurry!
- Come on!
Go straight.
Where are your IDs? Your names please?
Okay, you're on the list.
You may Hey, miss!
- Yumi! Yumi, where are you?
- Delta one!
Miss!
Miss, come back here!
Delta one, we have an intruder!
Oh well. I think
this is all there is to it.
The eyeliner's used up. I did my best.
But this will do.
I look like a Chenee-Daria cross.
Hans!
Hans, right? Hans?
What?
I'm heartbroken and you make fun of me.
Stop with the drama.
Everything just happened so fast.
You dropped bombs one after the other.
I was just surprised.
So there's a chance?
A chance for us?
I can't say for sure because...
Because if we talk about being fluid,
that should take time?
Time to realize that something solid
can transform into liquid and be fluid.
Not to string you along but...
I think you have to give it time.
Can I kiss you?
What?
Party!
- Woohoo!
- Party!
Yumi! Yumi, where are you?
Yumi!
The vehicle is hardly moving.
Lose some weight!
I will try ma'am.
The Chairwoman is coming!
Step to the side!
Make way!
Where is the Karen Davila lookalike?
She got past me ma'am.
The other guards are searching for her.
She got away? That way?
The Chairwoman is on the move!
Don't flock around Chairwoman Joy!
Move!
Step aside!
Please, just one kiss.
Come on.
Bro!
What's the meaning of this?
Who are you?
Right back at you!
Whatever evil spirit is in you,
give me back the body you stole!
Stole?
Excuse me?
Did I ask for this?
The nerve! What are you gloating about?
These delts? Your abs? This V-line?
Girl! I want none of it. It's all yours!
I worked hard for that body.
What makes you think
I didn't do the same for mine?
Would you like to know how much I spent
on my barbie forehead, my nose,
my boobs, my hips,
and for my underarm laser procedure?
How much?
Nothing you can afford!
And you, Hans!
Bro!
What was that?
Why were you about to kiss me?
Who the hell are you?
Newsflash!
Your best man is in love with you.
He confessed his love for you to me.
You get it?
You're gay, bro?
What do you think you are then?
Wait!
There is no fighting in my jurisdiction!
Peace and order is my number one priority.
Who are you?
I'm Junior, Auntie.
And you are?
I am the most beautiful and sexiest girl
under Mother Wendy's care.
Whilhelmina.
See?
Didn't I tell you? I'm always right!
Okay.
Let's talk.
But before we do, can you all promise...
to keep everything between us,
down to the last detail?
- I promise.
- Promise.
That's right, Chairwoman Joy.
We can't go telling everyone
that Hans is gay
when he only wanted Junior to know.
Is it wrong to love?
And you, Junior.
Don't belittle and brush off
what Hans just did.
That was not easy!
He was willing to risk everything
just to let you know his true feelings
even losing you.
Aw, that's touching.
Bro...
do you still love me
even if I look like this?
Or do you love me
because I look like that?
Of course, I want the total package.
Okay. Case closed! Moving on!
Hold on.
Out of all the craziness
that happened, it seems that
Whitney got the best deal.
Aunt Salve, your daughter is so beautiful!
Thank you.
That's what you think.
If I have to go through this pain
every month, I'm better off without it.
Not all gays want to be women.
She has a point.
Right?
Hang on One, two, three, four, five
There should be six of us, right?
Where's my gay-penetrated body?
Body shot!
- Body shot!
- Party!
Body shot!
Body shot!
Body shot!
Hey!
Go back to your rooms!
The wedding starts early.
Hey, wait!
Hey, let's party!
Where are you going?
What are you wearing?
What did you do to my face?
You made fun of me!
You shamed me in front of everyone!
In front of guests!
You turned me into a joke!
You're disgusting!
Why?
Didn't they have a great time?
They even said
you were very pretty.
And that lifting earlier?
They thought you were heavy.
But you weren't and they did very well.
Homo! You are sickening!
All of you! Fags!
Careful, Rod.
You fail to see who surrounds you.
Even if you turn the world upside down,
or you swap our bodies and souls,
the truth remains that being gay is a sin!
- Rod! Hon!
- Fags!
Sir, it's already 2023!
But you seem to be living in World War 1.
If that's how you see us,
what are we doing here?
Let's go girls.
We still have a pageant to win.
We can do this regardless. Come on!
Mother Wendy!
Please don't leave.
And why?
My wedding needs to push through.
No! Let them leave!
They're useless!
Dad! You don't know what you're saying!
On my way here, I was obscenely insulted
by drunk men because of how I look.
They called me names.
Poof, faggot, chick-and-eggs.
If it wasn't for
my Muay Thai skills, I'd be dead.
And you're no different from them.
It's people like you who need to change!
Not them!
You're in the body
of someone like them right?
Is there a difference?
It's has nothing to do with
the clothes, or the makeup,
or whether you've
had plastic surgery or not.
What's important
is what your soul yearns for.
And for me, that's Yumi.
And Yumi alone.
So please, Mother Wendy, don't go.
Since your acceptance speech
is very convincing,
we will help you.
But...
you have to help us too.
In what way?
- Stay still. You look beautiful!
- Pack it up!
- You are stunning!
- Fix it.
Smile!
Go slowly!
Oh!
Why are you hiding your face?
Honey that's too high!
- Too high!
- Hold on. It's fine.
- I'll fix it.
- You're not listening!
We will teach you how to tuck!
You can do it like this.
How do you pull the tip?
- You will slide it in.
- Oh!
Clutch it.
And tuck backwards.
- Voila!
- Yahoo!
Is it difficult?
Thank you for that wonderful question.
I do believe...
Okay, let's say the question is
"What is the essence
of being in a beauty pageant?"
"What is the essence of being a gay?"
So you can answer
World peace is our future.
'Cause anti-bullying is our children.
Because the poor is the purpose.
If there's environment, there's a war.
If education is the climate change,
I think the best version
of myself is equality.
Just spew out flowery words.
- Then answer with confidence.
- So that's how it's done.
And how do you end it?
That's all and I thank you!
My beloved constituents!
The candidates for Miss Gay Kabogera 2023!
Hi! Enjoy yourselves.
Good evening, everyone.
My name is Whilhelmina Wilwayco
and I believe in the saying
"If I don't look pretty in your eyes,
the next contestant
will make you think otherwise."
That's right!
My name is Soneo Lakambini.
Those who will not clap
will look like me in a snap!
"Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord
is to be praised."
Proverbs Chapter 31 Verse 30.
My name is Wanda Wong.
From the land of mooncakes, fish cakes,
rice cakes... Binondo, Manila!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
My name is Winona Williams,
from Ususan, Taguig.
- Thank you.
- Go!
It's your turn! Go on!
Good luck, dear.
Dad! Where are you going?
I can't do this anymore.
Come on, Dad!
We've talked about this.
What do you want me to do?
Make fun of myself?
Join that queer clownery?
Go through it if you want to!
I'm leaving.
Dad!
I beg of you.
Let's get this over with.
If not for Yumi, please just do it for me.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
- Woo!
- Woohoo!
Oh my, that was painful!
Your question, candidate number 1.
What is the essence
of being Miss Gay Kabogera?
For me, it's enlightenment.
Learning to respect other people
however they identify.
So if I happen to win tonight,
I would dedicate it to my family.
Thank you.
And finally, let's call on
candidate number 2!
Thank you for that wonderful question.
I do believe that equality
is the best version of myself
because the important
is the climate change,
the education of the environment,
and that's the purpose
of the poor of the children.
Anti-bullying, future of world peace.
That's all, I thank you.
Very nice.
Excellent, candidate number 2!
Good job, everyone!
Let's give it up for all our candidates!
Oh my! Who will take the crown tonight?
Our top two candidates!
Who is going to be
our next Miss Gay Kabogera 2023?
Ladies, please come forward
Candidate number 1 and candidate number 2!
Come forward. There you go.
Okay.
The first name I'm going to call will be
our new Miss Gay Kabogera 2023!
Who will it be?
Candidate number...
I love you all... Candidate number...
2!
Congratulations candidate number 2!
Of course, our first runner-up
none other than candidate number 1!
Congratulations candidate number 2!
Thank you so much.
Congratulations also
to candidate number 1!
Let's take a picture!
Thank you! I love you all! Thank you!
Congratulations!
Hey! You did great.
- You need a retouch.
- No, it's okay.
Just a little...
- Ouch!
- Stand up straight!
Lower your voice.
You had better act convincing.
Why don't you do it yourself?
A deal is a deal. You have to do this.
I am doing it!
Help me coach him, please?
I don't want anyone to notice.
And I don't want Yumi to be weirded out.
It's her day.
Do it for me.
I got you.
And the kiss!
- Make sure it's a smack.
- I know!
Just a smack.
I will post this.
Oh, hello there!
Hi, my love.
Tonight's the night!
Are you ready for me?
Hi, Father!
Father, game on!
You may now kiss the bride!
This is it, my love! Woo!
Wait
Junior, stay here.
We're married, guys!
Tonight's the night my love! I'm so ready!
Thank you.
Hello? Hello?
Hello! I would like
to propose a toast to our newlyweds.
May your union be
peaceful, calm, and endless.
And as your second parent
I am ready to serve
any time, any day.
Because with Chairwoman Joy,
there's joy every waking day!
Cheers!
Cheers!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
Another one! More!
One more oh!
This is crazy.
What happened, dear?
- He's off to the washroom.
- To the washroom!
Where is he going?
Yes, godmother. Eat some more.
Thank you for coming, everyone.
We really appreciate it.
I am warning you.
What, are you going to kill me?
Are you some kind of
a murderer or something?
If anything happens
between you and Yumi tonight,
you know what I'll do?
What?
I'll blow up your boobs!
Bro! Bro, that's enough!
If there's anyone you should warn,
it's not me!
It's Yumi!
She's been trying to expedite
your honeymoon since yesterday.
Get it together
or I'll make you flat-chested, you hear?
Give me that.
Can you talk to your best friend?
He's going crazy.
I'm off, you lunatics!
Are you alright, bro?
Look, my job here is done.
It was an honor being your best man.
I'll be off.
Hang on.
Bro, thank you so much.
Whilhelmina told me
everything you told her.
She did?
Okay.
At least, I don't have to repeat myself.
Sorry.
I love you but...
not like that.
I hope we remain friends... until the end.
You look great!
I'll help you find your match.
My love!
Love.
Tonight's the night!
Are you ready for me, my... hubby?
Ready for what?
My love, are you ready to...
I will do that?
In return, I will...
You can do that?
Of course I can!
And then the two of us will...
What?!
Your mind is so filthy!
Your mouth is also very filthy!
No! No! No!
No!
- Dad
- Come on, Junior!
Something might happen to Yumi!
I thought
you already talked to Whilhelmina?
They might do something!
Junior, come to me!
Come on Junior!
- Don't be shy!
- Stop!
- But why?
- Stop! Stop.
Time first.
I'm feeling dizzy.
My love... are you all warmed up already?
I'm good to go!
Here.
These are two towels.
Fold them again
so you can warm up.
Huh?
Yes! Turn them into swans again.
If you don't like swans, try an elephant.
If you don't like
elephants, try a dinosaur.
If you don't like dinosaurs,
build a snowman!
Junior, calm down.
You will make Yumi more confused.
Don't worry.
Whilhelmina is more feminine
than all of us combined, right?
Here's the snowman!
Wow! You really did it, girl.
I can do anything for you!
And you can do anything with me, my love!
But, Yumi...
Enough with the talking!
It's game time, love!
So game!
Here we go!
Game, love!
Where's my Junior?! Junior!
My love! Oh god.
Oh, wow!
Looks like some
girl-on-girl action is happening.
My god, Mother. So nasty!
That's enough, Wanda!
My goodness
- Son, hold on!
- My dear, wait up!
Yumi!
Yumi, stop that!
Who are you?!
What are you doing here?
Stop that, Yumi!
Because of the accident yesterday,
souls switched between
Papa and Wanda,
Blesilda and Whitney,
and me...
and Whilhelmina.
So to whom did I get married earlier?
Not to Junior?
You only got married to my body today.
I hope that...
even though I look like this...
you will still accept me.
Neshama sheli.
Neshama sheli.
Neshama sheli.
Neshama what?
Neshama sheli.
It's a Hebrew term
from the bible which means,
"my life, my soul."
Whatever.
I choose you, Junior.
Not just how you look,
but for who you truly are.
I love you because of your heart...
because of your soul...
Neshama sheli!
But how can we fix this?
We can't stay like this forever.
Oh! I know someone who can help us.
And who is that?
Hello...
- Anyone home?
- Who is it?
Brother Kim! What's up?
Where did the accident take place?
At the zigzag road near the cliff.
There were hills on the way.
Is this the place?
- Yes! That's exactly it.
- That looks like it.
It's called the Magnetic Hill.
When did the accident happen?
Yesterday.
Same day as the solar eclipse.
Correct!
Did you know
that the magnetic force of the hill
combined with
the gravitational pull of the sun and moon
combined with the impact of the accident
can cause a certain phenomenon
called soul swapping?
That's what happened to you.
Oh, wow!
It also happened 13 years ago.
Did things get back to normal?
They did but only
after recreating the accident
at the same spot where it happened.
Then what are we waiting for?
Come on, let's crash into each other!
But you also need another solar eclipse.
When will the next one be?
You should know.
Based on my research
and on scientific data,
the next solar
eclipse will happen again...
in seven years.
- What?
- What?!
That's too long!
We didn't have a choice
but to live together.
To look for each other
and to protect each other,
like when Axel kept bothering us.
Levina!
Effort! And one, two...
To keep ourselves healthy
and to maintain our beauty
Self-care is important right?
We bonded over
birthdays and anniversaries.
Cheers!
And we found support in one another.
In finding new love
yes, another Filipina success story!
When Mother Wendy had
liver problems because of alcohol
that scared us.
She's better but she misses drinking.
Blesilda is still part of the choir.
Amazing, right?
Mayor Joy is here.
But even more amazing is
Chairwoman Joy becoming mayor.
CITY OF SAN RAFAEL
- One more time!
- One more, please.
Seven years, seven Christmases
we all waited for this moment.
Did you know that eclipse
is from the Greek work ekleipsis
which means to transform or to change.
Solar eclipse is to the sun
as lunar eclipse is to the moon.
So you need to do it
exactly as the moon has covered the sun.
You need to wait for the exact moment.
And did you also know
you only have one chance!
The moon should completely cover the sun
and you should crash into each other
at the very same spot.
- Is this dangerous?
- It is.
- Can it cost us our lives?
- It may.
Then why should we do it?
My love...
I love you the way you are.
Let's not go through this anymore please?
- Love...
- Maybe let's not?
We're already here.
We've waited seven long years for this.
Let's take this chance!
So we can fix things.
I'm sure the Lord will protect us.
Enough with the drama! Let's just do this.
Let's go!
Let's do this!
Positions please! It's happening!
Back off!
Almost there!
On my count...
Three!
Two!
One!
Go!
If youre happy
and you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy
and you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy
and you know it, then laugh
Ha! Ha! Ha!
If youre happy and you know it
Do some twerking
Twerking!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the duck walk
Duck walk!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!
If you're happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!
Hey guys! Blesilda has not danced yet.
- Blesilda!
- Blesilda!
Come on!
My god! My god!
If youre happy and you know it
Do some twerking
Twerking!
If youre happy and you know it
Do the duck walk
Duck walk!
If youre happy and you know it
Jesus will be happy
If youre happy and you know it
Do the death drop
Death drop!