Hunting Season 2: Ups and Downs (2024) Movie Script

- Do you need help?
- No, I've almost got it.
- Are you sure you don't need help?
- I've almost got it.
See! What did I tell you?
Oh, I've brought some work home.
HUNTING SEASON 2
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
THE WORLD'S BEST CLOWN
- Hi, honey.
- Are you home?
I'm at Jan's. Is everything okay?
Dad says you haven't paid
for my school trip yet.
Right.
I'll get it done right away.
- Okay, but hurry.
- Yes. See you.
Oh, fuck!
- Problems?
- No, everything's fine.
Any news about
those applications you wrote?
I haven't heard anything yet.
It'll happen.
- Coffee?
- Can I have it to go?
As I told you yesterday and the day
before, we've received your application.
Is it an oversight that I wasn't
called in for an interview?
No, I don't believe so.
- An unfortunate mistake?
- No.
I'm almost never sick. When everyone
else was suffering with COVID -
- all I got was a runny nose.
And I won't need any bonuses.
We've already hired someone else.
And are you happy with this person?
Hello?
Damn!
Take it easy, Eva.
Well, Eva, I see you still
haven't managed to find a job.
You'll have to join a job activation
programme in Lalandia Water Park soon.
So you really need to hurry.
- How many applications have you sent?
- At least 50.
But none of them liked you.
They didn't meet me.
No one gave me an interview.
I see. So they just rejected you
without even meeting you.
- I guess you could say that.
- Your confidence must be way down.
Do you have anyone to comfort you?
A family or...
- I have a partner.
- That's great!
And an 8-year-old
from a previous marriage.
- What does your partner do?
- He's a clown.
Oh yes, I hear you, sister!
There are plenty of those.
- Well, he's actually a clown.
- Okay.
He's a hospital clown.
Here he is. Best partner ever.
Do you share expenses, then?
No, we don't live together.
Okay. So there's not really
any help there either.
I'd prefer to be independent.
- I don't want to bare myself.
- You might have to in your situation.
Just don't bare yourself
in the water park -
- unless you want to make the headlines.
I'd feel like a total failure, since
the market is desperate for workers.
You must be thinking:
What's going on? Why not me?
Why not you?
Hi!
I'm sorry I'm late.
- Nothing new there.
- It's never happened before.
- Where were you?
- I had a meeting.
Hello! Check out those buns.
Marlene, shouldn't you be feeling a bit
sad after ending 20 years of marriage?
Anders isn't feeling sad.
He's already on fucking Tinder!
- It's not a competition.
- She wants to be the first to move on.
You wanted to have moved on
before I found Steen.
- Can I see that?
- Yes.
You haven't paid your membership fee.
Care to renew it?
Not really. Can I get a cheaper plan
if I only use the light weights?
- No.
- Let me pay for it.
- No, you're not paying.
- Just let Bella pay!
I'll just skip it today.
I think I overdid it last time.
- You'll just watch?
- I'll watch.
- You'll only watch.
- I promise.
Have a good workout!
Don't give up, Marlene! You'll be
wrestling with the big guns soon.
- What?
- Nothing.
You didn't tell her?
Marlene got a promotion.
- My boss gave me more responsibility.
- Mine wanted to shag in the copy room.
- She got a raise, too.
- Wow! Congratulations.
- You'll find something soon.
- You should apply at CO.wer.
They're looking for a project manager.
It's an amazing start-up.
They make sustainable clothing.
One of Steen's friends owns it,
Jacob Martin.
- Steen doesn't know a Jacob Martin.
- Maybe they met after the divorce.
He doesn't care about gender and age.
It's all about personality.
- He's pan, too.
- Pan?
Pansexual. Gender doesn't concern him.
It's all about your energy.
Energy! You have that!
And your CV is fine, too.
You can't really afford to be picky.
Steen can put in a good word for you.
He helped Jacob Martin get a loan, too.
He should hire me based on my merits,
not because he knows my ex.
Then call and set up a meeting yourself.
Okay?
Okay.
I'm a really good planner,
and I'm innovative...
I'm very solution-oriented...
That sounds dumb.
Like you,
my focus is on the environment.
I'm sorry!
- What are you doing here?
- Oliver let me in.
- Can you close it?
- Of course.
Thank you!
- I should repair this lock.
- I'll take care of it.
It's okay to ask for help
in a relationship.
Can we talk about that some other time?
Why haven't you paid for the trip yet?
Should I ask Dad?
I'm going to get a job soon.
Then I'll take care of everything.
Time for you two to go. Bye!
- You got a job?
- I have an interview.
- Great! When?
- In less than 45 minutes, so...
Of course.
I'll drive Ollie to football.
Because I'm exactly who you need.
Come on!
You've called Taxi Central.
We're currently very busy.
No!
There are 12 callers ahead of you.
Please hold.
Come on!
What are you doing here?
Why would you call a taxi instead of me?
You'd rather be late
than ask me to drive you.
- I thought you were going to work.
- Ten minutes doesn't make a difference.
Asking for help isn't dangerous, Eva.
- We're together!
- Stop stressing me out.
I have to focus,
because I really need this to happen.
Sorry.
You'll do great. I'm sure of it.
How can he not choose you?
You'll get it.
See you!
You must remember that CO.wer
is so much more than clothes.
It's linen, cashmere, cotton,
but it's all done right.
We're taking responsibility for
ourselves along with all the people...
- Hi.
- Hi!
My name is Eva. I have
a job interview with Jacob Martin.
You're a bit late, so they
had to start a photo shoot.
You'll take over.
- Eva!
- Hi.
- I've looked forward to meeting you.
- Me, too!
I'm in the middle of a photo shoot,
so I'll just be a few seconds.
- Something to drink?
- Sure.
I have a Colombian project
with 20 blind widows in Guatemala.
We have a cacao plantation.
It's very good for you.
- I'd love to try it.
- Super! Bo.
Give me a moment.
I just need to give them some guidance.
- Honey, I can't talk...
- You took my bag.
- What?
- Your bag and CV are here in the car.
- Don't worry. I'm coming back.
- What's that noise?
I accidentally grabbed
my boyfriend's bag. He's a clown.
And now I have this ridiculous clock -
- which won't...
There we go.
That was silly.
I'll be back in just a moment.
Stop it!
It's been making a racket!
I've just paid for Ollie's class trip.
- What?
- I've paid for his class trip.
It's likely that I'll have a job soon,
so I can pay for his trip myself.
Then you'd better hurry back.
- Good luck!
- Thanks, honey!
All right, here I am.
- This is cold. I'll make a new one.
- No, that's okay.
We don't want any food waste here.
Yummy, cacao...
- It's good, right?
- Yes!
Let's see what I have for you...
It's stuck.
- Do you need a hand?
- No, thank you.
Oh no. I'm sorry, Jacob Martin!
Bo, it's cacao.
It's the worst!
I can't get it off. How unfortunate.
No, Bo, this was more than that.
This was fate telling us
that she's a complete waste of time.
She has extremely bad karma.
Hey...
You've got the wrong idea about me.
How about rewinding and starting over?
Bo, why don't you see if you can find
an opening in the calendar for Eva?
- Thanks for coming. Bye.
- But...
Jacob Martin is very, very busy.
Are you sure you can't squeeze me in?
Just a short meeting?
No, the calendar is completely full.
How did it go?
- Not well, then.
- What do you mean?
Are you just assuming I didn't get it?
You got the job?
Seriously? You got the job?
You're amazing!
- Congratulations, honey!
- Thanks!
I mean, wow...
Crazy! When do you start?
It's not settled yet.
But probably soon.
You're amazing!
Landing the job
at the interview is pretty crazy!
Honey, I...
Actually...
- We have to celebrate!
- There's Marlene.
I'd open an extra bottle of champagne
if I were you.
- She got the job.
- You're kidding? Congratulations!
- What did I tell you, Eva?
- That's fantastic!
Well done!
- Honey, come on out!
- Yes.
How wonderful
that you've finally found a job.
- Congratulations to you, too.
- Amazing ladies.
- Hi.
- Hi, Steen!
- Did you tell them?
- No, not yet.
We're celebrating Eva and Marlene.
- Can't I tell them?
- No, not yet.
- Eva just got a new job.
- Yes, but what's this about you?
You're so annoying.
We said we'd wait, but okay.
- Steen proposed.
- Really? Congratulations!
- That's fantastic!
- Yes.
You'll be together till death
do you part, or you get divorced.
I have a meeting
with the vicar in a bit.
- Now?
- It's just some practical stuff.
Don't worry about it. See you!
What an amazing day.
And your hen night!
Eva and the girls arranged
some crazy stuff for mine -
- but it was very sweet, too.
I felt really loved.
- And when Eva married Steen...
- Bella doesn't want to hear about that.
- Right. Well, you split up.
- Right.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh no, it's not about Steen and Eva.
- What is it?
- It doesn't matter.
It's just that I don't have
a lot of female friends.
Oh...
You've got a lot of followers.
Plenty of those!
They just don't really give speeches
or throw hen nights.
My family is just a bit weird.
Except my dad. He's sweet.
- More champagne?
- Yes!
We're drinking too little.
Or too slowly.
Damn. I feel bad for her.
- Let's do something for her.
- I'd like to, but...
- We're her only friends!
- She has her dad, too.
- I have a lot on my mind lately.
- She just got you a job!
Let's make sure Bella gets
the best hen night ever.
I wasn't supposed to hear that!
Do you really mean it?
- Of course! Right, Eva?
- Of course.
Wow, you guys are so sweet!
- Thank you so much!
- Don't mention it.
Wow, I can see why Jacob Martin
liked you so much, Eva!
- Cheers to us!
- To all of us!
With Bella there's no such thing
as "too much". We're going all in.
Party bus? Of course.
Pole dancing? Why not? Paintball? Yes.
And sumo wrestling. Are you in?
- Sounds fun.
- What's going on with you?
Is it the money?
You haven't been paid yet.
I'll lend you the money.
I have to make a call.
Yes, exactly!
The one with the clock and clown bag.
I just need to say
that I don't have bad karma.
If you can just give me a chance
to convince Jacob Martin...
Hello?
- That wasn't me.
- No, it was your friend.
I think she needs a doctor.
Here.
We can't talk about beer bongs and
party busses here. People are sick.
I was actually thinking about paintball.
Bella loves hunting.
Come on!
Oops! Sorry.
Relax. It'll be a while
before yours looks like that.
Herpes. So painful.
It's so very painful to have herpes.
Control yourself.
You don't know what's wrong with him.
What about pony riding?
It's fun. And cheap.
- But Bella is so generous.
- Yes, but she's loaded.
Doesn't Jacob Martin pay well?
When are you starting?
- Oh man...
- Okay, you need to lie down.
Listen, you two...
My friend really needs to lie down.
Could you go sit down by the lady -
- who seems to have atopic dermatitis?
Yuck!
Just stay in that position.
Relax. There.
You have a fever.
You might have appendicitis.
- Did you try to jump?
- What?
We don't have time for this!
- What do we do?
- We'll skip the queue.
- No, about Bella's hen night.
- We have to postpone it.
- We can't.
- You have appendicitis, okay?
- What now?
- You have to take care of it.
As I told you, I have a lot on my mind.
Steen gave me a list of their
wedding guests. You've got this.
Don't forget the stripper.
- Can we invite whoever we want?
- Yes.
TWO WEEKS
AND AN APPENDECTOMY LATER
Hen night!
I'm so sorry you had to take care
of everything on your own.
- Nice work!
- How's your scar?
- That looks good!
- You should have seen the surgeon.
It was frustrating to go
into full anesthesia.
There they are. Hi!
Was this all you could scrape together?
Wasn't it ladies only?
Jacob Martin is pan.
They get invited to everything.
- It would be prejudiced not to.
- Right, of course.
Hi! Good to see you.
- You're the one who set it up?
- Invited, planned, coordinated...
It's just that in your job interview...
Rule number one:
We don't talk about work today.
- Work is separate from hen night.
- Good idea. Let's stay in the present.
Exactly. Let me introduce everyone.
This is Marlene, my oldest friend.
She's recently divorced.
She was married to Anders,
Steen's friend.
- This is Dorte, Bella's cousin.
- Great cousin.
- What do you do for work again?
- I work at the Suicide Line.
Or, Lifeline, as it's called now.
- You work there?
- I take the calls.
Then we have Jacob Martin.
He's a very close friend -
- of both Steen and Bella, right?
Karen is a vicar and Steen's old
school-mate, and she's marrying them.
- Let's have some fun.
- Yes!
Surprise!
Everyone out!
Is everyone out?
Bye.
- What a disaster!
- Can someone go comfort her?
- She needs a good friend right now.
- I will!
It's very vulnerable when someone
sees you making love to yourself.
- I've been there myself.
- Yuck!
- Bella...
- Bella, I'm sorry!
- Should we wait until you're done?
- It's not that.
Then what?
I'm not getting married after all!
- I don't blame you.
- What are you talking about?
I think Steen is seeing someone else.
He's acting so strangely.
We've barely spent time together lately.
Did you talk to Steen about it?
He says I'm being silly and hysterical.
Am I being hysterical?
No!
Jacob Martin is asking
if we should go home?
- No, let's just wait a moment.
- Waiting is no fun!
I'm handling a major crisis. I think
you should tell Jacob Martin that.
We'll be right there.
Steen wouldn't propose
if he was seeing someone else.
Why would Steen cheat on you?
He's crazy about you!
That's what he says.
Forget all that stuff,
and let's celebrate your hen night.
That's what we'll do!
- Say "bride to be".
- Bride to be!
Eva, I just want to ask you...
What's going to happen now?
- Well, it's a hen night.
- I realise that.
But it's not go-kart and paintball
like with the boys, is it?
- It's something better, right?
- It will be meaningful, of course.
- And organic.
- Organic?
- It's an organic hen night?
- Exactly.
Okay!
What a fantastic idea.
That's brilliant!
- I don't know where I get it from.
- Eva!
Let's go!
Brilliant idea!
Are you coming, girls?
- Could you close your ears?
- Why?
Are we doing paintball first?
What's the plan?
I need to buy a few things first.
Hen night! Cheers!
I've no idea what we're doing,
but I sense we're heading for trouble!
Everybody follow me. This way!
- Do you know what we're doing?
- No.
While I was planning your hen night,
I thought: What do we really want?
- Do we want paintball and a party bus?
- Yes!
No, I don't think it is.
I think we want something deep.
Simple.
- So...
- Right on!
This is hilarious!
- Do you know what we're really doing?
- No. Let me check.
Could you let me in on the plan?
Well, let's start the campfire
and roast some sausages.
What the hell is this?
Where's the party bus?
Marlene,
there isn't going to be a party bus.
We can't waste fossil fuels just
because someone is getting married.
Surely a stripper can't waste
that many fossil fuels.
- Unless he's gassy.
- Come on, Marlene.
I'm sure Eva has some surprises
up her sleeve.
We need to gather some firewood.
Sorry, but you're not allowed
to gather firewood here.
It says so there.
You're supposed to bring it.
Why don't I come to your rescue
and go out and get some?
I did bring firewood.
It's under control. I'll go get it.
Siri, where can I buy firewood?
To report a fire in the woods,
alert the local authorities and...
Firewood! Where can I buy firewood?
To report a fire in the woods...
- Anything else I can help with?
- Fuck you, Siri.
Perfect!
There.
Hey! Hello!
- Hello.
- What are you doing?
Admiring your stacking technique.
Is it from the bottom and up?
It's hard to tell.
It's really well done.
I assume you're the pre-school teacher?
You've booked a nature guide
for your mushroom hunt?
That's correct.
- Where's the group?
- The group?
What was it called?
The Troll Tots.
The Troll Tots!
Well remembered. That's correct.
They're all waiting for you
at the camping ground.
You grab these.
One more. There.
We've arrived in the wilderness!
I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude.
My friends are just amazing.
They're just so positive
and beautiful...
Dorte, do you have to stand there?
This is really solid.
Beet juice, 100%.
This event is
incredibly well thought-out.
I think I might have been
too quick to dismiss Eva.
- Dismiss her?
- Her energy was just so negative.
Really bad karma. And that
just doesn't vibe with my company.
With me it's
"good vibe" or "goodbye".
The Troll Tots are a bit older
than you might think. Just to warn you.
Here we are, friends!
- This is Lasse.
- Hi.
- He's a stripper.
- He's a forager!
- Amazing!
- We're foraging for mushrooms.
What a great idea, Eva!
The mushroom season has just begun.
We've got yellowfoot, boletus
and, of course, ink caps.
Recognisable by
their brandy-coloured caps...
I just love that calm, meditative state
of mind you reach when you forage.
I agree. I do it when I run
into work issues I can't solve.
Then it's all about foraging
and connecting with nature.
- Can I have a word?
- I don't have time right now.
It's fine.
I'll let you have some peace.
The stinking russula is another one
of my all-time favourites.
- You didn't get the job, did you?
- Not as such.
And now you've taken all of us
hostage in this forested hell.
- I need to get this job.
- What about Bella's hen night?
- We're foraging and camping.
- But it's not for Bella.
I just need Jacob Martin
to get to know me a bit better.
Another interesting mushroom
is this one, the liberty cap.
If you were to consume one,
you'd experience a psychedelic trip.
It's an amazing experience, Lasse.
- You've tried it?
- Yes, many times.
- Did we bring any booze?
- Did we?
The plan was to get intoxicated from
nature and each other's company.
- That's so nice, Eva.
- No booze, only bugs and mushrooms.
You need to kick Mushroom-John
into gear, or Bella and I are leaving.
- Does everybody understand the rules?
- Yes.
Whoever chops the most wood
in one minute wins.
Lasse, you can demonstrate.
Organic hen night! I fucking love it!
Solid! That was a clean chop.
Now we just need to decide
who goes next...
- Someone took our spot.
- We need to take a time-out.
I can't be party to objectifying
a nature guide.
Right.
We shouldn't objectify anyone.
- Thank you, Lasse.
- Take care.
Hello. I'm sorry, but we've actually
booked this camping spot -
- several months ago.
- You forgot to book it?
- No, I booked it a long time ago.
Who did you book it through?
- I called the Forest Office.
- The Forest Office?
Exactly. That's who I talked to.
Marlene, can you explain
who I talked to at the Forest Office?
- Right!
- Hi. I'm Jacob Martin.
I have a group of kids
who've looked forward to this trip.
Hello there.
You're on a real camping trip, huh?
Do you know the story
of Hansel and Gretel?
The mushrooms aren't going anywhere.
- We want to go home!
- We're scared of being here.
- What happened?
- We want to go before the witch comes.
It has to be on the kids' terms
if you're spending the night here.
Unbelievable!
- Imagine being that self-absorbed.
- Yes, imagine.
Bella is going to figure out
that you don't give a crap about her.
It's not my fault he's chanting.
Her hen night is as fun
as a guided tour at a clog museum.
- I'll take it from here.
- I'll look like an incompetent idiot.
You'd rather ruin this for Bella
than lose face?
Says the woman trying to shag away
her grief. You're lying to yourself.
At least I'm not lying to my partner.
- No one wants to be with a loser.
- But you're not.
I am. I'm divorced, I've no money,
no job and bad karma.
It's a matter of time before Jan finds
someone with a bit more to offer.
Don't you think lying to him is worse?
If I get the job
it won't be a lie any longer, will it?
Then fuck the chanting
and get it over with.
Hi. I'm going to chant along with you.
What I wanted to talk about...
I can sense that you're closed.
You have to open up more.
More?
- Hi, honey!
- I'm busy opening up right now.
- In a party bus?
- No, we're taking a party break.
- Would you mind stepping away?
- Of course.
- It looks like you're having fun.
- It's super fun. Steen is enjoying it.
Look at this. Nice, Steen! He's using
her as reins, so he doesn't fall off.
- Wow...
- Yee-haw!
Honey, what...
- Is that Steen?
- I know it's super silly.
A giant cock instead of a bull.
Very original!
- Let's leave Jan and Eva to talk.
- Yes, have a seat.
Who are you talking to?
I was talking to Steen
before his cock ride -
- and he wondered why Jacob Martin
hadn't mentioned your new job.
- Does he seem dependable?
- Yes, I hope so.
It wouldn't be good to work
for someone you can't count on.
Eva? Honey?
Yes. There's something
I need to tell you about that job.
I need you! Sorry, I need him.
We're going on the cock!
- See you!
- It's cock'o'clock!
You didn't tell him.
What was Steen doing with that girl?
Who was she even?
It's just a stag night thing.
You know what men are like.
Eva, you're simplifying it.
Right, not all men are like that.
And some women do it, too.
Women and men do it equally.
- I agree.
- Me, too!
That was too simple and old-fashioned.
I need to wee.
You talk to them,
I'll be right back.
Eva handled everything on her own.
I was ill.
Appendicitis.
But she took care of everything.
Marlene!
Yeah, Eva is a real firecracker.
I was wiping, and then I felt something.
- Something that shouldn't be there.
- Where?
On my vagina.
Oh!
- Do you have a mirror?
- No!
- A mobile phone?
- So you can take a selfie of it?
- Marlene!
- Yes.
Hello!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Nothing.
Eva thinks there's something
that shouldn't be there.
Wow, Eva! You can make
a middle parting down there.
It might be over on this side...
- Oh, fuck!
- What?
You have a tick on your labia.
Get it off!
Won't it fall off
if you make it dizzy?
- No, it might vomit into her.
- I don't want that.
I think
you can suffocate it with butter.
- You can't get ticks on a party bus.
- But you can get other stuff.
- I need some tweezers.
- I have nail clippers!
Yes!
- Careful with that!
- Of course.
Okay, I'm going in.
Sorry, it's a bit tricky.
- What's going on here?
- Nothing!
Eva has a tick on her vagina.
You can't leave it too long.
It can be very dangerous.
- I just can't get it.
- Should I try?
No, we've almost got it.
Thank you!
- He's offering to help.
- My future boss isn't going down there.
If he thinks you have bad vibes,
you should stop saying no.
Show him you can be open and positive.
It probably only takes a second.
Okay?
- Well?
- It's dug down very deep.
- Just like Eva it's goal-oriented...
- Not now!
- I'm just trying to help.
- Well, don't.
- Is she giving birth?
- No, Dorte. It's a tick.
A very tiny tick.
Could you hold the torch?
Thank you. Keep it steady!
You have to get the head out,
or she could get borrelia -
- or tick-borne encephalitis.
- You can die from that.
- Thank you, Dorte.
- It's Jan calling to Facetime.
- Just reject the call.
Hello! Is that you, Eva?
- I'll take it. Hi, honey.
- Hi. What the hell was that?
I'll call you back later.
Great. The battery died.
Okay. Dorte, you need to find
another light source.
It's hard to see anything
with all that hair.
- I know. I'm sorry.
- No, don't get me wrong.
I think it's wonderful that
you embrace your sex in this way.
Okay. Thanks.
It's just natural.
You're probably not shaved either?
I'm completely smooth.
- I couldn't find my phone.
- Sit down, Dorte!
- Okay, Eva?
- Yes.
- Dorte?
- Yes.
- Let's do this together.
- Yeah...
Let's get this tick out!
Thank you.
Okay, Eva...
A bit closer, Dorte.
- No!
- Move!
- Oh, shit!
- Put it out!
We got it.
My goodness... That was...
I am so sorry!
Any breakthroughs about the job?
If I try to be more positive
and open, it'll get draughty.
I can't stand myself.
Eva, could we have a quick word?
Yes.
Do you have one
that reaches above the knee?
This is the ankle sock of sleeping bags.
Yes, of course.
Let me see what I have here.
Fuck. Oh...
I guess we'll just have
to take a "short" rest.
- Lucky you have a sense of humour.
- Yes, if you get to know me.
Look, Jacob Martin,
about that job...
I'm really sorry to tell you this -
- but you still smell
rather pungently of burnt hair.
Yes, I know I smell.
But would you please read my CV?
Yes, I will.
But could we wait until tomorrow?
- Tomorrow?
- Yes, when the smell has subsided.
Eva? Did you remember
to put out the fire?
We don't want any more burning bushes.
Give up, you stupid campfire!
Just go ahead and die already!
- Eva, was Steen ever unfaithful to you?
- I don't think so.
Unless it was with you.
No, I would never do that.
Could you forgive Steen
if he cheated on you?
No. At least not
if he refused to admit it.
Honesty is the main thing
in a relationship.
- Don't you think?
- Yes.
You have to bare yourself in order
to be loved for who you are.
Oh, it's really bad!
Eva, can you go somewhere else?
- What?
- You reek of burnt vagina.
- Sorry.
- It's really bad.
Bella! Hurry out!
What?!
- There goes that shelter.
- Yes, and my CV.
- What's it going to cost us?
- The Troll Tots are paying.
What's the plan now, Eva?
- Come on.
- Where are we going?
I've booked a hotel, girls.
Is it an organic one where we sleep
in haystacks and poo in the compost?
It's a real hotel with real beds.
And there's a bar.
Hi. How much longer is your bar open?
It's a private party, but they told me
everyone is welcome to join.
- Let's hit the dance floor!
- Thank you.
- Are there any men?
- Yes, almost exclusively.
I'll catch you! Here I come!
It's DJ Jan in the house,
saying hello to Eva!
Hi, honey!
Welcome to Steen's stag night!
We're riding the cock!
I'm going to catch you!
- What are you doing here?
- I could ask you the same thing.
- Hi, Anders!
- Hi, Bella!
Nice stag night. I almost didn't
recognise you with the moustache -
- new style and Tinder profile.
You look the same.
You didn't change your style.
You still have that dress.
That's cute.
Okay!
- I'm getting a drink.
- Are you on Tinder? It's great!
You look bored.
Want to ride the cock with me?
Or we could do
something even more fun.
Marlene, leave Jacob Martin alone.
- I want to have fun, too!
- Give Bella a ride on the cock.
- Come up here!
- Okay.
Thanks for saving me.
You exercised due diligence.
Of course. No problemos!
I love teamwork.
Relational leadership is key for me.
A team is strongest together.
I couldn't agree more, Jacob Martin.
It's Steen's last night out, and we
think it's awkward that you're here.
That's understandable, Anders.
Girls, we're being asked to leave!
- I'm sorry. I didn't plan for this.
- But the idea was great.
I loved our camping trip
while it lasted.
At least someone
stands to gain something.
I'll turn in. I get a flickering morning
aura if I don't sleep enough.
Goodnight.
- Does anyone know where Karen is?
- I think she's preparing her sermon.
That sounds more fun than this.
You promised you wouldn't let her down.
How do you think that's going?
Thank you!
Steen!
Eva?
- What the hell are you doing?
- What do you mean?
- That's not Bella.
- I'm pretty sure it is.
It's not.
Bella is down at the bar.
She is?
- Who the hell are you with?
- What do you mean?
Who were you just pounding
up against the door? I'm going in.
I'm really drunk. Don't read too much
into this. It's just stag night fun.
- You're getting married in a minute.
- Yes, it's bad.
But listen, I love Bella!
- I'm sorry! I don't want to lose her.
- Then keep your trousers on.
- Bella is already suspicious.
- This is just a silly mistake.
What if you've picked up something...?
Come on! I used protection.
I'm not that terrible!
- Please don't tell Bella.
- You have to tell her yourself.
- I promise to be good...
- Don't do anything for me!
- Do you have to be so damn proud?
- Apparently.
Sleep well, you two.
Or whatever you're doing.
Eva...
Do you want this?
If you don't tell Bella, then I will.
- Good morning!
- Good morning.
- Did you sleep well?
- I have a headache.
And I didn't even have fun.
But aside from that you're okay?
You've slept okay?
Hi!
Bella, I have to tell you something.
That's quite a gluten feast!
- Yeah. Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Eva, do you have a moment?
- Now?
Yes. Of course.
Now that I've had the chance to really
see you, I feel comfortable saying -
- that you need CO.wer,
and CO.wer needs you.
- You're offering me the job?
- You're hereby hired, Eva.
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
- I fucking got it!
- Nice!
Bad karma? As if!
He just had to get to know me.
- Can we focus on Bella now?
- Yes. I need to talk to her.
- Are you done with that?
- I'll finish up.
Excuse me? Hi!
Hi.
That hen night was so vegan.
I'll go look for a sausage.
Of course.
- Hi, gorgeous.
- Hi, honey.
Is everything okay?
- I got it.
- What?
- The job!
- Didn't you get that a while ago?
- Yes, but now it's official.
- Oh, congratulations!
Thank you!
Hello, lovebirds!
Can I borrow Eva for a second?
- Yes, of course.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you!
- What for?
For leaving it alone.
I'm very grateful for that -
- as I'm sure you've noticed.
- What?
- You've spoken to Jacob Martin.
He owes me a favour.
Eva, you really deserve that job.
- Especially if you don't tell Bella.
- You're joking?
I can just tell Jacob Martin
that you're not interested after all.
See you.
- Is everything okay?
- Yes, everything is okay.
- Do you have any paracetamol?
- You still have a headache?
- Want me to ask Jan?
- No, Steen usually brings some.
- Where are you going?
- To get some paracetamol.
- Where?
- In his room.
- Where Steen was just... sleeping?
- Yes.
Why don't I fetch them?
It's okay to accept help, Bella.
I think they're out here.
What did you want to talk to me about?
There was something I should know?
I just wanted to thank you
for helping me out with the job.
Oh, my pleasure.
You really did it on your own.
- Right.
- And congratulations!
Do you know
what Steen was up to last night?
His stag night was totally crazy.
They played paintball, and went
waterskiing and bungee jumping.
- Today they're doing archery.
- That's a lot of stuff!
Don't worry. We've got
plenty of stuff planned for you.
- Really?
- Yes, don't worry, love!
I did suspect something,
but I wasn't sure. That's amazing!
- This really means a lot to me.
- Of course!
- Do you think I'm being hysterical?
- Hysterical?
- Am I being too suspicious of Steen?
- No, not at all...
- I don't want to be on his case.
- But...
What the hell was that?
That was me. My allergies always
flare up when I'm away from home.
Very charming, Eva!
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Karen...
Hey!
- Hey, Karen...
- Hi!
- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
What I tell you stays between you,
me and the man upstairs, right?
Absolutely.
I'm bound by confidentiality.
Steen has been unfaithful!
Okay.
And I feel like I'm a bad person
for not telling anyone.
Why don't you just tell people, then?
Because I got a new job.
Steen made sure
I got a job with Jacob Martin.
I'm worried that if I expose him,
I'll lose the job.
- Right. Did you tell anyone?
- No, I'm too scared to do that.
- My partner would leave me.
- You want to unburden yourself.
Yes, exactly!
But it should be for Bella's sake,
not your own.
I mean, her wedding will be ruined,
her heart will be broken.
I don't know if I'd want to know.
- So I shouldn't tell her?
- Maybe you should make Bella happy?
That's the main thing, but...
Anything else?
- Thank you!
- Don't thank me, thank Him!
See you!
Well...
Yes, I understand.
Look, it's five people who just need
to paint some teacups for 30 minutes.
You have to have space for that.
Great. Thanks for nothing.
Jesus.
Well, Eva, I'm off. Duty calls.
See you at the church and at the office.
- I can't wait to introduce you.
- I'm very excited.
Janus.
These...
How...?
So the big surprise is a mushroom trip?
This could be the wildest
experience we'll ever have.
It was pretty wild when my dad
shot himself in Legoland.
Dorte, this might be perfect
for you right now.
Mushroom tea makes you
happier and more optimistic.
Then get started. You first though.
I don't want to if you get sick.
Here we go.
Well?
It tastes like regular herbal tea.
- Shall we?
- Let's do it.
- Pour us some.
- Are you up for it?
Careful.
It looks like the handle is loose.
I know how to pour,
even with this handle.
- No!
- I tried to tell you.
If it's any consolation,
I don't feel anything.
- I never do either.
- The boys are out having fun again.
Well, let's take it easy
and check the time. Not bad.
Come on!
We've got bows and bubbles.
The boys won't need it until later.
- These look legit.
- Do you know how to do it?
- Careful.
- Dorte!
Dorte!
You need to point it away from us.
- Do you want to try?
- Can you keep an eye on her?
Can you keep an eye on Dorte,
so she doesn't get into trouble?
- Of course. I'll keep an eye out.
- Good.
Eva, would you like something to drink?
Cacao?
Eva?
Are you about to throw up?
Yes.
Let's hand this to Eva
and go gather some arrows.
I'm opening a bottle of bubbles.
Hi!
- What are you doing here?
- Archery.
This one isn't bad looking.
No, Eva!
- What are you doing?!
- Did I get him?
Call an ambulance!
I have to go to the loo.
I'm going to go pay.
You just stay where you are.
Dorte's phone.
What?
Where are you?
Okay.
I understand,
but you've reached the wrong person.
I don't have anything
encouraging to say at all.
I've just shot my friend.
Can you beat that?
It's my fault she's unknowingly
marrying the world's biggest arsehole.
Here she comes. It's a client of yours.
He's on the Langeland Bridge.
Lifeline, this is Dorte.
No, you shouldn't call back later.
I'm here for you,
and I have all the time in the world.
- She's good, eh?
- Yes.
- Bella, are you okay?
- What did the doctors say?
A few millimetres more
and it would have been fatal.
Thankfully we can still
have our wedding.
Darling...
Thankfully, everyone knows that
you only want what's best for Bella.
I...
- Feel better!
- Thanks. I love you.
I love you, too.
You're my whole world, darling.
- Bye!
- Bye, Bella!
Can't you postpone the wedding?
Then Bella can figure out
what an arsehole he is.
- Unfortunately not.
- She can't marry that idiot!
ONE WEEK
AND A SHITLOAD OF GUILT LATER
It looks great.
- You're the most beautiful bride.
- Thanks, love.
Oh no,
I'm already moved to tears.
- I have to mind my make-up.
- Yes, don't ruin it.
I can't believe I ever doubted Steen.
They've chosen a very busy church.
Did I get this right: After the wedding,
there's going to be a funeral?
Yes, that's correct.
- And if the bride happens to be late?
- We can't let grieving people wait.
The wedding would have to be postponed,
but the waiting list is very long.
Okay. Thank you.
- Why are we going so slowly?
- I'm following the rules.
You've suddenly decided
to start doing that today?
Oh no,
now we're almost out of petrol!
- What are you doing? We're in a hurry!
- The machine is broken.
- We'll just have to pay inside.
- Good idea.
Is Anders bringing
a date for the wedding?
Does it matter?
No way! Then I have to sit there
all by myself like an idiot.
Stop it!
Excuse me? What are you doing today?
You could come to her wedding with me.
You don't even need to change!
- I don't think my wife would approve.
- Maybe Eva is right.
Maybe you should start admitting
that getting divorced was painful.
We're paying for the petrol.
I'd rather find someone new first
and be in pain afterwards.
That'll be 418 kroner.
Anything else?
Yes, actually.
Instead of selling windshield wash
and chili dogs -
- I get a date with a super-hot babe!
He came voluntarily.
Calm down!
Can't you take that off?
- I'll wait until you're done.
- They'll have to wait till I'm married.
People don't need to know that
I picked him up at a petrol station.
- No, a half-naked teenager is better.
- Drive!
We have to put our seatbelts on first.
What are you doing?
You're driving past!
- Was that the church?
- Eva, are you tripping again?
- Bella!
- Hi, Dad!
You made it.
- Here you go.
- Okay, wow!
- Are we ready?
- We're ready.
Hey! Bella...
- Are you sure about this?
- What a strange question.
Sometimes you have to think
about things one more time -
- because you might find
that you actually...
- What?!
- You might discover something!
Be honest, are you jealous
that Bella is marrying Steen?
- No, it's got nothing to do with that.
- Then try to be a good friend.
That's what I'm trying to do.
Finally! We need to hurry. I'll fetch
the sermon, and we'll get started.
Go on in when the music starts.
- Did you know about that?
- I had no idea!
They're cute.
- No, this is all wrong.
- What?
I shouldn't have brought a man in
a tiny vest into such a cold church.
- Seriously?
- You should go outside and get warm.
I'm not sure what's going on.
Does anyone know where the vicar is?
Hello?
What was that?
That was me. It was just me.
I don't see a vicar, so we might
have to postpone the wedding.
Eva, if you have anything
to do with this, I'm going to kill you!
- Steen is a gigantic arsehole.
- What?
Excuse me?
Steen is a gigantic arsehole?
He's been singing your praises,
but you're clearly not over the divorce.
I can't believe
I've offered you that job.
Eva, what's going on?
It's actually a misunderstanding.
I'd like Steen and Bella to get married,
so I'm going to go look for the vicar.
- I'll come with you.
- No, wait here.
Won't it be easier with two of us?
How hard can it be
to find a vicar in a church?
I'm getting pressure sores
from sitting.
The vicar has been found!
The door to the vestry had jammed.
- Well done!
- I'm not sure how that happened.
But thanks to Eva,
we can finally get started.
I think we can make it in time,
if we skip the sermon.
What the hell?
I ask you, Steen Rmer, will you take
Bella Kjr to be your wife?
I need to check something.
I just have to check something.
Excuse me...
Fuck me to high heaven. It was you!
- Goodness!
- What are you talking about?
You were right.
Steen did cheat on you.
- To hell with that job.
- Are you completely insane?
Steen was shagging the vicar
on his stag night.
- What are you saying?
- You said you were writing the sermon.
Bullshit!
You went to shag Steen.
That's the craziest thing
I've ever heard!
Oh, come on! I saw that bracelet
in Steen's hotel room.
- This bracelet?
- Yes!
It cost 50 kr. at the discount store.
20,000 people have the same one.
Maybe it wasn't you, then.
But I heard it!
I heard Steen shagging someone
up against a door.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I lied when I told you
I got the job with Jacob Martin.
Bella, I know
I've been a terrible friend.
I'm sorry I've been a shitty friend,
and a shitty partner -
- but I least I didn't shove my
rodeo cock straight into the Holy Spirit.
She's completely lost it.
It's not true.
- Did you see it?
- No, but I heard it.
And we both know what it sounds like
when Steen comes.
He sounds like a retarded sea lion.
- Isn't it true, Bella?
- Eva, you are so incredibly fired!
You have extremely bad karma.
- Hey...
- Get out, Eva.
- Listen to me!
- Out!
Come on.
I finally stop lying
and nobody believes me!
I should have said it sooner.
Shall we move on?
Steen Rmer, will you love her,
honour her and keep her -
- in sickness and in health,
till death do you part?
Yes.
I now ask you, Bella Kjr -
- will you take Steen Rmer
to be your husband?
THREE DAYS
AND A FEW CONCESSIONS LATER
Hey, Mum, it's me.
This is the best school trip ever.
It's super awesome!
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You wanted to see me?
- Yes.
I...
I wanted to ask for your help
in fixing that bathroom door.
Right.
And I wanted to apologise.
I was too proud to admit
that I can be a very petty person.
I was scared you'd leave me because
I'm not as independent as you thought.
Yeah.
I'm a hospital clown, and we do hate
people who are dependent on others.
Forgiving me is going to be expensive.
I need help to pay my rent.
In sickness and in health.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Yeah... You can just...
You can just...
Should I say it?
- You were right. Steen did cheat.
- And it was the vicar.
- He's shagged Karen.
- He's shagged Karen a lot.
I'm going to go fix that door, okay?
- So Bella has filed for divorce.
- Marlene has been crying about hers.
I suddenly realised how painful it is.
Yes...
- No, make me stop!
- It's okay.
- Let's celebrate Bella.
- Yes, Bella's divorce!
- All three of us.
- Wow!
Yes, with a party bus and everything.
Sorry, I didn't have time
to rent a real party bus!
Oneliner
Cacao.