I Am Michael (2015) Movie Script
1
Hi, I'm Michael.
Paul.
I hear you're
having some trouble.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I just...
Don't understand...
Why god made me like this.
He didn't.
Trust me.
Let me tell you something.
You should never define yourself
by your choices or your desires.
Gay doesn't exist.
It's a false identity.
This isn't my choice.
Why would I choose this?
You always have a choice.
You wanna go to heaven, right?
Yes.
If you're a moral person,
then you'll choose
heterosexuality
in order to be with god.
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Where you going?
I'm gonna make us breakfast.
No.
Yeah, come on.
Breakfast is the most
important part of the day.
I'll have muffins at my meeting.
Muffins?
Yeah, muffins.
Blueberry.
Mmm, blueberry.
Okay, then we'll do lunch, okay?
Mmm, morning breath.
Oh, stop it!
Get off!
It's so cool
that you work at XY.
Yeah. Yeah, it's rad.
You guys are like the only cool
gay magazine out there right now.
Oh, yeah, sort of.
Hey, listen up, queens.
XY magazine is taking over!
It's our time to shine!
Matthew Shepard
was an openly gay man.
When he went to a Laramie,
Wyoming bar last week,
these two suspects
lured him outside,
pretending to be gay.
Now they're charged
with a vicious attack
that left Shepard
hanging on this fence
for 18 hours
in freezing temperatures.
Shepard remained on
life support until this morning
when he passed away.
Shepard's family
is grateful for support
from around the world.
They killed him
because they were afraid,
and they were afraid because of
what their churches tell them
and because of what
they see in movies.
It's fucking ridiculous.
I hope they get
the death penalty.
You're against the death penalty.
Not in this case.
That's like being
for free speech
until someone tells you
something that pisses you off.
He died a slow death
after being tied to a fence
and tortured.
Exactly, a slow death
is way more painful.
They should spend the rest
of their lives in prison.
Okay, look, we need
to move away from labels
because they segment
and they lead to persecution.
People don't wanna be
perceived as gay because...
They're afraid
they'll end up like Matthew.
But we are a gay magazine.
Identifying as gay
is being part of a community.
It's recognition,
it's progress...
We've been telling the kids in the magazine
to come out, to be proud to be gay.
They should be proud
to be themselves.
Gay and straight
are just social constructs.
Ugh. God,
you and your queer theory.
Class is in session
with professor Michael Glatze.
Shut up.
Okay, okay, look.
We need to put out the message
that being attracted
to the same sex
doesn't define who you are.
Hey.
Have you been smoking?
Just one.
Small one.
It was a small cigarette.
Busted.
Letters to the editor.
Ninety percent are some poor
teen with religious parents.
Fucking Christian fundamentalists
should burn in hell.
Uh, okay.
In the meantime,
there is a design competition
for the Halifax
international airport.
I don't wanna move to Halifax.
I know, but my father wants me
to head up the bid committee.
It's huge.
Halifax is so boring.
Your hometown is boring.
It's not.
Olympia?
Yeah.
It's all trees
and fog and coffee.
And the birthplace
of the riot grrrl movement
and where Kurt Cobain
wrote most of nevermind.
Oh, well...
Yeah.
In that case...
But it's unsustainable here,
unless you're in
the dot-com movement,
and I don't wanna live
in a studio on mission street
when we're 50.
Well, we won't be.
We'll be in a big mansion
on a hill. Duh.
May 21st, 2000.
I used to imagine myself
growing old
while living in a house
atop a hill in the Castro,
but what's more important to me
is growing old
with the love of my life:
Bennett.
So I'm leaving San Francisco
to live in Halifax, Canada.
Although I'm sad
to leave XY magazine,
I'm excited to finally accept
the speaking offers
I've been receiving
this past year,
thanks to my work
as a writer and activist.
What a lot of people
aren't aware of
is that the terms "heterosexual"
and "homosexual"
were only introduced
about a hundred years ago.
As my mother used to always say,
"when you help others,
you're helping yourself
as well."
We often read about
more sexually...
My goal is to thread a needle
through the fabric
of this country
and stitch together the lives
of gay kids everywhere.
I know a lot of you
are balancing religion
and sexuality,
but I mean, come on,
what god would punish you
for finding love?
This is where I spread
my mom's ashes.
Oh, my god.
She's still here.
Mom, I'm gonna
stay here with you.
No.
Don't be stubborn.
You are not skipping
a semester to be with me.
I can help you through this.
I'm gonna be fine.
I told you.
I feel better.
Really, Michael.
I am so proud of you.
I love you so much.
Hmm. I love you.
I should've stayed.
Everyone kept saying,
"don't worry, we're praying
for her, don't worry."
Everyone's gonna die.
No amount of praying
is ever gonna change that.
You're not getting up yet.
Five minutes more.
I can't believe I'm approaching
my one-year anniversary
here in Halifax,
Nova Scotia, Canada.
The food is amazing,
especially the Sushi.
The people are friendly
and although the gay community
is much smaller
than San Francisco,
I have some big plans
to really make an impact.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
Look, I have to find
something else to do.
I'm just not cut out
for administrative work.
Give it some time?
I have things I wanna do.
I want my own magazine.
I want something bigger.
I want...
I want to influence people.
I can't do that here.
You're being such a shit.
We made the decision
to leave San Francisco together.
No, we didn't.
I mean,
you had to take this job.
Just like you had to take the job
that took us to San Francisco.
Which is how you got your job at
XY, so you should be thanking me.
Is this...
This is supposed to be
Mexican food?
Why don't you go to the store
and make your own food?
Maybe I will.
You'll have to ask me
for money, though,
'cause you don't have any,
remember?
Thanks.
Hey.
Hey.
You're Mike, right?
Uh, yeah.
The XY survivor guide
really helped me out.
Are you stalking me
or something?
Tyler.
Hi.
Hi.
I just...
I wanted you to know
I agree with everything
that you say
about gay identity
and sexuality.
I don't wanna be put into a
box just because I'm gay.
You don't wanna be in a box?
No, I don't wanna be in a box.
You're so fucking cute.
Can I buy you a drink?
Don't you have a boyfriend?
Hmm...
He'll think you're cute, too.
It's a galaxy.
Uh, actually it's a spiral.
It's the only symbol
that means anything.
It's infinite,
no beginning, no end.
There's a beginning
and there's an end.
All right, well, there's
a more complicated one
that has no beginning
and no end,
but I can't do it
on my pancakes, okay?
How did you guys meet?
How did we meet?
Uh, San Francisco.
We volunteered at this
aids prevention organization.
And we both got arrested protesting
this Christian coalition event.
Which is how I knew
it was true love.
Awesome.
How about you?
What's your deal?
Who are you?
Uh...
I'm a physics student.
Really?
Yeah.
Physics.
Science.
Yeah. I wanna be an astronaut,
but that's probably a long shot.
Oh, god. I'd be terrified
to go into space.
It's just, to me,
earth is just this, like,
tiny speck in the universe.
And humans have only been around
for just a speck of that timeline.
So it's just...
There has to be more to life
than just this, don't you think?
Totally.
Totally.
So Tyler was really cute, huh?
Interesting.
Mm-hmm.
It is interesting, isn't it?
Very interesting.
You know why?
Because I love you so much.
And I really feel like we're
at a place in our relationship
where there's more
than enough love to go around.
And I know that
I'm not afraid of that
and I don't think
that you are either.
Mm-mm. Maybe I am afraid.
Well, you shouldn't be afraid
because I'm here to protect you.
Why?
Carrot thief.
Here's our very uncool
soccer mom Van.
Whoo!
Who are these guys?
July 23rd, 2002.
Road trip.
Road trip.
I'm driving across America
with Bennett and Tyler
for an exciting new project
I'm working on.
I guess both beds are taken.
I don't know where
you're gonna sleep.
Eenie, meenie, miney, Moe.
This is the most fun
I've ever had in my whole life.
Really?
No.
We are making a documentary
about queer youth in America,
because discrimination
against LGBT youth
must be eliminated.
I just wish people could see
that these kids have faces,
names, and voices
that need to be heard.
Growing up in the church
and realizing that you're gay
is very difficult.
You know, your family
has never talked about it.
I mean, I'm 13
and it's the first time
I've heard the word.
And when I heard the word
and knew what it was,
then it was like,
"hey, I know that.
I understand that.
That's me."
My mom, she's trying.
She's like really in the closet
about it.
She won't mention it to anybody
or anything like that.
Like, she tries to still act
like I'm straight
and expects me to act like
I'm straight along with her
when I'm not like that.
And this was
probably more overwhelming
when I tried
to kill myself, uh...
But I felt so invisible
to everyone around me
who was straight.
There are times when I realize
that I'm just as much a creation
of god as everyone else.
Olympia, Washington.
This is kind of somber.
But even though I grew up here,
because both my parents
don't live anymore,
it feels like this place
is a part of a past
that doesn't exist anymore.
And I wasn't gay here.
I mean, you couldn't be.
There was this kid that everyone
just thought was gay
and he had to leave school
'cause he got picked on so much.
What's it like here?
Liberty is Falwell territory.
So as you can imagine,
it's not very gay-friendly.
So why do you stay?
Uh...
Well, I...
I don't know. I, um...
I didn't come out
to friends and family
until last year.
And I have another year
before I graduate.
I'm a Christian.
So...
Which a lot of people
think is impossible,
but I think that's
just as ridiculous
as the anti-gay right, so...
Just a second.
Hey, Sof.
Do you want us
to call them for you?
We're just gonna... We're gonna
wait with you until he comes, okay?
Her mother just passed.
Do you mind not filming us?
So awful.
Here, let's pray.
Let's pray for her, okay?
All right, turn it off.
We just wanna ask, father,
that you would
just give her the strength
to get through this
incredibly difficult time
and we pray that you
would just fill us all
with the compassion to know
what she must be going through
because it would be impossible
for us to fully comprehend.
Just show her yourself, father,
during this time
and look to you right now,
father...
Hey.
Babe.
We gotta go. We gotta be there at 9:30.
You ready?
Yeah. All right. See
you in the car.
I didn't come out
to friends and family
until last year.
I'm a Christian.
So...
Which a lot of people
think is impossible,
but I think that's
just as ridiculous
as the anti-gay right, so...
When I was young, I didn't know
that there were people like me.
I felt lost, alone,
and confused.
I never even told my mother,
my best friend, that I was gay
because I was afraid
she wouldn't accept me.
That's why
we're on this journey:
To let gay kids know
that they are not alone.
And you know what?
I learned a lot as well.
Because we met
so many amazing people
who've heard their parents
or pastors
tell them they're wrong
and yet they've come
to the realization
that they're beautiful,
blessed, and that god
loves them just as they are.
I mean, people who believe
that homosexuality is wrong
are gonna change their minds
thanks to this next generation.
The sky is fucking beautiful.
What is this, babe?
Hmm?
Oh, it's stupid.
Just somebody gave it to me
on the street.
"Where will we go
when we die?"
Baby.
You guys, where will
we go when we die?
In 2012, the world
is supposed to end.
Is that a real thing?
I hope not.
Everyone knows this.
It's what they drew
on the Mayan calendar.
You know,
the Mayan calendar thing.
That's what they drew.
It was the moon and the sun.
What? I'm curious.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We wanna know. Please.
We wanna know. Please.
I don't think they wanna know.
Mike.
You guys go on.
I'll meet you at home.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Where are you going?
Michael?
What's that about? I have
absolutely no earthly idea.
Baby.
I was worried about you today.
What's going on?
It's stupid.
Baby, nothing's stupid.
Tell me what.
Do you think when we die,
we just disappear
like we never existed?
No, I don't think that.
Because I know that
we'll always be together.
Baby.
Baby.
Baby, you're okay.
I'm here.
Let's pray for her.
Let's pray.
Bennett!
Bennett!
I'm really lightheaded.
It's okay. It's okay. We're almost there.
We're almost there.
Okay.
Your heart rate seems to have
returned back to normal.
Can you check again?
Just because your father had HCM
does not mean that you have it.
We followed our chest pain protocol
and there's nothing abnormal.
You had a panic attack. Okay?
Where's Bennett?
He's in the lobby.
As soon as you're checked out,
you can see him.
All right?
Thank you.
I was 13 years old,
walking along the beach
with my father,
when he suddenly collapsed
and died
from an unexpected
heart condition.
If I've inherited his disease,
the same thing
could happen to me.
What's wrong, baby?
It's happening again.
I can feel it.
The tests confirmed that...
They don't know.
They don't care.
Now I'm having heart
palpitations all the time.
And contrary to what
the doctors keep saying,
I just know
they aren't panic attacks.
After months of fighting
with my insurance,
I was finally allowed
to see a specialist
who could definitively test
whether or not
I inherited
my father's condition.
Now I have to wait
for the results.
Michael, just calm down.
Calm down!
Do you know
what this disease means?
It means I could die any
minute, just drop dead!
You calm down!
Dr. Williams?
Hi.
Thank you, god.
Thank you, god.
The test confirmed
that I did not inherit
my father's heart condition.
Although it's
a massive sigh of relief,
I keep thinking to myself...
If I was really
just having panic attacks,
then what's wrong with me?
What am I afraid of?
All I know is that when
faced with your own death,
it reminds you
of what's important in life.
And for me,
that's helping other people.
Okay.
So I've decided
to start my own magazine.
I'm calling it YGA.
Young gay Americans.
It's gonna be the biggest
and most sophisticated magazine
aimed at improving the lives
of LGBT youth.
Hmm.
What is this?
What is this?
Oh, my god! Hi!
You didn't.
I know you wanted one, baby.
Oh, my god!
Ooh.
What are we gonna call you?
What are we gonna call you?
Olly. Olly, heel.
I've been thinking
about the next issue of YGA.
I think we need to address
this whole Christianity thing.
What do you mean?
Well, people think that gays
and Christians are enemies.
We've met so many people who've managed to
balance their faith and their sexuality.
But we've also met
so many people whose parents
and churches tell them
they're gonna burn in hell.
Yeah, which is why we should
address it in the magazine.
I mean, the whole "you're gay,
you're going to hell" myth
was started by mistranslations and
misinterpretations of the Bible.
I mean, god doesn't care
what your sexual orientation is.
And the one thing that the gay
movement doesn't understand
that I think Christianity does
is that not everyone wants to
be a part of the subculture.
I'm sorry, what did you
do with my boyfriend?
Shut up.
I'm not gonna write like...
Gospel according to Michael
or something.
It might seem strange
for a gay youth magazine
to dedicate an entire issue
to religion,
but it's too important
to ignore.
When my parents died,
I blamed god.
When I came out,
I distanced myself even further
from religion.
You see, I thought I was
too smart to believe in god,
that he was only for the needy.
But after a recent health scare,
I felt this nudging
in the back of my mind:
The presence of god.
And you know what?
I was no longer afraid.
Aah!
Some religious figures
spout hateful rhetoric
and try to force
a monopoly on the truth.
But the only truth is love.
The only sin is denying love.
Stop hating.
Start loving.
You gonna join us?
Uh, yeah, just one second.
What?
Uh, you're really combing
through that thing, aren't you?
Look, my whole life, I thought
the Bible was full of hate...
And it's not.
There's a lot of love in here.
So your interest in the Bible
is more than just research?
Well, there's a lot of
Christian roots in my family,
my mom, my aunt and...
Just curious.
Your aunts disowned you
when you came out.
That's not family.
I'm all for curiosity but...
I-I just feel like
something saved me,
shook me and woke me up.
And that someone is god?
Mike, he didn't save you
because you were never dying.
Okay.
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
Don't see many people
flaunting that out in the open.
Oh.
I've seen you
reading out here before
and I thought maybe you'd
wanna come to my church.
Any Sunday,
just to check it out.
See what the Mormon religion
has to offer.
The gospel teaches us
that we are the spirit children
of heavenly parents.
Now, many people ask,
are we like other Christians?
Why of course we are.
We believe in Jesus Christ
and we believe
in life after death.
And everyone is welcome
at the LDs church.
Christ's atonement allows mankind
to be saved from their sins...
And to return to live with god
and their loved ones in heaven.
Did you grow up
with any kind of faith?
Not really.
My mother was Christian,
but she didn't really take
me or my sister to church,
and my father
was a Berkeley hippie,
kind of agnostic
or even atheist.
They were very good people
and I know
I'll see them again in heaven.
My mom passed away as well.
So I know how hard that is.
I was so afraid and angry,
you know?
Yeah, me, too.
It's really hard
to deal with death
when you don't know
where you're going.
But once you do,
then you have peace
and you realize
that god's not to blame.
Right.
Yeah.
Catherine.
It was nice to meet you.
You, too.
She's single, Fyi.
Fyi?
What, you think she likes me?
Yeah. Yeah,
it seemed like it.
But I mean, don't worry. There's plenty
of single ladies looking for a husband.
I wasn't even thinking
about that kind of thing.
Oh, well, maybe it's something
you should start thinking about.
I can get you in touch with her
if you want.
Oh, um...
If you're interested.
Sure. I don't know.
Yeah? Okay. Whatever.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Okay, thanks.
Embarrassing me a little bit.
Welcome back to new beginnings
and thank you for listening
to our continued conversation
about the truth path to heaven.
Doctor, how would you respond
to other Christians
who disagree with your angle?
Look, all I'm trying
to do is help people.
It just pains me so much when
I hear so-called Christians
side with the left on issues
such as homosexuality.
Now, I'm not condoning hate.
In fact, this is about love.
Choosing a gay identity
will condemn you
to an eternity of suffering.
And I wanna save people
from that.
Whether it's abortion
or adultery
or accepting religions
other than Christianity,
you must obey god's law
or you will not be allowed
into his kingdom.
I'm not saying that. I'm not
saying that it's wrong.
I'm just saying that over the
course of thousands of years,
people with an agenda have made
Christianity what it is today.
Yeah, but the original message is
still the same, it's about love.
You know, I would've never
pegged you as a Buddhist.
Why?
What, 'cause I don't look
a certain way?
No, I...
I don't know why
I just said that.
I'm just kidding you.
Meditation.
People get weird in their head
about meditation.
They think it's weird or hippie.
I think it's about
developing mindfulness.
You know, it's about
living moment to moment.
And in a deeper level,
it's about knowing yourself.
That's why I started volunteering
at the Buddhist center.
They have classes on Friday.
You should come.
Oh, I have to go out of town
for this speaking thing.
What kind of speaking thing?
It's about gay youth in America.
No way. That's awesome.
Welcome to our very first panel
on being young and gay
in America.
Joining us is Judy Shepard,
president of
the Matthew Shepard foundation,
dedicated to
working towards causes
championed by her son Matthew
during his life.
Thank you for joining us.
Michael Glatze,
former editor of XY magazine,
recipient of equality forum's
national role model award
as well as lambda's
literary award
for XY's survival guide,
participant in the
award-winning documentary
Jim in bold,
and co-founder
of young gay Americans,
which is now
a full-fledged magazine.
What does being gay mean to you?
Gay doesn't mean the same thing
that it meant 20 years ago.
And it's more important now
than ever
to make allies
and make alliances
both inside
and outside the gay community.
Gay doesn't mean the same thing
that it meant 20 years ago.
It's not about...
Hey.
No.
I have to walk the dog.
Hey.
What are you doing?
I need some space.
Mike...
Look, I just...
I need some time
to figure this out,
to see where this is taking me.
Why can't you come to me
for help?
We have to talk about this
before...
Look, I just...
I need to get away
from this life.
Our life?
Yes.
And what exactly is it about our life that
you need to get away from, being gay?
I don't know.
I don't know!
Okay, uh, are you
attracted to women?
Because if that's the case,
then fine, go explore.
I just wanna be with my parents in heaven.
Is that so hard to understand?
Can you even hear yourself
right now?
What happened to the
misinterpretation of the Bible?
It's a fucking book, Mike!
I read the Bible the same way
I read anything else,
with an open mind
and an open heart.
Oh, is that what you call this?
'Cause the way you're talking doesn't
exactly sound very fucking open-minded.
This relationship has just developed
into something unhealthy.
What does that even mean?
Tyler?
You were just as
interested in that as I was.
No.
I just wanted you to be happy
because I was afraid
you were gonna leave.
I was never gonna leave, Mike.
I've stood by you.
I've held your hand while you
were so terrified of dying
that you created illnesses
that didn't even exist.
The truth is that
I was living a lie.
The truth is that god loves us...
Shut the fuck up!
Okay.
Wait.
Please don't go.
Where are you going?
The thing
that will really kill you...
Is repressing who you truly are.
That's what you
should really be afraid of.
So he just left this here
out in the open?
I have come to a decision
that will be shocking
to anyone I used to relate to.
The presence of god
has grown strong in my life.
He told me that my panic attacks
were caused by my shallow,
sinful lifestyle.
I've come to the realization
that identifying as gay
prevents you from finding
your true self within.
And we must be our true selves
in order to join god
in his kingdom.
Therefore, I, Michael Glatze,
no longer identify as gay.
Why did you do it?
"Gay activist goes straight"?
You gave the anti-gay right
the story of their dreams.
I don't know why.
I don't know.
Who pushed you?
No one.
I just wanted to tell my story.
Look, I think this all happened
because god needed
to teach me a lesson.
That's why I'm here,
to make it better.
Meditation is a way
of slowing down
and developing kindness
towards yourself.
Through mindfulness practice,
we develop strength of mind.
We become more present
and we learn
to appreciate our world.
God works in mysterious ways.
He has sent me to a place
where I can get away
from the physical world
so that I can focus
on my true self...
A happier, healthier man,
free of unnatural desires.
At first, I didn't understand
why god would send a Christian
to a Buddhist retreat.
But I have faith
in his plan for me.
Desire is powerful.
And god is testing me.
But I refuse to give in
to temptation.
I've come to the realization
that god wants me
to use meditation
to rid myself
of abnormal desires.
God gave Buddha the light
to be Buddha.
He did.
Michael,
what are you talking about?
I just want us to be on the
right path for our future,
for our health,
for the afterlife.
I am on the right path, okay?
My path.
Michael, i...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Nico.
It's the same kind of strength
that you need
to-to clear your mind.
You know, we just, we need
to find that strength
to fight what we both know
in our hearts is wrong.
We just have to fight it.
Stop, Michael. Stop.
No, I mean...
Michael, you're confused.
You're very confused
and it's at my expense.
People have been asking
how I am.
Some out of support.
Others who think
I've reconsidered.
I've come to the realization
that Bennett represents soul,
Tyler represents body,
Nico represents mind.
Father, son, holy ghost.
I guess god need me
to complete the Trinity
in order to move on.
So I'm ready to set
the record straight.
I was a heterosexual person
with a homosexual problem,
and I took care of that problem.
I have not reconsidered.
A good number of people
have come forward
and expressed their concern
about your being involved
with this organization.
This center is supposed
to accept everyone.
Yes, and we do.
We welcome people
of all beliefs,
but we don't tolerate hate.
I don't hate anybody.
Michael, you've written what some
would call very hateful things.
Those are my beliefs.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Are you okay?
I don't know...
I don't understand
what has changed, but I, uh...
Here we practice compassion.
And I'm just, I'm afraid
this isn't gonna work out.
So, because I'm Christian
and I express my opinions...
I have to leave.
That's so messed up.
That's really everything?
Your whole life
is in that one bag?
Yeah.
Do you think you'll stay here?
I mean, San Francisco can't
be the best place for an...
Ex-gay.
I'm not an ex-gay.
I'm just me.
Honestly, I thought
you'd be happy.
I mean, you never
really approved.
That's not true.
Then why haven't we been close?
I mean, you're my sister.
We're supposed to be there
for each other.
We can be close now.
I'm glad you're here.
And I want you to be happy...
Loving whomever.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
No, I can't.
What?
No, I'm sorry. Uh...
What happened?
I can't. Um...
It's not you, it's...
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Olly, it's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
Hello?
Michael?
Bennett.
Where are you?
Are you okay?
Michael?
I have to go.
Wait, why did you call me,
Michael?
To my friends who are trapped
in homosexuality:
I wanna thank you
for your kind comments
and keen observations
regarding my story
and my revelation that
I am no longer homosexual
and am now heterosexual.
The gay identity has been
packaged and fed to you,
and if you identify as gay
then you have eaten it,
preventing you
from further growth
and understanding
of your true self.
But it's not too late
to save yourself.
If you follow my lead.
I am confident.
I am blessed.
I am strong.
I am ready to give up
my life for Christ
in order to find my true self.
You sure you
don't want a coffee?
I don't drink coffee anymore.
You're well?
Yeah. Why?
Just asking.
I'm great.
I've never been better.
Well, I just wanted to see
how you're doing.
So does Bennett.
Hmm.
I wish I could understand
what you're going through.
I just don't want to be
perceived as gay
for the rest of my experiences.
It's that simple.
Are you still with Bennett?
No.
I'm, uh, going to Europe
to study space science.
That's great.
I'm going to Bible school.
God told me to become a pastor.
I don't want to open
old wounds or anything,
but I also don't know when
I'll ever see you again.
I want you to know
how much you meant to me.
I know you don't care anymore.
But I needed to say it.
For closure.
This whole thing...
It broke my heart.
Tyler...
I'm sorry.
But I need to live
for myself now.
Okay.
Okay.
Take care.
Now, sometimes somebody's
gonna ask you what you believe.
They're gonna say,
"you're a Christian,
all right,
what do you believe?"
Maybe they're an atheist
or a agnostic or a Muslim
or a Buddha, you know,
who knows what they are?
And you better be ready
to tell 'em.
We believe the Bible
is the word of god,
the supreme, final authority
in life and in our faith.
We believe in one god,
eternally existing
in three persons:
The father,
the son, and the holy spirit.
And we believe
the sole condition
for receiving everlasting life
is belief and faith alone
in the lord Jesus Christ.
Thank you.
I'll have one of those, please.
Hi, I'm Michael.
Uh, hi, I'm Rebekah.
Guess we like
all the same things.
I love it here.
I mean, I never though
I'd end up in Wyoming,
but I feel like I've
finally found my niche.
Where'd you think you'd end up?
That's a good question.
I don't know.
All I know is that I've
always wanted to help people,
because some people
struggle so much
when the solution
is actually very simple.
It's right there in Matthew 10:
The road may not be easy,
but if we give up our lives
for Christ, then we'll find
our true selves.
Where did you go to college?
Dartmouth.
Wow.
And you majored in music?
In creative writing
and English literature,
but I minored in music
theory and composition.
That must've kept you busy.
What kind of stuff
did you write?
Well, my thesis
was all poetry, actually.
Can I read some?
Oh, I don't have it anymore.
My poetry
is from a different life.
But I, um...
I'm so interested in music now
because it transcends language.
You know, it's like people
don't have to argue about it
or judge it or misinterpret it.
They can just listen.
You know, I just play
and they just listen.
You know?
I don't know if I do,
to be honest,
but the way you say it,
I want to.
I'm sorry, I'm just blabbing.
What about you?
No, don't be sorry!
You're not blabbing. Um...
I majored in theater.
Theater? Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was really fun, but
it's not like it's a real job.
I actually stage managed
a little bit after college,
but I don't know, I felt adrift.
So I came here,
hoping to figure out my path.
Me, too.
I can't believe
you've never had Sushi.
Who hasn't had Sushi?
It's crazy.
Mm.
Oh, no.
You don't like it.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh...
I'm sorry.
No, I used to hate it
when my ex did that.
Always making decisions.
We can go somewhere else.
No.
No, no, no.
No, it's okay.
Are you sure?
Yes. Yeah.
You like it. It's fine.
Uh, how, um, how long ago
was the ex you mentioned?
Oh. It was a long time ago.
It was, uh...
I don't know why
I brought that up.
It was stupid.
Well, um, was it serious?
Were you gonna marry her?
It was serious,
but, um, no, not marriage.
What about you?
Oh, no, I've...
I've never been in
a serious relationship.
My parents are very,
very conservative.
Do you think
they'd approve of me?
The future pastor
I met at Bible school?
Yes, I think they'd approve.
Rebekah.
Hi.
Hi.
What?
I just...
Since when do you
wear shirts like that?
What? It's not inappropriate
and it's hot out.
You're here to serve our lord,
not distract our men.
I don't think
I'm distracting anyone.
Is this about Michael?
We are not letting what we have
get in the way of our studies.
Besides, the lord
brought us together.
It's about his past.
What about it?
You really don't know?
Know what?
Rebekah.
Oh. Hi.
Are we still meeting?
Yeah, just let me finish this.
I'll be right there.
Okay.
I'll be in the cafeteria.
Okay.
I have something
I have to tell you.
You already know, don't you?
Are you still attracted to men?
No.
It's in the past.
Okay, I...
God showed me the light.
He showed me the truth.
A lot of people have pasts
they're not proud of,
but god forgives, right?
My life has changed so much
since I've met you.
And my feelings for you
are real.
My feelings for you
are real, too.
But I feel like we should just keep
hanging out and see what happens.
Maybe not settle on
anything too specific.
If that's okay.
Okay.
Hi, I'm Michael.
Now, I wanna tell you
a little secret
about a great gift from god.
This gift is a human emotion
and considered destructive
by the enemies of god.
Fear.
You can never, never, never stop
fearing yourself.
We are our own worst enemies.
And we must fear ourselves till
the day we meet god himself.
God didn't put us here to live
our lives in constant fear.
No, of course not.
And then he scolded me
for asking questions.
Well, that's not fair.
We're here to learn
and we learn in part
by asking questions.
No, we're here to serve god,
not to identify
as the exact kind of Christians
they want us to be.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
You know what's best because
that's god speaking through you.
You wanted to see me?
Now, you've been rallying
the students against us
as though you're being
controlled by the devil himself.
I've learned a lot
about the Bible here,
and for that I thank you.
But I refuse to be controlled
by anyone other than god.
I follow my own path.
Yeah, and you want others
to follow you.
Perhaps it's best
if we mail you your diploma
and that you not attend
the ceremony.
I don't know if I
can stay here anymore.
Oh. Where will we go?
We?
Uh, I've been praying about it.
About us.
I told god how I feel about you
and how much you mean to me.
And you know what?
I was consumed
with nothing but peace.
Pure peace.
I love you.
I love you, too.
And be not conformed
to this world:
But be you transformed
by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove
that good, glorious,
and perfect will of god.
That you may know that good,
acceptable,
and perfect will of god.
- Which would you prefer to have?
- Frosted flakes or fruit loops?
Well, obviously fruit loops.
Why? Why obviously?
Well, you're a fruit loop.
There you are.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Okay, got 'em.
You get everything?
Mm-hmm.
These are going to storage.
Well, so you can have a little
more room for your shoes?
Shut up.
I have never seen anyone
with more shoes than you.
You can never have
too many shoes.
Get those out of here.
Hello?
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Good.
I finished school.
But I'm no longer on their path.
So what path are you on now?
My own.
I'm going to be the pastor
of my own church.
Why are you calling?
Um...
I, uh...
I got the picture
you sent of Olly.
I know it was months ago,
but I didn't respond.
So how is she?
Oh, she's getting old.
But she's okay.
She has this
stuffed animal that she
carries around with her now
everywhere she goes
like it's her baby.
Bennett...
I should tell you
before someone else does.
I'm engaged.
To a...
Really amazing woman.
Now, I know
what you're thinking because
I asked myself the same thing...
Am I really in love with her
or am I only doing this
to be right in god's eyes?
And I'm truly
in love with her, Bennett.
God went to the root
of my same sex desires
and he uprooted them.
He demonstrated
that they were abnormal.
Michael...
I'm really glad
you think you're happy.
And I wish you all the best.
I really do.
I think you know that.
But I have no idea
why you would call me up
and use words like "abnormal."
I'm so sorry for the way
that things went down.
But just because we don't
share certain beliefs,
it doesn't mean that
we can't still be friends.
I'll always be your friend.
And I really hope that this path
takes you where you wanna go.
But I also hope that...
As you're setting out
to help other people...
That you really take some time
to help yourself.
I-i am. I...
I'm not gonna sit here
and say that I know
I'll be this way
for the rest of my life.
We're always changing, evolving.
And I'm open to that.
Then...
I guess nothing's
really changed.
Yeah.
You take care of yourself, okay?
Goodbye, Michael.
Bye.
Here they come.
Hi, I'm Michael.
Paul.
I hear you're
having some trouble.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I just...
Don't understand...
Why god made me like this.
He didn't.
Trust me.
Let me tell you something.
You should never define yourself
by your choices or your desires.
Gay doesn't exist.
It's a false identity.
This isn't my choice.
Why would I choose this?
You always have a choice.
You wanna go to heaven, right?
Yes.
If you're a moral person,
then you'll choose
heterosexuality
in order to be with god.
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Where you going?
I'm gonna make us breakfast.
No.
Yeah, come on.
Breakfast is the most
important part of the day.
I'll have muffins at my meeting.
Muffins?
Yeah, muffins.
Blueberry.
Mmm, blueberry.
Okay, then we'll do lunch, okay?
Mmm, morning breath.
Oh, stop it!
Get off!
It's so cool
that you work at XY.
Yeah. Yeah, it's rad.
You guys are like the only cool
gay magazine out there right now.
Oh, yeah, sort of.
Hey, listen up, queens.
XY magazine is taking over!
It's our time to shine!
Matthew Shepard
was an openly gay man.
When he went to a Laramie,
Wyoming bar last week,
these two suspects
lured him outside,
pretending to be gay.
Now they're charged
with a vicious attack
that left Shepard
hanging on this fence
for 18 hours
in freezing temperatures.
Shepard remained on
life support until this morning
when he passed away.
Shepard's family
is grateful for support
from around the world.
They killed him
because they were afraid,
and they were afraid because of
what their churches tell them
and because of what
they see in movies.
It's fucking ridiculous.
I hope they get
the death penalty.
You're against the death penalty.
Not in this case.
That's like being
for free speech
until someone tells you
something that pisses you off.
He died a slow death
after being tied to a fence
and tortured.
Exactly, a slow death
is way more painful.
They should spend the rest
of their lives in prison.
Okay, look, we need
to move away from labels
because they segment
and they lead to persecution.
People don't wanna be
perceived as gay because...
They're afraid
they'll end up like Matthew.
But we are a gay magazine.
Identifying as gay
is being part of a community.
It's recognition,
it's progress...
We've been telling the kids in the magazine
to come out, to be proud to be gay.
They should be proud
to be themselves.
Gay and straight
are just social constructs.
Ugh. God,
you and your queer theory.
Class is in session
with professor Michael Glatze.
Shut up.
Okay, okay, look.
We need to put out the message
that being attracted
to the same sex
doesn't define who you are.
Hey.
Have you been smoking?
Just one.
Small one.
It was a small cigarette.
Busted.
Letters to the editor.
Ninety percent are some poor
teen with religious parents.
Fucking Christian fundamentalists
should burn in hell.
Uh, okay.
In the meantime,
there is a design competition
for the Halifax
international airport.
I don't wanna move to Halifax.
I know, but my father wants me
to head up the bid committee.
It's huge.
Halifax is so boring.
Your hometown is boring.
It's not.
Olympia?
Yeah.
It's all trees
and fog and coffee.
And the birthplace
of the riot grrrl movement
and where Kurt Cobain
wrote most of nevermind.
Oh, well...
Yeah.
In that case...
But it's unsustainable here,
unless you're in
the dot-com movement,
and I don't wanna live
in a studio on mission street
when we're 50.
Well, we won't be.
We'll be in a big mansion
on a hill. Duh.
May 21st, 2000.
I used to imagine myself
growing old
while living in a house
atop a hill in the Castro,
but what's more important to me
is growing old
with the love of my life:
Bennett.
So I'm leaving San Francisco
to live in Halifax, Canada.
Although I'm sad
to leave XY magazine,
I'm excited to finally accept
the speaking offers
I've been receiving
this past year,
thanks to my work
as a writer and activist.
What a lot of people
aren't aware of
is that the terms "heterosexual"
and "homosexual"
were only introduced
about a hundred years ago.
As my mother used to always say,
"when you help others,
you're helping yourself
as well."
We often read about
more sexually...
My goal is to thread a needle
through the fabric
of this country
and stitch together the lives
of gay kids everywhere.
I know a lot of you
are balancing religion
and sexuality,
but I mean, come on,
what god would punish you
for finding love?
This is where I spread
my mom's ashes.
Oh, my god.
She's still here.
Mom, I'm gonna
stay here with you.
No.
Don't be stubborn.
You are not skipping
a semester to be with me.
I can help you through this.
I'm gonna be fine.
I told you.
I feel better.
Really, Michael.
I am so proud of you.
I love you so much.
Hmm. I love you.
I should've stayed.
Everyone kept saying,
"don't worry, we're praying
for her, don't worry."
Everyone's gonna die.
No amount of praying
is ever gonna change that.
You're not getting up yet.
Five minutes more.
I can't believe I'm approaching
my one-year anniversary
here in Halifax,
Nova Scotia, Canada.
The food is amazing,
especially the Sushi.
The people are friendly
and although the gay community
is much smaller
than San Francisco,
I have some big plans
to really make an impact.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
Look, I have to find
something else to do.
I'm just not cut out
for administrative work.
Give it some time?
I have things I wanna do.
I want my own magazine.
I want something bigger.
I want...
I want to influence people.
I can't do that here.
You're being such a shit.
We made the decision
to leave San Francisco together.
No, we didn't.
I mean,
you had to take this job.
Just like you had to take the job
that took us to San Francisco.
Which is how you got your job at
XY, so you should be thanking me.
Is this...
This is supposed to be
Mexican food?
Why don't you go to the store
and make your own food?
Maybe I will.
You'll have to ask me
for money, though,
'cause you don't have any,
remember?
Thanks.
Hey.
Hey.
You're Mike, right?
Uh, yeah.
The XY survivor guide
really helped me out.
Are you stalking me
or something?
Tyler.
Hi.
Hi.
I just...
I wanted you to know
I agree with everything
that you say
about gay identity
and sexuality.
I don't wanna be put into a
box just because I'm gay.
You don't wanna be in a box?
No, I don't wanna be in a box.
You're so fucking cute.
Can I buy you a drink?
Don't you have a boyfriend?
Hmm...
He'll think you're cute, too.
It's a galaxy.
Uh, actually it's a spiral.
It's the only symbol
that means anything.
It's infinite,
no beginning, no end.
There's a beginning
and there's an end.
All right, well, there's
a more complicated one
that has no beginning
and no end,
but I can't do it
on my pancakes, okay?
How did you guys meet?
How did we meet?
Uh, San Francisco.
We volunteered at this
aids prevention organization.
And we both got arrested protesting
this Christian coalition event.
Which is how I knew
it was true love.
Awesome.
How about you?
What's your deal?
Who are you?
Uh...
I'm a physics student.
Really?
Yeah.
Physics.
Science.
Yeah. I wanna be an astronaut,
but that's probably a long shot.
Oh, god. I'd be terrified
to go into space.
It's just, to me,
earth is just this, like,
tiny speck in the universe.
And humans have only been around
for just a speck of that timeline.
So it's just...
There has to be more to life
than just this, don't you think?
Totally.
Totally.
So Tyler was really cute, huh?
Interesting.
Mm-hmm.
It is interesting, isn't it?
Very interesting.
You know why?
Because I love you so much.
And I really feel like we're
at a place in our relationship
where there's more
than enough love to go around.
And I know that
I'm not afraid of that
and I don't think
that you are either.
Mm-mm. Maybe I am afraid.
Well, you shouldn't be afraid
because I'm here to protect you.
Why?
Carrot thief.
Here's our very uncool
soccer mom Van.
Whoo!
Who are these guys?
July 23rd, 2002.
Road trip.
Road trip.
I'm driving across America
with Bennett and Tyler
for an exciting new project
I'm working on.
I guess both beds are taken.
I don't know where
you're gonna sleep.
Eenie, meenie, miney, Moe.
This is the most fun
I've ever had in my whole life.
Really?
No.
We are making a documentary
about queer youth in America,
because discrimination
against LGBT youth
must be eliminated.
I just wish people could see
that these kids have faces,
names, and voices
that need to be heard.
Growing up in the church
and realizing that you're gay
is very difficult.
You know, your family
has never talked about it.
I mean, I'm 13
and it's the first time
I've heard the word.
And when I heard the word
and knew what it was,
then it was like,
"hey, I know that.
I understand that.
That's me."
My mom, she's trying.
She's like really in the closet
about it.
She won't mention it to anybody
or anything like that.
Like, she tries to still act
like I'm straight
and expects me to act like
I'm straight along with her
when I'm not like that.
And this was
probably more overwhelming
when I tried
to kill myself, uh...
But I felt so invisible
to everyone around me
who was straight.
There are times when I realize
that I'm just as much a creation
of god as everyone else.
Olympia, Washington.
This is kind of somber.
But even though I grew up here,
because both my parents
don't live anymore,
it feels like this place
is a part of a past
that doesn't exist anymore.
And I wasn't gay here.
I mean, you couldn't be.
There was this kid that everyone
just thought was gay
and he had to leave school
'cause he got picked on so much.
What's it like here?
Liberty is Falwell territory.
So as you can imagine,
it's not very gay-friendly.
So why do you stay?
Uh...
Well, I...
I don't know. I, um...
I didn't come out
to friends and family
until last year.
And I have another year
before I graduate.
I'm a Christian.
So...
Which a lot of people
think is impossible,
but I think that's
just as ridiculous
as the anti-gay right, so...
Just a second.
Hey, Sof.
Do you want us
to call them for you?
We're just gonna... We're gonna
wait with you until he comes, okay?
Her mother just passed.
Do you mind not filming us?
So awful.
Here, let's pray.
Let's pray for her, okay?
All right, turn it off.
We just wanna ask, father,
that you would
just give her the strength
to get through this
incredibly difficult time
and we pray that you
would just fill us all
with the compassion to know
what she must be going through
because it would be impossible
for us to fully comprehend.
Just show her yourself, father,
during this time
and look to you right now,
father...
Hey.
Babe.
We gotta go. We gotta be there at 9:30.
You ready?
Yeah. All right. See
you in the car.
I didn't come out
to friends and family
until last year.
I'm a Christian.
So...
Which a lot of people
think is impossible,
but I think that's
just as ridiculous
as the anti-gay right, so...
When I was young, I didn't know
that there were people like me.
I felt lost, alone,
and confused.
I never even told my mother,
my best friend, that I was gay
because I was afraid
she wouldn't accept me.
That's why
we're on this journey:
To let gay kids know
that they are not alone.
And you know what?
I learned a lot as well.
Because we met
so many amazing people
who've heard their parents
or pastors
tell them they're wrong
and yet they've come
to the realization
that they're beautiful,
blessed, and that god
loves them just as they are.
I mean, people who believe
that homosexuality is wrong
are gonna change their minds
thanks to this next generation.
The sky is fucking beautiful.
What is this, babe?
Hmm?
Oh, it's stupid.
Just somebody gave it to me
on the street.
"Where will we go
when we die?"
Baby.
You guys, where will
we go when we die?
In 2012, the world
is supposed to end.
Is that a real thing?
I hope not.
Everyone knows this.
It's what they drew
on the Mayan calendar.
You know,
the Mayan calendar thing.
That's what they drew.
It was the moon and the sun.
What? I'm curious.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We wanna know. Please.
We wanna know. Please.
I don't think they wanna know.
Mike.
You guys go on.
I'll meet you at home.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Where are you going?
Michael?
What's that about? I have
absolutely no earthly idea.
Baby.
I was worried about you today.
What's going on?
It's stupid.
Baby, nothing's stupid.
Tell me what.
Do you think when we die,
we just disappear
like we never existed?
No, I don't think that.
Because I know that
we'll always be together.
Baby.
Baby.
Baby, you're okay.
I'm here.
Let's pray for her.
Let's pray.
Bennett!
Bennett!
I'm really lightheaded.
It's okay. It's okay. We're almost there.
We're almost there.
Okay.
Your heart rate seems to have
returned back to normal.
Can you check again?
Just because your father had HCM
does not mean that you have it.
We followed our chest pain protocol
and there's nothing abnormal.
You had a panic attack. Okay?
Where's Bennett?
He's in the lobby.
As soon as you're checked out,
you can see him.
All right?
Thank you.
I was 13 years old,
walking along the beach
with my father,
when he suddenly collapsed
and died
from an unexpected
heart condition.
If I've inherited his disease,
the same thing
could happen to me.
What's wrong, baby?
It's happening again.
I can feel it.
The tests confirmed that...
They don't know.
They don't care.
Now I'm having heart
palpitations all the time.
And contrary to what
the doctors keep saying,
I just know
they aren't panic attacks.
After months of fighting
with my insurance,
I was finally allowed
to see a specialist
who could definitively test
whether or not
I inherited
my father's condition.
Now I have to wait
for the results.
Michael, just calm down.
Calm down!
Do you know
what this disease means?
It means I could die any
minute, just drop dead!
You calm down!
Dr. Williams?
Hi.
Thank you, god.
Thank you, god.
The test confirmed
that I did not inherit
my father's heart condition.
Although it's
a massive sigh of relief,
I keep thinking to myself...
If I was really
just having panic attacks,
then what's wrong with me?
What am I afraid of?
All I know is that when
faced with your own death,
it reminds you
of what's important in life.
And for me,
that's helping other people.
Okay.
So I've decided
to start my own magazine.
I'm calling it YGA.
Young gay Americans.
It's gonna be the biggest
and most sophisticated magazine
aimed at improving the lives
of LGBT youth.
Hmm.
What is this?
What is this?
Oh, my god! Hi!
You didn't.
I know you wanted one, baby.
Oh, my god!
Ooh.
What are we gonna call you?
What are we gonna call you?
Olly. Olly, heel.
I've been thinking
about the next issue of YGA.
I think we need to address
this whole Christianity thing.
What do you mean?
Well, people think that gays
and Christians are enemies.
We've met so many people who've managed to
balance their faith and their sexuality.
But we've also met
so many people whose parents
and churches tell them
they're gonna burn in hell.
Yeah, which is why we should
address it in the magazine.
I mean, the whole "you're gay,
you're going to hell" myth
was started by mistranslations and
misinterpretations of the Bible.
I mean, god doesn't care
what your sexual orientation is.
And the one thing that the gay
movement doesn't understand
that I think Christianity does
is that not everyone wants to
be a part of the subculture.
I'm sorry, what did you
do with my boyfriend?
Shut up.
I'm not gonna write like...
Gospel according to Michael
or something.
It might seem strange
for a gay youth magazine
to dedicate an entire issue
to religion,
but it's too important
to ignore.
When my parents died,
I blamed god.
When I came out,
I distanced myself even further
from religion.
You see, I thought I was
too smart to believe in god,
that he was only for the needy.
But after a recent health scare,
I felt this nudging
in the back of my mind:
The presence of god.
And you know what?
I was no longer afraid.
Aah!
Some religious figures
spout hateful rhetoric
and try to force
a monopoly on the truth.
But the only truth is love.
The only sin is denying love.
Stop hating.
Start loving.
You gonna join us?
Uh, yeah, just one second.
What?
Uh, you're really combing
through that thing, aren't you?
Look, my whole life, I thought
the Bible was full of hate...
And it's not.
There's a lot of love in here.
So your interest in the Bible
is more than just research?
Well, there's a lot of
Christian roots in my family,
my mom, my aunt and...
Just curious.
Your aunts disowned you
when you came out.
That's not family.
I'm all for curiosity but...
I-I just feel like
something saved me,
shook me and woke me up.
And that someone is god?
Mike, he didn't save you
because you were never dying.
Okay.
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
Don't see many people
flaunting that out in the open.
Oh.
I've seen you
reading out here before
and I thought maybe you'd
wanna come to my church.
Any Sunday,
just to check it out.
See what the Mormon religion
has to offer.
The gospel teaches us
that we are the spirit children
of heavenly parents.
Now, many people ask,
are we like other Christians?
Why of course we are.
We believe in Jesus Christ
and we believe
in life after death.
And everyone is welcome
at the LDs church.
Christ's atonement allows mankind
to be saved from their sins...
And to return to live with god
and their loved ones in heaven.
Did you grow up
with any kind of faith?
Not really.
My mother was Christian,
but she didn't really take
me or my sister to church,
and my father
was a Berkeley hippie,
kind of agnostic
or even atheist.
They were very good people
and I know
I'll see them again in heaven.
My mom passed away as well.
So I know how hard that is.
I was so afraid and angry,
you know?
Yeah, me, too.
It's really hard
to deal with death
when you don't know
where you're going.
But once you do,
then you have peace
and you realize
that god's not to blame.
Right.
Yeah.
Catherine.
It was nice to meet you.
You, too.
She's single, Fyi.
Fyi?
What, you think she likes me?
Yeah. Yeah,
it seemed like it.
But I mean, don't worry. There's plenty
of single ladies looking for a husband.
I wasn't even thinking
about that kind of thing.
Oh, well, maybe it's something
you should start thinking about.
I can get you in touch with her
if you want.
Oh, um...
If you're interested.
Sure. I don't know.
Yeah? Okay. Whatever.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Okay, thanks.
Embarrassing me a little bit.
Welcome back to new beginnings
and thank you for listening
to our continued conversation
about the truth path to heaven.
Doctor, how would you respond
to other Christians
who disagree with your angle?
Look, all I'm trying
to do is help people.
It just pains me so much when
I hear so-called Christians
side with the left on issues
such as homosexuality.
Now, I'm not condoning hate.
In fact, this is about love.
Choosing a gay identity
will condemn you
to an eternity of suffering.
And I wanna save people
from that.
Whether it's abortion
or adultery
or accepting religions
other than Christianity,
you must obey god's law
or you will not be allowed
into his kingdom.
I'm not saying that. I'm not
saying that it's wrong.
I'm just saying that over the
course of thousands of years,
people with an agenda have made
Christianity what it is today.
Yeah, but the original message is
still the same, it's about love.
You know, I would've never
pegged you as a Buddhist.
Why?
What, 'cause I don't look
a certain way?
No, I...
I don't know why
I just said that.
I'm just kidding you.
Meditation.
People get weird in their head
about meditation.
They think it's weird or hippie.
I think it's about
developing mindfulness.
You know, it's about
living moment to moment.
And in a deeper level,
it's about knowing yourself.
That's why I started volunteering
at the Buddhist center.
They have classes on Friday.
You should come.
Oh, I have to go out of town
for this speaking thing.
What kind of speaking thing?
It's about gay youth in America.
No way. That's awesome.
Welcome to our very first panel
on being young and gay
in America.
Joining us is Judy Shepard,
president of
the Matthew Shepard foundation,
dedicated to
working towards causes
championed by her son Matthew
during his life.
Thank you for joining us.
Michael Glatze,
former editor of XY magazine,
recipient of equality forum's
national role model award
as well as lambda's
literary award
for XY's survival guide,
participant in the
award-winning documentary
Jim in bold,
and co-founder
of young gay Americans,
which is now
a full-fledged magazine.
What does being gay mean to you?
Gay doesn't mean the same thing
that it meant 20 years ago.
And it's more important now
than ever
to make allies
and make alliances
both inside
and outside the gay community.
Gay doesn't mean the same thing
that it meant 20 years ago.
It's not about...
Hey.
No.
I have to walk the dog.
Hey.
What are you doing?
I need some space.
Mike...
Look, I just...
I need some time
to figure this out,
to see where this is taking me.
Why can't you come to me
for help?
We have to talk about this
before...
Look, I just...
I need to get away
from this life.
Our life?
Yes.
And what exactly is it about our life that
you need to get away from, being gay?
I don't know.
I don't know!
Okay, uh, are you
attracted to women?
Because if that's the case,
then fine, go explore.
I just wanna be with my parents in heaven.
Is that so hard to understand?
Can you even hear yourself
right now?
What happened to the
misinterpretation of the Bible?
It's a fucking book, Mike!
I read the Bible the same way
I read anything else,
with an open mind
and an open heart.
Oh, is that what you call this?
'Cause the way you're talking doesn't
exactly sound very fucking open-minded.
This relationship has just developed
into something unhealthy.
What does that even mean?
Tyler?
You were just as
interested in that as I was.
No.
I just wanted you to be happy
because I was afraid
you were gonna leave.
I was never gonna leave, Mike.
I've stood by you.
I've held your hand while you
were so terrified of dying
that you created illnesses
that didn't even exist.
The truth is that
I was living a lie.
The truth is that god loves us...
Shut the fuck up!
Okay.
Wait.
Please don't go.
Where are you going?
The thing
that will really kill you...
Is repressing who you truly are.
That's what you
should really be afraid of.
So he just left this here
out in the open?
I have come to a decision
that will be shocking
to anyone I used to relate to.
The presence of god
has grown strong in my life.
He told me that my panic attacks
were caused by my shallow,
sinful lifestyle.
I've come to the realization
that identifying as gay
prevents you from finding
your true self within.
And we must be our true selves
in order to join god
in his kingdom.
Therefore, I, Michael Glatze,
no longer identify as gay.
Why did you do it?
"Gay activist goes straight"?
You gave the anti-gay right
the story of their dreams.
I don't know why.
I don't know.
Who pushed you?
No one.
I just wanted to tell my story.
Look, I think this all happened
because god needed
to teach me a lesson.
That's why I'm here,
to make it better.
Meditation is a way
of slowing down
and developing kindness
towards yourself.
Through mindfulness practice,
we develop strength of mind.
We become more present
and we learn
to appreciate our world.
God works in mysterious ways.
He has sent me to a place
where I can get away
from the physical world
so that I can focus
on my true self...
A happier, healthier man,
free of unnatural desires.
At first, I didn't understand
why god would send a Christian
to a Buddhist retreat.
But I have faith
in his plan for me.
Desire is powerful.
And god is testing me.
But I refuse to give in
to temptation.
I've come to the realization
that god wants me
to use meditation
to rid myself
of abnormal desires.
God gave Buddha the light
to be Buddha.
He did.
Michael,
what are you talking about?
I just want us to be on the
right path for our future,
for our health,
for the afterlife.
I am on the right path, okay?
My path.
Michael, i...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Nico.
It's the same kind of strength
that you need
to-to clear your mind.
You know, we just, we need
to find that strength
to fight what we both know
in our hearts is wrong.
We just have to fight it.
Stop, Michael. Stop.
No, I mean...
Michael, you're confused.
You're very confused
and it's at my expense.
People have been asking
how I am.
Some out of support.
Others who think
I've reconsidered.
I've come to the realization
that Bennett represents soul,
Tyler represents body,
Nico represents mind.
Father, son, holy ghost.
I guess god need me
to complete the Trinity
in order to move on.
So I'm ready to set
the record straight.
I was a heterosexual person
with a homosexual problem,
and I took care of that problem.
I have not reconsidered.
A good number of people
have come forward
and expressed their concern
about your being involved
with this organization.
This center is supposed
to accept everyone.
Yes, and we do.
We welcome people
of all beliefs,
but we don't tolerate hate.
I don't hate anybody.
Michael, you've written what some
would call very hateful things.
Those are my beliefs.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Are you okay?
I don't know...
I don't understand
what has changed, but I, uh...
Here we practice compassion.
And I'm just, I'm afraid
this isn't gonna work out.
So, because I'm Christian
and I express my opinions...
I have to leave.
That's so messed up.
That's really everything?
Your whole life
is in that one bag?
Yeah.
Do you think you'll stay here?
I mean, San Francisco can't
be the best place for an...
Ex-gay.
I'm not an ex-gay.
I'm just me.
Honestly, I thought
you'd be happy.
I mean, you never
really approved.
That's not true.
Then why haven't we been close?
I mean, you're my sister.
We're supposed to be there
for each other.
We can be close now.
I'm glad you're here.
And I want you to be happy...
Loving whomever.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
No, I can't.
What?
No, I'm sorry. Uh...
What happened?
I can't. Um...
It's not you, it's...
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Olly, it's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
Hello?
Michael?
Bennett.
Where are you?
Are you okay?
Michael?
I have to go.
Wait, why did you call me,
Michael?
To my friends who are trapped
in homosexuality:
I wanna thank you
for your kind comments
and keen observations
regarding my story
and my revelation that
I am no longer homosexual
and am now heterosexual.
The gay identity has been
packaged and fed to you,
and if you identify as gay
then you have eaten it,
preventing you
from further growth
and understanding
of your true self.
But it's not too late
to save yourself.
If you follow my lead.
I am confident.
I am blessed.
I am strong.
I am ready to give up
my life for Christ
in order to find my true self.
You sure you
don't want a coffee?
I don't drink coffee anymore.
You're well?
Yeah. Why?
Just asking.
I'm great.
I've never been better.
Well, I just wanted to see
how you're doing.
So does Bennett.
Hmm.
I wish I could understand
what you're going through.
I just don't want to be
perceived as gay
for the rest of my experiences.
It's that simple.
Are you still with Bennett?
No.
I'm, uh, going to Europe
to study space science.
That's great.
I'm going to Bible school.
God told me to become a pastor.
I don't want to open
old wounds or anything,
but I also don't know when
I'll ever see you again.
I want you to know
how much you meant to me.
I know you don't care anymore.
But I needed to say it.
For closure.
This whole thing...
It broke my heart.
Tyler...
I'm sorry.
But I need to live
for myself now.
Okay.
Okay.
Take care.
Now, sometimes somebody's
gonna ask you what you believe.
They're gonna say,
"you're a Christian,
all right,
what do you believe?"
Maybe they're an atheist
or a agnostic or a Muslim
or a Buddha, you know,
who knows what they are?
And you better be ready
to tell 'em.
We believe the Bible
is the word of god,
the supreme, final authority
in life and in our faith.
We believe in one god,
eternally existing
in three persons:
The father,
the son, and the holy spirit.
And we believe
the sole condition
for receiving everlasting life
is belief and faith alone
in the lord Jesus Christ.
Thank you.
I'll have one of those, please.
Hi, I'm Michael.
Uh, hi, I'm Rebekah.
Guess we like
all the same things.
I love it here.
I mean, I never though
I'd end up in Wyoming,
but I feel like I've
finally found my niche.
Where'd you think you'd end up?
That's a good question.
I don't know.
All I know is that I've
always wanted to help people,
because some people
struggle so much
when the solution
is actually very simple.
It's right there in Matthew 10:
The road may not be easy,
but if we give up our lives
for Christ, then we'll find
our true selves.
Where did you go to college?
Dartmouth.
Wow.
And you majored in music?
In creative writing
and English literature,
but I minored in music
theory and composition.
That must've kept you busy.
What kind of stuff
did you write?
Well, my thesis
was all poetry, actually.
Can I read some?
Oh, I don't have it anymore.
My poetry
is from a different life.
But I, um...
I'm so interested in music now
because it transcends language.
You know, it's like people
don't have to argue about it
or judge it or misinterpret it.
They can just listen.
You know, I just play
and they just listen.
You know?
I don't know if I do,
to be honest,
but the way you say it,
I want to.
I'm sorry, I'm just blabbing.
What about you?
No, don't be sorry!
You're not blabbing. Um...
I majored in theater.
Theater? Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was really fun, but
it's not like it's a real job.
I actually stage managed
a little bit after college,
but I don't know, I felt adrift.
So I came here,
hoping to figure out my path.
Me, too.
I can't believe
you've never had Sushi.
Who hasn't had Sushi?
It's crazy.
Mm.
Oh, no.
You don't like it.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh...
I'm sorry.
No, I used to hate it
when my ex did that.
Always making decisions.
We can go somewhere else.
No.
No, no, no.
No, it's okay.
Are you sure?
Yes. Yeah.
You like it. It's fine.
Uh, how, um, how long ago
was the ex you mentioned?
Oh. It was a long time ago.
It was, uh...
I don't know why
I brought that up.
It was stupid.
Well, um, was it serious?
Were you gonna marry her?
It was serious,
but, um, no, not marriage.
What about you?
Oh, no, I've...
I've never been in
a serious relationship.
My parents are very,
very conservative.
Do you think
they'd approve of me?
The future pastor
I met at Bible school?
Yes, I think they'd approve.
Rebekah.
Hi.
Hi.
What?
I just...
Since when do you
wear shirts like that?
What? It's not inappropriate
and it's hot out.
You're here to serve our lord,
not distract our men.
I don't think
I'm distracting anyone.
Is this about Michael?
We are not letting what we have
get in the way of our studies.
Besides, the lord
brought us together.
It's about his past.
What about it?
You really don't know?
Know what?
Rebekah.
Oh. Hi.
Are we still meeting?
Yeah, just let me finish this.
I'll be right there.
Okay.
I'll be in the cafeteria.
Okay.
I have something
I have to tell you.
You already know, don't you?
Are you still attracted to men?
No.
It's in the past.
Okay, I...
God showed me the light.
He showed me the truth.
A lot of people have pasts
they're not proud of,
but god forgives, right?
My life has changed so much
since I've met you.
And my feelings for you
are real.
My feelings for you
are real, too.
But I feel like we should just keep
hanging out and see what happens.
Maybe not settle on
anything too specific.
If that's okay.
Okay.
Hi, I'm Michael.
Now, I wanna tell you
a little secret
about a great gift from god.
This gift is a human emotion
and considered destructive
by the enemies of god.
Fear.
You can never, never, never stop
fearing yourself.
We are our own worst enemies.
And we must fear ourselves till
the day we meet god himself.
God didn't put us here to live
our lives in constant fear.
No, of course not.
And then he scolded me
for asking questions.
Well, that's not fair.
We're here to learn
and we learn in part
by asking questions.
No, we're here to serve god,
not to identify
as the exact kind of Christians
they want us to be.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
You know what's best because
that's god speaking through you.
You wanted to see me?
Now, you've been rallying
the students against us
as though you're being
controlled by the devil himself.
I've learned a lot
about the Bible here,
and for that I thank you.
But I refuse to be controlled
by anyone other than god.
I follow my own path.
Yeah, and you want others
to follow you.
Perhaps it's best
if we mail you your diploma
and that you not attend
the ceremony.
I don't know if I
can stay here anymore.
Oh. Where will we go?
We?
Uh, I've been praying about it.
About us.
I told god how I feel about you
and how much you mean to me.
And you know what?
I was consumed
with nothing but peace.
Pure peace.
I love you.
I love you, too.
And be not conformed
to this world:
But be you transformed
by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove
that good, glorious,
and perfect will of god.
That you may know that good,
acceptable,
and perfect will of god.
- Which would you prefer to have?
- Frosted flakes or fruit loops?
Well, obviously fruit loops.
Why? Why obviously?
Well, you're a fruit loop.
There you are.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Okay, got 'em.
You get everything?
Mm-hmm.
These are going to storage.
Well, so you can have a little
more room for your shoes?
Shut up.
I have never seen anyone
with more shoes than you.
You can never have
too many shoes.
Get those out of here.
Hello?
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Good.
I finished school.
But I'm no longer on their path.
So what path are you on now?
My own.
I'm going to be the pastor
of my own church.
Why are you calling?
Um...
I, uh...
I got the picture
you sent of Olly.
I know it was months ago,
but I didn't respond.
So how is she?
Oh, she's getting old.
But she's okay.
She has this
stuffed animal that she
carries around with her now
everywhere she goes
like it's her baby.
Bennett...
I should tell you
before someone else does.
I'm engaged.
To a...
Really amazing woman.
Now, I know
what you're thinking because
I asked myself the same thing...
Am I really in love with her
or am I only doing this
to be right in god's eyes?
And I'm truly
in love with her, Bennett.
God went to the root
of my same sex desires
and he uprooted them.
He demonstrated
that they were abnormal.
Michael...
I'm really glad
you think you're happy.
And I wish you all the best.
I really do.
I think you know that.
But I have no idea
why you would call me up
and use words like "abnormal."
I'm so sorry for the way
that things went down.
But just because we don't
share certain beliefs,
it doesn't mean that
we can't still be friends.
I'll always be your friend.
And I really hope that this path
takes you where you wanna go.
But I also hope that...
As you're setting out
to help other people...
That you really take some time
to help yourself.
I-i am. I...
I'm not gonna sit here
and say that I know
I'll be this way
for the rest of my life.
We're always changing, evolving.
And I'm open to that.
Then...
I guess nothing's
really changed.
Yeah.
You take care of yourself, okay?
Goodbye, Michael.
Bye.
Here they come.