Igor (2008) Movie Script
(PENNIES FROM HEAVEN PLAYING)
And every time it rains
It rains pennies from heaven
(THUNDER CRASHING)
Don't you know
each cloud contains
pennies from heaven?
You'll find your
fortune falling
All over town
Be sure that your umbrella
is up-up-up-up-upslde down
And trade them for a package
of sunshine and ravioli
IGOR: Nice weather
we're having, huh?
Here in the kingdom
of Malaria,
every dey's forecast is rainy
with a 100% chance of horror.
(THUNDER CRACKING)
It wasn't elweys
Ilke this, though.
Years ago, Maleria was
a sunny land of farmers.
Until the mysterious
storm clouds rolled
in and never left.
They killed our crops,
and our people became poor.
And that's when Klng Malbert
thought up a new way
for us to make money,
Evil Inventions.
The kind that
crush you, klll you,
bring you back to life,
then kill you again,
way worse.
We invent them, and the world
pays us not to unleash them.
Oh, It's a great gig,
especially if you're
an Evil Scientist.
Fame, fortune,
a rent-free castle
in the hills.
They get it all.
They're the top
of the heap.
Igor! Pull the switch!
Yes, Master!
IGOR: And the bottom
of the heap? Those are
the poor slobs like me,
born with a hunch
on our back, Igors.
Actually, that
Igor's not me.
Igor! Pull the switch!
Yes, Master!
IGOR: No, no, no,
that's not me, either.
(CAWING)
That's me.
See? I look nothing
like those other guys,
much better-looking.
Anyway, all Igors are forced
to serve Evil Scientists.
Our life is a permanent
graveyard shift.
But I never wanted
to be an Igor.
I always wanted to be
an Evil Scientist.
Unfortunetely,
the hunch on my back
was a one-way ticket
to Igor School.
I majored in Talking
With a Slur and graduated
with a Yes Masters Degree.
Then, it was off
to find a job.
Hi, I'm here about
the "Igor Wanted"
and. My name's Igor.
Well, of course it is.
I've got a hunch
on my back.
What's my name
gonna be? Kevin?
(LAUGHING)
IGOR: They didn't
appreciate my
creatlve style.
But eventually,
I landed a job for
Dr. Glickenstein.
Pull the switch!
IGOR: Not the
smartest scientist.
His last invention
was an Evil Lasagna.
It didn't klll anyone.
And it actually tasted
pretty good.
DR. GLICKENSTEIN: Igor!
IGOR: Igors aren't
allowed to invent,
but I still manage
to work on my own
inventions in secret.
And this new one
is gonna be the
one that proves
that I'm the biggest
Evil Genius of them all,
and not just another...
DR. GLICKENSTEIN:
(SHOUTING) Igor!
IGOR: Once they see
what I can do, I'll
have a whole new life,
and I'll never have to answer
to another master again.
Sorry Master.
What did you say?
Oh! I mean...
(GULPS)
(SLURRING) Sorry,
Master. I was in
the bathroom.
Had a bat stuck in the belfry, if you know what I mean. Master
I don t want to hear
your toilet memoirs,
you cretin!
I give you five
minutes a week to take
care of your business.
I'm not running
a resort here!
Now get over
there and...
Pull the switch!
Yes, Master!
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Who's the failure
now, Mother?
(ALARM BLARING)
(POWERING DOWN)
(GROANING)
(SOBBING)
Mummy, Mummy,
you were right!
I was never meant
to be a scientist.
I should have been
a plumber like you!
That was the first time
he was right all day.
You! Go find
me a 16- gigawatt
temporal transducer
Excuse me, Master, are
you sure you don't
mean 21- gigawatt?
You're correcting me?
Strike!
(CACKLING)
I should do more improve.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(GROANS)
My hunch.
(BONES SNAPPING)
Oh, there she goes.
Much better.
(SINGING) Good evening,
friendsl
IGOR: That's Scamper,
one of my most
successful inventions.
I made him immortal.
Which is kind of a hassle
for him, since he doesn't
want to live.
Will nothing end
this vicious cycle?
IGOR: I also made him talk.
Which is a hassle for me,
since he never shuts up.
No fair!
You wasted your
immortality formula
on the wrong guy, Igor.
IGOR: That's Brain, one
of my other inventions.
Legend has it when
the smartest man
in the world died,
they put his
brain in a jar.
This is not that brain.
(SQUEAKING)
I wanna live forever!
I got plans! And dreams!
I got a squeaky wheel!
Was that me?
Really, Brain?
You want to be trapped
in an endless existential
nightmare,
forced to keep living,
even though
life is meaningless
and nothing matters?
Possibly.
What exactly
did you say?
Too bad he wasted his
intelligence formula
on me, too, Brain.
Or should I
say "Brian"?
Hey! I was
in a hurryl
Stupid permanent marker.
IGOR: Enough
The Evil Science Fair
is in a week,
and Glickenstein
is gonna lose again.
Okay, I get it.
You want me to
fix his invention.
Now I'll just need a
screwdriver, some nails
and my bag of marbles.
Don't touch his
invention, Brain.
Final You don't
want the benefit
of my brain power?
Then, farewell,
Igor.
Like a gentle fawn,
I shall leave this
meadow.
(GRUNTING)
On second thought
maybe I'll stick
around,
(EXPLOSION)
So I can watch
Mr. Smarty- hunch
fix Glickenstein's
invention.
I couldl But you
know what would
happen if I did!
The same thing he'd
do if he found out
I invented you two.
He'd recycle me.
Can you imagine being
chopped up and used
for body parts
and God knows
what else?
Horrible.
(GROANING)
SCAMPER: Dang it!
Still here.
If I had my shot,
I could be one of the
greatest Evil Scientists
Malaria has ever seen.
They'd all cheer
my name
just like they
do for the great
Dr. Schadenfreude!
(ORGAN PLAYING OMINOUS TUNE)
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER: And now your
master of disaster,
the chief of grief,
a man who needs
no introduction,
but who will brutally
torture me if he
doesn't get one,
Dr. Schadenfreude!
Thank you, thank you.
You're too klnd!
And I'm not.
But I want to welcome you
all to my annual pre- Evil
Science Fair party.
My girlfriend Jaclyn.
(CHUCKLING)
You know, she
may seem like
a shallow,
conniving wretch...
That's all I got.
That pretty much
sums her up.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
A toast to the
undefeated winner of
and the greatest Evil
Genius in the world.
(FANFARE)
(SPITS)
Bow for the King!
(BAND PLAYING LIVELY MARCH)
"The greatest Evil
Genius in the world."
I rememberwhen people
used to call me that.
Back when the clouds
destroyed our peaceful
land of farmers,
and my plan to blackmail
the world saved us all
Yes, as you ve
told us all over
and over and over.
Yeah, well,
here's more.
Did you know that years
ago, Schoddy's family
name was Poekelmacher?
His family were
pickle-makers!
(ALL LAUGHING)
So, what's your Evil
Invention this year,
Doctor, kosher or dill?
(CROWD LAUGHING)
I want to shove
a pickle right where
the sun don't shine
You mean
Malaria,
Master?
(EXCLAIMS)
No matter how many
Evil Science Fairs
I win,
I always have to bow
down to that idiot
I will never get
the respect he gets!
Respect? Respect
isn't gonna keep me
in baby-seal boots.
(SEAL WHIMPERING)
You just need to
keep on winning
Well, that is spoken
like a true worthless
leech,
who, by the way still has
not helped me steal this
year's winning invention.
You know,
maybe if you were
a real scientist,
you wouldn't need
me to help you
cheat every year.
(MACHINERY WHINING)
(SNICKERS)
Your whole
lab is fake,
just like you.
And maybe I should
throw you back in the
gutter where I found you!
You're one to talk,
Dr. Schadenfraude!
You don't have
the guts.
(GASPS)
(GROANING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(GASPS)
(LAUGHING)
Is Daddy still
mad at me?
No.
But you and
your friend
Heidi
still have a litt e
job to do.
Oh, we're trying.
Well, try a little
bit harder!
Because this year,
I won't stop at
just winning the
Evil Science Fair.
(JACLYN LAUGHING)
I'm gonna unleash
my winnlng invention
on the King's
smug little face,
and then he'll be
the one groveling
at my feet!
(YODELING)
Hi there!
Look, it's your
little girlfriend,
Heidi.
You take a cocoa break,
and I'll guard
your plans for
your new invention.
No, wait! You'll
spill on my plans.
Heidi, you re not
careful enough!
You're so sloppy
sometimes.
Oh, poopshkin.
I went to the evil
bookstore and got you
an inspirational poster.
It's a little kitten!
To remind you to always
take time in your day
for a little torture
My transducer!
Time to go
I have no time for
cocoa or kittens!
I have to work on
my plans alone
and in secret.
(EXCLAIMING)
In otherwords,
bon voyage.
Who doesn't like
tortured kittens?
I...
I like kittens.
I don't like dirty
little hunchpeople.
Great, Schadenfreude's
gonna kill me.
(SIGHS)
And why are there
two transducers?
Master, the 21- gigawatt
might be somewhat safer,
I think.
Think? Igors
don't think.
I m using the
you fool!
Now get over there
and pull the switch!
What are you
waiting for?
Yes, Master!
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
I told you the
you Igor
Behold my rocket ship
(CACKLES)
Born to stream
through the world,
un eashing pain and
misery on everyone.
I named her after
you, Mother.
(CACKLING)
(ALARM BLARING)
Now to take the old
cow for a test drive.
No, Master!
The rocket
is going to...
(GLASS SHATTERING)
Uh... Yeah that.
SCAMPER: Finally.
Now I can throw out
that rug in the foyer
That thing is hideous.
We were all thinking
it. I just said it.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Oh, no, who's that?
What am I gonna do?
Relax, this is
Glickenstein's
castle.
And he doesn't have
to open that door
for anyone.
ROYAL GUARD:
Open for the King!
Except for the King.
Oh, my God
Oh, my God
He's here to
see Glickenstein!
What do I tell him?
Tell him the truth.
And if he kills us,
I'll come back
and give you a
beautiful funeral.
Right, right. The truth,
that's a good option.
Right, right.
Glicky!
Glicky, my boy
Where's Glicky?
Your Highness,
he's gone.
Curse it I need to
see his invention.
Schadenfreude is
getting too popular.
The people might
make him king.
Someone has
to beat him
this year,
with an invention
more evil than his.
Someone who can snatch
Schadenfreude's number
one position
and rub his face
In number two!
BOTH: Ew!
Your Highness,
Dr. Glickenstein is
creating life!
Did you say "life"?
Yes.
Think ng, breathing
life that can destroy
freely all on its own.
No Evil Scientist
has ever been able
to create life!
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, sure they've
mutated life.
They've ended life.
They've blasted ife
into a million gooey
pieces.
But created life?
A weapon like that would
be the greatest Evil
Invention of all time.
And its inventor
the greatest Evil
Scientist of all time?
Of course!
This is what I've
been waiting for.
And it's your job
to make sure nothing
happens to Glickenstein,
or I'll throw
you down the
recycling chute
and use your hunch
as a speed bump!
(GULPS)
Oh, this is big.
Schadenfreude'is
winning streak is over.
Come on boys!
Let's go kick
some old people.
(LAUGHS)
Ow! What is wrong
with you?
That's for having
a death wish.
That's my thing.
I am not gonna
die, Scamper.
For the first time ever,
I'm gonna live!
(SCREAMS)
I sometimes come
down here to think.
Wow, how interesting.
What' s next?
You're gonna
pull out a guitar
and play us a song you
wrote in college about
being misunderstood?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
I know, right?
And she's not
even done yet.
(SCREAMING)
(JUMP, JIVE 'N' WAIL PLAYING)
Baby, baby, It looks
like it's gonna hail
Baby, baby, It looks
like it's gonna hail
You better come inside
Let me teech you
how to jive and wail
(BRAIN SCREAMING)
Come on, bigger.
Do it. Come on,
make it bigger.
Bigger!
(SCREAMS)
Okay to the left.
Very good. Now
back to the right.
No, no, no!
To the left, now back
to the right. To the
right. To the right.
Is that even
herhand?
(GROANS)
(EXCLAIMS)
And now to
make her skin
indestructible.
You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wail
(SCREAMS)
(LAUGHING)
Did you see that?
Shoot him again.
And now,
the crucial
last piece,
the source of all
the Monster's power,
the Evil Bone.
I have to hurry.
It loses its power
in the light.
That's it.
Only one thing
left to do.
(CHUCKLES)
He said "do."
Pull the switch!
(ECHOING)
Do not yell at me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just...
Pull the switch.
Please pull the switch.
That's better.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Why does he get to
pull the switch?
(SIGHS)
Because I'm not
an idiot, Brian.
My name is not Brian!
Then you must
have his jar.
Stop! You can both
pull the switch.
On the count
of three. One.
Hey! No fair!
You said we could
both pull the...
(SCREAMS)
(SHUDDERING)
Rise!
Rise!
(ALARM BLARING)
(POWERING DOWN)
I...
I don't believe it.
I'm a failure.
I'm a...
I'm an Igor.
Get rid of
that thing.
I never want to
see it again.
Funny you should
say that.
Uh... Igor? Yeah.
Where did the
monster go?
I don't know, Brain.
May I suggest
looking behind
you?
(SCREAMS)
It was just a suggestion.
(BRAIN SQUEAKING)
Maybe it just
spontaneously
combusted?
Oh, yeah sure.
I've read about
that in...
Who am I kidding?
I can't read!
(CLANGING)
(METALLIC CREAKING)
(ALL GASP)
(SHUDDERS)
(EXCLAIMS IN ALARM)
(ROARING)
And just like that
she was out of
their lives.
I did it. I...
I created life.
Has that
hole alwayss
been there?
Come on!
SCAMPER: Let me
get this straight
We are chasing after
the bloodthirsty
monster?
"Home For
Blind Orphans."
(SCREAMING)
Oh God,
she's killing
blind orphans!
That's so evil!
I mean, which
is great, but...
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
Blind orphans!
(KIDS LAUGHING)
(SQUEALING)
I wanna go next
(WHOOPING)
Me, me, pick me!
I wonder what
diabolical deed
she has planned next.
Piggyback rides?
It's my turn!
I wanna go next!
I wanna go next!
Me! Me! Pick me!
Me! Me!
Blind orphans
get everything!
Ah
Your very large friend
is a sweetheart.
No, she's not.
I am your master,
and I command you
to stop this gesture
of goodwill right now
and put them down.
Down!
Okay, now you're gonna
march right back to
the castle, got it?
Oh, he's dead!
(SNIRFS)
Those are
paper flowers
the orphans sell.
Sounds like someone
likes them
You touch it,
you buy it!
(CREATURE HOWLING)
(PANTING)
Master!
I looked inside
Dr Glickenstein's
castle
and didn't see anyone.
But that's not all...
Yes, it s,
because your
voice is annoying.
Now to break into
Glickenstein's
castle
and steal the plans
like Heid failed
to do.
What did this?
I'm guessing
something big.
Something like this.
Life? Glickenstein
invented life?
I don't think he
had a hand in it.
Well, if he's toast,
who invented that?
I don't believe it.
Wow,
so not only is every
other Evil Scientist
smarter than you,
an Igor is, too?
(CHUCKLES) Ouch!
Smart is not
mouthing off
to the man who has
just found his way
to take the throne.
(VOCALIZING)
(BABY, WON'T YOU PLEASE
COME HOME PLAYING)
Oh, baby, won't you
please come home?
'Cause your little daddy's
gonna be all elone
She must be making
a club of flowers
to smash us with.
(WHISPERING)
This must be very
embarrassing for you.
I never thought that
we could part
For every hour in the day
you can hear me say
Baby, won't you
please come home?
I need you, I need you
Okay clearly
her Evil Bone
wasn't activated
when she came to
life. That's it.
Ooh! I have an idea!
Is it about
this situation?
No.
Is it even an idea?
Is French fries
an idea?
(BUZZING)
So, how do you
activate it?
We need to
kick-start it
We need to get
her to commit
one act of evil.
(SCORRS)
She wouldn't
hurt a fly.
Okay. Monster,
I command you to
kill that fly.
Kill it! Kill it!
Kill it,
girl! Come on!
You're a killer!
Maim it!
Wound it!
Insult it!
Something!
Kill it! Kill it!
Kill, kill, kill!
You were saying?
(BUZZING)
No, no, no!
You're evil!
Evil!
Evil!
E...
Eva.
What? No,
you're not Eva.
Eva. Eva.
What now,
genius?
Well, thank you
for asking. What
we're going to do...
Go soak your
brain Brian.
That's actually
not a bad idea.
IGOR: Monster want
a brain wash?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(BUZZER RINGS)
Next!
Hi, I'd like to...
Hey, who you talking to?
I'm the head guy here!
Oh, excuse me. Sorry.
What the heck
is that?
It's my Aunt Eva.
She's getting
a little sweet
in her old age
so I'd like
to, I don't know,
evil her up a bit.
"Sunday Night Massacre."
No. "Arsonist. '
Gee, they all
look so good.
How about the
"Axe Murderer"
brain wash?
Oh! She must be
very special to
you.
Hey! Don't touch
that! It s a very
complicated system!
One wrong button
and you'll just be
watching regular cable!
You wanna waste
your nephew's money
ike that? Huh? Huh?
(SCREAMING)
(KNIFE SWIPING)
Gosh I feel like
I'm sending my kid
off to school for
the first time.
You know, to learn
how to murder.
Hi. How are you?
Great wings.
Listen, could you
squeeze me in for
a brain wash, too?
A nice thorough
scrubbing.
What are you?
An imbecile?
Oh, perlez Italian?
Taco grande to meet
you.
Yeah. Take Brian
to Room Number 4.
"Wish you weren't there.
"This card teleports your
enemy to you so you can
destroy him in person."
Call me old- fashioned,
but what happened
to cards that just
blew your head off?
Just think Scamper.
In a few short moments,
I'm gonna have the
most Evil Invention
of all time.
It's my whole life savings,
but I think I'm going
to treat myself.
(CLICKING)
(MACHINERY WHIRRING)
Oh, my hunch.
"Happy Mother's Day.'
See, that's what
I'm talking about.
Simple, elegant, classic.
You've seen a lot
of brains I'm sure.
Mine's biggerthan
average, right? No?
Hello? Can you
even talk?
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
Canadians.
I'll just watch TV.
Whoops!
Butterfingers.
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
Oh. Great. Hold on.
(SHUDDERING) And it's cold,
it's cold, it's cold,
it's cold, it's cold.
(SCREAMING)
Hey, Monster, can I
borrow your remote?
Thank you.
Oh, come on!
(SCREAMING)
(JINGLE PLAYING)
Let's do the twist
Around and around
and around
Stupid remote!
To plumb the depths
of Blanche DuBois
in Streetcar
is the ultimate chellenge
for any modern actress.
Well, our evil bun
should be out of
the oven soon.
Estephan, you're
a magician!
What s that smell?
My new air freshener,
"Dead Dog." Jealous?
I don't hear anything.
(SCREAMING)
I think it worked.
(ROARING)
Maybe they
dld too much?
Oh. Was it?
Was I too much?
I was pushing,
wasn't I?
It was only a vocal
exercise, but that is
a beginner's mistake
I have to own that.
That's just where I am.
If only I knew
whether I had
the "it" factor.
But how can you
know? I mean, you
can t learn that,
you just have to
be born with it.
Oh listen to me
going on and on
about me, me, me.
Let's talk about
you, Igor Do you
think I have "it"?
Let's thank ourguest who
has taught us in one hour,
a lifetime worth of
lessons in acting.
Acting?
(EXCLAIMS)
Who changed
the channel?
Wait, where's
the remote?
Move it!
I need this room.
No, no, no
Wait! We need to
unbrainwash her!
No can do, pal.
Every wash comes with
a sealant guaranteed
to last a lifetime.
In otherwords,
buzz off!
EVA: Okay, things to do,
sign up for yoga classes
get new headshots,
adopt children from
all over the world.
Oh time for my
elocution exercises.
I need a box of biscuits
I need a box of biscuits
It s just failure
after failure.
After failure,
after failure...
Oh, sorry, I thought
we were counting off
all your failures.
EVA: Biscuit mixer
a box of mix...
A box of mixed
biscuits and a
biscuit mixer.
I need a box...
Stop the carriage!
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
Ow!
What? What's
the matter?
I don't mean to be a
prima donna, but I thlnk
I need a bigger trailer.
After failure,
after failure,
after failure...
After failure,
after failure...
That monster is
about to be mine.
Oh, really? How?
Well, with a little
something I just stole
for the occasion, okay?
(CLANKING)
EVA: Practice poses
for the red carpet,
become an environmentalist,
but still fly private
when necessary.
A Shrink Ray? Oh,
that's a genius plan
for stealing a monster.
Hey! I don't come
down to where you
work and...
Oh, that's right,
you don t work! So shut
your cake hole, darling!
Now to shrink Igor
and steal his monster.
(BEEPING)
(GASPS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Oh, God Did I hit it?
Did I hit it? I hope
I didn't hit it!
You, sir, put
the "Evil" in
"Evil Scientist."
Here we go
(SHRINK RAY BUZZING)
What the...
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Hold on! Pull over.
I'm getting jar sick!
Someone's trying
to shoot us!
Paparazzi! Why can't
those vultures leave
me alone?
(BRAIN EXCLAIMING IN DISTRESS)
BRAIN: This has totally
rulned my spa day.
(BUZZING)
SCAMPER:
To the right!
To the right!
EVA: This is the
worst car service
I have ever used!
Now I get to
watch you die.
Hold on!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Brake. Brake!
Uh- oh!
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Put the brake on,
you...
(SCREAMING)
Okay.
Fire the rocket booster!
I can't see
who it isl
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Here I come!
BRAIN: Oh
My beautiful face.
(MACHINERY BEEPING)
No more Doctor
Don't Kill Anybody!
(SHUDDERING)
We're not gonna make t!
We're not gonna make t!
(ALL SCREAMING)
If only you'd
made yourself
indesttructible!
Indestructible.
Indestructible
Who wants to be
a big movie star?
Me! Me! I do.
(SCREAMING)
(METAL CREAKING)
IGOR: This would be the
right time to curb your
suicida tendencies.
BRAIN (ECHOING)
Hey I can see my
room from here.
(EXCLAIMS)
(SNIRFING)
Go away! Look,
I'm very important.
Ew! What's
that smell?
Oh, yes, wait, it's
the big, whopping
stench of failure.
Ironically, at an inch
tall, you still have the
biggest mouth in Malaria.
(GASPS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
IGOR: Thank you.
You're very welcome.
You saved my life.
As an actor, I feel
things very deeply, and
I treasure all of life.
(HUMMING)
FIY,
it's actually me
you should thank.
I was the one who
changed the channel
on her brain wash.
What?
Yep,
and if she had been
evil, she would have
let us all die.
So technically,
I'm the one who
saved us.
But no need
to thank me.
Actually,
a "thank you"
would be nice.
It could be n the
form of a card or
a poem, your choice.
I also like ponies.
An axe?
I don't want an
axe. That's crazy
Why would you
offer me an axe?
You made my
monster an
actress!
This is why people
are afraid of
hunchbacks!
This! Right here!
Oh! What play are
they rehearsing?
Brain-Deed.
Don't et him kill me!
It's gonna be a smash
Don't let him kill me!
(WHIMPERING)
(EXHALES)
The only thing
killed here is
my dream
Bravo! Bravo!
Huh?
Oh, you guys are so
lucky to have work.
If only I had a
role I could really
sink my teeth into.
Eva, you're in luck.
In four days, there's
an audition for the lead
in the biggest
play to hit
Malaria since...
The Desperete Hunchbeck
Who Grasped at Straws?
Seriously, Eva,
this could be
your big break!
Oh, my gosh!
I don't believe
it! What play is it?
Play? What
play is It?
Is it Annie?
Annie?
So many terrific girls
got their start
playing Annie.
Yes, that's it!
It's Annie!
So it's actually
a musical?
(VOCALIZING)
I think I just
wet myself.
Someone can sing!
Gosh! Me trying
out for Annie,
the plucky orphan whose
song of hope lifts the
heart of a weary nation?
Yeah. Except
in this version,
Annie goes nuts
and battles a bunch
of Evil Inventions
in deadly
hand-to- hand combat.
Wow. How avant- garde.
Yeah. Trust me
You were born to be
in this production.
(SINGING) The sun'll
come out tomorrow
Bet your...
No, you missed it,
again.
Excuse me, Igor,
but I think you re
supposed to say "cut"
That's for film
Film?
Can you imagine
a face like that
on a 40- foot screen?
All right, all right.
Now, listen, Eva...
Excuse me, Igor,
I'm a little
distracted.
What?
I think the
makeup glrl
is out to get me.
No, that's Brain. And
he's not the makeup
girl, he's the idiot.
Now try to remember
on the word "tomorrow,"
you re supposed
to crush the Evil
Invent on to your left!
You mean "stage left."
Yeah, whatever. You're
supposed to smash it
to smithereens
I know, it's just...
It looks kind of real, and
It's hard because I would
never hurt anything rea!
The props at
the audition
are gonna look
even more real,
Eva.
Some may even scream
when you smash them
Oh, really?
Yes. And they're also
going to fight back.
But it's all for
reallty's sake.
But ifyou don't
want to be a real
actress...
Oh, no, no.
I do, I do
This is a block
for me but I will
get through it.
Once more,
from the top,
with feeling.
I just have a teeny,
teeny, tiny suggestion.
Now, I know I m not
the director but at
the end of the number,
I would love to try
something like this...
(SINGING)
You're only a day
Away
(VOCALIZING)
(PANTING)
Works for me.
IGOR: Dr. Igor.
Dr. Igor von Igorstein.
No, no, no. The Evil Revered
Igor von Igorstein III.
I can't believe it.
I mlght actually be
able to pull thls off.
(DOOR OPENS)
Good work today, Eva.
You took some really
(CLEARS THROAT)
Big steps.
(WHISPERS)
Thank you, Igor.
I'm whlspering to
protect my voice.
I really couldn't
have done it
without you.
Isn't it beautiful?
King Malbert has
turned this country
into a paradise
His tower shines out
for all the world to
see as a beacon of evil.
And that's a
good thing?
We were a nothing
country until King
Malbert taught us
that the way
to succeed is
by doing evil.
Phew!
This is a tough town.
Well, in this word,
nice guys finish last.
So, I have to step on
people to get ahead?
Uh...
Yeah.
Well, I'd rather be
a good nobody than
an evil somebody
And so would you
Because you're
good, Igor.
Eva, don't say that.
It's true.
You are good.
Seriously, stop
saying that!
But you are!
You've helped me
with my audittion.
You've made me
this delicious tea
You're a very
good friend.
Evil Scientists
don't have friends
Well, what are
Brain and Scamper?
Headaches.
Oh!
Is that al I am?
No.
Okay. Then you can be
my number two friend.
Number two friend.
Well, who's your
number one friend?
See? You're jealous.
You do wanna
be my friend.
I guess I'm
just a pushover.
Hi, welcome to
Cristall Clear.
I'm Carl Cristall.
Tonight, we have a very
special guest, someone
we all love and respect.
It's Honkers the
Gassy Monkey. But
first, King Malbert.
You're not wearing
any, you know pants.
Hmm?
Oh, no, I'm not.
I figure, why does
an invisible man
need to wear pants?
It's very liberating,
Your Highness.
Sire, the clouds,
were they
a blessing
or a curse?
Well, of course, I
wou d never wish the
clouds on my people
But we rallied together
for the common good
by embracing evil,
and look at us now!
Respected, successful
What are you doing?
Scratching
my invisible...
But getting
back to my next
question, sire.
The Evil Science Fair
is two days away.
Any predictions?
Can anyone beat
Dr. Schadenfreude?
Well, I hate
to predict.
(CHUCKLES)
I mean, al the Evil
Scientists are twisted
fiends in their own right.
That said there
may be a genius
this year
with an Evil Invention
so revolutionary
that Schadenfreude
might finally get
knocked off his perch!
The only one getting
knocked off his
perch is you!
Damn it, I need
that monster!
I wi I not be beaten
by a hunchbacked
pot- bellied,
bulgy-eyed runt.
I think he's
kind of cute
Talent is attractive.
I can just picture Igor
and his monster now,
plotting their deadly
combat maneuvers.
(THE BIGGER THE FIGURE
PLAYING)
I got a woman as big
as a house, yes, sir
She's as big as
a two-famlly house
with a porch and a fence
You won't believe what you see
when you look at her
(CHOKING)
She's enormous, colossal,
tremendous, glgentic,
immense
Why try to deny it?
She's just what I like
If she goes on a diet
I'll go on strike
The bigger the flgure
The better I like her
The better I like her
The better I feed her
The better I feed her
The bigger the flgure
The bigger the flgure
The more I can love
She's exactly
like a watermelon
Big end round and sweet
And in a party dress
She may be quite a mess
But I love her a lot
So what if she's not
so neat?
The bigger the figure
The better I like her
The better I like her
The better I feed her
The better I feed her
The bigger the figure
The bigger the figure
The more I can love
If she ever
Eets me out of money
And we needed the rent
Oh, that'll be a cinch
'Cause when we're in a plnch
I can put her to work
under a circus tent
The bigger the figure
The better I like her
The better I like her
The better I feed her
The better I feed her
The bigger the figure
The bigger the figure
The more I can love
Guys, can you
come in here?
I need to
talk to you.
If she's having
a woman problem
it's all yours.
Ta- da!
What are these?
Opening night presents
I know
it's technically just
an audition tomorrow,
but I figured
"What the hey?"
They're not much, since
I had to use stuff I
found around here
but, well...
You first, Brain!
An envelope!
You spoil me
rotten, lady.
I think we
better open it
It's a new label
for your jar.
(EXCLAIMS IN AWE)
And Brain is
spelled right!
It is, right?
You shouldn't
really worry about
labels, though,
because you may
be a brain, but
you have heart
And in some ways,
that's more important.
Heart? I'd kill
for a pair of feet.
Open yours, Scamper.
It's a prehistoric
evergreen.
They live forever.
I just want to
make sure
that if anything
ever happens to
the three of us,
you always have company.
(SOBBING)
Great. I must be
allergic to it.
With any luck,
it'll kill me with
its dinosaur- era toxins.
Can we move on
to Igor now?
No one's ever given
me a glft before.
It's something
no director can
be without.
A beret!
Voil!
That's French for,
"Please stop pelting
me and my ridiculous
hat with rocks."
Hey, Igor where s
our gift for Eva?
Our gift?
Oh! You guys didn't.
We did.
Where'd you
put it, Igor?
It s in the
other room.
Gift, gift,
gift, gift.
Eva. Well, we
got you this.
It's a necklace.
It's the most
beautlful thlng
I've ever seen!
Igor, can you...
I would do it myself,
but I am all thumbs.
Yeah, I'm sorry
about that. I got
the thumbs on sale.
I'm never gonna
take this off.
That way all of you
will be close to
my heart forever.
(SIGHS)
I need to go
write this down in my
sense-memory journal!
Oh where
did I put my
glitter pen?
See, this is the
kind of moment
that'd be tough
for someone who
wasn't meant to be
an Evil Scientist.
Somebody who'd go
all soft and want
to tell her the truth.
But lucky for us,
I'm evil, right?
Yeah. Lucky us.
I don't feel lucky.
So we stay on track,
'cause we're almost
there,
and I just don't let
her get into my head.
(HUMMING)
(GRUNTS)
It's so hard being
a little hunchback.
Heidi!
Dr. Glickenstein
is under the rug.
I mean, under the weather.
I didn't come
to see him.
I came to see you.
Me?
By the way, an Igor
came by today
and asked me to
hands- deliver
this to you.
And these
are my hands.
What? What is it?
Ja, I haven't
any idea.
"Wish You Weren't There."
(COUGHING)
Oh, excellent,
wonderful.
You got my card.
(HEIDI HUMMING)
Is everything okay?
(SCREAMS)
I heard
a strange noise.
Ooh!
Oh, I wasn't at the
door listening to
you and Igor.
I just...
Hi! We haven't
met. I'm Eva.
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, you're upset,
aren't you?
"Who is this strange
woman living with
Igor," right?
Well, believe
me, Igor and I
are just friends.
As his girlfriend
you have nothing
to worry about.
I'm not his girlfriend.
You're not?
But the way he
looks at you.
He never looks
at me that way
Maybe some men
like girls
who don't look
like they've been put
together at the junkyard.
Right.
You have a
very ugly face.
(CHUCKLES) Well, I have
to go get some rest for
my audition tomorrow.
(CRACKING)
It was nice
meeting you.
Oh.
(CHUCKLES)
Whoops!
Audition?
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
So, how's your
cocktail, Igor?
Is it nice?
You like it?
Is it coconut- ty?
Coconut- ty enough?
Wait! You should be
sipping in style!
Igor! Krazy Straw!
Right now
(IMITATES RANRARE)
(FANFARE)
Small trumpet. Isn't
that better? Doesn't
that taste better?
Excuse mee, sir,
butwhy...
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SLURRING)
I mean, why
am I here?
You can drop that
slur around me.
I don't even make
my Igors talk that way.
Isn't that right, Igor?
Oh, that's right,
Master.
How many times do
I have to tell you?
Call me Frederick.
Okay? That's my name.
Okay. Frederick!
I have toget back.
Dr. Glickensteln
will be missing me.
Somehow, I think
he's missing more
than his right-hand man.
(GASPS)
Look, Iggy baby, I know
all about Glickenstein
and his deadness.
I also know about
your monster
I'm gonna guess
your plan.
You win the Evil Science
Fair, and then everyone
looks past the hunch thing,
and they accept you
for the real you.
You grab the girl of
your dreams and you
cha-cha- cha your way
to a happy ending.
Am I close on this?
No, not entirely.
I don't know
how to cha-cha.
We're a lot
alike, Igor
I want to be
more as well,
but society,
it won't let
me. It stops me.
So, this s my plan
I enter Evil Science Fair
with your monster
and then I win.
I turn the monster
on the King.
Ding dong, the King
is dead long live
the new king, me!
And then you come in
as Malaria's new Evil
Scientist Dr. Igor.
So what do you say to
that? Is that nice?
Is that really nice?
You want to
overthrow
the King?
I thought you wanted
to be an Evil Scientist.
I do. But...
Stop thinking
like an Igor!
Evil Scientists
do not let anyone
stand in their way.
Yes. I know. They step
on people to get ahead.
Exactly!
She'll never do it.
She?
The monster.
She isn't evil.
Something went wrong
and her Evil Bone was
never activated.
So how do we get
this Evil Bone up
and running, huh
We kick it, we slap it,
we take it to the movies,
call it Irene?
She needs to
commit an evil act,
but since she's not
evil, she won't.
(CHUCKLING)
Well, your troubles
are over then,
because I can
get a woman to do
absolutely anything.
I don't know.
Don't tell me that
you have feelings
for this thing?
No.
Good,
because that
would be pathetic.
I can give you
everything you
have ever wanted.
I think I need to go.
Look, the Evil
Science Fair is
in a few hours
You're either with
me or against me
Yes or no?
(GRUNTING)
I take that as a no.
(POWERING UP)
What are you going
to do now, smart guy?
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh!
(EXCLAIMS)
DR. SCHADENRREUDE: No!
(COUGHING)
Frederick!
DR. SCHADENRREUDE'S IGOR:
Frederick! Why are
you swimming?
You just ate
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Get off of me,
you buffoon!
(PANTING)
(SQUEAKING)
SCAMPER: Okay,
we finished
your costume.
I just hope it's
cinched enough
at the waist.
Obviously, if I
had more time, I would
have made it flare out
a little bit more
over the knees.
Stop touching it, Brain,
I'm creating a look here.
You guys are my friends.
So, you'll tell me
the truth, right?
SCAMPER: Yeah, sure.
Do you think
I'm pretty?
Brain get me
a tub of eye-liner,
a pound of lipstick,
and if all else fails,
the severed head
of a supermodel.
DR. SCHADENFREUDE'S IGOR:
Okay, the Jacuzzi is not a
bathroom. I know that now.
(COUGHING)
Please, please take
your own sweet time!
I'm loving it here!
Oh, really?
Well, then maybe you
should stay down there
with your Igor,
poopshkin!
You know something?
He's a good listener,
he's got soft hands, and
unlike you, he sometimes
shaves his legs!
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTS)
Wait.
No kissing Heidi
Or do you like me
better as Heidi?
Hmm. Jaclyn, Heidi,
Jaclyn, Heidi.
(SCREAMS)
It would be
really swell
if you didn t go
psycho- girlfriend
on me right now.
I'm not psycho!
Obviously not.
How would you feel
lf every day you had to
be 13 differentt people?
I'm Jaclyn,
your girlfriend.
Then I'm
Dr. Nachtmahr's
girlfriend.
Then I'm
Dr. Groaner's
girlfriend.
All for you!
To help you
steal inventions
year after year!
And I still say those
stolen pills were the
best invention yet.
Well, this time they
really paid off.
Guess what Mommy
found out about our
favorite little monster?
Or should I say
actress?
Oh.
Eva!
Eva! Eva!
Just breathe. Okay.
Center yourself
on the body
(SIGHS)
I'm ready for
my close- up,
Mr. Director.
Oh, no, this isn't happen ng.
Act graceful. Act graceful.
Keep smiling
(SCREAMING)
(THUDDING)
Too close?
No. Eva, you look...
You look beautiful
Oh this is
such a clich,
the leading lady
falling for her
director
Well, you're not
used to high heels
Oh, you mean...
Our work here
is done.
Our work?
You spent the entire
time playing with
a piece of ribbon.
(LAUGHING)
(GROANS)
Eva, about the audition,
I think I've given you
the wrong direction.
But I feel
so prepared
No, I've been trying
to make you play a role
that you're not right for.
What?
I have to tell
you the truth.
(HEIDI YODELING)
(HEIDI YELLS)
(GROANS) Heidi.
I'll just be
a minute.
Oh, Igor. Ow!
My ankle.
It twisted like
the pretzel, Igor!
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Enchanting.
Thank you. And
who are you?
Someone who does
not want your unique
gifts to go to waste.
(GASPS)
Are you a talent agent?
I was so deep
down worried
that when you opened
the card I thought
I lost you forever.
Heidi, I need to
tell you something.
I don't know
what it is,
but I feel like for
the first time
in my life,
I'm seeing a real Igor.
And I think I'm
in love with him.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Wow, when it
rains, it pours
No, no.
Igor is a liar.
He does this...
Igor would never
lie to me. Igor
cares about me.
Cares?
He doesn't care.
Because he built
you to be a weapon.
No, no, no,
you re wrong.
He'I never look
at you and see
a woman.
All he will ever
see is a monster.
I don't believe you.
Open your eyes.
Igor has someone
else in mind for
your role.
(MUFFLED) Heidi, no!
(IGOR GRUNTING)
There's nothing
more for you here.
Come with me.
I will make
you a star
No.
Oh!
What s wrong?
I can t believe
I'm saying this, but
I've made someone else
Huh?
I mean, I've met someone
else, who I made.
It's complicated.
Wait a minute.
You're rejecting me?
I'm sorry.
Forthat big
bumpy thing?
How do you
know about...
I mean, this isn't
even the sexiest me,
but come on! Look at you.
You're hideous.
You really are.
And I kissed you!
Ugh! Yuck!
Um...
(GASPS)
You're a monster.
And as we know,
monsters only
exist to be used.
(SIGHS)
(GASPS)
Schadenfreude!
Eva
KING MALBERT:
Seize him
Where's Glickenstein?
And before
you answer,
you should know
that someone
sent me this!
(SLURRING)
Your Highness,
he's dead.
And he didn't
invent life,
did he?
No.
(GRUNTING)
I did.
(SNICKERING)
An Igor inventing...
Silence!
Hunchy invented
life, eh?
Well, where is it?
It's a she,
and I think
someone's taken her.
Well, if she comes back,
we'll just tell her
where to find you
In the Igor
recycllng plant!
No! Please
No! No!
Eva, where are you?
Eva
Eva
(IGOR YELLING)
CARL CRISTALL: Lock your doors
end hide your loved ones.
It's the ennual
Evil Science Fair!
I'm Carl Cristall
and I m coming to
you live, invisible
and totally au naturel!
Fans are taking
their seats, includlng
King Malbert himself!
Don't touch me!
CARL CRISTALL: Meanwhile,
the scientists are in
their locker rooms,
prepping their
Evil Inventions!
(RUMBLING)
Here we are.
A dressing room fit
for a leading lady.
(CROWD CHEERING)
EVA: Wow,
listen to that.
How many girls
are audtioning
for this project?
(BAND PLAYING)
I'm gonna go
save him.
Wait.
Look, maybe I 'm
not a genius, okay.
But I know one thing,
I have to try
No, I was gonna say,
"Wait, I'm comlng
with you."
On three.
One.
Hey! No fair
(BRAIN WHOOPING)
(SCAMPER SCREAMING)
(CLANKS)
What are you
doing here?
We're here to
rescue you!
I don't want
to be rescued.
I'm an Igor.
And this is what
happens to us.
Figures, just when
I decided I want
to live...
Don't peek.
Don't worry.
I hope I can still
do a decent audltion
without Igor's help.
Trust me, I'm the one
who's gonna bring
out the real you.
SCAMPER: This
isn't you Igor.
Where is all that stupid
optimism and annoying
can-do attitude?
I tried to be someone
different, but the
world wouldn't let me.
Don't you want to go
after Eva and save her
from Schadenfreude?
Are you actually
trying to hypnotize
me Brain?
Yes!
But if that's not
working, then how
about this?
Ow!
Eva needs you
and you're the
only hunchback
that can stand tall
and fight for her.
Brain, that may be
the smartest thing
you've ever said.
Reach, Brain!
Reach!
(STRAINING)
You should have
built me with
a longer arm.
Huh?
Huh?
What? Like this is the
first time I've gnawed
my own feet off.
(ALARM BLARING)
Who says rabbits'
feet are lucky?
(PANTING)
BRAIN: Wheels,
don't fail me now!
(EXCLAIMS)
Wheels failed me!
Wheels failed me!
BRAIN: We went that way!
What are you doing?
Looking for the
secret passage!
There's a ways
a secret passage!
Darn it Brain,
there's no
secret passage!
It's over.
(GRATING)
I'm sorry,
you were saying?
Technically,
it's a secret
staircase.
Welcome! To you end the
milllons of viewers
around the globe!
They come from
all corners.
And just look at them.
They're all worried
sick about one thing,
world peace.
Well, tonight, it's
within their grasp.
And it has but a small
price, and that prlce
is $100 billlon.
(CROWD CHEERING)
And I, for one
I think they
can do it.
And if they
don't well,
the Evil Invention
last standing will be
unleashed on the world.
Ah! It'd just be too
horrible to imagine.
(GRUNTING)
Where are we?
BRAIN: And why
am I panting?
I don't have lungs.
The tower of the
King's castle. Look,
there's the Killiseum.
BRAIN: Wow, I don't
know what it is,
but I want one!
It's the beacon
of evil on top of
the royal castle.
Wait. Is it a beacon?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?
And bring me
back a toy!
(IGOR PANTING)
(INHALES)
Ah!
(RUMBLING)
The King's beacon s
really a weather ray.
King Malbert is making
the storm clouds
KING MALBERT: So, cltizens
of the world, I beseech you...
He lied to us.
... call the number
on the bottom
of your screens.
Yes, right there.
You need to give, just
like we need to be evil.
You need to be evil.
I know my choreography,
lfthat's what you mean.
I think you need to go
deeper. Have you ever
done anything evil?
No.
Well, then how
can you play
it truthfully?
You know you can't
get this part if
you fake it.
Hit me
What?
Hit me.
I could never
hit anyone.
Oh, my God
Oh, my God
Oh, my God!
Igor was right.
You are not
an actress.
Yes, I am.
Oh, no, you're not
No wonder he chose
Heidi.
I mean, you know,
she s beautiful
and you are not.
She has got talent
and you do not.
Don't you say that
Look at you
You are pathetic!
No, I'm not!
Yes, you are!
You're just a
big, freaky...
And here it is
baby. Buckle up,
here it comes
You are an ugly monster!
You couldn't act your
way out of a...
Ah
(SCREAMING)
(SNARLS)
We've got Annie!
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
Malarians,
let's get evil
(LAUGHING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
What? You're gonna
lower yourself down?
You've got your job
I've got mine
I'm coming, Eva!
And bring me
back a toy!
(SIGHS)
(EXCLAIMS)
(SCREAMING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Phew!
That was close.
(LAUGHING)
(CREAKING)
He s okay! He's...
Oh!
(SCREAMING)
I'm coming, Eva.
CROWD: Pull the switch!
(CHEERING)
CARL CRISTALL:
And here comes this
year's Evil Inventions!
(ALL GASPING)
(ROARING)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
(ROARS)
CARL CRISTALL:
Whet a menagerie of
mayhem-lovlng monstrosities.
(GASPING)
Take a good look, world,
any of these could
be coming for you!
Only one Evll Inventlon left.
Time for
my crowning
achievement.
Pull the switch!
That's Dr. Schadenfreude's
invention?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Eva?
Let the battle begin
No.
(SINGING) The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
CARL CRISTALL: Hold on!
What's this? It's fighting.
Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow
CARL CRISTALL: And winning!
There'll be sun!
Let me through!
Let me through!
I made her!
You made her?
Hey, here is
the genius Igor that
made her
Just thinking about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs
And the sorrow
Till there's none
Eva! Eva!
(GROANING)
CARL CRISTALL:
And wait! An Igor
has entered the arena.
I just stick out
my chin and grin
CARL CRISTALL: Don't worry,
folks, he'll be dead soon.
Oh!
She's almost at
her big finish!
And if we donit
destroy this weather
ray, it's really over
(GRUNTING)
(SINGING) The sun'll
come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on
CARL CRISTALL: Leave
it to Schadenfreude,
destroying his enemies
with a giant glrl
in a red dress.
(GIGGLES)
I can't believe
Schadenfreude
did it again
What are you doing
in the King's box,
Schoddy?
I was about to
ask you the same
question, Malby.
Malby? What's the
meaning of this?
This means you're
through. Or should
I say "overthrown"?
(SCREAMING)
Hey, you
unhand him.
He's your new king.
(CHUCKLES)
And if you have
a problem with that
please take it up
with the head of my
complaint department,
who's the big
monster over there.
(ROARING)
BOTH: Majesty.
There's gotta
be a faster way to
demolish this thing!
We're all going to
die! Except you!
Oh, yeah
(SCREAMING)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
(SINGING) Tomorrow
Tomorrow
I love ya
(RUMBLING)
Tomorrow
She's going to take
this whole place apart.
You're always a day...
Wait! This isn't you
I did create
you to be evil.
I'm sorry I lied
to you I lied to
you about everything.
(ROARS)
It's just a role.
You don't have
to play it.
(CACKLING)
Yes, she does!
You're an Igor.
She's an Evil Invention!
No. Everyone has
an Evil Bone in
their body,
but we choose whether
or not to use it.
(ROARING)
And as someone
I love once said,
"It's better to be
a good nobody than
an evil somebody."
(ALL GASPING)
(SPITS)
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
(SIGHS)
I'm not evil.
I'm Eva.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
That is the
correct answer.
Igor, I felt like
I was in a dark,
horrible place.
We all were.
Wait! What's happening?
The end of Malaria's
evil role in the world.
Camera 2!
Oh! Excellent.
Thank you!
For generations,
Klng Malbert has
kept us in the dark
by creeting the clouds
with a weather ray!
He lied to usl
(EXCLAIMING)
We trusted him
and he lied to us.
He tricked us into
thinking we needed
to be evll to survive!
But we don't!
None of us do.
(CROWD BOOING)
This is outrageous!
He has no proof!
Where's his proof?
I demand to see proof!
I demand to see...
(EXCLAIMING)
(CRASHING)
Oops!
(EXCLAIMS IN NONCHALANCE)
I'm sure he's fine
Long live King
Schadenfreude!
Everybody!
King Malbert
the liar is dead!
Long live King
Schadenfreude!
Everybody say,
"Long live..."
(SCREAMS)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
Well, that was
a short reign.
Hey, fellas,
I'm single again!
No more pills
They can't see what
I really look like.
(GROANS)
My evil days
are over!
From here on out,
all evil doings
will be handled
by my manager/boyfriend.
(CROWD CHEERING)
CROWD: Eva! Eva! Eva!
Eva Eva! Eva!
President Igor,
now that you're
in charge,
will pants continue
to be as expensive
and uncomfortable
as they were under the
previous administration?
What? What? No.
Everything is
about pants.
Why is everything
about pants with you?
There you have it.
Another politician
afraid to answer
the tough, pants-related
questions of Carl Cristall.
Pickles. Old fam ly
recipe. Pickles.
Cocoas! Strudel!
(YODELING)
Mmm-hmm!
Yuck!
Pick me up at 7:00.
I'm gonna go home
and shave.
Hey, Scamper,
have you seen
Eva?
No. Go away.
Hans, you're wearing
this backwards. What
are you? Blind?
Let's switch
this around.
So, what do you do?
I'm a genius. What
do you do, mister?
I'm sorry I'm late.
I left your opening
night gift back
at the lab
Oh, my necklace!
Look inside.
Oh, my gosh.
You're really
gonna make this?
Yeah. And if it
doesn't work out,
then we'll just adopt.
It s a big step,
getting a pet together.
Come on
after living with
Brain and Scamper
everything will
seem like a breeze
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) I can see clearly
now the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles
in my way
Gone are the dark clouds
that had me blind
It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny day
It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny day
It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny day
(POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE
PLAYING)
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshlne
I got a love and I know
that It's all mine
Oh, oh, oh
Do what you want
But you never gonna break me
Sticks and stones are
never gonna shake me
Oh, oh, oh
Take me away
Take me away
A secret place
A secret place
A sweet escape
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hlding place
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love and I know
that It's all mine
Oh, oh, oh
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshine
Got a love and i know that it's all mine
Do what you want
But you never gonna break me
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me
Oh, oh, oh
Never gonna shake me
Never gonna shake me
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I go a love and I know that it's all mine
Oh, oh, oh
Wish that you could
But you ain't gonna own me
Or do anything you can to control me
Oh,
You can't control me
Oh, oh, oh
You can't control me
You can't control me
Take me away
Take me away
A secret place
A secret place
A sweet escape
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hiding place
There's a place that I go
Where nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And darkness is light
And nobody cries
There's only butterflies
Tale me away
Tale me away
A secret place
A secret place
A sweet escape
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hiding place
Take me away
Take me away
A secret place
A secret place
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hiding place
The sun is on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be all right
And every time it rains
It rains pennies from heaven
(THUNDER CRASHING)
Don't you know
each cloud contains
pennies from heaven?
You'll find your
fortune falling
All over town
Be sure that your umbrella
is up-up-up-up-upslde down
And trade them for a package
of sunshine and ravioli
IGOR: Nice weather
we're having, huh?
Here in the kingdom
of Malaria,
every dey's forecast is rainy
with a 100% chance of horror.
(THUNDER CRACKING)
It wasn't elweys
Ilke this, though.
Years ago, Maleria was
a sunny land of farmers.
Until the mysterious
storm clouds rolled
in and never left.
They killed our crops,
and our people became poor.
And that's when Klng Malbert
thought up a new way
for us to make money,
Evil Inventions.
The kind that
crush you, klll you,
bring you back to life,
then kill you again,
way worse.
We invent them, and the world
pays us not to unleash them.
Oh, It's a great gig,
especially if you're
an Evil Scientist.
Fame, fortune,
a rent-free castle
in the hills.
They get it all.
They're the top
of the heap.
Igor! Pull the switch!
Yes, Master!
IGOR: And the bottom
of the heap? Those are
the poor slobs like me,
born with a hunch
on our back, Igors.
Actually, that
Igor's not me.
Igor! Pull the switch!
Yes, Master!
IGOR: No, no, no,
that's not me, either.
(CAWING)
That's me.
See? I look nothing
like those other guys,
much better-looking.
Anyway, all Igors are forced
to serve Evil Scientists.
Our life is a permanent
graveyard shift.
But I never wanted
to be an Igor.
I always wanted to be
an Evil Scientist.
Unfortunetely,
the hunch on my back
was a one-way ticket
to Igor School.
I majored in Talking
With a Slur and graduated
with a Yes Masters Degree.
Then, it was off
to find a job.
Hi, I'm here about
the "Igor Wanted"
and. My name's Igor.
Well, of course it is.
I've got a hunch
on my back.
What's my name
gonna be? Kevin?
(LAUGHING)
IGOR: They didn't
appreciate my
creatlve style.
But eventually,
I landed a job for
Dr. Glickenstein.
Pull the switch!
IGOR: Not the
smartest scientist.
His last invention
was an Evil Lasagna.
It didn't klll anyone.
And it actually tasted
pretty good.
DR. GLICKENSTEIN: Igor!
IGOR: Igors aren't
allowed to invent,
but I still manage
to work on my own
inventions in secret.
And this new one
is gonna be the
one that proves
that I'm the biggest
Evil Genius of them all,
and not just another...
DR. GLICKENSTEIN:
(SHOUTING) Igor!
IGOR: Once they see
what I can do, I'll
have a whole new life,
and I'll never have to answer
to another master again.
Sorry Master.
What did you say?
Oh! I mean...
(GULPS)
(SLURRING) Sorry,
Master. I was in
the bathroom.
Had a bat stuck in the belfry, if you know what I mean. Master
I don t want to hear
your toilet memoirs,
you cretin!
I give you five
minutes a week to take
care of your business.
I'm not running
a resort here!
Now get over
there and...
Pull the switch!
Yes, Master!
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Who's the failure
now, Mother?
(ALARM BLARING)
(POWERING DOWN)
(GROANING)
(SOBBING)
Mummy, Mummy,
you were right!
I was never meant
to be a scientist.
I should have been
a plumber like you!
That was the first time
he was right all day.
You! Go find
me a 16- gigawatt
temporal transducer
Excuse me, Master, are
you sure you don't
mean 21- gigawatt?
You're correcting me?
Strike!
(CACKLING)
I should do more improve.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(GROANS)
My hunch.
(BONES SNAPPING)
Oh, there she goes.
Much better.
(SINGING) Good evening,
friendsl
IGOR: That's Scamper,
one of my most
successful inventions.
I made him immortal.
Which is kind of a hassle
for him, since he doesn't
want to live.
Will nothing end
this vicious cycle?
IGOR: I also made him talk.
Which is a hassle for me,
since he never shuts up.
No fair!
You wasted your
immortality formula
on the wrong guy, Igor.
IGOR: That's Brain, one
of my other inventions.
Legend has it when
the smartest man
in the world died,
they put his
brain in a jar.
This is not that brain.
(SQUEAKING)
I wanna live forever!
I got plans! And dreams!
I got a squeaky wheel!
Was that me?
Really, Brain?
You want to be trapped
in an endless existential
nightmare,
forced to keep living,
even though
life is meaningless
and nothing matters?
Possibly.
What exactly
did you say?
Too bad he wasted his
intelligence formula
on me, too, Brain.
Or should I
say "Brian"?
Hey! I was
in a hurryl
Stupid permanent marker.
IGOR: Enough
The Evil Science Fair
is in a week,
and Glickenstein
is gonna lose again.
Okay, I get it.
You want me to
fix his invention.
Now I'll just need a
screwdriver, some nails
and my bag of marbles.
Don't touch his
invention, Brain.
Final You don't
want the benefit
of my brain power?
Then, farewell,
Igor.
Like a gentle fawn,
I shall leave this
meadow.
(GRUNTING)
On second thought
maybe I'll stick
around,
(EXPLOSION)
So I can watch
Mr. Smarty- hunch
fix Glickenstein's
invention.
I couldl But you
know what would
happen if I did!
The same thing he'd
do if he found out
I invented you two.
He'd recycle me.
Can you imagine being
chopped up and used
for body parts
and God knows
what else?
Horrible.
(GROANING)
SCAMPER: Dang it!
Still here.
If I had my shot,
I could be one of the
greatest Evil Scientists
Malaria has ever seen.
They'd all cheer
my name
just like they
do for the great
Dr. Schadenfreude!
(ORGAN PLAYING OMINOUS TUNE)
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER: And now your
master of disaster,
the chief of grief,
a man who needs
no introduction,
but who will brutally
torture me if he
doesn't get one,
Dr. Schadenfreude!
Thank you, thank you.
You're too klnd!
And I'm not.
But I want to welcome you
all to my annual pre- Evil
Science Fair party.
My girlfriend Jaclyn.
(CHUCKLING)
You know, she
may seem like
a shallow,
conniving wretch...
That's all I got.
That pretty much
sums her up.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
A toast to the
undefeated winner of
and the greatest Evil
Genius in the world.
(FANFARE)
(SPITS)
Bow for the King!
(BAND PLAYING LIVELY MARCH)
"The greatest Evil
Genius in the world."
I rememberwhen people
used to call me that.
Back when the clouds
destroyed our peaceful
land of farmers,
and my plan to blackmail
the world saved us all
Yes, as you ve
told us all over
and over and over.
Yeah, well,
here's more.
Did you know that years
ago, Schoddy's family
name was Poekelmacher?
His family were
pickle-makers!
(ALL LAUGHING)
So, what's your Evil
Invention this year,
Doctor, kosher or dill?
(CROWD LAUGHING)
I want to shove
a pickle right where
the sun don't shine
You mean
Malaria,
Master?
(EXCLAIMS)
No matter how many
Evil Science Fairs
I win,
I always have to bow
down to that idiot
I will never get
the respect he gets!
Respect? Respect
isn't gonna keep me
in baby-seal boots.
(SEAL WHIMPERING)
You just need to
keep on winning
Well, that is spoken
like a true worthless
leech,
who, by the way still has
not helped me steal this
year's winning invention.
You know,
maybe if you were
a real scientist,
you wouldn't need
me to help you
cheat every year.
(MACHINERY WHINING)
(SNICKERS)
Your whole
lab is fake,
just like you.
And maybe I should
throw you back in the
gutter where I found you!
You're one to talk,
Dr. Schadenfraude!
You don't have
the guts.
(GASPS)
(GROANING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(GASPS)
(LAUGHING)
Is Daddy still
mad at me?
No.
But you and
your friend
Heidi
still have a litt e
job to do.
Oh, we're trying.
Well, try a little
bit harder!
Because this year,
I won't stop at
just winning the
Evil Science Fair.
(JACLYN LAUGHING)
I'm gonna unleash
my winnlng invention
on the King's
smug little face,
and then he'll be
the one groveling
at my feet!
(YODELING)
Hi there!
Look, it's your
little girlfriend,
Heidi.
You take a cocoa break,
and I'll guard
your plans for
your new invention.
No, wait! You'll
spill on my plans.
Heidi, you re not
careful enough!
You're so sloppy
sometimes.
Oh, poopshkin.
I went to the evil
bookstore and got you
an inspirational poster.
It's a little kitten!
To remind you to always
take time in your day
for a little torture
My transducer!
Time to go
I have no time for
cocoa or kittens!
I have to work on
my plans alone
and in secret.
(EXCLAIMING)
In otherwords,
bon voyage.
Who doesn't like
tortured kittens?
I...
I like kittens.
I don't like dirty
little hunchpeople.
Great, Schadenfreude's
gonna kill me.
(SIGHS)
And why are there
two transducers?
Master, the 21- gigawatt
might be somewhat safer,
I think.
Think? Igors
don't think.
I m using the
you fool!
Now get over there
and pull the switch!
What are you
waiting for?
Yes, Master!
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
I told you the
you Igor
Behold my rocket ship
(CACKLES)
Born to stream
through the world,
un eashing pain and
misery on everyone.
I named her after
you, Mother.
(CACKLING)
(ALARM BLARING)
Now to take the old
cow for a test drive.
No, Master!
The rocket
is going to...
(GLASS SHATTERING)
Uh... Yeah that.
SCAMPER: Finally.
Now I can throw out
that rug in the foyer
That thing is hideous.
We were all thinking
it. I just said it.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Oh, no, who's that?
What am I gonna do?
Relax, this is
Glickenstein's
castle.
And he doesn't have
to open that door
for anyone.
ROYAL GUARD:
Open for the King!
Except for the King.
Oh, my God
Oh, my God
He's here to
see Glickenstein!
What do I tell him?
Tell him the truth.
And if he kills us,
I'll come back
and give you a
beautiful funeral.
Right, right. The truth,
that's a good option.
Right, right.
Glicky!
Glicky, my boy
Where's Glicky?
Your Highness,
he's gone.
Curse it I need to
see his invention.
Schadenfreude is
getting too popular.
The people might
make him king.
Someone has
to beat him
this year,
with an invention
more evil than his.
Someone who can snatch
Schadenfreude's number
one position
and rub his face
In number two!
BOTH: Ew!
Your Highness,
Dr. Glickenstein is
creating life!
Did you say "life"?
Yes.
Think ng, breathing
life that can destroy
freely all on its own.
No Evil Scientist
has ever been able
to create life!
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, sure they've
mutated life.
They've ended life.
They've blasted ife
into a million gooey
pieces.
But created life?
A weapon like that would
be the greatest Evil
Invention of all time.
And its inventor
the greatest Evil
Scientist of all time?
Of course!
This is what I've
been waiting for.
And it's your job
to make sure nothing
happens to Glickenstein,
or I'll throw
you down the
recycling chute
and use your hunch
as a speed bump!
(GULPS)
Oh, this is big.
Schadenfreude'is
winning streak is over.
Come on boys!
Let's go kick
some old people.
(LAUGHS)
Ow! What is wrong
with you?
That's for having
a death wish.
That's my thing.
I am not gonna
die, Scamper.
For the first time ever,
I'm gonna live!
(SCREAMS)
I sometimes come
down here to think.
Wow, how interesting.
What' s next?
You're gonna
pull out a guitar
and play us a song you
wrote in college about
being misunderstood?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
I know, right?
And she's not
even done yet.
(SCREAMING)
(JUMP, JIVE 'N' WAIL PLAYING)
Baby, baby, It looks
like it's gonna hail
Baby, baby, It looks
like it's gonna hail
You better come inside
Let me teech you
how to jive and wail
(BRAIN SCREAMING)
Come on, bigger.
Do it. Come on,
make it bigger.
Bigger!
(SCREAMS)
Okay to the left.
Very good. Now
back to the right.
No, no, no!
To the left, now back
to the right. To the
right. To the right.
Is that even
herhand?
(GROANS)
(EXCLAIMS)
And now to
make her skin
indestructible.
You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wail
You gotta jump, jive,
and then you wail
(SCREAMS)
(LAUGHING)
Did you see that?
Shoot him again.
And now,
the crucial
last piece,
the source of all
the Monster's power,
the Evil Bone.
I have to hurry.
It loses its power
in the light.
That's it.
Only one thing
left to do.
(CHUCKLES)
He said "do."
Pull the switch!
(ECHOING)
Do not yell at me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just...
Pull the switch.
Please pull the switch.
That's better.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Why does he get to
pull the switch?
(SIGHS)
Because I'm not
an idiot, Brian.
My name is not Brian!
Then you must
have his jar.
Stop! You can both
pull the switch.
On the count
of three. One.
Hey! No fair!
You said we could
both pull the...
(SCREAMS)
(SHUDDERING)
Rise!
Rise!
(ALARM BLARING)
(POWERING DOWN)
I...
I don't believe it.
I'm a failure.
I'm a...
I'm an Igor.
Get rid of
that thing.
I never want to
see it again.
Funny you should
say that.
Uh... Igor? Yeah.
Where did the
monster go?
I don't know, Brain.
May I suggest
looking behind
you?
(SCREAMS)
It was just a suggestion.
(BRAIN SQUEAKING)
Maybe it just
spontaneously
combusted?
Oh, yeah sure.
I've read about
that in...
Who am I kidding?
I can't read!
(CLANGING)
(METALLIC CREAKING)
(ALL GASP)
(SHUDDERS)
(EXCLAIMS IN ALARM)
(ROARING)
And just like that
she was out of
their lives.
I did it. I...
I created life.
Has that
hole alwayss
been there?
Come on!
SCAMPER: Let me
get this straight
We are chasing after
the bloodthirsty
monster?
"Home For
Blind Orphans."
(SCREAMING)
Oh God,
she's killing
blind orphans!
That's so evil!
I mean, which
is great, but...
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
Blind orphans!
(KIDS LAUGHING)
(SQUEALING)
I wanna go next
(WHOOPING)
Me, me, pick me!
I wonder what
diabolical deed
she has planned next.
Piggyback rides?
It's my turn!
I wanna go next!
I wanna go next!
Me! Me! Pick me!
Me! Me!
Blind orphans
get everything!
Ah
Your very large friend
is a sweetheart.
No, she's not.
I am your master,
and I command you
to stop this gesture
of goodwill right now
and put them down.
Down!
Okay, now you're gonna
march right back to
the castle, got it?
Oh, he's dead!
(SNIRFS)
Those are
paper flowers
the orphans sell.
Sounds like someone
likes them
You touch it,
you buy it!
(CREATURE HOWLING)
(PANTING)
Master!
I looked inside
Dr Glickenstein's
castle
and didn't see anyone.
But that's not all...
Yes, it s,
because your
voice is annoying.
Now to break into
Glickenstein's
castle
and steal the plans
like Heid failed
to do.
What did this?
I'm guessing
something big.
Something like this.
Life? Glickenstein
invented life?
I don't think he
had a hand in it.
Well, if he's toast,
who invented that?
I don't believe it.
Wow,
so not only is every
other Evil Scientist
smarter than you,
an Igor is, too?
(CHUCKLES) Ouch!
Smart is not
mouthing off
to the man who has
just found his way
to take the throne.
(VOCALIZING)
(BABY, WON'T YOU PLEASE
COME HOME PLAYING)
Oh, baby, won't you
please come home?
'Cause your little daddy's
gonna be all elone
She must be making
a club of flowers
to smash us with.
(WHISPERING)
This must be very
embarrassing for you.
I never thought that
we could part
For every hour in the day
you can hear me say
Baby, won't you
please come home?
I need you, I need you
Okay clearly
her Evil Bone
wasn't activated
when she came to
life. That's it.
Ooh! I have an idea!
Is it about
this situation?
No.
Is it even an idea?
Is French fries
an idea?
(BUZZING)
So, how do you
activate it?
We need to
kick-start it
We need to get
her to commit
one act of evil.
(SCORRS)
She wouldn't
hurt a fly.
Okay. Monster,
I command you to
kill that fly.
Kill it! Kill it!
Kill it,
girl! Come on!
You're a killer!
Maim it!
Wound it!
Insult it!
Something!
Kill it! Kill it!
Kill, kill, kill!
You were saying?
(BUZZING)
No, no, no!
You're evil!
Evil!
Evil!
E...
Eva.
What? No,
you're not Eva.
Eva. Eva.
What now,
genius?
Well, thank you
for asking. What
we're going to do...
Go soak your
brain Brian.
That's actually
not a bad idea.
IGOR: Monster want
a brain wash?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(BUZZER RINGS)
Next!
Hi, I'd like to...
Hey, who you talking to?
I'm the head guy here!
Oh, excuse me. Sorry.
What the heck
is that?
It's my Aunt Eva.
She's getting
a little sweet
in her old age
so I'd like
to, I don't know,
evil her up a bit.
"Sunday Night Massacre."
No. "Arsonist. '
Gee, they all
look so good.
How about the
"Axe Murderer"
brain wash?
Oh! She must be
very special to
you.
Hey! Don't touch
that! It s a very
complicated system!
One wrong button
and you'll just be
watching regular cable!
You wanna waste
your nephew's money
ike that? Huh? Huh?
(SCREAMING)
(KNIFE SWIPING)
Gosh I feel like
I'm sending my kid
off to school for
the first time.
You know, to learn
how to murder.
Hi. How are you?
Great wings.
Listen, could you
squeeze me in for
a brain wash, too?
A nice thorough
scrubbing.
What are you?
An imbecile?
Oh, perlez Italian?
Taco grande to meet
you.
Yeah. Take Brian
to Room Number 4.
"Wish you weren't there.
"This card teleports your
enemy to you so you can
destroy him in person."
Call me old- fashioned,
but what happened
to cards that just
blew your head off?
Just think Scamper.
In a few short moments,
I'm gonna have the
most Evil Invention
of all time.
It's my whole life savings,
but I think I'm going
to treat myself.
(CLICKING)
(MACHINERY WHIRRING)
Oh, my hunch.
"Happy Mother's Day.'
See, that's what
I'm talking about.
Simple, elegant, classic.
You've seen a lot
of brains I'm sure.
Mine's biggerthan
average, right? No?
Hello? Can you
even talk?
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
Canadians.
I'll just watch TV.
Whoops!
Butterfingers.
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
Oh. Great. Hold on.
(SHUDDERING) And it's cold,
it's cold, it's cold,
it's cold, it's cold.
(SCREAMING)
Hey, Monster, can I
borrow your remote?
Thank you.
Oh, come on!
(SCREAMING)
(JINGLE PLAYING)
Let's do the twist
Around and around
and around
Stupid remote!
To plumb the depths
of Blanche DuBois
in Streetcar
is the ultimate chellenge
for any modern actress.
Well, our evil bun
should be out of
the oven soon.
Estephan, you're
a magician!
What s that smell?
My new air freshener,
"Dead Dog." Jealous?
I don't hear anything.
(SCREAMING)
I think it worked.
(ROARING)
Maybe they
dld too much?
Oh. Was it?
Was I too much?
I was pushing,
wasn't I?
It was only a vocal
exercise, but that is
a beginner's mistake
I have to own that.
That's just where I am.
If only I knew
whether I had
the "it" factor.
But how can you
know? I mean, you
can t learn that,
you just have to
be born with it.
Oh listen to me
going on and on
about me, me, me.
Let's talk about
you, Igor Do you
think I have "it"?
Let's thank ourguest who
has taught us in one hour,
a lifetime worth of
lessons in acting.
Acting?
(EXCLAIMS)
Who changed
the channel?
Wait, where's
the remote?
Move it!
I need this room.
No, no, no
Wait! We need to
unbrainwash her!
No can do, pal.
Every wash comes with
a sealant guaranteed
to last a lifetime.
In otherwords,
buzz off!
EVA: Okay, things to do,
sign up for yoga classes
get new headshots,
adopt children from
all over the world.
Oh time for my
elocution exercises.
I need a box of biscuits
I need a box of biscuits
It s just failure
after failure.
After failure,
after failure...
Oh, sorry, I thought
we were counting off
all your failures.
EVA: Biscuit mixer
a box of mix...
A box of mixed
biscuits and a
biscuit mixer.
I need a box...
Stop the carriage!
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
Ow!
What? What's
the matter?
I don't mean to be a
prima donna, but I thlnk
I need a bigger trailer.
After failure,
after failure,
after failure...
After failure,
after failure...
That monster is
about to be mine.
Oh, really? How?
Well, with a little
something I just stole
for the occasion, okay?
(CLANKING)
EVA: Practice poses
for the red carpet,
become an environmentalist,
but still fly private
when necessary.
A Shrink Ray? Oh,
that's a genius plan
for stealing a monster.
Hey! I don't come
down to where you
work and...
Oh, that's right,
you don t work! So shut
your cake hole, darling!
Now to shrink Igor
and steal his monster.
(BEEPING)
(GASPS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Oh, God Did I hit it?
Did I hit it? I hope
I didn't hit it!
You, sir, put
the "Evil" in
"Evil Scientist."
Here we go
(SHRINK RAY BUZZING)
What the...
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Hold on! Pull over.
I'm getting jar sick!
Someone's trying
to shoot us!
Paparazzi! Why can't
those vultures leave
me alone?
(BRAIN EXCLAIMING IN DISTRESS)
BRAIN: This has totally
rulned my spa day.
(BUZZING)
SCAMPER:
To the right!
To the right!
EVA: This is the
worst car service
I have ever used!
Now I get to
watch you die.
Hold on!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Brake. Brake!
Uh- oh!
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Put the brake on,
you...
(SCREAMING)
Okay.
Fire the rocket booster!
I can't see
who it isl
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Here I come!
BRAIN: Oh
My beautiful face.
(MACHINERY BEEPING)
No more Doctor
Don't Kill Anybody!
(SHUDDERING)
We're not gonna make t!
We're not gonna make t!
(ALL SCREAMING)
If only you'd
made yourself
indesttructible!
Indestructible.
Indestructible
Who wants to be
a big movie star?
Me! Me! I do.
(SCREAMING)
(METAL CREAKING)
IGOR: This would be the
right time to curb your
suicida tendencies.
BRAIN (ECHOING)
Hey I can see my
room from here.
(EXCLAIMS)
(SNIRFING)
Go away! Look,
I'm very important.
Ew! What's
that smell?
Oh, yes, wait, it's
the big, whopping
stench of failure.
Ironically, at an inch
tall, you still have the
biggest mouth in Malaria.
(GASPS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
IGOR: Thank you.
You're very welcome.
You saved my life.
As an actor, I feel
things very deeply, and
I treasure all of life.
(HUMMING)
FIY,
it's actually me
you should thank.
I was the one who
changed the channel
on her brain wash.
What?
Yep,
and if she had been
evil, she would have
let us all die.
So technically,
I'm the one who
saved us.
But no need
to thank me.
Actually,
a "thank you"
would be nice.
It could be n the
form of a card or
a poem, your choice.
I also like ponies.
An axe?
I don't want an
axe. That's crazy
Why would you
offer me an axe?
You made my
monster an
actress!
This is why people
are afraid of
hunchbacks!
This! Right here!
Oh! What play are
they rehearsing?
Brain-Deed.
Don't et him kill me!
It's gonna be a smash
Don't let him kill me!
(WHIMPERING)
(EXHALES)
The only thing
killed here is
my dream
Bravo! Bravo!
Huh?
Oh, you guys are so
lucky to have work.
If only I had a
role I could really
sink my teeth into.
Eva, you're in luck.
In four days, there's
an audition for the lead
in the biggest
play to hit
Malaria since...
The Desperete Hunchbeck
Who Grasped at Straws?
Seriously, Eva,
this could be
your big break!
Oh, my gosh!
I don't believe
it! What play is it?
Play? What
play is It?
Is it Annie?
Annie?
So many terrific girls
got their start
playing Annie.
Yes, that's it!
It's Annie!
So it's actually
a musical?
(VOCALIZING)
I think I just
wet myself.
Someone can sing!
Gosh! Me trying
out for Annie,
the plucky orphan whose
song of hope lifts the
heart of a weary nation?
Yeah. Except
in this version,
Annie goes nuts
and battles a bunch
of Evil Inventions
in deadly
hand-to- hand combat.
Wow. How avant- garde.
Yeah. Trust me
You were born to be
in this production.
(SINGING) The sun'll
come out tomorrow
Bet your...
No, you missed it,
again.
Excuse me, Igor,
but I think you re
supposed to say "cut"
That's for film
Film?
Can you imagine
a face like that
on a 40- foot screen?
All right, all right.
Now, listen, Eva...
Excuse me, Igor,
I'm a little
distracted.
What?
I think the
makeup glrl
is out to get me.
No, that's Brain. And
he's not the makeup
girl, he's the idiot.
Now try to remember
on the word "tomorrow,"
you re supposed
to crush the Evil
Invent on to your left!
You mean "stage left."
Yeah, whatever. You're
supposed to smash it
to smithereens
I know, it's just...
It looks kind of real, and
It's hard because I would
never hurt anything rea!
The props at
the audition
are gonna look
even more real,
Eva.
Some may even scream
when you smash them
Oh, really?
Yes. And they're also
going to fight back.
But it's all for
reallty's sake.
But ifyou don't
want to be a real
actress...
Oh, no, no.
I do, I do
This is a block
for me but I will
get through it.
Once more,
from the top,
with feeling.
I just have a teeny,
teeny, tiny suggestion.
Now, I know I m not
the director but at
the end of the number,
I would love to try
something like this...
(SINGING)
You're only a day
Away
(VOCALIZING)
(PANTING)
Works for me.
IGOR: Dr. Igor.
Dr. Igor von Igorstein.
No, no, no. The Evil Revered
Igor von Igorstein III.
I can't believe it.
I mlght actually be
able to pull thls off.
(DOOR OPENS)
Good work today, Eva.
You took some really
(CLEARS THROAT)
Big steps.
(WHISPERS)
Thank you, Igor.
I'm whlspering to
protect my voice.
I really couldn't
have done it
without you.
Isn't it beautiful?
King Malbert has
turned this country
into a paradise
His tower shines out
for all the world to
see as a beacon of evil.
And that's a
good thing?
We were a nothing
country until King
Malbert taught us
that the way
to succeed is
by doing evil.
Phew!
This is a tough town.
Well, in this word,
nice guys finish last.
So, I have to step on
people to get ahead?
Uh...
Yeah.
Well, I'd rather be
a good nobody than
an evil somebody
And so would you
Because you're
good, Igor.
Eva, don't say that.
It's true.
You are good.
Seriously, stop
saying that!
But you are!
You've helped me
with my audittion.
You've made me
this delicious tea
You're a very
good friend.
Evil Scientists
don't have friends
Well, what are
Brain and Scamper?
Headaches.
Oh!
Is that al I am?
No.
Okay. Then you can be
my number two friend.
Number two friend.
Well, who's your
number one friend?
See? You're jealous.
You do wanna
be my friend.
I guess I'm
just a pushover.
Hi, welcome to
Cristall Clear.
I'm Carl Cristall.
Tonight, we have a very
special guest, someone
we all love and respect.
It's Honkers the
Gassy Monkey. But
first, King Malbert.
You're not wearing
any, you know pants.
Hmm?
Oh, no, I'm not.
I figure, why does
an invisible man
need to wear pants?
It's very liberating,
Your Highness.
Sire, the clouds,
were they
a blessing
or a curse?
Well, of course, I
wou d never wish the
clouds on my people
But we rallied together
for the common good
by embracing evil,
and look at us now!
Respected, successful
What are you doing?
Scratching
my invisible...
But getting
back to my next
question, sire.
The Evil Science Fair
is two days away.
Any predictions?
Can anyone beat
Dr. Schadenfreude?
Well, I hate
to predict.
(CHUCKLES)
I mean, al the Evil
Scientists are twisted
fiends in their own right.
That said there
may be a genius
this year
with an Evil Invention
so revolutionary
that Schadenfreude
might finally get
knocked off his perch!
The only one getting
knocked off his
perch is you!
Damn it, I need
that monster!
I wi I not be beaten
by a hunchbacked
pot- bellied,
bulgy-eyed runt.
I think he's
kind of cute
Talent is attractive.
I can just picture Igor
and his monster now,
plotting their deadly
combat maneuvers.
(THE BIGGER THE FIGURE
PLAYING)
I got a woman as big
as a house, yes, sir
She's as big as
a two-famlly house
with a porch and a fence
You won't believe what you see
when you look at her
(CHOKING)
She's enormous, colossal,
tremendous, glgentic,
immense
Why try to deny it?
She's just what I like
If she goes on a diet
I'll go on strike
The bigger the flgure
The better I like her
The better I like her
The better I feed her
The better I feed her
The bigger the flgure
The bigger the flgure
The more I can love
She's exactly
like a watermelon
Big end round and sweet
And in a party dress
She may be quite a mess
But I love her a lot
So what if she's not
so neat?
The bigger the figure
The better I like her
The better I like her
The better I feed her
The better I feed her
The bigger the figure
The bigger the figure
The more I can love
If she ever
Eets me out of money
And we needed the rent
Oh, that'll be a cinch
'Cause when we're in a plnch
I can put her to work
under a circus tent
The bigger the figure
The better I like her
The better I like her
The better I feed her
The better I feed her
The bigger the figure
The bigger the figure
The more I can love
Guys, can you
come in here?
I need to
talk to you.
If she's having
a woman problem
it's all yours.
Ta- da!
What are these?
Opening night presents
I know
it's technically just
an audition tomorrow,
but I figured
"What the hey?"
They're not much, since
I had to use stuff I
found around here
but, well...
You first, Brain!
An envelope!
You spoil me
rotten, lady.
I think we
better open it
It's a new label
for your jar.
(EXCLAIMS IN AWE)
And Brain is
spelled right!
It is, right?
You shouldn't
really worry about
labels, though,
because you may
be a brain, but
you have heart
And in some ways,
that's more important.
Heart? I'd kill
for a pair of feet.
Open yours, Scamper.
It's a prehistoric
evergreen.
They live forever.
I just want to
make sure
that if anything
ever happens to
the three of us,
you always have company.
(SOBBING)
Great. I must be
allergic to it.
With any luck,
it'll kill me with
its dinosaur- era toxins.
Can we move on
to Igor now?
No one's ever given
me a glft before.
It's something
no director can
be without.
A beret!
Voil!
That's French for,
"Please stop pelting
me and my ridiculous
hat with rocks."
Hey, Igor where s
our gift for Eva?
Our gift?
Oh! You guys didn't.
We did.
Where'd you
put it, Igor?
It s in the
other room.
Gift, gift,
gift, gift.
Eva. Well, we
got you this.
It's a necklace.
It's the most
beautlful thlng
I've ever seen!
Igor, can you...
I would do it myself,
but I am all thumbs.
Yeah, I'm sorry
about that. I got
the thumbs on sale.
I'm never gonna
take this off.
That way all of you
will be close to
my heart forever.
(SIGHS)
I need to go
write this down in my
sense-memory journal!
Oh where
did I put my
glitter pen?
See, this is the
kind of moment
that'd be tough
for someone who
wasn't meant to be
an Evil Scientist.
Somebody who'd go
all soft and want
to tell her the truth.
But lucky for us,
I'm evil, right?
Yeah. Lucky us.
I don't feel lucky.
So we stay on track,
'cause we're almost
there,
and I just don't let
her get into my head.
(HUMMING)
(GRUNTS)
It's so hard being
a little hunchback.
Heidi!
Dr. Glickenstein
is under the rug.
I mean, under the weather.
I didn't come
to see him.
I came to see you.
Me?
By the way, an Igor
came by today
and asked me to
hands- deliver
this to you.
And these
are my hands.
What? What is it?
Ja, I haven't
any idea.
"Wish You Weren't There."
(COUGHING)
Oh, excellent,
wonderful.
You got my card.
(HEIDI HUMMING)
Is everything okay?
(SCREAMS)
I heard
a strange noise.
Ooh!
Oh, I wasn't at the
door listening to
you and Igor.
I just...
Hi! We haven't
met. I'm Eva.
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, you're upset,
aren't you?
"Who is this strange
woman living with
Igor," right?
Well, believe
me, Igor and I
are just friends.
As his girlfriend
you have nothing
to worry about.
I'm not his girlfriend.
You're not?
But the way he
looks at you.
He never looks
at me that way
Maybe some men
like girls
who don't look
like they've been put
together at the junkyard.
Right.
You have a
very ugly face.
(CHUCKLES) Well, I have
to go get some rest for
my audition tomorrow.
(CRACKING)
It was nice
meeting you.
Oh.
(CHUCKLES)
Whoops!
Audition?
(HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING)
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
So, how's your
cocktail, Igor?
Is it nice?
You like it?
Is it coconut- ty?
Coconut- ty enough?
Wait! You should be
sipping in style!
Igor! Krazy Straw!
Right now
(IMITATES RANRARE)
(FANFARE)
Small trumpet. Isn't
that better? Doesn't
that taste better?
Excuse mee, sir,
butwhy...
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SLURRING)
I mean, why
am I here?
You can drop that
slur around me.
I don't even make
my Igors talk that way.
Isn't that right, Igor?
Oh, that's right,
Master.
How many times do
I have to tell you?
Call me Frederick.
Okay? That's my name.
Okay. Frederick!
I have toget back.
Dr. Glickensteln
will be missing me.
Somehow, I think
he's missing more
than his right-hand man.
(GASPS)
Look, Iggy baby, I know
all about Glickenstein
and his deadness.
I also know about
your monster
I'm gonna guess
your plan.
You win the Evil Science
Fair, and then everyone
looks past the hunch thing,
and they accept you
for the real you.
You grab the girl of
your dreams and you
cha-cha- cha your way
to a happy ending.
Am I close on this?
No, not entirely.
I don't know
how to cha-cha.
We're a lot
alike, Igor
I want to be
more as well,
but society,
it won't let
me. It stops me.
So, this s my plan
I enter Evil Science Fair
with your monster
and then I win.
I turn the monster
on the King.
Ding dong, the King
is dead long live
the new king, me!
And then you come in
as Malaria's new Evil
Scientist Dr. Igor.
So what do you say to
that? Is that nice?
Is that really nice?
You want to
overthrow
the King?
I thought you wanted
to be an Evil Scientist.
I do. But...
Stop thinking
like an Igor!
Evil Scientists
do not let anyone
stand in their way.
Yes. I know. They step
on people to get ahead.
Exactly!
She'll never do it.
She?
The monster.
She isn't evil.
Something went wrong
and her Evil Bone was
never activated.
So how do we get
this Evil Bone up
and running, huh
We kick it, we slap it,
we take it to the movies,
call it Irene?
She needs to
commit an evil act,
but since she's not
evil, she won't.
(CHUCKLING)
Well, your troubles
are over then,
because I can
get a woman to do
absolutely anything.
I don't know.
Don't tell me that
you have feelings
for this thing?
No.
Good,
because that
would be pathetic.
I can give you
everything you
have ever wanted.
I think I need to go.
Look, the Evil
Science Fair is
in a few hours
You're either with
me or against me
Yes or no?
(GRUNTING)
I take that as a no.
(POWERING UP)
What are you going
to do now, smart guy?
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh!
(EXCLAIMS)
DR. SCHADENRREUDE: No!
(COUGHING)
Frederick!
DR. SCHADENRREUDE'S IGOR:
Frederick! Why are
you swimming?
You just ate
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Get off of me,
you buffoon!
(PANTING)
(SQUEAKING)
SCAMPER: Okay,
we finished
your costume.
I just hope it's
cinched enough
at the waist.
Obviously, if I
had more time, I would
have made it flare out
a little bit more
over the knees.
Stop touching it, Brain,
I'm creating a look here.
You guys are my friends.
So, you'll tell me
the truth, right?
SCAMPER: Yeah, sure.
Do you think
I'm pretty?
Brain get me
a tub of eye-liner,
a pound of lipstick,
and if all else fails,
the severed head
of a supermodel.
DR. SCHADENFREUDE'S IGOR:
Okay, the Jacuzzi is not a
bathroom. I know that now.
(COUGHING)
Please, please take
your own sweet time!
I'm loving it here!
Oh, really?
Well, then maybe you
should stay down there
with your Igor,
poopshkin!
You know something?
He's a good listener,
he's got soft hands, and
unlike you, he sometimes
shaves his legs!
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTS)
Wait.
No kissing Heidi
Or do you like me
better as Heidi?
Hmm. Jaclyn, Heidi,
Jaclyn, Heidi.
(SCREAMS)
It would be
really swell
if you didn t go
psycho- girlfriend
on me right now.
I'm not psycho!
Obviously not.
How would you feel
lf every day you had to
be 13 differentt people?
I'm Jaclyn,
your girlfriend.
Then I'm
Dr. Nachtmahr's
girlfriend.
Then I'm
Dr. Groaner's
girlfriend.
All for you!
To help you
steal inventions
year after year!
And I still say those
stolen pills were the
best invention yet.
Well, this time they
really paid off.
Guess what Mommy
found out about our
favorite little monster?
Or should I say
actress?
Oh.
Eva!
Eva! Eva!
Just breathe. Okay.
Center yourself
on the body
(SIGHS)
I'm ready for
my close- up,
Mr. Director.
Oh, no, this isn't happen ng.
Act graceful. Act graceful.
Keep smiling
(SCREAMING)
(THUDDING)
Too close?
No. Eva, you look...
You look beautiful
Oh this is
such a clich,
the leading lady
falling for her
director
Well, you're not
used to high heels
Oh, you mean...
Our work here
is done.
Our work?
You spent the entire
time playing with
a piece of ribbon.
(LAUGHING)
(GROANS)
Eva, about the audition,
I think I've given you
the wrong direction.
But I feel
so prepared
No, I've been trying
to make you play a role
that you're not right for.
What?
I have to tell
you the truth.
(HEIDI YODELING)
(HEIDI YELLS)
(GROANS) Heidi.
I'll just be
a minute.
Oh, Igor. Ow!
My ankle.
It twisted like
the pretzel, Igor!
DR. SCHADENRREUDE:
Enchanting.
Thank you. And
who are you?
Someone who does
not want your unique
gifts to go to waste.
(GASPS)
Are you a talent agent?
I was so deep
down worried
that when you opened
the card I thought
I lost you forever.
Heidi, I need to
tell you something.
I don't know
what it is,
but I feel like for
the first time
in my life,
I'm seeing a real Igor.
And I think I'm
in love with him.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Wow, when it
rains, it pours
No, no.
Igor is a liar.
He does this...
Igor would never
lie to me. Igor
cares about me.
Cares?
He doesn't care.
Because he built
you to be a weapon.
No, no, no,
you re wrong.
He'I never look
at you and see
a woman.
All he will ever
see is a monster.
I don't believe you.
Open your eyes.
Igor has someone
else in mind for
your role.
(MUFFLED) Heidi, no!
(IGOR GRUNTING)
There's nothing
more for you here.
Come with me.
I will make
you a star
No.
Oh!
What s wrong?
I can t believe
I'm saying this, but
I've made someone else
Huh?
I mean, I've met someone
else, who I made.
It's complicated.
Wait a minute.
You're rejecting me?
I'm sorry.
Forthat big
bumpy thing?
How do you
know about...
I mean, this isn't
even the sexiest me,
but come on! Look at you.
You're hideous.
You really are.
And I kissed you!
Ugh! Yuck!
Um...
(GASPS)
You're a monster.
And as we know,
monsters only
exist to be used.
(SIGHS)
(GASPS)
Schadenfreude!
Eva
KING MALBERT:
Seize him
Where's Glickenstein?
And before
you answer,
you should know
that someone
sent me this!
(SLURRING)
Your Highness,
he's dead.
And he didn't
invent life,
did he?
No.
(GRUNTING)
I did.
(SNICKERING)
An Igor inventing...
Silence!
Hunchy invented
life, eh?
Well, where is it?
It's a she,
and I think
someone's taken her.
Well, if she comes back,
we'll just tell her
where to find you
In the Igor
recycllng plant!
No! Please
No! No!
Eva, where are you?
Eva
Eva
(IGOR YELLING)
CARL CRISTALL: Lock your doors
end hide your loved ones.
It's the ennual
Evil Science Fair!
I'm Carl Cristall
and I m coming to
you live, invisible
and totally au naturel!
Fans are taking
their seats, includlng
King Malbert himself!
Don't touch me!
CARL CRISTALL: Meanwhile,
the scientists are in
their locker rooms,
prepping their
Evil Inventions!
(RUMBLING)
Here we are.
A dressing room fit
for a leading lady.
(CROWD CHEERING)
EVA: Wow,
listen to that.
How many girls
are audtioning
for this project?
(BAND PLAYING)
I'm gonna go
save him.
Wait.
Look, maybe I 'm
not a genius, okay.
But I know one thing,
I have to try
No, I was gonna say,
"Wait, I'm comlng
with you."
On three.
One.
Hey! No fair
(BRAIN WHOOPING)
(SCAMPER SCREAMING)
(CLANKS)
What are you
doing here?
We're here to
rescue you!
I don't want
to be rescued.
I'm an Igor.
And this is what
happens to us.
Figures, just when
I decided I want
to live...
Don't peek.
Don't worry.
I hope I can still
do a decent audltion
without Igor's help.
Trust me, I'm the one
who's gonna bring
out the real you.
SCAMPER: This
isn't you Igor.
Where is all that stupid
optimism and annoying
can-do attitude?
I tried to be someone
different, but the
world wouldn't let me.
Don't you want to go
after Eva and save her
from Schadenfreude?
Are you actually
trying to hypnotize
me Brain?
Yes!
But if that's not
working, then how
about this?
Ow!
Eva needs you
and you're the
only hunchback
that can stand tall
and fight for her.
Brain, that may be
the smartest thing
you've ever said.
Reach, Brain!
Reach!
(STRAINING)
You should have
built me with
a longer arm.
Huh?
Huh?
What? Like this is the
first time I've gnawed
my own feet off.
(ALARM BLARING)
Who says rabbits'
feet are lucky?
(PANTING)
BRAIN: Wheels,
don't fail me now!
(EXCLAIMS)
Wheels failed me!
Wheels failed me!
BRAIN: We went that way!
What are you doing?
Looking for the
secret passage!
There's a ways
a secret passage!
Darn it Brain,
there's no
secret passage!
It's over.
(GRATING)
I'm sorry,
you were saying?
Technically,
it's a secret
staircase.
Welcome! To you end the
milllons of viewers
around the globe!
They come from
all corners.
And just look at them.
They're all worried
sick about one thing,
world peace.
Well, tonight, it's
within their grasp.
And it has but a small
price, and that prlce
is $100 billlon.
(CROWD CHEERING)
And I, for one
I think they
can do it.
And if they
don't well,
the Evil Invention
last standing will be
unleashed on the world.
Ah! It'd just be too
horrible to imagine.
(GRUNTING)
Where are we?
BRAIN: And why
am I panting?
I don't have lungs.
The tower of the
King's castle. Look,
there's the Killiseum.
BRAIN: Wow, I don't
know what it is,
but I want one!
It's the beacon
of evil on top of
the royal castle.
Wait. Is it a beacon?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?
And bring me
back a toy!
(IGOR PANTING)
(INHALES)
Ah!
(RUMBLING)
The King's beacon s
really a weather ray.
King Malbert is making
the storm clouds
KING MALBERT: So, cltizens
of the world, I beseech you...
He lied to us.
... call the number
on the bottom
of your screens.
Yes, right there.
You need to give, just
like we need to be evil.
You need to be evil.
I know my choreography,
lfthat's what you mean.
I think you need to go
deeper. Have you ever
done anything evil?
No.
Well, then how
can you play
it truthfully?
You know you can't
get this part if
you fake it.
Hit me
What?
Hit me.
I could never
hit anyone.
Oh, my God
Oh, my God
Oh, my God!
Igor was right.
You are not
an actress.
Yes, I am.
Oh, no, you're not
No wonder he chose
Heidi.
I mean, you know,
she s beautiful
and you are not.
She has got talent
and you do not.
Don't you say that
Look at you
You are pathetic!
No, I'm not!
Yes, you are!
You're just a
big, freaky...
And here it is
baby. Buckle up,
here it comes
You are an ugly monster!
You couldn't act your
way out of a...
Ah
(SCREAMING)
(SNARLS)
We've got Annie!
(LAUGHS EVILLY)
Malarians,
let's get evil
(LAUGHING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
What? You're gonna
lower yourself down?
You've got your job
I've got mine
I'm coming, Eva!
And bring me
back a toy!
(SIGHS)
(EXCLAIMS)
(SCREAMING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Phew!
That was close.
(LAUGHING)
(CREAKING)
He s okay! He's...
Oh!
(SCREAMING)
I'm coming, Eva.
CROWD: Pull the switch!
(CHEERING)
CARL CRISTALL:
And here comes this
year's Evil Inventions!
(ALL GASPING)
(ROARING)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
(ROARS)
CARL CRISTALL:
Whet a menagerie of
mayhem-lovlng monstrosities.
(GASPING)
Take a good look, world,
any of these could
be coming for you!
Only one Evll Inventlon left.
Time for
my crowning
achievement.
Pull the switch!
That's Dr. Schadenfreude's
invention?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Eva?
Let the battle begin
No.
(SINGING) The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
CARL CRISTALL: Hold on!
What's this? It's fighting.
Bet your bottom dollar
that tomorrow
CARL CRISTALL: And winning!
There'll be sun!
Let me through!
Let me through!
I made her!
You made her?
Hey, here is
the genius Igor that
made her
Just thinking about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs
And the sorrow
Till there's none
Eva! Eva!
(GROANING)
CARL CRISTALL:
And wait! An Igor
has entered the arena.
I just stick out
my chin and grin
CARL CRISTALL: Don't worry,
folks, he'll be dead soon.
Oh!
She's almost at
her big finish!
And if we donit
destroy this weather
ray, it's really over
(GRUNTING)
(SINGING) The sun'll
come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on
CARL CRISTALL: Leave
it to Schadenfreude,
destroying his enemies
with a giant glrl
in a red dress.
(GIGGLES)
I can't believe
Schadenfreude
did it again
What are you doing
in the King's box,
Schoddy?
I was about to
ask you the same
question, Malby.
Malby? What's the
meaning of this?
This means you're
through. Or should
I say "overthrown"?
(SCREAMING)
Hey, you
unhand him.
He's your new king.
(CHUCKLES)
And if you have
a problem with that
please take it up
with the head of my
complaint department,
who's the big
monster over there.
(ROARING)
BOTH: Majesty.
There's gotta
be a faster way to
demolish this thing!
We're all going to
die! Except you!
Oh, yeah
(SCREAMING)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
(SINGING) Tomorrow
Tomorrow
I love ya
(RUMBLING)
Tomorrow
She's going to take
this whole place apart.
You're always a day...
Wait! This isn't you
I did create
you to be evil.
I'm sorry I lied
to you I lied to
you about everything.
(ROARS)
It's just a role.
You don't have
to play it.
(CACKLING)
Yes, she does!
You're an Igor.
She's an Evil Invention!
No. Everyone has
an Evil Bone in
their body,
but we choose whether
or not to use it.
(ROARING)
And as someone
I love once said,
"It's better to be
a good nobody than
an evil somebody."
(ALL GASPING)
(SPITS)
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
(SIGHS)
I'm not evil.
I'm Eva.
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
That is the
correct answer.
Igor, I felt like
I was in a dark,
horrible place.
We all were.
Wait! What's happening?
The end of Malaria's
evil role in the world.
Camera 2!
Oh! Excellent.
Thank you!
For generations,
Klng Malbert has
kept us in the dark
by creeting the clouds
with a weather ray!
He lied to usl
(EXCLAIMING)
We trusted him
and he lied to us.
He tricked us into
thinking we needed
to be evll to survive!
But we don't!
None of us do.
(CROWD BOOING)
This is outrageous!
He has no proof!
Where's his proof?
I demand to see proof!
I demand to see...
(EXCLAIMING)
(CRASHING)
Oops!
(EXCLAIMS IN NONCHALANCE)
I'm sure he's fine
Long live King
Schadenfreude!
Everybody!
King Malbert
the liar is dead!
Long live King
Schadenfreude!
Everybody say,
"Long live..."
(SCREAMS)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
Well, that was
a short reign.
Hey, fellas,
I'm single again!
No more pills
They can't see what
I really look like.
(GROANS)
My evil days
are over!
From here on out,
all evil doings
will be handled
by my manager/boyfriend.
(CROWD CHEERING)
CROWD: Eva! Eva! Eva!
Eva Eva! Eva!
President Igor,
now that you're
in charge,
will pants continue
to be as expensive
and uncomfortable
as they were under the
previous administration?
What? What? No.
Everything is
about pants.
Why is everything
about pants with you?
There you have it.
Another politician
afraid to answer
the tough, pants-related
questions of Carl Cristall.
Pickles. Old fam ly
recipe. Pickles.
Cocoas! Strudel!
(YODELING)
Mmm-hmm!
Yuck!
Pick me up at 7:00.
I'm gonna go home
and shave.
Hey, Scamper,
have you seen
Eva?
No. Go away.
Hans, you're wearing
this backwards. What
are you? Blind?
Let's switch
this around.
So, what do you do?
I'm a genius. What
do you do, mister?
I'm sorry I'm late.
I left your opening
night gift back
at the lab
Oh, my necklace!
Look inside.
Oh, my gosh.
You're really
gonna make this?
Yeah. And if it
doesn't work out,
then we'll just adopt.
It s a big step,
getting a pet together.
Come on
after living with
Brain and Scamper
everything will
seem like a breeze
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) I can see clearly
now the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles
in my way
Gone are the dark clouds
that had me blind
It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny day
It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny day
It's going to be a bright,
bright sunshiny day
(POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE
PLAYING)
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshlne
I got a love and I know
that It's all mine
Oh, oh, oh
Do what you want
But you never gonna break me
Sticks and stones are
never gonna shake me
Oh, oh, oh
Take me away
Take me away
A secret place
A secret place
A sweet escape
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hlding place
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love and I know
that It's all mine
Oh, oh, oh
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshine
Got a love and i know that it's all mine
Do what you want
But you never gonna break me
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me
Oh, oh, oh
Never gonna shake me
Never gonna shake me
I got a pocket
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I go a love and I know that it's all mine
Oh, oh, oh
Wish that you could
But you ain't gonna own me
Or do anything you can to control me
Oh,
You can't control me
Oh, oh, oh
You can't control me
You can't control me
Take me away
Take me away
A secret place
A secret place
A sweet escape
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hiding place
There's a place that I go
Where nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And darkness is light
And nobody cries
There's only butterflies
Tale me away
Tale me away
A secret place
A secret place
A sweet escape
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hiding place
Take me away
Take me away
A secret place
A secret place
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
To better days
Take me away
Take me away
A hiding place
A hiding place
The sun is on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be all right