It Came from the Desert (2017) Movie Script
The desert unchanged
for millions of years.
Yet witness to
a biblical prophecy come true...
...that one day the meek
shall inherit the earth.
This is not a drill.
You need to evacuate the facility
in orderly fashion.
Please locate to your nearest exit.
Let's go! Let's go!
There are ten emergency exits.
The Eradicator!
Ready?
I'm steady.
Watch it burn!
My hero!
Give me some sugar, baby.
What's up, Brian!
You're late.
Well, you can't be late
to your own party, brother.
Not possible.
I just want to be sure
we're there when he arrives.
I can't believe
I finally get to meet him.
You mean we get to meet him...
...because you wouldn't
even be there...
...if I hadn't of
killed it in the race.
You wouldn't have killed it...
...if I hadn't rebuild your engine.
Matter of fact that last jump
would have killed you.
That's why I am taking
my star mechanic...
...and bestie up on stage...
...when I'm handed my medal
by the Eradicator himself.
I could have not done it
without you, buddy.
Speaking of which,
how's my baby doing?
I installed the new suspension,
which you needed after that jump.
Sweet, dude.
Oh, and I changed out
the exhaust system...
...which should give you
some extra horsepower.
Enough technical mumbo jumbo.
My victory party awaits.
Beers, bikes, desert,
women Eradicator!
Yeah! Today's going
to be unforgettable.
Jump in, home boy!
Dude, what are you doing?
The desert's that way.
I know,
but we have a stop to make first.
This is Lisa's street.
What? Oh, yeah, I know.
I invited her.
You're messing with me, right?
Would I mess with you?
Maybe I would, but not this time.
I can't believe you are doing this.
I'm just trying to help you
out, man.
You got to put on
your big boy pants one day...
...and let her
know how you feel...
...because if you don't, well,
somebody else is bound to.
Hmm, fortune favors the brave.
Nothing ventured nothing gained.
It's like the Eradicator says.
Believe in yourself...
...Or nobody else will...
But that's just a movie!
Well, maybe it's time
to start living...
...the movie of your life, my man.
And if it were a movie...
This part would be in slow motion.
Holy Virgin Mary of Bethlehem.
Yeah, she's really something.
Hi, Lukas!
Howdy, Lisa!
Hey, Brian!
Thanks!
I really appreciate the ride.
How can I deny a pretty lady
a wild party?
That would be downright
irresponsible.
I saw your name
on the dean's list, Lisa.
Pretty cool, congrats!
Thanks!
Too bad I'm not on
the President's list...
- ...like some people.
- That's really no big deal.
I had to bust my ass just to get
on the dean's list...
...and you're saying
that's no big deal...
...that you got on
the President's list.
What are you trying to do?
Rub it in?
No... No.
I mean, it is a big deal...
...I'm just messing with you,
Brian.
What I meant to say was
congrats as well...
Boring! Enough school talk.
Let's party!
So, you guys get to meet
the Eradicator, huh?
Are you excited?
Does the pope s..t in the woods?
Hell yeah, we are, right, Bry?
Yeah, it's going to be great.
No kidding, it's going to be great!
I know everyone loves
the original but...
...I think part three is the
unsung masterpiece of the series.
To me it really embodies what
these movies should be about.
The stunt work and
the ridiculous plot...
...combined with the
increased budget...
...really jelled into
what I would consider to be...
...the perfect Eradicator movie.
So far anyway.
You know I hear they're trying
to get part seven off the ground.
You should ask him about it
when you meet him.
Now what's this happy horse s..t?
The Guarisco brothers.
Oh, no! That ain't right!
- Helmet! Take the wheel, Bry!
- No, no...
Take the wheel!
What is going on?
- Drive!
- What are you doing?
Pardon me!
What is he doing?
- He's insane.
- I know! Awesome, right?
That's right, my loyal fans.
You're winner has arrived!
Let the party begin!
You're cocky a..e, Lukas!
I dispute the a..e part
of that statement, Tim.
Lukas beat both of you
last week and he just kicked...
- ...your asses again.
- Yeah!
He'd never do it with a bike that
you hadn't tricked out.
Every modification I did was legit.
You just chickened out
on that last jump.
- You watch your mouth!
- Yeah! You watch your mouth...
...nerd!
No one talks
to the Guarisco's like that.
- Nobody.
- Do us all a favor, Craig...
Take your d..k out of
your brother's ass.
- Hey, I'll put my d..k...
- Shut up!
Later, losers!
Yeah, you walk away from me, Lukas!
That's where the party is.
Whoa, Lukas!
Yeah! Check it, man!
Oh, hey! You got to try this, dude.
- What is it?
- Uh... It's my Finnish family...
...vodka recipe with and
added twist...
...you're going to love it.
Oh, dude, you want some?
- No, thanks.
- Okay.
My beer!
Has a kick, right?
Jesus! Tastes like gasoline, bro!
Thanks, man! Come on!
- Here.
- Nice.
- Hey, Lisa!
- Hey!
Just go talk to her already.
- Huh?
- Huh?
You barely said a word to her
the entire drive here.
Well, it's hard to get a word in
when your...
...driver is Mr. Personality...
...and then hops out of the back
of the truck...
...to soundly defeat
his arch-rivals in a display...
...of physical dexterity
and mental equity.
How am I supposed to follow that?
Besides she doesn't need me
bringing the party down.
You got to cut it out with
this whole lonely nerd thing.
Chicks dig confidence.
They want a guy who knows
what he wants and goes for it.
Someone who grabs the world
by the balls...
...and tells it to turn its head
and makes it cough.
You going to be a man or a mouse?
- A man!
- Good!
Because the mouse
only gets the cheese...
...but a man gets the girl.
What's up, ladies?
Hey, I think you're in my seat.
Would you mind getting me a drink.
Is that okay?
Thank you.
Why... Why did you just
tell my friend to leave?
Oh, just for a bit of privacy.
- You're... You're Lisa, right?
- No...
- Yeah, Lisa. Hi.
- Yes...
So, you seriously came here
with those two losers?
Why do you have a
problem with them?
Oh, no, no... I don't.
It's... It's my bro,
who really hates them.
I am more of a lover
than a fighter.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Check this out...
Didn't come out so good.
- No. Oh, God!
- Hey!
- Oh my God!
- That was awesome!
- Don't... Stop making a mess!
- It's cool.
They clean up afterwards and
it's about to get way messier...
What does that even mean?
I don't know,
but you're very attractive.
- You repulse me.
- And you attract me.
Is my little brother bothering you?
Yes!
So Craig, why don't you be
a good boy and run along...
I'm your big brother.
Only by like a year.
Yeah, and because
you'll never beat me.
You'll always be in a second place.
Oh, yeah?
All right, let's give it up
to my main man, Lukas!
Lukas, where are you, man!
Come on, get up here!
Where are you?
Is everyone having a good time!
Yeah!
All right! Well, first...
I want to thank each
and every one of you...
...for coming out to middle
of fricking nowhere...
...to help celebrate my big win!
I'm pretty sure it was kind
of about the free booze too...
- ...but never mind!
- I love you, Lukas!
I love you too, hot random girl.
But seriously...
I'm only as good as the bike
that I ride...
...and my bike wouldn't be s..t...
...if it weren't for
my master mechanic...
Come on, Brian!
Get on up here!
Brian?
- What's that?
- Geez!
Little jumpy aren't you, Nancy?
Looks abandoned.
I wonder where the owner is.
Me too!
Hey! Don't litter, man!
What's that?
What?
Come on, dude! Littering!
Urinating on pristine land.
Philistine.
I've never been to Philadelphia
or Palestine, dude.
Hey, you got another beer?
Nope.
I haven't even had one yet.
And whose fault is that, man?
Look, the solution
to all your thirst...
...and love problems
are right over there!
You're coming back, right?
- Of course.
- Okay.
Because I'm just, you know...
...checking you're
not thinking about...
...because if you did
I would have to ask Lisa out...
- ...you know that, right?
- Jerk!
Do I really seem that morose?
I don't know what that
means, but...
...you definitely seem depressed.
I'm not a catch for Lisa.
She's so cool and
smart and beautiful...
You're smart.
You use words everyday
I've never even heard of, dude.
You...
...know how to fix machines
that I can only ride.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm nothing but a support system.
A guy who stands on the sidelines
while everyone flies by.
None of this self-doubt
or existential b..t...
...is going to get you anywhere
with her.
The hell do you know
what existential means...
...but not philistine?
Beats me.
Right, philistine!
Dude, what the hell is that?
Let's go check that out, man!
- Down there?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Let's not!
We could get lost or hurt or...
Don't be a p..y!
Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude!
Wow!
This is awesome!
Dude...
Chicane Industries.
- Where have heard that name?
- Everywhere.
They sponsored the
party, the race...
They're on your shirt for God sake.
How about that.
Chicane makes everything...
...from a touch screen glass
of your cell phone...
...to the protected plastics
inside your helmet.
Seems kind of weird to have
a helmet factory...
...way the hell out here.
I don't think that's
what happens at this site.
They're one of the biggest
military contractors in the US.
Rad!
So this is like a
secret bomb factory!
Looks like one of
them went off already.
I don't know,
but I think we should head back!
Don't be a p..y! Come on!
This is so cool!
- It's private property.
- Oh, come on, man!
There might be security or
defense systems or booby-traps...
...or there could be
government secrets in there...
...that if we find out about
would makes us marked men...
We could be hunted
for the rest of our lives...
...by black helicopters and...
Oh, s..t!
What did I say, man!
Come on! This is awesome!
- What's that smell?
- Who cares!
This just like
Eradicator part three...
...when he fights the baron!
That was part four...
Yes!
This is cooler than cool, dude!
Cool? Dude, this is super creepy.
Don't put it down on
everything, man.
You've always wanted
to do something like this...
...and now is your chance.
- Dude!
- What?
You said you didn't
have another one.
I was just trying to get you to
go back to the party, man.
Look, I'll find you one,
but right now...
...let's explore,
have fun, come on!
I wonder what they do in here.
Oh, what's that?
Blood?
Nah, that's not blood, man.
That's...
That's just something disgusting.
I think we should get out of here.
Head back to the party.
While your new found enthusiasm
for partying is inspiring...
...but I really want to know
what's down there!
This company creates crazy s..t
for the military, right?
Well...
...maybe we'll find
something cool, top secret!
Yeah, because that what
multi-billion corporations do...
...when they abandon a facility.
They just leave their crap
lying around...
...for anyone to
come along and take.
Well, we'll never know
debating it up here, will we?
Let's go!
Ninja style...
Yes!
My God, man.
Lukas!
Brian!
Hello!
That's weird.
Lukas!
Brian!
God, you scared a hell out of me.
That's cool, babe.
If you're scared,
feel free to hold me.
Ew.
Are you stalking me or something?
Stalk? God, no!
I was just making sure you're okay.
Pretty girl like you shouldn't be
alone out here in the desert.
I'm better off alone than
out here with a creep like you.
Oh, come on!
There's no need to
play the tough chick.
No one out here to impress, just...
...give in to your desires.
Okay...
Oh, you b..h!
Why did you do that?
I just gave into my desires
to knee you in the balls.
Douche.
Yes!
Someone had a party!
Dude, let's bring everyone
down here now!
Bry?
Sure, move the party...
Swell idea.
Let's go back and tell everyone,
right now.
In a minute, Nancy.
Would you stop calling me Nancy?
Kitchen.
Beer!
Oh, yes.
Dude, there is definitely
a beer in here!
No beer, dude. Tough luck.
It's still cold.
You don't find it odd that...
...an abandoned facility has
a still operational refriger..
What you see as odd,
I see as interesting.
Let's go!
Lukas!
Lukas!
You should have seen your
face, dude.
You got to check this out!
Whoa.
Right?
What the hell is that?
I don't know, man.
- Gross.
- Toxic.
It said Batch 9 on the door, man.
What do you think that means?
Well, I'm no detective but I'm...
...guessing it's the ninth batch
or whatever they were making.
You keep asking me things like
I would know something you don't.
You're supposed to
be the smart one!
What's that?
Oh, now you're asking me like
I know something you don't?
Security camera?
I'm not sure.
Looks more like a...
What was that?
Let's go check it out.
Are you kidding me?
Come on, Nancy.
You're the one hugging me, Gaylord!
Whatever...
Let's go!
This is a terrible idea.
Come on!
Hello! Is anyone there?
Are you for real?
What if it's a serial killer?
Then we're like all those chicks...
...who gets sliced
up in those movies...
...following our curiosity.
Why do we have to be chicks
in this little story of yours?
What?
Just a little further.
Please. Let's just get out of here.
Yeah. Okay, okay.
Telling a girl how
you feel about her...
...maybe is scary
as jumping a bike...
...but at least it's not dangerous.
Dude.
What the f...
We're going to die, man!
- We're going to die...
- Shh! Calm down.
Calm down? That thing scares
the s..t out of me!
No kidding! A giant monstrous ant
scares the s..t out of you?
This is no time for jokes, Brian!
I hate ants!
I hate them!
Do you think I would
be this scared...
...of a giant panda
bear, because...
Answer it!
Lisa?
Why is she calling you?
- Lisa!
- Lukas!
Where are you?
I've been looking all over for you.
Okay... Listen, we need your help.
What?
Wait, why are you whispering?
We found this freaky building.
That still doesn't explain
why you're whispering?
We're trapped by this giant ant!
Are you guys messing
with me because...
...I've had enough pervs trying
to mack on me in the last...
Listen! We need help!
We're trapped by a giant ant.
Trapped by a what?
A giant fricking ant!
Not so loud.
I'm by this chasm and...
You're at the chasm...
Look down and you'll see a tunnel.
Go through the tunnel
and you'll come...
...to this massive place.
Go through the front door.
- Hello!
- Go through the front...
Hello?
Lisa?
It's dead.
- F..k!
- Shh!
You call her.
I can't, Lukas.
I don't have her number.
What do we do then?
Find a weapon.
Anything.
Right!
What in the hell are going to
do with that? Swat it to death?
Well, what are going to do
with that? Make it breakfast?
Let's go!
Holy s..t, man...
That was like straight up
Jurassic Park s..t.
I mean exactly Jurassic Park.
I can't handle it, man.
Why did it have to be ants?
This is too stressful...
- Just too stressful.
- No!
Good boy...
Good boy.
Stay back!
Go. Go!
Darn it!
Over here!
Help!
Bry!
Don't!
What are you doing?
Help!
Get off!
I'm coming, man!
I'm coming!
Hold on!
Hold on!
Hold on!
- Oh, s..t! Oh, s..t!
- What are you doing?
Lisa!
Awesome!
- We did it!
- We did it?
Well, I helped!
I threw the empty beer can
so Lisa could distract it.
- You're welcome, Lisa!
- Yeah, sure. Thanks, Lukas.
Thank you, Lisa.
That was amazing!
Sure. You're welcome, Brian.
Are... Are you okay?
Physically...
I think I'm fine.
Mentally...
I honestly don't know.
Can someone explain to me
what just happened?
Yeah! You just kicked
a giant ant's ass!
Oh... Okay, good.
I was starting to think
Craig dropped acid...
...in my drink or something.
What a sobering experience.
Hey guys, we should probably
get out of here...
I never really thought about
that expression before, but...
...I was kind of buzzed before.
Now, that was truly
a sobering experience, guys...
Lukas! We need to get out of here.
- Now!
- Yeah, I'm with her!
Think about it. Ants are usually
part of colony, right?
I wounded ant emits
an alarm pheromone that sends...
...nearby ants into
an attack frenzy...
...and attracts more ants
from farther away.
How the hell did you know that?
What?
You think because
Lisa is beautiful...
...she can't be smart too?
Well, I've got news for you.
Lisa is more than
just a pretty face.
She got brains, personality
and she's obviously super brave.
Brian.
Thanks for the kind
words and all but...
Oh, okay...
Sorry.
But you're still smart and...
- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Where do I go?
In here!
Come on!
Wowzers!
You think they're gone?
I don't know.
You want go out there and check?
Not really.
Are you okay and stuff?
Yeah, I'm okay and stuff.
Okay, cool.
No service.
Yeah, me either.
There's got to be a way
to communicate with someone.
Hello! Hello!
Gee whiz!
Look at the ants, Cindy!
So industrious.
And they are all working
for their queen.
How chivalrous.
This video looks like it was made
in the fifties.
How old is this facility?
It's true, Billy and Cindy...
...that ants have
all sorts of admirable traits.
But their organization and
abilities become quite scary...
...once they're as big as a horse!
"Duck and Cover" may work
in most cases, but not this time.
Understanding the
natural instincts...
...of these creatures
will help you survive...
...if there's an infestation.
Instead of Duck and Cover...
...we recommend Run and Evade!
Sweet! A first person shooter.
I love these games!
Where's the controller?
Crap. It's like those
old games you like to play.
Hmm. I don't think it's a game.
What?
No!
Yes! Nice, man!
Awesome, dude!
Sweet, dude!
I don't know when
this video will be found.
Hopefully not too long...
...because they make thousands
of new eggs in a day...
Who the hell is this guy?
Put the game back on.
I'm Dr. Renard of project "Them".
After the original
outbreak of 1951.
We were able to
contain the subjects...
...for testing and experimentation.
Using a piece of the original
alien DNA...
...taken from the meteorite
we were able to splice...
...their DNA from fire ants
and spiders...
...to create commercial
applications...
...that can mean great progress
for all of mankind...
...but there was a security
breach this morning. Batch 9.
The cleverest of the bunch
were able to anticipate...
...the feeding schedule
and laid an ambush.
Our private security forces
were useless.
One dozen of our best men
are now missing...
...and presumed dead.
Now that the batch has fed
it will attempt to make a colony.
Somewhere dark and cool,
so the queen can lay her eggs.
Fortunately, I spliced their DNA
so the subjects require...
...ethanol to fuel
precursor compounds...
...and catalytic enzymes
to create monomers...
...the building blocks
of the proteins necessary...
...to fertilize their eggs.
And I thought you used big words...
What did he just say?
He said they need ethanol
to have babies.
Fortunately, we're in the desert...
...where ethanol
is in short supply.
- What are you looking for?
- Thank God for that.
Sign that says they need ethanol
to have babies.
Idiot!
I better not waste any more time.
Holy s..t!
Alien DNA, meteorites,
experiments...
...spiders, giant ants...
This is so fricking awesome!
I mean, it's creepy as f..k...
...but I got to say,
it's pretty awesome!
No, guys!
Guys.
- What?
- What?
Ethanol?
So?
Do you guys not know
what ethanol is?
We have to warn them.
Oh, God.
If only I could call somebody.
That means leaving this room.
They could be waiting for us
out there, dude.
If Lisa is right,
they've gone to look for liquor.
What other option do we have?
We have to go!
Fine! But if I die,
I'm never forgiving you!
Deal.
No!
Take it off!
Take it off!
Take it off!
S..t!
Oh! Squirrel, dudes!
I come in peace.
I have no nuts to give you.
Dude...
You're not a squirrel,
you're an ant!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Tim! No!
S..t!
- Jesus!
- Holy s..t!
Do you think anyone survived?
Doesn't look like it.
Let's get out of here.
We got to warn someone.
- Like who?
- I don't know.
The army, the marines, the cavalry,
a team of exterminators, dude!
Come on!
Hurry up!
Hold on tight!
What?
You'll never make that!
Why did you do that?
Are you crazy?
I'm trying to stop
you from killing us!
Look at that gap.
You'd never make it!
Oh, and Lukas would?
Is that what you are saying?
What? No.
Lukas couldn't make
that jump either.
Nobody could,
not even the Eradicator.
Lukas would at least would try.
Yeah, I know he would...
That's why he's such an idiot.
- Now, can we go, please!
- But...
When he jumped out
of the truck earlier...
...I saw the way you looked at him.
Like he was an idiot.
Brian, do we really have to
do this right now?
Look, okay...
I know we're in a
dire situation but...
...that doesn't mean that you
have to do anything reckless.
You're smarter than that...
That's why I like you.
You...
- ...like me?
- Oh my God.
Boys can be so dumb sometimes.
Yes! Of course, I do!
I mean, why would I agree
to come to God damn desert...
...with a bunch of drunk
extreme sports fanatics?
But...
I thought you liked Lukas.
Okay, Brian.
I know you love Lukas, but come on!
He's a doofus.
I mean...
What kind of girl
do you think I am?
I think...
...you're the best
girl in the world.
- No...
- Brian!
No! No!
Brian!
Hey!
What happened?
It took her. It got her...
I couldn't...
Okay, okay... It'll be all right.
- Can you ride?
- No. It won't start.
Okay, hop on! We got to go get the
cavalry, remember?
- No time to lose...
- No, I'm not abandoning her!
Brian,
we can't save Lisa ourselves!
Don't be stupid.
It's stupid to not
try and help her now.
- She's alive! It didn't kill her.
- Forget it, man!
- We're just two idiots who...
- No!
You're supposed to
be the risk taker.
Either go get precious cavalry
or man up and come with me!
Now, what's in that direction?
- Star caves.
- Star caves.
Somewhere cool and dark.
A perfect place for
a giant ant colony, right?
- Let's go!
- Come...
What are you going to do
when you get there?
I don't know.
I'll think of something.
Dude, we're not the Eradicator!
No, we're not! We're smarter
than the Eradicator...
...and that's why
we're going to save her.
S..t, man!
I guess there are
worse ways to die.
Thank you!
Yeah, yeah.
If heaven isn't filled...
...with an endless supply
of beer and women...
...I'm going to f..g kill you!
Stop here!
You sure you want to do this, Bry?
Imagine if Scarlett Johansson
was in there.
But she's
the Black fricking Widow, dude!
She can take care of herself.
Okay, what if...
- ...you're the fricking Hulk...
- Okay...
...and we go in there
and rescue her Avenger style.
Yes!
Whoa!
This is insane.
I'm the Hulk, right?
You're the Incredible Hulk.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Now what?
I don't know.
It's like mines of Moria.
- This way.
- Really?
Yeah.
Was that a bat?
Probably a bird.
Trippy. We just went from
Jurassic Park to Aliens, dude.
If my life has to be like a movie
why couldn't it be Deep Throat?
Lame joke.
How can endless p..y be lame, bro?
Looks like they are keeping
them alive...
...to feed the babies
when they hatch.
Why are they glowing?
There!
You're going to be okay, Lisa!
Please.
Wake up!
They're coming. We must leave.
You're that guy from the video.
Right. Dr. Strangelove,
Brown or something.
I'm Dr. John Renard, yes.
Though I'm in a process
of rethinking my career choice.
My mom's got an
opening in her dinner.
Hurry, there's no time.
No! I'm not leaving her.
You'll never manage to open them
without special tools.
- Now come on!
- Help me!
Dude, we got to go! No choice.
Otherwise we die and
nobody gets saved!
Now!
I'll come back for you.
I promise.
We must be careful
of the sentry guns.
I assume you saw the video
I left which means...
...that the sentry guns
are now activated.
Yeah, right, that video game
Brian was playing.
Yeah, we used them to eradicate
the first eight batches.
But they run out before
we could take care of Batch 9.
That's good, but Batch 9 are the
ones we need to worry about.
Their critical
thinking skills mean...
...that they'll be building
their ranks soon.
But there are automated
sentry guns all over the site.
If we wander in their range,
our lives will be in great danger.
This is a map
of the sentry gun locations.
You will need this to avoid
being torn to shreds...
...by fifty caliber bullets.
Great!
So in addition to giant ants...
...we now have robot
machine guns to contend with.
This day gets better and better!
You mentioned some
special weapons...
- ...in your YouTube clip?
- Yes.
We have some experimental
personal weapons...
...that are able to penetrate
the ant's carapaces.
Don't know if you've noticed,
but they're nigh indestructible.
Yeah, we noticed.
More of your scientific
modifications?
Not really.
Ants are incredibly
resilient creatures.
All we did was splice them
with alien DNA...
...and grow them to super-size.
Oh, that's all?
Where are they?
The experimental weapons.
At the Bradley site.
I just need a minute
to catch my breath.
We don't have time for that!
Actually, we do have a little time.
The ants brought those people
back to feed the hatchlings...
...something they weren't
able to do until now.
I don't know where
they got the ethanol.
But now that the
eggs are fertilised...
...they will hatch and feed.
The colony will grow and soon...
...they will search for
the nearest source of prey...
...town.
How long?
At least thirty minutes.
Don't you have some way
to shut them down?
A fail safe or something?
My boy, they're not robots?
Then how are you going
to control them in a battle?
Battle?
Project "Them" wasn't about
creating weapons!
Why else would you create
freaky giant...
- ...ants?
- It was for defense.
Did you know that a housefly
running into a spider's web...
...is the equivalent
of an F-16 flying into...
...one of relative size at Mach 1?
Standard-issue Kevlar is feeble
compared to that.
We mixed alien ant DNA
with tarantula's DNA...
...with intention of saving lives!
Wait a minute.
How long has this been going on?
Since the nineteen fifties...
...when the meteorite crashed
into the town of Lizard Breath.
Holy s..t!
There's an actual town called
Lizard Breath?
You need to get to
the Bradley site.
You're young.
You can make it in time.
If we can get the weapons...
...maybe we can put an end
to this batch.
But Batch 10...
Well Batch 10 will be perfect.
Ten?
Haven't you learned anything
from what happened today?
You're a real piece of work,
you know that?
Mistakes happen when
new technologies are invented...
...but the human price paid
is justified by the lives saved.
Tell that to all our friends
who are about...
...to become baby ant food!
Enough!
We got to save Lisa.
Look at the size of that thing!
Shut up and run!
Not that way.
We'll get ripped apart
by the sentry guns.
This way!
I don't see any ants.
Me either.
He said the prototypes
are in the back.
- Let's go!
- Wait!
Ninja style?
Yeah.
Through there.
Wait! Stop!
Look, I though he told
you where they were located.
I don't understand.
He didn't mark one here.
I understand.
He wanted us to get killed
trying to get those weapons.
He loves those ants more than
he loves the human race, Bry!
Wait a second.
Maybe there are no...
...prototype weapons.
Let's at least check.
Only twenty minutes left.
How we're supposed to get past
that thing then?
What are you doing?
Brian?
It's jammed!
- How do you...
- We need to hurry!
S..t!
Oh, crap.
- Where are the weapons?
- How am I supposed to know?
Start searching!
- Empty!
- Keep looking!
There's nothing in here, man!
Don't you give up!
This is a stupid idea!
There all empty!
Yeah. Look, there's one more.
Dude, check it out! There's beer!
Not now.
Geez, fine.
Look, maybe the
guns are back there.
Must be. There's nothing in here.
Look, you did everything
you could, but...
...we're never going to make it
back before those eggs hatch.
If we quit now, it won't just be
all them turning to ant food...
...our whole town will too!
Not if we can get the warning
out to somebody in charge.
You'll know exactly
how that will go.
The Return of the Living
Dead, remember?
They'll just nuke us all
to stop the scourge.
We got to try get past that ant.
I don't know, Brian. I...
Remember what the Eradicator says?
"Believe in yourself
or nobody else will."
Okay.
Let's do this.
But if I'm going
to die right now...
...I prefer to do it with
some beer in my belly.
- Okay, pal?
- Okay, but we got to chug.
Um, hello?
It would be nice to finally
get that beer...
...I've been wanting all day.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Stupid...
Bry!
Brian?
Brian.
Lukas!
I found them.
System activated.
Some kind of smart gun.
- That's lucky.
- You know how to use a gun, right?
I know a lot about
a lot of machines but...
...guns...
...not much beyond point and shoot.
Automated mode on.
Weaponized and ready to engage.
She sounds hot, man!
I want one.
System activated.
A dude!
Why is mine a dude?
Here. We can trade.
Hey, baby.
My name is Lukas and
I'll be your daddy.
What's that?
Plasma bolt cutter.
This will cut right
through the cocoons.
Check it out!
The Eradicator would weep.
Totally.
Say hello to my little friend!
Ammunition expended.
Friendly. Do not open fire.
Don't aim at me, dude!
- What?
- Easy with the gun!
Whatever, man!
We're f..g bad ass!
It's heavier than I thought, dude.
It's kind of hurting my balls.
We only have ten minutes left.
We'll never make it!
Where's that movie magic s..t
when you need it...
...you know, Eradicator stuff.
Wait!
What's under here?
Whoa!
There are two?
Destiny!
You ready?
We're steady.
- Watch it burn!
- Watch it burn!
What was the plan again?
Oh my God, you came back for me.
Of course, I did.
I told you I would.
I hate to interrupt this
little moment you're having but..
Yeah, let's do this!
I still say this a lousy
trade, dude...
...and even lousier plan.
Good luck.
Wait! What are you doing?
The exit's the other way.
There won't be an exit
if we don't stop them.
Do you trust me?
Good.
- Follow me.
- Okay.
Hey, ugly!
That's right!
I'm talking to you!
I am the Eradicator!
Ammunition almost spent.
Prepare and reload.
What the hell?
You didn't say you're empty.
I do not understand
your verbal command.
Fire bullets! Kill it!
I do not understand
your verbal command.
I command you to fire!
I do not understand
your verbal command.
- Shutting down.
- S..t!
Run!
Let's get to work.
Wait!
Why are you stopping?
They're getting closer. Just go!
We can't let them live!
I got an idea and
it just might work.
And if it doesn't?
Then I'm glad I got to tell you
how I feel about you.
Oh my God! What are you doing?
Hang on!
Whoa!
How did you know that would work?
I...
I didn't!
Fortunate favors the brave.
- Nothing ventures nothing gained.
- Nothing ventures nothing gained.
We did it!
Oh, man.
I was having the best dream
about my grandmother.
She was like a unicorn, dude.
- That way!
- Thanks, man!
Thanks so much.
Thanks, man!
Wait.
- What?
- The tank. I need it.
Oh, yeah!
No, man. I don't understand.
I need the tank.
I thought you said
it tasted like gasoline, dude?
It does. That's why I needed.
Okay.
Dude, promise me you'll be gentle?
I promise.
That way.
Thanks, man.
Fly free, my people.
Yeah, sayonara.
Are you serious?
Good enough.
Tim?
I came back here for you?
- Please, Lukas...
- Get me the hell out of here.
Why? You're kind of a d..k, dude!
I'm telling you, Lukas,
you got to help me.
Do I?
You sure about that?
Oh my God...
You need to jump, Brian.
No, I... I...
You can do this.
I believe in you.
Whoa...
I can do this!
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I think so.
That's right, b..h!
We beat you!
Because you're ugly and stupid
and we're smarter than you!
- That's right! You are ugly...
- Brian...
- ...and we are smarter.
- Brian!
Let's go!
Yes!
What's wrong?
I don't know.
Are we moving backwards?
We're moving backwards!
- Eat lead!
- I do not understand...
- ...your verbal command.
- The hell is wrong with you!
I do not understand...
- ...your verbal command.
- Fire!
Fire bullets!
- I do not understand...
- Give me that!
- ...your verbal command.
- Just drive.
Listen up, b..h!
There's only one queen around here.
Not you and not the
queen ant either.
Weaponized and ready to engage.
Engage target and eliminate.
Prepare to fire.
Eat this!
We did it!
Jump!
Lisa!
Lisa!
Are you okay?
Yeah...
Give me some sugar, baby.
I promise to tell everyone...
...you're the best racer
in the circuit...
...and I...
I'll never doubt your
dominance again...
- And?
- And...
And I...
I forgot.
And from this day on
you will refer to me as...
...Lukas "The Eradicator" Deakins.
Okay...
Okay, just get me out of here!
Good enough for me.
Come on. We go to get out of here.
Who's going to light the fuse?
Go! Save yourself...
I'll save the rest of us.
Go, get out of here!
Here goes nothing.
This is for you, Bry.
Watch it burn.
Dudes!
Did you see those big ass
ants, man?
Where's Lukas?
Wait, I thought he was in
there, man...
I think I hear something.
Where's Lukas?
He saved me.
He stayed down there
to kill the eggs.
- What?
- No!
It's full of flammable liquid.
You go down there,
you're just going to die with him.
You hear me?
He wouldn't want that.
Lukas!
Lukas!
Tim!
You're alive! Thank God.
He's only alive because
Lukas saved him.
He stayed down there
to kill the eggs.
Is that true?
I wish it wasn't but
he saved everybody.
Get out the way.
- Wait, what are you doing?
- I know what I'm doing.
Yeah!
Bry!
- Yeah!
- Whoa!
- Bro, yeah!
- Yeah!
Whoa...
Deja vu.
Oh, man, can I have that?
- Uh, sure.
- Thanks, bro.
Thanks.
Thanks for saving me, man.
I won't forget it.
And I won't forget you saving
my brother and the rest of us.
You really are the
champion, Deakins.
He's also the best racer
on the circuit...
...and I'll never challenge
your dominance again.
Because I'm who, Tim?
Because you're
Lukas "The Eradicator" Deakins.
Yes, I am...
...but you know what after that
you can just call me Lukas.
Okay, that was kind of weird.
This whole day has been weird so...
...whatever.
That was pretty brave of
you, Craig.
Yeah, I guess it kind of was.
Must of taken a lot of balls.
I'd say you've earned this.
Thanks.
Do you hear that?
By the power of
Grayskull, what is that?
Typical...
The cops finally show
when it's too late.
It's not the cops, Brian.
Then who?
- The Eradicator!
- The Eradicator!
Whoa!
Howdy, boys.
Heard about a big kegger out here
in the desert.
I thought I'd stop by.
I hope that's groovy.
Yeah, that... That's cool!
- Totally cool! Yeah!
- Very cool, man!
- Very, very cool.
- Well...
Then I guess that's cool.
Looks like you boys sure know
how to throw one hell of a party.
So...
Anybody got a beer?
Here you go, sir.
You can take mine.
That's mighty gracious of you.
Cheers, gentlemen.
Ready?
- We're steady!
- We're steady!
- Watch it burn!
- Watch it burn!
for millions of years.
Yet witness to
a biblical prophecy come true...
...that one day the meek
shall inherit the earth.
This is not a drill.
You need to evacuate the facility
in orderly fashion.
Please locate to your nearest exit.
Let's go! Let's go!
There are ten emergency exits.
The Eradicator!
Ready?
I'm steady.
Watch it burn!
My hero!
Give me some sugar, baby.
What's up, Brian!
You're late.
Well, you can't be late
to your own party, brother.
Not possible.
I just want to be sure
we're there when he arrives.
I can't believe
I finally get to meet him.
You mean we get to meet him...
...because you wouldn't
even be there...
...if I hadn't of
killed it in the race.
You wouldn't have killed it...
...if I hadn't rebuild your engine.
Matter of fact that last jump
would have killed you.
That's why I am taking
my star mechanic...
...and bestie up on stage...
...when I'm handed my medal
by the Eradicator himself.
I could have not done it
without you, buddy.
Speaking of which,
how's my baby doing?
I installed the new suspension,
which you needed after that jump.
Sweet, dude.
Oh, and I changed out
the exhaust system...
...which should give you
some extra horsepower.
Enough technical mumbo jumbo.
My victory party awaits.
Beers, bikes, desert,
women Eradicator!
Yeah! Today's going
to be unforgettable.
Jump in, home boy!
Dude, what are you doing?
The desert's that way.
I know,
but we have a stop to make first.
This is Lisa's street.
What? Oh, yeah, I know.
I invited her.
You're messing with me, right?
Would I mess with you?
Maybe I would, but not this time.
I can't believe you are doing this.
I'm just trying to help you
out, man.
You got to put on
your big boy pants one day...
...and let her
know how you feel...
...because if you don't, well,
somebody else is bound to.
Hmm, fortune favors the brave.
Nothing ventured nothing gained.
It's like the Eradicator says.
Believe in yourself...
...Or nobody else will...
But that's just a movie!
Well, maybe it's time
to start living...
...the movie of your life, my man.
And if it were a movie...
This part would be in slow motion.
Holy Virgin Mary of Bethlehem.
Yeah, she's really something.
Hi, Lukas!
Howdy, Lisa!
Hey, Brian!
Thanks!
I really appreciate the ride.
How can I deny a pretty lady
a wild party?
That would be downright
irresponsible.
I saw your name
on the dean's list, Lisa.
Pretty cool, congrats!
Thanks!
Too bad I'm not on
the President's list...
- ...like some people.
- That's really no big deal.
I had to bust my ass just to get
on the dean's list...
...and you're saying
that's no big deal...
...that you got on
the President's list.
What are you trying to do?
Rub it in?
No... No.
I mean, it is a big deal...
...I'm just messing with you,
Brian.
What I meant to say was
congrats as well...
Boring! Enough school talk.
Let's party!
So, you guys get to meet
the Eradicator, huh?
Are you excited?
Does the pope s..t in the woods?
Hell yeah, we are, right, Bry?
Yeah, it's going to be great.
No kidding, it's going to be great!
I know everyone loves
the original but...
...I think part three is the
unsung masterpiece of the series.
To me it really embodies what
these movies should be about.
The stunt work and
the ridiculous plot...
...combined with the
increased budget...
...really jelled into
what I would consider to be...
...the perfect Eradicator movie.
So far anyway.
You know I hear they're trying
to get part seven off the ground.
You should ask him about it
when you meet him.
Now what's this happy horse s..t?
The Guarisco brothers.
Oh, no! That ain't right!
- Helmet! Take the wheel, Bry!
- No, no...
Take the wheel!
What is going on?
- Drive!
- What are you doing?
Pardon me!
What is he doing?
- He's insane.
- I know! Awesome, right?
That's right, my loyal fans.
You're winner has arrived!
Let the party begin!
You're cocky a..e, Lukas!
I dispute the a..e part
of that statement, Tim.
Lukas beat both of you
last week and he just kicked...
- ...your asses again.
- Yeah!
He'd never do it with a bike that
you hadn't tricked out.
Every modification I did was legit.
You just chickened out
on that last jump.
- You watch your mouth!
- Yeah! You watch your mouth...
...nerd!
No one talks
to the Guarisco's like that.
- Nobody.
- Do us all a favor, Craig...
Take your d..k out of
your brother's ass.
- Hey, I'll put my d..k...
- Shut up!
Later, losers!
Yeah, you walk away from me, Lukas!
That's where the party is.
Whoa, Lukas!
Yeah! Check it, man!
Oh, hey! You got to try this, dude.
- What is it?
- Uh... It's my Finnish family...
...vodka recipe with and
added twist...
...you're going to love it.
Oh, dude, you want some?
- No, thanks.
- Okay.
My beer!
Has a kick, right?
Jesus! Tastes like gasoline, bro!
Thanks, man! Come on!
- Here.
- Nice.
- Hey, Lisa!
- Hey!
Just go talk to her already.
- Huh?
- Huh?
You barely said a word to her
the entire drive here.
Well, it's hard to get a word in
when your...
...driver is Mr. Personality...
...and then hops out of the back
of the truck...
...to soundly defeat
his arch-rivals in a display...
...of physical dexterity
and mental equity.
How am I supposed to follow that?
Besides she doesn't need me
bringing the party down.
You got to cut it out with
this whole lonely nerd thing.
Chicks dig confidence.
They want a guy who knows
what he wants and goes for it.
Someone who grabs the world
by the balls...
...and tells it to turn its head
and makes it cough.
You going to be a man or a mouse?
- A man!
- Good!
Because the mouse
only gets the cheese...
...but a man gets the girl.
What's up, ladies?
Hey, I think you're in my seat.
Would you mind getting me a drink.
Is that okay?
Thank you.
Why... Why did you just
tell my friend to leave?
Oh, just for a bit of privacy.
- You're... You're Lisa, right?
- No...
- Yeah, Lisa. Hi.
- Yes...
So, you seriously came here
with those two losers?
Why do you have a
problem with them?
Oh, no, no... I don't.
It's... It's my bro,
who really hates them.
I am more of a lover
than a fighter.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Check this out...
Didn't come out so good.
- No. Oh, God!
- Hey!
- Oh my God!
- That was awesome!
- Don't... Stop making a mess!
- It's cool.
They clean up afterwards and
it's about to get way messier...
What does that even mean?
I don't know,
but you're very attractive.
- You repulse me.
- And you attract me.
Is my little brother bothering you?
Yes!
So Craig, why don't you be
a good boy and run along...
I'm your big brother.
Only by like a year.
Yeah, and because
you'll never beat me.
You'll always be in a second place.
Oh, yeah?
All right, let's give it up
to my main man, Lukas!
Lukas, where are you, man!
Come on, get up here!
Where are you?
Is everyone having a good time!
Yeah!
All right! Well, first...
I want to thank each
and every one of you...
...for coming out to middle
of fricking nowhere...
...to help celebrate my big win!
I'm pretty sure it was kind
of about the free booze too...
- ...but never mind!
- I love you, Lukas!
I love you too, hot random girl.
But seriously...
I'm only as good as the bike
that I ride...
...and my bike wouldn't be s..t...
...if it weren't for
my master mechanic...
Come on, Brian!
Get on up here!
Brian?
- What's that?
- Geez!
Little jumpy aren't you, Nancy?
Looks abandoned.
I wonder where the owner is.
Me too!
Hey! Don't litter, man!
What's that?
What?
Come on, dude! Littering!
Urinating on pristine land.
Philistine.
I've never been to Philadelphia
or Palestine, dude.
Hey, you got another beer?
Nope.
I haven't even had one yet.
And whose fault is that, man?
Look, the solution
to all your thirst...
...and love problems
are right over there!
You're coming back, right?
- Of course.
- Okay.
Because I'm just, you know...
...checking you're
not thinking about...
...because if you did
I would have to ask Lisa out...
- ...you know that, right?
- Jerk!
Do I really seem that morose?
I don't know what that
means, but...
...you definitely seem depressed.
I'm not a catch for Lisa.
She's so cool and
smart and beautiful...
You're smart.
You use words everyday
I've never even heard of, dude.
You...
...know how to fix machines
that I can only ride.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm nothing but a support system.
A guy who stands on the sidelines
while everyone flies by.
None of this self-doubt
or existential b..t...
...is going to get you anywhere
with her.
The hell do you know
what existential means...
...but not philistine?
Beats me.
Right, philistine!
Dude, what the hell is that?
Let's go check that out, man!
- Down there?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Let's not!
We could get lost or hurt or...
Don't be a p..y!
Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude!
Wow!
This is awesome!
Dude...
Chicane Industries.
- Where have heard that name?
- Everywhere.
They sponsored the
party, the race...
They're on your shirt for God sake.
How about that.
Chicane makes everything...
...from a touch screen glass
of your cell phone...
...to the protected plastics
inside your helmet.
Seems kind of weird to have
a helmet factory...
...way the hell out here.
I don't think that's
what happens at this site.
They're one of the biggest
military contractors in the US.
Rad!
So this is like a
secret bomb factory!
Looks like one of
them went off already.
I don't know,
but I think we should head back!
Don't be a p..y! Come on!
This is so cool!
- It's private property.
- Oh, come on, man!
There might be security or
defense systems or booby-traps...
...or there could be
government secrets in there...
...that if we find out about
would makes us marked men...
We could be hunted
for the rest of our lives...
...by black helicopters and...
Oh, s..t!
What did I say, man!
Come on! This is awesome!
- What's that smell?
- Who cares!
This just like
Eradicator part three...
...when he fights the baron!
That was part four...
Yes!
This is cooler than cool, dude!
Cool? Dude, this is super creepy.
Don't put it down on
everything, man.
You've always wanted
to do something like this...
...and now is your chance.
- Dude!
- What?
You said you didn't
have another one.
I was just trying to get you to
go back to the party, man.
Look, I'll find you one,
but right now...
...let's explore,
have fun, come on!
I wonder what they do in here.
Oh, what's that?
Blood?
Nah, that's not blood, man.
That's...
That's just something disgusting.
I think we should get out of here.
Head back to the party.
While your new found enthusiasm
for partying is inspiring...
...but I really want to know
what's down there!
This company creates crazy s..t
for the military, right?
Well...
...maybe we'll find
something cool, top secret!
Yeah, because that what
multi-billion corporations do...
...when they abandon a facility.
They just leave their crap
lying around...
...for anyone to
come along and take.
Well, we'll never know
debating it up here, will we?
Let's go!
Ninja style...
Yes!
My God, man.
Lukas!
Brian!
Hello!
That's weird.
Lukas!
Brian!
God, you scared a hell out of me.
That's cool, babe.
If you're scared,
feel free to hold me.
Ew.
Are you stalking me or something?
Stalk? God, no!
I was just making sure you're okay.
Pretty girl like you shouldn't be
alone out here in the desert.
I'm better off alone than
out here with a creep like you.
Oh, come on!
There's no need to
play the tough chick.
No one out here to impress, just...
...give in to your desires.
Okay...
Oh, you b..h!
Why did you do that?
I just gave into my desires
to knee you in the balls.
Douche.
Yes!
Someone had a party!
Dude, let's bring everyone
down here now!
Bry?
Sure, move the party...
Swell idea.
Let's go back and tell everyone,
right now.
In a minute, Nancy.
Would you stop calling me Nancy?
Kitchen.
Beer!
Oh, yes.
Dude, there is definitely
a beer in here!
No beer, dude. Tough luck.
It's still cold.
You don't find it odd that...
...an abandoned facility has
a still operational refriger..
What you see as odd,
I see as interesting.
Let's go!
Lukas!
Lukas!
You should have seen your
face, dude.
You got to check this out!
Whoa.
Right?
What the hell is that?
I don't know, man.
- Gross.
- Toxic.
It said Batch 9 on the door, man.
What do you think that means?
Well, I'm no detective but I'm...
...guessing it's the ninth batch
or whatever they were making.
You keep asking me things like
I would know something you don't.
You're supposed to
be the smart one!
What's that?
Oh, now you're asking me like
I know something you don't?
Security camera?
I'm not sure.
Looks more like a...
What was that?
Let's go check it out.
Are you kidding me?
Come on, Nancy.
You're the one hugging me, Gaylord!
Whatever...
Let's go!
This is a terrible idea.
Come on!
Hello! Is anyone there?
Are you for real?
What if it's a serial killer?
Then we're like all those chicks...
...who gets sliced
up in those movies...
...following our curiosity.
Why do we have to be chicks
in this little story of yours?
What?
Just a little further.
Please. Let's just get out of here.
Yeah. Okay, okay.
Telling a girl how
you feel about her...
...maybe is scary
as jumping a bike...
...but at least it's not dangerous.
Dude.
What the f...
We're going to die, man!
- We're going to die...
- Shh! Calm down.
Calm down? That thing scares
the s..t out of me!
No kidding! A giant monstrous ant
scares the s..t out of you?
This is no time for jokes, Brian!
I hate ants!
I hate them!
Do you think I would
be this scared...
...of a giant panda
bear, because...
Answer it!
Lisa?
Why is she calling you?
- Lisa!
- Lukas!
Where are you?
I've been looking all over for you.
Okay... Listen, we need your help.
What?
Wait, why are you whispering?
We found this freaky building.
That still doesn't explain
why you're whispering?
We're trapped by this giant ant!
Are you guys messing
with me because...
...I've had enough pervs trying
to mack on me in the last...
Listen! We need help!
We're trapped by a giant ant.
Trapped by a what?
A giant fricking ant!
Not so loud.
I'm by this chasm and...
You're at the chasm...
Look down and you'll see a tunnel.
Go through the tunnel
and you'll come...
...to this massive place.
Go through the front door.
- Hello!
- Go through the front...
Hello?
Lisa?
It's dead.
- F..k!
- Shh!
You call her.
I can't, Lukas.
I don't have her number.
What do we do then?
Find a weapon.
Anything.
Right!
What in the hell are going to
do with that? Swat it to death?
Well, what are going to do
with that? Make it breakfast?
Let's go!
Holy s..t, man...
That was like straight up
Jurassic Park s..t.
I mean exactly Jurassic Park.
I can't handle it, man.
Why did it have to be ants?
This is too stressful...
- Just too stressful.
- No!
Good boy...
Good boy.
Stay back!
Go. Go!
Darn it!
Over here!
Help!
Bry!
Don't!
What are you doing?
Help!
Get off!
I'm coming, man!
I'm coming!
Hold on!
Hold on!
Hold on!
- Oh, s..t! Oh, s..t!
- What are you doing?
Lisa!
Awesome!
- We did it!
- We did it?
Well, I helped!
I threw the empty beer can
so Lisa could distract it.
- You're welcome, Lisa!
- Yeah, sure. Thanks, Lukas.
Thank you, Lisa.
That was amazing!
Sure. You're welcome, Brian.
Are... Are you okay?
Physically...
I think I'm fine.
Mentally...
I honestly don't know.
Can someone explain to me
what just happened?
Yeah! You just kicked
a giant ant's ass!
Oh... Okay, good.
I was starting to think
Craig dropped acid...
...in my drink or something.
What a sobering experience.
Hey guys, we should probably
get out of here...
I never really thought about
that expression before, but...
...I was kind of buzzed before.
Now, that was truly
a sobering experience, guys...
Lukas! We need to get out of here.
- Now!
- Yeah, I'm with her!
Think about it. Ants are usually
part of colony, right?
I wounded ant emits
an alarm pheromone that sends...
...nearby ants into
an attack frenzy...
...and attracts more ants
from farther away.
How the hell did you know that?
What?
You think because
Lisa is beautiful...
...she can't be smart too?
Well, I've got news for you.
Lisa is more than
just a pretty face.
She got brains, personality
and she's obviously super brave.
Brian.
Thanks for the kind
words and all but...
Oh, okay...
Sorry.
But you're still smart and...
- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Where do I go?
In here!
Come on!
Wowzers!
You think they're gone?
I don't know.
You want go out there and check?
Not really.
Are you okay and stuff?
Yeah, I'm okay and stuff.
Okay, cool.
No service.
Yeah, me either.
There's got to be a way
to communicate with someone.
Hello! Hello!
Gee whiz!
Look at the ants, Cindy!
So industrious.
And they are all working
for their queen.
How chivalrous.
This video looks like it was made
in the fifties.
How old is this facility?
It's true, Billy and Cindy...
...that ants have
all sorts of admirable traits.
But their organization and
abilities become quite scary...
...once they're as big as a horse!
"Duck and Cover" may work
in most cases, but not this time.
Understanding the
natural instincts...
...of these creatures
will help you survive...
...if there's an infestation.
Instead of Duck and Cover...
...we recommend Run and Evade!
Sweet! A first person shooter.
I love these games!
Where's the controller?
Crap. It's like those
old games you like to play.
Hmm. I don't think it's a game.
What?
No!
Yes! Nice, man!
Awesome, dude!
Sweet, dude!
I don't know when
this video will be found.
Hopefully not too long...
...because they make thousands
of new eggs in a day...
Who the hell is this guy?
Put the game back on.
I'm Dr. Renard of project "Them".
After the original
outbreak of 1951.
We were able to
contain the subjects...
...for testing and experimentation.
Using a piece of the original
alien DNA...
...taken from the meteorite
we were able to splice...
...their DNA from fire ants
and spiders...
...to create commercial
applications...
...that can mean great progress
for all of mankind...
...but there was a security
breach this morning. Batch 9.
The cleverest of the bunch
were able to anticipate...
...the feeding schedule
and laid an ambush.
Our private security forces
were useless.
One dozen of our best men
are now missing...
...and presumed dead.
Now that the batch has fed
it will attempt to make a colony.
Somewhere dark and cool,
so the queen can lay her eggs.
Fortunately, I spliced their DNA
so the subjects require...
...ethanol to fuel
precursor compounds...
...and catalytic enzymes
to create monomers...
...the building blocks
of the proteins necessary...
...to fertilize their eggs.
And I thought you used big words...
What did he just say?
He said they need ethanol
to have babies.
Fortunately, we're in the desert...
...where ethanol
is in short supply.
- What are you looking for?
- Thank God for that.
Sign that says they need ethanol
to have babies.
Idiot!
I better not waste any more time.
Holy s..t!
Alien DNA, meteorites,
experiments...
...spiders, giant ants...
This is so fricking awesome!
I mean, it's creepy as f..k...
...but I got to say,
it's pretty awesome!
No, guys!
Guys.
- What?
- What?
Ethanol?
So?
Do you guys not know
what ethanol is?
We have to warn them.
Oh, God.
If only I could call somebody.
That means leaving this room.
They could be waiting for us
out there, dude.
If Lisa is right,
they've gone to look for liquor.
What other option do we have?
We have to go!
Fine! But if I die,
I'm never forgiving you!
Deal.
No!
Take it off!
Take it off!
Take it off!
S..t!
Oh! Squirrel, dudes!
I come in peace.
I have no nuts to give you.
Dude...
You're not a squirrel,
you're an ant!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Tim! No!
S..t!
- Jesus!
- Holy s..t!
Do you think anyone survived?
Doesn't look like it.
Let's get out of here.
We got to warn someone.
- Like who?
- I don't know.
The army, the marines, the cavalry,
a team of exterminators, dude!
Come on!
Hurry up!
Hold on tight!
What?
You'll never make that!
Why did you do that?
Are you crazy?
I'm trying to stop
you from killing us!
Look at that gap.
You'd never make it!
Oh, and Lukas would?
Is that what you are saying?
What? No.
Lukas couldn't make
that jump either.
Nobody could,
not even the Eradicator.
Lukas would at least would try.
Yeah, I know he would...
That's why he's such an idiot.
- Now, can we go, please!
- But...
When he jumped out
of the truck earlier...
...I saw the way you looked at him.
Like he was an idiot.
Brian, do we really have to
do this right now?
Look, okay...
I know we're in a
dire situation but...
...that doesn't mean that you
have to do anything reckless.
You're smarter than that...
That's why I like you.
You...
- ...like me?
- Oh my God.
Boys can be so dumb sometimes.
Yes! Of course, I do!
I mean, why would I agree
to come to God damn desert...
...with a bunch of drunk
extreme sports fanatics?
But...
I thought you liked Lukas.
Okay, Brian.
I know you love Lukas, but come on!
He's a doofus.
I mean...
What kind of girl
do you think I am?
I think...
...you're the best
girl in the world.
- No...
- Brian!
No! No!
Brian!
Hey!
What happened?
It took her. It got her...
I couldn't...
Okay, okay... It'll be all right.
- Can you ride?
- No. It won't start.
Okay, hop on! We got to go get the
cavalry, remember?
- No time to lose...
- No, I'm not abandoning her!
Brian,
we can't save Lisa ourselves!
Don't be stupid.
It's stupid to not
try and help her now.
- She's alive! It didn't kill her.
- Forget it, man!
- We're just two idiots who...
- No!
You're supposed to
be the risk taker.
Either go get precious cavalry
or man up and come with me!
Now, what's in that direction?
- Star caves.
- Star caves.
Somewhere cool and dark.
A perfect place for
a giant ant colony, right?
- Let's go!
- Come...
What are you going to do
when you get there?
I don't know.
I'll think of something.
Dude, we're not the Eradicator!
No, we're not! We're smarter
than the Eradicator...
...and that's why
we're going to save her.
S..t, man!
I guess there are
worse ways to die.
Thank you!
Yeah, yeah.
If heaven isn't filled...
...with an endless supply
of beer and women...
...I'm going to f..g kill you!
Stop here!
You sure you want to do this, Bry?
Imagine if Scarlett Johansson
was in there.
But she's
the Black fricking Widow, dude!
She can take care of herself.
Okay, what if...
- ...you're the fricking Hulk...
- Okay...
...and we go in there
and rescue her Avenger style.
Yes!
Whoa!
This is insane.
I'm the Hulk, right?
You're the Incredible Hulk.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Now what?
I don't know.
It's like mines of Moria.
- This way.
- Really?
Yeah.
Was that a bat?
Probably a bird.
Trippy. We just went from
Jurassic Park to Aliens, dude.
If my life has to be like a movie
why couldn't it be Deep Throat?
Lame joke.
How can endless p..y be lame, bro?
Looks like they are keeping
them alive...
...to feed the babies
when they hatch.
Why are they glowing?
There!
You're going to be okay, Lisa!
Please.
Wake up!
They're coming. We must leave.
You're that guy from the video.
Right. Dr. Strangelove,
Brown or something.
I'm Dr. John Renard, yes.
Though I'm in a process
of rethinking my career choice.
My mom's got an
opening in her dinner.
Hurry, there's no time.
No! I'm not leaving her.
You'll never manage to open them
without special tools.
- Now come on!
- Help me!
Dude, we got to go! No choice.
Otherwise we die and
nobody gets saved!
Now!
I'll come back for you.
I promise.
We must be careful
of the sentry guns.
I assume you saw the video
I left which means...
...that the sentry guns
are now activated.
Yeah, right, that video game
Brian was playing.
Yeah, we used them to eradicate
the first eight batches.
But they run out before
we could take care of Batch 9.
That's good, but Batch 9 are the
ones we need to worry about.
Their critical
thinking skills mean...
...that they'll be building
their ranks soon.
But there are automated
sentry guns all over the site.
If we wander in their range,
our lives will be in great danger.
This is a map
of the sentry gun locations.
You will need this to avoid
being torn to shreds...
...by fifty caliber bullets.
Great!
So in addition to giant ants...
...we now have robot
machine guns to contend with.
This day gets better and better!
You mentioned some
special weapons...
- ...in your YouTube clip?
- Yes.
We have some experimental
personal weapons...
...that are able to penetrate
the ant's carapaces.
Don't know if you've noticed,
but they're nigh indestructible.
Yeah, we noticed.
More of your scientific
modifications?
Not really.
Ants are incredibly
resilient creatures.
All we did was splice them
with alien DNA...
...and grow them to super-size.
Oh, that's all?
Where are they?
The experimental weapons.
At the Bradley site.
I just need a minute
to catch my breath.
We don't have time for that!
Actually, we do have a little time.
The ants brought those people
back to feed the hatchlings...
...something they weren't
able to do until now.
I don't know where
they got the ethanol.
But now that the
eggs are fertilised...
...they will hatch and feed.
The colony will grow and soon...
...they will search for
the nearest source of prey...
...town.
How long?
At least thirty minutes.
Don't you have some way
to shut them down?
A fail safe or something?
My boy, they're not robots?
Then how are you going
to control them in a battle?
Battle?
Project "Them" wasn't about
creating weapons!
Why else would you create
freaky giant...
- ...ants?
- It was for defense.
Did you know that a housefly
running into a spider's web...
...is the equivalent
of an F-16 flying into...
...one of relative size at Mach 1?
Standard-issue Kevlar is feeble
compared to that.
We mixed alien ant DNA
with tarantula's DNA...
...with intention of saving lives!
Wait a minute.
How long has this been going on?
Since the nineteen fifties...
...when the meteorite crashed
into the town of Lizard Breath.
Holy s..t!
There's an actual town called
Lizard Breath?
You need to get to
the Bradley site.
You're young.
You can make it in time.
If we can get the weapons...
...maybe we can put an end
to this batch.
But Batch 10...
Well Batch 10 will be perfect.
Ten?
Haven't you learned anything
from what happened today?
You're a real piece of work,
you know that?
Mistakes happen when
new technologies are invented...
...but the human price paid
is justified by the lives saved.
Tell that to all our friends
who are about...
...to become baby ant food!
Enough!
We got to save Lisa.
Look at the size of that thing!
Shut up and run!
Not that way.
We'll get ripped apart
by the sentry guns.
This way!
I don't see any ants.
Me either.
He said the prototypes
are in the back.
- Let's go!
- Wait!
Ninja style?
Yeah.
Through there.
Wait! Stop!
Look, I though he told
you where they were located.
I don't understand.
He didn't mark one here.
I understand.
He wanted us to get killed
trying to get those weapons.
He loves those ants more than
he loves the human race, Bry!
Wait a second.
Maybe there are no...
...prototype weapons.
Let's at least check.
Only twenty minutes left.
How we're supposed to get past
that thing then?
What are you doing?
Brian?
It's jammed!
- How do you...
- We need to hurry!
S..t!
Oh, crap.
- Where are the weapons?
- How am I supposed to know?
Start searching!
- Empty!
- Keep looking!
There's nothing in here, man!
Don't you give up!
This is a stupid idea!
There all empty!
Yeah. Look, there's one more.
Dude, check it out! There's beer!
Not now.
Geez, fine.
Look, maybe the
guns are back there.
Must be. There's nothing in here.
Look, you did everything
you could, but...
...we're never going to make it
back before those eggs hatch.
If we quit now, it won't just be
all them turning to ant food...
...our whole town will too!
Not if we can get the warning
out to somebody in charge.
You'll know exactly
how that will go.
The Return of the Living
Dead, remember?
They'll just nuke us all
to stop the scourge.
We got to try get past that ant.
I don't know, Brian. I...
Remember what the Eradicator says?
"Believe in yourself
or nobody else will."
Okay.
Let's do this.
But if I'm going
to die right now...
...I prefer to do it with
some beer in my belly.
- Okay, pal?
- Okay, but we got to chug.
Um, hello?
It would be nice to finally
get that beer...
...I've been wanting all day.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Stupid...
Bry!
Brian?
Brian.
Lukas!
I found them.
System activated.
Some kind of smart gun.
- That's lucky.
- You know how to use a gun, right?
I know a lot about
a lot of machines but...
...guns...
...not much beyond point and shoot.
Automated mode on.
Weaponized and ready to engage.
She sounds hot, man!
I want one.
System activated.
A dude!
Why is mine a dude?
Here. We can trade.
Hey, baby.
My name is Lukas and
I'll be your daddy.
What's that?
Plasma bolt cutter.
This will cut right
through the cocoons.
Check it out!
The Eradicator would weep.
Totally.
Say hello to my little friend!
Ammunition expended.
Friendly. Do not open fire.
Don't aim at me, dude!
- What?
- Easy with the gun!
Whatever, man!
We're f..g bad ass!
It's heavier than I thought, dude.
It's kind of hurting my balls.
We only have ten minutes left.
We'll never make it!
Where's that movie magic s..t
when you need it...
...you know, Eradicator stuff.
Wait!
What's under here?
Whoa!
There are two?
Destiny!
You ready?
We're steady.
- Watch it burn!
- Watch it burn!
What was the plan again?
Oh my God, you came back for me.
Of course, I did.
I told you I would.
I hate to interrupt this
little moment you're having but..
Yeah, let's do this!
I still say this a lousy
trade, dude...
...and even lousier plan.
Good luck.
Wait! What are you doing?
The exit's the other way.
There won't be an exit
if we don't stop them.
Do you trust me?
Good.
- Follow me.
- Okay.
Hey, ugly!
That's right!
I'm talking to you!
I am the Eradicator!
Ammunition almost spent.
Prepare and reload.
What the hell?
You didn't say you're empty.
I do not understand
your verbal command.
Fire bullets! Kill it!
I do not understand
your verbal command.
I command you to fire!
I do not understand
your verbal command.
- Shutting down.
- S..t!
Run!
Let's get to work.
Wait!
Why are you stopping?
They're getting closer. Just go!
We can't let them live!
I got an idea and
it just might work.
And if it doesn't?
Then I'm glad I got to tell you
how I feel about you.
Oh my God! What are you doing?
Hang on!
Whoa!
How did you know that would work?
I...
I didn't!
Fortunate favors the brave.
- Nothing ventures nothing gained.
- Nothing ventures nothing gained.
We did it!
Oh, man.
I was having the best dream
about my grandmother.
She was like a unicorn, dude.
- That way!
- Thanks, man!
Thanks so much.
Thanks, man!
Wait.
- What?
- The tank. I need it.
Oh, yeah!
No, man. I don't understand.
I need the tank.
I thought you said
it tasted like gasoline, dude?
It does. That's why I needed.
Okay.
Dude, promise me you'll be gentle?
I promise.
That way.
Thanks, man.
Fly free, my people.
Yeah, sayonara.
Are you serious?
Good enough.
Tim?
I came back here for you?
- Please, Lukas...
- Get me the hell out of here.
Why? You're kind of a d..k, dude!
I'm telling you, Lukas,
you got to help me.
Do I?
You sure about that?
Oh my God...
You need to jump, Brian.
No, I... I...
You can do this.
I believe in you.
Whoa...
I can do this!
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I think so.
That's right, b..h!
We beat you!
Because you're ugly and stupid
and we're smarter than you!
- That's right! You are ugly...
- Brian...
- ...and we are smarter.
- Brian!
Let's go!
Yes!
What's wrong?
I don't know.
Are we moving backwards?
We're moving backwards!
- Eat lead!
- I do not understand...
- ...your verbal command.
- The hell is wrong with you!
I do not understand...
- ...your verbal command.
- Fire!
Fire bullets!
- I do not understand...
- Give me that!
- ...your verbal command.
- Just drive.
Listen up, b..h!
There's only one queen around here.
Not you and not the
queen ant either.
Weaponized and ready to engage.
Engage target and eliminate.
Prepare to fire.
Eat this!
We did it!
Jump!
Lisa!
Lisa!
Are you okay?
Yeah...
Give me some sugar, baby.
I promise to tell everyone...
...you're the best racer
in the circuit...
...and I...
I'll never doubt your
dominance again...
- And?
- And...
And I...
I forgot.
And from this day on
you will refer to me as...
...Lukas "The Eradicator" Deakins.
Okay...
Okay, just get me out of here!
Good enough for me.
Come on. We go to get out of here.
Who's going to light the fuse?
Go! Save yourself...
I'll save the rest of us.
Go, get out of here!
Here goes nothing.
This is for you, Bry.
Watch it burn.
Dudes!
Did you see those big ass
ants, man?
Where's Lukas?
Wait, I thought he was in
there, man...
I think I hear something.
Where's Lukas?
He saved me.
He stayed down there
to kill the eggs.
- What?
- No!
It's full of flammable liquid.
You go down there,
you're just going to die with him.
You hear me?
He wouldn't want that.
Lukas!
Lukas!
Tim!
You're alive! Thank God.
He's only alive because
Lukas saved him.
He stayed down there
to kill the eggs.
Is that true?
I wish it wasn't but
he saved everybody.
Get out the way.
- Wait, what are you doing?
- I know what I'm doing.
Yeah!
Bry!
- Yeah!
- Whoa!
- Bro, yeah!
- Yeah!
Whoa...
Deja vu.
Oh, man, can I have that?
- Uh, sure.
- Thanks, bro.
Thanks.
Thanks for saving me, man.
I won't forget it.
And I won't forget you saving
my brother and the rest of us.
You really are the
champion, Deakins.
He's also the best racer
on the circuit...
...and I'll never challenge
your dominance again.
Because I'm who, Tim?
Because you're
Lukas "The Eradicator" Deakins.
Yes, I am...
...but you know what after that
you can just call me Lukas.
Okay, that was kind of weird.
This whole day has been weird so...
...whatever.
That was pretty brave of
you, Craig.
Yeah, I guess it kind of was.
Must of taken a lot of balls.
I'd say you've earned this.
Thanks.
Do you hear that?
By the power of
Grayskull, what is that?
Typical...
The cops finally show
when it's too late.
It's not the cops, Brian.
Then who?
- The Eradicator!
- The Eradicator!
Whoa!
Howdy, boys.
Heard about a big kegger out here
in the desert.
I thought I'd stop by.
I hope that's groovy.
Yeah, that... That's cool!
- Totally cool! Yeah!
- Very cool, man!
- Very, very cool.
- Well...
Then I guess that's cool.
Looks like you boys sure know
how to throw one hell of a party.
So...
Anybody got a beer?
Here you go, sir.
You can take mine.
That's mighty gracious of you.
Cheers, gentlemen.
Ready?
- We're steady!
- We're steady!
- Watch it burn!
- Watch it burn!