Junkyard Dog (2023) Movie Script
1
What have you done?
What's wrong
with Beefcake's eye?
- I didn't look.
- You did!
I vote very hard.
- And the others?
- Not hard at all.
- Not hard at all?
- Hard.
- Very hard.
- Not hard, poor thing.
Medium-hard.
Beefcake, what's your vote?
Fist bump?
Fist bump is hard. There.
Fist bump is hard,
so on average, that's...
medium-hard.
I didn't look.
Why are you lying?
Look me in the eye.
Act like a man.
If you didn't look, say
"Mirales, you're crazy, I didn't look."
If you did, own it and say,
"Yes, I looked. So what?"
I didn't look though.
The way you keep saying that
makes me want to hit you.
Always remember the Montaigne quote
I told you last time:
"I do myself a greater injury in lying
than I do him of whom I tell a lie."
Into position, please...
- I didn't look.
- to receive the rightful sentence!
Sure.
Hold on.
Aight, we're on our way.
Aight, see ya.
I'm keeping to my word.
Don't worry, I'm keeping to my word.
Come on, let's go.
Beefcake, come here!
Bye guys!
Be good, my little Beefy.
Daddy will be back soon.
Dog, don't pet him.
If he scratches you, it's gonna hurt.
Franois isn't well.
I changed his kibble, poor thing...
Your recipe didn't work.
- It didn't work?
- It really didn't.
He gets close to the bowl,
sniffs it, and...
just leaves.
Cats are crazy though.
Huh, my little Franois?
- Want a refill, bro?
- Sure.
What's up with you?
You had at least five beers earlier.
- Let him be!
- No way.
I'm okay!
Are you? Top him up.
- Stop encouraging him!
- Top him up!
You're supposed to be
the voice of reason.
If he wants to...
How much do you want? 100 or 200?
Make it 200.
- Just don't fall asleep.
- Relax.
Have I ever fallen asleep?
Sometimes you get close.
Don't push it.
No slandering, please, sir.
Right, are we off?
Fuck...
Good evening!
What are you looking at?
Think you're pretty, do you?
What's your problem?
What the fuck do you want?
Think you scare me?
Go home to your mom!
Why are you talking to me?
Get out of my sight!
- Who even are you?
- Have you lost it?
Go find your mom, she'll teach you!
Loser! You better watch it!
JUNKYARD DOG
Come on, get in the car.
Beefcake!
Come for a walk with Daddy! Let's go!
No! Leave it!
Let's go!
- See you.
- See you.
Wait for me.
Come on.
Beefcake!
Sit.
Stay.
How are you, Mrs. Dufour?
Hello Antoine!
How are you?
I made you some biscuits.
Did you?
I was a bit heavy-handed
with the muscat, but they're good.
That's nice, thank you.
- Do you want a coffee?
- Can't stop, sorry.
I'll be back.
They last for five days in the cupboard.
They'll be gone before then!
Perfect. Have a nice day!
Come on, Beefcake.
Beefcake, stay!
Beefcake, come back!
You've reached Damien's voicemail.
Please leave a message.
Yeah, it's me. I'm downstairs.
If you're not dead, call me.
If you are dead...
Say hi to Satan,
tell him I'll be there soon.
See you later.
- Hello. Where are you going?
- Le Pouget.
I live there. Get in!
Thank you.
They're heading
for a nice, controlled victory.
That's a good recovery.
- Oh man...
- Boom!
Come on, let's move.
No, let's play again.
We're rotting in here like slobs.
Let's go for a walk or something.
I don't feel like it.
You're so annoying.
Can't you compromise for me, man?
A little compromise for me?
I'll make a compromise for you.
We'll sit
and stare at each other all day.
Sounds real fun.
We're going to spend
a memorable day like...
two doddery old men,
bedridden in a nursing home.
Waiting for death together.
Who is it?
A girl I gave a ride to earlier.
A hitchhiker? You're picking up girls
and not even telling me?
I'm telling you now.
Aight, tell her to come over tonight.
We can hang out.
Yeah, I'll text her later.
Cool.
And there's the goal.
What a perfect strike.
Right in the back of the net.
If I were a woman, would you...
Would you think...
Imagine me, my face,
my eyes, my features,
my body, just with two well-placed
little protrusions, would you...
Could you potentially desire
a woman like me?
- No.
- What?
I'll help you.
Imagine that I'm slowly
moving towards you, like this...
Let's play again.
Let's have a good time.
Hello, Dog.
Your ankle bone is...
rather sharp.
May I make my way up your calf?
May I fondle that divine kneecap,
as well as those
beautifully slender pianist's fingers.
Those forearms that I love to explore
with the poetry of a...
of a finger salad, wandering around,
about to seize that little birdie!
No way, man. You smell like a dead rat.
You mangy dog. Go on, get away from me!
Your butt is...
Farts like that are...
They're unbelievable.
They're not normal people's farts.
Did the whole village
shit in your underwear?
Unbelievable!
You have a disease there.
Are you leaving?
You think I want to suffocate?
I didn't bring my oxygen tanks, man!
Hey, Bernard!
How are you?
Good?
Good.
So...
What does it say?
Nope, nothing.
Didn't win anything.
When is your birthday, Bernard?
December 3rd.
- December 3rd?
- Yeah.
That's a Leo, it's for July and August.
You've got to play
Sagittarius for December 3rd.
But I like Leo.
It's up to you, but you're meant
to play your star sign.
I won with Leo!
Chill, chill. It's up to you.
It doesn't matter.
See you later, Bernard!
- Hey.
- How are you?
Mirales and I are going to hang out
with some friends.
You're welcome to come.
I'd have loved to, but I'm too tired.
After the journey,
I'll just stay home and smoke a joint.
Chill.
Don't be shy.
We're alright, we're a nice bunch.
Jolly fellas.
We'll relish tonight.
I'm not shy.
So come with us.
- Maybe next time, but right now...
- Come on!
You're not in Le Pouget every day!
I've got a month!
Yes, but...
You can't miss tonight!
Things are going to happen!
I'd have to get changed.
What for?
I'm not going out in my pj's!
You're still better dressed
than everyone else.
No doubt about that.
Maybe I'll come by, then.
No, no, no, you're coming.
Don't let us down,
or on my father's grave, I'll drag you
out from your den by the collar.
See you later!
See you later! Come on.
- Nonsense!
- My carbonara has cream in it.
Same.
Always has.
I'm talking about
the traditional recipe.
You are talking about a...
A miscreant's recipe, actually.
My recipe has
five very simple ingredients:
olive oil, parmesan,
egg, pancetta and pepper. That's it.
You can't say it's not as good
with cream and bacon.
You joker!
Which of us is the chef?
Who's the chef? As of now, no one.
You're opening a restaurant,
so you think you can talk,
but who is truly a chef?
You're not a chef,
you have a certificate.
- A chef's certificate, so I'm a chef.
- A chef cooks.
You'll be a chef when you start cooking.
Now, you're nothing.
You got some nerve.
You know very well
that if I'm not cooking,
it's by choice.
I don't feel like
working in a village restaurant.
No offense or anything, but...
- I just dream bigger.
- Fuck off, then.
Instead of putting down
people who are trying to...
Completely unrelated!
I really meant no offense.
I was just wondering.
Paco, you're opening a restaurant.
You've never worked in a kitchen.
Want some?
What's the big deal?
- You don't smoke?
- No.
I never said I was a chef.
I'm starting a business.
I'll hire a chef.
I'm doing market research,
looking for a place,
going to the banks...
I'm setting up a project!
If you're interested,
I'll be very happy,
and if you're not, then never mind.
Okay, it's a business...
I'm not just winging it
because this is home.
I think it'll work.
Well, anyway.
Look, I long for your success.
- We'll see.
- I long for it.
I don't fit in...
in the environment in which I'm growing.
That's all.
Dog fits in.
He was made for growing up
in a village like this...
I know that if I stay here,
I'm going to get cancer someday,
I won't see it coming,
and my body will speak for me
and express itself.
Dog would be a good waiter for you.
Dog looks like a waiter, and...
If only he didn't want to
suck the dicks
of skinheads in cargo pants
and be this country's guard dog.
That's ambitious!
What a dream!
We'll see.
We need money, anyway.
If you have no money, you have no girl.
You have no girl...
you have no problems.
You have no problems...
you have no life. That's it.
I have Dog,
so I have problems and no life.
Imagine that!
- Are you upset?
- No.
Why aren't you talking?
Don't feel like it. I'm listening.
Don't feel like what?
I don't feel like talking.
You feel like being attractive, though.
Clearly you feel like radiating beauty,
sitting on your bench,
attracting women like a magnet.
That doesn't bother you.
Right, I'm off.
You're going?
What, you're leaving?
You're leaving?
Yeah, I'm tired.
What's at home that's better than this?
Sleep.
- Why do you want to sleep?
- I'm tired.
You've done nothing all day!
So what? I'm still tired.
Oh yeah? Are you tired of us?
Fuck that. I'm off!
Go on, then. Loser!
Little bitch!
I'm off too.
Traitor!
Judas.
See you next time!
Let's throw stones at her too!
That's my neighbor.
It's beautiful.
She's good, isn't she?
She used to do concerts.
She was famous for a while.
Mirales was taking lessons
with her at some point.
Oh yeah? Mirales?
Just for like, six months,
when he got here.
So he's not from here?
No, he's from Grenoble.
That's why he has a weird accent.
Yeah, I don't know.
Does he always act all cocky like that?
I don't know.
That's Mirales.
I thought you two
had known each other for ages.
We have.
Like, since we were 12, we...
We've been inseparable
since the sixth grade.
He really reminds me of my ex.
That's not a compliment.
Look at this.
What do you see?
Hang on.
A cloud.
A cloud?
Is that all?
Well, aren't you
brimming with imagination!
Come on!
Don't you want to play?
I don't know, do something better!
Here you go!
Stop it!
There!
Hello.
Let's go.
No, I'm not coming.
I think I'll stay.
Since when do you think? Get your coat!
Forget it. Anyway, it's cold.
Let's hang at yours, then.
What's wrong with you?
Elsa's up there.
That's why.
Did you fuck her?
Not even any fooling around?
You sly dog.
The guy comes towards me,
and he's looking for a fight, you know?
You know I don't like fighting,
so I'm trying to calm things down a bit,
and then the bouncers show up,
and Driss comes up from behind,
kicks the guy in the teeth.
So the bouncers grab me by the ponytail,
Driss is throwing punches.
We're all hitting each other,
everyone starts
fighting, punching, kicking.
So yeah, that's it.
Massive brawl. Shit went down.
- Crazy shit.
- That's it?
What did you need?
I need 60, as usual.
- Sixty?
- Yup, please.
- Here.
- Thanks, man.
It's good stuff, right?
Nah, it ain't shit, man.
Nice.
See you later!
Sit! There.
Good boy.
Sit!
Hello Antoine!
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
All good.
Hello Beefcake.
Were the biscuits to your liking?
They were lovely.
And I really liked the muscat.
You prefer them like that?
- Hello Damien!
- How are you?
Good, and you?
And you, Beefcake? I always
have something for you in my bag.
Look. There you go.
Thank you! Say thank you.
Have a nice day!
Come on, Beefcake. Come on!
Come on, Beefcake.
Have you dolled yourself up?
- No.
- You're wearing aftershave.
You saucy minx.
Here you go. Keep the change, man.
What's your biggest dream, Elsa?
I hardly know you.
I'm not gonna tell you my dreams.
We're getting to know each other.
We can share things.
Do you want to know mine?
Sure.
It's to be alone in this car with you.
Because happiness
lies in the present moment.
Why always...
go looking for happiness elsewhere
when it's always within reach?
Welcome the present moment.
Welcome it, accept it.
Appreciate the moment
you're sharing with me.
Let's enjoy it!
We're in a car, healthy and breathing.
We're chilling! We get along well.
Do we, now?
Do we not?
Are you saying you don't like me?
You're not fond of me?
Meh.
"Meh," really?
You too, Dog? "Meh"?
"Meh" what?
Do you love me?
I love everyone.
He's not okay with his love for me,
so he's including you and Beefcake.
So coy, it's touching.
Bernard!
This is Daddy's ball!
Daddy's ball, and Beefy's ball.
Beefy's ball, and Daddy's ball.
We're sharing.
Sharing is caring.
Okay then. Leave it. Sit.
Do you want to throw it?
Leave it, Beefcake!
Come on, Beefcake!
Look at the ball!
You go fetch it, okay?
Go fetch!
Fetch!
- Your dog is such an idiot!
- Don't be disrespectful.
He's so stupid.
- You can't play with him.
- He is stupid.
I know you're smart.
I do, but she's mean.
She's making up for not being
well in the head. She's in turmoil.
What's going on in there
must be very sad and very ugly,
and she's going to apologize now.
You hurt his feelings. Apologize.
I'm not apologizing to a dog.
In that case, attack!
No! Okay, okay.
Come here, Beefcake.
My deepest apologies.
There. You're ugly and stupid.
Come away from that meanie.
This is Beefy's ball
This is Beefcake's ball-y
This is Beefy's ball
This is Beefcake's ball-y
So you can make fun of him?
I'm training him, it's not the same.
And it's my dog, so I mean well.
This is Beefcake's ball-y
There.
"Beefy's Ball", his favorite song?
Music and lyrics by me, okay?
Let's sing to him.
I'll start,
as a solo,
and you sing in unison behind me.
Okay?
Your friend is crazy.
"The subtlest madness
comes from the subtlest wisdom."
Montaigne.
You're real lovebirds, huh?
If you knew all the dirty tricks
I played on him around the village,
you'd be surprised
at the creature you got your hooks into.
Come here! Beefcake!
Come in.
Here, Beefcake!
Here.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting for it to dry.
This blue's nice, isn't it?
It softens it.
You made good progress.
Hats off.
I took Dog and Beefcake for a walk.
He had so much fun.
- Who, Dog?
- No, Beefcake.
Dog isn't chasing after
tennis balls yet, unfortunately.
Didn't he have fun?
Didn't he have fun
with Daddy and Uncle Dog?
He had some tennis balls,
he messed them up, he...
ripped them apart!
I'll make some food.
Is there anything you'd like?
Leftovers from yesterday, I guess.
I don't know, she's weird.
She has a vibe.
She's sad...
Nothing, just painting...
I don't know if it's because
she doesn't show her work...
Even though it's magnificent.
But she's in a loop where she paints,
she watches her painting dry,
a million miles away,
she puts it in the storeroom,
paints another, and so on and so forth.
This has been going on
for at least three weeks.
She hasn't left the house.
It's like
she's running away from something.
She's in this state of stillness,
and it drives me mad.
Mad. I'm there,
and I don't know what to do.
She's my mom. I can't tell her,
"Your life is shit.
Get out of the house and do something.
"Don't get sucked
into a depression that will..."
It's not my place to say that.
It's not the natural order of...
Of things, you know?
Are you listening to me?
Are you listening?
What was the last thing I said?
You were talking about painting.
So I'm an idiot talking to myself?
Come on, smile!
- Let me see.
- No.
- Come on, let me see.
- No. You'll delete it.
- Come on!
- Stop it!
You're going to hurt me. Let go!
Okay, hold on. Okay, I'll...
I swear I'll show you.
But don't touch it!
Hang on a sec.
You're really handsome.
Yeah.
Yes, I got your texts.
Right now?
Okay then. On my way.
Do you have to?
He'll be pissed off if I don't go.
Guys!
- What's up?
- Hi!
Johan's coming down.
Cool.
How are you guys?
Good?
I quit smoking overnight.
I was smoking a spliff, I said,
"This is the last one,"
and it was.
But you're not trying
to put off your clients?
I'm not going
to shoot myself in the foot, bro.
Business is business.
Fair enough.
"Time is money," as the Americans say!
- How many did you need?
- Five, please.
Five bars?
Here you go.
Thanks.
Good one.
So, speaking of America,
how was your trip to Quebec?
- It was amazing.
- Was it good?
- It was great.
- It was incredible.
Except for the cold.
That's what scares me. It's chilly.
Crazy. Minus 30, minus 40.
What?
It was minus 40 one day.
No, almost.
Okay, minus 38.
Minus 40 is...
It's hell. Just not as hot.
Is Quebec far from Canada?
Are you aware of...
Of what you just said, or...?
I must be getting confused...
Do you realize the level of stupidity
of what you just said?
Maybe I'm getting mixed up with...
Listen, it's as if you'd said,
"Brittany is next to France, right?"
I don't care.
You don't care about anything,
that's the problem.
He's getting dumber and dumber
from being uninterested, uncultured...
No curiosity.
I am interested.
Interested in what?
- I don't know.
- There you go.
I hope the army
will at least help open up your...
Expand your horizons a little,
otherwise...
You've got a long way to go.
The worst part is he's smart,
but since he's so lazy, well...
It makes it tragically idiotic,
and we have this...
A happy idiot.
- Who isn't even happy.
- I am.
Are you happy?
Well, to each his own. You can't...
You can't what?
His life is eating, drinking, sleeping.
You can't say, "To each his own."
And fucking, recently.
Nicely done, Nico!
Dog, to the middle!
Again!
Go, go, go!
Lame!
Come on! On the side!
He's hogging the ball.
No one was defending!
Have you planned
the decor of your restaurant?
Charlotte's doing it.
Never mind.
I don't want to know.
Excuse me, sir.
I'm baffled to see
my friend has two forks.
Apologies, indeed.
All sorted.
That's that.
Was that you? Where did you put it?
It's magic.
Where is it?
The second magic trick is a gift.
It's the fruit of the labor
of all these guests at this table,
who dug into
the abyss of their bank accounts,
and emptied their pockets.
Here you go, brother!
- Here.
- Thanks a lot!
- I'm gonna open it.
- Go on, open it.
Look at that.
You're going to look so smart.
The tag's still on it.
The tag's still on it.
He can check how much we spent.
Dog, try it on!
No, no. Thank you very much.
Everybody chipped in,
except for one person,
the one who should be closest to you.
But you didn't ask me!
- I didn't?
- No.
We won't blame her
for not taking part.
Poor thing.
We won't blame her!
You excluded me.
Speech! Give us a speech!
Come on! Just a few sentences.
- No fucking way!
- Go on!
Be grateful to these people.
They all got together
and gave money to get you a gift,
and you just say thanks?
Give us something!
A few sentences, it's not much.
So, Elsa, what do you do in Rennes?
Me? Well...
I've just finished a master's degree
in comparative literature.
- And what are you doing now?
- Not much.
I came here to save a bit on rent.
My aunt needed someone to housesit,
water the plants, stuff like that,
so she asked me, and... Yeah.
That way, I could sublet my apartment.
I'd like to work in an arthouse cinema.
I might have a way
to work at the box office.
And also to write
the articles about the movies, or...
Is that funny?
You're on the cash register, and you...
I'd moderate debates, help with comms...
Yeah, sure.
- People do that.
- For sure.
I thought you'd give lectures
and be on the cash register.
- Maybe not lectures, but debates...
- You'd run the thing.
Exactly. I'd moderate debates, write...
I could watch the films,
since I'd be there.
So, you're a writer?
No, not really.
I wish I were! A magazine
published two of my short stories.
But... I don't know.
I don't know
what I want to do for a living.
And in comparative literature,
which authors did you study, which...
I don't think you'd know them.
So I look like a moron, do I?
No, not at all. I just...
I don't think you'd know them.
Try me. You never know.
Well, I'm studying
"Echoes and Mirrors of Classical
Versification in the Literary Prose
of Hermann Hesse."
I get it.
It's how he poeticizes his prose,
what methods he uses, right?
Yeah, kind of.
I tear through those books. For me,
Steppenwolf is really the greatest...
One of, say, five novels
that built
my literary imagination, honestly.
Narcissus and Goldmund, Siddhartha...
I can't get enough.
I have a space design diploma.
That wasn't the question, but...
- Aren't you tired of being mean?
- I'm not being mean.
It's actually love.
In fact, deep down, it's all love.
Very deep down!
Enjoy your meal, guys.
Happy birthday!
What?
Do I eat like that?
We bust our asses for a posh dinner
and that's what we get?
Eating like a dog from his bowl?
How are the people around you eating?
Like you?
Fat pig!
Wolfing it down.
Don't you feel any...
Don't stuff your face!
It's as if you hadn't eaten in years.
You make everyone else sick!
- Let him be.
- But he needs to understand.
Be grateful
to those trying to please you.
I've lost my appetite now,
because of you.
Appreciate it, savor it,
you know, with finesse.
Can't you do that?
- I need to pee.
- You deserve a slap.
Why don't you leave him alone?
Was I talking to you?
- I asked you a question.
- Was I talking to you?
I'm talking to you.
You have nothing to say without him.
Well, first of all, shut the fuck up.
- Mirales, leave it.
- Secondly... Hold on.
You've been with him for two minutes
and three blowjobs.
You don't know him.
- Calm down.
- Hold on.
I've known him for 15 years.
I know who he is, okay?
You don't.
I leave him for two weeks,
I find him dead and rotting
on the side of the road,
so don't even go there.
Those two have ruined my meal!
We leave you for two weeks,
where do we find you?
I'd be at yours,
ready to whack a nice phalanx salad
into your stupid little face.
In your literature classes,
didn't they teach you
not to judge a book by its cover?
That's pretty basic.
Those two were made for each other!
Come on, Beefcake!
Sit. Sit. Beefcake!
No, leave it! Sit!
What did Daddy say?
What did Daddy say, Beefcake?
What did I say?
Go on, eat.
Yeah, I was a cutie.
Look how my parents dressed me.
Are you laughing at me?
You were so young.
- Which one's you?
- That's me.
- You look scared.
- I'm the best. Look.
Hold on.
Who's that?
My ex.
Let me see.
I'm not gonna show you my ex.
Show me.
Stop it, I'm not going to show you.
Show me a picture of your ex, then.
I don't know if I have any.
Seriously?
How old is she?
She's 70.
She's a pianist.
A very good one.
Bullshit.
Am I interrupting?
No.
It looks like I am. I can leave.
No, no. All good.
Keep talking.
I ain't stopping anyone from talking.
You can't bitch about me
so you've got nothing left to say?
Come on, Mirales.
If you want me to go, I'll go.
You tell me. Simple.
If you're here to stir shit up,
just go home.
- I'm stirring shit up?
- Yeah.
Am I, Dog?
Your boyfriend says I ain't.
Get lost.
Show some respect.
You're looking for trouble.
What do you want?
Don't raise your voice to me.
Don't raise your voice.
What are you going to do?
Huh? Slap me?
Fuck you and fuck you.
I'll leave when I want to.
Don't you tell me to get lost.
I'll leave when I want to.
Fuck...
Don't you have anything to say?
Right, I'm off too.
Hey, you good?
Where's your friend?
- I'm talking to you!
- Well, I'm not.
Tell your buddy
I'd better not run into him.
Go tell him yourself.
I'm not a message carrier.
It wasn't him. He tried to stop it.
Had a falling-out?
No falling-out. He's letting a chick
nibble on his brains.
I don't know.
What?
He's letting a chick
nibble on his brains. It's his life.
Oh, he's in love?
In love, yeah...
Put it like that if you want.
That's awesome, bro.
You must be happy for him.
Delighted.
He's enjoying life.
That's no reason to ghost your pals.
You're in love, not gone.
You're not meant to...
He's not ghosting you.
He's got time for her, and time for you.
Come here.
What about you, with the girls?
How are you doing?
Girls, for me, I already told you...
Come on.
What?
I want...
What?
I want a girl
with whom I can create a bubble...
You don't even know what you want, bro!
I'm telling you, if there's one thing
I do know, it's how I want her to be.
Honest, faithful, beautiful...
I want a diamond in the rough.
I don't want some scum that
I picked up by the side of the road.
You're crazy. That doesn't exist.
- What?
- Every girl has good and bad traits.
I want a woman I'll be buried with.
Intertwined in the same coffin.
I want that or nothing.
You're nuts. That doesn't exist.
- How so?
- You know nothing about women.
And yet, you want to find
a woman to bury yourself with.
That or nothing. I don't want to...
Buried with my wife.
Beefcake!
Come on, Beefcake!
Come here. Drop.
Sit. Sit, Beefcake. Sit.
What did I say?
Cat video or dog video?
Oh, that's cruel! I can't choose...
You must choose.
That's one of the essential questions
for a Western human being
to affirm their identity.
Asterix or Tintin?
Freud or Jung?
The Rolling Stones or The Beatles?
Was it good?
It's weird with no cream.
Don't you like it?
What? Would you rather I lied to you?
I like it better with cream.
That doesn't mean it's bad.
Next time, you can cook.
That way, you'll be happy.
Imagine you painted something,
and I was like, "No, it's too cakey.
"It's too red, too blue."
Would you like that?
Who is that?
It's nothing. It's no one.
You're not with me right now, it sucks.
Come on, it's nothing.
My boyfriend's being a pain.
My ex-boyfriend, I mean.
Sorry. I said my ex-boyfriend.
You have an annoying ex-boyfriend too.
I'm sorry, really!
Oh my God, I made a mistake, okay?
I'm gonna take a shower.
With your phone?
It's waterproof.
Come on.
- When do you start renovating?
- Hopefully next week.
Oh yeah? Next week...
Everything's ready. Charlotte
drew it all in 3D with her software.
Real beautiful stuff.
Is it expensive?
To renovate the whole thing?
It's not too bad.
We'll need workers, but...
We'll be alright.
Nice.
It's bigger than it seems.
It goes up to both drainpipes.
It's an L shape inside.
The room goes round, under the stairs.
The kitchen is opposite us, at the back.
- I can't get all of my hair.
- Yeah, it's nasty.
Fuck you.
- What will you name it?
- Chez Paco. Very simple.
Didn't I tell you?
We're going to get stuff printed.
Got anything to smoke?
Aren't you with your partner?
Just tell me if you've got anything.
Come in.
- Hello, Mrs. Dufour.
- Hello, Antoine.
- How are you?
- Good, and you?
I'm good. I'm just stopping by
to get my biscuit tin.
Sure. I'll get it.
Thank you.
Here it is.
Here.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Would you mind...
playing a little piano for me?
- What do you want me to play?
- Whatever you like.
These days, I'm working on
the finale of The Tempest.
There's that son of a bitch
from last time.
- That's him?
- This guy?
Let's put the squeeze on him.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Hey.
My girl's here. Wait, wait.
You wanted to fuck her?
She's right here.
Did you know he wants to fuck me?
You're lucky your girl's here.
I'd have destroyed you.
Okay, chill out.
Apologize or I'll end you.
I'll end you. I'll destroy you.
Needle dick.
Fuck off!
Today's your lucky day!
Stop acting tough.
Bang, bang! Get outta here, you idiot!
Get lost! Try not to shit yourself!
Sorry.
What time tonight?
Dog, I want to break up.
Here.
Cool, but I asked for 100 grams.
- You think I'm a moron?
- No, not at all.
Why do you want more?
'Cause Driss and I
are gonna smoke together.
Gimme the money.
Seriously?
Driss, my ass.
So it's not for Dog?
No, it's for Driss and me.
Sure! Bullshit!
I swear!
It's for his girl, who goes through him,
who goes through you.
Go fuck yourselves!
- Are you serious?
- Yep!
84, but we can make two.
Why all these lights?
Can you give me the small one?
Hey, Bernard!
How are you doing?
Good.
Good? All fine?
So?
Dunno.
What does it say?
- You didn't win anything.
- Oh shit.
Nothing.
I told you before. Look, it's a Leo.
Play a Sagittarius, for December.
I've told you several times.
I'm gonna buy you
your first Sagittarius.
Stay, Beefcake!
Sit, stay!
There you go!
Sagittarius!
Here.
I got us one each.
I got one for Beefcake.
He was born on April 13th, let's see.
Okay...
Here.
What did you get?
You lost. Shame.
Ah shit.
No big deal.
Last one. Hang on, let's see mine.
Did you win?
I lost too, I think.
Here you go.
Beefcake, you're our last chance.
Concentrate.
Show us what it's like
to be a proud Aries.
Bernard, send Beefcake good vibes.
- Lost?
- Lost!
Hey, you lost!
It's the taking part that counts.
You didn't make dinner?
No.
What are we going to eat?
I don't know.
Never mind. I won't eat.
Thanks.
Don't eat then.
You've reached Damien's voicemail.
Please leave a message.
Sit!
Stay!
A pack of lights, please.
Here you go.
Thanks. Have a good evening.
Olivier Giroud has found
his successor in Elye Wahi.
Savanier!
Oh, great reflexes from Donnaruma!
Marquinhos...
What are you doing?
Nothing. Gaming.
Elsa's not here?
No.
Let's talk.
Anything to say?
What should I say?
I'm not telling you what to say,
I'm asking if you have anything to say.
I don't know.
So if I don't say anything,
you don't say anything either?
I do.
No, you don't.
Is it annoying to be around me?
No.
Seems like it.
Do you like spending time with me?
Yes.
You don't mind hanging out with someone
who talks to himself all day long?
- You're not...
- Shut up.
I'm spitting words at a wall
that doesn't throw them back.
You tell me to say something...
If I told you to go to hell,
would you go?
If I said, "Jump out the window,"
would you?
Is this because of Elsa?
Not at all. I'm very happy for you.
Are you, like, in love?
Yeah.
Right...
You'll have to explain
how it's possible
to lie to yourself to that extent.
She doesn't give a fuck about you.
How can you even think
she could be in love
with a birdbrain like you?
Next month, she'll be home
with her perfect boyfriend,
her perfect life...
Wonderful.
And you'll be left with nothing,
like the underdog you are.
That's how it is.
You should learn to love your friends.
What are you mumbling about?
You think I don't love you?
Don't get mixed up.
I'm not your friend, I'm your brother.
We can tear each other apart,
I'll always be your brother.
And if there's one girl...
Don't talk about girls.
You've never been with a girl.
Don't talk about girls.
I don't need you.
Go, then.
Fuck off.
If you don't need me.
You're good, Franois.
- Hey, Dimitri!
- Yo!
All good?
Yeah, I'm fine. All good.
He has to go to the vet.
- What's wrong?
- Franois is constipated.
What's new?
Just the daily hassle, but I'm good.
Tell me, bro.
You know that guy
that was here with his girl?
That guy I gave a warning to.
Dog?
- That's his name?
- Yeah.
Why?
Don't worry about it.
- Want some help?
- No, it's fine. I'll manage.
Okay then. See ya, bro!
He doesn't have a job,
he won't get a job...
Staying home and jerking off.
Welfare, bro. Welfare.
Who's this, then?
Hey guys. You good?
All good? Doing okay?
Do you know Dog?
What do you want with Dog?
Is he serious?
- What do you want?
- What do I want?
- What's the matter?
- Give me your bag.
Get your phone and call Dog.
Or I'm gonna grab your ponytail
and fuck you up.
Got it?
- Call him.
- Fine.
You, sit.
- Me?
- I said sit.
- Are you calling him?
- Yeah.
So?
Where's your boyfriend Dog?
You good?
I'm not interrupting?
Cool. No, it's, uh...
I'm with Driss,
and we wanted you to come...
We're in a bit of a mess.
Can you come to the fountain?
It can't wait. Please.
Come on, please. I swear it's important,
or I wouldn't call you.
Thanks man, you're the best.
- Done?
- He's coming.
Why do you have a ponytail?
Dunno. I like it.
That's my hairstyle.
Finding yourself, are you?
No... I'm... No.
Give me your blade.
I vote we cut off his gay ponytail.
What do you think?
- What do we do?
- I'd love to.
- What do you think?
- Chill, guys...
That's not all I could cut off.
His ponytail and his puny dick.
Easy, man.
I hope he's coming, for your sake!
There he is!
Come here, you bastard!
Wait, where are you?
Where are you?
Look, there he is!
End him!
Stop!
Who's the bitch now, huh?
Who's the bitch now?
Kill that fucking junkyard dog!
Finish him!
Finish him, Dimitri!
Get the fuck off him!
Get your knife, Matthieu!
Fuck you!
What are you gonna do?
Don't act clever with me!
That's why I started smoking.
- What?
- To stop dreaming.
The night before my dad died,
I dreamt of him dying in a car accident.
And right away,
I told myself it was just a dream.
The next day,
I got home and saw my mom in tears.
Understood right away.
And then I couldn't tell myself
that it wasn't my fault.
I dreamt about it, and that was that.
I started smoking like a motherfucker.
You know, Montaigne said:
"All of the days go toward death
and the last one arrives there."
Said it all.
This is Beefy's ball
This is Beefcake's ball-y
Hey bro. I figured I'd send you a video
'cause I found something on the floor.
So, hold on,
I just need to find it again.
Hang on. There it is.
Don't tell me you didn't look.
So, since we haven't seen
each other for a while,
I'm voting not hard.
And I'm voting very hard!
So that's an average of medium-hard.
So, when I see you,
I owe you one, asshole.
Bye, buddy.
Quit being tired!
Come on, let's go out!
We keep asking
and you're never up for it.
You're not even replying.
You don't care.
You talk about girls
but you don't wanna go clubbing.
Hey, Bernard!
Honestly, I mean,
if you could get me a commis chef...
How is everything?
Great. Thanks.
Thank you.
- I need this right away.
- I'm on my own here!
At least these two here. Leave that.
What's that? Table 3?
- Wait one sec.
- Right now.
What have you done?
What's wrong
with Beefcake's eye?
- I didn't look.
- You did!
I vote very hard.
- And the others?
- Not hard at all.
- Not hard at all?
- Hard.
- Very hard.
- Not hard, poor thing.
Medium-hard.
Beefcake, what's your vote?
Fist bump?
Fist bump is hard. There.
Fist bump is hard,
so on average, that's...
medium-hard.
I didn't look.
Why are you lying?
Look me in the eye.
Act like a man.
If you didn't look, say
"Mirales, you're crazy, I didn't look."
If you did, own it and say,
"Yes, I looked. So what?"
I didn't look though.
The way you keep saying that
makes me want to hit you.
Always remember the Montaigne quote
I told you last time:
"I do myself a greater injury in lying
than I do him of whom I tell a lie."
Into position, please...
- I didn't look.
- to receive the rightful sentence!
Sure.
Hold on.
Aight, we're on our way.
Aight, see ya.
I'm keeping to my word.
Don't worry, I'm keeping to my word.
Come on, let's go.
Beefcake, come here!
Bye guys!
Be good, my little Beefy.
Daddy will be back soon.
Dog, don't pet him.
If he scratches you, it's gonna hurt.
Franois isn't well.
I changed his kibble, poor thing...
Your recipe didn't work.
- It didn't work?
- It really didn't.
He gets close to the bowl,
sniffs it, and...
just leaves.
Cats are crazy though.
Huh, my little Franois?
- Want a refill, bro?
- Sure.
What's up with you?
You had at least five beers earlier.
- Let him be!
- No way.
I'm okay!
Are you? Top him up.
- Stop encouraging him!
- Top him up!
You're supposed to be
the voice of reason.
If he wants to...
How much do you want? 100 or 200?
Make it 200.
- Just don't fall asleep.
- Relax.
Have I ever fallen asleep?
Sometimes you get close.
Don't push it.
No slandering, please, sir.
Right, are we off?
Fuck...
Good evening!
What are you looking at?
Think you're pretty, do you?
What's your problem?
What the fuck do you want?
Think you scare me?
Go home to your mom!
Why are you talking to me?
Get out of my sight!
- Who even are you?
- Have you lost it?
Go find your mom, she'll teach you!
Loser! You better watch it!
JUNKYARD DOG
Come on, get in the car.
Beefcake!
Come for a walk with Daddy! Let's go!
No! Leave it!
Let's go!
- See you.
- See you.
Wait for me.
Come on.
Beefcake!
Sit.
Stay.
How are you, Mrs. Dufour?
Hello Antoine!
How are you?
I made you some biscuits.
Did you?
I was a bit heavy-handed
with the muscat, but they're good.
That's nice, thank you.
- Do you want a coffee?
- Can't stop, sorry.
I'll be back.
They last for five days in the cupboard.
They'll be gone before then!
Perfect. Have a nice day!
Come on, Beefcake.
Beefcake, stay!
Beefcake, come back!
You've reached Damien's voicemail.
Please leave a message.
Yeah, it's me. I'm downstairs.
If you're not dead, call me.
If you are dead...
Say hi to Satan,
tell him I'll be there soon.
See you later.
- Hello. Where are you going?
- Le Pouget.
I live there. Get in!
Thank you.
They're heading
for a nice, controlled victory.
That's a good recovery.
- Oh man...
- Boom!
Come on, let's move.
No, let's play again.
We're rotting in here like slobs.
Let's go for a walk or something.
I don't feel like it.
You're so annoying.
Can't you compromise for me, man?
A little compromise for me?
I'll make a compromise for you.
We'll sit
and stare at each other all day.
Sounds real fun.
We're going to spend
a memorable day like...
two doddery old men,
bedridden in a nursing home.
Waiting for death together.
Who is it?
A girl I gave a ride to earlier.
A hitchhiker? You're picking up girls
and not even telling me?
I'm telling you now.
Aight, tell her to come over tonight.
We can hang out.
Yeah, I'll text her later.
Cool.
And there's the goal.
What a perfect strike.
Right in the back of the net.
If I were a woman, would you...
Would you think...
Imagine me, my face,
my eyes, my features,
my body, just with two well-placed
little protrusions, would you...
Could you potentially desire
a woman like me?
- No.
- What?
I'll help you.
Imagine that I'm slowly
moving towards you, like this...
Let's play again.
Let's have a good time.
Hello, Dog.
Your ankle bone is...
rather sharp.
May I make my way up your calf?
May I fondle that divine kneecap,
as well as those
beautifully slender pianist's fingers.
Those forearms that I love to explore
with the poetry of a...
of a finger salad, wandering around,
about to seize that little birdie!
No way, man. You smell like a dead rat.
You mangy dog. Go on, get away from me!
Your butt is...
Farts like that are...
They're unbelievable.
They're not normal people's farts.
Did the whole village
shit in your underwear?
Unbelievable!
You have a disease there.
Are you leaving?
You think I want to suffocate?
I didn't bring my oxygen tanks, man!
Hey, Bernard!
How are you?
Good?
Good.
So...
What does it say?
Nope, nothing.
Didn't win anything.
When is your birthday, Bernard?
December 3rd.
- December 3rd?
- Yeah.
That's a Leo, it's for July and August.
You've got to play
Sagittarius for December 3rd.
But I like Leo.
It's up to you, but you're meant
to play your star sign.
I won with Leo!
Chill, chill. It's up to you.
It doesn't matter.
See you later, Bernard!
- Hey.
- How are you?
Mirales and I are going to hang out
with some friends.
You're welcome to come.
I'd have loved to, but I'm too tired.
After the journey,
I'll just stay home and smoke a joint.
Chill.
Don't be shy.
We're alright, we're a nice bunch.
Jolly fellas.
We'll relish tonight.
I'm not shy.
So come with us.
- Maybe next time, but right now...
- Come on!
You're not in Le Pouget every day!
I've got a month!
Yes, but...
You can't miss tonight!
Things are going to happen!
I'd have to get changed.
What for?
I'm not going out in my pj's!
You're still better dressed
than everyone else.
No doubt about that.
Maybe I'll come by, then.
No, no, no, you're coming.
Don't let us down,
or on my father's grave, I'll drag you
out from your den by the collar.
See you later!
See you later! Come on.
- Nonsense!
- My carbonara has cream in it.
Same.
Always has.
I'm talking about
the traditional recipe.
You are talking about a...
A miscreant's recipe, actually.
My recipe has
five very simple ingredients:
olive oil, parmesan,
egg, pancetta and pepper. That's it.
You can't say it's not as good
with cream and bacon.
You joker!
Which of us is the chef?
Who's the chef? As of now, no one.
You're opening a restaurant,
so you think you can talk,
but who is truly a chef?
You're not a chef,
you have a certificate.
- A chef's certificate, so I'm a chef.
- A chef cooks.
You'll be a chef when you start cooking.
Now, you're nothing.
You got some nerve.
You know very well
that if I'm not cooking,
it's by choice.
I don't feel like
working in a village restaurant.
No offense or anything, but...
- I just dream bigger.
- Fuck off, then.
Instead of putting down
people who are trying to...
Completely unrelated!
I really meant no offense.
I was just wondering.
Paco, you're opening a restaurant.
You've never worked in a kitchen.
Want some?
What's the big deal?
- You don't smoke?
- No.
I never said I was a chef.
I'm starting a business.
I'll hire a chef.
I'm doing market research,
looking for a place,
going to the banks...
I'm setting up a project!
If you're interested,
I'll be very happy,
and if you're not, then never mind.
Okay, it's a business...
I'm not just winging it
because this is home.
I think it'll work.
Well, anyway.
Look, I long for your success.
- We'll see.
- I long for it.
I don't fit in...
in the environment in which I'm growing.
That's all.
Dog fits in.
He was made for growing up
in a village like this...
I know that if I stay here,
I'm going to get cancer someday,
I won't see it coming,
and my body will speak for me
and express itself.
Dog would be a good waiter for you.
Dog looks like a waiter, and...
If only he didn't want to
suck the dicks
of skinheads in cargo pants
and be this country's guard dog.
That's ambitious!
What a dream!
We'll see.
We need money, anyway.
If you have no money, you have no girl.
You have no girl...
you have no problems.
You have no problems...
you have no life. That's it.
I have Dog,
so I have problems and no life.
Imagine that!
- Are you upset?
- No.
Why aren't you talking?
Don't feel like it. I'm listening.
Don't feel like what?
I don't feel like talking.
You feel like being attractive, though.
Clearly you feel like radiating beauty,
sitting on your bench,
attracting women like a magnet.
That doesn't bother you.
Right, I'm off.
You're going?
What, you're leaving?
You're leaving?
Yeah, I'm tired.
What's at home that's better than this?
Sleep.
- Why do you want to sleep?
- I'm tired.
You've done nothing all day!
So what? I'm still tired.
Oh yeah? Are you tired of us?
Fuck that. I'm off!
Go on, then. Loser!
Little bitch!
I'm off too.
Traitor!
Judas.
See you next time!
Let's throw stones at her too!
That's my neighbor.
It's beautiful.
She's good, isn't she?
She used to do concerts.
She was famous for a while.
Mirales was taking lessons
with her at some point.
Oh yeah? Mirales?
Just for like, six months,
when he got here.
So he's not from here?
No, he's from Grenoble.
That's why he has a weird accent.
Yeah, I don't know.
Does he always act all cocky like that?
I don't know.
That's Mirales.
I thought you two
had known each other for ages.
We have.
Like, since we were 12, we...
We've been inseparable
since the sixth grade.
He really reminds me of my ex.
That's not a compliment.
Look at this.
What do you see?
Hang on.
A cloud.
A cloud?
Is that all?
Well, aren't you
brimming with imagination!
Come on!
Don't you want to play?
I don't know, do something better!
Here you go!
Stop it!
There!
Hello.
Let's go.
No, I'm not coming.
I think I'll stay.
Since when do you think? Get your coat!
Forget it. Anyway, it's cold.
Let's hang at yours, then.
What's wrong with you?
Elsa's up there.
That's why.
Did you fuck her?
Not even any fooling around?
You sly dog.
The guy comes towards me,
and he's looking for a fight, you know?
You know I don't like fighting,
so I'm trying to calm things down a bit,
and then the bouncers show up,
and Driss comes up from behind,
kicks the guy in the teeth.
So the bouncers grab me by the ponytail,
Driss is throwing punches.
We're all hitting each other,
everyone starts
fighting, punching, kicking.
So yeah, that's it.
Massive brawl. Shit went down.
- Crazy shit.
- That's it?
What did you need?
I need 60, as usual.
- Sixty?
- Yup, please.
- Here.
- Thanks, man.
It's good stuff, right?
Nah, it ain't shit, man.
Nice.
See you later!
Sit! There.
Good boy.
Sit!
Hello Antoine!
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
All good.
Hello Beefcake.
Were the biscuits to your liking?
They were lovely.
And I really liked the muscat.
You prefer them like that?
- Hello Damien!
- How are you?
Good, and you?
And you, Beefcake? I always
have something for you in my bag.
Look. There you go.
Thank you! Say thank you.
Have a nice day!
Come on, Beefcake. Come on!
Come on, Beefcake.
Have you dolled yourself up?
- No.
- You're wearing aftershave.
You saucy minx.
Here you go. Keep the change, man.
What's your biggest dream, Elsa?
I hardly know you.
I'm not gonna tell you my dreams.
We're getting to know each other.
We can share things.
Do you want to know mine?
Sure.
It's to be alone in this car with you.
Because happiness
lies in the present moment.
Why always...
go looking for happiness elsewhere
when it's always within reach?
Welcome the present moment.
Welcome it, accept it.
Appreciate the moment
you're sharing with me.
Let's enjoy it!
We're in a car, healthy and breathing.
We're chilling! We get along well.
Do we, now?
Do we not?
Are you saying you don't like me?
You're not fond of me?
Meh.
"Meh," really?
You too, Dog? "Meh"?
"Meh" what?
Do you love me?
I love everyone.
He's not okay with his love for me,
so he's including you and Beefcake.
So coy, it's touching.
Bernard!
This is Daddy's ball!
Daddy's ball, and Beefy's ball.
Beefy's ball, and Daddy's ball.
We're sharing.
Sharing is caring.
Okay then. Leave it. Sit.
Do you want to throw it?
Leave it, Beefcake!
Come on, Beefcake!
Look at the ball!
You go fetch it, okay?
Go fetch!
Fetch!
- Your dog is such an idiot!
- Don't be disrespectful.
He's so stupid.
- You can't play with him.
- He is stupid.
I know you're smart.
I do, but she's mean.
She's making up for not being
well in the head. She's in turmoil.
What's going on in there
must be very sad and very ugly,
and she's going to apologize now.
You hurt his feelings. Apologize.
I'm not apologizing to a dog.
In that case, attack!
No! Okay, okay.
Come here, Beefcake.
My deepest apologies.
There. You're ugly and stupid.
Come away from that meanie.
This is Beefy's ball
This is Beefcake's ball-y
This is Beefy's ball
This is Beefcake's ball-y
So you can make fun of him?
I'm training him, it's not the same.
And it's my dog, so I mean well.
This is Beefcake's ball-y
There.
"Beefy's Ball", his favorite song?
Music and lyrics by me, okay?
Let's sing to him.
I'll start,
as a solo,
and you sing in unison behind me.
Okay?
Your friend is crazy.
"The subtlest madness
comes from the subtlest wisdom."
Montaigne.
You're real lovebirds, huh?
If you knew all the dirty tricks
I played on him around the village,
you'd be surprised
at the creature you got your hooks into.
Come here! Beefcake!
Come in.
Here, Beefcake!
Here.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting for it to dry.
This blue's nice, isn't it?
It softens it.
You made good progress.
Hats off.
I took Dog and Beefcake for a walk.
He had so much fun.
- Who, Dog?
- No, Beefcake.
Dog isn't chasing after
tennis balls yet, unfortunately.
Didn't he have fun?
Didn't he have fun
with Daddy and Uncle Dog?
He had some tennis balls,
he messed them up, he...
ripped them apart!
I'll make some food.
Is there anything you'd like?
Leftovers from yesterday, I guess.
I don't know, she's weird.
She has a vibe.
She's sad...
Nothing, just painting...
I don't know if it's because
she doesn't show her work...
Even though it's magnificent.
But she's in a loop where she paints,
she watches her painting dry,
a million miles away,
she puts it in the storeroom,
paints another, and so on and so forth.
This has been going on
for at least three weeks.
She hasn't left the house.
It's like
she's running away from something.
She's in this state of stillness,
and it drives me mad.
Mad. I'm there,
and I don't know what to do.
She's my mom. I can't tell her,
"Your life is shit.
Get out of the house and do something.
"Don't get sucked
into a depression that will..."
It's not my place to say that.
It's not the natural order of...
Of things, you know?
Are you listening to me?
Are you listening?
What was the last thing I said?
You were talking about painting.
So I'm an idiot talking to myself?
Come on, smile!
- Let me see.
- No.
- Come on, let me see.
- No. You'll delete it.
- Come on!
- Stop it!
You're going to hurt me. Let go!
Okay, hold on. Okay, I'll...
I swear I'll show you.
But don't touch it!
Hang on a sec.
You're really handsome.
Yeah.
Yes, I got your texts.
Right now?
Okay then. On my way.
Do you have to?
He'll be pissed off if I don't go.
Guys!
- What's up?
- Hi!
Johan's coming down.
Cool.
How are you guys?
Good?
I quit smoking overnight.
I was smoking a spliff, I said,
"This is the last one,"
and it was.
But you're not trying
to put off your clients?
I'm not going
to shoot myself in the foot, bro.
Business is business.
Fair enough.
"Time is money," as the Americans say!
- How many did you need?
- Five, please.
Five bars?
Here you go.
Thanks.
Good one.
So, speaking of America,
how was your trip to Quebec?
- It was amazing.
- Was it good?
- It was great.
- It was incredible.
Except for the cold.
That's what scares me. It's chilly.
Crazy. Minus 30, minus 40.
What?
It was minus 40 one day.
No, almost.
Okay, minus 38.
Minus 40 is...
It's hell. Just not as hot.
Is Quebec far from Canada?
Are you aware of...
Of what you just said, or...?
I must be getting confused...
Do you realize the level of stupidity
of what you just said?
Maybe I'm getting mixed up with...
Listen, it's as if you'd said,
"Brittany is next to France, right?"
I don't care.
You don't care about anything,
that's the problem.
He's getting dumber and dumber
from being uninterested, uncultured...
No curiosity.
I am interested.
Interested in what?
- I don't know.
- There you go.
I hope the army
will at least help open up your...
Expand your horizons a little,
otherwise...
You've got a long way to go.
The worst part is he's smart,
but since he's so lazy, well...
It makes it tragically idiotic,
and we have this...
A happy idiot.
- Who isn't even happy.
- I am.
Are you happy?
Well, to each his own. You can't...
You can't what?
His life is eating, drinking, sleeping.
You can't say, "To each his own."
And fucking, recently.
Nicely done, Nico!
Dog, to the middle!
Again!
Go, go, go!
Lame!
Come on! On the side!
He's hogging the ball.
No one was defending!
Have you planned
the decor of your restaurant?
Charlotte's doing it.
Never mind.
I don't want to know.
Excuse me, sir.
I'm baffled to see
my friend has two forks.
Apologies, indeed.
All sorted.
That's that.
Was that you? Where did you put it?
It's magic.
Where is it?
The second magic trick is a gift.
It's the fruit of the labor
of all these guests at this table,
who dug into
the abyss of their bank accounts,
and emptied their pockets.
Here you go, brother!
- Here.
- Thanks a lot!
- I'm gonna open it.
- Go on, open it.
Look at that.
You're going to look so smart.
The tag's still on it.
The tag's still on it.
He can check how much we spent.
Dog, try it on!
No, no. Thank you very much.
Everybody chipped in,
except for one person,
the one who should be closest to you.
But you didn't ask me!
- I didn't?
- No.
We won't blame her
for not taking part.
Poor thing.
We won't blame her!
You excluded me.
Speech! Give us a speech!
Come on! Just a few sentences.
- No fucking way!
- Go on!
Be grateful to these people.
They all got together
and gave money to get you a gift,
and you just say thanks?
Give us something!
A few sentences, it's not much.
So, Elsa, what do you do in Rennes?
Me? Well...
I've just finished a master's degree
in comparative literature.
- And what are you doing now?
- Not much.
I came here to save a bit on rent.
My aunt needed someone to housesit,
water the plants, stuff like that,
so she asked me, and... Yeah.
That way, I could sublet my apartment.
I'd like to work in an arthouse cinema.
I might have a way
to work at the box office.
And also to write
the articles about the movies, or...
Is that funny?
You're on the cash register, and you...
I'd moderate debates, help with comms...
Yeah, sure.
- People do that.
- For sure.
I thought you'd give lectures
and be on the cash register.
- Maybe not lectures, but debates...
- You'd run the thing.
Exactly. I'd moderate debates, write...
I could watch the films,
since I'd be there.
So, you're a writer?
No, not really.
I wish I were! A magazine
published two of my short stories.
But... I don't know.
I don't know
what I want to do for a living.
And in comparative literature,
which authors did you study, which...
I don't think you'd know them.
So I look like a moron, do I?
No, not at all. I just...
I don't think you'd know them.
Try me. You never know.
Well, I'm studying
"Echoes and Mirrors of Classical
Versification in the Literary Prose
of Hermann Hesse."
I get it.
It's how he poeticizes his prose,
what methods he uses, right?
Yeah, kind of.
I tear through those books. For me,
Steppenwolf is really the greatest...
One of, say, five novels
that built
my literary imagination, honestly.
Narcissus and Goldmund, Siddhartha...
I can't get enough.
I have a space design diploma.
That wasn't the question, but...
- Aren't you tired of being mean?
- I'm not being mean.
It's actually love.
In fact, deep down, it's all love.
Very deep down!
Enjoy your meal, guys.
Happy birthday!
What?
Do I eat like that?
We bust our asses for a posh dinner
and that's what we get?
Eating like a dog from his bowl?
How are the people around you eating?
Like you?
Fat pig!
Wolfing it down.
Don't you feel any...
Don't stuff your face!
It's as if you hadn't eaten in years.
You make everyone else sick!
- Let him be.
- But he needs to understand.
Be grateful
to those trying to please you.
I've lost my appetite now,
because of you.
Appreciate it, savor it,
you know, with finesse.
Can't you do that?
- I need to pee.
- You deserve a slap.
Why don't you leave him alone?
Was I talking to you?
- I asked you a question.
- Was I talking to you?
I'm talking to you.
You have nothing to say without him.
Well, first of all, shut the fuck up.
- Mirales, leave it.
- Secondly... Hold on.
You've been with him for two minutes
and three blowjobs.
You don't know him.
- Calm down.
- Hold on.
I've known him for 15 years.
I know who he is, okay?
You don't.
I leave him for two weeks,
I find him dead and rotting
on the side of the road,
so don't even go there.
Those two have ruined my meal!
We leave you for two weeks,
where do we find you?
I'd be at yours,
ready to whack a nice phalanx salad
into your stupid little face.
In your literature classes,
didn't they teach you
not to judge a book by its cover?
That's pretty basic.
Those two were made for each other!
Come on, Beefcake!
Sit. Sit. Beefcake!
No, leave it! Sit!
What did Daddy say?
What did Daddy say, Beefcake?
What did I say?
Go on, eat.
Yeah, I was a cutie.
Look how my parents dressed me.
Are you laughing at me?
You were so young.
- Which one's you?
- That's me.
- You look scared.
- I'm the best. Look.
Hold on.
Who's that?
My ex.
Let me see.
I'm not gonna show you my ex.
Show me.
Stop it, I'm not going to show you.
Show me a picture of your ex, then.
I don't know if I have any.
Seriously?
How old is she?
She's 70.
She's a pianist.
A very good one.
Bullshit.
Am I interrupting?
No.
It looks like I am. I can leave.
No, no. All good.
Keep talking.
I ain't stopping anyone from talking.
You can't bitch about me
so you've got nothing left to say?
Come on, Mirales.
If you want me to go, I'll go.
You tell me. Simple.
If you're here to stir shit up,
just go home.
- I'm stirring shit up?
- Yeah.
Am I, Dog?
Your boyfriend says I ain't.
Get lost.
Show some respect.
You're looking for trouble.
What do you want?
Don't raise your voice to me.
Don't raise your voice.
What are you going to do?
Huh? Slap me?
Fuck you and fuck you.
I'll leave when I want to.
Don't you tell me to get lost.
I'll leave when I want to.
Fuck...
Don't you have anything to say?
Right, I'm off too.
Hey, you good?
Where's your friend?
- I'm talking to you!
- Well, I'm not.
Tell your buddy
I'd better not run into him.
Go tell him yourself.
I'm not a message carrier.
It wasn't him. He tried to stop it.
Had a falling-out?
No falling-out. He's letting a chick
nibble on his brains.
I don't know.
What?
He's letting a chick
nibble on his brains. It's his life.
Oh, he's in love?
In love, yeah...
Put it like that if you want.
That's awesome, bro.
You must be happy for him.
Delighted.
He's enjoying life.
That's no reason to ghost your pals.
You're in love, not gone.
You're not meant to...
He's not ghosting you.
He's got time for her, and time for you.
Come here.
What about you, with the girls?
How are you doing?
Girls, for me, I already told you...
Come on.
What?
I want...
What?
I want a girl
with whom I can create a bubble...
You don't even know what you want, bro!
I'm telling you, if there's one thing
I do know, it's how I want her to be.
Honest, faithful, beautiful...
I want a diamond in the rough.
I don't want some scum that
I picked up by the side of the road.
You're crazy. That doesn't exist.
- What?
- Every girl has good and bad traits.
I want a woman I'll be buried with.
Intertwined in the same coffin.
I want that or nothing.
You're nuts. That doesn't exist.
- How so?
- You know nothing about women.
And yet, you want to find
a woman to bury yourself with.
That or nothing. I don't want to...
Buried with my wife.
Beefcake!
Come on, Beefcake!
Come here. Drop.
Sit. Sit, Beefcake. Sit.
What did I say?
Cat video or dog video?
Oh, that's cruel! I can't choose...
You must choose.
That's one of the essential questions
for a Western human being
to affirm their identity.
Asterix or Tintin?
Freud or Jung?
The Rolling Stones or The Beatles?
Was it good?
It's weird with no cream.
Don't you like it?
What? Would you rather I lied to you?
I like it better with cream.
That doesn't mean it's bad.
Next time, you can cook.
That way, you'll be happy.
Imagine you painted something,
and I was like, "No, it's too cakey.
"It's too red, too blue."
Would you like that?
Who is that?
It's nothing. It's no one.
You're not with me right now, it sucks.
Come on, it's nothing.
My boyfriend's being a pain.
My ex-boyfriend, I mean.
Sorry. I said my ex-boyfriend.
You have an annoying ex-boyfriend too.
I'm sorry, really!
Oh my God, I made a mistake, okay?
I'm gonna take a shower.
With your phone?
It's waterproof.
Come on.
- When do you start renovating?
- Hopefully next week.
Oh yeah? Next week...
Everything's ready. Charlotte
drew it all in 3D with her software.
Real beautiful stuff.
Is it expensive?
To renovate the whole thing?
It's not too bad.
We'll need workers, but...
We'll be alright.
Nice.
It's bigger than it seems.
It goes up to both drainpipes.
It's an L shape inside.
The room goes round, under the stairs.
The kitchen is opposite us, at the back.
- I can't get all of my hair.
- Yeah, it's nasty.
Fuck you.
- What will you name it?
- Chez Paco. Very simple.
Didn't I tell you?
We're going to get stuff printed.
Got anything to smoke?
Aren't you with your partner?
Just tell me if you've got anything.
Come in.
- Hello, Mrs. Dufour.
- Hello, Antoine.
- How are you?
- Good, and you?
I'm good. I'm just stopping by
to get my biscuit tin.
Sure. I'll get it.
Thank you.
Here it is.
Here.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Would you mind...
playing a little piano for me?
- What do you want me to play?
- Whatever you like.
These days, I'm working on
the finale of The Tempest.
There's that son of a bitch
from last time.
- That's him?
- This guy?
Let's put the squeeze on him.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Hey.
My girl's here. Wait, wait.
You wanted to fuck her?
She's right here.
Did you know he wants to fuck me?
You're lucky your girl's here.
I'd have destroyed you.
Okay, chill out.
Apologize or I'll end you.
I'll end you. I'll destroy you.
Needle dick.
Fuck off!
Today's your lucky day!
Stop acting tough.
Bang, bang! Get outta here, you idiot!
Get lost! Try not to shit yourself!
Sorry.
What time tonight?
Dog, I want to break up.
Here.
Cool, but I asked for 100 grams.
- You think I'm a moron?
- No, not at all.
Why do you want more?
'Cause Driss and I
are gonna smoke together.
Gimme the money.
Seriously?
Driss, my ass.
So it's not for Dog?
No, it's for Driss and me.
Sure! Bullshit!
I swear!
It's for his girl, who goes through him,
who goes through you.
Go fuck yourselves!
- Are you serious?
- Yep!
84, but we can make two.
Why all these lights?
Can you give me the small one?
Hey, Bernard!
How are you doing?
Good.
Good? All fine?
So?
Dunno.
What does it say?
- You didn't win anything.
- Oh shit.
Nothing.
I told you before. Look, it's a Leo.
Play a Sagittarius, for December.
I've told you several times.
I'm gonna buy you
your first Sagittarius.
Stay, Beefcake!
Sit, stay!
There you go!
Sagittarius!
Here.
I got us one each.
I got one for Beefcake.
He was born on April 13th, let's see.
Okay...
Here.
What did you get?
You lost. Shame.
Ah shit.
No big deal.
Last one. Hang on, let's see mine.
Did you win?
I lost too, I think.
Here you go.
Beefcake, you're our last chance.
Concentrate.
Show us what it's like
to be a proud Aries.
Bernard, send Beefcake good vibes.
- Lost?
- Lost!
Hey, you lost!
It's the taking part that counts.
You didn't make dinner?
No.
What are we going to eat?
I don't know.
Never mind. I won't eat.
Thanks.
Don't eat then.
You've reached Damien's voicemail.
Please leave a message.
Sit!
Stay!
A pack of lights, please.
Here you go.
Thanks. Have a good evening.
Olivier Giroud has found
his successor in Elye Wahi.
Savanier!
Oh, great reflexes from Donnaruma!
Marquinhos...
What are you doing?
Nothing. Gaming.
Elsa's not here?
No.
Let's talk.
Anything to say?
What should I say?
I'm not telling you what to say,
I'm asking if you have anything to say.
I don't know.
So if I don't say anything,
you don't say anything either?
I do.
No, you don't.
Is it annoying to be around me?
No.
Seems like it.
Do you like spending time with me?
Yes.
You don't mind hanging out with someone
who talks to himself all day long?
- You're not...
- Shut up.
I'm spitting words at a wall
that doesn't throw them back.
You tell me to say something...
If I told you to go to hell,
would you go?
If I said, "Jump out the window,"
would you?
Is this because of Elsa?
Not at all. I'm very happy for you.
Are you, like, in love?
Yeah.
Right...
You'll have to explain
how it's possible
to lie to yourself to that extent.
She doesn't give a fuck about you.
How can you even think
she could be in love
with a birdbrain like you?
Next month, she'll be home
with her perfect boyfriend,
her perfect life...
Wonderful.
And you'll be left with nothing,
like the underdog you are.
That's how it is.
You should learn to love your friends.
What are you mumbling about?
You think I don't love you?
Don't get mixed up.
I'm not your friend, I'm your brother.
We can tear each other apart,
I'll always be your brother.
And if there's one girl...
Don't talk about girls.
You've never been with a girl.
Don't talk about girls.
I don't need you.
Go, then.
Fuck off.
If you don't need me.
You're good, Franois.
- Hey, Dimitri!
- Yo!
All good?
Yeah, I'm fine. All good.
He has to go to the vet.
- What's wrong?
- Franois is constipated.
What's new?
Just the daily hassle, but I'm good.
Tell me, bro.
You know that guy
that was here with his girl?
That guy I gave a warning to.
Dog?
- That's his name?
- Yeah.
Why?
Don't worry about it.
- Want some help?
- No, it's fine. I'll manage.
Okay then. See ya, bro!
He doesn't have a job,
he won't get a job...
Staying home and jerking off.
Welfare, bro. Welfare.
Who's this, then?
Hey guys. You good?
All good? Doing okay?
Do you know Dog?
What do you want with Dog?
Is he serious?
- What do you want?
- What do I want?
- What's the matter?
- Give me your bag.
Get your phone and call Dog.
Or I'm gonna grab your ponytail
and fuck you up.
Got it?
- Call him.
- Fine.
You, sit.
- Me?
- I said sit.
- Are you calling him?
- Yeah.
So?
Where's your boyfriend Dog?
You good?
I'm not interrupting?
Cool. No, it's, uh...
I'm with Driss,
and we wanted you to come...
We're in a bit of a mess.
Can you come to the fountain?
It can't wait. Please.
Come on, please. I swear it's important,
or I wouldn't call you.
Thanks man, you're the best.
- Done?
- He's coming.
Why do you have a ponytail?
Dunno. I like it.
That's my hairstyle.
Finding yourself, are you?
No... I'm... No.
Give me your blade.
I vote we cut off his gay ponytail.
What do you think?
- What do we do?
- I'd love to.
- What do you think?
- Chill, guys...
That's not all I could cut off.
His ponytail and his puny dick.
Easy, man.
I hope he's coming, for your sake!
There he is!
Come here, you bastard!
Wait, where are you?
Where are you?
Look, there he is!
End him!
Stop!
Who's the bitch now, huh?
Who's the bitch now?
Kill that fucking junkyard dog!
Finish him!
Finish him, Dimitri!
Get the fuck off him!
Get your knife, Matthieu!
Fuck you!
What are you gonna do?
Don't act clever with me!
That's why I started smoking.
- What?
- To stop dreaming.
The night before my dad died,
I dreamt of him dying in a car accident.
And right away,
I told myself it was just a dream.
The next day,
I got home and saw my mom in tears.
Understood right away.
And then I couldn't tell myself
that it wasn't my fault.
I dreamt about it, and that was that.
I started smoking like a motherfucker.
You know, Montaigne said:
"All of the days go toward death
and the last one arrives there."
Said it all.
This is Beefy's ball
This is Beefcake's ball-y
Hey bro. I figured I'd send you a video
'cause I found something on the floor.
So, hold on,
I just need to find it again.
Hang on. There it is.
Don't tell me you didn't look.
So, since we haven't seen
each other for a while,
I'm voting not hard.
And I'm voting very hard!
So that's an average of medium-hard.
So, when I see you,
I owe you one, asshole.
Bye, buddy.
Quit being tired!
Come on, let's go out!
We keep asking
and you're never up for it.
You're not even replying.
You don't care.
You talk about girls
but you don't wanna go clubbing.
Hey, Bernard!
Honestly, I mean,
if you could get me a commis chef...
How is everything?
Great. Thanks.
Thank you.
- I need this right away.
- I'm on my own here!
At least these two here. Leave that.
What's that? Table 3?
- Wait one sec.
- Right now.