K-911 (2012) Movie Script
[ R & B ]
Your love
is liftin'me hi gher
Than I've ever
been lifted before
[ Alarm Beeping )
So keep it up
[ Do g Yawning, Whining ]
And I'll be at your side
forever more
You know your love
Your love keeps liftin'me
Keeps on liftin'
Love keeps liftin'me
Hi gher
Hi gher and hi gher
Okay, bud.
I said, your love
Your love keeps liftin'me
Keeps on
Love keeps liftin'me
Liftin'me
hi gher and hi gher
Make you all clean for today.
Now once
I was downhearted
Disappointment
was my closest friend
But then you came
and he soon departed
And you know he never
showed his face again
That's why your love
Your love keeps lifting me
Paw.
Keeps on liftin'me
Hi gher
Hi gher and hi gher
I said your love
Keep on
Your love keeps liftin'me
Love keeps liftin'me
Liftin'
Hi gher and hi gher
All right
[ Skipped item nr. 23 ]
Okay. Let's g o.
[ Barks )
Hey ! Hey ! Hey !
Hey !
Another ticket.
Damn !
Parking on the wrong side
of the street ?
This is a Ford Dyslexia !
[ Barking ]
It's g onna be
a great day today,
Jerry Lee. Come on.
[ Man ]
Park it over there.
[ Jerry Lee
Barking, Growling ]
[ Man ]
What ? What ? What ?
It's bank day.
All right, I know
we're here to g et
some Kibble money.
I'm g onna g o
to that ATM machine
and g et some cash.
Stay here and watch my car. I spent
a lot of money restoring this car.
You protect my car.
[ Whining )
And don't
chang e the music.
Stay.
Don't bite my--
Watch for bad guys
near my car.
[ Woman ]
When's your car g ettin'done ?
[ Man ] Wednesday, I think.
[ Woman ]
What a hassle.
[ Man ] Yeah.
[ A TM Beeping ]
''Checking, savings.''
No savings, checking.
''Smoker, nonsmoker ?''
Nonsmoker.
'' Democrat, Republican ?''
Democrat.
[ Man ]
Didn't I tell you
to stay in the car ?
Get in the car.
Good boy.
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Get down !
Police ! Get down !
Get down !
Police !
Police !
Down, g et down !
No, not here.
Not by my car !
Oh, man.
[ Guard ]
C ode Red! C ode Red!
We're under fire.
Repeat, we're pinned down
and under fire.
Some partner you are.
Why didn't you warn me,
at least ?
[ Guard ] Is this guy
after the money, or is
he just pissed at your car ?
Can you reload, please ?
Thank you.
[ Gunfire C ontinues ]
My speaker !
My stereo.
We're g onna take this guy out.
You cover us,
and don't be afraid
to use the gun !
Come on, Jerry Lee !
Hey, come on.
Open up.
Come on.
Shut the door.
Okay, so I forg ot.
It's a bulletproof window.
All right, you son of a bitch,
we both have armor now.
We g ot him.
No, no, not
the running thing.
I hate the running thing.
Let's g o.
[ Growling )
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
[ Grunting )
[ C oughing ]
[ Grunting, Groaning )
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
-Jerry Lee !
- [ Panting )
[ Man ]
Jerry Lee !
[ Moaning, Gasping )
Come on.
Jerry Lee, come on !
[ Screams )
Aah !
- [ Motor Rewing )
- [ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Damn it !
- [ Grunting ]
- [ Whining )
[ Groaning )
Hey !
He's g one.
[ Coughing )
Why didn't you jump ?
Come on.
[ Whining )
What do you mean--
[ Imitates Whining )
What, are you leavin'
it all for me ? H uh ?
Christ, what's
with you lately ?
What's with you ?
We almost had that guy.
[ Whining )
[ Panting )
You know why
cops have dogs ?
So they don't
have to do this !
That's the deal.
Manag ement, labor.
Foreman, employee.
Boss, secretary.
I walk, you run.
I cuff 'em, you catch 'em.
You g et treats,
I g et a promotion.
[ Gasping )
I can't breathe !
[ Gasping )
My car !
Jerry Lee, look what
he did to my car !
Look what they did!
I couldn't even sell it
to a cheese factory.
Hey, Dooley !
Check this out.
It's a modified M-1 6.
A company called...
Armaments 2000's
doin' the retrofit.
It's supposed to be
for military use only.
Where did you hear that ?
I saw it
in a gun magazine.
Did you pick that up
on the street ?
Yeah.
Are you supposed to be
messin' with evidence ?
No.
Give me that.
Go g et me some coffee.
Well, Jerry Lee, so much
for the Brady Bill, huh ?
- Dooley ?
What are you doing here ?
- H i, Captain.
[ Sighs )
What happened ?
U h, well, there was a,
uh, equipment failure.
Equipment failure ?
The bad guy had Air Jordans on.
It was no contest.
What about Jerry Lee ?
He needs four little
Air Jordans too ?
You mean they make
those for dogs ?
That was a rhetorical question.
You know, Captain,
you should let people know
when you plan to be rhetorical,
'cause your tone of voice
never chang es.
You think you're funny ?
Sometimes.
This isn't
one of those times.
Jerry Lee, he just hit me !
Quit bein' a smart-ass.
Tell me what happened.
Again !
The bad guy had
a full body armor on.
That should have given you
the advantag e.
It was that lightweight stuff.
What can I tell you ?
The guy had a rocket up his ass.
What the hell is that ?
This here ?
U h, this was the shooter's.
This is a modified M-1 6.
A company
named Armaments 2000
does the retrofit.
It's apparently
for military use only.
How do you know all that ?
I'm trying to better myself
by taking night seminars.
Ah, shut up, will you ?
You better sit down.
You look pale.
Probably because you hit me.
And give that dog there
a drink of water.
Jerry Lee is fine,
and so am I.
You don't look fine.
Sit down before you fall down.
Now.
Detective Harris ?
Yes.
It's the smog !
Take this to the lab
and check it for prints, okay ?
You know, Dooley,
every time
you g o someplace lately,
people try to kill you.
Well, I'm a popular guy.
Look, I'm serious here.
You've lost three suspects
in three weeks !
Come--
You are either
out of your league...
I am not out of my league.
or you've lost a step.
What are you talking about,
''lost a step'' ?
You should have taken
time off after Tracy died.
- That has nothing
to do with it, Captain.
- Oh. Are you sure ?
Absolutely sure.
When was the last time
you had a physical ?
Physical.
Is that the blood pressure,
when they do the--
[ Laughs, Whimpers )
I want you both checked out.
You understand me ?
I obviously can't
count on you anymore.
Hey !
What about my car ?
Have your detailer look at it.
He can probably rub it out.
Rub it out ?
I guess I can
drive it at night.
Nobody'll see it.
C ome on, Jerry Lee.
C ome on. Get in.
My poor car.
[ Sighs )
Aw, he g ot
my cup holder too.
[ Barks )
[ Motor Starting ]
[ Woman ]
I'm so sorry we're late.
[ Man ] It's okay, I haven't
been waiting long, and thank you
very much for meeting me.
[ Dooley ]
Ah, you know what ?
It's my fault.
[ Woman )
Devon Lane, this is my husband,
Detective Dooley.
[ Dooley ) N ice to meet you.
[ Devon )
Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
[ Devon ) I'm so ex cited--
[ Dooley ) Can we g et
some drinks over here ?
''De-vawn, ''you want a beer ?
[ Devon ]
It's Devon.
[ Dooley ]
Devon. Sorry.
What's with the tape recorder ?
[ Devon ] I'm a writer.
I tape everything.
[ Tracy ] Devon,
I just want to say that I see
real potential in your work.
[ Devon ]
Potential ? Really ?
[ Tracy ] Oh, yeah.
He's been a cop a long time.
Maybe he can help you
with some of that cop stuff.
[ Devon ] Would you ?
[ Dooley ] Well, yeah, sure.
You okay, honey ?
[ Tracy ]
I'll be fine. I'll be back
in a few minutes. Excuse me.
[ Devon ]
Tracy told me
you read my manuscript.
[ Dooley ]
Yeah, I did.
I didn't read the whole thing.
I read the first
and the last chapter.
That's really
all I had time for.
[ Devon ]
The first and last chapters ?
[ Dooley ] I g otta tell ya,
uh, it's--
it wasn't really that real.
[ Devon ] It wasn't real ?
[ Dooley ] No, it wasn't real.
I didn't believe a lot of the--
all that cop stuff you
have in there-- the shootouts
and the bank robbery.
That's not really
how it happens.
[ Devon ] It wasn't real ?
[ Dooley ] That's all ri ght.
It's your first attempt, man.
Don't worry about it.
You'll g et there.
- [ Woman ]
Any loss of appetite ?
- No, I'm eatin' pretty well.
- Not you, the dog.
- Oh, uh--
No, he's fine.
- Okay, I'm g onna increase
the speed and incline.
- Why ?
[ Thuds ]
Well, that's the standard
test for canines, Detective.
Oh.
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
What ?
I can hold the handrail.
H umans can hold the handrail.
All right,
all right, all right.
Have you noticed
any chang es in him ?
Yeah, he doesn't chase
the little chuck wag on across
the kitchen floor anymore.
Any loss of hearing
or smell ?
Well, that depends on
what you mean by ''any.''
Well, maybe sometimes,
a little bit.
Well, there's nothing
wrong with your dog.
Really ?
He's just suffering
from the effects of aging.
You should slow
him down a bit.
Why ?
Would you send
your grandfather out
to try and do your job ?
I wouldn't send my grandfather
to microwave popcorn.
So why would you
send out Jerry Lee ?
'Cause my grandfather's too old.
- So is Jerry Lee.
- What do you mean ?
Look at him. He looks great.
Do you know that
do gs are leading long er
and healthier lives these days ?
Where did you hear that ?
Seminar. At night.
I try to better myself.
Oh, you're trying
to better yourself ?
Maybe you should g et a checkup.
You've g ot high blood pressure.
Your face is bright red.
That is
a drinking problem !
Well, what do you know ?
You're a vet.
You both need to be
on special diets.
The same one ?
No. You should be on
a low-fat, low-sodium diet.
The dog needs to be
on a senior maintenance
meal plan.
[ Whining )
What the hell's that ?
Lamb and rice
for older dogs.
It might give him some
flatulence for a week or so,
but nothing to worry about.
[ Sighs )
Nothing for you to worry about.
I g otta live with the damn dog.
You trying to be funny ?
No.
I forg ot my wallet,
so can I write a check ?
Do I g et
any free samples ?
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
Senior maintenance.
Hey, your day.
You checked out great.
You just, uh--
You're out of shape.
[ Whines )
C ome out here
on the floor
Let's rock some more
C ome out here
on the floor
Honey, let's rock some more
[ Vomiting )
Now, when you g et out here
Don't you have no fear
Put your hands on your hips
Come on. Let's g o.
And let your backbone slip
And work out
Ahh, my mama moved up
First step
Honey moved back
Second step
Shuffle to the left
Third step
Travel to the ri ght
Come on. Let's jump.
Now it's plain to see
You put a hurtin'on me
But it's a natural fact
Hah, I like it like that
So work out
Yeah, baby, work out
[ Barking )
Work it, baby
Work it out
Baby, work out
Work it, baby
Work it out
Aah, baby, work out
Work it, baby, work it out
Shout and tell
It's comin'out
Work it, baby
Work out
Work out, work out
Work out, work out
Work all ni ght long
Yeah, yeah
[ Skipped item nr. 250 ]
[ Grunts )
Come on !
Hey, hey.
Come here, you.
Come on.
[ Barking )
Come on. J ust do it.
Work it out
Aah
Ow ! Ow !
Baby, runnin'down the hall
Don't you know
Don't you know
'Round and 'round we g o
Where we stop
Nobody knows
Yeah
The band is swingin'
on the stand, we're movin'in
we're movin'out
I think we'll step back now
and end this dance
with a shout
So work out
Now when I tell you to shout
I want you to jump at it
Come on !
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
Yeah, yeah, baby
Let's shout
Shout, baby, shout, shout
Honey, let's shout
J ump, jump, jump !
Aah, baby, let's shout
Shout, baby, shout, shout
Yeah
and turn it out, baby
Hey !
What are you doing
on my spot ?
[ Whining )
That's my spot.
Here.
[ Whines )
That'll make
you feel better.
You all right ?
What's the matter
with your lamb and rice ?
You don't like it ?
Here.
H uh ? Here.
How's that ?
Nothin', huh ?
[ Telephone Ringing ]
But this
is g ood for us.
Think we should
work out every day.
- Very tribal.
- [ Ringing C ontinues ]
Yeah, some insurance company
you are. I called the office
three hours ag o about my car--
Hey ! Jeez !
Jerry Lee !
Come here.
Lie down. Down.
[ Man )
I just saved you
300 calories.
- Who is this ?
- You should be drinking
light beer.
Less filling,
and it won't slow you down.
And Dooley,
you better pay attention to
the ''won't slow you down'' part.
I could have beat you
running backwards, old man.
- What do you want ?
- Don't tell me you haven't
figured it out yet, Detective.
Three times
in three weeks, Dooley.
I could have taken you out
anytime I wanted.
I want you to know how
it feels to have someone else
control your destiny.
Jerry, down !
How it feels to have
someone else destroy your life.
What do you want ?
It's hard to lose
a loved one.
Isn't it, Dooley ?
But then, sometimes life
just has a way...
of kicking you in the face,
just when you think
you've g ot it made.
Hey, why don't you
come in.
You and I, we can have
a beer, we can chat.
And then
I'll bust your ass.
You're in no position,
literally, to start
playin' bad guy, Dooley.
- [ Growling, Barking ]
- [ Motorcycle Engine Revving ]
[ Dooley )
...about my car.
Hey ! Jeez !
Jerry Lee ! Come here.
''Chapter Six. Spoon-fed
information by our hero,
'' Detective Dooley finally
figures out he is the targ et.
'' But he still
has no idea why.
[ Dooley's Voice ] Who is this ?
Life is about to g et
a little more real.''
[ Man On Tape )
I could have beat you
running backwards, old man.
Don't tell me you haven't
figured it out yet, Detective.
Three times
in three weeks, Dooley.
I could have taken you out
anytime I wanted.
[ Dooley )
Well, at least we know now
we're being set up.
Now, if we could just keep
Byers off our back.
You let me
do the talkin', huh ?
[ Jerry Lee Growls )
Oh, am I sore.
[ Groans )
Okay.
[ Dooley ]
How are you feelin' ?
C ome here.
[ Barking ]
C ome on. Stay with me.
You know what, Jerry Lee ?
That vet was wrong.
We're not g etting old.
We're g etting sexier
and better and wiser.
[ Barks )
[ Chattering )
[ Man ]
Everybody duck.
It's Dooley.
Don't listen to him.
- [ Whining )
- Lay down, Jerry Lee.
- [ Whines )
- What's with him ?
What ?
He's not a morning dog.
Listen, last night
the shooter called.
Took a shot at me.
H it my beer.
Why didn't you
call it in ?
I g ot another beer.
But wait a minute,
he said something weird.
Something really strang e.
He said, ''It's hard to lose
a loved one, isn't it ?''
- Is he talkin' about Tracy ?
- I don't know.
Could be anything.
Could be a reveng e act,
it could be somebody I know.
- I-I-I don't know.
- Harry Stipe. Harry Stipe.
He swore that
he would g et you after
what happened to his brother !
No, Harry Stipe's
doin' five to ten.
Not anymore. He g ot paroled.
- Harry Stipe is out ?
- Yeah, it just came in.
- Stipe is out,
and nobody told me ?
-J ust came across my desk.
Give me the parole officer's
name. I want his address.
Not so fast, Dooley.
Come on !
Give it to me.
Sit.
[ Whines )
There's some guy out there
gunnin' for you. You're not
g oing anywhere alone anymore.
- Not this again.
- Welles, g et in here.
Welles ?
And bring Z eus with you !
- Z eus ?
- [ Snarling )
- [ Growling )
- Hey, whoa-ho-ho !
Meet your new partners.
No way !
- You're not g onna actually
let them in here, are you ?
- I certainly am.
- Detective Dooley.
- Officer Welles.
- Serg eant Welles now.
- Oh. Sorry, I didn't know.
- Good, you two know each other.
- Yeah, we had a moment
a little while ag o.
- Before he, uh--
[ C oughs ]
- [ M umbling )
Look, I don't see
what that dog is g onna do
that Jerry Lee can't do.
Z eus !
[ Speaking Dutch )
[ Speaking Dutch ]
Very impressive, Welles.
- Dooley ?
- What ?
He was trained
in antiterrorist tactics.
Could he g o into a mini-mart
and pick up a six-pack of beer ?
He attacks through windows.
Well, Jerry Lee
has mastered Windows '98.
Got his own chat room.
'' Dogs for Dogs'' ?
[ Shouting I n Dutch )
Jerry Lee
can do that.
You can do that,
can't you ?
[ Whining )
Captain ? I really don't
think this is a g ood idea.
-I couldn't agree more with her.
-Dooley shouldn't
even have that dog.
He's not trained
as a canine officer.
He's a dog with a pet.
- [ Growls )
- Ooh !
Aren't we a little moody ?
- [ Growls )
- Z eus and I can handle
this case alone.
I g ot news for you.
Once I g et a parolee's address,
this case is closed.
Then I g ot news for you.
A parolee doesn't even
fit the profile.
Profile ?
What is this,
an Olympic moment ?
This is a police
investigation here.
Really ?
I wouldn't have guessed.
You don't need a profile
to catch a bad guy.
All you need is a g ood cop
with g ood instincts.
I'm glad you said
''g ood cop,'' because so far,
your instincts suck !
You two are g onna
g et along great.
Dooley, I need
to talk to you alone.
No offense, Serg eant.
No offense
taken, Captain.
See you outside,
partner.
Hey! If you're
g onna ride with me,
g et out of that uniform and
be on my desk in five minutes.
''At.''
He meant ''at.''
No, I meant ''at.''
''At. ''
At my desk.
''At. ''
[ M uttering I n Dutch )
What is wrong with you ?
Didn't you g o to
the sexual harassment seminar ?
I missed that one.
I was-- I was at
another seminar.
All right, forg et about it.
She'll probably
be cool about it.
Ah, look.
Put Jerry Lee outside.
H-He can't testify.
Look, just have him
wait outside.
He can keep a secret !
Have him wait outside !
All right.
Come on, Jerry.
U h, I g ot a delivery
for, uh, Detective Dooley.
Sign, please.
U h, there's
a complementary card in there.
Thank you.
I saw the vet report
today, and, uh,
[ Sighs )
you need to--
[ Dooley ]
What ?
[ Jerry Lee Whines ]
You better give
some serious th--
You need to give thought
to g etting a newer dog.
What ?
Well, one like Z eus.
Yes.
Z eus ?
That crazy, psycho do g ?
Are you kiddin'me ?
He wouldn't last five minutes
with me-- I'd kill him !
Look, he probably
doesn't even drink.
I don't need a new dog.
You know what I need is
a bigg er gun-- one like this.
Will you put that away,
you idiot ?
Or one like this.
Where did you g et this ?
This-This is L.A., not Dallas.
How about this one ?
Look, I g ot a guy
out there with an M- 1 6
takin'shots at me,
and all I g ot...
is this.
Dooley, firearms,
that's not the problem.
The problem is Jerry Lee.
What ?
Well, if he misses a step,
you could lose your life.
Don't you understand ?
That's why I'm giving you
both new partners.
I read that vet report.
The vet report said you were
in the best shape you've
ever been in your life.
Alert. Responsive.
He's a killer !
You're a stud dog,
Jerry Lee.
- [ Whines )
- See ?
You see that ?
You see his sly
and uncanny way ?
He's pretending to be
asleep so he can pounce.
Good boy, Jerry Lee.
Come on. Let's g o.
Come ! Jerry.
Hot do gs !
Hamburg ers !
Chili!
[ Whining )
Hey, Dooley.
These flowers were
just delivered for you.
M ust have been
a wild night.
''Was last night
as g ood for you
as it was for me ?''
- Who gave you these ?
- The delivery guy.
- What did he look like ?
- Green pants, black belt.
You saw him from
the waist down, that's it ?
I was sittin' in--
What are you doing ?
Touching evidence again ?
Puttin'your prints
all over this ? Listen to me.
You see these gloves ?
I want you to wear these things.
Forever !
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Take these down to the lab
and have them dusted.
[ Welles ]
Z eus ! C ome !
Come on. Let's g o.
That Welles and that
stupid psycho dog is probably
sittin' up at the desk.
You and I can g o g et
the bad guys ourselves.
Hey !
We were just
looking for you.
Weren't we, Jerry ?
Check this out.
If you look
at the holes, they actually
spell out something.
It says, ''Even though
I'm older and slower,
I'm still the same asshole
as I was before. ''
Very funny.
That's very funny.
You think that was funny ?
[ Sighs )
Come on, Jerry Lee.
Z eus !
[ Dutch )
I can do that.
All right, look.
I want to g et
one thing straight...
before we g o on here,
all right ?
What went on between
you and me is history.
Now, you have g ot
to let it g o.
I don't even think
about it anymore.
And neither should you.
Okay ?
Okay.
What do you mean, okay ?
I mean okay.
Okay,
you agree with it,
or okay, you don't
think about it anymore ?
Okay. I don't think about it.
How can you not
think about it ?
You said you don't
think about it.
Well, of course not.
I mean, I'm-I'm-I'm--
But what ? What ?
What ? You're so irresistible,
how could I not think about it ?
Well--
Because, you know,
it was one night.
Heat of the moment stuff.
Absolutely right !
Right.
Get in.
[ Sighing, Swearing
I n Dutch )
What was that ?
What ?
Nothing.
And you, dog,
let's g et one thing straight
between you and me, all right ?
N umber one: No barking,
no drooling, no f--
passing of gas...
or performing
any bodily functions
in or about my car.
N umber two: You always
sit in the back seat.
N umber three:
Never give me any lip.
- [ Growling )
- That's neg otiable.
That's neg otiable.
J ust relax.
Jerry Lee, watch him.
Ticket ! Look at that !
I think she follows
me around.
J ust put it in
the glove compartment.
Dooley !
How many parking tickets
do you have ?
Put 'em in the glove compartment
and shut it.
Do you know how to park a car ?
Shut it !
[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]
U gh, I'm g onna need
a tetanus shot from
just sitting in this car.
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Dooley ]
We're g oing to Harry Stipe's.
We're g oing to arrest him,
and you'll never have
to see me again, all ri ght ?
Fine.
[ Dooley ] Your do g likes
to look through windows ?
He attacks through windows.
[ Dooley ]
Yeah, but can he sing ?
[ Welles ] What ?
Jerry Lee can sing.
[ Chuckling )
Yeah, right.
[ Dooley )
Home, home on the rang e
[ Jerry Lee Howling )
Hear that ? Come on, Jerry Lee.
Where the buffalo--
[ Howling Continues )
[ Welles ]
I'm tellin'ya, he's not
the guy we're lookin'for.
And how would you know that ?
Because he doesn't
fit the profile.
Profile.
[ Clears Throat )
Welles,
this is a profile.
A profile is only g ood
when you're trying
to narrow down suspects.
We need a list
of suspects first.
It's not him.
Okay, then.
Stay in the car.
And you too. You stay.
Jerry Lee ? Let's g o.
[ Growling )
We are not staying
in the car.
- Don't look at me like that.
- Look at you like what ?
Not you.
H im.
I g ot a weapon.
I'll use it.
We are trained K-9 officers.
We don't do ''stay in the car.''
Why don't you...
and your little puppy
g o in through the back ?
He's not a puppy.
And why do we have to g o in
the back ? Why don't you ?
We don't do back doors.
Come on !
[ Barking ]
[ Muttering In Dutch ]
[ Shouts In Dutch ]
Wow.
Look at this.
You know, I hear
they're converting this
to condos ?
If we take some out
of your money market fund,
we can buy one of these
and use it as a rental.
I hear conversions
can be a great investment.
Condos and--Jesus !
[ Jerry Lee Barks ]
I mean, Jesus,
I'm glad you're here.
Watch our backs, please.
[ C ouple Yelling ]
All right, Jerry Lee.
Time to g o to work.
Wait up.
Come on.
[ Yelling C ontinues
In Forei gn Languag e ]
[ Softly )
Jerry Lee.
This is Harry Stipe's.
Remember ? Come here.
[ Whispers )
Sit down.
[ Whining ]
Where is she now ?
We should have went around back.
[ Barking ]
[ Man Groaning ]
What's the matter, Harry ?
I hit ya ?
[ Harry ]
You son of a bitch !
You ruined my best pants, man !
Ooh, you g ot
a potty-mouth there, buddy !
You kiss your mom
with that mouth ?
Throw out the shotgun,
and any other weapons.
And don't forg et any.
[ Thumping ]
I g ot Jerry Lee
here with me.
You know what he'll do
if he finds them !
[ Thumping, Crashing ]
Hey, listen, man.
You just keep that dog
away from me, all right ?
I don't want to deal
with Jerry Lee again, man.
You know, last time we met,
it wasn't a g ood thing.
Jesus, Harry.
- What, are you planning
to g o back to night school ?
- I need a little protection.
You know what
I'm saying, man ?
Is that everything ?
[ Jerry Lee Growling ]
Yeah.
- Okay, Jerry Lee.
- [ Barking Fiercely )
- Oh ! Oh ! Hey, man, you g et
that dog away from me, man.
- Back it up, Harry.
Easy, Jerry Lee.
Easy. Check it out.
Back up, Harry.
Hold it ri ght there.
[ Stipe ]
Easy, do ggie. Calm down.
Shh !
So, where you been
lately, Harry ?
Shootin' at armored cars ?
Makin' midnight calls ?
[ Welles ] Z eus !
- What ?
- Step away
from the window, Harry.
- H uh ?
- The window, Harry.
Step away.
All right, man.
- [ Shrieking )
- [ Whimpering )
- So, where were you yesterday ?
- What do you mean, man ?
I was right here.
- Don't lie to me, Harry.
- I'm not lyin' to you, man.
Look, you see this ?
It's not a social beeper.
It's a house arrest bracelet.
It's like a LoJack on my leg.
It g oes off,
everybody's here.
Cops, SWAT team,
my parole officer, everybody !
A-All ri ght, okay.
Let me see your parole papers.
I'm really happy you're here,
man, I g otta tell you.
And you too.
They're out there
and they want to kill me.
They want to kill me.
Here you g o, give it to him.
[ Shudders )
Ooh ! Hey, easy.
- Thank you, Jerry.
- Hey, man, you know what ?
- I want to thank you
for putting my brother in.
- Where'd you g et the gun ?
Oh !
They were here
when I moved in !
Oh, really ? I didn't see
the sign when I came in:
'' Free cable and ammo.''
- Oh, yeah. There's a sign.
-Jerry Lee ?
Fat Tommy, man.
Fat Tommy g ot 'em for me.
I thought you couldn't
leave the place.
He delivers.
So, if he didn't
make it in 30 minutes,
you g et free ammo ?
Hey, you know,
I didn't think about that.
- Fat Tommy g et
military weapons too ?
- Oh, yeah. M ilitary stuff.
He's g ot everything, man.
He's g ot a big-time supplier.
- Who ?
- I don't know.
- Police, freeze !
- Aah !
I heard gunshots !
Wait. Where's my dog ?
- Dog ? What dog ?
- [ Whining )
[ ''Pretty Woman '']
Great instincts, Dooley.
So, what now, big guy ?
[ Dooley ]
You know, after battle,
do gs and men like a treat.
Jerry Lee was g ood,
so he g ets a treat !
Walkin'down the street
Pretty woman
The kind I like to meet
Where's he g oin' ?
U h, he knows
it's treat time.
I don't believe you
You're not the truth
No one could look
as g ood as you
- Mercy
- I can't believe you're g oing
to feed your dog this.
Surest way to kill him
is with this garbag e.
He should be eating nothing
but senior maintenance.
You know what ? I tried that
senior maintenance. I liked it.
I mean, with a beer.
- [ Whimpering )
- Pretty woman
I don't have any money.
I forg ot my wallet
at the station.
You g ot $ 30 on you ?
Figures. Yes.
- And you're lonely
just like me
- [ Whining )
[ Imitates Growl ]
[ Z eus Barking ]
Hey !
What's with your dog ?
What ? He's fine.
- I don't think he likes me.
- [ Barking )
What ? What's
with this guy ?
He has to g o to the rest room.
Oh.
Oh, to be a dog.
Ex cuse us.
Pretty woman
give your smile to me
No, no.
He wants some privacy.
Do you mind ?
The dog ?
The dog.
Thank you.
I like it
myself sometimes.
- Pretty woman, look my way
- Excuse me ? Excuse me.
Have you seen
a white poodle ?
White ?
Mm-hmm.
[ I nhales Deeply )
No. Mm-mm.
I'll treat you ri ght
H urry up !
- [ Jerry Lee Whining ]
- Where's your dog ?
-Jerry Lee ? Jerry Lee !
- [ Panting ]
- Be mine toni ght
- Hey, what languag e is it
that you speak to that dog ?
Dutch.
He was trained
in the Netherlands.
Oh, the Netherlands !
'Scuse me !
Jerry Lee
was trained in Oxnard.
You know, the best K-9 do gs
come from Oxnard.
I could learn so much
from you, Dooley.
God, I hate it
when people don't pick up
after their dogs !
Breed their dogs
in the park.
They don't take care.
They breed dogs in the park.
That's the worst thing--
[ Groaning )
Dooley!
What the hell are you doing ?
Have you lost your mind ?
- Jesus, do you always
throw women around the park ?
- Stupid kid.
[ Screaming )
Let g o.
Tell the mutt g et off.
- Clog ! Heineken ! Heineken !
Oppenheimer. Dutch Schultz !
- [ Sighing )
- Come on, let g o. Let g o !
- Z eus !
[ Speaking Dutch )
- [ Moaning )
- Moron.
[ Dutch )
[ Groaning )
My shirt.
He wrecked my shirt.
[ Welles Cursing In Dutch ]
Jerry Lee !
[ Groans )
Shit !
Where have you been ?
What, did you take her out
to dinner too ?
Come on,
I g ot your hot dog.
[ Scoffs )
You g et lucky,
I g et shit.
Come on.
What took you so long ?
[ Dooley ]
Hey, Welles, give me a--
I thought he was g onna shoot ya.
[ Welles ]
What ? A kid with a toy gun
was g onna shoot me ?
[ Welles C ontinues,
Indistinct ]
Checkmate.
[ Welles )
Why are we parking
all the way out here ?
I don't want anybody
bangin' my doors.
Banging your doors ?
Your doors are all shot up.
Don't be so negative.
Oh, Z eus.
[ Dutch )
- Come on.
- Hey, Jerry Lee. Come here.
[ Sniffing )
What is that smell ?
Smell ?
U gh !
[ Yelling, Chattering )
M ikey.
What's up, man ?
Ex cuse me.
[ Knocking ]
Hello !
You know where
Fat Tommy is ?
Never heard of him.
Fat. Tommy.
Big guy.
Never heard of him !
He's big.
He's g ot a big belly.
Is he at brunch now ?
Don't know who
you're talking about.
Buffet ? Lunch ? Dinner ?
Nope.
Come on, you must have seen
him walkin' down the street.
With a light on him,
he looked like a fire truck ?
Never.
Jerry Lee, you hear that ?
He never heard of Fat Tommy.
Thanks, man.
N ice haircut.
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
What ?
I can do that.
Keep your elbows up.
Little higher.
That's it, that's it.
Yeah.
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
Gonna g et some tape.
Gotta wrap the tape.
[ I nhales Sharply )
All right, everybody.
Listen up !
Yo ! Listen up !
Yo ! I'm talkin'
to you, Rocky !
I'm lookin'
for the Fat Man.
Oh, I didn't know this was
''I'm not talkin' to the cop''
day. I understand.
Hel-lo !
That's quite a command
you have there, Dooley.
Well, smarty-pants,
I thought maybe I'd
let you and the psycho dog,
you know, do a little work.
I think we will.
Z eus !
- [ Shouts I n Dutch )
- [ Fi ght Bell Ringing ]
[ Z eus Growling ]
[ Panicky Shouting )
[ Man Shouting ]
C ome on, lady.
Call your do g off!
You know,
your dog has some
real control issues.
Think you should
work with him at it.
You know.
[ Z eus Growling ]
[ Dutch )
[ Man ]
Whose mutt is this ?
Okay. Now watch
some real police work.
[ Man ]
Get this do g outta here !
What the hell
are you idiots
doin' up there ?
Hey, Fat Tommy,
how ya doin' ?
Keep that dog
away from me !
Wow ! Look at you !
You've lost a lot of weight.
You're lookin' g ood,
Fat Tommy !
- What, did you have
your stomach stapled ?
- Keep that dog away from me.
I'll sue you
this time, I will.
You might have to,
unless you tell me who's
sellin' the M-1 6 retrofit.
I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
I'm a legitimate businessman.
Say hello to Jackie Hammer.
Maybe you heard of him.
They call him
''Fists of Steel. ''
He's the super middlewei ght
kickboxing champion.
He's the ultimate
fightin' champ.
I don't g et that
pay-per-view, you know ?
I'm sure he's very g ood.
I'm very impressed.
You impressed, Jerry Lee ?
Show him, Jackie.
[ Shouting, Yelling )
[ Fat Tommy ]
Jackie, stay away from that do g.
Hey, Fat Tommy,
what are you worried about ?
He's a g ood doggie.
Ooh !
Good thing your boy's
g ot a cup on, huh ?
- Otherwise, he'd be known
as Little Jackie Hammer.
- [ Whimpering )
I bet you g ot a lot
of money on this guy, huh ?
What kind of a psycho
would teach a dog to do
something like that ?
Actually,
he taught himself.
Jerry Lee.
[ Crowd Groaning,
Moaning ]
- [ Yelling )
- Yah !
The name, fat man,
or the boy loses his nuts.
[ Speaking I n A H igh Voice )
Tell him. Please.
- Phil Cag e.
- Phil Cag e ? As in,
'' Phil's Salvag e Yard'' ?
- Yeah.
-Jerry Lee.
You can let g o now.
Jerry!
[ Whimpering )
By the way, you look g ood.
You've lost a lot of weight.
Keep it up.
Thanks, Dooley.
I'm in the zone.
Yeah, it's
workin' for you.
[ Fat Tommy ]
I told you guys never
to g et caught in the corner.
What was all that
Kung Fu crap about ?
It wasn't Kung Fu.
It was Krav Maga.
God, Dooley,
g et out of the '7 0s.
Z eus and I trained
for two months at
the Israeli Defense Force.
Oh, yeah ?
What did they feed him ?
'' Kibbutz 'n' Bits'' ?
Ah, '' Kibbutz 'n' Bits.''
Did you like that ?
Come on, now, I know
you thought that was funny.
You're laughing inside.
You shouldn't
hold it in like that.
It's not g ood for your health.
[ Boxers Chattering ]
[ Coins Clattering,
Phone Dinging )
Phil's Salvag e.
This is Phil speaking.
Dooley and the police
are raiding your place
in ten minutes.
Who is this ?
- [ Hangs U p Receiver )
- [ Dial Tone )
Get the boys, g et the money,
g et the guns.
We g otta
g et the hell out of here.
[ Welles Whistles )
This is the perfect place
for your car.
Shall I call and have
a black-and-white pick us up ?
[ Chuckles )
Very funny. Cute.
Almost quaint.
[ Engine Rattles, Stops )
I'm g onna g o
and talk to Phil.
I want you
to stay in the car.
What ?
Stay !
I'm not a dog.
Well, that's obvious.
Dogs listen.
[ Guffaws )
This time,
we're g oing in the front.
Fine ! It's your choice !
Oh, you're actually
giving me a choice ?
Yeah. Front, back ?
We'll take the front.
Fine.
No, no, no, no, no.
I see what you're doing here.
What do you want ?
I want the front.
Then we'll take the front.
Fine.
I'll take the back.
What happened to ''Jerry Lee
and I don't do back doors'' ?
I'm trying to compromise, dear.
You want the back ?
Yes.
Then we'll take the back.
Fine.
I'll take the front.
No way ! That's what you
wanted me to say, and that's
what you wanted me to take.
We'll take the front.
Fine !
Take the front !
I don't care !
Sure you don't.
We'll take the back.
Z eus !
[ Whispering )
Bad dog. Bad dog.
Works every time.
Come on.
[ Chuckles )
All right.
Keep your eyes open, Jer.
[ Man ]
That you, Dooley ?
Yeah, it's me, Phil.
Hey, Phil.
What's g oin'on here ?
I thought you went legit.
Oh, I could bullshit you,
Dooley, but the truth is,
it's easy money.
[ Z eus Growling ]
Come on !
- Those new guns, Phil ?
- How do you like 'em ?
Well, from this point of view,
they're quite impressive.
You know, Phil,
this is your third strike.
- They're g onna
throw away the key.
- Why do you think I'm shootin' ?
- It's nothin' personal.
- That's nice to hear.
- That's very caring,
loving and supportive.
- I had a g ood mother.
Z eus, stay !
[ Growls ]
Oh, boy.
Dance ! Dance !
[ Screaming )
Dance !
[ Screaming )
- Ah, what is life
if not to dance !
- [ Screams )
[ Growling, Barking ]
[ Man Screaming ]
- What kind of piece you usin' ?
- 9mm, standard issue.
- Yeah, I could set you up
with something special.
- Yeah ?
Tell me about
that M- 1 6 retrofit.
[ Chuckles ]
Little too pricey
for you, Dooley.
- You g ot any names ?
- I didn't ask it !
- You know what he looked like ?
- I wasn't looking at his face,
I was looking at the money.
I'm sure he looked
like your averag e,
creepy kind of gun nut.
- A lot like you !
- Well, Phil, you're g onna
need that sense of humor...
when they lock you away
for the rest of your life...
wearin' that
cute little sun dress.
[ Whispers )
Okay.
[ Whining )
[ Screaming )
You cook too ?
A lot of takeout.
Cuff him.
Call for backup.
I'm g oin'after Phil.
Come on, Jerry Lee.
Oh-oh-oh, man !
Down ! Down !
My car !
Move, move, move, move,
move, move, move !
Down !
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
My car !
Oh, no.
Not the running thing again.
Come on !
[ Sighs )
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that.
Look at that bike.
[ Grunts )
Come on, come on !
- Drop the gun !
- I can't.
[ Dutch )
- [ Growling )
- [ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Jerry Lee ?
Where are you ?
[ Dooley ]
Jerry Lee !
Oh ! Oh !
Holy shit !
[ Groaning )
[ Groans )
You're under arrest !
You have the right
to remain unconscious.
Anything you dream
will be held against you
in a court of law.
[ Barking ]
It's about time
you g ot here, Jerry Lee !
Jerry Lee ?
Everything okay ?
Yeah.
Jerry Lee's fine.
He only drinks water
every couple days.
J ust like a camel.
Probably on
his father's side.
That's an interesting trait.
It's very efficient too.
He pees all at once.
Is your dog on steroids
or something ?
No. Why ?
I've never seen a dog
like that not pant.
He's not tired.
How old is Jerry Lee ?
Oh, I don't know.
Well, how long have
you two been tog ether ?
It's the long est relationship
I've ever had.
You've g ot everything
tied up here,
so we've g ot
a couple of personal things
to take care of.
Come on.
Come on.
[ Man ]
Ah, too bad, Dooley.
Where are the marshmallows ?
Can somebody
give me a ride ?
[ Sighs )
Oh, this is a hill !
Ohh.
[ Grunting )
Ah, this is too much.
Phew !
You know, this isn't
a bad mode of transportation,
Jerry Lee.
No gasoline, no insurance.
No parking tickets.
I g otta g et
a little carriag e seat
for you in the back, though.
Hard day, huh, Jer ?
[ Whines )
A lot of action today.
Hey. Come here.
Come up on my spot.
You can sit up
on my spot.
Attaboy.
There you g o.
I just love ya
the way you are.
Good dog.
Powerful dog.
Handsome dog.
Pretty dog.
[ Whining )
Yeah.
Hey, you want
some chili ?
Oh, you want
more brush ?
You want some chili ?
I can make you some chili.
Got pretty ears.
Look at your ears,
how pretty they are.
Look at that.
You're so handsome.
[ Alarm Beeping )
[ Slaps Radio,
Alarm Stops ]
[ Truck Motor Rumbling ]
Hmm.
[ Glass, Metal Crashing ]
Hey ! Hey !
Hey, that's my car.
No, no, no, no.
It's not junk.
It's not junk.
Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on !
Get this thing out of here.
No, no. Not my car.
Get this garbag e truck
out of here !
Back it, back it.
Back it. Back it up.
U p ! U p ! U p !
Look, I just had it
towed back here.
What the hell
do you think you're doin' ?
My car !
For cryin' out loud.
A ticket !
[ Whistling ]
Jerry Lee ?
[ Continues Whistling )
Hey, Jer ?
Made your
favorite coffee.
Half cream,
three tablespoons
of sugar.
Good morning to you
Good morning to you
Hey, Jer.
I think it's a g ood idea
you stay home today.
Take a nap.
Get a little rest.
I'm g onna put on
some videos for ya.
There, look, I g ot,
uh-- I g ot Beethoven,
your favorite.
The original.
Jer ?
[ Dooley ]
Oh, Jer.
[ Sighs )
Jerry Lee ?
What are you doing ?
[ Whimpers Softly )
We can't g o in this car.
[ Whimpers )
Jerry Lee, you can't g o.
You can't g o to work
with me today.
Jerry Lee, come on.
Go inside.
Go inside.
Oh, you're playing
M r. Deaf, are ya ?
Do you want a time-out ?
You want a time-out ?
Fine.
Time-out !
Time-out's over.
Now you're grounded.
You are grounded, young man.
You g o up into your room,
no music, no TV,
no Beethoven, no park !
You g otta g o to the bathroom ?
Backyard for you.
Backyard !
Come on !
I'm g onna count to three,
and if you're not upstairs,
in that room,
you're in big trouble.
[ Whines )
One.
[ Motorcycle Approaching ]
Two.
Two and a half.
Three !
Fine !
[ Barks ]
Fine, g o !
Run away,
M r. I ndependent,
I-Don't-Need-M r. Dooley !
Go on, Jerry Lee !
Go with your friends !
- Sure, grass is greener
on the other side, huh ?
- Who are you yelling at ?
-Jerry Lee.
- Why ?
Oh, M r. Big Shot
decided to run away.
All right, so,
jump in the car.
We'll g o look for him.
Z eus will seek him out.
No, no, no, no.
He has to come to me.
That's the prodigal son.
He's g otta g o and come back.
I would be doing him damag e
if I went and chased him
down the street.
I am not g onna do it.
[ Whistling )
Jerry Lee ?
He's just been actin'
so weird.
Did he ever
run away before ?
No.
He's very sensitive.
Just like you.
I'm not sensitive.
He's sensitive. I'm--
[ Barking )
I'm just moody.
[ Dooley )
Jerry Lee !
Well, maybe Byers is ri ght.
Maybe Jerry Lee
just can't cut it anymore.
Byers said that ?
- Yeah, more than once.
- So, that's why
he assi gned us to you.
Yep.
Where is he g oing ?
[ Barking )
[ Dooley )
There he is !
[ Welles ]
In front of
the storag e building.
Jerry Lee !
Jerry Lee,
what are you doing ?
I'm sorry, Jerry Lee.
Did I hurt your feelings ?
What's with you ?
He's not running away, Dooley.
He wants you to follow him.
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Z eus, come !
I think he's on to something.
I hate stairs.
Jerry Lee ?
What do you g ot ?
He's keying in on something.
[ Whimpering )
Okay.
Okay, Jerry Lee,
back off.
Move out of the way.
What are you doing ?
I'm picking the lock.
We do it all the time.
That's what worries me.
[ Sighs )
You have a better idea ?
Yes.
One of us will stake out
the room from across the hall,
the other will g o g et a warrant.
Jerry Lee and I
do not do warrants.
Or back doors.
What else don't you do ?
We don't do flavored coffee.
We don't do aroma therapy.
We don't do raw fish.
Normally known as sushi.
Yes, we don't do that.
We don't do tofu.
We don't do collag en.
We don't do colonics.
We don't do e-mail.
We don't do head shrinkers,
group therapy, social workers.
We don't do
cute little doggy outfits.
We don't do shopping.
We don't do Near Beer
or little speedos.
Thank God.
And we don't do sporks.
I g et the point.
I'll g et the warrant.
Don't touch the lock.
[ Jerry Lee Whines ]
And we don't do, ''Ooh, is that
a pimple on your back ?
Can I squeeze it ?''
[ Z eus Barks ]
Jerry Lee, she didn't say
we can't touch that lock.
[ Gunshot ]
[ Jerry Lee Howling ]
Forty-four bottles
of beer on the wall
That's it.
Forty-four bottles of beer
[ Howling C ontinues ]
You're a g ood sing er.
Take one down
pass it around
Forty-three bottles
of beer on the wall
[ Howling Intensifies ]
Okay, we're done singing now.
All ri ght ? You happy ?
Stop it ! Stop ! C ome on.
The bad guy's g onna hear us.
Yeah, see ? Look.
I could stuff you
and put you on the wall.
See ?
Like a moose head.
You know, you're
the best dog I ever had.
You're the only dog I ever had,
but you're still
the number one guy.
You know, this is hard
for me to say, but--
[ Whimpers )
[ Sniffing )
Get away from me.
Is that you ? Was that you ?
[ Whimpers )
Oh, my God !
That is rancid !
[ Groaning )
[ Banging On Door )
[ Gagging )
What did you eat ?
[ Banging Continues )
Did you just cut another one ?
Did you ?
[ Gagging C ontinues ]
There's something alien in you !
Whew ! Whew !
Whew ! Whew !
You're off that
lamb and rice diet !
Oh, God!
[ C oughing ]
Dooley !
Oh !
[ Whimpering )
Oh ! Oh !
What is that smell ?
What ? What smell ?
Oh, don't tell me you don't have
a sense of smell.
My God !
My eyes are watering.
It was Jerry Lee !
Stop blaming the dog.
Honest to God,
it was Jerry Lee.
That is so sad, man.
You need to g o to a doctor.
No !
I swear!
It was Jerry Lee !
[ Whimpers Softly )
All right, I g ot the warrant.
Shoot off the lock.
I advise you to wait,
however, considering
the gas in this room.
You're g onna blow us up.
[ Gunshot ]
Seek.
Oh, yeah,
he's a gun nut, all right.
[ Welles ]
Looks like he's
some kind of writer.
Everything's written
under a different name.
He's g ot pictures of
his girlfriend or his wife
hanging up.
What ?
It's not his wife.
It's mine.
[ Jerry Lee Whimpering ]
[ Welles ]
They're picking up
the manuscripts later.
So, what do you think ?
I mean, they're all cop stories.
Every one of'em.
Tracy was an editor.
That rejection letter
she wrote was really nice.
Tracy was nice in every way.
That's why you disappeared
that night that we, um--
Kissed ?
Yes.
I'm sorry about that.
No, don't be sorry.
It was nothing to apologize for.
You just weren't ready.
Maybe.
Dooley, you really g otta
stop blaming yourself
for what happened.
No, I'm serious.
Listen, people die.
That is a fact of life.
You're a really g ood cop.
And so is Jerry Lee.
You g ot really great instincts.
You know ?
And they can't teach you that.
Trust me, I know.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
[ Barking )
Is he g onna bite me ?
Probably.
You know, that dog
is very co-dependent.
Can I take him
in the other room ?
You can try.
Z eus ?
Ham, cheese ?
[ Chuckles )
Look what I g ot.
Look what I g ot.
[ Growling )
Come on. Let's g o
in the other room.
That's g ood. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
That's my fing er.
No, that's my fing er.
That's my fing er.
You want a time-out ?
Want a time-out ?
Want a time-out ?
My fing er, my fing er.
Let g o, let g o, let g o.
Thank you.
Dooley !
I'm not g onna share.
Dooley, come here !
What ?
Come here.
What ?
This guy--
This guy is writing about you.
He's g ot everything.
He's g ot the bank shoot-out,
Harry Stipe, Fat Tommy.
Who wrote this ?
Um, I don't know.
A guy named Jeffery Barnes.
Probably a fake name.
Barnes.
No.
These all have
different pen names.
Who's the hero ?
Devon Lane.
Right ? Yeah.
Devon Lane.
Devon Lane.
Devon Lane.
Devon Lane.
I know Devon Lane.
Devon Lane turned in
a manuscript to Tracy.
She rejected it,
but she wanted me
to meet with him...
to talk to him about
what is was like
to be a cop.
He was really strang e.
He kept staring at her
through the whole--
Wait.
I'm g onna have an APB
put out on him immediately.
- Good work.
- You too.
[ Man On TV, Indistinct ]
Hey.
H i.
[ Chuckles )
I'm kinda hungry.
You hungry ?
You wanna eat ?
Yeah.
Yes !
I am a g ood cook.
I am a great cook.
I'm g onna fix you something.
Okay.
You're g onna love it.
You're just g onna love it.
[ Glass Breaks ]
[ Growls )
I'll clean it up.
I'll clean it up.
[ Glass Breaking ]
[ Whimpers )
Damn !
I'm g onna g et tupperware.
[ Man On TV] The g overnment
bill to crack down
on laboratory experiments...
on animals is expected
to become law today.
[ Man #2 ]
...then you should try Smith
Kennel's Table Scrap Snacks.
They taste and look
just like the scraps
your do g begs for at the table.
Small, delectable pieces
of toast crust,
scrambled egg bits--
[ TVC ontinues, Indistinct ]
Your do g will beg for more.
Here are some happy users.
[ Man #3 ]
Yeah, I came home for dinner
late last ni ght,
and I saw the do g was just
chomping away--
[ Growling ]
[ Growling C ontinues ]
''Coldsky.''
'' Brrrsky.''
All right, all right.
I'm dropping it.
Hey.
Wanna g o for a walk ?
Go for a walk ?
[ Whispers )
Watch her.
Okay, don't move.
[ TVC ontinues, Indistinct ]
Okay, a date.
I wanna take her out
on a date.
Date.
'' Daten-wag en.''
'' Daten-varganaire.''
'' Daten-schwarnenegg er.''
Tulips.
Heineken, Amsterdam, clogs.
I g otta g et
a Dutch dictionary.
All right.
I mean, she, you know--
She came on-- What ?
You g otta g o ?
You g otta g o ?
[ Z eus Urinating ]
You know, I like this neighbor.
She's a really nice old lady.
You shouldn't--
Oh, my God.
All I g ot are twenties.
That's all I g ot is a twenty.
Oh, my God!
[ Man On TV]
Call this
toll-free number now...
to order this revolutionary
new do g snack risk-free.
If your do g
doesn't really love them,
just return the unused portion
for a full refund.
Smith Kennel's
Table Scrap Snacks--
the healthy alternative.
If your pet experiences
drowsiness, hair loss
or diarrhea--
[ TV Shuts Off )
[ Whispers )
Good night, Z eus.
[ Whimpers )
[ Sighs )
[ Cat Screeches ]
[ Barks )
Come on.
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep.
Z eus, come.
Good morning.
[ Jerry Lee Whimpers ]
Good morning.
Good morning.
''Guten-morning.''
[ Barks )
What do you think ?
Like it ?
Okay, bud,
it's you and me.
[ Growls Softly )
Don't blow it.
Breakfast, anyone ?
[ Whimpers )
Was it something we said ?
Did she leave ?
Well, it's you and me again,
Jerry Lee. Come on, outside.
[ Whimpers )
Come on, come on, come on.
Leave me the marshmallows.
[ Telephone Ringing ]
She's calling,
probably to apologize.
Come on.
[ Ringing C ontinues ]
Hello.
You know, you could've
stayed for breakfast.
[ Devon )
I heard you finally g ot around
to reading my masterpiece.
Poignant, huh ?
You wanna know the ending ?
If you g et to her first,
she lives.
If you don't, she dies.
How's that for real, Dooley ?
See you soon.
[ Dial Tone )
Shit.
Where's that number ?
[ Dialing ]
[ Ringing ]
[ Z eus Barking ]
Pick it up. Pick it up.
Come on. Answer it.
[ Ringing )
[ Barking C ontinues ]
Pick it up !
Damn it !
[ Groans )
[ Telephone Ringing )
Byers.
Hey, Dooley.
What ?
Wait, slow down.
Slow down.
What are you talking about ?
He's after her.
Welles, that's who ! Welles !
Oh, no, no.
Come on. H uh ?
He would never come here.
He's not that crazy.
- Listen to me !
- [ Welles ]
You're completely surrounded.
- Shut up !
- You're in a police station,
for God's sakes.
Oh, my God.
[ Indistinct Yelling,
Shouting ]
[ Gunfire Continues )
[ Barking )
Hey !
Hey !
Hey, what are you doing ?
What are you doing
with all these tickets ?
You're following me !
You g ot a veng eance--
A boot ? You put--
I need a ride !
There's an emerg ency g oing on.
I need to take--
Here. Here, I'm sorry.
You want this ?
You want this ?
That's what I think--
Hey !
Get in. I'll show her.
Hmm !
[ Officer ]
Get down !
Get down !
I can't see him !
[ Officer #2 ]
We're under fire !
[ Devon ]
Take your shot !
Goddamn it ! Put your gun down !
[ Byers ]
Hold your fire ! Get down !
Stop that man !
[ Welles ]
Everybody g et down !
- [ Devon ] Shut up !
- It's all over.
[ Byers ]
Lay down, everybody!
Lay down !
Oh, for crying out loud.
[ Byers ]
Hold your fire !
He's backing out !
Okay, let's move up !
C ome on !
[ Officer ] Move ! Move !
Come here !
Z eus, g o on back !
[ Gunfire C ontinues ]
[ Welles ]
Back up !
You'll never make it
out of the building.
That's not the ending I wrote.
- Hey!
- Well, the g ood guy
finally arrives,
just in time to see
another loved one die.
Let her g o.
This is between you and me.
I g ot the station
locked down, Dooley.
He can't g et out.
Now, put the gun down,
Devon, and nobody g ets hurt !
Did you know
he killed his wife ?
I didn't kill her.
Tracy was very sick,
and she died.
Sick of you.
Sick of being a cop's wife.
You drove her
to an early grave.
[ Growling ]
Get your dog back.
Get him back, Dooley.
[ Dooley ] Can't do that.
You think
he listens to me ?
Get your dog back, Dooley.
Get him back,
or I'll shoot him right now.
Tracy loved that dog.
Loved that do g
more than anything.
Not more than me.
- She didn't even know you !
- Yes, she did.
She read my book.
That's me in that book.
She said I had potential.
She believed in me.
- [ Dooley ] I'm sorry
I didn't like your book.
- You didn't even read it.
I read part of it.
[ Devon ]
Tracy didn't have any problems
with my writing being real.
She liked my work !
I won't shoot the do g.
I'll shoot her.
- Shoot him, Dooley.
J ust take him out.
- Shut up !
- Shut up, Byers !
- Shut up, Byers !
- Shoot him !
Shut up !
I'm not g onna shoot him.
He needs help !
I don't need help.
- Yes, you do.
- [ Growling )
Tracy would want you
to g et help.
- She would ?
- Yes, she would.
- You're just saying that.
- No, I'm not.
- You're lying to me.
- I'm not.
Yes, you are.
You're lying to me.
All ri ght.
I'm lying to you.
I can't help you.
I don't wanna help you.
You're an idiot. You're a nut.
You're a jerk.
You understand English,
or do I need to speak in Dutch ?
Z eus !
[ Dutch )
[ Yelling, Shouting )
You all right ?
Yeah.
[ Byers ]
He's g oing upstairs !
Let's g o !
Come on, Dooley !
You can make it !
Only two more flights,
Dooley !
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
[ Devon ]
C ome on, old man !
[ Groans )
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
I need E.M.S. vehicles
and a SWAT team on the roof.
Right away !
You're pathetic, Dooley!
What Tracy saw in you,
I'll never know.
[ Groaning )
You didn't deserve her !
Aah !
She said my character
was strong.
She said I had potential !
Come on, Dooley !
C ome on, old man !
[ Panting, Groaning )
She wrote me a letter, Dooley !
She ever write you a letter ?
You moron !
That letter she wrote you
was a rejection letter!
Rejection ?
- Aah !
- How do you like the ending
to my book, Dooley ?
Do it !
I'll do it when I'm ready.
Do it !
Go ahead!
Do it !
Shut up !
I'm in control here, Dooley.
This is my story,
not yours !
Where do you want it ?
'Cause I'm deciding where you
should g et the next bullet.
You g ot any preferences ?
Is this real enough for you,
Dooley ?
You did it !
What took you so long ?
[ Whimpering )
[ I ndistinct Shouting )
I knew you could do it, buddy.
Welles, cuff him.
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Wait !
You can't have dogs in here.
They're police officers,
ma'am.
They're dogs !
Get them out of here.
The California State
Health C ode, section 45 7 8,
says absolutely...
under no circumstances are do gs
allowed in the hospital.
[ Woman On P.A.,
Indistinct ]
[ Whimpers )
[ Barks Softly )
[ M uttering )
What ? Come on.
Jerry Lee.
Come on. Don't slime me.
Your breath is so bad.
What have you been eating ?
[ Chuckling )
Okay. I'm okay.
Don't do that !
[ Groans )
Welles, I wanna thank you
for picking me up.
Are you actually showing me
some gratitude, Dooley ?
Well, yeah, I'm trying.
Good boy.
I am not a dog.
Yes, you are.
But dogs g et treats.
Treats ?
Dinner. What do you want ?
Chinese or Italian ?
Oh, you pick.
Your choice.
Oh, you're actually
giving me a choice ?
Yes, your choice.
Well, then I pick Chinese.
Chinese is fine.
No, that's what you
wanted me to say.
We're g oing for Italian.
Well, Italian is fine.
You actually want Italian ?
Yes.
Then we are g oing for Chinese.
Chinese is fine.
I don't care.
Yeah, sure you don't.
Works every time,
Jerry Lee.
I've g ot nothing but love
So much love
Hey, hey
Ain't g ot no money
Ain't g ot no fancy car
Don't live the life
of a millionaire
Or a movie star
There's nothing in this world
that I possess
To equal your lovin'
and tenderness
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
I've g ot nothing, girl
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
So much love
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
Nothing but love
Yeah
I ain't g ot no bi g house
I don't eat no caviar
I g ot no obsessions
with foolish possessions
You're my lucky star
Don't need no diamonds
Don't need no pearls
As long as I g ot you
I'm the king of the world
And I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Love for you
I've g ot nothing
but love, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love, baby
Nothing but love
I've g ot nothing but love
Don't need no diamonds
Don't need pearls
As long as I've g ot you
I'm the king of the world
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Slave to love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Yeah, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Oh, yeah, baby
Yeah
Nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Yeah, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you
Your love
is liftin'me hi gher
Than I've ever
been lifted before
[ Alarm Beeping )
So keep it up
[ Do g Yawning, Whining ]
And I'll be at your side
forever more
You know your love
Your love keeps liftin'me
Keeps on liftin'
Love keeps liftin'me
Hi gher
Hi gher and hi gher
Okay, bud.
I said, your love
Your love keeps liftin'me
Keeps on
Love keeps liftin'me
Liftin'me
hi gher and hi gher
Make you all clean for today.
Now once
I was downhearted
Disappointment
was my closest friend
But then you came
and he soon departed
And you know he never
showed his face again
That's why your love
Your love keeps lifting me
Paw.
Keeps on liftin'me
Hi gher
Hi gher and hi gher
I said your love
Keep on
Your love keeps liftin'me
Love keeps liftin'me
Liftin'
Hi gher and hi gher
All right
[ Skipped item nr. 23 ]
Okay. Let's g o.
[ Barks )
Hey ! Hey ! Hey !
Hey !
Another ticket.
Damn !
Parking on the wrong side
of the street ?
This is a Ford Dyslexia !
[ Barking ]
It's g onna be
a great day today,
Jerry Lee. Come on.
[ Man ]
Park it over there.
[ Jerry Lee
Barking, Growling ]
[ Man ]
What ? What ? What ?
It's bank day.
All right, I know
we're here to g et
some Kibble money.
I'm g onna g o
to that ATM machine
and g et some cash.
Stay here and watch my car. I spent
a lot of money restoring this car.
You protect my car.
[ Whining )
And don't
chang e the music.
Stay.
Don't bite my--
Watch for bad guys
near my car.
[ Woman ]
When's your car g ettin'done ?
[ Man ] Wednesday, I think.
[ Woman ]
What a hassle.
[ Man ] Yeah.
[ A TM Beeping ]
''Checking, savings.''
No savings, checking.
''Smoker, nonsmoker ?''
Nonsmoker.
'' Democrat, Republican ?''
Democrat.
[ Man ]
Didn't I tell you
to stay in the car ?
Get in the car.
Good boy.
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Get down !
Police ! Get down !
Get down !
Police !
Police !
Down, g et down !
No, not here.
Not by my car !
Oh, man.
[ Guard ]
C ode Red! C ode Red!
We're under fire.
Repeat, we're pinned down
and under fire.
Some partner you are.
Why didn't you warn me,
at least ?
[ Guard ] Is this guy
after the money, or is
he just pissed at your car ?
Can you reload, please ?
Thank you.
[ Gunfire C ontinues ]
My speaker !
My stereo.
We're g onna take this guy out.
You cover us,
and don't be afraid
to use the gun !
Come on, Jerry Lee !
Hey, come on.
Open up.
Come on.
Shut the door.
Okay, so I forg ot.
It's a bulletproof window.
All right, you son of a bitch,
we both have armor now.
We g ot him.
No, no, not
the running thing.
I hate the running thing.
Let's g o.
[ Growling )
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
[ Grunting )
[ C oughing ]
[ Grunting, Groaning )
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
-Jerry Lee !
- [ Panting )
[ Man ]
Jerry Lee !
[ Moaning, Gasping )
Come on.
Jerry Lee, come on !
[ Screams )
Aah !
- [ Motor Rewing )
- [ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Damn it !
- [ Grunting ]
- [ Whining )
[ Groaning )
Hey !
He's g one.
[ Coughing )
Why didn't you jump ?
Come on.
[ Whining )
What do you mean--
[ Imitates Whining )
What, are you leavin'
it all for me ? H uh ?
Christ, what's
with you lately ?
What's with you ?
We almost had that guy.
[ Whining )
[ Panting )
You know why
cops have dogs ?
So they don't
have to do this !
That's the deal.
Manag ement, labor.
Foreman, employee.
Boss, secretary.
I walk, you run.
I cuff 'em, you catch 'em.
You g et treats,
I g et a promotion.
[ Gasping )
I can't breathe !
[ Gasping )
My car !
Jerry Lee, look what
he did to my car !
Look what they did!
I couldn't even sell it
to a cheese factory.
Hey, Dooley !
Check this out.
It's a modified M-1 6.
A company called...
Armaments 2000's
doin' the retrofit.
It's supposed to be
for military use only.
Where did you hear that ?
I saw it
in a gun magazine.
Did you pick that up
on the street ?
Yeah.
Are you supposed to be
messin' with evidence ?
No.
Give me that.
Go g et me some coffee.
Well, Jerry Lee, so much
for the Brady Bill, huh ?
- Dooley ?
What are you doing here ?
- H i, Captain.
[ Sighs )
What happened ?
U h, well, there was a,
uh, equipment failure.
Equipment failure ?
The bad guy had Air Jordans on.
It was no contest.
What about Jerry Lee ?
He needs four little
Air Jordans too ?
You mean they make
those for dogs ?
That was a rhetorical question.
You know, Captain,
you should let people know
when you plan to be rhetorical,
'cause your tone of voice
never chang es.
You think you're funny ?
Sometimes.
This isn't
one of those times.
Jerry Lee, he just hit me !
Quit bein' a smart-ass.
Tell me what happened.
Again !
The bad guy had
a full body armor on.
That should have given you
the advantag e.
It was that lightweight stuff.
What can I tell you ?
The guy had a rocket up his ass.
What the hell is that ?
This here ?
U h, this was the shooter's.
This is a modified M-1 6.
A company
named Armaments 2000
does the retrofit.
It's apparently
for military use only.
How do you know all that ?
I'm trying to better myself
by taking night seminars.
Ah, shut up, will you ?
You better sit down.
You look pale.
Probably because you hit me.
And give that dog there
a drink of water.
Jerry Lee is fine,
and so am I.
You don't look fine.
Sit down before you fall down.
Now.
Detective Harris ?
Yes.
It's the smog !
Take this to the lab
and check it for prints, okay ?
You know, Dooley,
every time
you g o someplace lately,
people try to kill you.
Well, I'm a popular guy.
Look, I'm serious here.
You've lost three suspects
in three weeks !
Come--
You are either
out of your league...
I am not out of my league.
or you've lost a step.
What are you talking about,
''lost a step'' ?
You should have taken
time off after Tracy died.
- That has nothing
to do with it, Captain.
- Oh. Are you sure ?
Absolutely sure.
When was the last time
you had a physical ?
Physical.
Is that the blood pressure,
when they do the--
[ Laughs, Whimpers )
I want you both checked out.
You understand me ?
I obviously can't
count on you anymore.
Hey !
What about my car ?
Have your detailer look at it.
He can probably rub it out.
Rub it out ?
I guess I can
drive it at night.
Nobody'll see it.
C ome on, Jerry Lee.
C ome on. Get in.
My poor car.
[ Sighs )
Aw, he g ot
my cup holder too.
[ Barks )
[ Motor Starting ]
[ Woman ]
I'm so sorry we're late.
[ Man ] It's okay, I haven't
been waiting long, and thank you
very much for meeting me.
[ Dooley ]
Ah, you know what ?
It's my fault.
[ Woman )
Devon Lane, this is my husband,
Detective Dooley.
[ Dooley ) N ice to meet you.
[ Devon )
Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
[ Devon ) I'm so ex cited--
[ Dooley ) Can we g et
some drinks over here ?
''De-vawn, ''you want a beer ?
[ Devon ]
It's Devon.
[ Dooley ]
Devon. Sorry.
What's with the tape recorder ?
[ Devon ] I'm a writer.
I tape everything.
[ Tracy ] Devon,
I just want to say that I see
real potential in your work.
[ Devon ]
Potential ? Really ?
[ Tracy ] Oh, yeah.
He's been a cop a long time.
Maybe he can help you
with some of that cop stuff.
[ Devon ] Would you ?
[ Dooley ] Well, yeah, sure.
You okay, honey ?
[ Tracy ]
I'll be fine. I'll be back
in a few minutes. Excuse me.
[ Devon ]
Tracy told me
you read my manuscript.
[ Dooley ]
Yeah, I did.
I didn't read the whole thing.
I read the first
and the last chapter.
That's really
all I had time for.
[ Devon ]
The first and last chapters ?
[ Dooley ] I g otta tell ya,
uh, it's--
it wasn't really that real.
[ Devon ] It wasn't real ?
[ Dooley ] No, it wasn't real.
I didn't believe a lot of the--
all that cop stuff you
have in there-- the shootouts
and the bank robbery.
That's not really
how it happens.
[ Devon ] It wasn't real ?
[ Dooley ] That's all ri ght.
It's your first attempt, man.
Don't worry about it.
You'll g et there.
- [ Woman ]
Any loss of appetite ?
- No, I'm eatin' pretty well.
- Not you, the dog.
- Oh, uh--
No, he's fine.
- Okay, I'm g onna increase
the speed and incline.
- Why ?
[ Thuds ]
Well, that's the standard
test for canines, Detective.
Oh.
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
What ?
I can hold the handrail.
H umans can hold the handrail.
All right,
all right, all right.
Have you noticed
any chang es in him ?
Yeah, he doesn't chase
the little chuck wag on across
the kitchen floor anymore.
Any loss of hearing
or smell ?
Well, that depends on
what you mean by ''any.''
Well, maybe sometimes,
a little bit.
Well, there's nothing
wrong with your dog.
Really ?
He's just suffering
from the effects of aging.
You should slow
him down a bit.
Why ?
Would you send
your grandfather out
to try and do your job ?
I wouldn't send my grandfather
to microwave popcorn.
So why would you
send out Jerry Lee ?
'Cause my grandfather's too old.
- So is Jerry Lee.
- What do you mean ?
Look at him. He looks great.
Do you know that
do gs are leading long er
and healthier lives these days ?
Where did you hear that ?
Seminar. At night.
I try to better myself.
Oh, you're trying
to better yourself ?
Maybe you should g et a checkup.
You've g ot high blood pressure.
Your face is bright red.
That is
a drinking problem !
Well, what do you know ?
You're a vet.
You both need to be
on special diets.
The same one ?
No. You should be on
a low-fat, low-sodium diet.
The dog needs to be
on a senior maintenance
meal plan.
[ Whining )
What the hell's that ?
Lamb and rice
for older dogs.
It might give him some
flatulence for a week or so,
but nothing to worry about.
[ Sighs )
Nothing for you to worry about.
I g otta live with the damn dog.
You trying to be funny ?
No.
I forg ot my wallet,
so can I write a check ?
Do I g et
any free samples ?
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
Senior maintenance.
Hey, your day.
You checked out great.
You just, uh--
You're out of shape.
[ Whines )
C ome out here
on the floor
Let's rock some more
C ome out here
on the floor
Honey, let's rock some more
[ Vomiting )
Now, when you g et out here
Don't you have no fear
Put your hands on your hips
Come on. Let's g o.
And let your backbone slip
And work out
Ahh, my mama moved up
First step
Honey moved back
Second step
Shuffle to the left
Third step
Travel to the ri ght
Come on. Let's jump.
Now it's plain to see
You put a hurtin'on me
But it's a natural fact
Hah, I like it like that
So work out
Yeah, baby, work out
[ Barking )
Work it, baby
Work it out
Baby, work out
Work it, baby
Work it out
Aah, baby, work out
Work it, baby, work it out
Shout and tell
It's comin'out
Work it, baby
Work out
Work out, work out
Work out, work out
Work all ni ght long
Yeah, yeah
[ Skipped item nr. 250 ]
[ Grunts )
Come on !
Hey, hey.
Come here, you.
Come on.
[ Barking )
Come on. J ust do it.
Work it out
Aah
Ow ! Ow !
Baby, runnin'down the hall
Don't you know
Don't you know
'Round and 'round we g o
Where we stop
Nobody knows
Yeah
The band is swingin'
on the stand, we're movin'in
we're movin'out
I think we'll step back now
and end this dance
with a shout
So work out
Now when I tell you to shout
I want you to jump at it
Come on !
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
Yeah, yeah, baby
Let's shout
Shout, baby, shout, shout
Honey, let's shout
J ump, jump, jump !
Aah, baby, let's shout
Shout, baby, shout, shout
Yeah
and turn it out, baby
Hey !
What are you doing
on my spot ?
[ Whining )
That's my spot.
Here.
[ Whines )
That'll make
you feel better.
You all right ?
What's the matter
with your lamb and rice ?
You don't like it ?
Here.
H uh ? Here.
How's that ?
Nothin', huh ?
[ Telephone Ringing ]
But this
is g ood for us.
Think we should
work out every day.
- Very tribal.
- [ Ringing C ontinues ]
Yeah, some insurance company
you are. I called the office
three hours ag o about my car--
Hey ! Jeez !
Jerry Lee !
Come here.
Lie down. Down.
[ Man )
I just saved you
300 calories.
- Who is this ?
- You should be drinking
light beer.
Less filling,
and it won't slow you down.
And Dooley,
you better pay attention to
the ''won't slow you down'' part.
I could have beat you
running backwards, old man.
- What do you want ?
- Don't tell me you haven't
figured it out yet, Detective.
Three times
in three weeks, Dooley.
I could have taken you out
anytime I wanted.
I want you to know how
it feels to have someone else
control your destiny.
Jerry, down !
How it feels to have
someone else destroy your life.
What do you want ?
It's hard to lose
a loved one.
Isn't it, Dooley ?
But then, sometimes life
just has a way...
of kicking you in the face,
just when you think
you've g ot it made.
Hey, why don't you
come in.
You and I, we can have
a beer, we can chat.
And then
I'll bust your ass.
You're in no position,
literally, to start
playin' bad guy, Dooley.
- [ Growling, Barking ]
- [ Motorcycle Engine Revving ]
[ Dooley )
...about my car.
Hey ! Jeez !
Jerry Lee ! Come here.
''Chapter Six. Spoon-fed
information by our hero,
'' Detective Dooley finally
figures out he is the targ et.
'' But he still
has no idea why.
[ Dooley's Voice ] Who is this ?
Life is about to g et
a little more real.''
[ Man On Tape )
I could have beat you
running backwards, old man.
Don't tell me you haven't
figured it out yet, Detective.
Three times
in three weeks, Dooley.
I could have taken you out
anytime I wanted.
[ Dooley )
Well, at least we know now
we're being set up.
Now, if we could just keep
Byers off our back.
You let me
do the talkin', huh ?
[ Jerry Lee Growls )
Oh, am I sore.
[ Groans )
Okay.
[ Dooley ]
How are you feelin' ?
C ome here.
[ Barking ]
C ome on. Stay with me.
You know what, Jerry Lee ?
That vet was wrong.
We're not g etting old.
We're g etting sexier
and better and wiser.
[ Barks )
[ Chattering )
[ Man ]
Everybody duck.
It's Dooley.
Don't listen to him.
- [ Whining )
- Lay down, Jerry Lee.
- [ Whines )
- What's with him ?
What ?
He's not a morning dog.
Listen, last night
the shooter called.
Took a shot at me.
H it my beer.
Why didn't you
call it in ?
I g ot another beer.
But wait a minute,
he said something weird.
Something really strang e.
He said, ''It's hard to lose
a loved one, isn't it ?''
- Is he talkin' about Tracy ?
- I don't know.
Could be anything.
Could be a reveng e act,
it could be somebody I know.
- I-I-I don't know.
- Harry Stipe. Harry Stipe.
He swore that
he would g et you after
what happened to his brother !
No, Harry Stipe's
doin' five to ten.
Not anymore. He g ot paroled.
- Harry Stipe is out ?
- Yeah, it just came in.
- Stipe is out,
and nobody told me ?
-J ust came across my desk.
Give me the parole officer's
name. I want his address.
Not so fast, Dooley.
Come on !
Give it to me.
Sit.
[ Whines )
There's some guy out there
gunnin' for you. You're not
g oing anywhere alone anymore.
- Not this again.
- Welles, g et in here.
Welles ?
And bring Z eus with you !
- Z eus ?
- [ Snarling )
- [ Growling )
- Hey, whoa-ho-ho !
Meet your new partners.
No way !
- You're not g onna actually
let them in here, are you ?
- I certainly am.
- Detective Dooley.
- Officer Welles.
- Serg eant Welles now.
- Oh. Sorry, I didn't know.
- Good, you two know each other.
- Yeah, we had a moment
a little while ag o.
- Before he, uh--
[ C oughs ]
- [ M umbling )
Look, I don't see
what that dog is g onna do
that Jerry Lee can't do.
Z eus !
[ Speaking Dutch )
[ Speaking Dutch ]
Very impressive, Welles.
- Dooley ?
- What ?
He was trained
in antiterrorist tactics.
Could he g o into a mini-mart
and pick up a six-pack of beer ?
He attacks through windows.
Well, Jerry Lee
has mastered Windows '98.
Got his own chat room.
'' Dogs for Dogs'' ?
[ Shouting I n Dutch )
Jerry Lee
can do that.
You can do that,
can't you ?
[ Whining )
Captain ? I really don't
think this is a g ood idea.
-I couldn't agree more with her.
-Dooley shouldn't
even have that dog.
He's not trained
as a canine officer.
He's a dog with a pet.
- [ Growls )
- Ooh !
Aren't we a little moody ?
- [ Growls )
- Z eus and I can handle
this case alone.
I g ot news for you.
Once I g et a parolee's address,
this case is closed.
Then I g ot news for you.
A parolee doesn't even
fit the profile.
Profile ?
What is this,
an Olympic moment ?
This is a police
investigation here.
Really ?
I wouldn't have guessed.
You don't need a profile
to catch a bad guy.
All you need is a g ood cop
with g ood instincts.
I'm glad you said
''g ood cop,'' because so far,
your instincts suck !
You two are g onna
g et along great.
Dooley, I need
to talk to you alone.
No offense, Serg eant.
No offense
taken, Captain.
See you outside,
partner.
Hey! If you're
g onna ride with me,
g et out of that uniform and
be on my desk in five minutes.
''At.''
He meant ''at.''
No, I meant ''at.''
''At. ''
At my desk.
''At. ''
[ M uttering I n Dutch )
What is wrong with you ?
Didn't you g o to
the sexual harassment seminar ?
I missed that one.
I was-- I was at
another seminar.
All right, forg et about it.
She'll probably
be cool about it.
Ah, look.
Put Jerry Lee outside.
H-He can't testify.
Look, just have him
wait outside.
He can keep a secret !
Have him wait outside !
All right.
Come on, Jerry.
U h, I g ot a delivery
for, uh, Detective Dooley.
Sign, please.
U h, there's
a complementary card in there.
Thank you.
I saw the vet report
today, and, uh,
[ Sighs )
you need to--
[ Dooley ]
What ?
[ Jerry Lee Whines ]
You better give
some serious th--
You need to give thought
to g etting a newer dog.
What ?
Well, one like Z eus.
Yes.
Z eus ?
That crazy, psycho do g ?
Are you kiddin'me ?
He wouldn't last five minutes
with me-- I'd kill him !
Look, he probably
doesn't even drink.
I don't need a new dog.
You know what I need is
a bigg er gun-- one like this.
Will you put that away,
you idiot ?
Or one like this.
Where did you g et this ?
This-This is L.A., not Dallas.
How about this one ?
Look, I g ot a guy
out there with an M- 1 6
takin'shots at me,
and all I g ot...
is this.
Dooley, firearms,
that's not the problem.
The problem is Jerry Lee.
What ?
Well, if he misses a step,
you could lose your life.
Don't you understand ?
That's why I'm giving you
both new partners.
I read that vet report.
The vet report said you were
in the best shape you've
ever been in your life.
Alert. Responsive.
He's a killer !
You're a stud dog,
Jerry Lee.
- [ Whines )
- See ?
You see that ?
You see his sly
and uncanny way ?
He's pretending to be
asleep so he can pounce.
Good boy, Jerry Lee.
Come on. Let's g o.
Come ! Jerry.
Hot do gs !
Hamburg ers !
Chili!
[ Whining )
Hey, Dooley.
These flowers were
just delivered for you.
M ust have been
a wild night.
''Was last night
as g ood for you
as it was for me ?''
- Who gave you these ?
- The delivery guy.
- What did he look like ?
- Green pants, black belt.
You saw him from
the waist down, that's it ?
I was sittin' in--
What are you doing ?
Touching evidence again ?
Puttin'your prints
all over this ? Listen to me.
You see these gloves ?
I want you to wear these things.
Forever !
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Take these down to the lab
and have them dusted.
[ Welles ]
Z eus ! C ome !
Come on. Let's g o.
That Welles and that
stupid psycho dog is probably
sittin' up at the desk.
You and I can g o g et
the bad guys ourselves.
Hey !
We were just
looking for you.
Weren't we, Jerry ?
Check this out.
If you look
at the holes, they actually
spell out something.
It says, ''Even though
I'm older and slower,
I'm still the same asshole
as I was before. ''
Very funny.
That's very funny.
You think that was funny ?
[ Sighs )
Come on, Jerry Lee.
Z eus !
[ Dutch )
I can do that.
All right, look.
I want to g et
one thing straight...
before we g o on here,
all right ?
What went on between
you and me is history.
Now, you have g ot
to let it g o.
I don't even think
about it anymore.
And neither should you.
Okay ?
Okay.
What do you mean, okay ?
I mean okay.
Okay,
you agree with it,
or okay, you don't
think about it anymore ?
Okay. I don't think about it.
How can you not
think about it ?
You said you don't
think about it.
Well, of course not.
I mean, I'm-I'm-I'm--
But what ? What ?
What ? You're so irresistible,
how could I not think about it ?
Well--
Because, you know,
it was one night.
Heat of the moment stuff.
Absolutely right !
Right.
Get in.
[ Sighing, Swearing
I n Dutch )
What was that ?
What ?
Nothing.
And you, dog,
let's g et one thing straight
between you and me, all right ?
N umber one: No barking,
no drooling, no f--
passing of gas...
or performing
any bodily functions
in or about my car.
N umber two: You always
sit in the back seat.
N umber three:
Never give me any lip.
- [ Growling )
- That's neg otiable.
That's neg otiable.
J ust relax.
Jerry Lee, watch him.
Ticket ! Look at that !
I think she follows
me around.
J ust put it in
the glove compartment.
Dooley !
How many parking tickets
do you have ?
Put 'em in the glove compartment
and shut it.
Do you know how to park a car ?
Shut it !
[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]
U gh, I'm g onna need
a tetanus shot from
just sitting in this car.
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Dooley ]
We're g oing to Harry Stipe's.
We're g oing to arrest him,
and you'll never have
to see me again, all ri ght ?
Fine.
[ Dooley ] Your do g likes
to look through windows ?
He attacks through windows.
[ Dooley ]
Yeah, but can he sing ?
[ Welles ] What ?
Jerry Lee can sing.
[ Chuckling )
Yeah, right.
[ Dooley )
Home, home on the rang e
[ Jerry Lee Howling )
Hear that ? Come on, Jerry Lee.
Where the buffalo--
[ Howling Continues )
[ Welles ]
I'm tellin'ya, he's not
the guy we're lookin'for.
And how would you know that ?
Because he doesn't
fit the profile.
Profile.
[ Clears Throat )
Welles,
this is a profile.
A profile is only g ood
when you're trying
to narrow down suspects.
We need a list
of suspects first.
It's not him.
Okay, then.
Stay in the car.
And you too. You stay.
Jerry Lee ? Let's g o.
[ Growling )
We are not staying
in the car.
- Don't look at me like that.
- Look at you like what ?
Not you.
H im.
I g ot a weapon.
I'll use it.
We are trained K-9 officers.
We don't do ''stay in the car.''
Why don't you...
and your little puppy
g o in through the back ?
He's not a puppy.
And why do we have to g o in
the back ? Why don't you ?
We don't do back doors.
Come on !
[ Barking ]
[ Muttering In Dutch ]
[ Shouts In Dutch ]
Wow.
Look at this.
You know, I hear
they're converting this
to condos ?
If we take some out
of your money market fund,
we can buy one of these
and use it as a rental.
I hear conversions
can be a great investment.
Condos and--Jesus !
[ Jerry Lee Barks ]
I mean, Jesus,
I'm glad you're here.
Watch our backs, please.
[ C ouple Yelling ]
All right, Jerry Lee.
Time to g o to work.
Wait up.
Come on.
[ Yelling C ontinues
In Forei gn Languag e ]
[ Softly )
Jerry Lee.
This is Harry Stipe's.
Remember ? Come here.
[ Whispers )
Sit down.
[ Whining ]
Where is she now ?
We should have went around back.
[ Barking ]
[ Man Groaning ]
What's the matter, Harry ?
I hit ya ?
[ Harry ]
You son of a bitch !
You ruined my best pants, man !
Ooh, you g ot
a potty-mouth there, buddy !
You kiss your mom
with that mouth ?
Throw out the shotgun,
and any other weapons.
And don't forg et any.
[ Thumping ]
I g ot Jerry Lee
here with me.
You know what he'll do
if he finds them !
[ Thumping, Crashing ]
Hey, listen, man.
You just keep that dog
away from me, all right ?
I don't want to deal
with Jerry Lee again, man.
You know, last time we met,
it wasn't a g ood thing.
Jesus, Harry.
- What, are you planning
to g o back to night school ?
- I need a little protection.
You know what
I'm saying, man ?
Is that everything ?
[ Jerry Lee Growling ]
Yeah.
- Okay, Jerry Lee.
- [ Barking Fiercely )
- Oh ! Oh ! Hey, man, you g et
that dog away from me, man.
- Back it up, Harry.
Easy, Jerry Lee.
Easy. Check it out.
Back up, Harry.
Hold it ri ght there.
[ Stipe ]
Easy, do ggie. Calm down.
Shh !
So, where you been
lately, Harry ?
Shootin' at armored cars ?
Makin' midnight calls ?
[ Welles ] Z eus !
- What ?
- Step away
from the window, Harry.
- H uh ?
- The window, Harry.
Step away.
All right, man.
- [ Shrieking )
- [ Whimpering )
- So, where were you yesterday ?
- What do you mean, man ?
I was right here.
- Don't lie to me, Harry.
- I'm not lyin' to you, man.
Look, you see this ?
It's not a social beeper.
It's a house arrest bracelet.
It's like a LoJack on my leg.
It g oes off,
everybody's here.
Cops, SWAT team,
my parole officer, everybody !
A-All ri ght, okay.
Let me see your parole papers.
I'm really happy you're here,
man, I g otta tell you.
And you too.
They're out there
and they want to kill me.
They want to kill me.
Here you g o, give it to him.
[ Shudders )
Ooh ! Hey, easy.
- Thank you, Jerry.
- Hey, man, you know what ?
- I want to thank you
for putting my brother in.
- Where'd you g et the gun ?
Oh !
They were here
when I moved in !
Oh, really ? I didn't see
the sign when I came in:
'' Free cable and ammo.''
- Oh, yeah. There's a sign.
-Jerry Lee ?
Fat Tommy, man.
Fat Tommy g ot 'em for me.
I thought you couldn't
leave the place.
He delivers.
So, if he didn't
make it in 30 minutes,
you g et free ammo ?
Hey, you know,
I didn't think about that.
- Fat Tommy g et
military weapons too ?
- Oh, yeah. M ilitary stuff.
He's g ot everything, man.
He's g ot a big-time supplier.
- Who ?
- I don't know.
- Police, freeze !
- Aah !
I heard gunshots !
Wait. Where's my dog ?
- Dog ? What dog ?
- [ Whining )
[ ''Pretty Woman '']
Great instincts, Dooley.
So, what now, big guy ?
[ Dooley ]
You know, after battle,
do gs and men like a treat.
Jerry Lee was g ood,
so he g ets a treat !
Walkin'down the street
Pretty woman
The kind I like to meet
Where's he g oin' ?
U h, he knows
it's treat time.
I don't believe you
You're not the truth
No one could look
as g ood as you
- Mercy
- I can't believe you're g oing
to feed your dog this.
Surest way to kill him
is with this garbag e.
He should be eating nothing
but senior maintenance.
You know what ? I tried that
senior maintenance. I liked it.
I mean, with a beer.
- [ Whimpering )
- Pretty woman
I don't have any money.
I forg ot my wallet
at the station.
You g ot $ 30 on you ?
Figures. Yes.
- And you're lonely
just like me
- [ Whining )
[ Imitates Growl ]
[ Z eus Barking ]
Hey !
What's with your dog ?
What ? He's fine.
- I don't think he likes me.
- [ Barking )
What ? What's
with this guy ?
He has to g o to the rest room.
Oh.
Oh, to be a dog.
Ex cuse us.
Pretty woman
give your smile to me
No, no.
He wants some privacy.
Do you mind ?
The dog ?
The dog.
Thank you.
I like it
myself sometimes.
- Pretty woman, look my way
- Excuse me ? Excuse me.
Have you seen
a white poodle ?
White ?
Mm-hmm.
[ I nhales Deeply )
No. Mm-mm.
I'll treat you ri ght
H urry up !
- [ Jerry Lee Whining ]
- Where's your dog ?
-Jerry Lee ? Jerry Lee !
- [ Panting ]
- Be mine toni ght
- Hey, what languag e is it
that you speak to that dog ?
Dutch.
He was trained
in the Netherlands.
Oh, the Netherlands !
'Scuse me !
Jerry Lee
was trained in Oxnard.
You know, the best K-9 do gs
come from Oxnard.
I could learn so much
from you, Dooley.
God, I hate it
when people don't pick up
after their dogs !
Breed their dogs
in the park.
They don't take care.
They breed dogs in the park.
That's the worst thing--
[ Groaning )
Dooley!
What the hell are you doing ?
Have you lost your mind ?
- Jesus, do you always
throw women around the park ?
- Stupid kid.
[ Screaming )
Let g o.
Tell the mutt g et off.
- Clog ! Heineken ! Heineken !
Oppenheimer. Dutch Schultz !
- [ Sighing )
- Come on, let g o. Let g o !
- Z eus !
[ Speaking Dutch )
- [ Moaning )
- Moron.
[ Dutch )
[ Groaning )
My shirt.
He wrecked my shirt.
[ Welles Cursing In Dutch ]
Jerry Lee !
[ Groans )
Shit !
Where have you been ?
What, did you take her out
to dinner too ?
Come on,
I g ot your hot dog.
[ Scoffs )
You g et lucky,
I g et shit.
Come on.
What took you so long ?
[ Dooley ]
Hey, Welles, give me a--
I thought he was g onna shoot ya.
[ Welles ]
What ? A kid with a toy gun
was g onna shoot me ?
[ Welles C ontinues,
Indistinct ]
Checkmate.
[ Welles )
Why are we parking
all the way out here ?
I don't want anybody
bangin' my doors.
Banging your doors ?
Your doors are all shot up.
Don't be so negative.
Oh, Z eus.
[ Dutch )
- Come on.
- Hey, Jerry Lee. Come here.
[ Sniffing )
What is that smell ?
Smell ?
U gh !
[ Yelling, Chattering )
M ikey.
What's up, man ?
Ex cuse me.
[ Knocking ]
Hello !
You know where
Fat Tommy is ?
Never heard of him.
Fat. Tommy.
Big guy.
Never heard of him !
He's big.
He's g ot a big belly.
Is he at brunch now ?
Don't know who
you're talking about.
Buffet ? Lunch ? Dinner ?
Nope.
Come on, you must have seen
him walkin' down the street.
With a light on him,
he looked like a fire truck ?
Never.
Jerry Lee, you hear that ?
He never heard of Fat Tommy.
Thanks, man.
N ice haircut.
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
What ?
I can do that.
Keep your elbows up.
Little higher.
That's it, that's it.
Yeah.
[ Jerry Lee Whining ]
Gonna g et some tape.
Gotta wrap the tape.
[ I nhales Sharply )
All right, everybody.
Listen up !
Yo ! Listen up !
Yo ! I'm talkin'
to you, Rocky !
I'm lookin'
for the Fat Man.
Oh, I didn't know this was
''I'm not talkin' to the cop''
day. I understand.
Hel-lo !
That's quite a command
you have there, Dooley.
Well, smarty-pants,
I thought maybe I'd
let you and the psycho dog,
you know, do a little work.
I think we will.
Z eus !
- [ Shouts I n Dutch )
- [ Fi ght Bell Ringing ]
[ Z eus Growling ]
[ Panicky Shouting )
[ Man Shouting ]
C ome on, lady.
Call your do g off!
You know,
your dog has some
real control issues.
Think you should
work with him at it.
You know.
[ Z eus Growling ]
[ Dutch )
[ Man ]
Whose mutt is this ?
Okay. Now watch
some real police work.
[ Man ]
Get this do g outta here !
What the hell
are you idiots
doin' up there ?
Hey, Fat Tommy,
how ya doin' ?
Keep that dog
away from me !
Wow ! Look at you !
You've lost a lot of weight.
You're lookin' g ood,
Fat Tommy !
- What, did you have
your stomach stapled ?
- Keep that dog away from me.
I'll sue you
this time, I will.
You might have to,
unless you tell me who's
sellin' the M-1 6 retrofit.
I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
I'm a legitimate businessman.
Say hello to Jackie Hammer.
Maybe you heard of him.
They call him
''Fists of Steel. ''
He's the super middlewei ght
kickboxing champion.
He's the ultimate
fightin' champ.
I don't g et that
pay-per-view, you know ?
I'm sure he's very g ood.
I'm very impressed.
You impressed, Jerry Lee ?
Show him, Jackie.
[ Shouting, Yelling )
[ Fat Tommy ]
Jackie, stay away from that do g.
Hey, Fat Tommy,
what are you worried about ?
He's a g ood doggie.
Ooh !
Good thing your boy's
g ot a cup on, huh ?
- Otherwise, he'd be known
as Little Jackie Hammer.
- [ Whimpering )
I bet you g ot a lot
of money on this guy, huh ?
What kind of a psycho
would teach a dog to do
something like that ?
Actually,
he taught himself.
Jerry Lee.
[ Crowd Groaning,
Moaning ]
- [ Yelling )
- Yah !
The name, fat man,
or the boy loses his nuts.
[ Speaking I n A H igh Voice )
Tell him. Please.
- Phil Cag e.
- Phil Cag e ? As in,
'' Phil's Salvag e Yard'' ?
- Yeah.
-Jerry Lee.
You can let g o now.
Jerry!
[ Whimpering )
By the way, you look g ood.
You've lost a lot of weight.
Keep it up.
Thanks, Dooley.
I'm in the zone.
Yeah, it's
workin' for you.
[ Fat Tommy ]
I told you guys never
to g et caught in the corner.
What was all that
Kung Fu crap about ?
It wasn't Kung Fu.
It was Krav Maga.
God, Dooley,
g et out of the '7 0s.
Z eus and I trained
for two months at
the Israeli Defense Force.
Oh, yeah ?
What did they feed him ?
'' Kibbutz 'n' Bits'' ?
Ah, '' Kibbutz 'n' Bits.''
Did you like that ?
Come on, now, I know
you thought that was funny.
You're laughing inside.
You shouldn't
hold it in like that.
It's not g ood for your health.
[ Boxers Chattering ]
[ Coins Clattering,
Phone Dinging )
Phil's Salvag e.
This is Phil speaking.
Dooley and the police
are raiding your place
in ten minutes.
Who is this ?
- [ Hangs U p Receiver )
- [ Dial Tone )
Get the boys, g et the money,
g et the guns.
We g otta
g et the hell out of here.
[ Welles Whistles )
This is the perfect place
for your car.
Shall I call and have
a black-and-white pick us up ?
[ Chuckles )
Very funny. Cute.
Almost quaint.
[ Engine Rattles, Stops )
I'm g onna g o
and talk to Phil.
I want you
to stay in the car.
What ?
Stay !
I'm not a dog.
Well, that's obvious.
Dogs listen.
[ Guffaws )
This time,
we're g oing in the front.
Fine ! It's your choice !
Oh, you're actually
giving me a choice ?
Yeah. Front, back ?
We'll take the front.
Fine.
No, no, no, no, no.
I see what you're doing here.
What do you want ?
I want the front.
Then we'll take the front.
Fine.
I'll take the back.
What happened to ''Jerry Lee
and I don't do back doors'' ?
I'm trying to compromise, dear.
You want the back ?
Yes.
Then we'll take the back.
Fine.
I'll take the front.
No way ! That's what you
wanted me to say, and that's
what you wanted me to take.
We'll take the front.
Fine !
Take the front !
I don't care !
Sure you don't.
We'll take the back.
Z eus !
[ Whispering )
Bad dog. Bad dog.
Works every time.
Come on.
[ Chuckles )
All right.
Keep your eyes open, Jer.
[ Man ]
That you, Dooley ?
Yeah, it's me, Phil.
Hey, Phil.
What's g oin'on here ?
I thought you went legit.
Oh, I could bullshit you,
Dooley, but the truth is,
it's easy money.
[ Z eus Growling ]
Come on !
- Those new guns, Phil ?
- How do you like 'em ?
Well, from this point of view,
they're quite impressive.
You know, Phil,
this is your third strike.
- They're g onna
throw away the key.
- Why do you think I'm shootin' ?
- It's nothin' personal.
- That's nice to hear.
- That's very caring,
loving and supportive.
- I had a g ood mother.
Z eus, stay !
[ Growls ]
Oh, boy.
Dance ! Dance !
[ Screaming )
Dance !
[ Screaming )
- Ah, what is life
if not to dance !
- [ Screams )
[ Growling, Barking ]
[ Man Screaming ]
- What kind of piece you usin' ?
- 9mm, standard issue.
- Yeah, I could set you up
with something special.
- Yeah ?
Tell me about
that M- 1 6 retrofit.
[ Chuckles ]
Little too pricey
for you, Dooley.
- You g ot any names ?
- I didn't ask it !
- You know what he looked like ?
- I wasn't looking at his face,
I was looking at the money.
I'm sure he looked
like your averag e,
creepy kind of gun nut.
- A lot like you !
- Well, Phil, you're g onna
need that sense of humor...
when they lock you away
for the rest of your life...
wearin' that
cute little sun dress.
[ Whispers )
Okay.
[ Whining )
[ Screaming )
You cook too ?
A lot of takeout.
Cuff him.
Call for backup.
I'm g oin'after Phil.
Come on, Jerry Lee.
Oh-oh-oh, man !
Down ! Down !
My car !
Move, move, move, move,
move, move, move !
Down !
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
My car !
Oh, no.
Not the running thing again.
Come on !
[ Sighs )
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that.
Look at that bike.
[ Grunts )
Come on, come on !
- Drop the gun !
- I can't.
[ Dutch )
- [ Growling )
- [ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Jerry Lee ?
Where are you ?
[ Dooley ]
Jerry Lee !
Oh ! Oh !
Holy shit !
[ Groaning )
[ Groans )
You're under arrest !
You have the right
to remain unconscious.
Anything you dream
will be held against you
in a court of law.
[ Barking ]
It's about time
you g ot here, Jerry Lee !
Jerry Lee ?
Everything okay ?
Yeah.
Jerry Lee's fine.
He only drinks water
every couple days.
J ust like a camel.
Probably on
his father's side.
That's an interesting trait.
It's very efficient too.
He pees all at once.
Is your dog on steroids
or something ?
No. Why ?
I've never seen a dog
like that not pant.
He's not tired.
How old is Jerry Lee ?
Oh, I don't know.
Well, how long have
you two been tog ether ?
It's the long est relationship
I've ever had.
You've g ot everything
tied up here,
so we've g ot
a couple of personal things
to take care of.
Come on.
Come on.
[ Man ]
Ah, too bad, Dooley.
Where are the marshmallows ?
Can somebody
give me a ride ?
[ Sighs )
Oh, this is a hill !
Ohh.
[ Grunting )
Ah, this is too much.
Phew !
You know, this isn't
a bad mode of transportation,
Jerry Lee.
No gasoline, no insurance.
No parking tickets.
I g otta g et
a little carriag e seat
for you in the back, though.
Hard day, huh, Jer ?
[ Whines )
A lot of action today.
Hey. Come here.
Come up on my spot.
You can sit up
on my spot.
Attaboy.
There you g o.
I just love ya
the way you are.
Good dog.
Powerful dog.
Handsome dog.
Pretty dog.
[ Whining )
Yeah.
Hey, you want
some chili ?
Oh, you want
more brush ?
You want some chili ?
I can make you some chili.
Got pretty ears.
Look at your ears,
how pretty they are.
Look at that.
You're so handsome.
[ Alarm Beeping )
[ Slaps Radio,
Alarm Stops ]
[ Truck Motor Rumbling ]
Hmm.
[ Glass, Metal Crashing ]
Hey ! Hey !
Hey, that's my car.
No, no, no, no.
It's not junk.
It's not junk.
Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on !
Get this thing out of here.
No, no. Not my car.
Get this garbag e truck
out of here !
Back it, back it.
Back it. Back it up.
U p ! U p ! U p !
Look, I just had it
towed back here.
What the hell
do you think you're doin' ?
My car !
For cryin' out loud.
A ticket !
[ Whistling ]
Jerry Lee ?
[ Continues Whistling )
Hey, Jer ?
Made your
favorite coffee.
Half cream,
three tablespoons
of sugar.
Good morning to you
Good morning to you
Hey, Jer.
I think it's a g ood idea
you stay home today.
Take a nap.
Get a little rest.
I'm g onna put on
some videos for ya.
There, look, I g ot,
uh-- I g ot Beethoven,
your favorite.
The original.
Jer ?
[ Dooley ]
Oh, Jer.
[ Sighs )
Jerry Lee ?
What are you doing ?
[ Whimpers Softly )
We can't g o in this car.
[ Whimpers )
Jerry Lee, you can't g o.
You can't g o to work
with me today.
Jerry Lee, come on.
Go inside.
Go inside.
Oh, you're playing
M r. Deaf, are ya ?
Do you want a time-out ?
You want a time-out ?
Fine.
Time-out !
Time-out's over.
Now you're grounded.
You are grounded, young man.
You g o up into your room,
no music, no TV,
no Beethoven, no park !
You g otta g o to the bathroom ?
Backyard for you.
Backyard !
Come on !
I'm g onna count to three,
and if you're not upstairs,
in that room,
you're in big trouble.
[ Whines )
One.
[ Motorcycle Approaching ]
Two.
Two and a half.
Three !
Fine !
[ Barks ]
Fine, g o !
Run away,
M r. I ndependent,
I-Don't-Need-M r. Dooley !
Go on, Jerry Lee !
Go with your friends !
- Sure, grass is greener
on the other side, huh ?
- Who are you yelling at ?
-Jerry Lee.
- Why ?
Oh, M r. Big Shot
decided to run away.
All right, so,
jump in the car.
We'll g o look for him.
Z eus will seek him out.
No, no, no, no.
He has to come to me.
That's the prodigal son.
He's g otta g o and come back.
I would be doing him damag e
if I went and chased him
down the street.
I am not g onna do it.
[ Whistling )
Jerry Lee ?
He's just been actin'
so weird.
Did he ever
run away before ?
No.
He's very sensitive.
Just like you.
I'm not sensitive.
He's sensitive. I'm--
[ Barking )
I'm just moody.
[ Dooley )
Jerry Lee !
Well, maybe Byers is ri ght.
Maybe Jerry Lee
just can't cut it anymore.
Byers said that ?
- Yeah, more than once.
- So, that's why
he assi gned us to you.
Yep.
Where is he g oing ?
[ Barking )
[ Dooley )
There he is !
[ Welles ]
In front of
the storag e building.
Jerry Lee !
Jerry Lee,
what are you doing ?
I'm sorry, Jerry Lee.
Did I hurt your feelings ?
What's with you ?
He's not running away, Dooley.
He wants you to follow him.
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Z eus, come !
I think he's on to something.
I hate stairs.
Jerry Lee ?
What do you g ot ?
He's keying in on something.
[ Whimpering )
Okay.
Okay, Jerry Lee,
back off.
Move out of the way.
What are you doing ?
I'm picking the lock.
We do it all the time.
That's what worries me.
[ Sighs )
You have a better idea ?
Yes.
One of us will stake out
the room from across the hall,
the other will g o g et a warrant.
Jerry Lee and I
do not do warrants.
Or back doors.
What else don't you do ?
We don't do flavored coffee.
We don't do aroma therapy.
We don't do raw fish.
Normally known as sushi.
Yes, we don't do that.
We don't do tofu.
We don't do collag en.
We don't do colonics.
We don't do e-mail.
We don't do head shrinkers,
group therapy, social workers.
We don't do
cute little doggy outfits.
We don't do shopping.
We don't do Near Beer
or little speedos.
Thank God.
And we don't do sporks.
I g et the point.
I'll g et the warrant.
Don't touch the lock.
[ Jerry Lee Whines ]
And we don't do, ''Ooh, is that
a pimple on your back ?
Can I squeeze it ?''
[ Z eus Barks ]
Jerry Lee, she didn't say
we can't touch that lock.
[ Gunshot ]
[ Jerry Lee Howling ]
Forty-four bottles
of beer on the wall
That's it.
Forty-four bottles of beer
[ Howling C ontinues ]
You're a g ood sing er.
Take one down
pass it around
Forty-three bottles
of beer on the wall
[ Howling Intensifies ]
Okay, we're done singing now.
All ri ght ? You happy ?
Stop it ! Stop ! C ome on.
The bad guy's g onna hear us.
Yeah, see ? Look.
I could stuff you
and put you on the wall.
See ?
Like a moose head.
You know, you're
the best dog I ever had.
You're the only dog I ever had,
but you're still
the number one guy.
You know, this is hard
for me to say, but--
[ Whimpers )
[ Sniffing )
Get away from me.
Is that you ? Was that you ?
[ Whimpers )
Oh, my God !
That is rancid !
[ Groaning )
[ Banging On Door )
[ Gagging )
What did you eat ?
[ Banging Continues )
Did you just cut another one ?
Did you ?
[ Gagging C ontinues ]
There's something alien in you !
Whew ! Whew !
Whew ! Whew !
You're off that
lamb and rice diet !
Oh, God!
[ C oughing ]
Dooley !
Oh !
[ Whimpering )
Oh ! Oh !
What is that smell ?
What ? What smell ?
Oh, don't tell me you don't have
a sense of smell.
My God !
My eyes are watering.
It was Jerry Lee !
Stop blaming the dog.
Honest to God,
it was Jerry Lee.
That is so sad, man.
You need to g o to a doctor.
No !
I swear!
It was Jerry Lee !
[ Whimpers Softly )
All right, I g ot the warrant.
Shoot off the lock.
I advise you to wait,
however, considering
the gas in this room.
You're g onna blow us up.
[ Gunshot ]
Seek.
Oh, yeah,
he's a gun nut, all right.
[ Welles ]
Looks like he's
some kind of writer.
Everything's written
under a different name.
He's g ot pictures of
his girlfriend or his wife
hanging up.
What ?
It's not his wife.
It's mine.
[ Jerry Lee Whimpering ]
[ Welles ]
They're picking up
the manuscripts later.
So, what do you think ?
I mean, they're all cop stories.
Every one of'em.
Tracy was an editor.
That rejection letter
she wrote was really nice.
Tracy was nice in every way.
That's why you disappeared
that night that we, um--
Kissed ?
Yes.
I'm sorry about that.
No, don't be sorry.
It was nothing to apologize for.
You just weren't ready.
Maybe.
Dooley, you really g otta
stop blaming yourself
for what happened.
No, I'm serious.
Listen, people die.
That is a fact of life.
You're a really g ood cop.
And so is Jerry Lee.
You g ot really great instincts.
You know ?
And they can't teach you that.
Trust me, I know.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
[ Barking )
Is he g onna bite me ?
Probably.
You know, that dog
is very co-dependent.
Can I take him
in the other room ?
You can try.
Z eus ?
Ham, cheese ?
[ Chuckles )
Look what I g ot.
Look what I g ot.
[ Growling )
Come on. Let's g o
in the other room.
That's g ood. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
That's my fing er.
No, that's my fing er.
That's my fing er.
You want a time-out ?
Want a time-out ?
Want a time-out ?
My fing er, my fing er.
Let g o, let g o, let g o.
Thank you.
Dooley !
I'm not g onna share.
Dooley, come here !
What ?
Come here.
What ?
This guy--
This guy is writing about you.
He's g ot everything.
He's g ot the bank shoot-out,
Harry Stipe, Fat Tommy.
Who wrote this ?
Um, I don't know.
A guy named Jeffery Barnes.
Probably a fake name.
Barnes.
No.
These all have
different pen names.
Who's the hero ?
Devon Lane.
Right ? Yeah.
Devon Lane.
Devon Lane.
Devon Lane.
Devon Lane.
I know Devon Lane.
Devon Lane turned in
a manuscript to Tracy.
She rejected it,
but she wanted me
to meet with him...
to talk to him about
what is was like
to be a cop.
He was really strang e.
He kept staring at her
through the whole--
Wait.
I'm g onna have an APB
put out on him immediately.
- Good work.
- You too.
[ Man On TV, Indistinct ]
Hey.
H i.
[ Chuckles )
I'm kinda hungry.
You hungry ?
You wanna eat ?
Yeah.
Yes !
I am a g ood cook.
I am a great cook.
I'm g onna fix you something.
Okay.
You're g onna love it.
You're just g onna love it.
[ Glass Breaks ]
[ Growls )
I'll clean it up.
I'll clean it up.
[ Glass Breaking ]
[ Whimpers )
Damn !
I'm g onna g et tupperware.
[ Man On TV] The g overnment
bill to crack down
on laboratory experiments...
on animals is expected
to become law today.
[ Man #2 ]
...then you should try Smith
Kennel's Table Scrap Snacks.
They taste and look
just like the scraps
your do g begs for at the table.
Small, delectable pieces
of toast crust,
scrambled egg bits--
[ TVC ontinues, Indistinct ]
Your do g will beg for more.
Here are some happy users.
[ Man #3 ]
Yeah, I came home for dinner
late last ni ght,
and I saw the do g was just
chomping away--
[ Growling ]
[ Growling C ontinues ]
''Coldsky.''
'' Brrrsky.''
All right, all right.
I'm dropping it.
Hey.
Wanna g o for a walk ?
Go for a walk ?
[ Whispers )
Watch her.
Okay, don't move.
[ TVC ontinues, Indistinct ]
Okay, a date.
I wanna take her out
on a date.
Date.
'' Daten-wag en.''
'' Daten-varganaire.''
'' Daten-schwarnenegg er.''
Tulips.
Heineken, Amsterdam, clogs.
I g otta g et
a Dutch dictionary.
All right.
I mean, she, you know--
She came on-- What ?
You g otta g o ?
You g otta g o ?
[ Z eus Urinating ]
You know, I like this neighbor.
She's a really nice old lady.
You shouldn't--
Oh, my God.
All I g ot are twenties.
That's all I g ot is a twenty.
Oh, my God!
[ Man On TV]
Call this
toll-free number now...
to order this revolutionary
new do g snack risk-free.
If your do g
doesn't really love them,
just return the unused portion
for a full refund.
Smith Kennel's
Table Scrap Snacks--
the healthy alternative.
If your pet experiences
drowsiness, hair loss
or diarrhea--
[ TV Shuts Off )
[ Whispers )
Good night, Z eus.
[ Whimpers )
[ Sighs )
[ Cat Screeches ]
[ Barks )
Come on.
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep.
Z eus, come.
Good morning.
[ Jerry Lee Whimpers ]
Good morning.
Good morning.
''Guten-morning.''
[ Barks )
What do you think ?
Like it ?
Okay, bud,
it's you and me.
[ Growls Softly )
Don't blow it.
Breakfast, anyone ?
[ Whimpers )
Was it something we said ?
Did she leave ?
Well, it's you and me again,
Jerry Lee. Come on, outside.
[ Whimpers )
Come on, come on, come on.
Leave me the marshmallows.
[ Telephone Ringing ]
She's calling,
probably to apologize.
Come on.
[ Ringing C ontinues ]
Hello.
You know, you could've
stayed for breakfast.
[ Devon )
I heard you finally g ot around
to reading my masterpiece.
Poignant, huh ?
You wanna know the ending ?
If you g et to her first,
she lives.
If you don't, she dies.
How's that for real, Dooley ?
See you soon.
[ Dial Tone )
Shit.
Where's that number ?
[ Dialing ]
[ Ringing ]
[ Z eus Barking ]
Pick it up. Pick it up.
Come on. Answer it.
[ Ringing )
[ Barking C ontinues ]
Pick it up !
Damn it !
[ Groans )
[ Telephone Ringing )
Byers.
Hey, Dooley.
What ?
Wait, slow down.
Slow down.
What are you talking about ?
He's after her.
Welles, that's who ! Welles !
Oh, no, no.
Come on. H uh ?
He would never come here.
He's not that crazy.
- Listen to me !
- [ Welles ]
You're completely surrounded.
- Shut up !
- You're in a police station,
for God's sakes.
Oh, my God.
[ Indistinct Yelling,
Shouting ]
[ Gunfire Continues )
[ Barking )
Hey !
Hey !
Hey, what are you doing ?
What are you doing
with all these tickets ?
You're following me !
You g ot a veng eance--
A boot ? You put--
I need a ride !
There's an emerg ency g oing on.
I need to take--
Here. Here, I'm sorry.
You want this ?
You want this ?
That's what I think--
Hey !
Get in. I'll show her.
Hmm !
[ Officer ]
Get down !
Get down !
I can't see him !
[ Officer #2 ]
We're under fire !
[ Devon ]
Take your shot !
Goddamn it ! Put your gun down !
[ Byers ]
Hold your fire ! Get down !
Stop that man !
[ Welles ]
Everybody g et down !
- [ Devon ] Shut up !
- It's all over.
[ Byers ]
Lay down, everybody!
Lay down !
Oh, for crying out loud.
[ Byers ]
Hold your fire !
He's backing out !
Okay, let's move up !
C ome on !
[ Officer ] Move ! Move !
Come here !
Z eus, g o on back !
[ Gunfire C ontinues ]
[ Welles ]
Back up !
You'll never make it
out of the building.
That's not the ending I wrote.
- Hey!
- Well, the g ood guy
finally arrives,
just in time to see
another loved one die.
Let her g o.
This is between you and me.
I g ot the station
locked down, Dooley.
He can't g et out.
Now, put the gun down,
Devon, and nobody g ets hurt !
Did you know
he killed his wife ?
I didn't kill her.
Tracy was very sick,
and she died.
Sick of you.
Sick of being a cop's wife.
You drove her
to an early grave.
[ Growling ]
Get your dog back.
Get him back, Dooley.
[ Dooley ] Can't do that.
You think
he listens to me ?
Get your dog back, Dooley.
Get him back,
or I'll shoot him right now.
Tracy loved that dog.
Loved that do g
more than anything.
Not more than me.
- She didn't even know you !
- Yes, she did.
She read my book.
That's me in that book.
She said I had potential.
She believed in me.
- [ Dooley ] I'm sorry
I didn't like your book.
- You didn't even read it.
I read part of it.
[ Devon ]
Tracy didn't have any problems
with my writing being real.
She liked my work !
I won't shoot the do g.
I'll shoot her.
- Shoot him, Dooley.
J ust take him out.
- Shut up !
- Shut up, Byers !
- Shut up, Byers !
- Shoot him !
Shut up !
I'm not g onna shoot him.
He needs help !
I don't need help.
- Yes, you do.
- [ Growling )
Tracy would want you
to g et help.
- She would ?
- Yes, she would.
- You're just saying that.
- No, I'm not.
- You're lying to me.
- I'm not.
Yes, you are.
You're lying to me.
All ri ght.
I'm lying to you.
I can't help you.
I don't wanna help you.
You're an idiot. You're a nut.
You're a jerk.
You understand English,
or do I need to speak in Dutch ?
Z eus !
[ Dutch )
[ Yelling, Shouting )
You all right ?
Yeah.
[ Byers ]
He's g oing upstairs !
Let's g o !
Come on, Dooley !
You can make it !
Only two more flights,
Dooley !
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
[ Devon ]
C ome on, old man !
[ Groans )
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
I need E.M.S. vehicles
and a SWAT team on the roof.
Right away !
You're pathetic, Dooley!
What Tracy saw in you,
I'll never know.
[ Groaning )
You didn't deserve her !
Aah !
She said my character
was strong.
She said I had potential !
Come on, Dooley !
C ome on, old man !
[ Panting, Groaning )
She wrote me a letter, Dooley !
She ever write you a letter ?
You moron !
That letter she wrote you
was a rejection letter!
Rejection ?
- Aah !
- How do you like the ending
to my book, Dooley ?
Do it !
I'll do it when I'm ready.
Do it !
Go ahead!
Do it !
Shut up !
I'm in control here, Dooley.
This is my story,
not yours !
Where do you want it ?
'Cause I'm deciding where you
should g et the next bullet.
You g ot any preferences ?
Is this real enough for you,
Dooley ?
You did it !
What took you so long ?
[ Whimpering )
[ I ndistinct Shouting )
I knew you could do it, buddy.
Welles, cuff him.
[ Jerry Lee Barking ]
Wait !
You can't have dogs in here.
They're police officers,
ma'am.
They're dogs !
Get them out of here.
The California State
Health C ode, section 45 7 8,
says absolutely...
under no circumstances are do gs
allowed in the hospital.
[ Woman On P.A.,
Indistinct ]
[ Whimpers )
[ Barks Softly )
[ M uttering )
What ? Come on.
Jerry Lee.
Come on. Don't slime me.
Your breath is so bad.
What have you been eating ?
[ Chuckling )
Okay. I'm okay.
Don't do that !
[ Groans )
Welles, I wanna thank you
for picking me up.
Are you actually showing me
some gratitude, Dooley ?
Well, yeah, I'm trying.
Good boy.
I am not a dog.
Yes, you are.
But dogs g et treats.
Treats ?
Dinner. What do you want ?
Chinese or Italian ?
Oh, you pick.
Your choice.
Oh, you're actually
giving me a choice ?
Yes, your choice.
Well, then I pick Chinese.
Chinese is fine.
No, that's what you
wanted me to say.
We're g oing for Italian.
Well, Italian is fine.
You actually want Italian ?
Yes.
Then we are g oing for Chinese.
Chinese is fine.
I don't care.
Yeah, sure you don't.
Works every time,
Jerry Lee.
I've g ot nothing but love
So much love
Hey, hey
Ain't g ot no money
Ain't g ot no fancy car
Don't live the life
of a millionaire
Or a movie star
There's nothing in this world
that I possess
To equal your lovin'
and tenderness
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
I've g ot nothing, girl
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
So much love
I've g ot nothing but love
for you, baby
Nothing but love
Yeah
I ain't g ot no bi g house
I don't eat no caviar
I g ot no obsessions
with foolish possessions
You're my lucky star
Don't need no diamonds
Don't need no pearls
As long as I g ot you
I'm the king of the world
And I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Love for you
I've g ot nothing
but love, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love, baby
Nothing but love
I've g ot nothing but love
Don't need no diamonds
Don't need pearls
As long as I've g ot you
I'm the king of the world
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Slave to love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Yeah, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Oh, yeah, baby
Yeah
Nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
Yeah, baby
I've g ot nothing
but love for you, baby
I g ot nothing but love
I've g ot nothing
but love for you