Kajillionaire (2022) Movie Script

[VEHICLES PASSING IN DISTANCE]
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
[]
- Five seconds.
- After this person.
- And clear.
- Not clear.
[WOMEN TALKING QUIETLY]
- Go.
- No.
Now.
[]
[]
This could be cash.
No. Money order.
Twenty.
Oh, I think
they sell these at...
I have a receipt
that'll work for this.
- Hmm.
- Toys and games. 12.99, Target. Easy return.
So, this is,
this is not a cheap tie.
[SIGHS]
Well, you can't see it, because
you're not of gentle birth.
[ROBERT AND THERESA LAUGH]
[]
It's empty!
[ROBERT SIGHS]
- [GROUND RUMBLING]
- [THERESA GASPS]
- [RUMBLING CONTINUES]
- [OBJECTS RATTLING]
[RUMBLING FADES]
[THERESA EXHALES]
Althea and Victor Young.
4305 Fairglen Road,
Ladera Heights.
Oh. We could take the 2.
It goes there from here.
We got time.
Um, do the Catholic
schoolgirl costume.
'Cause you've got
some heartstrings to pull.
And remember,
don't ask for a reward.
- Just let them come to you.
- [BAG UNZIPS]
- You got the watch, right?
- OLD DOLIO: Yeah.
[WATCH CLINKING]
[ROBERT CLEARS THROAT, WHISTLES A TUNE]
[VICTOR AND ALTHEA LAUGHING]
VICTOR: Wow. Look at this.
It was just right there.
I almost stepped on it.
All this time,
it was just right there.
Yeah.
Do you go to Sacred Heart?
[ROBERT WHISTLING TUNE IN DISTANCE]
Our daughter Jenny
went to Sacred Heart.
Here, let's have you
in for a Coke.
I've always believed in angels.
VICTOR: Not me.
That's her thing.
What's this?
It's a gift certificate.
Their daughter's a masseuse.
[THERESA SIGHS]
"Don't ask for a reward"
was plan A.
Plan B was "ask for a reward."
Rich people can be
very cheap sometimes.
They were talking
about her nonstop.
- She works at Mlisse, she went to college...
- Mlisse?
[SCOFFS] They were obsessed.
It was creepy.
That's the most expensive
restaurant in L.A.
- She just works there.
- Well, uh, even to work there,
you have to be rich.
- Oh. I mean, I...
- Wait a minute. Wait.
4305 1/2 Fairglen Road.
[WHISPERS]
4... 4503 1/2 Fairglen...
You-you were just... [STAMMERS]
Well, you were just there.
But th-this is, this is
the house right behind it.
- This is worth money.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- See, dollar signs.
- Yeah.
This-this...
[STAMMERS]
This type of high-end,
uh... you know.
- It's good. Yeah.
- It's worth $200 or $300.
Yeah.
Okay, um...
Wait.
Cash refund.
OLD DOLIO: Okay.
What about a percentage
of the total value?
Like 75% of the total value.
No. No, that's not how...
I'm sorry.
How do you, how do you
know my parents?
Or what about an exchange,
um, for that rock?
- No.
- No? Okay.
- Mm-mm.
- What about these?
No? Understood.
This. This, uh, this shelf.
And that's gonna be my final,
because it's just...
it's not worth very much
and I'm gonna be
taking a loss on-on...
...on the massage.
I'll take that.
Well, you don't want
a massage, right?
How long does this usually take?
Uh, your gift certificate
is for 60 minutes, so...
Oh.
[STAMMERS] N-No.
I-I don't need, um... could...
Do you think
we could do it in 20?
Okay.
[OLD DOLIO GASPS]
[GASPS]
[STRAINING QUIETLY]
Okay.
So just tell me
if it's too much pressure.
It's too much pressure.
[BREATH SHUDDERS]
- Is this better?
- Too much.
- How about this?
- [GROANS SHARPLY, GRUNTS]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
[SIGHS]
Is that better?
Yeah.
[SHUDDERS, EXHALES]
[PANTING SOFTLY]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
- [KNOCKING, DOOR OPENS]
- [GASPS]
- ROBERT: Hi.
- THERESA: We're with her.
- It was taking a while, so...
- [SNIFFLES]
ROBERT: No refund?
JENNY: No. I don't refund gifts,
but we're almost done.
She only wanted 20 minutes.
Okay, can we have that rock
for the other 40 minutes?
We won the Vitafusion giveaway
under six different names today.
Oh. And the Motor Trend
Dodge Viper GT Sweepstakes.
- That's a free visor.
- STOVIK: The little ones are popping!
Pop, pop, pop!
They're all popping!
Just st-stop. Hey. Okay?
Who's in charge of the, um...
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
A sport water bottle, BPA-free,
with a carabiner.
- Huh.
- I don't think we've won that before.
- [STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS]
- [WATCH ALARMS BEEPING]
- Not bad for a Wednesday.
- [BEEPING STOPS]
MAN: Hey, yo!
KELLI: Hey. Hey!
[]
[]
KELLI: Hey, you guys?
- [ROBERT SHUSHING]
- I h...
- I have a job.
- [WHISPERS] Shut the fuck up.
- Keep walking, keep walking.
- Ah.
- Fuck.
- February?
March? April?
WORKER: Come on, man,
this tank's empty.
Uh, we may have to pay
in installments.
- In install... No.
- Yeah.
No! No install... I mean,
rent is an installment.
It's a monthly installment.
We'll have it in the morning.
All...
February, March, April,
all 1,500.
Just, uh... yeah, we were just,
we were just talking about
a job right now. [CHUCKLES]
- We were, just now.
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- You only pay 500 a month?
- But it leaks.
[VOICE BREAKING] It's very manageable.
Very manageable.
It's... it leaks
on-on a schedule. [SNIFFLES]
Y-You're patting down the wall
afterwards, right?
- Oh, yeah.
- That's good.
The dampness becomes rot,
and then the whole building
collapses.
WORKER: Hey, fire up that compressor, will you?
[VOICE BREAKING]
Very expensive.
KELLI: Are you okay?
[SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT]
It's my condition.
- He's got a...
- I mean, I-I have no filters.
[SNIFFLES]
It's no big deal.
Ignore it.
[GRUNTS]
See you in the morning.
Okay, we'll see you.
[MUTTERS]
STOVIK: The other side!
Uh, I-I'm supposed
to take this class.
It's a required thing
by my caseworker,
but I'm kind of
in the midst of something,
so if she could just go,
there's...
there's a sign-up sheet.
Come on. I-I know
you guys do this stuff.
MAN: Tell them about the money!
I can pay $20.
You heard?
Yeah, well, what about the...
Yeah, so hurry up so we can go.
Thanks.
- I like your...
- Yeah.
What's your name?
Kelli.
What's your name?
It's for the sign-up sheet.
Oh.
It's Kelli Fain.
Kelli with an "I," F-A-I-N.
You don't even have to go in.
Just get the yellow slip
and come right back.
Oh, Fain.
OLD DOLIO: I need a yellow slip.
Okay.
Dorinda can give you that.
Uh, she's inside.
[]
[WHISPERING]
FARIDA: We're starting a little late.
Maybe the time change
threw some people off.
- L-Let's take a seat, please.
- But it's only twice.
- Well, here's your slip.
- Okay. Thanks, Dorinda.
Have a seat.
Let's get started.
If you need a caseworker
receipt from Dorinda,
you can get it later
at the break.
Okay.
There are worksheets coming
from both directions.
Uh, take one and pass it down.
- Could you pass it?
- FARIDA: The blue one is
the nutrition cheat sheet that
I mentioned to you yesterday.
Please take a look
at the pink sheet,
the one that says
"The Breast Crawl" on top.
Will you start the tape, please?
Thank you.
Okay, this is great.
This is the mother-baby bond at work.
- [WOMAN CLEARS THROAT]
- [GASPS] WOMAN: Oh.
FARIDA: If the newborn is immediately placed
on the mother's abdomen,
he makes his way all the way
to the breast all by himself.
Now, if a baby's placed
on a cot,
the infant mortality goes up.
The bonding goes down.
The lactation goes down.
All that important stuff
that we talked about yesterday.
You remember?
Baby's mouth opens
as he approaches the nipple.
And the bonding begins.
[]
["MR. LONELY" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
Shit, girl,
what'd you do, enroll?
What did I miss?
Uh, the... breast crawl and...
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna do that.
That's cool, huh?
No, you don't want
to baby it like that.
It'll-it'll get all...
["MR. LONELY" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING FAINTLY OVER PHONE]
[HUMMING SOFTLY TO MUSIC]
[AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE]
Thank you for waiting.
Someone will be
with you shortly.
["MR. LONELY" INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES]
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- [MUSIC STOPS]
[ROBERT SNORING SOFTLY]
[WHISPERING]
THERESA: What are you doing?
Uh...
Sorry, uh...
I just...
We won something big,
but we can't use it.
Uh, it's the Ooh La Luxe
getaway.
It's a first-class trip for two
to the Big Apple,
and it's redeemable for three
nonrefundable coach tickets.
- You'll never fly.
- I know.
So, maybe we...
What is that?
Guy at the class gave me them.
Do... Do you want one?
[SIGHS]
When a man gives you wood,
anything made out of wood,
he's saying,
"You give me wood."
I've been to New York.
You and I could go together,
just the two of us.
Like a...
mother-daughter getaway.
[MACHINERY WHIRRING]
[MACHINERY WHIRRING, CLANKING]
- [STOVIK CLEARS THROAT]
- ROBERT: Oh, hey, Stovik.
There you are.
That's a great jacket.
- [THERESA SIGHS]
- You pat it down?
Yeah.
- Oh, Theresa, I...
- Oh.
- [LAUGHING]
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, the rest is coming.
Uh, we're just on our way.
We have to, uh...
- What is this?
- Ah, that's a money order.
- Same as money.
- THERESA: $20.
We have to check our mail,
and, uh...
Well... Oh, that.
Now, see, that...
I think that's worth 50...
[VOICE BREAKING]
Not this time.
- Wha...?
- [SIGHS]
I can't do this anymore.
[STOVIK CRYING]
ROBERT: Are you crying?
[STOVIK SNIFFLES]
I'm patching the leak.
I'm evicting you.
I can get $10,000
for this space, you understand?
$10,000.
We have a child.
[SOBS]
That wall is a sponge.
It's a sponge.
This building ought to be
condemned, really.
We could, we could report it
to the Department of Health
and Human Services!
What?
Okay, okay.
Just-just, just give us
till Friday.
You'll have 1,500 in cash bills.
We'll have it by Friday.
Dude, we need a little time
to get it together.
Friday tomorrow?
It's tomorrow?
Um, well, I didn't
literally mean...
I mean, that's just a saying,
you know, "by Friday."
- It just means end of the week.
- Next Friday.
Uh, uh, the-the one after that.
- Friday after next.
- Yeah.
Two weeks.
Uh-huh.
Two weeks.
[]
[]
THERESA: Shit! We don't have time
to be horsing around.
That was our best thing.
- It's a new camera. I didn't know.
- [SCOFFS]
[GROANS]
This is really bad.
- THERESA: Mm-hmm.
- Once your face is in their system,
- they got you... fines, 401[K], home equity.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But maybe you want all that.
I don't know.
Me? I prefer to just skim.
- So do I.
- Do you?
Ah, that's interesting.
Because most people
want to be kajillionaires.
That's the dream.
That's how they get you hooked.
Hooked on sugar,
hooked on caffeine.
Ha-ha-ha.
Cry-cry-cry.
Mother-daughter getaway.
How the fuck does that
help us get the rent?
God. Come on! Think!
[]
Okay, so...
[CLEARS THROAT]
We all fly to New York
together on Wednesday,
and then we fly right back
as strangers.
So, at the baggage carousel,
we don't know each other.
Don't-don't look at me.
I'm looking around.
I want to make sure
these are our bags.
- Oh.
- Excuse me, sir.
Is this the luggage
for the flight from New York?
You two know each other.
- We're a couple?
- Yeah.
Oh. I see.
I am the dum-dum now.
I have a bachelor's degree.
She doesn't even know
what that is.
Then you accidentally
take my bags and go home.
I'll stay at the airport
and report my loss.
Luckily, I have
traveler's insurance,
so they'll issue us
a check for, uh, um...
[CLEARS THROAT]
...$1,575, which we can
just sign right over to Stovik
the next day and be, uh,
more than a full week early.
[]
[PLANE RUMBLING SOFTLY]
- [SEAT BELTS CLICKING]
- [ELECTRONIC BELL CHIMES]
[OVER P.A.]
PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen, uh,
we're experiencing
some choppy air here.
Please return to your seats
and fasten your seat belts.
We'll be going up to 37,000
feet for a smoother ride.
[QUIETLY]
Okay, come on. Come on.
- [PLANE CONTINUES RUMBLING]
- Okay.
[PANTING]
Okay.
Just breathe normally.
Just breathe normally.
All right, talk. Let's talk.
Okay? Talk.
Let's say something.
Just say something.
[MOUTHING]
Don't pray.
God, are you praying?
Just talk. Talk.
Okay.
How are you? Um...
How are you?
What are your interests?
- My interests?
- Your interests. Your interests. Your interests!
- Your interests! Go. Go.
- I-I don't know. I don't...
- What do you want me to...
- I don't know.
Just say anything. Uh...
Some people think
that a brand-new baby,
if you, if you, if you
put it on the abdomen,
it'll just automatically
crawl up to the mom's breast.
But if you put it on a cot,
then it'll, I guess, cry more.
- But a breast crawl baby...
- [RUMBLING FADES]
Don't say "breast."
I just wonder
how-how a baby would know
- how, where...
- Shh. Stop.
It's smooth now.
What was the point of all that?
He told me to talk.
Are you pregnant?
[ROBERT SIGHS]
Did I crawl up,
or was I put on a cot?
Answer.
No.
How would that
have even happened?
A cot.
Is she pregnant?
[SNIFFING]
No.
["MR. LONELY" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
[JET ENGINE WHOOSHING IN DISTANCE]
["MR. LONELY" INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES OVER EARBUDS]
[]
[PASSENGERS CHATTERING]
[PLANE RUMBLING SOFTLY]
MELANIE: Uh, my mom lives in New Jersey.
We're not that close.
I mean, we...
like, hardly ever talk
now that I live in L.A.
Uh, I've been here
almost a year,
and, ugh, it's so hard
to meet people.
Do you guys find that?
Okay. What else?
Um... Um, um, um, um, um, um.
I live in Highland Park,
above Thrive.
So, is this the kind of thing that you...
ROBERT: Yeah, just keep talking.
- Anything. Anything. Uh, just anything.
- Um...
- Okay, um...
- Anything. Go. Go. Go.
MELANIE: I am a, uh,
physician's assistant
in ophthalmology
at Cedars-Sinai.
Is this the normal amount
of turbulence for this route?
Yes.
- Really?
- Totally.
It's... Oh, no!
ROBERT & THERESA: What?
Oh.
[LAUGHS]
I thought that
I forgot my headphones.
Did they say that there was
Wi-Fi on this plane?
I don't remember.
Oh, there is.
Oh, you got to pay.
- Why do they do that?
- You're better off.
Oh, this? Oh, I know.
Trust me, I'm the worst.
I, like, sleep with it.
[CHUCKLES]
It's like my third arm.
It's a tool.
It was originally designed
by and for the military
and the intelligence community.
The CIA and Army ground ops,
specifically.
It is a powerful
and it's a dangerous tool.
You don't have a cell phone?
- I use it as it was intended.
- ATTENDANT: Hi.
And I don't dress it up
- and play dolly with it.
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]
- Well, then don't meet my mom. She is... whew!
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- ATTENDANT: Here you are.
- She is always on her phone.
I'm talking about, like,
always on her phone.
- Oh! Yes!
- Here you are.
- Screwdriver for her.
- ROBERT: I don't want it. I...
[SINGSONGY]
Gin and tonic, gin and tonic.
Here, open up
that bad boy. Okay.
- Thank you.
- ATTENDANT: You're welcome.
Trust me, this will help a lot.
Salud.
Um, my only concern
is that we won't be
thinking clearly enough in
the event of a real emergency.
- It's possible.
- Oh, are you...?
My aunt has a friend who's Amish.
No, we're not Amish.
- We use alcohol.
- Oh.
When we're injured,
to numb the pain.
Okay, that sounds Amish.
Look, I know there's
a lot of discrimination.
My friend used to go
to a Quaker school.
- And let me...
- [WATCH ALARMS BEEPING]
[BEEPING STOPS]
- That's super random.
- Uh...
Uh, oh. Okay!
All right! Chug, chug.
Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug.
[LAUGHS]
Yes!
Let's get this party started.
MAN: You never lived in Providence?
I never did.
It's so weird.
- Mm-hmm.
- There's a girl there who looks just...
[WHISPERS]
He's staring at your... blouse.
Oh, I know.
I can handle it.
Mm-hmm?
[MUTTERS]
Okay. All right, everybody.
Check your pockets.
- It may be a bait and switch.
- A what?
A distraction.
He might be a pickpocket.
- You mean a thief?
- Yeah.
That-that is, that is not
what just happened.
You don't know about these things.
I don't... No.
This happens to me,
like, every day.
What?
So... what is it
that you guys do?
Oh, come on. You know
everything about me, right?
You know where I live
and what my grandma's name is.
So, like, what are,
what are you,
what are you guys,
like... professors?
Yep.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah?
Well, that was a really great guess.
No.
[CHUCKLES]
No, you're not.
Uh-uh, uh.
You're, like, um...
Would you consider yourself
a trustworthy person?
- Is that one of your qualities?
- You don't have to answer that.
Yes.
Oh.
ROBERT: We have something very
big happening at the airport.
MELANIE: Oh, my God, I knew
you guys were up to something.
ROBERT: All right, there's two
of us and there's three bags.
Do you see
where I'm going with this?
MELANIE: Not at all.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
[]
MELANIE: You took it?
Really? Put it back.
THERESA: Oh, yeah.
ROBERT: I-I-I feel it. I...
- MELANIE: Do you?
- I felt it. I-I...
Mm.
- [THERESA SPEAKING QUIETLY]
- Okay.
That old bag.
Here we go. Yep.
[CHATTER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
MELANIE: Thank you.
[LAUGHS]
THERESA: All right.
MELANIE: Is that the last one?
She has a lot of...
way too many shoes.
- THERESA: Oh.
- You got everything?
Okay.
Off we go.
[]
All right, so if they are lost,
and I'm not saying they are,
but if they are,
your traveler's insurance
covers you for up to $1,575.
You get that as soon as
the loss is verified.
H-How long does that
usually take?
Oh, they're pretty quick.
Six weeks at the longest.
A-And the shortest?
Oh, that really varies.
But don't worry.
[CHUCKLES]
It's really rare
that we completely lose a bag.
I'm sure they'll turn up.
[]
[PHONE CHIMING]
MELANIE: Yeah, it's a pretty good deal here.
THERESA: Oh, she's here.
Don't worry, I got this.
[CLEARS THROAT]
["SWEET LOVE" BY LO/HI PLAYING]
Can't fix my sight on you...
Ma'am, I'll show you
right to your seat.
[WHISPERING]
Just go with it.
How much did you get
for the bags?
These guys at my college
used to do the same scam
with their luggage
at Christmas vacation.
- I think you can get more...
- It's-it's,
it's an original con.
- I invented it.
- Oh, okay.
What?
I don't know if the check
will be here by Friday.
What?
It might, but...
it might take six weeks.
[SCOFFS]
In six weeks?
That's too late.
We just flew...
I just risked my life for...
Sorry.
In six weeks?
Who knows?
It could come sooner.
It varies.
- [THERESA SIGHS]
- Right.
What could come sooner?
The check?
[ROBERT SIGHS]
Who even is she?
How is this person an asset?
I don't...
I don't understand.
You're mysterious,
you're mysterious...
Maybe I'll go to the restroom.
- BARTENDER: It's broken.
- Huh?
BARTENDER: You have to use the
one outside by the gas station.
MELANIE: Right.
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING]
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING]
[LOCK CLICKS]
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Oh. [SIGHS]
[URINE TRICKLING]
- [PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
- [SIGHS]
- Yes?
- [SIGHS] MOM: There you are, hon.
- I've been calling nonstop.
- [TV PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
Sorry, I had it on airplane mode.
Oh, so... Okay.
So you landed.
You're home. Good.
I'm watching that antique show.
Do you have it on?
Uh, yeah. You can...
Why don't you go to sleep
and we can just talk
tomorrow or some...
Are you in bed, all cozy?
Put that wool pillow
under your knees.
I'm using mine.
It's so nice.
You have something
nice and crunchy to eat?
[CHEWING]
I can't see your face very well.
- It's so dark.
- The light's broken.
Oh. Mm. All right.
I'm ordering you
a stick-on light,
like the one in your old room.
Okay, I know.
Just which one?
What time is it there?
Our schedules are
so out of sync.
I know you'll feel better
when we're aligned back,
but that's impossible now.
- Yeah, and I...
- Okay, so it'll come Tues...
No. Yes. Tuesday. Uh-huh.
Did you get the case
of iced tea? Mm.
I saw something this morning
that made me think of you.
This is gonna make you so happy.
Type in
"Vemo infusion pitcher."
Look on the bottom picture,
and then zoom in, zoom in,
zoom back to... Oh!
This guy's old rocking chair...
it's worth a half a million.
[OVER TV]
MAN: I had no idea. No.
MOM: He's so surprised. He had no...
I have a heist we can do,
to get the 1,500.
Okay, I'm just gonna start,
I'm gonna start talking. Okay.
[SIGHS]
So, I'm, um... I'm not
a physician's assistant.
That was, um... I don't even
know why I said that. Anyway...
I work at Abram's Optics
in the Galleria,
which, if you don't know,
is the worst branch there is.
Honestly, I'm wasting
my life there.
I just sell bifocals
to agro old people all day.
Mean but, like, also super
lonely and desperate, you know?
Like, I've been invited
to Easters and to Mahjong
and to look at scrapbooks and...
You know, I don't go because
it's gross, but if I did,
I bet you that I would find
mad antiques.
- ROBERT: Huh.
- Yeah.
I mean, not super fancy ones,
but I have a feeling that
if I said I liked something,
they would give it to me
for free or cheap,
and then we can sell it
and turn a tidy profit.
Boom!
Who do we sell the antiques to?
We can...
we can get a stall
at the flea market.
I love the flea market.
It is so indie.
That is a great idea.
It's just tremendous.
MELANIE: Right?
Three-way split.
Oh, yeah, sure. Of course.
No problem.
It's like an internship.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm Melanie.
ROBERT: All right, okay.
Uh, Melanie, meet Old Dolio.
Old... what?
Dolio.
Old Dolio.
Okay.
I like that.
I like that.
[SIGHS] See, this is
exactly the kind of thing
that I've been wanting...
[GROUND RUMBLING]
- ROBERT: Don't touch!
- Ah!
Don't touch the table.
I've been through tremors
a lot smaller than this.
It just turns everything
electric, like zap.
'Cause this is the way
the big one starts.
- [WOMAN LAUGHING]
- With the noise, it just keeps
building and building
and building.
- But this one's not building.
- [RUMBLING FADES]
The big one will be loud.
I mean, if you're lucky,
you'll get crushed.
And then you'll... you just die
right then and there.
Immediately.
- A never-ending void.
- Wow.
So, YOLO.
[CHUCKLES]
Am I right?
MELANIE: They are real characters, super unique.
But you vouch for them, right?
Vouch?
I just mean on, like,
a level of basic safety.
I had a friend
who did stripping,
and I would never do that,
but this feels like
a little more...
Okay. You know,
if I'm being honest,
my favorite movies are
the Ocean Eleven movies.
And I just am pretty psyched
about being on, like,
an actual heist.
[CHUCKLES]
How did you meet them?
They're my parents.
[]
[SIGHS]
- Oh.
- MELANIE: Hey, hey.
That's an interesting blouse.
Thank you.
You know, it was
actually a-a dress.
And then I just...
[CLICKS TONGUE, LAUGHS]
I like your tr-tracksuit.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]
Sue! You look so great!
Here we are.
This is m-my family.
[GASPS]
I love these, Sue.
Aren't they great?
My husband gave them to me.
He got them in England.
My ancestors were British
on both sides.
I think the people are
more civilized there.
- 4:00 tea and all that.
- This is great.
Sue.
- I love this dog.
- Oh.
[CONFUSED GRUNT]
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Blimey!
I've made a wretched mess,
I'm afraid.
[BRITISH ACCENT]
OLD DOLIO: Oh, that's all right, Mum.
No bother, really.
I-I didn't realize at first
that you were...
But you're not British.
No.
No. You're too dark.
There are dark people
everywhere.
I know.
I just meant what you think of
when you imagine a...
[CAMERA CLICKS]
She's adopted. Yeah.
We always say we were given one
and we chose one.
SUE: Oh.
That's just how I feel
about my Doodlebug.
- Come here, baby. Yeah.
- THERESA: Doodlebug.
That's a beautiful name.
- Is that...
- It's French.
THERESA: Mm.
OLD DOLIO: 650?
- We need 1,500.
- ROBERT: We don't want to push it.
Deposits over 700
trigger a bank review,
so we'll do this a few more times.
THERESA: Well, two more by Friday.
- ROBERT: Yeah.
- MELANIE: What?
No.
No, this is... If we get caught,
it-it'll be much worse for me
because I'm Puerto Rican.
Isn't that amazing?
Old Dolio learned to forge
before she learned to write.
Well, actually, that's how
she did learn to write.
What about my plan?
I mean, was that just...
Your plan to cash in on the
generosity of lonely people?
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ow!
You knocked off my nail.
I... I mean, what am I...
I'm gonna have to
take them all off now,
because I'm gonna look like
a crazy person
with just, like,
one nail missing.
What are you...?
Oh, okay. I can...
[]
You need, like, special
nail polish remover for that.
[THERESA RUMMAGING THROUGH BAG]
[]
[]
ROBERT: Oh, uh, yep, yep, yep, yep.
This is a very liquid
and high-yield deal.
- That's right. It's a nice design.
- Um...
I mean, I hadn't noticed.
- It's kind of chic.
- Actually...
[ROBERT AND THERESA LAUGHING]
I think we should give that
to Stovik right now
- and tell him the rest is coming.
- Howdy-do.
- Howdy-do. Howdy-do.
- [CHUCKLES]
Howdy-do.
Look at this guy.
Look at...
Oh.
I feel like a senator.
Ah. I love hot tubs.
[]
What color is your bathroom?
Do you think this one
will match?
This, like, smoky, coraly thing?
[GASPS] Stop it.
You can just slide right in.
Come on in, Old Dolio.
I don't think
you're supposed to get in that.
Sure, you can.
It's a dry test.
Get on in there.
Yeah. Just make yourselves comfy.
Here, let me,
let me help you out.
- Uh, I... I can do it. I can...
- Oops.
Yeah. Yeah.
Get yourselves comfortable.
Grab a seat.
Plenty to choose from.
Yep.
Uh...
Okay, now,
I want you guys to imagine
hot water right up to here.
Okay?
I'll get in there with you.
- Hey.
- [SHOES SQUEAKING]
Yep. Sorry.
47 adjustable massaging heads
with targeted
neck and shoulder jets.
A cascading waterfall, uh,
creating a soothing ambience.
- Oh.
- Uh-huh.
Uh, there's an ambiance.
Should I go on or...?
She's sold, right?
[LAUGHS]
How much is it?
9,499. Okay?
Just $150 down and $99 a month,
with, uh, 29% APR financing.
So, you... w-we pay $150,
we can walk away with it?
Yeah.
Well, not this exact one.
It has to ship
from the warehouse.
But by the end of the day
tomorrow.
SALESMAN: That's 150.
Um, so if I'm not happy, uh,
I can return it at any point
and get a full refund?
Well, once it's installed,
you can't...
Oh, ins... yeah. Yeah, yeah.
In-Installed, of course.
But if it hasn't been installed?
Then sure. Yeah.
- You know, like, if it doesn't fit or if the color's off.
- Ah.
And, now, um,
the cladding is extra.
I have a suggestion for you.
[SALESMAN AND ROBERT CONTINUE TALKING QUIETLY]
What?
Wear more clothes.
You're making everybody
feel uncomfortable.
ROBERT: I'll get a full refund?
Okay, we got to be in and out
so we can catch the leak by 5:00.
MELANIE: Okay.
Honestly, I'm kind of excited
because this guy
is such a creep.
So, his name is Abe.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, God, this feels
LIKE MISSION: Impossible.
Okay. Okay, so he's
what we call a no-show.
He didn't pick up his glasses,
so I had to give him
a reminder call,
and when I did, he asked
if I can come and deliver,
which I said
normally we wouldn't do that.
But when I told him
that I was bringing my family,
he, like, was crying.
Like, so desperate. It was...
[RASPY]
ABE: It's open.
So I just...
I just, um... Okay.
[DOOR CREAKING SOFTLY]
Hi.
ABE: I'm not feeling well,
but, please,
make-make yourself at home.
ABE: That's it.
Just be how you are at home.
Just a normal day
around the house.
[QUIETLY]
I think he's just lonely.
Oh, he's pretending.
He wants us to...
Right, like we're his family.
[CUP CLINKS ON COUNTER]
- [TV CLICKS ON]
- ANNOUNCER: He's only
two strokes back right now,
and the only thing...
ABE: Good. That's good.
M-My son used to watch that.
[SPORTSCAST CONTINUES PLAYING QUIETLY]
Oh, Robert,
always with the sports.
Why don't you
mow the lawn for once?
ABE: Nice.
Do more like that.
THERESA: How was school, hon?
School was fine.
How was your day?
ABE: A little louder, please.
[LOUDER]
How was your day?
What did you do today, Mom?
That's nice...
to be asked that.
You really want to know?
[SOFTLY]
Huh.
Wasn't easy.
None of my days are easy.
Why? What happened?
The refrigerator broke.
[QUIETLY]
It's not in there.
- So, uh...
- Not that drawer. Try the other drawer.
[THERESA CONTINUES WHISPERING]
MELANIE: You must be
the refrigerator repair person.
Okay.
I bet you meet
a lot of lonely women
when you're out in the field.
Repairing refrigerators.
Housewives must be throwing
themselves at you, huh?
'Cause, uh...
You know, if you need tools,
we have tools.
Uh, I'm just here to do a job.
[WHISPERING]
Hey. Checkbook is not here.
Check his bedroom.
Come on.
[ABE EXHALES SOFTLY]
ABE: This is hard.
[ABE COUGHS SOFTLY]
It's like trying
to fall asleep forever.
[LABORED BREATHING]
It sounds good.
Maybe some silverware clinking.
Or play the piano.
I think it's in there,
but we have to wait.
ROBERT: It's 4:15.
We'll miss the leak.
He's trying to...
...die.
But we should,
we should keep on, um...
He said he wants piano playing
and s-silverware clinking.
[PIANO PLAYING GENTLE MELODY]
[]
THERESA: How was school, hon?
MELANIE: It was fine.
But I'm starving.
M-Me, too.
Would you like
some leftover cake?
MELANIE: Okay.
[PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [SILVERWARE CLINKING]
- [TV PLAYING QUIETLY]
[LAUGHS]
ROBERT: Oh!
- OLD DOLIO: He just scored?
- Oh, he scored a-a one-holer.
Do you think
I could have some of that?
THERESA: Would you like some milk?
ROBERT: Please.
Thank you. Thank you.
OLD DOLIO: You're welcome.
[SMACKING LIPS]
You know, I think I will
mow the lawn tomorrow.
THERESA: You said that last weekend.
Did I?
[LAUGHS]
[THERESA AND ROBERT LAUGHING]
Maybe I'll mow the lawn.
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
I'll just go into the garage
and get it out.
[MUTES TV]
[WHISPERS]
ROBERT: Okay.
Go check.
Go.
[SETS PLATE ON TABLE]
Am I still here?
Yeah.
You see how there's light?
You'll know because
it'll be dark all around and...
quiet.
Please...
don't do anything to the house.
My kids have plans for it.
They're not bad kids.
Just busy.
Life is...
nothing.
Just let it go without
really thinking about it.
Like you're letting go of a...
piece of string.
Just let it...
It's not that big of a deal.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
What's wrong?
What's wrong? This...
Oh.
No, I-I mean...
THERESA: She has tender feelings.
You wouldn't know anything about that.
- I know.
- [MELANIE PANTING]
ROBERT: Oh, there's no checkbook.
You're sad is what you are.
MELANIE: Huh?
I'm not gonna do this again.
And-and I don't think that we
should take anything from him.
Okay, okay. So here we are.
[SIGHS]
Oh, I don't know.
Somewhere there's a checkbook
in this house,
and, uh, when we find it,
we're just gonna...
we're gonna cash out the whole
$850 and be done with it,
because, quite frankly,
I'm feeling very uncomfortable.
I've been put in an
uncomfortable position, so...
[EXHALES]
Go run the buckets.
You can still make it
if you take the 53, huh?
Come on, hurry. Hurry.
- [SIGHS] Oh, my...
- [MELANIE CRYING SOFTLY]
ROBERT: So, I know. Okay.
No, no. You sit down.
S-Sit down, and you have
a glass of water and...
- [MEN CHATTERING]
- [MACHINERY WHIRRING]
[BUBBLES SLOSHING]
[]
[STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS IN DISTANCE]
[PANTING SOFTLY]
[WATCH ALARM BEEPING]
[]
[]
FARIDA: And your son is how old?
MAN: Three.
FARIDA: And his name is?
MAN: Cyrus. Cy.
FARIDA: Okay.
Hi, Cy.
- [LAUGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]
I mean, he would, too, uh,
especially with new people.
I mean, he just goes ballistic.
- It's...
- Okay.
Okay, that's good.
So, we know now that we have
a three-year-old
that tends to hit.
Okay. That's not abnormal.
So, first, I'll just observe.
Okay? All right.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Are you... hungry?
Mm, no.
Are you tired?
Mm... no.
You look excited, Cy.
Are you excited
to see the other children?
- Do you just need some of their attention?
- Yeah.
FARIDA: Yeah! Okay.
And sometimes that's enough.
Just verbalizing the need
is enough.
A three-year-old
that wants attention...
not unreasonable, right?
[APPLAUSE]
[GROANS]
Old Dolio.
[ROBERT SIGHS]
You should...
well, if you want to.
She might do one more.
No.
[WHISPERS]
How about we do it together?
[EXHALES SOFTLY]
Maybe you get the party started.
I'll just go,
uh, check the-the front.
MELANIE: Okay.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I don't think
Old Dolio likes me.
Oh. No, she-she,
she doesn't like anyone.
She's not like that.
And your daughter's name is?
Old Dolio.
Uh, Old...?
Dolio. We named her
after a homeless guy
who won the lottery, hoping
he'd put her in his will.
But Old Dolio...
the old Old Dolio...
used up all his money
at the very end
on experimental cancer stuff.
- [STUDENTS MURMURING QUIETLY]
- FARIDA: Mm. Okay.
And your daughter is...?
She doesn't know anything
about tender feelings.
Hi, Old Dolio.
Okay, so I'm just gonna observe.
Hmm.
Are you feeling stressed?
Hmm, no. No.
[QUIETLY]
Okay.
Do you want to hold my hand?
No? Okay.
Okay. Hmm.
Your hair has gotten so long.
It's beautiful, hon.
Can I brush it?
[]
[GROUND RUMBLING]
[STUDENTS MURMURING]
It's just a tremor.
It's okay.
You're... It's okay.
You're okay with me.
[ROBERT PANTING SOFTLY]
[RUMBLING FADES]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Here, let's, uh, warm it up
a little bit.
MELANIE: Is there...?
ROBERT: Oh, uh, there's a drain.
It can drain.
There's a drain under there.
On the floor. In the floor.
[ROBERT SIGHS]
So are you gonna return it
or sell it and then return it?
Or what do you want?
It's better with the light off.
[SIGHS]
Let's take a bath.
Are you surprised?
Maybe you didn't know
that I-I felt this way.
No.
I'm the least surprised
I've ever been in my life.
ROBERT: Huh.
So what's the plan?
You'll watch me undress,
and then you'll start
getting your dick hard,
then I'll get in?
[EXHALES]
Well?
Come on.
[LAUGHS]
So, what were you picturing?
- Soapy titties?
- [LAUGHS] Sure.
Yeah? Sure.
Does this work?
No, right?
Of course it doesn't work.
Why would it work?
Nothing works here.
Pathetic.
So, titty fuck?
- Oh, that got your attention.
- THERESA: Knock, knock.
- Oh. [SHUDDERS]
- [WATER SLOSHING]
THERESA: We want this to be
about your pleasure, too.
ROBERT: Oh, yeah.
Well, what makes you feel good?
- Uh, Melanie, uh, let's not...
- Listen, uh... [STAMMERS]
- Just... let's just...
- We-We're, we're surprised.
- Time for a snack, all right?
- [STAMMERS] I think, I think...
[DOOR RATTLING]
[ROBERT CLEARS THROAT]
[OLD DOLIO PANTING]
- What?
- What?
What are you guys doing?
Why-why are there crackers
on a plate?
Don't go, hon.
"Hon"?
[OLD DOLIO SCOFFING SOFTLY]
You just...
You've never called me that.
I have.
I have called you that.
Oh?
Call me "hon," then.
What is that? Hmm?
What is this?
"Newborn to 18 years."
You can't do it.
I bet you could if it was
a job, though, right?
$1,575 to call me "hon."
Oh, three-way split.
THERESA: It's 525 each.
I don't want to do it
that way this time.
It's one word. Just say it.
You could just say it.
I can't just say it.
We... don't call you "hon"
or "sweetheart" or "baby."
We don't wrap up little
birthday presents with ribbons.
- I-I don't want...
- Yes.
That's what you want.
[SIGHS]
And-and what else? Hmm?
Want me to put you
on my abdomen?
Hmm?
[SCOFFS]
Make pancakes?
- And you want me to do a little dance?
- [SNAPPING]
- No.
- Yes.
You want us to be
false, fakey people.
Hmm?
[]
[SOFTLY]
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
MELANIE: I'll do it.
I'll call you "hon" for $1,575.
[ROBERT SCOFFS]
Keep walking.
Keep walking. Keep walking.
[]
[TURN SIGNAL TICKING]
A lot of stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.
[DRUMS FINGERNAILS]
What's this?
Uh, it's a...
it's a mug warmer.
A lot of the times, my mom
will buy two of something
and just send me one.
[CUPBOARD CLOSES]
[DRINK POURING]
[WATCH ALARM BEEPING]
[BEEPING STOPS]
It's Wednesday.
Wednesday it leaks three times
'cause of sanitation.
It's... it's really
a three-person job.
It's all over the floor now.
They'll be calling any second.
Just after they put
the buckets down.
Okay, uh...
- thank you or whatever.
- [SETS DOWN CUP]
Um, here.
This should cover that.
Unless you bought it in bulk...
I don't know.
Y-You don't pay for...
Okay.
Uh...
You're jonesing.
[LAUGHS]
What?
You're addicted to them.
My cousin Timothy...
when he was trying to
kick pills, he would be fine,
and then he would have
this sudden wave
of needing them really bad.
Well, I think
this is a little different
because they're my parents.
In what sense?
What?
In what sense
are they your parents?
What's an example?
[SCOFFS SOFTLY]
We split everything three ways.
We have since I was little.
What do you spend yours on?
[STAMMERS]
Your third.
W-We go in
on everything equally.
Actually,
that's another example.
That makes two things.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Hon.
Oh, hon.
- My sweetheart.
- [PAPER RUSTLING]
[WHISPERS]
My sweet baby.
There's a check cashing place
across the street.
Oh, so you're just gonna go...?
Home.
W-Wait.
You thought I was gonna
take this much for...?
This is a full-service deal.
Uh... so...
"We don't call you 'hon, '
'sweetheart' or 'baby.'"
Did that.
"We don't make..."
Pancakes?
We don't have to...
You can just take it.
What was that thing
that she said
about putting you
on her abdomen?
Oh, it's-it's called
a breast crawl.
It's not...
Uh, do a little dance?
I don't know why she said that.
Have you ever danced?
Yeah.
Birthdays?
Birthday presents
wrapped up with a bow.
Look, let's not.
So when we've done these things,
then I want my money
and you can go.
I have to get pancake stuff
for the morning.
The morning?
They're a morning thing.
[]
There's a camera there,
there and there.
All Super A security systems
are on a pentagram,
so you have to move
between the points.
Basically, all the odd-numbered
aisles are free goods.
I'm buying this stuff, so...
Yeah.
It's just an...
interesting fact.
[]
Is that okay?
Oh. Do you want to...
I have pajamas.
No. I'm good.
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
What are...
Are you trying to...
rile me up?
[]
[OLD DOLIO SCOFFS]
How does this even work?
I can't...
[]
Here's what I would do:
just one big one.
It's less flipping.
Yeah, but l-little things are...
Like, it-it's fun.
You just stack them.
Boop. [CHUCKLES]
Most happiness comes from,
like, dumb things.
Okay.
Okay, uh, so...
that's that.
What's, uh... I don't...
[MOUTH FULL]
Oh, that.
I could just crawl
out of a dark space to do that.
That's fine.
So, it'll be all dark,
and then I'll crawl out.
The light will be blinding.
- And this is the abdomen.
- [PATS FLOOR]
And then we're done.
I know a place
that's darker than this.
This is fine. It'll work.
It's not gonna take long.
Oh, we're right by the 7.
You could just drop me
on the way back.
[]
This is the...
MELANIE: Mm-hmm.
[]
- Light's broken.
- [LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING]
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [MELANIE SIGHS]
OLD DOLIO: Well, it's... it's dark, but...
but this was so far.
We could've been done by now.
MELANIE: Exactly.
OLD DOLIO: Okay, so I guess
I'll crawl out and...
- [GROUND RUMBLING]
- MELANIE: It's just a tremor.
OLD DOLIO: No. This one is...
- This one is building.
- [RUMBLING GROWS LOUDER]
- MELANIE: Whoa!
- It's happening!
- MELANIE: Out. Get out.
- No! No, no, no, no.
Don't touch the door
or the walls.
Everything is live.
Just stay in the middle.
[RUMBLING FADING]
[OLD DOLIO PANTING SOFTLY]
[RUMBLING STOPS]
- MELANIE: Is the doorknob...
- It's metal. It's live.
Don't touch it. Don't touch.
MELANIE: It's so quiet.
I don't hear anyone.
OLD DOLIO: It is quiet.
Why is it so quiet?
It's darker.
MELANIE: It was dark before.
OLD DOLIO: No, it's completely black.
Oh, my God.
MELANIE: What?
What?
- [GROANS] OLD DOLIO: Oh.
- What?
OLD DOLIO: You don't want to know.
We're not in life anymore.
- MELANIE: What?
- Yeah.
I think it happened right away.
Right after that first big noise.
- MELANIE: It?
- We died.
MELANIE: Wh... I'm fine. I...
OLD DOLIO: That's what everyone
always says right after.
They can't believe it.
You might never believe it, but
this is just how it's gonna be.
Forever.
Just us.
- In blackness.
- MELANIE: Stop. That's not...
OLD DOLIO: You can't believe it
because you were married to life.
Hooked on it.
I wasn't hooked, so it's not
such a big deal to me.
- MELANIE: It would hurt.
- I don't think so.
MELANIE: Please. Stop.
I can feel my face.
OLD DOLIO: Yeah. That's just a memory.
[OLD DOLIO CRYING SOFTLY]
[]
I don't have any regrets.
[SNIFFLES]
You're gonna have
regrets, though,
because you're gonna miss sex
and dancing and pancakes.
I just had that one pancake,
so I'm not gonna be sad.
You-you looked in the mirror
so many times
you'll miss your face forever.
But I-I don't even...
I-I don't even remember my face.
I can't even say
what I looked like.
MELANIE: You had long,
sandy blond hair...
- OLD DOLIO: Shh.
- ...ice blue eyes and...
OLD DOLIO: Stop. Shh.
- Just doesn't matter.
- MELANIE: And pure skin.
OLD DOLIO: You know I was just
trying to rob you.
MELANIE: No.
OLD DOLIO: You're such a stupid little idiot,
and your brain is in your tits!
The plan was for me
to go, and then...
and-and stake out your apartment
and-and get access
to your account...
- [VEHICLE APPROACHING OUTSIDE]
- [OLD DOLIO GASPS SOFTLY]
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO OUTSIDE]
- [DOOR THUMPS, LOCK CLICKING]
- [MELANIE PANTING]
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO]
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- [VEHICLE DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
MAN: You guys fine?
Yeah. Are you?
MAN: Yeah.
I was, I was driving.
Everyone stopped.
It was crazy.
OLD DOLIO: We thought we were dead.
MELANIE: I didn't think that.
I'm Old Dolio.
It's wonderful to meet you.
God bless you.
Okay, I'm-I'm not religious,
but, uh...
No, I'm-I'm not, either.
I've never said that before in my life.
[PANTING]
How about this?
Right? You think
that was the big one?
Uh, I don't know.
- I don't think that.
- No, it was.
That was it.
- [LAUGHS] Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Thank you.
- Oh. Right.
This is, this is done.
Uh... I'm never gonna forget you.
My whole life.
This... this Subaru.
I've memorized all of this.
Okay, can we...
[]
You guys okay?
OLD DOLIO: Yes. How are you?
Oh, I'm fine.
Yeah, these are
great structures for quakes.
Since we're open 24 hours, we
got to be ready for anything.
Have you tried everything
in this store?
- Nope.
- [SCANNER BEEPS]
That's what I would do
if I worked here.
It's not too late.
You can try everything once
and then isolate your favorites
and-and just eat them
on a perfect day
where you just eat
all your favorite foods.
That's what I would do
if I worked here.
[PANTING]
So, do you apply?
Or how does that work?
[STAMMERS]
Do you have to take
special training
or-or a class or something?
[PHONE VIBRATING]
[VIBRATING STOPS]
[ELECTRONIC ENTRY BELL CHIMES]
Yes! Yes!
Come in! Come in!
- [SCANNER BEEPING]
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna pop this.
That's how you open it, right?
You just... pop.
[SCANNER BEEPS]
Okay, that comes to 29.83.
That's my money.
- So, no sale, actually.
- [ELECTRONIC ENTRY BELL CHIMES]
Uh, should I put all this back?
I'm-I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave.
I'm gonna... Okay.
[LAUGHS]
You know, I-I didn't even...
I forgot about that whole thing.
Did you forget about robbing me?
You forget that
you wanted to rob me?
Wanted to gain access
to my account, remember?
My brain is in my tits?
[CHUCKLES]
No.
Th-That was just,
that was just a lie.
Uh...
Y-You don't believe me.
No, I believe you.
You don't.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Well, what do I do? - Okay.
- What can I...
- The ringer was off.
- I'm fine, Mom.
- [SIGHS] MOM: You're okay.
- You're okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay. - Uh, here.
- I'll... You want me to...
- MOM: Oh, my God.
- I'll smash my finger with this!
- MOM: Are you all right?
- I'll do it!
- MELANIE: Right. That was big.
MOM: I called the second I heard.
- I've been calling and calling and...
- OLD DOLIO: Come back.
- I'm sorry.
- MOM: Oh, my heart is still pounding.
OLD DOLIO: I don't know what to do.
- MOM: It was just so...
- I don't know what to do.
- What do I do? What do I do?
- MOM: I could use a squeeze.
- Squeeze, squeeze, Mama.
- I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry. I...
MOM: What is...
What is that behind you?
Maybe you should...
- Okay.
- Okay.
[OLD DOLIO GRUNTING SOFTLY]
[]
[PANTING]
["MR. LONELY" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
[AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE]
Thank you for waiting.
Someone will be
with you shortly.
They never pick up, so...
["MR. LONELY" INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES OVER PHONE]
You don't have to do it
if you don't want to.
It's like, if you don't...
[]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
[]
[KNOCKING]
THERESA: Old Dolio? Can you hear us?
- ROBERT: Oh.
- [PHONE BEEPS, MUSIC STOPS]
We've been, we've been calling
and calling and calling.
That was it.
- It was the big one.
- [DOORKNOB RATTLES]
- You okay?
- [PANTING]
THERESA: You're not ready to talk yet.
That's okay.
[WHISPERS]
ROBERT: Just leave them here.
- [WHISPERS] THERESA: I am.
- Okay.
[BAG RUSTLES]
- THERESA: We're-we're going now.
- Okay.
Bye-bye.
[BAG RUSTLES]
[]
[]
"Happy birthday.
Our little girl is 14. Love..."
[]
MELANIE: Newborn.
One, two, three,
four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, ten,
11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17.
OLD DOLIO: Where's the 18th one?
This is crap.
You know they're just...
I know it's some kind of job.
They're scamming me.
"Happy birthday.
"Our little girl is 18.
Cordially invite..."
They want to take me
out to dinner.
Both of us.
At Mlisse.
It's for my 18th birthday.
Is it your birthday?
No. And I'm 26.
[SIGHS]
Don't go, right?
- I have to.
- No.
No, no, no. You actually...
But you don't. You...
Then leave the money here.
Just to make sure
that they don't...
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
They think I don't know anything
about a sort of
fancy restaurant like that.
Well, we're gonna walk in there
and they're gonna be like,
"Whoa. Who even are you now?"
- [GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [QUIET CHATTER]
Hi. We're meeting two others.
- Could be under Dyne.
- Mm-hmm.
They're probably gonna be late.
It's three bus rides.
Nope.
OLD DOLIO: I usually like
to sit more in the back,
but this table's fine.
[MELANIE CLEARS THROAT]
MELANIE: Thank you.
Can I start you off
with some drinks?
Uh, yes.
I'll have, uh...
Do you still have the port?
The Colheita
or the tawny 20-year?
Um, the, uh, the-the Colheita.
ROBERT: I-I guess I'll... I will have
- the, um...
- [OLD DOLIO CLEARS THROAT]
um, the "Golaca..."
[STAMMERING]
Uh, actually, nothing. Water.
[ROBERT CLEARS THROAT]
- [LAUGHTER]
- [CHATTER AND MUSIC CONTINUE]
Oh, isn't that the woman
who gave you the massage?
Oh, hi.
Hi.
The healing arts.
That's a solid profession.
People are always in pain.
So, what do your parents do,
Melanie?
My mom works in real estate.
THERESA: Oh, Robert used to...
ROBERT: I used to publish a, uh,
resource guide
for real estate agents.
- THERESA: Yeah.
- With coupons.
THERESA: We were straight shooters back then.
ROBERT: I mean, if we're being
completely honest, we...
Well, it was tough times.
And, you know, the coupon book
didn't really take.
Well, we were reacting
to the era.
Uh, everybody was.
Could I see the coupon book?
THERESA: Of course,
then the culture changed,
and so now we look
sort of out of step.
Oh, maybe it'll change back.
[LAUGHING]
[ROBERT SIGHS SOFTLY]
It's returnable.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday,
dear Old Dolio
Happy birthday to you.
[APPLAUSE]
[ROBERT CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[CHUCKLES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[ROBERT CLEARS THROAT]
36 hours ago, I...
Sorry.
We were very angry at you.
But, um, I see now that
it was just a base response.
[SIGHS]
It was just fear, really.
Just fear.
And then, after the big one
happened, I...
This is hard.
I'm not good at this.
After the... I...
we got very worried.
[VOICE BREAKING]
We didn't think you were dead,
but if you were dead...
I would have regretted not...
...doing enough things
to show you...
See, because,
I don't know, I just...
um, I just... I always
thought it was insulting
to treat you like a child.
It just, it just always
seemed so insincere.
And-and I thought
we agreed on that.
You know?
Um, but when, um...
after the...
the thing I just kept thinking
is I just want to,
[CRYING]
I just want to hold her face.
[ROBERT CRYING SOFTLY]
We've been very lucky
to have you.
[ROBERT SNIFFLES]
Oh, God.
[CRYING CONTINUES]
[ROBERT SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT]
We are very, very lucky
to have you as our daughter.
[ROBERT CRYING SOFTLY]
I'm sorry.
I'm just sorry.
[ROBERT SNIFFLES]
ROBERT: Hey.
[CHUCKLES]
Good night, sweet daughter.
Have sweet dreams.
Um, in the morning,
if you want, uh...
I can make pancakes.
T-Tomorrow's Friday.
The check.
We cashed it,
but we haven't spent it.
Don't worry about the rent.
We're the parents.
We'll handle it.
We've got a plan.
Okay.
Um, I guess I'll s...
...see you tomorrow.
- THERESA: Yeah.
- Yep.
[LATCH CLICKS]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
So, if it's gone,
they're monsters
and this whole night was a lie.
Okay?
But if it's there,
then this is all real.
You'll believe that.
Wait, wait. Um...
If it's just my third, 525...
...then that means...
"We can only ever be how we are.
"But we love you and, um...
...we wish you well."
[MONEY RUSTLING]
[WHISPERS]
It's all there.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[LATCH CLICKS]
I'll probably take off early
tomorrow before you're up.
Thank you for everything.
Really.
No problem.
[WATCH ALARM BEEPING]
[BEEPING STOPS]
[SNIFFS]
[]
Oh.
[MELANIE GASPS]
[]
[PANTING]
[]
So what?
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
[SIGHS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[OLD DOLIO GRUNTS SOFTLY]
[PANTING SOFTLY]
[SNIFFS, EXHALES]
What?
[SCANNER BEEPS]
[SCANNER BEEPS]
[SCANNER BEEPS]
[BAG RUSTLING]
[SCANNER BEEPS]
[BUTTONS CLICKING]
Okay, so your refund
comes to 485.05.
["MR. LONELY" BY BOBBY VINTON PLAYING]
Lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
- I have nobody
- [SCANNER BEEPS]
For my own
I'm so lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
Wish I had someone
To call on the phone
Now I'm a soldier
A lonely soldier
Away from home
Through no wish of my own
That's why I'm lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
I wish that I could
Go back home
Letters
Never a letter
I get no letters
In the mail
I've been forgotten
Yeah
Forgotten
Oh, how I wonder
How is it I failed
Now I'm a soldier
A lonely soldier
Away from home
Through no wish of my own
That's why I'm lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
I wish that I could
Go back home.
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[MUSIC ENDS]