Kajillionaire (2020) Movie Script
Five seconds.
After this person.
- And clear.
- Not clear.
Now!
This could be cash. No.
Money order.
Twenty.
Oh, I think I saw these at...
I have a receipt
that will work for this.
Toys and games, 12.99, target.
Easy return.
This is not a cheap tie.
Well, you can't see it, because
you're not of gentle birth.
[Chuckles]
It's empty!
- [Rumbling]
- [Gasping]
[Rumbling stops]
Althea and Victor young,
fairglen road, ladera heights.
We could take the two. It goes
there from here. We got time.
Um, do the
catholic schoolgirl costume.
'Cause you've got some
heartstrings to pull.
And remember,
don't ask for a reward.
Just let them come to you.
You've got the watch, right?
Yeah.
[Clears throat, whistling]
[Chucang]
Wow. Look at this.
It was just right there.
I almost stepped on it.
All this time
it was just right there.
Yeah.
Do you go to sacred heart?
Our daughter Jenny
went to sacred heart.
Here. Let's have you
in for a coke.
- [Whistling continues]
- I've always believed in angels.
Not me. That's her thing.
What's this?
It's a gift certificate.
Their daughter's a masseuse.
Don't ask for a reward was plan
a. Plan b was ask for a reward.
Rich people can be
very cheap sometimes.
They were talking
about her nonstop.
She works at mlisse.
She went to college.
Mlisse?
They were obsessed.
It was creepy.
That's the most expensive
restaurant in la.
She just works there.
We, even to work there
you have to be rich.
- I mean, I...
- Wait.
1/2 fairglen road.
Four, four five
oh three and a half...
You were just there. This
is the house right behind it.
- This is worth money.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- See, dollar signs?
- Yeah.
[Stammering]
- This type of high-end... you know?
- It's good.
- It's worth 200 or 300 dollars.
- Yeah.
Okay, um...
Wait.
Cash refund.
Okay. What about a percentage
of the total value?
Like 75% of the total value.
No, that's not how... I'm sorry.
How do you know my parents?
Or, what about an exchange
for that rock?
- No.
- No? Okay.
What about these?
No? Understood.
This, uh... this shelf.
And that's gonna be my final...
Because.
It's not worth very much
and I'm gonna be taking
a loss on...
On the massage.
I'll take that.
Well, you don't
want a massage, right?
How long does this usually take?
Your gift certificate
is for 60 minutes. So...
Uh, n-no, I don't need... do
you think we could do it in 20?
Okay.
[Winces]
Okay. So just tell me
if it's too much pressure.
It's too much pressure.
Is this better?
Too much.
How about this?
[Grunts]
Is that better?
Yeah.
[Gasping]
[Knocking]
[Door opens]
[Man] Hi.
[Woman] We're with her.
Itwas taking a while, so...
[Man] No refund?
No, I don't refund gifts,
but we're almost done.
She only wanted 20 minutes.
Can we have that rock
for the other 40 minutes?
We won the vitafusion giveaway
under six different names today.
Oh! And the motor trend
dodge viper gt sweepstakes.
- It's a free visor.
- [Man] The little ones are popping!
Pop! Pop! Pop!
They're all popping!
Just stop. Hey! Okay?
A sport water bottle, bpa free,
with a carabiner.
I don't think
we've won that before.
Not bad for a Wednesday.
[Man] Hey, yo!
[Woman] Hey! Hey!
- Hey, you guys? I have a job!
- [Man] Shut the fuck up! Keep walking!
- Fuck.
- February. March. April?
Uh, we may have to
pay in installments.
In inst... no! No installment!
Rent is an installment.
It's a monthly installment.
We'll have it in the morning.
All of it. February,
march, April. All 1,500.
We were talking
about a job right now.
- We were, just now.
- Yeah.
- You only pay 500 a month?
- But it leaks.
It's very manageable. Very
manageable. It leaks on a schedule.
You're patting down
the wall afterwards, right?
- Oh, yeah!
- Good. Dampness becomes rot.
Then the whole
building collapses.
[Whimpering] Very expensive.
- Are you okay?
- [Sniffles, clears throat]
- It's my condition.
- He's got a...
I have no filters.
It's no big deal.
Ignore it. [Grunts]
- See you in the morning.
- Okay, we'll see you.
[Man] The other side!
I'm supposed to take this class.
It's required by my caseworker.
But I'm in the midst of
something, so if she could just go,
there's sign-up sheets.
Come on! I know you guys
do this stuff!
[Man] Tell them about the money!
I can pay 20 dollars.
You heard.
- Yeah, well, what about the...
- Yeah, so hurry up so we can go.
Thanks.
I like your...
What's your name?
Kelli. What's your name?
It's for the sign-up sheet.
Oh. It's Kelli fain.
Kelli with an "I." F-a-i-n.
You don't even have to go in.
Just get the yellow slip,
then come right back.
Oh, fain.
I need a yellow slip.
Oh, okay.
Dorinda can give you that.
She's this way.
[Woman] We're starting
a little late.
Maybe the time change
threw some people off.
Let's take a seat, please.
- Here's your slip.
- Thanks, dorinda.
Have a seat.
Let's get started.
If you need a caseworker receipt
from dorinda,
you can get it later
at the break.
Okay. There are work sheets
coming from both directions.
Take one and pass it down.
The blue one is the nutrition cheat
sheet that I mentioned to you yesterday.
Please take a look
at the pink sheet.
The one that says
"the breast crawl" on top.
Will you start the tape, please?
Thank you.
Okay. This is great. This is
the mother-baby bond at work.
If the newborn is immediately
placed on the mother's abdomen,
he makes his way all the way
to the breast all by himself.
Now, if a baby's placed on a
cot, the infant mortality goes up.
The bonding goes down.
The lactation goes down.
All that important stuff
we talked about yesterday.
Remember?
Baby's mouth opens
as he approaches the nipple...
And the bonding begins.
Shit, girl.
What'd you do, enroll?
What did I miss?
Uh, the breast crawl, and...
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna do that.
That's cool, huh?
Well, you don't want to
baby it like that. It'll get all...
[Phone:
Instrumental music playing]
[Humming]
[Automated voice] Thank you for
waiting. Someone will be with you shortly.
- [Phone beeps]
- [Music ends]
[Man snoring]
What are you doing up?
Uh... sorry. I just...
We won something big,
but we can't use it.
It's the oola luxe getaway.
It's a first-class trip for two
to the big apple.
It's redeemable for three
non-refundable coach tickets.
- He'll never fly.
- I know.
So, maybe we...
What is that?
A guy at the class gave me them.
D... do you want one?
[Sighs]
When a man gives you wood,
anything made out of wood,
he's saying, "you give me wood."
I've been to New York.
You and I could go together,
just the two of us.
Like a...
Mother-daughter getaway.
[Snoring continues]
-[Clears throat] -[Man] Oh,
hey, stovik. There you are.
That's a great jacket.
- You pat it down?
- Yeah.
- Oh, Theresa, I...
- Oh.
- [Chuckles]
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, the rest is coming.
We're on our way. We have to...
- What is this?
- A money order. Same as money.
Twenty dollars.
We have to check our mail.
And...
Well... oh, that. Now,
see, I think that's worth 50...
Not this time.
I can't do this anymore.
[Sobbing]
Are you crying?
[Metal scraping]
I'm patching the leak.
I'm evicting you.
I can get $10,000 for this
space, you understand? $10,000.
We have a child.
That wall is a sponge.
It's a sponge.
This building
ought to be condemned, really.
We could report it to the department
of health and human services!
What?
Okay. Okay.
Just give us till Friday.
You'll have 1,500 in cash bills.
We'll have it by Friday.
Dude, we need a little time
to get it together.
Friday, tomorrow?
It's tomorrow?
Um, I didn't literally mean... it's
just a saying, you know, "by Friday."
It just means end of the week.
Next Friday.
The one after that.
- Friday after next.
- Yeah.
- Two weeks.
- Uh-huh.
Two weeks.
Shit! We don't have time
to be horsing around.
That was our best thing.
It's a new camera.
I didn't know about it.
[Grumbling] This is really bad.
Once your face is in
their system, they got you.
- Fines, 401(K), home equity.
- [Theresa] Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But maybe you want all that,
I don't know.
- Me? I prefer to just skim.
- So do I.
Do you? Oh. That's interesting.
'Cause most people want to be
kajillionaires. That's the dream.
That's how they get you hooked.
Hooked on sugar,
hooked on caffeine.
Ha, ha, ha! Cry, cry, cry!
Mother-daughter getaway.
How the fuck does that
help us get the rent?
God! Come on! Think!
Okay, so... [clears throat]
We all fly to New York together
on Wednesday,
and then we fly right back
as strangers.
So, at the baggage carousel,
we don't know each other.
Don't... don't look at me.
I am looking around.
I want to make sure
these are our bags.
Excuse me, sir. Is this the
luggage for the flight from New York?
You two know each other.
- [Man] We're a couple?
- Yeah.
I see. I am the dum-dum now.
I have a bachelor's degree. She
doesn't even know what that is.
Then you accidentally
take my bags and go home.
I'll stay at the airport
and report my loss.
Luckily, I have traveler's insurance,
so they'll issue us a check for, uh...
Um... [clears throat]
$1,575,
which we can just sign right
over to stovik the next day
and be more
than a full week early.
[Rumbling]
[Intercom dings]
[Pilot] Ladies and gentlemen, we
are experiencing some choppy air here.
Please return to your seats
and fasten your seat belts.
We'll be going up to 37,000 feet
for a smoother ride.
[Muttering, gasping]
Okay. Just breathe normally.
Just breathe normally.
All right, talk. Let's talk.
Okay? Talk.
Let's say something.
Just say something.
Don't pray. God, are you
praying? Just talk! Talk. Okay.
How are you? Oh...
How are you?
What are your interests?
- My interests?
- Your interests, your interests!
-I don't know! What do you want
me... -Go! Go! Just say anything!
Some people think that a brand-new
baby, if you put it on the abdomen,
it'll just automatically crawl
up to the mom's breast.
But if you put it on a cot,
it'll, I guess, cry more.
But a breast crawl baby...
Don't say "breast."
I just wonder how
a baby would know where...
- Stop.
- [Rumbling stops]
It's smooth now.
What was the point of all that?
He told me to talk.
Are you pregnant?
Did I crawl up,
or was I put on a cot?
Answer.
How would that
have even happened?
A cot.
Is she pregnant?
[Sniffing]
[Airplane passing overhead]
[Woman] My mom lives in new
Jersey. We're not that close.
We hardly ever talk now
that I live in la.
I've been here almost a year
and it's so hard to meet people.
Do you guys find that?
Okay. What else? [Stammering]
I live in highland park,
above thrive.
So, is this the kind of thing
that you...
[Man] Just keep talking.
Anything. Anything.
- Okay.
- Anything. Go. Go. Go.
I am a physician's assistant in
ophthalmology at cedars-sinai.
Is this the normal amount
of turbulence for this route?
- Yes.
- Really?
Totally. It's...
- Oh, no!
- What?
Oh. [Laughs]
I thought that I forgot
my headphones.
Did they say there was Wi-Fi
on this plane? I don't remember.
Oh, there is. Oh, you gotta pay!
- Why do they do that?
- You're better off...
Oh, this? Oh, I know.
Trust me, I'm the worst.
I sleep with it.
It's like my third arm.
It's a tool.
It was originally designed by and for
the military and intelligence community.
The CIA and army
ground ops specifically.
It is a powerful
and dangerous tool.
You don't have a cell phone?
I use it as it was intended.
And I don't dress it up
and play Dolly with it.
Well, then don't meet my mom.
She is... whoo!
She is always on her phone. I'm
talking about always on her phone.
Oh! Yes!
- Screwdriver for her.
- [Man] I don't want it.
- [Rumbling]
- Gin and tonic, gin and tonic.
Here, open up
that bad boy. Okay.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Trust me. This will help a lot.
Salud.
My only concern is that we
won't be thinking clearly enough
in the event
of a real emergency.
Oh, are you...
My aunt has a friend
who's amish.
- No, we're notamish. We use alcohol.
- Oh.
When we're injured.
To numb the pain.
Okay, that sounds amish.
Look, I know there's
a lot of discrimination.
My friend used to go to a
quaker school. And let me...
[Watches beeping in unison]
That's super random. [Chuckles]
Om okay! All right!
Chug! Chug!
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
Yes! Let's get
this party started!
[Man]
You never lived in Providence?
I never did.
This is so weird.
- There's a girl there who looks just...
- He's staring at your blouse.
I know. I can handle it. Mm-hmm.
Okay. All right, everybody.
Check your pockets.
It may be a bait and switch.
A what?
A distraction.
Might be a pickpocket.
- You mean a thief?
- Yeah.
That is not what just happened.
You don't know
about these things.
I don't... no. This happens
to me like every day.
What?
What is it that you guys do?
Come on.
You know everything about me.
You know where I live
and what my grandma's name is.
So, what are you... what
are you guys, like professors?
Yeah? That was
a really great guess.
No. No, you're not.
Uh-uh.
You're like, um...
Would you consider yourself
a trustworthy person?
- Is that one of your qualities?
- You don't have to answer that.
Yes.
[Man] We have something
very big happening at the airport.
[Woman] Oh, my god. I knew
you guys were up to something.
[Man] There's two of us
and there's three bags.
- Do you see where I'm going with this?
- [Woman] Not at all.
[Chattering]
- Why not let me take your little bag.
- Okay.
There we go.
[Woman] Thank you.
- Is that the last one?
- [Chattering continues]
You got everything? Okay.
Off we go.
So if they are lost,
and I'm not saying they are,
but if they are,
your traveler's insurance
covers you for up to $1,575.
You get that as soon as
the loss is verified.
How long does that usually take?
They're pretty quick.
Six weeks at the longest.
And the shortest?
That really varies.
But don't worry. It's really rare
that we completely lose a bag.
I'm sure they'll turn up.
[Phone dinging]
- [Upbeat pop music playing] -
Yeah, it's a pretty good deal here.
- [Theresa] She's here.
- Don't worry. I got this. [Clears throat]
Ma'am, I'll show you
right to your seat.
Just go with it. How much
did you get for the bags?
These guys at my college
used to do the same scam
with their luggage
at Christmas vacation.
I think you can get
more than 15...
It's an original con.
I invented it.
Oh, okay.
What?
I don't know if the check
will be here by Friday.
What?
It might. But...
It might take six weeks.
[Groans]
In six weeks?
That's too late.
We just flew...
I just risked my life for...
Sorry.
In six weeks? Who knows?
It could come sooner. It varies.
Right.
What could come sooner?
The check?
[Sighs]
Who even is she?
How is this person an asset?
I don't...
I don't understand.
Maybe I'll go to the restroom.
- [Bartender] It's broken.
- Huh?
You have to use the one outside
by the gas station.
[Light switch clicks]
[Ringing]
[Ringing]
- Yes?
- [Woman] There you are, hon.
I've been calling nonstop.
Sorry, I had it
on airplane mode.
Okay. So you landed.
You're home. Good.
I'm watching that antique show.
Do you have it on?
Yeah. Why don't you go to sleep
and we can just talk tomorrow...
Are you in bed, all cozy?
Put that wool pillow under your
knees. I'm using mine. It's so nice.
You have something
nice and crunchy to eat?
I can't see your face very well.
It's so dark.
- The light's broken.
- Oh.
Mmm. All right.
I'm ordering you a stick-on
light, like the one in your old room.
Okay, I know just which one.
What time is it there?
Our schedules
are so out of sync.
I know you feel better
when we're lined up,
- but that's impossible now.
- Yeah. I got it.
Okay, so it'll come tues...
No. Yes. Tuesday.
Did you get the case
of iced tea?
I saw something this morning
that made me think of you.
This is gonna make you so happy.
Type in "vemo infusion pitcher."
Click on the bottom picture,
and then zoom in, zoom in,
zoom back to...
Oh!
This guy's old rocking chair,
it's worth a half a million.
[Phone: Man chattering on TV]
He's so surprised. He had no...
I have a heist
we can do to get the 1,500.
I'm just gonna
start talking. Okay.
So, I'm not
a physician's assistant.
I don't even know
why I said that. Anyway.
I work at Abram's optics
in the galleria,
which if you don't know
is the worst branch there is.
Honestly, I'm wasting
my life there.
And I just sell bifocals
to aggro old people all day.
Mean but also super lonely
and desperate, you know?
Like, I've been invited
to easters and to mah-jongg
and to look at scrapbooks and...
I don't go, because it's gross,
but if I did, I bet you
that I would find mad antiques.
- [Theresa] Huh.
- Yeah.
I mean,
not super fancy ones, but...
I have a feeling that if I
said I liked something,
they would give it to me
for free or cheap,
and then we can sell it
and turn a tidy profit.
Boom!
Who do we sell the antiques to?
We can... we can get a stall
at the flea market.
I love the flea market.
It is so indie.
That is a great idea.
It is tremendous.
- [Woman] Right?
- Three-way split.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Of course. No problem.
It's like an internship.
I'm Melanie.
[Man] All right, okay. Melanie.
Meet old dolio.
- Old... what?
- Dolio.
Old dolio.
Okay. I like that. I like that.
[Sighs] See, this is exactly
the kind of thing
that I've been wanting...
- [Rumbling] -Don't touch!
- Don't touch the table.
I've been through tremors
a lot smaller than this.
Itjustturns everything
electric. It's like zap.
'Cause this is the way
the big one starts.
The noise,
it just keeps building
and building and building.
- But this one's not building.
- [Rumbling stops]
The big one will be loud. If
you're lucky, you'll get crushed.
And then you just die
right then and there.
Immediately,
a never-ending void.
Wow. So... yolo!
Am I right?
[Melanie] They are real
characters. Super unique.
But you vouch for them, right?
Vouch?
I just mean
on a level of basic safety.
I had a friend who did stripping
and I would never do that,
but this feels
like a little more...
Okay. If I'm being honest,
my favorite movies
are the ocean's eleven movies.
And I just am pretty psyched
about being on an actual heist.
How did you meet them?
They're my parents.
-Hey!
That's an interesting blouse.
Thank you.
It was actually a dress. And
then I just... [makes snipping sound]
I like your tr-track suit.
[Clears throat]
[Dog barking]
Sue! You look so great!
Here we are. This is my family.
I love these, sue.
Aren't they great?
My husband gave them to me.
[Sue] He got them in england.
My ancestors were British
on both sides.
I think people
are more civilized there.
More inclined to...
This is great.
Sue? I love this dog.
[Sue] Oh...
[Affecting English accent]
Blimey!
I've made a wretched mess,
I'm afraid.
[Affecting English accent]
Oh, that's all right, mum.
No bother, really.
I didn't realize, at first,
that you were...
But you're not British.
- No.
- No, you're too dark.
There are
dark people everywhere.
I know. I just meant what you
think of when you imagine a...
She's adopted. Yeah.
We always say we were given one
and we chose one.
[Sue] Om
that's just how I feel
about my doodlebug.
Come here, baby.
Doodlebug.
That's a beautiful name.
- Is that...
- It's French.
Mmm.
650? We need 1,500.
Don't wanna push it.
Deposits over 700
trigger a bank review.
So we'll do this
a few more times.
- [Theresa] Well, two more by Friday.
- [Man] Yeah.
What?
No. If we get caught,
this is gonna be much worse
for me because I'm puerto rican!
Isn't that amazing?
Old dolio learned to forge
before she learned to write.
Actually, that's how
she did learn to write.
What about my plan?
Was that just...
Your plan to cash in on the
generosity of lonely people?
Hey! Hey, hey...
You knocked off my nail. I...
I'm gonna have
to take them all off now,
becausellook like a crazy person
with just like one nail missing.
What are you...
Okay. I can...
You need, like, special
nail Polish remover for that.
Yep, yep, yep-this is a
very liquid, high-yield deal.
That's right.
It's a nice design.
I mean, I hadn't noticed.
It's kind of chic.
[Laughs]
Maybe we should give that
to stovik right now
and tell him the rest is coming.
How do you do? How do you do?
How do you do?
Look at this guy. Look at...
I feel like a senator.
[Sighs] I love hot tubs.
What color is your bathroom?
Do you think this will match?
This smoky, coraly thing?
[Gasps] Stop it!
You can just slide right in.
Come on in, old dolio.
I don't think
you're supposed to get in that.
Sure you can.
It's a dry test.
Get on in there.
Just make yourselves comfy.
Let me help you out.
I can do it.
Yeah. Get yourselves
comfortable.
Grab a seat.
Plenty to choose from.
Okay, now I want you guys to
imagine hot water right up to here.
Okay? I'm gonna
get in there with you.
- Okay. Yup. Sorry.
- [Plastic squeaking]
There are 47
adjustable massaging heads
with targeted neck
and shoulderjets.
A cascading waterfall, creating
a soothing ambience. Huh?
Uh, there's ambience.
Should I go on?
She's sold, right?
[Giggles]
How much is it?
9,499, okay?
Just $150 down and $99 a month,
with a 29% apr financing.
So, we pay $150,
we can walk away with it?
Yeah.
Well, not this exact one. It
has to ship from the warehouse.
But by the end
of the day tomorrow.
[Salesman] That's 150.
Um, so if I'm not happy,
I can return it at any point
and get a full refund?
Well, once it's installed,
you can't...
Oh, yeah. I-Installed, of course.
But if it hasn't been installed?
Then, sure. Yeah. If it
doesn't fit, or if the color's off.
And now, the cladding is extra.
I have a suggestion for you.
What?
Wear more clothes.
You're making everybody
feel uncomfortable.
[Man] I'll get a full refund?
Okay, we've got to be in and out
so we can catch the leak by 5:00.
Okay. Honestly,
I'm kind of excited,
because this guy
is such a creep.
So, his name is Abe.
Oh, god, this feels like
mission: Impossible.
Okay. So, he's what we call
a no-show.
He didn't pick up his glasses, so
I had to give him a reminder call,
and when I did, he asked
if I could come and deliver,
which I said normally
we wouldn't do that.
Butwhen I told him
that I was bringing my family,
he like was crying.
Like, so desperate. Itwas...
[Man] It's open!
So, I just... I just... okay.
Hi!
[Man] I'm not feeling well.
But... please.
Make... make yourself at home.
[Man] That's it.
Just be how you are at home.
Just a normal day
around the house.
I think he's just lonely.
No, he's pretending
he wants us to...
Right, like we're his family.
[Announcer on TV]
He's only two strokes
back right now,
and the only thing...
[Man] Good! That's good!
My son used to watch that.
Oh, Robert,
always with the sports!
Why don't you
mow the lawn for once?
[Man] Nice!
Do more like that.
How was school, hon?
School was fine.
How was your day?
[Man] A little louder, please.
How was your day?
What did you do today, mom?
That's nice, to be asked that.
You really wanna know?
Wasn't easy.
None of my days are easy.
Why? What happened?
The refrigerator broke.
[Theresa, quietly]
It's not in there.
You must be
the refrigerator repair person.
Okay.
I bet you meet a lot of lonely
women when you're out in the field.
Repairing refrigerators.
Housewives must be
throwing themselves at you, huh?
[Whispers]
If you need tools,
we have tools.
I'm just here to do a job.
[Quietly] Hey!
Checkbook is not here.
Check his bedroom.
Come on.
[Man] This is hard.
It's like trying
to fall asleep forever.
[Gasping]
It sounds good.
Maybe some silverware clinking?
Or play the piano.
I think it's in there,
but we have to wait.
It's 4:15. We'll miss the leak!
He's trying to...
Die.
But we should keep on.
He said he wants piano playing
and silverware clinking.
[Piano playing melody]
How was school, hon?
It was fine.
But I'm starving.
M-Me, too.
Would you like
some leftover cake?
Okay.
[Silverware clattering]
- [Cheering, chattering on TV]
- [Robert exclaims]
He just scored?
He scored a one-holer.
Do you think
I could have some of that?
- [Theresa] Would you like some milk?
- [Robert] Please.
- [Robert] Thank you. Thank you.
- [Old dolio] You're welcome.
You know, I think I will
mow the lawn tomorrow.
[Theresa]
You said that last weekend.
Did I? [Chuckles]
[Theresa, Robert chuckling]
Maybe I'll mow the lawn.
I'll just go into the garage
and get it out.
[TV sound mutes]
[Robert] Okay.
Go check. Go!
Am I still here?
Yeah.
You see how there's light?
You'll know because it'll
be dark all around and quiet.
Please.
Don't do anything to the house.
My kids have plans for it.
They're not bad kids.
Just busy.
Life is nothing.
Just let it go without
really thinking about it.
Like you're letting go of a...
Piece of string.
Just let it...
It's not that big of a deal.
Oh, no.
Oh, my god.
What's wrong?
What's wrong? This... oh!
- No, I mean...
- [Theresa] She has tender feelings.
You wouldn't know
anything about that.
- I know.
- [Robert] It's not a checkbook!
You're sad is what you are.
[Melanie] Huh?
I'm not gonna do this again. I don't
think we should take anything from him.
Okay. So, here we go.
I don't know. Somewhere
there's a checkbook in this house.
And when we find it, we're gonna cash
out the whole $850 and be done with it.
Because, quite frankly,
I'm feeling very uncomfortable.
I've been put in an
uncomfortable position, so...
There, go run the buckets.
You can still make it
if you take the 53.
Come on, hurry! Hurry!
[Melanie shudders]
I know. Okay, no. You sit
down and have a glass of water.
[Men chattering]
- [Instructor] And your son is how old?
- [Man] Three.
- [Instructor] And his name is?
- [Man] Cyrus. Cy.
[Instructor] Okay.
Hi, cy.
[Laughs]
He would too,
especially with new people.
He just goes ballistic.
Okay, okay, that's good.
So, we know now that we have
a three-year-old that tends to hit.
Okay. That's not abnormal.
So, first I'll just observe.
Okay.
All right.
Are you hungry?
Mmm, no.
Are you tired?
Mmm, no.
You look excited, cy.
Are you excited
to see the other children?
Do you just need
some of their attention?
- Yeah.
- Yeah! Okay.
And sometimes that's enough.
Just verbalizing the need is enough.
A three year-old that wants attention.
Not unreasonable. Right?
[People applauding]
[Sighs]
You should...
Well, if you want to.
She might do one more.
How about we do it together?
[Exhales]
Maybe you get the party started.
I'll just go check the front.
[Melanie] Okay.
I don't think old dolio
likes me.
Oh... sh-she doesn't
like anyone.
She's not like that.
And your daughter's name is?
Old dolio.
- Old?
- Dolio.
We named her after a
homeless guy who won the lottery,
hoping he'd put her in his will.
But old dolio, the old old dolio
used up all his money at the very end
on experimental...
Cancer stuff.
Okay.
And your daughter is?
She doesn't know anything
about tender feelings.
Hi, old dolio.
Okay, so I'm just gonna observe.
Are you feeling stressed?
No. No.
Do you wanna hold my hand?
No? Okay. Okay.
Mmm.
Your hair has gotten so long.
It's beautiful, hon.
Can I brush it?
- [Rumbling]
- [People chattering]
It's just a tremor. It's okay.
It's okay. You're okay with me.
[Rumbling continues, stops]
Uh, here.
Let's warm it up a little bit.
You'd better...
Oh! There's a drain under there.
On the floor. In the floor.
So, are you gonna return it
or sell it and then return it?
Or what do you want?
It's better with the light off.
Let's take a bath.
Are you surprised?
Maybe you didn't know
that I felt this way.
I'm the least surprised
I've ever been in my life.
So what's the plan?
You'll watch me undress and
you'll start getting your dick hard,
then I'll get in?
[Sighs]
Well?
[Comeon! Uaughs]
So, what were you picturing?
Soapy titties?
- Sure!
- Yeah? Sure!
Does this work?
No. Of course it doesn't work.
Why would it work?
Nothing works here. Pathetic.
So? Titty-fuck?
- That got your attention.
- [Theresa] Knock, knock.
Oh, my...
[Theresa] We want this to be
about your pleasure, too.
[Robert] Oh, yeah.
What makes you feel good?
- [Melanie] Amazing.
- [Robert] Listen, I...
- Let's just break for a snack, okay?
- We're surprised. I think...
[Clears throat loudly]
- Wh at?
- Wh at?
What are you guys doing?
Why are there crackers
on a plate?
Don't go, hon.
Hon?
You just...
- You've never called me that.
- I have.
- I have called you that.
- Oh?
Call me hon then.
What is that? Hmm? What is this?
"Newborn to 18 years."
You can't do it.
I bet you could
if it was a job though, right?
$1,575 to call me hon.
A three-way split.
It's 525 each.
I don't want to do it
that way this time.
It's one word, just say it.
You could just say it.
I can't just say it.
We don't call you hon,
or sweetheart, or baby.
We don't wrap up little
birthday presents with ribbons.
- I don't want...
- Yes!
That's what you want.
And what else? Hmm?
You want me to put you
on my abdomen?
Hmm? [Scoffs]
Make pancakes?
You want me
to do a little dance?
-Yes!
You want us to be false,
fakey people. Hmm?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
[Melanie] I'll do it!
I'll call you hon for $1,575.
Just keep walking.
Keep walking. Keep walking.
A lot of stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.
What's this?
Uh, it's a dumb mug warmer.
A lot of the times my mom will buy
two of something and just send me one.
[Liquid pouring]
It's Wednesday.
Wednesday it leaks three times
'cause of the sanitation.
It's really a three-person job.
It's all over the floor now.
They'll be calling any second.
After they put the buckets down.
Okay, uh...
Thank you. Or whatever.
Here. This should cover that.
Unless you bought it in bulk,
I don't know.
You don't pay for...
Okay, uh...
You'rejonesing. [Laughs]
What?
You're addicted to them.
My cousin, Timothy, when
he was trying to kick pills,
he would be fine.
And then he would have this sudden
wave of needing them really bad.
Well, I think this is a little different,
because they're my parents.
In what sense?
What?
In what sense
are they your parents?
What's an example?
We split everything three ways.
We have since I was little.
What do you spend yours on?
- What do... what?
- Your third?
Well, we go in
on everything equally!
Actually, that's another
example. That makes two things.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Hon?
Oh, hon.
My sweetheart.
My sweet baby.
There's a check cashing place
across the street.
So you're just gonna go...
Home.
Well, wait. You thought I
was gonna take this much for...
This is a full-service deal.
We don't call you hon,
sweetheart, or baby.
Did that.
We don't make...
Pancakes?
We don't have to...
You can just take it.
What was that thing she said
about putting you on her abdomen?
It's called a breast crawl.
It's not...
Uh... do a little dance?
I don't know why she said that.
Have you ever danced?
Yeah.
Birthdays?
Birthday presents
wrapped up with a bow.
Look. Let's not.
So when we've done these things,
then I want my money and you can go.
I have to get pancake stuff
for the morning.
- The morning?
- They're a morning thing.
There's a camera there,
there and there.
All super a security systems
are on a pentagram,
so you have to move
between the points.
Basically, the odd-numbered
aisles are free goods.
I'm buying this stuff, so...
Yeah.
It's just...
An interesting fact.
Isthatokay?
Oh, do you wanna...
I have pajamas.
No. I'm good.
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
What are...
Are you trying to... rile me up?
This is not gonna work.
I can't...
Here's what I would do.
Just one big one.
It's less flipping.
Yeah, but little things are...
It's fun.
[You just stack them.
Boop. Uaughs]
Most happiness
comes from dumb things.
Okay.
Okay. Uh, so, that's that.
That's, uh...
Oh, that. I could just crawl
out of a dark space to do that.
That's fine.
So, it'll be all dark,
and then I'll crawl out.
The lightwill be blinding.
And this is the abdomen.
And then we're done.
I know a place
that's darker than this.
This is fine. It'll work.
It's not gonna take long.
Oh, we're right by the seven.
You could just drop me
on the way back.
This is the...
Mm-hmm.
[Melanie] Light's broken.
[Sighs]
Well, it's dark.
But this was so far.
We could have been done by now.
Exactly.
- Okay, so I guess I'll
crawl out and... - [Rumbling]
- [Melanie] It's just a tremor.
- [Old dolio] No.
This one is...
This one is building!
- [Rumbling intensifies]
- [Both gasp]
It's happening!
- [Melanie] Out! Get out!
- [Old dolio] No, no, no!
Don't touch the door or
the walls! Everything is live!
Just stay in the middle!
[Rumbling continues]
[Rumbling subsides]
- [Melanie] Is the doorknob...
- [Old dolio] It's metal. It's live!
Don't touch it! Don't touch.
It's so quiet.
I don't hear anyone.
It is quiet.
Why is it so quiet?
- It's darker.
- [Melanie] It was dark before.
No, it's completely black.
Oh, my god.
What?
What?
[Groans]
- [Melanie] What?
- [Old dolio] You don't wanna know!
We're not in life anymore.
What?
Yeah. I think
it happened right away.
- Right after that first big noise.
- [Melanie] It?
We died.
I'm f-fine. I...
That's what everyone always
says right after. They can't believe it.
You might never believe it,
but this is just how it's gonna be.
Forever.
Just us.
- In blackness.
- [Melanie] Stop. That's not...
You can't believe it, because
you were married to life.
Hooked on it.
I wasn't hooked, so it's
not such a big deal to me.
- [Melanie] Itwould hurt.
- [Old dolio] I don't think so.
Please. Stop.
I can feel my face!
Yeah. That's just a memory.
[Old dolio sobbing quietly]
I don't have any regrets.
You're gonna
have regrets, though.
Because you're gonna miss sex
and dancing and pancakes.
I just had that one pancake.
So I'm not gonna be sad.
You looked in the mirror so many
times, you'll miss your face forever.
But I don't even
remember my face.
I can't even say
what I looked like.
You had long Sandy blond hair.
-Ice blue eyes, and... -[Old
dolio] Stop! It just doesn't matter!
And fair skin.
You know I was just
trying to Rob you?
You're such a stupid little idiot!
And your brain is in your tits!
The plan was for me to go
and stake out your apartment,
and get access to your account...
- [Vehicle approaching]
- [Music playing, faint]
[Thudding]
[Music continues playing, stops]
[Vehicle door opens, closes]
[Man] You guys fine?
Yeah. Are you?
Yeah. I was... I was driving.
Everyone stopped. It was crazy.
- We thought we were dead.
- [Melanie] I didn't think that.
I'm old dolio.
It's wonderful to meet you.
God bless you.
Okay, I'm not religious, but...
No, I'm not either. I've never
said that before in my life.
How about this? Right?
You think that was the big one?
- No.
- I don't think that.
It was.
That was it. [Laughs] Thank you.
Thank you.
Right. This is... this is dumb.
I'm never gonna forget you.
My whole life.
This... this Subaru.
I've memorized all of this.
Can we...
You guys okay?
Yes! How are you?
I'm fine.
Yeah, these are great structures
for quakes.
Since we're open 24 hours,
we gotta be ready for anything.
- Have you tried everything in this store?
- Nope.
That's what I would do if I
worked here. It's not too late!
You can try everything once
and then isolate your favorites
and just eat them on a perfect day
where you eat all your favorite foods.
That's what I would do
if I worked here.
So, do you apply?
Or how does that work?
Do you have to take special
training, or a class or something?
[Cell phone buzzing]
[Store bell chimes]
Yes! Yes! Come in! Come in!
Here. I'm gonna pop this!
That's how you open it, right?
Just pop!
Okay, that comes to $29.83.
That's my money.
So, no sale actually.
Uh, should I put all this back?
I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna leave.
[Chuckles] I didn't even...
I forgot about that whole thing!
Did you forget about robbing me?
Did you forget
you wanted to Rob me?
You wanted to gain access
to my account, remember?
My brain is in my tits.
That was just...
That was just a lie.
You don't believe me.
No, I believe you.
You don't.
-[Phone ringing] -Well,
what do I do? What can I...
- The ringer was off. I'm fine, mom.
- You're okay.
- [Melanie] Yeah, I'm okay.
- Here! I'll smash my finger with this!
- Wait. That was big.
- I'll do it.
I called the second I heard.
I've been calling and calling.
- [Melanie] I'm sorry.
- My heart is still pounding.
I don't know what to do.
What do I do?
- I could use a squeeze.
- Squeeze, squeeze, mama. I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do!
What is...
What is that behind you?
Maybe you should...
- Okay.
- Okay.
[Automated voice]
Thank you for waiting.
Someone will be
with you shortly.
They never pick up so...
[Phone: Instrumental
music playing]
You don't have to do it
if you don't want to.
It's like... if you don't...
[Instrumental music continues]
[Knocking]
[Theresa] Old dolio?
- Can you hear us?
- [Phone beeps, music stops]
[Robert] We've been calling
and calling and calling.
That was it. It was the big one!
You okay?
[Theresa] You're not ready
to talk yet. That's okay.
- [Robert, quietly] Just leave them?
- [Theresa] I... yes.
[Robert] Okay.
- [Theresa] We're going now.
- [Robert] Okay. Bye-bye.
[Paper crinkling]
"Happy birthday.
Our little girl is 14. Love..."
[Melanie] Newborn.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten,
11,12,13,14,15,16,17.
Where's the 18th one?
This is crap.
You know they're just...
I know it's some kind ofjob.
They're scamming me.
"Happy birthday.
Our little girl is 18.
Cordially invite..."
They want to take me out
to dinner.
Both of us.
At mlisse.
It's for my 18th birthday.
Is it your birthday?
No. And I'm 26.
- Uh, dontgo.
- Ihaveto.
No. But you don't!
Then leave the money here.
Just to make sure
that they don't...
[Exhales]
They think I don't know anything
about a fancy restaurant like that?
Well, we're gonna walk in there,
and they're gonna be like,
"whoa! Who even are you now?"
[Soft piano music playing]
Hi. We're meeting two others.
Could be under dyne.
Mm-hmm.
They're probably gonna be late.
It's three bus rides.
Nope.
I usually like to sit more in
the back, but this table's fine.
[Melanie] Thank you.
Can I start you off
with some drinks?
Yes.
Hlhave.
Do you still have the port?
The colheita
or the tawny 20-year?
Um... the colheita.
L-I guess I will have the, um...
[Muttering]
Actually, nothing. Water.
[Clears throat]
Isn't that the woman
who gave you the massage?
Oh, hi.
The healing arts.
That's a solid profession.
People are always in pain.
So, what do
your parents do, Melanie?
My mom works in real estate.
[Theresa] Oh, Robert used to...
[Robert] I used to publish a
resource guide for real estate agents.
With coupons.
[Theresa] We were
straight shooters back then.
Ifwe're being
completely honest...
Well, it was tough times, and...
You know, the coupon book
didn't really take.
Well, we were reacting
to the era. Everybody was.
Could I see the coupon book?
[Theresa] Of course,
then the culture changed.
And so now we look
sort of out of step.
[Maybe it'll change back. Uaughs]
It's returnable.
[Both] J happy birthday to you j
j happy birthday to you j
j happy birthday,
dear old dolio j
j happy birthday to you j
[smattering of applause]
[Clears throat]
Thirty-six hours ago I... sorry.
We were very angry at you.
But, um, I see now that it
was just a base response.
It was just fear, really.
Just fear.
And then after
the big one happened, I...
This is hard.
I'm not good at this.
After the... I...
We got very worried.
We didn't think you were dead,
but if you were dead...
I would have regretted not...
Doing enough things
to show you...
See, because, I don't know,
I just, um...
I always thought it was
insulting to treat you like a child.
It just always seemed
so insincere.
And I thought we agreed on that.
You know?
Um, butwhen, um...
After the...
The thing I just kept thinking
is I just wanna hold her face.
[Sobbing]
We've been very lucky
to have you.
[Sniffles]
Oh, god.
[Sobbing continues, sniffles]
[Clears throat]
We are very, very lucky
to have you as our daughter.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
[Robert chuckles]
[Robert] Good night,
sweet daughter.
Have sweet dreams.
Um, in the morning,
if you want, uh...
I can make pancakes.
Tomorrow's Friday. The check.
- We cashed it, but we haven't spent it.
- Don't worry about the rent.
We are the parents.
We'll handle it.
We've got a plan.
Okay.
I guess I'll s...
See you tomorrow.
- [Theresa] Yeah.
- Yep.
[Door closes]
So, if it's gone, they're monsters
and this whole night was a lie.
Okay?
But if it's there,
then this is all real.
You'll believe that?
Wait. Wait.
If it's just my third, 525...
Then that means...
"We can only ever be how we are.
But we love you, and...
We wish you well."
- It's all there.
- [Chuckles]
I'll probably take off early
tomorrow before you're up.
Thank you for everything.
Really.
No problem.
So what?
[Laughs]
[Both laugh]
[Inhales]
What?
[Scanner beeps]
Okay, so your refund
comes to 485.05.
[Pop ballad playing]
[Man] J lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j I have nobody j'
j' for my own j'
j now I'm so lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j wish I had someone j
j to call on the phone j
j now I'm a soldier j
j a lonely soldier j
j away from home j'
j through no wish of my own j
j that's why I'm lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j I wish that I could go j
j back home j
j letters j
j never a letter j
j I get no letters j
j in the mail j
j I've been forgotten j
j yes, forgotten j
j oh, how I wonder j
j how is it I failed j
j now I'm a soldier j
j a lonely soldier j
j away from home j
j through no wish of my own j
j that's why I'm lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j I wish that I could j
j go back j
jhomej
After this person.
- And clear.
- Not clear.
Now!
This could be cash. No.
Money order.
Twenty.
Oh, I think I saw these at...
I have a receipt
that will work for this.
Toys and games, 12.99, target.
Easy return.
This is not a cheap tie.
Well, you can't see it, because
you're not of gentle birth.
[Chuckles]
It's empty!
- [Rumbling]
- [Gasping]
[Rumbling stops]
Althea and Victor young,
fairglen road, ladera heights.
We could take the two. It goes
there from here. We got time.
Um, do the
catholic schoolgirl costume.
'Cause you've got some
heartstrings to pull.
And remember,
don't ask for a reward.
Just let them come to you.
You've got the watch, right?
Yeah.
[Clears throat, whistling]
[Chucang]
Wow. Look at this.
It was just right there.
I almost stepped on it.
All this time
it was just right there.
Yeah.
Do you go to sacred heart?
Our daughter Jenny
went to sacred heart.
Here. Let's have you
in for a coke.
- [Whistling continues]
- I've always believed in angels.
Not me. That's her thing.
What's this?
It's a gift certificate.
Their daughter's a masseuse.
Don't ask for a reward was plan
a. Plan b was ask for a reward.
Rich people can be
very cheap sometimes.
They were talking
about her nonstop.
She works at mlisse.
She went to college.
Mlisse?
They were obsessed.
It was creepy.
That's the most expensive
restaurant in la.
She just works there.
We, even to work there
you have to be rich.
- I mean, I...
- Wait.
1/2 fairglen road.
Four, four five
oh three and a half...
You were just there. This
is the house right behind it.
- This is worth money.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- See, dollar signs?
- Yeah.
[Stammering]
- This type of high-end... you know?
- It's good.
- It's worth 200 or 300 dollars.
- Yeah.
Okay, um...
Wait.
Cash refund.
Okay. What about a percentage
of the total value?
Like 75% of the total value.
No, that's not how... I'm sorry.
How do you know my parents?
Or, what about an exchange
for that rock?
- No.
- No? Okay.
What about these?
No? Understood.
This, uh... this shelf.
And that's gonna be my final...
Because.
It's not worth very much
and I'm gonna be taking
a loss on...
On the massage.
I'll take that.
Well, you don't
want a massage, right?
How long does this usually take?
Your gift certificate
is for 60 minutes. So...
Uh, n-no, I don't need... do
you think we could do it in 20?
Okay.
[Winces]
Okay. So just tell me
if it's too much pressure.
It's too much pressure.
Is this better?
Too much.
How about this?
[Grunts]
Is that better?
Yeah.
[Gasping]
[Knocking]
[Door opens]
[Man] Hi.
[Woman] We're with her.
Itwas taking a while, so...
[Man] No refund?
No, I don't refund gifts,
but we're almost done.
She only wanted 20 minutes.
Can we have that rock
for the other 40 minutes?
We won the vitafusion giveaway
under six different names today.
Oh! And the motor trend
dodge viper gt sweepstakes.
- It's a free visor.
- [Man] The little ones are popping!
Pop! Pop! Pop!
They're all popping!
Just stop. Hey! Okay?
A sport water bottle, bpa free,
with a carabiner.
I don't think
we've won that before.
Not bad for a Wednesday.
[Man] Hey, yo!
[Woman] Hey! Hey!
- Hey, you guys? I have a job!
- [Man] Shut the fuck up! Keep walking!
- Fuck.
- February. March. April?
Uh, we may have to
pay in installments.
In inst... no! No installment!
Rent is an installment.
It's a monthly installment.
We'll have it in the morning.
All of it. February,
march, April. All 1,500.
We were talking
about a job right now.
- We were, just now.
- Yeah.
- You only pay 500 a month?
- But it leaks.
It's very manageable. Very
manageable. It leaks on a schedule.
You're patting down
the wall afterwards, right?
- Oh, yeah!
- Good. Dampness becomes rot.
Then the whole
building collapses.
[Whimpering] Very expensive.
- Are you okay?
- [Sniffles, clears throat]
- It's my condition.
- He's got a...
I have no filters.
It's no big deal.
Ignore it. [Grunts]
- See you in the morning.
- Okay, we'll see you.
[Man] The other side!
I'm supposed to take this class.
It's required by my caseworker.
But I'm in the midst of
something, so if she could just go,
there's sign-up sheets.
Come on! I know you guys
do this stuff!
[Man] Tell them about the money!
I can pay 20 dollars.
You heard.
- Yeah, well, what about the...
- Yeah, so hurry up so we can go.
Thanks.
I like your...
What's your name?
Kelli. What's your name?
It's for the sign-up sheet.
Oh. It's Kelli fain.
Kelli with an "I." F-a-i-n.
You don't even have to go in.
Just get the yellow slip,
then come right back.
Oh, fain.
I need a yellow slip.
Oh, okay.
Dorinda can give you that.
She's this way.
[Woman] We're starting
a little late.
Maybe the time change
threw some people off.
Let's take a seat, please.
- Here's your slip.
- Thanks, dorinda.
Have a seat.
Let's get started.
If you need a caseworker receipt
from dorinda,
you can get it later
at the break.
Okay. There are work sheets
coming from both directions.
Take one and pass it down.
The blue one is the nutrition cheat
sheet that I mentioned to you yesterday.
Please take a look
at the pink sheet.
The one that says
"the breast crawl" on top.
Will you start the tape, please?
Thank you.
Okay. This is great. This is
the mother-baby bond at work.
If the newborn is immediately
placed on the mother's abdomen,
he makes his way all the way
to the breast all by himself.
Now, if a baby's placed on a
cot, the infant mortality goes up.
The bonding goes down.
The lactation goes down.
All that important stuff
we talked about yesterday.
Remember?
Baby's mouth opens
as he approaches the nipple...
And the bonding begins.
Shit, girl.
What'd you do, enroll?
What did I miss?
Uh, the breast crawl, and...
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna do that.
That's cool, huh?
Well, you don't want to
baby it like that. It'll get all...
[Phone:
Instrumental music playing]
[Humming]
[Automated voice] Thank you for
waiting. Someone will be with you shortly.
- [Phone beeps]
- [Music ends]
[Man snoring]
What are you doing up?
Uh... sorry. I just...
We won something big,
but we can't use it.
It's the oola luxe getaway.
It's a first-class trip for two
to the big apple.
It's redeemable for three
non-refundable coach tickets.
- He'll never fly.
- I know.
So, maybe we...
What is that?
A guy at the class gave me them.
D... do you want one?
[Sighs]
When a man gives you wood,
anything made out of wood,
he's saying, "you give me wood."
I've been to New York.
You and I could go together,
just the two of us.
Like a...
Mother-daughter getaway.
[Snoring continues]
-[Clears throat] -[Man] Oh,
hey, stovik. There you are.
That's a great jacket.
- You pat it down?
- Yeah.
- Oh, Theresa, I...
- Oh.
- [Chuckles]
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, the rest is coming.
We're on our way. We have to...
- What is this?
- A money order. Same as money.
Twenty dollars.
We have to check our mail.
And...
Well... oh, that. Now,
see, I think that's worth 50...
Not this time.
I can't do this anymore.
[Sobbing]
Are you crying?
[Metal scraping]
I'm patching the leak.
I'm evicting you.
I can get $10,000 for this
space, you understand? $10,000.
We have a child.
That wall is a sponge.
It's a sponge.
This building
ought to be condemned, really.
We could report it to the department
of health and human services!
What?
Okay. Okay.
Just give us till Friday.
You'll have 1,500 in cash bills.
We'll have it by Friday.
Dude, we need a little time
to get it together.
Friday, tomorrow?
It's tomorrow?
Um, I didn't literally mean... it's
just a saying, you know, "by Friday."
It just means end of the week.
Next Friday.
The one after that.
- Friday after next.
- Yeah.
- Two weeks.
- Uh-huh.
Two weeks.
Shit! We don't have time
to be horsing around.
That was our best thing.
It's a new camera.
I didn't know about it.
[Grumbling] This is really bad.
Once your face is in
their system, they got you.
- Fines, 401(K), home equity.
- [Theresa] Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But maybe you want all that,
I don't know.
- Me? I prefer to just skim.
- So do I.
Do you? Oh. That's interesting.
'Cause most people want to be
kajillionaires. That's the dream.
That's how they get you hooked.
Hooked on sugar,
hooked on caffeine.
Ha, ha, ha! Cry, cry, cry!
Mother-daughter getaway.
How the fuck does that
help us get the rent?
God! Come on! Think!
Okay, so... [clears throat]
We all fly to New York together
on Wednesday,
and then we fly right back
as strangers.
So, at the baggage carousel,
we don't know each other.
Don't... don't look at me.
I am looking around.
I want to make sure
these are our bags.
Excuse me, sir. Is this the
luggage for the flight from New York?
You two know each other.
- [Man] We're a couple?
- Yeah.
I see. I am the dum-dum now.
I have a bachelor's degree. She
doesn't even know what that is.
Then you accidentally
take my bags and go home.
I'll stay at the airport
and report my loss.
Luckily, I have traveler's insurance,
so they'll issue us a check for, uh...
Um... [clears throat]
$1,575,
which we can just sign right
over to stovik the next day
and be more
than a full week early.
[Rumbling]
[Intercom dings]
[Pilot] Ladies and gentlemen, we
are experiencing some choppy air here.
Please return to your seats
and fasten your seat belts.
We'll be going up to 37,000 feet
for a smoother ride.
[Muttering, gasping]
Okay. Just breathe normally.
Just breathe normally.
All right, talk. Let's talk.
Okay? Talk.
Let's say something.
Just say something.
Don't pray. God, are you
praying? Just talk! Talk. Okay.
How are you? Oh...
How are you?
What are your interests?
- My interests?
- Your interests, your interests!
-I don't know! What do you want
me... -Go! Go! Just say anything!
Some people think that a brand-new
baby, if you put it on the abdomen,
it'll just automatically crawl
up to the mom's breast.
But if you put it on a cot,
it'll, I guess, cry more.
But a breast crawl baby...
Don't say "breast."
I just wonder how
a baby would know where...
- Stop.
- [Rumbling stops]
It's smooth now.
What was the point of all that?
He told me to talk.
Are you pregnant?
Did I crawl up,
or was I put on a cot?
Answer.
How would that
have even happened?
A cot.
Is she pregnant?
[Sniffing]
[Airplane passing overhead]
[Woman] My mom lives in new
Jersey. We're not that close.
We hardly ever talk now
that I live in la.
I've been here almost a year
and it's so hard to meet people.
Do you guys find that?
Okay. What else? [Stammering]
I live in highland park,
above thrive.
So, is this the kind of thing
that you...
[Man] Just keep talking.
Anything. Anything.
- Okay.
- Anything. Go. Go. Go.
I am a physician's assistant in
ophthalmology at cedars-sinai.
Is this the normal amount
of turbulence for this route?
- Yes.
- Really?
Totally. It's...
- Oh, no!
- What?
Oh. [Laughs]
I thought that I forgot
my headphones.
Did they say there was Wi-Fi
on this plane? I don't remember.
Oh, there is. Oh, you gotta pay!
- Why do they do that?
- You're better off...
Oh, this? Oh, I know.
Trust me, I'm the worst.
I sleep with it.
It's like my third arm.
It's a tool.
It was originally designed by and for
the military and intelligence community.
The CIA and army
ground ops specifically.
It is a powerful
and dangerous tool.
You don't have a cell phone?
I use it as it was intended.
And I don't dress it up
and play Dolly with it.
Well, then don't meet my mom.
She is... whoo!
She is always on her phone. I'm
talking about always on her phone.
Oh! Yes!
- Screwdriver for her.
- [Man] I don't want it.
- [Rumbling]
- Gin and tonic, gin and tonic.
Here, open up
that bad boy. Okay.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Trust me. This will help a lot.
Salud.
My only concern is that we
won't be thinking clearly enough
in the event
of a real emergency.
Oh, are you...
My aunt has a friend
who's amish.
- No, we're notamish. We use alcohol.
- Oh.
When we're injured.
To numb the pain.
Okay, that sounds amish.
Look, I know there's
a lot of discrimination.
My friend used to go to a
quaker school. And let me...
[Watches beeping in unison]
That's super random. [Chuckles]
Om okay! All right!
Chug! Chug!
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
Yes! Let's get
this party started!
[Man]
You never lived in Providence?
I never did.
This is so weird.
- There's a girl there who looks just...
- He's staring at your blouse.
I know. I can handle it. Mm-hmm.
Okay. All right, everybody.
Check your pockets.
It may be a bait and switch.
A what?
A distraction.
Might be a pickpocket.
- You mean a thief?
- Yeah.
That is not what just happened.
You don't know
about these things.
I don't... no. This happens
to me like every day.
What?
What is it that you guys do?
Come on.
You know everything about me.
You know where I live
and what my grandma's name is.
So, what are you... what
are you guys, like professors?
Yeah? That was
a really great guess.
No. No, you're not.
Uh-uh.
You're like, um...
Would you consider yourself
a trustworthy person?
- Is that one of your qualities?
- You don't have to answer that.
Yes.
[Man] We have something
very big happening at the airport.
[Woman] Oh, my god. I knew
you guys were up to something.
[Man] There's two of us
and there's three bags.
- Do you see where I'm going with this?
- [Woman] Not at all.
[Chattering]
- Why not let me take your little bag.
- Okay.
There we go.
[Woman] Thank you.
- Is that the last one?
- [Chattering continues]
You got everything? Okay.
Off we go.
So if they are lost,
and I'm not saying they are,
but if they are,
your traveler's insurance
covers you for up to $1,575.
You get that as soon as
the loss is verified.
How long does that usually take?
They're pretty quick.
Six weeks at the longest.
And the shortest?
That really varies.
But don't worry. It's really rare
that we completely lose a bag.
I'm sure they'll turn up.
[Phone dinging]
- [Upbeat pop music playing] -
Yeah, it's a pretty good deal here.
- [Theresa] She's here.
- Don't worry. I got this. [Clears throat]
Ma'am, I'll show you
right to your seat.
Just go with it. How much
did you get for the bags?
These guys at my college
used to do the same scam
with their luggage
at Christmas vacation.
I think you can get
more than 15...
It's an original con.
I invented it.
Oh, okay.
What?
I don't know if the check
will be here by Friday.
What?
It might. But...
It might take six weeks.
[Groans]
In six weeks?
That's too late.
We just flew...
I just risked my life for...
Sorry.
In six weeks? Who knows?
It could come sooner. It varies.
Right.
What could come sooner?
The check?
[Sighs]
Who even is she?
How is this person an asset?
I don't...
I don't understand.
Maybe I'll go to the restroom.
- [Bartender] It's broken.
- Huh?
You have to use the one outside
by the gas station.
[Light switch clicks]
[Ringing]
[Ringing]
- Yes?
- [Woman] There you are, hon.
I've been calling nonstop.
Sorry, I had it
on airplane mode.
Okay. So you landed.
You're home. Good.
I'm watching that antique show.
Do you have it on?
Yeah. Why don't you go to sleep
and we can just talk tomorrow...
Are you in bed, all cozy?
Put that wool pillow under your
knees. I'm using mine. It's so nice.
You have something
nice and crunchy to eat?
I can't see your face very well.
It's so dark.
- The light's broken.
- Oh.
Mmm. All right.
I'm ordering you a stick-on
light, like the one in your old room.
Okay, I know just which one.
What time is it there?
Our schedules
are so out of sync.
I know you feel better
when we're lined up,
- but that's impossible now.
- Yeah. I got it.
Okay, so it'll come tues...
No. Yes. Tuesday.
Did you get the case
of iced tea?
I saw something this morning
that made me think of you.
This is gonna make you so happy.
Type in "vemo infusion pitcher."
Click on the bottom picture,
and then zoom in, zoom in,
zoom back to...
Oh!
This guy's old rocking chair,
it's worth a half a million.
[Phone: Man chattering on TV]
He's so surprised. He had no...
I have a heist
we can do to get the 1,500.
I'm just gonna
start talking. Okay.
So, I'm not
a physician's assistant.
I don't even know
why I said that. Anyway.
I work at Abram's optics
in the galleria,
which if you don't know
is the worst branch there is.
Honestly, I'm wasting
my life there.
And I just sell bifocals
to aggro old people all day.
Mean but also super lonely
and desperate, you know?
Like, I've been invited
to easters and to mah-jongg
and to look at scrapbooks and...
I don't go, because it's gross,
but if I did, I bet you
that I would find mad antiques.
- [Theresa] Huh.
- Yeah.
I mean,
not super fancy ones, but...
I have a feeling that if I
said I liked something,
they would give it to me
for free or cheap,
and then we can sell it
and turn a tidy profit.
Boom!
Who do we sell the antiques to?
We can... we can get a stall
at the flea market.
I love the flea market.
It is so indie.
That is a great idea.
It is tremendous.
- [Woman] Right?
- Three-way split.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Of course. No problem.
It's like an internship.
I'm Melanie.
[Man] All right, okay. Melanie.
Meet old dolio.
- Old... what?
- Dolio.
Old dolio.
Okay. I like that. I like that.
[Sighs] See, this is exactly
the kind of thing
that I've been wanting...
- [Rumbling] -Don't touch!
- Don't touch the table.
I've been through tremors
a lot smaller than this.
Itjustturns everything
electric. It's like zap.
'Cause this is the way
the big one starts.
The noise,
it just keeps building
and building and building.
- But this one's not building.
- [Rumbling stops]
The big one will be loud. If
you're lucky, you'll get crushed.
And then you just die
right then and there.
Immediately,
a never-ending void.
Wow. So... yolo!
Am I right?
[Melanie] They are real
characters. Super unique.
But you vouch for them, right?
Vouch?
I just mean
on a level of basic safety.
I had a friend who did stripping
and I would never do that,
but this feels
like a little more...
Okay. If I'm being honest,
my favorite movies
are the ocean's eleven movies.
And I just am pretty psyched
about being on an actual heist.
How did you meet them?
They're my parents.
-Hey!
That's an interesting blouse.
Thank you.
It was actually a dress. And
then I just... [makes snipping sound]
I like your tr-track suit.
[Clears throat]
[Dog barking]
Sue! You look so great!
Here we are. This is my family.
I love these, sue.
Aren't they great?
My husband gave them to me.
[Sue] He got them in england.
My ancestors were British
on both sides.
I think people
are more civilized there.
More inclined to...
This is great.
Sue? I love this dog.
[Sue] Oh...
[Affecting English accent]
Blimey!
I've made a wretched mess,
I'm afraid.
[Affecting English accent]
Oh, that's all right, mum.
No bother, really.
I didn't realize, at first,
that you were...
But you're not British.
- No.
- No, you're too dark.
There are
dark people everywhere.
I know. I just meant what you
think of when you imagine a...
She's adopted. Yeah.
We always say we were given one
and we chose one.
[Sue] Om
that's just how I feel
about my doodlebug.
Come here, baby.
Doodlebug.
That's a beautiful name.
- Is that...
- It's French.
Mmm.
650? We need 1,500.
Don't wanna push it.
Deposits over 700
trigger a bank review.
So we'll do this
a few more times.
- [Theresa] Well, two more by Friday.
- [Man] Yeah.
What?
No. If we get caught,
this is gonna be much worse
for me because I'm puerto rican!
Isn't that amazing?
Old dolio learned to forge
before she learned to write.
Actually, that's how
she did learn to write.
What about my plan?
Was that just...
Your plan to cash in on the
generosity of lonely people?
Hey! Hey, hey...
You knocked off my nail. I...
I'm gonna have
to take them all off now,
becausellook like a crazy person
with just like one nail missing.
What are you...
Okay. I can...
You need, like, special
nail Polish remover for that.
Yep, yep, yep-this is a
very liquid, high-yield deal.
That's right.
It's a nice design.
I mean, I hadn't noticed.
It's kind of chic.
[Laughs]
Maybe we should give that
to stovik right now
and tell him the rest is coming.
How do you do? How do you do?
How do you do?
Look at this guy. Look at...
I feel like a senator.
[Sighs] I love hot tubs.
What color is your bathroom?
Do you think this will match?
This smoky, coraly thing?
[Gasps] Stop it!
You can just slide right in.
Come on in, old dolio.
I don't think
you're supposed to get in that.
Sure you can.
It's a dry test.
Get on in there.
Just make yourselves comfy.
Let me help you out.
I can do it.
Yeah. Get yourselves
comfortable.
Grab a seat.
Plenty to choose from.
Okay, now I want you guys to
imagine hot water right up to here.
Okay? I'm gonna
get in there with you.
- Okay. Yup. Sorry.
- [Plastic squeaking]
There are 47
adjustable massaging heads
with targeted neck
and shoulderjets.
A cascading waterfall, creating
a soothing ambience. Huh?
Uh, there's ambience.
Should I go on?
She's sold, right?
[Giggles]
How much is it?
9,499, okay?
Just $150 down and $99 a month,
with a 29% apr financing.
So, we pay $150,
we can walk away with it?
Yeah.
Well, not this exact one. It
has to ship from the warehouse.
But by the end
of the day tomorrow.
[Salesman] That's 150.
Um, so if I'm not happy,
I can return it at any point
and get a full refund?
Well, once it's installed,
you can't...
Oh, yeah. I-Installed, of course.
But if it hasn't been installed?
Then, sure. Yeah. If it
doesn't fit, or if the color's off.
And now, the cladding is extra.
I have a suggestion for you.
What?
Wear more clothes.
You're making everybody
feel uncomfortable.
[Man] I'll get a full refund?
Okay, we've got to be in and out
so we can catch the leak by 5:00.
Okay. Honestly,
I'm kind of excited,
because this guy
is such a creep.
So, his name is Abe.
Oh, god, this feels like
mission: Impossible.
Okay. So, he's what we call
a no-show.
He didn't pick up his glasses, so
I had to give him a reminder call,
and when I did, he asked
if I could come and deliver,
which I said normally
we wouldn't do that.
Butwhen I told him
that I was bringing my family,
he like was crying.
Like, so desperate. Itwas...
[Man] It's open!
So, I just... I just... okay.
Hi!
[Man] I'm not feeling well.
But... please.
Make... make yourself at home.
[Man] That's it.
Just be how you are at home.
Just a normal day
around the house.
I think he's just lonely.
No, he's pretending
he wants us to...
Right, like we're his family.
[Announcer on TV]
He's only two strokes
back right now,
and the only thing...
[Man] Good! That's good!
My son used to watch that.
Oh, Robert,
always with the sports!
Why don't you
mow the lawn for once?
[Man] Nice!
Do more like that.
How was school, hon?
School was fine.
How was your day?
[Man] A little louder, please.
How was your day?
What did you do today, mom?
That's nice, to be asked that.
You really wanna know?
Wasn't easy.
None of my days are easy.
Why? What happened?
The refrigerator broke.
[Theresa, quietly]
It's not in there.
You must be
the refrigerator repair person.
Okay.
I bet you meet a lot of lonely
women when you're out in the field.
Repairing refrigerators.
Housewives must be
throwing themselves at you, huh?
[Whispers]
If you need tools,
we have tools.
I'm just here to do a job.
[Quietly] Hey!
Checkbook is not here.
Check his bedroom.
Come on.
[Man] This is hard.
It's like trying
to fall asleep forever.
[Gasping]
It sounds good.
Maybe some silverware clinking?
Or play the piano.
I think it's in there,
but we have to wait.
It's 4:15. We'll miss the leak!
He's trying to...
Die.
But we should keep on.
He said he wants piano playing
and silverware clinking.
[Piano playing melody]
How was school, hon?
It was fine.
But I'm starving.
M-Me, too.
Would you like
some leftover cake?
Okay.
[Silverware clattering]
- [Cheering, chattering on TV]
- [Robert exclaims]
He just scored?
He scored a one-holer.
Do you think
I could have some of that?
- [Theresa] Would you like some milk?
- [Robert] Please.
- [Robert] Thank you. Thank you.
- [Old dolio] You're welcome.
You know, I think I will
mow the lawn tomorrow.
[Theresa]
You said that last weekend.
Did I? [Chuckles]
[Theresa, Robert chuckling]
Maybe I'll mow the lawn.
I'll just go into the garage
and get it out.
[TV sound mutes]
[Robert] Okay.
Go check. Go!
Am I still here?
Yeah.
You see how there's light?
You'll know because it'll
be dark all around and quiet.
Please.
Don't do anything to the house.
My kids have plans for it.
They're not bad kids.
Just busy.
Life is nothing.
Just let it go without
really thinking about it.
Like you're letting go of a...
Piece of string.
Just let it...
It's not that big of a deal.
Oh, no.
Oh, my god.
What's wrong?
What's wrong? This... oh!
- No, I mean...
- [Theresa] She has tender feelings.
You wouldn't know
anything about that.
- I know.
- [Robert] It's not a checkbook!
You're sad is what you are.
[Melanie] Huh?
I'm not gonna do this again. I don't
think we should take anything from him.
Okay. So, here we go.
I don't know. Somewhere
there's a checkbook in this house.
And when we find it, we're gonna cash
out the whole $850 and be done with it.
Because, quite frankly,
I'm feeling very uncomfortable.
I've been put in an
uncomfortable position, so...
There, go run the buckets.
You can still make it
if you take the 53.
Come on, hurry! Hurry!
[Melanie shudders]
I know. Okay, no. You sit
down and have a glass of water.
[Men chattering]
- [Instructor] And your son is how old?
- [Man] Three.
- [Instructor] And his name is?
- [Man] Cyrus. Cy.
[Instructor] Okay.
Hi, cy.
[Laughs]
He would too,
especially with new people.
He just goes ballistic.
Okay, okay, that's good.
So, we know now that we have
a three-year-old that tends to hit.
Okay. That's not abnormal.
So, first I'll just observe.
Okay.
All right.
Are you hungry?
Mmm, no.
Are you tired?
Mmm, no.
You look excited, cy.
Are you excited
to see the other children?
Do you just need
some of their attention?
- Yeah.
- Yeah! Okay.
And sometimes that's enough.
Just verbalizing the need is enough.
A three year-old that wants attention.
Not unreasonable. Right?
[People applauding]
[Sighs]
You should...
Well, if you want to.
She might do one more.
How about we do it together?
[Exhales]
Maybe you get the party started.
I'll just go check the front.
[Melanie] Okay.
I don't think old dolio
likes me.
Oh... sh-she doesn't
like anyone.
She's not like that.
And your daughter's name is?
Old dolio.
- Old?
- Dolio.
We named her after a
homeless guy who won the lottery,
hoping he'd put her in his will.
But old dolio, the old old dolio
used up all his money at the very end
on experimental...
Cancer stuff.
Okay.
And your daughter is?
She doesn't know anything
about tender feelings.
Hi, old dolio.
Okay, so I'm just gonna observe.
Are you feeling stressed?
No. No.
Do you wanna hold my hand?
No? Okay. Okay.
Mmm.
Your hair has gotten so long.
It's beautiful, hon.
Can I brush it?
- [Rumbling]
- [People chattering]
It's just a tremor. It's okay.
It's okay. You're okay with me.
[Rumbling continues, stops]
Uh, here.
Let's warm it up a little bit.
You'd better...
Oh! There's a drain under there.
On the floor. In the floor.
So, are you gonna return it
or sell it and then return it?
Or what do you want?
It's better with the light off.
Let's take a bath.
Are you surprised?
Maybe you didn't know
that I felt this way.
I'm the least surprised
I've ever been in my life.
So what's the plan?
You'll watch me undress and
you'll start getting your dick hard,
then I'll get in?
[Sighs]
Well?
[Comeon! Uaughs]
So, what were you picturing?
Soapy titties?
- Sure!
- Yeah? Sure!
Does this work?
No. Of course it doesn't work.
Why would it work?
Nothing works here. Pathetic.
So? Titty-fuck?
- That got your attention.
- [Theresa] Knock, knock.
Oh, my...
[Theresa] We want this to be
about your pleasure, too.
[Robert] Oh, yeah.
What makes you feel good?
- [Melanie] Amazing.
- [Robert] Listen, I...
- Let's just break for a snack, okay?
- We're surprised. I think...
[Clears throat loudly]
- Wh at?
- Wh at?
What are you guys doing?
Why are there crackers
on a plate?
Don't go, hon.
Hon?
You just...
- You've never called me that.
- I have.
- I have called you that.
- Oh?
Call me hon then.
What is that? Hmm? What is this?
"Newborn to 18 years."
You can't do it.
I bet you could
if it was a job though, right?
$1,575 to call me hon.
A three-way split.
It's 525 each.
I don't want to do it
that way this time.
It's one word, just say it.
You could just say it.
I can't just say it.
We don't call you hon,
or sweetheart, or baby.
We don't wrap up little
birthday presents with ribbons.
- I don't want...
- Yes!
That's what you want.
And what else? Hmm?
You want me to put you
on my abdomen?
Hmm? [Scoffs]
Make pancakes?
You want me
to do a little dance?
-Yes!
You want us to be false,
fakey people. Hmm?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
[Melanie] I'll do it!
I'll call you hon for $1,575.
Just keep walking.
Keep walking. Keep walking.
A lot of stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.
What's this?
Uh, it's a dumb mug warmer.
A lot of the times my mom will buy
two of something and just send me one.
[Liquid pouring]
It's Wednesday.
Wednesday it leaks three times
'cause of the sanitation.
It's really a three-person job.
It's all over the floor now.
They'll be calling any second.
After they put the buckets down.
Okay, uh...
Thank you. Or whatever.
Here. This should cover that.
Unless you bought it in bulk,
I don't know.
You don't pay for...
Okay, uh...
You'rejonesing. [Laughs]
What?
You're addicted to them.
My cousin, Timothy, when
he was trying to kick pills,
he would be fine.
And then he would have this sudden
wave of needing them really bad.
Well, I think this is a little different,
because they're my parents.
In what sense?
What?
In what sense
are they your parents?
What's an example?
We split everything three ways.
We have since I was little.
What do you spend yours on?
- What do... what?
- Your third?
Well, we go in
on everything equally!
Actually, that's another
example. That makes two things.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Hon?
Oh, hon.
My sweetheart.
My sweet baby.
There's a check cashing place
across the street.
So you're just gonna go...
Home.
Well, wait. You thought I
was gonna take this much for...
This is a full-service deal.
We don't call you hon,
sweetheart, or baby.
Did that.
We don't make...
Pancakes?
We don't have to...
You can just take it.
What was that thing she said
about putting you on her abdomen?
It's called a breast crawl.
It's not...
Uh... do a little dance?
I don't know why she said that.
Have you ever danced?
Yeah.
Birthdays?
Birthday presents
wrapped up with a bow.
Look. Let's not.
So when we've done these things,
then I want my money and you can go.
I have to get pancake stuff
for the morning.
- The morning?
- They're a morning thing.
There's a camera there,
there and there.
All super a security systems
are on a pentagram,
so you have to move
between the points.
Basically, the odd-numbered
aisles are free goods.
I'm buying this stuff, so...
Yeah.
It's just...
An interesting fact.
Isthatokay?
Oh, do you wanna...
I have pajamas.
No. I'm good.
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
What are...
Are you trying to... rile me up?
This is not gonna work.
I can't...
Here's what I would do.
Just one big one.
It's less flipping.
Yeah, but little things are...
It's fun.
[You just stack them.
Boop. Uaughs]
Most happiness
comes from dumb things.
Okay.
Okay. Uh, so, that's that.
That's, uh...
Oh, that. I could just crawl
out of a dark space to do that.
That's fine.
So, it'll be all dark,
and then I'll crawl out.
The lightwill be blinding.
And this is the abdomen.
And then we're done.
I know a place
that's darker than this.
This is fine. It'll work.
It's not gonna take long.
Oh, we're right by the seven.
You could just drop me
on the way back.
This is the...
Mm-hmm.
[Melanie] Light's broken.
[Sighs]
Well, it's dark.
But this was so far.
We could have been done by now.
Exactly.
- Okay, so I guess I'll
crawl out and... - [Rumbling]
- [Melanie] It's just a tremor.
- [Old dolio] No.
This one is...
This one is building!
- [Rumbling intensifies]
- [Both gasp]
It's happening!
- [Melanie] Out! Get out!
- [Old dolio] No, no, no!
Don't touch the door or
the walls! Everything is live!
Just stay in the middle!
[Rumbling continues]
[Rumbling subsides]
- [Melanie] Is the doorknob...
- [Old dolio] It's metal. It's live!
Don't touch it! Don't touch.
It's so quiet.
I don't hear anyone.
It is quiet.
Why is it so quiet?
- It's darker.
- [Melanie] It was dark before.
No, it's completely black.
Oh, my god.
What?
What?
[Groans]
- [Melanie] What?
- [Old dolio] You don't wanna know!
We're not in life anymore.
What?
Yeah. I think
it happened right away.
- Right after that first big noise.
- [Melanie] It?
We died.
I'm f-fine. I...
That's what everyone always
says right after. They can't believe it.
You might never believe it,
but this is just how it's gonna be.
Forever.
Just us.
- In blackness.
- [Melanie] Stop. That's not...
You can't believe it, because
you were married to life.
Hooked on it.
I wasn't hooked, so it's
not such a big deal to me.
- [Melanie] Itwould hurt.
- [Old dolio] I don't think so.
Please. Stop.
I can feel my face!
Yeah. That's just a memory.
[Old dolio sobbing quietly]
I don't have any regrets.
You're gonna
have regrets, though.
Because you're gonna miss sex
and dancing and pancakes.
I just had that one pancake.
So I'm not gonna be sad.
You looked in the mirror so many
times, you'll miss your face forever.
But I don't even
remember my face.
I can't even say
what I looked like.
You had long Sandy blond hair.
-Ice blue eyes, and... -[Old
dolio] Stop! It just doesn't matter!
And fair skin.
You know I was just
trying to Rob you?
You're such a stupid little idiot!
And your brain is in your tits!
The plan was for me to go
and stake out your apartment,
and get access to your account...
- [Vehicle approaching]
- [Music playing, faint]
[Thudding]
[Music continues playing, stops]
[Vehicle door opens, closes]
[Man] You guys fine?
Yeah. Are you?
Yeah. I was... I was driving.
Everyone stopped. It was crazy.
- We thought we were dead.
- [Melanie] I didn't think that.
I'm old dolio.
It's wonderful to meet you.
God bless you.
Okay, I'm not religious, but...
No, I'm not either. I've never
said that before in my life.
How about this? Right?
You think that was the big one?
- No.
- I don't think that.
It was.
That was it. [Laughs] Thank you.
Thank you.
Right. This is... this is dumb.
I'm never gonna forget you.
My whole life.
This... this Subaru.
I've memorized all of this.
Can we...
You guys okay?
Yes! How are you?
I'm fine.
Yeah, these are great structures
for quakes.
Since we're open 24 hours,
we gotta be ready for anything.
- Have you tried everything in this store?
- Nope.
That's what I would do if I
worked here. It's not too late!
You can try everything once
and then isolate your favorites
and just eat them on a perfect day
where you eat all your favorite foods.
That's what I would do
if I worked here.
So, do you apply?
Or how does that work?
Do you have to take special
training, or a class or something?
[Cell phone buzzing]
[Store bell chimes]
Yes! Yes! Come in! Come in!
Here. I'm gonna pop this!
That's how you open it, right?
Just pop!
Okay, that comes to $29.83.
That's my money.
So, no sale actually.
Uh, should I put all this back?
I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna leave.
[Chuckles] I didn't even...
I forgot about that whole thing!
Did you forget about robbing me?
Did you forget
you wanted to Rob me?
You wanted to gain access
to my account, remember?
My brain is in my tits.
That was just...
That was just a lie.
You don't believe me.
No, I believe you.
You don't.
-[Phone ringing] -Well,
what do I do? What can I...
- The ringer was off. I'm fine, mom.
- You're okay.
- [Melanie] Yeah, I'm okay.
- Here! I'll smash my finger with this!
- Wait. That was big.
- I'll do it.
I called the second I heard.
I've been calling and calling.
- [Melanie] I'm sorry.
- My heart is still pounding.
I don't know what to do.
What do I do?
- I could use a squeeze.
- Squeeze, squeeze, mama. I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do!
What is...
What is that behind you?
Maybe you should...
- Okay.
- Okay.
[Automated voice]
Thank you for waiting.
Someone will be
with you shortly.
They never pick up so...
[Phone: Instrumental
music playing]
You don't have to do it
if you don't want to.
It's like... if you don't...
[Instrumental music continues]
[Knocking]
[Theresa] Old dolio?
- Can you hear us?
- [Phone beeps, music stops]
[Robert] We've been calling
and calling and calling.
That was it. It was the big one!
You okay?
[Theresa] You're not ready
to talk yet. That's okay.
- [Robert, quietly] Just leave them?
- [Theresa] I... yes.
[Robert] Okay.
- [Theresa] We're going now.
- [Robert] Okay. Bye-bye.
[Paper crinkling]
"Happy birthday.
Our little girl is 14. Love..."
[Melanie] Newborn.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten,
11,12,13,14,15,16,17.
Where's the 18th one?
This is crap.
You know they're just...
I know it's some kind ofjob.
They're scamming me.
"Happy birthday.
Our little girl is 18.
Cordially invite..."
They want to take me out
to dinner.
Both of us.
At mlisse.
It's for my 18th birthday.
Is it your birthday?
No. And I'm 26.
- Uh, dontgo.
- Ihaveto.
No. But you don't!
Then leave the money here.
Just to make sure
that they don't...
[Exhales]
They think I don't know anything
about a fancy restaurant like that?
Well, we're gonna walk in there,
and they're gonna be like,
"whoa! Who even are you now?"
[Soft piano music playing]
Hi. We're meeting two others.
Could be under dyne.
Mm-hmm.
They're probably gonna be late.
It's three bus rides.
Nope.
I usually like to sit more in
the back, but this table's fine.
[Melanie] Thank you.
Can I start you off
with some drinks?
Yes.
Hlhave.
Do you still have the port?
The colheita
or the tawny 20-year?
Um... the colheita.
L-I guess I will have the, um...
[Muttering]
Actually, nothing. Water.
[Clears throat]
Isn't that the woman
who gave you the massage?
Oh, hi.
The healing arts.
That's a solid profession.
People are always in pain.
So, what do
your parents do, Melanie?
My mom works in real estate.
[Theresa] Oh, Robert used to...
[Robert] I used to publish a
resource guide for real estate agents.
With coupons.
[Theresa] We were
straight shooters back then.
Ifwe're being
completely honest...
Well, it was tough times, and...
You know, the coupon book
didn't really take.
Well, we were reacting
to the era. Everybody was.
Could I see the coupon book?
[Theresa] Of course,
then the culture changed.
And so now we look
sort of out of step.
[Maybe it'll change back. Uaughs]
It's returnable.
[Both] J happy birthday to you j
j happy birthday to you j
j happy birthday,
dear old dolio j
j happy birthday to you j
[smattering of applause]
[Clears throat]
Thirty-six hours ago I... sorry.
We were very angry at you.
But, um, I see now that it
was just a base response.
It was just fear, really.
Just fear.
And then after
the big one happened, I...
This is hard.
I'm not good at this.
After the... I...
We got very worried.
We didn't think you were dead,
but if you were dead...
I would have regretted not...
Doing enough things
to show you...
See, because, I don't know,
I just, um...
I always thought it was
insulting to treat you like a child.
It just always seemed
so insincere.
And I thought we agreed on that.
You know?
Um, butwhen, um...
After the...
The thing I just kept thinking
is I just wanna hold her face.
[Sobbing]
We've been very lucky
to have you.
[Sniffles]
Oh, god.
[Sobbing continues, sniffles]
[Clears throat]
We are very, very lucky
to have you as our daughter.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
[Robert chuckles]
[Robert] Good night,
sweet daughter.
Have sweet dreams.
Um, in the morning,
if you want, uh...
I can make pancakes.
Tomorrow's Friday. The check.
- We cashed it, but we haven't spent it.
- Don't worry about the rent.
We are the parents.
We'll handle it.
We've got a plan.
Okay.
I guess I'll s...
See you tomorrow.
- [Theresa] Yeah.
- Yep.
[Door closes]
So, if it's gone, they're monsters
and this whole night was a lie.
Okay?
But if it's there,
then this is all real.
You'll believe that?
Wait. Wait.
If it's just my third, 525...
Then that means...
"We can only ever be how we are.
But we love you, and...
We wish you well."
- It's all there.
- [Chuckles]
I'll probably take off early
tomorrow before you're up.
Thank you for everything.
Really.
No problem.
So what?
[Laughs]
[Both laugh]
[Inhales]
What?
[Scanner beeps]
Okay, so your refund
comes to 485.05.
[Pop ballad playing]
[Man] J lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j I have nobody j'
j' for my own j'
j now I'm so lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j wish I had someone j
j to call on the phone j
j now I'm a soldier j
j a lonely soldier j
j away from home j'
j through no wish of my own j
j that's why I'm lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j I wish that I could go j
j back home j
j letters j
j never a letter j
j I get no letters j
j in the mail j
j I've been forgotten j
j yes, forgotten j
j oh, how I wonder j
j how is it I failed j
j now I'm a soldier j
j a lonely soldier j
j away from home j
j through no wish of my own j
j that's why I'm lonely j
j I'm Mr. Lonely j
j I wish that I could j
j go back j
jhomej