Kiff: The Haunting of Miss McGravy's House (2024) Movie Script

1
- [Theme music playing]
- Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff!
Yeah!
- Kiff!
- [theme music concludes]
[lightning crashes]
- [Spooky music playing]
- [both scream]
[narrator] Brought to you
by King Kazoo,
the safety kazoo for me and you.
[Dramatic music playing]
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer, Halloween
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer, Halloween
The leaves are falling
It's that time of the year
The season's changing
and it's almost here
Are you ready
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer
It's time to get scary
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer
Halloween
It's nearly time for Halloween
I wanna see some decorations
That are gonna make me scream
A spooky feeling
I wish it would never end
There's no beating Trick or Treatin'
With your friends
You're gonna wanna
get your candy before
All the really good stuff
Sells out of the store
Are you ready
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer
It's time to get scary
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer
Halloween
You haven't started decorating yet
Just sit back and relax
Cause we're on it
Now you're ready
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer
It's time to get scary
It's creeping closer
It's creeping closer
Halloween
Oh, a chill in the air is here
Oh, yeah!
I love this time of the year
It's nearly time
for Halloween
I wanna see some decorations
That are gonna make me scream
A spooky feeling
I wish it would never end
There's no beating Trick or Treatin'
With your friends
It's nearly time
for Halloween
I wanna see some decorations
That are gonna make me scream
A spooky feeling
I wish it would never end
There's no beating Trick or Treatin'
With your friends
It's creeping closer,
it's creeping closer, Halloween
[song concludes]
All righty. Everyone in town
has now been prepped
for a point-perfect
Halloween on Friday.
[gasps] We're gonna be late
for school!
Ooh! Let's take the shortcut
through Miss McGravy's old yard.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- In you go!
- [all giggling]
[Kiff] Whee!
[in Dracula accent]
Welcome to Helenween!
Please take a safety kazoo.
Um...
If you get scared
in the haunted house, just blow.
[kazoo sounds]
The the silly sound
reminds you
that it's it's all
just make-believe.
A kazoo for you! And also you.
[kazoo sounds]
Mm. Comforting.
- [Spooky music playing]
- And you.
And also you.
- [spider cackles]
- Ew!
Scary!
- Whoa!
- [kazoo sounds]
I sit atop the stoop
and watch Helen and the pigeons
mingle, mingle.
[imitates pigeon]
I'm a scary woman who wished
I could marry Helen
but died before I could.
Ask me anything.
This whole thing
is Helen themed.
Helen put on the dancing shoes,
and now she can never stop.
- Wow.
- Yeah, no.
Where are you going?
Helen is speaking to you
in the third person.
What are we gonna do now?
I know of a fun hang.
Miss McGravy's house.
Good ol' reliable
Miss McGravy's house will always be
- Sold?
- Sold what?
[Lance] Sold the house!
Done deal! And I only
got my realtor's license last week!
[brakes squeal]
Taryn, Ta, look at this dump!
- What did you make us buy?
- Dump?
You have no vision, Marcus.
Whimsical tire swing?
Out of here.
We rip out the grass
and put in plastic turf.
Mm! I can smell
the plastic already.
Old rickety fence
that any grimy little kid
could crawl through?
No. Reinforced concrete?
Beautiful.
Ugh! That tree house?
It's hideous.
Oh, We'll get rid of that.
What do we want
a tree house for? [chuckles]
To hold all our wishes
and dreams? [laughs]
We can cut out
the whole tree actually.
I have a lot of outdoor
gym equipment.
Mm. No problem.
I know a guy that could
get that done in a day.
- [Marcus] I got a guy.
- [Lance] No, you gotta use my guy.
But either way,
you could do anything you want
after you pick up the keys
on the 31st.
[chuckles] Halloween.
So, this will all be gone?
Our shortcut? This tree?
That knot in the wood
that resembles Mr. RiPeppa?
So, that's it.
The famous McGravy backyard,
beloved by children
for generations,
will be walled off
and turned into an outdoor gym.
Hmm...
So many memories.
Remember when Trevor got stuck
in the tire swing?
[chuckles] And our annual
leaf pile jumping contest.
And who could forget
the incident with Kiff's ear?
- Aw. Yeah. Yeah.
- Deep cut back story stuff right there.
- It's all there.
- So memorable. Jeez.
Kiff, would you like
to do a reminisce?
[Sentimental music playing]
Kiff, would you like a push?
No, thanks.
But I sure could do with a hug.
[Spooky music playing]
- Hey, Kiff.
- Hey, Bar.
I know it's Halloween and all,
but I'm just not feeling it.
- You still thinking about McGravy's house?
- Yeah. You?
Yeah. Hang on, Trevor's calling.
I'm gonna add him.
- Go for Trev.
- What? No, Trevor, you called me.
I did? Hang on,
Candle's calling.
Trevor, are we meeting at yours
or mine to go trick or treating?
You guys are trick
or treating together?
- Ugh. Hang on.
- Uh. Hello? Did I butt-dial again?
[Rene] Reggie, this always
happens with you.
Wait, is Rene there?
You two are hanging out?
We'll unpack that another day.
I can't believe you're all carrying on
as if everything is normal.
It's all over
for McGravy's tomorrow.
The calendar transition showed
seven days have passed, Kiff.
- That's enough time to mourn and move on.
- Come on, Reggie.
Remember that time
your phone was about to die?
If it weren't
for McGravy's shortcut,
you wouldn't have made it home
in time to plug it in.
This is true.
Maybe we should return
to the old haunt, you know?
- One last time.
- Barry, that's it!
I'm getting the
sense Kiff is about to say,
"I have a plan. Now, listen up."
Trevor, I'm not
that predictable, okay?
I have an idea.
Now, hear me out. [chuckles]
[Upbeat Halloween music
playing]
[Candle] So, just to recap,
we're gonna sacrifice
our Halloween,
and instead of
trick or treating,
we're gonna turn this place
into a haunted house?
Correct, Candle.
No one wants to live in a haunted house.
- So, if we do this right
- We keep our yard.
Bada bing.
We're gonna haunt this place so good,
they'll be too scared to even come back
to this neighborhood.
Okay, everyone's dressed
in their scariest outfit.
Rene! You're
- Uh...
- An egg.
Learning a lot about you, Rene.
Now, let's do this!
Creepy sheets, I like it.
Great idea, Trev.
So, one could say you're a
fan of this idea?
Sure.
So, I just press
this controller, and
Yes, Reggie!
Hey, could you pass me
that screwdriver?
Thanks.
[Tense music playing]
Whoa. This is good stuff,
whoever's on lighting.
Whoops. Sorry.
I think I turned the power off.
That's okay.
Can you turn it back on? It's hard to see.
[gasps] Uh...
Candle?
[breeze blowing]
Hello? Uh...
Full marks, whoever that is
[Tense music playing]
[screams]
- [Tense music playing]
- [screams]
[sighs]
Rene, you scared me.
Eggs.
- [all panting]
- Kiff, we heard you scream.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
Wow, great job, everyone.
The vibe sure is creepy in here.
And just in time, too.
When that yuppie couple arrive
to collect the keys,
we will be ready.
See, this is what I'm talking about.
Reggie, you're a real artist.
I haven't done any doors.
Whoa! Who did this room?
- [Barry] I've never even seen this place.
- Okay.
Very funny, you guys.
Hey, what's this? Little name cards?
This one says "Kiff."
- "Barry."
- You guys, this is not funny.
[door creaks]
[all scream]
I'm starting to think this place
is haunted for real real!
- [screams]
- You think?
Hello?
[cries]
Huh?
Not bad.
- [Party music playing]
- [Trevor] Huh?
Where am I? Is this a party?
- [Music continues]
- [all chuckling]
[clears throat loudly]
- [TV powers on]
- [static sounds]
[Pensive music playing]
[screams]
[grunts]
What?
[gold squeaking]
Oh, my gosh! Help!
[grunts]
Come on.
[grunts] Why isn't this working?
Hello?
[scoffs] What am I, invisible?
I know I'm dressed as a ghost,
but this is ridiculous.
- [chuckles]
- What am I, invisible?
I know I'm dressed as a ghost,
but this is ridiculous.
[all laugh]
That was my joke!
Who are you,
and what do you want?
[Tense music playing]
You you're me, aren't you?
Yes, I'm Old Lady Kiff.
Oh. Okay. Where's Old Man Barry?
Wow, I haven't heard
that name in years.
[cackles maniacally]
No. Barry! Where are you?
[Barry] What?
It's so bright in here.
What is that? I don't like that.
No, just stop.
I can feel every individual hair
on my body. What is this?
Stop that.
[screams]
This isn't real.
[cackles maniacally]
This can't be real.
A kazoo for you!
[kazoo sounds]
[gasps]
- [cackles]
- [kazoo sounds]
It's working!
[breathes heavily]
[kazoo sounds]
That silly sound.
All of this isn't real.
- [gasps]
- [kazoo sounds]
- [breathes deeply]
- [kazoo sounds]
[Barry gasps]
The kazoo! The comforting kazoo!
- Where's Reggie?
- Reg, Come back to us.
- [kazoo sounds]
- [video game music playing]
[sighs] I should probably
get going.
- [Tense music playing]
- We have to get out of this house!
Everybody, this way!
Trevor, what are you doing?
- This is my mom's fan.
- There will be other fans!
- [Music continues]
- [Kiff screams]
[all screaming]
[all scream]
[Music concludes]
How are we gonna get out
of this nightmare house?
Maybe they know.
[Spooky strings playing]
[skittering]
[ghosts whisper] Interlopers.
- [ghost 1] Get out.
- [ghost 2] Get out.
[ghosts] Interlopers.
[ghost 1] Rip Tear
Rip Tear.
[all sigh]
Do you guys remember
how we dug through the fence
to get to the low-hanging tree?
- Yes!
- And do you remember
how we'd crawl over that weird,
lumpy part of the yard?
This is not the time
to do a reminisce, Kiff.
No, Bar, there's that
basement window down there.
There's no glass.
We could escape through that.
- In the basement?
- Trust me.
[grunting]
The basement door won't open.
We could take this
spooky dumbwaiter.
[dumbwaiter squeaks]
I mean, this is fine.
[kazoo sounds]
[Barry] Thank you.
[all yell]
[Candle grunts]
- It's too high!
- Candle!
Candle. I got you.
I got all of you.
[sniffs] Freedom!
Thanks, Kiff.
[grunts] Yup.
[sighs]
[Kiff] Oh, no.
Kiff? Kiff,
can you reach my hand?
[grunting]
I can't reach!
[dumbwaiter rumbling]
- Uh, hold on. I'll be back.
- No, wait! Barry!
[Spooky string music playing]
Here, grab this. Come on.
- [grunts] Kiff!
- Barry, hurry!
Barry? I haven't heard
that name in years.
- [cackles]
- [screams]
No! My safety kazoo!
[Old Kiff cackles]
[screams]
Grab on, Kiff!
[whimpers]
[screams]
- What the heck? What the heck?
- What the heck? What the heck?
- [Rene] We did it!
- [Candle] Yes, we did it!
We were never outside.
- We're never getting out!
- Are we already dead?
[all scream]
- We have you now, interlopers.
- And we're gonna tear and rip.
Rip and tear! Tear and rip!
Rip and tear! Tear and rip!
- Kiff!
- [ghosts] Rip and tear!
Tear and rip!
Please don't rip us up!
This was all my idea!
We just didn't want
those new people
moving in and ruining the place!
Wait, you're not
the new people moving in?
No! No, we're the yard people.
We run through the yard
all the time
- because Miss McGravy said we could.
- [sighs]
Oh, my gosh.
This is a huge misunderstanding.
We thought you were
the new people moving in.
We were trying
to scare them away
by doing a Halloween
haunted house.
That's exactly
what we were doing!
[chuckles] No, no,
we loved Miss McGravy. Great tenant.
But she moved
to Ottoman Flats last month.
But no, yeah, no
This is our house!
But then Wait.
So, those people coming
to pick up the keys
don't really own this place?
Like, legally?
No! That's why we were all like,
"rip and tear"
and "tear and rip," you know?
- To tear up their deed to the house.
- It's an invalid document.
[all sigh]
- Chips?
- [Marcus] Hello? Lance Contract?
We've come to pick up the keys!
He's pulling up.
Ew!
Hey, what are these
little kids doing here?
Get out of my house!
[rumbling, loud roar]
[kazoo sounds]
[all cheer]
Yeah!
Hang on now.
What's going on here?
Well, Lance Contract,
I'll explain everything as I escort you
to your vehicles.
I'll tell you what.
That was a high-quality
haunted house right there.
A point-perfect Halloween.
Almost. We never got to T-or-for Halloween candy.
Yeah, that's disappointing.
- Don't worry about that.
- We know of a fun hang.
[Party music playing]
- We're magic. Let's party!
- We're magic. Let's party!
- Can we come?
- Everyone left Helenween early.
Hello.
Everyone in town
is magically invited.
[all] Yeah!
- [ghost 2] Bring the noise, everybody!
- Yeah!
[End credit music playing]
[Music concludes]
Chirp.