Killer Campout (2022) Movie Script

So wait, so you're telling me
this guy dresses like a girl
but calls himself Boy George?
That's right.
Why the hell would
anybody do that?
I don't know.
It's a rebellion thing.
Rebellion, my ass.
Sounds like a bunch of queer
bait shit if you ask me.
No, all the singers
are doing it now,
David Bowie, Motley
Crue, Alice Cooper.
Alice Cooper?
You're tellin' me
Alice Cooper is a guy?
Yeah.
Shit, I liked her.
Sheriff Parks, I just
wanted to give you a heads up,
that we've got a couple
missing persons reports in.
Jesus Christ, that
makes five this month.
What the hell's
goin' on out here?
Did you want to bring a
few more units out here?
Nah, we already got three of us.
If we bring anybody else out,
we ain't gonna have anybody
left to patrol town.
Copy that.
It's probably
just Mrs. Wilkerson
and her goddamn cats again.
Go ahead, punk.
Make my day.
What? Are you talkin' to me?
Well, I think you're
talkin' to me.
How about you, bluebird?
You talkin' to me?
Are you sure you don't
want anymore men out here?
'Cause the more men
we got out here,
the faster it'd be to
find these assholes
'cause this forest
is pretty dense.
It's easy for people
get lost out here.
There ain't nobody
gettin' lost in these woods.
Samson Del Marr.
I don't recall
requesting your services.
That's the problem
with this town, Sheriff.
Nobody wants to admit when
the answer's right in
front of their eyes.
Yeah, and what
answer's that, Rambo?
Someone or something
has been killing people
in these woods.
It's been happening for years,
and I'm just the guy to stop it.
Goddammit, Samson, look,
if all these people
been gettin' killed,
how come we ain't never
found a single drop of blood,
not one dead body,
not a fuckin' shred of evidence.
I can't answer that,
but I will.
And believe me, when I do,
you'll be the first
to know about it.
Look, we got professionals
comin' down here on the job.
Last thing we need
is some mutton-chop,
hot shit vigilante
- I'm no vigilante.
- Coming down and...
I just wanna make sure
that justice is served.
Regardless, we do not need
you down here causing chaos
while we're trying to work.
No law that says I can't
go into the woods, right?
That is until you realize
what's really going on here,
and you have to blockade
that whole area off
for the safety of the public.
You know what?
You're right.
There's no law sayin' you
can't go into the woods,
but I might just
need to see a permit
for that weapon you're carrying.
You know, your rules are
really starting to annoy me.
You have a real
nice day, Sheriff.
Well he seems a bit intense.
I swear to God, if
he goes to the press,
he's gonna cost us every
last bit of tourism
we still got in this town.
I swear to God, if he
fucks this up for us,
I will have no problems
sending him to jail.
I wouldn't worry about that.
Samson couldn't find his ass
if there was a bell
attached to it.
Let's go.
It is an absolutely
gorgeous day.
It is.
Of course, it's not as
gorgeous as you, foxy.
Stop, you.
What? C'mon, I'm basically
a modern day Casanova.
I'm Tom Selleck from Magnum P.I.
Totally.
Hey, wait a second, Linda.
Look over there.
Oh, my gosh, is that
what I think it is?
It sure is.
That's amazing.
I'm sorry, Jeff, we
should probably head back.
My mom doesn't have anyone
to take care of her,
and I don't wanna miss the
Morton Downey Jr. Show.
Yeah, we will, I promise.
But, ah, well, there's somethin'
I gotta talk to you about first.
Okay, what is it?
Well, you know
how we've been together
for almost a year now, right?
Yeah.
And, ah, well, I guess
what I'm trying to say is
Linda, I can't imagine
my life without you.
You are everything I've
ever wanted in someone.
You are the first
person I think about
when I wake up in the morning,
and the last person I think
about when I go to bed at night.
Oh, Jeff.
I guess, ah,
I guess what I want
you to know is that...
Linda, I could die a happy man
if you would just take
me as your husband.
Oh.
Will you marry me?
Oh, Jeff, of course
I'll marry you.
You realize my mom will
have to move in with us.
She can't be alone
after her stroke.
Oh, I'm well aware.
And trust me, we'll
be perfectly fine.
With me startin' my own
business and buying that arcade,
we'll be making more
than enough money
to take care of the three of us.
You know, video games are
getting insanely popular.
It'll be in our family forever.
Plus, one day, when
we're ready to have kids,
they'll be able to
take over the business
when I'm ready to retire.
It can't lose, Linda.
It's a sound investment.
Oh, thank god for
President Reagan,
so we live in a country
where a small businessman
can make a future
for his family.
Oh, Jeff, you make me so happy.
Oh, this is the
best day of my life.
Nothing could ever ruin it.
No!
Hey, wait, do you
think Samson might be
onto somethin' with this
whole killer in the woods rap?
Look, Samson has seen one
too many shitty horror movies.
Ain't nothin' in these woods
but a couple of dumb asses
can't find their way home.
Yeah, but that's still
a lot of bodies, though.
Oh, don't tell me
he got to you too?
Alright, look, where's
all the bodies at?
I know, I know, you're right.
- You're right.
- You're goddamn right,
I'm goddamn right.
We'll find them.
Greg, where are we going?
Angelica's cabin should
be around here somewhere.
I know that,
but where are we going?
You seem totally lost.
These are the
directions she gave me.
I don't think
you're following them very well.
I'm following them fine.
We're gonna find the cabin,
you just need to be patient.
So, how are you
going to explain me?
Explain you?
To who?
- Angie?
- Yeah.
What's there to explain?
You're supposed to be
going on this trip,
you're just getting a
little bit late with me.
That's the thing.
Don't you think
Angelica will suspect?
Suspect what,
that we're banging?
Duh.
Trust me, I know Angie.
I know some stuff
about her, too.
It'll be fine.
Besides, um, maybe later
when we find the cabin,
the three of us can have
a little fun together.
You're disgusting.
Yeah, I know.
So, um, Laura, do you, ah,
do you like horror movies?
Yeah, I like the
really gory stuff.
Really? Me too.
Have you seen The
Hatchet Murders?
Yeah, yeah, that was
directed by Dario Argento,
and he did, um, Demons, too.
Didn't he do, um, Suspiria?
Yeah, yeah,
that's the one where the girl
gets her head caved in
- by all that glass?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, that is so awesome.
Yes.
Yo, I think that horror
movies are for retards.
I mean, they're so
boring, they're so fake.
I can't believe people
actually watch that shit.
Well, I'm glad
you have an opinion,
but I'd appreciate it if
you kept it to yourself.
Yeah, whatever.
Hey, man, can I get a cigarette?
Dude, no, I only have a few
to get me through the weekend.
I can't give any out.
So if you're gonna
pitch a fit about it,
just do it somewhere else.
Just give me the answer
Make your mind
And I'm losing focus
'Cause my heart is in place
That guy's really
startin' to piss me off.
He makes me feel uncomfortable.
Well, don't worry.
He's not gonna hurt
you while I'm around.
Just love me or leave me
Fucking longhaired faggot.
- Somethin' wrong?
- I need a cigarette.
Maybe you should have
brought some with you.
Maybe you need to
shut the fuck up.
Look, I didn't have
the money for it.
Oh, so sorry for your loss.
Hey, ah, Katrina, what
are you doing tonight?
Wanna come to my tent?
Chad, leave me alone, please.
Oh, what, I'm not
good enough for you?
Chad, please go away.
Okay, what if I
don't feel like it?
You're a fucking creep.
Bitch, shut the fuck up.
Was I talking to you?
Why don't you go away?
You're creepin' everybody out.
You want me to give
you my attention?
Isn't that how you got so
fucked up in the first place?
Getting into other
people's business?
You wanna see what
this gets you?
Alright, alright, alright.
Girls, can you go
let everybody know
that dinner is just about ready?
Chad, I'm not gonna
keep doing this.
We're here to solve problems,
not create more of them.
You've gotta stop
terrorizing the girls.
Besides, big strong
men like you,
you don't have to be fooling
around with those girls.
What the hell?
This is the cabin?
Yeah, it's not exactly
what I was expecting.
It's a shit hole.
There's nobody here.
We couldn't have been early.
I don't know.
Maybe we should look around,
see if anybody's home.
Try and find out
where the hell we are.
Look around?
No way.
I want to go back now.
This place is giving
me the creeps.
Fine, stay here.
I'll go look around.
I don't know where the hell
you think you're
goin', young lady,
but you don't wanna be here.
Who, who are you?
My name's Bob,
but that don't matter none.
He don't mind me
as long as I don't mind him.
But he'll mind the two of you.
You're both doomed.
Look, mister,
calm down, alright?
Just lost in these woods,
we're looking for someone.
You ain't gonna find
nobody out here but him.
And trust me, you
don't wanna meet him.
Okay, we're leaving.
This guy's
a fuckin' fruitcake.
You're both doomed, I tell you.
Doomed.
Get on out.
Don't let me catch ya
again now, ya hear?
Get out while you still can.
While there's still time.
He's in the shadows.
He's gonna be real mad that
I sent you on your way.
Get out.
Where is Todd?
I don't know, he said
he's not feeling well,
so he's probably in
his tent sleeping.
Are you sure you
don't wanna any, Laura?
That's okay, I'll
get some in a bit.
Okay.
What kind of meat is this?
Some kind of pulled pork?
Mm, you can pull my pork, baby.
Shut up, asshole.
No, this is secret
family recipe.
You won't find anything
like this in a restaurant.
I bet, this is delicious.
Well, I'm glad
you're enjoying it.
Now after we finish,
I want us all
to do a little group
therapy session.
Group therapy?
You know, we'll just sit around,
talk about our problems
and what they are.
Help to get through them.
What if, what if somebody
doesn't wanna talk?
Oh, it'll be alright.
Now, everybody eat up.
It's better to talk
on a full stomach.
So what did Sheriff Parks say?
The usual.
Police are gonna be no help.
Did you expect it
to go any other way?
Well then I guess it's just us.
It's up to me, Candy.
This is my war.
You trained me, I'm with you.
This is my war.
Christ, Candy,
this isn't gonna be
some all American ass party.
The shit's about to
get super real here.
You know I am one mean bitch
that nobody is gonna
wanna fuck with.
Well, of that I'm certain.
Alright, gear up.
It's hunting season.
Alright, kids.
Like I said before,
what I want us to do now
is start a group
therapy session.
If nothing more than for me
to get to know you folks.
I know it'll be hard
for you to talk about
what you experienced,
but I promise you all
that you'll come out
as happier people for it.
Now I want you to show
your fellow campers
the respect of listening
to what they have to
say about themselves
and not judging them.
There's no room for
judgment in this circle.
Why did I make them leave?
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I didn't do anything.
I leave you alone.
I don't talk to anybody.
I keep to myself.
Please, I've been good to you.
Let me live.
Please, let me live.
I think we're lost.
I followed the
directions she gave me.
They should have led
us right to the cabin.
I just, I just wanna go back.
I didn't even wanna come
on this trip anyway.
Fine, we'll go back.
Hopefully we can find the car.
Ah, maybe we can find a pay
phone, we can call her, I guess.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
It's just that guy.
He really freaked me out.
Yeah, I would have
been a little shaken up
after running into Jethro
from Deliverance, too.
You know what would
really help me calm down?
I'm beginning to get the idea.
Hi, my name is Todd.
Hi, Todd.
Ah, I guess my
problem is that, ah,
people say I act
out and annoy them.
Ain't that the fucking truth.
Well, I mean, I don't
mean to bother anybody.
I just, you know.
I mean, I just talk with people,
and I feel like this is the
only way I can express myself.
I come from a poor
family and, ah,
I mean, I don't really know
most of my family
unit really, you know?
And my parents are
away a lot of the time.
So, I just felt like this
is the way I could cope.
So I mean, I'm sorry if I'm,
if I'm bothering anybody.
I don't mean to and I
don't wanna fight anyone.
I just wanna share a laugh.
And help people.
If that's too much to ask,
then I don't know what to say.
I, I, don't know
how I could change.
- Well, that was fun.
- Yeah.
You know, I think you're right,
we should get outta here.
We're dead lost, we're not
gonna find that other cabin.
Maybe Angelica knows about us.
Maybe she gave you directions
to that crazy guy's house,
so he would kill us and put
us in his chili or something.
That's crazy.
I just didn't get
all the directions.
That's probably what it is,
but we should get
out of here soon
because it's gonna get dark.
Probably some pretty nasty
wildlife around here at night.
Lions, tigers, and bears.
Oh, my.
I love you.
Ah, I love your body.
I gotta take a piss.
Damn, what's taking him so long?
Greg, is that you?
Greg?
Greg?
Where are you at?
This really is not cool.
I heard a noise, was it you?
Christy, we haven't
heard from you yet.
I'm a lesbian and I like sex.
I don't know why, I just do.
I just the love the feeling
of having another
girl in my arms.
And mine for the taking.
Ah, I just can't have one.
I need like 50.
But that doesn't
really do it anymore.
Um, I tried coke.
But that didn't help.
That didn't fix it at all.
In fact, it made it worse.
And instead of needing 50,
I needed a hundred girls.
Even then, that wasn't
good for me either.
I just really want
somebody that I can love.
Really fall in love with.
Care for.
I just can't help myself.
I gotta go for the gold
right away or I can't focus.
Then I don't want anymore
after that and I feel bad.
And why I really feel bad is
that no one can ever satisfy me.
Then I do a line.
And I'm not satisfied
by that either.
You know, I try to go
and hang around parties
and meet people but the same
thing, it happens every time.
I end up with some
new girl in my bed.
We have our fun and part ways.
I can't even remember
how good she was.
I can't let my body feel it.
I feel like a
prisoner under myself.
I feel like a,
I feel like a mess.
And I don't know
how I can fix it.
Or even how it started.
Christy, you don't
have to say anymore.
I think we get it
and that's a lot
to go through at your age.
We're about 45 minutes
from the south bend.
We should be able to
make it out about noon.
Okay, lead the way.
Megan, you wanna go next?
Hey, my name is Megan.
Basically, my situation
started when I was about 15.
I don't know why,
but I just started feeling
so alone in the world.
I tried talking to people,
but I could never think
of anything to say.
Nothing they ever said to me
had any sort of meaning to it.
I didn't know what
to make of it,
but everyday I just felt
more and more empty inside.
Devoid of feeling.
I went to doctors,
but nothing they said
made any sense, either.
I don't know what they
got their degrees in,
but it wasn't anything that
could help me with my problems.
They put me on codeine drugs,
that was their big solution,
but that just made
me more depressed.
And then one day
I saw a straight razor
left out in the bathroom.
And I looked at my wrist,
and I wondered
what would happen if I used
that straight razor on my wrist?
How it would feel?
So I cut myself.
Something about
was so satisfying.
I felt a rush, maybe
it was the blood loss.
So I did it again.
And again.
And again.
Until one night, I nearly died.
My arms looked like I put them
through a wood chipper.
So, I just try to live
everyday and try to be better.
Don't know how I'm doing
at it but I'm trying.
Still feel empty inside.
Anyway, that's all there
is to say about me, really.
Thanks for your bravery, Megan.
Well, gang, I wanna congratulate
each and every one of you
for being really brave today.
You've told us who your were,
what makes you yourself,
and what your problems are.
You've taken a really
big step by doing this.
Bigger than you realize.
Tomorrow, I've got some
more activities planned
to help us continue getting
to know each other better.
And I promise you'll all
be happier and free for it.
Well, I think we can just
about call it for tonight.
We can start back
up in the morning.
Yeah, we've been out here
for hours, found nothing.
No, we never do.
Tomorrow we'll start up on
the other side of the creek.
I can't wait.
Hey, I told you to
stay back at the office.
You were the one dick
swinging to come out here.
Yep, throw it my
face, you old bastard.
So, Laura, notice the way
you've been lookin' at John.
Yeah, you gonna hop
on his rodney later?
Maybe she's gonna
give a little kiss.
Laura, Laura, what's wrong?
Those girls are so mean.
I didn't want to
go on this trip.
I just want to go home.
Just wanna go home.
Cheer up.
Look, I know the
trip sucks now, but
it'll get better.
I promise.
Okay, okay, okay,
that was the funniest thing
I've ever seen.
Oh, what's wrong, Laura?
Can't you take a joke?
Look, girls, you're
seriously not helping.
Can you just let us talk
for a little while, please?
Oh, why do you care?
Just go now, please.
Oh, God, okay, please stop.
Look, you're with
her all the time.
You're probably
creeping her out.
What do you think,
she's your girlfriend?
I mean, how 'bout you
grow a pair and
stop acting like...
Shut the fuck up.
No, fuck you, John.
You're a goddamn creep,
that's what you are.
And you're two busy-bodied cunts
who can't stay the hell out
of other people's business.
It seems to be a running
theme with the two of you.
You run your mouths
and you never shut up.
And you know
something, most people
could change over time,
especially on a trip like this,
but you two, I don't
think you'll ever change
until somebody rips the fucking
tongues out of your mouths.
We're burning daylight.
What do you think?
We're not gonna be able to see
two feet in front of
our faces pretty soon.
Might as well just
set up camp here.
Start back up in the morning.
You got it.
So, ah, Sammy, do
you wanna get it on?
We're on a mission, woman.
You need to keep your focus.
Yeah, whatever, your
focus should be on me.
I got needs to, you know.
Be that as it may,
we have a job to do.
And so do you.
Great.
You sound just like your mother.
Don't you talk about
my mother like that.
Oh, yeah, she's a saint.
Don't you talk about
my mother like that.
Dude, let me get a cigarette.
Dude, what the fuck, man?
I told you no.
I only have a few packs to get
me through the whole weekend.
Can't give any out.
Now can you leave us alone.
We're trying to have
a conversation here.
Longhaired faggot.
Fuck.
Where are you going?
Hey, listen buddy.
You and your shitty attitude
are really starting
to shake my dick.
Leave me and Laura alone.
Or what?
Chad, I'm gonna ask
you one time nicely.
Leave us alone, please.
I don't care if we're
on this trip together,
we're not friends and we're
never going to be friends.
Yeah, I'm glad.
You're a fucking moron.
Fucking moron, you're a
goddamn mooch, you know that?
Trying to bum my cigarettes
every five fucking minutes.
You know what you are?
You're a big baby.
You're a coward.
You pitch a temper tantrum
every time something
doesn't go your way
and I'm sick of it.
And so is everybody else.
Go in your tent and stay there.
Mr.,
Mr. Big Bad Whore Guy.
Mr. Metalhead.
Mr. Longhaired Faggot.
What are you gonna
do with her, huh?
You gonna fuck her?
You're gonna fuck her.
Or what, are you scared?
Scared she's gonna laugh
at your little dick?
You know, I'll tell you what.
How about you let
me get in there
and get in that pussy?
I'll make that bitch...
Feeding the need
Pay the price
Ultimate sacrifice
Prowling sinner
Bitch.
When you hear the howl
Prowling sinner
Where are you going?
John?
Ah.
Oh, hey, Laura.
What's wrong?
I just...
You know, I don't like violence.
I hate it.
I'm not a violent person.
My whole life,
people always told me
I would grow up to
be a serial killer
because I listen to heavy metal,
and I watch horror movies,
and I wrote horror stories,
and I would draw pictures of
the characters getting killed.
And they never believed
me when I said I was fine.
When I said I didn't wanna
actually hurt anybody,
they just put me on medicine,
and shoved me in
front of doctors,
and shut me out.
And even now, I
still don't like violence.
But this guy, he,
he's been fucking with
me this whole time.
He hasn't stopped running
his mouth since we got here.
And I tried to get him to back
off, I mean, I really tried,
but then he said those
things about you and
I just lost control.
You shouldn't blame yourself.
I'm not mad at you.
Maybe not, but I'm mad.
I let myself go in front of you
and I didn't wanna do that.
You've had people exploding in
front of you your whole life.
Now you, now you
probably just think
I'm this crazy, psycho, asshole.
But I don't.
Well even if you don't,
when he said those things
about you, I just...
Look, I, I know we haven't
known each other all that long,
but I really do care about you.
I'm never gonna let
anyone hurt you.
Or talk down to
you or do anything
like what that
asshole was saying.
I can take abuse, I don't care,
but I'm not let him
dish it to you too.
Thanks.
You don't have to thank me.
I do it because I care.
Well, thanks anyway.
It's getting pretty late.
We should at least
try to get some sleep.
Yeah.
So are you bunking
with me tonight?
What do you want?
You gonna drop me
off in town now?
No.
You were brave to
do what you did.
What is this about?
You know, it gets
kind of lonely in here.
In this cabin, all by myself.
Nobody to keep me company.
Why don't you come in with me?
Since you're such
a big, strong man.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Shh, we don't wanna wake
the others now, do we?
I feel you.
Bro?
What the fuck, man?
Payback.
Wow.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, it really
is something, right?
Did I get catch at a
special moment there, Todd?
Hey, shut up.
Hey, how much you wanna bet
she's shoving a dildo
up his ass?
Ah, shit.
Alright, buddy, I'm
gonna get some sleep.
You have yourself a good night.
And try not to stain
your underwear.
Ah, yeah, yeah, man, goodnight.
Good?
Fuck yeah.
Good.
Now you gotta go to bed.
We have a busy day tomorrow.
Whoa, what about tomorrow?
Well, we'll see, lover.
It's getting late.
You need to go back
and get some sleep.
Sleep well last night?
Yeah, I guess so.
Ah.
So, you see anything you like?
I thought you
weren't into girls?
I, ah, I,
ah, I don't,
I don't usually.
So what's different now?
What do you mean?
Come on, Katrina.
I know you were staring
at me last night.
Well, you, you were...
Naked?
Well, yeah, and...
I like to sleep naked.
There something wrong with that?
No.
How about you and I go
and do something special?
I, I never have.
Not with...
A girl?
No, never.
There's a first time
for everything, sweetie.
Yeah, I guess so.
You didn't like how your
man treated you, right?
When he put his hands on you?
The things he let his
buddies do to you?
Did you?
No.
You want something a
little bit more gentler.
Special, right?
Yeah, I guess so.
I've a lot of really bad
experiences with guys, too.
But girls are different.
A bit more special.
Really?
Yeah, really, baby.
Now let's go somewhere.
Okay.
Oh, what the fuck?
Are you on your fucking period?
Oh, my God.
It's come to my attention
that you guys let a couple
of your fellow campers
go missing this morning.
They weren't here
when we woke up.
I couldn't find them anywhere.
Well, that's all well and
good but they haven't returned.
Well, that much is obvious.
I reckon those two are
out huntin' for wild beaver.
Well, I think it's pretty stupid
that they wander off like that.
They could get hurt.
Look, I don't mind if
you guys roam around,
but I need you to stay
in the cabin area.
We need to stay together.
I don't need another one
of you going missing.
Hey, where are you going?
I'm going to look for
Katrina and Christy.
It's worrying me that
they're not back yet.
Shouldn't Angelica be
looking out for them?
This is her trip.
Yeah, I know, but she has
everyone else to look after.
I'm not gonna be that long,
and I wanna look for
some signs of them.
Want me to come with you?
I don't know.
It might get pretty dangerous.
That's fine, I
wanna come with you.
Alright, if you can keep up.
Okay.
I'm pickin' up nothin' here.
It doesn't make any sense.
We'll find him.
It's just gonna
take a little time.
Candy?
Candy?
No!
Okay, this time it's personal.
So, ah, you havin' fun out here?
What do you want, Todd?
I don't know, just, nothin'.
Just wanted to talk.
Look, I don't wanna
talk to you right now.
Okay, um, what about your book?
What are you reading?
Look, I know you're
trying to hit on me.
I'm not interested.
I just want to read my book.
I don't care if you hang around,
just leave me alone, please.
Fine, Jesus.
Lying son of a bitch.
Saying he doesn't have
anymore fucking smokes.
This fag's got another pack.
Mine now, asshole.
Where you goin'?
Steppin' out for a smoke.
Shouldn't take things
that don't belong to you,
you bad boy.
I'll be right back.
Hey, where are you goin'?
Hey, where'd you
get that smoke at?
Fuck off.
Asshole.
Man, that's good.
Who the fuck is out there?
John, I swear if it's you,
I'm gonna put your
dick in the dirt.
I'm not the guy you need
to be fuckin' with, okay?
Oh, wait, wait.
So Megan, you never told
me what you're reading.
A book.
Oh, really, let me
take a look at it.
Hmm, that's interesting.
Hey, give that back.
Oh, you want it, come get it.
Hey, ah, I'll give
you your book back
if you let me take
swim with you.
What? No.
- No, okay, okay.
- Give my back back now.
Gotta take a swim,
gotta take a swim.
Alright, Todd.
So, if we take a swim,
we won't be wearing
clothes, right?
We'll get them all wet.
Hey!
You shouldn't
have done that, Megan.
I can't swim.
And there's alligators in here.
I'm serious.
Alligators are here
and they eat people.
Hmm.
Todd?
Todd?
I'm the Creature
from the Black Lagoon.
Ah, get your hands off me.
You're such a pervert.
Oh, come one, it's a joke.
It's just a joke.
Look, you're such a creep.
I don't even wanna
see you right now.
Okay, Megan, Megan, I'm
sorry, okay, I'm sorry.
Douchebag.
Leave me alone.
I don't like this, John.
I don't like it either,
but we have to keep searching.
We have to find
some trace of them.
Hey, John, come over here.
What do you think that is?
Do you think they're hurt?
I don't know,
but we need to get back to camp,
and bring in the authorities.
Something really
bad happened here.
If they had just been hurt,
they'd still be
around here somewhere
- and...
- And?
And there wouldn't
be this much blood.
I want to leave.
I don't feel safe.
I want to leave now.
Alright, let's hurry back.
Okay, fine, be that way, Jesus.
I don't need you.
Todd, Todd, behind you.
Oh, very funny,
but there's somethin'
behind me, right?
Behind you.
Oh, very original.
Let's see.
What's wrong?
It's Todd, he's dead.
He's dead.
What?
There was this guy with this ax.
And he's dead.
What do you mean he's dead?
How could he be dead?
There was nobody else out here.
No, that's the thing.
He got him.
And now he's gonna get us.
Nobody's gonna get you.
I won't let him.
I won't let him kil me.
I won't let him.
Megan, what are you doing?
What the hell?
Give me that knife, Megan.
Megan?
Megan?
Megan, what are you doing?
Stand back or I'll do it.
Megan, baby.
Give me the knife.
Come on, it's gonna be okay.
Shh.
Shh.
Where are you, you motherfucker?
I'll bring you to hell.
Candy?
Candy?
Candy?
Answer me, honey,
it's your daddy.
Candy?
Burt, are you sure your
daughter came in here?
I saw her with that bounty
hunter, that Samson Del Marr.
She got the hots for him.
She follows him everywhere.
She thinks now she can be a
bounty hunter just like him.
I'm really scared
because I think
he's gonna get her
in big trouble.
We gotta find her.
Well, she is in
here, we will find her.
I hope you're right.
Let's get goin' 'cause
she's in trouble.
I know it.
Candy?
Hey, Angelica?
Jesus, what the hell
happened to you?
Oh, I was just making dinner.
Whatever.
Look, we searched everywhere.
We can't find
Christy and Katrina,
but I think something
bad happened.
We need to get everybody
together and leave now.
Well, what's the mater?
I just told you.
We can't find
Christy and Katrina.
Where is everyone at?
They're out there somewhere.
Out there somewhere?
Weren't they supposed to
stay close to the cabin?
They're gonna do
what they're gonna do.
I can't control them.
What if one of
them goes missing?
I mean, don't you have
your career on the line
for that or something?
You're the one that
organized this trip.
- No.
- What?
Now is seriously not the
time for sarcasm, Angelica.
I'm not being sarcastic.
I'm not a psychiatrist.
I'd stay right
there if I were you.
Laura!
One more step and I
slice this bitch's throat
here and now.
Okay, alright, just,
just don't hurt her.
Don't worry, it'll
all be over soon.
Daddy's gone a huntin'.
Daddy?
Yes, my father.
Who the hell are you?
Mm, I'm someone you
should have never trusted.
Yeah, no shit.
But who are you, why are
you doing this to us?
What do you care?
You and the little
bitch will probably
be dead real soon, anyway.
God, just fucking tell me.
I'm doing this because
Daddy and I need to eat.
What are you gonna
sell our bodies
on the black market
or something?
Don't you make enough
money being a counselor
and doing trips like this?
No, Greg was a counselor.
Greg is a psychiatrist.
I'm not a doctor.
I just go out into the city
and lure in
unsuspecting victims.
They never suspect.
You were gonna kill him?
No, I gave him the directions
to some cabin in the woods.
Big ole redneck lives there.
Afraid of his own shadow.
Greg's in pieces by now.
Jesus, I can't believe this.
And now with all of you here,
Daddy and I will
have enough food
to last through the winter.
You eat people?
Do you wanna know what
happened to my mother?
We ate her.
Daddy and me.
How do you plan on getting
away with all of this?
Don't you realize?
I've taken you all 10 miles
away from civilization.
Even if you manage to
escape and tell the police,
there's so many stories
about the monster
that they wouldn't
believe you anyway.
Besides, there will
be no bodies left.
You fucking monster.
How could you actually
kill people and eat them?
You tell me.
What?
What do you think you
were eating last night?
My own secret family recipe.
Just like I said.
John, no!
Get back here, bitch.
You die now, you whore.
I'm gonna get you, you
stupid little twat.
It's time, bitch.
I told you I was gonna get ya.
Bravo.
Bra-fucking-o.
Please, help me.
- Help me.
- I told you to shut up.
Please allow me
to introduce myself.
My name is Samson Del Marr,
and I'm your worst
fucking nightmare.
You see, I was coming
out here to hunt you down
because I'm the only
motherfucker out there
that believes you exist.
I couldn't get any
help from the cops,
press wouldn't listen to me,
so I figured what the hell?
I'd come out and
track you down myself.
But you made one fatal
fucking mistake, my friend.
You killed my partner.
And she was a really
hot piece of ass.
So now you twisted fucking
ghoul, I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna tear you
in fucking half.
There ain't nothing
gonna be left of you
but a greasy fucking smear.
And I'm gonna enjoy ever last
fucking second of it, too.
Come on, motherfucker.
Let's do this.
Freeze.
Please, help me.
- Help, oh, help me.
- Shut up, bitch.
You're both under arrest.
Now, Lewis, why in the
hell would I do that?
Sheriff Parks, come in.
Sheriff Parks, come in.
Deputy Lewis, this is
Officer Wilson from City.
The guy you got
guarding the road.
I'm hearing shots fired, is
everything okay out there?
Hello?
Man, something ain't right.
He's my brother.
That's right, and how do you
kill your own flesh and blood?
I know ole Gene over there
is a goddamn mongoloid,
but that don't mean
you love him any less.
Hell, we knew he was a
mess when he was a boy,
but no one really paid much mind
until the neighbors
started disappearin'.
And then I knew I had to do
somethin' to protect him.
Now I knew about
these woods here
and knowing they'd
ever find him,
so I bring him
food and supplies,
and things went pretty well
until about 20 years ago
when I found out his
fucking urges had returned
and this little idiot
had birthed a baby.
I should have put a bullet
in both of their heads
right then and there but nope.
I'm a softie for family.
The deal was I kept you alive
and you stopped killing
my fucking towns folk.
You remember that, Gene, huh?
You fucking remember that, Gene?
Do you remember our
fucking deal, Gene?
Do you fucking remember?
I promised to keep you
and that bitch alive,
and you promised no more killing
as long as I let you
and fucking Angie live,
and you quit killing
my fucking towns folk.
Daddy, no!
Eat this, you son of a bitch.
Fucking bitch.
We were all in this.
John.
I'm glad you're alright.
- Let's go.
- Let's get outta here.
Is something wrong, Laura?
- John?
- Laura, hang on.
- John?
- Hang on.
Still hungry, you sick fuck?
You're not coming
back from that one.
Wilson?
Hello?
Are you sleepin'
on the job again?
Goddammit, boy, I
thought you said
you were on road detail?
Will you quit fucking around
and answer me, goddammit?
He ain't sleepin', man.
Something seriously wrong.
I'm scared as hell.
You're right.
Jumpin' Jesus
on a pogo stick.
God, his eyes.
His eyes.
We have to find Candy now.
We have to.
We need to get to my car,
- radio for backup now.
- Well, hurry.
Hurry, please.
Oh, my.
Where'd you get that shotgun?
I found it in the
cabin when I woke up.
Thank God.
Wait a second.
Did you hear something?
Baby, eat.
Baby, hungry.
Baby, eat.
Laura?
Laura?
John?
Baby, wants food.
- No, please.
- Gonna eat.
- Please.
- Laura?
Laura.
I'm sick of your fucking family.
John.
Let's go.
It's over.
Candy?
I'm hearing some strange
sounds from over there, man.
Keep it down.
It sounds like
they're bumping uglies.
- Quiet.
- I can't really...
Ooh, ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah.
Don't ya cool down on
me, darlin'.
Who the hell are you,
and what the fuck are
you doing out here?
Thank God that's not Candy.
I'll do the talking here.
I asked you a question, asshole.
You stay warm there, honey.
The name's Cletus.
How many people have
you killed out here,
you sick son of a bitch?
I ain't killed nobody.
Don't play stupid, how many?
I done told you.
I ain't killed nobody.
I just clean up all
of their messes.
Well if you didn't do this,
then who the fuck
is responsible?
Gene, he killed 'em all.
I just cleanup the messes.
As a reward, I get to have
my way with the pretty ones.
I do like the pretty ones.
They're nice and
soft like bread.
Sure do smell good.
Like warm apple pie.
I'm taking you into the
station, motherfucker.
Shit.
Goddamn
showing off, son of a bitch.
Peek-a-boo, bitch.
It ain't a boar, but it'll do.
Cannibal hunter
armed with an ax
Hunting for sport
Hunting for food
Armed to the teeth,
death comes swift
Trespassers are his lunch
Stabbing, hacking,
filleting, blood spraying
Ax to the crotch,
knife to the throat
His blood lust is endless
His tools are the same
You have no chance
surviving his game
From the scrapyard
to the graveyard
Reduce, reuse,
remove your limbs
From the scrapyard
to the graveyard
Camping can be deadly
Deep in mother nature,
macabre acts unfold
Silence the swine,
stories go untold
These are his woods,
you are his prey
Hiding, waiting, the
blood's gonna spray
Methods normally for
the beasts of the wild
Hunting for sport,
hunting for pleasure
There are his woods,
you are his prey
You're on a killer
camp out today
From the scrapyard
to the graveyard
Reduce, reuse,
remove your limbs
From the scrapyard
to the graveyard
Camping can be deadly
Blackwell is his name
And hunting is his game
Picked the wrong
time for relaxation