Krazy House (2024) Movie Script
1
[unsettling, opening music
playing]
[film rewinding]
[film rewinds]
[unsettling music
builds up, stops]
[rapid gunfire]
[body thuds]
[baby crying]
[TV static]
["Krazy House"
theme music playing]
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up with
Living the life
It's a Krazy House
Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[narrator] [VO]
Krazy House is taped
in front of
a live studio audience.
[door opens]
[audience cheering]
-Group hug, guys.
Come on.
-[door closes]
-[audience laughs]
[Bernie] Come on, guys.
Anyone?
Oh Angel, come on.
Come on.
Oh, who's a good girl?
Hey. You're a good girl. Whooh!
Oh, you want to
pray to Jesus?
Oh.
Come on. Get in your bed,
young lady.
Here we go.
A one, a two,
a you know what to do.
"Come thou long
Expected Jesus"
[Eva] Bernie.
[Bernie] We gotta
get this fixed.
We gotta get this fixed.
-Bernie?
-Yeah.
-Honey, please.
The game starts in 20 minutes,
and I've still got
a lot of work to do.
[Bernie] On a Sunday?
That's the day
we celebrate the Lord.
-Ooh.
-Just one song.
-Honey, you know
I've got to close that big
business deal tomorrow and
the Dutch are eight hours ahead.
-[grunts, grumbles]
-[audience laughs]
-Sorry.
-Sarah, how about you?
-[Sarah blows gum]
Yeah, I'm not doing it
if Mom isn't.
-Adam?
You love to sing
with your dad, right?
-I hate the damn church!
[audience] Ooooohhhhh!
-Potty mouth, young man.
-Watch your potty mouth,
young man.
[audience laughs]
-And I hate
this sweater.
-Oh, Adam, took me
six months to make that.
[audience laughs]
[Bernie screams]
[vase shatters]
-[Bernie groans]
-[audience laughs]
-Oh, gosh.
What a mess!
[audience] [in chorus]
Oh! Gosh! What! A! Mess!
[cheers]
-Adam, you know
your father is afraid of
everything that you throw
at him. Right?
-So?
-So, you're grounded,
young man.
Go to your room.
-Yes, Nintendo!
-And no video games.
-Aaawh.
[audience laughs]
[Bernie] Look out.
Yeah. Whooh.
All right.
Come thou
Long expected Jesus
-Bernie, what have I
told you about those things?
[Bernie] It's okay, darling.
Safety first.
[groans]
[audience laughs]
-[Bernie screams]
[gentle music plays]
Adam?
Hey.
[laundry basket thuds]
You know
I made this sweater
especially for you, right?
[clears throat]
[bed creaks]
-You know the kids at school,
they call me Baby Jesus, Dad.
[audience] Awwwww!
-Is that why
you don't want to sing?
-It's 1990.
Nobody goes to church
anymore, Dad.
-Well, that's
because you guys forgot
being a Christian
can be kind of c-c-c-c-cool.
Gimme five, duderino!
-You sing like a girl.
[audience] Oooh!
-What you working on?
-Nothing.
Just science stuff.
-Hey... Adam.
Come here.
Come here.
Come on.
Hey, you know
who was a great scientist?
God. [chuckles]
He created the earth
in just six days
and then he took Sunday off.
It's kind of neat, right?
-What about
the theory of evolution?
[audience] Oooh!
-Why don't you
put your science away
and go outside and play
with your friends?
-What friends, Dad?
[audience] Awwwww!
-You put this away.
This stuff can be
really dangerous.
I read a church newsletter
about a guy-- What?
Cheese and rice!
Cheese and rice.
That's a hot one.
Oh, cats and dogs.
Honey, get out of the way.
I'm on fire.
[Eva] Just one minute!
I'm working over here...
-[Bernie screams]
-[shattering]
-[chuckles]
[Eva] Bernie, what the...?
[audience laughing]
[sitcom theme playing]
-Cheese and rice!
[audience laughing]
-Hm, what do you think?
-[Angel barks]
-Yeah.
You're right, it needs
a little bit longer.
[audience laughing]
-I'll clean all this up
once they kick off.
[Eva] Bernie...
I wanted to talk to you
about something serious.
-Oh, sure.
Darn it.
Oh, it's hot!
Hot, hot, hot, hot.
-[clanking]
-[Bernie groaning]
Help! I can't...
-How many times
have I told you
to take off those stupid things?
Okay, get my toolbox
and turn the water off quickly.
-I don't know
where they--
-In the fuse box.
Go!
[audience laughs]
[Bernie] There we go.
[audience laughs]
-[Bernie exhales]
[laughs]
[lever breaks off]
[audience laughs]
[doorbell rings]
[Eva] Can you find the lever?
-I-- yeah, I got it.
[Eva] Then pull it!
-I did.
[audience laughs]
-[lever clanks]
-[doorbell rings]
-What is going on here,
young lady?
-Ow, Dad!
-I thought you and your mom
talked about this?
[doorbell rings]
[audience laughs]
-Mom?
You mean the woman we see
once in a while?
[audience] Ooooohhhhh!
[Bernie] That's not nice.
Your mom works hard so we can
live in this beautiful house.
[doorbell rings]
-Dad, all the other girls
in my school
already have boyfriends.
I need this.
-Bunch of other people--
ah, gosh darn.
Ah.
Your beauty comes from
the inside.
You can find the right one
at the right time.
God works in mysterious ways.
[distant clatter]
[audience laughing]
-Just look at me
and your mom.
We bumped into each other
at church camp
when Mom was just 26 years old.
I thought heaven was
missing an angel.
[audience] Awwwww!
-[kisses frame]
I mean, we... we literally
bumped into each other,
by the way.
I broke Mom's glasses,
and I've had to wear
these things ever since.
Excuse me.
[audience laughing]
[Sarah] Eeeww!
Gross.
-I can't even whistle.
[trying to whistle]
I can't. I can't do it,
no matter how hard I try.
[audience laughing]
-[Bernie groans]
Take your time, Eager Beaver.
-Dad, don't call me that.
[Bernie laughing]
-[Sarah swallows gum]
-[Bernie] Oh, I don't think
swallowing bubblegum is healthy.
-[distant rattle]
-Excuse me.
Find out who the heck is that.
On a Sunday.
[Eva] Bernie!
-Yeah,
I'm coming, honey.
Oh.
What can I do you for?
-[with Russian accent]
This 24 Lords Way?
[Angel barks]
-Oh.
Oh, hang on there.
Hey, oh, hang on.
Ever since she had
a pseudo-pregnancy,
she's overprotective.
Sarah, can you help Daddy,
darling?
She's had a...
she had a hysterectomy,
but there we go.
-[romantic music playing]
[Bernie] Her body still
thinks she can get pregnant.
She even produces milk.
It's pretty weird...
[audience] Oooh.
[laughs]
-So, what can
I help you guys with?
-My name Dmitri.
He's my brother, Igor.
My father, Piotr.
-Oh, well, howdy, y'all.
-Our mom dead.
[audience] Oooh.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-Cancer, in her face.
-That's
not the good kind.
[chuckles]
-We work to pay
a big hospital bill.
-Yeah, we prefer
not to work here
on the day of rest.
Oh, hey.
[laughs]
Oh.
Sorry.
-[audience] Oooh.
-You call us
when you have job, huh?
-Okay.
-Or when you need advice.
No problem.
-No. I will-- I will
call you if I have a job or--
or need advice.
[Eva] Bernie!
-Cheese and rice,
honey.
Oh, hey.
It worked.
[audience laughs]
-What was it
you wanted to
talk to me about, honey?
[water dripping]
[Eva crying]
-Hey, you want a hug?
[Eva squeals, cries]
[hits head]
-[clanks]
[Eva groaning]
[Bernie] Right there.
Little flag.
Got your favorite whistle.
[whistle plays]
[audience laughs]
-Dr. White's on the way.
Hey, hey, I might just go
and check the water situation.
-I'll do it.
[strains]
-[audience laughs]
-It's fine.
Relax.
Hey, hmft.
Trust me.
Everything going to be
just fine.
[audience laughs]
-I got your glasses.
Here we go.
I'll put 'em on your little...
on your head.
[laughs] Here we go.
Oh, first down of fun.
[game playing on TV]
[water dripping]
-[audience laughs]
-Silly girl,
that won't work.
[audience laughs]
[Angel barks]
-You're right.
Maybe I should.
[phone dialtone]
-[Dmitri] [over phone] Hello.
-Hey, Dmitri.
Hi, it's Bernie.
[Dmitri] [over phone] [mumbles]
-Want to ask
your advice, uh,
hang on, Dmitri.
-[door bell rings]
[footsteps]
-Oh, hey.
Dr. White to the rescue.
How you doing?
Whoa, go team!
So, how's my favorite patient
doing today?
-No, no,
that's sweet of you,
but please, no.
Don't come over. I don't...
[yelps]
-[phone thuds]
[Bernie] No.
What got into you, girl?
They're good people.
They're here to help.
Guys, no working on Sunday.
[Igor] No problem!
We fix quick!
-Cheese and rice,
at least take your shoes off.
[clattering]
-Bernie! Who are--?
Oh, I'm gonna get my tools.
-[whistle plays]
-Jesus fucking Christ!
You can't do that shit!
Goddamnit!
-Sorry to tell you this, Bernie.
Eva's got a serious
case of burnout.
-What... what exactly
does that mean?
[Dr. White] Well,
for the time being,
one hundred percent rest.
No more work,
no more stimulus.
-No. No!
-And most definitely
no excessive noises.
-I got it.
[Eva] This can't be happening.
My boss is already on my ass!
We have that deal we're gonna
close with Holland tomorrow,
and I gotta watch my game.
And the damn...
-[Dr. White] Okay.
-[Eva] ...faucet.
[groaning]
-[Dr. White] Settle down.
Settle down. It's okay.
This is why women
should stay in the kitchen.
[audience laughs]
[Dr. White] Right.
Well... good luck,
and remember what I said.
One hundred percent rest, okay?
-I got it, Doc.
-You got that?
-All under control.
-[claps]
-[Bernie groans]
[Dr. White] Whoo!
[laughs]
-[door closes]
[Bernie] Rest up, honey,
and I'll call work.
I'll take care of everything.
-[huge crash]
-[Bernie and Eva gasp]
-No.
-[huge crash]
-[family frame shatters]
-Ooh, ooh.
[suspenseful music playing]
I'mma go see
if I can save them apples.
-[Eva cries]
-[audience laughs]
[plate clanks]
-Oh, gosh.
What a mess!
[audience] Oh, gosh!
What a mess!
-We stopped water...
-That's great, but
this is not what I wanted.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[hard slap thrown]
[audience] Ooohh...
-Violence is
never the answer, sir.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-[hard slap thrown]
-[audience] Ooohh...
[Igor] Sorry.
-Fine.
[hard slap thrown]
-I can't watch this.
-[Igor] I sorry, mister...
-[punch thrown]
-[body thuds]
[door hinges creaks]
[audience cheering]
-Where are the Twinkles?
-Yo-- young man.
What did your mom tell you
about snacks before dinner?
[romantic music playing]
[audience laughs]
You want?
-How are we gonna
resolve all this?
[Dmitri] We fix.
No problem.
Igor, get jack-hammer!
-No, no.
Igor, don't get...
[audience laughs]
-Argh. Okay, fine.
You can fix it.
Can I ask--
can we start tomorrow?
How about we just
let it rest for today?
[Dmitri sneezes hard, sniffles]
[Bernie breathing rapidly]
[voice] [VO]
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill them all!
-Big no.
-You guys ever heard the story
of The Good Samaritan?
Tonight, guys,
you are my guests.
Put your sleeping bags
anywhere in the kitchen,
but please just
keep the noise down.
My wife, she really,
really needs her rest.
[unsettling music playing]
[owl hooting]
It's gonna be fine.
-[crying]
I just don't want those
communists near my babies.
-Come on, it's fine.
Listen, they're not bad people.
[Eva cries]
-They mean well.
It's gonna be fine.
-I just don't
see you handling everything.
[audience] Ooohhh.
[Eva crying]
[audience laughs]
-I know what you need.
[romantic music playing]
You need a distraction.
[audience] Ooohhh.
-Wow.
You like--
-No.
[music fades]
[audience laughing]
-Right.
[groans]
I'm so sorry.
[unsettling music playing]
[jackhammer pounding]
-Make it stop.
-Oh.
Hey, I guess it stopped.
[jackhammer pounding continues]
[audience laughing]
-Fix it, goddamnit!
-Come on, Bernie.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Oh, Jesus.
Aaah, no!
Aah.
[groaning]
Guys!
-[jackhammer pounding stops]
-Guys!
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[audience] Oooohhh.
-It's two o'clock
in the morning.
[Igor] Now's not
day of rest anymore.
So, we think we start early
and then also finish early.
Yeah?
-It's good for wife.
[theme music playing]
[cock crowing]
[thudding]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[audience laughs]
-[Bernie] Thank you.
-[jackhammer pounding]
-Life is full of surprises
Each day, something new
-Hey.
-Doing the best we can
Is all we know how to do
You and me and the family
-[Piotr] Hey, no touch.
-That's fine.
[sink separates, thuds]
[into phone]
She is very, very sick, sir.
You can't just fire her
for not coming in.
Oh, you-- you can.
-Did you talk to my boss?
-Not yet.
He's been kind of busy.
-You want?
[audience laughs]
-Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up,
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[Adam coughing]
-[loud thud]
[Bernie] What's going on here?
No, I said no more fooling
around with this science stuff.
[Igor and Adam chuckling]
[liquid boiling]
-[moaning]
[alien babbling]
-Hey.
-[laughing]
-[audience laughing]
[whooing]
[gum pops]
-You look more
pretty than my niece.
-Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
-Watch out, it's hot!
-Aaaahhh!
-[audience] Oh!
-Take those fucking
things off!
[house shaking]
[audience laughs]
-Why are
those commies still
tearing our house apart, Bernie?
-We follow water pipe.
-Oh, they're
following the water pipe.
-Almost done.
-[laughs]
And they're almost done.
[Eva sobs]
[disturbing music playing]
-It's Easter.
Ain't it peaceful?
Hm.
What's that you say?
You want a bit of bacon.
Don't... Oh! [laughs]
Where is everybody?
Adam, Sarah, breakfast.
Guys?
Cheese and rice.
I did not realize
you were making a poopy.
I'll give you
a little more privacy.
Aaah. [awkward chuckle]
Adam! Sarah!
We don't wanna be
late for church!
And remember to put on
your special sweaters.
[door opens]
[Dmitri moaning]
-Hey, are...
are you... are you...?
[Adam and Igor laughing]
-Is that reefer?
-I got this letter
in the mail.
Says here that I'm fired.
-I... I just...
I couldn't find
the right time to tell you.
I'm so sorry.
[Adam and Igor laughing]
[audience gasps]
-What the fuck?
-Open up.
There you go. Good girl.
[thudding downstairs]
Yeah.
You get some rest.
Come on, lie down.
There you go.
I'll just keep this before
any more accidents happen.
-Half a pill,
once a day.
No more.
This is strong stuff.
And whatever you do,
do not mix this with alcohol.
-Oh, right.
Well, Eva doesn't drink,
so that's not a problem.
-I've actually done it
a couple of times myself,
you know?
-Oh!
-It just knocks you out cold.
[both laugh]
-So, remember what I said
about the alcohol.
Make sure
she gets her rest, okay?
Whatever it takes.
-Okay.
Well, thank you, Doctor.
Goodbye and God bless.
-You want a hug?
You're getting a hug.
There we go.
There we go.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[hard slaps thrown]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-Okay.
-Okay.
[door opens, closes]
[hammer pounding]
[Bernie] Guys,
Bernie Christian here.
I think it's best if we
postpone the whole operation.
It's not you, guys.
My wife, just with
the noise and the dust...
[driller thuds]
[Piotr coughing]
-Are you all right?
-[coughing hard]
-It's with
a very heavy heart, guys,
that I'm gonna have to
ask y'all to leave.
[suspenseful music playing]
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
[audience laughing]
-Did you guys
just hear that?
One second.
[house shaking]
[panting]
[shattering]
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
-Ow!
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
-Heavenly Father,
thank You for Your guidance.
Forgive me for getting ahead
of Your plans.
Help me know when to stop and
listen for Your direction...
Ouch! [groaning]
[ethereal music playing]
-Bernie Christian.
-Jesus Christ.
How is this even poss--
-Speak, my son.
Speak!
-Yes, sir.
I'm sorry to ask, but
I don't know what to do.
I'm starting to hear all these
strange voices inside my head.
[Jesus] Say no more,
Bernie Christian.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall receive mercy.
-Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.
What I don't understand,
though...
Jesus?
Jesus?
Jesus?
[winces] God.
-[Eva] Where are we going?
-Here we go.
Here we go.
-Where are you taking me?
-Peace and quiet's
on the way.
[Eva] What?
No, I don't want to go!
-Stay calm.
[Sarah] Dad?
Dad?
I don't feel so good.
-Yeah, I think
I'm just gonna stay here
and hang out with Igor
a little bit.
-No, with us
out of the way,
Piotr and his sons can fix
everything that much faster.
The sooner we get back to
normal, the better,
so we're gonna go
visit Aunt Mary.
Isn't that great?
-That's a
14-hour drive, Dad.
-Well, I think...
-God damn!
Fucking Christ!
God fucking damn it!
[Adam] Mom, stop it! Mom!
Hey, look what you're doing,
Dad!
Fuck.
[Angel barking]
-I'm staying, okay.
-Dad,
what's wrong with me?
-I don't know.
Guys, us Christians
have to stick together.
If we do that, everything's
gonna be just fine.
[Officer Jack] Just gonna
check on the Christian family.
It's probably nothing.
-I promise.
[knocks on door]
-Hey there, folks.
Lovely weather we're having,
don't you think?
-Well...
[Officer Jack] Is everything
going okay in here?
Thought I heard maybe...
-[gun fired]
-Ah!
[all gasping]
[body thuds]
-[Piotr spits]
[speaking in Russian]
[Bernie mumbles in fear]
[Sarah]
He just shot Officer Jack.
[door closes, locks]
-You were going to move me
out of my own house
for a couple of workers?
-What, um...?
-[Eva] Your sick wife?
How could you fucking do that?
[Piotr] Hey!
Shut up your face.
Take tool and work.
-Work?
-We leave
when we find it.
-Find... find what?
-Aah!
-[whacks head with rifle]
-[high pitch ringing]
[hammer pounding]
-[Eva sobbing]
I can't take it anymore.
[Bernie] Just put your shoulder
into it, honey.
I'm sure Piotr will find
what he needs real soon.
-No, Bernie.
I can't do us anymore.
-Why--? Why?
-I don't love you
anymore, Bernie.
[gun cocks]
[hammer pounding]
-[Sarah retches]
I think I'm pregnant.
[stomach growling]
-But...
it is not possible.
-But I really think so.
[hammer pounding]
-[Bernie] Eve?
-[Eva groans]
-Eva!
No, no, no, no.
It's fine.
It's fine.
She just needs one of these.
-[Piotr] Work!
-[Bernie] Sure.
-Open.
[Eva moans]
[Piotr coughing]
-Piotr, are you okay?
[Piotr coughing]
-Piotr, are you okay?
-What?
-[lighter clicks]
[Eva] What, he...?
He seemed sick.
[Angel barking]
[Bernie] Angel, no! Angel!
-Let him.
[Angel barking in the distance]
-Smells.
-Smells what?
-[Piotr] Dog.
-Smells--
-[Piotr] Dog.
Up.
Biro, up!
Biro!
Up!
[Bernie straining]
-[Piotr] Hey!
-[Bernie grunts]
[lashes thrown with belt]
-Faster!
-[whipping continues]
-[Bernie grunts]
[whipping continues]
[groans]
Jesus.
Oh, Jesus, thank God.
Thank God, why is
all this happening?
-The Lord works
in mysterious ways, my son.
-He does.
He really does.
Feels like I failed you,
but I thought
I did everything right.
I tried to be
a good Christian.
I mean, the best.
I put you first even...
even before my own family,
if I'm being honest.
So, please tell me Lord,
why do they suffer so now?
-I died for your sins,
Bernie Christian.
I am the answer
to your problems.
-Thank you.
Thank you, Jesus.
Who... what was the answer?
-I am.
God created me as the answer
to all problems.
-Oh, right.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
I still don't get it.
What do you--
what do you mean exactly?
-We need to come
to the sanctuary of God
to get all of our answers.
Sanctuary of God
is in your spirit
and in the church.
-Right. Yeah,
we go there every Sunday.
I-- I never missed
a service before today.
So? [scoffs]
-Well, you need to
turn to your spirit.
-My wife
doesn't love me anymore.
My daughter's
having premarital sex,
and my son is a junkie.
How do you explain that?
-You need to turn
to your spirit--
-Bullshit.
Bullshit!
-And experience
the division--
-[interrupts]
Can't you just give me
a straight goddamn answer?
I didn't mean to say--
please don't go, Jesus.
Jesus!
-[Piotr] Work!
-[Bernie grunts]
-[Piotr] Fuck!
-[doorbell rings]
-[siren wailing]
[banging on door]
-[Adam laughs]
[banging on door]
Oh, fuck! [laughs]
[Officer Johnson] Open up.
This is the police. Open up.
[Adam laughing]
[Piotr] Hey.
[Officer Johnson]
Open up right now.
Hello?
[Igor and Adam laughing]
[Officer Johnson]
Okay, last chance.
Open the door and come out
with your hands up.
[into radio] This is
Officer Johnson checking in.
There's no sign of
Officer Jack at the Christians.
There's a lot of blood
on the front door,
but nobody seems to be home.
We're going to check out
the neighborhood.
-No! Help us!
-[gun fired]
-[Bernie grunts]
[Officer Johnson]
Shots fired. Shots fired.
I need backup now.
[Bernie groaning]
[heavy thuds]
-No touch.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[Officer Johnson]
Is everybody okay in there?
-Ow.
[Officer Johnson] I said,
is everybody okay in there?
[Bernie groans]
[Officer Johnson]
Well, don't worry,
backup is on the way.
[Piotr]
Come here, fucking pig!
-We're never gonna
make it out of here alive.
[Piotr] Shoot you in the vest!
-Never, never,
never, never, never.
[tablet container pops]
[gun cocks]
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
[tablets clatter]
-Lord, forgive me
for what I'm about to do.
Thank you.
[suspenseful music playing]
[cork pops]
[liquor looping]
-What? Fuck.
-I'm sorry, sir.
I'm so sorry, sir.
Please. I'm sorry.
-No touch vodka.
Never.
[kick thrown]
-[Bernie groaning]
-[Piotr snoring]
-[Bernie groaning]
[floor creaking]
[strains]
[wood creaks loudly]
Come on.
We got to get up.
Here we go.
Come on. Here we go.
[bed rolling]
[table sliding]
Okay.
Okay.
Here we go. [strains]
Why don't you start
tying sheets together, okay?
[straining hard]
[clanks]
Oh, gosh darn,
that's a splinter.
[Sarah] Dad?
What are you doing?
-[inhaling rapidly]
-I'm getting us
out of here, sweetheart.
[groans] That...
that's still in there.
[Eva] Um... where are my pills?
Has anybody see my pills?
-I think
you've had enough pills...
-[Sarah retches]
Dad, is this normal?
[Bernie] I don't know,
sweetheart.
Can you ask Mom?
[Sarah] Mom's not here, Dad.
She's never here,
and if I ask you,
you just quote
that stupid book.
You guys are useless.
-Adam,
what's going on here?
-You don't even care
how I feel.
You talk more to Jesus
than your own son.
-Sweetheart,
can you help me?
-No, goddamnit.
Who takes care of all of us?
-Oh, well.
[scoffs] I think we--
we both have our roles.
-[Sarah] I'm gonna see
if Dmitri's okay.
-No! Sarah, please.
[shatters and clatters]
Have you guys gone crazy?
Hey.
Don't...
Just give me the pills back.
-Aaah.
[laughing]
[Bernie] Y'all gone crazy?
[hyperventilating]
[peeing]
[moans]
[low voice]
Kill them all.
[normal voice] This is not
how you were raised,
Bernie Christian.
[low voice]
Kill them all.
[normal voice] Let all
bitterness and wrath
and anger be set aside.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice]
Be kind to one another.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice] Tenderhearted.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice] Forgiving.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice]
As God in Christ forgave you.
Piotr.
I forgive you.
[hits head with a rifle]
[brooding music playing]
[groaning]
[brooding music continues]
[song playing]
[song playing]
-Igor, I... I wasn't...
-[slap thrown]
-[clanking]
[Piotr] You must give son,
not fuck son.
[spits]
[speaking in Russian]
[Angel barking]
-Come.
[intense music playing]
[hammer pounding]
[speaking in Russian]
[Angel barking]
-That's a good girl.
That's a good dog.
-Just rat?
-Just a rat.
[speaking in Russian]
-No!
[gun fired]
[crying hard]
[emotional music playing]
[siren wailing,
helicopter flying]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
This is the F.B.I.
Open up, asshole!
[Eva groans]
-Fuck, F.B.I.!
Go, or I shoot this
mother bitch in face!
-Suck dick,
fucking sons of fucks!
[rapid gunfire]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Take cover! Take cover!
-My father
not go back jail!
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Stay calm, guys.
We're just here to help.
Is anyone hurt?
-I let hostage go,
you give airplane Russia!
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Stay calm.
-If no,
I shoot hostage dead.
I start with this whore.
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
No, guys.
[rapid gunfire]
Take cover!
Hold your fire.
Stay calm in there, guys.
-You have one hour, asshole guy!
-You're leaving?
-[punch thrown]
-[Eva groaning]
-Shut face, dirty slut.
We go back to motherland.
With the whole family.
[Piotr coughing]
[rapid gunfire]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Eva] I love you.
So, I wanna come with you.
-[Bernie sobbing]
No!
[siren wailing outside]
-Adam?
[emotional music playing]
-[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-[gun fired]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[Igor speaking in Russian]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[door opens]
[Adam] Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck, go on. Go on.
Please, go on.
Fuck, fuck.
Fuck! Come on.
[Igor] Hey.
-[Adam panting]
Why do you listen to your dad?
He hates you, man.
-I sorry I kiss you.
I think we have
something special
after we smoked high together.
-Oh, fuck. [coughs]
[groaning]
That's okay... I was...
I was just looking for
something else, you know.
[panting]
When's the alien coming back?
[groans]
-He never come back.
I only saw him one time.
First time I got high.
He never come back. I sorry.
-No.
[sobs] No.
-I just want to
make Papa proud.
I just want to make Papa proud.
I can't.
[gun fired]
-[muffled groan]
[Igor speaking in Russian]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Eva groans]
-You commie son of a bitch.
-Ah.
[Angel's body thuds]
-[Piotr spits]
[speaking in Russian]
[rapid gunfire, siren wailing]
[tires screeching]
[car window shatters]
[speaking in Russian]
[Nadia groans]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Nadia grunting]
[baby crying]
-[speaking in Russian]
[siren wailing]
[baby crying]
-Aah!
[speaking in Russian]
[siren wailing]
[tires screeching]
[siren wailing]
[speaking in Russian]
[car door opens, closes]
Ah.
[car door opens, closes]
[Nadia speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[rapid gunfire]
[siren wailing]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[siren wailing]
-[speaking in Russian]
[pounding]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen]
Put your hands up.
-[speaking in Russian]
-Hands up, asshole!
She's dead.
-No, you fuck!
[Agent Janssen] Look at me.
Fucking look at me!
You know the cop
you just killed?
He was my partner.
-All pigs deserve to die.
-You fuck!
[police officer] Janssen? No!
[Agent Janssen]
You communist cop killer fuck!
[police officer]
No, he's not worth it!
-He fucking killed Winslow!
[police officer]
He's not worth it!
[Agent Janssen]
I'll be waiting for you.
I fucking promise!
[Piotr laughing maniacally]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Bernie groans]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[laughing]
[speaking in Russian]
[sighs]
[speaking in Russian]
-You sick fuck.
-Nadia must be
not alone in cemetery.
Family be together.
[emotional music playing]
[rubble bag rips off]
Nadia.
[Eva moaning]
[woman vocalizing]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[moaning, kissing]
-Eve? Darling?
Eve!
[moaning]
-Mom?
-Shut up, woman!
-[slaps hard]
-[Sarah groans]
[Piotr and Eva moaning]
-Oh!
Eve, no!
-No! Stop!
-[Bernie] No!
-[Eva] Piotr, no! Ow!
-Eve!
-[Eva] Bernie!
Bernie!
No!
-[Piotr strains]
-[Eva groans]
Piotr, stop!
-[screams angrily]
[panting]
It's all right.
I get it.
You can only do so much, right?
Right?
-Ah, yes.
-I devoted
my whole life to you.
-I know.
-[Bernie chuckles]
I... sure... I... maybe
I took it a little bit too far
once or twice but...
I needed you to stay sane.
You get that, right?
-There's so many of you.
Don't get me wrong,
I appreciate each and every
single one of you, but I can't--
-[interrupts] Can't do
everything for everyone.
Yeah. I mean, I get it.
I get that.
That'd be crazy.
You're not Santa Claus.
You guys got a lot
on your plate with...
birth control and homosexuals.
Pedophiles.
[Jesus] Yes, absolutely.
There is a lot to unpack there.
[Bernie]
There is a lot to unpack.
-Yes.
-There's a lot to unpack.
[Jesus]
I'm working it.
I'm doing my best, son.
-And that's all a man can do.
That's all a man can do.
-Amen, right.
-[sighs] Amen.
I wanna thank you for giving me
a little bit of time on my own.
I needed some time to think,
just to work a few things out,
so thank you, Jesus.
-Nah.
No, don't thank me.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I should have been
there for you,
and I hope you can
forgive me for that.
-Hey, I forgive you.
-Thank you, Bernie.
-You're welcome.
Hey, you gonna use
your magic... [laughs]
Help me off of this thing.
-Yeah, that's right.
You know, trust me,
it's bad for your lower back
after a little while.
You wanna be--
-[Bernie] Ah!
Ah!!
[Jesus screaming in pain]
-Fuck you, Jesus Christ.
[Eva] No. No!
[groaning]
[Bernie] Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill... them... all.
[grunting]
[nails clank]
[Eva] No! No!
-[Piotr grunting]
[screaming]
[face sizzles]
-[speaking in Russian]
[strikes mop]
-Hello, love.
-Hi, Bernie.
-[cloth ripped off]
-[Eva moans]
[glass shatters]
Shit!
-You little prick.
[gun cocks]
[both grunting]
[gun fired]
-No!
[thuds]
[tense music]
[gun fired]
[grunting]
[blood splatters]
[bottle shattering]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Are the hostages okay?
Are the hostages okay?
Does anyone need
medical attention?
[Piotr]
Medical attention, no.
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
All right, stay calm.
Stay calm. We've got it.
There's an unmarked car
for you in the driveway.
The tank is full, and we
already notified the airport.
-And airplane?
Asshole guy?
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Working on it, as we speak.
All right, guys,
what do you think?
What do you think?
-We hear you fuckers!
We go outside! You go back!
-Hey, you, come with us.
-[gun cocks]
-Go! Go!
Go!
-[Eva] Why?
Why do you need us to come?
You already have what you want.
-You think
we trust asshole FBI.
Of course not, stupid.
You are insurance.
Let's go, Momma.
Go!
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Igor crying]
[Piotr] Ah, shut the fuck up
in the face.
We go. We go.
[speaking in Russian]
-[crying angrily] No, no!
-[Sarah] No, Mom!
-[Eva] No!
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-Fuck!
[Eva squeals]
[Piotr] You want stay?
You can stay. No problem.
Forever.
-[gun cocks]
-[Dmitri] Papa, no.
-[Bernie whistles]
He's right.
My family is staying
right the fuck where they are.
[game theme music plays]
[flame crackles]
[ethereal choral singing]
-Noooo!
[gun fired]
[bullet ricochets]
[punch thrown]
[body thuds]
[gun cocks]
[gun fired]
[Dmitri groans]
[body thuds]
[ethereal choral
singing continues]
[Bernie] Scieeeeence
Mothafuckaaaaas!
[loud explosion, glass shatters]
-[Eva groaning]
[coughing]
-[distant thud]
-[Eva gasps]
[flames crackling]
[straining, groaning]
-Mom.
[sobs]
-Hi, baby.
[Adam coughing]
[Eva] Baby. Baby.
-He's dead. He's dead.
Dad's dead.
[crying]
[Eva] He died for our sins.
-We gotta go.
We have to get out of here.
-Yeah.
-That's what
he would've wanted. Come on.
[Eva sobbing]
-[gun cocks]
-[FBI Agent 1] Christians,
we're here to get you out.
Come over here, please.
[Sarah] Look.
Mom.
It's over. It's all over.
[Eva sobbing]
Come.
-[gun cocks]
-[Eva gasps]
[FBI Agent 1] Calm down, sir.
Let the hostages go.
[Piotr] Fuck you!
The fuck.
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-They're too many.
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[FBI Agent 1] Don't do it, sir.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[sliding stone rolling]
-Bernard.
-Let it be known
on this day,
Bernie Christian
rose from the fucking dead.
It's Easter, motherfuckers.
And I'm the motherfucking
Easter Bunny.
Now get the fuck
out of my house!
-You destroy me family,
you motherfuck!
-[gun fired]
-[FBI agent groans]
[FBI Agent 2]
Shots fired! Shots fired!
-[rapid gunfire]
-[FBI Agent 2] Take cover!
Man down.
[rapid gunfire,
bullets ricocheting]
-Papa.
[rapid gunfire]
-Aaaahhh!
[rapid gunfire continues]
[FBI agent groans]
[rapid gunfire continues]
-Help!
[rapid gunfire continues]
[audience screaming in panic]
[FBI agent groans]
[rapid gunfire continues]
[Dmitri panting]
-[speaking in Russian]
[melancholic choral music]
[rapid gunfire continues]
[FBI Agent grunts]
[bullets clank]
[rapid gunfire continues]
[FBI Agent grunts]
[rifle thuds]
[slap thrown]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen]
Easy there, Piotr.
I've waited
such a long time for this.
By escaping prison, you made it
so much easier for me.
'Cause here you are.
So, thanks.
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've killed your wife.
Comes with the territory, right?
But Officer Winslow
was a good man.
True American.
Real family man, you know.
With such a cheerful wife.
She blamed me for his death.
And she was right.
I should have protected him.
He was my partner.
My best friend.
My family.
-It's not my problem.
[Agent Janssen]
No, you're right, it's not.
I'm just here to
keep my promise.
And what do you know, no more
colleagues left to stop me--
[rapid gunfire]
[body thuds]
[Bernie] I don't think
the police can help.
This is a family matter.
Down.
-Fuck you.
-[Bernie laughs]
-[rapid gunfire]
-[Piotr groaning]
[speaking in Russian]
Only couple weeks left.
No doctor, no can help.
Only wanted to die motherland.
The rest of family grave.
There's all family together.
-Oh.
[gun cocks]
-[Piotr moaning]
[mumbling in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[blows off dust]
Hello. [laughs]
See you around, buddy.
What's that you say?
You missed him. [laughs]
-No, no.
Bernard, no.
No. Bernard.
-Here we go.
-No. [grunting in pain]
[Bernie moaning]
-So sorry
for everything, honey.
-Oh. I'm sorry too,
darling.
I love you. [chuckles]
[Piotr groans]
[Igor groaning]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
[Piotr grunting in pain]
Help.
[grunting in pain]
[emotional music playing]
-[speaking in Russian]
-Jesus is inside you now.
[Piotr grunting]
-What's with the accent?
-I have absolutely no idea.
-It's hot.
-[chuckles]
Ooh la-la-la.
-[loud crack]
-[Eva gasps]
[Adam] Aaaahh!
-Adam, no!
[Adam] Aaaahh!
Aaaahh! Oh, God!
[screaming in pain]
Oh, fuck!
Oh, motherfucker!
-Fucking hell.
[Adam grunting in pain]
[Sarah] Oh, fuck.
-Relax, breathe.
-No. Fuck off, asshole!
[retches]
-I so sorry, Sarah.
I'm so sorry I hit you.
I-- see, I not know better.
Because I was raised
Russian way.
[Sarah retches]
-I will change.
I can change for you.
Yes?
I'm not like Papa.
[Adam groaning in pain]
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go.
Feel better?
Hey, you feel better?
[alien talking]
-Hey.
-Hey.
[Sarah retches]
-Yes, good!
Let it out!
[Sarah retches]
-Yes, Sarah.
You're so pretty.
Breathe.
You can do.
Go on, yes.
Yes, Sarah.
[alien crooning]
-Missed you.
-I missed you too, buddy.
I missed you too.
-Hey, hey.
[alien crooning]
-[Adam laughs]
Oh, fuck. [laughs]
[Dmitri] You can do, Sarah.
You can do, Sarah.
Go on, yes.
Whoo, breathe.
-[Sarah groans]
[sighing in relief]
Hey.
Hi. Oh.
-Beautiful.
-Oh.
[Dmitri] like her mother.
[Sarah chuckles]
-Congratulations.
I'm so proud of you.
And you.
You better take good care
of them both.
-I promise... Papa.
-Seriously,
'cause if you fuck this up,
I'm gonna kill you.
[laughs]
She looks just like
my Eager Beaver.
-Oh, I love you, Dad.
[Bernie laughing]
-My granddaughter.
-[chuckles]
Excuse me one second.
-Family
is the most important...
[Bernie] Aghhh!
[denture slides]
Christians!
[cross thuds loudly]
[electric buzzes]
Hmmm.
Oh gosh, what a mess.
You guys,
you are the most important
thing in my life.
Nothing should be
more important.
Not... experimenting
with science.
Boys.
Or work.
-[bell rings]
-[cross thudding]
-Or this fucking guy.
Look, I'm never
gonna give you up.
I'm never gonna let you down.
-Are--
are you quoting Rick Astley?
-Nope.
-Mom, are you okay?
-Mom!
-[Bernie shushes]
Just watch.
[clatters]
[clattering, shattering]
Wow.
Nature sure is
a beautiful thing.
Excuse me.
[scrubbing]
Hey.
Lovely job, darling.
[kissing passionately]
-[Eva squeals]
-[plate shatters]
[Bernie] Oh, fucking hell.
Oh, God.
[moaning]
-Hey, baby.
-Aww! Hi, darling.
-Life is full of surprises
[Bernie] Oh.
-Each day something new
Doing the best we can
Is all we know how to do
-Hey, come on. Come on.
-You and me and the family
-You're part of
this crazy house now.
-We may be do things
A little bit differently
Let the neighbors talk
It doesn't matter much to me
We'll still be here
Another year
Cause I know our love
Will see us through
Oh we might not
Quite fit the mold
But we always
Find the smile
To share
And the hand to hold
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[Krazy House music playing]
[Bernie laughing]
-All our dreams intertwining
Under one roof
Anything is possible
I guess we're living proof
-You and me
-[all exclaiming]
It's safe to say
-[Bernie] Sorry.
-Our crazy love
Will find a way
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
[Adam farts]
-Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[Krazy House music playing]
[Sarah] Yay! [giggles]
[static crackles]
[squirrel] Jesus.
[unsettling, opening music
playing]
[film rewinding]
[film rewinds]
[unsettling music
builds up, stops]
[rapid gunfire]
[body thuds]
[baby crying]
[TV static]
["Krazy House"
theme music playing]
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up with
Living the life
It's a Krazy House
Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[narrator] [VO]
Krazy House is taped
in front of
a live studio audience.
[door opens]
[audience cheering]
-Group hug, guys.
Come on.
-[door closes]
-[audience laughs]
[Bernie] Come on, guys.
Anyone?
Oh Angel, come on.
Come on.
Oh, who's a good girl?
Hey. You're a good girl. Whooh!
Oh, you want to
pray to Jesus?
Oh.
Come on. Get in your bed,
young lady.
Here we go.
A one, a two,
a you know what to do.
"Come thou long
Expected Jesus"
[Eva] Bernie.
[Bernie] We gotta
get this fixed.
We gotta get this fixed.
-Bernie?
-Yeah.
-Honey, please.
The game starts in 20 minutes,
and I've still got
a lot of work to do.
[Bernie] On a Sunday?
That's the day
we celebrate the Lord.
-Ooh.
-Just one song.
-Honey, you know
I've got to close that big
business deal tomorrow and
the Dutch are eight hours ahead.
-[grunts, grumbles]
-[audience laughs]
-Sorry.
-Sarah, how about you?
-[Sarah blows gum]
Yeah, I'm not doing it
if Mom isn't.
-Adam?
You love to sing
with your dad, right?
-I hate the damn church!
[audience] Ooooohhhhh!
-Potty mouth, young man.
-Watch your potty mouth,
young man.
[audience laughs]
-And I hate
this sweater.
-Oh, Adam, took me
six months to make that.
[audience laughs]
[Bernie screams]
[vase shatters]
-[Bernie groans]
-[audience laughs]
-Oh, gosh.
What a mess!
[audience] [in chorus]
Oh! Gosh! What! A! Mess!
[cheers]
-Adam, you know
your father is afraid of
everything that you throw
at him. Right?
-So?
-So, you're grounded,
young man.
Go to your room.
-Yes, Nintendo!
-And no video games.
-Aaawh.
[audience laughs]
[Bernie] Look out.
Yeah. Whooh.
All right.
Come thou
Long expected Jesus
-Bernie, what have I
told you about those things?
[Bernie] It's okay, darling.
Safety first.
[groans]
[audience laughs]
-[Bernie screams]
[gentle music plays]
Adam?
Hey.
[laundry basket thuds]
You know
I made this sweater
especially for you, right?
[clears throat]
[bed creaks]
-You know the kids at school,
they call me Baby Jesus, Dad.
[audience] Awwwww!
-Is that why
you don't want to sing?
-It's 1990.
Nobody goes to church
anymore, Dad.
-Well, that's
because you guys forgot
being a Christian
can be kind of c-c-c-c-cool.
Gimme five, duderino!
-You sing like a girl.
[audience] Oooh!
-What you working on?
-Nothing.
Just science stuff.
-Hey... Adam.
Come here.
Come here.
Come on.
Hey, you know
who was a great scientist?
God. [chuckles]
He created the earth
in just six days
and then he took Sunday off.
It's kind of neat, right?
-What about
the theory of evolution?
[audience] Oooh!
-Why don't you
put your science away
and go outside and play
with your friends?
-What friends, Dad?
[audience] Awwwww!
-You put this away.
This stuff can be
really dangerous.
I read a church newsletter
about a guy-- What?
Cheese and rice!
Cheese and rice.
That's a hot one.
Oh, cats and dogs.
Honey, get out of the way.
I'm on fire.
[Eva] Just one minute!
I'm working over here...
-[Bernie screams]
-[shattering]
-[chuckles]
[Eva] Bernie, what the...?
[audience laughing]
[sitcom theme playing]
-Cheese and rice!
[audience laughing]
-Hm, what do you think?
-[Angel barks]
-Yeah.
You're right, it needs
a little bit longer.
[audience laughing]
-I'll clean all this up
once they kick off.
[Eva] Bernie...
I wanted to talk to you
about something serious.
-Oh, sure.
Darn it.
Oh, it's hot!
Hot, hot, hot, hot.
-[clanking]
-[Bernie groaning]
Help! I can't...
-How many times
have I told you
to take off those stupid things?
Okay, get my toolbox
and turn the water off quickly.
-I don't know
where they--
-In the fuse box.
Go!
[audience laughs]
[Bernie] There we go.
[audience laughs]
-[Bernie exhales]
[laughs]
[lever breaks off]
[audience laughs]
[doorbell rings]
[Eva] Can you find the lever?
-I-- yeah, I got it.
[Eva] Then pull it!
-I did.
[audience laughs]
-[lever clanks]
-[doorbell rings]
-What is going on here,
young lady?
-Ow, Dad!
-I thought you and your mom
talked about this?
[doorbell rings]
[audience laughs]
-Mom?
You mean the woman we see
once in a while?
[audience] Ooooohhhhh!
[Bernie] That's not nice.
Your mom works hard so we can
live in this beautiful house.
[doorbell rings]
-Dad, all the other girls
in my school
already have boyfriends.
I need this.
-Bunch of other people--
ah, gosh darn.
Ah.
Your beauty comes from
the inside.
You can find the right one
at the right time.
God works in mysterious ways.
[distant clatter]
[audience laughing]
-Just look at me
and your mom.
We bumped into each other
at church camp
when Mom was just 26 years old.
I thought heaven was
missing an angel.
[audience] Awwwww!
-[kisses frame]
I mean, we... we literally
bumped into each other,
by the way.
I broke Mom's glasses,
and I've had to wear
these things ever since.
Excuse me.
[audience laughing]
[Sarah] Eeeww!
Gross.
-I can't even whistle.
[trying to whistle]
I can't. I can't do it,
no matter how hard I try.
[audience laughing]
-[Bernie groans]
Take your time, Eager Beaver.
-Dad, don't call me that.
[Bernie laughing]
-[Sarah swallows gum]
-[Bernie] Oh, I don't think
swallowing bubblegum is healthy.
-[distant rattle]
-Excuse me.
Find out who the heck is that.
On a Sunday.
[Eva] Bernie!
-Yeah,
I'm coming, honey.
Oh.
What can I do you for?
-[with Russian accent]
This 24 Lords Way?
[Angel barks]
-Oh.
Oh, hang on there.
Hey, oh, hang on.
Ever since she had
a pseudo-pregnancy,
she's overprotective.
Sarah, can you help Daddy,
darling?
She's had a...
she had a hysterectomy,
but there we go.
-[romantic music playing]
[Bernie] Her body still
thinks she can get pregnant.
She even produces milk.
It's pretty weird...
[audience] Oooh.
[laughs]
-So, what can
I help you guys with?
-My name Dmitri.
He's my brother, Igor.
My father, Piotr.
-Oh, well, howdy, y'all.
-Our mom dead.
[audience] Oooh.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-Cancer, in her face.
-That's
not the good kind.
[chuckles]
-We work to pay
a big hospital bill.
-Yeah, we prefer
not to work here
on the day of rest.
Oh, hey.
[laughs]
Oh.
Sorry.
-[audience] Oooh.
-You call us
when you have job, huh?
-Okay.
-Or when you need advice.
No problem.
-No. I will-- I will
call you if I have a job or--
or need advice.
[Eva] Bernie!
-Cheese and rice,
honey.
Oh, hey.
It worked.
[audience laughs]
-What was it
you wanted to
talk to me about, honey?
[water dripping]
[Eva crying]
-Hey, you want a hug?
[Eva squeals, cries]
[hits head]
-[clanks]
[Eva groaning]
[Bernie] Right there.
Little flag.
Got your favorite whistle.
[whistle plays]
[audience laughs]
-Dr. White's on the way.
Hey, hey, I might just go
and check the water situation.
-I'll do it.
[strains]
-[audience laughs]
-It's fine.
Relax.
Hey, hmft.
Trust me.
Everything going to be
just fine.
[audience laughs]
-I got your glasses.
Here we go.
I'll put 'em on your little...
on your head.
[laughs] Here we go.
Oh, first down of fun.
[game playing on TV]
[water dripping]
-[audience laughs]
-Silly girl,
that won't work.
[audience laughs]
[Angel barks]
-You're right.
Maybe I should.
[phone dialtone]
-[Dmitri] [over phone] Hello.
-Hey, Dmitri.
Hi, it's Bernie.
[Dmitri] [over phone] [mumbles]
-Want to ask
your advice, uh,
hang on, Dmitri.
-[door bell rings]
[footsteps]
-Oh, hey.
Dr. White to the rescue.
How you doing?
Whoa, go team!
So, how's my favorite patient
doing today?
-No, no,
that's sweet of you,
but please, no.
Don't come over. I don't...
[yelps]
-[phone thuds]
[Bernie] No.
What got into you, girl?
They're good people.
They're here to help.
Guys, no working on Sunday.
[Igor] No problem!
We fix quick!
-Cheese and rice,
at least take your shoes off.
[clattering]
-Bernie! Who are--?
Oh, I'm gonna get my tools.
-[whistle plays]
-Jesus fucking Christ!
You can't do that shit!
Goddamnit!
-Sorry to tell you this, Bernie.
Eva's got a serious
case of burnout.
-What... what exactly
does that mean?
[Dr. White] Well,
for the time being,
one hundred percent rest.
No more work,
no more stimulus.
-No. No!
-And most definitely
no excessive noises.
-I got it.
[Eva] This can't be happening.
My boss is already on my ass!
We have that deal we're gonna
close with Holland tomorrow,
and I gotta watch my game.
And the damn...
-[Dr. White] Okay.
-[Eva] ...faucet.
[groaning]
-[Dr. White] Settle down.
Settle down. It's okay.
This is why women
should stay in the kitchen.
[audience laughs]
[Dr. White] Right.
Well... good luck,
and remember what I said.
One hundred percent rest, okay?
-I got it, Doc.
-You got that?
-All under control.
-[claps]
-[Bernie groans]
[Dr. White] Whoo!
[laughs]
-[door closes]
[Bernie] Rest up, honey,
and I'll call work.
I'll take care of everything.
-[huge crash]
-[Bernie and Eva gasp]
-No.
-[huge crash]
-[family frame shatters]
-Ooh, ooh.
[suspenseful music playing]
I'mma go see
if I can save them apples.
-[Eva cries]
-[audience laughs]
[plate clanks]
-Oh, gosh.
What a mess!
[audience] Oh, gosh!
What a mess!
-We stopped water...
-That's great, but
this is not what I wanted.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[hard slap thrown]
[audience] Ooohh...
-Violence is
never the answer, sir.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-[hard slap thrown]
-[audience] Ooohh...
[Igor] Sorry.
-Fine.
[hard slap thrown]
-I can't watch this.
-[Igor] I sorry, mister...
-[punch thrown]
-[body thuds]
[door hinges creaks]
[audience cheering]
-Where are the Twinkles?
-Yo-- young man.
What did your mom tell you
about snacks before dinner?
[romantic music playing]
[audience laughs]
You want?
-How are we gonna
resolve all this?
[Dmitri] We fix.
No problem.
Igor, get jack-hammer!
-No, no.
Igor, don't get...
[audience laughs]
-Argh. Okay, fine.
You can fix it.
Can I ask--
can we start tomorrow?
How about we just
let it rest for today?
[Dmitri sneezes hard, sniffles]
[Bernie breathing rapidly]
[voice] [VO]
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill them all!
-Big no.
-You guys ever heard the story
of The Good Samaritan?
Tonight, guys,
you are my guests.
Put your sleeping bags
anywhere in the kitchen,
but please just
keep the noise down.
My wife, she really,
really needs her rest.
[unsettling music playing]
[owl hooting]
It's gonna be fine.
-[crying]
I just don't want those
communists near my babies.
-Come on, it's fine.
Listen, they're not bad people.
[Eva cries]
-They mean well.
It's gonna be fine.
-I just don't
see you handling everything.
[audience] Ooohhh.
[Eva crying]
[audience laughs]
-I know what you need.
[romantic music playing]
You need a distraction.
[audience] Ooohhh.
-Wow.
You like--
-No.
[music fades]
[audience laughing]
-Right.
[groans]
I'm so sorry.
[unsettling music playing]
[jackhammer pounding]
-Make it stop.
-Oh.
Hey, I guess it stopped.
[jackhammer pounding continues]
[audience laughing]
-Fix it, goddamnit!
-Come on, Bernie.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Oh, Jesus.
Aaah, no!
Aah.
[groaning]
Guys!
-[jackhammer pounding stops]
-Guys!
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[audience] Oooohhh.
-It's two o'clock
in the morning.
[Igor] Now's not
day of rest anymore.
So, we think we start early
and then also finish early.
Yeah?
-It's good for wife.
[theme music playing]
[cock crowing]
[thudding]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[audience laughs]
-[Bernie] Thank you.
-[jackhammer pounding]
-Life is full of surprises
Each day, something new
-Hey.
-Doing the best we can
Is all we know how to do
You and me and the family
-[Piotr] Hey, no touch.
-That's fine.
[sink separates, thuds]
[into phone]
She is very, very sick, sir.
You can't just fire her
for not coming in.
Oh, you-- you can.
-Did you talk to my boss?
-Not yet.
He's been kind of busy.
-You want?
[audience laughs]
-Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up,
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[Adam coughing]
-[loud thud]
[Bernie] What's going on here?
No, I said no more fooling
around with this science stuff.
[Igor and Adam chuckling]
[liquid boiling]
-[moaning]
[alien babbling]
-Hey.
-[laughing]
-[audience laughing]
[whooing]
[gum pops]
-You look more
pretty than my niece.
-Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
-Watch out, it's hot!
-Aaaahhh!
-[audience] Oh!
-Take those fucking
things off!
[house shaking]
[audience laughs]
-Why are
those commies still
tearing our house apart, Bernie?
-We follow water pipe.
-Oh, they're
following the water pipe.
-Almost done.
-[laughs]
And they're almost done.
[Eva sobs]
[disturbing music playing]
-It's Easter.
Ain't it peaceful?
Hm.
What's that you say?
You want a bit of bacon.
Don't... Oh! [laughs]
Where is everybody?
Adam, Sarah, breakfast.
Guys?
Cheese and rice.
I did not realize
you were making a poopy.
I'll give you
a little more privacy.
Aaah. [awkward chuckle]
Adam! Sarah!
We don't wanna be
late for church!
And remember to put on
your special sweaters.
[door opens]
[Dmitri moaning]
-Hey, are...
are you... are you...?
[Adam and Igor laughing]
-Is that reefer?
-I got this letter
in the mail.
Says here that I'm fired.
-I... I just...
I couldn't find
the right time to tell you.
I'm so sorry.
[Adam and Igor laughing]
[audience gasps]
-What the fuck?
-Open up.
There you go. Good girl.
[thudding downstairs]
Yeah.
You get some rest.
Come on, lie down.
There you go.
I'll just keep this before
any more accidents happen.
-Half a pill,
once a day.
No more.
This is strong stuff.
And whatever you do,
do not mix this with alcohol.
-Oh, right.
Well, Eva doesn't drink,
so that's not a problem.
-I've actually done it
a couple of times myself,
you know?
-Oh!
-It just knocks you out cold.
[both laugh]
-So, remember what I said
about the alcohol.
Make sure
she gets her rest, okay?
Whatever it takes.
-Okay.
Well, thank you, Doctor.
Goodbye and God bless.
-You want a hug?
You're getting a hug.
There we go.
There we go.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[hard slaps thrown]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-Okay.
-Okay.
[door opens, closes]
[hammer pounding]
[Bernie] Guys,
Bernie Christian here.
I think it's best if we
postpone the whole operation.
It's not you, guys.
My wife, just with
the noise and the dust...
[driller thuds]
[Piotr coughing]
-Are you all right?
-[coughing hard]
-It's with
a very heavy heart, guys,
that I'm gonna have to
ask y'all to leave.
[suspenseful music playing]
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
[audience laughing]
-Did you guys
just hear that?
One second.
[house shaking]
[panting]
[shattering]
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
-Ow!
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
-Heavenly Father,
thank You for Your guidance.
Forgive me for getting ahead
of Your plans.
Help me know when to stop and
listen for Your direction...
Ouch! [groaning]
[ethereal music playing]
-Bernie Christian.
-Jesus Christ.
How is this even poss--
-Speak, my son.
Speak!
-Yes, sir.
I'm sorry to ask, but
I don't know what to do.
I'm starting to hear all these
strange voices inside my head.
[Jesus] Say no more,
Bernie Christian.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall receive mercy.
-Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.
What I don't understand,
though...
Jesus?
Jesus?
Jesus?
[winces] God.
-[Eva] Where are we going?
-Here we go.
Here we go.
-Where are you taking me?
-Peace and quiet's
on the way.
[Eva] What?
No, I don't want to go!
-Stay calm.
[Sarah] Dad?
Dad?
I don't feel so good.
-Yeah, I think
I'm just gonna stay here
and hang out with Igor
a little bit.
-No, with us
out of the way,
Piotr and his sons can fix
everything that much faster.
The sooner we get back to
normal, the better,
so we're gonna go
visit Aunt Mary.
Isn't that great?
-That's a
14-hour drive, Dad.
-Well, I think...
-God damn!
Fucking Christ!
God fucking damn it!
[Adam] Mom, stop it! Mom!
Hey, look what you're doing,
Dad!
Fuck.
[Angel barking]
-I'm staying, okay.
-Dad,
what's wrong with me?
-I don't know.
Guys, us Christians
have to stick together.
If we do that, everything's
gonna be just fine.
[Officer Jack] Just gonna
check on the Christian family.
It's probably nothing.
-I promise.
[knocks on door]
-Hey there, folks.
Lovely weather we're having,
don't you think?
-Well...
[Officer Jack] Is everything
going okay in here?
Thought I heard maybe...
-[gun fired]
-Ah!
[all gasping]
[body thuds]
-[Piotr spits]
[speaking in Russian]
[Bernie mumbles in fear]
[Sarah]
He just shot Officer Jack.
[door closes, locks]
-You were going to move me
out of my own house
for a couple of workers?
-What, um...?
-[Eva] Your sick wife?
How could you fucking do that?
[Piotr] Hey!
Shut up your face.
Take tool and work.
-Work?
-We leave
when we find it.
-Find... find what?
-Aah!
-[whacks head with rifle]
-[high pitch ringing]
[hammer pounding]
-[Eva sobbing]
I can't take it anymore.
[Bernie] Just put your shoulder
into it, honey.
I'm sure Piotr will find
what he needs real soon.
-No, Bernie.
I can't do us anymore.
-Why--? Why?
-I don't love you
anymore, Bernie.
[gun cocks]
[hammer pounding]
-[Sarah retches]
I think I'm pregnant.
[stomach growling]
-But...
it is not possible.
-But I really think so.
[hammer pounding]
-[Bernie] Eve?
-[Eva groans]
-Eva!
No, no, no, no.
It's fine.
It's fine.
She just needs one of these.
-[Piotr] Work!
-[Bernie] Sure.
-Open.
[Eva moans]
[Piotr coughing]
-Piotr, are you okay?
[Piotr coughing]
-Piotr, are you okay?
-What?
-[lighter clicks]
[Eva] What, he...?
He seemed sick.
[Angel barking]
[Bernie] Angel, no! Angel!
-Let him.
[Angel barking in the distance]
-Smells.
-Smells what?
-[Piotr] Dog.
-Smells--
-[Piotr] Dog.
Up.
Biro, up!
Biro!
Up!
[Bernie straining]
-[Piotr] Hey!
-[Bernie grunts]
[lashes thrown with belt]
-Faster!
-[whipping continues]
-[Bernie grunts]
[whipping continues]
[groans]
Jesus.
Oh, Jesus, thank God.
Thank God, why is
all this happening?
-The Lord works
in mysterious ways, my son.
-He does.
He really does.
Feels like I failed you,
but I thought
I did everything right.
I tried to be
a good Christian.
I mean, the best.
I put you first even...
even before my own family,
if I'm being honest.
So, please tell me Lord,
why do they suffer so now?
-I died for your sins,
Bernie Christian.
I am the answer
to your problems.
-Thank you.
Thank you, Jesus.
Who... what was the answer?
-I am.
God created me as the answer
to all problems.
-Oh, right.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
I still don't get it.
What do you--
what do you mean exactly?
-We need to come
to the sanctuary of God
to get all of our answers.
Sanctuary of God
is in your spirit
and in the church.
-Right. Yeah,
we go there every Sunday.
I-- I never missed
a service before today.
So? [scoffs]
-Well, you need to
turn to your spirit.
-My wife
doesn't love me anymore.
My daughter's
having premarital sex,
and my son is a junkie.
How do you explain that?
-You need to turn
to your spirit--
-Bullshit.
Bullshit!
-And experience
the division--
-[interrupts]
Can't you just give me
a straight goddamn answer?
I didn't mean to say--
please don't go, Jesus.
Jesus!
-[Piotr] Work!
-[Bernie grunts]
-[Piotr] Fuck!
-[doorbell rings]
-[siren wailing]
[banging on door]
-[Adam laughs]
[banging on door]
Oh, fuck! [laughs]
[Officer Johnson] Open up.
This is the police. Open up.
[Adam laughing]
[Piotr] Hey.
[Officer Johnson]
Open up right now.
Hello?
[Igor and Adam laughing]
[Officer Johnson]
Okay, last chance.
Open the door and come out
with your hands up.
[into radio] This is
Officer Johnson checking in.
There's no sign of
Officer Jack at the Christians.
There's a lot of blood
on the front door,
but nobody seems to be home.
We're going to check out
the neighborhood.
-No! Help us!
-[gun fired]
-[Bernie grunts]
[Officer Johnson]
Shots fired. Shots fired.
I need backup now.
[Bernie groaning]
[heavy thuds]
-No touch.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[Officer Johnson]
Is everybody okay in there?
-Ow.
[Officer Johnson] I said,
is everybody okay in there?
[Bernie groans]
[Officer Johnson]
Well, don't worry,
backup is on the way.
[Piotr]
Come here, fucking pig!
-We're never gonna
make it out of here alive.
[Piotr] Shoot you in the vest!
-Never, never,
never, never, never.
[tablet container pops]
[gun cocks]
[man] [VO] Kill them all.
[tablets clatter]
-Lord, forgive me
for what I'm about to do.
Thank you.
[suspenseful music playing]
[cork pops]
[liquor looping]
-What? Fuck.
-I'm sorry, sir.
I'm so sorry, sir.
Please. I'm sorry.
-No touch vodka.
Never.
[kick thrown]
-[Bernie groaning]
-[Piotr snoring]
-[Bernie groaning]
[floor creaking]
[strains]
[wood creaks loudly]
Come on.
We got to get up.
Here we go.
Come on. Here we go.
[bed rolling]
[table sliding]
Okay.
Okay.
Here we go. [strains]
Why don't you start
tying sheets together, okay?
[straining hard]
[clanks]
Oh, gosh darn,
that's a splinter.
[Sarah] Dad?
What are you doing?
-[inhaling rapidly]
-I'm getting us
out of here, sweetheart.
[groans] That...
that's still in there.
[Eva] Um... where are my pills?
Has anybody see my pills?
-I think
you've had enough pills...
-[Sarah retches]
Dad, is this normal?
[Bernie] I don't know,
sweetheart.
Can you ask Mom?
[Sarah] Mom's not here, Dad.
She's never here,
and if I ask you,
you just quote
that stupid book.
You guys are useless.
-Adam,
what's going on here?
-You don't even care
how I feel.
You talk more to Jesus
than your own son.
-Sweetheart,
can you help me?
-No, goddamnit.
Who takes care of all of us?
-Oh, well.
[scoffs] I think we--
we both have our roles.
-[Sarah] I'm gonna see
if Dmitri's okay.
-No! Sarah, please.
[shatters and clatters]
Have you guys gone crazy?
Hey.
Don't...
Just give me the pills back.
-Aaah.
[laughing]
[Bernie] Y'all gone crazy?
[hyperventilating]
[peeing]
[moans]
[low voice]
Kill them all.
[normal voice] This is not
how you were raised,
Bernie Christian.
[low voice]
Kill them all.
[normal voice] Let all
bitterness and wrath
and anger be set aside.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice]
Be kind to one another.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice] Tenderhearted.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice] Forgiving.
[low voice] Kill them all.
[normal voice]
As God in Christ forgave you.
Piotr.
I forgive you.
[hits head with a rifle]
[brooding music playing]
[groaning]
[brooding music continues]
[song playing]
[song playing]
-Igor, I... I wasn't...
-[slap thrown]
-[clanking]
[Piotr] You must give son,
not fuck son.
[spits]
[speaking in Russian]
[Angel barking]
-Come.
[intense music playing]
[hammer pounding]
[speaking in Russian]
[Angel barking]
-That's a good girl.
That's a good dog.
-Just rat?
-Just a rat.
[speaking in Russian]
-No!
[gun fired]
[crying hard]
[emotional music playing]
[siren wailing,
helicopter flying]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
This is the F.B.I.
Open up, asshole!
[Eva groans]
-Fuck, F.B.I.!
Go, or I shoot this
mother bitch in face!
-Suck dick,
fucking sons of fucks!
[rapid gunfire]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Take cover! Take cover!
-My father
not go back jail!
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Stay calm, guys.
We're just here to help.
Is anyone hurt?
-I let hostage go,
you give airplane Russia!
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Stay calm.
-If no,
I shoot hostage dead.
I start with this whore.
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
No, guys.
[rapid gunfire]
Take cover!
Hold your fire.
Stay calm in there, guys.
-You have one hour, asshole guy!
-You're leaving?
-[punch thrown]
-[Eva groaning]
-Shut face, dirty slut.
We go back to motherland.
With the whole family.
[Piotr coughing]
[rapid gunfire]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Eva] I love you.
So, I wanna come with you.
-[Bernie sobbing]
No!
[siren wailing outside]
-Adam?
[emotional music playing]
-[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-[gun fired]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[Igor speaking in Russian]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[door opens]
[Adam] Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck, go on. Go on.
Please, go on.
Fuck, fuck.
Fuck! Come on.
[Igor] Hey.
-[Adam panting]
Why do you listen to your dad?
He hates you, man.
-I sorry I kiss you.
I think we have
something special
after we smoked high together.
-Oh, fuck. [coughs]
[groaning]
That's okay... I was...
I was just looking for
something else, you know.
[panting]
When's the alien coming back?
[groans]
-He never come back.
I only saw him one time.
First time I got high.
He never come back. I sorry.
-No.
[sobs] No.
-I just want to
make Papa proud.
I just want to make Papa proud.
I can't.
[gun fired]
-[muffled groan]
[Igor speaking in Russian]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Eva groans]
-You commie son of a bitch.
-Ah.
[Angel's body thuds]
-[Piotr spits]
[speaking in Russian]
[rapid gunfire, siren wailing]
[tires screeching]
[car window shatters]
[speaking in Russian]
[Nadia groans]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Nadia grunting]
[baby crying]
-[speaking in Russian]
[siren wailing]
[baby crying]
-Aah!
[speaking in Russian]
[siren wailing]
[tires screeching]
[siren wailing]
[speaking in Russian]
[car door opens, closes]
Ah.
[car door opens, closes]
[Nadia speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[rapid gunfire]
[siren wailing]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[siren wailing]
-[speaking in Russian]
[pounding]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen]
Put your hands up.
-[speaking in Russian]
-Hands up, asshole!
She's dead.
-No, you fuck!
[Agent Janssen] Look at me.
Fucking look at me!
You know the cop
you just killed?
He was my partner.
-All pigs deserve to die.
-You fuck!
[police officer] Janssen? No!
[Agent Janssen]
You communist cop killer fuck!
[police officer]
No, he's not worth it!
-He fucking killed Winslow!
[police officer]
He's not worth it!
[Agent Janssen]
I'll be waiting for you.
I fucking promise!
[Piotr laughing maniacally]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Bernie groans]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[laughing]
[speaking in Russian]
[sighs]
[speaking in Russian]
-You sick fuck.
-Nadia must be
not alone in cemetery.
Family be together.
[emotional music playing]
[rubble bag rips off]
Nadia.
[Eva moaning]
[woman vocalizing]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[moaning, kissing]
-Eve? Darling?
Eve!
[moaning]
-Mom?
-Shut up, woman!
-[slaps hard]
-[Sarah groans]
[Piotr and Eva moaning]
-Oh!
Eve, no!
-No! Stop!
-[Bernie] No!
-[Eva] Piotr, no! Ow!
-Eve!
-[Eva] Bernie!
Bernie!
No!
-[Piotr strains]
-[Eva groans]
Piotr, stop!
-[screams angrily]
[panting]
It's all right.
I get it.
You can only do so much, right?
Right?
-Ah, yes.
-I devoted
my whole life to you.
-I know.
-[Bernie chuckles]
I... sure... I... maybe
I took it a little bit too far
once or twice but...
I needed you to stay sane.
You get that, right?
-There's so many of you.
Don't get me wrong,
I appreciate each and every
single one of you, but I can't--
-[interrupts] Can't do
everything for everyone.
Yeah. I mean, I get it.
I get that.
That'd be crazy.
You're not Santa Claus.
You guys got a lot
on your plate with...
birth control and homosexuals.
Pedophiles.
[Jesus] Yes, absolutely.
There is a lot to unpack there.
[Bernie]
There is a lot to unpack.
-Yes.
-There's a lot to unpack.
[Jesus]
I'm working it.
I'm doing my best, son.
-And that's all a man can do.
That's all a man can do.
-Amen, right.
-[sighs] Amen.
I wanna thank you for giving me
a little bit of time on my own.
I needed some time to think,
just to work a few things out,
so thank you, Jesus.
-Nah.
No, don't thank me.
I'm... I'm sorry.
I should have been
there for you,
and I hope you can
forgive me for that.
-Hey, I forgive you.
-Thank you, Bernie.
-You're welcome.
Hey, you gonna use
your magic... [laughs]
Help me off of this thing.
-Yeah, that's right.
You know, trust me,
it's bad for your lower back
after a little while.
You wanna be--
-[Bernie] Ah!
Ah!!
[Jesus screaming in pain]
-Fuck you, Jesus Christ.
[Eva] No. No!
[groaning]
[Bernie] Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill... them... all.
[grunting]
[nails clank]
[Eva] No! No!
-[Piotr grunting]
[screaming]
[face sizzles]
-[speaking in Russian]
[strikes mop]
-Hello, love.
-Hi, Bernie.
-[cloth ripped off]
-[Eva moans]
[glass shatters]
Shit!
-You little prick.
[gun cocks]
[both grunting]
[gun fired]
-No!
[thuds]
[tense music]
[gun fired]
[grunting]
[blood splatters]
[bottle shattering]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Are the hostages okay?
Are the hostages okay?
Does anyone need
medical attention?
[Piotr]
Medical attention, no.
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
All right, stay calm.
Stay calm. We've got it.
There's an unmarked car
for you in the driveway.
The tank is full, and we
already notified the airport.
-And airplane?
Asshole guy?
[Agent Janssen] [over megaphone]
Working on it, as we speak.
All right, guys,
what do you think?
What do you think?
-We hear you fuckers!
We go outside! You go back!
-Hey, you, come with us.
-[gun cocks]
-Go! Go!
Go!
-[Eva] Why?
Why do you need us to come?
You already have what you want.
-You think
we trust asshole FBI.
Of course not, stupid.
You are insurance.
Let's go, Momma.
Go!
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[Igor crying]
[Piotr] Ah, shut the fuck up
in the face.
We go. We go.
[speaking in Russian]
-[crying angrily] No, no!
-[Sarah] No, Mom!
-[Eva] No!
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
-Fuck!
[Eva squeals]
[Piotr] You want stay?
You can stay. No problem.
Forever.
-[gun cocks]
-[Dmitri] Papa, no.
-[Bernie whistles]
He's right.
My family is staying
right the fuck where they are.
[game theme music plays]
[flame crackles]
[ethereal choral singing]
-Noooo!
[gun fired]
[bullet ricochets]
[punch thrown]
[body thuds]
[gun cocks]
[gun fired]
[Dmitri groans]
[body thuds]
[ethereal choral
singing continues]
[Bernie] Scieeeeence
Mothafuckaaaaas!
[loud explosion, glass shatters]
-[Eva groaning]
[coughing]
-[distant thud]
-[Eva gasps]
[flames crackling]
[straining, groaning]
-Mom.
[sobs]
-Hi, baby.
[Adam coughing]
[Eva] Baby. Baby.
-He's dead. He's dead.
Dad's dead.
[crying]
[Eva] He died for our sins.
-We gotta go.
We have to get out of here.
-Yeah.
-That's what
he would've wanted. Come on.
[Eva sobbing]
-[gun cocks]
-[FBI Agent 1] Christians,
we're here to get you out.
Come over here, please.
[Sarah] Look.
Mom.
It's over. It's all over.
[Eva sobbing]
Come.
-[gun cocks]
-[Eva gasps]
[FBI Agent 1] Calm down, sir.
Let the hostages go.
[Piotr] Fuck you!
The fuck.
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
-They're too many.
-[speaking in Russian]
-[speaking in Russian]
-[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[FBI Agent 1] Don't do it, sir.
[Piotr speaking in Russian]
[sliding stone rolling]
-Bernard.
-Let it be known
on this day,
Bernie Christian
rose from the fucking dead.
It's Easter, motherfuckers.
And I'm the motherfucking
Easter Bunny.
Now get the fuck
out of my house!
-You destroy me family,
you motherfuck!
-[gun fired]
-[FBI agent groans]
[FBI Agent 2]
Shots fired! Shots fired!
-[rapid gunfire]
-[FBI Agent 2] Take cover!
Man down.
[rapid gunfire,
bullets ricocheting]
-Papa.
[rapid gunfire]
-Aaaahhh!
[rapid gunfire continues]
[FBI agent groans]
[rapid gunfire continues]
-Help!
[rapid gunfire continues]
[audience screaming in panic]
[FBI agent groans]
[rapid gunfire continues]
[Dmitri panting]
-[speaking in Russian]
[melancholic choral music]
[rapid gunfire continues]
[FBI Agent grunts]
[bullets clank]
[rapid gunfire continues]
[FBI Agent grunts]
[rifle thuds]
[slap thrown]
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen]
Easy there, Piotr.
I've waited
such a long time for this.
By escaping prison, you made it
so much easier for me.
'Cause here you are.
So, thanks.
-[speaking in Russian]
[Agent Janssen]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've killed your wife.
Comes with the territory, right?
But Officer Winslow
was a good man.
True American.
Real family man, you know.
With such a cheerful wife.
She blamed me for his death.
And she was right.
I should have protected him.
He was my partner.
My best friend.
My family.
-It's not my problem.
[Agent Janssen]
No, you're right, it's not.
I'm just here to
keep my promise.
And what do you know, no more
colleagues left to stop me--
[rapid gunfire]
[body thuds]
[Bernie] I don't think
the police can help.
This is a family matter.
Down.
-Fuck you.
-[Bernie laughs]
-[rapid gunfire]
-[Piotr groaning]
[speaking in Russian]
Only couple weeks left.
No doctor, no can help.
Only wanted to die motherland.
The rest of family grave.
There's all family together.
-Oh.
[gun cocks]
-[Piotr moaning]
[mumbling in Russian]
[speaking in Russian]
-[blows off dust]
Hello. [laughs]
See you around, buddy.
What's that you say?
You missed him. [laughs]
-No, no.
Bernard, no.
No. Bernard.
-Here we go.
-No. [grunting in pain]
[Bernie moaning]
-So sorry
for everything, honey.
-Oh. I'm sorry too,
darling.
I love you. [chuckles]
[Piotr groans]
[Igor groaning]
[Dmitri speaking in Russian]
[Piotr grunting in pain]
Help.
[grunting in pain]
[emotional music playing]
-[speaking in Russian]
-Jesus is inside you now.
[Piotr grunting]
-What's with the accent?
-I have absolutely no idea.
-It's hot.
-[chuckles]
Ooh la-la-la.
-[loud crack]
-[Eva gasps]
[Adam] Aaaahh!
-Adam, no!
[Adam] Aaaahh!
Aaaahh! Oh, God!
[screaming in pain]
Oh, fuck!
Oh, motherfucker!
-Fucking hell.
[Adam grunting in pain]
[Sarah] Oh, fuck.
-Relax, breathe.
-No. Fuck off, asshole!
[retches]
-I so sorry, Sarah.
I'm so sorry I hit you.
I-- see, I not know better.
Because I was raised
Russian way.
[Sarah retches]
-I will change.
I can change for you.
Yes?
I'm not like Papa.
[Adam groaning in pain]
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go.
Feel better?
Hey, you feel better?
[alien talking]
-Hey.
-Hey.
[Sarah retches]
-Yes, good!
Let it out!
[Sarah retches]
-Yes, Sarah.
You're so pretty.
Breathe.
You can do.
Go on, yes.
Yes, Sarah.
[alien crooning]
-Missed you.
-I missed you too, buddy.
I missed you too.
-Hey, hey.
[alien crooning]
-[Adam laughs]
Oh, fuck. [laughs]
[Dmitri] You can do, Sarah.
You can do, Sarah.
Go on, yes.
Whoo, breathe.
-[Sarah groans]
[sighing in relief]
Hey.
Hi. Oh.
-Beautiful.
-Oh.
[Dmitri] like her mother.
[Sarah chuckles]
-Congratulations.
I'm so proud of you.
And you.
You better take good care
of them both.
-I promise... Papa.
-Seriously,
'cause if you fuck this up,
I'm gonna kill you.
[laughs]
She looks just like
my Eager Beaver.
-Oh, I love you, Dad.
[Bernie laughing]
-My granddaughter.
-[chuckles]
Excuse me one second.
-Family
is the most important...
[Bernie] Aghhh!
[denture slides]
Christians!
[cross thuds loudly]
[electric buzzes]
Hmmm.
Oh gosh, what a mess.
You guys,
you are the most important
thing in my life.
Nothing should be
more important.
Not... experimenting
with science.
Boys.
Or work.
-[bell rings]
-[cross thudding]
-Or this fucking guy.
Look, I'm never
gonna give you up.
I'm never gonna let you down.
-Are--
are you quoting Rick Astley?
-Nope.
-Mom, are you okay?
-Mom!
-[Bernie shushes]
Just watch.
[clatters]
[clattering, shattering]
Wow.
Nature sure is
a beautiful thing.
Excuse me.
[scrubbing]
Hey.
Lovely job, darling.
[kissing passionately]
-[Eva squeals]
-[plate shatters]
[Bernie] Oh, fucking hell.
Oh, God.
[moaning]
-Hey, baby.
-Aww! Hi, darling.
-Life is full of surprises
[Bernie] Oh.
-Each day something new
Doing the best we can
Is all we know how to do
-Hey, come on. Come on.
-You and me and the family
-You're part of
this crazy house now.
-We may be do things
A little bit differently
Let the neighbors talk
It doesn't matter much to me
We'll still be here
Another year
Cause I know our love
Will see us through
Oh we might not
Quite fit the mold
But we always
Find the smile
To share
And the hand to hold
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[Krazy House music playing]
[Bernie laughing]
-All our dreams intertwining
Under one roof
Anything is possible
I guess we're living proof
-You and me
-[all exclaiming]
It's safe to say
-[Bernie] Sorry.
-Our crazy love
Will find a way
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
Making our way
One step at a time
Sticking together
Right down the line
Shaking it up
We're living the life
It's a Krazy House
[Adam farts]
-Krazy House
It's a Krazy House
Our home sweet home
[Krazy House music playing]
[Sarah] Yay! [giggles]
[static crackles]
[squirrel] Jesus.