Kung Fu (2004) Movie Script
###
INSPECTOR CHAN
MAN SCREAMING
GLASS SHATTERING
MAN GRUNTING
SUPER CRIME FIGHTERS
Anyone else?
Such a beautiful woman,
and you arrest her
just for spitting?
Is there no justice?
Is there no law?
Commissioner is only your boss
because he paid his dues
to the Crocodile Gang.
And you don't fucking know me?
Sorry, I didn't know
she was your wife.
Ugly coward!
SCREAMING
What are you looking at?
Never seen such
a handsome gang boss?
Who'd be in
the film business?
It's Sunday,
and the theatre's deserted.
WOMAN:
Where's the car?
RUMBLING IN DISTANCE
###
Let's go back inside!
Call for help!
No need for that,
Northerner.
While you were messing
with the cop, your men
signed up with us.
I'll kill all you
Axe Gangsters!
GUNSHOTS
GRUNTING
SCREAMING
###
Stop! You forget the time
I treated you to dinner.
Brother Sum.
Please...
Please spare me.
Don't worry.
I don't kill women.
You can go!
Thank you, Big Brother.
GUNSHO
###
Cops! Come clean up the mess!
THE AXE GANG
In a time of social unrest
and disorder...
In a time of social unrest
and disorder...
...the gangs have moved in
to consolidate their power.
The most feared of them all
is the Axe Gang.
Only in the poorest districts,
which hold no interest for the gangs...
...can people live in peace.
PIG STY ALLEY
###
CHATTERING
MAN:
One, two, three!
That okay, Coolie?
No problem!
TAILOR
NOODLES AND CONGEE
BURPS
My check, please, Donut.
How much?
It's on the house!
Donut.
It's nothing.
I like you.
I'll ask the wife about
lowering your rent.
Morning, Landlord!
Landlord!
Jill! How you've grown!
Come let me examine you!
CHILDREN LAUGHING
Good to see you, Landlord!
What's so good about it?
Don't!
BOTH LAUGHING
Can you make
the skirt slit higher?
Sure!
Look, a comet!
Jane! You naughty girl!
Landlord! You're such a scoundrel!
Don't go, Jane!
Stay and chat!
I'm only kidding. Jane!
Landlady!
Landlady!
What happened to the water?
FOOTSTEPS
Water ain't free!
You talk a lot for someone
who won't pay his rent.
But I'm in the middle
of a shampoo.
You think that's a problem?
From now on,
no water on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.
Water ration Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays.
I just love hearing you fools
complain. Assholes!
Good morning, Landlady!
Just pay your rent,
or I'll burn your shop down.
MAN LAUGHING
What's so funny?
Rent's no laughing matter, fairy!
Serves you right, you're a coolie!
Months overdue
and not even
a "good morning."
You'll be a coolie for life.
There you go, handsome!
What took you so long
with the congee?
I stopped to help
an old lady cross
the street.
What are you doing here?
Checking for Peeping Toms.
Was someone just spying
on you, Auntie Six?
Don't shoot your mouth
off without proof.
She's crazy.
CHICKEN CLUCKING
THUMPING
LANDLORD GRUNTING
CHATTERING
Go away!
###
CHILDREN CHATTERING
CHILD:
Please can you
teach us, sir?
No more soccer!
CRYING
Who wants the cut?
My boss.
Take a seat.
SCISSORS SNIPPING
Done! Fifty cents, please.
Isn't it great?
It's too good!
Why'd you make
him look so good?
Why?
Don't get mad, boss.
He's my old buddy.
I'll handle this.
He's boss of the Axe Gang.
Don't you see the two axes?
We're bad guys.
Making him look good
is really bad. Understand?
I didn't know.
You're a numskull!
But I like you,
so just pay me,
and I'll take care of it.
No way!
Steady with the axe, boss.
Let me talk to him.
I really care for you.
You saw it for yourself.
Seriously.
Why don't you pay up.
Not much. Enough
for a drink.
Oh, so it's blackmail!
Boss!
Boss!
SNORING
Now you're dead!
Looks like he's waking up!
I'm not afraid.
You can kill me.
But there'll be
thousands more of me!
You want to play tough?
The Axe Gang boss
is napping in there.
Whoever wants to die,
step forward.
So you want to fight?
Great! We'll go one-on-one.
Don't even think about cheating.
That old woman with the onion!
You look real tough.
Want to try me? I'll let
you hit me first.
What do you do?
I'm a farmer.
Farmers don't fight.
Piss off!
He's crazy!
Calling me names?
You're lucky you're a woman.
Hey, shorty! Yeah, you!
If you're short, you don't retort.
What did I say about cheating?
Sit back down!
You! The geezer with the
glasses. You look mean.
No, not you. I mean...
You!
Hey, kid, let's rumble!
All right, all right!
So no one-on-ones today.
You're all such wimps!
He blackmailed me.
Fat woman, you're
in charge here, right?
Fat woman, my ass!
I'm with the Axe Gang!
Axe Gang, my ass!
Boss!
LANDLAD Y:
Boss, my ass!
You have to pay our medical bills!
Bills, my ass!
We're on the same side!
Same side, my ass!
LANDLAD Y GRUNTS
Think you're so tough?
I'll call for backup!
You nitwit! Let's see
you call backup!
You don't know the backup I have.
I'm talking an army here.
EXPLOSION
Don't you go away! Go put
a down payment on your coffin!
###
Who threw the firecracker?
I'm one of you, brother.
Mind your own business!
It's raining. Go bring
in your laundry!
Fat woman!
You blackmailing me too?
I ain't afraid.
Huh?
I...
PUNCHING & GRUNTING
Did anyone see
what happened?
Don't! My back's broken!
Call for help!
MUSIC PLAYING
ON RECORD PLAYER
POUNDING
MAN SHOUTING
###
Hold on, calm down.
You hungry?
MAN:
Keep quiet.
GURGLING
WOMAN:
No.
CRYING
MUTED SOUND
Who did this?
I'll count to three.
###
One...
two...
I did it!
SCREAMING
GRUNTING & SCREAMING
WHIMPERING
Are the goods okay,
Brother Sum?
Sorry!
Look away, kid.
Get rid of him!
We're the bad guys!
We're meant to do
the ass-kicking...
not the other way around.
And it's all because these
morons posed as Axes.
Don't waste your time,
Brother Sum.
We'll handle this.
You! Take care of it.
###
Boy, can this guy pick locks.
It's a living. Give me a break.
Pick that one too,
if you're so good.
Come.
I'll count to three.
Hurry!
Ready? Three!
BROTHER SUM:
That's quick!
Brother Sum, we really
want to be Axes.
That's why we did
what we did.
Give us a chance.
Ever killed anyone?
I've always
thought about it.
Then go kill someone.
I will!
Go on!
Thank you, Brother Sum.
We can always find
a use for that type.
###
SING: I told you before,
you've got to look tough.
Tougher!
SING'S SIDEKICK GROWLS
Tougher!
GROWLING
Act the part.
And try to stay awake.
It's tiring being tough.
Tiring? It's our living!
SING:
The streets out there are filled
with money and women.
You only need the will
and determination
to seize the opportunity to win.
This is our big chance!
We just kill someone,
and we're in the gang.
Then it'll be money
and women all the way!
Don't be like those beggars
with no ambition.
###
Who are you
looking at, four-eyes?
I'll smash your glasses!
Get lost!
Come here and say that!
You're really gonna kill someone?
That's right!
The four-eyes, the fat woman
and all the residents of Pig Sty.
But they're good at kung fu.
I can do kung fu!
Oh, yeah?
SNICKERS
Didn't I tell you I know
Buddhist Palm kung fu?
MAN: Hey there,
handsome boy. Stop.
Amazing!
Do you know you
have a special aura?
You're so young,
but you have
the bone structure
and chi flow
of a kung-fu genius.
If your chi flow
can be channelled,
then you will be invincible!
Like the old saying:
You cannot escape your destiny.
The duty of upholding
world peace and punishing
evil will be yours.
Sure.
This is the scroll of the
Buddhist Palm. It's priceless.
But as it's fate,
I'll let you have it for $10.
###
BUDDHIST PALM MANU AL
You gave him your life savings?
Yes.
I was saving to study to be
a doctor or lawyer,
but this was world peace.
CHATTERING
SING:
Let go of the girl!
Hey! It's the Buddhist Palm!
"The 20-Cent Kung Fu Manual."
CHILDREN LAUGHING
You must be loaded.
Have you killed anyone lately?
He's a fool,
and she's mute.
Losers!
I realized then that good guys
never win. I want to be bad.
I want to be the killer!
Ice cream!
Where?
Make mine a vanilla.
Chocolate for me!
###
What're you looking at?
Never seen free
ice cream before?
Look at her run!
LAUGHING
You're such kung-fu masters,
go take it on the road.
You belong
in the circus, not here!
Don't say that, Landlady.
There must be
a reason they're here.
Everyone has
his reasons.
We don't want
to make trouble.
I'm glad you get it.
The mob's mad at us.
We'll never hear the end of it.
Why don't you get lost!
Your wife shouldn't be so nasty.
MOANS
You okay?
WOMAN:
Masters.
We have nothing
precious to give you,
but take this as a token
of our appreciation.
Thanks for saving us!
LANDLAD Y:
Stop the crying.
This isn't a show!
You're so cold-hearted.
Talking back to me, eh?
You may know kung fu,
but you're still a fairy.
CRYING
It's no crime to be
good at kung fu!
Once a fairy,
always a fairy.
Look at you. What's with
the red underwear?
Why not a diaper
while you're at it.
J ANE:
What's wrong
with red underwear?
Where were you
when there was trouble?
If it weren't for them,
we'd be finished.
Be reasonable!
I'll reason with you.
You owe me three
months' rent. That's $90.
Pay up or pack up!
Don't you worry. I'll pay it.
Think you're a smartass,
Rabbit-Tooth Jane?
What's it to you,
tub of lard?
Bitch!
Calm down, Landlady.
This is your fault.
PEOPLE SHOUTING
MAN 1: Are you trying to kill us?
MAN 2: You're right.
MAN 3:
How could you do that?
Shut the hell up!
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
GLASS SHATTERS
You think you can out-yell me?
The fat lady can really sing.
Watch this!
###
What happened?
What do you mean,
what happened? You try it.
Me?
Quick!
Sorry! You okay?
I think you should get closer
and take better aim. Okay?
Okay!
Who's throwing the handles?
Handle?
Where's the third knife?
God knows where it went.
Could it be the
same one? Can't be...
Don't!
Sorry.
What are you trying to say?
I just remembered I have
something to do. See you!
Uh-oh. They've seen us!
Stay back!
Don't panic! Snakes like music.
If I whistle, they won't bite.
Please, no more bright ideas.
HISSING
Oh, what the hell!
WHISTLES
GASPS
Not you again, asshole!
MAN:
Get back to your business!
Split up!
Split?
###
WHIRRING
HORN HONKING
THUD
###
TYRES SCREECHING
WOMEN SCREAM
POUNDING
What're you doing here?
Looking for you.
Weren't you hurt?
I'm fine!
How come you always
recover so fast?
I don't know.
Which hospital did you go to?
Don't remember.
Maybe it's better that way.
Memories can be painful.
To forget may be a blessing!
I never knew
you were so deep.
All the sadness
one can bear...
down the river everywhere.
Hey, get out of the way!
SING'S SIDEKICK:
Move!
SING:
I'll slap you
to kingdom come!
Look at those four-eyes
carting around a coffin.
What morons!
LANDLAD Y:
Don't blame me
for making you leave.
We'll let Buddha decide
BELL TOLLING
whether you stay
or go.
HORRIFICALLY BAD FATE
Have some tea.
We're grateful for
some professional help.
We understand the problem.
Twelve Kicks from the Tam School,
Iron Fist from the Hung School
and the Hexagon Staff...
Those guys at Pig Sty
are really good.
HARPIST 2:
Their warrior days
are long over,
but they're still top fighters.
This job is a great
challenge for us.
Now, that's professionalism.
Number One Killers.
Expensive, yes,
but worth every penny!
No! Number one is the Beast,
the world's top killer.
HARPIST 2:
He was so dedicated to kung fu,
he went crazy.
I heard he's now in an asylum.
So you're the
top killers now.
Strictly speaking,
we're just musicians.
A song that wrenches the heart
O where do I find a knowing ear?
Great poem, isn't it?
###
We'll be saying
goodbye soon.
Who knows when we'll
see each other again.
We're three of a kind.
Wish we'd known before.
Let's take this opportunity
to spar a little.
No. We still have
a lot to pack.
You're right.
###
Twelve Kicks of the Tam School!
Superb attack and defence!
Iron Fist: powerful yet
delicate. Top-notch!
Hexagon Staff, with its
thousand moves. Mystical!
ALL:
Till we meet again!
SHOUTS
CLATTERING & CAT SCREECHING
MUSIC PLAYING
ON RECORD PLAYER
LANDLAD Y:
More lipstick!
INDISTINCT CHATTERING
Stay there,
or I'll break you in half.
###
###
JINGLE
###
Sorry, we're closed.
You can make
a suit in no time.
We're moving.
This is good material!
You know your stuff.
This has high artistic value.
How high?
At least a few stories...
###
Insulting the Axe Gang!
We'll show them.
Let's kill them all and make
this place a brothel.
Don't block my view!
What's going on?
GRUNTING
Good!
Good!
Don't block my view!
Damn! I told those nitwits to leave,
but they're still here.
Really?
Yeah.
What the hell is this fighting?
Who'll pay for the damage?
Sorry, sorry. It's nothing!
COUGHS
You know what time it is?
I have to sleep.
Hey, fatso, eat shit and die!
Die? In this racket?
Sorry, sorry!
LAUGHS
Get out of my way!
Hang in there, Tailor.
LANDLAD Y:
Be quiet!
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
LANDLAD Y:
Give us a break!
Why push us so far?
There's another master?
###
GRUNTING
GROANING
SCREAMING
GRUNTING
It's the Lion's Roar!
I thought that was a myth.
Who knew the Lion's Roar
really exists?
That's the last
we'll see of them.
It's bad, Brother Sum.
Quick, start the car!
Start the car!
Boss!
Keep it down!
Have you no manners?
Get lost. People
are trying to sleep.
They have
to work tomorrow.
Get out of here!
Scumbags!
###
WOMEN SOBBING
DONUT:
I can't hang on much longer.
But having seen
real masters
like you...
I can now die in peace.
Don't say that.
We're ordinary folks.
Ordinary's a blessing.
Don't call us masters.
But you're such
great fighters!
If only you'd helped earlier,
they wouldn't have to die this way.
Like Donut said,
everyone has his reasons.
Years ago...
we saw our only son
killed in a fight.
Revenge can be devastating.
Do you understand?
Why don't you train us
to be top fighters
and we'll avenge them!
Becoming a top
fighter takes time.
Unless you're
a natural-born
kung-fu genius.
And they're one in a million.
GRUNTS
It's obvious I'm the one!
Don't think so.
Everyone! We swore
we'd never fight again.
But we broke that promise today.
For your own safety,
please all leave!
In great power
lies great responsibility.
There's no escaping from it.
Donut, you're hurt bad.
Rest now.
BABBLING
We can't understand
what you're saying.
Donut!
###
I know you, four-eyes!
You seem prejudiced against
the sight-challenged.
That's right. Especially
gold-framed four-eyes.
GRUNTING
HISSING
Gold frames
are perfect for clerks.
I think I look good.
So why keep
picking on me?
Help me!
GROWLING
"Help me! Help me!"
Want to play, punks?
The Dragon Style?
The Tiger Style?
Come down here,
and I'll smash your
glasses. Come on!
You know I'd do it, right?
Swear to it!
Swear!
Have you no respect?
Where were you
when I needed you?
BARKS
You sound like a wimp!
We always get beat!
We haven't gotten anywhere.
No killing, no arson,
no robberies, no rapes...
all because of you!
You're a numb-nut!
Follow me!
It's a stickup!
Where's the money?
Where's the money?
What're you looking at?
I'm serious!
I kill people for less!
Give me the money.
###
The money's in here.
SING AS A CHILD:
Let go of the girl!
He's a fool,
and she's mute.
Losers!
Go away!
You're dragging me down!
Go home and raise pigs.
Go, before I kill you.
BAND PLAYING MUSIC
MAN:
You! Whatsyourname!
Take this and get
some new clothes.
You're now an Axe!
For real?
Someone's waiting for you.
Brother Sum!
One look at you, and I knew
you'd do anything.
Right!
You just needed your chance.
Damn right!
We have an assignment for you.
Anything, Brother Sum!
###
SING:
"Research on abnormal people."
What's that?
A mental asylum.
ALARM BUZZING
Soldiers!
Boy Scouts!
SING:
Tanks!
ADVISOR:
No worries.
When the Boy Scouts
change shifts, you have
exactly five minutes.
Follow the arrows
on the map.
Go to the last cell
and get the man inside
there out. Here's your tools.
What about you guys?
We're your lookouts.
WIND WHISTLING
THUNDER RUMBLING
Five minutes. Hurry!
###
GASPS
GRUNTS
LOCK CLICKS
###
BROTHER SUM YAWNS
The world's top killer
indeed looks the part!
It's only a title.
Cut the bullshit.
We want two people killed.
Name your price.
Name my what?
I've killed so many
trying to find
a worthy adversary.
So far, I've never found one.
That's why I stayed inside.
Had I met my match,
I'd have been out long ago.
If you find me
a worthy opponent...
I'll do it for free.
No charge!
LAUGHING
Do you have someone?
Yes. Brilliant fighters
who are up to the challenge.
But first, will you
show us some moves?
Not that we don't trust you.
We want to see you in action.
You numskulls aren't worthy!
SNAPS FINGERS
He doesn't look the part.
The slippers are a little crappy.
But he'll clean up well.
You sure you
got the right guy?
Absolutely. I swear I did
exactly what you told me.
Please show us some
moves, Mr. Beast.
Don't make it hard for me!
You dumb or what?
You know what
this is, old man?
Ever seen a fist this big?
Don't force me to fight.
I scare myself when I fight!
Really? Try me, then.
Is he okay?
LAUGHING
So you say you can fight?
Harder!
GLASSES SHATTER
Harder!
Harder!
You hit like that
and call yourself a gangster?
A foreign gun!
GUNS COCKING
GUNSHO
###
In the world of kung fu,
speed defines the winner.
The Beast is the best of them all.
The Axe Gang extends its respect!
SCREAMING
The real masters,
together in one room!
Only the world's top killer
has such an aura.
BEAST:
Likewise.
Could you two be the fated lovers...?
Paris...
And Helen of Troy!
A pleasure, indeed.
We're here to deal
with the Axe Gang...
and only the Axe Gang.
BROTHER SUM LAUGHING
You should've killed me before.
Now you're committing suicide.
You're living on borrowed time.
You can't escape your fate!
What's this? A funeral bell?
SNICKERS
With the Beast here,
let's see whose funeral it is!
LANDLAD Y:
So you're on their side?
Don't get me wrong.
I only want to kill you...
or be killed by you.
LAUGHS
What do you think?
The good cannot coexist
with the bad. You can't
escape your destiny.
So be it. Let's do it.
Okay.
Let's do it!
###
Piece of cake. I can handle this.
BEAST CHUCKLING
Good try, but a little off target.
LAUGHING
###
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
The Lion's Roar?
GRUNTING & COUGHING
CHIMING
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
GLASS SHATTERING
SCREAMS
BEAST:
Wait!
I didn't know the Lion's Roar
could be done with a speaker!
What a blow!
GRUNTING
Looks like they're not up to it!
Let's get them while they're down.
You do it!
I'm gonna puke!
I need to see a doctor!
Go to hell!
You! Come over here.
Hit him!
Yes!
The head!
Of course!
Hit him on the head!
Okay.
Here's your chance.
Got it!
Hit him!
Hit him!
Hit the shit out of him!
Right!
Hit him!
Hit him!
Beat the shit out of him!
What're you doing?
You want me to hit him
or beat the shit out of him?
You're making me
very confused!
SCREAMING
###
Wow, that's a big fist!
Why did you hit me?
Where are they?
How could you
let them escape?
GASPING
No one gets away from me!
###
Why did he save us?
Young people make mistakes.
But at least he
finally made good.
Look at him!
Beaten to a pulp.
Do you have
any last requests?
Hey, wait!
Why don't you write
in Chinese?
I don't understand.
###
There's no one here!
CHINESE MEDICINE
It's a miracle
he lasted this long.
The herbs should help him.
Herbal medicine can
only partly help. The key
is his own body structure.
All his bones
and tendons are broken.
It's amazing he's
recovering so fast.
It can't be possible...
Unless he's...
###
BANDAGES SNAPPING
What's that smell?
ALL SCREAMING
###
SING:
You mustn't smoke
while you're hurt.
Let me handle this.
This makes no sense.
Who knew the Beast
could clear the chi flow
and thus unleash
the boy's true potential?
We should've guessed.
He is the one!
###
Is this for real?
You're still alive,
you turncoat?
Kill him, men!
What kind of move is that?
Kids' stuff!
###
If our son were alive,
he'd be his age now.
If he studies hard,
he could grow up to be
a doctor or lawyer.
A stuntman, more likely!
DINGING
THUNDER RUMBLING
Not bad. Let's go.
I can even stop bullets...
CROAKS
GRUNTS
LAUGHING
CROAKING
What? The Toad Style
of the Kwan Lun School?
Oh, no!
SCREAMING
BIRD SCREECHES
Remember the Palm move
that falls from heaven?
That's the long lost
Buddhist Palm.
###
SCREAMS
I surrender!
What kind of move was that?
If you want to learn,
I'll teach you.
CRYING
Master!
###
Hey! Tell him not
to put snot on the glass.
You two, put your pants on!
No licking
if you're not buying!
###
Kid, you have the bone
structure of a kung-fu genius.
World peace is in your
hands. Here's the scroll
of the Buddhist Palm.
Because it's fate,
I'll let you have it for $10.
Wait!
You want more...?
###
INSPECTOR CHAN
MAN SCREAMING
GLASS SHATTERING
MAN GRUNTING
SUPER CRIME FIGHTERS
Anyone else?
Such a beautiful woman,
and you arrest her
just for spitting?
Is there no justice?
Is there no law?
Commissioner is only your boss
because he paid his dues
to the Crocodile Gang.
And you don't fucking know me?
Sorry, I didn't know
she was your wife.
Ugly coward!
SCREAMING
What are you looking at?
Never seen such
a handsome gang boss?
Who'd be in
the film business?
It's Sunday,
and the theatre's deserted.
WOMAN:
Where's the car?
RUMBLING IN DISTANCE
###
Let's go back inside!
Call for help!
No need for that,
Northerner.
While you were messing
with the cop, your men
signed up with us.
I'll kill all you
Axe Gangsters!
GUNSHOTS
GRUNTING
SCREAMING
###
Stop! You forget the time
I treated you to dinner.
Brother Sum.
Please...
Please spare me.
Don't worry.
I don't kill women.
You can go!
Thank you, Big Brother.
GUNSHO
###
Cops! Come clean up the mess!
THE AXE GANG
In a time of social unrest
and disorder...
In a time of social unrest
and disorder...
...the gangs have moved in
to consolidate their power.
The most feared of them all
is the Axe Gang.
Only in the poorest districts,
which hold no interest for the gangs...
...can people live in peace.
PIG STY ALLEY
###
CHATTERING
MAN:
One, two, three!
That okay, Coolie?
No problem!
TAILOR
NOODLES AND CONGEE
BURPS
My check, please, Donut.
How much?
It's on the house!
Donut.
It's nothing.
I like you.
I'll ask the wife about
lowering your rent.
Morning, Landlord!
Landlord!
Jill! How you've grown!
Come let me examine you!
CHILDREN LAUGHING
Good to see you, Landlord!
What's so good about it?
Don't!
BOTH LAUGHING
Can you make
the skirt slit higher?
Sure!
Look, a comet!
Jane! You naughty girl!
Landlord! You're such a scoundrel!
Don't go, Jane!
Stay and chat!
I'm only kidding. Jane!
Landlady!
Landlady!
What happened to the water?
FOOTSTEPS
Water ain't free!
You talk a lot for someone
who won't pay his rent.
But I'm in the middle
of a shampoo.
You think that's a problem?
From now on,
no water on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.
Water ration Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays.
I just love hearing you fools
complain. Assholes!
Good morning, Landlady!
Just pay your rent,
or I'll burn your shop down.
MAN LAUGHING
What's so funny?
Rent's no laughing matter, fairy!
Serves you right, you're a coolie!
Months overdue
and not even
a "good morning."
You'll be a coolie for life.
There you go, handsome!
What took you so long
with the congee?
I stopped to help
an old lady cross
the street.
What are you doing here?
Checking for Peeping Toms.
Was someone just spying
on you, Auntie Six?
Don't shoot your mouth
off without proof.
She's crazy.
CHICKEN CLUCKING
THUMPING
LANDLORD GRUNTING
CHATTERING
Go away!
###
CHILDREN CHATTERING
CHILD:
Please can you
teach us, sir?
No more soccer!
CRYING
Who wants the cut?
My boss.
Take a seat.
SCISSORS SNIPPING
Done! Fifty cents, please.
Isn't it great?
It's too good!
Why'd you make
him look so good?
Why?
Don't get mad, boss.
He's my old buddy.
I'll handle this.
He's boss of the Axe Gang.
Don't you see the two axes?
We're bad guys.
Making him look good
is really bad. Understand?
I didn't know.
You're a numskull!
But I like you,
so just pay me,
and I'll take care of it.
No way!
Steady with the axe, boss.
Let me talk to him.
I really care for you.
You saw it for yourself.
Seriously.
Why don't you pay up.
Not much. Enough
for a drink.
Oh, so it's blackmail!
Boss!
Boss!
SNORING
Now you're dead!
Looks like he's waking up!
I'm not afraid.
You can kill me.
But there'll be
thousands more of me!
You want to play tough?
The Axe Gang boss
is napping in there.
Whoever wants to die,
step forward.
So you want to fight?
Great! We'll go one-on-one.
Don't even think about cheating.
That old woman with the onion!
You look real tough.
Want to try me? I'll let
you hit me first.
What do you do?
I'm a farmer.
Farmers don't fight.
Piss off!
He's crazy!
Calling me names?
You're lucky you're a woman.
Hey, shorty! Yeah, you!
If you're short, you don't retort.
What did I say about cheating?
Sit back down!
You! The geezer with the
glasses. You look mean.
No, not you. I mean...
You!
Hey, kid, let's rumble!
All right, all right!
So no one-on-ones today.
You're all such wimps!
He blackmailed me.
Fat woman, you're
in charge here, right?
Fat woman, my ass!
I'm with the Axe Gang!
Axe Gang, my ass!
Boss!
LANDLAD Y:
Boss, my ass!
You have to pay our medical bills!
Bills, my ass!
We're on the same side!
Same side, my ass!
LANDLAD Y GRUNTS
Think you're so tough?
I'll call for backup!
You nitwit! Let's see
you call backup!
You don't know the backup I have.
I'm talking an army here.
EXPLOSION
Don't you go away! Go put
a down payment on your coffin!
###
Who threw the firecracker?
I'm one of you, brother.
Mind your own business!
It's raining. Go bring
in your laundry!
Fat woman!
You blackmailing me too?
I ain't afraid.
Huh?
I...
PUNCHING & GRUNTING
Did anyone see
what happened?
Don't! My back's broken!
Call for help!
MUSIC PLAYING
ON RECORD PLAYER
POUNDING
MAN SHOUTING
###
Hold on, calm down.
You hungry?
MAN:
Keep quiet.
GURGLING
WOMAN:
No.
CRYING
MUTED SOUND
Who did this?
I'll count to three.
###
One...
two...
I did it!
SCREAMING
GRUNTING & SCREAMING
WHIMPERING
Are the goods okay,
Brother Sum?
Sorry!
Look away, kid.
Get rid of him!
We're the bad guys!
We're meant to do
the ass-kicking...
not the other way around.
And it's all because these
morons posed as Axes.
Don't waste your time,
Brother Sum.
We'll handle this.
You! Take care of it.
###
Boy, can this guy pick locks.
It's a living. Give me a break.
Pick that one too,
if you're so good.
Come.
I'll count to three.
Hurry!
Ready? Three!
BROTHER SUM:
That's quick!
Brother Sum, we really
want to be Axes.
That's why we did
what we did.
Give us a chance.
Ever killed anyone?
I've always
thought about it.
Then go kill someone.
I will!
Go on!
Thank you, Brother Sum.
We can always find
a use for that type.
###
SING: I told you before,
you've got to look tough.
Tougher!
SING'S SIDEKICK GROWLS
Tougher!
GROWLING
Act the part.
And try to stay awake.
It's tiring being tough.
Tiring? It's our living!
SING:
The streets out there are filled
with money and women.
You only need the will
and determination
to seize the opportunity to win.
This is our big chance!
We just kill someone,
and we're in the gang.
Then it'll be money
and women all the way!
Don't be like those beggars
with no ambition.
###
Who are you
looking at, four-eyes?
I'll smash your glasses!
Get lost!
Come here and say that!
You're really gonna kill someone?
That's right!
The four-eyes, the fat woman
and all the residents of Pig Sty.
But they're good at kung fu.
I can do kung fu!
Oh, yeah?
SNICKERS
Didn't I tell you I know
Buddhist Palm kung fu?
MAN: Hey there,
handsome boy. Stop.
Amazing!
Do you know you
have a special aura?
You're so young,
but you have
the bone structure
and chi flow
of a kung-fu genius.
If your chi flow
can be channelled,
then you will be invincible!
Like the old saying:
You cannot escape your destiny.
The duty of upholding
world peace and punishing
evil will be yours.
Sure.
This is the scroll of the
Buddhist Palm. It's priceless.
But as it's fate,
I'll let you have it for $10.
###
BUDDHIST PALM MANU AL
You gave him your life savings?
Yes.
I was saving to study to be
a doctor or lawyer,
but this was world peace.
CHATTERING
SING:
Let go of the girl!
Hey! It's the Buddhist Palm!
"The 20-Cent Kung Fu Manual."
CHILDREN LAUGHING
You must be loaded.
Have you killed anyone lately?
He's a fool,
and she's mute.
Losers!
I realized then that good guys
never win. I want to be bad.
I want to be the killer!
Ice cream!
Where?
Make mine a vanilla.
Chocolate for me!
###
What're you looking at?
Never seen free
ice cream before?
Look at her run!
LAUGHING
You're such kung-fu masters,
go take it on the road.
You belong
in the circus, not here!
Don't say that, Landlady.
There must be
a reason they're here.
Everyone has
his reasons.
We don't want
to make trouble.
I'm glad you get it.
The mob's mad at us.
We'll never hear the end of it.
Why don't you get lost!
Your wife shouldn't be so nasty.
MOANS
You okay?
WOMAN:
Masters.
We have nothing
precious to give you,
but take this as a token
of our appreciation.
Thanks for saving us!
LANDLAD Y:
Stop the crying.
This isn't a show!
You're so cold-hearted.
Talking back to me, eh?
You may know kung fu,
but you're still a fairy.
CRYING
It's no crime to be
good at kung fu!
Once a fairy,
always a fairy.
Look at you. What's with
the red underwear?
Why not a diaper
while you're at it.
J ANE:
What's wrong
with red underwear?
Where were you
when there was trouble?
If it weren't for them,
we'd be finished.
Be reasonable!
I'll reason with you.
You owe me three
months' rent. That's $90.
Pay up or pack up!
Don't you worry. I'll pay it.
Think you're a smartass,
Rabbit-Tooth Jane?
What's it to you,
tub of lard?
Bitch!
Calm down, Landlady.
This is your fault.
PEOPLE SHOUTING
MAN 1: Are you trying to kill us?
MAN 2: You're right.
MAN 3:
How could you do that?
Shut the hell up!
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
GLASS SHATTERS
You think you can out-yell me?
The fat lady can really sing.
Watch this!
###
What happened?
What do you mean,
what happened? You try it.
Me?
Quick!
Sorry! You okay?
I think you should get closer
and take better aim. Okay?
Okay!
Who's throwing the handles?
Handle?
Where's the third knife?
God knows where it went.
Could it be the
same one? Can't be...
Don't!
Sorry.
What are you trying to say?
I just remembered I have
something to do. See you!
Uh-oh. They've seen us!
Stay back!
Don't panic! Snakes like music.
If I whistle, they won't bite.
Please, no more bright ideas.
HISSING
Oh, what the hell!
WHISTLES
GASPS
Not you again, asshole!
MAN:
Get back to your business!
Split up!
Split?
###
WHIRRING
HORN HONKING
THUD
###
TYRES SCREECHING
WOMEN SCREAM
POUNDING
What're you doing here?
Looking for you.
Weren't you hurt?
I'm fine!
How come you always
recover so fast?
I don't know.
Which hospital did you go to?
Don't remember.
Maybe it's better that way.
Memories can be painful.
To forget may be a blessing!
I never knew
you were so deep.
All the sadness
one can bear...
down the river everywhere.
Hey, get out of the way!
SING'S SIDEKICK:
Move!
SING:
I'll slap you
to kingdom come!
Look at those four-eyes
carting around a coffin.
What morons!
LANDLAD Y:
Don't blame me
for making you leave.
We'll let Buddha decide
BELL TOLLING
whether you stay
or go.
HORRIFICALLY BAD FATE
Have some tea.
We're grateful for
some professional help.
We understand the problem.
Twelve Kicks from the Tam School,
Iron Fist from the Hung School
and the Hexagon Staff...
Those guys at Pig Sty
are really good.
HARPIST 2:
Their warrior days
are long over,
but they're still top fighters.
This job is a great
challenge for us.
Now, that's professionalism.
Number One Killers.
Expensive, yes,
but worth every penny!
No! Number one is the Beast,
the world's top killer.
HARPIST 2:
He was so dedicated to kung fu,
he went crazy.
I heard he's now in an asylum.
So you're the
top killers now.
Strictly speaking,
we're just musicians.
A song that wrenches the heart
O where do I find a knowing ear?
Great poem, isn't it?
###
We'll be saying
goodbye soon.
Who knows when we'll
see each other again.
We're three of a kind.
Wish we'd known before.
Let's take this opportunity
to spar a little.
No. We still have
a lot to pack.
You're right.
###
Twelve Kicks of the Tam School!
Superb attack and defence!
Iron Fist: powerful yet
delicate. Top-notch!
Hexagon Staff, with its
thousand moves. Mystical!
ALL:
Till we meet again!
SHOUTS
CLATTERING & CAT SCREECHING
MUSIC PLAYING
ON RECORD PLAYER
LANDLAD Y:
More lipstick!
INDISTINCT CHATTERING
Stay there,
or I'll break you in half.
###
###
JINGLE
###
Sorry, we're closed.
You can make
a suit in no time.
We're moving.
This is good material!
You know your stuff.
This has high artistic value.
How high?
At least a few stories...
###
Insulting the Axe Gang!
We'll show them.
Let's kill them all and make
this place a brothel.
Don't block my view!
What's going on?
GRUNTING
Good!
Good!
Don't block my view!
Damn! I told those nitwits to leave,
but they're still here.
Really?
Yeah.
What the hell is this fighting?
Who'll pay for the damage?
Sorry, sorry. It's nothing!
COUGHS
You know what time it is?
I have to sleep.
Hey, fatso, eat shit and die!
Die? In this racket?
Sorry, sorry!
LAUGHS
Get out of my way!
Hang in there, Tailor.
LANDLAD Y:
Be quiet!
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
LANDLAD Y:
Give us a break!
Why push us so far?
There's another master?
###
GRUNTING
GROANING
SCREAMING
GRUNTING
It's the Lion's Roar!
I thought that was a myth.
Who knew the Lion's Roar
really exists?
That's the last
we'll see of them.
It's bad, Brother Sum.
Quick, start the car!
Start the car!
Boss!
Keep it down!
Have you no manners?
Get lost. People
are trying to sleep.
They have
to work tomorrow.
Get out of here!
Scumbags!
###
WOMEN SOBBING
DONUT:
I can't hang on much longer.
But having seen
real masters
like you...
I can now die in peace.
Don't say that.
We're ordinary folks.
Ordinary's a blessing.
Don't call us masters.
But you're such
great fighters!
If only you'd helped earlier,
they wouldn't have to die this way.
Like Donut said,
everyone has his reasons.
Years ago...
we saw our only son
killed in a fight.
Revenge can be devastating.
Do you understand?
Why don't you train us
to be top fighters
and we'll avenge them!
Becoming a top
fighter takes time.
Unless you're
a natural-born
kung-fu genius.
And they're one in a million.
GRUNTS
It's obvious I'm the one!
Don't think so.
Everyone! We swore
we'd never fight again.
But we broke that promise today.
For your own safety,
please all leave!
In great power
lies great responsibility.
There's no escaping from it.
Donut, you're hurt bad.
Rest now.
BABBLING
We can't understand
what you're saying.
Donut!
###
I know you, four-eyes!
You seem prejudiced against
the sight-challenged.
That's right. Especially
gold-framed four-eyes.
GRUNTING
HISSING
Gold frames
are perfect for clerks.
I think I look good.
So why keep
picking on me?
Help me!
GROWLING
"Help me! Help me!"
Want to play, punks?
The Dragon Style?
The Tiger Style?
Come down here,
and I'll smash your
glasses. Come on!
You know I'd do it, right?
Swear to it!
Swear!
Have you no respect?
Where were you
when I needed you?
BARKS
You sound like a wimp!
We always get beat!
We haven't gotten anywhere.
No killing, no arson,
no robberies, no rapes...
all because of you!
You're a numb-nut!
Follow me!
It's a stickup!
Where's the money?
Where's the money?
What're you looking at?
I'm serious!
I kill people for less!
Give me the money.
###
The money's in here.
SING AS A CHILD:
Let go of the girl!
He's a fool,
and she's mute.
Losers!
Go away!
You're dragging me down!
Go home and raise pigs.
Go, before I kill you.
BAND PLAYING MUSIC
MAN:
You! Whatsyourname!
Take this and get
some new clothes.
You're now an Axe!
For real?
Someone's waiting for you.
Brother Sum!
One look at you, and I knew
you'd do anything.
Right!
You just needed your chance.
Damn right!
We have an assignment for you.
Anything, Brother Sum!
###
SING:
"Research on abnormal people."
What's that?
A mental asylum.
ALARM BUZZING
Soldiers!
Boy Scouts!
SING:
Tanks!
ADVISOR:
No worries.
When the Boy Scouts
change shifts, you have
exactly five minutes.
Follow the arrows
on the map.
Go to the last cell
and get the man inside
there out. Here's your tools.
What about you guys?
We're your lookouts.
WIND WHISTLING
THUNDER RUMBLING
Five minutes. Hurry!
###
GASPS
GRUNTS
LOCK CLICKS
###
BROTHER SUM YAWNS
The world's top killer
indeed looks the part!
It's only a title.
Cut the bullshit.
We want two people killed.
Name your price.
Name my what?
I've killed so many
trying to find
a worthy adversary.
So far, I've never found one.
That's why I stayed inside.
Had I met my match,
I'd have been out long ago.
If you find me
a worthy opponent...
I'll do it for free.
No charge!
LAUGHING
Do you have someone?
Yes. Brilliant fighters
who are up to the challenge.
But first, will you
show us some moves?
Not that we don't trust you.
We want to see you in action.
You numskulls aren't worthy!
SNAPS FINGERS
He doesn't look the part.
The slippers are a little crappy.
But he'll clean up well.
You sure you
got the right guy?
Absolutely. I swear I did
exactly what you told me.
Please show us some
moves, Mr. Beast.
Don't make it hard for me!
You dumb or what?
You know what
this is, old man?
Ever seen a fist this big?
Don't force me to fight.
I scare myself when I fight!
Really? Try me, then.
Is he okay?
LAUGHING
So you say you can fight?
Harder!
GLASSES SHATTER
Harder!
Harder!
You hit like that
and call yourself a gangster?
A foreign gun!
GUNS COCKING
GUNSHO
###
In the world of kung fu,
speed defines the winner.
The Beast is the best of them all.
The Axe Gang extends its respect!
SCREAMING
The real masters,
together in one room!
Only the world's top killer
has such an aura.
BEAST:
Likewise.
Could you two be the fated lovers...?
Paris...
And Helen of Troy!
A pleasure, indeed.
We're here to deal
with the Axe Gang...
and only the Axe Gang.
BROTHER SUM LAUGHING
You should've killed me before.
Now you're committing suicide.
You're living on borrowed time.
You can't escape your fate!
What's this? A funeral bell?
SNICKERS
With the Beast here,
let's see whose funeral it is!
LANDLAD Y:
So you're on their side?
Don't get me wrong.
I only want to kill you...
or be killed by you.
LAUGHS
What do you think?
The good cannot coexist
with the bad. You can't
escape your destiny.
So be it. Let's do it.
Okay.
Let's do it!
###
Piece of cake. I can handle this.
BEAST CHUCKLING
Good try, but a little off target.
LAUGHING
###
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
The Lion's Roar?
GRUNTING & COUGHING
CHIMING
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
GLASS SHATTERING
SCREAMS
BEAST:
Wait!
I didn't know the Lion's Roar
could be done with a speaker!
What a blow!
GRUNTING
Looks like they're not up to it!
Let's get them while they're down.
You do it!
I'm gonna puke!
I need to see a doctor!
Go to hell!
You! Come over here.
Hit him!
Yes!
The head!
Of course!
Hit him on the head!
Okay.
Here's your chance.
Got it!
Hit him!
Hit him!
Hit the shit out of him!
Right!
Hit him!
Hit him!
Beat the shit out of him!
What're you doing?
You want me to hit him
or beat the shit out of him?
You're making me
very confused!
SCREAMING
###
Wow, that's a big fist!
Why did you hit me?
Where are they?
How could you
let them escape?
GASPING
No one gets away from me!
###
Why did he save us?
Young people make mistakes.
But at least he
finally made good.
Look at him!
Beaten to a pulp.
Do you have
any last requests?
Hey, wait!
Why don't you write
in Chinese?
I don't understand.
###
There's no one here!
CHINESE MEDICINE
It's a miracle
he lasted this long.
The herbs should help him.
Herbal medicine can
only partly help. The key
is his own body structure.
All his bones
and tendons are broken.
It's amazing he's
recovering so fast.
It can't be possible...
Unless he's...
###
BANDAGES SNAPPING
What's that smell?
ALL SCREAMING
###
SING:
You mustn't smoke
while you're hurt.
Let me handle this.
This makes no sense.
Who knew the Beast
could clear the chi flow
and thus unleash
the boy's true potential?
We should've guessed.
He is the one!
###
Is this for real?
You're still alive,
you turncoat?
Kill him, men!
What kind of move is that?
Kids' stuff!
###
If our son were alive,
he'd be his age now.
If he studies hard,
he could grow up to be
a doctor or lawyer.
A stuntman, more likely!
DINGING
THUNDER RUMBLING
Not bad. Let's go.
I can even stop bullets...
CROAKS
GRUNTS
LAUGHING
CROAKING
What? The Toad Style
of the Kwan Lun School?
Oh, no!
SCREAMING
BIRD SCREECHES
Remember the Palm move
that falls from heaven?
That's the long lost
Buddhist Palm.
###
SCREAMS
I surrender!
What kind of move was that?
If you want to learn,
I'll teach you.
CRYING
Master!
###
Hey! Tell him not
to put snot on the glass.
You two, put your pants on!
No licking
if you're not buying!
###
Kid, you have the bone
structure of a kung-fu genius.
World peace is in your
hands. Here's the scroll
of the Buddhist Palm.
Because it's fate,
I'll let you have it for $10.
Wait!
You want more...?
###