Kung Fu Masters 3 (2018) Movie Script
1
(adventurous music)
- You just wait and see!
You'll regret this day, I promise!
My big brother Razorback is the leader
of the Wild Boar Gang.
- Head of the Wild Boar Gang?
(laughing)
- Huh?
What happened to me just now?
- I was about to ask you.
All I know is you beat the stuffing
out of that Hogwild.
(laughing)
- That was quite impressive.
(laughing)
- Well sir, though I've driven that hooligan
out of your shop for you, no thanks is necessary.
Some noodles will suffice.
(laughing)
- No way.
Son, look around there and there.
Look at the state of my shop.
You'll need to pay me, boy.
More than a bowl of noodles.
- What?
But we don't have any money.
- Oh.
(laughing)
I could do with some help here in the shop.
You can stay here and help me out.
What do you say, kid?
We got a deal?
- Yeah, okay.
- Longmouth, if we follow him
we'll get something tasty to eat.
- Hey, will you shut up about food?
Didn't you hear what that dimwit just said?
If this guy really has an influential brother
as he claims then Hoffin ain't gonna have a chance.
Come on, let's go.
(heavy breathing)
- Boy, that made me mad.
Embarrassing me like that in a public place.
It's not over, you little runt!
Ow, that really hurt!
No, I won't let it go!
My brother will help me take revenge.
We're gonna turn you inside out, trouble maker.
Take that and that!
(crashing)
(laughing)
What are you laughing at, you little pipsqueak?
(growling)
(sobbing)
I can't even take on a little hedgehog!
I got nothing to live for now!
Somebody kill me, kill me!
(spitting)
Huh?
- Excuse me, sir.
Are you by any chance the legendary warrior hero Hogwild?
Hiya, I'm Longmouth and this is Bigeye.
You see, we're here to help you.
- I don't need anybody's help.
- We heard that your big brother
is the celebrated kung fu master, Mr. Razorback,
and we would very much like to have a word with him
as head of the Wild Boar Club.
- Go ahead, find him, what's it to me?
- Oh, I just thought we three might
ask Mr. Razorback about getting even
with that little kid but if you think it's best,
we'll just try it alone.
- What little kid are you talking about?
- You know who I'm talking about.
The little punk who met you at the noodle house.
- Are you serious?
- You see, I've already come up with a cunning plan
but we need to convince your brother to back us up.
- Fine, I'll take you to him now.
- Cloudhand, hurry it up, will ya?
(laughing)
- You've got it, mister.
It's coming right up.
- Huh?
I'm sick of making dough all day.
- Huh?
Cloudhand: Smells great.
- Wow!
- Man, what a technique!
- Awesome.
- Wow!
- It's almost ready, fellas.
Coming through.
- You know, I have this funny feeling
that this is no ordinary pig.
Easy!
- Dough, dough, dough.
Oh, I should never have agreed to this.
Hiya!
- Stop it or we'll get another 10 years in here, Hoffin.
(grunting)
Cloudhand: Is the dough ready?
Hoffin: Huh?
- Ah!
(laughing)
- Huh, what's so funny?
(laughing)
- Here.
- Huh?
Oh.
Hiya!
(chopping)
Ya!
(yelling)
(sighing)
(shouting)
(plates shattering)
(laughing)
- We need some tables and chairs out here
and don't forget to wash those dishes.
- Good job.
Well, everything seems to be in order here.
Keep it up.
- Ha!
So many chores.
I've only got two hands.
- Hey!
- Why did I say yes?
- Wow, that was one dirty dish cloth.
Listen to Mr. Poor, poor me, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
- I'm gonna scream!
- Go ahead and scream, Hoffin.
And then you can stop your moaning, you big baby.
- Stop calling me a baby, you.
Or else I'll make you into noodles
and that'll be the end of you, do you hear me?
Well then.
Cloudhand: Put away the tofu.
- Make dough and cut vegetables all day everyday.
Now comes the tofu.
I have more important things to do.
Wait, I'm not done talking yet.
(shouting)
- Whoopsy daisy.
Baby.
(laughing)
(growling)
Let me go!
- Go ahead and laugh at me, you traitor.
(laughing)
- A task may be great or small
but in the small tasks lie the seat
of a great reward.
If you understand this, success will be yours.
- So what is it your saying?
(laughing)
- Hiya!
- Hey, whoa!
- That's just a block of tofu.
What's so special about that?
- You're right.
There's nothing special about it.
It certainly can't compare with your important business.
- You know this and yet you still won't let me go.
- Oh, you wanna leave?
- Ow!
Hey!
You don't believe me?
I'm a student of the Diamond Fist, you know.
(shouting)
- Impressive.
Since you're a kung fu ace, I guess this next thing
will be much too easy for you.
- Most likely.
What is it?
- Just to catch a block of tofu.
(laughing)
- No problem, throw it.
Huh?
Cloudhand: Catch.
- Hiya!
Got it.
Oh wait, what happened?
Huh?
(laughing)
Come on, do it again.
- Here boy, catch.
- What, again?
Huh?
- All that top quality tofu down the drain.
(laughing)
- Young man, you've suffered enough.
Listen, life is a mirror.
You smile into it and it smiles back.
Take it easy, it's nothing you can't handle.
- Hoffin?
(laughing)
Razorback: Ha!
Rah!
Hogwild: They attacked me, they jumped me,
they jumped me!
(grunting)
Bigeye: Ow!
Razorback: What did you say?
- Razorback, they attacked me, they jumped me!
Listen!
Oh please, listen!
(growling)
- What?
- Hey brother!
- Hm.
- Hey, didn't you hear me?
I was roughed up big time.
- Go on, go on.
I tell you, they're disgracing the honorable house
of Razorback.
- Yeah man, and they threatened us.
They said they'd ram our teeth down our throats
if they ever caught us in the town square again.
We've gotta uphold the honor of the gang,
ain't we, brother?
- I guess you'd be the expert
on shaming the house of Razorback, wouldn't you?
Time you learned a lesson.
(grunting)
- I just got creamed and you won't help me.
- You don't have to take that from him.
(shivering)
- We're brothers but it's not my job
to keep cleaning up after you.
Now dump these losers and get some real friends!
Voice: Humidity is low.
Take care against fire.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] I'll catch it this time.
- Ha!
- Here you go.
- Oh, I can't believe this.
Okay, come on.
- Remember, Cloudhand was saving this tofu for later.
What'll he do when he finds out it's all smashed?
- Leave that to me, just throw it over here.
- Okay, Hoffin.
It's your funeral.
- Hurry up!
(splatting)
Again!
Rascal: Last chunk.
- Oh, I know I can do it again.
- Phew, I'm exhausted.
I really need to have a little lie down.
- Rascal, come on, let's go!
- What, let's go?
I'm sorry, my young friend.
No tofu left.
- Huh?
Why didn't you tell me we were running out.
I thought we still had plenty left.
- I told you, Hoffin.
- Well, you need to get me some more tofu, Rascal.
- Hey, now you're losing your grip
in more ways than one.
Ow, let me go!
- You're a sacred animal ordered by the kitchen god
to help me out.
If you don't do it then when I see him,
I'm gonna tell him about every bumbling move you've made!
- You wouldn't dare!
Hoffin: We've gotta get fresh tofu in here before noon.
- You've completely lost your mind.
He's lost his mind here!
I've been away from home for a while now.
Kitchen god, when will I see your face again?
Kitchen god, I miss you.
When will this all be over?
Eh?
That noodle guy, Cloudhand.
Why is it I feel there's something strange about him?
I get the feeling he doesn't belong here.
I don't know.
That constant smile, those secret kung fu skills.
Well, could he be?
No, no.
Impossible for noodle king to be,
ah, I'm reading too much into it.
Voice: Humidity is low, take care against fire.
- Tofu, tofu!
My kingdom for some tofu!
Where can I get some tofu for Hoff?
Hey, it smells like tofu.
Huh?
It's gotta be here somewhere.
Boy oh boy, I've hit the jackpot.
(laughing)
Huh?
Busted!
That's one big cat.
- I say this.
You've got some nerve, lie fingers.
- Hoffin, Hoffin!
- Huh?
- Hoffin, Hoffin!
- Rascal, Rascal!
Let him go!
- What?
Are you two together?
Well this little imp was stealing my bean curd.
What a nerve.
- What?
Stealing your bean curd?
Rascal.
- I was trying to get tofu but was in such a hurry
that I forgot to pay.
It's true.
- Sorry, sorry.
It's my fault.
Rascal was out shopping for me today.
He didn't mean to steal your tofu.
Please forgive him this once.
Cat: Mommy.
- Huh?
- Big brother here said he was sorry.
Shouldn't we forgive him?
- Please?
Male: Hey, how about a little service over here?
- Coming right away.
I'll let you two go this time
but don't let it happen again, okay?
- Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Boar: I need two blocks of firm tofu.
Two dried ones and also give me four of the rice tofu.
- Coming right up.
- Huh?
- Here you are, please come again.
- Ah!
- Hey!
Don't touch my tofu!
Stop messing about and go home.
(laughing)
Pig: Hogwild's back!
- What are they running away from?
- Longmouth, now that Razorback's refused to help,
what are we gonna do?
We need a plan.
- Forget about him.
We don't need anybody else.
We can make him pay all by ourselves.
(shouting)
- Smells like rotten eggs.
- Oh, lots of pretty fireworks.
I like 'em, I like 'em!
(growling)
- How many times have I told you
not to let it rip in public, you big jerk.
- Cool, rockets!
- Why I, huh?
- These are my most favorite toys.
- Huh?
Oh yes!
Yeah, that gives me an idea!
- Huh?
(whispering)
- Huh, oh yeah, great idea.
- Cloudhand's got a real petty streak.
That was only 30, maybe 40 blocks of tofu we used up
and suddenly I'm out chopping down trees.
I'm bushed.
- It's a pity I can't do anything to help.
(laughing)
Longmouth: Are you ready, Bigeye?
Bigeye: Yeah, give me a second.
(laughing)
- Hoffin, there's no escaping us this time.
(laughing)
- Not unless he can outrun these rockets, Longmouth.
- Hey, are you two ready?
- All set.
- Yeah, we're all set.
- I'll place the squeaker in his path.
Once he steps on the squeaker,
you begin firing at him and keep letting him have it
until the squeaking stops.
You got that?
- Yeah, I think that that's a great idea.
(laughing)
- We'll blow him all the way to the heavens.
- Alright, Bigeye, it's time to hide.
Bigeye: Okay!
(laughing)
- I don't know how long he intends to keep me here, Rascal.
- Well, we have great food and a bed.
Life's a breeze right now.
- You're hopeless.
(laughing)
- You hear it?
Fire now!
- Gotcha!
Bigeye: Here goes!
(yelling)
(wood splintering)
- Ha ha, we got it!
Huh?
(laughing)
Hey my little precious.
You really did me a big favor.
Huh?
- Oh, that hurts.
- What about that there, kid?
- You again!
Seems you don't remember the lesson
I taught you the last time.
- Yeah, haven't you had enough?
Or does Hoffin really gotta teach you a proper lesson?
- Don't come any closer or you'll regret it!
I'm warning you!
- Ya, take this!
(shouting)
- Oh no!
You made me swallow my signaling device!
(laughing)
- Hey, there's the signal, let's fire.
- Here we go.
- Oh no, you dumb weasels!
It's me, it's me!
- Come on!
(rockets exploding)
(coughing)
(laughing)
Wow, that's awesome.
- Will you cut it out?
- Pardon me if I don't stick around but--
(squeaking)
(laughing)
- We got another signal.
(screaming)
- Mommy!
(laughing)
- I'm loving this.
You deserve it, you big brute!
- Longmouth, we still got one big one left.
- Yes!
Oh boy, I'm really loving this.
- It's just too funny!
(laughing)
- You dance divinely, Hogwild!
(laughing)
- Oh, my aching backside!
Hey!
(laughing)
The signal has stopped working!
It stopped working!
(squeaking)
- Fire!
(laughing)
- Hey, it's me!
Stop!
It's me, can't you see it's me?
Stop it!
(yelling)
(rocket whistling)
(rocket exploding)
- Wow, look at that, it's beautiful.
(laughing)
- Hoffin'll like that.
(yelling)
Hogwild: Oh my head, my head!
(laughing)
- What an idiot!
The poor guy, did you see his face?
Stop, it's me!
Super funny.
- I swallowed it, I swallowed it!
Hey, you know what?
Well all this laughing has made me hungry.
- Yeah, I could eat something.
- Well, you'd better clean up this mess.
It looks like an explosion at a tofu factory around here
from your practice earlier.
Hurry up or he'll only give you more chores to do.
- Ah, tofu and more tofu.
I can't catch the stuff without breaking it.
- Yeah, somewhere in that little body
is the mighty star god Polaris,
night beacon of the ages.
But just look at you now.
- What?
I ain't dumb.
Even if I weren't the star god,
the tofu thing wouldn't be a problem forever.
You just wait.
(laughing)
- Alright, here we go.
Fire one!
(upbeat music)
(sighing)
- I just can't catch it.
- Oh boy!
How can you mangle tofu like that?
How can you mangle tofu like that?
- Hey Rascal!
- What?
- Hey, come on Rascal, let's give it another try.
- Please, it's light and I'm sleepy, okay?
- Let's go!
Hey!
- I can't believe you did it!
- Yeah, again!
- Okay.
(laughing)
- Hey Hoffin.
Catch it.
- Wow!
- I did it, I did it!
Hey, how about that, Cloudhand?
What'd you think, Cloudhand?
- You've got potential, kid.
You really showed us what you can do.
(laughing)
Now get some rest.
- Brother, brother!
(sobbing)
- What the heck?
What's been going on?
- Mister, we must take revenge against them all.
- Come here!
Now tell me what happened and quick!
- It's Hoffin, sir, it's Hoffin!
- Spit it out, who did this?
- It was Hoffin, that terrible boy.
He worked at Cloudhand's noodle shop
and Hogwild was eating there
and he found a big bug in his noodles
and all he wanted was his noodles replaced.
Is that too much to ask?
I mean come on.
But this Hoffin, this little beast,
he beat up Hogwild really bad.
It was awful, sir, awful to watch.
We must get revenge, sir.
We must have revenge!
Please sir!
- Yeah, revenge, revenge!
- That's right.
We've gotta teach him a lesson.
- Where is this delinquent?
- Candy fruit, candy fruit.
Sweet, sweet candy fruit.
One stick is never enough.
Candy fruit puts a smile on your face.
Candy fruit!
Hey kid, how about it?
Oh, you're the lucky one, kid.
Mommy bought you two.
Here you go.
Enjoy.
Candy fruit, beautiful sweet candy fruit.
Hoffin: Mom, dad!
Oh, I miss you guys.
Nian.
- Razorback, king of the boars coming.
Outta of the way, you peasant.
Razorback is coming.
Time for you to learn who's boss around here, Hoffin.
- Huh?
You again!
- Yeah, but we ain't alone.
We come with Razorback.
He'll soon set you straight.
He's gonna pulverize you, you got that?
- Yeah, pulverize, see?
Just like that.
- Ha, I'm not afraid of any old boar.
(laughing)
- You'd better give up now
or you'll be totally annihilated.
- I'll tell you something else, sprout.
We're in league with Nian.
- Shut up, idiot.
What are you, the six o'clock news?
- What's that?
Nian?
You were working for Nian all this time.
- Hey kid, you the one who insulted my brother, huh?
- You guys are nothing.
You're just like flunkies working for Nian.
Oh, that smarts.
This guy's no pushover.
- Get him!
- Hiya!
- Oh!
(wood cracking)
(yelling)
- Look out, Hoffin!
(laughing)
Hoffin!
- Beat him, beat him!
- Hoffin, you're okay.
- I ain't finished with you.
(laughing)
- Huh, it's Polaris.
- Welcome to Cloudhand's Noodle Paradise.
- [Rascal Voiceover] Cloudhand's not bad.
- Care for a bowl of the hot stuff?
It's good.
- Hey, this is none of your business.
Stay out of the way, got it?
- Stay out.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should be more careful.
(groaning)
Come on now, everybody.
Sit down and try my noodles.
Good food makes for a good mood, right?
I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding
and a nice little talk will help calm us down
and see if we can't settle things.
- Misunderstanding?
This little thug nearly killed my brother.
- Hey, little Hoffin's working here for me.
Won't you give him a break?
Just for me?
- No way!
- Huh?
- A secret animal!
- Take it easy.
Hey, how about this?
You leave him alone for a month
and after that you can come gunning for him
anytime you like 'cause by then
he'll no longer be working for me
and I'll be just a simple bystander.
So what do you think, huh?
- [Razorback Voiceover] Cloudhand's kung fu
is better than mine.
I take the kid now and he'll make me pay
for the privilege.
- So a month from now you'll steer clear?
(laughing)
- Absolutely.
I can promise you that.
Razorback: Okay, in a month's time.
- Well we have a deal then.
In a month from now you can both slug it out
on the beacon tower of the Great Wall.
How's that sound?
- Right.
Hey kid, you agree?
- Huh, you'll get a beating.
- Yeah, we'll see about that.
- Just hold on, son.
(clacking)
(shouting)
- It's alright.
- Oh great.
I thought we could have a peaceful time here
and now look what we have to deal with.
- I made a deal.
I won't run away.
- Everything is determined by yin and yang.
Maybe it's not such a bad thing,
Razorback's challenge.
- You're one of the masters I've been seeking.
- Yeah, I should have realized it earlier
but it was hard to spot
because you were this totally nerdy noodle dude.
Ain't that a strange career for a master like you?
Fierce is a secret animal too
but he's a famous swordsman.
Slinging noodles ain't exactly impressive.
- There's nothing unseemly in it.
- Hi, my name's Rascal, another secret animal.
How you doing?
Don't believe me.
Now take a look at this.
There, you see?
- Ah yes, I see and you certainly hide it pretty well.
(laughing)
- That's right, brother.
- Master, what can you teach me?
- I can teach you, young man,
to be a really top class noodle chef.
- Wow!
(laughing)
Wow, what are these super sized jars for.
Rascal: Hey Hoffin, look at this.
I found a walnut.
Take a look, see?
- Huh?
What's he doing?
- Tai Chi Quan is an internally centered martial art.
It fully embodies the balance between yin and yang.
Between hardness and softness.
On the hard side, Tai Chi requires
that you unleash your strength which is enhanced
through cultivation of ki and the training
of the body itself.
And on the soft side, whenever you are (mumbling)
you endeavor to offset your opponent's strength
and where possible, redirect your opponent's power
back towards him.
This should enable you to defeat him.
(shouting)
- That was awesome!
Wow, that's amazing!
Tai Chi is so intense.
Teach it to me now.
(laughing)
- Alright but you must start from the beginning.
- Oh!
(yelling)
(clanking)
What's up with this?
How can I do this?
- Whoa!
My teeth!
No nut gets the better of me!
You're in for a smashing.
- Oh, a walnut, good!
- Hey, that was my--
(shouting)
- Hoffin.
(laughing)
It may look like a spinning top
but this is not a toy.
(laughing)
- Wow, you've got it spinning.
- Now Hoffin, you try and stop it from spinning.
- I just stop it, right.
This is easy.
(yelling)
- Remember, no matter how hard the blow you endure,
redirect its strength and fight back.
(yelling)
(laughing)
The rotation of the top, it symbolizes the eight strengths
of Tai Chi.
Now you must practice.
(grunting)
Now Hoffin, you know how to release Tai Chi energy?
- I don't, master.
(laughing)
- Like this.
You have to maneuver in such a way
as to concentrate your whole body's energy
into a smoothness and let it flow, understand?
- Yes.
(groaning)
- Hey, easy, boy.
It doesn't have to be like that.
(passing gas)
- What a relief!
- What a stink!
- Boy, you just about killed me here.
Cloudhand: That is Tai Chi strength.
- They're still at it?
- You must lead your enemy and derail his next move.
Then you'll find yourself with a winning hand.
(yelling)
- He's trying to crack Tai Chi.
I can't even crack this nut.
- Now, besides attacking your enemy physically, son,
you must vanquish his mental powers also.
You see?
- Huh?
- Ha ha!
Hey, Rascal.
- I'm right here.
- It hurts, what a trick!
- That's not a trick, lad.
Distraction is a useful strategy.
(laughing)
Now, to bring your opponent down
you have to land shoulders into play.
(laughing)
I nearly forgot, you use your little tushy too.
That's pretty comfy.
(shouting)
You're like my own comfy little armchair.
Use your Tai Chi strength to offset the attack against you.
Soften it, perhaps even totally erase it.
It is possible.
(laughing)
Keep in mind the four principles.
Technique, engagement, subjugation, reverse.
- Crow!
- Master.
I'm at your service, sir.
- Have you completed the task I gave you?
- Well sir, it's those two lazy stupid weasels
holding this up but be assured, lord,
I'll get you what you want.
- And now!
- Yes sir, the boy is yours!
I'll bring him to you very soon, very soon.
I'm okay, I'm okay!
- Pushing hands.
This technique is used to push back
at your enemy like you don't want,
like his kicks and punches, et cetera, et cetera.
- But what if I can't push back?
- That depends upon your level of Tai Chi.
- How boring.
Back and forth all day long, so repetitive.
- How about a game?
We use the technique we've learned
to try and get the ball into the basket.
- A game?
I love games, bring it on!
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
Whoa!
- Ha, he scores!
- And again!
Turn it around!
- This is definitely not pushing hands.
- He shoots and scores to tie the game.
- Oh no, not until it drops all the way through.
(laughing)
Hey, cut it out, that tickles!
(laughing)
(groaning)
- That brute was stupid to set up a duel
a month from now.
I mean why should we wait, huh?
Now we're stuck here looking after this genius.
- Hey there, brother Longmouth.
I need a snack.
- You wanna snack, fat boy?
No problem, so long as your dumb brother
will take that kid down now.
- What?
Oh no, my brother could never go back on his word.
If he said he'll wait a month for the duel,
he'll wait a month.
- Really?
Now you listen.
If you refuse to persuade him, well then,
I'll lock you up right here
and I'll let you starve, you got it?
- Please don't do this to me, brother Longmouth.
I gotta have food.
Help me, I'll go see my brother.
- Ah.
(laughing)
That's what I like to hear.
Bigeye, come on, let's help him up.
(grunting)
- You should try losing weight.
You're like a ton of bricks.
Help me, it smells like bacon down here.
Get me out, get me out!
(spitting)
(groaning)
- Come on, get up.
Hey.
(laughing)
(passing gas)
- I'm choking!
Hey!
(chuckling)
Longmouth, you just let it rip with a brain stunner.
- What?
No way.
A smooth, refined guy like me,
participate in such vulgarity?
Why, the very idea makes me feel faint!
- Me too, ugh!
Loudmouth: Look alive, blubber belly!
Crow: What are you two idiots doing now?
- Oh, Mr. Razorback sir, we have offended your poor,
kind excellency and we humbly apologize.
Forgive us!
Crow: Who's Razorback and what are you babbling about?
- Oh, it's you.
- What are you up to here?
Got the kid?
- Mr. Enforcer, I can explain everything.
We kept track of Hoffin and we almost had him but then--
(sped up voices mumbling quickly)
- Ah.
Well you'll be allowed to live if you just
stop sniveling for a minute.
But Lord Nian's losing patience with failure.
- Mr. Enforcer, please let him know everything
I just told you and that we won't
ever let him down, not ever again.
- Remember, you've got no choice but to succeed.
Keep trying to drive a wedge between the pig
and the boy, I want those two at each other's throats, okay?
Loudmouth: You can count on us, Mr. Enforcer.
- You're on the clock, geniuses.
- Yes, of course sir.
And happy flying, sir!
- Oh, I think he's gone.
- Ha, every time I have a great idea
that flying garbage disposal steals it
and tells Nian it's his.
We're not getting a fair shake here
thanks to that flying rat.
Razorback: Hey, what are you two doing here?
(yelping)
- I was only joking, Mr. Enforcer sir.
You know, we worship you really, sir.
(laughing)
- Don't kill me, don't kill me.
- Don't kill us, sir.
- Who's this enforcer and how's my brother?
- Oh, look at you.
Why are you lying here you poor dear?
So brave, so noble and strong.
- I expect to see better care for my brother
from now on or I'll make you pay a thousand times
for this insolence.
Longmouth: Yes sir, Mr. Razorback.
- Brother, they want to--
(laughing)
- Poor angel, he needs his rest.
- Then why are you standing here?
Take him home to bed, got it?
- Yeah!
(chuckling)
Bye Mr. Razorback.
He'll get the very best care, I assure you.
- Hey, it's okay, he's gone.
- Get off of me!
- Today we will take a close look
at a special-ity of mine.
- Wow, a special-ity!
What kind of kung fu?
- Making dough.
- Huh?
You gotta be kidding me.
(laughing)
- Quite the joker, huh?
Now whether your noodles are gonna taste good
or not depends principally on the ingredients you select.
Then even more important than that is the dough.
The one thing you have to get right
above all else is--
(sneezing)
is the dough.
(coughing)
Excuse me.
There's a saying.
Smooth winds and smoother waters
may delight the weary traveler
but if you have a smooth dough
then you can make noodles that will
drive everybody wild, what's so funny?
- Oh, I'm sorry, but what does making noodles
have to do with kung fu, huh?
(laughing)
- I'm in no hurry.
Now let's consider this question, Hoffin.
Why is it that my noodles are so incredibly popular?
The answer to this, of course,
is that I always make my noodles
using the principals of Tai Chi Quan.
- Tai Chi?
- That's right.
Used in the art of dough making.
Yes, that way noodles cut from my dough
are as pliable as silver thread
and as silky smooth as a spider's web
and sumptuously springy too.
- Boring.
- You see, within the form a single noodle
lies all the accumulated knowledge
of my kung fu skills in total.
- I don't get it!
- That's alright.
Look, it's like this.
The circle of Tai Chi is composed
of yin and yang, often seen as softness and hardness.
Now it is a fact that softness
can overcome hardness.
Yes, in the same way that flowing water
can overcome rock.
Gentle perseverance is key.
Tai Chi seeks balance.
- Wow!
- Tai Chi doesn't have a load of fancy styles
which means as long as you harness
and channel the energy within,
you can perform it pretty much as instant direction.
You see?
Easy.
- Oh!
- The shape of this dough represents the essence
of Tai Chi, a circle which contains everything
in our world.
- Whoa!
- You're there, I'm there, everything is there.
(wind blowing)
- Oh wow, that's intense!
Huh?
(laughing)
Cloudhand: And we're done.
- Master, that was awesome!
- Make it a part of yourself.
Put strength into it.
Link your strength to your will.
Then we're talking major awesomeness.
It takes practice.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Once I do this,
I can rescue mom and dad, yeah!
(grunting)
- Dreaming on Walnut Island.
Hey Hoffin, are you still making dough?
- Yeah, I have to learn Tai Chi,
then tackle Razorback.
He's in league with Nian.
- So boring.
(laughing)
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Tai Chi is tough.
- [Cloudhand Voiceover] Gentle perseverance,
inner strength, balance above all things.
- Balance.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Mom, dad, I'll do it for you.
(upbeat music)
- Ah!
Ha!
Hiya!
Hey, I moved it, it moved, wow!
I really did it!
But I can't really control it yet.
(downbeat music)
Aha!
- Hey, what are you still doing here, Cloudhand?
Hey, he was doing alright a minute ago.
What happened?
Cloudhand: He is filled with rage
and hatred for Nian so he loses patience
while he is training.
This is not good.
- Not good.
- Not good because Tai Chi requires great calm
and concentration.
His currents of the mind could draw him down
into a dark abyss of anger.
- Whoa, sounds scary.
So what should Hoffin do then?
(laughing)
- Well, life is a mirror, Rascal.
You smile into it and it smiles back.
- Yeah but how do we get him to smile into it first?
- To learn Tai Chi, he must neutralize his anger
and if there is anyway we can help
then we must be there for him.
- Ha!
Oh.
- You can't give up, Hoffin.
- Huh?
(laughing)
- Now Hoffin, one cannot be impetuous
when practicing Tai Chi.
Behold!
(laughing)
You see, only when you are perfectly calm and focused
can you really understand the magic
of the perfect circle.
- Whoa!
- Wow, that's amazing!
- Like I said, everything lives in the circle of balance.
You must calm yourself and observe the space around you
to discern your own place inside the circle.
Look at the track of that mosquito.
That's also a circle.
You will find there are lots more examples.
Ah, oh, it itches.
(laughing)
See, Hoffin?
Observe with your heart.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Calm, calm and focused.
Everything lives within the circle of balance.
- Do you feel well?
It's only three days now until the showdown with Razorback.
- Stronger than ever, master.
- Oh, that's good.
(clanking)
- Huh?
- Oh dear, how careless of me.
Hoffin, help me to tidy them up using Tai Chi.
(clanking)
(laughing)
Hoffin, you have grasped the form of Tai Chi
but you have yet to grasp its essence, I see.
- Essence?
- Becoming one with an object to gain control of it
requires mental power.
You will grasp this essence once your noodle-making skill
is up there with mine.
- Hey Hoffin.
Do you know what Cloudhand's talking about?
And what is this essence anyway, huh?
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Essence.
Something that's there but you can't see it,
touch it, so how do you grasp it?
One thing's for sure.
- Today I'm gonna make the best noodles ever.
(upbeat music)
- Woo hoo hoo hoo!
(laughing)
That's it, Hoffin.
It's just like Cloudhand's dough!
- Oh yeah!
- Cloudhand, are my noodles ready?
Hurry up, man!
- Here you go.
Bon appetit.
- Coming through, coming through!
- Hey!
- Hey, you got an apprentice, Cloudhand?
(laughing)
(laughing)
- Oh!
- The customers will decide whose taste best.
The champion's or the challenger's.
- Sure thing, kid.
- Smells like a winner.
Here they come.
Dig in, everyone.
- Hey, take it easy there.
(slurping)
- Well I would say as a gourmet
who's eaten all over the world that, uh.
- Come on, Rascal.
- It's perfect!
- Oh, hooray!
(laughing)
Pig: Hey, I want some more!
Pig Two: Leave me some!
(laughing)
- I'm glad you like 'em.
I'll bring out some more.
- Yeah, very nice.
But a little chewier would be better.
- Not chewy enough.
- Not chewy, Hoff.
I felt the same way.
- Rascal!
- Hold on and let me try 'em.
Not bad, Hoffin, not bad.
Your noodles taste great
but you could still do better I think.
- What is missing?
I did exactly what you did, Cloudhand,
step by step.
Did I overlook something along the way?
How is that possible?
- You didn't forget a single thing.
Each step was just fine
but where your hand and eye are perfect,
there the mind must follow suit.
- Are you talking about essence again?
- Yes, your faults are bound to the food you make
and what's more, the quality of those thoughts
will be felt by all who taste your creation.
You must first free your mind from all burdens
and then create.
- Slow down, son.
There's plenty more.
- Oh mom, tell me why your noodles are so delicious.
- 'Cause I'm filled with love when I make them
and I bet you can feel that love too.
- Oh.
Oh, now I get it.
- Wow, a shooting star!
Make a wish!
My wish is for great food everyday
and for the kitchen god's happiness
and to crack walnuts without injury
and for Hoffin to crush Razorback
like a bug that's all, that's all--
- [Hoffin Voiceover] I wish to defeat Nian
and save my mom and dad.
- Tell me, Hoffin, what did you wish for?
- I'm not supposed to tell, Rascal.
(yawning)
I'm going to bed.
(shouting)
- I hope he'll be ready for action again tomorrow.
- Be in no doubt.
Tomorrow's fight will be extremely tough for Hoffin.
He will only gain a victory if he is at last
able to harness the mental power of Tai Chi.
- Oh just look at you.
Both: You look awesome.
- Mr. Razorback, you look fabulous.
You're a born winner.
No one could beat you.
If I didn't know you better, I'd think you
were the emperor himself.
You ride with the gods.
Hoffin is really in for it today.
- Yeah, he's in for it.
- Magnificent.
Razorback: Why don't you two shut up?
(laughing)
- A hulking body but not a brain in his head.
Leave the thinking to me
and we'll just leave the two of them to kill each other.
- You're just so smart.
(laughing)
- Hoffin, here on the Great Wall
among the mountains, do you realize
just how tiny we really are?
Meditate on this truth.
View the vastness of heaven and earth
and become one with all you see.
(laughing)
- Look, there they are.
I thought surely you'd chicken out, wonder boy.
So let's welcome--
- The undefeated--
Both: Tower of a pig, the fabulous Mr. Razorback.
(growling)
- Well today I'm gonna teach you guys a lesson
you'll never ever forget.
Ha!
- You cocky little punk!
You got a big mouth.
Now come here.
I'm gonna teach you some respect for your elders, boy.
Longmouth!
- Yeah, Mr. Razorback.
Do it, get him with some lightning blows!
Do it for good old Hogwild!
- Yeah, crush him!
Then we can all go home!
- What?
Imbecile.
If you'd kept quiet nobody would know you're so dumb.
- Hoffin, be careful.
- Hey big brother, show 'em who's boss around here.
- Look out, kid!
- Ya!
(growling)
(groaning)
My hand!
(laughing)
- What's wrong with Hoffin?
He knows he'll never be able to throw a punch
with Razorback's power.
(laughing)
- That fool kid.
He's totally forgotten their last meeting.
- And my brother gave you a break, kid.
Otherwise, you'd have fainted from the pain.
- Hey kid, you appear to have made some real progress
in a month.
But not nearly enough!
- Oh, you think you're as tough as nails
but softness can overcome hardness.
Master, now I am ready.
- Wow!
- So, the old Cloudhand routine.
Very impressive.
Brace yourself, kid!
And this time I won't be going easy on you!
Get this!
(groaning)
- Hey Hoffin, great job.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, just how did he do that?
- That move wasn't bad kid
but all the fancy footwork in the world
won't save you from my next blow.
(yelling)
- Oh boy, that guy's a killer.
One good punch and Hoffin
might never get back on his feet.
(yelling)
Hoffin!
- You can only get this kind of training in actual battle.
- Get up, Hoffin.
Why don't you get up and teach us all a lesson.
Just look at him.
He's not so Mr. Cocksure now, is he?
- Get up, you little coward!
Look kid, you're no slouch.
I'll say that for you.
So if you apologize now I might be willing to spare you.
- No way, Razorback, and I'll still find a way to beat you.
- What?
What did you say?
The nerve of this kid is beyond belief.
I need to straighten you out right now.
(growling)
Let's see how much you can take.
- Hoffin's great but he's no Tai Chi wizard yet.
He can't defect all those powerful jabs.
Hey Cloudhand, you gotta do something!
- Make yourself part of him.
Rascal: He meant something that might work.
- Link your strength to your will.
- Master?
- Internalize the infinite and be one with it.
So embrace Tai Chi with a pure mind.
Only when your mind, body and spirit
are calm and focused can you really and truly
understand the magic of the circle.
Tai Chi doesn't emphasize styles often
so you can forget the idea of styles completely.
Just do Tai Chi, okay?
- Right.
(grunting)
(yelling)
Rascal: Come on, Hoffin!
- Oh no.
We can't let him win, can we?
- I don't know.
- This isn't happening!
No one's held me off like this before!
(yelling)
(wood cracking)
(groaning)
- Yeah, you got him, Hoffin!
- Hey, there's no way you're gonna get out of here!
Charge!
- Hiya!
(screaming)
Hold on!
- Don't let go, please!
- Hogwild!
(groaning)
Little brother, little brother.
You okay, little brother?
- I'm alright, Hoffin saved me.
I'm in his debt now.
- An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
We should all live and let live.
- Those weasels are the ones
who thought this whole thing up to hurt Hoffin.
- That's our queue, come on.
- As I've said many times before, life is a mirror.
Smile into it and it will smile back.
Life is too short for selfish plotting
and scheming against each other.
Both: Please forgive us.
- Hoffin, now that you can perform Tai Chi
with a rightful mind, I have nothing more to teach you.
There's only one thing you need to keep in mind
and it is this.
- Let me guess, life is a mirror.
You smile into it, yatta yatta yatta.
Master, you've said it a thousand times.
- You're fed up with it, are you?
Well now, you'll never hear it again.
- Master, here I come!
- Come on.
Come on.
There's my boy.
Now take care.
(laughing)
- Okay, master.
I'll be seeing you.
Goodbye, master.
(adventurous music)
- Goodbye Hoffin.
And good luck.
- Farewell, master!
- Safe journey, goodbye!
Bye now!
See ya, bye!
- So Rascal, do you think I'm ready now
to take on Nian?
- Not again.
Kitchen god said you won't be ready
to face Nian and rescue your parents
until you find all the 12 sacred animals.
Face it, you're nowhere near a match for him yet, Hoffin.
- You're such a know-all.
(gentle music)
(neighing)
(bells ringing)
- Who's there?
No one may enter this place without permission.
Intruder, show yourself or I will deal harshly with you
when I find you!
- I've heard there's hidden treasure
under the red moon spring.
I've just come to have a look at it.
- Ha!
The grassland pearl is a sacred jewel
and I am responsible for keeping guard
over its resting place.
I do not believe that you'd come here just to look.
- Huh, what if I am here to get it?
Horse Voiceover: Where is he?
(neighing)
(shouting)
- Huh?
What?
Come out!
- Hiya!
- Whoa!
Huh?
Thief, you've been injured.
You better show yourself.
(laughing)
Why can't I move?
If you dare lay a hand on the grassland pearl,
I will destroy you!
(laughing)
(water splashing)
Stop!
If the pearl leaves the spring, this place
will become a barren desert!
Don't touch it!
- [Lizard Voiceover] Ah, the grassland pearl!
It's all mine!
(laughing)
I've got to get out of here!
What's going on?
- The grassland pearl.
- My lord, I am here to perform your task.
- Go to the northwest to see what just happened there.
- Yes my lord.
- The grassland pearl.
I have dreamt of it for a long time
and now that I'm free, it shall be mine.
- If I may ask, my lord,
what's special about this pearl?
- The grassland pearl radiates powerful energy.
Once I possess its power, I will be free
to come and go by day or by night as I please.
- I understand, my lord, I won't fail you.
- If you mess this one up, I will grind you
into crow pudding!
- Pudding, right my lord.
(laughing)
Horse Voiceover: Oh!
Red moon spring is gone, turned to arid wasteland.
I must get the grassland pearl back,
whatever the cost.
(neighing)
- Bigeye, how many times have I told you
never to walk in front of me, huh?
- Only three times.
- And you're not getting any
of those sweet potatoes I've got either.
- But why not?
- 'Cause they make your stomach go off like a rocket.
- Hey, what the?
- What are you two idiots doing here?
- Mr. Enforcer, we chased the kid here
and it wasn't easy, I can tell you.
- Well never mind him now.
I need you both to help me locate a particular treasure.
- A treasure?
- What time is it now, Rascal?
I'm getting pretty hungry.
- I have no idea.
I only know that it's not lunch time.
- Huh?
Am I still asleep?
Oh no, this is for real!
Rascal, wake up, we're in trouble, quick!
(yelling)
- A sandstorm, what are we gonna do?
Hoffin: I don't know!
(yelling)
- We're so gonna die here!
There's so much food I haven't tried!
- Rascal, hold on!
(explosion)
Wow, where are we?
- We're in the desert which is weird
because before the sandstorm, there was no desert.
- Hey, where's Mr. Teapot?
- Mr. Teapot, where are you?
Mr. Teapot, where are you?
Please, Mr. Teapot.
Mr. Teapot, are you here?
Will you come out, Mr. Teapot?
We can't leave here without him!
- Rascal, we've got to travel on foot
and look for food.
- Let's go now.
I don't wanna die in the desert!
And what if we can't find water
before we run out of steam?
We'll be a vulture buffet.
- Right, so we gotta find a way out.
Rascal: Hoffin, how much longer
before we can leave the desert?
Hoffin: I don't know, but let's follow the sun
and make it our guide for now.
- Huh?
What's this, the horse was telling the truth!
Take away the grassland pearl
and the grassland turns to dust.
Which proves the great value of this uncommon gem.
It's worth all the hardship I've just suffered.
I'm so tired, where does this desert end?
Oh no, there's no water left.
I must find water.
I'll be no use being a pearl swiping dead lizard.
- I'm hot!
(coughing)
- I'm bushed, where's Mr. Enforcer?
- Maybe he got lost.
I wonder.
Ah!
Bigeye: What's that?
- Take it!
- But it's not raining, Mr. Enforcer.
- Shut up!
Moron.
If Mr. Enforcer says take it, we take it.
Mr. Enforcer, what exactly is this for?
- Well you two snails walk much too slow.
Just hold on to this umbrella
and I'll float you along.
- Oh, okay, that's a plan, yeah.
What, what are you doing?
- I won't ever let go.
Even if we die.
- Oh boy, we're flying!
Bigeye: We're flying!
- I'm not good with heights.
I have a heart condition.
- Hey Longmouth, I like this flying.
- Cut the jabber.
Head northwest and bring me the grassland pearl.
Both: Sure thing, Mr. Enforcer.
- If you come back without that jewel,
Lord Nian will take your eyes out instead.
- Longmouth, you gotta let me get on top right now!
- I can't, I can't!
- The winds died down, Longmouth.
It's just no fun anymore.
- Huh?
What the?
Oh no, oh no, it's a sandstorm!
Bigeye, we're finished!
- Oh, a sandstorm.
Wow, I've never seen a sandstorm.
What a blast.
- We're dead, you moron!
- Hoffin, the winds are so strong,
I can't go any further.
- Hang on in there, Rascal, come on!
Wow!
- My mouth is full of sand.
I hate the desert.
Is that shelter ahead?
Hoffin: Yeah, but it looks like a ghost town.
- They must have water.
Rascal: What kind of a hideous place is this?
It gives me the heebie jeebies.
Let's keep moving, huh?.
There's no path from here.
- Oh, what happened to him?
Is he, do you think that--
- No, he must have run out of water
and fainted with the heat.
Oh, I think I saw him move.
Are my eyes playing tricks on me?
Hoffin: Here, let's give him some water.
- Oh, hey, you can't give him all our water.
We need it too, you know.
Let's go, Hoffin.
We need to hit the road now.
- But he'll die if we just leave him.
- We have to find your teachers, Hoffin.
- Huh?
Who are you guys and what are you up to?
- What are we up to?
Maybe we should be asking you that question.
We're the ones that gave you water and saved your life.
That's all, ingrate.
- My name's Hoffin.
This is Rascal.
We're certainly not robbers.
- Thank you, my two heroes, but what
are you doing in this desolate place?
- I don't know, why not ask him?
- Hey, I could go around pointing fingers
if I wanted to.
- And you, how did you get here?
You were injured, weren't you?
- They call me Shifty Bushranger.
I trade in medicines but a band
of robbers just grabbed me, stole all my stock,
and beat me with no mercy.
- I don't believe you.
- Which way did they go?
We can still catch them.
- They're too far away now.
Forget it, they're long gone.
I'm just so glad to be alive.
Thank you for your kindnesses.
- It was no trouble, none at all.
- So where are you going now?
- I will try and get past the desert
and connect with family on the other side
but I fear more robbers are lurking about.
- Don't worry, no one will dare hurt you
while I'm here.
- Oh my, you're such a dear boy, thank you.
Rascal: Hoffin, a word with you please.
- What is it, Rascal?
- Are you really thinking of helping this guy?
- Sure, you can see he's been robbed
and injured, we can't just leave him here.
- But I think he's lying.
If he was just beaten, then why
is he covered in old scars?
- Hello?
- Hoffin.
- Have you seen him do anything rotten?
How do you know he's a bad guy?
- Oh, well.
Rascal: Hoffin, wait.
- So Hoffin, where are you two headed?
- Actually, we're a bit lost.
- Oh, I know the way from here.
I travel this route often.
We can walk together from here.
That is, if you trust me.
- That's great news, just what we need.
Lead the way.
Rascal, let's go with Mr. Bushranger.
He'll get us out of this death trap.
- You'd best be on your way, then.
I'm tired and I'm gonna get some rest.
- You really don't wanna come?
I'm leaving.
- Well I'm staying.
- He's not coming, let's go.
- Okay.
(laughing)
- Hoffin, Hoffin!
You blind fool!
Don't you come crawling back to me, do you hear me?
(shouting)
- Longmouth, Longmouth!
Don't die!
There are so many sweet potatoes left to steal.
- Get off my back, you stupid moron.
Help me up, come on.
- Oh, you're alright.
That's really great.
So where are we now then, huh?
That rotten crow always sends us
to these despicable outposts.
Do you see any treasure here?
I'll tell you, Bigeye, we're gonna die here
on some wild goose chase.
- Wild goose, did you say wild goose?
Where?
Where is it, show me.
- Okay, just be quiet.
- So how do we get out of here?
- That way.
- Longmouth, look, I think that big wave
will take us out of here.
- It is awfully big.
What the, oh no!
It's a big weasel-killing whirlwind
and it's gonna--
(yelling)
- Hoffin!
I wouldn't have suffered all this craziness
if kitchen god hadn't asked me to.
So where will I go now, eh?
Ah yeah, I'll go home, back to my fishing village.
No, that's the last thing I need to do right now
because I promised kitchen god
that I'd help Hoffin find all the other sacred animals.
I must.
But I could hide from the kitchen god
in the old neighborhood.
(laughing)
But what would he think of me
if he ever found out the truth?
- Oh Rascal, can you really be this irresponsible?
- No, it's Hoffin!
He abandoned me!
- He's the star child and you're a sacred animal!
Help him complete his kung fu training, Rascal!
This is your mission!
- But really, how sacred am I anyway?
I mean, when you look at the other sacred animals,
they're all kung fu masters, aren't they?
I'm just a regular rat.
(laughing)
- If you do not help the rising star god
to prepare for his test, Nian
will plunge the earth into eternal darkness
and wreak havoc on all living things.
In the end, you and only you
will have been responsible for this, my little friend.
- Me, responsible for all that?
- Yeah, for all that and more.
- Nobody understands the good I've already done.
Nobody begins to understand that.
- My friend, all the living creatures you helped
to save shall remember you as a glorious member
of the circle of 12.
- Whatever.
I won't give up on him, kitchen god.
I'll carry out my assignment.
Hoffin, you owe me, just remember that.
- Hoffin, you said you'd protect me, didn't you?
But desert thieves can be very vicious, you know?
- Hey, don't you worry about them.
My diamond fist is ready to take care of them.
I've handled plenty of tough guys
like the three bruisers (mumbling)
and the boar brothers too.
- Uh-huh.
Care to demonstrate for me now?
- Sure thing.
(grunting)
- Oh bravo, Hoffin.
As long as you're around, I needn't worry
about any robbers.
- No, Mr. Bushranger, you can count on me.
(laughing)
Shifty: I believe I'll do just that.
Male: Guys, we haven't seen so much
as a shadow pass by all day.
Male Two: Yeah, and what could we steal
in this no man's land anyway?
Male Three: You two pipe down.
Hoffin: Ah!
Group: Huh?
- Finally, a place where we can rest at last.
Oh, I'm so tired.
- An inn in the middle of nowhere
seems odd, Hoffin.
We should keep on our toes.
- Don't worry.
You'll be fine as long as I'm here with you.
(chattering)
Are you fellow travelers lost like we are?
- Yeah, the sandstorm blew us off course
and then we got lost, right?
- Oh yeah.
We did too.
Huh?
Hey, what's that?
- Nothing.
We're (mumbling) who have lost our merchandise
in the storm.
We keep the odd weapon to protect ourselves
on the road, right guys?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, so you're merchants.
But you dress as if, hey, do you practice kung fu?
- Well robbers often approach us on the road.
We need to know a little something
to fight them off if need be.
- Oh, I see.
What styles do you practice?
How about we mix it up a little bit?
- Huh?
I only know a little bit of this and that, nothing special.
Showing you would be like teaching fish to swim.
- Huh?
(gasping)
Oh!
(wind blowing)
- Be careful.
Unexpected visitor.
Does he look like a robber to you?
He can't take his eyes off your stuff.
- Just relax, huh, relax.
- Gentlemen, where are you from and where are you heading?
- We're lost and just seeking shelter
from the sandstorm.
We're humble traveling traders, you see.
- Oh and you're trading in knives
and swords then, is that right?
- Oh this?
This is just a little travel insurance, that's all.
We all know how unsafe it can be out there,
now don't we, huh?
Come on.
(laughing)
- When he gets around to us tell him as little as possible.
Hoffin: Right.
- How about you two?
You also merchants?
- Yeah, I trade in medicines.
- Oh, a medicine merchant.
I see your left arm's injured.
So then, what happened to you?
- Well I was robbed of my stock
and injured into the bargain.
Luckily I met this absolute angel
who saved me or I'd be dead by now.
He really saved my life.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
- Hey, it seems to me this horse
is trying to steal our mark.
Male: Yeah, but we saw the green guy
and the kid first.
The horse can't just butt in like that.
Male Two: Zip it, guys, let me think.
(screaming)
- Help me somebody!
- I know it must be lunch time by now.
How long do I have to stay here?
- Until the stupid fairy comes to save you.
Oh, my arms are killing me!
(yelling)
- Longmouth, I feel dizzy!
Longmouth: Dizzy, I'm dying over here.
- [Shifty Voiceover] Does he realize who I am?
(yelling)
- We're falling, Bigeye!
(yelling)
(gasping)
- Now!
- You won't catch me!
- It's you!
Get out of my way!
- Whatever that lizard's got is ours!
(cracking)
- Wow, he's good!
Stop thief!
Keep away from Mr. Bushranger!
Horse: He's stolen the grassland pearl.
Get out of my way.
- Hey, did you hear him say grassland pearl?
- Yes I did, and the little brat's here too.
- I have no time to argue with you.
Stay out of this.
- You need a taste of the diamond fist!
(yelling)
(groaning)
As long as I'm here, you'll harm no one.
- I'm warning you, child.
- And I'm warning you!
Leave him alone!
(grunting)
Horse: Thief!
Give the grassland pearl back to me!
- It's you!
- Hoffin, is that horrible robber gone yet?
- That low life lizard's back again.
- I thought you'd left for good, Mr. Bushranger.
- Eh, I didn't go far.
I just ran away and hid down a hole for a bit.
- Oh, well I was worried that horse might've got you.
- You were so brave just now, Hoffin.
You're my little hero.
I would certainly have been attacked
by him and probably robbed if it were not
for you, my friend.
- Don't worry, any of those guys
would have to go through me to get you.
- Hey Hoffin, what about those three merchants?
Where are they?
- After you ran away, they fought with that horse
but he took care of each of them
with a single blow but I have no idea
where they might have gone to.
- They went away?
Maybe it's just as well.
We don't want too many people around.
I tell you what, we'll rest here tonight
and hit the road tomorrow.
What do you say, huh?
- Okay.
- Good, nobody's noticed us.
(laughing)
This is Hoffin's room.
The grassland pearl could be in here.
Check it out.
- It's always me.
- Get on with it.
Pathetic.
I hate this place.
Bigeye: Hey Longmouth!
- You got it?
Bigeye: No, I found this.
- Why you!
Stop thinking of food.
Come on.
- Okay.
- If it's not Hoffin's room,
it must be the lizard's room.
I'll go and have a look.
- Okay.
- Huh?
Where is the grassland pearl?
Huh?
Shifty: No, don't steal my beautiful gem, no!
Longmouth: Oh, it must be here!
(laughing)
- Grassland pearl.
I'll be rich, so filthy rich.
Oh, I love riches.
I'm gonna be rich, rich, rich, rich.
Longmouth: Now that's what I call a treasure.
- Yum!
Longmouth: Bigeyes!
- Yeah.
(laughing)
You found the pearl, huh, that's great.
- It's inside here.
- Yippee, well done!
- Sh, keep it down, will ya?
It's so dangerous out here we gotta
think of a good place to hide it
so no one can steal it from us.
- Okay.
- Move!
- [Rascal Voiceover] But I think he
made up this whole thing.
He says he was just beaten
so why is he covered in old scars, not new ones.
- They call me Shifty Bushranger,
I trade in medicines but a band of robbers
just grabbed me, stole my stock and beat me
with no mercy.
- No, I'm not going.
- You don't wanna come?
Well I'm leaving.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] It's not good this way.
I wish Rascal was here.
Rascal, where are you?
- Right, it's me again, kitchen god.
You know I've always tried to be a fairly upstanding rat.
It's killing me that there's no one there
to help the star child in his quest.
And yet at the same time,
I really want to smack him silly for his foolishness.
Now I'm in this creepy place all alone
wondering if I'm safe.
What's that noise?
Is it a monster or robbers?
What is it?
I can hardly breathe.
I've had it.
I'm sure it heard me.
(yelling)
(whimpering)
Sh, sh, be quiet Rascal.
I'm so scared!
I'll throw it this time, I swear I will!
I will!
- Hey little friend, who are you?
Why are you here?
- My name's Rascal, and what's yours?
(laughing)
- Catchy name.
Call me Guardian.
I watch over this place.
- Guardian?
It's so late now, why are you here?
You scared me.
What do you want?
- Well I was chasing a thief.
Why don't you find a safer place to rest.
Here is no good.
The sandstorm will more than likely fill this place
by morning.
If you stay here, you're gonna be buried alive
and you'll probably die.
- Why should I believe you?
- If you wish to stay, you better pray hard
to the gods of the wind.
They might just give you a special pass, little rat.
(grunting)
- I think I'll go with you.
- Now you believe me.
- Ah, you're a sacred animal!
- So Hoffin really is the star child.
- He's a robber.
Hoffin.
- What was that move?
- I call it the shadowless kick.
- You shifty weasels.
You stole my treasure and you dare to deceive me?
- No, don't!
- Help!
- You are a bunch of fools!
I want my grassland pearl!
(singing in foreign language)
(adventurous music)
- You just wait and see!
You'll regret this day, I promise!
My big brother Razorback is the leader
of the Wild Boar Gang.
- Head of the Wild Boar Gang?
(laughing)
- Huh?
What happened to me just now?
- I was about to ask you.
All I know is you beat the stuffing
out of that Hogwild.
(laughing)
- That was quite impressive.
(laughing)
- Well sir, though I've driven that hooligan
out of your shop for you, no thanks is necessary.
Some noodles will suffice.
(laughing)
- No way.
Son, look around there and there.
Look at the state of my shop.
You'll need to pay me, boy.
More than a bowl of noodles.
- What?
But we don't have any money.
- Oh.
(laughing)
I could do with some help here in the shop.
You can stay here and help me out.
What do you say, kid?
We got a deal?
- Yeah, okay.
- Longmouth, if we follow him
we'll get something tasty to eat.
- Hey, will you shut up about food?
Didn't you hear what that dimwit just said?
If this guy really has an influential brother
as he claims then Hoffin ain't gonna have a chance.
Come on, let's go.
(heavy breathing)
- Boy, that made me mad.
Embarrassing me like that in a public place.
It's not over, you little runt!
Ow, that really hurt!
No, I won't let it go!
My brother will help me take revenge.
We're gonna turn you inside out, trouble maker.
Take that and that!
(crashing)
(laughing)
What are you laughing at, you little pipsqueak?
(growling)
(sobbing)
I can't even take on a little hedgehog!
I got nothing to live for now!
Somebody kill me, kill me!
(spitting)
Huh?
- Excuse me, sir.
Are you by any chance the legendary warrior hero Hogwild?
Hiya, I'm Longmouth and this is Bigeye.
You see, we're here to help you.
- I don't need anybody's help.
- We heard that your big brother
is the celebrated kung fu master, Mr. Razorback,
and we would very much like to have a word with him
as head of the Wild Boar Club.
- Go ahead, find him, what's it to me?
- Oh, I just thought we three might
ask Mr. Razorback about getting even
with that little kid but if you think it's best,
we'll just try it alone.
- What little kid are you talking about?
- You know who I'm talking about.
The little punk who met you at the noodle house.
- Are you serious?
- You see, I've already come up with a cunning plan
but we need to convince your brother to back us up.
- Fine, I'll take you to him now.
- Cloudhand, hurry it up, will ya?
(laughing)
- You've got it, mister.
It's coming right up.
- Huh?
I'm sick of making dough all day.
- Huh?
Cloudhand: Smells great.
- Wow!
- Man, what a technique!
- Awesome.
- Wow!
- It's almost ready, fellas.
Coming through.
- You know, I have this funny feeling
that this is no ordinary pig.
Easy!
- Dough, dough, dough.
Oh, I should never have agreed to this.
Hiya!
- Stop it or we'll get another 10 years in here, Hoffin.
(grunting)
Cloudhand: Is the dough ready?
Hoffin: Huh?
- Ah!
(laughing)
- Huh, what's so funny?
(laughing)
- Here.
- Huh?
Oh.
Hiya!
(chopping)
Ya!
(yelling)
(sighing)
(shouting)
(plates shattering)
(laughing)
- We need some tables and chairs out here
and don't forget to wash those dishes.
- Good job.
Well, everything seems to be in order here.
Keep it up.
- Ha!
So many chores.
I've only got two hands.
- Hey!
- Why did I say yes?
- Wow, that was one dirty dish cloth.
Listen to Mr. Poor, poor me, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
- I'm gonna scream!
- Go ahead and scream, Hoffin.
And then you can stop your moaning, you big baby.
- Stop calling me a baby, you.
Or else I'll make you into noodles
and that'll be the end of you, do you hear me?
Well then.
Cloudhand: Put away the tofu.
- Make dough and cut vegetables all day everyday.
Now comes the tofu.
I have more important things to do.
Wait, I'm not done talking yet.
(shouting)
- Whoopsy daisy.
Baby.
(laughing)
(growling)
Let me go!
- Go ahead and laugh at me, you traitor.
(laughing)
- A task may be great or small
but in the small tasks lie the seat
of a great reward.
If you understand this, success will be yours.
- So what is it your saying?
(laughing)
- Hiya!
- Hey, whoa!
- That's just a block of tofu.
What's so special about that?
- You're right.
There's nothing special about it.
It certainly can't compare with your important business.
- You know this and yet you still won't let me go.
- Oh, you wanna leave?
- Ow!
Hey!
You don't believe me?
I'm a student of the Diamond Fist, you know.
(shouting)
- Impressive.
Since you're a kung fu ace, I guess this next thing
will be much too easy for you.
- Most likely.
What is it?
- Just to catch a block of tofu.
(laughing)
- No problem, throw it.
Huh?
Cloudhand: Catch.
- Hiya!
Got it.
Oh wait, what happened?
Huh?
(laughing)
Come on, do it again.
- Here boy, catch.
- What, again?
Huh?
- All that top quality tofu down the drain.
(laughing)
- Young man, you've suffered enough.
Listen, life is a mirror.
You smile into it and it smiles back.
Take it easy, it's nothing you can't handle.
- Hoffin?
(laughing)
Razorback: Ha!
Rah!
Hogwild: They attacked me, they jumped me,
they jumped me!
(grunting)
Bigeye: Ow!
Razorback: What did you say?
- Razorback, they attacked me, they jumped me!
Listen!
Oh please, listen!
(growling)
- What?
- Hey brother!
- Hm.
- Hey, didn't you hear me?
I was roughed up big time.
- Go on, go on.
I tell you, they're disgracing the honorable house
of Razorback.
- Yeah man, and they threatened us.
They said they'd ram our teeth down our throats
if they ever caught us in the town square again.
We've gotta uphold the honor of the gang,
ain't we, brother?
- I guess you'd be the expert
on shaming the house of Razorback, wouldn't you?
Time you learned a lesson.
(grunting)
- I just got creamed and you won't help me.
- You don't have to take that from him.
(shivering)
- We're brothers but it's not my job
to keep cleaning up after you.
Now dump these losers and get some real friends!
Voice: Humidity is low.
Take care against fire.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] I'll catch it this time.
- Ha!
- Here you go.
- Oh, I can't believe this.
Okay, come on.
- Remember, Cloudhand was saving this tofu for later.
What'll he do when he finds out it's all smashed?
- Leave that to me, just throw it over here.
- Okay, Hoffin.
It's your funeral.
- Hurry up!
(splatting)
Again!
Rascal: Last chunk.
- Oh, I know I can do it again.
- Phew, I'm exhausted.
I really need to have a little lie down.
- Rascal, come on, let's go!
- What, let's go?
I'm sorry, my young friend.
No tofu left.
- Huh?
Why didn't you tell me we were running out.
I thought we still had plenty left.
- I told you, Hoffin.
- Well, you need to get me some more tofu, Rascal.
- Hey, now you're losing your grip
in more ways than one.
Ow, let me go!
- You're a sacred animal ordered by the kitchen god
to help me out.
If you don't do it then when I see him,
I'm gonna tell him about every bumbling move you've made!
- You wouldn't dare!
Hoffin: We've gotta get fresh tofu in here before noon.
- You've completely lost your mind.
He's lost his mind here!
I've been away from home for a while now.
Kitchen god, when will I see your face again?
Kitchen god, I miss you.
When will this all be over?
Eh?
That noodle guy, Cloudhand.
Why is it I feel there's something strange about him?
I get the feeling he doesn't belong here.
I don't know.
That constant smile, those secret kung fu skills.
Well, could he be?
No, no.
Impossible for noodle king to be,
ah, I'm reading too much into it.
Voice: Humidity is low, take care against fire.
- Tofu, tofu!
My kingdom for some tofu!
Where can I get some tofu for Hoff?
Hey, it smells like tofu.
Huh?
It's gotta be here somewhere.
Boy oh boy, I've hit the jackpot.
(laughing)
Huh?
Busted!
That's one big cat.
- I say this.
You've got some nerve, lie fingers.
- Hoffin, Hoffin!
- Huh?
- Hoffin, Hoffin!
- Rascal, Rascal!
Let him go!
- What?
Are you two together?
Well this little imp was stealing my bean curd.
What a nerve.
- What?
Stealing your bean curd?
Rascal.
- I was trying to get tofu but was in such a hurry
that I forgot to pay.
It's true.
- Sorry, sorry.
It's my fault.
Rascal was out shopping for me today.
He didn't mean to steal your tofu.
Please forgive him this once.
Cat: Mommy.
- Huh?
- Big brother here said he was sorry.
Shouldn't we forgive him?
- Please?
Male: Hey, how about a little service over here?
- Coming right away.
I'll let you two go this time
but don't let it happen again, okay?
- Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Boar: I need two blocks of firm tofu.
Two dried ones and also give me four of the rice tofu.
- Coming right up.
- Huh?
- Here you are, please come again.
- Ah!
- Hey!
Don't touch my tofu!
Stop messing about and go home.
(laughing)
Pig: Hogwild's back!
- What are they running away from?
- Longmouth, now that Razorback's refused to help,
what are we gonna do?
We need a plan.
- Forget about him.
We don't need anybody else.
We can make him pay all by ourselves.
(shouting)
- Smells like rotten eggs.
- Oh, lots of pretty fireworks.
I like 'em, I like 'em!
(growling)
- How many times have I told you
not to let it rip in public, you big jerk.
- Cool, rockets!
- Why I, huh?
- These are my most favorite toys.
- Huh?
Oh yes!
Yeah, that gives me an idea!
- Huh?
(whispering)
- Huh, oh yeah, great idea.
- Cloudhand's got a real petty streak.
That was only 30, maybe 40 blocks of tofu we used up
and suddenly I'm out chopping down trees.
I'm bushed.
- It's a pity I can't do anything to help.
(laughing)
Longmouth: Are you ready, Bigeye?
Bigeye: Yeah, give me a second.
(laughing)
- Hoffin, there's no escaping us this time.
(laughing)
- Not unless he can outrun these rockets, Longmouth.
- Hey, are you two ready?
- All set.
- Yeah, we're all set.
- I'll place the squeaker in his path.
Once he steps on the squeaker,
you begin firing at him and keep letting him have it
until the squeaking stops.
You got that?
- Yeah, I think that that's a great idea.
(laughing)
- We'll blow him all the way to the heavens.
- Alright, Bigeye, it's time to hide.
Bigeye: Okay!
(laughing)
- I don't know how long he intends to keep me here, Rascal.
- Well, we have great food and a bed.
Life's a breeze right now.
- You're hopeless.
(laughing)
- You hear it?
Fire now!
- Gotcha!
Bigeye: Here goes!
(yelling)
(wood splintering)
- Ha ha, we got it!
Huh?
(laughing)
Hey my little precious.
You really did me a big favor.
Huh?
- Oh, that hurts.
- What about that there, kid?
- You again!
Seems you don't remember the lesson
I taught you the last time.
- Yeah, haven't you had enough?
Or does Hoffin really gotta teach you a proper lesson?
- Don't come any closer or you'll regret it!
I'm warning you!
- Ya, take this!
(shouting)
- Oh no!
You made me swallow my signaling device!
(laughing)
- Hey, there's the signal, let's fire.
- Here we go.
- Oh no, you dumb weasels!
It's me, it's me!
- Come on!
(rockets exploding)
(coughing)
(laughing)
Wow, that's awesome.
- Will you cut it out?
- Pardon me if I don't stick around but--
(squeaking)
(laughing)
- We got another signal.
(screaming)
- Mommy!
(laughing)
- I'm loving this.
You deserve it, you big brute!
- Longmouth, we still got one big one left.
- Yes!
Oh boy, I'm really loving this.
- It's just too funny!
(laughing)
- You dance divinely, Hogwild!
(laughing)
- Oh, my aching backside!
Hey!
(laughing)
The signal has stopped working!
It stopped working!
(squeaking)
- Fire!
(laughing)
- Hey, it's me!
Stop!
It's me, can't you see it's me?
Stop it!
(yelling)
(rocket whistling)
(rocket exploding)
- Wow, look at that, it's beautiful.
(laughing)
- Hoffin'll like that.
(yelling)
Hogwild: Oh my head, my head!
(laughing)
- What an idiot!
The poor guy, did you see his face?
Stop, it's me!
Super funny.
- I swallowed it, I swallowed it!
Hey, you know what?
Well all this laughing has made me hungry.
- Yeah, I could eat something.
- Well, you'd better clean up this mess.
It looks like an explosion at a tofu factory around here
from your practice earlier.
Hurry up or he'll only give you more chores to do.
- Ah, tofu and more tofu.
I can't catch the stuff without breaking it.
- Yeah, somewhere in that little body
is the mighty star god Polaris,
night beacon of the ages.
But just look at you now.
- What?
I ain't dumb.
Even if I weren't the star god,
the tofu thing wouldn't be a problem forever.
You just wait.
(laughing)
- Alright, here we go.
Fire one!
(upbeat music)
(sighing)
- I just can't catch it.
- Oh boy!
How can you mangle tofu like that?
How can you mangle tofu like that?
- Hey Rascal!
- What?
- Hey, come on Rascal, let's give it another try.
- Please, it's light and I'm sleepy, okay?
- Let's go!
Hey!
- I can't believe you did it!
- Yeah, again!
- Okay.
(laughing)
- Hey Hoffin.
Catch it.
- Wow!
- I did it, I did it!
Hey, how about that, Cloudhand?
What'd you think, Cloudhand?
- You've got potential, kid.
You really showed us what you can do.
(laughing)
Now get some rest.
- Brother, brother!
(sobbing)
- What the heck?
What's been going on?
- Mister, we must take revenge against them all.
- Come here!
Now tell me what happened and quick!
- It's Hoffin, sir, it's Hoffin!
- Spit it out, who did this?
- It was Hoffin, that terrible boy.
He worked at Cloudhand's noodle shop
and Hogwild was eating there
and he found a big bug in his noodles
and all he wanted was his noodles replaced.
Is that too much to ask?
I mean come on.
But this Hoffin, this little beast,
he beat up Hogwild really bad.
It was awful, sir, awful to watch.
We must get revenge, sir.
We must have revenge!
Please sir!
- Yeah, revenge, revenge!
- That's right.
We've gotta teach him a lesson.
- Where is this delinquent?
- Candy fruit, candy fruit.
Sweet, sweet candy fruit.
One stick is never enough.
Candy fruit puts a smile on your face.
Candy fruit!
Hey kid, how about it?
Oh, you're the lucky one, kid.
Mommy bought you two.
Here you go.
Enjoy.
Candy fruit, beautiful sweet candy fruit.
Hoffin: Mom, dad!
Oh, I miss you guys.
Nian.
- Razorback, king of the boars coming.
Outta of the way, you peasant.
Razorback is coming.
Time for you to learn who's boss around here, Hoffin.
- Huh?
You again!
- Yeah, but we ain't alone.
We come with Razorback.
He'll soon set you straight.
He's gonna pulverize you, you got that?
- Yeah, pulverize, see?
Just like that.
- Ha, I'm not afraid of any old boar.
(laughing)
- You'd better give up now
or you'll be totally annihilated.
- I'll tell you something else, sprout.
We're in league with Nian.
- Shut up, idiot.
What are you, the six o'clock news?
- What's that?
Nian?
You were working for Nian all this time.
- Hey kid, you the one who insulted my brother, huh?
- You guys are nothing.
You're just like flunkies working for Nian.
Oh, that smarts.
This guy's no pushover.
- Get him!
- Hiya!
- Oh!
(wood cracking)
(yelling)
- Look out, Hoffin!
(laughing)
Hoffin!
- Beat him, beat him!
- Hoffin, you're okay.
- I ain't finished with you.
(laughing)
- Huh, it's Polaris.
- Welcome to Cloudhand's Noodle Paradise.
- [Rascal Voiceover] Cloudhand's not bad.
- Care for a bowl of the hot stuff?
It's good.
- Hey, this is none of your business.
Stay out of the way, got it?
- Stay out.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should be more careful.
(groaning)
Come on now, everybody.
Sit down and try my noodles.
Good food makes for a good mood, right?
I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding
and a nice little talk will help calm us down
and see if we can't settle things.
- Misunderstanding?
This little thug nearly killed my brother.
- Hey, little Hoffin's working here for me.
Won't you give him a break?
Just for me?
- No way!
- Huh?
- A secret animal!
- Take it easy.
Hey, how about this?
You leave him alone for a month
and after that you can come gunning for him
anytime you like 'cause by then
he'll no longer be working for me
and I'll be just a simple bystander.
So what do you think, huh?
- [Razorback Voiceover] Cloudhand's kung fu
is better than mine.
I take the kid now and he'll make me pay
for the privilege.
- So a month from now you'll steer clear?
(laughing)
- Absolutely.
I can promise you that.
Razorback: Okay, in a month's time.
- Well we have a deal then.
In a month from now you can both slug it out
on the beacon tower of the Great Wall.
How's that sound?
- Right.
Hey kid, you agree?
- Huh, you'll get a beating.
- Yeah, we'll see about that.
- Just hold on, son.
(clacking)
(shouting)
- It's alright.
- Oh great.
I thought we could have a peaceful time here
and now look what we have to deal with.
- I made a deal.
I won't run away.
- Everything is determined by yin and yang.
Maybe it's not such a bad thing,
Razorback's challenge.
- You're one of the masters I've been seeking.
- Yeah, I should have realized it earlier
but it was hard to spot
because you were this totally nerdy noodle dude.
Ain't that a strange career for a master like you?
Fierce is a secret animal too
but he's a famous swordsman.
Slinging noodles ain't exactly impressive.
- There's nothing unseemly in it.
- Hi, my name's Rascal, another secret animal.
How you doing?
Don't believe me.
Now take a look at this.
There, you see?
- Ah yes, I see and you certainly hide it pretty well.
(laughing)
- That's right, brother.
- Master, what can you teach me?
- I can teach you, young man,
to be a really top class noodle chef.
- Wow!
(laughing)
Wow, what are these super sized jars for.
Rascal: Hey Hoffin, look at this.
I found a walnut.
Take a look, see?
- Huh?
What's he doing?
- Tai Chi Quan is an internally centered martial art.
It fully embodies the balance between yin and yang.
Between hardness and softness.
On the hard side, Tai Chi requires
that you unleash your strength which is enhanced
through cultivation of ki and the training
of the body itself.
And on the soft side, whenever you are (mumbling)
you endeavor to offset your opponent's strength
and where possible, redirect your opponent's power
back towards him.
This should enable you to defeat him.
(shouting)
- That was awesome!
Wow, that's amazing!
Tai Chi is so intense.
Teach it to me now.
(laughing)
- Alright but you must start from the beginning.
- Oh!
(yelling)
(clanking)
What's up with this?
How can I do this?
- Whoa!
My teeth!
No nut gets the better of me!
You're in for a smashing.
- Oh, a walnut, good!
- Hey, that was my--
(shouting)
- Hoffin.
(laughing)
It may look like a spinning top
but this is not a toy.
(laughing)
- Wow, you've got it spinning.
- Now Hoffin, you try and stop it from spinning.
- I just stop it, right.
This is easy.
(yelling)
- Remember, no matter how hard the blow you endure,
redirect its strength and fight back.
(yelling)
(laughing)
The rotation of the top, it symbolizes the eight strengths
of Tai Chi.
Now you must practice.
(grunting)
Now Hoffin, you know how to release Tai Chi energy?
- I don't, master.
(laughing)
- Like this.
You have to maneuver in such a way
as to concentrate your whole body's energy
into a smoothness and let it flow, understand?
- Yes.
(groaning)
- Hey, easy, boy.
It doesn't have to be like that.
(passing gas)
- What a relief!
- What a stink!
- Boy, you just about killed me here.
Cloudhand: That is Tai Chi strength.
- They're still at it?
- You must lead your enemy and derail his next move.
Then you'll find yourself with a winning hand.
(yelling)
- He's trying to crack Tai Chi.
I can't even crack this nut.
- Now, besides attacking your enemy physically, son,
you must vanquish his mental powers also.
You see?
- Huh?
- Ha ha!
Hey, Rascal.
- I'm right here.
- It hurts, what a trick!
- That's not a trick, lad.
Distraction is a useful strategy.
(laughing)
Now, to bring your opponent down
you have to land shoulders into play.
(laughing)
I nearly forgot, you use your little tushy too.
That's pretty comfy.
(shouting)
You're like my own comfy little armchair.
Use your Tai Chi strength to offset the attack against you.
Soften it, perhaps even totally erase it.
It is possible.
(laughing)
Keep in mind the four principles.
Technique, engagement, subjugation, reverse.
- Crow!
- Master.
I'm at your service, sir.
- Have you completed the task I gave you?
- Well sir, it's those two lazy stupid weasels
holding this up but be assured, lord,
I'll get you what you want.
- And now!
- Yes sir, the boy is yours!
I'll bring him to you very soon, very soon.
I'm okay, I'm okay!
- Pushing hands.
This technique is used to push back
at your enemy like you don't want,
like his kicks and punches, et cetera, et cetera.
- But what if I can't push back?
- That depends upon your level of Tai Chi.
- How boring.
Back and forth all day long, so repetitive.
- How about a game?
We use the technique we've learned
to try and get the ball into the basket.
- A game?
I love games, bring it on!
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
Whoa!
- Ha, he scores!
- And again!
Turn it around!
- This is definitely not pushing hands.
- He shoots and scores to tie the game.
- Oh no, not until it drops all the way through.
(laughing)
Hey, cut it out, that tickles!
(laughing)
(groaning)
- That brute was stupid to set up a duel
a month from now.
I mean why should we wait, huh?
Now we're stuck here looking after this genius.
- Hey there, brother Longmouth.
I need a snack.
- You wanna snack, fat boy?
No problem, so long as your dumb brother
will take that kid down now.
- What?
Oh no, my brother could never go back on his word.
If he said he'll wait a month for the duel,
he'll wait a month.
- Really?
Now you listen.
If you refuse to persuade him, well then,
I'll lock you up right here
and I'll let you starve, you got it?
- Please don't do this to me, brother Longmouth.
I gotta have food.
Help me, I'll go see my brother.
- Ah.
(laughing)
That's what I like to hear.
Bigeye, come on, let's help him up.
(grunting)
- You should try losing weight.
You're like a ton of bricks.
Help me, it smells like bacon down here.
Get me out, get me out!
(spitting)
(groaning)
- Come on, get up.
Hey.
(laughing)
(passing gas)
- I'm choking!
Hey!
(chuckling)
Longmouth, you just let it rip with a brain stunner.
- What?
No way.
A smooth, refined guy like me,
participate in such vulgarity?
Why, the very idea makes me feel faint!
- Me too, ugh!
Loudmouth: Look alive, blubber belly!
Crow: What are you two idiots doing now?
- Oh, Mr. Razorback sir, we have offended your poor,
kind excellency and we humbly apologize.
Forgive us!
Crow: Who's Razorback and what are you babbling about?
- Oh, it's you.
- What are you up to here?
Got the kid?
- Mr. Enforcer, I can explain everything.
We kept track of Hoffin and we almost had him but then--
(sped up voices mumbling quickly)
- Ah.
Well you'll be allowed to live if you just
stop sniveling for a minute.
But Lord Nian's losing patience with failure.
- Mr. Enforcer, please let him know everything
I just told you and that we won't
ever let him down, not ever again.
- Remember, you've got no choice but to succeed.
Keep trying to drive a wedge between the pig
and the boy, I want those two at each other's throats, okay?
Loudmouth: You can count on us, Mr. Enforcer.
- You're on the clock, geniuses.
- Yes, of course sir.
And happy flying, sir!
- Oh, I think he's gone.
- Ha, every time I have a great idea
that flying garbage disposal steals it
and tells Nian it's his.
We're not getting a fair shake here
thanks to that flying rat.
Razorback: Hey, what are you two doing here?
(yelping)
- I was only joking, Mr. Enforcer sir.
You know, we worship you really, sir.
(laughing)
- Don't kill me, don't kill me.
- Don't kill us, sir.
- Who's this enforcer and how's my brother?
- Oh, look at you.
Why are you lying here you poor dear?
So brave, so noble and strong.
- I expect to see better care for my brother
from now on or I'll make you pay a thousand times
for this insolence.
Longmouth: Yes sir, Mr. Razorback.
- Brother, they want to--
(laughing)
- Poor angel, he needs his rest.
- Then why are you standing here?
Take him home to bed, got it?
- Yeah!
(chuckling)
Bye Mr. Razorback.
He'll get the very best care, I assure you.
- Hey, it's okay, he's gone.
- Get off of me!
- Today we will take a close look
at a special-ity of mine.
- Wow, a special-ity!
What kind of kung fu?
- Making dough.
- Huh?
You gotta be kidding me.
(laughing)
- Quite the joker, huh?
Now whether your noodles are gonna taste good
or not depends principally on the ingredients you select.
Then even more important than that is the dough.
The one thing you have to get right
above all else is--
(sneezing)
is the dough.
(coughing)
Excuse me.
There's a saying.
Smooth winds and smoother waters
may delight the weary traveler
but if you have a smooth dough
then you can make noodles that will
drive everybody wild, what's so funny?
- Oh, I'm sorry, but what does making noodles
have to do with kung fu, huh?
(laughing)
- I'm in no hurry.
Now let's consider this question, Hoffin.
Why is it that my noodles are so incredibly popular?
The answer to this, of course,
is that I always make my noodles
using the principals of Tai Chi Quan.
- Tai Chi?
- That's right.
Used in the art of dough making.
Yes, that way noodles cut from my dough
are as pliable as silver thread
and as silky smooth as a spider's web
and sumptuously springy too.
- Boring.
- You see, within the form a single noodle
lies all the accumulated knowledge
of my kung fu skills in total.
- I don't get it!
- That's alright.
Look, it's like this.
The circle of Tai Chi is composed
of yin and yang, often seen as softness and hardness.
Now it is a fact that softness
can overcome hardness.
Yes, in the same way that flowing water
can overcome rock.
Gentle perseverance is key.
Tai Chi seeks balance.
- Wow!
- Tai Chi doesn't have a load of fancy styles
which means as long as you harness
and channel the energy within,
you can perform it pretty much as instant direction.
You see?
Easy.
- Oh!
- The shape of this dough represents the essence
of Tai Chi, a circle which contains everything
in our world.
- Whoa!
- You're there, I'm there, everything is there.
(wind blowing)
- Oh wow, that's intense!
Huh?
(laughing)
Cloudhand: And we're done.
- Master, that was awesome!
- Make it a part of yourself.
Put strength into it.
Link your strength to your will.
Then we're talking major awesomeness.
It takes practice.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Once I do this,
I can rescue mom and dad, yeah!
(grunting)
- Dreaming on Walnut Island.
Hey Hoffin, are you still making dough?
- Yeah, I have to learn Tai Chi,
then tackle Razorback.
He's in league with Nian.
- So boring.
(laughing)
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Tai Chi is tough.
- [Cloudhand Voiceover] Gentle perseverance,
inner strength, balance above all things.
- Balance.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Mom, dad, I'll do it for you.
(upbeat music)
- Ah!
Ha!
Hiya!
Hey, I moved it, it moved, wow!
I really did it!
But I can't really control it yet.
(downbeat music)
Aha!
- Hey, what are you still doing here, Cloudhand?
Hey, he was doing alright a minute ago.
What happened?
Cloudhand: He is filled with rage
and hatred for Nian so he loses patience
while he is training.
This is not good.
- Not good.
- Not good because Tai Chi requires great calm
and concentration.
His currents of the mind could draw him down
into a dark abyss of anger.
- Whoa, sounds scary.
So what should Hoffin do then?
(laughing)
- Well, life is a mirror, Rascal.
You smile into it and it smiles back.
- Yeah but how do we get him to smile into it first?
- To learn Tai Chi, he must neutralize his anger
and if there is anyway we can help
then we must be there for him.
- Ha!
Oh.
- You can't give up, Hoffin.
- Huh?
(laughing)
- Now Hoffin, one cannot be impetuous
when practicing Tai Chi.
Behold!
(laughing)
You see, only when you are perfectly calm and focused
can you really understand the magic
of the perfect circle.
- Whoa!
- Wow, that's amazing!
- Like I said, everything lives in the circle of balance.
You must calm yourself and observe the space around you
to discern your own place inside the circle.
Look at the track of that mosquito.
That's also a circle.
You will find there are lots more examples.
Ah, oh, it itches.
(laughing)
See, Hoffin?
Observe with your heart.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Calm, calm and focused.
Everything lives within the circle of balance.
- Do you feel well?
It's only three days now until the showdown with Razorback.
- Stronger than ever, master.
- Oh, that's good.
(clanking)
- Huh?
- Oh dear, how careless of me.
Hoffin, help me to tidy them up using Tai Chi.
(clanking)
(laughing)
Hoffin, you have grasped the form of Tai Chi
but you have yet to grasp its essence, I see.
- Essence?
- Becoming one with an object to gain control of it
requires mental power.
You will grasp this essence once your noodle-making skill
is up there with mine.
- Hey Hoffin.
Do you know what Cloudhand's talking about?
And what is this essence anyway, huh?
- [Hoffin Voiceover] Essence.
Something that's there but you can't see it,
touch it, so how do you grasp it?
One thing's for sure.
- Today I'm gonna make the best noodles ever.
(upbeat music)
- Woo hoo hoo hoo!
(laughing)
That's it, Hoffin.
It's just like Cloudhand's dough!
- Oh yeah!
- Cloudhand, are my noodles ready?
Hurry up, man!
- Here you go.
Bon appetit.
- Coming through, coming through!
- Hey!
- Hey, you got an apprentice, Cloudhand?
(laughing)
(laughing)
- Oh!
- The customers will decide whose taste best.
The champion's or the challenger's.
- Sure thing, kid.
- Smells like a winner.
Here they come.
Dig in, everyone.
- Hey, take it easy there.
(slurping)
- Well I would say as a gourmet
who's eaten all over the world that, uh.
- Come on, Rascal.
- It's perfect!
- Oh, hooray!
(laughing)
Pig: Hey, I want some more!
Pig Two: Leave me some!
(laughing)
- I'm glad you like 'em.
I'll bring out some more.
- Yeah, very nice.
But a little chewier would be better.
- Not chewy enough.
- Not chewy, Hoff.
I felt the same way.
- Rascal!
- Hold on and let me try 'em.
Not bad, Hoffin, not bad.
Your noodles taste great
but you could still do better I think.
- What is missing?
I did exactly what you did, Cloudhand,
step by step.
Did I overlook something along the way?
How is that possible?
- You didn't forget a single thing.
Each step was just fine
but where your hand and eye are perfect,
there the mind must follow suit.
- Are you talking about essence again?
- Yes, your faults are bound to the food you make
and what's more, the quality of those thoughts
will be felt by all who taste your creation.
You must first free your mind from all burdens
and then create.
- Slow down, son.
There's plenty more.
- Oh mom, tell me why your noodles are so delicious.
- 'Cause I'm filled with love when I make them
and I bet you can feel that love too.
- Oh.
Oh, now I get it.
- Wow, a shooting star!
Make a wish!
My wish is for great food everyday
and for the kitchen god's happiness
and to crack walnuts without injury
and for Hoffin to crush Razorback
like a bug that's all, that's all--
- [Hoffin Voiceover] I wish to defeat Nian
and save my mom and dad.
- Tell me, Hoffin, what did you wish for?
- I'm not supposed to tell, Rascal.
(yawning)
I'm going to bed.
(shouting)
- I hope he'll be ready for action again tomorrow.
- Be in no doubt.
Tomorrow's fight will be extremely tough for Hoffin.
He will only gain a victory if he is at last
able to harness the mental power of Tai Chi.
- Oh just look at you.
Both: You look awesome.
- Mr. Razorback, you look fabulous.
You're a born winner.
No one could beat you.
If I didn't know you better, I'd think you
were the emperor himself.
You ride with the gods.
Hoffin is really in for it today.
- Yeah, he's in for it.
- Magnificent.
Razorback: Why don't you two shut up?
(laughing)
- A hulking body but not a brain in his head.
Leave the thinking to me
and we'll just leave the two of them to kill each other.
- You're just so smart.
(laughing)
- Hoffin, here on the Great Wall
among the mountains, do you realize
just how tiny we really are?
Meditate on this truth.
View the vastness of heaven and earth
and become one with all you see.
(laughing)
- Look, there they are.
I thought surely you'd chicken out, wonder boy.
So let's welcome--
- The undefeated--
Both: Tower of a pig, the fabulous Mr. Razorback.
(growling)
- Well today I'm gonna teach you guys a lesson
you'll never ever forget.
Ha!
- You cocky little punk!
You got a big mouth.
Now come here.
I'm gonna teach you some respect for your elders, boy.
Longmouth!
- Yeah, Mr. Razorback.
Do it, get him with some lightning blows!
Do it for good old Hogwild!
- Yeah, crush him!
Then we can all go home!
- What?
Imbecile.
If you'd kept quiet nobody would know you're so dumb.
- Hoffin, be careful.
- Hey big brother, show 'em who's boss around here.
- Look out, kid!
- Ya!
(growling)
(groaning)
My hand!
(laughing)
- What's wrong with Hoffin?
He knows he'll never be able to throw a punch
with Razorback's power.
(laughing)
- That fool kid.
He's totally forgotten their last meeting.
- And my brother gave you a break, kid.
Otherwise, you'd have fainted from the pain.
- Hey kid, you appear to have made some real progress
in a month.
But not nearly enough!
- Oh, you think you're as tough as nails
but softness can overcome hardness.
Master, now I am ready.
- Wow!
- So, the old Cloudhand routine.
Very impressive.
Brace yourself, kid!
And this time I won't be going easy on you!
Get this!
(groaning)
- Hey Hoffin, great job.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, just how did he do that?
- That move wasn't bad kid
but all the fancy footwork in the world
won't save you from my next blow.
(yelling)
- Oh boy, that guy's a killer.
One good punch and Hoffin
might never get back on his feet.
(yelling)
Hoffin!
- You can only get this kind of training in actual battle.
- Get up, Hoffin.
Why don't you get up and teach us all a lesson.
Just look at him.
He's not so Mr. Cocksure now, is he?
- Get up, you little coward!
Look kid, you're no slouch.
I'll say that for you.
So if you apologize now I might be willing to spare you.
- No way, Razorback, and I'll still find a way to beat you.
- What?
What did you say?
The nerve of this kid is beyond belief.
I need to straighten you out right now.
(growling)
Let's see how much you can take.
- Hoffin's great but he's no Tai Chi wizard yet.
He can't defect all those powerful jabs.
Hey Cloudhand, you gotta do something!
- Make yourself part of him.
Rascal: He meant something that might work.
- Link your strength to your will.
- Master?
- Internalize the infinite and be one with it.
So embrace Tai Chi with a pure mind.
Only when your mind, body and spirit
are calm and focused can you really and truly
understand the magic of the circle.
Tai Chi doesn't emphasize styles often
so you can forget the idea of styles completely.
Just do Tai Chi, okay?
- Right.
(grunting)
(yelling)
Rascal: Come on, Hoffin!
- Oh no.
We can't let him win, can we?
- I don't know.
- This isn't happening!
No one's held me off like this before!
(yelling)
(wood cracking)
(groaning)
- Yeah, you got him, Hoffin!
- Hey, there's no way you're gonna get out of here!
Charge!
- Hiya!
(screaming)
Hold on!
- Don't let go, please!
- Hogwild!
(groaning)
Little brother, little brother.
You okay, little brother?
- I'm alright, Hoffin saved me.
I'm in his debt now.
- An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
We should all live and let live.
- Those weasels are the ones
who thought this whole thing up to hurt Hoffin.
- That's our queue, come on.
- As I've said many times before, life is a mirror.
Smile into it and it will smile back.
Life is too short for selfish plotting
and scheming against each other.
Both: Please forgive us.
- Hoffin, now that you can perform Tai Chi
with a rightful mind, I have nothing more to teach you.
There's only one thing you need to keep in mind
and it is this.
- Let me guess, life is a mirror.
You smile into it, yatta yatta yatta.
Master, you've said it a thousand times.
- You're fed up with it, are you?
Well now, you'll never hear it again.
- Master, here I come!
- Come on.
Come on.
There's my boy.
Now take care.
(laughing)
- Okay, master.
I'll be seeing you.
Goodbye, master.
(adventurous music)
- Goodbye Hoffin.
And good luck.
- Farewell, master!
- Safe journey, goodbye!
Bye now!
See ya, bye!
- So Rascal, do you think I'm ready now
to take on Nian?
- Not again.
Kitchen god said you won't be ready
to face Nian and rescue your parents
until you find all the 12 sacred animals.
Face it, you're nowhere near a match for him yet, Hoffin.
- You're such a know-all.
(gentle music)
(neighing)
(bells ringing)
- Who's there?
No one may enter this place without permission.
Intruder, show yourself or I will deal harshly with you
when I find you!
- I've heard there's hidden treasure
under the red moon spring.
I've just come to have a look at it.
- Ha!
The grassland pearl is a sacred jewel
and I am responsible for keeping guard
over its resting place.
I do not believe that you'd come here just to look.
- Huh, what if I am here to get it?
Horse Voiceover: Where is he?
(neighing)
(shouting)
- Huh?
What?
Come out!
- Hiya!
- Whoa!
Huh?
Thief, you've been injured.
You better show yourself.
(laughing)
Why can't I move?
If you dare lay a hand on the grassland pearl,
I will destroy you!
(laughing)
(water splashing)
Stop!
If the pearl leaves the spring, this place
will become a barren desert!
Don't touch it!
- [Lizard Voiceover] Ah, the grassland pearl!
It's all mine!
(laughing)
I've got to get out of here!
What's going on?
- The grassland pearl.
- My lord, I am here to perform your task.
- Go to the northwest to see what just happened there.
- Yes my lord.
- The grassland pearl.
I have dreamt of it for a long time
and now that I'm free, it shall be mine.
- If I may ask, my lord,
what's special about this pearl?
- The grassland pearl radiates powerful energy.
Once I possess its power, I will be free
to come and go by day or by night as I please.
- I understand, my lord, I won't fail you.
- If you mess this one up, I will grind you
into crow pudding!
- Pudding, right my lord.
(laughing)
Horse Voiceover: Oh!
Red moon spring is gone, turned to arid wasteland.
I must get the grassland pearl back,
whatever the cost.
(neighing)
- Bigeye, how many times have I told you
never to walk in front of me, huh?
- Only three times.
- And you're not getting any
of those sweet potatoes I've got either.
- But why not?
- 'Cause they make your stomach go off like a rocket.
- Hey, what the?
- What are you two idiots doing here?
- Mr. Enforcer, we chased the kid here
and it wasn't easy, I can tell you.
- Well never mind him now.
I need you both to help me locate a particular treasure.
- A treasure?
- What time is it now, Rascal?
I'm getting pretty hungry.
- I have no idea.
I only know that it's not lunch time.
- Huh?
Am I still asleep?
Oh no, this is for real!
Rascal, wake up, we're in trouble, quick!
(yelling)
- A sandstorm, what are we gonna do?
Hoffin: I don't know!
(yelling)
- We're so gonna die here!
There's so much food I haven't tried!
- Rascal, hold on!
(explosion)
Wow, where are we?
- We're in the desert which is weird
because before the sandstorm, there was no desert.
- Hey, where's Mr. Teapot?
- Mr. Teapot, where are you?
Mr. Teapot, where are you?
Please, Mr. Teapot.
Mr. Teapot, are you here?
Will you come out, Mr. Teapot?
We can't leave here without him!
- Rascal, we've got to travel on foot
and look for food.
- Let's go now.
I don't wanna die in the desert!
And what if we can't find water
before we run out of steam?
We'll be a vulture buffet.
- Right, so we gotta find a way out.
Rascal: Hoffin, how much longer
before we can leave the desert?
Hoffin: I don't know, but let's follow the sun
and make it our guide for now.
- Huh?
What's this, the horse was telling the truth!
Take away the grassland pearl
and the grassland turns to dust.
Which proves the great value of this uncommon gem.
It's worth all the hardship I've just suffered.
I'm so tired, where does this desert end?
Oh no, there's no water left.
I must find water.
I'll be no use being a pearl swiping dead lizard.
- I'm hot!
(coughing)
- I'm bushed, where's Mr. Enforcer?
- Maybe he got lost.
I wonder.
Ah!
Bigeye: What's that?
- Take it!
- But it's not raining, Mr. Enforcer.
- Shut up!
Moron.
If Mr. Enforcer says take it, we take it.
Mr. Enforcer, what exactly is this for?
- Well you two snails walk much too slow.
Just hold on to this umbrella
and I'll float you along.
- Oh, okay, that's a plan, yeah.
What, what are you doing?
- I won't ever let go.
Even if we die.
- Oh boy, we're flying!
Bigeye: We're flying!
- I'm not good with heights.
I have a heart condition.
- Hey Longmouth, I like this flying.
- Cut the jabber.
Head northwest and bring me the grassland pearl.
Both: Sure thing, Mr. Enforcer.
- If you come back without that jewel,
Lord Nian will take your eyes out instead.
- Longmouth, you gotta let me get on top right now!
- I can't, I can't!
- The winds died down, Longmouth.
It's just no fun anymore.
- Huh?
What the?
Oh no, oh no, it's a sandstorm!
Bigeye, we're finished!
- Oh, a sandstorm.
Wow, I've never seen a sandstorm.
What a blast.
- We're dead, you moron!
- Hoffin, the winds are so strong,
I can't go any further.
- Hang on in there, Rascal, come on!
Wow!
- My mouth is full of sand.
I hate the desert.
Is that shelter ahead?
Hoffin: Yeah, but it looks like a ghost town.
- They must have water.
Rascal: What kind of a hideous place is this?
It gives me the heebie jeebies.
Let's keep moving, huh?.
There's no path from here.
- Oh, what happened to him?
Is he, do you think that--
- No, he must have run out of water
and fainted with the heat.
Oh, I think I saw him move.
Are my eyes playing tricks on me?
Hoffin: Here, let's give him some water.
- Oh, hey, you can't give him all our water.
We need it too, you know.
Let's go, Hoffin.
We need to hit the road now.
- But he'll die if we just leave him.
- We have to find your teachers, Hoffin.
- Huh?
Who are you guys and what are you up to?
- What are we up to?
Maybe we should be asking you that question.
We're the ones that gave you water and saved your life.
That's all, ingrate.
- My name's Hoffin.
This is Rascal.
We're certainly not robbers.
- Thank you, my two heroes, but what
are you doing in this desolate place?
- I don't know, why not ask him?
- Hey, I could go around pointing fingers
if I wanted to.
- And you, how did you get here?
You were injured, weren't you?
- They call me Shifty Bushranger.
I trade in medicines but a band
of robbers just grabbed me, stole all my stock,
and beat me with no mercy.
- I don't believe you.
- Which way did they go?
We can still catch them.
- They're too far away now.
Forget it, they're long gone.
I'm just so glad to be alive.
Thank you for your kindnesses.
- It was no trouble, none at all.
- So where are you going now?
- I will try and get past the desert
and connect with family on the other side
but I fear more robbers are lurking about.
- Don't worry, no one will dare hurt you
while I'm here.
- Oh my, you're such a dear boy, thank you.
Rascal: Hoffin, a word with you please.
- What is it, Rascal?
- Are you really thinking of helping this guy?
- Sure, you can see he's been robbed
and injured, we can't just leave him here.
- But I think he's lying.
If he was just beaten, then why
is he covered in old scars?
- Hello?
- Hoffin.
- Have you seen him do anything rotten?
How do you know he's a bad guy?
- Oh, well.
Rascal: Hoffin, wait.
- So Hoffin, where are you two headed?
- Actually, we're a bit lost.
- Oh, I know the way from here.
I travel this route often.
We can walk together from here.
That is, if you trust me.
- That's great news, just what we need.
Lead the way.
Rascal, let's go with Mr. Bushranger.
He'll get us out of this death trap.
- You'd best be on your way, then.
I'm tired and I'm gonna get some rest.
- You really don't wanna come?
I'm leaving.
- Well I'm staying.
- He's not coming, let's go.
- Okay.
(laughing)
- Hoffin, Hoffin!
You blind fool!
Don't you come crawling back to me, do you hear me?
(shouting)
- Longmouth, Longmouth!
Don't die!
There are so many sweet potatoes left to steal.
- Get off my back, you stupid moron.
Help me up, come on.
- Oh, you're alright.
That's really great.
So where are we now then, huh?
That rotten crow always sends us
to these despicable outposts.
Do you see any treasure here?
I'll tell you, Bigeye, we're gonna die here
on some wild goose chase.
- Wild goose, did you say wild goose?
Where?
Where is it, show me.
- Okay, just be quiet.
- So how do we get out of here?
- That way.
- Longmouth, look, I think that big wave
will take us out of here.
- It is awfully big.
What the, oh no!
It's a big weasel-killing whirlwind
and it's gonna--
(yelling)
- Hoffin!
I wouldn't have suffered all this craziness
if kitchen god hadn't asked me to.
So where will I go now, eh?
Ah yeah, I'll go home, back to my fishing village.
No, that's the last thing I need to do right now
because I promised kitchen god
that I'd help Hoffin find all the other sacred animals.
I must.
But I could hide from the kitchen god
in the old neighborhood.
(laughing)
But what would he think of me
if he ever found out the truth?
- Oh Rascal, can you really be this irresponsible?
- No, it's Hoffin!
He abandoned me!
- He's the star child and you're a sacred animal!
Help him complete his kung fu training, Rascal!
This is your mission!
- But really, how sacred am I anyway?
I mean, when you look at the other sacred animals,
they're all kung fu masters, aren't they?
I'm just a regular rat.
(laughing)
- If you do not help the rising star god
to prepare for his test, Nian
will plunge the earth into eternal darkness
and wreak havoc on all living things.
In the end, you and only you
will have been responsible for this, my little friend.
- Me, responsible for all that?
- Yeah, for all that and more.
- Nobody understands the good I've already done.
Nobody begins to understand that.
- My friend, all the living creatures you helped
to save shall remember you as a glorious member
of the circle of 12.
- Whatever.
I won't give up on him, kitchen god.
I'll carry out my assignment.
Hoffin, you owe me, just remember that.
- Hoffin, you said you'd protect me, didn't you?
But desert thieves can be very vicious, you know?
- Hey, don't you worry about them.
My diamond fist is ready to take care of them.
I've handled plenty of tough guys
like the three bruisers (mumbling)
and the boar brothers too.
- Uh-huh.
Care to demonstrate for me now?
- Sure thing.
(grunting)
- Oh bravo, Hoffin.
As long as you're around, I needn't worry
about any robbers.
- No, Mr. Bushranger, you can count on me.
(laughing)
Shifty: I believe I'll do just that.
Male: Guys, we haven't seen so much
as a shadow pass by all day.
Male Two: Yeah, and what could we steal
in this no man's land anyway?
Male Three: You two pipe down.
Hoffin: Ah!
Group: Huh?
- Finally, a place where we can rest at last.
Oh, I'm so tired.
- An inn in the middle of nowhere
seems odd, Hoffin.
We should keep on our toes.
- Don't worry.
You'll be fine as long as I'm here with you.
(chattering)
Are you fellow travelers lost like we are?
- Yeah, the sandstorm blew us off course
and then we got lost, right?
- Oh yeah.
We did too.
Huh?
Hey, what's that?
- Nothing.
We're (mumbling) who have lost our merchandise
in the storm.
We keep the odd weapon to protect ourselves
on the road, right guys?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, so you're merchants.
But you dress as if, hey, do you practice kung fu?
- Well robbers often approach us on the road.
We need to know a little something
to fight them off if need be.
- Oh, I see.
What styles do you practice?
How about we mix it up a little bit?
- Huh?
I only know a little bit of this and that, nothing special.
Showing you would be like teaching fish to swim.
- Huh?
(gasping)
Oh!
(wind blowing)
- Be careful.
Unexpected visitor.
Does he look like a robber to you?
He can't take his eyes off your stuff.
- Just relax, huh, relax.
- Gentlemen, where are you from and where are you heading?
- We're lost and just seeking shelter
from the sandstorm.
We're humble traveling traders, you see.
- Oh and you're trading in knives
and swords then, is that right?
- Oh this?
This is just a little travel insurance, that's all.
We all know how unsafe it can be out there,
now don't we, huh?
Come on.
(laughing)
- When he gets around to us tell him as little as possible.
Hoffin: Right.
- How about you two?
You also merchants?
- Yeah, I trade in medicines.
- Oh, a medicine merchant.
I see your left arm's injured.
So then, what happened to you?
- Well I was robbed of my stock
and injured into the bargain.
Luckily I met this absolute angel
who saved me or I'd be dead by now.
He really saved my life.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
- Hey, it seems to me this horse
is trying to steal our mark.
Male: Yeah, but we saw the green guy
and the kid first.
The horse can't just butt in like that.
Male Two: Zip it, guys, let me think.
(screaming)
- Help me somebody!
- I know it must be lunch time by now.
How long do I have to stay here?
- Until the stupid fairy comes to save you.
Oh, my arms are killing me!
(yelling)
- Longmouth, I feel dizzy!
Longmouth: Dizzy, I'm dying over here.
- [Shifty Voiceover] Does he realize who I am?
(yelling)
- We're falling, Bigeye!
(yelling)
(gasping)
- Now!
- You won't catch me!
- It's you!
Get out of my way!
- Whatever that lizard's got is ours!
(cracking)
- Wow, he's good!
Stop thief!
Keep away from Mr. Bushranger!
Horse: He's stolen the grassland pearl.
Get out of my way.
- Hey, did you hear him say grassland pearl?
- Yes I did, and the little brat's here too.
- I have no time to argue with you.
Stay out of this.
- You need a taste of the diamond fist!
(yelling)
(groaning)
As long as I'm here, you'll harm no one.
- I'm warning you, child.
- And I'm warning you!
Leave him alone!
(grunting)
Horse: Thief!
Give the grassland pearl back to me!
- It's you!
- Hoffin, is that horrible robber gone yet?
- That low life lizard's back again.
- I thought you'd left for good, Mr. Bushranger.
- Eh, I didn't go far.
I just ran away and hid down a hole for a bit.
- Oh, well I was worried that horse might've got you.
- You were so brave just now, Hoffin.
You're my little hero.
I would certainly have been attacked
by him and probably robbed if it were not
for you, my friend.
- Don't worry, any of those guys
would have to go through me to get you.
- Hey Hoffin, what about those three merchants?
Where are they?
- After you ran away, they fought with that horse
but he took care of each of them
with a single blow but I have no idea
where they might have gone to.
- They went away?
Maybe it's just as well.
We don't want too many people around.
I tell you what, we'll rest here tonight
and hit the road tomorrow.
What do you say, huh?
- Okay.
- Good, nobody's noticed us.
(laughing)
This is Hoffin's room.
The grassland pearl could be in here.
Check it out.
- It's always me.
- Get on with it.
Pathetic.
I hate this place.
Bigeye: Hey Longmouth!
- You got it?
Bigeye: No, I found this.
- Why you!
Stop thinking of food.
Come on.
- Okay.
- If it's not Hoffin's room,
it must be the lizard's room.
I'll go and have a look.
- Okay.
- Huh?
Where is the grassland pearl?
Huh?
Shifty: No, don't steal my beautiful gem, no!
Longmouth: Oh, it must be here!
(laughing)
- Grassland pearl.
I'll be rich, so filthy rich.
Oh, I love riches.
I'm gonna be rich, rich, rich, rich.
Longmouth: Now that's what I call a treasure.
- Yum!
Longmouth: Bigeyes!
- Yeah.
(laughing)
You found the pearl, huh, that's great.
- It's inside here.
- Yippee, well done!
- Sh, keep it down, will ya?
It's so dangerous out here we gotta
think of a good place to hide it
so no one can steal it from us.
- Okay.
- Move!
- [Rascal Voiceover] But I think he
made up this whole thing.
He says he was just beaten
so why is he covered in old scars, not new ones.
- They call me Shifty Bushranger,
I trade in medicines but a band of robbers
just grabbed me, stole my stock and beat me
with no mercy.
- No, I'm not going.
- You don't wanna come?
Well I'm leaving.
- [Hoffin Voiceover] It's not good this way.
I wish Rascal was here.
Rascal, where are you?
- Right, it's me again, kitchen god.
You know I've always tried to be a fairly upstanding rat.
It's killing me that there's no one there
to help the star child in his quest.
And yet at the same time,
I really want to smack him silly for his foolishness.
Now I'm in this creepy place all alone
wondering if I'm safe.
What's that noise?
Is it a monster or robbers?
What is it?
I can hardly breathe.
I've had it.
I'm sure it heard me.
(yelling)
(whimpering)
Sh, sh, be quiet Rascal.
I'm so scared!
I'll throw it this time, I swear I will!
I will!
- Hey little friend, who are you?
Why are you here?
- My name's Rascal, and what's yours?
(laughing)
- Catchy name.
Call me Guardian.
I watch over this place.
- Guardian?
It's so late now, why are you here?
You scared me.
What do you want?
- Well I was chasing a thief.
Why don't you find a safer place to rest.
Here is no good.
The sandstorm will more than likely fill this place
by morning.
If you stay here, you're gonna be buried alive
and you'll probably die.
- Why should I believe you?
- If you wish to stay, you better pray hard
to the gods of the wind.
They might just give you a special pass, little rat.
(grunting)
- I think I'll go with you.
- Now you believe me.
- Ah, you're a sacred animal!
- So Hoffin really is the star child.
- He's a robber.
Hoffin.
- What was that move?
- I call it the shadowless kick.
- You shifty weasels.
You stole my treasure and you dare to deceive me?
- No, don't!
- Help!
- You are a bunch of fools!
I want my grassland pearl!
(singing in foreign language)