Leave (2011) Movie Script
Amy. Amy!
The same?
The same.
Still happening every night?
It's driving me crazy.
You know, it's like I...
I can't shake it.
I don't know.
It stays with me all day,
I just...
That normal?
Well, it's not
uncommon for someone
who's undergone an ordeal
to have lingering nightmares.
The same nightmare?
Every night? For six months?
Have you had any new ideas
as to what the dream might be?
Who the man is, or is there
someone that he looks like?
No. No I told you.
I can't see the guy's face.
I never see what he looks like.
We've been through
all this before.
You keep asking me
the same damn questions.
It's like we're going
in circles.
I want you to make it go away.
If you like, uh,
I can try another medication.
No.
I'm not taking any more pills.
They don't do shit.
I notice your anxiety
level has increased
in the last couple of weeks.
Any depression? Paranoia?
Feelings of being followed,
being watched?
I know what paranoia means.
Okay. Maybe you need
to get out of the house.
When was the last time
you wrote something?
I don't know.
Long time.
Jesus, Hank. It's scalding.
My circulation's
been off lately.
Oh.
Yeah.
Think I might go up
to the house.
You know, try to knock out
a first draft nice and quick.
See what it all means.
Can I stop by on the
weekends for a conjugal?
Now you're trying to
seduce me, Mrs. Robinson.
Nah. I'm not trying
to seduce you.
I just wanna fuck you.
No one, really.
No one, I'm told.
Don't you guys get
enough of each other?
- No, no, no, no.
- Guess not.
I can't get enough of you.
Thank you, darling.
Thank you.
You want anything else?
No, no. I'm fine. I'm sipping.
- Cheers.
- Sipping to this cheers.
You look lovely.
Why, thank you.
Mmm-hmm.
God, you are a lucky man.
Yeah, I really am.
You've got the balls
of a fucking warrior.
To be able to go through
what you went through...
No, no, listen to me.
Listen to me.
I wouldn't have survived.
I would not have survived.
- Your courage...
- I love you.
If you start crying at me,
I'm gonna smack you silent.
Oh, piss off.
It's your party,
and I can cry if I want to.
You know how I feel
about you, Henry.
A fucking battered-down
writer we've got.
Will he be publishing?
And this next one...
oh, dear god.
Sweet Lord Jesus.
Can you imagine what you're
going to come back with?
Can you see it?
Can you feel it?
- Oh, I can feel it.
- Don't placate me.
- I'm not.
- I can feel it.
No, I'm telling you
I can feel it, I can.
This one is going
to be special.
And it is going to open up a
whole new world for you, Henry.
You mark my words. Cheers.
De mort.
It is with great reluctance,
and heavy hearts
that we send off
our dear friend.
Oh, my God. What is his name?
Just... it just escaped me.
I don't...
- Henry!
- Henry.
Thank you so much.
Now, Amy.
Are you mad letting him
go off by himself?
Oh, my.
I know you think
you've domesticated him.
Over the last nine years,
but believe me,
he's still quite feral.
She's well aware of it.
- Is she?
- Yeah.
Look at you two. How lovely.
All right, I believe that I can
speak for everyone present
when I say
that this little separation from
us ls really going to suck.
And we...
We all love you
and we shall miss you
and we have no doubt
that you shall emerge
from your hermitage
with nothing short
of a masterpiece.
You realize how
blessed you are, Hank?
You have such great friends.
They adore you.
Do you realize how
lucky you are?
I realize how lucky we are.
What?
Hmm?
I love you.
I love you.
I love you so much,
and I love this house.
And I love our crazy friends.
I love it all.
What happened?
You remember when we moved here
how much I used to
motherfuck this place?
- Every New Yorker does.
- Yeah.
Honey. Honey, it's okay.
Come here.
It's okay.
Here. Come here.
All right. Chapter one.
What's this story about, huh?
What's it about?
What's it about?
All right. Chapter one.
What's this story about, huh?
What's it about?
What's it about?
...everything in his wallet, his ID...
Goddamn, Hank. Come on.
Where's the thrilling
part of the story?
That is a brain.
You were not looking for it.
You forgot it.
Doctors like to call that...
if you've been hurt In any type
of slip and fall accident,
you need to contact the office
of Maydew, Barron and Temple.
We can recover the monetary
compensation you deserve
for your injury...
All right. Ten bad ideas.
All right, let's say the story
is about a lawyer, okay?
But not a slick one.
He's like one of these
slip and fall guys, okay?
He, uh, he's uh...
He's Ed.
Ed, the slip
and fall lawyer, okay?
That's who he is.
He's Ed, he comes home.
And he wants
to talk to his kids.
He calls his kid up
and he cracks open a beer
and he... and he waits,
and the phone rings.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that's what you do.
This is what you do.
You start it with the attack.
Jump right in.
Start with the dream.
That'll work. So what does he...
He's at his house.
He's at his house.
And he's fucking blindsided.
He gets hit. Boom.
And he gets hit again. Boom.
And he can hear his kid.
And he can't speak because
he gets hit, gets knocked.
And all he can feel
is the throbbing in his head.
And the phone is
saying "Daddy"...
Amy!
And he can't do anything
and he goes down
and blacks out.
And when he comes to, he's
hurtling through the dark.
And he's being pushed by this
unseen, unstoppable force.
And it's got him in its grip.
And it's just pushing him.
And he remembers
what the cop said.
The cop said, "Be careful.
Be on a lookout."
"You know,
be wary of new faces."
"This guy might be casing you."
Have you had any new ideas
about who the man is?
Somebody he looks like?
He's fucking trying
to see this guy,
but he can't see him
because he's in
the fucking dark.
And he can't see his face.
And he's trying to defend
himself, but he can't
because the guy's got him,
and he can't figure out
how to get out
of the guy's grip
so he grabs his
laptop and he hits him
with the fucking laptop.
And for a second,
the guy gives up
and he tries to get
to the light.
He wants to get into the light
but he can't because
he gets grabbed
and he gets brought back into
the darkness with this guy
and he finds the letter opener
and he starts stabbing
away at this guy.
And he stabs, and he stabs
and it doesn't do shit
because this guy's
a fucking bear.
He's a fucking wave.
And he sees it coming.
He sees the letter
opener coming and bam,
hits him right in the stomach,
right above the navel.
And it cuts and
it digs in deep.
And, and... and he's helpless.
He's helpless to do
anything against this guy
and he's laying there and he's
fucking thinking to himself,
"My, God. I can't believe this
is fucking happening to me."
"I'm dying."
"I'm really dying."
You know, re...
rework it at the cabin
and when he's talking
to his kid on the phone,
have him scream out
for the kid.
I need him to work
as his ally, and, uh...
Call him James.
Call the kid James.
No, call him Jimmy.
That's more like a kid's name.
Jesus Christ.
What the hell's your problem?
This fucking guy.
Go around me, asshole.
Go around.
I said go around!
You wanna play games,
let's play games.
Try to work in that rest area.
Really creepy location.
It could be cool.
Guess I'll seat myself.
Excuse me, I don't mean
to interrupt your chores,
but could I get
a cup of coffee?
Thanks. Let me go wash up.
Hey, can I smoke in here?
Just wondering,
'cause it smells like smoke,
and I see you got the ashtrays
and the cigarette machines.
Do what you want.
I'm ready when you are.
I don't work here.
You brought me coffee.
You wanted one.
Anybody working?
Been here a while now,
and no one's even poked
their head out.
They're in back.
They're just playing cards.
They'll be out as soon
as their game is over.
It's usually quiet
this time of day.
You on some sort
of backpacking trip?
Not really.
I'll just stick
my head in the back.
Just let 'em know I'm here.
No, no, no. Don't do that.
Why not?
'Cause the owner,
he gets all pissy.
He's got a thing about
people going back there.
Hey, do you play Gin?
Where'd you say you were from?
Why?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to place you.
Wonder where I know you from.
Think you know me?
Maybe.
Maybe you don't know me.
Maybe our paths have crossed.
I doubt it.
Why would you doubt it?
You play guitar.
Shorten your nails.
Classical?
Yeah, I used to.
Haven't played in a long time,
I keep the nails though.
I don't know why, but I do.
You any good?
I was.
Then you stop playing,
you go from Jimi Hendrix
to Rusty Chops real quick.
My brother used to say that.
What?
That. Get the flu or some shit,
not play for a few days,
and he'd say
the exact same thing
about Rusty Chops.
Must be a musician thing.
- Must be.
- When did he die?
When did he die?
Well, he's dead, right?
Why would you say that?
I didn't. You did.
You said he used to say that.
So what? He could've quit.
Doesn't mean he's dead.
He younger or older?
He was older. Five years.
So he is dead.
Let me ask you something.
You got any brothers?
Yeah. One.
He dead?
Were you in the bathroom
at the rest stop down
the road a little while ago?
Were you?
Me? Yeah. I stopped
there to take a leak.
And I saw...
I thought I saw you there.
You know. Your boots.
Underneath the stall.
You were looking
under the stall?
No.
No, I just saw them
under there.
The bizarre thing is I came out
and had a flyer on my window
for this place, and I show
up here, you're here.
Don't you think that's strange?
Why'd you stop me
from going back there?
- I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.
- You got all squirrely.
- I didn't.
You didn't want me
to go back there. Why not?
Because you shouldn't
go back there.
I come in here, you're
sweeping up by the register.
You got this strange
vibe going on.
Something behind this counter
you don't want me to see?
What're you telling me, pal?
What are you trying
to figure out?
What the fuck are you doing
behind my counter?
Jesus Christ!
You trying to steal from me?
No, no. Why would I do that?
'Cause you're a goddamn thief
come to take me off.
No, I'm not.
And who in the fuck said you
could pour your own coffee?
I didn't. He did.
I told him to stay out
from back there, Gus.
Is he with you?
He ain't with me,
but we were just
having some coffee
waiting for your
game to end, but,
he's all right.
He didn't steal nothing.
He just wants something to eat.
He can get his own.
He comes here a lot.
You can't. I don't know you.
Yeah, yeah. I understand.
I'm sorry to upset you.
Just I've been waiting
out here for a while now.
Was it a long time?
Shit, I'm sorry.
I was playing solitaire.
I fell asleep.
It sucks getting old.
I'm here now.
You wanna order something,
or what?
Yeah, yeah. You got soup?
Chicken noodle.
Just like your mother made.
I'll get a soup and a coffee.
Another coffee.
Order of Sue's soup...
and coffee.
I'll get it.
- By yourself today, Gus?
- Yep.
You wanna get the soups,
I'll get the coffee?
You're a fucking peach,
you know it?
Don't touch me.
Most people smoke out of habit,
with you it seems like
some kind of ritual.
What does your wife
think of your smoking?
You drive a pickup truck?
I don't own a vehicle.
So where you coming from?
I mean,
we're in the middle
of the desert.
You gotta be walking distance.
I don't really have a place.
Where do you stay?
Here and there.
Here and there?
What's that mean?
Not having a place
isn't such a big deal.
Call me square,
but I think being homeless
is a pretty fucking big deal.
I didn't say I was homeless.
I just said
I don't have a place.
All right. Whatever.
See, I made a vow with
myself a long time ago
to try to have as few
possessions as possible.
That some sort of
religious practice?
Sort of.
I found that the more
possessions you have,
the more you've
attached to things,
and the more you're attached,
the more you suffer, so.
Who'd want to suffer?
That what the whole shaved
head thing is about?
You some sort
of wandering monk?
No. Just my own thing.
Well, you can keep that
religious shit for yourself.
Catholic school beat it out
of me a long time ago.
It must be lonely.
What is?
Not having faith
in some mysterious unseen
hand behind things.
I find that comforting.
See, I don't need faith.
I have experience.
That's Joseph Campbell.
Go figure.
Wandering monk in the
middle of the desert
reads Joseph Campbell.
What're the odds of that?
Plagiarism's a dangerous
habit for a writer.
What makes you think
I'm a writer?
You talk about writing.
No, I never talked
about writing.
You have the computer.
So I got a fucking computer?
I could be an accountant.
How would you know that?
I'm asking you,
how would you know that?
Who the fuck are you, man?
I know you from somewhere.
You're acting all cagey and
all this is just too weird.
- What is?
- All this.
Everything. Me getting a flyer
on my car, me coming here,
you sweeping up
and you don't work here?
- I come here a lot.
- Yeah, I know.
You told me. Now... now what?
You know I'm a writer?
I'm asking you.
How do you know this shit?
Are you fucking stalking me?
Stalking you?
Yeah.
You came here. You found me.
Why the fuck would
I be looking for you?
I don't know. Why?
No.
I'll get something
to eat somewhere else.
I'm out of here.
Henry.
Did you say my fucking name?
How do you know my name?
I'm going to ask you
one more time.
Who the fuck are you?
What is that?
Where'd you get that tattoo?
You know where I got it.
Henry, you were next to me.
I did it with a sewing pin.
We got the ink
from Tommy Douglass.
I don't know who
the fuck you are,
or what game
you're playing, pal,
but my brother died when
he was 19. He drowned.
I know they told you that.
What do you mean?
- He killed himself.
- I tried.
But I fucked it up. Please,
just listen to me, okay?
I went down to Coney Island,
I scored a ton of smack,
and I shot up,
I walked out into the water.
Next thing I knew,
I had washed up on the shore
down the beach,
I don't know how I got there,
but the next day
the shore patrol...
they probably found the suicide
note I left in my shoes.
The newspaper said
the tide took me out,
I became shark bait.
It happens all the time.
That's probably what
they told Mom and Dad.
Do you remember at my funeral?
Don't talk about
my brother's funeral.
It was a closed coffin, right?
Don't talk about
my brother's funeral.
It had to be a closed casket
because there was no body.
Here's the body. Right here.
I'm the fucking body.
No, no!
'Cause there was a coffin!
For closure.
For you, for Mom and Dad.
Look, what parent wants to tell
their 14-year-old son
that his older brother's body
was torn apart by boat engines,
by sharks, that there was
nothing left of him to collect.
When's my mother's birthday?
When was my mother's birthday?
September 22nd, 1944.
Where'd my cousin Paul
go to college?
West Point.
Where'd my Aunt Pat live?
Avenue A.
There was a vacuum repair shop
on the ground floor.
She lived on the fifth.
Remember? She had birds?
How do you know this shit?
Why are you fucking with me?
I'm not fucking with you, Boog.
I know, 'cause it's me.
Henry.
Henry, I'm sorry.
I never meant to hurt you.
I was just a fucked up kid
with a drug problem
I couldn't control.
The only thing I thought
I could control was ending it.
When I tried
and I fucked it up,
I said, you know what,
they think I'm dead.
I need to stay dead.
Just stay away.
I knew you'd be fucked up
for a while, but in time,
you'd all move on, and...
Henry?
For closure.
What makes you
think I'm a writer?
God, help... God, help me.
It's not...
Get in the car.
Get in the fucking car.
I don't want any trouble,
all right?
Too late for that.
Get in the car.
I am tired and I'm
totally fucking drained,
but if you don't get in, I'm gonna
throw you in, do you hear me?
Look, I already upset you,
all right?
- Just let me go...
- All right, don't listen to me.
It's fine. Get in the car.
Right now. Get in!
All right.
Calm down. Calm down.
Stay there.
What do we do now?
I just need to think. Okay?
So please, just...
just be quiet.
I never had a car.
This is very nice.
Are you fucking deaf?
I just said sit there
and be quiet.
Look, for what it's worth,
ever since I went
into that ocean,
my whole goddamn life's
been a lie.
All I've tried to do is
stay in the present moment.
Stay in the present,
stay in the present,
so I could forget
my past, but...
I couldn't.
I thought about you
all the time.
You're so full of shit.
All you thought about was where
your next fix was coming from.
You're wrong about that.
I never did drugs again
after my last attempt.
It was kind of a bottom for me.
That's kind of your bottom?
I think shooting up
a ton of heroin
and throwing yourself
in the ocean
is a fucking bottom, Chris.
I meant I never
went lower than that.
What's lower?
Henry, there is
always something lower.
I mean it.
I really did think
about you all the time.
I tried to live
my whole life in this...
in this state of penance to try
to make up for what I did,
but nothing can fix it.
And you got every reason
to shun me from here on.
You do.
I mean...
I destroyed the first half
of our lives. I did that.
I take responsibility for it.
But you got a chance here.
To repair what's left of them.
I mean this thing,
us running into each other
after 21 years,
it's a miracle.
I mean,
we can't blow this shot.
We got a second chance here.
And I get it if you think
I ain't worth a second chance.
I do.
It'd break my heart,
but I'd get it.
I missed you so much.
I missed you so much.
I missed you, too, Boog.
Bought this a few years ago.
Well, a couple of years
at the moment.
There's nothing
I can do for you.
Married for nine years.
I've read all your books.
We met each other
at a cocktail party.
Man, she's so beautiful.
- What's her name?
- Amy.
Wow.
This is yours?
Yeah, this is ours.
Amy loves it up here, you know?
We're trying to have kids.
She didn't want to raise
them in the city,
so, I don't know.
More space,
could be outside, play.
- Sure.
- All that.
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah, thanks.
Ho-ho. Not bad.
Yeah, not bad.
Must be the smoke detector.
Might need new batteries.
You'll have to excuse the place.
We haven't been here in months.
So, might not be tip-top shape.
Oh, goddamn.
Forgot to turn the phone on.
Your wife must be worried.
She'll be fine
if I call her tomorrow.
Pretty nice, huh?
Very nice.
How often do you
guys get up here?
Oh, boy. Not as much as Amy
would like, that's for sure.
Listen, pal.
Got a bottle of Jim Beam.
Sound good to you?
I mean, do you drink or did
you take a vow against it?
Tonight I drink.
That's what I wanted to hear.
Know what the craziest
thing about all this is?
I thought about you
all the time as a kid.
But I must've thought
about you more this year
than in the last ten
combined, you know?
It's like I fucking
conjured it.
Why this year?
Well,
I kind of went through a bit
of an ordeal this past year.
Ordeal?
Yeah, a little bout
of stomach cancer.
Oh, Jesus, Boog.
Talk about a swift
kick in the ass.
They caught it early,
they went in.
Partial gastrectomy.
Gave me chemo,
went through the chemo,
and I'm okay.
Pretty good. Knock wood.
How long ago was this?
They came out the other side
about six months ago.
Oh, Jesus, Boog.
I can't imagine what
you went through.
No, no you can't.
Pssh. Thank God for Amy, man.
Man, she was there day and
night, just holding my hand
through everything, just calm.
You were lucky to have her.
You have no idea.
During all this,
you kept coming up.
I kept thinking about us,
you know?
Memories of stuff
we used to do.
Shit, I hadn't thought
about in years.
It was fascinating
how my mind worked.
During the illness,
I'd think about trying to use
some of that for the book.
I've heard about this
from other people,
that when they come up
against something
that's too much for them
to handle, that their minds
will protect them
in all these different ways.
Like with... like memories
from a time in their life
when things were good.
I've heard this.
That's exactly,
exactly what happened.
My mind protected me
with this endless flow
of home movies
that just played
in my head of us.
- You know what came back to me?
- What?
This totally floored me.
'Cause I hadn't thought
about it in forever.
Do you remember the trip
we took to that little lake?
It was just me, you and Dad.
I don't know where
the hell Mom was.
He got this little cabin there
right on the lake.
I remember the best
part of that trip.
There was two best parts,
actually.
One of them is that Dad used
to make you cook lunch.
That's right, yeah.
And what did you make?
Mac and cheese, yeah.
The best mac and cheese ever.
I've tried to make
that mac and cheese.
- Ah.
- Oh, come on. I'm telling ya.
God, love it.
The other one...
this is my favorite.
It's the best part
of the whole thing.
Every morning,
we'd sleep in till about ten.
We'd go down the lake,
all the kids
with their little rafts,
busted up inner tubes.
And you'd go out there,
and you'd rent us
one of those big silver canoes.
The giant ones. You remember?
The brushed aluminum looked like
a fucking American Airlines jet.
You'd carry it down
over your head
and I'd try to hold
onto the back,
it'd be cracking me in the back
of the head, little pipsqueak.
Oh, those kids looked
at us with so much envy.
'Cause we were going out
in this fucking battleship.
Me and my big brother.
No one ever fucked with me when
you were around, you know that?
You were like
a full grown man to me.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You'd take that thing,
big old boat,
bring it down to the water,
you'd put me in.
I'd sit up right in front
like I'm the captain up there.
And all the kids looking at us
and we'd just row out, man.
We'd start rowing out.
We'd go right past 'em.
We were going all
the way out, man.
All the way to
the other fucking side.
Just keep going until they
couldn't see us anymore.
That's why I...
I was really overwhelmed
when I got cancer, you know?
'Cause I was going out
on these really dangerous
unchartered waters.
I didn't have anybody
to protect me.
Thing is, that, uh...
I don't know, you're hit
with this blunt force truth
and that is you're alone.
You know, you come in alone,
you go out alone.
You were never really alone.
Well, pretty goddamn lonely.
Sure, but you had your wife.
Yes, I did.
After all that,
you still smoke?
Wasn't lung cancer.
Oh, Jesus.
Before you kick him
with the whole
big brother lecture
about stopping smoking,
just letting you know,
my oncologist tried,
didn't work.
This is your journey, Henry.
I'm just glad to be part of it.
I respect your choices.
Shit.
We don't have to be
all glum, right?
I beat it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You cold?
No, I'm all right.
I'm freezing.
I'm gonna take a leak.
- Remember this?
- Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, it's... That's... yeah!
That's what I'm
talking about, uh-huh.
You mind if I just dig in here?
Go ahead.
Okay, oh, boy. This is... okay.
All right,
let's see what you got.
Holy shit.
What are you...
you motherfucking...
- Good?
- God damn, it's good.
Oh, Jesus, Chris.
I'm gonna eat the whole damn
casserole, that's the problem.
I see the letter opener
and there's nothing I can do.
Bam. It's in me.
I feel every inch of it.
It's just stretching
my guts out.
It's just fucking awful,
and, and...
and brutal, and fucking vivid.
What does your therapist say?
What does any shrink say?
He turns it back on me.
He says,
what do you think it means?
I say, I don't know.
Fear of death? Just...
I say, fear of failure.
He says, hmmm.
I say is it fear of sex?
Work? Fear of success?
Fear of the fucking Red Sox?
He says, Hmmm. Maybe you
should try these pills.
I say, hmmm.
Maybe I'll give them a shot.
It's the same shit every time.
What do you think it means?
Okay, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh, oh, oh. Wait a minute.
Check this out.
What? Where you going?
Look at this.
A puzzle.
Oh, yeah.
- Remember these?
- Of course.
You'd start me off
with the easy ones,
then bring me along.
Yeah, remember
the Jackson Pollack?
Yeah, what a pain
in the ass that was.
Yeah, with the splatter paint?
Oh, my god.
I gotta admit, this one
could be a bit more exciting.
I don't know. I kinda like it.
It reminds me of a poem I like.
Yeah? What's the poem?
It goes, the, um,
"The Leaves in an act
of great faith,
"let go of their branches
and fall to the ground
majestically."
Yeah, that's... that's pretty.
What do you think it means?
Could mean a lot
of different things.
That's what makes
it so beautiful.
No, no. Not the poem.
Your nightmare.
I don't know.
You know, why live with it?
The more I realize it's not
death that I'm afraid of,
dying's easy.
Got a real taste of that.
What do you mean?
There's freedom in it.
You know, you don't care.
Everything just falls
out of your focus.
Just not a priority anymore.
No one expects you to worry
about them anymore.
No one expects anything
out of you really,
except to die
with a little grace
and not ask them to speak
at your funeral.
So all these pressures we kill
ourselves with on a daily basis,
all these little dragons
that we're trying to slay,
they all just evaporate,
you know?
All that's left
is the big dragon.
It's so big.
So, overpowering.
And they tell you,
you've got to fight it.
You take the pills
they tell you to take,
you eat the food
they tell you to eat.
You do everything
they tell you to do.
Then you just wait.
You wait to see
if they got it all.
And that is a terrible time.
And I realized that...
sometime's life puts you in
positions where you have no out.
You're waiting
for a phone call...
a phone call.
To determine the outcome
of your life.
What'd that feel like?
I was pissed.
Pissed?
No.
No.
I was afraid.
I was deeply, deeply afraid.
I've been scared
other times in my life.
Nothing compared
to those times.
Every time, you know,
I have the dream,
I relive that feeling.
It's a horrible, horrible thing
to come to the most
important part of your life,
and have no say in the matter.
It's horrible.
It scared the piss out of me.
Well, there it is.
There what is?
What you've been looking for
with what the dream represents.
Maybe it's not about
fear of dying.
Maybe it's about
loss of control.
Maybe, I don't know.
No, Henry.
You've had a breakthrough.
I really think you have.
I think you're ready
to let go of it
and to move on...
to what comes next.
Whatever comes next is gonna
have to wait till tomorrow.
'Cause I'm exhausted.
Look, I got extra bedrooms.
Yeah, couch is fine.
'Night, Chris.
Goodnight, Henry.
Ah, Jesus Christ.
Chris?
Oh, God. Feel like shit.
My stomach's killing me.
Chris, come on.
I need you to come out here.
My God.
Hey!
Chris!
Chris!
Amy?
I love you so much.
Amy. Ame. Honey, honey, shhh.
I'm sick. I'm sick.
Amy, I need you
to get me some help.
I think you should call for help.
I can't find Chris.
Amy, I found my brother.
- Hang the phone up.
- Where were you?
- Right here.
- No, no, no.
I was looking for you.
You were on that bridge.
I'm right here.
I didn't go anywhere.
Amy?
- Put down the phone.
- Ame?
- Henry, there's no chance...
- She called me on the phone.
She called me.
- Didn't she?
- No.
Didn't the phone break?
Oh, my God.
How'd you sleep?
What?
The dream.
You didn't have it, did you?
The dream?
Of course you didn't have it,
'cause you figured out
what it means now.
No, no, Chris. Listen to me.
Fuck the dream, okay?
I'm sick. I'm sick.
I'm dying here, man.
My stomach's cramping up.
I need help.
- It's killing me.
- I know. I know. Shhh.
It's okay, okay.
Goddamn, that was inten...
That was intense.
How are you? You okay?
I'm fine.
I'm going to the bathroom.
- Don't go anywhere.
- No, I gotta get going.
Henry, don't run away.
Chris!
Chris! I'm bleeding!
Chris! I'm hemorrhaging.
You gotta call me an ambulance.
Whoa, whoa. Shhh.
It's okay. It's all
part of the process.
Mmm. Process? What process?
The dying process.
What did you do to me?
Shhh. It's all right.
It's all right.
Oh, my God. You poisoned me.
You fucking poisoned me.
I knew something didn't
feel right about this.
What hasn't
felt right, Henry? Think.
What hasn't felt right?
What'd you do to me?
Hmmm? How'd you find me?
How'd you know I'd
be in that diner?
What's that?
The earth elements
are leaving you, Henry.
The blood, the water, all your
fluids are draining out of you.
That's very good.
Why did you do this to me?
Why did you do this to me,
you sick fuck?
Somebody help!
Somebody help!
I'm here to help you, Henry.
No. Get away from me.
Get away from me!
You're not my brother.
Of course I'm your brother.
You know that.
My brother died when
he was 19. He drowned.
You could be anybody!
Were you in the bathroom
down the road
a little while ago?
You're using all your energy.
What the fuck are you, man?
It's getting harder to breathe.
Are you fucking stalking me?
That's good, Henry.
Relax into it.
It'll all be over soon.
I promise.
Fuck you.
Henry, listen to me.
There's not much time left.
You have come to the most
important moment of your life.
To the gap between
life and death.
Your whole world is dissolving.
Your body is dissolving.
And all you have
left now is your mind.
And for the first time you
see it for what it really is,
the architect
of your entire being.
You created all this.
You created me.
I only say what
you want me to say,
what you need me to say.
It's your journey, Henry.
Not dying.
Henry who attacked you
in the dream?
A man.
What man?
What did he look like?
He was big.
What was he wearing?
Gloves.
What type of gloves?
- Dark gloves.
- Henry, think again.
Think. What...
What else was he wearing?
I don't know.
I don't know. A suit...
No, he wasn't, Henry. Think.
See what's there. Think harder.
He shined a light in my eyes.
He stabbed... He stabbed me.
He stabbed me.
The operation was a failure.
When they opened you up,
they saw that the cancer
had spread everywhere.
There was nothing they could do
for you but send you home,
to die with dignity.
You created all this.
The nightmare, the new book,
the trip.
Meeting me.
Having your brother back
in your life to protect you.
This was all you
trying to figure out something
you didn't understand.
See, but now you do.
Now you know you're
not afraid of dying.
You're just afraid
of having no choices.
But, Henry, there's still
one choice you can make.
You can choose to let go.
Henry, please.
Make that choice.
Don't let it be made for you.
Rob? Rob, he's doing it again.
What did Doctor Park say?
We have permission
to up his morphine,
and I think it'll help.
Is he in pain?
No, no, that's not pain.
That's, uh, that's just
more of a reflex, really.
Doctors like to call that
the sound of hard effort.
And it can be very difficult
to die, but it's not pain.
Rob?
Would it be okay if I had
a minute alone with him?
Of course.
Just call me if you need me.
So...
I love you.
It's okay to let go.
Let go, honey. Let go.
I'll be okay.
Just let go. Let go.
"Leaves in an act
of great faith,"
"let go of their branches."
"They fall to the ground,
majestically."
Hey.
What?
I don't wanna go.
I don't wanna leave.
I don't want you to go either.
I've loved every minute of it.
Every minute of it.
I love you.
Hey, I don't want
you worrying about me.
I'll be fine.
Really. I'll be fine.
I love you, Amy.
I'll be okay, promise.
Oh, my God.
I don't want her
to suffer anymore.
I know you don't.
But, Henry,
suffering is a choice.
The tighter you hold on,
the more you suffer
and the more you suffer,
the more Amy suffers.
What do I do, Chrls?
What do I do?
You let go.
Henry, have great faith.
Fall majestically.
The same?
The same.
Still happening every night?
It's driving me crazy.
You know, it's like I...
I can't shake it.
I don't know.
It stays with me all day,
I just...
That normal?
Well, it's not
uncommon for someone
who's undergone an ordeal
to have lingering nightmares.
The same nightmare?
Every night? For six months?
Have you had any new ideas
as to what the dream might be?
Who the man is, or is there
someone that he looks like?
No. No I told you.
I can't see the guy's face.
I never see what he looks like.
We've been through
all this before.
You keep asking me
the same damn questions.
It's like we're going
in circles.
I want you to make it go away.
If you like, uh,
I can try another medication.
No.
I'm not taking any more pills.
They don't do shit.
I notice your anxiety
level has increased
in the last couple of weeks.
Any depression? Paranoia?
Feelings of being followed,
being watched?
I know what paranoia means.
Okay. Maybe you need
to get out of the house.
When was the last time
you wrote something?
I don't know.
Long time.
Jesus, Hank. It's scalding.
My circulation's
been off lately.
Oh.
Yeah.
Think I might go up
to the house.
You know, try to knock out
a first draft nice and quick.
See what it all means.
Can I stop by on the
weekends for a conjugal?
Now you're trying to
seduce me, Mrs. Robinson.
Nah. I'm not trying
to seduce you.
I just wanna fuck you.
No one, really.
No one, I'm told.
Don't you guys get
enough of each other?
- No, no, no, no.
- Guess not.
I can't get enough of you.
Thank you, darling.
Thank you.
You want anything else?
No, no. I'm fine. I'm sipping.
- Cheers.
- Sipping to this cheers.
You look lovely.
Why, thank you.
Mmm-hmm.
God, you are a lucky man.
Yeah, I really am.
You've got the balls
of a fucking warrior.
To be able to go through
what you went through...
No, no, listen to me.
Listen to me.
I wouldn't have survived.
I would not have survived.
- Your courage...
- I love you.
If you start crying at me,
I'm gonna smack you silent.
Oh, piss off.
It's your party,
and I can cry if I want to.
You know how I feel
about you, Henry.
A fucking battered-down
writer we've got.
Will he be publishing?
And this next one...
oh, dear god.
Sweet Lord Jesus.
Can you imagine what you're
going to come back with?
Can you see it?
Can you feel it?
- Oh, I can feel it.
- Don't placate me.
- I'm not.
- I can feel it.
No, I'm telling you
I can feel it, I can.
This one is going
to be special.
And it is going to open up a
whole new world for you, Henry.
You mark my words. Cheers.
De mort.
It is with great reluctance,
and heavy hearts
that we send off
our dear friend.
Oh, my God. What is his name?
Just... it just escaped me.
I don't...
- Henry!
- Henry.
Thank you so much.
Now, Amy.
Are you mad letting him
go off by himself?
Oh, my.
I know you think
you've domesticated him.
Over the last nine years,
but believe me,
he's still quite feral.
She's well aware of it.
- Is she?
- Yeah.
Look at you two. How lovely.
All right, I believe that I can
speak for everyone present
when I say
that this little separation from
us ls really going to suck.
And we...
We all love you
and we shall miss you
and we have no doubt
that you shall emerge
from your hermitage
with nothing short
of a masterpiece.
You realize how
blessed you are, Hank?
You have such great friends.
They adore you.
Do you realize how
lucky you are?
I realize how lucky we are.
What?
Hmm?
I love you.
I love you.
I love you so much,
and I love this house.
And I love our crazy friends.
I love it all.
What happened?
You remember when we moved here
how much I used to
motherfuck this place?
- Every New Yorker does.
- Yeah.
Honey. Honey, it's okay.
Come here.
It's okay.
Here. Come here.
All right. Chapter one.
What's this story about, huh?
What's it about?
What's it about?
All right. Chapter one.
What's this story about, huh?
What's it about?
What's it about?
...everything in his wallet, his ID...
Goddamn, Hank. Come on.
Where's the thrilling
part of the story?
That is a brain.
You were not looking for it.
You forgot it.
Doctors like to call that...
if you've been hurt In any type
of slip and fall accident,
you need to contact the office
of Maydew, Barron and Temple.
We can recover the monetary
compensation you deserve
for your injury...
All right. Ten bad ideas.
All right, let's say the story
is about a lawyer, okay?
But not a slick one.
He's like one of these
slip and fall guys, okay?
He, uh, he's uh...
He's Ed.
Ed, the slip
and fall lawyer, okay?
That's who he is.
He's Ed, he comes home.
And he wants
to talk to his kids.
He calls his kid up
and he cracks open a beer
and he... and he waits,
and the phone rings.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that's what you do.
This is what you do.
You start it with the attack.
Jump right in.
Start with the dream.
That'll work. So what does he...
He's at his house.
He's at his house.
And he's fucking blindsided.
He gets hit. Boom.
And he gets hit again. Boom.
And he can hear his kid.
And he can't speak because
he gets hit, gets knocked.
And all he can feel
is the throbbing in his head.
And the phone is
saying "Daddy"...
Amy!
And he can't do anything
and he goes down
and blacks out.
And when he comes to, he's
hurtling through the dark.
And he's being pushed by this
unseen, unstoppable force.
And it's got him in its grip.
And it's just pushing him.
And he remembers
what the cop said.
The cop said, "Be careful.
Be on a lookout."
"You know,
be wary of new faces."
"This guy might be casing you."
Have you had any new ideas
about who the man is?
Somebody he looks like?
He's fucking trying
to see this guy,
but he can't see him
because he's in
the fucking dark.
And he can't see his face.
And he's trying to defend
himself, but he can't
because the guy's got him,
and he can't figure out
how to get out
of the guy's grip
so he grabs his
laptop and he hits him
with the fucking laptop.
And for a second,
the guy gives up
and he tries to get
to the light.
He wants to get into the light
but he can't because
he gets grabbed
and he gets brought back into
the darkness with this guy
and he finds the letter opener
and he starts stabbing
away at this guy.
And he stabs, and he stabs
and it doesn't do shit
because this guy's
a fucking bear.
He's a fucking wave.
And he sees it coming.
He sees the letter
opener coming and bam,
hits him right in the stomach,
right above the navel.
And it cuts and
it digs in deep.
And, and... and he's helpless.
He's helpless to do
anything against this guy
and he's laying there and he's
fucking thinking to himself,
"My, God. I can't believe this
is fucking happening to me."
"I'm dying."
"I'm really dying."
You know, re...
rework it at the cabin
and when he's talking
to his kid on the phone,
have him scream out
for the kid.
I need him to work
as his ally, and, uh...
Call him James.
Call the kid James.
No, call him Jimmy.
That's more like a kid's name.
Jesus Christ.
What the hell's your problem?
This fucking guy.
Go around me, asshole.
Go around.
I said go around!
You wanna play games,
let's play games.
Try to work in that rest area.
Really creepy location.
It could be cool.
Guess I'll seat myself.
Excuse me, I don't mean
to interrupt your chores,
but could I get
a cup of coffee?
Thanks. Let me go wash up.
Hey, can I smoke in here?
Just wondering,
'cause it smells like smoke,
and I see you got the ashtrays
and the cigarette machines.
Do what you want.
I'm ready when you are.
I don't work here.
You brought me coffee.
You wanted one.
Anybody working?
Been here a while now,
and no one's even poked
their head out.
They're in back.
They're just playing cards.
They'll be out as soon
as their game is over.
It's usually quiet
this time of day.
You on some sort
of backpacking trip?
Not really.
I'll just stick
my head in the back.
Just let 'em know I'm here.
No, no, no. Don't do that.
Why not?
'Cause the owner,
he gets all pissy.
He's got a thing about
people going back there.
Hey, do you play Gin?
Where'd you say you were from?
Why?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to place you.
Wonder where I know you from.
Think you know me?
Maybe.
Maybe you don't know me.
Maybe our paths have crossed.
I doubt it.
Why would you doubt it?
You play guitar.
Shorten your nails.
Classical?
Yeah, I used to.
Haven't played in a long time,
I keep the nails though.
I don't know why, but I do.
You any good?
I was.
Then you stop playing,
you go from Jimi Hendrix
to Rusty Chops real quick.
My brother used to say that.
What?
That. Get the flu or some shit,
not play for a few days,
and he'd say
the exact same thing
about Rusty Chops.
Must be a musician thing.
- Must be.
- When did he die?
When did he die?
Well, he's dead, right?
Why would you say that?
I didn't. You did.
You said he used to say that.
So what? He could've quit.
Doesn't mean he's dead.
He younger or older?
He was older. Five years.
So he is dead.
Let me ask you something.
You got any brothers?
Yeah. One.
He dead?
Were you in the bathroom
at the rest stop down
the road a little while ago?
Were you?
Me? Yeah. I stopped
there to take a leak.
And I saw...
I thought I saw you there.
You know. Your boots.
Underneath the stall.
You were looking
under the stall?
No.
No, I just saw them
under there.
The bizarre thing is I came out
and had a flyer on my window
for this place, and I show
up here, you're here.
Don't you think that's strange?
Why'd you stop me
from going back there?
- I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.
- You got all squirrely.
- I didn't.
You didn't want me
to go back there. Why not?
Because you shouldn't
go back there.
I come in here, you're
sweeping up by the register.
You got this strange
vibe going on.
Something behind this counter
you don't want me to see?
What're you telling me, pal?
What are you trying
to figure out?
What the fuck are you doing
behind my counter?
Jesus Christ!
You trying to steal from me?
No, no. Why would I do that?
'Cause you're a goddamn thief
come to take me off.
No, I'm not.
And who in the fuck said you
could pour your own coffee?
I didn't. He did.
I told him to stay out
from back there, Gus.
Is he with you?
He ain't with me,
but we were just
having some coffee
waiting for your
game to end, but,
he's all right.
He didn't steal nothing.
He just wants something to eat.
He can get his own.
He comes here a lot.
You can't. I don't know you.
Yeah, yeah. I understand.
I'm sorry to upset you.
Just I've been waiting
out here for a while now.
Was it a long time?
Shit, I'm sorry.
I was playing solitaire.
I fell asleep.
It sucks getting old.
I'm here now.
You wanna order something,
or what?
Yeah, yeah. You got soup?
Chicken noodle.
Just like your mother made.
I'll get a soup and a coffee.
Another coffee.
Order of Sue's soup...
and coffee.
I'll get it.
- By yourself today, Gus?
- Yep.
You wanna get the soups,
I'll get the coffee?
You're a fucking peach,
you know it?
Don't touch me.
Most people smoke out of habit,
with you it seems like
some kind of ritual.
What does your wife
think of your smoking?
You drive a pickup truck?
I don't own a vehicle.
So where you coming from?
I mean,
we're in the middle
of the desert.
You gotta be walking distance.
I don't really have a place.
Where do you stay?
Here and there.
Here and there?
What's that mean?
Not having a place
isn't such a big deal.
Call me square,
but I think being homeless
is a pretty fucking big deal.
I didn't say I was homeless.
I just said
I don't have a place.
All right. Whatever.
See, I made a vow with
myself a long time ago
to try to have as few
possessions as possible.
That some sort of
religious practice?
Sort of.
I found that the more
possessions you have,
the more you've
attached to things,
and the more you're attached,
the more you suffer, so.
Who'd want to suffer?
That what the whole shaved
head thing is about?
You some sort
of wandering monk?
No. Just my own thing.
Well, you can keep that
religious shit for yourself.
Catholic school beat it out
of me a long time ago.
It must be lonely.
What is?
Not having faith
in some mysterious unseen
hand behind things.
I find that comforting.
See, I don't need faith.
I have experience.
That's Joseph Campbell.
Go figure.
Wandering monk in the
middle of the desert
reads Joseph Campbell.
What're the odds of that?
Plagiarism's a dangerous
habit for a writer.
What makes you think
I'm a writer?
You talk about writing.
No, I never talked
about writing.
You have the computer.
So I got a fucking computer?
I could be an accountant.
How would you know that?
I'm asking you,
how would you know that?
Who the fuck are you, man?
I know you from somewhere.
You're acting all cagey and
all this is just too weird.
- What is?
- All this.
Everything. Me getting a flyer
on my car, me coming here,
you sweeping up
and you don't work here?
- I come here a lot.
- Yeah, I know.
You told me. Now... now what?
You know I'm a writer?
I'm asking you.
How do you know this shit?
Are you fucking stalking me?
Stalking you?
Yeah.
You came here. You found me.
Why the fuck would
I be looking for you?
I don't know. Why?
No.
I'll get something
to eat somewhere else.
I'm out of here.
Henry.
Did you say my fucking name?
How do you know my name?
I'm going to ask you
one more time.
Who the fuck are you?
What is that?
Where'd you get that tattoo?
You know where I got it.
Henry, you were next to me.
I did it with a sewing pin.
We got the ink
from Tommy Douglass.
I don't know who
the fuck you are,
or what game
you're playing, pal,
but my brother died when
he was 19. He drowned.
I know they told you that.
What do you mean?
- He killed himself.
- I tried.
But I fucked it up. Please,
just listen to me, okay?
I went down to Coney Island,
I scored a ton of smack,
and I shot up,
I walked out into the water.
Next thing I knew,
I had washed up on the shore
down the beach,
I don't know how I got there,
but the next day
the shore patrol...
they probably found the suicide
note I left in my shoes.
The newspaper said
the tide took me out,
I became shark bait.
It happens all the time.
That's probably what
they told Mom and Dad.
Do you remember at my funeral?
Don't talk about
my brother's funeral.
It was a closed coffin, right?
Don't talk about
my brother's funeral.
It had to be a closed casket
because there was no body.
Here's the body. Right here.
I'm the fucking body.
No, no!
'Cause there was a coffin!
For closure.
For you, for Mom and Dad.
Look, what parent wants to tell
their 14-year-old son
that his older brother's body
was torn apart by boat engines,
by sharks, that there was
nothing left of him to collect.
When's my mother's birthday?
When was my mother's birthday?
September 22nd, 1944.
Where'd my cousin Paul
go to college?
West Point.
Where'd my Aunt Pat live?
Avenue A.
There was a vacuum repair shop
on the ground floor.
She lived on the fifth.
Remember? She had birds?
How do you know this shit?
Why are you fucking with me?
I'm not fucking with you, Boog.
I know, 'cause it's me.
Henry.
Henry, I'm sorry.
I never meant to hurt you.
I was just a fucked up kid
with a drug problem
I couldn't control.
The only thing I thought
I could control was ending it.
When I tried
and I fucked it up,
I said, you know what,
they think I'm dead.
I need to stay dead.
Just stay away.
I knew you'd be fucked up
for a while, but in time,
you'd all move on, and...
Henry?
For closure.
What makes you
think I'm a writer?
God, help... God, help me.
It's not...
Get in the car.
Get in the fucking car.
I don't want any trouble,
all right?
Too late for that.
Get in the car.
I am tired and I'm
totally fucking drained,
but if you don't get in, I'm gonna
throw you in, do you hear me?
Look, I already upset you,
all right?
- Just let me go...
- All right, don't listen to me.
It's fine. Get in the car.
Right now. Get in!
All right.
Calm down. Calm down.
Stay there.
What do we do now?
I just need to think. Okay?
So please, just...
just be quiet.
I never had a car.
This is very nice.
Are you fucking deaf?
I just said sit there
and be quiet.
Look, for what it's worth,
ever since I went
into that ocean,
my whole goddamn life's
been a lie.
All I've tried to do is
stay in the present moment.
Stay in the present,
stay in the present,
so I could forget
my past, but...
I couldn't.
I thought about you
all the time.
You're so full of shit.
All you thought about was where
your next fix was coming from.
You're wrong about that.
I never did drugs again
after my last attempt.
It was kind of a bottom for me.
That's kind of your bottom?
I think shooting up
a ton of heroin
and throwing yourself
in the ocean
is a fucking bottom, Chris.
I meant I never
went lower than that.
What's lower?
Henry, there is
always something lower.
I mean it.
I really did think
about you all the time.
I tried to live
my whole life in this...
in this state of penance to try
to make up for what I did,
but nothing can fix it.
And you got every reason
to shun me from here on.
You do.
I mean...
I destroyed the first half
of our lives. I did that.
I take responsibility for it.
But you got a chance here.
To repair what's left of them.
I mean this thing,
us running into each other
after 21 years,
it's a miracle.
I mean,
we can't blow this shot.
We got a second chance here.
And I get it if you think
I ain't worth a second chance.
I do.
It'd break my heart,
but I'd get it.
I missed you so much.
I missed you so much.
I missed you, too, Boog.
Bought this a few years ago.
Well, a couple of years
at the moment.
There's nothing
I can do for you.
Married for nine years.
I've read all your books.
We met each other
at a cocktail party.
Man, she's so beautiful.
- What's her name?
- Amy.
Wow.
This is yours?
Yeah, this is ours.
Amy loves it up here, you know?
We're trying to have kids.
She didn't want to raise
them in the city,
so, I don't know.
More space,
could be outside, play.
- Sure.
- All that.
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah, thanks.
Ho-ho. Not bad.
Yeah, not bad.
Must be the smoke detector.
Might need new batteries.
You'll have to excuse the place.
We haven't been here in months.
So, might not be tip-top shape.
Oh, goddamn.
Forgot to turn the phone on.
Your wife must be worried.
She'll be fine
if I call her tomorrow.
Pretty nice, huh?
Very nice.
How often do you
guys get up here?
Oh, boy. Not as much as Amy
would like, that's for sure.
Listen, pal.
Got a bottle of Jim Beam.
Sound good to you?
I mean, do you drink or did
you take a vow against it?
Tonight I drink.
That's what I wanted to hear.
Know what the craziest
thing about all this is?
I thought about you
all the time as a kid.
But I must've thought
about you more this year
than in the last ten
combined, you know?
It's like I fucking
conjured it.
Why this year?
Well,
I kind of went through a bit
of an ordeal this past year.
Ordeal?
Yeah, a little bout
of stomach cancer.
Oh, Jesus, Boog.
Talk about a swift
kick in the ass.
They caught it early,
they went in.
Partial gastrectomy.
Gave me chemo,
went through the chemo,
and I'm okay.
Pretty good. Knock wood.
How long ago was this?
They came out the other side
about six months ago.
Oh, Jesus, Boog.
I can't imagine what
you went through.
No, no you can't.
Pssh. Thank God for Amy, man.
Man, she was there day and
night, just holding my hand
through everything, just calm.
You were lucky to have her.
You have no idea.
During all this,
you kept coming up.
I kept thinking about us,
you know?
Memories of stuff
we used to do.
Shit, I hadn't thought
about in years.
It was fascinating
how my mind worked.
During the illness,
I'd think about trying to use
some of that for the book.
I've heard about this
from other people,
that when they come up
against something
that's too much for them
to handle, that their minds
will protect them
in all these different ways.
Like with... like memories
from a time in their life
when things were good.
I've heard this.
That's exactly,
exactly what happened.
My mind protected me
with this endless flow
of home movies
that just played
in my head of us.
- You know what came back to me?
- What?
This totally floored me.
'Cause I hadn't thought
about it in forever.
Do you remember the trip
we took to that little lake?
It was just me, you and Dad.
I don't know where
the hell Mom was.
He got this little cabin there
right on the lake.
I remember the best
part of that trip.
There was two best parts,
actually.
One of them is that Dad used
to make you cook lunch.
That's right, yeah.
And what did you make?
Mac and cheese, yeah.
The best mac and cheese ever.
I've tried to make
that mac and cheese.
- Ah.
- Oh, come on. I'm telling ya.
God, love it.
The other one...
this is my favorite.
It's the best part
of the whole thing.
Every morning,
we'd sleep in till about ten.
We'd go down the lake,
all the kids
with their little rafts,
busted up inner tubes.
And you'd go out there,
and you'd rent us
one of those big silver canoes.
The giant ones. You remember?
The brushed aluminum looked like
a fucking American Airlines jet.
You'd carry it down
over your head
and I'd try to hold
onto the back,
it'd be cracking me in the back
of the head, little pipsqueak.
Oh, those kids looked
at us with so much envy.
'Cause we were going out
in this fucking battleship.
Me and my big brother.
No one ever fucked with me when
you were around, you know that?
You were like
a full grown man to me.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You'd take that thing,
big old boat,
bring it down to the water,
you'd put me in.
I'd sit up right in front
like I'm the captain up there.
And all the kids looking at us
and we'd just row out, man.
We'd start rowing out.
We'd go right past 'em.
We were going all
the way out, man.
All the way to
the other fucking side.
Just keep going until they
couldn't see us anymore.
That's why I...
I was really overwhelmed
when I got cancer, you know?
'Cause I was going out
on these really dangerous
unchartered waters.
I didn't have anybody
to protect me.
Thing is, that, uh...
I don't know, you're hit
with this blunt force truth
and that is you're alone.
You know, you come in alone,
you go out alone.
You were never really alone.
Well, pretty goddamn lonely.
Sure, but you had your wife.
Yes, I did.
After all that,
you still smoke?
Wasn't lung cancer.
Oh, Jesus.
Before you kick him
with the whole
big brother lecture
about stopping smoking,
just letting you know,
my oncologist tried,
didn't work.
This is your journey, Henry.
I'm just glad to be part of it.
I respect your choices.
Shit.
We don't have to be
all glum, right?
I beat it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You cold?
No, I'm all right.
I'm freezing.
I'm gonna take a leak.
- Remember this?
- Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, it's... That's... yeah!
That's what I'm
talking about, uh-huh.
You mind if I just dig in here?
Go ahead.
Okay, oh, boy. This is... okay.
All right,
let's see what you got.
Holy shit.
What are you...
you motherfucking...
- Good?
- God damn, it's good.
Oh, Jesus, Chris.
I'm gonna eat the whole damn
casserole, that's the problem.
I see the letter opener
and there's nothing I can do.
Bam. It's in me.
I feel every inch of it.
It's just stretching
my guts out.
It's just fucking awful,
and, and...
and brutal, and fucking vivid.
What does your therapist say?
What does any shrink say?
He turns it back on me.
He says,
what do you think it means?
I say, I don't know.
Fear of death? Just...
I say, fear of failure.
He says, hmmm.
I say is it fear of sex?
Work? Fear of success?
Fear of the fucking Red Sox?
He says, Hmmm. Maybe you
should try these pills.
I say, hmmm.
Maybe I'll give them a shot.
It's the same shit every time.
What do you think it means?
Okay, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh, oh, oh. Wait a minute.
Check this out.
What? Where you going?
Look at this.
A puzzle.
Oh, yeah.
- Remember these?
- Of course.
You'd start me off
with the easy ones,
then bring me along.
Yeah, remember
the Jackson Pollack?
Yeah, what a pain
in the ass that was.
Yeah, with the splatter paint?
Oh, my god.
I gotta admit, this one
could be a bit more exciting.
I don't know. I kinda like it.
It reminds me of a poem I like.
Yeah? What's the poem?
It goes, the, um,
"The Leaves in an act
of great faith,
"let go of their branches
and fall to the ground
majestically."
Yeah, that's... that's pretty.
What do you think it means?
Could mean a lot
of different things.
That's what makes
it so beautiful.
No, no. Not the poem.
Your nightmare.
I don't know.
You know, why live with it?
The more I realize it's not
death that I'm afraid of,
dying's easy.
Got a real taste of that.
What do you mean?
There's freedom in it.
You know, you don't care.
Everything just falls
out of your focus.
Just not a priority anymore.
No one expects you to worry
about them anymore.
No one expects anything
out of you really,
except to die
with a little grace
and not ask them to speak
at your funeral.
So all these pressures we kill
ourselves with on a daily basis,
all these little dragons
that we're trying to slay,
they all just evaporate,
you know?
All that's left
is the big dragon.
It's so big.
So, overpowering.
And they tell you,
you've got to fight it.
You take the pills
they tell you to take,
you eat the food
they tell you to eat.
You do everything
they tell you to do.
Then you just wait.
You wait to see
if they got it all.
And that is a terrible time.
And I realized that...
sometime's life puts you in
positions where you have no out.
You're waiting
for a phone call...
a phone call.
To determine the outcome
of your life.
What'd that feel like?
I was pissed.
Pissed?
No.
No.
I was afraid.
I was deeply, deeply afraid.
I've been scared
other times in my life.
Nothing compared
to those times.
Every time, you know,
I have the dream,
I relive that feeling.
It's a horrible, horrible thing
to come to the most
important part of your life,
and have no say in the matter.
It's horrible.
It scared the piss out of me.
Well, there it is.
There what is?
What you've been looking for
with what the dream represents.
Maybe it's not about
fear of dying.
Maybe it's about
loss of control.
Maybe, I don't know.
No, Henry.
You've had a breakthrough.
I really think you have.
I think you're ready
to let go of it
and to move on...
to what comes next.
Whatever comes next is gonna
have to wait till tomorrow.
'Cause I'm exhausted.
Look, I got extra bedrooms.
Yeah, couch is fine.
'Night, Chris.
Goodnight, Henry.
Ah, Jesus Christ.
Chris?
Oh, God. Feel like shit.
My stomach's killing me.
Chris, come on.
I need you to come out here.
My God.
Hey!
Chris!
Chris!
Amy?
I love you so much.
Amy. Ame. Honey, honey, shhh.
I'm sick. I'm sick.
Amy, I need you
to get me some help.
I think you should call for help.
I can't find Chris.
Amy, I found my brother.
- Hang the phone up.
- Where were you?
- Right here.
- No, no, no.
I was looking for you.
You were on that bridge.
I'm right here.
I didn't go anywhere.
Amy?
- Put down the phone.
- Ame?
- Henry, there's no chance...
- She called me on the phone.
She called me.
- Didn't she?
- No.
Didn't the phone break?
Oh, my God.
How'd you sleep?
What?
The dream.
You didn't have it, did you?
The dream?
Of course you didn't have it,
'cause you figured out
what it means now.
No, no, Chris. Listen to me.
Fuck the dream, okay?
I'm sick. I'm sick.
I'm dying here, man.
My stomach's cramping up.
I need help.
- It's killing me.
- I know. I know. Shhh.
It's okay, okay.
Goddamn, that was inten...
That was intense.
How are you? You okay?
I'm fine.
I'm going to the bathroom.
- Don't go anywhere.
- No, I gotta get going.
Henry, don't run away.
Chris!
Chris! I'm bleeding!
Chris! I'm hemorrhaging.
You gotta call me an ambulance.
Whoa, whoa. Shhh.
It's okay. It's all
part of the process.
Mmm. Process? What process?
The dying process.
What did you do to me?
Shhh. It's all right.
It's all right.
Oh, my God. You poisoned me.
You fucking poisoned me.
I knew something didn't
feel right about this.
What hasn't
felt right, Henry? Think.
What hasn't felt right?
What'd you do to me?
Hmmm? How'd you find me?
How'd you know I'd
be in that diner?
What's that?
The earth elements
are leaving you, Henry.
The blood, the water, all your
fluids are draining out of you.
That's very good.
Why did you do this to me?
Why did you do this to me,
you sick fuck?
Somebody help!
Somebody help!
I'm here to help you, Henry.
No. Get away from me.
Get away from me!
You're not my brother.
Of course I'm your brother.
You know that.
My brother died when
he was 19. He drowned.
You could be anybody!
Were you in the bathroom
down the road
a little while ago?
You're using all your energy.
What the fuck are you, man?
It's getting harder to breathe.
Are you fucking stalking me?
That's good, Henry.
Relax into it.
It'll all be over soon.
I promise.
Fuck you.
Henry, listen to me.
There's not much time left.
You have come to the most
important moment of your life.
To the gap between
life and death.
Your whole world is dissolving.
Your body is dissolving.
And all you have
left now is your mind.
And for the first time you
see it for what it really is,
the architect
of your entire being.
You created all this.
You created me.
I only say what
you want me to say,
what you need me to say.
It's your journey, Henry.
Not dying.
Henry who attacked you
in the dream?
A man.
What man?
What did he look like?
He was big.
What was he wearing?
Gloves.
What type of gloves?
- Dark gloves.
- Henry, think again.
Think. What...
What else was he wearing?
I don't know.
I don't know. A suit...
No, he wasn't, Henry. Think.
See what's there. Think harder.
He shined a light in my eyes.
He stabbed... He stabbed me.
He stabbed me.
The operation was a failure.
When they opened you up,
they saw that the cancer
had spread everywhere.
There was nothing they could do
for you but send you home,
to die with dignity.
You created all this.
The nightmare, the new book,
the trip.
Meeting me.
Having your brother back
in your life to protect you.
This was all you
trying to figure out something
you didn't understand.
See, but now you do.
Now you know you're
not afraid of dying.
You're just afraid
of having no choices.
But, Henry, there's still
one choice you can make.
You can choose to let go.
Henry, please.
Make that choice.
Don't let it be made for you.
Rob? Rob, he's doing it again.
What did Doctor Park say?
We have permission
to up his morphine,
and I think it'll help.
Is he in pain?
No, no, that's not pain.
That's, uh, that's just
more of a reflex, really.
Doctors like to call that
the sound of hard effort.
And it can be very difficult
to die, but it's not pain.
Rob?
Would it be okay if I had
a minute alone with him?
Of course.
Just call me if you need me.
So...
I love you.
It's okay to let go.
Let go, honey. Let go.
I'll be okay.
Just let go. Let go.
"Leaves in an act
of great faith,"
"let go of their branches."
"They fall to the ground,
majestically."
Hey.
What?
I don't wanna go.
I don't wanna leave.
I don't want you to go either.
I've loved every minute of it.
Every minute of it.
I love you.
Hey, I don't want
you worrying about me.
I'll be fine.
Really. I'll be fine.
I love you, Amy.
I'll be okay, promise.
Oh, my God.
I don't want her
to suffer anymore.
I know you don't.
But, Henry,
suffering is a choice.
The tighter you hold on,
the more you suffer
and the more you suffer,
the more Amy suffers.
What do I do, Chrls?
What do I do?
You let go.
Henry, have great faith.
Fall majestically.