Little Nicky (2000) Movie Script
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
Michal Prerovsky
WE'RE FROM THE SCHOOL,
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROCK IT UP, SUCKERS,
I CAN ROCK ABOUT THE BLOCKS
WE'RE FROM THE SCHOOL,
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROCK IT UP, SUCKERS,
I CAN ROCK ABOUT THE BLOCKS
LET ME SHOW YOU
WHAT I MADE TODAY.
I CAN'T WAIT.
I NEED TO GO UPSTAIRS
AND CHANGE,
AND THEN I'LL
START DINNER.
OK.
OK.
OK.
Kool and the Gang:
AND THE FEELING'S RIGH
OH, YES, IT'S LADIES NIGH
OH, WHAT A NIGH
OH, WHAT A NIGH
Peeper, singing along:
OH, YES, IT'S LADIES NIGH
AND THE FEEL--
OOH, SHOWTIME.
AND THE FEEL--
OOH, SHOWTIME.
ROUGH DAY AT THE OFFICE,
MRS. DUNLEAVY?
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER ONCE YOU
GET OUT OF THOSE WORK CLOTHES.
HA HA. AND INTO SOME SWEATS.
[CHUCKLES]
HA HA. AND INTO SOME SWEATS.
[CHUCKLES]
AHH.
OHH. I WISH YOU'D LET ME
RUB THOSE FEET.
OF COURSE,
I WOULDN'T USE MY HANDS.
[WHEEZING]
[WHEEZING]
OH.
I THINK VICTORIA
JUST TOLD ME HER SECRET.
OHH.
TTT TTT-TTT-TT TTT TTT-TTT-TT
TTT TTT-TTT-TTT TT
OH, MY, DEEDLY DEE.
ARE THOSE THINGS FOR ME?
EEE.
OHH.
Boy: MOM.
COMING IN.
OHH. SCOTTIE DUNLEAVY?
WHAT UNFORTUNATE TIMING.
GET OUT.
DON'T YOU KNOW
THIS IS NAUGHTY TIME?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
[RING]
HELLO?
HELLO, SCOTTIE.
SAY, WHY DON'T YOU
BE A GOOD LITTLE BOY,
GO DOWNSTAIRS, LET YOUR MOTHER
GET COMFY, ALL RIGHT?
WHO IS THIS?
THIS IS A BIG BIRD WHO WANTS
TO SEE THE REST OF MOMMY.
NAH HA HA HA HA HA!
[GASPS]
OH, OH.
OH, MY GOD, SCOTTIE.
IS THAT A MAN UP OUR TREE?
NO, NO.
TELL HER IT'S A BIRD.
IT'S JUST A BIG BIRD.
IT'S JUST A BIG BIRD.
BAWK! BAWK BAWK BAWK!
BAWK! BAWK!
AAH!
OOH!
UHH!
OHH!
OHH!
HEY, PAL, WELCOME.
WELCOME TO WHAT?
WHERE AM I?
AAH!
AREN'T YOU THAT HORNY GUY
WHO WAS PRETENDING
TO BE A BIG BIRD?
CHECKING OU THAT BEAUTIFUL MOM?
YES, I AM.
NOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE
WHAT A BIG HORNY BIRD
ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE...
IN HELL!
[CAW CAW]
[LADIES NIGHTPLAYING]
AAH!
Kool and the Gang:
OH, YES, IT'S LADIES NIGH
NO! NO! NO! NO!
NO! NO! NO! NO!
I DESERVE THIS!
I DESERVE THIS!
OHH! OHH!
OHH! OHH!
OHH! OHH!
[RUNNIN' WITH THE DEVIL
BY VAN HALEN PLAYING]
[BIRD SCREECHES]
[THUNDER]
[THUNDER]
KNOCK, KNOCK.
HEY, JIMMY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
NICKY?
I'M JUST JAMMIN'.
YOUR FATHER WANTS TO SEE
YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS
DOWN IN THE THRONE ROOM.
HE'S NOT RETIRING TODAY,
IS HE?
HE JUST WANTS TO TALK TO YOU
AND CASSIUS AND ADRIAN
ABOUT WHO'S GONNA RULE HELL
FOR THE NEXT 10,000 YEARS.
WELL, WHAT DO
I NEED TO GO FOR?
HE'S NOT GONNA PICK ME.
HA HA HA! I HAPPEN TO THINK
YOU'D MAKE A GREAT DEVIL.
NO, I'M NOT INTO EVIL
AND TORTURE
AND ALL THAT STUFF.
PLUS,
THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS
SHOULD HAVE SORT OF
A DISTINGUISHED LOOK TO HIM,
AND LET'S FACE FACTS,
I'M NO GEORGE CLOONEY.
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NO A BAD-LOOKING GUY, NICKY.
LOOK AT YOU
IN THAT PICTURE.
LOOK AT YOU
IN THAT PICTURE.
YEAH, I USED TO
TALK NORMAL, TOO,
BUT THAT WAS BEFORE
MY BROTHER CASSIUS
HIT ME IN THE FACE
WITH A SHOVEL.
THAT'S ME NOW,
AND I ACCEPT IT.
WELL, YOUR BROTHERS
ARE TWO OF THE SICKEST GUYS
I HAVE EVER SEEN.
FOR SOME REASON,
YOU'RE NOT.
IT'S NOTHIN'
TO BE ASHAMED OF.
WELL, THEIR MOTHERS
WERE FIRE DRAGONS
AND MY MOTHER
WAS A GOAT,
SO HOW AM I GONNA
COMPETE WITH THAT?
YOUR MOTHER
WAS NOT A GOAT.
YOUR BROTHERS ARE
JUST PLAYING WITH YOU.
EITHER WAY, IF ONE OF
THOSE PSYCHOS GETS PICKED,
I'M DOOMED.
Cassius: I KNEW IT, ADRIAN.
HE'S FINALLY RETIRING.
Adrian: CASSIUS, I'VE BEEN
WAITING ON THIS DAY
FOR 10,000 YEARS.
FOR 10,000 YEARS.
WHEW.
IF THE OLD MAN PICKS ME
TO TAKE OVER HELL,
I'M GONNA KEEP
TORTURE GOING 24-7.
NO BREAKS.
WHOA, MAMA!
YOU GOT HIM RIGH IN THE EYE.
[LAUGHING]
HEY.
OHH!
HOW'S DADDY'S LITTLE
GIRL DOING TODAY?
OH, I DIDN'T SEE
YOU GUYS OVER THERE.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, SHOVEL FACE,
YOU WANNA MIND-WRESTLE?
ACTUALLY, NAH,
I'M ALL RIGHT.
I WAS THINKING
OF CHILLING OU
BY THE THRONE
FOR A LITTLE BIT.
I'M GONNA MIND-WRESTLE YOU
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
WELL,
I HAVE TO WARN YOU,
I'M GETTING
PRETTY GOOD AT IT.
THEN I GUESS I CAN' MAKE YOU DO THIS.
OK. MERCY. YOU WIN.
I GIVE. GAME OVER.
WHAT ARE YOU BOYS DOING?
AAH!
NOTHING, DAD, JUST HITTING
THE OLD PUNCHING BAGS.
CASSIUS, DIDN'T I TELL YOU
TO STAY OUT OF
YOUR BROTHER'S MIND?
I FORGOT.
MAYBE THIS WILL
HELP YOU REMEMBER.
AAH! OOH!
[THUNDER]
NOW, EVERYBODY
COME SIT DOWN.
HEY, DAD.
YES, SON.
I--I KNOW YOU GO A LOT ON YOUR MIND,
BUT I ALMOST FINISHED
THAT MONSTERS OF METAL
COMPILATION TAPE.
I REALLY THINK IT'S TURNING
INTO A MASTERPIECE.
OK, KID.
WE'LL LISTEN TO IT LATER.
THANKS, THANKS.
THANKS, THANKS.
OH, A WINDOW.
HELLO, MR. DEVIL,
I LIKE YOUR CAPE.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
[SQUAWKING]
AAH!
AAH!
[PEEPER GRUNTING]
I DESERVE THIS!
Satan: FELLAS...
THIS, AS SOME OF YOU
MIGHT KNOW,
IS MY 10,000th YEAR
AS PRINCE OF DARKNESS,
SO I THINK THE TIME
HAS COME TO DISCUSS
WHO WILL SUCCEED ME.
UH, KNOCK, KNOCK.
YES, JIMMY?
DON'T FORGET-
YOU'RE SHOVING
A PINEAPPLE
UP HITLER'S ASS
AT 4:00 P. M.
UP HITLER'S ASS
AT 4:00 P. M.
THIS WAS A VERY
DIFFICULT DECISION,
BECAUSE I HAVE
I MEAN, ADRIAN--
SO SMART, SO RUTHLESS.
WEARS MAKEUP.
AND CASSIUS-
SO STRONG, SO TOUGH.
DON'T FORGE CLINICALLY INSANE.
AND NICKY-
AND NICKY-
SUCH A SWEET BOY.
[LAUGHS]
BUT AFTER MUCH THOUGH
AND CAREFUL CONSIDERATION,
I'VE DECIDED THAT THE RULER
FOR THE NEXT 10,000 YEARS
IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE...
IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE...
ME.
WHAT?
HALLELUJAH.
I MEAN, THAT SUCKS.
THE IMPORTANT THING FOR
THE STABILITY OF OUR RULE
IS TO MAINTAIN THE BALANCE
BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL,
AND I DON'T THINK
ANY OF YOU
ARE READY FOR
THAT RESPONSIBILITY YET.
DAD, THIS IS BULLSHIT!
I DON'T LIKE
THAT LANGUAGE.
I DON'T LIKE
THAT LANGUAGE.
AHEM.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
SEND HIM IN.
SORRY, BOYS.
I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.
Nicky: WELL, IT WAS GOOD
HANGING WITH YOU, DAD.
I'LL CHECK YOU LATER.
I'LL CHECK YOU LATER.
MM-MMM.
MM-MMM.
UHH!
UHH!
MM-HMM.
YOU'RE SCHNERIOUS?
YOU'RE SCHNERIOUS?
Hitler: AAH!
Hitler: AAH!
OFF, OFF, OFF,
OFF, OFF.
AHH.
DAMN!
GRANDPA LUCIFER SAID,
"IT'S BETTER
TO RULE IN HELL
THAN IT IS TO SERVE
IN HEAVEN."
WELL, I'M TIRED
OF SERVING IN HELL.
WE NEED SOMEWHERE
WHERE WE CAN RULE.
[ROARS]
[LAUGHS]
BRING IT ON, BIG MAN.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
[WHIMPERS]
[LAUGHS]
COULD YOU CONCENTRATE
FOR 5 SECONDS?
I AM CONCENTRATING, MAN.
I'M SORRY.
AFTER CAREFUL
CONSIDERATION,
I MUST RESPECTFULLY
DECLINE.
I CAN'T STAND
RETIREMENT.
COME ON. JUST LET ME
WIN ONE SUPER BOWL.
IN EXCHANGE FOR ETERNAL
DAMNATION OF YOUR SOUL?
YOU'RE MUCH
TOO NICE A GUY
FOR ME TO WANT TO DO
THAT TO YOU, MR. MARINO.
YOU DID IT FOR NAMATH.
YEAH, BUT JOE
WAS COMING HERE ANYWAYS.
THIS SUCKS.
I'LL JUST GO TO THE SUPER
BOWL AS AN ANNOUNCER,
AND I'LL WIN MYSELF
AN EMMY!
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
YOU'RE A GOOD DEVIL, DAD.
AND I ALSO HAPPEN
TO BE A JETS FAN.
[LAUGHS]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT...EARTH?
WE COULD CREATE
OUR OWN HELL THERE.
ARE YOU SAYING WE GO UP
THERE AND KILL EVERYONE?
EVENTUALLY, CASSIUS,
BUT FIRST,
WE'D HAVE TO CORRUP AS MANY SOULS AS WE CAN,
SO THAT WHEN
WE DO DESTROY THEM...
THEIR DAMNED SOULS
WILL BE OURS.
IT'S OUR TIME, BROTHER.
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
HAAH!
HAAH!
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
FELLAS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Both: WE'RE LEAVING.
Gatekeeper:
YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH THERE!
THE FIRE FLOWS IN,
NOT OUT.
AAH!
AAH!
YOU REALLY SUCK!
YOU REALLY SUCK!
YOUR EVILNESS!
YOUR EVILNESS!
CASSIUS AND ADRIAN
HAVE ESCAPED FROM HELL.
THEY WENT OU THROUGH THE FIRE,
AND THEY FROZE IT.
I TRIED TO
STOP THEM, SIR,
BUT THEY OVERPOWERED ME.
[SOBBING]
[SOBBING]
CALM DOWN.
GET OFF YOUR KNEES.
[DISTANT ALARM SOUNDS]
THANK YOU FOR BEING
SO UNDERSTANDING,
YOUR WICKEDNESS.
YOU'RE THE MAN. YOU'VE
ALWAYS BEEN THE MAN.
I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT.
I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT.
OH. OH.
ARE THERE BOOBS
ON MY HEAD?
YEAH--BIG ONES.
WHAT'S GOING ON, DAD?
I'M GOING TO DIE, NICKY.
THE GATES ARE BROKEN.
NO NEW SOULS CAN GET IN,
WHICH MEANS I'LL STAR TO DETERIORATE INTO NOTHING.
NO. NO.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THOSE
"HOO HOO" NOISES?
EVERYTHING'S FINE, POP.
EVERYTHING'S FINE?
WHO ARE YOU BULLSHITTING?
THE LAST TIME YOU SAID
EVERYTHING WAS FINE,
THE RENAISSANCE
HAPPENED.
PLEASE, POP,
GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM.
HEY, CAN I TAKE HIM
WITH ME?
SURE, POP.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
TIT-HEAD,
GO WITH MY FATHER.
TIT-HEAD,
GO WITH MY FATHER.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[JIMMY KNOCKS ON ICE]
NOT A DAMN SOUL IS GOING
TO GET THROUGH THAT.
THIS FIRE
IS SOLID AS ROCK.
WE GOT TO GET THIS
BAD BOY BURNING AGAIN.
TO DO THAT,
CASSIUS AND ADRIAN
HAVE TO COME BACK THROUGH
THE OTHER WAY.
SO GO GET 'EM, DAD.
I'M TOO WEAK.
THE PROCESS
HAS ALREADY BEGUN.
[WHIMPERS]
SO GO GET 'EM,
JIMMY.
I'M JUST A DEMON.
I DON'T HAVE
DEVIL BLOOD IN ME.
I--I WOULDN'T LAS
WITH YOUR BROTHERS
UP THERE.
ARE YOU SAYING
IT'S UP TO ME?
HUH?
YOU SAID NO SOULS
COULD GET THROUGH THAT.
NICKY, ARE YOU A SOUL,
OR ARE YOU
THE SPAWN OF SATAN?
OR ARE YOU
THE SPAWN OF SATAN?
I NEVER BEEN
TO EARTH, DAD.
I NEVER EVEN SLEPT OVER
SOME OTHER DUDE'S HOUSE.
NICKY, THE WORST THING
THAT COULD HAPPEN ON EARTH
IS YOU GET KILLED,
IN WHICH CASE,
BOOM-
YOU END UP BACK HERE.
SO YOU'RE SAYING
I NEED TO GO TO EARTH
AND KILL MY BROTHERS?
NO GO.
THEY LEFT TOGETHER
AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.
THEY GO TO COME BACK TOGETHER
AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.
HERE.
HERE.
GET THEM TO DRINK
FROM THIS.
ONE SIP, AND THEY'LL BE
TRAPPED INSIDE.
ONCE YOU'VE GO BOTH OF THEM,
YOU BRING THE FLASK
BACK THROUGH THE GATE.
LET ME, SIR.
GROSS!
[SNIFFS]
UHH.
HE'S GO LESS THAN A WEEK.
HE'S GO LESS THAN A WEEK.
Nicky: DAD,
I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN DO THIS.
SON, YOU...
TRY YOUR BEST.
[ROARS]
AAH!
[ROARS]
[ROARS]
EARTH.
EARTH.
IT DOESN'T LOOK TOO BAD.
IT DOESN'T LOOK TOO BAD.
[TRAIN APPROACHES]
[HONKS HORN]
[HONKS HORN]
YOU WERE GONE 10 SECONDS.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I GOT HI BY THIS BIG LIGH
THAT WAS ATTACHED
TO A LOT OF METAL.
THAT'S A TRAIN, SON.
DON'T STAND
IN FRONT OF THEM.
WELL, I'LL HAVE TO TAKE
A MULLIGAN ON THIS ONE.
PLEASE, NICKY,
GET BACK UP THERE.
ALL RIGHT. WHOA!
I'LL GET THA FOR YOU, SIR.
I'LL GET THA FOR YOU, SIR.
I'M NICKY.
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
NOW GET OFF THE TRACK
AND COME WITH ME,
HANDSOME.
OK.
Beefy: WELCOME
TO GRAND CENTRAL STATION
IN NEW YORK CITY.
MY NAME IS BEEFY.
I'M AN OLD FRIEND
OF YOUR FATHER'S.
HE ASKED ME
TO HELP YOU OUT.
I JUST WANT TO FIND
MY BROTHERS
AND BE ON MY WAY.
IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY.
YOUR BROTHERS
CAN POSSESS PEOPLE,
SO THEY PROBABLY
WON'T LOOK LIKE THEMSELVES.
YOU HAVE TO BE SUSPICIOUS
OF EVERYONE.
ALL RIGHT, BRO.
WELL, THE JIG
IS UP, THEN.
GET IN THE FLASK.
COME ON.
IT AIN'T ME, MORON.
SORRY. I...
NOW, THERE'S
THIS BLIND GUY OUTSIDE
YOU MIGHT THINK
IS POSSESSED,
BUT HE'S JUST CRAZY.
OK.
HEY, YO,
UPTOWN, WHAT?
Deacon: THOUGH I CANNO SEE WITH THESE BLIND EYES,
I KNOW THE GOOD LORD
STILL LOVES ME.
HE LOVES
ALL OF HIS CHILDREN.
WHY, HE LOVES YOU...
Beefy:
THAT'S HIM.
AND HE LOVES YOU.
[SNIFFS]
Beefy:
HERE HE GOES.
YOU MAKE THE LORD
VERY NERVOUS.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'VE BEEN--
I'M BURNIN' NOW.
TAKE IT EASY.
HELLFIRE
IS BURNIN' ME ALIVE!
Beefy:
HE'S BURNING.
BURNIN' ME!
AAH!
THE BEAST IS ALIVE!
HE'S AMONG US!
CLEAR THE STREETS!
THE DEVIL IS HERE!
[HITS GROUND]
UHH!
HEH HEH HEH.
MAKING FRIENDS ALREADY.
I DON'T KNOW WHA THAT GUY'S PROBLEM WAS.
IT'S FREEZING UP HERE.
YOU'RE IN
THE HUMAN WORLD NOW, KID.
YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL
A LOT OF NEW THINGS
YOU NEVER FELT BEFORE.
LET'S GET YOU
SOME WARM CLOTHES
AND SOME HOT FOOD.
YEAH.
YEAH.
PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.
PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.
NOW MOVE YOUR TEETH
UP AND DOWN.
UP AND DOWN.
UP AND DOWN.
GOOD, NUMB NUTS.
NOW YOU GO TO SWALLOW IT.
TILT YOUR HEAD BACK
AND LET THE MEAT SLIDE
DOWN YOUR THROAT HOLE.
[GAGS]
EASY. DON'T CHOKE.
[SWALLOWS]
[SWALLOWS]
POPEYE'S CHICKEN
IS FUCKING AWESOME.
UH-HUH.
NOW EAT UP. YOU'RE GOING
TO NEED YOUR ENERGY.
I GOT ENERGY
UP THE YING-YANG.
LET'S GO SAVE DAD.
ADRIAN! CASSIUS!
Woman: AAH!
OH, BOY.
SO NICE.
UHH!
UHH!
HEY.
H-HEY.
H-HEY.
I LIKE YOUR BRASSIERE.
OH. THANK YOU.
COULD YOU GUYS MAYBE NO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS?
YEAH. YOU GOT IT.
DO YOU MIND MAYBE NO TELLING ANYBODY ABOUT THIS?
YOU GOT IT.
[GROWLS]
LOOK, SIDEWALK
EQUALS SAFETY.
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD
EQUALS DEATH.
FROM NOW ON,
I'M JUST GOING
TO TRY TO AVOID
ALL MOVING
METAL OBJECTS.
GREAT. NOW, YOUR FATHER
GAVE ME SOME DEPOSIT MONEY
FOR A NICE PAD
ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE,
BUT I MISPLACED IT.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'M WASTED! AHH!
SO I FOUND
THIS OTHER JOINT FOR YOU,
BUT YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE A ROOMMATE.
THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING BETTER
THAN DRINKING
AN ICE-COLD WHISKEY SOUR
ON A HOT ALABAMA NIGHT,
AND THAT'S
TELLING THE TRUTH.
I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK
ABOUT ME, GRANDMA.
YOU THINK I'M WORTHLESS.
YOU THINK
I'M A STUMBLEBUM
WHO AIN'T NEVER GOING
TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.
WELL, OLD WOMAN,
YOU ARE WRONG.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[WHISPERING]
You are wrong.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
HELLO, FRIEND.
MY NAME IS NICKY.
I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE
SEEKING A ROOMMATE,
AS PER YOUR AD IN
THEVILLAGE VOICE.
WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE
FOR ME TO FILL THE SLOT?
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT RENT IS?
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT RENT IS?
YES.
WHAT IS RENT?
IT'S 1200,
SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE.
TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS,
I REHEARSE WITH
MY SCENE PARTNER,
SO THE LIVING ROOM'S
GOING TO BE OFF-LIMITS.
OFF-LIMITS.
AREN'T YOU BOILING HO IN THAT OUTFIT? NO.
IT'S LIKE 80 DEGREES
IN THIS HALLWAY.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM,
THE SOUTH?
WHERE ARE YOU FROM,
THE SOUTH?
YES.
YES.
THE DEEP SOUTH.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
WHY IS THAT FUNNY?
I DON'T KNOW.
OK. AND SORRY, GUY,
BUT NO DOGGIES ALLOWED.
Beefy: GO ON.
BIG DAY TOMORROW.
AND DON'T FORGE TO DO THAT SLEEP THING
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
GOTCHA.
YOU'RE NOT MY BROTHER,
ARE YOU?
OH.
I'M AN ONLY CHILD.
YOU LOVE ACTING.
I LOVE PISSING.
I LOVE PISSING.
[NICKY SNORES]
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[ROARING]
OH, MY GOD!
[BELL TOLLING,
CHOIR SINGING]
[BELL TOLLING,
CHOIR SINGING]
Choir: AMEN
Choir: AMEN
IN TODAY'S GOSPEL,
THE LORD TELLS US
HOW WE SHOULD LIVE
IF WE WISH TO ATTAIN
THE SPLENDOR OF HEAVEN.
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
JESUS THIS, MOSES THAT.
ABRAHAM HIT ME
WITH A WIFFLE BALL BAT.
[HUMMING]
[HUMMING]
YEP. THE LORD SURE DID SAY
A LOT OF HIBBITY JIBBITY
BIBBITY SWIBBITY.
A LOT OF HIBBITY JIBBITY
BIBBITY SWIBBITY.
BUT...
HAS HE EVER
REALLY DONE ANYTHING
FOR ANY OF US?
HAS HE EVER PUT A JAGUAR XJR
IN MY DRIVEWAY?
NO.
I LOVE THAT CAR.
HAS THE LORD GIVEN ANY
OF MY ENEMIES THE HERPES?
THE HERPES?
NO.
THE LORD GAVE MY SON
THE STRENGTH
TO GET OFF DRUGS.
MA'AM, I KNOW YOUR SON,
AND, BELIEVE ME, HE WAS
BETTER OFFONTHE DRUGS.
AT LEAST WHEN
HE WAS SMOKING HASHISH
HE USED TO MAKE ME LAUGH
OCCASIONALLY.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
AFTER WE TRIED
FOR MANY YEARS,
THE LORD FINALLY
HELPED MY WIFE
CONCEIVE A BABY.
NO, NO, NO.
YOUR BEST FRIEND FITZY
HELPED YOUR WIFE
CONCEIVE A BABY.
HE HELPED HER CONCEIVE I
ALL NIGHT LONG.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
[CROWD BOOS]
HOW ABOUT YOU, MAYOR?
HAS THE LORD
EVER DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU?
WELL, YOU KNOW, I-
I WISHED I COULD
THINK OF SOMETHING,
BUT, TO BE HONES WITH YOU, I CAN'T.
I CAN'T THINK OF A DAMN THING
HE'S EVER DONE FOR ME!
KIND OF MAKES YOU WONDER
IF THERE EVEN IS A LORD,
IF THERE EVEN IS
AN ULTIMATE PUNISHMEN
FOR OUR SO-CALLED SINS.
WHY DON'T WE ALL
JUST HAVE FUN
AND DO WHATEVER
THE HELL WE WANT?
HEY, HEY!
Father: LET THE SIN BEGIN.
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
Cassius:
LET THE SIN BEGIN.
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
Adrian:
THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!
I NEVER WANT IT TO END.
WHY SHOULD IT END?
WHO'S GOING TO STOP US?
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
COME ON. THERE'S, LIKE,
AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING.
WELL, LET'S
ROCK AND ROLL, THEN.
UHH!
I'M NOT GET IN
THIRSTY! THE FLASK.
I'M NOT GET IN
THIRSTY! THE FLASK.
AAH!
CASSIUS,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
OW! OW!
CASSIUS,
GET IN THE FLASK.
[YELLS UNINTELLIGIBLY]
GET IN THE FLASK.
GET IN THE FLASK.
MAY I HELP YOU? GET IN
THE FLASK.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, MAN?
I'M TALKING ABOU AN 8-PIECE. LET'S GO.
LOOK, IT'S OK FOR ME
TO SHIT IN THE STREET,
BUT YOU GOT TO USE
A TOILET.
OK.
NICKY, WHERE ARE YOU?
AW, COME ON.
WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?
JUST GET IN THE FLASK.
I GOTTA GET ADRIAN.
[POLAR BEAR ROARS]
AAH!
AAH!
???? OOH, OOH, OOH ????
GARY'S SO HAIRY.
[LAUGHS]
TICKLE, TICKLE,
TICKLE. OOH!
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
ALL THAT CHASING
AND RUNNING AROUND
IS MAKING ME WANT TO DO
THE SLEEP THING AGAIN.
KID, I LIKE
YOUR ENTHUSIASM,
BUT I THINK
WE HAVE TO WORK ON
NARROWING DOWN
OUR LIST OF SUSPECTS.
NOW I'M GOING
TO GO CHECK IN
WITH SOME OF
MY CONTACTS UPTOWN.
YEAH.
[SNORES]
[ROARS]
[ROARS]
KID'S GO A LOT OF EVIL IN HIM
JUST BEGGING
TO COME OUT.
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[ROARING]
[ROARING]
[SCREECHING]
[BARKING AND HOWLING]
[BARKING AND HOWLING]
[SNORES]
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[SNORES]
I WILL EAT YOUR HEART.
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
THERE'S OUR MAN.
WELL, MR. SLEEPYHEAD
MUST HAVE SOME MAJOR TIES
TO THE DARK SIDE.
MUST HAVE SOME MAJOR TIES
TO THE DARK SIDE.
WHAT'S WITH THAT GUY?
IT'S GOT TO BE ONE
OF HIS DISCIPLES OR SOMETHING.
[GROWLS]
MY MAN'S INTO
DEEP NOCTURNAL SHIT.
WHOO! MM-HMM. YEAH.
John: YO, MAN,
I THINK THAT DEVIL GUY
JUST GOT RIPPED OFF.
SHOULD WE WAKE HIM UP?
YEAH. YOU DO IT.
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS]
RISE AND SHINE,
DEVIL GUY.
SOME DUDE
JUST STOLE YOUR SHIT.
WHAT? WHERE?
AAH!
WHICH WAY DID HE GO?
UH, THAT WAY.
THANKS.
GIVE ME BACK
MY FLASK!
DID YOU CHECK OU THE DRAGON MOUTH?
THE DARK PRINCE
IS HERE.
UHH!
UHH!
UHH!
UHH!
RUNNIN', RUNNIN',
RUNNIN'
THROUGH MY HEAD
THEY TELL YOU
IT WAS GOOD FOREVER
BUT I KNOW
IT'S NOW OR NEVER
RUNNIN', RUNNIN',
RUNNIN'
THROUGH MY HEAD
Man: CHECK OUT MY STUFF.
I GOT A LOW PRICE.
I GOT A PEPPER SHAKER.
I GOT A SILVER DOODAD
FROM AFRICA.
HEY.
SEE SOMETHING
YOU LIKE, MY MAN?
YES. I WOULD LIKE
MY FLASK BACK.
YOU CALLING ME
A THIEF, MY MAN?
I'M CALLING YOU THE GUY
WHO HAS MY FLASK.
HOW WOULD I HAVE IT UNLESS
I WAS, IN FACT, A THIEF?
I DON'T KNOW.
NOW YOU'VE GONE
AND DONE IT.
YOU DONE MESSED
WITH MY BUSINESS, BITCH.
I WOULD APPRECIATE I IF YOU KEPT YOUR VOICE DOWN.
OH...
YOU GOING ALL
CRAZY-EYED ON ME.
I'LL SHOW YOU
SOME CRAZY EYE.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
LOOK AT THIS. COME ON,
LET'S GET BUSY.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
WHO?
DOES THAT FLASK
BELONG TO THIS MAN?
NOW YOU GOING TO CALL ME
A THIEF, TOO? DAMN.
OK, LOOK, TODAY,
THE GUY YOU RIPPED OFF
JUST HAPPENED TO WALK BY
AND BUST YOU,
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUS GIVE HIM HIS FLASK BACK?
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO IF I DON'T?
BITE ME WITH
YOUR SNAGGLETOOTH?
NO...
BUT MAYBE THAT POLICEMAN
OVER THERE
MIGHT HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY.
HMM.
HMM.
AW, TAKE YOUR DUMB-ASS
CANTEEN, GOOFY.
AW, TAKE YOUR DUMB-ASS
CANTEEN, GOOFY.
AND YOU, GE YOUR RAGGEDY-ASS CLOTHES
AND FIND YOURSELF
ANOTHER CORNER
BEFORE I SHOW YOU
WHAT CRAZY REALLY IS.
FINE. I WILL.
BLEAH! [CLICKS TONGUE]
I'M A BUSINESSMAN.
I'LL BE SEEING YOU
IN A FEW YEARS.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[CLICKS TONGUE]
EXCUSE ME.
THAT WAS AMAZING.
I JUST WANTED
TO THANK YOU.
OH, THAT'S OK.
I GET MESSED WITH
ALL THE TIME.
WHEN I SAW HIM
DO THAT TO YOU,
I JUST LOST IT.
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TOURISTS.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M A TOURIST?
OH.
YOUR ACCENT, MAYBE.
WELL, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
THE SOUTH.
REALLY?
THE DEEP SOUTH.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[BOTH LAUGH]
HA HA!
WHY ARE WE LAUGHING?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I WAS ENJOYING IT.
YOUR GLASSES ARE PRETTY.
THEY MAKE YOUR EYES
LOOK BIG AND SPARKLY.
IT'S FUN
LOOKING AT THEM.
IT'S FUN
LOOKING AT THEM.
OH. MY DAD'S
AN OPTOMETRIST.
MY DAD'S IN HELL,
AND HE'S FALLING APART.
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT'S REALLY TOUGH
WHEN YOUR FOLKS GET OLDER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO
IF I COULDN'T SAVE HIM.
WELL, I'M SURE A NICE
SOUTHERN BOY LIKE YOU
WILL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
YOU WANT SOME POPEYE'S?
HA HA! NO.
I--I HAD MY LUNCH ALREADY.
OK.
BUT I WOULDN'T MIND
GETTING A GELATI.
COULD I COME WITH YOU
TO GETTING A GELATI?
IF YOU WANT TO.
[LAUGHS]
HERE YOU GO, PAL.
ENJOY.
MMM. THANK YOU.
IT'S FREEZING
MY HANDS.
EVEN WITH
THOSE GLOVES ON?
YEAH, IT'S COLD.
HERE, LET ME WRAP IT.
PLEASE. THANK YOU.
GELATI.
THAT'S BETTER. YEAH.
[MAN MUTTERING]
OOH!
WHY ARE YOU TAUNTING ME
WITH YOUR DARKNESS?
YOUR EVIL,
IT'S STINKING UP OUR STREETS!
THE END IS NEAR!
WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!
[CLANG]
[GASPS]
THIS TOWN IS REALLY
GOING TO HELL LATELY.
YEAH.
SO, WHAT PART OF TOWN
DO YOU LIVE IN?
I HAVE AN APARTMENT.
I'M NOT SURE WHERE.
MY DOG KNOWS, THOUGH.
YOU HAVE A DOG?
WHAT KIND?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'D ASK HIM,
BUT HE'S UPTOWN
MEETING HIS CONTACTS.
SAY "MR. BEEFY."
SAY IT. SAY IT.
MR. BEEFY.
AND...I LOVE YOU!
YOU GO TO SCHOOL?
WHAT'S THAT LIKE?
OH, I GO TO PARSONS
SCHOOL OF DESIGN.
I KNEW GROWING UP
I WASN'T MUCH TO LOOK AT,
SO I CONCENTRATED ON MAKING
THINGS THAT ARE PRETTY.
YOU HAVE A NICE SMELL
COMING OFF YOU.
[SNIFFS]
OH, THAT'S MY PERFUME.
IT'S CALLED
COMME DE SUD PACIFIC.
I THINK THAT'S FRENCH
FOR "COCONUTS."
I THINK THAT'S FRENCH
FOR "COCONUTS."
[SNIFFING]
[SNIFFING]
[GIGGLES]
THAT'S BETTER
THAN THE GELATI.
THAT'S BETTER
THAN THE GELATI.
VALERIE, IT FEELS LIKE
THERE'S A BUNCH
OF BUTTERFLIES
FLAPPING AROUND
IN MY STOMACH RIGHT NOW.
IS THAT NORMAL?
SOMETIMES, SURE.
GOOD, 'CAUSE
I WAS CONCERNED.
WHY DID THEY DO THIS TO ME?
I WAS GOOD TO THEM.
I CAN HARDLY NOTICE.
HONEST.
I CAN HARDLY NOTICE.
HONEST.
I SURE HOPE NICKY'S
KICKIN' SOME ASS ON EARTH
OR WE ARE DOOMED.
YOU KNOW, I WAS THE ONE
WHO CREATED HELL.
I KNOW THAT,
YOUR HATEFULNESS.
BUT, ACTUALLY, THE CREDI FOR STARTING HELL
BELONGS TO MY FIRST WIFE,
YOU KNOW.
SHE WAS THE INSPIRATION.
[LAUGHING]
HEY, CHEWBACCA,
TAKE IT EASY, WILL YOU?
IN FACT, YOU LOOK
LIKE MY FIRST WIFE.
ONLY SHE HAD MORE HAIR.
[HOWLING]
IN ANOTHER STARTLING
ANNOUNCEMENT FROM CITY HALL,
MAYOR RANDOLPH HAS,
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY,
LOWERED THE LEGAL
DRINKING AGE
FROM 21 TO 10.
???? SO YOU WANT TO BE
A ROCK SUPERSTAR ????
???? AND LIVE LARGE... ????
WHEN AN ADULT GOES TO HELL,
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
BLARRGH!
BUT WHEN A CHILD GOES...
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S WHY
I'M IN THIS BUSINESS.
[LAUGHING]
LITTLE NICKY.
Valerie: KNOW WHAT'S
NICE ABOUT YOU?
WHAT?
I LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE HAPPY
JUST BEING YOURSELF.
YOU DON'T TRY TO ACT COOL.
THANKS MUCH,
VALERIE.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
NICE ABOUT YOU?
[SCREECHING]
[STRUGGLING]
YOUR JUICY
HEART-SHAPED HEINIE.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW
WHY I SAID THAT.
I--I MEAN TO SAY THAT...
I'VE ALWAYS DREAM ABOUT HAVING SEX
WITH A GROSS PIG.
CAN I WASH MY WINKY
IN YOUR KITCHEN SINKY?
YOU'RE A REAL JERK!
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE.
WHAT THE--ADRIAN!
HA HA HA!
DAD NEEDS YOU
TO COME BACK TO HELL.
SO HE SENT OLD SHOVEL FACE
TO FETCH ME.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
HE'S IN TROUBLE.
SO ARE YOU.
HEY, VALERIE!
HEY, VALERIE!
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
I'M SORRY!
OOH!
ADRIAN, YOU GUYS
FROZE THE FIRE GATE
AND NOW DAD IS DYING,
SO GET YOUR BOOTY
BACK HOME OR ELSE!
YOU CAN'T TALK TOUGH,
NICKY.
EVEN THE VOICE INSIDE YOUR HEAD
HAS A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
ADRIAN,
YOU'RE GONNA GO BACK
BECAUSE I'M GONNA
MAKE YOU GO BACK.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
I'LL STAY HERE,
ENJOYING MY PIZZA AND
MY PEPPERMINT SCHNAPPS,
AND YOU GO BACK.
ADRIAN, DON'T!
CUT THE CRAP!
THIS IS SERIOUS!
CUT THE CRAP!
THIS IS SERIOUS!
AW, COME ON!
AW, COME ON!
OHH-HH!
SO I WAS DRIVING
TO WORK TODAY,
SOME BOZO IN A CADILLAC
CUTS ME OFF.
SO I FOLLOWED HIM.
WHEN HE GOT OUT OF HIS CAR,
I RUN UP BEHIND THIS GUY,
AND I START BASHING
HIS BRAINS IN WITH THIS BAT.
DID YOU EVER SEE
THE UNTOUCHABLES?
I WAS DE NIRO!
WHAT'S HAPPENED
TO YOU, REGIS?!
MM-HMM.
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE
TODAY, IN CONJUNCTION
WITH THE NEW YORK
BOARD OF TOURISM,
UNVEILED ITS NEW MOTTO
TO REPLACE
THE LONG-STANDING
"I LOVE NEW YORK" SLOGAN.
"I LOVE HOOKERS" WILL NOW BE
THE CITY'S CATCH PHRASE.
YOUR BROTHERS ARE
UPSETTING THE BALANCE
BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
YOU CAN'T DO JACK SHI
UNLESS YOU LEARN
YOUR EVIL POWERS.
GO GET A SODA
OUT OF THE FRIDGE.
BUT THOSE ARE
MY ROOMMATE'S SODAS.
"BUT THOSE ARE
MY ROOMMATE'S SODAS."
DOES THAT SOUND
LIKE A STATEMEN
THE SON OF THE DEVIL
WOULD MAKE?
ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY.
NICKY, YOU HAVE
THE POWER TO CHANGE
THE COLA IN THAT CAN
INTO ANY OTHER LIQUID.
ENGINE OIL, BAT'S BLOOD,
MOOSE PISS.
YOU JUST HAVE TO RELEASE
THE EVIL WITHIN.
RELEASE THE EVIL?
I'M JUST SAYING
THERE'S WICKEDNESS IN YOU.
I CAN TELL FROM YOUR SNORES.
REALLY?
RELEASE YOUR EVIL.
RELEASE YOUR EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT.
THERE IT IS.
YOU GOT IT IN YOU.
[BUBBLING]
[BUBBLING]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HEY!
OH! I-
OH! I-
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GOING TO PRETEND
I DIDN'T SEE A DOG
ON THE COUCH,
BECAUSE MY BRAIN JUST CAN' PROCESS THAT RIGHT NOW.
BUT WERE YOU ABOU TO DRINK ONE OF MY COKES?
NO. I WAS
JUST LOOKING AT IT.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
[OPENS CAN]
[SLURPS]
[GULPS]
THIS COKE TASTES
LIKE PEPSI.
THIS COKE TASTES
LIKE PEPSI.
YOU CHANGED A COKE
INTO A PEPSI?
THAT WAS YOUR
BIG TRANSFORMATION?
COME ON, MAN,
GIVE IT UP A LITTLE.
IT WAS PRETTY GOOD
FOR MY FIRST TRY.
DO YOU EVEN CARE
THAT YOUR BROTHERS
ARE KILLING YOUR FATHER?
YES, I CARE!
AND HE IS NO GOING TO DIE!
AND HE IS NO GOING TO DIE!
[GLASS EXPLODES]
ATTA-BOY.
I'M FREAKED OUT.
MY TELEVISION JUST BLEW UP.
YOU'RE DAMN RIGH IT DID!
I MEAN, REALLY?
I KNOW THIS IS
YOUR LIVING ROOM TIME,
BUT COULD I FINISH WATCHING
THE GLOBETROTTERS OUT HERE?
IT'S THE CRAZIEST GAME
I'VE EVER SEEN.
[WHISTLING THEME]
[WHISTLING THEME]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[HIGH VOICE] HE'S WALKING!
GET HIM A BUS!
THIS IS THE PAR I DON'T GET.
ANOTHER TERRIBLE CALL.
THERE'S NO WAY
THAT WAS TRAVELING.
WHAT'S UP WITH
ALL THE CALLS?
WE HAVEN'T LOS A GAME IN 53 YEARS!
GUESS WHAT, CORNROWS?
TECHNICAL FOUL!
YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!
HA HA HA HA!
[BOOING]
WHY'S THE REF BEING SO MEAN
TO THE GLOBETROTTERS, DADDY?
I'VE BEEN WATCHING
THESE GUYS PLAY
SINCE
I WAS YOUR AGE.
IT'S ALL PAR OF THE SHOW, BABY.
[CACKLES]
THAT GUY IN
THE STRIPED SHIR
SNAPPED HIS FINGERS
LIKE SOMEBODY I KNOW!
[CACKLING]
[CACKLING]
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
NORMALLY
THE GLOBETROTTERS
REPRESENT FAMILY
ENTERTAINMENT.
WHO GIVES A SHIT?
[SOBBING]
THESE KIDS CAME HERE TO SEE
THE GLOBETROTTERS WIN!
THE GLOBETROTTERS
ON ACCOUNT OF THE BIGMOUTH!
[CACKLES]
BOO!
BOO!
IT'S ALL PART OF
THE SHOW, BABY! HA HA!
HIT THE HALF-TIME BUZZER.
I'M TIRED.
IF THE SECOND HALF DOESN' GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS,
YOU CAN EXPEC A FULL-SCALE RIOT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS NOW TIME
FOR THE GLOBETROTTERS'
HALF-TIME
HALF-COURT HEAVE-HO THROW!
AND IF THE CONTESTAN MAKES IT,
EVERYONE HERE
WILL GET A FREE PIZZA PIE!
I AIN'T TAKIN' THE SHOT.
THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.
EXCUSE ME.
I'LL TAKE THAT SHOT.
OK.
WHAT MADE YOU WAN TO COME AND SEE
THE GLOBETROTTERS
TODAY, SON?
I CAME FOR THE BEER
AND THE BITCHES.
OHH.
LOOKS WHO'S BACK
FROM THE DEAD.
YEAH!
PLEASE WELCOME
MIGUEL SANCHEZ
FROM THE BRONX,
NEW YORK!
WHAT'S NICKY DOING THERE?
TRYING TO CAPTURE
HIS BROTHER IN A FLASK
AND PRESERVE THE BALANCE
OF GOOD AND EVIL ON EARTH.
DID YOU JUST TALK?
NO.
NO.
ARE YOU MIGUEL
FROM THE BRONX?
NO. I'M NICKY
FROM THE SOUTH.
HEY, GIMME THAT!
AAH!
YOU BETTER WIN
THESE PEOPLE SOME FREE PIZZA
'CAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
THEY'RE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER.
ALL RIGHT.
WHO'S THAT MAN, MOMMY?
WHO'S THAT MAN, MOMMY?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT HE SURE IS BUTT-UGLY.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
OH!
OH!
TOO MUCH EVIL.
I THINK
THAT BALL JUST BLEW UP,
AND, YES,
MY HAIR IS AFLAME.
I DON'T KNOW WHA THE HELL THAT WAS.
DON'T DO IT AGAIN, HUH?
ALL RIGHT.
I COMMAND YOU
NOT TO BLOW UP
AND GO INTO
THAT METAL CIRCLE.
AND GO INTO
THAT METAL CIRCLE.
UNH!
NYAH!
HEY!
GET THAT CRAP OUTTA HERE!
[SHOUTING]
I KNOW YOU'RE
HAVING FUN, CASSIUS,
BUT YOU REALLY GOTTA
COME BACK TO HELL.
LOOK AROUND YOU, NICKY.
WE'RE IN HELL.
THE NEW HELL.
HA HA HA!
THE NEW HELL.
HA HA HA!
DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
WHEE!
HA HA HA!
I WAS SENT HERE
TO TAKE YOU BACK
AND THAT'S WHA I'M GONNA DO.
DON'T MAKE ME TAKE OU THE SHOVEL AGAIN, TRICK.
I THINK WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
A DEVIL SHOWDOWN.
YEAH!
HA HA HA!
YOU KNOW, DAD GOT SICK
WHEN YOU GUYS LEFT.
I'M GLAD HE'S DYING...
'CAUSE IT'S MY TURN NOW.
'CAUSE IT'S MY TURN NOW.
YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU
NEVER SAID THAT.
YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU
NEVER SAID THAT.
TAKE HIM TO THE HOLE, NICKY.
I MEAN, WOOF WOOF.
I MEAN, WOOF WOOF.
COME ON, BROTHER, COME ON!
HA HA!
OH, COME ON!
OH, COME ON!
HA HA HA HA!
DADDY CAN'T HELP YOU!
DADDY CAN'T HELP YOU!
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
ENOUGH!
ENOUGH!
THIS SHOW GETS
BETTER EVERY YEAR!
HA HA HA!
THAT WAS SICK.
WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT SHIT?
SORRY, CASSIUS.
IT MUST BE THE SUPER
DEVIL JUICE DAD GAVE ME.
SUPER DEVIL JUICE?
GIMME THAT, LITTLE GIRL.
DON'T DRINK OUT OF IT,
PLEASE!
[SLURPS]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
NOW THAT WAS SOME STRAIGHT-UP
DAVID COPPERFIELD SHIT!
NOW THAT WAS SOME STRAIGHT-UP
DAVID COPPERFIELD SHIT!
Cassius: DAMN YOU, NICKY!
THERE AIN'T NO SUPER
DEVIL JUICE IN HERE!
HAIL, NICKY!
WE ARE FOREVER
YOUR SLAVES!
WE ARE FOREVER
YOUR SLAVES!
OH, NO, OH, NO
SO YOUR FATHER'S
THE DEVIL...
SI, SENOR.
YOU'RE A TALKING DOG
FROM HELL. YEP.
AND YOU GUYS ARE WHO?
JUST A COUPLE OF
BIG FANS OF NICKY
AND THE WORK
HIS DAD DOES.
HEY, BY THE WAY, NICKY,
CHECK THIS OUT.
[PLAYING RECORD BACKWARD]
WHAT'S OZZY TRYING
TO SAY THERE?
JOHN, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
THE BLIZZARD ALWAYS CAME
STRAIGHT WITH HIS MESSAGES.
BUT WRAP YOUR MINDS
AROUND THIS, GENTLEMEN.
Beefy: OH, NO.
HEH HEH HEH.
CHICAGO.
CHICAGO.
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW
I LOVE THIS SONG.
[PLAYS RECORD BACKWARD]
Record: I COMMAND YOU
IN THE NAME OF LUCIFER
TO SPREAD THE BLOOD
OF THE INNOCENT.
OH, MY GOD,
CHICAGO KICKS ASS!
HA HA HA!
THAT WAS AWESOME.
YOU KNOW, GUYS, THIS CAKE
TASTES A LITTLE FUNNY.
OH, I DUMPED A FAT SACK
OF REEFER IN THE MIX.
THOUGHT I'D SPICE UP
THE BASH.
WHAT'S REEFER?
REALLY?
ABOUT 500 BUCKS AN OUNCE.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
COME ON, NICKY,
ONE MORE TIME.
I CAN'T.
IT'S STARTING TO HURT.
COME ON,
YOU TOTALLY GOT TO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LAST TIME.
OHH, HERE HE GOES!
OHH, HERE HE GOES!
AHH!
THAT'S INSANE!
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
HA HA HA!
I USED TO GE MESSED UP LIKE THIS
WITH MY FIRS GIRLFRIEND HEATHER.
WE'D GET SO LOOPY,
SHE WOULD FORGE I WAS A DOG.
SHE WAS A HUMAN?
NO. SHE WAS A SEWER RAT.
HA HA HA!
MAN, THAT PISSED
MY PARENTS OFF.
YOU KNOW,
I WAS IN LOVE ONCE,
BUT SHE SAID I WASN' FINANCIALLY RELIABLE
AND SHE NEEDED THAT.
NOW, BY "SHE,"
DO YOU MEAN "HE"?
BUSTED!
NO.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
PLEASE.
HEY, HOW YOU FEELIN' OVER THERE,
SATAN ABDUL-JABBAR?
A LITTLE STRANGE.
I CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT THIS GIRL VALERIE.
WHY? DID SHE HURT YOU?
DO YOU NEED TO CRY
ON MY SHOULDER?
EASY, LIBERACE.
OH, WOULD YOU GROW UP?
LIBERACE.
I WAS HAVING
THE BEST DAY WITH HER
UNTIL ADRIAN
MADE ME TELL HER
SHE HAD
A HEART-SHAPED HEINIE.
MAYBE YOU LOVE HER.
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
I CAN'T EVEN
SEE STRAIGHT.
HA HA HA!
ME, TOO!
HEY, WE GOT TO GET GOING.
YOU GUYS CAN CRASH HERE
IF YOU WANT.
I HAVE AN EXTRA FUTON
IN THE BEDROOM.
THAT'S A BIG PASS,
ELTON JOHN.
[LAUGHTER]
OZZY STARTS IN 30 MINUTES.
MAYBE THAT'LL
CHEER YOU UP, NICKY.
YEAH, LET'S ROLL.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T THINK
I CAN GIVE THE OZZ MAN
THE FULL FOCUS HE DESERVES.
SORRY, FELLAS.
OH. THIS CHICK MUST BE
THE REAL DEAL, THEN.
LATER, BRO.
GOOD-BYE, JOHN.
OK, PETE.
YOU BETTER SNAP OU OF IT SOON, KID,
'CAUSE WE'RE GOING
AFTER ADRIAN TOMORROW
BRIGHT AND EARLY.
NIGHT-NIGHT.
YEAH, I KNOW. GET SOME
SLEEP THING, MR. BEEFY.
[SNORES]
[CHILDREN'S VOICES]
LA LA LA LA LA LA
[SNORES]
LA LA LA LA LA LA
THAT IS THE MOST HORRIFYING
THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.
MAMA, I'M COMING HOME ?
GO TO HER.
GO TO HER.
I'M COMING HOME
I'M COMING HOME
ALL RIGHT.
[SNIFFS]
I SMELL COCONUTS.
U?
I'VE WAITED HERE FOR YOU
COCONUTS.
EVERLONG
[SNIFFS]
TONIGH
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
I--I--I--I--I--I NEED--
I NEED YOU
OH. HELLO.
THAT DUDE
LOOKS LIKE A LADY.
YOU WANT TO COME IN?
ACTUALLY, I'M--I'M LOOKING
FOR A GIRL NAMED VALERIE.
VALERIE VERAN?
TWO FLOORS UP,
ONE WINDOW OVER.
THANKS MUCH.
GOOD LUCK WITH
THE NIPPLE RUBBING.
I DON'T NEED LUCK.
I'M GOOD.
OOH!
I--I CAN SEE THAT.
OOH!
I--I CAN SEE THAT.
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
AAH!
[GASPS]
OH, MY GOD!
NICKY, IS THAT YOU?
YES.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
I WILL.
I WILL.
HI.
AAH!
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING
COMING HERE?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT DIDN' INVOLVE GOING BLIND.
AAH!
OH, MY GOD! NICKY!
PLEASE DON'T DIE!
PLEASE DON'T DIE!
NICKY?
VALERIE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I--I THINK I'M FLOATING.
WHY WOULD YOU
BE FLOATING?
MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF
THIS CAKE I ATE EARLIER.
AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT BE
FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW?
BECAUSE I AM.
I'M FREAKED OUT, TOO.
THE BUTTERFLIES
IN MY STOMACH
ARE FLAPPING AROUND
IN A WAY
I'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE.
YOU GOT THE WRONG
WINDOW AGAIN, MAN.
OH, SORRY, NIPPLES.
VALERIE!
Valerie:
NICKY, OVER HERE.
I'M COMING.
OH, MY GOD,
YOU MADE IT.
VALERIE, I CAN SEE AGAIN,
AND YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
AAH!
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE FLOATING
DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING
TO FORGET ABOU
YOU GIVING ME THE FINGER.
THAT WASN'T ME.
I WAS BEING POSSESSED
BY MY BROTHER ADRIAN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
POSSESSED?
REMEMBER
WHEN I TOLD YOU
THAT MY FATHER
WAS IN HELL?
YES.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
HE'S THE DEVIL,
AND HE WANTS
TO KEEP HIS THRONE
FOR ANOTHER
AND THAT PISSED OFF
MY BROTHERS,
SO THEY BROKE
THE GATES OF HELL,
WHICH IS MAKING
MY FATHER...
THE DEVIL?
DECOMPOSE.
AND I LOVE MY FATHER
VERY MUCH,
SO I CAME TO EARTH
TO SAVE HIM.
SO I CAME TO EARTH
TO SAVE HIM.
NOW I GE THAT DEEP SOUTH JOKE.
YES!
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
I DON'T KNOW
IF I SHOULD BELIEVE YOU.
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE.
BELIEVE
IN THE BUTTERFLIES.
WAIT. OK. OK, OK,
I BELIEVE.
COME ON. COME BACK UP.
COME ON. COME BACK UP.
TAKE MY HAND, VALERIE.
TAKE MY HAND, VALERIE.
FLY WITH ME.
I CAN GIVE YOU
THE POWER.
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
YOU'RE THE PERFECT ONE
AND I DON'T...
THAT'S THE EMPIRE
STATE BUILDING.
THERE'S POPEYE'S
CHICKEN--RIGHT THERE.
[LAUGHS]
THE HELL BEAS IS ABOVE US,
AND I CAN SMELL
AN EVIL SLUT.
AND I CAN SMELL
AN EVIL SLUT.
WHOA, DEVIL!
DID YOU DO THAT?
NOBODY CALLS MY GIRL
AN EVIL SLUT.
[LAUGHS]
GOOD MORNING, NEW YORK.
THIS IS ANACTION NEWS
SPECIAL REPORT.
A SHOCKING CRIME
RESULTS IN A RECORD
$50 MILLION REWARD
FOR THE CAPTURE
OF THIS MAN.
HIS NAME IS UNKNOWN,
BUT HIS ACTIONS HAVE EARNED
HIM THE LABEL "THE MONSTER."
HE SHOULD BE CONSIDERED
ARMED AND
EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.
THE MAN WHO CAUSED
SUCH A SENSATION
AT THE GAME YESTERDAY
IS NO HERO.
HE IS, IN FACT,
A MASS MURDERER.
THIS IS REAL BAD.
Beefy: WHERE
THE HECK IS NICKY?
I HAVE AUTHORIZED
A REWARD
TO THE PERSON WHO BRINGS
THIS MAN TO ME.
Beefy:
IT'S A SETUP.
Beefy:
IT'S A SETUP.
GOOD MORNING,
YOUNG LADY.
GOOD MORNING,
YOUNG LADY.
AH, HO.
THAT LOOKS LIKE
IT TASTES GREAT.
[LAUGHS]
LOOK AT THAT.
MR. BEEFY
WOULD LIKE YOU.
OH, LOOK.
OH, LOOK.
WELL, I'M ON MY WAY
[SNIFFS]
TO THE CITY LIGHTS
[MAN SPEAKING KOREAN]
[MAN SPEAKING KOREAN]
WELCOME TO HARD TIMES
Girl: THERE HE IS!
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
SO WHEN I REALIZE
WHAT IT TAKES
CAN I RELATE
WITH WHATEVER
BUT NEVER WILL YOU
DRIVE ME TO HATE
BUT NEVER WILL YOU
DRIVE ME TO HATE
[YELLING]
[MAN SINGING
INDISTINCTLY]
[MAN SINGING
INDISTINCTLY]
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
AAH! AAH!
All: WHOA!
All: WHOA!
WAIT. WAIT.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
[PANTING]
[PANTING]
THERE HE IS!
[CROWD YELLING]
[CROWD YELLING]
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
[YELLING STOPS]
RELEASE THE EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
[YELLING]
HEY!
HEY!
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
OH.
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
BEEFY, I THINK
I'M IN TROUBLE.
THE SHIT HAS
HIT THE FAN, KID.
TAKE A LOOK.
THIS VIDEOTAPE
WILL SHOW WHAT HE DID
AFTER HE LEFT THE GAME.
AFTER HE LEFT THE GAME.
Nicky: SAY HELLO
TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.
Nicky: SAY HELLO
TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.
[SCREAMING]
MY NAME IS NICKY,
AND I'M GOING TO KILL ALL
YOU SUCKERS FOR NO REASON.
Nicky: THAT'S NOT ME.
THAT'S THAT COCKROACH
TONY MONTANA.
TONY MONTANA.
IT'S DIFFICUL TO WATCH, I KNOW.
THIS IS ADRIAN'S WORK.
Beefy: HE SUPERIMPOSED
YOUR HEAD
ONTOSCARFACE.
WHICH IS PROBABLY DePALMA'S
THIRD BEST FILM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HEY!
OH.
I'M NOT NICKY.
Pete: DUDE, IT'S US.
LET US IN.
Nicky: JOHN, PETE.
NICKY.
THERE'S, LIKE, A TOTAL MOB
SCENE COMING THIS WAY.
IT LOOKS LIKE
THEY'RE FOLLOWING
A GIANT TRAIL
OF BUG SHIT.
WHAT DO WE DO
NOW, BEEFY?
I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS A LITTLE
OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
WHAT WOULD
YOUR DAD DO, NICKY?
THAT'S
A GREAT IDEA.
I'LL ASK HIM.
KILL ME.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YES. WE'LL MEET AT GRAND
CENTRAL STATION, NOON.
NOW I COMMAND YOU--
DO ME.
ALL RIGHT!
AAH!
OW!
OW!
THAT JUST HURT A LOT.
STILL ALIVE, THOUGH.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO KILL SOMEONE.
CAN I GIVE IT A TRY?
[SOBBING]
[SOBBING]
DAMN YOU, KEVIN SPACEY!
YOU TAKE ALL MY PARTS!
YOU TAKE ALL MY PARTS!
HEY, YOU LOSE--
ROYAL FLUSH.
OFF WITH THE BRASSIERE.
WHOO. THE LAST TIME I SAW
A PAIR OF JUGS THAT BIG,
WERE BLOWING ON THEM.
AH HA HA HA HA!
AH HA HA HA HA!
Satan: EEE...
EEE...
OH, MY GOD, DAD.
NICKY...
I GOT NO LEGS.
I GOT NO HIPS.
I GOT ONE EAR.
I GOT NO EARS.
NOW HE HASNOEARS.
ARE YOU HAPPY, NICKY?
ADRIAN'S GOT THE WHOLE CITY
FOLLOWING ME.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU, NICKY!
CHECK ONE, TWO.
CHECK ONE, TWO.
PUT IT BACK ON MY HEAD!
HEY, YOU GO UNTIL MIDNIGHT TONIGHT.
NOW YOU GET YOUR ASS
BACK UP THERE,
AND YOU SAVE
YOUR FATHER. GO!
I'M GOING
TO SAVE YOU, DAD.
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
I'M GOING TO SAVE YOU!
GO, THEN!
OHH! MOVE IT!
OHH!
GO, NICKY, GO!
SURE YOU'RE
DOWN WITH THIS?
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
WANT TO PUKE.
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
WANT TO PUKE.
HEY, HEY, FUZZ.
WE KNOW WHERE
TO FIND NICKY.
HEY!
HEY, HEY!
[POLICE TALKING]
[GRUNTING]
Officer: LET'S GO.
HEY.
WHAT'S UP,
POLICE CHIEF?
YOU HAVE WHAT I WANT.
YOU GOT WHAT WE WANT?
Pete: 50 MILLION
BONES, BRO.
Officer: HERE'S
THE MONEY.
WHOA, MY GOD!
Chief: THAT'S HALF OF IT.
YOU GET THE RES WHEN I GET NICKY.
THANKS MUCH.
BUT I GOTTA
WARN YOU, MAN.
HE'S KINDA
NOT HUMAN.
REALLY?
HE MIGHT BE
THE SON OF SATAN.
HE MIGHT BE
THE SON OF SATAN.
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HEH HEH HEH.
HA HA HA!
HEY!
HEY!
WELL, I GUESS I'M GONNA
HAVE TO BE EXTRA CAREFUL,
THEN, AREN'T I?
[CHOKING]
[GROANING]
NOW, WHERE IS HE?
HEY, COME ON,
THAT WAS COOL!
DO IT AGAIN!
DO IT AGAIN!
OUT OF THE WAY!
OUT OF THE WAY!
UHH.
Todd: WHERE IS HE?
HE'S LATE.
HE'LL BE HERE.
JUST KEEP YOUR SKIRT ON.
Pete: THAT'S
WHERE HE COMES OUT OF.
Cop: OVER THERE!
HEY!
Cop: OVER THERE!
HEY!
WE'VE BEEN
RATTED OUT.
WE THOUGH THE SON OF SATAN
WOULD UNDERSTAND
A MOVE LIKE THIS.
Chief: GET THESE TWO
OUT OF HERE.
ALL RIGHT, THIS WAY.
OK, OK!
WHAT IS THIS? A BULLDOG
AND HIS GAY LOVER?
OH, SHUT UP.
[JOHN LAUGHS]
Pete: IT'S TRUE.
JUDAS.
JUDAS PRIEST, MAYBE.
OK, LOOK.
I'M ONLY AN ACTOR.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.
TAKE HIM
TO THE HOLDING AREA.
SEAL OFF
ALL THE EXITS.
Todd: I'M ONLY AN ACTOR!
WHOA. HEH HEH HEH.
YOU WANT TO SEE
SOMETHING COOL?
DEFINITELY.
YEAH.
DEFINITELY.
YEAH.
[AHEM]
[AHEM]
[GROANS]
WHOA.
WHOA.
HO HO HO HO.
PICK ME A WINNER.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
Pete: OH, SICK!
OH, MY GOD,
THAT WAS AWESOME!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
SO, WHAT TIME'S MY
BROTHER EXPECTED BACK?
NOON.
NOON.
ISH.
HEY, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE
NOT REALLY THE CHIEF,
WE STILL GET THE RES OF THE CASH, RIGHT, BRO?
YOU KNOW WHA YOU'LL GET, BOYS?
AN INDESCRIBABLY
HORRIFIC TORTURE
ADMINISTERED BY DEMONS
FOR THE RES OF ETERNITY.
AND WE GET TO KEEP
THE CASH, TOO, RIGHT?
SURE.
WHY NOT.
YOU'RE HURTING ME.
YOU'RE HURTING ME.
SHUT UP.
SHUT UP.
Bum: APPLESAUCE EVERY TIME.
HEY, BOYS!
YOU WANT A BLIZZARD
WITH MY FLIP-FLOP?
NO THANKS,
BUT WE'LL TAKE THA BOTTLE OF BOOZE.
HEH HEH HEH.
BEAT IT, YOU FREAK.
GET OUTTA HERE.
I'LL BE BACK
WITH MY FLIP-FLOP!
I'LL BE BACK
WITH MY FLIP-FLOP!
MMM.
SCHNAPPS.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH.
PEPPERMINT?
HEH HEH HEH.
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT!
John: WANT A HIT?
John: WANT A HIT?
DRINK UP. HERE'S
TO 50 MILLION CLAMS.
TO THE DEFILEMEN OF EARTH
AND THE CORRUPTION
OF ITS PEOPLE.
OK, WHATEVER.
JUST DRINK IT.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
[GULPS]
[GULPS]
Adrian: IT'S AWFULLY HO DOWN HERE.
HOW DO YOU MANAGE
TO STAY SO COOL?
OH, UH...
BEER LOWERS
THE BODY TEMPERATURE.
I READ THAT IN A...
A BEER MAGAZINE.
HEH HEH HEH.
AH. THIS LIQUID WILL
PROBABLY QUENCH MY THIRST.
AH. THIS LIQUID WILL
PROBABLY QUENCH MY THIRST.
COOL ME OFF.
DEFINITELY.
John: IT GIVE YOU
A PRETTY GOOD BUZZ.
John: IT GIVE YOU
A PRETTY GOOD BUZZ.
OR MAYBE IT WILL
TRAP ME INSIDE
FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.
UM...NO, IT WON'T?
OH, NICKY.
I'VE MISSED YOU.
COME OU AND SAY HELLO!
I'M NOT NICKY.
I'M CALLING YOU OUT,
BROTHER!
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
[DEEP VOICE] ADRIAN,
THIS IS VERY PAINFUL.
[GROANING]
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
AHH.
THERE YOU ARE.
I TOLD YOU HE WAS SICK.
OH, HELLO, CASSIUS.
Cassius: ALL RIGHT,
ADRIAN! LET ME OUT!
YOU KNOW, NEW HELL
REALLY ONLY NEEDS
ONE NEW SATAN.
YOU MOTHER FU-
BUT CASSIUS COULD
USE SOME COMPANY
FOR THE RES OF ETERNITY.
FOR THE RES OF ETERNITY.
SO GET IN THE FLASK.
KICK HIS ASS, NICKY.
SLEEP.
YOU GOT IT.
[SNORING]
[SNORING]
[WHINING]
Officer:
HEY, HOLD UP.
SOMEONE'S GOTTA
TAKE A PEE.
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
Cop: THAT DOG'S
GOT SMOKE BALLS!
Cop: THAT DOG'S
GOT SMOKE BALLS!
RUN, BEEFY!
RUN!
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DRINK,
ADRIAN.
OF COURSE I CAN.
OF COURSE I CAN.
[GASPS]
AAAAH!
AAAAH!
OH, IT'S NICKY'S
LITTLE RAGAMUFFIN.
DRINK OR SHE DIES.
UNLIKE YOU,
SHE WON'T COME BACK
FROM WHERE SHE'S GOING.
[PANTING]
LET GO OF HER!
THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME!
[TRAIN APPROACHES]
I HEAR A TRAIN A-COMIN'!
I HEAR A TRAIN A-COMIN'!
ADRIAN, STOP!
DRINK!
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DRINK.
DON'T HURT HER.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DRINK.
DON'T HURT HER.
DON'T DO IT, NICKY!
I HAVE TO, VALERIE.
I HAVE TO, VALERIE.
[VALERIE STRUGGLES]
[PANTING]
[PANTING]
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
AAAAH!
NOW, THAT HUR THE BOTH OF US.
[GROWLS]
AAH! NO!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
VALERIE!
VALERIE!
AAAH!
AAAH!
SEE YOU IN HELL!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
HEY, LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.
YOU CAN GO FOR A SWIM.
HEY.
YOU CAN PLAY THE HARMONICA,
AND YOU CAN CHOKE SOMEONE.
TAKE ME TO MY ROOM.
I WANT TO BE ALONE!
IN YOUR WEAKENED CONDITION,
IF YOU VACATE THE THRONE,
ANY OF YOUR SONS
CAN CLAIM THE SEAT OF POWER
FOR THEIR OWN.
[GROANS] HORSESHIT.
HEY, GOOD NEWS.
ADRIAN'S BACK.
SO I'M GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?
SO I'M GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?
HELLO.
WHERE'S NICKY?
HE CAME WITH YOU
AND CASSIUS, RIGHT?
I CAME THROUGH
THAT GATE ALONE.
SORRY, SIR.
FALSE ALARM.
BOO.
WOULD EVERYONE STOP
PLAYING WITH ME
AND TELL ME WHA MY BROTHER'S UP TO?
AND TELL ME WHA MY BROTHER'S UP TO?
HEY.
HEY.
HEY.
HEY.
I FEEL LIKE A NEWBORN ?
I FEEL LIKE A NEWBORN ?
AND I FEEL LIKE
A NEWBORN
IS IT DAD'S BIRTHDAY?
SO REAL
SO REAL
[GASPS]
THERE HE IS.
HI! OH, I CAN' BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE!
[GASPS] WELCOME.
UP WITH THE SIGN.
UP WITH THE SIGN.
CAN I JUST TELL YOU
I AMSOEXCITED RIGHT NOW.
SO EXCITED!
SHE REALLY IS.
IF YOU COULD POINT ME
TO THE BLACK PALACE NOW,
I REALLY GOTTA
CHECK IN WITH MY DAD.
OH!
HA HA HA.
HA HA HA.
OK. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT YOUR MOM?
MY MOM.
MY BROTHERS TELL ME THA SHE WAS A MOUNTAIN GOAT,
WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN
MY CHRONIC HALITOSIS.
A MOUNTAIN GOAT?
THAT'S REALLY SWEET.
JENNA, CHAIR.
JENNA, CHAIR.
THANKS.
THANKS.
MY MOTHER WASN'T A GOAT?
TRY AN ANGEL.
AN ANGEL?
AN ANGEL?
I'M YOUR MOM.
I'M YOUR MOM.
IF YOU'RE MY MOM,
THEN HOW COME
YOU'RE NOT OLDER?
ANGELS DON'T GE ANY OLDER, SON.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
JUST CALLED HIM "SON."
[GASPS] THIS IS SO WILD!
[GIGGLING AND SCREAMING]
[GIGGLING AND SCREAMING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
JENNA, CHRISTA.
TIME FOR
YOUR MAMBO LESSON.
CHUBBS, I'M SO SORRY.
I TOTALLY SPACED.
I HAVE COMPANY.
THIS IS MY SON NICKY.
HI.
HI.
CHUBBS USED TO BE
A GOLF PRO,
BUT UP HERE HE'S JUS THE DOPEST DANCE INSTRUCTOR.
AH, THAT'S NICE.
YOU MAMBO?
I DON' THINK SO.
IT'S ALL IN THE HIPS.
IT'S ALL IN THE HIPS.
BYE, CHUBBS.
ALL IN THE HIPS, YEAH!
NOBODY IN THIS ROOM WILL
TELL YOU A THING, ADRIAN.
RIGHT!
OH, OH!
HEY, LET HIM GO!
HEY, LET HIM GO!
PERHAPS A TITTY-TWISTER
WILL LOOSEN YOUR LIPS.
NO, NO.
AAAAH!
OOH, HEY,
I'M GETTIN' TURNED ON.
OK, OK! ALL I KNOW...
YES?
THAT IF YOU
SIT ON THAT THRONE
IN YOUR FATHER'S
WEAKENED CONDITION-
TIT-HEAD, NO!
YOU CAN CLAIM
THE SEAT OF POWER
FOR YOUR OWN.
WHOA! AAAH!
FOR YOUR OWN.
WHOA! AAAH!
REALLY?
AS THE FOUNDER OF HELL,
I COMMAND YOU
TO STAY OFF THAT THRONE!
HEY!
EVEN IN HELL
I GET NO RESPECT.
PUT ME DOWN.
PUT ME DOWN!
NO!
NO!
OHH!
OHH!
KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKE ??
NOW WHO'S THE LIGH AND WHO IS THE DEVIL
YOU CAN'T DECIDE,
SO I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE
I'M GONNA BE THE ONE
THAT'S TAKIN' OVER
NOW THIS IS WHAT IT'S L
IKE WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE
UNTIL YOU'RE
BACK HERE, BABY
[GIGGLING]
SO WHERE DID YOU
MEET DAD?
OH, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO
AT THIS HEAVEN-HELL MIXER.
I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT.
YOU HAD, LIKE,
AT FIRST I DIDN' REALLY LIKE HIM.
HE WAS REALLY
CONCEITED.
YEAH, BUT HE WAS FUNNY.
AND I HATE TO ADMIT IT,
BUT HE HAD A REALLY HOT BODY.
[GIGGLING]
[DOG BARKING]
OH, PUPPY PHONE.
IT'S SO CUTE.
HELLO?
HI, MICHELLE.
YEAH, HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S HOT.
HE'S MY SON, YOU PERV.
CAN I CALL YOU BACK?
[BARK]
THAT WAS MY FRIEND
MICHELLE.
SHE SAYS HI.
SAY HI BACK.
[BARK]
I'LL JUST CALL HER LATER.
YOU KNOW, NICKY,
WE TOTALLY SAW YOU SAVE
YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S LIFE.
THAT WASSOCOOL.
YEAH, THAT'S WHY YOU CAME
TO HEAVEN INSTEAD OF HELL.
SELF-SACRIFICE
AUTOMATICALLY GETS YOU HERE.
HOW DID YOU SEE ME?
WE CAN SEE ANYTHING THAT'S
GOING ON ON EARTH. LOOK.
WE CAN SEE ANYTHING THAT'S
GOING ON ON EARTH. LOOK.
SOMEONE ELSE IS TAKING
THE INTERNSHIP.
OH, THAT'SFELICITY.
I LOVE THAT SHOW.
DO YOU WATCH?
I HAVEN'T SEEN IT,
BUT I HEAR GOOD THINGS.
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO COLORADO.
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO COLORADO.
THIS IS ANACTION NEWS
SPECIAL REPORT.
MOMENTS AGO, A LARGE CHUNK
OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE HELL
BEGAN TO RISE
FROM BENEATH CENTRAL PARK.
FAR FROM BEING TERRIFIED,
MANY NEW YORKERS HAVE BEGUN
FLOCKING TO THE SITE,
TURNING IT INTO
AN UNOFFICIAL PARTY CENTRAL.
AND THIS JUST IN...
I'M CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND
WITH THE WEATHERMAN.
I'M CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND
WITH THE WEATHERMAN.
SHOW HIM CENTRAL PARK.
I LOVE YOUR LEGS.
I LOVE YOUR LEGS.
[CHEERING AND YELLING]
[CHEERING AND YELLING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
Adrian: YEAH!
HA HA HA HA!
Nicky: THAT'S
MY FATHER'S THRONE!
IS DAD OK?
LET'S SEE.
I WAS A GOOD DEVIL,
WASN'T I?
YOU WERE
THE BEST DEVIL, SIR!
THE BEST DEVIL!
IF WE FALL IN THERE,
WE WILL DIE. PERIOD.
MY UNDERWEAR IS SO FAR
UP MY ASS I COULD TASTE IT.
I HEAR THAT.
[MOANING]
Adrian:
WELCOME TO THE PARTY!
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
IT'S SO NICE
TO SEE YOU ALL HERE.
[GROANS]
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
YOU'VE TAKEN TO SIN
WITH SUCH MINIMAL PROMPTING.
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
YOU'RE ACTING AS IF
THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL.
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
THERE IS MOST DEFINITELY
A HELL.
Everybody: WHAT?
AND YOU'RE ALL GOING
TO GO THERE WHEN YOU DIE.
WHICH IS IN ABOUT...
HOLY SHIT,
WE REALLY ARE GONNA DIE!
[SCREAMING AND YELLING]
[SCREAMING AND YELLING]
AAAH!
I'M REALLY BURNING NOW!
WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO?
I GOTTA HELP HER.
I GOTTA HELP DAD.
I GOTTA HELP EVERYBODY.
AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT,
MY FATHER WILL BE
COMPLETELY DETERIORATED,
AND ALL YOUR SOULS
WILL BE MINE.
SOON YOU WILL SEE THINGS
MORE HORRIBLE
THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE
MORE HORRIBLE
THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE
I-I-I-I-I ?
WELL, MAYBE NO THAT HORRIBLE,
BUT STILL PRETTY BAD.
[MOANING]
SO, WHILE WE WAIT,
FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT,
I BRING YOU
A DEAR, SWEET MAN-
MR. HENRY WINKLER.
[CROWD CHEERS]
GOOD EVENING.
COVERED IN BEES!
[BUZZING]
AAAAH!
EEW!
HOW CAN I WIN?
ADRIAN IS STRONGER
AND SMARTER THAN ME.
STRONGER, YES.
SMARTER...DEFINITELY.
BUT YOU HAVE SOMETHING
THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE.
A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT?
NO!
THE INNER LIGHT, HONEY.
AND YOU CAN TOTALLY USE IT.
IT'S THE BEST POWER OF ALL.
I DO?
AND GOD TOLD ME
IF YOU GE IN REALLY BAD TROUBLE,
YOU CAN USE THIS.
WHAT IS IT?
OK, I'M NO TOTALLY 100% ON THAT,
BUT GOD SAID
WHEN THE TIME CAME,
YOU'D KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
GOD'S SO SMART.
LIKEJEOPARDY! SMART.
[SIGHS]
MMM.
MMM.
MY LITTLE BOY.
MOMMY...
GET ME
TO THE BIG APPLE,
'CAUSE I'M GONNA
ROCK THAT TOWN
LIKE A HURRICANE.
YOU'RE ALREADY THERE.
BYE, NICKY.
BYE, MOM.
BYE.
BYE, GUYS.
BYE.
BYE, GUYS.
BYE.
Demons: NICKY!
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
[YELLS ORDERS]
RELEASE THE GOOD.
RELEASE THE GOOD.
AHHH.
[DEMONS YELLING]
RELEASE THE GOOD.
RELEASE THE GOOD.
YES, THEY'RE FURRY.
Demons: BUNNY, BUNNY,
BUNNY, BUNNY.
RELEASE THE AWESOME.
RELEASE THE AWESOME.
Nicky: WHAT YOU DO IS
PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH
AND LET THE MEAT SLIDE
DOWN YOUR THROAT HOLE.
AND LET THE MEAT SLIDE
DOWN YOUR THROAT HOLE.
NOT YOU, NOT YOU!
NOT YOU, NOT YOU!
POPEYE'S CHICKEN
IS THE SHIZZNEY!
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
HERE I AM
ROCK YOU
LIKE A HURRICANE
ROCK YOU
LIKE A HURRICANE
HERE I AM
[ADRIAN LAUGHING]
[ADRIAN LAUGHING]
YOU KNOW,
FROM THIS ANGLE,
YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.
YOU THINK SO?
YOU THINK SO?
OH, MY GOD.
HE JUST OPENED
HIS MOUTH
AND SWALLOWED
THAT SPIT.
OH, THAT TURN YOU ON
THERE, RuPAUL? HEH HEH.
[JOHN AND PETE LAUGHING]
[SNIFFING]
[FLAPPING]
[FLAPPING]
[BLOWS]
Nicky: EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
Nicky: EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
LITTLE NICKY.
YEAH, NICKY!
NICKY!
I KNEW YOU
WOULD MAKE IT!
Nicky: ADRIAN...
I'M ASKING YOU NICELY.
LET MY FRIENDS ALONE,
AND GET IN THE FLASK.
IS THIS A JOKE?
NO, IT'S
THE INNER LIGHT,
AND WITH IT, WE CAN
DEFEAT WHATEVER YOU GOT.
IT'S TRUE!
IT'S TRUE!
AAH!
AAH!
IT'S NOT TRUE!
IT'S NOT TRUE!
[CLUCK CLUCK]
Adrian: RUN, TRAITORS, RUN!
OK, ADRIAN.
YOU'VE LEFT ME
NO CHOICE.
YOU'VE LEFT ME
NO CHOICE.
WHOA!
WHOA!
[CHEERING]
Adrian: AH, TH-TH-TH-TH.
Adrian: AH, TH-TH-TH-TH.
LEAVE THIS TO ME.
LEAVE THIS TO ME.
LET'S SEE
WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
OK.
OK.
Crowd: WHOA.
Crowd: WHOA.
[HISS]
[CROWD GROANS]
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA HA HA.
Crowd: OOOH.
Crowd: OOOH.
[MOWER BUZZES]
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
[COOS]
AW.
AW.
AAH HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA HA HA.
AAAH!
HEY.
HEY.
Crowd: AHH.
Crowd: AHH.
ENOUGH!
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU
WITH MY BARE HANDS.
I'M READY FOR YOU.
I'M READY FOR YOU.
I GUESS I WASN'T READY.
I GUESS I WASN'T READY.
[VIBRATED YELLING]
[VIBRATED YELLING]
AAAH!
AAAH!
I TOTALLY HAD TO DO THAT.
YAY!
HELL, YEAH, YOU DID.
GREAT JOB!
THAT'S GREAT!
THANKS, MOM!
EE-YAH!
AAH!
AAH!
UNH!
NOW, I'M GONNA
ASK YOU NICELY.
GET IN THE FLA-
OHH!
OH, YOU WAN A PILLOW FIGHT, DO YOU?
WELL, LET'S LE THE FEATHERS FLY.
WELL, LET'S LE THE FEATHERS FLY.
COME ON, NOW.
COME ON, NOW.
COME ON.
COME ON.
I'M RIGHT HERE.
WHERE AM I GOING
WITH IT, BABY?
HERE I AM.
[MUTTERING]
[MUTTERING]
[GRUNTS]
I'M SLEEPING.
[SNORING]
OR AM I?
OR AM I?
[CHEERING]
THANKS, MR. WINKLER.
NOW, I'M ASKING YOU
ONE LAST TIME.
GET IN THE FLASK.
A LITTLE HELP HERE,
PLEASE.
A LITTLE HELP HERE,
PLEASE.
UNH, PLEASE!
DON'T DO THIS! NO!
DON'T DO THIS! NO!
[WHINING]
[WHINING]
GOOD-BYE, NICKY.
AHHH.
AHHH.
AAAH!
AAAH!
NO! WHOA!
OW!
Cassius:
NICE TO SEE YOU, BROTHERS.
NOW I'M GONNA BUST BOTH
OF YOUR HEADS WIDE OPEN!
Adrian: NO, NO!
[GRUNTING AND HITTING]
[ADRIAN GROANING]
[SMACKING AND GRUNTING]
COME ON!
GET 'EM, NICKY!
FIGHT 'EM, NICK!
YOU CAN DO IT, NICKY!
[GROANING]
KICK HIM
IN HIS HAIRY BALLS!
Nicky: GOOD IDEA.
[GROANING]
[CHEERING]
Nicky: ONE DOWN,
ONE TO GO, ADRIAN.
Adrian:
YOU'VE ASKED FOR THIS.
TIME FOR THE SHOVEL!
Nicky: BRING IT ON!
[GRUNTING]
KILL HIM, ADRIAN!
SHUT UP!
GET HIM, NICKY!
Adrian: LET GO OF ME!
Adrian: LET GO OF ME!
[PRAYING]
[PRAYING]
Nicky: AAAH.
[GRUNTING]
Valerie: NICKY!
Valerie: NICKY!
YAY!
YAY!
[CHEERING]
OH, YEAH!
WOO-HOO!
NICKY!
NICKY!
HOW DID A NICE
SOUTHERN BOY LIKE YOU
LEARN TO FIGH LIKE THAT?
I GUESS FROM MY FATHER'S
SIDE OF THE FAMILY.
[GIGGLING]
[GIGGLING]
Crowd: AWW.
Crowd: AWW.
[RESISTING] MMMM!
UH-OH.
[ADRIAN'S VOICE]
WHAT? NO TONGUE?
[VALERIE SCREAMS]
[VALERIE SCREAMS]
[SQUEAKING]
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!
Pete: THAT IS WICKED!
HA HA HA HA!
WHOO!
WHOO!
HA HA HA! NOT LONG NOW!
[CROWD GROANS]
[GASPS] WHOO.
YOU GOTTA FLY OUT.
SOON IT WILL ALL BE MINE!
NICKY! I KNOW
YOU CAN DO IT.
RUN, RUN!
DO IT FOR
THE BUTTERFLIES.
Nicky: BUTTERFLIES?
Nicky: BUTTERFLIES?
OH, THE POWER OF GOOD
LETS YOU FLY OUT.
WELL, YOU'RE
TOO LATE, NICKY!
WELL, YOU'RE
TOO LATE, NICKY!
BEHOLD YOUR NEW SATAN!
BEHOLD YOUR NEW SATAN!
WHAT--WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S WITH THE BALL?
WHAT--WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S WITH THE BALL?
HA HA HA HA HA!
OZZY?
HOLY SHIT.
HOLY SHIT.
NOT--NO, NO, NO, NO!
YOU CAN DO IT, OZZY!
BITE HIS FRICKIN' HEAD OFF!
NO!
NO!
SPIT HIM
IN THE FLASK!
Valerie:
HERE YOU GO, OZZY.
AAAH!
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
GRAND CENTRAL, NICKY!
Todd: START RUNNING.
NEVER MAKE IT.
YOU'VE GOTTA DIE.
I'LL JUST GO TO HEAVEN.
NOT IF YOU DO SOMETHING BAD
RIGHT BEFORE YOU DIE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
HEY, NICKY!
COVER WINKLER IN BEES!
YOU CAN DO IT!
YOU CAN DO IT!
SORRY, HENRY.
AAAH!
[BUZZING]
OK, DO ME!
WITH WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
HERE. KILL HIM
WITH THIS.
HA HA HA!
I'LL NEVER
FORGET YOU, GUYS.
AND WE WILL NEVER
FORGET YOU, MY FRIEND.
[SOBBING]
[SOBBING]
VALERIE?
[GRUNTS]
[WHISPERING]
I love you.
And I love you, Nicky.
And I love you, Nicky.
I GOT THEM, DAD!
I DID IT!
I DID IT, DADDY!
[MOANING]
[MOANING]
UNHOLINESS,
YOU'RE BACK!
WOO-HOO! HA HA!
YOU LOOK GREAT!
IT'S ALL
IN THE HIPS, HEY
IT'S ALL IN THE HIPS
HA HA HA!
Nicky: DAD! DAD!
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!
YOU CAME THROUGH,
NICKY.
I CAME THROUGH
FOR YOU, DAD,
AND I CAME
THROUGH FOR MOM
AND THE BUTTERFLIES.
YOU'RE BACK
IN HELL NOW, KID.
THERE ARE
NO BUTTERFLIES HERE.
IF YOU WANT BUTTERFLIES,
YOU NEED TO BE ON EARTH.
WHAT ABOUT YOU
AND GRANDPA
AND EVERYBODY
IN HELL?
NICKY...
I LET MY BUTTERFLIES DIE
ONCE UPON A TIME,
AND IT'S NEVER
STOPPED HURTING.
AND IT'S NEVER
STOPPED HURTING.
THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU HEARD ME, HOLLY.
WHAT?
I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!
OH, MY GOD,
HE'S TALKING ABOUT ME.
AND DON'T THINK I FORGO ABOUT HOWCRAZYYOU GE
AFTER A FEW DAIQUIRIS.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
[SIGHS]
THAT GUY IS STILL
THE BIGGEST HORNDOG.
YEAH, HE IS.
YEAH, HE IS.
LISTEN, I GOT DOWN LOW.
YOUR MOM'S GOT UP HIGH.
YOU TAKE CARE OF THE MIDDLE.
OK, DAD.
BUT...
IN THE WORDS
OF MOTLEY CRUE,
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE
MY HOME SWEET HOME.
DON'T BE AFRAID
TO SHOW YOUR FACE.
YOU'RE SUCH A HANDSOME BOY.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
I HATE TO INTERRUPT,
BUT, UH, HA HA,
IT'S TIME FOR
HITLER'S PUNISHMENT.
Lucifer: HO HO,
I'LL TAKE THAT.
Adrian: MAYBE THEY'RE
GONNA LET US OUT.
GRANDPA!
OK, KIDS.
ENJOY YOUR NEW HOME!
Cassius and Adrian:
NO, NO, NO, NO!
[FARTS AND SCREAMS]
HOLY SHNIT! OHH!
HOLY SHNIT! OHH!
[GIGGLING]
[GIGGLING]
LIVIN' EASY
SUCH A LITTLE ANGEL.
SUCH A LITTLE ANGEL.
ONLY A QUARTER, MA'AM.
ONLY A QUARTER, MA'AM.
TICKLE, TICKLE, TICKLE.
TICKLE, TICKLE, TICKLE.
AAAH!
Nicky: SORRY.
TAKIN' EVERYTHING
IN MY STRIDE
DON'T NEED REASON
DON'T NEED RHYME
AIN'T NOTHIN'
I'D RATHER DO
GOIN' DOWN
PARTY TIME
MY FRIENDS
ARE GONNA BE THERE, TOO
MY FRIENDS
ARE GONNA BE THERE, TOO
I'M ON A HIGHWAY TO HEL
L
ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
HIGHWAY TO HELL?
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
NO STOP SIGNS
SPEED LIMI
NOBODY'S GONNA
SLOW ME DOWN
LIKE A WHEEL
GONNA SPIN I
NOBODY'S GONNA
MESS ME 'ROUND
HEY, SATAN
PAID MY DUES
PLAYIN' IN A ROCKIN' BAND ?
HEY, MAMA
LOOK AT ME
I'M ON MY WAY
TO THE PROMISED LAND
WHOA
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
HIGHWAY TO HELL?
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
HIGHWAY TO HELL?
MMM
MMM
HEY, HEY
HEY, HEY
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL
OF HARD KNOCKS
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK ?
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK ?
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS ?
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCK
GRADUATED 13, THE STREE
TS MADE ME A SCHOLAR
IN FRONT OF THE MICROPHONE,
ONE BY ONE, HEAR 'EM HOLLER
THE SURE SHOT THAT ROCKS
WHY, BLASTIN' BEATBOX
ON MY SIDEWALK
BE HIP-HOPALONG CASSIDY
GRAPHIC CATASTROPHE,
BUT ONLY TIME WILL TELL
COULD WE EXCEL,
ROCK HELL LIKE LL
MADE ME FEEL I WAS ILL,
MUSIC EUPHORIA
WENT TO THE DOC, THE D. O. C.
GAVE ME THE FORMULA
HEY, YOUNG WORLD,
THE WORLD IS YOURS
TURN THE WHOLE WIDE WOR
LD INTO METAPHORS
YOU KEPT THE STRENGTH
WHEN TIMES GOT HARD
SO LET ME REMINISCE
OVER YOU, MY GOD
SO LET ME REMINISCE
OVER YOU, MY GOD
OLD SCHOOL
BRING IT BACK
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS ?
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS ?
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
SHH.
SHH.
YEAH, BRINGING YOU ANO HER DISTURBING CREATION
FROM THE MIND
OF ONE SICK ANIMAL
WHO CAN'T TELL THE DIFFEREN
CE AND GETS STUPIFIED
WHO CAN'T TELL THE DIFFEREN
CE AND GETS STUPIFIED
I'VE BEEN
WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE
FOR JUST ONE FUCK
AND ALL I NEEDED
WAS JUST ONE FUCK
HOW CAN YOU SAY THA YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK
I FIND MYSELF STUPIFIED
, COMING BACK AGAIN
ALL I WANTED
WAS JUST ONE FUCK
ONE TINY, LITTLE,
INNOCENT FUCK
AND WHEN I FEEL LIKE
I'M SHIT OUT OF LUCK
I FIND MYSELF STUPIFIED
, COMING BACK AGAIN
WHY DO YOU LIKE
PLAYING AROUND WITH
MY NARROW SCOPE
OF REALITY
I CAN FEEL I ALL START SLIPPING
I THINK I'M BREAKING DOWN ?
WHY DO YOU LIKE
PLAYING AROUND WITH
MY NARROW SCOPE
OF REALITY
I CAN FEEL I ALL START SLIPPING AWAY
SEE, BUT I DON'T GET I
DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE
WE COULD PUT IT ON CREDI
DON'T YOU THINK
IT CAN TAKE CONTROL
WHEN I DON'T LET IT ?
I GET STUPIFIED
IT'S ALL THE SAME
YOU SAY LIVE WITH I
BUT I DON'T GET I
DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE
WE COULD PUT IT ON CREDI
DON'T YOU THINK
IT CAN TAKE CONTROL
WHEN I DON'T LET IT ?
I GET STUPIFIED
I GET STUPIFIED ?
I GET STUPIFIED ?
AND DON'T DENY ME
NO, BABY, NOW
DON'T DENY ME
AND, DARLIN',
DON'T BE AFRAID
AND, DARLIN',
DON'T BE AFRAID
BUT I DON'T GET I
DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE
WE COULD PUT IT ON CREDI
DON'T YOU THINK
IT CAN TAKE CONTROL
WHEN I DON'T LET IT ?
I GET STUPIFIED
I GET STUPIFIED
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE
LOOK IN MY FACE
LOOK IN MY FACE
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
INTO A FLY
INTO A FLY
I LOOKED AWAY
I LOOKED AWAY
YOU WERE ON FIRE
YOU WERE ON FIRE
I WATCHED A CHANGE
IN YOU
IT'S LIKE
YOU NEVER HAD WINGS
NOW YOU FEEL
SO ALIVE
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
IT'S LIKE
YOU NEVER HAD WINGS
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH
AH--AH
I TAUGHT YOU
HOW TO STAND
I TAUGHT YOU
HOW TO STAND
WHEN THE WORMS
ARE TALKING LOUD
WHEN THE WORMS
ARE TALKING LOUD
SOBBING BULLS
LAY DOWN AND SCREAM
SOBBING BULLS
LAY DOWN AND SCREAM
DOESN'T MEAN
I'M BREAKING MY VOWS
DOESN'T MEAN
I'M BREAKING MY VOWS
OH, NO
ALWAYS IGNORED
ALWAYS IGNORED
THOUGHT AFTER ALL
THAT I'D BE RICH
THOUGHT AFTER ALL
THAT I'D BE RICH
I MUST SAY I'VE NEVER
BEEN TO MEDITATE
THAT IS SOMETHING
THAT I WON'T NEED
THAT IS SOMETHING
THAT I WON'T NEED
YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT I HESITATE
YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT I HESITATE
WHAT FOR?
BEING BORED
OH, NO
ALWAYS IGNORED
Michal Prerovsky
WE'RE FROM THE SCHOOL,
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROCK IT UP, SUCKERS,
I CAN ROCK ABOUT THE BLOCKS
WE'RE FROM THE SCHOOL,
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROCK IT UP, SUCKERS,
I CAN ROCK ABOUT THE BLOCKS
LET ME SHOW YOU
WHAT I MADE TODAY.
I CAN'T WAIT.
I NEED TO GO UPSTAIRS
AND CHANGE,
AND THEN I'LL
START DINNER.
OK.
OK.
OK.
Kool and the Gang:
AND THE FEELING'S RIGH
OH, YES, IT'S LADIES NIGH
OH, WHAT A NIGH
OH, WHAT A NIGH
Peeper, singing along:
OH, YES, IT'S LADIES NIGH
AND THE FEEL--
OOH, SHOWTIME.
AND THE FEEL--
OOH, SHOWTIME.
ROUGH DAY AT THE OFFICE,
MRS. DUNLEAVY?
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER ONCE YOU
GET OUT OF THOSE WORK CLOTHES.
HA HA. AND INTO SOME SWEATS.
[CHUCKLES]
HA HA. AND INTO SOME SWEATS.
[CHUCKLES]
AHH.
OHH. I WISH YOU'D LET ME
RUB THOSE FEET.
OF COURSE,
I WOULDN'T USE MY HANDS.
[WHEEZING]
[WHEEZING]
OH.
I THINK VICTORIA
JUST TOLD ME HER SECRET.
OHH.
TTT TTT-TTT-TT TTT TTT-TTT-TT
TTT TTT-TTT-TTT TT
OH, MY, DEEDLY DEE.
ARE THOSE THINGS FOR ME?
EEE.
OHH.
Boy: MOM.
COMING IN.
OHH. SCOTTIE DUNLEAVY?
WHAT UNFORTUNATE TIMING.
GET OUT.
DON'T YOU KNOW
THIS IS NAUGHTY TIME?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.
[RING]
HELLO?
HELLO, SCOTTIE.
SAY, WHY DON'T YOU
BE A GOOD LITTLE BOY,
GO DOWNSTAIRS, LET YOUR MOTHER
GET COMFY, ALL RIGHT?
WHO IS THIS?
THIS IS A BIG BIRD WHO WANTS
TO SEE THE REST OF MOMMY.
NAH HA HA HA HA HA!
[GASPS]
OH, OH.
OH, MY GOD, SCOTTIE.
IS THAT A MAN UP OUR TREE?
NO, NO.
TELL HER IT'S A BIRD.
IT'S JUST A BIG BIRD.
IT'S JUST A BIG BIRD.
BAWK! BAWK BAWK BAWK!
BAWK! BAWK!
AAH!
OOH!
UHH!
OHH!
OHH!
HEY, PAL, WELCOME.
WELCOME TO WHAT?
WHERE AM I?
AAH!
AREN'T YOU THAT HORNY GUY
WHO WAS PRETENDING
TO BE A BIG BIRD?
CHECKING OU THAT BEAUTIFUL MOM?
YES, I AM.
NOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE
WHAT A BIG HORNY BIRD
ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE...
IN HELL!
[CAW CAW]
[LADIES NIGHTPLAYING]
AAH!
Kool and the Gang:
OH, YES, IT'S LADIES NIGH
NO! NO! NO! NO!
NO! NO! NO! NO!
I DESERVE THIS!
I DESERVE THIS!
OHH! OHH!
OHH! OHH!
OHH! OHH!
[RUNNIN' WITH THE DEVIL
BY VAN HALEN PLAYING]
[BIRD SCREECHES]
[THUNDER]
[THUNDER]
KNOCK, KNOCK.
HEY, JIMMY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
NICKY?
I'M JUST JAMMIN'.
YOUR FATHER WANTS TO SEE
YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS
DOWN IN THE THRONE ROOM.
HE'S NOT RETIRING TODAY,
IS HE?
HE JUST WANTS TO TALK TO YOU
AND CASSIUS AND ADRIAN
ABOUT WHO'S GONNA RULE HELL
FOR THE NEXT 10,000 YEARS.
WELL, WHAT DO
I NEED TO GO FOR?
HE'S NOT GONNA PICK ME.
HA HA HA! I HAPPEN TO THINK
YOU'D MAKE A GREAT DEVIL.
NO, I'M NOT INTO EVIL
AND TORTURE
AND ALL THAT STUFF.
PLUS,
THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS
SHOULD HAVE SORT OF
A DISTINGUISHED LOOK TO HIM,
AND LET'S FACE FACTS,
I'M NO GEORGE CLOONEY.
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NO A BAD-LOOKING GUY, NICKY.
LOOK AT YOU
IN THAT PICTURE.
LOOK AT YOU
IN THAT PICTURE.
YEAH, I USED TO
TALK NORMAL, TOO,
BUT THAT WAS BEFORE
MY BROTHER CASSIUS
HIT ME IN THE FACE
WITH A SHOVEL.
THAT'S ME NOW,
AND I ACCEPT IT.
WELL, YOUR BROTHERS
ARE TWO OF THE SICKEST GUYS
I HAVE EVER SEEN.
FOR SOME REASON,
YOU'RE NOT.
IT'S NOTHIN'
TO BE ASHAMED OF.
WELL, THEIR MOTHERS
WERE FIRE DRAGONS
AND MY MOTHER
WAS A GOAT,
SO HOW AM I GONNA
COMPETE WITH THAT?
YOUR MOTHER
WAS NOT A GOAT.
YOUR BROTHERS ARE
JUST PLAYING WITH YOU.
EITHER WAY, IF ONE OF
THOSE PSYCHOS GETS PICKED,
I'M DOOMED.
Cassius: I KNEW IT, ADRIAN.
HE'S FINALLY RETIRING.
Adrian: CASSIUS, I'VE BEEN
WAITING ON THIS DAY
FOR 10,000 YEARS.
FOR 10,000 YEARS.
WHEW.
IF THE OLD MAN PICKS ME
TO TAKE OVER HELL,
I'M GONNA KEEP
TORTURE GOING 24-7.
NO BREAKS.
WHOA, MAMA!
YOU GOT HIM RIGH IN THE EYE.
[LAUGHING]
HEY.
OHH!
HOW'S DADDY'S LITTLE
GIRL DOING TODAY?
OH, I DIDN'T SEE
YOU GUYS OVER THERE.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, SHOVEL FACE,
YOU WANNA MIND-WRESTLE?
ACTUALLY, NAH,
I'M ALL RIGHT.
I WAS THINKING
OF CHILLING OU
BY THE THRONE
FOR A LITTLE BIT.
I'M GONNA MIND-WRESTLE YOU
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
WELL,
I HAVE TO WARN YOU,
I'M GETTING
PRETTY GOOD AT IT.
THEN I GUESS I CAN' MAKE YOU DO THIS.
OK. MERCY. YOU WIN.
I GIVE. GAME OVER.
WHAT ARE YOU BOYS DOING?
AAH!
NOTHING, DAD, JUST HITTING
THE OLD PUNCHING BAGS.
CASSIUS, DIDN'T I TELL YOU
TO STAY OUT OF
YOUR BROTHER'S MIND?
I FORGOT.
MAYBE THIS WILL
HELP YOU REMEMBER.
AAH! OOH!
[THUNDER]
NOW, EVERYBODY
COME SIT DOWN.
HEY, DAD.
YES, SON.
I--I KNOW YOU GO A LOT ON YOUR MIND,
BUT I ALMOST FINISHED
THAT MONSTERS OF METAL
COMPILATION TAPE.
I REALLY THINK IT'S TURNING
INTO A MASTERPIECE.
OK, KID.
WE'LL LISTEN TO IT LATER.
THANKS, THANKS.
THANKS, THANKS.
OH, A WINDOW.
HELLO, MR. DEVIL,
I LIKE YOUR CAPE.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
[SQUAWKING]
AAH!
AAH!
[PEEPER GRUNTING]
I DESERVE THIS!
Satan: FELLAS...
THIS, AS SOME OF YOU
MIGHT KNOW,
IS MY 10,000th YEAR
AS PRINCE OF DARKNESS,
SO I THINK THE TIME
HAS COME TO DISCUSS
WHO WILL SUCCEED ME.
UH, KNOCK, KNOCK.
YES, JIMMY?
DON'T FORGET-
YOU'RE SHOVING
A PINEAPPLE
UP HITLER'S ASS
AT 4:00 P. M.
UP HITLER'S ASS
AT 4:00 P. M.
THIS WAS A VERY
DIFFICULT DECISION,
BECAUSE I HAVE
I MEAN, ADRIAN--
SO SMART, SO RUTHLESS.
WEARS MAKEUP.
AND CASSIUS-
SO STRONG, SO TOUGH.
DON'T FORGE CLINICALLY INSANE.
AND NICKY-
AND NICKY-
SUCH A SWEET BOY.
[LAUGHS]
BUT AFTER MUCH THOUGH
AND CAREFUL CONSIDERATION,
I'VE DECIDED THAT THE RULER
FOR THE NEXT 10,000 YEARS
IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE...
IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE...
ME.
WHAT?
HALLELUJAH.
I MEAN, THAT SUCKS.
THE IMPORTANT THING FOR
THE STABILITY OF OUR RULE
IS TO MAINTAIN THE BALANCE
BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL,
AND I DON'T THINK
ANY OF YOU
ARE READY FOR
THAT RESPONSIBILITY YET.
DAD, THIS IS BULLSHIT!
I DON'T LIKE
THAT LANGUAGE.
I DON'T LIKE
THAT LANGUAGE.
AHEM.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
SEND HIM IN.
SORRY, BOYS.
I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.
Nicky: WELL, IT WAS GOOD
HANGING WITH YOU, DAD.
I'LL CHECK YOU LATER.
I'LL CHECK YOU LATER.
MM-MMM.
MM-MMM.
UHH!
UHH!
MM-HMM.
YOU'RE SCHNERIOUS?
YOU'RE SCHNERIOUS?
Hitler: AAH!
Hitler: AAH!
OFF, OFF, OFF,
OFF, OFF.
AHH.
DAMN!
GRANDPA LUCIFER SAID,
"IT'S BETTER
TO RULE IN HELL
THAN IT IS TO SERVE
IN HEAVEN."
WELL, I'M TIRED
OF SERVING IN HELL.
WE NEED SOMEWHERE
WHERE WE CAN RULE.
[ROARS]
[LAUGHS]
BRING IT ON, BIG MAN.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
[WHIMPERS]
[LAUGHS]
COULD YOU CONCENTRATE
FOR 5 SECONDS?
I AM CONCENTRATING, MAN.
I'M SORRY.
AFTER CAREFUL
CONSIDERATION,
I MUST RESPECTFULLY
DECLINE.
I CAN'T STAND
RETIREMENT.
COME ON. JUST LET ME
WIN ONE SUPER BOWL.
IN EXCHANGE FOR ETERNAL
DAMNATION OF YOUR SOUL?
YOU'RE MUCH
TOO NICE A GUY
FOR ME TO WANT TO DO
THAT TO YOU, MR. MARINO.
YOU DID IT FOR NAMATH.
YEAH, BUT JOE
WAS COMING HERE ANYWAYS.
THIS SUCKS.
I'LL JUST GO TO THE SUPER
BOWL AS AN ANNOUNCER,
AND I'LL WIN MYSELF
AN EMMY!
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
YOU'RE A GOOD DEVIL, DAD.
AND I ALSO HAPPEN
TO BE A JETS FAN.
[LAUGHS]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT...EARTH?
WE COULD CREATE
OUR OWN HELL THERE.
ARE YOU SAYING WE GO UP
THERE AND KILL EVERYONE?
EVENTUALLY, CASSIUS,
BUT FIRST,
WE'D HAVE TO CORRUP AS MANY SOULS AS WE CAN,
SO THAT WHEN
WE DO DESTROY THEM...
THEIR DAMNED SOULS
WILL BE OURS.
IT'S OUR TIME, BROTHER.
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
HAAH!
HAAH!
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
FELLAS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Both: WE'RE LEAVING.
Gatekeeper:
YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH THERE!
THE FIRE FLOWS IN,
NOT OUT.
AAH!
AAH!
YOU REALLY SUCK!
YOU REALLY SUCK!
YOUR EVILNESS!
YOUR EVILNESS!
CASSIUS AND ADRIAN
HAVE ESCAPED FROM HELL.
THEY WENT OU THROUGH THE FIRE,
AND THEY FROZE IT.
I TRIED TO
STOP THEM, SIR,
BUT THEY OVERPOWERED ME.
[SOBBING]
[SOBBING]
CALM DOWN.
GET OFF YOUR KNEES.
[DISTANT ALARM SOUNDS]
THANK YOU FOR BEING
SO UNDERSTANDING,
YOUR WICKEDNESS.
YOU'RE THE MAN. YOU'VE
ALWAYS BEEN THE MAN.
I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT.
I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT.
OH. OH.
ARE THERE BOOBS
ON MY HEAD?
YEAH--BIG ONES.
WHAT'S GOING ON, DAD?
I'M GOING TO DIE, NICKY.
THE GATES ARE BROKEN.
NO NEW SOULS CAN GET IN,
WHICH MEANS I'LL STAR TO DETERIORATE INTO NOTHING.
NO. NO.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THOSE
"HOO HOO" NOISES?
EVERYTHING'S FINE, POP.
EVERYTHING'S FINE?
WHO ARE YOU BULLSHITTING?
THE LAST TIME YOU SAID
EVERYTHING WAS FINE,
THE RENAISSANCE
HAPPENED.
PLEASE, POP,
GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM.
HEY, CAN I TAKE HIM
WITH ME?
SURE, POP.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
TIT-HEAD,
GO WITH MY FATHER.
TIT-HEAD,
GO WITH MY FATHER.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[JIMMY KNOCKS ON ICE]
NOT A DAMN SOUL IS GOING
TO GET THROUGH THAT.
THIS FIRE
IS SOLID AS ROCK.
WE GOT TO GET THIS
BAD BOY BURNING AGAIN.
TO DO THAT,
CASSIUS AND ADRIAN
HAVE TO COME BACK THROUGH
THE OTHER WAY.
SO GO GET 'EM, DAD.
I'M TOO WEAK.
THE PROCESS
HAS ALREADY BEGUN.
[WHIMPERS]
SO GO GET 'EM,
JIMMY.
I'M JUST A DEMON.
I DON'T HAVE
DEVIL BLOOD IN ME.
I--I WOULDN'T LAS
WITH YOUR BROTHERS
UP THERE.
ARE YOU SAYING
IT'S UP TO ME?
HUH?
YOU SAID NO SOULS
COULD GET THROUGH THAT.
NICKY, ARE YOU A SOUL,
OR ARE YOU
THE SPAWN OF SATAN?
OR ARE YOU
THE SPAWN OF SATAN?
I NEVER BEEN
TO EARTH, DAD.
I NEVER EVEN SLEPT OVER
SOME OTHER DUDE'S HOUSE.
NICKY, THE WORST THING
THAT COULD HAPPEN ON EARTH
IS YOU GET KILLED,
IN WHICH CASE,
BOOM-
YOU END UP BACK HERE.
SO YOU'RE SAYING
I NEED TO GO TO EARTH
AND KILL MY BROTHERS?
NO GO.
THEY LEFT TOGETHER
AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.
THEY GO TO COME BACK TOGETHER
AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.
HERE.
HERE.
GET THEM TO DRINK
FROM THIS.
ONE SIP, AND THEY'LL BE
TRAPPED INSIDE.
ONCE YOU'VE GO BOTH OF THEM,
YOU BRING THE FLASK
BACK THROUGH THE GATE.
LET ME, SIR.
GROSS!
[SNIFFS]
UHH.
HE'S GO LESS THAN A WEEK.
HE'S GO LESS THAN A WEEK.
Nicky: DAD,
I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN DO THIS.
SON, YOU...
TRY YOUR BEST.
[ROARS]
AAH!
[ROARS]
[ROARS]
EARTH.
EARTH.
IT DOESN'T LOOK TOO BAD.
IT DOESN'T LOOK TOO BAD.
[TRAIN APPROACHES]
[HONKS HORN]
[HONKS HORN]
YOU WERE GONE 10 SECONDS.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I GOT HI BY THIS BIG LIGH
THAT WAS ATTACHED
TO A LOT OF METAL.
THAT'S A TRAIN, SON.
DON'T STAND
IN FRONT OF THEM.
WELL, I'LL HAVE TO TAKE
A MULLIGAN ON THIS ONE.
PLEASE, NICKY,
GET BACK UP THERE.
ALL RIGHT. WHOA!
I'LL GET THA FOR YOU, SIR.
I'LL GET THA FOR YOU, SIR.
I'M NICKY.
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
NOW GET OFF THE TRACK
AND COME WITH ME,
HANDSOME.
OK.
Beefy: WELCOME
TO GRAND CENTRAL STATION
IN NEW YORK CITY.
MY NAME IS BEEFY.
I'M AN OLD FRIEND
OF YOUR FATHER'S.
HE ASKED ME
TO HELP YOU OUT.
I JUST WANT TO FIND
MY BROTHERS
AND BE ON MY WAY.
IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY.
YOUR BROTHERS
CAN POSSESS PEOPLE,
SO THEY PROBABLY
WON'T LOOK LIKE THEMSELVES.
YOU HAVE TO BE SUSPICIOUS
OF EVERYONE.
ALL RIGHT, BRO.
WELL, THE JIG
IS UP, THEN.
GET IN THE FLASK.
COME ON.
IT AIN'T ME, MORON.
SORRY. I...
NOW, THERE'S
THIS BLIND GUY OUTSIDE
YOU MIGHT THINK
IS POSSESSED,
BUT HE'S JUST CRAZY.
OK.
HEY, YO,
UPTOWN, WHAT?
Deacon: THOUGH I CANNO SEE WITH THESE BLIND EYES,
I KNOW THE GOOD LORD
STILL LOVES ME.
HE LOVES
ALL OF HIS CHILDREN.
WHY, HE LOVES YOU...
Beefy:
THAT'S HIM.
AND HE LOVES YOU.
[SNIFFS]
Beefy:
HERE HE GOES.
YOU MAKE THE LORD
VERY NERVOUS.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'VE BEEN--
I'M BURNIN' NOW.
TAKE IT EASY.
HELLFIRE
IS BURNIN' ME ALIVE!
Beefy:
HE'S BURNING.
BURNIN' ME!
AAH!
THE BEAST IS ALIVE!
HE'S AMONG US!
CLEAR THE STREETS!
THE DEVIL IS HERE!
[HITS GROUND]
UHH!
HEH HEH HEH.
MAKING FRIENDS ALREADY.
I DON'T KNOW WHA THAT GUY'S PROBLEM WAS.
IT'S FREEZING UP HERE.
YOU'RE IN
THE HUMAN WORLD NOW, KID.
YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL
A LOT OF NEW THINGS
YOU NEVER FELT BEFORE.
LET'S GET YOU
SOME WARM CLOTHES
AND SOME HOT FOOD.
YEAH.
YEAH.
PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.
PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.
NOW MOVE YOUR TEETH
UP AND DOWN.
UP AND DOWN.
UP AND DOWN.
GOOD, NUMB NUTS.
NOW YOU GO TO SWALLOW IT.
TILT YOUR HEAD BACK
AND LET THE MEAT SLIDE
DOWN YOUR THROAT HOLE.
[GAGS]
EASY. DON'T CHOKE.
[SWALLOWS]
[SWALLOWS]
POPEYE'S CHICKEN
IS FUCKING AWESOME.
UH-HUH.
NOW EAT UP. YOU'RE GOING
TO NEED YOUR ENERGY.
I GOT ENERGY
UP THE YING-YANG.
LET'S GO SAVE DAD.
ADRIAN! CASSIUS!
Woman: AAH!
OH, BOY.
SO NICE.
UHH!
UHH!
HEY.
H-HEY.
H-HEY.
I LIKE YOUR BRASSIERE.
OH. THANK YOU.
COULD YOU GUYS MAYBE NO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS?
YEAH. YOU GOT IT.
DO YOU MIND MAYBE NO TELLING ANYBODY ABOUT THIS?
YOU GOT IT.
[GROWLS]
LOOK, SIDEWALK
EQUALS SAFETY.
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD
EQUALS DEATH.
FROM NOW ON,
I'M JUST GOING
TO TRY TO AVOID
ALL MOVING
METAL OBJECTS.
GREAT. NOW, YOUR FATHER
GAVE ME SOME DEPOSIT MONEY
FOR A NICE PAD
ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE,
BUT I MISPLACED IT.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I'M WASTED! AHH!
SO I FOUND
THIS OTHER JOINT FOR YOU,
BUT YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE A ROOMMATE.
THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING BETTER
THAN DRINKING
AN ICE-COLD WHISKEY SOUR
ON A HOT ALABAMA NIGHT,
AND THAT'S
TELLING THE TRUTH.
I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK
ABOUT ME, GRANDMA.
YOU THINK I'M WORTHLESS.
YOU THINK
I'M A STUMBLEBUM
WHO AIN'T NEVER GOING
TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.
WELL, OLD WOMAN,
YOU ARE WRONG.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[WHISPERING]
You are wrong.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
HELLO, FRIEND.
MY NAME IS NICKY.
I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE
SEEKING A ROOMMATE,
AS PER YOUR AD IN
THEVILLAGE VOICE.
WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE
FOR ME TO FILL THE SLOT?
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT RENT IS?
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT RENT IS?
YES.
WHAT IS RENT?
IT'S 1200,
SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE.
TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS,
I REHEARSE WITH
MY SCENE PARTNER,
SO THE LIVING ROOM'S
GOING TO BE OFF-LIMITS.
OFF-LIMITS.
AREN'T YOU BOILING HO IN THAT OUTFIT? NO.
IT'S LIKE 80 DEGREES
IN THIS HALLWAY.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM,
THE SOUTH?
WHERE ARE YOU FROM,
THE SOUTH?
YES.
YES.
THE DEEP SOUTH.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
WHY IS THAT FUNNY?
I DON'T KNOW.
OK. AND SORRY, GUY,
BUT NO DOGGIES ALLOWED.
Beefy: GO ON.
BIG DAY TOMORROW.
AND DON'T FORGE TO DO THAT SLEEP THING
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
GOTCHA.
YOU'RE NOT MY BROTHER,
ARE YOU?
OH.
I'M AN ONLY CHILD.
YOU LOVE ACTING.
I LOVE PISSING.
I LOVE PISSING.
[NICKY SNORES]
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[DEMONIC GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[ROARING]
OH, MY GOD!
[BELL TOLLING,
CHOIR SINGING]
[BELL TOLLING,
CHOIR SINGING]
Choir: AMEN
Choir: AMEN
IN TODAY'S GOSPEL,
THE LORD TELLS US
HOW WE SHOULD LIVE
IF WE WISH TO ATTAIN
THE SPLENDOR OF HEAVEN.
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
JESUS THIS, MOSES THAT.
ABRAHAM HIT ME
WITH A WIFFLE BALL BAT.
[HUMMING]
[HUMMING]
YEP. THE LORD SURE DID SAY
A LOT OF HIBBITY JIBBITY
BIBBITY SWIBBITY.
A LOT OF HIBBITY JIBBITY
BIBBITY SWIBBITY.
BUT...
HAS HE EVER
REALLY DONE ANYTHING
FOR ANY OF US?
HAS HE EVER PUT A JAGUAR XJR
IN MY DRIVEWAY?
NO.
I LOVE THAT CAR.
HAS THE LORD GIVEN ANY
OF MY ENEMIES THE HERPES?
THE HERPES?
NO.
THE LORD GAVE MY SON
THE STRENGTH
TO GET OFF DRUGS.
MA'AM, I KNOW YOUR SON,
AND, BELIEVE ME, HE WAS
BETTER OFFONTHE DRUGS.
AT LEAST WHEN
HE WAS SMOKING HASHISH
HE USED TO MAKE ME LAUGH
OCCASIONALLY.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
AFTER WE TRIED
FOR MANY YEARS,
THE LORD FINALLY
HELPED MY WIFE
CONCEIVE A BABY.
NO, NO, NO.
YOUR BEST FRIEND FITZY
HELPED YOUR WIFE
CONCEIVE A BABY.
HE HELPED HER CONCEIVE I
ALL NIGHT LONG.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
[CROWD BOOS]
HOW ABOUT YOU, MAYOR?
HAS THE LORD
EVER DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU?
WELL, YOU KNOW, I-
I WISHED I COULD
THINK OF SOMETHING,
BUT, TO BE HONES WITH YOU, I CAN'T.
I CAN'T THINK OF A DAMN THING
HE'S EVER DONE FOR ME!
KIND OF MAKES YOU WONDER
IF THERE EVEN IS A LORD,
IF THERE EVEN IS
AN ULTIMATE PUNISHMEN
FOR OUR SO-CALLED SINS.
WHY DON'T WE ALL
JUST HAVE FUN
AND DO WHATEVER
THE HELL WE WANT?
HEY, HEY!
Father: LET THE SIN BEGIN.
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
Cassius:
LET THE SIN BEGIN.
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
Adrian:
THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!
I NEVER WANT IT TO END.
WHY SHOULD IT END?
WHO'S GOING TO STOP US?
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
COME ON. THERE'S, LIKE,
AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING.
WELL, LET'S
ROCK AND ROLL, THEN.
UHH!
I'M NOT GET IN
THIRSTY! THE FLASK.
I'M NOT GET IN
THIRSTY! THE FLASK.
AAH!
CASSIUS,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
OW! OW!
CASSIUS,
GET IN THE FLASK.
[YELLS UNINTELLIGIBLY]
GET IN THE FLASK.
GET IN THE FLASK.
MAY I HELP YOU? GET IN
THE FLASK.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, MAN?
I'M TALKING ABOU AN 8-PIECE. LET'S GO.
LOOK, IT'S OK FOR ME
TO SHIT IN THE STREET,
BUT YOU GOT TO USE
A TOILET.
OK.
NICKY, WHERE ARE YOU?
AW, COME ON.
WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?
JUST GET IN THE FLASK.
I GOTTA GET ADRIAN.
[POLAR BEAR ROARS]
AAH!
AAH!
???? OOH, OOH, OOH ????
GARY'S SO HAIRY.
[LAUGHS]
TICKLE, TICKLE,
TICKLE. OOH!
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
ALL THAT CHASING
AND RUNNING AROUND
IS MAKING ME WANT TO DO
THE SLEEP THING AGAIN.
KID, I LIKE
YOUR ENTHUSIASM,
BUT I THINK
WE HAVE TO WORK ON
NARROWING DOWN
OUR LIST OF SUSPECTS.
NOW I'M GOING
TO GO CHECK IN
WITH SOME OF
MY CONTACTS UPTOWN.
YEAH.
[SNORES]
[ROARS]
[ROARS]
KID'S GO A LOT OF EVIL IN HIM
JUST BEGGING
TO COME OUT.
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[SNORES]
[ROARING]
[ROARING]
[SCREECHING]
[BARKING AND HOWLING]
[BARKING AND HOWLING]
[SNORES]
[GROWLING]
[GROWLING]
[SNORES]
I WILL EAT YOUR HEART.
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
THERE'S OUR MAN.
WELL, MR. SLEEPYHEAD
MUST HAVE SOME MAJOR TIES
TO THE DARK SIDE.
MUST HAVE SOME MAJOR TIES
TO THE DARK SIDE.
WHAT'S WITH THAT GUY?
IT'S GOT TO BE ONE
OF HIS DISCIPLES OR SOMETHING.
[GROWLS]
MY MAN'S INTO
DEEP NOCTURNAL SHIT.
WHOO! MM-HMM. YEAH.
John: YO, MAN,
I THINK THAT DEVIL GUY
JUST GOT RIPPED OFF.
SHOULD WE WAKE HIM UP?
YEAH. YOU DO IT.
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS]
RISE AND SHINE,
DEVIL GUY.
SOME DUDE
JUST STOLE YOUR SHIT.
WHAT? WHERE?
AAH!
WHICH WAY DID HE GO?
UH, THAT WAY.
THANKS.
GIVE ME BACK
MY FLASK!
DID YOU CHECK OU THE DRAGON MOUTH?
THE DARK PRINCE
IS HERE.
UHH!
UHH!
UHH!
UHH!
RUNNIN', RUNNIN',
RUNNIN'
THROUGH MY HEAD
THEY TELL YOU
IT WAS GOOD FOREVER
BUT I KNOW
IT'S NOW OR NEVER
RUNNIN', RUNNIN',
RUNNIN'
THROUGH MY HEAD
Man: CHECK OUT MY STUFF.
I GOT A LOW PRICE.
I GOT A PEPPER SHAKER.
I GOT A SILVER DOODAD
FROM AFRICA.
HEY.
SEE SOMETHING
YOU LIKE, MY MAN?
YES. I WOULD LIKE
MY FLASK BACK.
YOU CALLING ME
A THIEF, MY MAN?
I'M CALLING YOU THE GUY
WHO HAS MY FLASK.
HOW WOULD I HAVE IT UNLESS
I WAS, IN FACT, A THIEF?
I DON'T KNOW.
NOW YOU'VE GONE
AND DONE IT.
YOU DONE MESSED
WITH MY BUSINESS, BITCH.
I WOULD APPRECIATE I IF YOU KEPT YOUR VOICE DOWN.
OH...
YOU GOING ALL
CRAZY-EYED ON ME.
I'LL SHOW YOU
SOME CRAZY EYE.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
LOOK AT THIS. COME ON,
LET'S GET BUSY.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
WHO?
DOES THAT FLASK
BELONG TO THIS MAN?
NOW YOU GOING TO CALL ME
A THIEF, TOO? DAMN.
OK, LOOK, TODAY,
THE GUY YOU RIPPED OFF
JUST HAPPENED TO WALK BY
AND BUST YOU,
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUS GIVE HIM HIS FLASK BACK?
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO IF I DON'T?
BITE ME WITH
YOUR SNAGGLETOOTH?
NO...
BUT MAYBE THAT POLICEMAN
OVER THERE
MIGHT HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY.
HMM.
HMM.
AW, TAKE YOUR DUMB-ASS
CANTEEN, GOOFY.
AW, TAKE YOUR DUMB-ASS
CANTEEN, GOOFY.
AND YOU, GE YOUR RAGGEDY-ASS CLOTHES
AND FIND YOURSELF
ANOTHER CORNER
BEFORE I SHOW YOU
WHAT CRAZY REALLY IS.
FINE. I WILL.
BLEAH! [CLICKS TONGUE]
I'M A BUSINESSMAN.
I'LL BE SEEING YOU
IN A FEW YEARS.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[CLICKS TONGUE]
EXCUSE ME.
THAT WAS AMAZING.
I JUST WANTED
TO THANK YOU.
OH, THAT'S OK.
I GET MESSED WITH
ALL THE TIME.
WHEN I SAW HIM
DO THAT TO YOU,
I JUST LOST IT.
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TOURISTS.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M A TOURIST?
OH.
YOUR ACCENT, MAYBE.
WELL, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
THE SOUTH.
REALLY?
THE DEEP SOUTH.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[BOTH LAUGH]
HA HA!
WHY ARE WE LAUGHING?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I WAS ENJOYING IT.
YOUR GLASSES ARE PRETTY.
THEY MAKE YOUR EYES
LOOK BIG AND SPARKLY.
IT'S FUN
LOOKING AT THEM.
IT'S FUN
LOOKING AT THEM.
OH. MY DAD'S
AN OPTOMETRIST.
MY DAD'S IN HELL,
AND HE'S FALLING APART.
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT'S REALLY TOUGH
WHEN YOUR FOLKS GET OLDER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO
IF I COULDN'T SAVE HIM.
WELL, I'M SURE A NICE
SOUTHERN BOY LIKE YOU
WILL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
YOU WANT SOME POPEYE'S?
HA HA! NO.
I--I HAD MY LUNCH ALREADY.
OK.
BUT I WOULDN'T MIND
GETTING A GELATI.
COULD I COME WITH YOU
TO GETTING A GELATI?
IF YOU WANT TO.
[LAUGHS]
HERE YOU GO, PAL.
ENJOY.
MMM. THANK YOU.
IT'S FREEZING
MY HANDS.
EVEN WITH
THOSE GLOVES ON?
YEAH, IT'S COLD.
HERE, LET ME WRAP IT.
PLEASE. THANK YOU.
GELATI.
THAT'S BETTER. YEAH.
[MAN MUTTERING]
OOH!
WHY ARE YOU TAUNTING ME
WITH YOUR DARKNESS?
YOUR EVIL,
IT'S STINKING UP OUR STREETS!
THE END IS NEAR!
WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!
[CLANG]
[GASPS]
THIS TOWN IS REALLY
GOING TO HELL LATELY.
YEAH.
SO, WHAT PART OF TOWN
DO YOU LIVE IN?
I HAVE AN APARTMENT.
I'M NOT SURE WHERE.
MY DOG KNOWS, THOUGH.
YOU HAVE A DOG?
WHAT KIND?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'D ASK HIM,
BUT HE'S UPTOWN
MEETING HIS CONTACTS.
SAY "MR. BEEFY."
SAY IT. SAY IT.
MR. BEEFY.
AND...I LOVE YOU!
YOU GO TO SCHOOL?
WHAT'S THAT LIKE?
OH, I GO TO PARSONS
SCHOOL OF DESIGN.
I KNEW GROWING UP
I WASN'T MUCH TO LOOK AT,
SO I CONCENTRATED ON MAKING
THINGS THAT ARE PRETTY.
YOU HAVE A NICE SMELL
COMING OFF YOU.
[SNIFFS]
OH, THAT'S MY PERFUME.
IT'S CALLED
COMME DE SUD PACIFIC.
I THINK THAT'S FRENCH
FOR "COCONUTS."
I THINK THAT'S FRENCH
FOR "COCONUTS."
[SNIFFING]
[SNIFFING]
[GIGGLES]
THAT'S BETTER
THAN THE GELATI.
THAT'S BETTER
THAN THE GELATI.
VALERIE, IT FEELS LIKE
THERE'S A BUNCH
OF BUTTERFLIES
FLAPPING AROUND
IN MY STOMACH RIGHT NOW.
IS THAT NORMAL?
SOMETIMES, SURE.
GOOD, 'CAUSE
I WAS CONCERNED.
WHY DID THEY DO THIS TO ME?
I WAS GOOD TO THEM.
I CAN HARDLY NOTICE.
HONEST.
I CAN HARDLY NOTICE.
HONEST.
I SURE HOPE NICKY'S
KICKIN' SOME ASS ON EARTH
OR WE ARE DOOMED.
YOU KNOW, I WAS THE ONE
WHO CREATED HELL.
I KNOW THAT,
YOUR HATEFULNESS.
BUT, ACTUALLY, THE CREDI FOR STARTING HELL
BELONGS TO MY FIRST WIFE,
YOU KNOW.
SHE WAS THE INSPIRATION.
[LAUGHING]
HEY, CHEWBACCA,
TAKE IT EASY, WILL YOU?
IN FACT, YOU LOOK
LIKE MY FIRST WIFE.
ONLY SHE HAD MORE HAIR.
[HOWLING]
IN ANOTHER STARTLING
ANNOUNCEMENT FROM CITY HALL,
MAYOR RANDOLPH HAS,
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY,
LOWERED THE LEGAL
DRINKING AGE
FROM 21 TO 10.
???? SO YOU WANT TO BE
A ROCK SUPERSTAR ????
???? AND LIVE LARGE... ????
WHEN AN ADULT GOES TO HELL,
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
BLARRGH!
BUT WHEN A CHILD GOES...
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S WHY
I'M IN THIS BUSINESS.
[LAUGHING]
LITTLE NICKY.
Valerie: KNOW WHAT'S
NICE ABOUT YOU?
WHAT?
I LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE HAPPY
JUST BEING YOURSELF.
YOU DON'T TRY TO ACT COOL.
THANKS MUCH,
VALERIE.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
NICE ABOUT YOU?
[SCREECHING]
[STRUGGLING]
YOUR JUICY
HEART-SHAPED HEINIE.
WHAT WAS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW
WHY I SAID THAT.
I--I MEAN TO SAY THAT...
I'VE ALWAYS DREAM ABOUT HAVING SEX
WITH A GROSS PIG.
CAN I WASH MY WINKY
IN YOUR KITCHEN SINKY?
YOU'RE A REAL JERK!
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE.
WHAT THE--ADRIAN!
HA HA HA!
DAD NEEDS YOU
TO COME BACK TO HELL.
SO HE SENT OLD SHOVEL FACE
TO FETCH ME.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
HE'S IN TROUBLE.
SO ARE YOU.
HEY, VALERIE!
HEY, VALERIE!
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
I'M SORRY!
OOH!
ADRIAN, YOU GUYS
FROZE THE FIRE GATE
AND NOW DAD IS DYING,
SO GET YOUR BOOTY
BACK HOME OR ELSE!
YOU CAN'T TALK TOUGH,
NICKY.
EVEN THE VOICE INSIDE YOUR HEAD
HAS A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
ADRIAN,
YOU'RE GONNA GO BACK
BECAUSE I'M GONNA
MAKE YOU GO BACK.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
I'LL STAY HERE,
ENJOYING MY PIZZA AND
MY PEPPERMINT SCHNAPPS,
AND YOU GO BACK.
ADRIAN, DON'T!
CUT THE CRAP!
THIS IS SERIOUS!
CUT THE CRAP!
THIS IS SERIOUS!
AW, COME ON!
AW, COME ON!
OHH-HH!
SO I WAS DRIVING
TO WORK TODAY,
SOME BOZO IN A CADILLAC
CUTS ME OFF.
SO I FOLLOWED HIM.
WHEN HE GOT OUT OF HIS CAR,
I RUN UP BEHIND THIS GUY,
AND I START BASHING
HIS BRAINS IN WITH THIS BAT.
DID YOU EVER SEE
THE UNTOUCHABLES?
I WAS DE NIRO!
WHAT'S HAPPENED
TO YOU, REGIS?!
MM-HMM.
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE
TODAY, IN CONJUNCTION
WITH THE NEW YORK
BOARD OF TOURISM,
UNVEILED ITS NEW MOTTO
TO REPLACE
THE LONG-STANDING
"I LOVE NEW YORK" SLOGAN.
"I LOVE HOOKERS" WILL NOW BE
THE CITY'S CATCH PHRASE.
YOUR BROTHERS ARE
UPSETTING THE BALANCE
BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
YOU CAN'T DO JACK SHI
UNLESS YOU LEARN
YOUR EVIL POWERS.
GO GET A SODA
OUT OF THE FRIDGE.
BUT THOSE ARE
MY ROOMMATE'S SODAS.
"BUT THOSE ARE
MY ROOMMATE'S SODAS."
DOES THAT SOUND
LIKE A STATEMEN
THE SON OF THE DEVIL
WOULD MAKE?
ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY.
NICKY, YOU HAVE
THE POWER TO CHANGE
THE COLA IN THAT CAN
INTO ANY OTHER LIQUID.
ENGINE OIL, BAT'S BLOOD,
MOOSE PISS.
YOU JUST HAVE TO RELEASE
THE EVIL WITHIN.
RELEASE THE EVIL?
I'M JUST SAYING
THERE'S WICKEDNESS IN YOU.
I CAN TELL FROM YOUR SNORES.
REALLY?
RELEASE YOUR EVIL.
RELEASE YOUR EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT.
THERE IT IS.
YOU GOT IT IN YOU.
[BUBBLING]
[BUBBLING]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HEY!
OH! I-
OH! I-
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GOING TO PRETEND
I DIDN'T SEE A DOG
ON THE COUCH,
BECAUSE MY BRAIN JUST CAN' PROCESS THAT RIGHT NOW.
BUT WERE YOU ABOU TO DRINK ONE OF MY COKES?
NO. I WAS
JUST LOOKING AT IT.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
[OPENS CAN]
[SLURPS]
[GULPS]
THIS COKE TASTES
LIKE PEPSI.
THIS COKE TASTES
LIKE PEPSI.
YOU CHANGED A COKE
INTO A PEPSI?
THAT WAS YOUR
BIG TRANSFORMATION?
COME ON, MAN,
GIVE IT UP A LITTLE.
IT WAS PRETTY GOOD
FOR MY FIRST TRY.
DO YOU EVEN CARE
THAT YOUR BROTHERS
ARE KILLING YOUR FATHER?
YES, I CARE!
AND HE IS NO GOING TO DIE!
AND HE IS NO GOING TO DIE!
[GLASS EXPLODES]
ATTA-BOY.
I'M FREAKED OUT.
MY TELEVISION JUST BLEW UP.
YOU'RE DAMN RIGH IT DID!
I MEAN, REALLY?
I KNOW THIS IS
YOUR LIVING ROOM TIME,
BUT COULD I FINISH WATCHING
THE GLOBETROTTERS OUT HERE?
IT'S THE CRAZIEST GAME
I'VE EVER SEEN.
[WHISTLING THEME]
[WHISTLING THEME]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[HIGH VOICE] HE'S WALKING!
GET HIM A BUS!
THIS IS THE PAR I DON'T GET.
ANOTHER TERRIBLE CALL.
THERE'S NO WAY
THAT WAS TRAVELING.
WHAT'S UP WITH
ALL THE CALLS?
WE HAVEN'T LOS A GAME IN 53 YEARS!
GUESS WHAT, CORNROWS?
TECHNICAL FOUL!
YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!
HA HA HA HA!
[BOOING]
WHY'S THE REF BEING SO MEAN
TO THE GLOBETROTTERS, DADDY?
I'VE BEEN WATCHING
THESE GUYS PLAY
SINCE
I WAS YOUR AGE.
IT'S ALL PAR OF THE SHOW, BABY.
[CACKLES]
THAT GUY IN
THE STRIPED SHIR
SNAPPED HIS FINGERS
LIKE SOMEBODY I KNOW!
[CACKLING]
[CACKLING]
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
NORMALLY
THE GLOBETROTTERS
REPRESENT FAMILY
ENTERTAINMENT.
WHO GIVES A SHIT?
[SOBBING]
THESE KIDS CAME HERE TO SEE
THE GLOBETROTTERS WIN!
THE GLOBETROTTERS
ON ACCOUNT OF THE BIGMOUTH!
[CACKLES]
BOO!
BOO!
IT'S ALL PART OF
THE SHOW, BABY! HA HA!
HIT THE HALF-TIME BUZZER.
I'M TIRED.
IF THE SECOND HALF DOESN' GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS,
YOU CAN EXPEC A FULL-SCALE RIOT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS NOW TIME
FOR THE GLOBETROTTERS'
HALF-TIME
HALF-COURT HEAVE-HO THROW!
AND IF THE CONTESTAN MAKES IT,
EVERYONE HERE
WILL GET A FREE PIZZA PIE!
I AIN'T TAKIN' THE SHOT.
THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.
EXCUSE ME.
I'LL TAKE THAT SHOT.
OK.
WHAT MADE YOU WAN TO COME AND SEE
THE GLOBETROTTERS
TODAY, SON?
I CAME FOR THE BEER
AND THE BITCHES.
OHH.
LOOKS WHO'S BACK
FROM THE DEAD.
YEAH!
PLEASE WELCOME
MIGUEL SANCHEZ
FROM THE BRONX,
NEW YORK!
WHAT'S NICKY DOING THERE?
TRYING TO CAPTURE
HIS BROTHER IN A FLASK
AND PRESERVE THE BALANCE
OF GOOD AND EVIL ON EARTH.
DID YOU JUST TALK?
NO.
NO.
ARE YOU MIGUEL
FROM THE BRONX?
NO. I'M NICKY
FROM THE SOUTH.
HEY, GIMME THAT!
AAH!
YOU BETTER WIN
THESE PEOPLE SOME FREE PIZZA
'CAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
THEY'RE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER.
ALL RIGHT.
WHO'S THAT MAN, MOMMY?
WHO'S THAT MAN, MOMMY?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT HE SURE IS BUTT-UGLY.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
OH!
OH!
TOO MUCH EVIL.
I THINK
THAT BALL JUST BLEW UP,
AND, YES,
MY HAIR IS AFLAME.
I DON'T KNOW WHA THE HELL THAT WAS.
DON'T DO IT AGAIN, HUH?
ALL RIGHT.
I COMMAND YOU
NOT TO BLOW UP
AND GO INTO
THAT METAL CIRCLE.
AND GO INTO
THAT METAL CIRCLE.
UNH!
NYAH!
HEY!
GET THAT CRAP OUTTA HERE!
[SHOUTING]
I KNOW YOU'RE
HAVING FUN, CASSIUS,
BUT YOU REALLY GOTTA
COME BACK TO HELL.
LOOK AROUND YOU, NICKY.
WE'RE IN HELL.
THE NEW HELL.
HA HA HA!
THE NEW HELL.
HA HA HA!
DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
WHEE!
HA HA HA!
I WAS SENT HERE
TO TAKE YOU BACK
AND THAT'S WHA I'M GONNA DO.
DON'T MAKE ME TAKE OU THE SHOVEL AGAIN, TRICK.
I THINK WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE
A DEVIL SHOWDOWN.
YEAH!
HA HA HA!
YOU KNOW, DAD GOT SICK
WHEN YOU GUYS LEFT.
I'M GLAD HE'S DYING...
'CAUSE IT'S MY TURN NOW.
'CAUSE IT'S MY TURN NOW.
YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU
NEVER SAID THAT.
YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU
NEVER SAID THAT.
TAKE HIM TO THE HOLE, NICKY.
I MEAN, WOOF WOOF.
I MEAN, WOOF WOOF.
COME ON, BROTHER, COME ON!
HA HA!
OH, COME ON!
OH, COME ON!
HA HA HA HA!
DADDY CAN'T HELP YOU!
DADDY CAN'T HELP YOU!
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
ENOUGH!
ENOUGH!
THIS SHOW GETS
BETTER EVERY YEAR!
HA HA HA!
THAT WAS SICK.
WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT SHIT?
SORRY, CASSIUS.
IT MUST BE THE SUPER
DEVIL JUICE DAD GAVE ME.
SUPER DEVIL JUICE?
GIMME THAT, LITTLE GIRL.
DON'T DRINK OUT OF IT,
PLEASE!
[SLURPS]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
NOW THAT WAS SOME STRAIGHT-UP
DAVID COPPERFIELD SHIT!
NOW THAT WAS SOME STRAIGHT-UP
DAVID COPPERFIELD SHIT!
Cassius: DAMN YOU, NICKY!
THERE AIN'T NO SUPER
DEVIL JUICE IN HERE!
HAIL, NICKY!
WE ARE FOREVER
YOUR SLAVES!
WE ARE FOREVER
YOUR SLAVES!
OH, NO, OH, NO
SO YOUR FATHER'S
THE DEVIL...
SI, SENOR.
YOU'RE A TALKING DOG
FROM HELL. YEP.
AND YOU GUYS ARE WHO?
JUST A COUPLE OF
BIG FANS OF NICKY
AND THE WORK
HIS DAD DOES.
HEY, BY THE WAY, NICKY,
CHECK THIS OUT.
[PLAYING RECORD BACKWARD]
WHAT'S OZZY TRYING
TO SAY THERE?
JOHN, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
THE BLIZZARD ALWAYS CAME
STRAIGHT WITH HIS MESSAGES.
BUT WRAP YOUR MINDS
AROUND THIS, GENTLEMEN.
Beefy: OH, NO.
HEH HEH HEH.
CHICAGO.
CHICAGO.
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW
I LOVE THIS SONG.
[PLAYS RECORD BACKWARD]
Record: I COMMAND YOU
IN THE NAME OF LUCIFER
TO SPREAD THE BLOOD
OF THE INNOCENT.
OH, MY GOD,
CHICAGO KICKS ASS!
HA HA HA!
THAT WAS AWESOME.
YOU KNOW, GUYS, THIS CAKE
TASTES A LITTLE FUNNY.
OH, I DUMPED A FAT SACK
OF REEFER IN THE MIX.
THOUGHT I'D SPICE UP
THE BASH.
WHAT'S REEFER?
REALLY?
ABOUT 500 BUCKS AN OUNCE.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
COME ON, NICKY,
ONE MORE TIME.
I CAN'T.
IT'S STARTING TO HURT.
COME ON,
YOU TOTALLY GOT TO!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LAST TIME.
OHH, HERE HE GOES!
OHH, HERE HE GOES!
AHH!
THAT'S INSANE!
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
HA HA HA!
I USED TO GE MESSED UP LIKE THIS
WITH MY FIRS GIRLFRIEND HEATHER.
WE'D GET SO LOOPY,
SHE WOULD FORGE I WAS A DOG.
SHE WAS A HUMAN?
NO. SHE WAS A SEWER RAT.
HA HA HA!
MAN, THAT PISSED
MY PARENTS OFF.
YOU KNOW,
I WAS IN LOVE ONCE,
BUT SHE SAID I WASN' FINANCIALLY RELIABLE
AND SHE NEEDED THAT.
NOW, BY "SHE,"
DO YOU MEAN "HE"?
BUSTED!
NO.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
PLEASE.
HEY, HOW YOU FEELIN' OVER THERE,
SATAN ABDUL-JABBAR?
A LITTLE STRANGE.
I CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT THIS GIRL VALERIE.
WHY? DID SHE HURT YOU?
DO YOU NEED TO CRY
ON MY SHOULDER?
EASY, LIBERACE.
OH, WOULD YOU GROW UP?
LIBERACE.
I WAS HAVING
THE BEST DAY WITH HER
UNTIL ADRIAN
MADE ME TELL HER
SHE HAD
A HEART-SHAPED HEINIE.
MAYBE YOU LOVE HER.
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
I CAN'T EVEN
SEE STRAIGHT.
HA HA HA!
ME, TOO!
HEY, WE GOT TO GET GOING.
YOU GUYS CAN CRASH HERE
IF YOU WANT.
I HAVE AN EXTRA FUTON
IN THE BEDROOM.
THAT'S A BIG PASS,
ELTON JOHN.
[LAUGHTER]
OZZY STARTS IN 30 MINUTES.
MAYBE THAT'LL
CHEER YOU UP, NICKY.
YEAH, LET'S ROLL.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T THINK
I CAN GIVE THE OZZ MAN
THE FULL FOCUS HE DESERVES.
SORRY, FELLAS.
OH. THIS CHICK MUST BE
THE REAL DEAL, THEN.
LATER, BRO.
GOOD-BYE, JOHN.
OK, PETE.
YOU BETTER SNAP OU OF IT SOON, KID,
'CAUSE WE'RE GOING
AFTER ADRIAN TOMORROW
BRIGHT AND EARLY.
NIGHT-NIGHT.
YEAH, I KNOW. GET SOME
SLEEP THING, MR. BEEFY.
[SNORES]
[CHILDREN'S VOICES]
LA LA LA LA LA LA
[SNORES]
LA LA LA LA LA LA
THAT IS THE MOST HORRIFYING
THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.
MAMA, I'M COMING HOME ?
GO TO HER.
GO TO HER.
I'M COMING HOME
I'M COMING HOME
ALL RIGHT.
[SNIFFS]
I SMELL COCONUTS.
U?
I'VE WAITED HERE FOR YOU
COCONUTS.
EVERLONG
[SNIFFS]
TONIGH
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
I--I--I--I--I--I NEED--
I NEED YOU
OH. HELLO.
THAT DUDE
LOOKS LIKE A LADY.
YOU WANT TO COME IN?
ACTUALLY, I'M--I'M LOOKING
FOR A GIRL NAMED VALERIE.
VALERIE VERAN?
TWO FLOORS UP,
ONE WINDOW OVER.
THANKS MUCH.
GOOD LUCK WITH
THE NIPPLE RUBBING.
I DON'T NEED LUCK.
I'M GOOD.
OOH!
I--I CAN SEE THAT.
OOH!
I--I CAN SEE THAT.
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
PARDON ME
WHILE I BURS
AAH!
[GASPS]
OH, MY GOD!
NICKY, IS THAT YOU?
YES.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
I WILL.
I WILL.
HI.
AAH!
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING
COMING HERE?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT DIDN' INVOLVE GOING BLIND.
AAH!
OH, MY GOD! NICKY!
PLEASE DON'T DIE!
PLEASE DON'T DIE!
NICKY?
VALERIE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I--I THINK I'M FLOATING.
WHY WOULD YOU
BE FLOATING?
MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF
THIS CAKE I ATE EARLIER.
AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT BE
FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW?
BECAUSE I AM.
I'M FREAKED OUT, TOO.
THE BUTTERFLIES
IN MY STOMACH
ARE FLAPPING AROUND
IN A WAY
I'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE.
YOU GOT THE WRONG
WINDOW AGAIN, MAN.
OH, SORRY, NIPPLES.
VALERIE!
Valerie:
NICKY, OVER HERE.
I'M COMING.
OH, MY GOD,
YOU MADE IT.
VALERIE, I CAN SEE AGAIN,
AND YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
AAH!
LOOK, JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE FLOATING
DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING
TO FORGET ABOU
YOU GIVING ME THE FINGER.
THAT WASN'T ME.
I WAS BEING POSSESSED
BY MY BROTHER ADRIAN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
POSSESSED?
REMEMBER
WHEN I TOLD YOU
THAT MY FATHER
WAS IN HELL?
YES.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
HE'S THE DEVIL,
AND HE WANTS
TO KEEP HIS THRONE
FOR ANOTHER
AND THAT PISSED OFF
MY BROTHERS,
SO THEY BROKE
THE GATES OF HELL,
WHICH IS MAKING
MY FATHER...
THE DEVIL?
DECOMPOSE.
AND I LOVE MY FATHER
VERY MUCH,
SO I CAME TO EARTH
TO SAVE HIM.
SO I CAME TO EARTH
TO SAVE HIM.
NOW I GE THAT DEEP SOUTH JOKE.
YES!
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
I DON'T KNOW
IF I SHOULD BELIEVE YOU.
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE.
BELIEVE
IN THE BUTTERFLIES.
WAIT. OK. OK, OK,
I BELIEVE.
COME ON. COME BACK UP.
COME ON. COME BACK UP.
TAKE MY HAND, VALERIE.
TAKE MY HAND, VALERIE.
FLY WITH ME.
I CAN GIVE YOU
THE POWER.
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
YOU'RE THE PERFECT ONE
AND I DON'T...
THAT'S THE EMPIRE
STATE BUILDING.
THERE'S POPEYE'S
CHICKEN--RIGHT THERE.
[LAUGHS]
THE HELL BEAS IS ABOVE US,
AND I CAN SMELL
AN EVIL SLUT.
AND I CAN SMELL
AN EVIL SLUT.
WHOA, DEVIL!
DID YOU DO THAT?
NOBODY CALLS MY GIRL
AN EVIL SLUT.
[LAUGHS]
GOOD MORNING, NEW YORK.
THIS IS ANACTION NEWS
SPECIAL REPORT.
A SHOCKING CRIME
RESULTS IN A RECORD
$50 MILLION REWARD
FOR THE CAPTURE
OF THIS MAN.
HIS NAME IS UNKNOWN,
BUT HIS ACTIONS HAVE EARNED
HIM THE LABEL "THE MONSTER."
HE SHOULD BE CONSIDERED
ARMED AND
EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.
THE MAN WHO CAUSED
SUCH A SENSATION
AT THE GAME YESTERDAY
IS NO HERO.
HE IS, IN FACT,
A MASS MURDERER.
THIS IS REAL BAD.
Beefy: WHERE
THE HECK IS NICKY?
I HAVE AUTHORIZED
A REWARD
TO THE PERSON WHO BRINGS
THIS MAN TO ME.
Beefy:
IT'S A SETUP.
Beefy:
IT'S A SETUP.
GOOD MORNING,
YOUNG LADY.
GOOD MORNING,
YOUNG LADY.
AH, HO.
THAT LOOKS LIKE
IT TASTES GREAT.
[LAUGHS]
LOOK AT THAT.
MR. BEEFY
WOULD LIKE YOU.
OH, LOOK.
OH, LOOK.
WELL, I'M ON MY WAY
[SNIFFS]
TO THE CITY LIGHTS
[MAN SPEAKING KOREAN]
[MAN SPEAKING KOREAN]
WELCOME TO HARD TIMES
Girl: THERE HE IS!
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
SO WHEN I REALIZE
WHAT IT TAKES
CAN I RELATE
WITH WHATEVER
BUT NEVER WILL YOU
DRIVE ME TO HATE
BUT NEVER WILL YOU
DRIVE ME TO HATE
[YELLING]
[MAN SINGING
INDISTINCTLY]
[MAN SINGING
INDISTINCTLY]
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
AAH! AAH!
All: WHOA!
All: WHOA!
WAIT. WAIT.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
[PANTING]
[PANTING]
THERE HE IS!
[CROWD YELLING]
[CROWD YELLING]
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
I'M NOT A MONSTER.
[YELLING STOPS]
RELEASE THE EVIL.
RELEASE THE EVIL.
[YELLING]
HEY!
HEY!
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
OH.
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
BEEFY, I THINK
I'M IN TROUBLE.
THE SHIT HAS
HIT THE FAN, KID.
TAKE A LOOK.
THIS VIDEOTAPE
WILL SHOW WHAT HE DID
AFTER HE LEFT THE GAME.
AFTER HE LEFT THE GAME.
Nicky: SAY HELLO
TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.
Nicky: SAY HELLO
TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.
[SCREAMING]
MY NAME IS NICKY,
AND I'M GOING TO KILL ALL
YOU SUCKERS FOR NO REASON.
Nicky: THAT'S NOT ME.
THAT'S THAT COCKROACH
TONY MONTANA.
TONY MONTANA.
IT'S DIFFICUL TO WATCH, I KNOW.
THIS IS ADRIAN'S WORK.
Beefy: HE SUPERIMPOSED
YOUR HEAD
ONTOSCARFACE.
WHICH IS PROBABLY DePALMA'S
THIRD BEST FILM.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HEY!
OH.
I'M NOT NICKY.
Pete: DUDE, IT'S US.
LET US IN.
Nicky: JOHN, PETE.
NICKY.
THERE'S, LIKE, A TOTAL MOB
SCENE COMING THIS WAY.
IT LOOKS LIKE
THEY'RE FOLLOWING
A GIANT TRAIL
OF BUG SHIT.
WHAT DO WE DO
NOW, BEEFY?
I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS A LITTLE
OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
WHAT WOULD
YOUR DAD DO, NICKY?
THAT'S
A GREAT IDEA.
I'LL ASK HIM.
KILL ME.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YES. WE'LL MEET AT GRAND
CENTRAL STATION, NOON.
NOW I COMMAND YOU--
DO ME.
ALL RIGHT!
AAH!
OW!
OW!
THAT JUST HURT A LOT.
STILL ALIVE, THOUGH.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO KILL SOMEONE.
CAN I GIVE IT A TRY?
[SOBBING]
[SOBBING]
DAMN YOU, KEVIN SPACEY!
YOU TAKE ALL MY PARTS!
YOU TAKE ALL MY PARTS!
HEY, YOU LOSE--
ROYAL FLUSH.
OFF WITH THE BRASSIERE.
WHOO. THE LAST TIME I SAW
A PAIR OF JUGS THAT BIG,
WERE BLOWING ON THEM.
AH HA HA HA HA!
AH HA HA HA HA!
Satan: EEE...
EEE...
OH, MY GOD, DAD.
NICKY...
I GOT NO LEGS.
I GOT NO HIPS.
I GOT ONE EAR.
I GOT NO EARS.
NOW HE HASNOEARS.
ARE YOU HAPPY, NICKY?
ADRIAN'S GOT THE WHOLE CITY
FOLLOWING ME.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU, NICKY!
CHECK ONE, TWO.
CHECK ONE, TWO.
PUT IT BACK ON MY HEAD!
HEY, YOU GO UNTIL MIDNIGHT TONIGHT.
NOW YOU GET YOUR ASS
BACK UP THERE,
AND YOU SAVE
YOUR FATHER. GO!
I'M GOING
TO SAVE YOU, DAD.
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
I'M GOING TO SAVE YOU!
GO, THEN!
OHH! MOVE IT!
OHH!
GO, NICKY, GO!
SURE YOU'RE
DOWN WITH THIS?
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
WANT TO PUKE.
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
WANT TO PUKE.
HEY, HEY, FUZZ.
WE KNOW WHERE
TO FIND NICKY.
HEY!
HEY, HEY!
[POLICE TALKING]
[GRUNTING]
Officer: LET'S GO.
HEY.
WHAT'S UP,
POLICE CHIEF?
YOU HAVE WHAT I WANT.
YOU GOT WHAT WE WANT?
Pete: 50 MILLION
BONES, BRO.
Officer: HERE'S
THE MONEY.
WHOA, MY GOD!
Chief: THAT'S HALF OF IT.
YOU GET THE RES WHEN I GET NICKY.
THANKS MUCH.
BUT I GOTTA
WARN YOU, MAN.
HE'S KINDA
NOT HUMAN.
REALLY?
HE MIGHT BE
THE SON OF SATAN.
HE MIGHT BE
THE SON OF SATAN.
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HEH HEH HEH.
HA HA HA!
HEY!
HEY!
WELL, I GUESS I'M GONNA
HAVE TO BE EXTRA CAREFUL,
THEN, AREN'T I?
[CHOKING]
[GROANING]
NOW, WHERE IS HE?
HEY, COME ON,
THAT WAS COOL!
DO IT AGAIN!
DO IT AGAIN!
OUT OF THE WAY!
OUT OF THE WAY!
UHH.
Todd: WHERE IS HE?
HE'S LATE.
HE'LL BE HERE.
JUST KEEP YOUR SKIRT ON.
Pete: THAT'S
WHERE HE COMES OUT OF.
Cop: OVER THERE!
HEY!
Cop: OVER THERE!
HEY!
WE'VE BEEN
RATTED OUT.
WE THOUGH THE SON OF SATAN
WOULD UNDERSTAND
A MOVE LIKE THIS.
Chief: GET THESE TWO
OUT OF HERE.
ALL RIGHT, THIS WAY.
OK, OK!
WHAT IS THIS? A BULLDOG
AND HIS GAY LOVER?
OH, SHUT UP.
[JOHN LAUGHS]
Pete: IT'S TRUE.
JUDAS.
JUDAS PRIEST, MAYBE.
OK, LOOK.
I'M ONLY AN ACTOR.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.
TAKE HIM
TO THE HOLDING AREA.
SEAL OFF
ALL THE EXITS.
Todd: I'M ONLY AN ACTOR!
WHOA. HEH HEH HEH.
YOU WANT TO SEE
SOMETHING COOL?
DEFINITELY.
YEAH.
DEFINITELY.
YEAH.
[AHEM]
[AHEM]
[GROANS]
WHOA.
WHOA.
HO HO HO HO.
PICK ME A WINNER.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
Pete: OH, SICK!
OH, MY GOD,
THAT WAS AWESOME!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
SO, WHAT TIME'S MY
BROTHER EXPECTED BACK?
NOON.
NOON.
ISH.
HEY, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE
NOT REALLY THE CHIEF,
WE STILL GET THE RES OF THE CASH, RIGHT, BRO?
YOU KNOW WHA YOU'LL GET, BOYS?
AN INDESCRIBABLY
HORRIFIC TORTURE
ADMINISTERED BY DEMONS
FOR THE RES OF ETERNITY.
AND WE GET TO KEEP
THE CASH, TOO, RIGHT?
SURE.
WHY NOT.
YOU'RE HURTING ME.
YOU'RE HURTING ME.
SHUT UP.
SHUT UP.
Bum: APPLESAUCE EVERY TIME.
HEY, BOYS!
YOU WANT A BLIZZARD
WITH MY FLIP-FLOP?
NO THANKS,
BUT WE'LL TAKE THA BOTTLE OF BOOZE.
HEH HEH HEH.
BEAT IT, YOU FREAK.
GET OUTTA HERE.
I'LL BE BACK
WITH MY FLIP-FLOP!
I'LL BE BACK
WITH MY FLIP-FLOP!
MMM.
SCHNAPPS.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH.
PEPPERMINT?
HEH HEH HEH.
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT!
John: WANT A HIT?
John: WANT A HIT?
DRINK UP. HERE'S
TO 50 MILLION CLAMS.
TO THE DEFILEMEN OF EARTH
AND THE CORRUPTION
OF ITS PEOPLE.
OK, WHATEVER.
JUST DRINK IT.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
[GULPS]
[GULPS]
Adrian: IT'S AWFULLY HO DOWN HERE.
HOW DO YOU MANAGE
TO STAY SO COOL?
OH, UH...
BEER LOWERS
THE BODY TEMPERATURE.
I READ THAT IN A...
A BEER MAGAZINE.
HEH HEH HEH.
AH. THIS LIQUID WILL
PROBABLY QUENCH MY THIRST.
AH. THIS LIQUID WILL
PROBABLY QUENCH MY THIRST.
COOL ME OFF.
DEFINITELY.
John: IT GIVE YOU
A PRETTY GOOD BUZZ.
John: IT GIVE YOU
A PRETTY GOOD BUZZ.
OR MAYBE IT WILL
TRAP ME INSIDE
FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.
UM...NO, IT WON'T?
OH, NICKY.
I'VE MISSED YOU.
COME OU AND SAY HELLO!
I'M NOT NICKY.
I'M CALLING YOU OUT,
BROTHER!
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
[DEEP VOICE] ADRIAN,
THIS IS VERY PAINFUL.
[GROANING]
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
AHH.
THERE YOU ARE.
I TOLD YOU HE WAS SICK.
OH, HELLO, CASSIUS.
Cassius: ALL RIGHT,
ADRIAN! LET ME OUT!
YOU KNOW, NEW HELL
REALLY ONLY NEEDS
ONE NEW SATAN.
YOU MOTHER FU-
BUT CASSIUS COULD
USE SOME COMPANY
FOR THE RES OF ETERNITY.
FOR THE RES OF ETERNITY.
SO GET IN THE FLASK.
KICK HIS ASS, NICKY.
SLEEP.
YOU GOT IT.
[SNORING]
[SNORING]
[WHINING]
Officer:
HEY, HOLD UP.
SOMEONE'S GOTTA
TAKE A PEE.
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
Cop: THAT DOG'S
GOT SMOKE BALLS!
Cop: THAT DOG'S
GOT SMOKE BALLS!
RUN, BEEFY!
RUN!
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DRINK,
ADRIAN.
OF COURSE I CAN.
OF COURSE I CAN.
[GASPS]
AAAAH!
AAAAH!
OH, IT'S NICKY'S
LITTLE RAGAMUFFIN.
DRINK OR SHE DIES.
UNLIKE YOU,
SHE WON'T COME BACK
FROM WHERE SHE'S GOING.
[PANTING]
LET GO OF HER!
THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME!
[TRAIN APPROACHES]
I HEAR A TRAIN A-COMIN'!
I HEAR A TRAIN A-COMIN'!
ADRIAN, STOP!
DRINK!
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DRINK.
DON'T HURT HER.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DRINK.
DON'T HURT HER.
DON'T DO IT, NICKY!
I HAVE TO, VALERIE.
I HAVE TO, VALERIE.
[VALERIE STRUGGLES]
[PANTING]
[PANTING]
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
AAAAH!
NOW, THAT HUR THE BOTH OF US.
[GROWLS]
AAH! NO!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
VALERIE!
VALERIE!
AAAH!
AAAH!
SEE YOU IN HELL!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
HEY, LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.
YOU CAN GO FOR A SWIM.
HEY.
YOU CAN PLAY THE HARMONICA,
AND YOU CAN CHOKE SOMEONE.
TAKE ME TO MY ROOM.
I WANT TO BE ALONE!
IN YOUR WEAKENED CONDITION,
IF YOU VACATE THE THRONE,
ANY OF YOUR SONS
CAN CLAIM THE SEAT OF POWER
FOR THEIR OWN.
[GROANS] HORSESHIT.
HEY, GOOD NEWS.
ADRIAN'S BACK.
SO I'M GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?
SO I'M GONNA BE ALL RIGHT?
HELLO.
WHERE'S NICKY?
HE CAME WITH YOU
AND CASSIUS, RIGHT?
I CAME THROUGH
THAT GATE ALONE.
SORRY, SIR.
FALSE ALARM.
BOO.
WOULD EVERYONE STOP
PLAYING WITH ME
AND TELL ME WHA MY BROTHER'S UP TO?
AND TELL ME WHA MY BROTHER'S UP TO?
HEY.
HEY.
HEY.
HEY.
I FEEL LIKE A NEWBORN ?
I FEEL LIKE A NEWBORN ?
AND I FEEL LIKE
A NEWBORN
IS IT DAD'S BIRTHDAY?
SO REAL
SO REAL
[GASPS]
THERE HE IS.
HI! OH, I CAN' BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE!
[GASPS] WELCOME.
UP WITH THE SIGN.
UP WITH THE SIGN.
CAN I JUST TELL YOU
I AMSOEXCITED RIGHT NOW.
SO EXCITED!
SHE REALLY IS.
IF YOU COULD POINT ME
TO THE BLACK PALACE NOW,
I REALLY GOTTA
CHECK IN WITH MY DAD.
OH!
HA HA HA.
HA HA HA.
OK. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT YOUR MOM?
MY MOM.
MY BROTHERS TELL ME THA SHE WAS A MOUNTAIN GOAT,
WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN
MY CHRONIC HALITOSIS.
A MOUNTAIN GOAT?
THAT'S REALLY SWEET.
JENNA, CHAIR.
JENNA, CHAIR.
THANKS.
THANKS.
MY MOTHER WASN'T A GOAT?
TRY AN ANGEL.
AN ANGEL?
AN ANGEL?
I'M YOUR MOM.
I'M YOUR MOM.
IF YOU'RE MY MOM,
THEN HOW COME
YOU'RE NOT OLDER?
ANGELS DON'T GE ANY OLDER, SON.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
JUST CALLED HIM "SON."
[GASPS] THIS IS SO WILD!
[GIGGLING AND SCREAMING]
[GIGGLING AND SCREAMING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
JENNA, CHRISTA.
TIME FOR
YOUR MAMBO LESSON.
CHUBBS, I'M SO SORRY.
I TOTALLY SPACED.
I HAVE COMPANY.
THIS IS MY SON NICKY.
HI.
HI.
CHUBBS USED TO BE
A GOLF PRO,
BUT UP HERE HE'S JUS THE DOPEST DANCE INSTRUCTOR.
AH, THAT'S NICE.
YOU MAMBO?
I DON' THINK SO.
IT'S ALL IN THE HIPS.
IT'S ALL IN THE HIPS.
BYE, CHUBBS.
ALL IN THE HIPS, YEAH!
NOBODY IN THIS ROOM WILL
TELL YOU A THING, ADRIAN.
RIGHT!
OH, OH!
HEY, LET HIM GO!
HEY, LET HIM GO!
PERHAPS A TITTY-TWISTER
WILL LOOSEN YOUR LIPS.
NO, NO.
AAAAH!
OOH, HEY,
I'M GETTIN' TURNED ON.
OK, OK! ALL I KNOW...
YES?
THAT IF YOU
SIT ON THAT THRONE
IN YOUR FATHER'S
WEAKENED CONDITION-
TIT-HEAD, NO!
YOU CAN CLAIM
THE SEAT OF POWER
FOR YOUR OWN.
WHOA! AAAH!
FOR YOUR OWN.
WHOA! AAAH!
REALLY?
AS THE FOUNDER OF HELL,
I COMMAND YOU
TO STAY OFF THAT THRONE!
HEY!
EVEN IN HELL
I GET NO RESPECT.
PUT ME DOWN.
PUT ME DOWN!
NO!
NO!
OHH!
OHH!
KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKE ??
NOW WHO'S THE LIGH AND WHO IS THE DEVIL
YOU CAN'T DECIDE,
SO I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE
I'M GONNA BE THE ONE
THAT'S TAKIN' OVER
NOW THIS IS WHAT IT'S L
IKE WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE
UNTIL YOU'RE
BACK HERE, BABY
[GIGGLING]
SO WHERE DID YOU
MEET DAD?
OH, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO
AT THIS HEAVEN-HELL MIXER.
I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT.
YOU HAD, LIKE,
AT FIRST I DIDN' REALLY LIKE HIM.
HE WAS REALLY
CONCEITED.
YEAH, BUT HE WAS FUNNY.
AND I HATE TO ADMIT IT,
BUT HE HAD A REALLY HOT BODY.
[GIGGLING]
[DOG BARKING]
OH, PUPPY PHONE.
IT'S SO CUTE.
HELLO?
HI, MICHELLE.
YEAH, HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S HOT.
HE'S MY SON, YOU PERV.
CAN I CALL YOU BACK?
[BARK]
THAT WAS MY FRIEND
MICHELLE.
SHE SAYS HI.
SAY HI BACK.
[BARK]
I'LL JUST CALL HER LATER.
YOU KNOW, NICKY,
WE TOTALLY SAW YOU SAVE
YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S LIFE.
THAT WASSOCOOL.
YEAH, THAT'S WHY YOU CAME
TO HEAVEN INSTEAD OF HELL.
SELF-SACRIFICE
AUTOMATICALLY GETS YOU HERE.
HOW DID YOU SEE ME?
WE CAN SEE ANYTHING THAT'S
GOING ON ON EARTH. LOOK.
WE CAN SEE ANYTHING THAT'S
GOING ON ON EARTH. LOOK.
SOMEONE ELSE IS TAKING
THE INTERNSHIP.
OH, THAT'SFELICITY.
I LOVE THAT SHOW.
DO YOU WATCH?
I HAVEN'T SEEN IT,
BUT I HEAR GOOD THINGS.
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO COLORADO.
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO COLORADO.
THIS IS ANACTION NEWS
SPECIAL REPORT.
MOMENTS AGO, A LARGE CHUNK
OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE HELL
BEGAN TO RISE
FROM BENEATH CENTRAL PARK.
FAR FROM BEING TERRIFIED,
MANY NEW YORKERS HAVE BEGUN
FLOCKING TO THE SITE,
TURNING IT INTO
AN UNOFFICIAL PARTY CENTRAL.
AND THIS JUST IN...
I'M CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND
WITH THE WEATHERMAN.
I'M CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND
WITH THE WEATHERMAN.
SHOW HIM CENTRAL PARK.
I LOVE YOUR LEGS.
I LOVE YOUR LEGS.
[CHEERING AND YELLING]
[CHEERING AND YELLING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
Adrian: YEAH!
HA HA HA HA!
Nicky: THAT'S
MY FATHER'S THRONE!
IS DAD OK?
LET'S SEE.
I WAS A GOOD DEVIL,
WASN'T I?
YOU WERE
THE BEST DEVIL, SIR!
THE BEST DEVIL!
IF WE FALL IN THERE,
WE WILL DIE. PERIOD.
MY UNDERWEAR IS SO FAR
UP MY ASS I COULD TASTE IT.
I HEAR THAT.
[MOANING]
Adrian:
WELCOME TO THE PARTY!
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
IT'S SO NICE
TO SEE YOU ALL HERE.
[GROANS]
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
YOU'VE TAKEN TO SIN
WITH SUCH MINIMAL PROMPTING.
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
YOU'RE ACTING AS IF
THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL.
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
THERE IS MOST DEFINITELY
A HELL.
Everybody: WHAT?
AND YOU'RE ALL GOING
TO GO THERE WHEN YOU DIE.
WHICH IS IN ABOUT...
HOLY SHIT,
WE REALLY ARE GONNA DIE!
[SCREAMING AND YELLING]
[SCREAMING AND YELLING]
AAAH!
I'M REALLY BURNING NOW!
WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO?
I GOTTA HELP HER.
I GOTTA HELP DAD.
I GOTTA HELP EVERYBODY.
AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT,
MY FATHER WILL BE
COMPLETELY DETERIORATED,
AND ALL YOUR SOULS
WILL BE MINE.
SOON YOU WILL SEE THINGS
MORE HORRIBLE
THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE
MORE HORRIBLE
THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE
I-I-I-I-I ?
WELL, MAYBE NO THAT HORRIBLE,
BUT STILL PRETTY BAD.
[MOANING]
SO, WHILE WE WAIT,
FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT,
I BRING YOU
A DEAR, SWEET MAN-
MR. HENRY WINKLER.
[CROWD CHEERS]
GOOD EVENING.
COVERED IN BEES!
[BUZZING]
AAAAH!
EEW!
HOW CAN I WIN?
ADRIAN IS STRONGER
AND SMARTER THAN ME.
STRONGER, YES.
SMARTER...DEFINITELY.
BUT YOU HAVE SOMETHING
THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE.
A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT?
NO!
THE INNER LIGHT, HONEY.
AND YOU CAN TOTALLY USE IT.
IT'S THE BEST POWER OF ALL.
I DO?
AND GOD TOLD ME
IF YOU GE IN REALLY BAD TROUBLE,
YOU CAN USE THIS.
WHAT IS IT?
OK, I'M NO TOTALLY 100% ON THAT,
BUT GOD SAID
WHEN THE TIME CAME,
YOU'D KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
GOD'S SO SMART.
LIKEJEOPARDY! SMART.
[SIGHS]
MMM.
MMM.
MY LITTLE BOY.
MOMMY...
GET ME
TO THE BIG APPLE,
'CAUSE I'M GONNA
ROCK THAT TOWN
LIKE A HURRICANE.
YOU'RE ALREADY THERE.
BYE, NICKY.
BYE, MOM.
BYE.
BYE, GUYS.
BYE.
BYE, GUYS.
BYE.
Demons: NICKY!
[YELLING]
[YELLING]
[YELLS ORDERS]
RELEASE THE GOOD.
RELEASE THE GOOD.
AHHH.
[DEMONS YELLING]
RELEASE THE GOOD.
RELEASE THE GOOD.
YES, THEY'RE FURRY.
Demons: BUNNY, BUNNY,
BUNNY, BUNNY.
RELEASE THE AWESOME.
RELEASE THE AWESOME.
Nicky: WHAT YOU DO IS
PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH
AND LET THE MEAT SLIDE
DOWN YOUR THROAT HOLE.
AND LET THE MEAT SLIDE
DOWN YOUR THROAT HOLE.
NOT YOU, NOT YOU!
NOT YOU, NOT YOU!
POPEYE'S CHICKEN
IS THE SHIZZNEY!
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
HERE I AM
ROCK YOU
LIKE A HURRICANE
ROCK YOU
LIKE A HURRICANE
HERE I AM
[ADRIAN LAUGHING]
[ADRIAN LAUGHING]
YOU KNOW,
FROM THIS ANGLE,
YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.
YOU THINK SO?
YOU THINK SO?
OH, MY GOD.
HE JUST OPENED
HIS MOUTH
AND SWALLOWED
THAT SPIT.
OH, THAT TURN YOU ON
THERE, RuPAUL? HEH HEH.
[JOHN AND PETE LAUGHING]
[SNIFFING]
[FLAPPING]
[FLAPPING]
[BLOWS]
Nicky: EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
Nicky: EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
LITTLE NICKY.
YEAH, NICKY!
NICKY!
I KNEW YOU
WOULD MAKE IT!
Nicky: ADRIAN...
I'M ASKING YOU NICELY.
LET MY FRIENDS ALONE,
AND GET IN THE FLASK.
IS THIS A JOKE?
NO, IT'S
THE INNER LIGHT,
AND WITH IT, WE CAN
DEFEAT WHATEVER YOU GOT.
IT'S TRUE!
IT'S TRUE!
AAH!
AAH!
IT'S NOT TRUE!
IT'S NOT TRUE!
[CLUCK CLUCK]
Adrian: RUN, TRAITORS, RUN!
OK, ADRIAN.
YOU'VE LEFT ME
NO CHOICE.
YOU'VE LEFT ME
NO CHOICE.
WHOA!
WHOA!
[CHEERING]
Adrian: AH, TH-TH-TH-TH.
Adrian: AH, TH-TH-TH-TH.
LEAVE THIS TO ME.
LEAVE THIS TO ME.
LET'S SEE
WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
OK.
OK.
Crowd: WHOA.
Crowd: WHOA.
[HISS]
[CROWD GROANS]
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA HA HA.
Crowd: OOOH.
Crowd: OOOH.
[MOWER BUZZES]
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
[COOS]
AW.
AW.
AAH HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA HA HA.
AAAH!
HEY.
HEY.
Crowd: AHH.
Crowd: AHH.
ENOUGH!
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU
WITH MY BARE HANDS.
I'M READY FOR YOU.
I'M READY FOR YOU.
I GUESS I WASN'T READY.
I GUESS I WASN'T READY.
[VIBRATED YELLING]
[VIBRATED YELLING]
AAAH!
AAAH!
I TOTALLY HAD TO DO THAT.
YAY!
HELL, YEAH, YOU DID.
GREAT JOB!
THAT'S GREAT!
THANKS, MOM!
EE-YAH!
AAH!
AAH!
UNH!
NOW, I'M GONNA
ASK YOU NICELY.
GET IN THE FLA-
OHH!
OH, YOU WAN A PILLOW FIGHT, DO YOU?
WELL, LET'S LE THE FEATHERS FLY.
WELL, LET'S LE THE FEATHERS FLY.
COME ON, NOW.
COME ON, NOW.
COME ON.
COME ON.
I'M RIGHT HERE.
WHERE AM I GOING
WITH IT, BABY?
HERE I AM.
[MUTTERING]
[MUTTERING]
[GRUNTS]
I'M SLEEPING.
[SNORING]
OR AM I?
OR AM I?
[CHEERING]
THANKS, MR. WINKLER.
NOW, I'M ASKING YOU
ONE LAST TIME.
GET IN THE FLASK.
A LITTLE HELP HERE,
PLEASE.
A LITTLE HELP HERE,
PLEASE.
UNH, PLEASE!
DON'T DO THIS! NO!
DON'T DO THIS! NO!
[WHINING]
[WHINING]
GOOD-BYE, NICKY.
AHHH.
AHHH.
AAAH!
AAAH!
NO! WHOA!
OW!
Cassius:
NICE TO SEE YOU, BROTHERS.
NOW I'M GONNA BUST BOTH
OF YOUR HEADS WIDE OPEN!
Adrian: NO, NO!
[GRUNTING AND HITTING]
[ADRIAN GROANING]
[SMACKING AND GRUNTING]
COME ON!
GET 'EM, NICKY!
FIGHT 'EM, NICK!
YOU CAN DO IT, NICKY!
[GROANING]
KICK HIM
IN HIS HAIRY BALLS!
Nicky: GOOD IDEA.
[GROANING]
[CHEERING]
Nicky: ONE DOWN,
ONE TO GO, ADRIAN.
Adrian:
YOU'VE ASKED FOR THIS.
TIME FOR THE SHOVEL!
Nicky: BRING IT ON!
[GRUNTING]
KILL HIM, ADRIAN!
SHUT UP!
GET HIM, NICKY!
Adrian: LET GO OF ME!
Adrian: LET GO OF ME!
[PRAYING]
[PRAYING]
Nicky: AAAH.
[GRUNTING]
Valerie: NICKY!
Valerie: NICKY!
YAY!
YAY!
[CHEERING]
OH, YEAH!
WOO-HOO!
NICKY!
NICKY!
HOW DID A NICE
SOUTHERN BOY LIKE YOU
LEARN TO FIGH LIKE THAT?
I GUESS FROM MY FATHER'S
SIDE OF THE FAMILY.
[GIGGLING]
[GIGGLING]
Crowd: AWW.
Crowd: AWW.
[RESISTING] MMMM!
UH-OH.
[ADRIAN'S VOICE]
WHAT? NO TONGUE?
[VALERIE SCREAMS]
[VALERIE SCREAMS]
[SQUEAKING]
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!
Pete: THAT IS WICKED!
HA HA HA HA!
WHOO!
WHOO!
HA HA HA! NOT LONG NOW!
[CROWD GROANS]
[GASPS] WHOO.
YOU GOTTA FLY OUT.
SOON IT WILL ALL BE MINE!
NICKY! I KNOW
YOU CAN DO IT.
RUN, RUN!
DO IT FOR
THE BUTTERFLIES.
Nicky: BUTTERFLIES?
Nicky: BUTTERFLIES?
OH, THE POWER OF GOOD
LETS YOU FLY OUT.
WELL, YOU'RE
TOO LATE, NICKY!
WELL, YOU'RE
TOO LATE, NICKY!
BEHOLD YOUR NEW SATAN!
BEHOLD YOUR NEW SATAN!
WHAT--WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S WITH THE BALL?
WHAT--WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S WITH THE BALL?
HA HA HA HA HA!
OZZY?
HOLY SHIT.
HOLY SHIT.
NOT--NO, NO, NO, NO!
YOU CAN DO IT, OZZY!
BITE HIS FRICKIN' HEAD OFF!
NO!
NO!
SPIT HIM
IN THE FLASK!
Valerie:
HERE YOU GO, OZZY.
AAAH!
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
GRAND CENTRAL, NICKY!
Todd: START RUNNING.
NEVER MAKE IT.
YOU'VE GOTTA DIE.
I'LL JUST GO TO HEAVEN.
NOT IF YOU DO SOMETHING BAD
RIGHT BEFORE YOU DIE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
HEY, NICKY!
COVER WINKLER IN BEES!
YOU CAN DO IT!
YOU CAN DO IT!
SORRY, HENRY.
AAAH!
[BUZZING]
OK, DO ME!
WITH WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
HERE. KILL HIM
WITH THIS.
HA HA HA!
I'LL NEVER
FORGET YOU, GUYS.
AND WE WILL NEVER
FORGET YOU, MY FRIEND.
[SOBBING]
[SOBBING]
VALERIE?
[GRUNTS]
[WHISPERING]
I love you.
And I love you, Nicky.
And I love you, Nicky.
I GOT THEM, DAD!
I DID IT!
I DID IT, DADDY!
[MOANING]
[MOANING]
UNHOLINESS,
YOU'RE BACK!
WOO-HOO! HA HA!
YOU LOOK GREAT!
IT'S ALL
IN THE HIPS, HEY
IT'S ALL IN THE HIPS
HA HA HA!
Nicky: DAD! DAD!
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!
YOU CAME THROUGH,
NICKY.
I CAME THROUGH
FOR YOU, DAD,
AND I CAME
THROUGH FOR MOM
AND THE BUTTERFLIES.
YOU'RE BACK
IN HELL NOW, KID.
THERE ARE
NO BUTTERFLIES HERE.
IF YOU WANT BUTTERFLIES,
YOU NEED TO BE ON EARTH.
WHAT ABOUT YOU
AND GRANDPA
AND EVERYBODY
IN HELL?
NICKY...
I LET MY BUTTERFLIES DIE
ONCE UPON A TIME,
AND IT'S NEVER
STOPPED HURTING.
AND IT'S NEVER
STOPPED HURTING.
THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU HEARD ME, HOLLY.
WHAT?
I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!
OH, MY GOD,
HE'S TALKING ABOUT ME.
AND DON'T THINK I FORGO ABOUT HOWCRAZYYOU GE
AFTER A FEW DAIQUIRIS.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
[SIGHS]
THAT GUY IS STILL
THE BIGGEST HORNDOG.
YEAH, HE IS.
YEAH, HE IS.
LISTEN, I GOT DOWN LOW.
YOUR MOM'S GOT UP HIGH.
YOU TAKE CARE OF THE MIDDLE.
OK, DAD.
BUT...
IN THE WORDS
OF MOTLEY CRUE,
THIS WILL ALWAYS BE
MY HOME SWEET HOME.
DON'T BE AFRAID
TO SHOW YOUR FACE.
YOU'RE SUCH A HANDSOME BOY.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
I HATE TO INTERRUPT,
BUT, UH, HA HA,
IT'S TIME FOR
HITLER'S PUNISHMENT.
Lucifer: HO HO,
I'LL TAKE THAT.
Adrian: MAYBE THEY'RE
GONNA LET US OUT.
GRANDPA!
OK, KIDS.
ENJOY YOUR NEW HOME!
Cassius and Adrian:
NO, NO, NO, NO!
[FARTS AND SCREAMS]
HOLY SHNIT! OHH!
HOLY SHNIT! OHH!
[GIGGLING]
[GIGGLING]
LIVIN' EASY
SUCH A LITTLE ANGEL.
SUCH A LITTLE ANGEL.
ONLY A QUARTER, MA'AM.
ONLY A QUARTER, MA'AM.
TICKLE, TICKLE, TICKLE.
TICKLE, TICKLE, TICKLE.
AAAH!
Nicky: SORRY.
TAKIN' EVERYTHING
IN MY STRIDE
DON'T NEED REASON
DON'T NEED RHYME
AIN'T NOTHIN'
I'D RATHER DO
GOIN' DOWN
PARTY TIME
MY FRIENDS
ARE GONNA BE THERE, TOO
MY FRIENDS
ARE GONNA BE THERE, TOO
I'M ON A HIGHWAY TO HEL
L
ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
HIGHWAY TO HELL?
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
NO STOP SIGNS
SPEED LIMI
NOBODY'S GONNA
SLOW ME DOWN
LIKE A WHEEL
GONNA SPIN I
NOBODY'S GONNA
MESS ME 'ROUND
HEY, SATAN
PAID MY DUES
PLAYIN' IN A ROCKIN' BAND ?
HEY, MAMA
LOOK AT ME
I'M ON MY WAY
TO THE PROMISED LAND
WHOA
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
HIGHWAY TO HELL?
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL
HIGHWAY TO HELL?
MMM
MMM
HEY, HEY
HEY, HEY
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL
OF HARD KNOCKS
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK ?
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK ?
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS ?
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCK
GRADUATED 13, THE STREE
TS MADE ME A SCHOLAR
IN FRONT OF THE MICROPHONE,
ONE BY ONE, HEAR 'EM HOLLER
THE SURE SHOT THAT ROCKS
WHY, BLASTIN' BEATBOX
ON MY SIDEWALK
BE HIP-HOPALONG CASSIDY
GRAPHIC CATASTROPHE,
BUT ONLY TIME WILL TELL
COULD WE EXCEL,
ROCK HELL LIKE LL
MADE ME FEEL I WAS ILL,
MUSIC EUPHORIA
WENT TO THE DOC, THE D. O. C.
GAVE ME THE FORMULA
HEY, YOUNG WORLD,
THE WORLD IS YOURS
TURN THE WHOLE WIDE WOR
LD INTO METAPHORS
YOU KEPT THE STRENGTH
WHEN TIMES GOT HARD
SO LET ME REMINISCE
OVER YOU, MY GOD
SO LET ME REMINISCE
OVER YOU, MY GOD
OLD SCHOOL
BRING IT BACK
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS ?
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
WE FROM THE SCHOOL
THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS ?
WHO'S READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
READY TO ROCK
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
ROUNDIN' THOSE SUCKERS
UP AROUND THE BLOCKS
SHH.
SHH.
YEAH, BRINGING YOU ANO HER DISTURBING CREATION
FROM THE MIND
OF ONE SICK ANIMAL
WHO CAN'T TELL THE DIFFEREN
CE AND GETS STUPIFIED
WHO CAN'T TELL THE DIFFEREN
CE AND GETS STUPIFIED
I'VE BEEN
WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE
FOR JUST ONE FUCK
AND ALL I NEEDED
WAS JUST ONE FUCK
HOW CAN YOU SAY THA YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK
I FIND MYSELF STUPIFIED
, COMING BACK AGAIN
ALL I WANTED
WAS JUST ONE FUCK
ONE TINY, LITTLE,
INNOCENT FUCK
AND WHEN I FEEL LIKE
I'M SHIT OUT OF LUCK
I FIND MYSELF STUPIFIED
, COMING BACK AGAIN
WHY DO YOU LIKE
PLAYING AROUND WITH
MY NARROW SCOPE
OF REALITY
I CAN FEEL I ALL START SLIPPING
I THINK I'M BREAKING DOWN ?
WHY DO YOU LIKE
PLAYING AROUND WITH
MY NARROW SCOPE
OF REALITY
I CAN FEEL I ALL START SLIPPING AWAY
SEE, BUT I DON'T GET I
DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE
WE COULD PUT IT ON CREDI
DON'T YOU THINK
IT CAN TAKE CONTROL
WHEN I DON'T LET IT ?
I GET STUPIFIED
IT'S ALL THE SAME
YOU SAY LIVE WITH I
BUT I DON'T GET I
DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE
WE COULD PUT IT ON CREDI
DON'T YOU THINK
IT CAN TAKE CONTROL
WHEN I DON'T LET IT ?
I GET STUPIFIED
I GET STUPIFIED ?
I GET STUPIFIED ?
AND DON'T DENY ME
NO, BABY, NOW
DON'T DENY ME
AND, DARLIN',
DON'T BE AFRAID
AND, DARLIN',
DON'T BE AFRAID
BUT I DON'T GET I
DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE
WE COULD PUT IT ON CREDI
DON'T YOU THINK
IT CAN TAKE CONTROL
WHEN I DON'T LET IT ?
I GET STUPIFIED
I GET STUPIFIED
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE,
STARE IN MY SOUL
LOOK IN MY FACE
LOOK IN MY FACE
LOOK IN MY FACE
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I BEGIN TO STUPIFY
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
INTO A FLY
INTO A FLY
I LOOKED AWAY
I LOOKED AWAY
YOU WERE ON FIRE
YOU WERE ON FIRE
I WATCHED A CHANGE
IN YOU
IT'S LIKE
YOU NEVER HAD WINGS
NOW YOU FEEL
SO ALIVE
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
I'VE WATCHED YOU CHANGE
IT'S LIKE
YOU NEVER HAD WINGS
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH--AH
AH--AH
AH--AH
I TAUGHT YOU
HOW TO STAND
I TAUGHT YOU
HOW TO STAND
WHEN THE WORMS
ARE TALKING LOUD
WHEN THE WORMS
ARE TALKING LOUD
SOBBING BULLS
LAY DOWN AND SCREAM
SOBBING BULLS
LAY DOWN AND SCREAM
DOESN'T MEAN
I'M BREAKING MY VOWS
DOESN'T MEAN
I'M BREAKING MY VOWS
OH, NO
ALWAYS IGNORED
ALWAYS IGNORED
THOUGHT AFTER ALL
THAT I'D BE RICH
THOUGHT AFTER ALL
THAT I'D BE RICH
I MUST SAY I'VE NEVER
BEEN TO MEDITATE
THAT IS SOMETHING
THAT I WON'T NEED
THAT IS SOMETHING
THAT I WON'T NEED
YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT I HESITATE
YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT I HESITATE
WHAT FOR?
BEING BORED
OH, NO
ALWAYS IGNORED