Little Siberia (2025) Movie Script
He's hurrying to his girl
The lively boy
With a twinkle in their eyes
They shake hands
The summer night is so beautiful
Somewhere far away,
there was an explosion.
And it came to me.
13 BILLION YEARS EARLIER
6 BILLION YEARS EARLIER
800 MILLION YEARS EARLIER
40 MILLION YEARS EARLIER
7 MILLION YEARS EARLIER
42 YEARS EARLIER
178 DAYS EARLIER
97 DAYS EARLIER
68 DAYS EARLIER
54 DAYS EARLIER
37 DAYS EARLIER
25 DAYS EARLIER
14 DAYS EARLIER
CHARMSVILLE
-Ouch. Wait. My hair.
-What?
-My arm's going numb.
-Okay.
-See if there's anything harder.
-Something even harder?
-So the swimmers won't escape.
-Hold on.
This is hard. Will it do?
A miraculous moment.
A sign from your boss?
Let's get some sleep.
Babies babies babies
Some consider them small miracles.
The world's population
will be 11.9 billion by the end of 2100.
Imagine the number of people.
All the billions of babies.
Babies instead of grasshoppers.
Swarming everywhere.
What is God's plan?
Eleven point what?
Eleven point nine billion.
That's a lot of babies.
And everything else,
in addition to the babies.
Pandemics, polar ice caps, all that.
What's happening?
Are we getting destroyed?
Has the Lord said anything?
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
We're actually out of time.
Right. Another hour gone.
Thank you, Pastor.
It was helpful to talk.
-I feel better now.
-Matias!
There's fresh coffee?
Thank you, Pirkko.
I could use some coffee.
Yeah, that meteorite fell from the sky.
That's where they usually fall from.
Yes. From heaven.
From there.
From God.
Or from outer space.
I hear it's worth millions.
There are leftover buns in the office.
-All right. That's nice.
-Great.
The villagers are nuts about it.
Perhaps there was life.
Then their globe exploded and
They were eating chocolate eggs
on Easter and jumping on the trampoline.
Boom. Just a sea of flames.
Let's talk about that next time.
It's good you're feeling better now.
Matias. I've tried a new recipe.
-Right.
-Whipped cream and jam on a bun.
By the way,
have you read about Ebola phase two?
Not at all, actually.
LITTLE SIBERIA
The door's open. Come on in. Go ahead.
-What's up, Pastor? It's a cold day.
-Yeah.
You're probably not used
to temperatures quite this cold.
I have a question. What the hell?
Well, gentlemen. What is this?
What do you think it is?
Maybe a moose?
Rystinen has a sense of humor.
The hunting season's been over
for a month now.
He jumped in front of the car.
-Depressed and suicidal.
-Come inside!
There's buns and coffee.
And I didn't bake them. Don't worry.
-They're meteorite buns.
-A suicidal moose.
I meant to say that the meteorite
It'll be taken to London
for an evaluation in five days.
-But I
-Hello! Yeah, there are buns!
Thank you.
But I have a feeling that someone
has been sneaking around the museum.
I have retirees on night guard.
They barely stay awake during the day.
I need someone competent. A soldier.
Help me, Joel.
-Help me. Please.
-No, no.
Joel. That rock is
the future of this village.
It's the future of my shop.
People from Japan,
Nigeria, China, America, India
Hey. The Lord is testing us.
we want them here. Growing economies.
-Hello, everyone.
-Hello there.
And that means money.
That's why I invited you all here.
Entrepreneurs, the soul of the village.
The election's over. Get to the point!
That rock is our future.
Have you been a bad boy?
Big thanks to the Veterans Association
for keeping watch at night.
Why won't we sell the rock?
No. Let's brainstorm ideas on how
to benefit from this celestial body.
That rock is mine.
It fell into my car.
-I own that land. It's an ore deposit.
-No one owns celestial bodies.
Let's make this fun. There's a meteorite
drawing contest at Golden Moon.
The winning drawing will be used
to build a meteorite monument.
If we leave now, do we get any buns?
-Let's listen. It's good.
-Let's listen. It's good.
Hold this, honey. There are
-Please stop, honey.
-No, it's going so well
Books on Japanese culture.
Let's all learn
how to bow correctly together.
Like this. Hai.
Stop there.
Let's have some hot chocolate.
This is a good spot.
You mean Charmsville?
Yeah, well Charmsville. The Earth.
But didn't you call it, and I quote,
"one-horse town in a pig's rear end"?
I didn't mean it quite like that.
-So, a rear-end town, but in a good way.
-Oh Lord.
Right. This is the Earth.
Charmsville.
Venus is around there.
This would be Mars, this Jupiter.
An asteroid cloud in between.
The Andromeda Galaxy and infinity.
And then, right there.
What is it?
Well I'm pregnant.
-Pregnant?
-I'm pregnant.
-Pregnant?
-Very pregnant.
Wow.
CHARMSVILLE KINDERGARTEN
Bye, core of my universe.
Will you pick me up?
-At four.
-Yes. Great.
-See you.
-Bye.
Some years ago,
I served as a peacekeeper, and
I was injured by a mine.
Pain, nightmares, trouble sleeping.
Not good.
I was hit pretty bad.
Including
my testicles.
-Not good.
-Right.
Back then, the diagnosis
was that I can't have children.
-Not good.
-But now
And you haven't told your wife.
Oh dear. Not good.
-I thought I should double-check.
-Good! Let's double-check.
Can you get a full erection?
What? Yes. Unless
-How much is missing?
-Not much. Just
This much?
-Well, no
-Then this much?
I mean No, no, no.
More than that. Hold on. Let me try.
It isn't
Like
Like that.
Not good.
What do you mean? Does the angle matter?
No.
I've just never met a man
with shrapnel in his balls.
Sperm in the cup.
And boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom
Pose for the audience.
And up, down and down.
-And
-So
Let me see.
Boom.
Just like that?
Here's the punch bowl.
-I have to go. Joel is
-Yes.
Everyone's having a great time,
even if they don't say it.
People love the class.
Thanks for doing it!
-That's wonderful.
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
-Such a wonderful person.
Hi!
Why did Pirkko have our punch bowl?
We had a party
when you traveled to the seminar.
You should have seen it.
Pirkko owned the dance floor.
You mean Pirkko, the fundamentalist?
"Spotless office" Pirkko?
That's right. I don't think
you've got much altar wine left.
Was there anyone else at the party?
Or was it a ladies' dance?
I mean, was Rystinen there?
Ladies' dance?
If something happens
in the village, people will show up.
Dancing can't be good for the baby.
It's good exercise.
It's also my career, remember?
Or whatever is left of it
after following you into the backwoods.
Sorry. I didn't mean that. I just
Okay.
I've been meaning to tell you
For a while now, actually
That
Well?
I'll go
I'll help with the meteorite.
Can't we discuss these things?
Four nights.
Hang out with Party Pirkko if you like.
There's a limit to how many
'90s techno hits I can handle.
A Dr. Alban or two keeps the boredom away.
No way.
It's actually quite cold out here.
I probably shouldn't be slipping
on ice while pregnant.
I'd better take the car.
You'll make it to the museum.
It's good exercise, honey.
Break gently like this.
Around here, we're born
with a kick sled in our hands.
You'll learn.
Hi.
Tarvainen sure is persistent.
He's been trying to get a monument
on the traffic island for a decade.
He calls me drunk about it once a month.
A monument?
To honor him and his co-driver.
Now he has moved on
to the meteorite instead.
How do you feel about the government
covering up the meteorite
-Yes. Everything is fine.
-Can't we sell it for the locals?
That's right. Welcome. Yes.
Just think about the lines next summer.
Grab that.
Only night-lights at night.
Exchange electricity price is sky-high.
I've worked hard for this exhibition.
Rifles and grenades. And this cutie here.
Thank God for eBay.
Too cheap not to buy them.
Just look at this.
We should bring the rock
to church on Sunday.
Hell no.
Good morning, Hannes. How's your shift?
I was just resting my eyes.
You shouldn't sleep during your shift.
Pastor, isn't this meteorite
a sign of something? Like a miracle.
Miracles seem to be going around.
"The beloved meteorite of Charmsville
is a rock fallen from space."
"Its net worth is approximately"
"One million euros."
Did You send it?
Is it a message about something?
What?
I could really use
a small sign of your existence.
To know whether you sent it.
Give me something.
Do you know what love feels like?
We were once on a pilgrimage in Bethlehem.
Krista disappeared into the crowd.
She was wearing this super pretty,
long summer dress with no pockets,
so I had her passport,
phone, and everything else.
I looked for her,
but there were so many people.
Eventually, I ended up in a coffee shop.
Krista was there.
She was laughing happily with the owner.
Krista looked at me
as if nothing had happened and said,
"What is it? I knew you'd find me, love."
Wait. Let me fix it.
I thought it was broken.
Nothing works around here.
Just leave it.
Did you have something in mind?
-We need to talk.
-About what?
-Can't I take a look at the meteorite?
-Just go home.
-The museum opens in the morning.
-Yeah.
At nine.
-Just a quick look.
-No.
Let go, now. Let go
Sorry. Old habits are hard to kick.
Let's talk tomorrow.
Ouch! Wrong tires. God damn it.
Tarvainen, the champion!
Tarvainen, the champion.
What?
So, they took a grenade.
Yeah. I suspect the meteorite was their
I mean, it was dark,
and I interrupted them, so
I guess one could use a grenade
to rob a bank, for example.
-Banks don't hold cash anymore.
-Wonderful. Everything is all right.
-Except for the burglar.
-Right.
-No point in looking for dental records.
-Right. Of course.
There may have been three or four
in addition to the one who exploded.
-There was only one body in the car.
-Right.
I could smell one of them.
One of them must have a cut
from the broken window.
Right, but I'd like to know why there's
a working grenade at the museum.
Right. It Well
-And what about this other one?
-They should be
The seller said it's deactivated.
We've got the papers for it.
Say, is that rust?
Some paint, and it's as good as new.
So, pirouettes with a baby carrier
For sure. What? The baby will be sleeping.
What happened to you?
Apparently, a bank robber wanted
to blow themselves up with a grenade.
I've got my consultation hours.
Are you serious?
Joel. You can't go to work in that state.
Have you slept at all?
A layer of ash. The Yellowstone Caldera.
An underground super-volcano
erupts regularly.
The previous eruption caused
extinction and climate change.
The volcano is
50 times 70 kilometers in size.
It will cover half of North America.
The ash cloud will block the sun.
That would mean nuclear winter,
ice age. Understand?
Is there any hope?
One can always practice hope.
Don't you have
anything else to give after all this?
Excuse me?
I know everyone in this village.
And talking to you, I've gathered
that most of them
have more faith than you do.
-You know everyone in this village?
-Listen, man.
I moved here 38 years ago.
My ex-wife and extended family live here.
I've been teaching the flute
to every single person born here.
I'm in sports clubs, moose-hunting groups
and the summer theater.
There's not a single person here
that I don't know.
-I'm looking for something.
-Me too, but the apocalypse--
I was wondering if you could help.
Confidentially.
We could set up a regular appointment.
Really? A regular appointment?
You must have bumped into everyone here.
-Encountered smells and scents.
-I have, for sure.
I'm looking for a perfume that's
Strong but not heavy. It
Nutmeg. Lemon.
-About the regular appointment
-Let's take a look at the calendar!
-Tarvainen.
-Forget it.
What did you want to talk about yesterday?
I want to know
what the hell God is playing at.
I
I don't know.
My old man used to say,
the Lord moves in mysterious ways,
but nothing happens by chance.
The meteorite wanted to find me.
Then some museum guy
says it belongs to them.
What does it mean
if something you get is taken away?
God damn it. My
My co-driver was taken too.
Two girls lost their father.
I thought I was getting another chance.
Start with a clean slate.
Pay off my debts
and get my life back, you know?
I deserve that meteorite.
What we deserve and what we get
are two different things.
Is he testing us?
-God?
-Yeah.
Perhaps.
The fundamental question is
whether the universe, life,
with all its galaxies, stars,
and meteorites,
is built like an accurate piece
of machinery with a goal of its own.
Or is it formed by millions
and then billions of coincidences,
an endlessly floating
and meaningless pile of waste?
Right.
Hey. Don't drive in that state.
Call the police.
They'll be here in two hours.
Huhta.
Hello, this is Dr. Aziz Delai
from the Joensuu Central Hospital.
I got your results.
I'm afraid there haven't been any changes.
-Meaning?
-The little rascals don't swim.
-You can't have biological children.
-Is it impossible?
Miracles do happen.
I think you have a book about those.
Right.
A spare phone like that could come
in handy in freezing weather like this.
"Hi, Krista. I had to get a new number."
"I miss you."
"Can we meet up?"
"I'll wait for you
at the old mine at 8.00 a.m."
"X."
Will this do?
It will have to.
SENDING TO KRISTA
There.
No.
What Oh shit! No!
Who was that?
Hello.
I've been sniffing around
without anyone noticing.
I think I found something.
Okay.
So, I went shopping, and
By the way, I read this book called
Past Scents by Jonathan Reinarz.
For hundreds of years, people have
Matias.
pagans, Christians,
and people from out of town.
Like the priest. One can almost fall
in love with scents, you see.
I'll call you back.
Hi, love.
Hello.
I twisted my ankle.
I see. How?
I mean, where?
I can't put any weight on it.
Could you pick me up?
Are you at home?
No. I'm in the forest.
How did you end up at the mine?
I was going to Rystis's gym,
but I needed some fresh air.
It's beautiful there.
And now you've got a twisted ankle.
Beats being at work
with your head bleeding.
I can't teach the dance class.
What will I do now?
I didn't quite finish up here.
I've got the shits.
I went to Golden Moon for lunch.
Jokinen's sausages give me the runs.
I finished laying out the books,
spaced out by 1.20 meters.
1.20 meters and a book.
1.20 meters and a book.
Were you praying? I'm still vacuuming.
It's probably fine.
Like white noise, ASMR.
I've read about it.
Well, well. Pastor.
Rystinen.
I assume you're not here
to have your car checked.
Keep going.
For me, that's a warm-up jog.
Keep going.
Sixty-three
You know, I would have never thought
you'd be familiar with all this.
Sixty-three Sixty-three!
But I suppose
with a hottie like Krista at home,
you have to work out.
Who do you work out for?
Someone special?
Bench press.
-What did you find?
-Listen. That scent was pungent.
It was actually slightly seductive.
Notes of nutmeg and lemon.
Good. Where?
THE PROMISED LAND OF FUN
And don't forget the contest drawings.
Yes. Right.
-Pastor. Good evening.
-Evening.
-Why aren't you at the museum?
-I felt like a post-workout beer.
You should rest after muscle training.
Rolle can stay up tonight.
Rolle!
-I'm a karate man!
-My drawing is ruined.
-I think I can handle it.
-I didn't even color it yet.
Okay, gentlemen. The kitchen is closing.
Would you like any food?
The special is curried chicken breast.
-Breast sounds great.
-It is very juicy, indeed.
I'd like a piece of thigh.
Karoliina.
I miss you day and night
Breast and thigh.
You sing well.
LEAVE YOUR DRAWING HERE
One beer, please.
Some stories you have to hear.
The stories are their entire sex life.
As long as they have stories, their
EU subsidiaries and benefits end up there.
Once that's full,
I'm gone, but those guys stay.
It's on the house.
Thank you.
You were there
when the museum got broken into.
Yeah. The dummies took a grenade,
when there was million euros next to it.
-This place should be called Dummy Hill.
-Far from the charmers of Charmsville?
In my experience,
the name is not very accurate.
How about Jesus? Did he walk on water?
I wasn't there.
Too young?
I was busy that day.
You did roll the stone a bit.
I believe 2,000 years ago,
we were all pretty stoked about rocks.
Now one is worth a million.
Siberia.
Say hi to Krista.
Do you know Krista well?
She does come by. Likes her drinks.
Who does she usually party with?
Keep going!
The night shift's about to start.
MILITARY MUSEUM
I couldn't get any sleep.
All is well.
Please forgive me.
He was down there.
-And you said that he was
-A giant.
-Giant.
-Yes.
I threw up. Now everything is fine.
-Yes?
-There's nothing here.
And it was empty?
Copy that.
Were you drinking last night?
Beer.
-I mean, one beer.
-One.
At Golden Moon.
In fact, I saw Mikis and the giant there.
They seemed to know Karoliina
and Rystinen.
So, you drank, threw up, and fought.
Yes. As you can see,
I fought with Mikis in the car, and
Well, it seems like
there's nothing in the industrial area.
Huh?
When did you last sleep?
Around four or five days ago.
Right. Perhaps the pastor should
lay off the booze and get some sleep.
What? Hey. Hey! Excuse me.
This has nothing to do with my insomnia.
All this, I mean
-You can't just
-Then we'll go to Joensuu.
There are doctors and hospitals.
You can get some rest.
-Well?
-I don't need to go anywhere.
Does the pastor know
about the budget cuts we're dealing with?
Take a guess how much gasoline
it took to get here.
Twelve liters.
And how many squared notebooks
we could get with that?
Last week the finance department
gave a policy.
We can't have a new squared notebook
until we've filled up the previous one.
And here you are, boozing away all week
and acting like a prick.
-Okay.
-Damn priests!
Pasi.
Remember what the crisis counselor said.
In through the nose
and out through the mouth.
You could read some self-help books.
Do some yoga.
It might be helpful.
Yeah. Thanks.
Happy to serve.
Krista's still in the shower.
Okay. It's good to wash up.
I should too.
I brought a home delivery.
What? At this hour?
Krista requested it last night,
but I couldn't make it then.
I see. What's in the bag?
Belgian chocolate, bread rolls,
sausages, milk, and cookies.
Lingonberries.
Right.
Not much for a home delivery.
Enough to make a profit?
Customer service is important.
That's what Minna always says too.
That's what it is all about.
The mountain goes to Moses
I mean, when Moses leaves for
What was it again?
Moses went to the mountain.
Exactly. I guess I'd better
No! Don't you want to wait
and say bye to Krista?
We had plenty of time to chat.
Right. Could you take that off?
Oh well. I guess that's all.
What else would there be?
Nothing.
I'll actually stop by the meteorite.
Your coat.
Oh. Right. I came in from there.
THE METEORITE DRAWING CONTESHey. Listen.
The wife left. The mother-in-law died.
Everyone gained something.
Coffee.
Thank you.
Krista said hello
and asked when the party is.
Here? There is a party all day, every day.
Did you understand the joke?
Let's play a game. I'll ask you
something, then you'll ask me.
Why guard the meteorite
instead of staying home?
-I needed something.
-A celestial body.
-Maybe.
-Charmsville not charming enough?
Or are you hiding?
You're hiding.
My turn.
The giant-like guy.
-Where is he from?
-Why do you want to know?
Oh.
You want to save me?
Do you need help?
-Maybe we could help each other.
-How?
How strict are priests
with the Commandments?
-Don't--
-Karoliina!
I'll have coffee, vodka, and a sausage.
-Breakfast for champs!
-Each extra day is too much.
JOEL HUHTA
PRIESSTAY AWAY FROM THE MUSEUM!
If you have any answers,
now would be a great time.
Krista. I can explain.
A chance to explain would be
more than you gave me.
You tricked me to the woods,
I hurt my ankle.
That wasn't my intention.
I'm stuck in a house
that doesn't feel like our home.
-You expect me to be a parsonage matron?
-Of course not.
Ask! What do you want to know?
Who is the father?
What father?
-Joel?
-Since I can't have children.
-What?
-It's just not possible.
Since when?
Since Afghanistan.
-I'm sorry. I tried to tell you--
-Don't touch me.
Krista.
-Krista.
-Go away. Don't you get it? Just leave.
Go to your rock,
and get beaten up some more.
You lied as well.
Tarvainen.
Tarvainen. Hey! Tar
-It belongs to me.
-Go home and sleep.
Isn't this what you do?
Guard the meteorite?
That's precisely what I do.
And unfortunately,
you can't see it right now. Go home.
No. Talk, I mean.
Sorry.
That's where it fell.
Told me to stop. Live a little longer.
Listen, Tarvainen.
Come to the church anytime.
-How is it doing?
-What?
The meteorite.
We have group therapy sessions.
Start with that, and
Yeah, right.
Rally or death.
That's what Sulevi would always say.
He said what?
Tarvainen the champion and pastor!
Rally or death!
-Rally or death!
-Hi.
Rally or death.
Joel!
There it is.
One million euros.
That's what people seem to believe.
People believe what they want.
You sure you can't have them?
The doctor said it would take a miracle.
And what if this is that miracle?
We should have talked.
You grew more and more distant
after we started trying.
I didn't know what to say.
I was considering fertility treatment.
Would you have just let me start hormones?
I was afraid you'd leave. Leave me.
I thought you were having an affair.
Your attention was somewhere else
when we were trying.
No amount of attention is enough for you.
Feels like we'd been
in different marriages.
"Oh, Rystis and Jukkis.
Let me do a couple of pirouettes."
-Dancing is my job.
-And then you party.
Maybe you should too!
Some consider this rock a miracle.
Do you?
I don't know.
Perhaps.
Maybe He doesn't know either.
Without a little imperfection,
nothing would've happened in the universe.
We have made mistakes.
And we should talk.
Here's what we'll do.
If you want this gift, come home.
And if you don't
Go straight to work in the morning.
I'll pack my bags
and take the first train to Helsinki.
You need to find your faith again.
I fixed this.
For better or for worse.
I have never loved anyone this much.
Krista?
Krista.
The door was open, so I thought
Joel. What are you
-Where's Krista?
-I don't know.
-Are you the father?
-I am. What?
Don't kill me.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me. I
I preach forgiveness, and look at me now.
You were just weak. I
Fatherhood is wonderful. Congratulations.
I can't be anyone's father.
There's something wrong with my pipes.
Minna and I have been trying for a child.
No luck.
-Minna will probably go back down South.
-I thought you were the father.
Of our child.
Krista is pregnant.
Why would you think that?
You've been coming around a lot lately,
and I have a war injury, and
Is Krista pregnant?
-Yes.
-That's wonderful.
Congratulations.
I would have been ready to be a father.
I
I used Rystinen's moose for this.
I was skinning the moose and thinking,
how he must have boned at least ten wives.
With his huge moose dick.
Bigger than this.
Spraying his seed around
One good sperm cell was all I hoped for.
All I asked for.
Krista always gives Minna
good advice on everything.
That's what I was talking about
with Krista yesterday.
I brought food to thank her.
I won't bother you any longer.
The meteorite will be picked up at night.
Act normal.
Don't tell anyone
and come to the museum alone.
If you call the police or tell anyone,
Krista will never return home.
-Nothing but coffee, then.
-I'd like to be a samurai.
Joel.
I should go to Japan
-Okay. Where's Kris?
-I've got a million-euro idea.
If you do get the meteorite, then what?
Thirty-six years of torment will be over.
-You can leave without the millions.
-Where to? To the breadline?
Start an OnlyFans site and show my ass?
We're not all priests with a secure job.
Right. At 2:00 a.m., burglars will
break into the museum.
The first one will come
through the back door. Be prepared.
You are used to listening,
so you'll hear it all.
You'll fight back.
You'll end up with the gun
and shoot the burglar.
It will count as self-defense.
-What if I miss?
-You didn't miss last time.
The dead burglar is
a wanted professional criminal.
Later, the other burglar is found dead.
He'll be frozen,
so the time of death can't be determined.
Someone else has taken the meteorite.
And even though it's never found,
you'll be considered a hero.
The whole village will become famous.
Everyone's happy.
The Japanese will come.
Remember. The first burglar will enter
through the back at 2:00. You'll kill him.
-Is everything all right, Pastor?
-I just need it for the museum.
Do you have bullets?
One?
I didn't think I would miss.
Our meetings have given me hope.
And if I change my mind,
I can always use rope.
It is reusable, after all.
Eco-friendly.
God willing, one bullet is enough.
One bullet.
PUT THE ROCK IN A BAG.
YOU'LL SEE KRISTA ONCE YOU HAND IT OVER.
What? Who?
Do as I say,
and this might still work out.
Turn around.
Keep the helmet in your hand.
And smash it!
-Karoliina.
-Smash it!
Smash it!
Good.
You could have used the keys.
You tried to frame it
as a burglary by breaking the case.
The meteorite's gone,
and there are no signs of a break-in.
Your fingerprints are all over the place.
Thanks for leaving the door open, Joel.
And now
take the meteorite.
Petar.
-When can I see Krista?
-Krista?
Yes. Where is Krista?
-That hell of a macho fool.
-What?
-Don't move!
-Tarvainen.
-I could be anyone.
-Yeah, right.
Just put the pistol down. Kick it to hell.
The backpack.
I see anyone following me, I shoot.
Nothing works here
What a shitty gun.
Oh, what do you want?
-Krista.
-Not here.
-Where is she?
-How would I know?
Anything else?
I need that meteorite.
Sulevi gave it to me.
Sulevi?
The co-driver.
We were driving in Corsica, France.
Eight seconds from the lead.
He made one mistake.
A slight right turned out
to be a steep one.
I shouted at him. Didn't focus.
We flew straight into the river.
I couldn't get him out.
It was an accident.
I wish I could drive again.
I could show Sulevi
that it meant something.
That it wasn't for nothing.
Rally or death.
Sulevi isn't mad at you.
Neither is God.
For if you forgive others
their trespasses,
your Heavenly Father
will also forgive you.
Matthew.
Yes.
And who the hell are you?
I can't leave without the meteorite.
Neither can I.
Stop.
Stop.
I HAVE KRISTA NOW.
BRING THE ROCK TO THE GYM. K.
Help me.
Where is Krista?
-Petar and Karoliina
-They took her?
They wanted me out of the picture.
Pastor. Help me.
I'll tell the police everything.
You kidnapped Krista? You?
-The gym was going bankrupt.
-Where's Krista?
-Interest rates are going up--
-Where's Krista?
They're in the backyard!
Don't leave! Help me!
-When do the first customers arrive?
-At six.
The wartime grenades don't actually work.
The one that exploded was just a fluke.
Perhaps.
Don't go!
Keep going.
Joel! What should we do now, eh?
Let's take it easy.
You will get the rock and Petar
if you give me Krista in return.
Alternatively,
you don't have to do this at all.
Oops.
Right. Come out with the bag,
or I'll shoot Krista!
Do you understand?
Give me Krista, I'll bring you the bag.
Get out!
Bring me the bag.
Please forgive me.
I'm so sorry for everything.
I love you more than anything.
You're the most beautiful thing
in the world, and I
And I
I love it when you dance!
And I love your pirouettes.
What?
-A pirouette, Krista. You know.
-Enough, Joel.
What?
Joel!
I knew you'd find me.
-It's okay.
-I always find you.
-Are you all right? Both of you?
-Yeah.
Good.
-My miracle.
-What are you saying?
My miracle.
Somewhere far away,
there was an explosion.
And it was sent to me.
Hello, Pastor.
Hello. I'm on paternity leave.
I just stopped by to get some things.
Right.
What has your son been up to?
Well baby stuff, mostly. He likes cars.
Okay.
Yeah.
I didn't actually come here
for the meeting this time.
Oh.
I've had other things to think about.
I downloaded
this application called Tinder.
-I see.
-And boom. Hit the jackpot straight away.
Wow.
A fiery woman.
And what a scent she has!
I was wondering if you're bound by
confidentiality even on paternity leave?
Lustful.
Insatiable in every way.
Leather, whips, and handcuffs.
It's a whole new world for me,
but it sure is amazing.
This is true love. I even had a vasectomy.
Right. Well, congratulations.
How's this
I've taken up diving.
Matias. We have to go now.
Daddy's little angel.
-Should we go for a swim?
-Let's go.
Subtitle translation by: Sirpa Kaajakari
The lively boy
With a twinkle in their eyes
They shake hands
The summer night is so beautiful
Somewhere far away,
there was an explosion.
And it came to me.
13 BILLION YEARS EARLIER
6 BILLION YEARS EARLIER
800 MILLION YEARS EARLIER
40 MILLION YEARS EARLIER
7 MILLION YEARS EARLIER
42 YEARS EARLIER
178 DAYS EARLIER
97 DAYS EARLIER
68 DAYS EARLIER
54 DAYS EARLIER
37 DAYS EARLIER
25 DAYS EARLIER
14 DAYS EARLIER
CHARMSVILLE
-Ouch. Wait. My hair.
-What?
-My arm's going numb.
-Okay.
-See if there's anything harder.
-Something even harder?
-So the swimmers won't escape.
-Hold on.
This is hard. Will it do?
A miraculous moment.
A sign from your boss?
Let's get some sleep.
Babies babies babies
Some consider them small miracles.
The world's population
will be 11.9 billion by the end of 2100.
Imagine the number of people.
All the billions of babies.
Babies instead of grasshoppers.
Swarming everywhere.
What is God's plan?
Eleven point what?
Eleven point nine billion.
That's a lot of babies.
And everything else,
in addition to the babies.
Pandemics, polar ice caps, all that.
What's happening?
Are we getting destroyed?
Has the Lord said anything?
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
We're actually out of time.
Right. Another hour gone.
Thank you, Pastor.
It was helpful to talk.
-I feel better now.
-Matias!
There's fresh coffee?
Thank you, Pirkko.
I could use some coffee.
Yeah, that meteorite fell from the sky.
That's where they usually fall from.
Yes. From heaven.
From there.
From God.
Or from outer space.
I hear it's worth millions.
There are leftover buns in the office.
-All right. That's nice.
-Great.
The villagers are nuts about it.
Perhaps there was life.
Then their globe exploded and
They were eating chocolate eggs
on Easter and jumping on the trampoline.
Boom. Just a sea of flames.
Let's talk about that next time.
It's good you're feeling better now.
Matias. I've tried a new recipe.
-Right.
-Whipped cream and jam on a bun.
By the way,
have you read about Ebola phase two?
Not at all, actually.
LITTLE SIBERIA
The door's open. Come on in. Go ahead.
-What's up, Pastor? It's a cold day.
-Yeah.
You're probably not used
to temperatures quite this cold.
I have a question. What the hell?
Well, gentlemen. What is this?
What do you think it is?
Maybe a moose?
Rystinen has a sense of humor.
The hunting season's been over
for a month now.
He jumped in front of the car.
-Depressed and suicidal.
-Come inside!
There's buns and coffee.
And I didn't bake them. Don't worry.
-They're meteorite buns.
-A suicidal moose.
I meant to say that the meteorite
It'll be taken to London
for an evaluation in five days.
-But I
-Hello! Yeah, there are buns!
Thank you.
But I have a feeling that someone
has been sneaking around the museum.
I have retirees on night guard.
They barely stay awake during the day.
I need someone competent. A soldier.
Help me, Joel.
-Help me. Please.
-No, no.
Joel. That rock is
the future of this village.
It's the future of my shop.
People from Japan,
Nigeria, China, America, India
Hey. The Lord is testing us.
we want them here. Growing economies.
-Hello, everyone.
-Hello there.
And that means money.
That's why I invited you all here.
Entrepreneurs, the soul of the village.
The election's over. Get to the point!
That rock is our future.
Have you been a bad boy?
Big thanks to the Veterans Association
for keeping watch at night.
Why won't we sell the rock?
No. Let's brainstorm ideas on how
to benefit from this celestial body.
That rock is mine.
It fell into my car.
-I own that land. It's an ore deposit.
-No one owns celestial bodies.
Let's make this fun. There's a meteorite
drawing contest at Golden Moon.
The winning drawing will be used
to build a meteorite monument.
If we leave now, do we get any buns?
-Let's listen. It's good.
-Let's listen. It's good.
Hold this, honey. There are
-Please stop, honey.
-No, it's going so well
Books on Japanese culture.
Let's all learn
how to bow correctly together.
Like this. Hai.
Stop there.
Let's have some hot chocolate.
This is a good spot.
You mean Charmsville?
Yeah, well Charmsville. The Earth.
But didn't you call it, and I quote,
"one-horse town in a pig's rear end"?
I didn't mean it quite like that.
-So, a rear-end town, but in a good way.
-Oh Lord.
Right. This is the Earth.
Charmsville.
Venus is around there.
This would be Mars, this Jupiter.
An asteroid cloud in between.
The Andromeda Galaxy and infinity.
And then, right there.
What is it?
Well I'm pregnant.
-Pregnant?
-I'm pregnant.
-Pregnant?
-Very pregnant.
Wow.
CHARMSVILLE KINDERGARTEN
Bye, core of my universe.
Will you pick me up?
-At four.
-Yes. Great.
-See you.
-Bye.
Some years ago,
I served as a peacekeeper, and
I was injured by a mine.
Pain, nightmares, trouble sleeping.
Not good.
I was hit pretty bad.
Including
my testicles.
-Not good.
-Right.
Back then, the diagnosis
was that I can't have children.
-Not good.
-But now
And you haven't told your wife.
Oh dear. Not good.
-I thought I should double-check.
-Good! Let's double-check.
Can you get a full erection?
What? Yes. Unless
-How much is missing?
-Not much. Just
This much?
-Well, no
-Then this much?
I mean No, no, no.
More than that. Hold on. Let me try.
It isn't
Like
Like that.
Not good.
What do you mean? Does the angle matter?
No.
I've just never met a man
with shrapnel in his balls.
Sperm in the cup.
And boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom
Pose for the audience.
And up, down and down.
-And
-So
Let me see.
Boom.
Just like that?
Here's the punch bowl.
-I have to go. Joel is
-Yes.
Everyone's having a great time,
even if they don't say it.
People love the class.
Thanks for doing it!
-That's wonderful.
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
-Such a wonderful person.
Hi!
Why did Pirkko have our punch bowl?
We had a party
when you traveled to the seminar.
You should have seen it.
Pirkko owned the dance floor.
You mean Pirkko, the fundamentalist?
"Spotless office" Pirkko?
That's right. I don't think
you've got much altar wine left.
Was there anyone else at the party?
Or was it a ladies' dance?
I mean, was Rystinen there?
Ladies' dance?
If something happens
in the village, people will show up.
Dancing can't be good for the baby.
It's good exercise.
It's also my career, remember?
Or whatever is left of it
after following you into the backwoods.
Sorry. I didn't mean that. I just
Okay.
I've been meaning to tell you
For a while now, actually
That
Well?
I'll go
I'll help with the meteorite.
Can't we discuss these things?
Four nights.
Hang out with Party Pirkko if you like.
There's a limit to how many
'90s techno hits I can handle.
A Dr. Alban or two keeps the boredom away.
No way.
It's actually quite cold out here.
I probably shouldn't be slipping
on ice while pregnant.
I'd better take the car.
You'll make it to the museum.
It's good exercise, honey.
Break gently like this.
Around here, we're born
with a kick sled in our hands.
You'll learn.
Hi.
Tarvainen sure is persistent.
He's been trying to get a monument
on the traffic island for a decade.
He calls me drunk about it once a month.
A monument?
To honor him and his co-driver.
Now he has moved on
to the meteorite instead.
How do you feel about the government
covering up the meteorite
-Yes. Everything is fine.
-Can't we sell it for the locals?
That's right. Welcome. Yes.
Just think about the lines next summer.
Grab that.
Only night-lights at night.
Exchange electricity price is sky-high.
I've worked hard for this exhibition.
Rifles and grenades. And this cutie here.
Thank God for eBay.
Too cheap not to buy them.
Just look at this.
We should bring the rock
to church on Sunday.
Hell no.
Good morning, Hannes. How's your shift?
I was just resting my eyes.
You shouldn't sleep during your shift.
Pastor, isn't this meteorite
a sign of something? Like a miracle.
Miracles seem to be going around.
"The beloved meteorite of Charmsville
is a rock fallen from space."
"Its net worth is approximately"
"One million euros."
Did You send it?
Is it a message about something?
What?
I could really use
a small sign of your existence.
To know whether you sent it.
Give me something.
Do you know what love feels like?
We were once on a pilgrimage in Bethlehem.
Krista disappeared into the crowd.
She was wearing this super pretty,
long summer dress with no pockets,
so I had her passport,
phone, and everything else.
I looked for her,
but there were so many people.
Eventually, I ended up in a coffee shop.
Krista was there.
She was laughing happily with the owner.
Krista looked at me
as if nothing had happened and said,
"What is it? I knew you'd find me, love."
Wait. Let me fix it.
I thought it was broken.
Nothing works around here.
Just leave it.
Did you have something in mind?
-We need to talk.
-About what?
-Can't I take a look at the meteorite?
-Just go home.
-The museum opens in the morning.
-Yeah.
At nine.
-Just a quick look.
-No.
Let go, now. Let go
Sorry. Old habits are hard to kick.
Let's talk tomorrow.
Ouch! Wrong tires. God damn it.
Tarvainen, the champion!
Tarvainen, the champion.
What?
So, they took a grenade.
Yeah. I suspect the meteorite was their
I mean, it was dark,
and I interrupted them, so
I guess one could use a grenade
to rob a bank, for example.
-Banks don't hold cash anymore.
-Wonderful. Everything is all right.
-Except for the burglar.
-Right.
-No point in looking for dental records.
-Right. Of course.
There may have been three or four
in addition to the one who exploded.
-There was only one body in the car.
-Right.
I could smell one of them.
One of them must have a cut
from the broken window.
Right, but I'd like to know why there's
a working grenade at the museum.
Right. It Well
-And what about this other one?
-They should be
The seller said it's deactivated.
We've got the papers for it.
Say, is that rust?
Some paint, and it's as good as new.
So, pirouettes with a baby carrier
For sure. What? The baby will be sleeping.
What happened to you?
Apparently, a bank robber wanted
to blow themselves up with a grenade.
I've got my consultation hours.
Are you serious?
Joel. You can't go to work in that state.
Have you slept at all?
A layer of ash. The Yellowstone Caldera.
An underground super-volcano
erupts regularly.
The previous eruption caused
extinction and climate change.
The volcano is
50 times 70 kilometers in size.
It will cover half of North America.
The ash cloud will block the sun.
That would mean nuclear winter,
ice age. Understand?
Is there any hope?
One can always practice hope.
Don't you have
anything else to give after all this?
Excuse me?
I know everyone in this village.
And talking to you, I've gathered
that most of them
have more faith than you do.
-You know everyone in this village?
-Listen, man.
I moved here 38 years ago.
My ex-wife and extended family live here.
I've been teaching the flute
to every single person born here.
I'm in sports clubs, moose-hunting groups
and the summer theater.
There's not a single person here
that I don't know.
-I'm looking for something.
-Me too, but the apocalypse--
I was wondering if you could help.
Confidentially.
We could set up a regular appointment.
Really? A regular appointment?
You must have bumped into everyone here.
-Encountered smells and scents.
-I have, for sure.
I'm looking for a perfume that's
Strong but not heavy. It
Nutmeg. Lemon.
-About the regular appointment
-Let's take a look at the calendar!
-Tarvainen.
-Forget it.
What did you want to talk about yesterday?
I want to know
what the hell God is playing at.
I
I don't know.
My old man used to say,
the Lord moves in mysterious ways,
but nothing happens by chance.
The meteorite wanted to find me.
Then some museum guy
says it belongs to them.
What does it mean
if something you get is taken away?
God damn it. My
My co-driver was taken too.
Two girls lost their father.
I thought I was getting another chance.
Start with a clean slate.
Pay off my debts
and get my life back, you know?
I deserve that meteorite.
What we deserve and what we get
are two different things.
Is he testing us?
-God?
-Yeah.
Perhaps.
The fundamental question is
whether the universe, life,
with all its galaxies, stars,
and meteorites,
is built like an accurate piece
of machinery with a goal of its own.
Or is it formed by millions
and then billions of coincidences,
an endlessly floating
and meaningless pile of waste?
Right.
Hey. Don't drive in that state.
Call the police.
They'll be here in two hours.
Huhta.
Hello, this is Dr. Aziz Delai
from the Joensuu Central Hospital.
I got your results.
I'm afraid there haven't been any changes.
-Meaning?
-The little rascals don't swim.
-You can't have biological children.
-Is it impossible?
Miracles do happen.
I think you have a book about those.
Right.
A spare phone like that could come
in handy in freezing weather like this.
"Hi, Krista. I had to get a new number."
"I miss you."
"Can we meet up?"
"I'll wait for you
at the old mine at 8.00 a.m."
"X."
Will this do?
It will have to.
SENDING TO KRISTA
There.
No.
What Oh shit! No!
Who was that?
Hello.
I've been sniffing around
without anyone noticing.
I think I found something.
Okay.
So, I went shopping, and
By the way, I read this book called
Past Scents by Jonathan Reinarz.
For hundreds of years, people have
Matias.
pagans, Christians,
and people from out of town.
Like the priest. One can almost fall
in love with scents, you see.
I'll call you back.
Hi, love.
Hello.
I twisted my ankle.
I see. How?
I mean, where?
I can't put any weight on it.
Could you pick me up?
Are you at home?
No. I'm in the forest.
How did you end up at the mine?
I was going to Rystis's gym,
but I needed some fresh air.
It's beautiful there.
And now you've got a twisted ankle.
Beats being at work
with your head bleeding.
I can't teach the dance class.
What will I do now?
I didn't quite finish up here.
I've got the shits.
I went to Golden Moon for lunch.
Jokinen's sausages give me the runs.
I finished laying out the books,
spaced out by 1.20 meters.
1.20 meters and a book.
1.20 meters and a book.
Were you praying? I'm still vacuuming.
It's probably fine.
Like white noise, ASMR.
I've read about it.
Well, well. Pastor.
Rystinen.
I assume you're not here
to have your car checked.
Keep going.
For me, that's a warm-up jog.
Keep going.
Sixty-three
You know, I would have never thought
you'd be familiar with all this.
Sixty-three Sixty-three!
But I suppose
with a hottie like Krista at home,
you have to work out.
Who do you work out for?
Someone special?
Bench press.
-What did you find?
-Listen. That scent was pungent.
It was actually slightly seductive.
Notes of nutmeg and lemon.
Good. Where?
THE PROMISED LAND OF FUN
And don't forget the contest drawings.
Yes. Right.
-Pastor. Good evening.
-Evening.
-Why aren't you at the museum?
-I felt like a post-workout beer.
You should rest after muscle training.
Rolle can stay up tonight.
Rolle!
-I'm a karate man!
-My drawing is ruined.
-I think I can handle it.
-I didn't even color it yet.
Okay, gentlemen. The kitchen is closing.
Would you like any food?
The special is curried chicken breast.
-Breast sounds great.
-It is very juicy, indeed.
I'd like a piece of thigh.
Karoliina.
I miss you day and night
Breast and thigh.
You sing well.
LEAVE YOUR DRAWING HERE
One beer, please.
Some stories you have to hear.
The stories are their entire sex life.
As long as they have stories, their
EU subsidiaries and benefits end up there.
Once that's full,
I'm gone, but those guys stay.
It's on the house.
Thank you.
You were there
when the museum got broken into.
Yeah. The dummies took a grenade,
when there was million euros next to it.
-This place should be called Dummy Hill.
-Far from the charmers of Charmsville?
In my experience,
the name is not very accurate.
How about Jesus? Did he walk on water?
I wasn't there.
Too young?
I was busy that day.
You did roll the stone a bit.
I believe 2,000 years ago,
we were all pretty stoked about rocks.
Now one is worth a million.
Siberia.
Say hi to Krista.
Do you know Krista well?
She does come by. Likes her drinks.
Who does she usually party with?
Keep going!
The night shift's about to start.
MILITARY MUSEUM
I couldn't get any sleep.
All is well.
Please forgive me.
He was down there.
-And you said that he was
-A giant.
-Giant.
-Yes.
I threw up. Now everything is fine.
-Yes?
-There's nothing here.
And it was empty?
Copy that.
Were you drinking last night?
Beer.
-I mean, one beer.
-One.
At Golden Moon.
In fact, I saw Mikis and the giant there.
They seemed to know Karoliina
and Rystinen.
So, you drank, threw up, and fought.
Yes. As you can see,
I fought with Mikis in the car, and
Well, it seems like
there's nothing in the industrial area.
Huh?
When did you last sleep?
Around four or five days ago.
Right. Perhaps the pastor should
lay off the booze and get some sleep.
What? Hey. Hey! Excuse me.
This has nothing to do with my insomnia.
All this, I mean
-You can't just
-Then we'll go to Joensuu.
There are doctors and hospitals.
You can get some rest.
-Well?
-I don't need to go anywhere.
Does the pastor know
about the budget cuts we're dealing with?
Take a guess how much gasoline
it took to get here.
Twelve liters.
And how many squared notebooks
we could get with that?
Last week the finance department
gave a policy.
We can't have a new squared notebook
until we've filled up the previous one.
And here you are, boozing away all week
and acting like a prick.
-Okay.
-Damn priests!
Pasi.
Remember what the crisis counselor said.
In through the nose
and out through the mouth.
You could read some self-help books.
Do some yoga.
It might be helpful.
Yeah. Thanks.
Happy to serve.
Krista's still in the shower.
Okay. It's good to wash up.
I should too.
I brought a home delivery.
What? At this hour?
Krista requested it last night,
but I couldn't make it then.
I see. What's in the bag?
Belgian chocolate, bread rolls,
sausages, milk, and cookies.
Lingonberries.
Right.
Not much for a home delivery.
Enough to make a profit?
Customer service is important.
That's what Minna always says too.
That's what it is all about.
The mountain goes to Moses
I mean, when Moses leaves for
What was it again?
Moses went to the mountain.
Exactly. I guess I'd better
No! Don't you want to wait
and say bye to Krista?
We had plenty of time to chat.
Right. Could you take that off?
Oh well. I guess that's all.
What else would there be?
Nothing.
I'll actually stop by the meteorite.
Your coat.
Oh. Right. I came in from there.
THE METEORITE DRAWING CONTESHey. Listen.
The wife left. The mother-in-law died.
Everyone gained something.
Coffee.
Thank you.
Krista said hello
and asked when the party is.
Here? There is a party all day, every day.
Did you understand the joke?
Let's play a game. I'll ask you
something, then you'll ask me.
Why guard the meteorite
instead of staying home?
-I needed something.
-A celestial body.
-Maybe.
-Charmsville not charming enough?
Or are you hiding?
You're hiding.
My turn.
The giant-like guy.
-Where is he from?
-Why do you want to know?
Oh.
You want to save me?
Do you need help?
-Maybe we could help each other.
-How?
How strict are priests
with the Commandments?
-Don't--
-Karoliina!
I'll have coffee, vodka, and a sausage.
-Breakfast for champs!
-Each extra day is too much.
JOEL HUHTA
PRIESSTAY AWAY FROM THE MUSEUM!
If you have any answers,
now would be a great time.
Krista. I can explain.
A chance to explain would be
more than you gave me.
You tricked me to the woods,
I hurt my ankle.
That wasn't my intention.
I'm stuck in a house
that doesn't feel like our home.
-You expect me to be a parsonage matron?
-Of course not.
Ask! What do you want to know?
Who is the father?
What father?
-Joel?
-Since I can't have children.
-What?
-It's just not possible.
Since when?
Since Afghanistan.
-I'm sorry. I tried to tell you--
-Don't touch me.
Krista.
-Krista.
-Go away. Don't you get it? Just leave.
Go to your rock,
and get beaten up some more.
You lied as well.
Tarvainen.
Tarvainen. Hey! Tar
-It belongs to me.
-Go home and sleep.
Isn't this what you do?
Guard the meteorite?
That's precisely what I do.
And unfortunately,
you can't see it right now. Go home.
No. Talk, I mean.
Sorry.
That's where it fell.
Told me to stop. Live a little longer.
Listen, Tarvainen.
Come to the church anytime.
-How is it doing?
-What?
The meteorite.
We have group therapy sessions.
Start with that, and
Yeah, right.
Rally or death.
That's what Sulevi would always say.
He said what?
Tarvainen the champion and pastor!
Rally or death!
-Rally or death!
-Hi.
Rally or death.
Joel!
There it is.
One million euros.
That's what people seem to believe.
People believe what they want.
You sure you can't have them?
The doctor said it would take a miracle.
And what if this is that miracle?
We should have talked.
You grew more and more distant
after we started trying.
I didn't know what to say.
I was considering fertility treatment.
Would you have just let me start hormones?
I was afraid you'd leave. Leave me.
I thought you were having an affair.
Your attention was somewhere else
when we were trying.
No amount of attention is enough for you.
Feels like we'd been
in different marriages.
"Oh, Rystis and Jukkis.
Let me do a couple of pirouettes."
-Dancing is my job.
-And then you party.
Maybe you should too!
Some consider this rock a miracle.
Do you?
I don't know.
Perhaps.
Maybe He doesn't know either.
Without a little imperfection,
nothing would've happened in the universe.
We have made mistakes.
And we should talk.
Here's what we'll do.
If you want this gift, come home.
And if you don't
Go straight to work in the morning.
I'll pack my bags
and take the first train to Helsinki.
You need to find your faith again.
I fixed this.
For better or for worse.
I have never loved anyone this much.
Krista?
Krista.
The door was open, so I thought
Joel. What are you
-Where's Krista?
-I don't know.
-Are you the father?
-I am. What?
Don't kill me.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me. I
I preach forgiveness, and look at me now.
You were just weak. I
Fatherhood is wonderful. Congratulations.
I can't be anyone's father.
There's something wrong with my pipes.
Minna and I have been trying for a child.
No luck.
-Minna will probably go back down South.
-I thought you were the father.
Of our child.
Krista is pregnant.
Why would you think that?
You've been coming around a lot lately,
and I have a war injury, and
Is Krista pregnant?
-Yes.
-That's wonderful.
Congratulations.
I would have been ready to be a father.
I
I used Rystinen's moose for this.
I was skinning the moose and thinking,
how he must have boned at least ten wives.
With his huge moose dick.
Bigger than this.
Spraying his seed around
One good sperm cell was all I hoped for.
All I asked for.
Krista always gives Minna
good advice on everything.
That's what I was talking about
with Krista yesterday.
I brought food to thank her.
I won't bother you any longer.
The meteorite will be picked up at night.
Act normal.
Don't tell anyone
and come to the museum alone.
If you call the police or tell anyone,
Krista will never return home.
-Nothing but coffee, then.
-I'd like to be a samurai.
Joel.
I should go to Japan
-Okay. Where's Kris?
-I've got a million-euro idea.
If you do get the meteorite, then what?
Thirty-six years of torment will be over.
-You can leave without the millions.
-Where to? To the breadline?
Start an OnlyFans site and show my ass?
We're not all priests with a secure job.
Right. At 2:00 a.m., burglars will
break into the museum.
The first one will come
through the back door. Be prepared.
You are used to listening,
so you'll hear it all.
You'll fight back.
You'll end up with the gun
and shoot the burglar.
It will count as self-defense.
-What if I miss?
-You didn't miss last time.
The dead burglar is
a wanted professional criminal.
Later, the other burglar is found dead.
He'll be frozen,
so the time of death can't be determined.
Someone else has taken the meteorite.
And even though it's never found,
you'll be considered a hero.
The whole village will become famous.
Everyone's happy.
The Japanese will come.
Remember. The first burglar will enter
through the back at 2:00. You'll kill him.
-Is everything all right, Pastor?
-I just need it for the museum.
Do you have bullets?
One?
I didn't think I would miss.
Our meetings have given me hope.
And if I change my mind,
I can always use rope.
It is reusable, after all.
Eco-friendly.
God willing, one bullet is enough.
One bullet.
PUT THE ROCK IN A BAG.
YOU'LL SEE KRISTA ONCE YOU HAND IT OVER.
What? Who?
Do as I say,
and this might still work out.
Turn around.
Keep the helmet in your hand.
And smash it!
-Karoliina.
-Smash it!
Smash it!
Good.
You could have used the keys.
You tried to frame it
as a burglary by breaking the case.
The meteorite's gone,
and there are no signs of a break-in.
Your fingerprints are all over the place.
Thanks for leaving the door open, Joel.
And now
take the meteorite.
Petar.
-When can I see Krista?
-Krista?
Yes. Where is Krista?
-That hell of a macho fool.
-What?
-Don't move!
-Tarvainen.
-I could be anyone.
-Yeah, right.
Just put the pistol down. Kick it to hell.
The backpack.
I see anyone following me, I shoot.
Nothing works here
What a shitty gun.
Oh, what do you want?
-Krista.
-Not here.
-Where is she?
-How would I know?
Anything else?
I need that meteorite.
Sulevi gave it to me.
Sulevi?
The co-driver.
We were driving in Corsica, France.
Eight seconds from the lead.
He made one mistake.
A slight right turned out
to be a steep one.
I shouted at him. Didn't focus.
We flew straight into the river.
I couldn't get him out.
It was an accident.
I wish I could drive again.
I could show Sulevi
that it meant something.
That it wasn't for nothing.
Rally or death.
Sulevi isn't mad at you.
Neither is God.
For if you forgive others
their trespasses,
your Heavenly Father
will also forgive you.
Matthew.
Yes.
And who the hell are you?
I can't leave without the meteorite.
Neither can I.
Stop.
Stop.
I HAVE KRISTA NOW.
BRING THE ROCK TO THE GYM. K.
Help me.
Where is Krista?
-Petar and Karoliina
-They took her?
They wanted me out of the picture.
Pastor. Help me.
I'll tell the police everything.
You kidnapped Krista? You?
-The gym was going bankrupt.
-Where's Krista?
-Interest rates are going up--
-Where's Krista?
They're in the backyard!
Don't leave! Help me!
-When do the first customers arrive?
-At six.
The wartime grenades don't actually work.
The one that exploded was just a fluke.
Perhaps.
Don't go!
Keep going.
Joel! What should we do now, eh?
Let's take it easy.
You will get the rock and Petar
if you give me Krista in return.
Alternatively,
you don't have to do this at all.
Oops.
Right. Come out with the bag,
or I'll shoot Krista!
Do you understand?
Give me Krista, I'll bring you the bag.
Get out!
Bring me the bag.
Please forgive me.
I'm so sorry for everything.
I love you more than anything.
You're the most beautiful thing
in the world, and I
And I
I love it when you dance!
And I love your pirouettes.
What?
-A pirouette, Krista. You know.
-Enough, Joel.
What?
Joel!
I knew you'd find me.
-It's okay.
-I always find you.
-Are you all right? Both of you?
-Yeah.
Good.
-My miracle.
-What are you saying?
My miracle.
Somewhere far away,
there was an explosion.
And it was sent to me.
Hello, Pastor.
Hello. I'm on paternity leave.
I just stopped by to get some things.
Right.
What has your son been up to?
Well baby stuff, mostly. He likes cars.
Okay.
Yeah.
I didn't actually come here
for the meeting this time.
Oh.
I've had other things to think about.
I downloaded
this application called Tinder.
-I see.
-And boom. Hit the jackpot straight away.
Wow.
A fiery woman.
And what a scent she has!
I was wondering if you're bound by
confidentiality even on paternity leave?
Lustful.
Insatiable in every way.
Leather, whips, and handcuffs.
It's a whole new world for me,
but it sure is amazing.
This is true love. I even had a vasectomy.
Right. Well, congratulations.
How's this
I've taken up diving.
Matias. We have to go now.
Daddy's little angel.
-Should we go for a swim?
-Let's go.
Subtitle translation by: Sirpa Kaajakari