LOL (2012) Movie Script
1
Every year, it's weird going back to school.
Seeing each other face-to-face again,
but at least I have my best friends,
Janice and Emily.
We're in slo-mo, 'cause that's how
all the hot girls always show up.
Just kidding.
We just wanna look like we don't care.
Especially in front of the guys.
And this is me not caring.
And that's Janice and Lloyd,
pretending to be very complicated.
And Wen, well,
nobody seems to care about him.
Hello, what's happening?
But when it comes to friendship, and I mean
real friendship, like with me and Kyle,
you can officially care and just be yourself.
Oh, and her...
We call her the Post-it,
'cause she sticks to every guy
and pretends that she loves them. Whatever.
All I know is I'm sick of all the pretending.
The truth is I just wanna have a great year.
Just like last year
when I fell in love with Chad.
"Forever."
Speaking of forever, that's how long
Kyle and I have been friends.
I'm here.
I hope it always stays that way.
Anyway, here we are
just going with the flow.
Trying to love, live and laugh out loud.
Which is nice, 'cause my name is Lola,
but everyone calls me Lol.
Dude, I cannot believe
she hijacked my Zadig bag!
I had to special order this thing.
Oh, my God, your new song is amazing.
You liked it?
That guitar solo is hot!
Ladies, ladies, welcome back.
Okay, Wen, don't even try, okay.
- You know you want me.
- Yeah.
Okay, I want you to leave me alone now.
- I like it. Alone. Tonight?
- Yeah. Yes.
Good, I'll see you tonight, alone.
Oh, my God, he is so gorgeous it hurts.
I can't believe you're taking trig class
just for him.
- So you missed me?
- Yeah.
Did you miss me?
How was the camp counselor thing?
It was brutal.
You didn't call or text me.
I did. You just didn't get it
because there was no reception.
Plus, I kind of hooked up with this girl,
another counselor.
Yeah, no problem. I just...
It was just a onetime thing.
No, it's cool, I'm happy you said that.
'Cause I hooked up with somebody, too.
Just to try it.
I really hope you kept his number.
I mean, I'd hate for you to end up all alone.
Got it on speed dial.
Hey, Lola, you okay?
Lola!
Hey, Lola, you okay?
Hey, so what happened with volleyball?
I got a stomachache.
So, you'll be the dolphin. What's his name?
Lola, is that a Brazilian?
Mom!
Mom, what?
Nothing, it's just... It's my body
and I'll take care of it how I want to.
No, it's not.
And I'm not going to let you be a porn star.
What's a porn star?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
You haven't done anything with boys.
I mean, you would tell me, right?
Yes, Mom. I would tell you.
L just want to take a nice, relaxing shower
and hang outwith my family.
And then, here you go, putting me on trial
for my grooming choices.
I'm not a baby anymore.
Hey, and come back
and pick up these clothes.
I'm not your maid.
"Aren't mothers supposed to have
some kind of protective instinct?
She has no idea what it's like out there
This was so not a perfect day."
My baby!
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, too.
Mom, hurry.
Mom, come on, you're making me late.
Then wake up earlier.
I'm not your chauffeur.
I haven't even had my coffee yet.
Lola, is that my sweater?
Quit stealing my things.
Oh, yeah, Mom, you want me to freeze?
Depends, will it make you nicer?
So here I am, driving you to school,
thinking, "This will be great.
"We can have some good conversation.
We can connect with one another."
But here you are in your bubble
and I'm not in that bubble.
And I'm right here. I'm right here.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What? Here. Here.
Go.
And your reason for being late is?
Well, you're going to laugh.
This is as much as I laugh.
- Did you see her face?
- Yeah, she totally wants me.
Shut up!
So, did you make up with Chad?
No.
Well, I just want you to know that
if I were him, I'd never let you go.
Yeah, but you're not him.
I know we're friends,
but I don't always agree with him.
I know.
And I kind of want us to stay friends.
Me too.
Cool.
Cool.
X-squared equals 9X plus 4B.
B equals 9, C equals 14.
Any questions?
All right, pay attention.
Let's keep it moving, people. Next equation.
Emily, can you solve this?
Do you need some help solving this?
Okay, well, it's not that complicated.
First, to find the range for F,
we must solve for the inverse of...
F to the negative first power.
X equals X plus one over...
X plus one over X minus two.
Yeah, you got that?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Everybody got that?
Sorry I'm late.
Yeah, yeah, come in.
Man, the girls are in heat.
Yeah, you would know.
What?
What's your problem?
That's not funny.
Do you want to go to the principal's office?
What? It's a French baguette.
Sorry I'm late.
- Sorry.
- Hey, enough with the feet. Quiet, please.
And you, put it away. We do not eat in class.
The first one who uses his...
Keep it up,
I'll cancel the spring break trip to Paris.
Hi.
Thanks.
So, my mom wanted to know
if you do any home tutoring classes.
Tutoring for what?
For trig, of course.
For your mother?
No, for me.
Right, right, right. Sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm already all booked up
this semester.
Wait, even on Friday nights?
Yeah. Even on Friday nights.
Well, that's too bad. Yeah.
I guess I'll just... I'll see you around, then?
Yeah, I'll see you in class.
Okay, I'll see you around.
I'll see you in class.
Okay.
When I went to talk to him in the class,
he got all blushy.
- He got all red when I was talking to him.
- Oh, God! He's your teacher.
- No, I don't care.
- Shut up.
Okay, look. Chad's over there.
Do you wanna go?
- No, it's fine.
- Why?
- Why?
- 'Cause she'd be happy if we left.
Why is she always with them?
Because she's a Post-it.
She sticks to everything.
In that outfit, really? No.
I know.
I really like your shirt.
- Yeah, I like what's under your shirt.
- Hey! Stop.
- What up, what up, what up?
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Go ahead.
- Let's go.
It's all right.
So, now that you're giving it up
to everybody,
- I figured maybe I could get some.
- Are you serious?
What was all that about?
- Classy, bro.
- What do you care?
"L hate Chad. I hate every stupid second
I spent obsessing over him!
"What a waste!"
- So, can I come over tonight?
- No, we can't do this every night.
What's the point of being divorced?
"Oh, my God!
Dad's totally hooking up with Mom again!
"Or is it the other way around?
"Whatever it is,
I just can't go through this again."
Okay, so after Jimmy Carter, it was Ron...
Ronald.
Ronald McDonald?
You're so stupid.
Ethan, please try to be human.
Okay, so, Ronald Reagan.
L still can't believe
the secret guy Mom's dating is Dad.
What else is she hiding?
What? What's With that look?
Nothing. Just looking.
Okay, so, keep going. Ronald Reagan...
- Take off your shoes.
- Why? The kids are sleeping.
The floor creaks.
- Like a thief in my own home.
- Ex-home.
You think it's a mistake
I'm seeing my ex-husband again?
Yes?
No?
Could you stop saying...
And just give me a real answer?
Stop it, Ethan!
Jackson!
Stop it.
Jackson, shut up!
Stop it. Shove it up your ass.
Mom, did you hear that?
Lola, language.
Jackson! I'm going to kill you.
I swear to God!
I am so tired of that.
Give it to me. Give it to me.
- Mom!
'You!
Mommy!
Mom, Emily won't let me practice.
It's time for dinner.
Dinner's on the table. You were supposed
to be here a half an hour ago.
Fine, okay. I'm coming back.
- You know your father!
- Okay. Whatever.
Sorry, guys, I gotta bail.
Bail? Dude, we got to practice. Come on.
- No, I'll make it up next time, I promise.
- Make it up?
Bro, we're gonna suck if we don't practice.
Battle of the Bands is coming up.
We're not going to suck, dude.
We're putting in the time.
It's going to be fine, okay?
Dude, these kids practice every day,
all right?
They don't have to go home
when mommy calls.
I'll see you later.
We're so screwed.
All right, come on.
Everybody gets a flyer, okay?
We wanna see you all at the show.
No Shampoo.
Semifinals!
Ladies get in free, come check us out.
No Shampoo. Guys, $10.
Come check them out.
- What kind of music?
- Indie. A little bit of everything.
Well, if you're there, I'm there.
You're passing out flyers now?
Yeah, but apparently, it works better
if you're pretty.
Like you would know.
Don't be jealous.
- Don't worry.
- I never do.
I swear, guys,
if we don't make it through after that...
Oh, my God, you're going to make it.
All right.
- You did so good.
- You think so?
- I know so.
- Thanks.
- "L know so."
- "I know so."
You really are amazing.
No, you're amazing.
Kyle!
You coming?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
We're going to rock it next time.
There he is.
So, where you been?
At Chad's. Working on our history project.
How did it go?
It went really great.
It's about the Industrial Revolution.
Hon, want some soup?
Thank you.
So, hey, Dad, remember that
Battle of the Bands thing I told you about?
The winners, they get a record deal.
It's really more of a showcase,
but we might have a spot.
Pass me the salt.
Did you hear what I said?
Yeah. Did you hear what I said?
We'll talk about music
when your grades are better.
Thank you.
Lola, I said no.
I'm on my way home. I'm at the courthouse.
Because I got a ticket. You know what?
Enough with this inquisition.
I'm going to just see you at home.
Oh, shit!
Really?
Need some help?
Not unless you can fix this.
Not exactly my skill set.
- Then too bad.
- Too bad.
- So, where are we going?
- What?
You can't limp home, and I doubt
you'll find a cab this time of day.
Well, they kept me in there forever.
Stupid asshole cops, giving me a ticket.
Just because
my registration's expired one day.
You're not gonna find a cab.
Trust me, I'm a very safe driver.
Okay.
- Need some help?
- Yeah.
Come on. What are you waiting for?
But, hey, what about your helmet?
The cops will just bust you for anything.
Don't worry about it. We'll be okay.
Have a good one, Detective.
You, too, have a good one.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
Let me help you with that.
It gets stuck sometimes.
Okay.
Thanks. I'm sorry I insulted
your entire profession.
It's okay, I'm kind of used to it.
Appreciate the rescue.
Anytime.
Is he hot?
You're so bad.
It doesn't matter, because I'm not gonna
go out with some random cop.
All right, well then, one night.
Quick and dirty. One night.
No, 'cause that's really not my style.
With a guy?
No, the quick and dirty.
Okay, well, you've been divorced
for more than a year.
It's time to step it up. Get your game on.
Let me tell you something,
if I was a divorced woman...
If you were a divorced woman, what?
Nothing. Nothing.
- Nothing.
- Everything.
I'd sleep with a different guy
every single night. Just like you do.
Oh, really?
Well, I haven't slept with anybody but you.
I'm not talking about you.
I'm talking about men. Men.
You mean us. You mean us men.
The great confederation of bastards.
Hey, look who's here.
- Mom, Jeremy got a scooter.
- Jeremy got a scooter.
Jeremy got a scooter?
- Yeah. Dad said it was cool.
- Surprise!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I got the kid a scooter.
Wait, excuse me. We discussed this.
I think I should get one, too.
I could avoid being late for school.
- It's not gonna happen.
- Why?
Because I'm not gonna go
and be peeling you up off of the sidewalk
because you've splattered...
That's dramatic.
It's not dramatic. And it's not happening.
Whatever.
Where are you going?
I've got to show Jeremy
something on the computer.
How can you make that decision without...
- I know. But I've set the table.
- We'll come back.
It's just we're not really interested
in the senior conversations.
Yeah. Thanks, Dad.
- What?
- Senior...
We're not interested
in your teenage conversations.
- Senior conversations?
- Are you serious?
- She's so polite.
- I'm dyeing my beard.
What do you think?
Not bad. Who is it?
It's my friend, Kyle.
Okay, Mr. Kyle.
Shut up.
Does Lola smoke?
Are you crazy?
Do you smoke in front of her?
Never. What about Jeremy?
Don't worry about Jeremy. He hates drugs.
I think I'm going to surfing camp.
What about you?
I don't know, but my dad
is totally doing my mom again.
No shit. You cool with that?
No. I'm sick of them lying to me
and I know that it's never going to work.
I know the feeling.
So, I need to ask you a favor.
Okay. What do you need?
I need you to sleep with me.
Now, women dont just screw.
Okay? They need an emotional attachment.
- Do we?
- Though I will say this,
that no matter how liberated
you women think you are,
male sexuality and female sexuality,
very different.
Come on, what's the big deal?
It's not like I asked you for euthanasia.
It's just one little favor.
You've known me forever. Come on.
It's not just a little favor.
Okay. What would you say if I asked you?
Yes.
I say no, okay? I respect you too much.
You guys suck with your stupid respect.
Yeah and when we don't respect you,
we're assholes, and when we do, we suck.
All right, fine, next subject.
Why don't you do it with Mr. Kyle?
Because he thinks I did it already,
and if I ask him,
then he's going to know that I'm lying.
And so will Chad.
You women really are nuts.
We are not nuts.
Since Lucy has broken up with Rick,
she's going out with a ton of guys.
Everybody knows that Lucy is a slut.
She's having the time of her life.
And I doubt anyone's farting in her bed.
I'm so sorry.
You used to love my farts.
I was lying to you.
What about you and Allen?
You guys still see each other?
Just with the kids.
Good, because we saw Allen the other day
with the biggest bimbo.
You should have seen this girl.
Remember her, Roman?
Okay, just because he was with her,
doesn't mean he was "with" her.
Darling...
Doesn't mean anything. Okay?
Oh, shit, did I just say something dumb?
Not at all.
Why?
- More pie?
- Yes, please.
- I'd love some. Thanks.
- Yes.
Hey!
Are you seeing someone else?
What?
You heard me.
You mean,
am I sleeping with someone else?
Exactly.
What is wrong with you?
So you're not seeing anyone else
besides me?
I don't know.
I thought we were back together.
Why are you even asking me this?
Are we?
I hate her. Look at her.
- Even her underwear is skankville.
- Totally.
'Cause that is stuff that
they write songs about.
I wish I had her ass, though.
- Come on.
- What?
That ass is a full-time job for her.
You know what,
no matter if I work out and I do anything,
my ass is always going to be flat.
Em? Are those Care Bears on your undies?
Shut up, okay? It's all my mom will buy.
What am I supposed to do about it?
Mom just got a ton of stuff
from Victoria's Secret that doesn't fit.
And she's not gonna return it.
Do you want it?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Yeah, no, I need something
that Colin's going to like.
Who's Colin?
Mr. Ross. The trig teacher.
- Are you kidding me?
- Nope.
- Don't worry about it.
- You're sick.
- Double. Double. Double.
- You're sick.
- You're sick.
- You're sick.
Emily, Emily, free me.
Come on, I love you, please.
- Okay, go bother somebody else.
- I love you.
No, come on.
- Hey, watch it.
- I was just going for the ball.
Hey, Lola, are you okay?
- Let's go.
- It's not funny. Why are you laughing?
It's always funny when someone falls.
Yo, can we play? Come on.
Walk away. Just ignore him. He's a jerk.
- Stop following me.
- You wish.
- Skank-ass ho.
- Stop calling me that!
Stop calling me that!
- Hey, come on. Leave it.
- You're pretty hot when you're mad.
- Screw you!
- Lola, walk away!
- Just get out of here. Leave it. Come on.
- Are you kidding me?
Come on, come on, leave it. Seriously.
- Lola, stop.
- Come on, come on.
- I can't believe I ever dated you.
- Get off, dude.
Kyle, the hero.
Look, it's not my fault.
He won't quit harassing me.
You wish.
Now you guys are harassing me.
Please don't call my mom.
- Give me your phone.
- No, Mom, please, you can't do that.
Yes, I can. Bad grades are one thing,
but this is unacceptable.
- Mom, I swear it's not my fault.
- Whose fault is it, then?
I don't want to talk about it.
Fine! You don't want to talk about it,
then give me your phone.
I don't have it. It's at Janice's.
It's at Janice's. Mom.
No, Mom! That's not fair!
You want to know what's not fair
is me being called out of a client meeting
- because you started a fight in school.
- It's not my fault.
And you know what, that whole little
Friday night get-together deal is off.
Chad called me a ho, okay?
Do you want me to let it go
and say thank you?
Your Chad?
He's not my Chad anymore, Mom.
Why did he call you that?
God, do you have to know everything?
Yeah, I do if you want your phone back.
- That's blackmail, Mom!
- I know.
- Stop.
- And look here.
- You're getting a text from Emily.
- No.
- And she says, "Hey."
- Mom, stop!
Chad slept with somebody else,
so to pretend I was okay with it,
I said that I did, too. Okay?
- Did you?
- No.
Is that all you care about
is if I had sex or not?
No, that is not all that I care about.
I don't want you making stupid mistakes
out of spite.
Baby, I care about you.
I know. I'm sorry, Mom.
Why didn't you talk to me?
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, baby.
Can I have my phone back now?
And have my party on Friday?
Two friends.
Six.
- Four.
- Deal.
"L can't love him, but I do.
I feel so real with him.
"If he figures it out,
it will totally ruin our friendship.
"Okay, I'm just going to have to hide it."
Hey, Lol?
Maybe we should...
I don't want Chad to get the wrong idea.
He's so jealous.
I don't blame him.
Well, I'm flattered
you still want to hang out with me.
I love hanging outwith you.
Go.
- Okay, I'll see you later.
- See you later.
Where's my chicken?
Jackson!
My chicken.
Jackson.
- What?
- My chicken. Where is it?
How should I know?
Oh, really? What is that?
- Mom, I swear...
- I will not tolerate lying in my home.
L hate my life.
Wait, where did you say you were going?
It's just a spa weekend with the girls.
What girls?
Actually, you don't know them.
You have friends that I don't know?
Like who?
So, wait, why aren't Emma and Ethan
going with Dad?
Because he's going out of town
this weekend.
- So, Mom...
- Yes, dear.
- You got this covered?
- Yes, dear.
- She gets to have three friends.
- Only three. I mean it.
- And pizza.
- Only pizza. That's it.
I kind of want Chinese.
And don't let them sweet-talk you,
because they are ruthless.
- Me?
- Really? What a surprise! Chinese it is.
- Okay, here you go.
- Here's your bag.
Are you guys trying to get rid of me?
- No.
- Yes.
- Bye.
'Bye-bye.
- Love you, Mom.
- Love you.
- Party time.
- No way. Three friends.
- Come on.
- Maybe five.
- Come on.
- Just five.
You know when she says three,
she means like 30.
- No, she doesn't.
- Come on. Be cool.
That's as cool as I get.
You knew she was gonna go
spend the weekend with Dad.
Yes, it's so romantic.
They're sneaking around like teenagers.
Unfortunately, teenagers
aren't like that anymore.
Oh, sweet pea.
They're so cute.
I guess so.
- So, do you play basketball?
- Yeah, I play a lot.
- How tall are you?
- I'm about 6'2".
Excuse me, ma'am.
Would you like something to drink?
Thank you, honey.
I'll have a Coke with a little scotch.
Actually, make that a scotch
with a little Coke.
Not so much.
Listen, this is going to help her sleep,
then we're going to party all night.
I'm gonna go to hell.
You're such a chicken.
- Here's your drink.
- Thanks, sweetie.
- So, how is it?
- It's good.
Thank you for making me a drink.
But then she never called me back.
I see you. Where you going?
Wait, I'm going to call you later, all right?
See you, Wen.
Wen, Wen, is that your T-shirt?
I don't know.
Okay, shut up.
No, but is it vintage?
- Is it vintage?
- Or is it new?
- I don't know.
- Are there a lot of them?
Did you borrow it from somebody else?
No, no, it's neither.
Oh, dear God! Okay...
I'm just... Okay.
- I'm gonna go.
- Are you all right?
- I really want to kiss you.
- Me too.
Let's party, yeah!
Friendship is not that easy to turn into love.
Good news, we laughed a lot,
and I just think we both weren't ready.
But still, it was a perfect night.
Bad news?
Mom left Dad again and she came home
a little bit earlier than I expected.
Lola!
Honey, I'll help you with the garbage.
Thanks, Mom, you've done enough.
Hey, Mom.
What first, joints or condoms?
- It wasn't me.
- That's not funny, Mom.
- I can explain.
- I would so love for you to explain.
- I know that this looks bad.
- It looks really bad.
Mom, I had no idea
that these people were coming.
L just had my friends.
People from school showed up.
- I don't know how this happened.
- Mom, how could you let this happen?
Honey, I just don't know.
I can't seem to hold my drinks like I used to.
And what about this?
I wasn't smoking. I don't smoke. Mom!
If I ever catch you with this again,
I am shipping you off to your dad's! Got it?
That would be a dream, huh, Mom?
And don't worry,
I'll see you there in the morning.
Your Paris trip is off. And you're gonna
come back and clean this mess!
"L can't believe I screwed things up this bad.
"Why can't I rewind in real life?
What a mess!"
Lloyd, get your lazy ass over here
so we can rehearse, man. Call me back.
He's not even picking up.
So, how was the party?
It was okay.
Do anything fun?
Well, you know, the grandma was there.
Why is Lola vacuuming, Mom?
Ask her.
Anne.
What do you want?
Would love for us to stop fighting
over nothing.
Nothing? You call sleeping
with random sluts nothing?
- Anne. ..
- I can't... I can't do this.
You know what? You are the best thing
in my life and you are also the worst.
- Anne, I swear, I never slept with any...
- Stop swearing.
And more importantly,
will you stop lying to me? All of you.
I think we just need to stick
to being what we're meant to be.
Which is?
Parents to our kids.
- I got to go.
- Anne, please don't...
This is gonna be good.
Wow. Your sister is hot. Hi, I'm Chad.
She's not my sister.
Actually, I'm her step-mother.
And she's my wife, pal.
Settle down, please. Quiet, please.
Quiet!
Welcome, parents and students.
Hello.
- Oh, my gosh. He's so cute.
- Check him out.
We have a detective
from the Narcotics Division
of the Chicago Police Department.
He's here to talk to you today.
So, please,
give him your undivided attention.
He's got my attention.
What?
Settle... Please, please, be quiet.
I'm sure you all have something better to do
than sit here and listen to some guy
who thinks he's cool and educational.
Yeah!
I hear you, I hear you.
But there's some facts
I need to arm you with.
I have a picture
that shows the detrimental effects
of long-term drug abuse. Take a look.
Now that I have your attention,
I want to show you
the real effects of THC on the brain.
THC is the agent in pot that causes
the high in so-called "soft" drugs.
You look at this image, it's pretty clear
it's not so soft anymore, is it?
Symptoms of cannabis
can range from paranoia to panic attacks,
to symptoms of schizophrenia.
- That was a very good talk.
- I know.
- I hope some of that sticks into your head.
- Okay.
Why are you running?
Because there's someone
that I'd like to avoid.
- There's Janice. I got to go.
- No, no.
- We need to get... We need to get going.
- Hey.
- How you doing?
- Hey, how are you?
Good. How is the heel?
The heel is fine.
Once is coincidence.
Twice, I'm going to have to call that fate.
Is that what you call it?
- Does she know him?
- Oh, God, I hope not.
I think he's going to handcuff your mom
to your bed.
Shut up, shut up. Don't say that.
- Are you coming tonight?
- I'll try, but I'm grounded.
- Your artwork?
- Hey, look, look, look.
- She's up to no good. I told you.
- Really?
She's disgusting. I don't get it.
You know, that was so great, to the...
The talk in there. I...
I'm gonna buy you a drink.
L.-
It wasn't a question.
I'm telling you I'm gonna buy you a drink.
Mom. Can I go to Janice's house?
Just to do homework.
Lola, this is...
- James.
- Hey.
- My daughter, Lola.
- Mom, can I go?
No, you have to do your homework at home.
- This isn't fair.
- What was that?
Nothing. Love you, Mom.
I'll see you at home.
Charming.
You ready for a drink?
- I thought it wasn't a question.
- It's not.
- Okay. This... All right.
- Yeah.
- Have you seen Kyle?
- Yeah, he's in the bathroom.
Hey...
So how was it?
- It was awesome.
- You're disgusting.
- Was it good?
- What do you mean?
Come on, don't lie to me. Just own up to it.
Hey, Lol. What's going on?
What did you tell her?
Nothing. It's not my fault
your little groupie can't take a joke.
Hey, Lol, wait up! Hey, Lol, stop. Please.
I need to go.
- I knew that. Come here.
- Okay, Wen. Stop it. Okay?
- What are you doing?
- What just happened never happened.
Got it?
- You're funny.
- No, I'm serious, okay?
Take this. Wait five minutes. I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding. Wait.
What happened? What did I do?
Get in!
- Hey, Lol, wait up!
- Leave me alone.
What did Ashley say to you?
What did she say to you?
- Kyle, don't play dumb.
- No, seriously.
What's wrong? Come on.
- Don't act like you don't know.
- Hey, Lol, what's your deal?
My deal is that everybody knows
she does guys in the bathroom, Kyle.
Wait. What? You think Ashley and I...
In the bathroom?
Well, at least you can get it on
with someone.
Congratulations.
Wow! I guess we're done.
Lola?
Lola? Sweetie, what is it? What's wrong?
Nothing.
Come on, have something to eat.
It's good to eat when you're sad.
What would you like?
What would taste good?
Nothing right now.
You're not going to turn anorexic now,
are you?
Not from skipping one meal.
No, I saw something on TV.
It goes pretty fast.
- It's not what it is.
- I know.
Nobody's worth your tears, baby.
I'm gonna get you some soup.
Okay. I love you.
No, I saw him.
He was in there with the Post-it.
When?
After that drug assembly thing.
Okay, are you absolutely positive
that it was them?
Yes. Yes. I saw that stupid bag. No offense.
No, it's fine.
Hey, girl! High-five it. Girl, I'll see you...
Here they are.
Shit.
"What's wrong with me?
"Do I have a sign on my head
that says 'Cheat on me'?
"I mean, no surprise from Ashley, but Kyle?
"And since bad things come in threes..."
You know what this report smells like?
What?
No more music. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, too.
The most important thing
is that you're pretty.
You'll get a rich husband.
Great.
Last year, you were on the honor roll.
Mom, it's only one B.
That's exactly my point.
A B in math, a C in history, a D in biology?
Lola, what are you thinking?
I'm not thinking anything, Mom.
Because I don't care
about the population of China
or the division of cells.
The only thing I care about,
the only thing that hurts,
is Kyle and the Post-it.
And howl want to hurt them
as much as they hurt me.
So, who's the guy
we're supposed to make jealous?
The emo one next to the slut.
Nice hair. What a dork.
Come on, he's not that bad.
Shut up and make it look sexy.
Okay.
- Like only you can.
- Yeah, it's true.
- No. I'm not talking...
- Who needs a girl?
- Come on.
- Hey, who is that guy?
- Who's that guy?
- Jeremy. He's cool. Why?
Nothing.
I mean, who drives a stupid red Vespa
in the middle of winter?
- Why do you care?
- Yeah, why do you care?
I don't care. Come on, let's go.
She de-friended me?
Thank you.
So, how's Jeremy?
How's Ashley?
You know I'm not seeing Ashley.
- Can we talk?
- Okay.
No, in private. At your house at 7:00?
Okay.
Okay.
I called you, but you didn't come.
Come on, come here.
Who is it?
It's Ashley.
Why'd you call her over, man?
Hey, boys.
Hey.
Oh, God,
she just always shows up everywhere.
She's like a bad dream.
You just can't wake up from it.
Jesus.
I deal with kids every day.
I know the difference
between a kid in trouble
and a kid testing the limits,
and she sounds really normal.
Don't feel guilty.
With kids, it's always guilt.
If I'm too lenient, I'm guilty.
If I yell, it's even worse.
And then it's like I'm a cop in my own home.
That must be awful.
I keep insulting your profession.
The thing is I'm the one
who is always saying
that a woman should have the same rights
and should be able to enjoy sex
the same way a man does.
I couldn't agree more.
You know what I mean.
I know what you mean.
But it's my little girl.
And now that she's starting
to live life as a liberated woman,
I just don't know if I feel the same.
And I don't even know
what to do about Paris.
I am so confused.
I don't even know what to believe.
It's a school trip.
You should let her go to Paris.
Are you saying this to reassure me,
or is that what you really think?
I think you think too much.
Hey, Lol, it's me.
I'll be there in 10 minutes. Okay.
- Where do you think you're going?
- To Chad's. Excuse me...
Are you that stupid
that you bring pot into my house?
- Oh, please.
- Oh, please?
Did you say, "Oh, please"?
How about, oh, please,
wave goodbye to all this
'cause next year, it's military school.
Oh, you think that's funny?
- Get your hands off my guitar!
- It's my guitar!
Dad, no! What are you doing?
Are you crazy?
No more phone! No more computer!
Hey, Kyle. It's Lola. Remember me?
Whatever. I've been waiting here for an hour.
I'm not an idiot.
Don't ever talk to me again, okay?
Thank you for listening to my meltdown.
It really helped.
It's all part of the job, ma'am.
- It was really nice.
- It was nice.
What are you doing here?
Allen, James...
Allen's the father of my children.
Lola,
she forgot her books in my...
I signed the little permission slip for Paris.
We needed to talk about that.
Should we talk about this now?
Allen.
That's a nice dress.
Night.
You Okay?
Yeah.
I guess I should let you feel guilty in peace.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Good night.
Good night.
Yummy.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, God. You okay?
- Oh, hey.
- Oh, Mr. Ross.
I didn't see you there, I'm sorry.
How are you?
Good, good. Just grocery shopping.
Yeah, me too.
Wow, healthy.
Do you cook a lot?
Yeah, I love to cook.
I love to cook.
I cook all the time.
Emily, did you find the milk?
No, it's not that way.
- But this is my trig teacher, Mr. Ross.
- How are you doing?
- This is my mom.
- Hello.
And my brother.
Hey.
I'm sorry about the home tutoring thing.
I just was already booked up this semester.
Home tutoring for Emily?
Yeah.
No. No, no, sorry.
My fault. I must've gotten her mixed up
with some other student.
Well, teachers should keep their
minds sharpened, shouldn't they? Come on.
- Emily.
- Yeah, no...
Nice meeting you.
Since when do teachers look like that?
Yeah, right?
So, he does his own grocery shopping,
which means he's totally single.
So? You're not going to be
sleeping with your teacher, Em.
Yeah, says who?
Is something wrong with you?
You seem kind of...
I can't quit thinking about Kyle and Ashley.
Lola, it was me, okay?
It was you what?
It wasn't the Post-it and it wasn't Kyle.
It was me.
In the boys' bathroom.
You didn't see her purse. You saw mine.
- Wait, you and Kyle?
- No!
I want to tell you who, but I can't.
Believe me.
Okay, it was just a onetime thing.
I wanted to just get it over with.
So that I would be ready for Mr. Ross
when he was ready.
You know?
Oh, my God. Are you serious?
I wanted to tell you,
but then you did the whole, like,
"Who does it in the boys' bathroom?
"She's a ho!"
Me and Kyle broke up because of this.
Look, I'm really sorry.
I cannot believe you did that.
I can't talk to you right now. I'm sorry.
Okay.
Wow, you're back early for a change.
Wow, look at you doing homework
for a change.
Answer me.
So, about this trip to Paris?
Yes?
Are all your friends going?
Yes.
And if I were to let you go,
would you promise...
Oh, my God.
I promise, I will be so good, Mom.
Please, please, please, please, Mom.
Please, please.
Is that a yes?
Yes, yes! Thank you so much!
Mom, it's not the jungle. It's Paris.
This is what I gave you last time for cramps.
Should I write cramps on it?
Think you'll remember?
I have a brain.
Good for you, angel.
- I'm gonna go pack.
- Good for you.
I found it, sweetie.
Oh, nice. All right, conservative.
What is this? An eye patch?
No, it's Lola's.
She left it here when she spent the night.
I just have to give it back to her.
Oh, really? How many nights
did she spend here? Eighty?
Do you think I'm stupid?
- No, I don't think you're...
- You haven't even left yet,
and if I find any more of these,
you're not going anywhere!
These are for bad girls with bad grades
and no futures!
This is garbage! Garbage!
You promise you're going
to be careful, right?
Why do you keep asking me that?
I really don't feel comfortable with you
staying with a family that I don't know.
Mom, they're French.
They're probably stricter than you.
Okay.
So I have a little something for you,
just to add to your collection.
I love it. Thank you so much.
It's so cute. Thank you, Mom.
- You're welcome.
- I love you.
- Let me put it on.
- Yeah.
It's so cute.
You promise, right? To be careful?
- I promise. Stop asking.
- Okay.
- No, no.
- What?
- No. No.
- Mom!
Mom, I don't have any warm sweaters.
You have a ton.
They're all scratchy. This one is soft.
Yeah, well, six-ply cashmere, it better be.
- Mom, please. Please, Mommy.
- No. No.
Mommy, I'm going to be cold,
and when I wear it, I'll think of you
and how much you love me
and how much I love you
and how much I miss you, Mom. Please.
Please. It's my favorite...
You are such a pain in the ass.
Unbelievable.
- Do not stretch this out.
- I won't.
I'm gonna get some water.
Do you want some?
I'm good, thank you.
Are we cool, Lola?
Yeah, we're cool.
Look, I can just go talk
to him right now, okay?
It's fine.
All right. I'm gonna get some water.
Hey, what's the matter?
She's still mad at me. I'm getting water.
Hey.
Mrs. Chandler, where are we?
This is terrible.
Come on, we're here.
There are your families.
Come on. Get down quickly, girls!
Okay, where is the Eiffel Tower?
- Oh, my God.
- Is that sheep?
Mrs. Chandler, can I go home?
When you said we were going to Paris,
what did you mean?
We're only 20 minutes away. Okay?
This is a way to say hello.
It's a French hello.
What's up?
Dude, I've seen this in a horror film.
It does not end well.
- We got to get out of here.
- Don't discriminate, bro.
Discriminate? Are you kidding me?
Don't say that to me.
Oh, my God. I need a hotel now.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Hello.
Oh, great.
I miss you, too.
It's nice here.
Welcome to the psych ward.
Okay, Mom, I gotta go.
My battery's about to die
and I got to find an adapter, okay?
They don't have one.
This family is so weird.
- Love you.
- Okay, bye.
She said her family is weird.
I knew that I shouldn't let her go.
- Why are they weird?
- They're not weird. They're French.
And how could I forget
to send her with an adapter?
Well, you've given her life, that's enough.
- You know what? I have to go.
- Where are you going?
You know what?
Do you guys have homework?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I thought so. Let's get on it.
So, do you like him?
'Who?
'Who?
- Starsky.
- Mom, would you not call him that?
And I haven't even thought about it.
Don't bullshit me, dear.
I haven't. Really.
I just hate it when everyone
acts like your life is over
if you don't have a man.
There's nothing wrong with
getting back on the horse, you know.
So, where is he taking you?
Mom, would you quit asking me questions?
You don't have to know everything.
How do I look?
You look adorable.
Now, don't forget to take a sweater
and other things to protect yourself.
- Mom!
- I mean it.
She's like Mom with Lola.
Hey, come on. What about that homework?
Let's get on it, chop, chop, chop.
Have fun.
That thing is so creepy.
- Oh, my God, it is so cold in here.
- I know.
What? French people don't have heat?
- No, it's just these creepy Joan of Arc fans.
- Why?
Because she was burned at the stake!
Lola, why are you still mad at me?
Because I would never do to you
what you did to me.
Yeah, but you don't really even
know what happened,
and if you knew, you would not be upset.
'Cause you won't tell me!
Okay, but if I tell you,
do you promise that you won't tell anybody
and you won't laugh at me?
Promise.
- You swear? Okay.
- Swear! Come on.
- What?
- Oh, God!
- Come on, tell me.
- Oh, my God! I can't.
It was Wen.
You said you wouldn't laugh!
- You said you wouldn't laugh.
- Okay, I get why you lied.
So, James, what do you do for a living?
I'm a cop.
- Narcotics.
- Take that.
Just breathe. Take it easy.
I only smoke because of my sciatica.
- Sciatica?
- He is so full of it.
- No, I'm not.
- No, sweetheart, it's okay.
He's a cop!
Stop.
No, no,no, no.
Okay.
Lola?
Lola?
Oh, my God!
You're a genius. Nice muscles.
We're going to go to bed.
- Thanks, man. You're great.
- Screw you. This is the second time.
Deaf-mute.
- Why is it so complicated in Chicago?
- I don't know.
It's not complicated here.
- Hey, Lol.
- Yeah?
Can you do me a favor?
Can you keep my guitar back in Chicago?
You're the only person I can trust.
Sure.
- Can I tell you something?
- What?
It's actually my first time.
It's my first time since my divorce.
It's so good to love someone
so much it hurts.
I don't know how people survive this.
Honestly, I don't.
- Hey.
- Hey, what's up?
How did it go? I want the scoop.
- What scoop?
- On Paris.
It was cool.
Okay, well, what did you do?
School stuff. It was like, the Eiffel Tower,
which is beautiful.
And learned some French.
It was nothing special.
What about you?
- Me?
- Yeah, what did you do?
Really nothing special.
Okay, are you scared?
Well, if he kisses you on the lips,
it means he's cool being your boyfriend.
If not, forget it.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Okay, yeah.
- Okay. No. Come on.
- I love you.
So, is your old man
going to let you play the gig?
Or are we going to have to tunnel you out?
Are you kidding?
There's no way I'm going to let my dad ruin
our chance at getting signed.
This is huge, right?
I mean, it's like the biggest chance
we have, dude.
Maybe your parents could adopt me.
Yeah, but then my brother
could be hooking up with my ex-girlfriend
in my own house.
Look, man, about that.
- You just got to get over it.
- It's cool.
Look, just keep it real with me,
and we'll be cool.
I mean, we're like brothers, right?
This is so awesome.
You're a sociopath.
Okay, no, I'm not doing this.
How many pigs had to die for this class?
Where's PETA?
What do you think
they test all your ho makeup on?
Stop calling every girl a ho.
It's getting old, okay?
- Yeah, whatever, ho.
- Thank you.
Welcome.
Yeah, it comes from the heart.
- Oh, my God.
- That is so gross!
Kyle, stop!
Are you kidding me
with this room right now, Lola?
It is a pigsty-
All right, will you get out of my stuff?
You're never going to find
anything in there anyway.
Well, if I can't find my sweater, then
you're losing your computer for a month.
All right. Love you, Mom, love you, Mom.
"Emily's lie totally worked,
"and I finally got to have sex with Kyle.
Sex with Kyle."
This is the worst thing
you can do to your child, isn't it?
To betray their secrets.
I feel terrible.
So tell her.
- What?
- All of it.
That you found her diary.
That you know everything. Tell her.
But she would never forgive me.
Hello.
So, you wanted to talk?
I'm listening.
Yes, I want to talk about Lola.
Did you order?
Don't you start.
- What?
- I have a therapist
who says... and it drives me crazy.
Did you tell her how you're doing someone?
I am not doing anyone.
Oh, I'm sorry, yes. You're right.
It's men who do sluts.
You women are always making love
to incredible gentlemen.
Just stop it. This is really not the time.
This is a great time for me.
But I forgot I'm speaking
with Miss Moral High Ground.
Lola's doing drugs.
She's smoking pot.
She's a mess right now.
Well.
You are her role model.
Yeah.
When she hears about your new sex life,
I can't wait for that.
- Hey.
- You're an idiot. An absolute idiot.
Hey...
I'll see you later.
Come on, let's go!
- I gotta go.
- Now. We're gonna be late.
- Hello, Anne.
- Hi.
- Love you.
- Okay.
That was cold.
Well, I'm not crazy about you
hanging outwith that girl.
That girl is my best friend.
I'll hang outwith her if I want to. It's my life.
- What?
- It's my life.
You're my daughter, my responsibility.
And until you turn 18, there's a few things
that I won't tolerate.
- Really, like what?
- Like messing up your life.
I'm not messing up my life.
Smoking pot, drinking alcohol,
sleeping around.
- What do you call that?
- Where'd you get that?
I read your diary, okay?
- What? What?
- It was an accident.
I was looking for my sweater and it fell out...
That is not an accident! It did not fall!
It was hidden, Mom!
Well, at least we now know
we're on the same page.
Yeah, you're a liar! Are you kidding?
You had no right to do that!
That is my private stuff!
God, you're a bitch!
Lola! Lola!
Lola!
Lola!
This house needs a man.
- What about me?
- Oh, sweetie.
We just need to talk.
- Where are you going?
- To Dad's! Do you mind?
No, not at all.
I'll even be happy to drive you...
No! I got it.
Bye.
Come here.
My baby. I know. I know, sweetheart.
It'll be okay. She'll come back.
- I was never that bad, was I?
- Well, sometimes you were.
I'm putting garlic in the sauce.
No.
Yes!
- Emily, it's dinner!
- I'm coming!
Is the image of the J-F-K triangle
by translation of vector I-D,
the E-A-F triangle or the E-F-J triangle?
'Okay- Yes?
- Wen?
You do know what a vector is, right?
Yeah, like Hannibal Vector?
Cute. Look. Are you texting?
What are you doing? I wasn't even on that...
Okay. I need you to focus on this.
I told you what a vector is.
You asked what a vector is.
I told you what it is.
HEY,
I didn't get a chance to thank you
for covering for me at the supermarket.
Emily, there's no need to thank me.
But, Emily, you are a beautiful girl,
and you're also a smart girl.
And smart girls don't need lies and tricks
to get what they want out of life.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, totally. Okay.
And also, Wen is very nice. He's a good kid.
But maybe you could inspire him
to focus a little bit more on his schoolwork.
- Okay.
- And also the picture on his cell phone.
Get him to change it.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, I'm gonna... I'll do that.
Okay. Good-bye.
I caught you. You just ate some cream.
- I did.
- I'm going to eat some chocolate.
This doesn't make it my favorite.
See, I like the cream the best.
I like the chocolate.
Yeah, you're just like your mother.
Complicated?
Very-
"Dear Mom, I'm sorry
if what you read in my journal
"made you feel differently about me,
"but the truth is,
I wanted to tell you everything in there,
"but I was scared.
"Scared of what you'd think of me,
and scared that you'd blame yourself;
"which you shouldn't.
"I know I've been a real handful this year.
And I haven't appreciated your love.
"Since I left, I'm not crying because I'm sad.
"It's because I made you sad,
and you so don't deserve it.
"I know we're both
just coming from our own sides,
"but maybe we could meet in the middle.
"I miss you so much it hurts.
"Love, Lola."
- I missed you so much.
- Missed you, too.
- Sorry.
- It's okay. I'm sorry, too.
Battle of the Bands.
Check it out.
- Battle of the Bands. Finals.
- Battle of the Bands.
- I'm out.
- That was quick.
I don't know. If I go home before the show,
my dad won't let me out.
Wait, you said you had this taken care of.
You got to figure out something
and we can't go to my house.
Okay, well, you guys figure it out
and let me know,
but I got to go change.
Got to do something.
- For you?
- Hit me.
Mom? Can I ask you a favor?
Already? Yes?
It's like... You would be
the best mom in the whole, wide world.
- What do you want?
- I just have a few friends
that need to do band practice. Come here!
This is Kyle. You remember Kyle, right?
- Yes. Hi.
- Nice to meet you again.
He has this show thing.
You're the best. Bye!
- Thank you.
- Hi!
You're the best mom in the world.
Kyle!
That's it. He's done.
We have our results,
and the winner of the Battle of the Bands
is No Shampoo!
Let's have them sing another song!
Thank you!
This song is for someone
who means a lot to me.
I guess if I've learned anything this year,
it's that you can pretend to be
anyone you want.
But when it comes to love,
I mean real love,
the best thing is just be yourself.
Truth is, me and Mom aren't so different.
After all this, we're finally ready
to let each other grow up.
And it's nice to know,
no matter what happens,
we'll always be there for each other.
Every year, it's weird going back to school.
Seeing each other face-to-face again,
but at least I have my best friends,
Janice and Emily.
We're in slo-mo, 'cause that's how
all the hot girls always show up.
Just kidding.
We just wanna look like we don't care.
Especially in front of the guys.
And this is me not caring.
And that's Janice and Lloyd,
pretending to be very complicated.
And Wen, well,
nobody seems to care about him.
Hello, what's happening?
But when it comes to friendship, and I mean
real friendship, like with me and Kyle,
you can officially care and just be yourself.
Oh, and her...
We call her the Post-it,
'cause she sticks to every guy
and pretends that she loves them. Whatever.
All I know is I'm sick of all the pretending.
The truth is I just wanna have a great year.
Just like last year
when I fell in love with Chad.
"Forever."
Speaking of forever, that's how long
Kyle and I have been friends.
I'm here.
I hope it always stays that way.
Anyway, here we are
just going with the flow.
Trying to love, live and laugh out loud.
Which is nice, 'cause my name is Lola,
but everyone calls me Lol.
Dude, I cannot believe
she hijacked my Zadig bag!
I had to special order this thing.
Oh, my God, your new song is amazing.
You liked it?
That guitar solo is hot!
Ladies, ladies, welcome back.
Okay, Wen, don't even try, okay.
- You know you want me.
- Yeah.
Okay, I want you to leave me alone now.
- I like it. Alone. Tonight?
- Yeah. Yes.
Good, I'll see you tonight, alone.
Oh, my God, he is so gorgeous it hurts.
I can't believe you're taking trig class
just for him.
- So you missed me?
- Yeah.
Did you miss me?
How was the camp counselor thing?
It was brutal.
You didn't call or text me.
I did. You just didn't get it
because there was no reception.
Plus, I kind of hooked up with this girl,
another counselor.
Yeah, no problem. I just...
It was just a onetime thing.
No, it's cool, I'm happy you said that.
'Cause I hooked up with somebody, too.
Just to try it.
I really hope you kept his number.
I mean, I'd hate for you to end up all alone.
Got it on speed dial.
Hey, Lola, you okay?
Lola!
Hey, Lola, you okay?
Hey, so what happened with volleyball?
I got a stomachache.
So, you'll be the dolphin. What's his name?
Lola, is that a Brazilian?
Mom!
Mom, what?
Nothing, it's just... It's my body
and I'll take care of it how I want to.
No, it's not.
And I'm not going to let you be a porn star.
What's a porn star?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
You haven't done anything with boys.
I mean, you would tell me, right?
Yes, Mom. I would tell you.
L just want to take a nice, relaxing shower
and hang outwith my family.
And then, here you go, putting me on trial
for my grooming choices.
I'm not a baby anymore.
Hey, and come back
and pick up these clothes.
I'm not your maid.
"Aren't mothers supposed to have
some kind of protective instinct?
She has no idea what it's like out there
This was so not a perfect day."
My baby!
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, too.
Mom, hurry.
Mom, come on, you're making me late.
Then wake up earlier.
I'm not your chauffeur.
I haven't even had my coffee yet.
Lola, is that my sweater?
Quit stealing my things.
Oh, yeah, Mom, you want me to freeze?
Depends, will it make you nicer?
So here I am, driving you to school,
thinking, "This will be great.
"We can have some good conversation.
We can connect with one another."
But here you are in your bubble
and I'm not in that bubble.
And I'm right here. I'm right here.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What? Here. Here.
Go.
And your reason for being late is?
Well, you're going to laugh.
This is as much as I laugh.
- Did you see her face?
- Yeah, she totally wants me.
Shut up!
So, did you make up with Chad?
No.
Well, I just want you to know that
if I were him, I'd never let you go.
Yeah, but you're not him.
I know we're friends,
but I don't always agree with him.
I know.
And I kind of want us to stay friends.
Me too.
Cool.
Cool.
X-squared equals 9X plus 4B.
B equals 9, C equals 14.
Any questions?
All right, pay attention.
Let's keep it moving, people. Next equation.
Emily, can you solve this?
Do you need some help solving this?
Okay, well, it's not that complicated.
First, to find the range for F,
we must solve for the inverse of...
F to the negative first power.
X equals X plus one over...
X plus one over X minus two.
Yeah, you got that?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Everybody got that?
Sorry I'm late.
Yeah, yeah, come in.
Man, the girls are in heat.
Yeah, you would know.
What?
What's your problem?
That's not funny.
Do you want to go to the principal's office?
What? It's a French baguette.
Sorry I'm late.
- Sorry.
- Hey, enough with the feet. Quiet, please.
And you, put it away. We do not eat in class.
The first one who uses his...
Keep it up,
I'll cancel the spring break trip to Paris.
Hi.
Thanks.
So, my mom wanted to know
if you do any home tutoring classes.
Tutoring for what?
For trig, of course.
For your mother?
No, for me.
Right, right, right. Sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm already all booked up
this semester.
Wait, even on Friday nights?
Yeah. Even on Friday nights.
Well, that's too bad. Yeah.
I guess I'll just... I'll see you around, then?
Yeah, I'll see you in class.
Okay, I'll see you around.
I'll see you in class.
Okay.
When I went to talk to him in the class,
he got all blushy.
- He got all red when I was talking to him.
- Oh, God! He's your teacher.
- No, I don't care.
- Shut up.
Okay, look. Chad's over there.
Do you wanna go?
- No, it's fine.
- Why?
- Why?
- 'Cause she'd be happy if we left.
Why is she always with them?
Because she's a Post-it.
She sticks to everything.
In that outfit, really? No.
I know.
I really like your shirt.
- Yeah, I like what's under your shirt.
- Hey! Stop.
- What up, what up, what up?
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Go ahead.
- Let's go.
It's all right.
So, now that you're giving it up
to everybody,
- I figured maybe I could get some.
- Are you serious?
What was all that about?
- Classy, bro.
- What do you care?
"L hate Chad. I hate every stupid second
I spent obsessing over him!
"What a waste!"
- So, can I come over tonight?
- No, we can't do this every night.
What's the point of being divorced?
"Oh, my God!
Dad's totally hooking up with Mom again!
"Or is it the other way around?
"Whatever it is,
I just can't go through this again."
Okay, so after Jimmy Carter, it was Ron...
Ronald.
Ronald McDonald?
You're so stupid.
Ethan, please try to be human.
Okay, so, Ronald Reagan.
L still can't believe
the secret guy Mom's dating is Dad.
What else is she hiding?
What? What's With that look?
Nothing. Just looking.
Okay, so, keep going. Ronald Reagan...
- Take off your shoes.
- Why? The kids are sleeping.
The floor creaks.
- Like a thief in my own home.
- Ex-home.
You think it's a mistake
I'm seeing my ex-husband again?
Yes?
No?
Could you stop saying...
And just give me a real answer?
Stop it, Ethan!
Jackson!
Stop it.
Jackson, shut up!
Stop it. Shove it up your ass.
Mom, did you hear that?
Lola, language.
Jackson! I'm going to kill you.
I swear to God!
I am so tired of that.
Give it to me. Give it to me.
- Mom!
'You!
Mommy!
Mom, Emily won't let me practice.
It's time for dinner.
Dinner's on the table. You were supposed
to be here a half an hour ago.
Fine, okay. I'm coming back.
- You know your father!
- Okay. Whatever.
Sorry, guys, I gotta bail.
Bail? Dude, we got to practice. Come on.
- No, I'll make it up next time, I promise.
- Make it up?
Bro, we're gonna suck if we don't practice.
Battle of the Bands is coming up.
We're not going to suck, dude.
We're putting in the time.
It's going to be fine, okay?
Dude, these kids practice every day,
all right?
They don't have to go home
when mommy calls.
I'll see you later.
We're so screwed.
All right, come on.
Everybody gets a flyer, okay?
We wanna see you all at the show.
No Shampoo.
Semifinals!
Ladies get in free, come check us out.
No Shampoo. Guys, $10.
Come check them out.
- What kind of music?
- Indie. A little bit of everything.
Well, if you're there, I'm there.
You're passing out flyers now?
Yeah, but apparently, it works better
if you're pretty.
Like you would know.
Don't be jealous.
- Don't worry.
- I never do.
I swear, guys,
if we don't make it through after that...
Oh, my God, you're going to make it.
All right.
- You did so good.
- You think so?
- I know so.
- Thanks.
- "L know so."
- "I know so."
You really are amazing.
No, you're amazing.
Kyle!
You coming?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
We're going to rock it next time.
There he is.
So, where you been?
At Chad's. Working on our history project.
How did it go?
It went really great.
It's about the Industrial Revolution.
Hon, want some soup?
Thank you.
So, hey, Dad, remember that
Battle of the Bands thing I told you about?
The winners, they get a record deal.
It's really more of a showcase,
but we might have a spot.
Pass me the salt.
Did you hear what I said?
Yeah. Did you hear what I said?
We'll talk about music
when your grades are better.
Thank you.
Lola, I said no.
I'm on my way home. I'm at the courthouse.
Because I got a ticket. You know what?
Enough with this inquisition.
I'm going to just see you at home.
Oh, shit!
Really?
Need some help?
Not unless you can fix this.
Not exactly my skill set.
- Then too bad.
- Too bad.
- So, where are we going?
- What?
You can't limp home, and I doubt
you'll find a cab this time of day.
Well, they kept me in there forever.
Stupid asshole cops, giving me a ticket.
Just because
my registration's expired one day.
You're not gonna find a cab.
Trust me, I'm a very safe driver.
Okay.
- Need some help?
- Yeah.
Come on. What are you waiting for?
But, hey, what about your helmet?
The cops will just bust you for anything.
Don't worry about it. We'll be okay.
Have a good one, Detective.
You, too, have a good one.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
Let me help you with that.
It gets stuck sometimes.
Okay.
Thanks. I'm sorry I insulted
your entire profession.
It's okay, I'm kind of used to it.
Appreciate the rescue.
Anytime.
Is he hot?
You're so bad.
It doesn't matter, because I'm not gonna
go out with some random cop.
All right, well then, one night.
Quick and dirty. One night.
No, 'cause that's really not my style.
With a guy?
No, the quick and dirty.
Okay, well, you've been divorced
for more than a year.
It's time to step it up. Get your game on.
Let me tell you something,
if I was a divorced woman...
If you were a divorced woman, what?
Nothing. Nothing.
- Nothing.
- Everything.
I'd sleep with a different guy
every single night. Just like you do.
Oh, really?
Well, I haven't slept with anybody but you.
I'm not talking about you.
I'm talking about men. Men.
You mean us. You mean us men.
The great confederation of bastards.
Hey, look who's here.
- Mom, Jeremy got a scooter.
- Jeremy got a scooter.
Jeremy got a scooter?
- Yeah. Dad said it was cool.
- Surprise!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I got the kid a scooter.
Wait, excuse me. We discussed this.
I think I should get one, too.
I could avoid being late for school.
- It's not gonna happen.
- Why?
Because I'm not gonna go
and be peeling you up off of the sidewalk
because you've splattered...
That's dramatic.
It's not dramatic. And it's not happening.
Whatever.
Where are you going?
I've got to show Jeremy
something on the computer.
How can you make that decision without...
- I know. But I've set the table.
- We'll come back.
It's just we're not really interested
in the senior conversations.
Yeah. Thanks, Dad.
- What?
- Senior...
We're not interested
in your teenage conversations.
- Senior conversations?
- Are you serious?
- She's so polite.
- I'm dyeing my beard.
What do you think?
Not bad. Who is it?
It's my friend, Kyle.
Okay, Mr. Kyle.
Shut up.
Does Lola smoke?
Are you crazy?
Do you smoke in front of her?
Never. What about Jeremy?
Don't worry about Jeremy. He hates drugs.
I think I'm going to surfing camp.
What about you?
I don't know, but my dad
is totally doing my mom again.
No shit. You cool with that?
No. I'm sick of them lying to me
and I know that it's never going to work.
I know the feeling.
So, I need to ask you a favor.
Okay. What do you need?
I need you to sleep with me.
Now, women dont just screw.
Okay? They need an emotional attachment.
- Do we?
- Though I will say this,
that no matter how liberated
you women think you are,
male sexuality and female sexuality,
very different.
Come on, what's the big deal?
It's not like I asked you for euthanasia.
It's just one little favor.
You've known me forever. Come on.
It's not just a little favor.
Okay. What would you say if I asked you?
Yes.
I say no, okay? I respect you too much.
You guys suck with your stupid respect.
Yeah and when we don't respect you,
we're assholes, and when we do, we suck.
All right, fine, next subject.
Why don't you do it with Mr. Kyle?
Because he thinks I did it already,
and if I ask him,
then he's going to know that I'm lying.
And so will Chad.
You women really are nuts.
We are not nuts.
Since Lucy has broken up with Rick,
she's going out with a ton of guys.
Everybody knows that Lucy is a slut.
She's having the time of her life.
And I doubt anyone's farting in her bed.
I'm so sorry.
You used to love my farts.
I was lying to you.
What about you and Allen?
You guys still see each other?
Just with the kids.
Good, because we saw Allen the other day
with the biggest bimbo.
You should have seen this girl.
Remember her, Roman?
Okay, just because he was with her,
doesn't mean he was "with" her.
Darling...
Doesn't mean anything. Okay?
Oh, shit, did I just say something dumb?
Not at all.
Why?
- More pie?
- Yes, please.
- I'd love some. Thanks.
- Yes.
Hey!
Are you seeing someone else?
What?
You heard me.
You mean,
am I sleeping with someone else?
Exactly.
What is wrong with you?
So you're not seeing anyone else
besides me?
I don't know.
I thought we were back together.
Why are you even asking me this?
Are we?
I hate her. Look at her.
- Even her underwear is skankville.
- Totally.
'Cause that is stuff that
they write songs about.
I wish I had her ass, though.
- Come on.
- What?
That ass is a full-time job for her.
You know what,
no matter if I work out and I do anything,
my ass is always going to be flat.
Em? Are those Care Bears on your undies?
Shut up, okay? It's all my mom will buy.
What am I supposed to do about it?
Mom just got a ton of stuff
from Victoria's Secret that doesn't fit.
And she's not gonna return it.
Do you want it?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Yeah, no, I need something
that Colin's going to like.
Who's Colin?
Mr. Ross. The trig teacher.
- Are you kidding me?
- Nope.
- Don't worry about it.
- You're sick.
- Double. Double. Double.
- You're sick.
- You're sick.
- You're sick.
Emily, Emily, free me.
Come on, I love you, please.
- Okay, go bother somebody else.
- I love you.
No, come on.
- Hey, watch it.
- I was just going for the ball.
Hey, Lola, are you okay?
- Let's go.
- It's not funny. Why are you laughing?
It's always funny when someone falls.
Yo, can we play? Come on.
Walk away. Just ignore him. He's a jerk.
- Stop following me.
- You wish.
- Skank-ass ho.
- Stop calling me that!
Stop calling me that!
- Hey, come on. Leave it.
- You're pretty hot when you're mad.
- Screw you!
- Lola, walk away!
- Just get out of here. Leave it. Come on.
- Are you kidding me?
Come on, come on, leave it. Seriously.
- Lola, stop.
- Come on, come on.
- I can't believe I ever dated you.
- Get off, dude.
Kyle, the hero.
Look, it's not my fault.
He won't quit harassing me.
You wish.
Now you guys are harassing me.
Please don't call my mom.
- Give me your phone.
- No, Mom, please, you can't do that.
Yes, I can. Bad grades are one thing,
but this is unacceptable.
- Mom, I swear it's not my fault.
- Whose fault is it, then?
I don't want to talk about it.
Fine! You don't want to talk about it,
then give me your phone.
I don't have it. It's at Janice's.
It's at Janice's. Mom.
No, Mom! That's not fair!
You want to know what's not fair
is me being called out of a client meeting
- because you started a fight in school.
- It's not my fault.
And you know what, that whole little
Friday night get-together deal is off.
Chad called me a ho, okay?
Do you want me to let it go
and say thank you?
Your Chad?
He's not my Chad anymore, Mom.
Why did he call you that?
God, do you have to know everything?
Yeah, I do if you want your phone back.
- That's blackmail, Mom!
- I know.
- Stop.
- And look here.
- You're getting a text from Emily.
- No.
- And she says, "Hey."
- Mom, stop!
Chad slept with somebody else,
so to pretend I was okay with it,
I said that I did, too. Okay?
- Did you?
- No.
Is that all you care about
is if I had sex or not?
No, that is not all that I care about.
I don't want you making stupid mistakes
out of spite.
Baby, I care about you.
I know. I'm sorry, Mom.
Why didn't you talk to me?
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, baby.
Can I have my phone back now?
And have my party on Friday?
Two friends.
Six.
- Four.
- Deal.
"L can't love him, but I do.
I feel so real with him.
"If he figures it out,
it will totally ruin our friendship.
"Okay, I'm just going to have to hide it."
Hey, Lol?
Maybe we should...
I don't want Chad to get the wrong idea.
He's so jealous.
I don't blame him.
Well, I'm flattered
you still want to hang out with me.
I love hanging outwith you.
Go.
- Okay, I'll see you later.
- See you later.
Where's my chicken?
Jackson!
My chicken.
Jackson.
- What?
- My chicken. Where is it?
How should I know?
Oh, really? What is that?
- Mom, I swear...
- I will not tolerate lying in my home.
L hate my life.
Wait, where did you say you were going?
It's just a spa weekend with the girls.
What girls?
Actually, you don't know them.
You have friends that I don't know?
Like who?
So, wait, why aren't Emma and Ethan
going with Dad?
Because he's going out of town
this weekend.
- So, Mom...
- Yes, dear.
- You got this covered?
- Yes, dear.
- She gets to have three friends.
- Only three. I mean it.
- And pizza.
- Only pizza. That's it.
I kind of want Chinese.
And don't let them sweet-talk you,
because they are ruthless.
- Me?
- Really? What a surprise! Chinese it is.
- Okay, here you go.
- Here's your bag.
Are you guys trying to get rid of me?
- No.
- Yes.
- Bye.
'Bye-bye.
- Love you, Mom.
- Love you.
- Party time.
- No way. Three friends.
- Come on.
- Maybe five.
- Come on.
- Just five.
You know when she says three,
she means like 30.
- No, she doesn't.
- Come on. Be cool.
That's as cool as I get.
You knew she was gonna go
spend the weekend with Dad.
Yes, it's so romantic.
They're sneaking around like teenagers.
Unfortunately, teenagers
aren't like that anymore.
Oh, sweet pea.
They're so cute.
I guess so.
- So, do you play basketball?
- Yeah, I play a lot.
- How tall are you?
- I'm about 6'2".
Excuse me, ma'am.
Would you like something to drink?
Thank you, honey.
I'll have a Coke with a little scotch.
Actually, make that a scotch
with a little Coke.
Not so much.
Listen, this is going to help her sleep,
then we're going to party all night.
I'm gonna go to hell.
You're such a chicken.
- Here's your drink.
- Thanks, sweetie.
- So, how is it?
- It's good.
Thank you for making me a drink.
But then she never called me back.
I see you. Where you going?
Wait, I'm going to call you later, all right?
See you, Wen.
Wen, Wen, is that your T-shirt?
I don't know.
Okay, shut up.
No, but is it vintage?
- Is it vintage?
- Or is it new?
- I don't know.
- Are there a lot of them?
Did you borrow it from somebody else?
No, no, it's neither.
Oh, dear God! Okay...
I'm just... Okay.
- I'm gonna go.
- Are you all right?
- I really want to kiss you.
- Me too.
Let's party, yeah!
Friendship is not that easy to turn into love.
Good news, we laughed a lot,
and I just think we both weren't ready.
But still, it was a perfect night.
Bad news?
Mom left Dad again and she came home
a little bit earlier than I expected.
Lola!
Honey, I'll help you with the garbage.
Thanks, Mom, you've done enough.
Hey, Mom.
What first, joints or condoms?
- It wasn't me.
- That's not funny, Mom.
- I can explain.
- I would so love for you to explain.
- I know that this looks bad.
- It looks really bad.
Mom, I had no idea
that these people were coming.
L just had my friends.
People from school showed up.
- I don't know how this happened.
- Mom, how could you let this happen?
Honey, I just don't know.
I can't seem to hold my drinks like I used to.
And what about this?
I wasn't smoking. I don't smoke. Mom!
If I ever catch you with this again,
I am shipping you off to your dad's! Got it?
That would be a dream, huh, Mom?
And don't worry,
I'll see you there in the morning.
Your Paris trip is off. And you're gonna
come back and clean this mess!
"L can't believe I screwed things up this bad.
"Why can't I rewind in real life?
What a mess!"
Lloyd, get your lazy ass over here
so we can rehearse, man. Call me back.
He's not even picking up.
So, how was the party?
It was okay.
Do anything fun?
Well, you know, the grandma was there.
Why is Lola vacuuming, Mom?
Ask her.
Anne.
What do you want?
Would love for us to stop fighting
over nothing.
Nothing? You call sleeping
with random sluts nothing?
- Anne. ..
- I can't... I can't do this.
You know what? You are the best thing
in my life and you are also the worst.
- Anne, I swear, I never slept with any...
- Stop swearing.
And more importantly,
will you stop lying to me? All of you.
I think we just need to stick
to being what we're meant to be.
Which is?
Parents to our kids.
- I got to go.
- Anne, please don't...
This is gonna be good.
Wow. Your sister is hot. Hi, I'm Chad.
She's not my sister.
Actually, I'm her step-mother.
And she's my wife, pal.
Settle down, please. Quiet, please.
Quiet!
Welcome, parents and students.
Hello.
- Oh, my gosh. He's so cute.
- Check him out.
We have a detective
from the Narcotics Division
of the Chicago Police Department.
He's here to talk to you today.
So, please,
give him your undivided attention.
He's got my attention.
What?
Settle... Please, please, be quiet.
I'm sure you all have something better to do
than sit here and listen to some guy
who thinks he's cool and educational.
Yeah!
I hear you, I hear you.
But there's some facts
I need to arm you with.
I have a picture
that shows the detrimental effects
of long-term drug abuse. Take a look.
Now that I have your attention,
I want to show you
the real effects of THC on the brain.
THC is the agent in pot that causes
the high in so-called "soft" drugs.
You look at this image, it's pretty clear
it's not so soft anymore, is it?
Symptoms of cannabis
can range from paranoia to panic attacks,
to symptoms of schizophrenia.
- That was a very good talk.
- I know.
- I hope some of that sticks into your head.
- Okay.
Why are you running?
Because there's someone
that I'd like to avoid.
- There's Janice. I got to go.
- No, no.
- We need to get... We need to get going.
- Hey.
- How you doing?
- Hey, how are you?
Good. How is the heel?
The heel is fine.
Once is coincidence.
Twice, I'm going to have to call that fate.
Is that what you call it?
- Does she know him?
- Oh, God, I hope not.
I think he's going to handcuff your mom
to your bed.
Shut up, shut up. Don't say that.
- Are you coming tonight?
- I'll try, but I'm grounded.
- Your artwork?
- Hey, look, look, look.
- She's up to no good. I told you.
- Really?
She's disgusting. I don't get it.
You know, that was so great, to the...
The talk in there. I...
I'm gonna buy you a drink.
L.-
It wasn't a question.
I'm telling you I'm gonna buy you a drink.
Mom. Can I go to Janice's house?
Just to do homework.
Lola, this is...
- James.
- Hey.
- My daughter, Lola.
- Mom, can I go?
No, you have to do your homework at home.
- This isn't fair.
- What was that?
Nothing. Love you, Mom.
I'll see you at home.
Charming.
You ready for a drink?
- I thought it wasn't a question.
- It's not.
- Okay. This... All right.
- Yeah.
- Have you seen Kyle?
- Yeah, he's in the bathroom.
Hey...
So how was it?
- It was awesome.
- You're disgusting.
- Was it good?
- What do you mean?
Come on, don't lie to me. Just own up to it.
Hey, Lol. What's going on?
What did you tell her?
Nothing. It's not my fault
your little groupie can't take a joke.
Hey, Lol, wait up! Hey, Lol, stop. Please.
I need to go.
- I knew that. Come here.
- Okay, Wen. Stop it. Okay?
- What are you doing?
- What just happened never happened.
Got it?
- You're funny.
- No, I'm serious, okay?
Take this. Wait five minutes. I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding. Wait.
What happened? What did I do?
Get in!
- Hey, Lol, wait up!
- Leave me alone.
What did Ashley say to you?
What did she say to you?
- Kyle, don't play dumb.
- No, seriously.
What's wrong? Come on.
- Don't act like you don't know.
- Hey, Lol, what's your deal?
My deal is that everybody knows
she does guys in the bathroom, Kyle.
Wait. What? You think Ashley and I...
In the bathroom?
Well, at least you can get it on
with someone.
Congratulations.
Wow! I guess we're done.
Lola?
Lola? Sweetie, what is it? What's wrong?
Nothing.
Come on, have something to eat.
It's good to eat when you're sad.
What would you like?
What would taste good?
Nothing right now.
You're not going to turn anorexic now,
are you?
Not from skipping one meal.
No, I saw something on TV.
It goes pretty fast.
- It's not what it is.
- I know.
Nobody's worth your tears, baby.
I'm gonna get you some soup.
Okay. I love you.
No, I saw him.
He was in there with the Post-it.
When?
After that drug assembly thing.
Okay, are you absolutely positive
that it was them?
Yes. Yes. I saw that stupid bag. No offense.
No, it's fine.
Hey, girl! High-five it. Girl, I'll see you...
Here they are.
Shit.
"What's wrong with me?
"Do I have a sign on my head
that says 'Cheat on me'?
"I mean, no surprise from Ashley, but Kyle?
"And since bad things come in threes..."
You know what this report smells like?
What?
No more music. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, too.
The most important thing
is that you're pretty.
You'll get a rich husband.
Great.
Last year, you were on the honor roll.
Mom, it's only one B.
That's exactly my point.
A B in math, a C in history, a D in biology?
Lola, what are you thinking?
I'm not thinking anything, Mom.
Because I don't care
about the population of China
or the division of cells.
The only thing I care about,
the only thing that hurts,
is Kyle and the Post-it.
And howl want to hurt them
as much as they hurt me.
So, who's the guy
we're supposed to make jealous?
The emo one next to the slut.
Nice hair. What a dork.
Come on, he's not that bad.
Shut up and make it look sexy.
Okay.
- Like only you can.
- Yeah, it's true.
- No. I'm not talking...
- Who needs a girl?
- Come on.
- Hey, who is that guy?
- Who's that guy?
- Jeremy. He's cool. Why?
Nothing.
I mean, who drives a stupid red Vespa
in the middle of winter?
- Why do you care?
- Yeah, why do you care?
I don't care. Come on, let's go.
She de-friended me?
Thank you.
So, how's Jeremy?
How's Ashley?
You know I'm not seeing Ashley.
- Can we talk?
- Okay.
No, in private. At your house at 7:00?
Okay.
Okay.
I called you, but you didn't come.
Come on, come here.
Who is it?
It's Ashley.
Why'd you call her over, man?
Hey, boys.
Hey.
Oh, God,
she just always shows up everywhere.
She's like a bad dream.
You just can't wake up from it.
Jesus.
I deal with kids every day.
I know the difference
between a kid in trouble
and a kid testing the limits,
and she sounds really normal.
Don't feel guilty.
With kids, it's always guilt.
If I'm too lenient, I'm guilty.
If I yell, it's even worse.
And then it's like I'm a cop in my own home.
That must be awful.
I keep insulting your profession.
The thing is I'm the one
who is always saying
that a woman should have the same rights
and should be able to enjoy sex
the same way a man does.
I couldn't agree more.
You know what I mean.
I know what you mean.
But it's my little girl.
And now that she's starting
to live life as a liberated woman,
I just don't know if I feel the same.
And I don't even know
what to do about Paris.
I am so confused.
I don't even know what to believe.
It's a school trip.
You should let her go to Paris.
Are you saying this to reassure me,
or is that what you really think?
I think you think too much.
Hey, Lol, it's me.
I'll be there in 10 minutes. Okay.
- Where do you think you're going?
- To Chad's. Excuse me...
Are you that stupid
that you bring pot into my house?
- Oh, please.
- Oh, please?
Did you say, "Oh, please"?
How about, oh, please,
wave goodbye to all this
'cause next year, it's military school.
Oh, you think that's funny?
- Get your hands off my guitar!
- It's my guitar!
Dad, no! What are you doing?
Are you crazy?
No more phone! No more computer!
Hey, Kyle. It's Lola. Remember me?
Whatever. I've been waiting here for an hour.
I'm not an idiot.
Don't ever talk to me again, okay?
Thank you for listening to my meltdown.
It really helped.
It's all part of the job, ma'am.
- It was really nice.
- It was nice.
What are you doing here?
Allen, James...
Allen's the father of my children.
Lola,
she forgot her books in my...
I signed the little permission slip for Paris.
We needed to talk about that.
Should we talk about this now?
Allen.
That's a nice dress.
Night.
You Okay?
Yeah.
I guess I should let you feel guilty in peace.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Good night.
Good night.
Yummy.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, God. You okay?
- Oh, hey.
- Oh, Mr. Ross.
I didn't see you there, I'm sorry.
How are you?
Good, good. Just grocery shopping.
Yeah, me too.
Wow, healthy.
Do you cook a lot?
Yeah, I love to cook.
I love to cook.
I cook all the time.
Emily, did you find the milk?
No, it's not that way.
- But this is my trig teacher, Mr. Ross.
- How are you doing?
- This is my mom.
- Hello.
And my brother.
Hey.
I'm sorry about the home tutoring thing.
I just was already booked up this semester.
Home tutoring for Emily?
Yeah.
No. No, no, sorry.
My fault. I must've gotten her mixed up
with some other student.
Well, teachers should keep their
minds sharpened, shouldn't they? Come on.
- Emily.
- Yeah, no...
Nice meeting you.
Since when do teachers look like that?
Yeah, right?
So, he does his own grocery shopping,
which means he's totally single.
So? You're not going to be
sleeping with your teacher, Em.
Yeah, says who?
Is something wrong with you?
You seem kind of...
I can't quit thinking about Kyle and Ashley.
Lola, it was me, okay?
It was you what?
It wasn't the Post-it and it wasn't Kyle.
It was me.
In the boys' bathroom.
You didn't see her purse. You saw mine.
- Wait, you and Kyle?
- No!
I want to tell you who, but I can't.
Believe me.
Okay, it was just a onetime thing.
I wanted to just get it over with.
So that I would be ready for Mr. Ross
when he was ready.
You know?
Oh, my God. Are you serious?
I wanted to tell you,
but then you did the whole, like,
"Who does it in the boys' bathroom?
"She's a ho!"
Me and Kyle broke up because of this.
Look, I'm really sorry.
I cannot believe you did that.
I can't talk to you right now. I'm sorry.
Okay.
Wow, you're back early for a change.
Wow, look at you doing homework
for a change.
Answer me.
So, about this trip to Paris?
Yes?
Are all your friends going?
Yes.
And if I were to let you go,
would you promise...
Oh, my God.
I promise, I will be so good, Mom.
Please, please, please, please, Mom.
Please, please.
Is that a yes?
Yes, yes! Thank you so much!
Mom, it's not the jungle. It's Paris.
This is what I gave you last time for cramps.
Should I write cramps on it?
Think you'll remember?
I have a brain.
Good for you, angel.
- I'm gonna go pack.
- Good for you.
I found it, sweetie.
Oh, nice. All right, conservative.
What is this? An eye patch?
No, it's Lola's.
She left it here when she spent the night.
I just have to give it back to her.
Oh, really? How many nights
did she spend here? Eighty?
Do you think I'm stupid?
- No, I don't think you're...
- You haven't even left yet,
and if I find any more of these,
you're not going anywhere!
These are for bad girls with bad grades
and no futures!
This is garbage! Garbage!
You promise you're going
to be careful, right?
Why do you keep asking me that?
I really don't feel comfortable with you
staying with a family that I don't know.
Mom, they're French.
They're probably stricter than you.
Okay.
So I have a little something for you,
just to add to your collection.
I love it. Thank you so much.
It's so cute. Thank you, Mom.
- You're welcome.
- I love you.
- Let me put it on.
- Yeah.
It's so cute.
You promise, right? To be careful?
- I promise. Stop asking.
- Okay.
- No, no.
- What?
- No. No.
- Mom!
Mom, I don't have any warm sweaters.
You have a ton.
They're all scratchy. This one is soft.
Yeah, well, six-ply cashmere, it better be.
- Mom, please. Please, Mommy.
- No. No.
Mommy, I'm going to be cold,
and when I wear it, I'll think of you
and how much you love me
and how much I love you
and how much I miss you, Mom. Please.
Please. It's my favorite...
You are such a pain in the ass.
Unbelievable.
- Do not stretch this out.
- I won't.
I'm gonna get some water.
Do you want some?
I'm good, thank you.
Are we cool, Lola?
Yeah, we're cool.
Look, I can just go talk
to him right now, okay?
It's fine.
All right. I'm gonna get some water.
Hey, what's the matter?
She's still mad at me. I'm getting water.
Hey.
Mrs. Chandler, where are we?
This is terrible.
Come on, we're here.
There are your families.
Come on. Get down quickly, girls!
Okay, where is the Eiffel Tower?
- Oh, my God.
- Is that sheep?
Mrs. Chandler, can I go home?
When you said we were going to Paris,
what did you mean?
We're only 20 minutes away. Okay?
This is a way to say hello.
It's a French hello.
What's up?
Dude, I've seen this in a horror film.
It does not end well.
- We got to get out of here.
- Don't discriminate, bro.
Discriminate? Are you kidding me?
Don't say that to me.
Oh, my God. I need a hotel now.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Hello.
Oh, great.
I miss you, too.
It's nice here.
Welcome to the psych ward.
Okay, Mom, I gotta go.
My battery's about to die
and I got to find an adapter, okay?
They don't have one.
This family is so weird.
- Love you.
- Okay, bye.
She said her family is weird.
I knew that I shouldn't let her go.
- Why are they weird?
- They're not weird. They're French.
And how could I forget
to send her with an adapter?
Well, you've given her life, that's enough.
- You know what? I have to go.
- Where are you going?
You know what?
Do you guys have homework?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I thought so. Let's get on it.
So, do you like him?
'Who?
'Who?
- Starsky.
- Mom, would you not call him that?
And I haven't even thought about it.
Don't bullshit me, dear.
I haven't. Really.
I just hate it when everyone
acts like your life is over
if you don't have a man.
There's nothing wrong with
getting back on the horse, you know.
So, where is he taking you?
Mom, would you quit asking me questions?
You don't have to know everything.
How do I look?
You look adorable.
Now, don't forget to take a sweater
and other things to protect yourself.
- Mom!
- I mean it.
She's like Mom with Lola.
Hey, come on. What about that homework?
Let's get on it, chop, chop, chop.
Have fun.
That thing is so creepy.
- Oh, my God, it is so cold in here.
- I know.
What? French people don't have heat?
- No, it's just these creepy Joan of Arc fans.
- Why?
Because she was burned at the stake!
Lola, why are you still mad at me?
Because I would never do to you
what you did to me.
Yeah, but you don't really even
know what happened,
and if you knew, you would not be upset.
'Cause you won't tell me!
Okay, but if I tell you,
do you promise that you won't tell anybody
and you won't laugh at me?
Promise.
- You swear? Okay.
- Swear! Come on.
- What?
- Oh, God!
- Come on, tell me.
- Oh, my God! I can't.
It was Wen.
You said you wouldn't laugh!
- You said you wouldn't laugh.
- Okay, I get why you lied.
So, James, what do you do for a living?
I'm a cop.
- Narcotics.
- Take that.
Just breathe. Take it easy.
I only smoke because of my sciatica.
- Sciatica?
- He is so full of it.
- No, I'm not.
- No, sweetheart, it's okay.
He's a cop!
Stop.
No, no,no, no.
Okay.
Lola?
Lola?
Oh, my God!
You're a genius. Nice muscles.
We're going to go to bed.
- Thanks, man. You're great.
- Screw you. This is the second time.
Deaf-mute.
- Why is it so complicated in Chicago?
- I don't know.
It's not complicated here.
- Hey, Lol.
- Yeah?
Can you do me a favor?
Can you keep my guitar back in Chicago?
You're the only person I can trust.
Sure.
- Can I tell you something?
- What?
It's actually my first time.
It's my first time since my divorce.
It's so good to love someone
so much it hurts.
I don't know how people survive this.
Honestly, I don't.
- Hey.
- Hey, what's up?
How did it go? I want the scoop.
- What scoop?
- On Paris.
It was cool.
Okay, well, what did you do?
School stuff. It was like, the Eiffel Tower,
which is beautiful.
And learned some French.
It was nothing special.
What about you?
- Me?
- Yeah, what did you do?
Really nothing special.
Okay, are you scared?
Well, if he kisses you on the lips,
it means he's cool being your boyfriend.
If not, forget it.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Okay, yeah.
- Okay. No. Come on.
- I love you.
So, is your old man
going to let you play the gig?
Or are we going to have to tunnel you out?
Are you kidding?
There's no way I'm going to let my dad ruin
our chance at getting signed.
This is huge, right?
I mean, it's like the biggest chance
we have, dude.
Maybe your parents could adopt me.
Yeah, but then my brother
could be hooking up with my ex-girlfriend
in my own house.
Look, man, about that.
- You just got to get over it.
- It's cool.
Look, just keep it real with me,
and we'll be cool.
I mean, we're like brothers, right?
This is so awesome.
You're a sociopath.
Okay, no, I'm not doing this.
How many pigs had to die for this class?
Where's PETA?
What do you think
they test all your ho makeup on?
Stop calling every girl a ho.
It's getting old, okay?
- Yeah, whatever, ho.
- Thank you.
Welcome.
Yeah, it comes from the heart.
- Oh, my God.
- That is so gross!
Kyle, stop!
Are you kidding me
with this room right now, Lola?
It is a pigsty-
All right, will you get out of my stuff?
You're never going to find
anything in there anyway.
Well, if I can't find my sweater, then
you're losing your computer for a month.
All right. Love you, Mom, love you, Mom.
"Emily's lie totally worked,
"and I finally got to have sex with Kyle.
Sex with Kyle."
This is the worst thing
you can do to your child, isn't it?
To betray their secrets.
I feel terrible.
So tell her.
- What?
- All of it.
That you found her diary.
That you know everything. Tell her.
But she would never forgive me.
Hello.
So, you wanted to talk?
I'm listening.
Yes, I want to talk about Lola.
Did you order?
Don't you start.
- What?
- I have a therapist
who says... and it drives me crazy.
Did you tell her how you're doing someone?
I am not doing anyone.
Oh, I'm sorry, yes. You're right.
It's men who do sluts.
You women are always making love
to incredible gentlemen.
Just stop it. This is really not the time.
This is a great time for me.
But I forgot I'm speaking
with Miss Moral High Ground.
Lola's doing drugs.
She's smoking pot.
She's a mess right now.
Well.
You are her role model.
Yeah.
When she hears about your new sex life,
I can't wait for that.
- Hey.
- You're an idiot. An absolute idiot.
Hey...
I'll see you later.
Come on, let's go!
- I gotta go.
- Now. We're gonna be late.
- Hello, Anne.
- Hi.
- Love you.
- Okay.
That was cold.
Well, I'm not crazy about you
hanging outwith that girl.
That girl is my best friend.
I'll hang outwith her if I want to. It's my life.
- What?
- It's my life.
You're my daughter, my responsibility.
And until you turn 18, there's a few things
that I won't tolerate.
- Really, like what?
- Like messing up your life.
I'm not messing up my life.
Smoking pot, drinking alcohol,
sleeping around.
- What do you call that?
- Where'd you get that?
I read your diary, okay?
- What? What?
- It was an accident.
I was looking for my sweater and it fell out...
That is not an accident! It did not fall!
It was hidden, Mom!
Well, at least we now know
we're on the same page.
Yeah, you're a liar! Are you kidding?
You had no right to do that!
That is my private stuff!
God, you're a bitch!
Lola! Lola!
Lola!
Lola!
This house needs a man.
- What about me?
- Oh, sweetie.
We just need to talk.
- Where are you going?
- To Dad's! Do you mind?
No, not at all.
I'll even be happy to drive you...
No! I got it.
Bye.
Come here.
My baby. I know. I know, sweetheart.
It'll be okay. She'll come back.
- I was never that bad, was I?
- Well, sometimes you were.
I'm putting garlic in the sauce.
No.
Yes!
- Emily, it's dinner!
- I'm coming!
Is the image of the J-F-K triangle
by translation of vector I-D,
the E-A-F triangle or the E-F-J triangle?
'Okay- Yes?
- Wen?
You do know what a vector is, right?
Yeah, like Hannibal Vector?
Cute. Look. Are you texting?
What are you doing? I wasn't even on that...
Okay. I need you to focus on this.
I told you what a vector is.
You asked what a vector is.
I told you what it is.
HEY,
I didn't get a chance to thank you
for covering for me at the supermarket.
Emily, there's no need to thank me.
But, Emily, you are a beautiful girl,
and you're also a smart girl.
And smart girls don't need lies and tricks
to get what they want out of life.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, totally. Okay.
And also, Wen is very nice. He's a good kid.
But maybe you could inspire him
to focus a little bit more on his schoolwork.
- Okay.
- And also the picture on his cell phone.
Get him to change it.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, I'm gonna... I'll do that.
Okay. Good-bye.
I caught you. You just ate some cream.
- I did.
- I'm going to eat some chocolate.
This doesn't make it my favorite.
See, I like the cream the best.
I like the chocolate.
Yeah, you're just like your mother.
Complicated?
Very-
"Dear Mom, I'm sorry
if what you read in my journal
"made you feel differently about me,
"but the truth is,
I wanted to tell you everything in there,
"but I was scared.
"Scared of what you'd think of me,
and scared that you'd blame yourself;
"which you shouldn't.
"I know I've been a real handful this year.
And I haven't appreciated your love.
"Since I left, I'm not crying because I'm sad.
"It's because I made you sad,
and you so don't deserve it.
"I know we're both
just coming from our own sides,
"but maybe we could meet in the middle.
"I miss you so much it hurts.
"Love, Lola."
- I missed you so much.
- Missed you, too.
- Sorry.
- It's okay. I'm sorry, too.
Battle of the Bands.
Check it out.
- Battle of the Bands. Finals.
- Battle of the Bands.
- I'm out.
- That was quick.
I don't know. If I go home before the show,
my dad won't let me out.
Wait, you said you had this taken care of.
You got to figure out something
and we can't go to my house.
Okay, well, you guys figure it out
and let me know,
but I got to go change.
Got to do something.
- For you?
- Hit me.
Mom? Can I ask you a favor?
Already? Yes?
It's like... You would be
the best mom in the whole, wide world.
- What do you want?
- I just have a few friends
that need to do band practice. Come here!
This is Kyle. You remember Kyle, right?
- Yes. Hi.
- Nice to meet you again.
He has this show thing.
You're the best. Bye!
- Thank you.
- Hi!
You're the best mom in the world.
Kyle!
That's it. He's done.
We have our results,
and the winner of the Battle of the Bands
is No Shampoo!
Let's have them sing another song!
Thank you!
This song is for someone
who means a lot to me.
I guess if I've learned anything this year,
it's that you can pretend to be
anyone you want.
But when it comes to love,
I mean real love,
the best thing is just be yourself.
Truth is, me and Mom aren't so different.
After all this, we're finally ready
to let each other grow up.
And it's nice to know,
no matter what happens,
we'll always be there for each other.