Magic Carpet Rides (2023) Movie Script

1
(calm music)
(dramatic music)
(slow upbeat music)
- Then I was gonna
suggest that place, Margo,
because it's like kind
of perfect vibes.
Like, it's not too romantic,
but it's like not boring.
It's for sure trendy
without being like,
oh my God, she's so la.
You know what I mean?
But the food's not that good,
and I wasn't sure if you
were gonna wanna get food.
And then I was like, oh,
I don't want them to think
like I have bad taste in food.
Oh, did you wanna get food?
- No, no, I'm good.
And I like this place.
- Okay, cool.
Yeah, me too.
Am I being awkward?
- No.
No, no, not at all.
- I think I just feel awkward
because I ordered a drink
and then you ordered water
and no, I'm like spiraling.
So are you sure you
don't wanna get a drink?
- No.
No, I'm sure.
- Okay.
Whatever you say.
- I'm six months sober.
- Oh.
Congratulations.
- Thanks.
(playful music)
- Leo. (giggling)
Wait, where are we
going? (giggling)
- We're almost there.
- Oh, seriously, where
are you taking me?
- We're almost there.
- Oh my God.
You like have a boat?
You live on a boat?
Oh my God.
(waltz music)
Oh my God.
Rose petals?
That's just like season
four episode seven
of "Love is Deaf."
You remembered. (giggling)
- No, no, no, no.
The pink ones are the best ones.
- I'm not budging on this.
The red is better.
- You're so wrong.
- I'm wrong?
- You don't even know
how wrong you are.
- You don't even know
how wrong you are.
(phone vibrating)
Sorry, I gotta take this.
- Oh, okay.
- Dude, you gotta relax.
I will personally see to it
that his asshole is torn apart.
No, I'm on a date right now.
You wanna talk to her?
Okay, fine.
Hey, can you just
say, "Hi, Cliff?"
- Hi. (chuckles)
No, we didn't.
No, we're not.
I don't plan to.
- I had no idea what I
wanted to be when I grew up,
but then when I was 14, I went
to go see "The Lion King,"
and I was like, wow,
I wanna do that.
Yeah, I then saw Santa dude.
I was like, maybe I don't
wanna do that.
But then I saw "West Side
Story" and I was like,
oh my God, I'm an
actor. (laughs)
- Uber's taking a while.
Do you wanna?
Sorry, do you wanna come
back to mine for a drink?
(waltz music)
- No.
- Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
That was dumb.
I actually didn't want to.
- Oh, perfect.
(waltz music)
(waltz music continues)
- Did you want like a salad?
- I like salad.
- You like salad?
I know you got got
the green on you.
- That remind you of salad?
- Yeah.
- Do you wanna get some shots?
- Ooh, shots.
- Let's do it.
- And I was like, I should
audition to be a
Disney princess.
Because my eyes are
like really big
and wide apart, you know?
Don't it guy look like one?
- Yeah.
- You kinda look like a prince.
We could be a prince
and a princess.
That'd be kind of fun.
(both laughing)
- Okay.
That's my Uber.
- That's your Uber.
Okay.
Bye.
- See ya.
- Nice to meet you.
(car revving)
(waltz music)
(waltz music continues)
- It's to remember me by.
(waltz music)
- You're not real.
(waltz music)
(bright music)
- That was the worst
date of all time.
Literally, you guys, I'm waking.
(bright music)
- How are you?
- You're amazing.
- You guys are sucking up now
because you know you're
supposed to be here by 10.
- Oh.
- What?
- We tried so hard to
get here on time,
but it just did not
align with our journey.
- Yes, Dusty had a very
aggressive journey last night,
so it made our journey out of
the house tonight really hard.
- So hard.
- So hard.
- Come on.
- Oh my gosh.
- I love you and I cherish you.
- I love you.
- I'm literally gonna
eat your face.
- You're like objectively hot.
- Are you Callie Girl?
- Oh yeah.
- Oh my God.
I'm like such a fan.
I follow you for forever.
- I'm so sorry.
You've seen such terrible
content.
- (giggles) No, it's not.
Will you take a selfie with me?
- Oh, um.
- What a bitch.
- It's okay. Come on.
- How do I find not
terrible men?
- Manifest it, babe.
You gotta put out into the
world the energy that you want.
- Do you think I'm putting
in the world
that I want terrible men?
- Oh my gosh. No.
- Honestly, maybe.
No.
No, no.
No.
- Definitely not.
But maybe you are getting
in your own way.
- Wait, what does
that mean though?
- Are you gonna do at VidCon?
- Ah, my God.
I hate that you asked
that question
because I can't do the course
I wanted to teach on eyebrows
and what it says about
your personality,
because literally,
10 other people
are gonna be doing
the same thing.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay.
But what if you made it funny?
- Yeah, I guess I can
make it funny.
- I think I'm just gonna
do a panel on identity
so I can like, phone it in.
- Callie, I feel like you
should do a speed dating thing
where you host it like
your toxic girlfriend.
- Oh my God.
She's like, "Ah,
hi, and welcome.
Shut the fuck down."
No.
- That's awesome.
That's me.
- I'm not gonna go to
VidCon this year.
- Wait, what?
- What?
- Why?
- You?
- No, I just like, I haven't
heard anything about it,
and so I feel like I might
not be featured this year,
which is fine.
- Oh my God.
You didn't get the email?
- Callie.
I mean, you have been
saying you wanna lean more
into hosting anyways, right?
Maybe this is a sign
from the universe
and like a hosting gig is
gonna pop up that weekend.
And thank God you weren't
committed to VidCon
so you can do it.
So excited for you.
This is great.
- Oh my God.
Is that Chantal Diamond Head?
- I live for Chantal.
- No, no.
I hate the Diamond Head family.
- What?
- Okay.
So I on vacation and
I met one of them
then I stopped all of them,
then I followed all of them,
but then they didn't
follow me back.
So I unfollowed them.
And now, I'm in a fight with
the whole fucking family.
- I don't think it's a fight
if the other person doesn't
know that you're fighting.
- I think you should
go say something.
They should know how bad
that they hurted you.
- Hold me back, guys.
Hold me back.
- Oh no.
- Oh my God.
Do it, Dessy.
- Don't fight.
Your little bones will break.
- Chantal would kick your ass.
(upbeat music)
- I keep telling this nim watts.
These shit coins are
not a pump and dump.
If you're smart, you
play the pump.
You don't care.
- I am trying really
hard to care. (chuckles)
- Last call.
- Oh.
- Do you wanna get an Uber?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- And then when I was
four, I was like,
oh, pizza hurts my stomach.
And I guess that's
like when I knew.
- This is the dairy?
- Yeah.
No, that's what I'm
talking about.
I really have to pee.
- You ever tried camel's milk?
- What?
- Camels milk.
- No.
- What the fuck is
up with this guy?
He's back to eight minutes.
- Oh my God, I can't, I can't.
I really have to pee.
Can I please go?
- We're close.
- It's an emergency.
- Sorry, I can't do it.
- I'm gonna be right back.
You stay here.
I'm gonna be right back.
- Hey, mom.
(playful music)
- What the fuck?
You're peeing on me.
Stop.
Stop peeing. Stop peeing.
You're peeing on me.
- You're peeing on me.
- Oh my, you peed on my toes.
- You peed on my shoes.
- You peed on my toes.
You could be arrested for
sex offending peeing outside.
- Oh yeah?
- Do you know that?
- You couldn't?
- When's the last time
you were tested for STDs?
- You can't get STDs
through pee.
- Oh, don't mansplain
STDs to me.
- What?
- Are you gonna like,
clean my toes?
- No!
- Or apologize or anything?
- No, you also peed on me.
- Bye.
Thank you for peeing
your STDs on me.
- I don't have STDs.
Hey, did you guys see a guy?
He's like...
He's like a crypto guy.
Fuck.
(playful music)
Can you call me an Uber?
Hello?
- What?
- Can you please call me an
Uber because my phone's dead
and my friends are gone.
- I don't have a phone.
- Oh.
How convenient for you.
Fucking asshole.
(waltz music)
Are you following me?
- Am I following you?
- Yeah, are you following me?
- No, no.
No, no.
I just, this is like
the only path to walk.
- Why are you walking?
- Well, my bike broke down.
After you.
Oh my God.
I'm not following you.
- Okay, but can you
like, walk ahead of me?
'Cause it's freaking me out now.
- I'm freaking you out?
- Yeah.
I can feel your eyes.
It's like the beginning
of a horror film.
- So you're scared of me?
- No, I'm not.
- This is a horror film?
- I'm not scared of you.
You're a man walking by.
I'm scared of men.
- Oh.
- I'm scared of like, all men.
- Right, okay.
All men.
- Yeah.
- Not just some all men.
- And some large women.
- What'd you say, large women?
- Some large women, yeah.
- Oh, okay.
- But seriously, can
you walk ahead?
- Yeah, absolutely.
I will do that.
(gentle music)
- It's weird.
- It's weird.
- It's super weird.
- Yeah, it's very weird.
Can you just go ahead?
- Why, you wanna
look at my butt?
- Wow.
No, I don't wanna look
at your butt.
I can just feel your eyes
in the back of my neck.
- I'm not even looking at you.
- You're looking at me, okay.
You're look, you're just...
- Just come on.
- Yeah, all right. Fine.
- Just go the same.
- Same what?
- Walk the same line as me.
(gentle music)
- You all right?
- Yeah.
Wasn't expecting to wear
these this long.
(gentle music)
I'm Callie.
- Leo.
- Leo.
- Are you cold?
- No.
- No?
- Do you think you could
film me and text it to me?
I really wanna make a video
about how that guy
left me at the bar
and then if I could cut to
my feet walking in the heels
and then have that mouth
filter, you know.
It's the big mouth.
And have them shout,
like, "Save us."
But my phone's dead.
I could like tag you.
- Right.
- If you wanted.
- Yeah, I just don't
have a phone.
- Oh, you were serious
about that?
- Yeah.
- What happened to your phone?
- Nothing, I just
don't have one.
- You don't own a phone?
- Nope.
- Why don't you own a phone.
- I just don't own a phone.
I don't need it.
- What do you mean you
don't need a phone?
- I mean, I don't need a phone.
- But how do you like,
call people or look stuff
up or get directions?
Or can you even buy
anything without a phone?
- Do you need to answer
these questions individually
or is this like a
global sort of?
- No, okay.
- Philosophical.
- Okay.
Like what do you do for work?
- I work on boats.
- It's weird.
Okay, so don't they need
to call you and be like,
"Hey, can you come work
on this boat at 12:15?"
- No, it's kinda hard for
me to miss an appointment
'cause I live on the dock.
- You live on a dock?
- Yeah, I live on the dock.
- Are you a merman?
- No.
- Oh my.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're homeless?
- Are you serious?
- Are you not homeless?
- No, I live on a boat.
- Is that not the same
as being homeless?
- No. (chuckles)
What do you do for work?
- I'm a content creator.
- You're a what?
- Yeah, I'm an influencer.
Run for your life.
- Oh my God.
- Nobody's safe.
- I didn't say that.
Sorry your date left
you at the bar.
- He wasn't my date.
- He looked like he
was your date.
- Yeah, well, not everybody's
what everything they look like.
- That stuff's all
pretty fake, yeah?
- What stuff?
- Like the influencer stuff?
It's fake.
- Fake, how?
- Like when you're talking,
it's not really you talking,
it's like a fake you talking.
- Ah, no, there's not a fake me.
- It's like a persona.
- I wouldn't say that
there's a fake me.
I talk about my real life.
It's really me.
I don't have any filters.
I vomit everything out.
- Would you do that?
- Like in real life.
- Why would you do that?
- Because I do that.
- But when you're talking,
you're not talking to anybody.
- I'm talking to everybody.
- That sounds lonely.
- It's not lonely.
- Okay, let me ask
you something.
When you're selling
soap to people,
you believe they
should buy that?
- No, but everybody knows that.
Everybody knows, oh, that's
just how she makes her money.
Like, I'm so sorry.
I'm really sorry for
having a job.
- But it's not just a job.
It sounds like it's your life.
- It is just a job.
And I don't sell soap,
I've never sold soap.
- It's just a job.
Why do you keep checking
your phone?
- I don't know.
I guess I'm just addicted
to work.
(gentle music)
- Still walking in
the same line.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
- This is me.
- Checks out.
- So thank you for
walking me home.
The conversation was really
weird, but the safety was nice.
Bye.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(horn blowing in distance)
(slow upbeat music)
- Thank you.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
- Oh, bless you.
- Okay, now you literally
need to tell me everything.
- So thank you for
walking me home.
- No.
He's cute.
- I suck and put my
tongue in that.
- Did he sleep over?
- Is he circumcised?
- No, he walked me home.
Why are you watching
our ring footage?
- Because I don't remember
how I got home last night.
So I needed the reading
footage to replenish my memory.
- Yeah, you came home with me.
Remember you were crying
'cause Jake Gillen all.
- Who's the dude, Cal?
- He's no one.
He lives on a boat and
he doesn't have a phone.
He's super weird.
- Callie.
- What?
- Did you look at it?
- No.
He peed on me.
- I remember when a
dude peed on me.
That shit is different.
- So we peed on each
other in an alley.
- Hot.
- So hot.
- Really hot.
- Did you ask if
he has any STDs?
- Okay, so what's happening?
- I will literally never
see him again.
- Bummer.
- That Thomas guy messaged
me again.
- Hey, second date.
- He asked me for pics.
- Gross, always fucking pigs.
- I know, but then he
asked me out again.
- We can't be rewarding
that behavior.
- But I feel-
- No, Callie, no.
- Okay, but maybe he was
like drunk or something.
- No, we don't make
excuses for boys.
- But like I could give
him a second chance.
- Yeah, maybe.
- Not maybe, no.
- Not maybe, no.
- Gross, ew.
- Oh, Dessa.
- I'm gonna be alone forever.
- Not forever.
Just for now.
(slow upbeat music)
(slow upbeat music continues)
(slow upbeat music continues)
Oh my God. Yum.
Okay, not only, fuck.
Oh my God. Yum.
Not only is Wow Walk so
freaking good, you guys.
It's made with all natural
ingredients.
Mmm.
(slow upbeat music)
(phone vibrates)
Sorry, I got stuck in traffic.
- That's okay, hun.
We're glad you made it.
(waltz music)
- Why is Bella here?
- Bella's basically
part of the family now.
- Emmet's girlfriend's not
part of the family now.
No offense, Bella.
- I mean, like a little
bit was definitely taken.
- Yeah, don't be a dick, Callie.
- Emmet, you don't think it's
weird to bring your girlfriend
in family therapy?
- Mom brings Dan.
He's not in the family.
- Emmet.
- That's okay, Margaret.
I know that statement was meant
to hurt Callie and not me.
- It's almost like you don't
even need therapy anymore
the way that you've
mastered it, Dan.
- Thank you, Callie.
- Okay, are we all ready
to start now?
- I don't feel that
I was overstepping
and asking Emmet not
to drink at the house.
- I feel that it was messed up
that you took our bottle, bruh.
We paid bags for that shit.
- I know that I shouldn't
be here because I'm an adult
and I don't live with them
and I don't give a shit
if Emmet's fucked up.
- It makes no sense to
spend 3,500 a month in rent
to live 15 minutes away
from your house.
And you should be around family
in case you have
another episode.
- Oh, you're not supposed
to call it an episode.
She's not supposed to
call it an episode.
- Margaret, we discussed this.
Callie has the right
to her own independence
and she really doesn't
have to be here
if she doesn't want to.
- She has to be here.
And I feel like you're not
the right fit for our family
if you think that.
- I'll just say low key.
Like (laughs) I would never
live with my parents at 26.
At 26, I'm gonna be like
married, have two kids.
I'm going to have my
own makeup line.
I'm gonna have a house
in the hills.
- Yeah, I mean, her makeup shit
is hiking and aesthetic bro.
- Yeah.
But like Callie, you're
not even married.
So I guess it's just like
a different situation.
- Yeah, it's a completely
different situation.
I don't think she
should be here.
- Callie, that's enough.
Bella's at the house every
day and I barely see you
except for Pilates therapy
and birthday dinners.
- That's a lot.
I feel like that's a lot.
- I'm worried about my daughter.
All she does is work and
she's not dating anybody.
- So what?
I should just like,
settle for anyone?
- Maybe now is a good time
for us to take a group breath.
- You know what?
I was just going
to suggest that.
Dan, you are getting
good at this.
- My.
- Okay, everyone.
One hand on the heart,
one on the belly.
Deep breath in. (inhales)
Out.
(people exhale loudly)
In.
Out.
(people exhale loudly)
Good. Good.
One more time, in.
Out.
(people exhale loudly)
Very good.
Good.
- I would never leave
this family like that.
I'm giving up if you
wanna stay with me
Baby you should go
now (indistinct)
I'm giving up if you
wanna stay with me
- Hot shot.
Leo!
Come on, man.
We've got a charter.
- That's today?
- You didn't get my note.
- Oh shit.
Are you sure?
- They should fire you.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We're good.
I think it's tomorrow.
It's...
It's today.
It's my bad.
- No, if you had a
phone, I could text you.
- I'd like to be surprised.
- Wait on you, yeah.
By the way, some lady
came walking down the
docks last night.
I think she was looking
for your boat.
Couldn't tell the one you
made the rose fells out.
- It always stay like that.
- Maybe a blonde.
- Hey, guys.
- Mr. Casta Nova, why
don't you join us?
- Well, Dusty, I gotta
go to work.
You remember what that's like?
- Oh, I don't remember
anything before yesterday.
Maybe later.
- You'll be passed out by seven.
- Not if I have to keep
listening to music
coming from this guy.
- Believe me, you want
the music loud.
- Okay, thanks, guys.
I'll see you later.
(bright music)
- What do I have to lose?
The guy already asked
me for nudes
so expectations are
low, you guys.
Expectations are
low on this one.
(romantic music)
- [Waitress] Would you
like another water?
- I'm sorry, what?
- Would you like another water?
- Oh, sure.
Thank you.
- Of course.
And we are still waiting
on one more?
- Yeah.
I think it should just
be a couple minutes.
- No problem.
There is a 90-minute
limit on the tables.
But seriously, no rush.
(waltz music)
- Hey, thanks, Tom.
(waltz music)
(waltz music continues)
(waltz music continues)
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're the girl that peed on me.
- Yeah, say that
a little louder.
- She peed on me.
- No, I don't.
I don't pee on people.
I don't.
- No, she peed on me.
- I don't pee on people.
- Are you eating alone?
- Yup.
Yeah.
Can't a woman eat alone?
- Well, I could eat.
- It's okay.
I was gonna leave anyways.
I don't really feel alone.
Yeah.
- Well now I'm eating alone.
Now I'm sad eating alone.
- Okay.
Sure.
- Yeah?
(jazz music)
- Sorry.
I'm almost done.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay, done.
- Not done.
Was almost done.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, I'm done.
Done.
- You're seriously addicted.
- I'm not addicted.
Look.
- Oh, for me?
- Sure.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I'm just gonna put
it right there.
- Totally fine.
- It's totally fine.
We're good.
So who's the guy?
- What guy?
- The guy who's supposed
to be sitting here.
- Oh, well...
He's this guy.
We went on one date and it
was actually really good
and then it got weird
at the end.
And then he messaged me
again and I was like,
okay, well maybe I'll
give him a second chance
because maybe he was
having an off day
when he asked me for nudes.
But I don't think he's gonna-
- But he asked you for nudes.
- Yeah, and that part was weird.
I know that part was weird.
- Did you send them?
- No, oh my God. No.
I'm looking for love.
Not starting an OnlyFans.
- What's an OnlyFans?
- It's like a sex thing.
It's like an online sex thing
or I guess they send
me an email being like,
"We have a violinist.
It's not just sex."
But everybody knows
it's purely sex.
(jazz music)
- Are you good?
- Hmm?
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just,
I feel like I'm just
a little hyper aware
because I feel like he
might have texted me
saying he's still coming
and then he is gonna walk
in and see me with you
and he's gonna cause a scene.
And the only thing that's on
the menu that's gluten-free
and dairy-free is a side salad.
So I'm just imagining
him running in,
making a scene and I'm
sitting here in a restaurant
eating a side salad
and that would look
really fucking obnoxious.
- So you're allergic
to gluten and dairy?
- No, I just, I only
eat it on Saturdays
and the third Wednesday
of every month.
- Why only the third Wednesday?
- That's when I get my period.
- Okay.
Well I think that you should
order whatever you want, Callie
'cause nobody gives a shit.
- Everybody gives a shit.
- Nobody gives a shit.
- I give a shit.
- Then stop.
Just stop giving a shit.
- I can't just stop
giving a shit.
- Yes you can.
I think you only care 'cause
you think everybody else cares.
- Well, I mean, people
like, look at me.
- People look at you?
- Yeah.
- Who?
Who in here?
I'm the only person
you're looking at.
- Okay, that guy's literally
filming me.
- I'm just gonna...
- No, can you please,
don't do that.
Please don't do that.
- Pardon me.
Hi. Sorry.
- Hi.
- Are you filming her?
- No, I just can't really
see my menu.
It's kinda dark in
here, so I was...
I wouldn't be filming her.
- Right.
- That'd be weird.
- That would be weird.
Sorry, thank you.
Enjoy your dinner.
The simone salad is wonderful.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi, good evening.
Sorry to interrupt your dinner.
Do you know this young woman?
- No.
- Yeah, I'm not her
date by the way.
Her dates stood her up.
I'm just sort of a-
- Oh no.
- Kinda like a stand-in date.
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
Enjoy your dinner.
Sorry.
Well.
- Yeah, that's hilarious.
No one cares about me.
That's really funny.
- No, that's not.
I'm just saying that people
are only thinking
about themselves.
Like you shouldn't care so much.
- Yeah, until they're not.
And they're posting Instagrams
of you eating sour cream
on your taco saying
you're hypocrite
'cause you say you
don't need dairy.
And then apparently, did
you know Mexican food?
Like real Mexican food
doesn't have sour creams?
- Everybody knows it.
- So.
Okay well, apparently,
it's cultural appropriation
if you put sour cream
on your taco,
so then you start getting
death threats in your DMs
because you're insensitive.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
I had to post an apology
video and then they tore that
to shreds because I
smiled at the end.
- Well Callie, why would
you even do it then?
Why do any of this?
It doesn't seem worth it.
- I mean it is worth it.
Look, I'm not just
a clout chaser.
It's like a means to an end.
It's a vehicle.
I wanna host my own show.
You have to be someone
before you can be someone.
- You wanna host your own show?
- Yeah.
- That's really cool.
- Yeah, that would be really
cool if it ever happened.
(Callie exhales)
- Hey, Maria.
I'm sorry.
- Wait, you know her?
- Yeah.
Can we get a bottle of
your finest cheapest cap?
- The mythic blend?
- Mythic blend.
Yeah, that's the one.
And then can we get a margarita
pizza but with a pesto base
instead of the olive.
And then let's do a
side of Parmesan fries.
We'll separate the Parmesan,
we'll do the Javier sauce
extra with that.
And let's do a side of wings
and a gluten-free, dairy-free
side salad.
- You can...
I don't need the side salad.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Is that all?
- Yeah, thank you.
- Okay.
- You order like a child.
- They have a good ice
cream here too.
- So like personal style
is different than like
being trendy.
So like, you can have
personal style
but doesn't necessarily
follow trends.
But if you're trendy, you're
like following the trends
but you don't necessarily
have personal style.
So it depends if you
wanna be trendy
or you wanna have
personal style.
- Right.
- So I would say like,
you have personal style
'cause you're not trendy.
- Thank you.
- It's not a bad thing.
- I'm not, oh.
- Whenever you're ready.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, thank you.
No, I got it, I got it.
- No, you weren't even
supposed to be here.
It's fine.
- No, no.
- No, it's seriously fine.
- All right, let's split it.
- I will still think you
are a big strong man.
- No, let's split it.
- Relax. Relax.
- Let's do half cash
and then half.
Thank you.
That's very sweet.
- Can I have my phone back?
Because I think my mom has
probably texted me
like 95 times.
Maybe even filed a missing
person's report by now.
- This is why I don't
have a phone.
- So my mom can't text you?
- No, because...
I've met people like you.
- People like me.
- And you can barely
hold a conversation.
- I can barely?
- It's not your fault.
- I'm very easily holding
a conversation.
- It's the phone's fault.
- Some people don't
have anything in common,
so there's nothing to talk
about but that's not my fault.
This is sort of like
one of those
two-way street kinda thing.
Thank you.
It's not your fault.
(romantic music)
- What's happened?
Is the world ending?
- The world has ended.
- Mm.
(romantic music)
- What?
What?
- I bet you couldn't
go a day without it.
- I could very easily do that.
- Mm?
- I could.
I could very easily do that.
- Mm.
- It wouldn't be a problem.
- Huh?
Prove it.
- How would I prove that?
- Meet me tomorrow.
No phone.
- You're serious?
- I'm serious.
- Meet me
at this address at 2 PM
with no phone.
- Are you asking me out?
Or is this a weird experiment
that you're gonna do on me?
- Just show up.
- Okay, I'm not gonna just
show up at a random address
because that's an insane
thing to expect me to do.
- It's not insane.
- It is insane.
- Hey, Callie.
- Yes?
- Just show up.
- I have had a lovely time.
We should do this again.
- I think you're a phone addict.
- I think you are
a napkin addict.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- [Callie] Bye, Leo.
- 2 PM.
- Okay, Callie.
You have to go.
- I can't go.
- I mean, it kind of is the
perfect narrative for your page.
Like, I got peed on by a
guy who lives on a boat,
completely outside
of modern society.
So now I'm gonna go
live in his wall
and try and fall in love.
I mean, my God.
It's so you.
- Yeah.
And you're dwindling following
of Ava Kelly fan girl
is gonna eat that shit up.
- Yes.
- Yeah, that was harsh.
- It was?
- No, it's not dwindling.
- Oh, it's not growing.
- So wait, you just want me
to use this man for my page?
- I just want you to find
love in all this place.
- You literally use
every single man
that you meet for your page.
- But I don't go into it
saying that I'm gonna use them.
- Okay, we're gonna
let that lie.
- Lie.
- I don't.
He wouldn't agree to it.
- How would he know?
- Nobody's gonna know.
- They're gonna know how.
- How would they know?
- How would they know?
- Oh my God.
- Okay, but seriously,
how would he know?
- Just literally make videos
about how this guy lives.
People are gonna love it.
- Oh, I'm gonna follow you.
- Especially if he scraps
his boat shirtless.
- Yeah, people are so horny.
- I am.
- I am.
- I'm asexual.
- I'm really into girls
and never guys.
- Hi guys.
Against my better judgment,
I'm gonna be doing something
kinda crazy, kinda wild.
So I met this guy after
he peed on my feet.
Well he didn't mean
to pee on my feet,
like we peed on each
other's feet in an alleyway.
Anyways, I'm gonna be completely
off my phone tomorrow.
Not even a story.
I know.
I know, it's like a
whole new world for me.
I think it'll be good though.
Maybe you guys should do
it with me, I don't know.
Anyways, I love you, all.
I'm gonna miss you.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
(waltz music)
(waltz music continues)
So is this it?
- Hm?
- Is this it?
This is all we do?
- What do you mean?
- We just pedal around for an
hour and then we go back in?
- No, no.
We are together at a lake.
Enjoying it.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- Right.
- On a beautiful day.
What more could you ask for?
- Can't believe you'd
take me on a boat
a month after I tell
you I don't like swans.
- Okay, I looked it up online
and it said this was
a good date idea.
- For who? Birds?
- For couples who spend
time together.
- So, did you boat any
rich people yesterday?
- I did, I did.
I boated a bunch of rich people.
Did you video about
stretchy pants?
- Stretchy, no.
Guacamole.
- Stretchy pants guacamole?
- No, just guacamole.
- Guacamole, that's not bad.
- Yeah, but it's
kinda unsettling
'cause the guac doesn't
turn brown.
- Doesn't turn brown.
- Hm-mm.
For hours.
- Did you just type a
couple words on the keyboard
and find the first thing that
popped up and here we are?
- Oh my God.
I tried to do one nice
thing for you dude.
One nice thing for you and
I can't even be appreciated.
- Why would you say that?
Are you gaslighting me?
I'm being gaslit.
- Oh my god.
I don't even know
what that means.
- So how does it feel?
- What?
- Being free from your phone.
- Oh.
(horn blowing)
Oh fuck.
It's fine.
- I am so fucking
sick of you, Sam.
How many times are we gonna have
the same fucking conversation?
- No, no, no.
You don't get to be sick
of my shit, okay?
'Cause I'm sick of your shit.
- You know, I haven't seen
my friends in like two weeks?
- All right, guys, I'm
just gonna break this-
- You also haven't
seen me, Grace.
- I see you every fucking day.
- But you don't see me.
- You're insane.
You are an insane-
- All right, guys.
I'm just gonna try to separate
the boat a little bit.
- Clinical depression.
- Oh my god.
Here we go.
- Four anxiety disorders
and necrophobia
so yeah, I need some extra
support from my partner.
- Well I have anxiety too.
I'm just not going
around bragging about it.
- I'm not bragging.
I'm sharing my affliction.
It's called being an open book.
My therapist says to do
it to prevent inner decay.
- Okay, but when you are
coming up to my father
the first time you meet him
and you say, "Hi, I'm Sam.
I have necrophilia."
Like don't-
- Oh my God.
I'm not a necrophiliac,
I'm necrophobic.
- Well, I'm sorry that
my dad thinks
you have sex with dead people.
- Oh, don't say dead people.
It scares me.
- Oh my God!
- You never remember to
refill the coffee pot.
- No, what?
- That's your only refilling
job and it's always empty.
Yeah!
- Well you have dead manners.
- How dare you.
- Look Sam, you are
crazy, it's contagious.
- (fake coughing) Oh, no.
Everybody, don't catch my crazy.
- You're screaming
right into my ear.
You're screaming right
into my ear.
- Okay, I was trying
to get a point across.
Because if I don't
raise my volume,
it's like I don't even exist.
- You buy Jim any bagels.
- I do?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You're selfish when
you buy bagels
with the money for our children.
- For our children?
For our children?
- This is the most riled
up I've seen you in years.
- Oh my god, no.
I get passionate when
I watch tennis.
And you know that.
- You spend all day
in the shower,
but when you come out,
your hair's dry.
- What am I doing in there?
- I don't know.
(both laugh)
- Pedal me back in.
- I will sink this boat before
I do another thing for you.
- I dare you.
What are you doing?
You're insane.
You're insane.
Stop.
- I will drown you.
- Oh, okay.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- I will drown you.
- It's enough.
Lake water must stand
the lake my guy.
Super yuck water.
Super yuck.
- I'm not standing another
second on this one with you.
- Then leave.
- You good?
- Yeah.
- You're probably gonna
wanna shower immediately.
- You like it?
- Yeah.
- I think it's perfect for you.
- For me?
- For you.
(playful music)
(playful music continues)
So is this where you bring
all your dates that fail?
No, really.
Like do you come here a lot?
- No, no, no, no, no.
I've never been here.
Not once.
- Just figured you bring
all your dates here.
- No, probably was saving it.
- For what?
For someone damp?
- Yeah, for someone damp.
- I wouldn't say I'm
not an ocean person
'cause everyone likes the ocean.
I mean, probably not everyone,
but like, most people
like the ocean.
But I just feel like
I personally
would rather go to a lake.
Not to say the lake I
don't, I like this.
- Is it okay?
- Yeah.
No, I don't like, not like it.
- Right.
- It's beautiful.
- You could've made like,
regular merchandise.
- It's way worse for me 'cause
I'm wearing my own merch.
That's like the most lamest
thing that you can do.
- It's the most lamest?
- Yeah.
- Nah, nobody cares.
- That woman literally
like looked us
up and down so aggressively.
In this instance, you can't
say that nobody cares.
(both laugh)
You saw it.
- I saw it.
(romantic music)
Cheers by the way.
- I feel like I still don't
know anything about you.
we've spent the whole day
together and I don't think
I know a single thing about you.
- There's not much to know.
- Where are you from?
- Here.
- Right here?
- Yeah, from right here.
From right on this bench.
- Do you have any siblings?
- No.
- None?
- No, none.
Do you?
- I have a brother.
I have a younger brother.
- Is he cool?
- He's young.
- He's, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Are you close with your mom?
- My mom.
- Oh, sorry.
It's the woman who birthed you.
- Oh, that's what that is.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- Do you have any
hopes and dreams?
- Are you writing
a book about me?
- No, but do you?
- If you are, I need
to give consent.
There's lawyers involved.
If you're already writing.
- Do you have any
hopes and dreams?
- I'm just saying,
if you're writing a book about
me, I need to know about it.
I need to sign some forms.
- Are you gonna work
on boats forever?
- I don't know, maybe.
- So that brings me back.
Do you have hopes and dreams?
Do you?
- I don't know, Callie.
What kind of hopes and
dreams should a man have?
- I don't know.
Woodworking, free soloing,
accounting, sailing, running.
- Maybe accounting.
- Accounting?
- Yeah, accounting.
Is that hot?
- That's really hot.
I'm actually really hot by that.
- You need two accountants?
- In my spare time.
- Oh yeah?
- I paint bad paintings
with cheap watercolors.
- That's actually kinda cool.
- So now you would say
something about you.
- Why are you so obsessed
with what other people
think about you?
- No, that's about me.
- I'm serious.
Why are you so obsessed
with what?
- Why can't you talk
about yourself?
- I'm just not that interesting.
- Say one thing.
- One thing.
- You can't do it.
- I can.
Yes, I can.
- You really can't do it.
- No, I can do it.
I like to draw.
- Okay.
- I enjoy drawing.
- Okay.
- With pencils, not
with watercolors.
- Right, because then
it would be painting.
- Right.
God, you're smart.
- I think I'm gonna
title the book.
"Not That Interesting,
Don't Read This Book."
- That's my book?
The book about me?
- Yeah.
And then the first chapter,
the first chapter will just say,
unless you like to
draw sometimes.
(gentle music)
- Are you cold?
- No, I'm okay.
- I'm gonna have like
a shirt or something.
- No, I'm okay.
I understand you're
trying to be a gentleman
but I actually don't need a man.
- You don't need a man?
- Yeah, 'cause I'm really
self-sufficient.
- You're an independent woman.
- Very much so.
- I believe it.
- I do everything by myself.
- Everything?
- Yeah.
I leave the house.
I guess there's like
this boat share thing.
- There's a bug on you.
- You got it?
- Yeah, I got it.
It's gone.
- There's this boat
share thing you can do?
I guess you can.
- A boat share?
- Yeah.
You can like pay monthly
and you can use a boat.
- What does it mean?
Like what is short?
- What is an app?
- What is short for?
- You want me to explain
to you an app?
- No, I just wonder like what-
- [Callie] Application.
- Like a job application?
- No, like application.
I don't know what it
means. (laughs)
My phoneless day with
the boat guy.
Spoiler, it wasn't terrible,
but it's like every
little thing,
remembering where you parked
your car, checking the time.
Oh, and another red flag
is he's completely afraid
to talk about himself.
I know, I know.
Typical cis man can't
show emotion,
but he for sure has
some kinda trauma.
I mean, we all do.
Everyone does, and that's okay.
And you have to confront
it and move past it.
But with Leo, it's like
something happens in his head.
Anytime I say anything serious
and he just avoids reality
and he starts talking
about absolute nonsense.
And I know I say it
over and over.
One red flag is too
many red flags.
And we literally have
nothing in common.
But we laugh a lot.
Which is nice.
I think. I don't know.
I don't know.
I think I might like him.
Like for part three.
Love you, guys.
(gentle music)
- I mean, this dude has
$30,000 in student debt.
And he's gonna say, "Fuck it"
and make out with that chick?
- I'd make out with that chick.
- Oh my god.
Straight people.
- $30,000.
He is performing.
(knocking on door)
- Did someone order something?
- No.
- No.
- What do I do?
- Answer it?
- No! What?
- The door?
- Do not answer the door.
- I'm sorry.
- They could have a gun.
Check the ring.
- Oh my god.
- What?
- What is it?
- Oh my god.
- What?
- Oh my God, Momo.
- What?
- Oh my God.
- Does Callie live here?
- Callie!
- Do come in, good sir.
(playful music)
- We've heard a lot about you.
- Oh, right, yeah.
I'm Leo.
- Oh, we know.
- Hi Momo.
- Oh, hi.
Hi Momo, where are you?
- Oh, she can hear you.
You don't have to yell.
- I got arrested in Colorado.
I can't leave the state
for like a year.
- Yeah, it sucks.
- I'm so sorry.
Yeah, that sounds like it sucks.
What's the Jesus,
Christmas tree?
- Oh.
This is like comedy clickbait,
but also maybe a thirst trap.
No, I don't know.
It's for Callie's page.
- Oh, very cool.
What's a thirst trap?
- What?
Do you watch the show?
- No.
No, I've never seen it.
- Why is that?
Because you don't have a TV?
- No, no, no, no.
- I'm just kidding, any of that.
Shut up.
- Do you have friends?
- Yeah, yeah.
- That's weird.
- What.
How do you maintain
relationships with people
if you can't text or call them?
Wait, you just, "Ooh, I
hope I run into them."
- No, you know, you make plans.
- What? How?
- Well, you just show up
and you get face-to-face.
You make plans.
- Oh, is that what you're
doing right now?
- Yes.
Is Callie here?
- I mean, I already
screamed her name,
so I don't know what
else I could do.
You've never used a dating app?
- No.
- Ever heard a Grindr?
- A what?
- What?
- What if a building
collapsed around you
and nobody knew that
you were in there.
And if you had a cell phone,
you could save your life,
but you don't because of
some weird, hyper-masculine,
stubborn rejection of
modern technology.
- Yeah, yeah.
I think I'd wish I had a
phone in that scenario.
- What about postmates.
- Of a Postmate?
- Yeah, Postmates.
- Oh my God. Who are you?
- I have a Postmate.
- It's Postmates.
It's called Postmates.
- You don't have any
friends that have Postmates?
- [Callie] I'm coming.
- You have to know Postmates,
- He has no friends.
(waltz music)
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm sorry. I didn't
know you were coming.
- No, no.
It's my fault.
I just came in outta the blue.
You look incredible.
- Oh.
- No. I mean, the whole, the-
- It's a peach.
- You're a peach.
I wanted to say thank you
for having dinner with me
the other night, and
I wanted to see
if you wanted to come
out with me again.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Great.
- When?
- Now.
- Oh.
- It's short notice, I know.
- I'm so sorry.
I can't.
- You should go.
- What can't?
Go, idiot.
- I mean, he did bring.
- A children's toy.
- A children's toy.
- Oh, it's a watercolor set.
It's dumb.
- It's not dumb.
- It's not dumb.
- My name's Payton.
- Hi Payton.
- I just...
I was working on something
and I'm not like ready?
- Yeah, no.
It's really out of the blue
and I can just reschedule
the thing.
It was silly.
You should have this.
- Callie, go, you stupid
fucking peach.
(magical music)
- [Callie] Leo, my
eyes are sweating.
Can I please just take it off?
- No.
- Seriously.
- No, no, few more steps.
Almost there.
- No, this is exactly
like a lifetime movie.
Fall in love with a guy.
Let him blindfold you,
lead you on a date.
And then bam!
I'm locked in a cage.
- Fall in love with a guy.
- Shut up. You know
what I meant.
- That way.
- If anything, I'm
gonna fall asleep.
- No, because you can
take it off now.
(magical music)
(no audio)
(no audio)
- How?
- They're between shows.
- Like, plays?
- Yeah, like plays.
- Are you proposing to me?
- No, no.
No, no, no, it's just a date.
- Uh-uh 'cause coffee
would be just a date.
Or ramen.
Ramen makes a really good date.
Or you could cook me Costco
Pasta in a really crusty pan
and then tell me it's
your grandmother's recipe.
- Callie.
That's very specific, Callie.
Callie, your phone's out.
- Okay, okay.
It's just, this is an
especially weird date.
- How is this weird?
- I'm so murdery.
- How is it murdery?
- It started murdery.
Imagine all those people
staring at you.
Screaming.
Sing, sing.
Tell them how you feeling.
- Have you seen a play before?
- Seems like so much pressure.
- Yeah, but then, everybody,
they go home.
They go back to work.
They have their lives.
They play fades and they
stopped giving shit.
- Yeah.
So how long has that food
been sitting there for?
- Yeah, probably like an
hour, hour and a half.
- Yeah.
- But it's grain-free
and dairy-free
- It's free grain-free.
- Yeah, it's all the frees.
- I like it a lot.
It's very extra.
- I just wanted to make sure
that I took you out somewhere
where you knew for sure
no one was staring at you.
You know?
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(lively music)
- And if you do end up getting
Mexican food, get tacos.
I just wouldn't do a wet
taco, if that makes sense.
Like don't put the salsa,
don't put the guacamoles
because it's gonna look messy
in your little baby mouth.
And not to mention
the suggestion.
I'm officially a badass.
I'm officially the coolest
girl in town because yes,
you can find me on the
back of a motorcycle
for the first time ever
and I was terrified.
And it's hot to move
- And if he's using his tongue,
should I be using my tongue?
(upbeat music)
I feel like if I throw
my tongue into the mix
when his tongue's in the mix,
then how much tongue
is too much tongue?
Seriously, this is a question.
Tell me in the comments.
He asked me if I like to cook,
and I was like, okay,
don't look at my set.
Stop.
I saw you look at it.
- But it's just kind
of hard to care
when those eyes are
staring at you.
10 out of 10.
I give him a 10 out of 10.
(upbeat music)
When you think of heaven
Can't you feel the chemistry
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
When you think of heaven
Can't you feel the chemistry
When you think of heaven
Holy shit it's caving me
(upbeat music)
When you think of heaven
Holy shit it's caving me
And it's hot to move
- Oh, ah. (moans)
(upbeat music)
Boo!
Boo!
Get out the stage.
(upbeat music)
(Callie moans)
- Oh, yeah!
When you think of heaven
Can't you feel the chemistry
(Callie moans)
(Leo howling)
When you think of heaven
Holy shit it's caving me
- Oh, yeah!
(Callie moaning)
(upbeat music)
(Leo applauding)
- Yes! (laughs)
- Was that good?
- What?
What? Yeah.
- Okay.
- Was it good for you?
- Yeah.
- Did you?
- Yeah. (chuckles)
If we're in a keep doing this,
I'm gonna need it to
get so much more boring.
- Boring?
- Yeah, 'cause I'm
sweating and I'm panting.
- Oh, okay.
- It's not sustainable.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can give it to you.
So boring that you fall asleep.
- That's exactly what I want.
- That's exactly.
(Callie chuckles)
- That's perfect for me.
- Okay.
- Baby, I've got something.
Oh my God.
- Oh my God.
Who is that?
- No, actually, who
the fuck are you?
- Hey, Mina.
Not at such a good time.
- Oh, literally, this is not
a good fucking time, Leo.
- You have a girlfriend?
- No, no.
She's not my girlfriend.
- Wow. Wow.
Okay, I know I'm not
your girlfriend,
but I don't know you were just
sleeping with other people.
- Mina, I just thought
that you knew
that this was casual between us
so maybe we could
just go outside.
- What was casual about this?
You practically forced me
to fall in love with you.
- I didn't...
I didn't-
- Come on.
I knew this wasn't real.
It was my sister.
She was all in my head
like, "Oh, he's real.
He's perfect.
You deserve this."
But you're not.
You just don't breed dogs and
sell coke like my fucking ex.
Whatever, Leo.
You know what?
You, you are no better.
Good luck with him.
Good fucking luck with him.
I hope you two enjoy
having sex together.
Fucking hey. (groans)
- Mythic blend.
That's the line from
the restaurant.
- There are still other
restaurants.
(somber music)
- So...
So how many girls exactly
are you seeing right now?
- Callie, it's not like that.
- Look, I mean, we never
said we were exclusive.
I just assumed.
How do you even have time?
- I was seeing a couple
people before,
but none of it was serious.
- Yeah, I mean, I have people
I'm hooking up with too.
None of them would do that.
- Yeah, she might have read
into things a little too much.
Hey, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Where you going?
- I think I should go before
I read into things too much.
- No, Callie.
Callie, that's not what I...
Wait a second.
I'm not trying to hurt
anybody here.
- Leo, I've been with
guys like you before.
You're gonna say whatever
you need to say to trick me
to catch feelings and that I'm-
- I'm not trying to trick you.
I wasn't trying to trick Mina.
I'm just saying that
like in the moment,
can't some things just be real?
Can't it just exist
when it exists?
Can't some things just
be a beautiful memory?
- Yeah, that's really deep.
So what?
In the moment you're all in and
then outta sight outta mind?
- No.
- You know, there's actually,
there's a name for
guys like you.
- What?
- Fuck boys.
- Just wait, just wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Don't leave yet.
- Leo, what the fuck?
- Don't leave.
Just don't leave yet.
Hey, you can still jump back.
- You're kidnapping me?
- No, I just-
- Oh, you're finally
gonna murder me?
- I could tie us back up.
Or you can come for a ride.
- Seriously?
- Please.
- I was starting to think that
this wasn't even a real boat.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- On the way out to Catalina.
It's pretty, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, this is kind
of the only place I...
I don't know, where
I can get clear.
The city, everything just
gets so blurry, you know?
- Yeah, it's nice.
So what happened?
- With Mina?
- No, not with Mina.
I mean, you.
Why come out here to
be a sad moody boy?
I mean, you don't
have to tell me,
but you did just kidnap me.
- I got out of a
relationship kind of recently
and it messed me up
a little bit so.
- How recently?
- Like three years.
- Okay.
Three years is not just getting
out of her relationship.
Leo, three years, it's
such a long time.
- I know, I know.
That's stupid.
Just time flew.
- You loved her?
- Yeah, I did.
- You still love her.
- No.
I don't know.
I don't think so.
- You know, I've never
really understood
the attraction to sad boys.
All these girls, they're
gonna go save these sad boys
and nurse them back to health.
It's just never really
been my thing.
- How's this?
- That's much better.
- This is good.
(both chuckling)
- Yeah.
What time is it?
- I don't know.
Where's your phone?
- Somewhere.
- What?
- Stop.
- What?
Whoa, are you serious?
- I don't have it.
- You don't have it?
- I don't have it.
- Your 100,000 friends must
be so worried about you.
- 2.1 million.
- It's been like two
hours since you checked.
- You know, they probably are.
- Worried about you?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- I mean, my mom for sure is.
I had like two anxiety attacks
and she constantly thinks
I'm gonna jump off a building.
- Are you serious?
- It's fine.
- How you never told me that
you have anxiety attacks?
- I mean, who doesn't?
- If you ever wanna
talk about it.
- Yeah, let's talk about it.
Let's get like really
deep into it.
- Okay, all right.
I'm serious.
But hey, you can tell those
people who are worried about you
that you had a real nice
human connection, interaction.
- Yeah, this has been
such an amazing connection,
interaction.
I'm having a great time.
- I'm sorry about tonight.
That was dramatic.
- That was nice of her
to bring us wine.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't appreciate the
delivery system, but yeah.
- She's polite.
(Leo chuckles)
I like her.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You didn't wake me up.
- I know better than
to wake a woman up.
Chin up.
It's to remember me by.
- Wow.
Wait, that doesn't make sense
'cause this is a drawing of me.
So that would make
me remember me.
I think you should have it.
You keep it.
Here.
For you to remember me by as
I sail off into the night,
never to be seen again.
Shit.
What do you doing right now?
- What did you have in mind?
- It's a surprise.
(playful music)
- So, Leo, right?
- Yeah.
- And your Callie's partner or?
- It's undefined.
- Very cute, undefined.
- All right, I'll just say it.
Callie, why did you bring
this random guy
to our family therapy?
I mean, no offense, bro.
- We are not all thinking that.
We are not thinking that.
- No I was.
Yeah.
- It was very nice
to meet you family
at your family therapy.
I'll just wait outside.
Nice meeting you.
- No, no, no.
The problem is Leo's
having a really hard time
getting over a breakup
that was three years ago.
So I thought it could
be really good for him
to come talk about it.
- No, I don't think that.
- Well also, it could be
beneficial for the rest of us
to listen and start to
recognize the difference
between like a romantic breakup
and your daughter moving
into an apartment.
- But the difference is
it's more painful, Margaret.
Let's try not to compare,
but sure.
Sometimes, listening to someone
else's emotional journey
can help us self-reflect.
I just don't think this-
- She broke his heart
and now he sleeps around
to fill the void that she left.
- I don't sleep around.
That's, that's...
I don't, that's...
- Can't make a wife
out of a hoe, bro.
She's for the streets now.
It's time to hop back
on that choo choo train.
You feel me?
- Why you talk like that?
- Like what?
- Wait, so is Callie the
choo choo train in that?
- Come on, please.
- And she was actually
a really great woman
and she was one of the best
people I've ever met, so.
- Was?
- Are you dating this guy?
Oh my god.
She like dead or something?
- What?
- Oh no.
- Is she?
- I take back the stuff about
her being a hoe if she's dead.
- Yeah, that was bad.
- Okay.
It was nice to meet you.
- Leo, I...
- Wait.
So like, how did she die?
- Callie, I don't know if a
guy with a dead girlfriend
is a good choice.
- I might have to agree.
- He doesn't have a
dead girlfriend.
- Let's reel this
back in, Callie.
- He sure seemed nice.
- Yeah.
- Seriously, Dan?
he killed someone.
- No, he did not.
He's not a murderer.
- Can we please get
back to here?
- Was that really bad?
- It wasn't good.
- I don't know.
I mean, can I be with someone
who's not emotionally available?
Probably not.
Do I wanna try?
Yes.
I guess that's my toxic trait.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
- So now I'm going down.
- Oh, hey, Callie girl.
- Hey, guys.
Sorry, this is probably
a bad time.
- Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Get your butt in here.
- Okay. (chuckles)
Thank you.
- We got a seat right here.
- No, it's okay.
- No, I sit down right here.
- No, I don't think-
- I got a drink for
you right here.
- It's okay.
- No, take the drink.
Take the drink.
Leo, get a drink.
- And this is Tim.
This is Bud.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- I'm Dusty.
- You're Dusty.
- And this is Leo.
- I've heard about him.
- You know something?
For as long as we've known Leo,
I don't think that we
have ever been introduced
to any of his lady friends
on his boat.
- Oh.
Oh, I'm honored.
That's a big honor, right?
- No, I mean, like ever.
I mean of all...
- Oh, all the women.
- No, that's...
- No, I think you should.
I wanna hear it.
- What is it?
- To remember me by.
You don't have to.
- Yeah, yeah, oh.
Is that?
- I never said I was good.
- Is this me?
- Yeah.
I mean, obviously.
- Yeah, obviously.
Yeah, it's my boat.
Wow, it's terrible.
- Yeah, I know.
- I love it. (chuckles)
I love it.
(gentle music)
- So what are you guys doing?
- My therapy.
- Salute.
- To Therapy.
- To therapy.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- Callie.
I'm peeing.
- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, I was just peeing.
- I know but like, I thought
that that would be funny.
I thought it'd be payback for
the other night or something.
- Really, I was just peeing.
- It was such a fucked up idea.
- It was, and I'd never
wanna see your family again.
- Me either.
I don't ever wanna see
my family again.
- You wanna make out with me?
- I wanna do that so bad.
- All right, let's do that.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- Callie, you good in there?
(birds chirping)
- I'm unwell.
- You should go to rehab.
- Don't say that.
That's really offensive
to people who go to rehab.
It's offensive?
- Yeah.
- Okay, well, I'll
apologize to them later.
Hey, hell of a performance
last night.
- I remember nothing.
Why don't I do that?
- You wanna scrub it?
- Yeah.
- You wanna scrub it?
- I know you do, earn
my keep around.
- Brush side.
It is the brush side down.
- Oh.
- And dip it in the water.
The good water, the clean water.
Not the-
- This is like so much
more complicated
than you made it sound.
- It's very simple.
It's very simple.
- We're not going that
far out into the ocean.
- It doesn't matter.
I'm still gonna throw up.
- I don't think you're
gonna throw up
that's being a little dramatic.
- Wait, are you Callie Girl?
- Yeah.
Hi.
- Wait, this is so crazy.
I watch all of your stuff.
I like, love you.
- Oh my God. Thank you.
That's really nice.
- I follow her on Instagram.
- Real life influencer.
- Shit, this is boat guy?
- Boat guy.
You talking about me?
I'm boat guy?
- Yeah, thank you so much.
I really appreciate you.
Thanks for that.
- I'm so sorry for your loss.
- My loss?
Actually...
Actually, do you mind
if I just take,
I haven't seen it before.
I haven't seen it.
- I feel like I might have
kinda like, screw this up?
- No, no.
I just haven't seen it before.
- Okay.
Yeah, this is the new one.
- Oh, okay.
- In the boat bathroom,
you flush with your foot.
Look.
(cheering) Science.
Okay.
You're welcome for
showing you that.
I'm pretty sure I'm like
a major asshole
'cause I think his ex is dead,
which makes me like such
a shitty person, right?
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Bye.
Sorry.
It's really nice to meet you.
Sorry.
- I was really drunk.
And that was way outta context
because I said a lot
of stuff after that.
I actually said that I was
gonna stop filming you.
- Yeah, what was that?
- Yeah, just watch
the ones before
because it'll make
way more sense.
- I mean, what was it though?
You're like, documenting me or?
- No, I'm not documenting you.
- I just...
I thought that we said that
we were gonna be real, Callie.
- Yeah, we are.
- You know, it's my fault
'cause I know that this
is what you do
and I shouldn't known better.
Right?
- Leo.
Leo, come on.
- No, no.
Seriously, I just think
that you should probably go.
- Can we talk about it?
- I mean, I don't know what
we're gonna talk about.
Callie, you said that
my ex is dead.
You're just like making
up stories.
She lives in the valley.
- The valley?
Why do you have a
box of her stuff?
She just moved to the valley?
- You went do my stuff?
- You have a hospital
bracelet in there.
So I thought, like Bella
said it and then I-
- How are you going
through my stuff?
- No, I'm not like going
through your stuff.
You should keep toilet
paper next to your toilet
so people don't have to
open your cabinet.
- Yeah, Callie, I know
where toilet paper goes.
Why did you go through my stuff?
- Why do you have a
hospital bracelet?
- Because maybe I gave
her an edible
when she got really high
and I had to take her
to the hospital because she
thought she was gonna die
but everything was fine.
It was a really nice memory
and I wanted to just keep
it just private.
'Cause that's where
private things go.
- Leo, that's weird.
It's so weird you
still have that.
It's weird that you
have her stuff.
- Yeah, okay. It's weird.
So I'm just a big weirdo, okay.
So you're just gonna
capture the weirdos stuff
and put it on your talk ticker,
and you're just gonna put
it out to the internet
and you're just gonna expose
the weirdo's life, right?
You're gonna expose it to
your whole internet friends?
- How could I expose you?
I know nothing about you.
I mean clearly, you won't tell
me anything about yourself.
- Well this is why, Callie.
- Why?
Because now I know something
about you?
Why is that such a bad thing
if people even know about you?
- 'Cause it's not up to you.
'Cause it's not your
story to tell, Callie.
I fucked up.
Callie, I used...
I was not a very good guy.
But I thought I could
be a good guy with you.
And I see now that that's
not possible
because Callie, you're
really fucking self-centered
and everybody just plays
this tiny little role
in your little story, right?
- You're one to talk, Leo.
Look, I know your game.
You bring women here to
give them, what was it?
Memories?
A little fantasy? Romance?
Don't act like that's
not what this is.
I'm not really here.
I'm not really in your world
'cause you won't let me in.
- This is exactly what
I'm talking about, Callie.
Everybody just exists inside
your little privilege bubble.
They don't matter unless they
are in your little story.
You just do everything, what?
To be like by total strangers?
- I don't need to be liked.
That's not what this is about.
- That's exactly what
this is about.
- No, it's not what it's about.
I'm trying to do something
with my life.
So yeah, I share personal
details because I have to.
But at least I want
something, Leo.
I'm not 28 years old
living on a boat.
Mourning a breakup that was
three fucking years ago.
Like, get over it, dude.
- So this is the real Callie.
It's nice to finally meet you.
- Can't say the same
'cause I still don't know
who the fuck you are.
- That's funny because you
have no problem sharing
personal details about my life.
- I shared personal details
about my life.
You're just in my
life right now.
So Yeah, I talked about you.
- You're so fake.
- I'm not fake.
You're fake.
- Callie, if you're real, then
why don't you show them you?
You're addicted to your
phone having anxiety attacks
every day because
you're obsessing
over other people's lives,
giving yourself an
anxiety disorder
- Oh, that's my diagnosis?
- Yeah, that's your diagnosis.
Care more about clout
than you do actual people
in your life.
- You know the word clout?
- Yeah, I know the word clout.
Didn't hip hop.
- Okay, great.
Well if you're done
enlightening me on everything
that's wrong with me,
I think I'm gonna go.
- No, no, no.
I asked you to go.
- When did you ask me to go?
- You don't listen to me.
Earlier, I told you
you should go.
I told you to go.
- Well, I'm not gonna
go if you told me to go.
- Well, I did.
I told you to go.
- I'm not gonna go then
'cause why would I go
if you tell me to go?
- All right, well, I'm gonna go.
- I'm not leaving.
- That's fine, I'm leaving.
- Good.
- Good.
- Does it go any faster?
(Leo yelling indistinctly)
(somber music)
(somber music continues)
- Oh, there we go.
- I wanna look popular.
- You are popular.
- No, I wanna look popular.
- Look up.
(Callie screaming)
- Callie?
What do you need from
us right now?
Do you wanna talk about
this meltdown
or should we just ignore you
and pretend like it's
not happening?
- [Callie] Pretend like
it's not happening.
- Maybe we do video, like I
could do like a little like.
- If you're done
enlightening me on everything
that's wrong with me,
I think I'm gonna go.
- No, no, no.
I asked you to go.
- When did you ask me to go?
- You don't listen to me.
Earlier, I told you
you should go.
I told you to go.
- Well, I'm not gonna
go if you told me to go.
- Well, I did.
I told you to go.
- I'm not gonna go then
'cause why would I go
if you tell me to go?
- All right, well, I'm gonna go.
(somber music)
- [Callie] I fucking
hate people!
- I ate a scone I liked.
- Very cool.
Where was it from?
- It was from Whole Foods.
- I hear they have a
good baked goods section.
- I got dumped and I'm
getting canceled again.
So could somebody please
give a shit?
- Oh my God, finally.
- You literally told
us to pretend
like nothing was happening.
- I didn't really have
a scone, I panicked.
- Oh.
- Hey man.
- Oh, shit man.
I missed another one?
Yeah, you missed another one.
- I'm sorry. I just...
- You wanna talk about it?
- Talk about what?
- Okay, we won't talk about it.
Callie coming by tonight?
- Nope.
- What happened?
You're an idiot.
- I'm an idiot?
- Yeah, you're an idiot
if you don't know
that girl's special.
- Oh, that's why I'm
an idiot, bud,
because that's exactly
what I thought.
- I saw the way you
looked at her.
- She's putting on a show.
- (laughs) So how the hell is
that any different than you?
Oh, come on, you bring
these women up on our dock,
on your rose pedaled
boat for a night or two.
- No.
- Isn't that the Leo show?
- It's different.
- Be an idiot, I'm
fine with that.
Just don't be a hypocrite.
- You should charged a lot more
for these therapy sessions, bud.
- You should watch her videos.
- You seen her videos?
- Of course I've seen them.
My niece is obsessed with her.
I can't get her to stop
talking about you too.
- How did you?
So you knew about
this, the whole-
- Just watch the videos.
- I don't have a phone, bud.
I can't.
- Well get a damn phone.
- No, I don't wanna fall
into the same exact trap
as everybody else.
- Would you cut that bullshit?
Can you just stop running
from the world?
- That's exactly what
you guys do.
You hide out here away
from your family
and your problems, right?
- (laughs) You're not like us.
You're too young, Leo.
We made our choices.
You got your whole world
in front of you.
Look at me.
June is the past.
Move on.
You know, if you are my son-
- Don't tell me that
I'm an idiot.
- I'd tell you that
you're a good guy
without having to try so hard.
And you gotta start
seeing yourself properly
because if you don't,
if you don't,
you're gonna keep missing
everything good
that's right in front of you.
- And stuff it.
- She gave me the weirdest
look when I asked about Ryan.
- Suck that belly in long spine.
Good, Margaret.
And reverse plank.
- So I can't help but thinking
he might not be in law
school anymore.
- So sus, bro.
- Suck that belly in, Bella.
- Have you heard anything?
- Bella, look at my belly.
Suck it in like that.
- Your body's shaming me.
- Callie?
Callie.
- What?
- You're not even
listening to me, are you?
- You're literally talking
about nothing.
- Yeah, I guess my life
is nothing to you.
You know what?
This is the problem.
- Okay, whenever we're ready,
we're gonna make our
way to our feet.
- You're never here.
I mean, you're here,
but you're not here.
- And you wonder why I'm so anal
about spending time with you.
Well, maybe it's because when
I spend time with my daughter,
she doesn't actually
care to spend it with me.
- Mom, could we skip the drama?
- Should we just call it a day?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Okay.
- Hey, do you think it
was like really that bad?
- Well, I guess you're
on your phone a lot
during our sessions.
- Yeah.
- I mean, you barely
do the workouts.
Like, why are you here?
- Thank you.
- Okay, have a good one.
- Are you mad?
- I'm not mad.
You just hurt yourself, Callie.
I mean, you used to be so
excited about everything.
So engaged and present
and so funny.
- Ugh.
Now I feel terrible.
- Ugh.
I can never say the right
thing with you.
I just mean that you're
not here with me.
You're always someplace else.
- Yeah, I don't know.
I guess I feel like I've just...
I've been like living in a blur.
- I think maybe you
should come at home again
for a while just until
you feel it's okay.
- It's not gonna happen.
- What if you have
another episode?
- Relentless.
- So you could just
stay tonight.
- Bella's in my room.
- I can put her out
on the street.
- Oh, you're gonna put
her out on the street?
(both laughing)
- I was gonna do it anyway
if she called me bro
one more time.
- Bro, come, bro.
- Okay, Karen, sheesh.
- This is definitely not shi,
it's like a sheee.
- Sheee.
- No, it's higher.
It's like a sheeee.
- Sheeees.
- Sheees.
- How did I give birth to that?
- It's mad sauce, bro.
(both laughing)
- No cap.
- This is mad sauce,
bro, no cap.
No cap on God.
- What does that even mean?
- I don't know.
I don't know.
(gentle music)
- When I'm with him,
I'm not thinking about
everything else all at once.
I'm just kind of living.
(gentle music)
He's like a gentle gladiator.
He's nice and he's kind,
but he could totally
fight in a medieval war.
He's that hot.
(gentle music)
I feel like he's the only
person who really sees me.
("Carousel")
("Carousel")
("Carousel")
("Carousel")
We're always on a
different side
Of a lover's carousel
I give what I can offer
It's funny how it all
just goes around
Goes around
Goes around
Goes around
- Maybe some things aren't
meant to last forever.
Some things can just exist
in the moment or whatever.
People come into your life.
It's for a reason to
teach you something
or show you something
about yourself.
Anything good came out of this.
I definitely saw
a part of myself
at the end of the boat boy.
Just add that to the list.
(Phone vibrating)
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