Magic in the Moonlight (2014) Movie Script

You do something to me
Something that
simply mystifies me
Tell me, why should it be
You have the power
to hypnotize me?
Let me live 'neath your spell
Do do that voodoo
that you do so well
'Cause you do something to me
That nobody else could do
Bravo! Bravo!
I don't understand. Is the
conductor a blithering idiot?
We went over
the tempo six times!
It's adagio, adagio, adagio.
It's not racehorse tempo!
Ja, ja, Herr Crawford.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What? Don't be sorry!
Get it right.
What good are apologies
when the poetry of
the moment is lost?
And you!
You're supposed to knock
when you're ready in the trunk.
How do I know
when you're all clear?
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Crawford,
I couldn't breathe in that...
Well, you're not hired
to breathe!
But it was her first time,
Mr. Crawford.
My God, we went over this
routine all afternoon.
How do I know when to begin
sticking in the swords?
I could have
stabbed you to death,
and then,
I get blood on my ensemble.
Oh, Mr. Wei Ling Soo! You
were, as always, brilliant!
Oh, I've already
taken off my robe.
Can my wife and I
take a photo of you?
An autograph, please?
Autographs are for
mental defectives.
But I want to prove I met you.
Well, if you don't mind, I'd
rather that proof didn't exist.
What if you get
picked up for sodomy?
Yes!
Stanley?
Burkan!
How are you, Howard?
Brilliant. You are still
the best in the world.
No thanks to the assorted
Neanderthals I have to deal with.
Oh, you haven't changed.
You're still a perfectionist,
a snob, a genius,
with all the charm
of a typhus epidemic.
Well, can I help it if I'm
surrounded by assassins?
Nonetheless,
you held us spellbound.
And that last effect, from the
sarcophagus into the empty chair,
when you swivel around...
I mean, I do a vanish-and-reappearance
trick in my show
where I transport
my pretty assistant
from one side of the stage
to the other
in a steamer trunk,
but it is nothing
compared to what you do.
I invented that effect myself.
And if you're very good,
when we have more time,
I'll teach you all the moves.
It's actually... It's very simple.
You can do it anywhere.
It's a spectacular trick.
It's so good to see you.
How long has it been?
It's a year, at least.
And the tour's going well?
Yes, it's going quite well.
It concludes this week.
Munich was good.
Barcelona adored me.
And you'll never guess who came
to see the show in Zurich.
Enid Paxton. Enid Paxton?
Little thing in third form,
we both used her
as an assistant
when we decided to become magicians.
Ah...
You sawed her in half,
and I cut her head off.
Well, she was a game girl.
Uh, how is she? Oh, she's fine.
You don't really notice
any of the scars.
Of course, she's fatter
than my elephant.
What? Pretty little Enid
with the curls?
Well, the years
can be cruel, Howard.
"Life is nasty, brutish and
short," as the man said.
Was it Hobbes? Yes, I
believe it was Hobbes.
I'd have got on
rather well with Hobbes.
Shall we go for a drink?
Brilliant notion, Burkan.
We can catch up.
Stanley, I need your help.
Ah, the plot thickens.
I'll buy you a scotch.
The Catledge family
are wonderful people.
Caroline Catledge is
an old friend of mine.
They're a wealthy
Pittsburgh family.
Father made millions
in coal before he died.
They're socialites with several
houses, one in the south of France.
Now, the thing is, there's a
young woman staying with them,
who has them believing
that she's a spirit medium.
Oh, Lord,
not another fake psychic.
What a pestilence they are.
They're taken with her
predictions of the future.
Telling them what they want to hear.
Precisely.
Hmm, and charging them for all
the good news she brings.
Exactly right. And, of course,
she's a pretty young thing.
Well, of course. A pretty face
never hurt a cheap swindler.
Brice Catledge,
Caroline's brother,
the heir to the family fortune,
fancies himself
in love with her.
You know, I don't know
who I loathe more,
those who use simple tricks
to prey on the gullible,
or the gullible, who are so stupid,
they deserve what they get.
Brice Catledge's
sister Caroline
is married to a doctor,
a psychoanalyst,
and he insisted on this
woman doing her sances,
in the presence of
two renowned scientists.
Oh, rubbish.
Doesn't he know that scientists
are among the easiest to fool?
Well, this is the thing,
I'm embarrassed to say,
that I watched this woman work
from every angle, time and again,
and I couldn't
find anything amiss.
I mean, I watched every
move, and Lord knows,
I know pretty much every mind-reading
and seance trick there is,
but I couldn't find a flaw or spot
a single suspicious move and...
I began to doubt
my own clear thinking.
You know, I thought,
"Maybe, she's the real thing".
There is no real thing,
Howard! It's all phony!
From the sance table,
to the Vatican and beyond!
I can't believe
you're saying this.
I'm very worried
for the family.
If you could come and
observe her in action?
After all, you are
the greatest debunker
of fake spiritualists
in the world.
There's not a single one
who's got past you.
Olivia and I were all set
to take a holiday,
travel through the Galapagos.
But you hate holidays.
You'll spend your whole time in
your room practicing card tricks,
and you'll never
see the big turtles.
And besides, you've always
loved the south of France,
and you could visit
your Aunt Vanessa.
But if this woman knows she's being
watched by the great Wei Ling Soo,
she'll make some excuse
not to perform.
The usual headaches,
resistance in the room...
She'll never know
you're Wei Ling Soo.
No one knows who you are
under all that chinoiserie.
You can pose
as anyone you like.
Well, if she's fooled you,
she must be very good.
But she won't fool me.
I can't wait to see what
gimmickry she's employing,
unmask it, and throw
it back in her face.
Postponing our holiday?
I can't resist.
You're driven, Stanley.
Don't get angry with me, Olivia.
It won't be for long.
Oh, Okay, go-
You've always had
the measure of me, Olivia.
Ever since our
very first dinner,
when I made your ruby ring
disappear from your finger,
and reappear in
your soft-boiled egg.
If you recall, I quickly
figured out how you did it.
Yes, you were very impressive.
Oh, it was simply a matter
of logic and common sense.
I mean, you palmed the ring and
distracted me by spilling the salt.
I believe it was my clear thinking
that attracted you to me.
Yes, your logic and
common sense equal mine,
but you have the added
quality of being beautiful.
Wife, you've said it
several times, Stanley.
We're a match made in heaven.
What a
serendipitous pleasure
to be surprised by my favorite
nephew and Howard Burkan!
Little Howard.
Uh, "Burkan the Great," if you please.
Of course.
Of all my nephews and nieces,
you're the only one, Stanley,
who isn't boring to
the point of perfection.
Oh, I couldn't agree more.
If only you had a slightly
milder disposition,
you might
actually have friends.
Oh, lam his friend.
Notice I use the singular.
Yes, he means
he can tolerate me.
You may be Burkan the
Great to your public,
but to me, you'll always
be little Howard Burkan,
who took my favorite scarf, cut it
in half with a pair of scissors,
waved his magic wand over it,
and it didn't
come back together.
I was just learning the trick.
No, she never got over that.
And to what do I owe
this unannounced visit?
I'm here to expose yet another
fraudulent spiritualist,
and I thought I'd warn you I'll
be dropping by for black pudding.
Oh, yes, the Catledges are holding
sances up at their place.
They've apparently
met some gifted medium.
It's the talk wife
the Cote d'Azur.
She's a little American
called Sophie Baker,
and apparently
she's very sharp,
but Stanley will get
the measure of her.
I can't wait.
Welcome! Welcome...
How lovely to see you.
Bienvenue.
George, Caroline, Stanley.
How do you do?
Oh, hello. Stanley.
A great pleasure.
George. Charmed.
Of course, George and Caroline
are the reason I'm here.
They're a great deal
less gullible
than Caroline's
mother and brother,
and had hoped
that I would be able
to reveal
the medium as a fraud.
When she fooled Howard Burkan,
we knew we were in trouble.
But then when he said he
was best friends
with Wei Ling Soo...
We're great admirers. VVhoisn%?
I don't know if Howard told
you, her name is Sophie Baker.
Have you heard of her or...
No, I have not, but these sleazy
fraudsters change identity every month.
And I omitted to mention
she's here with her mother.
Ah, now, that says a lot. Yeah.
I hope you kept your eyes on
her mother during the seance,
or did she dim
the lights too low?
Caroline, you were next to her.
She held my brother's hand, and
she actually made the table rise.
Well, I looked for the
usual devices, of course.
I thought maybe, wrist lifts,
but they weren't there.
She's promised to try and
make contact with my father,
who died a year ago.
As I was saying,
your mother and your brother
are the victims
of a dishonest ruse,
as your good sense tells you.
There is, of course, no spirit
world, and even if there were,
you can be sure that some little American
gypsy would not be the one blessed
to unlock its secrets.
Only a low-grade halfwit
would fall for any of this.
But you're not implying that her
mother and brother are halfwits?
Well, I haven't met them yet.
But I'm sure
they're like most people,
desperate for a little hope
in a world that has none,
and willing to
believe anything.
Who shall we say you are?
Introduce me
as Stanley Taplinger.
I'm an old friend
in the import-export business.
Understood. Mr. Taplinger,
up to the house.
Come on, Howard.
What is that
dreadful noise?
My brother. He practices
serenading Sophie.
Both thine eyes are cute, too
What they do to me
Hear me holler
I choose a sweet lollapaloosa
In thee
Thou sweet, thou grand...
Howard.
Brice,
good to see you again.
Can I introduce you to my
friend Stanley Taplinger,
who's going to be staying. Oh.
Pleasure to meet you. How
do you do, Mr. Taplinger...
Taplinger... Taplinger.
Taplinger
And, uh, how long will you be
staying with us, Mister...
Oh, not very.
I have business elsewhere.
Ah, have you told him
about Sophie?
Ah, now, is this the girl
that can read minds and such?
Well, she gets these sensory impressions.
And, what are they?
It's hard to explain. She
gets these mental vibrations.
Her head vibrates?
Drink? Thank you.
Have you got a whiskey, Brice?
I absolutely do.
Now, Sophie looked into my eyes
and told me things about me
she could never have known.
About old girlfriends I'd had,
and places I've traveled to.
Good heavens. You think
she can do it with me?
Oh, of course. Of course.
Whatever questions you have
about life, the hereafter...
Here, cheers.
Perhaps there's
a departed loved one
you wish to make contact with.
Sophie sees all.
She can predict the future.
In short, she's a visionary.
And, I'm told she's very
pleasant to look at.
She's a visionary and a vision.
Mother's agreed
to subsidize a foundation
for the serious scientific
study of her work.
Well, after this buildup, I'm
champing at the bit to meet her.
She's doing some psychic readings
over at the Lounsberrys' house,
but she should be here
any minute.
And the Lounsberrys, I take
it, are wealthy marks...
Uh, wealthy friends of yours
that she was anxious to meet?
Yes. How did you know?
Mental vibrations.
Excuse me? Telephone
call, Mr. Catledge.
Your business office in Paris.
Ah, excuse me.
He doesn't make any business
decision at all now
without consulting
Sophie first.
Well, what can I say, Howard?
He's a moron.
Incidentally, Stanley,
I think, if you could bottle up your
sarcasm a little more skillfully,
it might help us
on our mission.
Howard, we all hope someone will
come along with superpowers,
but the only superpower certain
to show up wears a black robe.
Wife.
Speak of the devil and superpowers,
I think that's her now.
Yeah, there she is.
Mr. Talmudge. Hello.
Taplinger. Hello.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes.
You're every bit as lovely
as you've been described.
Thank you.
Wait.
Don't say anything. I'm
getting a mental impression.
Are you from the Orient?
The Far East?
China?
Have you been there,
or do you visit?
Why do you say China?
I just get that impression.
And what impression is that?
No.
Huh.
Never mind.
It's fading, it's fading.
And you are her sister?
Mother.
Mother, are you?
What lovely cheek bones. The apple
does not fall far from the tree.
And what do you do,
Mr. Taplinger?
I'm... Wait.
Sophie, what impression
do you have
of Mr. Taplinger's
line of work?
I should say Sophie
has psychic gifts.
Has she? Hmm.
It's not immediately clear,
although I.
I do get some
vibrations suggesting
that Mr. Taplinger
travels a lot.
Well, those are
excellent vibrations,
but it's not an unreasonable
assumption, is it?
I mean, plenty of people
travel in their work.
I see Germany.
Have you been to Germany?
Matter of fact, I did have some
business recently in Berlin.
I'd say, that's
pretty damn impressive.
Mr. Burkan, as you
may know, is a magician,
who was brought here to observe
my daughter and find flaws,
but has stayed
to marvel at her.
Well, what have
I stumbled upon?
You never told us what
you did, Mr. Taplinger.
Neither did your daughter.
For some reason, my mental
impressions are cloudy.
Cloudy. When you say your
mental impressions are cloudy,
are they cumulus clouds
or cirrus?
Mr. Taplinger is a businessman.
Ah.
What line of business?
The import-export trade.
I see Chinese letters.
Chinese writing.
Perhaps, you're visualizing
my laundry ticket.
You're making fun of me.
I'm afraid you're in the
wrong part of the world.
I import coffee beans
and cocoa from Brazil.
Wow! Well, I didn't... Really?
I think it's
time we moved along.
Sophie's had
a strenuous afternoon.
It is rather exhausting communicating
with the unseen world.
Well, I'm sure Mr. Taplinger doesn't
believe in the unseen world.
On the contrary, I always
thought the unseen world
was a good place
to open a restaurant.
Time to go, Sophie.
The spirits have
to eat somewhere.
Mr. Taplinger
is rather obnoxious.
Obnoxious, but he's not
entirely unappealing.
Congratulations, Stanley,
you've managed to alienate the entire
household in a single afternoon.
Oh, she's nothing
I haven't seen before.
Pretty young thing with a stage
mother who handles the promotion,
and who knows what else when the
lights are out at the seance.
I want you to see her working.
More importantly, I want to be
there when you expose them.
Well, I mean, she's not
even a good actress.
I get the impression
of the Orient. China. "
What utter bilge.
Well, I thought
that was quite good,
considering you
are Wei Ling Soo
and you have just
been to Germany.
Yes, it's all very tantalizing.
Oh, careful, she's tricky.
And yet, she's a fraud, Howard.
Because there is
no sixth sense.
There are five senses,
and no spirit world.
But there are coincidences.
Maybe she's made
some lucky guesses,
but we have to be careful not to
build them into something more.
Your daughter is going
to try to make contact
with my dear
departed Harry tonight.
Well, she's been waiting for
the right moment. Uh-huh.
Sophie needs
the proper vibrations.
Now, of course, we need to
purchase or build an establishment
suitable for the operation of
our foundation. Of course.
There will be various
assorted costs,
and naturally, all the
students will pay a fee.
And, I assume, profits will
go into psychic research?
Oh, most of them, uh...
Minus operating
expenses and sundries.
You can count on my support.
I've always known
there had to be
more to this life
than meets the eye.
How could it be that what we see
is all there is to everything?
And, that's such
a bleak thought.
Why would God
go to so much trouble
if everything comes to nothing?
Hmm.
Well, Sophie is...
Sophie is living proof that the
world is alive with hidden things.
She's such
an uplifting creature.
No wonder my son, Brice,
is so smitten with her.
I'm always chasing
Rainbows
Watching clouds
Drifting by
My schemes
Are just like all my dreams
Ending in the sky
Some fellows look
and find the sunshine
I always look
and find the rain
Some fellows
make a killing sometime
I never even make a gain
Believe me
I'm always chasing
Rainbows
Waiting to find
a little bluebird in vain
You know that
I'm in love with you?
You mustn't give your
heart away so quickly.
You looked into my eyes,
and without even knowing me,
you knew me better
than I know myself.
You knew my dreams
and my ambitions.
Please, don't tell me you're
in love with someone else.
Oh, no, no, of course not.
I never had time
to fall in love.
Mother and I were always
traveling, you know?
Unlike you, we're members
of the working class.
That's over.
I'm gonna take care of you and pamper
you for the rest of your life.
Do you like to travel?
I mean, on yachts?
Do you like to go to parties and buy
jewels and clothes and go dancing?
I'm a very good dancer.
I'm sure I could get used
to yachts and jewels.
I had an interesting chat
with Mr. Taplinger, as he's called.
You did?
Yeah, I'd say he has a classic
neurotic personality disorder.
Yeah, brilliant parents
who didn't get along,
closer to his aunt than his
mother, obsessed with mortality,
believes in nothing, finds
life to have no meaning.
Just a perfect depressive, with
everything sublimated into his art,
and he is quite an artist.
Oh, he began as
an escape artist.
Interesting choice if anyone ever
wanted to escape from reality.
But, like Freud,
he will not permit himself
to be seduced
by childish thoughts
just because
they're more comforting.
Very unhappy man.
I like him.
Ah, Miss Baker. Hello.
Rested, I presume?
Uh, yes, I had a bath.
I had a little nap.
And now, you're refreshed.
Well, no, not entirely.
I had an unpleasant dream.
I've had my share.
I dreamt I was being followed
by a sinister Chinese.
You have the Far East
on the brain.
What do you think it means?
I don't know.
Good evening.
I understand you're
holding a sance tonight.
She's been waiting
for the right moment,
and now, she says,
"The planets are in alignment".
And what do they have to
be in alignment with?
Your vertebrae?
Can you do the sance if someone
in the room is a non-believer?
And when you
contact the spirits,
will we be able
to see the souls?
And how are they
different from ghosts?
Or are they ghosts?
I should think souls
are quite different.
Have you ever heard of ectoplasm?
Ectoplasm?
Now, isn't that a milky
substance rather like yogurt?
Oh, you are a joker,
aren't you?
So, you're saying it
might look like yogurt,
but it will be Mrs. Catledge's
former husband.
Dinner.
Sophie, come to dinner.
Wife.
Isn't the light perfect,
Mother?
Really, what exactly
happens at a sance?
You know, I don't
believe you're so naive
as you make out
about the occult.
I will admit, my Uncle Charles
once attended a sance
where the medium made a lot
of amazing things happen,
and weeks later, she was
unmasked and sent to prison,
for defrauding people out of
substantial sums of money.
Charles. Uncle Charles.
Death by water.
What did you say?
What? Oh, I was just...
I was receiving some mental impressions.
Excuse me.
Come, Stanley, let's go to...
You look stunned.
I had an uncle who
drowned many years ago.
And when I mentioned him,
she lapsed into
a kind of fugue state
and muttered "Death by water".
Well, she knew
that my sister married
on March the seventh
to a bank manager.
There's absolutely no way
she could know that unless...
Oh, not you, too, Howard! No!
I'll make short work of her
tonight during the sance.
I would like us
now to join hands,
as we summon
the unseen world.
Now, we're here tonight
to contact the soul
of the departed husband
of Grace Catledge,
father of Brice and Caroline.
Now, I will try to achieve
a trance state.
I'm falling deeper,
and deeper,
into a trance.
Harry Catledge, give me a sign.
Give us a sign!
Harry?
Is that you, Harry?
Spirit?
Signal us once for "Yes".
Twice for "No".
Harry, are you okay?
Are you happy?
Ah!
Spirit, if you can hear me,
give me a sign.
That's not possible.
I mean, damn it, Stanley,
we've both done levitations.
I once raised a real tiger,
but we both have our tricks.
There was nothing supporting this
candle, no threads, no wires,
it was floating
until I brought it down.
Um...
I... I was just
telling Mr. Pepperidge here
how marvelously you made that candle
float with no apparent support.
"Apparent,"
I think, is the key word.
Is it "Pepperidge," or
"Talmudge," or "Taplinger?"
Anyway, it was a wonderful,
wonderful, super trick.
I mean, I grabbed the candle and found
absolutely nothing supporting it.
That's because
there's nothing to find.
My daughter is not some
commercial music hall attraction.
She doesn't do tricks.
She is an adept.
I hope I didn't disappoint
you at your first sance.
Oh, I found it
nothing short of perfection.
Well done, madam.
I can't even remember the last
time I've seen Mother so happy.
Will you join us?
We're all going to hear
some really hot music.
Hot music?
Come on, Sophie, come on.
Yeah, we...
I thought you said "All this
mental work was exhausting?"
Oh, it is,
but I love hot music.
Wife. Well, I hope you're
not plagued tonight
by the dream of
the sinister Chinese.
You know, I figured out
who you represented.
Really? Yes.
When I was much younger,
years ago,
I went and saw Wei Ling Soo.
Have you heard of him?
He's a Caucasian who disguised
himself as a Chinese,
and he billed himself as
the Great Oriental Wizard.
I see, and did you
enjoy his performance?
I did, very much.
He was brilliant.
He, um, he vanished
a live elephant.
And it was just...
I mean, it just was
completely shocking,
but of course,
it was mechanical tricks
that one could learn
with enough practice.
I see. And, your performance?
Oh, I wouldn't call
it a performance.
Well, call it what you will.
I mean,
it's a type of trickery,
like card magic or
vanishing an elephant.
And I say
you're Mr. Wei Ling Soo.
And I say there is nothing you
can do that I cannot duplicate.
Oh, I don't doubt it.
You're great.
But just because you can
duplicate my miracles,
in no way proves
that mine are not real.
It was quite a display.
I must say,
she impresses me.
And you saw
no signs of trickery?
Not yet.
Well, let's face it, Stanley,
you came to unmask her,
and she's unmasked you.
On the one side, yes, she's pulling
off these bewildering feats,
and on the other
remains the simple fact
that what she's claiming to do,
while exquisitely executed,
is simply not possible.
But who's to say
what's possible?
I'm a physician, and new
facts come to light,
new discoveries are
made all the time.
Things we never
dreamed possible.
To cure someone of blindness
by having her lie on a couch
and talk about her childhood.
I mean,
who'd have thought?
Yeah, but don't you see it challenges
our whole concept of reality?
I mean, if there's
an unseen world,
an afterlife, souls to contact,
mind reading,
foretelling the future...
Yes, it changes everything we've
held to be scientifically accurate.
It's true.
If what she claims
was possible,
everything would
surely take on new meaning.
And yes, very hopeful meaning.
To think, if there
were more to life...
More what?
That life
doesn't end with death?
That the universe
works by design?
That God exists.
All right,
let's not get carried away.
The woman is a charlatan.
Because, depressing as the
facts of existence are,
they are the facts.
There is no metaphysical world.
What you see out there
is what you get.
I think Mr. Nietzsche has disposed of
the God matter rather convincingly.
Good morning. wife.
May I? wife-hmm.
Did you sleep well,
Mr. Taplinger?
Or should I just call you
by your Chinese name?
You are a very clever
little humbug, Miss Baker.
What are you doing today?
I'm going
bird-watching with Brice.
Do you want to join us?
I can't think of
a more inane activity,
watching little
winged creatures
acting out nature's
pointless busywork.
Why don't you join me instead?
Where?
I'm driving to Provence
to visit my Aunt Vanessa.
She's a remarkable woman.
We could have lunch. Chat?
Actually, get to know
one another better.
You think you'll trick me into
showing you how I deceive people.
Come on.
I'm sure Brice Catledge
can live
without drooling all over
you for a few hours.
I think I'd like to visit Provence.
I've never been there.
Tell me, doesn't it ever
trouble your conscience
to fool that poor,
empty-headed Mrs. Catledge
into believing she's communicating
with her departed spouse?
I could just as easily ask you,
doesn't it ever bother you
to creep around,
dashing people's
dreams and hopes?
Not if their hopes are false.
Even if their hopes are false,
if it helps them
get through life?
Then you admit you're a fraud?
I wonder if you get your
cynicism from your grandfather,
the merchant seaman
with the missing finger.
The missing toe.
Why are you staring at me?
Where are you from?
Kalamazoo.
It's in Michigan.
And, you're from London.
I see a white
house in Belgravia.
Fourteen... No, 16.
Wilton Crescent.
A piano.
Yes, that's all correct
and rather amazing.
But I don't buy it.
'Cause I'm a rational man
who believes in
a rational world.
Any other way, lies madness.
You'd be happier
if I was a fraud,
because then,
your whole fixed worldview
wouldn't be shaken up.
No, it's quite the opposite.
If you knew how much I don't
want you to be a fake...
Oh, but think how embarrassing
it would be for you.
Your whole life, you spent publicly
crusading against spiritualism,
and then, you'd have to come out
with it and say that you were wrong.
But I'm not wrong.
Is that why Jenny dropped you?
How could you know about Jenny?
I see long, blonde hair.
A wonderful laugh.
Yes, she had a lovely laugh.
But who wants
a pessimistic bore
who hides in his room all day
and practices card tricks?
No, I'll tell you
who wants a man
who locks himself in his
room and practices all day,
who's a committed artist.
Olivia, my fiance.
Wife!
Yes.
Olivia. Hmm.
I see a match made in heaven.
How can you eat so much?
We just finished lunch.
I told you I like to eat a lot.
George's psychoanalyst says
it's because I need love,
but to me, I'm just hungry.
Oh, I mean,
a lot of people need love,
but they don't
eat their way to it.
You want some? No, thank you.
This is so beautiful.
It's transient.
Oh, Stanley, how nice
of you to drop by.
And you, I take it,
must be Olivia.
Olivia? No, no.
Olivia is a brunette.
And she's a bit taller than
me, and she's in London,
anxious to get
on with her trip,
so, she can get to
work on her book.
I'm Sophie.
Oh, you must be the American
the Catledges
say is so amazing.
Sophie fancies herself a
telepathic, among other things,
so, be careful what you
think, Aunt Vanessa.
We all know the evil
workings of your mind.
Stanley doesn't
believe in spiritualists.
He thinks
you're all scoundrels.
If so, you're a very
pretty little scoundrel.
If you see all and know all,
where's my aunt just been?
Somewhere for her health.
I see baths.
Is it sciatica or rheumatism?
It's sciatica, and that
is quite remarkable.
How can you know that I've just
come back from a spa in Italy?
However she knows, it's not
through mystical vibrations,
I can assure you.
Oh, he's always been so militantly
scientific, even at six years old.
One of the most kind
and gentle local priests
said that Stanley was the only
child in the neighborhood
destined for Hell.
And why do you
still trek to Italy,
to pay good money to bathe
in plain spring water
that is not
a drop more medicinal
than the water that
flows from your own tub?
I'm not going to get into that
debate with you, Stanley.
It brings out the beast in you.
And I see you still
buy this stupid nostrum.
It's a health mixture.
Sulfur, molasses
and barley extract.
It's disgusting
and is of no proven value.
Perhaps if I needed an emetic.
Am I the only sane person
left on this planet?
I love him, but he was always
an incorrigible child.
Can I give you something?
No, thank you. Just a little
wine, if you have any.
We've just eaten.
Oh, are those little cakes?
Good heavens, are you seriously
going to have more food?
They're delicious.
Unbelievable!
Now, tell me something about my
Aunt Vanessa's colorful past.
Oh, leave her alone, Stanley.
She's not a performing monkey.
Do you have a telephone
I could use?
I'm sorry, it's 3:00, and I was
supposed to meet Brice for drinks,
but I'm never gonna make it.
Brice Catledge is the young
milksop who's smitten with her,
and ready to lay his
family fortune at her feet
to subsidize her chicanery.
Can you believe it?
He serenades her.
Well, it sounds
rather romantic to me,
but you wouldn't know
about such things, Stanley.
It would mean
joining the human race.
Here, it's in the study.
Thank you.
Why do you badger her?
She's quite likable,
even if she is a fraud.
You know, one of the
cardinal rules of magic,
is that the magician
must never repeat his trick,
because sooner or later, one
begins to notice the move,
and he's caught.
But the more I watch her... Yes?
The more I'm stumped.
Could she be real?
I'm beginning to question
my own common sense.
I've always questioned
your common sense.
You've always been so certain
about the world, Stanley.
And I've always tried to teach
you that we don't know.
We really don't know.
We're just poor,
limited human beings.
The goldfish doesn't understand
who changes
the water in his bowl.
If only she was real,
it would lift the dark cloud
that's followed me
since childhood.
Well, I'm sure your fiance would
appreciate a sunnier bridegroom.
Olivia likes me as I am. Sophie
agrees we're a match made in heaven.
Has she met her?
No, but there,
she's guessing correctly.
I told Brice I'd be late.
I said I was just sitting down
for some of your blood pudding.
Tell me something
about my aunt.
Do you have a, uh, handkerchief
or an article of clothing,
or a piece of jewelry
I could use?
Oh, my pearls.
These are beautiful.
wife.
Yes.
Wife.
I'm receiving a...
It's cloudy.
Cloudy...
Here comes the usual
theatrical fertilizer.
I see an important Englishman.
Perhaps a member of Parliament.
Go on.
A love affair.
I don't believe this.
You cannot possibly know this.
Something's wrong.
What?
He's married.
Aunt Vanessa?
I see a sequence of trysts.
I've never told her anything.
He cannot leave his wife.
No, he did not.
And so, you're heartbroken.
Sophie, you are a miracle.
And you vow
never to love again.
How does she do it?
You're never to marry.
This is beyond comprehension. I've
never known anything like it...
But this is a symbol.
This is...
The breakup.
He gave me those
on our last evening together.
Sophie. I'm so sorry.
Sophie, is there
really a spirit world?
Do you really tune in on it?
Is there more?
Have I not seen it?
Where have you
been all my life?
When did you first realize you
had this extraordinary gift?
Oh, uh, very young.
My... My teens.
Well, and you saw it
as a way to make money?
Well, my father abandoned
us, and we were very poor.
Eh, but it's astounding.
I mean, I've always
believed that the dull,
tragic reality of life
is all there is,
but you are proof
that there's more.
More what?
More mystery, more magic.
Ch. on, will you...
Oh, dear.
Oh, boy.
You leave this to me.
I did get a little
anxious vibration
when the engine
started smoking back there.
Don't worry, I'm gonna
have a look at this.
I actually have an inkling
as to what this might be.
What are you gonna do?
Yes, not to worry.
I think it's the, um...
I'm actually...
I'm actually rather good at
dealing with anything mechanical.
I don't understand it!
I put the entire
engine back together,
and I still have
these two pieces.
This doesn't make any sense.
If I can just get
these back into here...
You should hurry.
It's gonna rain.
Don't worry,
it's not going to rain.
No, I think I can
feel it already.
No, the skies are clear...
We gotta put the top up.
I have to be able to do this...
We have to put the top up.
It's raining.
No, please just
give me a minute.
Stanley, come on... If I
can only put this in here.
We have to put the top up.
Come here! All right.
You can't put the top up
without taking this off.
What? How are you gonna
do it without the...
The canopy has to come off.
Okay, okay.
Okay, lift! Pull!
It's stuck, it's stuck!
All right.
No, don't do that. You'll
break it, you'll break it...
It's lightning, it's lightning.
We'll be killed.
There must be a catch somewhere.
What do we do?
Get under the car!
God, I don't want
to go under the car!
It's fine. It's on
four rubber wheels!
It can't get
struck by lightning!
Just go under there! No!
Oh, we're gonna die!
Run! Run! Run?
Stanley!
Come now, I've got you.
I've got you. Okay.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God, we're gonna die.
I know this place! What?
I can... I know this place!
How? We can go in there.
Let's run! Go! Come on.
Will it be open?
Well, it'll be open!
It always used to be open.
Goodness! I found
that rather exhilarating.
Did you see that lightning?
Goodness me.
I can't believe
I found this place.
What is this?
It's an observatory.
I came here as a boy.
Oh, thank God we found it.
We just got a little wet.
It's water.
Are you kidding? We could've
been struck by lightning.
We could die of pneumonia.
I'm sure your fiance
wouldn't be too pleased.
Well, this would never have
happened if Olivia was here.
Oh, no?
Um, she's, uh, too competent.
She'd have fixed the car.
Is she also a mechanic?
Well, she's one of those people
who's good at everything.
How lucky for you.
Yes, yes. That's.
I suppose so.
What are you staring at?
You have no idea how
miserable you look.
I'm freezing. I mean, the...
Can you hold me, or something?
I can offer you my waistcoat.
No, you're wetter than I am.
Just put an arm
around me, or you know...
Body heat, it's...
My aunt used to
bring me here as a boy.
The roof opens up.
Oh, really?
You can see the universe.
It's menacing.
Can you open it?
I hardly think that's the
brightest idea at the moment.
We just ran away from that.
It's still up there.
Oh, right, right.
Just have to wait it out. Hmm.
What was so menacing
about the universe?
The size.
Of course,
I was much smaller, then.
Poor Howard's car.
Are you a little warmer now?
Wife-hmm.
Tell me, with all your
powers of prognostication,
could you have ever predicted,
when you first saw me
vanishing an elephant
onstage in my Chinese ensemble,
that you and I would one day
end up in a deserted
celestial observatory
in a rainstorm in
the south of France?
It's highly ironic.
It's morbid.
I feel sleepy. I'm going
to have a little nap.
The rain stopped.
It stopped a while ago.
I didn't want to wake you.
You looked too
peaceful sleeping.
Yes, it's the first peaceful sleep
I've had in a very long time.
Does this thing open the roof?
Yes, let me show you.
I've never forgotten this.
You find that menacing?
No.
I'd say it was pretty romantic.
Who stole
my heart away
Who makes me dream all day
Dreams I know
can never come true
Seems as though
I'll never be blue
Who
Means my happiness
Who
Would I answer yes to
Well, you ought to guess who
Who?
No one, but you
Penny for your thoughts.
Oh!
Nothing.
Well, you know
what my thoughts are?
I've already told you
I want to marry you.
That we'll get married at summer's
end at the Donaldsons' yacht.
It's enormous,
and it can accommodate
all the guests
we'd want to have.
And then after the wedding,
we sail it,
with those who wish,
from Monaco to Greece,
and then we honeymoon
on the Greek Islands.
What do you think?
That's pretty swanky stuff
for a girl from Kalamazoo.
And then we'll live in Europe.
You'll run your foundation.
You'll be world-famous.
I'll be so proud of you.
You know, my mom has been so
happy since you've been here.
Before you came, she was so
glum, and now she's all aglow.
Pierre! Bring the boxes
up to mademoiselle's room.
Merci!
What are those?
Well, you know those dresses
you were fawning over when
we walked through town?
I got them for you.
All of them.
I told you I was
gonna pamper you.
Who?
Shall I sell the beach
house on the Jersey Shore?
Then, I won't.
I really didn't want to.
It has such
sentimental meaning.
I'm so glad you
said that, Harry.
Go on.
Um...
Harry, I hope this question
doesn't embarrass you,
but I have to ask it.
Were you always faithful to me?
I knew it!
Certain so-called friends of
mine suggested otherwise,
that you had a long affair
with Sally Summers.
No, I really didn't believe it.
But I'm ashamed to admit,
I did wonder.
Oh, Harry...
I'm so relieved to know
that I was the only one.
I... I was the only one,
wasn't I?
Oh!
How wonderful you make me feel.
Well, look who's strolling
the grounds this morning!
Why aren't you in
your room, practicing?
I'm too excited
to lock myself away.
What are you and Brice up to?
Brice is away for
the week, in Paris.
Mother and I are going swimming.
Ah!
I'm sure swimming isn't
your favorite pastime.
Nonsense.
I accept your invitation.
Just need to buy
a bathing suit,
and I'll, uh, meet you
by the pool.
We're not going to the pool.
We prefer to
swim off the rocks.
The rocks? Even better.
Live dangerously, I say.
You only live once.
Or maybe two or three times,
depending on your
supply of ectoplasm.
You are a much
better swimmer
than I would have imagined.
I'm also
a much better dancer.
Really? You must take
me dancing sometime.
Perhaps I shall,
now that life is no longer weary,
stale, flat and unprofitable.
Oh, that's from something.
Is that Dickens?
Oh, dear, poor thing.
Madam, your wunderkind has
much catching up to do. Huh?
Isn't that Dickens?
That's Dickens.
The Seventh is
actually one of my favorites
of Beethoven's symphonies,
but if you haven't heard them,
the string
quartets are sublime.
Especially the late ones,
the 15th and the 16th.
Of course, they are rather
intellectually demanding,
but that's the thing
about intelligence.
You must never despair.
Yours can be raised.
You know, it's extraordinary.
I have smelled these
flowers 100 times,
and yet I have never really
smelled them until now.
What a pity.
All the rest of the human
race that you consider boobs,
smelling flowers
and you all left out.
Now, wait. Yes.
They... They've enjoyed,
but mindlessly,
because they never thought.
They never...
They never stopped
for a moment to consider what a
rotten deal it all appears to be.
To be born,
to have committed no crime,
and yet to be
sentenced to death.
Ah, but notice I say,
"Appears to be".
Alvin, hello.
It's Stanley Crawford.
Yes, Wei Ling Crawford.
How are you?
Good, splendid.
Listen, Alvin, I have the story
of a lifetime for your paper
and I wanted you
to have it first.
No... Well, yes, it is a...
It's a theatrical piece,
but it's...
It's much more
than that, much more.
It's science, it's...
It's philosophy, it's religion.
Brice is coming home
tonight from Paris.
The week went so fast.
Have you decided to accept
Brice's marriage proposal?
Well...
He is pushing me very hard.
Well, I'd grab it
if I were you.
I mean, it'd be logical.
An uneducated nobody
from some
ridiculous-sounding city,
gifted, miraculously, through
no achievement of your own,
and now you've developed
a taste for high living...
Yachts, motorcars.
You know, Stanley,
I'm not quite as desperate
as you make me out to be.
There have actually
been a number of,
I don't know, substantial men who
have fallen in love with me.
Really? wife-hmm.
Hmm. Well, you could've
fooled me.
Although,
with the ability you have,
one does automatically
become intriguing...
And you do have
agreeable features,
but it's your gift,
I'm sure, which is...
Well, I wouldn't say charming,
but it is impressive.
I mean, even you just said
I have agreeable features.
They're more than agreeable.
Provided the light
hits you just so.
Can I ask what time
of day that might be?
Just in case I ever need to look
my best for a job interview?
Dusk. You're
prettiest at about 8:20
in the summer,
when the light is fading.
Oh, I see,
the light must be fading,
so that I'm not too visible.
Exactly. I'm thinking when I do
the vanishing elephant trick,
you must be lit precisely
as I light the elephant.
Oh!
I don't think I'll pursue that.
You coming to the ball,
at the palace?
Of course I am.
My whole life I've wanted
to go to a ball like that.
Do you have a date?
I do, indeed.
I'm going with the most charming
woman in the south of France.
My Aunt Vanessa.
I like her.
I am going to dance and drink
and enjoy all the things
you have brought to my life.
Maybe you and I can even
have a dance together.
Didn't you say that we might
have a dance together?
Ah, your mental vibrations told
you my feet are killing me.
Please, be my guest.
She so appreciates
your support.
Aunt Vanessa?
You know that you're the
only person tonight
who hasn't made a comment
on my appearance.
I'm overwhelmed, Sophie.
I never dreamed you could
look this beautiful.
That's more like it.
You must have moved mountains
to achieve this effect.
Thanks.
And this is all without the
added benefit of the lighting
that you give your elephant.
You know, tomorrow I'm doing
that press conference about you.
Wife-hmm.
Tell me, um, Stanley.
Apart from my gift,
which has changed
your life so...
Have you not, in the...
In the time that
we've spent together,
had any other
thoughts about me?
Well, I've already told you,
I'm in awe of you.
I don't mean as a mystic.
I'm...
I mean as a woman.
As a woman?
What an odd question.
I've never technically
regarded you as a woman.
You were a charlatan
who turned the tables on me,
and now I feel both
humbled and proud.
You're proud of me?
You? No, I'm proud of myself
for being big enough
to admit that I was wrong
and foolish all these years.
I've been rather snobbish
and, uh, and rude.
Condescending about
other people's faith.
So you never thought
about me as a female?
Well, I was always certain
you were not of my sex,
if that's what you're asking.
And quite good to look at.
I mean, comparatively.
I've exposed some
pretty unattractive mediums,
a number of
horrible-looking creatures.
You do understand,
I'm seriously considering
marrying Brice Catledge?
Well, I think
you'd be insane not to.
You don't see it as
a little hasty of me?
Well, it's you who can
foretell the future,
and I'm sure your vibrations
are very positive.
And common sense
would say that this man
is a tremendous catch for you.
Far beyond what you could hope,
given your trivial resume.
And of course, now that
you're emerging as a...
As a phenomenon, you'll always
be able to do quite well,
financially, although nothing
like the Catledge fortune.
And most of your time
will be spent with your...
Your foundation,
where he'll be a great help.
So the time that
we've spent together,
has just had
no impact on you
whatsoever?
I say, don't...
You don't tell me you're experiencing
romantic feelings for me?
What if I was?
Well, that's absurd.
You imagined
that you and I...
Isn't it enough you've opened
my eyes to the joy of living?
I mean,
you've conquered my mind.
Do you, do you also need
to conquer my heart?
I just thought, in the time
that we had spent together
that you..
Don't misunderstand me.
I hold you in the highest
possible esteem,
and tomorrow, I am prepared
to tell the world as much.
Excuse me.
Ah, there you are, Stanley.
I don't know about you,
but I danced till dawn.
Can you believe the little
medium has grown fond of me?
Well, why shouldn't she?
According to the newspapers,
you're her
greatest press agent.
No, no, I mean... I mean, she's
emotionally taken with me.
I believe she fancies herself
falling in love with me.
But you're both spoken for.
I know. It defies all reason.
She's on the verge of
capturing a rich young man,
dullard that he is.
And Olivia and I are,
by her own vibrations,
the acme of congruity.
Well, it seems you've given
the matter some thought.
I was rather taken aback.
She is looking rather
stunning this evening.
Yes, to be sure.
She did make a rather
surprising entrance.
Come, I've got to
drive back to Provence,
and you have some journalists
to see in a few hours.
How did you first
discover Miss Baker?
I came to unmask her, as I
have done countless others,
but after trying
every which way,
came to the indisputable
conclusion
that she is a genuine medium.
How can you be so certain
she's authentic?
I know all the tricks.
Conjuring is my life's passion.
Debunking fake mediums,
my specialty.
What are her
plans for the future?
She plans to start a foundation
and a school for
teaching the occult.
How does it feel to be wrong
all these years
about the occult?
Well, on the one side,
I'm embarrassed,
but also thrilled to finally
be able to take a deep breath
and see new
possibilities in life.
So, it is fair
to say that you feel
the world is not as
rational and predictable
as you've always so adamantly,
and sometimes insultingly,
claimed?
I deserve your criticism,
I know.
I've always been a rational man
with a great faith in science.
What can I say?
But it would appear
that perhaps,
to say I believe
in the dignity of man
is simply not enough.
Even as a
baby, it was clear
from the very beginning
that she was a special child.
It's gonna be
a world-class foundation.
Yes, there'll be
students from all over the world.
You have to see her.
They are very
close friends of mine.
I came at once,
but she stumped me,
so I brought in Mr. Wei
Ling Soo under an alias
to unmask her.
Now you see the result.
And damned if
he isn't her biggest fan.
There you are.
Excuse me.
I have some seriously
distressing news. What?
Your aunt's been in a serious
automobile accident.
What happened?
Is she all right?
She's in critical condition
at the hospital.
I need to get there. Yes,
of course, I'll drive you.
Do you want me to come with you?
I know the way...
Jacques.
Bonjour, George.
This is Stanley.
Yes, how do you do?
So, how's she doing?
What's happening?
What was...
En anglais.
Oh, she's in
the operating room now.
Everyone is doing his best.
So what do you think?
Is she going to be all right?
At this moment,
it's touch-and-go.
Touch-and-go?
You... You can wait
there, if you want.
Touch-and-go.
You're in surgery with her?
Yeah, I know.
Now, don't worry.
They have
an excellent staff here.
You know, she's an
incredible woman.
She practically raised me.
She's been through
a lot in her life.
Sit down. Let me
get you some tea.
No, I'm too shaken up for tea.
Well, perhaps I can
scare up a whiskey?
Better idea.
You know, she shouldn't be
allowed to drive at her age.
Well, it's in the hands
of the doctors now.
I know how helpless one feels,
but all you can do is
just keep calm and pray.
Yes.
The power of prayer.
Always ridiculed it.
Oh, as have I.
And yet,
some people swear by it.
You know, I know
this sounds crass,
particularly coming from me,
a man of science, but...
If the worst happens,
at least through Sophie,
you'll be able to
contact her spirit.
Yes.
Yes, that's comforting,
isn't it?
Yes.
I never thought
I'd say it, but yes.
Well, you buck up,
and I will find that whiskey.
I don't know if you can hear me
and I haven't always led
an exemplary life. I've...
I've not only been a skeptic,
a non-believer,
but been much worse...
A man with contempt for,
for people who give themselves
over to the idea that,
that there's some kind of
benevolent father figure up there.
I've always said
it was childish,
wishful thinking,
strictly for primitives,
all these,
all these hopes about
a purpose for life,
a larger meaning.
That all our suffering
will somehow accrue to some
greater plan.
But if what I see
of late is real
then I don't have
all the answers.
It's possible,
even logical, that
we are here by design,
to serve some higher ideal.
And that you
could be real.
And although I have no
right to expect anything,
my aunt,
whom I love,
is in mortal danger.
And so, I ask you...
I ask you...
Wait a minute.
This is the stupidest
load of twaddle
I have ever heard.
My common sense tells me,
I'm falling into
a seductive morass
of sugarcoated claptrap
because I want
my aunt to be all right.
That girl
is a fake.
I told you the surgeons
were wonderful.
Should I not stay?
Well, there's nothing
for you to do here.
She's sleeping comfortably.
She responded
well to the drugs.
The surgery went beautifully.
She's out of danger.
You know, after you left,
I began to pray for her.
Really?
Then I rejected the entire
notion as pure poppycock.
And that includes
Miss Sophie Baker.
Is that right?
Well, if Sophie is a fraud,
then how does she do
what she does?
on, Stanley!
Oh, we were all so worried.
So worried!
You can imagine how anxious we
were about your Aunt Vanessa.
Yes!
Thank God!
Madam, I can assure you,
God had nothing to do with it.
She had good doctors.
Yeah, we have all been
on tenterhooks, Stanley.
Well, couldn't Sophie
have predicted the outcome
and put all your minds at ease?
Me? I didn't even know.
I was so mobbed
by all the press, I...
If I had known,
I would have gone
with you to the hospital.
Well, it's all over.
And, "All's well that ends well".
That's not Dickens.
Well, now that
everything's ended well,
shall we repair to the garden?
Brice? Mrs. Baker?
Me? Great idea.
I'm so excited about the further
details of the foundation.
I want to talk over...
Actually, there
are a few financial details...
Mother, I'm just
gonna stay here.
And thank you, by the way.
And I really want to
go into some detail
about how much...
Stanley, I can't imagine what has
been going through your mind.
I mean, Aunt Vanessa's
such a dear woman.
Yes, well, a man
in a hospital waiting room
while a loved one
is under the knife
has many feverish thoughts.
I imagined that if I prayed
my prayers might be heard.
You thought of praying?
I never imagined
I would hear those words.
And my ace in the hole,
so to speak, was that...
Even if the worst had happened and
Aunt Vanessa had sadly passed away,
you could always put me in touch
with her in the spirit world,
and that...
That rather put
a smile on my face.
Well, in the end,
she pulled through.
Well, you look exhausted.
Well, can you blame me?
What I need now is a good
bath and a nap and...
So, if you'll excuse me...
Yes, of course.
Stanley...
Oh, I'm so relieved
about Aunt Vanessa.
She's such a marvelous woman.
Yeah, she's so lovely.
We should break open
the champagne.
We should celebrate.
Aunt Vanessa's
recovered.
Not to mention that I
find this whole thing
a most rewarding experience.
You feel no remorse?
Why should I feel remorse?
Hoodwinking a lifelong friend.
Wife.
I see it quite differently.
Hoodwinking is what we do.
Now, you've got to understand
that since we were boys,
I have played second fiddle
to that egomaniacal,
self-regarding...
Genius.
Yeah, he's a
genius at what he does,
and I turned out
to be a mere mortal.
But now, after years
of trailing in his wake,
and I admit,
some envy and resentment,
I have finally put one over
the great Wei Ling Soo.
I have fooled the man
who could not be fooled.
Not quite, Howard.
How did...
You admired this effect
when you saw my show in Berlin.
I said I'd teach it to you
if you behaved yourself,
but you have not behaved.
It's a trick, Sophie.
I don't really dematerialize
and reassemble my ectoplasm
any more than you contact
spirits or read minds.
Stanley, I can explain...
I watched you so closely.
Howard watched your mother,
but who watched Howard?
You were free
to rap on the table.
You seized the floating candle,
you swore there were no
wires making it float,
and I took you at your word.
You were free to rap
once for yes, twice for no.
And when Sophie excused
herself at my aunt's
to make a telephone call,
she called you
and you fed her
information about my aunt.
At first, I couldn't believe
you would betray me like that.
But, as you know,
lam a misanthrope.
And that people do
unconscionable things
does not run counter to my
normal view of humanity.
As boys, we both chose
magic as our calling.
We both practiced day and
night, I as much as you.
My skill was
the equal of yours,
and yet, you emerged onto the
world stage as the great artist.
But it wasn't fair.
Life's not fair, Howard.
In fact, as a general
rule, as I've often said,
it's pretty nasty.
Because of Sophie,
I began to succumb
to magical thinking.
And for a while,
I was actually happy.
But I was happy
as a fool is happy.
Happiness is not
the natural human condition.
And incidentally, you never
practiced as much as I did,
and your skill
was never equal to mine.
Stanley, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry...
I ran into Howard here when he
was sent to expose me, and he...
He did expose me, quite easily.
But we made this private
pact to do this scheme,
and I only agreed because it
meant so much to Mom and me.
I view your behavior as
a great man views
the malicious mischief of...
What shall we say, pygmy?
You're a fake.
As I always should have
known, and did, in my heart.
I only wish I hadn't wasted
so much time with you.
Well, now you're just being
a pompous stick in the mud.
We played an elaborate
joke on you, Stanley.
No one was harmed.
My reputation will suffer,
and you played me for a fool.
Your reputation is all ego!
I've...
Yes, yes,
things got out of hand,
but no awful thing happened.
I mean, you were...
You were happy.
And you enjoyed life for once.
You saw the world
as optimists see the world.
And we had some
laughs together,
so don't say that you wasted
your time with me.
What would you have been doing?
Sitting in your room and shuffling
cards in front of a mirror?
All my optimism
was an illusion.
Well, I started
reading that book
by that German philosopher,
you know, that you gave me?
I didn't really
understand much of it,
but he said that we need
our illusions to live.
You mean lies.
You were much happier
when you let some lies
into your life, Stanley.
Think about it,
Stanley,
do you really want to ruin the
peace of mind Grace Catledge has,
secure in the knowledge that she
is her husband's only love?
We can't go around
deluding ourselves.
But we must.
If we're to get through life.
I mean, I didn't say it,
I'm just quoting,
you know, Mister...
Um...
Nietzsche.
And, in the end, who really knows
what's real and what's not?
Well, it's quite clear what's real,
my praying for my aunt was poppycock,
the doctor's skill was real.
No. You will never
know that, because George,
Caroline's husband,
the psychoanalyst,
told me that he was praying
for your aunt, too.
And so we don't know if maybe
it was his prayers
that got answered.
Maybe the angels
like him better.
I won't dignify this
conversation any longer
I'm going to go
and visit my Aunt Vanessa
until she's on her feet,
and then good-bye.
And you won't forgive me?
Well, I can't forgive you.
Only God can forgive you.
But you said there is no God.
Precisely my point.
Lovers depend on
moonlight for a love affair
Babies depend on mothers
for their tender care
Flowers depend on sunshine
and the morning dew
Each thing depends
on something
And I depend on you
I can be happy, I can be sad
I can be good, I can be bad
It all depends on you
I can be lonely
out in a crowd
I can be humble
Oh, it's good
to be home.
More robust than ever,
I'll wager.
"What doesn't kill me
makes me stronger. "
A great man said that.
Oh, not
the "God is dead" fellow.
The very same.
Nevertheless,
I think he was wrong.
What doesn't kill us often
knocks the hell out of us.
Well, sometimes a close
call wakes a person up.
I've had another idea
for our honeymoon.
What if,
after the Greek Islands,
we set sail for the South Seas.
I've always wanted
to visit Bora Bora.
Would that interest you?
I've never...
I've never heard of it,
but the name
sounds pretty exotic.
Exotic? wife-hmm.
I love how you pick
always the exact right word.
Yes, of course, Olivia.
I'll be home in a few days.
I just have to see that Aunt
Vanessa is up and running,
and, uh, I have one or two
press interviews I have to do.
Some things need to be
smoothed over.
This is where
I could use your tact.
Yes, of course. Yes.
Bye, darling.
I bet you'll be glad
to get back to London
and put all this behind you.
Um...
You might enjoy the Galapagos.
You're a great admirer
of Darwin's.
Big turtles. Yes, I suppose so.
And of course,
you must miss Olivia.
Um...
A very fine woman. I can tell
that from her photographs.
Such elegance and style.
Absolutely perfect
for a man of your taste.
Well, yes, it's...
There's no question.
We're ideally suited.
A very... And you need
a well-educated woman
to keep up with you.
And she's quite
attractive, to boot.
Yes, yes,
it's very easy to see us
side by side
through life's journey.
A very handsome couple indeed.
Yes, there's no question.
We're ideally suited.
As you would say.
A quite rational choice.
I mean, it's not
entirely cerebral.
I mean, I do love her.
What are you suggesting?
Suggesting? In the
nuance of your tone?
Of course I love her.
Or are you saying
you think I've come to
love Sophie Baker?
Me? I never mentioned Sophie.
Well, I thought you
were heading there.
Sophie Baker?
The little fake who
played you for a dupe?
Exactly. That wretch.
Why would I suggest you've
fallen in love with Sophie?
Well, you might.
I never know what goes on
in that devious mind of yours.
The very idea of you and that
specious American telepathic.
Well, I know
it defies all reason.
You, a creature of reason.
A man of intellect.
To be sure.
Certainly not trivial.
No, to say the least.
And she's hardly in the
same class as Olivia.
The comparison makes me laugh.
Olivia is a person
of accomplishment and charm.
Sophie's a street finagler
who makes her way living off
one bit of hokum to the next.
Well, I don't see how you
can compare the two.
Well, don't put ideas
into my head!
Well, far be it from me.
Of course, she does come
from dire circumstances.
I mean, it's very
easy to be judgmental
about people who are
born into circumstances
less fortunate than one's own.
Life is harsh.
One must do what one
must to survive.
Well put.
And people do sometimes
make the wrong choices,
which they regret,
even though no serious
harm was done.
Which of us has not made
some blunders in life?
And there is a rather appealing
quality about Sophie.
Despite her
disgusting behavior.
Yes, her smile
is rather winning.
Of course, it depends
how much value
you put on the purely physical.
STANLEY; Well, no, I...
I, for one,
esteem the higher virtues.
Hmm...
Beauty of the soul.
Although her eyes are rather
pleasant to look into.
And that she can be amusing,
under the right circumstances.
Oh, but Olivia is an
educated, cultivated woman.
One that befits a man
of your artistic genius.
Yes, now, my genius
must be factored in.
On paper,
there's really no reason
to prefer Sophie to Olivia.
Well, I would say the opposite.
And so
your suggestion that I,
I be honest with Olivia
and tell her that
irrational as it seems,
I've fallen in
love with Sophie,
that's a preposterous notion.
It's lunacy.
Yet I can't help
feeling that...
That you love Sophie.
Yes, I understand.
You're puzzled and bewildered
because your foolish logic
tells you that
you should love Olivia.
Foolish logic?
And yet, how little
that logic means
when placed
next to Sophie's smile.
What are you saying?
That the world may or may
not be without purpose,
but it's not totally without
some kind of magic.
I have irrational positive
feelings for Sophie Baker.
It's like witnessing
a trick I can't figure out.
I wouldn't try to figure it out.
I'd simply move on it.
Word is, she's already accepted
Brice Catledge's proposal.
Taken to reading
the great books?
Yes.
Well, you once said
not to despair.
There's hope for my brain.
Perhaps I was a bit caustic.
But you will
admit you were guilty
of some rather sleazy doings.
Yes, well, those days are over.
I no longer have to worry about
where to sleep and how to eat.
I take it Brice Catledge has made
a serious marriage proposal?
Yes.
A very tempting one.
Wouldn't you agree?
Yes, I suppose so.
But I'm here to make you
a more tempting one.
More tempting than this?
I came to say
that for some
inexplicable reason
that defies common sense
and human understanding,
that I have, of late,
experienced some small...
Quite small, but discernible
inner stirrings
regarding your smile.
How magnanimous of you.
Yes,
I thought you'd think so.
And possessing
a soul which is large
and capable of complexity,
as all great minds are,
I have decided to forgive you
and take you under my wing.
Your wing?
It's a saying. Obviously,
I don't have wings.
I only mean that,
incredible as it sounds,
and this is no small gesture,
given the time wasted
and the public embarrassment
you've caused me,
that I'm
willing to take you back.
Take me back where?
Under the moon
in the observatory.
I regretted what I was doing,
but I was too inept
to change course,
and I apologize.
Really.
And I accept your forgiveness.
I understand that
it's very generous of you,
and I have to be going.
Going? I haven't said
what I came for.
Well, then just say it and go,
because I have a dinner
to go to with my fianc.
I'm here to say
that in spite of everything,
lam willing to
consider marrying you.
What? Naturally,
you can't believe your good fortune.
I appreciate that.
Stanley, brilliant as you
are with a deck of cards,
you are terrible at proposing.
I've never proposed before.
Oh, really?
Not even to your fiance?
She proposed marriage.
The truth is I've never really
felt the urge to propose before.
Use your head!
We're not a match
made in heaven,
and as you've said
before many times,
when the heart rules the
head, disaster follows.
But the fact is
I love you.
And somewhere in your confused,
black, little criminal's heart,
you care for me.
I'm marrying Brice Catledge.
You advised me to.
You must never take my advice.
I'm a major eccentric.
You know, Brice adores me,
and he offers me
a life of travel
and excitement and high living.
No, no,
he worships you, and you
don't want to be worshiped.
You'll be bored.
Oh. Sailing to
the Greek Islands?
And Bora Bora?
Well, they're just, they're
just rocks in the ocean!
It's who you go with!
Do you want to spend the
rest of your life with a man
who plays the ukulele
and croons to you?
You know I like you
very much, Stanley.
I even began
falling in love with you.
But when you went on to show
me how irrational it was,
and then you proved it
with geometrical logic. No.
Geometry was never
my strong subject.
After all,
what can you offer me?
Grumpy moods?
Insults?
Pessimistic grumbling
about how awful life is
for all of us?
Well, around you,
I'm not gloomy.
That's only
because I fooled you
into thinking that there's more
to life than meets the eye.
No, no, I have not
lost my pessimism,
but you are like an oasis
in the grim desert.
And as far as
what I can offer you,
life with a brilliant
and witty genius.
I have to go.
No, this is your last offer.
You must not be an ingrate.
Good-bye, Stanley.
I will not stand around
here, cap in hand,
waiting for some halfpenny
con artist to be my bride!
This is it.
You don't agree now,
offer's off the table.
Do you hear me?
You irritating Lilliputian!
You're throwing away
your passport to paradise!
Can you forgive me, Stanley?
Oh, I have forgiven you,
Howard,
as I've forgiven Sophie.
I agree, I needed
a pie in the face.
Well, I saw a side of you in
this I've never seen before.
It was refreshing.
Even now, Sophie's smile
still penetrates my soul.
Now you believe
we have souls?
No, I believe each of us must find
a reason to truly embrace life,
and for me,
Sophie is that reason.
Well, if nothing else,
it's made you certain
it would've been
a mistake to marry Olivia.
I spoke to Olivia
on the telephone.
She's much less upset
than I'd anticipated.
Very calm, very reasonable.
She's in the Galapagos.
She said she was disappointed,
but she understood that
these things happen,
and if I was still going to
feel this way when I returned,
it's much better
we found out now.
What a lovely,
rational human being.
I should look her up.
She's bright, pretty,
she likes magicians.
Well, how did it go?
Can you believe
she turned me down?
Oh.
Poor Stanley.
That scamp could've had me,
but instead,
she chose Brice Catledge.
Well, he is very rich
and good-looking.
She'd have been
happier with me.
So in the end, you lost her.
It's sad, because
there really was
something between us.
Some chemistry. Some magic.
And I say chemistry
or magic because...
I believe I actually
loved her from the first,
first moment
I laid eyes on her.
Well, love at first sight is
a kind of magic, isn't it?
You need a drink.
What will you have?
A scotch, please.
In the end,
she proved to be a fool.
You mean to choose that handsome
young millionaire over you?
Well, she may
come to her senses.
Women do change their mind
about such things.
Well, it's too late... I've
taken the offer off the table.
I'll not let myself be
pushed around by big eyes
and a smile.
Although she's much more.
But she had her chance,
and she said no.
You mean if she changed her
mind, you wouldn't accept her?
It's too late.
Oh, you can't be that stubborn.
Well, I suppose if she woke
up and realized how happy
she'd be with me,
how much more fun
she'd have in life,
how much I'd come to love her.
She gave nothing back.
She gave you no sign
at all that she cared?
If she'd given me a sign,
I'd have taken her
in my arms, carried her off
and married her.
All I was looking for
was one sign.
Sophie?
Will you marry me?