Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023) Movie Script

1
[rain falling]
[Zadie] The impulse to dance
existed long before
our primate ancestors
evolved into humans.
Evolutionary biologists
suggest that dance
was used by early humans
to promote
the social cooperation
essential for our survival.
Indeed,
studies have found that
today's best dancers all share
the two specific genes
associated
with excellent
interpersonal skills.
But despite its power
to save our species,
dance could not save
a small furniture company
in Miami
from the economic tsunami
of a global pandemic,
so like many 40-year-old
Millennial white males,
Mike Lane found himself
alone and adrift in an ocean
of failed relationships
and unrealized dreams.
[event planner] Excuse me?
Hello!
This area is off-limits.
Oh. Well, then
you really shouldn't
be here then, should you?
Cute.
Get dressed, start unloading.
Trucks just pulled in.
All right.
[Latin music plays
on speakers]
[housewife 1] So, is she
living in Miami now, or...
[housewife 2] Well,
she can't go back to London,
Roger's there.
[housewife 3] She has to
go back, for the daughter.
[housewife 4]
Roger still wants it to work,
according to Bob.
[housewife 3]
She should have just canceled
instead of walking around
like a zombie.
[housewife 1] Totally.
-[housewife 3 clears throat]
-And here she is.
Hi.
Thank you so much.
This is absolutely beautiful.
-Oh, thank you
for your contribution.
-You look stunning.
-Scotch, please.
-Neat or rocks?
Neat.
You getting what you want?
With the fundraiser. It looks
like it's going all right.
Nobody here knows what the
Big Blue Rescue Project is
and yet they give me
their money every year.
Well, I just think
people like to
look at what they can't have.
I guess.
What's up, bro?
Two vodka sodas.
Two vodka sodas.
-So, what do you think? Yeah?
-Yeah. Sounds good.
Wait. I know you.
You went to State, right?
[softly chuckles] State?
No, definitely not.
Huh. We've definitely met.
Uh, no. I don't know. Sorry.
-Don't freak the guy out, hon.
-I'm not. [giggles]
Holy shit. I got it.
You really don't remember?
I don't know.
Was it at my store? Huh?
No. You were a cop, right?
-What's your name?
-Kim.
[women squeal]
["Mo Cash!" by Vegas Audio
Ninjas plays over speakers]
[Latin music plays
on speakers]
[chuckles] Uh, yeah. Like way
back in the day. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Right, right, right.
Got it. [chuckles]
Nice pull, hon!
Did you arrest her?
Uh, no, I think I let you off
with a warning. Right?
Mm-hmm.
It was my pledge party.
I was being very disorderly.
[chuckles] You being good now?
You behaving?
-Yes, I'm great, actually.
-Good.
I'm on Maxandra's legal team
so... here to support.
That's cool. What kind of law
do you practice?
Family Law generally. But,
I do specialize in divorce.
-Well, it was good to see you.
-See you in another 10 years.
-Cheers. Be good.
-I'll do my best.
[cell phone rings]
[event planner] You!
Bartender.
Mrs. Rattigan
would like a word.
Uh, we're not done
breaking down.
Did you hear what I said?
She'd like
to see you right now.
Bullshit. Hey, look,
you don't have to explain it
to me. All right?
Explain it to Zadie.
Ma'am?
Of course,
I'm super uncomfortable
doing that and I won't do it.
Because that's a date
with chaperones.
I'm not stupid, Roger.
Ma'am, uh,
they said to come see you.
Should I just wait outside?
I don't want to see you!
All right?
Get it into your head,
if you need to talk to me
then bring the lawyers.
Um, bartender?
I'm sorry. They said to come
see you. I didn't mean to--
Yes, yes, please come back.
Okay.
-[sighs]
-Yeah?
[nervous laugh] You know...
Do you like bartending?
Sure. Uh, it's not
really what I do,
but yeah. Why not?
So, what is it
that you really do?
[chuckles] Uh, yeah-- Well,
it's-- That's a long story.
Did you want me for something?
[inhales] Yeah...
Um, what's your name?
Mike.
Nice to meet you, Mike.
Nice to meet you.
How much?
How much for what?
You know. Please don't make me
[slight chuckle]
spit it out
because this is the first time
I do this
and it's not comfortable.
[slight chuckle]
Look, I don't know
what you're talking about.
What?
But Kim told me that she
knew you, and run into you,
and that you were a dancer.
-Oh, Kim-- Kim told you that?
-Yeah.
-Right.
-[sighs]
Uh, look, I don't really
do that anymore, so--
Uh, what was your name?
Max.
Max, it was nice to meet you.
Uh, thanks for--
I'm s-- I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to offend you.
No, you didn't offend me.
Don't worry. It's all--
Really, I have no idea
what I'm doing.
It's just I'm not
normally like this...
it's just that I've had
like the shittiest day
and the shittiest week...
and the shittiest month,
and the shittiest year.
Same here.
Welcome to the club.
Don't worry,
you didn't offend me.
Okay. [exhales]
[chuckles] It was nice
to meet you.
So, let's say...
if you were to do this just,
like, one last time.
Mm-hmm?
How much would something
like that go for?
How much would something
like that go for?
[sharp inhale]
Uh, $60,000? Maybe.
-$60,000?
-Yeah. Yeah, 60.
Let's call it 60.
What the fuck do you do?
She said it was a silly dance.
Who said that? Kim?
Kim said that? It was silly?
Yeah. She said
it was a silly dance,
but that it would
get my mind off of things.
And if she's right,
I'm willing to pay six.
What?
You're serious right now?
You're gonna pay me $6,000
to give you a dance?
Yeah, but no happy endings,
huh?
So we have a deal?
[exhales]
Are you leaving?
[door locks]
You know I have security.
Mm-hmm.
What are you doing?
Um, you seem like
you need a drink.
[sighs] I really, really do.
[Mike clears his throat]
Why are you moving my flowers?
These will work better here.
You have a really, really,
[slight chuckle]
really nice house.
Thank you.
Everything's made really well.
[Mike clears his throat]
Are you redecorating?
Maybe. Do you have music?
You might want to
finish your drink.
[buttons click]
[Mike chuckles]
[instrumental music plays
over speakers]
[Mike swallows, exhales]
So, I don't know if you
really know what you bought...
but I'm gonna give it
to you anyway.
And at any point I take you
past your comfort zone--
I fucking slap you.
You can slap me.
That's perfect.
May I touch you?
I guess.
["Careful" by Lucky Daye
plays over speakers]
[no other sounds audible]
[speaking Spanish]
[chuckles] Thanks.
You don't know what I said.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, I do.
What did I say?
You said I move like water.
I didn't mean for you to
understand that.
Well, maybe you should be
a little more careful
what you say.
Remember, I am from Florida.
[chuckles]
[kisses]
If I had known what this night
was going to be like...
I would have gladly paid you
the 60 thousand.
It wouldn't have
mattered anyway,
I'm not gonna take your money.
I'm not even gonna take
the six grand. [kisses]
Who are you?
[slight chuckle]
Um, I don't know.
What do you mean?
Come with me to London.
What's in London?
My life.
Your life's in London?
I thought this was your house.
This is a house,
but it's not the house.
Max, I can't just
go to London.
I got, like,
stuff here. I got--
Like there's a whole mess.
I got a job.
I can't just go to London.
I'm gonna get you
a much better job in London.
You're gonna get--
No, well, I have a job
for you in mind.
It's creative.
And all you have to do
is come with me for a month
and I will give you
your 60 thousand.
Max, I can't just up and leave
my entire life here for you--
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
Listen. Listen.
Not for a mon-- I can't.
Not for a whole month.
You should come with me
and then if it's out of your
comfort zone then you just--
-I get to fucking slap you?
-You can fucking slap me.
Let's go.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
[chuckles] I don't really
fuck with vegetables.
How do you
have that body then?
I don't know. Genetics.
Mom and Pops.
How'd you get so rich?
-Genetics, I guess.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah?
No, Roger's family
is in media.
Oh, that's cool.
Is that like TV and shit?
It's more like
everything and shit.
Right.
So, um, I don't know.
What happened, with that?
Marriage happened.
[Mike] Mmm.
Are you married?
Am I married? Um, would it
be a problem if I was?
No. This is
100 percent business.
Right. You keep talking
about this "job."
But you always leave out
what the actual job is.
It's what you were meant
to be doing all along.
Okay. I've made it
really clear though,
I'm not--
I don't dance anymore.
Then I can claim that I got
Magic Mike's Last Dance.
[chuckles]
So what else could you
possibly be paying me for?
We are not having sex.
Completely
out of the question.
Why?
You know, Mike,
I actually think you have...
other talents. And this is
what I'm invested in.
Okay. But just, you know,
hear me out.
You've purchased me for
a month, um, let's just say...
you say, "Jump."
I say, "Which bed?"
Look, last night was...
kind of magical.
It was amazing.
So, let's not fuck that up.
Okay?
Okay.
Uh, and no.
I'm not, by the way.
What?
Married.
Okay. Are you
in a relationship?
Mm-mm. No.
Me and relationships
don't have a tendency
to, uh, work out.
Yeah, I can understand that.
-To freedom.
-To freedom.
[upbeat
instrumental music plays]
[no other sounds audible]
Now, sir, the brown hamper
is for dry cleaning
and the beige hamper
is for regular laundry.
Uh, I'm probably
not gonna have
any dry cleaning and I,
by the way
I can do my own clothes, man.
Just show me
where the machines are.
Ms. Mendoza would
never allow that, sir.
Aw, man, you can call me Mike.
It's all good.
As you wish, sir. The loo
is through this door here.
Uh, the toilet, sir.
[slight chuckle] Right.
Do you have any idea
what the fuck I'm doing here?
Uh, regrettably... no, sir.
Yeah, but you wouldn't tell me
even if you did know,
would you?
I would be lying
if I said I wasn't lying, sir.
[chuckles] Right.
It's Mike, man.
Just call me Mike.
Well, "Mike," Ms. Mendoza
does love a good surprise.
I'll collect you at half past.
Collect me at half past
for the surprise. Cool.
[cell phone rings]
[sighs] Shit.
[Max] I never like
to give credit to Victor
because he becomes
unbearable...
but I wouldn't own the place
that we're going to
if he hadn't convinced me
to fight for it
in the settlement.
Her only other option
was a sand and gravel pit
in High Wycombe.
And the only value I saw in it
was that my mother-in-law...
didn't want to give it away.
But now,
I have found its purpose.
What's my purpose there?
If we're going there.
Well...
just pretend
that today is Christmas
and you're about to open
your presents.
[chuckles] Okay.
As a matter of fact, Victor,
I think we should stop
at Liberty's first.
Don't you think?
I would let Harj know,
so that he can
mentally prepare.
Good idea.
What's a Harj?
[Max chuckles]
Hello, Harj.
Good afternoon,
Madame Rattigan!
Don't you "madame" me
and it's Mendoza now.
[speaking French]
[in English] So where's
"the big tear-down"?
[laughs] What--
This does not cost that.
What is this in dollars?
Do you like--
What, do you drop a zero or...
So cute.
[Harj sighs]
[inaudible dialogue]
Do you know what Victor does?
[Mike] So you own this place?
[Max] I do now.
When this very same play
opened in 2004,
the owner of the theater
fell madly in love with this
horribly insecure actress.
And so...
here's where my love story
with Roger began
and here is where
it's going to end.
He must have loved
your performance.
I had three lines.
[Mike chuckles]
Well, you certainly
look the part.
So relax, have fun
and I promise there won't be
any more surprises,
but you're gonna like
this one.
You swear?
[footsteps approaching]
Deal.
Miss Mendoza!
Right on time as usual.
Stop it, Woody.
I'm half an hour late.
As usual. Is this, uh--
Yeah, Mike, meet Woody,
the best stage manager
in all of London.
Easy. I'm just here to serve
your vision, gov.
My vision?
Mm-hmm. Your vision. Let's go.
Oh, fuck.
[director and actors
talking indistinctly]
Voil.
Wow.
Right on time.
[Matthew] Listen, I-- Hugh,
are we actually going again
because I'm not sure.
But if you go back
to the start of the scene
please just go
to the top of the scene
and imbue it
with a little more--
[Mike] So what's this
shit about?
It's the same old
will-she-marry-for-love
or-money bullshit.
Hmm.
So, what does she pick?
Love or money?
Who cares?
The real question is:
why does she feel like
she has to choose?
[Matthew] I think
I've run out of words.
Hell yeah.
Well, this is your joint,
right?
Why don't you just
give them that note?
[Isabel Ascendant actor]
Show me,
have you got the script or--
[Matthew] Jessica,
do you have a script?
[Isabel Ascendant director]
Oh, this is a jolly good
waste of time, isn't it?
Bravo! [clapping]
Bravo, everybody.
Absolutely flawless,
thank you.
Excuse me?
Who the fuck is talking?
Oh. Maxandra.
My sincere apologies.
I couldn't see you
in the light.
Nice to see you again, uh...
-Matthew.
-Right.
-The director.
-Of course.
To what
do we owe the pleasure?
I'm here to make
an announcement.
Oh! Oh. Tell me.
Well, if I only told you
it wouldn't be
an announcement, would it?
I suppose not.
Um, attention, everyone!
Gang,
this is Maxandra Rattigan.
The wife of our owner and--
Actually,
it's Maxandra Mendoza
and I'm the legal owner
of this theater.
I am here
to give you all notice
Isabel Ascendant is closed...
effective immediately.
On what fucking grounds?
We are at capacity
every night!
Relax. It's only a four-week
course correction.
An evolution. A revelation!
[slight chuckle]
And no one is fired.
[sighs] Christ.
Except for, um...
-Matthew.
-Matthew. Yes.
Matthew will be replaced
by a brilliant
new choreographer
that I recently
discovered in Miami.
His artistry
made me feel, uh...
[slight chuckle] There are
no words. It's just...
ecstasy.
And in exactly one month,
I want every woman that
walks into this theater
to feel the same kind
of ecstasy that I did.
To transcend. To break free.
So, without further ado...
I give you
the visionary artist...
that inspired me
so profoundly
and that will take us
to the promised land.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Michael Jeffrey Lane.
[applause]
'Sup?
[Max] The look on Roger's face
when he sees this!
It's worth every pound,
every shilling.
No. Yeah.
You could've given me
just a little
heads-up before
you threw me
to the wolves in there!
You would've been
in your head,
over-thinking everything.
It was better
than not thinking
anything at all. Like--
And what are you
so excited about?
Like every single person
in there quit!
We don't need actors,
we need dancers.
Plus, by not firing them,
we saved thousands
on labor-union fees.
-[Mike laughs]
-More money for you.
Yeah, but-- Okay. I--
Look, no offense...
but there's got to be
easier ways
to get back
at your husband for...
I don't know, whatever,
than putting on a strip show.
Oh, I'm not a scorned woman,
and this is not a strip show.
We are bringing
the tsunami to London!
[chuckles] Okay.
All right. This--
And I'm down for that.
I just think that
you haven't--
Can't you see?
People are numb,
disconnected, desensitized.
We're going to wake them up
with a wave of passion
they've never felt before.
Okay, I just--
There's one little thing
that I think you're forgetting
is that I don't know shit
about directing theater.
-And that's why you have me!
-What?
It will be a historical,
one-night collaboration
between the stage, and the...
-The thongs?
-Eh, I don't know.
-Exactly. That's what--
-Who the hell are you?
I don't know. Who are you?
Zadie,
what are you doing here?
Um, this is my daughter,
Zadie.
Oh, shit. Hi.
Nice to meet you!
-We had a meeting, Maxandra.
-Yeah.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I completely
lost track of time.
Completely. I'm so sorry.
I can see that.
I'm more interested
in why you lost track of time.
Well, um, I've been
handling some business
with the new director
of Isabel Ascendant.
-[Mike] Mm-hmm.
-Michael Jeffrey Lane.
Ah, yeah. That's not my name.
But-- It's just--
But it's got gravitas.
Yeah, it's just--
It's Mike Lane.
But you do need a stage name.
-Are you two hooking up?
-Zadie!
Well, I-- What's funny
about that is, uh...
your mom actually
is paying me to not hook up.
We are not hooking up.
But he will be
staying at the house
just until he gets settled.
Okay?
How convenient.
Tell me, Mike, what do you
plan to do with Act Three?
Yeah, we're gonna have one.
I was pl-- I was, uh, planning
on doing Act Three like a--
Everybody knows
Isabel Ascendant
has a wildly outdated,
painfully misogynistic climax.
[Mike] Mm-hmm.
Exactly.
And that's why our take
is going to be so exciting
because they will be
expecting that
and instead,
they're gonna see
that a woman can have
whatever she wants,
-whenever she wants it.
-Mm-hmm.
Since when do you
believe that?
Since Mike and I have
been exploring this theme.
Yeah, your m-- Yeah, we've
been exploring those themes.
You're in another one
of your phases, aren't you?
Baby, don't you have some
schoolwork to do?
Uh, what's the phases thing?
Every few years
she starts a big new project.
Sometimes it's a charity,
a documentary,
-a new best friend.
-Right.
Each time it's like
she's a new person.
So what?
Sue me for exploring myself
and my contributions
to the world!
But your contributions
never see the light of day.
There's always some obstacle.
We call her
The Queen of the First Act.
Our therapist,
whom she stood up to be here,
says she tries on these new
personas as a way from running
from the guilt about--
I already said how sorry I am
about missing
that appointment
and I am going
to reschedule it.
[speaking French]
[speaking French]
[speaking French]
[speaking French]
Uh, you know,
pardon my French,
but, uh, y'all are being
rude as fuck. [chuckles]
Sorry.
[speaking French]
-Pleasure, Zadie.
-Zadie, wait, don't go.
You want some cake? Baby.
What's going on?
[Roger] No, I didn't know
until you sent it.
Well, technically,
she does have the right.
I have no idea.
Maybe Zadie will tell me.
Change the agreement how?
Mother-- Mother, I think
you should pursue this
on your own.
I can't get dragged
into a fight.
Not about this,
not right now.
[Mike] Yo!
[Tito] Holy shit! Naysayers,
we have proof of life!
All right.
What's up, man?
I know, look, I know. I-I--
And I'm sorry, okay, I know
I've been ducking you all.
Uh, I apologize. I just--
It's a long story,
but I'm in London
and I just want you guys
to know
I'm gonna be able
to pay you back,
I just need a few weeks. Okay?
Oh, come on, man!
How many times
do we have to tell you
you don't need to pay us back!
It was an investment.
I know. I know. But I'm--
As many times
as you guys say that,
I'm not just gonna burn
my friends' money
and not care. All right?
I don't--
No. Money is water, Mike.
It flows in both directions.
That's a good point,
but still.
You-- Yeah, hold up.
You buried the lede here.
Why are you in London?
I don't know, short story
is that... [chuckles]
I was bartending at, uh,
this charity event
and then
at the end of the night
I ended up giving
this rich lady a lap dance
and now I'm living
in her house in London
and gonna put on a show
at this famous theater
that she owns. So, yeah.
Cool. Hey, sex work
is nothing to be
embarrassed about, Mikey.
Especially when
it's the live-in kind.
Hey, look, thanks, Tarzan.
Look, I basically
am just saying
though I'm gonna
have your money...
I don't exactly know, uh,
what I said yes to
so I hope it works out.
Mikey, Mikey,
this is great news.
I was looking
at your chart last night...
you know you're in a once-
in-33-year Jupiter cycle,
right?
I-- No, I didn't, but that
explains a lot I guess. Yeah.
Yeah, it does, so whatever
existential confusion
you're feeling right now,
it's an initiation.
It's wiping the slate clean
for you to self-actualize.
Uh, I'm just trying
to survive to be honest.
Surviving?
Bro, you are a gig worker.
Magic Mike's coming back
to the main stage.
I-- But that's the thing
I'm not even dancing though.
I'm putting on the show.
I guess I'm directing
or whatever.
I mean, it's--
I'm only here for a month,
it's for one show only,
to basically get back
at her ex or something.
I don't know. It's totally
bonkers over here.
Who gives a shit, man?
She's rich.
Trust me. Do not leave
that situation. Okay?
Look at me,
I'm basically a freaking
glorified dog walker. Okay?
You just need to make sure
she doesn't wake up,
and all of a sudden
want you out of the house,
which I have tips on
by the way if you want them.
Okay. I-I--
We don't have dogs here
so maybe that's a good idea.
I feel it. I feel it
in my solar plexus, brother.
This is your dharma.
-Just stay in the flow.
-Victor?
What are you doing there?
Oh, you know, waiting
for passing fucking trade.
He's on a private call.
Since when has that
stopped you?
Oh, boys, I miss you.
[Mike chuckles]
-Are you decent?
-Yep.
Is that her?
Are we interrupting something?
No, I was just, uh,
looking for some ideas.
Oh, I've been
"scouting" myself.
And come take a look at
what I found.
[Mike chuckles]
["The Journey" by Jack Rayner
plays on computer]
Look at that.
Isn't he magnificent?
[Mike] Hmm.
He has such an innate
elegance and intelligence
to the way he moves.
And then at the same time
there's this savage thing,
you know...
like a primal animal.
[sighs] Just incredible.
I think this is what we need
for the show.
Trained dancers,
not strippers.
Yeah, but, I mean,
as the director,
I-I-I promise you...
I know exactly what
we're looking for. Yeah.
I love the way
you just did that.
[chuckles] What?
"As the director."
You're really owning
that place. You know?
[slight chuckle]
It comes to you so naturally.
Mm-hmm.
I can tell that you already
have a vision.
And I'm sure that you agree
that this would be fantastic.
-[Mike] Yeah, he's great.
-For the show, I mean.
[Mike] Yeah. Yeah, really.
I mean, he's--
[Max] Antonio is what we need.
Uh, he's great. Like I said,
he's just--
But he's also in Italy.
-Roma.
-Roma, see, I can't--
I don't have time
to go find him in Roma
and then bring him
all the way back here.
Oh, no. That would be
out of the question.
But that's why you have
a genius producer!
He's arriving on Thursday.
If you approve.
Creatively, I mean.
Yeah, look, if you want him,
um, sure. I-I-I approve.
Creatively, of course.
I'm so excited!
Are you excited?
Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I am.
You don't sound excited.
I'm very, very, very excited.
I promise.
Oh, man, me,
I don't even think
I am gonna be able to sleep.
No?
Good night.
Sweet dreams.
Okay.
Wait, wait,
where are you going? Hey.
To bed?
We got like 10
other dancers to find.
And that's why we have Renata.
Good night.
[sighs]
[Renata] Per your instructions
I've assembled
the top-tier of talent
across multiple
movement disciplines.
And they're all
very eager to please...
and quite athletic,
as you requested.
Excellent work
as usual, Renata.
["Spoiler" by Baloji plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[Zadie] She couldn't explain
the full extent
of her feelings...
but Max knew
that she had crossed
some kind of strange Rubicon.
She was desperate to know
more about
why she felt this way,
so she purchased a litany of
books on the history of dance.
For Mike, The Rattigan
had no symbolic weight,
it was simply
where he had to work.
And he reminded himself,
in order to finish something,
you have to make a start.
For Maxandra, The Rattigan
had been transformed.
It went from existing
only in the past
to being a source of renewal.
-[Max] Hello, hello, hello.
-Hey! Hey!
Are you ready to transform
theater forever?
[yells of agreement]
-Whoo!
-Yeah.
[Mike] All right.
Calm down, calm down.
We ain't done shit yet.
All right, you guys have
all the talent in the world.
Ain't no questioning that.
Each and every
single person here
was hand selected
because they bring
something unique to the table
that we ain't
never seen before.
All right?
But I have a question for you.
Who here, by show of hands
has stood in front
of a thousand women
and had to get butt-ass naked?
Exactly.
You want to find out how fast
a group of sweet,
nurturing moms can make you
just go running, cowering
into a dark corner,
wishing you were never born?
I promise you it can happen.
I've seen it.
And it can happen
[snaps fingers]
just like that.
Now I can't believe I'm about
to say these words out loud,
but we got one month.
[Max] Oh, yeah.
We got one month to turn y'all
into the greatest
group of strippers
that has ever been assembled
on planet Earth.
And to do that,
you boys got to be ready
to get your hands dirty
your noses wet, and them
nuts chafed as shit.
[all chuckle]
And look, if,
if we do our jobs right...
you're gonna have a whole
other problem on your hands.
You're gonna have to learn
to protect yourself
in a zombie apocalypse
of repressed desire.
Any questions?
[Hannah] I have a question.
Can you, you know,
fuck a zombie to death?
Or is it still a kill shot
to the head?
[Mike chuckles]
Excuse me,
what are you doing here?
I mean, you didn't
technically fire me,
so I'm still drawing out
that salary.
Oh, I'm sorry. I should
have been more clear.
You're still getting paid,
but we no longer
need your services.
I shouldn't have gotten
my hopes up. [slight chuckle]
I was just really inspired
by our new director's vision.
What-- Um, what did I say?
He didn't say anything.
It's not what you said.
It's who you are.
Do you have any idea
of how long
I've been dreaming
of someone to walk through
that door with a flame thrower
and burn this whole
fucking shit to the ground?
I can't stand
playing Lady Isabel.
For the last six months,
I've wanted to choke the life
out of that entitled prude.
I mean, get a grip, woman.
Jesus Christ.
Like you're rich,
send a fucking
carriage to town,
buy up
every able-bodied man...
soldier, sailor
instead of wasting your time
worrying about
which boring old sod
you're going
to sign your life away to
and have a lovely
half-decent shag
with every last one! I--
But it's a really good job,
it's so stable, and, um...
so usually
I don't say all of that.
Well, that was poetic.
You're definitely
our audience.
Woody, make sure
she gets an invitation.
Hey, we're still calling this
Isabel Ascendant , right?
Yeah, but that's just a trick
to get the audience
into the theater
so then we can give them
something else.
Right, but if, what if we use
the actual old opening
to Isabel Ascendant?
I mean, it could be a really
big surprise actually.
And if I'm honest...
if you want to make a show
about women
getting what they want,
wouldn't it be
a little fucking chauvinistic
to not have
a female lead in it?
Are you calling me
chauvinistic?
No.
Because
I'm the feminist here.
-Right.
-I'm the flame-thrower.
This whole thing was my idea.
You heard her.
She's the flame-thrower.
Uh, you're hired as Isabel
because you were
already hired.
[squeals] Oh.
Go-- I am thrilled!
Thank you both so much.
Will you be dancing in it?
Uh, no. Just, uh, directing.
Right?
Aw, shame.
Well now that we have
a leading lady again
maybe the director
should walk us
through the beats
of the first act.
[clears throat] Yep.
Uh, first act, coming up.
Enter Jackson,
the low-class but sexy friend
of the husband. Line?
Harold said you didn't want
to go to Calais this year.
Is that still settled?
-I'm sick to death of Calais.
-Theo?
I won't hear of it.
You're going and that's that.
Perfect. Hit it.
["Ferrari" by Jack Rayner
plays over speakers]
[Hannah giggles]
Oh, come on. No. No. No, no.
Come on, Mike. Stop! Stop!
Stop! Stop!
Hey. All right,
stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop. What's up?
They can't just start dancing
on her out of nowhere.
I mean, I'm down as fuck.
Okay. Uh,
isn't that the point?
No, no, no.
You cannot interrupt the plot.
If you want
a strong female lead
she has to have an objective.
At least we should know
what she wants.
Okay. [sighs] What do you
think she wants then?
I don't know. I know she
doesn't want this life.
So she wants to run away?
She can't do that.
Why?
She's a free person, right?
She has a family.
There would be consequences.
Right.
So it's about the money.
Oh, that's the least of it.
She would lose her friends,
opportunities.
Her identity. Her whole world
would be torn apart.
I don't know. It sounds to me
that she just needs to let go.
-And some good dick!
-Maybe that as well.
This show is not about
getting dick. Only.
She needs to solve
her dilemma.
It's not like some
magic unicorn is gonna
come down and make all her
wildest fantasies come true.
Uh, what was that?
Could be not the worst idea.
Oh, no way.
Hear me out.
Just-- What about--
Where the fuck am I
gonna get a horse?
What about a caballito?
Like a tiny one.
I don't have caballito budget.
Wait. What-- How-- Okay,
what if you don't see it?
What if you don't
see the horse?
No, that's not right.
No.
[Victor clears his throat]
[sighs] How long have you
been standing there?
-Long enough. May I?
-Yes.
So you've worked with Max
and this Roger dude
a long time?
All 18 wonderful years.
Wow. So you must know
these friends
that we're going
to see tonight.
What are they like?
Hmm. They like things
to stay the same, sir.
All right.
How do I look? And don't
give me any bullshit answer.
You know something...
they'd just laugh at you
in a tie.
[footsteps approaching]
Holy shit.
-What?
-You! That suit.
You look incredibly expensive.
You have no idea.
[Zadie] One of the most
primal feelings
human beings experience
is the desire to belong
to feel connected
to other beings,
and to be part of a tribe.
In fact,
brain scans have shown
that social rejection
creates virtually
identical brain activity
as physical assault.
Mike didn't know that...
but he knew dancing could
bring people together.
Even if some of those
people are snobs.
And he knew
that Victor was right,
they would have laughed
at him in a tie.
[Bill] And he says, "Now
that's how you wave a towel!"
[group laughs]
[jazz music plays on speakers]
[Alice] Anyways, so, give us
the latest gossip, Max.
-Yeah, go on.
-And don't hold back a lick.
You know
I don't hold back my licks.
-[group laughs]
-True.
But there's nothing for me
to tell you.
You already know everything...
since you double agents
are all talking to Roger.
-Oh, come on.
-That's not true.
-That's not true.
-I'm offended.
Last I heard,
he had at least broken it off
with the girl. So...
And so, she should just run
back to him then, should she?
No, that's not
what I'm implying.
I'm just-- You know,
it's something, isn't it?
-It takes time, Bill.
-Of course.
Or have you forgotten?
Ooh, hello.
[slight chuckle]
Thank you for your concern,
but you must know that...
I'm the happiest
I've ever been in my life.
Oh, that's really good
to hear.
[Phoebe] Oh, rubbish.
[Robert laughs] Phoebe!
He can do whatever he wants,
and so can I.
-Yeah.
-How modern.
But what does that actually
mean for the divorce?
The divorce. The divorce.
Don't you have something else
to talk about?
I mean, besides, uh,
Bill jokes. Let's have fun.
Mike, why don't you
tell them--
-I was just telling--
-Wait, no, listen to this.
You have to hear his vision
for Isabel Ascendant.
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yes.
Uh, yeah. Well, I mean,
as we were talking about
we think it's, uh...
it's very important to honor,
uh, the original
source material.
Yeah,
but to do that properly--
And say no more.
It has to be a surprise.
-Right.
-Okay.
[Phoebe] It's so smart
to revive a classic.
[Robert] Absolutely.
That is very hot right now.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I don't know
if I would exactly call it
a classic revival...
uh, Phoebe, but I--
You know, the way that I think
we were looking at it is
that it really needed to be
stripped down,
oiled, and spanked.
[Max chuckles, speaks Spanish]
No. No.
[in English]
He loves metaphors.
So Mike, is there a vibrant
theatrical community in Miami?
Yeah, for the right amount
of dollars
I think you can have
as vibrant
of a time as you would like.
[group laughs]
I imagine you've done a lot
of work with Art Basel.
No, no. I don't-- Who's that?
I don't know him.
[Max and group laugh]
-Come on, guys.
-[Bill] Oh, my God.
Of course, I know Art Basel.
It's the most famous art fair.
It happens in my city
every single year.
-Wow. Your face just now...
-[group laughs]
Well, I mean, if the show's
anything like him,
count me in.
You better talk to him
while you can because
he's about to get super famous
and super unavailable.
Wow.
Well, that's quite
a build-up. [chuckles]
That's a deal.
I don't know about all that,
but yes.
[Bill laughs]
She is looking unusually
radiant tonight.
[group makes agreement noises]
Yeah, I guess, um...
I don't know.
It must be good for the soul,
the whole divorce.
-[chuckles] Divorce.
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm-- What?
Do you guys
have a different word
for the ending
of a marriage here?
Uh, yeah. When it's untrue.
Yeah. [chuckles]
I mean, yes, they have an
agreement at the moment.
Yeah.
But, I mean,
that family pre-nup
is going to take a decade
to litigate.
[Robert] Exactly.
Plus she knows
that at the end of it
she'll get absolutely nothing.
-Which she'll hate.
-Yeah.
What she needs is to be
able to stay with him,
but not actually be with him.
That would be
the golden ticket.
I wish you had gotten up,
and really taken
your clothes off.
Okay, let's go back there.
I'll take my clothes off
right now.
I would have loved
to see their faces.
-Yeah.
-They are so fake.
They are the fakest people
I know.
I think the only person that
is real in my life is Zadie.
She's about as real
as it gets at times.
Yes. She'll tell you
what she thinks.
What about you, Mike?
Are you real?
What do you mean, am I real?
Am I-- Do you think I'm real?
I don't know.
You know, sometimes
you kind of feel like a dream.
Hmm.
I mean, you look like a dream.
Mm-hmm.
You smell like a dream.
Mm-hmm.
You taste like a dream.
Wait. I just want
to make sure. Listen.
No, it's okay.
No. I get it. I get it.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
-That was really stupid.
-No, I just--
No, I just want to tell you--
No, no. I'm sorry. I didn't--
You know what? I'm sorry,
I'm just so drunk.
-[slight chuckle]
-I shouldn't have stopped--
What? You had, like,
one glass of wine.
No, look, that was my fault.
That was my--
Are you saying I'm crazy?
No, I'm definitely not
saying you're crazy.
Are you telling me I'm crazy?
I'm saying I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to stop you.
Well, this was
uncalled for so...
obviously if I'm not drunk,
I'm crazy.
I didn't mean to stop you.
Come here.
Stop. Hey-- Max, stop.
I'm sorry.
And I'm not crazy.
I am very drunk actually.
Stop. Stop. Listen to my--
No, you stop.
I don't want to listen to you.
Right now, anything that you
say to me is gonna be wrong.
I already said I'm sorry.
Okay? I get it. I get it.
You don't have to like,
rub it in.
All right.
No pity talking or anything.
I get it.
Can you put some music on,
Victor?
["Steal Away" by Robbie
Dupree plays on radio]
[sighs]
Why don't we steal away
Into the night
I know it ain't right
[speaking with British accent]
Oh, hello. Good morning.
Good morning.
What are you doing up
so early?
I'm writing a novel.
-A novel?
-Mm-hmm.
They make you write novels
in school over here?
Do you assume that
because of my age
I only have
the mental capacity
to write a novel for school?
No, I just don't know anyone
that's ever written a novel.
What is it about?
It's about some people who
know each other and do things.
It's about every time I draw
another gentrified breath
into my helpless body.
And it's about 40 pages.
That's a good amount of pages.
It is.
How many are you gonna go for?
A few more.
-What's up, Vic?
-Yeah, right.
[whispers] What? What?
Why is he like that?
If he acts like he likes you,
he hates you.
And if he acts like
he hates you...
it's a sign of respect because
he actually does hate you.
Yeah, that's not helpful.
Why doesn't he just quit?
Same reason you don't quit.
Systemic economic inequality.
Speaking of, have you seen
Maxandra this morning?
No. And why do you
call her that?
You know she hates it.
She brought me
from an orphanage,
saying "mother"
would feel like a lie.
Come on.
That's a little strong.
Look, she's doing
the best she can.
And she loves
the shit out of you.
I think the real question is
why do you love
the shit out of her?
Love is a really,
really big word, Zadie.
And, look, the truth is
no one's believed in me
like your mom has, so I--
-Zadie?
-Hi, Roger.
Hello, dear.
[mouths] That's your--
-Is your mother around?
-Maxandra is upstairs.
And who's this?
This is Mike.
Mike is the new director
for Isabel Ascendant.
-Ah, right.
-What's up?
Roger Rattigan.
Michael Jeffrey Lane.
I hope Max didn't schedule
to meet both of us
at the same time.
-He's staying here.
-Ah.
-Mm-hmm.
-Well, no conflict then.
No.
I hope the theater itself
has treated you well thus far.
Oh, she's been a pleasure
to be inside of.
[Roger] It's got such
a wonderful feel.
I'm looking forward to seeing
how you improve
such a classic.
I can't wait for you
to experience it.
It's a little rough,
so be nice.
Okay.
-Woods.
-Sound. Go.
["Mercy" by Jacob Banks
plays over speakers]
Followed your name
Into the wild
Yeah, yeah
Showed you my shame
I ran a mile
I sing your lullaby
Your melodies
Like a symphony
[dancers cheer approval]
We burn the same
Inside a fire
I just need a little mercy
-Mercy on me
-[dancers cheer]
I just need a little mercy
Mercy on me
I drank your holy water
Your liberty
Your make-believe
I just need a little mercy
Mercy on me
I just need a little mercy
Mercy
[dancers cheer]
I just need a little mercy
Mercy
Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bellissimo.
Now that is class.
Yeah. No, that was great.
Um, yeah,
I got to figure out, uh...
where it goes in the show.
Uh, but, yeah,
it was-- It was great.
All right, Harry, let's go.
["Permission" by Ro James
plays over speakers]
Give it to her.
Oh
Take your time, boy.
Show her.
With your permission
I just wanna spend
a little time with you
Yep.
That's it.
Hey, give her the business.
Tonight I wanna be
a little me on you
Uh, uh.
Uh-oh. [laughs]
With your permission
I wanna spend the night
sippin' on you
That's it. That's it.
All right, sick.
Look, I mean, you can't
dance any better than that.
That's perfect.
I mean, the only--
If I had a little note
it would just be
this specific dance
is a little more like fucking
than dancing.
And you know, look, the song
is called "Permission,"
so once you get permission
you got to keep it,
and you got to--
The only way to do that is to
keep a connection with her.
Here, watch. Look, see if you
can see the difference.
["Permission" by Ro James
plays over speakers]
Like, literally you don't even
have to dance at all.
-Hi.
-Hey.
-Can I touch you?
-Of course.
-Yeah? You sure?
-Yeah.
With your permission
I just wanna spend
a little time with you
[dancers cheer encouragement]
With your permission
Tonight I wanna be
a little me on you
Aw, yeah
With your permission
I wanna spend the night
sippin' on you
You know what I'm talking
about baby, yeah
Woody! Woody, Woody,
Woody, Woody.
I don't understand.
You have this beautiful
legendary stage...
but you're hovering
around the chair.
I mean, you can do the same...
[grunts]
over here, or your...
[grunts]
-over there.
-Mm-hmm.
No woman
wants to be suffocated
by testculos.
That's fair.
It's nice to expand, you know?
Okay.
Less testiculars
and expansion.
[sighs]
[electronic
instrumental music plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[Zadie] Some scholars
suggest that dance
once was a form
of communication
as integral to our daily life
as eating or sleeping.
Traditionally,
tribal courtship dances
allowed dancers
of opposite sexes
to engage
in socially acceptable
physical contact
before they were even
allowed to speak
to one another.
Only when
a leisure class began
to emerge out of early
economic development
did humans begin to view dance
as a source of pleasure apart
from its original purpose,
to bridge people together
from different worlds...
to heal wounds
when words would not suffice.
All right, you all ready?
Play back.
["All About You" by Jack
Rayner plays over speakers]
All right. Stop!
Stop the music! Stop!
Hey! Excuse me,
who the hell are you?
City of Westminster.
Historical Architecture
High Committee.
Well, I'm the owner of this
theater. Is there a problem?
Oh, I would think so.
Anything else?
You'll be hearing from us.
[whispers] We're fucked.
[Zadie] "The owner must obtain
written approval
to make material changes
to property.
If changes be made without
approval or special exemption,
the owner must restore
the theater
to its original condition
and then file
for approval with the city."
This is Roger
trying to control me.
Even though we are separated
and in the middle of a divorce
because he fucked
the assistant.
I'm sorry, baby,
but it's not like
it's a secret.
What if we just do it anyway?
I mean, what are they
really gonna do?
"Failure to comply will result
in a fine of 10,000 pounds
per day...
and/or seizure of the property
by the City."
Even if I pay the fine,
he'll find a way to exert
pressure on these people
and force them
to bend the rules.
That's just the way
he operates.
-Isn't it, Victor?
-Well, in my opinion--
We have to go
all the way to the top
because our freedom
is an illusion.
Yes, see when you start
with no rights at all--
So who is this person
we need to seduce
and get them on our side?
I.e., the definition
of corruption.
Zadie, baby...
you should know that the law
is useless
when you're dealing
with entrenched
male power structures.
-Not all male.
-What do you mean?
Edna Eaglebauer.
As the chairwoman,
she has the power
to grant a special exemption.
Hey, Z, what else
do we know about Edna?
[typing]
[Zadie] Um, not much about her
on Google.
Housing records indicate
she's most likely single
and lives alone.
[Mike] That's promising.
[Zadie] Um, she's got
no presence on social media.
Asides her bio
on the council website.
[Max] Check if she has
a pet or a hobby.
[Zadie] Not that I can tell.
She's a ghost.
[electronic
instrumental music plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[Jackson] I'll tell you what...
this bird's got to have
a heart of stone
to shut down Swan Lake.
Maybe, but everybody
wants something.
We just got to keep looking.
What if she didn't even know
what she wants?
Well, that never stopped men
from coming up
with the wrong answer.
Come on, guys,
give me something.
Victor, don't just sit there.
I'll murder her
for the right price.
That might be the best idea.
But, look, this feels like
a woman's perspective
sort of a thing.
Like what did you want
before Miami?
I just wanted
to escape my life.
But then...
someone came along and
gave me this unexpected
magical moment that made
me remember who I really was.
It was like a little treasure.
Okay, so we need to figure out
who Edna was before
she became a bureaucrat
and tap into that then.
That's it!
[orchestral music playing;
no other sounds audible]
[tiny bell rings]
[deep breath]
[Max] I don't understand why
you don't want "Suavemente."
[Mike] I don't think-- No.
I love "Suavemente."
[Max] It's a great song.
-It's a different beat.
-It is great. I agree.
We just don't need it
right now.
Look, it-- Look,
hear me out. It's Isabel...
Unicorn, "Champagne,"
"Sex Machine..."
-Oh, trust me...
-"Permission," "Suits."
I know it by heart.
And you know what's more
important than "Suavemente"?
We still don't have
a grand finale.
Well, great. We'll make one.
It's a group number.
Most important part
of the whole show.
And then everybody
will dance out into the crowd.
It'll be amazing.
-Oh, that's so random.
-Why is that random?
Everybody dancing
in the crowd.
We've done that already.
It's got to be
something different,
something personal.
They're all good and personal,
and they're there
for a reason. I don't--
Why are you doing this
right now?
Why are you making it, like,
we don't have a good show?
I know. You should be
dancing in it.
You have lost your mind.
What are you talking about?
I'm not dancing in the show.
Why are you saying no
to everything I say?
-I'm not saying no.
-Have you noticed that?
I've said yes on every
single part of the show.
We need something climactic,
different, something personal.
Great, then do
something personal.
Give me something
that I don't know about you.
Why is it about me?
This is about women.
You're a woman. I'm not.
I'm not gonna be dancing
in the show.
Why don't you
make it personal?
Well, do whatever you want.
Do the thing that you and
Antonio have been making.
It's great.
That's personal, ain't it?
[Max] Hey, it's your show.
Give me something
that's yours.
Open up.
-[Mike] I did.
-When?
[Mike] The whole--
This whole time.
And if you haven't seen it,
I don't know
what to tell you about it.
Well, I don't know what
to tell you about it since
I tried to kiss you
and you pulled away.
You don't know how to open up.
That's why you need
the "Suavemente."
Oh! Still waiting for passing
trade, you nosy fuck!
[groans in frustration]
Your turn; he's impossible.
[Mike sighs]
[Victor clears throat]
Yes, Victor?
I did not say anything.
Yeah. Yeah. You're always
saying something in your head.
Just say it out loud, man.
[Victor sighs]
You see,
the problem with Max is
she tends to
overcomplicate things.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Especially when she knows
exactly what she wants.
And she knows exactly
what she wants
when it comes to you.
Why do you work for her?
You could easily
work for Roger.
She's got bigger balls.
[door opens]
Listen, motherfucker.
-I rest my case.
-Yeah.
You better make up your mind
because you're
driving me crazy.
Oh, just-- Yeah,
you're driving me crazy.
What are you doing?
Just stop.
-Okay, just shut up.
-No, you stop.
You shut up.
I just want a happy ending.
[speaking Spanish]
[whispers] You're an insane
person. You know that, right?
[Max] Mm-hmm.
[speaking Spanish]
[singing in Spanish]
[both singing "Suavemente"]
["Suavemente" by Elvis Crespo
plays over speakers]
[Zadie] Given the debate
and confusion
around the word
"love" generally...
what are we to make
of the word "love"
in the context of dancing?
If you love dancing
with someone,
does that mean on some level
that you love them?
What other feelings are
exchanged during a dance?
Can you dance with someone
you don't trust?
Should you trust someone
just because they can dance?
Max and Mike weren't
thinking about this,
but they should have been.
[Edna] Stop the music!
Stop the music!
Stop the music.
-Edna?
-Edna?
I am so sorry, Ms. Mendoza.
I am so deeply sorry
to each and every one of you
beautiful creatures.
Sorry for what?
Height restrictions
for stage risers.
Apparently, your new stage
is three quarters of an inch
too high.
Your exemption
has been denied.
You're to shut down
immediately.
But you had already
approved it!
I got a call from an
MP's office. It's law. [sighs]
There's nothing I can do.
Keep working. I'll take care
of this. I'll be right back.
Okay.
How fucking dare you?
You're not shutting me
down again. Not this time.
Max, I sincerely
want to rebuild our trust.
-[scoffs]
-In the meantime,
I'm just trying
to look out for you.
How is shutting down my show
looking out for me?
I'm not talking
about the show.
Then what are you
talking about?
I'm talking
about your judgment.
I'm talking what I witnessed
in the kitchen
in front of our daughter.
Roger, I wouldn't
get into a dispute
about judgment with me
right now.
You handed my family's theater
over to a fucking stripper.
You don't know anything
about Mike.
I know when you're being used.
Don't you see that?
No.
Darling, I know
we're all getting old,
but I didn't know
you were so desperate.
Fuck you!
We care for each other.
Max, have you even read
our settlement agreement?
The language about denigrating
or harming the family brand?
The moment that show goes up,
mother's barristers
will be clawing back
every last shilling in court
and I won't be able
to stop her.
But if you're still too
deluded to help yourself,
please be mindful of Zadie.
She shouldn't have to pay
the price for your fantasies.
Would you please stop it?
What?
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking,
"What was she thinking?"
You weren't thinking,
were you?
You were falling in love.
Oh, shut the fuck up.
You think I don't know that?
And don't you dare judge me.
You were not there.
That one fucking dance...
changed everything in me.
It feels like it made me
the best version of myself...
but everybody's
laughing at me.
I'm a joke. An embarrassment.
[sighs] Not to him though.
He believes in me.
I have to go tell him
that our show about empowering
women is dead...
because I'm so
fucking powerless.
The most frightening part
is that...
I'm about to find out
if that dance
meant as much to him
as it did to me.
Or if I'm just another
goddamn Tuesday.
No, you're more like
a Thursday, madame.
Have I always
been this adolescent?
No. Only when it's raining.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight.
One.
Mike.
Uh, Jack, keep taking
them through.
What the fuck you mean
"we're done"?
I'm sorry. I did my best,
but I failed.
-Wait. What-- All right.
-Victor will come back
and pick you up,
and he can arrange
a flight for you tomorrow.
No, no, no. What happened?
This isn't you.
What the fuck is going on
with you, Max?
[exhales]
Nothing.
What? Un-fucking-believable.
You really are the Queen of
the First Act, huh? Holy shit.
You don't know
anything about me.
And you don't
understand anything.
It's Friday.
They wouldn't pull the plug
on us until Monday.
But you're walking away.
You have no show.
You couldn't even come up
with an ending.
You cannot say that
what we've created so far
isn't fucking special.
You cannot say that.
I know you can't.
I'm sorry, but we're gonna
have to let it go.
You'll still get paid.
Hey! Hey, look, I don't give
a fuck about the money.
I don't fucking care.
Okay?
We're good at this
and I'm not gonna
fucking just let us
give up on it.
You're so good at this.
I bet you he never cared about
what you were good at. Did he?
Don't let this be the end.
Uh. Uh.
[dancers indistinct chatter]
-Woody!
-Lay it on me, gov.
I need a plumber
and a ballerina.
The princess
is on a hunger strike.
Won't even open the door.
What? She's not even drinking?
I'm afraid not.
Did you try using your
"wise British butler" voice?
Trust me, I went full metal
Downton Abbey on her ass.
And if that bloke doesn't pull
his head from his own ass...
you'll be parented
from behind a closed door
for months. Years, even.
But you didn't tell her
you slipped Mike the keys?
[scoffs] Please.
If the lawyers found out
her careless manservant...
failed to lock
The Rattigan doors,
she'll need
plausible deniability.
If there's anything
I've learned,
it's that you can't tell
people anything.
They have to have
an experience.
[cell phone chimes]
Message from Mike.
"End is not ending.
"Sunday at 7:00 we roll.
The Grand Finale."
Let me see that.
Crikey, it's a haiku.
Seventeen syllables
in a five-seven-five pattern.
Purely coincidence,
but still...
there's hope for him
after all.
Sounds like Sunday's
gonna be an experience.
Doesn't it just?
["It's Over if We Run
Out of Love"
by David Holmes plays]
[no other sounds audible]
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
Follow me.
[knock on door]
[Victor clears his throat]
Put some clothes on, Maxandra.
Why would I do that?
We have to go.
Where?
You know where.
-He didn't.
-He did.
No, he didn't.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No.
No, it's gonna be a disaster.
[Victor] No, it's not.
Oh, it's going to be
a disaster.
No, no, no. I can't. I can't.
Uh, uh, no.
-Yes, you can.
-No, I can't go.
Come on.
No, I won't go
and you can't make me.
Mom.
We have to go.
[inhales sharply]
[Max sobs softly]
Here you go. There.
[cries] Victor.
[Zadie] The rumors
about the show
were a form of entertainment
for some.
But for the two people
who created it,
the terror of
the opening night
could only be managed
by remembering
there would be
no record of it.
Only the people who were
there would ever experience
the story of Max and Mike
as told through dance.
There's small ships,
there's tall ships,
there're ships
that sail the sea...
there's no ships
like friendships,
so here's to you and me.
One, two, three.
Let's go.
[chants] We are strippers!
Whoo!
[exhales] All right, man.
-Let's go.
-Yes.
Break a leg, everyone.
Alex, cue one and sound. Go.
-[shushing]
-[man whistling a tune]
The light is different.
It's November. It's lower.
Harold's worried about lunch.
He said the menu
is diabolical.
[slight chuckle]
The menu is diabolical?
How can a menu be diabolical?
Only a person
can be diabolical.
A menu isn't alive.
Well, either way,
he's worried.
And you're worried about him?
I don't envy him finding out.
-Well, I'll tell him.
-Isabel, no. It's impossible.
-He has to know.
-He can never know.
Harold.
Hello, darling. Walter.
Drinks?
[Walter] Will you still be
going to Calais?
[Harold] No. I've decided
to spend the summer here.
You see, Isabel is pregnant.
[Walter] Oh. Congratulations.
[Harold] Yes.
We are very pleased.
We are hoping
to have a son, of course.
That way the legacy of
Chuffingham will be secure.
And if not,
we will keep trying.
One of the benefits
of having a young wife.
[Walter] I'm sure Isabel
will make a wonderful mother.
[Harold] No doubt.
And of course my mother
will be here to help.
Unicorn! Unicorn! Unicorn!
[whimsical music
plays over the speakers]
[unicorn galloping
over the speakers]
[unicorn neighing
over the speakers]
- [Mike] Hello, Lady Isabel.
-[Max gasps]
[Hannah] Unicorn?
Why, yes, it's me, Unicorn.
Did you call for me?
Yeah, but I didn't expect you
to show up out of the blue.
I haven't spoken
to my imaginary friend
since I was a child.
[Max slightly chuckles]
Am I okay?
[Mike] Hmm, well, that depends
on what your definition
of okay is
but first things first,
why don't you tell us
how you really feel.
[harp music
plays over speakers]
[audience gasps]
Well...
I don't know.
These two guys shouldn't be
my only two options
in the world, should they?
I mean, why do I even need
to feel like I choose?
Like, it's between
the shitty rich guy
and the poor guy
with a heart of gold.
I mean, come on,
all I really want right now
is to tell these boring
bags of dicks
to leave me alone!
[chimes play
over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
[Mike] That's right,
Lady Isabel.
See, I'm here to tell you
that you can have
anything you want.
All you have to do is ask.
[Hannah] What? Okay. Really?
-Really.
-Okay.
Well, I am a modest lady,
so... [sighs]
what if all I wanted
was just a guy
in a tank top and some jeans?
[chimes play
over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
[approval sounds]
[Max chuckles]
Okay, well,
if I can have that then...
what about a bad boy--
hold up, hold up--
who always responds
to my texts.
[chimes play
over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
Ooh. All right.
And now,
if I can have that then...
a sexy CEO who pays his
women more than his men!
[chimes play
over the speakers]
- [audience cheers]
-Ooh, me-ow.
What about a guy with a puppy?
[chimes play
over the speakers]
[audience awes]
[Hannah makes approval noises]
Okay, let me just swallow
my saliva
that's literally dripping out
of my mouth right now.
If I could have all of that,
why stop there?
[chimes play
over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
Wait a minute.
I can't be the only person
in this room
to feel what I'm feeling
right now. Am I?
[audience] No!
I didn't think so.
I can tell by the looks
on your faces.
Now I want every single one
of you to know
how I'm feeling
right this very second.
I managed to have
a little bit of everything.
And now, it's your turn.
So, by the power vested in me
through this Magic Mike...
I command thee, Unicorn,
send everything to us all
right now!
[audience cheers]
["Champagne Life"
by Ne Yo plays over speakers]
["Sail" by AWOLNATION
plays over speakers]
Uh...
["Be Faithful" by Fatman Scoop
ft. Crooklyn Clan plays]
Hey!
Single ladies!
I can't hear ya!
Single ladies! Make noise!
What's your zodiac sign?
What's your zodiac sign?
What's your zodiac sign?
How do you feel about
your new reality, everybody?
Make some bloody noise.
[chuckles]
Give it up. Give it up
for these gorgeous lads
who busted into a sweat
just for all of you.
Come on, make a little noise.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I like to hear.
That's what I love to hear.
A little bit of noise
on this stage
doesn't go amiss, sweethearts.
And let me tell you one thing,
a body at rest...
is a body at rest. Right?
Eh, you know, not bad.
But a body in motion...
[Hannah makes approval noises]
[audience cheers]
There is absolutely
nothing sexier...
than a body in motion.
Am I right?
[audience cheers]
So for our next act,
I want you to give it up...
ladies and gentlemen
for the trickster prince
him bloody self.
Give it up, everybody,
for Mr. JD Rainey.
[audience cheers]
["Get Up, Sex Machine (Remix)"
by James Brown plays]
[speaking Spanish]
[audience cheers]
[whistles]
["Juice" by Pell
and Young Franco plays]
[no other sounds audible]
["Boys Better"
by The Dandy Warhols plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[audience cheers]
-I think we should leave now.
-Where are we going?
Mike said to leave
at the end of "Suits"
and return
at the end of "Pony."
Oh, yes, yes. So you go.
And no peeking.
He'll be watching you.
[Hannah] Now folks,
this next dance
is one that
I'm well-acquainted with.
Things are about
to get intimate.
[audience cheers]
Now, a real man isn't afraid
to act on his desire...
but the sexiest act
of submission...
is asking for permission.
["Permission" by Ro James
plays over speakers]
[audience cheers]
[audience cheers]
[audience cheers]
-Break a leg, gov.
-[Mike kisses]
Aw, bless ya.
I know. I know.
We all want
a little bit of everything
all of the time. Don't we?
But...
sometimes you just want to be
everything to someone. Right?
Sometimes, the greatest
fantasy of them all...
is knowing
that you're the only one.
[sound of thunderstorm
over speakers]
[audience cheers]
[haunting instrumental music
plays over speakers]
[slight gasp]
[audience shouts
approval sounds]
["Open Up" by Gallant
plays over speakers]
[audience cheers]
[audience cheers]
You said to go hard,
and so I did what you said.
I mean, you know.
Oh, God.
We showed up.
["Pony" by Ginuwine
plays over speakers]
That's "Pony."
Mike said after "Pony."
No, he just said "Pony."
He definitely said
after "Pony"
and they're still
on their ponies. Now sit.
[Victor sighs]
[audience cheers]
Yes!
Come on, they're applauding.
It must be over now.
[slight chuckle] Very well.
["Love in This Club" feat.
Young Jeezy plays on speakers]
[Mike laughs]
So amazing. [chuckles]
[Mike laughs]
Wait a minute. Just a second.
Thank you very much, Mr. Mike.
Very nice, my friend.
-You look beautiful.
-Congratulations.
-Huh?
-Congratulations. You did it.
What are you talking about?
We did it.
You did it. It was amazing.
Look around.
All this is because of you.
You are sublime.
Look, I just want you to know
I love you. Okay?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
If you're not gonna leave him,
I don't want this
to be more confusing.
It's done. I'm never, ever,
ever going back to him.
I am free and I am broke.
What do you mean? You're--
What do you mean you're broke?
-Yeah.
-Like broke, broke?
I'm s-- I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay. I don't care.
No, I'm-- I'm just--
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[footsteps approaching]
[Mike chuckles]
I hate you.
Come on, let's go. [laughs]
[Zadie] No one can claim
to fully understand
what exactly dance is...
but what is abundantly clear
is that dance seeks
no meaning for its desires.
It does not value age
or status, logic or reason.
It is a compass orientated
only to liberty,
not unlike the human heart.
I stumbled upon these wisdoms
when I met a lonely stripper
named Mike.
["Don't Be Afraid"
by Diplo and Damian Lazarus
playing]
["All About You"
by Stevie Brock
playing]
["It's Over if We Run
Out of Love"
by David Holmes plays]