Marcello Mio (2024) Movie Script
Marcello Mio
(eerie dramatic music playing)
Kompromat refers to documents
used to destroy
someone's reputation.
was invented by the
Russian secret services.
This film and its characters
are very loosely based
on real events.
with some clouds sure to
come in around 10:00 a.m.
And even though the high gust
warning will, um, expire
mid to late morning,
you'll still want to keep...
The search
for a group of missing hikers
is set to resume this morning
just outside Agua Dulce.
The tour group went out
two days ago
and on the Pacific Crest Trail
but didn't come back
as expected that night.
Crews started searching
yesterday morning...
And traffic is already backed up
due to an accident
on the southbound 101.
It is 7:44 with Bo and Ives.
Bang.
IRKUTSK, SIBERIA
Bang.
5 MONTHS EARLIER
Bang.
May I speak to Julia?
Whoa. Come on.
Thank you.
Down, down.
Down, down, down.
Bang! Yes, a good boy.
Hello, Julia.
It's Mathieu.
Up. Up, up.
Okay, up. Up, up.
Fine, and you?
Got to keep our heads up
out the clouds on this one.
Did you get my message?
Yes, I found your phone.
It's at the house.
I know.
Can you watch Rose this afternoon?
She's not feeling well.
She doesn't want to go to school.
Okay?
Now, we land this...
Yeah. Like Six Guns.
Great.
I mean, we really put on a show,
Okay. That way
you can pick up your phone.
well, you know they're gonna
bring us back for the sequel.
Thanks a lot, Julia.
See you later.
Mm-hmm.
Well, we sure as hell ain't
got to sell no more horses.
So just execute.
And we ain't got
no more problems. Mm.
You good?
The Alliance Franaise
gives French classes,
You good?
Where your sister?
What's that about?
- She's supposed to be here.
- Yeah.
Goddamn it.
Thought I told you
to fix the damn walker.
You hear that?
Pops.
- Come on, come on. Pop.
- Firefly.
- What else? What else?
- Ghost.
Uh-huh.
Beethoven.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Commodore.
- Yeah.
Virgil.
You good. You good.
You good. You good.
You good, man. You good.
- Ghost.
- You good. You good. You good.
- Pops?
- Lucky.
- Pops. Pops.
- Commodore.
Pops!
OJ.
Oh. Hi, horsie.
Hey, hey, hey. Don't
look him in the eyes, please.
Okay.
You ready to do
the safety meeting?
Uh, I'm gonna need like five...
Um, my team's almost here.
Your team's not here.
Okay. Hold.
Sorry, I got the horse guy
talking to me, too.
- What's up? Copy.
- Safety meeting at the...
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ms. Bonnie Clayton on set.
Here she is, everybody.
Take a look at all of that.
Fynn, this is OJ,
our horse trainer.
You remember these guys
from Flash Point.
Yeah. Hi.
Uh...
Your name is OJ?
Yeah, Otis Junior.
Oh.
Uh...
Where's the o... the other guy?
- The-the-the senior guy?
- Dude, he died.
About six months ago.
A bunch of random shit
fell out of a plane.
So I guess we're stuck
with Junior over here.
- No.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Fuck. Great.
Uh, Ant, how we looking?
Yeah, good, if we're selling
a horse's ass.
That's, uh,
legendary cinematographer
Antlers Holst over here...
Let's go ahead
and spin the horse.
But you had said "hold," so...
And now I'm saying "spin."
Let's go. -
Great. And while that's
spinning, can we get makeup?
Get makeup for
Ms. Bonnie Clayton, please.
Hold on.
Can you step away
from the back, please?
They told me to come here.
Good call, OJ.
Um, tell you what,
let's do a quick safety meeting.
Guys, this is OJ,
our horse trainer.
Take it away.
Kill the music, please.
My name is OJ. Uh...
I think my sister's
gonna be here in a minute.
Little louder, please.
We cannot hear you in the back.
I said we are animal wranglers
with Haywood Hollywood Horses.
And, uh... did you know
the very first, uh, assem...
Hey, yo!
Excuse me. Sorry.
I'm so sorry about that.
Let me do that.
Sorry, brother.
- Safety meeting.
- Yeah.
Hello! How y'all doing?
Sorry for the tardiness.
My name is Emerald, that's OJ,
and we are
your animal wranglers today
with Haywood Hollywood Horses.
Now, did you know
that the very first
assembly of photographs
in sequential order
to create a motion picture
was a two-second clip
of a Black man on a horse?
Yes, it was. Yes, it was.
Look it up.
Now, I know you guys know
Eadweard Muybridge,
the grandfather
of motion pictures
who took the pictures
that created that clip,
but does anybody know the name
of the Black jockey
that rode the horse?
No.
Nope? I mean,
the very first stuntman,
animal wrangler and movie star
all rolled into one,
and there is literally
no record of him.
That man was a Bahamian jockey
that went by the name
of Alistair E. Haywood.
And he is
my great-great-grandfather.
Great. -There's another
"great" grandfather.
That's why
back at the Haywood Ranch,
as the only Black-owned
horse trainers in Hollywood,
we like to say, "Since the
moment pictures could move",
we had skin in the game."
All right, let's get into
some, uh, safety precautions
while we're on set, shall we?
Number one, please refrain
from making any loud noises,
sudden movements,
and keep your cell phones off.
We'd really appreciate that.
Two, if you see anything
that looks or feels unsafe,
contact me, OJ or your second
in chain of command.
And three,
let's have a great shoot!
Uh, and I'm Emerald Haywood.
I direct, write, produce, act.
I do a little...
Uh, motorcycles, baby.
Look, I-I make
a mean grilled cheese
if you're looking for crafty.
Just-just holler at me.
Okay, that was great.
That was... that was a lot.
Uh, let's do a rehearsal.
- Yeah? Rehearsal?
- Rehearsing, we should.
We should do one. Rehearsing.
I think...
I think he might need a break.
Yeah, we'll rehearse one first,
and then break, yeah?
Well, I'm ready to do one.
OJ, she's...
she's ready to do one.
Tell the horse
we're ready to do one.
VFX, can we get the ball
in here while we have a sec?
- Em.
- VFX. Uh, and, OJ,
you can... you can step off.
Step out. Step off.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Uh, step out.
Em?
What's the horse's name?
- Uh, Lucky.
- Lucky.
- Is he?
- VFX!
Yeah. Em?
- Uh, OJ, let's step off.
- You calling me?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- I'm trying to work.
What'd I tell you
about that, man?
Hey, man, if she can't
get near the back of the horse,
- what are we doing here?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey! -
- Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Medic.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Are you okay?
- Whoa, whoa.
Look,
maybe it's just too soon, huh?
Yeah, it's not the gig.
Not ready yet.
Right?
- We need it, man.
- No, I know.
Your dad left an enormous hole.
I know that.
But don't worry,
there'll be others.
All right? I'm sorry.
- And...
- Sorry.
Just, you tell her sorry.
Thank you for the opportunity.
Come on, now.
Oh, where's VFX?
Oh, all right. You got it.
Sorry, that was...
So, where am I dropping you?
I'm-a go up with you.
I need to get some shit.
My little girl said, you know,
I could crash at her place,
so I'll be gone in the morning.
So I'm gonna drive you back
tomorrow?
I can find a ride.
But, I mean, like, can I get
fun OJ out this bitch?
'Cause this wack-ass OJ
is really making me feel
like I'm not loved.
Is that how you want
your little sister to feel?
What happened to Gold Rush?
Gold Rush went bankrupt.
It's been this for three years.
- Damn.
- Howdy, folks.
Welcome to Jupiter's Claim.
Step on up for the wishing well.
Get your Jupe Jangle.
Go on,
take a picture at the well.
Cowboys and cowgirls,
just a little heads-up.
Join us Fridays at 5:30 p.m.
for the brand-spanking-new
Jupiter's Claim
Star Lasso Experience.
Come on over
to the Sundae Saloon.
Get your ice-cold sarsaparilla.
Look at this. I've never
seen anything like it.
- Oh, shi...
- Come on.
I'm sorry, y'all. I'm sorry.
- Photo bomb.
- You ruined it.
- Yeah, my bad.
- Gold, I tell you.
They got gold up in here.
Lucky.
Hang tight.
I'll be back.
Let's go.
How many you sold?
How many?
Ten.
You sold ten of Pops' horses?
I'm gonna get 'em back.
- Can you stay out here?
- Why?
I'm developing
a business relationship,
and you're a liability
right now.
How am I a liability?
How are you a lia...
Don't promote your fucking
side shit on the job.
- Oh, my God.
- Actor, singer, dancer,
seamstress, motorcycles.
You want to promote something,
promote this business.
No, OJ. No.
First of all, that's not
my side shit. This is.
And second of all, if anybody's
a liability...
- Fuck you.
- No, fuck you.
Hi there. It's Amber
again from Jupe's Claim.
It does look like we were able
to squeeze out, uh,
a couple of extra press passes
for the upcoming
friends and family preview.
Oh. No apology necessary.
This is in reference
to the biggest, bestest,
brand-new live show we have
coming up here at the park,
- which is sneaking up on us...
- Come in.
If you'd like, I can
go ahead and put you down...
OJ.
Thanks for coming up.
How you doing?
This is my sister Em.
Hi there.
So, uh... who'd you bring me?
Uh, Lucky.
He's my second-best horse,
you know, uh...
He lost focus.
So, uh... I mean, I did, too,
but I can't fire myself.
- That's good.
- Hold up.
This you?
You literally the Asian kid
from Kid Sheriff?
- Em, Em, Em, Em...
- No, it's okay.
Yeah, I was, uh...
I was Lil' Jupe.
Ah, dude, you were
literally my favorite.
You mind if I get
a picture real quick?
Hey, you mind if we talk?
Yes. Of course.
Please, browse away.
Su casa es mi casa.
Thank you. I sure will.
Um, so...
same deal, yeah? Eleven-five?
- Yeah. Thank you.
- That's 3D. Yeah.
Whatever happened to that
Black boy? He was good.
Stop, stop.
He was good.
I actually wanted to, uh,
lay some groundwork,
uh, to a pathway of-of, uh,
buying some of them back.
All right?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Totally.
Um...
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Actually, OJ,
the offer I made your dad
is still on the table.
Oh, uh...
- Let me... Let...
- Yo, wait a minute.
So, that...
OJ, have I shown you this?
This is in reference
to the Gordy's Home incident.
Gordy's Home. Yeah, yeah.
So, Gordy's Home is
a short-lived but fabled sitcom
I starred in in '96
after Kid Sheriff blew up.
Yeah, my pops told me
about this show.
The-the monkey went crazy
or some shit.
You know, I usually charge
a fee for this.
Oh, damn.
Ta-da.
Hmm.
That's the first
exploding fist bump.
What? Really?
Y'all came up with that?
So, as I was saying, uh,
Gordy's Home began airing
in the fall of '96...
and it was an immediate hit.
Uh, ratings were huge.
Pretty good reviews.
Just really took off.
Yeah.
Then, uh, one day...
we were shooting an episode
in season two entitled, uh,
"Gordy's Birthday."
And, um... boom.
One of the chimps
that plays Gordy just...
just hit his limit.
And it was six minutes
and 13 seconds of havoc.
Network tried to bury hit,
but it was a spectacle.
People are just obsessed.
You're kidding me.
OJ, you said you heard
about that?
Mm-hmm. That's why
they don't let you use chimps.
That's part of the reason.
There's a growing Gordy's Home
fan base out there now.
This Dutch couple paid me 50K
to come in here
and spend the night.
I didn't ask.
That's crazy.
So, what happened really, man?
You haven't seen
the Bad Gordy sketch on SNL?
I mean, they pretty much
nailed it better than I could.
- Mm.
- No?
Saturday Night Live?
Darrell Hammond as Tom.
Ana Gasteyer as Phyllis.
Cheri Oteri as Mary Jo Elliot.
Scott Wolf is the host.
He's me.
But, of course,
the star of the sketch
is Chris goddamn Kattan
as Gordy,
and he is...
undeniable, okay?
Bit goes like this.
Everyone's trying to celebrate
Gordy's birthday,
but every time Gordy hears
something about the jungle,
Gordy... Kattan... goes off.
And it's... it's Kattan.
He's just crushing it.
He is a force of nature.
He is killing on that stage.
Yeah.
It's legendary.
Legendary shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to
go ahead,
look that one up on YouTube.
Details, you know?
Totally.
I got some work I got to do.
So we ain't gonna chill
tonight, nothing?
- You want to work?
- Hell no.
So, uh, what was the offer?
- Jupe?
- Yeah.
He offered to buy the ranch.
Oh, really?
That's interesting. How much?
Why?
'Cause... I'm trying to see
how big of a dumb-ass you are.
Big dumb-ass, probably.
So I guess you don't want
to see what's good
with Dad liquor cabinet,
then, huh?!
I got that hobby weed, too,
actually.
That's all you had to say, then.
The hobby weed.
That's all you had to say,
just let me know.
You should've dropped that
at the top.
"I got the hobby weed."
You know I'm ready.
Okay, your reflexes
are still quick. Like, whoa.
- I ain't mad at it.
- I'm watching.
To the man.
Drink.
Oh, shit.
Remember Jean Jacket?
Yeah, good horse.
Supposed to be
my first horse, actually.
I was just talking
to my therapist about this
- not too long ago.
- Therapist?
Yes. I fuck one
on occasion sometimes.
I was telling her that,
for my ninth birthday,
I was supposed to get
to train Jean Jacket.
But then Pops got
some Western, and...
Jean Jacket wasn't mine no more.
Classic Otis Senior.
I distinctly remember...
standing right here
at this window,
watching y'all train my horse.
My horse.
Pops never looked up at me.
Whoa, now.
Whoa, now. Whoa, now.
OJ, come on.
But you did, nigga.
Remember?
It was Scorpion King, actually.
It wasn't a Western.
That was the first job
Pops took me on.
Wasn't much fun.
Ended up using camels
anyways, so...
The point is...
Yeah, fuck the point.
Yo, that man was
hardheaded as fuck.
And so are you.
That's it.
But at the end of the day,
you got to...
you got to admit, man, Pops...
Pops did something
when he made this place.
He changed the industry.
That's real.
I can't just let that go.
Why is Ghost in the arena?
What's good?
Yeah.
Hey, yo, Em. Em!
Turn it down!
All right!
Hey!
Where he going?
What if I...
What if I told you...
you'll leave here different?
See, every Friday
for the last six months...
my family and I bore witness
to an absolute
spectacle.
Huh?
You see it? The power?
Where's Ghost?
- I don't know.
- Hold on.
Boom. Power went out.
- See?
- Rewind.
Stop.
Ghost talking about,
"I ain't listening.
I'm not trained.
I do whatever the fuck I want."
What?
What'd you see?
What's a bad miracle?
Hmm?
They got a word for that?
Nope.
They said it was a prop plane
or something that killed Pops.
That shit ain't never
made sense to me.
Then tonight,
I heard Ghost make a sound
I ain't never heard
a horse make.
What did you see? Hmm?
It was big.
- How big?
- Big.
- What'd it look like?
- I don't know.
It was fast.
Too fast.
Too quiet to be a plane.
OJ.
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
I'm telling you, man,
we don't need a lot.
We just need enough
to make our shit
look different
from what's out there.
You get what I'm saying?
Like...
You know I ain't trying
to run it up.
I just was looking online,
and I seen a lot of shit.
You know I'm broke, right?
We'll use my money.
Okay, shut up. Look.
All right.
There it is.
Five to a hundred K.
- Well, read it.
- You read it, dyslexic ass.
The point is
a website like Cyber Dominion
will pay five to a hundred K
for photographic evidence
of UFOs and shit.
A hundred K?
And that's just what I saw
on the first go.
Now that I'm thinking about it,
fuck Cyber Dominion.
This shit right here is
a moment... our moment.
We set it up,
release it the right way,
man, I'm talking
rich and famous for life.
How you doing? You look pretty.
She look like
she got a big house.
- How?
- How what? How we put it out?
- Mm.
- Well, that's what I'm saying.
We don't just go for
the quick cash-in, okay?
We-we go to the most credible
platform to do the story.
- What's that? Like Oprah?
- Yeah.
Like Oprah, for example.
After that, everybody want in.
Well, I'm saying there's plenty
of videos of flying shit online.
I saw one the other day.
That wasn't on Oprah.
Nigga, I didn't say Oprah.
You said Oprah.
You love Oprah.
Look, all I'm saying is
all that shit online is fake.
Low quality. Ain't nobody
gonna get what we gonna get.
What we gonna get?
- The shot.
- What shot?
The shot. The money shot.
Undeniable, singular, the...
- the Oprah shot.
- The Oprah shot?
Excuse me.
Hi. I can help you over here.
Hi.
Thank you for shopping
at Fry's. -
Did you guys find everything
you're looking for today?
Yes... Angel.
Oh. Great.
Um, actually, do you have
a card with us?
No, thank you.
Uh, would you like one?
- Because it...
- No, thank you.
Would you like one of
our tech support personnel
to help you
with the installation?
No, no, no, no, no, thank you.
Appreciate you.
All right, uh,
no help with the install.
Suit yourself.
Is it a hard install?
Well, for me, no.
You're not gonna
be able to do it.
What happened?
Did you guys get robbed?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you know.
A lot of blackouts.
Take the camera out
from time to time.
All these new cameras,
they have backup battery power,
so you should be fine.
But the outages affect the
power in the battery shit, too,
like cell phones.
Okay. All right.
Cell phones, they don't just
drop in power. Right?
I mean,
maybe your Wi-Fi drops out
whenever your system dips.
So, that's technology.
Okay, or maybe you're in
a UFO hot spot.
No one believes in that.
What's up?
Damn. Did not realize
you guys were this far out.
Mm-hmm.
I don't mind, though.
Smell of horse shit
and fresh air.
Right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Look at me, man.
- Fuck.
- Don't do that. Don't yell.
Sorry, man.
Sorry if I was, like, a little
shut down this morning.
Just got out of
a four-year relationship.
You were fine.
I know it's gonna sound
fucking clich, all right,
but I thought that
she was the one, you know?
Is this gonna take
longer than an hour?
This? Oh, shit, yeah.
- I'm-a go ahead and pop out.
- Where you going?
I got to go to the store
and get something.
Don't worry about it.
You need anything?
Yo.
Her name was, uh, Rebecca Diaz.
Yep, keep an eye out for her.
She's an actress, model,
you know?
She booked a pilot
on The CW, so...
Yeah, fucking left me.
Yeah, fucking CW.
- So, thing about this camera...
- Actually, can it swivel up?
Uh, yeah.
- Boom.
- Little more?
More. Okay.
Yeah.
Mm.
Uh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Do you know they don't
call 'em UFOs anymore?
It's fucking UAPs now.
Why they got to change the name?
Yeah.
Exactly.
No, fuck it.
I-I'll tell you why
they changed the name,
all right?
It-it's 'cause they want
to keep us in the dark.
Remember when they declassified
all that UFO footage
a couple years ago?
Yeah. Well, people started
paying attention.
So they changed the name
to UAPs.
And no one knows
what the fuck a UAP is,
so everyone lost interest.
I saw that... that Navy clip.
Couldn't really see 'em, though.
Could've been better.
It's shitty footage
of exact proof
that there's
an alien civilization
out there in the universe.
So, who's that?
Come on, man. The little guys
with the big eyes.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
There's lots of theories.
Either they're intergalactic
travelers looking for peace
or futuristic humans
coming back in time
to stop us
from destroying the planet,
or they're fucking
world killers.
Planetary destroyers.
And that means that they've
been fucking watching us
and studying us, waiting for
the perfect time to beam us up
and shove metal probes
up our fucking asses.
Cool.
An-Anyway, Ancient Aliens,
History Channel.
- Watch that shit.
- Hey!
Hey!
Come on! Help a nigga out!
Hey.
Know where I could find me
a couple of big, strong fellas?
You good?
I'm good.
- What?
- What's that?
Oh, this?
You know, just, uh,
training horses we ordered
that I picked up.
- Where'd you get it from?
- Don't worry about it.
Now, come on, help me out.
Got you.
Okay, so... so what is that?
- Is it like bait?
- I told you.
It is a decoy
for horse training.
Okay.
Shit. Shit.
- See?
- OJ.
We good.
I mean, he don't know shit.
Oh, no. You guys are doing
something shady.
Hey there!
Hey!
You can stay right there,
though!
Sure!
What's up?
We're setting up a decoy!
For horse training!
Oh, good!
You know, we got some of those!
Where'd you get...
Where'd you get yours?!
Yeah... I'm not really sure!
My wife would know!
- Okay! Thanks for stopping by!
- Why the... Shh.
You don't live here.
Sorry. Trying to help.
Sure thing!
Hey. I wanted
to invite you to our...
new family live show!
Friday! At 5:00 p.m.!
Okay!
Thumbs u... thumbs up.
Should I do it?
Yeah, do it.
Thumbs up!
And so,
the router's in the shed.
I set it up so if the power
goes down on camera A,
camera B's pointed
at the sky to catch
whatever might have
taken it out.
And, uh, vice versa, so...
Thank you.
I mean, you're really
not gonna tell me
what the fuck is going on?
- You'll know soon enough.
- Oh.
Cool, cryptic.
Fucking dicks.
I can monitor the feeds
remotely myself, if you want.
Free of charge.
- Hell no.
- No.
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
One more thing.
You'll be getting a call
from my supervisor
asking how my service was.
Five stars, Angel. Five stars.
Thank you.
- So, what now?
- I don't know.
- What you want to do?
- I'm... Whatever you want to do.
Well, I got some work
I got to do.
I'm gonna go out...
That's a good one.
I'm talking
today to women who say
they have been abducted
by aliens from another planet.
May I briefly
say, I don't know for a fact
that they're from
another planet.
Well, you know you weren't
in Kansas anymore, Toto.
And I wasn't wearing red shoes
that I could click together, either.
- Yeah, yeah.
Nope. Mm-mm. Nope, I'm out.
I'm going. Fuck this shit.
Okay. Okay.
Ow.
- Oh, shit!
- Fuck off.
Give us back our property.
Don't mess with Jupiter's Claim!
- Come on.
What happened?
The Park kids.
Jupe's sons.
And they let Clover out, man.
What?
They trying to prank Haywood?
- It's on!
- Hey. You stole their horse.
Oh.
Yeah.
- Hey.
- Shit.
Oh.
What's up, Nessie?
Not much. Just stocking shit.
You know, pretty much regular.
Oh, shit!
I need to take my ass to bed.
- Who this?
- Yo, it's Angel from Fry's.
Just calling to tell you that
there is a bug on camera A.
I know. Wait, I thought I
told you not to watch our shit.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Camera B is down.
What?
Camera B is down.
Like Ancient-fucking-Aliens
down.
- Hey!
- Hey. Hi.
Emerald, can you please get
the bug off the thing?
Get the bug off
the fucking thing!
Shit.
Um, what do you see?
Do you... do you see, like,
lights or anything?
Like, a-a fucking saucer?
It's in the cloud.
It's in the cloud.
OJ! It's in the cloud!
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, nah, nah, nah.
Run, OJ! Run!
Shit.
Hello?
What happened to OJ?
It's fine.
Come on.
Okay, it's still on.
The camera, it's still on.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Okay, you fucking
praying mantis.
All right, bitch.
You like Sour Patch Kids?
Huh?
A'ight, man.
Where your shit? Let's go.
Haven't seen one of those
in a minute.
Fucking praying mantis.
That motherfucker better pray
I don't ever see him,
'cause if I do, I'm-a eat him.
- Let's go.
- Where?
Man, I don't know.
I got me
a little situation in Atwater
texting me back right now.
- It's not coming again tonight.
- I don't care.
No. No.
No.
Bro, I ain't never seen
no shit like this.
It ain't worth it.
No, nope. It's too much.
You should go, then.
I got to get up early anyway.
I got mouths to feed.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
You hear that?
Ghost out there.
Acting all territorial.
Mm.
I guess some animals
ain't fit to be trained.
- Hello?
- Uh, hi.
Is this, uh, Antlers Holst?
Who's this?
Hey, yeah. I'm Emerald Haywood.
Uh, we met a couple days ago
at the commercial.
Oh, yeah, horse girl. Sure.
I remember you and your brother.
Yeah, horse boy.
He's here, too.
- The descendants of the jockey.
- Yeah.
Guess I'm talking to
motion picture royalty, then.
How'd you get the number?
- I got it from the call sheet.
- Ah.
So, we have a project, and, uh,
you know, what if I told you
it was the offer of a lifetime?
Yeah, hopefully not my lifetime.
That's a good one.
Um, I'm-a be real with you.
We don't have a lot of money
to pay you up front...
You know, not like
you're used to... but, uh...
Yeah. I tend to do one for them
so I can do one for me,
so what is it?
- Reality.
- Oh, no. Reality.
Documentary.
- Doc-Documentary.
- Oh, that's better.
So, again, what's it about?
It's about the shit
dreams is made of, baby.
Listen, horse girl.
I got a, uh...
pretty damn superb
lemon tart in the oven
I'm about to serve to ten
of my closest friends, so...
Stop.
- Stop, stop, stop.
- Oh, hold on one second. What?
- He's not here for that.
- Look, look, no.
Don't be cute.
Stick to the plan. Say it!
This is what I do.
I don't go to your job
and knock a horse's dick
out your damn hand.
- Hello?
- Yeah.
Yeah, my bad. We good, man.
Um, according to
American Cinema magazine,
you make the cinematically
impossible possible.
Well, we looking
for the impossible shot.
That's impossible.
Antlers.
There's something out here
in Agua Dulce,
and you're probably
the only person in the world
that can get it on film.
Th-That's it.
Horse girl,
this dream you're chasing,
the one where you end up
at the top of the mountain,
all eyes on you...
it's the dream
you never wake up from.
I don't like him.
Holy shit. It's real.
I don't know
what you're doing here, but...
it was illegal for you to...
spy on us like that.
Wait, you... you don't know?
Okay, uh, tell me
when you see it.
There.
- Doesn't move.
- Exactly.
Well, look at that.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.
I went back and scrubbed
through the footage,
and that cloud
has been right there
at least since
I set the cameras up.
Yeah, now you mention it,
I've probably been looking
at the same damn cloud
every day
for the last six months.
Shit.
So, I mean,
that's them in there.
And we've been recording it,
so we got it.
Right?
Yeah.
Why you saying "yeah" like that?
I mean, we have proof
of aliens on video. I...
Yeah, I wouldn't call it proof.
Are you serious?
Look, I've seen crazy weather
phenomenons online before.
- That's all I'm saying.
- He's right.
It's good, but it ain't it.
Ain't Oprah.
Ain't Oprah.
Okay. Are you guys telling me
that there's an alien spaceship
in that fucking cloud
right there?
It doesn't move like a ship.
What you mean, OJ?
What if it's not a ship?
All right, Gordy,
we're almost ready, buddy.
Here we go, buddy. Come on.
- He's ready.
- Set.
Here we go.
And... action.
And, of course,
I set it to Icelandic time
because we share a love
of the aurora borealis, Gordy.
And you have no idea
how to tell time.
Great gift, Dad.
Way to think things through.
Somehow, you'd think
that a man who can send
a rocket into space
would be able to manage
a halfway decent
birthday present.
Nope.
You know, Gordy,
all things considered,
maybe my gift
isn't so bad after all.
- Aw.
- Aw.
Hey, Gordy.
- Surprise!
- Wow.
Now, that is a gift.
Oh. Sorry. My...
That's all right.
Pick it up from there.
Wait a minute.
What happened to we both failed
at finding good presents?
Here you go, Gordy.
Happy birthday.
Oh, beautiful, Hayley.
Whoa, hey, hey, hey. No.
- No, no! Down! Down! Gordy!
- Down!
- No. Stop!
- Stop that!
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, Gordy, no! No!
D-D-Down! Down! Down!
You sit! Down.
No, no, no.
No, no, no!
No, Gordy!
Stop! Ah!
No! No!
Seven just on scene...
Oh, my God.
Feeling good?
Yeah.
Feeling good.
Good.
There we go.
Run it.
Run it one more time, babe.
Okay.
What if I told you...
Yo. It's, uh... Storm's coming.
Just tarping up,
just to be safe.
Hey, where you going?
I'm-a get Lucky.
Now, we're not gonna let
a few clouds kill our fun
today, are we, folks?
So, without further ado,
welcome to the Jupiter's Claim
Star Lasso Experience!
How's everyone feeling today?
All right.
It's quite a doozy today.
Uh, I want to thank you guys
for coming out here.
But first, how about
another round of applause
for my Amber?
I'll tell you, that woman is
a saint for putting up
with all my craziness.
And to the knuckleheads
up there.
The staff. Shout-out.
All right, all right.
That's enough.
I also want to give
a special thanks to
an old costar of mine
and my first crush,
Mary Jo Elliott, everyone!
Yeah.
All right.
You ready?
Oh, come on.
That ain't nothing.
Are you ready?!
Here we go.
You're chosen.
What if I told you...
that in about an hour...
you'll leave here different?
See, every Friday
for the last six months,
my family and I
have bore witness
to an absolute spectacle.
One that you'll be
seeing here today.
So let me take you back
to that first night.
Right here in this exact spot,
I'd come over to wrangle
a chestnut horse named Trigger.
Now, I could barely see my hand
in front of my face
for the fog, but I swear
on my wife and children's lives
that at 6:13 p.m.,
I see...
a flying saucer
descend through the mist.
Old Trigger took off
straight into the gulch.
And, well...
it's like he was going home.
Now, just to be clear,
what we saw
was a flying saucer.
No doubt about that.
Slightly flatter in the front,
with a circular hole
in the bottom
about two school bus
lengths wide.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I kid you not.
We are being surveilled
by an alien species
I call "the Viewers."
And though they have yet
to emerge from their ship,
I believe they trust me.
If they didn't,
I don't think any of us
would be here right now.
So, as I said,
in just under an hour,
Star Lasso Experience
is gonna change you.
But first,
my boys are gonna come out
and do a little number for us.
Would that be all right?
Hustle. Go, go, go...
All right.
My little satellites:
Colton, Phoenix, Max.
Remember those names, folks.
All right, here we go!
What is that?
Do you guys see that?
Uh, uh, stay in your seats.
This is new.
Uh, they're early.
They're giving us
a real show today.
- That they are.
- Yeah.
They're giving us
a real show today.
They're ready, we're ready.
Welcome
to the Star Lasso Experience,
only at Jupiter's Claim.
- Please remember to avoid...
- Come on.
Using your cell phones
or any flash photography...
- Cell phones off, y'all.
- during the event.
Come on!
Bear with us now.
Trained animals
can be unpredictable.
Now sit back,
stay in your seats and enjoy
the Star Lasso Experien...
Well, cowboys and cowgirls,
it's time to ride off
into the sunset.
That's right. Happy trails.
It's closing time.
You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.
Come back again.
And until then,
we wish you well.
Hasta la vista. Adios.
Well, cowboys and cowgirls,
it's time to ride off
into the sunset.
That's right. Happy trails.
It's closing time.
You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.
Come back again.
And until then...
Lucky.
Lucky.
Lucky, come on, come on.
Come on!
Come on, come on, come on.
Lucky.
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
Yo.
It's done.
All right, I'll be over in the
morning to tear that shit off.
Or you guys can do it
yourselves.
- It's all the same.
- No, no.
- I like when you do it.
- Of course you do.
All right. See you tomorrow.
See you.
Pick up, pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up.
Come on, come on.
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Did you know that
the very first assembly
of photographs
in sequential order
to make a motion picture
was a two-second clip
of a Black man on a horse?
That man was a Bahamian jockey
known as Alistair E. Haywood,
and he was
my great-great-grandfather.
- Hey.
- Em.
I was right.
It's not a ship.
What happened?
What the fuck?
Shit.
It ate them, Em.
It ate them all.
It's alive, Em. It's an animal.
It's territorial, and it thinks
that this is its home.
Em!
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
Ooh, yes.
Hey, hey. We're in trouble.
Okay?
Oh, fuck.
Shit.
What?
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
Who the hell is that?
Who the hell is that?
- Em! Who the hell is that?
- Fuck.
It's above us.
Ah, shit!
Shit.
Oh, shit! What the fuck?
Oh, God.
S-Something very bad
is happening.
Fuck!
Yeah, we're fucked.
Nope.
Em. OJ's coming.
Let's go.
Got to get out this house.
I got to get out this house.
No, st-st-stop.
Can't we just wait, right?
You can. -No, I'm not
gonna be here alone.
I've got to get out
this fucking house! -No.
We're alive still
because we stayed here.
Go!
- Come on. Come on.
- Go!
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Go.
Yeah, she... she gonna make it.
- OJ.
- She gonna make it.
- Oh, hey, horsie.
- Hey, don't-don't look him
- in the eyes, please.
- VFX!
Focus here. Focus here.
Come on.
Go!
Welcome to my tavern.
I don't know if you've heard,
but a terrible beast is about.
It's been harassing villagers,
ruining crops
and eating their livestock.
Many a glory-seeking hunter
has attempted to defeat it,
and just as many have perished.
While you're here...
While you're here...
While you're here,
please look around.
I'm here in
Agua Dulce, California,
and the whereabouts of
those 40 guests and employees
of a local Western theme park
are still unknown.
The sheriff's office
has had its hands full
trying to identify
the unaccounted for.
Until they do,
only one thing is certain.
There is something strange
happening
out here in Agua Dulce.
Security
cameras were off at the time.
Other than that, we have, uh,
no reason to suspect foul play.
We did have
a considerable amount
of rain come through here,
so we don't want to rule out
flash flooding
as possibly having played
a part. We're obviously...
You never go wrong
with a fried fish sandwich.
Tartar got tang.
Stupid.
"Tartar got tang"?
Right?
I don't think it eats you if
you don't look it in the eye.
Hey, hey!
RTR, bro.
You know?
Like, read the room.
Nobody want to talk about that.
Let's go!
- Okay, okay, okay. Enough.
All right, all right, all
right, all right, all right.
Hey, you lucky!
Every animal got rules.
All right?
We know what it wants,
and we know how it comes, so...
Fuck.
We don't really know shit.
OJ, what's this about, man?
What's this about?
You want me to...
You want me to say, "I'm sorry"?
"I was wrong"? "It's dumb"?
It wasn't dumb.
- Own the moment.
- Stop.
- Stop, stop this shit.
- It was good. It was good.
But the moment about to pass.
And we don't own shit.
Okay. Well, I assume
y'all are crashing at mine.
Right, 'cause you can.
'Cause I'm not going back
to the fucking monster umbrella.
Got to feed 'em.
Let Lucky out.
There's shit to do.
Always.
Always some shit to do.
There's a wheelchair
on your roof.
Hi.
That cloud ain't moved
a goddamn inch.
So you're not completely
full of shit.
Thank you.
Yeah. Thank you.
Th-The concept
of extraterrestrial animals
in the sky is not a new thing.
You know, people been trying
to get pictures of these things
since, like, the '50s.
- You know, it's an ancient...
- How do we see it?
It's gonna get hungry again.
Ah.
So, you know...
just ring the dinner bell.
Now, we know
what it doesn't like.
That little fake horse
and flags messed it up good.
Got stuck in its windpipe
or something.
I bet it ain't gonna fuck with
flags like that in a minute.
Yeah.
We pissed him off.
We're not the reason
it settled down here.
That was Jupe.
He got caught up
trying to tame a predator.
You can't do that.
You got to enter an agreement
with one.
Yeah.
Ask Siegfried and Roy.
Okay.
Um, asking as someone
who was in the house
- when the shit went down...
- Mm.
How exactly do you enter
an agreement with a fucking...
a UFO, alien entity or whatever
the hell you want to call it?
Jean Jacket.
Call him Jean Jacket.
So, how about this?
How about we send
ol' Jean Jacket
some fresh horses in golden hour
- and see what happens?
- Mm-mm.
Horse people.
Mm, why not just set them free?
We're not doing that.
Okay.
Who is gonna go down there
and get the star
out of his trailer?
Me.
I'll get him out.
Where you want it?
You draw him out there.
I'm here.
On this ridge.
Oh, shit.
Made her myself.
No electricity.
Didn't I tell you
this motherfucker was gonna
come up here with
a non-electrical camera?
Let's go, boy!
Yeah!
I've been up under it
a couple times now.
I get him.
It's an animal.
You don't turn your back
on a bear.
You don't wear red
around a bull.
It's like that.
You don't look at it
unless you want its attention.
Good night, Mr. Storeman.
Fuck it. I call top hat.
And we ain't got a lot of time.
One day. Two days, tops.
'Cause the word is getting out,
and when it does...
Sorry, dead people.
Park's closed.
You know people gonna come
and do what they always do:
try and take it all
for themselves.
Fine.
Thimble.
That's the one I wanted anyway.
Well, let 'em come.
It ain't gonna matter.
'Cause what we about to do...
they can't erase that.
He's big, he's bad,
and he's got a lot of spirit.
But anything with a spirit
can get broke.
So you break it.
I'll get the shot.
Hey, um...
What we're doing's important.
Right?
Like, what we document,
it's, uh...
it's gonna do some good, huh?
I mean, besides the money
and fucking fame,
like, we can save some lives.
Fuck, we-we can even save Earth.
Right?
- Mm.
- Yeah.
Well, it came down to Earth
And it hid in a tree
I said,
"Mr. Purple People Eater
Don't eat me"
Well, he looked at me
and in a voice so gruff
He said,
"I wouldn't eat you
'Cause you're too tough"
He was a one-eyed,
one-horned
Flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned
Flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned
Flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me.
He ain't gonna fuck with you.
Time to wake up the family.
Here we go.
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
How exquisitely stupid is that?
Hah, hah, hah!
We gonna get you today,
motherfucker.
Where is the feed
for Holst's camera?
Over.
Couldn't figure it out. Over.
What you mean,
you couldn't figure it out?
Over.
Um, Holst is shooting
on a film camera,
and all of our cameras are
digital, so it's a whole thing.
Over.
Basically,
you forgot about it. Over.
Yeah, well, I had my hands full
rigging 50 fucking sky dancers
to dead people's car batteries
all connected
to one control panel.
So, yeah, fucking over. Sorry.
I'm scared.
Man down.
Man down? What? Where?
Last dancer, deep in the gulch.
Stay on it, Em. I'm staying up.
Motherfucker.
Oh, wait, wait.
Oh, it's back up.
Could be a faulty battery.
All right. Shot's up, then.
Nah, he's poking.
Who's this asshole?
Man in black
on a white motorcycle.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Shit.
Can I help you?
You see that cloud?
Hey, man, who you with?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Who are you?
Nobody.
You don't look like
a nobody to me.
Yeah, look, w-we doing
a camera test
for a Verizon commercial,
so now I'm-a need you
to clear the road.
This whole valley
comes up as blurry
on Google Maps.
You're really tucked away
back here.
Jupiter's Claim?
Quicker if you go
the other way around.
Yeah.
Actually,
what did happen with Jupe Park
and all those people?
He was basically
your neighbor, right?
So, what, they vanished?
You don't believe
the flood narrative, do you?
Fuck, guys.
It's TMZ.
Oh, fuck me.
Uh, hey, guys. Uh, Jean Jacket
is definitely in those clouds,
and he's definitely
coming this way.
What's the matter?
Don't you want to be on TV?
Man, I'm trying to tell you.
You don't want to go that way.
Fuck it.
Your loss, nobody.
We still rolling? Over.
Goddamn right we are.
Fellas, here it comes. Over.
Pop quiz, guys.
What happens
when an electric bike
going 60 miles per hour
hits an anti-electric field
going in the opposite direction?
Shit.
Fuck.
Shit.
We're all gonna go to jail.
Oh, fuck. There's no way
that that guy's alive.
Ah, shit.
Goddamn.
I told his ass not to go.
I told him not to go.
Uh, hey, OJ, what's...
Wh-Where the fuck are you going?
The fuck is he doing?
I'm going dark. Over.
Okay. No, OJ, no. No!
No self-respecting...
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Easy, easy, easy. -
Did you get that on camera?
- Look at me. Look at me.
- Look at me. -What happened?
Listen, listen, we-we
got to get you out of here.
- Eyes on me.
- Where's my camera?
- Hey! Hey!
- I need my camera.
Do you see it?
Okay. Angel?
- What?
- Angel, come on.
We got to reload.
Shit.
Wait.
Uh, where's your phone?
Why aren't you filming this?
What?
Angel, what's happening?
Okay, OJ, if you die
trying to save that guy,
I'll kill you.
No. No, no, please.
Please, no. No.
- We're gonna get you out. Shut your eye.
- Shut your eye.
- Not before you take a picture.
T-Take a picture first!
Uh, camera reloads.
You can use my camera.
No, no.
There's not enough time.
It's here.
Be Scorpion King.
Make a name for yourself.
What is that?
My bad, man.
Hey.
Oh, my God.
My camera! I need my camera!
Oh, my God! Fuck!
Give me the lid.
Give me the lid.
Come on. All right.
Oh, God!
Oh, fuck!
Shit! Fuck!
Hey, hey! Is everybody okay?
For the love of fuck,
talk to me, please!
OJ.
OJ. OJ!
You stupid-ass motherfucker,
you better answer me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you okay?!
Are you good? Over.
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God.
Oh, God!
Holy shit, I-I think
it's taking the dancers.
Are you getting this?
Guys, OJ's hooded up.
He's doing the run.
OJ's doing the run!
Oh, God.
Sasha hanged himself.
It's all my fault.
Me, alone.
- (sniffles)
- It's my fault.
Forgive me.
I'll be there
by early afternoon.
Rostov: No!
Don't come back.
You don't have to.
Live your life!
Who do you take me for,
Dimitri Rostov?
Forgive me.
Forgive me!
(groans)
(panting)
(in French) Shit!
This isn't the clearing.
(panting)
(branch cracks)
(panting)
(groans)
(gunshot)
(panting)
(yells)
(Mathieu yelling)
(gasping loudly)
(line ringing)
(eerie dramatic music playing)
Kompromat refers to documents
used to destroy
someone's reputation.
was invented by the
Russian secret services.
This film and its characters
are very loosely based
on real events.
with some clouds sure to
come in around 10:00 a.m.
And even though the high gust
warning will, um, expire
mid to late morning,
you'll still want to keep...
The search
for a group of missing hikers
is set to resume this morning
just outside Agua Dulce.
The tour group went out
two days ago
and on the Pacific Crest Trail
but didn't come back
as expected that night.
Crews started searching
yesterday morning...
And traffic is already backed up
due to an accident
on the southbound 101.
It is 7:44 with Bo and Ives.
Bang.
IRKUTSK, SIBERIA
Bang.
5 MONTHS EARLIER
Bang.
May I speak to Julia?
Whoa. Come on.
Thank you.
Down, down.
Down, down, down.
Bang! Yes, a good boy.
Hello, Julia.
It's Mathieu.
Up. Up, up.
Okay, up. Up, up.
Fine, and you?
Got to keep our heads up
out the clouds on this one.
Did you get my message?
Yes, I found your phone.
It's at the house.
I know.
Can you watch Rose this afternoon?
She's not feeling well.
She doesn't want to go to school.
Okay?
Now, we land this...
Yeah. Like Six Guns.
Great.
I mean, we really put on a show,
Okay. That way
you can pick up your phone.
well, you know they're gonna
bring us back for the sequel.
Thanks a lot, Julia.
See you later.
Mm-hmm.
Well, we sure as hell ain't
got to sell no more horses.
So just execute.
And we ain't got
no more problems. Mm.
You good?
The Alliance Franaise
gives French classes,
You good?
Where your sister?
What's that about?
- She's supposed to be here.
- Yeah.
Goddamn it.
Thought I told you
to fix the damn walker.
You hear that?
Pops.
- Come on, come on. Pop.
- Firefly.
- What else? What else?
- Ghost.
Uh-huh.
Beethoven.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Commodore.
- Yeah.
Virgil.
You good. You good.
You good. You good.
You good, man. You good.
- Ghost.
- You good. You good. You good.
- Pops?
- Lucky.
- Pops. Pops.
- Commodore.
Pops!
OJ.
Oh. Hi, horsie.
Hey, hey, hey. Don't
look him in the eyes, please.
Okay.
You ready to do
the safety meeting?
Uh, I'm gonna need like five...
Um, my team's almost here.
Your team's not here.
Okay. Hold.
Sorry, I got the horse guy
talking to me, too.
- What's up? Copy.
- Safety meeting at the...
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ms. Bonnie Clayton on set.
Here she is, everybody.
Take a look at all of that.
Fynn, this is OJ,
our horse trainer.
You remember these guys
from Flash Point.
Yeah. Hi.
Uh...
Your name is OJ?
Yeah, Otis Junior.
Oh.
Uh...
Where's the o... the other guy?
- The-the-the senior guy?
- Dude, he died.
About six months ago.
A bunch of random shit
fell out of a plane.
So I guess we're stuck
with Junior over here.
- No.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Fuck. Great.
Uh, Ant, how we looking?
Yeah, good, if we're selling
a horse's ass.
That's, uh,
legendary cinematographer
Antlers Holst over here...
Let's go ahead
and spin the horse.
But you had said "hold," so...
And now I'm saying "spin."
Let's go. -
Great. And while that's
spinning, can we get makeup?
Get makeup for
Ms. Bonnie Clayton, please.
Hold on.
Can you step away
from the back, please?
They told me to come here.
Good call, OJ.
Um, tell you what,
let's do a quick safety meeting.
Guys, this is OJ,
our horse trainer.
Take it away.
Kill the music, please.
My name is OJ. Uh...
I think my sister's
gonna be here in a minute.
Little louder, please.
We cannot hear you in the back.
I said we are animal wranglers
with Haywood Hollywood Horses.
And, uh... did you know
the very first, uh, assem...
Hey, yo!
Excuse me. Sorry.
I'm so sorry about that.
Let me do that.
Sorry, brother.
- Safety meeting.
- Yeah.
Hello! How y'all doing?
Sorry for the tardiness.
My name is Emerald, that's OJ,
and we are
your animal wranglers today
with Haywood Hollywood Horses.
Now, did you know
that the very first
assembly of photographs
in sequential order
to create a motion picture
was a two-second clip
of a Black man on a horse?
Yes, it was. Yes, it was.
Look it up.
Now, I know you guys know
Eadweard Muybridge,
the grandfather
of motion pictures
who took the pictures
that created that clip,
but does anybody know the name
of the Black jockey
that rode the horse?
No.
Nope? I mean,
the very first stuntman,
animal wrangler and movie star
all rolled into one,
and there is literally
no record of him.
That man was a Bahamian jockey
that went by the name
of Alistair E. Haywood.
And he is
my great-great-grandfather.
Great. -There's another
"great" grandfather.
That's why
back at the Haywood Ranch,
as the only Black-owned
horse trainers in Hollywood,
we like to say, "Since the
moment pictures could move",
we had skin in the game."
All right, let's get into
some, uh, safety precautions
while we're on set, shall we?
Number one, please refrain
from making any loud noises,
sudden movements,
and keep your cell phones off.
We'd really appreciate that.
Two, if you see anything
that looks or feels unsafe,
contact me, OJ or your second
in chain of command.
And three,
let's have a great shoot!
Uh, and I'm Emerald Haywood.
I direct, write, produce, act.
I do a little...
Uh, motorcycles, baby.
Look, I-I make
a mean grilled cheese
if you're looking for crafty.
Just-just holler at me.
Okay, that was great.
That was... that was a lot.
Uh, let's do a rehearsal.
- Yeah? Rehearsal?
- Rehearsing, we should.
We should do one. Rehearsing.
I think...
I think he might need a break.
Yeah, we'll rehearse one first,
and then break, yeah?
Well, I'm ready to do one.
OJ, she's...
she's ready to do one.
Tell the horse
we're ready to do one.
VFX, can we get the ball
in here while we have a sec?
- Em.
- VFX. Uh, and, OJ,
you can... you can step off.
Step out. Step off.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Uh, step out.
Em?
What's the horse's name?
- Uh, Lucky.
- Lucky.
- Is he?
- VFX!
Yeah. Em?
- Uh, OJ, let's step off.
- You calling me?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- I'm trying to work.
What'd I tell you
about that, man?
Hey, man, if she can't
get near the back of the horse,
- what are we doing here?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey! -
- Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Medic.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Are you okay?
- Whoa, whoa.
Look,
maybe it's just too soon, huh?
Yeah, it's not the gig.
Not ready yet.
Right?
- We need it, man.
- No, I know.
Your dad left an enormous hole.
I know that.
But don't worry,
there'll be others.
All right? I'm sorry.
- And...
- Sorry.
Just, you tell her sorry.
Thank you for the opportunity.
Come on, now.
Oh, where's VFX?
Oh, all right. You got it.
Sorry, that was...
So, where am I dropping you?
I'm-a go up with you.
I need to get some shit.
My little girl said, you know,
I could crash at her place,
so I'll be gone in the morning.
So I'm gonna drive you back
tomorrow?
I can find a ride.
But, I mean, like, can I get
fun OJ out this bitch?
'Cause this wack-ass OJ
is really making me feel
like I'm not loved.
Is that how you want
your little sister to feel?
What happened to Gold Rush?
Gold Rush went bankrupt.
It's been this for three years.
- Damn.
- Howdy, folks.
Welcome to Jupiter's Claim.
Step on up for the wishing well.
Get your Jupe Jangle.
Go on,
take a picture at the well.
Cowboys and cowgirls,
just a little heads-up.
Join us Fridays at 5:30 p.m.
for the brand-spanking-new
Jupiter's Claim
Star Lasso Experience.
Come on over
to the Sundae Saloon.
Get your ice-cold sarsaparilla.
Look at this. I've never
seen anything like it.
- Oh, shi...
- Come on.
I'm sorry, y'all. I'm sorry.
- Photo bomb.
- You ruined it.
- Yeah, my bad.
- Gold, I tell you.
They got gold up in here.
Lucky.
Hang tight.
I'll be back.
Let's go.
How many you sold?
How many?
Ten.
You sold ten of Pops' horses?
I'm gonna get 'em back.
- Can you stay out here?
- Why?
I'm developing
a business relationship,
and you're a liability
right now.
How am I a liability?
How are you a lia...
Don't promote your fucking
side shit on the job.
- Oh, my God.
- Actor, singer, dancer,
seamstress, motorcycles.
You want to promote something,
promote this business.
No, OJ. No.
First of all, that's not
my side shit. This is.
And second of all, if anybody's
a liability...
- Fuck you.
- No, fuck you.
Hi there. It's Amber
again from Jupe's Claim.
It does look like we were able
to squeeze out, uh,
a couple of extra press passes
for the upcoming
friends and family preview.
Oh. No apology necessary.
This is in reference
to the biggest, bestest,
brand-new live show we have
coming up here at the park,
- which is sneaking up on us...
- Come in.
If you'd like, I can
go ahead and put you down...
OJ.
Thanks for coming up.
How you doing?
This is my sister Em.
Hi there.
So, uh... who'd you bring me?
Uh, Lucky.
He's my second-best horse,
you know, uh...
He lost focus.
So, uh... I mean, I did, too,
but I can't fire myself.
- That's good.
- Hold up.
This you?
You literally the Asian kid
from Kid Sheriff?
- Em, Em, Em, Em...
- No, it's okay.
Yeah, I was, uh...
I was Lil' Jupe.
Ah, dude, you were
literally my favorite.
You mind if I get
a picture real quick?
Hey, you mind if we talk?
Yes. Of course.
Please, browse away.
Su casa es mi casa.
Thank you. I sure will.
Um, so...
same deal, yeah? Eleven-five?
- Yeah. Thank you.
- That's 3D. Yeah.
Whatever happened to that
Black boy? He was good.
Stop, stop.
He was good.
I actually wanted to, uh,
lay some groundwork,
uh, to a pathway of-of, uh,
buying some of them back.
All right?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Totally.
Um...
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Actually, OJ,
the offer I made your dad
is still on the table.
Oh, uh...
- Let me... Let...
- Yo, wait a minute.
So, that...
OJ, have I shown you this?
This is in reference
to the Gordy's Home incident.
Gordy's Home. Yeah, yeah.
So, Gordy's Home is
a short-lived but fabled sitcom
I starred in in '96
after Kid Sheriff blew up.
Yeah, my pops told me
about this show.
The-the monkey went crazy
or some shit.
You know, I usually charge
a fee for this.
Oh, damn.
Ta-da.
Hmm.
That's the first
exploding fist bump.
What? Really?
Y'all came up with that?
So, as I was saying, uh,
Gordy's Home began airing
in the fall of '96...
and it was an immediate hit.
Uh, ratings were huge.
Pretty good reviews.
Just really took off.
Yeah.
Then, uh, one day...
we were shooting an episode
in season two entitled, uh,
"Gordy's Birthday."
And, um... boom.
One of the chimps
that plays Gordy just...
just hit his limit.
And it was six minutes
and 13 seconds of havoc.
Network tried to bury hit,
but it was a spectacle.
People are just obsessed.
You're kidding me.
OJ, you said you heard
about that?
Mm-hmm. That's why
they don't let you use chimps.
That's part of the reason.
There's a growing Gordy's Home
fan base out there now.
This Dutch couple paid me 50K
to come in here
and spend the night.
I didn't ask.
That's crazy.
So, what happened really, man?
You haven't seen
the Bad Gordy sketch on SNL?
I mean, they pretty much
nailed it better than I could.
- Mm.
- No?
Saturday Night Live?
Darrell Hammond as Tom.
Ana Gasteyer as Phyllis.
Cheri Oteri as Mary Jo Elliot.
Scott Wolf is the host.
He's me.
But, of course,
the star of the sketch
is Chris goddamn Kattan
as Gordy,
and he is...
undeniable, okay?
Bit goes like this.
Everyone's trying to celebrate
Gordy's birthday,
but every time Gordy hears
something about the jungle,
Gordy... Kattan... goes off.
And it's... it's Kattan.
He's just crushing it.
He is a force of nature.
He is killing on that stage.
Yeah.
It's legendary.
Legendary shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to
go ahead,
look that one up on YouTube.
Details, you know?
Totally.
I got some work I got to do.
So we ain't gonna chill
tonight, nothing?
- You want to work?
- Hell no.
So, uh, what was the offer?
- Jupe?
- Yeah.
He offered to buy the ranch.
Oh, really?
That's interesting. How much?
Why?
'Cause... I'm trying to see
how big of a dumb-ass you are.
Big dumb-ass, probably.
So I guess you don't want
to see what's good
with Dad liquor cabinet,
then, huh?!
I got that hobby weed, too,
actually.
That's all you had to say, then.
The hobby weed.
That's all you had to say,
just let me know.
You should've dropped that
at the top.
"I got the hobby weed."
You know I'm ready.
Okay, your reflexes
are still quick. Like, whoa.
- I ain't mad at it.
- I'm watching.
To the man.
Drink.
Oh, shit.
Remember Jean Jacket?
Yeah, good horse.
Supposed to be
my first horse, actually.
I was just talking
to my therapist about this
- not too long ago.
- Therapist?
Yes. I fuck one
on occasion sometimes.
I was telling her that,
for my ninth birthday,
I was supposed to get
to train Jean Jacket.
But then Pops got
some Western, and...
Jean Jacket wasn't mine no more.
Classic Otis Senior.
I distinctly remember...
standing right here
at this window,
watching y'all train my horse.
My horse.
Pops never looked up at me.
Whoa, now.
Whoa, now. Whoa, now.
OJ, come on.
But you did, nigga.
Remember?
It was Scorpion King, actually.
It wasn't a Western.
That was the first job
Pops took me on.
Wasn't much fun.
Ended up using camels
anyways, so...
The point is...
Yeah, fuck the point.
Yo, that man was
hardheaded as fuck.
And so are you.
That's it.
But at the end of the day,
you got to...
you got to admit, man, Pops...
Pops did something
when he made this place.
He changed the industry.
That's real.
I can't just let that go.
Why is Ghost in the arena?
What's good?
Yeah.
Hey, yo, Em. Em!
Turn it down!
All right!
Hey!
Where he going?
What if I...
What if I told you...
you'll leave here different?
See, every Friday
for the last six months...
my family and I bore witness
to an absolute
spectacle.
Huh?
You see it? The power?
Where's Ghost?
- I don't know.
- Hold on.
Boom. Power went out.
- See?
- Rewind.
Stop.
Ghost talking about,
"I ain't listening.
I'm not trained.
I do whatever the fuck I want."
What?
What'd you see?
What's a bad miracle?
Hmm?
They got a word for that?
Nope.
They said it was a prop plane
or something that killed Pops.
That shit ain't never
made sense to me.
Then tonight,
I heard Ghost make a sound
I ain't never heard
a horse make.
What did you see? Hmm?
It was big.
- How big?
- Big.
- What'd it look like?
- I don't know.
It was fast.
Too fast.
Too quiet to be a plane.
OJ.
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
I'm telling you, man,
we don't need a lot.
We just need enough
to make our shit
look different
from what's out there.
You get what I'm saying?
Like...
You know I ain't trying
to run it up.
I just was looking online,
and I seen a lot of shit.
You know I'm broke, right?
We'll use my money.
Okay, shut up. Look.
All right.
There it is.
Five to a hundred K.
- Well, read it.
- You read it, dyslexic ass.
The point is
a website like Cyber Dominion
will pay five to a hundred K
for photographic evidence
of UFOs and shit.
A hundred K?
And that's just what I saw
on the first go.
Now that I'm thinking about it,
fuck Cyber Dominion.
This shit right here is
a moment... our moment.
We set it up,
release it the right way,
man, I'm talking
rich and famous for life.
How you doing? You look pretty.
She look like
she got a big house.
- How?
- How what? How we put it out?
- Mm.
- Well, that's what I'm saying.
We don't just go for
the quick cash-in, okay?
We-we go to the most credible
platform to do the story.
- What's that? Like Oprah?
- Yeah.
Like Oprah, for example.
After that, everybody want in.
Well, I'm saying there's plenty
of videos of flying shit online.
I saw one the other day.
That wasn't on Oprah.
Nigga, I didn't say Oprah.
You said Oprah.
You love Oprah.
Look, all I'm saying is
all that shit online is fake.
Low quality. Ain't nobody
gonna get what we gonna get.
What we gonna get?
- The shot.
- What shot?
The shot. The money shot.
Undeniable, singular, the...
- the Oprah shot.
- The Oprah shot?
Excuse me.
Hi. I can help you over here.
Hi.
Thank you for shopping
at Fry's. -
Did you guys find everything
you're looking for today?
Yes... Angel.
Oh. Great.
Um, actually, do you have
a card with us?
No, thank you.
Uh, would you like one?
- Because it...
- No, thank you.
Would you like one of
our tech support personnel
to help you
with the installation?
No, no, no, no, no, thank you.
Appreciate you.
All right, uh,
no help with the install.
Suit yourself.
Is it a hard install?
Well, for me, no.
You're not gonna
be able to do it.
What happened?
Did you guys get robbed?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you know.
A lot of blackouts.
Take the camera out
from time to time.
All these new cameras,
they have backup battery power,
so you should be fine.
But the outages affect the
power in the battery shit, too,
like cell phones.
Okay. All right.
Cell phones, they don't just
drop in power. Right?
I mean,
maybe your Wi-Fi drops out
whenever your system dips.
So, that's technology.
Okay, or maybe you're in
a UFO hot spot.
No one believes in that.
What's up?
Damn. Did not realize
you guys were this far out.
Mm-hmm.
I don't mind, though.
Smell of horse shit
and fresh air.
Right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Look at me, man.
- Fuck.
- Don't do that. Don't yell.
Sorry, man.
Sorry if I was, like, a little
shut down this morning.
Just got out of
a four-year relationship.
You were fine.
I know it's gonna sound
fucking clich, all right,
but I thought that
she was the one, you know?
Is this gonna take
longer than an hour?
This? Oh, shit, yeah.
- I'm-a go ahead and pop out.
- Where you going?
I got to go to the store
and get something.
Don't worry about it.
You need anything?
Yo.
Her name was, uh, Rebecca Diaz.
Yep, keep an eye out for her.
She's an actress, model,
you know?
She booked a pilot
on The CW, so...
Yeah, fucking left me.
Yeah, fucking CW.
- So, thing about this camera...
- Actually, can it swivel up?
Uh, yeah.
- Boom.
- Little more?
More. Okay.
Yeah.
Mm.
Uh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Do you know they don't
call 'em UFOs anymore?
It's fucking UAPs now.
Why they got to change the name?
Yeah.
Exactly.
No, fuck it.
I-I'll tell you why
they changed the name,
all right?
It-it's 'cause they want
to keep us in the dark.
Remember when they declassified
all that UFO footage
a couple years ago?
Yeah. Well, people started
paying attention.
So they changed the name
to UAPs.
And no one knows
what the fuck a UAP is,
so everyone lost interest.
I saw that... that Navy clip.
Couldn't really see 'em, though.
Could've been better.
It's shitty footage
of exact proof
that there's
an alien civilization
out there in the universe.
So, who's that?
Come on, man. The little guys
with the big eyes.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
There's lots of theories.
Either they're intergalactic
travelers looking for peace
or futuristic humans
coming back in time
to stop us
from destroying the planet,
or they're fucking
world killers.
Planetary destroyers.
And that means that they've
been fucking watching us
and studying us, waiting for
the perfect time to beam us up
and shove metal probes
up our fucking asses.
Cool.
An-Anyway, Ancient Aliens,
History Channel.
- Watch that shit.
- Hey!
Hey!
Come on! Help a nigga out!
Hey.
Know where I could find me
a couple of big, strong fellas?
You good?
I'm good.
- What?
- What's that?
Oh, this?
You know, just, uh,
training horses we ordered
that I picked up.
- Where'd you get it from?
- Don't worry about it.
Now, come on, help me out.
Got you.
Okay, so... so what is that?
- Is it like bait?
- I told you.
It is a decoy
for horse training.
Okay.
Shit. Shit.
- See?
- OJ.
We good.
I mean, he don't know shit.
Oh, no. You guys are doing
something shady.
Hey there!
Hey!
You can stay right there,
though!
Sure!
What's up?
We're setting up a decoy!
For horse training!
Oh, good!
You know, we got some of those!
Where'd you get...
Where'd you get yours?!
Yeah... I'm not really sure!
My wife would know!
- Okay! Thanks for stopping by!
- Why the... Shh.
You don't live here.
Sorry. Trying to help.
Sure thing!
Hey. I wanted
to invite you to our...
new family live show!
Friday! At 5:00 p.m.!
Okay!
Thumbs u... thumbs up.
Should I do it?
Yeah, do it.
Thumbs up!
And so,
the router's in the shed.
I set it up so if the power
goes down on camera A,
camera B's pointed
at the sky to catch
whatever might have
taken it out.
And, uh, vice versa, so...
Thank you.
I mean, you're really
not gonna tell me
what the fuck is going on?
- You'll know soon enough.
- Oh.
Cool, cryptic.
Fucking dicks.
I can monitor the feeds
remotely myself, if you want.
Free of charge.
- Hell no.
- No.
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.
One more thing.
You'll be getting a call
from my supervisor
asking how my service was.
Five stars, Angel. Five stars.
Thank you.
- So, what now?
- I don't know.
- What you want to do?
- I'm... Whatever you want to do.
Well, I got some work
I got to do.
I'm gonna go out...
That's a good one.
I'm talking
today to women who say
they have been abducted
by aliens from another planet.
May I briefly
say, I don't know for a fact
that they're from
another planet.
Well, you know you weren't
in Kansas anymore, Toto.
And I wasn't wearing red shoes
that I could click together, either.
- Yeah, yeah.
Nope. Mm-mm. Nope, I'm out.
I'm going. Fuck this shit.
Okay. Okay.
Ow.
- Oh, shit!
- Fuck off.
Give us back our property.
Don't mess with Jupiter's Claim!
- Come on.
What happened?
The Park kids.
Jupe's sons.
And they let Clover out, man.
What?
They trying to prank Haywood?
- It's on!
- Hey. You stole their horse.
Oh.
Yeah.
- Hey.
- Shit.
Oh.
What's up, Nessie?
Not much. Just stocking shit.
You know, pretty much regular.
Oh, shit!
I need to take my ass to bed.
- Who this?
- Yo, it's Angel from Fry's.
Just calling to tell you that
there is a bug on camera A.
I know. Wait, I thought I
told you not to watch our shit.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Camera B is down.
What?
Camera B is down.
Like Ancient-fucking-Aliens
down.
- Hey!
- Hey. Hi.
Emerald, can you please get
the bug off the thing?
Get the bug off
the fucking thing!
Shit.
Um, what do you see?
Do you... do you see, like,
lights or anything?
Like, a-a fucking saucer?
It's in the cloud.
It's in the cloud.
OJ! It's in the cloud!
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, nah, nah, nah.
Run, OJ! Run!
Shit.
Hello?
What happened to OJ?
It's fine.
Come on.
Okay, it's still on.
The camera, it's still on.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Okay, you fucking
praying mantis.
All right, bitch.
You like Sour Patch Kids?
Huh?
A'ight, man.
Where your shit? Let's go.
Haven't seen one of those
in a minute.
Fucking praying mantis.
That motherfucker better pray
I don't ever see him,
'cause if I do, I'm-a eat him.
- Let's go.
- Where?
Man, I don't know.
I got me
a little situation in Atwater
texting me back right now.
- It's not coming again tonight.
- I don't care.
No. No.
No.
Bro, I ain't never seen
no shit like this.
It ain't worth it.
No, nope. It's too much.
You should go, then.
I got to get up early anyway.
I got mouths to feed.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
You hear that?
Ghost out there.
Acting all territorial.
Mm.
I guess some animals
ain't fit to be trained.
- Hello?
- Uh, hi.
Is this, uh, Antlers Holst?
Who's this?
Hey, yeah. I'm Emerald Haywood.
Uh, we met a couple days ago
at the commercial.
Oh, yeah, horse girl. Sure.
I remember you and your brother.
Yeah, horse boy.
He's here, too.
- The descendants of the jockey.
- Yeah.
Guess I'm talking to
motion picture royalty, then.
How'd you get the number?
- I got it from the call sheet.
- Ah.
So, we have a project, and, uh,
you know, what if I told you
it was the offer of a lifetime?
Yeah, hopefully not my lifetime.
That's a good one.
Um, I'm-a be real with you.
We don't have a lot of money
to pay you up front...
You know, not like
you're used to... but, uh...
Yeah. I tend to do one for them
so I can do one for me,
so what is it?
- Reality.
- Oh, no. Reality.
Documentary.
- Doc-Documentary.
- Oh, that's better.
So, again, what's it about?
It's about the shit
dreams is made of, baby.
Listen, horse girl.
I got a, uh...
pretty damn superb
lemon tart in the oven
I'm about to serve to ten
of my closest friends, so...
Stop.
- Stop, stop, stop.
- Oh, hold on one second. What?
- He's not here for that.
- Look, look, no.
Don't be cute.
Stick to the plan. Say it!
This is what I do.
I don't go to your job
and knock a horse's dick
out your damn hand.
- Hello?
- Yeah.
Yeah, my bad. We good, man.
Um, according to
American Cinema magazine,
you make the cinematically
impossible possible.
Well, we looking
for the impossible shot.
That's impossible.
Antlers.
There's something out here
in Agua Dulce,
and you're probably
the only person in the world
that can get it on film.
Th-That's it.
Horse girl,
this dream you're chasing,
the one where you end up
at the top of the mountain,
all eyes on you...
it's the dream
you never wake up from.
I don't like him.
Holy shit. It's real.
I don't know
what you're doing here, but...
it was illegal for you to...
spy on us like that.
Wait, you... you don't know?
Okay, uh, tell me
when you see it.
There.
- Doesn't move.
- Exactly.
Well, look at that.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.
I went back and scrubbed
through the footage,
and that cloud
has been right there
at least since
I set the cameras up.
Yeah, now you mention it,
I've probably been looking
at the same damn cloud
every day
for the last six months.
Shit.
So, I mean,
that's them in there.
And we've been recording it,
so we got it.
Right?
Yeah.
Why you saying "yeah" like that?
I mean, we have proof
of aliens on video. I...
Yeah, I wouldn't call it proof.
Are you serious?
Look, I've seen crazy weather
phenomenons online before.
- That's all I'm saying.
- He's right.
It's good, but it ain't it.
Ain't Oprah.
Ain't Oprah.
Okay. Are you guys telling me
that there's an alien spaceship
in that fucking cloud
right there?
It doesn't move like a ship.
What you mean, OJ?
What if it's not a ship?
All right, Gordy,
we're almost ready, buddy.
Here we go, buddy. Come on.
- He's ready.
- Set.
Here we go.
And... action.
And, of course,
I set it to Icelandic time
because we share a love
of the aurora borealis, Gordy.
And you have no idea
how to tell time.
Great gift, Dad.
Way to think things through.
Somehow, you'd think
that a man who can send
a rocket into space
would be able to manage
a halfway decent
birthday present.
Nope.
You know, Gordy,
all things considered,
maybe my gift
isn't so bad after all.
- Aw.
- Aw.
Hey, Gordy.
- Surprise!
- Wow.
Now, that is a gift.
Oh. Sorry. My...
That's all right.
Pick it up from there.
Wait a minute.
What happened to we both failed
at finding good presents?
Here you go, Gordy.
Happy birthday.
Oh, beautiful, Hayley.
Whoa, hey, hey, hey. No.
- No, no! Down! Down! Gordy!
- Down!
- No. Stop!
- Stop that!
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, Gordy, no! No!
D-D-Down! Down! Down!
You sit! Down.
No, no, no.
No, no, no!
No, Gordy!
Stop! Ah!
No! No!
Seven just on scene...
Oh, my God.
Feeling good?
Yeah.
Feeling good.
Good.
There we go.
Run it.
Run it one more time, babe.
Okay.
What if I told you...
Yo. It's, uh... Storm's coming.
Just tarping up,
just to be safe.
Hey, where you going?
I'm-a get Lucky.
Now, we're not gonna let
a few clouds kill our fun
today, are we, folks?
So, without further ado,
welcome to the Jupiter's Claim
Star Lasso Experience!
How's everyone feeling today?
All right.
It's quite a doozy today.
Uh, I want to thank you guys
for coming out here.
But first, how about
another round of applause
for my Amber?
I'll tell you, that woman is
a saint for putting up
with all my craziness.
And to the knuckleheads
up there.
The staff. Shout-out.
All right, all right.
That's enough.
I also want to give
a special thanks to
an old costar of mine
and my first crush,
Mary Jo Elliott, everyone!
Yeah.
All right.
You ready?
Oh, come on.
That ain't nothing.
Are you ready?!
Here we go.
You're chosen.
What if I told you...
that in about an hour...
you'll leave here different?
See, every Friday
for the last six months,
my family and I
have bore witness
to an absolute spectacle.
One that you'll be
seeing here today.
So let me take you back
to that first night.
Right here in this exact spot,
I'd come over to wrangle
a chestnut horse named Trigger.
Now, I could barely see my hand
in front of my face
for the fog, but I swear
on my wife and children's lives
that at 6:13 p.m.,
I see...
a flying saucer
descend through the mist.
Old Trigger took off
straight into the gulch.
And, well...
it's like he was going home.
Now, just to be clear,
what we saw
was a flying saucer.
No doubt about that.
Slightly flatter in the front,
with a circular hole
in the bottom
about two school bus
lengths wide.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I kid you not.
We are being surveilled
by an alien species
I call "the Viewers."
And though they have yet
to emerge from their ship,
I believe they trust me.
If they didn't,
I don't think any of us
would be here right now.
So, as I said,
in just under an hour,
Star Lasso Experience
is gonna change you.
But first,
my boys are gonna come out
and do a little number for us.
Would that be all right?
Hustle. Go, go, go...
All right.
My little satellites:
Colton, Phoenix, Max.
Remember those names, folks.
All right, here we go!
What is that?
Do you guys see that?
Uh, uh, stay in your seats.
This is new.
Uh, they're early.
They're giving us
a real show today.
- That they are.
- Yeah.
They're giving us
a real show today.
They're ready, we're ready.
Welcome
to the Star Lasso Experience,
only at Jupiter's Claim.
- Please remember to avoid...
- Come on.
Using your cell phones
or any flash photography...
- Cell phones off, y'all.
- during the event.
Come on!
Bear with us now.
Trained animals
can be unpredictable.
Now sit back,
stay in your seats and enjoy
the Star Lasso Experien...
Well, cowboys and cowgirls,
it's time to ride off
into the sunset.
That's right. Happy trails.
It's closing time.
You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.
Come back again.
And until then,
we wish you well.
Hasta la vista. Adios.
Well, cowboys and cowgirls,
it's time to ride off
into the sunset.
That's right. Happy trails.
It's closing time.
You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.
Come back again.
And until then...
Lucky.
Lucky.
Lucky, come on, come on.
Come on!
Come on, come on, come on.
Lucky.
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
Yo.
It's done.
All right, I'll be over in the
morning to tear that shit off.
Or you guys can do it
yourselves.
- It's all the same.
- No, no.
- I like when you do it.
- Of course you do.
All right. See you tomorrow.
See you.
Pick up, pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up.
Come on, come on.
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Did you know that
the very first assembly
of photographs
in sequential order
to make a motion picture
was a two-second clip
of a Black man on a horse?
That man was a Bahamian jockey
known as Alistair E. Haywood,
and he was
my great-great-grandfather.
- Hey.
- Em.
I was right.
It's not a ship.
What happened?
What the fuck?
Shit.
It ate them, Em.
It ate them all.
It's alive, Em. It's an animal.
It's territorial, and it thinks
that this is its home.
Em!
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
Ooh, yes.
Hey, hey. We're in trouble.
Okay?
Oh, fuck.
Shit.
What?
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
Who the hell is that?
Who the hell is that?
- Em! Who the hell is that?
- Fuck.
It's above us.
Ah, shit!
Shit.
Oh, shit! What the fuck?
Oh, God.
S-Something very bad
is happening.
Fuck!
Yeah, we're fucked.
Nope.
Em. OJ's coming.
Let's go.
Got to get out this house.
I got to get out this house.
No, st-st-stop.
Can't we just wait, right?
You can. -No, I'm not
gonna be here alone.
I've got to get out
this fucking house! -No.
We're alive still
because we stayed here.
Go!
- Come on. Come on.
- Go!
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Go.
Yeah, she... she gonna make it.
- OJ.
- She gonna make it.
- Oh, hey, horsie.
- Hey, don't-don't look him
- in the eyes, please.
- VFX!
Focus here. Focus here.
Come on.
Go!
Welcome to my tavern.
I don't know if you've heard,
but a terrible beast is about.
It's been harassing villagers,
ruining crops
and eating their livestock.
Many a glory-seeking hunter
has attempted to defeat it,
and just as many have perished.
While you're here...
While you're here...
While you're here,
please look around.
I'm here in
Agua Dulce, California,
and the whereabouts of
those 40 guests and employees
of a local Western theme park
are still unknown.
The sheriff's office
has had its hands full
trying to identify
the unaccounted for.
Until they do,
only one thing is certain.
There is something strange
happening
out here in Agua Dulce.
Security
cameras were off at the time.
Other than that, we have, uh,
no reason to suspect foul play.
We did have
a considerable amount
of rain come through here,
so we don't want to rule out
flash flooding
as possibly having played
a part. We're obviously...
You never go wrong
with a fried fish sandwich.
Tartar got tang.
Stupid.
"Tartar got tang"?
Right?
I don't think it eats you if
you don't look it in the eye.
Hey, hey!
RTR, bro.
You know?
Like, read the room.
Nobody want to talk about that.
Let's go!
- Okay, okay, okay. Enough.
All right, all right, all
right, all right, all right.
Hey, you lucky!
Every animal got rules.
All right?
We know what it wants,
and we know how it comes, so...
Fuck.
We don't really know shit.
OJ, what's this about, man?
What's this about?
You want me to...
You want me to say, "I'm sorry"?
"I was wrong"? "It's dumb"?
It wasn't dumb.
- Own the moment.
- Stop.
- Stop, stop this shit.
- It was good. It was good.
But the moment about to pass.
And we don't own shit.
Okay. Well, I assume
y'all are crashing at mine.
Right, 'cause you can.
'Cause I'm not going back
to the fucking monster umbrella.
Got to feed 'em.
Let Lucky out.
There's shit to do.
Always.
Always some shit to do.
There's a wheelchair
on your roof.
Hi.
That cloud ain't moved
a goddamn inch.
So you're not completely
full of shit.
Thank you.
Yeah. Thank you.
Th-The concept
of extraterrestrial animals
in the sky is not a new thing.
You know, people been trying
to get pictures of these things
since, like, the '50s.
- You know, it's an ancient...
- How do we see it?
It's gonna get hungry again.
Ah.
So, you know...
just ring the dinner bell.
Now, we know
what it doesn't like.
That little fake horse
and flags messed it up good.
Got stuck in its windpipe
or something.
I bet it ain't gonna fuck with
flags like that in a minute.
Yeah.
We pissed him off.
We're not the reason
it settled down here.
That was Jupe.
He got caught up
trying to tame a predator.
You can't do that.
You got to enter an agreement
with one.
Yeah.
Ask Siegfried and Roy.
Okay.
Um, asking as someone
who was in the house
- when the shit went down...
- Mm.
How exactly do you enter
an agreement with a fucking...
a UFO, alien entity or whatever
the hell you want to call it?
Jean Jacket.
Call him Jean Jacket.
So, how about this?
How about we send
ol' Jean Jacket
some fresh horses in golden hour
- and see what happens?
- Mm-mm.
Horse people.
Mm, why not just set them free?
We're not doing that.
Okay.
Who is gonna go down there
and get the star
out of his trailer?
Me.
I'll get him out.
Where you want it?
You draw him out there.
I'm here.
On this ridge.
Oh, shit.
Made her myself.
No electricity.
Didn't I tell you
this motherfucker was gonna
come up here with
a non-electrical camera?
Let's go, boy!
Yeah!
I've been up under it
a couple times now.
I get him.
It's an animal.
You don't turn your back
on a bear.
You don't wear red
around a bull.
It's like that.
You don't look at it
unless you want its attention.
Good night, Mr. Storeman.
Fuck it. I call top hat.
And we ain't got a lot of time.
One day. Two days, tops.
'Cause the word is getting out,
and when it does...
Sorry, dead people.
Park's closed.
You know people gonna come
and do what they always do:
try and take it all
for themselves.
Fine.
Thimble.
That's the one I wanted anyway.
Well, let 'em come.
It ain't gonna matter.
'Cause what we about to do...
they can't erase that.
He's big, he's bad,
and he's got a lot of spirit.
But anything with a spirit
can get broke.
So you break it.
I'll get the shot.
Hey, um...
What we're doing's important.
Right?
Like, what we document,
it's, uh...
it's gonna do some good, huh?
I mean, besides the money
and fucking fame,
like, we can save some lives.
Fuck, we-we can even save Earth.
Right?
- Mm.
- Yeah.
Well, it came down to Earth
And it hid in a tree
I said,
"Mr. Purple People Eater
Don't eat me"
Well, he looked at me
and in a voice so gruff
He said,
"I wouldn't eat you
'Cause you're too tough"
He was a one-eyed,
one-horned
Flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned
Flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned
Flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me.
He ain't gonna fuck with you.
Time to wake up the family.
Here we go.
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
How exquisitely stupid is that?
Hah, hah, hah!
We gonna get you today,
motherfucker.
Where is the feed
for Holst's camera?
Over.
Couldn't figure it out. Over.
What you mean,
you couldn't figure it out?
Over.
Um, Holst is shooting
on a film camera,
and all of our cameras are
digital, so it's a whole thing.
Over.
Basically,
you forgot about it. Over.
Yeah, well, I had my hands full
rigging 50 fucking sky dancers
to dead people's car batteries
all connected
to one control panel.
So, yeah, fucking over. Sorry.
I'm scared.
Man down.
Man down? What? Where?
Last dancer, deep in the gulch.
Stay on it, Em. I'm staying up.
Motherfucker.
Oh, wait, wait.
Oh, it's back up.
Could be a faulty battery.
All right. Shot's up, then.
Nah, he's poking.
Who's this asshole?
Man in black
on a white motorcycle.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Shit.
Can I help you?
You see that cloud?
Hey, man, who you with?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Who are you?
Nobody.
You don't look like
a nobody to me.
Yeah, look, w-we doing
a camera test
for a Verizon commercial,
so now I'm-a need you
to clear the road.
This whole valley
comes up as blurry
on Google Maps.
You're really tucked away
back here.
Jupiter's Claim?
Quicker if you go
the other way around.
Yeah.
Actually,
what did happen with Jupe Park
and all those people?
He was basically
your neighbor, right?
So, what, they vanished?
You don't believe
the flood narrative, do you?
Fuck, guys.
It's TMZ.
Oh, fuck me.
Uh, hey, guys. Uh, Jean Jacket
is definitely in those clouds,
and he's definitely
coming this way.
What's the matter?
Don't you want to be on TV?
Man, I'm trying to tell you.
You don't want to go that way.
Fuck it.
Your loss, nobody.
We still rolling? Over.
Goddamn right we are.
Fellas, here it comes. Over.
Pop quiz, guys.
What happens
when an electric bike
going 60 miles per hour
hits an anti-electric field
going in the opposite direction?
Shit.
Fuck.
Shit.
We're all gonna go to jail.
Oh, fuck. There's no way
that that guy's alive.
Ah, shit.
Goddamn.
I told his ass not to go.
I told him not to go.
Uh, hey, OJ, what's...
Wh-Where the fuck are you going?
The fuck is he doing?
I'm going dark. Over.
Okay. No, OJ, no. No!
No self-respecting...
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Easy, easy, easy. -
Did you get that on camera?
- Look at me. Look at me.
- Look at me. -What happened?
Listen, listen, we-we
got to get you out of here.
- Eyes on me.
- Where's my camera?
- Hey! Hey!
- I need my camera.
Do you see it?
Okay. Angel?
- What?
- Angel, come on.
We got to reload.
Shit.
Wait.
Uh, where's your phone?
Why aren't you filming this?
What?
Angel, what's happening?
Okay, OJ, if you die
trying to save that guy,
I'll kill you.
No. No, no, please.
Please, no. No.
- We're gonna get you out. Shut your eye.
- Shut your eye.
- Not before you take a picture.
T-Take a picture first!
Uh, camera reloads.
You can use my camera.
No, no.
There's not enough time.
It's here.
Be Scorpion King.
Make a name for yourself.
What is that?
My bad, man.
Hey.
Oh, my God.
My camera! I need my camera!
Oh, my God! Fuck!
Give me the lid.
Give me the lid.
Come on. All right.
Oh, God!
Oh, fuck!
Shit! Fuck!
Hey, hey! Is everybody okay?
For the love of fuck,
talk to me, please!
OJ.
OJ. OJ!
You stupid-ass motherfucker,
you better answer me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you okay?!
Are you good? Over.
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God.
Oh, God!
Holy shit, I-I think
it's taking the dancers.
Are you getting this?
Guys, OJ's hooded up.
He's doing the run.
OJ's doing the run!
Oh, God.
Sasha hanged himself.
It's all my fault.
Me, alone.
- (sniffles)
- It's my fault.
Forgive me.
I'll be there
by early afternoon.
Rostov: No!
Don't come back.
You don't have to.
Live your life!
Who do you take me for,
Dimitri Rostov?
Forgive me.
Forgive me!
(groans)
(panting)
(in French) Shit!
This isn't the clearing.
(panting)
(branch cracks)
(panting)
(groans)
(gunshot)
(panting)
(yells)
(Mathieu yelling)
(gasping loudly)
(line ringing)