Marijuana Minutes (2023) Movie Script
1
(upbeat music)
(weights clinking)
(man muttering)
(alarm ringing)
I woke up Thursday, about one or two
I don't got anything,
got anything to do
I wanna brush my teeth,
I need information
Turn on the TV and radio station
The world's fucked,
ain't nothing left for me
Strung out on fast foods,
cigarettes, amphetamines
I think today I'll wear
a nice, white dress
Throw my hair in a tight perm press
I want a Cadillac Car
A Cadillac Car
A new hairdo
A new hairdo
I wanna go to work and
tell my boss "Fuck you!"
I wanna go to work and
tell my boss "Fuck you!"
- Hey! (laughs)
Hey.
A job?
Er, ah, hi, are you...
Are you jobbing?
Ah, hiring?
Oh, hey!
It's crazy.
This is the one.
You're the one.
You're the one.
You are so pretty.
You got this.
Hey. (laughs)
I'm, I'm... Amy
Hello, my future boss.
I'd like a job.
You got this.
I'll work on it on the way.
I shot a man 'cause
he looked at me wrong
I feel indifferent as I have all along
I said, I
I shot a man 'cause
he looked at me wrong
I told a bunch of
fucking lies in this song
I got a Cadillac Car
A Cadillac Car
A new hairdo
A new hairdo
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
- Don't bring that in here,
I actually have paying
customers to drive around.
Can't have you smoking up the car.
- Okay.
- [Clover] Let's go!
- [Amy] I'm gonna get a job today!
- [Clover] Let's hope so!
- [Amy] I'm gonna, I promise this time.
(upbeat music)
- Five dollars on your bill.
- Cool cool cool. (coughs)
- You gotta stop smoking, brother.
- You smoke.
- Yeah, and I'm not a gross phlegmy mess.
- Maybe I'll switch back to wax.
- Get a vape pen.
- Don't those cause, fuckin',
like, the black lung or somethin'?
- Yeah, if you believe the media.
- You don't?
- Hell no.
Big tobacco and big pharma want vapes dead
so they can keep selling
cigarettes and chemo juice.
- So vapes are safe?
- Nothing's safe, but you'll
stop smelling like an ash tray.
- You smell like an ash tray!
- Yeah but I rock it.
And I'm not going on interviews.
- Yeah.
- You look and smell
like a homeless person.
- It's a secretarial job
for a small IT company.
It's like nothing work.
- Is this the same outfit
you'd wear on a date?
- No?
Yes?
I don't know, it's been awhile.
- Job hunting is like
dating without the sex.
- I'd honestly rather have
the sex without the dating.
- Yeah, well, we'll get you laid later.
For now, go bone this interview.
I'll pick you up after
my next drive, ya idiot.
- Thanks.
- You got it, brother.
(bright music)
(bell jingling)
- [Amy] Hello?
(locks clicking)
- Can I help you?
- I'm looking for Jason.
- I'm Jason.
- Oh, cool man, I'm Amy.
I'm here for the interview.
- Okay.
- Okay!
Should I come in?
- I suppose so.
(locks clicking)
- Cool place.
Where is everyone?
- We give all of our employees
one Friday off a month.
- Oh cool.
Why are you here?
- For this.
- Right, (laughs) cool, right.
- You thought that was a
good look for an interview?
- The job listing said you
guys do casual Fridays.
- Business casual.
- I've often done business
in this very outfit.
- Mm.
So, what drew you to this job?
- It seemed easy enough.
- Right.
So what are your strengths and weaknesses?
- Ah...
Huh.
Ah...
Well, I mean, I think I
could do this job fine.
That's probably my greatest strength.
As for weaknesses, I'm not
really a morning person.
I haven't been up in the AM in months.
But I think I could overcome that.
Ah, my other greatest weakness is peanuts.
They could kill me and I probably
will never overcome that.
- We'll be in touch.
- You will?
- It's a formality.
- To get in touch?
- To say we'll get in touch.
- Ah.
So, no good?
- No, not so good.
- Well, since we're not
gonna be colleagues,
would you maybe want to go out with me?
- No thank you.
- Okay.
I didn't get it.
- How do you know you didn't get it?
- Because I asked "Did I get it?"
and he said, "No, you did not get it."
- Yeah, well, sucks to suck, try again.
- Trying's so hard.
Can you come pick me up?
- Can't.
This cuck has to make it
to the stupid airport.
- That's fine.
I'll go walk to Trevor's.
Gotta go pick up some goods.
- Cool cool.
Go buy those drugs.
Bye bitch. (laughs)
So what, you going on
vacation or something?
- Oh, yeah, I'm going-
- Oh shit!
Don't be rude, I'm
trying to listen to this.
Watch the paint as it dries
Twiddle thumbs, roll your eyes
Search the fridge, stare at screens
Try to get some some new routines
Don't got much to do
- Excuse me.
But doing fine
- Ah, word.
Looking for a way to pass the time
- Hey!
Out about, wandering
Kicking cans, sauntering
How are you
Doing great
(glass clinking)
(cat yowl)
Sorry friend, can't relate
Out of luck but never out of time
Not doing a lot
But doing fine
- [Woman On TV] I haven't
seen you in church lately
- [Man On TV] Well, not much
sense in my going to church
- Hey man!
- [Trevor] Amy!
What's good?
- I'm looking for one
of those weed vape pens.
Like, the kill your lungs kind.
Clover said it won't really kill my lungs,
that it's the government or something.
- Yeah, yeah, it probably
is the government.
I tell ya, I'd be outraged
with the state of things
if I voted or paid taxes.
- Ditto.
"Night of the Living Dead?"
- Yeah, I'm trying to watch
every version of it in existence.
This is the blue version
on account of the blue tint
that is over the whole movie.
- Nice, man.
- They're coming to get you Barbra.
- That line has never been more true.
- How so?
- Zombies are just a metaphor
for society, you know?
Stuck looking at their cell phones.
And by "they" I also mean the government,
who are also looking at their cell phones.
And that is why I do
not have a cell phone.
- Wasn't this movie made
in the '60's or something?
- Eh, they knew what they were doing.
- So, the weed pen?
You got one?
- Oh, yeah.
I usually don't carry them, actually.
But my dealer had this one that
he said was really intense.
He said it will give you
serious marijuana minutes.
- Cool man.
Mind if I give 'er a test rip?
- Sure, be my guest.
Try it up, fry it up!
Sure, be my guest.
Try it up, fry it up!
- It's good!
- It is!
Try it!
Sure, be my guest.
Try it up, fry it up!
- You okay, Trev?
- Yeah, you okay?
- Yeah, just, really high, I guess.
How much for this?
- For you?
I can't charge my best customer.
- That's cool, man.
I only have seven bucks.
- Dayum, girl.
Get a job!
- I'm working on it!
(door knocking)
- [Trevor's Mom] Honey!
- Yes Mama?
- [Trevor's Mom] Are you okay?
- Yes, Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] Are you hungry?
- No Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] Is your friend hungry?
- No Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] You're good then, honey?
- Yes Mama!
We're so good Mama!
That was my mom.
- I got that.
- We're real close, you know.
Especially since Dad left.
(Trevor hyperventilating)
- Well, I should get back to it.
- Cool man, I'll see you later!
- I'll be here!
Oh, now it's more green.
(suspenseful music)
- Clover?
- You asked the guy interviewing you out?
- I don't know, I figured, he's got a job.
He seems like a good judge of character.
- How so?
- He didn't hire me.
- Mm, that was a good call. (laughs)
- Can I have some chicken?
- No.
- Just one piece?
- Mm-mm.
You get chicken when you have a job.
You get wonton soup when you
mooch off your best friend.
- Just one piece?
- Agh, Jesus.
Fine, you adorable little gremlin.
(Amy growls)
- Oh, I made you a Kindling account.
- What is that?
- The dating app.
To get you laid.
- When did you have time to do that?
- [Woman] Red light.
Red light!
Red light!
- Multitasking.
- So what do you do?
- Swipe right on everyone.
It's a numbers game.
Then ask them out, somewhere public.
So you can make sure their
not trying to bone you
figuratively instead of literally.
- Oh, I got a match!
- Mazel.
- Ah, what next?
- Mm, be charming as hell.
- (burps) Okay. (laughs)
- Also, you can borrow this.
It's for dates.
For slashing nuts if they get rapey
or start talking about politics.
- How many nuts have you had to slash?
- Had to?
Maybe three.
- Three guys?
- Three nuts, two guys.
- [Justin] Rent's due in two days.
It's supposed to be 150.
- And you were supposed to fix her sink,
but the water still looks like
it was imported from Flint.
It's undrinkable.
- I'm probably ill.
- She's probably ill.
(stomach gurgling)
(farts)
- That'll be okay.
- Thanks.
- I'm adding it to your tab.
- Hey, I mean, praying's for church, huh?
Come on.
- [Barbara] I haven't
seen you in church lately.
- Well, not much sense
in my going to church.
Do you remember one time
when we were small we were out here.
I jumped out at you from behind the tree
and Grandpa got all excited
and he shook his fist at me
and he said, "Boy, you'll
be damned to hell."
Remember that?
Right over there.
Well you used to really be scared here.
- Johnny.
- You're still afraid.
- [Barbara] Stop it now, I mean it.
- [Johnny] They're coming
to get you Barbara!
(audio playing in reverse)
They're coming to get you Barbara.
(audio playing in reverse)
They're coming to get you Barbara.
- What in the weed?
- Stop it!
You're ignorant!
- They're coming for you, Barbara!
- Stop it, you're acting like a child!
(audio playing in reverse)
- They're coming to get
you Barbara! (giggles)
- [Barbara] Stop it!
(audio playing in reverse)
- They're coming to get you-
- [Amy And Johnny] Barbara!
(Amy laughs)
- [Barbara] Stop it!
You're ignorant!
- [Johnny] They're
coming for you, Barbara!
- [Barbara] Stop it,
you're acting like a child!
- Barbara, dumb bitch
(thunder crashing)
(upbeat music)
- Hey!
- Yeah?
- I'm sorry, but this is for science.
- What the heck.
(audio reversing)
- Yeah?
Jesus!
(audio reversing)
Yeah?
- Nothing.
- All right.
It's one piece.
(upbeat music)
Baby go down, baby go down
(audio playing in reverse)
Swing it around, swing it around
Annoying punk, bam
Made him, hey, cool it kid
Smoke on the brain, smoke on the brain
Car in the frame, car in the frame
Man's got calves, damn
Car door slam
- Mm-hm.
Hm.
We're gonna need more
dirt on the west trail.
Bad dirt here.
Real bad dirt.
- Hey!
- Hi.
- You testing the dirt?
- Every day.
Can't actually smoke here, ma'am.
- Why?
You gonna arrest me?
- No.
But I could write you a
ticket or call the police.
- Yeah?
'Cause you're a little narc?
- It's not that I mind.
You know, it might
surprise you, I've partook
in the partaking of nature's
fine green grass myself,
but I took an oath when I took this job.
A solemn oath to protect these trees.
So please, don't light the joint,
before I have to do something drastic.
(suspenseful music)
(lighter clicking)
(radio static)
(suspenseful music)
(music abruptly stops)
We've got a 10-420 on the
west trail by the bad dirt.
That's a code red.
(audio reversing)
- Okay.
Whatever you say, Mr. Park Ranger.
(suspenseful music)
(Park Ranger gasping)
- Ga-ya-ya!
You are no match for me.
Ya!
(door knocking)
Hello?
I'm busy.
- Hey Trev.
- Oh, hey Sphen, you wanna take a VR run?
- Yeah, I do.
I do want to.
But I can't.
- Why not man?
- Well, you know that
guy I buy my stuff from,
Sleezy Evan, that I sell to you?
Well apparently he's pissed
because he was supposed to keep
that stuff safe for Dirty Lizzy,
who was supposed to bring
it to Big Bad Ramon,
really nice guy, who was
gonna bring it down to Mexico
to Blast 'Em Up Maria.
But then I went and I sold it to you.
- Whoa.
I had no idea the supply
chain had so many steps.
- Yeah, well, Dirty Lizzy went to school
for supply chain management.
I think that's why it runs so smoothly.
Until now.
- Well, I still have pretty
much everything you sold me
in that box.
You want some?
- No, it's cool.
I brought my own.
- Oh dude, man, dude.
It's not here!
- What?
- [Sphen] Did you sell that vape pen?
- Oh, yeah, I did.
- Oh, so apparently I need that back.
- Yeah, it's sold amigo.
- Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Not cool cool, but cool cool.
To whomst exactly did you sell it?
- To who whomst?
- With whom did you partake
in the selling of it?
- Oh, to Amy.
She lives over on Irwin Place.
The basement of the house with the roof.
- Oh, the one with that door.
- Yeah, yeah, nice door.
- Shit door.
- Well, yeah, shit door, but nice.
- Yeah, no doubt.
Okay, cool.
Everything is gonna be fine.
- Oh good, I was worried it wasn't!
- Yeah just, you know, stay here, relax.
- I'm great at relaxing.
- And tell your friend she
has nothing to worry about.
She's completely safe.
There's no harm that's
gonna come to her at all.
There's no problem with anything.
I mean, in fact, if
anything, she's better now
than she was before.
I'm pretty sure that
like, she's gonna be able
to go on vacation or something.
(ominous music)
(phone ringing)
- Sleezy here, how are ya?
- Hi Sleezy, it's Sphen.
Listen, my boy Trevor sold the
pen that you said not to sell
to his boy Amy.
- Well drats, Sphen.
That is a bit of a pickle.
Let me patch in Big Bad
Ramon and Dirty Lizzy.
(classical music)
(phone buzzing)
- Big Bad Ramon here, how may I help you?
(phone ringing)
- Dirty Lizzy, what's up?
- Lizzy, is that you?
- Ramon!
So good to hear your voice!
- Guys, I hate to be the breaker upper
of fun reconnective conversation
but we've got ourselves a pickle here!
- Oh, what happened?
- Hi all, it's Sphen.
- [All] Hi Sphen!
- I really screwed the pooch, you guys.
- The first step is to take a
deep breath and just breathe.
(all breathing)
Now, tell us what happened.
- Well, I sold that pen that
wasn't supposed to be sold!
- Oh dear.
I think I know the one.
Blast 'Em Up Maria
really wanted that back.
- I know.
I'm the worst!
- Guys, let's lay off Sphen, okay?
He made an honest mistake.
And really this is all of our mistake.
- You're absolutely right.
No one is to blame.
The first step, is to breathe.
- I think we should all breathe.
(all breathing)
Okay.
Now, Sleezy Evan, as the middle manager
of this supply chain, why
don't you manage this problem?
- Oh, ab-so-lute-ly!
I will get that pen back, at all cost.
Unless she says no, and I can't.
- Sphen, you tell him where
he can find your boy's boy
and we'll see if Sleezy can handle it.
- Okie doke!
- Let's all just breathe.
(all breathing)
(doorbell ringing)
Oh, that's my piano teacher, guys.
Let me know how it goes pals!
- [All] Bye Ramon!
- Good luck, Sleezy!
- Good luck!
(ominous music)
- Once again, it's up to me.
Sleezy Evan.
(phone buzzing)
(upbeat music)
- Amy?
- Dante?
- That's me!
- You are a handsome young man.
- Well thank you!
Oh, and I'm not going to objectify you
by saying anything about
you're outward appearance.
- Thanks!
I think.
So, where's this Tapas place?
- It's actually right
down the street from here.
This Albanian couple opened
up a Cuban-Korean fusion tapas place
right on their back patio!
It's called Teeny Tiny Tapas Terrace.
- Sounds niche'.
- Very.
Shall we?
- Yeah.
- Consent to hold your hand?
- Yeah, sure.
- So, have you lived in
this part of New Jersey
all your life?
- No, I'm from down south,
like, pine barrens south.
- All right, so do you
have your own place?
- I have my own basement, yeah.
- Your own basement?
(audio reversing)
- Yeah, I have my own place.
- Cool.
I actually just moved into a
new place down by the river.
It's the lofts.
- Oh, what is...
- Oh, do you know what you want?
- Whatever you get.
Just no peanuts.
- Adventurous!
Okay, we'll have the Vaca Frita Bulgogi,
the Bibimbap Relleno, Arroz con Mandu,
the Jap Chae de Moros and a side of fries.
No peanuts.
- Wow, that sounded like you
really pronounced it all right.
- That's because I did.
No need to double check.
- So, what do you do, Dante?
- Me?
Oh no, no, no, we shouldn't talk about me.
That would be such a show
of toxic masculinity.
We should talk about you.
What do you do?
- I'm looking for a job at the moment.
- [Dante] Oh, what did you do before?
- Uh, you know, just like,
fart around and shit.
- You fart and shit?
- No, like, you know, like,
just like, fart around.
Doing like random shit.
And like, hang on.
(audio reversing)
I'm an entrepreneur.
- [Dante] Cool.
- Yeah.
- [Dante] What do you do?
- Sorry, I'm just like
really high right now.
- You're high?
- Balls.
(audio reversing)
Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today.
- [Dante] You know, may I
speak of myself for a moment?
- Please.
- Thank you.
- So, I've been feeling
out of it too lately.
I mean, I think any rational citizen
would be feeling out of it.
You'd have to be crazy not to be feeling
a little taken advantage of
in this political climate.
And I don't mean crazy as in mentally ill.
I would never mean that.
Good?
- [Amy] Huh?
- Was the Arroz con Mandu good?
- Oh yeah, totally.
Very satisfying.
- They don't call it Teeny
Tiny Tapas for nothing!
- Yeah, who would ever
need more than that?
- Smaller portions actually
help save the environment.
Food waste is one of the
number one contributors
to our dying ecosystem.
One third of the land we use to grow crops
is used on wasted food!
There shouldn't be a hunger problem,
there should be an obesity problem.
- Word.
- I'm sorry!
I feel like I'm usurping the conversation.
Tell me something else about yourself.
- Uh, my best friend
Clover is an Uber driver.
- That's interesting!
- Mm-hm, it's like really good,
that women can be Uber drivers.
- [Dante] Yeah, definitely.
- Cool.
- [Dante] Cool.
- Cool.
- [Dante] Cool, cool.
- Jesus Christ.
This tiny food is really driving me nuts.
Why is it so tiny?
- Well, it helps prevent
our ecosystem from-
- It's bullshit man.
Okay?
This, this is all bullshit.
Oh my god I'm too high for this.
- You're high?
- I can't go back in
time any more man, sorry.
You're just gonna have to deal with
that I'm really high right now.
- What are you high on?
Because if it's not anticipation then-
- Food waste!
I take your food, I take
it and I drink it up!
It's mine now!
It's mine!
Num, num, num, num, num.
Mine!
You think you're the prophet?
You think you're the food waste prophet?
Think again, my boy.
We should put you in a jar.
We should put you in a
jar and we should poke you
and prod you and make sure
that whatever is left of
your body is sustainable
for the rest of the environment.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
(Amy screaming)
(Dante screaming)
(siren wailing)
(mellow music)
So I scared him, he fell
over, split his head open
and then asked for a
to-go container for me
to prevent food waste.
- Brother, much respect
for making a scene.
I honestly love it.
- I kinda loved it too.
But I also loved his kind eyes.
And I feel bad about the
whole head splitting thing.
- Those weren't kind eyes,
those were douchebag eyes
hiding behind layers of
narcissism fueled activism.
- I don't know, he seemed pretty genuine.
- Every kind deed is fueled
by self gratification.
Therefore, the only truly
selflessly kind thing
someone can do would have
to be done anonymously
for someone that person hates.
- That's real negative thinking.
- Yeah, don't you love it.
- Oh, and also, my weed pen
can send me back in time.
- Dope.
Real good stuff?
- No, well yes, it's very good stuff.
But it can also literally
send me back in time.
- So what, you give Abe
Lincoln the old what now?
- No, it only sends you back
for as long as you can hit it.
- This a bit?
- No!
I'm serious, wait.
- You got this from Trevor?
Are you sure he didn't accidentally
give you something else?
Do they make mescaline pens?
- I don't think so.
- Bummer.
- I don't think anything happened.
- Wait, let me say something
so you have a point of reference.
Butts!
- Nothing.
- Okay wait, let me say something
so you have a point of reference.
Butts!
- Nothing.
- I swear it works!
- Eh, maybe it does.
Drugs don't really affect me.
- I watch you snort dirty
snowflakes on a weekly basis.
- For the aesthetic.
- Is it unethical to travel
back in time to trick a guy
into thinking I'm his dream
girl so I can ride the dong?
- Yeah, and it's super cool.
Do it.
Just don't use that pen for
something I wouldn't do!
- What wouldn't you do?
- I don't know, help someone?
- Cool, cool.
Tight, tight.
I won't help anyone.
- I've got eyes on her.
She's outside the house.
- She seems to really like
Chinese food, and weed.
I'll make my move tonight.
(suspenseful music)
(door creaking)
You have something that
doesn't belong to you.
(thunder crashing)
- What, Justin?
(thunder crashing)
- No, it's not Justin.
It's Sleezy Evan.
- Um, it's your worst nightmare!
Yeah.
- Huh, okay.
Well, you're actually trespassing
so I'd appreciate it if you left.
- Right now?
- Yes, please.
- All right, fine.
But I wasn't gonna do
anything creepy or weird,
I just really need that vape pen.
- Oh, I don't have it.
- You don't?
- Nope.
- Oh, geez.
This must be one big misunderstanding.
I'm so sorry.
- Ah, don't worry about it.
Just lock the door on the
inside before you leave.
- Okay.
All right.
(thunder crashing)
For your troubles.
- Dope!
- I'll see you later!
And when I said I'll see you later,
I meant that colloquially.
I will not actually be back later!
(thunder crashes)
(phone ringing)
- You get it?
- You know, it was the darnedest thing!
She didn't even have it!
- Are you sure?
- Sure as heck!
She told me.
- Who?
- The girl herself.
- Sleezy.
- Yes ma'am?
- Of course the girl is going
to say she doesn't have it.
- She is?
- Yes.
Because she wants to keep it.
- Wait.
So she lied?
She lied to my face?
- People lie, Sleezy.
I'm sorry honey.
- I can't believe this.
I mean, you think you know somebody.
You think the world is generally
filled with good people
who try to do the right thing.
This nice girl up and lies
to her drug dealer's, drug
dealer's, drug dealer.
- Calm down, Sleezy.
- How am I supposed to calm down?
- It's okay.
- It's not!
- Go home, get some sleep.
I'll call Big Bad Ramon.
He'll know what to do.
- You know, I just think
I, I think I just need
some serious rest and relaxation.
- You do, you earned it bubba.
- I did.
- Go get some sleep.
- He broke into your house?
- Well, I forgot to lock the door.
So it was less of a break
in and more of a walk in.
- If I find out who it was...
- Oh, I think it was
one of Trevor's friends.
But it's all good.
- Oh, that god damned little weasel!
Give me that fork.
- What?
- Give me the fork.
I'm gonna shove this fork in his ass,
I'm gonna twirl it around,
I'm gonna get a few hairs.
I'm gonna shove the hairs in his ear,
I'm gonna twirl that around,
I'm gonna feed it to his mom.
- Oh my God!
(glass shattering)
(cat yowls)
- All right, cucks.
Who's going to explain
why my sweet baby girl Amy
got harassed by some sleazy creep?
- Sup?
- Hey, Amy.
- Hey, Trev!
- Hey, cut that out!
I have questions you appropriating bitch!
- How in the world is this appropriation?
I'm just paying Ho-mage to
cultures I think are groovy.
- You're manipulating a
culture to suit your own needs.
Multiple cultures, really.
- Is loving a culture so much
that you get a kick ass tattoo
of Buddha eating a taco
to show how much you
love tacos appropriation?
Oh wait, it is.
My life is a farce.
- Listen up, jokers.
Some dude creeped into
Amy's basement last night
looking for that weed pen.
- Oh no, I worried this would happen.
Look, Clover, it's
really out of my control.
I'm the low man on the
proverbial totem pole.
- Hey, appropriation.
- I'm the low man on
the American flag pole.
- And Sphen?
- I'm the second lowest.
I got no say in what the higher ups do.
- Look, I'll talk to Sleezy Evan,
see if I can get him to bury the hatchet.
(Sphen clears throat)
Bury the gun?
- If I find out anyone is after
this adorable little creature,
I'll kill them, and then you,
and then you, and then you
again after I revive you.
- It's cool, Clover.
I think I handled it pretty well.
- Yeah, chill!
- So help me, I will tell your
mother you're a drug dealer.
- Mama?
- Yeah.
Yours too!
- Well, jokes on you.
Because my mom's very dead.
I miss her a lot.
(phone vibrating)
- Shit.
I gotta go.
You two clowns better fix this!
Coke.
- Is she okay?
She seems upset.
- She's just worried.
Some people give hugs,
Clover threatens people.
- I'll see what I can do.
But, really, they're all harmless.
- Did you finish all the "Night
of the Living Dead" films?
- I did!
I'm now on to watching all
the student film remakes.
Some of them are really innovative,
but most of them have terrible sound
and are really not innovative.
(phone vibrating)
- Hmm.
Just this dating app that I've been using.
Some guy just asked me out.
- Hey okay!
Gonna get a little action, yeah?
- I don't know.
He seems kinda bro-ish.
- Salmon pants!
I tell ya, if I owned
a sweet pair of chinos,
I can say with 100% confidence
they would not be salmon.
- It can't hurt to try though, right?
Free drink.
- That's a winning attitude m'lady.
- He wants to meet in
Highlands though, ugh.
- I gotcha covered.
Lemme see if we can
borrow Mama's hatchback.
Ma ma!
We need to borrow your car!
A friend in need requires assistance!
- [Trevor's Mom] You're
such a good boy, Trev-Trev!
- Thank you ma-mama!
I got pants in the car, let's roll.
- You good to drive?
- Yeah, I'm basically sober.
- Hey dad...
- So, I know that guys like it when girls
make the first move
sometimes, so I was wondering
if you had any advice for
maybe how to do that, maybe?
- Oh, sure.
So most people, they go for a kiss,
they go straight for the cheek, right?
But what men really love is
when you give them a little kiss
on the forehead and a boop on the nose.
(Amy giggling)
- Okay, I'll remember that.
- Remember it.
Grown men love it when
you boop them on the nose.
- Grown men love it when
you boop them on the nose.
- Anyway, here she is.
Not sure why they call it a hatchback,
but it does have this big, weird trunk.
- Well, looks like some sort of hatch.
- Damn it.
All right.
- Okay.
- There we go.
- Five, six, seven, eight.
(both singing)
- Mama loves gnomes.
She orders them in bulk
from this Armenian artist.
- She really likes the banana ones.
- Yeah, they're her favorite.
- What's your mom do for a living?
- No idea, never asked!
- She has a job though right?
- (laughs) I'm really not sure.
Maybe she's also a
deadbeat that sells drugs!
- You're not a deadbeat.
- Oh, it's okay.
I'm very comfortable being a deadbeat.
We can calls it likes it is's.
- No, I mean, you're not a deadbeat.
You're more like a no-good-nick
or a ne'er-do-well.
Deadbeats have no source of income.
No-good-nicks and
ne'er-do-wells do something
with themselves, it's just frowned upon.
- Huh.
Never thought about it like that.
Ne'er-do-well.
I like that one.
- I'm a deadbeat.
But I'm trying to reform,
become a lay-about.
You know, someone who has a job
but they just really don't give a shit.
- Well, it's nice to have aspirations.
So where we goin'?
I've just been rolling that way.
- Oh, yeah, an address would help!
- [Trevor] All right, we are cruising.
- [Amy] All right,
five, six, seven, eight.
(both singing)
Thanks for the lift, man.
- Oh, no problemo!
And remember, have a good time.
I'll see ya soon, okay?
- Dope.
- All right, be safe!
Do drugs!
Wash your hands!
Don't talk to ugly strangers.
Here we go.
Oh, not good.
All right, all right.
Everybody, stop.
All right, I'm coming that way.
Oh, oh, that's not good.
(upbeat music)
- Chad?
- Hey, ah, Amy.
Yeah, hey, thanks for coming.
Ah, I'm sorry, just give me a second.
I know, bad date etiquette.
I just gotta lock in my fantasy line up.
- Oh, no worries.
I already locked in mine.
- You have a fantasy team?
- Yeah, it's Wonder Woman, Gandalf,
Judy Dench and Elizabeth Warren.
And my kicker's Air Bud.
- (laughs) Yeah that's,
that's not fantasy!
- Yeah, you're right, Gandalf
could never be in fantasy.
- Never heard of the guy, but I doubt it!
Drink?
- Sure.
- Excuse me!
Hello?
Yes, can we get a drink for the fine lady?
Thank you!
- So, uh, tell me about your
fantasy team or whatever.
- Well, you're gonna love this!
So my boy Donny forfeit first
round pick and it goes to me,
and everyone knows that
first round pick was 100%
gonna be Da-Brumbrick Shenquallin.
The guy ran 750 yards in one season.
- Huh.
Da-brumbrick, good call.
- Yeah, yeah.
And, you know, he's just the
base, the consistency pick.
My true golden boy is Daryl Strawberry.
The guy's been running
yards since he was 19!
He's got more sacks and
tacks than Brad Mannling.
And when you're yardin', you're yardin'.
And that guy yards it!
He hoofs it down that turf
like a yardin' man should.
Boy does he yard it.
He just keeps yardin'
and yardin' and yardin'.
Charge it on his yard card.
- I see her.
She's on a date.
- [Ramon] I think we can
use this to our advantage.
- Well then, we'll just have
to make you a profile she cannot resist.
(fart)
(water bubbling)
- So, do you have a favorite team?
- Oh, shit.
Sorry, didn't think you'd ever
actually ask me a question.
What's up?
- A favorite team, do
you have a favorite team?
- What's your favorite team, Brad?
- It's Chad.
- Sure.
- I got to say, I love my Seabirds.
I'm a life long fan!
And did you know that the
Seabirds are 100% fan owned?
(audio reversing)
A favorite team, do you have one?
- Seabirds.
They're 100% fan owned
and for some reason,
that matters to me.
- You jokin' my ass?
Amy, I love the Seabirds!
- Ugh, I can't even fake this.
(audio reversing)
- A favorite team, do you have one?
- I don't really have a favorite team.
And I find you to be a real lump of cum.
- Wow.
- Oh, sorry, that was mean.
That was, that one was too mean.
(audio reversing)
- A favorite team, do you have one?
- I don't really have a favorite team.
Tell me all about the footballs.
- Well, sports, sports,
sports, sports, sports.
Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports,
Sports, sports, sports, sports, sport.
Sports, sports, sports, sports, sport.
Sports, sports, sports,
sports, sports, sports, sports.
Sports, (coughing) sports, sports, sports.
- Hey, someone call 911,
I think this guy's having a stroke.
- Oh, word!
- [Chad] Sports, sports.
- I'm really sorry about your friend.
- It's the way he would have wanted to go.
(siren wailing)
(melancholic music)
So then he has an aneurysm,
he falls to the ground
and splits his head open.
Here I was thinking that this would all
be accompanied by a warm meal.
Then the ambulance came,
but it was already too late.
- Yo!
I love your dating life.
Everybody gets their heads split open.
- Yeah, well, whatever.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- You're not bummed about those dates
not working out, are you?
- A little.
- Brother, you're the fuckin' best.
And those turds can't even
keep their heads unspilt.
They're not worthy and
you'll find someone to bone
who's better than those jabronis.
- Well, what if I want something more
than just a quick bone?
- Gross, why?
- I don't know!
I was just thinking, maybe it'd be nice
to have someone to do
nothing with all day.
- You got me!
- Yeah, I know.
- Yo.
This is romantic A.F.
- You wanna just chug these?
- Let's just do it, babe.
- Looking for a woman with no
job who likes Chinese food.
- Good, good!
Needs more.
- Mention weed.
- I enjoy participating in 420 activities.
- And say that you like to lie to tall
Art Garfunkel types who you've
never seen or met before.
- Little on the nose, Sleezy.
- Okay, well, I saw on her Facebook page
that she likes 90's style hip hop.
So maybe you could work that in there?
- Yeah, I'd call up my boy, Sushi Mane,
and maybe set up a date
at a recording studio?
- Interesting.
- So how bout this, looking for a sex,
no strings attached,
just the sex, real easy.
- That's good!
Do we know her mission is to get laid?
- I think so.
- Are you sure?
I don't think we have that information
at this point in the script.
- Yeah, maybe not.
- This whole thing is pretty low stakes.
I don't think it matters.
- Okay, why don't we just
add a little flashback here
where Sleezy overhears
that little tid bit?
- Exciting!
Director?
- This thing has really
gone off the rails.
My vision is a shade of what it once was.
Do what you will.
(radio tuning in)
- [Amy] I just want to get
laid, no strings attached,
just the sex.
Real easy.
- So she wants the sex.
- Now, make sure you upload
at least four pictures,
otherwise you're gonna look like a bot.
- Oh, and you can call yourself Ramon!
Oh, that's your name already.
- Yeah, how bout Raymond?
- I like it.
Big Bad Ramon is about
to become Sexy Raymond.
- You know, before I waste
this whole magic pen stuff,
maybe I should use it
to try and get a job.
- What, like, interview hacking?
- Yeah.
Is that, like, crossing a line?
- Nah, no way.
My mom got all her jobs
by lying on her resume
and putting her friend's
numbers down as references.
(phone buzzing)
God damn it.
A stupid customer.
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
(engine revving)
- I didn't do an Uber pool.
- Yeah, this is my intern.
Now kindly shut it.
- So Yeah, you think I
should time travel my way
into a low income job?
- Hell yeah, brother.
- Um, are you fucking kidding me?
- What?
- Listen to a podcast or something, creep!
- I don't have any headphones.
- Enjoy, bitch.
(punk metal music)
(brakes squealing)
- If you don't give me five
stars, I'll come murder you.
(fire crackling)
- It's gonna be a new me, a whole new me.
A me who doesn't ever appropriate.
A me who appreciates other
cultures by respecting them.
(didgeridoo booming)
- Hey, ladies!
How goes it?
- Hey, yo, yo, it goes well.
- How'd the date go?
- Amy killed him.
- Terrific.
- We don't know that!
He could still be alive.
- His brain bled out.
- He had like an aneurysm or something.
- Amy made his dumb brain bleed.
- You guys want some bud?
Or the booger sugar?
- Nah, Amy asked if we could stop by.
Probably to mooch some
weed while we pretend
to like hanging out with you guys.
- Fine by me.
- [Trevor's Mom] Trev-Trev?
- Yes Mama?
- [Trevor's Mom] I brought
you some pitzi rollies.
- Thank you Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] Thank
you for being my son.
So who are you friends?
- This is Sphen, my business partner.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh, it's you Sphen!
I remember you, hello.
- Hi Miss Pikowitz.
- And this is Clover.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh, hello Clover.
It's nice to meet you.
Your name is so beautiful.
- Pleasure's mine.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh, no no, allow me.
- [Trevor] And this is Amy.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh!
This is Amy?
Oh my God, she's beautiful.
She's a beautiful young lady.
- It's nice to meet you.
- [Trevor's Mom] Goodbye everyone.
- [Trevor] Goodbye Mama.
- [Trevor's Mom] I love you, Trev-Trev.
- I love you too, Mama.
- [Trevor's Mom] I love
you more than anyone.
I love you more than life itself.
- Not more than I love you, Mama.
- [Trevor's Mom] I really do love you.
- You gotta chill!
With this whole weird mom
relationship you got going on.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, you're practically
still dangling off her nips.
- Nah.
No, we're just a close family, is all.
You know, since dad left.
Come on Trevor.
(Trevor sobbing)
So when's the next date?
- Oh, I don't know if this
whole online thing is for me.
- Ah, bap, bap, the best
things happen in threes,
like Musketeers or celebrity deaths.
Maybe one more shot.
- [Amy] Maybe.
- If it doesn't work out,
I could buy you a jiggalo or some shit.
- Oh, that's a good friend.
(upbeat music)
- Knock knock!
- You know I didn't
give you the job, right?
- Yes, but I thought I
could interview again,
business casual style.
- Sweatpants?
- It's business up top, casual down low.
Besides, you guys are just
sitting at desks anyway.
I mean, who's gonna notice?
- I already gave the position away.
- Just please, for practice.
I'm trying.
- Okay, two minutes.
But then you leave and
I never see you again.
- Deal.
- Well?
- Oh, do we start?
Yes.
- Okay, shit.
Hang on a second.
(audio reversing)
- And I never see you again.
- Deal.
I'm a hard worker, I'll show up on time,
and I will dedicate my
life to this company.
- A little overdramatic.
- Those your kids?
- Yes.
- What are their names?
- Brian and Adam.
- Brian and Adam?
Brian and Adam.
And your wife?
- Jessica.
Hey, you know, this is
getting a little weird.
(audio reversing)
A little overdramatic.
- Yeah, maybe.
But we don't we have to be overdramatic?
Okay, listen, in the game of business,
which is the game of life,
we have to be dramatic.
I mean, for instance,
if you lost your job,
what would happen to little Brian or Adam?
Or your lovely wife Jessica?
- Excuse me?
- You need a job to support them, right?
- Is that a threat or something?
- No.
Hey man, that wasn't what I was-
- How do you know my wife and kids names?
- No, I wasn't...
Well, that's harder to explain.
- [Jason] Get out!
- Okay.
- Just get out!
- I, I didn't.
I'm sorry!
I think that jobs just aren't for me.
- You went to the same place!
- Yeah, and somehow it
went worse this time.
- Of course it did!
You need a job at like
some boujee ass coffee shop
where your lackluster work ethic
will be mistaken for character.
- You're right.
Could probs get free coffee too.
(phone vibrating)
- Oh hey, I got another match.
- What's his bio?
- Says 4/20 friendly, gainfully employed
and will buy you Chinese food.
Up and coming 90's style hip hop artist.
- Cool.
I won't have to buy you
Chinese if you date this chode.
He cute?
- He's cute.
- Message him.
I'll drive you to bonetown.
- Okay.
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
- Hey.
- What's up?
- He gets weird, you text me SOS
and I'll come bring my axe
and slice his nuts off.
- Cool, cool.
- And I brought my dull one today,
so it'll be especially fun.
- Dope!
How do I look?
- Like a beautiful baby angel.
- Is that a good thing?
- Yes, duh.
- Okay
Go get 'em tigress.
(car starting)
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
(glass breaking)
(cat yowl)
- She's here, mask on!
She's here!
Mask on!
- Hey!
I'm Amy.
- Hey yourself.
- You Raymond?
- Nope.
- You're not?
- I mean, yes.
I am Raymond.
I thought you said Ramon.
I've never been a Ramon,
big and bad or otherwise.
- Uh, cool?
Can I come in?
- Yeah, of course!
So you're just in time
for our recording session.
It's kind of like a Beastie
Boys, Backstreet Boys,
Beach Boys collab, all the boys.
Yeah, so do you like, um,
'90's, '90's style hop-hop?
- I do!
- Yeah?
- Uh, who's that?
- That's my producer, Sushi Mane.
- Sushi Mane?
- Yeah.
We have, uh, Chinese Food.
- Oh, cool.
I'm good for now.
- All right, cool, cool.
Hey, you know what I always
love for a recording session?
Hit a vape pen.
Do you have one?
- Uh, no.
- Cool, cool, tight, tight,
Sushi Mane, drop that beat.
(hip hop music)
Uh.
Uh.
My name is Big Bad Ra-Raymond
But I ain't playin'.
I'm always a hippin', a hoppin'
But I never be a-droppin' that beat
I grew up in the hood,
raised on the streets
A nice sunny suburban street
But it wasn't always great
Because my mom never says she loves me
Because my mom never says she loves me
My mom never says she loves me
- Uh, I think Sushi Mane needs you.
- Okay, I'll be right back.
- [Evan] What's going on, Buddy?
- I was rapping from the heart,
and I realized some things.
- [Evan] Aw, come on man.
You know your mom loves you!
She got you that Xbox for Christmas.
- But that's just the thing.
She always gave me things
as a substitute for love.
- [Evan] Come here.
No, it's okay.
You're gonna go back out there, okay?
You got this.
- Sushi Mane, drop the beat.
Christmas time, best time of the year
All of your family from far and near
Come together to celebrate Jesus
But the thing about family
is boy does my mom suck
(bike horn squeaking)
(brakes squealing)
- Get out!
Get out!
Upper class, middle class,
it doesn't even matter
You can still have a
bad mother or father
- (sobbing) I hate my mom, okay?
Just, just give me the weed pen.
- Oh, shit.
(Ramon shrieks)
- Uh!
(audio reversing)
- I hate my mom, okay?
Just give me the vape pen.
(Ramon cries)
- Fuck!
- [Evan] Excuse you!
Oh Raymond, oh dear.
- [Amy] I'm never gonna get laid!
- [Evan] Right in the leg,
do you know how much blood is in the leg?
A lot, probably!
This guys is dead, okay?
He's dead meat.
- [Ramon] What?!
- Nobody messes with my nice, sweet boys.
- Trevor!
I have to go to your place!
Your dealer pals are after me!
- [Evan] Okay, okay, you're gonna be okay.
- I'm gonna be okay?
- [Evan] Ah-huh, it's just
an itty bitty flesh wound.
- [Ramon] Itty bitty.
- [Evan] Oh, no, no, no.
Oh no.
- Go on without me.
- [Evan] I'm not leaving my
best friend in the cold to die.
- Best friend?
- [Evan] Number one, buddy.
- It's so cold.
- It's warm in here.
- [Ramon] I see a bright light.
- No, no, don't go into the light.
- [Ramon] It's so bright, beautiful.
All my family's there.
Even mom.
- Stay away from the light.
- [Ramon] I didn't know she died.
- You're gonna stay with me, okay?
You're gonna stay right here.
I just need to get this knife out.
- [Ramon] I forgive you, mommy.
- Ah, god, oh.
- [Ramon] That feels good.
- Oh God, oh, I was wrong.
I was so wrong.
- [Ramon] Mama?
- I'm gonna put it back in, okay?
- [Ramon] Mama?
- Ramon?
Ramon?
(Evan crying)
(brakes screeching)
(horn honking)
- Ow.
- Just for the record, I don't think
it's very appropriate for
you to appropriate those.
- We can discuss that later.
- I just think that-
- Later!
We need to protect Amy.
- Bingo.
- I'll use my non-appropriative
broom poke action.
- Oh yeah, that's it.
The thrust, that's what
it's about, the thrust.
Amy!
We're here to help.
(engine revving)
Catch your breath.
(brakes squealing)
- Good work Sphen, Sphen's guy.
- Oh, ah, we're actually here to stop you.
But I did not approve
of his weapon choice.
- Everybody just stay right where you are.
This thing's spring loaded
and hurts like a bitch.
(gun cocking)
- Ow!
- Whoa, hey!
Let's all just calm down.
- That's her!
That's the girl who killed Big Bad Ramon!
- Killed?
- You killed BBR?
- [Trevor] Sphen.
- Big Bad Ramon was the smallest,
least bad guy I know.
- I don't want to fight you, Sphen.
But I will!
(brakes squealing)
(metal crashing)
(cat yowl)
- Everyone back off Amy!
- It's like a real Mexican stand off here.
- Or as they would say in
Mexican culture, a stand off.
(suspenseful music)
- I didn't mean to kill him!
He lunged at me!
- He was working on his doctorate!
He was gonna change the world!
It was always his dream to
eradicate the common cold!
- Yeah, well, he wouldn't be
dead if you stumblebum cucks
didn't stalk and cat-fish Amy!
- I can fix this!
- And how, exactly, can you do that?
- The pen!
It can send me back!
- You know damn well it
doesn't work like that!
- I just have to hit it for long enough.
- He died like 20 minutes ago.
There's no chance.
- You'd have to hit it
for 19, no, 20 minutes!
- I have to try!
- Amy no!
You could end up really, really
sleepy and hungry or worse!
But,
we could hit it together.
Double the power, share the burden.
- Will that work?
- I don't know.
Lizzy?
- Fine!
But if it doesn't work,
you're handing over that pen.
- Amy, you say the word and
I'll rip this bitch's lungs out!
- No, no, not yet, Clover!
- There's so many paradoxes in play here.
My quantum physics degree
is really doing very little
for me in this situation.
I don't know if this could
maybe not work never once,
but I certainly think it
could maybe work once never.
Regardless,
Tricky
- You don't have to do this.
- Hey, I got you into this mess,
I gotta help you get out.
- Thank you.
- Ready?
- Ready.
- One two-
- Three, two-
- You just do it.
- Count down?
I'll do it?
- You just do it, yeah.
- Start from the top?
Okay.
- Okay, okay.
- Ten, nine-
- Three-
Oh, you went way up there.
All right, here we go.
- You just do it.
- All right, sure.
Three, two, one.
(audio reversing)
(thunder crashing)
(cat meowing)
- It was from right over there.
I jumped out at you from behind the tree.
And Grandpa got all excited
and shook his fist at me
and he said, "Boy, you'll
be damned to hell!"
Remember that?
Right over there.
You used to really be scared here.
- Johnny!
- You're still afraid.
- Stop it now, I mean it!
- They're coming, they're
coming, they're coming,
they're coming, they're
coming to get you Barbara,
Barbara, Barbara, Barbara,
Barbara, Barbara, Barbara.
They're coming to get you Barbara.
(audio reversing)
(cat yowl)
- Did we?
Oh. (laughs)
Oh no.
- We smocked the whole... (mumbling)
- Smocked the whole!
- [Amy] We wholed the smoke, uh, whole.
(Amy and Trevor laughing)
- What the hell is going on here?
- Interior Trevor's sun room.
Trevor lays down.
- Amy just appeared out of thin air.
And you guys are both really high.
Am I on drugs?
Drugs other than the usual ones?
- Here.
All done. (laughs)
(Amy retches)
(Trevor retches)
(all retching)
- I've never been stood
up by a girl before.
Well, except for my
mom, at soccer practice.
- Plenty other fish in the sea, bud.
- Plenty of moms in the sea too?
- Sure.
(Ramon and Evan sigh)
- Can we get ice cream?
- Yeah, we can.
(Ramon and Evan sigh)
- Well, looks like I'm
gonna have to make a call
to Blast 'Em Up Maria.
This isn't gonna be pretty.
(bright music)
- Clover?
- Whats up?
- How long was I asleep for?
- Looks like at least two days.
- Did we save Ramon?
Oh wait, if we did, you wouldn't know.
- You did.
I know because this is your
third time you've woken up
and told me about it,
only to go back to sleep.
- We did it!
- [Clover] You did.
I guess.
I'm not gonna lie, part of
me thinks you and Trevor
took some bad shrooms or something.
- No, it was real.
- Okay.
Well, I was just here
making sure you're okay.
You okay?
- Yeah.
I'm good, Clove.
- I'm gonna go make some cash.
We'll hang later.
- Oh, and Clover!
- Yeah?
- Thanks.
- You know I got your back, bitch.
But I'm adding $50 to your tab
for all the worry cigarettes I smoked
watching your high ass.
- (laughs) Yeah, that's fair.
I'll pay it back.
- Heard that one before!
- Trevor.
Trevor.
- Oh, what time is it?
- I don't know, but we
slept at least two days.
- Dayum.
Did you see that cat box?
And the other us us's?
- Yeah.
- Where was that?
Like, outer space or something?
- Some kind of dimensional rift I guess.
- Man, that was pretty cool.
- Hey, Trevor.
You know how I've been
going on those online dates
and they always either end
up cracking their heads open
or I stab them to death?
- Yeah.
- Well, I was thinking I'd
rather just hang with you.
- Oh, dope.
Yeah, you can always hang here.
- But the reason that I went
on those dates was to get laid.
And I still wanna get laid.
But I also wanna hang.
- Well, maybe we can go to the bar
or something and find someone.
- But I just said I wanna hang with you.
- Oh, yeah, you can hang.
- But I also want to have sex.
- Ah. I see.
You might like my cousin Timmy.
He is a little dweeb, but he's a nice boy.
- I want to hang and sex the same person.
- Timmy can hang.
- But I wanna hang with you.
- After Timmy?
- No, now.
- Before Timmy?
- No Timmy.
- Because he's a dweeb?
- I want to have sex with
you and then I wanna hang.
- Oh!
Like, me and you.
- Yeah.
Would you want that?
- To hang or have sex?
- Both.
- Yes.
- To both?
- To both, yes.
- Okay,
Cool, cool.
- We can do it in Mama's
hatchback if you want.
- I'd like that.
- Me too.
Mama!
We need to borrow your car!
She keeps it unlocked anyway.
(heavy breathing)
- [Amy] Is that good?
- [Trevor] Oh, yeah, yep.
It's all pretty good to me.
Is it good for you?
- [Amy] Oh yeah, it's pretty dope.
- [Trevor] Wanna hit this?
- [Amy] What, when did you light that?
- [Trevor] A couple minutes ago.
- [Amy] Ah, sweet, yeah, let me hit it.
(coughing)
- [Trevor] You okay?
- [Amy] (coughs) Yeah, just
joints always make me cough.
- [Trevor] Oh, true.
You know what, I'll ask my boy Sphen
to grab you a new weed pen.
- [Amy] Ah, dope!
Can it be a non-time-travel one?
- [Trevor] I'll ask.
I'm sure he can do that for you, though.
He owes us both one for
turning on us in that standoff.
- [Amy] Would he remember that?
- [Trevor] Oh, right, time travel.
No.
But he's easily convinced.
- [Amy] No doubt.
Just finished.
- [Trevor] Oh! Cool, me too.
- [Amy] Sweet.
Wanna get Chinese food?
- [Trevor] Sure.
Hand me your socks, Mama
doesn't want me leaving a mess.
(bright music)
- Hey, I'm here for the barista job.
- You're like four hours
late to your interview.
- Yeah, I slept in.
- That's cool.
We're all usually late.
- Oh, word?
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Would you say you generally give a shit.
- No, not really.
- Tight, cool.
- Cool, cool, tight, tight.
- Dope.
- Dope.
- Dope!
- All right, so I guess
I'll see you Monday.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
(bright music)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(Amy and Trevor singing)
- [Trevor] Guitar solo.
- [Amy] Oh, it's you, it's your solo.
It's your solo.
(Trevor imitating guitar)
(Amy laughing)
(Siren wailing)
(upbeat music)
(weights clinking)
(man muttering)
(alarm ringing)
I woke up Thursday, about one or two
I don't got anything,
got anything to do
I wanna brush my teeth,
I need information
Turn on the TV and radio station
The world's fucked,
ain't nothing left for me
Strung out on fast foods,
cigarettes, amphetamines
I think today I'll wear
a nice, white dress
Throw my hair in a tight perm press
I want a Cadillac Car
A Cadillac Car
A new hairdo
A new hairdo
I wanna go to work and
tell my boss "Fuck you!"
I wanna go to work and
tell my boss "Fuck you!"
- Hey! (laughs)
Hey.
A job?
Er, ah, hi, are you...
Are you jobbing?
Ah, hiring?
Oh, hey!
It's crazy.
This is the one.
You're the one.
You're the one.
You are so pretty.
You got this.
Hey. (laughs)
I'm, I'm... Amy
Hello, my future boss.
I'd like a job.
You got this.
I'll work on it on the way.
I shot a man 'cause
he looked at me wrong
I feel indifferent as I have all along
I said, I
I shot a man 'cause
he looked at me wrong
I told a bunch of
fucking lies in this song
I got a Cadillac Car
A Cadillac Car
A new hairdo
A new hairdo
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
- Don't bring that in here,
I actually have paying
customers to drive around.
Can't have you smoking up the car.
- Okay.
- [Clover] Let's go!
- [Amy] I'm gonna get a job today!
- [Clover] Let's hope so!
- [Amy] I'm gonna, I promise this time.
(upbeat music)
- Five dollars on your bill.
- Cool cool cool. (coughs)
- You gotta stop smoking, brother.
- You smoke.
- Yeah, and I'm not a gross phlegmy mess.
- Maybe I'll switch back to wax.
- Get a vape pen.
- Don't those cause, fuckin',
like, the black lung or somethin'?
- Yeah, if you believe the media.
- You don't?
- Hell no.
Big tobacco and big pharma want vapes dead
so they can keep selling
cigarettes and chemo juice.
- So vapes are safe?
- Nothing's safe, but you'll
stop smelling like an ash tray.
- You smell like an ash tray!
- Yeah but I rock it.
And I'm not going on interviews.
- Yeah.
- You look and smell
like a homeless person.
- It's a secretarial job
for a small IT company.
It's like nothing work.
- Is this the same outfit
you'd wear on a date?
- No?
Yes?
I don't know, it's been awhile.
- Job hunting is like
dating without the sex.
- I'd honestly rather have
the sex without the dating.
- Yeah, well, we'll get you laid later.
For now, go bone this interview.
I'll pick you up after
my next drive, ya idiot.
- Thanks.
- You got it, brother.
(bright music)
(bell jingling)
- [Amy] Hello?
(locks clicking)
- Can I help you?
- I'm looking for Jason.
- I'm Jason.
- Oh, cool man, I'm Amy.
I'm here for the interview.
- Okay.
- Okay!
Should I come in?
- I suppose so.
(locks clicking)
- Cool place.
Where is everyone?
- We give all of our employees
one Friday off a month.
- Oh cool.
Why are you here?
- For this.
- Right, (laughs) cool, right.
- You thought that was a
good look for an interview?
- The job listing said you
guys do casual Fridays.
- Business casual.
- I've often done business
in this very outfit.
- Mm.
So, what drew you to this job?
- It seemed easy enough.
- Right.
So what are your strengths and weaknesses?
- Ah...
Huh.
Ah...
Well, I mean, I think I
could do this job fine.
That's probably my greatest strength.
As for weaknesses, I'm not
really a morning person.
I haven't been up in the AM in months.
But I think I could overcome that.
Ah, my other greatest weakness is peanuts.
They could kill me and I probably
will never overcome that.
- We'll be in touch.
- You will?
- It's a formality.
- To get in touch?
- To say we'll get in touch.
- Ah.
So, no good?
- No, not so good.
- Well, since we're not
gonna be colleagues,
would you maybe want to go out with me?
- No thank you.
- Okay.
I didn't get it.
- How do you know you didn't get it?
- Because I asked "Did I get it?"
and he said, "No, you did not get it."
- Yeah, well, sucks to suck, try again.
- Trying's so hard.
Can you come pick me up?
- Can't.
This cuck has to make it
to the stupid airport.
- That's fine.
I'll go walk to Trevor's.
Gotta go pick up some goods.
- Cool cool.
Go buy those drugs.
Bye bitch. (laughs)
So what, you going on
vacation or something?
- Oh, yeah, I'm going-
- Oh shit!
Don't be rude, I'm
trying to listen to this.
Watch the paint as it dries
Twiddle thumbs, roll your eyes
Search the fridge, stare at screens
Try to get some some new routines
Don't got much to do
- Excuse me.
But doing fine
- Ah, word.
Looking for a way to pass the time
- Hey!
Out about, wandering
Kicking cans, sauntering
How are you
Doing great
(glass clinking)
(cat yowl)
Sorry friend, can't relate
Out of luck but never out of time
Not doing a lot
But doing fine
- [Woman On TV] I haven't
seen you in church lately
- [Man On TV] Well, not much
sense in my going to church
- Hey man!
- [Trevor] Amy!
What's good?
- I'm looking for one
of those weed vape pens.
Like, the kill your lungs kind.
Clover said it won't really kill my lungs,
that it's the government or something.
- Yeah, yeah, it probably
is the government.
I tell ya, I'd be outraged
with the state of things
if I voted or paid taxes.
- Ditto.
"Night of the Living Dead?"
- Yeah, I'm trying to watch
every version of it in existence.
This is the blue version
on account of the blue tint
that is over the whole movie.
- Nice, man.
- They're coming to get you Barbra.
- That line has never been more true.
- How so?
- Zombies are just a metaphor
for society, you know?
Stuck looking at their cell phones.
And by "they" I also mean the government,
who are also looking at their cell phones.
And that is why I do
not have a cell phone.
- Wasn't this movie made
in the '60's or something?
- Eh, they knew what they were doing.
- So, the weed pen?
You got one?
- Oh, yeah.
I usually don't carry them, actually.
But my dealer had this one that
he said was really intense.
He said it will give you
serious marijuana minutes.
- Cool man.
Mind if I give 'er a test rip?
- Sure, be my guest.
Try it up, fry it up!
Sure, be my guest.
Try it up, fry it up!
- It's good!
- It is!
Try it!
Sure, be my guest.
Try it up, fry it up!
- You okay, Trev?
- Yeah, you okay?
- Yeah, just, really high, I guess.
How much for this?
- For you?
I can't charge my best customer.
- That's cool, man.
I only have seven bucks.
- Dayum, girl.
Get a job!
- I'm working on it!
(door knocking)
- [Trevor's Mom] Honey!
- Yes Mama?
- [Trevor's Mom] Are you okay?
- Yes, Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] Are you hungry?
- No Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] Is your friend hungry?
- No Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] You're good then, honey?
- Yes Mama!
We're so good Mama!
That was my mom.
- I got that.
- We're real close, you know.
Especially since Dad left.
(Trevor hyperventilating)
- Well, I should get back to it.
- Cool man, I'll see you later!
- I'll be here!
Oh, now it's more green.
(suspenseful music)
- Clover?
- You asked the guy interviewing you out?
- I don't know, I figured, he's got a job.
He seems like a good judge of character.
- How so?
- He didn't hire me.
- Mm, that was a good call. (laughs)
- Can I have some chicken?
- No.
- Just one piece?
- Mm-mm.
You get chicken when you have a job.
You get wonton soup when you
mooch off your best friend.
- Just one piece?
- Agh, Jesus.
Fine, you adorable little gremlin.
(Amy growls)
- Oh, I made you a Kindling account.
- What is that?
- The dating app.
To get you laid.
- When did you have time to do that?
- [Woman] Red light.
Red light!
Red light!
- Multitasking.
- So what do you do?
- Swipe right on everyone.
It's a numbers game.
Then ask them out, somewhere public.
So you can make sure their
not trying to bone you
figuratively instead of literally.
- Oh, I got a match!
- Mazel.
- Ah, what next?
- Mm, be charming as hell.
- (burps) Okay. (laughs)
- Also, you can borrow this.
It's for dates.
For slashing nuts if they get rapey
or start talking about politics.
- How many nuts have you had to slash?
- Had to?
Maybe three.
- Three guys?
- Three nuts, two guys.
- [Justin] Rent's due in two days.
It's supposed to be 150.
- And you were supposed to fix her sink,
but the water still looks like
it was imported from Flint.
It's undrinkable.
- I'm probably ill.
- She's probably ill.
(stomach gurgling)
(farts)
- That'll be okay.
- Thanks.
- I'm adding it to your tab.
- Hey, I mean, praying's for church, huh?
Come on.
- [Barbara] I haven't
seen you in church lately.
- Well, not much sense
in my going to church.
Do you remember one time
when we were small we were out here.
I jumped out at you from behind the tree
and Grandpa got all excited
and he shook his fist at me
and he said, "Boy, you'll
be damned to hell."
Remember that?
Right over there.
Well you used to really be scared here.
- Johnny.
- You're still afraid.
- [Barbara] Stop it now, I mean it.
- [Johnny] They're coming
to get you Barbara!
(audio playing in reverse)
They're coming to get you Barbara.
(audio playing in reverse)
They're coming to get you Barbara.
- What in the weed?
- Stop it!
You're ignorant!
- They're coming for you, Barbara!
- Stop it, you're acting like a child!
(audio playing in reverse)
- They're coming to get
you Barbara! (giggles)
- [Barbara] Stop it!
(audio playing in reverse)
- They're coming to get you-
- [Amy And Johnny] Barbara!
(Amy laughs)
- [Barbara] Stop it!
You're ignorant!
- [Johnny] They're
coming for you, Barbara!
- [Barbara] Stop it,
you're acting like a child!
- Barbara, dumb bitch
(thunder crashing)
(upbeat music)
- Hey!
- Yeah?
- I'm sorry, but this is for science.
- What the heck.
(audio reversing)
- Yeah?
Jesus!
(audio reversing)
Yeah?
- Nothing.
- All right.
It's one piece.
(upbeat music)
Baby go down, baby go down
(audio playing in reverse)
Swing it around, swing it around
Annoying punk, bam
Made him, hey, cool it kid
Smoke on the brain, smoke on the brain
Car in the frame, car in the frame
Man's got calves, damn
Car door slam
- Mm-hm.
Hm.
We're gonna need more
dirt on the west trail.
Bad dirt here.
Real bad dirt.
- Hey!
- Hi.
- You testing the dirt?
- Every day.
Can't actually smoke here, ma'am.
- Why?
You gonna arrest me?
- No.
But I could write you a
ticket or call the police.
- Yeah?
'Cause you're a little narc?
- It's not that I mind.
You know, it might
surprise you, I've partook
in the partaking of nature's
fine green grass myself,
but I took an oath when I took this job.
A solemn oath to protect these trees.
So please, don't light the joint,
before I have to do something drastic.
(suspenseful music)
(lighter clicking)
(radio static)
(suspenseful music)
(music abruptly stops)
We've got a 10-420 on the
west trail by the bad dirt.
That's a code red.
(audio reversing)
- Okay.
Whatever you say, Mr. Park Ranger.
(suspenseful music)
(Park Ranger gasping)
- Ga-ya-ya!
You are no match for me.
Ya!
(door knocking)
Hello?
I'm busy.
- Hey Trev.
- Oh, hey Sphen, you wanna take a VR run?
- Yeah, I do.
I do want to.
But I can't.
- Why not man?
- Well, you know that
guy I buy my stuff from,
Sleezy Evan, that I sell to you?
Well apparently he's pissed
because he was supposed to keep
that stuff safe for Dirty Lizzy,
who was supposed to bring
it to Big Bad Ramon,
really nice guy, who was
gonna bring it down to Mexico
to Blast 'Em Up Maria.
But then I went and I sold it to you.
- Whoa.
I had no idea the supply
chain had so many steps.
- Yeah, well, Dirty Lizzy went to school
for supply chain management.
I think that's why it runs so smoothly.
Until now.
- Well, I still have pretty
much everything you sold me
in that box.
You want some?
- No, it's cool.
I brought my own.
- Oh dude, man, dude.
It's not here!
- What?
- [Sphen] Did you sell that vape pen?
- Oh, yeah, I did.
- Oh, so apparently I need that back.
- Yeah, it's sold amigo.
- Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Not cool cool, but cool cool.
To whomst exactly did you sell it?
- To who whomst?
- With whom did you partake
in the selling of it?
- Oh, to Amy.
She lives over on Irwin Place.
The basement of the house with the roof.
- Oh, the one with that door.
- Yeah, yeah, nice door.
- Shit door.
- Well, yeah, shit door, but nice.
- Yeah, no doubt.
Okay, cool.
Everything is gonna be fine.
- Oh good, I was worried it wasn't!
- Yeah just, you know, stay here, relax.
- I'm great at relaxing.
- And tell your friend she
has nothing to worry about.
She's completely safe.
There's no harm that's
gonna come to her at all.
There's no problem with anything.
I mean, in fact, if
anything, she's better now
than she was before.
I'm pretty sure that
like, she's gonna be able
to go on vacation or something.
(ominous music)
(phone ringing)
- Sleezy here, how are ya?
- Hi Sleezy, it's Sphen.
Listen, my boy Trevor sold the
pen that you said not to sell
to his boy Amy.
- Well drats, Sphen.
That is a bit of a pickle.
Let me patch in Big Bad
Ramon and Dirty Lizzy.
(classical music)
(phone buzzing)
- Big Bad Ramon here, how may I help you?
(phone ringing)
- Dirty Lizzy, what's up?
- Lizzy, is that you?
- Ramon!
So good to hear your voice!
- Guys, I hate to be the breaker upper
of fun reconnective conversation
but we've got ourselves a pickle here!
- Oh, what happened?
- Hi all, it's Sphen.
- [All] Hi Sphen!
- I really screwed the pooch, you guys.
- The first step is to take a
deep breath and just breathe.
(all breathing)
Now, tell us what happened.
- Well, I sold that pen that
wasn't supposed to be sold!
- Oh dear.
I think I know the one.
Blast 'Em Up Maria
really wanted that back.
- I know.
I'm the worst!
- Guys, let's lay off Sphen, okay?
He made an honest mistake.
And really this is all of our mistake.
- You're absolutely right.
No one is to blame.
The first step, is to breathe.
- I think we should all breathe.
(all breathing)
Okay.
Now, Sleezy Evan, as the middle manager
of this supply chain, why
don't you manage this problem?
- Oh, ab-so-lute-ly!
I will get that pen back, at all cost.
Unless she says no, and I can't.
- Sphen, you tell him where
he can find your boy's boy
and we'll see if Sleezy can handle it.
- Okie doke!
- Let's all just breathe.
(all breathing)
(doorbell ringing)
Oh, that's my piano teacher, guys.
Let me know how it goes pals!
- [All] Bye Ramon!
- Good luck, Sleezy!
- Good luck!
(ominous music)
- Once again, it's up to me.
Sleezy Evan.
(phone buzzing)
(upbeat music)
- Amy?
- Dante?
- That's me!
- You are a handsome young man.
- Well thank you!
Oh, and I'm not going to objectify you
by saying anything about
you're outward appearance.
- Thanks!
I think.
So, where's this Tapas place?
- It's actually right
down the street from here.
This Albanian couple opened
up a Cuban-Korean fusion tapas place
right on their back patio!
It's called Teeny Tiny Tapas Terrace.
- Sounds niche'.
- Very.
Shall we?
- Yeah.
- Consent to hold your hand?
- Yeah, sure.
- So, have you lived in
this part of New Jersey
all your life?
- No, I'm from down south,
like, pine barrens south.
- All right, so do you
have your own place?
- I have my own basement, yeah.
- Your own basement?
(audio reversing)
- Yeah, I have my own place.
- Cool.
I actually just moved into a
new place down by the river.
It's the lofts.
- Oh, what is...
- Oh, do you know what you want?
- Whatever you get.
Just no peanuts.
- Adventurous!
Okay, we'll have the Vaca Frita Bulgogi,
the Bibimbap Relleno, Arroz con Mandu,
the Jap Chae de Moros and a side of fries.
No peanuts.
- Wow, that sounded like you
really pronounced it all right.
- That's because I did.
No need to double check.
- So, what do you do, Dante?
- Me?
Oh no, no, no, we shouldn't talk about me.
That would be such a show
of toxic masculinity.
We should talk about you.
What do you do?
- I'm looking for a job at the moment.
- [Dante] Oh, what did you do before?
- Uh, you know, just like,
fart around and shit.
- You fart and shit?
- No, like, you know, like,
just like, fart around.
Doing like random shit.
And like, hang on.
(audio reversing)
I'm an entrepreneur.
- [Dante] Cool.
- Yeah.
- [Dante] What do you do?
- Sorry, I'm just like
really high right now.
- You're high?
- Balls.
(audio reversing)
Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today.
- [Dante] You know, may I
speak of myself for a moment?
- Please.
- Thank you.
- So, I've been feeling
out of it too lately.
I mean, I think any rational citizen
would be feeling out of it.
You'd have to be crazy not to be feeling
a little taken advantage of
in this political climate.
And I don't mean crazy as in mentally ill.
I would never mean that.
Good?
- [Amy] Huh?
- Was the Arroz con Mandu good?
- Oh yeah, totally.
Very satisfying.
- They don't call it Teeny
Tiny Tapas for nothing!
- Yeah, who would ever
need more than that?
- Smaller portions actually
help save the environment.
Food waste is one of the
number one contributors
to our dying ecosystem.
One third of the land we use to grow crops
is used on wasted food!
There shouldn't be a hunger problem,
there should be an obesity problem.
- Word.
- I'm sorry!
I feel like I'm usurping the conversation.
Tell me something else about yourself.
- Uh, my best friend
Clover is an Uber driver.
- That's interesting!
- Mm-hm, it's like really good,
that women can be Uber drivers.
- [Dante] Yeah, definitely.
- Cool.
- [Dante] Cool.
- Cool.
- [Dante] Cool, cool.
- Jesus Christ.
This tiny food is really driving me nuts.
Why is it so tiny?
- Well, it helps prevent
our ecosystem from-
- It's bullshit man.
Okay?
This, this is all bullshit.
Oh my god I'm too high for this.
- You're high?
- I can't go back in
time any more man, sorry.
You're just gonna have to deal with
that I'm really high right now.
- What are you high on?
Because if it's not anticipation then-
- Food waste!
I take your food, I take
it and I drink it up!
It's mine now!
It's mine!
Num, num, num, num, num.
Mine!
You think you're the prophet?
You think you're the food waste prophet?
Think again, my boy.
We should put you in a jar.
We should put you in a
jar and we should poke you
and prod you and make sure
that whatever is left of
your body is sustainable
for the rest of the environment.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
(Amy screaming)
(Dante screaming)
(siren wailing)
(mellow music)
So I scared him, he fell
over, split his head open
and then asked for a
to-go container for me
to prevent food waste.
- Brother, much respect
for making a scene.
I honestly love it.
- I kinda loved it too.
But I also loved his kind eyes.
And I feel bad about the
whole head splitting thing.
- Those weren't kind eyes,
those were douchebag eyes
hiding behind layers of
narcissism fueled activism.
- I don't know, he seemed pretty genuine.
- Every kind deed is fueled
by self gratification.
Therefore, the only truly
selflessly kind thing
someone can do would have
to be done anonymously
for someone that person hates.
- That's real negative thinking.
- Yeah, don't you love it.
- Oh, and also, my weed pen
can send me back in time.
- Dope.
Real good stuff?
- No, well yes, it's very good stuff.
But it can also literally
send me back in time.
- So what, you give Abe
Lincoln the old what now?
- No, it only sends you back
for as long as you can hit it.
- This a bit?
- No!
I'm serious, wait.
- You got this from Trevor?
Are you sure he didn't accidentally
give you something else?
Do they make mescaline pens?
- I don't think so.
- Bummer.
- I don't think anything happened.
- Wait, let me say something
so you have a point of reference.
Butts!
- Nothing.
- Okay wait, let me say something
so you have a point of reference.
Butts!
- Nothing.
- I swear it works!
- Eh, maybe it does.
Drugs don't really affect me.
- I watch you snort dirty
snowflakes on a weekly basis.
- For the aesthetic.
- Is it unethical to travel
back in time to trick a guy
into thinking I'm his dream
girl so I can ride the dong?
- Yeah, and it's super cool.
Do it.
Just don't use that pen for
something I wouldn't do!
- What wouldn't you do?
- I don't know, help someone?
- Cool, cool.
Tight, tight.
I won't help anyone.
- I've got eyes on her.
She's outside the house.
- She seems to really like
Chinese food, and weed.
I'll make my move tonight.
(suspenseful music)
(door creaking)
You have something that
doesn't belong to you.
(thunder crashing)
- What, Justin?
(thunder crashing)
- No, it's not Justin.
It's Sleezy Evan.
- Um, it's your worst nightmare!
Yeah.
- Huh, okay.
Well, you're actually trespassing
so I'd appreciate it if you left.
- Right now?
- Yes, please.
- All right, fine.
But I wasn't gonna do
anything creepy or weird,
I just really need that vape pen.
- Oh, I don't have it.
- You don't?
- Nope.
- Oh, geez.
This must be one big misunderstanding.
I'm so sorry.
- Ah, don't worry about it.
Just lock the door on the
inside before you leave.
- Okay.
All right.
(thunder crashing)
For your troubles.
- Dope!
- I'll see you later!
And when I said I'll see you later,
I meant that colloquially.
I will not actually be back later!
(thunder crashes)
(phone ringing)
- You get it?
- You know, it was the darnedest thing!
She didn't even have it!
- Are you sure?
- Sure as heck!
She told me.
- Who?
- The girl herself.
- Sleezy.
- Yes ma'am?
- Of course the girl is going
to say she doesn't have it.
- She is?
- Yes.
Because she wants to keep it.
- Wait.
So she lied?
She lied to my face?
- People lie, Sleezy.
I'm sorry honey.
- I can't believe this.
I mean, you think you know somebody.
You think the world is generally
filled with good people
who try to do the right thing.
This nice girl up and lies
to her drug dealer's, drug
dealer's, drug dealer.
- Calm down, Sleezy.
- How am I supposed to calm down?
- It's okay.
- It's not!
- Go home, get some sleep.
I'll call Big Bad Ramon.
He'll know what to do.
- You know, I just think
I, I think I just need
some serious rest and relaxation.
- You do, you earned it bubba.
- I did.
- Go get some sleep.
- He broke into your house?
- Well, I forgot to lock the door.
So it was less of a break
in and more of a walk in.
- If I find out who it was...
- Oh, I think it was
one of Trevor's friends.
But it's all good.
- Oh, that god damned little weasel!
Give me that fork.
- What?
- Give me the fork.
I'm gonna shove this fork in his ass,
I'm gonna twirl it around,
I'm gonna get a few hairs.
I'm gonna shove the hairs in his ear,
I'm gonna twirl that around,
I'm gonna feed it to his mom.
- Oh my God!
(glass shattering)
(cat yowls)
- All right, cucks.
Who's going to explain
why my sweet baby girl Amy
got harassed by some sleazy creep?
- Sup?
- Hey, Amy.
- Hey, Trev!
- Hey, cut that out!
I have questions you appropriating bitch!
- How in the world is this appropriation?
I'm just paying Ho-mage to
cultures I think are groovy.
- You're manipulating a
culture to suit your own needs.
Multiple cultures, really.
- Is loving a culture so much
that you get a kick ass tattoo
of Buddha eating a taco
to show how much you
love tacos appropriation?
Oh wait, it is.
My life is a farce.
- Listen up, jokers.
Some dude creeped into
Amy's basement last night
looking for that weed pen.
- Oh no, I worried this would happen.
Look, Clover, it's
really out of my control.
I'm the low man on the
proverbial totem pole.
- Hey, appropriation.
- I'm the low man on
the American flag pole.
- And Sphen?
- I'm the second lowest.
I got no say in what the higher ups do.
- Look, I'll talk to Sleezy Evan,
see if I can get him to bury the hatchet.
(Sphen clears throat)
Bury the gun?
- If I find out anyone is after
this adorable little creature,
I'll kill them, and then you,
and then you, and then you
again after I revive you.
- It's cool, Clover.
I think I handled it pretty well.
- Yeah, chill!
- So help me, I will tell your
mother you're a drug dealer.
- Mama?
- Yeah.
Yours too!
- Well, jokes on you.
Because my mom's very dead.
I miss her a lot.
(phone vibrating)
- Shit.
I gotta go.
You two clowns better fix this!
Coke.
- Is she okay?
She seems upset.
- She's just worried.
Some people give hugs,
Clover threatens people.
- I'll see what I can do.
But, really, they're all harmless.
- Did you finish all the "Night
of the Living Dead" films?
- I did!
I'm now on to watching all
the student film remakes.
Some of them are really innovative,
but most of them have terrible sound
and are really not innovative.
(phone vibrating)
- Hmm.
Just this dating app that I've been using.
Some guy just asked me out.
- Hey okay!
Gonna get a little action, yeah?
- I don't know.
He seems kinda bro-ish.
- Salmon pants!
I tell ya, if I owned
a sweet pair of chinos,
I can say with 100% confidence
they would not be salmon.
- It can't hurt to try though, right?
Free drink.
- That's a winning attitude m'lady.
- He wants to meet in
Highlands though, ugh.
- I gotcha covered.
Lemme see if we can
borrow Mama's hatchback.
Ma ma!
We need to borrow your car!
A friend in need requires assistance!
- [Trevor's Mom] You're
such a good boy, Trev-Trev!
- Thank you ma-mama!
I got pants in the car, let's roll.
- You good to drive?
- Yeah, I'm basically sober.
- Hey dad...
- So, I know that guys like it when girls
make the first move
sometimes, so I was wondering
if you had any advice for
maybe how to do that, maybe?
- Oh, sure.
So most people, they go for a kiss,
they go straight for the cheek, right?
But what men really love is
when you give them a little kiss
on the forehead and a boop on the nose.
(Amy giggling)
- Okay, I'll remember that.
- Remember it.
Grown men love it when
you boop them on the nose.
- Grown men love it when
you boop them on the nose.
- Anyway, here she is.
Not sure why they call it a hatchback,
but it does have this big, weird trunk.
- Well, looks like some sort of hatch.
- Damn it.
All right.
- Okay.
- There we go.
- Five, six, seven, eight.
(both singing)
- Mama loves gnomes.
She orders them in bulk
from this Armenian artist.
- She really likes the banana ones.
- Yeah, they're her favorite.
- What's your mom do for a living?
- No idea, never asked!
- She has a job though right?
- (laughs) I'm really not sure.
Maybe she's also a
deadbeat that sells drugs!
- You're not a deadbeat.
- Oh, it's okay.
I'm very comfortable being a deadbeat.
We can calls it likes it is's.
- No, I mean, you're not a deadbeat.
You're more like a no-good-nick
or a ne'er-do-well.
Deadbeats have no source of income.
No-good-nicks and
ne'er-do-wells do something
with themselves, it's just frowned upon.
- Huh.
Never thought about it like that.
Ne'er-do-well.
I like that one.
- I'm a deadbeat.
But I'm trying to reform,
become a lay-about.
You know, someone who has a job
but they just really don't give a shit.
- Well, it's nice to have aspirations.
So where we goin'?
I've just been rolling that way.
- Oh, yeah, an address would help!
- [Trevor] All right, we are cruising.
- [Amy] All right,
five, six, seven, eight.
(both singing)
Thanks for the lift, man.
- Oh, no problemo!
And remember, have a good time.
I'll see ya soon, okay?
- Dope.
- All right, be safe!
Do drugs!
Wash your hands!
Don't talk to ugly strangers.
Here we go.
Oh, not good.
All right, all right.
Everybody, stop.
All right, I'm coming that way.
Oh, oh, that's not good.
(upbeat music)
- Chad?
- Hey, ah, Amy.
Yeah, hey, thanks for coming.
Ah, I'm sorry, just give me a second.
I know, bad date etiquette.
I just gotta lock in my fantasy line up.
- Oh, no worries.
I already locked in mine.
- You have a fantasy team?
- Yeah, it's Wonder Woman, Gandalf,
Judy Dench and Elizabeth Warren.
And my kicker's Air Bud.
- (laughs) Yeah that's,
that's not fantasy!
- Yeah, you're right, Gandalf
could never be in fantasy.
- Never heard of the guy, but I doubt it!
Drink?
- Sure.
- Excuse me!
Hello?
Yes, can we get a drink for the fine lady?
Thank you!
- So, uh, tell me about your
fantasy team or whatever.
- Well, you're gonna love this!
So my boy Donny forfeit first
round pick and it goes to me,
and everyone knows that
first round pick was 100%
gonna be Da-Brumbrick Shenquallin.
The guy ran 750 yards in one season.
- Huh.
Da-brumbrick, good call.
- Yeah, yeah.
And, you know, he's just the
base, the consistency pick.
My true golden boy is Daryl Strawberry.
The guy's been running
yards since he was 19!
He's got more sacks and
tacks than Brad Mannling.
And when you're yardin', you're yardin'.
And that guy yards it!
He hoofs it down that turf
like a yardin' man should.
Boy does he yard it.
He just keeps yardin'
and yardin' and yardin'.
Charge it on his yard card.
- I see her.
She's on a date.
- [Ramon] I think we can
use this to our advantage.
- Well then, we'll just have
to make you a profile she cannot resist.
(fart)
(water bubbling)
- So, do you have a favorite team?
- Oh, shit.
Sorry, didn't think you'd ever
actually ask me a question.
What's up?
- A favorite team, do
you have a favorite team?
- What's your favorite team, Brad?
- It's Chad.
- Sure.
- I got to say, I love my Seabirds.
I'm a life long fan!
And did you know that the
Seabirds are 100% fan owned?
(audio reversing)
A favorite team, do you have one?
- Seabirds.
They're 100% fan owned
and for some reason,
that matters to me.
- You jokin' my ass?
Amy, I love the Seabirds!
- Ugh, I can't even fake this.
(audio reversing)
- A favorite team, do you have one?
- I don't really have a favorite team.
And I find you to be a real lump of cum.
- Wow.
- Oh, sorry, that was mean.
That was, that one was too mean.
(audio reversing)
- A favorite team, do you have one?
- I don't really have a favorite team.
Tell me all about the footballs.
- Well, sports, sports,
sports, sports, sports.
Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports,
Sports, sports, sports, sports, sport.
Sports, sports, sports, sports, sport.
Sports, sports, sports,
sports, sports, sports, sports.
Sports, (coughing) sports, sports, sports.
- Hey, someone call 911,
I think this guy's having a stroke.
- Oh, word!
- [Chad] Sports, sports.
- I'm really sorry about your friend.
- It's the way he would have wanted to go.
(siren wailing)
(melancholic music)
So then he has an aneurysm,
he falls to the ground
and splits his head open.
Here I was thinking that this would all
be accompanied by a warm meal.
Then the ambulance came,
but it was already too late.
- Yo!
I love your dating life.
Everybody gets their heads split open.
- Yeah, well, whatever.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- You're not bummed about those dates
not working out, are you?
- A little.
- Brother, you're the fuckin' best.
And those turds can't even
keep their heads unspilt.
They're not worthy and
you'll find someone to bone
who's better than those jabronis.
- Well, what if I want something more
than just a quick bone?
- Gross, why?
- I don't know!
I was just thinking, maybe it'd be nice
to have someone to do
nothing with all day.
- You got me!
- Yeah, I know.
- Yo.
This is romantic A.F.
- You wanna just chug these?
- Let's just do it, babe.
- Looking for a woman with no
job who likes Chinese food.
- Good, good!
Needs more.
- Mention weed.
- I enjoy participating in 420 activities.
- And say that you like to lie to tall
Art Garfunkel types who you've
never seen or met before.
- Little on the nose, Sleezy.
- Okay, well, I saw on her Facebook page
that she likes 90's style hip hop.
So maybe you could work that in there?
- Yeah, I'd call up my boy, Sushi Mane,
and maybe set up a date
at a recording studio?
- Interesting.
- So how bout this, looking for a sex,
no strings attached,
just the sex, real easy.
- That's good!
Do we know her mission is to get laid?
- I think so.
- Are you sure?
I don't think we have that information
at this point in the script.
- Yeah, maybe not.
- This whole thing is pretty low stakes.
I don't think it matters.
- Okay, why don't we just
add a little flashback here
where Sleezy overhears
that little tid bit?
- Exciting!
Director?
- This thing has really
gone off the rails.
My vision is a shade of what it once was.
Do what you will.
(radio tuning in)
- [Amy] I just want to get
laid, no strings attached,
just the sex.
Real easy.
- So she wants the sex.
- Now, make sure you upload
at least four pictures,
otherwise you're gonna look like a bot.
- Oh, and you can call yourself Ramon!
Oh, that's your name already.
- Yeah, how bout Raymond?
- I like it.
Big Bad Ramon is about
to become Sexy Raymond.
- You know, before I waste
this whole magic pen stuff,
maybe I should use it
to try and get a job.
- What, like, interview hacking?
- Yeah.
Is that, like, crossing a line?
- Nah, no way.
My mom got all her jobs
by lying on her resume
and putting her friend's
numbers down as references.
(phone buzzing)
God damn it.
A stupid customer.
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
(engine revving)
- I didn't do an Uber pool.
- Yeah, this is my intern.
Now kindly shut it.
- So Yeah, you think I
should time travel my way
into a low income job?
- Hell yeah, brother.
- Um, are you fucking kidding me?
- What?
- Listen to a podcast or something, creep!
- I don't have any headphones.
- Enjoy, bitch.
(punk metal music)
(brakes squealing)
- If you don't give me five
stars, I'll come murder you.
(fire crackling)
- It's gonna be a new me, a whole new me.
A me who doesn't ever appropriate.
A me who appreciates other
cultures by respecting them.
(didgeridoo booming)
- Hey, ladies!
How goes it?
- Hey, yo, yo, it goes well.
- How'd the date go?
- Amy killed him.
- Terrific.
- We don't know that!
He could still be alive.
- His brain bled out.
- He had like an aneurysm or something.
- Amy made his dumb brain bleed.
- You guys want some bud?
Or the booger sugar?
- Nah, Amy asked if we could stop by.
Probably to mooch some
weed while we pretend
to like hanging out with you guys.
- Fine by me.
- [Trevor's Mom] Trev-Trev?
- Yes Mama?
- [Trevor's Mom] I brought
you some pitzi rollies.
- Thank you Mama!
- [Trevor's Mom] Thank
you for being my son.
So who are you friends?
- This is Sphen, my business partner.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh, it's you Sphen!
I remember you, hello.
- Hi Miss Pikowitz.
- And this is Clover.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh, hello Clover.
It's nice to meet you.
Your name is so beautiful.
- Pleasure's mine.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh, no no, allow me.
- [Trevor] And this is Amy.
- [Trevor's Mom] Oh!
This is Amy?
Oh my God, she's beautiful.
She's a beautiful young lady.
- It's nice to meet you.
- [Trevor's Mom] Goodbye everyone.
- [Trevor] Goodbye Mama.
- [Trevor's Mom] I love you, Trev-Trev.
- I love you too, Mama.
- [Trevor's Mom] I love
you more than anyone.
I love you more than life itself.
- Not more than I love you, Mama.
- [Trevor's Mom] I really do love you.
- You gotta chill!
With this whole weird mom
relationship you got going on.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, you're practically
still dangling off her nips.
- Nah.
No, we're just a close family, is all.
You know, since dad left.
Come on Trevor.
(Trevor sobbing)
So when's the next date?
- Oh, I don't know if this
whole online thing is for me.
- Ah, bap, bap, the best
things happen in threes,
like Musketeers or celebrity deaths.
Maybe one more shot.
- [Amy] Maybe.
- If it doesn't work out,
I could buy you a jiggalo or some shit.
- Oh, that's a good friend.
(upbeat music)
- Knock knock!
- You know I didn't
give you the job, right?
- Yes, but I thought I
could interview again,
business casual style.
- Sweatpants?
- It's business up top, casual down low.
Besides, you guys are just
sitting at desks anyway.
I mean, who's gonna notice?
- I already gave the position away.
- Just please, for practice.
I'm trying.
- Okay, two minutes.
But then you leave and
I never see you again.
- Deal.
- Well?
- Oh, do we start?
Yes.
- Okay, shit.
Hang on a second.
(audio reversing)
- And I never see you again.
- Deal.
I'm a hard worker, I'll show up on time,
and I will dedicate my
life to this company.
- A little overdramatic.
- Those your kids?
- Yes.
- What are their names?
- Brian and Adam.
- Brian and Adam?
Brian and Adam.
And your wife?
- Jessica.
Hey, you know, this is
getting a little weird.
(audio reversing)
A little overdramatic.
- Yeah, maybe.
But we don't we have to be overdramatic?
Okay, listen, in the game of business,
which is the game of life,
we have to be dramatic.
I mean, for instance,
if you lost your job,
what would happen to little Brian or Adam?
Or your lovely wife Jessica?
- Excuse me?
- You need a job to support them, right?
- Is that a threat or something?
- No.
Hey man, that wasn't what I was-
- How do you know my wife and kids names?
- No, I wasn't...
Well, that's harder to explain.
- [Jason] Get out!
- Okay.
- Just get out!
- I, I didn't.
I'm sorry!
I think that jobs just aren't for me.
- You went to the same place!
- Yeah, and somehow it
went worse this time.
- Of course it did!
You need a job at like
some boujee ass coffee shop
where your lackluster work ethic
will be mistaken for character.
- You're right.
Could probs get free coffee too.
(phone vibrating)
- Oh hey, I got another match.
- What's his bio?
- Says 4/20 friendly, gainfully employed
and will buy you Chinese food.
Up and coming 90's style hip hop artist.
- Cool.
I won't have to buy you
Chinese if you date this chode.
He cute?
- He's cute.
- Message him.
I'll drive you to bonetown.
- Okay.
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
- Hey.
- What's up?
- He gets weird, you text me SOS
and I'll come bring my axe
and slice his nuts off.
- Cool, cool.
- And I brought my dull one today,
so it'll be especially fun.
- Dope!
How do I look?
- Like a beautiful baby angel.
- Is that a good thing?
- Yes, duh.
- Okay
Go get 'em tigress.
(car starting)
(metal crunching)
(cat yowl)
(glass breaking)
(cat yowl)
- She's here, mask on!
She's here!
Mask on!
- Hey!
I'm Amy.
- Hey yourself.
- You Raymond?
- Nope.
- You're not?
- I mean, yes.
I am Raymond.
I thought you said Ramon.
I've never been a Ramon,
big and bad or otherwise.
- Uh, cool?
Can I come in?
- Yeah, of course!
So you're just in time
for our recording session.
It's kind of like a Beastie
Boys, Backstreet Boys,
Beach Boys collab, all the boys.
Yeah, so do you like, um,
'90's, '90's style hop-hop?
- I do!
- Yeah?
- Uh, who's that?
- That's my producer, Sushi Mane.
- Sushi Mane?
- Yeah.
We have, uh, Chinese Food.
- Oh, cool.
I'm good for now.
- All right, cool, cool.
Hey, you know what I always
love for a recording session?
Hit a vape pen.
Do you have one?
- Uh, no.
- Cool, cool, tight, tight,
Sushi Mane, drop that beat.
(hip hop music)
Uh.
Uh.
My name is Big Bad Ra-Raymond
But I ain't playin'.
I'm always a hippin', a hoppin'
But I never be a-droppin' that beat
I grew up in the hood,
raised on the streets
A nice sunny suburban street
But it wasn't always great
Because my mom never says she loves me
Because my mom never says she loves me
My mom never says she loves me
- Uh, I think Sushi Mane needs you.
- Okay, I'll be right back.
- [Evan] What's going on, Buddy?
- I was rapping from the heart,
and I realized some things.
- [Evan] Aw, come on man.
You know your mom loves you!
She got you that Xbox for Christmas.
- But that's just the thing.
She always gave me things
as a substitute for love.
- [Evan] Come here.
No, it's okay.
You're gonna go back out there, okay?
You got this.
- Sushi Mane, drop the beat.
Christmas time, best time of the year
All of your family from far and near
Come together to celebrate Jesus
But the thing about family
is boy does my mom suck
(bike horn squeaking)
(brakes squealing)
- Get out!
Get out!
Upper class, middle class,
it doesn't even matter
You can still have a
bad mother or father
- (sobbing) I hate my mom, okay?
Just, just give me the weed pen.
- Oh, shit.
(Ramon shrieks)
- Uh!
(audio reversing)
- I hate my mom, okay?
Just give me the vape pen.
(Ramon cries)
- Fuck!
- [Evan] Excuse you!
Oh Raymond, oh dear.
- [Amy] I'm never gonna get laid!
- [Evan] Right in the leg,
do you know how much blood is in the leg?
A lot, probably!
This guys is dead, okay?
He's dead meat.
- [Ramon] What?!
- Nobody messes with my nice, sweet boys.
- Trevor!
I have to go to your place!
Your dealer pals are after me!
- [Evan] Okay, okay, you're gonna be okay.
- I'm gonna be okay?
- [Evan] Ah-huh, it's just
an itty bitty flesh wound.
- [Ramon] Itty bitty.
- [Evan] Oh, no, no, no.
Oh no.
- Go on without me.
- [Evan] I'm not leaving my
best friend in the cold to die.
- Best friend?
- [Evan] Number one, buddy.
- It's so cold.
- It's warm in here.
- [Ramon] I see a bright light.
- No, no, don't go into the light.
- [Ramon] It's so bright, beautiful.
All my family's there.
Even mom.
- Stay away from the light.
- [Ramon] I didn't know she died.
- You're gonna stay with me, okay?
You're gonna stay right here.
I just need to get this knife out.
- [Ramon] I forgive you, mommy.
- Ah, god, oh.
- [Ramon] That feels good.
- Oh God, oh, I was wrong.
I was so wrong.
- [Ramon] Mama?
- I'm gonna put it back in, okay?
- [Ramon] Mama?
- Ramon?
Ramon?
(Evan crying)
(brakes screeching)
(horn honking)
- Ow.
- Just for the record, I don't think
it's very appropriate for
you to appropriate those.
- We can discuss that later.
- I just think that-
- Later!
We need to protect Amy.
- Bingo.
- I'll use my non-appropriative
broom poke action.
- Oh yeah, that's it.
The thrust, that's what
it's about, the thrust.
Amy!
We're here to help.
(engine revving)
Catch your breath.
(brakes squealing)
- Good work Sphen, Sphen's guy.
- Oh, ah, we're actually here to stop you.
But I did not approve
of his weapon choice.
- Everybody just stay right where you are.
This thing's spring loaded
and hurts like a bitch.
(gun cocking)
- Ow!
- Whoa, hey!
Let's all just calm down.
- That's her!
That's the girl who killed Big Bad Ramon!
- Killed?
- You killed BBR?
- [Trevor] Sphen.
- Big Bad Ramon was the smallest,
least bad guy I know.
- I don't want to fight you, Sphen.
But I will!
(brakes squealing)
(metal crashing)
(cat yowl)
- Everyone back off Amy!
- It's like a real Mexican stand off here.
- Or as they would say in
Mexican culture, a stand off.
(suspenseful music)
- I didn't mean to kill him!
He lunged at me!
- He was working on his doctorate!
He was gonna change the world!
It was always his dream to
eradicate the common cold!
- Yeah, well, he wouldn't be
dead if you stumblebum cucks
didn't stalk and cat-fish Amy!
- I can fix this!
- And how, exactly, can you do that?
- The pen!
It can send me back!
- You know damn well it
doesn't work like that!
- I just have to hit it for long enough.
- He died like 20 minutes ago.
There's no chance.
- You'd have to hit it
for 19, no, 20 minutes!
- I have to try!
- Amy no!
You could end up really, really
sleepy and hungry or worse!
But,
we could hit it together.
Double the power, share the burden.
- Will that work?
- I don't know.
Lizzy?
- Fine!
But if it doesn't work,
you're handing over that pen.
- Amy, you say the word and
I'll rip this bitch's lungs out!
- No, no, not yet, Clover!
- There's so many paradoxes in play here.
My quantum physics degree
is really doing very little
for me in this situation.
I don't know if this could
maybe not work never once,
but I certainly think it
could maybe work once never.
Regardless,
Tricky
- You don't have to do this.
- Hey, I got you into this mess,
I gotta help you get out.
- Thank you.
- Ready?
- Ready.
- One two-
- Three, two-
- You just do it.
- Count down?
I'll do it?
- You just do it, yeah.
- Start from the top?
Okay.
- Okay, okay.
- Ten, nine-
- Three-
Oh, you went way up there.
All right, here we go.
- You just do it.
- All right, sure.
Three, two, one.
(audio reversing)
(thunder crashing)
(cat meowing)
- It was from right over there.
I jumped out at you from behind the tree.
And Grandpa got all excited
and shook his fist at me
and he said, "Boy, you'll
be damned to hell!"
Remember that?
Right over there.
You used to really be scared here.
- Johnny!
- You're still afraid.
- Stop it now, I mean it!
- They're coming, they're
coming, they're coming,
they're coming, they're
coming to get you Barbara,
Barbara, Barbara, Barbara,
Barbara, Barbara, Barbara.
They're coming to get you Barbara.
(audio reversing)
(cat yowl)
- Did we?
Oh. (laughs)
Oh no.
- We smocked the whole... (mumbling)
- Smocked the whole!
- [Amy] We wholed the smoke, uh, whole.
(Amy and Trevor laughing)
- What the hell is going on here?
- Interior Trevor's sun room.
Trevor lays down.
- Amy just appeared out of thin air.
And you guys are both really high.
Am I on drugs?
Drugs other than the usual ones?
- Here.
All done. (laughs)
(Amy retches)
(Trevor retches)
(all retching)
- I've never been stood
up by a girl before.
Well, except for my
mom, at soccer practice.
- Plenty other fish in the sea, bud.
- Plenty of moms in the sea too?
- Sure.
(Ramon and Evan sigh)
- Can we get ice cream?
- Yeah, we can.
(Ramon and Evan sigh)
- Well, looks like I'm
gonna have to make a call
to Blast 'Em Up Maria.
This isn't gonna be pretty.
(bright music)
- Clover?
- Whats up?
- How long was I asleep for?
- Looks like at least two days.
- Did we save Ramon?
Oh wait, if we did, you wouldn't know.
- You did.
I know because this is your
third time you've woken up
and told me about it,
only to go back to sleep.
- We did it!
- [Clover] You did.
I guess.
I'm not gonna lie, part of
me thinks you and Trevor
took some bad shrooms or something.
- No, it was real.
- Okay.
Well, I was just here
making sure you're okay.
You okay?
- Yeah.
I'm good, Clove.
- I'm gonna go make some cash.
We'll hang later.
- Oh, and Clover!
- Yeah?
- Thanks.
- You know I got your back, bitch.
But I'm adding $50 to your tab
for all the worry cigarettes I smoked
watching your high ass.
- (laughs) Yeah, that's fair.
I'll pay it back.
- Heard that one before!
- Trevor.
Trevor.
- Oh, what time is it?
- I don't know, but we
slept at least two days.
- Dayum.
Did you see that cat box?
And the other us us's?
- Yeah.
- Where was that?
Like, outer space or something?
- Some kind of dimensional rift I guess.
- Man, that was pretty cool.
- Hey, Trevor.
You know how I've been
going on those online dates
and they always either end
up cracking their heads open
or I stab them to death?
- Yeah.
- Well, I was thinking I'd
rather just hang with you.
- Oh, dope.
Yeah, you can always hang here.
- But the reason that I went
on those dates was to get laid.
And I still wanna get laid.
But I also wanna hang.
- Well, maybe we can go to the bar
or something and find someone.
- But I just said I wanna hang with you.
- Oh, yeah, you can hang.
- But I also want to have sex.
- Ah. I see.
You might like my cousin Timmy.
He is a little dweeb, but he's a nice boy.
- I want to hang and sex the same person.
- Timmy can hang.
- But I wanna hang with you.
- After Timmy?
- No, now.
- Before Timmy?
- No Timmy.
- Because he's a dweeb?
- I want to have sex with
you and then I wanna hang.
- Oh!
Like, me and you.
- Yeah.
Would you want that?
- To hang or have sex?
- Both.
- Yes.
- To both?
- To both, yes.
- Okay,
Cool, cool.
- We can do it in Mama's
hatchback if you want.
- I'd like that.
- Me too.
Mama!
We need to borrow your car!
She keeps it unlocked anyway.
(heavy breathing)
- [Amy] Is that good?
- [Trevor] Oh, yeah, yep.
It's all pretty good to me.
Is it good for you?
- [Amy] Oh yeah, it's pretty dope.
- [Trevor] Wanna hit this?
- [Amy] What, when did you light that?
- [Trevor] A couple minutes ago.
- [Amy] Ah, sweet, yeah, let me hit it.
(coughing)
- [Trevor] You okay?
- [Amy] (coughs) Yeah, just
joints always make me cough.
- [Trevor] Oh, true.
You know what, I'll ask my boy Sphen
to grab you a new weed pen.
- [Amy] Ah, dope!
Can it be a non-time-travel one?
- [Trevor] I'll ask.
I'm sure he can do that for you, though.
He owes us both one for
turning on us in that standoff.
- [Amy] Would he remember that?
- [Trevor] Oh, right, time travel.
No.
But he's easily convinced.
- [Amy] No doubt.
Just finished.
- [Trevor] Oh! Cool, me too.
- [Amy] Sweet.
Wanna get Chinese food?
- [Trevor] Sure.
Hand me your socks, Mama
doesn't want me leaving a mess.
(bright music)
- Hey, I'm here for the barista job.
- You're like four hours
late to your interview.
- Yeah, I slept in.
- That's cool.
We're all usually late.
- Oh, word?
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Would you say you generally give a shit.
- No, not really.
- Tight, cool.
- Cool, cool, tight, tight.
- Dope.
- Dope.
- Dope!
- All right, so I guess
I'll see you Monday.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
- Word.
(bright music)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(Amy and Trevor singing)
- [Trevor] Guitar solo.
- [Amy] Oh, it's you, it's your solo.
It's your solo.
(Trevor imitating guitar)
(Amy laughing)
(Siren wailing)