Meatballs 4 (1994) Movie Script
1
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Do you hear anything?
No. Not yet.
(HORN BLARING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Anything now?
No.
(HORN CONTINUES BLARING)
How about now?
Nope.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Here she comes.
(TIRES SCREECH)
On time?
To the second.
Let's see those pizza delivery
boys do that. Everybody out.
Okay, everybody, here we go. Let's
line up right over here by the bus.
Okay, fine, fine.
Okay, over by the bus.
Just gather up
over here by the bus.
That's fine, folks. That's good.
That's the way. Okay!
Would you look at that?
Maybe 30 people.
Twenty-four.
Twenty-four people.
Few years ago, we would have
had 80, maybe 100 of them.
No more.
And all because
of one thing.
The economy?
That damned MTV.
(HOOTING)
So far so good, huh? No major
geeks. No major losers.
But the day is young.
Boy! Mom and Dad were right.
This is gonna be great.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL SHOUTING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
I'm sorry, guys.
What did I tell you, Kell?
There is a loser born
every second.
I knew that fat ass was gonna be
trouble when we first got on that bus.
Yeah. Shake it off.
We got two weeks here.
And a lot can happen to Porky
in two weeks.
Catch my drift?
Okay, okay.
Everybody settle down.
A little water
ain't gonna hurt you.
I mean, unless
you're on the Titanic.
All right. Now, welcome
to Lakeside Water Ski Camp.
I'm Neil Peterson.
I'm the owner.
People around here
just call me Neil.
Especially when I'm dropped
to my knees.
(LAUGHS)
Well, I think you should
check with your counselors
for your assigned bungalows, and
then maybe hit the showers, huh?
I guarantee you, gang.
Listen, these last two weeks of summer are
going to be fantastic. I promise you.
What do you say, gang?
Okay, right here we have,
Ford, Duncan and Thigpen.
Let's go. Let's go.
Over here we have Starbuck,
Burberry, Franklin, Paladino,
Hardy, Fouts, and Donnenberg.
Hey, three of you girls are in this
cabin. Hillary, Misha and Loren.
Okay. And the rest of you
follow me. We're up here.
Wes.
(SNIFFING)
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
Howie, I'm getting a good
feeling about this place.
Yeah, I'm getting
the same feeling.
I'm getting a woody.
Hi, I'm Victor.
Victor Thigpen.
Victor, Victor Thigpen. Wes Ford.
This is my pal, Howie.
Hi.
Sorry about the water.
I kind of got excited.
See, this is my first time
at camp.
No. No.
Really!
Actually, this is my first
time away from home.
"First time away
from home."
Victor, you know,
you seem like a cool guy.
And since these girls down here
were headed for the shower,
would you be interested in joining
me and Howie for a little
sneak preview?
Boy, would I!
Hey, guys, my back hurts.
I want to look, too.
Hey, relax, Pigpen,
we just got here.
As you all know, I've encountered
a few financial problems
here at Lakeside.
That, coupled
with a drastic decrease
in the number of patrons over
the last couple of years...
It's really taken a toll
on our camp.
The result is I've been forced to let
go a number of our regular counselors.
And I guess the topper was last
week when Jonathan left us
to take the other recreation
director's job up there in Oregon.
You know that he didn't
even call to say goodbye?
You know, I don't even think
he'd care if he hurt somebody.
Come on. You're going on
nine minutes.
Would you shut up?
Just a minute more.
Check it out!
Dang.
(SCREAMING)
THIGPEN: (STAMMERING) Skunk!
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
I'm telling you, Howie,
that Thigpen is mine.
Well, be that as it may, we now find
ourselves without a rec director.
Therefore, I've had to decide
on a replacement,
and I've made my decision.
Our new recreation director
will be
Ricky Wade.
What?
Ricky Wade?
He's working over
at Twin Oaks.
He was working
for Twin Oaks.
Apparently, he wasn't happy
with the new owners over there.
And when he heard that Jonathan had
left us, he inquired about the job.
Look, in the two years since
he left us for Twin Oaks,
he was singlehandedly responsible
for doubling their attendance!
Doubling it.
And God knows we're in
serious need of someone.
(AIRCRAFT HOVERING) who can
do the same thing here.
(EXCLAIMS)
Wes, check this guy out.
Whoa! Whoa!
BOY: That was cool.
Boy, this place
even has a stunt show.
Can't be.
Whoa!
(GRUNTING)
Whoa, what a landing.
That was some fun, huh?
Hey, guys.
Sorry if I'm
a little bit late.
I gotta tell you, man, those
standby flights, they're a bitch.
The food sucks.
I'm serious.
Kyle. Wow, if it isn't Kyle.
And if it isn't,
I'm very excited about that.
So, who flew you in, Wade? Or
should I say, threw you out?
Happy to see you, too. Whoa!
Didn't know you were that happy.
Jennifer. Rickster!
Hi, Bill. Hi, Ted. Any
excellent adventures lately?
No? Good.
You just never change.
Hello, Ricky. Hi, kid.
NEIL: Ricky. Ricky.
Hey. Hey!
I'm glad to see you, son.
Really glad to see you.
Thank you.
Hey, we're all glad to see you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hey, folks. I want you to meet our
new recreation director, Ricky Wade.
Yeah.
Oh. Neil, have you been telling those bad
jokes again, like a bad little Neil?
Huh? You know we don't like it
when you do that.
Kids, has he been a bad boy?
I think we need
to put him in his place, kids.
All right, now, listen up.
This is the plan.
I'm your drill sergeant.
At 1600 hours,
you boys and girls are gonna come
to the "Welcome to Camp" party.
And until that time,
I want you all to take your
clothes off, have a lot of sex
and go out and hit the lake!
Don't worry, Neil, I got them
right where I want them.
Fine. Fine. Fine. Good.
(EXCLAIMING)
Go.
Kyle!
(GASPING)
All right,
ready to cross.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Finally, somebody knows
what they're doing.
Okay!
Now, try to jump off the ramp.
What are you doing?
Wishing I were a duck.
All right, make a wide right
turn into the ramp, okay?
No. No. A right turn.
Right! Right!
(SCREAMING)
Boy, this is way better
than the brochure.
(EXCLAIMING)
I'm not with him anymore,
so drop it.
What the hell were you ever doing
with him in the first place?
I've known him
for a long time.
The guy is an asshole, Kelly.
Whatever.
Great.
Grandpa, why did you have to
bring Ricky back here?
Of all the people
for this job, why him?
Well...
Honey,
look.
A long time ago I promised your parents
that if anything ever happened to them,
I'd take care of you.
Now, you know I want this camp
to be yours one day.
But for that to happen,
I have to do everything I can to
make sure that it's still here.
And strange as it may seem, Ricky
can help make that happen.
But you don't understand
how awkward it is for me
to have Ricky and Kyle here
at the same time.
Oh, honey, all I ask is
that you try to understand.
All I'm doing is what I think
is best for the camp.
Grandpa, I know that.
It's just really difficult
right now.
All right,
all you happy campers.
All you have to do is aim
and yell "pull."
(GUN FIRES)
Wow!
Great shot. Where did you
learn to shot like that?
I used to live in Detroit.
Want to try? Yeah.
When you're ready,
just yell "pull", okay?
WADE: Ready when you are,
killer.
Pull!
(SCREAMS)
Hey, not yet.
I'm not ready...
(GUN FIRES)
Hey. Look out.
No. I got a...
(GRUNTING)
How did I do?
Oh, I'd say
you were pretty effective.
(GIGGLES)
Did you see...
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
I know I promised not to interfere.
But, look, I'm concerned here.
The meet is only a week away, and frankly,
I don't see much talent out there.
Oh, Neil, relax.
This is only the first week.
I'm gonna get them going.
Tomorrow we'll dig in deep.
It's going to be fine. And besides,
you don't need a lot of talent.
Look at your career.
Hey. It ain't the Pope.
Take a hike.
Yes?
Mrs. Monica Shavetts
would like to speak with you.
The Twin Oaks owner?
My, my, my, Mr. Peterson.
This is so quaint and cozy.
It's very provincial.
Kind of late in the day
for introductions, isn't it?
I do apologize.
I just know how busy
you must be during the day.
I mean, what do you have here,
60 or 70 campers staying?
Something like that. Yeah.
My. I have 127.
Well, like they say. It's not the
quantity, it's the quality, right?
Please excuse Nunzio and his
walnut fetish, Mr. Peterson.
He lacked a certain amount
of oxygen during childbirth.
What do you want,
Mrs. Shavetts?
Cut to the chase.
I like that in a man.
My friends at the bank
have informed me
that Lakeside Camp is experiencing
some minor financial difficulty.
A minor problem?
A delinquent $200,000 mortgage
is a pretty big problem.
Especially for a money-losing
venture such as Lakeside.
Now... Nunzio. Shit!
Whatever you say, ma'am. Hey,
buddy, where's your toilet?
Light me, you idiot.
Sorry, ma'am.
Dick.
Allow me to introduce you
to my latest venture.
Mountain View
Golfing Community.
350 acres of golfing
and vacationing bliss.
It's been a dream of mine
for many years, Mr. Peterson.
However, there is one problem.
My camp is the only lakeside
property zoned for new construction.
Precisely. That's why
I'm here with an offer.
$500,000 in cash for Lakeside.
Enough to pay off
your mortgage
and to make your pending
retirement more comfortable.
I'm willing to give you
a few days to think about it.
No need.
I can give you my answer now.
No.
I know your type,
Mrs. Shavetts.
You'd do anything
to make a buck.
The difference between you and me is
that I care about this little lake
and you don't give a good damn what happens
to it as long as the cash flows in.
Next you'll be changing the laws to
bring in gambling and prostitution.
Oh, no. Those are illegal.
As is stealing.
Perhaps I should have you arrested
for stealing Ricky Wade from me.
I didn't steal anybody. Ricky
came to me on his own for a job.
Said he didn't care much
for the new owner over there.
Now I know why.
So if you people
don't mind...
Thank you for your time, Mr. Peterson.
I do hope you'll reconsider.
Banks don't wait forever,
you know.
"Buddy, where's your toilet?"
Yeah.
Hey, come on in,
boys and girls.
Hey, wait till you hear the
orchestra we've got tonight.
(LAUGHS)
Ooh...
Hello, Neil.
Oh, well, hello...
Hillary.
My friends call me Hilly.
(CHUCKLING) How about that?
By any chance,
are you checking IDs?
No.
Good. 'Cause all I brought
was my IUD.
(EXCLAIMING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you sure you don't have it?
It's my favorite.
Dude, I told you before. I
don't have any Wayne Newton.
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
Hi. Hi.
I'm Howie. Who are you?
Hillary.
You know, you really shouldn't buy
your aftershave at a yard sale.
All right, baby. Oh!
(ALL CLAPPING)
Thank you.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
Elvis has left the building.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Okay.
All right, listen.
Seriously, before I get off...
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Uh, no, really, folks.
I'd like to at this time take a minute
to recognize our Neil Peterson.
(ALL CHEERING)
Who is the only man to guarantee you
a good time or your money back.
(WHOOPS)
Yeah.
This man is also the only man
who has ever successfully
completed the triple hinge.
(WHOOPING)
Now, tomorrow morning, I'm
gonna be holding the tryouts
for our annual ski meet
competition against Twin Oaks.
Now, if you're not familiar
with Twin Oaks,
Twin Oaks is that big fancy rich
place on steroids across the lake.
Now, this meet
is very important to Neil
because Twin Oaks has won the
last three years in a row.
BOY: All right. Bite me.
Now, tomorrow
is not mandatory, okay?
You can try out if you want to.
You don't have to. However!
If you are into getting the full
enjoyment of your ski vacation
and, believe me, there is
no thrill in the world
like watching your competition
eat your wake.
(ALL CHEERING)
Right?
Then, go on and party on and we'll
see you at 9:00 a.m. in the morning.
Sharp.
(ALL CHEERING)
You, know, was it me, or have I
seen this shirt somewhere before?
Nice shirt. I see the 10 has taste.
Does he have a name?
Yeah, actually,
it's Wes, Jennifer.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
(SLOW ROCK PLAYING)
Oh, boy.
I have nothing to fear
but fear itself.
I have everything to gain
and nothing to lose.
Come on, Victor, do it.
Do it. Do it!
I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser. Come on,
Victor. I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser.
Oh, God.
My God, my dress!
I'm sorry. I tripped.
Oh, you idiot.
I didn't mean it.
God, some guys
get all the women.
What's wrong with you? You look like the
jury just gave you the electric chair.
Monica Shavetts came by. She made
me an offer to buy Lakeside.
Whoa, man. Stay away from that
woman. I'm serious. She is bad news.
Well, you don't
have to convince me.
Oh, Ricky,
this meet is so important.
I've just got to generate
more business.
Don't worry.
If we win it, they will come.
And we will win. Trust me.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
You mad at me? No.
Is it because I didn't get
the rec director's job?
No. Of course not. It's just,
it's different this year.
You mean
because of Ricky Wade?
No. It has nothing to do with
Ricky. He's ancient history.
Ancient history? Yeah.
Well, you know what they say about
history repeating itself, don't you?
Look, will you just...
Hark. Hark. What is this
my eyes see before me?
A man, a young attractive man standing
by himself on a porch at night
with a party going on.
Where's the party police?
Party police!
There's a man standing out here by
himself and his name is Victor.
I'm sorry, honest.
I didn't mean that.
Didn't mean what?
Take your choice.
Dumping water on everybody.
Smashing the women's shower.
Causing that.
Sorry. I'm such a klutz.
You did all that?
In one day?
Oh...
It's true. It is you.
It's the Devil.
Where's that sign?
"666 Damian."
Come on, Damian,
I know it's you.
I think I'm gonna change
that 10 to a 12. Yeah?
Numbers can't express
the way I'm feeling right now.
So basically, that's
the story of my life.
Getting in the way, ruining
other people's good times.
Don't worry about it, Victor.
Here, have a cigarette,
it'll make you feel better.
I don't smoke, Ricky.
Well, it's a good time
to start. Go ahead.
Okay.
Ow!
You see,
you shouldn't smoke, Victor.
Well, anyway, that's my biggest
problem. I have no friends.
That's why my parents
suggested I take this trip.
Maybe to meet some new people,
maybe even a girl.
A girl here at camp?
Wait a minute.
Girl. Camp. Girl. Camp.
Oh, my God, what a concept.
A girl in camp.
(EXCLAIMING)
Victor. Oh, thank you. Thank you,
Victor. Oh, Victor. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, boy, look.
It's a rock.
Actually,
it's a tombstone, Vic.
No, it's a feldspar.
It's indigenous to most mountainous
areas. See, I collect rocks.
You collect rocks.
Well, that's very
boring of you, bud.
It's Victor. I collect them
and I paint them.
Paint rocks, do you? Landscapes.
Animal faces. You name it.
Not much call for that kind
of thing, is there, Vic?
No, not at all.
This is it, huh? This is where the
infamous Thigpen legend began.
Isn't that right? Yeah.
Tell me, Victor,
you ever consider
taking your rocks and painting small
women with big breasts on them?
Boy, look, Ricky,
igneous specimens.
(BOTH GASPING)
Oh, my gosh!
What? Jeez. Oh, my gosh.
I knew it. God!
Friend of yours?
Well, he was all
into kissing me,
but I don't feel comfortable
around him anymore.
I don't know.
Something's changed.
Tell me what happened.
Stormed away as usual. Are you
kidding? I wanted to talk about it.
He didn't.
So, Kyle thinks that because
you weren't in the mood
it has something to do
with Ricky?
Uh-huh.
Well? Does it?
Good night, Jennifer.
You slut.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
What the...
What are you
doing here, Wade?
Well, this is bungalow
number two, isn't it?
Yeah, this is my bungalow.
Just one second.
Hold that thought.
Thanks a lot, Neil.
Well, guess
it's our bungalow now.
What hell
are you talking about?
Well, Neil said, "Go crash
in bungalow number two,"
and this looks like it would
be bungalow number two.
No, way. I'm the only one here
who sleeps in number two.
And I bet you're real proud
of that, too, aren't you?
Well, listen.
What do you say we just
let you blow off some steam?
Get out whatever you got to get
out. Let it out in the open.
Come on, just do it with me.
Breathe. It's okay.
It's okay. Let it go.
Come on. Let it go.
That rec director's job, that
was supposed to be mine, Wade.
I busted my ass for it
and I deserved it.
Let's not kid
each other, Wade.
I don't like you,
and you don't like me.
So, don't expect me to jump
up every time you call,
'cause it ain't
going to happen. Dig?
Finished?
Yeah, I'm finished.
Now, why don't we take your little ego
and put it in a box for awhile, okay?
And we'll get back
to it later.
Right now, let's worry about the future
of Lakeside and winning this meet.
And remember,
I'm in charge here. Not you.
Oh, and let's remember
something else.
I'm sleeping
on the bottom bunk.
Not you.
Okay, I want you
to remember something, Wade.
I'm with Kelly, now. Not you.
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
What's the problem, man?
My finger. My finger. Oh, God. It
cramps up like this all the time.
Last year I broke it
in a ski... Oh, God.
Oh, oh, you pull it. Get the
cramp out. Please. What?
I'm in so much pain. Please. Just
pull it. Just pull it. Just pull it.
(FARTING)
Thank you.
Oh, you're sick, man.
I know it. Smells good, too. No,
that's your feet. That's really gross.
(SIREN WAILING)
NEIL: Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
there's a fire. Fire!
(ALL CLAMORING) Wake up. Wake up.
Head for the center of camp.
Quickly. Quickly.
Head for the center of camp.
There's a forest fire.
Hurry. Wake up. Hurry. Hurry.
Save yourselves. Hurry.
Help pick up the fire buckets
and soak yourselves down!
Pick up the buckets and hoses and
soak yourselves down. Hurry. Hurry.
Men, pick up the women. Pick
them up. There's a fire coming.
Now, men, lift your left legs and
twirl around like a pretty ballerina.
(ALL LAUGHING)
NEIL: Good morning, campers.
Breakfast is now being served
in the main lodge.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(WHOOPING)
Jesus.
All right, Victor!
All right. Good. Good.
That's what I want to see.
Go, Wes.
Yeah.
Go, Victor.
(WHOOPING)
Hey, Hillary.
Why aren't you out there
trying out for the team?
Sorry. I just want to devote
some time to my body.
Funny you should say that.
I was just thinking about
devoting some time to your body.
Ah, Howie.
Now, I'm serious about this.
We're gonna go out there tomorrow,
and we're gonna have some fun.
We're gonna kick some butt.
And, wake up. God!
Now, you see the energy he just put
out? Now, that is what we need.
(WHOOPING)
Wes. Come on, Howie.
All right, Wes.
Oh, that's good.
I like that.
This is an improvement
I see here. This is good.
We actually might have a chance
of winning this year, Kell.
BOY 1: Talk. Talk. Music. Music.
Three words. Three words.
GIRL 1: Talk. Talk.
Three words.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Guns N' Roses!
Guns N' Roses!
(BOY WHOOPING)
WADE: All right. All right.
All right. Okay.
I guess you know
what that means, kiddies.
Time to take off
some more clothes.
Bullshit, Wade. Who's ever
heard of strip charades?
Well, obviously we all have
'cause we're playing it.
Now, we've had
a real hard week.
We're having some fun here.
Let's go. Get them off.
All right. That's good. I
like that. Good. Very Good.
There you go. Okay, let's see.
My turn here.
WADE: Okay, it's a nursery
rhyme, kids. Oh, God.
Okay.
GIRL 2: First word.
BOY 1: One word.
(ALL CHATTERING)
BOY 2: Come on.
Pump. Pump.
Humpty Dumpty.
You're right.
(ALL CHEERING)
All right, folks. All right. Come on.
My team take off a piece of clothes.
Okay.
(GRUNTS)
God! Not again,
this is the third time!
I'm sorry, Hillary.
Better see if she's all right.
You'd only help her if you
were never born, Thigpen.
WADE: All right. All right. Okay,
your turn. BOY 1: Let's go.
All right. Category is
"movie." All right.
Movie.
Kick some ass, man.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
(ALL CHATTERING)
The Mummy.
(CHOCKING)
He's choking. I got it. I got it.
The Exorcist.
Thank you. Thank you.
Boy, that was great, man.
I thought you were the greatest
charades player of all time.
I have had it with you, Wade!
Oh, great.
Just let everyone know about
our sex life. That's fine.
Okay, okay. I challenge you
to a game of chicken.
I never turn down a
challenge, you know. Good.
All right. Chicken. You guys are
talking about with cars here?
Cars? We don't need
no stinking cars.
All right. Remember.
There's one rule here.
Whoever bails out loses.
Hey, Jennifer,
you got the horn?
Good. All right. Let's jam.
This is ridiculous.
Boys.
Y'all ready?
Let's do it.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on a minute.
I think I lost my contact.
Since when have you
worn contacts?
Oh, yeah.
Never mind. Let's go.
One, two...
(HONKING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Kyle! Are you all right? Kyle!
Yeah. Shit.
Hi, sailor. Need a lift?
If only he took his talent
more seriously.
Ricky. Give it a shot.
There's only one man who can do
it, Neil. And you're the man.
What. Are you telling me
you're chicken?
Come on, Ricky. Concentrate.
One.
Two.
Help! I've fallen,
and I can't get up.
You see that, Neil?
That wasn't easy to mess up like
that. It took a lot of time.
Close. Very close. All you
need is half a revolution.
Yeah, well, don't go
saying that in Cuba.
You know, there's only one man
in the world
who's ever successfully
completed the triple hinge.
That's you.
You've got all the tools, son. Always
have. You just need to motivate yourself.
You have to want it
bad enough.
If you do,
anything is possible.
Anything.
Yeah, well, I don't know about
that, but what about you?
Why don't you get out there and put
on that old wetsuit again, huh?
Who knows? Maybe someday,
something will come along that
will motivate this old ski bum.
Excuse me. Do you know
if that ski meet is today?
Yeah.
Neil, motivation.
Good motivation.
Oh, motivated.
ANNOUNCER: Welcome,
ladies and gentlemen,
to the 15th annual
Challenge Cup Ski Meet
between Lakeside Ski Camp
and the Twin Oaks Resort.
The team events are
freestyle waterskiing,
Jet-Skiing, and the
always-thrilling ski jump.
Each team will be scored on style and
degree of difficulty by our judges,
Nelson Byers, Wendell Russell,
and Bambi "Yabbos" Yallowitz.
All right, team. Let's get psyched
up. This is ours. Let's go. Yeah.
All right. Huddle up.
Huddle up.
Come on. Lets get it together.
Let's do it, guys.
Now we're going to go out there,
and we're going to keep it simple.
We're going to do
the best job we can do,
and we're gonna
have some fun.
And we're gonna make
those scum-suckers
wish they never heard
of Lakeside.
Let's go. Kill it.
(ALL CHEERING)
Kelly. Come on, Kelly.
Way to go, Kell.
No. That's all right. That's
all right. Give it up for Ben.
Wes. Wes. Wes.
That was great.
Yeah.
Come on.
Yes, yeah.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go.
Come on, Victor. Yeah.
What the hell is he doing?
He's gonna try the ramp.
Stupid asshole.
ANNOUNCER: Seems our judges weren't
very impressed with Victor Thigpen.
Tough break, Victor.
You did good. You went
out there and you tried.
That's all that matters.
BOY: You get them next time,
man. All right.
Had to be a hero, didn't you?
ANNOUNCER: Going into our final
event, the men's ski jump,
Lakeside finds itself
with a comfortable lead.
Twin Oaks' only hope is their
Recreation Director Michael Peltz.
What a magnificent jump
for Twin Oaks.
Plenty of distance
and a near-perfect landing.
Let's see
how the judges score him.
9.4, 9.1 and 9.7.
And that effort
puts Twin Oaks back
into the lead by 13.4 points.
And now our final contestant,
Lakeside Recreation Director
Ricky Wade.
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
ALL: Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky.
Come on, man, let's nail it.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Wait. Hold on!
ANNOUNCER: Whoa. Look out!
Ricky Wade barely avoids a major
wipeout. This isn't over yet.
Let's see how the judges
score Ricky's jump.
4.1, 4.5 and 5.2.
And that means by four-tenths
of a point Lakeside wins.
How do you like that, Miss Shavetts,
huh? We'll see you next year.
Damn it.
(ALL CHEERING)
Hey, tough take-off, man.
You all right?
Am I all right?
Oh, yeah, I'm just fine.
Probably doing a lot better
than you right now,
'cause you got to go out
and look for a new job.
New job?
Yeah. Yeah. Do you understand
English? You're fired.
Fired? For what? Yeah.
For what? Well, let's think
about this.
I got it. It's probably because you tried
to dump me in that lake back there.
Oh, man,
you're so full of shit!
You were the one that almost
lost it out there, man. Not me.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Why don't you be man enough
to admit it, Wade?
Well, you're fired. I can be
man enough to admit that.
Neil, I mean, do something.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry, son.
That's Ricky's decision.
KYLE: Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Kyle, come back here.
You coming with me?
Why, I'm supposed
to decide...
I mean leaving these losers
and coming with me.
Kyle, I can't
leave my grandpa.
Fine. Then stay with him.
You did this on purpose. Just to hurt.
Why did you ever have to come back here?
Kelly, I...
And how could you let him?
Stuck in last night.
Really?
Did you see that?
You know something, Dick?
I'm starting to like this joint.
You know what I mean?
Relax. What have you,
never seen boobs before?
Hey, wait a minute. Are you
calling me a sissy boy?
Is that
what you're inlluding to?
"Inlluding to"? It's
"alluding to." Okay, Nunzio?
Alluding to.
Get something right.
So, you are calling me one.
Christ. You think
you know someone,
they turn around,
they stab you in the back.
Et tu, Bruno?
Shut up!
I never called you a sissy boy,
okay? And it's Brutus, okay?
Get it right. "Et tu, Brutus?"
Not Bruno. Moron.
WOMAN: Paging Dick and Nunzio.
Dick and Nunzio.
See Monica Shavetts
in her workout room.
Did you release
our recreation director?
Yes, ma'am, no problem.
That's right, Mrs. Shavetts.
And I personally guarantee
that dickhead won't be showing his
stinking butt around here anymore.
Well, I have
another assignment for you.
After this afternoon's
rather humiliating events,
I have decided
it's in my best interest
to expedite
Mr. Peterson's financial woes.
Am I understood?
Yes, ma'am.
As Mr. Peterson still offers
a money-back guarantee,
the thought occurred to me.
What if things became rather
unpleasant for his customers?
Yeah, they'd ask for a refund,
and he can't afford it.
Get on it immediately.
And be discreet.
Don't sweat it, ma'am.
Discreet is our middle name.
Funny, I thought
it was "dickhead."
Oh, my gosh, what a great day this
was. Did you see your grandfather?
In all the years that I have known him
I have never seen him so excited.
What's wrong?
Don't you feel like talking?
No, Jen,
I was just thinking to myself.
Really, Kelly, about what?
Oh, life,
health, wealth, security.
What it would be like
to sleep with the Terminator.
I'm sorry.
I just have a lot on my mind.
I know.
Kyle didn't call, did he?
I don't care if he does.
Really? Why?
Because of something
he said today.
He called everyone over here
losers. He meant it, too.
People here are my friends
and my family.
And I have no desire to be with
anyone who thinks of them as losers.
Yeah, you know, I'm starting to
feel the same way about Wes.
I mean, when Victor
fell off his Jet Ski today,
he just started
chewing him out
like it was the end of
the world or something.
I really don't like that.
Why did Ricky
leave you, Kelly?
I never knew.
You know, the day he left,
he didn't say a word.
And before that
we never had any problems.
I mean, you knew us.
We never fought.
As a matter of fact,
things were pretty terrific.
I was never happier.
Then all of a sudden it was
over, like it was all a dream.
Who knows? Maybe it was.
(EXCLAIMING)
(GRUNTING)
If you don't mind, we got a
teeny-weeny favor to ask y'all.
(GRUNTING)
Shake well before using.
Stop that, will you?
Pour the stupid thing.
All right. These girls are
going to look like Smurfs.
Hey, what is that?
Oh, my God!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(SLOW ROCK PLAYING)
Oh, God. Not now.
Hi, Hillary.
Look. I was just about to...
Wait. Please.
You don't have to explain.
I just wanted to apologize for all
the trouble that I've caused you.
You just came here like everybody
else to have a good time.
And it really hurts me to think that
I'm the one ruining it for you.
I'm sorry, Hillary.
I'm really sorry.
Bye. Wait.
It's Victor, right?
I'm telling you, man.
Tonight Hillary is mine.
Yeah? Yeah.
I don't know, man.
Looks like you might have to
wait in line. Check it out.
I am going to kill that tub of
lard. Hey, chill. Chill. Look.
First of all,
you kick fatty's ass,
and Hillary is gonna be pissed at you
and feel sorry for that guy over there.
Girls are all the same.
That's the way they work.
You got to play it cool.
You and I both know that.
Yeah. Look.
We'll make sure that the boy
from planet Vic gets his,
and sooner than he thinks.
Just a matter of time, huh?
BOTH: And how.
Nice night.
Oh, it's you.
Scared me.
Mind if I sit down?
Well, until the lab results come
in, I'll take that as a yes.
It's funny,
I remember that
the only time you used to come out here
at night alone and sit on the dock
was when something
was bothering you.
I guess tonight that something
is probably me.
Well, things are starting
to get back to normal.
I mean, I'd fallen in love with
Kyle. I'd gotten over you.
Then you decide to just breeze back
into town and mess everything up.
Now, wait a minute...
No. No. You wait a second.
You think you can just parachute in
here like nothing was ever between us.
Did you ever maybe consider how I
might feel if you showed up again?
Yes, I did,
as a matter of fact.
I thought about that and I knew
that you and Kyle were in love.
And that
you had this relationship.
I mean, everybody around
the lake knows about that.
And I thought that me being here
wouldn't bother you at all.
Wouldn't bother me?
You came in and fired him
so that he'd break up with me.
That's not true.
I did not fire him
so he'd break up with you.
But as a matter of fact,
you breaking up with him
is probably the best thing that
could have ever happened to you.
I mean, why did you ever
get involved with that jerk?
Because the other jerk in my life
took off and left me hanging.
Why did you leave me, Ricky?
I left you
because I was afraid, Kell.
You see,
your grandfather always said
that he wanted the best for you.
The absolute best.
You see, my problem
is that Ricky Wade has never
been the best at anything.
Ever.
And I don't want
to bring you down with me.
I didn't want to destroy your
future. So I left. I took off.
Because I cared.
I came back here
because I cared.
Your grandfather cares a lot about you
and he cares a lot about this camp.
And he wants you to have
this camp when he's gone.
And I want to see that happen.
I'm sorry, Kelly.
So sorry I hurt you.
Please forgive me.
NEIL: Kelly! Kelly!
Something must be wrong.
Grandpa's never up this late.
Tomorrow morning,
I'm closing the camp.
I have no choice.
The mortgage
and all these refunds...
It's simply
too much to handle.
Son, I want to thank you for
everything you've done for us.
You brought back
an awful lot of good memories.
Kelly.
Sweetheart, forgive me.
Oh, Grandpa.
(KELLY CRYING)
Ricky. What's wrong?
Nothing. Do you have any
broken glass I could gargle?
What is it?
Two of the biggest boobs
I've seen all night.
How do I look?
Great. Come on.
These must be really special boobs
if we have to sneak up on them.
These aren't boobs.
These are bad guys.
Son of a bitch!
VICTOR: My bungalow.
Who did this?
Oh, crap.
What?
I had some rocks I was painting to
look like dried fruit and nuts.
They must have took them.
(VICTOR SHUDDERING)
I think these guys
have seen too many movies.
Neil, I think
I've got a solution.
But it's gonna
take some big cojones.
My, my,
if it isn't little Rick.
My, my,
if it isn't little Dick.
MONICA: Dick, show him in.
Ricky. How nice
to see you again.
Please, come and sit down.
Would you care for a drink?
Yeah, sure.
I'll have a double-chocolate
decaffeinated milkshake
with a cherry.
Always ready with a joke.
I like that in a man.
Here's your drink...
Whoa!
Kyle! Nice outfit.
Hey, listen,
while you're standing there,
I got a little dirt
on my shoe.
You mind
polishing that for me?
Stop.
Now, sit down.
I wonder if he shits
on command, too?
(CHUCKLES)
That will be enough, you two.
Why did you
want this meeting?
I have an offer
from Neil Peterson.
Oh, interesting. Enlighten me.
He'd like to have a rematch
on the ski meet.
Another ski meet?
Why should we give you jerks
another ski meet?
Let me finish.
Now.
This time the stakes
will be bigger.
Much bigger.
If Twin Oaks wins,
he's going to accept that offer
you made him the other day.
However, if Lakeside wins,
you'll pay off our mortgage
and leave us alone.
When do you propose
this rematch?
The day after tomorrow.
So soon?
Well, for some
unexplained reason,
many of our campers
have decided to leave.
Same rules. Same judges.
What's your response?
I accept.
But on one condition.
If Lakeside loses,
you come back to work for me.
At minimum wage
for a period of 5 years.
What?
How important
is this to you, Ricky?
This isn't the world of chocolate
shakes and extra cherries, you know.
This is the real world.
Are you going to
put up or shut up?
Well, Monica,
I'll be putting up.
Come on, guys,
let's do it. Come on.
Anything's possible
if you want it bad enough.
Look at Michael Jackson.
Wes. Howie. Looking good. Hey, where
did you learn to ski like that?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Victor, the ninth
and tenth wonder of the world.
Hey, Victor.
Show me something special.
Come on, do it, baby. Come on.
I know you can do it.
Come on do it, man.
Do it. Do it. Yes. Yeah.
All right. Way to go, Thigpen.
Shit.
All right. Looking good.
Bring it on in. Let's go.
Come on, stay on the ball.
Let's go.
Yeah!
Jump the wake.
Let me see you jump the wake.
Yeah.
All right.
Solid move. Way to go.
My curiosity toys with me.
Tell me, Mr. Linck. What do you
rate our chances tomorrow?
Excellent. Beyond excellent. If I had
a million dollars, I'd bet it all.
Well, I wish
I had your confidence.
Unfortunately, I don't.
Which is why my two associates
here are going to assist you.
In the background, of course.
Assist me? Why?
We can win this thing, Monica.
I've put together
an excellent team here.
You are a very good
ski instructor.
But compared to Ricky Wade,
well, you're a novice.
Look, it's nothing personal, it's just
that, well, there's a lot at stake, and...
Hey, now, be a good boy and run
along and replenish my drink.
Everything prepared?
I contacted Chuck Lewis.
We'll take care of it tonight.
Excellent.
And it's all centered
around the ski jump.
Are there any questions?
Anyone? Anyone?
No? Good.
I don't think any of you
could ever possibly realize
the importance of this meet that
we're going to have tomorrow.
To me, and to the future
of Lakeside.
So, all I'm asking you
is that you
really try to go out there
tomorrow and do the best you can.
Please.
Let's hear it. Come on.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
ALL: Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
What are you doing? I thought
I told you to wear black.
It was on sale, all right?
Come on.
Hey, how much was the hat?
Well, it was $3.95...
Forget the stupid hat.
You do that again and I'll
kill you. It was an accident.
Accident? You're an accident.
Okay, come on. Let's go.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Shut up! Okay.
I want to get back
to business here.
I want you guys to go back to
your cabins and get some sleep.
Look sharp. I'll see you first
thing in the morning. All right.
Hey, you know something? Give me
one minute, I'll be right there.
But I thought we're going to go to
the dock. No, go ahead. It's okay.
Seriously, I'm just gonna hang
out and clean up a little bit.
Go ahead. I'll be right there.
It's okay.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm really excited
about tomorrow.
I think we're going to
win, Hillary. Me, too.
It's going to be
so great.
Ricky asked me to straighten up the
lodge a little before we split.
You think you can
give me a hand?
Sure, Wes. Yeah? Great.
Guess I'll see you
in the morning, Hillary.
Okay. Good night, Victor.
Good night.
You know what? Tell you what.
I'll stack the chairs, okay?
And why don't you
take the chalkboard
and stick it right over there
against the wall?
How does that sound?
Sure, Wes.
Great, man. Great.
Oh, no!
Oh, God!
(VICTOR CRYING)
You all right, man?
My arm. I think I broke it.
Oh, man.
All right.
We got to get him
to the hospital.
Turn him over.
Turn him over.
Help me out. Get him up.
Get him up. Come on.
WADE: Kelly, go get the car.
Okay.
(CRYING)
Are you proud of yourself?
What are you talking about?
Cut the crap, Wes.
I know you and Howie set this
up purposely to hurt Victor.
Do you think that humiliating people
makes you a big man, Wes? Huh?
No.
You are just
like my old boyfriend.
You don't give a damn
about anybody else's feelings.
And that makes you very small.
Very small.
I get the feeling
she's pissed.
Shut up, Howie.
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to a very special
unofficial rematch of last
weekend's Challenge Cup Ski Meet.
All right. Gather around.
Gather around.
This is it. Listen up. You guys lost
the last one, but now you got me.
And I'm not a loser.
So let's check our equipment, go
out there and kick some butt.
(ALL CHEERING)
ANNOUNCER: As you may recall
Lakeside defeated Twin Oaks...
This is it, guys.
This is very important.
I need you all
to do your best, okay?
We're gonna go out there and
we're gonna kick some butt.
You don't realize how much
this tournament means to us.
I mean, I don't think you'll ever realize
how much this tournament means to us.
We're gonna go out there,
and we're gonna do it.
And, also,
if you wouldn't mind,
I'd like to dedicate this day to
our brother-in-broken-arms man,
Victor Thigpen. Come on.
ALL: Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
ANNOUNCER: So, how about it,
ladies and gentlemen?
Let the rematch begin.
Our first contestant is Lakeside
counselor Jennifer Lipton.
(SCREAMS)
Oh.
ANNOUNCER: Next up, Twin Oaks
Recreation Director, Kyle Linck.
Shit.
(GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
(GRUNTING)
(ENGINE CHOKING)
Whoa!
(SCREAMING)
Ricky!
Look. Something happened.
ANNOUNCER: Oh my! There's been an
accident involving Ricky Wade.
Let's hope
he hasn't been injured.
This is unbelievable.
Hey, guys. Guys. Guys.
Vic, go away.
Listen to me!
I need your help.
It's important.
(GRUNTING)
Okay. What happened?
I don't know.
The engine just died.
Watch his leg.
Watch his leg. Easy now.
(GROANS)
How are you feeling, son?
You ever play soccer
with a bowling ball?
That's about where
I'm at right now.
Listen, we've got to get
someone to replace Ricky.
We need every point
we can get.
WADE: All right, okay.
Hey. Come on. Everybody
come on, gather around.
Come on. I got an idea here.
We're going to think for awhile and then
after that we're going to think about it.
ANNOUNCER: Apparently Lakeside has entered
another skier to replace Ricky Wade.
When we're done with that,
we'll think some more.
Hey, you guys. Who's that?
ANNOUNCER: I have no idea
who he is.
Wait a minute.
It's Neil Peterson.
Lakeside's owner
and the only man to successfully
complete the famed triple hinge.
(WHOOPING)
Who are those guys?
That's... No, no, no!
Oh, my God.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, Victor.
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER: Now, let's look to our judges
to see how they've scored Neil Peterson.
8.7, 8.8 and 8.5.
And that narrows
Twin Oaks' lead to 3.2 points.
Grandpa, you handsome dog. I didn't
know you still had it in you.
Neither did I, sweetheart.
We now come
to the men's ski jump.
And as usual,
the outcome of the entire meet comes
down to this, the final event.
Good going, man.
Something must have motivated
you to get you out there, huh?
Well, I had to do something. This camp
is all I've got. It's all Kelly's got.
I know. I couldn't let
it go without a fight.
I know. I wish there was
something more that...
Listen, don't feel bad, son. You
did everything you possibly could.
And I mean everything.
Be proud. It's something
I'll never forget.
What a terrific jump for Twin Oaks.
That certainly won't hurt their score.
Ricky, since you're injured,
who's gonna jump?
Oh, that's easy.
That's gonna be...
Well, it...
It's your choice.
You're the man.
I'm the man, right.
Todd Christy's score of 26.3 puts
Twin Oaks ahead by 29.5 points.
Making Lakeside's chances
of winning virtually nil.
What? Virtually nil?
Virtually nil?
Look down your pants, you'll
find something virtually nil.
Kelly, give me my skis.
(ALL CHEERING)
Let's go!
What's this?
It looks like Ricky Wade
will be jumping for Lakeside
despite an apparent
leg injury.
You sure about this, Ricky?
I was born sure. Hit it.
Okay, here goes.
One.
Two.
Three. Yes!
Incredible!
Ricky Wade has completed
the triple hinge.
Only the second man
to ever do it.
Unbelievable.
Now let's check
the all-important scores.
Three perfect 10s.
Lakeside wins.
Lakeside wins. Lakeside wins.
No. No. No!
You bumbling idiots.
You're fired.
(SCREAMING)
Hey, Nunzio, let's go back
to the relocation program.
Yeah.
(ALL CHEERING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)
(HORN BLARING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
On time?
Eight seconds late.
Oh, crap.
I got to get this baby tuned.
Hey guys, see you. It was fun.
Bye, bye.
GIRL: See you later.
BOY: Drop me a line.
Take care. Wes. Howie.
Howie.
I had a good time.
Thanks, Jennifer.
I'll catch you inside. Okay, man.
See you in a minute.
Well, these things
definitely aren't easy.
I want you to know that I really learned
a lot about myself because of you.
I want to say thanks.
Hey, take care, guys.
Bye. Take care.
You got a little something...
Well, I guess
this is my cue, huh?
Yeah. All right.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey, Jennifer.
12-plus, huh?
See you later.
See you next year.
Howie!
Bye. Bye. Take care, you.
I'm gonna really
miss you folks.
Neil, some day I want to be able
to bring my kids to your camp.
You do that, son.
It'll be here.
Jennifer. Goodbye, Victor.
I hope you had fun.
Thanks.
Oh, Victor. Bye-bye.
Do you like my hair?
You look terrific.
I think I'm gonna
miss you most of all, Ricky.
Gosh. I suddenly feel
like I'm in The Wizard of Oz.
Take care, Thigpen. Okay,
no tongue, no tongue.
Now get out of here. Come on.
Get out of here. Go.
Bye, Victor.
Bye, Victor.
Bye, Vic. Hey, Victor,
where's your clothes, man?
Victor, wait. Wait for me.
Victor, I'll get us
some good seats, okay?
WADE: Hey. Hey!
Hey, Ricky. You think
my mom's gonna like her?
I don't know,
but your dad's gonna love her.
KELLY: Bye-bye. Bye.
Well, another summer
has come and gone.
But, you know, I have a feeling next
summer is going to be even better.
Don't worry, Neil,
I can guarantee it.
Leave. The movie is over.
Go home. The movie is over.
You paid your money. You saw
the movie. Now go home.
Oh, I got it. You're watching a
video. Okay, push "stop" now.
Better yet, push "rewind." That
way you save the 50 cents.
Look, this isn't working.
Some movie star you are.
I was in Goonies.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Do you hear anything?
No. Not yet.
(HORN BLARING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Anything now?
No.
(HORN CONTINUES BLARING)
How about now?
Nope.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Here she comes.
(TIRES SCREECH)
On time?
To the second.
Let's see those pizza delivery
boys do that. Everybody out.
Okay, everybody, here we go. Let's
line up right over here by the bus.
Okay, fine, fine.
Okay, over by the bus.
Just gather up
over here by the bus.
That's fine, folks. That's good.
That's the way. Okay!
Would you look at that?
Maybe 30 people.
Twenty-four.
Twenty-four people.
Few years ago, we would have
had 80, maybe 100 of them.
No more.
And all because
of one thing.
The economy?
That damned MTV.
(HOOTING)
So far so good, huh? No major
geeks. No major losers.
But the day is young.
Boy! Mom and Dad were right.
This is gonna be great.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL SHOUTING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
I'm sorry, guys.
What did I tell you, Kell?
There is a loser born
every second.
I knew that fat ass was gonna be
trouble when we first got on that bus.
Yeah. Shake it off.
We got two weeks here.
And a lot can happen to Porky
in two weeks.
Catch my drift?
Okay, okay.
Everybody settle down.
A little water
ain't gonna hurt you.
I mean, unless
you're on the Titanic.
All right. Now, welcome
to Lakeside Water Ski Camp.
I'm Neil Peterson.
I'm the owner.
People around here
just call me Neil.
Especially when I'm dropped
to my knees.
(LAUGHS)
Well, I think you should
check with your counselors
for your assigned bungalows, and
then maybe hit the showers, huh?
I guarantee you, gang.
Listen, these last two weeks of summer are
going to be fantastic. I promise you.
What do you say, gang?
Okay, right here we have,
Ford, Duncan and Thigpen.
Let's go. Let's go.
Over here we have Starbuck,
Burberry, Franklin, Paladino,
Hardy, Fouts, and Donnenberg.
Hey, three of you girls are in this
cabin. Hillary, Misha and Loren.
Okay. And the rest of you
follow me. We're up here.
Wes.
(SNIFFING)
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
Howie, I'm getting a good
feeling about this place.
Yeah, I'm getting
the same feeling.
I'm getting a woody.
Hi, I'm Victor.
Victor Thigpen.
Victor, Victor Thigpen. Wes Ford.
This is my pal, Howie.
Hi.
Sorry about the water.
I kind of got excited.
See, this is my first time
at camp.
No. No.
Really!
Actually, this is my first
time away from home.
"First time away
from home."
Victor, you know,
you seem like a cool guy.
And since these girls down here
were headed for the shower,
would you be interested in joining
me and Howie for a little
sneak preview?
Boy, would I!
Hey, guys, my back hurts.
I want to look, too.
Hey, relax, Pigpen,
we just got here.
As you all know, I've encountered
a few financial problems
here at Lakeside.
That, coupled
with a drastic decrease
in the number of patrons over
the last couple of years...
It's really taken a toll
on our camp.
The result is I've been forced to let
go a number of our regular counselors.
And I guess the topper was last
week when Jonathan left us
to take the other recreation
director's job up there in Oregon.
You know that he didn't
even call to say goodbye?
You know, I don't even think
he'd care if he hurt somebody.
Come on. You're going on
nine minutes.
Would you shut up?
Just a minute more.
Check it out!
Dang.
(SCREAMING)
THIGPEN: (STAMMERING) Skunk!
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
I'm telling you, Howie,
that Thigpen is mine.
Well, be that as it may, we now find
ourselves without a rec director.
Therefore, I've had to decide
on a replacement,
and I've made my decision.
Our new recreation director
will be
Ricky Wade.
What?
Ricky Wade?
He's working over
at Twin Oaks.
He was working
for Twin Oaks.
Apparently, he wasn't happy
with the new owners over there.
And when he heard that Jonathan had
left us, he inquired about the job.
Look, in the two years since
he left us for Twin Oaks,
he was singlehandedly responsible
for doubling their attendance!
Doubling it.
And God knows we're in
serious need of someone.
(AIRCRAFT HOVERING) who can
do the same thing here.
(EXCLAIMS)
Wes, check this guy out.
Whoa! Whoa!
BOY: That was cool.
Boy, this place
even has a stunt show.
Can't be.
Whoa!
(GRUNTING)
Whoa, what a landing.
That was some fun, huh?
Hey, guys.
Sorry if I'm
a little bit late.
I gotta tell you, man, those
standby flights, they're a bitch.
The food sucks.
I'm serious.
Kyle. Wow, if it isn't Kyle.
And if it isn't,
I'm very excited about that.
So, who flew you in, Wade? Or
should I say, threw you out?
Happy to see you, too. Whoa!
Didn't know you were that happy.
Jennifer. Rickster!
Hi, Bill. Hi, Ted. Any
excellent adventures lately?
No? Good.
You just never change.
Hello, Ricky. Hi, kid.
NEIL: Ricky. Ricky.
Hey. Hey!
I'm glad to see you, son.
Really glad to see you.
Thank you.
Hey, we're all glad to see you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hey, folks. I want you to meet our
new recreation director, Ricky Wade.
Yeah.
Oh. Neil, have you been telling those bad
jokes again, like a bad little Neil?
Huh? You know we don't like it
when you do that.
Kids, has he been a bad boy?
I think we need
to put him in his place, kids.
All right, now, listen up.
This is the plan.
I'm your drill sergeant.
At 1600 hours,
you boys and girls are gonna come
to the "Welcome to Camp" party.
And until that time,
I want you all to take your
clothes off, have a lot of sex
and go out and hit the lake!
Don't worry, Neil, I got them
right where I want them.
Fine. Fine. Fine. Good.
(EXCLAIMING)
Go.
Kyle!
(GASPING)
All right,
ready to cross.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Finally, somebody knows
what they're doing.
Okay!
Now, try to jump off the ramp.
What are you doing?
Wishing I were a duck.
All right, make a wide right
turn into the ramp, okay?
No. No. A right turn.
Right! Right!
(SCREAMING)
Boy, this is way better
than the brochure.
(EXCLAIMING)
I'm not with him anymore,
so drop it.
What the hell were you ever doing
with him in the first place?
I've known him
for a long time.
The guy is an asshole, Kelly.
Whatever.
Great.
Grandpa, why did you have to
bring Ricky back here?
Of all the people
for this job, why him?
Well...
Honey,
look.
A long time ago I promised your parents
that if anything ever happened to them,
I'd take care of you.
Now, you know I want this camp
to be yours one day.
But for that to happen,
I have to do everything I can to
make sure that it's still here.
And strange as it may seem, Ricky
can help make that happen.
But you don't understand
how awkward it is for me
to have Ricky and Kyle here
at the same time.
Oh, honey, all I ask is
that you try to understand.
All I'm doing is what I think
is best for the camp.
Grandpa, I know that.
It's just really difficult
right now.
All right,
all you happy campers.
All you have to do is aim
and yell "pull."
(GUN FIRES)
Wow!
Great shot. Where did you
learn to shot like that?
I used to live in Detroit.
Want to try? Yeah.
When you're ready,
just yell "pull", okay?
WADE: Ready when you are,
killer.
Pull!
(SCREAMS)
Hey, not yet.
I'm not ready...
(GUN FIRES)
Hey. Look out.
No. I got a...
(GRUNTING)
How did I do?
Oh, I'd say
you were pretty effective.
(GIGGLES)
Did you see...
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
I know I promised not to interfere.
But, look, I'm concerned here.
The meet is only a week away, and frankly,
I don't see much talent out there.
Oh, Neil, relax.
This is only the first week.
I'm gonna get them going.
Tomorrow we'll dig in deep.
It's going to be fine. And besides,
you don't need a lot of talent.
Look at your career.
Hey. It ain't the Pope.
Take a hike.
Yes?
Mrs. Monica Shavetts
would like to speak with you.
The Twin Oaks owner?
My, my, my, Mr. Peterson.
This is so quaint and cozy.
It's very provincial.
Kind of late in the day
for introductions, isn't it?
I do apologize.
I just know how busy
you must be during the day.
I mean, what do you have here,
60 or 70 campers staying?
Something like that. Yeah.
My. I have 127.
Well, like they say. It's not the
quantity, it's the quality, right?
Please excuse Nunzio and his
walnut fetish, Mr. Peterson.
He lacked a certain amount
of oxygen during childbirth.
What do you want,
Mrs. Shavetts?
Cut to the chase.
I like that in a man.
My friends at the bank
have informed me
that Lakeside Camp is experiencing
some minor financial difficulty.
A minor problem?
A delinquent $200,000 mortgage
is a pretty big problem.
Especially for a money-losing
venture such as Lakeside.
Now... Nunzio. Shit!
Whatever you say, ma'am. Hey,
buddy, where's your toilet?
Light me, you idiot.
Sorry, ma'am.
Dick.
Allow me to introduce you
to my latest venture.
Mountain View
Golfing Community.
350 acres of golfing
and vacationing bliss.
It's been a dream of mine
for many years, Mr. Peterson.
However, there is one problem.
My camp is the only lakeside
property zoned for new construction.
Precisely. That's why
I'm here with an offer.
$500,000 in cash for Lakeside.
Enough to pay off
your mortgage
and to make your pending
retirement more comfortable.
I'm willing to give you
a few days to think about it.
No need.
I can give you my answer now.
No.
I know your type,
Mrs. Shavetts.
You'd do anything
to make a buck.
The difference between you and me is
that I care about this little lake
and you don't give a good damn what happens
to it as long as the cash flows in.
Next you'll be changing the laws to
bring in gambling and prostitution.
Oh, no. Those are illegal.
As is stealing.
Perhaps I should have you arrested
for stealing Ricky Wade from me.
I didn't steal anybody. Ricky
came to me on his own for a job.
Said he didn't care much
for the new owner over there.
Now I know why.
So if you people
don't mind...
Thank you for your time, Mr. Peterson.
I do hope you'll reconsider.
Banks don't wait forever,
you know.
"Buddy, where's your toilet?"
Yeah.
Hey, come on in,
boys and girls.
Hey, wait till you hear the
orchestra we've got tonight.
(LAUGHS)
Ooh...
Hello, Neil.
Oh, well, hello...
Hillary.
My friends call me Hilly.
(CHUCKLING) How about that?
By any chance,
are you checking IDs?
No.
Good. 'Cause all I brought
was my IUD.
(EXCLAIMING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you sure you don't have it?
It's my favorite.
Dude, I told you before. I
don't have any Wayne Newton.
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
Hi. Hi.
I'm Howie. Who are you?
Hillary.
You know, you really shouldn't buy
your aftershave at a yard sale.
All right, baby. Oh!
(ALL CLAPPING)
Thank you.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
Elvis has left the building.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Okay.
All right, listen.
Seriously, before I get off...
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Uh, no, really, folks.
I'd like to at this time take a minute
to recognize our Neil Peterson.
(ALL CHEERING)
Who is the only man to guarantee you
a good time or your money back.
(WHOOPS)
Yeah.
This man is also the only man
who has ever successfully
completed the triple hinge.
(WHOOPING)
Now, tomorrow morning, I'm
gonna be holding the tryouts
for our annual ski meet
competition against Twin Oaks.
Now, if you're not familiar
with Twin Oaks,
Twin Oaks is that big fancy rich
place on steroids across the lake.
Now, this meet
is very important to Neil
because Twin Oaks has won the
last three years in a row.
BOY: All right. Bite me.
Now, tomorrow
is not mandatory, okay?
You can try out if you want to.
You don't have to. However!
If you are into getting the full
enjoyment of your ski vacation
and, believe me, there is
no thrill in the world
like watching your competition
eat your wake.
(ALL CHEERING)
Right?
Then, go on and party on and we'll
see you at 9:00 a.m. in the morning.
Sharp.
(ALL CHEERING)
You, know, was it me, or have I
seen this shirt somewhere before?
Nice shirt. I see the 10 has taste.
Does he have a name?
Yeah, actually,
it's Wes, Jennifer.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
(SLOW ROCK PLAYING)
Oh, boy.
I have nothing to fear
but fear itself.
I have everything to gain
and nothing to lose.
Come on, Victor, do it.
Do it. Do it!
I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser. Come on,
Victor. I'm a winner, not a loser.
I'm a winner, not a loser.
Oh, God.
My God, my dress!
I'm sorry. I tripped.
Oh, you idiot.
I didn't mean it.
God, some guys
get all the women.
What's wrong with you? You look like the
jury just gave you the electric chair.
Monica Shavetts came by. She made
me an offer to buy Lakeside.
Whoa, man. Stay away from that
woman. I'm serious. She is bad news.
Well, you don't
have to convince me.
Oh, Ricky,
this meet is so important.
I've just got to generate
more business.
Don't worry.
If we win it, they will come.
And we will win. Trust me.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
You mad at me? No.
Is it because I didn't get
the rec director's job?
No. Of course not. It's just,
it's different this year.
You mean
because of Ricky Wade?
No. It has nothing to do with
Ricky. He's ancient history.
Ancient history? Yeah.
Well, you know what they say about
history repeating itself, don't you?
Look, will you just...
Hark. Hark. What is this
my eyes see before me?
A man, a young attractive man standing
by himself on a porch at night
with a party going on.
Where's the party police?
Party police!
There's a man standing out here by
himself and his name is Victor.
I'm sorry, honest.
I didn't mean that.
Didn't mean what?
Take your choice.
Dumping water on everybody.
Smashing the women's shower.
Causing that.
Sorry. I'm such a klutz.
You did all that?
In one day?
Oh...
It's true. It is you.
It's the Devil.
Where's that sign?
"666 Damian."
Come on, Damian,
I know it's you.
I think I'm gonna change
that 10 to a 12. Yeah?
Numbers can't express
the way I'm feeling right now.
So basically, that's
the story of my life.
Getting in the way, ruining
other people's good times.
Don't worry about it, Victor.
Here, have a cigarette,
it'll make you feel better.
I don't smoke, Ricky.
Well, it's a good time
to start. Go ahead.
Okay.
Ow!
You see,
you shouldn't smoke, Victor.
Well, anyway, that's my biggest
problem. I have no friends.
That's why my parents
suggested I take this trip.
Maybe to meet some new people,
maybe even a girl.
A girl here at camp?
Wait a minute.
Girl. Camp. Girl. Camp.
Oh, my God, what a concept.
A girl in camp.
(EXCLAIMING)
Victor. Oh, thank you. Thank you,
Victor. Oh, Victor. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, boy, look.
It's a rock.
Actually,
it's a tombstone, Vic.
No, it's a feldspar.
It's indigenous to most mountainous
areas. See, I collect rocks.
You collect rocks.
Well, that's very
boring of you, bud.
It's Victor. I collect them
and I paint them.
Paint rocks, do you? Landscapes.
Animal faces. You name it.
Not much call for that kind
of thing, is there, Vic?
No, not at all.
This is it, huh? This is where the
infamous Thigpen legend began.
Isn't that right? Yeah.
Tell me, Victor,
you ever consider
taking your rocks and painting small
women with big breasts on them?
Boy, look, Ricky,
igneous specimens.
(BOTH GASPING)
Oh, my gosh!
What? Jeez. Oh, my gosh.
I knew it. God!
Friend of yours?
Well, he was all
into kissing me,
but I don't feel comfortable
around him anymore.
I don't know.
Something's changed.
Tell me what happened.
Stormed away as usual. Are you
kidding? I wanted to talk about it.
He didn't.
So, Kyle thinks that because
you weren't in the mood
it has something to do
with Ricky?
Uh-huh.
Well? Does it?
Good night, Jennifer.
You slut.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
What the...
What are you
doing here, Wade?
Well, this is bungalow
number two, isn't it?
Yeah, this is my bungalow.
Just one second.
Hold that thought.
Thanks a lot, Neil.
Well, guess
it's our bungalow now.
What hell
are you talking about?
Well, Neil said, "Go crash
in bungalow number two,"
and this looks like it would
be bungalow number two.
No, way. I'm the only one here
who sleeps in number two.
And I bet you're real proud
of that, too, aren't you?
Well, listen.
What do you say we just
let you blow off some steam?
Get out whatever you got to get
out. Let it out in the open.
Come on, just do it with me.
Breathe. It's okay.
It's okay. Let it go.
Come on. Let it go.
That rec director's job, that
was supposed to be mine, Wade.
I busted my ass for it
and I deserved it.
Let's not kid
each other, Wade.
I don't like you,
and you don't like me.
So, don't expect me to jump
up every time you call,
'cause it ain't
going to happen. Dig?
Finished?
Yeah, I'm finished.
Now, why don't we take your little ego
and put it in a box for awhile, okay?
And we'll get back
to it later.
Right now, let's worry about the future
of Lakeside and winning this meet.
And remember,
I'm in charge here. Not you.
Oh, and let's remember
something else.
I'm sleeping
on the bottom bunk.
Not you.
Okay, I want you
to remember something, Wade.
I'm with Kelly, now. Not you.
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
What's the problem, man?
My finger. My finger. Oh, God. It
cramps up like this all the time.
Last year I broke it
in a ski... Oh, God.
Oh, oh, you pull it. Get the
cramp out. Please. What?
I'm in so much pain. Please. Just
pull it. Just pull it. Just pull it.
(FARTING)
Thank you.
Oh, you're sick, man.
I know it. Smells good, too. No,
that's your feet. That's really gross.
(SIREN WAILING)
NEIL: Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
there's a fire. Fire!
(ALL CLAMORING) Wake up. Wake up.
Head for the center of camp.
Quickly. Quickly.
Head for the center of camp.
There's a forest fire.
Hurry. Wake up. Hurry. Hurry.
Save yourselves. Hurry.
Help pick up the fire buckets
and soak yourselves down!
Pick up the buckets and hoses and
soak yourselves down. Hurry. Hurry.
Men, pick up the women. Pick
them up. There's a fire coming.
Now, men, lift your left legs and
twirl around like a pretty ballerina.
(ALL LAUGHING)
NEIL: Good morning, campers.
Breakfast is now being served
in the main lodge.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(WHOOPING)
Jesus.
All right, Victor!
All right. Good. Good.
That's what I want to see.
Go, Wes.
Yeah.
Go, Victor.
(WHOOPING)
Hey, Hillary.
Why aren't you out there
trying out for the team?
Sorry. I just want to devote
some time to my body.
Funny you should say that.
I was just thinking about
devoting some time to your body.
Ah, Howie.
Now, I'm serious about this.
We're gonna go out there tomorrow,
and we're gonna have some fun.
We're gonna kick some butt.
And, wake up. God!
Now, you see the energy he just put
out? Now, that is what we need.
(WHOOPING)
Wes. Come on, Howie.
All right, Wes.
Oh, that's good.
I like that.
This is an improvement
I see here. This is good.
We actually might have a chance
of winning this year, Kell.
BOY 1: Talk. Talk. Music. Music.
Three words. Three words.
GIRL 1: Talk. Talk.
Three words.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Guns N' Roses!
Guns N' Roses!
(BOY WHOOPING)
WADE: All right. All right.
All right. Okay.
I guess you know
what that means, kiddies.
Time to take off
some more clothes.
Bullshit, Wade. Who's ever
heard of strip charades?
Well, obviously we all have
'cause we're playing it.
Now, we've had
a real hard week.
We're having some fun here.
Let's go. Get them off.
All right. That's good. I
like that. Good. Very Good.
There you go. Okay, let's see.
My turn here.
WADE: Okay, it's a nursery
rhyme, kids. Oh, God.
Okay.
GIRL 2: First word.
BOY 1: One word.
(ALL CHATTERING)
BOY 2: Come on.
Pump. Pump.
Humpty Dumpty.
You're right.
(ALL CHEERING)
All right, folks. All right. Come on.
My team take off a piece of clothes.
Okay.
(GRUNTS)
God! Not again,
this is the third time!
I'm sorry, Hillary.
Better see if she's all right.
You'd only help her if you
were never born, Thigpen.
WADE: All right. All right. Okay,
your turn. BOY 1: Let's go.
All right. Category is
"movie." All right.
Movie.
Kick some ass, man.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
(ALL CHATTERING)
The Mummy.
(CHOCKING)
He's choking. I got it. I got it.
The Exorcist.
Thank you. Thank you.
Boy, that was great, man.
I thought you were the greatest
charades player of all time.
I have had it with you, Wade!
Oh, great.
Just let everyone know about
our sex life. That's fine.
Okay, okay. I challenge you
to a game of chicken.
I never turn down a
challenge, you know. Good.
All right. Chicken. You guys are
talking about with cars here?
Cars? We don't need
no stinking cars.
All right. Remember.
There's one rule here.
Whoever bails out loses.
Hey, Jennifer,
you got the horn?
Good. All right. Let's jam.
This is ridiculous.
Boys.
Y'all ready?
Let's do it.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on a minute.
I think I lost my contact.
Since when have you
worn contacts?
Oh, yeah.
Never mind. Let's go.
One, two...
(HONKING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Kyle! Are you all right? Kyle!
Yeah. Shit.
Hi, sailor. Need a lift?
If only he took his talent
more seriously.
Ricky. Give it a shot.
There's only one man who can do
it, Neil. And you're the man.
What. Are you telling me
you're chicken?
Come on, Ricky. Concentrate.
One.
Two.
Help! I've fallen,
and I can't get up.
You see that, Neil?
That wasn't easy to mess up like
that. It took a lot of time.
Close. Very close. All you
need is half a revolution.
Yeah, well, don't go
saying that in Cuba.
You know, there's only one man
in the world
who's ever successfully
completed the triple hinge.
That's you.
You've got all the tools, son. Always
have. You just need to motivate yourself.
You have to want it
bad enough.
If you do,
anything is possible.
Anything.
Yeah, well, I don't know about
that, but what about you?
Why don't you get out there and put
on that old wetsuit again, huh?
Who knows? Maybe someday,
something will come along that
will motivate this old ski bum.
Excuse me. Do you know
if that ski meet is today?
Yeah.
Neil, motivation.
Good motivation.
Oh, motivated.
ANNOUNCER: Welcome,
ladies and gentlemen,
to the 15th annual
Challenge Cup Ski Meet
between Lakeside Ski Camp
and the Twin Oaks Resort.
The team events are
freestyle waterskiing,
Jet-Skiing, and the
always-thrilling ski jump.
Each team will be scored on style and
degree of difficulty by our judges,
Nelson Byers, Wendell Russell,
and Bambi "Yabbos" Yallowitz.
All right, team. Let's get psyched
up. This is ours. Let's go. Yeah.
All right. Huddle up.
Huddle up.
Come on. Lets get it together.
Let's do it, guys.
Now we're going to go out there,
and we're going to keep it simple.
We're going to do
the best job we can do,
and we're gonna
have some fun.
And we're gonna make
those scum-suckers
wish they never heard
of Lakeside.
Let's go. Kill it.
(ALL CHEERING)
Kelly. Come on, Kelly.
Way to go, Kell.
No. That's all right. That's
all right. Give it up for Ben.
Wes. Wes. Wes.
That was great.
Yeah.
Come on.
Yes, yeah.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go.
Come on, Victor. Yeah.
What the hell is he doing?
He's gonna try the ramp.
Stupid asshole.
ANNOUNCER: Seems our judges weren't
very impressed with Victor Thigpen.
Tough break, Victor.
You did good. You went
out there and you tried.
That's all that matters.
BOY: You get them next time,
man. All right.
Had to be a hero, didn't you?
ANNOUNCER: Going into our final
event, the men's ski jump,
Lakeside finds itself
with a comfortable lead.
Twin Oaks' only hope is their
Recreation Director Michael Peltz.
What a magnificent jump
for Twin Oaks.
Plenty of distance
and a near-perfect landing.
Let's see
how the judges score him.
9.4, 9.1 and 9.7.
And that effort
puts Twin Oaks back
into the lead by 13.4 points.
And now our final contestant,
Lakeside Recreation Director
Ricky Wade.
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
ALL: Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky. Ricky.
Ricky. Ricky.
Come on, man, let's nail it.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Wait. Hold on!
ANNOUNCER: Whoa. Look out!
Ricky Wade barely avoids a major
wipeout. This isn't over yet.
Let's see how the judges
score Ricky's jump.
4.1, 4.5 and 5.2.
And that means by four-tenths
of a point Lakeside wins.
How do you like that, Miss Shavetts,
huh? We'll see you next year.
Damn it.
(ALL CHEERING)
Hey, tough take-off, man.
You all right?
Am I all right?
Oh, yeah, I'm just fine.
Probably doing a lot better
than you right now,
'cause you got to go out
and look for a new job.
New job?
Yeah. Yeah. Do you understand
English? You're fired.
Fired? For what? Yeah.
For what? Well, let's think
about this.
I got it. It's probably because you tried
to dump me in that lake back there.
Oh, man,
you're so full of shit!
You were the one that almost
lost it out there, man. Not me.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Why don't you be man enough
to admit it, Wade?
Well, you're fired. I can be
man enough to admit that.
Neil, I mean, do something.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry, son.
That's Ricky's decision.
KYLE: Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Kyle, come back here.
You coming with me?
Why, I'm supposed
to decide...
I mean leaving these losers
and coming with me.
Kyle, I can't
leave my grandpa.
Fine. Then stay with him.
You did this on purpose. Just to hurt.
Why did you ever have to come back here?
Kelly, I...
And how could you let him?
Stuck in last night.
Really?
Did you see that?
You know something, Dick?
I'm starting to like this joint.
You know what I mean?
Relax. What have you,
never seen boobs before?
Hey, wait a minute. Are you
calling me a sissy boy?
Is that
what you're inlluding to?
"Inlluding to"? It's
"alluding to." Okay, Nunzio?
Alluding to.
Get something right.
So, you are calling me one.
Christ. You think
you know someone,
they turn around,
they stab you in the back.
Et tu, Bruno?
Shut up!
I never called you a sissy boy,
okay? And it's Brutus, okay?
Get it right. "Et tu, Brutus?"
Not Bruno. Moron.
WOMAN: Paging Dick and Nunzio.
Dick and Nunzio.
See Monica Shavetts
in her workout room.
Did you release
our recreation director?
Yes, ma'am, no problem.
That's right, Mrs. Shavetts.
And I personally guarantee
that dickhead won't be showing his
stinking butt around here anymore.
Well, I have
another assignment for you.
After this afternoon's
rather humiliating events,
I have decided
it's in my best interest
to expedite
Mr. Peterson's financial woes.
Am I understood?
Yes, ma'am.
As Mr. Peterson still offers
a money-back guarantee,
the thought occurred to me.
What if things became rather
unpleasant for his customers?
Yeah, they'd ask for a refund,
and he can't afford it.
Get on it immediately.
And be discreet.
Don't sweat it, ma'am.
Discreet is our middle name.
Funny, I thought
it was "dickhead."
Oh, my gosh, what a great day this
was. Did you see your grandfather?
In all the years that I have known him
I have never seen him so excited.
What's wrong?
Don't you feel like talking?
No, Jen,
I was just thinking to myself.
Really, Kelly, about what?
Oh, life,
health, wealth, security.
What it would be like
to sleep with the Terminator.
I'm sorry.
I just have a lot on my mind.
I know.
Kyle didn't call, did he?
I don't care if he does.
Really? Why?
Because of something
he said today.
He called everyone over here
losers. He meant it, too.
People here are my friends
and my family.
And I have no desire to be with
anyone who thinks of them as losers.
Yeah, you know, I'm starting to
feel the same way about Wes.
I mean, when Victor
fell off his Jet Ski today,
he just started
chewing him out
like it was the end of
the world or something.
I really don't like that.
Why did Ricky
leave you, Kelly?
I never knew.
You know, the day he left,
he didn't say a word.
And before that
we never had any problems.
I mean, you knew us.
We never fought.
As a matter of fact,
things were pretty terrific.
I was never happier.
Then all of a sudden it was
over, like it was all a dream.
Who knows? Maybe it was.
(EXCLAIMING)
(GRUNTING)
If you don't mind, we got a
teeny-weeny favor to ask y'all.
(GRUNTING)
Shake well before using.
Stop that, will you?
Pour the stupid thing.
All right. These girls are
going to look like Smurfs.
Hey, what is that?
Oh, my God!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(SLOW ROCK PLAYING)
Oh, God. Not now.
Hi, Hillary.
Look. I was just about to...
Wait. Please.
You don't have to explain.
I just wanted to apologize for all
the trouble that I've caused you.
You just came here like everybody
else to have a good time.
And it really hurts me to think that
I'm the one ruining it for you.
I'm sorry, Hillary.
I'm really sorry.
Bye. Wait.
It's Victor, right?
I'm telling you, man.
Tonight Hillary is mine.
Yeah? Yeah.
I don't know, man.
Looks like you might have to
wait in line. Check it out.
I am going to kill that tub of
lard. Hey, chill. Chill. Look.
First of all,
you kick fatty's ass,
and Hillary is gonna be pissed at you
and feel sorry for that guy over there.
Girls are all the same.
That's the way they work.
You got to play it cool.
You and I both know that.
Yeah. Look.
We'll make sure that the boy
from planet Vic gets his,
and sooner than he thinks.
Just a matter of time, huh?
BOTH: And how.
Nice night.
Oh, it's you.
Scared me.
Mind if I sit down?
Well, until the lab results come
in, I'll take that as a yes.
It's funny,
I remember that
the only time you used to come out here
at night alone and sit on the dock
was when something
was bothering you.
I guess tonight that something
is probably me.
Well, things are starting
to get back to normal.
I mean, I'd fallen in love with
Kyle. I'd gotten over you.
Then you decide to just breeze back
into town and mess everything up.
Now, wait a minute...
No. No. You wait a second.
You think you can just parachute in
here like nothing was ever between us.
Did you ever maybe consider how I
might feel if you showed up again?
Yes, I did,
as a matter of fact.
I thought about that and I knew
that you and Kyle were in love.
And that
you had this relationship.
I mean, everybody around
the lake knows about that.
And I thought that me being here
wouldn't bother you at all.
Wouldn't bother me?
You came in and fired him
so that he'd break up with me.
That's not true.
I did not fire him
so he'd break up with you.
But as a matter of fact,
you breaking up with him
is probably the best thing that
could have ever happened to you.
I mean, why did you ever
get involved with that jerk?
Because the other jerk in my life
took off and left me hanging.
Why did you leave me, Ricky?
I left you
because I was afraid, Kell.
You see,
your grandfather always said
that he wanted the best for you.
The absolute best.
You see, my problem
is that Ricky Wade has never
been the best at anything.
Ever.
And I don't want
to bring you down with me.
I didn't want to destroy your
future. So I left. I took off.
Because I cared.
I came back here
because I cared.
Your grandfather cares a lot about you
and he cares a lot about this camp.
And he wants you to have
this camp when he's gone.
And I want to see that happen.
I'm sorry, Kelly.
So sorry I hurt you.
Please forgive me.
NEIL: Kelly! Kelly!
Something must be wrong.
Grandpa's never up this late.
Tomorrow morning,
I'm closing the camp.
I have no choice.
The mortgage
and all these refunds...
It's simply
too much to handle.
Son, I want to thank you for
everything you've done for us.
You brought back
an awful lot of good memories.
Kelly.
Sweetheart, forgive me.
Oh, Grandpa.
(KELLY CRYING)
Ricky. What's wrong?
Nothing. Do you have any
broken glass I could gargle?
What is it?
Two of the biggest boobs
I've seen all night.
How do I look?
Great. Come on.
These must be really special boobs
if we have to sneak up on them.
These aren't boobs.
These are bad guys.
Son of a bitch!
VICTOR: My bungalow.
Who did this?
Oh, crap.
What?
I had some rocks I was painting to
look like dried fruit and nuts.
They must have took them.
(VICTOR SHUDDERING)
I think these guys
have seen too many movies.
Neil, I think
I've got a solution.
But it's gonna
take some big cojones.
My, my,
if it isn't little Rick.
My, my,
if it isn't little Dick.
MONICA: Dick, show him in.
Ricky. How nice
to see you again.
Please, come and sit down.
Would you care for a drink?
Yeah, sure.
I'll have a double-chocolate
decaffeinated milkshake
with a cherry.
Always ready with a joke.
I like that in a man.
Here's your drink...
Whoa!
Kyle! Nice outfit.
Hey, listen,
while you're standing there,
I got a little dirt
on my shoe.
You mind
polishing that for me?
Stop.
Now, sit down.
I wonder if he shits
on command, too?
(CHUCKLES)
That will be enough, you two.
Why did you
want this meeting?
I have an offer
from Neil Peterson.
Oh, interesting. Enlighten me.
He'd like to have a rematch
on the ski meet.
Another ski meet?
Why should we give you jerks
another ski meet?
Let me finish.
Now.
This time the stakes
will be bigger.
Much bigger.
If Twin Oaks wins,
he's going to accept that offer
you made him the other day.
However, if Lakeside wins,
you'll pay off our mortgage
and leave us alone.
When do you propose
this rematch?
The day after tomorrow.
So soon?
Well, for some
unexplained reason,
many of our campers
have decided to leave.
Same rules. Same judges.
What's your response?
I accept.
But on one condition.
If Lakeside loses,
you come back to work for me.
At minimum wage
for a period of 5 years.
What?
How important
is this to you, Ricky?
This isn't the world of chocolate
shakes and extra cherries, you know.
This is the real world.
Are you going to
put up or shut up?
Well, Monica,
I'll be putting up.
Come on, guys,
let's do it. Come on.
Anything's possible
if you want it bad enough.
Look at Michael Jackson.
Wes. Howie. Looking good. Hey, where
did you learn to ski like that?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Victor, the ninth
and tenth wonder of the world.
Hey, Victor.
Show me something special.
Come on, do it, baby. Come on.
I know you can do it.
Come on do it, man.
Do it. Do it. Yes. Yeah.
All right. Way to go, Thigpen.
Shit.
All right. Looking good.
Bring it on in. Let's go.
Come on, stay on the ball.
Let's go.
Yeah!
Jump the wake.
Let me see you jump the wake.
Yeah.
All right.
Solid move. Way to go.
My curiosity toys with me.
Tell me, Mr. Linck. What do you
rate our chances tomorrow?
Excellent. Beyond excellent. If I had
a million dollars, I'd bet it all.
Well, I wish
I had your confidence.
Unfortunately, I don't.
Which is why my two associates
here are going to assist you.
In the background, of course.
Assist me? Why?
We can win this thing, Monica.
I've put together
an excellent team here.
You are a very good
ski instructor.
But compared to Ricky Wade,
well, you're a novice.
Look, it's nothing personal, it's just
that, well, there's a lot at stake, and...
Hey, now, be a good boy and run
along and replenish my drink.
Everything prepared?
I contacted Chuck Lewis.
We'll take care of it tonight.
Excellent.
And it's all centered
around the ski jump.
Are there any questions?
Anyone? Anyone?
No? Good.
I don't think any of you
could ever possibly realize
the importance of this meet that
we're going to have tomorrow.
To me, and to the future
of Lakeside.
So, all I'm asking you
is that you
really try to go out there
tomorrow and do the best you can.
Please.
Let's hear it. Come on.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
ALL: Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
What are you doing? I thought
I told you to wear black.
It was on sale, all right?
Come on.
Hey, how much was the hat?
Well, it was $3.95...
Forget the stupid hat.
You do that again and I'll
kill you. It was an accident.
Accident? You're an accident.
Okay, come on. Let's go.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Beat Twin Oaks.
Shut up! Okay.
I want to get back
to business here.
I want you guys to go back to
your cabins and get some sleep.
Look sharp. I'll see you first
thing in the morning. All right.
Hey, you know something? Give me
one minute, I'll be right there.
But I thought we're going to go to
the dock. No, go ahead. It's okay.
Seriously, I'm just gonna hang
out and clean up a little bit.
Go ahead. I'll be right there.
It's okay.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm really excited
about tomorrow.
I think we're going to
win, Hillary. Me, too.
It's going to be
so great.
Ricky asked me to straighten up the
lodge a little before we split.
You think you can
give me a hand?
Sure, Wes. Yeah? Great.
Guess I'll see you
in the morning, Hillary.
Okay. Good night, Victor.
Good night.
You know what? Tell you what.
I'll stack the chairs, okay?
And why don't you
take the chalkboard
and stick it right over there
against the wall?
How does that sound?
Sure, Wes.
Great, man. Great.
Oh, no!
Oh, God!
(VICTOR CRYING)
You all right, man?
My arm. I think I broke it.
Oh, man.
All right.
We got to get him
to the hospital.
Turn him over.
Turn him over.
Help me out. Get him up.
Get him up. Come on.
WADE: Kelly, go get the car.
Okay.
(CRYING)
Are you proud of yourself?
What are you talking about?
Cut the crap, Wes.
I know you and Howie set this
up purposely to hurt Victor.
Do you think that humiliating people
makes you a big man, Wes? Huh?
No.
You are just
like my old boyfriend.
You don't give a damn
about anybody else's feelings.
And that makes you very small.
Very small.
I get the feeling
she's pissed.
Shut up, Howie.
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to a very special
unofficial rematch of last
weekend's Challenge Cup Ski Meet.
All right. Gather around.
Gather around.
This is it. Listen up. You guys lost
the last one, but now you got me.
And I'm not a loser.
So let's check our equipment, go
out there and kick some butt.
(ALL CHEERING)
ANNOUNCER: As you may recall
Lakeside defeated Twin Oaks...
This is it, guys.
This is very important.
I need you all
to do your best, okay?
We're gonna go out there and
we're gonna kick some butt.
You don't realize how much
this tournament means to us.
I mean, I don't think you'll ever realize
how much this tournament means to us.
We're gonna go out there,
and we're gonna do it.
And, also,
if you wouldn't mind,
I'd like to dedicate this day to
our brother-in-broken-arms man,
Victor Thigpen. Come on.
ALL: Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor. Victor.
Victor. Victor.
ANNOUNCER: So, how about it,
ladies and gentlemen?
Let the rematch begin.
Our first contestant is Lakeside
counselor Jennifer Lipton.
(SCREAMS)
Oh.
ANNOUNCER: Next up, Twin Oaks
Recreation Director, Kyle Linck.
Shit.
(GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
(GRUNTING)
(ENGINE CHOKING)
Whoa!
(SCREAMING)
Ricky!
Look. Something happened.
ANNOUNCER: Oh my! There's been an
accident involving Ricky Wade.
Let's hope
he hasn't been injured.
This is unbelievable.
Hey, guys. Guys. Guys.
Vic, go away.
Listen to me!
I need your help.
It's important.
(GRUNTING)
Okay. What happened?
I don't know.
The engine just died.
Watch his leg.
Watch his leg. Easy now.
(GROANS)
How are you feeling, son?
You ever play soccer
with a bowling ball?
That's about where
I'm at right now.
Listen, we've got to get
someone to replace Ricky.
We need every point
we can get.
WADE: All right, okay.
Hey. Come on. Everybody
come on, gather around.
Come on. I got an idea here.
We're going to think for awhile and then
after that we're going to think about it.
ANNOUNCER: Apparently Lakeside has entered
another skier to replace Ricky Wade.
When we're done with that,
we'll think some more.
Hey, you guys. Who's that?
ANNOUNCER: I have no idea
who he is.
Wait a minute.
It's Neil Peterson.
Lakeside's owner
and the only man to successfully
complete the famed triple hinge.
(WHOOPING)
Who are those guys?
That's... No, no, no!
Oh, my God.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, Victor.
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER: Now, let's look to our judges
to see how they've scored Neil Peterson.
8.7, 8.8 and 8.5.
And that narrows
Twin Oaks' lead to 3.2 points.
Grandpa, you handsome dog. I didn't
know you still had it in you.
Neither did I, sweetheart.
We now come
to the men's ski jump.
And as usual,
the outcome of the entire meet comes
down to this, the final event.
Good going, man.
Something must have motivated
you to get you out there, huh?
Well, I had to do something. This camp
is all I've got. It's all Kelly's got.
I know. I couldn't let
it go without a fight.
I know. I wish there was
something more that...
Listen, don't feel bad, son. You
did everything you possibly could.
And I mean everything.
Be proud. It's something
I'll never forget.
What a terrific jump for Twin Oaks.
That certainly won't hurt their score.
Ricky, since you're injured,
who's gonna jump?
Oh, that's easy.
That's gonna be...
Well, it...
It's your choice.
You're the man.
I'm the man, right.
Todd Christy's score of 26.3 puts
Twin Oaks ahead by 29.5 points.
Making Lakeside's chances
of winning virtually nil.
What? Virtually nil?
Virtually nil?
Look down your pants, you'll
find something virtually nil.
Kelly, give me my skis.
(ALL CHEERING)
Let's go!
What's this?
It looks like Ricky Wade
will be jumping for Lakeside
despite an apparent
leg injury.
You sure about this, Ricky?
I was born sure. Hit it.
Okay, here goes.
One.
Two.
Three. Yes!
Incredible!
Ricky Wade has completed
the triple hinge.
Only the second man
to ever do it.
Unbelievable.
Now let's check
the all-important scores.
Three perfect 10s.
Lakeside wins.
Lakeside wins. Lakeside wins.
No. No. No!
You bumbling idiots.
You're fired.
(SCREAMING)
Hey, Nunzio, let's go back
to the relocation program.
Yeah.
(ALL CHEERING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)
(HORN BLARING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
On time?
Eight seconds late.
Oh, crap.
I got to get this baby tuned.
Hey guys, see you. It was fun.
Bye, bye.
GIRL: See you later.
BOY: Drop me a line.
Take care. Wes. Howie.
Howie.
I had a good time.
Thanks, Jennifer.
I'll catch you inside. Okay, man.
See you in a minute.
Well, these things
definitely aren't easy.
I want you to know that I really learned
a lot about myself because of you.
I want to say thanks.
Hey, take care, guys.
Bye. Take care.
You got a little something...
Well, I guess
this is my cue, huh?
Yeah. All right.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey, Jennifer.
12-plus, huh?
See you later.
See you next year.
Howie!
Bye. Bye. Take care, you.
I'm gonna really
miss you folks.
Neil, some day I want to be able
to bring my kids to your camp.
You do that, son.
It'll be here.
Jennifer. Goodbye, Victor.
I hope you had fun.
Thanks.
Oh, Victor. Bye-bye.
Do you like my hair?
You look terrific.
I think I'm gonna
miss you most of all, Ricky.
Gosh. I suddenly feel
like I'm in The Wizard of Oz.
Take care, Thigpen. Okay,
no tongue, no tongue.
Now get out of here. Come on.
Get out of here. Go.
Bye, Victor.
Bye, Victor.
Bye, Vic. Hey, Victor,
where's your clothes, man?
Victor, wait. Wait for me.
Victor, I'll get us
some good seats, okay?
WADE: Hey. Hey!
Hey, Ricky. You think
my mom's gonna like her?
I don't know,
but your dad's gonna love her.
KELLY: Bye-bye. Bye.
Well, another summer
has come and gone.
But, you know, I have a feeling next
summer is going to be even better.
Don't worry, Neil,
I can guarantee it.
Leave. The movie is over.
Go home. The movie is over.
You paid your money. You saw
the movie. Now go home.
Oh, I got it. You're watching a
video. Okay, push "stop" now.
Better yet, push "rewind." That
way you save the 50 cents.
Look, this isn't working.
Some movie star you are.
I was in Goonies.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)