Minding the Gap (2018) Movie Script
BOY: That's how we do it in the hood.
BOY 2: That is not
how we do it in the hood.
-[LAUGHS]
-BOY 1: Now come up here.
Always ignoring the
"no trespassing" signs.
[LAUGHS]
What are you talking about?
We didn't even see 'em.
BOY 2: Scary, man.
Bing, I think I'm gonna die.
-BOY 1: We've got, like, six more.
-Are you fucking serious?
We have a long way to go.
We're not even halfway.
Okay, let's do it. Let's go up.
We're already going up. Come on, Kyle.
-No, I'm not going up. We're going down.
-BOY 2: You guys just called me a pussy.
We're going right back down.
Now that I got the Come on!
I just got the courage to do this.
We're going down.
It's over. I'm bailing out.
-Okay, I am with you. I don't want to die.
-I wanna go, but it's so scary.
BOY 1: Your whole life, society tells you
like, "Oh, be a man!" and "You're strong!"
And "You're tough!"
and "Margaritas are gay!"
You know, like You don't grow
up thinking that's the way you are.
When you're a kid, you just do.
You just act.
And then somewhere along
the line, everyone loses that.
[LAUGHING]
[HORN HONKING]
[DRUMMING]
[LOCK TURNS]
I really wanted to clean
up before you came over.
I actually spend, like, the
majority of my time here alone.
-BING: Why do you think that is?
-Let's go downstairs.
It's mainly just because I always
felt like I didn't fit in with my family.
It seems like they don't understand
why I skateboarded in the first place.
[SIGHS]
-[FIRECRACKER POPS]
-BOY: Do not shoot that at my house!
Sorry. I won't.
See, this is why we're not allowed
to go anywhere, is this right here.
-Oh! Oh! Oh!
-[DOG BARKING]
if you go behind if you go behind
a tree, you're okay. You've got cover.
-[FIRECRACKERS POPPING]
-[LAUGHTER]
Are you gonna put me
smoking weed in the thing?
BING: Maybe. I don't think just to do it.
I've given you free range.
I mean, I have no stipulations.
[COUGHS]
I've always needed more out
of life, more out of where I was.
You know, my parents ran
this very controlling house,
and so I ran away a lot.
By, like, 16, I was no longer
living with my parents, like at all.
I just wanted to fucking skate.
["VIDEO LIFE" BY CHRIS SPEDDING PLAYING]
Whoa!
You ready for some fucking intense action?
Take one.
No!
I'm gonna send myself an invitation
BING:
Say hello to the video life
I see that thing in there
moving around, Bing.
I know you're playing
with my face or something.
Stop filming, or he's going to crash.
Hope I get there right on time
BING: Somebody film! Somebody film!
ZACK: Oh, my God.
BOY: Oh, shit! There's the cops.
Video life
-Ah!
-GIRL: No, don't do it hard!
-BING: [LAUGHING] Oh, my God!
-ZACK: Oh, my God! Ow!
Repeat
In remote control
Video life
Dude, I'm, like, bleeding!
It's, like, in it.
BING: How long have you known Keire?
ZACK: Man, I wanna say when
I met Keire, he was, like, 11.
He'd ride the bus to the park and then
he'd pretty much be stuck at the park.
He'd have to ask everyone for money
so he could get enough for the bus home.
KEIRE: Well, I remember
the first time I met him.
I was standing where the bikers transfer,
and this dude hit me, like,
right in the ribs with his pegs.
And I remember Zack, he
just starts screaming at this kid.
"I'm gonna fucking beat your ass!"
Like, blah, blah, blah!
So I was like, "I want to
be like that guy." [LAUGHS]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
For fear of aerial warfare
Right here in your room
BING: What did you think of
me when we were growing up
and I was filming all of us?
KEIRE: [LAUGHS] I
always thought it was cool
how you can put all these different
moments into one long video
and just make it seem
like the best time ever.
God, no!
You've been filming the whole time?
I thought you were,
like, taking a picture.
Ah! [LAUGHING]
It's just like he touched
She just drove by and didn't even care!
Baby, baby, I love you so
God! Yes, yes!
ZACK: Fuck, yeah! Whoo!
KEIRE: Skateboarding is
more of a family than my family.
ZACK: We formed a family
together to look out for each other
because no one else
was looking out for us.
Video life
[CHUCKLES]
No, I'm not jumping in.
It could be three feet, I'd just
be like, "Oh, shit, I'm drowning!"
[BING, KEIRE LAUGHING]
-ZACK: No more smoking weed in the house.
-KEIRE: Good.
That's no more smoking
cigarettes in the house either.
Which I tried to break
myself of a while ago,
but there's so much trash on my porch,
and I just can't go back
out there and smoke.
-[LAUGHS]
-KEIRE: I don't know, I guess, like
It's just a bunch of boxes,
-from baby stuff.
-ZACK: It's boxes. It's baby shit.
Do you know how hard
baby shit is to put together?
Do you know how ridiculous this shit is?
They have five different languages
on the instructions, but not English.
And I'm like, "Why couldn't
I have just bought this?"
I don't understand why I had
to buy a box and put it together.
It doesn't make any fucking sense.
I can't believe that she's
just gonna have the baby,
and then they're just gonna be like,
"Okay, here's your baby. Go home."
I feel like somewhere along the line,
there should be, like, a
class for this or something
that I should have taken,
that I haven't fucked up.
KEIRE: I feel like life
might be moving too fast.
We have to fully grow up,
and it's gonna fucking suck.
-KEIRE: How'd you do that?
-[KYLE SHRIEKING]
-My beer! Oh, God! It's all over you.
-[DOG BARKING]
Yes!
That is fucking rad.
KYLE: I love you, Keire.
If somebody poked Keire in the eye,
-I would freak the fuck out.
-KEIRE: Poked me in the eye?
KYLE: "Oh, you gonna
poke niggas in the eye?"
That guy would be mad at you
for saying "nigga"! [LAUGHS]
Fuck 'em! He poked you in the eye.
He had it coming.
KEIRE: Yeah, he did have it coming.
He poked me in the eye.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
KEIRE: Hey, Kyle, so how are
you gonna get down off the roof?
KYLE: Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm gonna watch the fucking fireworks.
ZACK: How are we gonna get you down, man?
KYLE: A ladder.
ZACK: We don't have a ladder, Kyle!
KYLE: I'm having a good time because I'm
up on the top level of my fucking roof.
ZACK: This isn't a joke.
You're all fucking wasted, dude!
KYLE: It's not a joke.
ZACK: You're all the
way on the fucking roof!
But it's America's fucking birthday, dude.
-[KEIRE LAUGHS]
-KYLE: In the land of the fucking free?
-ZACK: Dude, I'm telling you.
-I'm on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof, dude.
Land of the fucking free
on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof.
-[FIREWORKS BURSTING]
-Fucking fireworks, dude! Yes!
-[SHRIEKING]
-KEIRE: Oh, my God.
KYLE: Happy fucking birthday, dude!
Whoo!
Oh, my God, dude!
-KYLE: Fuck yes, America!
-[FIREWORKS BURSTING]
[BABY CRYING]
[INDISTINCT]
NINA: I never thought I'd be
okay with changing a diaper,
but I'm pretty okay with it.
ZACK: We've been tag-teaming
it, though, so it's easier.
Yeah, it was so funny because I
had Zack give the baby a bottle,
and Keire was like, "Oh, my God ."
They were freaking out.
Yeah, it weirded him out the whole time.
He was like, "I can't believe
you're actually a dad ."
[CHUCKLES]
NINA: He was thrashing.
-[BABY FUSSES]
-Oh, don't become grumpy.
I would do anything for that kid.
I wanna give him every opportunity
I possibly can to help him succeed,
help him be happy, to be a good person.
It's interesting how much having a
kid will force you to, like, grow up.
I can't get home from work and fucking
drink a 12-pack like I normally do,
'cause what if I have to
get up and feed the kid?
Or what if something happens and
I have to take him to the hospital?
I don't know.
Lately, I've been having a lot of
anxiety about not feeling like a grown-up
and not feeling like I've done
enough things to set my life up properly,
and it's time I do something, you know?
So I need you to read over all of these.
These are the rules of the testing center.
Okay. No cell phone, no computer.
-WOMAN: Where do you work at?
-ZACK: Uh, I'm a roofer.
WOMAN: That's hard work.
It is. That's why I'm taking this.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I couldn't understand what
they wanted me to do, you know?
Like, by the way it was written, I just
[SIGHS] I was having trouble.
I just didn't understand. That was rough.
How are you today? What time is it?
BING:
Oh.
Fuck. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, man.
I'm at home. Bring me some
cigarettes and a beer for me.
I'll pay you when you get here.
Talking about Keire and
his skateboarding, y'all.
-Y'all know Keire and his skateboarding.
-Ah. Yeah, he be doing his little thing.
What's good, cousin?
I like talking shit to him,
being the little brother
Being the youngest brother.
You've got to think about it.
If he wasn't the youngest,
he'd probably been running the streets
with us, you know what I'm saying?
All I can say is I'm glad he
ain't where I'm at right now.
I've got to go do a few days, you know.
One thing about that, at least
I got an out date. Straight up.
All right, bro.
[KEIRE HUMMING, VOCALIZING]
Socks.
WOMAN: Keire is
quite different from the others.
I think about it a lot.
'Cause I want him to
start getting real serious
about what he's gonna be doing.
KEIRE: I turned 18 in, uh, November.
Ever since then, I just feel
like I should get a good job,
or get, like, a job,
just a job in general.
But I don't know. I'm becoming a man,
and I feel like that's
something I got fucked over on
because, like, my childhood
was a really shitty time.
[KIDS SHOUTING OUTSIDE]
The fuck is wrong with you?
Throwing your fucking board at me?
BING: Hey, kid, what happened?
What did he do?
Still wanna fight me now?
BOY: What happened?
You know what? Hey!
Yeah, yeah.
ROBERTA: Keire, he held in a lot.
And his dad, you know,
he was really kind of strict on him.
You know, his father was
He was a carpenter,
and he wanted Keire to do that.
Because he couldn't get the
other boys to follow his footsteps.
But Keire didn't like it.
-KEIRE: Damn it!
-Come on, hurry!
-Yeah!
-Do it, do it!
KEIRE: I don't know. Sometimes I'd
know that I'd have to work with him,
so I would sneak out my window.
I'd throw my board out
first and just climb out.
Then when I got home, I got disciplined.
And I wasn't able to skate for a while.
BING: How did you get disciplined?
Uh
I mean, well, they
call it child abuse now,
but it's not really chi Um
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Bitch! Ah!
That shit makes you angry, like, oh, God
It, like, boils my blood, dude.
Like, oh, fuck.
Fuck!
[YELLS]
BING: How bad did it get?
Like, did you ever cry?
Oh, of course. Of course, like
I mean [CHUCKLES]
Wouldn't you?
BING: I did cry.
I feel like everybody cries.
Is this the board you bought here?
-BING: Uh
-I think you did a while ago.
I remember we had this board in the shop.
I don't buy boards that much anymore,
'cause I don't skate that much anymore.
Dude, tell me about it.
I don't skate nearly enough.
I don't really remember
when I first met you.
I just You were just that kid that
was always there, you know, like
You'd come into the skate shop.
I don't know, we'd
talk about random stuff.
And that happened with a lot of kids.
And they could come in and be like,
"Yeah, dude, my parents
suck," or, "This is going on"
And they'd come in and unload, you know?
But, like, you were
introverted, and I didn't know,
and I remember distinctly
asking you if you were gay.
-Do you remember that at all?
-BING: No.
I asked you, like, "Dude, are you gay?
Like, what's"
I knew you had some huge weight on you.
And you were like, "Nah, dude," you know?
But I can't remember when you opened
up to me about your mom and stuff,
but you never really told me about
anything about what was going on with you.
And I guess in retrospect
now, when I look at it, I'm like
I should have totally figured that out.
I could tell with you,
from the very beginning,
skateboarding meant more to you
than just being cool and having friends.
It was your thing to, like, get away.
It was kind of a life-or-death thing.
ZACK: To other people, it's funny.
"Ha, ha. Oh, these guys are crazy."
But in reality, I think
it's a control thing.
You fucking have to control
the most minute, small details
to make you feel normal
in a world that's not normal.
[GRUNTS]
KEIRE: It would kind of
be like a drug, in a way.
Like, I could seriously be on the verge
of having a fucking mental breakdown,
but as long as I'm able to go
skate, then I'm completely fine.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah!
Here goes nothing.
[BOARD SNAPS]
KEIRE: As soon as the effect of the
drug wears off, it just comes back to you.
So, what happened?
Did we get paid yesterday? Or
I don't know.
I don't know either. I need my hours, man.
I got kids to feed!
Dude, my boss is seriously
such an asshole. It is crazy.
Like, fucking They're understaffed
now, and he just told me to clock out.
[SIGHS]
My budget is already spent out for a
week, so I'm a week behind every time.
So now I have to figure out how
to come up with three extra hours
on a schedule that I'm barely fucking on.
MALE NEWSCASTER: According to
research from the University of Illinois.
About 47% of all Rockford workers
60.000 total
Earn less than $ 15 per hour.
NEWSCASTER 2: Rockford has
struggled with unemployment for years.
Companies have left. So have the jobs.
FEMALE NEWSCASTER: Out of all of Illinois.
Rockford has seen the largest
number of people move away since 2010.
How many people are
gonna be at that table?
Could be anywhere from 12 to 15.
Great.
ZACK: Yeah, you took the hardest one.
Good job.
-[CUSTOMERS LAUGHING]
-[SPEAKERS: LOUD ROCK MUSIC]
There you go. There you go.
I'll get you all lined up there.
Come on, bud.
I feel weird 'cause like I don't know,
'cause I like talk to my
baby like baby voicing.
I mean, he's a fucking baby. That's how
you talk to him. I'm not gonna be like,
DEEP VOICE: "All right, Elliot, we're
gonna put your clothes on, little buddy!"
Nah, nah
It's, like, she works and I watch
him, or I work and she watches him.
I don't know. And other than
that, we're both pretty much around.
All right.
Here you go.
Is that that action you wanted?
Is that that action you like?
It's a hard-knock life being a baby.
It's gotta be stressful.
You've saved a bunch of time
by not having to walk and
go to the bathroom, but
And then someone just cleans it for you.
Someone feeds you every three hours.
See, I've been off work all week,
which normally never happens.
I haven't left this house in five days
'cause I haven't had time to do anything,
and I get cooped up super, super easily.
So that, you know, has
been driving me nuts.
Is that what you want?
You wanna come up here?
[ELLIOT GURGLES]
Hey, Mama's here!
-How was work?
-Eh.
ZACK: How was after-work drinks?
NINA:
ZACK: Jeez, girl, no
wonder you're always broke.
-Those things are probably, like, $7.
-They're $4.
[LAUGHS]
Are you gonna feed him?
No, I told you to.
I have to, like, get ready and meet Jess.
-What? You did not tell me that.
-Yeah, I did
You said, "I'm gonna feed him ."
You can't just feed him Like, 11 hours?
-Now you're going out to the bar?
-You did that for five months.
-You can't feed your fucking kid?
-You can't do it one day?
You can't feed him? What the fuck?
I'll feed him the bottle.
Just feed him the solid food.
That's all I want you to do.
His bottle's only three ounces.
He'll drink that in five minutes.
Then I've gotta take care
of him all fucking night still.
I haven't even gotten
my fucking jacket off.
Why can't you just feed him?
I was a stay-at-home mom,
and you said, "I work.
You take care of Elliot."
And I did. And now I'm working.
Right, and you show up
somewhere between 8:00 and 9:00.
-Just in time to put him to bed.
-That's a fucking lie too!
That's a lie too. That happened twice.
Last night was the only night
you stayed home all fucking week.
That's a fucking lie, and you know it!
-Whatever, you're an idiot. Just go away.
-No, you're a fucking idiot.
[SIGHS]
ZACK: I mean, she's, like,
going through something now.
She's newly 21 and
wants to go out every night.
And I told her, I'm like, "You had a kid.
Too late."
[ELLIOT FUSSES]
I love that girl.
I do want to be with her.
I just want her to chill the fuck out.
And I feel like it's just
been me, like a lot,
while she gets to go out every night
and do whatever the fuck she wants.
Drives me fricking insane.
[SIGHS]
KEIRE: My friend messaged me.
He was like, "Hey, I can get
you a job tomorrow if you want it."
And I was like, "Yeah."
But he was like, "But just to
warn you, it's really hard work."
I don't like telling people
that I'm a dishwasher,
but then again, I really don't
care, 'cause it's how I make money.
[CHUCKLES]
It's, like, definitely my first real job.
But I just don't want to work some
job that I hate for the rest of my life.
[SIRENS WAILING]
[ELECTRIC SAW BUZZING]
MAN: The Main Street
Skatepark, aka "the park Zack built."
ZACK: Main Street Skatepark was
a skate park I had started with a guy
that had run a gym for a long time,
and he was looking for an extra source
of income during the winter months.
You know, I had told
him, "I have all this wood.
We could build a skate park."
I'm calling it the Keire box right now,
because it's really
weird-shaped and long, crazy
[LAUGHS] What the fuck?
That's how you are too.
Keire just walks around like
Just lanky, like your arms are
six feet in front of you at all times.
We have two-by-fours.
[BUZZING]
[DRILL WHIRRING]
-Boom.
-[LAUGHS]
ZACK: A-one and a-two and a-three
My father was a carpenter. I learned
a lot from him and a lot from my family.
In the '80s, my father
started a skate park
in my grandmother's roller rink.
And they managed the only
indoor skate park in the area
for eight years, or something like that.
I was kind of raised to, you
know, do what you want to do.
And then somewhere along the
line, he just, like, flipped a switch,
like, wanted to become
like a conservative American.
All of a sudden, there were all
these rules and expectations.
They were, like, pushing me into this mold
of someone they thought was a good person.
And I'm like, "Fuck that!"
I remember when I was a kid,
we fucking sang punk music
and fucking smoked joints.
Like, you know, fuck that.
All right, fine, I'll find a
babysitter then, and then fuck you.
I guess I'll talk to you later.
First of all, you're supposed
to have him until 6:00 p.m.
so I get my Saturday dates.
You knew since Monday
that I had plans today.
Zack, you shouldn't have
fucking made plans for a Saturday.
Because this is supposed to be my day.
I never get a day to myself.
-You get days off all the time.
-No, I don't.
-ZACK: I only get two days off a week.
-When do I get a day to myself?
-This is supposed to be my day today.
-Okay, bye, Nina.
[SIGHS] Ain't that just the way?
BING: Have you and Nina
ever, like, just tried talking it out?
Successfully? Nope.
He's just so excited.
I know.
He's had a good day. We're just
playing outside and doing fun stuff, huh?
We have a fire going. Oh, yeah,
you want to put some boards on it?
-Yeah.
-Okay, I'll hold the baby.
You put some boards on there.
NINA: Me and Zack just fought a lot,
and eventually, I just had to leave him.
[LAUGHS] Like, I can't do this anymore.
Look at Mama.
NINA: Especially being a mom,
you don't want to see your
kid in an environment like that.
-This should be good, right?
-VICKIE: Yep.
NINA: I didn't really have anywhere to go.
And my aunt and uncle, they just wound
up being like, "Hey, we wanna help you."
-It's down there?
-Yeah.
NINA: In a perfect world, me
and Zack would still be together.
But, I don't know, I want
it to work out with him.
He just doesn't get it.
BING: I feel like a lot of
our parents are not together.
Were your parents divorced?
KEIRE:
ROBERTA: Well, he stayed with his dad
because he told me he
could raise him better,
because he could teach
him things that I couldn't.
[GRUNTS]
KEIRE: I really hope that
I don't get back in there
and there'll be the same amount of boxes.
[GRUNTS]
You know, like, I lived with my dad,
but he kept trying to make me
work, like, every single weekend.
And I was like, "Come on.
I've got to skate. I've got to skate."
Fuck.
Then we got in, like, a fight.
He was like, "I'm your dad.
You're going to work."
And I was just like, "No."
Then I tried to punch him.
And then I moved out, like, the next day.
Yeah, actually, one of the last things
I said to my dad was, "I hate you."
I was just so fucking angry
'cause he just kicked my ass.
BING: Did you see any violence in your
household when you were growing up?
I don't know, man. That's
That's a tough question.
It's hard It depends on
what you determine is violent.
When I was a kid, if I was fucking up
I got my ass whupped.
I feel, like, everyone does.
I mean
Some people got it
worse than other people.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
BING:
Yeah.
This was my dad's closet, specifically,
and he'd hide everything right here,
like my PlayStation controllers,
entire computers, toys.
And then his vintage porn was, like,
in the corner right there in a stack
Along with, like, several
firearms that were on the floor.
I used to judge my relationship with
my father based on a day-to-day basis
on how many things I've done
to piss him off in that given day.
And this day, that I was
here playing on the computer,
felt like a good day,
that I hadn't done anything wrong.
It all went without a hitch.
We hadn't talked very much.
There wasn't much opportunity
for me to do anything bad.
But then he just comes in, looks at me.
I turn up and look at him
And he just says that
I look fucking stupid.
And he walks out, and I
thought that was the end of it.
I was like, "Oh, well, okay.
That's not too bad ."
But then he comes back in
with a pair of, like, meat scissors
and he just starts
He just, like, grabs my head
and starts hacking my hair off.
I always shut the doors because, you
know, it keeps the [CLEARS THROAT]
It keeps the heat in.
That was another thing worth punishing.
BING: Where was your room?
Oh, my room, that's right.
This used to be my brother's room.
BING:
Eh, that's true. Um, yeah.
[SIGHS]
I remember hearing beating and
screaming coming from your room,
and it was like
Unnerving screams of
anguish, almost, and it was, like
Really, really unnerving.
It was almost scarring.
Mom?
ROBERTA:
Yeah, I have to wash my
clothes and my blankets.
ROBERTA:
And my my blankets. I just need two.
ROBERTA:
Okay.
-Thank you.
-MAN: She said put one in each wash.
-KEIRE: Okay. Thank you.
-MAN: All right.
My mom has this new boyfriend,
and I don't really like him.
BING: So do you have a
new, uh, man in your life?
A new man in my life?
-BING: Yeah.
-[LAUGHS]
Hey, ain't that sort of personal there?
[ROBERTA'S BOYFRIEND]
Oh
[ROBERTA'S BOYFRIEND]
Yeah?
I'll be back in a minute.
PARTY GUESTS:
Happy birthday, dear Elliot
Happy birthday to you
[ALL CHEERING]
He said, "What the hey?" [LAUGHS]
Zack, look up.
[ALL CHATTERING]
Aw, Elliot, it's all up in your neck.
NINA: My family, when I grew
up, we were all very distant.
It was very chaotic and I'd just
stay in my room the whole time.
I think 'cause of the way that I grew
up, I really desperately craved love.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[GURGLING]
ZACK: I think my dad
had me when he was 21?
And my mom left when
I was two or something.
And so I think I was
always looking for something
from my dad that I didn't get.
Like, maybe something that I
was supposed to get from my mom.
Oh, no, it's okay, it's okay.
Elliot, rip that off.
-WOMAN: Oh, all right!
-[GUESTS CHEERING]
-ZACK: Bye, baby.
-[KISSING]
-I loves you. Give me a hug.
-NINA: I love you.
Love you, Nina.
I was telling Bing about how you went on
a date with Katie and I almost killed her.
-Yeah.
-It was bad.
No, like, I usually
don't get like that, but
She showed up at 11:00 at night
with this other girl ready to fight.
See this? You see what I'm dealing
with all the time? This little bitch.
Oh! Oh, yeah, real slick there.
Fuck!
[FRIENDS CHEER]
You got this.
All right, man. Here it is.
-ZACK: Yeah!
-KYLE: Fuck, yeah!
That trick made me want to touch
my body, Keire. I'm not gonna lie.
KEIRE: I mean, if you want
to take a shower [LAUGHS]
-Oh, my God.
-Fuck, dude.
That looks fucked up.
KYLE: That was crazy.
KEIRE: This is the
result of all those times
I ran away from home to the skate park.
I would love for my dad to see
how much progress I've made
since I was a little shithead
trying to skateboard.
Like, it would bother me.
Maybe he'd just be like, "Ah, damn,
you weren't just wasting your life."
[INDISTINCT]
ZACK: I know their relationship
was definitely strained.
And I don't think Keire really realized
how much his dad meant to him
until his dad actually did pass away.
KEIRE: The day that my dad
died, I had just got out of school.
It was, like, a Friday,
and, uh, I'd just got off the bus.
My mom was just, like, freaking out.
As soon as I got home,
she was freaking out.
And she was like, "He's gone, he's gone!"
And I didn't wanna believe it.
So I was all mad at her for saying that.
I was like, "Dad's strong.
He's not dead. Whatever."
And they brought him out on the stretcher,
and I was just like, "Holy fuck."
Like, he actually looks
kind of dead right there,
and I was just like, "Fuck."
And I don't know, it's just
[SNIFFLES]
I don't know, uh
[SNIFFLES] It's weird. It's just
It's just really difficult for
me to explain right now.
-Hey!
-KYLE: Well, hey there, bud.
Elliot.
I love you.
Ready? Come play with Daddy.
[PLAYS NOTES]
Buddy, like this.
Just one finger, just one.
[FUSSING]
[GIGGLING]
Yeah!
Hold him like this just real fast.
All right, I'll hold him for a second.
Yeah, come here, bud.
ZACK: Yeah!
We're gonna make it through the poles?
We're gonna make it? Whoa!
[SIREN WAILING]
BING: So what, uh
What have you guys been up to?
ZACK: Uh, lately, we've been adjusting to
I don't know.
I asked if I could see my son every day,
and I only get to see him,
like, three times a week.
It's really been bumming me out.
And she's been, like
She's talking a bunch of shit, you know,
calling me a piece of
shit and all this stuff and
-It got out of control, man. I don't know.
-All right, so this is the video.
NINA [ON VIDEO]: Get off of me!
I hate you!
ZACK [ON VIDEO]: I don't trust you!
NINA: 'Cause I hate you
and I will fucking stab you.
I will fucking stab you
in the fucking neck. Zack!
-Fucking die, die, die!
-ZACK: Knock it off!
So fucking bugged, dude.
NINA: Get off me!
-ZACK: Then stop it!
-NINA: Die!
-ZACK: Are you going to stop?
-NINA: Die!
You're doing this. I'm already
It's like you want me to fucking kill you.
You're asking for it!
BING: Kyle showed me some
recordings of you and Zack fighting.
-I bet he did.
-[BING CHUCKLES]
What What were those fights about?
What were they like? Why did they
Well, if he showed you
the one where I'm like,
"Zack, I'm gonna
fucking kill you right now,"
he beat my ass ten minutes
before Kyle took that video.
And he didn't decide to record that part.
You know I've got a scar
going down my eyebrow.
I've got
He broke his coffee tables with my body.
[LAUGHS] Like
Obviously, I'm not in the state of mind
I'm not I'm going crazy at this point.
Because I'm a little girl.
You know what I mean?
And you have wasted Zack doing all that,
and then it's like, yeah, I'm gonna
Yeah, of course I'm gonna tell you
I'm gonna fucking kill you if you do.
You know? I don't know.
BING: I didn't know that.
Why was he hitting you?
Um, he gets wasted.
He, you know We'll start fighting
and then he'll take it
completely out of control and
But, I mean, that's not the first time
it's happened either, that recording.
And I mean, I've been pretty bruised up.
I'd have, like From him hitting me,
I'd have, like, a huge
bruise just all over.
And then, you know,
he'd see them the next day
and he wouldn't even say anything,
not even a sorry or anything like that.
We'd just kind of ignore
it like it didn't happen.
So
BING: In a way, your footage
will offset with my footage
because this is the only time
that I haven't shot in the movie.
So it's like it You know
So, like, even when during the interview,
when you shoot me and
getting my reaction shots,
it'll like I don't know.
We moved to Rockford
when I was eight or nine,
and my mom met my stepfather.
One day when she was working at
the pizza restaurant, this man came in.
He had been a regular.
He'd seen her before.
Um, and he started getting to know her.
And then one day, he followed her
home, found out where we lived, and
Then he became my stepdad.
[LAUGHS]
But, um, you know, I
think that I was blaming her
for sort of abandoning
me when I was a kid.
[CHATTERING]
Mom, can you clap your
hands just in front of your face?
Okay.
-[CHUCKLES]
-What's that for?
BING: It's for a sound thing for later.
Can you see my face okay?
-No, not Now is okay.
-BING: Now? Okay.
So I'll just try to hold it here for now.
MENGYUE: Now that Right, I
can see your eyes. You're a little
I know it's hard with all the lights.
I'm sorry.
Um, so I'm curious. Uh
-Who's Dennis?
-MAN: Hold on one sec.
-Oh.
-MAN: Sorry.
Okay. Sorry, Bing.
Who is Dennis? Why did you ask that?
BING: Um, because
MENGYUE: You know who he is.
Well, I don't feel like I know who he is.
Did you know that, um
The first time I was ever alone
with him, that's when he grabbed me?
He did He what?
The first time I was ever alone
with him was the first time
-MENGYUE: He beat you?
-He grabbed me and beat me, yeah.
I mean, how much did you
know about what was happening?
-Because you were always gone working.
-MENGYUE: Right.
Because he had retired pretty
soon after you and him married.
MENGYUE: Right.
And so you weren't home that much.
I was just with him.
I think, uh
[SIGHS]
I don't I don't know what to say now.
I wish I can go over it
and do again, do differently,
but I really don't know what to say now.
It's all past. I
[SIGHS]
I did not know it was that bad.
I did not know he was that
bad, especially behind me.
I was [SIGHS]
I wish I was stronger than I wasn't.
I don't know. I
I don't know what to say.
What
I mean, but didn't he
When was the first time that he hurt you?
I don't know what happened.
He come to choke me.
Yeah, he have a few times
So
But the thing is, as I tell you
With him
FEMALE NEWSCASTER:
The city of Rockford is ranked
as the number two most dangerous city
with a population under 200.000 people.
NEWSCASTER 2: Last year, the Department
of Justice created a 63-page report
just for Rockford to help it
with its violent crime problem.
NEWSCASTER 3: The
Rockford police department
presenting final crime
statistics for 2015.
About a fourth of that violent crime
can be attributed to
domestic violence incidents.
[EXHALES]
[BELCHES]
BOY: You know what I found out today?
Skateboarding taught me how to be
passionate. That's where it all started.
-ZACK: That's where it all started?
-Yeah.
-[BOY 2 LAUGHS]
-I'm telling you.
-I didn't mean to laugh at you.
-BOY 1: It's all right.
-I knew you were probably just kidding.
-I don't like emotions.
That's why I mean, I'm like my dad.
"There's no such thing as emotion,
only work and getting back to it."
[CHUCKLES] "if you work hard
enough, all your problems will go away."
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
All right, I'll be down in,
like, five minutes. Hold on.
-BOY 2: Zack.
-ZACK: Hmm?
BOY 2: I thought you
weren't with Nina anymore.
Um, I'm not really.
We're, like, talking now.
-[STEREO: ROCK MUSIC]
-How was work?
NINA: Eh
-It was okay.
-I like your hair. It's all swirly.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm sorry. I won't be nice to you
next time. I'll not say anything.
No, your hair looks like shit, Nina.
-You're welcome.
-I'm not used to you being nice to me.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
-Stop, Zack! I'm driving!
-[LAUGHING]
-Trying to be a real badass, huh?
-I'm driving.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
-[ELLIOT CRYING]
-NINA: You're freaking Elliot out.
ZACK: Elliot's not freaked out.
Maybe he's a little freaked out. Nah!
NINA: Stop!
ZACK: All right, I'll be back.
Veggie burrito, potatoes, horchata.
BING: So you guys are looking
better than ever? Like, what's
NINA: I'm gonna take it day by day,
because I feel like he's just
gonna let me down again.
So, if I don't take him seriously,
I'm not gonna be let down.
So I'm just going with it, I guess.
BING:
-To him?
-BING: Yeah.
Don't. That's a bad That is No.
I just think it's so prevalent,
the, like, violence towards women
and I saw it towards my
mother, and I just think it's
Right. I don't think they
She had the same idea. She was like,
"I don't want to speak out," you know?
Right, I mean
I don't know, especially with me
and him kind of being okay right now
and like hanging out, all
that would go down the drain.
BING: Okay.
-[SIGHS] But, yeah.
-[DOOR OPENS]
That took a long time.
ZACK: Fifty bucks.
-NINA: That's 50?
-Yeah.
BING:
I'm fucking beat, dude.
[LAUGHING] Like, I don't
know what else to say. I'm beat.
Wait a second.
Dude, what's today?
BING:
[SCOFFS] I thought it was fucking Friday!
I don't have to go back to work.
[LAUGHING]
Yes! Oh, my God! Yes. Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS]
BING:
I got my car probably a month or two ago.
How many people do you know
have a portable ledge on the back?
I quit. [LAUGHS]
I feel, like, if I stay here,
I'm just gonna get stuck here.
[SIREN WAILING]
But moving out has always been scary.
I don't wanna just move out and
by the time rent comes around,
I don't have the money, because
then I look stupid and irresponsible.
What's good, Marlon?
Yo.
-Yo, we're filming that rap video.
-We're filming a rap video.
-We just don't have the guns.
-Driving that '99 Mercury Sable
MAN: Ain't got women either.
Where's the women?
-[LAUGHS]
-No, we're not guilty.
-MAN: I believe that.
-MARLON: We didn't do it!
KEIRE: He's like,
"That's what they all say."
[BOTH LAUGH]
You see that shit right there,
like, right above the speedometer.
I have my registration and
my insurance and my license.
So you don't have to reach
for anything in your pockets.
Dude, the cop was like,
"License and registration."
And I was like "Sure." And I reached
over there to the fucking glove box,
and the cop over there was like
I was just like, "Oh, whoa!
Don't fucking shoot me."
They're like, "Calm down!"
I was like, "What do you mean calm down?"
-You guys fucking calm down.
-You fucking pulled your gun on me
for obeying what you said. [LAUGHS]
MARLON: It's just a
bunch of shit, you know.
-ZACK: Did you see that one?
-At, like, the gas station? Yeah.
He's like, "Give me
your driver's license."
That fucking terrifies me.
So the guy goes in his
car to get his driver's license
and the cop just shoots
him, like, four times.
I could die really easily here.
Dude, no, this is the funniest video ever.
I have to show you guys.
MAN [ON VIDEO]: Buff niggas, dark niggas.
[LAUGHS]
Asian niggas, white niggas
MAN 2: Suck my dick, bitch!
MAN 1: Hundreds of niggas is
waiting for your motherfucking call.
They all talking shit about you.
[LAUGHING]
Call these motherfuckers ASAP.
[HARMONICA PLAYING]
KEIRE: Growing up, my
dad would always tell me,
"Keire, you have a lot of white friends,
but don't forget that you're Black."
NINA: Are you gonna take a nap, buddy?
Look who's home! Hi!
I'm going to try to lay
him down for a nap.
Let me have a kiss first!
I get him first! [KISSING]
We didn't, like, hug or
anything in my family.
So when I first moved out
from me and Zack's apartment,
my aunt would give me a hug
every night before I went to bed.
And it was so weird to me at first.
I'd be like, "Oh, you're touching me.
Don't, please!"
And after a while it was like, "Okay,
I'm going to bed. Where's my hug?"
It's nap time, baby.
I never really knew what a family was.
[LAUGHS] Are you okay?
My aunt and uncle showed me that.
They pretty much adopted
me at the age of 21.
That stuff scares me. When he
gets on a skateboard, I'm just like
VICKIE: Mm-hmm.
You need to find him a little helmet.
Yeah.
Come on, bubba.
Now I know what I want
my family to be like someday.
BING: How have, uh, you and Zack been?
Um, same as always.
He's just doing his own thing. And
MAN ON TV: This looks
like a job for Superman.
BING: is it hard for you
to move on from him?
I mean, I don't go one day
without thinking about him
Or worrying about him
or, like, wishing he'd call.
And, you know, not even
just for me, but for Elliot too.
I don't know.
BING: Why do you put up with that though?
I mean, even though
I've seen the worst of him,
you know, I know that there's a
lot of good things about him too.
I need a fries, please,
for this steak sandwich.
Here you are, sir.
All right, I'll go grab you a menu.
Seriously, man.
[LAUGHING]
This is so much better than being
back there and having to do all of that.
[LAUGHS]
Right now, I don't have to ask my
mom for money. I can give her money.
Our water was gonna get cut
off, and I helped pay the bill.
I felt really good about that.
With Zack, we have
drifted apart a little bit
just 'cause I'm not over
there, like, every day.
[LAUGHING]
I started hanging out with my
younger skate friends again.
I noticed that they were on a better path.
BOY: What classes are you taking?
-Graphic arts technology, graphic design.
-So, gen ed of liberal arts.
I'm just gonna try to get
something general at first
-and see what kind of jobs I can get.
-[KEIRE LAUGHS]
BING: So you guys are getting your GEDs?
Um, I am. Evan has his. He graduated.
And like I don't know.
It's just, I could prove people wrong.
Oh, yeah, dude!
I remembered something that
my dad told me about being Black.
He said, "Being Black is cool
because you get to prove
people wrong every day."
MARLON: Yeah.
Like, you sound the way
that you sound, so you don't
You know, it's like you
just prove them wrong,
and they probably feel a little
shitty for profiling you. [LAUGHS]
I can't even imagine feeling like that.
I was only the only white kid for,
like, four years at Ellis in my class,
so I had to learn real quick
that like, "Oh, shit, I'm in trouble."
Like, right away, people
were mad at me for being white
after our first history class.
In reality, you don't have as
much say, 'cause you are white.
But you just get
But I'm educated though.
You're educated 'cause you went
through just as much high school as him?
-'Cause I fucking read and shit.
-So you know more than him?
Even though your race didn't go
through the same things as his did?
Because my race went through
it doesn't mean I went through it.
Like, he doesn't have the same
disadvantages every day you don't have?
There's a certain class of white
that's easy to be white in America.
But then if you're, like,
trailer trash white and shit,
then it's not easy to live in America.
-I feel like it is easy though.
-MARLON: Yeah.
You could just cut your hair
and go and get a fucking job
'cause they're not
going to look at you like
BOY: But when you're
fucking stupid, you can't do that.
If you're stupid, you can't do that.
KEIRE: When I was younger,
I didn't really understand why my dad
would talk about being Black so much.
But I remember, he was like,
"if you could choose
again, choose to be Black."
And at first, I didn't get it. I was like,
"Why would you want to be Black
when all this shit's happening to us?"
But he explained it as, like,
because we have to deal with these issues,
it just makes other things that my
white friends would complain about
not even be a problem to me.
ZACK: My father's skate park went under
because of a downfall in skateboarding.
Mine didn't succeed because I
got hooked up with a bad partner.
One day, he calls me and he's like,
"Hey, I'm gonna go on a vacation."
And I fucking never heard
from the dude again. Never.
Come to find out the guy
had never paid any of our bills.
All the money we were making,
everything, he just was keeping it.
That fucked me over. I mean, I've never
I don't feel like I've done anything
I've ever wanted to do with my life.
BOY: There it is.
That's a five-day notice.
I try not to come over here, just
like Zack and Kyle don't. Clearly
-I mean, do you even want to be here? No.
-BING: Why is all that shit broken?
-What?
-BING: The ground.
-The ground?
-BING: Yeah, what is all this?
BOY: Poop. This is all poop, dude.
All right, let's get out
of this fucking place.
I feel like I never see Zack.
I remember when I used to skip school,
and I was just like, "Oh,
he didn't finish school.
He's doing fine. I'll be fine."
Yeah, but I see them
now, I'm like, "Fuck."
I don't know. I don't think
they have electricity right now.
-That's kinda
-EVAN: Yeah, that's what I heard.
That's fucked up.
KEIRE: When I was younger, everyone just
seemed like they had it all figured out.
[LAUGHS] Which was the dumbest
thing that I could have ever told myself.
No one knows what the fuck they're doing.
What kind of filming are we doing,
the kind where I pretend
you're not there or the other kind?
BING:
Where we talk the whole time.
[BOTH LAUGH]
BING:
[SPITS]
Okay.
All right, think I got it?
Oh!
I didn't plan on moving out here at all.
This broad that lives out here hit me up.
She bought me a plane ticket,
got me like a $180 Uber to
the fucking Milwaukee airport.
Came out here.
I was originally gonna
be out here for two weeks.
And she's like, "No, you're
just going to live with me now."
You know?
I'm not picky.
I was like, "All right." [LAUGHS]
I don't know. I'm doing pretty
good out here though. I'm working.
I've been drinking a lot less and
I'm definitely not fucking off as much.
What's this one? Oh, fucking roast beef.
Can you hear me in your
headphones right now?
BING: Yeah.
There's liquor in this cup.
NINA: All right, so West State Street
There's Walnut, so I
need to be going that way.
ELLIOT: take a ride?
What?
-Mama.
-NINA: Baby.
Take a ride.
What?
Take a ride.
Zack told me that he
was going to Colorado,
but he said that he was only
going for a couple of days.
And then he wound up calling me
while he was there, like,
"Oh, I'm gonna stay here."
[CHATTERING]
NINA: When he does get stable,
he's gonna want to be with Elliot again,
and he's gonna want to be a
family, 'cause that's what he tells me.
But then again, all I
really have is his word,
which I don't even know if that's true,
because there are so many lies.
You know what I mean?
Oh, I'm drunk as fuck.
This is a perfect night.
KEIRE: It's hard to get
who Zack actually is,
because there's so many versions
of him that he'll tell you about.
It's frustrating, 'cause you're
supposed to be my homey,
but I feel like I don't know the real you.
NINA: [GASPS] You spilled
juice all over your pants. It's okay.
WOMAN: Oh, hi, Elliot. Hey, Nina.
-NINA: Hi.
-WOMAN: You look cute.
NINA: Yeah, I figure if I'm gonna
go do this at the courthouse,
I need to look presentable.
He needs to know that
there's consequences.
Like, you can't just have
a child and abandon them.
Life doesn't work like that,
and he needs a reality check.
And I feel like, you know,
this is a good way to do that.
I'm here to try and start
the process of child support.
WOMAN: You said child support?
NINA: Maybe that will also encourage
him to want to come around more.
It's, like, maybe if he's paying for
him, he'll want to see him, you know?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to do what I can, I guess.
I'm just playing. Don't start crying.
Look how much fun jumping is though
when you don't have to cry
Mom. Mom, she's making noises.
Come on, come on
See, everyone loves Grandma.
No one likes their uncle.
[LAUGHS]
BING: Are you still with
Are you still with your boyfriend?
What boyfriend?
BING: I thought you had
a boyfriend for a while.
No, he wasn't a boyfriend.
He was a stupid friend.
No. He's not around
anymore, thank goodness.
Gonna throw you off!
KEIRE: The older I get,
the more I think about it,
and I feel like there's a part of
me that really loves my family.
-All right, all right, calm down.
-Ah!
[LAUGHING]
KEIRE: I guess because
family will always be there,
but friends, kind of, can come and go.
-Stop it!
-KEIRE: God.
-What's up, fool? How you doing?
-BING: What's up, guy?
-How's it going?
-Good.
BING:
I know.
Happy to be home, I'll tell you what.
-Let's do this.
-God, Zack.
-[GRUNTS]
-GIRL: Zack!
ZACK: Denver wasn't really my style.
I felt like a lot of the
people that were down there,
a lot of them were privileged.
And so Sam, my current girlfriend,
flew me back out to Rockford.
I have Sam's name
tattooed on my wrist now.
BING: When did you get Sam's
name tattooed on your wrist?
-SAM: When or why?
-Uh, Saturday?
I don't know. [LAUGHS]
-ZACK: She paid for it.
-I paid for it.
Do you feel concerned that Elliot's
gonna grow up, like, messed up?
I'm 50-50 about it.
Lately, I have been concerned
over my influence on him.
And as he gets older
How he's gonna look at the difference
between the way his family
lives and the way I live.
And a lot of people
grow up and they're all,
"Oh, yeah, I'm fucking gonna play football
and I'm gonna go to college and
I'm gonna get this nice office job
and start a family and have
2.5 kids and a car and a garage.
And everything's just gonna be nice,
and I'll buy a boat and a snowmobile"
Like, fuck you, you piece of shit!
Just 'cause you're too fucking
weak to make your own decisions
and decide what you
want to do with your own life
doesn't mean everyone
else has gotta be like you.
[LAUGHS] I don't know. Fuck.
I don't Ask me another question.
BING: [LAUGHS] I guess
my thing was like, you know,
I grew up without knowing my dad.
I saw him three times since I was five,
and my stepdad used to beat
the shit out of me and my mom.
Right.
BING: And so I don't know how I
Why did I choose this life?
Not that I'm, like, gonna get married
and buy a house, but I don't know.
You want me to comment on your direction?
BING: Yeah.
That's the difference. Like, you
Some people do take
their negative experiences
and turn them into
powerful, positive things.
I just don't think I'm
that type of person.
I think
I found myself in a position
where I was so depressed
that I just I wanted it to
just get as bad as it could,
just as bad as it could until I died.
SAM: Married to the
money I ain't never letting go
Baby, it's you
-Quit being a wuss.
-SAM: Wanna play with my knife?
-Do you wanna play with my knife?
-Take it off. Quit being a pussy.
I want you to be mine again, Ashley
I know my lifestyle
is driving you crazy
Do it! Saw my fucking head off.
Don't be a pussy.
-No!
-Ah, you're such a wuss.
KEIRE: This place just,
like, eats away at you.
I don't know, I just don't want
to get trapped here in Rockford
like a lot of people have.
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]
I tried stashing away my money,
and then my fucking brother
broke into my room and stole it.
If I would've told my dad
what my brother did to me,
my dad would be on his ass right now.
Like, he'd be Oh, my God.
I remember this one time
I don't know, I think I stole
something or something. I was little.
I was, like, 12 maybe,
and I stole something.
That was the worst
ass-whupping I have ever gotten,
but it definitely made me never steal.
[LAUGHS] I was like, "Yeah, stealing sucks
'cause you get your ass
beat and you burn bridges.
And burning bridges isn't cool."
I don't know.
Afterwards, after my ass stopped stinging,
he apologized for beating me
and then he totally just explained to
me that it was just how he was raised.
I know that he loved me.
That's why he was so hard on me.
BING: So what do you think you've
gotten out of this documentary?
Um
It's almost like fucking free therapy.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah. I'm making this film
because I was physically
disciplined by my stepfather,
and it didn't make sense to me.
And I saw myself in your own story.
Hmm.
Wow!
[SNIFFLES] That's
Wow, Bing. I had no idea, dude.
No, that's really cool though.
Wow.
BING: So this might be a weird question,
but you spent a lot of time
in Zack's house growing up.
Do you think Zack is
capable of hitting a woman?
KEIRE: Hmm
Maybe if he's drunk
enough and she's hitting him,
like fucking beating the shit
out of him or something, maybe.
But I don't think Zack would ever just
like, just fucking strike a woman.
I don't think he would ever do that.
BING:
My stepmom and my dad?
Um
Yeah. I mean all the time.
They fucking
Most of the time, they argued about me.
[LAUGHS] Uh
Like once or twice, the
cops came to my house,
but that was when I was young-young,
maybe like 10 or 12, you know what I mean?
Not as a teenager. It never got
I don't think it ever got real physical.
I think just the fight got real gnarly.
I mean, shit, I've called the cops on
fucking Nina, my baby mama, before.
Sometimes you just need the fight to stop.
BING:
Oh!
I don't know if you filmed the recording.
That was a pretty, like,
every-other-day occurrence.
She just fucking loses her damn shit
and she won't shut the fuck up.
And it just keeps escalating
and escalating and escalating.
[SIGHS]
You know, my deal with women,
kind of the way I've dealt with it is,
they get all fucking heated and mad about
shit or they're complaining about this,
and I'm like, "All right, I'm leaving.
Bye."
But if a fucking woman
is acting a fucking fool,
they've been acting a fool,
you've asked them to stop,
you've tried to get
away from the situation,
you have done everything that you
can do to avoid the situation peacefully
and she's coming at you wanting to
argue and fight like she's a fucking man,
like she's ready to hurt you, that
You can't beat up women.
But some bitches need to get slapped
sometimes. Does that make sense?
BING: You stayed with him
because at times he was sweet?
So what gave you the
strength to finally leave him?
[SIGHS]
It was 17 years.
I don't like that.
Even now, I don't know what to do.
[INDISTINCT]
NINA: Zack and I went
to court for child support.
And, you know, it was like one of
those moments where I was just like,
"Wow, what am I doing with my life?"
Oh, you're so cool!
ZACK: You know, on one
hand of my brain, I'm like,
"You shouldn't be around your kid ever.
You fucking suck."
And then on the other hand,
I'm like, "No, that's my child!"
"Happy Father's Day. I hope you all
get to spend some time with your fathers.
The last time I talked to my dad,
I argued and fought with him.
I moved out the next day."
The last time I came
here, it was his funeral.
You don't want to think about it.
Not necessarily.
I feel like shaky and anxious,
and I don't really think
about him that much.
ZACK: I've never been
able to deal with myself
because I'm so busy
I'm not even convincing other people,
I'm convincing myself
that I'm a good person.
I feel like a clown, almost, you know?
You paint up your face and you
put on your act for everybody
And you let that act become you.
NINA: I've always been
something to someone.
You know, I was someone's
daughter, someone's sister,
someone's significant other
and then someone's mom.
So it's like I never got that
chance to just figure myself out.
I really wish I fucking just
could remember where it is.
It would make this day a lot better
for me if I could just fucking find it.
ZACK: I don't want my son
I just don't want him to grow
up fucked up like me, you know?
[COUGHING, SPITTING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
I can't let myself think that the
reason I have to struggle so hard
is 'cause I fucking suck.
I can't You know, that's
what the drinking is about.
That's what it's all about.
I just want to hide.
I just want to run away.
ZACK: It's such a
crushing, hopeless feeling.
It just sucks knowing that
you're your own enemy,
that every decision you
ever made has culminated
in how shitty your life is now.
[SNIFFLES]
And there's no escaping it.
I don't know if I try to help you.
Well, the reason why I wanted to
make this film was Maybe you're right.
Maybe I need to just move
on and not dwell on the past.
I cut.
KEIRE: Oh, my God.
Fucking yes.
I finally fucking found it.
[SNIFFLING]
I'm so fucking happy.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Let's Let's go.
I get mad at skateboarding,
like, a lot, but at the end of the day,
I love it so much that I can't
stay mad at it. [LAUGHS]
BING:
Yeah, so did my dad.
But I love him to death.
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[SIGHS]
[INDISTINCT]
KEIRE: I'm about to do this shit.
Oh, my God, dude, I'm gonna fucking do it.
BING:
I'm moving to Denver. [CHUCKLES]
[CHILDREN'S SHOW PLAYING ON TV]
Can't you wait another month?
KEIRE: [LAUGHS] No.
-Till it get warm?
-[LAUGHS] No, Mom.
See you later, baby.
["THIS YEAR" BY THE
MOUNTAIN GOATS PLAYING]
I broke free on a Saturday morning
I put the pedal to the floor
Headed north on Mills Avenue
And listened to the engine roar
-I made this for you.
-Thanks.
My broken house behind
me and good things ahead
A girl named Cathy
wants a little of my time
Six cylinders underneath the
hood crashing and kicking, aha!
Listen to the engine whine
I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me
I drove home in the California dusk
I could feel the alcohol
inside of me hum
Pictured the look on
my stepfather's face
Ready for the bad things to come
I downshifted as I
pulled into the driveway
The motor screaming
out stuck in second gear
The scene ends badly
as you might imagine
In a cavalcade of anger and fear
There will be feasting and dancing
In Jerusalem next year
I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year
Stop!
WOMAN: Cheese! Cheese!
[INDISTINCT]
Awesome!
Fuck!
BOY 2: That is not
how we do it in the hood.
-[LAUGHS]
-BOY 1: Now come up here.
Always ignoring the
"no trespassing" signs.
[LAUGHS]
What are you talking about?
We didn't even see 'em.
BOY 2: Scary, man.
Bing, I think I'm gonna die.
-BOY 1: We've got, like, six more.
-Are you fucking serious?
We have a long way to go.
We're not even halfway.
Okay, let's do it. Let's go up.
We're already going up. Come on, Kyle.
-No, I'm not going up. We're going down.
-BOY 2: You guys just called me a pussy.
We're going right back down.
Now that I got the Come on!
I just got the courage to do this.
We're going down.
It's over. I'm bailing out.
-Okay, I am with you. I don't want to die.
-I wanna go, but it's so scary.
BOY 1: Your whole life, society tells you
like, "Oh, be a man!" and "You're strong!"
And "You're tough!"
and "Margaritas are gay!"
You know, like You don't grow
up thinking that's the way you are.
When you're a kid, you just do.
You just act.
And then somewhere along
the line, everyone loses that.
[LAUGHING]
[HORN HONKING]
[DRUMMING]
[LOCK TURNS]
I really wanted to clean
up before you came over.
I actually spend, like, the
majority of my time here alone.
-BING: Why do you think that is?
-Let's go downstairs.
It's mainly just because I always
felt like I didn't fit in with my family.
It seems like they don't understand
why I skateboarded in the first place.
[SIGHS]
-[FIRECRACKER POPS]
-BOY: Do not shoot that at my house!
Sorry. I won't.
See, this is why we're not allowed
to go anywhere, is this right here.
-Oh! Oh! Oh!
-[DOG BARKING]
if you go behind if you go behind
a tree, you're okay. You've got cover.
-[FIRECRACKERS POPPING]
-[LAUGHTER]
Are you gonna put me
smoking weed in the thing?
BING: Maybe. I don't think just to do it.
I've given you free range.
I mean, I have no stipulations.
[COUGHS]
I've always needed more out
of life, more out of where I was.
You know, my parents ran
this very controlling house,
and so I ran away a lot.
By, like, 16, I was no longer
living with my parents, like at all.
I just wanted to fucking skate.
["VIDEO LIFE" BY CHRIS SPEDDING PLAYING]
Whoa!
You ready for some fucking intense action?
Take one.
No!
I'm gonna send myself an invitation
BING:
Say hello to the video life
I see that thing in there
moving around, Bing.
I know you're playing
with my face or something.
Stop filming, or he's going to crash.
Hope I get there right on time
BING: Somebody film! Somebody film!
ZACK: Oh, my God.
BOY: Oh, shit! There's the cops.
Video life
-Ah!
-GIRL: No, don't do it hard!
-BING: [LAUGHING] Oh, my God!
-ZACK: Oh, my God! Ow!
Repeat
In remote control
Video life
Dude, I'm, like, bleeding!
It's, like, in it.
BING: How long have you known Keire?
ZACK: Man, I wanna say when
I met Keire, he was, like, 11.
He'd ride the bus to the park and then
he'd pretty much be stuck at the park.
He'd have to ask everyone for money
so he could get enough for the bus home.
KEIRE: Well, I remember
the first time I met him.
I was standing where the bikers transfer,
and this dude hit me, like,
right in the ribs with his pegs.
And I remember Zack, he
just starts screaming at this kid.
"I'm gonna fucking beat your ass!"
Like, blah, blah, blah!
So I was like, "I want to
be like that guy." [LAUGHS]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
For fear of aerial warfare
Right here in your room
BING: What did you think of
me when we were growing up
and I was filming all of us?
KEIRE: [LAUGHS] I
always thought it was cool
how you can put all these different
moments into one long video
and just make it seem
like the best time ever.
God, no!
You've been filming the whole time?
I thought you were,
like, taking a picture.
Ah! [LAUGHING]
It's just like he touched
She just drove by and didn't even care!
Baby, baby, I love you so
God! Yes, yes!
ZACK: Fuck, yeah! Whoo!
KEIRE: Skateboarding is
more of a family than my family.
ZACK: We formed a family
together to look out for each other
because no one else
was looking out for us.
Video life
[CHUCKLES]
No, I'm not jumping in.
It could be three feet, I'd just
be like, "Oh, shit, I'm drowning!"
[BING, KEIRE LAUGHING]
-ZACK: No more smoking weed in the house.
-KEIRE: Good.
That's no more smoking
cigarettes in the house either.
Which I tried to break
myself of a while ago,
but there's so much trash on my porch,
and I just can't go back
out there and smoke.
-[LAUGHS]
-KEIRE: I don't know, I guess, like
It's just a bunch of boxes,
-from baby stuff.
-ZACK: It's boxes. It's baby shit.
Do you know how hard
baby shit is to put together?
Do you know how ridiculous this shit is?
They have five different languages
on the instructions, but not English.
And I'm like, "Why couldn't
I have just bought this?"
I don't understand why I had
to buy a box and put it together.
It doesn't make any fucking sense.
I can't believe that she's
just gonna have the baby,
and then they're just gonna be like,
"Okay, here's your baby. Go home."
I feel like somewhere along the line,
there should be, like, a
class for this or something
that I should have taken,
that I haven't fucked up.
KEIRE: I feel like life
might be moving too fast.
We have to fully grow up,
and it's gonna fucking suck.
-KEIRE: How'd you do that?
-[KYLE SHRIEKING]
-My beer! Oh, God! It's all over you.
-[DOG BARKING]
Yes!
That is fucking rad.
KYLE: I love you, Keire.
If somebody poked Keire in the eye,
-I would freak the fuck out.
-KEIRE: Poked me in the eye?
KYLE: "Oh, you gonna
poke niggas in the eye?"
That guy would be mad at you
for saying "nigga"! [LAUGHS]
Fuck 'em! He poked you in the eye.
He had it coming.
KEIRE: Yeah, he did have it coming.
He poked me in the eye.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
KEIRE: Hey, Kyle, so how are
you gonna get down off the roof?
KYLE: Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm gonna watch the fucking fireworks.
ZACK: How are we gonna get you down, man?
KYLE: A ladder.
ZACK: We don't have a ladder, Kyle!
KYLE: I'm having a good time because I'm
up on the top level of my fucking roof.
ZACK: This isn't a joke.
You're all fucking wasted, dude!
KYLE: It's not a joke.
ZACK: You're all the
way on the fucking roof!
But it's America's fucking birthday, dude.
-[KEIRE LAUGHS]
-KYLE: In the land of the fucking free?
-ZACK: Dude, I'm telling you.
-I'm on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof, dude.
Land of the fucking free
on this son-of-a-bitchin' roof.
-[FIREWORKS BURSTING]
-Fucking fireworks, dude! Yes!
-[SHRIEKING]
-KEIRE: Oh, my God.
KYLE: Happy fucking birthday, dude!
Whoo!
Oh, my God, dude!
-KYLE: Fuck yes, America!
-[FIREWORKS BURSTING]
[BABY CRYING]
[INDISTINCT]
NINA: I never thought I'd be
okay with changing a diaper,
but I'm pretty okay with it.
ZACK: We've been tag-teaming
it, though, so it's easier.
Yeah, it was so funny because I
had Zack give the baby a bottle,
and Keire was like, "Oh, my God ."
They were freaking out.
Yeah, it weirded him out the whole time.
He was like, "I can't believe
you're actually a dad ."
[CHUCKLES]
NINA: He was thrashing.
-[BABY FUSSES]
-Oh, don't become grumpy.
I would do anything for that kid.
I wanna give him every opportunity
I possibly can to help him succeed,
help him be happy, to be a good person.
It's interesting how much having a
kid will force you to, like, grow up.
I can't get home from work and fucking
drink a 12-pack like I normally do,
'cause what if I have to
get up and feed the kid?
Or what if something happens and
I have to take him to the hospital?
I don't know.
Lately, I've been having a lot of
anxiety about not feeling like a grown-up
and not feeling like I've done
enough things to set my life up properly,
and it's time I do something, you know?
So I need you to read over all of these.
These are the rules of the testing center.
Okay. No cell phone, no computer.
-WOMAN: Where do you work at?
-ZACK: Uh, I'm a roofer.
WOMAN: That's hard work.
It is. That's why I'm taking this.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I couldn't understand what
they wanted me to do, you know?
Like, by the way it was written, I just
[SIGHS] I was having trouble.
I just didn't understand. That was rough.
How are you today? What time is it?
BING:
Oh.
Fuck. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, man.
I'm at home. Bring me some
cigarettes and a beer for me.
I'll pay you when you get here.
Talking about Keire and
his skateboarding, y'all.
-Y'all know Keire and his skateboarding.
-Ah. Yeah, he be doing his little thing.
What's good, cousin?
I like talking shit to him,
being the little brother
Being the youngest brother.
You've got to think about it.
If he wasn't the youngest,
he'd probably been running the streets
with us, you know what I'm saying?
All I can say is I'm glad he
ain't where I'm at right now.
I've got to go do a few days, you know.
One thing about that, at least
I got an out date. Straight up.
All right, bro.
[KEIRE HUMMING, VOCALIZING]
Socks.
WOMAN: Keire is
quite different from the others.
I think about it a lot.
'Cause I want him to
start getting real serious
about what he's gonna be doing.
KEIRE: I turned 18 in, uh, November.
Ever since then, I just feel
like I should get a good job,
or get, like, a job,
just a job in general.
But I don't know. I'm becoming a man,
and I feel like that's
something I got fucked over on
because, like, my childhood
was a really shitty time.
[KIDS SHOUTING OUTSIDE]
The fuck is wrong with you?
Throwing your fucking board at me?
BING: Hey, kid, what happened?
What did he do?
Still wanna fight me now?
BOY: What happened?
You know what? Hey!
Yeah, yeah.
ROBERTA: Keire, he held in a lot.
And his dad, you know,
he was really kind of strict on him.
You know, his father was
He was a carpenter,
and he wanted Keire to do that.
Because he couldn't get the
other boys to follow his footsteps.
But Keire didn't like it.
-KEIRE: Damn it!
-Come on, hurry!
-Yeah!
-Do it, do it!
KEIRE: I don't know. Sometimes I'd
know that I'd have to work with him,
so I would sneak out my window.
I'd throw my board out
first and just climb out.
Then when I got home, I got disciplined.
And I wasn't able to skate for a while.
BING: How did you get disciplined?
Uh
I mean, well, they
call it child abuse now,
but it's not really chi Um
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Bitch! Ah!
That shit makes you angry, like, oh, God
It, like, boils my blood, dude.
Like, oh, fuck.
Fuck!
[YELLS]
BING: How bad did it get?
Like, did you ever cry?
Oh, of course. Of course, like
I mean [CHUCKLES]
Wouldn't you?
BING: I did cry.
I feel like everybody cries.
Is this the board you bought here?
-BING: Uh
-I think you did a while ago.
I remember we had this board in the shop.
I don't buy boards that much anymore,
'cause I don't skate that much anymore.
Dude, tell me about it.
I don't skate nearly enough.
I don't really remember
when I first met you.
I just You were just that kid that
was always there, you know, like
You'd come into the skate shop.
I don't know, we'd
talk about random stuff.
And that happened with a lot of kids.
And they could come in and be like,
"Yeah, dude, my parents
suck," or, "This is going on"
And they'd come in and unload, you know?
But, like, you were
introverted, and I didn't know,
and I remember distinctly
asking you if you were gay.
-Do you remember that at all?
-BING: No.
I asked you, like, "Dude, are you gay?
Like, what's"
I knew you had some huge weight on you.
And you were like, "Nah, dude," you know?
But I can't remember when you opened
up to me about your mom and stuff,
but you never really told me about
anything about what was going on with you.
And I guess in retrospect
now, when I look at it, I'm like
I should have totally figured that out.
I could tell with you,
from the very beginning,
skateboarding meant more to you
than just being cool and having friends.
It was your thing to, like, get away.
It was kind of a life-or-death thing.
ZACK: To other people, it's funny.
"Ha, ha. Oh, these guys are crazy."
But in reality, I think
it's a control thing.
You fucking have to control
the most minute, small details
to make you feel normal
in a world that's not normal.
[GRUNTS]
KEIRE: It would kind of
be like a drug, in a way.
Like, I could seriously be on the verge
of having a fucking mental breakdown,
but as long as I'm able to go
skate, then I'm completely fine.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah!
Here goes nothing.
[BOARD SNAPS]
KEIRE: As soon as the effect of the
drug wears off, it just comes back to you.
So, what happened?
Did we get paid yesterday? Or
I don't know.
I don't know either. I need my hours, man.
I got kids to feed!
Dude, my boss is seriously
such an asshole. It is crazy.
Like, fucking They're understaffed
now, and he just told me to clock out.
[SIGHS]
My budget is already spent out for a
week, so I'm a week behind every time.
So now I have to figure out how
to come up with three extra hours
on a schedule that I'm barely fucking on.
MALE NEWSCASTER: According to
research from the University of Illinois.
About 47% of all Rockford workers
60.000 total
Earn less than $ 15 per hour.
NEWSCASTER 2: Rockford has
struggled with unemployment for years.
Companies have left. So have the jobs.
FEMALE NEWSCASTER: Out of all of Illinois.
Rockford has seen the largest
number of people move away since 2010.
How many people are
gonna be at that table?
Could be anywhere from 12 to 15.
Great.
ZACK: Yeah, you took the hardest one.
Good job.
-[CUSTOMERS LAUGHING]
-[SPEAKERS: LOUD ROCK MUSIC]
There you go. There you go.
I'll get you all lined up there.
Come on, bud.
I feel weird 'cause like I don't know,
'cause I like talk to my
baby like baby voicing.
I mean, he's a fucking baby. That's how
you talk to him. I'm not gonna be like,
DEEP VOICE: "All right, Elliot, we're
gonna put your clothes on, little buddy!"
Nah, nah
It's, like, she works and I watch
him, or I work and she watches him.
I don't know. And other than
that, we're both pretty much around.
All right.
Here you go.
Is that that action you wanted?
Is that that action you like?
It's a hard-knock life being a baby.
It's gotta be stressful.
You've saved a bunch of time
by not having to walk and
go to the bathroom, but
And then someone just cleans it for you.
Someone feeds you every three hours.
See, I've been off work all week,
which normally never happens.
I haven't left this house in five days
'cause I haven't had time to do anything,
and I get cooped up super, super easily.
So that, you know, has
been driving me nuts.
Is that what you want?
You wanna come up here?
[ELLIOT GURGLES]
Hey, Mama's here!
-How was work?
-Eh.
ZACK: How was after-work drinks?
NINA:
ZACK: Jeez, girl, no
wonder you're always broke.
-Those things are probably, like, $7.
-They're $4.
[LAUGHS]
Are you gonna feed him?
No, I told you to.
I have to, like, get ready and meet Jess.
-What? You did not tell me that.
-Yeah, I did
You said, "I'm gonna feed him ."
You can't just feed him Like, 11 hours?
-Now you're going out to the bar?
-You did that for five months.
-You can't feed your fucking kid?
-You can't do it one day?
You can't feed him? What the fuck?
I'll feed him the bottle.
Just feed him the solid food.
That's all I want you to do.
His bottle's only three ounces.
He'll drink that in five minutes.
Then I've gotta take care
of him all fucking night still.
I haven't even gotten
my fucking jacket off.
Why can't you just feed him?
I was a stay-at-home mom,
and you said, "I work.
You take care of Elliot."
And I did. And now I'm working.
Right, and you show up
somewhere between 8:00 and 9:00.
-Just in time to put him to bed.
-That's a fucking lie too!
That's a lie too. That happened twice.
Last night was the only night
you stayed home all fucking week.
That's a fucking lie, and you know it!
-Whatever, you're an idiot. Just go away.
-No, you're a fucking idiot.
[SIGHS]
ZACK: I mean, she's, like,
going through something now.
She's newly 21 and
wants to go out every night.
And I told her, I'm like, "You had a kid.
Too late."
[ELLIOT FUSSES]
I love that girl.
I do want to be with her.
I just want her to chill the fuck out.
And I feel like it's just
been me, like a lot,
while she gets to go out every night
and do whatever the fuck she wants.
Drives me fricking insane.
[SIGHS]
KEIRE: My friend messaged me.
He was like, "Hey, I can get
you a job tomorrow if you want it."
And I was like, "Yeah."
But he was like, "But just to
warn you, it's really hard work."
I don't like telling people
that I'm a dishwasher,
but then again, I really don't
care, 'cause it's how I make money.
[CHUCKLES]
It's, like, definitely my first real job.
But I just don't want to work some
job that I hate for the rest of my life.
[SIRENS WAILING]
[ELECTRIC SAW BUZZING]
MAN: The Main Street
Skatepark, aka "the park Zack built."
ZACK: Main Street Skatepark was
a skate park I had started with a guy
that had run a gym for a long time,
and he was looking for an extra source
of income during the winter months.
You know, I had told
him, "I have all this wood.
We could build a skate park."
I'm calling it the Keire box right now,
because it's really
weird-shaped and long, crazy
[LAUGHS] What the fuck?
That's how you are too.
Keire just walks around like
Just lanky, like your arms are
six feet in front of you at all times.
We have two-by-fours.
[BUZZING]
[DRILL WHIRRING]
-Boom.
-[LAUGHS]
ZACK: A-one and a-two and a-three
My father was a carpenter. I learned
a lot from him and a lot from my family.
In the '80s, my father
started a skate park
in my grandmother's roller rink.
And they managed the only
indoor skate park in the area
for eight years, or something like that.
I was kind of raised to, you
know, do what you want to do.
And then somewhere along the
line, he just, like, flipped a switch,
like, wanted to become
like a conservative American.
All of a sudden, there were all
these rules and expectations.
They were, like, pushing me into this mold
of someone they thought was a good person.
And I'm like, "Fuck that!"
I remember when I was a kid,
we fucking sang punk music
and fucking smoked joints.
Like, you know, fuck that.
All right, fine, I'll find a
babysitter then, and then fuck you.
I guess I'll talk to you later.
First of all, you're supposed
to have him until 6:00 p.m.
so I get my Saturday dates.
You knew since Monday
that I had plans today.
Zack, you shouldn't have
fucking made plans for a Saturday.
Because this is supposed to be my day.
I never get a day to myself.
-You get days off all the time.
-No, I don't.
-ZACK: I only get two days off a week.
-When do I get a day to myself?
-This is supposed to be my day today.
-Okay, bye, Nina.
[SIGHS] Ain't that just the way?
BING: Have you and Nina
ever, like, just tried talking it out?
Successfully? Nope.
He's just so excited.
I know.
He's had a good day. We're just
playing outside and doing fun stuff, huh?
We have a fire going. Oh, yeah,
you want to put some boards on it?
-Yeah.
-Okay, I'll hold the baby.
You put some boards on there.
NINA: Me and Zack just fought a lot,
and eventually, I just had to leave him.
[LAUGHS] Like, I can't do this anymore.
Look at Mama.
NINA: Especially being a mom,
you don't want to see your
kid in an environment like that.
-This should be good, right?
-VICKIE: Yep.
NINA: I didn't really have anywhere to go.
And my aunt and uncle, they just wound
up being like, "Hey, we wanna help you."
-It's down there?
-Yeah.
NINA: In a perfect world, me
and Zack would still be together.
But, I don't know, I want
it to work out with him.
He just doesn't get it.
BING: I feel like a lot of
our parents are not together.
Were your parents divorced?
KEIRE:
ROBERTA: Well, he stayed with his dad
because he told me he
could raise him better,
because he could teach
him things that I couldn't.
[GRUNTS]
KEIRE: I really hope that
I don't get back in there
and there'll be the same amount of boxes.
[GRUNTS]
You know, like, I lived with my dad,
but he kept trying to make me
work, like, every single weekend.
And I was like, "Come on.
I've got to skate. I've got to skate."
Fuck.
Then we got in, like, a fight.
He was like, "I'm your dad.
You're going to work."
And I was just like, "No."
Then I tried to punch him.
And then I moved out, like, the next day.
Yeah, actually, one of the last things
I said to my dad was, "I hate you."
I was just so fucking angry
'cause he just kicked my ass.
BING: Did you see any violence in your
household when you were growing up?
I don't know, man. That's
That's a tough question.
It's hard It depends on
what you determine is violent.
When I was a kid, if I was fucking up
I got my ass whupped.
I feel, like, everyone does.
I mean
Some people got it
worse than other people.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
BING:
Yeah.
This was my dad's closet, specifically,
and he'd hide everything right here,
like my PlayStation controllers,
entire computers, toys.
And then his vintage porn was, like,
in the corner right there in a stack
Along with, like, several
firearms that were on the floor.
I used to judge my relationship with
my father based on a day-to-day basis
on how many things I've done
to piss him off in that given day.
And this day, that I was
here playing on the computer,
felt like a good day,
that I hadn't done anything wrong.
It all went without a hitch.
We hadn't talked very much.
There wasn't much opportunity
for me to do anything bad.
But then he just comes in, looks at me.
I turn up and look at him
And he just says that
I look fucking stupid.
And he walks out, and I
thought that was the end of it.
I was like, "Oh, well, okay.
That's not too bad ."
But then he comes back in
with a pair of, like, meat scissors
and he just starts
He just, like, grabs my head
and starts hacking my hair off.
I always shut the doors because, you
know, it keeps the [CLEARS THROAT]
It keeps the heat in.
That was another thing worth punishing.
BING: Where was your room?
Oh, my room, that's right.
This used to be my brother's room.
BING:
Eh, that's true. Um, yeah.
[SIGHS]
I remember hearing beating and
screaming coming from your room,
and it was like
Unnerving screams of
anguish, almost, and it was, like
Really, really unnerving.
It was almost scarring.
Mom?
ROBERTA:
Yeah, I have to wash my
clothes and my blankets.
ROBERTA:
And my my blankets. I just need two.
ROBERTA:
Okay.
-Thank you.
-MAN: She said put one in each wash.
-KEIRE: Okay. Thank you.
-MAN: All right.
My mom has this new boyfriend,
and I don't really like him.
BING: So do you have a
new, uh, man in your life?
A new man in my life?
-BING: Yeah.
-[LAUGHS]
Hey, ain't that sort of personal there?
[ROBERTA'S BOYFRIEND]
Oh
[ROBERTA'S BOYFRIEND]
Yeah?
I'll be back in a minute.
PARTY GUESTS:
Happy birthday, dear Elliot
Happy birthday to you
[ALL CHEERING]
He said, "What the hey?" [LAUGHS]
Zack, look up.
[ALL CHATTERING]
Aw, Elliot, it's all up in your neck.
NINA: My family, when I grew
up, we were all very distant.
It was very chaotic and I'd just
stay in my room the whole time.
I think 'cause of the way that I grew
up, I really desperately craved love.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[GURGLING]
ZACK: I think my dad
had me when he was 21?
And my mom left when
I was two or something.
And so I think I was
always looking for something
from my dad that I didn't get.
Like, maybe something that I
was supposed to get from my mom.
Oh, no, it's okay, it's okay.
Elliot, rip that off.
-WOMAN: Oh, all right!
-[GUESTS CHEERING]
-ZACK: Bye, baby.
-[KISSING]
-I loves you. Give me a hug.
-NINA: I love you.
Love you, Nina.
I was telling Bing about how you went on
a date with Katie and I almost killed her.
-Yeah.
-It was bad.
No, like, I usually
don't get like that, but
She showed up at 11:00 at night
with this other girl ready to fight.
See this? You see what I'm dealing
with all the time? This little bitch.
Oh! Oh, yeah, real slick there.
Fuck!
[FRIENDS CHEER]
You got this.
All right, man. Here it is.
-ZACK: Yeah!
-KYLE: Fuck, yeah!
That trick made me want to touch
my body, Keire. I'm not gonna lie.
KEIRE: I mean, if you want
to take a shower [LAUGHS]
-Oh, my God.
-Fuck, dude.
That looks fucked up.
KYLE: That was crazy.
KEIRE: This is the
result of all those times
I ran away from home to the skate park.
I would love for my dad to see
how much progress I've made
since I was a little shithead
trying to skateboard.
Like, it would bother me.
Maybe he'd just be like, "Ah, damn,
you weren't just wasting your life."
[INDISTINCT]
ZACK: I know their relationship
was definitely strained.
And I don't think Keire really realized
how much his dad meant to him
until his dad actually did pass away.
KEIRE: The day that my dad
died, I had just got out of school.
It was, like, a Friday,
and, uh, I'd just got off the bus.
My mom was just, like, freaking out.
As soon as I got home,
she was freaking out.
And she was like, "He's gone, he's gone!"
And I didn't wanna believe it.
So I was all mad at her for saying that.
I was like, "Dad's strong.
He's not dead. Whatever."
And they brought him out on the stretcher,
and I was just like, "Holy fuck."
Like, he actually looks
kind of dead right there,
and I was just like, "Fuck."
And I don't know, it's just
[SNIFFLES]
I don't know, uh
[SNIFFLES] It's weird. It's just
It's just really difficult for
me to explain right now.
-Hey!
-KYLE: Well, hey there, bud.
Elliot.
I love you.
Ready? Come play with Daddy.
[PLAYS NOTES]
Buddy, like this.
Just one finger, just one.
[FUSSING]
[GIGGLING]
Yeah!
Hold him like this just real fast.
All right, I'll hold him for a second.
Yeah, come here, bud.
ZACK: Yeah!
We're gonna make it through the poles?
We're gonna make it? Whoa!
[SIREN WAILING]
BING: So what, uh
What have you guys been up to?
ZACK: Uh, lately, we've been adjusting to
I don't know.
I asked if I could see my son every day,
and I only get to see him,
like, three times a week.
It's really been bumming me out.
And she's been, like
She's talking a bunch of shit, you know,
calling me a piece of
shit and all this stuff and
-It got out of control, man. I don't know.
-All right, so this is the video.
NINA [ON VIDEO]: Get off of me!
I hate you!
ZACK [ON VIDEO]: I don't trust you!
NINA: 'Cause I hate you
and I will fucking stab you.
I will fucking stab you
in the fucking neck. Zack!
-Fucking die, die, die!
-ZACK: Knock it off!
So fucking bugged, dude.
NINA: Get off me!
-ZACK: Then stop it!
-NINA: Die!
-ZACK: Are you going to stop?
-NINA: Die!
You're doing this. I'm already
It's like you want me to fucking kill you.
You're asking for it!
BING: Kyle showed me some
recordings of you and Zack fighting.
-I bet he did.
-[BING CHUCKLES]
What What were those fights about?
What were they like? Why did they
Well, if he showed you
the one where I'm like,
"Zack, I'm gonna
fucking kill you right now,"
he beat my ass ten minutes
before Kyle took that video.
And he didn't decide to record that part.
You know I've got a scar
going down my eyebrow.
I've got
He broke his coffee tables with my body.
[LAUGHS] Like
Obviously, I'm not in the state of mind
I'm not I'm going crazy at this point.
Because I'm a little girl.
You know what I mean?
And you have wasted Zack doing all that,
and then it's like, yeah, I'm gonna
Yeah, of course I'm gonna tell you
I'm gonna fucking kill you if you do.
You know? I don't know.
BING: I didn't know that.
Why was he hitting you?
Um, he gets wasted.
He, you know We'll start fighting
and then he'll take it
completely out of control and
But, I mean, that's not the first time
it's happened either, that recording.
And I mean, I've been pretty bruised up.
I'd have, like From him hitting me,
I'd have, like, a huge
bruise just all over.
And then, you know,
he'd see them the next day
and he wouldn't even say anything,
not even a sorry or anything like that.
We'd just kind of ignore
it like it didn't happen.
So
BING: In a way, your footage
will offset with my footage
because this is the only time
that I haven't shot in the movie.
So it's like it You know
So, like, even when during the interview,
when you shoot me and
getting my reaction shots,
it'll like I don't know.
We moved to Rockford
when I was eight or nine,
and my mom met my stepfather.
One day when she was working at
the pizza restaurant, this man came in.
He had been a regular.
He'd seen her before.
Um, and he started getting to know her.
And then one day, he followed her
home, found out where we lived, and
Then he became my stepdad.
[LAUGHS]
But, um, you know, I
think that I was blaming her
for sort of abandoning
me when I was a kid.
[CHATTERING]
Mom, can you clap your
hands just in front of your face?
Okay.
-[CHUCKLES]
-What's that for?
BING: It's for a sound thing for later.
Can you see my face okay?
-No, not Now is okay.
-BING: Now? Okay.
So I'll just try to hold it here for now.
MENGYUE: Now that Right, I
can see your eyes. You're a little
I know it's hard with all the lights.
I'm sorry.
Um, so I'm curious. Uh
-Who's Dennis?
-MAN: Hold on one sec.
-Oh.
-MAN: Sorry.
Okay. Sorry, Bing.
Who is Dennis? Why did you ask that?
BING: Um, because
MENGYUE: You know who he is.
Well, I don't feel like I know who he is.
Did you know that, um
The first time I was ever alone
with him, that's when he grabbed me?
He did He what?
The first time I was ever alone
with him was the first time
-MENGYUE: He beat you?
-He grabbed me and beat me, yeah.
I mean, how much did you
know about what was happening?
-Because you were always gone working.
-MENGYUE: Right.
Because he had retired pretty
soon after you and him married.
MENGYUE: Right.
And so you weren't home that much.
I was just with him.
I think, uh
[SIGHS]
I don't I don't know what to say now.
I wish I can go over it
and do again, do differently,
but I really don't know what to say now.
It's all past. I
[SIGHS]
I did not know it was that bad.
I did not know he was that
bad, especially behind me.
I was [SIGHS]
I wish I was stronger than I wasn't.
I don't know. I
I don't know what to say.
What
I mean, but didn't he
When was the first time that he hurt you?
I don't know what happened.
He come to choke me.
Yeah, he have a few times
So
But the thing is, as I tell you
With him
FEMALE NEWSCASTER:
The city of Rockford is ranked
as the number two most dangerous city
with a population under 200.000 people.
NEWSCASTER 2: Last year, the Department
of Justice created a 63-page report
just for Rockford to help it
with its violent crime problem.
NEWSCASTER 3: The
Rockford police department
presenting final crime
statistics for 2015.
About a fourth of that violent crime
can be attributed to
domestic violence incidents.
[EXHALES]
[BELCHES]
BOY: You know what I found out today?
Skateboarding taught me how to be
passionate. That's where it all started.
-ZACK: That's where it all started?
-Yeah.
-[BOY 2 LAUGHS]
-I'm telling you.
-I didn't mean to laugh at you.
-BOY 1: It's all right.
-I knew you were probably just kidding.
-I don't like emotions.
That's why I mean, I'm like my dad.
"There's no such thing as emotion,
only work and getting back to it."
[CHUCKLES] "if you work hard
enough, all your problems will go away."
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
All right, I'll be down in,
like, five minutes. Hold on.
-BOY 2: Zack.
-ZACK: Hmm?
BOY 2: I thought you
weren't with Nina anymore.
Um, I'm not really.
We're, like, talking now.
-[STEREO: ROCK MUSIC]
-How was work?
NINA: Eh
-It was okay.
-I like your hair. It's all swirly.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm sorry. I won't be nice to you
next time. I'll not say anything.
No, your hair looks like shit, Nina.
-You're welcome.
-I'm not used to you being nice to me.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
-Stop, Zack! I'm driving!
-[LAUGHING]
-Trying to be a real badass, huh?
-I'm driving.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
-[ELLIOT CRYING]
-NINA: You're freaking Elliot out.
ZACK: Elliot's not freaked out.
Maybe he's a little freaked out. Nah!
NINA: Stop!
ZACK: All right, I'll be back.
Veggie burrito, potatoes, horchata.
BING: So you guys are looking
better than ever? Like, what's
NINA: I'm gonna take it day by day,
because I feel like he's just
gonna let me down again.
So, if I don't take him seriously,
I'm not gonna be let down.
So I'm just going with it, I guess.
BING:
-To him?
-BING: Yeah.
Don't. That's a bad That is No.
I just think it's so prevalent,
the, like, violence towards women
and I saw it towards my
mother, and I just think it's
Right. I don't think they
She had the same idea. She was like,
"I don't want to speak out," you know?
Right, I mean
I don't know, especially with me
and him kind of being okay right now
and like hanging out, all
that would go down the drain.
BING: Okay.
-[SIGHS] But, yeah.
-[DOOR OPENS]
That took a long time.
ZACK: Fifty bucks.
-NINA: That's 50?
-Yeah.
BING:
I'm fucking beat, dude.
[LAUGHING] Like, I don't
know what else to say. I'm beat.
Wait a second.
Dude, what's today?
BING:
[SCOFFS] I thought it was fucking Friday!
I don't have to go back to work.
[LAUGHING]
Yes! Oh, my God! Yes. Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS]
BING:
I got my car probably a month or two ago.
How many people do you know
have a portable ledge on the back?
I quit. [LAUGHS]
I feel, like, if I stay here,
I'm just gonna get stuck here.
[SIREN WAILING]
But moving out has always been scary.
I don't wanna just move out and
by the time rent comes around,
I don't have the money, because
then I look stupid and irresponsible.
What's good, Marlon?
Yo.
-Yo, we're filming that rap video.
-We're filming a rap video.
-We just don't have the guns.
-Driving that '99 Mercury Sable
MAN: Ain't got women either.
Where's the women?
-[LAUGHS]
-No, we're not guilty.
-MAN: I believe that.
-MARLON: We didn't do it!
KEIRE: He's like,
"That's what they all say."
[BOTH LAUGH]
You see that shit right there,
like, right above the speedometer.
I have my registration and
my insurance and my license.
So you don't have to reach
for anything in your pockets.
Dude, the cop was like,
"License and registration."
And I was like "Sure." And I reached
over there to the fucking glove box,
and the cop over there was like
I was just like, "Oh, whoa!
Don't fucking shoot me."
They're like, "Calm down!"
I was like, "What do you mean calm down?"
-You guys fucking calm down.
-You fucking pulled your gun on me
for obeying what you said. [LAUGHS]
MARLON: It's just a
bunch of shit, you know.
-ZACK: Did you see that one?
-At, like, the gas station? Yeah.
He's like, "Give me
your driver's license."
That fucking terrifies me.
So the guy goes in his
car to get his driver's license
and the cop just shoots
him, like, four times.
I could die really easily here.
Dude, no, this is the funniest video ever.
I have to show you guys.
MAN [ON VIDEO]: Buff niggas, dark niggas.
[LAUGHS]
Asian niggas, white niggas
MAN 2: Suck my dick, bitch!
MAN 1: Hundreds of niggas is
waiting for your motherfucking call.
They all talking shit about you.
[LAUGHING]
Call these motherfuckers ASAP.
[HARMONICA PLAYING]
KEIRE: Growing up, my
dad would always tell me,
"Keire, you have a lot of white friends,
but don't forget that you're Black."
NINA: Are you gonna take a nap, buddy?
Look who's home! Hi!
I'm going to try to lay
him down for a nap.
Let me have a kiss first!
I get him first! [KISSING]
We didn't, like, hug or
anything in my family.
So when I first moved out
from me and Zack's apartment,
my aunt would give me a hug
every night before I went to bed.
And it was so weird to me at first.
I'd be like, "Oh, you're touching me.
Don't, please!"
And after a while it was like, "Okay,
I'm going to bed. Where's my hug?"
It's nap time, baby.
I never really knew what a family was.
[LAUGHS] Are you okay?
My aunt and uncle showed me that.
They pretty much adopted
me at the age of 21.
That stuff scares me. When he
gets on a skateboard, I'm just like
VICKIE: Mm-hmm.
You need to find him a little helmet.
Yeah.
Come on, bubba.
Now I know what I want
my family to be like someday.
BING: How have, uh, you and Zack been?
Um, same as always.
He's just doing his own thing. And
MAN ON TV: This looks
like a job for Superman.
BING: is it hard for you
to move on from him?
I mean, I don't go one day
without thinking about him
Or worrying about him
or, like, wishing he'd call.
And, you know, not even
just for me, but for Elliot too.
I don't know.
BING: Why do you put up with that though?
I mean, even though
I've seen the worst of him,
you know, I know that there's a
lot of good things about him too.
I need a fries, please,
for this steak sandwich.
Here you are, sir.
All right, I'll go grab you a menu.
Seriously, man.
[LAUGHING]
This is so much better than being
back there and having to do all of that.
[LAUGHS]
Right now, I don't have to ask my
mom for money. I can give her money.
Our water was gonna get cut
off, and I helped pay the bill.
I felt really good about that.
With Zack, we have
drifted apart a little bit
just 'cause I'm not over
there, like, every day.
[LAUGHING]
I started hanging out with my
younger skate friends again.
I noticed that they were on a better path.
BOY: What classes are you taking?
-Graphic arts technology, graphic design.
-So, gen ed of liberal arts.
I'm just gonna try to get
something general at first
-and see what kind of jobs I can get.
-[KEIRE LAUGHS]
BING: So you guys are getting your GEDs?
Um, I am. Evan has his. He graduated.
And like I don't know.
It's just, I could prove people wrong.
Oh, yeah, dude!
I remembered something that
my dad told me about being Black.
He said, "Being Black is cool
because you get to prove
people wrong every day."
MARLON: Yeah.
Like, you sound the way
that you sound, so you don't
You know, it's like you
just prove them wrong,
and they probably feel a little
shitty for profiling you. [LAUGHS]
I can't even imagine feeling like that.
I was only the only white kid for,
like, four years at Ellis in my class,
so I had to learn real quick
that like, "Oh, shit, I'm in trouble."
Like, right away, people
were mad at me for being white
after our first history class.
In reality, you don't have as
much say, 'cause you are white.
But you just get
But I'm educated though.
You're educated 'cause you went
through just as much high school as him?
-'Cause I fucking read and shit.
-So you know more than him?
Even though your race didn't go
through the same things as his did?
Because my race went through
it doesn't mean I went through it.
Like, he doesn't have the same
disadvantages every day you don't have?
There's a certain class of white
that's easy to be white in America.
But then if you're, like,
trailer trash white and shit,
then it's not easy to live in America.
-I feel like it is easy though.
-MARLON: Yeah.
You could just cut your hair
and go and get a fucking job
'cause they're not
going to look at you like
BOY: But when you're
fucking stupid, you can't do that.
If you're stupid, you can't do that.
KEIRE: When I was younger,
I didn't really understand why my dad
would talk about being Black so much.
But I remember, he was like,
"if you could choose
again, choose to be Black."
And at first, I didn't get it. I was like,
"Why would you want to be Black
when all this shit's happening to us?"
But he explained it as, like,
because we have to deal with these issues,
it just makes other things that my
white friends would complain about
not even be a problem to me.
ZACK: My father's skate park went under
because of a downfall in skateboarding.
Mine didn't succeed because I
got hooked up with a bad partner.
One day, he calls me and he's like,
"Hey, I'm gonna go on a vacation."
And I fucking never heard
from the dude again. Never.
Come to find out the guy
had never paid any of our bills.
All the money we were making,
everything, he just was keeping it.
That fucked me over. I mean, I've never
I don't feel like I've done anything
I've ever wanted to do with my life.
BOY: There it is.
That's a five-day notice.
I try not to come over here, just
like Zack and Kyle don't. Clearly
-I mean, do you even want to be here? No.
-BING: Why is all that shit broken?
-What?
-BING: The ground.
-The ground?
-BING: Yeah, what is all this?
BOY: Poop. This is all poop, dude.
All right, let's get out
of this fucking place.
I feel like I never see Zack.
I remember when I used to skip school,
and I was just like, "Oh,
he didn't finish school.
He's doing fine. I'll be fine."
Yeah, but I see them
now, I'm like, "Fuck."
I don't know. I don't think
they have electricity right now.
-That's kinda
-EVAN: Yeah, that's what I heard.
That's fucked up.
KEIRE: When I was younger, everyone just
seemed like they had it all figured out.
[LAUGHS] Which was the dumbest
thing that I could have ever told myself.
No one knows what the fuck they're doing.
What kind of filming are we doing,
the kind where I pretend
you're not there or the other kind?
BING:
Where we talk the whole time.
[BOTH LAUGH]
BING:
[SPITS]
Okay.
All right, think I got it?
Oh!
I didn't plan on moving out here at all.
This broad that lives out here hit me up.
She bought me a plane ticket,
got me like a $180 Uber to
the fucking Milwaukee airport.
Came out here.
I was originally gonna
be out here for two weeks.
And she's like, "No, you're
just going to live with me now."
You know?
I'm not picky.
I was like, "All right." [LAUGHS]
I don't know. I'm doing pretty
good out here though. I'm working.
I've been drinking a lot less and
I'm definitely not fucking off as much.
What's this one? Oh, fucking roast beef.
Can you hear me in your
headphones right now?
BING: Yeah.
There's liquor in this cup.
NINA: All right, so West State Street
There's Walnut, so I
need to be going that way.
ELLIOT: take a ride?
What?
-Mama.
-NINA: Baby.
Take a ride.
What?
Take a ride.
Zack told me that he
was going to Colorado,
but he said that he was only
going for a couple of days.
And then he wound up calling me
while he was there, like,
"Oh, I'm gonna stay here."
[CHATTERING]
NINA: When he does get stable,
he's gonna want to be with Elliot again,
and he's gonna want to be a
family, 'cause that's what he tells me.
But then again, all I
really have is his word,
which I don't even know if that's true,
because there are so many lies.
You know what I mean?
Oh, I'm drunk as fuck.
This is a perfect night.
KEIRE: It's hard to get
who Zack actually is,
because there's so many versions
of him that he'll tell you about.
It's frustrating, 'cause you're
supposed to be my homey,
but I feel like I don't know the real you.
NINA: [GASPS] You spilled
juice all over your pants. It's okay.
WOMAN: Oh, hi, Elliot. Hey, Nina.
-NINA: Hi.
-WOMAN: You look cute.
NINA: Yeah, I figure if I'm gonna
go do this at the courthouse,
I need to look presentable.
He needs to know that
there's consequences.
Like, you can't just have
a child and abandon them.
Life doesn't work like that,
and he needs a reality check.
And I feel like, you know,
this is a good way to do that.
I'm here to try and start
the process of child support.
WOMAN: You said child support?
NINA: Maybe that will also encourage
him to want to come around more.
It's, like, maybe if he's paying for
him, he'll want to see him, you know?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to do what I can, I guess.
I'm just playing. Don't start crying.
Look how much fun jumping is though
when you don't have to cry
Mom. Mom, she's making noises.
Come on, come on
See, everyone loves Grandma.
No one likes their uncle.
[LAUGHS]
BING: Are you still with
Are you still with your boyfriend?
What boyfriend?
BING: I thought you had
a boyfriend for a while.
No, he wasn't a boyfriend.
He was a stupid friend.
No. He's not around
anymore, thank goodness.
Gonna throw you off!
KEIRE: The older I get,
the more I think about it,
and I feel like there's a part of
me that really loves my family.
-All right, all right, calm down.
-Ah!
[LAUGHING]
KEIRE: I guess because
family will always be there,
but friends, kind of, can come and go.
-Stop it!
-KEIRE: God.
-What's up, fool? How you doing?
-BING: What's up, guy?
-How's it going?
-Good.
BING:
I know.
Happy to be home, I'll tell you what.
-Let's do this.
-God, Zack.
-[GRUNTS]
-GIRL: Zack!
ZACK: Denver wasn't really my style.
I felt like a lot of the
people that were down there,
a lot of them were privileged.
And so Sam, my current girlfriend,
flew me back out to Rockford.
I have Sam's name
tattooed on my wrist now.
BING: When did you get Sam's
name tattooed on your wrist?
-SAM: When or why?
-Uh, Saturday?
I don't know. [LAUGHS]
-ZACK: She paid for it.
-I paid for it.
Do you feel concerned that Elliot's
gonna grow up, like, messed up?
I'm 50-50 about it.
Lately, I have been concerned
over my influence on him.
And as he gets older
How he's gonna look at the difference
between the way his family
lives and the way I live.
And a lot of people
grow up and they're all,
"Oh, yeah, I'm fucking gonna play football
and I'm gonna go to college and
I'm gonna get this nice office job
and start a family and have
2.5 kids and a car and a garage.
And everything's just gonna be nice,
and I'll buy a boat and a snowmobile"
Like, fuck you, you piece of shit!
Just 'cause you're too fucking
weak to make your own decisions
and decide what you
want to do with your own life
doesn't mean everyone
else has gotta be like you.
[LAUGHS] I don't know. Fuck.
I don't Ask me another question.
BING: [LAUGHS] I guess
my thing was like, you know,
I grew up without knowing my dad.
I saw him three times since I was five,
and my stepdad used to beat
the shit out of me and my mom.
Right.
BING: And so I don't know how I
Why did I choose this life?
Not that I'm, like, gonna get married
and buy a house, but I don't know.
You want me to comment on your direction?
BING: Yeah.
That's the difference. Like, you
Some people do take
their negative experiences
and turn them into
powerful, positive things.
I just don't think I'm
that type of person.
I think
I found myself in a position
where I was so depressed
that I just I wanted it to
just get as bad as it could,
just as bad as it could until I died.
SAM: Married to the
money I ain't never letting go
Baby, it's you
-Quit being a wuss.
-SAM: Wanna play with my knife?
-Do you wanna play with my knife?
-Take it off. Quit being a pussy.
I want you to be mine again, Ashley
I know my lifestyle
is driving you crazy
Do it! Saw my fucking head off.
Don't be a pussy.
-No!
-Ah, you're such a wuss.
KEIRE: This place just,
like, eats away at you.
I don't know, I just don't want
to get trapped here in Rockford
like a lot of people have.
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]
I tried stashing away my money,
and then my fucking brother
broke into my room and stole it.
If I would've told my dad
what my brother did to me,
my dad would be on his ass right now.
Like, he'd be Oh, my God.
I remember this one time
I don't know, I think I stole
something or something. I was little.
I was, like, 12 maybe,
and I stole something.
That was the worst
ass-whupping I have ever gotten,
but it definitely made me never steal.
[LAUGHS] I was like, "Yeah, stealing sucks
'cause you get your ass
beat and you burn bridges.
And burning bridges isn't cool."
I don't know.
Afterwards, after my ass stopped stinging,
he apologized for beating me
and then he totally just explained to
me that it was just how he was raised.
I know that he loved me.
That's why he was so hard on me.
BING: So what do you think you've
gotten out of this documentary?
Um
It's almost like fucking free therapy.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah. I'm making this film
because I was physically
disciplined by my stepfather,
and it didn't make sense to me.
And I saw myself in your own story.
Hmm.
Wow!
[SNIFFLES] That's
Wow, Bing. I had no idea, dude.
No, that's really cool though.
Wow.
BING: So this might be a weird question,
but you spent a lot of time
in Zack's house growing up.
Do you think Zack is
capable of hitting a woman?
KEIRE: Hmm
Maybe if he's drunk
enough and she's hitting him,
like fucking beating the shit
out of him or something, maybe.
But I don't think Zack would ever just
like, just fucking strike a woman.
I don't think he would ever do that.
BING:
My stepmom and my dad?
Um
Yeah. I mean all the time.
They fucking
Most of the time, they argued about me.
[LAUGHS] Uh
Like once or twice, the
cops came to my house,
but that was when I was young-young,
maybe like 10 or 12, you know what I mean?
Not as a teenager. It never got
I don't think it ever got real physical.
I think just the fight got real gnarly.
I mean, shit, I've called the cops on
fucking Nina, my baby mama, before.
Sometimes you just need the fight to stop.
BING:
Oh!
I don't know if you filmed the recording.
That was a pretty, like,
every-other-day occurrence.
She just fucking loses her damn shit
and she won't shut the fuck up.
And it just keeps escalating
and escalating and escalating.
[SIGHS]
You know, my deal with women,
kind of the way I've dealt with it is,
they get all fucking heated and mad about
shit or they're complaining about this,
and I'm like, "All right, I'm leaving.
Bye."
But if a fucking woman
is acting a fucking fool,
they've been acting a fool,
you've asked them to stop,
you've tried to get
away from the situation,
you have done everything that you
can do to avoid the situation peacefully
and she's coming at you wanting to
argue and fight like she's a fucking man,
like she's ready to hurt you, that
You can't beat up women.
But some bitches need to get slapped
sometimes. Does that make sense?
BING: You stayed with him
because at times he was sweet?
So what gave you the
strength to finally leave him?
[SIGHS]
It was 17 years.
I don't like that.
Even now, I don't know what to do.
[INDISTINCT]
NINA: Zack and I went
to court for child support.
And, you know, it was like one of
those moments where I was just like,
"Wow, what am I doing with my life?"
Oh, you're so cool!
ZACK: You know, on one
hand of my brain, I'm like,
"You shouldn't be around your kid ever.
You fucking suck."
And then on the other hand,
I'm like, "No, that's my child!"
"Happy Father's Day. I hope you all
get to spend some time with your fathers.
The last time I talked to my dad,
I argued and fought with him.
I moved out the next day."
The last time I came
here, it was his funeral.
You don't want to think about it.
Not necessarily.
I feel like shaky and anxious,
and I don't really think
about him that much.
ZACK: I've never been
able to deal with myself
because I'm so busy
I'm not even convincing other people,
I'm convincing myself
that I'm a good person.
I feel like a clown, almost, you know?
You paint up your face and you
put on your act for everybody
And you let that act become you.
NINA: I've always been
something to someone.
You know, I was someone's
daughter, someone's sister,
someone's significant other
and then someone's mom.
So it's like I never got that
chance to just figure myself out.
I really wish I fucking just
could remember where it is.
It would make this day a lot better
for me if I could just fucking find it.
ZACK: I don't want my son
I just don't want him to grow
up fucked up like me, you know?
[COUGHING, SPITTING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
I can't let myself think that the
reason I have to struggle so hard
is 'cause I fucking suck.
I can't You know, that's
what the drinking is about.
That's what it's all about.
I just want to hide.
I just want to run away.
ZACK: It's such a
crushing, hopeless feeling.
It just sucks knowing that
you're your own enemy,
that every decision you
ever made has culminated
in how shitty your life is now.
[SNIFFLES]
And there's no escaping it.
I don't know if I try to help you.
Well, the reason why I wanted to
make this film was Maybe you're right.
Maybe I need to just move
on and not dwell on the past.
I cut.
KEIRE: Oh, my God.
Fucking yes.
I finally fucking found it.
[SNIFFLING]
I'm so fucking happy.
Fuck.
Fuck!
Let's Let's go.
I get mad at skateboarding,
like, a lot, but at the end of the day,
I love it so much that I can't
stay mad at it. [LAUGHS]
BING:
Yeah, so did my dad.
But I love him to death.
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[SIGHS]
[INDISTINCT]
KEIRE: I'm about to do this shit.
Oh, my God, dude, I'm gonna fucking do it.
BING:
I'm moving to Denver. [CHUCKLES]
[CHILDREN'S SHOW PLAYING ON TV]
Can't you wait another month?
KEIRE: [LAUGHS] No.
-Till it get warm?
-[LAUGHS] No, Mom.
See you later, baby.
["THIS YEAR" BY THE
MOUNTAIN GOATS PLAYING]
I broke free on a Saturday morning
I put the pedal to the floor
Headed north on Mills Avenue
And listened to the engine roar
-I made this for you.
-Thanks.
My broken house behind
me and good things ahead
A girl named Cathy
wants a little of my time
Six cylinders underneath the
hood crashing and kicking, aha!
Listen to the engine whine
I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me
I drove home in the California dusk
I could feel the alcohol
inside of me hum
Pictured the look on
my stepfather's face
Ready for the bad things to come
I downshifted as I
pulled into the driveway
The motor screaming
out stuck in second gear
The scene ends badly
as you might imagine
In a cavalcade of anger and fear
There will be feasting and dancing
In Jerusalem next year
I am gonna make it
through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year
Stop!
WOMAN: Cheese! Cheese!
[INDISTINCT]
Awesome!
Fuck!