MVP: Most Valuable Primate (2000) Movie Script

1
[CLOCK TICKING]
[SNORING]
[ALARM RINGING]
[ALARM STOPS]
Morning, Jack.
[CHATTERS]
[LAUGHS]
You're a funny guy, Jack.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, thank you, Jack.
Jack, I got to go
get ready, okay?
Good morning, Jack.
Sleep well?
Nicely, thank you.
[CROWD MURMURING]
DR. KENDALL:
Good morning, graduates.
[]
Whoa! Ah ha!
Gotcha!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Okay, old slugger,
we've got ten bananas.
We take away six.
How many does Jack get?
[STUDENTS MURMURING]
Oh, Jack.
Very funny, Jack.
Very funny.
Uh, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
cut this session short.
I'll see you all on Thursday.
Jack, how is anybody
gonna believe
that you're a genius
when you behave like this?
[KISSES]
[SCOFFS]
[GRUNTING]
[BELL RINGS]
Don't forget.
3:00, Saturday.
Everyone's invited.
[CHIMPS SCREECHING]
DR. KENDALL:
Yes, Julie.
They didn't renew
my funds this year.
Is there room for Jack?
Of course.
We miss Jack.
It's been kind of quiet
without him.
Nancy would love
to see her baby again.
Uh, I'll make
all the arrangements,
and-and I'll call you tomorrow.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
[BEEP]
[SNOW CRUNCHING]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Hi, sweetie.
How was your day today?
Did you make
any new friends today?
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
[SNIFFLES]
Son, what happened today?
All the girls in Tara's class
were invited
to some birthday party.
She wasn't.
I know it's difficult,
sweetie. Hmm?
Did you talk to anyone today?
They tease me.
I know it.
I know, sweetie. Hmm?
But once they get
to know who you are,
it won't matter.
[SNIFFLING]
Okay. Kisses?
Come here.
Mmm.
DARREN:
Come on, Jack, let's go.
[LAUGHING]
[]
[LAUGHING]
You're a funny guy, Jack.
[LAUGHING]
[SOFT ROCK PLAYS]
Hmm.
Hmm.
[CHATTERS]
Huh?
What, Jack?
I don't see anything.
Hmm.
Hmm.
[GULPS]
Hey, Jack.
Did you steal one
of my marshmallows?
All right, then.
[CHUCKLING]
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Sorry, buddy.
Oh.
It's time for bed, okay?
Let's go to bed.
Come on.
Come on.
And the zookeeper said,
Good night, elephant.
And the zookeeper said,
Good night, lion.
And the zookeeper said,
Good night, gorilla.
[WHISPERING]:
Good night, Jack.
There you go.
Good night.
Now, go to sleep.
Okay.
[BOYS SHOUTING]
Hey.
What have I gotten myself into?
Junior "B" hockey, son.
End of the road
for most of these guys.
They've been cut from every
junior "A" team around.
I'm, uh, I'm their coach,
Coach Marlowe.
Oh, sorry, uh, Coach.
Nice to meet you.
I'm s-Steven Westover.
Yeah, well,
over on the bench there,
that's, uh, Captain Pete.
He was our all-star
scorer last year,
but, uh, he's on
the injured list now
for some reason.
Sittin' next to him
there is, uh, Stosh.
He's the one, uh, knitting.
Knit one.
Sorry. Knitting?
Yeah, but I wouldn't
make a big deal out of it
if I were you, you know.
Last year, he made us
all real nice stockings
to hang on the mantel
at Christmas.
Over there too, the big guy,
his name's, uh, Moose.
And the guy
that he's throttling,
the guy turning purple,
that's Larry.
And, uh, in the goal over here,
that's our, uh, keep, Magoo.
He's was the top
rookie choice of the WHL,
believe it or not.
And then his nerves
got the better of him,
and he's not as good anymore.
Let me, uh, introduce you
to the rest of
these knuckleheads.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Uhh! God.
JIMMY:
Nighty-night, Magoo.
[LAUGHING]
[GROANS]
Smelling salts? We're all out.
All right, everyone,
this is Steve.
He's the, uh, Yankee kid
who's trying out
for the team today, eh?
Steve is the, uh...
Uhh! Uhh!
Was the leading scorer
on the California
high school hockey league
championship team.
Do they even have
ice in California?
[LAUGHTER]
Now let's practice,
and I want to see
a little hustle. Let's go!
You got it, Coach!
Ha ha!
[PLAYERS SNICKERING]
BOY:
Come on, Larry.
[STICKS CLACK]
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[BOY LAUGHS]
MOOSE:
Stosh, other way!
Oh! Damn!
MAGOO:
Okay, I'm gonna get him.
Aw, hell.
All right, California.
LARRY:
Let's get him!
Ooh.
Welcome to junior "B" hockey.
No time to celebrate.
Heh heh heh.
You like that, palm tree boy?
Smelling salts!
[BOYS RAZZING, CHUCKLING]
Out of smelling salts.
Ah, he'll come around.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[FOOTSTEPS]
Uh, if I could have
your attention.
I have some very...
Sad news to report today.
Last night, Dr. Kendall
had a heart attack.
He's no longer with us.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[WIND WHISTLING]
ANNOUNCER:
Good evening, hockey fans.
This is Willy Drucker,
the voice of
the Nelson Golden Nuggets,
bringing you tonight's
highly anticipated
season opener.
BOY:
What are they doing?
One win this season,
that's all I ask.
Just one win.
[PLAYING ORGAN]
DRUCKER:
Here come the Nuggets,
powering onto the ice.
WOMAN:
You guys suck!
[HONKING HORN]
And there's a new addition
to this year's squad,
Steven Westover from California.
[ALL GRUNTING]
STOSH:
Moose, the slot!
DRUCKER: Moose
passes the puck to Stosh.
Oh! He misses it by
a country kilometer.
MARLOWE:
Westover, get out there.
DRUCKER: All right, the
Yankee gets his first shift.
Let's see what he can do.
Pass the puck!
I'm open!
DRUCKER: Westover is wide open,
and Larry refuses
to pass the puck.
Come on... ohh!
FANS:
Ohh!
PLAYER:
Pick up the puck!
MOOSE:
Uh-oh.
DRUCKER: The Vikings turn around.
He's wide open.
MAGOO:
Come on, come on, come on.
DRUCKER:
He shoots and scores!
Oh! Four-nothing! Oh!
Coach Marlowe certainly
has his work cut out for him
if he wants
to turn things around.
Let's hope we see
better hockey coming up
for the rest
of the season, folks.
LARRY: Hoo hoo.
Man, we suck tonight.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hey, quiet, man. If you
could stick handle...
[DARREN HUMMING]
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Who's that?
[CHATTERS]
Shh.
I have decided to
discontinue the research,
and sell the chimp
to another facility.
It had been my understanding
that Dr. Kendall was planning
to send the chimpanzee
back to El Simian
Nature Preserve.
I realize. However...
As Dean of Scientific Research
for this entire university,
it is my duty to make sure
this department stays on budget.
Jack has been sold
to the University of Tennessee
research hospital.
Oh.
EINSTEEN: Isn't that where
they're doing hepatitis testing?
Ow!
I'm not sure.
It's only a rumor.
None of this information
should leave this group.
DARREN:
Hepatitis.
Hepatitis.
Not good, Jack.
People can die from that, Jack.
[JACK CHATTERING]
What, Jack?
[CHATTERS]
Yes, this is
very nice, Jack, but...
What?
Home?
You want to go home.
Okay.
[SNIFFS]
Yeah, lots of underwear
is a good idea, Jack.
Okay.
Good idea, Jack.
Whoa!
ANNOUNCER:
Attention all passengers
traveling on Amtrak train
number 3-9.
Service from San Diego
to Los Angeles,
San Francisco...
CLERK:
Mm-hmm.
Yes. I'd like one ticket
to El Simian, please.
ANNOUNCER:
Now boarding on platform 6.
[WHISPERING]: Hang on, Jack.
We're almost out of the station.
And you're doing a
really good job.
And I'm really,
really proud of you.
[JACK CHATTERS]
That's the third stop
before San Francisco.
Don't miss it. Okay?
Take Gate 3.
Thank you, Sir.Mm-hmm.
ANNOUNCER:
This is the last boarding call
for service to Los Angeles,
San Francisco,
Seattle, Vancouver,
and Nelson, Canada,
on Platform 6.
[WHISPERING]:
You okay, Jack?
[CHATTERS]
Ah. Okay. So when
you get there,
give this to the taxi driver,
and he'll let you off
at the preserve, okay?
Then you can see
your mama again, Jack.
And don't forget to
listen for El Simian.
Okay?
CONDUCTOR:
Can I take your bag, Ma'am?
Here's a seat for you,
Sir, right window.
All right, folks, I'll be back
in a moment for your tickets.
Tickets, please.
Tickets.
Thank you.
Here. Have a good trip.
There you are.
Ticket, please.
[CLACKING]
CONDUCTOR: Just a second, folks.
We're going through a tunnel.
Thank you very much.
Ticket, please.
Thank you.
Enjoying your trip?
DRUCKER:
That was an obvious penalty, folks.
But don't expect much.
This ref is a home-towner.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[CHEERING]
Aw, come on, ref.
[AIR HORN BLOWS]
Moose is dragged off the ice
with only 30 seconds left.
It's Tigers 3, Nuggets 2,
and gettin' uglier by the
minute, ladies and gentlemen.
These Tigers
aren't tigers at all.
They are gorillas!
STEVEN:
Hey, ref! Hey!
That's a penalty, right?
That was a clean hit.
You gotta be kidding me.
Get over it. Okay?
They're the home team.
He's not callin' nothin' on 'em.
Look, this ain't
high school hockey, okay?
Yeah, you're right about that.
He's gonna headhunt you
on the faceoff.
Thanks.
[AIRHORN, TRAIN HORN BLOWS]
[JACK CHATTERS]
Come on, baby.
[MUTTERING]
FAN:
Get him!
PLAYER:
Go, take it!
PLAYER:
You got the shot, man!
MAN IN CROWD:
Egg him!
Egg him!
MAN IN CROWD:
Oh, yeah!
REFEREE:
Come on! Break it up now!
Come on! Hey!
[SNORING]
Unh.
[MUTTERING]
[KISSES]
[FANS SHOUTING]
Aw, ha ha.
You okay, Yankee boy?
Get him!
All right!
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
Number 4, you're outta here!
MARLOWE:
Come on, guys, let's move it.
PLAYER:
I could've taken that guy.
PLAYER:
Attaboy, Steve.
[SIGHS]: I got tired of getting kicked
around, all right? I'm sorry.
Tara, no one's gonna scout
the worst junior "B" hockey team
in the history of the planet,
all right?
It's just not gonna happen.
Yeah, I guess you're
right, have faith.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Let's go.
[JACK SNORING]
El Simian.
El Simian stop.
[JACK SNORING]
[JACK SNORING]
[CLANGING]
[TRAIN HORN BLOWS]
CONDUCTOR: End of the line, folks.
Everybody off.
We're in Nelson, B.C.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
[WIND WHISTLES]
What?
Huh?
Hmmph.
[GRUNTS]
Hey, how was school today?
How many kids do you know
that can speak two
languages and lip read, huh?
'Cause I know one girl
who can, all right?
Give me a hug.
[WHIMPERS]
[ANIMAL HOWLS]
[TICKING]
[LIPS SMACKING]
Aah![CHATTERS]
What's the matter?
What happened?
Did you say a monkey
in the woods?
Tara, this is Canada, all right?
There's no monkeys in the woods.
Maybe it was...
a beaver or something?
We're gonna be late
for school. We gotta go.
[NO AUDIO]
You're saying that the chimp
never arrived?
[GRUNTING]
Out... of my... way!
Where is that monkey? STUDENT: Whoa!
Where's the monkey?
Jack?
Oh, uh, he's gone?
Who stole that chimp?
I don't know.
I'll find that chimp
if it's the last thing I do!
Uhh![SNICKERS]
Hmm!
[GRUNTING]
[TICKING]
Aah!
[JABBERING]
PLAYER:
Go Nuggets!
PLAYER:
Get lost!
PLAYER 2:
He's pullin' down my pants, man.
Listen, bro!
What's up with you guys?
I mean, all you do
is goof around,
and we get our butts kicked
every game.
Do you like losing or something?
PLAYER:
That's easy for you to say, man.
We don't have plans
of touring the country
on a hockey scholarship.
LARRY:
Yeah, wonder boy.
My next job's gonna be
in Moose Jaw
pumping gas at
my uncle's station.
Yeah, and I'll be on the farm
in Speedy Creek tossing hay.
That's what happens when
you're passed up by the scouts.
At least you could go out
with a little bit of pride,
and not look like a bunch of
losers. That's all I'm saying.
Hey, hey!
Hey, don't throw that at me.
Guys, I think the kid's
got a point.
Aw, come on.
Whatever.
Shh.
Shh.
[KISSES]
[STEVEN SIGHS]
Hey.
Have you seen my math book?
[SIGHS]
Eh, no.
[CLOSES DOOR]
You haven't seen any monkeys
again, have you?
[SPUTTERING]
No. How was practice?
Practice was fine.
[GRUNTING]
Listen, just tell me if you
see anything, all right?
[JACK PANTING]
[SIGHS]
Shh.
[CHATTERS]
[ALARM BEEPING]
I'll get it.
Uhh.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[HUMMING]
[CHATTERS]
[STEVEN CONTINUES HUMMING]
[GRUNTS]
[HUMMING]
[URINATING]
[STOPS URINATING]
Up and down.
Through.
[SNIFFS]
Hey.
[SIGHS]
Jack.
The monkey...
you saw in the woods.
I wanted to surprise everybody.
Tara, it's not a good idea.
I mean, Mom's not
gonna let you keep him.
I guess we can take him
with us today,
but we can't keep
the secret much longer.
I mean, look at him.
[SIGHS]:
Go get dressed, all right?
Honey, have you seen my glasses?
[JACK CHATTERING]
What?
These?
[SCREECHING]
[MARK HUMMING]
[GROANING]
Okay, okay. Fine.
STEVEN:
Let's go.
MARK:
There they are.
Thanks, kids.
Okay.
Trying to teach
a chimp to skate.
Like that's gonna happen.
It feels like magic
With your
Hand in mine
I'm hopin'
It'll never end
I feel so happy
And it blows my mind
That we can be the
Best of friends
I can feel it everywhere
Somethin' magic
In the air
It's in the way
You make me smile
The way that you move me
Like we're
Laughin' out loud
In a silent movie
I can feel it
Everywhere
It feels like magic
When the beat starts
Happenin'
To an old-time song
A certain magic
Fills the air
Your feet start tappin',
And before too long
You're makin' moves
Like Fred Astaire
I can feel it
Everywhere
Somethin' magic
In the air
It's in the way
You make me smile
The way that you
Move me
Like we're laughin'
Out loud
In a silent movie
I can feel it
Everywhere
It feels like magic
[NO AUDIO]:
Wow.
Nice shot. With practice,
you'll actually hit the net.
I want to assure you that
we here at the university
are dedicated to getting
back Jack... Jack back.
REPORTER: Is it true
that many of the alumni
have threatened to withhold
their donations this year
until Jack is found unharmed?
I... Well...
No comment.
Huh.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hello
Hello. Mrs. Westover?
Oh, it's so nice
to finally meet you.
We're early. Uh, just an hour.
Oh. Ha ha ha ha!
Thank you so much for allowing
the use of your house
for the meeting today.
Well, usually Rosemary has
the meeting at her house,
but, you know, heh,
since she's in the middle
of refurbishing her sofa...
Oh, you've got a little
coffee stain on your shirt.
Oh, come on in. Hi.
Hi. Welcome.
Come on in.
Hi. Come on in.
Welcome.
Hi. Yeah.
Come on in.
Ay.
Okay.
You stay here.
Be good.
[CHATTERS]
[LADIES TALKING]
[CLINKING]
If I could have everyone's
attention, please,
as we bring our meeting
to order.
Now, uh, the first item
on our agenda is dog stuff.
Now, it has been brought
to my attention
that some of our neighbors
have experienced...
Well, let's just call them
"incidences"
on their front lawns.
[CHATTERING]
[DOOR SQUEAKS]
I thought Tara had left.
WOMAN:
And health considerations.
And perhaps most important...
Uh, would you please
excuse me for a moment?
I have to refill the tray.
WOMAN:
Ah, yes, of course.
[WOMAN SPEAKING]
WOMAN:
...Taking the garbage out
in his galoshes, thank heavens,
and he stepped in doggy
poo-poo of unknown origin,
which he then proceeded to
get all over my new carpet!
Oh! Oh!
[WOMEN GASP]
Uh, Linda, it's your turn. Thank you.
WOMAN:
Very interesting. Different.
WOMAN: And it goes well
with... the biscuits.
Aah!
Oh, my!
What happened?
She's had a heart attack.
Get some smelling salts.
Marge, do something.
What kind of tea did you make?
[CHATTERS]
DRUCKER:
Hello again, everybody.
This is Willy Drucker,
the Voice of the Nuggets,
coming to you live
from the Nelson arena.
Tonight the Nuggets
go head to head
against the Kamloops Buccaneers.
[PLAYING ORGAN]
[FANS UNENTHUSIATIC]:
Charge.
[PLAYS MELODY]
LARRY:
Good shot, Stevie!
Get him, Moose!
Pantywaist.
[PLAYER]:
Cross ice!
[ROARS]
Cover your man!
Cover your man!
MARLOWE: All right, Moose!
Yeah, that's it!
I'm over the line!
Stay on him, guys.
Stay on him.
Let's go! Let's go!
Shoot it, Stevie!
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, Bill.
[WHIMPERS]
You keep your fingers crossed.
Maybe we're gonna win one
tonight. Okay? Ha, ha.
Oh. Uh, hey.
MARLOWE:
Okay, boys, let's go!
Let's hustle!
Way to hustle, men!
Way to hustle!
Yeah! You're playing
like you wanna win.
Moose, be physical.
That's what I've been
trying to teach you, pal.
That's right.
We stand a chance.
We may actually win this game.
Come on.
You didn't put anything
in the, uh, water, did you?
Like caffeine or something?
No way.
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
Yeah!
Way to put it away!
[FANS CHEERING]
Uh, uh.
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
Glove. Blocker.
Somebody help me.
Magoo, it's in the corner!
Thanks, Moose!
Aah!
This corner?
Okay, there it is.
[CHATTERS]
MAN:
Get up, you wuss!
DRUCKER:
The Bucc player takes possession.
See here.
He scores!
The teams are knotted
at 2 apiece.
When I'm done
With my preparations
Just the sight of me
Will start a celebration
I look good
I feel so right
And my threads are clean
And outta sight
MAN:
Come on, Westover!
Come on, guys!
Dig, dig, dig, dig! Let's go!
Coolest lookin'
Dude on ice
Oh they're gonna die
When they see me
I'm cool baby
The coolest lookin'
Dude on ice
Oh baby
Get a load of me
[CHATTERING]
PLAYER:
Get in front of him!
I've been a bad bad boy
I've been a
Bad bad boy
I've been a bad bad boy
All through the night
All through the day
[CHATTERING]
WOMAN:
Come on, guys! Defense!
Come on! Come on!
[SIGHS]
Hey, move up to the line!
DRUCKER:
Looks like Ripchimpski is back.
Wait a minute. That can't be.
He's on the bench.
Whoever he is,
he's just intercepted a pass,
and he is flying down the wing!
Wow. That new guy
is fast.
He's so little.
I think he's
from California too.
DRUCKER:
The little guy winds up.
A blistering shot!
He scores!
Yeah!
That was sweet!
What was that?
Who was that?
Holy Toledo, that guy's good.
[CHATTERING]
Wait a minute.
It's a monkey!
[FANS LAUGH]
DRUCKER:
It looks like Coach Marlowe
is up to his old tricks again.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
Ineligible player.
No goal!
[CROWD BOOING]
Sorry about that, Coach. It'll
never happen again.
Well, that's too bad.
He looked like a keeper.
[SIGHS]
Hey, Mom. MARK: Hi, honey.
How was your, uh, meeting?
Oh, great. Until one
of the ladies decided
that she saw a monkey
outside the window.
Hey... where's Tara?
Oh, um... Uh, ahem.
Mom, Tara has something that
she wants to show you.
[GASPS]
Oh, my goodness.
Ohh...
SUSIE:
Well, thank you for looking.
Bye-bye.
[BEEP]
Nobody seems
to be missing a chimp.
All the chimps at the zoo
seem to be accounted for.
Let me tell you what I predict.
I predict that if you do this,
you'll have so many people
comin' to the games,
you won't have enough seats
to put 'em all in.
Well, wait a minute, now.
Technically, he's a chimp.
But-but they say that the chimp
is our closest relative.
You may have a point there.
It's just like your sister
Mavis joinin' the team.
Well, that may not be
the best example,
but, uh, I know
what you mean. Yeah.
Think of all the increased
revenue, Harry.
MARLOWE: Come on, let me
lay my cards on the table here.
We all know
you've been losing money
for years
on these teams. Okay?
We know you got
a profit-sharing plan.
So if this works out,
it's not just the Nuggets
who cash in.
You're all gonna make
some bucks. Think about it.
Yeah, Harry.
Then I could be buying
that Nintendo set
my son's been on about all year.
Uh, I say we vote yes.
I think the coach has
a relevant thing here, eh?
I mean, at least we'll win
at the box office.
Well, all those
in favor, say "eh"!
ALL:
Eh!
Ho, ho. You are not gonna
regret this, believe me.
You will not regret this.
Yes! Yeah.
[WHISTLING]
For those of you
who haven't noticed,
our hairy little cousin
has been invited to
join the team.
Oh, I thought you were talking
about my cousin Ernest.
PETER: Are we gonna have, like,
monkey bars in here and stuff?
No. As of last night,
the board has officially
amended the rules
so that Jack here can
now be part of the Nuggets.
What? You mean to tell me
we got a monkey on our team?
With the help of this chimp,
not a monkey, a chimpanzee,
we may have
a championship season, guys.
Um... Heh.
Don't you mean
a chimpionship, Sir?
[LAUGHTER]
Coach... Are we on
Candid Camera, here?
[CHUCKLING]
BOY: Oh, you got to
be kidding me.
[SIGHS]
Holy chimp.
Man.
Look at him skate.
He's a bullet.
Excuse me, are you guys
waitin' for an invitation
to go practice? Get out
on the ice. Let's go.
MAGOO: Okay, guys, give me
your best shot.
Let's see what you're
made of. Come on.
Guys, you've gotta try
and hit the net.
I need some practice here.
Huh?
Finally.
Huhh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh!
[LAUGHTER]
[CHATTERING]
DRUCKER:
Hello again, hockey fans.
Willy Drucker here
with another illustrious
Golden Nuggets game.
[PLAYING ORGAN]
[LAUGHS]
Here we go, souvenir peanuts.
DRUCKER:
The hard-hitting Vernon Vikings
have entered the arena.
If they win this game,
they clinch a spot
for themselves in the playoffs,
and if the Golden Nuggets lose,
they have absolutely no chance
of making the playoffs.
[TRUMPETER PLAYS FANFARE]
Wait a minute.
The monkey is back.
Oh, the crowd is going bananas.
[LAUGHTER]
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
Don't worry, Jack, all right?
They're all cheering for you.
[CHATTERS]
[ORGANIST PLAYS MELODY]
CROWD:
Charge!
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
Jack! Come on, Jack!
Yeah! Whoo!
[LAUGHS]
Whoo.
[CHATTERS]
STOSH:
Good job, Jack.
Yeah!
MARLOWE: Come on, guys, let's go.
Change it up.
Hustle, hustle, hustle.
Harold... you got to cover
that chimp.
DRUCKER:
Uh-oh. The Vikings have sent out
Harold Ludwig, their tough
defense man, to cover Jack.
Grr![CHATTERS]
Huh?
[GASPS]
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Argh!
[LAUGHS]
Where is he?
Where is he, guys?
Where'd he go?
DRUCKER:
Oh, and check it out, folks.
Jack is making a monkey
out of the Viking defense man.
What's the matter, Harold?
You can't cover your player, eh?
Come on, now.
Get out of here.
All right.
[LAUGHS]
REFEREE:
Aw, you're a hoser.
Huh?
Ahh.
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
[CHATTERS]
BOTH:
Whoa! Whoa!
[BOTH IMITATING CHIMPS]
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
Yeah!
Aah!
I always said these guys
were winners.
CROWD:
Whoa! Ohh!
Heh heh heh!
Ha ha ha ha!
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
DRUCKER:
Well, folks, that's it.
The Nuggets have their first
victory of the season.
Uhh! Ha ha ha ha!
All right!
All right! Way to play,
way to hustle.
We finally won one.
I knew we could do it.
Way to go.
Way to go, gentlemen, way to go.
And, hey, way to play, chimp.
And-and you too, guys.
You were good.
Now, don't worry, Tara.
You'll do just fine.
What if they make fun of me?
They won't.
Go on.
Bye.
His name is Jack.
He speaks with his hands,
but not in American
sign language like me.
[KISSES]
[LAUGHTER]
His favorite foods are bananas,
raisins, and...
Oh. Jube-jubes.
[LAUGHTER]
STEVEN:
You ready, Magoo?
I'm going to go
top right, all right?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Just shoot.
Okay, give me
a good shot. Come on.
On the right,
on the left, on the right.
On the...
Scored.
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
You can't see, can you?
Of course I can see.
I didn't shoot the puck, Magoo.
Well...
I can see the big things.
Magoo, you're a goalie.
Come on, I got an idea.
Let's go.
Lights out.
Hmm?
Will Jack be able to stay
with us forever?
No, we can't keep Jack forever.
I'm sure Jack has a family
of his own somewhere.
But we can keep Jack for now.
Oh, come here, baby.
Kiss.
[KISSES]
WOMAN:
Alice, for heaven's sake.
You're never going
to get that up there.
Here, Jack.
CROWD:
Oh!
Hey, Bart, ka-ching, ka-ching.
[BOTH IMITATE CHIMPS]
Thank you, Sir.
Nice save. Thanks, man.
Good job.
[ALL CHANTING]:
Magoo! Magoo!
Ha ha ha!
There you go, buddy.
[CHATTERS]
[LAUGHS]
[STUDENTS LAUGH]
[STUDENTS LAUGH]
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]Yeah!
[HONKS HORN]
[IMITATES CHIMP]
And another win for the Nuggets.
Now they're just one game away
from going all the way
to the Harvest Cup,
and that's going to be tough
because they're up against
their old archrivals
the Kitimat Tigers.
DRUCKER:
Stosh comes up the wing.
Oh! He's clotheslined
by the Tiger bench.
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Ha ha ha ha!
DRUCKER: It's 2 all with less
than 14 seconds left.
It looks like we'll be
going into overtime.
MAN:
Come on, Jack, shoot!
Whoa!
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
No goal.
[CROWD BOOS]
Get a pair of glasses, ref!
What's up?
That ref is really something.
Check the net?
Tara, Jack missed.
Fine.
DRUCKER:
Hold on.
It appears that
the Golden Nuggets Captain
has asked the referee
to check the net
for a hole.
It's a goal!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
DRUCKER: The Nuggets
are going all the way
to the Harvest Cup.
[FLASHBULB POPS]
I understand, Sir.
The alumni will not
provide funds...
REPORTER: And now
for today's play of the day.
Unless Jack is safely returned.
REPORTER:
Nelson, B.C. is going ape
over their newest
hockey hero Jack,
a young chimpanzee.
His blistering slap shot
has helped turn around
a 40 game losing streak,
leading them to win
the Junior "B" Championship.
With the championship
feather in his cap...
[STAMMERS]
Oh, Dr. Peabody!
I'll have the chimp back
within 48 hours!
- Get me Einst.
- get me Einsteen!
Einsteen!
Get me Einsteen!
MAID:
Oh, yes! Oh!
[JACK WHIMPERS]
STEVEN:
Pete?
Whoa, check out the size
of that building.
Holy...
How about this one?
BOY:
Whoo! Whoa.
BOY:
Whoo-hoo!
Man, Toto, we sure
ain't in Kansas anymore.
Well, boys, this is it.
It's the big time.
This is my 15 minutes of fame.
Ha ha!
This place rocks.
Oh, man.
I got to take a seat.
[INHALES]
I love the smell of Zamboni
fumes in the morning.
[SNIFFS]
Thank you, folks, section 23,
right on through.
Welcome to Harvest Cup.
Section 117.
Thanks.
Come on, sweetie.
Welcome, hockey fans.
We're broadcasting live
from G.M. Place
in Vancouver.
This is the final
of the Harvest Cup
between the Nelson Golden Nuggets,
and the Calgary Polar Bears.
MARLOWE:
Last one out is a monkey's uncle.
DRUCKER:
And who would've thought, Don,
that the Nelson Golden
Nuggets would be here,
all the way to the Harvest Cup,
after the string of losses
that they suffered
earlier in the season?
This is a Cinderella story
like few we've ever seen.
But I'll tell you,
these Nuggets might lose a hold
of that brass ring
they've got tonight,
because they're up against
the toughest junior
"A" team in the country,
the Calgary Polar Bears.
And, as usual,
the stands are full
of scouts tonight,
as they look at the finest
display of talent
in western Canada.
[CHITTERING]
Don't worry, Jack.
It's just another game,
all right?
Just play hard.
Ohh!
Unh! Ohh!
Uh-oh.
FAN: Knock him down, Moose!
Yeah! Good shot!
Yeah!
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
DON: Boy, oh, boy,
it's one to nothing
for the Polar Bears
before the first whistle,
and your Nuggets
are reeling already.
I wouldn't count
the Nuggets out yet, Don.
Remember, it's not over
until it's over.
You're not going anywhere!
Ahh! Uhh! I'm hurt!
Ooh!
Ooh.
Whoo!
Magoo is in the house.
DON: The edge in play here
has to go to the Polar Bears.
The Nuggets haven't mustered
any offense at all.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[GASPS]
Uhh. Uhh.
Hey, kid, have you
seen this chimp?
PEABODY: Where is the
Golden Nuggets' locker room?
Oh.
Wait.
Come back here!
Hey, Tara.
Hey, Steven.
Hey, what's up?
Some guys want to take Jack?
MARLOWE:
What's going on?
STEVEN:
Some guy wants to take Jack.
PEABODY:
There she is!
Dr. Peabody,
Pueblo University.
Hi. I'm
Coach Marlowe.
You're not thinking of taking
our star player, now, are you?
Because that would really
throw a monkey wrench
into something that
these big, strapping,
strong young hockey players
have worked a long time for.
PEABODY:
We have a court order,
and we're not leaving
without that chimp.
MARLOWE:
Is that a fact? Huh.
This area, by the way,
is only for hockey players,
which you are not.
So, uh...
Unless you're going
to put on some skates,
you'll have to excuse me.
Have a nice day.Toodles.
PEABODY:
I want back Jack! Damn!
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER P.A.]
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
PLAYER:
Get him, get him!
PLAYER:
Moose, give it to Stosh.
Come on, you guys!
Okay, okay. Unh! Aah!
STOSH:
Steven! Steve, up the middle!
Ooh! Ow!
Unh! Aah! No!
DRUCKER:
Holy cow!
What a blistering
piece of rubber.
Excuse me.
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER P.A.]
So, what are we going to do now?
Get him at the end of the game,
before he leaves the ice.
All the exits are covered.
Hey, what's up?
Ah, there they are.
What'd they say?
End of the game, huh?
Thanks.
PLAYER:
Get in front of him!
DON: Well, I never
would've imagined it,
but this has got to be
the hardest fought contest
for the Harvest Cup
we've seen
in a long time, Willy.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Hey, what's up?
What's this?
This is where Jack's from?
Hmm.
Ahh.
PLAYER:
Got some ice?
Jack...
I-I know they're taking you away
at the end of the game.
I-I was knitting
this hat for you.
You know, it's not
quite done yet,
but I wanted you to have it.
I'm sure going
to miss you, Jack.
Hey, Coach. Yeah?
I guess you know
that I've been healthy
for months.
Yeah, I knew that, Pete.
You know, it takes
a man to admit that.
Man, I sure love playing...
maybe even as much as Jack.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just one second.
Hey, you want to stop
blaming yourself?
They've got a court order
to take Jack,
and there is nothing
you can do about it, okay?
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Hey, Coach, I've got
an idea to save Jack.
[WHISPERING]
Hmm?
Hello?
Hi. This is
Steven Westover.
I'm calling about a chimpanzee.
Jack. Yeah, that's it.
Perfect.
I don't believe it.
Right wing and Golden
Nuggets' top scorer
Steve Westover
is out with an injury,
and he's being replaced
by Team Captain
Pete Ripchimpski,
who's also returning
from an injury.
DON:
Well, that's a real shame,
because Westover played well
in that second period,
and had a couple
of great scoring chances.
Jack's going to have
to step forward,
and pick up his pace
now that Westover's gone.
Hey, good to see you back
on skates, Ripchimpski.
Good to be back, Coach.
What are you
standing around for?
Go score me some goals.
Let's go.
Go get 'em, Pete! Yeah! Let's do it!
Yeah.
CROWD:
Go, Nuggets, go!
Go, Nuggets, go!
Sir, can you put the radio on
to the hockey game...
if possible?
Mm-hmm.Thanks.
DRUCKER:
Bodies flying everywhere!
PLAYER:
Get in front of him!
Get him, get him! Ohh!
PLAYER: Skate, skate,
skate, skate, skate!
Ohh!
PLAYER:
Screen him! Screen him!
DON:
That save was beautiful!
DRUCKER:
That puck was signed, sealed,
and delivered
top shelf, glove side.
Two minutes
and 30 seconds to go.
And it's a tie game.
It's anybody's game.
Come on.
Let's get ready.
DON: The Nuggets
managed just two shots
on that power play.
This game's starting
to open up a bit.
PLAYER:
Get it out!
PLAYER:
Hold on! Hold on!
PLAYER:
Go to the net!
Uhh.
[REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE]
DRUCKER:
It's in! It's a goal!
Yes!
Yeah!
Whoo! We won!
[HONKS HORN]
We won!
You hear that?
We won.
We won the Harvest Cup.
Isn't that awesome?
Yeah!
Whoo! Oh!
[GIGGLES]
Ha, ha!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!
[SHOUTING]
Whoa!
PEABODY:
I am Dr. Heinrich Peabody,
and I have a court order
to take this monkey
back to the Pueblo University.
Now, who are you
calling a monkey?
It's a girl.
PLAYER:
Duh.
PLAYER:
Great. Ha ha!
[PLAYERS LAUGH]
[AIRHORN BLOWS]
PLAYER:
See ya.
PLAYER:
April fools.
PLAYER:
All right, guys!
Thank you. Have a nice flight.
Hey.
Well, this is it.
You're on your way home...
Where you belong,
with your family.
Tara asked me to give you these.
WOMAN:
Final boarding call.
That's you.
Gotta go now.
We'll see you later, okay?
Thank you.
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
[ALL SHOUTING]
PLAYER:
Nuggets! Nuggets! Nuggets!
How are you?
[LAUGHS]
[PLAYERS YELLING]
PLAYER:
Whoo!
How's Jack?
He's on his way.
You okay? I'm fine.
LARRY:
Did you hear?
Magoo got signed by the foreign
team for the Mighty Ducks.
That's awesome.
MARK:
Where's,
where's Jack?
Oh. He's
on his way home.
PLAYER:
Whoo-hoo!
Clear sailin'
From now on
[GRUNTING]
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
So long
Bye-bye
Clear sailin'
From now on
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
So long
Bye bye bye
Bye bye bye
Oh
Clear sailin'
From now on
MARLOWE:
Westover.
Come on, they can take
your picture later.
Come on over here. There's
someone I want you to meet.
This is Sam Richards,
a good old friend of mine.
Steven Westover. Nice to meet you.
Just wanted to invite you
to join the team this fall.
MARLOWE: Yeah. He coaches
a team in Vancouver, WHL.
Now, it's a big commitment.
You may want to discuss
this with your folks.
Yeah, yeah.
I've already thought about it.
That's awesome.
I'll be there.
Yeah.
All right.
You call me. Yeah, I will.
All right, man.
Way to go.
[PLAYER SHOUTS]
Say, the Junior "B" team?
[TARA LAUGHS]
[TARA LAUGHS]
[SCREECHES]
Jack!
Buddy, where you been?
What took you so long?
[SCREECHING]
It feels like magic
With your
Hand in mine
I'm hopin'
It'll never end
I feel so happy
And it blows my mind
That we can be
The best of friends
I can feel it
Everywhere
Somethin' magic
In the air
It's in the way
You make me smile
The way
That you move me
Like we're
Laughin' out loud
In a silent movie
I can feel it
Everywhere
It feels like magic
When the beat
Starts happenin'
To an old time song
A certain magic
Fills the air
Your feet start tappin',
And before too long
You're makin' moves
Like Fred Astaire
I can feel it
Everywhere
Somethin' magic
In the air
It's in the way
You make me smile
The way
That you move me
Like we're
Laughin' out loud
In a silent movie
I can feel it
Everywhere
It feels like magic
I can feel it
Everywhere
Somethin' magic
In the air
It's in the way
You make me smile
The way
That you move me
Like we're
Laughin' out loud
In a silent movie
I can feel it
Everywhere
It feels like magic
Feels like magic
It feels like magic
Feels like magic
Clear sailin' from now on
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
So long
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
So long
Clear sailin'
From now on
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
So long
Bye bye bye
Bye bye bye
Oh
Clear sailin'
From now on
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
Bye-bye
Clear sailin'
From now on
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
Bye bye bye bye
Clear sailin'
From now on
Hey
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
Hey
Yeah yeah yeah
Clear sailin'
From now on
Bye bye
Bye bye bye
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long
Oh
So long
Clear sailin'
From now on
The sky's the limit
Bye-bye so long