My Best Friend's Exorcism (2022) Movie Script
1
("Take On Me" by a-ha playing)
- (phone ringing)
- (owl hoots)
- ABBY: Hey, Gretchen.
- GRETCHEN: Abby, I want details.
I need to know what
Brother Morgan was doing to you.
ABBY (sighs):
It was a dream, and it was one time,
and I don't even remember.
GRETCHEN:
Yes, you do. Where did he put his tongue?
In the most unholiest of places?
ABBY (over phone):
Ew. Stop. Go back to your quiz.
GRETCHEN:
Fine. Hey, this one's written for us.
"Your best friend is leaving town, but
you still have her favorite dress on loan.
("Do you A) not mention it
and hope she won't notice,
(or B) give it back to her?"
"A." Duh.
- Hey!
- Swear my zits breed overnight.
GRETCHEN:
At least your mom lets you wear makeup.
ABBY:
I can't believe you're moving this summer.
GRETCHEN:
It's gonna be fine, Abbs.
We're always gonna be friends.
ABBY:
I'm never gonna say goodbye.
You know that.
GRETCHEN:
You've got Glee and Margaret.
ABBY:
Margaret's such a dick around Wallace.
GRETCHEN: Oh, she's okay.
ABBY:
Should we just get emancipated now
so you can marry Boy George
and I can live in the guesthouse?
(scoffs) Get serious.
You'd obviously live
in the main house with me.
- Pick you up in ten?
- Love you like a sister.
- LYLAS.
- LYLAS.
I'll be coming for your love, okay?
- Take on me
- Take on me
Take me on
Take on me
I'll be gone
- In a day or two...
- (snoring)
MAN (on tape):
With the power of God,
I will become
the greatest real estate agent.
I have a positive mindset.
I know how to get the deal done.
- (woman clears throat)
- I have everything I need
for a prosperous and fulfilling life
right here inside of me.
Oh, the things that you say
Yeah, is it life or...
MAN (on tape):
I can do all things through him,
the Almighty, who gives me strength.
Positive thinking will allow success.
The Lord is always with me.
That is the end of tape three,
"Power Realtors."
- (sighs)
- (car horn honks)
- Take on me
- Take on me
Take me on
Take on me
- I'll be gone...
- (song stops abruptly)
- (school bell rings)
- (students chattering)
You guys are so queer.
Don't be jealous, Margaret,
just 'cause you want my bod.
- (Margaret scoffs, chuckles)
- Ew. Gross, Gretchen.
There's nothing gross about
the sapphic pleasures, Glee.
Just ask Sister Kathleen.
(laughter)
ALL:
Good morning, Sister Kathleen.
- Good morning.
- (girls laughing)
"Your bestie starts spending
all her time with a guy you don't like.
("Do you A) tell her how you feel
but decide to trust her judgment,
(or B) sabotage the relationship?"
- Hey, fuck bae.
- Hey, Wally.
ALL: "B."
This quiz is supposed to be
about friendship.
Why are all the questions about guys?
Because, as women,
we only exist in relation to men.
Hello.
That's such bullshit.
We have got to defy and deny that.
It's gonna be hot this weekend.
Should we do something?
Who is feeling good about Jesus?
I know you are!
With Jesus at your side and a full set
of dumbbells, anything is possible!
Hey, Dad, can I go to Margaret's
lake house this weekend?
- What's that gonna cost?
- Just gas.
I'll use my yogurt money.
Will Gretchen Lang be there?
Yeah. So?
Just think you could stand
to think for yourself
a little more where Gretchen's concerned.
MAN (on TV):
This Saturday at 4:30 p.m.
- Where you going?
- ABBY: Gretchen's.
Her mom's hamburgers don't need any help.
(sighs)
(eerie music playing on TV)
This is like the 12th time
we've rented this tape.
The guy at Movie Mania asked
if I was a satanist.
Be kind, please rewind,
or I'll drink your blood.
(both laughing)
GRETCHEN: I'm ranking
Wallace Stoney as the horniest.
Did you see,
he has, like, beard hairs now?
(snickers) Yeah, all five of 'em.
(laughter)
Do I... think for myself?
You don't always say
what you're thinking, but I know.
Like right now you're thinking that
you want to pork Brother Morgan.
(chuckling): Oh, my God.
Oh, Meggie, you make me want
to renounce my celibacy.
- But, Ralph, you love God.
- (gasps)
Not more than I love you.
(both smooch, chuckle)
MR. LANG (in hallway):
We're not gonna be late.
I just want the girls to know
we're heading out.
- (gasps) Yes!
- (door opens)
(knocks)
We are off to vespers.
Abby, would you be a dear
and wash your feet
before you put them up on the furniture?
Thanks.
- Be good.
- And no soda before bed.
(whispering): Bang. Bang.
GRETCHEN:
Woo-hoo! Thank God it's the weekend.
(bird screeching)
("I Think We're Alone Now" by Tiffany
playing over stereo)
"Children, behave"
That's what they say...
Ugh. Why can't my parents
join a Kool-Aid cult and die already?
At least you're pretty.
Patty Hearst is pretty,
and look what happened to her.
What's over there?
This weird little building
where that girl, Molly Ravenel,
was sacrificed in a satanic ritual.
That's an urban legend.
Place is totally rancid,
but it's, like,
a historical landmark or something.
They can't tear it down.
I think we're alone now...
It's getting late. We should head inside.
Yeah, let's.
(singing along):
I think we're alone now
The beating of our hearts
is the only sound.
(mimicking rhythmic drumbeat)
(laughing)
(birds cawing)
MARGARET: I'd do the pizza guy.
ABBY: All that hair? Gross.
Abby, Twizzler time.
("Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell
playing over stereo)
- MARGARET: Can I have one?
- Uh...
(laughter)
- Cold. Colder.
- I'll make you pee.
(squeals, laughs)
Ugh. Hey, do your parents get cable here?
- I'm bored.
- Only boring people get bored.
You guys want to talk to some ghosts?
(others groaning)
ABBY: Ouija boards freak me out.
MARGARET: Come on, it'll be fun.
Surely, you can't be serious.
I am serious.
ALL:
"And don't call me Shirley." (laughter)
Ooh, we could ask it if Brother Morgan
- will ever do it with Abby.
- MARGARET: Ooh.
Come on, guys.
Don't you want to know
what really happened to Molly Ravenel?
No.
MARGARET: Well, I do.
Put your hands on it, and don't move it.
People call me on the phone
I'm trying to avoid
But can the people on TV see me...
ABBY: Fine.
Okay, we're gonna start
with a yes-or-no question.
Is anyone here?
'Cause I might open my eyes
and find someone standing there...
- You're moving it.
- Shh!
No, I'm not.
The board says yes.
Oh, my God.
Tell us your name.
GLEE: "No."
So who's here?
(electrical buzzing)
What do you want?
"M."
"I."
"N."
"Min," "min." "Mini"?
It's the ghost of Minnie Mouse.
- (laughter)
- (loud thud)
(gasping)
What was that?
How should I know?
Well, go look.
- Why me?
- It's your house.
I have a boyfriend.
- (scoffs)
- I have people who would miss me.
Wallace Stoney hardly qualifies
as a reason to live.
(chuckles)
Yeah, more like a reason to vaccinate.
(laughter)
Well, look who suddenly decided
to grow a pair.
I have a... pair.
Great. Then you won't mind
checking the closet.
(sighs) Fine.
- (thudding)
- (gasping)
- (thudding)
- (gasping)
(door creaks)
- (screams)
- (gasps)
(chuckling)
- (growls)
- (screaming)
Boo.
Oh, my God. You should've seen your faces.
Abby was soiling her Sergio Valentes.
(laughs)
Ew, gross. Really?
- No, not really.
- Really?
(laughter)
- Did I scare you? Did I scare you?
- (groans) Get out.
(laughter continues)
Harvey Wallbangers,
or as I call them, Harvey Will-Bang-Hers.
What are you even doing here, Wallace?
This was supposed to be
a girls' bonding weekend.
Go ahead and bond.
- I'll watch.
- GIRLS: Ew.
- What? Hey.
- Gross.
It's not just me. I brought a cute friend.
Who?
(hooting)
Mr. Owl.
(Wallace grunts)
(chuckling): No way.
Is that...
Uh, who wants to get high off their ass?
Righteous.
I don't know, you guys.
That stuff can melt your brain.
I don't want to end up
like Syd Barrett from Pink Floyd.
ABBY:
Yeah, isn't that the guy who thought
he was an orange and peeled himself?
Just say no, ladies.
No. No.
(sighs)
No.
- Yes. Yes.
- (chuckles)
- MARGARET (laughing): No.
- (Wallace grunting)
(belches)
Ew.
(laughing): Glorious Grape?
It's the best flavor.
(sighs, whoops)
Panties off. Time to skinny-dip.
Last one in's a spaz.
(Wallace and Margaret laugh)
(Glee whimpers)
Hey.
We do it together.
Anyone Syd-Barretts, we promise
to visit them at Southern Pines.
If I start wigging out,
you promise not to ditch me?
LYLAS?
LYLAS.
(both chuckle softly)
WALLACE: If you see a python
under the water, it's just me, ladies.
MARGARET (laughing):
You're an idiot.
GLEE: Are we gonna start tripping soon?
Oh, wait.
I'm seeing tracers.
No, you're not.
Are you?
(both laughing)
(water sloshing)
(Margaret and Wallace continue laughing)
GRETCHEN:
It's been over an hour, Wallace.
You boned us.
Well, it just takes a while to kick in.
What's up, Abby-Normal?
You scared to get nurky?
I just don't want to mess up my hair.
Would you stop worrying about your makeup?
No one cares that you have
a face full of zits.
- Margaret!
- What?
(Wallace laughing)
(Margaret chuckling)
MARGARET: Abby, I'm sorry.
GLEE: Why would you be so mean?
GRETCHEN: Abby, wait up.
I can't stand Margaret sometimes.
And Glee is like a little puppy dog.
She's so into her.
Margaret never thinks before she speaks.
Zits go away eventually.
She's right.
My face looks like a grease pizza.
- I'm hideous.
- (scoffs)
Take that back.
Why? It's true.
Abby, you're beautiful.
(scoffs softly)
No, I'm serious.
You've got these incredible eyes.
Oh, and you have the best smile.
(chuckles)
And one day, your skin's gonna clear up.
And then everyone will see
what I already know.
That Abby Rivers is a stone fox.
(laughing)
(owl hooting)
Come on.
I want to see something.
Hey, Mr. Owl.
Abby, look.
(chuckles)
- I knew it was back here.
- (electrical buzzing)
Okay. We've seen it.
Let's go in.
Seriously?
We love scary things.
Come on, Abbs. I'm gone soon.
One more adventure?
I-de-guy lo-de-guv you-de-goo?
I-de-guy lo-de-guv you-de-goo, too-de-goo.
(chuckles)
Margaret and Glee will never believe this.
Uh, you sure about this?
It's like it's bigger on the inside.
(laughs)
ABBY: We should go back.
GRETCHEN: It's so dark.
(laughs)
Oh, trippy.
Watch this.
ABBY: How are you doing that?
- (Gretchen laughs)
- (chittering)
- (footsteps scurrying)
- (gasps)
What was that?
I thought acid was just
supposed to make you see stuff.
Does it make you hear stuff, too?
We both heard it.
Right.
(takes deep breath)
(footsteps scurrying)
It's probably just Margaret
trying to freak us out again.
ABBY: Mm.
Come on.
Let's hide and scare her. (Chuckles)
(shuddering breath)
ABBY: Geez. It's freezing.
Smells like something died in here.
ABBY: What's that over there?
GRETCHEN: I don't know.
(gasping, shuddering)
You saw that, right?
Mm-hmm.
Who's there?
(hissing)
Run!
(grunts)
Oh, my knee.
(pained whimpering)
Abby! (Panting)
Where'd you go?
Please come back.
ABBY (distorted):
Gretchen, this way!
GRETCHEN:
Abby, how do I get out of here?
(panting)
- (distorted): Keep going, Abby.
- (coughs)
I'm right behind you.
I'm right behind you.
(gasping breaths)
(owl hooting)
GRETCHEN: I'm right here, Abby.
- Gretchen!
- I'm right here, Abby.
I'm right behind you.
ABBY: Gretchen, come on!
- Let's go!
- Abby, I don't see you.
Gretchen!
(distorted): Hurry! This way!
Where are you? I can't see you.
GRETCHEN: I'm right here, Abby.
ABBY: The door's down here.
Gretchen!
(gasps, groans)
Abby?
DEMONIC VOICE: Mine.
(Gretchen screams in distance)
(coughing)
- (owl hooting)
- (gasping breaths)
(coughing)
(panting, whimpering)
MARGARET: Abby? Gretchen?
Over here!
MARGARET: Abby, is that you?
(coughing)
There was something in the weird house,
and it was chasing us, and I ran.
Where's Gretchen?
I thought...
I thought she was right behind me.
No, I-I don't know.
She's gone. She's not there.
Um, where's Wallace?
He went home.
Well, we have to go back for her.
Gretchen!
Gretch!
- Gretchen!
- Gretch!
Gretchen!
This way.
MARGARET:
I really don't want to go into that place.
It's messed up and supposed to be haunted.
GLEE:
Are you sure she didn't run away, too?
No. She's in there.
- Come on.
- Mm-mm.
(groans)
- Gretchen.
- Gretchen!
- Gretch!
- Gretchen! -Gretchen!
Ugh. What's that smell?
Gretchen!
We saw something in here.
MARGARET:
You guys were just having a bad trip.
GLEE: What's that? A scarecrow?
ABBY: I-I thought it moved.
- (chittering)
- (screaming, panting)
Fucking raccoon.
- GLEE: Gretchen!
- MARGARET: Gretchen!
- GLEE: Gretchen!
- MARGARET: Where is she?
(gasps) Jesus. You scared me.
Where-where were you?
Where were you?
I thought you were right behind me.
(whimpers softly)
(sobbing)
Are you okay?
She's tripping balls.
(softly): Hey.
It's gonna be okay.
Can we go home now?
SISTER KATHLEEN:
Let's give a warm Aberdale welcome to.
"The Lemon Brothers
Have Faith & Fitness Show."
- Yeah!
- (rock music playing)
MARGARET: Aren't these the lame guys
who play the mall?
It's amazing to be here!
(laughing)
Hi. Howdy.
Hey, thanks for having us.
I'm Micah Lemon,
and these are my brothers.
- Jonah!
- (whoops)
And Christian!
- Yeah.
- Ha!
And we're here to lift you up to the Lord!
- (whooping)
- (applause)
- Whoa.
- (chuckles)
GLEE: Lunch in the quad later?
But I'm not eating anything.
I've gained two pounds since Friday.
I thought drugs were supposed
to make you lose weight.
Yeah, well, those drugs
didn't make us do anything.
Well, most of us.
When you feel the weight of the world
pressing down on you,
you'll hear a voice inside your head.
Hello?
Who's there?
No, it doesn't mean
you're ready for the funny farm,
because that voice is God,
and he's saying, "Dude, I got this."
(grunts, yells)
(students cheering)
(both chuckle)
Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Ha!
- Yeah!
Earth to Gretchen.
What's up?
Huh?
- Nothing.
- CHRISTIAN: When I'm sweating blood
and I don't think I'm gonna make
the clean and jerk,
- suddenly I'll feel lighter.
- Come on.
That's when I say, "Thank you, God.
Thank you for taking my load!"
(laughter)
Gretch.
Psst.
What?
Are you okay?
(chuckles softly)
CHRISTIAN: Well, don't they?
But that's when
we need to trust in God the most.
Whoa!
LEMON BROTHERS:
With the power of the cross,
anything is possible.
(yells)
(cheering)
(rock music continues)
And remember,
sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom.
- GLEE: I'll take a keychain!
- But that's just to show you
- that he is the rock at the bottom.
- (laughs)
(Gretchen taking short, trembling breaths)
(raspy breaths)
- Hey. We got shirts.
- (grunts)
Come on, let's go.
MICAH:
Now, who thinks they're strong?
JONAH:
Yeah, you are, Micah. Show 'em!
The Lord is power!
- (whooping) -(cheering)
- (rock music ends)
- MICAH: Yeah!
- JONAH: Yeah!
(birds chirping)
GLEE: You don't look so great, Gretchen.
You may want to eat something.
Maybe you should take
my P, B and J, Gretch.
I'm not hungry.
- MARGARET: Glee-Glee?
- GLEE: Hello.
You know I'm allergic to peanuts.
You're allergic to penis?
- You know, that explains a lot.
- (laughter)
Peanuts, you dipstick.
You know what?
I've got an EpiPen,
and I'm not afraid to use it.
- (yells)
- (laughter)
Good thing my girl's not.
Ugh. Would you guys stop sucking face?
It's nauseating.
We're nauseating?
Have you looked in a mirror today?
- Wally, I-I told you...
- I don't care if she had a bad trip.
She's being a snatch,
and she smells like dried spit.
GRETCHEN:
You're not fooling anyone
with your PDA, Stoney.
We all know you're packing a micro peanut.
What's your malfunction?
He's a poseur.
He only tells you he loves you
so you'll do him,
and he hits on your friends
behind your back.
Well, at least I'm not
an ice queen virgin bitch!
- MARGARET: Hey, guys, stop it.
- Oh, you...
- (all exclaiming, groaning)
- ABBY: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Gretchen!
This is Lacoste!
Is it true what Nancy Reagan says
about drugs...
That one time can, like,
totally ruin your life?
Why? Are you considering a coke habit?
This girl at school today, like, threw up,
and it got everywhere,
and it was really gross.
And her friend told me that she had
a bad acid trip over the weekend
and that she's been
acting weird ever since.
Stay out of it. You're on scholarship.
Keep your nose clean
and mind your own business.
- (insects chirping)
- (owl hooting)
(grunts softly)
(grunting softly)
(gasps softly)
(trembling breaths)
(whimpers)
(gasps)
(gasps)
It's cheap, tastes sweet,
but do not be fooled.
Each one of these contains a dangerously
high amount of alcohol by volume.
Glorious Grape,
Melon Escape,
Cherry Explosion, to name just three.
- Are you guys having flashbacks at all?
- MARGARET: Yeah.
I saw your face on a dog's butt.
(snickers)
SISTER KATHLEEN:
It only takes one mistake
to ruin what cannot be repaired.
Be that your reputation,
your family's good name or
- your most valuable gift.
- (mouthing)
- The police call this rape juice.
- (knock at door)
Brother Morgan.
Hi.
We're going to need some volunteers for...
(voice fades)
MARGARET: Glorious Grape.
You should give Brother Morgan
some rape juice.
Stop it.
Stop what?
- Stop it.
- You okay?
Stop touching my fucking neck.
- I didn't go near you, freak.
- (laughter)
Is there a problem, Miss Lang?
May I be excused?
This is God's time.
You should've gone at home.
You'll just have to hold it.
- (students murmuring)
- (Sister Kathleen gasping)
(laughter)
(urinating)
(gasping)
SISTER KATHLEEN:
I'm going to call your parents at once!
(laughter continues)
Is she okay?
She hasn't been at school,
you know, for...
It's nice of you to stop by,
but we need some family time now.
ABBY: Gretch!
MR. LANG: Gretchen,
get back in the house this instant!
Go, go, go!
Where are you going?!
(tires screech)
What's going on, Gretch?
What are you not telling me?
You can't tell anyone.
Swear.
I won't.
You know you can trust me.
(breath trembling)
Every night, he comes.
Who?
Who comes every night?
Is it... Is it someone we know?
I mean, i-if you just tell me his name,
I could take you to the police.
I can't, I can't, I can't say his name.
No, no, no.
Is it your dad?
It was that night at Margaret's.
He was in that little house in the woods.
Who was in the house?
He held me down.
And now, every night, he comes,
and he sits on my chest,
and I... and I can't move.
(crying):
And he... and he watches me
and he hurts me,
and I can't change clothes.
Abby, I can't shower.
I can't let him see my skin,
but I can feel him
watching me all the time.
But I can't give him a way in.
Do you understand?
Do you?
It's-it's every night.
What are you doing to yourself?
No.
Just.
I just want it to stop.
I'm afraid.
Of what?
What happens next.
You're gonna be okay.
I'm gonna help you, Gretchen.
You're gonna be okay.
We're gonna figure this out.
(engine starts)
ABBY:
So I have something to tell you both,
and it's, um... it's not good.
I swore I wasn't gonna tell anyone, but
Gretchen was raped.
It was at Margaret Chisholm's house
last weekend.
We... we took LSD.
I kn... I know it's wrong.
But Gretchen and I, uh, went for a walk,
and-and we got separated,
and-and I think there was
someone out there, and, uh... (sighs)
She's, uh... she's reliving the rape
every night
like-like Vietnam War vets
who have flashbacks, but...
It's all in here.
It's-it's post-traumatic stress.
You... (sighs)
Y-You... you took drugs?
At-at Larry and Dawn Chisholm's
weekend home?
(stammers)
You girls took illegal drugs?
Did you give her something today, Abby?
Someone attacked your daughter, Mr. Lang!
She got hurt.
I worried that something like this
would happen, but,
but I thought that your friendship
with Gretchen would be good for you.
I-I thought that it would lift you up!
She's-she's my best friend.
I'm just trying to help her.
Please leave.
Why is Miss Lang not telling me this?
Well, um, she doesn't want anyone to know.
But she needs help.
(sighs)
It might interest you to know
that I received a telephone call
this morning
from Grace Lang.
She told me you might try to drag
her daughter's name through the mud.
I'm sure that's not Miss Rivers'...
If I find that you have been
selling narcotics on my campus
or repeating these vile
and baseless allegations
about Miss Lang's maidenhood,
I will pull your scholarship so fast
your head will spin.
You may go.
(sighs)
(birds chirping)
(distorted laughing)
(camera clicks, whirs)
(camera clicks, whirs)
MARGARET (laughing):
Glorious Grape?
WALLACE: It's the best flavor.
ABBY:
I'm telling you, Glee, it was Wallace.
He jumped Gretchen that night.
GLEE (over phone): Oh, my God.
I mean, it's probably why
she's been acting so nuts.
But that's crazy. Why would he do that?
ABBY (over speakerphone):
It makes so much sense.
He's a total horn dog.
Everybody knows that.
And, I mean, he was with us,
but by the time Gretchen had gone missing,
he had conveniently gone home?
You've seen him, Glee.
He's a total dill weed.
And you're a backstabbing bitch.
You're just jealous I have a boyfriend,
so you want to fuck up
everything good in my life.
Margaret, that-that's not true. I-I...
MARGARET:
Never speak to me again.
- (line clicks)
- (dial tone droning)
GLEE:
You're kidding. She didn't.
MARGARET: She totally did.
GLEE: Wait, and what did he say?
MARGARET:
Well, you'll never believe me.
- (Glee laughs)
- Hey, I-I didn't... I didn't mean...
MARGARET:
Did you hear something?
No. Nada.
(Abby grunts, gasps)
No one spreads lies about me, bitch.
I wouldn't piss on that crusty cooze
if she was on fire.
(pained whimpering)
You swore you wouldn't tell.
I'm... I'm trying to help you.
(coughs)
(insects chirping)
(rock clatters)
Gretch. Gretch.
Please just talk to me.
I'm sorry, okay?
BROTHER MORGAN: Thanks for giving up
your Saturday morning, everyone.
Today's dry run will ensure
we have a great carnival this year.
The Lord and the Bulldogs thank you.
Who'll work the kissing booth?
Any volunteers?
Oh.
Sorry about last night.
Oh, Gretch. Hi.
The parental units were up
watching Mat lock.
I had to lay low.
Yeah, that's... that's okay.
Is your mouth okay?
BROTHER MORGAN: Can I get a volunteer
to test the dunking booth?
I'm sorry for acting
like such a wackadoo lately.
I've been figuring some things out.
- I totally understand.
- BROTHER MORGAN: Dunking booth.
Can anyone help out?
I mean, Gretch,
you guys are moving soon,
and with what happened at the lake...
It was Wallace Stoney, right?
In the woods?
We have to tell,
or he's gonna hurt someone else.
I mean, he hurt me, too.
- (Gretchen sighs)
- You saw it.
He's violent, and he needs to be stopped.
Gretch, did you... did you hear
what I said about Wallace?
Hey. We'll be your guinea pigs.
You sure? The water's pretty cold.
Well, someone has to.
Okay.
All right, go ahead
and cut off the faucet.
GRETCHEN: You know, uh
uh, I've been feeling pretty sick,
so I probably shouldn't get wet.
I don't want to.
Here's your chance.
For what?
Flirt with him.
I'm not actually gonna dunk you.
I don't want to get wet.
Duh.
I'll miss.
So.
How you doing this fine morning,
Brother Morgan?
It's a great day for a good cause.
Isn't it?
And Abby here is just
the most giving girl I know.
Uh
I tell you what.
Step right up, folks.
Time to dunk for the Dogs.
And let's make this interesting.
If I miss, then I have to donate
20 bucks to the Bulldogs,
but if I hit, you all have to pay.
- I'd pay to dunk that chunk.
- Me, too.
It's for charity.
Come on, people!
(crowd murmuring)
You getting up there or what, Abby-Normal?
GIRL: Yeah, I'm in for a couple.
Please just miss, okay?
You know you can trust me.
BOY: No, there's no way...
MARGARET: Do it, Abby.
GIRL: Look. She's doing it.
(laughing): Abby! Abby!
CROWD (chanting):
Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby!
(crowd gasping, cheering)
(crowd laughing, murmuring)
Here, let me help you.
GIRL: Oh, look at her makeup.
GRETCHEN:
Oh, my gosh, that was crazy.
- GIRL: Look at her!
- GRETCHEN: I-I
I can't-can't believe I hit it.
I never hit what I'm aiming at.
BROTHER MORGAN: Here, I've got a.
I'm not sure this is enough.
GRETCHEN: Aw.
Thanks, Brother M.
You're so sweet.
No wonder Abby thinks of you
while she rubs her nub.
(crowd gasping)
(crowd laughing, murmuring)
(Margaret chuckles)
(Gretchen laughing)
(sighs)
(laughing)
(door opens)
(sniffles)
(laughs) There you are.
(laughing):
Oh, my gosh, that was so funny.
Funny?
You thought that was funny?
Oh, quit being such a drama queen.
You know what, Gretchen? Fuck you.
Whoa.
- Potty mouth.
- You know exactly what you did.
And you know exactly why it matters.
We're over.
Get away from me.
GRETCHEN (distorted):
She hates you.
(stall door closes, locks)
GRETCHEN:
I'm sorry for what I did.
(distorted): Everyone hates you.
But it wasn't my fault.
Oh, yeah,
'cause nothing is ever your fault.
I'm sick of it.
GRETCHEN (distorted):
She'll never speak to you again.
Please don't leave me alone.
I'm sick of you talking crazy
and blaming all your bull crap
on everybody else!
It wasn't your parents who just dunked me.
It wasn't Wallace or Margaret
who just ruined my makeup
and told Brother Morgan
that I think about him when...
That was one time,
and I should have never told you!
I was the one person
who was trying to help you.
- Goodbye, Gretchen.
- GRETCHEN (distorted): Loser.
Rot in your crazy, for all I care.
GRETCHEN (distorted, echoing):
You're all alone.
(sobbing)
(grunting, panting)
(whimpering)
(sobbing)
(insects chirping)
(house alarm blaring)
(groans)
Can you turn that off?
What set it off?
I don't know.
(gasping)
(straining)
Six, six, five, seven. Right?
(straining)
(gasping)
(squealing)
(alarm continues loudly)
(screaming)
(alarm stops)
GRETCHEN (distorted): Mine.
(both sigh heavily)
- Jesus Christ.
- Honey!
(knock at door)
Gretch?
(sighs)
You okay, sweetie?
Sorry about the alarm.
Not sure what that was.
GRETCHEN: I'm fine.
Okay.
Night.
(writing)
Don't stay up too late.
("One Way or Another" by Blondie playing)
(door opens)
One way or another
I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya,
get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya,
get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya,
meet ya, meet ya, meet ya
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meet ya,
I'm gonna meet ya...
You're looking better.
What do you care?
Okay, folks. Today's the day
you've all been waiting for.
All I did was care.
BROTHER MORGAN: Everyone,
make sure you got your goggles...
If you cared, you would've stood by me.
BROTHER MORGAN: It's my favorite date
on the science calendar.
Now it's too late.
Fetal pig dissection day.
Follow along as I make the first cut.
What do you mean?
Too late for what?
BROTHER MORGAN: Let's start
with an incision at the sternum.
(pig squealing)
(screams) Mine's alive!
It... it moved.
(laughter)
The slip, a slip of the hip
Or another, I'm gonna lose ya
I'll trick ya, I'll trick ya
One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya,
trick ya, trick ya, trick ya...
- (laughter)
- (song fades)
Oh, you guys, check out this note
that someone left in my locker.
"My blood runs hot when you are near.
I may act cold, but that's just fear."
Ooh.
Glee's got a secret admirer.
Maybe it's forbidden love.
Oh. Hey, Wally.
Could you give me a ride
to school tomorrow?
My parents don't want me riding
in Abby's death trap anymore.
I just
feel so safe in your Beemer.
I can give you a ride anytime.
(chuckling): Wallace.
Oh, damn, G-Meister.
What do you weigh, like 90?
I could put you on my jock
and spin you like a fucking top.
(laughing): My gosh.
- Don't be disgusting.
- Yeah.
Don't be disgusting.
- She fell on me.
- Serious?
What's that nastiness?
It's a diet shake from France.
They give you, like, no appetite.
The FDA totally won't approve it,
but I steal them from my mom.
Diet shake?
Can I try?
Mm. Vanilla.
It's not totally rank.
Do you have more?
Duh. Cases.
You can finish that.
Thanks.
(insects chirping)
(groans softly, sniffs)
(breathing heavily)
(pig snorting quietly)
(grunts, coughs)
(panting)
(pig continues snorting quietly)
(pig squealing)
(gasps, screams)
Abby, what's going on?
(breathing heavily)
It was just a bad dream.
Ugh. You scared the shit out of me.
(door closes)
(Gretchen snorts like pig)
(laughing)
So, are Gretchen and Wallace,
like, a-a thing now?
Whatever. I don't care.
I know we're not, like, awesome,
but, uh.
I still care about you as a friend.
(chuckles) Gay.
Do you think you're taking
the milkshake thing too far?
Sit and spin, Abby.
I'm finally losing weight
for the first time in my life.
I hate to admit it, but Abby's right.
Margaret's crying out for attention.
Maybe if she knew
that she was truly loved,
she'd stop starving herself, you know?
If she did leave you that note,
it's a shame she couldn't say it herself.
Sad.
GLEE:
You don't need to lose weight.
I think you're beautiful at any size.
Glee, chill.
I just can't stand to watch you
hurting yourself.
I love you.
And I know that you love me, too.
Yeah. Like a friend.
Come on, Margaret. Last summer, and now
the note.
(chuckles)
You think that was from me?
(Margaret laughing)
I'm not a dyke. (Laughs)
But I guess now we know you are.
(Margaret continues laughing)
(coughing)
(breathing heavily)
(sobbing)
Are you okay?
Brought you a cheer-me-up brownie.
Thanks.
I know what it's like.
Hiding what's really going on inside.
Worrying about what people might think.
But I'm here.
Okay?
I'm gonna help.
(Glee sniffles)
(coughs)
Where-where'd you get this brownie?
I brought it from home.
It was left over in my-my lunch. Why?
Were there any nuts in it?
I don't know.
(coughing)
(gasping): I... need my...
Huh?
GRETCHEN: Oh. Your EpiPen?
(Glee gasping)
Glee?
Let's play a little game.
(gasping): What?
(coughs)
It's... it's in here somewhere.
Gretchen, please.
Cold.
Colder.
Glee! Glee!
(wheezing, coughing)
Get up, lesbo.
You're cold as fuck!
(whimpering): Help me, God.
Oh, you want God's help now?
God hates gays. Don't you know that?
- Glee!
- (siren blaring)
- GRETCHEN: She just crawled out of the bathroom.
- ABBY: Glee! Glee!
- BOY: The paramedics are here.
- Nuts. She-she must have eaten nuts.
(weak, shallow breathing)
GIRL: Is she breathing?
Margaret?
Abby?
Is Glee gonna be okay?
I think so.
She's, um, critical but stable.
It's all my fault.
I shouldn't have laughed.
It isn't funny.
God, I'm such a bitch.
It's not all your fault.
I mean, I think Gretchen wrote
that love letter, and
I think she's trying to get you
to starve yourself to death.
(bag unzips)
Uh, I brought Frusen Gldj.
And spoons.
No more diet shakes.
I haven't even had one since Thursday.
I'm just not hungry.
My parents
they think I'm doing it
to get attention, but,
but I can't even think about food
without wanting to gag.
It's a mental thing.
Like mind control that just takes over.
You can beat it.
Just-just try a tiny bite.
Okay?
Let me just... smell it first.
(gagging)
I-I told you I can't eat. (Coughs)
Move it.
The-the smell. (Gags)
You okay?
I'm not anorexic, Abby.
I-I just can't eat.
It's like someone poisoned me.
Ow. My stomach.
It-it hurts.
Uh...
(stomach gurgling)
ABBY: Is your stomach okay?
(choking)
Oh, my God. Margaret!
(dog barks)
- (barking)
- (gasps)
(gasps)
ABBY: Someone, help! Help!
ABBY: Taenia saginata.
It's not French. They're tapeworm eggs.
Oh, my God.
The doctor said people drink these
to lose weight, but
you're only supposed to have
like half a packet.
Anything more is really dangerous.
Is she gonna be okay?
They're still pulling them out.
"Them"?
The first one was 11 feet long.
You've got to stop her.
- (quiet chatter)
- (smooth jazz music playing)
- Hey.
- Jesus!
Uh, uh, you're the...
you're the Lemon Brothers, right?
Uh, y-you played my school a couple
weeks ago... Aberdale Academy.
Yeah, we play a lot of high schools.
Um, you saw this girl in the crowd,
and you looked like you'd seen a ghost.
Well, not a ghost exactly.
Hey. What's the holdup?
I have the gift of discernment, all right?
That chick a friend of yours?
You've got the gift of walking home
if you're not in the van in five.
Wait, wh-what... I mean, what do I do?
How do I make it stop?
(sighs)
Do you like yogurt?
(Christian slurping)
(grunts, chuckles)
Uh, so, um...
CHRISTIAN: Mm. (Clears throat)
Mm. (Grunts)
Mm. (Slurps)
Mm, this is good.
(sighs)
Okay. (Clears throat) Now...
Your friend, did she get sick?
Real sick, like, physically?
She get all grotesque and gnarly?
- Uh-huh.
- Mm, uh-huh.
She say depressing things? Hmm?
She maybe try and hurt herself?
But then she got better, right?
Better than before.
She looks copacetic, but up here,
she's freaking cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Am I right?
Uh, I-I guess that's one way to put it.
Mm-hmm. She been committing sins?
Huh? Grouchy?
PMS-ing all the time?
Sorry, do you know what that means?
I'm 16.
Oh, rad. Sorry.
Um, but, uh, yes, yes and-and yes.
Okay.
Did her eyes turn black like a shark's?
Her eyes seemed fine.
Right on.
Well... (clears throat)
even without the eyes,
dollars to doughnuts,
it's demonic possession.
- (inhales deeply, exhales)
- Don't stress.
It's actually a lot more common
than people think.
- It is?
- (chuckles) If I'm lying, I'm dying.
No, but we play a lot of high schools,
and, uh, I'd say there's
just about one in every class.
A missive of Satan
has taken her as his host.
Okay, he's in control now,
and if no one stops him,
your friend will be gone for good.
(lips smacking)
Well, she's hurting all of her friends.
Our friends.
Yeah, well, the demon's trying to isolate
her so he can take full possession.
Sounds like you're
the last line of defense.
It's only a matter of time
before they come for you, too.
So, what do I do?
She needs an exorcism.
Okay, so, um... so you mean, like, uh...
Yeah. What-what do you mean?
I mean there's, like, a demon inside her
and he needs to be taken out.
Uh-huh.
Um, have you... have you done
one of those before?
Yeah. No.
Well, not personally, but, um,
my brothers have lots of times,
and I was there, so...
So, uh... so maybe I should talk to them.
Wait, I-look, look, listen.
I-I've got the sight, too, okay?
I'm ready.
(clears throat)
Look, uh
when I was seven,
our mom died in a car crash.
I knew before everybody else,
'cause I saw her.
She came to me...
You know, not my brothers; Me...
And she told me she was okay
and that she loved us
and that she would see us,
you know, on the other side.
So you'll do it?
(clicks tongue, sighs)
Look, I've seen the demon
inside your friend.
I mean, this is not gonna be
your run-of-the-mill puke and rebuke.
So... you got to help me save her.
Please?
I can get you, like,
ten yogurt punch cards.
We need somewhere quiet, all right?
Private, preferably remote.
It can get really noisy.
No hotels. Guests get the wrong idea.
- You know anywhere like that?
- I think so.
Uh, how-how long do we have?
Could be days, could be hours.
- What?
- Got to be tonight.
She's never gonna go. Not voluntarily.
(chuckles)
That's why we're not
gonna give her a choice.
Up top.
You can do it.
All right, Gabby.
- It's Abby.
- Really?
With an "A." Yeah.
Okay.
CHRISTIAN: First things first,
we got to get her alone.
ABBY: No problem.
Gretchen's parents will be at vespers,
- so that's taken care of.
- CHRISTIAN: Great.
Then we just need to give her
a little extra something in her drink.
Huh? Here, take this.
ABBY:
Got it. I know just where to put it.
- CHRISTIAN: Perfect. Up top.
- ABBY: Really?
- CHRISTIAN: Come on, up top.
- (Abby sighs)
- (door creaks open)
- (gasps softly)
Shit. Shit.
- (rattling)
- (gasps)
GRETCHEN: Hello?
- (doorknob rattling)
- (Abby muttering softly)
Come on, come on. Open, open.
Oh, please, come on. Open.
- ("Little Boxes" by Pete Seeger playing)
- (Abby grunting)
(Abby whimpers, gasps)
You really are obsessed with me,
aren't you?
(singing along):
And they all got put in boxes
Little boxes all the same.
Gretchen.
Please.
"Gretchen, please."
You're the one who broke into
my fucking house.
I know who you are.
I know what you're doing to my friend.
(gasps)
(distorted):
You don't know shit, you stupid girl.
(yelps)
(chuckles)
(gasping)
(giggles)
- (Gretchen grunts)
- (Abby groans, coughs)
Whew.
Thirsty work.
And drink their martini dry,
and they all have pretty children
(sighs)
And the children go to school
Now...
And the children go to summer camp
Oh.
And then to the university...
You bitch.
And they all come out the same.
ABBY:
You sure you know what you're doing?
CHRISTIAN: Oh. (Scoffs)
T-Totally. (Clears throat)
(Gretchen breathing slowly)
ABBY: What was in that?
- She dropped like a rock.
- GHB.
Yeah, weight lifters use it all the time,
but take too much, it really
really knocks you on your ass.
Well...
All right. (Grunting)
Whoa. Heavy. (Chuckles)
Got to be the demon. Whew.
'Cause I could pick up
a 17-year-old, no problem.
- (owls hooting)
- (glass breaks)
ABBY:
Shit, dude. Keys are under the mat.
CHRISTIAN: Oh, rad. Sorry.
(grunting)
(panting)
Classy place.
Promise she won't get hurt?
It's up to her.
(Christian sighs)
This is so exciting!
If Mama could just see me now.
We're tying up a teenage girl
We're gonna do an exorcism.
I'll be back.
(sighs) Perimeter secure.
Hey, have there been
a lot of owls around here lately?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, they sense their master's near.
Look, I'm gonna get the demon
to reveal himself.
Okay, but it might take
a little bit of time,
so I just need you to trust me, check?
Check?
- Check.
- Okay.
Uh... Oh, and when he does...
And this is critical, okay?
Do not engage with the demon.
D-Do not speak to the demon.
Do not acknowledge the demon in any way.
You got that?
Got it.
'Cause he's all that is evil,
and he can only be defeated by
all that is good.
Um, you got to walk into the arena
of diabolic battle
armed with nothing but love, faith
and the power of Jesus Christ.
You're baptized, right?
I'm Jewish.
GRETCHEN: Abby!
Abby, are you here?
Why am I tied up?
CHRISTIAN: Oh, right.
First place they go for.
(grunting)
Saint Michael the Archangel...
- What the hell? This isn't funny!
- Defend us in battle.
Be our protection against
the wickedness and snares of the devil.
- May God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
- Who's this weirdo?
(inhales deeply, whispers):
Our Father, who art in heaven...
Hello, Abby!
Is this some kind of joke?
Forever and ever, amen.
(inhales deeply)
You're scaring me.
(clears throat)
I command you, unclean spirit,
along with all your minions...
If we leave right now,
I won't tell anyone this happened.
I command you, unclean spirit,
tell me your name!
Abby, seriously,
do you know how much trouble
you're gonna be in for this?
With the power of
my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
I command you to tell me your name, demon!
(laughing)
GRETCHEN: Wait, wait, wait.
Holy balls.
I just realized what you guys are doing.
(singsongy):
You think I'm possessed.
(chuckles)
I command you, unclean spirit,
tell me your name.
Mr. Fart Face. That's my name.
Demon, I command you,
unclean spirit, tell me...
- Andras.
- What?
Andras.
Its name's Andras.
(giggling)
GRETCHEN: Hey! Let me go!
What'd I tell you?
What's the one thing I told you not to do?
She was lying to us.
- I said do not talk to the demon.
- I didn't talk to the demon.
You said his name.
I mean, where'd you hear that name?
It was in her Trapper Keeper.
Are you sure that was the name?
Yeah.
Is that, like, a really bad one?
(chuckles softly)
(hushed): Shit!
It's critical that I show this demon
who's top dog.
By getting it to reveal its name, okay,
I bend it toward my will.
It's called harnessing the demon,
and, um
it's extremely important.
Okay?
Sorry.
Everything Copacabana between you two?
Wouldn't want to ruin
your hot exorcism date.
In the name of Jesus, I remove you!
- What the... Are you kidding me right now?
- Spirt of discord and disharmony,
I send you to the cross!
(screams)
Motherfucker, that hurt!
(screaming)
- Stop! Abby, stop him!
- Wait.
Stop. I-I think you're hurting her.
It is right to mortify the flesh
of the demoniac to draw out the demon.
- (grunts)
- (screaming, panting)
This is kidnapping and torture!
- This is some America's Most Wanted shit!
- (grunts)
- (screams) Stop!
- Tell me your name, demon.
- Stop it!
- Truth to God, tell me your name!
(screams)
Be right back. I'm empty.
(Gretchen gasping)
Abby, Abby, Abby.
Abby. (Shudders)
Abby, I'm sorry, okay?
The acid really messed me up for a while,
and I was... I was sick of Margaret
bossing everyone around.
Weren't you? But clearly I went too far,
'cause now you think I'm possessed,
which is beyond insane.
I'm really scared here.
At least clean off my face.
The salt stings.
Please, if you were ever my friend,
please just clean off my face.
Please. My eyes hurt so bad.
Please?
- Get back!
- I... I can't do this.
We've barely gotten started.
- Tempt me not with vain things!
- I-I really
(screaming, sobbing)
I really don't think...
- (Christian grunting)
- ABBY: You're hurting her!
Tell me your name, unholy one!
- Truth to God, tell me your name!
- (screaming)
ABBY: Stop! Stop it!
Stop it! Stop!
- (Christian grunting)
- (Gretchen screaming)
(rumbling)
(Gretchen screaming, distorted)
- (glass shattering)
- (distorted screaming continues)
(screaming stops)
Holy shit!
(whispers): Andras.
Its name is Andras.
(screams) Abby, get it out of me, please!
(demonic voice): No crying, pig.
(screaming resumes)
GRETCHEN:
Please help me! (Screams)
Hot damn! We got ourselves a demon.
- GRETCHEN: Please help.
- (Christian whoops)
- I got to go protein-load.
- Hmm?
(laughing)
(panting)
- (Christian chuckling excitedly)
- (Gretchen laughing)
Okay, so Andras is the 63rd entity
in The Lesser Key of Solomon,
grand marquis of hell
and the commander of 30 legions of demons.
Pass me the Gatorade.
GRETCHEN:
Guys, don't leave me in here with him!
- So...
- GRETCHEN: Help me.
Please help. Get him out of me!
An exorcism is a plundering
of the soul, right? Not just, uh...
- Gretchen's?
- Yeah, Gretchen's.
- But mine, too. You know, it's a test.
- And mine, too?
Uh, yeah, maybe.
Anyway, it's a test, right?
You got to be willing to strip away
all the outer stuff...
You know, the personal safety,
the conventional morality...
Till there's nothing left but the truth,
even if it's just a tiny little nugget.
- You know, like a, like a pebble of truth.
- GRETCHEN: Abby, please.
A truth pebble can shake
the Walls of Jericho.
- GRETCHEN: Help me.
- You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I-I'll do whatever.
I just want my friend back.
(sighs) All right.
Come on.
Let's go send this demon back to hell.
Hi.
Thirsty?
Yeah.
It's okay.
Holy water!
- I drown you in God's holy love.
- (coughs) No, no, no, no, no!
(Gretchen whimpering)
- Gut, head, heart, groin.
- No!
Face me, liar! Don't you hide!
Gut, head, heart, groin.
- Gut, head, heart, groin.
- Get it out!
It's going deeper. (Whimpers)
Oh, it hurts!
Grab her legs.
- No! No! No! No! (Screams)
- Take it. Take it.
I take up the sword of God.
- Spirit, I pierce you.
- (Gretchen gagging)
Driving away your lies.
(Christian groans)
(Gretchen moaning)
(gags, gasps)
(spitting, coughing)
(gasping)
Fill the tub.
What? Why?
Full-immersion baptism.
The more we mortify the flesh,
the harder it is for the demon to hide.
No, that's-that's too much.
We must divorce the demon
from its human host.
Only then can we vanquish him
and send him back to the hell
from whence he came!
I'm not drowning her.
- (whimpering)
- (exhales sharply)
(Christian grunts in frustration)
Let him do it, please!
No. He's hurting you.
Andras showed me what I did.
To you, to Margaret, to Glee.
That wasn't you.
(teakettle whistling)
We're going to DEFCON 2.
- (demonic voice): I dare you.
- CHRISTIAN: Feel the word of God.
- No, no. Stop!
- Yes!
- Let me do it!
- Get it out!
It's hot, it's hot, it's hot.
- Watch out. No.
- GRETCHEN: No!
(both panting)
I'm sorry. I lost control there.
You were right to intervene.
We're so close.
WOMAN: Christian.
Christian.
Is that my baby boy?
Mom?
I missed you so much, jelly bean.
This isn't real.
I know this isn't real.
It's her, though.
I'm so proud of you.
- (chuckles)
- (woman laughs)
I told you I was okay, remember?
After the accident.
But I wasn't.
I was pinned in that car for 15 minutes.
I was still alive when it caught fire.
You should've come to help me, Christian.
(whimpering):
Help me, Christian.
Help me, Christian.
(voice distorting):
Help me, Christian. Help me, Christian.
Help me, Christian!
(screaming)
No, wait.
Y-You're not just leaving me, right?
(stammering):
I got him to show himself, you know?
- That's, like, the hardest part, right?
- Oh. You can't.
I mean, this was your idea.
I-I can't do this on my own.
Hey, you got this.
You protein-loaded.
Let me know how it goes.
You have my number?
GRETCHEN: Bye-bye, Mr. Exorcist.
(distorted):
It's just us now, Abby.
Face it.
You can't save her.
You should go.
(demonic voice): It's over.
(electrical buzzing)
GRETCHEN (distorted):
Scared of the dark?
You shouldn't have stayed, Abby.
- This will end badly for you.
- Gretchen?
(footsteps scurrying)
(Gretchen chuckles)
(Gretchen laughs)
(distorted laughing)
(gasps)
GRETCHEN (distorted):
You're disgusting.
You grease-faced freak.
Stop it!
Who will you be now that Gretchen is gone?
You're nothing without her.
You're invisible.
- (chuckles)
- (gasps)
- (growls)
- (grunts)
(yells)
You saved yourself and left your friend,
and now you're gonna die!
- (grunting fiercely)
- (gasping, whimpering)
(demonic laughing)
(grunts)
(panting)
I know who you are, Andras.
(distorted):
And you are just a weak little girl.
Maybe, but I'm not gonna give up.
'Cause I want my best friend back,
you piece of shit!
She was never your friend.
She kept you around
'cause she felt sorry for you.
Be my protection against
the wickedness and snares of the devil.
Seriously?
We're still doing this?
- Hallowed be thy name.
- It won't work.
You're a weak, fat fucking loser,
and you always will be.
(yells)
(demonic gasping)
(demonic shrieking)
(owls hooting)
Oh, man.
(wheezing softly)
Gretch.
(weakly):
Just let him take me, Abby.
You should go.
I'm not going anywhere.
The power of Boy George compels you.
(gasping, coughing)
The power of spring break '82 in Tampa
when we got sunburns
and virgin pia coladas
compels you.
Abby! Abby, help!
The power of The Thorn Birds and E.T.
and-and the power of cookies and cream
frozen yogurt compels you.
(gasping)
The power of Tiffany and-and the power
of our photo booth pictures
from Walt's and Sons Drugstore
compels to you.
He won't stop until you stop, Abby.
I love you, Gretchen Lang.
And no demon will ever change that.
(gasping weakly)
(gasping)
Gretch?
(gasping)
- Hey.
- (panting, sobbing)
Gretchen?
Jesus. Is that what was inside of me?
Abby, don't let him take me again.
- I won't.
- (Andras hisses)
- Over here, Andras.
- (hisses)
That's right, come to me.
- (snarls)
- (Abby yelps)
(whimpers, gasps)
(growling)
- (squishing thud)
- (screeches)
- (yelps, grunts)
- ABBY: No!
Mine!
- Leave her alone.
- (choking)
Mine!
Andras, take me.
She's finished. Take me.
Now, Gretchen!
(grunts)
180 proof.
Easy to get yourself into a bad situation.
Or out of one.
(snarling)
GRETCHEN: Do it.
(screeching)
(screeching stops)
GRETCHEN (crying): You did it.
I love you, Abby.
ABBY: I love you, too.
Gretchen, we leave in ten.
Hi.
ABBY:
I can't believe this is goodbye.
Really?
It's a new start for both of us.
I can't believe
I actually said that out loud.
Promised I wouldn't.
Me, neither.
Oh.
For your new room.
(chuckles)
Thanks.
I know he's gone.
I saw it with my own eyes.
But how do we know he's gonna stay gone?
We don't.
But you finished it.
Total demon slayer.
I'm never gonna forget you.
I'm not gonna let you.
I'll call.
LYLAS?
LYLAS.
(sniffles)
(sobs)
(car door closes)
(engine starts)
("Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club
playing)
(bird screeching)
Desert loving in your eyes all the way
If I listened to your lies,
would you say
I'm a man without conviction
I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go, you come and go
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy
if your colors were like my dreams
Red, gold and green,
red, gold and green
Didn't hear your wicked words
every day
And you used to be so sweet,
I heard you say
That my love was an addiction
When we cling, our love is strong
When you go, you're gone forever
You string along, you string along
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy
if your colors were like my dreams
Red, gold and green,
red, gold and green
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy
if your colors were like my dreams
Red, gold and green,
red, gold and green
(fading): Karma, karma, karma,
karma, karma chameleon.
(music fades)
("Take On Me" by a-ha playing)
- (phone ringing)
- (owl hoots)
- ABBY: Hey, Gretchen.
- GRETCHEN: Abby, I want details.
I need to know what
Brother Morgan was doing to you.
ABBY (sighs):
It was a dream, and it was one time,
and I don't even remember.
GRETCHEN:
Yes, you do. Where did he put his tongue?
In the most unholiest of places?
ABBY (over phone):
Ew. Stop. Go back to your quiz.
GRETCHEN:
Fine. Hey, this one's written for us.
"Your best friend is leaving town, but
you still have her favorite dress on loan.
("Do you A) not mention it
and hope she won't notice,
(or B) give it back to her?"
"A." Duh.
- Hey!
- Swear my zits breed overnight.
GRETCHEN:
At least your mom lets you wear makeup.
ABBY:
I can't believe you're moving this summer.
GRETCHEN:
It's gonna be fine, Abbs.
We're always gonna be friends.
ABBY:
I'm never gonna say goodbye.
You know that.
GRETCHEN:
You've got Glee and Margaret.
ABBY:
Margaret's such a dick around Wallace.
GRETCHEN: Oh, she's okay.
ABBY:
Should we just get emancipated now
so you can marry Boy George
and I can live in the guesthouse?
(scoffs) Get serious.
You'd obviously live
in the main house with me.
- Pick you up in ten?
- Love you like a sister.
- LYLAS.
- LYLAS.
I'll be coming for your love, okay?
- Take on me
- Take on me
Take me on
Take on me
I'll be gone
- In a day or two...
- (snoring)
MAN (on tape):
With the power of God,
I will become
the greatest real estate agent.
I have a positive mindset.
I know how to get the deal done.
- (woman clears throat)
- I have everything I need
for a prosperous and fulfilling life
right here inside of me.
Oh, the things that you say
Yeah, is it life or...
MAN (on tape):
I can do all things through him,
the Almighty, who gives me strength.
Positive thinking will allow success.
The Lord is always with me.
That is the end of tape three,
"Power Realtors."
- (sighs)
- (car horn honks)
- Take on me
- Take on me
Take me on
Take on me
- I'll be gone...
- (song stops abruptly)
- (school bell rings)
- (students chattering)
You guys are so queer.
Don't be jealous, Margaret,
just 'cause you want my bod.
- (Margaret scoffs, chuckles)
- Ew. Gross, Gretchen.
There's nothing gross about
the sapphic pleasures, Glee.
Just ask Sister Kathleen.
(laughter)
ALL:
Good morning, Sister Kathleen.
- Good morning.
- (girls laughing)
"Your bestie starts spending
all her time with a guy you don't like.
("Do you A) tell her how you feel
but decide to trust her judgment,
(or B) sabotage the relationship?"
- Hey, fuck bae.
- Hey, Wally.
ALL: "B."
This quiz is supposed to be
about friendship.
Why are all the questions about guys?
Because, as women,
we only exist in relation to men.
Hello.
That's such bullshit.
We have got to defy and deny that.
It's gonna be hot this weekend.
Should we do something?
Who is feeling good about Jesus?
I know you are!
With Jesus at your side and a full set
of dumbbells, anything is possible!
Hey, Dad, can I go to Margaret's
lake house this weekend?
- What's that gonna cost?
- Just gas.
I'll use my yogurt money.
Will Gretchen Lang be there?
Yeah. So?
Just think you could stand
to think for yourself
a little more where Gretchen's concerned.
MAN (on TV):
This Saturday at 4:30 p.m.
- Where you going?
- ABBY: Gretchen's.
Her mom's hamburgers don't need any help.
(sighs)
(eerie music playing on TV)
This is like the 12th time
we've rented this tape.
The guy at Movie Mania asked
if I was a satanist.
Be kind, please rewind,
or I'll drink your blood.
(both laughing)
GRETCHEN: I'm ranking
Wallace Stoney as the horniest.
Did you see,
he has, like, beard hairs now?
(snickers) Yeah, all five of 'em.
(laughter)
Do I... think for myself?
You don't always say
what you're thinking, but I know.
Like right now you're thinking that
you want to pork Brother Morgan.
(chuckling): Oh, my God.
Oh, Meggie, you make me want
to renounce my celibacy.
- But, Ralph, you love God.
- (gasps)
Not more than I love you.
(both smooch, chuckle)
MR. LANG (in hallway):
We're not gonna be late.
I just want the girls to know
we're heading out.
- (gasps) Yes!
- (door opens)
(knocks)
We are off to vespers.
Abby, would you be a dear
and wash your feet
before you put them up on the furniture?
Thanks.
- Be good.
- And no soda before bed.
(whispering): Bang. Bang.
GRETCHEN:
Woo-hoo! Thank God it's the weekend.
(bird screeching)
("I Think We're Alone Now" by Tiffany
playing over stereo)
"Children, behave"
That's what they say...
Ugh. Why can't my parents
join a Kool-Aid cult and die already?
At least you're pretty.
Patty Hearst is pretty,
and look what happened to her.
What's over there?
This weird little building
where that girl, Molly Ravenel,
was sacrificed in a satanic ritual.
That's an urban legend.
Place is totally rancid,
but it's, like,
a historical landmark or something.
They can't tear it down.
I think we're alone now...
It's getting late. We should head inside.
Yeah, let's.
(singing along):
I think we're alone now
The beating of our hearts
is the only sound.
(mimicking rhythmic drumbeat)
(laughing)
(birds cawing)
MARGARET: I'd do the pizza guy.
ABBY: All that hair? Gross.
Abby, Twizzler time.
("Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell
playing over stereo)
- MARGARET: Can I have one?
- Uh...
(laughter)
- Cold. Colder.
- I'll make you pee.
(squeals, laughs)
Ugh. Hey, do your parents get cable here?
- I'm bored.
- Only boring people get bored.
You guys want to talk to some ghosts?
(others groaning)
ABBY: Ouija boards freak me out.
MARGARET: Come on, it'll be fun.
Surely, you can't be serious.
I am serious.
ALL:
"And don't call me Shirley." (laughter)
Ooh, we could ask it if Brother Morgan
- will ever do it with Abby.
- MARGARET: Ooh.
Come on, guys.
Don't you want to know
what really happened to Molly Ravenel?
No.
MARGARET: Well, I do.
Put your hands on it, and don't move it.
People call me on the phone
I'm trying to avoid
But can the people on TV see me...
ABBY: Fine.
Okay, we're gonna start
with a yes-or-no question.
Is anyone here?
'Cause I might open my eyes
and find someone standing there...
- You're moving it.
- Shh!
No, I'm not.
The board says yes.
Oh, my God.
Tell us your name.
GLEE: "No."
So who's here?
(electrical buzzing)
What do you want?
"M."
"I."
"N."
"Min," "min." "Mini"?
It's the ghost of Minnie Mouse.
- (laughter)
- (loud thud)
(gasping)
What was that?
How should I know?
Well, go look.
- Why me?
- It's your house.
I have a boyfriend.
- (scoffs)
- I have people who would miss me.
Wallace Stoney hardly qualifies
as a reason to live.
(chuckles)
Yeah, more like a reason to vaccinate.
(laughter)
Well, look who suddenly decided
to grow a pair.
I have a... pair.
Great. Then you won't mind
checking the closet.
(sighs) Fine.
- (thudding)
- (gasping)
- (thudding)
- (gasping)
(door creaks)
- (screams)
- (gasps)
(chuckling)
- (growls)
- (screaming)
Boo.
Oh, my God. You should've seen your faces.
Abby was soiling her Sergio Valentes.
(laughs)
Ew, gross. Really?
- No, not really.
- Really?
(laughter)
- Did I scare you? Did I scare you?
- (groans) Get out.
(laughter continues)
Harvey Wallbangers,
or as I call them, Harvey Will-Bang-Hers.
What are you even doing here, Wallace?
This was supposed to be
a girls' bonding weekend.
Go ahead and bond.
- I'll watch.
- GIRLS: Ew.
- What? Hey.
- Gross.
It's not just me. I brought a cute friend.
Who?
(hooting)
Mr. Owl.
(Wallace grunts)
(chuckling): No way.
Is that...
Uh, who wants to get high off their ass?
Righteous.
I don't know, you guys.
That stuff can melt your brain.
I don't want to end up
like Syd Barrett from Pink Floyd.
ABBY:
Yeah, isn't that the guy who thought
he was an orange and peeled himself?
Just say no, ladies.
No. No.
(sighs)
No.
- Yes. Yes.
- (chuckles)
- MARGARET (laughing): No.
- (Wallace grunting)
(belches)
Ew.
(laughing): Glorious Grape?
It's the best flavor.
(sighs, whoops)
Panties off. Time to skinny-dip.
Last one in's a spaz.
(Wallace and Margaret laugh)
(Glee whimpers)
Hey.
We do it together.
Anyone Syd-Barretts, we promise
to visit them at Southern Pines.
If I start wigging out,
you promise not to ditch me?
LYLAS?
LYLAS.
(both chuckle softly)
WALLACE: If you see a python
under the water, it's just me, ladies.
MARGARET (laughing):
You're an idiot.
GLEE: Are we gonna start tripping soon?
Oh, wait.
I'm seeing tracers.
No, you're not.
Are you?
(both laughing)
(water sloshing)
(Margaret and Wallace continue laughing)
GRETCHEN:
It's been over an hour, Wallace.
You boned us.
Well, it just takes a while to kick in.
What's up, Abby-Normal?
You scared to get nurky?
I just don't want to mess up my hair.
Would you stop worrying about your makeup?
No one cares that you have
a face full of zits.
- Margaret!
- What?
(Wallace laughing)
(Margaret chuckling)
MARGARET: Abby, I'm sorry.
GLEE: Why would you be so mean?
GRETCHEN: Abby, wait up.
I can't stand Margaret sometimes.
And Glee is like a little puppy dog.
She's so into her.
Margaret never thinks before she speaks.
Zits go away eventually.
She's right.
My face looks like a grease pizza.
- I'm hideous.
- (scoffs)
Take that back.
Why? It's true.
Abby, you're beautiful.
(scoffs softly)
No, I'm serious.
You've got these incredible eyes.
Oh, and you have the best smile.
(chuckles)
And one day, your skin's gonna clear up.
And then everyone will see
what I already know.
That Abby Rivers is a stone fox.
(laughing)
(owl hooting)
Come on.
I want to see something.
Hey, Mr. Owl.
Abby, look.
(chuckles)
- I knew it was back here.
- (electrical buzzing)
Okay. We've seen it.
Let's go in.
Seriously?
We love scary things.
Come on, Abbs. I'm gone soon.
One more adventure?
I-de-guy lo-de-guv you-de-goo?
I-de-guy lo-de-guv you-de-goo, too-de-goo.
(chuckles)
Margaret and Glee will never believe this.
Uh, you sure about this?
It's like it's bigger on the inside.
(laughs)
ABBY: We should go back.
GRETCHEN: It's so dark.
(laughs)
Oh, trippy.
Watch this.
ABBY: How are you doing that?
- (Gretchen laughs)
- (chittering)
- (footsteps scurrying)
- (gasps)
What was that?
I thought acid was just
supposed to make you see stuff.
Does it make you hear stuff, too?
We both heard it.
Right.
(takes deep breath)
(footsteps scurrying)
It's probably just Margaret
trying to freak us out again.
ABBY: Mm.
Come on.
Let's hide and scare her. (Chuckles)
(shuddering breath)
ABBY: Geez. It's freezing.
Smells like something died in here.
ABBY: What's that over there?
GRETCHEN: I don't know.
(gasping, shuddering)
You saw that, right?
Mm-hmm.
Who's there?
(hissing)
Run!
(grunts)
Oh, my knee.
(pained whimpering)
Abby! (Panting)
Where'd you go?
Please come back.
ABBY (distorted):
Gretchen, this way!
GRETCHEN:
Abby, how do I get out of here?
(panting)
- (distorted): Keep going, Abby.
- (coughs)
I'm right behind you.
I'm right behind you.
(gasping breaths)
(owl hooting)
GRETCHEN: I'm right here, Abby.
- Gretchen!
- I'm right here, Abby.
I'm right behind you.
ABBY: Gretchen, come on!
- Let's go!
- Abby, I don't see you.
Gretchen!
(distorted): Hurry! This way!
Where are you? I can't see you.
GRETCHEN: I'm right here, Abby.
ABBY: The door's down here.
Gretchen!
(gasps, groans)
Abby?
DEMONIC VOICE: Mine.
(Gretchen screams in distance)
(coughing)
- (owl hooting)
- (gasping breaths)
(coughing)
(panting, whimpering)
MARGARET: Abby? Gretchen?
Over here!
MARGARET: Abby, is that you?
(coughing)
There was something in the weird house,
and it was chasing us, and I ran.
Where's Gretchen?
I thought...
I thought she was right behind me.
No, I-I don't know.
She's gone. She's not there.
Um, where's Wallace?
He went home.
Well, we have to go back for her.
Gretchen!
Gretch!
- Gretchen!
- Gretch!
Gretchen!
This way.
MARGARET:
I really don't want to go into that place.
It's messed up and supposed to be haunted.
GLEE:
Are you sure she didn't run away, too?
No. She's in there.
- Come on.
- Mm-mm.
(groans)
- Gretchen.
- Gretchen!
- Gretch!
- Gretchen! -Gretchen!
Ugh. What's that smell?
Gretchen!
We saw something in here.
MARGARET:
You guys were just having a bad trip.
GLEE: What's that? A scarecrow?
ABBY: I-I thought it moved.
- (chittering)
- (screaming, panting)
Fucking raccoon.
- GLEE: Gretchen!
- MARGARET: Gretchen!
- GLEE: Gretchen!
- MARGARET: Where is she?
(gasps) Jesus. You scared me.
Where-where were you?
Where were you?
I thought you were right behind me.
(whimpers softly)
(sobbing)
Are you okay?
She's tripping balls.
(softly): Hey.
It's gonna be okay.
Can we go home now?
SISTER KATHLEEN:
Let's give a warm Aberdale welcome to.
"The Lemon Brothers
Have Faith & Fitness Show."
- Yeah!
- (rock music playing)
MARGARET: Aren't these the lame guys
who play the mall?
It's amazing to be here!
(laughing)
Hi. Howdy.
Hey, thanks for having us.
I'm Micah Lemon,
and these are my brothers.
- Jonah!
- (whoops)
And Christian!
- Yeah.
- Ha!
And we're here to lift you up to the Lord!
- (whooping)
- (applause)
- Whoa.
- (chuckles)
GLEE: Lunch in the quad later?
But I'm not eating anything.
I've gained two pounds since Friday.
I thought drugs were supposed
to make you lose weight.
Yeah, well, those drugs
didn't make us do anything.
Well, most of us.
When you feel the weight of the world
pressing down on you,
you'll hear a voice inside your head.
Hello?
Who's there?
No, it doesn't mean
you're ready for the funny farm,
because that voice is God,
and he's saying, "Dude, I got this."
(grunts, yells)
(students cheering)
(both chuckle)
Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Ha!
- Yeah!
Earth to Gretchen.
What's up?
Huh?
- Nothing.
- CHRISTIAN: When I'm sweating blood
and I don't think I'm gonna make
the clean and jerk,
- suddenly I'll feel lighter.
- Come on.
That's when I say, "Thank you, God.
Thank you for taking my load!"
(laughter)
Gretch.
Psst.
What?
Are you okay?
(chuckles softly)
CHRISTIAN: Well, don't they?
But that's when
we need to trust in God the most.
Whoa!
LEMON BROTHERS:
With the power of the cross,
anything is possible.
(yells)
(cheering)
(rock music continues)
And remember,
sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom.
- GLEE: I'll take a keychain!
- But that's just to show you
- that he is the rock at the bottom.
- (laughs)
(Gretchen taking short, trembling breaths)
(raspy breaths)
- Hey. We got shirts.
- (grunts)
Come on, let's go.
MICAH:
Now, who thinks they're strong?
JONAH:
Yeah, you are, Micah. Show 'em!
The Lord is power!
- (whooping) -(cheering)
- (rock music ends)
- MICAH: Yeah!
- JONAH: Yeah!
(birds chirping)
GLEE: You don't look so great, Gretchen.
You may want to eat something.
Maybe you should take
my P, B and J, Gretch.
I'm not hungry.
- MARGARET: Glee-Glee?
- GLEE: Hello.
You know I'm allergic to peanuts.
You're allergic to penis?
- You know, that explains a lot.
- (laughter)
Peanuts, you dipstick.
You know what?
I've got an EpiPen,
and I'm not afraid to use it.
- (yells)
- (laughter)
Good thing my girl's not.
Ugh. Would you guys stop sucking face?
It's nauseating.
We're nauseating?
Have you looked in a mirror today?
- Wally, I-I told you...
- I don't care if she had a bad trip.
She's being a snatch,
and she smells like dried spit.
GRETCHEN:
You're not fooling anyone
with your PDA, Stoney.
We all know you're packing a micro peanut.
What's your malfunction?
He's a poseur.
He only tells you he loves you
so you'll do him,
and he hits on your friends
behind your back.
Well, at least I'm not
an ice queen virgin bitch!
- MARGARET: Hey, guys, stop it.
- Oh, you...
- (all exclaiming, groaning)
- ABBY: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Gretchen!
This is Lacoste!
Is it true what Nancy Reagan says
about drugs...
That one time can, like,
totally ruin your life?
Why? Are you considering a coke habit?
This girl at school today, like, threw up,
and it got everywhere,
and it was really gross.
And her friend told me that she had
a bad acid trip over the weekend
and that she's been
acting weird ever since.
Stay out of it. You're on scholarship.
Keep your nose clean
and mind your own business.
- (insects chirping)
- (owl hooting)
(grunts softly)
(grunting softly)
(gasps softly)
(trembling breaths)
(whimpers)
(gasps)
(gasps)
It's cheap, tastes sweet,
but do not be fooled.
Each one of these contains a dangerously
high amount of alcohol by volume.
Glorious Grape,
Melon Escape,
Cherry Explosion, to name just three.
- Are you guys having flashbacks at all?
- MARGARET: Yeah.
I saw your face on a dog's butt.
(snickers)
SISTER KATHLEEN:
It only takes one mistake
to ruin what cannot be repaired.
Be that your reputation,
your family's good name or
- your most valuable gift.
- (mouthing)
- The police call this rape juice.
- (knock at door)
Brother Morgan.
Hi.
We're going to need some volunteers for...
(voice fades)
MARGARET: Glorious Grape.
You should give Brother Morgan
some rape juice.
Stop it.
Stop what?
- Stop it.
- You okay?
Stop touching my fucking neck.
- I didn't go near you, freak.
- (laughter)
Is there a problem, Miss Lang?
May I be excused?
This is God's time.
You should've gone at home.
You'll just have to hold it.
- (students murmuring)
- (Sister Kathleen gasping)
(laughter)
(urinating)
(gasping)
SISTER KATHLEEN:
I'm going to call your parents at once!
(laughter continues)
Is she okay?
She hasn't been at school,
you know, for...
It's nice of you to stop by,
but we need some family time now.
ABBY: Gretch!
MR. LANG: Gretchen,
get back in the house this instant!
Go, go, go!
Where are you going?!
(tires screech)
What's going on, Gretch?
What are you not telling me?
You can't tell anyone.
Swear.
I won't.
You know you can trust me.
(breath trembling)
Every night, he comes.
Who?
Who comes every night?
Is it... Is it someone we know?
I mean, i-if you just tell me his name,
I could take you to the police.
I can't, I can't, I can't say his name.
No, no, no.
Is it your dad?
It was that night at Margaret's.
He was in that little house in the woods.
Who was in the house?
He held me down.
And now, every night, he comes,
and he sits on my chest,
and I... and I can't move.
(crying):
And he... and he watches me
and he hurts me,
and I can't change clothes.
Abby, I can't shower.
I can't let him see my skin,
but I can feel him
watching me all the time.
But I can't give him a way in.
Do you understand?
Do you?
It's-it's every night.
What are you doing to yourself?
No.
Just.
I just want it to stop.
I'm afraid.
Of what?
What happens next.
You're gonna be okay.
I'm gonna help you, Gretchen.
You're gonna be okay.
We're gonna figure this out.
(engine starts)
ABBY:
So I have something to tell you both,
and it's, um... it's not good.
I swore I wasn't gonna tell anyone, but
Gretchen was raped.
It was at Margaret Chisholm's house
last weekend.
We... we took LSD.
I kn... I know it's wrong.
But Gretchen and I, uh, went for a walk,
and-and we got separated,
and-and I think there was
someone out there, and, uh... (sighs)
She's, uh... she's reliving the rape
every night
like-like Vietnam War vets
who have flashbacks, but...
It's all in here.
It's-it's post-traumatic stress.
You... (sighs)
Y-You... you took drugs?
At-at Larry and Dawn Chisholm's
weekend home?
(stammers)
You girls took illegal drugs?
Did you give her something today, Abby?
Someone attacked your daughter, Mr. Lang!
She got hurt.
I worried that something like this
would happen, but,
but I thought that your friendship
with Gretchen would be good for you.
I-I thought that it would lift you up!
She's-she's my best friend.
I'm just trying to help her.
Please leave.
Why is Miss Lang not telling me this?
Well, um, she doesn't want anyone to know.
But she needs help.
(sighs)
It might interest you to know
that I received a telephone call
this morning
from Grace Lang.
She told me you might try to drag
her daughter's name through the mud.
I'm sure that's not Miss Rivers'...
If I find that you have been
selling narcotics on my campus
or repeating these vile
and baseless allegations
about Miss Lang's maidenhood,
I will pull your scholarship so fast
your head will spin.
You may go.
(sighs)
(birds chirping)
(distorted laughing)
(camera clicks, whirs)
(camera clicks, whirs)
MARGARET (laughing):
Glorious Grape?
WALLACE: It's the best flavor.
ABBY:
I'm telling you, Glee, it was Wallace.
He jumped Gretchen that night.
GLEE (over phone): Oh, my God.
I mean, it's probably why
she's been acting so nuts.
But that's crazy. Why would he do that?
ABBY (over speakerphone):
It makes so much sense.
He's a total horn dog.
Everybody knows that.
And, I mean, he was with us,
but by the time Gretchen had gone missing,
he had conveniently gone home?
You've seen him, Glee.
He's a total dill weed.
And you're a backstabbing bitch.
You're just jealous I have a boyfriend,
so you want to fuck up
everything good in my life.
Margaret, that-that's not true. I-I...
MARGARET:
Never speak to me again.
- (line clicks)
- (dial tone droning)
GLEE:
You're kidding. She didn't.
MARGARET: She totally did.
GLEE: Wait, and what did he say?
MARGARET:
Well, you'll never believe me.
- (Glee laughs)
- Hey, I-I didn't... I didn't mean...
MARGARET:
Did you hear something?
No. Nada.
(Abby grunts, gasps)
No one spreads lies about me, bitch.
I wouldn't piss on that crusty cooze
if she was on fire.
(pained whimpering)
You swore you wouldn't tell.
I'm... I'm trying to help you.
(coughs)
(insects chirping)
(rock clatters)
Gretch. Gretch.
Please just talk to me.
I'm sorry, okay?
BROTHER MORGAN: Thanks for giving up
your Saturday morning, everyone.
Today's dry run will ensure
we have a great carnival this year.
The Lord and the Bulldogs thank you.
Who'll work the kissing booth?
Any volunteers?
Oh.
Sorry about last night.
Oh, Gretch. Hi.
The parental units were up
watching Mat lock.
I had to lay low.
Yeah, that's... that's okay.
Is your mouth okay?
BROTHER MORGAN: Can I get a volunteer
to test the dunking booth?
I'm sorry for acting
like such a wackadoo lately.
I've been figuring some things out.
- I totally understand.
- BROTHER MORGAN: Dunking booth.
Can anyone help out?
I mean, Gretch,
you guys are moving soon,
and with what happened at the lake...
It was Wallace Stoney, right?
In the woods?
We have to tell,
or he's gonna hurt someone else.
I mean, he hurt me, too.
- (Gretchen sighs)
- You saw it.
He's violent, and he needs to be stopped.
Gretch, did you... did you hear
what I said about Wallace?
Hey. We'll be your guinea pigs.
You sure? The water's pretty cold.
Well, someone has to.
Okay.
All right, go ahead
and cut off the faucet.
GRETCHEN: You know, uh
uh, I've been feeling pretty sick,
so I probably shouldn't get wet.
I don't want to.
Here's your chance.
For what?
Flirt with him.
I'm not actually gonna dunk you.
I don't want to get wet.
Duh.
I'll miss.
So.
How you doing this fine morning,
Brother Morgan?
It's a great day for a good cause.
Isn't it?
And Abby here is just
the most giving girl I know.
Uh
I tell you what.
Step right up, folks.
Time to dunk for the Dogs.
And let's make this interesting.
If I miss, then I have to donate
20 bucks to the Bulldogs,
but if I hit, you all have to pay.
- I'd pay to dunk that chunk.
- Me, too.
It's for charity.
Come on, people!
(crowd murmuring)
You getting up there or what, Abby-Normal?
GIRL: Yeah, I'm in for a couple.
Please just miss, okay?
You know you can trust me.
BOY: No, there's no way...
MARGARET: Do it, Abby.
GIRL: Look. She's doing it.
(laughing): Abby! Abby!
CROWD (chanting):
Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby!
Abby! Abby! Abby!
(crowd gasping, cheering)
(crowd laughing, murmuring)
Here, let me help you.
GIRL: Oh, look at her makeup.
GRETCHEN:
Oh, my gosh, that was crazy.
- GIRL: Look at her!
- GRETCHEN: I-I
I can't-can't believe I hit it.
I never hit what I'm aiming at.
BROTHER MORGAN: Here, I've got a.
I'm not sure this is enough.
GRETCHEN: Aw.
Thanks, Brother M.
You're so sweet.
No wonder Abby thinks of you
while she rubs her nub.
(crowd gasping)
(crowd laughing, murmuring)
(Margaret chuckles)
(Gretchen laughing)
(sighs)
(laughing)
(door opens)
(sniffles)
(laughs) There you are.
(laughing):
Oh, my gosh, that was so funny.
Funny?
You thought that was funny?
Oh, quit being such a drama queen.
You know what, Gretchen? Fuck you.
Whoa.
- Potty mouth.
- You know exactly what you did.
And you know exactly why it matters.
We're over.
Get away from me.
GRETCHEN (distorted):
She hates you.
(stall door closes, locks)
GRETCHEN:
I'm sorry for what I did.
(distorted): Everyone hates you.
But it wasn't my fault.
Oh, yeah,
'cause nothing is ever your fault.
I'm sick of it.
GRETCHEN (distorted):
She'll never speak to you again.
Please don't leave me alone.
I'm sick of you talking crazy
and blaming all your bull crap
on everybody else!
It wasn't your parents who just dunked me.
It wasn't Wallace or Margaret
who just ruined my makeup
and told Brother Morgan
that I think about him when...
That was one time,
and I should have never told you!
I was the one person
who was trying to help you.
- Goodbye, Gretchen.
- GRETCHEN (distorted): Loser.
Rot in your crazy, for all I care.
GRETCHEN (distorted, echoing):
You're all alone.
(sobbing)
(grunting, panting)
(whimpering)
(sobbing)
(insects chirping)
(house alarm blaring)
(groans)
Can you turn that off?
What set it off?
I don't know.
(gasping)
(straining)
Six, six, five, seven. Right?
(straining)
(gasping)
(squealing)
(alarm continues loudly)
(screaming)
(alarm stops)
GRETCHEN (distorted): Mine.
(both sigh heavily)
- Jesus Christ.
- Honey!
(knock at door)
Gretch?
(sighs)
You okay, sweetie?
Sorry about the alarm.
Not sure what that was.
GRETCHEN: I'm fine.
Okay.
Night.
(writing)
Don't stay up too late.
("One Way or Another" by Blondie playing)
(door opens)
One way or another
I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya,
get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya,
get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya,
meet ya, meet ya, meet ya
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meet ya,
I'm gonna meet ya...
You're looking better.
What do you care?
Okay, folks. Today's the day
you've all been waiting for.
All I did was care.
BROTHER MORGAN: Everyone,
make sure you got your goggles...
If you cared, you would've stood by me.
BROTHER MORGAN: It's my favorite date
on the science calendar.
Now it's too late.
Fetal pig dissection day.
Follow along as I make the first cut.
What do you mean?
Too late for what?
BROTHER MORGAN: Let's start
with an incision at the sternum.
(pig squealing)
(screams) Mine's alive!
It... it moved.
(laughter)
The slip, a slip of the hip
Or another, I'm gonna lose ya
I'll trick ya, I'll trick ya
One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya,
trick ya, trick ya, trick ya...
- (laughter)
- (song fades)
Oh, you guys, check out this note
that someone left in my locker.
"My blood runs hot when you are near.
I may act cold, but that's just fear."
Ooh.
Glee's got a secret admirer.
Maybe it's forbidden love.
Oh. Hey, Wally.
Could you give me a ride
to school tomorrow?
My parents don't want me riding
in Abby's death trap anymore.
I just
feel so safe in your Beemer.
I can give you a ride anytime.
(chuckling): Wallace.
Oh, damn, G-Meister.
What do you weigh, like 90?
I could put you on my jock
and spin you like a fucking top.
(laughing): My gosh.
- Don't be disgusting.
- Yeah.
Don't be disgusting.
- She fell on me.
- Serious?
What's that nastiness?
It's a diet shake from France.
They give you, like, no appetite.
The FDA totally won't approve it,
but I steal them from my mom.
Diet shake?
Can I try?
Mm. Vanilla.
It's not totally rank.
Do you have more?
Duh. Cases.
You can finish that.
Thanks.
(insects chirping)
(groans softly, sniffs)
(breathing heavily)
(pig snorting quietly)
(grunts, coughs)
(panting)
(pig continues snorting quietly)
(pig squealing)
(gasps, screams)
Abby, what's going on?
(breathing heavily)
It was just a bad dream.
Ugh. You scared the shit out of me.
(door closes)
(Gretchen snorts like pig)
(laughing)
So, are Gretchen and Wallace,
like, a-a thing now?
Whatever. I don't care.
I know we're not, like, awesome,
but, uh.
I still care about you as a friend.
(chuckles) Gay.
Do you think you're taking
the milkshake thing too far?
Sit and spin, Abby.
I'm finally losing weight
for the first time in my life.
I hate to admit it, but Abby's right.
Margaret's crying out for attention.
Maybe if she knew
that she was truly loved,
she'd stop starving herself, you know?
If she did leave you that note,
it's a shame she couldn't say it herself.
Sad.
GLEE:
You don't need to lose weight.
I think you're beautiful at any size.
Glee, chill.
I just can't stand to watch you
hurting yourself.
I love you.
And I know that you love me, too.
Yeah. Like a friend.
Come on, Margaret. Last summer, and now
the note.
(chuckles)
You think that was from me?
(Margaret laughing)
I'm not a dyke. (Laughs)
But I guess now we know you are.
(Margaret continues laughing)
(coughing)
(breathing heavily)
(sobbing)
Are you okay?
Brought you a cheer-me-up brownie.
Thanks.
I know what it's like.
Hiding what's really going on inside.
Worrying about what people might think.
But I'm here.
Okay?
I'm gonna help.
(Glee sniffles)
(coughs)
Where-where'd you get this brownie?
I brought it from home.
It was left over in my-my lunch. Why?
Were there any nuts in it?
I don't know.
(coughing)
(gasping): I... need my...
Huh?
GRETCHEN: Oh. Your EpiPen?
(Glee gasping)
Glee?
Let's play a little game.
(gasping): What?
(coughs)
It's... it's in here somewhere.
Gretchen, please.
Cold.
Colder.
Glee! Glee!
(wheezing, coughing)
Get up, lesbo.
You're cold as fuck!
(whimpering): Help me, God.
Oh, you want God's help now?
God hates gays. Don't you know that?
- Glee!
- (siren blaring)
- GRETCHEN: She just crawled out of the bathroom.
- ABBY: Glee! Glee!
- BOY: The paramedics are here.
- Nuts. She-she must have eaten nuts.
(weak, shallow breathing)
GIRL: Is she breathing?
Margaret?
Abby?
Is Glee gonna be okay?
I think so.
She's, um, critical but stable.
It's all my fault.
I shouldn't have laughed.
It isn't funny.
God, I'm such a bitch.
It's not all your fault.
I mean, I think Gretchen wrote
that love letter, and
I think she's trying to get you
to starve yourself to death.
(bag unzips)
Uh, I brought Frusen Gldj.
And spoons.
No more diet shakes.
I haven't even had one since Thursday.
I'm just not hungry.
My parents
they think I'm doing it
to get attention, but,
but I can't even think about food
without wanting to gag.
It's a mental thing.
Like mind control that just takes over.
You can beat it.
Just-just try a tiny bite.
Okay?
Let me just... smell it first.
(gagging)
I-I told you I can't eat. (Coughs)
Move it.
The-the smell. (Gags)
You okay?
I'm not anorexic, Abby.
I-I just can't eat.
It's like someone poisoned me.
Ow. My stomach.
It-it hurts.
Uh...
(stomach gurgling)
ABBY: Is your stomach okay?
(choking)
Oh, my God. Margaret!
(dog barks)
- (barking)
- (gasps)
(gasps)
ABBY: Someone, help! Help!
ABBY: Taenia saginata.
It's not French. They're tapeworm eggs.
Oh, my God.
The doctor said people drink these
to lose weight, but
you're only supposed to have
like half a packet.
Anything more is really dangerous.
Is she gonna be okay?
They're still pulling them out.
"Them"?
The first one was 11 feet long.
You've got to stop her.
- (quiet chatter)
- (smooth jazz music playing)
- Hey.
- Jesus!
Uh, uh, you're the...
you're the Lemon Brothers, right?
Uh, y-you played my school a couple
weeks ago... Aberdale Academy.
Yeah, we play a lot of high schools.
Um, you saw this girl in the crowd,
and you looked like you'd seen a ghost.
Well, not a ghost exactly.
Hey. What's the holdup?
I have the gift of discernment, all right?
That chick a friend of yours?
You've got the gift of walking home
if you're not in the van in five.
Wait, wh-what... I mean, what do I do?
How do I make it stop?
(sighs)
Do you like yogurt?
(Christian slurping)
(grunts, chuckles)
Uh, so, um...
CHRISTIAN: Mm. (Clears throat)
Mm. (Grunts)
Mm. (Slurps)
Mm, this is good.
(sighs)
Okay. (Clears throat) Now...
Your friend, did she get sick?
Real sick, like, physically?
She get all grotesque and gnarly?
- Uh-huh.
- Mm, uh-huh.
She say depressing things? Hmm?
She maybe try and hurt herself?
But then she got better, right?
Better than before.
She looks copacetic, but up here,
she's freaking cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Am I right?
Uh, I-I guess that's one way to put it.
Mm-hmm. She been committing sins?
Huh? Grouchy?
PMS-ing all the time?
Sorry, do you know what that means?
I'm 16.
Oh, rad. Sorry.
Um, but, uh, yes, yes and-and yes.
Okay.
Did her eyes turn black like a shark's?
Her eyes seemed fine.
Right on.
Well... (clears throat)
even without the eyes,
dollars to doughnuts,
it's demonic possession.
- (inhales deeply, exhales)
- Don't stress.
It's actually a lot more common
than people think.
- It is?
- (chuckles) If I'm lying, I'm dying.
No, but we play a lot of high schools,
and, uh, I'd say there's
just about one in every class.
A missive of Satan
has taken her as his host.
Okay, he's in control now,
and if no one stops him,
your friend will be gone for good.
(lips smacking)
Well, she's hurting all of her friends.
Our friends.
Yeah, well, the demon's trying to isolate
her so he can take full possession.
Sounds like you're
the last line of defense.
It's only a matter of time
before they come for you, too.
So, what do I do?
She needs an exorcism.
Okay, so, um... so you mean, like, uh...
Yeah. What-what do you mean?
I mean there's, like, a demon inside her
and he needs to be taken out.
Uh-huh.
Um, have you... have you done
one of those before?
Yeah. No.
Well, not personally, but, um,
my brothers have lots of times,
and I was there, so...
So, uh... so maybe I should talk to them.
Wait, I-look, look, listen.
I-I've got the sight, too, okay?
I'm ready.
(clears throat)
Look, uh
when I was seven,
our mom died in a car crash.
I knew before everybody else,
'cause I saw her.
She came to me...
You know, not my brothers; Me...
And she told me she was okay
and that she loved us
and that she would see us,
you know, on the other side.
So you'll do it?
(clicks tongue, sighs)
Look, I've seen the demon
inside your friend.
I mean, this is not gonna be
your run-of-the-mill puke and rebuke.
So... you got to help me save her.
Please?
I can get you, like,
ten yogurt punch cards.
We need somewhere quiet, all right?
Private, preferably remote.
It can get really noisy.
No hotels. Guests get the wrong idea.
- You know anywhere like that?
- I think so.
Uh, how-how long do we have?
Could be days, could be hours.
- What?
- Got to be tonight.
She's never gonna go. Not voluntarily.
(chuckles)
That's why we're not
gonna give her a choice.
Up top.
You can do it.
All right, Gabby.
- It's Abby.
- Really?
With an "A." Yeah.
Okay.
CHRISTIAN: First things first,
we got to get her alone.
ABBY: No problem.
Gretchen's parents will be at vespers,
- so that's taken care of.
- CHRISTIAN: Great.
Then we just need to give her
a little extra something in her drink.
Huh? Here, take this.
ABBY:
Got it. I know just where to put it.
- CHRISTIAN: Perfect. Up top.
- ABBY: Really?
- CHRISTIAN: Come on, up top.
- (Abby sighs)
- (door creaks open)
- (gasps softly)
Shit. Shit.
- (rattling)
- (gasps)
GRETCHEN: Hello?
- (doorknob rattling)
- (Abby muttering softly)
Come on, come on. Open, open.
Oh, please, come on. Open.
- ("Little Boxes" by Pete Seeger playing)
- (Abby grunting)
(Abby whimpers, gasps)
You really are obsessed with me,
aren't you?
(singing along):
And they all got put in boxes
Little boxes all the same.
Gretchen.
Please.
"Gretchen, please."
You're the one who broke into
my fucking house.
I know who you are.
I know what you're doing to my friend.
(gasps)
(distorted):
You don't know shit, you stupid girl.
(yelps)
(chuckles)
(gasping)
(giggles)
- (Gretchen grunts)
- (Abby groans, coughs)
Whew.
Thirsty work.
And drink their martini dry,
and they all have pretty children
(sighs)
And the children go to school
Now...
And the children go to summer camp
Oh.
And then to the university...
You bitch.
And they all come out the same.
ABBY:
You sure you know what you're doing?
CHRISTIAN: Oh. (Scoffs)
T-Totally. (Clears throat)
(Gretchen breathing slowly)
ABBY: What was in that?
- She dropped like a rock.
- GHB.
Yeah, weight lifters use it all the time,
but take too much, it really
really knocks you on your ass.
Well...
All right. (Grunting)
Whoa. Heavy. (Chuckles)
Got to be the demon. Whew.
'Cause I could pick up
a 17-year-old, no problem.
- (owls hooting)
- (glass breaks)
ABBY:
Shit, dude. Keys are under the mat.
CHRISTIAN: Oh, rad. Sorry.
(grunting)
(panting)
Classy place.
Promise she won't get hurt?
It's up to her.
(Christian sighs)
This is so exciting!
If Mama could just see me now.
We're tying up a teenage girl
We're gonna do an exorcism.
I'll be back.
(sighs) Perimeter secure.
Hey, have there been
a lot of owls around here lately?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, they sense their master's near.
Look, I'm gonna get the demon
to reveal himself.
Okay, but it might take
a little bit of time,
so I just need you to trust me, check?
Check?
- Check.
- Okay.
Uh... Oh, and when he does...
And this is critical, okay?
Do not engage with the demon.
D-Do not speak to the demon.
Do not acknowledge the demon in any way.
You got that?
Got it.
'Cause he's all that is evil,
and he can only be defeated by
all that is good.
Um, you got to walk into the arena
of diabolic battle
armed with nothing but love, faith
and the power of Jesus Christ.
You're baptized, right?
I'm Jewish.
GRETCHEN: Abby!
Abby, are you here?
Why am I tied up?
CHRISTIAN: Oh, right.
First place they go for.
(grunting)
Saint Michael the Archangel...
- What the hell? This isn't funny!
- Defend us in battle.
Be our protection against
the wickedness and snares of the devil.
- May God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
- Who's this weirdo?
(inhales deeply, whispers):
Our Father, who art in heaven...
Hello, Abby!
Is this some kind of joke?
Forever and ever, amen.
(inhales deeply)
You're scaring me.
(clears throat)
I command you, unclean spirit,
along with all your minions...
If we leave right now,
I won't tell anyone this happened.
I command you, unclean spirit,
tell me your name!
Abby, seriously,
do you know how much trouble
you're gonna be in for this?
With the power of
my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
I command you to tell me your name, demon!
(laughing)
GRETCHEN: Wait, wait, wait.
Holy balls.
I just realized what you guys are doing.
(singsongy):
You think I'm possessed.
(chuckles)
I command you, unclean spirit,
tell me your name.
Mr. Fart Face. That's my name.
Demon, I command you,
unclean spirit, tell me...
- Andras.
- What?
Andras.
Its name's Andras.
(giggling)
GRETCHEN: Hey! Let me go!
What'd I tell you?
What's the one thing I told you not to do?
She was lying to us.
- I said do not talk to the demon.
- I didn't talk to the demon.
You said his name.
I mean, where'd you hear that name?
It was in her Trapper Keeper.
Are you sure that was the name?
Yeah.
Is that, like, a really bad one?
(chuckles softly)
(hushed): Shit!
It's critical that I show this demon
who's top dog.
By getting it to reveal its name, okay,
I bend it toward my will.
It's called harnessing the demon,
and, um
it's extremely important.
Okay?
Sorry.
Everything Copacabana between you two?
Wouldn't want to ruin
your hot exorcism date.
In the name of Jesus, I remove you!
- What the... Are you kidding me right now?
- Spirt of discord and disharmony,
I send you to the cross!
(screams)
Motherfucker, that hurt!
(screaming)
- Stop! Abby, stop him!
- Wait.
Stop. I-I think you're hurting her.
It is right to mortify the flesh
of the demoniac to draw out the demon.
- (grunts)
- (screaming, panting)
This is kidnapping and torture!
- This is some America's Most Wanted shit!
- (grunts)
- (screams) Stop!
- Tell me your name, demon.
- Stop it!
- Truth to God, tell me your name!
(screams)
Be right back. I'm empty.
(Gretchen gasping)
Abby, Abby, Abby.
Abby. (Shudders)
Abby, I'm sorry, okay?
The acid really messed me up for a while,
and I was... I was sick of Margaret
bossing everyone around.
Weren't you? But clearly I went too far,
'cause now you think I'm possessed,
which is beyond insane.
I'm really scared here.
At least clean off my face.
The salt stings.
Please, if you were ever my friend,
please just clean off my face.
Please. My eyes hurt so bad.
Please?
- Get back!
- I... I can't do this.
We've barely gotten started.
- Tempt me not with vain things!
- I-I really
(screaming, sobbing)
I really don't think...
- (Christian grunting)
- ABBY: You're hurting her!
Tell me your name, unholy one!
- Truth to God, tell me your name!
- (screaming)
ABBY: Stop! Stop it!
Stop it! Stop!
- (Christian grunting)
- (Gretchen screaming)
(rumbling)
(Gretchen screaming, distorted)
- (glass shattering)
- (distorted screaming continues)
(screaming stops)
Holy shit!
(whispers): Andras.
Its name is Andras.
(screams) Abby, get it out of me, please!
(demonic voice): No crying, pig.
(screaming resumes)
GRETCHEN:
Please help me! (Screams)
Hot damn! We got ourselves a demon.
- GRETCHEN: Please help.
- (Christian whoops)
- I got to go protein-load.
- Hmm?
(laughing)
(panting)
- (Christian chuckling excitedly)
- (Gretchen laughing)
Okay, so Andras is the 63rd entity
in The Lesser Key of Solomon,
grand marquis of hell
and the commander of 30 legions of demons.
Pass me the Gatorade.
GRETCHEN:
Guys, don't leave me in here with him!
- So...
- GRETCHEN: Help me.
Please help. Get him out of me!
An exorcism is a plundering
of the soul, right? Not just, uh...
- Gretchen's?
- Yeah, Gretchen's.
- But mine, too. You know, it's a test.
- And mine, too?
Uh, yeah, maybe.
Anyway, it's a test, right?
You got to be willing to strip away
all the outer stuff...
You know, the personal safety,
the conventional morality...
Till there's nothing left but the truth,
even if it's just a tiny little nugget.
- You know, like a, like a pebble of truth.
- GRETCHEN: Abby, please.
A truth pebble can shake
the Walls of Jericho.
- GRETCHEN: Help me.
- You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I-I'll do whatever.
I just want my friend back.
(sighs) All right.
Come on.
Let's go send this demon back to hell.
Hi.
Thirsty?
Yeah.
It's okay.
Holy water!
- I drown you in God's holy love.
- (coughs) No, no, no, no, no!
(Gretchen whimpering)
- Gut, head, heart, groin.
- No!
Face me, liar! Don't you hide!
Gut, head, heart, groin.
- Gut, head, heart, groin.
- Get it out!
It's going deeper. (Whimpers)
Oh, it hurts!
Grab her legs.
- No! No! No! No! (Screams)
- Take it. Take it.
I take up the sword of God.
- Spirit, I pierce you.
- (Gretchen gagging)
Driving away your lies.
(Christian groans)
(Gretchen moaning)
(gags, gasps)
(spitting, coughing)
(gasping)
Fill the tub.
What? Why?
Full-immersion baptism.
The more we mortify the flesh,
the harder it is for the demon to hide.
No, that's-that's too much.
We must divorce the demon
from its human host.
Only then can we vanquish him
and send him back to the hell
from whence he came!
I'm not drowning her.
- (whimpering)
- (exhales sharply)
(Christian grunts in frustration)
Let him do it, please!
No. He's hurting you.
Andras showed me what I did.
To you, to Margaret, to Glee.
That wasn't you.
(teakettle whistling)
We're going to DEFCON 2.
- (demonic voice): I dare you.
- CHRISTIAN: Feel the word of God.
- No, no. Stop!
- Yes!
- Let me do it!
- Get it out!
It's hot, it's hot, it's hot.
- Watch out. No.
- GRETCHEN: No!
(both panting)
I'm sorry. I lost control there.
You were right to intervene.
We're so close.
WOMAN: Christian.
Christian.
Is that my baby boy?
Mom?
I missed you so much, jelly bean.
This isn't real.
I know this isn't real.
It's her, though.
I'm so proud of you.
- (chuckles)
- (woman laughs)
I told you I was okay, remember?
After the accident.
But I wasn't.
I was pinned in that car for 15 minutes.
I was still alive when it caught fire.
You should've come to help me, Christian.
(whimpering):
Help me, Christian.
Help me, Christian.
(voice distorting):
Help me, Christian. Help me, Christian.
Help me, Christian!
(screaming)
No, wait.
Y-You're not just leaving me, right?
(stammering):
I got him to show himself, you know?
- That's, like, the hardest part, right?
- Oh. You can't.
I mean, this was your idea.
I-I can't do this on my own.
Hey, you got this.
You protein-loaded.
Let me know how it goes.
You have my number?
GRETCHEN: Bye-bye, Mr. Exorcist.
(distorted):
It's just us now, Abby.
Face it.
You can't save her.
You should go.
(demonic voice): It's over.
(electrical buzzing)
GRETCHEN (distorted):
Scared of the dark?
You shouldn't have stayed, Abby.
- This will end badly for you.
- Gretchen?
(footsteps scurrying)
(Gretchen chuckles)
(Gretchen laughs)
(distorted laughing)
(gasps)
GRETCHEN (distorted):
You're disgusting.
You grease-faced freak.
Stop it!
Who will you be now that Gretchen is gone?
You're nothing without her.
You're invisible.
- (chuckles)
- (gasps)
- (growls)
- (grunts)
(yells)
You saved yourself and left your friend,
and now you're gonna die!
- (grunting fiercely)
- (gasping, whimpering)
(demonic laughing)
(grunts)
(panting)
I know who you are, Andras.
(distorted):
And you are just a weak little girl.
Maybe, but I'm not gonna give up.
'Cause I want my best friend back,
you piece of shit!
She was never your friend.
She kept you around
'cause she felt sorry for you.
Be my protection against
the wickedness and snares of the devil.
Seriously?
We're still doing this?
- Hallowed be thy name.
- It won't work.
You're a weak, fat fucking loser,
and you always will be.
(yells)
(demonic gasping)
(demonic shrieking)
(owls hooting)
Oh, man.
(wheezing softly)
Gretch.
(weakly):
Just let him take me, Abby.
You should go.
I'm not going anywhere.
The power of Boy George compels you.
(gasping, coughing)
The power of spring break '82 in Tampa
when we got sunburns
and virgin pia coladas
compels you.
Abby! Abby, help!
The power of The Thorn Birds and E.T.
and-and the power of cookies and cream
frozen yogurt compels you.
(gasping)
The power of Tiffany and-and the power
of our photo booth pictures
from Walt's and Sons Drugstore
compels to you.
He won't stop until you stop, Abby.
I love you, Gretchen Lang.
And no demon will ever change that.
(gasping weakly)
(gasping)
Gretch?
(gasping)
- Hey.
- (panting, sobbing)
Gretchen?
Jesus. Is that what was inside of me?
Abby, don't let him take me again.
- I won't.
- (Andras hisses)
- Over here, Andras.
- (hisses)
That's right, come to me.
- (snarls)
- (Abby yelps)
(whimpers, gasps)
(growling)
- (squishing thud)
- (screeches)
- (yelps, grunts)
- ABBY: No!
Mine!
- Leave her alone.
- (choking)
Mine!
Andras, take me.
She's finished. Take me.
Now, Gretchen!
(grunts)
180 proof.
Easy to get yourself into a bad situation.
Or out of one.
(snarling)
GRETCHEN: Do it.
(screeching)
(screeching stops)
GRETCHEN (crying): You did it.
I love you, Abby.
ABBY: I love you, too.
Gretchen, we leave in ten.
Hi.
ABBY:
I can't believe this is goodbye.
Really?
It's a new start for both of us.
I can't believe
I actually said that out loud.
Promised I wouldn't.
Me, neither.
Oh.
For your new room.
(chuckles)
Thanks.
I know he's gone.
I saw it with my own eyes.
But how do we know he's gonna stay gone?
We don't.
But you finished it.
Total demon slayer.
I'm never gonna forget you.
I'm not gonna let you.
I'll call.
LYLAS?
LYLAS.
(sniffles)
(sobs)
(car door closes)
(engine starts)
("Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club
playing)
(bird screeching)
Desert loving in your eyes all the way
If I listened to your lies,
would you say
I'm a man without conviction
I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go, you come and go
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy
if your colors were like my dreams
Red, gold and green,
red, gold and green
Didn't hear your wicked words
every day
And you used to be so sweet,
I heard you say
That my love was an addiction
When we cling, our love is strong
When you go, you're gone forever
You string along, you string along
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy
if your colors were like my dreams
Red, gold and green,
red, gold and green
Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy
if your colors were like my dreams
Red, gold and green,
red, gold and green
(fading): Karma, karma, karma,
karma, karma chameleon.
(music fades)