My Friend Dahmer (2017) Movie Script
Is it a person?
Yes.
Is this person living?
Yes.
Is this person famous?
Sort of.
Would I know this person?
No.
Is this person a boy?
Yes.
Does this person live
anywhere near here?
No.
Hey, who was that?
Why are you standing?
Hey kid, get in your seat.
Get in your seat.
(Speaking with speech
We could frame
this whole wall of windows
with drapes.
Oh... oh that's...
that's an idea.
Jeff!
What are you doing home?
I thought you were at tennis.
Mom, I told you,
tennis season is over.
Oh.
Oh sorry, Jeff.
This is Mr. burlman.
He's my new interior designer.
Jeff, this is... this is Mr...
Mr. burlman.
Nice
to meet you, Jeff.
Don't... don't...
don't be alarmed by that.
- It's just a little...
- palsy.
- Palsy.
- Yeah.
Just a little palsy.
Don't you do that.
He's a very talented designer.
Oh.
I heard that, Mrs. dahmer.
Thank you very much.
These windows...
super talented.
Spectacular.
Have I told you I found these
very sort of Lacy drapes?
Oh, I don't know...
"dwapes."
Come on, I don't want
to miss monty python.
You
know what I mean?
Say no more, say no more.
Hey dahmer, what's in the bag?
Dead cat?
Well, I'm
going to dissolve it.
Huh?
In some acid.
What?
So full of crap.
Where did you get acid?
My dad's a chemist.
Got my hands on it easy.
Yeah right.
Well, come see if
you don't believe me.
The acid's kind of weak,
so takes about a month
for the flesh to dissolve.
Why are you doing this?
I like bones.
It interests me what's inside.
This is a bunch of bull crap.
Dead animals, acid.
Bet these jars are full of
nothing but muddy water.
Found this about a
month ago on Hampton road.
The flesh is almost
completely dissolved now.
Yeah right.
God, dahmer, you
are such a freak.
How was your day, dad?
Oh, uneventful.
Mr. demison read more
from Charlotte's web today...
is there a stronger
chemical I can use?
Something that works faster?
About the hut, Jeff...
let your brother talk!
Go ahead.
It's about a spider
that talks to a pig
named wilbur, who's going to
be slaughtered by a butcher.
Oh my, well, let
me think on that, Jeff.
Uh uh, let your
brother have the leg.
But he...
I like the dark meat.
There's
plenty of white meat.
Give the leg to your brother.
Ah, it looks delicious.
How about...
so uh... how was...
what, tennis Jeff?
Tennis ended a week ago.
But I have a chance to
be second in singles.
Next year.
Well, I don't
know, next year maybe
you should, you know,
take up a team sport.
The potatoes.
...Or join a club.
I'm bringing
the potatoes!
Well, I'm in
marching band at school.
I know, but
I just... new things
offer new opportunities
for friends.
And friends, yeah, are our
connection with this world.
Um, mom?
Chicken's red inside.
Oh, no it's not.
Yes, Joyce it is.
Yeah.
Well, you
don't like my cooking?
No, that's...
that's what's
going on here,
you don't like my cooking?
Well that's ok, new house rule.
We eat our mistakes.
Do you want a potato?
Sure.
That's what I thought.
Some people
appreciate my cooking.
Out of the way, dahmer.
Dumb ass.
Mr. John beckter.
You matched chloropods?
Yeah, we were just...
gather yourself.
Ms. bowles, come on.
Now.
Freaking bully.
Over there with Jeff.
Now.
Jeff, stay on the same slide,
give Mr. bekderf a look.
Hey.
I'm going away this summer
to a wilderness camp,
but in exchange my dad
said I can get tickets
to the Neil sedaka concert.
He's my favorite.
I know.
Wanna go?
Um, sure.
Hey kid, you're in my spot.
Move!
Over here.
Everyone!
Quiet.
Now I'm only talking to the
seniors, so the rest of you
just keep your traps shut.
As you know, I'm on the
prom planning committee,
and we've put our hearts
into the event which
is right around the corner.
- Hey, faggot.
- It's going to be...
stop that!
Big, let me go.
Voting for prom king...
voting for... uh...
ends this Friday!
It's going to be the best prom
ever, and just a reminder...
Frankie Jr. stop that!
...Paying for some
crony Joyce!
Shut up.
Next week you're
going to be into...
- pottery.
- Next week?
You don't even know what's
happening next week.
You know what next week is?
When I go back to work.
Oh yeah.
How are you
going back to work?
I'm going back to work.
Our boy is going to let
himself into the house.
David's eleven.
He is eleven and
that's just about time.
I'm telling you.
What, you know, the
girls are doing it.
They're all going back to work.
They're not even coming home
on the weekends sometimes.
All the girls
are doing that because...
what?
...They're
not less than a year
out of the mental hospital.
- That's mean.
- Joyce.
That's totally mean.
Are they going
to hit each other?
You're really
going to say that to me?
No.
They just argue.
Don't make
me say it Joyce.
- Make you say what?
- Just leave it alone.
Make you say what?
Joyce, it's
because a month ago
you saw a ufo flying
down the street
and you chased after it...
that sounds excellent.
The horns were pitch perfect.
You play like that at
our year-end recital,
and we're going to blow
scalps off the audience.
Once again from the top.
Three, four.
Hey, faggot!
There you are.
You've been avoiding us all day.
Hey Jeff.
Come to save the day, dumber?
Uh, no.
What, are you going
to defend this homo
with your trumpet case?
I've got a trumpet
you can blow.
No, I was just going
to tell him something.
Well then, go ahead.
It's nothing.
Jeff, I got the Neil sadaka
tickets for this Saturday.
My dad said he'd pick you up
around 5:00 this Saturday.
Hey, Dave.
Where's your brother?
I think he's in his lab.
Been there for hours.
And your mother?
Hey, Joyce?
Yeah, we need to
talk about Jeff.
God dammit.
Dad?
You're never home this early.
That's enough, Jeff.
Hey!
Dad.
No.
You are spending too
much time in here.
Don't.
No, you know I let
you have a pet cemetery when
you were a kid and now this.
Dad!
Don't!
No.
You need to get out.
Get out of your shell.
Yeah?
Something more normal.
I'm in the school band.
You are not hearing me.
I don't... I don't
know what happened.
I do know, this...
I'm closing this down.
No more.
I'm taking it down.
Do you understand?
Enough.
Jeff.
Enough.
...Trapped in this
wasteland for another year.
I know.
Senior year is
usually going to suck.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait, time out.
- You ok?
- Oh!
Skye!
Are you kidding me?
No that doesn't count.
That's really fun.
Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
Are you in an
after school program?
No, not right now.
Tennis just ended.
Yeah, and marching
band is only in the fall.
Well, then
get off school grounds.
- Ok.
- Day's over.
All right.
Can't be
hanging around...
- ok.
...With nothing to do.
Sorry.
Hey
yeah, we're going.
Trying to catch a buzz?
Seven bucks.
It's good.
Really good stuff, skunky.
I've got more if
you want it, too.
What's with the bag?
I have to pick up road
kill, but I'm trying to quit.
I can get you road kill, man.
Stick with me.
Hey you guys!
You guys trying to catch a buzz?
What are you doing?
Studying for finals.
Uh, can I have a minute?
Ok look, Jeff.
The hut.
Yeah?
What you have to understand
is sometimes I get mad at you
because I see things in you
that I don't like about myself.
Like I spend too much
time in the chemistry lab,
and I know that.
And I want you to
be more active.
To be to have friends in
ways that I never could.
So I... I got you something.
Huh?
Picked these up at
the summit mall.
I think they are going to work.
I think you are going
to look more impressive
and you might find
it fulfilling.
I don't know.
Hey, who knows.
Maybe... maybe some girl will
take an interest in you.
Huh?
Yeah?
Right?
Ok.
Ok.
Quiet
everyone, just be quiet.
That's it.
Thank you.
Your senior year
American history class
will be focusing on the federal
government and our presidents.
So who here can tell me why
history is so important?
Anyone.
No one?
You.
You, over there, why is
history so important?
I don't know.
What?
I don't...
people,
please speak up.
I can't hear... again.
It's important.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Ok.
Everyone quiet.
Thank you.
I'll take this one.
People, the reason
history is so important,
is you truly will never know
yourselves until you come
to better understand your past.
All right turn to page
ten in your textbooks.
...Spacious skies
for Amber waves of grain.
For purple mountains majesty
above the fruited plain.
America,
thank you.
Very nice melody.
Beautiful, as always.
Next up, Jeff dahmer.
Jeff dahmer?
Blegh!
Bleaagh!
Bleh!
He's a real dumber.
Oh, shoot.
We have to go to class!
I say things like that.
Do I say whatever
is on my mind?
What's the deal with dahmer?
I know, is he insane or what?
I think he's
kind of hilarious.
Yeah that's new.
Hey, I heard he
spazzed in math too.
Yeah.
All week he's been "doing
a dahmer," I call it.
Never really spoken to him.
We rally in tennis
but like, that's it.
He's out there.
Oh, shit.
I hope he didn't hear you.
Dahmer.
Hey, man.
Do you want to come
sit at our table?
No reason that a
champion spazzer
had got to sit here in hell.
Come on over, we've got...
we've got courtyard views.
Come on.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
Kuddos for your
freaking spazzes dude.
Totally classic.
Yeah.
We dig it.
Where'd you get the idea?
Like, you know what
it reminds me of?
This decorator in
town my parents hired.
Used to have these little
fits in our living room
until... you know...
they just fired him.
Oh yeah, Mr. burlman.
My parents hired him too.
Yeah, see I knew it.
Yeah, but after
five months, all he added
was a pink footstool.
And Lacy drapes.
Dahmer, where have you been?
I think we should form
a dahmer fan club.
What?
Yeah, like, I mean,
there's just...
there's only so much time left.
I think we you as our
fearless leader, we can...
we can really
disrupt the school.
Go out in style.
Yeah, in infamy.
Yeah if we don't, I might
have to do something crazy,
like kill the pope.
Dahmer, look.
I already drew you actually.
This one's called "dahmer
and a bag of groceries."
What do you think?
And as part of the
dahmer fan club,
I appoint myself the
minister of propaganda.
Who did that?
Was it you?
Behave yourself.
Or get out of my library.
But I...
don't
even think about it.
So disrespectful.
Not cool.
Despicable.
Who keeps
making that sound?
Guys, guys, guys.
Those girls are aggressively
out of our league.
They're a primo target.
Let's do a dahmer.
Hurricane drought!
God, where is it?
Mom?
Yeah.
- I have good news.
- Good.
What is it?
I have
friends coming over.
It's
in here, I know it.
What are you doing?
Oh, nothing.
I... I thought you stopped.
Oh these?
I've been taking these since
I was pregnant with you.
In a way they're good
enough for you to take.
Is it down under...
go back.
Go... go back to the doctor.
Go back to the doctor.
I don't... oh, god no.
I hate the doctor.
Doctor always tells
me what to do.
Just like you, just like you.
I thought you,
I thought you stopped.
Look down there.
How could you listen
to that punk crap?
Seriously.
- Rocket from the tombs?
- Yeah.
They're from right
down the street.
Better than that kid
shit that Mike listens to.
And the folk-y polk-y
stuff you listen to.
Fuck off.
Hello.
Hi.
Why don't we
hang out outside.
But I thought we
were gonna listen
to these bootlegs in your den.
But my mom is sleeping.
So?
And I'm kind
of embarrassed
by the pink footstool
and the Lacy "dwapes."
Are you in the new club?
What?
That's my brother.
Get lost Dave.
Um, so does Lisa Watkins
still live down the street?
Cause I heard she didn't
move out after graduation.
Are you two friends?
She doesn't know I exist.
Great.
I've got a great idea.
Hi, I'm here
for the interview.
Excuse me?
They said that you
would do an interview.
I'm with the William dawes
high school newspaper.
The lantern?
Yeah.
We're doing a story on
past homecoming queens.
Love to talk to you.
Guess I could
spare ten minutes.
Cool.
Um, so first I
just want to ask...
how does it feel now that
you know that the best years
of your life are behind you?
You were prom queen, now you're
what are you even doing here?
Wait a sec.
Is this some kind of joke?
No, it's not a joke.
I want to know how that feels.
...You live, like,
a miserable existence
now that high school is over.
I'm sorry.
Wait, please come back.
I need answers.
That was awesome!
That was so good.
Is dahmer your muse?
What?
Is dahmer your muse?
Oh.
No.
Sure looks like it.
No, he's not.
Wanna see?
This is dahmer as a coat hanger.
You're talented.
Thanks.
Why don't
you sketch me?
I can draw you.
Ok.
Prove it.
Yeah.
All right.
Stand up and lay on the floor.
Lay on the floor.
And act dead.
Keep reading.
There.
Tada.
There's sunfish.
Whatever we catch,
we've got to throw back.
You guys hear Victor
cramer's mom caught
him masturbating with a vacuum
what?
Yeah.
Is he all right?
I don't know.
With a vacuum, how?
I don't know.
Supposedly he just stuck his
wanker in the front half.
How else would you
masturbate with a vacuum?
Fuck.
Ouch.
What's the difference
between parsley and pussy?
What?
No one eats parsley.
Hey.
You got one?
Here.
Ok.
Use this to cut him
loose, and then throw
him right back, all right?
Just cut him right off the line.
Just cut the line Jeff.
Hey.
Jeff, what the hell.
I said throw him back.
Sorry.
Why'd you do that?
I just wanted to see
what its insides looked like.
Just get rid of it, ok?
I feel utterly
left out right now.
Why?
Not playing tic-tac-toe.
Do you want to play
tic-tac-toe with three people?
Wait, that doesn't
even make sense.
- Ok.
- Thank you.
Neil.
Neil's here.
Good.
Yeah, Ashley just
aggressively rejected me.
That was fun.
What?
I went up to her after...
I went up to her after class.
I was like, so you're in the
lit club, and she's like, yeah.
I'm like, who's your
favorite author?
So goes, James Joyce.
I'm like, yeah I've
read quite a bit.
I said that.
Worst part is, I have to...
I have to shoot her for
the yearbook tomorrow.
She's in the lit club.
You have to shoot her?
I totally forgot
you had to do that.
I've got an idea.
What if we put me
in all the photos?
Like, if we sneak you
into the club pictures?
Uh huh.
Like you're just
in every club.
Yes.
That's the funniest
thing I've ever heard.
I think you might
be a genius Jeff.
- Wait do it...
- you might be a...
...everyone's smiling,
everyone's smiling.
You're gonna be a real...
...it's my picture time.
Wait.
I love it.
Okay, this is everyone
from the rock climbing club,
correct?
Good job, bro.
Ok, looking good.
All right, let me focus.
Ok, come on.
Wait, back up, back up, back up.
Hey Jeff.
Hey.
Ready, smile!
He's not in
national honor society.
Shut your pie hole.
Everybody ready,
one, two, three.
Hey dad, um, I
joined a lot of new clubs.
I think you'd be proud.
That is great news.
This doesn't
belong there.
This.
This doesn't belong here.
Hi kids.
Jesus Christ.
Why do I always
have to do this?
I'm working on that.
Yeah.
Joyce, give that back.
Give it back.
Yo.
Can I put my feet?
Yeah, yeah.
That's the pink footstool.
My formulas
are in there.
I... I got a job.
- My formulas.
- No, look.
- Did you know that?
I'm working in a group therapy.
A group therapy group.
I am finishing
something, please.
I'm not finished.
Hand it over!
I'm not finished!
It's nothing,
they do that a lot.
What did he tell
your parents there, Brian.
Huh?
What did he tell them?
What did Lionel
tell your parents?
What?
You!
What did he tell your parents?
Oh.
The Stevens, he told
the Steven's something.
What did he tell them?
Oh the st...
I'm not as Steven's... the
Steven's are not my parents.
Uh huh.
Sure.
- What did he tell your parents?
- Mom.
- What?
- Mom
- nothing.
- This is derf.
Jesus, Joyce, will you
just leave the kids out of it,
please?
Get off.
I have a job.
I don't need you.
I'm sorry.
That's ok.
Um... I realize I have...
I have to run to
dinner with my parents.
Um, but I'll see you
in school, dahmer.
Yeah.
Don't let fame
go to your head.
I am in charge of
the front desk for them.
Oh yes,
someone hired you to be
- in charge of the front desk.
- Bye sweetheart.
You tell your
parents I said hello.
Did they?
Yes.
Hope you have a great day.
Thanks.
You guys are
here just in time.
Just ended my shift.
Holy hell.
Look at those.
My boss is...
look at those, look at those.
You talk about them like
they're little babies.
They are little babies.
Could you do
something about it?
It's disgusting.
Please.
What's going on?
Do you have any
respect for property?
You need a sense of
decency, young man.
What's your name?
You're gonna have
to pay for that.
Mr... Mr. bakderf.
Is this your doing?
Oh god.
Oh there he is.
Hey.
Oh, shit.
Oh.
You get fired?
Almost.
I had to beg him not to fire me.
I told him that I wasn't
part of it,
school and oh my gosh.
We can't do that anymore.
Seriously.
In school we can do it.
It's... teachers are zombies.
But these adults are
going to squash us.
Yeah.
All right.
- That was pretty good though.
- It was great.
Wait, wait.
I know that guy.
Doc... Dr. Matthews,
Dr. Matthews.
Hey.
Hey, Michael.
How are your parents?
Deathly ill.
Wait, what?
What's happened?
Nothing, I'm just
jiving with you.
They're fine.
They're solid as a rock.
They're doing good.
Ok, good.
How's your cough?
Uh, my cough went away,
pretty quickly actually.
It did.
Well that's good to hear.
All right Michael.
Gentlemen.
You boys be good, ok?
Ok.
He runs by my house every
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Ok.
Well he grabs my
balls when I cough.
Beat that, faggot.
Shotgun!
Who's over, Jeff?
One of your friends?
No.
I bought it!
What?
- It was only 2000 miles.
- With what?
I financed it, of course.
How?
What do you mean,
I have my name on the...
on the checkbook.
Yeah, right.
I can't... just give
me the checkbook.
You know that was for groceries
and things around the house.
- I can't believe you did this...
- right, right.
Which is why you would have said
no if I wanted to buy the car.
You are taking
that back tomorrow.
Forget it.
Over my dead body.
I bought it.
I need a drink.
It's mine.
Hi honey.
How was school?
School.
Huh.
I like your car.
Well I'll be.
Thank you.
I like it too.
You hear that?
That's a red-eyed vireo.
Or a black-billed cuckoo.
Either way, they, um...
they only nest in the
same spot for one year.
Not entirety.
...That in and
of itself isolates
us from the rest of the world.
It's like a microcosm
of our foreign policy.
You know what I mean?
You're a pseudo-intellectual.
What's up, dahmer.
Hey.
Where's your trumpet?
I quit.
What?
When?
Yesterday.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Hey, posers.
Hey, Figg.
How's business?
Want me to kick
your fucking teeth in?
Hey, check it out.
My dad brought it
back from Germany.
Your dad fought the Nazis?
No, he was one.
Cut a Jew's throat with it.
Hey, check it out.
Ok.
Bye Figg.
- All right, Figg.
See ya.
Dahmer.
Come on.
Come on.
Stay away from that kid.
He's a total psycho.
Hey, so where's that spot?
Up here further.
All right,
well we're gonna have
to find an animal then, huh?
Here.
Hold this.
Here, try it.
We're hunting "wabbits."
- It's duck season.
- Wabbit season.
I swiped it from my
dad he doesn't need it.
He just used it to
fucking threaten
my mom for no fucking reason.
So it's mine now, you know?
Fuck him.
You know they shut
the water off at my house.
Last week.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Here.
Your turn.
No.
Come on.
No guns.
Aw.
Come on.
Truman shared
the same view of politics
as James Madison,
150 years earlier.
How so?
Mr. dahmer.
So glad you could join us.
What
the hell is he doing?
Go ahead Scott.
Do you smell that?
Yeah.
He reeks.
Ok, people.
Permission slips for next
week's Washington DC trip
are due on my desk tomorrow.
Every parent must sign one.
It sucks being a virgin.
Guys, I want to get in a puss.
Dahmer.
You wanna see my drawing?
Sure.
It's you as king Kong on
the Washington monument.
That's not just a large wang.
The most phallic symbol
in our nation's capitol.
The Washington monument.
Our fan club has to
make our mark on DC.
Let's spazz on
the white house lawn.
No.
We can't get on
the white house lawn.
Dahmer, they have like, fences.
Wait, I have an idea.
Charlie.
Charlie, hey.
So, we were thinking, since
you're the token black
in our class, why don't you try
and use Neil's super-8 camera
and we can film you
doing the Martin
Luther king "I have
a dream" speech,
right at the Lincoln memorial.
I play football,
bakderf, not charades.
John bakderf
and a Neil Davis.
Jeffrey dahmer
and Charlie Smith.
Dahmer.
We're right here.
Uh, if he tries to rape you
in the middle of the night,
just knock.
Ok.
So we're roommates, huh?
Yep.
"Three's company" is so obvious.
Huh?
Mr. roper.
He's an idiot.
Taxi's on in a few.
Is it hard being the
only black guy in our class?
Nah.
Your palms are less black.
I wonder, are your insides
the same as my insides?
Like, your stomach is the
same color as my stomach?
It's totally bogus we didn't
get to meet the president.
Why didn't we just stay in Ohio
and meet our state senators?
I dare you.
- To what?
- Call Carter.
See if he's free.
Jeff, please.
What's the worst
thing that can happen?
Ok, what about vice
president mondale?
That's impossible.
If you want to.
This is pointless.
It's our last day here,
we should get lunch.
Hi, can you
connect me to the vice
President of the United States?
Yeah, his office please.
Thank you.
It's ringing.
What?
It's ringing.
Hello?
Yes, we're from William
dawes high in Ohio.
Just in the middle of nowhere.
Yes, we're honor students, and
part of the school newspaper,
and we're very
interested in politics.
And we were wondering if we
could interview you as an aide
to the vice president
of the United States?
Yes.
Uh huh.
We are... one minute...
on constitutional Avenue.
Uh huh.
Ok.
Great.
Great.
We're in.
We're in.
What?
Come on.
Dahmer's got balls,
man, he's slick.
We have an
appointment in an hour.
So you get to sit in meetings
with the vice president?
Sometimes.
Really?
Where is his office?
Well, wait!
Mr. vice president.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Just a second.
These kids are
with the newspaper,
their school newspaper from...
Ohio.
Ohio.
That's a great state.
Our fellow midwesterners,
I'm from Minnesota.
So you want to pursue journalism
when you grow up, or what?
Well I want to draw
cartoons, but not for TV.
I want to draw comics.
Well that's great,
as long as you don't draw
any political ones about me.
I won't do that.
Young lady?
I want to be a teacher.
That's nice.
I really don't know.
Don't worry,
you got plenty of time
to figure it out.
Professor?
You know, or my dad wants
me to go into real estate.
What about you?
Biology.
Great.
You ought to pursue that.
I'm sure you'll be happy
no matter what you choose.
You might want to
consider politics.
An admirable
profession, young lady.
Enjoy d. C kids.
Thank you, sir.
Nice to meet you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yes.
Hey.
Dahmer.
I'm professor mondale and
you're gonna have a very
bright future ahead of you.
Thank you, son.
How'd it go?
You all right?
It was great.
You know
that it has been
difficult with your mother.
I don't want to say
anything bad about her.
Just...
is she going
back to the hospital?
Not exactly.
When you were younger...
but then life gets in the...
I work and... so while you were
away, I moved into a motel.
It's just down the block.
I just thought it would be
easier while you were away.
You ok?
It'll be amicable.
Hey, kid.
I know you spoke to your dad.
You ok?
Aw.
Do you want to talk to
somebody about it now?
Hmm.
Ok.
Get some sleep honey.
Hello.
You're running a cold, huh?
I think so.
I've been getting chills.
Well, it's always
good to see your patients.
So, a physical maybe?
Stick out
your tongue, say "ah."
Ah.
Ok.
Tonsils look good.
All right.
Turn your head.
Let's look in those ears.
Do you do surgery?
No.
Why not?
Turn your head.
Well, I like caring
for people, but I'm
not the type of person who wants
to cut someone open, so this.
I almost became a podiatrist.
Less blood.
Yeah.
Exactly.
What about what's
on a patient's mind?
You
mean a psychiatrist?
Ok.
Just relax, ok?
Take a deep breath.
Good.
And another deep breath.
Well, you seem healthy to me.
Now before I weigh you, does
it hurt when you urinate?
Uh, no.
Ok.
And are you sexually active?
What kind?
Sort of.
Well,
you're at that age.
Ok.
Drop your underpants.
Ok.
Cough.
Ok, good.
Cough again.
And cough one more time.
I'm finished.
You can pull up your pants.
Jeff, dinner.
Just... a minute.
Go away.
- Jeff?
- Go away.
Jeffrey was really hot.
Shut up, gross.
No she's not.
Yes.
Neil, your mom's smoking too.
Yeah.
So is that car she drives.
The Jaguar?
The piece of shit?
Your mom's
extraordinarily hot.
Yeah so...
I've jerked off
to your mom before.
Jesus Christ.
Well I've jerked
off in my room,
I've jerked off to
your mom before.
Not going to lie, I have too.
I banged her.
That is true.
- No you didn't.
- Come on derf.
What, you haven't banged
your best friend's mom?
You guys haven't
actually banged
your best friend's mom, right?
You're just messing with me.
Of course not.
Can you believe it?
I wish I
had a best friend.
Jesus, dahmer.
Forgot you were over there.
Freaked me out.
You guys want to head
inside and raid the fridge
before my folks get home?
Put that out?
Just give me one sec.
Come on.
Hold up.
What's dahmer up to?
I don't know.
Something about last weekend
in your clubhouse kinda
creeped me out.
Jeff's a little off, you know?
Well yeah, but that's what
we like about him, right?
Do you guys think that the
way we treat him is mean?
What?
No.
- No.
Why?
Are you sure?
No.
I... I think...
I think he seems to enjoy it.
I think if he didn't want
to, he wouldn't do it.
Right?
What do you think?
I don't know.
I'm cool with it.
Ok.
Who wants the back seat of pain?
Shotgun.
I got shotgun.
They here?
Yes!
Oh, thank god.
Finally, finally.
Have you looked at them?
- Yeah, I snuck a peak.
- What?
- No!
- Sorry.
Check them out.
- Wait.
No, derf, before we open
them we got to get Jeff.
Come on, Neil's
seen them already.
- Nope.
- Jeff's in the photos...
you lost.
Outvoted.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh!
Look.
You see it?
Yeah, I'm seeing it.
That is... holy shit.
Oh good, it's here.
Here, let's see.
So that's... that's
honor society.
Or no, that's debate club,
that's honor society.
What is Jeff dahm...
he is not in any of these clubs.
Who did this?
I took the photos,
but I believe...
- I believe he is in...
- he's not in debate.
He's not here, and
he's not in that...
excuse me, what are you...
oh no.
Wait, what are you...
its that really necessary?
I just...
I'm not... I'm not
being irrational.
It's just that he cannot...
mom?
He can't take my son.
Mom.
Why does he even want Dave?
He can't take care of Dave.
What's he going to do?
What's he gonna do with him?
Mom.
I don't know.
I just think that
you've somehow gotten
into a scenario where you're
somehow representing him
and not me.
Whose lawyer are you?
I'm not getting... I'm
not getting heated.
I'm just saying,
whose lawyer are you?
Aren't you supposed
to be representing me?
No.
Ok.
So if he has the
house then I get Dave.
Go on, go.
Get!
Go!
Get!
Just talk to
your dad before you
spend the day with him, ok?
So just... this is what you
want to surprise me with?
You know
what's not a surprise?
The face that you're
45 minutes late.
- That's not a surprise.
- I'm not leaving the kids.
You know the kids.
Oh that's right, you
don't know about the kids
because you're not
at home anymore.
What is this, some big surprise?
What do you think you want
me to do with these, huh?
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
You want custody of
David, is that right?
Stay in the car.
Give it to me.
I don't give a shit.
Hey, hey, hey.
Private issue.
Excuse me, sir.
Boys, just come
out of the car, please.
Jeffrey, come on.
Too late.
Ok.
All right.
Ok, all right.
All right.
Ok.
Now I remember.
Hey, man
how are you doing?
Well, would you lookie here,
the rah rah bender extreme.
Yeah, what else do
you think we'd be doing?
Lightweights?
Be home playing snare
drum or something.
It's no more active than
standing on the sidelines.
Good one.
You're all right for a turd.
Where's your
mascot, dumb dahmer?
He's not here.
What are you gonna be
a prom date, bekderkf?
No, but your mom might.
She can fit in a prom dress.
Dahmer's like your
little court Jester.
Except he's not hanging out
with you guys much anymore,
now is he.
The fan club still lives on.
Really?
Cause it looks like
he ditched you.
We'll get him to show up
for what?
He's doing a rocking
command performance.
Yeah, he'll ante up for sure.
I doubt it.
But really we should...
we should get him
to spazz to the Max.
Yeah, but derf, he hasn't
spazzed in, like, weeks.
I don't think he's into...
yeah but what about...
I have 5 bucks, I can pay him.
I mean, it gets him
out on a Saturday.
Ok I'm in.
Come on that will be so killer.
- $5.
That'll be killer.
$5
hey, Jeff.
Hey.
So.
Dahmer fanclub has a new idea.
Basically, we're going
to go to the mall,
and you're going to
spazz like crazy.
Just the craziest spazz...
why don't you just
leave him alone.
He's not a sideshow attraction.
Leave him alone?
It's gonna be fun.
I have about $32 for
you, but by Saturday I
will probably have a ton more.
So take it, and this can be like
your final command performance.
It's gonna be totally awesome.
We're gonna go out in style.
You in?
Awesome.
You excited?
Mmhmm, yeah.
Awesome yes!
So, is coming?
Uh, yeah.
He said he was.
How about burowski
and gunsler?
Oh, burowski's...
burowski didn't pay.
Um, but gunsler
said he was coming.
Jeez, dahmer.
Never seen you drink
like that before.
Here I am.
Where are we
meeting these idiots?
Um, we're going to meet them
by the lockers at fatties.
Ok, about time.
Sorry guys.
Money?
You've got money, money, money?
Thank you for coming.
Here we go.
Cash, cash, cash, cash.
All right, that's about $15.
Not bad.
All right, let's get
this show on the road.
All right.
I now present to you, Jeff.
Jeffrey.
For this, I'm Jeffrey.
Ok.
Then I present to
you, Jeffrey dahmer,
in his command performance.
Gladly.
Hey man.
Get off me, man.
It's just my medicine.
It's just medicine.
I'm so hungry!
Hey!
Hey kid.
Get out.
Out.
Leave.
Here I am!
That was awesome.
Oh, hi honey.
Hey, guess what?
The divorce is final.
Your dad got the house.
I gotta go to grandma's
with your brother,
but I need you not to tell
your dad that we're going.
Ok, can I count on you to...
to not tell your
dad that I'm going?
For me.
I won't.
Dead animals probably
turn up all the time.
No, this was a
specific incident.
It was creepy.
And you know what...
it's not creepy.
I bet it was a
coh-ven of witches.
- Coven.
- You mean a coven?
- It's coven?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Whatever.
There's been a reported
rise in satanic witch cults.
According to what?
According to who?
What?
Where?
Everyone.
All right, you know
what you should do?
You should get one
of the witch cults
to wish in their cauldron
to get you a prom date.
Piss off.
Hey dahmer, Mike's
looking for a prom date.
Oh yeah, and derf's planning
to put you up for prom king.
No I'm not.
It doesn't matter.
There isn't a girl within
50 miles of the place who
would go to prom with dahmer.
No?
Bridget.
Hello.
Hi.
I know we don't
know each other too well...
not really.
Um.
I heard your friend, um,
Margaret was going to the prom?
Yeah,
with Bryan gunsler.
They're friends from debate.
What are you
doing Saturday?
Some final
papers are due.
Well, do you
want to go to prom?
Oh, with who?
Me.
Oh, um, I don't know.
You can go with me
but spend the time with her.
I don't think that's
a very good idea.
Why?
Look, I'm going
to be late for class, so...
it will be fun.
You're not
going to be weird or...
drink?
No, I won't.
Look.
A lot of upperclassmen
don't know who you are.
But if you to go to the
prom, you will be way
ahead of most of your class.
You want to seem normal, right?
I guess.
A lot of freshmen
just want to be asked.
So it's totally normal
that I thought of you.
I don't know.
Just let me think about it?
I'll talk to my parents.
Ok.
Oh, ok.
Just stand in front of
the backdrop for me.
You guys are my
last ones tonight.
Get closer.
Don't be scared, she's
not going to bite.
And smile.
Oh, look who showed.
Unbelievable.
What is?
Just look.
Thank you.
That was sweet.
I tried.
Can you get us a drink?
Dahmer.
Hey.
It's good to see you here.
Hey, Neil.
Hey, I just
wanted to apologize
for what happened at the mall.
- You weren't there.
- I know.
I couldn't... you know, you
didn't have to do that.
It wasn't bad.
Yeah?
I don't know.
I just...
Neil.
I'm sorry.
You're supposed to
put your hands around my waist.
Hi, derf.
Hey.
Hi, I'm penny.
Um, Bridget.
Congrats.
On what?
We made it.
Oh yeah, right.
I have to pee.
Oh, ok.
Where are you going?
We're going to grandma's.
Today?
You're going to
miss my graduation.
Can I go?
Sweetie, we're not
going to the graduation,
we're going to grandma's.
Honey, your dad's
going to be there,
we can't be in the same room.
You know that.
Hugsies?
Come on.
Oh, wow not even
when I'm going, huh?
Come on, good day.
Keep the smiles on.
Hey baby, put this out for mama.
Take car of your dad, ok?
Smiles up!
Did you hide the keys?
No.
Got them!
Bye honey!
Bye Jeff.
Bye Dave.
Love you, baby!
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Congratulations.
Oh and Jeff...
she's all yours now.
I'm proud of you kid.
Hey.
Mom, I got to go to the grocery
store and pick some stuff up.
Well, honey, I'm about to put
your favorite Hawaiian chicken
in the oven.
Oh.
Well I've got to pick
up my last paycheck.
All right, well
the whole family
- is eating dinner together.
- Ok.
- We're all together.
- I gotta go.
I gotta go.
Jeff?
Hey man.
Greetings.
Baa.
What are you doing?
Are you walking home?
Yeah.
Ok.
You want a ride?
Sure.
What are you up to?
I was just taking the
long way home, because I
leave for college tomorrow.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm taking some art
classes over the summer.
Do you want to come in?
Your house is pretty dark.
Yeah, I've got
it all to myself.
My dad's living with
his girlfriend...
are you bleeding?
No.
That's just, um... um...
paint.
It's paint?
Yeah.
So you're going to Ohio state?
Yeah.
No.
No, I'm going to
Pittsburgh actually.
I'm taking art
classes there, so I'm
very, very excited about that.
What about you?
Oh, Ohio state I think.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
That's great.
That's where Mike's going.
You guys will have fun.
What are you majoring in?
Decorating.
I'm decorating.
I thought you wanted
to major in biology.
Yeah.
Are you ok?
Yep.
We could pop open a beer.
I have a spliff left.
No, I got to get home
soon for dinner with my folks.
Hey, you know what I have?
Check it out.
Is that me?
Yep this is
you as a superhero.
It was supposed to be the
cover of the yearbook,
but it got rejected.
And then this is you as...
I don't know what I was doing...
oh you're a bird feeder.
And this is you as a
flag pole, and then
just a bunch of old ones.
You can have them.
No, I don't want this.
We were just
having fun, you know?
Yeah?
I'm just like anybody else.
Yeah, I know you are.
It's great, it's all great.
We're all doing really
exciting, fun things.
It is great.
How about one beer?
Just one?
And all is forgiven.
Ok.
Ok.
Oh.
Hey.
Um, I think I'm gonna...
I think I should get a move on.
What?
Yeah, I just think
that I should get going.
Sorry, man.
My mom will just kill me if
I don't get home for dinner
on time, so...
I just... yeah.
See you on the
flip side, dahmer.
Ok.
Ok.
All right.
Ok.
Hey.
Hello.
You just get out of the concert?
Yeah.
Great show.
Where are you headed?
I made it this far.
I'm headed back to akron.
You want to
party some more?
Sure.
All right, get in.
My name is Jeffrey.
Steven Hicks.
Nice to meet you.
Yes.
Is this person living?
Yes.
Is this person famous?
Sort of.
Would I know this person?
No.
Is this person a boy?
Yes.
Does this person live
anywhere near here?
No.
Hey, who was that?
Why are you standing?
Hey kid, get in your seat.
Get in your seat.
(Speaking with speech
We could frame
this whole wall of windows
with drapes.
Oh... oh that's...
that's an idea.
Jeff!
What are you doing home?
I thought you were at tennis.
Mom, I told you,
tennis season is over.
Oh.
Oh sorry, Jeff.
This is Mr. burlman.
He's my new interior designer.
Jeff, this is... this is Mr...
Mr. burlman.
Nice
to meet you, Jeff.
Don't... don't...
don't be alarmed by that.
- It's just a little...
- palsy.
- Palsy.
- Yeah.
Just a little palsy.
Don't you do that.
He's a very talented designer.
Oh.
I heard that, Mrs. dahmer.
Thank you very much.
These windows...
super talented.
Spectacular.
Have I told you I found these
very sort of Lacy drapes?
Oh, I don't know...
"dwapes."
Come on, I don't want
to miss monty python.
You
know what I mean?
Say no more, say no more.
Hey dahmer, what's in the bag?
Dead cat?
Well, I'm
going to dissolve it.
Huh?
In some acid.
What?
So full of crap.
Where did you get acid?
My dad's a chemist.
Got my hands on it easy.
Yeah right.
Well, come see if
you don't believe me.
The acid's kind of weak,
so takes about a month
for the flesh to dissolve.
Why are you doing this?
I like bones.
It interests me what's inside.
This is a bunch of bull crap.
Dead animals, acid.
Bet these jars are full of
nothing but muddy water.
Found this about a
month ago on Hampton road.
The flesh is almost
completely dissolved now.
Yeah right.
God, dahmer, you
are such a freak.
How was your day, dad?
Oh, uneventful.
Mr. demison read more
from Charlotte's web today...
is there a stronger
chemical I can use?
Something that works faster?
About the hut, Jeff...
let your brother talk!
Go ahead.
It's about a spider
that talks to a pig
named wilbur, who's going to
be slaughtered by a butcher.
Oh my, well, let
me think on that, Jeff.
Uh uh, let your
brother have the leg.
But he...
I like the dark meat.
There's
plenty of white meat.
Give the leg to your brother.
Ah, it looks delicious.
How about...
so uh... how was...
what, tennis Jeff?
Tennis ended a week ago.
But I have a chance to
be second in singles.
Next year.
Well, I don't
know, next year maybe
you should, you know,
take up a team sport.
The potatoes.
...Or join a club.
I'm bringing
the potatoes!
Well, I'm in
marching band at school.
I know, but
I just... new things
offer new opportunities
for friends.
And friends, yeah, are our
connection with this world.
Um, mom?
Chicken's red inside.
Oh, no it's not.
Yes, Joyce it is.
Yeah.
Well, you
don't like my cooking?
No, that's...
that's what's
going on here,
you don't like my cooking?
Well that's ok, new house rule.
We eat our mistakes.
Do you want a potato?
Sure.
That's what I thought.
Some people
appreciate my cooking.
Out of the way, dahmer.
Dumb ass.
Mr. John beckter.
You matched chloropods?
Yeah, we were just...
gather yourself.
Ms. bowles, come on.
Now.
Freaking bully.
Over there with Jeff.
Now.
Jeff, stay on the same slide,
give Mr. bekderf a look.
Hey.
I'm going away this summer
to a wilderness camp,
but in exchange my dad
said I can get tickets
to the Neil sedaka concert.
He's my favorite.
I know.
Wanna go?
Um, sure.
Hey kid, you're in my spot.
Move!
Over here.
Everyone!
Quiet.
Now I'm only talking to the
seniors, so the rest of you
just keep your traps shut.
As you know, I'm on the
prom planning committee,
and we've put our hearts
into the event which
is right around the corner.
- Hey, faggot.
- It's going to be...
stop that!
Big, let me go.
Voting for prom king...
voting for... uh...
ends this Friday!
It's going to be the best prom
ever, and just a reminder...
Frankie Jr. stop that!
...Paying for some
crony Joyce!
Shut up.
Next week you're
going to be into...
- pottery.
- Next week?
You don't even know what's
happening next week.
You know what next week is?
When I go back to work.
Oh yeah.
How are you
going back to work?
I'm going back to work.
Our boy is going to let
himself into the house.
David's eleven.
He is eleven and
that's just about time.
I'm telling you.
What, you know, the
girls are doing it.
They're all going back to work.
They're not even coming home
on the weekends sometimes.
All the girls
are doing that because...
what?
...They're
not less than a year
out of the mental hospital.
- That's mean.
- Joyce.
That's totally mean.
Are they going
to hit each other?
You're really
going to say that to me?
No.
They just argue.
Don't make
me say it Joyce.
- Make you say what?
- Just leave it alone.
Make you say what?
Joyce, it's
because a month ago
you saw a ufo flying
down the street
and you chased after it...
that sounds excellent.
The horns were pitch perfect.
You play like that at
our year-end recital,
and we're going to blow
scalps off the audience.
Once again from the top.
Three, four.
Hey, faggot!
There you are.
You've been avoiding us all day.
Hey Jeff.
Come to save the day, dumber?
Uh, no.
What, are you going
to defend this homo
with your trumpet case?
I've got a trumpet
you can blow.
No, I was just going
to tell him something.
Well then, go ahead.
It's nothing.
Jeff, I got the Neil sadaka
tickets for this Saturday.
My dad said he'd pick you up
around 5:00 this Saturday.
Hey, Dave.
Where's your brother?
I think he's in his lab.
Been there for hours.
And your mother?
Hey, Joyce?
Yeah, we need to
talk about Jeff.
God dammit.
Dad?
You're never home this early.
That's enough, Jeff.
Hey!
Dad.
No.
You are spending too
much time in here.
Don't.
No, you know I let
you have a pet cemetery when
you were a kid and now this.
Dad!
Don't!
No.
You need to get out.
Get out of your shell.
Yeah?
Something more normal.
I'm in the school band.
You are not hearing me.
I don't... I don't
know what happened.
I do know, this...
I'm closing this down.
No more.
I'm taking it down.
Do you understand?
Enough.
Jeff.
Enough.
...Trapped in this
wasteland for another year.
I know.
Senior year is
usually going to suck.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait, time out.
- You ok?
- Oh!
Skye!
Are you kidding me?
No that doesn't count.
That's really fun.
Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
Are you in an
after school program?
No, not right now.
Tennis just ended.
Yeah, and marching
band is only in the fall.
Well, then
get off school grounds.
- Ok.
- Day's over.
All right.
Can't be
hanging around...
- ok.
...With nothing to do.
Sorry.
Hey
yeah, we're going.
Trying to catch a buzz?
Seven bucks.
It's good.
Really good stuff, skunky.
I've got more if
you want it, too.
What's with the bag?
I have to pick up road
kill, but I'm trying to quit.
I can get you road kill, man.
Stick with me.
Hey you guys!
You guys trying to catch a buzz?
What are you doing?
Studying for finals.
Uh, can I have a minute?
Ok look, Jeff.
The hut.
Yeah?
What you have to understand
is sometimes I get mad at you
because I see things in you
that I don't like about myself.
Like I spend too much
time in the chemistry lab,
and I know that.
And I want you to
be more active.
To be to have friends in
ways that I never could.
So I... I got you something.
Huh?
Picked these up at
the summit mall.
I think they are going to work.
I think you are going
to look more impressive
and you might find
it fulfilling.
I don't know.
Hey, who knows.
Maybe... maybe some girl will
take an interest in you.
Huh?
Yeah?
Right?
Ok.
Ok.
Quiet
everyone, just be quiet.
That's it.
Thank you.
Your senior year
American history class
will be focusing on the federal
government and our presidents.
So who here can tell me why
history is so important?
Anyone.
No one?
You.
You, over there, why is
history so important?
I don't know.
What?
I don't...
people,
please speak up.
I can't hear... again.
It's important.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Ok.
Everyone quiet.
Thank you.
I'll take this one.
People, the reason
history is so important,
is you truly will never know
yourselves until you come
to better understand your past.
All right turn to page
ten in your textbooks.
...Spacious skies
for Amber waves of grain.
For purple mountains majesty
above the fruited plain.
America,
thank you.
Very nice melody.
Beautiful, as always.
Next up, Jeff dahmer.
Jeff dahmer?
Blegh!
Bleaagh!
Bleh!
He's a real dumber.
Oh, shoot.
We have to go to class!
I say things like that.
Do I say whatever
is on my mind?
What's the deal with dahmer?
I know, is he insane or what?
I think he's
kind of hilarious.
Yeah that's new.
Hey, I heard he
spazzed in math too.
Yeah.
All week he's been "doing
a dahmer," I call it.
Never really spoken to him.
We rally in tennis
but like, that's it.
He's out there.
Oh, shit.
I hope he didn't hear you.
Dahmer.
Hey, man.
Do you want to come
sit at our table?
No reason that a
champion spazzer
had got to sit here in hell.
Come on over, we've got...
we've got courtyard views.
Come on.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
Kuddos for your
freaking spazzes dude.
Totally classic.
Yeah.
We dig it.
Where'd you get the idea?
Like, you know what
it reminds me of?
This decorator in
town my parents hired.
Used to have these little
fits in our living room
until... you know...
they just fired him.
Oh yeah, Mr. burlman.
My parents hired him too.
Yeah, see I knew it.
Yeah, but after
five months, all he added
was a pink footstool.
And Lacy drapes.
Dahmer, where have you been?
I think we should form
a dahmer fan club.
What?
Yeah, like, I mean,
there's just...
there's only so much time left.
I think we you as our
fearless leader, we can...
we can really
disrupt the school.
Go out in style.
Yeah, in infamy.
Yeah if we don't, I might
have to do something crazy,
like kill the pope.
Dahmer, look.
I already drew you actually.
This one's called "dahmer
and a bag of groceries."
What do you think?
And as part of the
dahmer fan club,
I appoint myself the
minister of propaganda.
Who did that?
Was it you?
Behave yourself.
Or get out of my library.
But I...
don't
even think about it.
So disrespectful.
Not cool.
Despicable.
Who keeps
making that sound?
Guys, guys, guys.
Those girls are aggressively
out of our league.
They're a primo target.
Let's do a dahmer.
Hurricane drought!
God, where is it?
Mom?
Yeah.
- I have good news.
- Good.
What is it?
I have
friends coming over.
It's
in here, I know it.
What are you doing?
Oh, nothing.
I... I thought you stopped.
Oh these?
I've been taking these since
I was pregnant with you.
In a way they're good
enough for you to take.
Is it down under...
go back.
Go... go back to the doctor.
Go back to the doctor.
I don't... oh, god no.
I hate the doctor.
Doctor always tells
me what to do.
Just like you, just like you.
I thought you,
I thought you stopped.
Look down there.
How could you listen
to that punk crap?
Seriously.
- Rocket from the tombs?
- Yeah.
They're from right
down the street.
Better than that kid
shit that Mike listens to.
And the folk-y polk-y
stuff you listen to.
Fuck off.
Hello.
Hi.
Why don't we
hang out outside.
But I thought we
were gonna listen
to these bootlegs in your den.
But my mom is sleeping.
So?
And I'm kind
of embarrassed
by the pink footstool
and the Lacy "dwapes."
Are you in the new club?
What?
That's my brother.
Get lost Dave.
Um, so does Lisa Watkins
still live down the street?
Cause I heard she didn't
move out after graduation.
Are you two friends?
She doesn't know I exist.
Great.
I've got a great idea.
Hi, I'm here
for the interview.
Excuse me?
They said that you
would do an interview.
I'm with the William dawes
high school newspaper.
The lantern?
Yeah.
We're doing a story on
past homecoming queens.
Love to talk to you.
Guess I could
spare ten minutes.
Cool.
Um, so first I
just want to ask...
how does it feel now that
you know that the best years
of your life are behind you?
You were prom queen, now you're
what are you even doing here?
Wait a sec.
Is this some kind of joke?
No, it's not a joke.
I want to know how that feels.
...You live, like,
a miserable existence
now that high school is over.
I'm sorry.
Wait, please come back.
I need answers.
That was awesome!
That was so good.
Is dahmer your muse?
What?
Is dahmer your muse?
Oh.
No.
Sure looks like it.
No, he's not.
Wanna see?
This is dahmer as a coat hanger.
You're talented.
Thanks.
Why don't
you sketch me?
I can draw you.
Ok.
Prove it.
Yeah.
All right.
Stand up and lay on the floor.
Lay on the floor.
And act dead.
Keep reading.
There.
Tada.
There's sunfish.
Whatever we catch,
we've got to throw back.
You guys hear Victor
cramer's mom caught
him masturbating with a vacuum
what?
Yeah.
Is he all right?
I don't know.
With a vacuum, how?
I don't know.
Supposedly he just stuck his
wanker in the front half.
How else would you
masturbate with a vacuum?
Fuck.
Ouch.
What's the difference
between parsley and pussy?
What?
No one eats parsley.
Hey.
You got one?
Here.
Ok.
Use this to cut him
loose, and then throw
him right back, all right?
Just cut him right off the line.
Just cut the line Jeff.
Hey.
Jeff, what the hell.
I said throw him back.
Sorry.
Why'd you do that?
I just wanted to see
what its insides looked like.
Just get rid of it, ok?
I feel utterly
left out right now.
Why?
Not playing tic-tac-toe.
Do you want to play
tic-tac-toe with three people?
Wait, that doesn't
even make sense.
- Ok.
- Thank you.
Neil.
Neil's here.
Good.
Yeah, Ashley just
aggressively rejected me.
That was fun.
What?
I went up to her after...
I went up to her after class.
I was like, so you're in the
lit club, and she's like, yeah.
I'm like, who's your
favorite author?
So goes, James Joyce.
I'm like, yeah I've
read quite a bit.
I said that.
Worst part is, I have to...
I have to shoot her for
the yearbook tomorrow.
She's in the lit club.
You have to shoot her?
I totally forgot
you had to do that.
I've got an idea.
What if we put me
in all the photos?
Like, if we sneak you
into the club pictures?
Uh huh.
Like you're just
in every club.
Yes.
That's the funniest
thing I've ever heard.
I think you might
be a genius Jeff.
- Wait do it...
- you might be a...
...everyone's smiling,
everyone's smiling.
You're gonna be a real...
...it's my picture time.
Wait.
I love it.
Okay, this is everyone
from the rock climbing club,
correct?
Good job, bro.
Ok, looking good.
All right, let me focus.
Ok, come on.
Wait, back up, back up, back up.
Hey Jeff.
Hey.
Ready, smile!
He's not in
national honor society.
Shut your pie hole.
Everybody ready,
one, two, three.
Hey dad, um, I
joined a lot of new clubs.
I think you'd be proud.
That is great news.
This doesn't
belong there.
This.
This doesn't belong here.
Hi kids.
Jesus Christ.
Why do I always
have to do this?
I'm working on that.
Yeah.
Joyce, give that back.
Give it back.
Yo.
Can I put my feet?
Yeah, yeah.
That's the pink footstool.
My formulas
are in there.
I... I got a job.
- My formulas.
- No, look.
- Did you know that?
I'm working in a group therapy.
A group therapy group.
I am finishing
something, please.
I'm not finished.
Hand it over!
I'm not finished!
It's nothing,
they do that a lot.
What did he tell
your parents there, Brian.
Huh?
What did he tell them?
What did Lionel
tell your parents?
What?
You!
What did he tell your parents?
Oh.
The Stevens, he told
the Steven's something.
What did he tell them?
Oh the st...
I'm not as Steven's... the
Steven's are not my parents.
Uh huh.
Sure.
- What did he tell your parents?
- Mom.
- What?
- Mom
- nothing.
- This is derf.
Jesus, Joyce, will you
just leave the kids out of it,
please?
Get off.
I have a job.
I don't need you.
I'm sorry.
That's ok.
Um... I realize I have...
I have to run to
dinner with my parents.
Um, but I'll see you
in school, dahmer.
Yeah.
Don't let fame
go to your head.
I am in charge of
the front desk for them.
Oh yes,
someone hired you to be
- in charge of the front desk.
- Bye sweetheart.
You tell your
parents I said hello.
Did they?
Yes.
Hope you have a great day.
Thanks.
You guys are
here just in time.
Just ended my shift.
Holy hell.
Look at those.
My boss is...
look at those, look at those.
You talk about them like
they're little babies.
They are little babies.
Could you do
something about it?
It's disgusting.
Please.
What's going on?
Do you have any
respect for property?
You need a sense of
decency, young man.
What's your name?
You're gonna have
to pay for that.
Mr... Mr. bakderf.
Is this your doing?
Oh god.
Oh there he is.
Hey.
Oh, shit.
Oh.
You get fired?
Almost.
I had to beg him not to fire me.
I told him that I wasn't
part of it,
school and oh my gosh.
We can't do that anymore.
Seriously.
In school we can do it.
It's... teachers are zombies.
But these adults are
going to squash us.
Yeah.
All right.
- That was pretty good though.
- It was great.
Wait, wait.
I know that guy.
Doc... Dr. Matthews,
Dr. Matthews.
Hey.
Hey, Michael.
How are your parents?
Deathly ill.
Wait, what?
What's happened?
Nothing, I'm just
jiving with you.
They're fine.
They're solid as a rock.
They're doing good.
Ok, good.
How's your cough?
Uh, my cough went away,
pretty quickly actually.
It did.
Well that's good to hear.
All right Michael.
Gentlemen.
You boys be good, ok?
Ok.
He runs by my house every
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Ok.
Well he grabs my
balls when I cough.
Beat that, faggot.
Shotgun!
Who's over, Jeff?
One of your friends?
No.
I bought it!
What?
- It was only 2000 miles.
- With what?
I financed it, of course.
How?
What do you mean,
I have my name on the...
on the checkbook.
Yeah, right.
I can't... just give
me the checkbook.
You know that was for groceries
and things around the house.
- I can't believe you did this...
- right, right.
Which is why you would have said
no if I wanted to buy the car.
You are taking
that back tomorrow.
Forget it.
Over my dead body.
I bought it.
I need a drink.
It's mine.
Hi honey.
How was school?
School.
Huh.
I like your car.
Well I'll be.
Thank you.
I like it too.
You hear that?
That's a red-eyed vireo.
Or a black-billed cuckoo.
Either way, they, um...
they only nest in the
same spot for one year.
Not entirety.
...That in and
of itself isolates
us from the rest of the world.
It's like a microcosm
of our foreign policy.
You know what I mean?
You're a pseudo-intellectual.
What's up, dahmer.
Hey.
Where's your trumpet?
I quit.
What?
When?
Yesterday.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Hey, posers.
Hey, Figg.
How's business?
Want me to kick
your fucking teeth in?
Hey, check it out.
My dad brought it
back from Germany.
Your dad fought the Nazis?
No, he was one.
Cut a Jew's throat with it.
Hey, check it out.
Ok.
Bye Figg.
- All right, Figg.
See ya.
Dahmer.
Come on.
Come on.
Stay away from that kid.
He's a total psycho.
Hey, so where's that spot?
Up here further.
All right,
well we're gonna have
to find an animal then, huh?
Here.
Hold this.
Here, try it.
We're hunting "wabbits."
- It's duck season.
- Wabbit season.
I swiped it from my
dad he doesn't need it.
He just used it to
fucking threaten
my mom for no fucking reason.
So it's mine now, you know?
Fuck him.
You know they shut
the water off at my house.
Last week.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Here.
Your turn.
No.
Come on.
No guns.
Aw.
Come on.
Truman shared
the same view of politics
as James Madison,
150 years earlier.
How so?
Mr. dahmer.
So glad you could join us.
What
the hell is he doing?
Go ahead Scott.
Do you smell that?
Yeah.
He reeks.
Ok, people.
Permission slips for next
week's Washington DC trip
are due on my desk tomorrow.
Every parent must sign one.
It sucks being a virgin.
Guys, I want to get in a puss.
Dahmer.
You wanna see my drawing?
Sure.
It's you as king Kong on
the Washington monument.
That's not just a large wang.
The most phallic symbol
in our nation's capitol.
The Washington monument.
Our fan club has to
make our mark on DC.
Let's spazz on
the white house lawn.
No.
We can't get on
the white house lawn.
Dahmer, they have like, fences.
Wait, I have an idea.
Charlie.
Charlie, hey.
So, we were thinking, since
you're the token black
in our class, why don't you try
and use Neil's super-8 camera
and we can film you
doing the Martin
Luther king "I have
a dream" speech,
right at the Lincoln memorial.
I play football,
bakderf, not charades.
John bakderf
and a Neil Davis.
Jeffrey dahmer
and Charlie Smith.
Dahmer.
We're right here.
Uh, if he tries to rape you
in the middle of the night,
just knock.
Ok.
So we're roommates, huh?
Yep.
"Three's company" is so obvious.
Huh?
Mr. roper.
He's an idiot.
Taxi's on in a few.
Is it hard being the
only black guy in our class?
Nah.
Your palms are less black.
I wonder, are your insides
the same as my insides?
Like, your stomach is the
same color as my stomach?
It's totally bogus we didn't
get to meet the president.
Why didn't we just stay in Ohio
and meet our state senators?
I dare you.
- To what?
- Call Carter.
See if he's free.
Jeff, please.
What's the worst
thing that can happen?
Ok, what about vice
president mondale?
That's impossible.
If you want to.
This is pointless.
It's our last day here,
we should get lunch.
Hi, can you
connect me to the vice
President of the United States?
Yeah, his office please.
Thank you.
It's ringing.
What?
It's ringing.
Hello?
Yes, we're from William
dawes high in Ohio.
Just in the middle of nowhere.
Yes, we're honor students, and
part of the school newspaper,
and we're very
interested in politics.
And we were wondering if we
could interview you as an aide
to the vice president
of the United States?
Yes.
Uh huh.
We are... one minute...
on constitutional Avenue.
Uh huh.
Ok.
Great.
Great.
We're in.
We're in.
What?
Come on.
Dahmer's got balls,
man, he's slick.
We have an
appointment in an hour.
So you get to sit in meetings
with the vice president?
Sometimes.
Really?
Where is his office?
Well, wait!
Mr. vice president.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Just a second.
These kids are
with the newspaper,
their school newspaper from...
Ohio.
Ohio.
That's a great state.
Our fellow midwesterners,
I'm from Minnesota.
So you want to pursue journalism
when you grow up, or what?
Well I want to draw
cartoons, but not for TV.
I want to draw comics.
Well that's great,
as long as you don't draw
any political ones about me.
I won't do that.
Young lady?
I want to be a teacher.
That's nice.
I really don't know.
Don't worry,
you got plenty of time
to figure it out.
Professor?
You know, or my dad wants
me to go into real estate.
What about you?
Biology.
Great.
You ought to pursue that.
I'm sure you'll be happy
no matter what you choose.
You might want to
consider politics.
An admirable
profession, young lady.
Enjoy d. C kids.
Thank you, sir.
Nice to meet you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yes.
Hey.
Dahmer.
I'm professor mondale and
you're gonna have a very
bright future ahead of you.
Thank you, son.
How'd it go?
You all right?
It was great.
You know
that it has been
difficult with your mother.
I don't want to say
anything bad about her.
Just...
is she going
back to the hospital?
Not exactly.
When you were younger...
but then life gets in the...
I work and... so while you were
away, I moved into a motel.
It's just down the block.
I just thought it would be
easier while you were away.
You ok?
It'll be amicable.
Hey, kid.
I know you spoke to your dad.
You ok?
Aw.
Do you want to talk to
somebody about it now?
Hmm.
Ok.
Get some sleep honey.
Hello.
You're running a cold, huh?
I think so.
I've been getting chills.
Well, it's always
good to see your patients.
So, a physical maybe?
Stick out
your tongue, say "ah."
Ah.
Ok.
Tonsils look good.
All right.
Turn your head.
Let's look in those ears.
Do you do surgery?
No.
Why not?
Turn your head.
Well, I like caring
for people, but I'm
not the type of person who wants
to cut someone open, so this.
I almost became a podiatrist.
Less blood.
Yeah.
Exactly.
What about what's
on a patient's mind?
You
mean a psychiatrist?
Ok.
Just relax, ok?
Take a deep breath.
Good.
And another deep breath.
Well, you seem healthy to me.
Now before I weigh you, does
it hurt when you urinate?
Uh, no.
Ok.
And are you sexually active?
What kind?
Sort of.
Well,
you're at that age.
Ok.
Drop your underpants.
Ok.
Cough.
Ok, good.
Cough again.
And cough one more time.
I'm finished.
You can pull up your pants.
Jeff, dinner.
Just... a minute.
Go away.
- Jeff?
- Go away.
Jeffrey was really hot.
Shut up, gross.
No she's not.
Yes.
Neil, your mom's smoking too.
Yeah.
So is that car she drives.
The Jaguar?
The piece of shit?
Your mom's
extraordinarily hot.
Yeah so...
I've jerked off
to your mom before.
Jesus Christ.
Well I've jerked
off in my room,
I've jerked off to
your mom before.
Not going to lie, I have too.
I banged her.
That is true.
- No you didn't.
- Come on derf.
What, you haven't banged
your best friend's mom?
You guys haven't
actually banged
your best friend's mom, right?
You're just messing with me.
Of course not.
Can you believe it?
I wish I
had a best friend.
Jesus, dahmer.
Forgot you were over there.
Freaked me out.
You guys want to head
inside and raid the fridge
before my folks get home?
Put that out?
Just give me one sec.
Come on.
Hold up.
What's dahmer up to?
I don't know.
Something about last weekend
in your clubhouse kinda
creeped me out.
Jeff's a little off, you know?
Well yeah, but that's what
we like about him, right?
Do you guys think that the
way we treat him is mean?
What?
No.
- No.
Why?
Are you sure?
No.
I... I think...
I think he seems to enjoy it.
I think if he didn't want
to, he wouldn't do it.
Right?
What do you think?
I don't know.
I'm cool with it.
Ok.
Who wants the back seat of pain?
Shotgun.
I got shotgun.
They here?
Yes!
Oh, thank god.
Finally, finally.
Have you looked at them?
- Yeah, I snuck a peak.
- What?
- No!
- Sorry.
Check them out.
- Wait.
No, derf, before we open
them we got to get Jeff.
Come on, Neil's
seen them already.
- Nope.
- Jeff's in the photos...
you lost.
Outvoted.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh!
Look.
You see it?
Yeah, I'm seeing it.
That is... holy shit.
Oh good, it's here.
Here, let's see.
So that's... that's
honor society.
Or no, that's debate club,
that's honor society.
What is Jeff dahm...
he is not in any of these clubs.
Who did this?
I took the photos,
but I believe...
- I believe he is in...
- he's not in debate.
He's not here, and
he's not in that...
excuse me, what are you...
oh no.
Wait, what are you...
its that really necessary?
I just...
I'm not... I'm not
being irrational.
It's just that he cannot...
mom?
He can't take my son.
Mom.
Why does he even want Dave?
He can't take care of Dave.
What's he going to do?
What's he gonna do with him?
Mom.
I don't know.
I just think that
you've somehow gotten
into a scenario where you're
somehow representing him
and not me.
Whose lawyer are you?
I'm not getting... I'm
not getting heated.
I'm just saying,
whose lawyer are you?
Aren't you supposed
to be representing me?
No.
Ok.
So if he has the
house then I get Dave.
Go on, go.
Get!
Go!
Get!
Just talk to
your dad before you
spend the day with him, ok?
So just... this is what you
want to surprise me with?
You know
what's not a surprise?
The face that you're
45 minutes late.
- That's not a surprise.
- I'm not leaving the kids.
You know the kids.
Oh that's right, you
don't know about the kids
because you're not
at home anymore.
What is this, some big surprise?
What do you think you want
me to do with these, huh?
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
You want custody of
David, is that right?
Stay in the car.
Give it to me.
I don't give a shit.
Hey, hey, hey.
Private issue.
Excuse me, sir.
Boys, just come
out of the car, please.
Jeffrey, come on.
Too late.
Ok.
All right.
Ok, all right.
All right.
Ok.
Now I remember.
Hey, man
how are you doing?
Well, would you lookie here,
the rah rah bender extreme.
Yeah, what else do
you think we'd be doing?
Lightweights?
Be home playing snare
drum or something.
It's no more active than
standing on the sidelines.
Good one.
You're all right for a turd.
Where's your
mascot, dumb dahmer?
He's not here.
What are you gonna be
a prom date, bekderkf?
No, but your mom might.
She can fit in a prom dress.
Dahmer's like your
little court Jester.
Except he's not hanging out
with you guys much anymore,
now is he.
The fan club still lives on.
Really?
Cause it looks like
he ditched you.
We'll get him to show up
for what?
He's doing a rocking
command performance.
Yeah, he'll ante up for sure.
I doubt it.
But really we should...
we should get him
to spazz to the Max.
Yeah, but derf, he hasn't
spazzed in, like, weeks.
I don't think he's into...
yeah but what about...
I have 5 bucks, I can pay him.
I mean, it gets him
out on a Saturday.
Ok I'm in.
Come on that will be so killer.
- $5.
That'll be killer.
$5
hey, Jeff.
Hey.
So.
Dahmer fanclub has a new idea.
Basically, we're going
to go to the mall,
and you're going to
spazz like crazy.
Just the craziest spazz...
why don't you just
leave him alone.
He's not a sideshow attraction.
Leave him alone?
It's gonna be fun.
I have about $32 for
you, but by Saturday I
will probably have a ton more.
So take it, and this can be like
your final command performance.
It's gonna be totally awesome.
We're gonna go out in style.
You in?
Awesome.
You excited?
Mmhmm, yeah.
Awesome yes!
So, is coming?
Uh, yeah.
He said he was.
How about burowski
and gunsler?
Oh, burowski's...
burowski didn't pay.
Um, but gunsler
said he was coming.
Jeez, dahmer.
Never seen you drink
like that before.
Here I am.
Where are we
meeting these idiots?
Um, we're going to meet them
by the lockers at fatties.
Ok, about time.
Sorry guys.
Money?
You've got money, money, money?
Thank you for coming.
Here we go.
Cash, cash, cash, cash.
All right, that's about $15.
Not bad.
All right, let's get
this show on the road.
All right.
I now present to you, Jeff.
Jeffrey.
For this, I'm Jeffrey.
Ok.
Then I present to
you, Jeffrey dahmer,
in his command performance.
Gladly.
Hey man.
Get off me, man.
It's just my medicine.
It's just medicine.
I'm so hungry!
Hey!
Hey kid.
Get out.
Out.
Leave.
Here I am!
That was awesome.
Oh, hi honey.
Hey, guess what?
The divorce is final.
Your dad got the house.
I gotta go to grandma's
with your brother,
but I need you not to tell
your dad that we're going.
Ok, can I count on you to...
to not tell your
dad that I'm going?
For me.
I won't.
Dead animals probably
turn up all the time.
No, this was a
specific incident.
It was creepy.
And you know what...
it's not creepy.
I bet it was a
coh-ven of witches.
- Coven.
- You mean a coven?
- It's coven?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Whatever.
There's been a reported
rise in satanic witch cults.
According to what?
According to who?
What?
Where?
Everyone.
All right, you know
what you should do?
You should get one
of the witch cults
to wish in their cauldron
to get you a prom date.
Piss off.
Hey dahmer, Mike's
looking for a prom date.
Oh yeah, and derf's planning
to put you up for prom king.
No I'm not.
It doesn't matter.
There isn't a girl within
50 miles of the place who
would go to prom with dahmer.
No?
Bridget.
Hello.
Hi.
I know we don't
know each other too well...
not really.
Um.
I heard your friend, um,
Margaret was going to the prom?
Yeah,
with Bryan gunsler.
They're friends from debate.
What are you
doing Saturday?
Some final
papers are due.
Well, do you
want to go to prom?
Oh, with who?
Me.
Oh, um, I don't know.
You can go with me
but spend the time with her.
I don't think that's
a very good idea.
Why?
Look, I'm going
to be late for class, so...
it will be fun.
You're not
going to be weird or...
drink?
No, I won't.
Look.
A lot of upperclassmen
don't know who you are.
But if you to go to the
prom, you will be way
ahead of most of your class.
You want to seem normal, right?
I guess.
A lot of freshmen
just want to be asked.
So it's totally normal
that I thought of you.
I don't know.
Just let me think about it?
I'll talk to my parents.
Ok.
Oh, ok.
Just stand in front of
the backdrop for me.
You guys are my
last ones tonight.
Get closer.
Don't be scared, she's
not going to bite.
And smile.
Oh, look who showed.
Unbelievable.
What is?
Just look.
Thank you.
That was sweet.
I tried.
Can you get us a drink?
Dahmer.
Hey.
It's good to see you here.
Hey, Neil.
Hey, I just
wanted to apologize
for what happened at the mall.
- You weren't there.
- I know.
I couldn't... you know, you
didn't have to do that.
It wasn't bad.
Yeah?
I don't know.
I just...
Neil.
I'm sorry.
You're supposed to
put your hands around my waist.
Hi, derf.
Hey.
Hi, I'm penny.
Um, Bridget.
Congrats.
On what?
We made it.
Oh yeah, right.
I have to pee.
Oh, ok.
Where are you going?
We're going to grandma's.
Today?
You're going to
miss my graduation.
Can I go?
Sweetie, we're not
going to the graduation,
we're going to grandma's.
Honey, your dad's
going to be there,
we can't be in the same room.
You know that.
Hugsies?
Come on.
Oh, wow not even
when I'm going, huh?
Come on, good day.
Keep the smiles on.
Hey baby, put this out for mama.
Take car of your dad, ok?
Smiles up!
Did you hide the keys?
No.
Got them!
Bye honey!
Bye Jeff.
Bye Dave.
Love you, baby!
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
Congratulations.
Oh and Jeff...
she's all yours now.
I'm proud of you kid.
Hey.
Mom, I got to go to the grocery
store and pick some stuff up.
Well, honey, I'm about to put
your favorite Hawaiian chicken
in the oven.
Oh.
Well I've got to pick
up my last paycheck.
All right, well
the whole family
- is eating dinner together.
- Ok.
- We're all together.
- I gotta go.
I gotta go.
Jeff?
Hey man.
Greetings.
Baa.
What are you doing?
Are you walking home?
Yeah.
Ok.
You want a ride?
Sure.
What are you up to?
I was just taking the
long way home, because I
leave for college tomorrow.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm taking some art
classes over the summer.
Do you want to come in?
Your house is pretty dark.
Yeah, I've got
it all to myself.
My dad's living with
his girlfriend...
are you bleeding?
No.
That's just, um... um...
paint.
It's paint?
Yeah.
So you're going to Ohio state?
Yeah.
No.
No, I'm going to
Pittsburgh actually.
I'm taking art
classes there, so I'm
very, very excited about that.
What about you?
Oh, Ohio state I think.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
That's great.
That's where Mike's going.
You guys will have fun.
What are you majoring in?
Decorating.
I'm decorating.
I thought you wanted
to major in biology.
Yeah.
Are you ok?
Yep.
We could pop open a beer.
I have a spliff left.
No, I got to get home
soon for dinner with my folks.
Hey, you know what I have?
Check it out.
Is that me?
Yep this is
you as a superhero.
It was supposed to be the
cover of the yearbook,
but it got rejected.
And then this is you as...
I don't know what I was doing...
oh you're a bird feeder.
And this is you as a
flag pole, and then
just a bunch of old ones.
You can have them.
No, I don't want this.
We were just
having fun, you know?
Yeah?
I'm just like anybody else.
Yeah, I know you are.
It's great, it's all great.
We're all doing really
exciting, fun things.
It is great.
How about one beer?
Just one?
And all is forgiven.
Ok.
Ok.
Oh.
Hey.
Um, I think I'm gonna...
I think I should get a move on.
What?
Yeah, I just think
that I should get going.
Sorry, man.
My mom will just kill me if
I don't get home for dinner
on time, so...
I just... yeah.
See you on the
flip side, dahmer.
Ok.
Ok.
All right.
Ok.
Hey.
Hello.
You just get out of the concert?
Yeah.
Great show.
Where are you headed?
I made it this far.
I'm headed back to akron.
You want to
party some more?
Sure.
All right, get in.
My name is Jeffrey.
Steven Hicks.
Nice to meet you.